Text from my initial A comment or The change(s) I made How this change

WP submission: question I received to what I initially impacts my paper

(Note which WP) (from where and wrote
who?)

WP1: The concept of Allison: The thesis Sociology is the study This change impacts
“family” is a construct seems more like a of human societies, my paper because I
that is examined by statement of purpose relationships, families, managed to make my
both sociologists and and it's not clear what and how we interact thesis more clear in
psychologists. Siblings, your argument is - with one another. regard to the rest of the
parents, relatives, and what conventions will Psychology, on the paper. I believe I made
even economic and you examine? what is other hand, focuses on it clear what
social factors, are all the difference between the mind and behavior conventions would be
things that Sociologists the disciplines? of individuals, discussed and what the
believe fall under the constantly asking differences between
term “family”. questions about why them would look like
Psychologists though we act in a certain way in accordance to my
show us a real-life and how we think. thesis and opening
implementation of this Both fields share the sentences.
word by analyzing the subject of people, and
individual and yet they are focused on
understanding the the different parts of
mind. Although both us, one socially, and
are very different fields, another mentally.
they have their overlaps When exploring their
and differences despite interdisciplinary
speaking about the writing of families, it
same word, ‘family’. By becomes apparent how
analyzing these two their styles deviate
disciplines we are able from one another in
to understand how the form of evidence,
each side constructs the language used, and
arguments, how these how each side develops
articles showcase the their research question.
differences in their
disciplines, and
ultimately what
scholarly communities
they create.
WP1: The article “The Allison: Which When discussing With this change, I
Politics of Concepts: discipline does each disciplines such as have completely
Family and Its article belong to? sociology and revamped how the
(Putative) psychology, it is article is introduced,
Replacements” focuses important to which discipline each
on family by understand how each article belongs to and
addressing the side develops its also the removal of the
argument that there is research question. footnote. It was moved
a “movement towards Why is “family” on to another sentence
a conceptual shift that important to them and but for just this
would displace the in what context is it sentence it has been
concept of ‘family’ being examined on moved over.
[and how it] seeks to both sides? In the
subordinate and sociological article,
re-orientate the “The politics of
concept of family concepts: family and
within or replace it its (putative)
entirely with ideas replacements” the
focusing around authors take a much
personal life, intimacy, more technical
and kinship.” approach, analyzing
the term and how it is
important for scholars
in the field to
acknowledge its
different applications
in various social
settings.

