PROLOGUE

Ma: “Kodwa Hlanga how long are you going to keep up with this behavior? Yazi
men your age are …” My father cut her off
Baba: “He is not a man mamakhe, he’s still a boy.” I was just looking at them talk
about me like I wasn’t even in the room. This happens every time I come back
home to visit.
Ma: “My point is you cant go on like this. I want grandkids and lots of them but no
woman will want you behaving like a boy.”
Baba: “Noma uphila impilo ka Somizi?”(Or are you living Somizi's lifestyle?) I just
laughed, my parents thought I was gay “Kulungile mfana wam(its fine my boy) we
are your parents we will accept whatever lifestyle you live.”
Me: “Ma no baba I am not gay and I know there is nothing wrong with it.” I stood
up and left them. I love my parents and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for them
even finding a fake wife. They didn’t approve of my single lifestyle and I didn’t
expect them to understand it either. To me feelings were just a complicated and
confusing topic, I didn’t understand women so I chose not to engage with them.
But I am a man and I have needs so, I let off steam like any other guy “no strings
attached” or “tap and go” and I am set until the next lay. The pressure was on me
though since I was the eldest son, I was 29 years old and I guess marriage was to
be expected at my age but I loved my life with no complications. I wasn’t
equipped for the love thing, somehow people who were in love were always so
bitter and unhappy, I didn’t want that plus in my line of field being a loner was an
advantage. My name is Hlangalezwe Mthethwa I am the eldest son of Zodwa and
Themba Mthethwa. I have 2 younger siblings Mpilonhle (18) a boy and Banele
(16) who is a girl. This is my story about how my life took an unexpected shift.
∞∞∞∞∞∞
“He is perfect” I said through the tears after 11 hours of excruciating labour pains
and close to 20 minutes of pushing my beautiful son. I was finally holding him for
the first time. Getting to the delivery room wasn’t easy. I had considered
termination, I mean I was only 16 years old and the father of my baby happened
to be my IT teacher. I was so ashamed, I didn’t want any reminder of Melisizwe
and the hurt he had put me through and I felt this child deserved better than a
manipulative father like him. “What are we going to name him?” I asked my baba,
he was good at naming babies judging by the names my siblings and I had
“Sibongakonke.” He said with a smile revealing his dimples that my mother can
never get over. “Qwabe I love it.” My mother said with her sweet angelic voice
while she was playing with her grandson’s tiny hands. That woman was a heaven
sent, our family was nothing without her. She’d be gone for a day and all hell will
break loose at home. “Sbongakonke Gumede. I love it too baba.” He kissed my
forehead and took his grandson and just admired him. Like I said before the road
to the delivery room was bittersweet and bumpy ride but I was glad I made it and
I was so happy and excited for motherhood even though I was a single parent but
the support my family had shown was enormous. My story begins when I am 15
years old.
∞∞∞∞∞∞
I know pain and pain knows me. Pain is my best friend that's why I lost all hope in
happy endings… I lost the only person who has ever showed me love, my mother.
I was only 13 years old when she died and that is when I met pain. “Thingo lwam I
am dying.” She spoke through her pain and blood coming through her mouth
after a house break-in and she was stabbed 3 times for a lousy hard drive she had
stolen from her boss, who wasn’t a good man. “Mama hold on, help is coming.” I
didn’t know what to do or how to help her so I called an ambulance and they took
their sweet time. “Thingo lwam, you have to be strong now. Life is hard and it is
going to get harder but remember after the storm comes the rainbow. That’s why
I named you Thingo.” She tried to smile but the pain took over and she frowned
instead. I didn’t know what she was talking about when she said I have to be
strong, I have never been strong before. “Mama you are going to be okay.” I tried
to assure her but she was getting weaker and losing blood by the second. “I love
you always Thingo lwam.” She said and I answered back “I love you Phili wam.”
That was how we spoke, she was the only person I had, and everyone was either
dead or didn’t want us. “Whatever happens stay in school and stay far away from
boys until you are done with school.” I nodded “Promise me baby.” “I promise
mama.” She tried to move but she couldn’t “Good girl. Now go call your uncle.” I
jumped and ran to get her phone and called malume Sthelo and I went back to
her and we all know what I found. That day was the beginning of hell for me and
time went by I learnt to be strong like my mother had said and embraced it.
 ∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
What is the point of life anyway I mean all we do is hurt each other through our
selfish acts. I wanted to be with her so bad even though I knew I wasn’t good for
her. She was a happy person and free-spirit at that. Life had thrown a few
punches at her but she still believed in happy endings and living life to the fullest.
Her positive attitude even rubbed off on me and if I were to admit it I was a mess.
Voice: “Major Mthimkhulu. Major Mthimkhulu.” I looked at her “Why are you
here?” good question I thought to myself. Why was I there, I was perfectly fine
physically and mentally too, well that’s what I thought until I woke up choking my
…, I don’t even know what to call her, we had no label for what we were doing. I
decided to seek therapy or pay someone to tell them my problems, which was
low.
Me: “I think I have a problem.”
Dr King: “Why would you think that?”
Me: “Because I am not sleeping and if I do sleep I wake up thinking I am still in the
war zone.”
Dr King: “Explain what happens when you sleep?” was she kidding I am not talking
about my war experiences.
Me: “I think this was a mistake.” I got up
Dr King: “Running away wont help Major Mthimkhulu. You saw you have a
problem and you came to me for help now let me help you.” I sat down again. “I
understand you have a lot you are dealing with, I am an army woman myself but I
want you to tell me what made you wake up today and come to see me.”
Me: “I woke up choking my girlfriend.” I felt like crap and she showed no emotion,
I thought she was going to judge me.
Dr King: “And how do you feel about your actions?”
Me: “Mostly shame.” I was ashamed, I couldn't even look at her.
Dr King: “Okay, that’s a start.”
Me: “How is it a start and what does that even mean?” I looked at her confused,
was she crazy I almost killed her.
Dr King: “You have PTSD Mr Mthimkhulu and the problems I face with people like
you is you cant name your feelings. You feeling shame means you understand the
pain you inflicted on her and also the fact that it was out of your control.” She had
a point, our understanding of things is only limited to our experiences.
Me: “How do I make it better?”
Dr King: “One step a time and take each day as it comes, it is a long way to
recovery.” Her one hour timer went off. I stood up and left. I got lost in my
thoughts of how I had gotten to that point. Meeting her was the worst thing that
ever happened to me because it forced me to face my demons and not only
demons I had from the army but my childhood because that’s when the
foundation to my life was laid. I am Major Nqobani Clive Mthimkhulu 30 years of
age I am the only surviving member of my family but I do have adoptive siblings
and a younger sister I shared a mother with. My life story is complicated take a sit
and you will find out how my life took place.

»01«

“Baby make a wish and blow the candles after.” Said mama, I made a wish and
blew the candles. She clapped her hands and cheered. “Happy 10th birthday
Thingo lwam. So tell me what did you wish for?” I giggled while she hugged me “I
wished for things to stay like this forever mama.” we were always happy and
laughing if not we were singing to every song that played on the radio. And we
smiled at each other “As long as we have each other they will, I promise.” She
kissed my forehead and cut me a huge piece of my favourite cake, red velvet. And
my thoughts were disturbed by my alarm going off and it was time for me to slave
before I went to school. I always woke up before my alarm and its either I make
up stories in my head or reminisce on the good days with my mother, I wasn’t
allowed to turn on the lights while my cousins were still sleeping. I woke up and
went to iron our school uniform and polish Snothile and Ayabonga’s school shoes,
they were my two cousins. Snothi was two years older than me and Aya was only
12 years old. We got along really well with Aya whereas, I was Snothi’s maid and
not cousin. After that I cleaned the house before I made breakfast together with
our lunch for school. I made it for Aya and I because Snothi got pocket money
since she was in matric and was too cool for school. I also had to clean up as well
before I left for school and that was my life ever since I was 13 years old. My
name is Thingo Mfeka and I am 17 years old today and I was pretty sure that aunt
Nomusa wont even remember or she never cared enough to know, but I had
learnt to accept that she was never going love me and accept me like my mother
or as her daughter but that didn’t mean I didn’t appreciate her taking me in and I
am forever grateful. It was also my job to wake up my cousins up and help
prepare them especially Aya, I had been doing it since they took me in and I made
sure I didn’t give aunt Nomusa something to shout at me about. I took a bath
when everyone was done and that’s when its only cold water was left but I didn’t
mind, cold water woke me up. I ate, cleaned and took my 30 minute walk to
school while my cousins were fetched by their transport.
Voice: “Tee!” I looked ahead “Tee awume hawu.”(Tee wait)
Me: “Ufunani Menzi?”(What do you want) that would be the annoying grade 12
boy who had been asking me out since I can remember. I gave him my bored face.
Menzi: “Akukhulunywa kanjalo no future bae wakho.”(You don't talk like that
with your future bae)
Me: “Mxm!!” I kept on walking and he was walking right next to me. Menzi was
hot, tall muscular yellow-bone with lazy eyes, dimples and a smile to die for. Let
me not forget about his thick pinkish lips and he was the school’s player and I on
other hand was a nobody.
Menzi: “How long are you going to play hard to get, you know I am leaving next
year right?”
Me: “Uhambe kahle.” (Go well) I upped my pace because he was seriously
annoying me. He just didn’t get that not everyone wanted him plus I had made a
promise to my mother to finish school before entertaining boys and I planned to
keep that promise.
Menzi: “mxm okokuqala umubi, bengikzama nje.” (You are ugly, I just boosting
you.)That was bitter of him. I just laughed.
Me: “Thank you.” I made my way to my class. I was a focused person at school
and I excelled at every subject I took, I didn’t have anything better to do with my
time anyway than to study. I was sitting at my usual chill spot during break
because I was a loner like that and I wasn’t even an introvert people just didn’t
see me unless they wanted something from me which was usually answers to
assignments and class exercises except my occasional friend Minnie short for
Minenhle. I never knew when she would come to hang out with me, she just
came whenever it tickled I guess. One thing about me I wasn’t a forcer of things, I
accepted the situation as it was and moved on. I was okay with not being seen
because it saved me from a lot of unnecessary emotions like being rejected. I
know this because I tried to be social and be a normal teenager but I guess people
didn’t see me fit enough for their circles and I was okay with that because they
were entitled to their feelings.
Voice: “Will she ever change from being weird?” That would be Joy and her crew.
Guess what, Minenhle was part of it now and they all laughed at me, I guess she
had moved on to greener pastures because Joy and her crew were the “it girls” of
the school and she was Menzi’s girlfriend the last time I checked. Break time came
and ended and later school also ended. I took that dreadful walk home. I had
stopped being excited about my birthday, to me it was the same as other days
because nothing different happened on that day. I got home and I washed and
hang my school uniform.
Aunt Nomusa: “Uqeda insipho yam uzoythenga yini? Ucabanga kuth ngiythenga
ngan?” (You are finishing my washing powder, how do you think I buy it.) and a
hard slap landed on my bare back since I was wearing a vest. That was my life and
I didn’t get why she always complained about me wasting washing powder
because she knew I only had one set of school uniform.
Me: “Ngyaxolisa aunty.” (I am sorry)
Aunt Nomusa: “Haisuka!! Go and help Aya with her project and cook the mince I
took out from the fridge.”
Me: “Yebo aunty.” I did as told. I made mince and pap while Aya and I did our
homework.
Aya: “Thingo I bought you this at school, happy birthday.” I did say we got along
pretty well. She gave me a cherry fizz pop. At least someone remembered
Me: “Thank you baby. What do you want on your birthday?” she giggled all
excited. She was a cute little thing looked nothing like her parents, she only took
her mother's light complexion. It was none of my business though. I finished
cooking and Snothi came back looking high as fuck. I wondered how she was
going to pass her matric with the amount of weed she smoked.
Snothi: “Tee please dish up for me I am starving, I could eat all of you right now.”
And she laughed. I dished up for us and we ate dinner like a typical South African
family in from of the tv.
A.N: “Your father is coming back this weekend.” She said looking at Snothi. Things
were about to get interesting, they always did when he was around. And she was
talking about her husband. Aunt Nomsa was a house wife, anything to do with
money we had to wait for my uncle. I cleaned up and went to bed. I slept with Aya
while Snothi had her own room.
Snothi: “Tee!!”
Me: “mmmmh?” I said in my sleepy voice.
Snothi: “I am going to see Themba, please open up for me when I come back. And
please iron my other skirt for tomorrow.” Themba was her sketchy weed dealer
boyfriend but who was I to judge and she was talking about the shortest skirt I
have ever seen.
Me: “Okay I will. Usele vele u-aunt?” (Is aunty asleep?)
Snothi: “Uyamazi nawe, after her rooibos tea she is gone.” We shared a laugh, she
was cool when she wanted to use me. I followed her to the kitchen she got out
and I locked and I went back to bed.
Aya: “Thingo please finish the story of the Lost girl.” I did say I made stories up
and Aya was a fan.
Me: “Where was I again?”
Aya: “She finally got money to go to town.”
Me: “Oh yes. She got the money from her uncle and she went and applied for that
job. They took a long time to reply and she eventually lost hope. Than one day she
got the call she had been waiting for.”
Aya: “Did she get the job? Does she get to fly and see the world?” She was too
excited
Me: “No it was a call from her father.”
Aya: “Where has he been?”
Me: “You will find out tomorrow, now its time to sleep.”
Aya: “I hate it when you do that.” I laughed
Me: “I love you too baby.” And we slept

NQOBANI
Physiotherapy is a bitch I thought to myself. I had been going to it for 3 weeks
since my return from South Sudan and my healing process was so slow and
frustrating. And my physiotherapist was getting on my last freaken nerve.
Me: “Do you even know what you doing?” I snapped at her. “They say you the
best but my leg is still not moving.”
Dr. Marx: “Mr Mthimkhulu it has only been 3 weeks and you also had surgery so it
will take some time.” She was so calm and it frustrated me even more causing me
to sigh heavily.
Me: “Whatever. Give me my crutches.” It was the end of our session anyway. I
left and went to check on my siblings in Soweto. We didn’t actually grow up there
but I moved us after our parents died so they would be close to me. I have 3
sisters, 2 were from Bab’ Mdluli. Who became my father after he killed him and
took my mother and I in. Him and my mother later had my younger sister
Sinenhlanhla. The 2 oldest were Cebolihle and Nolwazi. Since I couldn’t drive I had
to request an uber and it dropped me of at the gate.
Sne: “Bhutiza” she was just the cutest and looked so much like Bab’ Mdluli.
Me: “Hey little one.” We hugged as I sat down on the kitchen chairs.
Nolwazi: “Bhuti when did you come back?” it has been a month since I came back
but they were going bite my head off about it.
Me: “Last week. But I couldn’t see you as you can see.” I showed them my leg,
they also knew about my deployment. “So tell me everything how is varsity and
wena Sne what are you doing at school I got an email from them yesterday.” She
hid her face. Snenhlanhla was naughty.
Nolwazi: “Mina bhut angsafuni ukufunda, I am failing everything.” (I don't want to
study)
Me: “Nolwazi are you trying to piss me off? You know what since I wont be
working for a while I will stay here and see what is that is making you fail whereas
I made sure you don’t have to worry about anything besides school.” She looked
down and Sne smiled. She liked it when Nolwazi got into trouble.
Sne: “Mina bhutiza I am passing.” Why would you fail, she was in grade 5 and
Nolwazi was doing her 2nd year in Architecture.
Me: “I hope so. Nolwazi make me food I am hungry.” I crutched to the living room
and I watched tv. Nolwazi gave me a club sandwich with milk because that’s how I
liked it. “I hope my room is clean.” She giggled
Nolwazi: “There is no washing this time.” I nodded. “So what happened this
time?” she pointed at my alleviated leg.
Me: “I got shot on the thigh.” She had a shock look on her face “Don’t worry its
not that deep.”
Nolwazi: “I hope so. Bhuti you are all we got you know, so please don’t die.” She
was so sweet.
Me: “Not until you by me a Bentley.” And we laughed
Nolwazi: “You know I got you. And I still need to drive a Maserati” she said with a
smile. Her and I shared a love for cars and she knew her cars. As we were
chatting our lives away, Lihle came back still in her nurse’s uniform. I was glad
they made something of their lives after we lost our parents and with the
background they had. We went through a lot before we met each other. Their
back ground was as gruesome as mine. But I had made a promise to baba that
they wouldn’t even once remember that life or their lives go back to the life
before he took them in. Bab’ Mdluli was a good man but he did a lot of bad things
but I loved him like a father nonetheless. He never had kids of his own until Sne
came, I never knew his reasons to not being married but all he told me was in my
line of work family is a risk. I didn’t understand because we were his family and he
added that but loneliness can kill a man son and there is just something about
your mother. He loved her no doubt and I am sure she felt the same way since he
saved us from the monster that was my father. We spent the evening bonding as
siblings.
Lihle: “Nqobani when am I meeting your girlfriend?” not this again.
Me: “I already have the 3 of you to deal with, you want me to add another female
to the mix? Sorry not happening.” She laughed
Nolwazi: “I don’t want anyone stealing your attention away from me so please
don’t. No girlfriends or makotis allowed!” she had a straight face on, she was
really scared of sharing me.
Lihle: “Aybo Nqobani cant die alone because of you.”
Nolwazi: “Mxm!!”
Sne: “Bhutiza I am done with my homework.” She came and showed me and I
checked it, she got all her calculations correct but her English needed some work.
I made a mental note to buy her reading books because that was the only way to
improve it. And we spent the rest of the evening watching tv and I later went to
bed after taking my medication.
“We are under attack!!!! Mthimkhulu fire your weapon!!” everything is dark we
are in the middle of nowhere “Nqobani I have been hit.” That was my friend
Robert “Hold on I can stop the bleeding.” But I couldn’t stop it, he was shot on the
chest. I looked at him take his last breath and I close his eyes. The dream ends and
I wake up. I wish it wasn’t true like other dreams but this one was real, Robert did
die in front of my eyes. The dreams never stopped if it wasn’t dreams about
combat than it was dreams about my childhood.
HLANGA
“Our relations end here.” I told her. “It doesn’t have to, you know. Take my
number and call me for another night of fun.” She said with a smile. She was
pretty I give her that but I wasn’t about to inconvenience myself by giving her
grounds to have expectations from me. “I lost my phone last night at the club. At
least I know where you live so I will drop by when I get a new one.” I lied, I left my
phone in my car. “Okay, I will be expecting you.” I took my jersey and baby kissed
her “Laters baby.” I left her flat. I drove home took my gym bag and made my
shake and headed straight to the base. I hit the gym and showered and got
dressed in my scrubs. I worked as a doctor for South African Army. I went and did
my rounds and later the paper work.
Dr Gumbi: “Dr Mthethwa, you have report to work a week after you got back
from deployment.” He was one of the doctors I worked with but he held a higher
position
Me: “You have to hit the ground running Dr Gumbi.”
Dr Gumbi: “I see. You also signed up to train the new recruits.” I nodded “I
remember when you and Clive first got here. I had never seen such skill like yours
and I wasn’t wrong. You both made Major in your 20s, it hasn’t happened in a
long time in the history of the military.”
Me: “I am just serving my country doctor.”
Dr Gumbi: “It is good to have you back but don’t over-work yourself or I will be
forced to fire you.” We laughed
Me: “I will make sure I take it easy.” We shook hands and he left. That was a lie of
course. All I had was my work besides my family in Tongaat of course. The time
for me to go and train the new recruits on the field came. After training I took the
ones who needed medical assistance to the hospital. I admitted them and did the
necessary paper work and signed out for home. I ordered pizza and ate while I
watched the sports channel. A call I sometimes dread came in.
Me: “Ntombi ka baba.”
Ma: “Aisuka wena!! Hlangalezwe ngizwa kuthiwa ubuyile (I heard you are back).
How come I didn’t know that as your mother? Yaz wena you don’t love me
anymore.” She was talking nonstop. I had been back from South Sudan for over a
week now. “When are you coming to see us?”
Me: “Ma you know how busy my life gets. I will come when I have time and I am
sorry for not telling you I am back.”
Ma: “Its okay. How are you, are you okay? Are you eating properly even?” that
was my over bearing mother but she was my rock nonetheless.
Me: “I am fine ma, ninjan nina? And yes I am eating properly.” I said looking at my
pizza.
Ma: “We are good but we miss you.” She sighed heavily “Mfana wam please stop
sending us money and just visit. We want you and not your money.” I love this
woman no lie but she was over-bearing and it got to me sometimes that’s why I
hardly went home.
Me: “I am taking care of you like I had promised ma and like I said I will come back
soon.”
Ma: “Okay goodnight ke.”
Me: “Good night ma. Send my greetings to everyone.”
Ma: “I will.” I hung up and I went to shower so I could go check on my few
investments. I owned the gym I work out at if I was not using the military one.
Clive and I own a club. Him and I met during training when the system threw us
both in military school. I was a problem child and my parents had done everything
until the military was the only school that could take me. Anyways I went to the
club and checked on things and it was ladies night so I was definitely guaranteed
some ass. I was one of the people who took advantage of broke and desperate
women for free drinks. I kinda felt they existed for people like me. I didn’t have
time to lie and say I like her and id like us to try something out. All I did was
complement and promise them a good time and trust me I got everything I
wanted.
Me: “Ladies why is your bucket empty. Let me fill it up for you.” They all smiled
Them: “Thank you.”
Me: “Only on one condition.” They looked at me with that keep talking look. “You
come and join me in the VIP section. I am new in town and I would really like to
have some fun. I don’t mind paying.”
Girl1: “Lets go then.” She looked too forward. She was definitely a varsity chick
and those are the easiest but problematic. We went to the VIP section and they
ordered their drinks while I watched and sipped on my Remy Martin VSOP
cognac. I looked at them drinking and dancing. One thing I understood about
women is that it was always a competition with them. Even when they were
friends, I wanted to get laid that night so I had to choose and I always chose the
weakest link. Low self-esteem and a lot of self-doubt because of “Queen Bee” of
the squad. She needed a win and I needed to get laid so I chose her.
Me: “You are beautiful. What’s your name?”
Girl: “I am Sino. You really think I am beautiful?” see self-doubt. I might have
exaggerated things a bit. She was an okay girl but she knew how to dress.
Me: “You are and that smile of yours is making it hard to keep my eyes off you.”
She blushed. “How about we ditch your friends and have a party of our own at my
place?”
Sino: “Okay.”
Me: “Okay smile for me again.” She giggled and she smiled. “That’s it.” I went and
told the manager to close and we left. We all know how a one night-stand goes
down.
========
I woke up and decided I will go to my gym for a change.
Me: “Sino!! Sino!!” I shook her and she opened her eyes. “I have to go to the gym
and work now and I am already late.” I said packing by gym bag fast.
Sino: “So will I be hearing from you?” like I said I wasn’t the type to make fake
promises
Me: “Babe look, last night was great and you are a great person but I am not the
guy for you.”
Sino: “Oh so you used me.”
Me: “I would say we used each other. I bought you drinks and you gave me sex
which you enjoyed.” She was really hurt. “Please don’t cry because I didn’t force
myself on you.”
Sino: “I know that, I just thought that you liked me.” I wanted to say I am sorry for
my actions but I didn’t do anything wrong,
Me: “I will call you a cab while you dress up.” I went downstairs to make the call.
After sometime she came down and her cab had arrived “Thanks for last night.”
Sino: “Okay bye.” I gave her money since her cab was charging my account
anyways. And my day began. That was my life. I was really cautious with the
women I had sex with. I made sure I never slept with any of them twice that
would just ruined things and opened me up to a lot of complications. I lived a life
of zero complications, I already had work to deal with when it comes to
complications.

"Hlehle, Everyone can say I love you but not everyone really means it. So believe
it when you see it, not when you hear it." That was my mother talking and to be
honest I didn't understand what the woman was talking about. My name is
Hlelolwenkosi Gugulethu Gumede. I am a 15 year old girl from the city of Durban.
I come from a big family, I have 9 siblings. My older sisters Musomuhle (29),
Nosipho (27). My twin brothers Masilakhe and Alimikhaya (16). There is also
triplets, 2 boys and a girl. Ndalwenhle, Ntokomalo and Kusaselihle the girl (11)
and Simosihle who is also 11 years old just 3 months older than the triplets and
lastly Bayanda (9). I grew up privileged and my parents said I shouldn’t be
embarrassed about it so I wasn’t. One thing they made sure we were not, was
entitled children but I felt like they failed when it came to my brothers. They
spoilt us yes but some of the things we had we to work for by getting good
grades, washing baba’s cars. I sometimes worked at my mother’s restaurant for
extra cash. I am what most people would refer to as an “It girl” because of my
looks and status, yeah everything about me screamed rich girl but I don’t see
myself that way so I call myself “MISSunderstood”. I let people believe whatever
they wanted to believe simply because I didn’t care what they thought about me.
I only cared about the opinion of the people who mattered to me which were my
friends and family.
Emma: "Here are salads. Tuna salad for you." She gave it to Namhla "And chicken
salad for us." We giggled. It was her turn to buy us lunch. It was a week rotation.
Us: "Thank you." Emma and I we've been friends since playschool and we met
Namhla grade 8.
Voice: "Gugulethu!!" I turned it was my brother's friend Tyson, he was so yummy.
I walked to him.
Me: "Hey."
Tyson: "Hey. I was wondering if we could talk maybe ..."
Alime: "Gugulethu go back to your friends, Ty and I need to talk." He was
clenching his jaw, it was best to leave. He kinda ruin the moment I wanted to find
out what Tyson wanted. The end of break came and we had geography we hardly
concentrated in that class
Namhla: “Mngan we have IT after this.”
Me: “Argh!!! Mr James. The man hates me, he always finds something wrong with
me." They laughed "To think I used to find him hot." This time we all laughed.
Emma: "I remember the little crush you had."
Me: "I used to get so excited for IT now its just not the same." While we were
busy talking and laughing
Namhla: “Here comes Melody and her crew.” We all rolled our eyes. “Saved by
the bell.” We stood up but they were still coming towards us.
Melody: “Hlelo I heard you were seen with Tyson. Well stay away from him
because he is mine.”
Me: “What if he is mine and you are the other woman?” Emma laughed. I loved
pressing Melody’s bottons, she made it easy though.
Hope: “What are you laughing at? Emma stop acting black, your skin tone says
otherwise.”
Me: “Here you are with an English name but you don’t see us commenting about
it. Aniyeke umngan wam or I will deal with you.” I pushed them aside and Emma
and Namhla followed me “They are making me late for bae’s class.” We all
laughed.
Emma: “So what is Tyson’s deal anyway?”
Hlelo: “I don’t know my brother came to my rescue before he could talk.” We got
to class and the lesson commenced.
Voice: “Gugulethu Gumede come see me in my office after school.” He was so hot
and appetizing. All yellow-bone, pinkish lips and bushy eyebrows mmmh! What
have I done now? Baba is going to kill me, going to the teacher's office is never
good!!!
Me: “Yes sir.”
Namhla: “Why did he ask to see you?”
Me: “I don’t know, did we have an assignment I forgot about?”
Emma: “Not that I know of.” I was a little puzzled as well but I didn’t let it bother
me. I carried on with my day and too soon afterschool came. I said my goodbyes
to my friends and made my way to Mr James’s office.
Me: “You asked to see me sir.”
Mr.J: “Yes I did. Come join me on the couch.” I did as told “As you’ve noticed I
have been harassing you in class, the main reason is because I like you a lot
Hlelo.” My eyes popped out in disbelief isn’t this man old?
Me: “No sir you are my teacher and way older than me I am sure that is against
the rules." I was so astonished, is he nuts?
Mr. J: “I know that but I am not old hay I am only 25 years old. I cant hide these
feelings anymore, I want to be with you, no one has to know. Take this weekend
to think about it okay?” I just nodded but in all honesty I was shocked. Yes I find
him hot and stuff but for him to be my boyfriend, I wasn’t sure. I rushed to the
school’s front gate where mamazi picks us up. Lucky for me she was late picking
us up that day
Alime: “You are late today.”
Me: “I know but so is mamazi. Lakhe still chasing after the new girl?” he nodded
and carried on with his phone. Lakhe was the ultimate player around Durban. He
had girlfriends in every school and even in the hood at our grandparents' place,
just imagine and his better half was a softie and so much of a nerd. In no time
mamazi’s Mercedes G-wagon parked in front of us and we all hopped in, Lakhe
and I occupying the back seat while Alime took the front. Alime was a mama’s boy
like that.
Mamazi: “Sorry I’m late. How are my babies doing?”
Lakhe: “We are so not your babies anymore mamazi.”
Me: “True that bro, I mean we are turning 16 and 17 years soon. The babies are
the quads and Baya.” Next thing my mother stops the car.
Mamazi: “If you feel you not my baby anymore, get out of my car.” She gave us a
stare
Alime: “I am your baby mamazi.”
Us: “Me too mamazi.” She laughed and carried on driving. My mother was a
dramatic woman naturally, it was never a dull moment with her. We got home in
no time after some time baba came in with my other siblings. But I just couldn’t
shake the thought about the proposal Mr James made. I mean, how were things
going to work out? We will be sneaking around and stuff like that. I mean I hadn’t
even dated anyone for that matter. But he was so hot and I had fantasize about
our future and how our babies would look like since we were both light-skinned.
He was still my teacher and I couldn’t cross the line.

»02«
CONTINUED
THINGO
“If you don’t fit in, then you’re probably doing the right thing.” A quote I once
read said. I am human and I have a need of belonging like Maslow hierarchy of
needs specified. I am a 17 year old and like any other 17 year old I was curious
and wanted to live my life like how I was meant to and somehow relate to my
peers. On this da Snothi invited me to her boyfriend’s braai or party I didn’t know
the difference anyways because I had never been invited to anything for that
matter.
Me: “I don’t have anything to wear Snothi.” I really didn't, shopping for clothes
was for her and Aya.
Snothi: “Don’t worry Themba gave me enough money. I will buy you a nice pair
jeans and a nice top to go with it.” I just nodded. She was being too nice to me all
of a sudden and I was a bit scared.
Me: “Okay. Will Aunty and malume agree to this?” I doubted that.
Snothi: “Leave them to me. I will come back with your outfit okay?”
Me: “Okay.” She left for town. I washed everyone’s washing for the week by the
time I was done I was tired and hungry. Since malume was around and had been
for a week now I did minimal chores not everything like I always do. I did say
when he is around things got interesting. Aunty made breakfast and cleaned the
house. I dished up breakfast for myself.
A.N: “Uyakthanda ukudla Thingo (You love food). No wonder you are so fat.” Her
words didn’t hurt me anymore. In fact I got worried when she didn’t throw insults
at me. “Don’t finish the food your uncle hasn’t eaten yet.” Mind you my plate only
had 2 fried eggs, 4 slices of bread and tomatoes while hers had the same and an
extra egg. I was hungry and I wasn’t going to put it back. I made black tea. I went
to eat outside before I gave her more ammunition of me making the house she
cleaned dirty. Aya came to join me. After I ate, I cleaned the kitchen I went to lie
down, we all know how exhausting doing washing was. Before I dosed off I
thought of the party I had been invited to. I had never been to one before let
alone be invited wow! I was a bit excited something I hadn’t felt in years. I always
heard stories of how things go down at parties’ alcohol, drugs and sex. But we
lived in a small town and drugs weren’t a problem besides weed. But alcohol and
sex were a problem judging by the amount of pregnancies we witnessed. I woke
up and went to cook lunch and bonded with my uncle. He wasn’t much of a talker
and we were close since mama was alive. His wife was the problem but I didn’t
want to be the one who comes between them so I took her shit and moved on
with life. I cooked chicken curry and rice and I went to do my homework so I can
relax on Sunday if I came back tired from the party. I was excited I wont lie.
Aya: “Tee!! Tee!!”
Me: “Yes baby.”
Aya: “Baba is calling you and Snothi’s back.”
Me: “Okay.” I jumped from the bed. I really hope he agrees I thought. I went the
living room. Him and aunty were sitting next to each other while Snothi stood by
the door.
Me: “Malume uthi Aya uyangbiza.” (Aya said you wanted to see me)
Malume: “Yebo. uSnothile uthi ukusa epartyini kamngan wakhe. Uyafuna
ukuhamba?” (Snothile says she's taking you to her friend's party, do you want to
go?)
Me: “Bengthanda ukuya malume.” (I'd like to go)
A.N: “Kodwa Sthelo uyaphi nje uThingo?” (But Sthelo where is Thingo going?)
there she goes ruining things for me. I really didn’t know why she didn’t like me.
Malume: “Awungene ezintweni zeyngane Nomusa.” (Don't involve yourself in the
kids' business.) I couldn’t help but smile a bit. “Okay hambani. Snothile look after
my sister’s child.” And he kept his straight face and watched tv. I was used to his
intimidating look so it didn’t scare me because he was a softy naturally. “Minani
imali.” (Here's some money) He gave us each a R100 note. My aunt wanted to
faint. I took it
Me: “Ngyabonga malume.” (Thank you)
Snothi: “Thanks daddy.” We went back to the room. “Here I bought you these.”
Me: “Wow!! Ngyabonga mzala.” It was black skinny jeans and a washed up denim
shirt. “And they are my size.”
Snothi: “Try them on so we will see what shoe will go better with it.” I nodded.
And tried them on and I looked proper. My curves were just out there. “You have
a nice body yaz mzala.” She has never complemented me before
Me: “Thank you. I will just wear them with my vans.” Last December I bought vans
thanks to my uncle being around otherwise I only got new clothes when the ones
I had were torn or old. The other thing my aunt suffered from was abantu
bazothini syndrome. So certain things I got because she was scared people would
talk.
Snothi: “The vans does work.” She nodded “I will wear this please iron it for me
while I go freshen up.” And we were back to being madam and eve. It was close to
June and I had never seen Snothi pick up a book and say she was studying, mind
you she was in matric. All she did was chase after Themba. I wasn’t judging
though. I took her short demin skirt and white t-shirt and ironed it together with
my things. Snothi and I were too different body wise. She was tall, slender and no
ass while I was the opposite. We cleaned up just fine with umzala. I sprayed my
afro with water and I combed it in a way that it must behave. Snothi had a twist
so she tied it into a loose bun. She called Themba and we left. When we got there,
there were so many people I just didn’t feel fine. The scene was too much for me
Me: “Snothi so many people.”
Snothi: “It’s a party Tee of course it is going to be packed plus Themba’s parties
are always like this.” I just nodded swallowing hard. I was a bit scared whereas
she was excited and already dancing to the music. “One thing ke do not drink
anything that wasn’t given to you closed or by me okay?”
Me: “Okay. But why?”
Snothi: “People are crazy Tee, they might just drug you.” We were now walking in
the yard.
Me: “I think I want to go home.”
Snothi: “Cela ungangbhori Thingo.”(Dont be a bore) She said with an annoyed
voice. “Make friends ungasabi nje relax. Do you want alcohol or?” all along
Themba was on the phone and didn’t even acknowledge my existence.
Me: “Cold drink is fine.” After the drugging thing I just didn’t trust anything. She
handed me a can of coke and we went to Themba and his friends who were
smoking hubbly and drinking something brown and Snothi was drinking Smirnoff
pine twist. People were getting drunk and getting all touchy and I felt out of place.
None of these people were conversing with me, everyone was with their
significant other. I know I said it didn’t bug me that no one saw me but these
people were drunk, how could they not? How was this going to go for me because
my cousin was high and drunk now? I wanted to go to the bathroom. I left to go
find it.
Voice: “Tee!! Tee!!” I turned and followed the voice. Not him again.
Me: “Hey.”
Menzi: “I didn’t know you party.”
Me: “Lets not act like you know me. And I do.” Menzi was too full of himself, not
my cup of tea plus like I said I was going to finish school and probably get a
bursary and leave the hell that was my life.
Menzi: “You still don’t want to be my girlfriend.”
Me: “No. you are not my type.”
Voice: “Menzi!! Menzi who’s that bitch uyang febela futh?” (Are you cheating on
me again?)
Me: “I will just go.” I didn’t want my face rearranged. The last thing I wanted at
that party was drama but I also thought he was with Joy. Ay iyndaba zabantu. I
found the bathroom and did my business and I went back to my people and they
were all gone wow!! I just walked out the yard and got familiar with Themba’s
hood. They had really nice houses but they were something I wouldn’t own
because I wanted a double storey and a lot of cars and as a lawyer I would
definitely have those things. “pppppeeeeeepp!!”
Man: “TF woman are trying to die?” he almost run me over with a car.
Me: “Are you crazy!! Who drives like this in between houses?”
Man: “I am sorry. Are you okay?”
Me: “You almost ran me over, I am traumatized.” I held my chest. I was faking it.
Man: “I almost so don’t be dramatic.” His voice was so scary though.
Me: “I could sue you for damages. Ngiwuwe ngabe ngyathula ngene motweni
shaya ukhiye nghambe.” (if I were you I'd shut up and hit the road) He laughed,
his laugh was somewhat contagious. He wasn’t scary anymore.
Man: “Unehaba Nkosazane.” (Dont be a drama princess.)
Me: “Mxm!! Awungyeke.” (Leave me alone) I carried on admiring the houses
Man: “Get in the car I will take you home.” He was ordering me now. Haibo kanti
yini? But for some weird reason I wasn’t fazed
Me: “I would take up your offer.” He seemed like a decent man. “But I cant go
back home without my cousin and she went MIA on me with her boyfriend.”
Man: “Okay lets drive around than. It is not safe for a lady to be walking alone at
night.”
Me: “Okay.” I got inside. “So where were you going?”
Man: “Nowhere really, I was just driving around, clearing my head.” I nodded
Me: “Okay.”
Man: “Since you don’t have anything to do how about we go to my place until you
feel the need to come back.” should I?
Me: “Are you sure, can I even trust you? I am not trying to die you know.” He
laughed again
Man: “You can trust me. I have a sister and I wouldn’t want anything to happen to
her.” What if I had a brother and he cared so much about me even with
strangers?
Me: “Okay.” He drove us to this nice ass mansion in the middle of nowhere. He
lead us to flats behind the mansion. That room had everything. Flat screen tv,
king-sized bed and an in-suite bathroom everything we didn’t have at home. “This
is a nice place.” It was a dream bedroom for a girl who shared a single bed with
her cousin. The thing with my family is that we were an average family. We
afforded certain luxuries like dstv but we were far from the lifestyle this guy came
from especially with my aunt being an uneducated housewife.
Man: “Thank you. I hardly spend time in here though.” Why wouldn’t he?
Me: “Why? If I could I’d sleep, eat and die in here.” He laughed again and I wasn't
lying.
Man: “You are something else. Come and join me on the bed.” He said it with so
much authority, like I didn’t have a choice. I looked at him with that “what?” look
“I don’t bite.” He must’ve noticed. I took of my shoes and I joined him and we
started talking over nothing. He kept on asking questions about me and diverting
anything about himself. I didn’t care really he was the first person who actually
listened to me. At some point he left the room and sleep took over. I woke up the
next morning and I was wrapped by his chocolate brown muscled arms and his
hard penis poking my ass, I freaked out a little until I realized that he was still
sleeping. I turned and looked him. He was handsome no doubt but I had to get
home. So I shook him.
Me: “Please take me home.” I didn’t ask for his name simply because I just didn’t
want to put myself up for disappointment. I knew I was never going to see him
again.
Him: “Okay.” He got up and put on his top and jeans from the previous night since
he was in his boxers and damn his body, I was drooling. I was still in my outfit. I
checked the time and my body clock wasn’t late it was minutes to 5am. He drove
us to Themba’s house. “I will wait for you to come back with your cousin so I can
take you home.” I nodded, part of me was happy because we needed the lift and I
went to find Snothi who was in between sheets with her boyfriend. Did I care, no!
I shook her
Me: “Snothi asambe.” (Lets go)
Snothi: “Shit!! Okay.” She quickly got dressed “Baba will freak.” we were
supposed to be back by 12am
Me: “He won’t, let’s just go home before he wakes up.” We walked out fast
Snothi: “Wait Themba has to drive us home. There are no taxis at this time.”
Me: “I found us a lift.”
Snothi: “Chesa mzala!!!”
Me: “Mxm!!” we got into the stranger’s car. I was taking risks that day. I directed
him while Snothi was on the phone with now angry Themba. We got home safe
and sound. Snothi got out first. “Thank you for everything, you were thee perfect
stranger.” He chuckled
Man: “I am glad you are safe Thingo. I will see you soon.” I got out his car before
he lied to me even more “Can I at least have your number.”
Me: “I don’t have a phone.” He nodded with a bit of shock and disappointment. I
closed the door and he drove off. That was one weird night in a good way. If I go
partying again and the same thing happened I wouldn’t mind. One thing I learnt
that night though was parties weren’t my scene and I was okay with not fitting in
if it required me to go to parties. Maybe when I am older but at that time I was
okay with being at home. The only thing interesting about that night was the
perfect stranger.
HLANGA
Maybe Dr Gumbi was right, I had been over-working myself and avoiding the
realities of life. We get so caught in our lives that we forget that a break is
sometime needed. And in my case I had to also deal with the horrors of combat
and every trauma I came back with from the war.
Dr Marx: “You are on mandatory leave Dr Mthethwa. It is indefinite until I know
you’ve rested so come check up with me after a month.” Was this man kidding
me what was I to do with myself for a whole month?
Me: “It is really unnecessary but you are the psychologist.” I took my leave form
and headed to HR. After handing in my leave form I drove to my good friend Clive.
Clive: “I didn’t expect to see you here.” We fist bumped and hugged.
Me: “I had nothing better to do since I am on mandatory leave.”
Clive: “I am sure you are pissed off, I know I would. Its not fun for me either.” He
pointed at his leg. He got shot in combat and we lost a good friend as well.
Me: “At least you are out of crutches. How you doing anyways?”
Clive: “I am good considering. But I haven’t gotten laid since I got back, I need to
get some.” We laughed. Him and I were the same we used sex as a coping
mechanism.
Me: “I can imagine the tension.” And we laughed it off.
Clive: “So what are going to do with yourself for a whole month?”
Me: “I don’t know bra, I am frustrated as is. Works keeps me sane and its for a
whole fucken month. Marx is dramatic.”
Clive: “Just go home man, you know you haven’t been there in a while. I am sure
they miss you.”
Me: “You have a point. Ma has been on my case since we returned.”
Clive: “More reason to go.” I nodded. “Go fetch us beers.”
Me: “Aren’t you on medication?” I stood up and went to the fridge
Clive: “I stopped taking them, they make me sleepy and you know that never ends
well.”
Me: “Still getting nightmares huh?” he nodded “Kant what do you talk about in
your psych evalutions.” He laughed
Clive: “Everything they wanna hear but that.”
Me: “I am worried bra. You should be getting better and not worse.”
Clive: “I know.” We drank up and we spoke about ways to cope with the trauma
without having to speak to a psychologist. Don’t get me wrong I appreciate their
profession and there is a need for it but my friend and I weren’t equipped to talk
about feelings and all that complicated things. I later left and went back to my
place and packed for the long drive from Johannesburg to Tongaat.
---------
The drive back home was long and exhausting as I remember it to be. I stopped in
Durban and bought my siblings gifts together with my parents, at home you
couldn't come back empty handed. An hour later I knew I was in my sweet
hometown as I looked at the bay and noticed the horizon. The sound of the waves
and the cool winds. The rhythm of the sea was music to my ears. My parents lived
in a farm in a middle of nowhere and they turned it to a proper home for me and
my siblings.
Banele: “Nangu Bhut’ Hlanga!!” my sister shouted. I had just parked my car in the
yard. My parents ran out and the disbelief together with happiness was enough
for me to realize that I had missed them. It had been a while since I last came
back home.
Ma: “Hawu!! Umfana wam nkosi yam.” She had a huge smile on her face.
Baba: “Ndodana!!” he was smiling too.
Me: “Sanibonani bazali.” (Hello parents) They laughed. My mother gave me the
tightest hugs mind you she was shorter than me. “ubungikhumbule ngempela ke
wena.” (You really missed me)
Ma: “Suka angithi awusangthandi wena.” (You don't love me anymore) Emotional
blackmail was her thing, it didn’t bug me anymore because I was so used to her.
Me: “Mangasathandi wena ma wam ngothanda bani?” (If I don't love you then
who am I supposed to love.)
Baba: “Hayisuka thandanani endlini.” (Love each other in the house.)
Me: “Let me get the things I bought you from the boot.” My little sister helped me
together with my father and my mother packed everything.
Banele: “Bhuti what did you bring for me this time.” The expectations I had to
meet at home though, I think they would’ve made any man run.
Me: “I bought you this.” Her the Samsung J7 she had been raving about. She
screamed!!
Ma: “Hayi hayi Nele umsindo.”(You making a noise) She looked at the phone “Its
nice but don’t forget about school ulibale iphone.” (and be busy with the phone)
Banele: “hayi mama ngeke. Thank you big bro.” she gave me hug
Me: “You welcome. Where is our idiot brother?”
Lonhle: “I am here and I am anything but an idiot.” We laughed and hugged. My
idiot brother was high and his eyes were selling him out.
Baba: “Ubhemile ke futh umfo wenu.” ( Your brother is high again) He shook his
head in disbelief.
Ma: “Mina angsaz yaz. Hlanga khuluma naye mhlambe uzokulalela wena.” (I don't
know anymore, please talk to him, maybe he'll listen to you.)
Lonhle: “Hawu bazali ihaba elani?” (Parents dont be dramatic.) he didn’t even
care. I just left them and went to my backroom because the only thing I was going
to do was beat the shit out of him. I was also a problem child and my parents
went through a lot because of me. I went through the wrong path of lying and
stealing for no reason and I didn’t want that for my younger brother. My mother
never disappointed my room was squeaky clean. I put my clothes in its rightful
place. The army taught us to be organized and order so I was that type of guy who
had a system wherever I was, so basically I was a disciplined guy now. As I was
calming myself down with unpacking my clothes, my sister came and notified me
that dinner was ready. I had to have a talk with Lonhle, I wasn’t going to be a
hypocrite and act like I never made mistake but like the Zulu saying says “Indlela
ibuzwa kwabaphambile.” loosely translated it means, to understand and be able
to do something well, nothing beats being mentored and shown the way by those
who have done and mastered that before one. So was going to show him the
error of his ways and hope that he learns from it. We had our dinner as a family
which hardly happens. I think it was because I was around. My father was always
busy with his livestock not on the farm we lived in but he had another one and my
mother was always busy with something in the house and my teenage siblings did
their own thing as well but we were a close family regardless. The conversation at
the table was flowing since I hadn’t been around and my father had so much to
talk about. From having problems with his livestock being stolen to wanting
another farm which my mother was against of course.
Me: “I will go sleep, it was a long drive.”
Baba: “It is understandable. Nami ngiyanishiya.” He stood up and left the table.
He was going to sleep at the other farm.
Me: “Nele I am taking you to school tomorrow.”
Nele: “Okay bhuti.” She was a little excited. I wasn’t talking to that idiot. I went to
my room and I showered and slept. My first day back wasn’t as bad I had made it
out to be in my head. I did say my mother was over-bearing but it all comes from
a good place.
--------
I would be lying if I said being home didn’t do me any good. It frustrated me
though because I had nothing to do, I even ended up helping my dad at the farm.
My mother has been happy since I have been home and that is all I wanted for my
family.
Lonhle: “Mfo I am really sorry for my behavior. Its been 2 weeks already come
on.” Yeah I hadn’t been talking to him since the day he came back home high. I
had no problem with him being a teenager but I had a problem with the fact that
it was a habit now and he was disrespecting my parents.
Me: “Mpilonhle our parents are old they cant be stressing especially over you
when they still need to take care of uBanele don’t be selfish think of us as well. I
still need them alive.” He kept quiet. Our parents were quiet old. “You are in
matric bro you need to focus and build a better life for yourself or do you want to
die here?”
Lonhle: “Of course not. I am going to get my shit together don’t worry. I want to
make everyone proud.” He was a smart boy, he just made bad decisions and he
was easily influenced.
Me: “If you get good grades, I might buy you a car.” His face lit up. He was a liker
of nice things no doubt. His fashion sense was evident.
Lonhle: “You are getting me a polo tsi 66kW trendline.”
Me: “Fine! I am not accepting anything below a 60%.”
Lonhle: “Cool.” He said with a smile “I was thinking of going to UCT but uyamaz
uma wakho unjan.” I laughed she wasn’t going to allow that.
Me: “Nawe ke why so far, couldn’t you pick another place?”
Lonhle: “I thought of UP as well, so I might just go there.” I nodded “Than I will be
close to you.”
Me: “Even better. You can stay with me.” He looked at me with the “are you crazy
look”. I laughed at him “I am joking but it will be good to have family around.”
Lonhle: “UP it is than.” He sat next to me and joined me on the play-station. I was
beating the crap out of him in Fifa.
Me: “How are you the soccer player if I am beating your ass like this?”
Lonhle: “I am just feeling sorry for you.” We laughed and carried on with the
game. Out of nowhere ma came and stood in front of the tv.
Us: “Ma!!!!”
Ma: “Your food is ready.” We stood up and we followed her. Lonhle took his food.
Lonhle: “I have studying to do so yeah.”
Ma: “You must bring back that plate so I can wash it.” He nodded and went
upstairs to his room. I look my plate and sat down on the table with my parents.
Me: “Uphi uNele?”
Baba: “She is studying as well.” I nodded and enjoyed my mother’s beef stew and
rice. “Mfana wam are you okay?” I was a bit confused.
Me: “I am fine baba. Kungani ubuza?”
Ma: “Mina no baba wakho we were talking about how detached you are. Are you
even dating?” my parents though. Are they serious?
Me: “Ma we spoke about this before, I don’t need a girlfriend. My work keeps me
busy, there is no room for a relationship.” Those were lies but they never dropped
the topic. I just didn’t see the point of relationships. My parents might seem
happy right now but when they go through their problems there was so much
bitterness and tears.
Ma: “Kodwa Hlanga how long are you going to keep up with this behaviour? Yazi
man your age are …” My father cut her off
Baba: “He is not a man mamakhe, he still a boy.” I was just looking at them talk
about me like I wasn’t even in the room.
Ma: “My point is you cant go on like this. I want grandkids and lots of them but no
woman will want you behaving like a boy. Drinking and bringing girls in the middle
of the night.” I thought they were sleeping.
Baba: “Noma uphila impilo ka Somizi?” I just laughed, I really wasn’t expecting
that “Kulungile mfana wam we are your parents we will accept whatever lifestyle
you live.”
Me: “Ma no baba I am not gay and I know there is nothing wrong with it.” I stood
up and left them. I love my parents and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for them
even finding a fake wife. They didn’t approve of my single lifestyle and I didn’t
expect them to understand it either. To me feelings were just a complicated and
confusing topic, I didn’t understand women so I chose not to engage with them.
But I am a man and I have needs so, I let off steam like any other guy “no strings
attached” or “tap and go” and I am set until the next lay. The pressure was on me
though since I was the eldest son. I guess 29 years old I should expect such
conversations but I loved my life with no complication. I wasn’t equipped for the
love thing, somehow people who were in love were always so bitter and unhappy,
I didn’t want that plus in my line of field being a loner was an advantage. I took a
drive around town. These were some of the reasons why I didn’t come back
home. Being the eldest son from a traditional family at that, it came with so many
pressures. There were so many expectations. My father raised me to be a family
man from the time I could understand. He taught me how to talk and treat
women but I was just too stubborn and I didn’t see the point like I still don’t.
Don’t get me wrong I respect women and I sort of understand them but
commitment was just not my thing. “Shit, shit!!” I hit the hooter hard.
Me: “TF woman are trying die?” I yelled. I almost ran over her with my car. Why
was she out in the street so late at night anyways?
Girl: “Are you crazy!! Who drives like this in a residential area?” she was right, I
shouldn’t have been speeding in between people’s houses.
Me: “I am sorry. Are okay.” I was concerned.
Girl: “You almost ran me over, I am traumatized.” She held her chest.
Me: “I almost, so don’t be dramatic.”
Girl: “I could sue you for damages. ngiwuwe ngabe ngyathula ngene motweni
shaya ukhiye nghambe.” I laughed, she joined me as well.
Man: “Unehaba Nkosazane.”
Me: “Mxm!! Awungyeke.” She carried on walking. It might have been late at night
but I could see her big ass and my dick responded.
Man: “Get in the car so I can take you home.”
Girl: “I would take up your offer.” She sighed. “But I cant go back home without
my cousin and she went MIA on me with her boyfriend.”
Me: “Okay lets drive around than. It is not safe for a girl your age to be walking
alone at night.”
Girl: “Okay.” she got inside. “So where were you going?” she seemed like a calm
person.
Me: “Nowhere really I was just driving around clearing my head.”
Me: “Okay.”
Me: “Since you don’t have anything to do how about we go to my place until you
feel the need to come back.” It was innocent, she seemed young.
Girl: “Are you sure? Can I trust you, I am not trying to die you know.” I laughed
again, she was crazy and the way she said it she said with her calm voice.
Me: “You can trust me. I have a sister and I wouldn’t want anything to happen to
her.”
Girl: “Okay.” I drove us back home. And I lead us to my room, it was already dark
in the main house. We got in and she was busy admiring my room while I looked
at her. She was beautiful and her brown skin was just so smooth. “This is a nice
place.”
Me: “Thank you. I hardly spend time in here though.” She gave me a crazy look.
Girl: “Why? If I could, I would sleep, eat and die in here.” I laughed and she
laughed with me, I couldn’t help myself there was just something about the way
she spoke.
Me: “You are something else. Come and join me on the bed.” I must’ve confused
her judging by the look she gave me. “I don’t bite.” She joined me. “Tell me about
yourself.” I wanted to know her. It was clear I wasn’t going to have sex with her.
Girl: “I am Thingo Mfeka and I just turned 17.” She looked at me “There’s nothing
to tell really. I am in grade 11. I stay on the other side of town with my uncle and
aunt together with my two cousins. What about you?”
Me: “Where are your parents?” she sighed heavily.
Thingo: “My mother died when I was 13 years which is why I moved here and I
never met my father nor did we speak of him.” That was rough. I was a grown ass
man and I couldn't imagine life without my parents.
Me: “I am sorry to hear that.”
Thingo: “Its okay. So who do you live with?”
Me: “So any boyfriends and friends?” I wasn’t the type to share and it seemed like
it didn’t bother her that I was diverting our conversation. She laughed.
Thingo: “I have neither. I keep to myself it is just easier that way.” My type of girl.
I wouldn’t win this girl even if I tried. She knew herself and her worth with her
understanding of the fact that there is nothing wrong with being alone. I liked her.
I stood up.
Me: “I am coming back.” She nodded and kept on changing channels on the tv. I
went to the main house to get us juice. I got back and she was fast asleep. She
looked so innocent with her natural pout and big hair. I had to take a picture. I
took off my clothes and I got in next to her. For the first time in months I didn’t
need alcohol to help me fall asleep or have nightmares about combat. That gave
me an idea, I had a lot to think about though

»03«
THINGO
A.N: "We are leaving. Make sure the blankets and curtains are on the washing
line." She had already put them in water. And I was done washing the windows
since she woke me up before the chickens.
Me: "Okay aunty. What should I cook?"
A.N: "Don't worry we'll eat in town." She took her handbag. My uncle was already
waiting outside for them to catch taxis. We didn't have a car at home.
Aya: "I'll see later."
Me: "Okay." They all left as a family that they were. I was really sad that day.
Being an orphan is not something id wish on anyone not even my worst enemy. I
went to wash the curtains and blankets like my aunt instructed me with no help
from anyone. Blankets and curtains are heavy, how did my aunt really expect me
to do this by myself when most of the time Snothi and I used to help her? I
worked until my body couldn't handle it anymore but at least everything was
hanging on the washing line. I went to make food and later cleaned the house so I
could sleep, I was exhausted.
Aya: "Tee wake up!!"
Me: "Oh you back."
Aya: "Yes I bought you this." She gave me a chicken piece wrapped in a KFC
saviette and half full bottle of Fanta Grape. "Finish up before mama sees you." We
both knew I wasn't going to get KFC.
Me: "Okay thank you Aya. What did you do in town."
Aya: "Baba was buying us clothes and food since mama is leaving with him
tomorrow." Did I hear right?
Me: "They are both leaving?"
Aya: "Yes, I am also happy." We laughed and I finished my piece of meat and
drank the cold drink. It was already later so went to fetch the curtains so I could
hang them back and fold the blankets we weren't using. I have learned that our
background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are
responsible for who we become. My aunt’s emotional and physical abuse
would’ve broken anyone and they would’ve wished for an early grave. But I
wasn’t like everyone else my mother always told me, I was the calm after the
storm, I was her rainbow and we all know how happy people are about the
rainbow so I chose to be my own rainbow and followed my mother’s lasts words
and be strong. Things got really hard don’t get me wrong most nights I slept with
a heavy and lonely heart and sometimes I will sob silently. Then there was Aya
who always made sure I didn’t feel alone without actually saying those words. Her
presence and happy nature gave me hope, I honestly didn’t know what my life
would’ve become if she wasn’t there. She listened to everything I had to say
especially the stories I made up in my head. To me that was a release and coping
mechanism.
Aya: “So the dad had been in jail all this time?” I was finishing the story about the
Lost girl.
Me: “Yes. Him and the daughter reunited. Things were hard for them at first but
they made it. After the father coming back she got the job as an air hostess and
she lived her dream of seeing the world.”
Aya: “Wow! I kinda wish the mother didn’t die before the father and the daughter
reunited.”
Me: “I know but not every story has a happy ending you know.” Life taught me
that, I had always thought my mother and I will live forever. And I will always be
happy person but life had other plans. Happiness was a myth from me now.
Aya: “That sucks.”
Me: “It is life baby. Sleep I will start a new story tomorrow.” She giggled in
excitement.
Aya: “Okay I cant wait.” We slowly dosed off. As always my body clock woke me
up before my alarm. Then I remembered that my aunt had left with my uncle for
a week and we were all alone but that didn’t change anything for me because my
cousins still expected their uniforms properly ironed and and their breakfast
ready but at least I could take a bath first. I took a quick one so they wont say I
finished the hot water. I did what was expected of me. Snothi and Aya came for
breakfast. Snothi made a face and covered her nose and ran to the bathroom. I
didn’t understand what was happening. She came back.
Aya: “Are you okay sisi?”
Snothi: “I don’t feel fine, something smells bad.” She ran to the bathroom again. I
followed her with a glass of water.
Me: “Take this.” She took it and she drank. “I don’t know what smells bad
because I made the same breakfast I always make.” Since when did beacon and
egg smell bad for Snothi?
Snothi: “I know, maybe its something I ate last night. I will just have cereal.” I
nodded and made her cornflakes. Their transport came and I locked up and took
the dreadful walk to school. School was something I enjoyed, like always I minded
my own business during break and not bother anyone. Minnie decided to brace
me with her presence. I rolled my eyes in my head.
Minnie: “Hey Tee, I missed you.”
Me: “Aren’t you the same person who laughed at me a few weeks back?” I might
have been a reserved person or a loner whatever you chose to call me but one
thing I was not was desperate.
Minnie: “Look Tee. Joy is popular and being in her crew means I get to be invited
to cool parties. Please understand, you are still my friend.” Wow, was she even
listening to herself?
Me: “I don’t understand.” I looked at her. “You and I cant be friends. I wouldn’t do
you like how you did me. Hearing your reasons made me realize I am better off.”
Minne was all about popularity and street cred and that wasn't what I was about.
Minnie: “Mxm!! I am the only one who felt sorry for you and befriended your
lonely ass. Yazin be a weirdo!!” She walked away. Why did people feel the need to
have pity over me? I was fine. School carried as normal and in no time, home time
came. I walked home and close to the gate there was a car and he got out oh my!!
It was the perfect stranger. He was so handsome during the day, all muscled, tall
and well-structured body. He made a simple jeans and a hoody outfit look good.
But what was he doing here as I walked towards him leaning against his car
Stranger: “I have been waiting for you for over 2 hours.” He didn’t even greet me.
Me: “Sawubona bhuti.” (Hello brother)
Stranger: “Uyaphila nkosazane?” (Are you good princess?)
Me: “Ngyaphila unjan wena?” (I am good and you?)
Stranger: “Ngyaphila nam.” (I am good too.) We looked at each other. I wasn’t
about to talk, he came to me remember. “I came to check up on you.” he said
with a straight face.
Me: “I am perfectly fine as you can see.”
Stranger: “I would’ve called but you said you don’t have a phone.”
Me: “Even if I had why would you want to call me?”
Stranger: “Because I want to.” Wow okay! “I also enjoyed your company that
night.”
Me: “Okay.” He stared me. “I think I will go now.”
Stranger: “I am leaving on Sunday but I am taking you out on Saturday.” He wasn’t
asking me and he said it in that voice of authority of his.
Me: “No.”
Stranger: “I wasn’t asking. I will see you Saturday at 10am.” He got in his nice
BMW car. I wasn’t good with cars but I knew the symbols “By the way my name is
Hlanga.” And he drove away. What was the stranger playing at or should I say
Hlanga. Uthi mina ngilenzeni igama lakhe? (What must I do with his name?) I
went home and I washed my uniform like always and I cooked supper. Aya and I
got on with our homework with no sign of Snothi and none of us had cellphones
to call her.
Aya: “I don’t think she is coming back mzala. Lets just eat without her.”
Me: “Okay, let me dish up for us.” I dished up and we ate while we watched South
Afriacn soapies and later washed the dishes. I decided to clean the house so I
wont have a problem in the morning. We went to sleep. She was too tired that
day to listen to my story. The week went by so fast in no time it was Thursday and
Snothi came back looking like hell.
Me: “Haibo mzala. Yin ekseni?” she started crying. I didn’t know what to do. I kept
on brushing her back. “It is going to be fine Snothi.”
Snothi: “I don’t think so Tee!! I am pregnant and Themba said I must get rid of it if
I still want to be with him.” wow!!!
Me: “Is it not his child?” I was so shocked to find out my cousin wasn’t playing it
safe. Snothi was a reckless person clearly.
Snothi: “Of course its his. He says he already has a child with his girlfriend he wont
be able to afford mine.” Aybo I did say Themba was shady “I knew about the baby
mama I but didn’t think they were still together.”
Me: “So what are you going to do?”
Snothi: “I don’t know mzala. All I know is I love Themba and I would die if we
ended.” My cousin had clearly lost it.
Me: “So you are not keeping the baby so you can be with its father?” she looked
at me with a blank face. “Well that baby is innocent Snothile, you cant play God
on its life just because you and that shady boyfriend of yours chose to be reckless.
A baby is a consequence of unprotected sex.”
Snothi: “I know Thingo but how am I going to support it without a father?”
Me: “We will figure things out mzala but all I know is you might later regret not
keeping it.”
Snothi: “I also don’t think I want to terminate. What if it is the only baby I was
blessed with?” she looked panicked "Thingo I am scared!!"
Me: “Dont be, I'll be here to help you with whatever. If Themba leaves you, you’ll
already have a part of him to love forever.” She laughed.
Snothi: “That’s weird but I will take it.” at least.
Me: “Lets go to the clinic.”
Snothi: “And school?”
Me: “We will go tomorrow. And Snothi you have to be serious about your books
now.”
Snothi: “I know, you are right. I have been chasing after Themba and look where it
got me.” Aya's transport came and she left. I cleaned up after breakfast. I still had
that R100 from my uncle and she had money since Themba gave it to her for her
to terminate so we used it to see the doctor instead. The doctor did her thing and
we found out she was 2 months pregnant already. He gave a prescription for her
vitamins and my cousin decided she wants KFC and I didn’t mind. After sometime
we went back home and I told her she had to tell Themba how she felt so at least
he knew he had a baby somewhere. We also practiced how to tell aunty because
hell was going to break loose. Friday came I did my daily routine went to school
and after a long of pressure from our teachers about them preparing us for
matric, I walked back home. And there he was again. What he wanted this time, I
asked myself.
Me: “What do you want this time?” he chuckled
Hlanga: “Sawubona nawe Thingo?” I rolled my eyes “That’s rude, don’t ever do it
again.” Oh hayi ubaba thizen
Me: “Sawubona Hlanga.”
Hlanga: “I see you are still well. You look tired.”
Me: “I am, it has been a long week.”
Hlanga: “I can imagine. I came to remind you about tomorrow, so I will see you
tomorrow at 10.”
Me: “But I said no.”
Hlanga: “But I didn’t ask you. 10 sharp. Uziphathe kahle nkosazane.”(Take care of
yourself princess) He got in his car and drove off. This guy was clearly not the type
to take no for an answer so he didn’t bother asking. Since I was forced to go with
him. I washed our washing that evening it wasn’t a lot. Saturday came too soon I
felt, I made breakfast and I cooked lunch since I wont be around. I didn’t even
know what to wear as I wasn’t given a choice. I chose black leggings and long-
sleeve top since the weather was offish. I tied my afro into two ponies. I went to
Snothi’s room, I needed a bag.
Me: “Mzala can I borrow a bag.”
Snothi: “Okay. But uyaphi Thingo?”
Me: “I'm just meeting up with a friend.” She nodded. I took her brown sling bag
and left. I checked the time on the radio alarm clock it was 9:55. I put on my black
and white vans and a loose long cardigan to cover my big behind. 10 minutes later
I left the house and he was already parked 2 houses away from my house. I got in
the car and we exchanged greetings and complements and he drove off.
Me: “So whats the plan?”
Hlanga: “There is no plan.”
Me: “So ungivuse ekseni just to what, drive around?”
Hlanga: “Like I said I like your company, so I thought I should spend my last day at
home with you before I leave.”
Me: “Oh uyaphi?” (where are you going?)
Hlanga: “I work in Pretoria. I was on leave.” I nodded “What would you like us to
do?”
Me: “Where are we going first?”
Hlanga: “Durban.” I found myself smiling I haven’t been there in a while.
Me: “Let's go watch a movie. I haven’t been to the cinema since my mother died.”
I didn’t mind talking about it anymore. It still hurt but I got used to living without
her so it was okay.
Hlanga: “Okay. What else did you and mother do together?”
Me: “We loved ice cream and cinnabon buns.”
Hlanga: “What else.”
Me: “We also loved shopping and we would’ve a mini fashion show when we get
home.” I was now smiling at the fun times my mother and I had.
Hlanga: “Okay I think we have ourselves a plan.”
Me: “What would you like us to do?”
Hlanga: “Honestly I would’ve taken you out for food because who doesn’t eat
right?”
Me: “Oh we can still do that.”
Hlanga: “No I am giving you an experience you haven’t had in years and I am glad
I asked because you looked happy just telling me about it.” After sometime we
got to Durban and like he said he gave me an experience. We first watched a
movie we didn’t even catch the name because it was about the experience. After
the movie I had cinnabon buns at first he didn’t want to try them until I forced
him and he actually liked them. He was busy taking pictures of me mostly. We had
lunch and ice cream at Spur. He insisted on buying me clothes, no I am lying he
took me to the shops and told me to buy whatever I wanted. He made a mistake
but I didn’t exploit him. He bought a few for himself as well. After the fun day we
had at Gateway mall he drove us home. Not mine but his. We got to his house
and he took all the bags and we went straight to his room.
Hlanga: “There’s the bathroom, you can start with your fashion show.” I laughed
and he joined me. I really didn’t mind and I was having the best day in a long time.
I started showing of all my outfits with him as my audience and photographer.
Me: “You like taking pictures?”
Hlanga: “Not really, I like taking pictures of you.” I found myself smiling. I felt free
around him. He didn’t have expectations.
Me: “I am done its your turn now.”
Hlanga: “hayi hayi. Indoda yomZulu yonke.”
Me: “Ngiyi ntombi yomZulu, whats your point?” I gave him a straight face. He
stood up and he did the same parading is hot body because he bought jeans only.
“Wow look at the time, I need go home.” Lucky for me I had cooked before I left
so I knew they were good but I still needed to cook dinner.
Hlanga: “Okay.” As he was tidying up his well-organized room a younger girl
version of him came in
Girl: “Bhuti uthi uma food is ready.” And she looked at me “Oh sawubona sisi.” I
nodded, I was a bit shy.
Hlanga: “Okay, please tell her to fix an extra plate.” I looked at him with the “are
you crazy” look “What? My mother will think I am hiding something if we just
leave without eating her food.”
Me: “Fine!” we all know I didn’t have a say anyway. He took my hand and led us
to the mansion. A well-aged woman whom I assumed was the mother screamed.
Mother: “hawu!! hawu!! Hlangalezwe Mthethwa uban lo omuhle kangaka?” (Who
is this beaut, you came with?) she seemed so shocked “Baba!!” he touched her
husband’s shoulder. While the idiot I was with was smiling non stop
Hlanga: “Ma no baba and siblings, this is Thingo Mfeka.” The mother stood up and
came to hug me
Me: “Ngijabulela ukunazi ma.”(Its nice to meet you ma)
Ma: “Siyajabula nathi ntombi.” Hlanga opened a chair for me and I sat down
Hlanga: “Thingo this is my brother Lonhle and sister Nele.”
Me: “I am pleased to meet you guys.”
Them: “Likewise.” We indulge on the delicious food with them doing most of the
talking and me answering when I am asked a question. We were all done and the
woman started to clear the table.
Me: “Let me help ma.”
Ma: “Ngyabonga ntombi.” I helped with the dishes and when we were done I said
my goodbyes
Nele: “You must come back again.” I looked at the idiot that bought me there by
force
Hlanga: “She will, I promise.” We took the things he bought for me.
Me: “Can I ask one last favour?” he nodded “Can we pass by KFC.”
Hlanga: “Why, you just ate my mother’s delicious mutton curry.” I laughed a bit at
him praising his mother’s cooking.
Me: “I know that. I left people at home, that’s why I wanted to leave at that time
so I can cook”
Hlanga: “Why don’t they cook for themselves?”
Me: “Its my job to cook for them, always been.”
Hlanga: “Okay.” We got there “How many people?” I showed him two fingers and
he went inside. After some he was back with the whole of KFC. He went to drop
me off at home. “Take the food to them and come back for your things.” I didn’t
bother asking why anymore. I did as told and Snothi and Aya wanted to hug and
kiss me on the spot. They finished the food I cooked for lunch and had been
waiting for me. I bought the KFC initially for the pregnant girl. Anyways I went
back to the car.
Me: “I am back.” He was on his phone. He looked at me after he was done with
whatever.
Hlanga: “Today was fun I must say.” I nodded with a smile because I felt the same
way too.
Me: “Thank you for everything you did for me today. All the money you spent on
me.”
Hlanga: “Don’t mention it. I wanted to see you happy.”
Me: “Well you succeeded.”
Hlanga: “I am glad. Like I said before I am going back to Joburg tomorrow. I don’t
know when I will be coming back.” A part of me was a bit sad. I liked being around
him
Me: “Okay.” I got out of the car and went to the backseat for the plastics
Hlanga: “Hay hay!! Don’t be sad.” He was now holding me close to his broad chest
“I am glad I met you Thingo.”
Me: “I am glad I met you too Hlangalezwe.” He chuckled
Hlanga: “Take care of yourself and stay away from boys for me okay?” I nodded “I
will check up on you every day.”
Me: “Now you are just lying to me. I think I should leave.” He handed me a box. It
was a phone box
Hlanga: “I bought you a phone so we can talk while I am away.”
Me: “I cant take it. My aunt will freak and probably throw it away. There is a
reason why I don’t have a phone.”
Hlanga: “What does that mean?” he sighed “Take it and hide it where she wont
find it. We have to keep in contact.”
Me: “Okay. Thank you once again.” He hugged me and kissed my forehead
Hlanga: “Uziphathe kahle Thingo lwam.” (Take care of yourself my Rainbow) I just
sobbed. Why was he doing this to me? only my mother called me that.
Me: “Okay I will. Uhambe kahle nawe.”(Go well)
Hlanga: “I will. Call me whenever you need something, I will make it happen.
Okay?” I nodded so he can leave already and what can I possibly need from him. I
walked back home with a heavy heart. I don’t why I felt like that, I didn’t even
know what he wanted from me but I was already so drawn to him.

»03«
CONTINUED
HLELO
I looked at this man and how attracted I was to him all of a sudden. We all know
that a crush is innocent but when it starts being strong feelings things get a bit
complicated because there are so many factors to consider. The fact that he was
my teacher was top of the list of course and the age difference thing too. I know I
shouldn’t judge I mean the age difference between my parents was 17 years but
that was them, for me it mattered.
Me: “Mr Jam sorry I mean Meli I cant do this with you it goes against everything I
stand for.” I know I had said I was going to go for him but the more I thought
about it the more it just got complicated.
Meli: “Come on baby.” I was his baby now, okay. It would’ve been lie to say my
heart didn’t jump for joy when he called me that. “I know its wrong in the school’s
rule book but we don’t have to do it when we are at school. You be my girlfriend
outside the school premises. I love you and I cant hold it any longer.” You
should’ve seen his pleading face. I believed him and he said those 3 words.
Me: “I think I should go, break is almost over.” I left his office. I went staright to
my friends.
Namhla: “What did Mr James say this time?”
Me: “You don’t wanna know. I rather not talk about it.”
Emma: “Are you okay?” I nodded. But I wasn’t Meli was already complicating my
life and he wasn’t even my boyfriend. Break ended and the school day
commenced with me in a different planet. I was a believer of “Love of my life” and
soulmates because of my parents. Those two were my inspiration. After school
my dance teacher came to fetch me and I had my dance lessons. I had been
dancing since I was 5 years old something my mother and I did together but for
her it was exercise for me it became my life something I fell in love with. My dad
was the one fetching me that day.
Baba: “MaMnguni.” He always called me that on his happy days
Me: “Qwabe.” That’s what my mother called him now we all do.
Baba: “Uyaphapha kodwa Gugulethu.” We laughed “So how was your day?”
Me: “Same old, same old. I can’t wait for matric and be done with school.”
Baba: “Just one more year. What are you planning on doing after matric?”
Me: “School of the Arts babami and I want to major in dance.” I was already doing
a dance move
Baba: “That is not happening. No daughter of mine will dance for a living. Dance
was something you were supposed to do for fun.” Haike ubaba Gumede!!
Me: “But baba I love it and you know I am good at it.”
Baba: “I am not disputing your talent Gugulethu. You know what do your research
on people in that industry and come and present it to me. if I am not convinced
you are not doing it.”
Me: “Fine!!” I rolled my eyes at him.
Baba: “I am still your father Hlelolwenkosi and you will respect me.” Baba was a
softy guys especially us his kids but nothing ticked him off as disrespect. Rolling
your eyes at him was just as bad.
Me: “I am sorry baba.” We got to Musgrave centre and we made our way inside.
He bought his wife flowers and chocolate cake. While I was minding my own
business, I wasn’t prepared for what I saw next. Meli was with a pretty, slender
woman and they were holding hands. I thought he loved me or he was being a
boy about it like my player twin brothers. That sight broke my heart, I did say I
was developing feelings for him. It felt like betrayal. He caught me staring, our
eyes locked for a minute. He was shocked and I was hurt. I asked my father for us
to leave. We bought a few things and we drove home. I went straight to my room
and I cried my eyeballs out. Why was I behaving like that, I mean I didn’t agree to
anything so basically he was allowed to do anything. A knock came in and it was
my brothers Simo and Ndalo
Simo: “Hlehle its time for us do our homework.” I nodded
Me: “I am coming.” They left. I went to take a quick shower in my bathroom and
wore my onsie and took my books and went to the dining room table were we all
did our homework. “Alime I need help with today Maths homework.” He nodded.
He was a math genius like baba.
Lakhe: “Me too bro.” The twins were a year older than me but we were in the
same grade. Alime explained everything and it made sense.
Mamazi: “Can you guys come eat so that Hlehle can take her insulin shot.” Oh yes
I am a diabetic as well, have been since I was 3 years old.
Elihle: “Mamazi I am done with my homework can I go watch tv with my food?”
Mamazi: “let me check it first.” we ate and after dinner we went back to studying
since homework was done. The younger ones went to watch tv. “Lights out at
23:00 guys, its still a school night.” We listened to mamazi’s instructions and we
went to bed and I found my phone with 28 missed calls from my idiot IT teacher. I
didn’t bother returning it. The week went by with me avoiding him in class since
he couldn’t say anything. I was really hurt and I couldn’t even tell my friends
about it. During one of my classes, I asked to go to the bathroom since I wasn’t
concentrating anyways. I shouldn’t have because I bumped into Satan himself.
Meli: “Baby you have been avoiding me. we need to talk.” He dragged me to his
office
Me: “Yin Melisizwe?” I was still pissed off.
Meli: “Kandiphe ithuba ndichaze Hlelo.” Oh yeah he was Xhosa by the way.
Me: “Uchaza ini Meli. I saw what I saw.”
Meli: “Okay. Kodwa nawe baby awufuni kundipha thuba njena. Ndithin ke mna?
She was nothing, I was using her since I cant have you. Mna ndifuna wena
bhabha.” I found myself smiling. “Zijonge umhle njan nxa uncuma.”
Me: “Thank you.” I was still blushing.
Meli: “Hlelo ndiyakuthanda futh ndiyakufuna. Please be mine.” He said with a
huge smile on his face while coming close to me “Ndyacela.” He had puppy eyes
now really? I laughed.
Me: “Fine. Please don’t hurt me Meli.”
Meli: “Asoze muntu wam.” Who wouldn’t smile when you have your own
personal person? “Ndyakthanda vha?”
Me: “Okay.”
Meli: “hayi baby ithi uyangthanda nawe.” He bought me close to him with his
hands on my waist. He tried to kiss me. His lips were just perfect soft and cold but
I didn’t know what to do since I had never kissed anyone in my life. I was so
embarrassed “You've never been kissed?” I nodded shyly. “Let me teach you
then.” He said with a smile. He placed his cold and soft lips on mine and I closed
my eyes. He slowly took my bottom lip and started sucking on it and I did the
same with his top lip. I followed his motion and guess what that was my first kiss.
And it felt great. “You are a fast learner.”
Me: “You are a good teacher.” After we said that we realized the irony of the
whole thing and we laughed. “So how are we going to make this work?”
Meli: “Like I said we will only get to see each other outside of school, it is just
safer that way.” I nodded. “I love you. Now go back to class.” I giggled we kissed
once again and it was better and lasted longer than the first time. “Class now
young lady.” I walked away and he spanked my cute butt. I giggled
Me: “Call me.”
Meli: “of course.” I left his office. I felt alive again. Time flew with us connecting
and talking everyday on the phone. He called me in the morning and again at
night. He didn’t like texting he said he loved hearing my voice. We would steal a
few kisses at school, we couldn’t help it. I was so in love with him I couldn’t help
myself, he was just too amazing. My brothers saw through me but I couldn’t tell
them that I was dating my IT teacher. They would’ve ran to our parents and bab’
Gumede would make an example of me in front my siblings by probably killing
me. So we had decided to meet up every Saturday and spent the whole day
together without disturbance. I had to ask mamazi to drive me to the library and
he came and picked me up and he booked us a nice hotel room. The first few
Saturdays were chilled with us watching movies on his laptop and we spoke of IT
since we had that in common and a few things about ourselves. He was really
good guy, smooth talker I give him that. He made everything look easy. Like me
he was also from an affording family. He took the job at our school because he
wanted to do something with his time. On this day we were chilling naked in the
room, me in my bra and panty and him in his boxer. Meli’s body was to die for. He
had a 4-pack and had that buff thing going on. Things were hitting up by the
minute. The kissing had escalated to him unhooking my bra, we hadn’t taken
things that far yet but he was my boyfriend and I felt I could trust him. He started
kissing and me from neck down to my breasts. I was getting weird sensations all
over my body. He sucked on my left breast while he played with the nipple of the
other. He changed breasts. His hand moved from my breasts down to my nuna.
He started rubbing it on top of my panty and it felt so good. He went back to
kissing my lips while putting his hand in my panty. He played with my clit and
Me: “Aaaah.” That was my first moan. Things were moving too fast though.
“Meliii!!” I managed to speak out through the intense kissing
Meli: “Mmm.” He went down to kissing my jawline to nibbling my ear. He left my
ear and kissed me from my breasts down to my nuna. He took off my panty using
his teeth while he kept eye contact with me. I felt weird and mushy down there.
“You have an amazing body baby.” He was forever complementing me about my
looks and body. I don’t know I felt I was more than my looks but obviously one
had to know me first to know that. Out of nowhere he introduced his tongue to
my mushy nuna. It didn’t feel weird anymore. I was feeling pleasure.
Me: “Aaaah!!” the things he was doing was causing me to let out weird sounds. At
first he started playing around my clit and then he sucked on it and he made his
way down, I had my hands on his head. He needed to keep doing whatever he
was doing because my body had a brain of its own and was enjoying it. He pulled
me up and my ass was in the air and he went in deeper. My body was feeling
weird, I was shaking a bit. My toes started to curl. His groans vibrating on my clit
were heavenly. I was grinding against his mouth and it was so good a huge flood
came out of my vagina. He was that good. He cleaned me up with his tongue
“What was that?” I managed to ask catching my breath
Meli: “That was your first orgasm baby.” He said kissing me. “Look at what you do
to me.” he showed her erected penis in his boxer. I just giggled because I didn’t
know what to say. “I know its still early and you are probably not ready but I
would like to make love to you.” I looked at him with a “what” look. “There is not
pressure babe. I am tired of telling you how much I love you. I just want to
express it with our bodies.” I looked at him searching for something. “You love me
right?” I nodded “And you trust me?” I nodded again “Let me make love to you
than baby.”
Me: “Okay.” It felt right losing my v-card to the man I had been fantasizing a
future with. It then dawned on me that my future was in that moment.
Meli: “Thank you. Ndyakthanda vha?”
Me: “Ewe.” He chuckled and I giggled. I sounded weird when I spoke Xhosa. He
kissed my lips and forehead .He parted my legs and got in between them.
Meli: “Look at me” he said, his voice was a bit rough. I opened my eyes and he
inserted his finger
Me: “Ahh babe!” He kissed me as he moved his fingers in me. He continued and I
was moaning lightly. He then decided to take it to the next level I started eating
me like there is no tomorrow again. He came up and kissed me making me taste
myself. I must say that turned me on more. He positioned himself in between my
legs. He kissed me with so much passion and without warning he inserted his
huge penis in my tiny hole “Ouch!! Babe you are so huge.” He chuckled
Meli: “I am sorry baby. Let me try again.” He went in harder and the excruciating
pain made tears come out my eyes “Try and relax it will be over soon.” He slowly
started moving. The pain got worse. “mmmh fuck Hlelo!!” he was clearly enjoying
himself. He kept on moving faster there was a hint of pleasure but the pain was
still there. He kept at it with both of us moaning and groaning simultaneously. It
felt good. Until the flood from before came again. He followed after. “I love you
baby.”
Me: “I love you more.” He got up and went to the bathroom and came back with
a wet towel and wipe my burning vagina. He went back fixed water for us and we
took a well deserved bath and it was what my nuna needed.
Meli: “Are you okay?”
Me: “I am fine. I am happy my first time was with you.”
Meli: “Me too. Thank you for trusting me.” After the bath we stayed in our gowns
and waited for room service. After the late lunch he drove me back to the library
and I waited for Lume Lwazi since I was spending the weekend at his house. Life
got crazier for me after that because exams came and I had a lot of studying to do
and he was also busy. He was in the process of starting his own IT company. We
hardly spent time with each other. All we did as part of quality time was our new
found obsession which was sex but mostly it was quickies in his office.
Me: "My birthday is coming up, I was thinking we should go to the beach or
something but something outdoors." I said as I fixed myself up after a steamy
session on his couch. We spent too much time behind closed doors, it was time
the world saw us. "Id invite you to my sweet 16 party but it would be weird." I
laughed and he just chuckled, he was on his phone and he wasn't even paying
attention to me. "Melisizwe!!"
Meli: "uhh! Oh sorry. Happy birthday." He was still on his phone.
Me: "Are you kidding me!! All this time I was talking to myself, mxm!!" I threw his
tie at him
Meli: "Hlelo man!! Just go to class." Was he serious "I'll call you later." He came
closer to kiss me.
Me: "Okay. I love you."
Meli: "I'll call you." He carried on with his phone while I took my things "Oh throw
this away for me." It was the condom we had just used. What was wrong with
him, I asked myself. That day it was like he wasn't my boyfriend. He treated me
differently and I wasn't okay. He got even more busy and we hardly saw each
other even at school because it was end year exams. Eventually end-year exams
came and passed. I was now free and I missed my boyfriend dearly. I loved
Melisizwe James it was no lie anymore
Me: “Meli we haven’t been spending time together. Schools are closed now. I
miss you” We were talking on the phone.
Meli: “Baby I know, I will make it up too you, I promise.”
Me: “Okay. Remember I am leaving for Bergville in 2 days.”
Meli: “Eish jonga ndiyolanda umakhulu wam ngomso and ndizobuya nxa
ugodukayo. I will see you when you get back I guess.”
Me: “Meli I am coming back next year after the holidays. Why cant you see me
before you go fetch your grandmother?” some commotion happened on the
background.
Meli: “Sathetha later baby. I love you.” He was acting shady, it was obvious now.
He always brushed me off or had an excuse to not being able to see me. It was
frustrating really. I just hung up because he pissed me off.
======
Me: "Thank you for coming to see me before I left." My boyfriend came to see me
the after I hung up on and said he asked his brother to fetch his grandmother.
Meli: "I missed you bhabha." We kissed we were in his car mind you and he came
to see me at my grandparents place KwaMashu.
Me: "I missed you too baby." Next thing he lowered his seat and instructed me to
sit on him. Mind you I was in the shortest dress on earth but I did it anyway. And
just like that we had sex in his car and it was amazing. "That was great."
Meli: "I know but I have to leave now." That made me sad it had been that long.
Me: "Already but you just got here."
Meli: "You are always nagging me lately. Hlelo I am trying, kant fanele ndenze
njan?" He snapped.
Me: "I am sorry baby, I didn't mean to upset you or make it seem I don't
appreciate you trying."
Meli: "Mxm!! Just get out of my car Hlelo." He started his car clearly pissed and I
got out. I felt bad, I had been nagging him too much of course it's going to get
annoying. I was going to give him time to cool off so I can apologize.

»04«
NQOBANI
My leg had fully healed and I was ready to go back to work. The past 6 months
have been hell. Sitting at home and doing nothing all day. Everything was
functioning including my penis because it hadn’t been functioning due to the leg
injury. I loved my job it was the one thing that I knew would never disappoint me.
I was a doctor in the military I helped with patients who were admitted from
training and stuff like that since South Africa wasn’t at war. We also helped out
other countries who were at war like South Sudan with military and medical
assistance.
Hlanga: “Its good to have you back Bhungane.” We said shaking hands.
Hlangalezwe was the brother I never had. We had been through so much
together.
Me: “Nyambose you look good. Im guessing being at home did you good.”
Hlanga: “It really did, I didn’t realize how much I missed home until I went there.”
Me: “You should go there more often. Look at you, you are glowing.” I said
mocking him
Hlanga: “Hayi ngeke mngan wam you sound gay now. Look I will check you later I
have training now.”
Me: “Meet me at the club, we have a lot of partying to do.”
Hlanga: “Ntwana si on.” He left and I went to fix my paperwork with HR. After the
paperwork I went to my office and checked on our patience. I had a dislocated
shoulder and a broken leg. We had a lot of those during training.
Me: “Candidate Thwala.” I looked at her. I really admired woman who joined the
army “I just going to pop the shoulder back to its rightful place. It will hurt but you
will be fine.”
CT: “I have been through worse than a dislocated shoulder doctor.” Oh that pain
is excruciating though.
Me: “Oh is it?” I was preparing her sling.
CT: “Yeah drunken mother and abusive father. That’s the worst pain.” I than
remembered my own nightmare of a father who was both a drunk and abuser.
My mother and I were his punching bags. “You don’t have to pity me doctor, I am
a better person because of it.”
Me: “How so?” I had to keep her talking since I was about to pull it back.
CT: “Aaaaah!! You weren’t lying it hurts like a MF.” She screamed. I did warn her
though.
Me: “I am sorry. You were saying?”
CT: “Oh yes, it made me understand that pain is something we carry with us
everyday, it is up to you how you inflict it. They chose they wrong path and I
chose to serve and help were I am needed.” She had a point. My pain forced me
to join the army because no school wanted me because of my record.
Me: “You are a wise woman Candidate Thwala. The army is lucky to have you.”
CT: “Thank you Dr.” I left her from my other patients. I must say my 1st day back
wasn’t what I expected it to be. Candidate Thwala’s words kept on playing in my
head. How was I inflicting my pain? The last thing I wanted was make someone
feel the pain I was feeling. You know that feeling, the feeling of both relief and
desperation. Nothing is wrong but nothing is right either and you are tired. Tired
of everything, tired of nothing. And you just want someone to be there and tell
you its okay. But no one is going to be there because everyone has problems and
they are living their own lives. So you have to be strong for yourself because no
one can fix you. But you are tired of waiting. Tired of having to be the one to fix
yourself and everyone else. Tired of being strong. And for once you want it to be
easy, to be simple, to be helped, to be saved but you know you wont be. But you
are still hoping and you are still wishing, still staying strong and fighting, with
tears in your eyes. That was my life for as long as I can remember. Since no one
understood my pain I had to put up a front and be a good older brother because
my younger sisters were counting on me. Since Bab’ Mdluli came into my life he
taught me to be a man and his definition was men don’t show weakness and be
fearless and resilient. He would say a real man accepts his fate and never
becomes a victim of it. The one I couldn’t master was to live, speak and listen
from the heart. I could never communicate my feelings and being in the military
didn’t help me either because we were trained to not show feelings, to be
hardcore. Those are some of the things we spoke about with ubaba because
that’s what he was to me more than my biological one ever was. I finished off at
work and drove to my place in Centurion. I got a call from Hlanga
Me: “Hlangalezwe.”
Hlanga: “Are we still on for tonight?”
Me: “Sure. But I am crashing at your place after.”
Hlanga: “Of course. You will find me at the club than.” He hung up. Hlanga and I
owned a club together in joburg. I was also into property thanks to the money
baba left me and I my siblings. I take care of the younger ones finances while I
gave Lihle her share when she finished nursing and I helped her investing it as
well. She own a hair salon around Joburg and it was doing well. I owned a block of
flats and a few townhouses around Gauteng. I was still watching soccer when my
sister came in
Me: “Aibo Nolwazi umshiye nobani uSne?”
Nolwazi: “I left her with Lihle and gog’ lilly.” Gog’ Lilly helped us out with Sne since
our schedules were quite hectic. “I bought dinner.” She sounded so defeated.
Me: “Are you okay?” I followed her to the kitchen “You don’t sound fine.”
Nolwazi: “Can you not be my big brother and just be my friend?” I nodded
because I was concerned “My boyfriend broke up with me and said I am too
dramatic and self-centered.” She took a bite of her pizza “I mean what’s wrong
with loving myself a little too much, that’s what ubaba no ma taught me.”
Me: “And they would be proud of the person you have become. Look if he cant
love and accept you the way you are than he is not worth it. He shouldn’t try to
change you.”
Nolwazi: “I was too good for that loser anyway.” My sister was entitled, it worried
me a little but at least I knew she knew her self-worth and didn’t allow those boys
to play with her heart.
Me: “I am meeting up with Hlanga at the club.”
Nolwazi: “I need the vibe after the day I had. I am coming with you.”
Me: “Don’t you have classes?”
Nolwazi: “No I am shadowing this whole week so I am good.”
Me: “Let’s get ready than.” I wasn’t the brother that was controlling when it came
to my siblings when it came to living their lives unless I felt they were making a
mistake. That’s when I stepped in as the man of the house. We got ready and left
for the club.
Hlanga: “Khula Nolwazi.” That always annoyed my sister. She hated being treated
like a baby. It got Hlanga laughing.
Nolwazi: “Awume bhuti Hlanga.” We sat at a table close to the bar and our drinks
came.
Me: “How are things looking?”
Hlanga: “Same old, same old.” Out of nowhere one of my regular girls made her
presence visible
Mimi: “Clive! Clive!”
Me: “Hey Mimi.” We hugged.
Mimi: “You have been so scarce. One would say you were out of the country.’
Me: “That’s because I was.”
Mimi: “I am leaving with you tonight.” She said seductively. I was really tempted
but Nolwazi ruined my plans.
Me: “Sorry baby, I am with my sister and we crashing at a friend’s.”
Mimi: “Bummer!! Call me when you are free than.”
Me: “I will. Enjoy your night.” We hugged and she left. “Yewena you have been on
your phone since I got here.”
Hlanga: “Sorry man.” He said with a smile.
Me: “Why are you smiling?”
Hlanga: “I think I found me a wife.” I laughed because since I have known my
good friend he has never been one to commit. My friend couldn’t even commit to
casual sex. He played it so safe to a point of not having sex with the same girl.
Me: “Please do not subject the girl to your dead heart.” I looked at him. “You are
incapable of love and commitment. We all know that.”
Nolwazi: “I am going to dance.” She stood up and left us and I think our
conversation was boring her.
Hlanga: “I know I am the last person to speak of long term commitment. But I
kinda feel we are what we need for each other. Plus my parents are on me about
grandkids”
Me: “Care to explain?”
Hlanga: “From our conversations she is going through a lot but it as though she
has embraced her life as is. I can offer her a better life and she can be just what I
need to get my parents off my back.”
Me: “What about her feelings man?”
Hlanga: “I don’t know. That is the part where I am losing at. I don’t think I will
understand even if I asked her.”
Me: “You need help wena.” We carried on drinking. One thing my good friend
didn’t understand was that not everything was about him which made him a
selfish person. I love him, he is my brother but the one thing him and I differed in
was that he wasn’t considerate of other people’s feelings. He used the whole I
don’t understand feelings line just to avoid caring about another person. I really
hoped that girl would stay away from him, he wasn’t good for anyone just like
me. Hlanga and I had different perspectives to life. I was single and had casual sex
simply because I wasn’t good enough for anyone and I understood that. My past
had damage me beyond repair and I just figured it is best not to subject another
human being to my crap. Hlanga on the other hand was raised in a good home
with both loving parents, being an asshole and a jerk was a decision he made
because we all know life is all about making decisions and choices. He didn’t have
real problems or maybe he did, he just chose not to tell me I could never tell. But
still he didn’t deserve to be with someone long term. After the club we went back
to his place in Northcliff and we retired our tired and drunk bodies.
Nolwazi: “Bhuti can I have something to sleep in.” he went to fetch his old top
and gave to her. “Goodnight you all!”
Us: “Goodnight.” I stood up and went to drink some water to avoid a headache in
the morning.
Hlanga: “Thingo lwam.” He was on the phone, with I was guessing was the girl he
was lying to.
Caller: “…”
Hlanga: “I am sorry to wake you up. We’ll talk in the morning.”
Caller: “…” she might have said something funny because my uptight friend
laughed. Hlanga was an acquired taste to some people. He kept to himself which
is why I was his only friend. He hated small talk, he preferred solitude. You’d
swear he didn’t grow up with siblings.
Hlanga: “Lala nkosazane.”
Me: “You are leading the poor girl on.”
Hlanga: “I am so not. I haven’t spoken anything that might suggest that. I like her
company man, she’s different.” I might have read the situation all wrong my
friend was the one who was interested.
Me: “So you fucked?”
Hlanga: “Hell no. she’s a high school kid.” I nodded. He liked her but was too
much of a coward to admit so he came up with an excuse. Since when was age a
problem, to me is just a mere number.
Me: “I am out bra, goodnight.” We went our separate ways.
Hlanga: “Goodnight.”
THINGO
One thing I knew I shouldn’t do when I first came to stay with my aunt was never
to be out of line. I remember that day as if it was yesterday. It was a cold winter
night and I didn’t feel like eating after she had dished up for me. I decided to
decline the food by pushing it away from me and it fell and was spilt over the
floor, worst mistake of my life. My aunt slapped me and took all the blankets and
I slept in only a sheet. From that day I vowed to myself that I will take her cruelty
and appreciate whatever she gives me because my situation could’ve been worse.
My aunt wasn’t given the ability to nurture because she never spoke kindly even
to her daughters obviously she showed them some love because they were her
daughters but she just wasn’t involved like a mother should. I knew this because
of how my mother was with me. Back to my point she wasn’t involved in their
lives to a point where she didn’t know Snothi was pregnant until she was 4
months pregnant and her tummy was showing. Snothi was a person with a flat
tummy and she wasn’t thick like me either so my question was when she started
gaining weight what did she think was happening to her daughter?
A.N: “Snothile umithi?” (You are pregnant?) she had just find out from our next
door neighbor. Just imagine even neighbours saw before she did. I wasn’t judging
I was just worried. “Khuluma Snothile!! You are having sex wena? Unprotected
sex for that matter.”
Snothi: “Mama I am sorry.” She looked down embarrassed.
A.N: “Mama nywe nywe!! Mxm suka. Who is the father?”
Snothi: “uThemba mama.”
A.N: “I am telling your father he’ll know what to do ngalamanya owenzile.”(with
the disgracing thing you did) She stood up and came up to me on the dining room
table “Wena uke umithe nje uzoybona uzohlalaphi.” (If you decide to get
pregnant, you'll see where you'll live.) Hawu bantu mina ngingenaph eswini
saSnothile?(How was I connected to Snothi's pregnancy?)
Me: “Yebo aunty.” She left me in peace. I went to fetch water for the crying
Snothi. “Mina mzala.”
Snothi: “Ngyabonga.” She drank up “Baba uzongbulala mzala (Baba is going to kill
me). Maybe Themba was right.”
Me: “Mzala sekulate for o-maybe. This is happening.” I didn’t even want to
entertain Themba’s crazy because that was just plain crazy and selfish.
Snothi: “I have to pass my matric mzala, so I can at least look for a job to support
my baby.”
Me: “You will. You really worked hard towards the end.” And she did. Her and I
spent a lot of time studying. I was going to matric and she was waiting for her
results.
Snothi: “Mzala ngilambile.” (I am hungry)
Aya: “Nam Tee.” (me too)
Me: “Okay let me go dish up.” I stood up and dished up for everyone. I took
aunty’s food to her room. While Aya took hers and Snothi’s. We ate while we
watched tv. After everyone was done I washed the dishes and cleaned the
kitchen. Aunty came back.
A.N: “Snothile ksasa ekseni siyobika leso sisu sakho.” (Tomorrow we are going to
report that pregnancy) Snothi looked at me panicked because I was the only one
who knew that her child had no daddy.
Snothi: “Yebo mama.” She went back to her room.
Me: “Mzala uzoyenza njan?”(What are you going to do?)
Snothi: “Angaz mzala. I have no choice but to go there.” I nodded.
Me: “I am going to bed.”
Aya: “I will come join you after the movie.”
Me: “Okay.” I left them. I changed into my pjs and did bantu knots to my afro so it
doesn’t shrink. And Hlanga decided to call me. He does as he pleases and I just
don’t have the energy to stop him anymore. Plus he left a threatening message
about me switching off the phone he bought for us to talk. I liked talking to him
but he got really scary sometimes with that dictator thing of his. “Hlangalezwe.”
Hlanga: “Thingo lwam.” I loved how he said it. There’s always that awkward
silence after he says that and I sometimes find myself smiling. “Uyaphila
nkosazane?”
Me: “Ngyaphila, unjan wena?”
Hlanga: “Ngyaphila nam. How are the holidays treating you?”
Me: “They are so boring, I have nothing to do. School kept me busy.”
Hlanga: “Most kids would be happy about that.”
Me: “I am not like most kids.”
Hlanga: “I agree.” I giggled
Me: “At least we agree on something.” He chuckled “What are you doing?”
Hlanga: “I am at work.”
Me: “Its so late at night.”
Hlanga: “I am a doctor, I work odd hours.”
Me: “I thought you were in the military?”
Hlanga: “Military doctor.”
Me: “That’s interesting.”
Hlanga: “What do you want to do after your matric?”
Me: “I want to do law.”
Hlanga: “You should come do it here in joburg.” That was an idea but we all know
my situation.
Me: “It would be nice being in the city of gold. Kwandonga ziyaduma!!” he
laughed “I will first have to get a bursary.”
Hlanga: “Mele usebenze ke nkosazane ungadlali.”(You have to work hard) he had
a point.
Me: “I don’t have a choice.”
Hlanga: “Usaziphethe kahle lapho? Awudlali abafana?”(Are you still behaving and
not entertaining boys?) athi ngimlaye (let me shock him). He always asks this
question.
Me: “Now that you asked, I met this boy and…” he didn’t let me finish
Hlanga: “Yey! Yey! Thingo don’t piss me off.” I laughed at the way he sounded.
Me: “Why do you care? I am young and I am allowed.”
Hlanga: “I know that. I just don’t want you losing focus.” He sounded like he cared
about me.
Me: “I don’t worry I won’t. I am good at multitasking.”
Hlanga: “Haibo Thingo did you really meet someone?” his voice changed to
worried
Me: “Yeah.” I just wanted see where this was going?
Hlanga: “Oh okay. I have to go now.” That I didn’t see coming
Me: “Goodnight.” He hung up. I felt weird. Maybe I took the joke too far. I was
too tired to care. I slept.

»04«
CONTINUED
THINGO
Thank God it was school holidays and I didn’t have to wake up early to slave. But
my body clock never disappointed at least I could stay in bed a while longer. I
woke up just in time to catch aunty, Snothi and aunty Thembeka before they left
for Themba’s house to report the pregnancy. Aunt Thembeka is Aunty Nomusa’s
younger sister. She is the total opposite of her sister. She was sweet and actually
took time to ask about what was happening in our lives. I think that’s what every
teenager wants really, someone to listen without judging. I had found Hlanga, I
didn’t know what his intentions were for me frankly I didn’t care. I kinda felt if I
asked him I would be opening up myself to a fate I might not like so it was best to
be in the unknown when it came to him. He listened to my crap and laughed at
my lame jokes and that was enough for me.
A.T: “Thingo you have grown so much.” She said hugging me. “Don’t be like your
cousin please. Finish school and get a job and make us proud.” she was so caring.
A.N: “Uyalandela naye lo.” (Shes also next) She said looking at me with a judging
face. What gave my aunt the idea of me getting pregnant?
A.T: “Hayi suka sisi. Thingo is a good girl.” She said smiling. To be honest I had
never seen my aunt smile unless she was smiling with one of the woman from the
neighbourhood. “Asambeni phela we have to get there while they are still
asleep.” Zulu traditions though, they were so dramatic I felt. Why did we have to
report a pregnancy whereas two people were involved in the deed, they know
what they did. After drinking their tea they left. I started cleaning the house.
Aya: “Your phone is ringing Tee.” She said in her sleepy voice. She gave it to me
and went back to the room. Her and I had an understanding regarding the phone
Hlanga bought for me. We kept it a secret even from Snothi. It was Hlanga
obviously. I thought he was mad, I answered
Me: “Morning.”
Hlanga: “I am outside.” I was a bit confused
Me: “Huh? Outside where?”
Hlanga: “Thingo phuma, I am outside your house.” I went to change my pjs and
wore a bra because my boobs were extra. And indeed he was outside.
Me: “Weren’t you at work last night?” he didn’t say anything he chose to hug me
okay, I was even more confused. But being in his arms felt so right. His teddy bear
hugs were just what I needed.
Hlanga: “Get in the car.” I did as told and he did as well. People were probably
judging me getting into a car and so early in the morning but what the hell, one
has to be a rebel at least once in their lives. We sat in awkward silence but I
wasn’t having it.
Me: “So ungikhiphe endlin(You told me come outside) so I can hear you breathe?”
he didn’t laugh this time so something was up “Why are you here Hlangalezwe?”
Hlanga: “I don’t know.” Okay so I will shut up ke nam. I hadn’t seen his handsome
self in months anyways. We sat for a while, he had his head on the steering
wheel. I think he had dosed off.
Me: “Please go home, it is clear you didn’t sleep.”
Hlanga: “Okay. I will see later than.”
Me: “No you wont my aunt is around and I do not want to step on her toes. She is
not in a good mood since she found out my cousin is pregnant.”
Hlanga: “Your aunt will be strong, I am seeing you later.”
Me: “If you want me dead uzoza ke(you'll come).” I got out of his nice car “Bye.” I
left him. I cleaned and did some washing and made breakfast for Aya and I and
we had it over music channels.
Aya: “Tee can I play Candy Crush before mama comes back.” I gave it to her.
Hlanga gave me a contract phone. I get airtime and data every month. I hardly use
the airtime unless I was returning his missed calls and I only chat to him while I
am at school so the data hardly got finished as well. So I downloaded games for
Aya and I to play. After some time we heard aunty Thembeka’s car get in the gate.
Me: “Aya go hide the phone. They are back.” I stood up with my food and went to
the kitchen. I finished it up there and washed my plate. My aunt hated seeing me
sitting down, so sometimes I acted busy so she wont have reasons to shout at me.
They got in.
Me: “Aunty nginenzele ukudla.” (,Should I make you food?)
A.T: “Cha si right. Sidlile la sibuya khona.”(We have already eaten from where we
come from.) I nodded and I disappeared to the room. I knew Snothi was going to
spill the details later. I went to take a bath and wore my simple and old short
black dress and slops, it was summer so I got away with the look. I decided to
cook lunch for us. I cooked fried chicken with stiff pap and chakalaka.
Snothi: “Qeda mzala.” It smells so good. I laughed.
Me: “I am almost done.” She looked lighter than her normal skin tone. Pregnancy
loved her. “So how did it go?” she sat down and took one of the pieces that I had
already fried
Snothi: “Yoh mzala! Themba’s father was so pissed at first and Themba was
nowhere to be found. We had to wait until he came. They asked him if he knows
me and he didn’t deny me luckily. When they asked him about my pregnancy
yey!! He was so hesitant at first but he eventually admitted to being responsible
so all is well I guess.”
Me: “At least she will have a father.” She smiled
Snothi: “I am hoping for a boy to take Themba’s hot looks.” She wasn’t lying he
was hot.
Me: “His looks but not his brain please.” we laughed.
Snothi: “I still love him yaz mzala.” They broke up after she chose to keep the
baby. Themba was an idiot.
Me: “Its understandable. Feelings don’t just disappear.” I ended up dishing up for
her because she was on her 2nd piece. I dished up for everyone and I served
them. We ate and I cleaned up after everyone had eaten. While I was washing
dishes my aunt called me
Me: “Aunt!” I said walking to the lounge “Nele.” It was Hlanga sister. What was
she doing here?
A.N: “Your friend is here.” she said with her usual tone of voice, which was an
annoyed voice.
Me: “Lets go outside.” We went out. “How did you know I live here?”
Nele: “Bhuti said I must come and call you.” Really? I told that guy not to come
Me: “Let me finish the dishes first.” she came in with me. I finished up and we
went out using the kitchen door. “How have you been?”
Nele: “I am good. I have been asking ubhuti to give me your number so we can
talk but akafuni.”(He doesn't want to)
Me: “Yindaba engafuni?”
Nele: “Angaz nam.” We got to the car
Hlanga: “Get in.” we did as told. I took the front seat and Nele took the back seat.
He drove away.
Me: “Where are you taking me? I cant just disappear.”
Hlanga: “Ma wants to see you.”
Me: “Haibo why?”
Nele: “Really bhuti? I asked for her number and you refused but when uma wants
to see her siyamlanda.”(We got to fetch her)
Hlanga: “Banele nangu uThingo ask for her number yourself.” I really didn’t know
my number off by heart. I had no one to give it to. Can I just say I was enjoying the
attention these people were giving me, It was foreign to me but I loved it. We got
to his beautiful home. Can I remind you guys I was still in my short dress and I felt
weird?
Me: “I don’t know my number off by heart babe but uHlanga will send me yours.”
She nodded and got out the car.
Hlanga: “No I wont.”
Me: “I wasn’t asking.” He laughed. It was his words.
Hlanga: “Good one. Asambe nkosazane.” (Lets go princess) When he called me
that I don’t know my insides twitched. I got out of the car and he gave me his
hand to hold and we went in the house.
HLANGA
Ma: “Thingo ntombi yam.(My girl)” She went up to hug her and she had the
biggest smile on her face.
Thingo: “Ninjani ma?”(How are you going ma?) she smiled back
Ma: “Siyaphila ntombi. Lokhu sakungcina lokhuya.”(We are good. We haven't
seen you in a while.)
Me: “Haibo kanti uban owazi uThingo yimi or yini?”(Who knows Thingo me or
you?)
Ma: “Mxm!! Awume.” They went to sit down in the lounge and I was left out. You
are probably asking what the hell is wrong with me. It is obvious that I like Thingo
she is a chilled person. Doesn’t ask a lot of questions or tries to force things. If it
were most girls they would’ve asked what are we doing by now or where is this
going? All those questions that a person doesn’t need. As for coming home right
after she mentioned having a boyfriend well that was pure impulse. I just got
pissed at the mention of that. I mean why wasn’t she considering me if she
wanted one or am I not good enough? All those things came to mind when I was
driving home and I was so frustrated. I understood Thingo was a beautiful dark
girl, with a perfect body and she had the brains as well, anyone would want her.
But she wasn’t someone you dated, she was someone you took home to your
mother. Everything about her was calming her sarcasm and even the way her “s”
sounded when she spoke was sexy.
Lonhle: “What are you thinking about? uMa is busy spilling all the dirt on you that
side.”
Me: “Really?” I went to the lounge where they were sitting.
Thingo: “Ncooh he looked so cute.” Ma had taken out my old photo album. She
really liked her. She was the first thing she asked me when I got home. Maybe it
was the fact that I had never bought a girl home before.
Ma: “He was a problem child this one don’t be fooled by the cuteness.” They
laughed
Thingo: “I can imagine.”
Me: “Okay enough. Ma I have to take Thingo back home now.”
Ma: “Okay. Thingo you must come with me to church on Sunday.”
Thingo: “I would love to ma.” They hugged again. And we left. “What you did was
wrong.”
Me: “I told you I will come back later.”
Thingo: “I said don’t come. You will get me in trouble Hlanga.” She was really
scared of her aunt.
Me: “I am sorry, my mother wouldn’t stop pestering me.” I wasn’t lying, my
mother was so fixcated about Thingo.
Thingo: “I like your mother. She should come visit me not you.” I laughed and she
joined me. One thing I noticed about her is she always laughed after I laughed.
Me: “What’s wrong with me?” I had to find out what she thought of me.
Thingo: “You are a bad influence. You make me disrespect my aunt in her own
house.” That’s not what I wanted to hear.
Me: “And your boyfriend doesn’t?”
Thingo: “No he doesn’t. He is good for me.”
Me: "Really? How so?”
Thingo: “Well firstly he understands that no means no. And he doesn’t use his
younger sister to get me out the house.” I hate that boy already.
Me: “Oh okay. What does he do?”
Thingo: “…” she laughed. “If he existed I would know.” That was a relief “So you
believed that I had a boyfriend?”
Me: “Who would be dumb not to. Have you seen yourself?”
Thingo: “Lets pretend I haven’t”
Me: “Okay. Lets just say you make it hard for a man to think with his brain.” She
laughed
Thingo: “Nicely put Dr Mthethwa.” I laughed at that. “I am home now.”
Me: “I am around until after Christmas so I will be seeing you.”
Thingo: “I have accepted that you don’t have manners so okay.” She got out and
went in the yard. Her ass and thick thighs were my weakness.
======
Sunday came with me only speaking to Thingo on the phone since her uncle was
also back from wherever. I needed to get her out of that life. If she wasn’t
cooking, cleaning or washing laundry she was in the house because her aunt was
around. Those were signs of strict parents or abuse. She was a teenager and
people her age were busy partying their lives away since it was December but not
her she was house bound. She had become a part of my routine if we weren’t on
the phone we were texting.
Ma: “Hlanga I hope you have good intentions with Thingo otherwise people who
know what they want will snatch her.”
Me: “Haibo ma, uThingo ungenaphi lana?”(How does Thingo fit into this?) I had
just literally sat down for breakfast. It was too early for a serious conversation.
Ma: “I am just saying. You need to be serious and think about what you want.”
She had point but I loved my life the way it was and as much as Thingo didn’t
complicate it. If I initiated anything she would no doubt.
Me: “What if its not Thingo?” deep down I knew that was a lie.
Lonhle: “Than awazi ufunani?”
Nele: “Mina I will disown you.” My dad just laughed and they all seemed serious.
Ma: “Cela ungangcasuli ngeSonto ekseni Hlangalezwe(Please don't piss me off on
a Sunday morning). Go fetch her, I will be ready by the time you get back.” My
mother didn't care about me anymore, somehow our conversation had to involve
Thingo.
Me: “Nele asambe.” We stood up and we left. “Is that what you wearing to
church?” she nodded.
Nele: “Is there something wrong with my outfit?”
Me: “Of course not. I want Thingo’s parents to believe her when you go in there
and say you are taking her to church.” She nodded. We arrived and she got out.
After some time they came out. He was wearing a nice tight-fit denim dress with a
zip in front and with nice sandals. That dress showed of her curveous pear-shaped
body. The thoughts in my head were so sinful for a Sunday.
Thingo: “Morning.”
Me: “Unjan nkosazane?”
Thingo: “I am good. Are you not coming to church with us?”
Me: “Not today.” I wasn’t a church goer. I didn’t have a reason.
Thingo: “Well next time you are and I am not asking.” I shook my head. She was
stubborn no doubt. We got home and my mother was ready like she said she
would, I drove them to church and I went back home. As I was playing my
playstation I was thinking about how Christmas was just days away and I had to
leave and go back to work. I had to have a serious conversation with Thingo. Her
mentioning a boyfriend, woke me up and I'd like to disagree with my mother but
the woman is right, she's always been for as long as I can remember so if she felt
Thingo was good for me then I needed to at least consider it. Nele called for me to
come fetch them and I drove to fetch them. Ma and Thingo cooked lunch while
Nele helped with the conversation. My sister was lazy as we were. We ate lunch
while conversing, I must say they outdid themselves. Thingo was a free-spirit I
didn’t understand how she was a loner but I guess, people had different tastes.
After lunch I drove us to the beach. We sat there with neither of us talking just
listening to the waves.
Me: “Thingo.”
Thingo: “Mmmh.”
Me: “It bothers me when you talk about another man.” She laughed and looked
at me and saw my straight-face.
Thingo: “Oh okay. I thought I could talk about anything with you.”
Me: “Of course you can just not another man.” She nodded “What do you think of
me?” I have never cared about what another person thought of me until her.
“Please be honest.”
Thingo: “You are a closed off person Hlanga but a good listener. I am not one to
force you to open up when you are not comfortable with it. You are a good
person I mean you are a doctor and in the army as well so basically your life is
about service to the people. But it shouldn’t matter what I think of you. You live
with yourself everyday and if you are happy with yourself than that’s good.” I
wanted to kiss her. No one has ever said something to me that made so much
sense before “I think we should go.”
Me: “Okay.” She stood up and I followed her to the car. I drove her home. “I will
take you out the day before I leave again.”
Thingo: “Can I bring my cousins?”
Me: “Even the pregnant one?” she nodded with a smile. “Okay. Umuhle Thingo
lwam.” She blushed. She looked cute her afro was just adding to the cuteness.
Thingo: “Thank you. Bring Nele as well.” I nodded. I really didn’t mind. She got out
and I drove off.
=======
Me: “Nele hurry up or I am leaving without you.” I shouted at my sister who had
been getting ready for the past hour. The day I was taking them out had finally
come.
Nele: “Okay bhuti I am all done. Let’s hit the road.” We got in my car and drove to
Thingo’s house. I called and told her we are outside. “So whats the plan for the
day?”
Me: “I don’t know, we’ll hear when Thingo gets here.” She nodded and carried on
with her phone and after sometime Thingo and her cousins came out making
their way to my car. Nele was already sitting at the back so the cousins also took
the backseat and Thingo took the front seat and we were good to go.
Them: “Sanibonani.”
Us: “Ninjany?”
Them: “We are good.”
Me: “So what is the plan nkosazane?” I was looking at Thingo now. She was a real
dark beauty.
Thingo: “We are taking Aya to the beach, she doesn’t know Durban beaches and
whatever the other ladies feel like doing.” She looked at Nele “What do you want
us to do?”
Nele: “Can we please go shopping bhuti baba gave me money.”
Me: “Okay, I think we have us a plan ke.”
Thingo: “What do you want us to do?”
Me: “Cinnabon please.” She laughed.
Thingo: “I knew you liked it.” We laughed and I did like it.
Me: “I never said I didn’t.” I looked at her “I was just sceptical, me and sugary
things don’t mix.”
Thingo: “I am glad you liked it because I love it.” She wasn’t lying she had like 3 of
those buns.
Me: “You don’t have to tell me.” She just giggled and I shook my head smiling. We
had arrived in Durban and it was buzzing. It was the holiday season no doubt. I
drove us to Ushaka Marine World. I bought everyone swimwear. They went to
change and we enjoyed the waves until the pregnant girl said she was hungry. We
went to change back to our clothes and we went to Gateway mall, my sister’s idea
of course.
Thingo: “Thank you so much for doing this. You really made Aya’s day.” This was
about making her happy...
Me: “I am happy to hear that. What about your day?” she giggled
Thingo: “After cinnabon, than you can ask me that.” I chuckled.
Me: “Okay. So what do you feel like eating Snothi?”
Aya: “Anything with chicken bhuti, she is sorted.” We laughed
Snothi: “Hawu come on guys, I am not that bad.” She was a bit embarrassed
Me: “Dont let them get to you, you can have all the chicken in world.”
Snothi: “Thank you bhuti.”
Thingo: “I guess I should also start calling you bhuti, I feel left out now.” I laughed,
I wasn’t expecting that and hell naw!! next thing I am her brother for life. Me on
the family-zone never!!
Me: “Please don’t, it will be weird.” She nodded. We were now seated at spur.
Aya: “I don’t know what I am going to have Tee. Please order for me.”
Thingo: “Okay baby.” She took the menu and studied it. “What are you guys
having?” she was looking at Nele and I “We all know what Snothi wants.” Snothi
giggled.
Nele: “I want their basted buffalo wings.”
Me: “I will have their t-bone steak.” She nodded
Thingo: “Our waiter should come now, I think we are all ready to place our order.”
Aya: “What are we having Tee?”
Thingo: “You and I will stuff ourselves with ribs, are you okay with that?” she
nodded looking excited. Their bond was really obvious. Thingo even had her as
her display picture on whatsapp. Our waiter came and took our order and bought
our drinks while we waited. I sat while I listened to the conversation. I needed to
be rescued no lie but Thingo looked happy and that’s all I needed. Our food came
and we dug in. After spur the shopping happened. My sister took us to every
store.
Me: “Don’t you guys need anything?” I was looking at Thingo and her cousins.
Snothi: “I could use a few dresses with the weight I am gaining.”
Me: “Go try them on then.” She jumped with excitement. “And you guys?”
Thingo: “You have already done so much for us and buying for Snothi as well its
too much Hlanga.”
Me: “Thingo I don’t want to argue with you about this. Shop for you and Aya and
call me when its time to pay.” She obeyed. After what felt like forever we were
done. We went to indulge at cinnabon. “Are you happy now?” she gave me her
gorgeous smile and I couldn’t help but smile as well.
Thingo: “Day made thank you so much Nyambose.” I just melted, any person
would have. I chuckled
Me: “Than my job here is done.” She giggled and I just smiled. This girl really had
an effect on me. All in all it was a good day. I drove them back home.
Aya: “Bhuti thank you so much for today, you really made my day.”
Snothi: “Me too bhuti.”
Me: “I am glad. Take care of yourselves okay.” They nodded and left
Nele: “Tee we don’t have to see each other only when bhuti Hlanga is around you
know.”
Thingo: “I know. We’ll talk on whatsapp.” She nodded
Me: “Banele get in the car, I need to speak to Thingo.” She did as told. “KaMfeka
by the time you wake up tomorrow I will be long gone.”
Thingo: “You leave early in the morning?” I nodded. The light in her eyes went
dark. Goodbyes are not her thing clearly. “Okay. Travel safely and tell me when
you get there.”
Me: “Okay I will.” I sighed “Please look at me” she shook her head no. “Please
take this and use however you feel its necessary.” She looked up, I was holding
my bank card.
Thingo: “Hlanga no!” she said in her stern voice “This is getting weird now.” How,
I didn’t get it.
Me: “Its just a bank card Thingo. I know things are tough for you, I thought maybe
you’ll open up to me and ask for my help. You have your reasons and I respect
that. But I wont let you suffer where as I can help. If I could do more I would.” I
wiped her tears. “You don’t have to use it but I will be at ease knowing you have it
for emergencies.”
Thingo: “Forgive me for my tears. No one has showed me so much kindness in a
long time. I don’t know what to do or how to accept it.” I pulled her in hug. “How
can I thank you?”
Me: “Pass your matric and come and join me in Joburg.”
Thingo: “Okay.” I handed her the card and she took it with so much hesitation.
“Thank you.”
Me: “You are welcome.”
Thingo: “Uhambe kahle.”(Travel safely)
Me: “Thank you. Take care Thingo lwam, I will see you soon.”
Thingo: “Okay.” we hugged for the longest time and I kissed her forehead, Banele
and I drove back home. I wasn't myself that day, leaving her was suddenly a hard
thing to do.

»05«
NQOBANI
"You worthless piece of shit!!" My father shouted, the whole of Nongoma heard
him for sure. "All you do is demand money and lose children." My mother cried
louder than before. "Baba please stop, you are hurting her." That was me and I
woke up. Worst time to be having such dreams. I got up and went to wear my
sweat pants, hoodie and sneakers and I took a jog. I wish those dreams were just
that dreams but they were memories, memories I didn't want to remember. After
my jog I felt better and I was guaranteed an okay day. That happened whenever I
didn't drink myself to sleep.
Voice: "You are back." I totally forgot about her
Me: "Morning beautiful Zoe."
Zoe: "Morning." We kissed "How was the jog?"
Me: "The best."
Zoe: "I am making coffee, you want some?"
Me: "No I'll have a protein shake instead." And I started making it.
Zoe: "Last night was amazing of course." She kissed me "But Clive we've been
doing this for a month now and there are no labels to this." I hated this part of a
hook up
Me: "Baby I told you that my life doesn't allow me to have a stable relationship.
Tomorrow I could be deployed and be back next and I can't expect you to wait for
me."
Zoe: "I know that Clive and I thought maybe I could handle it but I really like you
alot and you like me. Lets at least try."
Me: "You are amazing Zokuthula and I enjoy spending time with you but I am not
looking for a girlfriend."
Zoe: "Okay I understand. I'll go fetch my things, I can't hook up forever." I'd say I
was hurt but I wasn't, it was for the best. I wasn't going to give her what she
wanted.
Me: "Let me drive you home."
Zoe: "I already called a cab."
Me: "Cancel it. I am taking you home."
Zoe: "Okay." We went to my car and I drove her to her place "I wish things didnt
end like this."
Me: "I am available whenever you need a good time, its a relationship I am not
available for."
Zoe: "You mean to tell me I can just call you for a dickpointment?" I laughed, was
that even a thing?
Me: "Of course. Like I said I like spending time with you."
Zoe: "Okay. Thanks for the ride."
Me: "Which ride?" We laughed
Zoe: "Both" we laughed. She was crazy and that's why I liked her "I'll see you
around Clive, take care of yourself."
Me: "You too baby." We baby kissed and she got out of my car. I drove back home
and I prepared for work. Works was the same, nothing hectic happened. It was
Friday and I drove home to Soweto. One thing I took from baba before he died
was as much as he was a hitman, yes Bab’ Mdluli killed people for a living. He was
hired mostly by politicians and taxi owners. He knew he was a bad man and he
isolated himself from everyone for such reasons but like I said he might have done
terrible things but to my mother and I and also my sisters he was something else
because he made time for us. We had so many family activities we would
sometimes be bored to death. After he died I vowed that I will keep those
traditions alive not for him but for Sne to not fill the void of losing both parents.
That is why today I am going to home so we can plan an outing for Sne. When I
got home I found my younger sisters and Gog' Lilly ironing our laundry.
Me: “Sanibona ma.”
Gog' Lilly: “Yebo, yaz bengithi usuwathutha.” (I thought you have moved out) I
laughed, she was always so dramatic. I make sure I spent my weekends at home
but being back at work, I hadn’t been able to.
Me: “Hawu ma its only been two weeks. Banjan ekhaya?” (How's the family back
home?) she stayed with us and month end travelled back home in KZN.
Gog' Lilly: “Bayaphila even though they are giving my mother blood pressure.”
She had three teenage daughters, I feel her pain I have Nolwazi and Sne and I am
ready to kill them every day.
Me: “I am sorry to hear that. You should bring them to visit just to relieve her
from the stress.”
Gog' Lilly: “Hayi Nqobani they are my problem. Don’t worry about it.”
Me: “Ma I worry, if you are stressed it affects your job and I know how much you
need it. So bring them during school holidays.”
Gog' Lilly: “Okay I will have a talk with them.” I nodded. I went inside the house to
blasting sound system. I went to the main switch and pulled it down. They didn’t
even see me come in.
Me: “Young one and little one.” They smiled
Them: “Bhutiza!!” Sne ran for a hug. Nolwazi was too old I guess.
Nolwazi: “Put the switch back up, we will turn the volume down.”
Me: “Please! I cant even hear myself think.” I switched it up and they turned the
volume down. “So what are we eating?”
Sne: “uLwazi made me a sandwich, Gog' lilly is cooking dinner.”
Me: “After doing your laundry? Hayi hayi Nolwazi stop being lazy.” I got up and
took my car keys “Asambeni, we having take outs, I am lazy to cook as well.”
Nolwazi: “And you are judging me, mxm!!”
Me: “Let me remind you that I work. Whats your excuse? And don’t tell me you
are a student ngoba schools are still closed.”
Nolwazi: “…”
Me: “Exactly!” we were driving to East gate mall. “So what do you feel like?”
Nolwazi: “Pasta please.”
Sne: “Pizza please bhutiza.”
Me: “Okay. We’ll order your pizza before we get Lwazi’s pasta. Do you think Cebo
will also want pasta?”
Nolwazi: “Yes she will.” I nodded we arrived at that mall and did everything we
came for. I bought nandos chicken for Gog' lilly and we went back home.
Me: “So what are we doing this weekend?”
Nolwazi: “Can we please go to SunCity, I crave it.”
Me: “What do you want Sne?”
Sne: “We can go to SunCity, I don’t mind.”
Me: “Okay lets wait for Cebo and we will book the necessary things.” We got at
home and Nolwazi dished up for everyone. We had dinner and still Cebo wasn’t
back.
Sne: “Bhutiza usisi is not coming back?”
Me: “I am also worried now, let me call her.” I called and it went straight to
voicemail. I tried her salon and they said she never came in and last place was the
hospital. I called the hospital where she worked and they said she was off shift. “I
don’t know who to call now.” I said defeated.
Nolwazi: “Maybe there’s a valid explanation, lets wait and see. Its still a bit early.”
I nodded and I went to take a beer from the fridge. Cebo always stocked it up for
me. We rented a movie on box office, whatever Sne chose. I wasn’t
concentrating, it was so unlike Cebo to just go MIA especially when it was the end
of the month. That’s when all the outing and family activities happened. During
the movie Nolwazi dosed off and Sne was also on the way.
Me: “Just go to sleep because you are too old to be carried to your beds.”
Sne: “Okay.” She said in her sleepy voice. I wasn’t planning to sleep until I knew
the whereabouts of Cebo. I was the one responsible for them now and it was all
on me. Sne woke Nolwazi up and they went to bed. In what felt like forever I got a
call to come to the hospital my sister has been admitted. I just went ballistic, how
did she end up there was the first question that came up to mind and how badly
injured was she. I drove like a maniac to Edenvale because that’s where the call
came from. I barged in and went straight to the receptionist and they told me her
room number. I wasn’t prepared for what I saw. My beautiful sister had a blue
eye and a busted lip. When she saw me she just cried. I ran to her so she could let
it all out on my chest. Nothing pained me more than having my sisters sad or
crying because I felt like I had failed to protect them. They were my all.
Me: “It is going to be okay.” She cried even harder. I kept on brushing her back
and hushing her and she eventually calmed down.
Cebo: “I am pregnant.” She broke the awkward silence in the room. I wasn’t
prepared for those news but she was beaten up that’s why she was in hospital
Me: “Pregnancy beat you up?” she shook her head with a little embarrassment.
“Who hurt you and my nephew? Were you attacked?” she giggled a bit.
Cebo: “Nephew huh?” I nodded with a smile and she smiled back. I couldn’t be
mad at her for being pregnant she was of the right age, had it been Nolwazi I was
going to murder her. “It all happened so fast Nqobani. My boyfriend did this to
me.” I didn’t even know she was dating, now she was pregnant.
Me: “Is he the father?” she nodded “Where can I find him?” I was anything but
calm, the son of a bitch was gonna know me. Abuse was one thing I never
tolerated.
Cebo: “Nqobani please. Maybe I shouldn’t have told you.” She knew I was going
after him, I think my face said it all
Me: “Cebolihle if you don’t tell me, who are you going to tell? Are you actually
protecting that scumbag? He laid a hand on you, he crossed the line.” She sighed
and wiped her tears
Cebo: “Bhut, Tumisang is going through a lot. He lost his job a few months back
and has been struggling ever since. He started drinking and he developed a
temper out of it. He is not this man, he is just frustrated.” I couldn’t believe my
ears. These are the same excuses my mother used to make about my father and
we almost died and I am scarred for life. “I might have upsetted him somehow
because I have been nagging him about finding another job before he died of
alcohol poisoning.”
Me: “You know him better than I do but I still need to have a chat with him man
to man.” She studied my face “What?”
Cebo: “I know that face Nqobani, this time its different. He is not the boys I dated
in high school. He is a man in a tough situation and made a mistake. Need I
remind you, he is the father of my child as well.”
Me: “Cebolihle I am not going to sit back and watch and act like I understand
because I don’t. He touched you and you are now in hospital. You are pregnant
for God’s sakes, something worse could’ve happen.”
Cebo: “Bhuti I know and I am not condoning his behaviour.”
Me: “So where can I find him?”
Cebo: “He stays in Fourways.”
Me: “Text me the address.” She nodded “Now!” she took out her phone and
texted. I went to look at her chart and she had minor injuries but they were
keeping her overnight for observation. “I cant even be happy about your
pregnancy because of that scumbag nxx!” she giggled
Cebo: “I am so happy but scared at the same time.”
Me: “You will make a great mother. Look at how Nolwazi and Sne turned out.”
Cebo: “Weeeeh! Those spoilt brats.” We laughed because she wasn’t lying, they
were spoilt rotten and we liked it that way. “I am glad they turned out okay.”
Me: “Yeah, me too.” We sat in peaceful silence she was probably thinking at how
far we’ve come in life like I was. “They wanted to go to SunCity tomorrow but I
guess we can make it some other time.”
Cebo: “Oh hell no we are going, the minute they discharge me here. We had a
black Christmas with you working the whole of December.” I laughed.
Me: “Let me go book ke. I will see you when I fetch you.” We hugged and I left
and drove to Hlanga’s apartment. That scumbag was going to know me no doubt.
We all had problems but laying a hand on a woman was no answer and it
definitely didn’t solve the problem. I booked our rooms online and they
confirmed our reservation. I was parked outside his complex, the security knew
me since I was always there. I even had a key. I got there and I found him drinking
his life away something I understood perfectly.
Me: “Nyambose.”
Hlanga: “Uyazenzela kwami Bhungane. Yini ufunan?”(You do as you please at my
house, what do you want?) we chuckled at our idiocy
Me: “I need you to help me not beat someone to death, asambe.”
Hlanga: “Fill me in.” he stood up with his glass of cognac and we made our way to
my car. I narrated the whole story to him and he was pissed like I was which
fuelled me up even more. I needed Hlanga there so that he will stop me because
with my level of anger there was no telling what I was going to do to that idiot.
“He is going to know us. I sure will beat the cowardice out of him.” Indeed a man
who lays a hand on a woman is a coward. We got to the address that Cebo gave
me and it was a party. For a man who was unemployed and had no money he
sure as hell was spending it.
Me: “Which one of you is Tumisang?” a tall skinny yellow-bone man stood up. He
was a Mosotho no doubt. “Lets have a talk outside.” We got outside and Hlanga
and I didn’t waste time we charged for him kicks and fists.
Hlanga: “This will teach you never to lay your filthy hands on a woman.” He kicked
him hard. I joined him. He was groaning in pain.
Me: “If you lost your job you get up and find another one. You don’t mope around
and drink your life away. And you certainly don’t touch my sister.” A fist from
Hlanga followed.
Tumisang: “Im sorry.”
Me: “You should be apologising to your pregnant girlfriend.” He seemed shocked
by the news “You are pathetic nxa.”
Hlanga: “He is not worth it.” We left “I think this is his car, I have an idea.” A black
audi was parked with a personalised number plate “TUMISANG-GP”
Me: “Lets have some fun.” We slashed his tyres and broke his windows. He was
definitely going to pay maybe even stop drinking and use the money to fix the car
I thought to myself. We went to Hlanga’s place and we carried on with the
drinking. “We going to SunCity, wanna join?”
Hlanga: “Id love to but Lonhle and my parents are driving from KZN to see Lonhle
settle in at UP.”
Me: “I am sure he is excited to leave home.”
Hlanga: “You have no idea, he wanted to leave after getting his acceptance
email.” We laughed and carried on drinking until we passed out. Hlanga and I
were functioning alcoholics.
HLELO
Christmas holidays came and passed with not even a single text or a call from my
boyfriend. Bergville is my place of tranquility and peace but during that time I was
so sad and withdrawn from everything but I was a good actress in front of my
family because I honestly didn't know what to say about my situation. My mother
has always been my best friend before Emma and Namhla but I didn't know what
or how to tell her that my first ever boyfriend happened to be my IT teacher
because I knew from the start that it was wrong. It was the first day of my matric
year and I was in Mr James's class yet again for IT. We didn't do much that day
since a lot of admin things were still being handled.
Emma: "I missed you so much these holidays. Please take me to the Berg with you
next time." We laughed
Me: "I missed you too friend and I promise to next time." She has visited Bergville
a few times with us, she likes it there too. Namhla came with our food and we ate
Namhla: "Hle are you sure about the donuts." I wanted them as in yesterday. I
nodded as I took the biggest bite "They didn't have the sterri stumpie you wanted
so I bought a chocolate one instead
Me: "Ngyabonga oe. It actually goes well with the donuts." She also sat down and
they ate their salads. We were salad girls at school because of my diabetes and
also the fact that they were good. But I needed to have a talk with Melisizwe, he
had to explain himself for disappearing the whole of December "I am coming back
guys, please bring my bag in case I am not back before the bell rings."
Them: "Okay." I went straight to his office
Me: "We need to talk."
Meli: "I have consultation hours as you know Miss Gumede and in case you forgot
they are plugged on my notice board." What?
Me: "Meli what fuck is going on?"
Meli: "You will refrain from calling me by my first name Miss Gumede we are not
peers. Now leave my office and like I said, consultation hours are on my notice
board." He pushed me out of his office and I was left astonished and hurt but it
was hurt mostly. Was he still mad at me for nagging him but I apologized
countless times even though he didn't reply to them but I did apologize. He
should've been over it by now. I went back to my friends just as the bell for end of
break rang and we went to IT class.
Emma: "Hle you are crying. Are you okay?" I didn't even realize, I was so lost. He
was right in front of me and I couldn't do anything about it.
Me: "I am okay. My eyes are just misbehaving lately." I hated lying to her but at
the moment I didn't need judgement from anyone
Emma: "You hardly wear your spectacles though friend."
Me: "Let me find them" and I looked in my bag and wore them.
Namhla: "So tell me how's Lakhe doing, has he said anything about me?" She was
so excited and her energy drained me.
Me: "Hay Namhla. Lakhe is not a topic we are going to have and what happened
to uhm..." I was thinking of her boyfriend's name, Namhla was always dating and I
couldn't keep with her boyfriends
Emma: "Senzo?"
Namhla: "Oh you mean Enzo? Hayi loyo guys we broke up during exams last year
and that's when Lakhe came into the picture."
Me: "You are dating my brother now Namhla ?" She gave me a nod while smiling.
Wooh ngeke!!
Namhla: "We've been hooking up since last year."
Emma: "You've already gave it up after Enzo? Nam Nam ngeke!" She clapped her
hands. We all knew she wasn't a virgin actually none of my friends were, I was the
last one standing before Melisizwe.
Namhla: "What Emmzz!!! Lakhe was so convincing, 90 days is a long time." She
was smiling this whole time. My brother was a smooth talker clearly or Namhla
was just easy. My friend was your Triple B girl which was Beauty, Body and Brains.
Everyone wanted her and she had a problem with the word no because she has
already dated half of the soccer team.
Me: "I honestly have nothing to say. Please don't involve me with whatever you
doing with Masilakhe." I may have disappointed her with that but I wasn't in the
mood plus whatever they were doing its wasn't going to last, I would bet my life
on it. Melisizwe didn't pay attention to me that whole lesson, forget the endless
harassing of his it was things of the past now. I was so broken because I loved him
so much. That night, I texted him once again and I poured my heart out from the
day he expressed his love for me to the point of him being my first and how I
don't regret it. I also asked for forgiveness on the way I didn't appreciate him
trying.
======
I wish I could say my 3 pages text changed things but instead the guy blocked me,
at this point I also saw I was being desperate and I needed to hold on to the little
dignity I had left and be quiet for a while. I woke up the next morning and
vomited like I had been doing for the past month. My body was changing so much
and I didn't understand why.
Mamazi: "Gugulethu I am going to ask you this and I will ask once so I'd suggest
you don't lie to me." She was stern and I just nodded “Gugulethu are you
pregnant?” she asked in a commanding voice. Whenever she calls me by my
second name, shit has hit the fan.
Me: “No mamazi.” I said convincingly.
Mamazi: “Explain this to me.” She threw all the pads and tampons I hadn't used
"These are from December, these are for January and the ones I have now are for
now, February. What happened to your period?" I was screwed
Me: "Mamazi, Dr Meyers changed my insulin again and she said I'll be
experiencing a lot of body changes and my period is one of them." My mother
chose to laugh
Mamazi: "Ngyakbona ucabanga ukuth ngzalwe izolo."(You think I was born
yesterday) "I wish you had told me the truth because I was going to be able to
help you. You'll deal with your father. You have been showing signs of a pregnant
person the past 2 months but mntanam unoshukela.” (My child is diabetic) she
left all the pads on my bed and I got ready for school. The truth was I also
suspected pregnancy. I was vomiting non-stop and I was sensitive to certain
smells. I also couldn’t get over the tuck-shop donuts at school. The only thing I
had to do was confirm it. My life had been such a mess, things between Melisizwe
and I were so, I don’t even have a word to describe it because we went to from
this loving and happy couple to him rejecting my calls and texts. Don’t get me
started about things at school its like I don’t even exist. Before I knew it was after
school and it was home time for me. I needed a male perspective about the
situation I had found myself in.
Me: "Bhuti."
Lakhe: “Ufunan Hlehle?” I laughed.
Me: “What gave you the idea that I want something?”
Lakhe: “Whenever you call me bhuti, you always ask for something after.” He
knew me too well I suppose.
Me: “For a change, I came with good intentions. Are you good?”
Lakhe: “I am great actually. I got a gig this weekend at some 21st party.”
Me: “Wow that’s great.” My brother was an artist, the whole package I tell you.
He could sing, dance and was also into beats. He handled anything music and
sound at school. “Let me listen to your set.”
Lakhe: “Sure thing” he said with so much excitement. Lakhe was a happy person
generally just like mamazi. You couldn’t help but like him, and I understood why
girls threw themselves at him. Not forgetting that he was my father’s son with his
chocolate brown skin, an athlete’s body since he was a soccer player and a cross
country runner. Its not all good things about my brother hay. He never
understood the word no, which made him entitled but I loved him nonetheless.
We sat in his room and listened to his set and I must say, my brother was a good
dj. “Are you sure you good? Normally you’d be dancing like a crazy person.”
Me: “Honestly Lakhe I am not.”
Lakhe: “Talk to me princess.” He had a worried look. My brothers were
overprotective of us especially Alime. He didn’t even want a boy next to me at
school whereas Lakhe was a bit understanding, it was so annoying sometimes.
Me: “I don’t even know how to put it because I don’t know what is happening.” I
started crying, it was all too much guys. I loved Melisizwe and what he was doing
to me made it hard to even breathe sometimes. The pain was also physical, it had
gotten to that point.
Lakhe: “Just tell me everything even if it doesn’t make sense.” He hushed me “We
will figure whatever this is out.” I nodded. His deep voice was so assuring “You
know I love you right?” I giggled
Me: “I love you too.”
Lakhe: “Now talk to your big brother.” Can I remind you that he was only a year
older but you wouldn’t say with the way him and his better half treated me.
Me: “I think my boyfriend has lost interest in me. I thought we were happy and
next thing its like I never existed to him.” His face changed
Lakhe: “Gugulethu, you have a boyfriend!” he shouted “Who is he?” I couldn’t tell
him he was my IT teacher
Me: “Lakhe please. This is about me, why doesn’t he love me anymore. Is there
something wrong with me?” I started sobbing again, I couldn’t help it. If Melisizwe
wanted to end things why didn’t he be a man about it and end it than to have me
here all depressed with a million unanswered questions.
Lakhe: “Hey, hey there is nothing wrong with you. You are perfect, Zusakhe and
Qophelo raised a princess.” We were now sitting on his bed with our backs on the
continental pillows. “He is the idiot, he doesn’t know what he is missing out on.”
He said with a smile. I didn’t believe him though, he was my brother and he loved
me so he had good things to say about me. “So tell me about your relationship
with …?” he raised his bushy eyebrows.
Me: “Melisizwe.”
Lakhe: “What a name. Besides the fact that he is hurting my favourite girl, I
already don’t like him from his name.” I laughed, he always knew how to cheer
me up. I narrated our entire relationship leaving out certain details especially
those that would scream out the fact he was my teacher. “You are so sneaky
though, the library really?” he chuckled “The way I see it baby sis, he was never
going to stay. You never went out in public. Come on that’s screams side chick.” I
couldn’t believe my ears, how come I never saw right through him.
Me: “I have to go. Thanks for the talk.” I left his room in a hurry. I needed to be
alone. After some time mamazi came to wake me up, I must have fallen asleep.
Mamazi: “Hey baby.” She looked at me. I think she was just waiting for me to tell
her that I was pregnant. “You have been crying Hlehle, is everything okay?” my
mother and I spoke about everything guys and it killed me that I couldn’t talk to
her at the time I needed her the most. I was also ashamed, I disappointed her, I
mean my teacher out of all people.
Me: “I am fine mamazi. Namhla and I are fighting so yeah.”
Mamazi: “Oh Hlehle I’m sorry, I hope you kiss and make up.” I nodded “Come
dinner is ready so you can take your shot.” I got up and went to rinse my mouth in
the bathroom and followed her downstairs. We were having pork chops for
dinner, my favourite but that day they weren’t. The smell everything about them.
Me: “Can I have a sandwich instead mamazi.”
Mamazi: “Okay sit down and I will go make it quick, quick.”
Baba: “MaMnguni is everything okay? We all know you love pork chops.”
Me: “I don’t feel like meat today baba.” He nodded and carried on eating. Dinner
was loud and filled with laughter like always at home but I wasn’t there. Mamazi
gave me my sandwich and I enjoyed it so much. After dinner we did our
homework and went to bed.
======
One thing about myself was that I hated being in the unknown and I could never
let things go until I fully understood what was happening. It was clear that my
relationship with Meli was over but I still needed to know why and what I did
wrong so I can improve. Closure that’s what most people would call it. I needed it
so I could never find myself in that situation again. So that is why I was going to
hunt Melisizwe James down at school and confront him.
Emma: “Friend you have been distant lately, are you sure you are fine?”
Me: “I am perfect babe.” We were sitting at our chill spot and Namhla was with
her boyfriend some guy in Alime’s class, I did say her relationship with my brother
wouldn't last. One thing about me was, I was a perfect actor, I could hide all my
emotions except from one person. “Look Emzz I need to be somewhere. Are you
going to be fine alone?”
Emma: “I have been on my phone the whole time and you didn’t even notice
because you are so far away.”
Me: “I am coming back.” I chose to ignore her. I went to stalk Meli. I stood outside
his office and waited until the end of break came. I was coming back, I wasn’t
giving up. Just as I was about to walk away he came out with some girl all smiles
and happy. Pissed was an understatement I walked over to him “Can we talk?”
Meli: “Go to class Miss Chonco.” She nodded smiling hehe, I couldn’t believe my
eyes “Whats your fucken problem Hlelo?”
Me: “You wont respond to any of my texts or calls so yes I will personally come to
you. Melisizwe whats happening between us?”
Meli: “Hlelo that’s the thing what we had was good while it lasted but it was
never going to last. I am your teacher and I need to be a responsible adult now.” I
think my ears were deceiving me. He was using my words for himself now.
Me: “So you are ending this?”
Meli: “Unless you want me to spell it out for you.”
Me: “No I am good.” I slapped the shit out of his yellow-bone ass. He never
expected it and it was a hot one I made sure “I hate you.” I left his office and I was
already late for class so I didn’t bother going. I went to cry my eye balls out in the
bathroom until it was home time. I went back to his office, I need to just let
everything out that day.
Me: "Melisizwe I am pregnant."
Meli: "Dammit!! Haven't you heard of contraception?" He took out a few notes
from his wallet and threw them at me "I suggest you kill that thing and die with it.
You and I never happened Hlelo. Now leave my office!!!" As I was about to walk
out "Oh Miss Jacobs thank you for coming to see me." And the girl smiled like an
idiot
Miss jacobs: "I hope I am not in trouble sir." I left. I was so confused, I thought the
fact that I was pregnant was maybe going to bring us closer and we'll talk like we
used to.
Emma: “I have been your carrier the whole day. Mngan whats up? You are not
fine.” She looked concerned while handing me my school bag.
Me: “Emma Miller I love you, you are my day one. I promise when I am ready to
talk, you will be the first person I come to.”
Emma: “Promise?”
Me: “And I hope to die.” We giggled
Emma: “I love you too Hle.” And she gave me a hug. My white friend was so
adorable though.
Me: “Thanks for my bag. I will see you tomorrow baba is here already”
Emma: “Let me go and greet him, Tony is late yet again.” She called her father by
name. I never understood it. We walked to the car “Hello baba unjany?” obviously
her accent was of a white person
Baba: “Siyaphila Baphiwe, unjan wena?” yeah my dad gave Emma the name
Baphiwe and she loves it. He said he felt blessed to have her in our family since
we were friends since we were in diapers and then he added that Baphiwe
oGumede. It was touching really on how he saw things. He was right I was nothing
without my brunette.
Emma: “Ngyaphila nam.” My white best friend had an identity crisis guys. She
really believed she was black and my dad didn’t help with giving her a Zulu name.
Me: “Okay! Bye Baphiwe Miller and greet Tony for me.”
Emma: “Bye babe and I will.” I got in the car and drove off.
Baba: “How is my baby doing today?”
Me: “I am good.”
Baba: “Gugulethu you know I am lie-detector. Are you going to tell me what’s
wrong or?” that’s the one person I could never lie to. He knew me like the back of
his hand. I got emotional again at the thought of the mess my life was.
Me: “I think I am pregnant.” He hit the brake hard and that caused me to hit the
dashboard. He looked at me hard and carried on driving.
Baba: “Get out of my car Hlelo.” He was angry his tone of voice said it all and the
fact that I was Hlelo. I jumped out and ran to my room and he drove away. No
one was home yet my brothers had sports and the younger ones were I didn’t
even know. I carried on crying. “Hlelolwenkosi vuka!” his commanding voice woke
me up. I must have cried myself to sleep. I sat up on my bed. “You will drink this
whole bottle of water and you will test with all these HPT. And I will be waiting
here.” I didn’t wait for him to say anything further I jumped out of bed and took
the plastic and the 1l bottle of water and went to my bathroom. I peed on all 10
clearblue pregnancy tests and they all came back positive and 6-7 weeks
pregnant. I froze for a good hour, until baba came in and picked me up from the
bathroom floor. He cleaned up after me and left me to my thoughts.

