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(download pdf) Intentional Interviewing and Counseling Facilitating 9th Edition Ivey Solutions Manual full chapter
(download pdf) Intentional Interviewing and Counseling Facilitating 9th Edition Ivey Solutions Manual full chapter
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Chapter 7:
REFLECTING FEELINGS:
THE HEART OF EMPATHIC UNDERSTANDING
CONTENTS OF CHAPTER 7
CHAPTER OVERVIEW
Reflecting feelings gets at the heart of the issue and truly personalizes the session. You will learn
how to bring out the rich emotional world of your clients. Reflecting feelings is a challenging
skill to master fully and requires special attention, but many believe that real and lasting change
is founded on emotions and feelings. This chapter outlines the central concepts of the person-
centered skill of reflection of feelings, which is widely used in many other theoretical
frameworks. You may note that a major thrust of the text thus far has been to stress, through
questioning, the importance of facts, feelings, and reasons. Paraphrasing helps clarify a client’s
statements of fact and thoughts, while reflection of feelings helps us understand a client’s
This chapter provides further opportunities to practice the previously described skills of
attending, questions, client observation, and active listening. Students should be beginning to
develop competence in these skills at a higher level, even though they may find themselves
struggling with each new skill. They may need to be reminded that they are gradually becoming
more competent in the skills presented in previous chapters while learning new concepts.
You may also want to assign portions of the MindTap, which includes the full chapter. Standard
aspects are flashcards highlighting key points to facilitate student learning, interactive case
studies, video clips, and Web links. In addition, key forms for this chapter may be found there in
downloadable form.
The video recommendations mentioned here are available from Alexander Street
Press/Microtraining. The website is http://alexanderstreet.com/products/counseling-and-therapy-
video-series. ASP/Microtraining offers a constant new stream of videos that you will want to
examine. You can contact them for a free exploratory session to preview some videos.
CLASS PROCEDURES
The following is a basic outline of teaching the main points of reflection of feelings. We follow
this model rather closely as it has proven effective for us time and time again.
2. Discussion of the role of feelings in the interview. We find that an open discussion of the
values of this skill area is important. Usually, students will provide the key issues, and we
comment on any additional ideas they stimulate. It is also a time to discuss individual
differences and cultural factors in emotional display.
4. Read. See key points in the text. You may wish to use the downloadable PowerPoint
slides.
The Portfolio of Competencies provides a solid understanding of the skill. However, you
may wish to explore the following in addition:
7. Multicultural discussion and practice. Weijun Zhang points out clearly that various
groups explore emotions in various ways. We all have emotions, but we express them
differently. A discussion of Zhang’s ideas provides a useful start that can be followed by
microskill practice sessions in which varying uses of acknowledgment of feelings and
reflection of feelings may be explored. Special attention may be given to male/female
differences in expression of emotions as well.
8. Helping clients express more or less emotional experience. It may be useful to provide
classroom demonstrations of helping clients explore emotions in more depth and helping
clients move away from emotional experience. For those who avoid emotions in their
clients, learning how to bring out more affective experience can be helpful.
9. This is also an excellent time to talk about the frequent problem that many have: “taking
care” of the client. Over the years, we have observed many students who only allow
clients to superficially discuss emotions. In effect, they keep the client at the abstract,
formal operation level and avoid helping the client to fully experience sensorimotor and
concrete feelings. The issue of balance, of course, remains central.
10. Discussing brain research is also important as it has validated many traditional beliefs
and teachings in the counseling field related to emotions and feelings. Neuroscience’s
focus on the limbic hypothalamus, pituitary, and adrenal (HPA) glands as being the first
to react—before the TAP executive prefrontal cortex—supports the idea that reflection of
feelings is the most valuable listening skill after attending behavior. (If one isn’t
attending, feelings will not be observed.)
CHAPTER EXERCISES
Several of the exercises have already been noted and discussed previously. In addition, consider
the following:
Exercise 7.1 Distinguishing a Reflection of Feelings from a Paraphrase. Most important in this
exercise is the fact that clients often express both paraphrases and reflection of feelings. This
double classification is natural and to be expected. It is difficult and perhaps unwise to separate
paraphrasing from reflection of feelings. Nonetheless, learning the skill by itself helps clarify the
importance of emotion in interviewing.
Exercise 7.3 Acknowledgment of Feelings. This is a useful role-play exercise during the class
session. It is also a homework assignment that we routinely use.
