Six Script!

Six: The Musical Script
By Toby Marlow, Lucy Moss

Key:
Explanation of acting, sounds, or other setup that’s not dialogue.
(Explanation of the way words are spoken/sung)
Singing.
Characters
Catherine of Aragon
Anne Boleyn
Jane Seymour
Anna of Cleves
Katherine Howard
Catherine Parr
SIX:
Aragon: Divorced.
Boleyn: Beheaded
Seymour: Died.
Cleves: Divorced.
Howard: Beheaded.
Parr: Survived.
Aragon: And tonight, (city name), we are…
Queens: Live!
Aragon: Listen up, let me tell you a story.
Boleyn: A story that you think you’ve heard before.
Seymour: We know you know our names and our fame and our faces.
Cleves: Know all about the glories and the disgraces.
Howard: I’m done ‘cause all this time,

I’ve been just one word in a stupid rhyme.
Parr: So I picked up a pen and a microphone.
Queens: History’s about to get overthrown.

Aragon: Divorced.
Boleyn: Beheaded.
Seymour: Died.
Cleves: Divorced.
Howard: Beheaded.
Parr: Survived.
Queens: But just for you tonight,

We’re divorced, beheaded, live!
Welcome to the show, to the historemix.
Switching up the flow as we add the prefix.
Everybody knows that we used to be six wives.
Raising up the roof, till we hit the ceiling.
Get ready for the truth that we’ll be revealing.
Everybody knows that we used to be six wives…
But now we’re
Ex-wives.
Aragon: (City name) make some noise!
All you ever hear and read about
Boleyn: Is our ex and the way it ended.
Seymour: But a pair doesn’t beat a royal flush.
Cleves: You’re gonna find out how he got unfriended.
Howard: Tonight, we’re gonna do ourselves justice.

‘Cause we’re taking you to court.
Parr: Every Tudor Rose has its thorns,

And you’re gonna hear ‘em live: in consort.
Aragon: Divorced.
Boleyn: Beheaded.
Seymour: Died.
Cleves: Divorced.
Howard: Beheaded.
Parr: Survived.
Queens: But just for you tonight,

We’re divorced, beheaded, live!
Welcome to the show, to the historemix;
Dancing through the night till the break of day, once
We’re done, we’ll start again
Like it’s the Renai-ssance.
Everybody knows that we used to be six wives…
But now we’re
Ex-wives.
Aragon: Remember us from PBS?
Queens except Aragon: Divorced.
Aragon: My name’s Catherine of Aragon,

Was married twenty-four years,
I’m a paragon of royalty.
My loyalty is to the Vatican,
So if you try to dump me
You won’t try that again.
Queens except Boleyn: Beheaded.
Boleyn: I’m that Boleyn girl, and I’m up next.

See, I broke England from the church.
Yeah, I’m that sexy.
Why did I lose my head?
Well, my sleeves may be green,
But my lipstick’s red.
Queens except Seymour: Died.
Seymour: Jane Seymour, the only one he truly loved.
Queens except Seymour: Rude.
Seymour: When my son was newly born, I died.

But I’m not what I seem
Or am I?
Stick around and you’ll suddenly see more.
Queens except Cleves: Divorced.
Cleves: Ich bin Anna of Cleves.
Queens except Cleves: Ja?
Cleves: When he saw my portrait, he was like—
Queens: Ja.
Cleves: But I didn’t look as good as I did in my pic.

Funny how we all discuss that
But never Henry’s little...
Howard: Prick up your ears on the Katherine

Who lost her head.
Queens except Howard: Beheaded.
Howard: For my promiscuity outside of wed…

Lock up your husbands, lock up your sons.
K. Howard is here and the fun’s begun.
Queens except Parr: Survived.
Parr: Five down, I’m the final wife.

I saw him to the end of his life.
I’m the survivor, Catherine Parr.
I bet you wanna know how I got this far.
I said, I bet you wanna know how I
got this far.
Queens: Do you wanna know how we got this far?

Then, welcome to the show, to the historemix;
Turn the beat up, get this party buzzing.
You want a queen bee, well, there’s half a dozen.
But now we’re
Ex-wives.
One, two, three, four, five, six!
Howard: (City name)!!!
Cleves: (City name), how are you doing tonight?
Boleyn: We said, how are you doing tonight?!
Seymour: We are…
Queens: Six.
Seymour: And welcome to our divorced, beheaded live tour!
Howard: Whoo, (city name) We’ve got a whole lot in store for you tonight.
Aragon: That’s right girl, we’ve got riffs to ruffle your ruffs!
Aragon riffs.
Parr: Shimmys to shake up your Chemise.
Seymour: And a whole lot of history.
Parr: Or as we like to call it… her-story.
The queens laugh.
Aragon: So obviously, you know who we are.

Howard: Please, no portraits.
Aragon: But let's give it up for our ladies in waiting! Give it up!
Aragon motions to the ladies in waiting, also the band.
Boleyn: We got Maggie on the guitar!
Maggie does a solo.
Cleves: Bessie on the bass.
Bessie does a solo.
Parr: And killing it on the keys, we’ve got Joan!
Joan does a solo.
Aragon: And with beats so sick they’ll give you gout, It’s Maria in the drums!
Maria does a solo.
Cleves: So you came here tonight to party with us old-school.
Seymour: Really, really old-school… But we’re not here to have fun!
Aragon: Uh-uh,
Seymour: we’ve got a serious score to settle.
Howard: Cause you see (city name) The problem is there’s—
Queens: Six
Howard: of us, and we know you’ve all got your favourite.
Howard motions toward herself
Aragon: Yes, everybody always wants to know who’s the most important wife.
Cleves: And they’ve been arguing about it for centuries.
Parr: We’ve heard it all…
Aragon: “Who lasted the longest was the strongest.”
Boleyn: “The biggest sinner is obvs the winner.”
Seymour: “Who had the son takes number one.”
Cleves: “Who was most chased shall be first placed.”
Howard: “Most inglourious is victorious.”
Parr: “The winning contestant was the most protest-ant.”

