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 Chapter 6: Attitudes Based on Low Consumer Effort

CHAPTER 6
ATTITUDES BASED ON LOW EFFORT
CHAPTER SUMMARY
This chapter focuses on the processes by which marketers can change consumers’ attitudes
when MAO is low and hence the effort consumers expend to process information is low. The
chapter first examines unconscious influences on consumers’ attitudes, including thin-slice
judgments and body feedback. The chapter then examines the cognitive bases of attitudes
and how marketing communications can be designed to enhance consumers’ attitudes. When
attitudes of low MAO consumers are based on cognitive processing, the message should
affect their beliefs. These beliefs may be formed by simple inferences, attributions, or rules of
thumb (heuristics).
Marketers can also affect the salience, strength, or favorability of consumers’ beliefs, when
attitudes are based on simple beliefs. Characteristics of the source (source credibility),
characteristics of the message (category- and schema-consistent information, a large number
of message arguments, and simple messages), and characteristics of the context (the extent
of repetition) each influence one or more of the dimensions of beliefs.
According to the mere exposure effect, when MAO is low, consumers’ attitudes toward an
offering become more favorable as they become more familiar with it. Classical conditioning
predicts that consumers’ attitudes toward an offering (the conditioned stimulus, or CS) are
enhanced when it is repeatedly paired with a stimulus (the unconditioned stimulus, or UCS)
that evokes a positive emotional response (the unconditioned response). This effect is most
likely to occur when a CS-UCS link is novel, when the consumer is aware of the link, when the
UCS and CS fit together, and when the CS precedes the UCS. Furthermore, if consumers like
a particular ad (Aad), these feelings may be transferred over to the brand (Ab) (dual-mediation
hypothesis). Additionally, attitudes toward an offering can also be affected by consumers’
mood and their tendency to evaluate the offering in a mood-congruent direction.
Finally, attitudes based on affective processes can be made more favorable when consumers’
MAO and effort are low. Characteristics of the source (attractiveness, likeability, celebrity),
characteristics of the message (pleasant pictures, pleasant music, humor, sex, emotional
content), and characteristics of the context (program or editorial context) can each influence
affectively based attitudes.

CHAPTER LEARNING OBJECTIVES

At the end of this chapter, students will be able to:
1. Outline some issues marketers face in trying to change consumers’ attitudes when
processing effort is low.
2. Explain the role of unconscious influences on attitudes and behavior in low-effort
situations.
3. Discuss how consumers form beliefs based on low-processing cognitive effort.
4. Show how marketers can influence cognitive attitudes through communication source,
message, context, and repetition.
5. Describe how consumers form attitudes through affective reactions when cognitive
effort is low.

Copyright © Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. 1

 Chapter 6: Attitudes Based on Low Consumer Effort

6. Highlight how marketers can use the communication source, message, and context to
influence consumers’ feelings and attitudes when processing effort is low.

CHAPTER OUTLINE
I. High-Effort Versus Low-Effort Routes to Persuasion
A. High Effort (Central Route)
1. Consumers have motivation, ability, and the opportunity (MAO) to process
information.
B. Low Effort (Peripheral Route)
1. Consumers do not have the MAO to process information.
2. Judgments may be more influenced by peripheral cues.
II. Unconscious Influences on Attitudes When Consumer Effort Is Low
A. Thin-Sliced Judgments
1. Assessments consumers make after brief observations despite minimal
information input.
2. These assessments can influence consumers’ decisions to buy and their
satisfaction with the sale.
B. Body Feedback
1. Body feedback such as nodding or shaking one’s head can lead to more
positive or negative evaluations of an object.
C. Marketing Implications
1. Although marketers may apply unconscious influences on consumers, this
should be used with care because of the complex interactions with conscious
influences.
III. Cognitive Bases of Attitudes When Consumer Effort Is Low
A. Consumers may acquire simple beliefs by forming simple inferences, through
attributions or explanations for an endorsement, or by forming heuristics.
1. With the frequency heuristic, consumers form a belief based on the number of
supporting arguments or amount of repetition.
2. The truth effect states that consumers are more likely to have stronger beliefs
simply because of the repetition of the message.
IV. How Cognitive Attitudes Are Influenced
A. Communication Source
1. Credible sources serve as peripheral cues for making a simplified judgment.
a) “Statements from experts can be trusted.”
b) “Products endorsed by an expert must be good.”
2. Little cognitive effort is required.
3. To be seen as more credible, endorsers are used that do not advertise many
other products.
B. The Message
1. Category- and Schema-Consistent Information
a) Consumers form inferential beliefs from a message.
(1). Based on brand name
(2). Based on price
(3). Based on color
b) Considerable attention should be devoted to immediate associations
consumers have for easily processed information.
2. Many Message Arguments
a) With the frequency heuristic, consumers count the number of arguments
rather than processing information

