Mantzekis 1

Lydia Mantzekis

Mr. Pace

Junior Literature

02/29/2024

Argument Essay Revision Reflection

Topic and Evidence. This was a very easy essay for me to write because I believe
strongly in the fact that tangible hand written assignments provide a larger benefit for learning
compared to online assignments. Any time I need to learn something effectively and quickly I
rely on writing the information down. Because I was able to choose a topic I believe in, I was
able to find good evidence and use my own personal experiences to prove my thesis.
Analysis and vocabulary. Some things I could improve on were writing more coherent
sentences. Not that I think my essay was hard to read but I think it was a little wordy and
repetitive. I had various pieces of evidence but it was difficult for me to analyze them without
sounding like I was repeating myself. I also felt like I used words like “actually” and “just”
which I might just be thinking too much about when I say this but I feel like they made my
writing sound less serious. Like when I said “ When you handwrite, you have to actually engage
and understand what you are writing because you're physically drawing out every letter”. I felt
like that sounded unserious like im texting a friend instead of writing an essay. In my revisions I
actually changed one piece of evidence because I didn't think my analysis was strong enough.
For me, it was difficult to properly represent the point of my story so i decided to use a different
example that i knew i could explain more clearly
In my original essay I used the example of learning song lyrics for a concert. I opened up
my evidence by saying, “you know that feeling when your old favorite song comes on that you
used to listen to all the time and all of a sudden you're taken back to all the memories of you
listening to that song”? Immediately this was probably the wrong thing to say because if my
reader answered no then I already lost them before I could even explain my point. I decided to
substitute this situation with one that doesn't need any relatability to the reader and that way I
target everyone with my writing, not just the people who can relate.