»06«
HLELO
Mamazi: "What are the 7 Bs I have been preaching?" I didn’t even see her come in
and she was waiting for an answer
Me: "Books Before Boys Because Boys Bring Babies."
Mamazi: "Look at where we are now. You are pregnant Gugulethu? Baby you are
in matric, boys should be the least of your worries” Her voice was of
disappointment. “Baby you are 16, nawe umntwana kwawena(You are also a
child). How are you going to take care of another human being?” I tried to
answer, even my mouth moved but nothing came out. I knew nothing about
babies, and she was right I was barely grown myself. I depended on her for
literally everything. “I get it, you were curious but what happened to playing it
safe. There are diseases out there Hlelo. Diseases I cant even protect you from.”
Me: “Mamazi I am sorry. I failed you.”
Mamazi: “Hlelo I am so disappointed. Its like the things I have been saying to you
went out the window.” My mother was woman with a tap of tears. She cried
when she was happy, she cried when she was hurt. And that moment she was
teary as well. I had really failed her. My mother wasn’t strict, a bit controlling and
over-bearing but it was all from a good place. All she wanted from us was to be
happy kids. After sometime baba entered the room.
Baba: “You will tell me everything from the day he asked you out until today. I
mean every detail besides lamanyala owenzile.”(except for the disgraceful think
you did) He was so angry, I was scared because I had never seen him like that.
Mamazi: “Langelihle come on now is not the time to be dramatic. This can't be
easy for her.” she knew me better than anyone else.
Baba: “This is my house Zusakhe and your daughter disrespected me. So I will
speak to her however I feel its necessary.” The last thing I wanted was my parents
fighting because of me. So I narrated the story. From the fact that he was my IT
teacher to the part where he told me he wanted to be a responsible adult and the
fact that he told me to die with the baby. By the time I got to the end of the story
I was crying on my mother’s chest.
Baba: "I am coming back. Nxa yerrr!!!" He went to our backyard and he screamed
so loud I am sure the whole golf estate heard him. I was so confused
Mamazi: "He needs to cool down." I just nodded while my mother wiped my tears
together with hers
Me: "Mamazi I am really sorry, I didn't mean for all of this to happen."
Mamazi: "I know baby."
Baba: "I don't know if I should beat you up or hug you right now." He had a
straight face. I didn't like this side of him.
Me: "You can do both. I know what I did was wrong babami."
Baba: "I can do both? Hehe" He laughed. "I am mad at you but he's the problem
right now. He should've known better." I nodded.
Mamazi: “Come lets go fix you something to eat.” We all went downstairs Mamazi
dished up for me. I ate with them staring at me with so much pity. When I was
done baba gave me my shot of insulin and they left me. I cleaned up after myself
and I went back to my room but I heard screams coming from my parents’ room
since it was next to mine.
Baba: “Zusakhe he took advantage of her!!!” He commanded and it was the one
from earlier
Mamazi: “I know but you need to calm down my love.” There was silence “Hlehle
is only 16 years old naive little girl Qwabe, she knew nothing about relationships
and how hard they are let alone sex. I don’t expect you to sit back. Hehe!! He
messed with the wrong family. Qwabe my daughter is broken because of that
monster. You will dig Mighty Phelo up wherever he is and you will unleash him.”
My mother sounded so angry and I on the other hand, I was so lost. It was clear
they were talking about Melisizwe and I but who is Mighty Phelo and how does he
fit in, in all of this? “I did everything Langelihle. I was there, I was an involved
parent. The last thing I want is for my girls to have issues because of men.” She
wasn’t lying, we were her first priority even on her depression days, she tried
really hard for us.
Baba: “It not your fault Phakade lam. Its his fault, he is psychopath clearly and he
takes advantage of young girls.” There was silence, I think they were kissing “Lets
focus on our daughter and let me go dig up Mighty Phelo and take this scumbag
down.”
Mamazi: “Okay. I love you myeni wam.”
Baba: “I love you so much more Phakade lam.” There was silence again. My
parents were goals kodwa.
Mamazi: “Qwabe there is man who took advantage of our daughter and wena you
are seducing me.” Baba chuckled “Lalela ke Mnguni. If Mighty Phelo succeeds, I
have a surprise for him.” She giggled
Baba: “I am listening.” Mamazi giggled even louder, was baba the Mighty Phelo
they were speaking about?
Mamazi: “Something to do with lace, hand cuffs and whips.” And my father
chuckled so loud. Oh my word my parents were kinky and I couldn’t listen
anymore. I went back to my room. My life had changed no doubt and it all
happened so fast.
=======
It had been a week since I've confirmed that I am pregnant and I had asked my
parents for space and not talk about it until I had fully accepted the way things
had changed for me. I hadn’t been to school since that day. It was Monday
morning and I was going back, I also had to ask my parents to do something for
me. I got out the shower and prepared myself like I always did. I put on winter
uniform and tied my relaxed hair into a neat bun and went downstairs for
breakfast. I found mamazi slaving herself in the kitchen like always and my
siblings together with baba seated around the table.
Me: “Morning family.”
Them: “Morning.”
Mamazi: “Are you sure you ready for school?” I nodded and sat down and ate the
shit out of the fruit salad.
Baba: “Kids Zweli will be here soon to take you to school. Gugulethu we have to
talk so you are riding with us.” I nodded again
Alime: “Are you ever going to tell us what’s wrong or should tickle it out of you?”
he likes tickling me and I hate it.
Me: “Please don’t, we’ll talk later.”
Alime: “Okay. I love you, you know that right?”
Elihle: “Hawu bhuti what about me?” my sister loved attention guys and she sure
got it
Twins: “We love you so much Sasa.” And she smiled.
Mamazi: “Kodwa Sasa this was Hlehle’s moment.”
Baba: “It’s a siblings’ matter MaDube ungayngeni.” (Don't get involved)
Mamazi: “Sengthule Qwabe.” (I am quiet) She lifted her hands in surrender and
Elihle just giggled, she looked so much like mamazi even her long eyelashes were
hers. After sometime Zweli entered. Zweli was our cousin from mamazi’s side but
he was more of a brother than a cousin.
Zweli: “AuntyMama, UncleDaddy oh and hey babies.” He laughed. We hated
being called babies
Mamazi: “Hey baby. Thank you for doing this.”
Zweli: “Anything for my siblings. Guys lets get going, we are late already.”
Alime: “At least you are the CEO.” Yeah He took over Khulu’s construction
company
Lakhe: “Which means you have your own working hours.” They were all getting
up and getting ready to leave.
Zweli: “Nope I don’t. As a boss I have to lead by example.”
Sibling: “Bye parents.”
Parents: “Bye babies.” They left
Me: “We should get going.” We stood up and left
Baba: “Gugulethu your mother and I were discussing on how we should handle
this whole situation.”
Me: “Okay.”
Mamazi: “Baby what your teacher did was wrong and it goes against the law. So
we were thinking of suing him for statutory rape.”
Me: “Mamazi but he didn’t force himself on me.”
Baba: “According to the law princess he did. You didn’t know any better but he
did.”
Me: “I don’t know. Can I get your permission to change classes? I don’t think I can
handle being in his class.”
Baba: “Of course princess anything you want. I will call the school.” He sighed
“Baby I am so sorry this is happening to you. I want you to know that I love you
and I am here for you.”
Me: “I love you too baba and thank you for understanding and not judging me.”
We were now parked outside school. I really didn’t think it will get this far, I mean
I wasn’t pressurized into doing anything or was I? I just wasn’t sure anymore.
Mamazi: “Keep strong and call me if you cant handle it.” I nodded while she
wiped my tears “Ngyakthanda MaMnguni.”
Me: “Ngyakthanda nam” we hugged and I went in the gates. That day was a drag
for me, from assembly to the 1st three periods of the day. Baba had called the
principal for permission so I could take IT with the other class. I was sad to leave
Namhla and Emma but it had to be done. After break I just couldn’t anymore. I
called mamazi to come and fetch me and she was there in no time. She signed me
out and we left.
Me: “That was fast.”
Mamazi: “I had a meeting not far from here.” I nodded and we sat in silence
Me: “mamazi I want an abortion.”
Mamazi: “Hlelolwenkosi!! No!!” she stopped the car on the sidewalk and looked
at me. “Baby why? I know this is not the way you pictured your life but a baby is a
blessing from God and he saw fit to grant you with such a gift.”
Me: “I know mamazi, I know but I want nothing linking me to Melisizwe especially
not a child. He already took my virginity I wont let him take my youth as well by
making me a mother at 16.”
Mamazi: “Gugulethu, Melisizwe might have manipulated you but right now you
are the one making the decision to kill an innocent child. It is going to haunt you
for the rest of your life while he lives his life fully.”
Me: “I am sorry, I just cant.” She started the car and drove. But she wasn’t driving
home but to the hospital. “I thought we’ll go to an abortion clinic.”
Mamazi: “Mmm kay.” She took her handbag from the backseat “Come” I got out
the car and followed her to wherever. “Hlehle I love you and I want the best for
you always.”
Me: “I know mamazi.”
Mamazi: “Good. We’ll see the doctor and he’ll have a conversation with you and
do an ultrasound scan and if you still feel termination is the best option I will
support you.”
Me: “Okay.” We went to a gynae and he did his thing. We spoke about sti and
stds and he tested me and I was clear of everything and he did the scan and the
loudest heartbeat made it to my ears. My mother cried and I couldn’t help but cry
as well. A life was growing inside of me, how could I not be emotional. The doctor
explained everything to me and told me I had up to 12 weeks to terminate with
the pill which was safer. We took my prescription and we left the room.
Mamazi: “Hlehle baby I told myself from the day you became mine that I will
never do this but I feel I have to. Baby life is not black and white, sometimes we
do things we are uncomfortable with not because we want to but because it’s the
right thing to do. Imagine how the woman who gave birth to you felt when she
found out she was pregnant with you? I am sure she wanted to terminate as well
but she didn’t and she kept you until she couldn’t. You never asked any of the
things that happened to you to happen just like the baby you are carrying. So
whatever you decide keep in mind that things happen for a reason. I am your
mother, I breastfed you and bathe you but the fact remains that I never gave birth
to you. You could have belonged to someone else had I not found you at this
exact hospital and the exact parking spot but no things happen this way. So there
is a reason why we are here today and you are carrying that gift.” We were both
sobbing at this point and everything she said made so much sense. Yes I never felt
like I was adopted or abandoned but the fact was that, I was abandoned at only
one month and had it not been for this loving and selfless woman in front of me
there is no telling what would have happened to me. “Lets go home and think
things through.”
Me: "Okay." We got in the car and drove home we first went past my mother’s
restaurant for takeaways and we went home. I ate everything guys.
Me: “I am missing donuts with this milkshake.”
Mamazi: “Hayi Hlehle you have to watch your sugar in take.”
Me: “But mamazi, I want them.” I just cried.
Mamazi: "Wooohh waze wanglaya we Melisizwe!!!" (Melisizwe what have you
done!!) She clapped her hands. “Fine I will have them delivered at home.” I took
my shot while we waited for the donuts “Go lie down, will wake you up when
they get here.” I nodded and went to my room. I needed to get my ducks in a row.
Out of the whole speech mamazi gave me, what stood out for me was “Everything
happens for a reason.” I was going to embrace my life and what had become of it
and trust God and his timing. Mamazi didn’t wake me up, I woke up and everyone
was back from school and it was homework time. I must have missed dinner.
Baba: “MaMnguni you are finally up.” I nodded
Me: “Let us take Melisizwe down” my parents looked at me with so much shock
“Lets open the case against him.” I took a plate and dished up for myself. I think
they were still digesting what I had just said. I sat down and ate because I was
famished.

THINGO
Me: "Aunty cela imali yama pads." (Can I have money for pads) I had run out and I
had been stealing Snothi's since she didn't need them but she was going to found
out now.
A.N: "We Thingo uthi mina imali ngiyithatheph? Angith uSnothile umithi kmele
ngilungisele lengane ezayo."(Where am I supposed to get money? Snothi is
pregnant and I have to prepare for the baby.)
Me: "Kulungile aunty." (Its okay) its like Hlanga was sent by God. His card was the
only thing I could think of but I didn't have cash to get to town. Hiking made
sense, I was already dressed for school so I left to find a car that was going the
town direction. Luckily I found one "Ninjan bhuti?" (How are you doing brother?)
Man: "Ngyaphila."(I am good.) "Uyakuph?"
Me: "Town, you can leave me close to an ATM so I can be able to pay you."
Man: "Don't worry about it. I was headed that direction anyway." The drive
seemed long "I am Thulani Mnisi by the way."
Me: "Happiness Mkhize." That was my ultimate alter ego. Happiness Mkhize
doesn't have problems, she has both parents and comes from a big family with
lots of love.
Thulani: "So what are you going to do in town Happiness?"
Me: "I have a few errands to run and maybe I'll make it back to school before
lunchtime."
Thulani: "I see." We got to town
Me: "Thank you so much, here should be fine." He stopped his car.
Thulani: "I don't mean to be forward but can I get your number so we can chat."
Me: "You dont need my number bhuti, you have a wedding band on your left
hand." I got out and closed the door. I didn't stay to see his reaction. I went to
withdraw money and I went underwear shopping that's something I wasn't
comfortable with shopping in front of Hlanga. I bought 5 packs of pads and the
rest of my toiletries, stationery and still had enough money to get back home and
even enjoy snacks at the tuck shop, something I had always longed for. My
mother dying left a huge whole in my life, I was so exposed. I couldn't go back
home or school since it was still early so I went to the library. Matric was no
child's play. I later went home.
======
Things took a pretty rough turn for me after Snothi’s pregnancy as you saw she
didn't even want to buy me pads, something I so desperately needed because it
was nature. My aunt was on my case just waiting for me to fuck up, I think at
some point my sneezing was a problem. She took out all her frustrations on me.
She would yell from sunrise to sunset of how I was the reason behind Snothi’s
pregnancy, I was the bad influence. Snothi didn’t even defend me. I think she was
just broken from the fact that she didn’t pass her matric and she wanted to bring
me down with her. I wasn’t going to let them win, I kept my head down and did
what was expected of me.
Miss Mchunu: “Thingo you have been avoiding me since our last talk.” She
whispered during a class test after she saw I was done writing. She was my English
teacher, one of my favourites actually. She was so invested in all her students and
where she saw potential she made sure we lived up to it. Like me she said I had
the potential to be a great lawyer with the way I wrote my argumentative essays.
Me: “…” I had nothing to say to her. Our last conversation was about me applying
to varsities and maybe getting a bursary. I wanted to do all that but they needed
my guardian’s documents and that was my aunt. I didn’t even want to go to my
uncle because that was going to piss my aunt off even more.
Miss Mchunu: “Thingo do you even want to go to varisty?” I nodded with so much
enthusiasm “Than why am I the only one who cares enough to makes sure that
you go?” she was really pushing hard. Harder than me to be honest. “Whats the
delay? You know such programs have closing dates and you are not the only one
who wants to get in.” that was really something to think about.
Me: “Mam I want this, I really do. But its costly I mean with application fees and
all. I am not sure if my parents can afford all that.”
Miss Mchunu: “Thingo stop making excuses and ask them. If they turn you down
than come to me and I will make a plan. Okay.”
Me: “Okay.”
Miss Mchunu: “Tomorrow I expect you to bring their documents. Don’t worry
yourself about application fees.”
Me: “Okay. Thank you so much for doing this Mam.” She smiled at me and carried
on monitoring the class. After sometime the bell rang and it was home time. I
hated that house. I stayed for extra classes even though I didn’t need them. If you
asked me why I took physics and geography I wouldn’t tell you because those
subjects were boring. I mean if I was going into law I only needed my English to be
great. I think I took them just to challenge myself. After 2 hours of those boring
subjects I went back home. I found Aya, Aunt Nomusa and 8 months pregnant
Snothi. She was a handful since she was close to giving birth.
A.N: “Awusho ke uthi ubani ozopheka ngoba ubuya ngaleskathi? Awusho nje
ubukuph ngoba iskhole kade siphumile.”(Who do you think is going to cook when
you come back at this time because school came out a long time ago.) She always
complained about the same thing every day since I started grade 12. And my
answer was always the same.
Me: “Kade nginama extra classes aunt.” (I had extra classes)
A.N: “Mxm! Pheka ke noma sesodla late nje.” (cook even though we'll eat late) I
hurried to the kitchen and started on dinner. I was emotionally drained to be
honest. With Miss Mchunu on my case and trial exams were fast approaching. My
aunt’s treatment was just on another level of depressing but I needed to be
strong. I dished up dinner for everyone and I served them.
Me: “Aunty. Can I please use your documents so I can apply for varsities and
maybe get a bursary for next year?” And my aunt laughed and that hurt a little.
A.N: “And what makes you think you will get a bursary wena?” oh wow my aunt
really didn’t think much of me. I didn’t blame her though I had become a burden
to them over the years.
Snothi: “haibo Thingo umama akanayo imali to pay application fees. Hayi ngeke.”
(Mama doesn't have money) I didn’t want to say anything involving Miss Mchunu
and Snothi’s jealousy was so obvious. I just chose to ignore her since she was
irrelevant in that situation.
Me: “Okwamanje I just need your documents aunt, we will cross the bridge of
money matters later.”
A.N: “hehe hayi uyaxaka yaz. Manje uthi who will help Snothi with the baby while
she goes back to school?” she was crazy clearly. It wasn’t my baby to think about.
Me: “Hawu ukhona nje wena aunt. Ingane eka Snothi hayi eyam.” (You are here
aunty, the baby is not mine, its Snothi's) I made the biggest mistake by saying that
because a hot slap followed after that. But it was the truth, Snothi’s baby wasn’t
my responsibility.
A.N: “You ungrateful bitch. I took you in when you had nobody. And that bitch
you call a mother left you with nothing.” Another slap came on my other cheek, I
thanked God for making me dark or I would’ve been red. “You are not going to
university and that is final.” She stood up and left the room. I didn’t care what
Nomusa called me but she crossed the line with my mother. I stood up and went
to clean the kitchen and washed dishes. After I cleaned up I went to study for the
coming up exams. I was just zoning out throughout the studying because my aunt
had bought up the memories of my mother. The more I grew up and started
understanding things there is no doubt that my mother was involved in shady
things especially with the way she died. Taking her background into account as
well but that didn’t change the fact that she was my mother and the best one at
that and my only real family because I just didn’t understand uncle Sthelo. That
night I couldn’t help but sob loudly, I felt so alone, like things were never going to
get better for me. Like he knew I wasn’t myself he called that moment. I
answered
Hlanga: “Thingo lwam.” I couldn’t help but sob loudly “Aaah baby you are
breaking my heart. Talk to me please, whats wrong.” His voice was of someone
who was panicking. I tried to calm down “Thingo.”
Me: “Ye.. es”
Hlanga: “talk to me. What is wrong?” I tried calming myself down.
Me: “Everything is wrong Hlanga. Will I ever catch a break mina?”
Hlanga: “Hey, why are you talking like that? Tell me what happened.” I told him
the whole story since he left which was somewhere in March and we were
approaching September. “She what? Is she crazy? I am coming there tomorrow.”
He was shocked about the slapping, it wasn’t new for me.
Me: “Please don’t, I still need her, she's all the family I have left.”
Hlanga: “But she is not treating you right and no baby you don’t need her. You are
18 years old now which makes you an adult. You know what I will come down this
weekend and fix your documents and apply for you and I have a few bursary
applications for you.”
Me: “You don’t have to do that, I will be fine.”
Hlanga: “You say it like I was asking and I want to see for myself if you are fine or
not.” I loved how he cared about me and put me first.
Me: “Thank you for caring Nyambose.” He chuckled
Hlanga: “Okay sleep and I will see you tomorrow.”
Me: “Okay.” He hung up. After sometime Aya came in as I was about to dose off.
Aya: “Tee I am really sorry about mama, you didn’t deserve that.”
Me: “Arg its okay, don’t worry yourself about it.” She changed into her pjs “Come
to bed.”
Aya: “Tee I don’t think baba is my real father.”
Me: “Ayabonga! Haibo!!”
Aya: “Ngempela Tee. I look nothing like him or mama. What if they are not my
parents?” There was so much truth in her questions but I had to take it out of her.
Aya looked nothing like her parents she might have taken aunt Nomusa’s
complexion but that was it while Snothi was her father's daughter.
Me: “Ayabonga! They are your parents. You might not look like them but they are
your parents so get that thought out of your head.” She nodded and got into bed
after switching off the lights.
Aya: “Tee you haven’t told me a story in a long time.” It has been a while.
Me: “Okay, are you comfortable?”
Aya: “Yes.”
Me: “In a faraway land, there was young girl and her name was Simlindile. She
had everything that money could buy. She lived with both her parents and they
offered her a lavish life.”
Aya: “Oh wow. I am sure she had nothing to complain about.”
Me: “I wish that were true but you have to listen to the moral of the story. Simi
went to the best schools, had everything in the latest model. From shoes to
gadgets.” Aya listened attentively. “She was popular in her circle of friends, they
worship the ground she walked on and she got away with anything because she
was rich. She was a true definition of money buys everything.”
Aya: “I wish I was her, ngabe ngine iphone nje.” We laughed.
Me: “Yes everyone wanted to be her or close to her. But deep down Simi was the
loneliest person on earth. All her life she wished her parents had time for her but
they were busy making money and leaving her alone with strangers who helped
around the house. Simi was the only child, she even wished for siblings but her
parents said she would be the only kid.”
Aya: “Shame man. I cant imagine life without you Tee.”
Me: “I know baby, me too.” I sighed because we were having a mini moment with
my favourite cousin in the dark. “As life went on and she was growing up to be a
strong and independent young lady, she realised that all the material things didn’t
mean anything if you didn’t have people to share it with, people who love and
care about you. It took a lot for Simi to learn that lesson.” Aya yawned “Simi was
used to being the centre of attention and people praising her especially her
friends at school that she forgot the reason why she was even in school. Until one
day, something happened to her, something she didn’t see coming.”
Aya: “What happened?” she asked in her sleepy voice.
Me: “Sleep baby. I will carry on the story tomorrow.”
Aya: “Okay. Goodnight. I love you Tee.”
Me: “I love you too.” We dosed off. That night I slept peacefully because of
Hlanga and Aya. They meant the world to me and they didn’t even know it.
=====
The following day I did my morning chores. Things were better since it was only
Aya and I and she was also growing up and wanted to help me out with certain
things but I only allowed her when Aunt Nomusa wasn’t around or still sleeping.
After Aya’s transport came I also took my long walk to freedom because that is
how I felt at school, free. As we were busy in Economics class, I was called to the
office. I was never a trouble-maker so I knew I wasn’t in trouble. When I got
there, I couldn’t believe my eyes. He stood there like he owned the place, he
looked more toned up than when I last saw him and as handsome as ever and he
had been grooming is beard so imagine the hotness.
Hlanga: “Thingo lwam.” He said with his deep voice of authority as we walked to
each other and he had opened his arms for hug. I really missed him. My eyes
became watery.
Me: “You came for real.” I still couldn’t believe it.
Hlanga: “I told you I would. I missed you.” We were still in hugging form and he
smelled so good like always.
Me: “I missed you too. Are you good?”
Hlanga: “I came here for you, I should be asking you that.”
Me: “At first I was okay with you diverting our conversations but you heard me
cry and that’s personal so please give me something.” He laughed.
Hlanga: “fair enough. I am okay, I was just worried about you.”
Me: “Well worry no more, since you here I am good.” We smiled at each other.
The bell for break time rang “Let me go get my bag so we could speak to Miss
Mchunu.”
Hlanga: “I am coming with you.” He looked at the receptionist who had been
judging us since we saw each other. “Is that okay?” she nodded and we left. He
decided to hold my arm under his arm. He was being extra I felt. I decided to let
him be, I mean the guy did drive close to 7 hours for me. I took my bag and we
went to Miss Mchunu’s class.
Me: “Mam. This is a good friend of mine Hlanga Mthethwa and this is Miss
Mchunu that I told you about.” They shook hands “Mam. Hlanga tells me that I
don’t need my parents’ documents since I am 18 years now.”
Miss Mchunu: “For applying yes but they need them as proof of income and
unemployment since you said your aunt is not working.”
Hlanga: “That will be a bit difficult but I thought of an alternative which is to get
Thingo’s mother’s death certificate and an affidavit stating that you never met
your father.”
Me: “That’s even better. I think we should go with that plan.”
Miss Mchunu: “That works as well but may I ask why you prefer that plan?” I
might as well tell her I mean this woman is helping me secure a proper future.
Me: “To cut the long story short mam, my aunt told me plain blank that I wont be
going to varsity so there is no way she’ll give me her documents.” She was lying,
with such people on my corner I was definitely going even if I crawl there.
Miss Mchunu: “Oh wow!! Okay than. Let me go ask the principal to let you off
early so you can go fix your things.”
Hlanga: “Thank you so much for doing this for her.”
Miss Mchunu: “She has so much potential, I couldn’t let that go to waste.”
Me: “I am really grateful for your efforts mam.” We were walking back to the
office. The principal signed off on me leaving early. On our way to home affairs we
did a lot of catching up with me telling him about my life at home and school and
he also mentioned things about his brother being close by and the partying they
have been doing. I never pictured him as the person who got drunk. Hlanga took
himself too seriously guys. After I got my mother’s death certificate we went to
filling in my application forms. I already had all my previous reports thanks to Miss
Mchunu.
Me: “We have a problem.” He looked at me with concerns “I don’t have a second
option.” He laughed at me.
Hlanga: “So you only saw yourself doing law only.” I nodded “Okay. That’s good it
means you know what you want. Just in case than have a second option.”
Me: “Something in the faculty of Commerce though. Econometrics yes.”
Hlanga: “That’s interesting.” We carried on filling and we posted them after
paying the application fee. “Lets go to Spur where there’s wifi so we can do those
online applications.” We went there and we applied for close 10 bursaries
including NSFAS since I qualified. “Its still too early for you to go home, is it okay if
we go home for a while. I need a nap.”
Me: “Is it okay if I don’t go home today?” I was forever in trouble for breathing
anyways, so why the heck not?
Hlanga: “You wanna spend the night with me?” he asked with the biggest smile
Me: “Maybe it’s a bad idea. Never mind.”
Hlanga: “Why would you say that? Please come.”
Me: “Okay. I don’t have the strength for my family anyway. The only person I am
worried about is Aya.”
Hlanga: “You will deal with them later. You need a break from them anyway. Lets
go see her at school and then we can go home.”
Me: “Okay.” We did just that. He bought her so many goodies and we found her
waiting for her lift. We sat and waited with her until it came. I told her I will see
her when I am ready and she understood. We drove to Hlanga’s farm and we
went straight to his room, he was tired so he dosed off the minute he put his
head on the pillow and I helped myself with his clothes since I was still in my
school uniform. I watched tv, the were on the premium subscription so I was
there with keeping up with the kardashians I mean we all love to hate them right?
He had to wake up or he wouldn’t sleep at night plus I needed supplies. So I woke
him up.
Hlanga: “Yini?” (What)
Me: “Hayi vuka hawu.”(Wake up)
Hlanga: “Okay.” He sat up while rubbing his eyes.
Me: “Ncaaaw you look cute when you just woke up.”
Hlanga: “I am a Zulu man and cute does not even begin to describe me.”
Me: “Usho ngoba awuboni. I need supplies.”
Hlanga: “Supplies?” he was still disorientated from the sleep.
Me: “Yeah toiletries and stuff.”
Hlanga: “I am sure ma has in the house. Lets go greet her anyways.”
Me: “That was so rude of us.”
Hlanga: “She will be strong, I was really tired.” We stood up. “My clothes suit you
nkosazane.” I giggled. He made me feel special guys
Me: “They are so big though but thank you.” As much I was thick but I was short
and Hlanga was tall and buff so his clothes weren’t going to fit anyway. We went
to the main house and we greeted ma and Banele. Ma was on my case about not
visiting. I loved Hlanga’s family, they are good people but they were not my family
and I had to remember that. I needed to stay in my lane. So I was only going to
see them when he was around but I wasn’t going to tell them that. Later on his
father joined the family we watched tv while having dinner and light
conversation. They were a drama free family no doubt. I had no plan about when I
was going back home and at that moment I didn’t care. We spent the weekend
indoors watching movies with Banele. She did my hair as well. I really had a good
weekend with the Mthethwas and on Sunday evening Banele and I got down to
some studying.
Hlanga: “Are you sleeping with me or Banele?” I don’t know why he asked
because he was giving me the look that he wanted me to sleep with him. I didn’t
sleep with him the previous night so I guess it was fair.
Me: “I will come join you in a few, I am almost done here.”
Hlanga: “Okay.” He left and I carried on studying for about an hour and I went to
his room. Everything was set for me for the next day. “So are you okay?”
Me: “Arg I am good. At least I got to escape. Thank you for everything once
again.”
Hlanga: “I am glad I could help. Please don’t hesitate to call me whenever.” I
nodded.
Me: “You know the card you left helped me a lot, like you knew hay. My aunt
hasn’t been buying me toiletries since the beginning of the year.” He wiped a tear
that had escaped.
Hlanga: “I know you said they are your family and that’s true they are. But keep in
mind that family is not always blood.” I never looked at it that way. “Where is
your uncle in all of this?”
Me: “I honestly don’t understand what his role is. He is hardly home so I am left
to deal with her whereas he is my family technically.”
Hlanga: “But whatever happens, you are getting out of there. If it were up to me
you would be out already.”
Me: “There is nothing I want more in the world than to leave that place. But I
worry about Ayabonga.”
Hlanga: “I am sure she will be fine. I mean she doesn't get the treatment that you
get.” He was right, I needed to think of me, Aya was going to be fine, I mean it
was her parents’ house.
Me: “Okay lets sleep, I have school tomorrow.”
Hlanga: “Okay” he kissed my forehead and we slept. I was in his full pjs so it
wasn’t weird.
=======
Hlanga left after dropping me off at school that morning. I was in good spirits that
day but my happiness was short lived when Joy and her crew came to ask me
about Hlanga and how I knew him. I had never been so bored in my life, they
might have thought I was a weirdo but he never saw me that way nor did I see
myself that way. I had come to terms a long time ago that people will see what
they want to see and there was nothing I could do about it. The confrontation
went on to them saying I should hook them up since him and I were just friends.
Obviously I did no such, there was no way I will be associated with the same
people Joy was associated with. It was just a matter of principle, Joy and her crew
were loose girls and had no morals so I just couldn’t. School was school, nothing
interesting happened besides Miss Mchunu grilling me about my relationship with
Hlanga. I assured her that we were strictly friends and talks of being more than
that have never happened. She added that from where she was standing it looked
like he was interested, especially the way he was so invested in my future. No
man does that without intentions, she said. She gave me something to think
about actually. I mean I hardly knew the guy because of the way he was so closed
off but we were already at a point of me meeting his family and us sleeping in the
same bed. I liked him no doubt about that but a relationship was the last thing I
needed, I had too much baggage. Those were my thoughts on my way back home
to face the music after disappearing the whole weekend. I was ready for whatever
my aunt was going to throw at me. I entered the door and I found Snothi pacing
up and down, screaming and cussing. I think she was in labour. My aunt appeared
with a bag
A.N: “Wena ngzokubona mangibuya.” (I will see you when I get back) She had her
straight face on. “Sala la no Ayabonga.” (Stay with Aya) With that they left as
Themba’s car parked at the gate. I wasn’t scared or relieved I was just numb.
Me: “Hey baby.” I always called her that. She was a baby when I got here.
Aya: “Hey Tee. Are you good? Did you enjoy your time with Bhut Hlanga? Omw I
missed you so much, this weekend was so lame without you.” I just laughed, she
was talking so fast.
Me: “Relax Aya.” She laughed and I joined her.
Aya: “I am just happy to see you.”
Me: “I am happy to see you too. Have you eaten or should I make us food first
before we get on with homework?” I chose not to tell her about my weekend
away.
Aya: “Mama cooked, imagine.” We laughed. I guess she was forced to since I was
gone. “We can get on with the books.”
Me: “Okay than. How was your math test on Friday?”
Aya: “I did great. Thanks for the help.”
Me: “I am glad I could help nana.” We sat down with our books and we did what
was needed of us. I was chatting with Hlanga and asking about his trip back to
Johannesburg. I later had dinner and went to bed after cleaning up of course. Yes
I was a rebel but a responsible one. Aunty Nomusa didn’t come back that night.
So what was going to become of me was still to be determined.

»06«
CONTINUED
HLANGA
“Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.” A quote by Jim
Rohn. When you take the time to fully understand this quote you will grasp the
content that in order for our lives to progress and get better, one is required to
change. Be it location, mind-set or even jobs but the idea here is that you cant
expect change in the same position you are in. All of these thoughts have bought
me back to a point of the type of person I was and who I wanted to be. Its no
secret that I am a self-centred human being and I was not satisfied with just being
that person, I needed to change. There was room for improvement, hence I
started opening up to Thingo about myself and the things I get up to and I must
say the solitude thing I was on about was slowly dying especially after meeting
her. And so I took the decision to try dating and see where it takes me, I mean if I
was to have a wife at some point in my life I would have to get to know her first
and stuff like that and that requires me spending time with her and
understanding the type of person she is. I am sure you are asking where Thingo
fits in all of this, she needed to finish her studies and find herself, the last thing I
wanted was for her to be distracted. Who knew maybe I was preparing myself for
her, joking...or am I?
Clive: “So you are really doing this?” he asked in disbelief as I was preparing
myself for a casual date with some chick I had met the previous night at the club
“Ngifuna ukuyibona le(I want to see this). Hlangalezwe Mthethwa dating hehe.”
He sipped his beer
Me: “Well believe it ntwana yam because I am going to pick her up now.” I said
checking my watch.
Lonhle: “What about Thingo bra?”
Me: “What about her? I never said she was my girl, yourll just assumed she was.
Plus she has a lot going on right now, I wouldn’t want to get her involved in my
silly games.”
Lonhle: “Oh so vele you admitting ukuth uyadlala? When you done with these silly
games, and then what?” I had no answer to that one “What if Thingo finds out
and she finds herself a man wherever she ends up?” she wouldn’t do me like that
or would she?
Me: “I will be fine with it, we are just good friends man!” I lied, I wouldn’t
understand.
Clive: “Friends my ass.”
Me: “Mxm I am leaving. Please don’t leave a mess, I might be coming back with
someone.”
Lonhle: “Doesn’t she have a name?”
Me: “Zaza or Zinzi to be honest angaz yaz, I was really drunk last night.” And the
idiots laughed at me.
Clive: “That’s very clever of you, going out with a person you don’t even know a
first name of.”
Me: “This is an experiment, I am used to girls throwing themselves at me but this
time I have to impress, its tricky.”
Clive: “You already lost. I mean you don’t remember her name and you reek of
alcohol those are two strikes already.” They laugh at me again. I had to calm my
nerves. I have never been on a date before.
Lonhle: “By the time he’s at the door it will be 3 strikes I mean, no flowers
nothing? Vele uhlale phansi bafo(Just sit down brother).” I didn’t know anything
about flowers, let alone the reason why I should bring them. I just didn’t see the
point.
Me: “we’ll see the flowers later. I am out fellas and wena” I was pointing at my
brother “Go back to your flat.” He just laughed at me. He was always at my place
on weekends. I just didn’t understand why he chose to rent his own place if he
loved living with me.
Lonhle: “This is home so chill. I must say, you look good, its just sad that you put
in all this effort for someone you don’t actually know.” I had to leave because my
brother’s truth was cutting deep. I had to do this, people always say start small. If
I was to commit to a relationship, I had to at least start by committing to a date.
Me: “I’ll just take the complement and leave.” He chuckled. I gulped down my
beer and left them drinking and playing play station. That’s all we did if we
weren’t working. I left and went to pick the girl. On my way there I was thinking of
ways to bring up her name without me having to say it. I got to her complex and
called her, she buzzed me in and I went to her door. A girl who wasn’t my date
opened the door
Girl: “Zee your guy is here.” She shouted. It was too early for me to be her guy, I
mean I didn’t even know her name. She studied me from head to toe while she
held her wine glass. Zee came rushing, she looked good. Let me describe her to
you, she had an hourglass body shape and was a slim yellow-bone chick. Weave
and make-up were a given. She was wearing an all denim outfit of washed up blue
jeans and a denim shirt and white heels. I had a sister at home so I knew girl
fashion.
Zee: “Oh hey, sorry I’m late.”
Me: “No problem. You look good.” I offer her my arm.
Zee: “Thank you, you not bad yourself.”
Me: “I try.” We made our way to my car. “Let me get that for you.” I was referring
to the door.
Zee: “He opens doors oh wow!” I just chuckled and closed her door when she got
in. I had no plan for the night and honestly at that point I realised that dating
wasn’t for me, it was just too much pressure. I got in the car.
Me: “So before this moves any further, I want you to know that I have never
dated before so I might be out of my depth here.” She laughed and I had a
straight face
Zee: “Oh wow really?” I nodded “Okay, what were your intentions than, when you
asked me out?”
Me: “I am a simple guy really so my intentions were straight-forward like that. I
was thinking in the lines of maybe at the end of the night depending on how you
feel about me we either go back to my place or yours.” She laughs.
Zee: “You are really bad at this. At least you are honest with your intentions and
not feeding me lies. Lets just grab a bite and a movie and see where it takes us.
don’t want to rush things.”
Me: “Great then.” I start the car and drive to The Mall of Africa, her suggestion.
Zee: “So you have never dated ever?” I nodded “You mean to tell me you’ve
never been in a stable relationship?”
Me: “Nope.”
Zee: “Omw, are you a virgin?” I laughed at the last question.
Me: “nah sadly. I have been around. Most of my interactions with women were
just sexual.”
Zee: “Oh. So I shouldn't expect a second date.” what?
Me: “There's more than one date?” she laughed at me and I honestly failed to see
the joke. Dating was going to be a problem.
Zee: "You can't really get to know a person over one night. That's why there's a
second and third date and so on."
Me: "Okay." We got to the mall. She suggested Tashas, from the name I was just
sceptical about the menu. I am a Zulu man, half of my plate had to have meat in it
and pap. And I wasn’t wrong that menu was useless for me so I just had potato
chips and beer. While she ordered her fancy things. We talked and got to know
each other or should I say, I got to know her better. As we conversed I realized
that she wasn’t my type. Besides the fact that she was too self-involved, the girl
had no sense of belonging or another way to put it was her background was
fucked up. I wasn’t judging, but I couldn’t associate myself with someone who
couldn’t really identify herself. From her religion to her culture of which she didn’t
have. I wasn’t saying she should join mine but I didn’t see how she would be
about to understand me if we didn’t have similarities and differences in certain
areas like culture. I couldn’t let the date get to a movie, it had to end there.
Zee: “Hawu bo thata keng?” see what I mean. Her name is Zanele but she is
Sotho.
Me: “There is no problem. I just feel like this date shouldn’t carry on. So I am
taking you home.” I have never been someone who sugar-coated things. It didn’t
help anyone I felt. We got in the car and I drove back to her complex.
Zee: “I am failing to understand where I did or said something wrong.” I couldn’t
believe what I was about to say but it was the truth.
Me: “Please don’t take this the wrong way, its not you its me. You didn’t say or do
something wrong. I don’t think you and I are going to work, we are too different.”
Zee: “So what if we are different, that's how most people end up together
because they are so different." I found her attractive no lie but it wasn't enough
for me to stay "So we going to your place or mine.” I didn’t even want sex from
her. I knew too much.
Me: “Nah I just want to go home and sleep.” I was outside her gate now.
Zee: “Mxm!!” she got out and slammed my door. What a night I thought. I was
done dating for a while, maybe few years down the line. I drove home and my
brother wasn’t at home together with my friend. Part of me wanted to go to the
club, I needed the vibe but I was just too lazy to drive. I opted for bed instead. I
got lost in the thoughts of the person I was really was. I was a person who hated
change and adjusting clearly. With Zee I was faced with a challenge of someone
who had no sense of identity, I was pretty sure she wasn’t the only girl with that
problem. Now the question was, was I always going to dismiss them just because I
don’t relate to them somehow? Then why was I even trying to get to know them
better if I am not up for the challenge because dating and relationships get
complicated and challenging sometimes. I really needed to rethink my life. But in
all honesty I loved the way it was. I just wasn’t ready for change. I was man
enough to admit that. Sometimes as humans we failed to admit to ourselves our
flaws and shortcomings and we end up making mistakes that could have avoided
had we took the time and had conversations with ourselves. As I grew up it was
when I realised that things don’t get easier they got more and more complicated.
A lot of decisions and choices were to be made and not forgetting sacrifices as
well because it was no secret that we don’t always get what we want. Sometimes
we had to forego things we didn’t want to let go before we could get something
else. Jah neh being a grown-up was a trap I felt. After that night I went back to my
old routine of gym, work and drinking not forgetting sleeping with random
women. Work kept me really busy with training the new recruits, which made me
realise that I loved teaching them, I really enjoyed my time with them. Being in
the military wasn’t a choice, I joined because I had found myself in the deep-end
of life. What I went through in the past was a story for another day. Now that
those thoughts came up maybe it was the reason why I was so fucked up.
======
Things were quite slow at work maybe it was because I had a lot of paperwork to
fill in. Being a trainer and a physician also meant you push paperwork as well. So
was I there minding my own business and writing reviews on the recruits and
their progress stuff like that. That was the worst part about my job actually. I got
a call from Leeukop Prison. I wasn’t prepared for what I heard on the other end of
the line. To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I didn’t waste time I
took my things and drove straight there. I had to wait for while but eventually he
came out.
Me: “What the fuck bra?” he looked drained “I don’t see you for over a week and
you end up here?”
Clive: “Tell me about it. Thanks for coming through man.” Yes my good friend was
arrested, I was about to find out for what.
Me: “I didn’t have a choice, you are in jail my guy. Yin ijive?”(What's the problem)
and he started laughing.
Clive: “Akusiso yin le slima saCebolihle.”(Cebolihle's boyfriend) I couldn’t believe
my ears. “They say its assault and attempted murder.” This wasn’t good at all he
was facing 10 to 25 years in prison. “Mxm I didn’t even damage him that much.
He was walking when we left.”
Me: “I was there remember. Look I will fix this. I am sorry but it looks like you’ll be
spending the weekend here.”
Clive: “Tell me about it. The bastard made sure I got arrested on a Friday and this
is Johannesburg there is not telling when I will appear in front of a magistrate.
Mxm!” he wasn’t even scared. Clive was fearless that’s one thing I admired about
him. The time for him to go back to his cell came “Get me a lawyer, a good one
Nyambose.”
Me: “Okay. Take care I will see you tomorrow again.” We hugged, it was a
brotherly hug. I already had a plan on how to get him out.
Clive: “Please don’t tell the girls about this. Cebo is pregnant, I don’t want her
stressing about this.”
Me: “I will go check up on them. Don’t worry they wont even know.” I left and
drove straight to Soweto. Clive was my brother, blood or not. His pain was my
pain and I knew he had my back just as much. When I got there I found all 3 of
them there including the woman who helped around the house.
Sne: “Hlanga!” she folded her arms and gave me attitude. She was the cutest 11
year old I have ever met.
Me: “Yewena I am older than you!!” She laughed. She was a naughty girl too.
Sne: “I know. How are you?” I gave her a hug and sat down with the rest of them.
Lwazi: “Where is your better half?
Me: “He’s at work, you know him.”
Cebo: “That he is a workaholic just like you?” I chuckled.
Me: “Mxm! I hear congratulations are in order.” She smiled. Cebo was a humble
soul unlike her younger siblings. Everything about her was calm sometimes you
even forgot that she was in the room. Especially with their background, you’d
expect anger and bitterness but she was just the kindest soul.
Cebo: “Thank you. But the morning sickness and fatigue will be the death of me.”
Me: “It will get better.”
Cebo: “You mean as I get bigger. I cant!”
Me: “haisuka une drama.” She sulked. I had to leave before she got emotional. “I
came to check up on you guys. And I see you still looking fresh.”
Sne: “Okay hamba ke.” Hehe this kid.
Lwazi: “Kodwa Sne.”
Me: “Muyeke lo uzoythola into ayifunayo.”(Leave her, she'll what she's looking
for)
Sne: “Mxm.” And she laughed. It was innocent that’s how she was towards me
and I was like that towards her.
Me: “No bubi!”(you are ugly) she made a face. “Im out guys Sne’s face is scaring
me.” We all laughed.
Cebo: “Thanks for coming.” I took my car keys and left. I called the guy that I knew
was going to give me what I wanted and I drove straight to his flat. I let myself in
and no I didn’t have a key. I had a few skills up my sleeves okay. I helped myself to
his bottle of scotch and he came in 30 minutes later. I thought I would wait longer
than that and I was prepared to.
Me: “Awu mehlo madala Chancellor Ngubeni.”(Long time no see)
Chance: “Habe! You scared me you son of a bitch!”
Me: “Watch it, my mother is no bitch!” we laughed and fist bumped.
Chance: “Ufunan Hlanga? We made a deal remember?”
Me: “I remember perfectly. That’s why I didn’t come to your workplace.”
Chance: “I see the gangster in you still lives.” He was referring to me breaking –in
and I chose to ignore him.
Me: “I came for my guns.” He looked at me as if I am crazy. “Don’t look at me like
that, I need them.”
Chance: “Hlanga! I cant let you go there. You begged me to get you out of that
life.” Yah neh.
Me: “I know. I need to scare someone Chance. Clive is in jail and his facing
attempted murder charges.”
Chance: “Tjoh! Okay lay it down for me and I will see where I can help.”
Me: “There’s nothing much to tell.” I narrated the whole story. “That bastard was
walking and talking when we left so how is it attempted murder?”
Chance: “Okay I will give you what’s yours.” I nodded “You know Hlanga no one
forced you to leave.”
Me: “I know but I was drowning Chance, you saw what the game did to me.”
Chance: “I had your back you know that, nothing was going to happen to you
while I was still breathing.” We sat in complete silence thinking about the good
old day when we were gangsters in Durban. I had no reason, I just loved the chase
and the fact that people feared me. “You know you can always come back?” I
chuckled
Me: “I don’t think I am cut out for it now.”
Chance: “Bull!! You the one who started it.” He was right, I started the whole
thing. “Which means its in your blood.” I just shook my head in disagreement. It
started when we got to high school. Before I forget I never told you who
Chancellor Ngubeni was. He was my childhood friend we did almost everything
together. He knew me like I knew him. Like I said before this whole gangster thing
started back in high school, we were known as thugs because we turned that
school into some Yizo Yizo shit. From there onwards no school wanted us. I ended
up in the street of Durban together with my good friend Chance. We went
through hell with him. He was right he’s always had my back.
Me: “Eyy Thuba awume mfethu. Give me what’s mine.” He chuckled and stood up
and went wherever to get my case of guns probably. He came back with it. It
looked like just how I remembered it.
Chance: “Seriously though, are you good?”
Me: “I am a 6 to be honest.”
Chance: “Are you sleeping?” like I said he knew me.
Me: “I haven’t had nightmares in a while, probably because I drink myself to
sleep.”
Chance: “Hade my guy. You know being in the military didn’t help with the
nightmares.” I have never looked at it that way. He was right. Having someone die
in front of you changes a person, just like taking a life. I opted to nodding because
I had nothing else to say.
Me: “Let me leave you. I will see you around.”
Chance: “I am working on something big, I will hit you up if I need you.” Whatever
he was talking about was illegal, it was given with him. Chance never left that life.
I needed to get out, I had seen too much and did a lot of unspeakable things plus
my family was suffering.
Me: “Sure.” I wasn’t sure about what I was agreeing to but I did. I was that person
with my friends, the few that I had. I acted on impulse and asked questions later.
If they needed me I was there. I took my things and left and drove to my flat. The
problem with living alone was that I had no one to clean or cook for me and I
wasn’t about the life of inviting a stranger to my house and having them clean up
after me. At the moment I needed saving though my place was dirty and I had
nothing to eat. I ordered take away while I cleaned and it wasn’t great honestly.
My food came and I dugged in like a street kid who hadn’t eaten in a week. I
turned on music and drank myself to sleep while I thought of ways to get Clive out
of jail without him seeing the courtroom.
======
The next day I woke up just after 4 am. I did my morning routine and drove
straight to Fourways. His car was parked on the driveway and it looked like he had
fixed it. I made my way inside the house, straight to his bedroom. Just like I
wanted it, he was still sleeping and probably dreaming. Like a thief in the movies I
closed his mouth in case he wanted to scream with my one hand and I pointed my
gun to his head with my other and he woke up instantly.
Me: “Ssshhhh!!” he nodded out of fear. “I will let go and you will shut up.” He
nodded again “Good.” I took my hand away and I was still pointing the gun at him.
“You will drop those charges.”
Tumisang: “What?”
Me: “I don’t like repeating myself. You will drop those charges against Nqobani or
you’ll have me to deal with. You mustn’t forget that I have a file on you for
abusing a pregnant woman. So think about whats going to happen to you in jail
because if he goes down you’ll go down with him.” He looked at me with shock.
He messed with the wrong guy.
Tumisang: “This is between me and Nqobani.”
Me: “That’s where you have it twisted. Whatever involves him, I am involved as
well and you’re starting to piss me off.” This nigger was really hard headed.
“Come near my family again bazocula amagugu ngyaktshela. Be it Cebolihle and
the baby or Nqobani uzonya! Nxa.” With that I shot the pillow 3 times and left. To
be honest I missed that side of me. I was high on adrenalin and the fear in his eyes
were just fuelling. I called an old police friend of mine so I could get Clive out of
jail, there was no way he was spending the whole weekend in jail especially since
the charges were going to be dropped. I met up with him as early as it was. Luckily
his brother was a warden there and everything went smoothly.
Clive: “How did you manage to get me out on a Saturday?” he looked happy.
“Know what it doesn’t matter. All I want now is a kasi kota and cognac and lots of
it.” We laughed.
Me: “You smell like jail, shouldn’t you shower first?”
Clive: “Prisons have showers so awume.” We drove straight to his crib. And that
Saturday we spent drinking mostly and things were so normal like he wasn’t in jail
a few hours back.
NQOBANI
“You are just a waste of space, you and that idiot son of yours.” My father said as
she was kicking and slapping both my mother and I. “Ngyacela Bhungane lets talk
about this.” Another kick followed “Ngyaxolisa baba, angeke ngiphinde.” She
pleaded. I was still young but I knew that my mother had done nothing wrong.
“nx!! Ngyaxolisa baba. Unobaba ongangami? Thatha lo mfana wakho.” He leaves
the room and I was left with my beaten and weak mother. I was slowly getting
used to the pain but I could never get used to my mother being that hurt. I would
try and help her up because her drunk husband was now passed out on the
couch. My mother was too broken to leave, I think she had accepted that she’d
leave with a body bag. Not forgetting that she was an uneducated woman so she
didn’t know her rights as a woman. My childhood was brutal, no person would’ve
come out of it and not be broken. Cebo’s abuse just took me back there and I was
now and again getting flashbacks or nightmares about it. Being in jail made me
feel helpless like I was with my mother. I was at home in Soweto, I had been
staying there since Hlanga got me out of jail.
Lwazi: “He’s been doing this for over a month now Cebo.” She sounded worried. I
was lying on the couch but I wasn’t asleep. “You know how he got the last time he
was like this.” They were talking about me and I how I just get emotionally
detached to everything and the bottle becomes my friend.
Cebo: “I am also worried. Ubaba akasekho manje to help him out of this.” My
older sister was pregnant I didn’t want her worrying about me.
Me: “You guys worry too much. I am fine, its not as bad.” I got up the couch and
went to hug them.
Lwazi: “Bhuti are you sure? Because you haven’t been eating or taking care of
yourself properly.” She looked really worried. She was right, my next stop was the
hospital.
Me: “I am fine. I will do better from now on.”
Cebo: “I texted Hlanga, he’ll know what to do.” She sounded defeated “It pains
me that I cant help you like baba could. I feel so helpless right now.” I chose to
ignore them. They were annoying actually because I wanted to be on my own.
After some time Hlanga came in with Spur food and alcohol. “Oh kodwa Hlanga
more alcohol. This person hasn’t been eating, he could suffer from alcohol
poisoning.”
Hlanga: “Don’t worry I will get him to eat.” He dished up for all of us “Haibo
Cebolihle I thought you wanted your brother to eat.” She giggled
Cebo: “I am sorry, it not me the baby wants these ribs as in yesterday.” I was just
looking at them. Seeing them happy was all I needed. I didn’t want them
stressing.
Hlanga: “Mxm!” he walked over to me and gave me my plate and I declined. I
didn’t want food honestly. “You don’t want to piss me off Nqobani.” Whenever
my good friend called me Nqobani I knew better than not to listen to him. I took
the plate and I slowly started eating. The girls gave us some space by going to the
mall. After the food came the alcohol and we downed it like our life depended on
it.
Me: “My father is back.” I was now drunk. So talking became easier.
Hlanga: “He never left.” He was right, the pain and bad memories I had of him
were always with me which meant he was always around even when he was
dead. “I don’t have the tools to help you with your demons Bhungane but I know
and understand what you going through because I myself have my own demons
but I can help you cope with them because that’s the only tool I have.”
Me: “I’ll take whatever you give me because I need my peace back.”
Hlanga: “Okay than, when we are sober.” He stood up and turned the music up
and we drank in silence. My friend knew that whenever I was in that state talking
was something I did the least. Hlanga might not have seen it but he wasn’t as self-
centered as he made himself ought to be because he cared more than he should
for the people closest to him. I was lucky to call him a friend but he became more
of a brother to me and my family.
=======
I was woken up by loud banging noises and glass being shattered. My head was so
heavy and I couldn’t properly open my eyes because the light was shining so
bright
Cebo: “Yey nina vukani!!” (Wake up)
Me: “Ssshhh!!”
Hlanga: “You don’t have to be so loud.” I guess the feeling was mutual. Hangover
is a disease guys. Unexpectedly Cebo turns on the sound system to its maximum
volume. “What the Fuck Cebolihle.”
Me: “I am getting out of here.” She turned it down.
Cebo: “Really Hlanga. You were suppose to help him get better not help him to his
grave.” She was pissed. Cebo was calm person but pregnancy changed her. Her
hormones were everywhere. It was best to sit down again
Hlanga: “Cebolihle calm down. Please.” He was pleading and Hlanga wasn’t a man
who pleads. I am guessing hangover humbles everyone.
Me: “Cebo you don’t have to be loud. I will be fine, I promise.”
Cebo: “Okay.” She sat down next to me and I hugged her. Lwazi came in with
water and Hlanga and I jumped and we each took a bottle. Since we had a
pregnant lady at home we only dranked bottled water. I didn’t understand it but I
went ahead with her plan. Hlanga and I cleaned up and he took me to a racing
track
Me: “So this is how you let off steam?”
Hlanga: “mmmh! When things get too much I come here and I let it out on the
track.” He handed me keys to a racing car “Whatever emotion and feeling that is
taking your peace let it out on that track.” And I didn’t waste time I took the keys
and got in that car and I raced around the track at full speed probably 10 times.
“Feeling better?” I nodded with a smile. I was feeling better because I was all
pumped up with adrenelin and serotonin. The anger at my father had subsided
but I knew it wasn’t gone but I needed to function amongst society so I took
whatever relief I got. “Race me then.”
Me: “Ntwana si on!!”
Hlanga: “Loser buys the first round of drinks.” I laughed he was a chancer.
Me: “I will hold you to that but I have a shift today.”
Hlanga: “Fine by me but as your therapist I thought getting you laid will be part of
your recovery.” We laughed.
Me: “That wont be necessary doctor, I can get laid on my own thank you.” We
laughed again “Are you going race me or we gon keep on talking about my dick?”
I had a smirk on my face. I really felt better
Hlanga: “Oh its on now and don’t think you’ll distract me by making me think of
your dick!” we laughed so loud. My friend was an idiot naturally. We put on our
helmets and the games began. We were at and obviously he won. The guy had
been racing for God knows how long, but I had to go home and prepare for my
shift. Sometimes being in the Military was a drag but I had a duty to my country to
fulfil. From that day onwards I knew I had a good friend in Hlanga not for what he
did for me but for him not having expectations and forced being fine on me. He
just showed me way to cope and assured me that I didn’t have to go through my
demons alone and that was a true definition of friendship in my books. The night
shift at the base were chilled, we pushed paperwork mostly which never ended. I
wasn’t being productive that evening so I decided to ditch work and get me laid
like the good doctor had suggested. On my way out the base I called my regular
girl Sindi notifying her I was on my way. With Sindi I was always guaranteed a
good lay and she was always available. Her and I had an understanding I offered
her cheap rent in one of my buildings and I could come over whenever I wanted.
Sindi: “When you called I was about to take a shower, care to join?” she said
seductively. I was turned on immediately. Mind you the girl was only in her black
matching bra and thong and she had a banging body. She was actually a fitness
trainer.
Me: “Not at all.” I was in her flat already. We started kissing and we made it all
the way to the shower and we did unspeakable things to each other.
Sindi: “So I don’t hear from you a whole year and you decide to rock up today.”
We were now cuddling. Just because the girl gave me sex didn’t mean we
shouldn’t cuddle. It’s the only thing she asked for.
Me: “I was out of the country and I came back injured.”
Sindi: “Really. Is that the reason for the scar on your thigh?”
Me: “Mmm. I was immobile for a good six months.”
Sindi: “Shame man.”
Me: “So did you ever sort shit out with your mother?”
Sindi: “Yeah I did. I took your advice and now we better than before.”
Me: “Im glad. The way you were so historical you’d swear the world was ending.”
We laughed. Sindi was a good person but she wanted nothing with relationships
and so did I.
Sindi: “Dude I wrecked her car and ran away. She was ready to murder me.” The
story was she got drunk, her and friends took her mother’s s-class Mercedes and
they wrecked it. She ran away and came to Pretoria after the incident. She called
me stressed out,we did our thing which was sex than I told her to go back and feel
her mother’s wrath because she had no business driving her car anyway worse
intoxicated.
Me: “I am glad.” She stood up taking her cigarettes, she was going to smoke.
“Hayike uyangxosha manje.” (You are chasing me away) She giggled.
Sindi: “Come on, I need it.” I just nodded and she went to the balcony and she did
her thing. I had no say in what she was doing even though I was uncomfortable
with it but I knew my lane and that was that she wasn’t my girlfriend. With “no
strings attached” relationships it was less conversations and more sex and I was
the best with those. “Are you ready to go again?” she was now sitting on my dick.
Love or not I was attracted to Sindi, she always got me excited.
Me: “I am always ready.” I said between the kiss and her grinding on me. I didn’t
have time for foreplay so I went in and I went in hard. We fucked through the
night and that’s what I needed to get my mind of the horrors of life.
=======
Things were going well for me at home, work and business. I had gotten back to
my old self. Of course the nightmares were there and alcohol and girls were still
my thing. I think that’s the part of my life that will never change because they
were my coping mechanisms. Time really does fly, days turned into months and
before I knew it the year was almost over. I had nothing to show for that year. I
mean achievement wise, I was a single man with literally no responsibilities
because my siblings were well taken care of my parents made sure of that. So it
was fair for me to not be in the same boat with men my age who had
responsibilities. Like I had mentioned before I was big in the property scene and I
also co-owned a night club with Hlanga besides my actual job. I needed a new
venture since the ones I onwed were doing well. It was time for me to go to the
drawing board. One thing about me was that I had to keep busy, I wasn’t man
who could laze around and not do anything. If I wasn’t at the base, it was either I
was with my business manager looking at the numbers of my buildings or with the
club manager. Being an owner was far more complicated than how movies made
it seem. I was back at my place, my sisters were cramping my style. I respected
that house too much to bring random girls. I took a shower and got ready like I
said it was time to hit the drawing board. The year was almost over so I had to
start planning for the upcoming one. I dressed up in my simple plain white t-shirt
with washed-up torned denim shorts and all star Chuck Taylor. It was a Saturday
so simple made sense. When I was satisfied with my appearance I took my car
keys and drove to Lonhle’s (Hlanga’s brother) place. We both lived in Pretoria
while Hlanga chose to live in Joburg even though he was in Pretoria almost
everyday because of work. I got there and it wasn’t locked and so I let myself in.
Lonhle: “And then, you think ikwakho la?(You think its your house)” I chuckled
and he joined me. We had gotten closer during the year since he spent too much
time at his brother’s place.
Me: “Yup Its my house!!” I sang for him and he laughed. “What you got in the
fridge I am thirsty.”
Lonhle: “The last time I checked I had a six pack of beer.” I nodded and went to
the kitchen “What are you doing here anyway?”
Me: “Im here to fetch you so you can hook me up with varsity meat.” He laughed
and I wasn’t joking. I needed to think and the way that was going to happen was
with loud music, alcohol and girls.
Lonhle: “Wait are you for real?” I nodded while sipping on castle lite. “Okay let
me call Keith and see what he has planned tonight. The guy is always throwing lit
parties.”
Me: “Cool. So hows first year so far?”
Lonhle: “A bitch. Im not sure about engineering anymore.”
Me: “Are you flacking it?”
Lonhle: “Not really, my marks just aren’t great. The parents are going to be
disappointed that I know.”
Me: “Hayi kodwa nawe you party too much. And Hlanga and I haven’t been
helping the situation either.”
Lonhle: “Its really not your fault. Its my responsibility to make sure I pass. But
everything here is next level bra. I mean the girls and the parties that never end
and I am from a small town with only KFC as restaurant so imagine.” We laughed
Me: “You got too excited?” he nodded and we were still laughing. “My advice is
find a balance. Make time for both and be strict on yourself. If its time to play,
play hard and if its time to work, work even harder.”
Lonhle: “I will keep that in mind for my end-year exams. My bursary is at stake
here and I am living a life better than what my parents were offering.”
Me: “Oh really now?”
Lonhle: “Yeah. Private Accomodation, tution and monthly allowance. Including
vacation work and a guaranteed job after I get the qualification. With the parents
and your idiot friend I was most definitely going to stay at res.”
Me: “You are living lavishly and it would be dumb of you not to use this
opportunity.”
Lonhle: “Don’t worry I know whats at stake. Anyway where is your better half?”
Me: “I don’t know I last saw him at work. Lets call him.” I found his contact and
called him
Hlanga: “Sho.”
Me: “Ekse zikhiphan?”
Hlanga: “Nex ntwana. And lapho?”
Me: “Nothing chilling with your younger twin and hes taking me out later. You
know fresh varsity honeys.” He cracked up.
Hlanga: “Those are the worst, they take everything to heart. I might come
through if I don’t drive down home.”
Lonhle: “Home really? For what?”
Hlanga: “I don’t answer to you Mpilonhle and I don’t need a reason to go home.
In case you forgot we have parents and a sister there.”
Lonhle: “Mxm.”
Me: “Or Thingo.” And he laughed.
Hlanga: “Futsek Nqobani.”
Me: “I was just saying. Anyway let me know what you decide.”
Hlanga: “Sharp.” He hung up and I carried with the beer. I was now on my second
bottle.
Lonhle: “Keith never disappoints. He has a chillas later on and its bring your own
poison, he’s only offering food.”
Me: “Works for me. Lets go buy the booze than. I give that six pack an hour and it
will be over with it.”
Lonhle: “Okay let me go get my wallet.”
Me: “Don’t worry its on me just bring your car keys because we are taking your
car.” He nodded and took his car keys and we drove to get booze. When it comes
to alcohol I went overboard, I knew that about myself. I hated the feeling of
having it finish and you have no options into getting more. The boot was almost
full, well we bought to impress girls as well. I mean it was a chillas. We went back
to the flat and we ate lunch while drinking and listening to music. Later on my
good friend joined us.
Lonhle: “So you didn’t go?”
Hlanga: “I was too lazy to drive.”
Me: “I guess you chose me over Thingo huh?” he laughed “Bros before hoes all
the way.”
Hlanga: “Wena you are crazy. I wouldn’t choose you even if my life depeneded on
it.”
Me: “Aaah come on, you just hurt my feelings.” I held my fake broken heart and
we laughed after.
Hlanga: “Dude you don’t have a vagina what am I going to do with you all my life
huh?” we couldn’t stop laughing “Or jail has changed you?” I wasn’t ready for that
one, but I guess it was there.
Me: “Ewwu and fuck you!”
Hlanga: “You’d like to, wouldn’t you?”
Lonhle: “You are disgusting and please flirt outside.”
Me: “mxm!!”
Hlanga: “You started. Anywho what you got?” he was talking about alcohol.
Lonhle: “Clive bought the whole bottle store.”
Hlanga: “That’s not new. He’s so extra.” I laughed “Order more pizza Bafo.”
Me: “I feel like chillie fried chips.”
Lonhle: “There’s a joint close by.”
Hlanga: “You are the youngest so do the things.”
Me: “That made the potatoe chips to be done.” We laughed
Lonhle: “I am leaving your crazy asses.” We laughed even more and he joined us.
“For grown ass men you two are idiots.” With that he went out the door. We
stayed behind laughing.
Hlanga: “So you good?” he now had a straight face so I am guessing we were
having a serious conversation.
Me: “Yeah I am great. But I have been feeling unfulfilled you know.”
Hlanga: “Elaborate.” He said as he gulped down his beer.
Me: “I need a new venture. I am a 31 year old man. With no wife and no kids,
something must replace that.”
Hlanga: “Do you want a wife and kids?”
Me: “Obviously it would be nice coming home to a home cooked meal and clean
house and loud happy noises. But we all know I cant have that. I am too damaged
for white picket fences.”
Hlanga: “That’s not true, you’ve just been through a lot but you survived. I am
sure there is someone out there who will accept you the way you are.”
Me: “Corny much?”
Hlanga: “mxm!” I laughed and he joined me. “So what type of ventures are you
interested in?”
Me: “I don’t know. That’s why I am drinking its my thinking process.” I know it
sounds weird but I think better when intoxicated.
Hlanga: “Lets not disturb the process than.” With that we carried on drinking and
after some time the pizza and the chips came in and we dugged in. Lonhle’s
friends kept popping up I guess you could say the pre-party was at his place. In
the early evening we all drove to Pretoria North. That’s were Keith was hosting
the party. It was so packed and not only with varsity girls. This Keith guy knew
how to throw a party. The setting was great, good music and company. I even
thought of a business idea.
Me: “Lonhle I need you to introduce me to this Keith guy.”
Lonhle: “He throws sick parties right?” I nodded “Okay let go find him and I will
bring him here.”
Me: “Sharp.” I looked at Hlanga who had girls around him already. Girls threw
themselves at him whereas I had to approach and make conversations that I
didn’t care about. I think it had to do with his physique, he was the first guy you
notice in the room whereas I was on the skinny side of life and I wasn’t an iron
guy like he was. After sometime Lonhle showed up with a skinny coloured looking
guy, than the name explained it all.
Lonhle: “Keith this is my other brother Clive and visa versa. Do your thing I need
me some honeys.”
Me: “Sure”
Keith: “Awe.”
Me: “So tell me do you do this for a living or? Throw parties I mean?”
Keith: “No, I just dj part-time as a hobby you know but I am actually a law
student.”
Me: “Oh I see. The thing is I like what I see here and I figured maybe you and I
could make something big out of this.”
Keith: “Something big like what?” he really didn’t see the bigger picture.
Me: “Pop-up parties and not just PTA it could be nationwide need be. Wherever
the wind blows us.”
Keith: “Wow that sounds sick. I like the idea.”
Me: “Cool lets exchange numbers and we’ll meet formally and talk it through.”
We exchanged numbers. “Keith this is good business and we could make huge
money out of it so I want someone who is serious and committed.”
Keith: “I wont disappoint. Wow to think I am not even getting paid for it right
now.” I laughed “I was just doing it to play my sound and give people a good
vibe.”
Me: “And you have made a name for yourself. Look I am kinda tipsy now so we
talk over the phone.”
Keith: “Okay. Thanks Clive man. You wont regret this.”
Me: “mmm sure.” With that we went our separate ways. Inspiration is
everywhere guys you just have to go out and find it. At a party just like that I had
found my new business venture.

Somewhere in South Africa...

We gathered at the warehouse like old times but things were different now.
Me: "First born, what do you have for me?" The whole situation had me fucked
up in the head.
Nathan: "Big man, its bad. The boy is connected to thee Deputy Chief Justice of
SA."
Que: "As in Kenneth James?"
Nathan: "Yes, its his grandfather and ..." Quinton sat down, defeated
Que: "His son is Bhekifa James" he looked at me "Phelo we can't be involved now,
we are not those people anymore."
Mnqobi: "What's stopping us? Quinton that scumbag preyed on my daughter.
Mina no bafo are not sitting back."
Me: "Bafo calm down. Quinton please leave if you are going to talk nonsense.
What were you going to do had it been Layla?" He kept quiet.
Lungelo: "Of course he wouldn't sit back, Chief Justice or whatever!!"
Siya: "We need to be vigilant and let Nathan and Ndu handle things." Were they
serious?
Me: "Its clear that you are thinking of your jobs more than my daughter, someone
I thought you considered family." I took the file Nathan had compiled. "Bafo
asambe, fuck the government!!!" Mnqobi and I left the warehouse.
Lungelo: "Phelo!! Bo Gumede!!" Mnqobi and I turned. "You can't leave like this."
Siya: "You know we are family. Hlelo is my daughter."
Que: "I am sorry for making it seem like I valued my job over what we are faced
with."
Me: "I don't want to get in this with you, not now. My family needs Mighty Phelo
right now and you are putting me on a leash."
Nathan: "I have a plan but I need you all to work with me."
Me: "I don't have time to beg anyone of you. If you value money over family
please, the door is yours" I looked at them and none of them left "I am glad
because there's nothing I wouldn't do for you guys."
Them: "We know." We sat down.
Me: "Hit us Nathan."
Nathan: "To take the James family down we need to comb into their lives."
Me: "From the file you gave me, its a whole empire we are talking about Nathan."
Nathan: "I know big man and my boys are good at being invisible and they always
come back with results. Siya wasn't wrong we need to distance you guys from
this."
Me: "I get that."
Nathan: "Phelo your status matters and so does your credibility. That's why
people like me exist. You trained me, I think like you guys so trust me when I say
Melisizwe,Bhekifa and Kenneth are going down."
Mnqobi: "Bafo." He looked at me to see if I agree with Nathan handling things.
Me: "Okay. Ndumiso will work with Zipho who's handling the whole case while
you and your boys do your thing." We all agreed "But Nathan I want to know
everything."
Nathan: "Of course."
Siya: "Nathan report to us even when there's a hiccup. We are highly connected
people now and we can pull strings in high places."
Nathan: "Of course. Let me get down with things and I will keep you posted." He
took his things and left.
Lungelo: "How are things at home?"
Me: "Things are bad Lungelo. I have ran out of ideas. If Hlelo is not crying her
mother is because she blaming herself with everything that's happening." Part of
me felt all of this was pay back for all the hurt and tears I have caused people over
the years. All the broken hearts that l left behind, Karma is a bitch!!

»07«
HLELO
So operation take Melisizwe James down was underway. The plan was to build a
strong statuory rape case, since we started having sex when I was 15. As I read
about that kind of rape I understood that I really didn’t know what I was doing.
Melisizwe literally saw a naïve high school girl and preyed on my weakness, I
never had a power in that relationship and he was so sly with his words that I
never saw it coming. Then I started to wonder how many times he has done this
because was just too good at it.
Baba: “Ndumiso uthini kimi?”(What are you saying to me?) He was pissed.
Something he's been since the truth came out. Ndumiso was Musa’s husband by
way and he used to wash baba’s cars so I am guessing that’s where they met with
the sister because they came out of nowhere and said they're getting married,
baba was so furious he beat the shit out of Ndumiso but mamazi calm the whole
situation down and he is some tech geek now. Anyway back to my situation
Zipho: “UncleDaddy the case is basically pointless. There’s literally no evidence
that Hlelo and this guy were in communication. All the texts are from Hlelo alone
and no reply from him.” Zipho is a lawyer now and a great one and the best big
brother in the world together with Zweli.
Ndu: “Instead it makes Hlelo look like an obsessed high school kid because she
was begging and nagging for his attention.” It all made sense now. There were no
records of our conversations. Whenever I texted him he called me instead.
Me: “He did say he didn’t like texting me, he just loved hearing my voice.” My
voice started getting shakey. I just left baba’s study and went to my room. Like
why did Melisizwe pick me out of everyone but in all honesty I wouldn't wish this
on anyone even Melody from school. Issa lot!!
Mamazi: “Aaaah my baby nkosi yam.” She came and gave me the tightest
embaces. “We’ll get through this, I promise.”
Me: “He never loved me, didn’t he?”
Mamazi: “By the looks of things Hlehle, he was playing you from the beginning.”
She looked at me with so much pity and I hated it. “I am really sorry that this is
happening to you. I wish I knew how to make it better.”
Me: “I just want to be left alone if you don’t mind.”
Mamazi: “Okay. Don’t you need anything?”
Me: “Donuts and a milkshake please and atchaar.”
Mamazi: "Haibo Hlehle iatchaar ngzoythathaph mina?"(where am I going to get
atchaar?)
Me: "I don't know mamazi, I want it and please don't forget the mayonnaise as
well."
Mamazi: "Okay." She left my room, my mother was a caring person generally but
she went a bit overboard with us as her kids. I was just so drained by the whole
situation and the thing was growing inside of me was making me hate my life
even more. After sometime both my older sisters came in Musa had my donuts
and Nosipho my strawberry milkshake together with my atchaar and mayo. I
hadn’t seen them since Christmas. Nosipho was travelling the world as part of her
research for her book and Musa was a coach for the national female hockey team,
so she was always on tour. Her and Ndu don’t have kids of their own. She always
said Ndu has enough kids for the both of them. The guy only had two kids, I just
felt kids were never part of Musa’s plans. As for Nosipho, she wanted nothing to
do with men, part of me felt she was a lesbian but she said she was married to
writing. I never judged any of them for their choices but after the Meli saga I was
done with men as well. Meli’s heartbreak alone felt like a heartbreak of 10 guys
each with different problems because his shadiness just kept on getting deeper
and the more we investigated. My case became a big deal. All the daddies and
mommies at our house every day apparently Melisizwe's family was very
influential. Basically my case and Melisizwe's case was David and Goliath in
reverse.
Me: “Still no progress?”
Daddy Que: "Would you be open to using the pregnancy as evidence?"
Mam Lisa: "Hayi Sizwe this case is different."
Mamazi: "Baby you get to decide what you want."
Me: "Baba what do you think we should do?" I honestly didn't know. The baby
didn't exist to me. He came and hugged me.
Baba: “Baby I am really sorry that this is happening.” He looked so defeated. I
hated seeing him like that. I missed the strong and obsessive him. Ever since this
whole thing came out he’s been frustrated. "I don't think you should use the
baby." Was he crazy? Then he wins!
Me: “Melisizwe doesn’t get to win baba. Can he get fired, blacklisted or
something. I cant be suffering alone.” I wanted to see him suffer or even die!!
Ndu: “That I can do.”
Musa: “Hayi Hlehle. Just let Karma take care of him.”
Mamazi: “Baby this is not you, you are just angry and hurt. Revenge is not
something yoh can handle. Don't let this turn your pure heart into stone.” it was
already too late. I hated everything about my life.
Baba: “Baba will handle things, He'll lose it all I will make sure of that.”
Mamazi: “Kodwa Qwabe I dont thi...”
Baba: “Hayi Zusakhe that psycho has been doing this for years and he’ll keep on
doing it unless he's stopped.”
Mamazi: “Yenza okubonayo Qophelo.”(Do whatever you feel is right) She said
surrendering. Whenever baba was like that there was no telling him otherwise.
Later that evening everyone left and Nosipho stayed since she had no house. She
decided to stay in the country until the following year. I had prelim exams to
prepare for.
=======
Life had to move on even though I hadn’t fully accepted my fate but I had to keep
moving. Emma and Namhla were so supportive throughout the whole saga. I
couldn’t ask for better best friends. Melisizwe “resigned” a month after my father
had said he was going to take care of it and I was happy.
Mamazi: "Hlehle what is your problem? Starving yourself won't change that this is
happening." Can she just shut up for once, I was carrying the damn thing!!
Me: "Please leave me alone mamazi!! All you talk about now is my health and the
baby, what about me? You have no idea what I am going through!!"
Mamazi: "Hlehle I am only trying ..."
Me: "Oh shut up and take me home please!!!" I was admitted at the hospital that
day because of high stress levels, blood pressure and the fact that I wasnt eating
properly. Yes I was starving the damn thing so it can die. Things were bad at
home, I was cruella di vil apparently because of the hormones, no one knew or
understood my pain. My whole world was shattered because I still loved that
monster and I wanted to not love him so bad. I had to go for weekly check-ups
since I wasn’t gaining the weight necessary to carry a baby and that was
worrisome to be honest if the baby didn’t survive it wouldn’t have been the end
of the world. After I wrote my last prelim exam, I found my mother waiting for us
and the boys were already in the car.
Lakhe: “Mamazi please drop us off at Lume Nkayi’s house.”
Mamazi: “Hawu guys I thought we were spending spring-break together.”
Alime: “We’ll come back sometime nextweek mamazi. We promise.” I was just
quiet the whole time. I couldn’t visit because of my check-ups
Mamazi: “Mmh kay. I guess its just you and I Hlehle because the younger ones
have gone to Auntiza wam.” Baba had two younger sisters who also were twins.
Aunty Kuhle and Thando. But we called Aunty Thando, Auntiza wam.
Me: “I guess.” We drove to Westville to drop the boys off and we took the route
back home.
Mamazi: “So how are you and the baby?”
Me: “Mamazi id like us to not talk about this baby if you don’t mind.”
Mamazi: “Haibo Gugulethu how long are you going to be in denial about the
pregnancy?” I kept quiet because I never wanted this baby to begin with. “You are
due in 3 months in case you forgot.”
Me: “I am the one carrying this thing so trust me I know. Mamazi I never wanted
this baby, you basically forced me to keep it. So if denial will make it disappear
than so be it.” We were home. I got out the car and went in the house.
Mamazi: “Wee Gugulethu wena ungazo chasula mina. Yim owakthuma ngathi
hambo vulela uthisa wakho imlenze?”(Dont piss me off.Did I send you to go open
your legs for your teacher?) I just looked at her “Didn’t I warn you about boys?”
she was really pissed. Friendly mamazi went out the door.
Me: “You did.” I said in a low tone.
Mamazi: “After all is said and done you are the one who told me he didn’t force
himself on you so it means you allowed him to do whatever.” I kept quiet because
all she was saying was the truth “I am not judging you and again I am sorry he
took advantage of your love but that baby didn’t ask for all of this and that baby is
not Melisizwe. Your anger is misdirected.” I was now crying. Stupid pregnancy
hormones “Lets go for a drive.” I didn’t hesitate I just followed her back to the car
and we took a drive to a place called Safe Haven Crisis centre.
Me: “Mamazi sifunani lana?”(What are we doing here?)
Mamazi: “Uzobona(You'll see). Come.” We got out the car and I went inside and
the place was top notch it look like a hospital and day care centre but not
necessarily because there was a playground outside and inside there was a
cafeteria and I got hungry that instant and mamazi just giggled “Trudy can we get
menus please.” After some time a well aged woman gave us menus
Me: “I will have large onion rings with fries and a healthy sub.”
Trudy: “Anything to drink?”
Me: “Chocolate milkshake please.”
Mamazi: “I will have your sparkling water with lemon please and a banana.”
Me: “WoW you know how to make a person feel bad.” We laughed
Mamazi: “I had brunch with baba so I am still full.”
Me: “Where is he?”
Mamazi: “He left on business he should be back in a week.”
Me: “Wow and he didn’t say anything this morning.”
Mamazi: “It was last minute baby, I was also disappointed.” My food came and I
indulged while mamazi had her banana and water. I cleaned my plate, the food
was too good plus I was eating for 2 so I guess me finishing it made sense. “Are
you good?”
Me: “I am perfect. Just need water.” We got up and she went take bottled water
and she gave them to me. “So why are we here?”
Mamazi: “You know your mamazi is not just a glamorous housewife and mother.”
Me: “Really you have job but Mamazi you are always at home?”
Mamazi: “Wow the little you think of me kodwa. I am business woman since I was
23 years old actually but that not the point. This is my biggest achievement this
centre since its not about money and it is kinda close to my heart because of my
personal experiances.”
Me: “Okay what happens here?”
Mamazi: “We deal with victims of abuse, rape and abandoned babies. We also
have sisterhood programme for young, single adults and you are just about the
right age actually. The session is about to start so go in and listen.” I went in and I
found a comfortable seat. There were so many young pregnant teens, I was
actually shocked. The hall was spacious but it was almost full. Full of girls and
woman of all age groups.
Person: “Hi my name is Nonkonzo Mkhonza. Are you new here?” my mother was
long gone by than
Me: “Yes I am. I am Gugulethu Gumede.” I always use my second name, I loved it.
Nonkonzo: “Would you like to sign-up to join our Safe-Haven family?”
Me: “Yeah sure.” I took the clipboard and started filling the form.
Nonkonzo: “Are you perhaps related to Mrs Gumede?”
Me: “I am.”
Nonkonzo: “That woman is amazing. The things she does, especially this centre. It
has helped a lot of people. Incuding me and my family.”
Me: “Really. Tell me more.” I felt proud a little to be my mama’s daughter. We all
want to hear good things about our mothers.
Nonkonzo: “My family and I went through a lot man. Money stuff and she came
through offered my mother a job. Trudy the caf lady and I went back to school we
good now.”
Me: “Wow that is great man. I think I am done filling in these.” She took it and
checked it.
Nonkonzo: “You are in matric and you pregnant wow girl. You should tell the girls
your story we have so many drop outs here and they have just given up.” I just
nodded I wasn’t comfortable “I am in matric as well and I am 22 years so..” I was
shook and she saw it “I know, it took a lot of convincing from Mrs Gumede but
the one thing I liked about her was she didn’t push me. I made the decision to go
back to school myself and I had to start in grade 9. But look at me now I am
almost done with high school and I have been provisionally accepted in some
universities.” I was really moved by her story I wont lie “You should join our study
group it really helps.”
Me: “Really where?”
Nonkonzo: “Here, everyday. We have a library, study area and computer labs here
so we really have no excuse. After school I take a taxi and it drops me off here and
than later there is a shuttle that drops us off at our homes or we just sleep here I
mean this place has beds.”
Mamazi: “Hayi maan Nkonzo, you talk too much. Baby are you still fine?” I didn’t
even see her coming. Nonkonzo was all up in her face hugging her. “You love me
too much Nkonzo. Have you met my daughter Hlelo?” The girl was a groupy
clearly.
Nonkonzo: “I thought you said Gugulethu.”
Me: “That’s my first name and mamazi I signed up to join.”
Mamazi: “That’s great. Can we start please?” the ladies started gathering around.
We sat in bin bags or chairs whatever you felt comfortable in and there were
couches as well. I guess they were for us pregnant ladies. The session commenced
and my mother was conducting it wow. This woman clearly has a hidden talent.
Because when she talks they listen whereas at home no one took her seriously.
“Last week I gave you homework which was to find out what “Self” meant. Does
anyone have answer for me?” There was silence “Remember there is no wrong
answer guys.” A girl stood up and she was pregnant too, you could tell by her
swollen nose. “Stha khuluma sisi”(Talk)
Stha: “According to my understanding “Self” means individual or me as a living
person.”
Mamazi: “That’s good. Round of applause please.” We clapped for her. “So today
we going to be talking about Self-esteem vs self-worth and Self-respect vs Self-
love.” People started taking out notebooks and jotting down notes. I wasn’t
prepared hay, I felt out of place. Next-thing I am being handed a Self-Haven
goodie bag. With a t-shirt, water bottle and stationery including a notebook. I
didn’t waste time I also started taking notes of the whole session because those
were some good stuff “Is there anyone would give me a definition for each of
those?” total silence. If it were at my school the white kids would’ve attacked her
with answers by now I thought to myself. “You know what, I am going to give you
a scenario and you are going to give me an answer based on those words on the
white screen.” She cleared her throat and took a sip of water “Lets say Bab’
Gumede divorces me and he says a lot of hurtful things like you are crazy and ugly
and not worthy to be my wife anymore.” That will never happen, that man loved
this woman too much.
Nkonzo: “I love examples or scenarios about Bab’ Gumede.” I laughed as she
whispered in my ear.
Mamazi: “When he is gone I start to believe every word he said and even carry
myself in that manner. What are we dealing with here?” I was ready to answer
shame so I put my hand up. “Gugulethu.”
Me: “First of all that will never happen.” Mamazi and I laughed the rest of the
ladies laughed as well “The answer is self-esteem vs self-worth.”
Mamazi: “That’s good. Care to elaborate.” Gqi fullstop. I was out of answers
Nkonzo: “Phendula(answer) sisi, angith you are clever.” She was busy laughing at
me.
Me: “Mxm. Yabhora yaz.” She was still laughing.
Mamazi: “Anyone who wants to help her?” silence “I wil point at someone
myself.” Someone’s hand went up “Yes you. Are you new here?” she nodded
“Start with your name please.”
Girl: “My name is Thuso Dlame.” She cleared her throat “Bab’ Gumede’s hurtful
words were directed towards your confidence and abilities like your beauty,
mental stability and your ability to be a wife. According to the self-esteem
definition “confidence in one’s ability.” As for your self-worth you made this
words true by believing him because only the “Self” as in the person can
determine one's worth.” Mamazi clapped for the girl and we followed. Her
answer was right. Nkonzo put up her hand and mamazi nodded
Nkonzo: “I am not saying that Thuso is wrong but I honestly don’t see the
difference.”
Mamazi: “That’s where I wanted us to go. Give Nkonzo a round of applause
ladies.” We did just that “There is no difference one cannot exist without the
other or they are more or less the same basically they're complements. Same
goes with self-respect complements self-love. When you love something you
respect it. Am I wrong?”
Us: “No.” it was true.
Mamazi: “When you see yourself excelling in maths or whatever skill you have.
You find yourself worthy to be among math geniuses and so forth. Am I wrong?”
Us: “No.”
Mamazi: “My children everything is dependent on the self. The next person
shouldn’t matter because they are also faced with the same situation which is
self. So build your self-esteem and find yourself worthy of anything that it good
for you. Also love and respect yourself.” We clapped for her because the sister
was the truth man. “You know some of you single ladies always come up to me
and ask me relationship advice and stuff like that. I never give an answer. You
must answer yourself, I just give you questions to ask yourself about the step you
are about to take. Who knows my questions? Yes Pumla” she giggled I am
guessing she has asked for relationship advice
Pumla: “The first question is to list 3 people you love the most.”
Mamazi: “And on that list I don’t care about the order but number 1 is "self". You
know how much I love Bab’ Gumede and the kids but they know that I love myself
the most.”
Nkonzo: “That’s so true. Look at her body, you can see she takes care of herself.” I
just nodded because it was true.
Mamazi: "You can't pour from an empty cup, you need to take care of yourself
first." We nodded “After putting yourself first I need you understand that not
everyone is going to be happy about that and than the name selfish comes up. It’s
a lie, don’t entertain it. One is only selfish when whatever they are doing affects
the next person negatively. So tell me if you busy loving yourself and taking care
of yourself and also minding your own business ulimaze bani?”(who did you
hurt?)
Us: “No one.” We clapped again at the truth.
Mamazi: “Please don’t take this the wrong way because there is fine line. Putting
yourself first does at some point become selfish and that’s where most people
have it wrong. Like I said I love and respect Bab’ Gumede but I have duty to
honour him and take care of those kids he gave me. A vow I took in front of God.
So if Sthembi or Mbali calls and say we must meet up for dinner or whatever and I
want to go out with them but Gugulethu has a fever or one of her siblings has a
project he needs help with.” She drank her water aside “I have to put my wants
aside and stay at home and deal with the situation I am faced with. Because one
night of fun is worth nothing compared to the consequences of Gugulethu’s fever
getting worse and getting admitted or her brother fails because he didn’t hand in
his project. I am now faced with bigger problems than a fun night with my friends.
You understand? We were bit confused “My point here zingane zam is we all have
roles here. Nkonzo here is a daughter to her mother. Stha there is a daughter to
her parents and she is about to assume the role of a mother and that comes with
great responsibility. So wena Phindile there who is granddaughter and a mother
you first have to understand what your responsibilities are as a granddaughter so
that you can be a better mother. Your responsibilities involve being obedient,
respectful and submitting to your grandmother’s rules and teaching because you
are under her roof. Than pass on those rules and teaching to your son. Everything
will fall into place in a manner that with the understanding your roles you will end
up adapting and making decision based on those roles.” I had grasped the
concept of my mother’s teachings. It bought me back to her and baba reminding
us whenever we got out of hand that this was their house and we had to respect
them in their house and follow the rules. I now understood the reason behind it.
It was a role I had to play, an obedient and respectful daughter while their roles
as my parents was teach and guide me and also provide for me not forgetting
protect.
Me: “Since you give relationship advice. Id like to know how I get over someone.”
Voice: “Yes please.”
Mamazi: “I am no relationship expert but the process of moving on is long and
brutal that I know. I remember alcohol was my best friend during all my break
ups.” We laughed “I am joking alcohol is bad guys stay away from it.” We were
still laughing. “One thing you need to give yourself is time. Be patient with
yourself, you are allowed to take as much time putting back the pieces as you did
loving him.” That made so much sense. I wanted to be over Meli so bad. “The
healing process could never be rushed. If you want mini-skirts and crop tops don’t
even bother” than we laughed.
Stha: “I think you just opened our eyes.”
Mamazi: “I am glad than. Here are 8 things to take with you after a break-up 1.
Accept the empty feeling. He is gone and he is never coming back and if he does
its not real because after that things become toxic. 2. Cut off all contact for real.
Isolate so you can rebuild 3. Feel your feelings. All the anger, resentment and hurt
don't deny yourself from those feelings so you can heal properly. 4. Challenge
your negative energy. You all know we have a gym here and sports epuipment so
you really have no excuse. Physical activity really does help 5. Be brutally honest
with yourself. This one is very, very important. You need to sit down and confront
yourself with the truth and introspect. 6. Do you. Yes girls, we want happy sisters
and happy mothers doing themselves. So have a glass of red wine, do your nails
whatever that keeps you alive 7. Go back out there. Don’t be afraid to try again
you might lose out of uBab Gumede. And lastly 8. Look towards the future and
don’t look back. Nothing is left for you there. The past holds us back from
happiness.” We clapped our hands. I made sure I wrote everything down. “Thank
you so much guys next week will be focusing mainly on self-loving. I want you to
come back to me with ideas of self-loving. Lastly apparently we have a braai-day
tomorrow in commerating heritage day. So come wearing your traditional attire.
Thank you.” she took her things and walked up to me.
Me: “You were amazing today.” I hugged her. I was so proud of her. The things
she spoke about was of a woman with so much wisdom.
Mamazi: “Thank you baby. This what I do when I am not slaving for you and your
siblings.” She said smiling. She looked really happy.
Me: “I am part of the family now. Why didn’t you bring me sooner?”
Mamazi: “Baby you don’t necessarily scream black you know and your best friend
is white and the black one is a snob just like you. These are kasi girls, I didn’t think
you’ll fit in and now I realise I made a huge mistake.”
Me: “Yeah you messed up. Elihle should start coming as well to avoid another
teenage pregnancy in the Gumede Kingdom.”
Mamazi: “That’s an idea yaz but not for the teenage pregnancy part because it
will be good for her.”
Me: “And that too.” We laughed “I was thinking maybe after I give birth I will stay
at home for that year and find myself and maybe be the mother I know I can be.”
She looked at me shook “You were right mamazi my anger was misdirected and
after seeing so many girls in my situation I just realized that its not the end of the
world and I can do this.”
Mamazi: “Of course you can. You are a strong person Hlehle never doubt that.” I
nodded “We’ll get through this, you are not alone.”
Me: “I know.” We got in the car and drove home. That day was life changing for
me, I was so grateful to God for leading me down this path because I had so many
doubts and regrets and I had forgotten that he has plans for us and he will make
us prosper.

»08«
THINGO
I have always wondered how life for me would’ve turned out for me had my
father been someone I know or someone who was in my life. I never knew what
happened between him and my mother and by the way life turned out I will never
know. I didn’t even know his name. Whenever I asked my mother about him or a
topic about him came up she will just shut me up with money or tell me I
shouldn’t worry about things that might hurt me. She always got angry or
defensive whenever we’d talk about him. The adult Thingo started making stories
in her head about him and what might have happened between them. Some of
my thoughts took me to where I had made him a Ghanian professor who was
here on business and my mother was a student and things got weird and I was
conceived. My theory is based on that fact that my mother was a 1st year
Accounting student when she fell pregnant with me and she never got to finish
her degree because of me. The second reason will be because of my skin tone, I
may have not been Kenyan model Ajuma Nasenyana dark but I was dark
regardless. I had my mother’s beauty going for me because she was a beautiful
woman but not her skin tone because she was way lighter than me but my point
here is I must’ve taken my father’s skin tone. Whatever stories I came up with
about my father, good or bad they still didn’t make him real because I didn’t have
the truth about him. One thing I could never get myself to accept about him
though was the fact that he was dead. Accepting that would’ve meant I was an
orphan for real and I had no-one in this world because uncle Sthelo was good as
dead to me. I wasn’t saying that out of anger but of the reality that was infront of
me. I once overheard a conversation between him and his wife where my aunt
was asking for forgiveness from my uncle. They were in their bedroom so I
couldn’t properly hear what the fight was about. What stood out for me though
was my uncle’s angry voice and him saying “You lied to me Nomusa for 13 years.
You know my family warned me about you and how evil you are.” My aunt got
hysterical and started crying. Whatever lie that was it cost her, her husband
because he left the following day and we haven’t seen him since but he still sent
money though judging by the fact that we were still good with the needs of the
house. Snothi gave birth to an adorable baby girl Anathi. I was in love with her.
Themba was taking care of them and he always came to check-up on them. I
guess he couldn’t be an ass to his own. Anathi was such a happy child always
smiling and singing. I wasn’t lying because she was forever making baby sounds
we didn’t understand so I took them as songs. Snothi was less bitcheir after she
gave birth, I must say the baby grounded her. The year ended on a high note for
me. I was provisionally accepted at Wits and UP for law and UJ took me for
econometrics. The bursaries said they will make their decision after my final
exams marks. I knew I passed but how was the question. As I was thinking about
my life Hlanga’s call came in.
Me: “Hello.”
Hlanga: “Oh you up. Get ready Lonhle is coming to fetch to buy the paper.” Oh
wow I didn’t see that one coming.
Me: “He doesn’t have to. I will just go to fetch my statement later.”
Hlanga: “Woman you like making things difficult. Just get dressed, I am sure he’s
at the gate now.” I got out the bed and found his sweatpants I stole when I was at
his house.
Me: “Hlanga you are such a bully.” He chuckled
Hlanga: “I wish I was there with you. I cant wait for you to go fetch your
statement that’s too far.” He was so extra sometimes. He had been supportive
through out my exams. Even when I was restless from helping Snothi with Anathi
at night and my aunt trying to sarbotoge me at every turn. He reminded me that
varsity was worse so this was trial run.
Me: “You are so dramtatic.” I was leaving the house everyone was sleeping
anyways and like he said Lonhle’s car was parked outside.
Hlanga: “You don’t understand I am nervous.” Lonhle and I laughed at him, he
sounded weird. I only knew the uptight him
Me: “I cant deal with you right now, you are making me nervous as well.” I
laughed “I will call you when I have the result.”
Hlanga: “Don’t you dare hang up on me Thingo. We are in this together.” To say I
wasn’t happy would’ve been a lie. Now I wished he was here but I wasn’t going to
tell him that “Bafo kant awukafiki yin? Tongaat is not that big.” I decided to put
him on loud speaker
Lonhle: “Would you shut up we are here and its full. Tee stay in the car ngyeza.”
Me: “Okay.” He got out the car. “I think I am more nervous than you now.”
Hlanga: “There’s no need you know you did great.”
Me: “Yeah I know but how great is the question.” As I was asking the question
Lonhle came back with the paper “He’s back!!” I shouted
Hlanga: “Lets go find out how great you did Thingo lwam.” He sounded so sincere.
With that I jumped out the car and I grabbed the paper while handing him my
phone. I put it on the bonnet of the car and started with my search from school
districts to school names. I found my school name and I started search my exam
number. And there it was. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I screamed out of
excitement “Fuck Thingo how did it go?” I was jumping around and screaming
Lonhle: “Just show me your exam number I will tell him.” I showed him and
carried on screaming. I mama I made. “Shit!! She got 6 distinctions.” Yeah you got
that right. The only distinction I didn’t get was Mathematics, I wasn’t going to get
it I knew that. So my distinctions were in Zulu home language, English, Economics,
Physics, Geography and Life Orientation, I mean that was a given.
Hlanga: “Damn!! The girl wasn’t playing. I am so proud of you Thingo lwam.”
Me: “Thank you. Thank you.” I couldn’t stop smiling. I was beyond the word
happy. The only thing missing about that moment were my parents.
Hlanga: “All is left now is for you email the busary people your statement and
come to register.”
Me: “Yeah I will do that later.” It was in the early hours of the morning “I still have
to choose. I am not sure about Joburg anymore.”
Hlanga: “Pretoria is still fine baby.” This petname calling of his gets my insides to
turn.
Me: “I was thinking of just staying in KZN and maybe going to UKZN.” I was pulling
his leg.
Hlanga: “Thingo come on we spoke about this.” I didn’t understand why he got so
worked up whenever I spoke about not going to Joburg but it was funny to hear
him pissed, I found pleasure in his anger. I chose to laugh at him
Me: “You are so uptight though.” I was still laughing “I was joking.”
Hlanga: “You like getting me worked up.” Oh yes I found plessure out of it “I will
get you for this.”
Me: “Okay whatever. I am back at home now. We’ll talk later.”
Hlanga: “Sharp.”
Me: “Thank you for today bafo.” He chuckled
Lonhle: “Not a problem and congratz again neh.” He looked so much like his
brother. All dark and china eyes the difference was he wasn’t buff like his brother.
Me: “Thank you.” I got out the car and made my way back into the house. And I
found Aunty Nomusa making baby food for Anathi and when I checked the time in
the big clock it was something to 5am. Explained the sun coming out.
A.N: “Kaze ubuyaphi”(Where are you coming from?) luckily I took the paper from
Lonhle. The plan was to frame it.
Me: “Kade ngyothenga iphepha aunty.”(I went to buy the paper) I decided to tell
her how great I did “Aunty ngiphasile ngo distinction abawu 6.”(I passed with 6
distinctions)
A.N: “Hawu ngempela?”(Really?) I nodded with so much excitement “Okay.” With
that she left the room with Anathi’s bottle. Part of me knew that she didn’t care
but a part of me thought if I do great maybe she might find it in her heart to
accept me and love me as her daughter. I went to our room and said a long prayer
to God for getting me to a point of having something so great, something that no
one could ever take from me. Some of you might think passing matric is not a big
deal but trust me it is especially to someone like me. I needed something to hold
to either than the memories of my dead mother and that was my matric results. I
didn’t know God’s plan about my life but I was trusting him regardless because I
got that far and he hadn’t disappointed me. Of course there were minor setbacks
like my aunt but she gave me a roof over my head and food and this education
that I can claim what more can a person ask for. To me those were signs of love. I
couldn’t sleep anymore, I was too excited so I got on with my day. I cleaned the
house and washed Anathi’s washing and made breakfast. I cleaned up after
breakfast and went to get ready to fetch my statement. I was leaving that house
one way or another. I didn’t have a plan and I certainly didn’t want to be so
dependent on Hlanga so it was all on me to make sure I leave that house. I wore a
casual olive green jumpsuit with sandals. I had braids on my hair that Nele had
done on me when I went to visit her so I left them loose. My style had improve
with the money in Hlanga’s card and hanging with Nele who was a fashionista. I
took the walk to school and it seemed like I was early but it didn’t matter I had a
lot things to do. I got my statement and the principal congratulated me together
with Miss Mchunu. She was a sweetie pie that one. I told her my plan which was
that I didn’t have one and she said its all on me. She was right it was all in my
hands. After I got my statement I went to town and found the nearest internet
café and emailed everything as I was making my way to the rank, emails of
acceptance started flooding in. it was really happening, I thought to myself. I am
going to varsity. The taxi dropped me off at the taxi stop and I got off and dialled
Hlanga. He had to hear about this.
Hlanga: “Sure.” He sounded asleep. I felt bad he was working the nightshift.
Me: “No sleep, we’ll talk later.”
Hlanga: “You called and I answered, talk woman.”
Me: “You are so grumpy when you wake up.” He chuckled “Anyway I got my
acceptance email from both UP and Wits. Joburg here I come.” I said in
excitement.
Hlanga: “Really, you woke me up for that? Mxm!” Ouch. He was really grumpy
and I was a bit hurt.
Me: “Hawu okay. Sorry bye.” With that I hung up. My mood dropped from 100 to
0 that moment. It was the first time Hlanga had ever done that to me so please
understand. He called again I didn’t have the energy anymore “Hello.”
Hlanga: “That was for earlier.” He laughed. It came back, he did say he’ll get me. I
joined the laugh
Me: “Oh you got me.” he was still laughing
Hlanga: “I know. You sounded so hurt.”
Me: “I was. I thought you didn’t care anymore.”
Hlanga: “Not in a million years baby.” He was back the forever so caring Hlanga
“You did great baby there was no way they weren’t going to accept you. So when
is registration?”
Me: “In 2 weeks and I am sure the bursary people will have answered by than.”
Hlanga: “Lets hope, Did you send them your statement?”
Me: “Yes I did. Look I am almost home. We’ll talk on whatsapp.” the phone was
still a secret.
Hlanga: “Sharp.” He hung up and I walked faster home. When I got there I was
met by a crying Anathi and a relaxed Aya and no sign of either the mother or my
aunt.
Me: “Haibo Ayabonga ingane iyakhala.”(The baby is crying)
Aya: “And ubanga umsindo.”(She's making a noise) I looked at her shook “What?
she is not my baby. They said I must watch her not worry about her.” And carried
on watching tv. This girl showed me another side of her. I was a bit scared I wont
lie. I took her and went to feed her mashed potatoes that were in the fridge.
Snothi did make things easy for Aya she just didn’t care because all her bottles
had milk in them. The child was so hungry guys and she was an eater. I gave her
baby milk and she sucked until she dosed off. She wasn’t a hassle. I went to put
her down and went to our room.
Aya: “Tee you did exceptionally well.” She had my statement in her hands. I
couldn’t help but smile “Well done mzala.”
Me: “Thank you baby. Hard work does pay off.”
Aya: “I believe that now. I am going to high school next year and I am taking your
tips with me. I want to maintain my good marks just like you. I cant be a Snothi
ngeke.” I laughed. Her sister still didn’t have matric apparently she was still on
maternity leave. I thought that was for working people.
Me: “Keep that spirit than you will never be her.” She nodded “So tell me what’s
with you and Anathi?”
Aya: “Nothing. I just don’t like the baby man. Ever since she came mama doesn’t
care about me everything is about Snothi and the baby.” She said with so much
anger and disgust. That’s the only life I knew, she was new to it I guess.
Me: “Haibo Aya tell that to your mother Anathi didn’t do anything.”
Aya: “Mxm.” she left the room I followed and went to start cooking.
========
Me: “Okay. Thank you so much. You too.” I hung up. I had just spoken to the
bursary people confirming my acceptance and the details in between. It was really
happening, I was going to be a law student at Wits.
A.N: “Thingo une phone?”(You have a phone?) my excitement was shortlived.
"Kanjan nje(How) because I didn't buy it for you?" I had been so careful, the
whole year. How did I get so reckless? “Phendula!”(answer me) she came closer
and I turned to look at her. Her face was of a person spitting fire.
Me: “…” no words came out of my mouth. I was caught and that was it. Out of
nowhere she charged for me and gave me one hot slap that caused me to
accidentaly drop the phone
A.N: “Ngikhuluma nawe, uyathula. Nxa”(I am talking to you and you keep quiet.) I
was looking down on my phone. Next thing the monster that my aunt was,
stepped on it and it was over with it “You don’t need a phone.” I felt like my heart
had been broken down into pieces. Everything was on that phone, I didn't even
know Hlanga's number off by heart. To top it all off registration was in 2 days, I
had to talk to Hlanga about the travelling arrangements because I knew nothing
about Joburg. I ran to my room and started crying. That monster had taken
something from me, it was my only chance to get out of that hell. “When you are
done crying please come and make me tea.” She said so calmly like what she did
was okay. I stood up and I started with tea, crying wasn’t going to change my
situation. After some time Snothi came back with her study material she was
going to some finishing school in Durban. “Thingo you will help with Anathi.
Snothi is going to be full-time in Durban.”
Me: “Angizwanga?”(I beg your pardon) I was so shook, these people clearly have
lost their minds, I thought to myself.
Snothi: “Don’t worry. I will come back every weekend if the workload is not too
much.”
Me: “…” they had a plan clearly and it involved me mothering a child that wasn’t
mine.
A.N: “Snothi, Ayabonga and I will be going to help Snothi settle in this weekend so
you and Anathi should be fine with the food I bought.” she stood up and left me a
bit shocked and confused. So I didn't have a say in all of this?
Snothi: “Yoh mzala its going to be such a great experience for me. Durban seems
to be happening.” she said smiling. This is why I was staying home for Snothi to
party mxm! I stood up and went to cook for them since I was their nanny and
maid anyway. I wanted to put poison in their food but I couldn’t since Aya was
eating that food as well. I was out of ideas I felt stuck. How was I going to get
myself out of this mess? I had nothing against Anathi she was only a baby the
problem was when they made her my problem. Registration day came and passed
and I couldn’t help but blame myself for being reckless with the phone, I had the
perfect escape plan. I was going to go as if I was going to town my bags would’ve
been packed and waiting at the outside toilet because no one uses it and leave
and never look back because there was nothing for me there Aya will be fine
without me, it was her home more than mine. I couldn’t do that since Anathi slept
with me, yes I had moved to Snothi’s room. I still had to help Aya prepare for
school than look after Anathi like day-care and crèche didn’t exist. Aunt Nomusa
just wanted to torture me because she literally didn’t do anything the whole day,
this was a test, it had to be because no person should live like I was living. To
think I had options mxm! Aunty came back late that night and I wondered where
she’d been the whole day
Aya: “Ma you are late today. Even when you go to town you don’t come back at
this time.”
A.N: “I got a job as a cleaner at the Municipality offices in town.” I wasn’t ready
for that one.
Aya: “Wow but why?”
A.N: “Haisuka man Ayabonga you ask too many questions. Make me some tea.”
Me: “And food?”
A.N: “Fine nakho kulethe.”(You can bring it) I stood up and Anathi crawled behind
me. She was a lazy baby an 8 month old should be tip toeing around the house I
felt. I dished up for her and I took the crawling lady and went to prepare bathing
water for her. She slept better when she was fresh before bed. That had became
my life taking care of a baby that wasn’t mine. Time went by I was sure late
registration was closed now because it was in the middle of March. There was
nothing I could do, I had accept that I was stuck and I was a nanny now. Part of
me hoped that Hlanga would rock up and I will just run away with him, I had
nothing to lose honestly. Given the opportunity, I would run and never look back.
On this day it was just Anathi and I. Aya was at school and Aunty was at work. We
had run out of almost everything and Themba had given me the money to buy
whatever I needed. He was a responsible father I give him that. I had no choice
but to go with Anathi to town. I strapped her on my back and we went to town
and bought Anathi’s necessities. On my way home I saw Nele and her friends. I
decided to unsee her. I couldn’t bring myself to let her see me like that. I got in
the taxi as fast as I could and it was almost full and in no time the last person got
in and we left. I felt a bit relieved because I was in no space to see her and let
alone explain Anathi because it was going to get to me explaining my situation
and my sudden disappearance on social media.
======
Uncle came for some weird reason. Seeing him felt weird especially after the
conversation I overheard. He seemed happy and he looked good
U.S: “Mshana.”
Me: “Malume. Kade sakugcina.”(It's been a while)
U.S: “Umsebenzi mshana.”(work)
Me: “Are the mines treating you good?” yeah my uncle was a mine worker in
Witbank
U.S: “Konke kusa kahle. Mzukulu lomphethe.”(Is that my granddaughter?)
Me: “Yebo. Akafuni ukulala.”(She doesn't want to sleep)
U.S: “Mlethe la.”(Bring her here) I gave her to him.
Me: “Malume what can you tell me about my father?” I had to know maybe he
knew something
U.S: “Thingo just drop it. I promised your mother that we’ll never speak of him.”
Me: “Malume umama akasekho. Its just me now because lets be honest its like
you don’t exist. So if I have family out there id like to know about it.” He sighed
and kept on brushing Anathi’s back who was sleeping comfortably on her
grandfather’s chest.
U.S: “Thingo I am sorry that I am not here enough for you to feel like I am your
family. Me being in the mines is a sacrifice I had to make for a better life for my
family and you.” He sighed again “Phili never told me the whole story. I remember
that she came home pregnant and said she couldn’t carry on with her studies. My
older sisters and I were so disappointed. Phili had always been a smart girl hence
why she even made it to university.” I never knew that about my mother. I guess I
got the brains from her “Our older sisters disowned her when she came back
home pregnant and so she moved out of our family home. I was her brother and I
couldn’t abandon her so we kept contact. She found herself a job in Durban and
was able to study part-time which later got her better job opportunities that’s
why she was able to give you a comfortable life.”
Me: “Malume I feel like we are diverting from this conversation.”
U.S: “I am not, I want you to understand that Phili was a very quiet person and
getting her to open up took time. She struggled a lot raising you but she never
gave up. I saw how much she struggled because sometimes she would leave you
with strangers when she tried keeping 3 jobs so you guys can survive. I one day
decided to ask her why doesn’t she seek help from your father and she lashed out
and said “We don’t need Sizwe in our lives bhuti, Thingo and I will be fine.” So I
held on to that first name we later had another conversation and she opened up
about his name which was Phathisizwe Nxumalo and she added that he rejected
you from birth because of his wife.” I wasn’t ready for what I heard
Me: “So mama slept with a married man?”
U.S: “It looks that way. Phili wasn’t perfect, she was human just like you so see
her efforts and be the person she raised you to be. If she felt your father was a
man you needed to stay away from than respect that.”
Me: “Did she say where he was from?”
U.S: “eNquthu. I am only telling you this so I can ease you curiosity.” I didn’t know
where to start if I were to look for him. But why look for him whereas he had
already rejected me.
Me: “Ngyabonga malume now I can sleep with ease. Can you explain the death of
my mother?”
U.S: “Uyangpheka ngembuzo namhlanje. I don’t really know but the last time I
spoke to your mother she was anxious saying she suspects that her boss was
doing fraudulent things.” Explains the hard drives that those thugs demanded so
much while they were stabbing her “Your mother’s boss was a very bad man.”
She always said, I still remember how much she hated him but she had to work
for him because we needed the money.
Me: “Malume id like to further my education even part time if I have to.”
U.S: “Oh. Thingo I don’t have money for you to further your education. The
money your mother left is the one that you have been surviving with.” It was so
not about the money.
Me: “I got a bursary earlier this to study law and some varsities had accepted
me.”
U.S: “How is that going to work with you and Anathi?” I thought he had my back
and him and I were family. Clearly I was wrong he was just like his wife.
Me: “I guess it wont work.”
U.S: “We’ll see when Anathi goes to crèche. Maybe you will join Snothi in
Durban.” These people were never going to let me go and it was evident. I took
the decision to get myself out one way or another. The following day I did my
daily routine which was help Aya get ready and now that Aunty had a job she also
woke up round about the same time. After they left I prepared Anathi because we
were going out, I left uncle’s food since he was still sleeping in the microwave and
we took a taxi to town and we walked to Nele’s school.

»08«
CONTINUED
HLELO
I became the laughing stalk of the school when I all of a sudden gained all the
weight I had been missing in my pregnancy. My uniform wouldn’t fit me anymore
and I was a ball of hormones. I didn’t let it get to me, I was on the “Self-loving” tip
and I had come to understand that I was a priority before anyone else. If I was
fine and had accepted my life that was enough. The sessions at the centre were
helping my confidence together with the study group I joined. There were quite a
lot of matrics some even joined after me. Alime tutored maths and geography to
some of us who had it as a subject and mamazi got us varsity students with the
other subjects and Nosipho helped us with Languages since she majored in them
in varsity. We had all the help we needed to ace our finals. The support system
from the staff at Safe-haven was enomous. During our study breaks we got study
snacks and Trudy’s cooking it was off the hook but nothing beats mamazi’s
cooking though. Sometimes abandoned children came we had to help with them
but only if you wanted to. I helped with the newborns because I was about to be a
mother. We had practically moved in there like Nkonzo had said there were beds
and bathrooms since it was also a shelter for battered woman and children. Life is
really hard guys, families are going through the most out there. This whole thing
with Melisizwe opened my eyes to a whole different world, id say I grew up even.
Some of the things those girls and women share about their lives had me in tears.
Some were disowned by their families for being pregnant some their boyfriends
are abusive but they can't leave them since they are taking care of their families
financially. Hearing those stories I kinda felt I shouldn't even be complaining.
Anyway like I said I joined the study group and Lakhe and Alime and their friends
had to leave after the study sessions, it was a strictly a female zone. Emma and
Namhla also came for the study group I mean who would say no to free tutoring. I
had made so many friends there and talks of varsity and stuff like that but I wasn’t
ready for the books after the draining year I had. Finals came and I rocked them, I
could feel it. The matric ball came, I couldn’t go because I was an oven as Elihle
would say. I helped Emma and Namhla with their dresses and stuff. My brothers
didn’t go because I wasn’t going, I thought it was sweet of them really. They still
had that thing of the fact that we were triplets just like when we were growing
up. On other news Tyson and I were really hitting it off, yeah you remember him?
I didn’t want to rush into anything with him so we just became close friends.
Tyson: “Gugulethu you know I like you right?” we were chilling by the pool.
Mamazi adviced me to swim during pregnancy to help with bloodflow.
Me: “Yeah I know.” I said giggling, its something he told me everyday.
Tyson: “I want you to be my girl.” He came closer and pinned against the wall. I
got horny that moment.
Me: “Tyson I cant be your girl right now. I am about to be a single parent and” he
chose to shut me by smashing his lips against mine. We kissed and it was amazing
and different from Meli. I had to stop because I was so turned on and weren’t
about to have sex in my father’s pool. I pushed him back. He put his forehead
against mine.
Tyson: “Hlelo I know that. Please tell me you not into me than I will back off but
don’t use our son as an excuse.”
Me: “Our son?” and he smiled. Tyson was hot guys. Let me give you a description
of him tall and buff light-skinned coloured boy with rolled up hair. “Uyahlanya
yaz.”
Tyson: “Hlelo I love you and that means I love everything you come with. Please
give us a chance, I wont rush you.”
Me: “Please don’t break my heart Ty. Its already fragile.” I meant it. I liked the guy
and he has shown me another side to him with the time we’ve been spending
together.
Tyson: “I promise baby, your heart is safe in my hands and I wouldn’t want to hurt
my baby mama.” We laughed he was a comedian naturally.
Me: “Uyabhora and one last thing.”
Ty: “Anything.”
Me: “Its our daughter not son.” I wanted the baby’s gender to be a surprise. I
wanted to love it unconditionally before I planned a life for us, if that made sense.
He laughed and I joined him. I really did like him, it wasn’t love yet but he meant a
lot to me.
Ty: “We’ll just have to wait and see.” He kissed one last time and kissed my belly.
“Come lets get you out now.”
Me: “Please carry me.” He gave a “wtf” look “its not me that needs the carrying.”
He laughed.
Ty: “Nice one. If you were not pregnant you were going to walk.” I smiled as he
picked me up and walked us out the pool. “Arent you hungry?”
Me: “I am starving.”
Ty: “Dramatic much.”
Me: “No I am dead serious. I could eat you right now.”
Ty: “Go change than I will take us out for lunch.” I nodded and went to my room.
He was going to change in the guest bathroom. I wore my mother’s clothes since
she was bigger than me because there was no way in hell I was going to buy
maternity wear. I went with her blue denim long dungaree and a white vest with
my old skool vans. I took my handbag and I was good to go. Ty was in his denim
shorts and rugby jersey with white all stars. He looked so yummy. He came up to
me and hugged me “You look beautiful as always.”
Me: “Thank you, you are yummy yourself.” He chuckled.
Ty: “You make me sound like I am a snack.” Oh he was a snack. I laughed
Me: “Let me put it in a better way than. You look good.”
Ty: “Thanks babe.” We were now in his car. “So what do you guys feel like
eating?”
Me: “Panarotti pasta please.” He nodded and took us to gateway. “Ty are you
sure about us. I don’t want you to be with me out of pity or something.” He took
my hand and kissed it. And sighed and I was there looking at him.
Ty: “Gugulethu Gumede ngyathanda. Believe me when I say that.” My heart just
melted and he said it in Zulu “I have wanted to be with you since grade 10 but
Alime wouldn’t give me the time of day.” I was a bit confused I mean they were
best buddies “Its no secret that he is overprotective, I am still asking myself how
did you fall pregnant without him knowing. I asked for his permission to date you
he flat out denied me. And he was my friend so there were blurred lines.” I was a
bit shook
Me: “So whats going to happen now because Alime is not known for changing his
mind.” I wanted to know. “I aint about the life of snooping around Ty. I am not
doing that again.” I meant every word.
Ty: “No snooping baby I promise. I will deal with Alime.”
Me: “Okay.” We made our way to Panarottis. We ordered our food and drinks and
we waited for our waiter to bring it. We conversed about every day things. His
family and mine that type of conversation. After a while our food came and I
dived in. “You know we haven’t dated for more than 5 hours and already we have
problems.” He laughed whereas I didn’t find it funny. “This is not funny Tyson.”
Ty: “I am sorry baby but Alime is not a big deal. I will sort it out.” I nodded with so
much doubt. We spent the day at the mall with me shopping for baby clothes. I
had been saving my allowance, I couldn’t subject my parents to being responsible
for everything to do with the baby. At the end of the day it was my burden to
carry. After a tiring day at the mall, he drove me home.
==========
It was December the worst time of the year to be pregnant. The heat was so
unforgiving and I was in my 9th month of pregnany which meant I could give birth
any day. It was tradition in our family to spend December holidays with our
grandparents in Bergville but since I was about to give birth Bergville came to me.
I came from a big supportive family from both sides actually. They fought I knew
that but the motto was family stinks together through everything. Gogo and I
were cooking lunch since it was our turn to cook. Takaways were for weekends
only at home. The men had gone out to play golf since we lived at a golf-estate
whereas mamazi, Nosipho and Elihle were watching tv probably keeping up with
the kardashians. Gogo and I were busy singing while I chopped and she cooked
because I couldn’t stand for more than 5 minutes. As we were minding our own
business Alime barged in the kitchen angry, I could tell with the folds of skin on
his forehead. He got like that when he was angry.
Alime: “You are dating Tyson?” I was ready to feel is wrath “Are you crazy Hlelo?”
Me: “Calm down and lets talk about this bhuti.”
Alime: “Don’t bhuti me Hlelo. What has gotten into your head vele? If you are not
sleeping with your teachers, its my friend who else is next huh?” that just hurt my
feelings. I felt tears roll down my cheeks.
Gogo: “Yey!! Alimikhaya watch your tone. Hlelo is still your heavily pregnant
sister.” I left them and went to pee something I had been doing a lot that day.
“Are you okay, are you feeling any pain.” Sometimes I forgot that my
grandmother was a retired nurse.
Me: “Just the pain I was telling you about.” She nodded and walked me to the
lounge
Gogo: “Khaya!!” he came running and I was confused “Your sister is about to go
into labour fetch her things.”
Mamazi: “Haibo ma are you sure?”
Gogo: “Yes I am seeing the symptoms.” With that people started running like
headless chickens
Me: “Gogo I am fine. Shouldn’t it be like my water breaks than I become
hysterical?”
Gogo: “You watch too many movies. This is real life and trust me its about to go
down.” mamazi and Nosipho came down with my things. My mother had already
packed my bags.
Mamazi: “Alime stay with your sister and call baba and tell him we went to
Netcare.” Gogo helped me in the car and Nosipho and Mamazi took the front
seats “I have already called her doctor he said he’ll meet us there. Ma youll have
to explain to him because she seems fine for a person in labour.”
Gogo: “Okay koti.” The back pains were getting worse but it was nothing I
couldn’t handle and I had been getting those as the months got closer. We got to
the hospital and I was admitted to a private ward. It looked really comfortable.
After some time my doctor came in and he did his thing
Doc: “I hear you saw this coming. Good call.” He was talking to my grandmother.
“Okay Gugu I will give you these tablets they will help with the birthing process.
Okay.” I nodded the nurse gave me the tablets while the doctor filled in my chart
and left. Gogo and mamzi helped with getting me into the hospital gown. I
needed the toilet again but after sometime the pain got 10 times worse I was
ready to murder that doctor.
Me: “I thought he said the pills will help.”
Gogo: “They are helping baby. This is childbirth not a party.” I was in so much
pain, I was crying.
Mamazi: “You are scaring her Ma.” After sometime the doctor came back and
they made me lie on the bed and he did something that made my water to break.
Me: “I need to pee mamazi.” I was feeling so many things guys and my mother
was here wiping my sweaty face whereas my grandmother was just chilling on the
couch telling me I am dramatic. This woman had no heart sometimes but I loved
her.
Doc: “You are in no position to leave this bed. If you need to pee, pee on the
bed.” Was he crazy? “Angie call me when she is ready.” The nurse nodded and he
left. I tried pee but nothing came out wow.
Me: “Mamazi I cant do this, cant he cut it out of me.” She looked at me as if I am
crazy “I need this baby to come out!!!” I shouted. My father came in as I was
shouting and it looked like he had been running.
Baba: “How are we doing?”
Gogo: “She has gone crazy on us.” They laughed
Mamazi: “Ma unehaba but yebo Hlelo is shouting at us and wants to cut things.”
Wow they were not making things easy for me.
Me: “Baba I am in so such pain.” I cried and he hugged me.
Baba: “Haibo nurse do something my daughter is in pain.”
Gogo: “They gave her something for the pain manje sekmele benzeni?(What are
they supposed to do now) Childbirth is no walk in the park.” This woman was just
annoying me now. The nurse helped me with breathing exercises and after some
time the doctor came back.
Doc: “I am going to ask you to leave the room.”
Me: “Can my mother stay?”
Doc: “Of course. Angie dress her.” With that my father and grandmother left the
room and mamazi got in the gown and mask and she held my hand “Okay Hlelo I
want you to push and push as hard as you can okay?” I nodded “Push!!!” and I
performed and I pushed until I passed out.
======
I woke up to someone shaking me. I slowly opened my eyes and I was met by
nurse Angie with a baby wrapped in a baby receiver. Than everything came back
from the time I was in labour to the time I had passed out after hearing baby
cries. I tried to seat properly but I was in pain. The nurse than handed me the
baby and than my parents came to hover over us.
Me: “He is perfect” I said through the tears after 11 hours of excruciating labour
pains and close to 20 minutes of pushing my beautiful son. I was finally holding
him for the first time. Getting to the delivery room wasn’t easy. I had even
considered termination, I mean I was only 16 years old and the father of my baby
happened to be my IT teacher. I was so ashamed, I didn’t want any reminder of
Melisizwe and the hurt he had put me through and I felt this kid deserved better
than a manipulative father like him. “What are we going to name him?” I asked
my baba, he was good at naming babies judging by the names my siblings and I
had
Baba: “Sibongakonke.” He said with a smile revealing his dimples that my mother
can never get over.
Mamazi: “Qwabe I love it.” My mother said with her sweet angelic voice while she
was playing with her grandson’s tiny hands. That woman was a heaven sent, our
family was nothing without her. She’d be gone for a day and hell will break lose at
home.
Me: “Sbongakonke Gumede. I love it too baba.” He kissed my forehead and took
his grandson and just admired him. The day was the beginning of a new life for
my son and I. I wanted nothing to harm him and I was ready to protect him with
all I am. I took him back from my father “Baby I know I wasn’t happy with your
arrival but trust me when I say you have changed my life for the better.” I meant
it. I kept on playing with his hair and my baby had a lot of it. “Its just you and me
now against the world. I love you my king.”
Mamazi: “Welcome to motherhood mommy.” She said as she took her grandson.
“You couldn’t wait to make me a gogo, couldn’t you?” I giggled as she play with
baby Sbonga. “So are you breastfeeding or formula?”
Me: “I will breastfeed him since we have the whole year to ourselves angith my
baby?” and my handsome yawned and started sucking on his thumb.
Baba: “Gugulethu feed my grandson please.” We laughed as mamazi and the
nurse were helping with breastfeeding techniques “I will go and buy you food.” I
nodded and he kissed my forehead and Sbonga’s hands and left with his wife. My
father was everything to me guys, as old as he was but he understood me and
probably knew me better than anyone in the world. After sometime the rest of
the siblings came and the admired their nephew
Nosipho: “He is going to be yellow like you. I can already tell.” It made sense since
Meli and I were both light-skinned.
Elihle: “And probably be a player like his uncles.” We laughed “Because my
nephew is just so nunus and cute.” She said in baby talk.
Lakhe: “Sasa what do you know about players?”
Elihle: “I know a lot.” She said with so much attitude. My sister was the opposite
of me “Congrats on the bun, I guess you no oven no more.” We laugh Elihle was
crazy “I am still mad at you though, an aunty at my age, come on Hlehle. But I
guess I could forgive you since he is all cute and I want to eat him.”
Me: “Kodwa Elihle. Whose sister are you?”
Elihle: “Yours, baby mama. You cant deny me.” And I couldn’t. As much as we
weren’t blood related but they were my siblings and I loved them just like they
loved me.
Alime: “Hlehle.” He felt guilty, he couldn’t look at me
Me: “Bhuti look, I know you don’t want things between Ty and I to happen and I
am sure you have your reasons. But I like him and id like to give it a try.”
Alime: “Hlelo I am not against you dating my problem is dating a guy like Tyson. I
know him, fuck it!! I am Tyson.”
Me: “I know he has a history but what if he’s different with me?”
Alime: “Fine. Clearly your mind is made up. Hlelo I did warn you.”
Lakhe: “I am not one to judge but sisi please be careful. There’s Sbonga now,
think about that.”
Me: “Okay thanks for looking out for me, Sbonga and I love you so much for that
bo malume.” They chuckled
Malo: “I am an uncle, who knew.”
Simo: “Why are you saying it like it an achievement.”
Malo: “Trust me it is. The knowledge I have gained over the years is going down
to him.” Wow that I wasn’t expecting and mind you Ntokomalo was only 13 years
guys.
Elihle: “Yeah and some of that knowledge is to know how to annoy me mxm!!” we
laughed. Between the triplets Malo and Elihle were the talkative ones were as
Ndalo was just too much of a mama’s boy and a sweet and quiet one at that.
Mamazi and baba came back with my food.
Me: “Okay sibs its been good but Sbonga and I need to freshen up.” They got up
and started making their way to door
Mamazi: “I will see you at home babies.” He looked at her husband the only way
she did “After I helped them freshen up, I am coming home. I promise.”
Them: “okay bye.”
Baba: “Okay. I will see you guys later.” I nodded and he left. And mamazi kept her
promise.
Mamazi: “I am giving you time to bond. I will come back later with gogo.”
Me: “Does she have to come?” I asked with a bored face and mamazi laughed.
Mamazi: “Yeah. She’s Sbonga’s great grandmother and don’t take her words to
heart she gets like that sometimes.” I nodded and she left. I was left alone with
my thoughts. I kept on taking pictures of my buddle of joy. I sent it to relevant
people, which were Emma the Godmother and Namhla the aunt, including the
“baby daddy” Tyson, not Meli we were dead to him and I accepted that and
moved on. I was in a happy place I wont lie and the arrival of Sbonga made so
many things fall into place. I was generally happy but I was scared and excited
about motherhood. I mean I had an entire human who was dependent on me and
that’s not something you take lightly. 2 days later baba together with my
grandmother came to fetch us from the hospital and we were welcomed by a
welcome home party from mamazi and the siblings. I was so happy as a welcome
home gift they redecorated my room to accommodate Sbonga as well. That was
everything, I felt. The support my family had showed me was enormous and I felt
loved and important. We settled in just fine with the little man. Gogo and mamazi
helped the first few days on ways to bathing him and basically taking care of my
baby but somethings came naturally I felt. I was so inlove with him, he grew each
and everyday and was looking more and more like me but Meli was there no lie
especially his lips. On this day I was chilling at home and I had just breastfed him
and he was slowly dosing off, baba came and took him from me. He loved and
accepted him with no reservations.
Baba: “He loves sleeping on my chest.” I giggled. He was curled up on my baba’s
chest “Just like his mother.”
Me: “Really?”
Baba: “Yeah you loved sleeping on my chest. Your mother used to shout at me
and say I spoil you guys.” I couldn’t help but laugh. “Go put him down so we can
talk.” I did as told. Sbonga was a lazy baby, he slept most of the day.
Me: “Im back.” He patted a place next to him on the couch.
Baba: “Gugulethu the past year was hard for you, and your mother and I
understand that. But we cant overlook the choices you made.” I had to cut him
because I felt bad and guilty for disrespecting them.
Me: “Baba I know and I am really sorry for disrespecting your house like that.”
Baba: “Let me say my peace baby than you’ll have your chance.” I nodded “You
are right what you did was plain disrespect and nje ngendoda yomZulu I should
have forced that low-life to do whats is right but your happiness means more to
me than anything.” See why he was my favourite human in the world “Princess
you are a mother now and with that comes great responsibility. Sbonga is your
son not my wife’s. So I don’t want her putting her life on hold for your
responsibility.” I nodded because he was making sense “I am happy to help you
with anything be it money but he is your responsibility.” Mamazi came in with a
bowl with sliced mangoes and we all loved mangoes and we dived in
Mamazi: “Baba is hitting you with the responsibility speech?” I nodded with a
smile “Trust me he gave me one too.”
Me: “mamazi he is right. I am Sbonga’s mother and the burden should be on me.”
she nodded a bit disappointed. She really wanted to help me out
Baba: “At least someone thinks like me. Oh and when Sbonga turns 3 months you
are getting your licence and you are driving the quads to and from school.” I
wasn’t ready for that one. I did say that we weren’t spoilt at home. Whereas
some of the kids at school had drivers and all the fancy things we had to grovel.
Me: “Hawu baba.”
Baba: “I can add more like you working for your mother. Pampers are not cheap
Gugulethu and the last time I checked its your mother and I who can afford
them.” I nodded in agreement. After some time the boys came in from wherever.
We sat as a family quarrelling over tv channels
Lakhe: “Baba. Mina no bafo we’ve decided not to go to varsity next year.”
Mamazi: “Your results are not out yet guys.”
Alime: “We know mamazi. We’ll wait for uGugulethu plus I will be working with
Zweli for the year.”
Mamazi: “oh hayi. Wena Lakhe what will you be doing?”
Lakhe: “Dj-ing at baba’s club.”
Baba: “Still triplets I see.” He said it with a proud smile.
Me: “Ngyabonga bo bhuti.” They nodded.
Baba: “Sasa ka baba.” And my sister smiled like there is no tomorrow. Their
relationship was special just like mine. I guess you’d say uQwabe loved us all.
Elihle: “Babami.” She went to sit on his lap. He looked at me and made a signal for
me to sit on the other lap. I didn’t hesitate.
Baba: “Kiss kiss please.” We giggled and we kissed his dimples.
Mamazi: “This is so not fair. Boys come give mamazi kiss kiss as well.” Elihle and I
laughed because my brothers made faces like they didn’t want to. While mamazi
and her boys were busy baba said we should sneak out for ice cream before
Sbonga woke up.
Mamazi: “Baba wait for us. Let me go fetch Sbonga.”
Baba: “Okay.” Mamazi stood up and went to my room and we ran away. It
something we did together just the 3 of us. After sometime mamazi called
“Phakade lam” it was on the Bluetooth speaker
Mamazi: “Bring the boys and I, milkshakes and braai meat Qwabe.”
Baba: “Okay anything else sthandwa sam?”
Mamazi: “Yeah umqhamelo nengubo ukumele kwicouch(Pillow and a blanket will
be waiting for you on the couch). And ask the men without wives kuth hows life
because you’ll be joining them soon.” With that my mother dropped the call.
Elihle and I laughed while my baba was a bit panicked
Elihle: “Baba that’s not good.”
Baba: “Hayi guys we are in this together. You will help me apologise angith?”
Me: “Remind her that yesterday they went skating without us.”
Baba: “That’s the team spirit.” We laughed and we got ice cream together with
the milkshakes and we went to buy braai meat at baba’s shisa nyama and we
went back home. I loved my family and I wouldn’t trade them for anything.

