Revision Matrix
Text from my initial WP
submission:
These articles reflect Major
League Baseball as a
multidimensional field of
study, as they put on display
the contrasting writing
conventions of statistical and
historical disciplines through
differences in argumentation
and evidence, structure, and
target audience in their
respective scholarly or
discourse communities.
(WP1)
All of the insights gathered
were developed on a
mathematical basis, leading to
the article’s incredibly
logistical approach to
baseball (WP1)
This is not the only scholarly
approach to baseball, though,
as the discipline of history
forms arguments about the
A comment The change(s) I made to How this change
or question what I initially wrote: impacts my paper:
I received:
What is These articles contrast the This change gives
your writing conventions of my paper a much
argument statistical and historical more specific
regarding disciplines in their thesis, which helps
the respective scholarly or with the
difference discourse communities as organization,
between the such: the statistical article coherence, and
disciplines? utilizes a mathematical flow of my paper.
and scientific-based
method, a systematic
structure, and appeals to a
very specific audience,
while the historical article
incorporates a more
broad-based method of
argumentation and
evidence, a chronological
structure, and is targeted
towards a wider audience.
Sounds odd All of the evidence This change fixes
gathered for this article grammar and gives
comes in the form of the paper more
datasets and models, and flow.
appeals to discourse
communities centered
around the application of
machine learning and
statistics to sports.
Why does The nature of the article’s This is a much
this matter? argument and the style of more concise,
supporting evidence is clear transitional
typical for the statistical sentence than the
sport in a way which
invigorates entirely separate
discourse communities.
(WP1)
For instance, the author
explains that “The 1981 strike
injected acrimony and
urgency…” (WP1)
Beyond the differences in
structure, the articles exhibit a
clear difference in target
audience, jargon, and tone.
The target audience of the
statistics-based article are
statisticians, sports analysts,
and possibly MLB team
strategists. Additionally, it
appeals to discourse
communities which include
members knowledgeable
about machine learning and
its applications. The tone is
very technical and scientific,
with statistical terminology
and complex analytical
techniques. This scientific
nature contrasts with the other
article, which appeals to a
broader audience of
historians, sociologists, and
those interested in the cultural
aspects of sports. While the
first article intertwines
baseball with technology, the
second article suggests a new
way to view the
popularization of fantasy
discipline and stands in previous more
contrast to the historical jumbled,
approach. drawn-out version.
Comment For instance, the author This change fixes
about explains that the 1981 a problem with
grammar strike brought about “the grammar leading
problems conditions of into the quotation.
with lead-in possibility…”
This Beyond the differences in Adding this
paragraph structure, the articles citation gives the
lacks exhibit a clear distinction paragraph ample
sufficient in the target audience, evidence to back
evidence to jargon, and tone. The up its claims.
back up its target audience of the
claims statistics-based article is
statisticians, sports
analysts, and possibly
MLB team strategists.
Additionally, it appeals to
discourse communities
which include members
knowledgeable about
machine learning and its
applications. The tone is
very technical and
scientific, with statistical
terminology and complex
analytical techniques.
Each of these aspects is
embodied in the
“Discussion” section of
the article, which includes
remarks like, “Although
baseball analytics (also
known as sabermetrics)
has been active for a long
time, PITCHf/x
 sports, challenging the technology has now
predominant technological brought big data to the
narrative. The language and forefront. In this article,
tone in this article are much we have used machine
more accessible as well, and learning techniques on a
unlike the first article require massive dataset to learn
little knowledge of specific about the quality of
jargon in order to understand pitches.”1 This scientific
the message. (WP1) nature contrasts with the
other article, which
appeals to a broader
audience of historians,
sociologists, and those
interested in the cultural
aspects of sports. While
the first article intertwines
baseball with technology,
the second article suggests
a new way to view the
popularization of fantasy
sports, challenging the
predominant technological
narrative. The language
and tone in this article are
much more accessible as
well, and unlike the first
article require little
knowledge of specific
jargon to understand the
message.

For instance, a major method There is a One of these is PITCHf/x, This change
of gathering evidence for the flow issue which provides detailed creates a stronger
article was the usage of with this information on pitches lead-in which
PITCHf/x, which provides sentence thrown in MLB resulting flows into the
detailed information on in “a matrix comprised of quote well.
pitches thrown in MLB with 2,170,035 observations
the authors stating, “The

1
Swartz et al., “The Quality of Pitches,” 154.
 resulting data are a matrix (pitches) and 74
comprised of 2,170,035 corresponding…”
observations (pitches) and 74
corresponding…” (WP1)