WP1: The article “The Allison: What is the When discussing

Politics of Concepts: argument of this disciplines such as sociology
Family and Its (Putative) and psychology, it is
paragraph? important to understand
Replacements” focuses
how each side develops its
on family by addressing
research question. Why is
the argument that there “family” important to them
is a “movement towards a and in what context is it
conceptual shift that being examined on both
would displace the sides? In the sociological
concept of ‘family’ [and article, “The politics of
how it] seeks to concepts: family and its
subordinate and (putative) replacements”
the authors take a much
re-orientate the concept
of family within or
replace it entirely with
ideas focusing around
personal life, intimacy,
and kinship.” They are
trying to shine a light
that the word “family”
should not be
overshadowed by
different terms as it could
cut off a valuable lens.
Alternatively, the authors
of “Integrating Positive
Psychology into Family
Therapy: Positive Family
Therapy” take on the
same topic in a much
different manner. Instead
of focusing on the term
family and its
implications, the authors
look at it at face value
and how it involves
individuals on a
psychological level. Here
the authors bring the
argument that positive
family therapy is
“culturally sensitive,
growth-oriented, and
hope-enhancing”, in
other words, that families
can benefit from positive
family therapy and that it
can be integrated into
psychology research.
Although both of these
articles use “family” in
their own way, it is
important to understand
how they differ from one
another in their findings,
research methods, and
more technical approach,
analyzing the term and how
it is important for scholars
in the field to acknowledge
its different applications in
various social settings.
These applications range
wider than kinship,
personal life, and intimacy,
and by only categorizing as
such, “[cut] off a valuable
lens for understanding key
aspects both of people’s
lives and policy
developments.”
Alternatively, in
“Integrating Positive
Psychology Into Family
Therapy: Positive Family
Therapy” we are able to see
a vastly different approach
to the same topic.
Psychologists are not as
focused on the technical
side of the word “family”,
but rather on how it is
linked to their work in
terms of therapy and
offering a new insight into a
household. The authors
focus on giving an
“orientation for integrating
positive psychology
research into family
therapy,” and how it can
provide a different set of
procedures for
psychologists moving
forward. Despite both
sociology and psychology
focusing on family, their
research questions develop
much differently from each
other, expanding on their
individual uniqueness and
arguments.
tone.
WP1: Here the authors Allison: Run on
bring the argument sentence
that positive family
therapy is “culturally
sensitive,
growth-oriented, and
hope-enhancing”, in
other words, that
families can benefit
from positive family
therapy and that it can
be integrated into
psychology research.
WP1: 1. Collie W. Conoley
et al., “Integrating Positive
Psychology into Family
Therapy,” The Counseling
Psychologist 43, no. 5 (April 3,
2015): 703–33,
https://doi.org/10.1177/0011
000015575392, 1.
WP1: it is important
to understand how
they differ from one
another in their
findings, research
methods, and tone.
WP1: Sociology is the
study of human
relationships,
institutions, and how
Removed sentence
Allison: which page is 1. Collie W. Conoley et al.,
“Integrating Positive
the quote on?
Psychology into Family
Therapy,” The Counseling
Psychologist 43, no. 5 (April 3,
2015): 703–33,
https://doi.org/10.1177/0011
000015575392, 25.
Allison: so these are showcase the
the conventions you'll differences in their
examine? disciplines, and
ultimately what
scholarly communities
they create.
Allison: this sounds Sociology is the
more like a thesis study of human societies,
relationships, families, and
how we interact with one
I have decided to
remove this sentence
from the essay because
I felt like it wasnt
working. I changed the
argument to a different
section of the paper
and so this sentence in
the original writing
project was removed.
Here I fixed the
footnote. The original
quote is different and I
changed the quote
entirely but I did
manage to find the
page number and add
it to the footnote.
This part was changed
in order to focus on a
new set of arguments
and it also was moved
up to the first
paragraph. It originally
sounded off being so
far down and made the
thesis sound a bit
unclear so I tweaked it
to be more clear.
Here I did end up
changing it to my
thesis paragraph at the
people react within
groups, societies, and
more.” Psychology on
the other hand is the
study of the mind and
behavior which often
includes understanding
the things that we do and
why we do them. They
both focus on
understanding people in
different ways,
psychology in the mind,
and sociology with other
people. They both use
qualitative and
quantitative forms of
understanding and both
present research and data
in their own ways to
support their arguments.
In this case, we see how
the term “family” is
argued as a definition by
sociologists, and how it is
practiced in the eyes of a
psychologist.
WP1: enhancing”1,
WP1: In the article “The
Politics of Concepts:
Family and Its (Putative)
Replacements” we come to
another. Psychology, on the top. I liked what I
other hand, focuses on the wrote and I wanted it
mind and behavior of
individuals, constantly
to be a bit more
concise and
asking questions about why
we act in a certain way and straightforward
how we think. Both fields without all the fluff I
share the subject of people,
added before
and yet they are focused on
the different parts of us, one
socially, and another
mentally. When exploring
their interdisciplinary
writing of families, it
becomes apparent how
their styles deviate from one
another in the form of
evidence, the language used,
and how each side develops
their research question.
Allison: Footnote therapy,”1 Here I changed the
footnote because it had
the punctuation
outside of the
footnote. I instead put
all punctuation on the
inside of the
quotations and
finished it off with a
footnote.
Girlfriend(Michelle): While each discipline is able Here I got rid of the
You don't need to add to provide a good basis for repetition of the source
how their claims and
the source again as evidence are sourced, it is
and instead just took
understand how the
authors present evidence,
structure their findings, and
who their intended
audience is. Sociology, in
order to maintain
credibility, must actively
cite others' verified work
and add to something that
was already seen as accepted
long as you just specify also important to discuss the advice given to
which discipline it's how the authors benefit specify the discipline it
from or argue against
coming from different experts in their
came from.
respective fields. In the
sociological article, for
instance, evidence is used in
both ways, allowing for
discussion or
argumentation.