The other Queens look at her in confusion.
Parr: ...Protestant!
Aragon: But tonight, we’re gonna answer your questions once and for all!
Boleyn: And tell ya whatcha want, whatcha really really want—
...to know.
Seymour: That’s right, we’re gonna help you figure out which one of us is—
Cleves: The queen of the castle.
Seymour: The rose amongst the thorns.
Howard: The Thomas Cromwell amongst the royal ministers between 1532 and 1540.
Aragon: But how the purgatory are they going to choose their leading lady?
Boleyn: Well, hold up! If this is going to be a fair competition, they’re gonna have to judge us
gy the one thing we’ve all got in common.
Seymour: The Queen to take the crown should be the one who had the biggest,
Parr: The firmest,
Aragon: The fullest
Cleves: Load of B.S. to deal with from the man who put a ring on it.
Howard: So, (city name), we’re going to hold a little contest for you.
Boleyn: And the rules are simple:
Parr: The queen who was dealt the worst hand,
Seymour: The queen with the most hardships to withstand,
Cleves: The queen for whom it didn’t really go as planned,
Queens: shall be the one to lead the band!
Aragon: So, what do you think (city name), are you ready to choose your leading lady?
Howard: No, come on, we said, are you ready?!
Queens: Welcome to the show

To the coronation
Who will take the crown,
Be the pop sensation?
Everybody knows that we used to be six wives
Six wives,
Six wives,
Six wives.
Aragon: But there’s only one you need to hear from tonight. (City name), I’m about to win
this competition. Maria, give me a beat.
Maria gives her a beat.
Aragon: Muy bien! So, since the day I arrived in England, let’s just say my faith has been
tested on more than one occasion. First things first, I’m shipped off from Spain on the night
of my sweet sixteen to marry some prince called Arthur and I’m like “okay”. But then Arthur
died, so naturally I’m imprisoned for seven years. Really helped with the grieving process,
you know, but still I’m like, “okay.” But thank God they rescued me just in time to marry
Prince Henry… my dead husband’s brother. Okay, so I’m thinking “bit weird”, but if you’d
seen him back in the summer of ‘09. Let me tell you he was okay. So seven years later,
we’re still trying for an heir. He’s trying really hard and I’m like “ugh, okay”, then he starts
coming home late. “I was just out with my ministers!” But there’s lipstick on his ruff. And I’m
like “oKAY”. Suddenly, he wants to annul our marriage, move some side chick into my
palace and move me into a convent! Now, I don’t think I’d look that good in a wimple, so I’m
like “No way.”
You must agree that, baby,

In all the time I’ve been by your side,
I’ve never lost control
No matter how many times I knew you lied.
Have my golden rule,
Got to keep my cool.
Yeah, baby.
Queens except Aragon: You know she’s gotta keep her cool.
Aragon: And even though you’ve had your fun,

Running around with some
Queens: Pretty, young thing.
Aragon: And even though you’ve had one son

With someone who don’t own a
Queens: Wedding ring.
Aragon: No matter what I heard,

I didn’t say a word.
No, baby.
Queens except Aragon: You know she never said a word.
Catherine of Aragon: I’ve put up with your
Queens: Sh...
Catherine of Aragon: Like every single day.
Queens except Aragon: Woah, woah.
Aragon: But now it’s time to

Queens: Shh,
Aragon: And listen when I say...

You must think that I’m crazy,
You wanna replace me, baby there’s
Queens: N-n-n-n-n-n-no way.
Aragon: If you think for a moment,

I’d grant you annulment, just hold up there’s
Aragon: No way.
No way.
There’s
Aragon: No way.
No way.
There’s
Aragon: There’s no way.

So you read a bible verse that I’m cursed ‘cause I was your brother’s wife,
You say it’s a pity ‘cause quoting leviticus
I’ll end up kiddy-less all my life.
Well, daddy, weren’t you there
When I gave birth to Mary?
Oh, don’t remember?
Queens except Aragon: Daughters are so easy to forget.
Aragon: You’re just so full of
Queens: Sh...
Aragon: Must think that I’m naive.
Queens except Aragon: Woah, woah.
Aragon: I won’t back down,

Won’t
Queens: Shh,
Aragon: And no, I’ll never leave


Aragon: If you thought it’d be funny
To send me to a nunnery, honey, there’s
Queens: No way.
No way.
Aragon: No way, right?
Queens: No way.
Aragon: That’s right, boo!
Aragon: There’s
Aragon: No way.
No way.
Aragon: There’s
Aragon: There’s no way. Dance it out girls, yeah!
Aragon: Hey, give it up for Maria on the drums!
You’ve got me down on my knees,

Please tell me what you think I’ve done wrong.
Been humble, been loyal,
I’ve tried to swallow my pride all along.
If you could just explain a single thing I’ve done to ‘cause you pain,
I’ll go…
No?
You’ve got nothing to say?

I’m not going away,
There’s no way.
Aragon: You made me your wife,

So I’ll be queen till the end of my life!
Aragon: There’s no way babe
Queens except Aragon: No way.
Aragon: There’s no way babe

Queens except Aragon: No way.
Aragon: I said n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-no way
Queens: No way.
No way.
Aragon: There’s
Queens: N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-no way.
Aragon: There’s no way!
So clearly, I had the most to deal with from the king. And I hit that high C so, like dónde está
my crown? Por favor.
Howard: Oh wait, hang on. Who was that other one?
Aragon: I think you’re thinking of me!
Seymour: No, there was definitely a really important one.
Catherine of Aragon: Uh-huh, still me!
Parr: Yeah. I think she, like, overlapped with you.
Cleves: Yeah, the really important, controversial one that people actually care about.
Seymour: Yeah. You know…
The one you’ve been waiting for.
Queens except Boleyn: The one you’ve been waiting for.
Howard: The mystery,
Cleves: The one who changed history.
Queens except Boleyn and Cleves: History,
Cleves: The one who changed history, mystery,
Queens except Boleyn: The temptress.
Aragon: The one with the plan,

The plan to steal the man!
Queens except Boleyn: Anne!
Parr: The one who chased the king,
Seymour: But paid the price with a swordsman’s swing.
Queens except Boleyn: Will she be the one to win?

They all gasp
Anne Boleyn, Anne Boleyn, Anne Boleyn, Anne Boleyn, Anne Boleyn, Anne Boleyn, Anne
Boleyn!
She is seen looking at her phone, laughing.
Boleyn: What? Oh… sorry.
She gives a “beat drop” sign and Maggie gives her a beat. She gives a “one sec”
sign, and takes a selfie.
Boleyn: Grew up in the French court,

Oui oui, bonjour.
Life was a chore so
Queens except Boleyn: She set sail.
Boleyn: 1522,
Came straight to the UK.
All the British dudes, lame.
Queens except Boleyn: Epic fail. Ooh.
Boleyn: I wanna dance and sing.
Queens except Boleyn: Politics?
Boleyn: Not my thing.
Queens: Ooh
But then I met the king.

