Revision Matrix

Italics = what’s removed / replaced, Bold = what’s added

Text from my initial WP A comment The changes I made to How this

submission: or question I what I initially wrote: change
received: impacts my
paper:

WP1: Achieving a sense of Colin: The As a part of human nature, I removed the
success and accomplishment first sentence the pursuit of success first sentence
is a feeling that arguably can be through passion and in my
can’t be topped by any other, shortened and dedication has allowed for us introduction
and throughout all of human not all of it is to grow as individuals, and paragraph to
history, we as people have necessary. it’s important to understand have a quicker
gone to great lengths to feel how our minds are framed lead-in to the
some type of intrinsic victory. when we work to achieve topic I’m
As a part of human nature, success. writing about
the pursuit of success in my essay.
through passion and
dedication allows for us to
grow as individuals, and it’s
important to understand how
our minds are framed when
we work to achieve success.

WP1: In the business-related Me: In the business-related article I felt that this
article “Unraveling the How can I “Unraveling the part in my
Entrepreneurial Mindset,” reword this to Entrepreneurial Mindset,” introduction
authors Donald F. Kuratko, make this authors Donald F. Kuratko, before my
Greg Fisher, and David B. more concise? Greg Fisher, and David B. thesis was a
Audretsch attempt to literally Audretsch attempt to literally little too
unravel the concept of the unravel the concept of the wordy, so this
entrepreneurial mindset and entrepreneurial mindset, change helps
what exactly it is. providing conceptual me iterate the
Conversely, from the frameworks to define its topics of the
discipline of psychology, the key aspects. Conversely, articles in their
article “A Mind for Money: from the discipline of own
Dynamic Mindset Effects on psychology, the article “A respective
Smart Risk Taking” involves Mind for Money: Dynamic sentences
authors Johanna Rahn, Mindset Effects on Smart rather than
Alexander Jaudas, and Anja Risk Taking” involves having
Achtziger writing about the authors Johanna Rahn, additional
connection between this Alexander Jaudas, and Anja wording about
mindset and success levels Achtziger conducting a the same
from risk-taking behavior real-life study and writing points after. I
based on a real-life study. … about the connection combined the
When analyzing this way of between participants’ type third sentence
thinking, the business-related of mindset and their in the original
article provides conceptual success rates. text with the
frameworks as the authors first two to
aim to define the key aspects make the
of the entrepreneurial paragraph
mindset, and the flow better
psychology-related article and lead into
provides an actual study the thesis
from the scholars where they quicker.
test a connection between the
participants’ type of mindset
and their success rates in the
field.

WP1 (Thesis): Thus, these Allison: Thus, these two articles I added the
two articles showcase the What showcase the difference specific parts
difference between these two conventions between these two of each
disciplines, given that the will you disciplines, given that the scholarly
business research provides a examine? business research provides a articles to the
deeper understanding of Remember deeper understanding of what second part of
what the entrepreneurial that the thesis the entrepreneurial mindset is the thesis
mindset is, while the is a roadmap. while the psychological where I
psychological research research discusses real-life mention what
discusses real-life implications of how this way each of the
implications of how this way of thinking works. Moreover, body
of thinking works. Moreover, they also represent the paragraphs in
they also represent the differences in the scholarly the essay are
difference in the scholarly communities they create, about. This
communities they create, as specifically with their change helps
disciplinary differences can discussions of the mindset, add to the
translate to how researchers research, methodologies, roadmap
in business work in and findings, as disciplinary aspect of the
understanding current ways differences can translate to thesis.
of thinking and analyzing how researchers in business
what these concepts are for theoretically analyze these
the business world, while concepts within the business
researchers in psychology world while psychologists
work in advancing and learn by testing hypotheses
furthering these and conducting studies.
understandings through
testing hypotheses and
conducting studies.