WP1: Numerical evidence Roommate (Mia): This part was removed I chose to remove this
in sociology is not This part sounds a from the final paper because my argument
uncommon as we have seen,
but it is not as commonly
little muddy so you had changed and so I
referenced in certain topics. could revise it. Also, didn’t see the need to
In psychology, for instance, the punctuation of the keep this original
a less quantitative approach footnote is off. paragraph in the final
is also used as the focus is product. I did however
much more on application
and analyzing the mind. In
keep some of the
the psychology article, we wording such as
see the argument for quantitative and the
positive family therapy mention of PFT.
which highly focuses on the
application of positive
family therapy in the home
lives of people. It
commonly uses a shortened
version of this phrase,
referring to it as “PFT” and
another phrase,
“solution-focused therapy
(SFT) which has
preliminary support from
studies on a number of
populations and
conditions”. Using these
phrases they open up the
abbreviations to the public
but also begin to create not
as much of a closed
environment. It allows the
reader to understand these
terms and think critically
about what they might
mean in the context of the
paper as a whole.
WP1: The tone in any
text of work is
important when it
comes down to
discussing the same
things.
WP1: I think that both
articles are impactful in
their own way, differing in
their teachings and
practices which would
influence their fields. One
discipline takes a much
different approach to the
other and their differences
separate their fields despite
discussing the same topics. I
agree with what both are
trying to argue and I think
their approaches and
mannerisms are what plays
an important role in the
discussion of their work.
Each article uses an
extensive amount of
sources, an organized
sub-section, and a header
format including
conclusions and
introduction, yet they cover
completely different things
despite having the same big
theme, “family”. Different
topics and disciplines
require specific measures,
evidence, and formatting in
order to show their findings
and this is just one of the
many ways that we are able
to show how each discipline
tackles the same thing
William: This is good Removed I decided to remove
but probably can be the discussion of tone
changed to flow a bit in the WP1 final draft
better because I felt like I
wasn’t as interested in
it as I thought I was. I
ended up sticking to
argument, research
question and evidence
Roommate (Salvador): Each article is impactful in Here I shortened the
I think that this its own way, adding more conclusion
knowledge to a vast pool of
conclusion is good and information that continues
substantially, cutting
summarizes the to grow continuously. Both down on any excessive
paragraphs nicely. disciplines, although wordings and making
Although I did feel like separated in their studies, what I think is a better
it was a bit all over the share their similarities and wrap up to the paper. I
differences when
place approaching the same
wanted to make it
topic. In the case of family, sound coherent while
we were able to observe staying short and
how each side approached sweet.
the word, whether it be in
the form of an application
like psychology, or in the
form of how it is perceived
and how it is applicable as a
term and lens for people to
use in sociology. Every
choice made in either article
is intentional in its
argument, wording,
evidence, and more. It
communicates a message
that can only be interpreted
by those in their respective
discipline and knowledge
levels.
through different
approaches.
WP1: The psychology
article shows us something
a little different, as although
we are not meant to be
reading it as casual viewers,
it is still interesting to
dissect the language that it
uses, how it guides
professionals in the field,
and how it ultimately
changes up what the
normality is in the field of
psychology. It has made its
impact and it is something
that can be taken apart to
understand why this
argument needs to happen
regarding positive family
therapy and who this will
be affecting in the future.
WP1: Overall
WP1:
“https://www.statistics
.gov.uk/focuson/famili
es/”
Roommate (Juan): Similarly, psychology Here I changed up the
Decent overall but I uses its own set of amount that I wrote
think that there is jargon and language. It and tried to add more
room for is also pointed toward to the sociological part
improvement. It feels a a largely professional in order to give it a
little rushed audience, analyzing solid explanation on
matters such as lab both sides. I felt like I
reports, application of was repeating myself so
different studies, and by cutting down on
more. The authors in the words I think I
either profession don't managed to fix this
mean to confuse us, it issue
is simply not meant for
people outside of their
sphere to be reading
and interpreting.
Roommate (Vincent): Overall I decided to rewrite the
The paper is a little paper because I was
confusing and not happy with the
although provides a results of my original
good argument, can be paper. I wanted it to be
a little inconsistent something else so
starting from the
beginning and
incorporating better
writing techniques
that I learned later in
the quarter has helped
me improve the draft.
Roommate (Jorge): Removed I ended up removing
This quote of just a this from the final cut
link feels a little weird because I felt like it
and it doesn't work didnt fit in like a lot of
the other parts of the
 original. The link felt a
bit out of place and
despite me adding a bit
of context before it I
still didn’t like it that
much.