And soon my daddy said,
“You should try and get ahead.”
He wanted me,
Obviously.
Kept messaging me, like, everyday.
Couldn’t be better,
Then he sent me a letter, and
Who am I kidding?
I was prêt à manger.
Queens except Boleyn: Ooh.
Boleyn: Sent a reply,
Boleyn: Just saying ‘Hi’,
Boleyn: You’re a nice guy.

I’ll think about it, maybe,
XO, baby.
Queens except Boleyn: Uh oh!
Boleyn: Here we go.
Queens except Boleyn: You sent him kisses!
Boleyn: I didn’t know I would move in with his missus!
Queens except Boleyn: What?
Boleyn: Get a life!
Queens except Boleyn: You’re living with his wife.
Boleyn: Like, what was I meant to do?

Sorry, not sorry ‘bout what I said.
I’m just trying to have some fun.
Don’t worry, don’t worry,
Don’t lose your head.
I didn’t mean to hurt anyone.
LOL,
Say ‘oh well’,
Or go to hell.
I’m sorry, not sorry, ‘bout what I said,
Three in the bed,

And the little one said,
“If you wanna be wed,
Queens: Make up your mind.”
Boleyn: Her or me, chum.

Don’t wanna be some girl in a threesome.
Are you blind?
Queens: Ooh
Boleyn: Don’t be bitter,
Boleyn: ‘Cause I’m fitter.
Boleyn: Why hasn’t it hit her?

He doesn’t wanna bang you,
Somebody hang you.

Boleyn: Here we go.
Queens except Boleyn: Your comment went viral.
Boleyn: I didn’t really mean it, but rumours spiral.
Queens except Boleyn: Wow, Anne, way to make the country hate you.
Boleyn: Wait, what was I meant to do?

Sorry, not sorry ‘bout what I said.
Don’t worry, don’t worry,
I didn’t mean to hurt anyone.
LOL,
Say ‘oh well’,
Or go to hell.
Sorry, not sorry, ‘bout what I said,
Tried to elope,
But the pope said nope.
Our only hope was
Queens: Henry.
Boleyn: He got a promotion,

‘Caused a commotion,
Set in motion
Queens: The C of E.
The rules
Boleyn: Were so outdated,

Us two wanted to get x-rated.
Queens: Soon,
Queens except Boleyn: excommunicated!
Boleyn: Everybody chill, it’s totes God’s will.
“Bridal Chorus” by Wagner plays in a shortened, more rock version. It is interrupted

by Anne
saying:
Boleyn: Hold up, let me tell you how it went down.
Henry’s out every night on the town,

Just sleeping around, like,
Queens: What the hell?
Boleyn: If that’s how it’s gonna be,

Maybe I’ll flirt with a guy or three
Queen: Just to make him jel.
Boleyn: Henry finds out and he goes mental.

He screams and shouts, like,
Queens: So judgemental.
Boleyn: “You damned witch,”

Bro,
Just shut up.
I wouldn’t be such a b…
The other queens gasp to censor the word.
Boleyn: If you could get it up.
Boleyn: Here we go.
Queens except Boleyn: Is that what you said?
Boleyn: And now, he’s going ‘round like, “Off with her head!”
Queens except Boleyn: No...
Boleyn: Yeah, I’m pretty sure he means it.
Queens except Boleyn: Seems it.
Boleyn: What was I meant to do?
Queens except Boleyn: What was she meant to do?
Boleyn: Like, was I meant to do?
Boleyn: No, but what was I meant to do?
Boleyn: Oh my God, guys, seriously, he actually wants to chop my head off! I mean, I guess
he must’ve really liked my head… 5, 6, 7, 8!
Queens: Sorry, not sorry ‘bout what I said.
Boleyn: I’m just trying to have some fun.
Queens: Don’t worry, don’t worry,

Don’t lose your head!
Boleyn: I didn’t mean to hurt anyone.

Queens: LOL,
Say ‘oh well’,
Or go to—
Boleyn: —Hell!
Sorry, not sorry ‘bout what I said. I’m not sorry!
Queens: Sorry, not sorry ‘bout what she said.

Sorry, not sorry, ‘bout what I said!
Boleyn: Don’t lose your head!
Boleyn: So yeah. What a weekend. I’m like dead.
Howard: Wait, didn’t you actually die?
Boleyn: Yeah, it was so extra. Anyway, I’m obvs the winner, so I think I’ll do another solo.
So my next song is one I wrote about the moment I found out Catherine of Aragon had
tragically died. It’s called “Wearing Yellow to a Funeral”. Hit the lights!
Catherine was a massive cun-
The queens give a loud uproar.
Cleves: When did we decide you were the winner?
Parr: She wants another turn?
Aragon: Over my dead body!
Seymour: Anyways, I'm pretty sure it’s my turn next.
Cleves: You! Queen, please!
Parr: Are you joking?!
Howard: Yeah, weren’t you the one he truly loved?
Aragon: Yeah, didn’t you give him the son he so desperately wanted?
Boleyn: Yeah, like, I had a daughter and he literally chopped my head off.
Seymour: Yeah, I know. I was lucky. Okay, I was really lucky. I was in love, I just had a
beautiful baby, Henry was happy cause thank God it was an Edward and not… an Edwina? I
was so excited for his first steps, his first words, for not getting a good night’s sleep for the
next three years. But I never got to see any of that. You know, people say Henry was stone-
hearted. Uncaring. And I’m not sure that he was.
Boleyn: Yeah, actually come to think of it, there was this one really cute time where I had a
daughter and he chopped my head off.
Seymour: Okay. Okay, look, I know that his times with the queens before me were hard.
But… they were also full of fire! He raged and stormed at them, and because they are both
absolute badass monarchs, they raged and stormed right back. But I didn’t do that. Instead, I
stood by him, like I was made of stone. I stood firm. No matter his flaws or his tempers, no
matter my doubts or fears, I stayed there, by his side. And it’s not because I was scared, or
naive, or weak. It’s because… I loved him! So, Henry…
You’ve got a good heart,
But I know it changes.
A restless tide, untameable.
You came my way, and I knew a storm could come too.
You’d lift me high or let me fall.
But I took your hand,
Promise I’d withstand any blaze you blew my way.
‘Cause something inside, it solidified.
And I knew I’d always stay.
You can build me up,
You can tear me down,
You can try but I’m unbreakable.
You can do your best,
But I’ll stand the test,
You’ll find that I’m unshakable.
When the fire’s burnt,
When the wind has blown,
When the water’s dried,
You’ll still find stone.
My heart of stone.
You say we’re perfect.
A perfect family.
You hold us close for the world to see.
And when I say you’re the only one I’ve ever loved,
I mean those words truthfully.
But I know, without my son your love could disappear.
And no, it isn’t fair,
But I don’t care.
‘Cause my love will still be here.
You can build me up,
When the
Queens: fire’s burnt,
Seymour: When the
Queens: wind has blown,
Seymour: When the
Queens: water’s dried,
Seymour: You’ll still find stone.

