Sword Bimbos

Table of Contents
The Game Itself 3
Build-a-Bimbo 3
Stats 3
Backstory 4
Big Sword 6
The Fighting 7
The Bad Girls 7
GM’s Three Rules 8
 The Game Itself
The game is extremely easy. Every roll is done via rolling a d20 (20-sided die) and adding a
modifier. In this game, you play as a Sword Bimbo: a Bimbo, who happens to wield a big sword.
All bimbos are pale-skinned, blue-eyed and blonde-haired, with some being redheads (5%) or
brunettes (10%). All of them are also actual females, and all of them are heterosexual.

Build-a-Bimbo
To build your own custom Sword Bimbo, you must do the following, in that order.
1. Roll up your stats.
2. Roll up your style and backstory.
3. Roll up your Big Sword.
See? It’s a very easy system.

Stats
The overall system of SWORD BIMBOS is incredibly simple, such that even a bimbo may grasp
it. In SWORD BIMBOS, you play as a bimbo who wields a big sword. There are two primary
stats and 5 secondary stats. The primary stats are SWORD and BIMBO.
SWORD determines your combat and physical skills.
BIMBO determines your mental skills, health and charisma (or, how much you get away with
due to being a STUPID BITCH).
The secondary stats are TITS, ABS, LEGS, ASS and PATIENCE.
TITS determines your defence value and is equal to your initial BIMBO stat.
ABS is your health, and is equal to an average between your SWORD and BIMBO stats, times
two.
LEGS determines how much you can move in metres per turn and is equal to your initial BIMBO
stat.
ASS is the bonus to or penalty from the damage you subtract from the total damage dealt to
you, it’s your ability to shrug off damage. It is equal to half your BIMBO modifier.
PATIENCE is your willpower and is used to resist effects. It is equal to half your initial SWORD
stat.
Each stat has a modifier, which determines what you add to rolls. Modifiers are calculated in
relation to 10. For example, a 10 would give you a +0 modifier. A 9 would give you a -1, a 11
would give you a +1.
To roll your stats, roll 4d6 (six-sided dice) and drop the lowest one. Add the results together and
you have your stat.
Backstory
While most systems give you free reign over your backstory, this one does not. Wouldn’t want
you to get too attached, eh? Please roll on the following tables for your character’s style.
Style and Stuff (roll 3d10, compare each result to the rolled die)
1d10 Clothes Hair “Stuff”

1 Nude! Long, wild and all over Piercings in intimate

places

2 Only a thong, made of Hime cut Pretty nails

animal guts.

3 Micro bikini made of Half shaved, half long Elaborate make-up

chainmail.

4 Fur cape, metal nipple Wolf cut Naturally lacking

tassels, skin panties body hair

5 Skin-tight highleg leotard, Dreads Earrings or nose

made of skin and fur. rings

6 Hotpants and capelet, Tied back in a bun Rings

both made of leather.

7 Elaborate lingerie, made Ponytail Dyed strands of hair

of feathers, leather and
guts.

8 Full body skin suit, made
of dolphin skin.
Expensive, and very
form-fitting.
Slicked back Tattoo on your lower
stomach in the shape
of a heart. You know
the kind, you
degenerate.

9 Reverse or normal bunny Inverted bob Beauty mark in an

suit (50/50 chance). Made intimate place.
of leather and dried guts.

10 Panties and stockings Long braid, reaching down to the Roll twice
with a garter belt. Made of butt.
guts and bones.
After you’re done rolling on this table, now roll on the Backstory tables below.
Location (1d4)
1d4 I come from the…

1 Northern Snowlands

2 Eastern Steppe

3 Southern Jungle

4 Western Colony
Family Ranking (1d6)
1d6 Family Ranking

1 Clan Leader’s bloodline

2 Honour Guard (20%) Army (80%)

3 Traders

4 Explorers

5 Beggars

6 Slaves
Family Status (1d4)
1d4 Family Status

1-2 All is well

3-4 All is NOT well. Come up with the reason “why” yourself.
Reason to Fight (1d6)
1d6 Reason to Fight

1 One of the opposing factions has sole access to your favourite shade of lipstick.

2 Period pains, the clan shaman said fighting shall cure it.

3 You believe the other factions are lesser to you.

4 A vision you had once illuminated the Divinity of Man to you, and He has said you
must fight other women for Him.

5 You’re a weirdo and a masochist.

6 You're a wicked sadist.

Big Sword
Pommel (1d4)
1d4 Pommel

1 Round and pretty, with a gem.

2 Cutesy animal picture ornament, made from metal.

3 Clan insignia, crafted from wood.

4 It’s bland and made of metal, but you can unscrew and throw it. END THEM
RIGHTLY!
Handle (1d4)
1d4 Handle Type

1 Weird design of an animal, made from a mix of metal, leather and wood

2 Ornate metal swirls, the handle itself is phallic in shape, complete with a big vein.

3 Leather, this handle has indents for finger spaces.

4 Plain ol’ wood.

Hilt (1d4)
1d4 Hilt

1 Katana-like

2 Western, traditional sword guard.

3 No guard. You don’t care about all that.

4 A ring, through which you can put your hand to make the sword spin. Not practical,
but looks cool.
Blade (1d4)
1d4 Blade

1 “It was too big, too bulky and too crude to be called a sword…” (1d12)