Self-assessment and follow-up. Perhaps the most important competence is the ability to sort out
and discover the emotions underlying mixed and ambivalent feelings. Advanced students will
soon realize that the model sentence “On one hand you feel ... and on the other you feel ...”
brings the skill of reflection of feelings into the area of observing client discrepancies and
empathic confrontation. Confronting mixed feelings and sorting out value (feeling) dimensions is
critical in decision making, career counseling, and personal counseling.
KEY POINTS
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Do you expect persons from cultural, ethnic, or racial backgrounds different from your
own to vary in their expression of feelings and emotions? Why or why not?
2. What skills can you apply in a session when observing and reflecting a client's feelings?
WEB LINKS
The World Association for Person-Centered & Experiential Psychotherapy & Counseling
(WAPCEPC)
Carl Rogers, in some ways, was the original active listener. Most would give him credit for the
term reflection of feeling. This useful site will introduce you to many aspects of his person-
centered approach.
http://www.pce-world.org/
BY and by the summer sifted from the trees and ebbed from the sky.
The honeymoon passed like a summer, in days and nights of hot
beauty, in thunder-salvos of battle, in passions of impatient rain.
For a while the autumn was a greater splendor, a transit from a
green earth starred with countless blossoms of scarlet, purple,
azure, to a vast realm of gold—red gold, yellow gold, green gold, but
always and everywhere gold. All Westchester was a treasure-temple
of glory. Then the grandeur dulled, the gold was gilt, was only
patches of gilt, was russet, was shoddy. The trees were bare. Sharp
outlines of unsuspected landscape came forth like hags whose robes
have dropped from their gaunt bones. The wind grew despondent.
Savor went with color; hope was memory; warmth, chill.
Something mournful in the air reminded RoBards of a poem that
Mr. Bryant, the editor of the Post, had written a few years before:
When he quoted this to Patty, her practical little soul was moved,
as always, to the personal:
“Your Mr. Bryant writes better than he fights, Mist’ RoBards. Only
last year, almost in front of our house, I saw him attack Mr. Stone, of
the Commercial Advertiser, with a horsewhip. Mr. Stone carried off
the whip. It was disgusting, but it brightened Broadway. Oh, dear,
does nothing exciting ever happen up here? Wouldn’t it be wonderful
to stroll down to the Battery to watch the sunset and cross the bridge
to Castle Garden, and hear the band play, and talk to all our friends?
And go to a dance, perhaps, or a theatre? The Kembles are there
setting the town on fire! And am I never to dance again? I was just
learning to waltz when the cholera came. I sha’n’t be able to dance
at all unless we go at once.”
It shocked RoBards to think that marriage had not changed the
restless girl to a staid matron. That she should want to waltz was
peculiarly harrowing, for this new and hideously ungraceful way of
jigging and twisting was denounced by all respectable people as a
wanton frenzy, heinously immoral, indecently amorous, and lacking
in all the dignity that marked the good old dances.
But he was in a mood to grant her anything she wished. She had a
right to her wishes now, for she was granting him his greatest wish; a
son and heir was mystically enfolded in her sweet flower-flesh, as
hidden now as the promise of the tulip tree in a bud that hardly broke
the line of a bough in the early spring, but later slowly unsheathed
and published the great leaf and the bright flower.
So he bade the servants pack her things and his, and they set out
again for New York.
Now the tide flowed back with them as it had ebbed with them.
The exiles were flocking once more to the city, and new settlers were
bringing their hopes to market. A tide of lawyers and merchants was
setting strong from New England, and packs of farmers who had
harvested only failure from the stingy lands, counted on somehow
winnowing gold on the city streets, where sharpers and humbugs of
every kind would take from them even that which they had not.
The drive to New York was amazingly more than a mere return
along a traveled path. Though they had gone out in a panic, they had
been enveloped in a paradise of leaves and flowers and lush weeds,
as well as in a bridal glamor. Now they went back under boughs as
starkly bare as the fences of rail or stone; only the weeds bore
flowers, and those were crude of fabric as of hue. And the hearts of
the twain were already autumnal. Their April, June, and August of
love were gone and November was their mantle. Patty’s orange
blossoms were shed, and they had been artificial, too.
Below White Plains the road was a-throng with cattle that
frightened Patty and the horses. When they were clear of these
moving shoals, they came into the Post Road where the stages went
like elephants in a panic. But Patty found them beautiful. She
rejoiced in the increasing crowds, and as the houses congregated
about her, and the crowded streets accepted her, she clapped her
hands and cried:
“How good it is to be home!”