This type of structure This The structure of “The These changes cut
involving frequent graphs and section is Quality of Pitches in down on the
other visualizations is long, and Major League Baseball” is length of the
common among statistics and making it presented with overall paper
the discourse communities to more straightforward sections which was above
which it appeals. The section compact/sh that are mapped out in a the word limit, and
following the introduction is ortening it way that resembles the also give the paper
titled “Data,” and includes will help general statistical much smoother
the statistics from PITCH/x.2 me cut discipline, with the flow.
This is followed by section 3 down to the abstract and introduction
which is titled “Approach.” It 6 page serving as a means of
is within “Approach” where maximum background information
the statistical model of and organization for the
various pitch qualities is put study followed by areas
on full display.3 The next describing data,
section is titled “Estimation methodology, and
of Expected Bases,” and is applications. Additionally,
split into two subsections: the consistent use of
“Estimation of a(C) and heatmaps and other
b(C),” and “Estimation of graphics provides visual
E(TCD) using Random interpretations of the
Forests.” This section uses complex data, making the
random forest technology to results more accessible to
predict the total bases given the reader. This type of
up by a pitch.4 The next structure involving
section is titled frequent graphs and other
“Applications,” and its visualizations is common
subsections are titled among statistics and the
“Change in Pitching discourse communities to
Performance Throughout a which it appeals.

2
Swartz et al., “The Quality of Pitches,” 149.
3
Swartz et al., “The Quality of Pitches,” 149.
4
Swartz et al., “The Quality of Pitches,” 150-152.
 Game,” “Heatmaps based on Following the
pitch location, and Evaluation introduction, the sections
of Pitchers.”5 The final and their titles in order are:
section is titled “Discussion,” “Data,” which includes
and it serves as the the statistics from
conclusion to the article.6 PITCH/x,7 “Approach,”
This top-to-bottom approach which includes a statistical
begins with an overlook, model of various pitch
transitions to a display and qualities,8 “Estimation of
description of data, and Expected Bases” and its
finishes with an analysis and subsections “Estimation of
explanation of the research a(C) and b(C)” and
project is traditional for “Estimation of E(TCD)
articles within the statistical using Random Forests”
discipline. (WP1) which incorporates
random forest technology
to predict the total bases
given up by a pitch,9
“Applications” and its
subsections “Change in
Pitching Performance
Throughout a Game,”
“Heatmaps based on pitch
location, and Evaluation of
Pitchers,”10 and
“Discussion” which is the
conclusion to the article.11
Traditional for articles
within the statistical

5
Swartz et al., “The Quality of Pitches,” 152-154.
6
Swartz et al., “The Quality of Pitches,” 154.
7
Swartz et al., “The Quality of Pitches,” 149.
8
Swartz et al., “The Quality of Pitches,” 149.
9
Swartz et al., “The Quality of Pitches,” 150-152.
10
Swartz et al., “The Quality of Pitches,” 152-154.
11
Swartz et al., “The Quality of Pitches,” 154.
 discipline, this
top-to-bottom approach
begins with an overlook,
transitions to a display and
description of data, and
finishes with an analysis
and explanation of the
research project.

The first subheading is titled This On the contrary, the These changes cut
“The Strike That Split A section is “Major League Baseball down on the
Season,” and it covers the long, and Labour Conflict and the length of the
beginning of the strike of making it Popularization of Fantasy overall paper
1981.12 The next section is more Baseball” article follows a which was above
titled “The Green, Green compact/sh structure attributed to the word limit, and
Grass (Roots) of Roto,” and it ortening it discipline of history and also give the paper
expands on the fallout of the will help the discourse communities a much smoother
strike of 1981.13 The next me cut of sports history and flow. (Same as
section is titled “The Lockout down to the fantasy baseball. It above)
That Freed The Fans,” and it 6-page resembles the historical
covers the strike of 1985.14 maximum narrative structure,
Following this section is “The (Same as adhering to a
Strike That Spurred A other chronological presentation
Revolution,” which covers structure of the transformation of
the strike of 1994.15 The next paragraph) fan experiences as a result
section is titled “The of pivotal labor conflicts.
Revolution Will Be Following the overview
Fantasized,” and it slightly provided in the abstract
expands on the strike of 1994 and introduction, multiple
while covering the influence subheadings split up the
of fans on the sport.16 The article into sections, with
final section is titled “The their titles and order being:

