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In this way, our children will learn to identify their feelings, regulate them, regain a state of

calmness, gain clarity about their situation, and make better decisions. All of this benefits their

interpersonal relationships but also increases their productivity, academic performance, and

mental health (Daros et al., 2021).

What is the window of tolerance and what does it mean to be emotionally regulated?

When we tolerate an uncomfortable situation or reduce the intensity of emotions to respond

appropriately to demands, we are emotionally regulated. The limits within which we regulate

emotions, socialize, and adapt are called the "window of tolerance" according to Siegel

(1999). Being regulated allows us to be functional despite daily stressors. For example, a

person may feel stressed about pending work, but anticipating the risk of not completing it

drives them to finish it. Stress was not a comfortable emotion, but we tolerated it and it served

us to respond adaptively, in favor of our goal. Thus, we remain emotionally "regulated."

Conversely, being "outside our window of tolerance" alters our autonomic nervous system to

polarized alarm states. That is, when we are very altered, we can remain in one of these

states: hyperactive (very excited or ready to fight or flee) or hypoactive (slow, disconnected,

or ready to freeze). When emotions are overwhelming, the body is overwhelmed.

Physiological alarm reactions overwhelm us and interfere with our ways of thinking and

reacting (Corrigan et al., 2011). Hypoactivation leads to a low-energy or "paralyzing"

response, such as when a student "freezes" during an exam even though they have studied.

On the other hand, hyperactivation can generate an excessive energy response to prepare
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the person to "flee" or "defend" themselves. If we notice, anxious, angry, or impulsive

behaviors correspond to a hyperactive state.

According to the polyvagal theory (Porges, 2003), the brain, when perceiving a threat,

activates its primitive defenses to survive but inhibits the prefrontal lobe, which helps us

manage impulses, plan, and make decisions. Your autonomic nervous system prepares you

to face a threat, like when primitive man faces a tiger, changing the energy level to respond

by freezing, fleeing, or defending. The brain can act immediately to stressors as if life were

threatened because it learns to interpret certain stimuli as threats, depending on its

experience. Thus, some are triggered by an exam, others by speaking in public, or by more

subtle stimuli such as an odor, tone of voice, etc. Being regulated is the key to integrating

different parts of the brain quickly and being effective in problem-solving. This is achieved in

different ways, by reducing or increasing energy, depending on their activation states. So, the

goal will be to expand the window of tolerance so that they can regulate more easily.

What do we do to develop our self-regulation?

When the state is hypoactive:

● Seek emotional connection. According to Siegel and Bryson (2011), emotional

connection by hugging your child, speaking sweetly, can help them feel secure. Just as

our brain scans environmental threats, it is also capable of interpreting signals of

safety and connection from others to regulate itself; this is called "coregulation"

(Buttker & Butler, E. A., & Randall, A. K. 2013).

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● Promote movement and sensory stimulation. For Siegel and Bryson (2011), movement

and sensory stimulation can awaken the nervous system. In this sense, you can walk

and increase the pace of your steps or play jump rope and increase speed... Use

smells, colors, flavors, etc. An excellent example is using ice and massaging your face

with it, this will activate you more.

● Breathing and relaxation. Deep breathing and abdominal breathing (filling your

stomach until it feels fully expanded, holding a bit, and releasing the air) can help

increase alertness.

When the state is hyperactive:

● Provide a space to relax. You can have a relaxation corner at home where you feel

comfortable calming down when overwhelmed. It can have a cushion, a blanket, a toy,

etc.

● Vigorous exercise. Running, jumping rope, playing basketball, can help channel

energy. After releasing excess energy, you can decrease the intensity, take more

breaks to achieve calmness.

● Mindfulness. Exercises that lead people to focus on the here and now, by focusing

their attention on the sensations around them and noticing them carefully, can help

calm their mind.

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Additionally, you can consider these guidelines:

● Without emotional connection, it will be ineffective to redirect or correct behavior.

Validate emotions and help regulate them before correcting them.

● Naming emotions is controlling emotions. Labeling what I feel allows us to develop

self-awareness to control emotions better.

● Act with empathy rather than impulsivity. Try to understand their version before

punishing them impulsively.

● Cultivate a growth mindset in which your child understands that mistakes, conflicts and

adversity are opportunities for learning and growth.

● Express and reinforce achievable, age-appropriate goals and expectations.

● Encourage assertive communication, being sincere, tactful and non-judgmental.

● Support critical analysis and decision making.

Remember to build memories. As a parent, you play a role in helping your child make sense

of their experiences and how they integrate them as memories that can help their emotional

well-being.

In conclusion, having a perspective on emotional self-regulation based on neuroscience

through the window of tolerance provides an ideal framework for developing self-awareness,

self-regulation, and coregulation. Now we know how to make better use of strategies,

depending on the dysregulated state, and how to develop confidence and emotional security

in our children by using the window of tolerance. We encourage you to follow the guidelines

that help you guide your children on how to regulate emotions, have meaningful
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conversations, and give adaptive meanings to experiences so that the integration of

memories provides growth opportunities and leads to developing their potential.

Bibliography

Corrigan, F. M., Fisher, J. J., & Nutt, D. J. (2011). Autonomic dysregulation and the Window of

Tolerance model of the effects of complex emotional trauma. Journal of Psychopharmacology

(Oxford, England), 25(1), 17–25. https://doi.org/10.1177/0269881109354930

Daros, A. R., Haefner, S. A., Asadi, S., Kazi, S., Rodak, T., & Quilty, L. C. (2021). A

meta-analysis of emotional regulation outcomes in psychological interventions for youth with

depression and anxiety. Nature Human Behaviour, 5(10), 1443–1457.

https://doi.org/10.1038/s41562-021-01191-9

Kerr, L. (2023, enero). Living Within Your Window of Tolerance. Laurakkerr.com.

https://laurakkerr.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/Kerr_WOT-Guide_English_2023-.pdf

Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2012). The Whole-Brain Child: 12 revolutionary strategies to

Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind. Scribe Publications.

Zachariou, A., & Whitebread, D. (2022). The relation between early self-regulation and

classroom context: The role of adult presence, the task’s source of initiation, and social

context. The British Journal of Educational Psychology, 92(3), 861–880.

https://doi.org/10.1111/bjep.12476