My heart of stone.
Soon I’ll have to go.
I’ll never see him grow.
But I hope my son will know,
He’ll never be alone.
‘Cause like a river runs dry
And leaves it’s scars behind.
I’ll be by your side,
‘Cause my love is set in stone.
...Yeah!
Queens excluding Seymour: You can build me up,

Queens: The fires burnt,

The wind has blown,
The water’s dried,
You’ll still find stone, ooh yeah…

My heart of stone…
Can’t break me, can’t break me, stone…
Can’t break me, can’t break me, stone...
Queens excluding Seymour: You can build me up,

When the fires burnt,
When the wind has blown,
When the water’s dried,
You’ll still find stone.

My heart of stone.
Because what hurts more than a broken heart?
Boleyn slowly walks up to her.
Boleyn: A severed head.
The queens, besides Cleves, run off stage and the lights dim around Cleves.
Cleves: Now, seeing as Henry was running out of women to marry in England, he had to
look a little further afield. Had to adjust his location settings, if you will. To find his next
queen, we’re heading to Germany. Where he enlisted the help of the legendary painter,
Hans…
(whispers) Holbein. Welcome to the house…
Queens: To the Haus of Holbein, ja!
When the lights light up, all of the queens now have two accessories, a ruff and
sunglasses. They sing in a German accent while they are wearing this.
Queens: Ooh ja!

Das ist gut, ooh ja!
Ja!
The Haus of Holbein.
Parr: Hans Holbein goes around the world
Aragon: Painting all of the beautiful girls.
Seymour: From Spain,
Howard: To France,
Cleves: And Germany.
Queens: The king chooses one,
Boleyn: But which one will it be?
Aragon: You bring the corsets.
Boleyn: We’ll bring the cinches.
Cleves: No one wants a waist over

Nine inches.
Seymour: So what,
The makeup contains lead poison?
Howard: At least your complexion will bring all the boys in.
Queens: Ignore the fear and you’ll be fine,

We’ll turn this vier into a nine.
So just say “ja” and don’t say “nein”...
‘Cause now you’re in the house,
In the Haus of Holbein, ja!
Ooh ja!
Ja!
Boleyn: We must make sure the princesses look great

When their time comes for their Holbein portrait!
Aragon: We know what all the best inventions are

To hold everything up.
Howard: Ja, it’s wunderbar!
Seymour: For blonder hair, then you just add a magical ingredient From your bladder.
Parr: Try these heels, so high it’s naughty.
Seymour: But we cannot guarantee that you’ll still walk at forty.
Queens:Ignore the fear and you’ll be fine,

We’ll turn this vier into a nine.
So just say “ja” and don’t say “nein”...
‘Cause now you’re in the house…
In the Haus of Holbein, ja!
Ooh ja!
Ja!
Aragon:The time has come for you to select your bride, your highness!
Howard: May we present Christina of Denmark?
Parr goes up on stage to represent Christina. She’s in front of the three boxes, her
standing in the middle one.
Seymour: Looking for mates, dates, and a British monarch with whom to secure the line of
succession, winky-face.
Parr steps over to the right box, where the box lights up red and a sound effect of a
thumbs down is played.
Boleyn: Nein? Well, never mind, she already made a match with the Duke of Milan, anyhow.
Cleves: Okay, next!
Parr steps down.
Boleyn: Your highness, may we present Amalia of Cleves?
This time, Howard steps up to represent Amalia of Cleves. It is the same setup.
Parr: Just a German girl trying to live the English dream. Hashtag no Catholics, hashtag big
dowry.
Howard steps over to the right box, where the box lights up red and a sound effect of
a thumbs down is played yet again.
Parr: Nein?
Aragon:Okay! Who’s next?
Howard steps down.
They all chatter in a frantic manner. Then, Anna of Cleves steps up with the same
setup.
Howard: Anna!
Boleyn:Fantastic!
Seymour: Wunderbar!
Catherine of Aragon:Your highness, your highness, your highness! We are honoured to

present to you Anna of Cleves!
Boleyn: The most beautiful woman in the whole of the Holy Roman Empire!
Parr: And let me assure you, Herr Holbein has certainly done her justice.
This time, the box to the left of Anna lights up green and a thumbs up sound effect is
played.
Aragon: Ah, they are good! And I can say with some certainty you will be happily married
for many years to come
Howard: Ah, I can see it now. Henry the 8th and his famous 4 wives.
Seymour: Oh please, no need to thank us, the pleasure has been ours—
Queens: In the Haus of Holbein!
The girls, besides Cleves begin to exist. Parr stays behind after the music is finished
to say a line.
Parr: The Haus of Holbein.
Parr then exists as well. A sad piano melody plays in the background, with the only
light on stage being shined down on Cleves.
Cleves: So I guess you already know what happened next. How I came to England, hopeful,
summoned after the king saw my portrait. And, how I, with my meager looks the way they
are, didn’t live up to his expectations. I mean, It’s the usual story, isn’t it? The savvy
educated young princess deemed repulsive by the wrinkled, wheezing, ulcer-riddled man
twenty-four years her senior! Rejection, rejection from a king! I mean, how can anyone
overcome a fate as devastating as being forced to move into a resplendent palace in
Richmond with more money that I could spend in a lifetime, and not a single man around to
tell me what to do with it. I mean seriously, it’s just… tragic.
The lights light up to reveal the other queens behind her, in their normal attire and
without a German accent.
Cleves: Sittin’ here all alone,

On a throne
Cleves: In a palace that I happen to own.
Bring me some pheasant,
Keep it on the bone!
Fill my goblet up to the brim,
Sippin’ on mead
And I spill it on my dress with a gold lace trim.
Not very prim and proper,
Can’t make me stop.
I wanna go hunting, any takers?
I’m not fake, ‘cause I’ve got acres and acres,
Paid for with my own riches,
Where my hounds at?
Release the bitches.
Queens excluding Cleves: Woof.