12
Ploeg, “Major League Baseball Labour,” 1388-1390.
13
Ploeg, “Major League Baseball Labour,” 1390-1392.
14
Ploeg, “Major League Baseball Labour,” 1393-1394.
15
Ploeg, “Major League Baseball Labour,” 1394-1396.
16
Ploeg, “Major League Baseball Labour,” 1396-1399.
 Long Road from Rotisserie to “The Strike That Split A
Fantasy,” and it serves as a Season” which covers the
conclusion to the article, beginning of the strike of
restating some of the major 1981,18 “The Green, Green
claims made about the effect Grass (Roots) of Roto”
of the labor conflicts on which expands on the
fantasy sport.17 (WP1) fallout of the strike of
1981,19 “The Lockout That
Freed The Fans” which
examines the strike of
1985,20 “The Strike That
Spurred A Revolution”
which discusses the strike
of 1994,21 “The
Revolution Will Be
Fantasized” which slightly
expands on the strike of
1994 while covering the
influence of fans on the
sport,22 and “The Long
Road from Rotisserie to
Fantasy” which serves as a
conclusion to the article,
restating some of the
major claims made about
the effect of the labor
conflicts on fantasy
sport.23 The structure of
this article compared to its
statistical counterpart is

17
Ploeg, “Major League Baseball Labour,” 1399-1400.
18
Ploeg, “Major League Baseball Labour,” 1388-1390.
19
Ploeg, “Major League Baseball Labour,” 1390-1392.
20
Ploeg, “Major League Baseball Labour,” 1393-1394.
21
Ploeg, “Major League Baseball Labour,” 1394-1396.
22
Ploeg, “Major League Baseball Labour,” 1396-1399.
23
Ploeg, “Major League Baseball Labour,” 1399-1400.
 evidence of a divide
between the disciplines
and discourse
communities. Rather than
an emphasis on data,
images, and scientific
reasoning, the structure of
the historical article lacks
any sort of visual element
and instead follows a
chronological
organization. This type of
organization and a
breakdown of a few key
events is what gives the
historical discipline and its
discourse communities an
identifying factor, whereas
a systematic and numerical
approach is aligned with
the discipline and
discourse communities of
statistics.

“The extraordinary surge in Is this “The extraordinary surge This change

popularity of fantasy sport in entire quote in popularity of fantasy eliminated an
the mid-to-late-1990s is then necessary? sport in the unnecessary part
neither mysterious nor mid-to-late-1990s is then of the quotation,
entirely explained by the neither mysterious nor allowing room for
prevalence of the internet. It entirely explained by the more
is to a great extent a logical prevalence of the internet. analysis/reporting.
and historical outgrowth of It is to a great extent a
labour conflict in major North logical and historical
American sport, and outgrowth of labour
particularly MLB, that had conflict in major North
repeatedly and significantly American sport.”
disrupted the American
sporting landscape for two
decades.” (WP2, Genre
Translation)
 the influence of genre on There are the influence of genre on By adding a “the”
delivery and reception of minor the delivery and reception before the words
content is crucial. The grammar of content is crucial. The delivery and
components of academic issues with components of academic inclusion, the
articles are centered around the articles are centered sentence is
inclusion of data, a formal sentence around the inclusion of grammatically
tone, and very chronological data, a formal tone, and correct and also
organization. (WP2) very chronological flows better.
organization.

This idea holds true for the Rework the In my newspaper article, Reworking this
academic historical article sentence though, I avoid the sentence and the
which includes more complex leading into scientific jargon and paragraph, in
language, and it is an aspect I the explain the implications of general, allowed
chose to avoid in my quotation the data rather than me to make my
translation to a newspaper presenting the entirety of writing more
article. Furthermore, as the data, doing so by concise while
Sandra Giles notes in her organizing the information maintaining its
piece on reflective writing to emphasize its direct initial message.
and the revision process, relevance and using The sentence that
“reflection helps you to creative writing to make precedes the
develop your intentions the ideas more easily quotation is now a
(purpose), [and] figure out understood and relatable. bolstered, more
your relation to your Additionally, as Sandra full analysis.
audience.”24 (WP2) Giles notes in her piece on
reflective writing and the
revision process,
“Reflection helps you to
develop your intentions
(purpose), [and] figure out
your relation to your
audience.”25

24
Giles, “Reflective Writing and the Revision Process: What Were You Thinking?” 193.
25
Giles, “Reflective Writing and the Revision Process: What Were You Thinking?” 193.
The article titled "Major Fix the The article titled "Major Fixing the tenses
League Baseball Labour grammar League Baseball Labour within the
Conflict and the and flow of Conflict and the sentence as well as
Popularization of Fantasy this topic Popularization of Fantasy making it more
Baseball" was written in sentence. Baseball" is written in concise helped
academic norms, which academic norms, thereby with the flow of
played a huge role on how the shaping the way it is the paper.
article is presented to readers. presented to readers.
(WP2)

In following these scholarly Consider In following these The transitional

conventions, Ploeg not only
adheres to his audience's
shared values about in-depth
knowledge, but also
effectively engages in
academic writing that is
supported by explicit textual
proof. (WP2)
adding a scholarly conventions, element gives the
transitional Ploeg not only adheres to paper more flow
element to his audience's shared by leading into the
the end of values about in-depth following
this knowledge but also paragraph nicely.
sentence effectively crafts a strong
argument supported by
explicit proof, conventions
that stray from the norms
of newspaper articles.