2 Copyright © Cengage Learning. All rights reserved.

 Chapter 6: Attitudes Based on Low Consumer Effort

3.Simple Messages
a) Marketers communicate differences from competitors with simple key
points.
4. Involving Messages
a) Enhancing consumers’ involvement with the message ensures that the
information is received.
b) Self-referencing strategies develop positive attitudes and intentions.
5. Marketing Implications
a) Marketers can increase self-referencing by:
(1). Directly telling consumers to use self-reference
(2). Using the second person
(3). Asking rhetorical questions
(4). Showing visuals of situations easy for consumers to relate to
b) Mystery ad (also called the “wait-and-bait” ad)
(1). Identity of brand not revealed until end of ad
(2). Heightens curiosity and situational involvement
(3). Particularly effective in generating category-based processing and
storing brand associations in memory
c) Use of Avatars by online marketers to induce more arousal and
involvement.
d) Scratch-and-sniff ads
e) Interactive ads
C. Message Context and Repetition
1. The context of a message can affect the strength and salience of beliefs to the
consumer.
2. Message repetition:
a) Helps consumers acquire basic knowledge
b) Aids in learning and recalling information (incidental learning)
c) Enhances brand awareness
d) Can make claims more believable (the truth effect), especially when ads
are spaced out over time.
V. Affective Bases of Attitudes When Consumer Effort Is Low
A. The Mere Exposure Effect
1. We prefer familiar objects to unfamiliar ones.
2. Consumers’ attitudes toward an offering change over time—objects become
more liked as they become more familiar.
3. Mostly demonstrated in controlled laboratory experiments.
4. Can help an unknown brand compete with other unknown brands if
performance is similar and consumers expend little processing effort?
5. When consumers can easily process stimulus information, they are more likely
to prefer the brand and believe the ad claims.
6. Marketing Implications
a) Since consumers’ attitudes may become more favorable with time, even
when consumers initially dislike new offerings, marketers may be able to
enhance consumers’ liking for a new offering by repeatedly exposing
consumers to the offering itself or the messages about it.
b) Repetition is critical when MAO is low, but watch out for ad “wearout.”
B. Classical and Evaluative Conditioning
1. A way of affecting consumers’ attitudes without invoking much processing
effort. Evaluative conditioning is a case oc cc. It produces an affective

Copyright © Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. 3

 Chapter 6: Attitudes Based on Low Consumer Effort

response by pairing a neutral conditioned stimulus with an emotionally charged

unconditioned stimulus.
2. A stimulus is called unconditioned (UCS) because it automatically elicits an
involuntary or unconditioned response (UCR).
3. A conditioned stimulus (CS) does not automatically elicit an involuntary
response.
4. Repeatedly pairing the conditioned stimulus (CS) with the unconditioned
stimulus (UCS) automatically elicits the involuntary unconditioned response
(UCR).
5. When the response is made in the presence of the conditioned stimulus by
itself, the response is said to be a conditioned response (CR).
6. Marketing Implications
a) By repeatedly pairing an unconditioned stimulus (e.g., happy scenes) with
a conditioned stimulus (e.g., a brand name), it may be possible to invoke
the same emotional response (now the conditioned response) to the
brand name.
C. Attitude Toward the Ad
1. When consumers like an ad a great deal, they may transfer their positive
feelings from the ad to the brand.
a) Attitudes toward ads may be the best indicator of advertising
effectiveness.
2. Dual-mediation hypothesis
a) Consumers can have a favorable attitude toward an ad either because
they find it believable or because they feel good about it.
b) These responses, in turn, may positively affect consumers’ intentions to
purchase.
3. Marketing Implications
a) By providing ads that are pleasing or likable to consumers, marketers
may be able to make consumers’ brand attitudes more favorable.
b) This approach is more effective when strong attitudes have not already
been formed, as when brands are new or not well known.
D. Mood
1. A stimulus can create a positive or negative mood, which can affect
consumers’ reactions to any other stimulus.
2. Putting consumers in a good mood through the use of physical surroundings
and employee behavior can cause consumers to evaluate stores and store
merchandise more favorably.
3. Consumers in a good mood tend to ignore negative brand information.
4. Consumers in a positive mood are more likely to like a brand extension that is
moderately similar to the parent product than consumers not in a good mood.
5. Marketing Implications
a) Retailers can use physical surroundings and the behavior of store
employees to put consumers in good moods and thus positively influence
their attitudes.
VI. How Affective Attitudes Are Influenced
A. Communication Source
1. Attractive Sources
a) When consumers’ motivation to process an advertised message is low,
attractive sources will enhance the favorability of consumers’ brand
attitudes.
2. Likable Sources

4 Copyright © Cengage Learning. All rights reserved.

 Chapter 6: Attitudes Based on Low Consumer Effort

a)
May serve as unconditioned stimuli, create a positive mood that affects
consumers’ evaluations of the ad or brand, and make consumers feel
more positive about the endorsed products
3. Celebrity Sources
a) Combine physical attractiveness and likeability to account for one-third of
television advertising
B. The Message
1. Pleasant Pictures
a) Can affect ad and brand attitudes when they are processed peripherally
2. Music
a) Can create different emotional responses and convey different product
meanings
3. Humor
a) Can be used to attract consumers’ attention and increase liking of the ad
and the brand
b) Most effective when tied or related to the offering, otherwise consumers
may pay attention to the humor and not the brand.
c) Marketing Implications
(1) Humor works best on TV and radio
(2) Humor is more effective with some audiences than others; for
example, young, more educated males respond the most positively
to humor.
(3) While humor is universal, specifics of humor are culturally specific.
4. Sex
a) Sex as a communication technique appears in two major forms
(1) Sexual suggestiveness involves situations that portray or imply
sexual themes or romance
(2) Nudity or partial nudity is the other technique used in ads.
b) Marketing Implications
(1) Sex in marketing can be effective because it attracts consumers’
attention, and it can evoke an emotional response which in turn can
affect consumers’ moods.
(2) However, sexual messages may create negative feelings such as
embarrassment or disgust in some consumers.
(3) Men and women vary in their responsiveness to sexual marketing
messages.
(4) The sexual content of a marketing message should be consistent
with the product/service being advertised.
(5) Consumer reaction to sexual marketing communications varies
across cultures.
5. Emotional Content
a) The goal of transformational advertising is to associate the experience of
using the product with a unique set of psychological characteristics
thereby increasing emotional involvement.
b) Dramas attempt to get the consumer to empathize with the characters
and become involved emotionally.
6. Message Context
a) The program or editorial context in which a message appears affects
consumers’ evaluation.
b) Programs influence consumers to transfer their feelings about the
program to the ad (excitation transfer hypothesis).