Cleves: Everyday, head back for a round of croquet, yeah.
‘Cause I’m a player.
And tomorrow, I’ll hit replay.
Queens: You,
Cleves: You said that I tricked ya.
Queens: ‘Cause I,
Cleves: I didn’t look like my profile picture.
Queens: Too,
Cleves: Too bad I don’t agree.

So I’m gonna hang it up for everyone to see,
And you can’t stop me ‘cause
I’m the queen of the castle,
Get down, you dirty rascal.
Get down.
Get down.
Get down.
Get down.
‘Cause I’m the queen of the castle.
Hey!
When I get bored,
I go to court
Pull up outside in my carriage,
Don’t got no marriage,
So I have a little flirt with the footman
As he takes my fur.
The other girls go and take Cleves’ fur jacket off, and Howard takes her microphone.
There is a brief pause before Howard gives it back. Parr puts the jacket on the top
step of the stage.
Cleves: As you were.

Makin’ my way to the dance floor,
Some boys make an advance, I ignore them.
As my jam comes on the lute.
Lookin’ cute,
Queens: Das ist gut.
Cleves: All eyes on me,
Queens excluding Cleves: No criticism.
Cleves: I look more rad than
Queens: Lutheranism.
Cleves: Dance so hard that I’m causing a sensation.

Okay, ladies, let’s get in reformation.
Queens: You,
Cleves: You said that I tricked ya.
Queens: ‘Cause I,
Cleves: I didn’t look like my profile picture.
Queens: Too,
Cleves: Too bad I don’t agree.

And you can’t stop me ‘cause
I’m the queen of the castle,
Get down.
(Slow motion) Get down, you dirty rascal.
Get down.
Get down.
Hey best friend! Here’s the thing.
Now, I ain’t sayin’ I’m a gold digger,
But check my prenup, and go figure.
I got
Queens: Gold chains,
Cleves: Symbolic of my faith to the higher power.

In the
Queens excluding Cleves: Fast lane,
Cleves: My horses can trot up to twelve miles an hour.

Let me explain,
I’m a Wienerschnitzel, not an English flower.
No one tells my I need a rich man,
Doin’ my thing in my palace Richmond.
Queens excluding Cleves: You, you said that I tricked ya,
Cleves: tricked ya
Queens excluding Cleves: ‘Cause I, I didn’t look like my profile picture

Too, too bad I don’t agree.
And you can’t stop,
Queens: You can’t stop me ‘cause—
Cleves: ‘Cause I’m the queen of the castle,

Get down your dirty rascal, get down!
Cleves’ calls someone from the audience to dance in their spot while the rest of the
queens keep dancing in the background.
Cleves: Okay, that’s enough! That’s enough. This is my song.
Queens excluding Cleves: Get down.

Get down.
Get down.
Get down.
Cleves: G-g-g-g-g-g-g-get down.

Yeah, it was really heartbreaking.
Aragon:That doesn’t sound difficult at all.
Cleves: Oh yeah… I guess you’re right. I probably won’t win then. Oh well, back to the
palace!
Boleyn: So now there’s one horse out of the race.
Cleves: Rude.
Boleyn: Let’s take a moment to check back in with the competition. So, who’s still in the
running? Will it be the devoted wife, the divorced seign, or the one who actually had
problems to deal with?
Seymour: Wait, wait, problems? My son had to deal with the loss of his mother!
Boleyn: Oh, yeah, kinda like how my body had to deal with the loss of its head.
Aragon: Queens, queens, come on now. Can’t you see what’s happening? Comparing your
losses isn’t going to change that fact that I’ve already won. I mean, I was literally shipped
over from a foreign country not knowing a word of English to marry some random dude!
Cleves: Oh my God, same!
Aragon: Well, n-n-n-n-no but then, but then when Henry decided he’d had enough of me, he
didn’t even have the decency to say goodbye!
Howard: Same.
Boleyn: Yeah, same! Nice neck, by the way!
They high-five.
Aragon: All right, fine, how about this: when my one and only child had a raging fever?
Henry wouldn’t even let me, her mother, see her!
Seymour: Oooooh boo-hoo, baby Mary had the chicken pox and you didn’t get to hold her
hand? You know it’s funny because when I wanted to hold my newborn son, I died!
Cleves: Guys, I had the plague! No, I’m just kidding, my life’s amazing.
Parr: Okay, you know what? I think it’s time we heard from our next queen, K Howard.
Boleyn: Who’s that again?
Aragon:Oh, um, I think she was the least relevant Katherine.
Boleyn: Oh yeah, yeah, now I still don’t care.
Howard: (Sarcastically) Ha ha ha, funny.
Aragon:Yeah, speaking of funny, good luck trying to compete with us, honey.
Howard: You’re right. You’re right! I’m gonna need all the luck I can get, your lives sounded
terrible and your songs… really helped to convey that. I mean, Catherine, almost moving to
a nunnery and then not? That almost could’ve been really hard for you. And Anne, getting
your head chopped off? Surely, that means you’ll win the competition— oh, wait, Divorced,
beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded… oh, nevermind. And Jane, dying of natural causes?
When will justice be served?! And surviving… But, seriously, Anna, all jokes aside, being
rejected for your looks legit sounds really rough. I wouldn’t know anything about that. I mean
look at me, I’m really hot. So yeah. I can’t even begin to think of how I’m going to compete
with you all. Oh wait, like this...
Queens excluding Howard: All you wanna do, all you wanna do, baby.
Howard: I think we can all agree I’m the ten amongst these threes.
Howard: And ever since I was a child, I’d make the boys go wild.
Howard: Take my first music teacher, Henry Mannox. I was young, it’s true, but even then I
knew...
Howard: The only thing you wanna do is… *kiss* ahh…

Broad, dark, sexy Mannox
Taught me all about dynamics.
He was twenty-three,
And I was thirteen going on thirty.
We spent hours strumming the lute.
Striking the chords and blowing the flute.
He plucked my strings all the way to G,
Went from major to minor, C to D.
Tell me what you need,
What you want, you don’t need to plead.
‘Cause I feel the chemistry.
Like I get you, and you get me.
And maybe this is it,
He just cares so much, it feels legit.
We have a connection.
I think this guy is different.
‘Cause all you wanna do, all you wanna do, baby
Is touch me, love me, can’t get enough, see.
All you wanna do, all you wanna do, baby
Is please me, squeeze me, birds and the bees me.
Run your fingers through my hair, tell me
I’m the fairest of the fair.
Queens: Playtime’s over.
Then there was another guy, Francis. And at the time, I was living at my step-grandma’s
house; he was working for her. Working so so hard. So he asked me to be his little piece of
ass...istant.
Serious, stern and slow,