»09«
HLANGA
I couldn’t believe I was being deployed again. I had just gotten back and I hadn’t
fully recovered from the last mission, mentally that is. I kept telling myself that I
signed up for this and if not me than who. This deployment happened at the
worst time because I had promised Thingo I would help her with registration and
all her admin stuff. I was over the moon about her moving to Joburg, I liked her
company and she was a great person and a crazy sense of humor. I didn’t
understand how such a wonderful person had no friends. Mostly the way she
made me feel, I was always happy around her and she understood me and never
forced anything on me. She went with the flow.
Jo-ann: “baby come back to bed.” Oh that would be my “cuddy buddy” as she
refers it. We weren’t in a relationship but we were giving each other the benefits.
I took my own advice and started small like committing to casual sex. “You’ve
been tense since I got here.” We had been at it for while, I guess she knew me
now. We actually met at that party that Lonhle and Clive took me to, a few
months back and we been at it. Thingo hasn’t been answering my calls and her
phone was off. I guess that’s why I was so worked up, what worried me the most
was that I was leaving on the day she was suppose to be registering. I was
planning on asking Lonhle to help her since he was familiar with the process.
Me: “Do you mind if I leave you here for a few hours. I have a problem I need to
fix.”
Jo-ann: “Do what you gotta do.”
Me: “Cool.” With that I got dressed and left. I drove to Chancellors flat
Chance: “Hlanga yini? You are becoming a regular now.”
Me: “I know and I hate it. I need you to trace a phone for me.”
Chance: “Okay let me get my guy on it. Give me the number.” I gave him Thingo’s
number. “Why are we tracing this number again?”
Me: “I need to see its movements because I cant seem to reach the owner.” He
nodded and his guy called back “And?”
Chance: “Its hard to trace a phone when its off Hlanga but its last known location
was Tongaat yesterday.” I nodded. Thingo’s aunt might have found the phone, it
was the only explanation I had. But she knew my number, I told myself that.
Me: “Okay thanks bra.” I went back to my apartment and Jo-ann and I did filthy
things to each other and she left the next morning and I went on with my routine
which gym and work. The day for my deployment came and Thingo never made
contact, I had no other means of of contacting her so I left without knowing
whether she was coming or not. Clive and I were both deployed and 3 other
people. Turns out it wasn’t a combat mission judging about the way we were
being treated we were flown to an unkown location were we went through a
series of tests, training and questioning. In what felt like a year which happened
to be 2 months we were deployed back home. We still didn’t know the reason
why we had to go through all of that but what I can tell you is that, the training
we got was next level. We talking about computer hacking, interrogation
techniques how to beat them and how to conduct them. If I knew better id say
were training to be spies because at some point we had to learn how to be
undetected be alarms or whatever.
Clive: “Am I the only one who feels that was some type of CIA shit?”
Russel: “Trust me you not. That training was next level.” She was one of the
people were deployed with.
Me: “This had nothing to do with combat training and they know we know.”
Venter: “If this was some spy shit, I am done with the military. My brother owns a
farm, I can just retire there now and be done.” He had to bring up the fact that
they have our land mxm!
Clive: “I wonder what this all means for us.” We landed back in South Africa and
we were driven back to the base. We were debriefed and went under psych-
evaluation all those things a person who hasn’t properly slept in 2 months doesn’t
need.
Me: “I need just one ice cold beer and my bed than the rest can follow.” Everyone
chuckled
Clive: “I am with you on that one.” We got in our cars and we went our separate
ways. I got at home and the mess I had left was right there waiting for me. I
decided to clean while I still had the energy because there was no telling what
tomorrow had for me. I tried calling Thingo again and I had hope that in the 2
months I had been gone she would hit me up but there was nothing from her and
her phone was still off. The only option I had left was to drive down to Tongaat
and find out what the hell was happening. I was back to being worked up again.
======
We hadn’t been called in at work so I took it as if we were on mandatory leave. I
decided to party my life away. If I wasn’t drinking at home, I was drinking at the
club and Clive wasn’t very helpful because he was just as bad as I am. Partying
meant waking up next to random girls. I was never to drunk not to use a condom.
I knew better, I was a doctor and a military one. I knew I couldn’t practice once I
am infected with the virus or any diseases for that matter. One night Clive and I
got so drunk at the club that we slept there.
Me: “Shit! Shit!!” we had woken up from passing out
Clive: “You are so bad for me Hlangalezwe.”
Me: “The feeling is mutual.” We needed more sleep because we were still drunk
“Lets go I am sure Melusi is on his way to prepare for the opening.” Melusi was
the club manager. With that we left the club and drove our separate ways. I was
never prepared for what was at my doorstep. At first I thought maybe it was the
alcohol and the fact that I missed her. That was the reason behind my extreme
alcohol in-take. “Thingo lwam” yes it was her. I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was
her in the flesh. But she looked so drained and like she had lost weight. I opened
my arms for hug she went in and just cried. Her loud sobs broke my heart. I
opened the door and I picked up bridal style and I led us to my bedroom. She was
still crying my t-shirt was even damp. This was deeper than I thought “Don’t cry, I
am here now. Talk to me.” she just cried louder and I couldn’t take it, I got up and
went to pour her double-shot of cognac. She needed it.
Thingo: “Whats this?” she even had the hiccups. He looked ugly when she cried.
Me: “Something to make you feel better.” She took a sniff “Just drink and don’t
smell.” She obliged poor girl she was so innocent didn’t even know the smell of
alcohol. I wanted to keep her in my pocket and never let her out.
Thingo: “Its so strong and bitter.” I chuckled
Me: “I know. Should I pour you another one?” she nodded hehe this girl. I stood
up and went to fetch the bottle and gave it to her.
Thingo: “Hlanga this is alcohol mos.”
Me: “I know and it seems like you like it.” She was a bit embarrassed “No need to
be embarrassed baby. its just me plus you have expensive taste that’s a Remy
Martin bottle.” I chuckled, I was still drunk. We had been drinking until the early
hours of the morning. She looked at me as if I was crazy. “Baby let me go shower,
I am still in yesterday’s clothes and I smell of alcohol and your tears.”
Thingo: “Sorry.”
Me: “Its cool.” I kissed her forehead and went to freshen up. I still couldn’t believe
she was here. She had a lot of explaining to do and how the hell did she know
where I live. When I was satisfied with my cleanliness I got out the shower and I
went to the bedroom and I found her drinking herself away. “I don’t want you
passing out on me now. When did you get here?”
Thingo: “Last night.” She said in a low tone. I felt bad.
Me: “I am sorry. I wished you had told me that you coming.”
Thingo: “I wanted to but I didn’t know your number off by heart and im
phoneless.”
Me: “Thingo what happened? I have so many questions.”
Thingo: “I know. Things took a turn for me Hlanga. I felt so defeated.” She kept on
taking a sip of her alcohol.
Me: “Please shower. I didn’t see a bag with you so I am guessing you have no
clothes.” She nodded “Its cool you will wear mine and we’ll go out for late lunch
and maybe buy you clothes.” She nodded.
Thingo: “Thank you.” She looked at me “Can I hug you?” I couldn’t help but smile
followed by a convincing nod. And we hugged forgetting that I was still in a towel
and the next thing I got a boner and we were in a very tight hug so it was pressed
against her stomach. My towel decided to just fall. It scared Thingo a little and I
couldn’t help but laugh. She was too innocent man “I didn’t see anything.” She
shouted as she made her way to the bathroom.
Me: “Its cool I have nothing to hide.” I looked at uNyambose (dick) he never
disappointed when it came to Thingo. He even reacted when she was in
sweatpants.
Thingo: “ewu!!” I laughed. I lotioned and got dressed and took out my sweat
pants and sweater for the lady. I left the room to give her some space. I was a bit
sober after the shower but I needed to hydrate and braai meat. In what felt like
forever she came out looking like a tomboy.
Me: “Is it weird that I find you sexy in my clothes?” she looked at me weird
Thingo: “Are you drunk?”
Me: “Maybe. I am better than when I got here.” She nodded “I still find you sexy
though.” That got her to blush. I wasn’t lying there was something about seeing a
girl in your baggy hoody or sweat pants. And for me it had only been Thingo so
please allow the excitement “Come lets go eat so you can tell me what went
down.”
Thingo: “Okay.” We drove to Soweto. There were chisanyamas everywhere but
Clive and I had one were it took care of our hangover problems. Their meat was
nice and tender and the spices were a secret ingredient. We made our order and
we found a spot and we waited for our meat. She got down to telling me the
horrors of her family. Selfish didn’t not even begin to describe Thingo’s uncle and
aunt. It was fine for their daughter to do as she pleases and for someone who
actually stood a chance they made sure she succumb to nothing.
Me: “So what is your plan Thingo lwam? I want to hear from you.”
Thingo: “I don’t know Hlanga. I ran away as we speak. After the conversation I had
with my uncle I knew there was no way those people were going to let me have a
life of my own. I will always be nanny or maid to them because trust me Snothi is
coming back with baby number 2.”
Me: “Okay my place is big enough for the both of us you know.”
Thingo: “I am aware but cant invade your private space like that.” I hate it when
she does that
Me: “Thingo lwam I care about you. Your pain is my pain. I cant let you live like
this.” I study her facial expression. She looked so broken “Have you seen yourself?
You look like you haven’t slept in months and forget food because you have lost
so much weight.”
Thingo: “My life is not a peaceful life Hlanga. My escape was books. I was happy
when I was studying since I was denied the opportunity, my misery is out in the
open.” From that day I learnt that we all had a story to tell and we all had
demons. The secret was to how we dealt with them, Thingo used books whereas
my escape was alcohol and sex “It has gotten to a point where I don’t know who I
am anymore. To be honest I am ready to die.”
Me: “Come on don’t talk like that. Pain is temporary just like happiness. You will
figure things out. There is no rush. If you want to study than I will make it happen,
I promise.”
Thingo: “Really how?” I had no plan honestly but she needed to calm down. She
was talking about dying and I needed her alive.
Me: “We’ll cross the bridge when we get to it. For now lets eat.” And we dugged
in. After sometime I drove us to the mall for a few things. Underwear and
whatever she wanted.
Thingo: “I think these are enough.”
Me: “Are you sure?” she nodded. We paid and left
Thingo: “Do you have food in the house so I can cook for you. It’s the least I can
do since I came unannounced.” I wanted to kiss her. I hadn’t had a home cooked
meal in years, okay I may be over exerggerating.
Me: “Lets go buy groceries and please be generous because I haven’t had cook
food since I was last at home.” She looked at me shocked “I am serious.” We went
to pick n pay and she bought everything she needed and we went home.
Thingo: “Do you want me to cook supper or?”
Me: “Please nkosazana.” She nodded. We got home and she went to kitchen
Thingo: “Hlanga do you even use this kitchen, its so dusty.”
Me: “I will be in my room.” I wasn’t about to answer that. I changed into my
boxers and went to check the guest bedroom. It was in no state for a guest.
Thingo and I were going to share a bed something we did the first time we met.
Thingo: “Hlanga you have a visitor.” Who could it be, I thought. I needed to have a
word with the security at my complex like what was their purpose.
Me: “Oh Jo-ann. What brings you this side?” showing up unannounced wasn’t
part of our deal.
Jo-ann: “I am sorry, I know I should’ve called I figured since you back maybe” she
was wearing a long khakhi coat. There was nothing underneath that coat I could
tell and she had Burger King take-aways with her.
Me: “As you can see I have company and we have been rude to her. Thingo lwam
this is Jo-ann and visa versa.”
Thingo: “Nice to meet you Jo-ann.”
Jo-ann: “Likewise.”
Me: “Baby I am going to walk Jo-ann out, okay?” She was too busy on the stove.
Thingo: “Okay.” I led Jo-ann out
Me: “WTF woman?? How am I going to explain your visit to my wife?” I know
“And that coat really?”
Jo-ann: “Wife??” I had to get rid of her “Im sorry I didn’t know.”
Me: “Yeah. Our deal was we don’t invade each other’s spaces unless invited. You
just broke rule #1”
Jo-ann: “I know its just that I needed it and I wasn’t thinking.”
Me: “You are too comfortable now. I am ending this. Goodbye.” The girl had
clearly thought she had a claim in this situationship. How can you rock up at guy
you not dating’s house with food. I wasn’t buying that needed it crap, she knew
the rules of engagement. I went back to the apartment and we dined over chicken
stew, rice and vegetables. “One could get used to this.”
Thingo: “You like it?”
Me: “Love it. Obviously nothing like my mama’s cooking but close.” She laughed
Thingo: “The way you praise your mother’s cooking ngathi khona othe
unamanga.”(Its like someone said you are lying) I laughed
Me: “I want you to know.” We laughed. “Can I get seconds?”
Thingo: “Sure. Let me go dish up for you.” She took my plate and went to the
kitchen. I felt like an important person being served and stuff. We had a chilled
night with “My Rainbow.” I was happy she ran away but she couldn’t runaway
forever, which I knew.
=======
Its been a week now with Thingo around and I have to say, I enjoyed every minute
of it. And amazing thing about having her around was the fact that I was sober
most of the time.
Me: "We need to address the elephant in room Thingo lwam."
Thingo: "I know." We sat comfortably on the couch and we looked at each other
"Thank you for offering your place to me and I want to take it but Hlanga I can't
run away, its not who I am and not like this. I am not one to disrespect my parents
even when the situation is bad." I was really disappointed. I mentioned to her that
I was open to us living together if she decided not to go back home.
Me: "Thingo I don't understand honestly because I can give you a better life. You
deserve to be happy."
Thingo: "And I trust and believe that you would but Hlanga I need my uncle's
blessing. As much as he is being unfair I cant alienate the only family I have." She
wasn't going to do it. She was stubborn and I felt it was misdirected.
Me: "So what are you going to do because you can't runaway forever?"
Thingo: "I don't know, I dont have a plan yet but for now I'd like to just stay here
and not think about the situation back home."
Me: "Okay. I have your back, okay?"
Thingo: "Okay and thank you." I opened my arms and we cuddled on the couch
while she sobbed silently. She was going through a lot, the one person she trusted
turned his back on her, she didn't need me pushing her to do anything at that
point she needed my support and she had it, but I had a plan, I just hope she was
going to accept it.
=======
Lonhle: “Bafo I have a report to write, what is it?” he was really serious about his
studies. He almost failed 1st year so I guess he got a wake up call
Clive: “Khuluma Hlangalezwe.” They were so impatient and what I was about to
tell them was quite big.
Me: “I want to get married.”
Clive: “Shit!!”
Lonhle: “What???” its shocking I know and they were also shook. It was a big deal
“To who”
Clive: “Jo-ann? Come on Hlanga you can do better than that.”
Me: “To Thingo Mfeka.”
Lonhle: “Oh shit!! Bafo no, you are not ready for a girl like Thingo.”
Me: “I know but baby steps bafo, we’ll figure out the rest later. For now she is
going back home with a letter from me, uNyambose asking for her hand from her
parents.” They looked at me as if I am cazy “We care a great deal about each
other we’ll figure out the rest later.” I couldn’t let her go back to that hell hole
because she was definitely going to die, I also couldn’t tell these fools about the
things she confided in me.
Clive: “You seem sure about this.”
Me: “I am I had been thinking about it since she got here. I loved having her
around and I figured why not.”
Lonhle: “I was okay with you risking and gambling with your own life but not that
poor child.” He had a doubtful facial expression but I didn’t care. I was sure about
my decision. “If you sure about this than I am with you all the way.” That’s all I
needed from him, his support.
Clive: “Hlanga don’t hurt her. I might not know her but I know you.”
Me: “Trust me when I say I have her best interest at heart.” I meant it, I was doing
it for her.
Clive: “All the best than.” They gave me hugs. Like I said this was a big deal.
Me: “Id say lets drink to it but I have to be of sober mind when I propose.” They
laughed at me “Finish your report bafo.”
Lonhle: “Okay hambani phela.” We were at his flat. Clive and I went our separate
ways. I drove back to my flat and I found it squeaky clean and I was welcomed by
the aroma of a home cooked meal. One could really get used to that life.
Thingo: “Oh you back.”
Me: “Mmm.” All of a sudden I became nervous, like I said this was a big deal and
our situation was necessarily usual. Thingo bought out a different side of me. The
calm and understanding side, I was willing to do anything for her even marriage.
“Lets go for a drive.”
Thingo: “Let me go change.”
Me: “No you fine. You look great.” She was in my sweat pants and my vest. I liked
her in my clothes
Thingo: “Are you okay? You look weird.”
Me: “Weird?”
Thingo: “Yeah. You cant keep eye-contact with me.” I guess I was caught.
Me: “Lets go for that drive please nkosazane.”
Thingo: “Okay.” She put on her sneakers and we left I held her hand the whole
time as we went to the car. I drove us to the racing track. I felt at ease whenever I
was there “Are you here to teach me how to race” she asked in excitement. I
couldn’t help but smile.
Me: “That could be arranged. But we are not here for that.” I took her hands and I
looked at her and just admired her beauty. She was a beautiful black woman with
clear and smooth skin. Thingo had no pimple or mark on her whole body it was
like she bathed with milk and she had a natural firm body. You’d swear she was a
regular at the gym “You know you my favourite woman in the whole world, after
my mother of course.” She giggled and I chuckled. She was just too innocent even
the way she laughed. She didn’t deserve anything bad happening to her.
Thingo: “That I didn’t know.”
Me: “Now you do. Thingo lwam my life has gotten better with you in it, in ways
that I cant explain. I have found myself doing things and changing things about
myself that I wasn’t willing to change at some point. I am happier with you in my
life” she was getting all teary on me and I had to get to the point “Would you
marry me Thingo Mfeka. Ngicela ukuthumela abakhongi kwa Mfeka.”
Thingo: “What??” she said in the lowest tone of voice.
Me: “Thingo lwam it’s the only logical thing to do. You and I both know that your
situation will never change and you also said that you are not person who
disrespects her parents by just running away. I know that about you and I
wouldn’t want you to either. The only solution I could come up with is if you and I
get married. You wont be their child anymore but my wife and I will give you
whatever freedom you require.”
Thingo: “Take me home Hlangalezwe!!” She meant it by her tone of voice. We
went back to the car. She needed time to digest the information like I said before
I had been thinking about it since she got here and it had been almost 2 weeks.
When we arrived at the apartment she went to the guest bedroom and closed the
door. It was best to give her space. I played play-station so I didn’t have to think
about my wedding or rejected proposal. Out of nowhere she chose to stand in
front of the tv.
Me: “Thingo!!”
Thingo: “You do understand that what you just asked me is a big step and a big
deal.”
Me: “I understand.” She looked so cute when she was mad. I couldn’t help but
smile.
Thingo: “We both know its not for love. What if you meet someone you love?
What happens to me or if I meet someone?”
Me: “I have, its you. Thingo lwam, I will never do what I am doing for you for
anyone. I love you, I admit that I am just in no position to to be in a relationship
with you.” She was a bit shocked and It was the first time I had admitted my
feelings for Thingo and I must say it was liberating.
Thingo: “You are one weird man Nyambose. Who speaks like this?” she chose to
downplay her shock. Okay whatever makes you sleep at night.
Me: “I do. Please say yes. Baby we’ll figure out the rest later. If you find someone
you love later on who is not me, I will probably kill him.” She laughed and I wasn’t
joking. I went closer and grabbed her tiny waist and made her sit on my thighs
“Ngivumela ngithumela abakhongi Thingo lwam.”
Thingo: “How about we agree that we’ll only get married traditionally and I will
pay you back all the money you used on the lobola.” I laughed “I am serious and if
I happen to love you at some point and want to be legally tide to you we’ll have a
white wedding.” This was for life she was crazy.
Me: “Is that a yes?” I asked with so much excitement
Thingo: “If you agree to my terms.”
Me: “Whatever!! The terms and conditions are just details bottom line is, you are
about to be tied to me.” I picked her up and I span with her around. She couldn’t
help but laugh, to say I was happy wouldn’t have been an understatement.
Thingo: “It’s a yes than.” She said giggling
Me: “Thank you, thank you KaMfeka.”
Thingo: “No pressure right?”
Me: “No pressure baby.” We were still in each other’s arms “I promise.”
Thingo: “You know our other option was if you just adopted me. I mean you are
of perfect age to be a parent.” She laughed after her lame joke
Me: “Woman I am 31 year old man, what am I going to do with a 19 year old with
a full set of teeth.” She laughed
Thingo: “But you just asked one to marry you.” I smiled again, I still couldn’t
believe it. “What are you going to do with her than?”
Me: “I still cant believe you said yes.” I still couldn’t believed it, what I asked her
to do was big and it needed to be thought through. “For now I am going to make
sure she is happy and has nothing to worry about.”
Thingo: “I can't believe you'd do this for me."
Me: "I'd do more if I could Thingo lwam."
Thingo: "I believe you, you just proposed. Thank you a million times Nyambose.” I
wanted to kiss her so badly but I went for her forehead instead. “Arent you
hungry?”
Me: “Not really I think I am still high on excitement. Let me call my father.”
Thingo: “Shit!! Hlanga this is big.” She looked scared.
Me: “Shhh calm down KaMfeka. Its still no pressure. Think about it as if you
marrying your best friend because you and I are, what do girls say again? oh yes
we are besties.” She laughed “I mean id marry Nqobani any day. But you cant tell
him that.”
Thingo: “You are crazy. Okay but my bestie happens to be male. Okay no
pressure.” She was trying to convince herself more than me
Me: “Its still just you and me against life.”
Thingo: “Okay.” I stood up and went to talk to my father but such news weren’t
something you discuss over the phone. I decided to notify him about a serious
conversation we needed to have.
Me: “We are driving down to Tongaat tomorrow.” She wasn’t ready to go back
“You can stay with me until I have spoken to my father.” She just nodded. She was
really going through a lot and I was out of ideas. I mean I even came up with the
idea of getting hitched “Is that okay.”
Thingo: “Its fine I will just go back home.”
Me: “You don’t have to, if you don’t want you.”
Thingo: “You know how to corrupt a person hay. I will stay with you until you have
spoken to your father.”
Me: “Okay we need to get you a new phone but we’ll see when we in Durban.”
Thingo: “I am really sorry about the other one.”
Me: “Arg man its just a phone. I am still pissed about the fact that she slapped you
because of it.” That woman was evil, who gets worked up over a 19 year old
getting a phone mxm!
Thingo: “Arg! Let it go. If you get angry at everything Aunty Nomusa does you will
end up being a crazy person.” I chuckled at the way she said it “I am serious. Its
best to just ignore her. And do what needs to be done.”
Me: “Well you wont be doing that any while longer.” We carried on talking about
whatever we felt we wanted to talk about. We chose to close the lobola topic
together with her family drama. We decided to plan our future together and I
must say nothing about the things Thingo was suggesting were seen as okay for
married people “So you are saying that we’ll only be married in front of the
elders?” I wasn’t sure if I wanted that.
Thingo: “It makes sense doesn’t it? Hlanga you had a life before me and I am
about to start mine. As our motto says “no pressure, its still us” so yeah be you,
hook up with Jo-ann or whatever.” I might have told her about my random hook
ups
Me: “Thingo lwam I don’t think I will be comfortable to hear that you going on a
date or you found a boyfriend on campus.” She laughed
Thingo: “Your face gets weird whenever we speak of me and another man. I still
remember the time you decided to drive down in the middle of the night after
hearing that I have a boyfriend.” She was still laughing. Im a jealous man, I admit
that. I couldn’t stomach Thingo being with anyone else but me.
Me: “No one finds pleasure from my pain like you hay.” She was still laughing at
me with her cute annoying laugh.
Thingo: “You don’t understand. Anyway you don’t have to worry much Nyambose
because I am soon going to be married to you and I am too cool for these boys
anyways.” She was crazy and she was so cute saying it. We laughed it off.
Me: “And that’s my girl.” We spent the rest of the chatting and making jokes.
Being sober around her wasn’t a hassle. I think she was part of my coping
mechenism because whenever I slept next to her I didn’t get any nightmares, I
slept like a baby.

»09«
CONTINUED
NQOBANI
Me: “Mimi you are what? If I remember correctly you told you were on the pill
and I had nothing to worry about.” Yeah one of my fuck buddies was apparently
pregnant. And it must’ve been God’s plan I guess because I made sure I was
protected but that night the condom broke and I offered to go buy her emergency
contraceptive and she reassured me that she was on the pill. I wasn’t in a space to
be a father and if I happen to want a child it wouldn’t be Mimi. I had nothing I
against her but I wouldn’t choose her to be the mother of my kids.
Mimi: “Trust me Clive, I am. I must have the worst luck ever. I am not ready for a
kid Clive.”
Me: “Well its here now. How far are you?”
Mimi: “I don’t know.”
Me: “Than find out. Is this baby even mine?”
Mimi: “Maybe, I don’t know anymore.”
Me: “Oh so you just pinning this pregnancy on the first guy who came to mind.
Wow!!”
Mimi: “Of course not. Its just that you the last guy I has sex with and we
happened to have that accident so yeah.”
Me: “Look, find out how far are you and we’ll take it from there. And stop crying,
such things happen when you lack self-respect.” I must have hit a nerve but it was
true.
Mimi: “Really!! You always seem to want some of this no self-respect pussy.” I
chuckled
Me: “Trust me I do, who wouldn’t want easy and free pussy? But I wouldn’t
subject my baby to that. So I am praying very hard right now that’s it not mine.”
Mimi: “Wow!! You are something else to think at some point I thought highly of
you. And for your information you and I are the same. You fuck random girls and I
fuck random guys whats the big deal?”
Me: “The way you you getting all worked up right now clearly there is more to
this. I didn’t say I was better than you or that I have self-respect. We are alike but
I am not reckless. Look now you are pregnant and you don’t know who the father
is.”
Mimi: “Mxm!! I am leaving.” With that she took her handbang and left. What
Mimi didn’t know about me was that I spent too much time with myself. I knew
who was and I wasn’t ashamed of it. I was a broken man but I tried by all means
to rise above it. On thing with brokenness is that it was addictive, I didn’t know a
better life so I chose to embrace it and that cause me to go through a lot of self-
laothing hence I subjected my liver to alcohol and meaningless sex. I didn’t have
time for Mimi’s drama. I got myself ready for my brain-storming meeting with
Keith Jacobs. I had big plans for the guy’s talent. I was really excited about the
new venture.
Keith: “Awe Clive.”
Me: “Keith you good?”
Keith: “I am great. And you.”
Me: “Im good. Shall we?” he nodded and we sat down. We were meeting at my
club. “So after our last conversation. A lot of ideas kinda flooded my mind.”
Keith: “Cool I have a few ideas myself.” I nodded.
Me: “I was thinking since you have already started making a name for yourself
how about we keep that image going and maybe go for Keith’s parties or
whatever the name is but the main focus is the vibe we will be selling to the
people and the lifestyle of course.”
Keith: “Oh so you want me to be the face of the whole thing?” I nodded “Why
cant we both be the face of this whole thing. I don’t want it to seem like I am
taking too much credit.” This boy needed some schooling about business
Me: “Keith I like you and you seem like a good kid but business 101 says take all
you can can get at a business negotiation even if it means you threaten. This was
basically your idea I just enhanced it. So your name deserves to be there.”
Keith: “Okay. Thanks man.” I nodded “Since you had mention that it might
become a nationwide thing how about we make it more exciting have them be
something like a pop-up store but parties.”
Me: “Like popbottles.”
Keith: “Yeah but our target market is mostly students so will have pop-up parties
in places where the student population is high.” I was liking his ideas actually. “To
make it more exciting and interesting we never host the same thing in every
town.”
Me: “I am not sure I follow the last part.”
Keith: “I mean lets say here in Jozi we find a nice venue and host a chill session.
Your club serves alcohol and if people want to bring their own we charge them on
top of the entry fee.” I nodded even though I wasn’t convinced “Next stop lets say
bloem but there its not a pop-up chillas but a braai. We offer the service of them
hiring braai stands and again we sell booze and charge if you bring your own.”
Me: “That’s a great idea. We could even have a picnic or open mic whatever.” He
nodded in agreement “Are you sure you want to be lawyer?” he chuckled
“Because nothing about you screams lawyer, you are made for this.”
Keith: “Law was my father’s idea since his dream of becoming one never came
true. I am doing this for him. That’s why I part-time dj because music, the vibe has
always been my thing.”
Me: “That’s very noble of you man.”
Keith: “So lets talk money.” I laughed “I am serious I have nothing, dj-ing doesn’t
pay a lot and I don’t get a lot gigs.”
Me: “Well you just got one here. Talk to Melusi about time-slots”
Keith: “Really?” I nodded “Thanks man.”
Me: “Cool. The manager handles your salary as well so you’ll talk to him.” He
nodded “With regards to Keith’s pop-up parties. I don’t mind financing the whole
thing since you are the brains. So how about 60/40 on all the profits made in
these parties.”
Keith: “55/45?” I laughed
Me: “Nice but I co-own this club with a friend of mine and we’ll have to share the
profits on the alcohol.”
Keith: “oh okay. How about hi hiwe 3-way it than. You the bank so venue
bookings and all the admin things are on you, he supplies equipment like the
braai-stands and stretch-tents and whatever we require and I will be the face like
you said and run all social-media platforms. Facebook, twitter and Instagram and
we’ll have a wedpage as well.”
Me: “Works for me. I will talk to my friend and see if he is interested.
Entertainment wise how about we book some of SA artists just to add more
hype.”
Keith: “I like that but I would’ve liked it if we promoted more of local artists like
me. I am from PTA and I am quite big there but I am not famous.”
Me: “Okay than. Its your name on the door so do as you please.”
Keith: “Cool. Let me get started on the webpage and other social media platforms
I will get back to you.”
Me: “Do I need to join all those things?”
Keith: “Of course. You cant be a founder and not be involved.”
Me: “Okay I will join.”
Keith: “Add me Vinyl_Keith. So I can set us up as founders”
Me: “Okay. This was very productive.”
Keith: “It really was.”
Me: “I’ll talk to my friend and I will also talk to my lawyer about contracts and
stuff.”
Keith: “This shit is real huh? Contracts and all.”
Me: “Yeah I wasn’t playing around when I said I want you to be committed.”
Keith: “Got it. Let me bounce I have class in an hour and I am a long way from
Pretoria. Where does a guy catch a taxi here?”
Me: “You wont make it on time. Let me call you an uber.”
Keith: “Thanks.”
Me: “Next time we’ll meet in PTA. I live there anyway.”
Keith: “Please.” I chuckled “Let me talk to the manager while I am waiting for that
cab.”
Me: “Sharp.” I was really moved by that young man’s ideas. He knew how to give
people a vibe and he was creative about it. I had a good feeling about him. The
only thing left was to get Hlanga on board. I don’t know where he stood money
wise since he was in the process of getting married. My friend surprised me
sometimes, I never saw him getting married coming. It was a total game changer I
felt. But he seemed really excited about it and I couldn’t be happier for him. I
decided to go pay him a visit.
Hlanga: “Look what the cat dragged in. You know this thing of you coming
unannounced and having your own key has to stop. I have a wife now and I don’t
want her to think we have some gay shit going on.” I couldn’t help but laugh,
Hlanga was an idiot, I felt for the poor soul who had to deal with him forever.
Me: “Well she will be our wife. Whats yours is mine remember?”
Hlanga: “I don’t share my wife Bhungane. Forget it.” We were still laughing like
crazy people. “Whats brings you this side my guy? Beer?”
Me: “Please.” He stood up and went to the fridge “Nothing really. So the lobola is
this weekend huh?”
Hlanga: “Yeah the sooner the better." He was excited. "I still cant believe that its
happening.”
Me: “Are you sure about this man. Things have been cancelled before you know.”
Hlanga: “I know I have a choice man but I want to do this.” He handed me my
beer “So I told her I love her.”
Me: “WTF!! Why would you do that? You are just on next level crazy.”
Hlanga: “I know ever since I met that girl I act and think later but in all honesty I
meant it. Ngyayithanda leya nkosazane and I made it clear to her that there is no
rush we’ll figure out the rest when we together and I am in no position for a
relationship.”
Me: “She understood?”
Hlanga: “Yeah she just wants to study and make something out of herself so she
was okay with us not rushing.”
Me: “Wow!! You have it good hay a marriage with no expectations.”
Hlanga: “Its only possible because Thingo is not a person who forces a situation.
She just so innocent I want to protect her.” My friend was in love. His facial
expression said it all.
Me: “Okay. All the best than.”
Hlanga: “Thank you.”
Me: “On other news Mimi might be pregnant.” He was shook “No, no let me
rephrase it, she is pregnant, she just doesn’t know who the father is”
Hlanga: “Hayi hayi Nqobani why would you be so reckless? With Mimi out of all
people.”
Me: “Trust me ibhadi nje leli(This is bad luck). I am always armed Hlanga. But we
had an accident of the condom breaking and she assured me that she was on the
pill.”
Hlanga: “Was she even taking the pill correctly? Because they are not effective if
don’t take them at the same time everyday.”
Me: “For the type of person Mimi is I think that was the case. I cant co-parent
with that woman Hlanga.”
Hlanga: “Relax. How far is she so we’ll take the necessary tests?”
Me: “I told her to find out because she’s not even sure who the father is. How can
one person be so reckless?” I deeply sighed
Hlanga: “We’ll figure that out. Don’t stress.”
Me: “Yeah. On other news I have a business proposal.”
Hlanga: “I am about to be responsible for another human being so hit me.” we
both chuckled and I narrated Keith and I’s ideas and what Keith proposed.
Hlanga: “No that’s a great way to revamp the party scene. I am so in and to make
it more interesting we get promoters and all those things.”
Me: “Great than”
Lonhle: “What is great?” We didn’t even hear him come in. he went straight to
the frige.
Hlanga: “Hello to you too brother.”
Lonhle: “We were on the phone not so long ago so please.” Hlanga chuckled and
he took a sip of his beer
Me: “We were talking about our new venture with your friend Keith.”
Lonhle: “The guy is so excited. He cant stop thanking me. So tell me about it.” I
was so excited about I didn’t mind telling it over and over again. “You need to
choose your dates properly students have money month-end or mid-month.”
Me: “That’s an idea yaz.” My friends and I didn’t only drink our lives away but
when it came to success we also pushed each other. We carried on conversing
about usual stuff and them telling me about the whole lobola situation. To a
certain degree I was a bit jealous, Hlanga and Lonhle were blood brothers and
they were quite close. And they also came from a good family whereas my
situation was totally different. I found myself imagining a life where my father
was normal human being like the man Hlanga called his father and the kind of life
my mother and I would’ve had but than had things been different I would’ve met
Bab’ Mdluli and the sisters I had. I consoled myself with the fact that things
happen for a reason, I may not understand it completely but I got the concept.

»10«
HLELO
Life after giving birth to my son revolved around that. I was a mother and I
planned to be the best one like my mother was to me and my siblings. I didn’t
even feel like a single parent because everyone hovered over baby Sbonga. My
younger brothers would take turns at feeding and holding him but they drew the
line at changing his nappy. While Aunty Elihle was so keen on being a hands-on
aunty. I was so grateful I don’t think I had the words to describe it. Our matric
results came and like I said, I killed them. I got 5 distinctions (English, Zulu, Life
Orientation, Life Sciences and Geography) there was no way I was getting
distinctions for Maths and IT but my genius brother Alime did. He got 8
distinctions including Maths paper 3 and he had an extra subject. My brother
made it to the top 100 matriculants of the country guys. His better half got 6
distinctions, his problem was Maths as well and he planned to rewrite it again
since he wanted to do sound engineering. I wasn’t doing that because as far as im
concerned I was done with Maths.
Mamazi: “Babies!! Baba and I are so proud of you and the hard work you put in.”
Baba: “Alime we are very proud of you for being a top student. And also for being
the kind of brother who wasn’t selfish with his knowledge and helping your
siblings where you could.” I don’t think my brother had a selfish bone in his body
unlike the dude he shared a womb with.
Mamazi: “Since you decided that you wont have a matric ball due to family
matters. Baba, your siblings and I decided to throw you one.”
Lakhe: “Aaah come one guys.” He was smiling and I joined him.
Ndalo: “Im sure you didn’t even notice us fishing for ideas and stuff.”
Me: “What are you talking about?”
Elihle: “He is talking about your outfits which we have laid perfectly in the guest
bedroom.”
Mamazi: “Go freshen up and get ready. We’ll meet you at the venue.”
Elihle: “Your make-up person is on her way together with your date.” She
whispered that part out. “Caio now.” We ran upstairs to check out our outfits and
I must say they outdid themselves.
Alime: “This is so mamazi.”
Me: “This is the dress I wanted to wear initially.” I jumped up and down with
excitement.
Lakhe: “Baba bought these suit.”
Alime&I: “Dead give away”
Voice: “Aybo go shower so I can start with your make-up.” I jumped and went to
hug her. It was my aunty Thobeka and her sister wife Aunty Yanda, they were
married to Lume Lwazi.
Me: “This day just keeps on getting better.” We were still hugging. I loved aunty
Yanda but Thobeka was my home girl “And you are pregnant.” She blushed away.
We were the only true yellow bones in our family
Thobz: “Snowy go shower. We have the whole day tomorrow to catch up.”
Me: “You are sleeping over yay!!” after that I focused on her sister wife “Sorry
about that unjan mfaz ka lume?” she laughed, she had a contagious laugh. We
hugged “I am going to shower now.” I left them still talking with the boys. They
were fast, I was the problem since I had to do my hair and make-up. I did
everything in a flash while I just got out the bathroom I found gogo, mamazi’s
mother changing my son’s diaper. “Gogo wamina.” I went to hug her, we were
huggers in this family.
G.mother: “Hey Snowy. Congratulations on passing your matric with flying
colours. I am so proud of you.” Snowy comes from the story snow white and
dwarfs. I was daddy’s princess growing up and I happened to be light-skinned so
yeah the name stuck.
Me: “Ngyabonga gogo wam. Ukungikhusela kweni kulomndeni (For supporting
me in this family). Its really God and you because I had given up along time ago.” I
wasn’t lying I made it thus far because of the great support system my family was.
G.mother: “That’s what family does ntombi yam. Keep on making us proud even
in raising this young man.” We smiled at each other. "He is a blessing regardless
of what happened before and like your mother named you uHlelolwenkosi
ziyenzeka( God's plan prevails)" I went to hug her. She was aging but she was still
beautiful in my eyes. “Pump him some milk so you can enjoy your ball.” I nodded
and lotioned while gogo and I conversed about sweet nothings and than Aunty
Snakho barged in.
A.S: “I couldn’t let you go with that horrible hair. So I came to the rescue.” She
handed me what I assumed was a 24 inch lace wig. I screamed causing Sbonga to
cry. I took him and gave him my boob and my son sucked for dear life.
Me: “Im so sorry boy boy.” They all looked at me smiling “What is Aunty Snakho?”
A.S: “It a Mongolian weave nana. Just because you a mother Hlehle doesn’t mean
you should look like one.” I giggled because I understood. Her and her best friend
(mamazi) were mothers but they looked 22 years old with the way they took care
of their bodies and skin.
G.mother: “You are still young baby don’t let yourself go. Okay.” I nodded. It was
the same speech my other gogo gave me, mamazi even bought me a waist trainer
and gave me a meal plan to help me lose the baby weight while breastfeeding.
When my little man was satisfied I gave him to gogo and I carried on with
lotioning. Aunty Snakho did cornrows to my hair and gave me a wig cap. I went to
pump milk for my son. Aunty Thobeka was on make-up, Aunty Yanda was on nails
while Aunty Snakho was overseeing everything. Gogo decided to take Sbonga to
kwaMashu and it was for the best because the house was going to be empty.
After the whole pampering came the time to put my dress. It was a yellow one-
arm chiffon maxi dress with a thigh-high slit. I wore it with yellow Christian
Louboutin heels. The shoes had to be Aunty Snakho because my mother wasn’t a
fan of heels so I am sure she didn’t even know the labels. She did my wig into nice
wavy curls and proper accessory. I looked like a million dollors. I made my
downstairs and found my brothers looking all dapper in their Armani suits. Lakhe
was in a navy and white shirt while Alime’s was brown, white shirt as well and it
was a waistcoat instead of a jacket.
A.S: “Okay the last part to your surprise than your cars will be waiting to take you
to the venue.” She opened the door in came my 2 best friends followed by my
hot, hot boyfriend.
Thobeka: “Don’t you dare cry Gugulethu. All my hardwork.” I nodded fanning
myself and trying to calm down. Hormones are there afterbirth as well guys. Ty
made his way to and hugged me for dear life.
Ty: “You look exquisite my lady. And damn I missed you.” We were still hugging.
Me: “Thank you babe. You look dapper as well.” He was wearing a black tuxedo
“And I missed you too.”
Ty: “Where is the little guy? I last saw him at the hospital.” As you know tradition
and plus I couldn’t really explain Tyson to my parents so yeah that’s why he hasn’t
seen him in over a month.
Me: “Eish you just missed him. Gogo left with him.” He nodded with
disappointment in his eyes. He was really accepting of him. Emma and Namhla
were my brothers’ dates and they didn’t seem to mind.
A.S: “Lets go people.” Ty offered me his hands and we made our way to our car
which was personalized as Ty and Gugu, Alime and Namhla and Lakhe and Phiwe.
It had to be my dad because no one called Emma with her Zulu name but him. We
went to the venue and it was at a resort and when we got there, my brothers
crew where there. I only had two friends so yeah and it was packed. I was seeing
Lunathi and his sister Thando we grew up playing together. And also my cousins
and siblings. It was a formal affair with speeches and jokes and good music. We
took a lot of pictures my better halves seemed happy and I was happy too.
Me: “I am sorry for holding you guys back. I know you had other plans than the
ones you are making now.”
Alime: “Our plans always have you in them sis. If you are not in it than it aint our
plan.”
Lakhe: “He’s right. My life wouldn’t make sense without either one of you. So
whatever plans we make from here onwards we are in it together okay?”
Me: “Deal.” We grouped hug
Alime: “Together always.” I couldn’t ask for better siblings guys.
Me: “I love you guys.”
Them: “We love you too hlehle.” they laughed
Me: “You are not having your twin moments at my prom no!” we laughed and we
carried on enjoying ourselves, our parents weren’t even in our faces, this night
was really about us. After some time mamazi came to me.
Mamazi: “We are leaving apparently theres an after party organized by Zweli and
Lunathi. Whatever you do Hlehle don’t drink, you are breastfeeding remember.” I
just nodded but my mind was on the after party now. My brothers came to hug
mamazi “I love you guys and take care of yourselves okay. Zweli has your
changing clothes. Alime bring your sister home as early as possible.”
Alime: “Okay. Which car are you leaving for us?”
Mamazi: “Your fathers BMW. Guys please be safe.”
Lakhe: “We promise mamazi.”
Mamazi: “Cela ama huggies.” We laughed and we hugged and kissed and she left
with my younger siblings. Apparently they had booked the whole hotel for us,
rooms everything. After mamazi and all the adults left the real partying started.
We changed into our partying clothes. My mother had everything figured out
guys she packed jeans and sneakers for my brothers and I and toiletries as well.
My friends were briefed so they came prepared. I guess my mother wanted me to
wear a black tank vest and blue washed up ankle grazer with a black swade air
force 1 sneaker. I left my wig on and I looked cute, my man was in his all black
ripped jeans and t-shirt and black all stars.
Me: “You always look good.”
Ty: “You make a simple outfit look good too babe.” He kissed me “I love you
Gugulethu.”
Me: “I love you too Ty.” We shared another kiss but this one was passionate and
assuring. We went to join the party, Zweli went all out with the after-party. The
drinking started and everyone was having so much fun including Emma. “Haibo
Baphiwe are you drunk?”
Emma: “A lady never gets drunk.” She says while dancing and she was offbeat. I
couldn’t help but laugh. Namhla was Alime’s tail. My friend loved boys though. I
had to call her to order.
Me: “Haibo Namhla wenzan manje noAlime. uLindo yena umshiyaph?”(What are
you doing with Alime, what about Lindo?) she had a boyfriend and I didn’t
understand because her and my brother’s arrangement ended hours ago.
Namhla: “Haibo mngan nothing is happening plus uLindo akekho la(He's not
here). So stop being uptight and let us party” she pulled me to the dance floor
and I started showing them what I was made of. I was the next Bontle Modiselle. I
was enjoying myself I wont lie. It was sad that I couldn’t drink. The night went on
and we were having the night of our lives plus we were seeing each other for the
last time since we were officially done with school. It got emotional there and I
was just too weak to handle the situation I started drinking as well. My friends
and I were going to be apart. In the early hours of the morning we went our
separate ways I was going to share a room with my man. Things got heated the
minute we entered the room.
Me: “Ty condoms.”
Ty: “I gotchu babe. Are you sure about this.” I nodded. My stitches were healed
and my cycle was behaving and I was horny as fuck. He kissed me “I love you.”
Me: “I love you too.” And he inserted his big penis in. Damn the guy was gifted.
There was a little pain but after sometime he got me moaning like “Aaah.”
Ty: “Damn!! You feel so good.” he went harder and I was moving in rhythm with
his thrusts. We were at it for a while. It some off the hook love-making session
there
Me: “Aaaah Ty faster!!” and he out did himself. “AAaah yessss!!” that was me
cumming
Ty: “Shit!! Shit!! Fuck!” and he followed. He pulled out and laid next to me. “That
was amazing babe.”
Me: “mmm.” I was still catching my breath. We laid in each others arms and we
spoke of our future while he played with my hair and I loved it “So what are you
doing this year?”
Ty: “Sharks Academy wants me to sign with them and I also got accepted for
medicine at Wits.” I nodded I didn’t even attempt to apply for universities.
Me: “So which one will it be?”
Ty: “Medicine babe. I mean I love rugby but medicine has always been a dream of
mine.” Part of me had hope that he’ll choose rugby and stay in Durban with me
but I knew that would selfish of me.
Me: “Than chase your dream babe. Medicine is no joke and joburg is far but I am
sure we’ll figure things out.”
Ty: “I am glad you said it babe and not me. I didn’t want to make it seem like I am
making things about me.” He kissed me “I want us to work nana and I am serious
about us.”
Me: “Its going to be hard but if we give our all it will work my love.” I kissed him
and he responded. The kissing got intense.
Ty: “Ngyakthanda man Gugulethu.” I couldn’t help but blush. Ty might have been
coloured but his Zulu was on point you’d think he was Zulu. “And your smile
makes me weak.”
Me: “Well your eyes drive me crazy.” I kissed him “And your lips.” He chuckled
and deepened our kiss. I decided to get on top of him as the kissing got intense
and we were headed for round 2. He took the condom and put it on and I
positioned myself properly and I started grinding him slowly. It was all Meli’s
teaching guys. The more he groaned I picked up the pace and I was enjoying being
on top so much that I lost all my morals and I just twerked on that D. “Aaaah!!
Aaaah!! Yeesss!!”
Ty: “mmmmh fuck!! yesss babe” he spanked my cute little butt and that fueled
me even more and I even did some squats hehe. It was good sex I wont lie. There
is no position we didn’t do and Ty being all buff carried me all over the hotel
room. At some point we were just fucking, the love-making went out the window.
We slept after realizing that we finished 2 boxes of condoms and we didn’t have
any left.
=========
The following morning I was woken up by Lakhe banging the door telling me I had
an hour to get ready and it all came flashing back. The drinking and the too much
sex because my vagina was complaining. I woke up and Ty wasn’t next to me. I
chose to go shower and figure out how to face my mother. As I was washing all
the shame away I felt hands on my waist and it was my Ty.
Ty: “Morning angel. I hoped ill find you sleeping so I can wake you up like how a
lady should be woken up.”
Me: “Where were you? I felt so used Ty.” He laughed at me and I wasn’t joking. It
took me back to how things were between Meli and I sometimes id wake up to
notes saying he had an errand to run or whatever but to him it was all about sex.
Ty: “Im so sorry my love. You could never be a one night stand. I went to buy us
condoms.” I felt like an idiot. I found myself smiling than I remembered my
burning vagina.
Me: “Joh hayi Tyson my nuna is complaining. You showed it no mercy last night.”
Ty: “I promise ill be gentle sthandwa sam.” He was washing my back. I shook my
head. “Kodwa Gugulethu bheka.” I turned around and my poor boyfriend had a
sulky face and an erection. I couldn’t help but smile he looked so cute. I kissed his
sulking lips.
Me: “Asiphume phela. Sex in the shower is a risk.” He didn’t waste time he turned
off the taps and got us towels and we wiped ourselves. We went back to the
room and I took charge of the situation. I pushed him on the bed dropping his
towel in the process and I started stroking his big dick. I had never sucked dick
before but I heard from Namhla and Emma that I should treat like a lollipop but
handle it like a banana. It never made sense to me but I was about to try it. I went
in tip first and gradually putting the whole thing in my mouth making sure I don’t
hurt him with my teeth.
Ty: “mmmmh eish!!!” he held my head and pushed it harder and causing me to
almost gag “yaaas” he seemed to love that part and I deliberately gagged myself
and I went rougher and deeper with the sucking and I must say for a first-tmer I
did well because “Shit!!! Aaah!!” he offloaded his load in my mouth. I ran to rinse
my mouth because I wasn’t prepared for that part. “That was great babe.” He was
wiping his dick.
Me: “You liked it?” he nodded “It was my first time.”
Ty: “Well you did great.” With that he kissed me and lead up back to the room
after one round we got dressed and packed everything and we had breakfast over
light conversation. Emma was going to Pretoria and Namhla was also going to
study medicine Wits. After breakfast Alime drove us home. My breasts were
complaining but I knew there was nothing I could do. Besides I was so tired sex
with Ty was too much the guy had to much stamina.
Mamazi: “Uphuzile angithi?”(You drank alcohol, didn't you?) I was so
embarrassed. I nodded “Kodwa Hlelo.” With that she left and came back with a
bottle of milk. It seemed like my mother knew me more than I knew myself. I
went to check-up on them. Sbonga loved food, he was sucking on that bottle like
his life depended on it. “How can you deny him his food Hlehle? Just look at
him.uBoBo uthandza incence nzee.” I couldn’t help but laugh and Sbonga kept on
sucking.
Me: “I am sorry mamazi. We got carried away.”
Mamazi: “It was the first and last time Gugulethu. I knew you’d drink. Snakho
owes me sneakers together with Thobeka go and tell them.”
Me: “Haw mamazi y’all had a bet?” she nodded with a smile “Wow! You have no
shame yaz.”
Mamazi: “I was once young nam Hlehle all that you and brothers do is not new to
me but I had hope that you’ll turn out different but yaz nawe ithemba alibulali.(As
you know, hope doesn't kill.)” I was still shook about the adults of this family “So
go wake your Aunties up and tell them we are going to shop for my sneakers.”
Me: “Why are they sleeping at this time?”
Mamazi: “We also had an afterparty of our own.” I stood up. “Hlelolwenkosi this
was really the last time you drink. Breastmilk is good for him and it was a hassle
getting him to drink formula so please.”
Me: “I promise mamazi.” She nodded and I went wake my aunties up but I ended
up joining them on the sleep. I was so exhausted. After we were well rested we
went to the mall. Aunty Snakho was busy giving me a make-over together with my
mother from lingerie to the type of outfits I should be buying my mother even
suggested I go back to dancing to keep me sexy
Mamazi: “Baby I am not saying look good for a man. This is for you and your
confidence. Sbonga should have one sexy mama.” I laughed
Me: “You have a point there because he already has a sexy gogo.”
Mamazi: “I still cant believe im a gogo. Its too soon Hlehle.” She faked cried. You
see why I didn’t take my mother seriously.
A.S: “Haisuka man chomy. Sbonga is close to two months, you should be used to it
by now.” I laughed these two were crazy “Sssh thulan umyen wam uyaphone-a.”
Aunty Snakho was the type of woman who made sure that you know that she was
married and who her husband was. We didn’t even call Lume Bonga by name he
was “Myen Wam” I think he liked it because he never complained
Mamazi: “Manje singenaph thina tshhi.”(How are we involved?) While Aunty
Snakho was on the phone, mamazi’s phone rang as well and it was Baba. “Mr Tall,
Dark and Handsome.” I was just sitting there looking at these happily married
women in front of me and I wanted it. “ohh hayi Qwabe. She misses him too.”
You should have seen my mother’s face guys “I’ll see you in a few. Uthandwa yim
myen wam.” With that she hung up
A.S: “Lace enjan? Thetha kalokhu Dube.” This is were my Xhosa came from. My
aunt blushed to whatever was being said to her “Mamela phuza idragon yakho
mina ndiyeza ne lace emnyama vha(Drink your Dragon, I am coming with blacl
lace). Uyathandwa ndim Dube elimthende.” She blushed and hung up.
Mamazi: “Oh hayi Snakho ani kinky nino Bonginkosi”
Snakho: “Ntandokazi you own hand-cuffs and whips. Khandiyeke ndinxibele
umyen wam ilace ezingekhoyo otherwise uzonxibelwa abanye. (Let me wear lace
for my husband otherwise someone else will)” My mother laughed
Mamazi: “I told you about the hand-cuffs in confidence chomy. Haisuka man
bheka manje uHlehle uzangjonga njan? (You see, what is Hlelo going to think of
me now?)” I already knew, but I couldn’t tell her that,
Snakho: “uHlelo kufanele e-understandile chomam kwa-marriage(Hlelo has to
understand my friend). Uzifumana usucela ukuboshwa nge hand-cuffs.(You find
yourself asking to be handcuffed.)” I couldn’t help but laugh at the idiots in front
of me. They were still laughing at their conversation as well.
Mamazi: “Uzifumane usithi (You even find yourself saying) “Arrest me I am your
criminal.” Hehehe!!” how was I not suppose to laugh? “Sumhoya uAunty wakho
Hlehle.”(Dont pay attention to your aunt) We were still laughing.
Me: “How do you ladies do it? You are all happy and inlove with your husbands. I
mean Emma’s parents are divorced and Namhla’s dad is hardly at home. I want to
be happy like you guys when I am married.”
Mamazi: "Honestly baby its not about the marriage necessarily, its about the
person you are married to." I think I understood. "Your father loves me for me
and I love him for him. Together we put in the effort to make each other happy."
A.S: "Relationships only work when both parties work together. That's all I can
say."
Mamazi: "Baby don’t look at marriage as an achievement. Look at it as a blessing
from God that he created a person specifically for you. The other thing, don’t get
in a relationship seeking for validation. Get in it because whatever he comes with
is adding on to what you have already given yourself. Remember self-love” I
nodded these women were my heroes man.
Me: “I will keep that in mind.”
Mamazi: “Baby please focus on yourself for now and forget about boys they only
bring drama and problems.” I nodded. Here I was again snooping around with
Tyson. We went back home and I got to bond with my son.
=======
Six months passed and I had found myself in a routine where I woke-up and
jogged with my brothers of hit the gym at home and bath myself and my son and
take the qauds to school and drop Sbonga at sis Lihle’s day care. Sometimes I
helped out there or at the shelter whatever that kept me busy and fetched my
siblings after their extra mural activities. I was back to dancing but mamazi and I
joined the night classes for adults since I wasn’t a school kid anymore. Tyson and I
were still going strong even though our relationship cost him his friendship with
Alime. Medicine has him pretty occupied but he comes down every second month
to see me or whenever time allows. He really wants to be part of Sbonga’s life but
my brothers do not want to hear it and I cant go against them. Emma is doing
Actuarial Sciences at UP and Namhla is at Wits. But Namhla had gotten a little
distance, I understood medicine was hard and she was adjusting to a new
environment.
Alime: “Uphi uLakhe?”(Where's Lakhe?)
Me: “In his room.” It was a lazy Saturday afternoon and I had nothing better to
do. Sbonga was crawling all over the living room and my parents together with
the younger siblings went to Bergville for the weekend. “Uzomenzan?”(Why are
you looking for him?)
Alime: “We have to decide on what and where we doing it next year.”
Me: “Let me call him, I am too lazy to go up.” I called him and told him to come
down. My brothers and I hardly fought because we were different people and we
stayed away from each others spaces
Lakhe: “Zalo.” That’s what mamazi and her siblings call each other.
Alime: “Bafo we have to decide and come up with a plan for next year.”
Lakhe: “Eish okay. Durban is not an option. I have guys gunning for me, I need to
leave.” Alime and I laughed.
Alime: “I told you to stay away from chicks ase Mlazi”
Me: “Can we be serious guys. If you planning on leaving Durban I don’t think it will
work for me since there’s Sbonga to think about.”
Alime: “Putting Sbonga aside I am sure the ‘rents will come up with a plan. What
do you want?”
Me: “I want to Run Jozi bhuti. I am also tired of Durban.” I mean it made sense my
man was there together with the best friends.
Alime: “Okay. To study what? Lets not forget the reason why we are leaving.” He
was such a nerd.
Me: “Since baba was against performing arts. After this Melisizwe saga I think Law
is the best career for me.” I looked at them “And you guys?”
Lakhe: “Engineering but I’m still deciding between sound or electrical.”
Alime: “I will double major in Acturial and IT.”
Me: “So vele y’all are taking after your fathers.” They laughed
Alime: “I didn’t even think about it yaz.” Yeah baba was an engineer and bab
Mnqobi was an IT specialist. “So its either UJ or Wits?” we nodded
Me: “UP?”
Lakhe: “As a 3rd option why not.” And just like that we had a plan. Nothing could
come between my brothers and I. Alime came with the laptop, I think it was
mamazi’s and we got down with applying.
Alime: “Bursaries?” we looked at him “Think about if the parents don’t have to
pay for our tuition that’s extra money for us because we know how stingy they
are.”
Me: “Okay I will ask Daddy Que if his law firm offers bursaries.”
Lakhe: “We have a few and if we hear of anything we’ll hook you up okay?” I
nodded.
Me: “Let me go get started with lunch than.” I made a personal vow to myself
that I will get my degree, dark or blue and make my parents proud. I also had to
think of my son and his future, it wasn’t about me alone.
=======
Mamazi: "Congratulations yet again son." They hugged
Lakhe: "Thank you Ndlovukazi." The twins called her that. She was our queen
indeed. Lakhe wrote the supplementary exam for maths, like I said he wanted to
improve his marks and my brother did great.
Alime: "I found 2 bursaries willing to pay for my studies."
Baba: "I would've preferred us paying for your studies. Simply because we have
the money and that bursary money could go to someone who actually needs it."
Mamazi: "It would have been better if it was a scholarship, then would
understand that it was awarded to you."
Alime: "I understand your point. We just felt we'd reduce the burden since it the 3
of us."
Baba: "Don't worry yourselves about money. Mamazi and I have it figured. So you
all going to Johannesburg?"
Us: "Yes!!"
Parents: "Okay." And we carried on talking about our plans for the coming year.

»10«
CONTINUED
THINGO
Please call me crazy and judge me for agreeing to marry Hlanga. I mean its crazy
right? The guy and I have never even kissed and here he was paying lobola for me.
But I was out of options as much as I wanted to run away with him, I wasn’t going
to be at peace with myself knowing that my uncle doesn’t know where I am.
Disrespect wasn’t my style, I needed his blessing because he was my family. So
yes I agreed to marry him because it was my only way out. Well after we left
Joburg we came back to Tongaat and he bought me a new phone as promised and
I stayed at his house until after the meeting with his family. His mother was so
happy guys, she ululating and singing and calling all the family members telling
them she is getting “umakoti”. I wont lie that scared me a bit, it seemed like
Hlanga came from a big family. He had like 5 uncles who were his father’s siblings
apparently 3 were dead and it an all boys family. I didn’t even know my mother’s
siblings the ones that disowned her and I don’t think I wanted to because who
turns back on their family. The time to face my family came, I had been missing
for 3 weeks so I don’t think my aunt was going to take that lightly. I got home to
find my aunt with her granddaughter. Aya wasn’t back from school and it seemed
things were the way I left them. Like I had anticipated she lashed out at me and
called me names slapping all she wanted. I didn’t have any tears left in me and I
kept on telling myself that I wont have to endure this much longer. She said so
many hurtful things that would’ve broken anyone. That night I sent my uncle a
message telling him about my proposal and the fact that the Mthethwa family
was coming in 2 weeks, Hlanga said he didn’t want to wait. He came back 2 days
after I sent him the message.
U.S: “So you are getting married? Are you pregnant Thingo?”
Me: “Cha malume im not.”
A.N: “Of course she’s pregnant she trap that poor boy with that child.”
U.S: “I am not sure how these things are done so I will go see an uncle of mine to
show me the way.” there was tension between him and his wife. He couldn't even
look at her.
Me: “Thank you for giving me your blessing malume. It means a lot to me.”
U.S: “It’s the least I can do Thingo, you seem sure about this. Arent you too young
for marriage kodwa Thingo?”
Me: “Am I? All I do in this house is cook, clean and take care of kids that aren’t
mine so why cant I go do that for my husband instead of taking care of another
woman’s house?” I looked at my aunt
A.N: “You ungrateful bitch!! I took you in when you had no one. I fed you and
clothe you and this is the thank you I get?” she was beyond angry.
Me: “And I am grateful for all you have done for me Aunty. I never said you
weren’t good to me. Lets be honest you never saw me as your daughter but the
help. You gave me enough to survive and I appreciate the little that you gave me
because it has gotten me this far. I passed my matric with flying colours and
neither one of you congratulated me. I wasn’t expecting a celebration a simple
well done would’ve made me happy.” I wiped the tears that were threatening to
come out “I did everything without complaining. I obeyed your orders from the
day I got here until I just couldn’t anymore but still it wasn’t enough for you to
accept me as part of your family. So today I am choosing myself and whatever
decision I take next is for me. I am not your slave Aunt Nomusa, I am someone’s
daughter. Yes my mother is not around anymore but I am still hers.” I looked at
my uncle “So yes a man who I have known for little over a year, who has done so
much for me. From giving me money for toiletries to the clothes I am wearing. He
didn’t know me but he saw my struggle and offered his help without asking for
anything in return. Now he wants to marry me, unlike my family he sees me
worthy and wants to build with me. No I am not too young infact I am over
qualified compared to your wife here.” With that I stood up and went to our
room. Aunt Nomusa thought I didn’t see through her. I mean from the day I got to
her house I was doing her wifely and motherly duties and she made it look like me
staying with her was a favour whereas her and her husband ate my mothers
money without giving me a cent. After my speech my uncle became his quiet self
again and it was all from guilt. He had found out that he married a monster. The
week of my lobola negotiations came and my aunt was a happy person. I did say
she loved people’s attention so yeah all her efforts were because she wanted
people’s complements. We cleaned the whole house from curtains to beddings
like they were going to go into the bedrooms.
Snothi: “So ubhut Hlanga is really marrying you?” she sounded disappointed
Me: “Yeah. I still think he’s crazy but yeah he is coming tomorrow.” I said with a
smile. We were on our way home from town, buying all the necessities to feed
them and stuff.
Snothi: “Wow!! I always thought I will get married before you.” I looked at her
shocked. “Come on Tee, you don’t entertain boys like me. You are always at home
reading or studying.”
Me: “You have a point there. I guess I should thank you for taking me to that
party because that’s where I met my husband to be.” I said smiling. She really
wasn’t happy about me getting married she couldn’t even fake it.
Snothi: “mmm. How did you guys meet vele? Was he also at the party?”
Me: “Nope. He almost hit me with his car when I was wandering on the streets
after you disappeared with Themba.” She nodded “He offered to take me home
but I couldn’t go back without you so he offered me his bed until the morning.
He’s a gentleman shem.”
Snothi: “Hayi okay. We are almost home.” We got ready to get off the taxi stop.
Snothi couldn’t even say “I am happy for you" My aunt has really poisoned her
against me and I really didn’t know what I did to my aunt. We got home and my
mother’s family was there. People I didn’t even know together with Aunt
Nomusa’s family. It was only lobola negotiations not the other things that came
after but my guess was the fact that my aunt made it a big deal. I decided to call
my husband to be.
Hlanga: “Thingo Lwam.”
Me: “Hey. Are you good?”
Hlanga: “Im a bit pissed. Lonhle is making us delay. I think we’ll have to fly-in
instead since its faster.”
Me: “Haibo the talks are tomorrow. There is no rush.” He was a dramatic person
sometimes and I felt like he was making a big deal out of this like my family.
Hlanga: “We have a family meeting and my uncles hate waiting and Lonhle knows
that. They might just decide to not come and represent me.”
Me: “Hawu!! Would they do that?” I was a little panicked.
Hlanga: “Yeah, they are too traditional. The rules they have set you’d be surprise.
Baby let me book those flights. I’ll see you soon okay.”
Me: “Okay. Keep me posted please. I worry when you travel.”
Hlanga: “Yeah I know. And I will.” With that we hung up. Like he promised nothing
changed about us. He was still an uptight sometimes crazy idiot I am so fond of.
But he did put the idea of love in my head, I wasn’t ready just like he wasn’t. But
there was no pressure so I was going to think things through.
==========
The day of the lobola negotiatios came and it went well. I met my mother’s older
siblings and I must say there was a resemblance between them even though my
mother took the beauty cup. Apparently Hlanga paid all the bride price money. I
was hoping it wasn’t a lot because I had to pay it back if we didn’t end up
together. They left happy, it seemed like they liked me after I was revealed to
them. The following step was umembeso and that was were Hlanga bought gifts
for my family. My mother’s sisters were going to be getting and I didn’t
understand how because, I barely knew them. But whatever got me out of that
house I was happy to do it.
Me: “Sanibona ma ninjan?”(Hello ma, how are you?) it was Hlanga’s mother
calling me. That woman was a sweetheart. She was always smiling and calm.
Ma: “Siyaphila makoti.”(I am good) I laughed at the last part. I guess I was a
makoti now. Who knew me Thingo Mfeka a makoti at 19 years? “Uhlekan ngoba
phela wena umakoti woNyambose.”(Don't laugh because you are a true
Mthethwa bride) This was a big deal.
Me: “Akukajwayeleki ma.”(I haven't gotten used to it) I cleared my throat “Ngabe
uma bekukhona akuphone-ele?”(What was the reason for the call?) I had to
change the topic.
Ma: “Oh yebo sisi. Kumayelana no membeso ntombi(Its about membeso
ceremony). I was thinking that you should choose whatever dress you wish us to
give you as a gift. As long as it appropriate. Infact the whole outfit.”
Me: “Oh okay ma. When you say whole outfit what does it entail?”
Ma: “It’s the dress, shoes, doek or hat whatever you like and something to wear
over your shoulders. Mntanam you are still young we don’t want to subject you to
our olden ways.”
Me: “Okay ma ngyezwa.”
Ma: “I will ask uBanele to help you vele umsebenzi wakhe njengo dade
kwamkhwenyana.(Groom's sister)”
Me: “Okay ma. Mina sengzoxumana naye ke.(I will talk to her.)”
Ma: “Okay sisi. Angive ngijabule ngizwela umakoti omuhle, ohloniphayo futh
ohlakaniphile(I am so happy I am getting a beautiful, respectful and smart
makoti). God is amazing.” I was blushing on the other end of the phone.
Me: “Nam ngiyajabula kuba no mamezala ofana nawe ma.”(I am also happy to
have a mother-in-law like you.) She giggled. She was such a happy soul and so
welcoming. “Kulungile ma sobuye sikhulume.”(We'll talk later.)
Ma: “Bye ntombi.” I sat thinking to myself that it was really happening. I was a
makoti now.
A.N: “You seem friendly with your mother-in-law.” I was so caught-up in my
thoughts that I didn’t even hear her come in. she has been behaving since I set
her straight. “Ngyaz ucabanga kuth ngiwumuntu omubi kodwa zibheke manje(I
know you think I am bad person but look at you now). Uyoqala umuzi wakho and
you might think umamezala wakho uncono kunami thula ubheke uzofuna
ukubuya esigogweni masekuvova kahle.”(You about to be married and you might
think your mother-in-law is better than me but you wait and see you'll want to
come back this hell when she's done using you.) There was no saving my aunt
from her bitter heart. Part of me wanted to tell her that I will take anything
Hlanga’s mother throws at me and overcome it because I was able to survive the
hell she was.
Me: “…”
A.N: “You might not see it but I made you worthy. When you got here you were a
spoilt brat that no one could deal with. Now you can cook and clean and you are
about to be a wife. That’s all on me. I made you wife material so you better
remember that.”
Me: “Thank you Aunty once again for everything.” My aunt needed to understand
I was grateful for everything she did for me. She took me in and she didn’t have to
but she did. It’s the way she treated me that made me resent her.
A.N: “Jah vele you should thank me. Anyway that’s not why I came here, we have
to go buy blankets and amacansi together with pillows and whatever they asked
for.”
Me: “Okay we’ll have to hire a trailer so it can fit everything.” It finally hit me that
I only had less than two months to plan all of this and my aunt wasn’t really hands
on but wanted the credit. It was all on me.
A.N: “Okay. Talk to your uncle since he insists on keeping the money even though
we are the ones doing all the buying.” Uncle Sthelo only came back when he was
needed and sent money for our needs. I carried on cooking for the family and
after sometime I went to wake Anathi up so she could bath. I still did what was
expected of me. After I did everything I called my husband, don’t tell him I called
him that.
Hlanga: “Mfazi wam.” Wow!! It was so raw.
Me: “I called you so you can calm me down and you calling me that is not
helping.” He chuckled
Hlanga: “I am sorry. What seems to be the problem?”
Me: “Everything Nyambose. I have to buy blankets and dresses and all those
things freak me out.” I took a deep breath “Hlanga this is too much. On top of that
I don’t even know my size anymore none of my clothes fit except from your sweat
pants. I think we should cancel the whole thing.” I was really stressed out. This
became a big deal and everyone around seemed calm except me.
Hlanga: “Okay, okay!! Baby you need to calm down. How about you come down
for the weekend and we’ll figure things out together.”
Me: “I cant Hlanga, Snothi is not coming back this weekend so Anathi is with me.”
Hlanga: “I don’t care Thingo. Its either you come with Anathi or you leave her
unattended. You are stressed out and I cant have that. When you not fine, baby I
am not fine.” Someone spoke on the background “Baby I am at work right now.
Call me later and tell me what you decided on so I can make the necessary
arrangements for you.” And he hung up. I know its crazy but I think that day I
realized that he really did love me. He cared about my wellbeing so much and I
appreciated him for caring. Whatever hinderances that were on the way, we were
going to overcome them eventually. Everything had its time and it wasn’t our
time as much as we cared deeply about each other. Aya came back from school
and I dished up for her and I later helped her with her homework. Aunt Nomusa
came back from wherever she was from and since it was no secret that I had a
“man” I decided to ask for her permission to go and visit him.
Me: “Aunty if its not a problem, uNyambose asked me to visit him this weekend.”
A.N: “Haibo Thingo I am working from tomorrow until Saturday. Sobenze njan
uAnathi noAyabonga.”
Me: “I can go with them. He wont mind. Its only for the weekend anyway.”
A.N: “Okay fine.” To say I wasn’t happy would be a lie. I was starting to like
Johannesburg. I left her and went to find out if Aya was game on going to Joburg
with me.
Me: “Ayabonga.”
Aya: “Yeah.”
Me: “Are you game on going with Anathi and I to Joburg this weekend? Aunty is
wor...”
Aya: “Of course. Anything to leave this house.” She said with excitement. She
didn’t even let me finish my sentence.
Me: “Okay let me call Hlanga and tell him.” I called him and told him about the
new developments and he was okay with it. And he was booking us flights and all.
Your girl here had never been on a plane hehe. Hlanga was teaching me things
and taking me places guys. I figured we should go with Banele as well since she
was suppose to help me with my wedding dress and Johannesburg was the
perfect place to shop for it. Before I left I made orders for amacansi (Zulu mats)
for 80 people. I did say Hlanga’s family was big and I also had to accommodate for
the dead as well. Zulu traditions were weird sometimes. The blankets and pillows
and the other things I would see when I came back. Friday afternoon came and
his cousin came to fetch us and he drove us to King Shaka airport. We got there
an hour before our boarding time. The cousin helped us with everything seeing
that none of us had ever been on a flight before. We boarded and an hour and a
few minutes later we were in Johannesburg. I think flying was going to be my new
thing, it was quick and comfortable compared to a bus and taxis. When we landed
I had to call him.
Me: “Nyambose we are here, kanti ukuph?”
Hlanga: “Eish baby im stuck at work, there was an accident. Nqobani is on his
way.”
Me: “I don’t even know Nqobani mina, Hlanga.” He laughed.
Hlanga: “I know but he knows you. Let me call him and found out how far is he.”
He hung up. We waited for what felt for forever. Until some dark and mysterious
good-looking guy came up to us. Hlanga was handsome but this guy was hot.
Guy: “Thingo right?” I slowly nodded. He wasn’t even smiling. “Okay. Im Nqobani,
I was sent to come and get you guys.”
Me: “Oh thank you. This is my cousin Ayabonga and my neice Anathi. And that is
…”
Nqobani: “Banele?” and she nodded “You Mthethwas are too much alike man.”
We laughed “The car is that way. And its nice to meet you guys.”
Us: “Likewise.” We got to the car and he drove us to Hlanga’s complex. He
dropped us off.
Nqobani: “I will see you guys around okay.”
Me: “Okay. Thank you for fetching us.”
Nqobani: “It’s the least I could do. Hlanga and I are one so you technically my wife
as well.” I laughed.
Me: “Oh hayi intenjan leyo. Senginesthembu zisuka?”(How so? I am a polygamist
already?) he laughed
Nqobani: “Best believe. Im out Thingo lwethu.” He laughed at his own joke and
left.
Me: “Okay guys lets get comfortable until the Mr gets here.” We took our bags to
the guest bedroom and it seemed like it still how I left it. We watched tv and after
a few minutes the man of the house came home.
Hlanga: “KZN has landed.” He was weird when he was happy.
Nele: “Bhuti.” She went to hug her brother.
Aya: “Unjan bhuti Hlanga?” He hugged them and moved his focus to me
Hlanga: “Im good guys. And wena when are you going to stop smiling and greet
me?” he was so extra. I couldn’t deal with happy Hlanga.
Me: “Mxm.” I took restless Anathi to the kitchen so I could feed her baby food.
Hlanga: “Ngyadlala Thingo lwam. Come here.” He had his arms open for a hug. He
was wearing his military uniform and he looked good. I went in for the hug with
Anathi on my hip. “Are you good?” he took Anathi from me.
Me: “Im okay. Unjan wena?” we were looking at each other. He was one
handsome man.
Hlanga: “I will be okay once I have food in my stomach.”
Me: “I didn’t cook.”
Hlanga: “No its cool. We can order-in or go out.”
Me: “Okay go ask oNele what they feel like eating. I am down with whatever.” He
nodded and handed me Anathi after I was done preparing her food. He went back
to lounge. “Ncam ncam!!” I was feeding Miss Anathi. She loved food this child.
Anathi: “Aaah mmm!!” she liked the butternut purity.
Nele: “We going to East Gate for supper Tee.”
Me: “Okay let me change Anathi.” We went to change her nappy and I packed her
to-go bag. We went back to the lounge and Hlanga came out in his casual clothes
“Haw why did you change. You looked good in your uniform.” He laughed.
Hlanga: “You didn’t say anything. I can go put it back on if you liked the view that
much.”
Me: “Please!” I said with a smile and he laughed.
Hlanga: “Uyahlanya(you are crazy). I am hungry mina. Asambeni.” We left the
apartment. “After the wedding madness you have to start with driving lessons.”
Me: “Hawu!! Why? I don’t even have a car Hlanga.” It wasn’t about the car, I just
didn't see the need.
Hlanga: “Haibo Thingo. I have a job, I cant be driving you around plus I work weird
hours. Johannnesburg is not a safe place to be catching public transport. I’ll be at
ease knowing that you can drive yourself to and from campus.”
Me: “…” I had no words
Hlanga: “I am serious Thingo.”
Me: “Okay Hlanga.” I felt like he was throwing me into the deep end guys. We got
to East Gate Mall and we went to Smith & Wollensky Steak House. He was leading
the way anyway. We ordered and dinner over light conversation.
Hlanga: “Tomorrow we have a braai at Nqobani’s house.”
Me: “Okay. Mina no Banele wanted to shop for my membeso dress.” He nodded.
Hlanga: “The braai will be later in the day anyway.”
Me: “So you don’t need help with your outfit or anything?”
Hlanga: “Already playing wife I see. uMa has it covered baby don’t worry.”
Me: “Come to think of it I also don’t have a dress for umabo. I don’t want to be
cliché with the sdwaba outfit.”
Hlanga: “mmh I see.” He wasn’t even paying attention. He was busy with his food.
Me: “Mxm. Nele don’t you know of a seamtress around Tongaat?”
Nele: “uMa is one.”
Me: “Really!!” I gave her my bored face “I cant have my mother-in-law making me
a dress.”
Nele: “Hayike angaz.”(I don't know)
Me: “This is a problem.” After our dinner we went back home. Sleeping
arrangements were Aya and Nele in the guest bedroom and Anathi and I were
going to sleep with Hlanga.
Hlanga: “I am going to the club. Don’t wait up.”
Me: “Okay.” he kissed my forehead and he left. I didn’t have a say, it was his life.
========
Hlanga came back in the wee hours of the morning drunk. He smelt like a distillery
and that smell wasn’t pleasant. I decided to wake up and clean around the house.
The time was just after 5am anyways. I made porridge enough for everyone but it
was for Anathi mostly and she woke up around 6 am. I watched tv after I did
everything and at 6:15 Anathi walked her way to me. Demanding that I take her. I
took her and fed her and I went to wake Nele and Aya up. I was lonely.
Me: “Come on guys. I made porridge.”
Nele: “Really? I haven’t had it in ages.”
Me: “Well come have some.”
Aya: “When are we going dress shopping Tee?”
Me: “As soon as our driver is up and the shops are open.” We were watching
music vidoes over light conversation and Anathi was dancing for us. A while later I
went to make the farmstyle breakfast and I google things to help with hangover
which was water. I took the 1,5l in the fridge and went to wake him up.
Hlanga: “Thingo please.”
Me: “Why did I come here if you are going to leave me alone or sleep on me?” He
sat up as fast as he could. I gave him the water.
Hlanga: “Thanks.” He drank up
Me: “Is this how things are going to be when I move-in with you?” he rubbed his
head “Spending nights all alone. Id like to know so that I am prepared Hlanga.”
Hlanga: “Of course not. I am sorry, it wont happen again.”
Me: “Okay. Don’t forget you taking us shopping.”
Hlanga: “You see why I want you to drive, you could’ve just easily taken my car
and did whatever you needed to do.”
Me: “Mxm!!”
Hlanga: “I am serious. I hardly slept Thingo and now I have to go shopping.”
Me: “Hlanga I thought you are being supportive.”
Hlanga: “Thingo lwam I support you 100% BUT you and Banele shopping, because
you take forever.” I was kinda asking for too much from him.
Me: “Okay sleep ke we’ll take a cab.” He nodded while drinking water “And I
made you breakfast.”
Hlanga: “Thank you baby. I’ll eat later.” With that he went back to sleep. I went to
take a shower and lotioned in the bathroom and I made my way to the room. He
was really out of it. I wore black leggings with a white vest and his denim shirt
together with my vans. I had lost so much weight it was shameful. I prepared
water for Anathi and I bathed her as well and I dressed her in a white long sleeve
top and a blue dungaree with uggs, the weather was offish outside. As we were
waiting for Aya to finish up Nqobani came in with 2 girls one who was my age and
one was Aya’s age.
Nqobani: “Thingo lwethu.” Oh hayi this guy. And he smiled. He had the cutest
smile.
Me: “Hey Nqobani. Unjan?”
Nqobani: “Ngyaphila nkosazane. These are my two younger sisters Nolwazi and
Sne.” I nodded “Guys this is Thingo, baby Anathi and Banele.”
Us: “Nice to meet you guys.”
Them: “Likewise.”
Nqobani: “There’s one missing.”
Nele: “She’s still getting dressed.”
Nolwazi: “Are you guys going somewhere? Ngoba besithi sonilanda, we taking Sne
to bounce.”
Me: “Bounce?”
Nolwazi: “Yeah. Its an indoor trampoline park.”
Nele: “Sounds fun. But we have to dress shop for the bride.”
Nqobani: “Aya and Anathi can come with us and you can do your thing.” He was
eating Hlanga’s food. They were one so he was on his own.
Me: “Are sure? You don’t mind.”
Nolwazi: “I will come shopping with you guys. Cebo will watch Anathi”
Me: “Okay let me go check on Aya.” I found her done “Baby do want to go play at
a trampoline park or dress shopping with us?”
Aya: “Really!! Trampoline park Tee!! Anything that is not in Tongaat I wanna do.” I
laughed she was so extra.
Me: “Okay. We’ll catch up with you guys later” she nodded and went to the
lounge and I went to pack Anathi’s bag. “Please take a lot of pictures of them.”
Nqobani: “Will do.” Aya took Anathi’s bag and they left. We called a cab and we
went to Sandton and went to about 3 stores with no luck. I was starting to get
bored and cranky until we went to YDE. The Khosi Nkosi line was everything I
needed. I bought 2 plain dresses one was blue and the other was olive green and
was off the shoulder. I also took 2 printed ones. I had the money guys with the
random deposit from Hlanga made, I didn’t see why not. Nolwazi helped with the
heels and the hat instead of a doek was Banele’s idea. I decided to shop for my
more dresses for when I assume my makoti duties. I had to look the part plus I
had to keep up with a man like Hlanga who made a statement with everything he
wore. I was his wife after all. We had lunch at The Butcher, it was Nolwazi’s idea.
She screamed rich girl everything about her was money from her handbag to her
shoe not to mention her weave. And the shops she was taking us to and she knew
Mandela Sqaure like the back of her hand. After lunch we took a cab to Midrand
and we found Nqobani and a pregnant lady. At first I thought it was his girlfriend
or wife but it was Cebo. Anathi was covered in sugar and she seemed to be
enjoying herself and Aya and Sne were having the time of their lives. We also
bought socks and jumped in those tramoplines and it was so much fun. I felt
young again. It took me back to the days when my mother would take me to the
park and winter shows whenever they were in town. After sometime Hlanga
came and we drove to Soweto for the braai. Lonhle joined the braai later on. They
seemed like a happy family and I liked the feeling of being part of them. We later
went home and we slept. Everyone was tired but Hlanga wanted us to talk and for
me to tell him what was stressing me out so much. We spoke about everything
and me having to apply again for the following year. I couldn’t wait for the year to
end so I could study. That weekend taught me that family doesn’t have to be
blood. Nolwazi and Cebo treated us like family and they were so welcoming of
me. I was also in awe of the way Hlanga was so supportive and how he had my
back. I owed him my life man.

»11«
HLANGA
Jo-Ann: "Thank you for giving us a chance again. So how did your wife take my
unannounced visit?" She seemed happy while asking that question. Sex is sex and
I could never say no to free pussy.
Me: "My wife is not a topic we are going to discuss Jo-Ann ever."
Jo-Ann: "Okay." She was a bit disappointed "So is she here in Joburg or back
home?" I got out of bed and found my clothes. "You are leaving?"
Me: "Yes. Its clear that you haven't learnt anything. Our arrangement has always
been just sex. No conversation, no contact and the past 10 minutes you've talked
about my wife 3 times." I looked at her straight in the eyes "Jo-Ann you have
catched feelings and this wont work now."
Jo-Ann: "Zwe please don't do this, I am sorry. I promise, I'll behave and stay in my
lane. Like you said, your wife is not a topic we'll discuss ever again." She didn't
deny having feelings and she was going to be a problem if I let this continue.
Me: "I can't do this with you anymore Jo-Ann. Lose my number!" I took my things.
I think she was crying but I left. She shouldn't have committed to this if she didn't
have a handle on her emotions. The plan was to drive back home in the morning
but driving through the night worked as well. My uncles had summoned me home
and apparently I couldn't even tell Thingo about the fact that I was in town.
Whatever it was, it was serious. It was the longest drive but energy drinks got me
there. I come from a big family from my father's side especially. I have 5 living
uncles and 3 are dead and that makes my father the 9th boy. Yeah not aunts for
me.
Me: "Obaba called and I came, what is this about?"
Bab' Muzi: "Its part of the Mthethwa tradition for a man who is about to take a
wife to go through what we called you for." They were talking in riddles and I was
impatient.
Me: "And that is?"
Baba: "Awu Nkomose!!" Next thing all of the men stood up because of the man
who entered the rondovel and we all shook his hand. He was intimidating
Nkomose: "Sikhulekile koNyambose, Dingiswayo. Nkonyane yenkosi!" We all
chuckled.
Baba: "Wuye lo umfana." He pointed at me
Nkomose: "Hambani ke bo Nyambose nisishiye no mfana(Leave me with the
boy)."
Baba: "This is for the best mfana and you are in good hands with uBaba
Magubane." All the men left. "Your fathers want me to cleanse you."
Me: "Why, I am fine."
Nkomose: "Maybe you are but I do this with every member of your family." I
nodded "Lets go for a drive." We left the house and we got in his car.
Me: "What's this about?"
Nkomose: "..." He kept driving until we got to a house on the hill. "Come." He lead
us to a hut. It was the only building there. "Phone, watch and wallet." He had his
hand out and I handed him all my possessions. "This will be your home for the
next week."
Me: "What?? That's crazy, I have a job and I am getting married in two weeks so I
need to prepare." Were my fathers crazy?
Nkomose: "I don't care." He really didn't because instead he sat down and
instructed me to do the same. "I have sensed a lot of things since we shook
hands." Oh no!!
Me: "Things like what?"
Nkomose: "Like guilt. I also sensed a temper from you." I just looked at him
because he wasn't wrong. "This is a safe space and I'd like us to be honest with
each other." I nodded "What are you feeling guilty about?"
Me: "I thought this was about you cleansing me and not asking about my
business."
Nkomose: "Stubborn as well." He stood up "Today I am leaving you with your
thoughts. No alcohol or women." I was shocked
Nkomose: "I know everything. I don't understand how you can say you getting
married were as there's another woman's scent is following you." He left me
shocked. The man wasn't playing, he really did leave me with my thoughts and I
hated every moment of it, alcohol and sex were my escape. The next morning he
woke me up so early in the morning, since he took my phone and watch I didn't
know what time it was. I had to drink 5 litres of some muthi he prepared and I
didn't like what was happening to my body. If I wasn't running to the toilet, I was
vomiting. He claimed that it was working but I felt weak and sick. Was getting
married worth it now, I kept asking myself that because if I wasn't drinking
something with a bitter taste, I was chewing herbs.
Lonhle: "You look horrible." He laughed
Me: "You have no idea." He was still laughing "What day is it?"
Lonhle: "Its Saturday. You coming back tomorrow, so don't worry."
Me: "He took my phone Lonhle and I haven't spoken to Thingo in over a week.
Please go check up on her for me."
Lonhle: "Okay." We sat spoke about general things but he was filling me in about
the situation at home. He came with fruits and my mother's mutton curry, that
woman was a heaven sent and my clothes. He left after the man told him to. That
was the first human contact I have had in 6 days besides Nkomose grilling me
about my past.
Nkomose: "I have to say, I have never met such a subborn man." He was referring
to the fact I hadn't answered any of his questions.
Me: "..."
Nkomose: "Its your last night here and I want us to actually talk." I nodded.
Me: "But I have nothing to say."
Nkomose: "Okay." He was disappointed. The man didn't understand how badly I
wanted to forget everything in the past. He stood up and gave me herbs to drink
to help with my energy. The following morning I was woken up my my fathers and
they had a goat with them. The whole ritual of asking and appeasing the
ancestors happened.
======
Thingo: "The whole week Hlangalezwe!!! you just disappeared on me. Are you
having second thoughts about the whole thing?" She was really mad at me
Me: "Of course not baby. I am sorry for disappearing on you like that. I am back
now and I will make it up to you." She could never know about what I went
through
Thingo: "..."
Me: "Thingo lwam, I am sorry."
Thingo: "I cant help but feel like you are having second thoughts. Hlangalezwe you
proposed to me, you came with this plan." I wish could say she was overreacting
but she wasn't because she didn't know the whole story.
Me: "Thingo lwam." I took her hands. "I want this, believe me I do. My
disappearance is something I had no control over."
Thingo: "You still want to marry me?"
Me: "We are already married but to answer your question, of course I want to
marry you." And her smile was back "Let me take you out to Cinnabon and then
you'll tell me how to make it up to you." She giggled
Thingo: "There's no need, I just needed your assurance. I have to go back home
and sort out your gifts."
Me: "Okay." We hugged and she walked back home. I watched her disappear into
her yard and she was already my wife technically since I had paid lobola and I
really found joy in that. I got in my car and drove back home. As the days go by
the more real things got, I was really engaged to be married to Thingo Mfeka and
in my heart I knew it was her and no one else. But my head wasn’t ready to
accept what my heart already knew. So I was going to let things playout for
themselves and like we had spoken before there was no rush. One thing I knew
about myself was the fact that I wasn’t in the right state of mind to be the
husband Thingo deserved. So my plan was while she figures her life out I’d be
fixing myself for her and my children because we were going to be one big and
happy family.
Me: “KaMfeka.”
Thingo: “Nyambose.” She said smiling. A smile crept out from my lips. I loved it
when she called me that.
Me: “Umuhle nkosazane.”(You are beautiful) Her African beauty never ceases to
amaze me. She had a weave on. I preferred her in her afro but she still looked
beautiful.
Thingo: “Ngyazibongela Nyambose(Thank you). Kant nawe ave ubukeka
emehlweni ami.(You are also good on the eye.)”
Me: “Ngibonge nam.(Thank you)” She nodded. We were sitting at the beach on
the eve of umembeso. I think it was our place now and it was where we got to
talk and go deep. “So one day we are going to be one big happy family angithi?
Me, you and our kids.” I had to know whats her take on family dynamic.
Thingo: “Already bored of me, seskhuluma ngezingane? (Talking about children)” I
laughed and she joined me.
Me: “I could never be bored of you. I just want to know.”
Thingo: “Of course our family will be big. I was an only child and I was lonely. I
want my children to be each other’s best friends. Fight and annoy each other like
you and Mpilonhle but be close like bums.” We laughed. She was crazy
Me: “Like bums really!” I was still laughing “Id really like that as well. So how
many kids are you going to give me?”
Thingo: “10 children. 6 boys and 4 girls.”
Me: “What? 10 kids” I was shocked. I always thought it was us men who wanted
big families.
Thingo: “Yes. That’s why I have to get that degree and make a lot of money so I
can take care of them.” I was glad to hear that she had a plan. "How many kids do
want us to have?" She said us!!
Me: “Don’t worry yourself about money. I can take care of us. I want as many kids
as your womb allows me to.” we laughed. My businesses were doing well plus I
had a job, so she was in good hands.
Thingo: “But still. I also want to provide for us.”
Me: “Will that make you happy?” that’s all that mattered to me.
Thingo: “Yes.”
Me: “Can I kiss you.” She seemed shocked about my request. “You are my wife
technically.” I had been craving for her lips for the longest time.
Thingo: “mmm” she was blushing. She looked so cute. I pulled her face towards
mine and our lips touched so gently. “I have never been kissed before.” She was
too innocent, I didn't deserve her.
Me: “Just follow my lead okay.” she nodded while we held eye contact. Our lips
touched again but this time sucked on her top lip, it seems as though my wife was
a fast learner because she started sucking on my bottom lip. The kiss got
passionate, next thing I made her lie on her back on the sheet we had laid down.
Our tongues danced with each other.
Thingo: “mmh.” That was a moan. We were getting carried away. She pushed me
away and we were both out of breath.
Me: “That was amazing.” I wasn’t lying. I have kissed before but that felt different
in a good way.
Thingo: “I feel different.” I raised my eyebrows “In a good way.”
Me: “mmm. Let me take you home, we have a long day tomorrow.” We stood up
and I drove us back to her house. It was packed, I didn’t want to think about the
situation at home. We were now parked outside “Ngyakthanda Thingo lwam.”
Thingo: “Wow!! Do I have to say it back? My feelings are all over the place
Nyambose.”
Me: “No you don’t have to say anything. I just want you to know.” She nodded
“And its not to pressure you. We have all the time in the world to figure things
out.”
Thingo: “One day we’ll be together Nyambose.” I couldn’t help but smile.
Me: “I also have faith Thingo lwam.”
Thingo: “Okay. Hug me so I can go get my beauty sleep.” I chuckled she loved
hugging me. I got out the car and made my way to her door. She was already out
the car. She closed the door and I pinned her against the car. We kissed again, I
couldn’t get over her soft lips. She pushed me again. I wasn’t satisfied but I
understood that we had to part ways. I baby kissed her and I gave her one of my
tight hugs.
Me: “Goodnight. I’ll see you in a few hours mfaz wam.”
Thingo: “Okay myen wam.” We laughed. She was warming up to this. She seemed
less stressed even though she lost a lot of weight but she still looked good. But
her butt and curves weren’t going anywhere. I got in my car and drove home.
=======
Umembeso or izibizo came and it went great. The set-up and everything was
great it was a mini wedding with a decorated tent and photogragher the works.
My bride was beautiful, she did justice to that dress. She chose a perfect outfit for
that day and my mother was just over the top with excitement. She really loved
Thingo. I remember the day we came home to tell them that I had proposed. She
called the whole Mthethwa clan telling them the good news. She later called me
to order and I think she might have threatened me to be a good husband to her
and take good care of her. My father was so happy about me finally growing up
and becoming the man he raised. I never understood why in the Zulu culture one
was considered a man only when he had stepped-up and became a husband. He
reminded me of the things a man should do for his wife, like providing for her
financially and being a hands-on husband. There was a sex-talk as well, which was
something we spoke about with him and Lonhle. My father was a chilled man,
very traditional but open as well. We spoke about anything with him since we
were kids. I wanted to be that type of husband to Thingo, which he was to my
mother. They had their problems but my mother was a happy wife. The
celebrations of uniting the Mfeka and the Mthethwa families went on until late
because that is why people got married. They got married to unite families and
grow bigger. The following day the Mfeka family came with umbondo and later
we had umabo at our family farm and not my father’s. We decided to do
everything all in one weekend and get it out the way. The white wedding was
optional at home like I said before I was raised by traditionalists. And the fact that
Thingo didn’t want one at that time made things even easier for us. We got our
blankets and everything that was custom from the Mfekas. Everything went well,
of course family drama was there but we made it til the end of the ceremony so
that was good. We welcomed Thingo as our makoti officially by pouring goat gall
on her forehead by my father who introduced her to the ancestors. Banele gave
her the name Siphosethu as her marriage name. It was tradition in our family that
umakoti gets a new name as a way of accepting her as one of us and she really
was our gift. Thingo bought out the best out of everyone, my mother was always
laughing and Banele has found a sister and Lonhle said he's just ready to take her
as his wife when I die, which won't happen. My leave was over, I had to go back
to work but Thingo had to stay at the family home until my mother was satisfied
with her doing her wifely duties.
Me: “You and ma are going back home today and you’ll stay with her for a while.”
Thingo: “Okay. What time are you leaving?”
Me: “Midday maybe. I transferred money into your account so you should find a
driving school.”
Thingo: “Kodwa Hlanga. Whats the rush?”
Me: “I don’t want to talk about this again Thingo, just do it. First thing on Monday
okay?”
Thingo: “Okay.” we kissed, I loved kissing her and left her cooking lunch for
whoever was in the yard. I went to sit under the tree with the old men. It was 3 of
my uncles and my father.
Bab’ Muzi: “Usebenzile mfana.”(Well done) He was the oldest brother from my
father’s siblings “I never thought you’ll get your act together.” To be honest I
missed my gangster life. I think that’s part of the reason why I kept in touch with
Chance.
Baba: “But he did, that’s all that is important.” They carried on drinking
umqombothi, I joined them
Me: “Ngyabonga bo baba.” (Thank you)They nodded in agreement.
Bab’ Thulani: “Hlangalezwe you must watch your temper around uSiphosethu.
oMfeka have trusted us and you with their daughter.” I had a lot of issues as a
person.
Bab’ Bheki: “Uyazi nje uHlanga ukuth umfazi akabekwa isandla. (You know that its
wrong to hit a woman)” One of the many rules we were taught growing up.
Me: “Impela baba. Ngizomphathisa okweqanda. (I agree. I will take care of her
like an egg.)”
Baba: “Sifuna abazukulu mfanawam.”(We want grandkids) Not this conversation
again “Ungangibheki kanjalo(Don't look at me like that). Your mother and I are
old. You happen to be our firstborn son.”
Bab’ Thulani: “Ushadile futh manje noma ungazilamanise ngeynyanga. (You are
married now,you can even have them months apart)” We laughed “oNyambose
bawubusisile lomshoda konke kuhambe kahle lokho kusho ukuth nomshado wenu
uza nezinhlamhla." (The Mthethwa ancestors have blessed this marriage and that
means it will come with a lot of blessings.)
Me: “Nam ngithemba kanjalo baba.” (I hope so too.) We carried on conversing
and talking about the good olden days and my mischeiviousness. Later in the day
we ate and Thingo and my mother moved back home and I drove back to
Johannesburg after making sure that she was well settled in. I knew she was in
good hands with my mother unlike her family. She was a bit dramatic when it
dawned on her that she was a Mthethwa now and I reminded her that it was for
the best and this was the beginning of the life she wanted for herself. As much as
I was married nothing about me changed I drank like a fish in my free time but I
was at crossroads with the sleeping around matter. I was used to a certain
lifestyle before Thingo, I didn’t answer to anyone.
Me: “Is it cheating if I live the life I had before Thingo?” he chuckled
Clive: “Well yeah technically. But you know your agreement with Thingo. Your
marriage is your marriage man.” He was right and Thingo and I had an
understanding. Her words were I could hook-up with whoever. Nothing about us
has changed just the fact that we were married.
Me: “I don’t want to do something that might hurt her.”
Clive: “Like I said your marriage is your marriage. If she understands your way of
life than its cool.” He drank his whiskey “If I were to have a say than it would
seem like im judging. Plus I thought you guys aren’t ready for commitment.”
Me: “We aren’t. I would’ve done things differently if I had an option. You know
date first all that admin”
Clive: “Why couldn’t you?”
Me: “Well my plan was that she’ll come study this side. Once she was this side
we’d gradually take things slow. Date, fall in love and when we’ve had everything
figured out get married.” He nodded like he understood what I was talking about.
Clive: “Why did you feel the need to rush things than?”
Me: “I was slowly losing her. Those people she calls family were using and abusing
her. They didn’t want anything good to come out of her life. Thingo is a good
person and she was never going to fight them. The girl couldn’t even run away
because she felt it would be disrespectful. I had to do something Clive. I had to
take her out of there because not only was she losing weight but she was also
talking suicide.”
Clive: “Sounds deep.”
Me: “It is. I know she down-played some of the things her aunt did or said to her
but whatever she did made her think of dying and I couldn’t have that. That
woman never loved or cared about her.”
Clive: “You did a noble thing. And you seem sure that marrying her was the only
option.”
Me: “It was something I was going to do eventually. I love her and I want to die in
her arms. I just need to sort myself out first so I can be the man she deserves.”
Clive: “That comes with dealing with a lot of things. Like opening up about your
past and coming to terms with it because all you have been doing is avoiding it.”
Me: “Eish I know.” I couldn’t tell Clive this but the truth was nothing scared me
more than facing my past but what scared me the most was the idea of losing
Thingo, so I had to do something. We sat and conversed with my good friend and
our conversation later went on to business. This whole pop-up party idea of his
was coming along. When it came to business Clive was more business-minded
than I was. I don’t know how he ended up in medicine but we ended up in the
military for the same reason which was the fact that we lacked discipline.

»11«
CONTINUED
I feel as though I am made to understand but not to be understood because I
have never met anyone who was willing to understand me but somehow they
came with an expectation of me understanding them.
Ningi: "Thank you for last night." I nodded "My husband is coming back from his
trip so I guess I'll see you whenever."
Me: "Of course." That would be Ningi Mabuza, wife to the mayor of Durban. Her
husband is my client but hay sex is sex.
Ningi: "We have been doing this for a while now, how come you haven't
suggested I just leave him?" It's because I didn't care.
Me: "We both know you'll never leave him plus its none of my business." It really
wasn't. Sex with married women was complicated, trust me. You'd think since
she's already taken she'll be all about fun but nah she still expected being treated
like a wife.
Ningi: "I will see you around then." She was done dressing up. I got out of bed and
made my way to the shower.
Me: "Sharp." I got out and got ready to go to the warehouse, that's where I spent
most of my time if I wasn't travelling. Lonely does not even begin to describe the
man I am. The only functioning relationship I had was with these old men in front
of me. They were my family their wives knew it and they just accepted that I
wasnt going anywhere and treated me as such.
Que: "First born Kenneth is dead!!! What did you do?" He seemed shocked about
that
Phelo: "Nathan no more bodies. You know this." Actually they were all a bit
panicked
Mnqobi: "You told us you can handle this without bringing attention to yourself."
Me: "Old timers would you let me explain please." They sat down, they were
anything but calm.
Lungelo: "Yeses lomfana!!"
Me: "I didn't kill Deputy Chief Justice James." I looked at Ndu "Where are those
medical records?" He handed them to me
Ndu: "Here. Bo baba you need to calm down."
Phelo: "Ndumiso akekho okhulume nawe!" (No one spoke to you) He was still
pissed about him marrying Musa. "Woaah wait, how legit is this?"
Siya: "Colon cancer?"
Que: "How was he a sitting judge?" It was a shocker indeed.
Me: "Cover ups and bribes. Anyway that's not the important thing. His will is what
we need to be careful of."
Ndu: "After blacklisting Melisizwe from every database, he's been living off his
parents but the will states that he's entitled to everything Kenneth owned under
the condition that he has an heir."
Twins: "What!!!!"
Ndu: "He might come back for Sbonga."
Phelo: "Sengifile!!!!" (When I am dead)
Mnqobi: "Nathan its your job now to make sure that never happens."
Me: "Killing him would've been easy."
Phelo: "For once I agree with you." He was pissed.
Ndu: "So we should keep tabs on him?"
Phelo: "For now yes."
Me: "Okay please leave my warehouse Ndu and I have work to do."
Siya: "Nigga please!!" We laughed.
Que: "You seem to be doing great."
Phelo: "He really is. I am proud of you first born."
Me: "Thank you old timers." They were my fathers, all 5 of them.
Lungelo: "I am proud too but Nathan who's taking care of your heart?" They really
did care about me.
Me: "I am."
Lungelo: "That's not good." I know
Siya: "I have never thought about it but what do you do besides work?"
Mnqobi: "Nathan you don't drink or have a girlfriend so how do you relax?"
Me: "I don't need a girlfriend to get laid old timer and alcohol broke up my family,
I hate it. What I do here is what keeps me going, this is where my heart is." Deep
down I knew things could be better.
Phelo: "Don't be too hard on him. Your work can only take you so far Nathan and
sex will always be there. Emotional intimacy is what you need, think about that."
He had a point.
Me: "Okay." They took their things and left. Ndu and I got down to business.
Some chancer hijacked our shipment and it belonged to a very important client.
Ndu: "So what's the plan. I mean we found the real culprits and dealt with them."
Yeah they were dead.
Me: "I want the head. Get me the boss."
Ndu: "That's dangerous Nathan. He's quite big and if we poked him its an
unnecessary war." He didn't see the bigger picture
Me: "I want his territory Ndumiso. We don't have anything in Johannesburg."
Ndu: "He's not going to give it up willingly."
Me: "At least part of it. You know what kidnap his wife and kid and we'll get his
attention."
Ndu: "You want me to do the whole your husband surprised you with a trip to
Cape Town thing?"
Me: "Yes it works like a charm." The idea is the husband thinks I have kidnapped
his family while the wife and kids can't wait to get home and thank daddy for the
trip. I am sure you have been asking yourselves, what's the story with this Nathan
guy? Well I go by Nathan Pierce originally from the Cape Flats and I am 37 years
old, I moved to Durban when I was just 15. There's nothing much to say about
myself besides the fact that I have attachment issues, Lungelo had a right to be
worried and to some degree I was worried too because I wanted what they had
but my only problem was I didn't know how to get it but for now my work was
working for me. I loved the underworld, I wasn't cut out for rules and regulations
hence I never even had a cover up job.
Ndu: "Done!!"
Me: "Okay keep me posted." I went back to my office and checked on our current
operations.
HLANGA
Colonel: “Earlier this year the 5 of you went on a training mission in the middle of
nowhere.” We nodded. That was our Colonel. We reported everything to him
which made him our boss “Well you passed that training with flying colours.
Especially you Major Mthethwa.” Oh no, I hate attention. Everyone started
clapping and I faked a smile. “With that you have been selected to represent
South Africa in the UN in the secret agent program.”
Russel: “Did you say UN as in United Nations?”
Clive: “Secret Agent as in spies?” they both asked in shock. I think we were all
shocked
Colonel: “Yes that’s what I said. Gentlemen and lady. Serving with you was an
honor but our time together ends here. You are now officially employees of the
UN."
Me: “You gotta be kidding me.” I chuckled in disbelief.
Colonel: “I kid you not Mthethwa. You all have been promoted.” While we were
still in shock an Asian woman made her way in. “This is your new boss.”
Venter: “Don’t we have to consent to the promotion? I am not built for spy-craft
Colonel.”
Asian woman: “You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t and no this program this still
under SA Military operations.” We nodded “I am Mrs Lang by the way. Colonel,
Can we have the room please?” Colonel left the room. She handed us folders
“These are your contracts with the UN.” She started explaining what each and
everything to us from the first page until the last page. We were getting paid good
money that was the only thing that stood out to me. I wasn’t ready for the change
in assignment but in the service of my country I guess I was in it. “Major
Mthethwa you are the one who will be handling this team.”
Me: “By handling you mean?”
Lang: “They report to you. You report to me. That is the chain of command.” We
all nodded “Please turn to the back of the folder.” We all turned our folders.
“Read that case and tell me how you will go about solving it.” We all read it in
silence and I must say what I was reading was things that happened in movies.
Clive: “Question?” we all looked at him “Is this a mock case or”
Lang: “No Agent Mthimkulu. It really happened. About 13 years ago a team of 5
middle-aged men took down the Government. By hacking the databases of the 3
most important departments of South Africa. Department of Finance mainly
SARS, Department of defence and the DOJ. They stole information that the public
couldn’t afford to see and in their hands there was no telling where it could end
up.” We listened attentively “So tell me, how would you have handled this case?”
Venter: “Wasn’t it easy to just eliminate them completely?”
Nkosi: “Yes. Just take them out of the equation.”
Me: “I am pretty sure these men had a plan. You cant just wake up one day and
decide to commit treason. They had to have reasons and a plan on how to get
themselves out.”
Lang: “I like your thinking Mthethwa. And you are right. They had leverage and it
was compromising leverage.”
Me: “How compromising?” we chuckled
Lang: “Since you are all sworn officers and you have clearance to this kind of
information I’ll tell you what went down. In my 20 years of special ops training I
had never come across such a situation. Those man were prepared. They opened
a back door in the databases that read and backed-up each and every file in the
system into their private network. They had everything even state budget, secret
military bases and codes. Plans to the ministers homes. Each and every protocol
in place they had it.”
Clive: “It must have taken them years to crack that.”
Lang: “Just 6 months. That’s all it took for them to bring the country down.”
Me: “What was their motive?”
Venter: “How come it never made it in the news? A crime this big they must have
wanted attention as well.”
Lang: “That’s the thing they had no motive and they wanted to keep it low key as
possible.”
Me: “That doesn’t make sense.”
Lang: “South Africa’s technology is growing but not growing fast enough. These
men had an advantage because they were resourceful in the way that they spent
their time in 1st world countries and learnt things that hadn’t arrived here.”
Me: “My question is still the same. Why go through all this trouble?”
Lang: “Power.”
Us: “What?”
Lang: “Yeah. I know you’d think it was consipiracy to something bigger but no.
After 2 years of questioning and there is no method we didn’t use. Water
boarding, electrocution, starvation. Every trick in the book and nothing worked.”
Me: “Wait! You said there was 5 of them. Why didn’t you turn them against each
other?”
Clive: “Yes find the weakest link in the crew and break him.”
Lang: “Like I said these men were prepared. There was no weakest link in the
crew. They were loyal to each other. In all of this none of them uttered a word.
Until one of them had a heart attack and they started talking"
Me: “The more you talk the less I believe you.” They all laughed
Lang: “I wish they recorded interrogations in c-max prison than you’ll know what
I’m talking about.”
Clive: “What did they say?”
Lang: “They wanted to speak to my boss.” We laughed “At that time it wasn’t
funny because a lot was at stake. People who were meant to protect the country
from such, had to answer. Everyone involved was panicked because no one knew
their motive, everyone believed they were bluffing.” This was the most
interesting thing I have ever heard. It was so gangster.
Nkosi: “Then what happened?"
Lang: “Rememer the news about the affair of the finance minister?” we all
nodded because it was all over the news, there were very compromising
messages as well. “The following day the Deputy President was in a car accident.”
Me: “You just said accident. How are they involved?’
Lang: “They sent a virus in the secret services system that later attacked the wifi
in his car.”
Clive: “Causing them to lose connection. They had people on the outside didn’t
they?”
Lang: “Yeah guy number 6.”
Nkosi: “So who's your boss?”
Lang: “Minister of Department of Defence.”
Me: “What was their conversation I am sure it was heated?
Lang: “I was there and it wasn’t. They spoke about ways to defend the country
better from people like them.”
Clive: “That’s absurd.”
Lang: “I wish I was lying. He asked to have all 5 of them sit in one room and they
started showing us weaknesses in the country’s systems.”
Me: “Genuis. I am sure they are country advicers now.”
Lang: “You got that right.” We clapped their hands. “This case is one of my
favourite because I wasn’t dealing with the worst of the worst but just smart men
who wanted power but for good. Unlike the politicians we work under.” We
nodded “I shared with you this case just to prepare you for whats to come with
this job because we walk in the dark. We chase bad guys that people don’t even
know exist. With that we lose sense of good and we think everyone is a monster.”
She was a true soldier the way she spoke “Had I known their end game I would’ve
tortured them the way I did. They didn’t deserve it. They just wanted to help.”
Venter: “But why?” why would you ask that dude? “Why did they want to help?”
Lang: “The same reason you chose to serve this country. They are family men and
they want their families to live in a country were its safe.” I was touched because I
wouldn’t have done that. “Not everyone has to hold a gun to protect their
country Venter.”
Me: “That’s true.”
Lang: “My point is don’t forget why you started. We’ll meet tomorrow, I will text
you the details.”
Me: “I am going to pack my locker.” I wasn’t a soldier doctor anymore. But we
saw it coming.
Nkosi: “As much as we saw it coming, it still so serreal.”
Clive: “Before you go. They never gained anything from this? No money nje
kanjalo?”
Lang: “Of course they wanted money. These people wiped the floor with the
ministers and have you seen how much a minister gets paid?” we laughed as she
left the boardroom. Clive and I went to the hospital wing while the rest went their
own way.
Clive: “It is weird that I kinda want to meet those men. They are so gangster.”
Me: “I know right. But we are spies now we can hack or ask around to get their
true identity.” We laughed.
Clive: “Its all so crazy. Spies for the UN even.”
Me: “I am just skeptical with the dangers that come with the job.” After packing
our lockers we went to our cars “I kinda wish Robert was here.”
Clive: “I know. I am sure we would’ve known who those men are.” We laughed
because it was true. Robert was a nosy person. “We should go see his wife and
kid.”
Me: “Yeah we should. He would’ve done the same for us.” We nodded “I will see
you tomorrow.”
Clive: “Cool. Don’t forget we have a strategy meeting with Keith at the club
tomorrow.”
Me: “About that since im buying equipment and staff. I think it best to have a
“company” car and truck. And maybe have Keith drive the car as part of
promoting “Keith’s Pop-up parties.” Ubona kanjan?”
Clive: “It works and as much as buying it will cost us, it way better than hiring
everytime.”
Me: “Okay I will look into it than.”
Clive: “Sharp.” We got in our cars and drove off. It was best I delt with it at that
time before I got too busy. Working for the UN meant a lot of travel time. On my
way to Joburg I called Chance to meet me at Rosebank. If I was to get what I want
he was my guy. We were going to meet at Newscafe and I was early obviously. I
sat down and ordered beer and a chicken wings platter. After sometime my food
came and I went in. I was a man with a very big appetite.
Chance: “Why didn’t you marry me instead since you love my face so much?” I
laughed
Me: “Between you and my wife nawe uyazibonela nje(You can see). Umubi kabi
wena. (You are ugly)” He laughed.
Chance: “Ntwanaz zikhiphan?” we fist bumped and he sat down.
Me: “Nothing much man. Ispan nawe uyaz. (The job)”
Chance: “No I don’t. I have never kept a legit job in my life.” He started eating
with me.
Me: “You don’t have to tell me about it.”
Chance: “What do you want this time?” I gave him a come on look “I know you
Hlangalezwe plus we parted ways a long time ago. Now I am only useful when you
need something.”
Me: “You make it sound like I am using you. Sisuka kude mina nawe Thuba. (We
come far.)”
Chance: “I don’t deny that. If you called me for a catch-up session than I am
happy and lets catch-up ntwana yam. But if you want something I have
conditions.” Besides Nqobani he was the next best thing to finding out the type of
person I was.
Me: “Fine what are your conditions? And you still my “Day1” ntwana yam.”
Chance: “I haven’t felt like that in a while.” He sounded sincere and I kinda felt
bad. “But there is no smoke. Hlanga I am in shit and the only way out is if I join
forces with some guy I don’t even know.”
Me: “What happened?”
Chance: “I got greedy and hijacked some guy’s shipment. Biggest mistake of my
life, my guys are dropping like flies and he took my family just to prove a point.”
Me: “Give him back his things Chance kanti yin?” I didn’t see what the problem
was. “Ask for peace and stay in your lane.”
Chance: “I did all of that Hlanga. He wants me to cease all my operations and
work under him.” That was so inconsiderate of him.
Me: “Who is this guy?”
Chance: “Its some coloured guy from Durban. His name is Nathan Pierce. The guy
is next level Hlanga, I am talking about international connections. I cant take him
out.” I nodded “I want you to negotiate with him and get my family back, I am
emotionally involved now.”
Me: “You want a partnership instead of ceasing your operations?” he nodded “Set
up a meeting now.”
Chance: “Okay. Condition number 2.”
Me: “Haibo.” He chuckled “Go on.”
Chance: “You come back and work with me and this guy. I need someone I can
trust to have my back.”
Me: “I wont lie I am tempted and I miss that life but its something I have to think
about. I have a family now, you know.”
Chance: “I am not rushing you ntwana. What is it important for now is to get my
woman and child back.” see this was the problem with being a gangster.
Me: “Okay. Make the call.” He made the call and him and I had to be at the
airport the following day. “This might be a problem. I have a work meeting
tomorrow and a business meeting. But i’ll make a plan unga worry.”
Chance: “Thank you for doing this.”
Me: “I am happy to.” We sat and spoke about the good old days in Durban. I had a
decision to make, part of me didn’t want to disappoint my oldest friend but I had
Thingo to think about now and her safety was my priority. “So I need a truck and
2 private cars at a reasonable prices.” He laughed “I am serious.”
Chance: “Okay what type of private cars?”
Me: “I will get back to you on the other one but I also want one for Siphosethu.
Safe and efficient.”
Chance: “I will talk to a guy I know and come back to you.” I nodded and we
carried on conversing.
=======
Our meeting with Mrs Lang was at our headquarters in Joburg. We were handed
service weapons, work phones, laptops. We had fake passports whatever to make
us invisible they gave us. My team consisted of a sniper which was Agent Russel,
IT specialist that was Agent Nkosi. Clive was our doctor and Agent Venter was a
lawyer so he was going to be dealing with the paperwork mostly. As for me
apparently I am a born leader with exceptional skills in being calm under pressure.
After the meeting I met with Chance at the airport and Nathan’s private jet was
waiting to take us to Durban. A car was waiting for us when we landed. It drove us
to an abandoned warehouse. We got inside and it was something else. It looked
exceptional and suddenly I was interested to what this guy had in store for us.
Guy: “Madoda senikhona (Guys you are here). Lets get down to business shall
we.” He lead us to what looked like boardroom.
Me: “Hlangalezwe Mthethwa and I believe you already know my friend here.”
Guy2: “Ndumiso I have somewhere to be lets get on with it shall we.” He sat
down.
Ndu: “Of course. Ndumiso Duma is the name and this is Nathan Pierce.” We were
sitting at a boardroom across each other.
Nathan: “I see you got my message Chancellor.”
Chance: “I did and I am here to hear you out.”
Nathan: “Good than. Your family will be safe and sound by the time we finish with
this meeting. I see you bought a friend.” We nodded. “My offer is still the same.”
Me: “Before we get far with this conversation. I want you to know we are not
ceasing anything but we are open to working with you and not for you.”
Ndumiso: “Lets not forget that you guys crossed the line and you made us lose a
very important client. It not about the merchandise it about our repuatation.”
Me: “And us working under you is going to fix that how, Kanjan chaza
ndoda(explain man)?” he kept quiet “Look whats done is done. We cant change
the past. That is why we are willing to talk about the future.”
Nathan: “Okay fine. You have a point Hlanga. To be honest I wanted to branch my
business to Joburg. I have been working in Durban for far too long.”
Me: “Okay what are you bringing to the table?”
Nathan: “I smuggle, I clean money and push heists. Whatever you need me to
bring I bring. I just want territory.”
Me: “How much are we talking about?”
Nathan: “30% of the business.”
Me: “40%”
Ndu: “35% and nothing more. We come with a whole lot more. You can benefit
from this partnership.”
Me: “Benefit how. Forgive me gentlemen I already have trust issues when it easy
for you to take a man’s family as leverage.”
Nathan: “My apologies there. I needed his ear. Can we start over and as a sign of
good faith id make it 40%.”
Me: “Uthini Thuba?”(What are you saying?)
Chance: “Where is my family now?”
Nathan: “I am sure their on a flight back from Cape Town. Your baby girl seems
happy and your girl loved the surprise.” What was he on about?
Ndu: “We are not crazy people Thuba. Like Nathan said we wanted your ear and
to get our way we had to be persuasive. Your family doesn’t even know they were
kidnapped.”
Me: “Sies!! You are good.” they laughed I really wasn’t expecting that.
Chance: “I think I am going to like working with you.”
Ndu: “On that note. Ground rules are. We don’t use violence unless its defence.”
Nathan: “Theres always a better way.”
Me: “Okay. I also agree.”
Nathan: “Our contract, you can have your lawyer look at it or whatever. Once it
signed I will have my guys come and install the necessary equipment at your
homes and your warehouse.”
Chance: “Install what exactly?”
Ndu: “Panic buttons, cameras. And we have our own private network.”
Nathan: “I have a lot of enemies and since we are partners now, that makes them
your enemies. I have to protect you guys and together with anyone close to you.”
I looked at Chance
Me: “It looks like I am back in business.” He chuckled
Chance: “I am happy you are.” He looked at Ndu “Pen please.” He handed him a
pen “Screw me over and I kill you and everyone you love.”
Ndu: “Likewise ntwana and I am a very determined man.”
Me: “Okay! Okay. We all have a lot to lose here so we need each other.”
Nathan: “That’s right.” He threw phones at us “I will be in touch, I have to be
somewhere now. Ndu get jasper to take them back to Jozi.” He nodded “I am
sorry again about your family, I am not a bad guy.” With that he left. We also
followed after. On our way back it dawned on me that I was a double agent and I
had to be extra careful.

»12«
HLELO
Mamazi: “Gumede younging.” My mother was too woke for me sometimes. The
terms she used I just couldn’t keep up.
Us: “Yes mamazi.”
Baba: “Since you will be starting school soon. Mina ne Phakade lam have a gift for
you before you leave us. And its best we show you.” Things got interesting at gift
“So get ready. We leave in 30 minutes.” No one said anything my brothers and I
ran upstairs to change our clothes and look appropriate. My younger siblings
were at the Dube homestead together with Sbonga. Yeah I had a little freedom
now since I stopped breastfeeding him and he was a year old. Yes my baby was
growing up so much. He looked more and more like me the more he grew. I was
certain that he’ll be a pretty boy and will break a lot of hearts when he grows up
because he might have taken my looks but he was his father’s son personality
wise. We got ready to leave and we left in my mother’s car and she drove us to
the airport
Lakhe: “Aaah this has to be big.”
Me: “I have never been this curious in my life.”
Baba: “Patience guys.” We laughed because that didn’t even begin to describe us.
We got into baba’s private jet. Yeah we lived the life at home but we only used it
for family trips and whatever. We flew by jet to Johannesburg and my parents
drove us to Edenvale. We entered an estate and we drove in for a while and we
parked outside a beautiful double-storey house. It had nothing on our house but
it was a beaut. 3 cars were parked outside. We made our way to the door
following mamazi.
Mamazi: “Welcome home babies!!!”
Alime: “What do you mean home?”
Me: “Are we moving?”
Lakhe: “What a downgrade.” My dad laughed and mamazi was just shook
Baba: “We bought you a house you idiots.”
Mamazi: “Like really guys.” She said in her bored face “Anywho yeah we bought
you a house instead of having to rent you guys flats and stuff. It 30 minutes away
from your campuses so it aint bad.”
Baba: “Which brings us to second part of the surprise. Cars.”
Alime: “Wait!! These cars are ours?” they nodded smiling “Golf 7 tsi. Damn!!”
yeah my parents were dope.
Mamazi: “I know we are the best.”
Lakhe: “Mamazi you have no idea.” They were checking them out and I was a bit
shook in a good way.
Alime: “Sibonge koGumede.”
Me: “Phakathwayo!!” we all went to hug them. We got cars and a house guys, this
was big.
Alime: “I am taking the white one Masilakhe.”
Me: “Red is my colour.”
Lakhe: “Grey works just fine for me.” He looked at the parents “You had this
planned to the T angith?” they nodded. We were all smiling.
Mamazi: “Can we go inside because I really don’t care about the cars.” We
laughed and we headed in the house. The décor was amazing. My mother had
style and she had very expensive and unique taste. It was a five bedroom house
with a lounge, dining room and a patio.
Baba: “Sbonga is coming to live with you guys. Gugulethu you are his mother and
where you go he goes.”
Me: “Of course baba.” We went to my son’s room and it was a Cars themed room
from the bedding to the curtains. He was going to love it.
Mamazi: “I tried keeping your rooms similar to the ones at home.” She really did.
She even had our family pictures the works. It was a real house and it already felt
like home. The saying was right, a mother’s touch does wonders.
Alime: “It perfect mamazi. I am out of words now.”
Baba: “You did great zingane zam (My children), you passed high school so well.
You are good children as much as I want to kill you sometimes but I am proud to
be your father.” We laughed
Mamazi: “uBaba uqinisile (baba is right). We nothing but proud parents. Some
parents have it hard you know kids on drugs and crime but we don’t have that
problem and we are grateful about the fact that you are responsible and obedient
kids.” We nodded. We were having a family moment.
Baba: “Kuka Gumede la(this is still my house) and the same rules still apply.
Siyezwana? (You hear me)”
Us: “Yebo baba.”
Mamazi: “Don’t forget why you are here and please focus. We have tried to make
things easy for you guys. The rest is on you.”
Me: “We’ll make you proud mamazi. Siyanithembisa.(We promise)”
Baba: “That’s all I want to hear. I want to brag about you to the world.” We
laughed
Mamazi: “Here are your set of keys.” She handed us our house and car keys.
“Mam Dora, starts working on Monday. She cleans, washes your laundry and
babysit of course. All you have to do is cook guys and I taught you well so no
taking advantage of each other or Mam Dora.” We nodded “She has a back room
but she can go home if she wants since she’s from Alex. She doesn’t work
weekends. So Hlehle plan your schedule around that.” I nodded “Am I leaving
anything out baba?”
Baba: “I think that’s about it. Are you happy?”
Lakhe: “I am estatic Qwabe. If being good gets you nice things Imma keep on
being good.” we laughed. Lakhe had too much of mamazi’s joker side while Alime
was baba with everything. He hardly spoke but you felt his presence.
Mamazi: “Okay we can go back home ke and start packing.”
Baba: “We don’t have airspace Zusakhe.”
Mamazi: “When will it be available?”
Baba: “After 5 hours.”
Mamazi: “We can explore Jozi than.” And we did the most with my family. Had
late lunch and shopped for a few things. My mother and I couldn’t leave a mall
without buying an item of clothing.
=========
The amount of packing I had to do. I had too many stuff just for one person. My
mother helped me out with Sbonga’s things and offered to help unpack at the
new house. It looked like we were moving, I guess we were because our lives
were going to be based in joburg now. Baba had to hire a movers’ truck to get our
things there. It made sense, it was the 4 of us and Lakhe’s equipment and Alime’s
electronics took up so much space. The parents together with the siblings spent
the week with us and helping us settle in. I was going to miss being in one house
with them. Coming from a big family had its perks especially me I was an older
sister and they looked up to me. Which meant they groupied me, which is why we
sometimes slept uncomfortably in one bed.
Mamazi: “Qwabe the girls and I are going to find a spa and pamper ourselves.”
Baba: “Hawu Zusakhe what am I suppose to do with your sons?” he said laughing
Malo: “Really dad.”
Mamazi: “Im sure Hlehle has a dress you can borrow bese uhambe nathi.(than
you can come with us)” We laughed.
Baba: “Mxm! Uyabhora shem (You are boring). Hambani (leave).”
Mamazi: “I love you too baby. Asambeni mantombazane (Let's go girls).” I took
my Michael Kors handbag and phone “You are driving us Hlehle.”
Elihle: “When am I getting a car mamazi?”
Me: “When you are my age and that is 5 years from now.”
Elihle: “mxm akuse kude(That's far).”
Mamazi: “Hayi musa ukuthanda izinto Sasa. You’ll only get a car if behave yourself
and get good grades at school.”
Elihle: “But ngya passa nje mamazi”
Me: “keep it up ke for the next 5 years.” We found a spa and we pampered
ourselves. After that we went to buy weaves, I was a wig person because I loved
my hair as well. Elihle was joining me with wigs since she couldn’t have them at
school. Mamazi said she had to look like a school kid
Elihle: “Mamazi why don’t you like weaves?”
Mamazi: “Its not that I don’t like them, I don’t know its just that I have always
been natural.”
Me: “How about we buy you just one wig.”
Mamazi: “Okay. I want something with volume.”
Me: “Try the kinky curls.” And she went on to trying wigs until she was satisfied.
She came out with with 3 since she couldn’t choose and she looked good in all of
them. My mothers was always willing to try new things and she valued my
opinion just like I did hers.
Mamazi: “Hlehle I was thinking that you go on contraceptives.” I was a bit
shocked and I didn’t see it coming “I just want us to be on the safe side. We cant
afford another child, baby.” I nodded “Its not only about pregnancy baby you
need to be careful people are sick out there. Use condoms, always have a pack in
your bag.”
Me: “hayi mamazi. Now it will look like I am always ready to give it up.”
Mamazi: “That’s an immature way to look at it Gugulethu. Its not only the guy’s
responsibility to bring protection. You are both at risk either way, so you might as
well be the responsible one.”
Me: “I have never looked at it that way.”
Mamazi: “That’s why I am here, to show you the way.” We were at Dischem now.
“This is not me saying sleep around Hlelolwenkosi. I am just being a parent and
taking the necessary precautions. There are a lot of diseases and they can be
avoided if you take care of yourself but abstinence has always been the best
contraceptive.” I nodded “Go see the nurse while your sister and I look around.” I
sat down with the nurse and we had the contraception talk and she gave me
options. I couldn’t take the pill because sometime I forgot to take my insulin. I
opted for the implant it was less admin and it was for 2 years. When I was done I
found my mother with 10 boxes of condoms and other things in her trolley. We
paid and we went back home. Mamazi cooked our favourite meal since it was the
eve of their departure. We had samp and beans with bones for dinner. After
dinner they asked to have a word with us.
Baba: “Ngiyanithemba ke zingane zami kuthi nizofunda ngokuzimisela and make
me a proud father.” (I trust that you will be dedicated to your studies.)
Alime: “Siyathembisa Qwabe.”(We promise)
Mamazi: “Masilakhe and Alimikhaya. Take care of your sister and my grandson”
Them: “We will parents.” Not this twin thing of theirs. We laughed. My mother
handed them the boxes of condoms and gave me one as well.
Baba: “Use them I will kill you. Ngifuna ukubuya ephelele(I want to find them as I
left them)” We laughed “Be responsible and be safe guys. As much as I hate this
conversation but I have to have it with you, you make your own choices and
decisions at the end of the day, make good ones please.” We nodded.
Mamazi: “Alime I am trusting you with my children. You are the responsible one”
mamazi was getting emotional.
Alime: “They are in good hands mamazi. When they get out of hand I will spank
and beat.”
Baba: “yey!! No one hits my princess.” I blushed
Lakhe: “hawu baba.”
Baba: “And my prince.” We laughed.
Mamazi: “You are old now guys and varsity is a weird time. You will explore and
you will make mistakes and that is okay but learn from them. Don’t forget who
you are and where you come from.”
Baba: “And how you were raised.” We all nodded. This was a very emotional
conversation.
Mamazi: “I love you guys so so much.” Tears where just falling now.
Baba: “I love you guys too much.” He opened his arms for ama huggies.
Us: “We love you too.” We spoke a bit and later went our separate ways. The
following day the family left and it was just the four of us. Tyson drove back to
Joburg the minute he heard my parents were back in Durban. We had been
fighting over not seeing each other and stuff but things were going to change
since we were in the same city and I had my freedom. I was really happy that my
parents were so open-minded even Emma mentioned it at how lucky I was that I
didn’t have to stay in Durban because of Sbonga. They allowed me to live my life
they way I wanted with my son in the picture. Sbonga was my happy place, I loved
him beyond words. Part of me would’ve decided to stay in Durban if things didn’t
turn out this way. I couldn’t imagine how my life would’ve turned out without him
especially after spending a whole year looking after him. Melisizwe was really
missing out on the blessing we had made. He bought joy in the house, whenever
his uncles disappeared for a while, the first thing they asked when they got home
was “Where is Sbonga?” Nothing gave me more joy than my family accepting him
and loving him without reservations.
I took a last look at myself on the mirror, not to toot my own horn but Toot! Toot!
I looked really good in my floral off-shoulder palazzo jumpsuit and black block
heels. My hair and face beat were on point too. While I was checking myself out
mama called
Me: "Hello mama."
Mama: "Haibo Zande, you haven't said anything about Sphe's school fees and
Lethu and Sonke need school shoes." My mood went from 100 to 0 that moment.
Mama was actually my aunt, she's my mother's sister and she raised me since my
mother died.
Me: "Okay I will sort it out."
Mama: "We also need food everything is running out."
Me: "Okay."
Mama: "Okay dear, my airtime is running out" and she hung up. My name is
Azande Jele and I am 30 years old, I work as an occupational health nurse at a
medical centre in Johannesburg. My life is very complicated, if you want to find
out, how deep you better stick around. I can't believe I let my friends talk me into
blind dating, not that I was desperate its just that everyone around me is either in
a stable relationship or married. And also the fact that I have been pining over my
failed relationship with Thapelo for far too long now. It was time I let him go and I
have never put myself out there says Bongi, my best friend. So her and her
husband hooked me up with a colleague. I texted the guy that I was on my way
and he replied with the fact that he was going to be late, mind you I was already
late. I started being skeptical, maybe we should just cancel I texted back. I was an
impatient person, I was the type who preferred people waiting for her and not
the other way around. He begged me not so I drove to Rosebank just to get me
started on the drinks because the call from mama got me stressed out. I took care
of mama and my cousins and also somehow survive and I didn't earn much but to
mama I was a millionaire.
Voice: "Natasha?" I turned, who uses my second name?
Me: "Mandla?"
Man: "Yes Mandla Nkosi."
Me: "Natasha Jele." We shook hands but he seemed disappointed. Mandla was an
average guy, a bit too skinny for me but I could work with him
Mandla: "Wow! When Loyiso described you he forgot to mention that you are a
thick mama but you still beautiful." What? How does my weight fit into this?
Me: "Is that a problem?" I was already giving him attitude. Yes I was a big girl, size
40 to be exact and I had it all big boobs and thighs and a belly but I was
comfortable in my body and I didn't have any confidence issues.
Mandla: "To some degree yes. I have always liked my women slim." He was an
ass!
Me: "I guess our date is over because slim is something I will never be." I can't
believe I looked good and wasted my makeup on that, nxa. I signalled the waiter
and I asked for my bill. I paid and left and he didn't even try stopping me or down
playing his disappointment. I was done with blind dating. I got to my flat and
started cleaning it. I cleaned when I am stressed out. I was stressed about money.
I honestly didn't have the money but I was a girl who always had a plan. I took my
phone and called Bongiwe
Bongi: "I didn't expect to hear from you so soon."
Me: "Yoooh tsala the guy was an ass. I am never letting you and Loy set me up
again."
Bongi: "Kanti what happened, Mandla is such a gentleman." I laughed, which part
of him.
Me: "Not the Mandla from today. He was an ass and usho ungamathambo
nxa!(He's so boney)" We laughed
Bongi: "I am sorry tsala, we were only trying to help."
Me: "I know and I am grateful but I don't need a man right now." I really didn't, I
had bigger problems like black tax. "I will see you guys soon."
Bongi: "Okay babe." I hung up. Bongiwe was a sister I never had, we actually met
through our boyfriends during our first year in university and we hit it off. We
later broke up with those lames but we kept contact and got even closer so I
guess its safe to say that those relationship weren't a total waste. I got into my
comfortable pyjamas and sat down and started budgeting, if I was going to be
able to maintain myself and the endless needs of my family, I needed to work
harder. I texted my boss requesting overtime and she was happy that I availed
myself and overtime was good money. The following morning I kick the blankets
like Bruce Lee and ran to the shower because I was already 10 minutes late. I am
always late for work, that's what I am famous or should I say infamous for.

»12«
CONTINUED
THINGO
Me: “How long will you be gone?” I said in a shakey voice
Hlanga: “Baby we spoke about this. My new job is not like the old one. I cant tell
you anything besides the fact that I am leaving.” I was starting to hate the fact
that he got a promotion. I never pictured myself living alone.
Me: “I know. I am just scared Hlanga. I will be all alone in this apartment.”
Hlanga: “I can ask Lonhle to come live with you until I come back.” I didn’t want to
be a nuisance to him.
Me: “No its okay. Im a big girl, I will survive.”
Hlanga: “I will call you whenever I can, I promise. I transefered money into your
account for whatever you might need you know food and petrol. It should be
enough until I come back.” yeah I felt R30k was more than enough considering
the fact that I had a bursary that gave me an allowance.
Me: “Don’t you think its too much. I have money from the bursary and my needs
are not that big.”
Hlanga: “Siphosethu.” Whenever he calls me by my marriage name he is about to
be his controlling self “I already feel like I am not doing enough for you. Whether
you use that money or not, I don’t care because more is coming after that. Its just
money and I wake up everyday to go and make more of it.”
Me: “Okay fine. Let me take you shopping ke before you leave. You haven’t
bought clothes since I moved here.” He smiled and I couldn’t help smile back “Is
that a yes.” He nodded “Okay asambeke.”(let's go)
Hlanga: “You are driving.”
Me: “okay.” I hate driving guys, there is just too much admin. We went to the car
and I drove us to Mall of Africa. Things have been okay between him and I. Still no
pressure, we kiss here and there its not deep and I must say kissing him is the best
thing after his teddy bear hugs. He works a lot but I have adjusted to that because
I am too focused on my studies. Im doing LLB at Wits and I am loving every
moment of it, I also took an elective in information systems. I was computer
illiterate so it was best to familiarize myself with it now than when I get to the
workplace. I had been using Hlanga’s laptop but I think it was best I buy my own I
mean I had the money. On the day I finally moved in with him, he couldn’t fetch
me from Tongaat so I had to fly again and when I got to the apartment he helped
me unpack and all. We shared his room. I was okay with it, I shared a bed with
Aya for half my life. He insisted on us sharing his room and bed and also the closet
and everything in his room. We shared the bed and did everything that couples
do besides sex and we don’t shower together either he said he doesn’t want to
tempt himself. I mean I woke up with the guy’s boner poking my ass or stomach
everyday because Hlanga was a cuddler and I had abandonment issues I guess
that’s why the dynamic worked. After he helped me settle in, he took me to the
parking lot and gave me keys to a charcoal grey BMW M2 and it was brand new
and said its mine and this is the reason why he wanted me to learn how to drive. I
remember I was nervous to my stomach when he told me to drive to Lonhle’s flat
in Pretoria. But I did it and now I drive around Joburg with ease. Nolwazi and I
have become really close. She was doing her final year again in Architecture and
Cebo gave birth to a chubby baby girl and she named her Nosihle. She got back
together with the baby daddy and Nqobani wasn’t happy about that. I didn’t
understand why because couples fight and make up so whatever reason the
broke up I am sure they looked past it for their mini family. I hadn’t made contact
with my family since the day before I left Tongaat, it was only fair for me to report
to them about the move. Snothi showed no interest to my visit while Aya cried
just like she cried on the day they left me with the Mthethwas. I gave her money
to buy herself a phone so we could keep in touch. We had been talking about her
visiting us for the June holidays since they are longer, it was all up to her parents.
Snothi failed her matric again and she did worse than before. I always heard
people say that upgrading or finishing your matric via a finishing school was a
trap, only a few passed. If she cared about my opinion I would’ve suggested that
she goes back to high school and be a full time learner. I know it would be
embarrassing especially for a person like Snothile but in the long run it would’ve
been worth it. Themba dumped her and his mother took Anathi and said she
should figure her life out. Aunty was being a supportive mother to her child and
never called her out on her bullshit. Snothile was spoilt and it was Aunty’s fault
because she never held her accountable for anything. I took him to all the men’s
shops and he chose whatever he liked and I voted if I liked it or not. He wanted
ribs for lunch and we went to spur.
Hlanga: “I think I like being spoilt.” I laughed and he joined me.
Me: “I think I like spoiling you as well. Should we do Cinnabon after this?” we
were still laughing.
Hlanga: “You are a blessing kaMfeka. Who knew having a wife would be this
great” He was crazy shem and I liked that side of him. Who am I kidding I liked
everything about this guy. “We’ll have them at home.”
Me: “Of course I am too full.” I had a milkshake with my ribs so imagine.
“Nyambose is it okay if I go to a party tonight. A friend of mine invited me to
one.” Yes you heard right I have a friend, who is not Hlanga or Aya finally. His
name is Bheka Khumalo, it seems like I can only be friends with guys and the
other one is my husband.
Hlanga: “A friend? How come I didn’t know about this friend?”
Me: “I don’t know I guess it slip my mind plus we only became close now. So can
i?” batting my eyelashes
Hlanga: “Stop it.” I laughed he couldn’t say no to me when I bat my eyelashes
“Tell me about her.” Why would he assume it’s her?
Me: “Firstly it’s him.”
Hlanga: “Haibo umfana?”
Me: “Yeah is it a problem?’
Hlanga: “Of course it’s a problem. You are my wife Siphosethu, I cant have these
varsity boys hanging around you.”
Me: “Wow okay! Hlanga I thought you were open to me living my life the way I
wanted even when im your wife.” We were now staring at each other and Spur
went quiet because we raised our voices at each other. “What happened to no
pressure and I didn’t say I am going sleep with him. He is a friend.”
Hlanga: “Does he even know you are married?”
Me: “Yes he does. What is the problem kant? You know what I am leaving.” I
stood up and I went to the till. I paid and left with him following me. Hlanga has
serious control issues. I am not sure if its with me or he is generally like this. We
got in the car and no one was talking. We got home and he was the 1st one out
the car, I decided to stay. That was our first real fight, I need time to think on how
to handle it. The problem with Hlanga is that I was his wife when it was
convenient for him. He goes out drinking and disappers in the middle of the night.
I just have to take it and understand because we are not a couple. I only asked to
go to a party and the sin here was that my friend was male. I went in the house
and I found him playing his playstaion. He does that when he doesn’t want to
think “Hlanga how was it okay for us to be friends and now you have a problem
with Bheka?”
Hlanga: “Firstly you will never walk away from me when I am still talking. Okay?” I
nodded, I was a bit scared because his voice of authority was back “I don’t have a
problem with you having friends it just that I find it weird that you never
mentioned him before and now he has invited you to a party. Where there will be
alcohol and drugs. Thingo you are my responsibility, if something were to happen
to you I don’t know what would become of me.”
Me: “Than why didn’t you say that before instead you sounded like a really
jealous husband?”
Hlanga: “I am a jealous husband Thingo lwam and I guess I lost control of it. You
are right I should be okay with the choices you make about your life.” He sounded
so disappointed
Me: “Hlanga do you trust me?”
Hlanga: “Of course I do.”
 Me: “Than you don’t have to worry about these varsity boys. As much as Bheka
doesn’t believe that I am married because I have no ring. He respects that. You
should meet him, you have a lot in common actually”
Hlanga: “Should I get you a ring?” he had his serious face.
Me: “No please.”
Hlanga: “I am getting you one, I don’t know why I asked.” He stood up from the
couch “I don’t like that boy and I don’t think I ever will. Call him to come over so I
can meet him.” He went to our room. Being married to him might have been a
mistake now. He took things too personal and he saw problems where there
aren’t any. He had nothing to worry about when it comes to Bheka. He was just a
guy who copied my notes everyday until we became friends. The reason why I say
he was just like Hlanga is because of he also had this authority thing about him
and the guy hardly smiled even when he was in a good mood. I called him to
come over and I explained the situation to him.
Bheka: “What is it that he really wants us to talk about?”
Me: “I guess you have to talk to him to find out.” He shook his head as he sat
down on the couch “Can I get you something. Beer, water or juice?”
Bheka: “Beer is fine.” I went to the fridge to get him some of Hlanga’s beer. There
was just too much alcohol in this house. I was an occasional Remy Martin cognac
drinker. I loved its smoothness. I went to call Hlanga from the bedroom.
Me: “Nyambose this is Bheka Khumalo. Bheka this is my husband Hlanga
Mthethwa.” I had to empasise on the husband just to ease Hlanga’s jealousy.
Hlanga: “Mntungwa.”
Bheka: “Yimi impela Dingiswayo.” They were shaking hands.
Hlanga: “Isho ke ndoda uthi umsaphi umfaz wam?”(Where are you taking my
wife?) I hate when he calls me that and he knows it. “Ngoba phela mina
angikwazi.”(Because I dont know you)
Me: “That is my mistake Nyambose. I should have told you sooner about Bheka
and I’s friendship.”
Hlanga: “You should’ve, it would’ve made things easy. I am not against your
friendship. I just get uneasy when people I don’t know play around my family.”
Bheka: “Kuyazwakala mfo kanti ungakhathazeki mina no Thingo we are just good
friends.”(That's understandable but dont worry we are just good friends)
Hlanga: “I hope that’s all it is. Can I trust you with her? Not just at this so called
party but in general. If you are friends it means you will spend time together and
what not.”
Bheka: “Of course. You don’t have to worry yourself, I’ll take care of her like my
family”
Hlanga: “Fair enough. Zicaze ke ndoda.”(explain yourself.)
Bheka: “Bhekamantungwa Khumalo odabuka eNtabamhlophe.”(I am from
Ntabamhlophe)
Hlanga: “Oh hayi ngezwa ke(I hear you). How did you guys even meet?”
Me: “Should I tell him?” I laughed “Well Nyambose this leech here milks me for
notes and copies my assignment every chance he gets.”
Bheka: “Tee come on. I am not that bad.” He was a bit embarrassed “I did explain
my situation nje and you seemed to understand.”
Hlanga: “What situation is that?”
Me: “That he parties 7 days a week and never attends his lectures.” Hlanga
laughed and I didn’t see the joke
Bheka: “You make me sound so bad. How is Hlanga going to trust me now?”
Hlanga: “You should be worried. Ngath you are a bad influence nje.”
Bheka: “Kanti lutho ke. I was still hyped up about varsity and my new found
freedom.”
Me: “Really for 2 years?”
Hlanga: “What? You failed 1st year twice?” he laughed
Bheka: “Eish Johannesburg is something else my guy. The party never stops here.”
Me: “You need prayer shem.” We sat and spoke while they drank their beer. I
decided to have a double shot of cognac. They were getting along just fine.
Nqobani barged in as always. I had come to accept that about him
Nqobani: “Thingo Lwethu.”
Hlanga: “Uzokhala Nqobani.”(You'll cry) I laughed
Me: “Don’t be jealous. Niyisthembu sam angithi.”(This is my polygamous
marriage) We laughed again including Mr Serious “Anyway Bheka this is my other
husband Nqobani. Husband this is Bheka my friend.”
Nqobani: “Are you sure he’s not husband number 3?” I wasn’t ready for that one
“Nice to meet you man.” They shook hands
Bheka: “Likewise.”
Hlanga: “All I am saying is, I kill people when it comes to Thingo lwam. Uzwile
Nqobani L-W-A-M-I!!” we laughed again. The more time I spent with Hlanga the
more I learnt that he had a joker side to him and it was his fun side.
Me: “I feel so special right now” I said fanning myself
Nqobani: “Haibo whats special about me dying?”
Me: “Mxm. Nevermind. I am going to get ready.” I stood up “Bheka we are taking
your car right?”
Bheka: “Of course. I cant have you driving drunk. Next thing I am dead.”
Hlanga: “Kuncono ngoba uyaz.”(Its good that you know)
Me: “Hlanga your threats are too much.”
Hlanga: “They are not threats nkosazane. Just facts. Now go get ready.” I made
my way to the room. I had no idea what to wear. I showered and did the whole
admin process. I needed an outfit. On days I didn’t know what to wear Hlanga’s
closet made more sense. I took out his black sweater and my blue boyfriend jeans
I was going to wear them with black and white all stars. I straightened my weave.
Yes Thingo was a weave girl now thanks to Nolwazi and Cebo. Cebo owned a
salon that sold quality weaves and Nolwazi and I were her promoters on campus.
And girls stopped me all the time asking me about my weave and that’s how we
advertised for her. I wasn’t ready for make-up and nails and I was okay with
weave because I never got a chance to do my hair growing up. I dressed up and
tied my weave into a pony tail and I was good to go.
Me: “I am all done. Asambe Man-B.”
Bheka: “Ngizokshiya kant uyaphapha.(I will leave you since you are forward)” I
laughed
Me: “Suka! Husbands I am out of here.”
Hlanga: “Be safe and call me if you need me to come fetch you.” He was walking
us out.
Me: “Okay. Hug me phela.” And he smiled, I don’t know something happened to
me when he smiled. He gave me the tightest hug and we shared a short kiss and I
was good to go. We got in the car and we drove listening to Wale. I was a fan, the
guy was a story teller.
Bheka: “Your husband is one uptight nigger.”
Me: “tell me about it. Weird thing is, its one of the things I like about him.”
Bheka: “What? That’s insane.”
Me: “You are one to judge. Have you met yourself?” I looked at him “Bheka you
don’t smile and the way you walk ngath you you are proving a point. Just like the
idiot I left at home.” He laughed
Bheka: “He loves you, you know that?”
Me: “I know that. How do you know that?”
Bheka: “Firstly he is a Zulu man and no Zulu man would allow a man he hardly
knows to go out with his wife especially at this day and age. To make it worse you
beautiful. Men are jealous Thingo and yours is worse he is possessive too. He just
didn’t want to disappoint you. That’s the only reason why he agreed.” I was just
sitting there digesting everything “That’s why I say he loves you.”
Me: “Enough about me. Where is your girlfriend?”
Bheka: “I don’t do relationships. I do hook-ups.”
Me: “Why?” I wanted to understand the whole concept of hook-ups because I
saw nothing wrong with commitment. As much as I wasn’t ready to fully commit
to Hlanga but I understood what it entailed.
Bheka: “I am incapable of love Thingo. I have too much baggage.”
Me: “Baggage or not we all want love and acceptance Bheka. I also have baggage
but that didn’t stop me from opening up to love.” We were now parked outside “I
would understand if youd say you haven’t met someone who has captured your
heart. You know what I think?”
Bheka: “Tell me.”
Me: “You are just scared of being hurt just like all of us and you are not strong
enough to admit it or take the risk.” I was also in that boat hence I was half-assing
being with Hlanga.
Bheka: “I have been hurt before Thingo but I am over it.”
Me: “Are you really? We wouldn’t be having this conversation if you were.”
Bheka: “…”
Me: “Let’s go in. its seems like the party has started.”
Bheka: “You are something else man.” I laughed and we went in the house. I was
inexperienced regarding the night life or social events but what was in front of me
looked like a braai. It was packed with a lot of good looking girls. I felt under
dressed and left out. I decided to be tied to Bheka’s hip. He introduced me to his
friends and friends of friends and their girlfriends. We listened to good music and
shared stories, it was really fun and they were good people. The drinks were going
down just fine, yeah I drank alcohol thanks to Hlanga’s influence. My poison was
brandy, I know for a first time drinker I just went for the hard stuff. I had to chill
with the girls since the guys were busy with the meat.
Girl: “Bheka said your name is Thingo, right?”
Me: “Yeah. Whats your name? Actually I never got a proper introduction.”
Girl: “Well I am Amanda, Thato’s girlfriend.” I nodded there were so many guys
there I didn’t know who Thato was. “These are my girlfriends. Sindi, Lerato and
Boipelo.”
Me: “Its nice to meet you guys.”
Lerato: “So are you and Bheka a thing?”
Me: “Oh no. we just good friends.” She looked relieved and her friends giggled.
Boipelo: “Just friends or friends with benefits. Because Bheka has a lot of those.”
This was an interrogation clearly. If only they knew I didn’t even see Bheka that
way. I mean I was having issues with loving a man I was married to.
Me: “Just friends. Nothing more.” They nodded. But this Lerato girl, something
was off about her. “So what are you guys studying?” I didn’t know these girls so
our conversation had to lead to us talking about school. Lerato was a BSc student
while Amanda and Boipelo were studying Psychology and Sindi was an AFDA
student. The braai went on, the food came and we ate. More guys and girls came
and I was starting to get drunk.
Me: “I think I want to leave now.” I was talking to Bheka. He was my ride.
Bheka: “Hawu come on Tee. The party just started.” He was getting drunk as well
and I just didn’t trust him behind the wheel.
Me: “I will stay a little ke. But I am done drinking.” I knew my drinking limit and I
wasn’t about to lose my sense at place wasn’t familiar with.
Bheka: “That’s my girl.” We laughed. “I got fetch you some water.” I nodded and
he stood up. He was such a gentleman. All night he had been checking up on me.
“Here you go.” It was bottled water. I started drinking. All of a sudden Lerato was
all over him and he didn’t seem to mind. Now it all made sense.
Voice: “Thingo!! Is that you?” I turned around to see who it was. And I wasn’t
ready, out of all people him. Was Joburg big as people made it to be?
Me: “Hawema!! What are you doing here?” he decided to hug me.
Bheka: “Haibo. Menzi whats up now? You two know each other?” Yes you heard
right. The hot Menzi from back in high school.
Us: “Yes!”
Menzi: “Tee here has been my girlfriend for the longest time.” Bheka was a bit
shocked.
Me: “You will never change. We both know I will never be your girlfriend.” He
laughed and I shook my head. He was still hot but what made him flames was
they way he dressed. It looked like Joburg had changed him for the better
Menzi: “We’ll see about that. You will be mine.”
Bheka: “Don’t hold your breath dude. Your girl is married.”
Menzi: “What?” he was shocked and disappointed.
Me: “Really!! Why couldn’t you let me tell him?” I was looked at Bheka “Now I
don’t get to enjoy the look on his face.” I said laughing
Menzi: “Haibo Tee! Married? To who and when?”
Me: “No, no. This is a party and we are here to enjoy ourselves and not talk about
me.” With that I stood up to go and call Hlanga to come fetch me. I didn’t like
people knowing I was married because things got weird whenever I mentioned
my husand. Earlier in the year we had a group assignment and we had to do it
until late at night. I couldn’t stay that long because Hlanga hated me not being in
the house after 19:00. So I had to negotiate and come up with a reason why I
couldn’t meet up until late. My reason was my husband doesn’t like it when I am
out until late and one of the girls’ question was your husband lets you leave the
house dressed like that? I was wearing a short dungaree dress. I didn’t think it
was too short and Hlanga didn’t say anything either. After that day I chose to keep
my life private and act as a student around students.
Bheka: “I crossed the line didn’t I?” I didn’t hear him come behind me.
Me: “Yeah kinda. But its okay, next time can we just keep my life out of it.”
Bheka: “Okay. But I don’t understand, why are you keeping the fact that you are
married a secret?”
Me: “Its not a secret. Menzi and I aren’t friends and I don’t think I have to share
things about me with him.”
Bheka: “You have a point. I am sorry next time I will stay in my lane.”
Me: “Its cool.” Hlanga called telling me he was outside. “My ride is here.” He
nodded “Thank you for inviting me, I had fun.” We hugged
Bheka: “Okay. I will see you in class.” I left heading for the gate.
Menzi: “Tee!!” I stopped and looked at him. “You think maybe I can get your
number.”
Me: “No I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
Menzi: “Come on Tee! You are my home girl. You know there aren’t a lot of
Tongaatians here”
Me: “Okay fine.” He gave me his phone and I typed my number. “Bye.” I left.
Giving him my number wasn’t a good idea I felt. But I have always been good at
avoiding people so it wasn’t going to be hard ignoring Menzi. I had no problem
with him, he was good looking but I never liked what he stood for. He used girls to
boost his ego and that alone for me was deal breaker.