Copyright © Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. 5

 Chapter 6: Attitudes Based on Low Consumer Effort

c) A program that is too distracting can inhibit processing and ad recall.

d) Humor appeals in 30-42% of ads

QUESTIONS FOR REVIEW AND DISCUSSION

Possible answers are as follows.

1. How can unconscious influences affect consumer attitudes and behavior in low effort
situations?
Much processing in low effort situations occurs below conscious awareness. Thin-slice
judgments and body feedback are two ways in which consumers process information
unconsciously.
2. What role do source, message, context, and repetition play in influencing consumers’
cognitive attitude?
The communication source characteristics are important in influencing consumer beliefs
in low-effort processing situations. The message itself also influences attitudes.
Messages should attempt to provide consistent information to consumer schema. In low-
processing situations, simple messages should be used. Repetition increases recall
through incidental learning, which is effortless processing. Repetition may also enhance
brand awareness and memory. This is why in ads it is very likely to hear or see the brand
name at least four to seven times to help increase retention of the brand in the
consumer’s mind.
3. What is the mere exposure effect, and why is it important to consumers’ affective
reactions.
The mere exposure effect is the concept that familiarity leads to liking of an object. It is
important to our affective reactions, as we tend to prefer familiar objects to unfamiliar
ones. Research has shown that mere exposure allows consumers to more easily process
information to which they have been exposed.
4. How do classical conditioning and evaluative conditioning apply to consumers’ attitudes
when processing effort is low?
Successful classical conditioning links the conditioned stimulus to a response. This works
best in low effort processing situations where the linkage becomes assumed over time
rather than cognitively paired. Pairing the product with certain unconditioned stimuli such
as beautiful scenery or a catchy jingle can automatically elicit an emotional response
such as joy or warmth.
Taco Bell helps condition consumers to eat at their establishments by utilizing a
Chihuahua as part of a very effective ad campaign.
5. Explain the dual-mediation hypothesis. What are the implications for affecting
consumers’ brand attitude?
The dual-mediation hypothesis explains how attitudes toward the ad (Aad) can influence
attitudes toward the brand (Ab) and purchase intentions (Ib). In short, if a marketer can
positively influence your attitude toward the ad (Aad), then these positive feelings can
transfer to the brand (“I like the ad so I like the product”), positively impact brand beliefs
and increase the likelihood of purchase. The dual-mediation hypothesis holds best for

6 Copyright © Cengage Learning. All rights reserved.

 Chapter 6: Attitudes Based on Low Consumer Effort

products that are less well known to the consumer and for products that require far less
cognitive processing effort (products with a simple belief schema).
6. In low-effort situations, what characteristics of the message influence consumers’
affective response?
The characteristics of the message that influence consumers’ affective response include
the credibility, attractiveness, and likeability of the source, as well as message content
factors such as the use of pleasant pictures, music, humor, sex, emotional content, and
message context.
7. What are the advantages and disadvantages of featuring celebrities in advertising
messages?
Typically, celebrities often rank high on attractiveness, likeability and credibility. When
the celebrity directly relates to the product being advertised (match-up hypothesis),
celebrity sources can be very effective at affecting consumer attitudes. However, there is
a danger for the advertiser to link their product to a celebrity whose credibility or
likeability changes. Public scandal has affected numerous celebrities’ ability to promote
products.

EXERCISES AND TEACHER GUIDELINES

1. Watch at least four hours of commercial television. Prepare a chart that lists all the
techniques discussed in this chapter across the top as columns (attractive source, likable
source, visuals, humor, music, sex, emotion, simple message, repetition, and so on). For
each ad, tally which techniques are used. Also briefly assess the effectiveness of each
ad in terms of creating positive Aad and Ab, attitudes about the ad and the brand. After
collecting this information for all ads viewed during the four hours, answer the following
questions: (a) Which techniques are used most frequently. (b) In your judgment, which
ads tend to be the most effective in influencing attitudes toward the ad and the brand?
Why. (c) In your judgment, which ads tend to be the least effective? Why?
When discussing this exercise in class, ask students to consider not only the shows that
they watched, but also the time of day that the shows were on. How does time of day,
even on the same network, influence the likelihood of seeing an ad for a particular
product? Also, inquire as to the degree to which prior brand attitudes may have affected
their current evaluations of the ads. I find that students do not realize that prior brand
attitudes do affect their evaluations of current ads. I point this out to students and they
seem to be surprised that advertising does influence them. Many of the students convey
to me that they thought advertising influenced others but not them.
2. Collect five magazines that are directed at different target audiences. Prepare a chart
that lists all the techniques discussed in this chapter across the top as columns
(attractive source, likable source, visuals, humor, music, sex, emotion, simple message,
repetition, and so on). Down the side of the chart, generate a running list of the different
product and service categories that appear in the ads. For each ad in each magazine,
make a tally of the type of product advertised and the type(s) of techniques used. Then
answer the following questions: (a) Which techniques are used most frequently? (b) Do
certain techniques tend to be used more often for certain product or service categories?
(c) Do the magazines in general use certain techniques more often for certain target
audiences?