WP2: An academic Allison: Not the best When I first read through I redid the
paper is generally seen hook or opening my sociological article, I introduction to the
couldn't help but get
as a scholarly piece of paragraph absorbed in its knowledge.
paper in order to make
work. It is informed It was like entering a whole it sound more like a
and has substantial new world of concepts and hook and overall give it
evidence in support of terminology, and despite a more engaging sound
an argument, most of my confusion trying to
understand it at times, it
the time posing a became something that I
problem and offering a was ultimately hooked on
solution. Academics reading. At the same time
from all over the field though, I couldn't help but
collaborate to produce get a feeling of frustration.
Despite the time and
a well-researched paper dedication, refinement, and
that is clear and has a production of this article, it
point of view. Most of was inaccessible to most
the time though, their people, shrouded in
work doesn’t receive obscurity. It was at this
moment that I realized that
the praise that it can academics, despite
due to its complex brimming with innovation,
writing conventions new discoveries, and
that filter out its plentiful information, is
audience. Numbers, bound to itself and its high
complexity. This made me
graphs, figures, and want to create a bridge, a
complex jargon can all way for people to access
make a difference when both realms and allow
reading a paper, people to feel what I felt. I
deterring most from wanted people to explore
the previously untapped
what could be scholarly discourses and
something truly information that may be
interesting challenging for people to
underneath. understand.
WP2: Comics and William: Kind of a Comic books: A break I changed the title and
Academics: A plain and boring title Into Academia I believe that it sounds
Translation much better than
before. It gives it a
more authentic and
engaging sound

WP2: As a sociology William: the “leanr the As a sociology major, I I added the “and
major, I have had to go language” transition have had to go through understand” because I
through my fair share sounds a littel bit my fair share of academic felt the sentence was a
of academic papers, awkward papers, learn the bit awkward without it
language, and
learn the language,
understand the grammar
understand the
of the field and all of its
grammar of the field niches. Although not as
and all of its niches. complex of a field to
understand as medicine
or biology, it still requires
a structured knowledge
of sociological terms.

WP2: Their Allison: Footnote Their communities are I fixed the footnote
communities are separate, and as Melzer here because it was
separate, and as Melzer said, every discourse outside of the
said, every discourse community has “a punctuation
community has “a specified lexis [and]
specified lexis [and] mechanism of
mechanism of intercommunication
intercommunication among members,”1
among members”,1

WP2: In order to get Allison: Write a little Academic articles
this formal vocabulary bit more on the typically write in this
to sound more casual, I academic article and its kind of tone, keeping
had to put in a form of conventions consistent with the rest
dialogue. of their findings and
wording throughout
the article. It is not
meant to confuse the
audience in any sort of
way, the authors did
not intend this.
I added this sentence in
order to give the
academic paper a bit
more spotlight. It was
previously only
mentioned a few times
so this sentence can
hopefully give it the
attention it deserves
 Instead, the material is
simply meant for an
audience that is not
your day-to-day expert
in sociology and its
terms/functions.