»13«
PART 1
HLELO
School started and life got real for us. I was doing LLB at Wits, Lakhe was doing
both Sound and Electrical engineering at UJ and Alime was double majoring
Actuarial Sciences and IT with me at Wits. Lakhe wasn’t a genius like his twin but
he was a hardworker and was able to handle the pressure and me I think I was
hardworking to but what made me get good marks was my parents and brothers.
School was everything in our family and our parents made sure we got the best
education. Their words were they aren’t going to live forever and education is the
best gift they could give us because no one could take it away from us. They made
us love school and taught us value of investing in ourselves before anyone else.
Mamazi taught us the life of scheduling our lives to make things easy. My
schedule started at 5 in the morning everyday, where I jog around the area and
come back feed Sbonga and let him play in my room while I got ready to go to
campus. We divided the cooking schedule with me making breakfast and my
brothers were on dinner because none of us was around for lunch. I sometimes
cooked dinner but I hardly did because my brothers had us covered. We grew up
eating take aways only on weekends so we kept that tradition going. I spent all
day on campus, study in between my classes because id get less time at home
when Mam Dora knocks off. That woman was a saint, we got along just fine with
no drama. It was the Saturday, Sbonga and I were spending the day at Tyson’s
flat. We were still going strong with my man. I really loved him and he loved me
back.
Ty: “Baby your birthday is coming up. So what should I get you as a gift?” how
unromantic.
Me: “Surprise me papa.” He laughed. He loved being called papa.
Ty: “You cant be mad when I buy something you don’t like.”
Me: “It’s the thought the counts.”
Ty: “Okay, is it okay if I throw you a party?”
Me: “Id really like that baby.” We kissed and Sbonga just slapped Ty. I laughed.
Ty: “Awuu come on little guy.”
Sbonga: “Kiss, kiss.” And he bought his face for me to kiss. We kissed with my king
Me: “The King is jealous.” He smiled showing me his four set of teeth “Yes he is.”
He laughed instead and Ty was just smiling while looking at us.
Ty: “He is so adorable. So what is going to happen if Mr James comes back and
wants to be in his life?” I wasn’t ready to talk to Ty about my past especially that.
Me: “I don’t know and id really like us to drop the topic.” With that I got up and
went to pour juice for Sbonga.
Ty: “I am sorry Gugulethu. I wasn’t trying to upset you.”
Me: “I know, its just that I really don’t want to think about him especially now.
When I am spending the day with my best boys.” And he smiled. This man was
really hot and I just smiled back
Ty: “We’ll never speak of it again. I want to be your best boy forever.” We were
standing at the kitchen counter. We kissed for a while, Sbonga might have been
occupied by the tv. Ty was getting carried away.
Me: “Ty no. hawu!” he was unzipping my jeans.
Ty: “Come on babe. A quickie nje, Sbonga wont even notice.”
Me: “Baby no.” I honestly wanted us to bond without it leading anywhere. With
Meli we had sex the most and spoke the least and look at where it got me. I learnt
my lesson, I think before I act now.
Ty: “Hlelo we haven’t had sex in two weeks.”
Me: “And you seem fine to me. Not everything is about sex Tyson.”
Ty: “Whats the point of having a girlfriend if I am going to be sexually frustrated.”
I wanted to slap him that moment.
Me: “I am just going to pretend you didn’t say that.” I went back to the lounge
and started packing Sbonga’s toys and everything we came with.
Ty: “Eish baby I am sorry. I didn’t mean that, it came out wrong.”
Me: “Mmm!” Sbonga and I made our way to the car and Thank God he lived on
the ground floor.
Ty: “Baby I am so sorry.” I strapped my son in his car seat and went to my driver
seat.
Me: “Bye Tyson.” I drove off. He needed time to think things through.
Ty: “Gugulethu I love you.” He shouted and I was by the security gate by than
since he lived just next to the gate. I always knew that Tyson was an ass, even my
brothers warned me about him. What he said really hit home, what if it was all an
act just so he got laid until he wants something better? I drove us to Pretoria. I
hadn’t seen Emma in a while whereas Namhla and I were in the same campus but
she hardly made effort to see me. I was the one who always insisted, I got tired
and stopped trying. Emma lived in a 2-bedroom flat with some Afrikaans girl but
luckily she wasn’t a racist.
Emma: “Hey mama bear. Aaah!! The King is here!” she hugged us and she took
Sbonga from me.
Me: “Hey Emmz.” She wasn’t even paying attention to me. She was playing with
her Godson. “Haibo guys I am here.”
Emma: “The way The King gets so excited over my hair.” She said wincing. Sbonga
was obsessed with white people hair even with his doctor. “So what brings you
this side?”
Me: “Do we need a reason?”
Emma: “Of course not. But I thought you had plans with Ty.”
Me: “I did but he just pissed me off and we left him.”
Emma: “No problem. But I have plans later with my flatmate and her boere
friends.” I laughed at the way she said it.
Me: “And you are going to go out, with a bunch of Afrikaans people?”
Emma: “Trust me I don’t want to go but she insisted and she’s so sweet I couldn’t
say no. I should be studying but I cant let varsity ruin my social life.”
Me: “My life is already ruined. I always spend weekends indoors with The King.”
She mimed “shame” “Can you believe that I have been here 6 months and I
haven’t been to 1 club let alone a party whereas my brother have been partying
like theres no tomorrow.”
Emma: “You need to talk to the nanny on the side mngan. Maybe have her help
you out when you want to go out. I am sure she’d want extra cash.”
Me: “Hehehe yaz that’s an idea. I’ll talk to her. Her and I are good im sure she
wont mind.” She was making a lot of sense I wont lie. Guys I was 18 I needed to
explore and live a little even as Sbonga’s mother.
Emma: “So what did Ty do this time?” she sounded judging. My boyfriend was an
asshole guys everyone knew it.
Me: “He made a hurtful comment implying that as his girlfriend I shouldn’t deny
him sex.”
Emma: “What? He said that?”
Me: “He implied it mngan. His words were “Whats the point of having a girlfriend
if I am going to be sexually frustrated?” so tell what was I suppose to think?”
Emma: “he is such a jerk mngan. Yoh ngeke.”
Me: “This has made me re-think his intentions about us.”
Emma: “You need to set him straight mngan and he needs to explain himself.” I
nodded “You are not some sex doll that uTyson can just switch on and off. And
relationships are not always about sex. Whats his problem vele?” she was pissed
now and turning red. This girl was my person.
Me: “I cant deal with him right now. I left my phone in the car because I know
he’ll be calling non-stop.”
Emma: “Mxm. He is such a jerk.” Sbonga was slowly dosing of in Emma’s arms
Me: “I think we should leave so you get ready for your plans.”
Emma: “Don’t be crazy. We’ll leave together. Me going to the party and you
home. Let me go put him on the bed.”
Me: “Don’t forget to put pillows around him.”
Emma: “Of course.” She went to put him down and came back “Should I make
you something to eat? I don’t want you dying on me now.”
Me: “Please. I don’t know how I forget to eat. I’ll help you.” We went to her
kitchen and we made healthy sandwiches while catching up and Emma venting
about second year and her being single. She was too hot to be single I felt but the
problem with my friend is that she was picky with her men especially the white
ones whereas the black guys played her. After our late lunch Emma insisted I help
her choose an outfit. She didn’t want to come too strong on the afrikaaners, her
words not mine. The flatmate came back and she also wanted my opinion with
the outfit.
Emma: “Annie you look fine.” Her name was Annarie but because Emma was
herself she gave her an English name.
Annie: “Are you sure. I want Jannie to notice me okay.” Emma and I laughed. She
had a crush on the guy who was hosting the party. Her and the guy could work
from the pictures she showed us of him on instagram. They were both good-
looking Afrikaner people. Annie was a swimmer so imagine her body and the guy
was a rugby player.
Me: “Trust me babe he is going to, especially in that dress.” She was wearing a
little black dress with ankle boots and a kimono on top. Emma did her nude make-
up. “You are banging Annie.” She looked good. My good friend was also on point.
Let me first give you a description of my friend, she had a black person’s body as
in she was thick. The fact that she played hockey made things worse because she
had killer legs, cute butt and flat tummy. She wore a maroon crop-top with black
high-waisted jeans and white airmax sneakers and she put a biker jacket on top.
Emma: “Let me help you with Sbonga. Annie are we taking your car or mine?”
Me: “Guys please use a cab. You are going to be drinking.”
Annie: “Gugu has a point.”
Me: “I will drop you guys off at the party than you can take a cab back.”
Them: “Thank you!” with excitement. We got into the car and drove them to the
venue and made my way back home. Sbonga was cranky probably from hunger.
=======
Me: “So you decided to stalk me on campus?” that was me talking to Tyson a
week after ignoring him “We haven’t had sex in 3 weeks. Are you dead, is this
your ghost?” he was embarrassed.
Ty: “I deserve everything you threw at me this week. Baby I am so sorry, I was a
jerk.”
Me: “You still are. Tyson do you even love me?”
Ty: “Of course I love you baby. I made a mistake and I am sorry. You are more to
me than someone I have sex with. I cant lose you Gugulethu.”
Me: “This is the last time we fight about sex.”
Ty: “Okay. Walk me to class than.”
Me: “I cant, I have another one now. I will see you later.”
Ty: “I will come and see you and Sbonga”
Me: “Okay.” we hugged and baby kissed.
Ty: “Ngyathanda mami.”
Me: “Ngyathanda nam papa.” We smiled at each other and we went our separate
ways. I found me a seat next to the girls I usually sit next to in all our classes. We
were friends I guess. It was the five of us Karabo, Nthabi, Connie and Thandeka.
They were likers of things, always going out which is why they were repeaters.
Connie: “Was that your boyfriend?” I nodded. I mean we did kiss.
Thandeka: “Yoh such hotness all in one man. Looks, body.” I just smiled, I felt
uncomfortable with them checking out my man “What is he studying?”
Me: “2nd year medicine.”
Karabo: “And brains too. Does he have friends or brothers?” I laughed because Ty
was the only child with his mother and his father was a different story as for his
friends I don’t know.
Me: “I can ask for you but he is friends with my brothers.”
Nthabi: “Hook us up ghel ungasabi(girl don't be scared).” We laughed the lecture
started. We carried on talking and not paying attention. This is why I went to the
library in my spare time because I never hear anything with them around.
Thandeka: “So I got a party hook-up this weekend. Gugu you have to come
ngeke.”
Nthabi: “We’ve never gone out with you.”
Me: “I will have to make a plan for someone to babysit for me.”
Connie: “What? You have a baby?”
Me: “Yeah. He is a year and 6 months.”
Karabo: “That cute baby you are always posting is yours and not your baby
brother?” I nodded with a smile. I had free bragging rights to another human
being, tell me how can I not be happy or smile at the mention or thought of him.
Thandeka: “Awumeke(wait) where did you carry him?” I looked at her confused
by her question “Ngisho phela ngoba your body is so perfect. You even wearing a
crop top. Where are your stretch marks?” I laughed.
Me: “I was lucky enough not to get any even during my pregnancy”
Connie: “You should host us at your place so we can meet the little guy.”
Me: “If the nanny agrees to babysit for me we can have a pre-party at my house
and we’ll catch a cab to the party.”
Thandeka: “Nazo.” We spoke until the lecture ended and I went straight to the
library. I didn’t want to be behind with my school. I liked those girls. They weren’t
like the girls I was used to back home. They reminded me so much of the girls
from Safe haven. I hadn’t been home in 6 months, the family have been the one
to come to Joburg. A weekend visit wouldn’t hurt I thought. I was my parents’
baby before I was Sbonga’s mother and I wasn’t used to not seeing them that
long.
NQOBANI
I never thought in my adult life I’ll find myself in a paternity battle. The most
fucked up thing is that I did everything not to be in that position. I acted very
responsibly, I always had condoms be it in my car, house or wallet, I was always
prepared and not just against pregnancy but STIs and STDs as well. People are
dying and everyone is wondering how? Well some STIs and STDs can live in your
blood for years without even knowing about it because they are hard to detect
but they eventually they kill you. I wasn’t about to die because I still had plans
that I needed to accomplish. Mimi was pregnant and chances of the baby being
mine were very high, so I had to do the grown up thing and take responsibility but
a part of me didn’t want to set myself up for failure. The chances of the baby not
being mine were high as well.
Cebo: “So what are you going to do?”
Me: “I honestly don’t know sis. Mimi being the mother of my child wasn’t part of
the plan.” I decided to seek advice from my sister. She was a new parent and
maybe she had some wisdom. “What do you think I should do? Taking the
paternity test now is risky. The baby or her could die.”
Cebo: “You already know what to do Nqobani. Kodwa mawufuna ukuzwa ngam ke
(But if you want to hear from me), do what you would’ve done had you planned
to have the baby. Take responsibility for it.”
Me: “Cebolihle what if I invest my time and efforts only to find that its not mine?”
Cebo: “Than it wont be and that’s what you want angith? For this Mimi girl not to
be your baby mama.”
Me: “But my efforts and money Cebo.”
Cebo: “What if it is yours and you didn’t make an effort to take care of its mother
and than something happens to them?” she looked at me “How are you going to
live with yourself?” that was a good question “Nqobani you are not a selfish
person, this is not about you alone. What about this Mimi girl have you thought
about what she’s going through?”
Me: “Mimi is not a victim here, I am and the other alleged father.” was she being
serious?
Cebo: “I am not saying what Mimi did was right but the consequences of her
actions have caught up with her and she is probably not okay because I know I
wouldn’t be fine if baby Sihle didn’t have a father. She might not even carry to
term because she stressed out about this.” She had a point “So do the right thing
and help her and if its not yours than its not. You have nothing to lose honestly.”
Me: “I hear you and maybe you are right.”
Cebo: “Kodwa nawe Nqobani stop fucking around. Kant yini? You are old now.” I
laughed, I wasn’t expecting that one “Ungahleki (Don't laugh) because if you carry
on like this than this is not your first pregnancy scare. Condom or not, ubonile
nawe they are not 100% safe.”
Me: “You have a point there sisi, I need to be careful now.” As we were talking,
my niece made her presence known. “I will go get her.” I stood up and went to
fetch her the room. Maybe I was cut out to be a dad. She looked so adorable in
her pink romper. Cebo giving birth to her was a blessing to all of us. I spend most
of my days in Joburg now, I was even thinking of moving there since our
headquarters were there. She was 3 months and chubby. Her parents deciding to
get back together pissed me off. After everything that idiot did. Cebo still didn’t
know about my arrest and I wanted to keep it that way. I carried on playing with
baby Sihle who was just looking at me. She hardly smile, she looked like a cute
angry baby
Cebo: “You will make a good father yaz.” I smiled.
Me: “I hope so. I just wish it wasn’t with Mimi.”
Cebo: “Haibo Nqobani. Kanti yin kangaka?” (What's the problem?)
Me: “Mimi is all about fun and that lifestyle someone who is a parent shouldn’t be
part of.” That wasn’t the reason why I didn’t want Mimi to be my baby mama. I
also had this plan in my head that all my children will come from one woman and
we’ll be one big happy family. I just didn’t like choice assorted children.
Cebo: “Oh. But she didn’t have a child all along, maybe the baby is going to
change her.”
Me: “Me too for the sake of the baby whether its mine or not.” She nodded and
she gave me Sihle’s baby food and I started feeding her. We chilled with the sister
and a bit later Nolwazi came back with Sne who had choir practice I think. She
was really growing up to be a very cheeky girl just like Nolwazi.
Nolwazi: “Bhuti my car needs service yaz.”
Me: “Than take it to service Nolwazi.” I spoilt my sisters too much and it was
catching up with me now. They didn’t know how to get themselves out of a tricky
situation. They always called me or Hlanga “Its easy really. You call the garage or
go there physically to set up an appointment.” She made a sulky face and it
wasn’t cute. “That aint gon work. Umubi nje futh (You are ugly).” Sne and I
laughed after that
Cebo: “Nqobani come on.”
Nolwazi: “Mxm!! Niyabhora shem yaz.” She stood up and went to the kitchen. We
had dinner and after watching tv we went to bed. Spending time with them was
always good for me, I got to relax and not overthink things.
======
I decided to take Cebo’s advice and go through the pregnancy journey with Mimi.
I was going to keep my distance though, you know save room for disappointment
in case it wasn’t mine.
Me: “So are you ready?” I was picking her up for her check-up
Mimi: “Yes.” She locked the doors to her flat and we went to the car and drove to
the doctor. “Clive why are you doing this?”
Me: “I also don’t know.” I focused on the road “Maybe it’s because it is the right
thing to do.”
Mimi: “Okay. Thank you.” I nodded “What if its not yours?”
Me: “I don’t want to think about it now. Lets focus on the pregnancy, we have 6
months to figure things out.”
Mimi: “Okay.” we had arrived at the doctors. We went in and I sat outside. I did
say I was keeping my distance. I sat in the waiting area busy talking business with
Keith and Hlanga. Things were looking good, we hadn’t hosted a party yet we
were still in the planning phase, the implementation was to come at a later stage.
I had a good feeling about this venture, I was a person who liked having fun so I
knew what worked and what didn’t. Mimi came back after an hour and we went
to buy her a few things, groceries and her medication.
Mimi: “If you hear of any job openings please let me know.”
Me: “Oh what kind of jobs? And for who?”
Mimi: “For me. I will take anything right now. I need to get my shit together
because my sister is kicking me out of her flat. Something about not being able to
support an extra mouth and babies are not cheap.” That was deep.
Me: “Oh. I will tell you if I hear of something. So where are you going to go?”
Mimi: “I don’t know because my parents disowned me when I couldn’t finish
varsity.” I was so shook “My life is fucked up Clive, and this baby is going to make
things even harder but I will make a plan.” She sounded determined “I might have
been reckless but I feel like its my best shot at doing something right in my life.
Being a good mother.” Maybe Cebo was right, people do change.
Me: “Since you didn’t finish varsity, it means you have no qualification so what
skill do you have?”
Mimi: “I will try waitressing for now and see where it takes me since I cant dance
anymore.”
Me: “You danced?” I hardly knew this girl and she might be the mother of my
child
Mimi: “Used to, which is why I was so unfocused at school. I was a back-up dancer
for artists. 2 years ago I tore my ligament and I had no money for an operation so
it was over.”
Me: “I didn’t know that about you.”
Mimi: “I know. There is a lot I don’t know about you either.” We were done
grocery shopping. I drove her back home.
Me: “I guess we have time, since I will be around for a while.” She nodded with a
smile. She was a pretty girl. But I didn’t see her as anything but someone I fucked
with occasionally. “I can offer you a place to stay, if you find yourself stranded.”
She nodded “But talk to your sister, I am sure she just needed time to adjust to
the change.”
Mimi: “I will. Thank you for everything Clive.”
Me: “Okay. Bye now.” I left. I drove myself to Hlanga’s gym, I needed to punch
something. It was going to be a long 6 months of me pretending to care for Mimi.
Maybe I wasn’t entirely pretending but whatever I was doing wasn’t easy. I didn’t
want to make plans incase the baby wasn’t mine but at the same time, what if it
was mine and I didn’t. My life was a mess and I don’t know how I got there. One
thing I knew though was that my life wasn’t going to be on a stand still while I
waited for the paternity. The lesson out of all this was, nothing is ever certain. The
plans you had for yourself are just that, plans and not a guarantee that they will
come to life. After taking a shower at the gym I drove to see my building manager.
I was a hands on owner. Now that I was an agent I had more time to check on my
properties. Business was my passion more than serving my country but doing
both was more fulfilling.
=======
Working for the UN had its perks, which was money but the work that came with
it was too much. We were getting ready for a kill mission. Yes you heard me right
kill mission. It was me and Agent Russel we had to take out some drug dealer
from Colombia who was passing South Africa. Hlanga and Venter have been on
him for a few months. Study his methods and collecting information on his
operations so we could find his weak spot and strike there.
Hlanga: “So I managed to find Pablo’s weakness.” We were all gathered at our
headquarters “Its his baby mama.”
Me: “Okay how do we get to her? This man doesn’t bluff when it comes to
security I am sure he is extra careful with his family.”
Venter: “That’s true. She gets driven in a bulletproof car with 2 armed escorts.
She also has a bodyguard 24/7.”
Russel: “Than how to get to her. She makes good leverage.”
Hlanga: “This is a kill mission Russel. It has to look like an accident.”
Venter: “Pablo’s men work insync. You saw that they never detour from their
routine.”
Hlanga: “That’s why we are going to force them to. The fact that they have a
routine is our in.”
Me: “Humour me.”
Hlanga: “According to the bug I had planted in his hotel room when he was in the
US. Whenever he is in SA he loves staying at SunCity. That’s our in, he has booked
a penthouse suite for the week. And that’s when we poison him.”
Me: “I still cant see how we’ll get a centimeter next to him.”
Hlanga: “We give the baby mama an allergic reaction, apparently she is allergic to
nuts. While you Clive the doctor is giving her medical assistance. We give Pablo
the real poison in his drink.”
Russel: “What kind of poison?”
Hlanga: “Lead. Its not easy detected and it would seem like he is sick.” We nodded
“We cant have him die in SA so it has be the night before he leaves.”
Me: “Okay. So when is that?”
Hlanga: “Tomorrow.” This shit just got real. We nodded “Go get rested and we
meet in SunCity 8am sharp!”
Us: “Sharp.” We stood up and we left. Hlanga and I were at the parking lot.
Me: “We need to talk.”
Hlanga: “Funny. I was about to ask if you game if we hit the club or your place. We
cant chill at my place Thingo and Bheka are studying.”
Me: “Lets to go to PTA then.”
Hlanga: “Sharp.” We got into our cars and we drove off. Sometimes it was good to
get perspective from someone who wasn’t you. Hlanga has always given me good
advice and I trusted his judgement sometimes even better than mine. I got to my
complex and Hlanga was just minutes behind me. “Do you have food or do we
need to order?”
Me: “We have to order mfo.” He took out his phone and called Mr Delivery.
“Make it large chips.” He nodded. I went to fetch us beer from the fridge. “So
what did you want us to talk about?”
Hlanga: “Nqobani. You and I are brothers and we’ve known each other for a while
now.” I nodded “You know the army wasn’t a choice right?”
Me: “Yes I am aware.”
Hlanga: “My reasons of joining the army have caught up with me. I have gone
back to being a crook. The truth is Nqobani I loved it, having to live by my own
rules. What made me leave that life was the killing and I also lost a friend after a
heist went wrong. I never recovered from losing Linda.” I wasn’t prepared for the
heart to heart we were having. Hlanga was a closed book, I have always known
that. Having him open up took patience and I guess I had finally gotten through to
him because he was finally opening up to me.
Me: “I don’t know your reasons of wanting to go back Nyambose but you don’t
have to if it left you with scars because that means more scars will be coming
from it.”
Hlanga: “I know and you are probably right. A good friend of mine came to me for
help and I am the type of man who offers his hand when someone is in need.
That’s how I was raised and that’s how we were trained. I know the circumstances
aren’t ideal but Chance is my oldest friend and he has seen me through a lot and
failing him now would not sit well with me.”
Me: “Okay. But why are you telling me this?”
Hlanga: “Because if something were to happen to me, I don’t want you to be
surprised plus there is Thingo now.” I nodded “So here is my will.” He handed me
an envelope “Her and I can never marry at home affairs because of this life. But
she is my spouse. This is just a precaution because family and money one can
never be too sure. So if I die after my funeral make sure she gets what is rightfully
hers. My lawyers contact details are there as well and she has the same copy.”
Me: “Hlanga you don’t have to go back you know.”
Hlanga: “I know but I want to and please don’t try to talk me out of it.”
Me: “Okay fine if I cant get you out of it than I am doing whatever it is with you.”
He looked at me as if I am crazy “I am not joking Hlangalezwe. I don’t know who
the other guy is and its clear that you trust him. So you’ll have the two of us
watching your back.” he laughed and I was failing to see where the joke was.
Hlanga: “Clive my guy. You don’t have to do that.”
Me: “I know but I want to.” I wasn’t joking. If he wanted to send himself to an
early grave than it would be beyond everything in me. “So call him and tell him I
am in as well.”
Hlanga: “You are actually serious about this?” I nodded and I wasn’t smilling.
“Okay let me text him.”
Me: “Okay.” I stood up to fetch our food at the door. I paid and took it. “Please
bring plates and beer.” I put the KFC paper bag on the coffee table and he came
back with plates and more beer. We each dished up for ourselves and conversing
over nothing but it was mostly about what we were watching on tv.
Hlanga: “He wants to sit down with you. Should I send him the location?” I
nodded.
Me: “Tell me what is it that you do?”
Hlanga “Illegal arms dealing and cars and money laundering. We recently joint
forces with a smuggler”
Me: “So no drungs?”
Hlanga: “People smuggle drugs mostly so yeah drugs are there. But Chance and I
have always liked stealing and causing commotion so we push heists as well. We
liked outsmarting criminals so we stole from other criminals without them seeing
of course.” I laughed, that was insane I felt.
Me: “Okay. I see.” We carried on eating and conversing until there was a call from
the security at the gate. I told them to let him in. “He’s on his way.” He nodded.
There was a knock on the door and I assumed it was him. So I stood up to go and
open for him. I was met but a buff a guy, same size as Hlanga. “Ngena ndoda.” I
made room for him to get in and I closed the door behind him.
Hlanga: “Chancellor!!” they brotherly hugged “This is Nqobani Mthimkulu. And
Bhungane this is my Day1 nigger Chancellor Ngubane.”
Me: “Ngijabulela ukukwazi mfo.” We shook hands.
Chance: “Is this the idiot you got out of jail?” I laughed I wasn’t expecting that.
And I never got to know how I got out of jail on a Saturday.
Hlanga: “Yeah it is.”
Chance: “Hayi ndoda. I have 2 rules for you.” I nodded “Rule #1 Never get
caught.” He showed me his second finger “And Rule #2 refer to Rule #1.”
Me: “Hawu come on mfethu that scumbag was just trying his luck man.”
Hlanga: “Tell him The Golden Rule ntwana.” He was laughing.
Chance: “Never leave evidence. That scumbag was suppose to die.” They were
laughing at me now. “I blame you Hlangalezwe. You were suppose to teach him
that.”
Hlanga: “I was a law abiding citizen so I had to live like one.”
Chance: “Fair enough. Its nice to me you Grootboom.” I nodded. He was eating
the chicken now “Hlangalezwe get me a beer.” He stood up and went to the
fridge and came back with 3. We were just about done with the ones we had. “So
you want in huh?”
Me: “Yeah I do.”
Chance: “Okay. You have a day job?”
Me: “Yeah the same one as Hlanga.”
Chance: “Okay. Can I trust you? I know I can trust leslima (idiot) but wena (you)?”
Hlanga: “I can vouch for him. He is good people. I have fought along side him and
he has always had my back. So if I am unavailable Nqobani is your man.”
Chance: “Okay than. Nathan is coming to town next week to discuss our whole
merger. So its best Nqobani be there as well.”
Hlanga: “Okay.” he drank his beer "I even forgot that you had news for me. But
we’ll talk when Thuba leaves.”
Chance: “Hayi kahlen seniyahleba yin (are you gossips)?” we laughed.
Me: “No its cool. I mean the guy knows about my arrest.” I took a sip of my beer.
“So I have decided to support Mimi through out her pregnancy.”
Hlanga: “What!! You do know that its not yours right?” he had been telling me
that.
Me: “But there is a chance that it is. So yeah I am taking the chance.”
Hlanga: “I have a feeling that its not but do what you gotta do my guy.” I nodded
“Just save room for disappointment.”
Me: “Of course.” We carried on drinking and me getting to know Thuba. It was
really chilled. This Thuba person reminded me so much of Bab’ Mdluli, he had this
aura around him that you don’t want to mess with him. As much as Bab’ Mdluli
was a great father to us but people around the area feared him and he was very
intimidating.
Hlanga: “Some of us are married so I have to leave you guys now.”
Chance: “Manje thina singenaphi lapho?(Where do we fit in?) And you are not the
only one with a wife.”
Me: “You seem to forget that she is our wife.” We all laughed
Hlanga: “Nobabili niyangijwayela nje.(You both annoy me)” We were still laughing
“And my wife is the only one that matters. I am out guys otherwise I might lose
my wife to that idiot.”
Me: “What is his deal vele? Do you trust him?”
Hlanga: “Obviously I don’t but Thingo and I had a fight about it and it was a big
thing. So I had to be okay with it before she felt like I am controlling.”
Chance: “Dude you are controlling.” We all knew that.
Hlanga: “I know, that’s why I cant be in the same room as him and Thingo because
I will notice everything and probably move Thingo to some small village were
there aren’t any men.” Chance and I laughed. He was really annoyed by this guy.
Me: “Now you are just being possessive.”
Hlanga: “When it comes to Thingo lwam, I am all those things and more.” He
really loved her “I am out fellas.” He took his car keys and left.
Chance: “I should leave as well.”
Me: “Sure. I guess ill see you next week.”
Chance: “Sharp.” He left and I was left with my own thoughts again.

»13«
PART 2
AZANDE
The problem with working overtime is you become a walking zombie but I needed
the extra cash. I worked day and night shifts, I had practically moved in at work.
As I was signing charts, Claire my boss came to my desk.
Claire: "Tasha I know you need the money but you need rest so this week you'll
be working the normal day shift and you start the day after tomorrow." I wanted
to fight her but she was right I have been overworking myself.
Me: "Okay, thanks Claire. This will give me time to deal with the mess in my flat."
We laughed. I have been avoiding it for a while actually.
Claire: "Okay. I'll see you end of shift." She left and I went back to my work.
Morning came and I knocked off and drove straight home. I lived in a one
bedroom flat. It wasn't big but it was enough for me. I made a cup of coffee and
cleaned and later did my washing. Midday I was done and I packed my bags and
got ready to go home. I hadn't been there in over two months, I was going to rest
when I got there. I am originally from Ladysmith KZN, I moved to the city because
of school and I ended up building my life there.
Mama: "Hawu ntomb yam, why didn't you say you are coming."
Me: "Than it would've ruined the surprise mama. Ninjany." We smiled at each
other.
Mama: "Siyaphila. We are so happy to see you." It wasn't always about money.
She's my mother and she made me feel special.
Me: "I missed you guys too." I really did like I said it had been home in a while. I
needed the home feel and my mama's advice.
Sonke: "Sisi." She ran to hug me and Lethu wasn't far behind. Sphe wasn't going
to, she was in high school now and that somehow made her old and cool
Me: "Hey nanaz." I hugged Lethu as well. He was such a quiet boy and his name
was Lethukuthula.
Sphe: "Sisi Zande kune camp eskoleni(There's a camp at school) and I want to go."
Mama: "You didn't even greet Sphesihle."
Me: "I am also shocked."
Sphe: "Ngyaxolisa sisi (I am sorry). Sawubona sisi." She was developing an
attitude.
Me: "Hey Sphe. Let's go out for supper and you'll tell me about this camp." She
smiled, she liked things and the younger ones jumped when I said we are going
out because they knew it was Spur. I looked at mama "You haven't cooked right?"
Mama: "Ngoba ungena nje bengith ngyaqala (I was about to start)."
Me: "Let me go freshen up then we'll go so we can come back because I know you
haven't done your homework." They all had guilty faces. "Sphe there's no camp if
you aren't doing the one thing you meant to do which is to study." I was a strict
older sister, they knew that. I only entertained their wants when they behaved
and passed at school.
Mama: "Tell her. I don't see the need for that camp anyway." My aunt doesn't
care with their wants and that's how I grew up. If my needs were covered, she
didn't bother.
Sphe: "Hawu mama!" I left them and I took a quick shower and wore a simple
dress and a cardigan and we left. I drove a Toyota Fortuner, I was a big girl and a
big car made sense. We got to Spur, Lethu and Sonke ran to the jungle gym while
the waitress took our orders. Sphe was on her phone this whole time.
Mama: "You look exhausted Azande, are sleeping?"
Me: "I was working the night shift and I drove here after."
Mama: "Maybe we should make it take aways so you can rest."
Me: "We are already here mama, let the kids enjoy."
Mama: "You spoil these kids man Azande ngeke. iPapa namasi was fine." Sphe
and I laughed. Mama was so old fashioned though. Our food came and we ate
and later went back home and I died on that bed. The following morning the kids
got ready for school and their transport came to fetch them and mama and I went
to the shopping centre. I bought a few things for Lethu and Sonke, I was going to
give Sphe money since she was old.
Me: "Mama I won't be here on Mother's day so its best that I give you your gift
now." I handed her a 2 gift cards from Truworths and Edgars. My aunt sacrificed a
lot at raising me, so taking care of her wasn't a burden at all.
Mama: "You have already done so much. You also need to take care of yourself."
Me: "I am taking care of myself and you. Mama please take it and spoil yourself,
you deserve it." She smiled and hugged me. We weren't huggers at home but I
guess that moment we were.
Mama: "Ngyabonga Azande."
Me: "Its my pleasure. I will leave you to your shopping while I do something else."
Mama: "Okay. Thank you again." she was still smiling. She looked so much like my
mother. She was the the younger sister and they were really close. While I was
checking out makeup and other things at Clicks, one thing about me is, I was a
liker of things. Anything that made me look beautiful, count me in from makeup
to hair to clothes. As I was busy looking, I wasn't prepared for that scene. I was in
a good mood, mama was smiling and that gave me joy. The kids were also going
to be happy about the clothes and then this
Thaphelo: "Zande." he faked a smile. Yes my ex-boyfriend and he was with his
heavily pregnant baby mama. "You look good."
Me: "Thapelo. Hlengi." I said with a blank face. "Thank you I guess."
Hlengi: "Baby can you please fetch us a trolley, this baby is making it hard for me
to move." She placed her hands on the baby bump and brushed it slowly. Its like
she was proving a point because she was smiling. I have to say whatever she was
doing because was working because I found myself getting jealous.
Thaphelo: "Sure." Why was I still standing there? I also don't know.
Hlengi: "I guess I won huh?" I laughed and it wasn't a happy one.
Me: "Whatever you won, congratulations because the last time I checked a baby
wasn't a ring." That's what I was waiting for. I walked away with so much
confidence. Who does she think she is? Thapelo had been cheating on me with
Hlengiwe for a year and half apparently but I only found out when Hlengiwe
approached me and told me about their affair. I guess she got tired of being the
other woman so she decided to elevate herself to Main status because now she's
pregnant. I went to find mama
Mama: "Wooh. There is so many things to choose from Zande." She was so happy
and that's all I wanted for her.
Me: "Are you happy with your choices?"
Mama: "Yes. Thank you Azande."
Me: "You are welcome. Lets go buy groceries and head home." We did just that
and we left. I cooked lunch and the kids came back from school. Lethu and Sonke
were happy about their clothes and Sphe was also happy about the R500 I gave
her. She's saving it for the camp, which was a wise choice. Maybe it was time I
instilled saving in their heads. Mama also showed us the dresses she was going to
wear at church. Everyone was so happy and I was content, I spent the rest of the
night and next morning I drove back to the city and it was back to my lonely life
again.
=====
Bongi: "They way you've been overworking yourself tsala, you even have bags
under your eyes."
Sanda: "We even had to force a sleepover hayi man Azande what's going on and
don't tell me its money because you are not broke." Sisanda was my half sister,
we shared a father so she was a Jele as well. We are really close, she's also my
best friend. She didn't understand my problems though, yes I wasn't broke but
things could improve with hard work.
Me: "I honestly don't know guys, I am just so drained and work is the only thing
that keeps me going and its the only thing that hasn't disappointed me in a
while."
Bongi: "Is it still about the date with Mandla." I think to some degree it was.
Me: "Maybe tsala, I don't know. How many guys think like him, who believe that
slim is everything?" They looked at me with so much pity "And after seeing Hlengi
and her baby bump, I admit I was a bit jealous. It could have been me. Thapelo
and I were going places."
Sanda: "Cha! Cha! You and Thaphelo had been over a year and half Zande."
Bongi: "Sisanda uqinisile tsala (Is right friend). He had a double life and that is a
sign of an unreliable man."
Sanda: "Big sis you are an amazing woman and the right guy will find you. Be
patient."
Me: "Guys I am turning 31 years next month. It cant just be my career that is
going well in my life."
Sanda: "That's the problem with you Zande, you want things to happen at your
time."
Bongi: "And life isn't like that. And relationships aren't everything even when
they're stable." They were right, I was impatient and I wanted things to happen
on my terms, it was just hard accepting it.
THINGO
I have never pictured my life turning this way but I am glad it did. I am happier
now, I feel things have fallen into place. My thoughts were disturbed by my
husband's call
Me: "Hey baby." Yeah that's me petnames and all.
Hlanga: "I miss you nkosazane." He'd been gone for over a week.
Me: "I miss you too. When are you coming back?" I really did miss him but I had
finally accepted that we were in a long distance marriage.
Hlanga: "Tomorrow. How was your test?" I had a test the previous day.
Me: "Yoooh baby I aced it! My hand was just sliding on that paper." We laughed.
Hlanga: "That's good. You studied really hard for it. I am proud of you Thingo
lwam." He always says this and I felt I haven't done much to make him proud.
Me: "Thank you. Thank you for supporting me and caring Hlanga." He was
amazing.
Hlanga: "I love you and that comes with care and me supporting your dreams."
Me: "I care and support you as well Nyambose."
Hlanga: "I know baby and I love you even more for that." And we sat in a peaceful
silence. "I'll see you tomorrow Mrs Mthethwa." Wow! This was all weird
Me: "I cant wait Mr Mthethwa." We laughed. We were married, who knew? We
hung up and I got ready for my lunch date with Nolwazi and Cebo. Being in Joburg
felt great man, I had people who generally cared about me and I didn't even need
to prove myself.
Nolwazi: "Thank you for agreeing to joining us."
Cebo: "I need a spa treatment. Sihle is showing me flames, I even smell of baby
milk" she was even smelling herself, we laughed, she was dramatic.
Me: "You smell fine." We got to the spa.
Nolwazi: "We want the group package right?" I honestly didn't know why we were
there. I had never been to a spa before.
Cebo: "Yeah it makes sense." They led us to changing rooms and we got in our
gowns and we got pampered. From facial to foot massages and all those oils and
creams and there was champagne as well. It was like in the movies. I was loving
that life. After the treatment we went shopping
Cebo: "Haibo Thingo aren't you going to buy as well. You are the married one."
We were at the Victoria's secret shop and she was buying underwear.
Nolwazi: "Hlanga will love you in this one." It was g-string
Me: "This is basically a string Nolwazi." I was a bit traumatized, wasn't it going to
cut me.
Cebo: "Trust me that string will save you from a lot of this things." We laughed "I
kinda feel that's how Sihle was conceived." We laughed again. I hadn't gotten to
think what Hlanga likes about me besides kissing me. Maybe it was I explore and I
was willing to try anything hay
Me: "What do you think of this one?" It was a one piece lace thing. It was all new
to me.
Nolwazi: "Go with the red." And we carried on buying and voting and I came out
with 3 bags, I was bit ashamed but I was told me to spend the money. Finally
food, we went to JB's Corner
Cebo: "So Tumisang proposed 2 months ago."
Nolwazi: "What? And you have been just sitting nje with such news."
Me: "Did you say yes?" I asked excited
Cebo: "I only said yes last night."
Me: "Congratulations."
Nolwazi: "Nqobani wont like this one bit."
Cebo: "I know, I think its why I hesitated. But I love him and he's serious about his
proposal." I was just sitting there listening.
Me: "Do whatever feels right for you."
Nolwazi: "The new makoti would know." We laughed, she was extra "But she's
right. If you are happy that's all that matters."
Cebo: "I am. I'd really like us to be a proper family."
Voice: "Sorry." We all turned, we were busy conversing and he came out of
nowhere
Nolwazi: "Excuse me." She was already on her bitch mode. It didn't take much to
tick Nolwazi off because she hated people in general. She was really picky with
her circle, call me lucky I guess.
Guy: "Sorry. Are you perhaps related to Mbusiwezwe." I shook my head, who the
fuck was that? He was gayish even the way he was dressed and he had those
funky hairstyle. Next thing a girl comes and they seemed drunk and too happy.
Girl: "Omg!! You look so much like him. Where are you from?"
Me: "Tongaat KZN."
Guy: "Are you sure you not a his sister?"
Me: "No. Sorry"
Nolwazi: "And she said she doesn't know him now leave!" And the poor snobs
scurried back to their table. "Nxa!"
Me: "Wena uzofa(you will die) busy getting worked up on everything even
unnecessary things. I looked familiar to someone they know, its not a big deal."
Nolwazi: "They didn't have to be rude about it."
Cebo: "Mxm!" We carried on enjoying the food and the company was great as
well and we later parted ways. I took a nap when I got home and woke up later to
hit the books. I was focused person just like back in high school. When I look at
how far I have come, I can't help wish my mother was around to see the woman I
was becoming. I was a wife and I was still focused like the way she begged me to
in her last moments. A big part of me cant help but feel she'd be proud. And
Menzi decided to call, the guy didn't rest hay and I let it ring unanswered, we had
nothing to talk about I felt. I carried on studying and I hadn't spoken to my
mother-in-law in a while. When I was done with my makoti duties her only
request was for me and Hlanga not be strangers. So I called very often to check up
on them.
MiL: "Siphosethu. Niyaphila yini lapho?"(Are you good?)
Me: "Siyaphila ma, bengith angichecke impilo."(I was checking up on you.)
MiL: "We are good but we miss you guys. You must visit home don't let your
husband influence you." I laughed "I am serious, its like we mistreat him or
something."
Me: "I'll talk to him."
MiL: "Okay. Are you studying? I am already thinking of an outfit for your
graduation and Mpilonhle's" I laughed it hasn't been that long and she joined me
with laughter
Me: "Yebo ma I am studying very hard."
MiL: "That's good. Make us proud, I want to brag to everyone about my smart
makoti." I laughed this woman though, she was always looking to share happy
news with someone "Your father just entered let me deal with him."
Me: "Okay. Send my regards to him and Banele."
MiL: "Okay I will. Take care" And we hung up. It didn't take much for Hlanga's
mother to treat me like a daughter even when I was staying with them, I was one
of them. They were a good family shem.
======
Menzi: "Tee come on. You've been ignoring my calls and I fail to understand why."
He was becoming a pain now.
Me: "You always call at weird hours Menzi. What do you want?"
Menzi: "I want us to hang out."
Me: "I am not interested and you are wasting my time. I have to get home and
cook, my husband is coming back home today." Its like I bored him to death at the
mention of Hlanga. I made my way to the car
Menzi: "You drive now? Are sure you not being blessed?"
Me: "Mxm!"
Menzi: "It just that I find it weird that I leave home for 2 years and suddenly you
are married, with no ring and not forgetting the drastic change in appearance."
Me: "My life is not for you to worry about. Menzi we were never friends and this
conversation just proved that we'll never be. I don't need people like you in my
life. Please stop calling me." I opened my car, I got in and drove away. I went to
pick n pay for fresh vegetables and study snacks. I had already marinated ribs at
home. I wanted him to come back to a home cooked meal. Things had to be
different from when he was a bachelor. I got home and I got down to cooking. I
put the ribs on the grill, I roasted the vegetable and I made pap with gravy
Hlanga: "Baby!!" He was home, my heart danced a little.
Me: "Kitchen!!" He was already standing at the door frame. We looked at each
other and just smiled.
Hlanga: "Come here." His arms were already open for a hug. I went in and its was
a very tight and emotional hug followed by a kiss on my forehead. I wanted to
taste his lips and I baby kissed him
Me: "I am really glad you are back."
Hlanga: "Me too. I missed you and your cooking."
Me: "You missed me most right?" I gave him a questioning look and he laughed at
me.
Hlanga: "Baby don't compare yourself to food because I can eat you both." He
was still laughing.
Me: "Hlanga!" He was such a perv
Hlanga: "I am not joking. Should I go shower first or later."
Me: "I am almost done cooking."
Hlanga: "I'll wait for you on the couch." After a while I dished up and I served him
his food. We had an everyday conversation about his flight and my day on
campus, leaving out the Menzi topic of course. Hlanga was too involved in my life,
he wanted to know everything I did.
Hlanga: "You are glowing." I giggled
Me: "I went for spa treatment with Lwazi and Cebo yesterday."
Hlanga: "I saw your pictures. I don't understand the whole concept of spa
treatments."
Me: "Its so therapeutic baby. Those oils work wonders. We should go, there's a
couple's option as well."
Hlanga: "So we are a couple?" He had a smirk on his face. I regretted suggesting it.
Me: "This was a bad idea." I stood up, took our plates to the kitchen and I started
cleaning.
Hlanga: "So us being a couple is a bad idea, is that what you saying?" He was
smiling
Me: "No." I said looking away, I couldn't help but smile as well. He made his way
to me in that tiny kitchen and he stood behind me
Hlanga: "So tell me what is a good idea Mrs Mthethwa?" He asked while he kissed
my neck. I just stood there and took whatever he was doing because I liked it very
much. Next thing he nibble my ear while his hand brushed my ass. Hlanga was a
boob and ass man, whenever we kiss or cuddle his both his hands are on my boob
or ass. "Are you going to tell me or?" He spoke in my ear. I just turned and kissed
the hell out of him.
Me: "Us being a couple is a good idea." That's what he wanted me to say and he
chuckled
Hlanga: "I think so too but no pressure mama." I nodded "Go back to your dishes."
I had even forgotten about those.
Me: "You are such a distraction Hlanga." We laughed
Hlanga: "There are so many ways to distract you, you haven't seen anything yet."
He shouted while going to our room. I just laughed. I was happy and content.
Things were weird between us like the love was obvious but we didn't address it.
We had a lot of issues, that's one thing I took from this set up. I mean I was a
victim of abuse and heaven only knows what he was going through. Slowly but
surely we were making it work, at our own pace.
»13«
PART 3
HLANGA
Me: "What do you have for me?"
Chance: "The boy is clean Hlanga. Only been arrested for drunken driving." He
handed me his file. "I don't blame you for being paranoid." He chuckled. I asked
him to do a background check on Thingo's friend, Bheka. I had major trust issues
when it came to people who got close to people I care about.
Me: "Thanks man, at least I know what I am dealing with."
Chance: "mmm. Dimpho said to invite you and Thingo for dinner." Dimpho is his
wife and they have a 7 year old daughter Lulu. And dinner was a bad idea.
Me: "Dinner is a bad idea Thuba. I haven't necessarily been upfront with
Siphosethu about certain things. And wena you just scream gangster with your
tattoos" we laughed. Chance was an intimidating man, that's the first impression
you get, fear. We carried on talking about the merger and other things and I later
went home. Working for the UN gave me free time until I disappeared for weeks
again. Thingo wasn't back yet, it was best to cook for us. I wasn't totally useless
hay plus I wanted to do something nice for her. I really liked having her around, I
don't regret my decision of marrying her.
Thingo: "Hlangalezwe!!!" She shouted.
Me: "Yini?" I ran to the door a bit panicked. She was with Bheka. This was my life
now "Mntungwa."
Bheka: "Nyambose." And there wasn't any handshake or smile from either of us.
Thingo: "Anywho. Baby the presentation went so well." She was so happy "I was
there stating my case like Annelise Keating hehe baby I am going to make a great
lawyer thula bheke wena.(You watch.)" Her confidence was so attractive. What I
was learning about my wife was that she was open-minded. She opened up
herself to new things and growth. It was a good quality to have but to Hlanga it
may be a problem because I hated change, and then came the word compromise,
ulife utricky. I laughed at her.
Me: "I am happy to hear that. Should we go out to celebrate?"
Thingo: "Yes please. Are you game ntwana?"
Bheka: "Sure."
Me: "Okay I am calling everyone to celebrate this victory. Bheka please tell me
you took a video of my wife being great."
Thingo: "Of course he had to, baby you have to see me." The excitement in her
voice. She gave me her phone and I saw the videos. Thingo was sure of herself
and she knew what she wanted. I think that's what attracted me most about her.
Me: "I cooked."
Thingo: "Oh really. Thank a million times Nyambose. I will go dish up for us." She
came to kiss me and left me with her friend.
Me: "I guess I should accept that you are not going anywhere."
Bheka: "You make it sound like I am a cockroach." Maybe he was "I respect the
fact that she's married and Thingo is the only true friend I have in Jozi. So its
either you work with me at taking care of her or be yourself." He stood up "I am
going for a smoke." He left. He left me with my thoughts. Maybe I was being extra
but my guard wasn't going to be down, ever!
Thingo: "Hawu uphi uMan-B?"
Me: "He went to smoke."
Thingo: "Oh. Here's your food, should I bring you beer?"
Me: "Please." She went to the fridge and handed me castle lite and placed
Bheka's on the table. He came back and she gave him his food. "Nqobani and
Lonhle are on their way."
Thingo: "Okay. Where are we going?"
Me: "ClubSenses" that was the name of our club, it was an irony type of name.
Bheka: "Tee. My flatmate lost his keys and he needs me to open for him."
Thingo: "Oh okay. I guess I'll see you on Monday in class."
Bheka: "No I'll join you guys later at the club."
Thingo: "Perfect." He took his things
Bheka: "Nyambose, think about what I said." Me: "Sure." He left.
Thingo: "I am happy that you two are getting along. Bheka is such a great person
overprotective but he's great." Maybe I should give the guy a chance
Me: "You trust him and I trust your judgement."
Thingo: "Thank you. I'll go freshen up." She kissed my cheek
Me: "Baby come on." She laughed at me and we kissed the lips and I deepened it
until she was on my lap. "I love you know that?"
Thingo: "Yes." Will she ever say she loves me back?
Me: "I like what we have here but things have to move forward at some point."
Thingo: "I know, we have to grow and evolve as a couple. Hlanga I like what's
going on here too. I am still new at all of this. You are my first in basically
everything." I couldn't help but smile. She was too innocent and precious to me
Me: "I take pride in being your first." She blushed and I laughed "Damn it! You are
too beautiful Thingo." She giggled
Thingo: "Thank you."
Me: "Maybe I should just keep you in the house and varsity will come to you." She
laughed and I wasn't joking "Anyway my point of the conversation was that we
have to think of commitment."
Thingo: "I am also preparing myself for it so we'll get there."
Me: "Okay. Let's go freshen up." We stood up and we went to the room. There
are certain things you take control over and then there are things you just let play
themselves out. My relationship with Thingo was something I needed to let it play
itself out because nothing about our set up was normal.
Lonhle: "So what are we celebrating?"
Thingo: "My first case." She was only a first year but my wife has a case now I'll
shut up.
Lonhle: "Hayi Siphosethu wenza zona nje(Do you know what you doing)?" We
laughed
Thingo: "Baby show ubafo the vidoes." We laughed, Thingo was something else.
This other side to her, I was loving it very much. We sat and spoke and laughed
and we later went back home.
NATHAN
Me: "Bottom line is Mr Mayor you took a bribe and there is evidence leading back
to you.
Mr Mayor: "I am aware of that Mr Pierce, now I am saying fix it for me. Nathan
you my only hope, I cant lose my mayorship."
Me: "I am not a political fixer man Sipho!"
Mr Mayor: "I know that but I know you can do it and not leave evidence."
Me: "Fine. You owe me."
Mayor: "Of course." We shook hands
Me: "Now leave my office." He left and I went to the operations room. All the
trucks seemed to be moving like we wanted. I decided to call Ndu, we had to talk
about the merger.
Me: "Where the fuck are?"
Ndu: "Your house like we planned."
Me: "Oh shit!! I am coming." The mayor made me forget my plans. I went past
Ntandokazi's shop because they served great chicken
Ntandokazi: "Nathan." She smiled. This woman was always happy.
Me: "How are you doing?"
Ntandokazi: "I am great. Why didn't you call we would've prepared your chicken
sooner."
Me: "I am getting predictable now, am I?" She nodded smiling but for my line of
work it wasn't good "Its fine, I'll wait." She took my order and we spoke about the
usual life, work
Ntandokazi: "You should come over for lunch tomorrow."
Me: "Will you be serving chicken?" She laughed and I joined her.
Ntandokazi: "Yes and your favourite malva pudding." That had my stomach
growling.
Me: "Perfect, count me in."
Ntandokazi: "Great. One last think I want to offer the girls and women at the
shelter self-defense classes. Since you are a qualified trainer please do it for me."
Me: "Okay but as time goes by I'll be very busy. So I'll get you someone else."
Ntandokazi: "That's great. Thank you so much Nathan and don't worry about the
bill its on me."
Nathan: "I'll see you tomorrow then." We hugged and I left. Funny how she was
only 3 years older than me but she treated me like I was her son. I got home and
Ningi's car was parked on my driveway, I guess we'll call it Mabuza day.
Me: "What do you want Ningi?"
Ningi: "I thought we should do drinks and talk." But this wasn't a relationship.
Me: "I don't do drinks Ningi and we have nothing to talk about." She left
disappointed
Ndu: "How can you be so reckless Nathan. Sipho Mabuza is not a man you want
to cross. He has power, legal power." He was right, the mayor could easily expose
me.
Me: "I know. It was meant to be a fun thing. She's a bored housewife man but
now I just learnt their are a problem."
Ndu: "Fix this."
Me: "Done!" That was a lie, Ndu was going to make a big deal out of things if he
didn't get his way. We spoke about business and what was coming ahead. We
spent hours strategizing and he later left and I called Ningi back and she's always
available. Her marriage was on the rocks.
Ningi: "I thought you lost interest in me."
Me: "Mmm." We got down to business. Things escalated quick. After our intense
session, we slept. The next day I woke up and I went to my gym and I went crazy
on the punching bag and weights with the music on full blast, qgom music to be
exact. That was what my life was all about sex, gym and business. The old men
were right, I needed something stable, someone to depend on and visa versa.
Ningi: "I knew I'll find you here." Why was she still here?
Me: "Why, were you looking for me?" I took a towel from the rack.
Ningi: "Sipho is divorcing me." She said in a low tone
Me: "I am sorry to hear that." I didn't care, but I saw it coming
Ningi: "He's taking everything from me even the kids." She sat down and tears
rolled down her eyes. I felt sorry for her. Sipho Mabuza was a man who got his
way and it ended there.
Me: "I am really sorry to hear that. Look Ningi I like you, you and I have a great
vibe but that's all it is."
Ningi: "I know. Nathan you are incapable of love, you are just an emotionless
statue." I chuckled, it was a bit hush I felt.
Me: "I have feelings and emotions Ningi but when you do what I do, they tend to
be costly." She nodded in understanding.
Ningi: "I need your help Nathan" this was tricky because I actually worked for her
husband.
Me: "You want a divorce lawyer?"
Ningi: "A shark of a divorce lawyer."
Me: "Okay. I have someone in mind but he's not cheap."
Ningi: "He cant be a shark and be affordable."
Me: "I am really sorry about your marriage. I have go now."
Ningi: "Okay. I will be waiting on you."
Me: "Okay." I went to shower and I got in my sweat pants and hoody and
sneakers and I drove to the cemetery. I was visiting my grandmother's grave, I
always do on her birthday.
Me: "Ouma!! Dis ek (Granny its me)" I plugged out all the weeds and dirt around
her tombstone "Today you would've been 83 years old. You dying still feels like it
was just yesterday, the memories of our time together are still so vivid and its
been 30 years since you been gone Ouma. Besides Quinton and his friends, I have
no one and they seemed to be worried about that and the truth is I am worried
too." I sighed "I miss you and your advice."
Que: "I knew I'll find you here." I turned and he wasn't alone. Everyone came
even the wives
Mbali: "Come here." She opened her arms for a hug. "We are all here for you."
Mnqobi: "We got you." He was patting my back
Me: "I know and thank you." I felt loved and appreciated.
Ntandokazi: "I have all the chicken and malva pudding as your heart desires." We
laughed these people were great man.
Sthembi: "We'll leave you to say goodbye to Ouma and we'll meet at home."
Me: "Okay." They left "They're really great people ouma, you would've like them
very much. I really miss you and I love you." And I left her. And it was a big thing
from the food to drinks to those who drink. I looked at the men "You had this
planned out?"
Phelo: "Of course. This day is important to you and that means its important to
us."
Lungelo: "You are not our first born just by name you know."
Me: "I believe that." I looked at Ntandokazi "Mamazi feed me please." They
laughed
Ntandokazi: "Come this side first born." We all laughed. It was good cheers
everywhere and I felt better.
»14«
PART 1
NQOBANI
The mission to take Pablo down was done and things were intense but we
managed to get it done.
Hlanga: “Great job guys.”
Me: “It was close though.” We almost failed to execute but Hlanga being himself,
who was somewhat calm when all was going down. He managed to improvise and
save the mission. he really was the man for the job.
Russel: “To close for my liking.”
Nkosi: “You did well guys.” He watched everything from the screen he has no idea
how things get on the field
Hlanga: “Nothing goes smoothly where there are human beings so to me this
mission was a success.” We nodded “Lets wrap it up guys and we’ll meet
tomorrow at the headquarters. Lang wants to debrief you herself.”
Us: “Okay.” we packed everything we came with. Hlanga checked us out and we
went our separate ways. I was still having a bad day from the nightmare of my
dead father, that man won't let me rest nxa! So I just drank myself to death when
I got home but I wasn’t in the mood to be alone so Soweto was where I was
drowning my sorrows. I chilled with the family but Lwazi and Sne had exams so
they were studying while Cebo was up and down trying to break Sihle’s fever. I
was the doctor in the family but nothing about me proved that. Cut me some
slack I am used to combat injuries and a fever is just way outta my league.
Cebo: “Finally she is down.”
Me: “You should take her to the doctor tomorrow.”
Cebo: “We’ll see how she is in the morning.” I nodded “I have been meaning to
talk to you.”
Me: “Whats up?”
Cebo: “Tumisang proposed 2 months ago.” That caught me way off guard and it
caused my beer to go the wrong pipe. I coughed like a crazy person.
Me: “What? Please tell me you are not thinking about marrying that scumbag?”
Cebo: “Nqobani this is my life and I will live it the way I want to. He wants us to be
a proper family and I want that too.”
Me: “How? When the guy doesn’t even have a job.”
Cebo: “He is really trying Nqobani and he is Sihle’s father. I owe it to her to at
least try. I come from a broken family and its not what I want for my baby girl.”
Me: “Having both parents in the house doesn’t mean happy ending either. Trust
me I know.”
Cebo: “I don’t mean this in a bad way but not everyone is your father Nqobani.”
Wow!! She was willing to take things that far for this man. I had already lost her, I
couldn’t save her even if I tried.
Me: “Wow thanks.” She felt guilty “You are right Cebo its your life. But I have
learnt that when someone shows you who they are, believe them.” I looked at
her “He showed you what he is capable of on his worse days and trust me that is
your life forever.”
Cebo: “It was a mistake and he apologized for it. Now he is trying, its time I met
him halfway.”
Me: “Okay Cebolihle.” I carried on drinking.
Cebo: “Bhuti I am going to need your support.”
Me: “You don’t have it Cebolihle. That man is using you and you are just letting
him.” She seemed hurt “Tell me who is going to be taking care of things since he is
jobless? Who is taking care of Sihle right now?”
Cebo: “…” we all knew the answer. She was.
Me: “So how is he planning to pay for the wedding?”
Cebo: “He said he still has savings and money from his retrenchment.” Clearly
Cebo didn’t know how sly men are and hers was worse. I mean the guy got me
arrested just to get me out the way.
Me: “Okay. it looks like you have things figured out.”
Cebo: “I do.” I nodded “That’s why I needed your support and help to find my
mother.” Oh no!!
Me: “What??” I stood up and left her. If she was willing to find her birth mother, I
couldn’t change her mind. She followed me to my room “Cebolihle I have work in
the morning. Id like to sleep now.”
Cebo: “Nqobani come on.” I slammed the door to her face. I needed to be alone.
And Cebo wasn’t making things easy for me. I was slowly dosing off, I sent a text
checking up on Mimi and I retired on my bed.
======
After avoiding Cebo for a good week and doing a lot of evaluation, I was still at a
crossroad. I wanted her to be happy but it was my job to protect her and my gut
was telling me that this guy was bad news. Anyway that time wasn’t the time or
place to think of my family drama.
Chance: “Are you ready.” Hlanga and I nodded “Gents and you 3 ladies. These are
my business partners Hlangalezwe Mthethwa and Nqobani Mthimkhulu." And
than there was a few words being said by the men and women who stood in front
of us. “I have even better news for. We are merging with a guy called Nathan
Peirce. He’ll be bringing some of his men and while some of you might have to
relocate to Durban.”
Guy: “Does this mean salary increment as well.” Everyone laughed
Hlanga: “Things are still like before guys. You get paid for every job you pull. With
this merger comes a lot of changes. Chance has forgotten to disclose that. Nathan
works differently from us so we are learning his ways while he is learning ours.
That’s why some of you will be staying here in jozi while some move to Durban for
a while.” I was just standing there and listening. I was Chance and Hlanga’s right-
hand man if you were to give my joining the crew a description, because these
two were like a married couple. They both wanted to dominate and control
everything but what made things interesting was the fact that they knew how
different they are from each other and they valued each others opinion.
Chance: “Yeah. Nathan will be here in an hour or two with his people for a proper
introduction. So for now do whatever.” They nodded and moved around the
warehouse.
Hlanga: “So when is the next job?”
Chance: “A Mozambican car dealer wants 10 Audi R8 and my guy at Audi said they
have a shipment of 5 coming in a month. But the problem is they are coming by
train from the harbor.
Hlanga: “Which harbor?”
Chance: “Richards bay.”
Me: “You cant let them get into that train. Hijacking a train is close to impossible.”
Chance: “I know. I don’t have any ideas. Richards Bay is an unfamiliar territory for
me.”
Me: “We we have a month to get familiar with it.”
Hlanga: “I will try to get my hands on the shipping manifest for the month. Where
is it coming from?”
Chance: “Germany I think.”
Me: “Okay so plan is for the next month we get familiar with Richards Bay. We
need a plan to steal those cars.”
Chance: “I will come up with one khululeka mfo (relax brother).”
Hlanga: “He is a mastermind. Give him time.” I nodded “Where are you going to
get the other 5?”
Chance: “I don’t know mfethu. Not that many people own R8 here in Jozi. The
ones that do it’s the old model. He wants the latest.”
Me: “Since Nathan is based in Durban, why don’t you ask him for help?”
Hlanga: “That is an idea yaz. Find a person in Durban who is willing to be your
inside man plus we have Nathan’s resources now so why not.”
Chance: “Could work” he nodded, I think he was thinking about it “I will see what
I can do.” We nodded. Nathan came in followed by a lot of guys. Black guys
mostly but there were coloureds as well. Crime was the new lifestyle clearly
because these men looked well off and proper just like Chance’s guys. Chance
made a call and a catering company came in with food while he opened his bakkie
for the guys to take out the drinks. It was a meet and greet basically. Chance’s
men and Nathan’s guys looked like they were getting along just fine. We were
having a private meeting at the office.
Nathan: “As you guys know I am way older than you.”
Hlanga: “6-7 years aint that bad. Come on.”
Nathan: “I guess but my point is I have a little more experience than you. I am not
saying this because I want to lead or anything but I want to tell you a story.” We
all sat comfortably “I was 12 when I got into this life. It wasn’t a choice obviously
but I had no options. I was a 12 year old boy in the Cape flats with a drunken dead
beat dad and a druggie for a mother. But I was raised by a very strong woman, my
grandmother. She was all I had and for her I would’ve done anything. I sold drugs
around the neighbourhood for one of the feared men in the Cape. The pay was
enough for my grandmother and I to eat but things got intense when she fell sick.
I had to do something so I started stealing from my boss so I can help my old lady.
I did it for a while until he caught me.”
Me: “What happened?”
Nathan: “Nothing. He told me not to do it again.”
Chance: “Why didn’t you just come clean and tell him your problem?”
Hlanga: “Yeah I am sure he would have helped you out.”
Nathan: “Not Romeo. He was heartless and ruthless. I was sure I was dead when
he found out I had been stealing from him. I carried on dealing for him until one
day he got caught by the police. He came to me and told me I will take the fall for
him. I must admit to everything that he was being charged for.”
Me: “What was he being charged for?”
Nathan: “Drug trafficking and assault. Mind you I have never even hit a soul in my
life. I was a loner between taking care of my grandmother and dealing for Romeo,
I didn’t have time for friends.”
Hlanga: “So how did you get out of those charges? Those were kinda big.”
Nathan: “I know. But He had the best lawyer who was able to find loopholes from
his arrest to my confession that he even threaten to sue the state.”
Me: “What? That’s insane.”
Nathan: “I am not lying. That man saved my life, I wasn’t going to survive prison. I
was only 15 years old. Anyway he took me and grandmother in, moved us to
Durban because that’s where he was from. He sent me back to school, I passed
high school with good marks even something I didn’t know I was capable of. But a
week after I got my result my grandmother passed away. She was all I had.”
Chance: “What happened after?” this was an interesting story, especially for me.
Nathan: “Quinton and his guys taught me all they knew about this life. Even
suggested I study further so I can be best of both worlds but school wasn’t my
thing.”
Me: “So what is the moral of the story?” there has to be one.
Nathan: “Oh yes. Quinton had 4 other friends. Those men had it all in life. Cars,
houses and later family. I wanted their life to be honest, I still do. I asked them to
give me their secret, on how they made everything work. I mean their wives
supported them even in this life, they never betrayed each other. Until the day
they handed me their operations they were still like how they were when I got
there.”
Chance: “How did they do it, because to be honest I have been skeptical about
things?”
Nathan: “There were no power struggles. They were all different and that meant
they bought something unique to the table. But what is different from us and
them is that they grew up together so to them it was more than just business,
they were family as well.” We nodded in understanding. I think we were all
thinking about how this merger was going to workout “Chance I am not here to
change things, I am here to branch out my tree.”
Chance: “A family tree?”
Nathan: “If you want to call it that. But your problems are my problems and visa
versa.”
Hlanga: “That sounds like family to me.”
Nathan: “Great than.”
Me: “So where are your mentors now?”
Nathan: “Retired and aging gracefully.”
Hlanga: “I think id like to meet the men that raise you be such a success in the
underworld.” We laughed at the way he said it.
Nathan: “Don’t worry you will. I sometimes consult with them when Ndumiso and
I are conflicted. Funny thing two of them are Ndumiso’s father-in-law.” He
laughed
Us: “What?”
Chance: “Two of them?”
Nathan: “Yeah they are twins.”
Hlanga: “Wow Ndumiso basically screwed the boss’s daughter?”
Nathan: “Still screwing!!” he laughed “They are married.” He was still laughing. I
must say this Nathan guy was so chilled for a gangster. After sometime a guy
came in.
Guy: “Are you guys done with your heart to heart? The guys want to know who is
staying and going. Plus we need to talk security.”
Hlanga: “Okay but we hadn’t decided who were are keeping here and what not.”
Me: “I never got your name my guy.”
Hlanga: “Oh my bad. This is thee Ndumiso Duma and Nqobani Mthimkhulu is a
good friend of mine.”
Ndumiso: “Nice to meet you Grootboom.” Nothing bores me than the direct
translation of my surname.
Nathan: “I think its best to find out who is willing to relocate first and than we’ll
take it from there. But we have to balance the numbers.”
Ndu: “Okay whatever you decide. I am staying in Durban. My family is there so
yeah.”
Nathan: “Whatever dude. This aint about you.” He stood up and left.
Chance: “Awu kahle we ndoda isbindi (Where do you get the courage) of screwing
your boss’s daughter usithathaphi? Is my daughter even safe around you?” we
laughed, I wasn’t expecting that.
Ndu: “Nathan told you huh?” we nodded. “Well he is dead.” We were still
laughing “I love my wife guys, as stubborn as she is. And you are not my boss
Chancellor.” He said smilling. I think I believed him, that he loved his wife.
Hlanga: “Weren't you scared?”
Ndu: “For uMusomuhle, that’s her name by the way, I would’ve done anything. I
used to wash her father’s cars every Saturday. She bought me ice cold water on
hot summer days and coffee on winter days.” this guy was happy and in love.
Chance: “If you washed cars, how did you end up working with Nathan?”
Ndu: “I tried to hijack Qophelo, who is Omuhle’s dad car at the mall.” We where
shook and he nodded “Best believe. Instead he gave me R1000 and his card and
told me to call him the next day. I did, we met up and showed him where I live.
And it was a bad deal my sisters and I were struggling. He fixed our home and told
Nathan to mentor me. The washing of the cars was him humbling me because he
told me I was full of it.” These men sound more and more like Bab’ Mdluli
Me: “Your stories with Nathan sound more or less the same.”
Ndu: “They do, don’t they?
Hlanga: “So how did they accept you? I mean I don’t have a daughter but if I had
one I wouldn’t accept it or understand.”
Ndu: “Omuhle’s mother. That woman is something else. The twins are two
different people. They are identical but different. Mnqobi is a chilled and funny
guy where as Qophelo is just cold. I am still scared of the guy. Qophelo is ruthless
if you were to compare the big 5 but when it comes to his wife, he is like a sick
puppy. He does whatever she says and she put him in place. After he beat me to
death of course.”
Me: “Wasn’t it easy to just let things not get complicated because I am sure he
never trusted you again.”
Ndu: “Clearly you have never been weak at the hands of a woman. We’ll have this
conversation when you decide to grow up and stop screwing around. There is
nothing sad than a man who thinks love is not worth it.” He looked at me straight
in the eyes “I really hope you find someone to save you from yourself. Otherwise
your journey leads to a hopeless place.” I was a bit touched. “Love can save you
from a lot of things my friend.” He stood up and left. Was he talking to me,
referring to me not giving Cebo and Tumisang my blessing? I needed to introspect
now.
Hlanga: “Lets go talk business guys.” We talked business indeed. The men infront
of really knew what they were doing and I guess I had to learn as things went on.
They were talking in code and the guys understood, I was really in the dark but my
head was also not there especially after our conversation with Ndu. Chance told
them about the next job and idea started flowing and those code names again.
Hlanga: “Looks like we have a plan than.”
Ndu: “I will call my guy” he had a guy for the other 5 R8 but we had to buy them
and Chance was okay with it since the Mozambican guy was going to pay him
handsomely
Chance: “Keep me posted than.”
Ndu: “I am out guys. I have a plain to catch.”
Nathan: Where are you going this time?”
Ndu: “New Zealand. Musa is there so I am taking the girls with me.” Nathan
nodded “I am taking the jet by the way.”
Nathan: “What? How am I suppose to conduct business Ndumiso? I have to be in
Durban tomorrow.”
Ndu: “Normal people book flights. They still work you know.”
Nathan: “Mxm!! Enjoy hockey.”
Ndu: “Uyabhora mjita. You are just jealous.” We were all confused “My wife is a
SA women’s hockey coach. They are on tour right now.”
Chance: “Really hockey?”
Ndu: “Its an interesting sport hay.”
Hlanga: “What is interesting with women running around with sticks.”
Ndu: “Okay I am leaving. Your negative energy might rub off on me.” He took is
back pack and left.
Nathan: “I am also out guys. We talk on the phones.” We shook hands and he left.
I was now left with Hlanga and Chance.
Hlanga: “Can I pick your brains for a second.” We nodded “I cant seem to shake
off what Ndu said about love and hopeless place.”
Me: “Me too. I haven't been fine ever since.” I sighed “Cebolihle wants to marry
that idiot. After what Ndu said I feel like I am holding her back, because I know
she wont marry him without my blessing. Now I have so many what ifs and what
nots. I don’t know man.”
Chance: “I may be married but my marriage aint pretty at the moment. So I am
not one to give love advice right now.”
Hlanga: “I don’t trust Tumisang Nqobani. There is just something about that guy.
But for Cebo’s happiness you have to give them your blessing and just be on
standby.” He was making sense.
Me: “I know nothing about love. Ndu was right.”
Hlanga: “I think I need to stop screwing around and maybe try with Thingo.”
Me: “So you went against your better judgement and actually lived the life you
are used too?” he nodded. “I was hoping you wouldn’t hay. The truth is though
your life is not the same anymore Hlanga. You are married, fact! and Thingo is
going nowhere unless you change that, another fact! You fucking around is going
to hurt her whether you and her had an understanding or not because you told
her you love her. That changes everything even her expectations.” he was
thinking about what I was saying.
Chance: “I am not sure if you are stupid or crazy but what I want to know is, if you
are not making it work with Thingo then what the fuck are you doing?” good
question.
Me: “Id also like to know what your end game is? Because if Thingo were to find
out who you really are, I don’t think she’ll stay and you know it. This is a shem of a
marriage.” I stood up and took my phone and car keys. I was getting annoyed
“You might love her but what you did was selfish, making her think you were
saving her but no you just wanted something that resembled normalcy to your
brokenness.”
Chance: “Nqobani come on.”
Me: “Am I wrong Hlanga?”
Hlanga: “Chance leave him. He is right.” He was man enough to admit it, I am was
glad.
Me: “I am leaving. Keep me posted on the job.”
Hlanga: “Nqobani I am capable of changing. I will do better.”
Me: “I am taking your word for it.” I left them. I needed to talk to my sister. When
I got home it was Gog' Lilly and Sihle. Cebo had gone back to work, her maternity
leave was over. I chilled with Sihle who was growing up so much and he looked
more and more like Cebo each day. After sometime Sne came in from school. My
sister was in high school now and she was a snob.
Sne: “Hey Bhuti.”
Me: “Hey little one.” I opened my arms for a hug.
Sne: “You know I am not little anymore right?”
Me: “To me you will never grow. So tell me how is grade 8 treating you?”
Sne: “Nothing I cant handle. I am still getting my A. I would like to change schools
though bhuti.”
Me: “Hawu Sne whats wrong with the school you are in now?” she started crying.
My sister might have acted tough sometimes but she was a softie like my mother
“Talk to me nana.”
Sne: “I got into a fight with someone I thought was my friend because I didn’t
want to do what they wanted me to do.” I wiped her tears “Than she started
teasing me about my skin tone and said I was a foreigner.” My sister and I weren't
from the same parents but we took are mother's skin tone it was chocolate dark
but I still felt like she was a beautiful girl. “Bhuti she was so mean, I cant stay in
that school.” It than dawned on me that my sister was being bullied.
Me: “I am going to fix this, okay?” she nodded while I wiped her tears “I love you
MaMdluli.”
Sne: “I love you too.” We hugged.
Me: “Now what do you feel like doing?” I looked at her “I want to make you
happy again.” She giggled
Sne: “I want pizza, and a lot of junk food than we can watch a movie. That will
make me happy.”
Me: “Okay go change your uniform and we’ll go to the mall.” She came back
wearing denim on denim outfit. That look was inspired by Nolwazi. It was demin
jacket and a white top and jeans with boots “You look good.”
Sne: “Thank you. Lwazi bought it for me.”
Me: “Did you say thank you?”
Sne: “Of course. We can go now.” I took my keys and we left. And went to the
Mall of Africa. We bonded with my little sister. We watched whatever movie she
picked for us. I just wanted to her cheeky self back and she looked happy. “Bhuti I
want to go to boarding school.” I wasn’t ready for what she said to me. Yes I
wasn’t around a lot but having her far away from, I wasn’t ready for that.
Me: “Hayi Snenhanhla! Boarding school, yini are you not happy at home?”
Sne: “I am happy at home Bhuti. I thought since I was changing schools maybe I
should go to one.”
Me: “Why boarding school, if I may ask?”
Sne: “I don’t know, maybe they will treat me better there than my current
school.” I saw what the problem was. She just wanted to be far away from her
school.
Me: “Is there a specific boarding school you were thinking of?”
Sne: “Yeah there was one I liked in Bloemfontein. It’s a girls’ school and their
matric marks are good too.”
Me: “Haibo Snenhlanhla Bloemfontein is far.”
Sne: “Bhuti I know but I want to go.”
Me: “Why not pick a school here in Johannesburg or Pretoria.”
Sne: “We can look as well. But I really liked that one ”
Me: “I will think about it.”
Sne: “Thank you, thank you!” I just smiled. She really wanted to leave me. I loved
Cebo and Lwazi they were my sisters but Sne was my blood and the only person I
was left with who I was related to. Because somehow my father managed to
alienate everyone from our lives. It was just the 3 of us growing up. And as from
my mother’s side of the family, they disowned her the minute she married my
father. She never liked talking about it and I never pushed. I always felt she had
been through enough than for her to be unhappy for whatever reason. We drove
back home and we found Cebo and Nolwazi back from wherever.
Me: “Sne go do your homework and I am taking to school tomorrow.” I needed to
talk to the headmaster.
Sne: “Okay.” she left us
Me: “Nolwazi has Cebolihle told you about her decision to marry Sihle’s father?”
Lwazi: “Yeah she did. And the fact that she wants to do things the right way.”
Me: “Okay than. That means we are going to have to drive to KZN to find your
mother.”
Cebo: “Does this mean I have your blessing.”
Me: “I want to see you happy more than anything Cebolihle and if its Tumisang, I
guess you have my blessing.” She jumped up and came to hug me
Cebo: “Thank you so much Bhuti. This really means a lot to me.” She really looked
happy. My guard wasn’t down though. Hlanga was right, I must standby to catch
her if she fell.
Lwazi: “I don’t think I am ready to face that woman.” I thought she understood.
Cebo: “Nolwazi you have to forgive at some point.”
Lwazi: “I don’t know but if I have to I will face her.”
Me: “Don’t be hard on yourself Lwazi.” She nodded while she fought her tears.
Their mother put them through a lot in the hands of their stepfather. That man
used to beat them and he went as far as raping Cebo for 3 years with their
mother aware of everything. The night she tried his luck with Nolwazi, Cebo
fought him off and they ran away and became street kids for a year until Bab’
Mdluli found them. That man might have been doing bad things but he was a
good man. We sat and planned a trip to look for their mother. I didn’t know what
was ahead for us but for my siblings I was going to do anything. And there it was
Ndumiso’s words, I might have not crossed lines or did something crazy like
screwing with my boss's daughter. But for the love I had for my family it was clear
that I was willing to do anything.

»14«
PART 1
CONTINUED
AZANDE
Life was pretty much the same, I was still single and overworking myself but after
what Sanda and Bongi said I was slowly accepting that I don't control everything.
On other news, my 31 was coming up and I was planning a big thing, just to get
my spirits up and enjoy life.
Claire: "Natasha, a word in my office please." My mother was a liker of things,
why Natasha?
Me: "Okay." I left the nurses station and followed her to her office. And she
wasn't alone, our department head was with her and that wasn't good.
D.head: "Don't panic. I come in peace." I sighed in relief.
Claire: "We have good news for you Natasha." I nodded
D.head: "I have been recently been promoted to being head of the medical
center." How do I fit in all of this.
Claire: "I was asked to fill in for Mr Adams."
Me: "Okay." I was actually bored by this conversation.
Claire: "The center needs someone to fill my shoes and I nominated you." She said
smiling and that got my attention.
Me: "Sorry, what?"
D.head: "You showed tremendous dedication the past year and your patient care
is excellent. I also feel you the best candidate for this position."
Me: "Woah! Woah wait, you are making me Chief nurse?" They nodded with so
much enthusiasm
Me: "Omw!!! Thank you so much."
Claire: "Congratulations Tasha. You deserve it."
Me: "Unbelievable!!! Thank you once again."
Claire: "Well guess she's interested."
Me: "Of course I am interested." Were they kidding me, its q whole entire
promotion.
D.head: "The job comes with a big responsibility."
Claire: "But we know you can handle it."
Me: "Of course I can." I said with so much enthusiasm and that caused them to
laugh. This something big. I wasn't even expecting it, wow!!
D.head: "I will alert HR about the paper work."
Me: "Of course." He left Claire office and I just looked her. "I don't even know
what to say hay." It was by her recommendation that I got this promotion.
Claire: "You deserve it babe. Call it an early birthday present if you must."
Me: "Best birthday gift ever!" We laughed.
Claire: "Natasha you are dependable and great person to lead and you are good
with patients and you work well with the rest of the staff. Those are great
qualities for a leader."
Me: "Thank you for those kind words. I won't disappoint you, I promise."
Claire: "I know you wont."
Me: "Let me get back to work then."
Claire: "Of course." I left her office. I called mama that moment to tell her the
good news and mama being herself just prayed on the spot. And when mama
prays its forever.
Mama: "God is amazing Azande."
Me: "He really is mama. It came out of nowhere."
Mama: "God works in mysterious ways girl. You deserve this blessing Zande, don't
disappoint them. Keep working hard." Her words of encouragement are the ones
that got me this far.
Me: "I will do exactly that mama."
Mama: "I am really proud of you. Nomawethu would be too, you turned out
exactly like she wanted." I was so emotional at that point. After my mother died
things were really bad for my aunt and I because she was the sole breadwinner. I
was 16 when she died. And we survived with Sphe's grant money and the little
that her father gave my aunt.
Me: "Thank you mama." We kept quiet for a while "I have to get back to work
now. I will see you guys soon."
Mama: "Okay sisi. I'll keep praying for you."
Me: "Ngyabonga mama and your prayers work wonders I am living proof."
Mama: "I am glad. Bye sisi."
Me: "Bye." We hung up and I went back to work. All of this was still so surreal.
One thing I was sure of is that, when God shows up he really does show off. Never
in my life have I pictured my life turning this way for us at home but they did and
mama prayers were heard through me, she's always been a believer more than
me even when I was in varsity sometimes she'll call me just for us to pray.
=====
My birthday dinner came and my friends and I went all out. I had 2 other friends
other than Bongi which were Ziyanda and Hope. The baby blue and black while I
was in a black bodycon dress with a touch of gold. I look dashing. We booked a
table at Southern Sun hotel and we dined there.
Bongi: "Happy 31th birthday lovisto. And congrats Chief nurse." They all clapped
Me: "Thank you so much guys. It's seems as though 31 is looking up for me."
Hope: "It really is."
Ziyanda: "I think we should hit the club after this. We deserve one night of losing
our morals."
Sanda: "Haibo Yanda you have morals wena?" We laughed and my friend had
none. She was professional mistress. She only dated rich married men and they
took care of her financially.
Ziyanda: "haisuka man Sisanda I mean a night of fun." We were still laughing.
Me: "I'd really like that actually, nam ngishaye amavosho like other kids." We
laughed
Bongi: "I'll have to ask if Loyiso is okay with it but I am game." Loyiso was a bit
controlling
Hope: "If he's not?"
Bongi: "Then I am not going, it ends there." And my friend lets him.
Ziyanda: "Tell him and if hr says no give the phone to me." We laughed, what was
she going to do?
Bongi: "Mxm!" The wine was in most of my friends system and we were so loud.
Later the party went to a ClubSenses and indeed all morals were lost. Loyiso and
his friends came and were our security guards basically even Mandla to my
annoyance. I was to drunk to care though.
Man: "Sphalaphala!!! Dudlu ntombi!!" Please stop him. I turned and he was
ravashing. Tall, caramel with pinkish lips and a body to die for. "Happy birthday to
you. Happy birthday to you." He was singing, he appeared drunk. My friends and I
laughed, who was this man?
Ziyanda: "Okay hamba ke."
Man: "Next round is on me."
Us: "Wooo!!"
Hope: "Enkosi bhuti!" My friend goes full Xhosa on you when she's drunk.
Man: "Can I have a word with the birthday girl?" They all looked at me. The
bitches were selling me for free drinks.
Bongi: "Mthathe bhuti." I stood up and we went to a quieter place.
Man: "I'm Mxolisi Sibeko by the way."
Me: "Azande Jele."
Mxo: "You beautiful Azande."
Me: "Thank you. You not so bad yourself." All this time this man was licking his
lips in a sexy way and the drunk Zande wanted to go in for a kiss. He was so hot
man.
Mxo: "I try man." I nodded "before we let this get far, can I have your number?"
Me: "Of course." That night wasn't a night for hard to get. I was attracted to
Mxolisi and it ended there. He gave me his phone and I punched in my number
and he called me that moment.
Mxo: "Will it be too forward if I kissed you." Of course its forward. But Ziyanda
said it was a night for us to lose our morals so
Me: "Not at all." Drunk Zande said and Mxo didn't waste time and we kissed.
Maye!! Ukiss ohamba kancane, ngisho ukiss ovuthayo (breathtaking kiss). I was
really drunk guys. We eventually caught our breath
Mxo: "You are a good kisser Azande Jele. Let's go back before we worry your
friends."
Me: "Okay."
Mxo: "Before we go back, can I take you out for lunch tomorrow."
Me: "I don't mind."
Mxo: "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow." We hugged and kissed again and we went
back. I got to my friends and the bitches screamed.
Sanda: "Stop smiling haibo!" We laughed, I couldn't help it.
Hope: "Iscoop phela!" I couldn't stop laughing.
Bongi: "Loy said we should leave. So please share fast."
Me: "Like really, why is Loy a party pooper?" I rolled my eyes "Anyway we kissed
and it was amazing!!!" We screamed and Ziyanda even danced "And he's taking
me out for lunch ksasa."
Sanda: "Dudlu ntombi!!!" My friends were crazy. We carried on drinking and
drinks kept on coming from Mxolisi of course but Bongi was long gone. In the
early hours of the morning we took a cab to my place with our heels in our hands
and we couldn't even walk straight.
====
Things were looking great for Mxolisi and I. He was such a romantic. He was a
roses and chocolate guy, random phone calls and constant texting. He was 33
years old and worked as a police detective in Hillbrow and he was really dedicated
to his job. I was really comfortable with him and he made me feel special. Do I
love him? I honestly don't know hay but I liked him a lot. But the important thing
at the moment was the fact that I was spending the night at his place for the first
time and my expectations were great sex. He lived in a very cosy cottage, he was
a neat freak too and that had me worried a bit.
Me: "This is a nice and cosy place."
Mxo: "Thank you. My sister decorated it for me."
Me: "She has taste indeed" we sat and spoke about random things and laughed
because he was a joker.
Mxo: "Azande, I have been thinking." That wasn't good, since when do men think?
Me: "ooOkay."
Mxo: "I think we should take this relationship to the next level. I want
commitment from you." That I didn't see coming.
Me: "Are sure? This is a big step and we met not so long ago."
Mxo: "Baby I am sure about this. I love you Azande." This guy was all about
dropping bombs today "You are amazing and smart and very attractive. Falling for
you was so easy. You are a full package." I was blushing like an idiot
Me: "I like you a lot Mxolisi. So we can try." And he came in for a kiss, it was an
amazing kiss. The guy was good, next thing my top came off followed by this top
and later our bottoms. Before I knew it he was in between my tighs, all I can say is
DI-SA-POINT-MENT!!! Where was the foreplay? Let's not even talk about his dick
game, he tried to hard
Mxo: "That was great. Did you enjoy it as well?" Was this my life?
Me: "Mmm." He was a man and his ego was all he had. We cuddled and he later
dosed off and I found my clothes and snuck out. I needed to rethink my life. The
lesson here dont make rash decisions!!

»14«
PART 2
HLELO
Me: "Thank you so much for this outing baby. Say thank you Sbongakonke."
Sbonga: "Tass yuu." He was really trying, my son was forward though. Ty and I
laughed it was too cute. Ty took us out to the zoo.
Ty: "You are welcome." We carried on bonding and taking pictures. It was really
fun. We had the whole picnic set up going on. "Your party is tomorrow and I am
so excited." I laughed, he was just extra.
Me: "I can't wait. My outfit is ready."
Ty: "That's what I want to hear. Namhla RSVP'd as well."
Me: "Wow! She's been avoiding me this whole time but she can RSVP to parties."
Like what the fuck "I don't want her at the party Tyson."
Ty: "Hawu Gugulethu."
Me: "I am serious Tyson. Uninvite her or angizi lapho."
Ty: "Yooh baby we'll just ignore her. I really thought it was a good idea at the
time. Maybe you'll even fix things, how about that?" I missed her to be honest. It
wont hurt to try right?
Me: "Maybe you have a point. We'll see at the party I guess." We carried on
bonding and later I went to drop him off and Sbonga and I went home. He was
exhausted, he slept immediately after his bath.
Lakhe: "Oh you back."
Me: "Where's Khaya?"
Alime: "I am here." he came in with his bowl of ice cream, he loved it since we
were growing up. So we always kept a tub just for him. "What's up?"
Me: "You never answered me about coming to my birthday celebration."
Alime: "As far as I am concerned, your birthday came and passed and we went to
Cape Town like you wanted." Yes we spent my actual 19th birthday with my aunt
and her wife in Cape Town and it was amazing, I loved every minute of it.
Me: "Bhuti uTyson went all out for this and he is really trying." My brother wasn't
barging guys and I hated that I came between him and his oldest friend.
Alime: "Hayi man Gugulethu! He's trying for you not me."
Lakhe: "Hlehle we know Tyson, he only thinks of himself. So its only a matter of
time."
Me: "Mxm. Its clear that you guys don't want to see me happy!" I took my tea and
rusks and went to my room.
Alime: "Hlelolwenkosi!!"
Me: "Hayi phuma kimi!" I said in a low tone. Alime could beat my ass and no one
would stop him. I got down to the books since I had a hectic weekend a head off
me. I was really excited. Chilling with Tyson's friends has always been a delight
and I also invited those crazy girls from class. Those girls partied every fricken
weekend and I wasn't dramatic.
======
MamD: "Gugu, I think we should take him to the doctor." Sbonga woke up with a
fever and he didn't look fine. He wasn't his energetic self.
Me: "You think it's gotten to that point."
MamD: "He hasn't eaten anything all day and we both know that he never
declines porridge" Sbonga even wanted it for lunch especially the Banana flavored
instant porridge.
Me: "Okay I'll take him to the ER." I was still in my pjs. I was actually about to
prepare for my birthday celebration but Ty can wait I thought to myself. I was so
stressed out. We got the ER and he was attended to. I texted him about my
current situation and he didn't understand. He kept on asking about his nanny
and that just stressed me even and I ignored him. Calling my mother made sense
Me: "Mamazi Sbonga has a fever and he's just been admitted." I said out of panic
Mamazi: "Calm down baby. Breathe." I was crying
Me: "I don't know what to do mamazi."
Mamazi: "Babies get sick Hlehle but they are resilient. He's going to be fine, let
the doctors do their thing."
Me: "Are you not coming?" It made sense that she took the first flight out, right?
Mamazi: "No, I am not going to jump everytime Sbonga has a fever or cough. Id
jump if it was you because you are my baby, Sbonga is yours. You have to be
strong Hlehle, you are a mother now."
Me: "Hawu mamazi, that's not fair."
Mamazi: "Hlelo life is not fair. I am going to hang up now, go take care of my
grandson and keep me updated."
Me: "Okay."
Mamazi: "Ngyakthanda MaMnguni and send my love to The King as well."
Me: "Okay. We love you too." She hung up and I sat with my son. Besides my
family he was the next best thing. Emma called me while I was dying of self pity
Emma: "I am at the party, ukuphi Hle?"
Me: "Oh my I totally forgot. Sbonga has a fever, I am at the hospital."
Emma: "Which, I am on my way."
Me: "I'll send you my location."
Emma: "Okay." I hung up and I sent it to her. Tyson was busy texting angry faces. I
called him
Me: "Tyson I am really sorry."
Tyson: "Why can't the nanny watch him?" Wow! I just hung up, he was crazy.
After a while Emma came and she sat with me until morning.
Lakhe: "Why didn't you call us Gugulethu."
Me: "Since when do you answer your phones on a Friday?"
Alime: "You should have at least tried. Anyway this was a sign. oGumede
conspired and they sabotaged the whole thing." They laughed at me
Me: "Mxm."
Lakhe: "The King has timing." They were still laughing. I was so bored. My
brothers went home to fetch me clothes and I changed and later Sbonga was
discharged. The fever broke and he was given medication.
=====
Mamazi: "You did it!"
Me: "So it was a test?"
Mamazi: "Of course not. Hlehle I am not always going to be around. You need to
toughen up. Every time you call me with a crisis I'll do exactly what I did, moral
support."
Me: "I understand and thank you, for the moral support I mean. One thing I took
from all of this is as The King is growing, I am growing as well."
Mamazi: "And that's life. Growth is uncomfortable and scary Hlehle but I'll be
here, pushing you towards it." I nodded in understanding. It was time for me to
grow and rely on my own strength more.
Me: "So where's our main man?" I laughed at the look she was giving me
Mamazi: "Oh hell no! He is my main man and I don't share." We laughed
Baba: "I love it when you fight for me." I ran to hug him, I will forever be a daddy's
girl mother or not.
Mamazi: "But I always win." Baba was smiling this whole time.
Me: "Mxm!"
Baba: "How's The King?"
Me: "He is better."
Baba: "I am glad." I nodded "I am here to fetch my wife, I miss her."
Mamazi: "See!"
Me: "Okay! I get it." We bonded for a few hours and they later left us. Tyson
wasn't talking to me and I honestly didn't have the energy to beg him. Why was
he mad, I was going through something traumatic and he was there to support
me instead he carried on partying, mxm! I might be in denial about it but my
brothers were right. He only thinks of himself.
======
Things were pretty much the same at home. My brothers were still their player
selves and partied like there was no tomorrow. It didn’t help that Lakhe part-time
dj’d around Joburg, I sometimes went when Mam Dora could watch Sbonga but I
didn’t want to take advantage of her so it wasn’t often that I went out partying.
Things with Tyson were still rocky, I felt like I was losing him and that scared me, it
was all over a situation I had no control over. Tyson didn’t understand my
problems or why I couldn’t leave him with the nanny. I didn’t understand how
that made sense to him, I was his mother. My son was sick, obviously I wasn’t in a
party mood. The fight got deeper to a point where he felt like he was competing
with my son for my attention. I failed dismally to comprehend and understand
Tyson’s problem because I told him before we started dating that I was a single
mother and that meant I was both parents to my son. “We never do fun things as
a couple. It’s always Sbonga this and Sbonga that.” Those where Tyson’s words
and he was right, everything we did had to be child friendly because if we were
going out for food, I was taking Sbonga with us. Like I said I couldn’t take
advantage of the good nanny Mam Dora was and my brother were reckless
sometimes and I couldn’t trust them to babysit. For a few hours yes a whole
weekend, I couldn’t and they had lives to live. Sbonga was my problem not theirs.
It was after my test week and schedule was less intense and I figured let me be a
good girlfriend for at least a week, I asked Mam Dora to sleep over the week since
I will be spending the week at Tyson’s flat.
Tyson: “Thank you for doing this baby.” I was cooking dinner for us and we had
just had a very steamy love making session. I was making up for a lot.
Me: “I love you Tyson and I know you feel neglected but I will try to prioritise you
more as well.”
Tyson: “I love you too mama.” He was kissing the back of my neck. I turned
around and wrapped my arms around his neck.
Me: “Baby I need you to understand that, I am single mother before I am your
girlfriend and Sbonga is a part of me sick or not.”
Tyson: “I know that Gugulethu. All I want is for you to put me first as well.” I
didn’t understand what he meant “Your efforts this week, I really appreciate
them. I feel like I have a girlfriend.” We kissed. I was really glad that we were
heading for the right place, a happy place.
Me: “I will make more time for us, I promise.”
Tyson: “Good. Now finish up before I eat you up.” I laughed, I was almost done
with my spaghetti bolognaise. We had dinner and studied for a while, we were
students after all and later we went to bed. The week went on with me waking up
in Tyson’s arms and I was at my happiest but we drove separately to campus since
we had different schedules and I drove home to put Sbonga to bed. I felt bad for
him not waking up to me so the least I could do was put him to sleep. He was
really growing up, I loved my son and I don’t think I will ever love anything like I
loved him. I enjoyed that week with Tyson we bonded and we became closer. I
was still friends with those crazy idiots but they partied too much so our
friendship ended on campus. I had accepted that Namhla and I weren’t best
friends anymore, Alime told me it was for best. He added on by asking how was I
friends with her in the first place? I knew my friend was a lose girl but I didn’t
know to a point where she slept with both my brothers, yeah I know. But I loved
her and if she were to come up to me and say we must fix things because we
never fought, I would take her back. Emma was still my person, we were going to
die besties with that one. She was busier now apparently second year wasn’t
child’s play.
Alime: “The babies want to spend their September holidays here.” He refered to
our younger siblings as babies like mamazi. We were all babies to her though
Lakhe: “Ayikho ijive.”(There's no problem)
Me: “What are we going to do, when they are here?”
Alime: “It looks like you have homework baby sis.”
Lakhe: “When are they coming?”
Alime: “2 weeks from now.”
Me: “I will start searching.” We carried on watching tv. Sbonga was long time in
bed. He was like clockwork “So your birthday is coming up, whats the plan?”
Alime: “There is nothing to be excited about with 20 years.”
Lakhe: “21 is the year sis and we are going big no duplicate.” They refered to each
other as duplicate. They were identical so I suppose it was okay.
Alime: “Yup!! Yup!! Las Vegas baba!!” my brothers were crazy. I just laughed
Me: “Will the parents even allow it?”
Lakhe: “They cant not. I have been to Disneyland for the past 3 years because of
Sasa and Simo.”
Me: “I know, we have over done Disneyland kwa Gumede.”
Alime: “They have to give us this. We deserve it man.”
Me: “Sadly I don’t.” I already had kid so I didn’t qualify for umemulo or a 21st
unless my parents were willing to overlook tradition which highly doubted
because of my grandmother.
Alime: “We’ll include you in ours, don’t worry hlehle.” I laughed he was crazy. I
loved hanging out with them. We sat and conversed about the good old days
kwaMashu and our current lives. Alime and Tyson weren’t friends anymore and I
felt bad because they were really tight in high school.
Me: “Bhuti please consider. It breaks my heart that I am the reason you two
aren’t friends anymore.”
Alime: “Hlelo, Tyson broke our code. I have nothing to say to a guy who doesn’t
respect my family.” there was no talking him out of this, he was his father’s son
like that.
Lakhe: “There is nothing to talk about now Hlelo. Think about it, imagine Tyson
coming up to ubafo with girlfriend problems and the girlfriend happened to be his
sister.” He had a point, things were complicated now I guess. Tyson and I had to
make it maybe they’ll later be brothers-in-law and that meant we are family.
Me: “I didn’t see it that way.” Alime shrugged his shoulders.
Alime: “Can we never talk about him again?” Lakhe and I nodded “Thanks. I am
out now.” He took his phone and car keys “I love you guys.” And left
Lakhe: “I am going to bed, I have an early morning ksasa.”
Me: “Bhuti ngfuna uklala nawe.” I faked sulked.
Lakhe: “Hlelo you will you ever change?” it was a rhetorical question right? I
couldn’t sleep alone guys, I had issues. Sbonga had his room but he slept with me.
“Asambe.” I jumped off the couch.
Me: “We are sleeping in my bed.” He nodded. He went to change into his pjs and I
changed into mine. We got into bed and we slept all 3 of us.
======
I woke up in the morning with Lakhe long gone, my classes started midday on a
Friday so there was no rush but I had to be up to bond with The King. I went
downstairs to prepare breakfast and cook lunch for Mam Dora and Sbonga.
Sbonga was sitting on his feeding chairs while I fed him and cooked
simultaneaously. A girl came down with only Alime’s pj top.
Girl: “Morning and who are you.” Haibo khuzani usisi (stop her). She messed with
the wrong girl.
Me: “Haibo, who are you?” it was an insult I felt that was my home and she
wasn’t even a guest because get introduced.
Girl: “I am Khaya’s girlfriend.”
Me: “I am the wife.” I carried on feeding Sbonga, I didn’t want to see her face. But
from the gasp I heard, I think she was shocked. She ran upstairs “The King is
hungry.” He opened up, I was feeding him oats “that’s my king.” We clapped our
hands. Eating was celebrated kwa Gumede
Sbonga: “Papa.” That’s what he called every male figure he came across. I had to
explain to Qwabe who papa was. It was all Tyson’s fault guys.
Alime: “The King.” He wanted him to take him “Hlelo stop scaring my woman.” I
laughed
Me: “Haisuka uyaphapha eqhamuka esabuza imbuzo emzini yabantu.”(she is too
forward. She barges in here and asks questions) I looked at the girl and she was
embarrassed
Girl: “I am sorry, i lost my morals a bit.”
Me: “Lost? Awekho nje girl (You don't have any). You just don’t do that.” I was a
bit pissed.
Alime: “Its enough Gugulethu. Go get dressed Xoli so I can take you home.” She
nodded and went up “Uyaphapha vele lo. (She's forward)”
Me: “Umcoshephi, hai ngeke sbali.(where did you find her?)”
Alime: “She’s from Alex. Let me go put on a top since she took mine.” I nodded.
He took Sbonga with him and they all came back “We are coming back.”
Me: “Okay.” after I was done cooking I went to get ready for my brunch date with
Tyson. I wore a black ankle grazer with brown ankle boots and my black puffer
jacket. I packed my books and I was good to go. I went to call Mam Dora from her
room and I told her that Sbonga was out with his uncle and I left. We were going
to meet at Melrose Arch, I found him waiting for me at JB’s corner.
Me: “Hey babe.” We kissed “Are you okay, you look like you haven’t slept?”
Ty: “I am fine.” Our waitress came and we ordered and she left “Gugulethu uyaz
ngyakthanda angith. (You know I love you, right?)” I smiled
Me: “Ngyathanda nam Tyson (I love you too).” I really did. I didn’t think him and I
we’ll get this far. Ty had a history of being a player so I was really gambling when I
agreed to be with him. But he proved everyone who was doubting him wrong. We
were approaching our second year of our relationship and were still going strong.
He took my hands and looked at me, he didn’t look fine. He wasn’t my hot
coloured boyfriend
Ty: “Promise me, you’ll never leave me.”
Me: “Is everything okay?”
Ty: “Promise Gugulethu.” Our food came and they placed it on the table but Ty
didn’t break eye contact. “Please promise me baby, that we’ll get through
everything we face.”
Me: “I promise.”
Ty: “I love you.”
Me: “I love you too.” He kissed both my hands
Ty: “Okay lets eat.” Tyson was being really weird guys. That whole lunch date he
wasn’t his playful self. After brunch I drove to campus and he said he had an
errand to run. After class I drove back home talking to my parents on the phone,
talking to them was always a delight. My mother suggested we put a visit to our
aunt in Witbank on the itinerary for when the babies come to visit. Auntiza Wam
lived alone, her husband died on a mining accident a few years back and they
couldn’t have kids. She always said that Baba had enough kids for the both of
them. So visiting her was always a must plus she loved having us. I had a plan for
that week and we’d spend the weekend with our aunt.

»14«
PART 2
CONTINUED
HLANGA
Life has been pretty much the same for me. Going back to my shady dealing might
have complicated it. I sometimes had lie to Thingo about my whereabouts and it
really didn’t sit well with me. Lying about being a spy, was fine because it was my
job and I was protecting her from whatever harm that could come to her if she
knew. I even signed a waiver stating that even in the most complicated of
situations I will not disclose my job title or description. I wanted to tell her
everything about me but part of me felt that she was going to leave me, if she
knew the real me and what really goes down in my head. Nqobani was right,
besides me saving her I also married her for my own selfish reasons. I took the
time to think things through and I had other options to help her but marrying her
was a way to keep her close to me. She was sleeping so peacefully with hair on
her face. I removed it and looked at her, she was so beautiful. Her beauty was so
natural, I fell inlove with her everyday. I didn’t even know how I got to where I
was. I woke up one day, she was the only person I wanted to talk to before I start
my day and the last person before I went to bed. I needed to get my life in order
for her and our kids. I wasn’t getting any younger, I wanted to start a family with
her. I was ready for a mini me. What scared me was that we had to start talking
and that meant I had to open up about my childhood and everything about me.
But my wife was also a closed book just like me. She wasn’t like most girls who
were always ready for commitment and ready for relationships. I never asked
what her reasons were because it meant I also had to talk. So it was best to leave
things the way they are until we both couldn’t avoid it and that time was going to
come. I decided to wake up with kisses all over her face. Young Nyambose always
misbehaved in Thingo’s presence that we kinda accepted and moved on. I wanted
to have her in more ways than one but I told myself that it would be when we
were both sure of our feelings and were committed to this marriage. I carried on
kissing her, she eventually woke up and smiled. I went for her lips, she only baby
kissed me
Me: “Morning. Now you don’t want to kiss your man?” she got out of bed and ran
to the bathroom. I followed her there and she was brushing her teeth. I just
watched her and waited for her to explain herself. I felt rejected. When she was
done rinsing her mouth, she came up to me and wrapped her arms around my
neck.
Thingo: “I didn’t want to subject you to my morning breath. Morning Nyambose.”
She baby kissed me again and I deepened the kiss and picked her up. She was
gaining all the weight back and more than before since she became my wife. She
wrapped her legs around my waist and I led us back to bed.
Me: “Just so you know I didn’t brush my teeth and I don’t mind your morning
breath.” She nodded I carried on kissing her. I got inbetween her legs and things
where heating up by the moment. I was so turned on and I think she was too
because she let me take of her pyjama top, she was insecure about her breasts
and I just felt the bigger the better. She tensed up when I started sucking on her
left nipple.
Thingo: “Aaah Hla..Hlanga.” I popped it out and looked at her now tiny eyes. She
was also horny, I couldn’t help but smirk a bit
Me: “Trust me baby.” We were still looking at each other “Ngyakthanda Thingo
lwam.” She chose to kiss me instead and I was okay with that. She had never said
she loved me back, I was a bit worried but I didn’t want her to think I was insecure
even though I was. The more we kissed the harder my dick became and I wanted
to be in her that moment. I was torturing myself. I decided to stop for my own
sanity “Baby you are killing me.” I left her in bed and went to take a cold shower
because I needed it. I was too old for masturbation so I stayed in the shower until
young Nyambose calmed down. I cleaned myself up nicely and went back to the
room. i found her making the bed, she stopped when she saw me
Thingo: “Are you okay?”
Me: “I am fine, how are you?”
Thingo: “I am okay.” I started lotioning my body “I will come back later.” She was
still shy to look at my naked body.
Me: “Don’t leave on my account. You are stuck with me for the rest of your life,
might as well get used to the view.”
Thingo: “I guess you are right.” I smiled at least she considered a future with me.
“I was thinking we should visit home for a weekend.”
Me: “Okay which weekend?”
Thingo: “We can go even today, I mean I am done with exams and I have nothing
better to do.”
Me: “We will go later in the week. For this weekend I just want to spend time with
you.” She smiled, I loved it when she smiled
Thingo: “We’ll go to the movies and have cinnabon after.” The way my wife was
obsessed with Cinnabon, it was a crime I felt.
Me: “Anything you want us to do. I just want to be with you today.”
Thingo: “Id really like that.”
Me: “Okay. Do you want us to go out for breakfast or eat at home?”
Thingo: “Lets stay at home for the day then we’ll go to the movies later.”
Me: “I think I like that idea.” I carried on putting on lotion and getting myself to
look decent.
Thingo: “Let me take a quick shower so I can make breakfast.” I nodded. She
finished making our bed and went to the bathroom. Things were better now that I
had a woman in the house. It was cleaner and it seemed like Thingo was a person
who liked order and clean spaces. Worse than me, I was average. When I was
done dressing myself up with sweatpants and t-shirt I put on slops, I took my
phone and went to the lounge. I decided to work a bit while I waited for
breakfast. I was checking on the statements at the gym and club. My numbers
weren’t great for the gym, membership was declining and most equipment
needed servicing. I needed to revamp that place honestly. So a strategy meeting
was needed with my staff. Whereas the club was still in good shape and having it
linked to the Pop-up party thing it will be good exposure. “You want your milk
warm or cold?” she always asked me this and I always tell her the same thing
Me: “Cold, KaMfeka.”
Thingo: “I don’t know how you drink that. I want something hot in the morning.” I
shrugged my shoulders “Come we’ll eat on the counter.” I stood up and followed
her to the counter. I held her by her waist and made her look at me. I focused on
her eyes, they always told a story “Are we going to eat or we just going to stare at
each other?” I chuckled, her scarcasm was delightful.
Me: “Let’s eat.” We sat down and ate over light conversation. Thingo was a very
interesting person. I think its in the fact that she was always eager to learn new
things and explore where as I was a complete opposite. Change wasn’t something
I enjoyed very much unless it was necessary. After breakfast she cleaned up the
kitchen while I sat and watch soccer highlights. When she was done she came and
joined me on the couch and we cuddled.
Thingo: “Can we go buy snacks so at least I will keep my mouth busy while we
watch soccer.” She didn’t say it in a way that she was enjoying it.
Me: “We can watch something else.”
Thingo: “Or we go buy snacks and you come and teach me video games.” I
couldn’t help but smile.
Me: “Okay we can do that.” I stood up “I’ll go fetch my wallet.”
Thingo: “Don’t worry about it. I have mine.” I wasn’t about to let my woman pay
in my presence. The last time it happened I felt weird. I was raised to be a
provider big or small, if my woman wanted it, I had to provide it. So I chose to
ignore her and I went to fetch my wallet.
Me: “Lets go.” She went to take her car keys. “No baby we are walking, the centre
is a few minutes away.”
Thingo: “Okay.” we locked the house and we took a walk to the shopping centre
close to the complex. Our conversation wasn’t leading anywhere, we were talking
mostly about what was in front of us.
Me: “So what are your plans after varsity? Do they involve me?” I couldn’t ignore
this question anymore. As much as I knew Thingo wasn’t the type of person to use
me, I just wanted to be sure.
Thingo: “This is an awkward place to ask that question.” We were at pick n pay.
Thingo was buying the whole aisle of junk food. I honestly didn’t care where we
were at. “But to answer your question. I tend to not plan too far ahead, I am less
disappointed if I do that. I am halfway through my 1st year and I have 3 more
years after this. So I would like to finish first before I make plans but the idea in
my head is that, its still going to be you and me.”
Me: “You mean that.” She gave me an assuring nod. I didn’t want much from her
besides her being in my life “Okay. Ngyakthanda Thingo lwam.” I really did and it
scared the shit out of my pants and at the same time it felt right and I needed it.
Thingo: “Nyambose please don’t do this to me and here.” She point at the aisle
we were standing at “Being married to you is pressure on its own. I am still
getting used to that.”
Me: “Why would you feel my love for you is pressure?” I really didn’t understand
Thingo: “when you tell me you love me and what not, I feel like I have to say it as
well but at the same time I am not sure of my feelings. I have so much to learn
about love and relationships.”
Me: “Thingo lwam. I am also learning with you.” I took both her hands. “But I am
a man of my word. Without my words I don’t know who I am. So when I tell you I
love you, I mean it and I am giving you a piece of who I am.” I looked at her “You
being here means a lot to me because you could’ve been anywhere else but still
you made the choice to agree to this.”
Thingo: “I want to be here with you Nyambose. I am happier and content with
you.”
Me: “I am glad that’s how you feel. So if you are unsure about your feelings, its
okay. I don’t want you to lie to me or yourself.” I kissed her and we hugged
Thingo: “This is so weird that we having this moment at Pick n pay but I love it.” I
chuckled and she giggled just after me “Id like us to talk more Nyambose.” I didn’t
like where this conversation was going.
Me: “Siyakhuluma nje Siphosethu.” (We are talking)
Thingo: “Not really. Id like to know about you before we met, your life as a teen
and all those things.” I was getting pissed by the minute. I hated talking about my
childhood because I had nothing good to say about it.
Me: “I think we should go. You are right this is a weird place to talk.” I pushed the
trolly towards the tills “Do you have everything you need?” she nodded.
Thingo: “Its fine I have it.” She handed the cashier her card
Me: “Fuck! Siphosethu I am paying.” I growled and that startled her a bit. It wasn’t
my intention to scare her, even the cashier was startled but she wasn’t my
concern. But at the thought of my childhood, I lose it. This was the temper my
uncle was talking about. I paid and we walked back home in silence. I was finding
a way to explain myself without me having to explain why I lost my cool. “I am
sorry.” The mood was sour, we weren’t even holding hands like before.
Thingo: “Its okay.” I knew she didn’t mean that, we carried on walking in silence
until we got home. She went straight to our room. I really fucked up. I needed
help to fix this, I called my father.
Baba: “Mthethwa Hello.” He never checked his caller id, so I as his son was always
subjected to his formal greeting. Hearing his voice made me miss my family at
home. Thingo was right we needed to visit them.
Me: “baba ninjany?”(How are you doing?)
Baba: “Hawu Hlangalezwe!!” he sounded happy “Siyaphila mfana, unjan
umakoti?”(We good, how's Thingo?)
Me: “She’s the reason why I am calling. Baba I think I messed up.” I say rubbing
my head in frustration
Baba: “Hlanga what did you do? I told you to get that temper of yours in check.”
My father already knew whatever I did had to do with my temper.
Me: “Baba ngyazi kodwa nokuth ulokhe ungibalisela(I know instead you biting my
head off) please help me fix it.”
Baba: “Buy something big and apologise until she accepts your apology.” He
laughed, this guy wasn’t taking me seriously and I was a bit scared.
Me: “Baba come on. She is not talking to me. What if I scared her off?” I was
panicking.
Baba: “Yehlisa umoya Nyambose (Calm down). Go talk to her and explain your
reasons and make her understand. You live together this is not the first or the last
outburst.” He was right Thingo needed to know the real me. The control issues
me and anger issues me.
Me: “Okay let me go buy something big then.” He laughed
Baba: “It really helps. Sex might be a result too.” I laughed, if only he knew. “I am
serious. Nothing beats make-up sex.” I was still laughing, how was this man my
father “Go fix things now. Marrying Siphosethu is the best decision you have ever
made in your life. I would hate it if you lost her because of your anger issues. Deal
with them Hlangalezwe.” Everything he said to me, he was right.
Me: “I am trying baba, its not easy.”
Baba: “I know but I am here to help you and I am sure Siphosethu is willing to
help. She is your wife therefore she must accepts you as you come.”
Me: “Okay. Ngyabonga Diniswayo.”
Baba: “Okay mfana.” We hung up and I went to our room. She was curled up like
a pretzel and she was asleep. I felt bad because I wanted us to talk, something we
had been doing a lot that morning
Me: “Thingo.” I shook her until she opened her red eyes and they were a bit
swollen. I felt like shit, nothing hurt me the most than not seeing her happy or
smilling. “Thingo lwam I am so sorry.” She looked me “I had no right to lose my
cool like that.”
Thingo: “Its not only you shouting at me for no reason Hlangalezwe. Its you
dismissing my suggestion about us communicating more and later having you lash
out at me.” She wiped her tears, she looked ugly when she cried. “You shouting at
me like that just took me back to Aunt Nomusa days.” I didn’t realize the wounds I
had opened “She never took anything I said seriously just like you did at the
store.”
Me: “Baby I am sorry. The last thing I wanted was to make you feel unimportant.
Thingo lwam you are very important to me. No actually VVIP baby.” She giggled, I
was on the right track. “I have issues Thingo and they are buried deep down
where they belong.”
Thingo: “You can talk to me about anything Nyambose.” She said sincerely while
she held my face. She made me look at her
Me: “I want to believe that Thingo lwam I do but I cant go back there.”
Thingo: “We’ll figure it out Nyambose.” She meant those words, her eyes again
were my door.
Me: “Maybe we will but I don’t think I am ready because at the thought of it I lose
it so imagine how bad things will be when I face it and actually deal with it.”
Thingo: “Okay.”
Me: “What does that mean?”
Thingo: “You are not perfect and I understand that. So if you need time to fully
trust that I am here for you than you have it.”
Me: “I have serious anger issues Thingo.”
Thingo: “And control issues and you are possessive. What am I missing?” she
asked smiling. This girl was something else.
Me: “Being aware of it is not the same as dealing with it.”
Thingo: “I know. You forgot to say that you are kind and generous person as well.
As much as you have flaws Nyambose you also have strengths too.” She took my
hands this time “So if it means I have to take a few outbursts so be it at least I
know its not intentional.”
Me: “Me, generous? I don’t think so.” She giggled “Uqinisile Thingo lwam hurting
you is the least of the things I want to do to you, unless its painful pleasure.” I said
playing with my eyebrows and a smirk on my face
Thingo: “How can such a handsome face speak such foulness?” I laughed. “Angaz
uhlekani”
Me: “I am laughing at your face, the way you become shy whenever the sex
conversation comes up or seeing me naked.” She was so embarrassed and I was
still laughing. Thingo was too innocent man. “So tell me how are we going to
make 10 kids if you are shy around the seed that makes them?” I gave her a
questioning look
Thingo: “Really? Why are you like this?” I laughed as she got off the bed. I tried to
grab her but she slipt and ran out the room. Our apartment wasn’t that big so she
was going to get far with her running. “Argh this place is not big enough man.” I
had caught her, we were now on the couch. I laid her on her back and I got in
between her legs. My wife was wearing some short denim dress and her legs
man!
Me: “So about the baby thing …”
Thingo: “Hlanga I am ...” I smashed my lips on her, I knew she wasn’t ready. My
hand made it way up her dress while she rested her head on the other one. The
kiss was amazing and we both felt it and things were escalating. She pushed me
off her “Nyambose I think …” I slid her pantys aside and she jumped but I had her
pinned down so she no room to move. I kissed her again my hands made it way
back to her African honeypot. This time I made sure I did everything fast before
she could register my finger was in I started by massaging her clit. She was
enjoying it, I moved to slowly fingering her, she flinched. Than I remembered that
I was dealing with a virgin. The kiss moved from her lips to me kissing her from
her jawline down to her neck. It looked like my wife I was liking what I was doing,
I moved from her neck to her ear
Me: “You were saying something” I said while breathing seductively on her ear.
Her eyes were closed “Thingo lwam, talk to me.”
Thingo: “Nyambose… aaahhh” that was me sliding in the second finger while my
thumb rubbed against her clit “mmmm”
Me “Nothing?” she opened her eyes and nodded. I went back to kissing her lips
and she responded with the same hunger. I stopped fingering her and took off her
dress followed by the top she had underneath. She was left with her matching bra
and pantys. She had gained a lot of weight, a small belly was on the come up.
“Wanna help me take off my clothes.” She didn’t respond instead she kissed me
while she helped me out of my t-shirt. I was left in my sweatpants we kissed and I
picked her up and we went to our room. The couch was a bit uncomfortable, I
was too tall. I laid her softly on the bed. The kissing was so passionate, Thingo
might have not said it but she had feelings for me and I was willing to wait for her.
She was enjoying the kiss more than me, our tongues were dancing with each
other.
Thingo: “mmmh.” I moved from her lips down to her neck. Than my phone
vibrated in my pants.
Me: “Shit!!” I baby kissed her lips and took it out to answer it. It was my idiot
brother “Yin Mpilonhle.”
Lonhle: “Chill Mr Grumpy. Im on my way there and I am coming with someone.”
Me: “No, don’t come Siphosethu and I have plans.”
Thingo: “Its okay, he can come.”
Me: “Sssh. Yeah we have plans.” I didn’t want my brother cramping my style.
Lonhle: “Well include us in those plans, I am 10 minutes out.” And my idiot
brother hung up.
Me: “Shit!! Is it wrong to hold so much hatred for your brother?” I was really
annoyed, things were looking up for me, literally.
Thingo: “You are lying, you love him.” I was sulking, she baby kissed me and I tried
to deepen it “Hayi Nyambose we need to get dressed.”
Me: “Mxm.” I got off the bed and Thingo tried to take a towel to cover herself.
“You are fine. Come.” I gave her my hand and I made her walk in front of me.
Damn that ass, it was all mine. I spanked it.
Thingo: “I cant deal with you.” She said shaking her head. I laughed. She threw my
t-shirt at me and put her clothes back on. “So what’s the plan now that we have a
visitor?”
Me: “He said he is coming with someone. But I am still spending time with you so
we are still having dinner and a movie.”
Thingo: “And Cinnabon Nyambose.” I smiled because she was emphasizing.
Me: “Of course baby.”
Thingo: “I think I should change this dress.”
Me: “You look fine to me. I love that dress on you.”
Thingo: “I have noticed, you get all touchy whenever I am wearing it.” I laughed
because of the way she said. “So I shouldn’t change it?” I shook my head. After a
few minutes there was a knock on the door and Thingo got to go open. My
brother got in followed by a petite yellowbone. The idiot had a girlfriend. No
wonder he insisted on coming. My brother was only clingy when he was broke
and needed money from me.
Lonhle: “Sanibonani.”
Thingo: “Unjan bafo.” Lonhle and I chuckled. Its weird when she said it.
Lonhle: “Sikhona makoti.” Thingo and I looked at him, waiting for him to
introduce the lady. She was glued to Lonhle and she had her head bowed down
this whole time. “Oh! This is Bokang Maponyane. Ke motho waka (my girlfriend).
Baby umfowethu lo no mfaz wakhe. (This is my brother and his wife)” I wasn’t
sure what was happening, he really looked happy. The poor girl smiled
Bokang: “Ngiya njabula ukwaz.” Thingo and I laughed because that wasn't Zulu.
She was still learning and it was cute. “My Zulu still needs polishing.”
Thingo: “You are doing just fine. Siyajabula ukukwazi nathi (we are pleased to
meet you).”
Lonhle: “Now that meet and greet is out the way. What are we planning?”
Thingo: “Movie than dinner. Are you game?”
Lonhle: “As long as its not a romcom we good.” Thingo’s face changed
Me: “We watch whatever Thingo wants.” He was shook “That’s what you get for
hijacking other people’s plans.” And my wife’s smile was back again.
Lonhle: “Mxm!!” he stood up and went to the fridge and came back
Bokang: “We are okay with whatever. Akere?” Lonhle nodded without hesitation.
It was over for him. My brother hated anything romance, I knew that because
they always fought with Banele and I didn’t care.
Thingo: “Okay we should get going then so we’ll catch the 17h00 movie.” She got
up and went to our room.
Me: “So Bokang out of all people in the world, you said I will go for this one, the
Mthethwa idiot.” She laughed and Lonhle just shook his head
Bokang: “This Zulu guy was really persistant.” I chuckled
Me: “No it’s the Mthethwa charm.”
Lonhle: “Mxm!” She was in good hands. My brother wasn’t a player. If he was in a
relationship he was in it but he also fooled around.
Bokang: “I agree.”
Thingo: “I am ready.” She came back with her handbag and her weave was
properly brushed and tied. “Who’s car are we taking.”
Lonhle: “Please take yours, I want a word no bafo.” He looked at his woman
“Baby, go with Thingo we’ll meet you at the movies.”
Thingo: “Okay lets leave together at least.” I took my car keys and handed Thingo
hers and we made our way to the cars. Thingo and I were going to be a BMW
family. That’s where my money will be going when it comes to cars. We got in
our separate cars
Me: “Whats up?”
Lonhle: “Bokang is what is up. I am screwed bafo.”
Me: “Khuluma phela bafo.(Talk)” He rubbed his head in frustration.
Lonhle: “She is changing me and I don’t like it.” I laughed
Me: “Welcome to my world. I am home and sober on a Saturday afternoon my
guy.” We all knew my method of operation but ever since Thingo came into my
life, I have toned it down a little. I still did the things I used to do but less because
of Thingo and I didn’t mind being sober at home.
Lonhle: “Why are you leaving, you watching movies part. You hate movies
Hlanga.”
Me: “But Thingo changed all that. Its not all bad bafo and if you feel she is worth it
than allow the change.”
Lonhle: “I guess you are right.”
Me: “A guy at work with said that “Love can save you from a lot of things” I
believe it Lonhle and he made being weak at the hands of the right woman sound
so easy and worth it.” I parked the car at the mall “My point is trust your gut, its
never wrong half the time and if she is the one it will all be worth it.”
Lonhle: “Okay. I was so frustrated. She is an amazing girl but in her presence I
don’t know I become some weak ass.” We got out the car and we made our way
to the cinema.
Me: “Don’t change who you are but compromise a bit.”
Lonhle: “You have a point there.” We saw the ladies “Thanks for the talk.”
Me: “Its cool.” I made my way to Thingo and we kissed “So have you decided on
what to watch?” she had a disappointed face
Thingo: “There is nothing I like here. Its all action and car movies.” I couldn’t help
but smile. With romcom I wasn’t going to concentrate anyway but with cars “I
think we should go.”
Me: “Lets check out the cars one.” I was really interested
Lonhle: “Fast 8 I heard its dope.”
Thingo: “Its okay we can watch it.” She didn’t sound happy.
Me: “We don’t have to watch it if you don’t like it.”
Thingo: “You seem interested Hlanga and its okay.” I wasn’t sure on what to do
“We are watching Fast 8.”
Me: “Okay let me go buy the tickets.”
Thingo: “Bokang and I we’ll buy the snacks” I nodded and we went to different
queues. We got the tickets and everything and we made our way to the movie. It
was really interesting and I was eager to see the 7 others before this one. After
the movie it was time for dinner. Bokang and I wanted Spur whereas Thingo was
eager to try out Rocomamas and Lonhle wanted their burgers “Spur is fine.”
Me: “We can buy try Rocomamas baby.” She pulled me to the side
Thingo: “I need this Hlanga. If you want Spur we’ll have Spur because you wont let
me pay for anything please make me feel good about myself by allowing you to
choose where we eat. I also want to compromise.” I just smiled I didn’t know it
was that deep “You have your issues and I have mine.”
Me: “I can see that. You can have all the cinnabon you want baby.” She smiled
and I hugged her
Lonhle: “Spur it is then.” He also didn’t seem to mind. We had dinner over
conversation mostly about Bokang. She was a Tswana girl from Botswana and was
doing her 1st year in psychology. She was a down to earth girl unlike Thingo. As
much as she was a loner she wasn’t shy at all. After dinner my lady went crazy at
Cinnabon, she forced Lonhle and Bokang to try it.
Me: “She is very persuasive so I suggest you try it.” Lonhle was just like me, we
drank too much alcohol so we didn’t have the palet for sweet things but for
Cinnabon I made an exception because they were good.
Bokang: “Oh my word!! This is amazing.”
Thingo: “I know right.” She looked really happy. Cinnabon solved most of our
problems that day.
Bokang: “Baby we are finding this place in Pretoria.”
Lonhle: “Of course. But for you baby, these things are too sweet.” When we were
done we drove back home, I drove with Thingo this time and Lonhle drove my car
with Bokang. I was really happy for my brother, he looked happy and as much as
he had doubts but he was happy. Doubts are common, I have learnt that and
change is a scary thing. At some point you want to go back to your comfort zone
because you are in unfamiliar territory and there is so much uncertainty because
you are not in a place you are used to. After taking the step I took with Thingo I
realized that change is good and it allows you to grow. Chances where id probably
be drunk somewhere had I not chosen to marry her, Ndumiso was right love does
save you from yourself sometimes. Allowing and admitting my feelings for Thingo
gave me something to look forward to and mostly acting on them gave me a
fighting chance at a better future. I know some people might think I could’ve
done things differently, I mean she was over 18 and wasn’t her parents
responsibility anymore but we will always be their responsibility, I mean I went to
my father the minute I didn’t know what to do. Honestly deep down I knew that
she was my wife, its my reasons that I wasn’t sure about. I looked at her while she
spoke to Aya on the phone and I thank the Mthethwa ancestors for leading me to
those streets that night. I met her by chance and she turned out to be the best
thing to ever happen to me.

»14«
PART 3
NATHAN
Things were looking up, merger wise Chancellor and I will make a great
partnership. I was really excited, the expansion of territory was going to make me
even more powerful in the underworld. Anyway back to Ningi, its clear that she
was into me because she couldn't stay away and it had gotten to a point where
she "forgets" some of her things at my house. She's a good person and sex with
her was great but that was just it for me, sex.
Me: "Call that number and he'll handle your divorce for you."
Ningi: "Okay, thanks."
Me: "He's expecting your call." He nodded "And I think we should cut ties for both
our sakes. Sipho will do anything to win and finding out about us won't be good
for your case."
Ningi: "Oh. But I have been very careful, he won't suspect a thing. All he cares
about is me gone and his new girlfriend to take my place."
Me: "It's better to be safe than sorry. We'll talk when you are single again"
Ningi: "I've been separated for a while Nathan." This won't end.
Me: "Okay. I need to get going, I have to be joburg in a few hours."
Ningi: "Okay." She got out of bed
Ndu: "Pierce!!!" He was early "Nathan!!" He shouted again and I went downstairs.
Me: "Yini (What) Ndu?" He wasn't alone. He was with Que and Lungelo and they
looked pissed. I brushed my head in frustration. This wasn't going to end well.
Me: "Old timers."
Que: "The mayor's wife, Nathan are you crazy?" So Ndu was a snitch now? And
Ningi catwalk herself down the stairs. She wasn't the prettiest girl in the room but
she made a statement with her body.
Ningi: "Sanibonani. I'll see you around Nathan."
Me: "Okay." That was an awkward moment. Que was pissed and Lungelo looked
disappointed. "Ndu I had this under control."
Ndu: "Oh really, which part? Nathan she could be a plant. Have you even thought
of that?" I honestly I haven't "We are the only ones who could take Sipho Mabuza
down and he knows it so imagine what he'll do to make sure that never happens.
Old timers talk to him because I am going to kill him." He was also pissed. After
Qophelo recruited Ndu, of all the guys I had trained, he was the closest thing to
becoming the next me so making him my right-hand man made sense plus he was
disciplined. Now he was the one calling me to order.
Lungelo: "What is your endgame Nathan?"
Que: "What is your plan in life?"
Me: "Regarding what?" I didn't understand the question.
Lungelo: "Why do you wake up every day?" Why do I wake up every day?
Me: "..." I honestly didn't have an answer.
Qophelo: "Its clear we have failed at raising you Nathan." He came in with his
twin, Qophelo and Mnqobi weren't aging like the other 3.
Mnqobi: "Since when do you mix business with pleasure? And not just with
anyone, with a politician's wife." This was suddenly a big thing and I was failing to
see the big deal.
Lungelo: "Yeses! Uyagula? (Are you crazy?)" I just looked at him "You were about
to tell me why you wake up every morning"
Me: "Because I have a job to do and business to take care of."
Que: "The way you are going about your buusiness right now, you'll have nothing
to wake up to one day, you don't get involve with someone who has the law
working for them." He had a point.
Mnqobi: "And what is going to happen to you when suddenly all your business is
gone?"
Me: "Where is this conversation going, look old timers I have to be in Joburg in 2
hours."
Qophelo: "Money doesn't make a man Nathan. You can chase it to the end of the
earth but you'll still have that empty feeling inside." Shit just got real.
Lungelo: "Nor do those muscles and those tattoos. They don't make you a man."
Que: "Character makes a man, first born." I nodded "Your choices, what do you
stand for even in this world of ours?" That was some deep things to think about
Ndu: "Our credibility is on the line Nathan if you are going to sleep with our
clients wives. After Sonia I thought you'll behave and get your shit together."
Ningi wasn't the first bored housewife I screwed with. Sonia was some CEO's wife.
Me: "Ndumiso Ningi and I have cut ties. Today was the last day." I looked at the
old men "Thank you for the advice and you are not wrong, I need to make better
choices to better represent my brand." They were right. I was about to join forces
with Chance now and he didn't need my unnecessary baggage. "Like I said Ningi
and any other housewife for that matter we are done. I'll focus on better things.
Like the merger" I said looking at Ndu
Siya: "What did I miss?" They all had keys to my house and the estate security
knew them
Qophelo: "Nathan is afraid of commitment so he targets unavailable woman." I
laughed
Me: "Wow!!"
Siya: "We all know he's not wrong first born. You've never even once showed us
your girlfriend. Its always been other people's women and wives." Its clear that
they had figured out my method of operation. I did say I have attachment issues
so it was best to go for people who weren't going to expect commitment from
me. It was clear that this was a sort of intervention. They carried on giving me
advice about growing up and opening up to things like actually dating single
women.
Lungelo: "A man is defined by how he treats women, by how he keeps his
promises"
Qophelo: "And how he protects and serves the ones he loves. That is what makes
a man a man, first born."
Que: "So are you a man Nathan?"
Mnqobi: "Or a boy?"
Me: "Its clear that you want me to rethink my life choices and I will. Again thank
you for having my back."
Que: "We want what's the best for you Nathan."
Twins: "Always." They laughed
Siya: "You are too old for that man." We all laughed.
Ndu: "Old timers. We really need to get going now."
Mnqobi: "You say it like we are holding your legs." He was very rude about it.
Qophelo: "Hambani Ndumiso!!" He wasn't their favorite person. But Musa and
him loved each other. I ran upstairs and took a quick shower and I wore jeans and
a top with sneakers and Ndu drove us to the airport. We got to Joburg and we got
down to business. This was a step up the ladder. Chance was really big on Joburg
just like how was big in Durban and my international contacts and together we
were going places.
=======
Me: "Ningi you need to stop coming to my house. What we had is over." I said in
the most calm way.
Ningi: "Nathan you all I have. Please don't do this. I love you you."
Me: "Huh?"
Ningi: "I am serious Nathan. That's why I am divorcing Sipho. I am the one who
asked for the divorce."
Me: "What? Ningi are you crazy? So him cheating on you is a lie?"
Ningi: "He is cheating, I wasn't lying about that. Sipho doesn't make me happy like
you do Nathan. Please give us a chance." What have I gotten myself into?
Me: "There is no you and I Ningi. There never was?" I looked at her "You are not
the woman I want or even need." It all came back, Que's words about my choices
and what I stand for. Ningi wasn't a woman I could trust, she wasn't loyal and very
much unreliable. Someone I didn't need "Please leave my house before I kick you
out."
Ningi: "Okay baby I understand, this is all new to you. You need time to digest my
proposal. But think about this Nathan." She got down on her knees, dropped my
sweat pants and briefs and next thing she had my dick down her throat. Ningi
gave the best head, it's like she went to school for it.
Me: "Aaahhh shit!!!" I exploded in her mouth.
Ningi: "No one does it like me baby." She took her things and left. Sex wasn't
everything, I confirmed that, that day. After she left I was still a lonely man. From
that day I vowed to a sex sabbatical or celibacy if we want to be formal. I needed
to think things through and refocus on certain things.
THINGO
Life in the City of Gold has been nothing short of amazing. I am happy and Hlanga
makes sure I am nothing but a happy girl. The last time I felt that kind of love was
when my mother was alive. Aunt Nomusa was right, I was a brat when I first came
to stay with them but still she had no right to treat me like a slave. I appreciated
everything Aunt Nomusa taught me good or bad because I now I knew the
difference between unconditional love and conditional. I thank God everyday for
conspiring and leading me to that party that night because my life would’ve
turned out differently. About fully giving myself to Hlanga, I wasn’t lying I had
issues and I needed to sort them out first. I know he didn’t see me as a charity
case but I felt like one and I needed not to feel like one so I can become the wife
he deserved. So everything was dependent on me getting my degree and making
a name for myself. I know you thinking 3 years is a long time for him to just wait
and you are probably right but it was where my head was at and I couldn’t change
it. The second thing was I still had questions about were my father’s whereabouts
and the thought of Hlanga abandoning me or us after we have kids always crept
in. I am sure my mother didn’t see herself as a single parent and also thinking of
Uncle Sithelo. He was hardly home and he threw money at my aunt. That is not
the life I wanted for myself, so I was still studying Hlanga’s habits. To fully give in I
had to know what I was getting myself into. What I liked and appreciated about
him is that he didn’t rush or force me to be something I wasn’t or tried and
change anything about myself. My life with Hlanga was complicated even though
we chose not to acknowledge that. Turns out I chose the right weekend to insist
on Hlanga and I to go back home because there was a ceremony at one of his
uncles and I needed to be there to help out with the cooking and do my makoti
duties. Being a Zulu wife had its pressures and my level of doubt about marrying
Hlanga went from 30% to 100% the minutes his family started hitting up my
phone. I didn’t even have their numbers but it seemed like they had mine.
Me: “I still don’t understand why we had to take my car.”
Hlanga: “You’ll be driving back alone, I have to be in Richards Bay from Saturday.
I’ll be there for a week so I didn’t want to inconvenience you because you’ll be
staying longer than me.” I looked at him, sometimes Hlanga just did things
without asking where I stood or my feelings about it.
Me: “And you are telling me this now? Hlanga you know how I feel about long
distance driving.”
Hlanga: “Baby I know but you’ll be driving down without me quite a lot so just get
used to it.” He kissed my forehead and took our bags out from the boot and took
them to our room, he was done with that conversation. I made my way into the
main house.
Ma: “Oh they remembered that they have parents.” I was a bit embarrassed. I
hadn’t seen them in 6 months even though we spoke on the phone
Me: “Siyaxolisa ma (We are sorry).” I really felt bad.
Hlanga: “Don’t let her guilt trip you she’s good at it.” His mother laughed
Ma: “Niyaphila zingane zam (are you good)?” She stood up for a hug. We grouped
hugged
Us: “Siyaphila ma. Ninjan nina? (We are good, how are you doing)”
Ma: “Siyaphila nathi. uMaZungu ungifonele kanzima kabi ethi ufuna inumber
yakho (We are good. MaZungu called me demanding your phone number).”
Me: “Ufonile engitsela ngomcimbi anayo kule weekend (She called informing me
about some ceremony).”
Ma: “Impela so we have to drive down Friday morning so we can go lend a hand
because the ceremony is on Saturday.”
Hlanga: “Umcimbi wani lowo? (What is the ceremony about)”
Ma: “Umhlonyane kaTholi. (Tholi's coming of age ceremony)” He nodded but you
could tell he didn’t care.
Me: “Hawu usenziwa umhlonyane? (Is it still a thing)” I was really shocked,
Hlanga’s family was really traditional. It was basically a sweet 16.
Ma: “KwaMthethwa uyenziwa. Usiko into yabo (Yes. It's tradition with the
Mthethwas)” I nodded
Hlanga: “I am going to meet baba at the farm.” Ma and I nodded. He was really
close with his parents but even closer with his father. He took the car keys and
left.
Me: “Maybe I should get started on dinner, he is going to come back ready to eat
us.” Ma laughed
Ma: “He is just like his father. They love food and they hate waiting.” She was
right, Hlanga was cranky and impatient when he was hungry. I stood up and went
to the kitchen since we were at the sitting room.
Me: “Should I make tea?”
Ma: “Please.” She was just like aunty Nomusa when it came to tea. I plugged the
kettle and I took out the condiments and I set it up nicely in front of her. I rinsed
her favourite mug with hot water and gave it to her. “Just they way I like it. I am
impressed.” I just smiled. I spent 6 months with this woman and I picked up on
her habits. I went to back to preparing supper. “So how is school? Nihlalisene
kahle? (Are you treating each other well?)” I poured the hot water
Me: “School is great, challenging but I am enjoying it.” I said smiling “And
siphethene kahle noNyambose (We are treating each other well).” She just smiled
with a nod. It was true, I was at a good place.
Ma: “I can see ugcwele kule ngubo (you seem to have gained weight).” I stopped
chopping and looked at myself. I was gaining my weight back but I didn’t think it
was so obvious. “Umkhaba noma uzethwele (Is it a belly or you pregnant).” I
looked at her shook,
Me: “Its just weight gain ma.”
Ma: “Okay that’s good. I mean I want grandkids and a lot of them but you are still
in school and a child will be a distraction.” Can she tell that to her son? I
understood though, Hlanga was turning 33 years guys and he wasn’t getting any
younger but I wasn’t in the right state of mind to mother a child and after Anathi I
was fine. I just wanted to live my life and be happy
Me: “Don’t worry we’ll give you so many grandkids that you’ll ask us to stop.” She
just laughed. I was on the stove now. I was cooking chicken stew with veggies and
pap. The Mthethwas ate pap with everything, rice was hardly eaten and I happen
to prefer it.
Ma: “I would like to see it happen than I will decide.” She was still laughing. She
was a kind soul. She was the mother figure I had been longing for. After some
time Banele came in followed by another girl.
Nele: “Siphosethu!” she came to hug me. Hugging was a thing in this family “Uphi
ubhuti. (Wheres Hlanga?)”
Me: “Unjan Banele?”
Nele: “Oh sorry. Ngyaphila unjan wena? But I can see you good. the curves are
back.” I was so embarrassed.
Me: “Cela ungang stress. Sisi unjan?” I was looking at the stranger.
Ma: “Oh konje you are still new in this family. This is Sanele, my brother’s child.”
Me: ‘Its nice to meet you Sanele.”
Sanele: “Nam ngijabulela ukukwaz sisi.( I am pleased to meet you)”
Nele: “You came alone?” wow this girl loved her brother
Me: “He is at the farm.” She nodded and went to the fridge.
Sanele: “Do you need any help sisi?”
Me: “No I am good, I am almost done.” As I was busy washing the dishes, Hlanga
and his dad made it into the kitchen as well. I was decent, you know long dress
that covered my knees and my head and shoulders were covered as well. I did say
being a Zulu wife was pressure. I couldn’t imagine Bokang doing all these things if
she were to marry Lonhle.
Baba: “I smell food and I am starving.”
Me: “I will start dishing up.” I looked at him and bowed a little “Baba ninjan?(How
are you doing?)”
Baba: “Siyaphila makoti. Nihambe kahle (We are good, how was the trip?).”
Me: “Kahle kakhulu baba (It was good).” He nodded. They left together with ma
and I was left with Banele and Sanele.
Me: “Guys please help me with taking warm water so they could wash their hands
while I dish up.” Sanele took the dish and filled it with warm water and a little
soap and I took out the plates and started dishing up. Banele served them and her
and Sanele came back for their food and went to the sitting room. My food wasn’t
going to go down nicely if I went to eat with the family. Hlanga’s father had that
aura about him. Hlanga assured me that he was harmless but I respected the man
and I just couldn’t be my normal self in his presence. Instead I cleaned the
kitchen. I dished up my food and started packing what was left over in containers
and I put it aside while it cooled down before I put it in the fridge.
Hlanga: “Please don’t tell me you are starving yourself again.” What did he mean I
was starving myself “You get so busy that you forget to eat.” I showed him my
plate and he went to take it and forced me to sit down “Now eat.” Fighting him
sometimes was pointless. He was a man who got his way and it ended there. He
watched me eat
Me: “You didn’t have to be dramatic, I was going to eat after I had washed the
dishes.”
Hlanga: “Angith you cooked bese uBanele no Sanele benzen?” I was still eating
while he talked. Hlanga worried too much guys.
Me: “Have you forgotten that I am umakoti here.”
Hlanga: “That doesn’t mean be a slave. You are here to help not take over.” I
nodded. I cleared my plate. After sometime Sanele started with the dishes while
Banele wiped and packed them.
Me: “I think I am ready for bed. Its been a long day.” We stood up “Goodnight
guys.”
Them: “Goodnight sisi.” We went to the lounge
Hlanga: “Sesiyolala bantu abadala.(we are going to bed)”
Ma: “Nilale kahle (goodnight).” We left them. I took a shower and he chose to join
me. He makes me turn around and look at him. He is having a moment, I wish I
knew what he was thinking about. There were times that he just stared at me at
first it was weird but I eventually got used to it. I was getting used to being naked
in front of him and visa versa. I chose to kiss him, he responded slowly. His hands
made it to my ass and he bought me closer to him. I felt his erected penis on my
stomach, the man was gifted. We stopped and let the water hit our bodies. My
weave was wet by then. He took my loafer and poured shower gel and washed
my body and I took it and I poured more gel and washed his hairy chest. Hlanga’s
body was something else, I made him turn around and I washed his back and we
rinsed in silence. He came in for a kiss again and I allowed his tongue in and it
danced against mine. I felt the same feeling I felt the day he fingered me.
Mushiness, I googled about it and it turns out It meant I was turned on and I was
reacting to Hlanga’s touch.
Me: “mmmh.” That noise always comes out when I am enjoying the kiss. I loved
everything Hlanga did to me. It was foreign feelings of pure pleasure. He took my
hand and made me touch his erected penis. I moved my hand away immediately.
Hlanga: “Don’t be scared to touch it. Its still me.” His voice was a bit husky. I
placed my hand voluntarily but my hands were shakey. He placed his hand on top
of mine. He made me rub on it. He had his eyes closed and he was taking deep
breaths. It look like he was enjoying it. I picked up the pace and my rubbing got
rough. “aaaah!! Fuck!!” he grabbed my ass pulling me closer to him and kissed me
roughly. His tongue was done my throat “Shit!!! Faster baby.” I obeyed he pulled
away and he sprayed white stuff on my hands and thighs. He looked at me smiling
“Those are your kids.” I was shook and he laughed “Come let me clean you up.”
He did the whole process of cleaning me up again. “Thank you baby.” We kissed
Me: “You liked it.” He nodded with a smile, he was so handsome “Okay.” We got
out the shower and we dried ourselves. As we were putting on lotion I made the
mistake of dropping the roll-on. I picked it up and my ass ran against his naked
thigh and his penis was up again. Wow! Was this normal? I covered myself with a
towel and he removed it and made me lie down on the bed. We kissed again and
the kiss got deep and things where heating up again. He sucked on my boobs and
that cause me to get wet down there. “mmh!!” it was an amazing feeling guys. He
opened my legs and looked at my shaved vagina. Nolwazi introduced me to
waxing. He was smiling.
Hlanga: “Had I known, I would’ve done this sooner. It's perfect!” What was he
talking about? I was a bit embarrassed. I tried to close my thighs but he pulled
them apart. He laid on top of me and started kissing me. I was scared I wasn’t in
the shelter of the shower now. He touched my clit and I was dripping wet by than.
He rubbed on it gently causing me to open my legs wider
Me: “Aaah Nyambose.” I cried. He kissed me again and pressed my thighs
together, he forced his huge penis in my tiny thigh gap but I pushed him off.
Hlanga: “Baby I wont go in. I just want to feel it. Ngyacela Thingo lwam” he kissed
me. His eyes were so small. Sex was a powerful thing. Hlangalezwe Mthethwa was
pleading and using words like please and ngyakucela. I think I had found his
weakness, it was going to work for me later on. I opened up a little he rubbed his
penis again. We had just showered and already he was sweating, he pressed my
legs together with his knees and his hands on my shoulders. He grinded and
moved faster “Thingo lwam!!” he was groaning and he stopped. He had left
another load of our kids on my thighs. He took a towel and wiped the both of us.
He pulled me up to his chest and I rested my head. We were still naked
“Ngyakthanda nkosazane.” I looked at him and I went back to playing with his
chest hair
Me: “Nyambose will you be okay with it if you tell me how you feel. I kiss or hug
you as a sign of acknowledgement.” He made me look at him.
Hlanga: “I can work with that.” I didn’t waste time. I kissed him. “Okay lets rest, I
have an early morning tomorrow.”
Me: “How early?”
Hlanga: “5:30am” I had to be up before that. We got under the covers and we
slept. Hlanga was a cuddler guys.
Me: “Okay. Goodnight.” I set an alarm for 5:00am.
Hlanga: “Goodnight baby.” He kissed my shoulder and it was lala land for us.
======
I woke up before 5 minutes before my alarm and I switched it off. I went to brush
my teeth and wash my face and went to prepare breakfast in the main house. My
father in law was a big fan of a greasy breakfast so I was there making bacon and
eggs, sausages with grilled tomatoes and whatever is served for breakfast. After
some time ma came down dressed in her everyday dress “Iphinifa”
Ma: “Yaz wena makoti. You are everything.” I was almost done with breakfast
Me: “Ninjan ma?”
Ma: “Where are my manners? Siyaphila ntombi.”
Me: “Should I make tea?” she smiled and nodded. I pugged the kettle “I wanted
ubaba to eat before they left.”
Ma: “Better you than me. They were going to eat cereal its too early to be frying
things.” I laughed and I gave her tea set
Me: “Im going to wake uNyambose up then I will come back to dish up for
ubaba.”
Ma: “Khululeka ntombi I’ll take over here. I might even take the credit because he
is going to be happy. You made all his favourite things.”
Me: “Those are my points, haibo ma.” We laughed
Ma: “Can we at least share it.” I laughed and left her. I went back to the room and
he was still sleeping. I googled for ways please my husband without going all the
way. I was there researching about giving head and pleasures men might like at 5
in the morning just imagine. I wondered how my life got so interesting. But I
couldn’t let Hlanga do everything, I had to play my part as well. You know initiate
things and make him happy like he was when I gave him a handjob. The
Cosmopolitan site was very insightful and thorough. He was still naked in bed, I
took off my dress and got naked too. I wasn’t wearing underwear.
Me: “Baby.” I shook him and he jumped up. He was a soldier no lie. The tiniest
sounds woke him up
Hlanga: “Morning.” I kissed him, I didn’t mind his morning breath and he
responded. My hand made it down to his erect penis. I stopped and looked at him
“What? He is a happy guy around you, I cant control him.” He had a smirk on his
face. I shut it down by kissing him hungrily. His hands went down to my African
honeypot while mine was back at touching his penis. I started rubbing and
squeezing a little. Cosmo said I should tease him just to make things interesting.
The making out session was on fire. I stopped kissing his lips and went down to
the lump on his shoulder down to his chest. He was smiling I could feel him. He
kept on playing with my boobs. I finally got to his huge penis. How was this thing
going to fit in my mouth? “Baby you don’t have to do that.”
Me: “Ssshh you are ruining the moment.” I focused and recalled everything I read
and tips from other readers. . Slowly tracing my tongue on the tip and around and
occasionally sucking on it.
Hlanga: “Aaaa baby!!” he was a bit loud. But I needed that to know that I was on
the right track. I started sucking like I was sucking a lollipop making sure my teeth
don’t get in the way. “Fuck Thingo!!” I decreased my pace and I went back to just
playing with the tip and tracing my tongue. “Thingo lwam put it inside.” He
commanded “You are killing me baby!!” I ignored him and just gave him a
handjob instead. I looked at him and his eyes were so red. “Baby please or I will
take you now.”
Me: “Threats really?” He just decided to take my head and place my mouth in
front of his hard penis. I giggled, he was really an impatient man. I started sucking
like my life depended on it. “Thingo lwam!!! Aaaaah” he held on tight to my
weave. I made that pop sound and went back harder because he was close to his
climax. “Baby Damn it!!! I love you!!” he groaned. I went faster and gagging a
little “Aaaahh!! Fuck!! Fuck!!” he released his load in my mouth. It was tasteless,
slimy but tasteless. Went to the bathroom to rinse my mouth and came back with
a towel and found him facing up still catching his breath. I wiped his penis. “Are
you good?”
Hlanga: “Is it wrong to expect such pleasure from you every morning.” I laughed.
Me: “Expecting it might be a stretch but its available for whenever I feel like you
deserve it.”
Hlanga: “So what made you feel I deserve it today?”
Me: “Lets see, you love me and you are just great.” We smiled at each other.
Hlanga: “That means I will be getting it everyday. I mean I will love you until I die
and greatness is who I am.” We laughed
Me: ‘You are too much Hlanga.” Than my phone decided to interrupt our
moment. It was Menzi. The guy couldn’t accept that I was married. I just ignored
it.
Hlanga: “Why didn’t you answer it? It could be important.”
Me: “Its not.”
Hlanga: “How do you know? Who is it?” he wasn’t going to let it go. So I told him
about Menzi’s deal how I know him “How did he get your number?”
Me: “I gave it to him at Bheka’s party.” his face had already changed. He got off
the bed and went to take a shower. I made the bed and cleaned around the room
and he came back while I was still busy. “I made breakfast.” He just nodded, his
face was still of an angry person “Hlanga did I do something wrong?”
Hlanga: “I don’t know Siphosethu, you tell me if its okay to give a man your
number. A man who is able to call you so early in the morning.” While he was still
talking, the son of a bitch called again “I am not sure if its you who is disrespectful
or him. No actually it is you, you don’t acknowledge our marriage that’s why I
have such idiots interrupting my time with you.” He finished dressing up “I will
see you later.” He took his phone and left. I did say giving Menzi my number was a
bad idea. I went to take a shower and I got dressed in a wool turtle-neck long
dress with ugg boots, it was June and the weather wasn’t nice. I went to the main
house. I found Hlanga and his father leaving for the farm. He didn’t even
acknowledge my presence guys. How was this all my fault? I don’t control Menzi
and what he does.