Copyright © Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. 7

 Chapter 6: Attitudes Based on Low Consumer Effort

Similarly, have students carefully consider the target markets of each of these
magazines. Would they have similar opinions regarding ads placed in magazines that
they do not read frequently or at all? Ask students, if a high-end item is advertised in a
magazine they have brought in, what does that tell them about the magazines
demographics.

ADDITIONAL DISCUSSION QUESTIONS WITH SAMPLE ANSWERS

These discussion questions can be used as in-class activities or as thought questions that the
students consider while reading the chapter or to test their understanding of the material after
the reading and lecture are complete.
1. Explain the peripheral route to persuasion and discuss ways marketers can influence
low-effort consumer attitudes.
When consumers’ motivation, ability, and opportunity (MAO) are low, they are not likely
to devote much effort to attitude formation and change. Instead, they are likely to form
beliefs based on simple inferences, attributions, and heuristics. This low-effort processing
results in marketers using the peripheral route to persuasion (aspects other than key
message arguments).
Marketers can influence low-effort consumers’ attitudes either cognitively or affectively.
When designing cognitively based messages, marketers should consider the credibility of
the communication source, the content of the message, and the context of the message.
The source should serve as a positive peripheral cue, and the context should include
repetition. The message should incorporate category- and schema-consistent
information, many supporting arguments, and involving, yet simple, messages.
When designing affectively based messages, marketers should select communication
sources that are attractive and likable or celebrities. They should create messages that
include pleasant pictures, music, humor, sex, or emotional content, and an appropriate
context.
2. Discuss the mere exposure effect and provide examples of how marketers can enhance
consumer liking for an object.
According to the mere exposure effect, familiarity with an object leads to liking an object.
While the effect’s validity has been questioned, it has been applied by the advertising
industry. One of advertising’s goals is to create tactics that increase consumer exposure
to products and messages. The mere exposure effect is in use when product or brand
information is repeated within an ad, when a commercial is repeated numerous times
throughout a television broadcast or radio program, and when a product is advertised
through multiple channels simultaneously (television, radio, print media, the Internet,
etc.).

ADDITIONAL QUESTIONS
1. Give an example of how the mere exposure effect could be used to influence consumers’
affective response to the brand you are considering.
2. Knowing that marketers can influence cognitively based attitudes when consumer effort
is low, explain how you could use characteristics of the source, message, and context to
influence consumers’ brand perceptions of the brand you are considering.

8 Copyright © Cengage Learning. All rights reserved.

 Chapter 6: Attitudes Based on Low Consumer Effort

3. The mere exposure effect and classical conditioning are both ways marketers can
influence the affective bases of attitudes when consumer effort is low. Describe how you
could use both of these approaches to complement each other in a marketing effort for
the brand you are considering.
4. Describe in what circumstances classical conditioning is most likely to be successful.
Develop a list of reasons why it is difficult to use classical conditioning in marketing and
advertising.
5. Explain what is meant by “attitude toward the ad.” Outline its key components and
explain why it is important to advertising and marketing.
6. Explain the dual-mediation hypothesis and explain why it is important to marketing and
advertising.
7. Explain why consumers often process messages using heuristics. Describe some
common types of heuristics that consumers might employ. Offer examples of situations in
which these heuristics could be used.
8. Explain how source attractiveness can influence consumer attitudes and include a
description of factors that might mediate this process. Provide several examples of
marketing communications that illustrate this process.
9. Discuss how humor in advertising impacts upon consumer attitudes. Provide examples of
marketing communications that effectively use this technique.

EXPERIENTIAL EXERCISES AND CLASSROOM EXAMPLES

Students who learn more readily through visual and tactile stimuli will benefit from the
introduction of physical examples into the classroom.
1. “Celebrity Spotlight” Exercise∗
Ask students to write down the names of their five favorite celebrities and then identify
branded products or services for which those celebrities would make good
spokespersons. For example, would Andre Agassi’s fiery temper make him a good match
(no pun intended!) with Tabasco? Would Rosie O’Donnell’s knowledge of old television
shows and theme songs make her a candidate for Nickelodeon? Discuss the pairings,
why or why not they make strategic sense, and the celebrity’s potential role in building
brand equity.
2. “From the Ridiculous to the Sublime” Exercise∗
Ask for student reactions to a variety of hypothetical brand extensions, ranging from the
weird to the wonderful (e.g., Mrs. Field’s carburetors, Chanel facial tissues, Disney
children’s hospitals, Nikon film, H&R Block travel agency, Sony toaster, Outward Bound
hotels, and Dial deodorant). After discussing why they reacted as they did (explaining the
notion of affect transfer in the process), give them an opportunity to try their hand at
developing an extension concept. Separate the class into groups of four or five students
and give them 15 minutes to come up with an extension of a brand of their choice. After
each group has described its idea and explained why they believe it would be successful,
ask students to vote for a favorite (it is up to the instructor whether to allow students to

∗
This experiential exercise was contributed by Professor Sheri Bridges of Wake Forest University.