WP1: The business authors Allison: The The business authors The first
introduce their article with placement of introduce their article with sentence in
how entrepreneurship the evidence how entrepreneurship both of these
contributes to success for the directly contributes to texts are in the
directly and focus on business success and focus on beginning of
analyzing the causal part of article seems analyzing the causal part of the first body
this link, highlighting other to come this link, talking about paragraph, but
aspects such as innovation rather late in entrepreneurial ventures as the latter part
and organizational cultures the paragraph. a whole. They open up by with my quote
that can be seen as a direct saying that “[i]nnovation is in my initial
cause of success in the critical to entrepreneurship text was
business world. … On the (Schumpeter 1942) and a towards the
other hand, authors Kuratko, primary instrument of end of the first
Fisher, and Audretsch of the competition for many firms.” body
business article “Unraveling paragraph,
the Entrepreneurial which didn’t
Mindset” write about what make the
they believe the paragraph
entrepreneurial mindset to be flow right.
– a cause of success, which This change
is demonstrated in the moves the
psychological studies. quote to the
Looking at the cause rather beginning of
than the effects, they open up the paragraph
the article by talking about and also
entrepreneurship and makes the
business ventures as a whole, introduction of
such as how “[i]nnovation is the quote
critical to entrepreneurship much more
(Schumpeter 1942) and a concise.
primary instrument of
competition for many firms.”

WP1: Meanwhile, the Colin: These Comparatively, the I removed

psychologists introduce their authors and psychologists introduce their mentioning
article with risk-taking their article article by describing the authors
activities and success rates were risk-taking activities and and the article
that come from having a mentioned in success rates based on a in this part of
growth mindset, analyzing the intro growth mindset, analyzing the paragraph
the effects of this connection. paragraph, so the effects within this link. to shorten the
Authors Rahn, Jaudas, and maybe delete They write that “the sentence and
Achtziger write in their this and call [entrepreneurial] mindset has not repeat
psychology article, “A Mind them the been found to generate from earlier in
for Money: Dynamic Mindset "psychology positive illusions of personal the essay.
Effects on Smart Risk authors," as control and to reduce the
Taking,” about how “the you did for perceived level of
[entrepreneurial] mindset has the business vulnerability to risks.”
been found to generate authors.
positive illusions of personal
control and to reduce the
perceived level of
vulnerability to risks.”

WP1: While their study Me: How can While their ring-toss game This change
includes different types of I make this study includes different types helps make the
mindsets (implemental and sentence more of mindsets, their hypothesis sentence less
deliberative), their concise and is based on the results that clunky and
hypothesis is based on the straight- they’ve generally seen in more straight
results that they’ve generally forward? studies before, as they’re to the point. I
seen in case studies before, looking to specify a removed some
setting the stage for the difference in the effects of unnecessary
ring-toss game study that different mindsets on wording and
they conduct as they’re risk-taking. also points
looking to specify a that I had
difference in the effects of already
different mindsets on iterated on in
risk-taking, rather than other parts of
focusing their article solely the essay.
on the distinct attributes
from these mindsets.

WP1: The authors interpret Colin: This The authors interpret past This change
past research differently modifier (see research differently given combines the
given that the business in italics) can that the business scholars ideas from the
scholars analyze one single be deleted analyze one single mindset two sentences
mindset and break it down due to the and break it down with into one. This
with multiple lenses, while explanation of multiple lenses, deriving makes it more
the psychologists compare contrast made subcategories from a single concise and
and contrast multiple in the way of thinking, while the eliminates the
mindsets to see their previous psychologists compare and second
differences rather than solely sentence. contrast multiple mindsets to sentence so
focusing on one. This can see their differences rather the paragraph
then be viewed as a than solely focusing on one, is less
difference in the two analyzing multiple ways of repetitive.
disciplines and scholarly thinking.
communities, seeing how the
business authors derive
subcategories from a single
way of thinking vs. how the
psychology authors analyze
multiple ways of thinking
and compare.

WP2: This is characterized Me: How can This is characterized by This change
by self-improvement and the I shorten this self-improvement and the combines the
pursuit of constant growth and make it pursuit of constant growth topic of
within oneself. more concise? within oneself, working to self-improvem
Self-improvement can improve a daily lifestyle in ent from 2
include working to improve ways such as eating sentences into
a daily lifestyle by working healthier, working out more, one, making it
out more, eating healthier, being more social, and more straight
giving oneself more free time overall disciplining oneself to to the point for
to allow creativity to flow be the best version of the reader and
and for the brain to relax, themselves that they can be. rambling less
being more social and while still
outgoing with networking, keeping the
and overall disciplining main point of
oneself to be the best version what
of themselves that they can self-improvem
be. ent is.