In translating the scholarly Restructure In translating the scholarly The paragraph is

piece into a newspaper this piece into a newspaper now more concise
article, I carefully balanced paragraph article, I carefully and possesses a
conformity as well as to have the balanced conformity as stronger flow, with
deviation from the norms quotations well as deviation from the the quotations
typical to both academic and weaved in norms typical to both being placed
journalistic genres. A major more nicely academic and journalistic strategically.
shift in this process involved (helps with genres. A major shift in
departing from the formal, flow and this process involved
impersonal tone included in organizatio departing from the formal,
scholarly writing, and n of paper) impersonal tone included
adopting a more engaging in scholarly writing, and
voice typical of newspaper adopting a more engaging
 writing. This required a voice typical of newspaper
framework that put the most writing. This required a
newsworthy information up framework that put the
front, incorporating the use of most newsworthy
anecdotal evidence, and then information upfront like
balancing it all with a more the New York Times
straightforward yet creative example, then balanced it
style. This made the dense all with a more
issue of labor disputes and straightforward style like
their impact on fantasy The Guardian example,
baseball more accessible and and incorporated the use
compelling to a wider of anecdotal evidence like
audience. In order to preserve the USA Today example.
the academic discussion of Inspired by Janet Boyd’s
the original content, I retained “Murder! (Rhetorically
the core facts of the article Speaking),” I decided not
and included a scholarly to include the heavier
reference in the story. I then academic vocabulary, to
presented those more ensure that these writings
complex ideas within a direct could be digested by a
and conversational larger audience. Boyd
framework that matches the claims that “When you
newspaper reader’s write an academic paper,
expectations. In a typical you are practicing how to
academic article, the reliance use the jargon you have
on data and the carefully internalized through
structured argument are in the studying that discipline as
foreground. In this newspaper you write for professors
article, though, I explain the and students within that
implications of the data rather field.”28 In my newspaper
than presenting the entirety of article, though, I avoid the
the data, doing so by scientific jargon and
organizing the information to explain the implications of
emphasize its direct the data rather than
relevance, and using creative presenting the entirety of
writing to make the ideas the data, doing so by
more easily understood and organizing the information

28
Boyd, “Murder! (Rhetorically Speaking),” 89.
 relatable. The two main to emphasize its direct
concerns I had working relevance and using
through this process were creative writing to make
ensuring factual accuracy, and the ideas more easily
also keeping the key insights understood and relatable.
from the original study while Additionally, as Sandra
making the content easy to Giles notes in her piece on
read and compelling to more reflective writing and the
people. Inspired by Janet revision process,
Boyd’s “Murder! “Reflection helps you to
(Rhetorically Speaking),” I develop your intentions
decided not to include the (purpose), [and] figure out
heavier academic vocabulary, your relation to your
to ensure that these writings audience.”29 My intentions
could be digested by a larger in creating this newspaper
audience. Boyd claims that article were to make it
“When you write an academic compact, interesting, and
paper, you are practicing how informative while
to use the jargon you have maintaining the substance
internalized through studying of the original academic
that discipline as you write text. Consequently, my
for professors and students article is not only more
within that field.”26 This idea approachable for a general
holds true for the academic audience but also keeps
historical article which the original study’s
includes more complex findings intact.
language, and it is an aspect I
chose to avoid in my
translation to a newspaper
article. Furthermore, as
Sandra Giles notes in her
piece on reflective writing
and the revision process,
“reflection helps you to
develop your intentions
(purpose), [and] figure out

26
Boyd, “Murder! (Rhetorically Speaking),” 89.
29
Giles, “Reflective Writing and the Revision Process: What Were You Thinking?” 193.
 your relation to your
audience.”27 My intentions in
creating this newspaper
article were to make it
compact, interesting, and
informative while
maintaining the substance of
the original academic text.
Consequently, my article is
not only more approachable
for a general audience, but
also keeps the original study’s
findings intact. (WP2)

The strikes of 1981 and 1994 Add more The strikes of 1981 and The added
were pivotal in creating and analysis/rep 1994 were instrumental in reporting gives the
expanding fantasy leagues, orting creating and expanding article more
which subsequently became a following fantasy leagues, which substance,
popular way for fans to the subsequently became a ultimately giving it
personally reclaim the sport quotation popular way for fans to more authenticity
they loved so much. (WP2, personally reclaim the as well.
genre translation) sport. Fantasy baseball
distracted fans from the
uncertainty and uproar
caused by the strikes, and
rekindled their love for the
game.

27
Giles, “Reflective Writing and the Revision Process: What Were You Thinking?” 193.