WP2: In order to get Allison: Elabarotate on In order to get this I added in this change
this formal vocabulary it a bit more formal vocabulary to because I wanted to
to sound more casual, I sound more casual, I extend this sentence a
had to put in a form of had to put in a form of little bit
dialogue. dialogue allowed for
me to cross this barrier
and ultimately bridge
the two worlds
together.

WP2: Translating Allison: Footnote I had to be meticulous Here the mistake I

speech or any aspect of about what “details I made was with the
the paper is not a [found] myself adding, footnote placement. I
process that came what kinds of words moved it over so the
easily to me. I had to [I] chose,”1 punctuation is inside
be meticulous about the quotations and the
what “details I [found] footnote is at the very
myself adding, what end of the sentence
kinds of words [I]
chose”1.

WP2: What standards William: I think it WP2: These were all I added in this sentence
would I be breaking, could use a little bit questions I asked because I felt like it
and finally what kind more at the end. It feels myself in order to added a better flow to
of audience would I be like an abrupt stop improve the final the rest of the
attracting once I had product of my paragraph
been satisfied with the translation. The use of
transfer. imagery especially
would be a deciding
factor, truly
differentiating my
audience depending on
what style I chose.
WP2: I went through William: I think that WP2: I went through Here I added a little
many variations of the the sentence closes off many variations of the part to the end of the
comic, changing a bit awkwardly comic, changing many sentence because I
characters, settings, parts, but also making believe it added a
scenery and dialogue something that I think better sound to it
options. worked. overall

WP2: Ultimately I Allison: Did you make WP2: I drew each I added this preface to
settled for a these drawing? Go piece of the comic by the section before in
conversation between more into detail hand, cycling through order to give a bit more
two characters - a possible characters, insight on my
couple - discussing trying out different experience when
their division of labor styles, and more. I tried making the translation.
in their own home, drawing with stick It went into depth of
and an in depth figures at first but felt my process, my mind,
explanation of the that it wasn’t fully and also what I
main points of the portraying the effort compared my work to.
article. that I wanted to put
into the comic. I
looked on the internet,
trying to find
inspiration from other
artists in the comic
book industry. Many
professionals stood out
to me but honestly
discouraged me a little
because I felt like I
wasn’t up to par with
what was expected of
this style. I continued
to search and decided
to aim for simplicity
while also showing
that I did indeed put in
the time to make the
setting work.

WP2: and an in depth William: make the In-depth I added in the in-depth
explanation of the word combined as opposed to the
main points of the simple “in depth”
article. because it makes the
word sound more like
one piece

WP2: It was a William: One page of It was a I just added in this

tempting choice to try what? Specify here tempting choice to try small edit because I
the same, but since I the same, but since I liked the wording of it
was only going to was only going to as opposed to plainly
make one page, I chose make one page of the saying “make one
to instead simplify comic, I chose to page”
some wording and instead simplify some
even summarize whole wording and even
paragraphs into just summarize whole
mere sentences that paragraphs into just
could be easily mere sentences that
digested. could be easily
digested.

WP2: Original William: Where is the Added in minor I believe this edit
reflection comic page cup? details to art such as makes the comic look a
the cup now that is tiny better because
being poured in front before the man in the
panel. first scene was just
pouring into nothing

WP2: Comic books William: Maybe add a Comic books have I wanted to add this
have made up a little sentence to the made up a majority of part in because I
majority of my end, it sounds a little my childhood and believe that it makes
childhood and teenage like an abrupt ending teenage life until now, the sound of the
life until now, giving again giving me a preface of paragraph a little more
me a preface of the the distinct writing personal and that is the
distinct writing conventions and sound that I was going
conventions and different styles that for
different styles that authors can take when
authors can take when working with this kind
working with this kind of storytelling, and I
of storytelling. believe that it has given
me an edge in this
translation.
WP2: At the same William: Can shorten At the same time, it I made this change
time, it can get the sentence a little bit. can get complex and “ because I think the
complex and “ jargony”, leaving “previous knowledge”
jargony”, leaving readers confused sounded a bit off and I
readers confused without any prior think adding context
without previous context instead made it sound
knowledge of the better
chapters previous to it