»15«
AZANDE
Mxo: "What happened to you last night, I woke up and you were gone." I needed
to come up with a lie and fast!
Me: "My landlord called something about a gas leak and I didn't want to wake you
up." How was I to explain to him that I ran away because of his sex game?
Mxo: "Oh is everything okay?" There was worry on his voice.
Me: "Its sorted. What brings you here?" I had to end the conversation. He came
to see me at work by the way.
Mxo: "I came to take you out for lunch. That's if you haven't eaten." He really
cares yaz. Maybe I can overlook what happened last night. Yeah I am overlooking
it and blaming it on first night anxiety. I mean the relationship is still new and we
are learning and getting to know each other, right? "So are you available?" He
was playing with his eyebrows. He was really good-looking.
Me: "Let me go get my handbag." He nodded smiling and I smiled back. He sat
down at the waiting room. I took my things and he drove us to a shisa nyama and
I was there already with a watery mouth because I loved braai meat. They took
our order and we went to find a comfortable place to sit.
Me: "This is a really nice place. I like it." It was nice, the vibe was great and it
seemed popular judging by the crowd and since it was a Saturday.
Mxo: "Me too, their meat is the best. It looks like our meat is ready." He stood up
and went to fetch it and came with pap, tomato relish and chakalaka as well and
we ate.
Me: "I'll go get us something to drink. What do you want?"
Mxo: "Coke is fine."
Me: "Okay." I bought myself Stoney and Coke for my man, I couldn't believe it. He
was my boyfriend and we met at a club. I have always believed that relationships
that started at a club or a party have a little to 0 chance of survival because
there's alcohol and we don't have all our senses that time but things were looking
really good for us. I really liked Mxolisi, he was gentleman but he wasn't big on
public display of affection (PDA) and I was a sucker for it. I was into hand holding
and kissing in public, I saw no problem with it.
Mxo: "My friends and I have this annual get away thing that we do and this year
we decided to make it a couple's thing." I was just looking him, where was this
going? "As my girlfriend, if you interested of course I'd like us to go." I was
skeptical, I had never met his friends before and now we were going on a
weekend getaway. Wasn't it too early?
Me: "Where's this getaway?"
Mxo: "Mpumalanga. Baby I'd really like us to go, you'll get to meet my friends and
we'll have fun together and don't worry about the expenses they're on me."
Me: "Okay. I'll first see if I am not working that weekend."
Mxo: "Great." We carried on eating and chatting. Mxolisi bought out the best in
me, I was there laughing til tears came out because of the jokes he was telling me.
But he had to take me back to work, my lunch break was only an hour.
Me: "Thank you so much for lunch."
Mxo: "You welcome." We looked at each other. He reached over for a kiss and I
loved every minute of it. He was a good kisser. He stopped and just looked at me.
"Ngyakthanda Azande." Wow! I didn't see that coming. It had only been two
months but I felt it too.
Me: "Ngyakthanda nam Mxolisi" We kissed again and it was passionate. He was
getting carried away even. "I have to go now."
Mxo: "Okay. I'll see you later baby."
Me: "Okay." I actually didn't want to leave and it looked like he didn't want me to
leave either because he was still holding me by my waist. "Please don't hurt me
Mxolisi." I was really feeling him and I was losing myself to him.
Mxo: "That's the last thing I want to do nana. I love you Azande and I just want to
make you happy." I blushed and I kissed him.
Me: "I'll see you later I guess."
Mxo: "I am working the night shift today so tomorrow."
Me: "Okay" we hugged and I left smiling. Working the weekend is so lame, that's
when all the fun staff happens but no here I was giving patients their medication
and staff, mxm.
=====
Mxo: "Would you relax. You look amazing Zande. Baby you are going to make us
late yaz." I chose to ignore him and carried on applying my makeup and checking
if my weave was on point. I was a girl who spent 10 minutes in the shower and an
hour in front of the mirror.
Me: "Baby you never get a second chance at a great first impression, and we all
know it starts with an outfit." He laughed at me "I don't know why you laughing, I
am meeting your friends for the first time and I want their judgement to be
good."
Mxo: "You worry too much. My friends are crazy and unruly. They'll only care
about if I am taking care of you or not." I smiled
Me: "You are taking care of me and my heart." I think he was blushing
Mxo: "Tell them that please." I nodded smiling, I really loved him and he made me
so happy. "Oh my brother is joining us as well by the way." What?
Me: "Should I be worried?" He laughed, I think it was because of my facial
expression
Mxo: "A little, whatever happens this weekend he'll go and report back to my
parents, but my parents are harmless man." I was over this conversation because
I kinda felt pressured in some way
Me: "Okay. I think I am ready to leave." Our bags were already in the car. We
drove off to Mpumalanga. The ride was great. We were there singing and
laughing. Vusi Nova Ngikuthandile came on and my boyfriend turned up the
volume
Mxo: "Thatha nansi inhliziyo yam, uyi phathe nje nge qanda." He was so bad and I
just laughed
Me: "Baby singing is not your strongest point. Stick to catching bad guys please."
We laughed
Mxo: "I am being romantic and serenading my woman hawu, kant yini?" He
leaned over and kissed me while he was driving. "Ngyakthanda man baby." I
blushed and giggled "Sthandwa angenzi ngabomu, ngyazthandela lapha kuwe!!" It
was as if I was listening to a broken record but I loved every minute of it.
Me: "I love you too Detective Sibeko." He chuckled. I placed my hand on top of his
and he took it and kissed it. I was in love guys ngyavuma!! We got to a lodge and
it look like we were late because people were already there drinking and eating.
The introductions happened with the friends
Mxo: "Baby this is my best friend Nokuzola but Zola is just fine."
Me: "This is the famous Zola?" He nodded. She was a girl and a pretty one at that,
Mxolisi didn't say anything about her being female. It was always Zola this, Zola
and I went out drinking. I always thought Zola was a guy.
Zola: "Nice to meet you Azande, I have heard so much about you?" We hugged
Me: "Nice things I hope." They laughed
Mxo: "Of course. We've been together for a while now and I am still waiting for
the other shoe to drop." I didn't understand "Baby you are flawless, perfect
even." We kissed with the man and I was blushing. Mxolisi was the perfect
boyfriend in my books. He cared and he paid attention to me.
Zola: "See only good things." We laughed and mingle with the rest. They were
really a great crowd. They were crazy like Mxolisi was. They were successful too I
saw with the cars and their clothes. They all came with their wives or girlfriends.
Zola was single, apparently she had just gotten out of a complicated relationship.
Mxo: "That's my big brother Muzi and his wife Wandisa." We shook hands and the
wife hugged me. Mxo and Muzi didn't look alike but their voices sounded the
same.
Muzi: "Its nice to meet you makoti." Hawu already?
Me: "Likewise." We chilled until after lunch and decided to move things to the
pool but I needed to change my outfit first. We went to our room and our bags
were already there. I changed my outfit and got into a loose short summer dress
and slops. Mxo was on his phone this whole time. A knock came in, I went to
check it out.
Me: "Can I help you?" It was one of the staff members from the lodge.
Man: "Yes, Mr Sibeko said to alert him when the suppliers came and they're here
mam." What, why would he want to see the suppliers?
Me: "Okay, he's on the phone now but I'll tell him."
Man: "Thank you." He left and I closed the door
Mxo: "Who was that?"
Me: "Some guy, uthi the suppliers are here."
Mxo: "Okay, let me go attend to them."
Me: "Why?"
Mxo: "Because I own the lodge baby and I am not happy with their service."
Shocked!! "I will be quick so we can join the rest." We kissed, its like he was
avoiding the bomb, he just dropped. "I love you in this dress. Mmm the things I
am going to do to your body." I tensed up. We haven't had sex since that last
encounter because of our busy schedules. My new job title came with a lot of
responsibility like they had said.
Me: "I can't wait." I said seductively. And we kissed, stopped him "You owe me an
explanation though." He sighed.
Mxo: "I know. Let me go deal with the suppliers and we'll talk."
Me: "Okay I'll be by the pool."
Mxo: "Okay" he left and I took my straw hat and phone and left. I found everyone
there, it was a black people thing for real because we were all just sitting by the
pool chairs drinking and not swimming. Some of the wives had their feet in the
water while some were there just to take pictures. The wives and girlfriends were
really warming up to me. Mxo had 4 guy friends and Zola. Only 2 of them were
married. Their wives were Sizakele(Siza), Phumulile(Phumi) and the girlfriends
were Primrose and Tsolo.
Siza: "Omw girl, you have such beautiful skin"
Tsolo: "You are just a beautiful big girl."
Me: "Thank you I guess. A lot goes into the maintenance of this skin hay."
Siza: "Tips, tips girl." I laughed at the way she said it.
Me: "I'll show you the products I use it to keep it so rejuvenated." I said blowing
my own horn. We laughed.
Tsolo: "Please, I am also interested."
Zola: "It doesn't take much to have perfect skin, I don't see the big deal."
Rose: "You don't have our problems so please." She really didn't have our
problems. Her skin was spotless and she had no makeup on since we got there.
Later we had a braai and music was pumping, I was getting drunk but I needed my
senses for later so I stopped myself.
Mxo: "Are you still good?"
Me: "I am perfect and you?"
Mxo: "I am great. I am happy you are here." He was smiling, I can't get over how
good-looking he was.
Me: "I am happy too. I am having so much fun." We kissed, he was warming up to
PDA. One by one the couples disappeared "I think we should leave as well."
Mxo: "Okay let me check on Zola then we'll go." I was a little bit jealous, part of
me felt I will forever compete with Zola. He came back and we left for our room.
He was already touchy and breathing heavily on our way to our room. By the time
we got to our room we were already kissing and feeling each other. I decided to
take charge and take things at my own pace because it was like the man was in a
rush to somewhere I don't know. I kissed him nice and slowly while taking off his
shirt. He was going with the flow, that made me happy because he slowly helped
me out of my dress then later my bra. He didn't waste time playing with boobs
and that got me excited because I started leaving wet soft kisses on his bare
chest. "Baby, I want you now." He said in a husky voice.
Me: "Take me baby." He didn't waste time, he threw me on the bed and dropped
his pants and tore my lace panty. He positioned himself properly in between my
legs and we kissed while he slowly penetrated me "Mmm"
Mxo: "Aaahh fuck!!" He's thrusts were amazing that day. He went in and out
harder and faster. I was in my zone as well
Me: "BABY!! BABY!!" I was slowly getting to my happy place. "Faster baby aaaah
yes."
Mxo: "Ngyakthanda Azande!!! Shit!! Shit!!" And he came. And slowly pulled out
and and rested next to me. I was so disappointed and a bit hurt. What about my
happy ending? "Baby you are always great." He kissed me "I love you Azande
never doubt that."
Me: "Baby I didn't come." I said in a low tone.
Mxo: "I am sorry baby, the next round is just for you. Kuth nawe baby umnandi
kakhulu. I cant help myself." Wow! This wasn't a complement at all. "You want us
to go again?" I nodded and I went in for a kiss while my hand went to his dick and
it was flaccid. Maye!! There was a problem here, it was clear now
Me: "Baby what's happening?"
Mxo: "Let's concentrate on foreplay and it will stand again."
Me: "Okay." We kissed and he fingered me but no young Mxo wasn't barging
whenever I touched him.
Mxo: "Maybe you should play with it, it will get hard" he was frustrated and part
of me pitied him. I took his suggestion and gave him a handjob and nothing
happened, I didn't know what I was doing honestly. I just didn't want to
disappoint him. "Fuck!!!" He pushed me aside and went to dress up by the
balcony. I found my gown and went to him
Me: "Baby." I was a bit scared of him
Mxo: "I'd like to be alone Azande."
Me: "Okay." I went back to the room. He came and took his car keys, phone and
left. I waited for him but I eventually dosed off. Mxolisi disappeared the whole
weekend. He asked his brother to drive me back to Joburg because he had a work
crisis. He was ignoring all my calls and texts. At some point I asked myself why
was I pushing so much? I mean I didn't do anything wrong here and to what
extent was I willing to take this because it was clear that my man was a 2 minute
noodle type of man. Mxolisi was a perfect boyfriend but he failed at meeting my
sexual needs. Now it was time to weigh my options and introspect. Was I in it for
the great sex or was I in it to build?
THINGO
Hlanga wasn't talking to me that morning and I wasn't okay with that.
Ma: “I was thinking we should bake scones and muffins just to help out at the
ceremony.” I was seated eating in the kitchen.
Me: “Okay. Should I go buy igredients or zikhona (We have them)?”
Ma: “We have to go buy but I have a church meeting in an hour and it might take
a while.”
Me: “No it's fine ma. I will go just give me a list of things to buy.”
Ma: “Okay take oBanele with you.” I nodded. I started writing everything down
“Imali, you can just take my card.”
Me: “No khululeka ma. I will buy everything.” She nodded I went to Banele’s room
and I told her our plans.
Banele: “Can we go buy in Durban. Please Siphosethu, I need these other
sneakers and they are only at Gateway.”
Me: “Sure. Get ready ke guys because we have to come back and bake.” They
nodded and I left. I wasn’t fine, Hlanga and I weren’t fine and the annoying part is
that is all because of Menzi. I decided to call Bheka.
Me: “Sho ntwana.”
Bheka: “Whats up MaMthethwa.” I told him everything, I was a bit panicked “I
don’t blame the guy. Why would you give a guy who clearly was into you from
high school your number whereas you have a man, a husband for that matter? Or
are you leaving your options open in case your marriage fails?”
Me: “You know its not like that Bheka.”
Bheka: “That’s what I’d think. Tee I, as your friend never have I called you at odd
hours because I know our friendship is not ideal especially to the crazy person you
married. So imagine how he felt when some guy calls at 5 in the morning. Why
would he do that, for who? To him he probably thought you didn’t even tell him
that you are married.”
Me: “Maybe you have a point.”
Bheka: “I do. Tee you not like us single bees. You don’t have the freedom we
have. So you need to choose your crowd properly and limit the number of people
who have your number.” He was right, I was married to him at the end of the day
so I needed to carry myself in that manner.
Me: “Thanks for the talk buddy. I miss you.”
Bheka: “I know I miss you too. I am going to be in Durban some time next week,
maybe we can meet up.”
Me: “id really like that. Let me go we’ll talk Neh.”
Bheka: “Sharp ntwana.” We hung up. He was my buddy this one. Him and I spoke
about everything and he was right. He respected my marriage and only did things
that Hlanga would approve of. I took my car keys and I drove to my Aunt’s. We
were family and just because I was married it didn’t mean I was going to desert
them plus Aya was there.
Aya: “OMG!! Tee!!” she ran and we hugged. She was still the same. “When did
you get here?”
Me: “Yesterday. Lets go inside.” We did and Snothi and my Aunt were watching tv
“Sanibonani.” Anathi ran to me and I picked her up. She had grown so much.
Snothi: “Mzala.”
A.N: “Yebo ntombi. Unjan umendo (Hows marriage life)?”
Me: “Konke kusa hamba kahle (Everything is great). Aunt bengicela ningiboleka
uAyabonga (Can I borrow).”
Snothi: “Haibo umsaphi (Where are you taking her)?”
Me: “I am going to Durban and I didn’t want drive alone.”
A.N: “Hayi Kulungile (Its fine).”
Me: “Ngyabonga. Hambo geza Aya (Thank you. Go bath).” She ran. “So injan
impilo (How's life)? Nimngcine nini umalume (When last did you see uncle)?”
A.N: “Siyaphila khona (Life is good). Kade ekhona 2 weeks back.” I nodded
Me: “Ukhulile wena man (You have grown so much!!” I was playing with Anathi
who was just glued to me, I guess the bond was still there.
Snothi: “Hayi ukhulile ngempela (She really has grown). So hows jozi mzala.”
Me: “Its great. So wena mzala what are you doing this year?”
Snothi: “Hayi mina mzala ngisahleli (I am taking a break), I am tired of school.”
Me: “Oh okay. call me if you need anything.”
Snothi: “I will. Uphi uSbari (Where's my brother-in-law)?”
Me: “Ukhona (He's around).” Aya came dressed and ready to go “Uready?” she
nodded “Sonibona masibuya (We'll see you when we come back).”
Them: “Okay.”
Snothi: “Bring us something nice.”
Me: “Okay.” things were just awkward with my family. I couldn’t even talk to
them about my marital problems because they might just use them against me.
We got in the car and we drove back to Hlanga’s “So how have you been?” I
missed her even though we spoke everyday.
Aya: “I have been fine. I miss you Tee. Things are just not the same.”
Me: “I know baby, I miss you too. You still want to visit Jozi? We can go maybe
next week.”
Aya: “Of course I want to visit. I was a bit sad to hear that you coming because
that meant no aeroplane for me.” I laughed, we loved flying with my cousin.
Me: “That’s how I felt when we drove instead of flying.” We got in the house and
they were ready “Asambeni girls.” We got in the car and we drove to Durban. This
whole time I was quiet thinking about Hlanga and I’s fight in the morning
Nele: “Hey Aya. Unjan girl?”
Aya: “I am good, its been a minute.”
Nele: “I know I last saw you at the wedding.” She nodded “This is my cousin
Sanele.”
Aya: “Nice to meet you mzala.” They laughed. Sanele was a quiet girl unlike Aya
and Banele. I drove us to Gateway and Banele and the rest went through every
store. Banele and Sanele had money so I had to step in for Aya. I didn’t want her
to feel left out. I bought her whatever she wanted while I bought things for
Hlanga mostly. I decided to call him because he wasn’t going to call me first when
I was in the wrong.
Hlanga: “Mthethwa hello.” he did that on purpose. I had my own ringtone and a
caller ID.
Me: “Nyambose I am sorry. I am dying here.”
Hlanga: “I am dying as well Siphosethu. I cant even concentrate with what I am
doing here. Let alone think about our session this morning because it gets
disturbed by that idiot.” I smiled a bit
Me: “I know and I am sorry Nyambose. I shouldn’t have given him my number
because his intentions have always been clear.”
Hlanga: “Its not that I don’t trust you Thingo lwam. Its those boys I don’t trust
around you because I have no control over them.” His control issues needed an
intervention. But he was an army man and control is what they are taught.
Me: “I have blocked his number Nyambose, I don’t think he should be a problem
after that.”
Hlanga: “Okay, I am glad to hear that. But before I forgive you, I have two
conditions.”
Me: “Anything as long as I have you talking to me again.” He chuckled
Hlanga: “Trust me it was the hardest thing I had to do. I don’t know how many
times I stopped myself from calling you.” I smiled
Me: “So what are the conditions?”
Hlanga: “You just have to wait and see.” With that the girls said they are ready to
leave the shop “Haibo nikuphi kant Siphosethu (Where are you)?”
Me: “Gateway. Banele insisted I buy the baking ingredients here.”
Hlanga: “Oh okay. Hurry and come back, I miss you.”
Me: “Okay.” we hung up. We went to Checkers and we bought 2 trollies worth of
things. I decided to buy groceries as well for my aunt and ma. We drove back to
Tongaat and I dropped Aya off and left the groceries for them.
A.N: “Siyabonga Thingo.”
Me: “It’s a pleasure. Aunt is it okay if Aya comes and visits me in Johannesburg for
the holidays?”
Snothi: “Haibo nami mzala (me too). Niyathanda ukungishiya (You two like leaving
me behind). Uyakhohlwa ukuth (Don't forget) you met usbari (Hlanga) because of
me.” Wow she sure does know how ruin someone’s mood.
Me: “We’ll talk because I am still around. Nisale kahle (goodbye).” I left and we
drove back home. Ma was back, she had already cooked so I didn’t need to worry
about that. We went on with the baking. Sanele was so much help, Banele was a
lazy bum. The baking went on for hours until Hlanga came back. I was still busy
cleaning up after baking and Ma gave them food. After a while Lonhle got in with
his cousin, the one who drove us to Durban once. Turns out he was Sanele’s older
brother and his name was Sandile.
Lonhle: “Yabona wena umakoti ngempela (You are a true makoti). Kwa ngcina nin
nje ukubhaka laykhaya (When last did you bake in this house).” I laughed and Ma
was so bored
Ma: “Ngzokshaya Mpilonhle(I'll beat you)"
Lonhle: “I am joking olady. I missed you and your drama.” he laughed. He liked
pressing his mother's buttons.
Ma: “angith aningfuni nonke iGauteng inigwinyile(You don't want me anymore,
Gauteng has swallowed all of you).” I laughed
Lonhle: “Here’s that drama I was talking about.” We were all laughing. I didn’t
find her dramatic, she was just a sweet caring woman.
Baba: “Asambeni bafana kmele siyohlaba phela (Let's go boys, we have to go
slaughter the cow).”
Me: “hawu ngale skhathi(At this time)?” it was early evening.
Hlanga: “Yeah we always slaughter after dark. To avoid flies and other things.” He
indicated that I should come to him. He led us to our room.
Me: “Is everything okay?” I needed to check if we were still fine.
Hlanga: “I am good.” he kissed and picked me up. I couldn’t wrap my legs around
him, my dress was a barrier “Just take if off.” We were still kissing.
Me: “I thought you were leaving.”
Hlanga: “Yeah you are right. But you owe me a very steamy make-up session.” I
nodded with a smile. He took a hoody and changed his shoes.
Me: “Wont you need overalls since you going to slaughter?”
Hlanga: “Yeah that’s a better idea because I will be all dirty making it hard to
remove the stains.” I nodded and I went to his cupboard I gave him his one piece.
“I will see you tomorrow. Please bring a set of clothes for me and toiletries.”
Me: “I bought you clothes today yaz.”
Hlanga: “Thank you baby, I will check them out when this is all done.” We kissed
again and he left. I wasn’t done cleaning up so I went back to the kitchen. Ma had
done almost everything.
Me: “What time are we leaving Ma?”
Ma: “Lets leave at 6:00 so we in time to help out with tea in the morning.” I
nodded we ate and I cleaned up and I went to bed. It had been a long day for me.
I dosed off the minute I put my head on the pillow. But the bed was somehow
empty, Hlanga had become a really big part of me. I missed his tight cuddles and
his heavy breathing. The next morning we indeed drove for Eshowe at 6:00am
and we got there just after 7am. It seemed like people were expecting me, I didn’t
understand why or was it because I was the new Mthethwa makoti? We served
tea with the scones we had baked and tripe with steamed bread. Hlanga was all
over me the minute he saw me. I served him his tripe and he force fed me
because he knew I hadn’t eaten. Whenever I was busy I couldn’t eat, I just forgot
about it. I gave him a bag with his clothes but he insisted we go together. I
watched him take a bath in a basin and he got dressed while I went to dispose of
the water. I came back and he was done and we took the dirty clothes to the car.
Me: “When you coming back here? Its so close to Richards Bay.”
Hlanga: “I know, I was thinking of not going back home.” I wasn’t ready for that “I
am serious baby, I have to meet up with people and we had said today.”
Me: “Hayi ngeke Nyambose. What about your clothes and stuff.”
Hlanga: “I can buy clothes anywhere. I will see you in Joburg.” I nodded even
though I was bothered “You look ugly when you are bothered. I want you smiling
all the time Siphosethu.” I laughed I wasn’t ready for that. “That’s better. Now go
be umakoti. I am still around.” We kissed and we went our separate ways. The
day went on as normal with me doing makoti duties with the other makotis. We
exchanged numbers and promised to be a little Mthethwa wives’ club. I was the
youngest in the club. Umhlonyana wasn’t a big thing like umemulo but the
Mthethwas were a big family so it seemed like it was big.
Me: “You remember we spoke about Aya visiting these holidays.” He nodded
“Well Snothi wants to come as well.” He was driving us to where he was going to
catch a taxi to Richards Bay.
Hlanga: “Okay.” he looked at me “Is there a problem?”
Me: “I don’t know maybe it’s the fact that I thought it will be just Aya and I or the
fact that she said that she is the reason you and I met so basically I cant leave her
behind.” He laughed and I didn’t see where the joke was.
Hlanga: “Well she is half right had you not gone to the party we wouldn’t be here
but also even if you did and you were enjoying it you probably wouldn’t have
wondered around the streets but she cant force you to do things you don’t want
to do.”
Me: “So you don’t mind if she comes? It is your house after all.”
Hlanga: “Siphosethu I hate it when you distance yourself from me.” I didn’t see
where I went wrong “We share that space together so its our house.” I nodded
“Say it.”
Me: “Its our house.”
Hlanga: “Good girl. And whatever you want to do, I am okay with it.” We had
arrived at the rank.
Me: “Okay.” we hugged
Hlanga: “I will call you when I get there.”
Me: “Promise?”
Hlanga: “With my life. I love you.” I kissed him and he got on the taxi and I drove
back to the place where the ceremony was. We cleaned up and later left with my
mother-in-law. Hlanga's mother was the best, nothing compared to my aunt. She
cared about me and my wellbeing. After spending six months with her and driving
with her that day, I admit that I cared deeply about her and the Mthethwa family.
They were really good people and wanted what was best for me. I was happy
about the drastic decision I made.
»15«
CONTINUED
THINGO
We ended up coming to Joburg with Snothi. Aya and I were so bored, she was
busy telling us about her time in Durban like we cared or we wanted her life.
Hlanga was still not back but we spoke on the phone every chance he got. Snothi
didn’t come with Anathi something about wanting to enjoy Joburg.
Me: “Come lets get ready guys. We are going to Soweto.”
Aya: “To Sne’s house?” I nodded “Yay!” they seemed to liked each other.
Snothi: “Who is that now?”
Me: “You will see her. She is Hlanga’s friend’s younger sister. Her and Aya are the
same age.” She just nodded. We went to get ready, I wore a burgundy knitted
jersey with black jeggings and brown knee-high boots. My weave was long gone
and since it was school holidays I didn’t need to promote my hairstyles. I had box
braids that Banele and Sanele did. I took my handbag and I waited in the lounge.
Aya: “Tee please help me choose an outfit.” She was growing up. She had started
her periods the previous month and instead of telling her mother, she called me. I
had to walk her through everything but I told her to tell her mother because this
happened every month and she would need pads and being clean was her best
friend now. So now she worried about her appearance and what she wore, she
was really growing up. I had bought her maroon and white vans so I made her
wear them with black leggings, white top and an olive green parker jacket. I kinda
felt that I had style guys I just didn’t have the money to look good. Now that I had
a loaded husband, my true colours came out. Hlanga had serious money,
everything about him was expensive from his cologne collection to the clothes he
wore. He only wore Levi’s and Guess jeans and other brands I had never heard of,
his sneakers were all brands. At first I was skeptical until I saw that he owned a
club and a gym and there was something they were always talking about with
Nqobani so I understood why he chose to transfer a whole salary to me because
R30k was someone’s salary. And also the fact that he was born in money, his
family owned a functioning farm and we all know livestock is the new currency.
Me: “Snothi are you ready?” she nodded. I locked the house and we left. We got
there and Sne and Aya seemed happy to see each other.
Nolwazi: “I am almost done with my face neh.” I nodded. Make up was her thing.
Me: “This is my other cousin by the way uSnothi. This is Nolwazi, Sne’s older
sister.”
Nolwazi: “Nice to meet you girl.”
Snothi: “Likewise.” She finished her face beat and she looked proper. Nolwazi was
a very chic girl, her outfits made mine look dull sometimes. Like that day she had
boyfriend jeans with ankle boot heels and turtle-neck top with a blazer. “You look
amazing.”
Nolwazi: “Thank you. Tee we are taking your car.”
Me: “You know I hate driving unless I have to.”
Nolwazi: “Hawu come on! I drive a mini cooper its not big enough.”
Me: “Fine.” We left the house.
Sne: “We want to go to bounce Lwazi.”
Nolwazi: “My outfit is not for Bounce Sne. Why didn’t you say earlier?” she
sounded a big annoyed.
Aya: “You can drop us off and fetch us later.”
Sne: “Please!!”
Me: “Okay fine. We’ll leave you some money, call us if you need anything.”
Them: “Of course.” We dropped them off and we chose to go to Mall of Africa
since it was closer. We shopped with Snothi and Nolwazi. After that we had lunch
at Primi. I only got to enjoy such places with Nolwazi because Bheka was a meat
person just like Hlanga. They were in my life and were not going anywhere so I
had to accommodate them.
Nolwazi: “I feel like going out.”
Me: “No can do, I have visitors.”
Snothi: “I want to go out too mzala.”
Me: “Than uAya sizo menzenjan (What are we going to do about Aya)?”
Nolwazi: “Ukhona (There's) uCebo no Gog Lilly Tee. Come on.”
Me: “Let me text Hlanga first.”
Nolwazi: “If he says no mlethe lakimi (Give him to me).” I laughed. I texted him
and he called me instead.
Hlanga: “Where are you going? Nobani (With who)?”
Me: “We still going to decide where but I am going with Lwazi and Snothi.”
Hlanga: “Okay. Be safe and keep your phone close to you because I will be calling
you.”
Me: “Okay. When are you coming back? I miss you.”
Hlanga: “I don’t know baby. I want to come back when all is done here. And I miss
you too.”
Me: “Hlanga that’s not an answer. I haven’t seen you in 2 weeks or should I just
throw the make-up session I had been keeping away?” he laughed and I just
smiled
Hlanga: “Don’t you dare Siphosethu, you promised!” he commanded and I
laughed “I’ll figure something out ke. I have to go now. Ngyakthanda mfaz wam.”
He knew how much I hated being called that. I could handle being called anything
but that.
Me: “Mxm!! Just come back.” I hung up. They were looking at me
Nolwazi: “Haisuka stop sulking. Its not our fault that you married a workaholic.” I
sulked some more “Tell us about the make-up session.” I laughed
Me: “He is never home. And hell no, I am ending this conversation.” We laughed
Snothi: “So you mean to tell me that you are forever alone?”
Me: “Of course not, he comes back. But I guess I never noticed how much of a
workaholic he is because I was busy with school and since it school holidays and
have nothing better to do. I miss him more.”
Snothi: "I really thought he was going to be around. I don't know sbari that well
you know."
Me: "He's a workaholic ke." I sipped my wine.
Nolwazi: “I don’t know how you do it. I cant seem to make a relationship work but
wena a whole marriage.”
Me: “I don’t know what to tell you nam. Half of the time I am apologizing for
things I didn’t even know where problems. So id say I am winging it. What works,
works and what doesn’t, doesn’t.”
Nolwazi: “I also cant wait to be married with kids. We’ll have 2 kids no hubby and
live ekasi somewhere because the burbs are not for me.” We laughed
Me: “Well, wherever we buy our dreamhouse noNyambose it has to have a pond
and double storey with our 10 kids.”
Them: “10?” they were shocked.
Me: “Yes 10.”
Snothi: “I think Anathi is fine for me. Giving birth is no joke guys but I don’t want
to scare you nizowezwa nani ama swidi (you'll experience it yourself).” We
laughed “I really hope whoever I end up with accepts Anathi as well.”
Me: “He will but focus on yourself the rest will come later.”
Nolwazi: “Tee is right, love yourself first.” We ordered wine after our meal. After
we finished 2 bottles we went to fetch Aya and Sne and we drove to our
apartment for our things since we’d be dressing up in Soweto. That night I did the
most, we chose to go to Hlanga’s club and I must say the vibe was too lit. The free
drinks that came to our table from different guys were too much. Nolwazi and
Snothi were party girls, I drank mostly and hardly dance because I couldn’t. And
indeed Hlanga kept calling and checking up on me.
Voice: “OMG! Thingo right?”
Me: “Yeah and who are you again?” her face looked familiar though
Girl: “Boipelo. We met at Bheka’s braai.”
Me: “Oh jah I remember now.”
Boipelo: “Let me take your number so we can hang out sometimes.” It was a girl
nothing wrong can happen right? She gave me her iPhone and I typed in my
number “I will text you and nice dress by the way.”
Me: “Thanks. You look good as well.”
Boipelo: “I will see you around than.” We hugged and she left. I went back to the
girls who were now dancing with oldish men. I didn’t like that scene.
Me: “Guys we are leaving.”
Snothi: “Tee come on. They just bought us another round."
Me: “Snothi asambe (Let's go).” Nolwazi was too drunk to even stand. I went to
the bartender and told him to call us a cab. I took Nolwazi and dragged Snothi
while the old men cuss and swore at me. I didn’t care, we got in the cab and it
took us to Soweto. These two idiot passed out in the cab. The poor cab driver had
to help me with them. I paid him extra and he left. I took off their shoes and I also
passed out next to them. We had a good night no lie but the life of sugar daddies
wasn’t for me and it seemed like Snothi was slipping into it.
======
The day I was driving my cousins back home came. I was going to drive back to
Joburg with Lonhle so I didn’t mind. Our drive was long and Aya slept most of it. I
understood we hardly slept that whole week with her wanting to explore Joburg.
Me: “Mzala what are you planning to do for the rest of your life?” Snothi wasn't
motivated like I was but things could change, I felt.
Snothi: “Eish Tee angaz. School is not for me.”
Me: “What is for you ke mzala, because you are just sitting at home doing
nothing?”
Snothi: “I have always wanted to be a nurse but it requires matric and good
results.”
Me: “Mzala you are not dumb, you just need to focus and you will be a nurse.
Don’t give up on your dream.”
Snothi: “I don’t know mzala. Baba said I have wasted his money too much so I am
not sure he’ll pay for finishing school again.”
Me: “I heard somewhere that passing rate yama finishing is bad compared to
normal school. You should consider going back to high school and maybe start
from scratch so that you have a fighting chance.”
Snothi: “High School mzala? Ngeke I am fucken 22 years old. I am going to be a
laughing stalk nje.”
Me: “That’s a negative way of looking at things. Age is just a number and we are
talking about your future here.”
Snothi: “…”
Me: “You don’t have to go back to your old school. Think about it and think of
Anathi. Your life could be better than what it is now mzala.”
Snothi: “Okay.” we got to Tongaat and I stayed the night at my aunt’s. I missed my
old life as much things were hard but it was less complicated.
A.N: “Nahamba nanga buya Snothile haibo (You left forever).”
Snothi: “Ma, Jozi was too amazing. I had so much fun.”
A.N: “Siyabonga ngokubavakashisa Thingo (Thank you for allowing them to visit).”
please clap hands for my aunt, there was progress. She being nice and saying
words like "thank you" people change indeed.
Me: “We are family, they are always welcomed.” We did what we always did have
supper in front of the tv. My aunt had cooked, she was a good cook I don’t know
why she hardly did it. The following morning I went to kwaMthethwa and I spent
the day with them and catching up with Banele. Sanele was gone since schools
were about to opened. Reality kicked in for me as well I had to sort out my life for
2nd semester. Lonhle and I left the following day. I was tired so I slept most of the
trip. When we got home he took a cab to Pretoria. I was still tired so I just went
straight to sleep. In the middle of the night I was woken up by my husband. His
scent was everywhere, I really missed him.
Hlanga: “I was missed clearly.” We were still in hugging form and I might have
been shedding a tear or two. “Hay I am back, don’t cry.”
Me: “I missed you.” He was wiping my tears.
Hlanga: “I missed you too baby.” We hugged and kissed and things escalated. We
went down on each other and it was liberating. The things his tongue can do
damn. We dosed off in each others arms. The following morning I was woken up
with breakfast in bed, I really loved my life but it was the 29th of July and I didn’t
feel like facing the world. “Are you okay?”
Me: “I am fine. Its period pains that all.” it was lies.
Hlanga: “We have neurofen from last month should I get them for you.” I ate the
burnt eggs he made. Hlanga was hopeless in the kitchen. He came back with them
and a glass of water I took them and put the food aside. “You remember I said I
have conditions before I get over you disrespecting me.” I nodded, I wasn’t in the
mood to do anything. He handed me a box with a note, I couldn’t help but smile
Me: “I might just disrespect you often if I get gifts.” He just looked at me with a
smirk on his face. I opened the note and it read:
Thing lwam
You have been a very bad girl and as your husband it is my duty to set you
straight. This is not a reward but punishment and a reminder of who you are. This
is my condition baby.
Nyambose.
Now I was really interested, how can punishment look so pretty and expensive? I
opened the box and it was a ring. I looked at him and he nodded with a smile.
Me: “Hlanga you cant do this to me.”
Hlanga: “Yes baby I am. I didn’t want to because I know how you feel but if me
giving you freedom has you not thinking straight than I have to change that. Like I
said pu-nish-ment.” He was really doing it guys. He was tying me down and it
looked like he was enjoying it. He took the ring from the box and put in my ring
finger. It was a beautiful ring I wont lie and it looked expensive “It looks good on
you.” I was checking my hand out. It really did.
Me: “Mxm!! Where is yours?”
Hlanga: “I haven’t done anything wrong but if you want me to wear one then buy
me one, I don’t mind.”
Me: “I am so getting you one.” He laughed and he got into bed and we cuddled
“Thank you, I like it.” it was gorgeous.
Hlanga: “It wasn’t for you to enjoy Thingo lwam.”
Me: “Trust me, I am tortured right now but into enhle iyanconywa(a complement
is a complement) Nyambose and you bought it for me.” He chose to kiss me than
we looked at each other.
Hlanga: “So are you going to tell me what wrong or we still on fake period pains?”
he saw right through me “I know you Thingo lwam.” clearly!
Me: “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Hlanga: “I am here for you okay.” I nodded and he kissed my forehead. “Lets go
shower than we’ll cuddle some more.” We got out of bed and we took an
innocent shower and I put on fresh pj’s and he was in his boxer shorts. We indeed
spent the day in bed watching movies and talking here and there and we ordered
in. The following day he had a meeting at work and I had to sort out my life for
the coming semester. I was still not myself but the world wasn’t waiting for me, I
learnt that over the years. After I fixed my bursary things and bought textbooks
and fixed my timetable, Hlanga came to fetch me since I wasn’t driving my car
that day. He didn’t push me to talk and I was grateful for his understanding.
Hlanga and I were more friends than a couple and it was evident that we both had
issues so we understood where both of us where coming from. I might have not
known what happened to him when he was growing up but I understood that it
wasn’t something to take lightly.
NQOBANI
Dr: "Everything is perfect. I am happy."
Mimi: "I'd like to find out the sex of the baby, so I am more prepared."
Dr: "You see that little tiny thing there" he pointed at the screen. "That's a penis."
I laughed that wasn't close to what a penis looked like.
Mimi: "So its a boy?"
Dr: "Yes and congratulations." He was looking at both of us. I wanted to not be
happy about that whole situation but I was. I needed that boy to be mine.
Mimi: "Thank you." The doctor wiped the gel off her bump and she got off the
bed and fixed herself up. I had been quiet this whole time, what was I even doing
in that room? I had told myself that I'll stay in the waiting area but with her bump
growing and I got no curious.
Dr: "Your printout and prescription. I'll see you on your next check-up."
Mimi: "Okay thank you doc." She took the printout and prescription and we left. I
drove her to the pharmacy. "You've been quiet."
Me: "I have a lot on my mind." How was this whole set up going to end for me if I
happen not to be the father?
Mimi: "Can we go to chicken licken after this I want their wings."
Me: "And yoghurt with Marie biscuits and what else?"
Mimi: "Lemon juice please." What? She laughed "I really want it." She sulked
Me: "Go get your vitamins and I'll buy your food."
Mimi: "Okay. Clive." I looked at her "I am really sorry about all of this."
Me: "What's done is done Mimi, we can't change the past." I was getting pissed
actually "I'd do anything not to be here Mimi because now, I want the baby to be
mine."
Mimi: "I am really sorry. I'll understand if you decided to stop helping me out."
Me: "Why am I doing this alone, where is the other guy?" She sighed and tears
started coming out "Why are you crying?"
Mimi: "Clive life is complicated that's all I can say. You the closest thing to a friend
right now because even the girls I was partying with, who I thought were my
friends turned their backs on me." I didn't understand how this fitted into the
question I asked her "To answer your question, the other guy is married with kids
of his own and he's not interested especially now that he could not be the
father."
Me: "Let me go get your food." The situation was fucked up that's all I can say. I
got her food and she came back with her medication and I drove her back home. I
need to be alone and numb, alcohol made sense.
======
I woke up to a beeping sound and something was on my arm. I checked my
surrounding out of panic.
Dr: "He's back. Welcome back Mr Mthimkhulu."
Me: "Why am I here?" Hlanga and Chance came in "What the fuck am I doing
here?"
Dr: "You came in here a week ago because of alcohol overdose." Hlanga was
pissed and Chance's facial expression was just blank "Mr Mthimkhulu, were you
trying to kill yourself?" What?
Me: "What the fuck!!! Of course not."
Dr: "Mr Mthimkhulu its okay to admit it"
Hlanga: "Yay! Yay! He answered your question, now leave us." He got scared that
moment
Dr: "I'll come back to check up on you." He left the room.
Me: "I didn't try to kill myself." They were both looking at me as if they were
waiting for an answer.
Chance: "What happened a week ago Grootboom that had you drinking past your
limit?"
Hlanga: "The last time we spoke you mentioned something about a doctor's
appointment and Mimi" I nodded slowly "So what happened?"
Me: "Nothing, I came back home tired and I drank myself to sleep. The usual my
guy." He laughed sarcastically
Hlanga: "So we lie to each other now Bhungane, that's what we do in our 18 years
of brotherhood?" He was angered by this, he looked scary even for me. I have
only seen him like this in battle.
Me: "Cha akunjalo Nyambose (That's not how it is)." I couldn't tell him the truth, I
couldn't admit how weak I was. Suicide wasn't on my mind though "I may
overdone it with the bottle."
Chance: "Overdone it? You call you being in a coma something you overdone?"
He was angry as well.
Hlanga: "I found the printout for Mimi's pregnancy next to the alcohol bottles." It
was over for me. Mimi forgot her scan printout in my car and I took just to admire
it alone
Me: "Hlanga this is not what this is about."
Hlanga: "Fuck you Nqobani!!! When you want us to talk like men, find me." He
looked at Chance "Thuba asambe!"
Me: "Fine! Hlanga I am attached liked you warned not to get too involved and I
am scared that the baby is not mine because I might not come back from it. I
want it to be mine." They sighed and sat down. Hlanga looked at the ceiling like
he was thinking and Chance was staring at the wall. "Please say something."
Hlanga: "I honestly don't know what to say but we'll figure it out. I am in this with
you." I looked at Chance, maybe he had answers for me
Chance: "Grootboom, you have no control over this situation. The paternity test
will come out negative or positive. You need to prepare yourself for both but
mostly negative, alcohol is not the answer and it wont help with you accepting
things, it will just prolong the situation." He was right. I needed to prepare myself
now before the baby came especially if its not mine. Me drinking won't change
the paternity test.
Me: "Okay." I got comfortable in my bed and I also stared at the ceiling. This
wasn't part of the plan and I'd do anything not be in that position or feel what I
was feeling, it was too much for a man. Mimi's recklessness has bought out a
different side to me but I also take full responsibility for my actions. This is why
sex is for marriage, because of such reasons. We sat in complete silence until
visiting hours were over. "You didn't tell the girls, right?"
Hlanga: "No I didn't."
Me: "Thanks my guy."
Hlanga: "It's cool. I got you, okay."
Me: "I know." Hlanga took care of me more than he should. "Thank you."
Hlanga: "No sweat. We out." We bro hugged and they left. They psych analyzed
me for two more days and I was discharged. One thing about me was if I fell, it
was only once and never again. I was done with alcohol and sex for a while and I
needed to accept things and find a way forward. After my week in hospital I
started investigating Cebo and Lwazi's parents. I needed to get it out of the way.
======
Finding Cebo and Nolwazi’s mother opened old wounds, wounds that never really
healed. Cebo thought she had forgiven her parents but it turns out it was only the
idea of forgiving them that she held on to. But she wanted to get married and she
wanted to get married the right way and it turns out the right way was the hard
way. We found both the mother and the stepfather alive because the devil never
dies. But the mother was in a wheelchair, it was new according to Nolwazi. The
crying and the endless apologies from the mother were a bit touching. Guilt was
written all over her face, but I didn’t understand why she stayed with that man to
a point where she was in a wheelchair. She fell and broke her spine apparently
but we all knew it was that bastard. It took us 3 months going back and forth to
KwaNongoma because that’s where we all came from trying to reason with
Cebo’s guilt-strickened mother. For her to help Cebo through the whole wedding
process but all she kept on saying was that she has come thus far without her so
she certainly doesn’t need her now. The back and forth we were doing made me
think of how my life would’ve turned out had Bab’ Mdluli not united us as his
family and he moved us to Newcastle for a better life. We went to proper schools
and we were exposed to something different than what we were used to. I than
learnt how narrow-minded one becomes from growing up in a village. My mother
was born and bred in a village, she was raised to be a wife someday and she was
also taught that you stick by your man no matter what but she chose the wrong
man to commit to I felt. My point here is, my mother didn’t know that she had
options and it was okay to raise a kid by yourself if it was necessary. That goes for
Cebo’s mother, she couldn’t accept being alone that’s why she stayed with an
abusive man to a point that he took her ability to walk. She lost her kids in the
process but still she didn’t walk away from a broken man who later broke her
even more. To some degree I saw who I would’ve been had I not met Bab’ Mdluli,
I was my father son or Cebo’s stepfather. But by some luck I met a good man and I
wanted to be him and he taught me that I don’t have to do what other people
were doing to feel normal. He’d say “Nqobani you are not normal, and don’t try
to be.” He saw I didn’t understand “You had to be a man at the age of 10, there is
nothing normal about that.” I was starting to get his point “So your fate wont be
like people your age and I need you to understand that it is okay, there is nothing
wrong with it. Its just life.” I kept on nodding to what he was saying “We are all
victims of life son.” He looked at me “But you are going to be different and you
are not going to live as a victim of your past.” I fully grasped what he was saying
to me, that I didn’t have to become my father or anything close to the monster he
was because I saw how my mother was because of him and that the situation I
grew up in didn’t define how I lived my life. This whole journey wasn’t about me
though, it was about my sisters. I was a bit worried about Nolwazi, she had so
much anger towards her mother, and there was no talking her out of it. I
understood what she was going through so I didn’t push and I made sure she
knew that she was entitled to her feelings.

»16«
THINGO
Hanging out with Biopelo without her crew was great I wont lie, she was a fun
person. She was a rich girl and everything about her screamed money. We
became best of friends even Bheka was a bit jealous and I told him it cant be just
him in my life. He kept on warning me about Boipelo and how much of a bad
influence she can be to me, I just felt he worried too much plus I was a big girl and
I was aware of my choices. Hlanga had also been asking questions about my
spending and going out movements. He gave me the money to spend I didn’t
understand why he had a problem with me spending it all of a sudden.
B: “Hey girl where you at?”
Me: “Just finished with my informatics class. Where you at?”
B: “Meet me at campus square.” She hung up. I took the dreadful walk to campus
square. I wont lie a car was a great convience but parking was a bitch in Braam so
I didn’t want to subject myself to the trouble of not finding parking space. I got
there and she was chilling Menzi. That wasn’t part of the plan I thought. I wanted
to turn back but she had already spotted me. “Hey Tee!” we hugged
Me: “Hey babe.”
B: “Im not sure if you remember Menzi from the party.” I nodded
Menzi: “Thingo.”
Me: “Menzi.” I sat down and it was really awkward. I blocked the guy without an
explanation and I am sure he had questions. Boipelo stood up to fetch our order,
she had ordered for me as well. So I was left to deal with Menzi alone
Menzi: “The ring is new from the last time I saw you.”
Me: “Yeah.” I nodded “So you friends with Boipelo.”
Menzi: “Not really, we just fucking.” See what I mean, what was supposed I to do
with that information. He could have just said yes or no. B came back and we had
our food over light conversation.
B: “So I was thinking we should hit Sandton tonight. I need a good vibe plus your
girl here needs a new weave.” I didn’t understand what a new weave had to do
with going out.
Me: “I don’t know B, I have an assignment to finish.”
B: “Please Tee! Its ladys night everywhere today.” I really didn’t feel like going
out, I couldn’t gamble with my education like that, I even had to marry someone
for it but I also didn't want to disappoint her.
Me: “Let me go finish up my assignment than.” She screamed in excitement. “Bye
guys.”
Them: “Bye.” I walked back to campus. I lived in my car guys, everything I needed
was there. I took my laptop bag and I went to the library and I carried on where I
left off with my information systems’ assignment. I was barely passing that
module. I got distinctions for everything but it. I was at it until I got a call from
Hlanga telling me I should get my ass home, I wasn’t even done. I was meeting up
with B later so I still had time to cook and spend time with him.
Hlanga: “I thought you said your classes end early on a Thursday?”
Me: “They do but I have assignments and notes to do.” We hugged and baby
kissed. It was a thing now whenever one came back home. We were slowly
becoming a couple indeed.
Hlanga: “Okay. I cooked.”
Me: “I can see.” I went to check out the pots. It was pap, sausage and gravy guys.
But he made it sound like we were dinning. “Dish up for us ke while I go change
my shoes.” He nodded
Hlanga: “So how was your day?”
Me: “It was okay. And yours?”
Hlanga: “Nothing interesting, just work and a lot of paperwork.” We were seated
on the couch now.
Me: “I am going out with Boipelo later.”
Hlanga: “It’s a Thursday Siphosethu, don’t you have classes tomorrow?”
Me: “I do but they start midday so I can manage.”
Hlanga: “You go out a lot lately.”
Me: “I know. I just don’t want to disappoint B.”
Hlanga: “Since when do you care about disappointing another person?” he was
really shocked about what I said
Me: “I don’t know. I like B and she has been good to me.”
Hlanga: “I still don’t understand. I don’t want to control your life Siphosethu but I
don’t think this Boipelo girl is good for you.” I shrugged my shoulders. He didn’t
know B and he didn’t even make an effort to and already he had an opinion about
her. He stood up and took my plate and went to put it in the sink. I followed him
and I started washing the dishes. After I was done I went to get ready for the club.
I chose to wear a black long jumpsuit with strapped heels. An outfit inspired by
Lwazi. Boipelo called telling me she was on her way
Me: “I am out.”
Hlanga: “…” I left, Hlanga was dramatic sometimes and I couldn’t stay to entertain
his drama. I got downstairs and Boipelo shouted from a white Rolls Royce. Wow! I
thought and how much money did this girl have? I got in and she wasn’t driving
but I was greeted by two African men. I tensed up and the guy I was sitting next to
saw that and told me to relax
B: “Tee this Abe and his brother Austin.”
Me: “Nice to meet you.”
Austin: “So what is the plan ladies?” he said with the strongest Nigerian accent.
B: “We want a good vibe baby.” B also had an African accent now. I wasn’t ready.
Austin had his hands on B’s thigh this whole time and she was wearing the
shortest jumpsuit in the world probably. We got to the club and we were led to
the VIP where more men where seated. I wanted to get out of there, B looked so
happy and comfortable. It was like she was home. Buckets of drinks started
coming and champagne was served.
Abe: “You don’t looked relaxed. Should I order something else for you?” he was
saying this so close to my ear. I was so uncomfortable guys. What was I even
doing there, I didn't belong there. That lifestyle wasn't for a girl me.
Me: “No I am fine thanks.” I wasn't about to drink in the presence of strange old
men. More girls came to join us and one sat on Abe’s lap and thank God she did
because that took his attention away from me. B was sitting on Austin’s lap since
we got to the club. I went up to her I needed the bathroom “I need the
bathroom.” I whispered.
B: “Come.” She showed me where it was “Tee you need to relax. Abe is harmless
plus he has a lot of money. So flirt with him ska tuga.” Was she being serious?
Those men were scary and they looked old.
Me: “I am not comfortable B, and why do you care about their money?”
B: “How do you think I afford this lifestyle?” how could she ask that.
Me: “Your parents.” She laughed and I was even more confused
B: “No baby. This is how I get things, I sleep with rich Nigerian men and married
men sometimes.” I just nodded. I guess I never knew B like I thought I did. But it
hasn’t been that long.
Me: “But why?”
B: “I deserve nice things Tee and if I have to suck a few dicks and lie on my back to
get them, it’s a small price to pay.” I was so shook “Judge me all you want, you
and I aren’t different.” How dare she? “You might have married him but it was all
about the money baby. That nice ass car you drive and the townhouse you live at
and the endless deposits pssh!! We are one and the same boo.” She left me
hanging in the bathroom after she was done fixing her make-up. I have never
been so broken in my life. How did I get here, I asked myself. I took a cab home
and I got there and Hlanga wasn’t home, I called Bheka crying. After a while he
knocked at the door. I opened the door and tears just streamed down my face
Bheka: “Sshh!!” he hugged me and brushed my back until I calmed down. “So tell
me what happened.”
Me: “Please call Hlanga.” He might have not been talking to me but I needed him
that moment. And my poor friend called him. He barged in, he was still in the
clothes I left him in
Hlanga: “What happened?” he was looking at Bheka and it was like he was ready
to attack.
Bheka: “I don’t know.”
Hlanga: “Please give us some space.”
Bheka: “Sure. Tee call me.” I nodded
Hlanga: “Thanks Khumalo.”
Bheka: “Sure.” He left. Hlanga just looked at me. I don’t know why I was so
overwhelmed with emotions. What Boipelo said to me really got to me.
Me: “Hlanga I didn’t marry you for your money.” I was still crying guys. He came
closer and I moved back, I didn’t want him touching me. I was too vulnerable.
Hlanga: “I know that. I asked you to marry me Thingo lwam. You didn’t force me.”
Me: “Why do I feel like this, like … like” I took a deep breath
Hlanga: “Like what baby? Talk to me …” I felt trapped guys. My life didn’t turn out
the way I thought it would.
Me: “I feel trapped Hlanga. I cant leave this house without you reminding me that
I am married and when I am out there I am also reminded that I am someone’s
wife. This ring is not helping either.”
Hlanga: “Than take it off Siphosethu.” He called me by my marriage name, that
wasn’t good. “Ever since I met you, I have always had your best interest at heart. I
changed who I am for you, I know you didn’t ask me to but I felt you deserved the
best and I still do. If that is somehow a trap and you are not sure about our
agreement. You are free to leave Thingo the last thing I want is to make you feel
trapped and unhappy.”
Me: “Hlanga I didn’t mean it like that.”
Hlanga: “Than how did you mean it?” he gave me a questioning look “Thingo you
are crying and telling me you feel trapped. I am going to do both of us a favour
and leave.” He looked hurt
Me: “I don’t want you to go Hlanga. I just want things to be like how they were. I
just want my simple life back.”
Hlanga: “Don’t you think I want my simple life back too?” he half shouted “Have
you once thought of the sacrifices I had to make for you, for us to be here?” to be
honest I have never, not even once. “My life has become complicated as well
Thingo but I told myself that for you its worth it.” What the fuck was wrong with
me. Most girls would kill to have a man like this one.
Me: “Please calm down Hlanga and hear me out.” He was breathing so heavily, I
think he was trying to contain himself.
Hlanga: “I think I have heard enough Thingo. You don’t want to be tied down, you
want to live your life as a single woman. Well you free to be you, I have granted
you that freedom.”
Me: “Hlanga that’s not what I want.”
Hlanga: “Fucken talk!! Ufunan (What do you want)?” he commanded
Me: “I don’t know!” I half-shouted, I really didn’t know what I wanted anymore.
Hlanga: “Well figure it out.” He went to our or his room, I wasn’t sure anymore.
He did say I was a single woman. I sat down defeated on the couch still in the
outfit I wore at the club. After some time he came back with a bag. He was really
doing it, he was giving me my freedom. “I don’t know what you going through and
I think you also don’t know. You need this time apart.” He made his way to the
door “Thingo I have so many plans for us, so please take this time and think things
through so that I can stop if I need to.” He said it in the lowest voice, it broke my
heart. To be honest I really didn’t know what I wanted and just like that he was
gone. That day was the second worst day of my life, I felt like I was losing a part of
me. I cried myself to sleep that night and I couldn’t get myself to do anything that
weekend. Hlanga never came back home, I tried his cellphone and he didn’t
answer my phone calls or my texts. I needed to get my shit together, that
weekend I introspected and made certain life changing decisions. My friendship
with Boipelo was done, I didn’t need anymore friends Bheka was enough. I
needed to stop putting pressure on myself with regards to my agreement with
Hlanga because not even once has he made me feel like I owed him anything. He
had been nothing but good and supportive to me and it was time I considered him
and his feelings. I was slowly losing myself to the city life and I was hurting the
one person who has been good to me. I shouldn’t have said all those things I said
that night, it was selfish of me and I sounded like an ungrateful spoilt brat like my
aunt had once said. I would’ve left too had Hlanga said all those things to me, I
basically rejected him.
HLELO
My siblings came and we had the time of our lives. I loved having them around,
Sbonga was at his happiest with Elihle around. He was really fond of her. My sister
was growing up so much guys. She was blessed with breasts just like mamazi but
she had Musa and our aunt’s body which is what I called the Gumede body. She
was naturally slim and an ass fit for her body with curves too and she was getting
more beautiful everytime I saw her. I was pretty I knew that but Kusaselihle was a
natural beauty, she was our mother’s daughter. I know what I am saying is
unnecessary but to some degree, I envied her because her blood was Gumede
and she had the genes as proof. I know I wasn’t treated any different from my
siblings and I never felt the void of being abandoned but I was nothing like them. I
was light-skinned with an average body with a lot of silk hair. But I was happy with
who I was and I wouldn’t change my life for any reason. The two boys Sasa shared
a womb with were growing up to look like Baba which also meant they looked like
the twins, they were only a shade lighter. Simo was also different because he was
caramel but he was blessed with baba’s dimples. We went to Gold Reef City, we
also went bungy jumping and we explored Vilikazi Street. We went shopping as
well and Friday we skipped class and we drove to Witbank.
Aunty: “The king is so big.” He was playing with him. Sbonga was used to being
called the king.
Sbonga: “Mama.”
Aunty: “hayi Sbongakonke gogo.” My son laughed “I booked us a table at Tsogo
Zun hotel for dinner.”
Malo: “I came here for your beef curry Auntiza Wam.” She laughed
Aunty: “There is still tomorrow mfana wam. I promise.” She was a kind person.
We spent the day catching up and we later went to have dinner at the hotel. We
had a movie night, we all slept on matresses in the tv room. We took a lot of
pictures sending them to her twin and our parents. We facetimed them as well.
Our family was really close. We fought yes, but we always kissed and made-up.
The following morning we woke up early for hiking and I really enjoyed the
outdoors. We went back to my aunt’s place and Lakhe connected his equipment
and we chilled while our aunt slaved for us in the kitchen, she insisted. While we
were singing and dancing my grandmother together with our parents showed up
Mamazi: “You guys were having so much fun without us.”
Gogo: “We had to gate crash.” We laughed while we hugged them
Ndalo: “Just a week nje mamazi. Without your beautiful face, that’s all I asked
for.” My mother held her fake broken heart and we laughed
Mamazi: “Wena Ndalwembi I will kick you back to where you came from.”
Aunty: “Ngoba uvela kuwe lomuntu(This person comes from you).”
Mamazi: “Uzobuyela khona(He'll go back).” We laughed
Aunty: “Thank you for coming.” They nodded “Mother of mine.” My grandmother
blushed, it was just her daughter haibo!
Baba: “Who taught The King to dance huh? Masilakhe, Alimikhaya nenzan
egoli(What are you doing in Johannesburg)?” Sbonga owned the dancefloor with
his off beat moves. It was so funny I even took a video of him.
Alime: “I have two left feet baba, uyaz nawe (You know). uDuplicate, imisebenzi
yakhe yonke le (Its Lakhe doing).” he wasn't wrong, Lakhe was teaching my son to
dj.
Sasa: “Babami!” she sounded like a spoilt brat though
Baba: “Nazo!! Princess yami.” He opened his arms “Ufunani babygirl (What do
you want)?”
Sasa: “Nothing, I just felt like being your baby.” My baba laughed. “Can we do that
thing leya?” she wanted ice cream and I kinda wanted it too.
Baba: “Asambeni (Let's go).” He whispered. We tiptoed our way to the car.
Mamazi: “Don’t bother coming back, all three of you.” We laughed and we got in
the car. We went to get Mcflurrys for everyone but Sasa and I bought 2 for later
as well.
Baba: “Watch your sugar level Gugulethu.”
Me: “I got this babami.” We went back and they were having lunch.
Simo: “At least you remembered that you have other kids.” He was looking at
baba.
Mamazi: “Khululeka mfana wam we’ll find “our thing” nathi.” They were guilt
triping us. Gogo and aunty were just laughing “Boys how about we find mamazi
another husband?” baba’s face changed to pissed
Alime: “One that doesn’t favour princesses.”
Me: “Mxm!! Phakade la Qwabe”
Sasa: “Forever and ever!!”
Baba: “Amen.” Everyone laughed
Mamazi: “Niyabhora shem.” We carried on eating and they later had the
Mcflurrys we bought. In the evening we had a good old fashion family braai.
Mamazi and I took over that shift in the kitchen with Sasa helping with the
conversation. My sister did just enough guys even her cleaning was half-assed.
The following day, we drove back to Jozi and the parents back to Durban. My
siblings were catching a later flight since the jet was unavailable.
Me: “Tyson I cant sleepover tonight. My siblings are in town and Mam Dora is
off.”
Ty: “But Gugulethu you promised to make time for me.”
Me: “I know I did but you knew that this week was tight. Hayi Ty you being
unreasonable now. I have a life and its not only you in it.”
Ty: “Mxm fine!” he hung up. Tyson was needy sometimes and I wasn’t about to
drop my siblings on their last night in jozi for him.
Simo: "Hlehle."
Me: "Mmmh." He didn't look fine "Come here Gumede. What's up?" He joined
me on the bed.
Simo: "Mamazi, is not my mother." It was obvious. Simo's maternity issue was the
elephant in the room that everyone chose to ignore. We all knew mamazi wasn't
his mother and that beg the question, where is she?
Me: "How do you feel about that?"
Simo: "I want to find my mother Gugulethu and baba doesn't want me to. He says
I am not ready for the truth." That was unreasonable.
Me: "Okay so you want me to talk to him?"
Simo: "Please dadewethu(sister), Qwabe listens to you. I really need this."
Me: "Okay I'll talk to him, don't worry. Please behave ke in the meantime." He
laughed, Simo was a problem child and the only person that could put him in his
place was mamazi. As much as she didn't birth him, they had a bond.
Simo: "I will be on my best behavior, I promise." We carried on talking with him
telling me how he hates school and me taking him out of that mentality. The role
of an older sister is a lot hay. Later we drove them to the airport and we had to
get on study mode again since we had been off it all week. I had a lot of catching
up. I didn’t even want to know with those who were double majoring.
=======
Namhla: “Hey girl.” I know, I was also shocked when she called and said we
should meet up
Me: “Ngeke girl awusangfuni ngempela (You don't want me anymore). The year is
almost over.”
Namhla: “You know that’s not true.” I wanted her elaborate “Hlelo we are both
busy and you a have a child now so our interest weren’t necessarily the same.”
Me: “Oh wow!! I didn’t think me being a mother affected you that much.” I was
pissed actually “Why did you want us to meet.” I wanted to get out of there. We
at Tasha’s guys. I made the effort to look good than she comes and undermines
me.
Namhla: “I needed your advice on something. We might be distant but I still
consider you a friend.”
Me: “Get to the point Namhla.”
Namhla: “Did you at some point want to abort Sbonga?”
Me: “Ingane yam ingenaphi la (How is my son involved in this)?” what was
happening?
Namhla: “I am pregnant Hlelo and I am scared. Abortion is on my mind but when I
see the love you have for Sbonga. I don’t know I don’t think I should go ahead
with it.” I didn’t see this one coming. “Please say something, you the only person I
know who might understand.”
Me: “We cant compare situations Namhla. You know what I went through when I
was pregnant with Sbonga. But all I can say is things happen for a reason. I didn’t
have a partner to share the pregnancy with but my family was supportive. Your
story might be different from mine but keeping that baby will be the best decision
you ever made because it is innocent. Don’t abort it for your own selfish reasons.”
Namhla: “I am really sorry for everything Hlelo.”
Me: “You didn’t do anything wrong Nam Nam. Like you said we grew up and our
interest shifted.”
Namhla: “But I am sorry.” She was crying now. I wiped her tears “You deserve to
be happy Hlelo without me as a friend.” With that she stood up and left. Bengi
lost ke mina. So basically she called to vent. She left money for our drinks and I
just added a tip and left.
I drove back home and I got comfortable in my pjs and got down with my
studying. Law had a lot of theory guys and all those court cases were never
ending. The walls in my room had court cases everywhere sometimes Sbonga
took them down and tore them but I was a person who wrote when I was
studying so I rewrote them. The following morning I rushed to get to campus to
revise until I wrote my test. It was test week which meant no class. After writing I
went to buy dinner for Ty and I, the plan was to have dinner with him before I
went to study at the library. I bought us chicken foldovers from Mcdonalds and
milkshakes. The security gaurds knew me and he gave me a spare key. I used my
key to open and I was met by the most disgusting and heart-breaking scene of my
life.
Me: “Tyson no!!” I dropped the things I had in my hands. I couldn’t believe my
eyes, I wanted to say something but I was lost for words.
Ty: “Shit!!” they both jumped “Baby I can explain.” They tried to hide their private
parts. If you asked what I was still doing there I wouldn’t tell you as well. “Baby I
am sorry. We can fix this” he was dressing up and I failed to understand how was
him cheating on me fixable?
Me: “Namhla!!” with my longest friend. She covered herself and tears were falling
from both our eyes. I didn’t understand why she was crying “Tyson are you the
father?”
Ty: “Fuck Namhla! You told her?” that was an answer to me I turned around and
ran to my car and I drove to campus. I tried studying but I was lying to myself. I
just stared at my books and tears were doing as they please. I kept on playing the
scene in my head. Namhla riding Tyson and by the looks of things they weren’t
even using a condom. I did everything in power for Tyson, in my books I did the
best I could for our relationship. I packed my bags and went to the parking lot. I
was shaking guys, I felt like my heart was ripped out of me.
Girl: “Oh my word, I am so sorry.”
Me: “Ouch!!” I landed on my butt on the floor on my way to the car. That just
added fuel to an already burning fire. I wailed
Girl: “I am really sorry.” She was brushing my back. “Can I get you anything,
water?” I tried to stand up and I failed “Come let me help you up.” The poor girl
thought I was crying because of her.
Me: “Please call me a cab.” I said in between my sobs.
Girl: “I can take you wherever you want I don’t mind.” I nodded. She led me to her
car and I got in the front seat. “So where am I taking you?”
Me: “Bushwillow park estate.” She typed in her navi and it spoke.
Girl: “I have water in the boot, if youd like some.” I nodded. She got out and came
back with a pump bottle and gave it to me and we drove off.
Me: “Thank you for doing this.”
Girl: “It’s the least I can do. I wasn’t watching where I was going. Test week has
me running like a headless chicken.”
Me: “Tell me about.” I started crying again at the thought of Namhla and Tyson.
They were enjoying whatever they were doing to each other. “Just keep driving
straight and take the 3rd exit at the circle.” She nodded and drove “That grey
house by the corner.” She parked by the gate and Alime was getting out of his car.
“Thank you again for dropping me off.” I got out the car
Girl: “I am happy to help. I hope you feel better.” I just nodded, I was so broken.
Alime: “What happened to your car Gugulethu?” he looked at the girl “Siyabonga
ntokazi. Alime ubhuti wakhe.”
Girl: “Thingo.” They shook hands “Please take care of her. Gugu can I get your
number so I can check-up on you.” I gave her my number and she drove off
Alime: “What happened you have been crying?” The last thing I wanted was my
broher to say I told you so.
Me: “The test didn’t go well and I don’t want to talk about it.” I went straight to
bed, Sbonga was Mam Dora’s problem during test week. I didn’t know what to do
or say but importantly Tyson’s betrayal made me feel numb. I sat and thought
through the tears, of things I could’ve done differently to make my relationship
with Tyson work guys and in all honesty I would’ve done the same thing, nothing
was going to change. I gave him my best.

»16«
CONTINUED
AZANDE
I do not know how I got here but I am here now and I will do everything in my
power to sort this out. I loved Mxolisi and I believed that what we had was
beyond sex. He needed my help more than my judgement.
Mxo: "What are you doing here Azande, I am at work." Wow!
Me: "You make me sound like a nuisance. I came to check up on you and I bought
you food." He smiled. I missed him, he had been avoiding me for a week. "You
can't avoid me forever."
Mxo: "I know." Things were really awkward "I missed you."
Me: "I missed you too." I looked around the station. "Where can I set up for us to
eat?"
Mxo: "Come this side." He took us to their board room and I set up there. Plates,
cutlery and food. "This is nice. All my favorites." I giggled.
Me: "Yes. You are always taking me out, I never get to showcase my cooking
skills."
Mxo: "Let me judge you ke." We laughed. I dished up for us. I made mac n cheese
with beacon together with sticky wings.
Me: "Haibo! This is not Master Chef. I am just a girl who's feeding her man." He
laughed while chucking a spoon of food in his mouth. "Mmm"
Me: "You like it and please don't lie to me to spare my feelings Mxolisi."
Mxo: "Baby this is really good." I was happy to hear that "No more going out for
us. From now on its you and the stove." I laughed, he was crazy.
Me: "I am glad you talking about a future with me." His face changed. I couldn't
avoid the topic any longer plus, it was just the 2 of us in the room. "Mxolisi, I love
you and whatever you come with."
Mxo: "I'd really like us not to talk about serious things right now. Kodwa Azande, I
can't imagine my life without you anymore."
Me: "You don't have to because I am not going anywhere." We held hands.
Mxo: "I don't feel man enough for you Azande, I feel like a failure." He really
didn't trust himself anymore. It was in the way he was around me, he was
suddenly reserved.
Me: "But baby you are not a failure and I certainly don't believe that an erection
makes a man." He chuckled sarcastically "Baby being with you has made me feel
special, wanted but mostly valued."
Mxo: "You are valuable and worthy of good things baby."
Me: "This is why I am not going anywhere. Baby you are a whole man compared
to some loser who said because I was big I am not worth it. I say this because a
man who is able to break a woman's spirit shouldn't be called a man." I wasn't
wrong. It's my belief that it is a man's duty to give his woman affection on a
consistent basis and his responsibility to make her feel beautiful and special often
enough. I had that with Mxolisi and like I said before what we had was beyond
sex. So he needed me to stroke his ego and nurse his pride and I was willing to do
that because he was a good man, who happened to be going through something.
Mxo: "Thank you for those kind words baby. I really appreciate it." His spirit was
really crushed hay. And it broke me to see him like that. Even keeping eye contact
was hard.
Me: "I think we should see someone."
Mxo: "What! Azande no!"
Me: "Baby there are professionals who deal with such problems. There's the
men's clinic even and you don't have to go through all of this alone. I am here
with you, this our problem and we'll solve it. Ngyacela Detective Sibeko." He
chuckled in a low tone. He loved his job hay. "At least think about it." I reached in
my handbag. "Here's my research and findings and also success stories." I was a
nurse by profession and dealing with people who sometimes refused treatment
was my everyday life.
Mxo: "You are really serious about this."
Me: "its just that baby I don't want us to ignore this only to find out later that its
something life threatening like cancer." Play into his fears just a little "But just
read that for now and you'll tell me what you decided." I started packing up the
dirty dishes.
Mxo: "Okay." I looked at him
Me: "Baby this is not to pressure you at all."
Mxo: "Okay."
Me: "Let me leave you to your detecting ke. I love you Mxolisi."
Mxo: "Ngyathanda nam Azande." We hugged and kissed. It was so assuring, that
we'll get through this. I left the station and drove back to my place. I cleaned the
kitchen after the mess I made and I later checked on things at home, and they
were doing great. Early evening I watched tv with popcorn and a glass of wine.
While I was minding my business a call I always dreaded came in
Me: "Sawubona baba." It was my dad. My dad only called me 3 times a year and
those were Christmas, New year's and my birthday. We were halfway into the
year and all those were passed.
Baba: "Yebo Mafungwase." Oh hayike! "I am in town and I was hoping to see you
and your sister." Like I said before Sisanda and I shared a father.
Me: "See us where and are you alone?" His wife didn't like me and Sisanda so we
kept our distance for peace sake. He laughed.
Baba: "I came with your siblings. Come to garden court in Eastagate."
Me: "Okay." He hung up. The story with my father is that him and my mother
broke up while my mother was pregnant. I never saw him because he didn't know
about me until the day he came to our house looking for my mother only to find
out she was dead and there was me. That's when things changed at home, he
stepped up and took care of us financially but he lacked in the emotional support
department. Sakhiseni Jele is a known politician in the KZN. I dont know what he
does but he held a high position in the IFP. I stood and went to shower and got
dress. I called Mxolisi just checking up on him and he was disappointed about me
seeing, he wanted to sleep over.
Me: "Hawu baby, I am only going to see the guy not sleep over."
Mxo: "Okay you'll let me know when to come over."
Me: "Okay." I hung up and called my sister.
Sanda: "I am on my way to pick you up."
Me: "Thank God!! I was lazy to drive anyway"
Sanda: "I am 10 minutes away."
Me: "Shap." I checked on my work emails and replied to some and emailed the
month's duty roster. Chief nurse came with a lot of admin. 10 minutes to Sanda
was 30 minutes that's why was so relaxed. We both couldn't keep time I kinda felt
it was a Jele curse. Eventually she came and we went to join our father at hotel.
He really did come with our younger brothers and sister. He insisted on taking us
shopping, movies and later dinner. He was really being daddy of the year even
asking us about boyfriends and life and Sanda and I were a bit freaked out.
Baba: "Girls I am going to die eventually and lately I have been reflecting on this.
My achievements and I realized that being a proud father wasn't part of the list.
Yes I supported your needs and education but its father's job to do so. I also want
to make you happy and take you out for shopping like today. You seemed happy
and I liked that." Wow!
Sanda: "Is this a scam?" He laughed
Me: "Baba I am worried, are you sick?" It was so unlike him to be sensitive and
showing emotions.
Baba: "Not at all. I just realized that I have missed so much of your lives and now
that you don't need me like your younger siblings, it bothers me." Wow! Why
doesn't he say he loves us nje period! "We dont communicate and I'd like that to
change. I need you in my life." I was touched.
Sanda&I: "Okay"
Baba: "I booked you girls the room next to mine. I'll see you in the morning for
breakfast."
Sanda: "I have work in the morning." Me too
Baba: "Sisanda I thought you agreed to us communicating and that means we
spend time together. Work can wait." He gets what he wants and it ended there
Sanda: "Wow! Okay."
Baba: "Okay see you in the morning." He left, our siblings had room service.
Me: "Sanda I think hes dying." She laughed at me. I was really convinced.
Sanda: "Haisuka! He's being his dramatic self nje." We finished dinner and went to
our room. Mxolisi was disappointed but I couldn't change the situation. Baba and
our siblings spent 2 weeks with us and that had Sisanda worried. He kept on
assurring us that he was fine, he really wanted to be close to all his children.
=======
Me: "When were you going to tell me Mxolisi?" I have always asked myself that,
how does a police detective afford to drive a Range Rover then he said he owns a
lodge and that drove my suspensions even higher but the ED( erectile
dysfunction) took president at that moment so I couldn't ask. "Talk haibo!!"
Mxo: "I don't know why you making a big deal out of this Azande, my parents own
a coal mine, not me."
Me: "Its called Sibeko Coal and that means you own it."
Mxo: "Fine I am rich, its not a crime the last time I checked."
Me: "It's not, I am just worried about how its so easy for you to hide some things
about your life, whereas you know everything about me." I was hurt actually. He
took my hands
Mxo: "Now that you've put it like that, I realize my mistake. I shouldn't hide
anything about my life. But babe it wasn't a big deal to me honestly, I am not
involved in it like my siblings are."
Me: "Okay."
Mxo: "Are you ready for us to go inside?"
Me: "Yes even though I am nervous."
Mxo: "My parents are harmless babe." Yes I was meeting his parents. I was a
nerve rack actually. We got into an amazingly decorated double story house and I
was met by a woman who looked a lot like my man. No wonder he was so good
looking. Her husband was scary nje and the sister and Muzi and his wife.
M.mom: "I finally get to meet the famous Azande."
Sister: "Mmm. I expected more." She left the room. Wow!
M.dad: "Ignore her she's just jealous that you are Mxolisi's favorite woman now."
They laughed.
M.mom: "Come this please MaJele" we went to the dinner table and the chef
started serving us. It was the life I didn't imagine leaving. There were so many
people moving around while we ate. Anyways back to the conversation by the
table.
M.dad: "Mxolisi says you are a nurse."
Me: "Yes I am."
M.mom: "Interesting profession."
Sister: "Zola is a qualified chartered accountant. She fits in perfectly at Sibeko
Coal." Was I hearing things or was this girl comparing me to Zola? There was so
much attitude to this girl
Muzi: "Watch it Simtholile!" Nope I am not alone. Dinner went well considering
and they seem to be accepting of me but they were too sophisticated for me and I
understood why Mxo distanced himself from them. After dinner we went to retire
in Mxo's pool house.
Me: "The clinic called and said you didn't show up again. This is the 3rd time
Mxolisi."
Mxo: "Azande please!"
Me: "No Mxolisi. If you don't want to do it then don't but stop giving me false
hope. If you are satisfied with the way things are say it."
Mxo: "I am satisfied." Wow!
Me: "Okay." I covered myself in the blankets. He kept on brushing my thigh and
ass and I didn't flinch. I eventually slept. The following morning we went to the
main house for breakfast with neither of us talking. After breakfast we hit the
road back to Joburg
Mxo: "Baby I am scared because I know something is wrong, I just don't want to
know how big it is."
Me: "I understand and being scared is normal. This something big but I am here
with you big or small we'll get through it."
Mxo: "Okay. I made an appointment for tomorrow while you were in the shower."
Me: "You want me to come with you?" He nodded "Okay I'll be there." We drove
in silence again. And indeed the following day my man took the bravest step and
admitted to having a problem and seeking help. I loved him even more for being
so strong. He was admitted and he went through a series of tests and evaluations
and I was there with him. I took a leave of absence at work, I didn't want him to
feel alone.
Mxo: "The wait is killing me." He was talking about his tests results
Me: "Don't worry they're on the way." I looked at him "Should I get you
something to drink maybe?"
Mxo: "No I am good. Let's talk about something else that doesn't have to do with
me being here."
Me: "Oh yeah my father is coming back to see us tomorrow." He laughed
Mxo: "You being paranoid baby, he's just an old men who's making up for lost
time." I still think he's sick and he doesn't know how to tell us because he feels he
hasn't done enough for us to care about him. The truth though is I love him
whether he's there or not.
Me: "Maybe." The doctor entered while we were talking.
Dr: "I have good and bad news Mr Sibeko."
Mxo: "I'll take the bad first."
Dr: "There's nothing wrong with you physically." What?
Me: "How are those bad news?"
Dr: "That means whatever is causing Mr Sibeko's ED is psychological and those are
really hard to diagnose or even treat."
Me: "So what's the plan now?" Mxo has been quiet this whole time.
Dr: "Synthetic hormone theraphy and we'll see where it takes us. Also lay low on
the alcohol for a while and please communicate more as couple that helps a lot."
Me: "Okay. Thank you so much doctor."
Mxo: "So there's no cure for this." He shook is head. He was disappointed and I
was out of ideas. He spoke to a psychologist and later we were discharged. I spent
the week at his place with us talking like the doctor suggested and I have to say
his mood was improving. The hormones were working as well. We were moving
forward and we were stronger than before.
Mxo: "Baby."
Me: "Mmm" I was cooking.
Mxo: "I love you." I turned smiling and he came closer and held my waist
Me: "I love you." We kissed for the longest time.
Mxo: "Move in with me."
Me: "Huh?"
Mxo: "I'll buy us a house and we'll move in together." I loved him and living with
him made sense but I wasn't raised to cohabitate
Me: "My pot is burning." I focused on my cooking again.
Mxo: "Please say something other than you burning food."
Me: "Baby I love you and I want to spend every minute with you but mama will
freak if she were to find out that I am living with a man and we are not married."
Mxo: "So you want us to get married?"
Me: "We should think about it. What's the point of all of this, it we are not
headed that route?"
Mxo: "Okay. You right. But I love having you around so you can take a drawer or
half of my cupboard so you know this is your home too and I am cutting you your
own key." I smile, he made me happy.
Me: "Okay, thank you." I looked at him "I love you."
Mxo: "I love you too." I believed him.

»17«
HLELO
Me: “Really they called you?” my brothers though, now I had to tell mamazi the
truth.
Mamazi: “Of course they called me. You are in the ER Hlehle.” My sugar levels had
dropped since I hadn’t been eating and I fainted, luckily I was at home. “Baby
what happened. Alime told me its because of test week.” I needed to tell
someone maybe I will feel better
Me: “Tyson cheated on me with Namhla and I think Namhla is pregnant with his
child.”
Mamazi: “What??” she was shook and I understood. “I thought Namhla was your
friend.”
Me: “We haven’t been close since I moved here. She just changed on me mamazi.
But uTyson yena, out of all people uNamhla, couldn't he cheat with someone
else?"
Mamazi: “I am really sorry baby.”
Me: “Thank you. When am I getting out of here?”
Mamazi: “We are waiting for your blood tests and then the doctor will tell us if
you are staying or we are taking you home.” Lakhe and Alime came in with
Woolworths plastics
Alime: “I bought you a fruit salad” he handed it to me.
Me: “Thanks.” I started eating. After a while the doctor came and said I can go
home but I must take my insulin accordingly and eat healthy. But I wanted all the
junk food money can buy me. I was so depressed guys and lost. I couldn’t even
take care of my son. My mother spent the week with us busy hovering over me.
She was too much sometimes but that’s who she was and I loved her as she was.
Mamazi: “I am not leaving until I see you functioning like a normal person.” She
wasn’t lying and I needed her gone. “How about we go shopping. Have a “Hlehle
Day”and we’ll do anything you want.” I smiled
Me: “Anything?” she nodded “Let me go get ready.” I went to my bathroom and
did my hygiene process, I came back and got dressed, I went with one of my floral
maxi dresses and sandals and a plain cardigan.
Mamazi: “Are you ready?”
Me: “Yes.”
Mamazi: “After today baby you need to fight for your life back. Life is hard and it
keeps getting harder and people are disappointing and they hurt you but you
need to be strong and not give in.”
Me: “Okay. Thanks mamami.” We hugged “Where is my son?”
Mamazi: “Your brothers took him to Bergville.” I nodded. I have been really out of
it, I didn’t even know they were gone. “So whats number 1 on the list?
Me: “Switch on my phone.” And I took it out of my handbag and switched it on. A
lot of messages from Tyson obviously and Namhla but what caught my eye was
Thingo’s. The poor girl had been worried sick about me.
Mamazi: “Now that’s done what is number 2 on the list?”
Me: “I need to cut ties with Tyson and I owe Thingo a gift mamazi.”
Mamazi: “Who is that now?”
Me: “Some girl I met on campus. The day I found Namhla and Tyson in a
compromising position I just lost all control. I couldn’t do anything, I was a mess
and she drove me home and she has been checking up on me.”
Mamazi: “That’s nice of her. You hardly find such people nowadays. So gift for
Thingo is on the list. For now set up a meeting with Tyson, if you are cutting ties
do it face to face.” I nodded. I called him and he answered immediately. He was at
his place and I wasn’t going prolong things “Just give me the directions.” Mamazi
was driving my car. We drove to Tyson’s flat and I went in and my mother stayed
in the car.
Ty: “Gugulethu I am so sorry. It was a mistake.”
Me: “Is the baby yours?” he nodded “Please say it.” I needed to hear it with my
own ears
Ty: “Yes the baby is mine. It happened on the night of your party. I was so mad
that my efforts went unnoticed I just started thinking with my penis.” I didn’t
need the details but I am glad he told me. Tyson loved me on his terms and that’s
not what I wanted or needed.
Me: “I know I promised to stay no matter what but I cant stay after such betrayal
Tyson. And you expecting me to will be selfish. My son was sick Tyson, what did
you want me to do, drop him just to have fun with you? What good was that
going to bring me?”
Ty: “I am a jerk Gugulethu, I admit that. But baby I love you and I am so sorry. Can
you please find in your kind heart to forgive me and move past this. I accepted
Sbonga, please accept my child as well”
Me: "What the fuck Tyson! That is not the same thing. You chose to be involved
with me while I was single and pregnant. You also cheated on with someone I
considered a best friend to a point you two made a child. There's no forgiving
that." were both crying at this point.
Ty: “Gugulethu ill do anything to fix this.”
Me: “Go be a good father to your child Tyson.” I wiped my tears “I am really sorry
that we didn’t make it but I am glad we met and thank you for loving me the way
you did.” I hugged him and he stood like a statue “For the record Tyson don’t do
what you did to to me to someone else’s child it was cold and inconsiderate. You
might lose out on the best things in life if you only think of yourself.”
Ty: “Baby I am sorry. ” I handed him his keys and I left. I felt a weight being lifted
off my shoulders. I Ioved Tyson but my love for him wasn’t enough for me to fight
for him and stay.
Mamazi: “We are off to Sandton now.” I nodded, we drove to Mandela Sqaure
and we shopped with my mother.
Me: “I want to cut my hair.”
Mamazi: “A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life – Coco Chanel.”
We laughed “I am cutting mine as well. For moral support.” I smiled, I loved this
woman man.
Me: “Yeah I am going back on the self-love boat and I am doing it right this time.”
Mamazi: “That’s my baby.” She clapped her hands “So Thingo’s gift?”
Me: “I was thinking a gift card. I would’ve bought her a perfume but I don’t know
her that well.”
Mamazi: “That’s an idea. You know what we are spending the night at a hotel, I
don’t care which one and we’ll get drunk and stuff ourselves with unhealthy food
but not too much.” She gave me her warning look. My mother was my best friend
guys, to me she was perfect. She never judged me not even once even after I had
disappointed her countless times.
Me: “Id really like that. Mamami I am sorry for being such a disappointment."
Mamazi: "Get that out of your Gugu la mamazi. Okay" She made me look at her
and I nodded in understanding "Life is the best teacher Hlehle. The truth is
everyone is going to hurt you, you just have to find ones worth suffering for. My
job as your mother is support, always and I am happy that you need me and you
consult with me every time you hit a wall and we figure things out together. I
never want to be your enermy but your friend. And as your friend judging is not
on the list of things I will do."
Me: "You are my best friend mamami and coming to you when I have made bad
decisions is easy because I don't feel judged." No one wants to be judged guys we
all know that
Mamazi: "Hlehle you are not perfect, and I am not as well so don't be too hard on
yourself. Choosing bad boyfriends happens but the key is in learning from that
failed relationship."
Me: "I hear you mamazi and thank you for everything. I love you Phakade lam no
Qwabe." She laughed so hard.
Mamazi: "Uyaphapha kodwa Hlehle. I love you even more Gugu lam no Qwabe."
Me: "That's me!!" We laughed, I loved every minute of "Hlehle day" I felt better
"Let me check if Emma and Thingo are available for the night at the hotel.” We
were looking for a salon and we found one. I called Emma and she was available. I
tried Thingo.
Thingo: “Hello.”
Me: “Hey girl. Its Gugulethu the cry baby, remember me?” she giggled and I
joined her.
Thingo: “Oh hey. I have been trying to get hold of you, are you okay?”
Me: “I am fine babe. I was wondering if you available for the night. I want to
explain a few things and give you your gift.”
Thingo: “That’s unnecessary I was happy to help and you don’t owe me anything.”
Me: “I know but please, you don’t know what you did meant to me.”
Thingo: “Okay.” I screamed in excitement
Me: “I will send you the location and pack a bag with pjs.” I hung up before she
came with an excuse. I did a funky hairstyle. I couldn’t cut my hair completely
whereas my mother did a brush cut. Cutting her hair was her thing, she didn’t
care about hair like me. My mother was pampering me that day. “If going through
a break- up gets you such treatment, I am getting me another douchebag for a
boyfriend.” my mother and the nail person laughed.
Mamazi: “This is the first and the last time.” She was still laughing “Hlehle
uthanda abafana man ngeke. (You love boys)”
Me: “Mamazi!!” she paid and we left. I was still shook by her previous remark
Mamazi: “Ngempela (I am serious). Where did you get the energy and time after
what you went through with Melisizwe? Honestly i didn’t think you’d date until
maybe when The King was 5 years old.”
Me: “I didn’t plan it mamazi. Tyson was there and he was saying all the right
things.”
Mamazi: “Rebounds hurt you the most.”
Me: “Talking from experience?” I gave her a questioning look.
Mamazi: “Haisuka man Hlehle. So which hotel do you want?”
Me: “We normally do Garden Court angith?” she nodded and we drove there. We
booked a family room and I sent Thingo and Emma the location. We carried on
bonding with my mother with her giving me advice about moving on and how I
shouldn’t rush the process. I needed to find myself, my mother was right I didn’t
properly deal with Melisizwe’s saga and Tyson just added by cheating to the point
were he impregnanted my oldest friend. Thingo was the first to arrive. i went to
fetch her at the foyer. I never got a proper look at her that day. She was one
beautiful girl, her dark skin was flawless guys and that body made mine fall into
shame. Curves and a tiny waist with a firm ass.
Me: “Hey girl.” I opened my arms to hug her “Thank you for coming.”
Thingo: “It’s a pleasure.” I led us to the lifts and they took us to our floor.
Me: “So its going to be you, Emma my best friend and my mother.”
Thingo: “Haibo your mother?” she was a bit shook
Me: “My mother is harmless.” We got to the room and my mother was on the
phone with baba. “Lets go sit by the balcony she might take a while.” She nodded.
She left her bags on the bed and we went to sit on balcony “Do you want
something to drink? Water, juice or wine?”
Thingo: “Dry white wine please.” I laughed
Me: “You and I are going to get along just fine.” I called room service and I
ordered champagne for my mother and wine for us. “So I am Gugulethu Gumede.
Originally from Durban.”
Thingo: “What? I grew up in Durban, but that was a long time ago. I am Thingo
Mthethwa.”
Me: “I am sorry for coming on too strong but girl you saw me cry and it don’t get
personal than that.” We laughed
Thingo: “No it doesn’t. What happened that day? At first I thought it was me but
girl no one cries like that from just being bumped.” We laughed. I was a mess that
day. For some weird reason I felt comfortable around her, I felt like I could trust
her.
Me: “I had just found my boyfriend and my best friend having sex.”
Thingo: “What? Emma?” she shouted I laughed
Me: “Oh no. I had two best friends. Her name was Namhla. Anyway that was the
story.”
Thingo: “I hope you dumped both of them, they don’t deserve you.”
Me: “Namhla and I hadn’t been friends for a while anyway but Tyson, I don’t
know man what he did was too much.” with that my mother came with the
bucket with our drinks and glasses “Mamazi uThingo Mthethwa lo.” My mother
opened her arms for a hug
Mamazi: “Call me mamazi. Thingo lwenkosazane.” We laughed “Thank you so
much for taking care of her. I am grateful for your trouble.”
Thingo: “Its my pleasure mamazi.” We poured our drinks
Mamazi: “Zichaze phela ntombi (Introduce yourself).”
Me: “Yeah what are you studying and which year?”
Thingo: “1st year LLB.”
Mamazi: “And you two didn’t know each other?”
Me: “What? You do LLB as well? How come I have never seen you in any of my
classes?”
Thingo: “I don’t know. I always sit in front. I wanna get the knowledge first.”
Mamazi and I laughed. I think I was going to like hanging out with her. Emma
Texted that she was at the foyer so left my mother with Thingo and went to fetch
my bestie.
Emma: “You are back from the dead.” I laughed as we hugged “I am serious
Hlehle yaz bengi worried sick ngawe. Why was your phone off?”
Me: “Tyson and Namhla are expecting.”
Emma: “Huh? Kanjan(How)?” really, that was a rhetorical question right? “That
bitch. I knew Namhla was a hoe but not down to this level.”
Me: “Clearly her hoeing has no boundries.” We got into that room
Emma: “Aaaah!! Mamazi!! Unjan mamami?” I laughed. Emma was too much
sometimes.
Mamazi: “Ngyaphila Baphiwe.” They hugged
Emma: “Hayi mamazi did you go get yourself another daughter?” she was looking
at Thingo who was smiling “Girl umamami lo, angi shari (I don't share).” She
opened her arms for a hug.
Me: “Thingo this is Emma Miller.”
Emma: “Baphiwe igama lam(is my name) Thingo.” Thingo laughed.
Me: “Mxm. Baphiwe this is Thingo Mthethwa my new friend.”
Thingo: “Nice to meet you Baphiwe.” She was entertaining Emma’s crazy
Me: “Please don’t entertain her crazy.”
Emma: “Mxm suka!!” Emma really thought she was black guys “Can we talk about
Namhla’s shadiness.”
Thingo: “She needs a beating that one.” I laughed. I wasn’t a violent person. I
wasn’t capable of fighting for any reason.
Mamazi: “Hayi!! Leave Namhla to karma. It will deal with her accordingly.”
Me: “I don’t have the energy to fight them yaz.”
Emma: “I am sorry babe.”
Me: “its cool.”
Emma: “Hlehle where is The King.” All of a sudden I missed him as well
Mamazi: “I am sure they are on the way back from Bergville.” She sipped her
champagne “I am going to leave you guys, baba is on his way. Something about
him missing me.” She said the last part smiling, they love each other.
Me: “You annoy me with your husband.”
Emma: “I love them.” Mamazi laughed while Thingo was on her phone. We
carried on talking about current events Thingo was a free-spirit.
Mamazi: “Babies have fun and I will see you tomorrow for lunch angith Thingo.”
She nodded “Hlelo don’t forget checkout is at 10.” I nodded she took her things
and left.
Thingo: “Your mother is a delight.”
Emma: “I know right mamazi is the best.” Emma wasn’t close to her parents like I
was, I kinda felt she was even closer to mine than her own. Divorce ruins children
I saw that with Emma and Namhla. They did everthing to be out of the house.
Me: “She is too crazy that one.” We carried on drinking and getting to know each
other. We later ordered anything on the menu we felt it was worth trying. The
following day we checked out and Thingo needed to go check on things at home
but we were going to meet for lunch at home. Emma and I bonded and she
counselled me. That day I realized on how much I had deserted church. I grew up
going to church on a Sunday and I believed in the word. So I was going to make it
my personal mission to find Sbonga and I a church in Jozi or even go to my
mother’s church in the Jozi branch. Thingo came for lunch and met the rest of my
family and we had lunch with her.
Mamazi: “Don’t be overwhelmed by the Gumede’s Thingo, they are very clingy
people.” Baba laughed “Wahleka uKing Clingy.” We all laughed
Sbonga “Hayi gogo mina uKing.”
Me: “Yes boy boy. You are The King.” It was the cutest thing.
Thingo: “Thank you for having me mamazi but its time I head back home.”
Mamazi: “It was my pleasure baby.”
Me: “Let me walk you out.”
Emma: “I am coming with you.” We stood up from the table and Sbonga followed
us
Me: “Thank you for coming and thank you for everything.” I handed her the gift
bag i bought the previous day.
Thingo: “Thank you babe.” We hugged “You really shouldn’t have.”
Me: “I wanted to.” She nodded “You will be hearing from me.”
Emma: “Mamazi wasn’t lying us Gumede’s are clingy people.” Thingo laughed, she
laughed at everything.
Me: “We are serious.”
Thingo: “Okay lovies. I guess this is not goodbye.”
Emma: “Nope its later babes.” She shook her head and got in her BMW and drove
off. “I really like her.”
Me: “Me too.” We got in the house and Emma said her goodbye and Alime drove
her to her place since he was going to Pretoria.
========
Baba: “Mamzi told me you are going through some problems.” This was a very
awkward conversation to have with my father “Gugulethu I don’t like the fact that
you are entertaining boys but I cant deny it either. The one thing we vowed as
your parents was that we be hypocrites, we'll let you make your own choices and
we'll help if you need us.” I nodded. My parents though. “You are my baby girl
and you will forever need me and I will forever want you to need me.”
Me: “Gumede you are my hero.”
Baba: “I am glad. I want what is best for you always.”
Me: “I know. I am forever grateful baba.”
Baba: “Forget that boy he doesn’t know what he wants.” I nodded “For now focus
on yourself, make yourself happy. Figure yourself out.”
Me: “That is the plan.”
Baba: “Find a dance studio and sign up and do whatever makes you happy.”
Me: “Now you are talking. I haven’t dance in over a year.”
Baba: “Than do it, I know how much you love it.” We smiled at each other
“Mamazi and I are taking Sbonga for the remainder of the year until you are done
with exams.” I needed that guys. I love my son but I was going through a lot “Use
this time wisely. Introspect, eliminate and isolate.”
Me: “Now you sound like mamazi.”
Baba: “She is not wrong princess. The only way to survive the cruelties of this
world is to know what works and what doesn’t and that means know yourself.”
Me: “I will keep it in mind babami. I love you Gumede.” He opened his arms for
hug
Baba: “I love you too MaMnguni.” We carried on bonding at Wakaberry until his
wife called saying they should get going. They left me at a better place than what I
was before. I needed to catch up with my school work and luckily Thingo was
there. The girl is amazing, I think I was obsessed. We got closer with her, I had to
ditch those girls they weren’t serious as Thingo and her friend, Bheka. We formed
a study group for exams just the 3 of us. And I must say we killed those exams,
that’s what I needed in my life people to elevate me not bring me down. It was
the eve of the day I went home. I was done with exams and I missed The King so
much. Seeing him on the screen wasn’t the same. I had packed and everything so
I decided to surprise Thingo with dinner. I knocked and I was met by a handsome
beast. His body was of a God
Beast: “Can I help you?”
Me: “I am not sure if I am at the right address, I am looking for Thingo.” He made
way for me to come in. it was a nice and cosy apartment.
Beast: “Let me go get her for you.”
Me: “Thank you.” I went to place the take aways on the counter.
Thingo: “Hey girl. I wasn’t expecting you.” We hugged
Me: “It was a surprise.” She nodded “I thought id come say goodbye, I am driving
back home tomorrow.”
Thingo: “Let me go get decent than. Make yourself at home.” She ran to wherever
and I sat down on the couch. “Hlelo this is Hlanga my husband.” I wasn’t prepared
for those news, I tried to contain my shock but I failed dismally “I know.” She
giggled “Nyambose this is a friend of mine Hlelo Gumede.”
Hlanga: “Ngijabulela ukukwaz (nice to meet you).”
Me: “Nam kanjalo (likewise).”
Hlanga: “Nisale kahle (Goodbye).” He took a bag and left.
Me: “Girl a whole husband?”
Thingo: “I don’t like to talk about it.”
Me: “Why, Are you ashamed of him?” there is nothing to be ashamed off with
that man.
Thingo: “Of course not, have you seen that handsome beast?” we laughed while I
shook my head “Yoh Gugu its so complicated.” She didn’t look okay
Me: “I know we haven’t been friends that long Thingo but you can trust me.” I
meant it. I had her back
Thingo: “I fucked up.” Tears rolled down her face. I just hugged her “I think I am
losing him.”
Me: “Try and talk to him.” I didn’t have anything to work with. I didn’t even know
about this husband 5 minutes ago. “What happened?” she calmed herself down.
Thingo: “I told him I feel trapped, that I wanted my old life back. I didn’t mean it in
a way he took it. I just wanted to be me without the pressure and the constant
reminder that I was his wife.” I stood up to fetch water for her and I gave it to her.
“Gugu I come from a really bad place. He was there, he made feel worthy. He
believed in me more than I believed in myself. I am not fine, I just mimic the
emotions of a fine person but I am not. I just have so many unanswered questions
about my life.”
Me: “Thingo I don’t have the right answers for you but from what I heard, you are
confused. If he has been so good to you why would you feel trapped? And I am
sure he's willing to help you find those answers.”
Thingo: “You are right I am confused. I need to find myself before I lose him
completely.” She was trying to convince herself more than me.
Me: “If he loves you he wont give up on you that easily.”
Thingo: “I hope so. Anyway enough about my complicated life. What did you plan
for us?”
Me: “Nothing really, just food and conversation. Oh I also wanted to invite you to
The King’s second birthday if you’ll be around Durban.”
Thingo: “Id love to come.” I nodded and I went to dish up for us. I was really
worried about her. If she was able to hide things about herself like that, it meant
she was a closed off person
Me: “Thingo please don’t be afraid to talk to me about anything. My mother
taught me that keeping things inside only makes it worse because you overthink.”
Thingo: “Hlanga was/is my best friend Hlelo. We spoke about anything and
everything but now he cant even be in the same room as me.”
Me: “Use this time to figure out what you want, to me you sound trapped even
without him here. So which means the problem is with you.”
Thingo: “I will. Thank you for everything.”
Me: “I got you babe.” We carried eating the pasta I bought and talked about
meeting up in Durban. She wasn’t in a good place but I really hope she figured
herself out. To me her husband sounded like a good guy, he gave her what she
wanted which was space and still she wasn’t happy. What was the poor beast
supposed to do? Nothing is annoying as dealing with a confused person, I lived
with them and it bored me to death sometimes.

»17«
CONTINUED
NQOBANI
Cebo: “Bhuti once again thank you so much for doing this.”
Me: “If you are happy then I am happy to.” She was thanking me once again for
helping them through the whole thing. “So whats the plan?”
Cebo: “Well umama spoke to our biological father’s family and its them who will
be handling the negotiations.”
Me: “Yimi umkhongi omkhulu (I am the chief negotiator) Cebolihle, those people
are coming to ask ME for your hand in marriage not people I have never even
met!” That was where I wasn’t compromising, blood or not she was my family.
Cebo: “Of course.” She said smiling. She looked really happy “So when were you
going to tell me about Sne being bullied at school?”
Me: “I didn’t want to worry you plus I handled it.”
Cebo: “I don’t think you did. She wants to change schools Nqobani.” I had been
avoiding that topic “She is not happy there.”
Me: “I know, she wants to go to a boarding school in Bloemfontein.”
Cebo: “What? So she spoke to you about this?” I nodded “But its so far.”
Me: “I know. I don’t want her to go Cebo.”
Cebo: “She is not happy Nqobani. This not about you right now.”
Me: “I know. Why cant we move her to a school here or Pretoria. She wants to
leave the Province Cebolihle.” I really didn’t want her to go. “What if she gets
bullied there as well and we are far away?”
Cebo: “I also have that fear but we have to hope for the best. She wants this
Nqobani, do it for her. Ngyakcela bhuti (Please brother).” She was even pleading
with me.
Me: “I don’t know Cebolihle. Lets first check it out and I will make my decision
based on that.” She nodded “We are going there physically.”
Cebo: “Okay.”
Me: “So tell that guy of yours I am still waiting for his letter explaining himself on
what he was doing in my garden.” She laughed and I was serious as they come.
Cebo: “Of course.” I stood up and went to the kitchen for a glass of water. “I
hardly see you in your Army uniform.”
Me: “Oh I was promoted. I dont need to wear the uniform.” Our conversation had
to end there, I couldn’t disclose any further about my new job description. “I am
out sis.” I took my bag with clean clothes thanks to Gog' Lilly and left. I had to go
check-up on Mimi. My life was so complicated and the funny thing is that it
involved just women. She was now 6 months pregnant and was so big all beause
she never stopped eating. The pregnancy brought us closer than before. We
talked about anything and we got to learn about each other but just as friends. I
still didn’t see a relationship with her so friendship was the only thing she was
getting from me. If the baby happened to be mine we spoke about co-parenting,
people were doing it and they seem fine and so will we and I was slowly preparing
myself if the baby wasn't mine. I bought her all her favourite things which was
black forest yoghurt, marrie biscuits, lemon juice and Chicken Licken wings. I
didn’t understand how one person can eat so much sugar and salt at the same
time? I knocked and Mimi’s sister Mamello opened for me. She ended up not
kicking her out, they spoke and they reached an understanding which was that
Mimi had to help out when she finds a job.
Mello: “Nqobani o kae (How are you)? Mimi orobetse (Is sleeping).”
Me: “I will wake her up.”
Mello: “Ahha you are a bully wena.” I chuckled and I went straight to her room
and I found her indeed sleeping with just her underwear. There was something
about a pregnant woman’s body. I shook her
Mimi: “Go away!!” I chuckled
Me: “Okay I am leaving with the chicken wings and marrie biscuit.” She sat up as
fast as a pregnant woman could
Mimi: “And the yoghurt?” I laughed.
Me: “Why do you care? You said I must go away.”
Mimi: “Nqobani ke khathetse hle( I am tired).” Yeah she was Sotho.
Me: “I wont stay long. I just wanted to check up on you.”
Mimi: “Help me up. I need me those wings.” I helped her up. “Please hand me
that gown.” I did as told and we walked to the kitchen. She ate from the box
“Thank you for this.” I nodded “So have you decided on what you’ll do with Sne.” I
did say we spoke more now.
Me: “I haven’t decided, I am open to the idea of checking out the school she is
interested in.” she nodded with food in her mouth. She was eating a wing while
feeding herself yoghurt. I shook my head that meal didn’t make sense to me.
Mimi: “Its better than saying no I guess.”
Me: “About the job thing.”
Mimi: “mmh.”
Me: “You were studying PR angithi?” she nodded “I might need someone with PR
experience.” She laughed
Mimi: “I don’t have experience Nqobani. I am a drop-out.”
Me: “I know that but I am sure you have an idea what PR is because I don’t.” she
nodded “My business partners and I need someone to handle the PR side of our
business. You were a party animal so I am sure you’d know where to promote our
business and where not to.”
Mimi: “Okay. So my job would be marketing and promoting business.” I nodded
“Am I getting paid?”
Me: “Yeah. Our events’ company is registered so you are an employee and that
means you are entitled to benefits. One includes paying for you to get your
degree in Public Relations Management.” It was Hlanga’s idea not mine when I
told him my idea to hire Mimi. He suggested that we invest in her instead of me
offering her money.
Mimi: “Ahha Nqobani. This is too much now, I cant accept that offer. What if the
baby is not yours?”
Me: “Than its not but id like to think we’d still be friends. Am I wrong to think
that?” she shook her head no “than as a friend allow me to help you. This for your
future and the baby.” the other guy wasn't interested at all and it wasn't going to
be okay with me if I let that innocent baby boy suffer.
Mimi: “Nqobani I don’t want it to come across as if I trapped you or I am using
you somehow.” She was getting emotional
Me: “You know that’s not true. Chances are the baby is mine, chances also say its
not. We don’t know and you were brave enough to admit that you messed up.
Lets focus on your future now I might not be your baby daddy but I also can be
your baby’s uncle.” I was attracted to that baby and it was in my life now father or
uncle. Tears were streaming down her cheeks now
Mimi: “Thank you.” She came to hug me. She was a good person who was just
reckless with her life and made dumb decisions.
Me: “So are you taking up my offer?” she nodded “Good. Now stop lying around
and getting big and go get your shit together because we have a strategy meeting
tomorrow.”
Mimi: “What? Tomorrow. I don’t even have clean clothes and nothing fits me.”
Me: “This is the real world. You need to grow up Mimi.” She nodded, still
emotional. “Go and buy yourself clothes and I will pick you up tomorrow at 9
sharp.” I handed her one of my bankcards and took my car keys
Mimi: “Thank you Nqobani.”
Me: “I got you.” I left. Hlanga was right I needed to stop babying her and let her
find her own feet. That was my problem, I didn’t have boundries when it came to
caring for someone and I ended up doing too much and getting attached. I drove
back to my place. I found Hlanga and Lonhle doing as they please
Me: “I swear you Mthethwa boys know how to piss me off.” They laughed at me
Hlanga: “Now you know how I felt when you just barged in at my place.”
Me: “Mxm!! So have you sorted things out with Thingo?”
Lonhle: “No instead he bought more clothes.”
Me: “Running away wont solve anything Hlanga.”
Hlanga: “Firstly I didn’t do anything wrong, she said she feels trapped and I left.
Problem solved.”
Me: “I don’t think she meant it in the way you took it Hlanga.”
Hlanga: “Can we not talk about this guys.” I was worried about him, he was slowly
going back to his old closed off self. Thingo was changing him for the better. He
stood up and went to the room he was occupying.
Lonhle: “We are slowly losing him Nqobani.” he was worried like I was. When he's
frustrated Hlanga doesn't think, he just acts.
Me: “I know.” He came back and we sat down and played video games. Thingo
rejecting him like that hit him hard and his ego was bruised. I understood where
he was coming from, Hlanga wasn’t a man who changed but he did for her even if
it was slow progress but he opened up and all he got was a slap on his face.
Hlanga: “I wanted to run an idea by you guys.”
Us: “mmh”
Hlanga: “My gym is not doing great and I needed ideas to revamp its image. My
manager suggested we start a kickboxing/self-defense class for women whereas I
was thinking of adding a swimming pool and a shake-bar.”
Lonhle: “Why don’t you do both?”
Hlanga: “Space, its not enough.”
Me: “Find another location, they are both great ideas.”
Hlanga: “I was also thinking of a different location but this one is in a great area. It
meets the target market.”
Lonhle: “But you said its not doing great. Numbers don’t lie bafo.”
Me: “He’s right. Its not working anymore.”
Hlanga: “I guess you have a point.” We carried on playing “Lonhle I am thinking of
going back home tomorrow. You wanna drive down with me?”
Lonhle: “I am going on a couple’s whatever with Bokang and her friends.” He
sighed and we laughed “I swear that girl drives me crazy.”
Hlanga: “You’ll live.”
Lonhle: “Unless one of you dies than I can get out of it.” We laughed
Me: “You are crazy.” Lonhle seemed happy with this Bokang girl I was yet to
meet. He made me want to try a relationship but when I look at the older
Mthethwa brother and I think otherwise. They were both on opposite sides of a
love song.
=======
Indeed Tumisang’s letter came asking for Cebolihle’s hand in marriage. I had to
communicate with Cebo’s uncles about the whole process but I needed advice
from an adult and the closest person I had to a father was Hlanga’s father. So I
asked Hlanga to talk to him for me so he could guide me on how to do things
properly. But before things even got to the point of involving families I felt I
needed to talk to Tumisang, man to man and without violence. He agreed to a
meeting, we were meeting up at my favourite Chisanyama in Soweto.
Tumisang: “Nqobani.”
Me: “Tumisang.” We shook hands and sat down. “I’ll just get straight to the point.
I don’t like you, I don’t like you because I have seen what you are capable of.”
Tumisang: “Nqobani I am sorry. I was …” I cut him off.
Me: “Can I say my peace please.” He nodded “But you are not for me to like. But
also we about to be family, this is what this whole thing is about and for that I
need to like you.” He nodded in agreement, I hope he understood what I meant
“Cebolihle is my family and I want to see her happy all the time. I hope that is
what you want for her as well.”
Tumisang: “Of course. I messed up. I messed up big time for hitting her and laying
those charges against you. Lihle is the best thing that has ever happened to me,
her and Sihle are my life Nqobani.”
Me: “I want to trust your word but you’ll just have to earn my trust.”
Tumisang: “I am willing to do anything to earn your trust.”
Me: “Good. Be a good husband to my sister and an even better father to my
niece.”
Tumisang: “Of course.”
Me: “Before I put the past behind us. What is your plan, you are about to be a
husband now? I'd hate it if Cebo left my care only to suffer all in the name of
love.”
Tumisang: “I understand and I am glad she has you looking out for her after
everything she's been through. And I have a plan on taking care of them, my
brother and I are in the process of starting a shuttle service for mine workers in
Rustenburg.” I nodded “We signed a 5 year contract with 3 mines there just last
week.”
Me: “Wow! That’s great.”
Tumisang: “Thank you. I am getting my shit together, I almost them Nqobani over
my shitty behavior.” I was glad to hear that he was getting his shit together
because I was really worried. But I still didn’t trust him, it take probably a lifetime
for him to earn my trust.
Me: “I am glad to hear that. Can I get you anything?” I was pointing at the bar.
Tumisang: “No I am good. Alcohol is the reason why I made bad decisions so
water is fine for me.” Maybe not a lifetime.
Me: “Wow!! Okay.” I stood up to order us meet and I bought us drinks. Water for
him and beer for me. I was glad about the chat we had with the guy, I needed to
know that he had my family’s best interest at heart otherwise there was no
wedding and I would probably landed in jail for murder this time. Before I forgot
our strategy meeting with Mimi was fruitful, the girl wasn’t just a pretty face, and
there were some good ideas that she came up with. She was talking about
campus radio interviews for Keith since our target market was varsity students.
She was going to make a good PR manager if she committed herself to her studies
to get further knowledge while gaining experience. She seemed happy and that’s
all I wanted for her. I had accepted that Mimi was in my life now, baby daddy or
not. The following day I drove down to Bloemfontein to check out the school. I
didn’t want Cebo and Nolwazi influencing me with their manipulative voices. It
was good school, they took me on a tour around the school giving me all the
details and answering all my questions and I saw the hostel as well. I was really
impressed, my sister chose well. I made my decision based on the fact that
Bloemfontein had an airport. My sister was going to come home as often as
possible or whenever I felt like seeing her even during the week I could fly there. I
applied for her that day and I had to wait for a reply. Private schools took things
too seriously. If it was a public school they would’ve taken her that day had I said I
had the money. I spent the night in Bloemfontein, the driving wasn’t long but I
was just lazy. I booked myself at Southern Sun hotel and I went to the bar after I
checked in. Later I went to have dinner, while I was dining alone I couldn’t get off
my eyes of a certain lady, the problem was that she wasn’t alone. It was her and a
man but they didn’t look cozy or I was convincing myself otherwise, I didn’t know
anymore. I was so drawn to her.
Me: “Could you find out for me if they are a couple or not.” I pointed at them
while handing my waiter a R200 note. He laughed at me “Please help a guy out.”
Waiter: “For R200 sure.” He took it and left right after he left the guy stood up to
answer the phone outside. It was my window, oBhungane were with me that day.
I stood up and scurried to her table.
Me: “Please tell me, he’s your brother or something else other than your
boyfriend or husband.” She laughed at me. It was the sweetest laugh. My waiter
came to us
Waiter: “You are not getting your money back.” she was still laughing
Me: “So?”
Girl: “No. He is actually my collegue.” I breathe out loud
Me: “Come join me for drinks at the bar when you are done.” She nodded with a
smile. “You can keep it my guy, you earned it.” I went back to finish my food.
When I was done I went to back to the bar. I called home to check on my sisters. I
told Cebo about me being in Bloem and she was happy about me giving Sne what
she wanted. I also called the pregnant lady, she was doing fine just stressing
about finding a school. She couldn’t go back to her old college for whatever
reason so she had to start from scratch wherever she ended up. Part of me was
happy that I went to military school, there was just too much admin with
studying.
Girl: “Wow! To think I was open to having a drink or two with you only to
overhear you talk about pregnancy and taking her to check-ups.” I looked at her
“You such a jerk!! The poor woman is carrying your seed and you here wanting to
have drinks with me and busy hoping I am single.” She was really pissed. Her face
said it all, it was cute.
Me: “Are you done?”
Girl: “Yes and I am leaving.” but she was still standing.
Me: “Please get the lady whatever she is drinking?” I was talking to the bartender
“You are not going anywhere until we have that drink or two.” I opened a seat for
her and she sat down “You are one feisty lady.” She giggled
Girl: “I will have a glass of red wine please. Merlot if you have.” The bartender
poured her wine.
Me: “My name is Nqobani Mthimkhulu, I am from Pretoria.”
Girl: “I am Palesa Moloi and I am from Kroonstad.” There was something about
me and Sotho woman clearly
Me: “Oh really?”
Palesa: “Yes but I work in Kimberly, I am here on business.”
Me: “Well its nice to meet you Palesa.” I took a sip of my drink
Palesa: “Likewise.”
Me: “Well I had hoped maybe we’ll get to know each other first but I can tell from
your face you are still curious about who was I on the phone with.” She nodded. I
didn’t think I will have to tell Mimi and I’s dilemma to anyone other than my
people. “Can I get your number?” she shook her head no. that made me laugh, I
was trying my luck and I was finding a way to tell her my situation without it being
dramatic.
Palesa: “So are you going to tell me or?”
Me: “She is a friend.” I wasn’t lying
Palesa: “Just a friend?” I nodded
Me: “I don’t know you that well to let you in. Come on.” She nodded. I felt we
weren’t at the stage where she should know how complicated my life was. “So
tell me what you do for a living?”
Palesa: “Communications laison at Boston College.” I nodded, I didn’t even know
what that was “And you?”
Me: “I am a military doctor.” My job title was still the same even though my
duties had changed.
Palesa: “That’s interesting.”
Me: “You are pretty.” And she blushed with a smile. I wasn’t lying. She was a
pretty and chubby lady.
Palesa: “Thank you.” She grilled me about the army. I hated those questions and I
answered what I could and I also asked questions of my own. I was really drawn
to this woman. I ordered us another round “No I am good, I have work in the
morning.”
Me: “So its still a no to the number?” she looked at me “Id really like to see you
again.”
Palesa: “Okay.” I gave her my phone and she typed in her number. I took it back
and dialed it that moment and it rang.
Me: “You’ll be hearing from me than.” She nodded and took her handbag. I
walked her to her room.
Palesa: “So how long are in town?”
Me: “Just for the night.” She nodded, she was a bit disappointed “Are you sad
that I am leaving?” she laughed and I chuckled “Its okay to miss me.”
Palesa: “Mxm. Goodnight Ncobani.” Sotho people and butchering our names.
Me: “Not even a hug?” my arms were already open. I gave her the tightest hugs
“Have a goodnight Miss Moloi and please call me Clive to make things easy.” She
nodded.
Palesa: “Goodnight.” She got into her room and I walked back to my room. I really
liked her she was an interesting person. So sex was out of the picture until she
was my girlfriend. Yeah Nqobani Clive Mthimkhulu was moving towards having a
girlfriend. Lonhle and Hlanga cant be the only ones with woman problems.

»18«
AZANDE
All aspects of my life were going well. Work, family and my social circle. Mama
and my siblings were doing well and were visiting me for school holidays. Having
them around was great but mama asked too many questions especially with man
products she found in my bathroom, I had to come clean
Mama: "As long as he's treating you well, I am happy."
Me: "Thank you mama. He's a great partner."
Mama: "That's good, do not settle for anything less than you deserve Zande. You
are a great woman, a man who doesn't appreciate that is not worth it."
Me: "Thank you mama, for saying that." She smiled, I couldn't imagine life
without her. We continued shopping Christmas clothes for the kids. They were
watching a movie while we shopped. Later we went to Spur at Lethu and Sonke's
request. After a long and tiring day we went back to my flat. I loved having them
around. I needed to get a bigger space for when they come to visit because my
one bedroom flat wasn't big enough. They spent a week and went back home
since they left it unattended.
Mxo: "Finally! I have you to myself again." I giggled.
Me: "I missed you too." We kissed.
Mxo: "The past week has been hell with just seeing you during the day. I miss
cuddling with you."
Me: "I am back now. In fact I am here to invite you to date night." We were sitting
on his couch just looking at each other.
Mxo: "What? With who?"
Me: "Bongi and Loyiso, Sanda and Stanley, Ziyanda and whoever lastly Hope and
her new man." I was really excited, Thapelo was the last guy I bought to date
night.
Mxo: "Okay."
Me: "Thank you. We dining at some restaurant so we need to look good."
Mxo: "Okay you'll have to pick an outfit for me."
Me: "I will. So tell me how is Zola, is she feeling better?" He was on his phone.
Zola was sick apparently and he had been by her side. "Mxolisi!"
Mxo: "Sorry, huh?"
Me: "How's Zola doing?"
Mxo: "She's fine the last time I checked."
Me: "The last time you checked? Mxolisi you told me you were with her yesterday
in hospital."
Mxo: "Oh yes, I am sorry. I have a lot on my mind. She was discharged earlier
today."
Me: "I am glad." We carried on watching tv and later went to bed. Our sex life had
improved, it was great actually. Turns out he had performance anxiety, yes its a
thing. The more we spoke the more he revealed himself to me and visa versa.
Pushing him to seek help was a good idea and he hasn't stopped thanking me and
showing me how much he appreciated my presence in his life. I didn't do much, it
all came from the fact that I loved him.
======
Sanda: "I have something to tell you."
Me: "What is it, are you okay?" I was a bit panicked. She laughed at me.
Sanda: "I am fine. You worry too much Zande."
Me: "Okay, what is then?"
Sanda: "Stanley asked me to marry him." I screamed and danced
Me: "I am your MoH (Maid of honor) angith sisi wam!
Sanda: "Definitely! At least you are happy for me. But I dont think there'll be a
wedding big sis, my mother doesn't want to hear it Azande because Stanley is
Tanzanian. Uthi kafune mkhwenyana oyikwerekwere yena (She doesn't want a
son-in-law who's a foreigner)" Hawu! Why is it a problem. So Sisanda's mother is
xenophobic?
Me: "Eish, make her see reason Sisanda."
Sanda: "I tried, I am still trying. My mother is blunt and she sees no wrong in her
actions. She point blank told me she's not accepting of him."
Me: "We'll talk to Sakhiseni maybe she'll listen to him. Plus i-ex yakhe, he knows
what buttons to press." We laughed so hard. Sakhi gave me the best in the world,
a sister.
Sanda: "I wanted to tell him after I had gotten my mother's blessing but this way
works as well."
Me: "Don't be so down Sisanda. You are engaged be happy."
Sanda: "You are right. Stanley and I are flying to Tanzania to tell his family about
the engagement. I am really happy, this is what I want. To be Mrs Stanley Kibwana
and have 100 Kibwana children." We laughed, they really loved each other. They
have been together since varsity. My sister could hold a proper conversation in
Swahili and Stanley was fluent in Zulu. That's how much they were accepting of
their differences.
Me: "Than be happy sisi wam, your mother will come around." We hugged and
we drank our wine while we developed a plan on telling our father about the
engagement. Sakhiseni was a very intimidating man. I slept over at her place and
the next morning I went to work. It was also date night and I couldn't wait, I
loved having fun and I didn't deny myself from having it.
Me: "Baby you are late." Mxolisi was late from picking me up and mind you I was
late at getting ready myself.
Mxo: "I am sorry baby, the captain handed me a case as I was about to leave and
he wanted us to talk about it. You look ravishing as always." I blushed and kissed
him. I was in a black mesh midi skirt and a plain white job and black blazer
Me: "Thank you. You look good as well." He was in khakhi chinos, white shirt and
navy blazer. We drove to the restaurant and everyone was there. It was really fun
and it happened just in time to celebrate the engagement.
Ziyanda: "So we going to Tanzania for the wedding. Nice life problems mos" we
laughed. Ziyanda was worse than me in liking things. The difference between her
and me was I worked for them and she hoe'd for them. We were the loudest in
that restaurant and luckily we had booked a table at the VIP thanks to Loyiso.
Bongi: "Who's phone is that?"
Hope: "Phones on silent during date night." It was a rule and It was my phone that
was ringing. It was probably the centre.
Me: "I am sorry guys, I'll switch it off." It was Sphe. I stood up and went to answer
it away from the table.
Sphe: "Sisi please come back" she was crying "Mama was shot! Mama is dead."
Me: "Sphe!!!" That was the last word I said.
NQOBANI
Palesa: “How did you find me?”
Me: “I called Boston College.” I was lying, I searched for her IP address. Being a
spy was making me a shady person. “Your phone was off so I improvised.”
Palesa: “Okay. Why are you here?”
Me: “Have lunch with me.” I wanted to leave earlier but I couldn’t, not without
seeing her for the last time “Does that smile mean you agree to have lunch with
me?”
Palesa: “Yes.” She was still smiling. I was really into her
Me: “So where would you like us to go?”
Palesa: “Lunch is an hour so anything quick. So Mcdonalds.” I nodded
Me: “We’ll take my car or yours?”
Palesa: “I thought you were taking me out.” I was a little embarrassed “I don’t
have a car.”
Me: “Mine it is than.” I led us to my car. I drove to Mcdonalds thanks to the
Navigator because I knew nothing about Bloemfontein. We spoke about what her
job was and I was sitting there looking at her natural pout. While I was learning a
lot about her. The phone I wasn’t expecting to ring, rang “Thuba.”
Chance: “Grootman I need you mfana. Two of our trucks were hi-jacked and our
guys are hurt.”
Me: “Fuck!! Hi-jacked where? Mfana angikho eroundini(I am not around).”
Thuba: “Mxm!! Nino Hlanga niyangjwayela yaz(You and Hlanga piss me off). He’s
in KZN and wena ukuphi(where are you)?”
Me: “The Free State.” I said it in a low tone.
Chance: “Ngizonithola bafana bam(I'll deal with you).” Threats were his thing, I
had learnt that about him.
Me: “Where was it hi-jacked?”
Chance: “PE harbour and I suspect foul play. Get back Nqobani.” He hung up.
Palesa was now staring at me.
Me: “I am afraid we have to cut our lunch short. I have a crisis to go back to.” She
nodded taking her hand bag. We went back to my car and I drove her back to
where I found her. I went to open the door for her. The minute she got out the
car, I pinned her against the kissed, and she responded. “Now you are my
girlfriend, I don’t kiss for fun.” She blushed and I chuckled. I stepped back “I will
call you and take care of yourself for me, okay?”
Palesa: “Okay.”
Me: “Umuhle man MaMoloi.”
Palesa: “Thank you.” I hugged her and kissed her one last time.
Me: “I really have to go now.” I went to my side of the car “Bye.” I got in and
drove off. On my drive back to Johannesburg I was on the phone with Hlanga and
Chance. Two trucks were hi-jacked with illegal guns and other things, they were
going to Durban from PE. Ndumiso on the other hand was insisting we shut down
all operations until we found out how the hijackers knew which trucks to hit.
Chance was impatient he wanted operations to go on as planned. Nathan was out
of the country, so I had to be the voice of reason. By the time I got to joburg
because I was driving like a crazy person egos were bruised because everyone
wanted their plan to be followed.
Hlanga: “Clive what do you think we should do?”
Me: “I honestly don’t think reputation matters right now if we have a mole.
Chance we cant risk another hit.”
Ndumiso: “Lets at least delay things for a week and see how far we get with
finding out how they knew.”
Me: “Indaba iqala ngokuth(first things first) who knew about the trucks, to the
drivers. Who knows it might even be the person who sold us the guns.”
Hlanga: “Anton wouldn’t?” he was looking at Chance.
Chance: “That son of a bitch would Hlanga. He is so greedy.”
Ndumiso: “Lets find out.” We nodded “let me see what he’s been up too. I will call
you back if I have something.” He hung up, we were video calling him.
Hlanga: “Thuba set a trap for him and see if he falls for it or not.” He nodded and
left us. “And than wena Free State, zishani?”
Me: “Sne wants to go to a boarding school there so I went to check it out before I
made and decision.”
Hlanga: “What? Boarding school, whats wrong with her school now?”
Me: “She is being bullied Hlanga and she is not handling it well.”
Hlanga: “Eish mfana. uLittle one.” I chuckled “But dont you think Bloem is far
especially of what she’s going through.”
Me: “That’s my thought exactly but she insists on going. It’s an excellent school, I
was impressed so we’ll just have to wait and see.”
Hlanga: “Now that I am seeing you ubaba uthe he is expecting to see you soon.”
Me: “Oh I might as well drive down with you.”
Hlanga: “I flew in. Thuba was spitting fire and swearing.” I laughed at the threats I
got.
Me: “I know, he threatened me. Us actually.”
Hlanga: “He is crazy that one.” We laughed. We stayed at the warehouse waiting
for Ndu and Chance to come back with feedback “I guess we’ll fly back together.”
Me: “Have you talked to Thingo?”
Hlanga: “No. I am giving her space to think things through.” With that he stood up
and left. He really didn’t like talking about this. I on the other hand had a
girlfriend so I had to impress. I didn’t have a plan for Palesa and I but I really liked
her so I was taking the chance. Who knew that a trip to Bloemfontein, a place I
didn’t even want to go to would bring me such happiness.
======
Me: "I came as fast as I could, is everything okay with you and the baby?" She
laughed
Mimi: "He's fine, we are fine. I made dombolo le beef stew for you. I know you
like it." This was weird, Mimi cooked for me.
Me: "Okay. Its not that I don't appreciate this but why?"
Mimi: "I wanted us to talk." She dished up for us and we went to sit on the couch.
Me: "About? Are you okay?" She seemed nervous
Mimi: "Nothing is wrong Clive. I just have something to tell you, something I have
been avoiding."
Me: "You killing me here. Please just say it."
Mimi: "Nqobani Clive Mthimkhulu, I have feelings for you." She was looking
directly at me.
Me: "..."
Mimi: "I know, I know. I feel stupid for even admitting it. I know that you dont feel
the same way but I just wanted you to know you have an option."
Me: "Wow!"
Mimi: "We can eat now." And she ate. I honestly had no words.