Copyright © Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. 9

 Chapter 6: Attitudes Based on Low Consumer Effort

vote for their own group’s idea). Give the winning group a small prize (a bag of candy, for
example).
3. Consider visiting the local grocery store to find examples of marketing efforts that call
attention to how companies are making efforts to build categories, schemas, or scripts for
their products. Examples of these efforts might include: (a) coupons that may be
designed to induce trial, but may actually serve as a classical conditioning tool, teaching
customers to react to the promotion; (b) advertisements that include characteristics
designed to influence affectively based attitudes when consumer effort is low (e.g., using
source, message, or context characteristics). Use these and other examples to stimulate
discussion about how marketers are or are not using principles of consumer behavior to
support their marketing efforts.

CLASSROOM GROUP ACTIVITY: INFLUENCING ATTITUDES WHEN

CONSUMER EFFORT IS LOW: 20 MINUTES
I. Start Up
A. Purpose of the activity
1. This activity will give students an opportunity to consider factors related to
attitude formation and schemas in a brief classroom exercise.
B. What the instructor will do
1. The instructor will divide people into small groups, assign them a product for
consideration, and be available to coach and help the groups as needed.
C. What the participants will do
1. The participants will work in small groups to brainstorm ideas for applying
concepts from the chapter to specific brands. After a period of small-group
discussion, they will make reports to the large group.
D. Rules for this experience
1. Groups are to work separately from each other. Individuals should rely on their
knowledge from the book and may refer to their notes and the book as
necessary.
II. Experience
A. Group up.
1. Have students form groups of no more than five. This exercise will work in
groups of any size; however, room restrictions that do not allow for moving
furniture may make group work more difficult.
B. Assign brands.
1. Each group should be assigned a single brand for a low-involvement good
(i.e., frequently purchased consumer nondurable) on which to focus.
a) Consider using local brands including both products and services.
b) In addition, international brands like the following could be used: Exxon,
McDonald’s, Coca-Cola, Heinz, Glade, Hungry Jack.
c) Consider bringing samples of the brands to the class for students to study
and review in their groups (e.g., a box of crackers, a candy bar, a cola
can).
C. Specific actions for groups
1. The groups are responsible for creating a combination of methods for
generating attitudes toward the brand in a competitive environment, given that
consumers are likely to expend low levels of effort (involvement) developing
attitudes toward these brands.
2. Questions to be answered by small groups

10 Copyright © Cengage Learning. All rights reserved.

 Chapter 6: Attitudes Based on Low Consumer Effort

a)
Identify factors that may help or hinder consumers’ likelihood to actively
develop attitudes toward the brand.
b) By what specific means could you influence consumer attitudes toward
this brand?
c) How might consumers’ attitudes toward the brand be otherwise influenced
in a competitive marketplace, and how can you address these sources of
influence?
3. Large-group discussions
a) First, have groups present their ideas about the first question, and then
proceed to discuss each of the subsequent questions.
b) If there are many groups, share the discussion among all groups, though
not all groups may answer all of the questions.
III. Debrief and Unveil Concepts
A. Discuss the activity itself.
1. The purpose of this discussion is to allow students to express what they felt
about the experience itself.
2. Ask students to describe their experiences of “doing” the activity.
a) Likes and dislikes about what just happened
b) How they felt during the experience
c) What is realistic, unrealistic about the exercise?
d) What will be different when they do this for their own brand?
B. Discuss the content of the experience.
1. The purpose of this discussion is to ensure that students “take away” important
learning points.
2. Ask students to describe the important points the experience teaches.
3. Use the chalkboard to record student responses.
a) Write down their ideas as they are presented.
b) Concentrate on the principles being discussed rather than the examples
being used.
c) Help them to see the interrelationships between their responses
IV. Execute
A. Apply what has been learned.
1. Lead a discussion on how the concepts can be applied in organizations.
a) What barriers may be faced in applying the concepts from the exercise?
b) What can be done to help others understand the concepts when you use
them at work?
B. Transfer and use the knowledge.
1. Encourage students to make a record in their notes about how they will use the
ideas in the workplace.
2. Even if they do not have a specific job, how will they remember to use what
they have learned?

Copyright © Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. 11

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*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK TOLD BY

THE COLONEL ***
 Transcriber’s Note: Readers may wish to be warned that the Colonel’s tales, and the
accompanying illustrations, contain outdated racial stereotyping and language.

TOLD BY THE COLONEL.

BY
W. L. ALDEN,
Author of “A Lost Soul,” “Adventures of Jimmy Brown,”
“Trying to Find Europe,” etc., etc.

ILLUSTRATED BY
RICHARD JACK AND HAL HURST.

NEW YORK
J. SELWIN TAIT & SONS

Copyright, 1893, by
J. SELWIN TAIT & SONS
 CONTENTS.
PAGE
An Ornithological Romance, 1
Jewseppy, 12
That Little Frenchman, 26
Thompson’s Tombstone, 38
A Union Meeting, 52
A Clerical Romance, 63
A Mystery, 80
My Brother Elijah, 93
The St. Bernard Myth, 108
A Matrimonial Romance, 124
Hoskins’ Pets, 139
The Cat’s Revenge, 153
Silver-Plated, 168
 TOLD BY THE COLONEL.