Gets what he wants and he won’t take no.
Passion in all that he touches.
The sexy secretary to the dowager duchess.
Helped him in his office, had a duty to fulfill.
He even let me use his favourite quill.
Spilled ink all over the parchment,
My wrist was so tired.
Still, I came back the next day as he required.
You say, I’m all you need.
All you want, you don’t need to plead.
‘Cause I feel the chemistry.
I get you and you get me.
And I know this it,
He just cares so much, this one’s legit.
We have a real connection.
I’m sure this time is different.
All you wanna do, all you wanna do, baby.
Is please me, squeeze me, birds and the bees me.
You can’t wait a second more
To get my corset on the floor.
Yeah, that didn’t work out. Turns out, some guys just employ women to get them into their
private chambers. It was a different time back then. So, I decided to have a break from boys,
just focus on my career and my dad got me this amazing workplace in court, and you’ll never
guess who I met!
Tall, large, Henry VIII;

Supreme head of the church of England.
Globally revered.
Although you wouldn’t know it from the look of that beard.
Made me a lady in waiting,
Hurled me and my family up in the world.
Gave me duties in court and he swears it true
That without me he doesn’t know what he’d do.
You say, I’m all you need.
All you want, we both agree
This is the place for me.
I’m finally where I’m meant to be.
Then he starts saying all this stuff.
He cares so much he calls me “love”.
He says we have a connection.
I guess it’s not so different.
Is seize me, squeeze me, birds and the bees me.
There’s no time for when or how
‘Cause you just gotta have me now.
So we got married... Woo.
With Henry, it isn’t easy.

His temper’s short and his friends are sleazy.
Except for this one courtier.
He’s a really nice guy, just
So sincere.
The royal life isn’t what I planned
But Thomas is there to lend a helping hand.
So sweet, makes sure that I’m okay.
And we hang out loads when the king’s away.
This guy, finally
Is what I want, the friend I need.
Just friends, no chemistry.
I get him and he gets me.
And there’s nothing more to it.
He just cares so much, he’s devoted.
He says we have a… connection.
I thought this time was different,
Why did I think he’d be different?
But it’s never, ever different, no, no!
Is touch me, when will enough be enough, see?!
Is squeeze me, don’t care if you don’t please me.
Bite my lip and pull my hair,
As you tell me I’m the fairest of the fair.

Playtime’s over.
Playtime’s
Howard: Over!
The only thing, the only thing,
The only thing you wanna do is… *kiss* ahh..
And then I was beheaded! Wow! I know, I know. So , I guess, seeing as I’ve now won the
competition, all I wanna do is take this opportunity to thank all the powerful men who got me
where I am today. Couldn’ta done it without ya. Thank you (city name), good night!
The girls argue.
Seymour: Okay, wait wait wait wait, wait hold up, yeah, you had it bad, but that was not the
most heart wrenching song we’ve heard this evening.
Howard: Oh I’m sorry, were you not listening to my song? There were four choruses, that’s
how much sh… I had to deal with.
Seymour: Oh yeah, sorry, so true, when you died your son didn’t have to grow up without a
mother. Oh, wait, that was me, and no one cared when you died!
Boleyn: Jane! Chill out! It’s not her fault no one remembers her bland and uneventful life.
Babes, honestly, I don’t want it to be weird between us just because my beheading has the
result of actual drama and humiliation.
Aragon:Oh, pipe down Anne, you seriously want to talk about humiliation?! Okay, well,
when I was queen, Henry had not one, not two, but three historically confirmed mistresses!
Boleyn: Oh my God mistresses, you’re important- GET OVER IT! When I was queen I had
not one, not two, but three miscarriages!
Aragon:Oh, well you know what, Anne Bo-loser? I had five miscarriages!
Cleves: Okay, move along Joan, we have your back, hit it!
A poppy upbeat beat starts
Parr: You know what, I’m good. Yeah, I just- I can’t keep doing this.
Boleyn: *loud laughter* what?!
Parr: It’s, it’s fine, sorry. It’s just I-
The spotlight shines on her
Parr: Ooh, woah, hey, could we turn off the, um…
The spotlight turns off
Parr: Thank you. Look… I don’t know. It’s just like, we’re here, in front of all these people,
being like “ooh, let’s see what gets the biggest cheer, drama or abuse, woohoo,” like, should
we really be doing this?
Seymour: I mean, we’ve literally been doing that for the last hour.
Parr: I know, but like- miscarriages? Really? Isn’t that a bit intense?
Queens excluding Parr: Ooooohhh
Aragon: Someone’s got a conscience all of a sudden.
Howard: Ooh, I’m Catherine Parr, I draw the line in arbitrary places, blah blah blah
Aragon: You know what queens, she just knows she’s not gonna win!
Seymour: So she’s trying to make us look stupid instead of playing by the rules like
everyone else did.
Parr: No, okay, no that’s so not, wow…
Queens excluding Parr slow clap
Parr: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay! Okay, okay, you know what? Queens, if it’s a sob story
you want, I will give you one.
Howard: Are you sure, Catherine? Are you sure you don’t wanna just stick to backing
vocals? You know, where you belong?
Parr: No, you’re right, I should sing a song, it’s only fair. Go on queens, take a seat. Go on.
Hey, um, everyone, is it okay if we try something a little bit different tonight? (to lighting
people) Hey, hi! Could I get that beautiful light back? Thank you! Uh, and Joan, could you
give me a cute little Bbmaj7? Perfect.
So, um, just for a bit of context, I’ve actually had my fair share of marriages. Something
Henry and I have in common I guess. Though, unlike him, I did manage to get through them
without decapitating anyone. I know, gold star for Cathy Parr. But the thing is they had this
really annoying habit of passing away and so I was dealing with, you know, incapacitating
grief. I also had to keep finding new husbands to avoid being ostracised. Yeah. Tudor
womanhood: would recommend. And then one day, finally, I meet this guy, Thomas. He
seemed like he might stick around for a while. And you guessed it, he turned out to be the
love of my life, I know, right. We had this plan to get married, actually. But that’s when Henry
turned up, single and ready to make an unsuspecting woman his wife. Just my luck. So that
was that. I had to write a letter to Thomas, ending things. Dear Tom...
You know I love you, boy.