»18«
CONTINUED
HLANGA
I didn’t even like being home but here I was on my second week there. My
parents were asking why I came alone and I told them about Thingo studying and
me not being in her way. It was all lies, she was done with exams. The honest
truth was, I was running away from the possibility that Thingo was having regrets
about marrying me especially when I have hardly opened up to her. Maybe she
got tired, all those thoughts were consuming me. I was scared of losing her, I
loved her too much and my love for her was dangerous because she wasn’t
getting out alive if she wanted out. So I backed off and watched from the
sidelines. I had someone watching her 24/7 making sure that she was fine and
was taking care of herself. It was the hottest December day and I was out in the
fields with my father’s cows. I sat under a tree enjoying the shade while they ate
grass. My work phone rang
Me: “Mthethwa.”
Lang: “We have an assignment for you. Clear your schedule for the next 12
months”
Me: “Just me or the team?”
Langa: “For now, its just you.” She cleared her throat “We want you to recruit
someone to be our informant.” Recruiting took forever that’s why she said I am
clear my schedule for the year.
Me: “Who?”
Lang: “A Cuban woman. She is the wife of an arms dealer we’ve been survielling.”
Me: “Okay. When do you want me to come in?”
Lang: “In the next month. I will contact you once I have set up your cover.” She
hung up. Spy craft was too much work but ijob ijob sbali. I carried on enjoying the
shade while I browsed through pictures of my wife. My ego was really bruised
when she said she felt trapped and she wanted nothing reminding her of our
marriage. The sun was setting and it was time to herd the cows back to the kraal.
The herdboys who normally helped my father came just in time and we herd
them back. My father had 150 cows, 200 goats and 259 sheep. Owning a farm was
a lot of work and I think that was part of the reason why I hated coming home
because my father expected us to help out. When we were done with the head
count and we were certain that all the cows were in the kraal I drove the bakkie
back home. Thingo’s car was in the yard, I wasn’t expecting her but a text from
the guy that was watching her came in telling me she head for KZN. I went to our
room and I found her unpacking her things.
Thingo: “Nyambose.” She said with half a smile. I wanted to smile back but this is
the same person who was suffocated by my efforts
Me: “Thingo.” I went to take a shower. I was sweating all day. When I came back
and she was sitting on the bed.
Thingo: “How are you doing?”
Me: “I am the same. How are you doing?”
Thingo: “I am fine I guess.” I nodded while I lotioned my body. She was staring, it
was a bit funny because she was shy around me whenever I was naked. “I think I
will go to the main house.”
Me: “Why did you come here?” she looked at me confused “I thought you wanted
nothing to do with being married to me and the last time I checked this my
home.” I think I was ready to hear her out.
Thingo: “Hlanga come on. That’s not what I meant.”
Me: “I don’t understand Thingo so please don’t tell me to come on.” I looked at
her “What did you mean?”
Thingo: “I was overwhelmed with emotions that night. I may have overreacted.”
Me: “Thingo you were crying and saying you feel trapped. You didn’t even want
me to touch you.” I still had that image in my head. It broke my cold heart.
Thingo: “I know baby and I am sorry. But Boipelo suggested that her and I were
the same. She sleeps with men for money and she said I married you for that. It
got to me what she said. Part of me believed her because a year ago I was a girl
who walked 30 minutes to get to school. Whose hair was hard and corse and
never had the money to plat it. But now I have a car, a weave and I get R30000 in
my bank account.”
Me: “Really?” that is why I have been miserable for the past month? Mxm!
Thingo: “Yes. The change was too drastic for me. I am not use to this kinda
lifestyle yet.”
Me: “Why did you feel like that after you met that stupid friend of yours? Thingo
we were fine before she came.”
Thingo: “That’s why I am saying I overreacted. Hlanga I wanted to fit in so much
that I completely lost it. Bheka warned me about her and you also had your
doubts I guess, I was just too stubborn to listen.”
Me: “The city is changing you Thingo. Don’t allow it. Its okay not to do certain
things even if they are trending. Missing a trend or two wont kill you.”
Thingo: “I know and I am not proud of it.”
Me: “You know what I love most about you?” she shook her head no “That you
didn’t need anyone to validate your worth.”
Thingo: “what?”
Me: “The first night you spent here, I asked you about boyfriends and friends and
your answer was “I have neither. I keep to myself it is just easier that way” I knew
that day you were the one for me.” She giggled and I smiled. I really missed her.
Thingo: “Wow you remember that? That’s was like 2 years ago.”
Me: “I know. My point is don’t change who you are. The girl I met that night knew
who she was and where she was headed.”
Thingo: “Thank you Nyambose.”
Me: “I missed you.”
Thingo: “I missed you even more.”
Me: “Woza la.” I opened my arms for a hug and she fitted perfectly where she
belonged, in my arms “Don’t ever do that to me again. I was slowly dying Thing
lwam.” I was dying guys. I was slowly heading back to my drinking and random
women days.
Thingo: “I am sorry. I really didn’t mean it in way to make you feel like what we
have is not what I want.” She held my face and made me look at her beautiful
face “I want to be here Nyambose. I am a Mthethwa, ring and all.” I smiled like an
idiot.
Me: “Well Thingo lwam. Mthethwa wives get R30000 in their bank accounts, they
drive BMWs and they get to do whatever they want with their hair. Your friend
can suck it.” She laughed. We were still standing in the same position.
Thingo: “I really missed you. I was slowly dying without you.” She kissed me this
time and I responded. It was a short passionate kiss “Come lets go feed you
before you swallow me with that mouth of yours.” I laughed, her crazy sarcasm
was always a delight.
Me: “I am hungry ngyavuma kodwa uNyambose omncane is hungrier.” I was
pointing at my erect penis. She laughed and I chuckled
Thingo: “lets take care of him than.” And we didn’t waste time. We kissed each
other with so much hunger and passion. I took off her dress and she was left in
just her underwear. I sat on the bed and I admired her lower part of her body. Her
stomach, it was going to carry my legacy, I planted wet kisses around her naval
down to her African honeypot. I made her turn so I could admire her thick and
firm ass
Me: “From now on, you are only allowed to wear g-strings and thongs.” She
laughed “I am serious.”
Thingo: “You are crazy.” I turned her around again and I made her sit on me with
her legs on either sides of my waist. We carried on with the kissing, this heated
up. Thingo was taking charge and I decided to let my control issues rest and let
her be in control. Her hand went to a now very excited young Nyambose, she was
multi-tasking between kissing me lustfuly and giving me a hand job. My wife was
a virgin but she was getting the hang of this because somehow the pleasure I was
feeling was out of this world. She stopped kissing my lips and went down to my
chest and packs. She gave me a look while she teased young Nyambose with her
lips. She started ramming on the roof of her mouth. And that got me too excited
Me: “Thingo lwam.” I whispered as the warmth of her mouth covered young
Nyambose. “Aaah!! Fuck!!” she was sucking like her life dependend on it and I
loved every moment. I didn’t know where she got all of this frankly I didn’t care as
long I was the only one who got to experience it. “Damn it!! AAAH Baby!!” she
stopped and looked at me “Don’t stop Thingo lwam!! Mmmh” my eyes went back
to being closed as I held her by her weave.
Thingo: “mmmh.” She occasionally circle her toungue around the tip and go back
to sucking slowly and fast. She was driving me crazy
Me: “mmmmmhhhh.” I groaned. I kept on pushing her head to go deeper and she
sucked me dry, I was losing control of my body and I was slowly building up
“FUUUCk. Baby give me your breasts” and my woman obliged. I inserted my dick
between her breasts and I squeezed them together and I fucked them until I came
apart. I didnt waste time, I made her stand and I started rubbing her clit, she was
already wet. I took one of her leg and put it on top of my shoulder and I started
eating her up. Its started with me circling my tongue around her clit and
occasionally blowing air
Thingo: “Aaaa baby!” She held on tight on my arms and I went hard with my
tongue and she loved it. She was even grinding against it “Yesss baby.” That was
reason for me to give her what she wanted
Me: “Mmmh.” I went multi-tasking my tongue fucking her and my thumb rubbing
her clit and that drove her over the edge
Thingo: “Baby I want to pee.” She said in a husky voice
Me: “Pee for me Thingo lwam.” I went rough on her clit
Thingo: “Aaah Nyaa..mbose.” she came apart. We were sweating and we needed
not to smell like sex in front of my parents. I kissed her while I led us to the
bathroom. We got into the shower, we had another round and we cleaned
ourselves and we got dressed for dinner. I was glad we were okay with my
Rainbow. She really was the calm after the storm
=========
Me: “Do I have to go?”
Thingo: “Yes you do.” We dressing up after we had taken a very steamy shower
Me: “Baby you said it’s a kid’s birthday. Mina ngiyaph lapho(why am I going)?” I
really didn’t understand why I had to go.
Thingo: “Think of it as research.”
Me: “Research for what?” I gave her my confused face
Thingo: “Party ideas for when you finally knock me up.” She smiled and I laughed,
I wasn’t expecting that
Me: “I can knock you up right now.” She laughed and I really meant it.
Thingo: “Are your swimmers that strong to knock me up the first time?”
Me: “We can find out baby. But ngyabathemba odiniswayo(I trust them).”
Thingo: “No! Baby I know you are ready for us to have a baby but I am not.”
Me: “Yes I am but I want us to start making babies when we are both ready. I will
never put pressure on you. You are still young Thingo lwam and I want you to
enjoy your youth because I did and it will be selfish of me to expect you not to
live your life the way you planned it.”
Thingo: “Nyambose you are amazing do you know that.” She said smiling.
Me: “Yeah I do.” And I laughed “Thank you baby.”
Thingo: “Yaz I think I put pressure on myself more than anything.”
Me: “Then stop.”
Thingo: “Its my new year’s resolution. Come now lets get going, I still need to buy
The King a gift.”
Me: “Is that his name?”
Thingo: “Nickname. Sbongakonke is his name.” she wore a floral wrapped around
maxi skirt with a white lacy one piece. My wife had style guys with gladiator
sandals and the afro was back. “I am ready, asambe.”
Me: “Umuhle mamasekhaya.”
Thingo: “Thank you daddy. You are not bad yourself.” I guess I looked good as
well. I was in my denim shorts, white t-shirt and white Jack Purcell sneaker.
Me: “Thank you mama.” I took my car keys. We drove to Gateway for the gift. My
wife couldn’t decide. “He is a boy, just buy a toy car.”
Thingo: “Okay lets go buy the big one.” She led us to those cars where a kid can
drive. I couldn’t wait to buy for our kids.
Me: “I like this one.”
Thingo: “Of course you do.” She said with a bored tone, I laughed. It was a BMW
X6 electric toy car “Take it phela Nyambose. And take the red one.” We took it
and we went to pay. We drove to an estate out of town. I didn’t even know such a
place exist. And when we got got there it was packed.
Me: “I thought you said it’s a kid’s party.”
Thingo: “Hayi nam angaz(I also don't know).” We got out the car and I went to
fetch the gift and we got to the entrance, it wasn’t a gate but an entrance we
were met but three ladies one of them being Hlelo. I met her briefly that day but
she was a very pretty girl with model body and she was wearing shorts and a crop
top with a baby’s face. I admired but I wasn’t interested, Thingo has ruined me
from the opposite sex.
Hlelo: “You came!” She screamed and they hugged.
Thingo: “Of course I did. With a gift and I hope you don’t mind I bought a plus
one.”
Lady: “Don’t be silly the more the merrier.”
Hlelo: “Thanks for coming. Bab’ Mthethwa.”
Me: “MaGumede.” She giggled as we shook hands
Hlelo: “Please follow me.” She led us to a beautifully decorated yard. “Let me put
the gifts with the others.” We gave her the gift and a woman came to take from
her “Haw guys anisalethi nengane nje(You didn't even bring a kid). Sbonga has no
friends guys so there will be a lot of empty tables because mamazi went
overboard with this whole thing.”
Thingo: “haibo Gugulethu bengizoythathaph mina ingane(where was I going to
find a kid?).”
Hlelo: “Do what married people do and make one haibo. My son needs friends
Nyambose.” I laughed and they joined me. She was crazy. With that a white girl
came running and screaming. “Emma please!! Our ears.”
Emma: “Mxm!! Hey Thingo.”
Thingo: “Hey babe.” They hugged. My woman smiled “Emma this is my husband
Hlanga.”
Emma: “Husband?? Haibo girl.” She sounded white of course “Unjan bhuti(how
are you doing), ngiwiBaphiwe Gumede mina.” I laughed, I wasn’t expecting that
for real. We also shook hands
Lady: “Thingo lwenkosazane.” Clearly my woman was famous
Thingo: “mamazi ninjan?” they hugged
Mamazi: “Ngyaphila. Mfana wam.” She was looking at me. She was a beautiful
woman, short with curves and looked nothing like her daughter. She was naturally
thick you could tell with her toned arms. She hit the gym a lot
Me: “Ninjan ma.”
Mamazi: “Siyaphila. Zichaze phela(introduction).” I chuckled
Emma: “uBhuti is your son-in-law.” She looked at Emma “Thingo is married
mamazi.”
Mamazi: “What? I swear you kids niyagugisa (you kids are making me old).
Omunye ungenze ugogo manje(The other one makes me a grandmother and now)
you have a whole husband.” I laughed “Its nice to meet you Bab’ Mthethwa.”
Me: “Likewise.”
Emma: “I am the only innocent one mamazi.” Mamazi and the rest laughed
Mamazi: “Of course wena Baphiwe you are a saint. We were suppose to name
you Slungile.” The white girl blushed and the ladies laughed.“Please come join us
this side. Hawu Gugulethu you don’t even offer them something to drink.” She
was called by some woman.
Hlelo: “They just got here mamazi.”
Mamazi: "First born please help move the cars to Mnqobi's house."
Voice: "On it mamazi." That voice was familiar. I turned, wtf!!!
Me: "Nathan!!"
Nathan: "Oh so you not just stalking your wife, you stalking me as well?" Thingo
didn't hear that luckily. We laughed.
Me: "What brings you here?"
Nathan: "You have balls yaz. Kusekhaya la(this is home) let me deal with the cars
we'll talk." I nodded and went to join Thingo in the stretch tent
Hlelo: “The bar is there. I am going to check on The King.”
Thingo: “Okay.” she left us “This is a beautiful house.” It really was
Me: “It is, do you like it?”
Thingo: “Of course. I wouldn’t mind living here, the only thing missing here is a
pond.”
Me: “A pond?”
Thingo: “Yeah our dreamhouse has to have a pond with ducks.” Where was I
going to find land with a pond?
Me: “Okay.” we got to the bar and we asked for our drinks and took a seat. We
were conversing with my woman. Later on the party started. The kids who were
invited wore the same t-shirt as Hlelo and the rest of the family I guess because
mamazi was also wearing one. They each had different writings at the back Hlelo
was “baby mama”, Baphiwe was “Godmother” while mamazi’s was “The Gogo.”
Thingo: “I think the t-shirt thing is very cute.”
Me: “Me too. I like it as well.”
Thingo: “Sbonga’s is written The King.” It made sense. Hlelo came to join us with
Baphiwe. “Mawulana (if you here) who’s watching over Sbonga?”
Hlelo: “Babe I have 9 siblings. They are there for reason.” I wasn’t ready for that
“uSasa has taken over. She likes being an aunt.” I stood up and went to the bar for
a refill. I was drinking beer
Voice: “And than wena uyi stalker ngempela (You are a real stalker)? I thought
you were stalking your wife alone.” I turned it was Ndumiso. Wow, was I meeting
all of them at a kids party?
Me: “Yeah I am, I am still stalking her and she ended up here.” We laughed.
Hlelo: “Mthombeni.”
Ndu: “Hey Snowy.” They hugged
Hlelo: “This Hlanga Mthethwa.” His face changed. I wanted to see where this was
going
Ndu: “I know him, how do you know him?” he was a bit irritable.
Hlelo: “Geez would you calm down. He’s my friend’s husband.” She took her drink
and left
Me: “Now I am interested. Ufunan la?”
Ndu: “That’s Omuhle’s sister and this is her home.” Oh shit! It was a small world
man
Me: “No ways!!”
Ndu: “Yes ways. Come lets take a seat.” We did and we ended up talking business
and about the hijacking. Thingo approached us and we stopped talking
Thingo: “Nyambose. uHlelo doesn’t want us to leave. Uthi there is a braai later
on.”
Me: “Okay. Baby this is a friend of mine Ndumiso Duma.”
Ndu: “Nice to meet you Thingo lwakhe.” How did he know that? I hadn’t given
him her name.
Thingo: “Likewise. So are you okay with us staying?” I nodded and she left
Me: “How did you know her name?”
Ndu: “I hacked your phone. We were under attack Hlanga, so I had to be
thorough.” I laughed, he was crazy “I must say you are obsessed more than me.” I
looked him confused about what was he talking about. “Everything on your phone
has Thingo. Password and all. if not her birthday its her name.” I was a bit
embarrassed
Me: “Mxm!!” we carried on talking about the party and him telling me about his
kids, who were at the party too. Thingo bought me food. Like she knew I was
hungry, the last meal I had was breakfast. After sometime the kids party ended
and the braai started
Ndu: “Omuhle this is a friend of mine Hlanga Mthethwa.” She nodded
Me: “Ngijabulela ukwazi ntokazi.” She you average chick. Killer body, she was an
athlete no lie. She was also wearing shorts and that crop top. Hers was written
The King’s aunt. She looked nothing like Hlelo. They really made a big deal out of a
2 year old’s birthday.
Omuhle: “nam kanjalo (l likewise).” They spoke whatever they spoke about and
she left.
Ndu: “She is mad at me.”
Me: “What did you do?”
Ndu: “I may have suggested that she stops travelling and take care of our family.”
Me: “May have or you said it?”
Ndu: “I said it. I am tired of the back and forth and her never being at home only
in December.” It must have been really hard on him but I was the wrong person
to seek advice from
Me: “I cant help you my guy. I am also an Omuhle in my case. I am never home. If
I am not with you, I am out of the country. But I compensate with my free time by
being clingy.”
Ndu: “Eish.”
Me: “I would probably resent Thingo if she were to suggest I quit my job. She
knew what she’s getting herself into.”
Ndu: “I guess you have a point. But Omuhle was only suppose to play hockey in
varsity and a few years for the squad. Now I cant even extend my family because
she’s not ready.”
Me: “But you have kids nje.”
Ndu: “They are not ours. They just mine and I want to have kids with my wife you
know.” It must have been tough. This Omuhle girl came across as selfish.
Me: “Talk to her and make her see reason.”
Ndu: “mmmh. Marriage is hard my guy.” He stood up and went to the bar. Music
was turned up. I guess it was the adults’ party now because every older person
started making their way to the tent. Thingo went to get herself wine and came to
join me. Ndu came back and we carried on chilling and talking. I was happy that
Ndu was there because these varsity kids were a bit out of my league. Somehow
Thingo fitted in with Hlelo and Baphiwe. She seemed happy and she was laughing.
They were crazy as she was. I was introduced to the rest of the Gumede family. I
thought Hlelo was lying with the 9 sibling thing, Hlelo looked nothing like her
siblings or family for that matter but they were a big and very close family not to
mention care-free.
Mamazi: “Aaaah Qwabe my jam.” She made her way to the middle of the tent.
Next thing people stood up.
Ndu: “Just watch what is about to unfold.” He said sipping his beer. Thingo and I
watched together with Emma. Hlelo and her siblings together with her parents
took the dancefloor. And did some routine dance over Bhutiza by Mobi Dixon.
“This family is crazy bra.” I laughed.
Thingo: “Oh my word. This is so cool.” Their routine was really good
Hlelo&Mamazi: “Weh bhutiza
Ujikelez' ingqondo yam'
Uyandiphambanisa
Phe-phe-phe-phe
Weh bhutiza” Hlelo and her mother did the vosho. Haibo guys how old was this
woman kanti? Everyone who was watching clapped because the routine ended
with the vosho.
Thingo: “Haibo mamazi. iVosho wonke.”
Baphiwe: “I am joining that dance class Hlehle. FOMO has me hard on this chair.”
I was lost with that.
Mamazi: “I told you niyangigugisa nina (I am too young).”
Hlelo: “Mamazi this is 40 though.” What she was 7 years older than me but she
had 9 kids? The world was really unfair.
Mamazi: “No one asked you Hlelo.” They laughed
Ndu: “See, I told you they are crazy people.”
Hlelo: “You are just jealous because you cant dance.” We all laughed. I was really
enjoying my time with the Gumedes
Thingo: “About those dance lessons uhm!!” Hlelo laughed
Hlelo: “You and Emma like things. I found a dance class in Joburg we should sign-
up. I also need to lose some holiday fat.”
Emma: “Why are you doing this to me? I am all alone in Pretoria.”
Hlelo: “No one forced you babes. Let Thingo and I shine in peace.”
Thingo: “Thank you.” I laughed.
Ndu: “Zweli this is the guy I was talking about. He is into business so he might be
interested in your proposal.”
Zweli: “Does he understand the stakes and the risks?”
Ndu: “Kahle kakhulu.” I was a bit lost “It was something I was going to call you
and talk to you about but now that you are here might as well.”
Zweli: “Lets go to the study Ndumiso.” We stood up and I followed them to the
house. Thingo wasn’t even concentrating on me. She was busy laughing. We got
in the house and it wow! Everything in it screamed money. Than it came back to
me I was in the house of one of Nathan and Ndu’s mentors. I wanted to meet him
for real now. We got to the study and it happened to be a man cave as well with
Xbox to play station. I think I had found the plan for Thingo’s dreamhouse. “I’ll get
straight to the point. My family grows and distributes weed. I wanna move it to
the next level, Marijuana pill. And I want it to get to the point we distribute to
onchologists.” I was in, he didn’t need to explain further.
Ndu: “The problem he has is that. The family construction company cant be linked
to anything to do with the weed business.”
Zweli: “Yeah. So I need investors. Ndu is already interested so I need 3 more
people. 20% stake.”
Me: “You want to equalize it. Your idea?” it was too good to be true
Zweli: “I know its too good to be true but I care most about distribution. I want it
to be a province thing. If you catch where I am going with this.”
Me: “Ngyakuzwa. A person handles a province or two with overseeing the
distribution.” He nodded.
Zweli: “So Ndu is in. You have to bring someone who might be interested.” It was
Nqobani and Chance.
Me: “I have 2 actually.”
Ndu: “I was also thinking of Thuba.” I nodded. With that mamazi barged in
Mamazi: “haibo Zwelibanzi yin senivalele uHlanga emakhamerweni(Why have you
locked up Hlanga in this room). Come guys the food is ready.”
Zweli: “Siyakulandela AuntyMama (We are right behind you).”
Mamazi: “Now! Zwelibanzi Dube!” with that she left
Zweli: “No one stresses me like that woman.”
Ndu: “Oh please you love her.”
Zweli: “Of course I do. She is raised me that one.” He said with a smile.
Ndu: “I still don’t understand why she’s still AuntyMama.” I laughed
Zweli: “Because she is my mother and my aunt all wrapped in one.” We went to
the foyer where the buffet was set up.
Thingo: “I was about to call you because you just disappeared on me.” She
handed me my plate. She knew how to take care of her man.
Me: “Thank you mama.” She smiled and nodded “Come we’ll share my plate.” We
went to sit down and we enjoyed the braai meat.
Emma: “Ncooh so romantic.” I chose to ignore her. She was getting too much.
Hlelo: “Thank you so much for coming guys. And the car you should see Sbonga
right now.”
Thingo: “Its our pleasure,”
Hlelo: “Kodwa inkinga eningikhandele yona (The problem you've created for me).
Ngathi uzolala kuleya moto mntanam (It looks like my son will sleep in it).” Thingo
and I laughed. “He really loves it plus red is our colour.”
Thingo: “The King deserves the best.” And she smiled. She was a pretty and calm
person. You expect her to be all up in your face with her prettiness and money. I
got a humble vibe from her. I started wondering about the father. With that a
man came to us
Hlelo: “Baba this Thingo, the one Malo and Baya have been raving about. And this
is her husband.”
Baba: “Hawu badliwe oGumede (The Gumedes lost)?” I laughed “Ninjan
ndoda(How are you doing)?” we shook hands
Me: “Siyaphila baba (we good).”
Hlelo: “Guys this Bab’Mnqobi. Remember I told you baba was a twin.” Thingo
nodded
Baba: “Nice to me you Rainbow. Isthembu into yakho noma(Is polygamy your
thing)? Ngoba oGumede bajimile nabo(because the Gumedes work out as well).”
He was crazy this man
Me: “Abajimile le kude (they must workout far away). Izitsha ezifayo lezi (She's my
delicate possession).”
Hlelo: “Baba kodwa. Malo and Baya are kids and Thingo is a grown woman.” He
laughed and left.
Me: “Kanti I am competing with a child.”
Thingo: “Why are you talking about me ngikhona haibo (i am here)?”
Hlelo: “I don’t take anything my younger siblings do, seriously.”
Thingo: “Do you need help with the dishes before we leave or?”
Hlelo: “No we good babe. Don’t worry yourself about it. Unless you are a makoti
haike by all means.”
Me: “haibo Hlelo!!” she laughed and I was get touched a little
Hlelo: “Ngyaxolisa bab’ Mthethwa ngezitsha zakho (your delicate possession).”
Thingo: “Mxm!!” I laughed.
Me: “Let me go talk to Ndu before we leave.” She nodded and I left them. I went
to find Zweli and Ndu stuffing themselves with tripe. I wanted it “There was
tripe?”
Zweli: “yeah, you didn’t get?” I shook my head “Ntokomalo!!” a tall boy came to
us “Awulethe amathumbu ngesitsha (bring more tripe with a dish).” He nodded
and left
Me: “I wanted us to meet properly and discuss the details of the whole deal.”
Zweli: “I was thinking the same thing. I will be more prepared next time and come
with your people.”
Me: “Okay. It has to be soon while I am still in the KZN.”
Zweli: “Of course.” The boy came with a bowl with steamy tripe and steamed
bread. “Nika ubhuti lo(give it to the man).” He handed me the food and I didn’t
waste time.
Ntokomalo: “Bhuti. Siyaya yin kwaMashu (Are we going)?”
Zweli: “Awume Malo ngisabusy (wait I am still busy). Sokhuluma (We'll talk).”
Me: “Wuwu uMalo wodumo(you are the famous Malo). Uthi uThingo wenzen (
what about Thingo)?” he laughed
Malo: “I am going to kill uGugulethu.” He was still laughing “Hayi Grootman,
ngastressi(dont stress). Into enhle iyancowa kwaGumede (it was a complement).
But don't relax, I am not far behind.” I laughed. Ndumiso was right they were
crazy people. I ate up and I went to rinse my hands and I was good to go. Thingo
and I left after we said our goodbyes to so many people. They were a big family
like mine. They turned a kid’s 2nd birthday into something that was almost like a
wedding. We drove back home with my wife.
Me: “I like Hlelo for you.”
Thingo: “I like her too. She is so caring, she is too much of a mother. Than comes
Emma the drama queen.”
Me: “What’s up with her and the Zulu name and speaking Zulu?”
Thingo: “Hlelo says she has an identity crisis. She really wants to be black hay.” I
laughed to think we have coconuts in this world “You’ll be seeing more of her
because we study the same thing and we both just passed our 1st year.”
Me: “Than I wont have to worry about you.” We were home “I didn’t see
Sbonga’s father.”
Thingo: “He rejected them when she was pregnant. Something I am familiar
with.” That made me sad and the way she said it.
Me: “I am sorry.”
Thingo: “Argh. Lets sleep, I am a bit tired.” I think our conversation might have
touched her somehow. We cuddled “Goodnight.”
Me: “Goodnight baby.”

»19«
HLANGA
My father and I were busy cleaning the kraal while the cows were out on the
fields.
Baba: "Hlangalezwe."
Me: "Nyambose."
Baba: "You need to tell Siphosethu the truth." Oh no! "Nkomose is worried about
you and well so am I."
Me: "Nkomose needs to stay out of my business. Baba Siphosethu is not ready for
the truth."
Baba: "No Hlangalezwe you are not ready, you are a ticking time bomb and I
worry that you'll take it so far that the damage you've done won't be fixable."
Baba needs to understand that I am not a teenager anymore. I know what's right
and wrong.
Me: "Baba I am dealing with my anger issues the only way I know how.
Siphosethu and I are happy and digging up the past will just changed that." I don't
think I'll ever be ready to talk about my past.
Baba: "..." he looked at me for way to long "A marriage with lies barely survives
Hlangalezwe."
Me: "Are you telling me uma knows everything about you, what you and Bab'
Thulani did?" He nodded "Baba you promised you wouldn't tell her."
Baba: "Hlangalezwe she's your mother, she had the right to know." I carried on
cleaning while he stood and watched me. I was angry at him "Hlangalezwe there's
a difference between avoiding something and dealing with it."
Me: "Baba I don't want to talk about this anymore." After cleaning the herdboys
did their job while I drove back home. I needed to shower and I found my wife
and a crying Aya "Is everything okay?"
Aya: "Yes. Ngyaxolisa bhut, I'll just go."
Me: "Ayabonga I asked if everything is okay?"
Thingo: "Baby please fetch her a glass of water." She battered her eyelashes, it
was over for me. I went to fetch the glass of water and came back with it.
Aya: "Ngyabonga bhuti." She drank her water "I just found out the man who's
been raising me for 15 years is not my father. Mama lied to us and she doesn't
want to tell who my father is." Wow! Am I crazy for wanting to permanently
remove this woman from the face of earth? "I had my suspensions and the way
she treated me. She wasn't abusive but I wasn't her favourite either."
Me: "I am really sorry to hear that Aya."
Thingo: "Baby can she stay over for the night?"
Me: "Of course, she can stay as long as she needs to."
Aya: "Ngyabonga."
Thingo: "Thank you" she came to kiss me "Baby go shower you have a weird
smell."
Me: "I was on my way there than I found our favorite cousin crying and I thought
argh! the shower can wait." They giggled
Thingo: "We'll be in the main house, while you shower."
Me: "Okay." I pulled her to me as they were about to leave and I whispered
"Sneak out and come help me wash my back"
Thingo: "Nyambose!" I chuckled and they left.
=====
We indeed meet up with Zweli and the boys and we handled business. We spent
almost the whole day strategizing and planning for the whole thing. Chance and
Clive were interested the minute I said weed and business. My woman and I were
back in Jozi now. Aya was better, she's a strong girl. My wife and I were in a good
place but I had to leave her, I had work to do and I had to make money for us.
Zweli’s deal was going to suck me dry but I was going to manage. I wasn’t a
person who wasted money so my saving were good. I owned the apartment we
lived in, a bond was unnecessary. The cars were both paid up and I wasn’t about
to buy new ones while still living in an apartment. My priorities were in the right
place I felt. Like I had said, I had plans for us so I was in the process of buying a
plot for our kids. Then the pond and ducks thing came up.
Nolwazi: “So I did the research you asked for and it look like your girl likes
anything Brazillian. So its Brazil.”
Me: “Oh okay. For how many people?”
Nolwazi: “I don’t know Thingo’s friends. I only know the Aya and the other one.” I
nodded “I am first on that list though.” I laughed, she loved herself too much
Me: “Okay. I will text you the details when I have finalised everything.” She hung
up. I was planning Thingo’s 21st birthday. She made a fuss about mine, it was
braai and everything. Clive had to fly-in since we were still at home. I was a
December baby. So my wife wanted a destination 21st birthday huh? It was best
to just go to a travel agent because I was clueless. We sat down with him and we
spoke about my options and showed tourists attractrions in Brazil to be honest
the only interesting about it was the nearest bar. Anyway we did the whole
process the only thing I had to do was pick the dates and they all depended on
her school schedule. Thingo took her education very seriously and I didn’t want to
be one to stand in her way. So I had to talk to Bheka and Hlelo about that. So I
suggested that we have a braai at the zoo to accommodate Sbonga as well. I
needed his mother’s help so I had to play nice.
Thingo: “Bheka is asking what he should bring.”
Me: “Nothing. What does he drink, and ask Hlelo as well.”
Thingo: “He drinks the same beer you drink and Hlelo and I are on the wine tip.”
Me: “Sbonga?”
Thingo: “Let me find out.” I think she was texting, I was playing video games.
Me: “I was thinking you should apply for a passport.” She giggled
Thingo: “Why, I am not planning on leaving the country anytime soon.” She never
saw the bigger picture sometimes.
Me: “It’s a good thing to have. You are considering on work-shadowing, what if
the case requires you to leave the country?”
Thingo: “Yaz you have a point. I want to get to the workplace prepared baby. I am
applying for it.” My job there was done.
Me: “Good. For once there I thought you were going to be yourself and be
difficult.” Thingo was a difficult human being, I was slowly learning that. She
couldn’t admit to having feelings for me. How difficult can a person be?
Thingo: “Mxm!!” I chuckled. “She said she’ll pack food for him, we shouldn’t
worry.”
Me: “Okay.” I carried on playing “Tell Lonhle as well and Clive.”
Thingo: “Why am I doing all the work, kant ibraai ekaban?”
Me: “I thought you were supportive of me. My hands are tied Thingo lwam. Help
your man out.” she laughed
Thingo: “”You are an idiot Hlangalezwe haisuka!! Emotional blackmail over fifa,
mxm.” I laughed. “Once we have kids ngyayvala(I am shutting it down).”
Me: “Hawu why?”
Thingo: “It takes away your attention from things.” She sighed “Like now you are
not even paying attention to the fact that I am in my underwear.” I turned and
looked her like The Flash. And she laughed, she was still in her jeans.
Me: “mxm!! Uyaphapha Siphosethu.”
Thingo: “That’s why ngizoyvala(that's why I am shutting it down). I don’t want an
absent baby daddy.” I paused it and made her sit on my lap
Me: “Firstly, I will never be absent for whatever reason. Our kids will be so loved
they’ll even say we are annoying.” She giggled and I kissed her cheek “I will never
be a baby daddy. You and I are married.”
Thingo: “I am the law and the law says we aren’t.” oh no was this my life now? I
don’t think I like it.
Me: “You will leave that law and order of yours at the security gate, I don’t even
want it close to my door.” She laughed and part of me meant it. I had this other
life that she didn’t know about, and I couldn’t tell her. She wasn’t ready.
Thingo: “I might as well pack my bags and go. I am the law remember.”
Me: “Mxm!!” I put her back on the couch. She laughed, Thingo loved getting me
worked up and I played right into her hands.
Thingo: “Wena you’ll die before your time. You need to chill.” She kissed my
cheek “I am going to marinate the meat. Oh Clive is in Kimberly and Lonhle says
he’ll meet us there with mo Tswana wagage.” I laughed, Thingo was full of
surprises though and what was Clive doing in Kimberly now?
Me: “Haibo since when do you talk Tswana?”
Thingo: “I am a very accommodating person Nyambose. We cant subject the poor
kid to just Zulu, we have to meet her halfway.”
Me: “Sorry, she comes with too much baggage.” We laughed. I was too old to
learn a whole different language. I understood what I understood, if I didn’t
English please. Midday we drove to fetch Hlelo and Sbonga and we drove to the
zoo. Thingo and Hlelo set up a nice picnic thing for us, after a while Lonhle and his
woman joined us followed by Bheka. He came with speakers and I was subjected
to house music. It was better than quiet I guess. I listened to soulful music mostly
so yeah I wasn’t at my happiest.
Hlelo: “Oh my I cant get over this picture. This is for the gram “Caption: King of
the jungle vs King of my heart.” She really loved her son.
Thingo: “You make me want to have a baby. I swear.” It was a picture of Sbonga
and a lion. I wanted that moment as well I wont lie.
Bokang: “I cant get over his adorableness. Can I borrow him for a day nyana.” She
was holding him and Sbonga was playing with her hair.
Lonhle: “You know we can make our own right? No borrowing or stealing babies
at the mall.” We laughed. “Its not funny, Bokang wachishe wasibobisa bafo. She
went to a baby at the shop and picked her up from the pram and started playing
with like it was hers.” We laughed, there was something about babies, I was
slowly seeing that. I mean I was interested in everything Sbonga did and he wasn’t
even mine.
Bokang: “Kahle idrama Mpilo hawu. But that baby wanted me to take her.” We
were chilling and enjoying our Saturday afternoon with no stress in the world.
Bheka: “I should take this kid with me, to help me pick up girls.” We laughed “I
usually do that with my 3 year old sister. I tell a sob story about the mother being
mentally unstable to take care of her, so its just me and her.” We laughed and the
guy had a serious face.
Hlelo: “Oh my word you are evil Bheka!!” we were still laughing “Is that why my
brothers are always eager to go grocery shopping with him and insist I stay at
home?” he nodded while sipping his beer
Bheka: “Works like a charm. Especially to older women.”
Thingo: “You are insane.”
Hlelo: “Sbonga is not leaving my sight ever again.” We laughed
Thingo: “I am coming back.” She stood up and went to the bathroom.
Me: “Oh thank you. I thought she wouldn’t leave.” They all looked at me shook. I
laughed “I am organising a 21st birthday for her. She wants to go to Brazil. So you
two.” I was pointing at Bheka and Hlelo “Are Santa’s little helpers.” Hlelo’s
screamed inexcitement. She was a liker of things this one.
Hlelo: “Command I am your elf Nyambose. What do you need from me?”
Me: “Class schedule and whatever that might cause this trip not to happen. And
jah I want her to be totally surprised so clothes whatever are on you, ill pay.”
Bheka: “Mina nginenaph?”
Me: “You will help Hlelo. My wife is one difficult human being guys so good luck.”
They laughed “Oh yah here’s Nolwazi’s number, she is also part of the planning.
Be sneaky and discreet because if she finds out. You die.” I really didn’t want her
to see it coming.
Bokang: “I want to be part of the planning as well.”
Me: “You are then.” She was so happy, she so young. The weird thing though is I
didn’t see Thingo that way and she was just two years older.
Hlelo: “I’ll start a whatsapp group and we’ll talk there.” I trusted her, she was
going to be handle it.
Me: “Please don’t add me. Just tell me when you need money and I am going to
need that schedule soon, I need to do the bookings.” She nodded “And all of you
get your passports ready.” With that she came back and we changed the topic.
We carried on listening to music and the meat was Lonhle and Bheka’s job while
Thingo and Hlelo were on dish up. The sun was starting to set and we packed our
things
Bheka: “Thank you for today Diniswayo.”
Me: “Don’t mention it. I must say I didn’t like you the first time I heard your
name, I didn’t trust you but it turns out I was wrong. I man enough to admit that.”
Bheka: “Its understandable. If roles were reserved I’d probably acted the same.”
He was a man.
Me: “Kuhleke Khumalo. I am trusting you about the other thing.”
Bheka: “Of course.” He got in his car and left.
Lonhle: “What do you need me to do?”
Me: “When I think of something I will hit you up.” He nodded “We talk on the
phone than.”
Lonhle: “Sharp” we both got into our cars and left. We first dropped Sbonga and
Hlelo home and we drove home.
Me: “How would you feel if we moved to an estate like Hlelo’s?”
Thingo: “You want us to move? Its fine I guess but I have always had this idea that
we’ll move when we have found ourselves and ready for the commitment thing.”
I was committed to this stubborn woman, yes I might fuck around but she was it
for me. Maybe it was time I stopped half-assing things and be in it, I mean I was
already married to her.
Me: “That’s also an idea but I kinda feel like the apartment has gotten small. It
was just me when I moved in. I also see how you struggle with studying on the
counter, so I was thinking of getting us a house with a study.” She smiled
Thingo: “Nyambose I love the fact that you worry about me more than I worry
about myself. Kodwa indlu is too much, we have the apartment and its working
for us.” She will never agree with me on anything that has to do with money.
Me: “I am not saying its not working Thingo lwam. All I want you to consider is
space. My family and yours cant visit us at the same time if they wanted to.”
Thingo: “And uMa has been on my case about visiting.”
Me: “So what do you say?”
Thingo: “Lets just wait a bit.” This was never going to happen.
Me: “I don’t see the point on waiting baby.” I had to control the situation because
it was never going to happen. “So please get real estate agent and do your thing.
Whatever you like let me know and I will take it from there.”
Thingo: “Okay but we are keeping the apartment not selling it.” she commanded,
she even used a finger.
Me: “Of course mamasekhaya.” We hugged and I kissed her forhead. We watched
Keeping up with the Kardashians, I swear that family made me want to not have a
television in the house because that’s the only thing Thingo watched.
Thingo: “Scott and Khloe’s relationship is really weird.”
Me: “mmmh.” I couldn’t fake interest even if you paid me. I had to sit and watch, I
subjected her to soccer highlights and video games and she never complained.
After some time we went to bed with my wife. I loved Thingo, I loved her and
everything about her.
»19«
CONTINUED
AZANDE
Things were moving in slow motion. I was there physically but my head was
somewhere else. How could this happen, to my mama of all people?
Me: "Guys." I called my cousins to mama's room and I sat them down "Mama is
gone and she's not coming back." Sphe had been quiet since I got there. Sonke
and Lethu were just so confused by the chaos at home. "But you are not alone,
we are in this together okay?"
Them: "Okay"
Me: "We'll figure things out, I promise." I pulled them into a hug "I love you."
Them: "Love you too." I needed to get my shit together, for them. And it started
by me planning the best send off for mama.
Sphe: "Sisi what's going to happen now."
Me: "Get some rest Sphe and we'll talk in the morning."
Sphe: "Okay." I left them. Mama died on the 16th of December second worst day
of my life. She was shot twice in her abdomen and chest. She didn't even make it
to the hospital. Mama didn't have enemies, she was a good Christian woman. It
was just a matter of being at the right place at the wrong time. She was in the
same street I grew up in and no one has ever been killed before. She was walking
home from the spaza shop to buy airtime when suddenly gunshots and bullets
started flying according to the neighbors. Apparently it was a taxi war and mama
was collateral damage. I don't think I'll ever recover the loss of my surrogate
mother. Moving on from the loss of my birth mother was easier because mama
was everything my mother was and the gap was filled. Even at 31 years old your
parent is your parent and you will forever need them. At that moment I needed
her to guide me from getting through the funeral to raising my cousins because I
am all they had.
Baba: "Mafungwase." I just went up to him and cried. "I am really sorry about
mama, she was a good woman."
Me: "Thank you and she really was."
Baba: "You are not alone in this. I am here to help." I kept on nodding while I
wiped my tears.
Me: "Ngyabonga baba" while he was consoling me the whole Jele family came in.
Two of my aunts and baba's wife and Sisanda who came with her mother. Their
support was amazing throughout that week. I don't know if it was God's plan or
what for somehow making Sakhiseni want to mend our broken relationship
months before mama's sudden death. The man was great support throughout the
whole ordeal. Mxolisi and Zola came to the funeral, he had been working
overtime since it was December and people were reckless and the crime rate
escalated during the festive season according to him, so he couldn't come to help
me with the funeral preparations.
Sanda: "Big sis." That's what she called me from the time we met at one of the
Jele ceremonies. I am 3 years older than her. I looked her "I am worried about
you. You dont eat or talk."
Me: "I am not fine Sisanda, mama is gone and I am lost."
Sanda: "That's understandable. She was your pillar but you have to figure it out
Azande for the kids. They're depending on you."
Me: "I know. Let's go bury mama and we'll talk about my options."
Sanda: "Okay. I love you okay and I'll help you anyway I can."
Me: "I love you too and thank you." We hugged and I got dressed in an all black
outfit. The church mama went to handled everything. From the memorial service
to the funeral. They made things easy for me. They spoke well of her, I didn't have
the strength to say anything so I wrote it down and Sphe read it. She cried the
whole time and it broke my heart. The funeral was beautiful considering and
everything went well. People left and we were left with our thoughts and the pain
came back, she was really gone.
Mxo: "How are you holding up?"
Me: "Ive been better, how are you doing?"
Mxo: "I am fine and I am here for you okay?"
Me: "Okay and thank you." We sat in complete silence.
======
Me: "Guys we need to discuss what's going to happen when the year starts."
Sphe: "You mean school?"
Me: "And living arrangements. I have to go back to work."
Sonke: "You are going to leave us alone sisi, ngeke." I giggled, she was growing up.
Me: "Of course not. I was thinking we should all move to Joburg and rent this
house out."
Sphe: "I liked that idea."
Lethu: "Sohlala nawe sisi(are we going to stay with you)?"
Me: "Yes. I will get a bigger place so that you can have your own rooms." The time
for me to buy a house came, I had been avoiding a bond for years now.
Sonke: "Okay sohamba nawe ke sisi(We'll go with you)." Like she had a choice.
She was busy playing with my hair that time.
Me: "So what do want us to do for Christmas, do want a braai or for Sphe and I to
cook?"
Lethu: "Ngifuna iwors mina(I want wors)" he loved it.
Sphe: "Braai please with chakalaka."
Me: "Okay we'll go to town tomorrow." We carried on talking about meaningless
things, Lethu and Sonke fighting over the remote, this was my life now and I kinda
liked it. Christmas came and passed. With the kids and I bonding and searching for
houses in my price range on Sphe's phone. Mine was off and I liked it that way. I
wasn't in the right state of mind to deal with people. After Christmas we started
packing, I hadn't found a place yet but we were moving anyway. I needed to find a
school for them and I had found a tenant for the house through a neighbor. I
didn't have a plan, I was taking the day as it comes. That's all I could handle
anyways. New year's eve a mover's truck came and we left. I put mama's things in
storage and they moved in my one bedroom flat. They seemed happy and they
were adjusting well. Kids were too innocent man, I was slowly dying because of
the pain and all they were worried about was pizza or burgers. I wanted to be
young again and have no care in the world.
=====
I found a school for them and schools in Johannesburg were ridiculously
expensive and since I had 3 kids, it was worse. I couldn't afford a bond so we were
just going to rent a 2 bedroom flat instead and it was close to their school so I
didn't need to worry about a nanny.
Mxo: "My mother is planning my father's 60th birthday party and she invited us."
Me: "That's nice of her but baby I can't go, who'll watch the kids while we go to
Mpumalanga?"
Mxo: "Hawu baby, Sphe's is old enough. She always watches them when you at
work." Was Mxolisi serious, it was just a party.
Me: "I can't go. Sonke has a project I need to help her with." I wasn't lying, being a
parent/ guardian was a full time job. "Sphe has netball match this weekend."
Mxo: "Oh okay." He was being his passive aggressive self.
Me: "What do you want to say Mxolisi? Since you got here you've been in a
mood."
Mxo: "Its just that I wasnt prepared for this, our life together didn't involve kids
Azande."
Me: "Wow!! They're my family, my siblings what did you think was going to
happen when our mother died?"
Mxo: "..."
Me: "Leave my house, come back when you thinking straight!" I went to open the
door for him "Leave!!"
Mxo: " Baby I am sorry." He went the door and I closed it "I love you Azande" I
locked it and went back to the couch. How can one human being be so
insensitive. We had dinner courtesy of Sphe and we later went to bed after they
did their homework. Next morning I got ready for work while they got ready for
school. I dropped them off and they walked back after school. That was our
routine.
Nurse: "Chief there's someone at the waiting area for you."
Me: "Okay thanks." I got up and went there and it was my loser boyfriend. Things
have been stagnant since mama died, I don't know if its me or it was him who was
changing. He didn't care the way he did. The flowers and endless texts have
stopped coming.
Mxo: "Baby I am sorry." I nodded "Things haven't been the best, admit it"
Me: "I am still trying to adjust Mxolisi. Things are not like before. Instead of being
needy why aren't you helping me through it?"
Mxo: "Azande those kids didn't make themselves, where are their fathers?"
Me: "So this is what you came here for? Fuck you Mxolisi nxa!"
Mxo: "No Azande this is me helping you out. You shouldn't be carrying this
burden alone."
Me: "Not everyone is blessed with both parents Mxolisi. What you just said has
made me realized that you are spoilt."
Mxo: "Come on Azande."
Me: "Its true and there's nothing wrong with it but its unfair of you to expect
things to be a certain way just because it will benefit you somehow. This is my life
now Mxolisi, with those 3 kids." I sighed "Sphe's father died a few years back.
Sonke and Lethu's father walked out of mama's life when she was 6 months
pregnant was never heard of again. I wouldn't know where to look for him and
honestly I dont think it's necessary. I am here for them."
Mxo: "I am sorry Azande, I didn't know."
Me: "And you didn't ask properly either. Please leave my place of work Mxolisi." I
walked away. Men are so selfish man!!
=====
Bongi: "Mngan wam kodwa, you've lost so much weight."
Me: "Stress does that. I have been so caught up in my messy life that I haven't
congratulated you on the pregnancy."
Bongi: "Argh mama died, I understand. I came to see how you doing since your
phone is hardly on."
Me: "I am copying and the kids are well adjusted now."
Bongi: "That's great. I am proud of you, you handle this whole thing like a pro."
Me: "I surprised myself too mngan. Thank you for your support."
Bongi: "I will always have your back babe." We smiled at each other. While we
bonding over wine and fruit juice for the pregnant lady my phone rang and it was
an unsaved number
Me: "Hello"
Voice: "So what must I do? Mxolisi I love you. And the past few.."
Voice 2: "Zola you can't" that was Mxolisi's voice, I could spot it anywhere. "The
past few months was just sex Nokuzola. I love Azande."
Me: "WTF!!" I put it on loudspeaker
Zola: "When will you stop lying to yourself. What you and Big mama have is not
real Mxolisi. I know I rejected you 3 years ago but I wasn't ready Mxo please
understand, I am ready now. This what our parents have always wanted."
Mxo: "I know, Zola you broke my heart." Bongi hung up. I looked at her, I still
needed to hear more
Bongi: "You are crying, I think you've heard enough."
Me: "He never loved me, didn't he?"
Bongi: "..." she looked at me with so much pity.
Me: "I honestly don't have the energy to fight him. I didn't do anything wrong
either so I won't feel bad, the only thing I am hurt about now is that he was
stringing me along." I was convincing myself more than anything. I needed the
pity in Bongi's face to go away
Bongi: "The hurt is understandable."
Me: "I can't afford to break down right now Bongiwe, Mxolisi doesn't deserve me
and I deserve better." I was deeply hurt, to a point that I finished two bottles of
wine that night. I cried for all the pain I was feeling, it was too much for one
person. The next morning I blocked Mxolisi's number and deleted everything that
reminded me of our relationship, there's no hearing him out or finding closure.
After Thapelo's heartbreak I was somehow a pro at moving on. I don't know if
there was something written on my forehead that said cheat on Azande. Zola
wanted me to hear the truth and I glad she did because I had been beating myself
up for not being a good girlfriend. Everything happens for a reason, I was learning
that and at that moment I realized that I was better off without Mxolisi.

»20«
HLELO
Baba finally agreed to let Simosihle meet his mother. After I had begged him for 3
whole months and Simo wasn't letting me rest about the whole situation. My
brother really wanted to meet his mother and I am sure he had a lot of questions.
Baba: "I understand you being an older sister and I happy that you taking the
responsibility for that but you've opened a can of worms Gugulethu even I can't
deal with."
Me: "Baba I am sure it's not bad."
Mamazi: "Hlehle Simo is going to need us more when he finds out the truth, be
prepared for that."
Me: "Okay, I am sure he can handle it. He really wants this"
Baba: "It would've been better if he wanted another gadget like always." He
sighed.
Mamazi: "This was bound to happen at some point, I had hoped that he'll be older
and maybe wiser. Hayi asazi(we do not know)." She stood up and left baba and I.
My parents were both not fine about the whole situation of finding Simo's mother
and honestly I was even more eager to find out what they were hiding.
Baba: "Tell your brother we will leave first thing in the morning." I was their
mediator now. Simo wasn't talking to baba because of this whole thing. It was so
unlike baba to allow such disrespect.
Me: "Okay." I stood up and I went to find him and Sbonga watching Barney. He
was so bored. That's the only thing we watched when Sbonga is around. "We
leave first thing in the morning."
Simo: "Really?" I nodded. He came up to me and hugged me. He was so tall,
actually all my siblings were taller than me. "Thank you for coming through for me
big sis."
Nosipho: "I thought I was your big sis." We all laughed. She came in with popcorn
and we started eating.
Simo: "You didn't want to help me out, so you've been stripped off the big sis
title."
Nosipho: "Suka! You seem to forget that I used to wipe both your asses."
Me: "Hayi awume!" We were still laughing. "Simo you need to get over yourself
and go thank baba for agreeing."
Simo: "You are all coming with me right?"
Ndalo: "Of course." All my siblings came in the cinema.
Sasa: "I have questions for your mother actually, ukuth wayekshiya nathi kuthi
sikwenzen thina(She left you with us, what are we to do with you)?" Simo hit her
while she was laughing. That was their relationship. They always fought but it was
harmless.
Simo: "Let me go talk to Qwabe. We leave first thing in the morning."
Malo: "Shap!" He left room and we carried on watching Barney.
Malo: "Kanti lo Barney eyakhe ivioce ayishi yin, safa!(doesn't he lose his voice, its
unbearable)."
Sbonga: "Barney lume." He clapped his hands out of excitement. My son was
growing up so much, I couldn't imagine life with him anymore
Sasa: "Yes King bae. I love you"
Sasa&Sbonga: "You love me." It was a catchy song
Us: "We are a happy family. With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you. Wont
you say you love me too?" The King was so happy and laughing, it gave me great
joy. "I love you, you love me. We're best friends like friends should be. With a
great big hug. And a kiss from me to you. Won't you say you love me too?" We've
watched the Barney dvd too many times so yeah we all knew the lyrics. The
afternoon went pretty well and we later had dinner and went to sleep while my
older brothers went out. Their lives were busy and I didn't understand with what
hadn't started with classes. The following day we had breakfast as a family like
always and we got ready to go see Simo's mother.
Simo: "Baba What's her surname? I only know that Fezeka is her name."
Baba: "Fezeka Zondi."
Simo: "What else can you tell me about her?"
Baba: "Simosihle." He was able to get deep "Your mother and I never had a
relationship, so I don't know her that well."
Mamazi: "You just have to start from scratch Simosihle. All the questions you are
asking baba, ask her."
Simo: "Okay."
Baba: "We are here."
Sasa: "What? All this time she's been right under our nose." Yeah she stayed
eMlazi.
Simo: "Hawu baba."
Baba: "Are you coming or are you going to waste time on unnecessary things?"
We all got off the car and we followed baba into the yard. The atmosphere
changed. Simo was all of a sudden quiet. It was an old RDP house and kids were
playing outside, they were so dirty. An old woman came out. She had a drinking
problem you could tell plus the yard was full of alcohol bottles.
Woman: "Yinike manje Qophelo oh subone ukuth uvele uze nalo lonke vucu
lwakho(what is it now, you saw fit to bring all your kids with)."
Baba: "Fezeka our son wants to me meet you." She laughed sarcastically
"Simosihle this is your mother."
Simo: "Sawubona ma."
Fezeka: "Yay!! yay!! Angiyena unyoko(I am not your mother). Yes I gave birth to
you and my job ended there." Wow! I never saw this coming. Why was she so
rude.
Mamazi: "Fezeka you dont have to be like this. "
Fezeka: "Qophelo thatha lemhlola yakho uphume kwam(Take your kids and leave
my house)." Simo walked back to the car and we all followed him leaving the
parents behind who were still reasoning with Fezeka. We got to the car and my
brother was crying. I finally understood why they didn't want him to meet his
mother, she was pycho clearly. Simo didn't deserve this.
Simo: "Hlehle is there something wrong with me?" My poor brother. Suddenly I
was scared for Sbonga, what if he also pushes the idea of meeting his father.
Melisizwe had already rejected us before he was born, I don't think I'll handle him
rejecting him face to face. I brushed of that whole idea and focused on my
brother.
Me: "Of course not Gumede. You are the greatest."
Sasa: "You are the greatest big brother a girl could ever ask for. Fezeka doesn't
know what she's missing out on." Mind you they were 3 months apart.
Simo: "Of course you are going to say that, you love me too much." We laughed.
Alime: "I am sorry for what happened back there bafo."
Simo: "Ngyabonga but I don't want to talk about it." That was understandable.
The parents came back and baba signalled Simo to come outside. They spoke
about whatever next thing they were both crying. I had never seen baba show
that kind of emotion, it broke my heart. I went to hug both of them. Next thing all
my siblings came and we were all group hugging in the streets of uMlazi. That
whole situation left us very emotional. We eventually let go and we got into the
car and left. I regretted pushing the whole thing but all of this still begged the
question, why did Fezeka want nothing to do with Simo? There had to be a
reason.
=====
Life had to go on somehow, Simo was suddenly quiet. He wasn't himself, we were
all worried about him. Being quiet was so unlike him, Simo was talkative and he
always had something to say about everything.
Me: "I am worried about him, I hate to leave him like this." He was lying on the
couch with headsets on and untouched food on the table. The other thing that
convinced me that he wasn't fine was the fact that he wasn't eating.
Mamazi: "Hlehle you've already missed a week of school over this. I am here and I
am looking out for him. He just needs time."
Me: "Mamazi why doesn't Fezeka want him?"
Mamazi: "Hlelo some people are just broken. She never bonded with him even
after giving birth to him. Your father was the one who took care of him."
Me: "Mamazi did baba cheat on you with Simo's mother." She just nodded. I had
to drop this. "Okay." My mother was a brave woman for taking in and raising a
child that was a result of baba's infidelity. In all honesty I am glad she did, I
couldn't imagine life without Simo. He was my brother and I loved him. " Sbonga
and I will take the first flight out tomorrow."
Simo: "Thank you for staying Hlehle, I will be fine." He hugged me from the back
and went to drink water and put the food in the microwave
Mamazi: "Please eat at least five spoons. Ngyakcela Gumede." She was pleading
with him "Just five nje."
Simo: "Okay." He warmed it and ate more than 5 spoons. That made us happy
actually. He wasn't taking care of himself. "I love you Ndlovukazi." Aaah! He might
have wanted to find his birth mother but they had a special bond. "I love you too
Hle"
Me: "I love you so so much." He finished his food and left. "He's going to be fine."
Mamazi: "He is. He just needs time." We carried on talking about life and plans for
the year. I was ready to kick second year's butt. I didn't have plans for that year
actually, it was just me and my son and me working towards building a life for us.
Thingo and Bheka were my new friends in Joburg and I didn't need more, Emma
will forever be my ride or die. The following day Sbonga and I flew to Joburg and
Alime picked us up. I had a lot of catching up to do with regards to my timetable
and textbooks but I was ready. My friendship with Thingo was blossoming and I
couldn't be happier, I needed people like her around me. All in all I was a happy
girl and what made me the happiest was because it wasn't because of a man. I
was single and happy.

»20«
CONTINUED
HLANGA
Me: “Nathan we are not working with that man. I don’t trust him.”
Nathan: “Hlanga he is bringing us good business.”
Ndu: “Trust is very dangerous in this game Hlangalezwe, you know that.”
Nqobani: “You have to give us more than that Hlanga. Why don’t you want us to
work with him?” I couldn’t tell them. My job was on the line if this got out. I took
my things and stood up.
Me: “Consider me out if you agree to work with Marko.” I left them. My double
life was catching up with me and I was at a crossroad but atleast here I had a
choice. Nqobani didn’t know about this because he hasn’t found out yet. Before I
got to my car Chance yelled my name “Yini Thuba.”
Chance: “Id think maybe in the 20 something years I have known you, you’ll at
least acknowledge the fact that I know you.” I looked at him “Are you going to be
a boy about it or are we going to deal with it like men?” I needed to think things
through, I wasn’t prepared for what Nathan said to us.
Me: “Give me a day.” He nodded, I got into my car and drove home. I found
Thingo cooking. “What are we having, I am starving?”
Thingo: “Sawubona Hlangalezwe, ngyaphila nam.” She was so extra sometimes
and nothing good came after when she addressed as Hlangalezwe.
Me: “I am sorry baby.” we kissed “Are you good?”
Thingo: “Im great and you?”
Me: “I am starving.”
Thingo: “Food will be ready in 10 minutes, calm down.” I nodded and went to the
couch. “So my birthday is coming up, are you going to be here or should I accept
that I am spending it alone.” The plan was to act as if we didn’t know her birthday
was coming up.
Me: “When is it?” she was a bit disappointed. That’s was for all the times she got
me worked up.
Thingo: “Next Saturday. You didn’t know?”
Me: “I really didn’t, I wish you had told me sooner baby. I would’ve changed my
schedule. It looks like you’ll be spending it alone but I will make it up to you I
promise.”
Thingo: “Its okay.” She sounded so disappointed, I felt bad but I couldn’t ruin my
own surprise. Things were going well on that front everything was booked and
everyone had their passports including Aya and Snothi. Delegating helped
because Hlelo and Bheka had things sorted as well. Nqobani wasn’t coming
something about a girlfriend and a work function. My boy was finally growing up,
I was happy for him. My food came and I dived in, Thingo was good in the kitchen.
While I was watching the news a knock came in. “I will get it.” She went to get it
and I carried on watching tv. I heard Chance’s voice and I stood up to go check
Ndu: “Are you going to come willingly or should we tase you?” I was a bit shook
but he showed me a taser.
Thingo: “Haibo, kwenzakalani (What's happening)?”
Chance: “Thingo lwakhe, he is coming with us.”
Me: “Baby I will be back, okay.” She didn’t say anything “Ngyeza (I am coming).” I
kissed her and left
Thingo: “Hlangalezwe, your phone.” I went back to take it “Call me.” she was
worried
Me: “I will.” I left the house “And than nina?”
Ndu: “We cant talk now.” We got into Ndu’s car and we drove back to the
Warehouse.
Nathan: “You are pissing me off Hlanga. I don’t know what your problem is but I
know it is costing us money. So quit this or be done.”
Me: “I did say I was done if you work with Marko.”
Chance: “Hlangalezwe you know something and I am also getting pissed off now.
Yin ufuna sikuncenge(You want us to beg you). I thought we are in this together.”
We in it together, that’s why I was sabotaging it. I didn’t want them to be involved
with that guy.
Ndu: “I called in mediators, I don’t have the patience to beg someone who is not
my wife.” Nqobani was quiet all this time. I needed to think and them dragging
me back there wasn’t helping with my thinking process. It was best to shut up and
let them say whatever they felt. Nathan was going on about how this merger was
suppose to be a way to gain more power and we had it. Ndu kept on saying we
are not moving forward until I was in.
Chance: “Ndumiso did you vet this guy?”
Ndu: “Of course. Background check everything, he is clean as an arms dealer
should be.” If only they knew what coming for him. After a while a group of grown
men old enough to be my father came in. I wasn’t prepared for this, it was them
Nathan’s mentors. They looked so respectable, and I remember the twins from
the birthday party. We all greeted each other and they say down. Nathan
introduced us, I knew their names now not just faces.
Quinton: “First born. I was sitting at home enjoying my scotch whiskey this better
be good.” Nathan brushed his head, he really respected this guy.
Ndu: “Its best you intervene bhuti ngoba we are dealing with a hot head here.” I
was the hot head I believe.
Mnqobi: “Hawu!! Wena(you)?” I nodded “Khulumani phela Ndumiso, yin
inkinga(talk, what's the problem)?”
Nqobani: “Nathan came with a client proposing that we take him. Hlanga yena
uthi he doesn’t want to work with the guy.”
Chance: “Reasons still unclear.”
Ndu: “I vetted the guy, his business runs well like a well oiled machine.”
Nathan: “Plus its good business. He has connections, if we work well with him he
might refer us.”
Lungelo: “Manje yin inkinga ke Hlangalezwe? Hawu Mthethwa.” He said with a
smile I nodded. He seemed chilled
Me: “I don’t think working with Marko is a good idea for us right now. I also don’t
trust him especially after Anton.” I had to be convincing. Chance narrated Anton’s
story “I guess I will say I have trust issues with South America right now.” I really
did
Qophelo: “Tell me where do you see yourselves in lets say 10 years and please
answer honestly.”
Nathan: “In a sense of work or personal?”
Lungelo: “Both. Anything that is you.” One by one we said where and what we’ll
be doing in 10 years “And you?” he was point at Nqobani. Nqobani: “I tend to not
plan too far ahead, I haven’t had much luck by doing that so I take it per year and
see where I end up.”
Que: “That is sad. But if it works for you okay.” He nodded “You are a part of this
family now, and families grow and evolve. Where do you see this family going?”
We kept quiet
Qophelo: “That’s the problem right there. You just want to go where there is
money. Well money is everywhere, so what does that mean for you?” he had a
point, we couldn’t go everywhere, it was impossible.
Mnqobi: “Nathan, Ndumiso, Chancellor.” He smiled unlike his twin “Yes I am
going to name all of you. Hlangalezwe and Nqobani, you chose to get married.”
We laughed “And in marriage you work together, alongside each other. Not one
dictating and the other following.” Eish they were talking about me.
Qophelo: “Before we go any further bafo. We start with traditions or culture even
certain practices. Such things exist to avoid conflict. So set your rules and
practices one that work for you guys.”
Siya: “Rule #1 leave no stone unturned. Hlanga if you are going to keep things
from people who have your back makes me wonder if you have theirs. So talk
about it good, bad and ugly.” He hadn’t said anything since they entered the room
and the 1st time he spoke he made sense
Que: “You are in this together and no one is getting out so grow up.”
Hlanga: “Obaba baqinisile. I should trust you enough to know that you’ll handle
anything I throw at you.” They nodded and I looked at Nqobani “Ndoda I am
coming clean.”
Nqobani: “That’s what this is about?” I nodded. He knew what I was talking about.
Me: “I am a secret spy for the UN.”
Them: “Shit!! What?”
Nqobani: “yeah me too.” They were all shook and I had to carry on with my story
Me: “My current assignment as we speak is to recruit a woman by the name of
Sofia Mendez and turn her against her husband for information.”
Ndu: “Woah! Wait as in Marko Mendez?” I nodded
Nathan: “Fuck Hlanga!! I almost went ahead with this.”
Me: “I am glad you didn’t. And that woman knows everything about her
husband’s operations. She wants out and they only way you leave Marko is with a
body bag. So The UN offered her and her son a chance to defect here in SA for
information.” Had Nathan gone ahead with smuggling his guns, he was going
down with him.
Mnqobi: “I am still on the fact thet spies exists.”
Nqobani: “You are looking at two of them.”
Qophelo: “This is advantage I think. You two are inside men.”
Me: “But it wont always be me, that’s what worries me.”
Lungelo: “You have a point.”
Nqobani: “But we could always investigate. uNdumiso does his thing and we also
do ours.”
Nathan: “For every fricken client Hlanga!” he was really worked up.
Siya: “I called Vincent. These boys need him.”
Qophelo: “They do.”
Ndu: “So Marko is out right?” we all nodded, he wasn’t worth the risk.
Me: “Guys I am sorry, I really thought I was saving your asses without implicating
my job.”
Qophelo: “Don’t make a mistake of thinking you can separate the two. If you are a
spy you are spy even to your team and if you are shady you a shady spy.”
Lungelo: “Its true. A double life is risky it best to have it all out in the open.”
Que: “Of course not in the UN.” We nodded. I had to tell Thingo about this life at
some point.
Qophelo: “I am leaving, I am sure Nkanyezi is spitting fire as we speak.”
Mnqobi: “That one is dramatic.”
Qophelo: “And I love her dramatic as she is.” He said with a smile.
Siya: “Dramatic is an understatement. She is crazy, that tiny woman put laxative
in our food for supporting your crazy. I still have trust issues when it comes to her
food.” They all laughed
Ndu: “Mamazi is the best.” What? They were talking about Hlelo’s mother. He
must be the father than but Hlelo looks nothing like her parents
Qophelo: “Mxm!” he really didn’t like Ndu, I guess he tolerated him “I am out, call
me when Vincent gets here.”
Nathan: “There is no airspace.”
Qophelo: “I am taking the first flight out. Nathan you are too spoilt man.” He left.
Que: “You see boys, if you are going to make it in this world. You cant be an island
and you need to accept that not everything is about you. You will never run the
country in the shadows, or take it down if you are going to control everything.”
Lungelo: “Nathan you know this. We cant all be leaders, some are just meant to
follow. It’s a fact and there is nothing wrong with following.”
Siya: “You two know what we are capable of and I think you are more capable
than us, I mean the UN is with you in this room.” What were they talking about?
Nqobani: “I don’t understand.”
Mnqobi: “It’s a story for another day. For now I need sleep and lucky for me I
have kids in Jozi.”
Siya: “I am coming with you.”
Que: “We are all coming.”
Siya: “I will be in touch when he lands.” We nodded and they left.
Nathan: “Chance they were right. We need rules and tradition.” We all nodded
“Those are the most powerful men in SA right now and we get to benefit from
them. So whatever this Vincent person coming with we are taking it.”
Chance: “I am with you on that one.”
Me: “I am in. For now I need to get back home, you kidnapped me remember.”
They laughed “And wena, a girlfriend? When?” he laughed as we were all walking
out.
Nqobani: “Its still in the infant stage but I am liking where its headed.” I nodded
“You will meet her when the time is right.”
Me: “Okay. I am happy for you man.” I patted his back.
Nqobani: "Mimi has feelings now." He was so bored telling me this. I just laughed
"I am glad you find it funny, I am just indifferent. I mean there's a little bit of care
but Mimi has complicated my life too much. Ngeke sbali."
Me: "So what did you say to her?"
Nqobani: "Nothing. I just ate the food she cooked for me and I left."
Me: "She cooked for you?"
Nqobani: "Ngyatsela ntwana. Dombolo ne nyama(I am telling you. Steamed bread
and meat) She went all out yena but for the wrong guy." I laughed, Nqobani's life
was complicated and I don't know how he was handling it because I would've
survived.
Me: "I hope she respects your new relationship."
Nqobani: "Me too. I'll see around ntwana."
Me: "Sharp." We got in the cars and we left. After coming clean about being a spy,
I felt at ease. I had never told anyone about it, maybe my wife needed to know
what she was dealing with.
THINGO
This why I have issues about trusting men. First it was my father bailing out on my
mother and I, then comes uncle Sthelo with his barely present fathering and
throwing money at my aunt. Now turns out I was married to someone who only
cared about himself. I thought Hlanga would make a big deal about my birthday
after I made a big deal about his. I went all out guys, ma and I planned the perfect
get together with the cousins he grew up with and Nqobani flew in not forgetting
the food I had prepared, men are trash nxa!
Me: “So guys I was thinking we do something special this weekend. Hlanga is
working so yeah we can go all out.”
Hlelo: “What is so special about this weekend?” she wasn’t even paying attention
to me, suhe was on her phone. I loved this girl, I know it had only been 5 months
but she had been good to me and our interests were aligned. She did law like me
and was also serious like me about her studies that is. Plus she was just too crazy
and I was obsessed about Sbonga.
Bheka: “I cant this weekend, my parents are coming to town so yeah.” I didn’t
expect this from him, no one cared guys. I was turning fucken 21.
Me: “Its my 21st birthday guys this Saturday. Come on.” I looked at them “I am
not saying ditch your parents but I thought maybe we’d do something plus we
just conquered text week like bosses.”
Hlelo: “Eish ‘Bow.” Yeah I was Rainbow or ‘Bow to her now. I liked it but I might
just not like her so much “Emma’s mother is taking us out this Saturday. I am
really sorry.” I nodded “I don’t like that sulky face, its ugly let me make it up to
you by taking you out shopping Thursday after class, my treat.” I nodded with a
smile.
Bheka: “We’ll go out on Friday instead of Saturday because I feel bad now.” It was
better than nothing.
Me: “I will take it. Let me tell Lwazi.”
Hlelo: “Law of delict is next and we know how full that venue gets.”
Bheka: “Lets get going.” We took the dreadful walk to class. I was loving second
year. It came with a lot of work but I loved it. We got to class and went straight to
the front, I preferred it because no one disturbed the class in front unlike at the
back. After the law of delict class we went our separate ways because my elective
class was up which was information systems
Me: “Hey there.” We hugged
Alime: “Thingo lwenkosazane. Are you good?” I know, he was a cool guy. We took
the same class and he was Hlelo’s brother, it wasn’t weird.
Me: “I am fine. This class breaks my spirit. I am barely passing it.”
Alime: “What? This is the easiest. Try internet programming, that thing is
frustrating.” I laughed at the face he was making.
Me: “I don’t think I want to get there. I was taking it because I didn’t have a
computer background.”
Alime: “You should come to the house, we’ll study it together.” I nodded, I was
taking any help I could get. “He is here.” The lecturer started talking and I was
there highlighting and writing notes and Alime was just sitting and looking all hot.
Hlanga was my sexy beast and I probably loved him, please don’t tell him that but
I was allowed to admire. Alime has that thing about him, which made you want to
listen to whatever he had to say and his presence was just so intoxicating
together with his cologne.
Me: “You weren’t even taking notes dude.” He chuckled
Alime: “I know, I come prepared for class. I am not someone who writes, I listen
and read that’s how I study.” I nodded “I am available for whenever you need
help. Right now I have financial maths.”
Me: “I thought you were studying IT.”
Alime: “I am and Actuarial science.” I was so shook. Maths on its own kicked my
ass than add finance to it, I wasn’t doing that to myself. I knew my limits and I was
sticking to them. “I couldn’t decide so doing both made more sense.”
Me: “Wow okay. Let me not keep you” I went to the computer labs. It was best to
utilise that free wifi. I searched for real estate agents. I really didn’t want us to
move but ubaba made some valid points. The apartment wasn’t big enough, Aya,
Snothi and Banele couldn’t visit at the same time let alone Lonhle and Nqobani. I
was going to make him pay for the most expensive house for not remembering
my birthday. While I was busy looking at houses Hlelo came in.
Hlelo: “I knew I will find you here. You are so predictable ‘Bow.” We laughed
Me: “Mxm.” She sat down “I wanted to know who decorated both your houses.”
Hlelo: “mamazi. The woman got style ne?” I nodded “Yeah and to think its not
even her profession.”
Me: “What is her profession?” I wanted to be her. She was such a funny and
caring mom. I understood Emma’s obsession over her.
Hlelo: “I always thought she was a housewife, my mother was always home but
turns out she’s a business woman and a very successful one. She has a meal-
planning business/restaurant and runs a shelter. I will take you there sometime,
you’ll love it.” I nodded “Do you wear bikini or a full swimsuit?” that was a weird
question to ask
Me: “The last time Hlanga took us to the beach I was in a full one. But I think I can
rock a bikini.” I said checking myself out. I was all thick and curvy now but I still
had a flat tummy.
Hlelo: “Of course you can. You a size 34 angithi?” I loved her Durban accent
Me: “No 36. I gained so much weight since I have moved this side. Those dance
classes Hlelo, you need to take me.” I needed my old body back.
Hlelo: “We are not busy now, lets go sign up. Plus I have free time now since Mam
Dora is a full time nanny. My parents are on this responsibility tip of course I don’t
mind.”
Me: “What do you mean?”
Hlelo: “Sbonga was practically my responsibility last year. When the year started
this year they told me they know the pressures of varsity and they don’t want me
to miss out so they were giving me my freedom back. I had to choose if Sbonga
stays in Durban or we come back and mam dora becomes full time.”
Me: “And you chose the latter.” She nodded
Hlelo: “I am too attached, I wasn’t going to survive without him. Plus who was I
going to sleep with because my brothers are forever bringing girls in the house.” I
laughed
Me: “You cant sleep alone?” she nodded “Me too, whenever Hlanga is out of
town I hardly sleep. I am so used to his teddy bear cuddles. Not mention that I
slept with Aya half of my life.” She laughed. She was so pretty.
Hlelo: “I would have availed myself for cuddling but not on your marital bed
babes.” I laughed. She really respected the fact that I was married, I was keeping
her. We arrived at the studio and were we signed up for evening classes.
Me: “Than I will just have to find a house close to you than, so I can come to you.”
She laughed and I was dead serious, she and Bheka were stuck with my clinginess.
We went back to campus for our last class. After the year I had, I was glad I met
Hlelo when I did. Her and Emma made me feel like I belonged without changing
me, I was myself around them. I had never had girl friends before, people to talk
to about anything. I never understood why I was weird to certain people, maybe
my skin colour was a problem to them, I don’t know. As part of my new years’
resolution I vowed to make the best of every situation without changing myself. I
was slowly learning that I liked doing fun things when I wanted to not when it was
unnecessary like the going out and shopping spree Boiphelo randomly took me to.
Hlelo was a little like me, she liked shopping and drinking wine and that was our
thing now. Something about her reminded me of Lwazi, they were chic girls. They
looked too good even for a picnic whereas I wore whatever I felt was right for that
day. I was slowly becoming a person I had imagined myself to be and I was on the
road to becoming the wife Hlanga needed. I wanted to commit to him without me
feeling like I was a charity case he had to marry just to get her out of her misery. I
know it wasn’t what he said or implied but I still felt that way and I needed to get
over myself but I needed time.

»20«
CONTINUED
PART 2
AZANDE
Me: "What do you want Mxolisi?" He has been coming to my work and me
avoiding him. Today was his lucky day I guess because I finally gave in.
Mxo: "Baby at least let me explain."
Me: "Oh so that skank you call "Best Friend" told you what she did." He looked
away, it was guilt. "The red flags were there but I was so blinded by the love I had
for you that I chose to ignore them."
Mxo: "Baby I can explain."
Me: "I don't need your explanation Mxolisi. There's nothing you are going to say
to me now that will make me get back together with you." I was done, he was a
liar and a selfish one at that. "At a time I needed your support Mxolisi you chose
another woman. The sudden turn of events in my life were a inconvenience to
you somehow, how do I look past that?" He made me feel bad for taking care of
my siblings and neglecting our relationship while he was busy screwing his best
friend, he was crazy to think we were going to work out after that. I looked at him
"After everything we've been through Mxolisi, the one time I needed you most,
you chose sex. Sex with Zola out of all people, how do I look past that?"
Mxo: "Azande I am really sorry, it was just a matter of making bad decisions. I love
you Azande, I really do."
Me: "That's not good enough for me Mxolisi, you were supposed to love me
through my pain. Why didn't you remember that you love me before you got in
between Zola's legs?" He had no answer
Mxo: "Azande, baby I know I messed up and I am sorry. Please forgive." He had
begging eyes, I just didn't trust him anymore. "Baby I can't lose you, not over
Nokuzola. Mina baby ngithanda wena."
Me: "I don't trust you anymore Mxolisi. I don't even trust what we have or had, I
kinda feel I'll forever compete with uZola to you and your family. They want you
guys to be together and you didn't deny that." What Zola did might have been low
and spiteful but she led me to the truth. There's no telling what I would've done
for Mxolisi had I not found out what was happening behind my back. I never see it
coming hay, that was my flaw trusting blindly.
Mxo: "Azande it doesn't have to end like this, baby please find it in that kind heart
of yours to forgive me and we'll find a way. Matter of fact marry me Azande." He
was reaching and there was nothing honestly, even if I wanted a proposal that
wack thing wasn't going to do it for me. I wasn't strong enough to handle this kind
of heartbreak again and it was a matter of when, when it comes to Zola and
Mxolisi. They had history and what seemed like unfinished business.
Me: "Mxolisi I love you but its not enough for me to stay with you. Go and be
happy with Zola." I looked at him straight in the eye "Don't ever come back here,
we are done." I walked away. Its been 6 months since mama's death and I can
finally say it, she's really gone. I had been holding on to the hope that maybe it
was a prank but no. As the kids and I do our daily routine from school to work I
slowly accepted that it was my life and somehow things were meant to be this
way. Old Azande was gone, she died with mama. The new Azande wasn't
spontaneous but a planner and a strategist. From grocery shopping to clothing
shopping and she had a budget. Before it was easy as just giving mama money to
handle things.
Sphe: "Sisi can I have a sip." She pointed at my wine glass. That's how I was
getting through life. A bottle of sweet white wine every night. I gave it to her, she
had more than a sip.
Me: "Sphe you said a sip."
Sonke: "Nam cela isip sisi."
Me: "English Sonke." Her school wrote me a letter about how Sonke
communicates less in English.
Sonke: "May I have a sip please." This was wrong in so many levels "I don't like
the taste." She even made a face. She was just cute.
Me: "That's good, stay that way okay." Sphe and I laughed "Lethu don't you want
a sip?" He shook his head
Lethu: "I want warm milk Sphe." He was obsessed. I had to buy 2 six packs of milk
just to last us a month because Lethu only drank milk and water.
=======
Me: "Ziyanda I am not interested, I have kids mina."
Ziyanda: "You need to relax and unwind so you can take care of your siblings
Azande." She was forcing me to go to Durban July with her, apparently the guy
she was entertaining at that time gave her his platinum card. Ziyanda was brave
hay. The way my bank account was set up, I needed someone to maintain me but
I wasn't willing to lose my morals for it. "Peter booked us a penthouse and the
card is for spending so dont worry about money."
Me: "What am I going to do with oSphe."
Ziyanda: "Leave them with the baby makers." We laughed. She was talking about
Bongi and Loyiso.
Me: "Let me ask her." We hung up. She was right I needed to relax and reboot my
life. Bongi was a good friend, she was just like me, she couldn't say no. She was
willing to look after the kids for me and Lethu and Sonke were happy since they
had pool. I left money for their time there and Thursday evening my friend and I
flew to Durbs hehe! I was really excited. Since it was out of the blue plan, my
outfit didn't match the theme but one could never be wrong with black and a
touch of gold. "Thank you for suggesting this." We were getting full body
massages
Ziyanda: "You haven't been taking care of yourself Azande. So Peter and I came to
the rescue." We laughed. She was hoe and a proud one
Me: "What happened to uhm... Lerumo."
Ziyanda: "He's in Limpopo with the wife. I wasn't about to wait for him while
there's dick in each corner I take." I laughed and the staff joined me she was so
extra.
Me: "Ziyanda how long are you going to keep up with this lifestyle? I mean at
some point you have to get out." She sighed
Ziyanda: "I have thought of that yaz Zande but I need a plan first. Easy money is so
addictive I won't lie to you but you are not wrong, I wont be this fresh forever." At
least she was seeing the light. Ziyanda didn't have problems. She was just lazy and
you heard her, easy money.
Me: "We should start planning Bongi's baby shower." We were now buying the
whole of Gateway. I was buying for the kids mostly yes with Peter's card.
Ziyanda: "Jooh hayi ngeke. They should stop now, ayoze aphele ama baby shower
uBongiwe no Loyiso(Loyiso and Bongiwe will finish baby showers)." I laughed,
Ziyanda was a comedian.
Me: "Don't be dramatic. Its their second baby hawu." The older one was with
Loyiso's mother back in uMthatha.
Ziyanda: "I am still saying they should stop, they'll even finish the babies at the
factory." We laughed "Azande do you want kids?"
Me: "I don't know yaz mnganam. With the way my life is right now, there's no
room for one not forgetting there's no man to give me one." She nodded "And
you?"
Ziyanda: "I miscarried Lerumo's child December." Shut the front door!
Me: "Ziyanda Xaba!" I looked at her "Why didn't you say anything, oh nkosi yam, I
am so sorry."
Ziyanda: "Mama had just died mnaganam plus I didn't even know I was pregnant
until I was miscarrying."
Me: "Are you okay?"
Ziyanda: "I am better. But to answer your question I want one. So I'll have to sort
out my life first."
Me: "That makes perfect sense actually." The mood was somewhat dull after she
dropped that bomb on me. We all have problems guys "I am sorry you went
through all that alone. Even when my body is reeking with cancer Ziyanda find me
and come and lean on me. Your pain is my pain."
Ziyanda: "And your pain is my pain." We hugged and we carried on shopping. Yes
life is hard but that shouldn't stop us from caring about the people close to us.
======
Durban was amazing and the weather was allowing. I was glad I agreed to a
weekend of unwinding and rebooting. We didn't go to the horse race because we
didn't care, we were there for the after parties and Ziyanda being herself got us
VIPs to every marquee we desired and the vibe was lit. I was disturbed by my
ringing phone, I had kids now so I had to keep it on. It was Bongi
Me: "Hey, is everything okay?" It was too noisy "Admitted? What?" Unbelievable!
Bongi: "Yeah, its an allergic reaction, they took tests and everything."
Me: "Okay. I am on my way back" Lethu was in hospital, whatever he was allergic
to was new because we didn't have problems before. I hung up and went to find
Ziyanda who was busy entertaining some man at the VIP section.
Ziyanda: "Yin, you look like you want to cry."
Me: "Lethu is in hospital. I going back to joburg mnganam."
Ziyanda: "Okay. Peter is coming in the morning so I have to wait for him" That had
nothing to do with me "Let me book you an available flight." She took out her
phone.
Me: "Okay text me the details, I am going back to the hotel to pack." We hugged
Ziyanda: "Be safe and I love you. I'll see you soon. Call me when you land."
Me: "Okay. I love you too and be safe yourself."
Ziyanda: "Always." I went to find a cab back to the hotel. Luckily I found a flight
for midnight. I packed all the clothes Ziyanda and I bought and I left. It wasn't a
full flight thank God but me being me I was late. I boarded and we took off. I was
sitting next to the hottest man on earth, his cologne was so intoxicating or was it
the alcohol?
Me: "Excuse me." I needed the loo
Man: "Of course." He was busy on his tablet to even look my way. He made way
for me and I went to relieve myself. I ordered champagne and stawberries with
the hostess and I went back to my seat.
Hotess: "Your strawberries and champagne mam." I took it and my clumsy self
spill the champagne on the man's crouch
Me: "Oh my word!!! I am sorry"
Man: "Damn it lady!!" He snapped
Me: "I am really sorry." I took a napkin and started wiping, I honestly don't know
what I was doing. Unaware he's manhood woke up and I looked at him shocked.
He was smiling, he had blue eyes and perfect white teeth.
Man: "That's my very expensive Armani suit Miss?" He was asking
Me: "Oh Jele. Azande Jele. Again I am really sorry." Then he goes back to his
tablet. Wow! We got to Joburg and I wanted to sprit my way home
Man: "I'll send you the dry cleaning bill, Miss Azande Jele." Really and he was
smiling. I was out of words because I said sorry, what more was I to say? "Take
care now." And his hot self walked away.
THINGO
Them: “Surprise!!” I didn’t get it a surprise at the airport. As I was still confused
Hlanga appeared in his handsome self.
Me: “You came home!” I went to hug him. “I was sure I was spending my birthday
alone.” We were still hugging form.
Hlanga: “I wouldn’t miss it for the world baby.” he kissed my forehead. “Is
everything ready?”
Lwazi: “Yup! The only things missing is.. oh here they come.” I was a bit confused.
I turned and it was Aya and Snothi.
Me: “Please explain to me what’s happening?” they were all smiling
Emma: “You ask too many questions. Asambeni guys.”
Hlanga: “Lets follow Baphiwe guys.” We followed her until the boarding gates. I
looked at him “Don’t ask me anything please. Angaz lutho mina.”
Me: “Guys I was suppose to meet Bheka for a night out. Where are we going?” no
one said anything, it was best I followed them.
Hlelo: “You look weird. Smile for the camera.” She took a selfie of us.
Me: “Hlelo im not even picture ready.” We got into the plane. First class even
hehe
Aya: “Tee!! We are flying again.”
Me: “I don’t even know where we are going Aya. So I am bit worried now.” None
of these people were entertaing me instead they ordered food and alcohol.
Bheka: “You weren’t leaving were you?” I jumped and hugged him
Me: “How did you know, I was going to text you but I don’t even know where my
phone is.” He nodded as he took his seat “Are you in on this, whatever this is?”
Bheka: “Please let me order something to drink first than we’ll talk.” I nodded and
turned to look at this idiot next to.
Me: “I swear Hlangalezwe, if you don’t start talking I will divorce you.” He
laughed, I was serious.
Hlanga: “Since you are the law and I remember the law saying something about
us not being married.” He had the cutest smirk on his face.
Me: “Mxm!” he laughed in his contagious laugh. “Cela ungiyeke Hlanga.” He was
still laughing. While he was laughing the hostess came with our orders and we all
had our drinks and snacks. “Hawu kanti asisafiki yini, Durban is not that far.” He
chose to put his earplugs instead “Mxm!!” It was best to watch the movie as well,
I ended up falling asleep. Hlanga was being weird and it was kinda annoying.
======
Them: “happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you.” They carried on singing
and I was there smiling like an idiot. I had my people with me on my 21st
birthday.
Hlanga: “Happy Birthday mamasekhaya.” He opened his arms for a hug.
Me: “Thank you baby.” we kissed a short kiss “Have we reached our destination
yet?”
Hlelo: “Yes, yes!” They pull me off my seat and led me out of the plane and that
place wasn’t Durban or any place I have seen.
Lwazi: “Welcome to Brazil mamasekhaya.”
Me: “What? No! Hlanga no! no!” please stop him, this was too much. He has gone
too far.
Hlanga: “Yes and yes.” I started crying, what was I to do with this man? “I hope its
tears of joy.” I nodded even though I felt they were also tears of sadness. Hlanga
tapped into my deepest emotions, his kind heart made me feel like I wasn't doing
enough as his wife. Ever since we met he's been the one taking care of me,
supporting me financially and towards my dreams. How was I to repay him?
Emma: “I think she is having a moment. Lets give them space guys.” I tried
calming down. But I couldn’t, it was all so overwhelming. I felt dizzy and shortness
of breath.
Hlanga: “What is wrong? Baby I went through a lot to plan this. You don’t like it?”
I felt my chest burning and I was losing my breath “Take deep breaths, slowly.” I
nodded while I took slow deep breaths “Feeling better?” I nodded and I looked at
him. He tried to hug me but I pushed him back
Me: “Uhm!! Hooo! Uhm! Ngyaktha..nda Nyambose(I love you).” I carried on
fanning myself “Its so hot. Damn it!!” I sat down on that hanger, I was getting
weak on the knees. That moment was intense. He sat down with me and made
look at him. He held my face with the biggest smile
Hlanga: “Ngyakthanda nam Thingo lwam.”
Me: “This is a big moment.” I was still fanning myself
Hlanga: “I know.” He took my hands and kissed them “I know. I know” I think he
was crying guys. I made him look at me.
Me: “Its okay.” He nodded while I wiped his tears. “I meant what I said, its going
to take a while for me to get use to saying it but I feel it.” He nodded
Hlanga: “Its still no pressure Thingo lwam.”
Me: “Its just us.” We stood up, we hugged and kissed for the longest time, I finally
admitted my feelings and if felt good, I really loved him. We went to join the rest.
I was in Brazil guys, can you believe it. Thingo "The Weirdo" Mthethwa was in
fucken Brazil! “Well played and well planned guys. I never saw it coming.” I really
didn't.
Hlelo: “That was the plan. Happy birthday again ‘Bow.” She hugged me.
Me: "Thanks babe."
Lwazi: “Can we get our Brazilian booty’s on now.” We laughed and we went to get
our luggage.
Me: “I didn’t bring anything since I was practically abducted.”
Hlanga: “Everything is covered baby, just follow my lead and enjoy being 21
because after this we going hard on making babies.” that scared me a little.
Me: “Hlangalezwe!” that was unnecessary. He laughed
Hlanga: “I am joking. Our shuttle is waiting for us.” The boys took the bags and
some of the girls as well and we got into the shuttle and it drove us to the hotel.
Everything about Brazil was beautiful, the men were extra beautiful. We got to
the hotel and we set ourselves properly, I was sleeping with my husband
obviously. We changed into our swimwear.
Me: “Bheka and Hlelo are so dead.”
Hlanga: “What did they do?”
Me: “They are so sneaky. All these clothes, I chose them when we went
shopping.” I didn’t suspect anything at all. They were good. The trophy is theirs.
Hlanga: “I sent them. So if you want to kill someone kill me.”
Me: “Don’t be crazy bese mina ngisala nobani(who am I going to be left with)?”
he laughed and I wasn’t joking “Hlangalezwe Mthethwa I am serious. There is no
dying here. I know I am not the best at expressing my feelings but you are my life
line Nyambose.” I meant it. "Baby I am not perfect and I thank you for being
patient with me with regards to our marriage. All I know is hell Nyambose and this
heaven you've given me, I just need to time to find myself in it." He wiped my
tears, I kissed his hands "I am going to be the wife you deserve and I am going
give you kids just don't give up on me. I want to make you happy like you make
me Hlangalezwe."
Hlanga: “Okay baby. I’ll do my best not to die. Baby I am happy, having you in my
life makes me happy. Knowing that at the beginning and end of each day I have
you in my life is enough for me.” He held my exposed waist. He sat down on the
bed and kissed my stomach “Thingo lwam my day begins and ends with you.” He
kissed my naval, this man was too obsessed with my tummy and it had to do with
a baby.
Me: “Come lets go.” And we did the most in Brazil. From the beach to partying,
we had to take Aya with us even though Hlanga made sure she doesn’t drink. I
was happy he invited her and Snothi I guess. She tried being funny and my
controlling husband put her in her place. It was fun to watch, Aya and I laughed it
off. She was doing better after finding out that Sthelo wasn't her father even
though my aunt hasn't disclosed the paternity. How shady can one human be?
Bokang was a party animal guys and her and Hlelo owned the dance floor. Emma
and I had 2 left feet while Nolwazi refused to accept that she didn’t have the
dance moves. The shopping we did and the pictures we took, it was amazing. I
was at my happiest and we all had the time of our lives. I wanted to take myself
to Brazil, I mean with my own money but I had to accept that my life turn out the
way it did. I was grateful and I really appreciated everything about my life even
though there were certain areas I would’ve like to change. Hlanga and I were at a
weird place, in a good way. I told the guy I loved him and I did mean it but I was
far from the perfect couple phase and I was glad he understood.
======
Me: “Brazil felt like home.” I said as we made our way out of ORT airport. We
spent 3 nights in Rio De jeniro
Emma: “I know, I even made friends.” We all laughed, Emma was too much of a
people's person.
Hlanga: “Ladies and gents. Thank you so much for making the past weekend a
memorable time for my lady. I really appreciate that and all the trouble you went
through to avail yourself and keeping this secret. Thank you once again.”
Me: “Thank you so much guys. I have no words really.” I was smiling like an idiot, I
was really happy.
Lwazi: “It was a pleasure. Some of us wouldn’t have seen Brazil had it not been for
you.” We laughed
Lonhle: “Thank you for having us. But we have to go. School hasn’t been waiting
for us.” he ruined the mood.
Hlelo: “Arg!! Tell me about it.”
Bheka: “I will see you tomorrow if I make it.” We hugged
Me: “Thank you for coming.” He nodded and left
Hlelo: “My ride is here. I am taking tomorrow off, I need the rest.” We hugged
Me: “Okay babe. Thanks for everything.” I hugged Emma as well since Lakhe or
Alime was fetching both of them
Hlelo: “I got you boo.” They wheeled their suitcases to the car.
Hlanga: “Omzala are going back home with us. They are flying back tomorrow.” I
nodded “Nqobani should be here any minute.” After some time he showed up
and we got into the car and we drove straight home. We were all tired for real
plus the reality of our lives was back.
Me: “Nyambose, thank you for everything.”
Hlanga: “I want you happy all the time Thingo lwam.”
Me: “I am happy.”
Hlanga: “Than I am doing my job.” We got into bed “I am so tired and I have to
leave in the morning again.”
Me: “You leaving again?”
Hlanga: “mmh. Goodnight Thingo lwam.” he was really tired. I kissed his arm and
slept. The following day indeed he left after he woke me up with burnt eggs and
coffee, I appreciated the effort. After breakfast we took a shower and I drove him
to the airport. Hlanga was my best friend guys and having not to spend every
second with him was killing me but he loved his job and it would be selfish of me
to expect him to quit especially now when I was still trying to make something of
myself. The minute we start making kids he had a choice to make because I
wasn’t going to have uncle Sthelo in my hands. I want a hands on father not
someone to half ass things. Later that day they boarded their flight and Sandile
was going to pick them up. That soul had to deal with us a lot and he had never
complained. It was back to reality for me, I had missed 2 days of school and I
needed to catch up and prepare for the following day. While I was doing my thing
on the kitchen counter, Hlelo reminded me of our dance class. I didn’t even have
proper gym clothes. We were going to meet at the mall to buy a quick outfit
before class. Hlelo was a smart and hard working person for a pretty face and she
was raised well. At first when she got all hysterical on me and I drove her to that
beautiful house I was pretty sure I was dealing with a rich girl, who thought the
world was at her feet. Instead she turned to be humble and a little bit on the
crazy side, and she was too much of a happy person. We got me a cute dance
outfit and gym bag with all the necessities and the class began. I have never felt
so useless in my life, those steps and routines were too much. I don’t know why I
agreed to join the advanced class with Hlelo, she had been dancing since she was
5 years old.
Hlelo: “Your cardio needs work ‘Bow. You are unfit.” What was that?
Me: “You will teach me angith?” she laughed
Hlelo: “You are so hopeless. ‘Bow your husband is an obvious iron man how do
you not know anything about exercise?” I was so lost, what was she talking
about?
Me: “Iron man?”
Hlelo: “Hayi kunzima laykhaya(Its tough here). Hlanga lifts weights, I can tell by his
arms.” I nodded “Weights are the iron I am talking about.”
Me: “Oh I see now. Yeah, he owns a gym.”
Hlelo: “What? We are signing up at that gym ikuphi (where is it)?”
Me: “One step at a time Hlelo ngeke.” We were now standing next to our cars “I
have just started dancing.”
Hlelo: “If your cardio is good, the dancing becomes easier.” I nodded “I will talk to
mamazi and she’ll help you with an eating and exercise plan to help you.”
Me: “Is that how you have that banging body.”
Hlelo: “Yes plus I am diabetic so I have to keep healthy.”
Me: “Oh I didn’t know.”
Hlelo: “Its not that bad boo. I have been since I was 3 and that’s when everything
changed at home.” I nodded “So should I talk to her or?” I nodded “Okay that’s
her job ke so you might have to pay.” She said laughing
Me: “I don’t mind.” I open my car door “Are you perhaps available on Friday, I
have to view a house in NorthCliff.”
Hlelo: “Okay. I thought you were moving to our estate.”
Me: “It makes sense, I mean it will make our study sessions easier and I could
come and sleep with Sbonga.” We laughed “The appointment is set, lets see what
happens.” She nodded.
Hlelo: “I will see you tomorrow than.” We got into our cars and drove off. I loved
the idea of us being neighbours but I needed my space and I had to accept that
there are nights I will have to spend on my own. It would have happened anyway
had I been at res or some flat. I got home and I went straight to the shower. And I
came out just in time to skype my man
Hlanga: “I thought you forgot about me.” he was sulking. I laughed because he
looked weird
Me: “I was in the shower.”
Hlanga: “Usale kanjan(How are you)?”
Me: “I am fine. Even though my body is not.” He made a confused face “Hlelo and
I started dance class today and oh my word baby everything hurts. Even my ass.” I
carried on putting lotion on my body
Hlanga: “It gets better, don’t stop going.” I nodded “Now you just made me miss
you, id be helping you apply that lotion.” He said in a way that made me smile.
Me: “I need your hands to do their thing right now Nyambose.” We laughed
Hlanga: “Baby get on the bed and open your legs for me.” I looked at him, I was a
bit shook were we about to have video sex?
Me: “What do you have in mind Nyambose?” I said with the widest smile and I
think my clit did a mini vosho. He stood up and showed me his erected penis. My
husband needed help guys. The smallest things turned him on. “Okay set young
Nyambose free.” He did as instructed “I have my legs open now.” He nodded as
he slowly stroke his dick, I missed it that moment because it was beautiful. Yes my
husband has a beautiful penis. “Close your eyes because I have just started
playing my tongue around the tip.” I was busy touching myself because I was so
turned on
Hlanga: “mmh!! Ahhh!!” he stroking a bit faster now
Me: “Your other hand playing with my very aroused boob.”
Hlanga: “AAaah!! Shit!! Yes.”
Me: “I have you all in now. I am sucking like my life depends on it.” My finger
went inside and I was dripping wet “I am gagging myself with Young Nyambose
because he is so big. Ahaa!!” I was playing with my clit just how he does it
Hlanga: “Damn it!!! Thingo lwam.”
Me: “I am sucking on you so hard baby. Mmm and it tastes so good.” I wasn’t
even watching on what he was doing because I was now also focused on myself.
Hlanga: “Baby im cum.. baby I am cumming.”
Me: “Yess baby cum on my breasts.”
Hlanga: “Aaaah!!! Fuck!! Fuck!!” and he sprayed it wherever he did. I looked at
him catching his breath “Thank you baby. Ngyakthanda Thingo lwam.” this man
loved me, I believed that. There is nothing he wouldn’t do for me. I was the
problem.
Me: “ Ngyakthanda nam and I miss you.” I sulked
Hlanga: “I miss you more.” We looked at each other “Do you need me to help you
release.”
Me: “I am fine baby. Thank you.” He nodded, I was fine really. I wanted him next
to me. “So how was the flight?” we carried on talking about everday things
because that what Hlanga and I do. It bothered me that he couldn’t tell me where
he was which meant he cant buy me a souvenir. Whatever that job was, it was
weird.

»21«
NQOBANI
We've been sitting like this, just staring at each other for an hour.
Palesa: "This is too much to take in Clive."
Me: "Baby I know what I am asking is big and it's not what you signed up for. You
asked for the truth Palesa this is it, Mimi and I might have a child together." I had
been avoiding this topic because I know it will make any girl run but she
threatened to block me if I don't come clean. So I flew to Kimberley to tell her
what she wanted to hear.
Palesa: "Your situation is messy Clive. What if its yours then you and Mimi
suddenly bond over the baby and I am left out." Mimi was the one with feelings
not me but I wasn't going to tell her that she was already doubting this whole
thing.
Me: "That won't happen baby I promise you. The only thing that will connect us is
the baby" I said convincingly
Palesa: "Does she understand that? Clive this Mimi person calls in the middle of
the night telling you about baby stuff and the paternity hasn't even been
confirmed yet. And you haven't stopped it because you like it. You might not see
it but you two have bonded over this baby." I honestly had no problem with that
but it seemed like it bothered her.
Me: "There's a chance that its not mine Palesa. Please give us a chance MaMoloi
and we'll figure this out as this unfolds." I had to make her see that it was a 50/50
chance.
Palesa: "Clive I like you a lot but I can't, not like this. If the baby is not yours
chances are you'll want a baby of your own and I am just not ready for that
sacrifice or commitment." She's a very independent, career driven woman so
babies weren't on top of her list. And I admire that about her, the independence
and being goal oriented, it was sexy.
Me: "And I completely understand." I took her hands "So are you willing to give us
a shot? We won't rush things until we know the paternity of the baby. If its mine
we'll make it work somehow and if its not I guess it solves all the complications." I
honestly didn't like that part but I was being persuasive here and I needed her on
my side.
Palesa: "Promise me this won't change things Clive."
Me: "I promise baby."
Palesa: "Okay but under the condition that you take me to a dinner function at
work, as my date." She giggled, she was the cutest thing ever. Her eyes
disappeared whenever she laughed or smiled because of her chubby cheeks.
Me: "Done!" I hugged and kissed her "I love you." It felt right saying it.
Palesa: "I love you too."
Me: "Let me take you out for dinner and you'll tell me what are my
responsibilities as your date."
Palesa: "You are such an army man, you follow rules and understand roles." She
was laughing.
Me: "It was grilled in my head since I was 17 so I guess you can call me that." We
were leaving my hotel room. She chose to dine at the hotel which wasn't a
problem.
Me: "I am leaving the country for a work assignment next week and I don't know
when I'll be back."
Palesa: "Oh okay, where are you going?"
Me: "I am afraid I can't say, that's just how it is."
Palesa: "What? Then how are we going to make it work, Clive we are already long
distance in this country. If you leave the country its even harder." She always sees
the problem
Me: "I'll call you, Skype is there for people like us. We'll talk I promise please dont
sulk Palesa you look ugly." She laughed
Palesa: "Hawu!"
Me: "Vele." We laughed. While we were dining and having the time of our lives.
Hlanga called me using our UN phone "I am sorry I have to take this." I stood up
Palesa: "Okay." I took the call outside.
Me: "What's up?"
Hlanga: "Nqobani, I need your help, I fucked up!" He was panicking
Me: "What did you do Hlanga, I am not in Jozi right now."
Hlanga: "Then fly back Nqobani!!" He hung up. I wasn't going to find a flight at
that time. I called Nathan for the Jet. Being a gangster has its perks hay.
Nathan: "I hate domestic flights and I have worked too hard to not be in them."
Me: "I honestly don't care Nathan." He chuckled
Nathan: "I have to be in Joburg by morning Nqobani."
Me: "Hlanga is in trouble Pierce, I don't care if you walk to Joburg. Send it now." I
hung up on him. I went back to the table. "Baby do you mind flying back with me
to Joburg, you'll come Monday morning."
Palesa: "Okay. Is everything okay?"
Me: "No its not, Hlanga is in trouble."
Palesa: "What kind of trouble, is he going to be okay?"
Me: "He didn't say, so I don't know." While we were talking. The pilot texted me
his arrival time. We carried on talking and getting to know each other better. She
was talking about work and herself mostly but I wasn't listening. I was just
focused on her moving lips which I wanted to kiss so badly.
Palesa: "Are you even listening to me."
Me: "I am baby." My phone beeped "The pilot is here, lets go." We got up,
checked out and left. She kept on asking about the jet and I diverted those
questions. I didn't trust her enough to let her in. We landed and we took a cab to
Soweto "Get comfortable and I'll be back." We hugged and kissed and I left. I
borrowed Lwazi's car. "Hlangalezwe ukuphi(where are you)?"
Hlanga: "I'll send you my location." He did and I drove to what looked like a
student commune. I was even more confused. I knocked and the door was
opened by my friend holding a gun.
Me: "Ekse zikhiphan(what's happening)?" Hlanga had held the whole commune of
girls hostage. They looked scared and terrified. Some were even crying in their
gowns and doeks, it was 01:00am.
Hlanga: "This is Sinothando aka Sino. She has my phone and she threatened to call
my wife." What? I looked at him, he was still fucking around? "I don't need a
lecture now Nqobani, I need my phone back." He was drunk as well. I loved
Hlanga he was my brother and there's nothing I wouldn't do for him but I drew
the line at hurting Thingo. I went to Sino
Me: "Please give me the phone and I'll call his wife myself." She gave attitude
"You have involved the whole commune for what, for dick?" I was getting pissed
actually by both Hlanga and his crazy girl. "Don't piss me off or I'll let him use that
gun. And let me let you in on the truth. He's never going to love you and the wife
won't leave him so get over yourself."
Sino: "Mxm!!" She stood up and went wherever and came back after a while and
handed me Hlanga's personal phone. I saw Lwazi in some of those girls. Hlanga
didn't have boundaries. We left and I handed him his phone.
Hlanga: "Bhungane let me explain, it was just sex and this was the last time." I had
demons but I'd like to think mine were contained. Hlanga was a ticking time
bomb.
Me: "Fuck you Hlangalezwe!!" I walked to the car than I remembered that he's
drunk and I pushed him and hit him towards my car but we ended up fighting
"Imagine if Banele was those girls, are you crazy Hlangalezwe?" I had him pinned
on the ground. He was drunk so I had control. Had it been a different day he
would've won
Hlanga: "Its just one of those days man Nqobani. I wasn't thinking, I only realized
when they were crying and I had the gun in my hand. Sino's crazy!" He was talking
so fast. It was obvious she was dealing with a crazy girl. She was willing on selling
out her housemates for this.
Me: "I know things get hard sometimes but this is not the way to go and screwing
around while you have a wife doesn't make sense either."
Hlanga: "She can't see me like this Nqobani. She believes in me too much. I'd hate
it if she saw me like this." He was a mess and whenever he was like this, he made
bad decisions. We sat on the street and looked at the stars. "Baba says I should let
her in on the truth. Nqobani I am scared that it will change things."
Me: "You love each other Hlanga, she'll understand. But I know she won't
understand you screwing the whole of Jozi. Agreement or no agreement."
Hlanga: "I love uSiphosethu Nqobani. She owns my heart. I just need time."
Me: "Tell her that Hlanga."
Hlanga: "Okay." We carried on staring at the stars and moon.
THINGO
Ma: “Siphosethu, you even came with scones.” Yes I was back in Tongaat for yet
another ceremony at one of Hlanga’s uncles. I didn’t even know what the
ceremony was about.
Me: “I knew I would get here late so it was best I baked that side. And I didn’t
want to worry you ma.”
Ma: “Siyabonga ntombi. Uphi umyen wakho(where's your husband).” Oh yes I
didn’t come with my husband. It was just me because even Mpilonhle wasn’t
interested
Me: “He is out of the country ma. Ever since he got the promotion, he travels a
lot.”
Nele: “Does uLonhle even check up on you? Its not okay for you to be all alone.”
these people cared too much about me hay.
Ma: “Uqinisile uBanele(she's right). We should also visit more.” see.
Me: “I’d really like that ma. Kodwa sisa bheka umuzi one space esikhulu(we still
looking for a bigger house).”
Ma: “Haisuka singa lala naphansi(we'll sleep on the floor if necessary). Soyenza
iskathi(we'll make time) no baba no banele we’ll come see you.” I nodded
Me: “Sibuyela Eshowe futhi(we going to Eshowe again)?”
Nele: “No sisi siya eHowick(We going to Howick). And its quite far so go rest
because you are driving us.” uMa didn’t drive guys and her husband had like 4
cars. “I cant wait until I am 18 because I am getting my licence.”
Me: “Ma why don’t you drive?”
Ma: “My husband drives me, I dont need to stress myself.” She said with so much
attitude, I laughed. She was a housewife who hustled because her seamstress
business was striving. There were a lot of housewives in Tongaat because even my
mother’s sisters were on that tip of exepecting the husband to do everything
while they stayed at home. It made me wonder what made my aunt decide to get
a job so late in her life. Hlanga grew up in a family of hardworking men because all
his aunts were housewives and the uncles had some kind of job. He was also that
type of guy who slaved in the name of not wanting his wife to work. To some
degree I think he was expecting me to get my qualification and stay at home and
give him kids because he never even once asked about what career path I want to
take or it also could be the fact that he didn’t understand the field of law. I had to
let this one play itself out.
Nele: “To think she has a drivers licence.”
Me: “What?” they both nodded. “Ngizonibona eksen ma (ill see you in the
morning)”
Ma: “Okay ntombi.” I went to our room and I started studying. My 2nd tests were
a week away and I couldn’t gamble with them like that, married or not. I studied
until the early hours of the morning. 2nd year was killing me guys. I was passing
yes but distinctions were a stretch in some modules. I remember Hlanga
counselled me over skype of course when my tests came back and I had gotten a
68%. He assured about how varsity was just theory it didn’t mean that I didn’t
know my work and law was practice more than theory. I needed to understand
those court cases to be able to apply them to a case, which was the part that was
killing me. I didn’t handle failure well, I even shut Bheka and Hlelo out at some
point and they also set me straight about how we were all on the same boat. I
rememeber Bheka’s words were “Thingo if you think you are failing, how do you
think I am doing? You know I made it this far because of you.” I didn’t know that I
had become an anchor to him “So get over yourself and lets push man.” And I did
get over myself. Those are the type of people I needed with me, who weren’t
afraid to tell me the truth when I needed to hear it even when it was going to
hurt. I am saying this because Hlelo gave me her piece as well saying “Thingo we
all have problems but you don’t see us punishing the ones we love away because
of it. I am single mother and a student so imagine my life.” I knew that day that I
needed to get over myself because I was in a different world now. A world where
I had friends who love and cared for me, it wasn’t like back than where I had to
watch out only for me. I took a few hours sleep and I woke up just in time to drive
us to Howick. Coffee was how I made it in life, Hlanga was right, being a student
meant you were miserable and sleep deprived. I didn’t even have time for
shopping or going out, my definition of spoiling myself was sitting in front of the
tv with popcorn and watching Keeping up with the Kardashians.
Me: “Sanibonani.” I was greeting the other wives. It was 3 of them,
Nomathemba(Noma), Nokuthula(Thuli) and Hloniphile(Hloni) those were all their
marriage names by the way.
Hloni: “Siphosethu.” She came to hug me and the rest followed
Thuli: “I didn’t think you’ll come.”
Me: “And why wouldn’t I?” I put the container with scones on the table. I took out
my apron from my handbag and wore it.
Noma: “Iskole plus ikude egoli(school plus Joburg is far).”
Me: “Haike ngikhona makhosikazi(Well I am here). What are we doing?”
Hloni: “Breakfast and you know the drill.”
Me: “Of course. Let me get started. Oh bought scones.” They nodded and we
went in with the work. I was there serving tea and scones to everyone. Ma and
the rest of the parents over saw what we were doing, they were not hands on
anymore. We were there as Hloni’s helpers because it was her father-in-law who
was having the ceremony. The one at Eshowe was Thuli and Noma because they
married to the brothers of that uncle.
Voice: “Siphosethu its been over a year iphi ingane(where's the baby)?” I wasn’t
ready for that. Bangenaphi(how was it any of their business)? I was really shook.
Ma: “Haibo MaZungu yeka iyngane ziziphilele impilo yazo(let the kids live their
lives).” Thank you. My mother-in-law was the best guys she understood us. This is
what I was afraid of, expectations from the family. Hlanga was fine with waiting to
have a child when I was ready, not forgetting that we both wanted to have sex
when we were committed into making this marriage work. He was my husband
there was no need for a condom or any other means of contraceptive and if we
were to have penetration sex. So if we were to have sex, I was getting pregnant
no doubt. It was best that I leave because I honestly didn’t have a come back for
that one.
Hloni: “Ngezwa ngoSbusiso nam. Uthi they went to some tarven ngoba uyaphuza
akadlali uHlangalezwe.” Translation: I heard from Sbusiso, who happens to be her
husband. They went to some tarven because Hlangalezwe is somewhat an
alcoholic.
Thuli: “Hayi wena. uSiphosethu noHlangalezwe haven’t been married that long
and already useya cheata(he's cheating).” I was going to kill Hlanga guys. They
didn’t hear me because they had their backs at the door. They were basically
gossiping about my marriage. I couldn’t trust anyone in this world clearly.
Noma: “Mina ngangisaybuza ukuth umshada kanjan umuntu ofana
noHlangalezwe. Unolaka loya muntu(I am still asking myself how do you marry a
person like Hlanga. He has a temper). I think uhlalele imali phela ubab’ Themba
has a lot of money(I think she got married because of money because Hlanga's
father has a lot of it).” I was also aware of Hlanga’s anger issues but I felt he had
them under control and there it was again, the money thing mxm! I needed to
hear what else they didn’t know “Manje he picked a random girl from etarven and
took her home? Wayekuphi uSiphosethu lapho(Where was Siphosethu)?”
Thuli: “I prefer he had a mistress ngeke. Uzogula umtaka Mfeka(She going to get
sick).”
Hloni: “Ngempela(You are right). Angith she thinks thina ngoba sihleli singafundi
siyilima(since we not studying we are stupid), wayesegoli phela(she was in joburg
phela).” This had to stop. I went in singing.
Me: “Ngifuna isaucer yaz(i want a saucer).”
Hloni: “Ithi ngililethele(let me bring it for you).” She said out of panic
Me: “Iyahlupha inyama yenhloko(cow's head is difficult to cook).” I said keeping
my cool
Thuli: “Its takes forever ne?” I nodded. I couldn’t show them that they had broken
my spirit. How can Hlanga do this to us? I took the saucer and went to the pots
that were cooking outside.
MaZungu: “Khuluma Siphosethu, awukwazi ukuthola abantwana(Talk cant you
have kids? Khona umama engimaziyo whohelped Hloniphile as well(I know a
woman).” Can this woman just shut up? I wanted to be alone and think.
Me: “Ma ngokukhulu ukuhlonipha cela singakhulumi ngalendaba umyen wam
engekho(With great respect can we not have this conversation without my
husband present).”
MaZungu: “I was only trying to help you. Uzophela umshado ntombi if ungenzi
okufanele njengomfazi(Your marriage will end if you don't perform your wifely
duties).” kids were the last thing on my mind. She left me stirring at the pots.
Hlanga just took us 5 steps back. I know what I said when he proposed, I wasn’t
even thinking of things turning out this way. I had feelings for him now, it wasn’t
simple. The ceremony went on as planned and we cleaned up with the wives with
me only answering when spoken to. In the evening I drove us back to Tongaat, I
cried the minute I was alone in that room. The love and trust I had for Hlanga was
gone and it was going to be really hard to get it back. I cried myself to sleep that
night, I had faith that maybe he’d want to not have random hook-ups because I
was in the picture now, that he’ll choose me broken as I was and say I was worth
the wait. If it was about sex he should have come to me, I didn’t care about my
virginity. He paid lobola for me so he was in actual fact entitled to it. I was going
to deal with him when he came back, which part of me hoped it was never. I had
tests and exams to prepare for and that is where I still had control so I chose to
focus on that. The Sunday morning after breakfast I drove back to the City of Gold
and my life went on as normal. I didn’t see the point of logging on to skype
anymore.
=====
Me: “Oh hey bafo. Please come in.” I made space for him and I closed the door
“Can I get you something to drink or eat?”
Lonhle: “Food please.” I nodded and I went to dish up for him. I had grilled
chicken, I was going to have it with a salad and sweet potatoes according to
mamazi’s meal plan. “Hawu liphi ipapa(where's the pap?”
Me: “I only cook it when your brother is around.” He nodded and ate. He looked
so much like his brother and that annoyed me even more “I have a test
tomorrow. So make yourself at home while I study.”
Lonhle: “I am not staying for long. I came to check up on you.”
Me: “As you can see I am fine.”
Lonhle: “Are you though, fine I mean?” he even had Hlanga’s facial gestures. I
nodded “Uthi ubafo you are not answering his calls.”
Me: “I lost my phone and the wifi is acting up.” He nodded and I went back to the
counter “Report that I am fine.”
Lonhle: “Okay I will.” He finished eating so fast “I am available to take you to buy
a new phone?” I looked at him confused “I promised him that he’ll talk to you
today. Or let me just call the wifi people.”
Me: “Okay fine! I have nothing to say to Hlangalezwe, Mpilonhle.” He looked at
me as if he was studying me. I was getting emotional of the thought of what I
heard “My phone is off and the wifi is working.”
Lonhle: “Siphosethu please tell him why you don’t want to talk to him. He is losing
it and we don’t want that. He’s even considering quiting his job because they
wont grant him leave.” He sighed “You don’t want to deal with an unemployed
Hlanga, Siphosethu. He needs his job but he needs you more. So please call him.”
He took his things and left me standing there like a confused person. I couldn’t
study and it was around the time Hlelo and I had to hit dance class. I was still
wack but I was better than the first day. Later that evening I wanted to call Hlanga
guys I did, I worried about him but I was worse than he was. I studied and later
went to bed.

»21«
CONTINUED
NATHAN
Since sex was off the table for me, I was always working. No wonder things hadn't
been going working out for me in the past years. I was really focused on the
wrong things, like other people's wives. It was an avoidance mechanism of the
truth I didn't want to face about myself. I have to say abstaining from meaningless
sexual activities has somehow opened my eyes. I have clarity on certain things
now, I wasn't going to have a happily ever after type of life if I didn't have
character, basically if I didn't know who I was. Vincent made me realize that, he
taught me that I needed to know who I was in order to know what I want and
what I dont want. After months of battling with finding my identity, its even
harder at the age of 38 trust me. Work was my only constant.
Me: "So when do you want this done?"
Client: "Preferably before the board meeting which is Friday."
Me: "What? Caleb that's 3 days from now."
Caleb: "Are you going to do this for me Nathan or should I take it to Viper?" Viper
like the name said it, he was a snake rival of mine in the underworld.
Me: "Fine I'll get it done. I'll be waiting for your payment."
Caleb: "50% now and 50% once the job is done."
Me: "Of course." We shook hands and we went our separate ways. This business
opportunity came at the right time when my secret spy partners were back in the
country. I texted them about meeting up ASAP. And I went to do what I have been
doing since champagne was spilt on my suit. The time was 13h00 and usually
about this time Miss Azande Jele goes to her lunch break. She was so predictable.
She walked to a sandwich shop and ordered two chicken wraps with freshly
squeezed orange juice. She paid and tipped the cashier with the change. I had an
eye for detail, plus I was trained by the best on being invisible. She took her meal
and walked back to their facility. She walked with such confidence, with no care in
the world and she was even greeting everyone she came across. I think I was
obsessed. She entered her workplace and that was the end of my show. I didn't
have a plan, I didn't even know what to do or say to her but what I was definitely
sure of was it was love at first sight. The minute she sat next to me on that flight, I
lost all control.
Hlanga: "Nathan make it fast, I need to be home."
Nqobani: "What's up?"
Me: "We are about to handle what I call corporate assassination."
Chance: "What?"
Ndu: "Basically tanking the share price of a company. What company and who
hired you."
Me: "Caleb Sibeko."
Ndu: "As in Sibeko Coal?"
Me: "Yeah. After cleaning up his mess on stealing money from his company, the
board has doubts so he needs us to eliminate his competition so he can gain
power."
Hlanga: "Wow! Sounds complicated and messy."
Me: "It is. So we need a scandal. His competition is squeaky clean."
Nqobani: "That's a lie. Being a spy has taught me that we all have secret. We need
to look close enough."
Me: "You have a point, problem is we basically have 2 days before his board
meeting where they're voting him out as CEO." I looked at them "Here's what I
know about the competitor. Financial records, health history. If you think I am
missing something call me when you find something. Lunch time tomorrow the
scandal should be the headline of every news channel."
Hlanga: "If we are coming up with a plan where are you going?"
Me: "Mind your business Hlangalezwe."
Hlanga: "Fuck hamba!" We laughed
Me: "Call me." I was going back to my stalking escapade. I had been doing this for
a month now and it was time I admitted it, I was obsessed. I found her just in time
to follow her back to her flat. The kids were already home, I watched her park her
car and disappear into the building. Fuck it, I am going in, I told myself it was long
over due anyway. I had to bribe the security at her gate with fucken R2000 for
him to let me in and tell me her flat number. Suddenly I was nervous, I didn't even
know I had nerves. Give me a gun, I can assemble it in less than 2 minutes for you
but put Azande Jele in front of me, I am out of words. I finally gathered enough
strength to knock on the door and the cutest girl opened the door.
Girl: "Hello. Can I help you." I just smiled, she was missing her two front teeth.
Me: "Hello. How are you?"
Girl: "I am fine. You want sisi?"
Me: "Yes"
Girl: "She's in the shower. Wait here, strangers are not allowed in the house. I will
call her for you." She shut the door on my face. There was no backing out now. It
didn't take a while for the door to open again, and there she was in her gown,
clearly naked underneath it. I was turned on. She was beautiful.
Me: "Miss Jele."
Azande: "Hi." I couldn't read whether she was shocked or terrified. "How do you
know where I live?"
Me: "Its a long story. I wanted us to discuss my dry cleaning bill." She laughed.
Azande: "What? Were you serious, but I said sorry."
Me: "And I forgive you but we still need to discuss how sorry you are."
Azande: "Jooh hayi ngaze ngavelelwa (this is too much) can we do this some other
time." I find myself smiling, she was a bit annoyed.
Me: "Cela number yakho Azande?" Her eyes popped. My Zulu was fluent. I
handed her my phone and she punched in her number "I will see you soon then."
Azande: "I never got your name."
Me: "You never asked for it."
Azande: "That was me asking."
Me: "I never heard the question."
Azande: "Mxm!" I laughed. "Are you going to tell me your name or not?"
Me: "Are going to ask me or not." Damn it! I was really into her, pressing her
buttons was fun. I looked at her waiting for her to ask, she sighed heavily.
Azande: "What is your name?"
Me: "Was that hard?" She rolled her eyes "I might just walk away if you going to
roll your eyes at me."
Azande: "Sorry." She was a bit embarrassed
Me: "Forgiven. My name is baba wezingane zam(Father of my kids)." She laughed
so hard, it warmed my heart. Her laugh was disturbed by my ringing phone it was
Chance. "I have to go now. Hug please." I opened my arms for a hug
Azande: "Not until you give me your real name."
Me: "So are you saying my name is not real?" I gave her a question look
Azande: "You are just something else." I laughed
Me: "Like I said my name is baba wezingane zam(Father of my kids). I don't know
why they named me that." She laughed even harder than before. Ndu called this
time, next thing he was going to ping my location. "I really have to go now." I
loved closer for a hug and she allowed me. She fitted perfectly. "I'll call you later."
Azande: "Okay baba wezingane zam(Father of my kids)." We laughed.
Me: "Its a nice name neh?" She giggled "And it sounds better when you say it."
Azande: "Yooh hayi hamba!" I laughed and walked away. All this time I had been
standing at the door. I was really happy that day, the universe had conspired and
somehow I took the same flight as hers. Like I said to Clive, I didn't like
commercial flights and I worked hard to afford that jet but I guess it was meant to
be. I met up with the boys and we came out with the perfect scandal. If I wasn't
smuggling anything from drugs to guns or cleaning money or pushing heists, I was
fixing messes.
======
Azande: "Are you not going to tell me your real name?"
Me: "Umuhle yazi(you are beautiful). Your china eyes are something else." It was
the best feature on her face. She blushed, she was beautiful. With and without
makeup.
Azande: "Ngyabonga. You not so bad yourself."
Me: "Thank you. I am leaving tonight, I have to be in Durban for some business."
She seemed disappointed "I was hoping you and the kids we'll join me for the
weekend. I'll come clean about everything and anything you want to know about
me."
Azande: "Hawu the whole weekend? I don't even know you."
Me: "I am a business man. All I know is to negotiate deals but when it comes to
you I don't know what to say. You make me nervous Azande and I feel like I'll say
the wrong things. Spend the weekend with me and you'll decide for yourself the
kind of person I am. All I know is, I want you next to me all the time." She blushed
and I meant every word. I didn't know where this was going or what I was doing
but I just couldn't stay away. "So are you available?"
Azande: "Okay, even the kids?"
Me: "I have to impress all of you if you are going to give me a chance." She smiled
"Durban is a fun place for kids, they'll love it."
Azande: "Okay."
Me: "Okay. I'll see you over the weekend."
Azande: "Okay."
Me: "I'll text you the details."
Azande: "Okay. Thank you for lunch, like you knew how much I love chicken
wraps." I couldn't tell her that I had been following her.
Me: "Lucky guess." I stood up from her desk and I opened my arms for hug but
somehow our lips touched, okay fine I wanted to kiss her and she kissed me back.
It was nice and slow, it had feeling and emotion. Whatever I felt, she felt it too. I
couldn't let go nor did she the kissing was escalating. But we had to stop because
we were getting carried away. "I wish I didn't have to go." I was caressing her soft
and chubby cheeks while I stared at her beautiful face.
Azande: "Then don't." She said in a low tone and husky voice. She was holding on
to my arms. There was so much chemistry between us. None of us could deny it.
Me: "You'll spend the night with me?" I baby kissed her
Azande: "I can't, the kids."
Me: "I'll book two rooms." She smiled. I loved having her in my arms. "Is that a
yes?"
Azande: "I feel weird, I dont even know your name but already I am planning a
weekend away with the kids."
Me: "Nathan Pierce."
Azande: "Was that so hard?"
Me: "Not all but curiosity kept you interested, didn't it?" It was psychology 101. "I
am the most boring person ever so I had to find ways to make you interested."
Azande: "I don't find you boring."
Me: "How do you find me?"
Azande: "Interesting and very funny." That was new. Me funny?
Me: "Well I find you beautiful and amazingly kind and welcoming. I am just so
drawn to you Azande Jele." She giggled while blushing. She was stuck with me and
my dullness.
Azande: "So I take it my dry cleaning debt is forgiven?" We laughed, she was a
joker as well?
Me: "Again, I had to find a way to talk to you. But after that kiss Miss Jele I think
you owe me some more, than I can rethink forgiving your debt." She giggled. I
bought her close to me and again our lips touched it wasn't long beforeour
tongues started dancing with each other. My hands were all over and she held my
face with both her hands. My hands went under her shirt
Azande: "Nathan." She said in a low tone.
Me: "Mmm."
Azande: "I am at work." She pushed me. "Please leave, you are too much of a
distraction Nathan." I laughed.
Me: "I'll see you tonight?"
Azande: "Yes, now please go."
Me: "You haven't settled your debt, you robbed me."
Azande: "I kinda feel like I'll never settle this debt." I laughed because she might
have been right. She walked me out
Me: "We'll talk about the debt later." We baby kissed "I'll spend you my location."
Azande: "Okay, later." We hugged and baby kissed once more and I left.
=====
Me: "So I met someone, well I won't say I met her per say. It was by chance and
you usually said those are the best moments, I finally understand. Her name is
Azande Natasha Jele." I looked at her tombstone "I know I usually come on your
birthday maar Ouma ek is duer mekaar(But granny I am mixed up). Ek kan nie
ophou dink oor haar nie(I cant stop thinking about her). She spending this
weekend with me and I kinda feel I want and need more than just a weekend with
her. What do you think?" I looked at the tombstone even harder "She's the one
isn't she? I think so too. I find everything about her intoxicating. Like her laugh
and her confidence. I think she likes me too, she said I am not boring." I chuckled.
"I was here for your blessing anyway. You are still my lady." I put the flowers and
left. It was 30 minutes before the jet landed with them.

»22«
HLELO
Me: "Baba why didn't you call us sooner?" I said out of panic.
Alime: "Qwabe how long has she been like this?" We were standing by their
bedroom door. She was a mess, all crusty with swollen red eyes. She's been crying
heaven only knows for how long.
Baba: "2 weeks. Guys school is stressful enough, I didn't want you worrying about
her. I am taking care of her."
Me: "We can always catch up with school, mamazi needs us more and you don't
have to do this all alone Qwabe." My mother was having one of her depression
episode. It was random, we never saw it coming. Sometimes she hid it from us
until she couldn't anymore.
Lakhe: "What are we going to do this time?" He asked looking very frustrated. He
never handled this situation well, sometimes he even ran away.
Elihle: "Ndalo and I made a slideshow of all the pictures we took of her and us."
Simo: "I was thinking we write heart felt messages about how amazing she is."
Baba: "She really needs that. Lakhe you are on her favorite playlist." We all
nodded. Whenever she can't even get out of bed we found ways to make her see
that there's hope and she has something to live for and look forward to. Like her
family and friends.
Me: "I am going to go to the shelter and ask the ladies there to make her a short
video clip, just for her to know how much she's loved and appreciated." This time
I was adding something she loved, her job.
Alime: "I think we have a plan."
Baba: "Thank you so much guys." This whole thing took a toll on him mostly, you
could tell by how reserved he was, sometimes I think it scared him.
Me: "Try getting her to go to your tree at least." My parents had some tree that
they watered together.
Baba: "That's a great idea. Come here." He opened his arms for a hug. My daddy
though "You are growing up Gugulethu."
Me: "I am. I had to, I am mother now and Simo gave the title of big sister." We
laughed. With Musa and Nosipho hardly around I guess I had to step up and take
care of my brothers and sister.
Baba: "And a great one, I am really proud of you, all of you actually."
Lakhe: "Sho tyma. Now let's get our Ndlovukazi back." He chuckled
Baba: "Okay. Let me get her to the garden while you do the rest." We nodded and
parted ways. I took on of the cars on the driveway and I went to the shelter and
indeed I took vidoes of all the staff and ladies who knew my mother and they said
a lot of touching things about how she was strong and kind some even touched
on her stubbornness but they wished her a speedy recovery. I really hoped my
plan was going to work hay. I later went to buy all her favorites which was
chocolate cake to candy and flowers just to brighten up her day. Depression was a
hard thing to face, it affected everyone around that individual but the specific
individual suffered the most. Like I said before sometimes they even hid the fact
that they weren't fine just to avoid being taken care of or feeling that they're a
burden. I wasn't going to have the time to cook so I went to baba's place for food.
I bought braai meat and tripe with steamed bread and chicken feet. All the tribal
dishes that my mother fancies and pizza and burgers for us. Later in the evening
we sat up everything in the screen room.
Mamazi: "Aah guys. You being here meant alot but you have school Hlehle." She
worried too much.
Alime: "Hayi Ndlovikazi. Sit down we've a surprise for you."
Mamazi: "I don't want it, you know I hate surprises."
Elihle: "Too bad. Come sit next to The King and I." My mother joined them with a
little smile. We gave her food and we watched everything. From our pictures
since we were kids to her wedding pictures to any selfies we took together and
the video clips we recorded of 5 things we find amazing about her. Baba was tbe
best obviously. All he said was she didn't need 5 reasons to know how amazing
she was, the fact that she was alive and had gotten thus far with her illness was
evident enough. My mother was in tears, she cried at everything
Me: "I hope its happy tears."
Mamazi: "Of course it is. All the effort and the messages and time you spent doing
this for me, I really appreciate it. I always come back, I just need time."
Simo: "And we'll be here with you."
Mamazi: "Thank you and I love you babies so so much."
Us: "We love you too."
Mamazi: "Qwabe I want to watch it again and can I have another slice of cake."
Me: "Of course." We played her the slideshow again and she ate whatever and
Masilakhe played all her favorite songs. We were dancing and singing. She looked
better than when we came, she was laughing and playing with her grandson. My
mother meant a great deal to all of us. Her sacrifices and efforts at raising us
didn't go in vain because we appreciated her at every chance we got especially
when she needed us. We spent just one night at home and flew back to joburg
the next day.
=======
Thingo: "You just disappeared on me yesterday."
Me: "I am sorry babe." We hugged "there was a crisis at home. So what's up and
when is your test?"
Thingo: "In about 30 minutes, your brother had been great help actually. Bheka's
aunt/mother died so I was thinking we should go show support."
Me: "That's bad. Okay we'll go, this weekend?" She nodded
Me: "I'll talk to Mam Dora and we'll drive there." We carried on talking and
planning the trip. Bheka didn't talk much about his family but they seemed to be
big "All the best nana, nail that test."
Thingo: "Of course. I'll it with my hammer." We laughed, Thingo was crazy. I later
went to my classes while she went to write her test, we were going to meet at the
studio. We alternated between dance class and Hlanga's gym. It was free and we
had a personal trainer hehe and I was forming a 6 pack now "Bow are you okay?"
She was overdoing at the dance class.
Thingo: "Honestly I am not. Marriage is hard Gugulethu that's all I can say." She
sounded down.
Me: "I am sure its fixable."
Thingo: "I know, its just that this problem came at the worst time. Like I am so lost
right now." She was talking in riddles and I didn't want to push.
Me: "So what are you going to do?"
Thingo: "I don't know. I feel like a movie, are you game."
Me: "Let's hit the shower than." We did and we looked proper after, we kept a
go-to bag in our cars for convenience.
Girl: "Sorry what's your name?" She was talking to Thingo
Thingo: "Happiness Mkhize." Wow
Girl: "You really look familiar, I thought maybe you were related to Ntsika an ex of
mine." She giggled the last part, she was forward.
Thingo: "No sorry I don't know him."
Girl: "Okay bye than" she scurried off
Thingo: "She's like the 2nd or 3rd person who's mistaken me for someone she
knows."
Me: "What if you have a long lost twin somewhere." She laughed
Thingo: "I doubt it." She wasn't interested in my conspiracy. We went to the
movies and shopping later and we parted ways. I had to check on my woman.
Mamazi: "I miss you guys." She didn't even greet me.
Me: "We miss you too, how are feeling?"
Mamazi: "I am better thank you and for taking care of me. Your father took me
out on a date." She giggled
Me: "I am so jealous." We laughed
Mamazi: "Hayi Hlehle get your own man and leave mine alone."
Me: "FYI I have one his name is Sbonga The King Gumede." We laughed
Mamazi: "That's our king haibo!" We were still laughing. It made me happy to
hear that she was fine.
Me: "I don't share sorry sisi!"
Mamazi: "Mxm! Did you manage to catch up on school?"
Me: "I will, after this call I'll tackle everything I missed."
Mamazi: "Okay let me leave you to it. Kiss your brothers and Sbonga goodnight
for me."
Me: "Okay. I love you MaDube."
Mamazi: "I love you so much more MaMnguni." We hung up. The lesson here is,
sometimes the child takes care of the parent, its just a reminder that our parents
are human too and they need us just like we need them. After that call I got down
to my studying, I needed the degree. I couldn't let my parents support Sbonga and
I forever. While I was pushing criminal law my phone rang, it was the security
extension at our estate. Thingo wanted to come in, I opened up for her and
waited, I had just saw her like 2 hours ago.
Me: "And then?"
Thingo: "Gugulethu I can't be in the same room as my husband right now." She
had red eyes.
Me: "Oh okay. What happened?"
Thingo: "I don't want to talk about it. Can I crash here for a few days?"
Me: "Of course babe but 'Bow running away wont solve anything."
Thingo: "So which room?" She was diverting our conversation.
Me: "Take the guest bedroom."
Thingo: "Thank you. I promise I'll let you in but not today. Please wake me up
when Alime gets back he promised to tutor me."
Me: "Okay I will, and take as long as you need. I'll be in my room if you need me."
Thingo: "Okay." I left her. Thingo worried me sometimes, she wasn't expressive of
her feelings. You had to dig to find out how she was really doing. I was learning
that about her and I guess I had to accept her the way she was. I went back to my
room and studied.
THINGO
Me: “Thank you so much for the help. I think I am finally getting the hang of this
module.”
Alime: “I am glad I could help.” We were leaving our test venue. For once I knew
how to answer that question paper. I had the answers thanks to his help “Let me
walk you to your car.” We walked as he told me about how he was also feeling
the pressures of 2nd year, him and I were on the same boat, then add my
marriage to the mix. It was a disaster.
Me: “I have to go home and change now. I have dance class in an hour.”
Alime: “Okay see you around.” We hugged and I got in my car and drove home. I
really liked him, he was a good guy. When I got home, I wasn't ready for what I
found there. It was him, he looked so handsome and I wanted to hug him for dear
life. I stood there frozen not knowing what to do, he looked at me and I did the
same.
Hlanga: “Please talk to me Thingo lwam.”
Me: “Sawubona Hlangalezwe.”
Hlanga: “Tell me what I did wrong and I will fix it. Thingo lwam I need you.” Tears
just started streaming down my face. I didn’t know I was a cry baby until I met
Hlanga guys. He came closer and I couldn’t move
Me: “You didn’t choose me Hlanga.” I managed to say. “I know I said you could
live your life like you did before we were married but I didn’t think things will turn
out the way they are now. I thought maybe you’d wait for me and find me
worthy.”
Hlanga: “Baby I am sorry. You are worthy, believe me when I say that.” He had a
look of panic on his face. His eyes were begging eyes. I had little hope that he'll
act confused and ask me what am I talking about?
Me: “Hlangalezwe you don’t know what it took for me get where I am because I
thought you deserved the best of me. I wake up everyday and I have to convince
myself that all of this is worth it, me staying here with you, our marriage and I,
Thingo Mfeka said I love you.”
Hlanga: “Baby I know, believe me I know how its not easy for you.” I don’t think
he knew or understood how broken I was.
Me: “And to make it worse your aunt thinks I am infertile and I had to hear about
you picking up random women at a family gathering. How do you expect me to
stay when things are like this Hlangalezwe huh?”
Hlanga: “Thingo lwam we’ll figure things out. I know baby I was wrong, I was the
one who pushed this whole marriage thing on you and I knew you weren’t ready
for it but we can make it work. Forget my family, its just you and me Thingo lwam.
And I am really sorry for hurting you the way I did. I am weak Thingo, I admit
that.”
Me: “I don’t know Hlanga. I was perfectly fine before you, I had accepted that life
and I knew how to cope with it. Than you come with your handsome self and
rescue me only to break me even more.” We were still standing close to the door
“Imagine if it were me who was sleeping with random men?” his face changed
and he started breathing heavily, he was such a jealous man “That thought in your
head right now, has you all worked up and it didn’t even happen so imagine if it
did.”
Hlanga: “…” he had no words. "Baby I am really sorry. Please forgive me and we'll
find a way to fix this." I loved him and part of me might have been in denial about
certain things but what was I thinking he was doing all this time? Did I honestly
think he was sitting just waiting for me.
Me: “I need time Hlangalezwe. What you did hurt me so deep.” With that I went
to our room to change for our dance class. I know you probably thinking I had no
right to feel the way I do about this whole ordeal but it is the same man who got
all worked up over me having male friends and admitted to being a jealous
husband. I was a jealous wife as well and I had a right to feel betrayed. I didn’t
even know what I wanted anymore, like I had said Hlanga was my life-line, so
imagine if your life-line fucks you up. I wasn’t mad by Hlanga’s deed I was hurt by
the principal of the deed. Hlanga didn’t choose me as his wife, just like my father
didn’t choose his wife and I came into existence. The wife never gets chosen as a
result bastard children happen and they suffer the burden of their parents’ sins. I
was overdoing it at dance class and after class I didn't feel like going back home.
Hlelo and I hit the mall for a few hours, if only she knew that I was avoiding my
husband. I didn't even know if Hlanga loved me or just the idea of having a wife.
The guy hasn't leveled with me and we were fast approaching 3 years of knowing
each other, what was his plan anyway? Was it just to have something he got to
claim especially when our marriage was based on the fact that I was miserable.
After the mall I went back home and his sight just made me sad I packed a bag
Hlanga: "Siphosethu you cant leave, not like this."
Me: "..."
Hlanga: "Baby, I said I am sorry. Anything you want I'll do it, please don't leave."
He was a bit agitated.
Me: "Hlangalezwe leave me alone please!" He walked out and came back after a
few minutes and he just looked at me. I was pissed actually. I suddenly felt that I
was being used here. This wasn't about the fact that he had sex with someone
else anymore, it was about the fact that things weren't progressing in our
marriage and he was the reason for that. Hlanga knew every aspect of my life
whereas all I knew was what was in front of me.
Hlanga: "Fuck!! I said I am sorry" he threw the side lamp on the floor and he was
breathing heavily. The tv and the tv stand followed. I was terrified, I took my bag
and ran to the door. "SIPHOSETHU!!! I FUCKEN LOVE YOU, YOU ARE NOT LEAVING
THIS HOUSE!!!" Damn it! he locked the door. I quickly searched for my keys and
found them and opened, I ran to my car like a crazy person. I wasn't about to stay
in that house with that monster. Our apartment was on the ground floor so I
could still hear all the things he was throwing and the cussing. I drove away, he
needed to think about what he wanted. Hlelo was a saviour, she didn't ask
unnecessary questions, she just took whatever you gave her and supported me.
My stay at the Gumede house was indefinite.
=====
My husband is something else, wow!
Ma: "Siphosethu, this is not how a married woman behaves." Yes Hlanga called
her parents on me. After leaving his crazy ass I never once set foot in the
apartment until this day but it was just for two nights.
Me: "I just needed time to find perspective and think things through."
Ma: "You don't leave your house when you have problems. You stay and face
them. How do you think they'll get solved if you are staying at other people's
houses?"
Me: "..."
Ma: "You being there hasn't solved anything instead he wrecked your home and
he's drinking more than he was. I know he's not a child and he makes his own
decisions but Hlangalezwe is going through a lot and has survived a lot. He's not
like other men out there" I nodded "Siphosethu it takes a special person to deal
with Hlangalezwe and I knew from the first time I saw you that you're that
person. Please be patient with him, he'll eventually reveal himself to you."
Me: "I hear you ma."
Ma: "But if you keep running away from him, he'll lose the little hope he has and
might not even trust that you'll stay if he were to reveal himself to you. Deep
down he's still a child."
Me: "Okay."
Ma: "I need you to understand that I don't condone his behavior and I gave him a
piece of my mind, what he did was wrong but its your choice if you choose to stay
or leave him. But there is no perfect man Siphosethu, Hlanga has his good side
and his bad side."
Me: " I know that and like I said, I just needed perspective."
Ma: "Okay, baba and I will leave you two to sort things out."
Me: "Okay, Thank you for coming to check up on us." She laughed
Ma: "We didn't have a choice, your very dramatic husband called shouting, I am
sure the whole of Gauteng heard him." We laughed "Just bear with him, he's my
son and I know him, he's a good person." She was right, this was his first big fuck
up actually and I think I wasn't going to find out had it been for those wives. The
parents didn't stay, and we were left behind, just him and I.
Me: "You are such a cry baby Hlangezwe" we laughed
Hlanga: "Baby you just left me and your phone was off."
Me: "I was going to come back."
We were just sitting next to each other on the couch
Me: "Nyambose this whole thing made me realize that I don't know you that well.
And I really want to"
Hlanga: "I know. I'll communicate more." There was so much he was hiding from
me and he didn't need to, I was staying with whether he had cancer.
Me: "Do you want us to have sex?" I had to be blunt
Hlanga: "Of course I want to have sex with my wife but Thingo lwam you are not
ready, emotionally that is." He wasn't wrong, he really knew me. "We are married
so that comes with me being patient and understanding. You've never been with
a boy before and now you are married to this grown ass man who has white hair."
I laughed, he was lying he didn't have white hair "But my point is you are not
mature enough for anything that we are doing here, I realized that when you left.
So I have to understand."
Me: "I think I am a late bloomer."
Hlanga: "You are, your first kiss was at 19 years, imagine." He laughed at me. "You
are a rare breed Thingo lwam. I am lucky to have you and I am really sorry for
hurting you like that."
Me: "All is forgiven Nyambose wam. Ngyakthanda yaz (You know I love you)?"
Hlanga: "Hawu ngempela(Are you serious)?" We laughed
Me: "Uyaphapha."
Hlanga: "But you love me."
Me: "I do." He kissed my lips
Hlanga: "I love you too mfaz wam!"
Me: "Hlanga!" He laughed, he knew I didnt like that. "So what are we going to do
with the tv?" Hlanga broke everything in the house, okay I am being extra but we
needed new furniture.
Hlanga: "We are moving anyways so we'll buy for the new house." Shit!
Me: "Baby I haven't found one."
Hlanga: "Well get right on it Mrs."
Me: "Yes Mr." We looked at each other.
Hlanga: "Ngyakthanda."
Me: "Ngyakthanda." We kissed and sat in comfortable silence.