WP2: This non-academic Me: How can This non-academic I removed the
perspective of I shorten this perspective of second
entrepreneurship is heavily and make it entrepreneurship is heavily sentence about
portrayed in today’s flow of more concise? portrayed in today’s flow of academic
mass media, from mass media, from influencers research since
influencers and content on social media apps to I had already
creators on popular social best-selling books published talked about it
media apps such as TikTok in today’s generation. earlier in the
and Instagram to best-selling Holistically, the key paragraph.
books being published in component that is presented This change
today’s generation. On the throughout these two makes it less
other hand, academic perspectives for repetitive and
research involves the study of entrepreneurship is that it is more concise
entrepreneurship in a more ultimately the pursuit of by
economic lens – what inner success. incorporating
entrepreneurs do for stronger
businesses and how they transition
conduct themselves with words. I’m
marketing their products, able to get
leveraging profits, etc. But, straight to the
the key component that is main point I’m
presented throughout these arguing /
two perspectives for leading into
entrepreneurship is that it is my thesis
the pursuit of inner success. quicker.

WP2: Therefore, this genre Allison: Therefore, this genre This change
translation was all possible Expand more translation was all possible clarifies the
due to the adherence of on the due to the adherence of conventions I
conventions that are conventions conventions that are in each analyze
universal in both genres, of self-help specific genre, changing the throughout the
taking the concepts from the books. What diction and tone while essay, which I
academic article and writing are the other keeping the same concepts originally
from a perspective that is important from the academic article to didn’t include
less tailored for the business conventions write from a perspective that in my thesis
world and more for the other than is catered more towards the that I now
everyday individual, diction? everyday individual, added. This
especially a younger especially a younger comment was
audience. audience. left later on in
the essay, but I
added it in the
intro
paragraph to
clarify that
I’m
particularly
looking at the
diction and
tone and
translating the
differences.

WP2: This is an example of Allison: This is an example of the This change

the conventions of this Expand more diction in academic articles, clarifies in the
article, where the authors on the which pertains to the first body
reference topics from conventions inclusion of scholarly topics paragraph that
psychology and economics of self-help with specific academic I’m analyzing
to help convey their books. What wording. Here, the authors diction, rather
argument and provide a basis are the other reference concepts from than initially
of knowledge for what important psychology and economics to just
they’re writing, as well as an conventions help provide a basis of mentioning
analytical and formal tone. other than knowledge for what they’re “conventions.”
This demonstrates that the diction? writing. This also I also spread
discourse community they’re demonstrates that the out the ideas
participating in revolves discourse community they’re from two long
around furthering their participating in revolves sentences into
understanding regarding the around expanding their three shorter
entrepreneurial mindset and understanding of the sentences,
how entrepreneurs think, entrepreneurial mindset and removing the
with three key avenues being how entrepreneurs think. repetition of
explored and analyzed. the 3 lenses at
the end.

WP2: The authors’ Me: How can The authors’ tone I moved the
analytical tone is a key I make this throughout the article is part where I
element of this article and less repetitive analytical and formal, such talk about
the genre of academic and more as in their conclusion where analytical tone
journals as a whole, as they concise? they write that “...” In this as a genre
write in their conclusion that quote, the authors use more convention of
“...” In this quote, the authors advanced wording with a academic
use more advanced wording tone that is indicative of a journals from
that is indicative of a conclusion made by scholars before the
conclusion made by scholars from research. Considering quote to after
from research, which is also that this article involves the quote. I
a writerly choice that is writerly choices in the form also removed
integral to this academic of research from scholars and the first
genre and its audience. advanced concepts mentioning of
Considering that this article referenced throughout, it writerly
involves writerly choices in demonstrates key genre choices at the
the form of research from conventions of scholarly end to be less
scholars and countless diction and tone within repetitive.
psychological concepts academic journals,
referenced throughout, it alongside a furthering in the
demonstrates a furthering in research of entrepreneurship
the research of and academics.
entrepreneurship, and
therefore within a field of
academics.