This sent a graveyard chill through RoBards’ heart, for it meant
that home to her was not in the solitude of his heart, but in the center
of the mob.
Home was to her more definitely the house in Park Place, her
father’s house to which he must take her till he found another
lodging. Her father and mother greeted her as a prodigal and him as
a mere body servant—which was what he felt himself to be.
The chief talk was of the cholera and its havoc. Three thousand
and five hundred dead made up its toll in the city, but the menace
was gone, and those who lived were doubly glad. The crowds in the
streets showed no gaps; there were no ruins visible. New houses
were going up, narrow streets being widened and the names
changed.
It was only when the Sabbath called them to church, or some
brilliant performance took them to see Fanny Kemble and her father
at the Park Theatre, and they inquired for one friend or another, that
they learned dreadfully how many good friends had been hurried feet
first to Washington Square, whence they would never return.
Dinners were few, since nearly every family wore mourning for
someone; but gradually the gayety returned in full sweep. The dead
were forgotten, and the plans for preventing a return of the plague
were dismissed as a tiresome matter of old-fashioned unimportance.
The pumps and cisterns were no longer blamed for the slaughter of
the innocents.
And now Patty must go into eclipse gradually. She grew more and
more peevish. When she complained that everybody worth while
was moving uptown, RoBards bought a house in St. John’s Park,
just south of Canal Street, and only a little distance from the Hudson
River. The house was new and modern, with a new cistern in the
rear. Only a few steps away was a pump supplied with water from
the new city water works in the salubrious region of Thirteenth Street
and Broadway. There was a key that admitted the family to the
umbrageous park, behind whose high fence there was seclusion.
There was something aristocratic and European, too, about the
long iron rail fence that framed the entire square, the same in front of
every house, and giving them all a formal uniform, a black court
dress.
But even aristocracy palled. Patty found but a brief pleasure in the
privilege of walking there at twilight, and she dared not venture out
before dusk. It was chill then and she shivered as she sat on a
bench and breathed in the gloom that drooped from the naked
branches like a shroud. She did not want to be a mother yet, and she
faced the ordeal with dread, knowing how many mothers die, how
few babies lived, for all the pain of their long preparation.
The winter was cold and she complained of the dark of nights,
though her husband multiplied the spermaceti candles and the astral
lamps till her room was as dazzling as an altar. He filled the bins in
the hall closet with the best Liverpool coal and kept the grates
roaring. But she wailed of mornings when he had to break the ice in
the water pitcher for her and she huddled all day by the red-hot iron
stove. She made her servants keep it charged with blazing wood,
until RoBards was sure that the house would be set on fire.
When spring came again and released grass, birds, trees, souls,
flowers, the very air from the gyves of winter, she was so much more
a prisoner that she herself pleaded to be taken back to Tuliptree
Farm. If she could not meet people she did not want to see them
pass her windows, or hear them laugh as they went by in shadows of
evening time. On the farm she could wander about the yard
unterrified and, with increasing heaviness, devote herself to the
flowerbeds. She fled at the sight of any passerby and was altogether
as hidden and craven as only a properly bred American wife
undergoing the shameful glory of motherhood could be.
She was smitten at times with panics of fear. She knew that she
would perish and she called her husband to save her from dying so
young; yet when he got her in his arms to comfort her, she called him
her murderer. She accused him of dragging her into the hasty
marriage, and reminded him that if he had not inflicted his ring and
his name and his burden upon her she could have gone with her
father and mother this summer to Ballston Spa, where there was life
and music, where the waltz flourished in rivalry with the vivacious
polka just imported.
But even in her most insane onsets she did not taunt him now with
the name of Harry Chalender. That was a comfort.
One day Chalender drove up to the house, but she would not see
him. Which gave RoBards singular pleasure. Chalender lingered,
hoping no doubt that she would relent. He sat out an hour, drinking
too much brandy, and cursing New York because it laughed at his
insane talk of going forty miles into the country to fetch a river into
the city. Chalender wanted to pick up the far-off Croton and carry it
on a bridge across the Spuyten Duyvil!
When he had left, Patty, who had overheard his every sentence,
said: “He must be going mad.” She was absent in thought a while,
then murmured as if from far off:
“I wonder if he is drinking himself to death on purpose, and why?”
CHAPTER V