»23«
AZANDE
I was really doing this, taking the risk of going with the kids to a stranger's house
but he didn't feel like a stranger. In all honestly I wanted to and Nathan made me
feel wanted and the way he looks at me my word, his eyes follow every
movement I make, its crazy. I didn't want to rush things though like I did with
Mxolisi. I wasn't sure if I was even willing to gamble with my heart this time. Let's
admit it this love thing is a gamble basically.
Sonke: "Hawu sisi, when is bhuti getting here?" Sonke was a really talkative girl,
she worried me because even her report comment were about how talkative she
was. The kids were also the reason why I was seeing this through. They made so
much plans with Nathan for the weekend, I couldn't disappoint them. How did we
get to Sonke calling Nathan bhuti? Well we spent the night at the hotel with Mr
Pierce as planned and I have to say, I love spending time with him, there's
something about him that just pulls you in. We had dinner, the kids went for a
swim and we later went to bed. Throughout that dinner Nathan hardly paid
attention to me guys, he was busy entertaining Sphe, Sonke and Lethu. I have to
say I was a bit jealous because I actually liked his attention. Later that night when
it was just the two of us, we talked and cuddled most of the night, we kissed here
and there and all he kept on saying was he loved having me in his arms and I felt
safe in baba wezingane zam's arm, he's crazy man.
Sphe: "Let's call him sisi." She was just excited about Durban
Me: "Okay." I took my phone and dialled his number and put it on loudspeaker
Nathan: "Miss Prison" he laughed at his own joke.
Me: "Mxm!"
Sonke: "Bhuti we are waiting for you, are you coming?"
Nathan: "No baby girl, a driver is coming to pick you up and take you to the
airport and I'll see you when you land."
Sonke: "Okay. Tell him to hurry." He laughed, he was really entertaining Sonke
and Sphe's drama
Nathan: "Okay I will. Give sisi the phone." I turned off the loud speaker
Me: "Hello."
Nathan: "I can't wait to see you."
Me: "Me too. I am a bit nervous." I felt like myself around him. I couldn't hide
anything from him.
Nathan: "Don't be, you have nothing to be nervous about. I'll see when you land."
Me: "Okay." Then there was heavy breathing on the phone. He eventually hung
up. 2 minutes after, the call from the gate security informed me about the man
who was here to fetch us. We took our bags and we went down he packed them
for us and we left. We got to the airport then I remembered he didn't send me
references for our flight. I called him "Nathan you forgot to send me references
for the flight." He chuckled
Nathan: "Don't worry about it, its handle. Thabo knows what to do." That was our
driver by the way.
Me: "Okay." We got to Lenseria airport and Thabo took our luggage to what
looked like a private hanger
Thabo: "You can go in while I take care of your luggage."
Me: "Okay."
Sphe: "Private jet sis Zande!!!" She screamed, Sphe is a problem already, she was
just like me, a liker of nice things
Me: "I know, I know!!" I half screamed myself. We were all excited about this trip
I guess. For them it was to visit Durban and for me it was who was in Durban.
Sonke: "Sis Zande I think I am scared of flying."
Lethu: "Me too sisi." They were both nervous.
Me: "Dont worry I'll be here with you okay." They kept on nodding. We eventually
took off. We had snacks and listened to music, my 2 scared little cats seemed fine
during the flight. Flying to Durban was even shorter on a private jet, haha I am
joking, I was enjoying feeling important though. We landed and we got off, there
he was looking chilled in his golf t-shirt and jeans and Sebago shoes. Nathan was
tall, buff and toned up, his body was amazing and his face was just adding to the
hot sauce he was.
Nathan: "My people." He hugged the kids "How was your flight."
Lethu: "I love flying bhuti." All the fear went out the window I guess.
Sonke: "Me too."
Nathan: "I am glad." He looked at me for way too long and I just looked away.
Nathan made me feel like a high school girl all coy and fuzzy. "Get in the car while
I get your bags." He drove one of those fancy Mercedes Benz. I was bad with car
models. We got in the car and he eventually closed the boot after taking care of
our bags. He got in and stole a kiss, he was an idiot. "We first need to go grocery
shopping."
Me: "Okay." He drove us to Woolworths and we bought food and whatever the
kids were milking out of him. Sphe was even buying magazines but he didn't seem
to mind. After that we drove to Zimbali Golf Estate. It was amazing, the houses
there were exquisite, I wanted that life and that meant I needed to work even
harder.
Sonke: "Finally! We've been driving for too long."
Me: "Haibo Sisonke!" I had to reprimand her now
Nathan: "Let her be. Welcome to mi casa." He said hugging me, he really liked
that.
Me: "Thank you."
Nathan: "Kids the bedrooms are upstairs, pick one and feel at home." They ran
upstairs without hesitation.
Me: "Nathan are you rich?" He laughed, I had to know, that house was amazing, it
screamed money.
Nathan: "No I am just an affording man. You are not here to talk about my pocket
but to spend time with me, angithi?" I nodded "Before the weekend starts I need
to get something out of my chest."
Me: "What is it?" It was too soon for problems, we were still in the love bubble, if
I can call it that.
Nathan: "Don't panic. Azande Jele ngyakthanda and this feeling is rare for me
that's why I want to hold on to it. I'd like you to give me a chance to love you the
best way I can, take care of you and your siblings. I want and need you in my life
because suddenly I found myself not being able to make certain plans without
hearing what you think. Please give me a chance to make you happy." Wow! It got
me emotional and I liked what he said
Me: "Nathan" I said in a low tone
Nathan: "I know I am coming on a bit too strong but I have wasted enough time
and I don't want to waste anymore, you are it for me Azande. So think about it
and by the end of the weekend if you feel I am not your guy, I'll be crushed but I'll
understand." Was he kidding me, he was my guy.
Me: "Okay." I looked at him "I'll think about it." I just needed time to find reasons
why I'll give him a chance.
Nathan: "Okay." We hugged and kissed "Let's go check on them, they've been
gone for too long." We went upstairs and we found them in what looked like an
office. There were pictures of different women, men and children.
Me: "Who are these people." I was curious, Nathan was colored and these people
were black.
Nathan: "My family." So that's where is perfect Zulu came from.
Me: "Were you adopted?"
Nathan: "If you want to formalize it, yes." I was left even more confused
Nathan: "If you choose to stay, you'll meet them."
Me: "Okay." We later went downstairs and Nathan and the kids made dinner,
homemade beef burgers and oven baked chips. "Where's the wine we bought
babe?" He smiled and I smiled back all because of babe. He handed the bottle to
me and I opened all his cupboards until I found a wine glass. "Should I pour you a
glass."
Nathan: "No I am good. I don't drink."
Me: "What?" Who doesn't drink in this day and age?
Nathan: "Yes." He carried on frying patties with Sonke's help while Lethu buttered
the buns. Sphe was on lettuce, cucumber and tomatoes. I was instructed to just
watch them work.
Me: "It smells great guys, my tummy is even grumbling. Are you sure you don't
need my help?"
Nathan: "Drink your wine and let us work here." I lifted my hands in surrender
and I watched, the wine was going down well. We really felt at home.
Sonke: "Bhuti the chips in the oven." She was really excited about being Nathan's
helper. I think I found reason number 1 for staying, he was accepting of me and
what I come with.
Nathan: "Baby we need your help with setting the table."
Me: "Okay." At least I was useful for something. Next thing they played house
music on full blast wow! They were having the time of their live actually.
Eventually they finished and we ate. "You guys make very tasty beef burgers." I
wasn't lying, they were good.
Sonke: "Thank you sisi." This child she was too forward, and she smiled showing
her missing teeth. We were having beef burgers with chips and I was drinking
wine and they were on cool drink.
Nathan: "We can open a burger joint."
Sphe: "Indeed." We laughed. After dinner Sphe and l washed the dishes and they
watched tv
Me: "I need to freshen up."
Nathan: "Come this way." His bedroom was downstairs. "I'll go fetch your bag."
Nathan had serious money, everything about him was expensive he had a
collection of watches, obviously brands. A collection of colognes, the list is
endless "Here you go."
Me: "Thank you." I looked at him "You have a very nice house."
Nathan: "Thank you. Azande I really love you, please give me a chance." Oh my!
He even had begging eyes.
Me: "I am at your house, getting naked. Isn't it evident enough?" I was being
seductive and he smiled. I dropped my dress and I was left in my underwear. He
came closer and he held my waist
Nathan: "You are here, naked and I love that you are but baby I need to hear you
say it." I went in for a kiss and he responded. Things were getting interesting by
the second. I helped him out of his golf t-shirt and unbuckled his belt. "Baby are
you sure about this?"
Me: "I am, are you?" He made me feel his erection, Nathan was gifted and I
gasped
Nathan: "I want you in every possible way way baby but not when you haven't
given me an answer." This man, I was really turned on and I think the wine was
adding to my mood
Me: "Baby please, just once." Yes it was the wine that had me begging for it. He
laughed and picked me up and threw me on the bed. It happened so fast and he
made it so easy, His lips landed on my lips and that kiss was just out of this world.
The way he was sucking and biting on my lips was intoxicating I was turned on
even more, he unhooked my bra and kissed my breasts and sucking my nipples.
"Aaaah Ba... Nath.." the guy knew what he was doing, because he started playing
with my clit and I lost control. He inserted two fingers in my nuna while staring at
me and I arched when he started fingering me. "Aaaah" I closed my eyes
Nathan: "Baby look at me." I did as I was told barely keeping my eyes open. We
were now looking at each other while he played with my clit again and than went
back to fingering me “Ngyakthanda Azande.”
Me: "Nathan." I was feeling so many things at that moment and his blue eyes
were just making it hard for me to think. I kissed him after that with so much love
and lust. He went back to playing with my breasts, sucking them and rubbing
them. He went down my body while blowing air on my tummy that was sending
sensation all over my body. At that point my body was shaking non stop because I
was feeling so many things all at once. The way he was touching me was different,
I had never been touched like that before, I couldn’t explain it though. He took off
my panties and I was butt naked and exposed.
Nathan: "You have an amazing body baby, you going to be the death of me." He
said dropping his pants together with his boxer. I giggled and watch him stroke his
shaft while admiring his perfect physique. We kissed yet again, he moved to my
jawline, next was my neck all the way to my boobs, he takes his sweet time there
and then he kissed me all the way down to my nuna and he ate it all up until I let
out all the honey, it felt amazing. He positioned himself and I could feel Nj
knocking in my nuna. Slowly he pushed himself in
Me: "Aaaah baby." I started moving but stopped me.
Nathan: "Shit! Aaah you feel amazing baby." He started slowly thrusting in and
out of me. We were moving rhythmically and it felt amazing, I was seeing
unicorns and rainbows. He took my hands and connected them above my head
and I opened my legs wider giving him full access "Aaaah Fuck!"
Me: "Aaahhh so good. Mmm" it really was. Next thing he turns me and has me on
my fours and I gave him my big behind and he tore my pussy up. The end was
near, my toes were curling "Baby aaah!!!
Nathan: "Baby hold it!! Aaah shit!!" I couldn't hold it.
Me: "Baby aaah!! Baby aaaah!!" I came apart. Nathan didn't stop instead we
switch position and he let me ride him and I did
Nathan: "Shit!! Azande!!" He was liking it and so was I. I was building up again and
this man hasn't cum yet, wow! "Aaaaaah fuck!!" He was close. He turned me to
my right side and entered me from the back and he didn't have mercy on me
Me: "Baby slow down. Aaah!!" He didn't and I was closer than close "Aaaah gosh
Nathan!!!" I came apart again
Nathan: "Aaah fuck! Fuck." He came after me. He collapsed next to me "You were
amazing." He kissed my cheek and we cuddled
Me: "Mmmh. You wore me out." I was tired.
Nathan: "You begged me to." We laughed
Me: "It was the wine, I swear."
Nathan: "I'll buy you a whole farm if it gets you so needy and begging."
Me: "Mxm" I looked at him. Suddenly I was vulnerable and I needed his assurance
"Nathan did you mean everything you said earlier?"
Nathan: "Every word baby. I just want you in my life Azande. I don't promise that
we won't have problems but I assure you that we'll always find a way. Nothing
about my life is normal so don't expect our relationship to be as well. You already
have my love and I also promise to respect you and you have my loyalty and
commitment." What more does a girl need because I already had his attention as
well.
Me: "Please don't break my heart Nathan."
Nathan: "Not intentionally baby." I nodded "Please don't break mine Azande."
Me: "Not intentionally." We kissed and things escalated again. While we were
busy exchanging saliva his phone rang
Nathan: "I have to take this baby."
Me: "Okay." It was best I check on the kids. I found his gown and I went
downstairs they were still up.
Me: "when are you going to sleep?"
Sphe: "After this movie."
Me: "Are still fine?"
Lethu: "Sisi shhh!" Woo aah.
Me: "I guess I'll see you guys in the morning. Good night."
Them: "Night." They weren't even looking at me. I went back to the room, I found
him in just his boxers and he was on the phone and laptop talking about routes
and merchandise. I picked up our clothes from the floor and searched for the
used condom and wrapper with fail.
Nathan: "What are you looking for?" Oh he was done
Me: "The used condom to I can throw it away." His face changed
Nathan: "Baby I totally forgot to use it. We'll go to the doctor in the morning."
Was he kidding me.
Me: "Okay."
Nathan: "Do you want kids?"
Me: "I do but not right now. Do you?"
Nathan: "I do."
Me: "With me?" He nodded with a smile
Nathan: "Have you forgotten my first name?" He had a smirk on his hot face, I
laughed.
Me: "Baba wezingane zam." I was still laughing, where was this guy all my life? He
made everything easy like falling for him. "Okay. I am going to shower like I had
planned." I opened my suitcase and I dropped his gown and wrapped the towel I
had packed around my body.
Nathan: "You don't need the towel." I felt him come closer. "You made me taste
you, now I can't get enough." He dropped my towel and pinned me against the
wall and I let him, it was dirty with a lot of emotion. He made me bend just a little
and spanked my ass
Me: "Nathan!!" He chuckled and without warning he entered me hard "Aaaah" I
loved it.
Nathan: "Baby you sooo tight and warm. FUCK!!!” he started thrusting in and out
slowly and I arched my back. I loved sex, I am human and this man knew how to
give to me. He picked up the pace and grabbed my one leg up and he went in
deeper
Me: “Yeees Baby.” it was painfully amazing. I was building up “Aaaaah Nathan!!”
and he pulled out. I turned looked at him "Baby."
Nathan: "Orgasms are for girlfriends." He walked to his ensuite bathroom with his
exposed tight butt. I was so close and now I was hot and bothered, I needed him
to finish what he started.
Me: "Nathan please."
Nathan: "You know what to do." He was smiling. We just standing in the middle of
his bathroom naked.
Me: "Fine! I am your girlfriend/partner and I am committed to you. The truth is I
am scared Nathan." He smiled and he came over to kissed my forehead
Nathan: "You my girlfriend?" I nodded "I want you all in Azande. No doubts, no
fear. So tell what are you scared of?"
Me: "That I'll invest my time only to have you walk out on me. My siblings are
already attached and I am too. So you walking out, you wont be just breaking my
heart but theirs too." He held my chin and made me look at him. I always get lost
in his ocean blue eyes. He kissed me and I responded
Nathan: "I am also attached, walking out on you guys, that's not a choice I'd make
anytime soon or willingly." I smiled
Nathan: "So stop being scared, you have me." That just made things even worse.
He was too perfect.
Me: "Okay I am all in."
Nathan: "Not for the orgasms I hope." I laughed. Nathan was an idiot.
Me: "Of course I am in for the orgasms. I mean you are here for the dry cleaning
bill right?" He laughed at me
Nathan: "Azande you drive me crazy. You have me wrapped around your finger." I
just giggled "Come lets get cleaned up, we have a long day tomorrow." We got in
the shower and it was innocent. After the shower we went straight to bed, he
really didn't give me my orgasm but I was his girlfriend now and I was entitled to
them whenever!
======
Durban was amazing, Nathan was amazing too. I was learning so much about him,
I guess this weekend was a good idea after all. He was a man with discipline and
control and. He liked being in charge of me and honestly I didn't mind and he
cared too much which made him spoil us rotten. The kids and I left him broke I
feel but he didn't complain not even once. He took the kids to the beach which
they loved very much and we later went ice skating and it was horrible, I kept on
falling on the ice and he couldn't stop laughing at me. We had a lot of fun and I
loved that side of me, it looked like I was getting it back, my fun side. We took a
lot of pictures at his request but the weekend had ended and it was time for us to
head back to reality. The mood was sour driving to the airport
Nathan: "So." He looked at me "How are we going to make this work." My eyes
were glassy, it had dawned on me that I was in a long distance relationship "I have
a plan, I just need to hear what you have in mind."
Me: "Angaz mina Nathan. I work weird hours sometimes and I work weekends as
well. And you being in Durban makes things a bit hard."
Nathan: "Its not a matter of location baby, if you want me in Joburg all the time
then so be it but I don't think its wise booking into a hotel all the time." What was
he saying
Me: "So what are you suggesting?"
Nathan: "That I buy a bigger house for you and the kids and we move in
together."
Me: "No Nathan cohabiting is not happening."
Nathan: "I won't buy one just to live alone Azande. I am already sad that I am
going back to that sad house."
Me: "I guess we'll just keep visiting every weekend."
Nathan: "..." I don't think he liked that, he got out of the car and handled the
luggage with Lethu's help while the girls and I boarded the jet, nice life problems.
They came in and we departed, he was really avoiding being alone. We sat in
comfortable silence with my head on his chest and him on his tablet. We landed
and Thabo was already waiting for us he gave him car keys and we left. We got to
the flat and it suddenly felt small, I might just take up his offer of buying us a
house. The kids were tired and they went straight to bed.
Me: "Nathan. I love you too." It came out of nowhere, I swear but I had been
looking at him just sitting on the couch staring at the ceiling.
Nathan: "I love you Natasha." I laughed. That name though. We just looked at
each other smiling. He stood up and came to kiss me "I'll see you in the morning.
I'll come pick you and the kids up for school and work."
Me: "It's fine, we can manage."
Nathan: "I know you can manage but I am available now to make things easy for
you, take advantage of that." He kissed me again.
Me: "I don't want you to go." I was clingy guys, I admit that
Nathan: "But you don't want to live with me either. I don't want your problems."
Me: "Hawu." He laughed at me "Nathan I can't, not unmarried, it's a matter of
principle."
Nathan: "Okay and I respect that. Are you ready for that type of commitment?"
Me: "..." I didn't have an an honest answer so I shrugged my shoulders
Nathan: "Than what we doing here Azande, are you just passing time?" His tone
changed
Me: "Of course not. I am in this but Nathan its been only 2 weeks since you and I
started talking. Its too soon."
Nathan: "Okay." He left. Wow! I didn't know what was happening. I went to
change into my pjs and Sphe came in
Sphe: "Sis Zande, I like Nathan, he feels like the big brother we never had."
Me: "I know, he's amazing."
Sphe: "He actually likes us, unlike Mxolisi."
Me: "Mxolisi is not a topic we'll ever have, okay." I didn't want him ruining my
mood even thinking of him.
Sphe: "Okay. Can I sleep with you."
Me: "Okay. I am going to drink water." I took my phone and called him "Baba
wezingane zam, are we fighting?" He laughed
Nathan: "No baby, we are just at an impass. You are right to not rush into things, I
respect that. I know what I want Azande and that's you and I am willing to go all
the way to home affairs with you." What?
Me: "Nathan."
Nathan: "You have work in the morning baby, get some sleep. I'll see you in a few
hours."
Me: "Okay."
Nathan: "I love you"
Me: "I love you too."
»23«
CONTINUED
NQOBANI
Palesa: "Baby I think I should go with you."
Me: "Its a business meeting Pali."
Palesa: "I don't trust this Mimi girl, so I am going." She worried too much, there's
was nothing going on between Mimi and I. We had a meeting regarding our
events and since she was close to giving birth walking was hard for her so we had
to meet at her place.
Me: "Okay, hurry up." She got ready and we drove to her place. She had her own
place now that she had a job. I knocked and she opened with wearing just a lace
bra and a g-string.
Mimi: "Oh you came with her."she said it with a bored face
Palesa: "Di aparo tsa hau di kae(where are your clothes)?" I wasn't even
concentrating, Mimi had a hot body man, pregnant as she was "Yey!! Ausi go get
dressed!"
Mimi: "Hoa chesa(its hot)." She was enjoying pressing Palesa's buttons
Me: "Mimi this is a business meeting, so please!"
Mimi: "Fine!" She went to her room and her butt was all exposed and big. I was
turned on, I am a man and it was Mimi!
Palesa: "Yeses!! Baby I am still saying, I don't trust that girl." Yeah with the way
Mimi had been behaving Palesa has been vocal about her trust issues. She came
back wearing a short dress but I ignored her and we got down to business. If she
wasn't being herself, she was good at promoting our events and they worked well
with Keith, Hlanga was just a silent partner. We strategized until Mimi said she
was hungry.
Mimi: "I only cooked enough for the 3 of us." She was brushing her big baby bump
that time.
Me: "Don't worry yourself about food, Pali and I will sort ourselves out."
Mimi: "Oh." She was sulking
Me: "Hawu Mimi." A tear fell out her eye
Mimi: "I put in a lot of effort making the food now and you don't want it." She
cried louder and I was just confused
Me: "Okay fine, I'll eat your food" and she was back to smiling
Mimi: "Thank you." She went to dish up and came back with two plates. Hers and
mine and she handed me mine
Palesa: "Mxm!"
Me: "Come baby we'll share." I stood up "I'll fetch another spoon." I came back
with it and we ate and it seemed like the pregnant woman was satisfied. After
eating we carried on planning and strategizing until we were done.
Mimi: "Everything is set. I'll get back to you when Keith and I have discussed
venues."
Me: "Okay. Bye."
Mimi: "Bye and you too Pali."
Palesa: "Bye Mimi." She said with so much attitude. Girl drama was too much, I
didn't want to get involved. We left and Palesa was suddenly distant. I was
confused even more
Me: "Baby, MaMoloi." I took her hand while I was driving and kissed it "Bua le na
baby keng(talk to me, what's wrong)?"
Palesa: "What Mimi is doing bothers me Clive and you are just letting her."
Me: "I don't control what Mimi does Palesa. What do you want me to do?"
Palesa: "Put her in her place Clive. Tell her I am in the picture now and whatever
your arrangement was is over." I was really into her but her insecurities were
unattractive
Me: "Okay let's call her so I can set her straight, I don't like it when you in a sour
mood." She giggled and gave me my phone and I called her
Mimi: "Clive baby."
Me: "Mimi we need to set boundaries in this situation we've found ourselves in.
You and I are never going to happen so please stop with whatever schemes you
are doing."
Mimi: "What schemes Clive ahha? Clive you and I were fine before "mang mang"
came into the picture, she has poisoned you against me and all of a sudden I am
scheming hebana!"
Me: "Mimi I'd like for you to acknowledge and respect the fact that Palesa is in my
life now."
Mimi: "Mxm fine!" She hung up. I don't know if she was naturally rude or it was
the pregnancy.
Me: "Now that's done what do you want us to do?"
Palesa: "Shopping and thank you baby, I hope she'll behave."
Me: "I hope so too. Where do want to go shopping?"
Palesa: "Menlyn or Sandton, I don't know."
Me: "Sandton. I want to go check on my sisters."
Palesa: "Okay" I drove us to Sandton as plan. Nathan called while Palesa was
taking me to each and every store.
Me: "Pierce."
Nathan: "Grootboom, I am in town and we need to talk."
Me: "Okay I am with my woman right now, we can meet at ClubSenses later."
Nathan: "Good" I hung up
Palesa: "Baby don't you need anything?"
Me: "I am fine for now. Are you done?"
Palesa: "I just need perfume then I am good."
Me: "Okay." She took me to Red Square shop and she did her thing, I paid and we
left. I got at home and it was a full house. Sne was back from boarding school and
Nolwazi and Cebo were busy with weaves, that was Cebo's business and I was
there for her
Sihle: "Malume!" Yes! She has grown so much
Me: "Hey baby girl." I tickled and she wouldn't stop laughing. She bought so much
joy in the house.
Sihle: "Hayi Malume." She even had tears
Cebo: "Hayi Nqobani she's going to pee herself." I stopped and she tried catching
her breathe
Sihle: "Futhi malume(again)." I laughed
Palesa: "Baby qela ungthengele iweave sthandwa sam(please buy me a weave my
love)." I laughed, she sounded weird.
Me: "How much is it anyway?"
Cebo: "It depends on the inches she wants. Wena Mrs Mthimkhulu 24 or 26 inch
will suit you."
Me: "How much."
Cebo: "R3000 including a closure." Whatever that was
Me: "What?? Just for hair? Does it comb itself or what?"
Nolwazi: "These are quality weaves bhuti."
Palesa: "Baby, please buy me one."
Me: "Family discount Cebo?" She laughed
Cebo: "None, I am running a business here. Nqobani you can afford it hawu. Spoil
your woman with quality hair." She was really a businesswoman
Me: "Fine. I'll transfer your money."
Palesa: "Aaah thank you baby!" She kissed my cheek
Me: "For R3000 Pali, I think I deserve more than a kiss on the cheek."
Palesa: "The big things will come later my love ema!" We laughed and they
carried on talking about hair with Nolwazi.
Cebo: "I like her for you. She brings out the best in you."
Me: "I like her too. So have you decided on a wedding date?"
Cebo: "Not yet. We still sorting our life out. He wants Sihle and I to move to
Rustenburg with him and mina I have a job here so angaz."
Me: "You thinking of transferring?"
Cebo: "Like I said, I don't know. Rustenburg was never part of the plan and I don't
know anyone there."
Me: "You are married now Cebolihle and that comes with compromising." She
was technically married now since they paid lobola.
Cebo: "I know kodwa bhuti, I am honestly not ready for relocation."
Me: "You are the one who told me that you were marrying Tumisang so you can
be a family. So if it calls for your family to be in Rustenburg, than do it."
Cebo: "I hear you. I don't want to talk about this anymore, it ruins the mood nje."
She stood up from the couch and left Sihle and I. After some time I left for the
club. Everyone was there and drinking
Me: "Nathan why aren't drinking?"
Ndu: "He doesn't drink."
Me: "Oh." And he showed me his Valpre water bottle
Hlanga: "Major Grootboom." He was extra
Me: "Yeah yeah. Pierce, you wanted us to talk."
Nathan: "Yeah, I need a place to rent."
Me: "Oh okay. What are you looking for. Townhouse, flat."
Nathan: "3 bedroom townhouse."
Me: "Okay I have one, but its still being renovated. Give it a month."
Nathan: "Perfect." We carried on drinking and laughing. Chance and Nathan were
comedians and add Hlanga to the mix, it was a receipe for disaster. A
brotherhood was forming there indeed, there was even trust.
Chance: "I was thinking of us taking the Nigerians out of the equation."
Hlanga: "Thuba are willing to gamble like that?"
Nathan: "We haven't done anything done to make a statement. I say we do it.
They are a problem anyway."
Me: "From what I know about the Nigerian syndicate is they have ears
everywhere."
Nathan: "That's good than they'll hear about us everywhere."
Ndu: "How will we go about it?"
Nathan: "We create a problem for them then solve it for them."
Hlanga: "That's easy, they biggest income is human trafficking for the Nigerians."
Nathan: "And we have the UN on this table, who'll save those hopeless young girls
while taking their territory and business." This was crazy. Nathan was a
mastermind, he saw things you'll never imagine. I had never heard of corporate
assassination until he came along and now they were stealing territory.
Me: "If we are going to involve the UN our story needs to be in check."
Ndu: "Of course. We need to gain access in their operations. Like who's their
supplier and distributor."
Nathan: "I am sure Sam will like this job."
Chance: "Definitely." They chuckled. Samukelisiwe aka Sam is one of the females
that are part of the gang, she came with Nathan when the merger happened.
She's an adrenalin junkie and is fearless, more than most guys actually. We
carried on tallking about the plan, I have to say I was loving everything about
being part of a gang.
=======
Me: "Nqobani, hello."
Mamello: "Clive Mimi is in labour, the ambulance came and took her."
Me: "Which hospital?"
Mamello: "Netcare."
Me:"Okay, I am coming." This was it, the moment I had been dreading. All of a
sudden I didn't want to find out. I called Hlanga
Hlanga: "Ntwana."
Me: "Mimi is in labour Hlangalezwe."
Hlanga: "Shit! What's the plan Grootboom?"
Me: "I am driving to Netcare now. I'll take the test immediately so that we know
soon enough." But it had to be down. This has been the longest 9 months of my
life, it was exhausting, waiting for the unknown I mean.
Hlanga: "I am still busy with Siphosethu but I'll come through as soon as I can."
Me: "Sharp!" I hung up. I called my sister after that. Cebolihle always knew what
to say in a time of crisis and she was available to wait with me. I got there she was
screaming and shouting at everyone. I was scared actually.
Dr: "I'll take your blood now so that when I deliver the baby I rush it to the lab."
We eventually told him about the paternity and he's been supportive actually.
Mr: "How long will it take?"
Dr: "2 weeks latest." I nodded "Come this side." We went to a patient room and
he did his thing and it was painless "Done."
Me: "Okay." I got a call from Cebo and I went to find her. "Thank you for coming."
We hugged
Cebo: "Okay. Whatever the outcome bhuti we'll figure out a way."
Me: "I know. I just wish, it wasn't this hard you know."
Cebo: "Nothing in life is easy Nqobani."
Me: "Let me go check on her."
Cebo: "Okay. Have you called Palesa?"
Me: "Shit!! No." I took out my phone and called her. "Baby Mimi is in labour."
Palesa: "What! Oh okay, baby I am in Durban as we speak. I'll see you over the
weekend. I am sorry."
Me: "It's cool. Let me go, bye"
Palesa: "I love you Clive."
Me: "I love you too baby." I hung up and I found them doing breathing exercises.
Childbirth was hectic. 20 hours later she gave birth to a 2,21 kg baby boy. I didn't
know whether to hold him or not. All of this was too much. I couldn't even tell if
he looked like me or not. He was just a peaceful sleeping baby.
Mimi: "I really want him to be yours."
Me: "..." Suddenly all the anger and resentment I had been holding on to came
back. Mimi might have ruined my life if the baby turned out to not be mine and
the happiest man if he was mine she basically owned me, nxa! At that moment I
wished she had just pinned the pregnancy on me and it ended there. I left the
nursery. I found Hlanga, Thingo and Cebo in the waiting area
Me: "I am going to the club."
Hlanga: "I am driving." Thingo drove his car and Cebo left in hers
Me: "Hlanga, I don't want to talk about this."
Hlanga: "Okay." We drove to the club and we drank. With none of us talking just
listening to the music.
This was crazy. Nathan was a mastermind, he saw things you'll never imagine. I
had never heard of corporate assassination until he came along and now they
were stealing territory.
Me: "If we are going to involve the UN our story needs to be in check."
Ndu: "Of course. We need to gain access in their operations. Like who's their
supplier and distributor."
Nathan: "I am sure Sam will like this job."
Chance: "Definitely." They chuckled. Samukelisiwe aka Sam is one of the females
that are part of the gang, she came with Nathan when the merger happened.
She's an adrenalin junkie and is fearless, more than most guys actually. We
carried on tallking about the plan, I have to say I was loving everything about
being part of a gang.
=======
Me: "Nqobani, hello."
Mamello: "Clive Mimi is in labour, the ambulance came and took her."
Me: "Which hospital?"
Mamello: "Netcare."
Me:"Okay, I am coming." This was it, the moment I had been dreading. All of a
sudden I didn't want to find out. I called Hlanga
Hlanga: "Ntwana."
Me: "Mimi is in labour Hlangalezwe."
Hlanga: "Shit! What's the plan Grootboom?"
Me: "I am driving to Netcare now. I'll take the test immediately so that we know
soon enough." But it had to be down. This has been the longest 9 months of my
life, it was exhausting, waiting for the unknown I mean.
Hlanga: "I am still busy with Siphosethu but I'll come through as soon as I can."
Me: "Sharp!" I hung up. I called my sister after that. Cebolihle always knew what
to say in a time of crisis and she was available to wait with me. I got there she was
screaming and shouting at everyone. I was scared actually.
Dr: "I'll take your blood now so that when I deliver the baby I rush it to the lab."
We eventually told him about the paternity and he's been supportive actually.
Mr: "How long will it take?"
Dr: "2 weeks latest." I nodded "Come this side." We went to a patient room and
he did his thing and it was painless "Done."
Me: "Okay." I got a call from Cebo and I went to find her. "Thank you for coming."
We hugged
Cebo: "Okay. Whatever the outcome bhuti we'll figure out a way."
Me: "I know. I just wish, it wasn't this hard you know."
Cebo: "Nothing in life is easy Nqobani."
Me: "Let me go check on her."
Cebo: "Okay. Have you called Palesa?"
Me: "Shit!! No." I took out my phone and called her. "Baby Mimi is in labour."
Palesa: "What! Oh okay, baby I am in Durban as we speak. I'll see you over the
weekend. I am sorry."
Me: "It's cool. Let me go, bye"
Palesa: "I love you Clive."
Me: "I love you too baby." I hung up and I found them doing breathing exercises.
Childbirth was hectic. 20 hours later she gave birth to a 2,21 kg baby boy. I didn't
know whether to hold him or not. All of this was too much. I couldn't even tell if
he looked like me or not. He was just a peaceful sleeping baby.
Mimi: "I really want him to be yours."
Me: "..." Suddenly all the anger and resentment I had been holding on to came
back. Mimi might have ruined my life if the baby turned out to not be mine and
the happiest man if he was mine she basically owned me, nxa! At that moment I
wished she had just pinned the pregnancy on me and it ended there. I left the
nursery. I found Hlanga, Thingo and Cebo in the waiting area
Me: "I am going to the club."
Hlanga: "I am driving." He took my car keys from me. Thingo drove his car and
Cebo left in hers
Me: "Hlanga, I don't want to talk about this." I said getting into the car.
Hlanga: "Okay." We drove to the club and we drank. With none of us talking just
listening to the music.
»24«
HLELO
Me: "So I have a date tomorrow night." And my sister screamed, I just laughed.
Kusaselihle was dramatic like mamazi. We were facetiming with my sister
Sasa: "Finally we are over the douche called Tyson." We laughed, I was so over
him. "You have to look great mntase." She said out of excitement.
Me: "I don't know what to wear, and he seems like the type who makes an effort
in everything he wears." He did. He was a guy I met when I was enjoying my
milkshake and waffle at Milky Lane. I was spoiling myself that day, I was still on
the self-loving boat and I think I was doing it right because I was happy and
content.
Sasa: "Who's this guy anyway?"
Me: "His name is Kabelo Mogale. He's Pedi"
Sasa: "From Turfloop?" We laughed, my sister forced Skeem Saam down our
throats at home.
Me: "Yes actually." We laughed even harder. She was my better half young as she
was.
Sasa: "Oh hayi Hlehle. Anyway big sis wear that short black jumpsuit of yours,
show some leg nje." And I had killer legs.
Me: "With what shoes? I don't want to come on too strong mntase." Sasa and I
loved looking good. We had that in common.
Sasa: "Fine. Go with an all denim outfit with strap heels. You'll look good without
letting yourself go." I laughed, she was so extra
Me: "I like it. I'll go with my own hair next thing brother thinks I am slay queen."
We laughed
Sasa: "Wow!! You are crazy."
Me: "And you love me. I have to go now sis. I have to get this degree so I can get
you out of jail." She laughed
Sasa: "Yenza usheshe(get it fast) Hlehle because I might kill your brothers for
being annoying." We laughed. I had to hang up before she starts venting about
our brothers bullying her.
Me: "Let me get on it. I love you boo boo."
Sasa: "I love you and kiss My King for me."
Me: "Will do." I hung up and I went downstairs to start cooking supper. My
brothers took Sbonga out for ice cream and I knew when they come back they'll
demand food. They were always hungry.
======
Date night came and I started preparing myself for it. I ironed my outfit and I took
close to 2 hours washing my hair in the shower and now I was fixing it, so it can
look proper for my date. I was really nervous, I wasn't even sure about this guy.
Not that I had a type but he seemed arrogant for me but hay you can't judge a
book by its cover, right.
Lakhe: "Hlehle! Gugulethu!" He was banging my door
Me: "Yin? I am busy here." I went to open for him "Ufunan Masilakhe?"
Lakhe: "I'm in shit with Lauren. I need you to act as a girl I am dumping, you have
to be convincing Gugulethu."
Me: "Woah!! Ima, why on earth will I help you while breaking some poor girl's
heart?" He was crazy
Lakhe: "Ngyakcela MaMnguni. Lauren is mad, she thinks I am cheating on her."
Lauren was his girlfriend, at least he tried to commit himself. Alime didn't, it was
different girls for different days.
Me: "You are cheating Lakhe. I don't get it, you seem to like Lauren, why not be
with her?"
Lakhe: "Lauren is virgin Hlehle and she wants to wait until marriage and I am just
not strong enough. So Pearl was supposed to be "in the meantime" girl while I am
the best boyfriend to Lauren. Pearl has caught feelings and she calls at odd hours
now. She's stressing me." I laughed at him, he was really desperate.
Me: "No! I am not going to get involved."
Lakhe: "It's clear that you don't love me. Forget about being an aunt from me." I
laughed, he was dramatic "I am serious."
Me:"Leave my room Lakhe so I can get ready."
Lakhe: "Where are you going vele vele?"
Me: "Unlike you some guys still put an effort and woo us. I am going on a date."
Lakhe: "Awuyi lapho(you not going there)!" He was stern
Me: "Ngabe ngizalwa wuwe(if you were the one who birthed me) and the last
time I checked Zusakhe and Qwabe are in Durban."
Lakhe: "Ngiwu Qwabe nam(I am Qwabe as well). And ngithi awuyi lapho(I am
saying you not going there) Gugulethu." He left my room. I am being pranked
right? Lakhe has no power over me.
Me: "Mxm!" I carried on getting ready and when I was satisfied with my hair, I got
dressed and did my make up. And Kabelo called "Hey there."
Kabelo: "Hey. I am leaving my place now, I should be there in 30 minutes."
Me: "Okay."
Kabelo: "I can't wait to see you." Ncoooh.
Me: "Me too. Let me get ready while you drive here."
Kabelo: "Okay later babe."
Me: "Later." I hung. I didn't have expectations for that night. I was keeping an
open mind, so I am less disappointed. After I was done I went to check Sbonga
who was watching t.v. with his nanny "Ma I'll see you guys later, ngisaphuma
kancane(I am going out for a while."
Mam Dora: "Okay. You look nice."
Me: "Thank you." And my phone rang, it was the estate gate, I told then I know
him and we were good. I went to the door
Lakhe: "How are you going to get out of the door?" He showed me my keys
Me: "Lakhe don't piss me off. You are not my father."
Lakhe: "I know. I asked you for a favor Hlehle and you said no. If I can't be happy,
you also shouldn't be." Wow! This was the bullying Sasa always complained
about.
Me: "Fine. I'll help you, now give me my keys." He smiled, Lakhe was an idiot. He
opened the door
Lakhe: "If the date goes wrong, call me okay."
Me: "Okay."
Lakhe: "You look good baby sis." He walked me to the gate.
Me: "Thank you" Kabelo got out his car
Lakhe: "Igama ne sbongo ndoda(Name and surname man)?" He was being a very
protective big brother now
Kabelo: "Kabelo Mogale."
Lakhe: "If she shreds a tear, I'll find you and it won't be pretty." He meant even his
face said it.
Me: "Bhuti." He ignored me.
Lakhe: "Take care of my princess." He went back to the house. He was my big
brother guys. He opened the door for me and we drove off
Kabelo: "Your brother is hectic."
Me: "Not usually. He's just protective."
Kabelo: "I understand. So I was thinking we catch a movie and later dinner."
Me: "I'd love that."
Kabelo: "Great." We drove to the mall and watched some action movie. I wasn't
interested. It was already strike one, he didn't even ask if I liked action movies.
After the movie we went to Rocco Mammas. The conversation was flowing. He
was an interesting guy. He was a student and he worked part time as a sales
consultant but I was missing something, he wasn't funny, he took himself too
seriously. "I was thinking since the night is still young we can head back to my
place and chill." We all know that chill was a code word for sex. I wasn't a girl who
gave it up the first night
Me: "I have an early morning tomorrow, sorry." He was disappointed "I think we
should leave."
Kabelo: "Since I paid for the movies, you don't mind handling our food bill, right?"
Babazani!!! He asked me out on the date, not the other way around. It was over
before it even began
Me: "Sure." I paid and we left. There's no way he was getting in between my legs,
it wasn't about me paying. He was just shady about it. Here I was bragging to my
brother about being woo'd bhekani(look), mxm! We spoke about music on the
way back to the house but I was so over that night.
Kabelo: "Tonight was fun. I'll see you maybe tomorrow and you'll spend the night
at my place." This guy was thirsty as fuck. Throughout the night the conversation
had to involve sex somehow. I can't
Me: "I have tests coming up so I'll be quite busy."
Kabelo: "Oh okay. Goodnight Gugu we'll talk on whatsapp."
Me: "Sharp." I got off the car we hugged and baby kissed and he left. I called
Thingo "Friend!"
Thingo: "Gugulethu, I am a married woman and you just disturbed quality time
with my man. Make it fast!" She laughed, I was a bit jealous. Things were working
out for her and my life was a disaster nje
Me: "The date was horrible 'Bow he made me pay for our meal. Like who does
that?" Next thing Hlanga laughed as well "Am I on loudspeaker? You are so dead
Rainbow Mthethwa!"
Hlanga: "Yay! Not my wife, the person you should be killing is your date." They
laughed at me. Thingo and Hlanga were goals man.
Me: "Not only is he broke bhuti he was busy insisting we go to his place. Wooo!! I
am leaving this country mina."
Thingo: "Relax friend, the right guy will come."
Me: "Check if Tongaat still has Hlanga type guys." We laughed
Hlanga: "Mxm! There's only one Hlanga and he's taken sorry!" I laughed
Thingo: "By me." We were all laughing.
Me: "Mxm! Niyabhora(you are boring). I have a King mina, wena Hlanga you have
no title."
Thingo: "Yay! He has one, he's my Beast." We laughed, she was crazy.
Me: "You need help wena 'Bow. Goodnight Mthethwas."
Them: "Night." I hung up. I felt better but I was disappointed, I guess I did have
expectations. He texted that he made it home safe and ignored him. My love life
was a disaster but I had other things to worry about like school and my son and
my focus was going to be on that.
======
Mamazi: "Hlehle please talk to him maybe he'll listen to you." She was stressed
about you could tell "He's so angry at your father I don't know anymore." We
were talking about Simo. After his mother rejected him he went from golden boy
to straight rebel. He was uncontrollable. He's been suspended twice at school for
fighting, he all of a sudden became an angry boy, it was a mess.
Me: "I'll try but mamazi, this whole thing can't be easy for him. I know I wouldn't
be fine if it were me."
Mamazi: "Trust me baby no one understands like me and your father about what
he's going through but these outbursts are misdirected and unnecessary. Your
father doesn't have the answers is to why Fezeka is like this."
Me: "I'll try and talk to him again, they are coming for the weekend."
Mamazi: "Please baby. How's school and are your brothers behaving?"
Me: "Alime no Lakhe and behaving, are you sure?" We laughed
Mamazi: "A parent can hope, hawu."
Me: "Well instead they're getting worse but school is school, we are managing."
Mamazi: "It will come together. I have to go back to work now. Love you."
Me: "Love you too." We hung up. I needed a way to make Simo see reason, in all
honesty I was regretting the whole thing of pushing baba to let them meet
because it changed my brother and the whole family actually because my parents
were stressed and worried about him and he was slowly ruining his life. No school
was going to want him with the rate he was going at. I was also worried about
him, it was a messy situation.
In a small town called Kroonstad
Me: "Ausi Manini ke tla etsa'ng(what am I going to do), DNA test o tla khutla( is
going to come back) and my gut tells me ngwana o ke wa Clive." This whole mess I
had find myself in was beginning to feel like it was too much. But I told myself for
the jackpot Clive was I'll endure anything. But with Mimi being his baby mama,
the bitch will forever have a hold on him.
Manini: "Palesa mo fe ngwana le wena(give him a child as well). It will solve all
your problems. Tycoons like Nqobani are hard to come by. Mme mo
jwetse(Mother tell her)"
Mme: "Eya ngwanaka after the baby, you'll get your ring. Clive ke motho ea
hlomphehang (He's a decent man) he'll do right by you." They had a point hay,
Clive was a good man who always did what was right. Mimi was all happy and
taken care of even though there could be a possibility that the baby wasn't his. I
wasn't going to lose my man over this, that's for sure. It was 3 days before the
test come back and it was in my prayers that the baby wasn't his so he'll want one
from me and we'll be one big happy family. I decided to call him
Clive: "MaMoloi."
Me: "Baby awusawkhumbuli?" My Zulu was bad. He laughed, he always laughs
when I try speaking Zulu
Clive: "I miss you. How's the family doing?"
Me: "Same old. I was just checking up on you."
Clive: "Thank you baby, I am fine."
Me: "I took leave from work for next week so I can be there for the DNA results."
Clive: "Are you sure?"
Me: "Yes baby, we in this together."
Clive: "Ngyabonga MaMoloi. I guess I'll see you when you get here. Do you want
me to book you a flight from Bloemfontein or you have other means to get here?"
Me: "A flight will be great impa I am with my sister, she also came for the
weekend."
Clive: "Okay I'll book two tickets."
Me: "Thank you sthandwa sam. Ngyakthanda baby."
Clive: "I love you too. We'll talk later." He hung up. Don't tell me you'd leave such
nice problems over baby mama drama, oh hell no.

»24«
CONTINUED
NATHAN
No one acts more foolishly than a wise man in love - Unknown
I was that man, suddenly I wasn't a strategist anymore who was probably the
most dangerous man in South Africa right now. I was a love sick puppy at the
mercy of Azande Jele and I loved every minute of it.
Ndu: "This is so fucked up. You are all in love and happy and my marriage is on the
rocks." Apparently they weren't seeing eye to eye with the Gumede princess
Musa and honestly I didn't care, I was too happy.
Me: "You always fix things Ndumiso, so fix this."
Ndu: "I don't know how to Nathan, Omuhle is not interested in hearing what I
have to say." He was a mess, this is why I didn't want to hear his drama because I
couldn't enjoy my new found love. I keep telling myself I am dreaming because
where was she all these years when I was miserable dying a slow death?
Me: "I am new at this love thing mfethu, so I can't really give you insight." And our
conversation was saved by Chance entering the office. It was his office initially but
it was ours now
Chance: "And then now?" He was looking at me "Why are you searching for
funeral parlors?"
Ndu: "Haibo Nathan, should we be worried?"
Me: "We are about to go to war guys, the Nigerians won't let go of their territory
without a fight, so I getting prepared for all the bodies that will drop."
Them: "Nathan!" I laughed, their faces were shocked
Me: "I'm joking. Chancellor I am a smuggler, I have to find new ways to smuggle.
The police are getting smarter with those annoying road blocks and we are at the
boarder patrol mercy when crossing boarders."
Chance: "I still don't get how a funeral parlor will solve our problems."
Me: "Moving the merchandise through coffins."
Ndu: "Wow! You are something."
Chance: "Genuis!" I know.
Me: "We have 3 to choose from. Here are their financial statements. I emailed the
spys so they can tell me what they think."
Ndu: "I know nothing about financial statements." He was a computer guy and he
didn't want anything else. I got my training from all five men. Qophelo taught me
to find a weakness in everything and manipulate it to my advantage. Que taught
me how to break the law without getting caught and Siya taught me anything
finance and that man is a genius. My hacking skills weren't great that's why Ndu
was so much help.
Me: "I know that's why I didn't email them to you. I have to go guys I'll see you
when the Durban team lands."
Them: "Sharp." As I was leaving I found Sam and some of the guys at the parking
lot smoking
Me: "Sam."
Sam: "Sho bozza." We shook hands. She was a Butch girl, I recruited her straight
after high school. One thing about working for me was you needed an education
higher than matric because I felt if you could finish school it meant you were
smart. Now if you were book smart or street smart was to be determined later.
Sam was street smart, just like me.
Me: "I have a job for you."
Sam: "Hit me big guy." She was still smoking
Me: "I need someone I can trust to look after my woman and kids especially with
us about to take Nigerian territory."
Sam: "Uyahlanya(you are crazy) Nathan. I am not a nanny and you didn't train me
to be one." She was pissed
Me: "Sam I know that but you my only hope."
Sam: "Nathan no, and I am not changing my mind. Look I can help you find one."
Me: "But she wont have your training Sam."
Sam: "Lets find one fast so she'll have my training." She left me hanging. She
wasn't barging. I drove straight to the the kids' school. I knew I was coming on a
bit too strong and Azande might have been unsure about certain things and she
was entitled to her feelings but I wasn't going to back off. She was stuck with me.
Sonke: "Nangu ubhuti(here comes brother)." She jumped and ran to the car.
Sonke had to be the cutest 8 year old I have ever met. We got along just fine.
Lethu on the other hand was a reserved boy.
Me: "Hey guys." I took their school bags and put them in the boot
Sonke: "Hello. Wait let me take out my test so I can show you."
Lethu: "I also have a picture to show you bhuti." They were so happy
Me: "Okay." They both took out their files and paged through, I kinda felt this was
a moment for later because we were in the streets but hay
Lethu: "Here's mine." It was a 'My Family' that he drew picture "This is you."
Wow!
Me: "Thank you, little man." He gave me a proud smile. Even the kids were feeling
me, that moment made a grown man emotional. Kids were so innocent and
accepting.
Sonke: "Here's my test bhuti, I got 10/10." She did, it was a spelling test
Me: "Good job Sonke."
Sonke: "Thank you. You promised me a chocolate if I passed bhuti." So this is what
was this all about.
Me: "I did, didn't I? Where's Sphe?"
Sonke: "Sports."
Me: "Let's go find her than we'll go buy your chocolate." I looked at Lethu "What
do you want?" He was only in grade R so we couldn't wager anything.
Lethu: "I want cookies and milk."
Me: "Okay." We walked to the High School side of the school and indeed she had
netball. I called my woman
Azande: "Hey baby. I miss you."
Me: "I miss you too. Ditch work and come spend time with your man."
Azande: "I might just let you corrupt me and do it." We laughed
Me: "Its just for today. Ngyacela baby."
Azande: "Hayi Nathan, I am a Chief nurse and I have to lead by example." How can
I not fall for her when she so disciplined with a moral code.
Me: "Okay. I guess I'll see you after work. I am taking the kids out."
Azande: "Baby you didn't have to fetch them, they always walk back."
Me: "I know that Azande but they don't need to when I am around. Every time I
try to help, I kinda feel you push me away instead."
Azande: "Nathan that's not true."
Me: "How many times have you told me, you dont need my help? Please tell me
to back off Azande and I will." It was so immasculating dealing with a strong and
efficient woman. They never picked up on the gesture, they just saw it as a way of
you controlling them.
Azande: "I don't want you to back off."
Me: "Than tell me what you want, I'll do it."
Azande: "Can we talk about this when I get home."
Me: "I won't be around. I'll drop the kids off and leave. I am giving you the space
to figure things out." I hung up. I didn't feel fine, I was really trying at loving her
the best way I knew how and that was making things easy for her. I was taught a
happy wife/woman, a happy life. Eventually Sphe finished with her practice and
we left. I bought them whatever they wanted, including dinner and I dropped
them off
Sphe: "Aren't you going to eat first?"
Me: "I'll eat at the hotel. Take care guys and Sphe text me when sisi gets home."
Sphe: "Okay." I drove to the hotel and I changed and went to Hlanga's gym,
maybe I was overreacting, I don't know anymore.
Hlanga: "Easy there tiger. What brings you here?"
Me: "Its a gym, so exercise. What else?" I may have snapped
Hlanga: "Geez what's your problem." He picked up on it
Me: "I am just, I dont know. My woman is something else."
Hlanga: "I get it now. Hit me."
Me: "I don't know, I kinda feel she's not all in, she gives me enough just to keep
me around but its not good enough for me. I want and need a partner."
Hlanga: "Rome wasn't built in one day Nathan. These things take time and
patience is key to that. With the way she has you all worked up and punching the
bag so hard means she matters." He wasn't wrong "She might unsure about her
feelings but it doesn't mean she doesn't want you either and if she hasn't said it,
stick around."
Me: "Great talk." And we carried on boxing and hitting the punching bag. I later
drove back to the hotel and I came back to 5 missed calls from Azande, I called
her back
Azande: "Where are you, I thought I'll catch you at home."
Me: "I dropped them off and left like I said. What do you want Azande?"
Azande: "Nathan can we please talk."
Me: "We are talking."
Azande: "Baby I need to see you."
Me: "Okay. Do you want me to come over?"
Azande: "I can come over but I won't stay."
Me: "Okay call me when you get here." I went to take a quick shower. After some
I went down for dinner. She called and I went to meet her by the foyer and she
joined me
Azande: "I was hoping we'll talk in your room."
Me: "Here is fine, the only language we'll talk in my room is body language." She
laughed, she was so beautiful, I was even addicted to her laugh "So you asked to
see me."
Azande: "Nathan I didn't get your outburst earlier."
Me: "I kinda feel like you don't see me Azande. My efforts that is, I know you
didn't ask and you can manage without me but baby I am only trying to be useful.
Your life before me and with me shouldn't be the same. You have a man now and
I was raised by men who told me, the best way to take care of a woman is keeping
her happy all the time and it starts with the little things like fetching the kids for
you or driving you to work and buying whatever Sonke wants." She kept on
nodding "If you don't like it then tell me and I won't do it again."
Azande: "I like everything you doing Nathan, the taking care of us, spoiling us and
helping me out with the kids. I don't know I just feel this is too good to be true,
once you've gotten what you wanted you'll leave us like everyone else." She was
only protecting her heart, its understandable. I took her hands and held them
tight
Me: "Baby I am not everyone else. I am Baba wezingane zam." I chuckled and she
giggled "I am in love with you Azande Natasha Jele because I find myself counting
each and every word I'll say to you because I don't want my words to cause you
pain. I get scared at the thought of never hearing you laugh or giggle again. I am in
love with your calm nature and that confidence you possess. If I could follow you
everywhere you go I would. I am done pulling back and apologizing for wanting
you in my life. So stop being scared and just give in baby. Hurting you would be
hurting myself." She came over and kissed me
Azande: "I am done being scared, its exhausting." I laughed
Me: "I can only imagine." I stared at her "Ngyakthanda yezwa(I love you)."
Azande: "Ek is lief vir jou(I love you)." I laughed, she was learning
Me: "Jy maak my mal(You drive me crazy) U sal die dood van my wees(You'll be
the death of me)."
Azande: "Ahha baby you haven't taught me that." We laughed
Me: "Well I have taught enough Afrikaans, you saying you love me is enough."
Azande: "But I want to know what you said."
Me: "You drive me crazy. You'll be the death of me." She laughed. We had dinner
"I found you guys a place. It has 3 bedrooms and it comes with a nanny."
Azande: "What?"
Me: "That flat was enough for the 3 of you but I am in the picture now, so we
need a bigger place." She panicked "I am not moving in with you guys but I'd like
to spend some nights with you guys under one roof."
Azande: "So the place is for us?"
Me: "Yes. I'll just visit just like you'll spend every minute of your free time in
Durban."
Azande: "Baby my lease is for 5 years, I can't just breach it."
Me: "I'll take care of it don't worry. So are you open to that?"
Azande: "I guess, I mean if it comes with a nanny. How's that even possible?"
Me: "I hired one. I'd like us to be a couple sometimes. You know holiday all those
things I see on tv." I wanted the memories with her
Azande: "I'd really like that." She stood up "I have go back home now."
Me: "This is not fair." I really wanted her to stay "I love it when you fall asleep in
my arms. You my baby" she laughed
Azande: "I am your baby. Let's go the kids will share that bed"
Me: "No go fetch them while I book another room."
Azande: "Okay and maybe we'll have that body language conversation you
mentioned earlier." I didn't see that one coming
Me: "I can already think of something to say." I kissed her and she responded, I
guess we both didn't care that we were in public
Azande: "Let me go fetch the kids." She said catching her breathe "This
conversation is not over Nathan!" I laughed and she left.
NQOBANI
I was a nervous wreck, and a bit tipsy. I needed liquor courage with the results I
was expecting.
Mimi: "Before we opened them Nqobani, I'd really like to apologize for this whole
mess. I should have been careful, I am sorry and whatever the results I want you
to know that I appreciate everything you've done for me, for us." She wiped her
tears. I didn't hate Mimi but the situation she got me in had me fucked up in the
head.
Me: "I stand by my word Mimi. If he's not mine as hard as that will be to accept
but I'll like to be in his life."
Palesa: "What? Baby no!"
Me: "Palesa we spoke about this way before you came into the picture. I care
about Mimi and her son whether he's mine or not."
Palesa: "Mxm fine!" She didn't get it and I didn't expect her to.
Me: "Are you ready Mimi." She nodded and I took the envelope and opened it. I
think my hand was shaking. I needed the Gods to favor me "What!!!" I couldn't
believe, after everything I have been through
Hlanga: "Athini(What are they saying)?"
Mimi: "Clive bua hle(talk)!!"
Me: "Damn it!!! Bring me my son Mimi." It was all for right reasons. I deserved
this.
Hlanga: "What, he's yours?" He took the paper from me "99.9% Bhungane!!!"
Yessss!!! I needed this. Mimi came back with him since he was sleeping. She
couldn't even give him a name because we were waiting for the results
Mimi: "What are we going to name him." She was crying. I hugged both of them,
this moment was everything. I looked at him, he was mine
Me: "I'm your father." I said smiling, he just stretched himself "Njabulo ka baba
wena." He was my happiness.
Mimi: "I love it." She was smiling through the tears, I am sure she was relieved.
Me: "Mimi he's taking my surname."
Mimi: "Of course, you acted like his father from day 1."
Me: "How do you feel, ngoba mina ngijabulile ngo Njabulo(because I am happy
about Njabulo)?"
Mimi: "Mostly relieved and" she looked at Palesa "Argh it really doesn't matter. I
am also happy about Njabulo." Mimi had feelings for me and I honestly didn't feel
the same way. Hlanga took him from me
Hlanga: "Njabulo, your father is the strongest man I know but at the thought of
you not being his son he went crazy." He laughed, Hlanga was an idiot
Me: "Fuck you Hlanga."
Hlanga: "No more swearing, we are fathers now." We laughed
Me: "Who knew." I took him back from him
Palesa: "Now that the results are out we need to find a way forward."
Mimi: "Yes Clive and I need to find a way forward."
Me: "I don't need your drama today, please." I looked at them "Mimi and I have a
son, Palesa and they're not going anywhere. Mimi Palesa is in my life." They both
nodded.
Hlanga: "And Hlanga is leaving." We stood up with Njabulo in my arms "We have a
meeting later regarding the Nigerian matter."
Me: "Shit! We discussing security as well, right?" I had a family to protect. Njabulo
was just adding to me being nervous.
Hlanga: "Of course. Later baby daddy." It felt good hearing that.
Me: "Sharp." I looked at Mimi "Mimi if that's okay with you I'd like to spend the
night with him." I didn't want to leave his sight. He was such a quiet boy.
Mimi: "I am breastfeeding Clive, where Njabulo goes, I go."
Me: "Baby do you mind if they sleepover?"
Palesa: "Of course not, I won't stand in the way of father and son bonding." She
was the best. Her insecurities might have gotten in the way sometimes but she
was understanding.
Me: "Since he's sleeping I'll leave, I'll fetch you guys later."
Mimi: "Okay." She took him from me and went to put him down. She came back
Me: "You not in this alone Mimi."
Mimi: "I know and thank you" we hugged and I gave Palesa my hand and we left.
Me: "Baby I know I promised to not let this situation come between us or change
us. Njabulo is my son and there's nothing I wouldn't do for him."
Palesa: "I know."
Me: "So if you feel like things are changing please tell me so I can check myself. I
love you Palesa."
Palesa: "I love you too baby." I kissed her hand "You would you like for us to have
a child of our own?"
Me: "Palesa, Njabulo is only 2 weeks old already you talking sibling."
Palesa: "I just want to hear if you've thought of us having a family of our own."
The truth was I haven't. This whole Mimi thing made me stop making plans. Was
Palesa a good fit to mother the rest of my kids? I wasn't sure. Throughout this
whole thing not even once has she asked to hold my son or congratulate me
about being a new dad, was I dealing with a selfish person? How was I to trust her
with my son when I am not around.
Me: "I didn't even know that I wanted a child until Mimi came along, so baby I
don't have an honest answer. I'd like to raise Njabulo for now and adjust to the
father thing." I needed to rethink my choices now. From my nightmares to my
drinking habits. Njabulo deserved the best and I was going to give him that.

»25«
THINGO
I haven’t fully recovered from what Hlanga put us through, I am suddenly scared
of everything but we were slowly making it work. He knew I wasn’t ready for this
type of commitment and took advantage of my desperation only to hurt me. He
bought back a lot of issues that I thought I had dealt with over the years. The
funny thing though is he was still my best friend and I still trusted him with my
life, I just didn’t trust him as my husband. I felt like he was confirming that I
wasn’t worth suffering his urges for, that sex mattered to him more than the little
that we had. Sometimes I still feel like that when he comes home drunk in the
middle of the night. I tried addressing his alcohol in-take and he said he had it
under control but I didn’t believe it. He still travelled alot but he was home more
often than before. We finally bought a house and moved to Northcliff. It was a
beautiful 5 bedroom double storey house with a pool and garden. Mamazi did
wonders to it with her décor. We are renting out the apartment, he said I must
open a savings account and put the rent money there. He talks more now but not
at a rate you'd expect but there's progress. Like I said before after finding out
what Hlanga had been up to, it opened up a lot of feelings. I didn’t have anyone
but him who was family because I've suddenly became Aunt Nomusa and Snothi's
bank not their family and uncle Sthelo has a life of his own after leaving my aunt,
apparently things ended way before Aya found out he wasn't his father. Anyway
back to me, I am so angry at my parents for the mess they left me in, and even
more at my mother for the questions she left me with. That’s why I drove back to
Durban every chance I got to shout at her grave. I did help to some extent, but a
big part of me has always been lost, I had this need of finding my father but I was
also scared of what I might find, its a tricky situation. While I was just staring at
my books my phone rang, it was my mother-in-law
Me: "Hello ma, how are you doing?"
Ma: "Siphosethu, you and Hlanga need to come home today."
Me: "Is everything okay, ma?"
Ma: "Just get here please." She hung up. I ran upstairs to wake him since he had
been out drinking.
Hlanga: "Yin?"
Me: "Ma called, she said we need to be home today." He got out of bed
Hlanga: "Did she say, why?"
Me: "No but she didn't sound fine Hlanga."
Hlanga: "Okay let me go shower. Book us a flight, it make things fast."
Me: "Okay." He went to the bathroom and I took his tablet and booked those
flights and packed a suitcase for the both of us. I also took my school bag because
I didn't know how long we'd be gone. I changed my outfit to a long maxi dress and
a doek with sneakers. My in-laws made it clear that pants were a no-no for a
Mthethwa wife but Hlanga was okay with it so I only wore them in Johannesburg.
Hlanga: "Call us a cab phela mamasekhaya!" He was a bit tense
Me: "Okay, I am sure its not something bad." He needed to take things easy.
Hlanga: "My parents never summon me home unless its necessary." He took his
phone "Bafo, she called uSiphosethu." He was talking to his brother. I took our
suitcase downstairs. "Mpilonhle's flight is later today." I guess we were all
summoned home.
Me: "Okay." Our cab came and we left. The flight was short and sweet and when
we got to the airport a guy was waiting for him. They exchanged greetings and he
handed him car keys "Who was he?" Clive was too connected, its worrying.
Hlanga: "Sizwe, I work with him." We went to some polo vivo and we drove out
the airport.
Me: "Let me call uma and ask if they don't need anything." I called
Ma: "Siphosethu we are at Life hospital eWestville.” that I didn't see coming
Me: "Ma!! What are you doing there?"
Ma: "Just come, I can't talk about this on the phone."
Me: "Okay." I looked at the man next to me, he had been quiet the whole flight.
"We have to go to Life hospital in Westville, they're there." His face changed.
Hlanga: "Okay." And we drove in silence. There were a lot of things going on in
Hlanga's head. We got there and I called again and she told me which wing and
room number they were in.
Ma: "My children." She cried while she hugged me
Baba: "Banele is in ICU."
Hlanga: "What? What happened?"
Ma: "Banele was pregnant."
Hlanga&I: "What?" Unbelievable!
Me: "Ma you said was, what happened to her and the baby?"
Ma: "Ey nkos yam, mina angaz(i don't know)." She looked defeated and so did her
husband "She had one of those backdoor abortions and apparently they didn't do
it right. They damaged her womb and ..." she just sobbed in my arms.
Hlanga: "Is she going to be fine?" His face was just blank. Hlanga and Banele's
relationship was special. The girl was spoilt by her brother more than her parents.
So imagine how my husband was doing?
Baba: "Yes physically but emotionally, I don't know." This couldn't have been easy
for her or anyone for that matter.
Hlanga: "Is she talking and who's the father?" He wasn't asking as a concerned
brother but as a man who was looking for blood. His fists were clenched and his
face was scary with veins popping. Hlanga's temper was a problem. That boy was
going to die, my law skills had to come in handy here, joking!
Ma: "Hlangalezwe please let this go and be here for your sister."
Me: "Ma is right Nyambose. Banele needs you more."
Hlanga: "MA NO!!" We were all a bit terrified, he looked at me "I AM NOT
LETTING THIS GO!" he really wasn't letting this go and the whole hospital heard
him.
Baba: "Hlangalezwe, calm down!"'he was stern and my husband was just
breathing heavily now. "We don't know anything. All we know is what we told
you."
Hlanga: "Can I see her?"
Baba: "Only for a few minutes." He went in.
Ma: "Siphosethu, why would Banele do this?" I was asking myself the same thing.
Me: "Maybe she was scared ma"
Ma: "Scared of what? Have I not been supportive to all of you or maybe I wasn't
supportive and involved enough." Are you kidding me, she was more than
supportive and involved, she was a great mother.
Me: "Ma this is not your fault, I am sure there's an explanation is to why Banele
took things this far."
Baba: "Tell her Siphosethu. The only person who's responsible for this is the one
lying on the bed." He was pissed "Banele is not child anymore, she knew what
she was doing."
Ma: "Kodwa baba, I should have seen the signs." She was blaming herself and it
really wasn't her fault. Baba was right Banele knew what she was doing. After
some time Hlanga came back all beast and mute. We sat at the waiting area with
me comforting my mother-in-law and the men were having a conversation with
their eyes and it didn't look good. We sat and later left, leaving ma who didn't
want to leave her daughter's side. What was Banele thinking, was she even
thinking at all? Abortions were free at public hospitals and why the hell did she
even think of having an abortion?
Hlanga: "I'll drop you off and go fetch Lonhle at the airport."
Me: "Okay. Baby you need to come down."
Hlanga: "I am calm Siphosethu." He wasn't, he was just giving me what I wanted
so I can shut up. He did that a lot actually.
Me: "Okay." We got home and he helped with the bags. Things looked the way we
left them
Hlanga: "Thingo lwam."
Me: "Nyambose." He hugged me
Hlanga: "Banele is not the only one who has me worked up." I looked at him
Me: "What do you mean?"
Hlanga: “Thingo lwam I messed up I know that but it’s been long overdue. Baby I
miss what we were becoming.” I missed it too. We never did anything sexual after
I found out that sex controlled his life. He didn’t need me helping him release, he
was fine with strangers doing that to him. I did say he woke up my trust issues
and probably my daddy issues.
Me: “Hlanga I love you, you are my life-line but trust is earned like you earned it
before I knew the type of person you are. I need time to accept that sex controls
you and you wont be getting it just from me.” he looked hurt but it was the truth
“You did this to us Hlangalezwe.”
Hlanga: “Sex doesn’t control me Thingo. I am a better man than that. Everyday I
try and prove myself that I am a better man than I was before you came along but
you cant let go of the fuck up I made. I am sorry Thingo, and I will keep
apologising until you look at me they way you did before.”
Me: "No Hlanga you haven't completely changed, you still come back home in the
wee hours of the morning drunk. How am I supposed to trust that you are not
sleeping around?"
Hlanga: "..." exactly. He might have been communicating but he still kept the
same patterns. "I'll change baby, I promise. But you need to forgive me
wholeheartedly." He was right, I forgave him with my mouth but my actions
proved otherwise.
Me: “Hlanga I am fucked up probably worse than you.” I needed him to
understand that he wasn't the only with problems but I didn't hurt those close to
me in the process
Hlanga: “Baby I don’t care, you are my fuck up.” I smiled “I know you feel like half
your life is a mystry and you have every right to feel like that. Thingo lwam please
don’t make me pay for your father’s sins.” That hit home. That’s exactly what I
was doing, I had made Hlanga and my father the same man but the only
difference is he was here, trying to make things right but I still needed to find my
father. I need to put that man in the rear view. I wanted to properly build my
marriage.
Me: “I am sorry.” I meant it, it wasn't fair what I was doing "I am dealing with my
issues." He nodded
Hlanga: “Ngyakthanda.” He said with a smile
Me: "Nam ngyakthanda." We looked at each other. Our marriage wasn't normal
and we both knew that. One thing I loved about us was we didn't force things, we
took it at our pace.
=====
Things got worse at the arrival of Lonhle, both brothers wanted to find the boy
who "took advantage" of their sister. When it comes to Hlanga and Mpilonhle it
was best to shut up because they were the same person the only difference was
age. Banele didn't want to reveal the name of the boy who was responsible for
her pregnancy
Me: "How are you feeling?" I was talking to Banele. She suffered damage to her
cervix and that has jeopardized her chances of future pregnancies but she was
doing better.
Banele: "Better I guess." She didn't look fine and this whole situation was just
traumatizing for all of us, but mostly her. "You are judging me."
Me: "Of course not. I am just worried, everyone is Nele. Why didn't you talk to
someone even a professional if you were scared of ma or me?"
Banele: "The father didn't want the baby and he said if I wanted our relationship
to work I needed to make a choice." My word, what's wrong with men today.
Me: "And you thought this was a better choice?"
Banele: "..." she obviously wasn't thinking "I am sorry Siphosethu." She didn't
need to apologize for anything. Tears started coming out of her eyes
Me: "Its okay sisi, everything will work itself out."
Banele: "Should I tell obhuti his name, I am scared they'll hurt him." She was right
to be scared
Me: "Its your choice Banele." As we were talking. The whole family came in with
food and clothes.
Ma: "You are being discharged ntomb yam." She seemed better now that Banele
was up and talking
Lonhle: "So are you ready to talk?" He had a straight face, the one that says you
dont have a choice.
Baba: "We want to hear everything, that boy has to cleanse you and my house for
the disrespect he's shown."
Ma: "Themba now is not the time. Banele is not strong enough." She babied her
daughter, actually all her kids.
Hlanga: "She's being discharged which means she's strong enough. Talk Banele!"
Banele: "His name is Buyani Mavuso."
Hlanga: "His number." He handed her his phone and she punched in the numbers
and she was a bit scared. "I'll see you at home." He kissed my cheek
Lonhle: "Asambe Hlangalezwe." They were going to find him and they were
determined. The doctor came and spoke to her about seeking counselling
because what she went through was traumatic and we later went back home. I
missed a week of school but Hlelo and Bheka had been very helpful. I valued that
friendship, we were all very supportive of each other.
Ma: "Siphosethu your husband is going to get himself arrested yaz."
Me: "I am also scared and Mpilonhle is not helping the situation."
Ma: "He looks up to his brother too much even when he's wrong." We sat and just
thought about what they were doing to that poor boy.
Me: "So what's going to happen now with Banele?"
Ma: "She's not ready for anything, she's even scared of leaving the house so she
says she's dropping out of school. I am worried about her." Banele was in her first
year at Varsity College in Durban.
Me: "Convince her to seek counselling ma, they'll help her a lot."
Ma: "Please try and talk to her because I think she feels I am angry at her. Maybe I
am, I don't know because I am failing to see how she felt choosing to have an
abortion just to keep a boy happy was okay?" She looked at me for answers and I
didn't have any because I was as confused as she was.
Me: "Ma what's done is done and we can't change it. All we need to do is support
Banele and help her through this."
Ma: "You have a point." I gave her tea, it always calms her down "Siphosethu you
being here has been great help, this family is lucky to have you. My son chose
well, I couldn't be prouder." I was touched
Me: "Ma you've been great to me as well. From the first time I set foot her,
you've been welcoming." We smiled at each other. We were having a moment
with my mother-in-law
Ma: "You are almost finished with school, ngenzeni ugogo phela(make me a
grandmother) Siphosethu." I laughed and she joined me
Me: "Okay." If only she knew we were still suffering the effects of Hlanga's
actions. This whole thing has taught me that not everything is black and white
especially when love is involved.
Ma: "Banele has robbed me of the opportunity so I am trusting Hlanga and Lonhle
now." She said it with such sadness, I didn't know what to say. Being a mother
was hard guys, she was the strongest woman I had come to know but when it
comes to her children, she's shows vulnerability. We later went to sleep without
Baba who was at the farm and the boys who were not back.
=====
Hlanga came back early morning after leaving me at the hospital. The boy was
admitted at the hospital with a rearranged face, 3 broken ribs and a broken arm
according to his accomplice Mpilonhle but no charges were laid so I guess they
got off easy. After that incident I realized that Hlanga was a ticking time bomb and
I myself wasn’t safe but I loved my beast.
Me: "Baby you haven't said anything about this whole thing. You've taught the
boy a lesson now I need to know how you feel. Ma and baba aren't taking this
well and I dont expect you to be either. I just want to know how you doing."
Hlanga: "Siphosethu my baby sister almost died. At a time she needed someone
she didn't come to me, this is all my fault." Wow!!
Me: "Baby its not your fault, Buyisani took advantage of her."
Hlanga: "I dont even want to hear that name in my presence. Siphosethu its my
fault because I am never home enough for Banele. Now she's going around
seeking validation from boys who don't even know how worthy and amazing she
is." He really loved his sister.
Me: "Baby beating yourself up wont change things. Be here now and support her
dont avoid her."
Hlanga: "Okay." He stood from the bed "This is bad karma nje." I was confused.
"We need to leave, you have class tomorrow and I have business to handle."
Me: "Okay." Life had to go on, it wasn't waiting for us just because we are faced
with challenges. Hlanga wasn't talking to her sister, we left with him without
saying goodbye. Guilt was eating him alive and it worried me because I didn't
know how to help him. This was one of the biggest problems I had ever faced.

»25«
CONTINUED
AZANDE
Ziyanda: "Hayi hayi mnganam ngivuke nge Facebook post ethi "Baba wezingane
zam" kuyi mess yendoda (my friend, I woke up to your Facebook post with a
caption Baba wezingane zam to a mess of a man)." I laughed. Ziyanda was a friend
you kept especially for bad days because of her drama and amongst my friends
mess of a person meant beautiful or hot, we liked using opposites.
Me: "The post says it all friend wam." I said it with pride. We laughed
Ziyanda: "Mnganam he's so so hot."
Me: "I know he's insanely hot and his blue eyes mmm!" We laughed while we
high fived with my friend.
Ziyanda: "How did you even meet him Zande?"
Me: "I met him on the flight from Durban actually. I accidentally split champagne
on his Armani suit and tried wiping it and next thing he has a boner, yoooh friend
it was a mess." She laughed at me and I joined her. It was the best part about my
story with Nathan
Ziyanda: "Wow!" We were still laughing
Me: "Yeah and he asked for my name. A month later he showed up at my door,
and said he was there to discuss his dry cleaning bill."
Ziyanda: "Aaah. What's his real name."
Me: "Nathan Pierce, mnganam he so amazing. He takes care of me and the kids.
Sonke has gone crazy about him."
Ziyanda: "Even the kids like him hayike, I have to meet Father of my kids."
Me: "Yay! Only I get to say that." We laughed "I'd say he's a full package but I am
just waiting for the other shoe to drop. You know how my relationships end, they
always cheat and I am left to pick up the pieces."
Ziyanda: "Eish mnganam. Just enjoy the relationship and see where it takes you."
Me: "I will."
Ziyanda: "I have to leave you now."
Me: "I can't believe you came to see me at work for gossip Ziyanda." She was
something else
Ziyanda: "Somethings can't be discussed over the phone Azande." We laughed "I'll
see you at the baby shower." I tensed up, shit! Nathan and I haven't been playing
it safe.
Me: "Okay." She left. We never went to the doctor that weekend and I am not on
an contraception. I stood up and went to find a nurse "Boni please check on
things for I need to be somewhere, I won't take long."
Boni: "Okay Chief." I left to find the nearest Clicks and went to find the home
pregnancy test aisle and I stood there. I was a nurse for fucks sake, how can I be
so reckless? Things with have been so great and our honeymoon phase is
amazing, I wasn't ready to hear those type of news so I left and went shopping
instead. I went to 3 stores just window shopping and looking for a baby shower
gift for Bongi but I couldn't, it meant I had to deal with the possibility of me being
pregnant. Our relationship was still new, we were still getting to know each other
and a baby was going to complicate things.
Voice: "Natasha! Is that you?" I turned and my mood went from 100 to 0
Me: "I am sorry, do I know you?" I knew exactly who he was
Mandla: "I am Mandla, we went on a date that Loyiso set up."
Me: "Mandla the jerk, oh yes now I remember. Bye now." I walked away and he
grabbed my arm
Mandla: "Natasha wait! You are right, I was a jerk that day. I am sorry."
Me: "It fine, bye now." He apologized but that didn't make us friends
Mandla: "I'd like to take you out on a proper date. It was wrong of me to judge
you like that without me even giving you a chance." He was crazy, right?
Me: "I am not interested Mandla."
Mandla: "Just one date, I promise you it will be worth it."
Me: "Again I am not interested."
Mandla: "Why wouldn't you, I am a catch." Wow! I walked away "I am joking."
Me: "Mxm!"
Mandla: "I still have your number, I'll call you." I was long gone. I had to go back
to work anyway. Work was work, nothing interesting happened
Boni: "Chief Detective Sibeko, is here to see you." Until this, what did Mxolisi
want? I stood up went to the foyer
Me: "Mxolisi."
Mxo: "Hey Azande." I looked at him
Me: "I am at work, how can I help you?"
Mxo: "I was in the neighborhood and I thought I should check up on you."
Me: "I am fine, bye now."
Mxo: "Azande, I miss you. I miss us." I looked him searching for something, but
there was nothing.
Me: "Bye Mxolisi." I went back to work. Why do guys come back when you are
happy and flourishing. I went on my patient rounds and I came back to a text from
my man
Nathan: "Thinking of you." He was that guy who randomly sent you texts. I sat
and smiled to myself. I called him instead "Baby."
Me: "I am thinking of you too."
Nathan: "Your patients are dying while you busy thinking of me." I laughed, this
was one of the reason I fell in love with him so easily. He kept me interested with
his jokes.
Me: "You are crazy. What you doing?"
Nathan: "Overseeing things."
Me: "Baby I know you are a business man but what kind of business are you
involved in?" He coughed
Nathan: "I am in the logistics business and I just recently bought 3 funeral parlors.
So you could say I am versatile."
Me: "Okay."
Nathan: "So am I seeing you this weekend?"
Me: "Of course. I miss you but I have to come back early on Sunday, my friend has
a baby shower."
Nathan: "When is your baby shower?" What?
Me: "Nathan!!" He laughed
Nathan: "I am joking baby." I sighed out of relief "Oh am I?"
Me: "Mxm! Uyabhora yaz. I have to go, we'll talk later."
Nathan: "I love you baby."
Me: "I love you more."
Nathan: "This is not a competition Azande but if it was I'd win." This man was too
much
Me: "I fly over oceans for you Nathan, I win." We laughed
Nathan: "Bye Azande."
Me: "Bye baby." I really loved him and it scared me how in such a short space of
time everything I did revolved around him.
======
Friday came and it was Durban for us, it was our new obsession. The gate security
called and our ride was there, we took our bags and we went to the car, it was a
different guy
Me: "Hello, what happened to Thabo?"
Guy: "He's busy. I'm Sam boss lady." She looked like a girl
Me: "Nice to meet you Sam." He/she took our bags
Sonke: " Are you a boy?" He/she laughed, I guess I wasn't the only one confused.
Sam: "My mother says I am a girl but I beg to differ."
Sonke: "Okay. My name is Sonke." This child
Sam: "Nice to meet you Sonke, we going to be spending a lot of time together."
Sonke: "Really? Do you work with Bhuti?"
Sam: "Yes I do." We were just listening to their conversation. Sonke wasn't scared
of people and I don't know if I should be happy and scared. We got to the airport
we boarded the jet and we flew away. I was really enjoying this life guys. Sam flew
with us and when we got to the airport Thabo was waiting for us
Lethu: "Here's Thabo." I had come to a conclusion that Sam and Thabo worked for
Nathan. We greeted Thabo and we all drove to Nathan's house. We got there and
it was just how I remembered it, exquisite.
Nathan: "Good people." He had the biggest smile on his face. The kids ran to hug
him "My woman."
Me: "My man." We hugged and kissed. I felt loved in arms "How are you doing?"
Nathan: "Even better now that you are here." We went inside since were standing
on his drive way. Thabo and Sam had already helped themselves to beer while the
kids were watching tv. It was home for them actually
Me: "Baby do you want me to cook?" He nodded "Okay." And I went to the
kitchen and started with dinner.
Nathan: "Yesterday was my Ouma's birthday."
Me: "Happy birthday to her, I know you told me she's no more with us."
Nathan: "I usually go to her grave and I'd like it if you went with me if that's okay
with you."
Me: "I'd love to." His grandmother meant a great deal to him, so she had to mean
a great deal with me.
Nathan: "Thank you baby we'll go in the morning and later go to a get together."
Me: "Oh okay, with your friends?"
Nathan: "Baby I don't have friends, you meeting my family."
Me: "Hayi Nathan."
Nathan: "It was going to happen sooner or later baby. And they usually say the
sooner the better." He had a smirk on his face
Me: "Mxm! Hamba Nathan." He kissed my lips
Nathan: "Ngyathanda Azande." He was just looking at me "You are amazing do
know that?" I shook my head "You are and don't change, okay?"
Me: "Okay." We kissed again and he left. I carried on with my chicken stew and
rice with vegetables. When all was done I made everyone go wash their hands
and we ate in front of the tv. Thabo and Sam joined us and they're were actually
interesting. Sam had a girlfriend and Thabo was single. Sonke had to be part of
the conversation somehow with her endless questions. Thabo and Sam together
with Sphe washed the dishes and I left them to go sleep since Nathan and his
people had to talk business. I was locking my vagina that weekend, we still had
the elephant in the room.
====
We went to Ouma's grave and he introduced me as his woman. That moment
touched me, I had never been to my mothers grave since she was buried and that
was 16 years ago. I didn't think she even had a tombstone, I felt bad to be honest.
I helped him clean the tombstone and we placed fresh flowers and we left.
Me: "Baby you taught me something today."
Nathan: "And what is that?"
Me: "That just because the people who we were once close to are gone but we
shouldn't forget about them."
Nathan: "That's the whole idea. Ouma played a big part at raising me but just
because life is moving on it doesn't mean I should forget about especially on the
day she was born." Wow!
Me: "I think I want to do that for mama and my mother."
Nathan: "You should, it feels good. And they'll always be a part of you." He was
right, it was my New year's resolution since the year was almost over.
Me: "Baby what happened to your parents?"
Nathan: "My parents failed at raising me since alcohol control them." No wonder
he doesn't drink "That's why Ouma raised me. Like I told you Quinton moved us
here when I was 15 but Ouma died a few years later. I tired to find them my
mother had died and my father's whereabouts were unknown, he's probably
dead as well."
Me: "I am sorry to hear that."
Nathan: "Its life baby, things were meant to be this way." He park the car at a
shopping centre "come." He opened my door and we went to pick n pay liquor
"Pick your poison." He said pushing the trolly. He put in different wines while I did
as well
Me: "I thought you don't drink"
Nathan: "I don't its for the old timers and their wives, they love wine."
Me: "Should I be worried?"
Nathan: "You should, they are very scary and overprotective of me." He said with
a straight face
Me: "Yooh you know how to calm a girl's nerves down."
Nathan: "I am preparing you baby."
Me: "Okay but its not helping." We were done buy alcohol and we left to fetch
the kids who were already dressed and waiting for us
Sphe: "I thought you left without us."
Nathan: "And why would we do that?"
Sonke: "Maybe you want to go to the beach without us." We laughed with my
man, Sonke and the beach
Me: "We'd never go without you Sonke."
Lethu: "She was worried, she was even begging Sphe to call you guys." We
laughed.
Nathan: "I guess she was worried for nothing." We drove to a very nice looking
beach house and cars were parked outside and music was so loud. "Come guys."
He took the alcohol from the boot and we followed him to the house. The inside
was beautiful, Nathan clearly was adopted by people with money and taste. We
followed him to the patio were we were met by 5 grown black men, one looked
colored and 5 gorgeous women
Man1: "First born. Who are your guests?" They were all staring at us. They
weren't even smiling. Nathan wasn't wrong they were scary and the woman had
judging eyes with their wine glasses.
Nathan: "Family this is Azande Jele, my woman and her siblings Sphe, Sonke and
Lethu
Woman: "Nice to meet you babies." she looked at my man "First born take the
kids to the beach." I was just standing there like a statue
Nathan: "Okay." They left me alone with these scary people.
Woman2: "Umakoti ungowethu!!" She started singing
Men: "Siyavuma!!!" The men were back her up. They even stood up and dance
guys, what was happening?
Man3: "Where have you been girl?"
Man1: "MaPrison, you took forever man!" They all laughed
Woman4: "Welcome to the family Azande" she came to hug me "I am Ntandokazi
but mamazi is just fine, Nathan is our first born which makes you Mrs First born."
Wow! The rest of the woman followed. My cheeks were in pain from the endless
smiling
Me: "Thank you, its really nice to meet you all." They all had introduced
themselves together with their husbands.
Woman5: "Let's leave the men and have our girl talk inside."
Me: "Okay." I followed them.
Lisa: "You are beautiful Azande."
Sthembi: "Thank you for coming and not making me the only big girl in this
family." We laughed, she was the all yellow and chubby in a cute way but we were
the same size.
Mbali: "So tell us about yourself Azande."
Ntando: "We want to know everything girl." They laughed "Wine?"
Me: "Please." Lisa took out a class and they poured me a glass. I took a sip "Well I
am Azande Jele, 31 years of age and I am originally from Ladysmith. I am a nurse
in Johannesburg."
Ntando: "You must like people if you are a nurse."
Me: "I don't mind them at all. What do you ladies do."
Mbali: "Besides drinking wine?" They laughed they're a fun bunch "Well I am
Mbalenhle Khumalo, I am not telling you my age" we laughed "I am a psychologist
at a women's shelter and I part own Safe haven foundation that deals with social
issues."
Sthembi: "I am a financial coach and treasury of Safe haven foundation."
Ntando: "Ntandokazi Gumede I am forever 21 of age" we these woman normal?
We all laughed at that "I am a lot of things hay businesswoman sums up what I
do."
Me: "dealing with what?"
Ntando: "I have a restaurant and meal-preparing business that deals with green
living. I run a shelter together with these ladies and the foundation. I am in the
process of publishing a cookbook." Wow! They looked like housewife to me. They
were too happy and glowing to be working people.
Lisa: "Lisakhanya Malinga, I have a franchise of beauty salons and boutiques."
Wow!
Me: "Fashion and hair, I might just like you more than all of them because
anything beauty the world stops." we laughed, I was loving my time with them
and the wine was doing the most
Lisa: "I can, your facebeat is flawless."
Mpume: "Don't forget about me." We laughed "I also part own the foundation
and help run the shelter. Oh Mpume Gumede I am vintage, I don't age."
Me: "It's really nice to meet you ladies."
Nathan: "You see, I told you they were protective of me." I didn't even hear him
come in the way I was feeling at home.
Me: "You were extra baby they are not scary." He laughed
Nathan: "I may have taken things too far."
Ntando: "Aaah First born, I am so happy for you."
Nathan: "She's amazing, isn't she?"
Sthembi: "I see myself in her." She was extra
Nathan: "Hayi hayi Siyanda and I don't have the same taste." He made a face
Siya: "Nathan you do not want to compare wives, you are losing this one." We all
laughed
Nathan: "Next thing mina no Azande sizoninyisa and I am father less because you
are a sore loser."
Siya: "Mxm! You are not worth it." These people were too cool, old as they were.
Nathan took me the beach to meet his younger siblings. There was too many to
remember, apparently some were in varsity. That day made me understand why
he had some much love and was passionate about family. My siblings were
getting along just fine with Nathan siblings, especially Sphe who had find friends
in Thando and Elihle. The braai came and we ate and carried on drinking. Those
wives bought out the worst in me because we were drunk and singing now, no
actually we were performing for our men
Us: "Undenza ntoni yooh
Kutheni ndingalali ebusuku booh
Es'thandwa sami yeah
Baby I've been thinking about you" that scene was something else, I was having
the time of my life actually
Qophelo: "Angifun' omunye I want you baby
I could do anything for you
Sthandwa sam' yeah
My baby I been thinking about you
What is it that you done to me oh
Njalo ngak'cabanga
Hlala ngithetha ngawe
Did you pour me a love potion oh
My baby I can’t stop thinking about you" He was singing for his wife, it was the
sweetest thing ever. We just dancing and waiting for the chorus.
Us: "Kutheni ndingalali ebusuku booh
Es'thandwa sami yeah
Baby I've been thinking about you" it was my turn to shine
Me: "Baby there's no one but you
All that I need baby it's you-you-you
Oh yeah yeah yeah
I cannot imagine life without you
S'thandwa sam' I'm thinking about you" my man was smiling none stop, it made
me happy to see him happy like that.
Mbali&Mpume: "Ndihlala ndithetha, ndithetha ngawe
Ndihlala ndiphupha, ndiphupha ngawe
Oh yeah yeah yeah
Undidlise ntoni na
I just can't stop thinking about you
Lisa&Sthembi: "Baby all I want is you
Baby there's no one but you
Ngoba you give me the juice
You bring me the juice
Undenza ntoni na
I just can't stop thinking about you" after that tiresome performance we each sat
on the lap of our person
Nathan: "Come, I need to show you something." We stood up and he pulled me to
some room and next think he pins me against the wall and we had the greatest
quickie of all time.
Me: "Nathan I love you." We were dressing up.
Nathan: "I love you too Azande. I am going to marry you." What?
Me: "Nathan, I am drunk." I think he was smiling, everything was suddenly was
moving in slow motion.
Nathan: "I know which means you probably won't remember this conversation.
You look good let's go." We went back to the people and the conversation flowed.
From politics to whatever shit I didn't care about. I was just happy to be in my
man's arms. All in all that night went well it was happiness all around we even
exchanged numbers with the wives. I had never met such a drama free family.
Me: "I love your family. They are so welcoming and funny."
Nathan: "They're are amazing." He drove us home. The kids begged me to stay
since they had found friends, I guess you'd say it was a good weekend.

»26«
HLANGA
The past few months haven't been great for me, my sister’s incident scared me. I
don’t know what got into Banele’s head when she thought back door abortions
were an answer. What bothered me about this situation was the fact that my
sister had such a low self-esteem, especially when she didn't need to. She was a
good and amazing person, yes I am her big brother but she really did deserve the
best things in life. I wasn’t mad at her anymore, it was guilt mostly at the fact that
she was scared in confiding in me at the time she needed someone. I was always
out of the country and I hardly went home to check up on them. That was when I
vowed to be a better son and brother to my siblings and husband to Thingo. I
didn’t want them thinking I didn’t have their back.
Me: "Tell me what was your plan vele Sbu?" I slapped him. I had to confront
Sbusiso about not zipping his mouth about things we did as Mthethwa men, he
had no right to make me a topic of his house wereas he wasn’t innocent either. I
am not condoning our behaviour but there had to be trust somewhere
Sbu: "Hlanga come on, what was that for?"
Me: "Where do you get off telling my shit to your wife like you don't have
skeletons, huh?" I punched and slapped him again, I was pissed actually. "How
would you like it if I told Hloni about your secret family, huh?" Yeah my idiot
cousin has a secret family, baby mama and kid and he has the balls to out my dirt.
"Siphosethu knows my shit because of you, I am not going down alone Sbusiso!"
It was an empty threat, I wasn't that low but he was.
Sbu: "Hlanga come one, mfethu. You can't tell Hloni about Sindi." He was begging,
he was really scared of losing Hloni and Sindi was the other woman. I might have
been sleeping around but he was worse because he was committed to both of
them. I mean I am only there for the sex and I am gone. Sbu was lying to both his
woman.
Me: "Sbusiso I haven't touched my wife in months because of you man!" I
punched and kicked him. I think I was taking out all my frustrations on him now,
he fought back but he wasn't going to win it.
Sbu: "Fuck Hlangalezwe!!!" I stopped because he was bleeding
Me: "Uyinja Sbusiso man nxa! Where's your loyalty?" He was a man I couldn't
trust clearly.
Sbu: "Hade bra yam(sorry brother)!"
Me: "Mxm!" I left his office, yes he was at work.
Sbu: "Hlanga things were bad at home because of this double life so I had to come
up with a cover story." Was he kidding me?
Me: "Oh so you made me your fall guy?" I looked at "Fuck you man Sbusiso!!" I
left his office even more pissed than I first came, he was a hypocrite and at that
point I was even ashamed to even call him my family. I was actually in Durban
because of the gang and I was avoiding my wife because she was all supportive
and annoying about the guilt that was slowly killing me. I had a problem of
holding on to things, I just couldn't let go especially when I felt I had failed. Zweli’s
project has just gotten on the implementation stage. Which was testing the pill on
human subjects now. We have come far with it, it was really amazing at how good
things were looking up for me business wise because Keith and Mimi together
with Nqobani were handling the pop-up events quite well. Then comes my
marriage, my wife's trust issues were way too high but its understandable, the
men in her life have bailed on her. First it was her father and her uncle was no
different. I needed to prove to her that I was in it with her good or bad, forgive
and forget her mistakes because I know she has forgiven me for mine. I went to
the warehouse to check on things. I found Nathan and the guys loading up coffins
with drugs
Me: "This looks so wrong, in so many levels." We laughed
Nathan: "It's the best idea had ever come up with."
Me: "Its genius, I give you that. Who will have the time to inspect coffins?"
Nathan: "I know I wouldn't." We chuckled "There seems to be a hiccup with
regards to a detective friend of mine who was my ear inside the police force."
Me: "What? Then how will we know about the Nigerians' stash houses?"
Nathan: "We'll get the intel don't worry, he's has a problem with his new partner,
he's all law enforcement who follows the rules."
Me: "Let's take him out of the equation. Nathan the UN is expecting results from
us." We may have been doing this for the wrong reasons but there was good in it.
The Nigerian syndicate was trafficking young girls as drug mules and sex slaves.
Nathan: "Don't panic, Lwando will come through, he always does. Its that idiot
Mxolisi that he works with." Suddenly I was sceptical, I just hated not being in
control of the situation
Me: "He better come through, my job is on the line here."
Nathan: "He will. Zweli told me about your project, imagine the amount of money
you'll make internationally."
Me: "We haven't strategized that far."
Nathan: "Well you should, it's great business. I am actually pissed at him for not
including me." I laughed at the face he made
Me: "Don't worry you'll handle transportation like always."
Nathan: "I guess so." He was a really cool guy, he wasn't hectic as you'd expect
him to be for the amount of power he had. Working with was felt good, he was a
team player more than a coach. We carried on loading those drugs while we
planned on how to handle the upcoming attack, it was strategic and they weren't
going to see us coming. "I hear Clive is a father now."
Me: "Yes he is, my boy is obsessed with the little guy." I said smiling. He was really
happy. "He went through a lot , he deserves such happiness."
Nathan: "Good for him man. He's gotten a bit nervous especially about security." I
laughed because he has.
Me: "So Sam finally agreed to be the nanny?" He laughed
Nathan: "Sam is something else. She didn't, she only agreed to help me out. But
she did find me someone, who's getting training. I can't take the risk."
Me: "The security at the estate is tight and the cameras are fine. I don't want to
raise my wife's alarm because it will mean, I come clean about everything."
Nathan: "At least you are married, so she might just understand. Azande can't
find out about this life, its too early maybe when we are married."
Me: "So she's the one vele vele?"
Nathan: "Akekho omunye mfethu(There's no else)" his Zulu was on point. I
nodded, he was sure about Azande. "I am flying back with you."
Me: "And the jet?"
Nathan: "Ndu and Clive used it to go to Mozambique." They were handling
business there. Clive surprised me, he had never been part of the gang before but
the way he just blended in and handle business you'd say he has years of
experience.
Me: "Totally forgot." We finished up and the guys left for wherever those drugs
needed to go. Nathan and I flew to Johannesburg and Thabo drove us home.
Driving us wasn't even his job Thabo was the best hit man, I had ever met and you
wouldn't say.
Thingo: "Hey baby." She ran to hug me. She was in a good mood.
Me: "Thingo lwam" we kissed.
Thingo: "How was your trip?"
Me: "Fruitful. I missed you."
Thingo: "Kant nawe ke Nyambose, you were missed dearly." I smiled and she
smiled back. I loved her man. "I was thinking of going back home this weekend to
check on things especially Banele."
Me: "Okay" I wasn't sure if I was ready to face her but it had to be done. "How
was your exam?"
Thingo: "It didn't go the way I expected it but I am hopeful." We kissed again "I'll
go back to studying your food is in the microwave."
Me: "I'll eat later." We both went upstairs to our room since she was studying in
bed. I got in bed and slept.
Thingo: “Hlanga.” She shook me.
Me: “mmh.” She shook me harder
Thingo: “Your phone is ringing.”
Me: “Answer it.” I was too tired to care honestly. I turned and looked at her “Who
was it?”
Thingo: “Nathan.” I was up that moment. “Oh I think I am being hacked.”
Me: “What did Nathan say?” I really didn’t care about her being hacked
Thingo: “Oh my Hlanga!! They wiped everything on my hardrive. Whatever virus
this is, it is vicious.”
Me: “Nathan! Siphosethu, what did he say?
Thingo: “Huh? Oh something about an attack. Obviously he is crazy because you
are here with me.” shit!! “Hlanga my slides and past exam papers where in
there.” she was panicking and it was all adding up
Me: “Did you log on the wifi?” she nodded. “Shit!! Okay. Baby please pack a bag
and I will take you to Hlelo’s.”
Thingo: “Maybe later when I go get the past papers.”
Me: “Now Siphosethu!” she nodded and got out of bed “Don’t bother changing.
Just pack your books and clothes.” She did as instructed and Ndumiso had a lot of
explaining to do. I dialled his number.
Ndu: “I don’t know how it happened Hlanga. I am on it as we speak.”
Me: “Fix it Ndumiso. Whatever that is it was able to wipe my wife’s laptop.”
Ndu: “That’s not good Hlanga. Get her out of there and come and meet me at the
warehouse.”
Me: “You in Joburg?”
Ndu: “No I am Dubai, of course slima.” He was an idiot naturally but him and I got
along just fine. He was still having marital problems, he was even considering
leaving her for the sake of his kids because he wasn’t fine.
Me: “I am on my way.” I looked at Thingo, she couldn’t decide on what to pack
“Weeeh!! This will never end.”
Thingo: “I am done. Hawu!!” I chuckled “Whats happening? Bathini the wifi
people? I thought it was secure.” She still didn’t know about that side of me.
Me: “Nothing to worry your law brain about. Go study and let me fix it.” I took her
laptop bag and overnight bag and I led us downstairs.
Thingo: “Let me know, bathin because ilaw of damages ithi …” I couldn’t let her
finish because it was never going to end. Her passion for law was a turn on and I
loved her arguments when she was making her case but not that day.
Me: “Write that in the test, yabo baby?” she nodded with a smile. She was still so
beautiful, I don’t think I will ever stop being in love with her. I put all her things in
the car. “Call me when you get there and I will check up on you later.”
Thingo: “I thought you were taking me.”
Me: “Who will fix the wifi?” she shrugged her shoulders and got in the car and
drove out and I followed in a different direction. We lived in a safe estate, the
security was tight but I couldn’t take chances with her, she was all I have. I went
to the warehouse and I found Ndu and the rest of the boys there. Chance was the
only one in Durban so the conversation was over video call.
Nathan: “Where the fuck is Nqobani? His phone is off.”
Me: “Let me try him.” I called him on the UN phone because he knows that it can
never be off.
Nqobani: “Hlangalezwe.”
Me: “Where the fuck are you? We are at war and awukho and please don’t tell
me you in Kimberly because I will end you myself.” He chuckled
Nqobani: “Yehlisa umoya Mthethwa. I am at home, whats up?”
Me: “We have been hacked.”
Nqobani: “What? That’s not good.”
Me: “Get your ass here now.” I hung up and we carried on talking about the hack
Nqobani: “What the fuck Ndumiso!! How did you let this happen? That virus
attacked everything.” He must have been in Soweto if he was that quick and he
seemed pissed like all of us.
Ndu: “Guys we have a problem.” We all looked at him
Chance: “How bad is it?”
Ndu: “Bongani the one who turned state’s witness against us. This is his virus, I
can spot it anywhere.”
Us: “What?”
Nathan: “Shut us down and rebuild Ndumiso not repair.”
Nqobani: “Find out where they are hiding him Chance.”
Me: “It shouldn’t have gotten to him being a state’s witness Thuba. Find him and I
will end him.” That boy didn’t know who was dealing with.
Nqobani: “Why the fuck did he have access to the system Ndumiso?”
Ndu: “I cant operate this equipment alone guys. I needed help. At first it was fine
since it was just Durban but with Johannesburg as well it got a little too much and
he was eager to learn.”
Chance: “We are not the only one who want him guys. Apparently this is MO, he
is an informant and he gets planted.”
Nathan: “I did say hijacking a government vehicle was a stretch look were we at
now.” It was too late for I told you so.
Ndu: “We didn’t have a choice Nathan you know that.” We all knew that “Chance
use your contact, Bongani cant testify.” Chance was too connected in the
underworld and he knew which doors to knock on if he needed something. "This
came at the worst time. The intel on the syndicate is promising."
Naobani: "Lets fix this problem before we move on with the plan. Ndumiso you
need to restrict access with whoever you are working with
Me: "You have a point."
Chance: “I'll use my contacts and keep you posted. Wena Nqobani keep your
phone charged.” He nodded while rubbing his bald head. He did that when he
was uncomfortable. “Guys you cant go back home, the police might be on to us.”
Nathan: “Its in definite guys. Wiping Bongani out might be tricky since, he is
custody of the state now.”
Me: “We’ll wait to hear from you guys.”
Nqobani: “I’ll go find out what the police have. Perks of having a brother-in-law in
the force.” We laughed. Tumisang’s brother was a cop and a shady one at that.
We all went our separate ways and left Ndumiso to do his thing. “We have an
event in Vaal this weekend.”
Me: “Okay, injan?”
Nqobani: “Something about open mic.”
Me: “Okay. Since I don’t have a house I will have to bring Thingo and book us a
place there.”
Nqobani: “I was thinking the same thing. I’ll have Mimi book us a guesthouse
instead because Palesa is in town.”
Me: “Okay. Is she still on maternity leave?”
Nqobani: "Yes and it mandatory. Mimi wants to take my son to these events busy
saying, she's a working mom yena. She's crazy." We laughed, he was really happy
about Njabulo. I was actually jealous. I also wanted a kid but there was still the
elephant in the which was me opening up.
Me: "Mimi is something else. I'll see on the weekend." We fist bumped and I left
him and went to buy Thingo and her friends’ food. And I drove to their estate
Hlelo: “Hey bhuti, please come in.” she was such a respectful and humble soul.
She was really good for my wife
Me: “Unjan MaGumede?”
Hlelo: “Please ask me that after tomorrow.”
Me: “Okay, you guys need a break and I bought you food.”
Hlelo: “And its pasta!! Can I keep you in this house?” I laughed and she helped me
with the plastics. “’Bow!!” she came running downstairs. “We have been
blessed.”
Thingo: “You are a star.” She kissed me and took her take away. Hlelo was long
eating
Hlelo: “This is too much food for just the two of us.”
Me: “You don’t live alone hawu.”
Hlelo: “Oh.”
Thingo: “So can I come back home?” I shook my head. “How long?” I shrugged my
shoulders “Are you kicking me out?” I laughed and they laughed after me. Where
did she get that idea?
Hlelo: “I think he is, he is just discreet about it.” I was still laughing.
Me: “That’s crazy. What will I be without my Rainbow?” And my woman blushed.
It got me all weak and happy “Do you guys have plans this weekend, we have a
pop-up party in Vaal.”
Thingo: “We are coming. I have never been to any because of the books.”
Hlelo: “We writing our last paper so we are there.”
Thingo: "We'll go home after your event I guess."
Me: “Okay I will count you on the bookings.”
Thingo: “Hawu! Baby Vaal is just here.”
Me: “It’s a party, so we going to be drinking. Do you want me to drive drunk?” she
shook her head “Cool then.”
Hlelo: “Can my brothers come? Don’t worry we’ll share the room.”
Me: “They can come and its my treat so yeah.” They nodded in excitement. “Now
go study, my suit is being tailor made for graduation as we speak.”
Hlelo: “Italian shoes too?” I nodded chuckling. She was crazy
Thingo: “Graduation of the century.” They laughed. I opened my arms and hugged
them and I left.

»26«
CONTINUED
NQOBANI
Cebo: "I am so happy for you bhuti. Njabulo came at the right time." She was busy
playing with him
Me: "I know, he's lazy boy he doesn't even cry." It bothered me, you wouldn't
even say there's a baby in the house.
Nolwazi: "Suka!! He's not dramatic like he's daddy." They laughed.
Cebo: "Some babies the drama comes later Nqobani. He's fine."
Mimi: "I keep telling him that, even the doctor is happy with his growth." I may
have taken things too far and took him to the doctor. Maybe I was dramatic but
Njabulo was my blood, he was going to carry on our family name so everything
had to go smoothly with him.
Cebo: "Its time for aunty to leave baby Njabs, yes it is." My boy was just looking at
her. "We'll see you around Mimi."
Mimi: "Okay bye guys, and thank you for checking up on us."
Nolwazi: "This is the beginning. I am available for babysitting this angel. If I were
to choose favorites, he's mine." We laughed
Cebo: "I thought Sihle was your favourite."
Nolwazi: "Woooh! Miss Attitude, sorry!" We laughed again. "Bye guys." We
hugged and they left. It was just Mimi, I and our son.
Mimi: "I think I'll call a cab now."
Me: "I don't want you guys to leave Mimi. And I'll drive you back if need be."
Mimi: "Ahha Clive, these are the boundaries you asked for. Where my son goes I
go." she was being dramatic.
Me: "Palesa is not even around Mimi."
Mimi: "I know that but I respect your relationship like you asked me to. I was here
because Njabulo's aunts wanted to spend time with him." She was serious about
this. Being with Palesa was complicating my life now. I loved sleeping with
Njabulo. She packed his bag
Me: "I really don't like this Mimi we agreed on co-parenting."
Mimi: "And you also asked for boundaries Clive. I am not your yoyo.You need to
decide and stick to your decision." She sighed "Clive this situation is hard for me
but I suck it for him." He pointed at Njabulo "I have to pretend that I like seeing
you with someone else whereas I am dying inside." I honestly didn't know what to
do
Me: "I am sorry Mimi. I care about you, you know that." She was crying and I was
even more confused.
Mimi: "That's not good enough for me Clive but I get it and I respect you, even
more for being the father you are to our son." She wiped her tears "Please take us
home." I just nodded. It broke my heart seeing her like that.
Me: "No. You are not fine and you don't need to be alone right now."
Mimi: "We'll go to my sister's place."
Me: "No Mimi! This is Njabulo's home so you are staying."
Me: "Mxm!" She went to the kitchen
Mimi: "You don't even have food Clive. Kante what do you eat with that fake
flower of yours?" I laughed
Me: "We'll go buy groceries. Palesa is a bad cook and she likes us eating out. Plus
she only ever here on weekends so we eat out."
Mimi: "Wooh che, I cant. Let's go." I took my wallet and baby stroller while she
carried him to the car "I think I should buy you guys a car just to make things easy
this cab thing is not okay."
Mimi: "We don't move around alot Clive so its fine. Save that money for when
baby Njabs goes to school because my son is going to a private school" she
laughed "and there other important things. Njabulo is already 3 months he'll be
going to school soon." I had too much money just sitting around doing nothing.
My sisters didn't need me that much and Sne was taken care of by the money
Bab' Mdluli left for her.
Me: "I can manage. Njabulo deserves the best Mimi and I plan on giving him that.
So I am buying you guys a house and car especially when I am not around to drive
you guys. Just tell me which one you like and I'll make it happen."
Mimi: "..." we got to the shopping centre and we bought food and nappies
whatever supplies they needed and we left. We got home and she cooked. Mimi
was a health freak. She was working on bringing her old body back apparently.
She looked good to me though.
Mimi: "So your bookings have been finalized for the weekend. Clive what you
doing is so unfair waitse." She was talking about me forcing her to take maternity
leave.
Me: "Mimi I am not changing my mind, Keith is doing great without you while you
do the mother thing."
Mimi: "I love my job Clive. Mamello was going to babysit while I handle things."
She was even sulking
Me: "This is not the first event or the last event we've hosted Mimi."
Mimi: "I know. But I feel you should be on leave with me, I mean I didn't make
Njabulo alone." I laughed
Me: "You're crazy." She gave me my food and breastfed Njabulo while we watch
tv.
Mimi: "I am serious." She looked at him "Njabulo looks nothing like me Clive. The
more he grows all your features keep popping up, he even has your china eyes."
Me: "He's my twin vele." We laughed. I really loved having them around. We later
went to bed
Mimi: "You'll bring him to me when he wants his food." Whenever they spent the
night I slept with Njabulo and Mimi took over when he was hungry or changing his
nappy.
Me: "Okay."
Mimi: "Good night mommy's little soldier." I laughed
Me: "Soldier, really Mimi?"
Mimi: "What, you two are twins mos so yes. He's a soldier like daddy." I was still
laughing. "Goodnight guys."
Me: "Night mommy." She kissed him and my son and I went to bed.
======
I drove like a crazy person to the hospital. On my way there I got a call from my
woman
Palesa: "Baby o kae(where are you)? We have to get ready for Vaal."
Me: "Eish baby I'll call you later, I can't talk right now." I hung up. I got to the ER
and I asked the receptionist for Mimi and Njabulo and they were busy with the
doctor "What the fuck Mimi, what happened?"
Dr: "Come down sir. The Mrs and the little man have fever and I am tempted to
admit them especially the Mrs." The Mrs really?
Me: "Is it that bad?"
Dr: "I am worried."
Me: "Okay I guess." I looked at "the Mrs" she really looked sick. Njabulo on the
other hand was restless and crying. The doctor gave them both antibiotics
through an IV.
Mimi: "I am the one who infected Njabulo apparently. Clive you need to leave,
you have open mic."
Me: "Are you crazy, you guys are sick, I need to be here."
Mimi: "We'll be fine."
Me: "..." I took out my phone and I called Hlanga.
Hlanga: "Bhungane."
Me: "Nyambose. I won't make it tonight, Mimi and Njabulo were admitted."
Hlanga: "Are they going to be okay?"
Me: "Yeah, its just fever."
Hlanga: "Okay sure ntwana. I'll handle things. Speedy recovery to the baby mama
and the little guy."
Me: "Sure ntwana!" I hung up and I went back to sit with them
Mimi: "You make it really hard for a girl to hate you. Clive you are a good guy and
you not even my guy."
Me: "Mimi."
Mimi: "I am just saying that, you are a good guy. Above everything else I am
happy you are my baby daddy."
Me: "I am also glad you are my baby mama. I have to admit, with the life you
were living before the pregnancy news came, I was really worried."
Mimi: "You were very vocal about that. The truth is Njabulo is my safe haven
Clive. His news woke me up from the grave I was digging for myself." She really
has changed from the Mimi I had casual sex with. With Mimi sleeping around
wasn't even about the money, it was about alcohol and fun.
Me: "He's my safe haven too. With him being around, I am more hopeful than I
ever was before." She was slowly dosing off the medication was kicking in.
"Goodnight."
Mimi: "Thank you for staying."
Me: "No need to thank me." She closed her eyes. That heart to heart conversation
made me look at Mimi in a different light
HLELO
Thingo: "I can't believe you not coming to the pop-up party, I was really looking
forward to having fun with you."
Me: "I am really sorry 'Bow. I also wasn't planning on the family coming this
weekend. But there'll be other events right?
Thingo: "I hope so."
Me: "I have to go babe, I have a study session with Thendo."
Thingo: "Your definition of study session is way different from mine yaz." We
laughed
Me: "Oh please. I'll see you when you get back from Tongaat, okay?"
Thingo: "Okay honey."
Me: "I love you." We hugged
Thingo: "I love you too." And we parted ways.
I went to Thendo's res for our study session. Thendo, his surname was a bit hard
for me to pronounce since he was Venda, well he was the guy I seeing. It wasn’t
deep since he had a lot of issues and I wasn’t sure about our relationship. It
hadn’t been that long anyway just 3 months and the sex was amazing. Thendo
was a bit of a nerd and I guess I was attracted to that not forgetting her dark and
mysterious self. While I busy staring at him as he studied, my phone rang and it
was my brother
Me: “Ndalwenhle you were suspended from school?” the quads were going to be
the death of me. There was always drama with them.
Ndalo: “Sisi can we talk about this when I get there. The rents don’t know so
please don't tell them.”
Me: “Okay. How are you getting here?”
Ndalo: “I am in a taxi as we speak.”
Me: “Okay, I will pick you up when you get here. Be safe.”
Ndalo: “Sharp.” We hung up and I went back to entertaing my guy. Who was busy
kissing my neck and nibbling my ear.
Me: “So my brother is coming so I wont be staying the night.”
Thendo: “Its okay I guess. I need to study hard as well and make that paper so I
can afford you.” This is what he does, putting a price tag on me. My family was
rich yes but I wasn’t and I certainly didn’t want that following me.
Me: “Thendo what makes you think you cant afford me? You see this why I
wanted us to be just friends with benefits so I don’t have to deal with you feeling
like I want money.” I stood up “Mxm!!” I started packing my books, I was really
fed up
Thendo: “Baby I am sorry. Its just that its hard sometimes, I know you not about
that life but we cant ignore the fact we from different worlds.” There was no
saving this guy from his insecurities. I liked him because he was a good and caring
person not forgetting hardworking. We actually met on a queue at the student
centre, I was so thirsty and I asked to cut in front of him. We started talking since I
was using him but he turned out to be interesting. He was doing his honours in
political sciences.
Me: “You are choosing to bring it up Thendo and you always do. Is this my life
with you? You pointing out my socio-economy standard every chance you get? I
didn’t ask for this I was born into it, I cant change it either.”
Thendo: “Hlelo. Ndi khou humbela pfarelo.” That meant he was sorry. I really
liked this guy, there was something about him. His dark and mysterious self.
Me: “Ee.” I was always eager to learn new languages. As a prosecutor I had to
prepare myself.
Thendo: “Ndi a ni funa.” This was the first time he was saying it. He just said he
loved me
Me: “Ka vha mfparele(excuse me)?” I was a bit shook, we just fought and he
chooses to say he loves me. He smiled showing me his perfect white teeth.
Thendo: “Ee. I want to go deep in TshiVenda but I will lose you. I am proud of you
for what you have learnt, you are meeting me halfway by even learning my
language. I am the problem and I need to deal with my insecurities.” That was a
relief. I mean I would’ve liked us to go to Tashas or somewhere in Sandton but my
reality was we couldn’t and I was fine with that. We did movies though and I was
still happy. “I meant it Hlelo, I do love you and I want to make you happy.”
Me: “Please let go of the money thing, that will make me happy." He nodded
"Baby I am here with you but its too soon for me to say Iove you back but I am not
going anywhere. Okay?”
Thendo: “I know and I don’t want to pressure you.”
Me: “Ndi a livhuwa(thank you). I am happy with you. Thendo you motivate and
push me. Please don’t make this about money because it not. Yes I am going to be
rich but not becauase of my parents because of my hard work and sweat.”
Instead he kissed me and things escalated on that tiny res bed that I have come to
find comfortable. We had 3 rounds of love making and we were about to be to go
for our fourth one when Ndalo called. “You coming with me, we haven’t eaten
Thendo.” We were dressing up.
Thendo: “I still have the leftovers you cooked for me yesterday, so I am good.” He
didn’t like take aways and I also didn’t but they were a convenience sometimes.
Me: “Oh okay. I will see you, I don’t know when.”
Tendo: “Tomorrow baby.”
Me: “I have to start with my thesis baby so I will see how far I get with it.”
Tendo: “We’ll meet at the library than.” I nodded and packed my books. We
didn’t do much of studying. We kissed and this man deepened it
Me: “mmh!” I pushed him off “Thendo man.” He chuckled and I didn’t find it
funny. I didn’t want my brother waiting for me.
Tendo: “Bye. Ndi a ni funa(I love you).” I looked at him and we smiled at each
other. I eventually left his room in a hurry. I drove to the park station and I found
him by the food court.
Me: “Hey babe.” We hugged, I missed him. He was getting taller by the day.
Ndalo: “Hey sisi.”
Me: “I am actually starving do you want us to eat here or I will cook at home.” I
was too hungry to wait for home
Ndalo: “Its too congested here. Take us to the nearest drive through.” I nodded as
I led us to where I had parked my car. I called Alime finding out if he was to fetch
Sbonga from school or it was my turn. And it was my turn to. We went KFC and
we bought enough for everyone and we went past Sbonga’s school and I drove
home.
Sbonga: “Lume where is aunty?” my son was still tight with Sasa.
Ndalo: “Hawu. But I am here, aren’t you happy to see me?” I laughed because
Sbonga had no answer “hehe lomfana uthanda amantombazane(this boy loves
women).”
Sbonga: “I am happy to see you lume. I miss aunty too and gogo.”
Ndalo: “Too bad, I am not aunty.” I laughed
Me: “Ndalo be nice hawu.” We got home and Sbonga ran inside. My son was The
King of tantrums. What he wanted he had to get
Ndalo: “Uthi mina ngimthatheph uaunty(where am I supposed to find aunty)?” He
imitates my son’s voice “Haisuka man Hlehle you spoil that boy too much.” He
was strict like mamazi.
Me: “leave my son alone and tell me about you being suspended and how will you
explain you being here to the parents?”
Ndalo: “They are out of town so Zweli acted as my guardian. I will deal with them
if they find out, I really hope those idiots I shared a womb with care enough about
me not to rat me out.”
Me: “What did you do?”
Ndalo: “I went off at my maths teacher for saying 7 wasn’t divisable by 3. And I
may have taken over the class.”
Me: “Dude its not.” What was this boy talking about?
Ndalo: “It is sis, it just has remainders and that’s where the problem started.” I
laughed “Miss Smith is dramatic uyamaz nawe.” I was still laughing my brother
was crazy. He was the most chilled person amongst the 3. After some time my son
came back from where he was being dramatic from. Lakhe bought him a tv for his
room since he disturbed him with cartoons
Me: “So how long is your suspension? Did you bring your books, because you
wont be lazying around?”
Ndalo: “Its 2 weeks. I am not an idiot of course I did. I also bought my camera for
my model, angaz ngoba efuna uaunty nje(I am not so sure since he wants aunty).”
My brother was into photography, and Sbonga was his model. “I had a gig last
weekend, a kid’s birthday party.” He was already hustling to think he was a smart,
not Alime smart but he was.
Me: “You are paying me for my son’s time.” He laughed
Ndalo: “Kant ungenze umalume kuthi kube njani(what was the reason for you to
make me an uncle)?” I laughed being an uncle was a big deal to my younger
brothers “I was hoping you, Thingo and Emma can be my models as well.”
Me: “I will talk to them.”
Ndalo: “Okay thanks. Will be searching for locations in the meantime.” I started
with dinner after driving Mam Dora home. She was still with us and Sbonga
adored her, she was his second gogo. My brothers came with Lunathi. Things
never ended well when Lunathi was around but he was our brother and we loved
him. Our parents were close and they raised us siblings. He was Bab Lungelo's
son.
Lunathi: “Lion King!!” Sbonga smiled. He loved being The King “And wena ntwana
why are you here?” he asked me to keep it on the low, the less people knew the
low the chances of the parents finding out
Ndalo: “I am seeing a doctor here tomorrow so yeah.” He nodded in
understanding. You would’ve believed him as well if you had seen his straight
face. He was just like baba he hardly smiled and when he did it was so genuine
and those dimples.
Lakhe: “Lunathi is moving in with us guys.”
Alime&I: “What?”
Lakhe: “Yeah the parents sent me a text.” Alime and I went to check our phones
wherever they are and it was true. This was really bad guys, I loved the guy don’t
get me wrong but he was too much of a rich fuck boy.
Alime: “Welcome I guess.” He wasn’t happy either
Me: “Yeah. Are you aware of the ground rules or should we lay them down for
you?”
Lunathi: “I know I am a problem guys and I think that’s why the parents moved
me here. On top of that they change the clause of my trust fund which means
yours might change as well.” Our fates were intertwined and to think he was 4
years older than us.
Lakhe: “The fuck Lunathi kanti yin?”
Lunathi: “I have to get a qualification and work at least 3 years before it comes
out.” I wasn’t even bagging on that money. It was for Sbonga.
Me: “Back to ground rules ke. We have a kid in the house as you can see so please
be a decent human being because he picks up on things.” He nodded “No parties
this is a residential area.”
Alime: “Chill sessions acceptable only when we all agree.”
Lakhe: “We have mam dora for cleaning and washing but also we are not messy
people.” He nodded. “We cook for ourselves, we take turns of course.”
Lunathi: “I am bad with the cooking but I make a decent breakfast, breakfast is on
me.” we nodded we didn’t mind as long as he did his part “So I can bring girls?”
we laughed, it wouldn’t have been Lunathi if the conversation didn’t have girls in
it.
Lakhe: “Of course you can but keep them in your room.”
Lunathi: “I think we’ll co-exist just fine.”
Me: “We take our studies very seriously and you sound like you need the focus.”
He nodded again. He took his things to the 5th bedroom and settled in, some of
his things were coming with a movers’ truck from Cape Town. Lunathi changed 3
degrees and 2 universities. Wits was his 3rd university and he was studying
pharmacology, hopefully he was going to see it through. We chilled and had
dinner with my brothers and later went to shower and sleep. I slept with Ndalo
and Sbonga. My family knew my issues and no one complained. Turns out the
reason the family was coming for the weekend was because of Lunathi. He
needed the intervention actually. It was an awesome weekend with the family,
it's never a dull moment.

»27«
AZANDE
Me: "Claire I think I am pregnant." She might have been the head of our
department but I had considered her a friend over the years. I needed to share
the these news with someone, I have avoided the possibility for way too long.
Claire: "What? Congratulations Tasha." She stood up from her chair with the
biggest smile on her face. "Why are you crying sweety, these are good news." I
wiped my tears
Me: "Please check the pregnancy tests for me than you'll give me a pep talk."
Claire: "Okay." We walked to my office and they were sitting on my desk "You
took 3?" I nodded. "WOW!"
Me: "What do they say?"
Claire: "They all have 2 lines Natasha. You are pregnant." Shit!
Me: "Its too soon Claire. Our relationship is still new, not forgetting that we are in
different provinces." I sat down "I need chocolate right now." This all felt a bit too
much.
Claire: "Let's take a walk Natasha." She gave me her hand and we took the walk
"You are scared I get that. Pregnancy is a big and scary thing but it also has its
advantages, you'll love motherhood plus you are a natural at taking care of other
people. As for your partner, stop over thinking things and sit him down and let
him have his say about the situation." I nodded. I was calm now
Me: "Thank you for calming me down. In all honesty I have nothing to panic
about. I am a 32 year old who has a job and is mature enough to mother a child, I
am raising my siblings for crying out loud. Of course I can manage." She smiled "I
can do this."
Claire: "Of course you can. Sweety you need to talk to your partner as well."
Me: "I will." At the thought of this whole thing, I remembered how he introduced
himself to me. He wanted this, I was pretty sure he was going to be happy. "Thank
you Claire." We hugged
Claire: "You're welcome. Let me buy you that chocolate." We were standing in
front of the vending machine.
Me: "Thank you" She gave me an areo slab and I didn't waste time, I indulged. We
went back to work. I took the tests and put them in my handbag. My boyfriend
called, like he knew I was thinking of him. All of a sudden I was excited about
telling him about the turn of events "Baba wezingane zam."
Nathan: "Wangbiza kamnandi yaz(I like the sound of that)." I giggled "How are
you doing?"
Me: "I am good and you?"
Nathan: "I am just fine. Baby your new place is ready." A 3 bedroom apartment
wasn't going to cut it for me now.
Me: "Baby can I check it out first and see if its a perfect fit."
Nathan: "Sam will fetch you during your lunch time. I am in Durban and I have
business to take care of."
Me: "Okay. Baby we need to talk, I can even take some of my leave days and
come to Durban."
Nathan: "Is everything okay? Azande please don't tell you want to end things." He
was panicking "Baby I can't lose you." I laughed
Me: "Nathan you are not losing me." I had never met a guy who was scared of
losing me this much.
Nathan: "Baby don't laugh, nothing good ever comes after we need to talk." If
only he knew that we were going to be parents. I was suddenly happy about the
news and for some reason I trusted Nathan being the father of my kids.
Me: "So should I take leave?"
Nathan: "Okay. Sam we'll watch the kids while you here."
Me: "Okay I'll fly in tonight and come tomorrow."
Nathan: "Okay. I am happy that I am going to see you but this talk has me
nervous." He sighed "Call me when you have everything sorted."
Me: "Okay. I love you Nathan."
Nathan: "I love you Azande." I hung up. I went Claire's office to request leave and
she granted it, I took two weeks since we were moving. I also went to HR to sign
the leave forms. Lunch time Sam came and we went to Fourways, that's where
the townhouse was. It was beautiful, the complex was even safer than my
current because you controlled who entered the gate through your phone, it was
next level. I liked for us but with a new baby on the way and a nanny. We needed
a house but it was all going to come up when I see him. I didn't even go back to
work after lunch I went home to cooked for the kids so that they had food for the
night, Sphe helped out a lot but I didn't want to abuse her. After they came back
from school they drove me to the airport together with Sam. I have to say since
Nathan came into my life, I had been saving so much on petrol and not forgetting
the fact that he was depositing money in my account and it was serious money.
Me: "Bye guys, I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
Them: "Okay."
Me: "Sam take care of my kids and call me if there are any problems."
Sam: "That's why I am here boss lady, under my watch there won't be any
problems." We laughed, I really liked her man. They left me and I went to board
my flight, I wasn't flying by jet that day. During the flight I was thinking of ways of
telling Nathan he was going to be father without coming on too strong. I landed
Me: "Baby where are you?"
Nathan: "I am stuck at the office. Sizwe is picking you up. I'll meet you at home."
Me: "Nathan who's Sizwe now?"
Guy: "I am." I turned "I was sent to pick you up." He was really sketchy. He looked
like a thug, how did Nathan even know him
Me: "Baby can I trust this Sizwe fella?" I said in a low tone. They both laughed at
me
Nathan: "Baby you are everything to me, your safety is my first priority. I'll never
put your life and the kids in harm's way." I believed him for some weird reason
Me: "Okay, I'll see you at home I guess."
Nathan: "Okay." We hung up. Sizwe took my overnight bag and he led the way
Me: "I am sorry, I didn't mean it in a bad way." He laughed again
Sizwe: "Its all good boss lady. But you can trust me." This boss lady name was
starting to feel normal and I was worried.
Me: "Okay. So you work for Nathan."
Sizwe: "Yes."
Me: "What do you do?" I was really nosy. He rubbed his head
Sizwe: "I am on of his drivers." He did say he's in the logistics business
Me: "Oh okay. Its nice to meet you Sizwe."
Sizwe: "Likewise Boss Lady."
Me: "Azande is my name." He laughed
Sizwe: "Okay. You don't need anything at the mall, I was instructed to give you
everything you want."
Me: "We can pass there so I can get a few things." He took me to some shopping
centre and I bought groceries. Sizwe was pushing my trolley after I was done we
went to the till.
Sizwe: "Don't worry I'll pay." He took out his card
Me: "No it's okay, I can manage." He ignored me and gave the cashier his card
"Thank you."
Sizwe: "You welcome. Nathan did say you are difficult."
Me: "Hawu!" He laughed and took the plastics and we left. I got home, yes it was
home now and started cooking. He liked chicken so I made barbeque chicken but
the smell was killing me. I called Sizwe since he said he'll leave when Nathan got
home. "The smell is killing me. Can you please cook for me, I'll tell you what to
do."
Sizwe: "Okay." I gave him instructions on marinating the chicken and making vege
bake sauce. He was a quick study and he did everything as instructed while I ate
my chocolate ice cream, the doorbell disturbed my cooking school
Me: "Pour the sauce over the veges and cover with foil and put in the oven. I'll
check the door."
Sizwe: "I have to say I am enjoying this." We laughed. I was a people's person it
didn't take much for me to get used to someone. I went to the door and a Naomi
Campbell type of woman stood at the door and she smelled awful, I vomited the
ice cream I was eating all over her Louis Vuitton heels.
Lady: "What the fuck!!! Nathan!!!" She shouted while she pushed me aside and
went to my man's room. She definitely knew her way around the house. I went to
the bathroom and rinsed my mouth. What was happening, I asked myself?
Lady: "Who are you and what are you doing in my man's house?"
Me: "..." And the other shoe dropped! I knew it, this was too good to be true. I
was being played, why would Nathan hurt me like this?
Sizwe: "Ningi shut the fuck up." So he knows her?
Ningi: "I am calling Nathan so he can explain this. I leave the country for a few
months and there's you, ngeke!" She took out her phone and called her man. So
Nathan was just passing time with me, is that what he was doing?
Me: "Sizwe switch off everything and drive me to the airport."
Sizwe: "I can't do that Boss Lady, I get my orders from Nathan."
Me: "TAKE ME TO THE AIRPORT NOW SIZWE!!!" He switched off everything and
took his car keys and we left Ningi in her man's house
Sizwe: "Azande its not what you think."
Me: "Just shut up and drive!!!"
Sizwe: "..." he took his phone "Nathan, jy is in die moeilikheid(you are in trouble)"
he called Nathan. I didn't even understand what they were saying
Nathan: "..." I couldn't hear him
Sizwe: "Ningi het by die huis verskyn(showed up at the house). En nou ry ek Boss
Lady na die lughawe(And now I am driving Boss Lady to the airport)"
Nathan: "..."
Sizwe: "Sy spoeg brand(she is spitting fire)." This was adding to my already dull
mood.
Nathan: "..."
Sizwe: "Sharp." He hung and did a u-turn.
Me: "What are you doing?"
Sizwe: "I am driving you to Nathan."
Me: "I don't want to see him Sizwe please." He ignored me and carried on driving.
I started crying silently. This was the day I was supposed to tell him the best news
ever, that we are going to be parents and for us to start making plans. Sizwe
drove us to a hotel and parked at some private parking "I am not leaving this car, I
don't want to see him."
Nathan: "Baby!! Baby!" It looked like he was running "Baby let me explain."
Me: "..." tears just didr as they pleased. I really loved him but his betrayal was too
much
Nathan: "Let's go inside and talk. Baby please give me the chance to explain." He
took my hand and we went through a private elevator. We got to his suite and we
looked at each other. His blue eyes were going to make me believe anything he
says so I looked away.
Nathan: "Baby what Ningi and I had was nothing, it was just for fun. She's married
and she was bored."
Me: "You slept with a married woman Nathan?"
Nathan: "Sex is sex Azande. Like I said what we had was nothing and it ended
before we met."
Me: "She called you her man Nathan and she seemed to know her way around
the house."
Nathan: "She was lying baby and I don't know why she'd think that. I haven't seen
her in months. Yes she's spent a few nights at my house." He took my hands
"Baby I love you and you are everything to me. Cheating is not my style Azande." I
looked into his eyes and they were begging me to believe him
Me: "I am hungry."
Nathan: "Baby we are having a serious conversation here, food can wait."
Me: "I am really hungry Nathan." I wiped my tears.
Nathan: "Okay, let's order room service." I took the menu and ordered "You're
really hungry." I nodded.
Me: "This whole thing has me asking myself what type of person you are Nathan.
You say cheating is not your style yet you slept with a married woman."
Nathan: "Ningi was cheating in that case baby not me. She made the decision to
cheat on her husband. I am with you now and I am committed to you
wholeheartedly." Can I really trust that though? I was really sceptical and the
news about me being pregnant could wait. I needed to rethink my whole life now.
Me: "But Nathan you were okay with her choices, that's what bothers me. Why
couldn't you have sex with other single people?"
Nathan: "Azande I am not perfect, I am far from it. I get that morally being
involved with her wasn't okay but baby its all in the past. I can't change it. I am
here now, with you. Please don't crucify me for the choices I made before you
came."
Me: "I am not crucifying you Nathan. Its just that if you were okay with being the
other man at some point you'll be fine with having the other woman." Room
service came and I ate while he just looked at me
Nathan: "What you doing is not fair Azande. Now you talking about things they
might never even happen. I feel like you are dwelling on this because youve been
waiting for me to fuck up."
Me: "That's not true Nathan."
Nathan: "Is it not? Azande a crazy woman come claiming I am her man, you
believe her without hearing ME out, you run back to Johannesburg and now we
are here talking about my past. You are not even trying to see things my way."
Was he right?
Me: "..." I carried on eating while silence filled the room
Nathan: "I love you Azande and that's not changing but its time to decide if you
want to be with me or letting your insecurities rule you. Call me when you've
decided. The jet is available if you want to go back home." He kissed my forehead
and left me hanging. No I was a victim here, he was supposed to be apologizing
and assuring me that he wasn't going to leave me.

»27«
CONTINUED
HLELO
Thendo and I were still going strong and I think I just liked the guy not that I loved
him so I was just going with the flow. Emma was dating some rugby player by the
name of Jacques Ferrera, Afrikaans as they come but he was a really chilled guy.
He was really good for my friend. Emma was doing her honors and the boyfriend
had just signed a 5 year contract with the Blue Bulls. They were so happy and
that’s all I have ever wanted for her. A year ago I bumped into Namhla and Tyson
and they looked somewhat happy, I am not sure if was because of that cute baby
girl, Tyson’s genes of course or they were an item. I didn’t stay to find out. I
wasn’t mad funny enough, I was just indifferent to their existence. Thingo on the
hand was a different story, that girl could die and you wouldn’t know, her and
Hlanga were going through a lot.
Me: “So how have you been, is the family doing okay?”
Thingo: “The family is coping. I on the other hand, I visit my mother’s grave once a
month that’s how I am. I am so angry at her Hlelo at the same time I feel like I am
being too harsh because I don’t have the full story.” I nodded. She really need
closure about her father.
Me: “’Bow let baba help you find him.”
Thingo: “I don’t know Hlelo. What if he is a monster?”
Me: “You’ll never find out what type of monster he is if you don’t face him.” I
wasn’t lying, she needed answers
Thingo: “Hlelo what would you do if Melisizwe where to come back and asked to
be in Sbonga’s life?” I wasn’t prepared for that question but it was something to
think about.
Me: “What Melisizwe did to me is unforgivable ‘Bow and I don’t think I will ever
overlook it. But him and I do have a son and he is the king of my heart and best
thing to have ever happened to me. So it will have to be Sbonga’s decision to
want a relationship with his father not mine because I will say no.” I wasn’t lying
he didn’t deserve the blessing Sbonga was.
Thingo: “I see.” He nodded while she sipped on her smoothie we were at Kuai.
She has become a healthy freak even more than me and it showed. My friend lost
2 jean sizes but part of me felt it was stress. She looked really good and the dance
classes together with Hlanga’s gym we have been abusing since it was free, was
really paying off. My friend was Sbahle Mpisane on steroids. “I am asking because
I kinda feel Sbonga and I are the same but he still has a chance you know, that I
don’t have. He has you and you know where to look for Melisizwe.” My friend
needed closure and I was going to give it her. I worried about her and I would
expect her to do the same for me especially if its going to help me
Me: “’Bow you will never get the answers you need unless to seek them in the
right places.” She looked at me “’I was abandoned at 1 month Thingo and the only
thing my mother or my father or both left me with was a date of birth. They didn’t
even give me a name. I also had questions but by the way things happened and
the more I grew up I realised I was meant to be my parents’ child. I was probably
never going to be this happy and chances are we wouldn’t have met. So the
difference between you and I is you have a chance because you have his name. I
have nothing.”
Thingo: “Hlelo I am scared.” She really was and it was understandable
Me: “I know babe and its okay to be. It is very scary digging up the past. Mngan
wam you need it. Your life is not moving forward because there is so much
holding you back.”
Thingo: “I know but I want to talk to baba myself.”
Me: “Okay, I will set up the appointment.” She nodded and we stood up and
strolled around the mall. We were actually waiting for Emma so we could go to
Ndalo’s photoshoot thing. He still on suspension and Qwabe was waiting for him
with a sjambok when he goes back to Durban.
Thingo: “On other news I got an offer at Sokhulu Attornies and one in
Bloemfontein not forgetting my bursary.”
Me: “So what is your option?”
Thingo: “Hlanga wants me to stay in Johannesburg Hlelo and I am all for black
awareness because Sokhulu is a black law firm and its my only offer in
Johannesburg. I really liked Gerry’s Law, the one in Bloemfontein.”
Me: “I also don’t want you to move but I am happy with whatever makes you
happy.” She nodded with a smile. I really loved this crazy person, she was too kind
and she didn’t even know it.
Thingo: “You and Bheka are still fixed on doing your articles at the DOJ.” I nodded
with excitement “I wouldn’t expect that from a rich Durban girl.” She was
mocking me, she knew how it got me worked up
Me: “Please don’t start, Thendo is enough with his rich girl comments.” She was
still laughing. She laughed even harder at the mention of Thendo’s name. She
didn’t take our relationship seriously.
Thingo: “He needs to get over himself angithi you are with him. Ungene wazi kuthi
iphakethe lingaphandle(you got into the relationship knowing that he's broke),
manje sekumele wenze njan(what must you do now)?”
Me: “I keep telling him the same thing.” Emma texted saying we should meet at
Maboneng because the shoot was there. We were using ‘Bow’s car. Ndalo did his
thing while we had a catch-up session with my girls
Ndalo: “I will send you the final product once I have done my magic but I am
happy.” We nodded, we didn’t even care the gossip was too lit
Emma: “Yeah I am going to his family farm this weekend. I am so nervous guys.”
Me: “Meeting the parents is a big deal.”
Thingo: “I remember when I met Hlanga’s parents oh my, my mother-in-law
looked like she was seeing a unicorn. She didn’t believe that Hlanga had bought a
girl home.” We laughed
Ndalo: “These pics are gorgeous. Keep that conversation going.” We heard him
but we weren’t listening.
Thingo: “Then Hlanga later told me that his parents thought he was gay at some
point” we laughed. There was nothing gay about that beast. “So just be your
normal bubbly self but Jacques is what matters.” She nodded
Me: “As much as I am into love of my life and fairytales because my parents are
just an inspiration but for now I am enjoying things not being too dramatic or
emotional.”
Emma: “You are saying that because Vhafuwi is passing through town.” Yeah she
called my boyfriend Vhafuwi because he was Venda. Emma needed help guys.
Thingo: “And the dick game she is forever talking about.”
Me: "Guys shh!" We laughed. We were just too loud and my brother needed to
respect me.
Ndalo: “I think we should go to Soweto now.”
Emma: “Thank God I took a cab.” We all got into Thingo’s car to Vilakazi Street.
My brother knew his thing we took pictures at a kota joint and a chisanyama
Thingo was insisting on and we later drove home and Emma took a cab back to
Pretoria. I was in my room texting the man and listening to music when Ndalo
barged in and locked.
Me: “haibo you are locking? Why?”
Ndalo: “I need to pick your brain for a minute.” I nodded “I think I am in love.” I
sat up, I needed to hear this. But he was a 17 year old of course he was into girls
Me: “Are you a virgin?” he laughed at me “Uhlekan(why are you laughing)?”
Ndalo: “Of course not, I lost my virginity when I was 13.” I was so shook, this kid
“My problem now is the fact that we are kinda related with this girl”
Me: “I cant help if you talk in riddles Ndalwenhle.” I was just being nosy, it
sounded juicy.
Ndalo: “Fine.” He sighed “Its Thando.”
Me: “As in Thando Khumalo?” he nodded with a smile “You know they are coming
this weekend right?”
Ndalo: “I know how to act around her relax. Plus she is Sasa’s best friend which
means she always at the house. I love her sis and not just to fuck with her you
know.”
Me: “I don’t think the parents will agree to this. We are family.”
Ndalo: “I know that. Have you seen how beautiful she has become?” She said with
a smile showing his dimples. I didn’t know what to say to him but in all honesty I
didn’t see the problem, we weren’t blood related
Me: “She has always been her mother’s daughter.” He was still smiling Mam
Mbali was a pretty woman and her daughter looked just like her. Thando was
Lunathi’s younger sister by the way “Do you want me to fish for you?” I was liking
this actually
Ndalo: “Please sis. If I pursue this, I need to know that she is willing to fight the
parents with me.” I am already foreseeing the drama from the dads
Me: “Are you that serious about her?”
Ndalo: “I fell in love with her when we went to the grade 10 dance together.
That’s was last year I think. And I have never been myself since but she sees me as
a brother.”
Me: “I will test the water for you.” He nodded and we carried on talking. Ndalo
and I were close just like Simo, you’d think they’d be close with the boys but no,
they weren’t obvious. Later in the evening KZN landed including the parents it
was a full house. They bought take aways and everything and we had dinner. They
missed us apparently but they were there the past weekend, I wasn't complaining
though, I loved the attention.
Me: “Khona, you are such a stranger? You good?” we hugged he was bab Siya son
“Wheres Kwande?” that was his brother. We grew up together with these guys
because of our dads
Khona: “His mother’s side.” I nodded. “But Kwazi and Mthoko are here, I think
they are with Lakhe on the patio.” I nodded. Uncle Que’s daughter, Layla was also
married so she wasn’t there. We had our dinner and cleaned up after
Bab' Que: "Nathan has been arrested, we need to leave!!"
Mommys: "What???" We were all shocked. Nathan was our cool big brother.
Baba: "Lets go!!" The dads stood up.
Mamazi: "Keep us posted Qwabe. I'll call Azande and see if she's fine." According
to Sasa because we gossiped with my sister, Azande was Nathan's girlfriend. She
came over for beach day. I was yet to meet her.
Bab' Lungelo: "We'll see you at the hotel."
Me: "Maybe I should come with, I am soon to be a lawyer and I need to practice."
They laughed at me and I wasnt joking.
Baba: "Not today princess." He opened his arms for me "I missed you.” I loved this
man guys. He was my hero. I wasn’t lying when I told Thingo that I was okay with
not knowing my real parents
Me: “I missed you too babami.” We still hugging “I will see you tomorrow and
we’ll do our thing.”
Baba: “Of course. Lalani ke your mothers planned big things for this weekend.” I
nodded as they got into the cars. The mommies got ready to go to the hotel
Thando: “Mama I am staying here.”
Mam’ Mbali: “I am guessing everyone is staying?” we all nodded
Mamazi: “Okay babies. Come to the hotel for breakfast. And I am taking Sbonga
with me.” I nodded. Sbonga was already glued to my mother’s hip. Ndalo was
right Sbonga loved girls
Mam’ Sthembi: “See you in the morning babies.” We hugged all of them and they
left. I slept with the girls, we bonded over everything and anything and we later
slept.
======
Me: “So tell me what do you think of the triplets?” My fishing expidicton had
started “I am writing an essay and they are my siblings and I love them too much
to write bad things.”
Thando: “I don’t know. Elihle is the best problem I have ever seen but she is my
girl. The boys she shared womb with, I don’t know hay. Malo is an ass, he thinks
the world revolves around him mxm! But he is cool too.”
Me: “And Ndalo?” she smiled. Oh no!
Thando: “He is nothing like Elihle or Malo. He too chilled and has dimples.”
Really?
Me: “All the triplets have dimples” I said with a bored expression
Thando: “Well Ndalo’s matter most and if you tell him that I will deny it plus no
one will believe you ,we are family.” We laughed.
Me: “Haibo Nothando Khumalo. Uthini kimi, you like my brother don’t you?” she
smiled and it was the sweetest smile. I understood my brother’s obsession
Thando: “Please don’t tell anyone sisi. Lunathi will kill me plus the family will
fight.” How was she Sasa’s best friend they were too different.
Me: “Its just a crush it will pass.” I wanted to know what her response was
Thando: “Sisi I love him. Since we were 14, and when he asked me to the dance
last year I thought maybe he’ll make his move but instead he was a gentleman the
whole night which made me love him even more.” Do I play cupid or do I let love
pass them by? They loved each other it was so cute all of a sudden I wanted to be
in love.
Me: “Do you have a boyfriend right now?”
Thando: “Yeah I do but he just wants sex and I want to wait until I am married.”
That was so cute, my brother was a lucky guy “So I am going to end things and
focus on school until I find someone who understands me.” she was so mature, I
was proud of her. Thando was so much like her mother, the way she carried
herself and they way she spoke it was of a lady. Like I said how was she best
friends with my sister? Because Sasa was a bit on the bitchy and mean side of life.
Me: “That’s good babe. Focus on school until the right guy comes.” After some
time people started waking up and we went to get cleaned up and dressed up for
breakfast.
Sasa: “Id really like to divorce my brothers Hlehle so as my lawyer draw up the
paper work.” The rest of us laughed so much. It was just us girls in the car. The
boys separated themselves amongst Lunathi and Alime’s car. “I am serious. Over
the course of 3 years they have managed to alienate me from 5 of my friends. I
literally have no friends at school.”
Kwazi: “Have you once thought that maybe they were never your friends, they
only befriended you to get closer to your brothers?”
Sasa: “What? That’s low, I am an awesome friend to have, tell them Thando.” See
what I mean, she was just like the brothers she wanted to divorce, self-centered.
Thando: “You know you drive me crazy with your drama Elihle but I love you so I
suck it up!” we laughed again. We went in the hotel and the parents were already
in the dinning hall.
Sasa: “That’s why you’re a keeper, you too much of a lady to find interest in the
Gumede idiots.” Thando and I looked each other and she blushed. We dished up
after hugging the parents. After breakfast the boys left with dads and we took
Sbonga and Mcebo to bounce with the girls
Sasa: “Mam Mpume you didn’t come with us yesterday.”
Mam Mpume: “Your brother was throwing tantrums to a point that we missed
our flight.”
Me: “What? Mcebo is such a sweety though.” He was playing with Thando on the
trampoline. Mcebo was a safe haven baby somewhere in the Eastern Cape and
bab' Mnqobi and Mam Mpume adopted him a year after Sbonga was born so they
were quite close.
Mam Mpume: “Mxm!! He is a monster.” We all laughed. It was weird that they
adopted at their age. My son played and was enjoying himself together with his
uncle. Later we had a picnic at Delta Park in Randburg over music and
conversation we closed the day with a braai in the evening. The following day
those who their spirit allowed them went to church it was mostly us girls because
my brothers needed a night vigil.
Ndalo: “So?” let me make him sweat kancane.
Me: “Hayi bhuti its not you.”
Ndalo: “Whhat?” he was really confused “Hlehle what am I supposed to do with
these feelings?” He looked at me expecting an answer “Please don’t tell me to
shut them down because I tried and failed. Ngyaythanda leya ntokazi Hlehle.” He
really did love her, his face said it. It was the face baba had when he spoke to
mamazi on the phone.
Me: “Are ready for what’s coming, the parents won't agree to this? Thando is
such a good person Ndalo and you are just like your brothers, maybe better but
same boat.”
Ndalo: “I know that and I am nothing like Simo or Ntokomalo.” He said with a
straight face. “She is such a lady and she deserves the best and I will take care of
her.” He shook his head and smiled “I was thinking maybe I just make my move
and see where it goes. We might not even be compatable.”
Me: “Mmmh”
Ndalo: “She really doesn’t like me?” he didn't believe me.
Me: “You a guy, you can handle rejection. So go to her with an open mind.”
Ndalo: “I have never really asked a girl out you know. I always ask for their
number and they do the rest. They suggest movies and whatever.” I laughed he
was his father’s son. All tall, dark and handsome like my mother would say.
Me: “You are going to have to work for this one because you’ve had her number
for the longest time.”
Ndalo: “Mxm!!” I was really enjoying this love story and it hadn’t even began. I
didn’t want to ruin my brother’s expectations, I wanted it to play out the way it
should. I went to find my daddy for our ice cream date.
Me: “Baba, Thingo needs help finding her father.”
Baba: “Okay. What does she have that we can work with?”
Me: “She has a name and surname. Baba she is going through a lot and she is too
proud to admit it. So please counsel her like you do for me because I cant relate
to whats she’s going through.”
Baba: “Okay. When are you guys not busy so I can make time?”
Me: “I will text you and tell you when she is available.” He nodded “On other
news the conversation I had with her led me to thinking about Sbonga’s future.”
Baba: “With regards to?”
Me: “His father.” He nodded “Angaz Gumede I am still so angry at him but Sbonga
deserves the best and he deserves a relationship with him. I know he said we are
dead to him but Sbonga does exist and I want him to know that.”
Baba: “That’s so mature of you MaMnguni. But whatever you do don’t confuse
Sbonga, right now all he knows are you and his uncles and that is normal to him.”
He was right “I don’t trust Melisizwe so let it be a discussion between you two
first before you involve Sbonga.” I nodded
Me: “I am not ready to face him baba.”
Baba: “You don’t have to face him right now. The King is still young but you need
to get prepared.” I nodded “So tell me are you moving back home after this
degree or are you staying here?”
Me: “I am staying baba. I got an internship at the doj.” He nodded with a smile
Baba: “I am really proud of you.”
Me: “Please be proud of me when I actually graduate.” After our ice cream date I
drove us back home and they left for Durban. Nathan was still in jail but uncle
Que was pulling some strings.