AN ORNITHOLOGICAL ROMANCE.
Four Americans were sitting in the smoking-room of a Paris hotel.
One of them was a grizzled, middle-aged man, who sat silent and
apart from the others and consumed his heavy black cigar with a
somewhat gloomy air. The other three were briskly talking. They had
been three days in Paris, and had visited the Moulin Rouge, the
tomb of Napoleon, and the sewers, and naturally felt that they were
thoroughly acquainted with the French capital, the French
government, and the French people. They were unanimously of the
opinion that Paris was in all things fifty years behind the age, and at
least sixty behind Chicago. There was nothing fit to eat, drink, or
smoke in Paris. The French railway carriages were wretched and
afforded no facilities for burning travellers in case of an accident. The
morals of French society—as studied at the Moulin Rouge—were
utterly corrupt, owing possibly to that absence of free trade in wives
and husbands which a liberal system of divorce permits. The French
people did not understand English, which was alone sufficient to
prove them unfit for self-government, and their preference for heavy
five-franc pieces when they might have adopted soft and greasy
dollar bills showed their incurable lack of cleanliness.
Suddenly the silent man touched the bell and summoned a waiter.
“Waiter,” he said, as that functionary entered the room, “bring me
an owl.”
 “If you please, sir?” suggested the waiter, timidly.
“I said, bring me an owl! If you pretend to talk English you ought to
understand that.”
“Yes, sir. Certainly, sir. How would you please to have the nowl?”
“Never you mind. You go and bring me an owl, and don’t be too
long about it.”
The waiter was gone some little time, and, then returning, said, “I
am very sorry, sir, but we cannot give you a nowl to-night. The
barkeeper is out of one of the materials for making nowls. But I can
bring you a very nice cocktail.”
“Never mind,” replied the American. “That’ll do. You can go now.”
“I beg your pardon, sir,” said one of the three anatomizers of the
French people, speaking with that air of addressing a vast popular
assemblage which is so characteristic of dignified American
conversationalists. “Would you do me the favor to tell me and these
gentlemen why you ordered an owl?”
“I don’t mind telling you,” was the answer, “but I can’t very well do
it without telling you a story first.”
“All right, Colonel. Give us the story, by all means.”
The elderly American leaned back in his chair searching for
inspiration with his gaze fixed on the chandelier. He rolled his cigar
lightly from one corner of his mouth to the other and back again, and
presently began:
“A parrot, gentlemen, is the meanest of all creation. People who
are acquainted with parrots, and I don’t know that you are, generally
admit that there is nothing that can make a parrot ashamed of
himself. Now this is a mistake, for I’ve seen a parrot made ashamed
of himself, and he was the most conceited parrot that was ever seen
outside of Congress. It happened in this way.
“I came home one day and found a parrot in the house. My
daughter Mamie had bought him from a sailor who was tramping
through the town. Said he had been shipwrecked, and he and the
parrot were the only persons saved. He had made up his mind never
to part with that bird, but he was so anxious to get to the town where
his mother lived that he would sell him for a dollar. So Mamie she
buys him, and hangs him up in the parlor and waits for him to talk.

“ASKING THE CAT IF HE HAD EVER SEEN A MOUSE.”

 “It turned out that the parrot couldn’t talk anything but Spanish,
and very little of that. And he wouldn’t learn a word of English,
though my daughter worked over him as if he had been a whole
Sunday-school. But one day he all at once began to teach himself
English. Invented a sort of Ollendorff way of studying, perhaps
because he had heard Mamie studying French that way. He’d begin
by saying, ‘Does Polly want a cracker?’ and then he’d go on and ring
the changes. For example, just to give you an idea of the system,
he’d say, ‘Does Polly want the lead cracker of the plumber or the
gold cracker of the candlestick maker?’ and then he’d answer, ‘No,
Polly does not want the lead cracker of the plumber nor the gold
cracker of the candlestick maker, but the large steel cracker of the
blacksmith.’ He used to study in this way three hours every morning
and three every afternoon, and never stop for Sundays, being, as I
suppose, a Roman Catholic, and not a Sabbath-keeping bird. I never
saw a bird so bent on learning a language as this one was, and he
fetched it. In three months’ time that parrot could talk English as well
as you or I, and a blamed sight better than that waiter who pretends
that he talks English. The trouble was the parrot would talk all the
time when he was not asleep. My wife is no slouch at talking, but I’ve
seen her burst into tears and say, ‘It’s no use, I can’t get in a word
edgewise.’ And no more could she. That bird was just talking us
deaf, dumb, and blind. The cat, he gave it up at an early stage of the
proceedings. The parrot was so personal in his remarks—asking the
cat if he had ever seen a mouse in his whole life, and wanting to
know who it was that helped him to paint the back fence red the
other night, till the cat, after cursing till all was blue, went out of the
house and never showed up again. He hadn’t the slightest regard for
anybody’s feelings, that bird hadn’t. No parrot ever has.
“He wasn’t content with talking three-fourths of the time, but he
had a habit of thinking out loud which was far worse than his
conversation. For instance, when young Jones called of an evening
on my daughter, the parrot would say, ‘Well, I suppose that young
idiot will stay till midnight, and keep the whole house awake as
usual.’ Or when the Unitarian minister came to see my wife the
parrot would just as likely as not remark, ‘Why don’t he hire a hall if
he must preach, instead of coming here and wearing out the
furniture?’ Nobody would believe that the parrot made these remarks
of his own accord, but insisted that we must have taught them to
him. Naturally, folks didn’t like this sort of thing, and after a while
hardly anybody came inside our front door.
“And then that bird developed a habit of bragging that was simply
disgusting. He would sit up by the hour and brag about his
superiority to other birds, and the beauty of his feathers, and his
cage, and the gorgeousness of the parlor, and the general
meanness of everything except himself and his possessions. He
made me so tired that I sometimes wished I were deaf. You see, it
was the infernal ignorance of the bird that aggravated me. He didn’t
know a thing of the world outside of our parlor; and yet he’d brag and
brag till you couldn’t rest.