In every single way.
Though I love you, boy.
I’ll miss you every day.
Oh, I love you, boy.
I wish that I could stay with you
And keep the life I made with you.
And even though this feels so right,
I’m holding back the tears tonight.
It’s true I’ll never be over you.
‘Cause I have built a future in my mind with you.
And now the hope is gone,
There’s nothing left for me to do.
You know it isn’t true,
But I must say to you
That I don’t need your love, no, no.
I don’t need your love, no, no.
It’ll never be better than it was, no, no.
But I don’t need your love, no, no.
I’ve got no choice.
With the king, I stay alive.
Never had a choice.
Been a wife twice before, just to survive.
I don’t have a choice.
If Henry says it’s you, then it’s you.
No matter how I feel
It’s what I have to do.
But if, somehow, I had that choice.
No holding back, I’d raise my voice.
I’d say, “Henry, yeah, it’s true,
I’ll never belong to you
‘Cause I am not your toy to enjoy
‘Till there’s something new.
As if I’m gonna give up my boy, my work, my dreams to care for you.
Ha! Darling, get a clue.
There’s nothing you can do.
No, I don’t need your love, no, no.
There’s nothing left to discuss, no, no.
Cause I don’t need your love, no, no.”
But the thing is, I can’t say that. Not to the king. So this is goodbye. All my love, Catherine.
So I sent that letter to my love,

Got married to the king,
Became the one who survived.
I’ve told you about my life, the final wife.
But why should that story
Be the one I have to sing about
Just to win? I’m out
That’s not my story.
There’s so much more, remember
That I was a writer,
I wrote books and psalms and meditations.
Fought for female education
So all my women could independently study scripture.
I even got a woman to paint my picture.
Why can’t I tell that story?
‘Cause in history
I’m fixed as one of six.
And without him,
I disappear.
We all disappear.
Boleyn: Wait, I don’t get it.
Parr: Okay, look. Why does anyone know who we are?
Boleyn: My sixth finger.
Aragon: Put it away, babe!
Parr: No. Okay, let me put it in a different way. Wait. Who was Henry VII’s wife?
They all look around at each other for an answer.
Boleyn: I don’t know.
Parr: Anyone?
The queens chatter amongst themselves, but no one knows the answer.
Parr: Okay, who was Henry VI’s wife?
Once again, none of them know the answer.
Parr: And Henry V’s wife?
Queens excluding Howard: We don’t know.
Howard: Catherine de Valois— I mean, we don’t know.
Parr: The point is, the only reason these people have come here tonight is because once
upon a time—
Aragon: The same guy fell in love with us.
Parr: Right.
Howard: Wait, isn’t there a bigger problem here?
Aragon: The dissolution of the monasteries?
Howard: No. I’m talking about us ‘cause as soon as we get together as a group-
Boleyn: Everyone notices Jane can’t dance!
Howard: This is exactly what I’m talking about! We compare ourselves.
Seymour: Ohhh.
Howard: And when we’re the six wives of Henry VIII, we each become just that.
Aragon: One of his wives.
Parr: One of...
Queens, sadly: Six.
Boleyn: Oh my God, I get it. Since the only thing we have in common is our husband,
grouping us is an inherently comparative act and as such unnecessarily elevates a historical
approach ingrained in patriarchal structures… Yeah... I read.
Howard: So basically, we’re stuck.
The girls complain about it.
Seymour: What a waste of time.
Aragon: Well I guess there’s not much we can do about it now!
Howard: You know what? I wish that, like, before we’d spent the whole show competing,
we’d realized it would turn out to be such a menace.
Parr: Yeah,cause if we had realized, we could have done something else. Like maybe a
fake competition to show everyone how messed up comparing us is.
Aragon: Yeah, because then we could’ve found some cool way to like, I don’t know, reclaim
our stories, or like, all become the leading ladies, or I don’t know.
Boleyn: Awww, we could’ve done that as a song!
Seymour: Aww, that would have fit everything together so nicely!
Cleves: If only we’d thought of it before.
The queens smile cheekily at the audience.
Aragon:This is a—
Queens: Remix!
Aragon:So we had no choice.
Boleyn: But now it’s us alone.
Seymour: So we’ve got no choice,
Cleves: No, we’ve got no choice.
Howard: We’re taking back the microphone.
Parr: I’m gonna raise my voice.
Queens: They always said we’d need your love,

But it’s time for us to rise above.
It’s not what went down in history.
But tonight, I’m singing this for me.
Henry, yeah, I’m through.
Too many times it’s been told.
And I have had enough
Love stories to get old.
And you might think it’s tough,
But I’ve got to let your love run cold.
We’re taking back control,
You need to know
Can’t let it get the better of us, no, no.
Parr: No, baby.

I don’t need your love.
Never need your love… yeah!
Queens excluding Parr: I don’t need your love, no, no.

I don’t need your love…!
Parr: We don’t need your love!

(City name)! (City name), we have a voice!
Aragon: We said, we said, we have a voice!
Cleves: And you know what? We might just be remembered for being married to the same
man,
Aragon: But why does anyone give a sh- who he is?
Boleyn: His continental campaigning?
Seymour: His religious reforms?
Aragon:Well, actually—
Howard: It’s not the time, Catherine.
Cleves: Or do you think it might be, I don’t know, because of his…
Queens: Six wives!
Howard: So, (city name), before we go, whaddaya think, are you ready for a royal happy
ever after!? Well, we don’t have one.
Seymour:We wish we could tell you that our lives had happy endings.
Cleves: But, in reality, they didn’t.
Howard: And there’s nothing we can do to change that.
Boleyn: Ever.
They all draw a tear with their finger on their cheek.
Boleyn: Oh, wait! This is our show, and we can literally have whatever ending we want!
Howard: So, (city name), seeing as there’s five minutes left of the show...
Cleves: We’ve decided to give you our own—
Seymour: Slightly edited version.
Cleves: —Of what actually went down all those years ago.
Parr: ‘Cause after all...
We’re one of a kind,
Howard: No category.
Cleves: Too many years
Seymour: Lost in his story.

Boleyn: We’re free
Aragon:To take our crowning glory.
Queens: For five more minutes,

We’re SiX!
Aragon: Alright queens, should we do a little histo-rewrite?
Parr: Alright, Aragon, you go first.
Aragon:
Alright, I guess I could for a change, Let’s go! Here we go!
He got down on one knee, but I said, “No way.”
Packed my bags and moved into a n-n-nunnery.
Joined the gospel choir,
Our riffs were on fire.
At the top of the charts is where I’m gonna stay.
Boleyn: Henry sent me a poem all about my green sleeves.

I changed a couple words, put it on a sick beat.
The song blew their minds.
Next minute, I was signed.
And now I’m writing lyrics for Shakesy P.
Seymour: Since my first son, our family’s grown.