WP2: This can also be Me: How can They have the purpose of This change
considering that they’re I make this being read so people can significantly
meant to be consumed by the less repetitive learn what they can improve cuts down the
average reader regardless of and more about themselves as well as bulk in this
what career path they’re on, straight-to-the how to become more paragraph
while academic journals are -point? well-rounded as individuals regarding
more niche and catered and achieve a greater level self-improvem
towards a specific career of success, going ent books. I
path. Self-improvement in hand-in-hand with the noticed I was
general is an activity that entrepreneurial mindset of pretty
any person can pursue, and pursuing inner success. In repetitive
is part of human life as a comparison, academic about
whole rather than being journals tend to be more explaining
something surrounding a niche and mainly about what
career or job. The same goes enhancing knowledge in a self-improvem
for entrepreneurship given specific subject, typically ent books are,
that it can be understood as having audiences of people and I instead
the simple pursuit of inner in research & higher elaborated
success, which isn’t education. more on the
restricted to any career Self-improvement books growth
trajectory. This can also be have risen to be one of the mindset-
said about self-improvement, most popular and read success link
which makes it go genres within the past 30 and the
hand-in-hand with years, with captivating comparison
entrepreneurship as they’re a concepts and life lessons between the
broad set of activities that that can apply to anyone, two genres,
ultimately help someone … which I left
boost their personal more room for
potential. Self-improvement after reducing
books in particular have the the bulk. I
purpose of being read so combined
someone can find out and multiple
learn what they can improve sentences and
about themselves, how to do made the
it, and why they should even points more
do it so they can stay compiled
motivated / disciplined. together.

WP2: I also incorporated Me: I should Translating these topics to In my initial

personal experiences of my move this be more non-academic text, I
own and made them more personal wasn’t a problem for me included a
generalized and in a way motivation considering that personal
where anyone can relate / part to the end entrepreneurship can be anecdote
see as a relatable of the both academic and about
experience. paragraph and practical, with aspects self-improvem
Self-improvement is talk about ranging from finance and ent at the
something I personally value genre accounting to how beginning of
greatly and have been conventions businessmen achieve their my 4th body
practicing over the past three first, and then mindsets. With the latter, paragraph, and
years as I want to see myself end off the I’ve also had a personal this change
become successful at a paragraph interest in writing about moves this
young age and develop good with the self-improvement, as anecdote
habits that will benefit me personal self-improvement is to the bottom.
for life. I myself have been anecdote. something I personally value I also
interested in writing about greatly and have been significantly
my experiences and maybe practicing over the past three reduced how
even one day contributing to years. I want to see myself much I talk
the media mainstream of become successful at a young about my
self-improvement and age and develop good habits personal
entrepreneurship, whether that will benefit me for life, experiences,
that’s on podcasts or writing and combined with my own leaving that
things online for others to motivation to write about for the
see. Combined with my own self-improvement, I was able conclusion, as
motivation to write about to create my translation. I still mention
self-improvement, I analyzed that I had a
the genre conventions of personal
these secondary texts – interest and
simple wording, broader motivation to
jargon, and straightforward write about
tone – and created this this topic.
excerpt as my translation.

WP2: Learning this, I was Me: I should Reading this, I recognized This change
able to alter these factors for update the the other conventions I makes this
my own rhetorical situation, genre needed to look out for in analysis of the
given how translating the conventions I my translation that I may quote
genre means changing these mention as I have forgotten to consider. (preceding
conventions as well to match. added in For example, my jargon is both of these
For example, my tone is less earlier less sophisticated and my texts)
formal given that the revisions that excerpt has the context of a significantly
average reader shouldn’t be self-improve how-to book, so I tried more concise.
intimidated to read an ment books writing in a way that should As I
excerpt like this, and my have a be fairly simple to read. mentioned a
jargon is also less story-like story-like tone
sophisticated given that this tone. as a new
is technically a how-to book, addition to my
as suggested by my title, so it WP2 in the
should be fairly simple to revision
understand. process, I
changed this
text about
genre
conventions to
talk about
other
conventions
such as
context,
skipping tone.