“THE PARROT BEGAN BY TRYING TO DAZZLE THE OWL WITH HIS

CONVERSATION, BUT IT WOULDN’T WORK.”

“You may ask why didn’t we kill him, or sell him, or give him to the
missionaries, or something of that sort. Well, Mamie, she said it
would be the next thing to murder if we were to wring his neck; and
that selling him would be about the same as the slave-trade. She
wouldn’t let me take the first step toward getting rid of the parrot, and
the prospect was that he’d drive us clean out of the house.
“One day a man who had had considerable experience of parrots
happened to come in, and when I complained of the bird he said,
‘Why don’t you get an owl? You get an owl and hang him up close to
that parrot’s cage, and in about two days you’ll find that your bird’s
dead sick of unprofitable conversation.’
“Well, I got a small owl and put him in a cage close to the parrot’s
cage. The parrot began by trying to dazzle the owl with his
conversation, but it wouldn’t work. The owl sat and looked at the
parrot just as solemn as a minister whose salary has been cut down,
and after a while the parrot tried him with Spanish. It wasn’t of any
use. Not a word would the owl let on to understand. Then the parrot
tried bragging, and laid himself out to make the owl believe that of all
the parrots in existence he was the ablest. But he couldn’t turn a
feather of the owl. That noble bird sat silent as the grave, and looked
at the parrot as if to say, ‘This is indeed a melancholy exhibition of
imbecility!’ Well, before night that parrot was so ashamed of himself
that he closed for repairs, and from that day forth he never spoke an
unnecessary word. Such, gentlemen, is the influence of example
even on the worst of birds.”
The American lit a fresh cigar, and pulling his hat over his eyes,
fell into profound meditation. His three auditors made no comment
on his story, and did not repeat the inquiry why he had asked the
waiter for an owl. They smoked in silence for some moments, and
then one of them invited the other two to step over to Henry’s and
take something—an invitation which they promptly accepted, and the
smoking-room knew them no more that night.
 JEWSEPPY.
“Yes, sir!” said the Colonel. “Being an American, I’m naturally in
favor of elevating the oppressed and down-trodden, provided, of
course, they live in other countries. All Americans are in favor of
Home Rule for Ireland, because it would elevate the Irish masses
and keep them at home; but if I were living in Ireland, perhaps I
might prefer elevating Russian Jews or Bulgarian Christians. You
see, the trouble with elevating the oppressed at home is that the
moment you get them elevated they begin to oppress you. There is
no better fellow in the world than the Irishman, so long as you govern
him; but when he undertakes to govern you it’s time to look out for
daybreak to westward. You see, we’ve been there and know all
about it.
“Did I ever tell you about Jewseppy? He was an organ-grinder,
and, take him by and large, he was the best organ-grinder I ever
met. He could throw an amount of expression into ‘Annie Rooney,’
or, it might be, ‘The Old Folks at Home,’ that would make the
strongest men weep and heave anything at him that they could lay
their hands to. He wasn’t a Jew, as you might suppose from his
name, but only an Italian—‘Jewseppy’ being what the Italians would
probably call a Christian name if they were Christians. I knew him
when I lived in Oshkosh, some twenty years ago. My daughter, who
had studied Italian, used to talk to him in his native language; that is,
she would ask him if he was cold, or hungry, or ashamed, or sleepy,
as the books direct, but as he never answered in the way laid down
in the books, my daughter couldn’t understand a word he said, and
so the conversation would begin to flag. I used to talk to him in
English, which he could speak middling well, and I found him cranky,
but intelligent.
“He was a little, wizened, half-starved-looking man, and if he had
only worn shabby black clothes, you would have taken him for a
millionaire’s confidential clerk, he was so miserable in appearance.
He had two crazes—one was for monkeys, who were, he said,
precisely like men, only they had four hands and tails, which they
could use as lassoes, all of which were in the nature of modern
improvements, and showed that they were an advance on the
original pattern of men. His other craze was his sympathy for the
oppressed. He wanted to liberate everybody, including convicts, and
have every one made rich by law and allowed to do anything he
might want to do. He was what you would call an Anarchist to-day,
only he didn’t believe in disseminating his views by dynamite.
 “SHE WOULD ASK HIM IF HE WAS COLD OR HUNGRY.”