2 A metal bat, essentially. (1d10)

3 A wooden pole with bits of metal stuck through it. (1d8)

4 A whip made of virgin hair. More range, but more dangerous. (1d6, but your Melee
Range is doubled. Upon rolling a 1, you strike yourself.)
The Fighting
The fighting system is quite simple:
1. Roll Initiative (1d20+Sword)
2. When your turn comes, you can move an amount of metres equal to your Legs stat.
3. When you get into melee range (that is, right next to a hostile creature), you may attack.
Roll 1d20+Sword modifier, against their Tits stat. If the roll exceeds the Tits stat, you
hit.
a. Instead of attacking, you may instead opt for a Dirty Trick; something like pulling
down her panties, groping, or otherwise distracting the opposing BITCH. Roll
Bimbo against the opponent’s Patience. Should you succeed, this deals an
amount of damage equal to the difference between the roll and the Patience stat,
and the opponent skips her next turn. Reduce the opponent’s Patience stat by
1d4 each time a Dirty Trick occurs. If 3 Dirty Tricks are done to the same target
successfully, the target is knocked out.
4. Damage dealt via the regular attacks is equal to the damage die you get from your Big
Sword table. Add or subtract your Sword modifier.
5. The opponent reduces the damage dealt by their Ass modifier.
6. If damage is not nullified, reduce the opponent's Tits by 1, and take the damage away
from the Abs stat.
7. If any stat is reduced to 0, the target of this is finished. It is up to the attacker to decide
what happens to the victim.
As I said, it's very easy. There’s no other components.

The Bad Girls

Of course, there’s also Bad people for you to destroy. There’s only 4 factions:
● Sword Bimbo: Barbaric blondes with big tits, big asses and bigger swords. THE ONLY
PLAYABLE FACTION. Separated into family clans, frequently have wars over
naturally-occurring makeup pigments, hoard them as resources. Sword Bimbos are
accepting of the Church of Man, though no Sword Bimbo has become one of the high
priestesses of it. Sword Bimbos are the most numerous and live all across the world,
having many settlements, though most settlements are small.
○ 3d6 Sword
○ 4d6 Tits
○ Regular Sword Table (from the beginning)
● Axe Goth: Axe Goths are the diametric opposite of the Sword Bimbo and compete for
similar resources. Neither tolerate each others’ presence. Axe Goths are evil and seek to
take over the Church of Man, because they wish to make Man their own and keep Man
as a slave, while the other two civilised factions see Man as God, rather than an ideal to
strive for. Axe Goths do not use swords, believing them to be stupid and mainstream,
and speak clearly and hatefully, unlike the Sword Bimbos with their degenerated tongues
or the Flail Wives, with their drawl and overly friendly accent. Axe Goths do not wear
standard clothes, instead opting for the most revealing options. Some pierce their skin
 with needles to appear more fearsome. Axe Goths are mostly brunettes and have pale
white skin, due to residing underground.
○ 4d6 Sword
○ 2d6+3 Tits
○ Axe: 1d12 damage, very heavy (cannot be used by other factions)
● Flail Wife: Flail Wives are who spread the religion of the Church of Man, and who are its
most fervent priestesses. They reside far in the mountains and sing praises all day long.
They wear long conservative dresses, for which they are ridiculed by their less prudish
kin. The settlements of Flail Wives are beautifully built, and the Flail Wives themselves
do not share their secrets with any. Their cooking is also something considered a
delicacy. Flail Wives are light-skinned, with straight ginger hair and bigger tits than the
Bimbos. They tend to have grey or green eyes, and usually put on little to no makeup
and abhor tattoos.
○ 2d6+3 Sword
○ 4d6 Tits
○ Flail: 1d8 damage, unwieldy (cannot be used by other factions)
● Khu’maer (pronounced “coomer”): A violent and strange race of (according to the
Church of Man) demons, who live in the trees. They are all men, though twisted and evil.
All of them have one massive and muscular arm, and their other arm is weak and feeble.
They swing from trees and shout the word “COOM” every time they see a member of the
Three Lands (Wives, Goths and Bimbos). Many of the civilised folk disappear due to the
machinations of the Khu’m Khan and his Khu’maer kin. Of course, they do horrid things
to the women they capture and many warriors are told to slay themselves before falling
into their clutches. They are naturally stronger than women, but also naturally dumber,
requiring only one Dirty Trick to scatter away in fear.
○ 5d6 Sword
○ 1d6 Tits
○ Slam: 2d6+2 damage.
● Godmen: They come rarely, but no one fights them, as they are beautiful and majestic,
akin to the gods of the Three Lands. They bring gifts, and demand nothing in return.
Although their technology is impressive, no one fights them. They wield strange magic
weapons that shoot fire and smoke, and are capable of immediately killing any who wish
harm upon them. They are truly godlike in power and appearance!

GM’s Three Rules

Just remember that the genre is primal fantasy meaning that everyone is clad in furs and the
world is a lush jungle. The primary religion is the Church of Man, the worship of a mythical
creature known as a Man. Not even the highest priestesses of Manism know what a man
actually is, but at some point, a bottle washed up with a magazine about male bodybuilding, so
they treat it the by (now decayed) picture book of near-naked men as religious literature, since
men do not exist in the world of Sword Bimbos. The most powerful god of the Church of Man is
a German bodybuilder who is listed in the back as the greatest of winners, and his famous
quote is “I’ll be back!”