We made a band and got quite well known.
You could perhaps call us the Tudor von Trapps.
Only kidding!
We’re called the Royalling Stones.
Queens: We’re one of a kind,

No category.
Too many years lost in history.
We’re free to take our crowning glory
For five more minutes,
We’re SiX.
Queens excluding Cleves: Alright Cleves!
Cleves: What a shame, yeah, my face,

It cost me the crown.
So I moved to the
Queens: Haus of Holbein
Cleves: In my hometown.
His friends were super arty
But I showed them how to party.
Now on my tour of Prussia,
Everybody “Gets Down.”
Howard: Music man tried it on,

And I was like “bye.”
So I thought, who needs him?
I can give it a try.
I learned everything, now all I do is sing.
And I’ll do that until I die.
Parr: Heard all about these rocking chicks.

Loved every song and each remix.
So I went out and found them,
And we laid down an album.
No, I don’t need your love.
All I need is SiX.
Queens excluding Parr: Aww!
Queens: We’re one of a kind,

No category.
For five more minutes,
We’re SiX.
Woah, woah, we’re SiX.
Woah-oh-oh, we’re SiX.
Woah, woah, for four more minutes.
It’s the end of the show of the historemix.
We switched up the flow and we changed the prefix.
But we wanna say before we drop the curtain,
Nothing is for sure, nothing is for certain.
All that we know is that we used to be six wives.
But now we’re one of a kind,
No category.
For three more minutes.
We’re one of a kind,
No category.
For two more minutes,
We’re SiX.
Woah, woah, we’re SiX.
Woah-oh-oh, we’re SiX.
Woah, woah, for five, four, three, two,
One more minute.
We’re SiX!
Howard: (City name), do you want one more song? Well then, stay on your feet, hit it Maria.
Aragon:(City name), clap your hands!
Cleves: Get your phones out, you’re gonna wanna film this!
Parr: But most importantly, get ready to dance!
Boleyn: Make some noise for Maggie!

Maggie does a solo.
Cleves: Big ups to Bessie!
Bessie does a solo.
Seymour: And show some love for Joan!
Joan does a solo.
Aragon:And Señorita Maria!
Maria does a solo.
Queens: Are you ready?

(City name), here we go!
Aragon:You must think that I’m crazy,

You wanna replace me?
Baby, there’s—
Queens: N-n-n-n-n-no way!
Catherine of You must think I’m naive.

Please believe me, there’s—
Queens: N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-not sorry!
Boleyn: Sorry, not sorry ‘bout what I said.

Aragon:N-n-no way!
Boleyn: Don’t worry, don’t worry,

Don’t lose your head!
I didn’t mean to hurt anyone!
Seymour: You can...
Boleyn: LOL!
Seymour: You can...
Boleyn: Say “oh well”!
Seymour: You can try but I’m unbreakable.
Howard: All you wanna—
Queens: Do your best.

But I’ll stand the test.
You’ll find that I’ve…
Seymour: Got a heart of—

Queens: Sto-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-one
Cleves: All alone, on a throne

In a palace that I happen to own.
Howard: The only thing you wanna do...
Cleves: Too bad I don’t agree

Get down, you dirty rasca-a-al.
Howard: All you wanna do, all you wanna do, baby
Is sing along to your favourite queen’s song.
Is love me, love me, la, la, la, la,
Parr: La, la, la, la, love.

No, no, I don’t need your love, no, no.
It’s time to rise above.
Woah, woah.
Queens: We don’t need your love…!

‘Cause we’re so much more than—
Aragon:Divorced!
Boleyn: Beheaded!
Seymour: Died!
Cleves: Divorced!
Howard: Beheaded!
Parr: Survived!
Queens: We’re…
SiX!

Six Script!

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Six Script!

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Six: The Musical Script

By Toby Marlow, Lucy Moss

Explanation of acting, sounds, or other setup that’s not dialogue.

(Explanation of the way words are spoken/sung)

Aragon: And tonight, (city name), we are…

Aragon: Listen up, let me tell you a story.

Boleyn: A story that you think you’ve heard before.

Cleves: Know all about the glories and the disgraces.

Howard: I’m done ‘cause all this time,

Parr: So I picked up a pen and a microphone.

Queens: History’s about to get overthrown.

Queens: But just for you tonight,

Aragon: (City name) make some noise!

All you ever hear and read about

Boleyn: Is our ex and the way it ended.

Seymour: But a pair doesn’t beat a royal flush.

Cleves: You’re gonna find out how he got unfriended.

Howard: Tonight, we’re gonna do ourselves justice.

Parr: Every Tudor Rose has its thorns,

Queens: But just for you tonight,

Aragon: Remember us from PBS?

Queens except Aragon: Divorced.

Aragon: My name’s Catherine of Aragon,

Queens except Boleyn: Beheaded.

Boleyn: I’m that Boleyn girl, and I’m up next.

Queens except Seymour: Died.

Seymour: Jane Seymour, the only one he truly loved.

Queens except Seymour: Rude.

Seymour: When my son was newly born, I died.

Queens except Cleves: Divorced.

Cleves: Ich bin Anna of Cleves.

Queens except Cleves: Ja?

Cleves: When he saw my portrait, he was like—

Cleves: But I didn’t look as good as I did in my pic.

Howard: Prick up your ears on the Katherine

Howard: For my promiscuity outside of wed…

Queens except Parr: Survived.

Parr: Five down, I’m the final wife.

Queens: Do you wanna know how we got this far?

Howard: (City name)!!!

Cleves: (City name), how are you doing tonight?

Boleyn: We said, how are you doing tonight?!

Seymour: And welcome to our divorced, beheaded live tour!

Parr: Shimmys to shake up your Chemise.

Seymour: And a whole lot of history.

Parr: Or as we like to call it… her-story.

The queens laugh.

Aragon: So obviously, you know who we are.

Aragon motions to the ladies in waiting, also the band.

Boleyn: We got Maggie on the guitar!

Maggie does a solo.

Cleves: Bessie on the bass.

Bessie does a solo.

Parr: And killing it on the keys, we’ve got Joan!

Joan does a solo.

Maria does a solo.

Cleves: So you came here tonight to party with us old-school.

Seymour: we’ve got a serious score to settle.

Howard: Cause you see (city name) The problem is there’s—

Howard: of us, and we know you’ve all got your favourite.

Howard motions toward herself

Cleves: And they’ve been arguing about it for centuries.

Parr: We’ve heard it all…

Aragon: “Who lasted the longest was the strongest.”