“He had a monkey that died of consumption, and the way that
Jewseppy grieved for the monkey would have touched the heart of
an old-fashioned Calvinist, let alone a heart of ordinary stone. For
nearly a month he wandered around without his organ, occasionally
doing odd jobs of work, which made most people think that he was
going out of his mind. But one day a menagerie came to town, and in
the menagerie was what the show-bill called a gorilla. It wasn’t a
genuine gorilla, as Professor Amariah G. Twitchell, of our university,
proved after the menagerie men had refused to give him and his
family free tickets. However, it was an animal to that effect, and it
would probably have made a great success, for our public, though
critical, is quick to recognize real merit, if it wasn’t that the beast was
very sick. This was Jewseppy’s chance, and he went for it as if he
had been a born speculator. He offered to buy the gorilla for two
dollars, and the menagerie men, thinking the animal was as good as
dead, were glad to get rid of it, and calculated that Jewseppy would
never get the worth of the smallest fraction of his two dollars. There
is where they got left, for Jewseppy knew more about monkeys than
any man living, and could cure any sick monkey that called him in,
provided, of course, the disease was one which medical science
could collar. In the course of a month he got the gorilla thoroughly
repaired, and was giving him lessons in the theory and practice of
organ-grinding.
“The gorilla didn’t take to the work kindly, which, Jewseppy said,
was only another proof of his grand intellect, but Jewseppy trained
him so well that it was not long before he could take the animal with
him when he went out with the organ, and have him pass the plate.
The gorilla always had a line round his waist, and Jewseppy held the
end of it, and sort of telegraphed to him through it when he wanted
him to come back to the organ. Then, too, he had a big whip, and he
had to use it on the gorilla pretty often. Occasionally he had to knock
the animal over the head with the butt end of the whip-handle,
especially when he was playing something on the organ that the
gorilla didn’t like, such as ‘Marching through Georgia,’ for instance.
The gorilla was a great success as a plate-passer, for all the men
were anxious to see the animal, and all the women were afraid not to
give something when the beast put the plate under their noses. You
see, he was as strong as two or three men, and his arms were as
long as the whole of his body, not to mention that his face was a
deep blue, all of which helped to make him the most persuasive
beast that ever took up a collection.
 “Jewseppy had so much to say to me about the gorilla’s wonderful
intelligence that he made me tired, and one day I asked him if he
thought it was consistent with his principles to keep the animal in
slavery. ‘You say he is all the same as a man,’ said I. ‘Then why
don’t you give him a show? You keep him oppressed and down-
trodden the whole time. Why don’t you let him grind the organ for a
while, and take up the collection yourself? Turn about is fair play, and
I can’t see why the gorilla shouldn’t have his turn at the easy end of
the business.’ The idea seemed to strike Jewseppy where he lived.
He was a consistent idiot. I’ll give him credit for that. He wasn’t ready
to throw over his theories every time he found they didn’t pay. Now
that I had pointed out to him his duty toward the gorilla, he was
disposed to do it.
 “THE GORILLA WAS A GREAT SUCCESS.”

“You see, he reasoned that while it would only be doing justice to

the beast to change places with him, it would probably increase the
receipts. When a man can do his duty and make money by it his
path is middling plain; and after Jewseppy had thought it over he
saw that he must do justice to the gorilla without delay.
“It didn’t take the beast long to learn the higher branches of hand-
organing.
“He saw the advantages of putting the money in his own pocket
instead of collecting it and handing it over to Jewseppy, and he
grasped the idea that when he was pushing the little cart that carried
the organ and turning the handle, he was holding a much better
place in the community than when he was dancing and begging at
the end of a rope. I thought, a day or two after I had talked to
Jewseppy, that there was considerable uproar in town, but I didn’t
investigate it until toward evening, when there seemed to be a sort of
riot or temperance meeting, or something of the kind, in front of my
house, and I went out to see about it. There were nearly two
thousand people there watching Jewseppy and his gorilla, or rather
the gorilla and his Jewseppy. The little man had been elevating the
oppressed with great success. A long rope was tied around his
waist, and he was trotting around among the people, taking up the
collection and dancing between times.
“The gorilla was wearing Jewseppy’s coat, and was grinding away
at the organ with one hand and holding Jewseppy’s rope with the
other. Every few minutes he would haul in the rope, hand over hand,
empty all the money out of Jewseppy’s pocket, and start him out
again. If the man stopped to speak to anybody for a moment the
gorilla would haul him in and give him a taste of the whip, and if he
didn’t collect enough money to suit the gorilla’s idea, the animal
would hold him out at arm’s length with one hand and lay into him
with the other till the crowd were driven wild with delight. Nothing
could induce them to think that Jewseppy was in earnest when he
begged them to protect him. They supposed it was all a part of the
play, and the more he implored them to set him free, the more they
laughed and said that ‘thish yer Eyetalian was a bang-up actor.’
“As soon as Jewseppy saw me he began to tell me of his
sufferings. His story lacked continuity, as you might say, for he would
no sooner get started in his narrative than the gorilla would jerk the
rope as a reminder to him to attend strictly to business if he wanted
to succeed in his profession. Jewseppy said that as soon as he tied
the rope around his waist and put the handle of the organ in the
gorilla’s hand the beast saw his chance and proceeded to take
advantage of it. He had already knocked the man down twice with
the handle of the whip, and had lashed him till he was black and
blue, besides keeping him at work since seven o’clock that morning
without anything to eat or drink.