Buchmayr 1

Lucy Buchmayr

Ms. Michko

Block F

5/7/24

Personal Narrative

The sound of gasping erupts through the crowd, cringing as I skid across the red, rubbery

track which felt like sandpaper against my skin. I didn’t know what was worse—the pain of my

raw, bloody burns, or the embarrassment of falling in front of hundreds of people watching the

State Finalist hurdle race. But I knew this could happen. My coaches never guaranteed that I

wouldn’t fall, that I wouldn’t embarrass myself, or that I wouldn’t lose. What they told me was

that I needed to sprint my fastest anyway, even if it would make my fall that much harder.

I used to dislike my doctor, Dr. Spencer, because I thought she was heartless. She was

like my mirror, only to the things I couldn’t see. She wasn’t afraid to show me the abnormal, the

imperfect, or the ugly. “This might pinch,” she said as she stuck needles that contained little

microphones up and down my legs. “This might be loud,” she said before wheeling me into the

MRI machine I would spend the day in. “This might not work,” she said as she handed me the

brace that I would spend the next 5 years living in. I remember this moment vividly because it

was a moment that shattered my hope. “Why was I devoting 14 hours of my life every single day

to something I hated without the guarantee of it working?” I asked myself. The only emotions I

felt at this time were fear, exhaustion, and frustration. Despite the anger I felt, I continued to

devote this time to my brace because I had grown to trust Dr. Spencer. I trusted her not because

of her intelligence, not because she had been my doctor since the moment I entered the world,

but because of the unwavering honesty she showed me throughout my entire health journey.
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Even though I used to despise her honesty, I have learned to appreciate every hard truth that she

has told me. I was able to grow the confidence to look at all sides of a situation and chose to look

on the bright side.

I wore the brace for 1825 days, 43,800 hours. With each passing day wearing the brace,

the less I seemed to focus on the negatives. I began to ignore the numbness in my legs and the

jokes my friends made. Even though I still had my ups and downs, it ultimately became

completely insignificant to who I am. I realized that you have a choice in how you view your

experiences. Similar to looking in a mirror where you have the ability to chose how you view

yourself despite your flaws and imperfections. I now know that this is also true about how you

view your life. You can focus on the hurdles, the imperfections, and the uncertainty, or you can

focus on the possibility of having wins, weather they may small or large.

I found myself once again standing at the starting line of the All State Championship

hurdle race last week, just 4 months after my previous falling disaster. I was ranked 18th but

somehow still made the finals, making my the nerves higher and my head spin twice as fast. This

fact cannot help but sit in the back of my mind. Regardless of these negative thoughts, I was

preparing myself to give this race every last thing I had, and remember what my coaches told

me. “Fast out the blocks, don’t let up.” The ref raised his gun. “On your mark,” he said. I got into

my down position knowing that I was racing against the best girls in the state. “Set,” As soon as I

heard the gun shoot I sprinted, gaining speed with each step. I didn’t look at the hurdles, not even

once, I instead trusted the practice I had with the rhythmic pattern of steps. The funny thing is I

never remember my thought process during the race, but I sure do remember the feeling after. I

had not fallen, not embarrassed myself, not even lost. I had PRed—a win to every track runner.
 Buchmayr 3

In this moment I was glad that my fear of falling didn’t overcome my mind and body. I have

those that support me in my life to thank; my coaches, teachers, parents, and yes, Dr. Spencer.

PERSONAL NARRATIVE SCORING GUIDE

Skill NY Foundational Proficient Advanced

Addresses the Establishes a Establishes a theme or Clearly establishes a

Prompt theme or a a take-away from the theme, take-away,
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take-away story that is evident
somewhere in the throughout the essay
essay The reader learns
The reader has something significant
some sense of the about the writer’s life
writer’s experiences, growth, or
experiences or personality
personality
Narrative Transitions Effectively transitions
Story between ideas between the events of
Includes some the story
descriptive writing Enhances the story
Tells a story through descriptive
writing (an engaging
hook, unique imagery,
creative details,
sensory description,
figurative language)
Balances “showing”
versus “telling”
Style/Fluency Uses some variety Uses a variety of
in sentence sentence structures
structures; simple Maintains an
sentence appropriate tone for
structures purpose and audience
Maintains an Demonstrates use of
appropriate tone grade level vocabulary
Simple use of and diction
vocabulary
and future
implications of the
story; approaches
these ideas either in
an imaginative or
highly original way
The reader is
engaged with the
story and its
significance;
presents a full
picture of who the
writer is and what
they value
Effectively
transitions between
the events of the
story and
reflections on its
elements
Greatly enhances
the story through
descriptive writing
(see proficient to the
left) AND a unique
structure
Uses a variety of
sentence structures
to reinforce purpose
Maintains an
appropriate and
thoughtful tone
throughout
Strong use of of
vocabulary and
diction