»28«
NATHAN
Chance: "Are you sure about this Nathan?"
Me: "Its the only way Chance. If Bongani testifies we all go down. We need to
protect Hlanga and Nqobani from this mess. We still need them working for the
UN." We had to distance them from this mess.
Chance: "I know. So do you trust this Lwando guy, what's his story?"
Me: "Lwando was one of my guys, I started working with him way before Ndu.
When I took over the operations we both decided it was best he joins the police
force and be my eyes and ears."
Chance: "So we can trust him?"
Me: "Of course."
Chance: "Okay Bongani is in Boksburg Correctional Services."
Me: "Okay I'll talk to Lwando so he can make sure I get booked in that prison."
Chance: "Nathan this is too much of a risk. We were going to find another way."
Me: "Chance our operations are down since we can't communicate through our
private network. Until this is sorted it can't be business as usual and taking the
Nigerians out."
Chance: "I am aware of all of that Nathan but I feel you taking Bongani out is too
much of a risk."
Me: "A risk I am willing to take Thuba. Plus I have nothing to lose now." Yeah
Azande flew back to Joburg without talking to me. I didn't do anything wrong,
Ningi knew what she did was crazy but I couldn't erase it either. Azande wasn't
seeing my efforts and commitment, she was just waiting for me to fuck up. Life
was better when I was a loner, I knew how my day will start and end. When you
share a life with someone things got complicated. "Chance you can't tell anyone
about this. It has to look real."
Chance: "Okay. I guess I'll see you when Bongani's dead?"
Me: "Of course."
======
Detective: "Nathan Pierce you are under arrest for in connection with drug
trafficking with an intent to distribute. You have a right.."
Ndu: "What the fuck? Based on what evidence."
Me: "I am exercising my right to remain silent. Ndu relax, we'll sort this out."
They cuffed me
Ndu: "What should I do Nathan?"
Me: "Nothing, just sit tight." I got in the police car and we left. We got to the
police station and Lwando booked me in.
Lwando: "Give us the room Mxolisi."
Mxolisi: "But detective ..."
Lwando: "Give me the room with the suspect Mxolisi." He had a lot of questions
but Lwando held a higher rank than him so he left
"Peirce what you doing is something else. Anyway your ride to Boksburg will
come in 2 hours. Nathan you have 3 days and I am getting you out of there."
Me: "All I need is a day. Are we in the same cell block?"
Lwando: "How the fuck am I supposed to know. I got you in, the rest is on you."
Me: "Okay." Mxolisi came back followed by the old timers. What were they doing
here. They were ruining the plan.
Que: "Nathan what's happening?"
Mnqobi: "Since when are you so reckless, the charges against you are serious."
Phelo: "..." he just shook his head.
Me: "I love that you care this much, Ndu was supposed to shut his mouth." I
looked at him I" got myself arrested on purpose. One of my guys turned state's
witness and they are hiding him in the prison in Boksburg."
Ndu: "You didn't tell me Nathan, that'd an insane plan."
Me: "Exactly why I didn't tell you."
Siya: "So what's your plan?"
Me: "He can't testify Big man so I have to find him somehow and take him out
and my inside man gave me 3 days. So please leave, my ride is almost here."
Phelo: "Are you sure about this, couldn't you find another way?"
Me: "There was no time to think of a proper plan. The state is building a solid case
as we speak."
Lungelo: "Umakoti is outside, crying."
Me: "What? You told her, why?"
Phelo: "Your mothers, they wanted to check up on her, they thought she knew."
Me: "Fine bring her in." They left the room and she came in. She was as beautiful
as I know her to be. She had been crying, her red eyes were evident.
Azande: "Nathan what did you do. Mxolisi told me you sell drugs." Really?
Me: "How do you know Mxolisi Azande?"
Azande: "He's my ex Nathan." Wow! So I am paying for that idiot.
Me: "You shouldn't have come here Azande. You didn't call me, instead you flew
back here."
Azande: "Nathan you didn't give me the assurances that I needed to stay."
Me: "Azande I am doing the best I can. I am loving you the best way I can. If I am
failing to love you the way you need to be loved then say it and I'll change."
Azande: "I need you to be patient with me Nathan. I know I overreacted that
night. I am in a relationship with you so its you I should hear out."
Me: "Baby I have been dying without you, you promised not to hurt me and you
did by not calling me."
Azande: "I am sorry. I love you Nathan." I kissed her hands.
Me: "I love you too and I missed you."
Azande: "I missed you too. Nathan why are you here?"
Me: "Its just a misunderstanding baby. The old men are going to fix it."
Azande: "Stop lying Nathan Mxolisi told me to stay away from you because you
are a dangerous man." Wow!
Me: "Who are you going to believe, your man or your jealous ex who is clearly not
over you." I looked at her waiting for an answer
Azande: "You have a point. I really hope you telling me the truth Nathan or I'll
leave you and take your baby with me." What baby?
Me: "What baby? Azande are you pregnant." I stood up. Lwando came in
disturbing my moment
Azande: "Yes. I wanted to go with you to my first doctor's appointment." We were
both smiling "Nathan we are going to be parents." She was teary and excited and I
couldn't hide the smile on my face.
Me: "Baby I am going to get out of this and we'll plan the best life for our baby. I
promise you." I kissed her "I love you Azande."
Azande: "I love you too Nathan. Come back."
Me: "I will mama wezingane zam." I kissed her again "I promise." Lwando took me
to the correctional services truck that was taking us to Boksburg prison. Bongani
was dying for sure. I was even motivated by the fact that my woman was back
and she was carrying my seed. I needed to go back to them so we could be a
family.
NQOBANI
Me: "Palesa I don't have the time to just seat at some beach somewhere. Kahle
kahle angfuni(In all honesty I don't want to). I just don't see the point of it all."
She laughed
Palesa: "Baby you are so boring waitse. We are a couple we should be exploring
the world together and making memories while we still young so when the kids
come, we've done it all." Her and I having a child had been popping up a lot.
Me: "Fine I guess a weekend won't hurt." Palesa didn't understand how busy I
was. With the gang and working for the UN not forgetting that I was a business
man and since I benched Mimi I had to help Keith, it was a lot of work
Palesa: "You promised to make it up to me after leaving me hanging for the pop
up party." I did leave her hanging "So we are going for a week."
Me: "Okay, where are we going?"
Palesa: "Between Bali and Bangkok, you have to choose for us because I like
both."
Me: "Okay, pass me my tablet." She did and we started comparing which one
sounded more fun. I was only doing this because she had been so understanding
about Njabulo. "Bali sounds better."
Palesa: "Yay!! Should I call the travel agency and make bookings for next week."
Me: "Let me sort out the car and house thing for Mimi and Njabulo then we'll pick
a week to go." Her excitement died down and I failed to understand why
Palesa: "Baby Mimi doesn't need you buying a house and a car, she already works
for you."
Me: "Taking care of Mimi is me taking care of Njabulo as well. You are right she
doesn't need me buying all these things for her but she deserves them. I don't
want to talk about this anymore Palesa." I stood up from the couch and I went to
find my car keys.
Palesa: "Baby I didn't mean to upset you, its just that I feel you doing more than
you should and somehow in the process you sacrifice your own happiness for
Mimi."
Me: "Its for my son Palesa. And if I have to walk around naked just for him to be
comfortable so be it. Need I remind you, this holiday is your idea not mine so
who's happiness are we really talking about?" This woman was selfish man!
Palesa: "Baby I am sorry."
Me: "Palesa you don't even care about my son, you are always trying to make his
mother look like a bad person, whereas she's doing everything I asked her to, like
respecting the fact that we are together. When are you doing your part and
actually caring about what I care about?"
Palesa: "Clive that's not true."
Me: "Palesa you haven't even asked how he was since you got here, I know you
visiting would be a stretch but asking about his wellbeing, is that too much to
ask?"
Palesa: "You are right. Baby I kinda feel like I am competing le Mimi."
Me: "Did I not promise to not let things change?" She couldn't answer "Instead
you are changing Pali, now I am asking is our relationship even worth it because
Mimi and Njabulo aren't going anywhere. So if you are competing with them you
won't win."
I went to the door
Palesa: "Where are you going?"
Me: "To see my son."
Palesa: "Okay I am coming le wena."
Me: "No you not. You are staying here and rethinking your life." I left. I didn't
trust Palesa around Njabulo, it was a gut feeling I had since the results came out. I
went to the warehouse and it seemed as though it was meeting I wasn't invited to
"My phone has no missed calls."
Chance: "That's because we didn't call you."
Me: "What are you discussing?"
Hlanga: "Nothing actually. Since the network is down all operations are on stand
still." It was fucked up what Bongani did
Me: "My police contact hasn't gotten back to me either."
Nathan: "Here I was thinking you came with good news."
Chance: "My guy will come through, he just needs time." We all nodded
Me: "I came to check on Mimi's car." They were installing extra security features
and adding it to the gang's gps system. It had to be done Chance's wife together
with Thingo had it now Mimi as well.
Chance: "Its done." Sam came in
Sam: "Grootboom" that was my gang name now I felt because everyone called
me that. We fist bumped. "Your ride is ready." She handed me the keys
Me: "Thanks babe." I laughed, she hated being referred as girl
Sam: "Fuck you!" We laughed
Hlanga: "Range Rover Velar yeses Bhungane! I want to be your baby mama."
Chance: "That makes the two of us. Mimi's vagina is worth a million right now."
These people were too much
Nathan: "Why are you forgetting the 5.5 million house that we are currently
making sure is safe for Njabulo." They were making fun of my paranoia. I wanted
the best for my son and I wasnt ashamed of it. Yes I spent that much money on
them. Being part a gang especially Nathan and Chance's gang you got paid serious
money. Their clients paid them hefty money because of the risk they took.
Me: "My son is getting the best, this is not about Mimi's vagina!" We laughed
Nathan: "I get it Grootboom. If Azande makes me a father I am moving her to a
private island straight." We laughed again
Chance: "So are you saying I didn't do enough for my wife and kid?"
Me: "You decided to put a price tag on this."
Hlanga: "I am just sitting here jotting down ideas. I think Nathan's idea makes
sense." These people were crazy
Me: "But we all know why Hlanga is moving his wife to a private island and its not
about her safety." Jealousy!
Hlanga: "Voetsek Nqobani!" We carried on joking around about things would do
for our wives, girlfriends and baby mamas
Sam: "All of you are crazy."
Nathan: "Are you telling me you wouldn't do this for Melissa's safety?" That was
her girlfriend by way
Sam: "Nope. Melissa is too naive, she's staying at her parents house forever. She
still believes I am a kick-boxing instructor and she's never asked how much I make
either so she'll definitely not understand my job."
Chance: "A relationship built on lies doesn't survive Sam. Take this gang for
example, we at the verge of failing because we trusted blindly. You need to tell
your partners the truth so that when dark, really dark days come they are on your
side and not you probably losing everything including them." He was making
sense
Hlanga: "I want to tell Siphosethu the truth but she's not ready."
Nathan: "Azande doesn't even trust me as his boyfriend, will she trust me as
Nathan the criminal? I highly doubt that."
Me: "I don't even trust Palesa around my son. So I don't think I'll ever tell her
about this."
Nathan: "You are right not to trust her. Your situation is messy and you should
trade carefully." I nodded, he was right. As much as we had promised things to
each other with Palesa that was still in theory but living under the circumstances
was something else. I asked Sam and one of the guys to drive the car to the new
house and I drove to check up on them. I found them sleeping, yes I had my own
set of keys. We had a huge fight about it with Mimi but she wasn't going to win,
things had to be my way. Mimi was sleeping naked, she needed to wake up and
get dressed because I was turned on. I shook her
Mimi: "Take your son and leave me alone Clive." She sounded pissed. I chuckled
and took him and that woke him up.
Me: "Look who's up." He started crying. I hushed him until he started to fall
asleep again. I knew how to handle him now. He slept in my arms while I watched
tv. Palesa called
Me: "Talk." I was still mad at her.
Palesa: "Baby I am sorry. When you get home we'll talk more about me being a
better girlfriend."
Me: "Palesa no one is forcing you to do anything. If you find the situation
uncomfortable for you, I'll understand."
Palesa: "Its not that I am uncomfortable baby, you are right I haven't been trying.
And I want to try and make the situation work."
Me: "That's all I want to hear. I'll see you when I am done spending time with
Njabulo."
Palesa: "How is he doing?" She was trying I guess
Me: "He's fine, just sleeping."
Palesa: "Okay I'd like to see him before I leave." That wasn't happening.
Me: "I'll talk to Mimi."
Palesa: "Okay. Let me leave you to your bonding."
Me: "Sharp." I hung up and Mimi was up "Hey"
Mimi: "Clive." She went to drink water. She was went to drink water. She was
wearing shorts and a top now. Mimi had a hot body man, she did have a dancer's
body. She went back to the room. She usually maked conversation on a normal
day.
Me: "Mimi are you not talking to me now?"
Mimi: "You're here for your son Clive. Please bond and leave me out of it." She
was in a mood.
Me: "What's your problem Mimi, huh?" I was getting pissed because she was
being childish. "You need to get over yourself."
Mimi: "Leave me alone Clive. I am not in a good mood." She started crying. A
woman's tears made me uneasy.
Me: "Let's go for a drive, maybe it will get you in a better mood."
Mimi: "Nothing will get me in a better mood right now than being left alone."
Me: "Let me at least try. I don't like it when my baby mama is in a bad." She just
looked at me "I am not taking no for an answer."
Mimi: "You are such a bully man Clive." She took her phone, I laughed as we went
to the living room "Where are you taking me?"
Me: "You'll see." She took Njabulo's backpack and took him from the couch while
I took the car seat. After strapping my son we left. "So what got you in a sour
mood?"
Mimi: "My parents want to meet Njabulo. After disowning me for 9 years."
Me: "Don't you want to fix things with them?"
Mimi: "Clive they just gave up on me and left me in the streets just because I
didn't have my shit together, I was young for fucks sakes I didn't know any better.
Now that I am trying to find my way, they want to come back. Its not fair and all I
know I'd never disown Njabulo for whatever reason."
Me: "Hear them out Mimi and then decide. Njabulo has grandparents from your
side, he'll never know mine."
Mimi: "I am not interested Clive. Where are you taking me anyway?" She wasn't
calming down they way I had planned. I honestly didn't know what to say because
I didn't relate. I also didn't understand why a parent would disown their child.
Me: "We almost there. You not interested I get that. What if they see their
mistake and want to apologize. And don't tell me its too late."
Mimi: "I don't want to talk about this Clive. All I need now is me and my son
because I am angry at Mamello for telling them about my life. If they cared they
should have reached out over the years." We got to the house and I parked
outside the gate. We couldn't enter until she was fine.
Me: "You don't have to overwhelm yourself now Mimi. Think about this, people
deserve 2nd chances."
Mimi: "I don't need to say that about my parents Clive. They bought me to this
earth, not that I asked to. Now that I am a mother I understand how much they
failed me." There was no talking her into considering seeing her parents.
Me: "Okay. I am really sorry about your parents."
Mimi: "I am okay. Why are we here again?"
Me: "Good question. I bought you guys this house." I pressed the remote and the
gate opened
Mimi: "What?? Clive bathong!" She screamed and she was smiling "This house is
amazing." She jumped out the car and kept admiring it. "Can I go inside?"
Me: "Of course, here are your keys and the alarm code is Njabulo."
Mimi: "Of course it is." She took the keys from me and ran inside while I took a
now crying Njabulo.
Me: "Thula phela Njabulo ka baba." He cried even louder. We went to find his
mother "I guessing you love it?"
Mimi: "Of course I love it but Clive this is too much for just me and him. It looks
expensive, we could've saved the money for future expenses."
Me: "The future will take care of itself Mimi. This is a safe neighborhood for the
both of you. Please feed my son."
Mimi: "His food is in the bag." I took care of that. We were really doing this co-
parenting thing and I am glad we didn't have drama, instead it was my girlfriend
with drama.
Me: "I have one last thing to show you then we'll have you guys move in as soon
as you buy furniture for the house."
Mimi: "Thank you so much baby daddy."
Me: "You welcome baby mama." We laughed and we went to the garage "Here
you go."
Mimi: "A car? A Range Rover for that matter. Thank you, Thank you baby daddy!"
She came and hugged me and kissed my lips and carried on checking the car out.
"This is amazing. I like the color as well." I was still on the kiss. Was wrong of me
to want more? "Little soldier your daddy is, daddy of the year." She seemed
happy about the car, was she over the kiss? My son said something I didn't
understand "Yes he is. Nna le wena we are going places." Clearly they understood
each other with his mother because he sounded like he was answering. It was the
cutest thing. Njabulo meant the world to me. I couldn't imagine life without him.
"Thank you once again Mthimkulu, Hadebe, Bhungane." I found myself smiling.
Me: "You are welcome MaSelepe. As they say A happy baby mama is a happy
baby daddy." We laughed
Mimi: "There is no such and you know it."
Me: "Well it should be a saying because it makes sense." We were still laughing "I
didnt know you know my clan names?"
Mimi: "You always recite them when you hush Njabulo and he seems to calm
down when you do. So I had to learn because he can be dramatic at times."
Me: "My son is not dramatic."
Mimi: "I am not going to get into this with you. Its time we head back. I need to
give him a bath."
Me: "Okay." I locked up and we left.
Mimi: "Thank you for cheering me up, I wasn't expecting a house and a car but it
did the job."
Me: "What were you expecting kanti?"
Mimi: "You driving us to have ice cream or something, like in the movies."
Me: "Sorry to disappoint baby mama."
Mimi: "Are you kidding me, I am the opposite of disappointed." She laughed
Me: "Mimi you kissed me." I had been holding on to it.
Mimi: "I was hoping we'll forget about that. I was happy and excited, I got carried
away. I am sorry, I was out of line."
Me: "Don't beat yourself about it. I liked it."
Mimi: "I liked it too." we looked at each other and smiled and I looked back on the
road. Mimi was making me rethink my choices.

NARRATED
It was a chill session something that was usual in that house, it didn't matter what
day of the week it was.
Guy1: "My Prince." They laughed
Guy3: "Fuck you man!!"
Guy2: "Mbusi you are a prince and you need to accept that." Mbusi hated that
part about his blood, he just felt people treated him differently once they knew
that he was next in line as inkosi of the Nxumalo tribe. While they took sips of
their drinks the rest of their crew together with Mbusi's brother Ntsika walked in
with more alcohol.
Mbusi: "Ntsikayozwide" they bro hugged.
Ntsika: "We need to head home. Inkosi has summoned us."
Mbusi: "Thats not good." It was never good when the boys were summoned
home. Everytime it happened, there was always a death in the family.
Ntsika: "We leave in the morning." They carried on drinking and sharing jokes.
Girl1: "So you are not promised to anyone?" The group was grilling Mbusi about
royal traditions, Mbusi felt she was too forward.
Mbusi: "I am but I really don't want to talk about this guys." He hated it because
his life has never been his.
Guy2: "One last question, how do I go about it if I wanna marry the princess? Do I
have to be royalty as well?" Ntsika and Mbusi laughed
Ntsika: "Mandla we've known you since we got to Joburg, you know for a fact that
we don't have a sister."
Girl4: "Are you sure because I swear Thato and I saw a girl that looked a lot like
you two." She pointed at the brothers.
Mbusi: "We are 100% sure. Our father has 3 wives who all gave him sons." Yeah
they were 7 boys born to inkosi Phathisizwe Nxumalo.
Ntsika: "The conversation is over." The chill session got fun as the alcohol invaded
their system together with the music.
======
Woman1: "Good you boys are here." She was inkosi's 3rd wife MaMdletshe
Boys: "Ninjani ma?"
Woman1: "Things are not good boys. Your father is not sleeping well, he keeps
having the same dream of a crying baby." The boys got worried and went straight
to the throne room.
Boys: "Zwide kaLanga!" They bowed down for inkosi.
Inkosi: "You're back." He stood up from his chair "The city has changed you, you
look skinny man. Mbusiwezwe how will you rule Umzinyathi if you have no meat
in your body."
Mbusi: "Hawu baba."
Inkosi: "MaDlamini feed my sons please." The second wife did as instructed. "I
called you here because Nyawo said I should. He'll be here at dusk." Nyawo was
the royal healer, inkosi trusted him very much. The boys and inkosi sat down
under a tree while they ate a cow head with pap, it was their favorite and they
wives always had it ready for them. The talked about Mbusiwezwe taking over
and how he should finish his studies so he can learn from his father. Eventually
Nyawo the healer came
Nyawo: "Nkosi yomzinyathi." He bowed down "Zwide kaLanga. Ndwandwe!!"
Inkosi: "Nyawo omkhulu."
Nyawo: "Nkosi yam. Your sins are catching up with you." Inkosi's face changed
Inkosi: "What sins Nyawo? I did everything the ancestors told me to." He shouted
Nyawo: "I am only a messenger nkosi yam. The ancestors are not happy, your
ruling has people dissatisfied." Nyawo made healer noises
Inkosi: "I am doing the best I can."
Nyawo: "Your dream has been revealed nkosi yam, the princess is crying for you."
All the boys looked at inkosi
Mbusi: "What princess Nyawo?" This was a shocker to everyone in the room.
Even the younger sons.
Nyawo: "I am only a messenger." He stood up and gathered his things and left.
Ntsika: "Baba what princess was Nyawo talking about?"
Inkosi: "I also don't know." His thoughts stole him. He thought of how reckless he
was when he was young and sowing his wild oats "unless..." he stood up and left
the boys. He went to his office and called a private investigator friend of his, if he
had a princess he wanted to find her as soon has possible.

»29«
THINGO
Hlanga: “You look beautiful.”
Me: “Thank you.” I was getting ready to go meet up with Baba. Hlelo’s parents
were good people and I had considered them my parents as well because Emma
did and there were no complains. I was in a maroon crop top and black skinny
jeans and puma creepers
Hlanga: "Thingo lwam we've become roommates and I hate that."
Me: "Baby you are never home and I know you in the country because your
passport is here. Hlanga you haven't changed and that makes me trust you even
less because you say this and you do the opposite." He wasn't helping with what I
was dealing with.
Hlanga: "I am a businessman Siphosethu you know that. Just because I am in the
country doesn't mean I am not working." He was getting agitated.
Me: "Since the Banele incident Nyambose you've stopped communicating. I don't
know what to think." He came closer and kissed my neck from the back. "I missed
your touch Nyambose." I really did.
Hlanga: "I'll do better mfaz wam, I promise." I turned and wrapped my arms
around his neck "Ngyakthanda Siphosam" I giggled
Me: "I love you even more." We kissed, it felt really good and my husband was
getting carried away
Hlanga: "I have to mess this body up now." He said holding on to my waist.
Me: "Hayi Hlangalezwe Lucky and I worked really hard to get me this body."
Hlanga: "Lucky is too comfortable around you now, I don't like it." He was jealous
of every man I came to contact with for some fucked up reason I liked it.
Me: "I have a study session baby, I need to go." I looked at him, I was actually
worried about him "Baby you need to talk to your sister, she needs you.
Hlangalezwe you need to let go of the past and move on.” He nodded “Let me go,
I will see you later.”
Hlanga: “I am taking you out later, you look too good for indoors.” I nodded with
excitement. I took my handbag and I left for Hlelo's house.
Hlelo: “Hey ‘Bow. You look good” we hugged “Lapho I am in my rags.”She was in
Thendo’s SRC t-shirt and pj pants.
Me: “You are indoors why would you dress up.”
Hlelo: “You have a point. Baba is in the lounge and I will be in my room.” I nodded
and I made my way the lounge
Baba: “Thingo lwenkosazane.” He opened his arms for a hug.
Me: “How you doing daddy?” we hugged and I sat down. He always smell good
just like his wife
Baba: “Ngyaphila ntomb yam. Khuluma no baba kwenze njan and I want you to
know that you are a daughter kwa Gumede and we’ll never judge you.” I nodded
funny thing though I wasn’t nervous but I was scared of the outcome.
Me: “I want to find my father.”
Baba: “First of all Thingo where is your husband?” he gave me questioning look
“You are not like other girls, what affects you affects him.”
Me: “I know baba but I wanted to do this alone. He has seen me through a lot and
I am grateful but this I need it to be just me. My reasons being a while ago he
made me realise that I am punishing him for my father’s sins. So I need this so him
and I can be fine.”
Baba: “Okay I hear you and when you put it like that I understand.”
Me: “Thank you.”
Baba: “The step you are taking is a big and a very brave step. it will solve half of
your problems trust me I know.” I looked at him with the what look “I only
reunited with my father when I was a 40 year old man and he had been trying to
reach to me with me rejecting him. When I finally gave in it turned out be the best
thing I ever did because he taught me a lot even at that age I was in.”
Me: “Wow okay.”
Baba: “But prepare yourself. We don’t know what we are going to find there and I
want you to know that you are not alone. Whatever you come across we’ll be
with you.”
Me: “Ngyabonga baba.” We carried on talking about my expectations and all
those things to make the search a little bit easier. Hlelo and her siblings were
lucky to have been raised by such remarkable people. Those people value the
essence of family and what it stands for and they were very involved parents. I
used to hear Alime’s conversations with his mother. They spoke about everything
and Hlelo told me the same thing. The funny thing was though they were really
scared of them because they were strict parents. Nothing was strict to me about
these people. Than couple side of Mamazi and Baba. Hlanga and I were going to
be them sorry Connie and Shona. Baba calls his wife every chance he gets just to
talk sometimes they just keep quiet but it hardly happens because mamazi never
shuts up but you actually don’t want her to because her stories are so funny.
Mamazi is a spoilt wife not money but attention whereas Baba is the king of the
house. His wife respects him, acknowledges him but mostly they are best friends,
I needed that. I gave him all the information Uncle Sthelo gave me about my
father and he said he’ll keep in touch. Hlelo and I studied a little bit but I was
promised a date so I didn’t stay long. I got home and he was already dressed in his
semi formal shirt and chinos and loafers.
Me: “let me change my shoes and maybe my top.”
Hlanga: “No baby you fine. I like you like this.”
Me: “Hlanga you like me in everything even in your baggy clothes.” He chuckled
“Fine I will just change my shoes.” I put on my black strapped heels and we left.
We went to Tashas and my man hardly ate. He was too much of a Zulu man. I
looked too good for place with a play area sorry so he had to suck it up. After the
late lunch we watched a movie and cinnabon I was still obsessed. While we were
strolling down the mall being all lovey dovey with my husband. Some ugly ass girl,
dressed to kill made her way to my beast. This I had to see
Hlanga: “Sino.”
Sino: “Hey Hlanga.” My crazy husband pulled me away from the girl and we went
to the car. He was a bit tense. It was obvious they had history to what extent I
didn’t want to know
Hlanga: “Baby it was a long …”
Me: “I don’t want to hear it Hlangalezwe. We are starting over angith?” he
nodded, I wanted Hlanga and I to workout.
Hlanga: “Baby I am yours.”
Me: “Okay. Take us home”
Hlanga: “Ngisho phela mama.” I laughed, he loved himself too much sometimes.
Me: “Nyambose.”
Hlanga: “Suka madoda!!! Ngyakthanda man KaMfeka.” I was still laughing and he
had the cutest smile. Our son had to look like him or I am denying him. He drove
us back home and ordered kfc the minute we got there “That wasn’t food they
were serving there. It was a waste of money nje.” It was best not to argue with
him.
======
Me: “So tell me about this Lunathi fella.” I was really interested not in that way
but I had eyes and he was good looking. All caramel skin and china eyes not
forgetting his body. To him it was natural, he didn’t need gym. He was a hot fuck
boy I am sorry and if I wasn’t married maybe a minute or two would’ve worked
out.
Hlelo: “Don’t do that to yourself. Plus you are married.”
Me: “I know that I wasn’t saying I was going to shag the guy. There is something
about him.” We laughed
Hlelo: “I grew up with him so I wont get excited as you but he is hot. The guy has
serious commitment issues. Tap and go typa guy.” I nodded. Bheka came in and
we did our thing which was push the books. We were at Hlelo’s that Saturday and
I was sleeping over since Hlanga wasn’t home
Bheka: “So I am meeting Landi’s parents this weekend.” my boy had a girlfriend
finally, clap your hands please!
Hlelo: “Is that even okay? Shouldn’t you be taking her to your parents?”
Bheka: “Angithi ninjalo nina 21st century kids. Of course I am not going, that’s
crazy. Indoda yomzulu iyaphi kabo ntombazane ingalobolile(A Zulu man has to go
to the girl's house after lobola).”
Me: “Please don’t bore me with that Zulu crap. She is showing you that she is
ready to take the relationship into next level.”
Bheka: “I don’t think I am Tee. I like Landi, her and I are vibing but such
commitment nope.”
Hlelo: “Landi is always jumping the gun though but I like her for you mpintsh
yam.” We laughed
Me: “I never saw you getting a girlfriend ntwana. Landi type of girl futh” The girl
was too much. I thought my baby doll Hlelo was extra nope, there is worse.
Bheka: “Mxm! I had to grow at some point.” We carried on studying and later the
twins together with Lunathi came back from wherever.
Lakhe: “Man-B.”
Bheka: “Sho- sho.” They did their handshake
Lakhe: “Gugulethu what did you cook?”
Lunathi: “I thought Saturdays were take aways.”
Hlelo: “Not always hawu. ‘Bow is cooking for us bhuti.”
Alime: “Shona khona(go) Thingo lwenkosazane.” They really treated as one of
them. Hlelo respected his brothers and they were just a year older than her.
Me: “What do you guys feel like?”
Alime: “If its in the fridge we feel like it.” I nodded and stood up. I played Jhene
Aiko’s album while cooking beef stew and vege bake with rice.
Lunathi: “Need help?”
Me: “No I am good.” I carried on with the chopping and he went to the sink to
drink water. “Do you mind?” he was on my way and it was on purpose judging by
the cute smirk on his face.
Lunathi: “I do. I am drinking water.” It was best to ignore him “I like your voice,
we should do a cover with Lakhe.” I was interested guys
Me: “That will be great.”
Lunathi: “When you done cooking.” I nodded. He sat down on the counter “I will
just keep you company instead.”
Me: “Jhene is doing a great job.” He chuckled and I was serious.
Lunathi: “You look like some goddess.” I look at him that was wack “You are
weirdly beautiful Thingo. Everything about you is flawless.”
Me: “In the 2 seconds that you have known me? I take the compliment thank
you.”
Lunathi: “I saw you on Ndalo’s Instagram pictures but now that you here I think
they didn’t do justice.” Was he flirting or I was too forward?
Me: “Thank you Lunathi.” He nodded “Whats your surname?”
Lunathi: “Khumalo.” I nodded. I was almost done with cooking “So boyfriend?”
Me: “Husband.”
Lunathi: “What?” I showed him my ring “Lucky son of a bitch.” I laughed “How
long?”
Me: “3 years now.” He looked really disappointed.
Lunathi: “Are you happy?” that was a difficult question to answer. I nodded
convincingly “I guess we’ll stick to being friends than. I really like you.”
Me: “Friends it is.” I looked at him “So no girlfriend?”
Lunathi: “You were my potential but argh you know.” I laughed. He was hot in a
calm way. I was so drawn to him. “You are staring.”
Me: “My bad.” I left him there before I lost my morals. I asked if I should dish up
and everybody was game and I did and we had a late lunch. We were going to
order dinner.
Hlelo: “We chilling indoors today.”
Lunathi: “Lets stock up the fridge than.”
Hlelo: “Thingo and I want champagne and wine. Bheka wena?”
Bheka: “Lakhe knows my poison.”
Lakhe: “Hennessy?” he nodded. We deserved to relax. We had been studying the
whole day.
Alime: “Asamben phela.” We stood up and we went in Bheka and Lunathi’s cars
Hlelo: “Please don’t sell this gusheshe mpintsh.” She really liked it and she was
even driving it. “I am not a car person but le eyam”
Bheka: “I am keeping Black Pearl just for you mpintsh yam.” Yes his car name was
Black Pearl and it was a black gusheshe. We got to Stoneridge centre and Lunathi
was treating us on the alcohol and the Twins were on food together with Bheka.
Hlelo and I were there looking pretty and putting everything in the trolley. We
went back to the house and the drinking started with Nandos and KFC zinger
wings and chips from some joint that Alime knew in Alex. What was he even
doing there?
Lunathi: “Which song do want us to try?”
Me: “From Time.”
Lakhe: “Drake ft Jhene.” I nodded that was my song, I related too much to it.
“Here’s the beat.” And it was good my head started moving involuntarily
Me “Wassup been a minute since we kicked it, you’ve been caught up
With them bitches, I don’t get it, you’re a star love
You shouldn’t have to deal with that, I will never make you feel like that.
Cause I love me, I love me enough for the both of us.
That’s why, you trust me, I know you’ve been through more than most of us.
So what are you? What are you, what are so afraid of?
Darling you, you give but you cannot take love.
Lunathi: “Yeah
This the shit I live for
This the shit I die for
This the shit you cant fake dawg
This the shit you need God for.” we were doing a mash up of From time and The
Weekend's Live for together with girls on drugs
Me: “We go deep and we don’t get no sleep
Cause we be up all night until the early light
We go deep and we don’t get no sleep
Cause we be up all night until the early light
We go deep and we don’t get no sleep
Cause we be up all night until the early light
We go deep and we don’t get no sleep
Cause we be up all night until the early light”
Lakhe: “Girls on drugs
Girls on drugs
Girls on drugs
Oh no, no these women aint serious
Do you know what type of woman I been dealing with?
Try to tell me Adderall make her get a rush
Used to use it to study until she fell in love
Told me that lil buzz just make her think a lot
Told her “Nah you lying, cuz you don’t eat enough”
Nah nah nah
These women aint serious
Lunathi: “Yeah
This the shit I live for
This the shit I die for
This the shit you cant fake dawg
This the shit you need God for.” Everyone in the room clapped. We were in the
zone actually. They were good rappers these boys
Hlelo: “Oh my word guys. You sound so great.”
Bheka: “Damn! Tee I didn’t know you had a voice.”
Me: “mama’s gift, thank you.” But I hardly sang, it made me miss my mother
because we sang with that woman.
Lunathi: “That was insane.” Everyone was sipping their poison and we were all
squashed in Lakhe’s room because that’s where the equipment was.
Lakhe: “Lets hear ourselves than.” And he played it. We quietly listened
Me: “Is that my voice?” I was really shook, I sounded so good and professional.
Lunathi: “And he hasn’t even polished yet.”
Lakhe: “You should be my vocalist Bow when I start producing.”
Me: “Joh hay ngeke. I thought we were doing this just for fun.”
Alime: “And you killed it. Try it and see where it goes.” I nodded and we carried
on drinking but party moved to the lounge because Lakhe’s room wasn’t big
enough. Alime and Lakhe’s girl came and we carried on drinking, dancing. Lakhe’s
set was lit. I was pulling all the dance moves from dance class. Bheka left to get
laid because he couldn’t necessarily bring Landi to that house.
Me: “Hawu Hlelo bra, you cant leave me here.”
Hlelo: “I cant stay either ‘Bow uzolalaphi?”
Lunathi: “I don’t have anyone. She can take my bed or Sbonga’s.” he was drunk
and high that’s why he was talking nonsense. “Come on Hlehle just tell your guy
to come here.”
Hlelo: “Fine. You don’t mind shacking up with Lunathi.” Alime and Lakhe were
long gone to do whatever with the poor girls who thought that were it only them
only to know there was a, during the week girl, Friday girl and a Saturday girl.
Yeah Alime was worse than Masilakhe with being a player. Its is always the quiet
ones guys.
Me: “I am good.” We carried with the drinking Tendo came and they disappeared.
These kids loved sex too much. I didn’t even feel like I was missing out hay. I was
good with the liquor. “I think imma crash now.”
Lunathi: “I was waiting for you.” I gave him look “Relax, not like that.” I didn’t
even bother changing my sweat pants. I was too tired and drunk to care. His room
was a mess but that wasn’t the point. The minute I put my head on the pillow I
was gone.

»29«
CONTINUED
AZANDE
Things weren't happening the way I had pictured them in my head. It had been
over a week and Nathan hadn't been released from prison and I was getting
anxious, I couldn't even tell anyone about my boyfriend being arrested because
follow up questions will come asking what did he do? I also didn't have the
answers to that.
Me: "Thank you for meeting up with me Mxolisi and?" I looked at his partner
Mxo: "This is my partner detective Lwando Nkosi."
Me: "I am pleased to meet you Lwando. Mxolisi what's happening with Nathan's
case, I am worried and I was hoping you could help me." Lwando's face changed
Lwando: "We can't discuss an ongoing investigation. Mxolisi knows that so we
can't help you."
Mxo: "Hawu Lwando awume mfethu. Azande I told you are dealing with a crook
of a man. You need to cut ties with him." He was pissed and his jealousy was so
obvious.
Lwando: "Mxolisi be careful, I am warning you as someone who holds a higher
rank than you." He was getting pissed himself at his partner.
Me: "I don't want to jeopardize your job Mxolisi." I shouldn't have been there but
like I said was anxious and I needed answers.
Mxo: "Azande I still love you. There's still hope for us to fix things, I know I fucked
up but this Nathan guy is not good for you." Can this guy stop and give me the
answers I need.
Lwando: "Mxm!!" He left
Me: "Calling you was a mistake but I was really desperate. I am with Nathan now,
please accept that." I took my handbag and left him. I needed ice cream and
biltong together with chutney at that moment. Ntando called while I was roaming
the mall trying to find a shop with what I was looking for, I was so lost. Thank God
for Sam and Thabo because they were taking care of the kids, I was in no state to
take care of them.
Me: "Hello."
Ntando: "Hey baby, how are you holding up?" She has been checking up on me
since Nathan got arrested, actually all of the wives have.
Me: "Its been over a week and I am worried sick. I don't know what is happening."
I started crying. "Ntando I am pregnant. This was supposed to be a happy
moment for me, for us."
Ntando: "Shhh calm down MaJele. This still is a happy moment, you are creating a
life be happy of the blessing that is coming. Nathan is coming back and wherever
he is he doesn't want you stressing and worried. Take care of yourself and that
baby so when Nathan comes back it would be like he never left." I kept on
nodding like she could see me.
Me: "Okay thank you for checking up on me."
Ntando: "We are family now Azande and like I said you're Mrs First born." I
laughed she does call me that "Nathan is coming back. I promise."
Me: "Okay." She put me in a better mood actually and I was more hopeful.
Ntando: "I can't believe I am going be a gogo again hehe. I am going to spoil that
baby rotten, I promise you." We laughed
Me: "My baby is so lucky with 5 set of grandparents. Kumnandi mos." We
laughed. They were so welcoming, Nathan was really lucky. I understood why he
had so much love, the people that raised him had it too. I really had to let go of
my insecurities because Nathan was a keeper.
Ntando: "Trust me. Wait until the grandfathers hear about this you'll be getting
phone calls every 5 seconds, phela you are carrying the child of their First born."
We laughed again. "MaJele I have to go back to work now. You should let the kids
visit for the holidays Thando and Elihle have been nagging me to ask you. I for one
want to see Sonke." She laughed, Sonke got along with anyone heaven only
knows what they spoke about.
Me: "They'd be happy to, they've asking me when are they going back to Durban.
Thank you again for the call." We hung up.
======
Sanda: "I disappear for a few months and wena you've been bae-d and pregnant."
She clapped her hands and I laughed "I am going to be an aunt Azande." She
danced and hugged me, she was really happy for me.
Me: "Yeah I am and Nathan's family is making a big deal out of this. All these
things are from them." After telling Ntando I was pregnant, fruit baskets and baby
books and whatever got delivered at work or my place. Not forgetting the phone
calls from his fathers and their wives checking up on us. It was too much but I
really loved the attention I was getting from them.
Sanda: "I have to meet this Nathan guy because Sonke hasn't shut up about
bhuti."
Me: "You will, he's from Durban so we kinda long distance."
Sanda: "You seem happy, he better take care of you or he has me to deal with."
Me: "He is taking care of me and not just me my siblings as well. Sonke and Lethu
are so fond of him."
Sanda: "He sounds perfect, I have to meet him."
Me: "You will."
Sanda: "You have to tell Sakhi about the pregnancy."
Me: "I know and he's going to make a big deal out of this, I know him."
Sanda: "It is a big deal Azande. I am so excited. After you give birth you have to
get your old body back for your bridesmaid's dress."
Me: "Yoooh Sanda so much pressure."
Sanda: "hayii Zande. You knew I was getting married but still you couldn't lock thy
punani" we laughed
Me: "I lost the keys to thy punani baby sis" we were still laughing, I really missed
her hay.
Sanda: "Pregnancy is a consequence of an unlocked punani ke." She too crazy just
like Ziyanda. After some time Thabo came back with the kids from the movies.
They had planned it apparently.
Me: "Thank you for taking them out Thabo."
Thabo: "I am happy to boss lady." This name though.
Me: "Have you heard anything about Nathan because I am in the dark here?"
Thabo: "He's coming back don't worry."
Me: "I know he's coming back but when and why was he arrested in the first
place?" He brushed his head, he was hiding something "THABO DONT YOU DARE
LIE TO ME!!" I started crying
Thabo: "Eish boss lady, my phone is ringing." He ran out the door, he was avoiding
me. All of this didn't make any sense, I was slowly losing my mind.
Sphe: "Here's some water." Was my stress visible?
Sanda: "I heard shouting, is everything okay?"
Me: "Hormones, they drive me crazy." I couldn't tell her what was really going on,
I had questions myself.
Sonke: "Sisi, Thabo was holding Sphe's hand at the mall and he called her his
wife." Oh my word!!!
Me: "Sphe!!!" Sanda laughed.
Sphe: "Sisi she's lying. Sonke I am going to kill you." Sonke ran to the bedroom
laughing.
Sanda: "Kodwa Sonke." She was still laughing. I looked at Sphe
Me: "Tell me the truth Sphe, you are 17 years old and I have been 17 before so I
understand."
Sphe: "Sisi. Thabo was just joking around. Sonke is blowing this thing out of
proportion, I swear."
Me: "Okay." I left her standing in the kitchen. I'll deal with Thabo later I needed to
calm down and just be in the dark until the light shines itself. My sister slept over
while we planned her white wedding, it helped from over thinking about Nathan.
Her lobola talks were a month away since her fiancee's family was from out of the
country, yes her mother finally accepted that her daughter was in love with a
foreigner.
=======
Me: "3 weeks Nathan!!! Are you kidding me?" He was smiling this whole time and
that just pissed me off even more
Nathan: "Azande lets go for a drive and I'll explain it to you while we drive."
Me: "Nathan I am not going anywhere with you not until you explain yourself."
Nathan: "Calm down mama wezingane zam." He was softening me up and it was
working "You even breathing heavily for no reason. Baby I am back and I'd like to
take you out."
Me: "I am hungry."
Nathan: "Okay let's go feed you guys. I missed you, the past 3 weeks have been
hell."
Me: "I missed you too." We locked the flat "Nathan I was thinking we should buy
a house. We'll take a joint bond. Our family is big. I love the apartment but it
won't be big enough with the baby coming."
Nathan: "You have a point." We parked at a hospital
Me: "What are we doing here, I thought you were taking me out for food?"
Nathan: "I wasn't here for your first scan and I want us to share the moment.
Azande we are in this together." I smiled, it was so hard being mad at him "Then
we'll go feed you." I was still smiling.
Me: "I love you."
Nathan: "I love you too baby." We kissed right there at the hospital corridors.
Nathan was just like me he liked PDA. We got to some door and we knocked. And
a beautiful woman opened the door. My insecurities woke up.
Dr: "Good you here. Let's do this, I have surgery in 25 minutes."
Nathan: "Phiwe don't be rude. This is my woman Azande Jele Pierce. Baby this
Simphiwe Dlamini, an acquaintance of mine." This wasn't happening to me again.
Dr: "My bad, its nice to meet you Mrs Pierce."
Me: "Nice to meet you too." I had to play along with this mrs crap.
Dr: "Please lie on the bed for me so I can examine you." I did as told. She did her
thing "Okay hear that." He was looking at us and we nodded "Its the the baby's
strong heartbeat. And you are 14 weeks pregnant." I was crying, I was so happy
and so was my man. He was smiling.
Me: "Baby do you want to know the sex of the baby?"
Nathan: "Of course."
Dr: "Eish from the position the baby is at its quite difficult. Let's wait a few weeks
and we'll try again, okay."
Me: "Okay." She checked other things that my other doctor did but she was
gynecologist and I went to a normal gp. She took my weight which was a lot but I
was pregnant so I was allowed.
Dr: "I am happy so I'll see you guys next check up. Nathan take care of her, and I
mean no stress, feed her healthy things and exercise not intense knowing you but
please take care of her."
Nathan: "I promise." He helped me up and I fixed my dress "Thank you Phiwe."
Dr: "You welcome."
Nathan: "Greet Harry for me."
Phiwe: "I will." They hugged and we left.
Me: "How do you know Simphiwe?"
Nathan: "I know Harry Dlamini, her husband actually, we are in business together
and his wife is the only gynecologist I trust." I relaxed. We were parked at some
gate but we were having a serious conversation so I couldn't ask what was
happening "Azande you need to trust me more. We are starting a family and your
insecurities won't help our family succeed." I guess it was obvious that I was
worried. Mxolisi and Thapelo ruined me.
Me: "I know and baby I am sorry."
Nathan: "Its okay, you can't help yourself. Baby I am actually pissed at the guys
before me because they failed to see the precious gem that you are. You are gold
Azande and I feel I dont even deserve you, that's why I compensate so much so I
can at least be half the man you deserve." He wiped my tears
Me: "My hormones are all over the place." He chuckled "Baby I have never been
loved the way you do, its so overwhelming. Nathan you came out of nowhere and
somehow I felt at home but I was in a foreign place at the same time. I was over
the moon happy but scared as well. It feels to good to be true."
Nathan: "It is true baby. Azande you drive me crazy. Beyonce wasn't wrong, girls
run the world. And Natasha you run mine." He kissed me and it was passionate
and out of this world. I was turned on
Me: "Mmm Nathan, I am hungry."
Nathan: "Okay." The gate opened and there were a lot of cars. I am guessing this
was some private restaurant. He opened my door and helped me out, since I was
pregnant Nathan is extra careful. "Baby I love you, Azande you are my mine and
mine alone."
Me: "I love you too Nathan."
Nathan: "I am not going anywhere for whatever reason." I nodded next thing he
goes down on his knee with a black velvet box and a silver shiny ring
Me: "Nathan." I was shocked. I didn't see it coming.
Nathan: "I don't see the point of waiting anymore baby. Please officially crown me
as baba wezingane zakho and marry me. Let's be a proper family you, me and the
kids and our baby on the way." I kneeled in front of him and kissed him
Me: "Yes, a thousand times yes." He slid the ring into my ring finger "I love it and
I love you even more Nathan Pierce."
Nathan: "I love you so much more Azande Jele." He kissed my ring finger and me.
And he opened the door
Voices: "SURPRISE!!!!" I was so frightened, I peed a little
Nathan: "This is our new home baby."
Me: "What? You already bought us a house?" He nodded smiling.
Sonke: "Sisi!" Oh my word. Everyone was there. My friends and family and his
family
Mbali: "Did she say yes?" I showed her my ring finger. She screamed and hugged
me. And everyone else did and congratulated us. I was so happy, I couldn't
explain it. That day it finally sunk in that Nathan was the love of my life. He's the
guy I had been hoping for.
Nathan: "Food is this way." I followed him and it was a buffet. Everything was
there and I ate it all.
Bongi: "I like the new bae."
Me: "You mean fiancee." I showed her my finger.
Bongi: "What? Already? Congratulations sthandwa" she hugged me.
Me: "I know and thank you babe. This train is moving so fast Bongiwe but it feels
so right riding in it." She smiled and hugged me again. Bongiwe was too nunuz
Ziyanda: "Hayi ubaba wezingane zam, does his thing. He called this morning wathi
I had to show up, I didn't have a choice." I laughed
Me: "He's very persuasive. He even got me to agree to marry him, imagine." She
screamed and looked at my ring.
Ziyanda: "Its beautiful mnganam. And the house is exquisite. The decor
everything. What is Nathan's net worth mngany and does he have friends?" Haike
Ziyanda being herself
Me: "Ziyanda no hawu. This is my surprise house warming party, behave. Nathan
is just an affording man."
Ziyanda: "We are in Sandhurst Azande the most expensive suburb in
Johannesburg, affording man my ass." Why was she making this about money?
Me: "I'll go find my man. I thought you'd be happy about my engagement more
than expensive suburbs, mxm!" I left them there. I found him talking to the old
men. The twins were so alike I didn't know who was who. I could only
differentiate when they were with their wives.
Twin1: "I hear congratulations are in order."
Que: "Welcome to the family yet again MaPrison." These people
Me: "Thank you."
Ntando: "Umakoti ungo wethu." She sang again and everyone backed her up even
the kids.
Them: "Siyavuma!" I was smiling like an idiot.
Twin2: "Tell your father we are coming to test his patience."
Siya: "Sijimile asidlali." They laughed and Nathan pulled me to the side.
Nathan: "Baby I'd like to pay lobola as soon as possible so it wont look like I am
disrespectful to your father by shacking up with you plus I know you also don't
like it."
Me: "Okay. I'll talk to him. I love everything about this day baby. You even got my
friends here and the house is to die for." We were going up the stairs.
Nathan: "I am glad you love it. Ntandokazi and Lisa helped me choose it and
decorated it. Sonke likes her room very much." I laughed. It was a princess sophia
theme room and she loved her. We found ourselves in our room and it was
amazing. The view of joburg from our balcony was amazing.
Me: "Nathan we need to talk about a lot of things before we go ahead with
getting married. Like the money situation and future plans."
Nathan: "Baby don't worry yourself about money. I got you, if I have a problem
you'll be the first person I come to. I am your man and as a man I need to take
care of you. Whether its shopping or whatever makes you happy, its my priority."
Me: "Okay. Can I sleep here its been a long day."
Nathan: "Okay." We kissed and things heated up "I thought you were tired"
Me: "Just one round baby please." He laughed and we started undressing each
other. 3 rounds later, I know but sex with Nathan was amazing, we cuddled
because I was sleepy. "I love being in your arms Mr Pierce."
Nathan: "You belong in my arms Mrs Pierce." I smiled, I liked the sound of that. I
loved everything about that day from him coming back to our engagement and
the house the only thing that was missing was mama.

»30«
NQOBANI
Me: "What the fuck Nathan?" He had just gotten back from prison. He was 2
weeks late from the initial plan.
Nathan: "Kahle Grootboom. Bongani was under 24 hour watch. Getting to him
wasn't as easy as I expected. But the job is done and we are back in business."
Ndu: "The system is up and running. It was too much of a risk what you did
Nathan but I am glad you succeeded."
Hlanga: "I am still pissed at why we were kept out of the loop." He looked at
Chance and Nathan for answers.
Chance: "Imagine if it had backfired Hlanga and Bongani actually testified. Your
jobs would've been on the line. Nathan and I did what was best for everyone. You
have real jobs and this is our real job." They had a point. At that point I
understood the term 'there's honor amongst thieves'
Nathan: "It was a risk I was willing to take for all of us. Look we all in the clear
now." Lwando entered. We didn't even know him until Nathan got arrested
Lwando: "Mxolisi has been gunning for your woman since you left." He tensed up
that moment.
Chance: "Nathan go back to your woman, she's worried sick."
Nathan: "I am going back, I just need a diversion to turn the heat off the questions
she'll be asking like why did I get arrested and that Mxolisi idiot has been
whispering shit in her ear so I have to be boyfriend of the year when I get back."
He looked at Lwando "I can't thank you enough my guy." They shook hands
Lwando: "I'll always be a team player nawe uyaz."
Nathan: "Any of you interested in going to see me beat an idiot up?"
Hlanga: "I am in." We laughed.
Lwando: "If he wasn't my partner I would've joined the party." We laughed we all
drove to his place thanks to his partner. And Nathan didn't ask any questions, he
just beat the shit out of him. We just watch
Nathan: "There's a reason why the term mind your business exist. I am not a man
you want to mess with, ask your father what I am capable of." He kicked him "You
got me pissed and there's no telling what I'll do, as of this moment I own Sibeko
Coal. Tell Caleb to find me." He punched and kicked him and we left. That day I
learned not to mess with Nathan. We drove our separate ways, I went home since
Palesa and I were finally taking the trip. I loved her so I had to give her the benefit
of the doubt that she has changed and Mimi was just a moment of weakness. I
convinced myself.
Palesa: "Good you are here, the bags are packed and we have about 3 hours
before our flight leaves." She said wrapping her arms around my neck "And I have
a few ideas." We smiled at each other
Me: "I am listening." We kissed
Palesa: "We have to be naked for this idea baby." She giggled while she took off
my top. One thing lead to another and we 4 steamy rounds and we got ready for
our trip. "Baby you are going for a week, you need to kiss your son goodbye."
Me: "Okay." I drove us to Mimi's house. I had my own keys. We got there and I
was met by my son crawling all over the foyer "Hadebe." He clapped his and
smiled
Palesa: "He knows his daddy."
Me: "Of course he does. Boy boy ubaba is going away for a while, I'll bring a lot of
things." Njabulo said whatever jubish and played with my face
Mimi: "You don't greet now. Hey Palesa." She looked so beautiful, she had a new
hairstyle.
Palesa: "Hi Mimi."
Me: "Sorry, I was welcomed by him so I got carried away. Are you good?" She
looked disappointed that I came with Palesa
Mimi: "I am good." We looked at each other but she looked away "Can I get you
guys anything to drink, food?"
Palesa: "I'll take juice."
Me: "Im fine." She went to the kitchen "I'll go get his food. Get comfortable."
Palesa: "Okay." Njabulo and I went to the kitchen.
Me: "Mimi it was just a kiss lets not complicate things, we doing great at this co-
parenting thing.
Mimi: "You are right. Njabulo doesn't need toxicity." She was so calm, I didn't
know if I should believe her "I am hiring a nanny for when I go attend my classes
and maybe even live a little." She wasn't even looking at me. Because my face had
changed
Me: "Live a little? Mimi you are a mother now, you can't be reckless." I raised my
voice
Mimi: "I am not dumb Clive, I know my role as a mother. But I also want to do
things, you are going on holiday out of the blue, I want that. You have a girlfriend
and I want a boyfriend too, its time accepted things and moved on." That just
pissed me off
Me: "Mimi you don't need a boyfriend. Be a mother to our son and I don't want
any man who's not me even a centimeter close to my son."
Mimi: "How do you think I feel Clive? Palesa is here and I just have to accept it.
For once get off your high horse and think about my feelings." She took the juice
and left the kitchen. I was still pissed, I didn't like the idea of Mimi dating. I
followed her to the lounge
Palesa: "Baby we need to leave before we miss the flight." I suddenly didn't want
to leave.
Mimi: "Safe trip guys." She took Njabulo from me "Say bye daddy." He cried
instead
Me: "You don't want me to go Bhungane." I took him back and he kept quiet.
"Bhungane baba has go okay. Take care of mommy by being a good boy and I'll
see you soon. Ngyakthanda Njabulo kababa." I kissed his forehead and I gave him
to his mother "I'll facetime and video call whatever so I can see him." It was
actually to keep tabs on her "You are not hiring anyone without my say so."
Mimi: "Tsamaya hhe!!!(Leave)" she was pissed and I didn't care. We left for Bali
Indonesia. Palesa liked things though.
Palesa: "Baby I was thinking of resigning from work and try finding a job this side."
Me: "Why resign? Apply for jobs this side until you get one then move."
Palesa: "I just feel it will take forever. Would you be open to us moving in
together?"
Me: "You want us to live together? Palesa we are not married."
Palesa: "I know that but I think we should try it out just to see if we can handle
each other." Was she kidding me, her being close wasn't a good idea. I liked her
being in Kimberley because it meant she was away most of the time especially
times when my demons chose to wake up. She still didn’t know that part of my
life and I felt she had seen me throught too much drama to subject her to that as
well.
Me: "Baby we'll see but I really liked things the way they are. I don’t have a
problem with you being in Kimberly. I like it there, I get to be away from all this
madness of Gauteng.”
Palesa: "Oh okay. It was just a thought nje." She kissed my lips and put her head
on shoulder. "I thought were going to use the jet."
Me: "The jet is for business and emergencies."
Palesa: "Okay." We carried on conversing about our expectations for the trip, it
got me excited a little. My life had gotten so complicated that I was neglecting
Sne. I had to do better because vacations were a thing at home for her and
Nolwazi. We enjoyed Bali, it was great and my woman was happy and that's all I
wanted not the bitter energy she was giving out.
=====
Thabo: "Grootboom all is well with the baby mama. She goes to school, fetches
the little guy from day care and she's indoors the all time." Call me a monster or
whatever but Mimi was my responsibility.
Me: "Sure T-bose." He left and I drove to fetch Sne and Nolwazi they wanted to
visit Njabulo.
Cebo: "Finally you are here, we've been waiting."
Me: "I didn't know you are here. Where's my favorite baby girl?" I searched for
her
Cebo: "She stayed with her cousins." She finally moved to Rustenburg but her
transfer was denied so she is jobless but she seemed happy about her decision.
Me: "Mxm! Go back to where you came from." She laughed
Cebo: "I am not here for you. I came for baby Njabs I even bought him clothes.
Aunty of the title is going to me." She was looking at Sne and Nolwazi.
Sne: "The best gift is love and baby Njabs has mine. I am aunty of the year." We
laughed these people were crazy
Nolwazi: "Cha mina angidlali guys."
Me: "Because you know you'll lose." We locked and left. Mimi and Njabulo stayed
in Joburg while I was still in Pretoria. Maybe it was time I moved, just to be closer.
Nolwazi: "Nice ass house." She screamed "I saw it on Mimi's instagram thanking
his baby daddy."
Sne: "Is this a thing all baby daddies do because I am getting one."
Cebo&I: "Yay wena Sne!!!" Was she trying to kill me? She laughed together with
Nolwazi.
Me: "Snenhlanhla I don't want you entertaining boys for whatever reason, nawe
Nolwazi." I looked at them. I knew Nolwazi was dating but at that moment I didn't
like the idea.
Them: "Yebo bhuti." We got to the house and it sounded like Mimi had visitors.
Mimi: "Oh hey guys." She hugged us "Njabulo has crawled to the kitchen."
Me: "I'll go get him." I did and I came back to take a close look at her visitors. It
was 2 guys and a girl. "Mimi a word please." Sne took Njabulo from me and we
went to the poolside
Mimi: "Who are those people?"
Mimi: "My friends. We met at school and we eventually became friends. You have
a problem with me having friends now? Clive this is too much now!" I find myself
smashing my lips on hers. She responded and things were escalating, it was
different in a good way. Kissing her had emotion, I loved it. She eventually pushe
me, but I was holding her tight
Mimi: "Clive." She looked away
Me: "Mimi I don't like you entertaining other men. It drives me crazy."
Mimi: "Clive what am I supposed to do. You don't love me but you like kissing me.
Its confusing and it hurts because want you." I chose to kiss her again and she
didn't stop me.
Me: "Tell your friends to leave and we'll talk when my sisters leave."
Mimi: "Okay." We kissed again and we went back into the house. What was I
doing? I also didn't know but Mimi being in my arms felt right.
NARRATED
Bhekifa James was sick and tired of taking care of his 32 year old son, his wife
including his kids. He didn't sign up for this
Bhekifa: "Melisizwe what did you do that has you blacklisted from everything? Its
been over 3 years now aren't you supposed to be off the list?" Melisizwe didn't
have the answers because he had been asking himself the same thing over the
years
Meli: "Nam andaz tata(I also don't know)
Bhekifa: "On top of that you not even strong enough to produce an heir. You are a
disappointment man Melisizwe." He was really angry at his son. Melisizwe was
spoilt mostly by Bhekifa's parents and he hated what they turned his son to.
Melisizwe's wife Prudence had just given birth to their third child who was a girl.
Bhekifa: "Its time you consider taking a second wife maybe together an heir will
come out and you can get your inheritance."
Meli: "Tata that's a bit a bit too extreme, don't you think? And Pru asoze ayivisise
ke leyo(She won't understand)"
Bhekifa: "Do I look like I care Melisizwe what Pru will understand and not
understand? I can't live the life I had planned because I am taking care of you and
your load on top of that you are lying to me about why you got blacklisted."
Meli: "Tata I told you I also don't know how I ended up in this mess. It has to be
identity theft."
Bhekifa: "The investigators didn't find anything Melisizwe, you are lying to me and
I hate because I am trying to help you."
Meli: "..."
Bhekifa: "I hope you thinking of ways to sort this out because you have a year and
4 months left than the terms of your inheritance lapses and you lose the company
that was meant for you to some stranger."
Meli: "Fine! I'll have to talk to Pru about this."
Bhekifa: "Make it fast." He stood up and left his father's law firm. Melisizwe had
hit rock bottom. Having to ask his father or his mother for petrol money was a low
for him, he hated it but there was nothing he could do because he couldn't start
his own company with his IT skills or get a 9-5 job because when they do a
background check him being blacklisted came up.

»30«
CONTINUED
NATHAN
I came up with the perfect diversion of just proposing to her and giving her a little
paradise for our family. I know telling the truth made sense but Azande wasn't
ready to hear the truth, maybe after she gives birth.
Caleb: "Nathan be reasonable, Mxolisi didn't know any better. He was just a cop
trying to look out for an old friend." Old friend my ass, he was confessing his
undying love to my woman!
Me: "I can't believe you defending him instead of calling him to order. Caleb your
fate and the fate of your family company is in my hands now. I have all the
records even the fake scandal you asked me to do." He was angry and I didn't
care.
Caleb: "Nathan you do not want to start war with me, remember I have your
enemy's number. I am not loyal to anyone." Was Caleb testing? Clearly he had a
death wish
Me: "I suggest you call Viper and have scotch over how to take me down because
trust me I am coming for the both of you." I left him. Caleb was a man who only
had an eye for what he wants. I got home, it was time I accepted that I live in
Johannesburg now because that's where my family was. I was welcomed by a
meaty aroma, I got hungry that moment and it was Sphe cooking
Me: "Hey baby girl."
Sphe: "Hello bhuti. Bhuti Elihle says she's in Joburg can I see her?" She was getting
along really well with the siblings while Sonke got along with everyone, she was
the best thing to ever happened to me. Azande wasn't the only blessing I was
blessed with, her siblings as well meant a great deal to me.
Me: "We'll talk to sisi first then I'll drive you there."
Sphe: "Okay. Thank you."
Me: "You didn't show me your report like Sonke and Lethu did."
Sphe: "We are getting them next term since we wrote exams until the last day of
school."
Me: "I hope you not lying to me Sphe."
Sphe: "Ngempela bhuti."
Me: "You are going to matric next year then it's university. What do you want to
do?"
Sphe: "I want to be a tv personality so I don't necessarily need university
qualification."
Me: "Sphe I don't think I like that for you, have you spoken to sisi about this?"
Sphe: "No but I will."
Me: "How about you you think of a fall back plan other than being on t.v."
Sphe: "Okay I will."
Me: "Hurry up on the food, I am starving." We laughed
Sphe: "Okay. Sisi is sleeping upstairs, she's always tired lately." We haven't told
the kids about the pregnancy, I don't know why we are waiting.
Me: "Let me go check up on her." I went upstairs and I found her sleeping in her
uniform. I chose to plant kisses all over her face
Azande: "Leave me alone Nathan." She cried
Me: "Baby you are crying. I don't like it when my wife is crying."
Azande: "Nathan you didn't call me today or text me. Is it because I am pregnant."
Wow! I kissed her "Baby my uniform doesn't fit me anymore, it tore at work. It
was so embarrassing." It had the biggest hole on the side, I wanted to laugh but
she was emotional she didn't need me adding to that. Hormones were just
playing with her it was so sad to watch.
Me: "Baby you left your phone in the charger this morning that's why I didn't
call." Yes, she was crying for nothing "And baby you are gaining weight, it
makes.." a slap landed on my cheek "WTF Azande??" She did a number on me
Azande: "FUCK YOU NATHAN!! Are you saying I am big? Nxx leave my sight." I
needed to nurse my cheek so I listened and left her alone. This pregnancy was
going to leave me with blue eyes and handprints. Qophelo called me
Me: "Big man."
Phelo: "First born we need a date, I am planning a surprise vacation for my wife
and I don't want it to clash."
Me: "A month from today."
Phelo: "If you had my blood I'd say you really my first born. You have no time to
waste." We laughed
Me: "I learned from the best. Please represent me kahle ku Jele and dont be
yourselves and ruin my chances." He laughed
Phelo: "We'll be on our worst behavior. I promise." He laughed
Me: "Phelo I am serious. Whatever they ask for pay it."
Phelo: "Nathan we'll never ruin your chances at happiness uMaJele makes you
happy and I thank the skies for her because I was really worried about you."
Me: "I was worried about myself too. But she came and everything fell into place
plus I took your advice with the meaningless sexual activities."
Phelo: "They steer you away from the good things in life. I am glad you grew up
Nathan."
Me: "Thank you for everything Qophelo from my grandmother to raising me. I
don't think anyone is lucky like I am."
Phelo: "We've never told you this but when Quinton bought you and Ouma this
side it was okay. We handle things well financially I mean but after Ouma's death
we got a wake up call because you were our responsibility now and not just
financially. You made us grow up and be these men we are today. My point is
you've been a blessing since day one." I wasn't nothing without Quinton and his
friends.
Me: "I glad to hear that."
Phelo: "Hows MaJele doing?"
Me: "She slapped me for saying she's gaining weight." He laughed
Phelo: "You deserved it. Nathan you do not comment about a woman's weight
pregnant or not. Go fix this."
Me: "Eish okay." We hung up. I went back in the room and she was in the shower.
I loved Azande's body and now that she was pregnant it made things even worse.
"Can I join you?" She nodded and I took my clothes
Azande: "Baby I didn't mean to slap you."
Me: "I know sthandwa sam. I love everything about you baby." I brushed her
belly.
Azande: "I love you Nathan." We kissed while the water hit our bodies
Me: "I just spoke to Phelo and they are going to your father in a month's time."
Azande: "What? Nathan that's too soon. I haven't even told him that I am
pregnant."
Me: "Then tell him Azande. The old timers are busy and they have put everything
on hold so they can represent me. Baby it's not just about me and you alone
now."
Azande: "Okay. I have to make time and drive down to see him because such
news need face to face." We washed each others backs after we were clean we
got out.
Me: "When are you telling the kids?"
Azande: "I am hardly showing." I knew her body so to me see was "But we'll tell
them over dinner
Me: "Okay."
Azande: "Baby I don't know if I should be worried but"
Me: "I don't like it when you worried Azande, its not good for the baby."
Azande: "I love that you care about me so much" she kissed me "I wasn't done.
Sonke mentioned something about Thabo and Sphe holding hands. I don't know
maybe its nothing but Sonke is not a liar." I didn't like this conversation
Me: "I'll deal with Thabo. Please deal with Sphe being a tv personality."
Azande: "What? Next thing shes on drugs and sleeping with men for gigs. That's
not happening." Azande was a strict older sister but it came from a good place.
Me: "I also don't like it but don't bully her Azande."
Azande: "I am not making any promises." We got dressed and she left me
hanging. I took my phone and called Chance
Chance: "Good thing you called, the operation went as planned. Lwando and his
team found the stash houses together with the girls and they had just bought in a
shipment from Angola." Human trafficking was horrible, those girls were
desperate and some men made money over their desperation.
Me: "Call Hlanga and Clive let them handle the girls. You and me are going to
Austin and his brother and offer our help." That's what you do to take your enemy
down. Bring him closer.
Chance: "Okay."
Me: "I may have created another problem for us. Caleb and Viper are coming for
me."
Chance: "Nathan your agreement with Viper was you stay out of each other's
way."
Me: "I know but that was before Caleb who knows my weakness now."
Chance: "Azande."
Me: "Yeah but lets deal with The Nigerians. I have always known Viper will come
for me I just didn't know when so I had a contingency in place."
Chance: "You'll have to loop us in, we in this together Nathan."
Me: "I know." We hung up. Things were about to get messy. I could foresee a war
and my family wasn't prepared.
THINGO
Me: "Hlangalezwe you are leaving again? Baby you just got here." He kissed
Hlanga: "I am sorry Thingo lwam but baby I have to do this. We've been planning
this for months and it finally happening." I sulked
Hlanga: "You are ugly when you sulk Siphosethu." I laughed
Me: "Fine. Have breakfast with me then go handle business." He smiled "I love
you Dingiswayo,
Nyambose,
Magaga onsibansiba,
Mfolozi emnyama inketha baweli nabawelayo bayayiqokelela,
Nina bakanhlamba kangicelani ngoba angiceli lutho lomuntu,
Wena okalugagane oluhlabangaphi ngoba phela lumhlaba ngale,
Thulisa kuyozwakala,
Nkonyane yenkosi,
Hlangalezwe!!" I took off my gown I wasn't wearing anything underneath my
gown. My idiot husband pulled me to the bed and was in between my legs like
the flash
Hlanga: "You reciting my clan names while naked is so hot." We kissed slow and
passionately.
Me: "Mmm" he was leaving wet kisses all over my body.
Hlanga: "Fuck Thingo I really have to go!"
Me: "Your loss ke Mr Mthethwa." I laughed
Hlanga: "I'll get you for this and you'll pay double."
Me: "Hayi hayi Hlangalezwe, its not my fault that you have to go." He kissed me
again and sucked on my boobs this time.
Hlanga: "Let's go shower." We went to take a quick shower "The day I get you,
you wont rest. I promise you." We laughed "I love you okay."
Me: "I love you even more." We kissed and got out the shower and got dress. We
drove to Mugg and Bean in separate cars with the husband and had breakfast but
he really had to go because Nqobani was calling him non stop. He left me at the
mall and I decided to shop. A call I always dread came in
Me: "Hey mzala."
Snothi: "Hey mzala. Nisaphila no sbali(Are you still good with the brother-in-
law)?" I rolled my eyes
Me: "We are good. Mzala I can't talk, I am quite busy right now. Thank you for
checking up on us."
Snothi: "Let me not keep you. But I also called because Themba wants to throw
Anathi a birthday and I also want to pitch in, you know. So can you please inject
me with a little something." I knew it!
Me: "How much is a little Snothi?"
Snothi: "Things are quite expensive now yaz mzala. So R5000 will do, so I can also
buy an outfit for that day just to look good for the pictures." Wow, Snothi has no
shame yaz. But I told myself I was doing this for Anathi
Me: "Okay. I'll transfer it to you when I get home."
Snothi: "Thank you mzala. Noma kungaba uR6000 because uAya and Mama will
also need outfits."
Me: "Okay. Am I even invited to that party?"
Snothi: "Of course mzala, sbali is also invited."
Me: "Okay." I hung up. My mood was killed by my family, what if my father's
family was also a bunch of leeches. I was suddenly in a mood for alcohol. I went
back to Mugg and Bean and ordered a bottle of wine and I abused their wifi. I
uploaded a picture of myself saying I was taking myself out on a date on
instagram. I was getting a lot of comments from Lwazi and Hlelo asking about my
husband and Lunathi snuck in my dm(direct message)
-----direct message conversation-------
Lunathi: "A beautiful lady shouldn't have to take herself out on a date. Let me
take care of the bill, insist."

Me: "I don't mind taking myself out. Thank you for offering👍👍."

Lunathi: "I don't take no for an answer 🌈🌈🌈"

Me: "You are disturbing my meal, bye now." I logged out. I carried on drinking and
chatting to Aya. She was still my best friend, married or not and it seemed as
though we had the same problems. The news about her father finally came out.
Aunt Nomusa cheated with a pastor at some old church of hers. This was a
scandal of the year because Aya rocked up to him and his wife claiming she was
his daughter. According to Aya there was no denying her they were alike she was
just a shade lighter. She's the one who actually motivated me to talk to baba
about finding my father.
Lunathi: "Hey Bow. I took my chances driving here."
Me: "What the fuck? Are following me now?"
Lunathi: "No. You checked in Mugg n Bean at Cresta shopping centre." At that
moment I realized how much of a danger checking in was.
Me: "What do you want?"
Lunathi: "Conversation amongst other this." He looked at me. This boy was so
hot.
Me: "Okay."
Lunathi: "Let me order food." And he signalled a waiter. He ordered his food and
indeed we held a tight conversation about our studies and the future. He wasn't
like the Gumedes though he was too entitled and spoilt and made everything
about money. "You finished the whole bottle are you going to be okay to drive?"
Me: "I'll call a friend of mine, don't worry."
Lunathi: "Come on Rainbow. I can take care of you. I was actually planning on
going to some music festival happening in PTA, are interested?"
Me: "No I am. I'll just go home and rest."
Lunathi: "Just for a few hours, you'll love it."
Me: "What about my car? I am really not interested Lunathi."
Lunathi: "You are such a bore. I really thought you were fun." That really hurt me.
Me: "Fine we can go."
Lunathi: "Great. Take your car home and call a cab back here and we'll go."
Me: "Okay." I took out my wallet
Lunathi: "Don't worry I'll take care of the bill."
Me: "Okay thanks." I left and called my husband
Hlanga: "Siphosethu."
Me: "Baby what time will you be home so I can start cooking?"
Hlanga: "I am not coming back baby and I don't know when I'll be back."
Me: "Hawu Hlangalezwe."
Hlanga: "I am really sorry Thingo lwam."
Me: "Sometimes it feels as though you are married to your job more than me
Hlangalezwe. I have been beating myself up for not being a great wife to you but
how am I supposed to do that when you are hardly home?
Hlanga: "Baby I am really sorry"
Me: "Bye Hlangalezwe." I hung up and parked my car and cried. I was going to
that music festival just to distress and staying far away from my empty mansion. I
went inside and requested a cab while I changed my outfit. My cab came and I
left. He was still waiting for me. "You really want us to go huh?"
Lunathi: "Yeah." We went to his BMW and drove away. We got to the vip section
and it seemed as though the people there were expecting Lunathi. It was mostly
young people and it was a great vibe
Me: "I thought Hlelo and the twins will be here."
Lunathi: "Lakhe has a gig at some club and Hlelo is with her boyfriend and Alime is
in Zululand."
Me: "Okay." I was offered drinks but wasn't in a hurry, I needed all my senses.
There were celebrities performing, it was really fun. It really took my mind off
this.
Lunathi: "Are still good?"
Me: "Fine."
Lunathi: "Tell me if you want to get out of here."
Me: "Okay." I carried on enjoying myself. The alcohol had invaded my system and
somehow my vision was starting to get blurry. "I think I am ready to leave."
Lunathi: "Okay." He took my hand and we left. He was really a gentleman.
Me: "Haibo this is not the way home Lunathi." He drove us to a hotel instead of
home.
Lunathi: "I know but I don't trust my driving right now. Let's take a few zzz I'll
drive you home."
Me: "Call me a cab please. My phone is dead."
Lunathi: "So is mine 'Bow." I didn't like this idea but I went along with it. We got
to a hotel room and I got under the blankets and he joined me. I honestly don't
know what happened because next thing Lunathi and I were exchanging saliva
Me: "Lunathi, stop I am married."
Lunathi: "'Bow come on, I know you want this." It felt good, his touches and his
soft cold lips were so intoxicating.
Me: "Aaa Lunathi!" He was kissing my neck and taking off my jacket. What was I
doing, it was wrong but I needed more.
Lunathi: "Aaaah perfect." He was looking at my naked body.
======
Alime: “Thingo you are better than this. Lunathi ngempela, ngempla?” I was also
judging myself. I have lost my morals because of that boy.
Me: “Alime its not that deep.”
Alime: “Maybe to you. Because he is on our case lapha endlini.” Oh my I am going
to kill him. “You are like a sister to me Thingo and I wouldn’t want you mess up
your life over someone like Lunathi. He is my boy and I am down with him but he
is not good for you and you are married.”
Me: “I hear you bhuti.”
Alime: “I am serious. Please respect yourself.” With that he carried on doing his
work. We at the library. This between Lunathi and I were strictly oral and it was
fun but I had trusted that he’ll keep it to himself just to avoid such incidents, kanti
I am dealing with an idiot. I like the guy and I like the attention plus him and I vibe
pretty well. Since Alime knows it was a matter of time for Hlelo to set me straight.
After class I went home I was too lazy for anything plus baba was home. Cuddling
with him made sense. I found him playing fifa. Nothing has changed about Hlanga
guys. He is still the same guy just crazier. We indeed cuddle no baby and I sent
Lunathi a text to stay away from me because he is an idiot. I woke up from my
nap and Hlanga was packing his clothes hawu and then?
Me: “You are leaving again?”
Hlanga: “…” he took is bags and left. I was just left confused and a little pissed. I
went to take a quick shower just to wake up before I started studying, exams
where a week away and I needed to push. I got comfortable in my onsie, Hlelo’s
habits were rubbing off on me. I tried calling him and he didn’t answer it. I
decided to send him a text giving him a piece of mind
Me: “Oh shit!!” I didn’t waste time I took my car keys and I went to Hlelo's place. I
fucked up and I needed help. I found all of them there “Hlelo!!”
Hlelo: “Calm down!! and breathe.” I nodded. I was crying. “Now talk to me.” I
gave her phone, she read whatever was there and looked at me
Me: “He packed his things and left me Gugulethu.”
Hlelo: “Thingo!! Shit.” She looked at me. She was shook and I was lost.
Me: “Tell me how to fix it Hlelo.”
Hlelo: “You just have to wait for him to come to you ‘Bow. You basically told him
the whole thing.”
Me: “Do you think he’ll forgive me?” I wasn’t sure. Hlanga wasn’t a forgiving
person. He wasn’t talking to Banele after the incident with the abortion. I made
the mistake of sending the text meant for Lunathi to Hlanga. I don’t know how I
made the mistake but I did and Hlelo was right there wasn’t nothing left unsaid in
that text. “Is he even around?”
Hlelo: “Thingo cut ties with him. I will tell him what was in the message. You need
to fix your marriage, forget Lunathi.” I nodded.
Me: “Thank you.”
Hlelo: ‘’Bow I warned you!” and there it was. I was expecting it.
Me: “Mngan I know. I am an idiot.”
Hlelo: “Sex really Thingo, what was your plan vele?” I wasn’t proud of the person I
had become guys. Lunathi was changing me yet again. But it wasn’t him, I was the
problem. Yes I had oral sex with that crazy person and it wasn’t once.
Me: “Hlelo I already feel bad can we drop it. I am going to Pretoria now I am sure
he is there.”
Hlelo: “Let him cool off Thingo.” I nodded “Come lets go to bed, we’ll conquer the
world tomorrow.” She gave me sleeping pills because I wasn’t going to sleep and
they knocked me out.

»31«
HLANGA
Me: "Keep them coming." I instructed the bartender and he didn't stop pouring
shots of cognac.
Bartender: "It seems like you have a lot on your mind."
Me: "You have no idea." I took a sip of my drink.
Bartender: "Avoiding your problems doesn't help the situation much."
Me: "You have a point." I was angry more than anything.
Sino: "Hlanga Mthethwa. You called and I jumped." Please don't judge me.
Me: "I didn't force you Sino, you can leave if don't want to be here. So are we
going to drink here and take it to the room later or drink in the room?"
Sino: "I know this is about sex Hlanga but at least be polite about it."
Me: "Mxm."
Sino: "Gin and tonic please." She spoke to the bartender. "So where's your hot
wife?"
Me: "You don't want piss me off Sino. My wife is not a topic we'll discuss."
Sino: "Geez! It was just small talk. In all honesty I don't get it, if you are here with
me what is she doing? Cooking and taking care of your kids, marriage is hard
watseba." She was really nosy and she wanted to be my wife you could tell. So
she was easy because she was compensating for something she'll never be.
Me: "Can we just drink in silence."
Sino: "Fine." And we drank and after some time we went to the room I had
booked. Sino and I were familiar with that hotel.
=======
Me: "Sino check out is at 10." I placed R5000 on the pedestal "Its been good but
this was the last time." I was done dressing up
Sino: "It doesn't have to."
Me: "Bye." I left and went to the gym. It was time I faced the music.
THINGO
Hlelo: “Vuka ‘Bow!! Hlanga is here.” I jumped out of bed like a crazy person. I
went down stairs “He is outside.” I went outside and he was in his car. He looked
like he hasn’t slept. He was still in the previous day clothes
Hlanga: “Ngena emotweni sambe Siphosethu.” Fix your black outfits guys because
this man was going to kill me.
Me: “Let me fetch my phone.”
Hlanga: “You don’t need it. Now get in the car.” He was so pissed it was all over
his face. He was quiet the whole way home and I was ready to pee my pants. I
followed him inside the house and he went upstairs to take a shower. I decided to
make breakfast for him. He came down looking fresh, I gave him his food and he
sat down on the table and started assembling his gun while looking at me. I was
sure I was dying
Me: “Ngyaxolisa Nyambose.”
Hlanga: “Was it payback?” of course not “You wanted revenge on me for sleeping
around?”
Me: “Of course not Nyambose.” I was getting teary now “I got lost on the way
Hlanga, he got me at a vulnerable time. Nyambose you are never home.” He
shook his head no.
Hlanga: "Oh so this is my fault Siphosethu, is that was you are saying?" He put the
magazine into the gun and he set it.
Me: "Of course not Hlangalezwe. I am saying we haven't been behaving like a
married couple. Nyambose this marriage only works at your say so. All I do is
follow, Hlanga you've stopped making us a priority."
Hlanga: "..."
Me: "Hlanga things are not like before. When you called me first thing in the
morning and last thing at night. Lunathi was giving all the attention I had been
craving."
Hlanga: "Its clear you want me to pull this trigger Siphosethu. So you like another
man's attention now? How do you think we afford this life that we have here,
huh. If you crave my attention we'll starve."
Me: "Than so be it Hlangalezwe. I'll rather die of hunger with you than live in this
mansion alone."
Hlanga: "Siphosethu you let another man touch you, he touched my wife and
somehow it's on me. That's not fair. Fine accept that I haven't been taking care of
you like I promised but where's your accountability?"
Me: "Baby I am not proud of what I did, ngyavuma I should've known better." He
shook his head no and pushed my food and it fell all over the floor and stood up
with his gun still in his hand. I needed him to trust me again, losing him would be
the worst thing that ever happened to me “I am an idiot Hlanga. I have no excuse
for what I did.”
Hlanga: “Thingo you told me you not ready to love me and I respected that, I
didn’t want to rush you and so my work kept me busy while waiting for you. So
imagine my surprise when I get a message you declaring whatever feelings for
someone who wasn’t me.” he was being dramatic, I didn’t declare anything. But
that wasn’t the point “You had sex with him Siphosethu.”
Me: “Nyambose ngyaxolisa(I am sorry).” Lunathi was an itch I wanted to scratch. I
didn’t think it will cost me anything. I loved Hlanga guys, he was my world. “I have
no excuse baby. Please forgive me.” I was begging him now and he didn’t want
me to touch him.
Hlanga: “I did everything I could Siphosethu. I was there when you needed me, I
made things easy for you. I fucken married you woman!!” he came closer, he was
losing it. I was okay with him hitting me or even shooting me. He was angry and I
made him angry so he should release that anger somewhere. “I would’ve done
more if I could just to make you happy.” I was crying hysterically now. I really
messed up and it was over infectuation and lust. I didn’t benefit anything for my
moment with Lunathi.
Me: “Ngixolele(Forgive me) Nyambose.” He was fuming and was doing all he
could to contain himself. He took his car keys “Hlanga please don’t leave me. baby
we can fix it.” He went upstairs and left me standing in that beautiful kitchen. I
couldn’t move, I needed to think of ways to fix us. He came down and kissed my
forehead.
Hlanga: “Ngyakthanda Siphosethu. But I need this time apart, because right now
all I want to do is to beat some sense in your head but I will probably kill you. So I
am leaving and its indefinite.” He looked at me with his intimidating face
Me: “Where are you going?”
Hlanga: “I don’t know. For now worry about what you want. I really hope its me
because id really hate the person id become without you.” He left me standing
and asking myself what did he mean about all of this.
=====
It was Njabulo's birthday and Mimi made a big deal out of it. And I wasn't in a
party mood especially a 1 year old birthday party but Nqobani was family and so I
showed up with a gift and drinks just to help out only to find my husband there.
We weren't talking to each other or should I say, he wasn't talking to me.
Mimi: "Thank you for coming and the gift, I am sure he's going to love it." We
hugged, I bought him a tricycle.
Me: "I wouldn't have missed it for the world. I can't believe he's a year old already
and he looks so much like his father."
Mimi: "I know. Its annoying." We laughed
Me: "You two seemed to be getting along after the whole paternity drama." I was
fishing, my life was miserable I needed other people's problems.
Mimi: "It's like it never happened hay. Can I tell you something become I have
been dying to tell someone." Of course.
Me: "Of course, is everything okay?" I asked sounding concerned.
Mimi: "It's perfect. Nqobani and I had sex last night and it was amazing Tee. It was
different from when it was just casual." WTF??
Me: "Hayi Mimi. Isn't he with Palesa?"
Mimi: "He is and we haven't spoken about it. Tee I love him and on top of that
he's great with Njabulo." Mimi was really into her baby daddy, her face said it all.
Nqobani approached us "Please don't tell anyone, I don't want to jinx things." and
she was smitten by just his presence. I didn't want to be Palesa at that point.
Nqobani: "Thingo lwethu."
Me: "Husband. I still can't believe our boy is year already." We hugged
Nqobani: "He's growing up so fast."
Mimi: "Next thing he'll be bringing girls home." We laughed
Nqobani: "It's too soon for me to be a grandparent ngeke sbali." We laughed.
They were having a moment and I had to leave them because they were annoying
me. I went to find Hlanga playing with Njabulo.
Me: "Nyambose." He looked at me and carried on playing with Njabulo
Hlanga: "Siphosethu."
Me: "Can we please talk."
Hlanga: "I just need space Thingo please."
Me: "Okay. Hlangalezwe I love you and I am really sorry for the hurt I put you
through." I walked away
Hlanga: "Siphosethu!" I turned "I love you, I just need space especially after the
things you said."
Me: "Baby I said a lot of things."
Hlanga: "And I heard all of it. So give me the time to think things through."
Me: "Okay" I left him and Njabulo to join Nolwazi and Cebo over wine. At that
point fear crept in, was he thinking maybe he made the wrong choice about
marrying me or he really wanted to fix us?
HLANGA
Part of me was mad at the person Thingo was becoming, the city had indeed
changed her but she was too naïve to see it. I was partly to blame though, I took
us a bad path. Had I kept it in my pants the window of seeing someone who
wasn’t me wouldn’t have been opened and she was right, I hadn't been the best
husband to her. I had to much on my plate and that somehow made things
complicated for me at home. This incident was a wake up call of how I took
Thingo for granted and just assuming that all she needed was money. I loved that
woman, her flaws and her mistakes were just a reminder that she wasn’t perfect
and I needed to remember that because in my eyes she was perfect and than
some. I also needed to remember that I myself wasn't perfect and I came with a
lot of baggage and somehow she's been around begging me to open up and trust
that she wasn't going anywhere. I needed to change, it was long over due.
Thingo: “Oh you back?” I nodded. I was still hurt but I was going to look past it
eventually. Forgiveness is a process I am still learning and I honestly didn't see
myself with anyone else but Thingo so my ego was the least of my problems.
“Should I make you breaksfast? I didn’t feel like anything greasy so I had cereal.”
She got out of bed since she was studying in bed. It was a bit chilly outside. I was
really proud of her, yes she had changed from the innocent Thingo we had come
to know but she was months away from getting what she came for
Me: “Please.” I took out a hoody from my closet and I went downstairs to watch
tv. After some time she handed me a tray with everything I liked including cold
milk. “Thank you.”
Thingo: “I will be upstairs if you need me.”
Me: “Okay.” I ate my breakfast and scrolled through the tv channels. I found
myself watching keeping up with the Kardashians. I missed her that moment. I
went up and she was crying. “Shit!” her tears made me so weak and uneasy. I got
in bed and I held her until she calmed down, I may have anger issues but they
were not misdirected and hurting her wasn't something I was going to have on my
conscience. I didn’t know how much of a cry baby Thingo was until we started
having problems.
Thingo: “Nyambose I am sorry, I can't lose you Hlangalezwe.” She looked so ugly
when she cried.
Me: “Thingo you are mine, I am the only one who is suppose to make you happy.”
I was really possessive when it came to her and I wasn’t ashamed to admit it.
Thingo: “I am yours.” We stared at each other.
Me: "Baby everything you said that day you were not wrong. Baby you've been
complaining about my up and down movements and I haven't been listening to
you. Thingo lwam I took you for granted and I am really sorry for that. I don't
condone what you did but I guess it was a way of making me see that I could lose
you at any moment and I can't lose you Thingo lwam."
Thingo: "I am really sorry for hurting Nyambose, I wasn't thinking with my head.
You won't lose me Hlangalezwe, you are my life-line." We were still staring into
each other's eyes. I wanted to take her that moment but I was probably going to
tear her pussy it up it was best I keep it myself. “You want me to take care of
that?” she used her eyes to point at my erected penis. I smiled, I was really
tempted but I hadn’t released in so long. I needed to fuck not a blowjob.
Me: “No I am good. Go back to studying.” She was a bit disappointed. A part of
me was happy, I am screwed up in the head I know. She went back to her books
while I tried to take a nap. Sleeping in the car was uncomfortable and hotels
reminded me of the idiot was because that’s where I took the Sino.
=======
Police officer: “Hlangalezwe Mthethwa you are under arrest for the rape and
assault of Sino Masuku. You have the right to remain silent…” this was a prank or I
was dreaming, right?
Me: “What the fuck?” it was a set-up an obvious one at that. I looked at Thingo
“Baby I didn’t do this.”
Thingo: “Hlanga.” She said in the lowest tone. It broke my heart, the hurt on her
face while tears rolled down her cheeks. She might have thought I was a monster.
They handcuffed me and put me in the van.Hlanga: "Siphosethu!" I turned "I love
you, I just need space especially after the things you said."
Me: "Baby I said a lot of things."
Hlanga: "And I heard all of it. So give me the time to think things through."
Me: "Okay" I left him and Njabulo to join Nolwazi and Cebo over wine. At that
point fear crept in, was he thinking maybe he made the wrong choice about
marrying me or he really wanted to fix us?
HLANGA
Part of me was mad at the person Thingo was becoming, the city had indeed
changed her but she was too naïve to see it. I was partly to blame though, I took
us a bad path. Had I kept it in my pants the window of seeing someone who
wasn’t me wouldn’t have been opened and she was right, I hadn't been the best
husband to her. I had to much on my plate and that somehow made things
complicated for me at home. This incident was a wake up call of how I took
Thingo for granted and just assuming that all she needed was money. I loved that
woman, her flaws and her mistakes were just a reminder that she wasn’t perfect
and I needed to remember that because in my eyes she was perfect and than
some. I also needed to remember that I myself wasn't perfect and I came with a
lot of baggage and somehow she's been around begging me to open up and trust
that she wasn't going anywhere. I needed to change, it was long over due.
Thingo: “Oh you back?” I nodded. I was still hurt but I was going to look past it
eventually. Forgiveness is a process I am still learning and I honestly didn't see
myself with anyone else but Thingo so my ego was the least of my problems.
“Should I make you breaksfast? I didn’t feel like anything greasy so I had cereal.”
She got out of bed since she was studying in bed. It was a bit chilly outside. I was
really proud of her, yes she had changed from the innocent Thingo we had come
to know but she was months away from getting what she came for
Me: “Please.” I took out a hoody from my closet and I went downstairs to watch
tv. After some time she handed me a tray with everything I liked including cold
milk. “Thank you.”
Thingo: “I will be upstairs if you need me.”
Me: “Okay.” I ate my breakfast and scrolled through the tv channels. I found
myself watching keeping up with the Kardashians. I missed her that moment. I
went up and she was crying. “Shit!” her tears made me so weak and uneasy. I got
in bed and I held her until she calmed down, I may have anger issues but they
were not misdirected and hurting her wasn't something I was going to have on my
conscience. I didn’t know how much of a cry baby Thingo was until we started
having problems.
Thingo: “Nyambose I am sorry, I can't lose you Hlangalezwe.” She looked so ugly
when she cried.
Me: “Thingo you are mine, I am the only one who is suppose to make you happy.”
I was really possessive when it came to her and I wasn’t ashamed to admit it.
Thingo: “I am yours.” We stared at each other.
Me: "Baby everything you said that day you were not wrong. Baby you've been
complaining about my up and down movements and I haven't been listening to
you. Thingo lwam I took you for granted and I am really sorry for that. I don't
condone what you did but I guess it was a way of making me see that I could lose
you at any moment and I can't lose you Thingo lwam."
Thingo: "I am really sorry for hurting Nyambose, I wasn't thinking with my head.
You won't lose me Hlangalezwe, you are my life-line." We were still staring into
each other's eyes. I wanted to take her that moment but I was probably going to
tear her pussy it up it was best I keep it myself. “You want me to take care of
that?” she used her eyes to point at my erected penis. I smiled, I was really
tempted but I hadn’t released in so long. I needed to fuck not a blowjob.
Me: “No I am good. Go back to studying.” She was a bit disappointed. A part of
me was happy, I am screwed up in the head I know. She went back to her books
while I tried to take a nap. Sleeping in the car was uncomfortable and hotels
reminded me of the idiot was because that’s where I took the Sino.
=======
Police officer: “Hlangalezwe Mthethwa you are under arrest for the rape and
assault of Sino Masuku. You have the right to remain silent…” this was a prank or I
was dreaming, right?
Me: “What the fuck?” it was a set-up an obvious one at that. I looked at Thingo
“Baby I didn’t do this.”
Thingo: “Hlanga.” She said in the lowest tone. It broke my heart, the hurt on her
face while tears rolled down her cheeks. She might have thought I was a monster.
They handcuffed me and put me in the van.

»31«
CONTINUED
NARRATED
Palesa took the brave decision to consult with a doctor because her plan to fall
pregnant wasn't working.
Dr: "Good day Miss Moloi. How can I be of assistance today?"
Palesa: "My boyfriend and I have been trying for a baby but we've been failing. So
I took the decision to come and see you maybe get me on fertility drugs or
something to help us conceive."
Dr: "Oh I see. We'd have to run a few tests just to see how your body is doing but
in some cases its best that we test the couple involved because in some cases you
find out that its the male who has an issue." Palesa knew that was a no go area
for her.
Palesa: "My boyfriend is out of the country right now, work stuff. Can't you deal
with me for now and as soon as he gets back I'll bring him."
Dr: "We can do that." She stood up from her desk "Come this side please." They
went to an exam room and she tested everything from her urine to her blood and
lastly pelvic ultrasound. "The results will take 3 days at most due to backlog so
don't panic until we have the tests back."
Palesa: "Okay thanks doctor." She took a cab back to her place and packed her
bag, she really hated being so far away from Clive because it meant she didn't
know what he was up to. Mimi was a threat and a dangerous one because of the
fact that she was Njabulo's mother. Thanks to Clive's random deposits she could
afford flights and weaves because her salary was enough for survival.
Palesa: "Baby I just landed at the airport, please come fetch me."
Clive: "Palesa I am not in Gauteng right now. Why didn't you tell me you were
coming?"
Palesa: "It was a last minute thing hle baby. I'll wait for you at ausi Manini."
Clive: "Okay. I'll see you when I come back." She took a cab to her sisters
townhouse. Manini lived the life and it was supported by her married boyfriend.
Manini: "Mo ghel bona ojwang(girl look at you), wa glowa mo ghel(you are
glowing girl) I mean Bali glow." they hugged with her older sister
Palesa: "Gomonatee mo ghel(life is good)!" They bonded over champagne and
somehow the conversation ended up being about Clive and Mimi
Manini: "I don't why you haven't quit your job. You are not serious Palesa. Clive
stays just an hour away from this baby mama and wena o kae 2 provinces away."
She was judging her sister.
Palesa: "Ahha ausi it will look sketchy if I am suddenly full time in Pretoria. I am
serving my notice as we speak. People get retrenched all the time, well I am one
of them." They laughed and high fived at Palesa's plan.
Manini: "Yes. After that you'll give him a kid and he's yours." She was really
hoping the results come back with good news because she was banking on being
with Clive forever.
======
Clive: "My business meeting took longer than expected." They hugged
Palesa: "Baby I am being retrenched. Apparently my performance has been bad
so I was one of the first to go." Clive felt sorry for her
Clive: "I am really sorry baby." He comforted her "You'll find another job."
Palesa: "None of the companies I applied to have answered me Clive. What am I
going to do?" She acted stressed
Clive: "You need to be patient Pali things will work themselves out."
Palesa: "Thank you for your support sthandwa sam." They kissed
Clive: "I got you. Let me shower, I am still in yesterday's clothes." He took off his
shirt and his vest. Palesa got the shock of her life. Clive had nail scratches and bite
marks, it was clear sex injuries. But she didn't say anything, she wasn't ready for
the truth. The thought of losing Clive made her sick to the pit of her stomach. She
needed to get pregnant fast and so she joined her man in the shower.
Palesa: "I missed you." She tried kissing him but he backed away
Clive: "Baby I just want to shower and sleep. I have been up since yesterday."
Palesa: "Okay." She was really hurt, she felt rejected. The following day she left
for Kimberley to see the doctor
Dr: "It's good to see you again Miss Moloi, I have your test results." I nodded "I
am afraid they are not good. The pelvic ultrasound we found that you have cysts
in your ovaries which might be the cause of you failing to conceive." She didn't
understand anything the doctor said
Me: "What is that, is it treatable?" That's what she needed to know
Dr: "I am afraid there is no cure for cysts but contraceptive medication help with
the hormonal imbalances."
Me: "What!! that won't help me conceive."
Dr: "I wasn't done Miss Moloi your other option is surgery, we'll remove them
surgically and that will up your chances."
Me: "Okay. Give me all the information on the surgery." She didn't need to think
about it, she was dealing with her problem the sooner the better.
HLELO
Simo was a totally different person now. I couldn't recognize him as my younger
brother anymore and everyone had tried their best to be supportive and be
understanding of what he was going through but he has taken things too far
because he was disrespectful to our parents now.
Me: "What's your plan Simosihle?"
Simo: "Gugulethu I don't need a lecture right now. The reason why I am here is
because I can't be home because if its not Qwabe lecturing me its mamazi." So
basically he ran away
Me: "I am asking because at the rate you are going at Simo nothing good will
come out of it."
Simo: "..."
Me: "Simo I consider you lucky more than me because you have the Gumede
blood running through your veins. Only a piece of paper makes me our parents'
daughter and technically we are not even related. Yes Fezeka gave birth to you
but imagine the life you would've lived had you stayed with her. That woman has
a drinking problem and heaven only knows what other problems she has. But
things happened this way and mamazi raised you, the bond you have with
mamazi is amazing Simosihle."
Simo: "..."
Me: "The way I see it you are your siblings only hope, because you have siblings
and maybe you can even help your mother see you for the blessing that you are.
Holding on to the past makes things worse. Let go Gumede and find good in your
misfortune. Change your story and not just yours and even Fezeka's too."
Simo: "She didn't even want look at me Hlehle."
Me: "Maybe we overwhelmed her. Try maybe going with baba or yourself. Give it
another try and if it failed it failed. Simo none of this is your fault so don't ruin
your life over something you can't control."
Simo: "You have a point. I'll think about this."
Me: "Don't rush things, they'll fall into place eventually."
Simo: "This thing affected me so much Hlehle I think I am going to fail grade 11."
Me: "You still have the 4th term if you give in your all you'll make it. I am here to
help."
Simo: "Okay. Thank you for everything Hlehle and honestly I am grateful for that
piece of paper because I don't know what I'll be without you or any of you for that
matter."
Me: "You've been focusing on the negative things Simo. We are here and we love
you and we also can't imagine life without you."
Simo: "Okay. I need to get my shit together."
Me: "Please. Now call the parents and tell them you are here and you are safe."
Simo: "Okay." Times like these you really understand that we need people in our
lives. Friends and family to enjoy the happy days with and push us through the
bad. I got a call from the gate and Thingo wanted to come in. At our estate there
were no she's a regular so let her in, no they called us every time. It was a safe
estate indeed.
Me: "Hey babe, you've been crying Thingo." I hugged her. Thingo and Hlanga
were something else. On their good days they were inseparable and on their bad
it was world war 3.
Thingo: "Alime said I should meet him here."
Me: "Okay. Is everything okay?" I was really concerned.
Thingo: "No, Hlanga has been arrested for rape." WTF!! "He didn't do it
Gugulethu. He's my beast and I know him, he's a gentle beast. When I met Hlanga
I was roaming through the streets at night because I didn't fit in at some party. He
almost ran me over, he later offered me a ride and said it wasn't safe for me to be
out in the streets late at night. I asked him if I could trust him and he said of
course, he has a sister and he wouldn't want anything to happen to her." She
really loved and trusted her man
Me: "Oh 'Bow so what are you going to do."
Thingo: "I asked Alime to help me hack his phone and maybe there's evidence
there and I have already retained a lawyer for him since I am not qualified yet."
She giggled.
Me: "Okay I know a few things about hacking. I guess my time with Melisizwe
wasn't a complete waste." We went to my room and I did my thing and the phone
unlocked
Thingo: "Oh wow! You know your stuff. Let's go to his messages." We did and his
emails, we tore his phone apart and the things we found, my friend was so
embarrassed that I saw them.
Me: "'I know this is embarrassing for you, this is not something id want to know
about your husband but I am your friend and I value our friendship, so we'll never
speak of it ever again. Plus I am soon to be a lawyer so attorney-client privilege."
She giggled and hugged me. I wiped her tears, shes been through a lot she didn't
need me judging her for her husband's mistakes.
Thingo: "Hlelo I am really lucky to call you a friend."
Me: "I am lucky too, at some point roles will be reversed and I know I can rely on
you."
Thingo: "Of course. I love you MaMnguni."
Me: "I love you too Thingo lwenkosazane."
Thingo: "Let me go deal with this."
Me: "Keep me posted okay."
Thingo: "Okay I will." I walked her to her car and she left. Alime and Sbonga came
back with Sbonga dirty, he looked like a construction worker
Me: "Alime whenever you take my son, he comes back in state I can't deal with."
Alime: "Sbonga has friends so they play." He didn't even care. Alime had a
girlfriend somewhere where there's sand because Sbonga looked pale.
Me: "Sbongakonke don't touch anything straight to the bathtub."
Sbonga: "Mama I am lazy." The King had answers to everything now. He looked
like his father the more he grew. I honestly didn't want Melisizwe complicating
our lives, we were doing fine without him.
Sbonga: "I miss 'Bow mama." He loves Rainbow and she loved him back. Thingo
spoilt my son with toys and junk food that's why she was his favorite. All in all my
life was still the same Thendo was still his nerd boring self. The guy doesn't drink
or go out, but I was keeping him around for servicing. Simo seemed better from
when he came so maybe our talked reached his soul.

»32«
NQOBANI
Me: "Mimi I like what we have here and having to wake up to you and Njabulo is
something I didn't know I wanted. I love every minute of it." It was time I
admitted my feelings.
Mimi: "So what are you saying?" She really wanted me to spell it out for her
Me: "I want us to try being a couple and see where it takes us. I don't want to
rush things kodwa MaSelepe you drive me crazy. I have myself doing things I am
not proud of." Like having her followed and she smiled. I didn't see myself falling
for her, I don't know what or how it happened. "I'll take that smile as a yes."
Mimi: "Clive you are still with Palesa." Whenever I was with her, its like she wasn't
even in the picture.
Me: "I'll take care of her don't worry. All I need is you telling me that we'll be
together. Ngyakcela mama ka Njabulo, I'll make you happy." She giggled. I really
wanted to try with her. Mimi bought out a very possessive side of me. I had
practically moved in with them.
Mimi: "Okay. Clive please don't play with my feelings."
Me: "Never." We kissed. "I want to be with you Mimi and its not about sex.
Maybe I rushed things with Pali, I don't know. My anger towards your
recklessness blinded me to the person you really are. You are a good and strong
person. I admire you for choosing to take responsibility for your actions no matter
how bad the situation was." It takes a very strong person to admit and try and fix
their mistakes. I really did admire her for being mature about the situation. "Look
now you have a son that adores you and that somehow opened my eyes." I was
really attracted to her. Mimi was honest about who she was whether she was
sleeping around or trying to get her shit together. With her you knew who you
were dealing with.
Mimi: "Thank you for those kind words, it means a lot to me. Like I said before
Njabulo changed my life."
Me: "I guess we have that in common." We just looked at each other. I had to
deal with the Palesa issue, it had been hanging over my neck for too long. Don't
get me wrong its not what I had with Palesa didn't mean anything or that there
was something wrong with her. She was a kind and beautiful woman and she
deserved better than me and my baggage, I realized that.
Palesa: "The photographer sent me the birthday pictures and they are amazing!"
She said smiling and taking her tablet. We viewed them together "I was thinking
of us having a family photoshoot. What do you think?"
Me: "I like it. We look good in these photos." We really did "My boy looks so
happy. He reminds me of my father when he wasn't himself."
Mimi: "You don't talk about your family Clive."
Me: "There's nothing much to tell baby. My father beat my mother and I every
chance he got, sometimes he beat us up just for breathing." She looked at me
with so much pity and I hated it.
Mimi: "I am really sorry to hear that."
Me: "Its in the past. That's why I plan to be the best father to this little guy and his
future siblings because no one deserves what I went through."
Mimi: "You are the best daddy in the world." That warmed my heart. Mimi
appreciated everything I did and somehow it motivated me to do more.
Me: "Did you not hear the part about future siblings. We giving Njabulo a sister
soon right?" I gave her a questioning look
Mimi: "No no Mr Mthimkhulu. Njabulo just turned 1 and I just got my hot body
back."
Me: "I am still waiting to hear where the problem is?"
Mimi: "It's too soon Nqobani plus I am still studying and my job is demanding."
Part of me wanted to say she didn't need to but she wanted to finish her degree
this time and it will be selfish of me.
Me: "And I am supportive of all your dreams MaSelepe but our family shouldn't
stop growing while you achieving your goals." She sighed
Mimi: "Clive we just became official like 5 minutes ago. You are still not sure of
your feelings for me." She took my hands and held them "As much as we adore
our son but he wasn't planned. We haven't spoken about what we want and need
from this relationship. Let's give this relationship a chance then we'll talk siblings
later." She kissed me "Okay?"
Me: "Okay." Was Mimi not trusting that I was in this with her? "Let's go to
Bloemfontein and go see Sne, I miss her."
Mimi: "Okay. Let me pack Njabulo's bag."
Me: "Pack an overnight bag as well. We'll come back tomorrow."
Mimi: "Okay." She went up and I went to fetch Njabulo's stroller. As much as he
was walking now but he got tired and he was heavy to carry. After sometime we
left. The drive to Bloem was fun with Mimi and Njabulo singing. Their bond was
great, it looked like my son was a mama's boy.
Sne: "Who's aunt's big boy." And Njabulo smiled "Yes you are." She picked him up
"I really missed you guys."
Mimi: "Hows matric treating you."
Sne: "I am so over it, gosh!" My sister was a snob, her Zulu was so bad. She
couldn't hold a conversation in Zulu and I was partly to blame for that, I didn't
enforce it on her but I was really proud of how much she had grown. "Its too
much pressure."
Me: "I am expecting good marks from you Snenhlanhla."
Sne: "You promised me a car bhuti so be prepared." I laughed "Nam I want a
Range Rover like ausi Mimi."
Me: "What are you going to do with a Range Rover?"
Sne: "Drive it, duh!" She said with attitude. I laughed. Spending time with her was
great, she really has grown. I booked us into a hotel and we had dinner and we
later went to bed.
Mimi: "Baby we can't have sex with Njabulo on the bed." I was busy kissing her
neck while I help her out of her top and bra
Me: "We'll take the couch. Ngaycela baby."
Mimi: "Mmm." I'll take that as a yes plus she was helping me out of my pants.
Things got heated by the minute. "Clive condom."
Me: "Its in the car, I'll pull out. I promise." She looked at me. I chuckled "Trust me
MaSelepe."
Mimi: "Okay." I gently placed her back on the couch and she opened her legs
"Aaaah Hadebe!!" I was in and it felt amazing
Me: "Fuck!!" I slowly moved. Each and every thrust was filled with emotion. Mimi
and I had chemistry for sure.
Mimi: "You are amazing Clive Aaaah" she's always been loud and vocal. She
opened her legs and that threw me over the egde because I went deeper. Her
nails were deep in my skin and the endless scratching. "Yess!!!l"
Me: "Shit! Shit!" We kept at it for a while.
Mimi: "Aaaaah!!!" She came apart
Me: "Fucken great!!" I wasn't far behind myself. We sat properly while catching
our breathe and with her head on my chest. I loved having her in my arms, it felt
right.
Mimi: "Nqobani." She kissed my chest than my lips "I love you." She was making it
easy for me to fall for her.
Me: "Mimi."
Mimi: "Shhh. I am not going to rush you to say it back but I can't hide my feelings
so I want you to know." We kissed a long and passionate kiss.
Me: "Okay. Let's sleep." We slept.
=======
Early morning I drove to Kimberley, it wasn't far away from Bloem anyway. I
needed to put Palesa in my rear view.
Palesa: "Clive what are you doing here." She opened her arms for a hug
Me: "I can't stay long but we need to talk Pali and its best to do this face to face."
Palesa: "Clive please don't do this." Was it obvious?
Me: "Palesa what we have was good while it lasted and I really wanted us to work
out. You deserve better than me, I come with too much baggage and I realize now
of how selfish it was for me to expect you to stay with me through this mess. I am
really sorry."
Palesa: "Clive you promised me that things won't change and that you love me."
Me: "I know and I am really sorry for not keeping my promise. Palesa you are an
amazing person, you'll find someone who will love you like you need to be loved."
Palesa: "You don't get it Clive, I deserve you! Baby I love you. Things were fine
what changed?"
Me: "My heart changed Palesa. I am really sorry for hurting you like this but we
both deserve happiness just not with each other. I really did love you Pali and I
still care about you but I need something or someone different." I hugged and
kissed her forehead and left her place crying. I felt like shit. She really didn't
deserve all of this. On my drive back Chance called
Me: "Chancellor."
Chance: "Hlanga has been arrested."
Me: "WTF?? Why?"
Chance: "Where are you?"
Me: "Free State."
Chance: "Mxm!" He hung up on me. Mimi's call wasn't far.
Mimi: "You just left us in bed like that no text no note."
Me: "I'll explain when I get there. Get ready we need to head back"
Mimi: "Okay." We hung up. Whatever Hlanga has gotten himself in I hope its
fixable, I thought.
HLANGA
I got to the station and I was booked in and I was led to the interrogation room. I
wasn’t going to say anything until I knew what evidence they had against me.
PO: “Where were you night of April 23?”
Me: “I don’t know, dates are a problem for me because sometimes I go a week
without sleeping.”
PO: “Let me refresh your memory.” He played a video of Sino and I at a hotel bar.
The footage showed us going to the room I had booked. Than he stopped it.
Me: “Now that we know where I was on the day at question, what is the
problem?”
PO: “Miss Masuku claims that night you took advantage of her.”
Me: “Id say we took advantage of each other officer. She was drunk and so was I
and things escalated. That happens when there is alcohol is involved.” All I said
was the truth. We did have a crazy night.
PO: “That’s not how Miss Masuku remembers it.”
Me: “How does she remember it?” that girl is a little psycho. I know I shouldn’t
have gone back to her but I was hurt was too much. The night at question was the
night I found about Thingo was entertaining that lame boy.
PO: “You know the charges against you are pretty serious right?” I nodded “We
have compelling evidence as well.”
Me: “Humour me.”
PO: “Your DNA on her finger tips. These pictures and the footage of course.” He
opened a file of Sino looking all beaten up and that wasn’t me.
Me: “Can I get my phone call now?” I have heard all that I needed to hear. That
case was weak and he knew it.
PO: “You are going down for this. We are sick and tired of you rich black men
thinking you can get away with everything because you have money. Well money
has nothing over this evidence.” I wasn’t interested guys. I didn’t do anything and
that girl was going to know what I am capable of. I dialled the number
Chance: “What the fuck Hlanga, what are you doing there?” I guess the station’s
extention showed on his phone. Me: “Get me out of here Thuba. And check on
my wife please.”
Chance: “Sharp. Please behave.” I chuckled and we hung up.
PO: “We are transferring you to Leeukop Prison. You will do your appearances
from there.”
Me: “I dont think you can do that without my lawyer present.”
PO: “You never requested a lawyer or said you are waiting for one.”
Me: “I think that was me implying that everything to happen from here onwards
will be through my lawyer.”
PO: “You son of a bitch. You think you are smart?” wasn’t it obvious “We don’t
have space in our cells.”
Me: “That’s not my problem now is it?” That was the upside with dealing with the
law in SA. Incompetent and low on resources. “I know my rights.” Perks of
sleeping next to a law student. She was going to make a great lawyer it was
evident “So until my lawyer gets here, you and I shouldn’t be talking.”
PO: “Shit!!” he got up and left. Sino was going to know me. After what felt like
hours and I think I might have dosed off, the officer followed by a man in a suit
and my wife got in.
Me: “Baby.” I stood up
Thingo: “Sssh.” He looked at the officer “You didn’t even offer him water or food.
Let alone a bathroom break.”
PO: “He didn’t say …”
Man: “He doesn’t have to, you know he has a right to proper care. I will deal with
you later.”
Thingo: “We’d like the room please. All cameras off.”
PO: “Of course.” He left.
Man: “I am advocate Sokhulu. From Sokhulu Attornies.” I nodded “Your wife here
hass reatained me.” I looked at my wife and she looked like she had been crying.
“The case is circumstancial. Depending on what the prosecutor is going to say, but
the DNA is a little compromising.”
Me: “So what does that mean? Because all that happened that night was
consentual.”
Sokhulu: “Let me do my job Mr Mthethwa.” I nodded “Your bail hearing is
tomorrow so you might have to spend a night.”
Me: “Can you you give my wife and I space please.”
Sokhulu: “Okay let me go deal with that officer. I will be in touch.” We nodded
and he left.
Thingo: “Your food.” I looked at her and smiled. She took care of me even when I
disappointed her “You have a lot of explaining to do.”
Me: “I know.” I ate the Nandos chicken she bought for me
Thingo: “I will use the money on the savings account for bail.”
Me: “Don’t worry about that, I will take care of it.”
Thingo: “Hlanga should I be worried? I mean are you a sex addict or something?”
Me: “Haibo!! Of course not Siphosethu, why would you think that? I didn’t do
this.” She took something out from her handbag. It looked like it was
conversations between Sino and I. “Where and how did you get this?”
Thingo: “Phone sex, really Hlanga? That girl's naked pictures are all over your
phone. You even sent her your penis Hlangalezwe!!” she was a little pissed and I
felt like shit “You might get off on these charges because this girl is obsessed but
now I want to know and understand better if its sex you wanted why didn’t you
come home?”
Me: “We haven’t been in a good space Thingo you know that and it happened on
the day I found out about you and Lunathi. I know I shouldn’t have added fuel to
an already burning fire. Thingo I was angry and hurt and the only way I could
channel that was with sex. You know I am fucked up, I don’t deal with things like
normal people do.” After some time Chance came back with Sokhulu and the
officer.
Chance: “Uncuff him.” He did “Asambe Hlanga.”
Me: “What does this mean for the case?”
Sokhulu: “I will deal with it and keep you posted but you getting out today, I don’t
know about it.” We laughed and we left. I got in Thingo’s car and she drove us
home. It was already evening.
Thingo: “Your friend is scary.” I chuckled. Chance was an acquired taste
Me: “He is harmless.”
Thingo: “mmmh.” The rest of the way home, was silent. I was a bit scared of what
Thingo thought of me. I wanted us to talk some more and set things straight. We
got home and we went inside. I went to the lounge and I sat down. Thingo came
back with a bottle of Remy Martin and two shot glasses.
Me: “I will go fetch the ice.” I stood up and came back with a tray. I poured us two
shots each on the rocks and we started drinking.
Thingo: “I asked Baba to help me find my birth father.” I choked on my drink. “My
point here is I am dealing with my issues. You should also deal with yours.” I think
my wife and I were having share-time
Me: “Why didn’t you tell me? We in this together.”
Thingo: “Are we? Are we in this together Hlanga or we just like the idea of being
there for each other without being really there for each other?” she was asking a
valid question, something that had been eating at me. “Baby you have serious
anger issues and you are a war veteran of course you are expected to have some
form of emotional scar but you married me because you wanted to build with me
and grow old with me. So Hlangalezwe be here, be fucked here with me.” we
were now lying on the soft carpet facing up
Me: “I am ready to give us a chance Thingo lwam.” she looked at me “This whole
jail thing made me realize that and its also been something I have been thinking
about, that there is no right moment and I will never be ready if I don’t push
myself. So we have to make it ourselves, Thingo lwam ngyakthanda and I don’t
want any woman but you.” She pecked my lips and I deepened the kiss but she
stopped me
Thingo: “Ngyakthanda nam Nyambose.” I smiled. I kissed her again.
Me: “So we are doing it the whole married couple thing?”
Thingo: “We have been doing it, we were just half-assing it. From now on
Hlangalezwe you deal with whatever here with me at home if we have to fight
each other or wrestle I don’t care but you don’t leave this house.”
Me: “Of course mamasekhaya.” I made her look at me “I will let you in baby but
please don’t rush me. I want to, believe me I do but its not easy.”
Thingo: “I know my love, but I am not going anywhere. Nyambose you have seen
me through the worst of times so believe me when I say I am here to stay.” I
believed her. She was really my rainbow. We kissed and we carried on drinking. I
didn’t see the point of leaving my house anymore when I had my personal
rainbow in the house. I was going to try and get better for her and trusted her
word more.

»32«
CONTINUED
NATHAN
Me: "Get everyone here now!"
Ndu: "Yini ijive Nathan(What's the problem)?"
Me: "You'll see. You'll find me at the shooting range when they get here."
Ndu: "Sharp." I went to the shooting range and I aimed at the targets.
Sam: "Everyone is here and Nicky is ready for her duties and thank God for that." I
laughed
Me: "I thought you loved my family Sam." She laughed
Sam: "I do Sonke and I get along just fine but Boss Lady asks a lot of questions and
she's forever crying now yooh." I laughed
Me: "You are weak man Sam!" We walked back to the common room.
Me: "Ndu where's Hlanga and Clive."
Clive: "Right here." They entered follwed by a young lady.
Me: "And then?"
Hlanga: "Gents this is Sino Masuku. She said I raped here, she's the reason I was
arrested."
Me: "What the fuck?"
Hlanga: "She wants my attention and she has all of it now. Where I go she goes."
Sino: "But I dropped the charges."
Hlanga: "No one asked you." He looked pissed. "Why are we here."
Chance: "Sorry I am late." He looked at Hlanga "And then?"
Hlanga: "She's my handbag now." We laughed. This guy was crazy
Me: "Back to business guys but before I do that. When I recruited some of you I
told you that loyalty is top of the list right."
Guys: "Yes."
Me: "Even with the merger we established a family tree, am I right?"
Guys: "Yes."
Me: "Thabo where do you get off sniffing around my family. When I told you look
out for them I didn't give you permission to cross the line."
Thabo: "Big guy, can we talk about this." I looked at him, I was really pissed.
Me: "Talking is the last thing I want to do right now. Guys Thabo is the opposite of
loyal and we don't need him in our family. So if any of you crosses the line like he
did. I am coming for you." I was so calm about it yet pissed.
Chance: "We'll deal with T-bose. Back to business we have a few jobs lined up so
clear your schedules and I'll hit you up with the details." They all nodded
Me: "You can leave now. Thabo come see me."
Hlanga: "You wanted my attention you'll get it." The girl she was with was crying
now. She was supposed to be scared. Everyone in that room had a gun and no
one was trying to hide it and I wanted to intimidate Thabo so I was carrying mine
as well.
Clive: "Nathan don't leave us out." I laughed, they were nosy
Me: "Fine we'll talk here." I looked at him "I want you to tell me what I should do
with you and don't tell me its nothing because you'll piss me off even more."
Thabo: "With all due respect Nathan. What happened that day was innocent, I
was just trying my luck." He wasn't even intimidated "But I don't apologise for
what I feel for Sphe. I know she's young and I get it..." I couldn't let him finish his
sentence
Me: "Deal with those feelings Thabo or you and I are done."
Thabo: "Then we are done Nathan." We were both standing and looking directly
at each other. This is why I hired the idiot, his balls
Me: "You don't want to test me Thabo."
Thabo: "I am not testing you Pierce. You haven't given me a chance Nathan. I
could make her happy."
Me: "Not with what you do for a living Thabo. Sphe is not getting involved."
Thabo: "She's already involved through you Nathan. Look fire me , its cool but
what is meant to happen will happen." He left.
Hlanga: "He's not wrong. You bought him close to your family Nathan through this
job. These are the consequences, whether you choose to ignore that fact or not
they are involved now."
Me: "Fuck you!" I left them while they laughed. I drove home and they were
getting ready to leave. "I wish you didn't have to go."
Azande: "You asked to marry Nathan so I have to go prepare for your family." She
was going to her father's house to prepare for the lobola talks.
Me: "A whole week Azande its too much."
Azande: "I honestly don't have the energy to entertain your sulking." She left the
room. If my wife, yes she is. If she wasn't eating she was rude or crying. I helped
them pack their bags
Me: "Are you going to be okay driving while pregnant?" I was worried, I had
paranoia now that she was pregnant, I didn't even want her taking the stairs, so I
moved our room to one of the downstairs rooms.
Azande: "I'll be fine don't worry. I'll take necessary breaks."
Me: "Okay. I love you, okay?"
Azande: "Okay. I love you too." We hugged and kissed. The kids came out and I
hugged them
Me: "Bye guys, I love you."
Them: "We love you bhuti."
Sonke: "We'll come back don't worry." I laughed
Me: "I know. You must call me."
Sonke: "Okay we will." Wow she didn't even have a phone mind you. They drove
away.
=====
It was the day before the lobola and I was back in Durban. The old men were
giving me lectures about marriage and how to treat my wife
Qophelo: "Learn from our mistakes Nathan."
Que: "You don't have to do what we did."
Me: "That makes sense. I really did learn a lot from you guys."
Lungelo: "We are really proud of you First born."
Mnqobi: "Be a good husband Nathan. You can't afford to be a bad one with the
job you do."
Me: "I know." We carried on conversing. A call I wasn't expecting came. "Shit. I
have to take this." I left them "Hello."
Sonia: "Hi Nathan its Sonia Brooks." I knew that.
Me: "How can I help you?" I had to keep it formal. I didn't need her trying to find
a way to re-enter my life.
Sonia: "Nathan we need to talk."
Me: "What can we possibly talk about Sonia?"
Sonia: "It can't be over the phone. Can you meet me at Elangeni hotel." Oh hell
no!
Me: "Sonia I am not interested. There's really nothing you and I could talk about."
Sonia: "Nathan we have a son. I really didn't want".
Me: "Fuck you Sonia!" I hung up. This a test, what Sonia and I didn't have was
over a year and half ago. I wasn't going to let her steal my happiness.
NARRATED
The inkosi of Umzinyathi wasn't doing well. The possibility of having a princess
was taking a toll on him.
Inkosi: "What did you find?" He asked his PI
PI: "I traced your steps from your time Cape Town all the way to Durban and I
couldn't find anything. None of the women you were with have your daughter let
alone your child." He was really disappointed "3 of the women are dead so we
can't tell for sure."
Inkosi: "Who's dead?" He wanted to be sure "Did you go to their families?"
PI: "I didn't see the point since they're dead. Martha from Matatiele died of
natural causes. Philisiwe Mfeka is also dead, murdered in a house break in and
khombisile Mth.."
Inkosi: "Did you say Phili is dead?" He couldn't believe his ears. "Okay go. Thank
you for trying." The PI nodded and left. Inkosi sat down and his thoughts took
him. Philisiwe Mfeka, the most beautiful girl he's ever laid eyes on with a voice
that gave him goosebumps. Theirs was a hopeless situation because not only was
he next in line to the throne, he was also engaged to be married to one of the
Council men daughter. They fell in love and were inseparable. Wherever
Phathisizwe was, Phili wasn't far behind. The sudden death of his father changed
everything.
...... 23 years before
Sizwe: "My father is gone, I have to head back home."
Phili: "I am really sorry to hear that sthandwa sam. I'll come support you at the
funeral." Sizwe tensed up. The funeral of inkosi was a closed funeral and only
family was allowed. He had never given Phili his family history.
Sizwe: "You have an exam Philisiwe on Monday, focus on that."
Phili: "I really want to be there for you Phathisizwe. This is not easy, I know how
hard losing a parent is." She really did, she had lost both her parents at 16 years
old. All she had was her siblings.
Sizwe: "I'll be fine. I'll see when I get back. Ngyakthanda ntokazi kaMfeka." She
smiled and that warmed Sizwe's heart.
Phili: "Ngyathanda nam Zwide kaLanga." They kissed and hugged and Sizwe went
to find the car that was sent to fetch him. After the funeral Sizwe had to take over
the throne and rule Umzinyathi, no questions asked. Family started planning and
preparing for his wedding than his ceremony as the new inkosi will follow with
Ndlovulazi Khethiwe. He couldn't even finish his studies. He went back to Durban
to tie up lose ends, as much as he didn't want to but his people needed him and
he's always known his fate.
Phili: "You are back. I have something to tell you." Sizwe couldn't prolong the
situation any longer.
Sizwe: "Phili wam, I am really sorry. There's no other way to tell you this but I am
royalty, my father was the ruling inkosi and I am next in line."
Phili: "What?" She was shocked. She never saw this coming
Sizwe: "Phili I love you with all that I am but I am engaged to someone else. But
I'd like to make you my second wife." She cried
Phili: "Leave and never come back Phathisizwe. You are a liar." She kept on
beating and punching him out the door until he was out and she shut it. Sizwe
wanted to stay and explain himself more but as the new inkosi there were othe
pressing matters so he left, leaving his heart behind and never looked back.
Umzinyathi needed him more said the ancestors and so he listened.

»33«
AZANDE
Me: "Baba bengith I was going to drive down and talk to you about this."
Baba: "Hayi man Azande, you are engaged and I had to hear from your aunt."
Sisanda blabbed to our aunt about my engagement before I had told Sakhi. My
aunt is the gossip of the family, she knows everyone's business.
Me: "I am really sorry, you didn't have to drive all the way to Johannesburg kodwa
baba." He is so dramatic.
Baba: "Ubani yena lomfana ongijwayela kambi kangaka(Who's the boy who's
pissed me off like this)?" I laughed
Me: "uNathan Pierce baba wase Durban."
Baba: "Ushada nomlungu Azande(You are marrying a white man)?" He seemed
shocked
Me: "He's not white baba, he's colored."
Baba: "Ayy ngavele ngangathemba ke(I do not trust him)" wow but this wasn't
about him "Can he even take care of you, angfuni akuthathe kanti
uyokuhluphekisa(I don't want him to marry you only to make you suffer)" if only
he knew.
Me: "Of course he can take of me baba. Since I am pregnant he bought us a bigger
house for when the baby comes." He looked at me.
Baba: "You are pregnant and getting married. A few months ago you were single
and boring and now uyashada(you are getting married)." He shook his head.
Me: "I know it's fast but baba I love him and he loves me too and he's really an
amazing guy. And he's taking care of me and the kids."
Baba: "I don't care about his pocket Azande. Is he taking care of your heart, are
you happy? I don't want you settling. You deserve the best, I know I wasn't
around to remind you that but you do Mafungwase and I want him to marry you
knowing that." My dad though, it touched me on how he wanted the best for me.
Me: "He calls me a gem so I think he does. I honestly don't see myself that way, I
think he loves me more than I love myself sometimes. The way he worries and
always looking out for me." To some degree its scary and things are worse now
that I was pregnant. Nathan was everything and more. My personal. opinion
every girl deserves a Nathan.
Baba: "He's not wrong Mafungwase. You and Sisande have really grown and its
like you planned on leaving me at the same time. Just last month it was her lobola
talks. And now your very impatient mlungu is coming in 3 weeks. I am really not
happy about this"
Me: "Hawu baba." He laughed.
Baba: "I am serious. But I am happy that you've found happiness from someone
else other than yourself. My worry as your father was that you are too strong
Azande and no man was ever going to appreciate that but instead you'll
intimidate him and somehow you'll end up lowering your standards just to
accommodate him." Wow! He really knew me that's exactly what I did with
Mxolisi and the douche before him. Things with Nathan were different, he
somehow put me in my place. I was strong when I needed to be and he didn't like
me in a bad mood. My hormones took over and I just cried at the moment we
were having with my father. "By the way things are I think I should stop
worrying." He wiped my tears. This whole time we were sitting in my office.
Me: "You really should stop worrying. I am really happy." We hugged with my
father.
Baba: "Okay that's all I have ever wanted for you. You've been through a lot and
yet you are still smiling." I wasn't someone who held on to things, it didn't help
me much and it took away my happiness. "I am spending the night at the new
house." He said like I didn't have a choice. I laughed.
Me: "Okay. Hambeke baba I have to work." He laughed
Baba: "I am going to see a friend of mine. I'll call you when I come to your house."
Me: "Okay." He left my office and I went back to work.
====
I needed serious shopping. Even at work I wore casual clothes now because
nothing fitted me. I was big and round but my skin was amazing, I was even
lighter than my normal complexion.
Me: "Guys get ready, we going shopping." Guys Nathan gave me his black credit
card and said there was no limit. You don't say that to Azande Jele. If I am not
buying shoes online and I am shopping for the kids or me, mostly me. I also
include him, just to look wife material. I still don't believe that I was soon to be
someone's wife. Hehe Azande Pierce, sounds great right. To be honest I didn't
want to be anyone's wife but Nathan's whatever problems he came with, I was
going to handle them because of the heaven he's given me. I decided to call him
since he was in Durban.
Nathan: "My wife, mother of my kids." He's always happy. I have never seen
Nathan angry or in a bad mood. "Baby let's video call, I want to see your face." He
hung up and video called me. I missed him that moment
Me: "I miss you."
Nathan: "I miss you too my wife. Umuhle man Azande." I blushed
Me: "You are also insanely hot. Nathan I love you." I really did.
Nathan: "I love you too baby. Azande I can't imagine life without you."
Me: "Me too baby. Nathan our marriage has to work, divorce is not something I'd
like to happen to me." I really didn't there wasn't anything fun about the thought
of divorce "Are you sure about us, about marrying me? You can still pull the plug."
I didn't want him to, I loved him but I also wanted him to be sure like I was.
Nathan: "Azande I knew the minute you sat next to me that I was screwed. By the
time you spilled your champagne on my suit, I was finding ways to make
conversation with you." I laughed because I was really embarrassed "Baby you
are it for me. You are what I have been looking for and waiting for. That's why
dating you didn't make sense to me."
Me: "Baby you changed my whole mindset on love and your family is just adding
to idea of what love really is." They were, Nathan was raised by real men. Those
men worship their wives.
Nathan: "I am loving you the best way I know how sthandwa sam."
Me: "And you are doing great baba wezingane zam." He chuckled, he was so hot.
If I were to be inseure, which I am Nathan deserved to be with a supermodel like
Ningi. He was smiling this whole time. "I have to go, the kids and I are going
shopping."
Nathan: "That's nice. Buy yourself a lace g-string." I laughed
Me: "Okay, what color?" I had to play along
Nathan: "Baby you know I like you in black and red oh there's that maroon one." I
was laughing so hard.
Me: "Baby you like me in anything, vuma(agree)."
Nathan: "Nyavuma(I agree) baby I like you with clothes on. I like you naked.
Azande I just love you." My word! Phone calls with Nathan are something else.
Me: "I love you too baby. Sphe and Sonke are impatient uyaz(You know) so I have
to go."
Nathan: "Okay baby. Don't forget my laces, in all colors Azande." I laughed "I am
serious baby."
Me: "Because you are marrying me I will." He laughed and kissed me through the
phone. I kissed him back and we hung up. The kids and I drove to Mandela
Square. Since we lived in Sandhurst now, Sandton was my playground. I was
somehow rich now through Nathan. The kids were long on the tip since they got
driven to school and back and Nathan supported their junk food addiction. I
wasn't about that life. Ziyanda called while the kids and I were roaming the mall. I
hadn't spoken to her since my surprise house warming party. Don't get me wrong,
I loved Ziyanda but her love for money was too much.
Me: "Hello."
Ziyanda: "I guess I deserve that. I just saw you leaving Victoria's secret shop." I
was getting Nathan his laces "Azande we need to talk. I know I took things too far
that day." At least. I wasn't brave enough to call her out.
Me: "Okay. Where are you?"
Ziyanda: "Right behind you." I turned and she really was behind me. We smiled at
each other. She might have been materialistic and we didn't share the same
sentiment but she was still my girl. She opened her arms and we hugged "I want
to be your bridesmaid Azande. I am really sorry for ruining your party and not
being happy about your engagement." She really felt bad and I was over it
Me: "Not everything is about money Ziyanda. I thought you knew that about me."
Ziyanda: "Mnganam I got carried away and imorals zalahleka(I lost my morals)."
Me: "It's okay. I am over it and of course you are my bridesmaid."
Ziyanda: "I am already on 13 days diet mnganam, I wanna looked hot in those
pictures." We laughed
Me: "Ziyanda we haven't even set a date yet and I am still big and pregnant please
don't be dramatic." We were still laughing
Ziyanda: "And you look good mnganam, pregnancy loves you." I told you.
Me: "Thank you mnganam." She joined our mall day and we later went to have
lunch at The Grillhouse. Things were happening for me in life. I was genuinely
happy. I was soon to be married, my family was growing and my friends and I got
along, what more could I ask for?
NQOBANI
Who knew that life would turn out this way for me? I had a son a very happy
girlfriend. Mimi bought out the good side of me. I owed it to myself and my son to
give us a chance, a chance to be a family. The more I spent time with her, the mor
the term "Don't be too quick to judge" made sense. And the more I realized that
people can change all one needs to do is give them a chance to prove themselves.
Mimi: "Are this all your things? Clive I cleared half of the closet for you." Yes I was
moving in with them.
Me: "I know but you and I need to talk about certain things before I fully move
in." She panicked "Relax it's not bad."
Mimi: "We need to talk" is always bad in a relationship Clive there is no
justification." I laughed
Me: "I didn't mean to scare you. I happy you cleared half of the closet for me and I
am going to use." I was finding ways to not scare her because what I was about to
bring up scared me too.
Mimi: "Okay. I invited everyone for a welcome braai later. I am really happy
you're here."
Me: "Me too." We hugged and kissed
Mimi: "Let's go pack your one suitcase so I can start on the salads."
Me: "Okay. Where's Njabulo?"
Mimi: "Lwazi and Sne came and took him. They'll come back later for the braai." I
kissed her again. I was getting ideas actually now that we were alone butbi didn't
want to seem like I was there for the amazing sex she was giving me.
Me: "Okay." She started unpacking my suitcase while we spoke about how I like
things. She was really accommodating. After she was done we went to the kitchen
Mimi: "Beer?"
Me: "Please." She gave it to me "So what have you decided about your parents?"
Mimi: "Baby I really don't want to talk about them. And to answer your question,
nothing."
Me: "Since I am your boyfriend" It really didn't sound nice "And I have a little
influence, I'd say hear them out. You don't have to talk or anything."
Mimi: "Baby I don't..."
Me: "And I'll be there with you. Mimi you don't have to be strong anymore, you
have me to lean on." I saw right through her. She had been on her own for so
long, she didn't know how to let go
Mimi: "It's been so long Nqobani. I don't even know them anymore."
Me: "Then you will start over. Baby good can come out of this. Think about it."
Mimi: "Okay." She smiled, she did that a lot.
Me: "Mama ka Njabulo." She looked at me since she was grating carrots
"Ngyakthanda." I felt liberated saying that. I was happy to say it to her
Mimi: "Ngyakthanda nam futh." I went over to her and we sealed that moment
with a breathtaking kiss. Clive was in love with Mimi, I confirmed it that day. Later
our friends and family came and we had a big braai.
Nathan: "Nidla inyama anigimemi Grootboom(when you eat meat you don't invite
me)."
Me: "My woman planned the whole thing, it was an oversight. I am glad you
came."
Nathan: "Mxm! Baby this is Clive Mthimkhulu and this is his house."
Me: "Its nice to meet you Azande."
Azande: "Likewise." She was a really beautiful woman.
Me: "Baby this is Nathan and his wife Azande."
Mimi: "I am pleased to meet you guys. Drinks are served this side."
Nathan: "I am fine for now." The ladies left and we went to join the men, Hlanga,
Lonhle and Chance. We carried on talking about general things since we couldn't
talk about our shady business
Me: "So you two know that you are my brothers right?" I was talking to the
Mthethwa brothers, they were my brothers blood or not.
Them: "Of course."
Me: "I am just emphasizing this because, I think you are soon to represent me at
the Selepe family." I think I shocked them "I am serious. She makes me happy and
I love her." I was busy looking at her while she talked to Thingo and Azande.
Hlanga: "I am happy and proud of you."
Me: "Thank you but she first has to say yes."
Lonhle: "She will. She loves you, it's all in her eyes."
Me: "I can't believe I was idiot for so long."
Hlanga: "You are not, it wasn't the right time." He was right. "I never saw you and
Mimi together."
Me: "I didn't either and it turns out she's what I needed." Who knew? We carried
on conversing and laughing. My welcome home braai really went well. "Thank you
for today."
Mimi: "Did you like it?"
Me: "Very much and your food was great." She was a very good cook
Mimi: "So how are you, are okay?"
Me: "I am great."
Mimi: "And the nightmares?" She knew about them. The night the appeared I was
spending the night with Njabulo and she was up all night studying and she heard
me. That's the night we starting having meaningful sex. She consoled and calmed
me down. She was so understanding, it was amazing.
Me: "Not since that night. Thank you again for what you did."
Mimi: "You can also lean on me baba ka Njabulo." We were looking at each other.
Me: "Ngyakthanda."
Mimi: "Lena kea ho rata(I love you too)."

»34«
HLANGA
My marriage had become toxic and no one else was responsible for that but me.
Sino or any other person wasn't to blame for the negative energy that had
entered my marriage.
Me: "Thingo lwam I take full responsibility of what has happened to our marriage.
Baby we need to find a way forward because I can't lose you." She meant a great
deal to me.
Thingo: "We need to fix what's broken Hlangalezwe through communication. So
that we can move towards what we had before."
Me: "Baby it's not always about trying to fix what's broken. Maybe it's time we
focused on starting over and creating something better. I have learnt a lot from
this Thingo lwam. I have been selfish and thinking of only myself and not
considering that you are also part of this marriage." It was time I grew up and
took a handle of my life.
Thingo: "You have a point. Baby cheating is not going to be something that we
face again in this marriage. Hlanga if you want to sleep with other people than
leave me please." She was pleading.
Me: "That's the old me Thingo. I am learning to channel my anger properly. I can't
lose you Thingo lwam so I am changing my ways." I was mostly to blame for most
of our problems.
Thingo: "I am also sorry about Lunathi and everything that might have hurt you.
You know why I have been locking my cookie?" I was waiting for her to tell me "I
have this constant fear that once we start having sex, you'll get bored and leave
me because you can get it anywhere you want anyway."
Me: "That's not true Thingo lwam, I want you and only you. I haven't been
pushing us having sex either because it wasn't going to mean anything. I love you
but I haven't been acting that way and I haven't been committed to you whereas
you have been trying. So baby all of that is in the past now. I am in this with you
and I am in it to build. I want my actions to speak for me so every second of my
free time, I will spend proving to you that you didn't make a mistake by agreeing
to marry me." She smiled. I meant every word, I had spoken too much now it was
time for my actions to confirm my words. All I have ever wanted was to make
Thingo happy. It's the reason why I married her in the first place because
somehow when she was happy, I was happy too.
Thingo: "I am really glad we met Hlangalezwe. Yes we've faced obstacles but I
don't regret anything about our love story. It has made me grow as a person and
appreciate life a little more." She smiled, she was still as beautiful as the day I
almost hit her with my car. "Mina ngyakthanda Hlangalezwe and I'll keep
choosing you until the end of me." I kissed her and she giggled
Me: "Ngyakthanda nam Thingo lwam."
Thingo: "How about we go away this weekend just you and I. Bonding and starting
over." She kissed me on the cheek and moved to my lips and down my neck. I was
liking her suggestion actually.
Me: "Okay, where do you want us to go?"
Thingo: "A wine farm somewhere. Get me drunk and maybe take advantage of
me." She said seductively and I laughed, she was ready for sex it was so obvious.
Me: "Make the bookings mamasekhaya." She jumped in excitement and went to
fetch her laptop. Losing her would be the worst thing to ever happened to me.
Thingo was the next best thing after my family of course. She booked a weekend
getaway at some wine estate in Stellenbosch and when she was done we carried
on talking about the future of our marriage and family.
Me: "So you are okay with us trying for a baby now?" Yes that was the talk we
were having. Seeing Nqobani and Njabulo made me realize that life wasn't waiting
for me because I had issues.
Thingo: "I would've liked for us to start a family after my second year of articles.
After I have found my foot in the workplace but people are talking Hlanga and I
kinda feel they have a point. This is our 3rd/4th year of marriage and we have
nothing to show for it." By people she meant my uncles and I honestly didn't think
they mattered when it came to my marriage but my wife was scared of them.
Me: "Whatever happens Thingo lwam happens, its still no pressure from me."
Thingo: "Things are so much easier when there's no pressure." She had a point.
======
Nqobani: "WTF!! Now is not a good time for me to travel Hlangalezwe." He was
really pissed
Me: "I am pissed as you Nqobani but we don't have a say in the matter, you know
that."
Nqobani: "I am over being a spy. How am I going to explain this to Mimi."
Me: "You'll find a way. Thingo and I were supposed to go away for the weekend,
she'll hate me for cancelling on her." We were called in on an emergency mission
by the UN. When it came to that job we didn't have a choice since we signed
contracts. "Go home and soften her up, we leave in the morning."
Nqobani: "Okay. Sharp." We parted ways. I got home and I found my wife packing
our suitcase, I felt bad.
Thingo: "You back. Should I pack the All Stars sneakers or your Jack Purcell?"
Me: "Please pack my work suitcase." She paused and looked at me
Thingo: "..." she was waiting for me to explain to her
Me: "Baby I know and I am really sorry. I really wanted to go with you but you
know how demanding my job is."
Thingo: "I hate your job Hlangalezwe." She went to fetch my suitcase "Its getting
in the way of our marriage." She was really hurt.
Me: "I leave in the morning, we can spend the night at a fancy hotel and you can
pretend we are at your wine estate."
Thingo: "It won't be the same Hlanga. This weekend was supposed to be you and I
disconnected from the world but connecting as a couple. A few hours won't cut if
for me." She was pissed while she was busy packing.
Me: "Tell me what to do, to get you in a better mood?" I made her stop packing "I
don't like it when you sad."
Thingo: "Stay. Don't leave me." She was pleading
Me: "I want to stay baby, believe me but ijob ijob."
Thingo: "Mxm! Than I'll be sad and miserable until you come back." She closed
the suitcase "I am still going to the wine estate, maybe I'll take Nolwazi and Hlelo
with me."
Me: "I am also disappointed by this baby. This weekend was supposed to be
about us bonding and me taking advantage of you after a few wine glasses." She
laughed and I meant "I am serious." I said smiling because she was still laughing
Thingo: "Your loss ke because I am a "yes girl" after a few glasses." my wife
though
Me: "Baby let's book a hotel room please, even if its for a few hours."
Thingo: "No Hlangalezwe. You are not going to taste my cookie than leave me,
sorry bhuti." I sulked "You even more handsome when you sulk." I laughed
Me: "I'll come back and you'll beg me to go back where I came from." She laughed
Thingo: "That day know I am bewitched or something because I hate every
minute you not around." It warmed my heart hearing that. She really did love me
and she was staying, I believed her that day. I bought her close to me and we
kissed
Me: "It feels good to be love by you Thingo lwam." She deepened the kiss
Thingo: "Please don't go my love." I honestly didn't want to
Me: "I'll come back soon, Thingo lwam. I promise." We carried on having a
moment. She really didn't agree to us spending the night at the hotel but I had to
go and I didn't know for how long.
Thingo: "Please come back Nyambose."
Me: "I will baby. Ngyakthanda Thingo lwam."
Thingo: "Ngyakthanda Hlangalezwe." We hugged for the longest time and we
kissed. My wife was in tears. It broke me to see her like that.
THINGO
Me: "Hey girl."
Mimi: "Hey Mrs. Do you mind if Njabulo and I spend the night. The house feels
weird without Clive now."
Me: "Of course I'd take even a minute just to see baby Njabs." She giggled.
Mimi: "Okay. Should I bring study snacks because I have like 3 assignments I need
to do."
Me: "Of course. I could really use some motivation right now."
Mimi: "Okay. We on our way."
Me: "Okay." It was a good thing that she was coming. Since Hlelo and Bheka had
relationships we hardly spent time together. Hlanga and Nqobani were out of the
country and it had been a month. Withdrawal symptoms of missing him had me
by the boobs, I was actually lonely. I went to cook since I was going to have guests
and I cleaned around the house just to make it presentable. While I was busy
cooking the call from the estate security came, I opened up for them
Me: "That was fast."
Mimi: "I am miserable in that house Tee. Everything reminds me of Clive and his t-
shirt that I usually sleep with doesn't smell like him anymore." Shame, she was
new at this.
Me: "Welcome to my world." I laughed. "Are you guys good?" I took the little man
and I carried him to the kitchen.
Mimi: "We are coping I guess." He was so heavy
Me: "Mimi what are you feeding my baby yooh?"
Mimi: "He likes food too much that one." We laughed
Me: "As long as you getting through. Coping is better than not being fine. I am
always here you know."
Mimi: "I know." We shared a smile.
Me: "I am really happy for you and Clive hay."
Mimi: "Clive is something else. I love the guy Thingo, I can't hide it and I can't fake
it either. But I think I come on too strong for him."
Me: "Why would you say that?"
Mimi: "I am the one who suggested he moves in with us. It wasn't a big deal, I
mean he bought the house and since we are together now, why not, you know.
And he agreed, but the guy only bought a suitcase and said we needed to talk and
next thing he leaves the country. I think he just pitied me and is with me because I
am his baby mama and dating is a bit challenging for me." She made it sound so
sad
Me: "That's not the way to look at this Mimi. If you are not happy voice it out.
Now you sound like you are not happy that's he's with you."
Mimi: "Of course I am happy. I just have this heavy feeling that maybe he's not
over Palesa or he's afraid of fully committing to me because at the back of his
mind this is not forever."
Me: "I am inexperienced at this dating thing hun but what I have learnt from my
marriage is, communication is key. Tell him your fears and see how he handles
them."
Mimi: "You have a point."
Me: "Don't be hard on yourself, relationships are work. You doing the best that
you can which is loving him the only way you know how."
Mimi: "You make really good points. I'll take it up with him."
Me: "Please." No wonder she was miserable, she sitting in that big house busy
over thinking things. We carried conversating. She took over my cooking since
Njabulo loved being treated like a baby. We later ate and we indeed hit the the
books. Mimi was a good person when you don't look at her past. They stayed the
weekend and left since she had classes.
========
I was slowly becoming the wife I had envisioned myself to be one day. Hlanga and
I started over on a clean slate. We needed to, our relationship was slowly
becoming toxic. We even changed number and only gave the people who
mattered our new numbers. Apparently he dealt with Sino accordingly and she
she dropped the charges. I was just lost because somehow he didn't even spend
the night in jail. That whole incident was dodgy but it didn't matter because he
was home and we were fixing our marriage. The more we spoke the more I
realized that he was sent to me by God. I needed him in my life because my life
without him was just a dark cloud. I still had daddy and abandonment issues
which caused me to have very little faith in men but I was slowly dealing with
them. I needed to trust Hlanga in order for us to make it but I had to find the
answers I have had all my life. Baba’s report back about the search for my father
was still pending. It was stressful but I didn’t let it get to me, I had to obtain my
degree so my focus was solely on that oh and my beast.
Hlanga: “Hey baby.” I jumped out of my chair.
Me: “You are back.” I hadn’t seen him in 2 months. So the excitement was
expected. I attacked him with the tightest hug and we just stood there in each
other’s arms taking in the moment. “I missed you.”
Hlanga: “I missed you more.” We kissed for the longest time. We stopped and
looked at each other, I was really happy to see him
Me: “You get more handsome everyday.” He chuckled and I meant it
Hlanga: “Here I was thinking the same. I swear baby you get more beautiful the
more you grow.” I giggled
Me: “Thank you.” I took his hand and led us up the stairs to our bedroom. He
slammed the door. I think we had the same idea in mind. We kissed deeply and
my hand made it to his manhood “He never disappoints.” I said in between the
kiss. He chuckled
Hlanga: “He is home.” I couldn’t help it but be happy to hear him say that. The
kissing got interesting he took off his t-shirt because that’s all I wear when I am
home and no underwear. “Fuck Thingo lwam.” he squeezed my ass and a soft
moan left my mouth. I helped him out of his hoody followed by his top and he
was left in just his jeans. I went on my knees and helped him out of his jeans and
briefs, a very excited young Nyambose sprug free. He was everything, I was really
obsessed about Hlanga’s dick guys I admit that. I held on to its base while my
tongue circled the tip gently
Me: “I missed him.” I really did.
Hlanga: “Show him how much he was missed.” I was stroking it in a slow pace
Me: “Allow me.” I started giving him a very hard hand job
Hlanga: “Fuck mama!!” I was on the right track. I went back to circling my tongue
on his tip making sure there is pressure this time “Aaaahh!!” I hadn’t started
sucking yet. I sucked his tip like a lollipop nice and slow. His hands held on to my
weave pushing me harder that was indication that I had to go all in and hard. My
husband was so impatient though. I took young Nyambose all and I sucked him
hard and dry “Thingo lwam!!” I wasn’t having mercy on him “Baby you are killing
me.” That was the plan, kill him with pleasure. I bought him closer with my nails
digging in deep into his ass
Me: “mmmmh.” I was gagging on it and he loved it. He started shaking.
Hlanga: “Baby, baby!!!” I pulled out and look at him “Don’t stop!! Fuck.” I put him
back in mouth and sucked occasionally popping him out and making the popping
sound “Aaaah Thingo lwam. Faster baby.” He was building up since he wanted me
to go faster and I over performed “Shiiit!! Aaaaah damn it!!” he unloaded all our
babies in my mouth. He roughly picked me up and threw me on the bed, causing
me to giggle. He got in between my legs and we kissed, so passionately. I held his
face while one of his hand made its way to my nuna. I was dripping wet “You so
wet mama.” He inserted on of his fingers
Me: “Mmmh ye.” He inserted the second one. “Aaaah.” He stopped midway and
nibbled on my ear and kissed my jawline down to my boobs. He took his time
there, giving each one too much attention. He would suck and softly graze his
teeth and that drove me crazy “Aaah Nyaamb..se.” I was losing my breath. He
came back to my lips and gave me one short kiss and went down to eating me up
Hlanga: “You always keep it perfect Thingo lwam.” He loved my shaved pussy
Me: “Just for you my love.” He chuckled
Hlanga: “Mama is wet, lets dry her up.” I giggled and he didn’t let me finish my
giggle as he started sucking my clit.
Me: “Oooh baby!!” he went to tracing his tougue around the clit. It was amazing
and I couldn’t keep my hands to my self. I held on to his bald head as he went
down to the most important part. He kept on pushing his tongue deeper in me
and the deeper he went the wider I opened my legs. I was building up and it was
coming at me fast. His other hand started rubbing my clit roughly “Aaah sooo
good baby.” It was out of this world “I am close.” The room became dark and I felt
myself shaking and my toes curled “AAaaaah yesss!!” I released and he cleaned
me up with his tougue.
Hlanga: “You taste good baby.” He came and kissed me and I could taste my juices
and that somehow turned me on even more. We kissed and I loved every
moment of our making out session. Suddenly I felt his penis knock in my locked
vagina. I jumped, we haven’t had sex we were still on the oral tip.
Me: “Baby.” I made him look at me
Hlanga: “I will be gentle. Trust me mamasekhaya.” I nodded, I was ready and it all
for the right reasons.
Me: “Okay.” we kissed again and gently he pushed himself in but it was painful
“Baba kubhlungu(it's painful).” I could feel my tears threatening to come out.
Hlanga: “I know mama but its only …” with no warning he slammed into me hard
and I screamed “I am sorry baby, it wont hurt forever, okay.” I nodded, I was
crying “Ngyakthanda Thingo lwam.”
Me: “Ngyakthanda nam Nyambose.”
Hlanga: “Now open up for me baby.” I must have closed my legs. I opened wider
and he started moving “Feels like home Thingo lwam.” I was in pain but the more
he moved the better the pain got. “Mmmmh.”
Me: “Aaaaah” his thrusts were amazing. I was enjoying it to a point that I started
moving with him “Baby! Baby!!”
Hlanga: “Thingo lwam!! You feel amazing.” I was in the zone, I opened my legs
wider. I need all of him in. “Shiiit!!”
Me: “Deeper Nyambose.” He obliged and I could feel it in places I didn’t know
existed. “Aaaah baby I am close. I am cumming baby.”
Hlanga: “Cum for me mama.” I listened to baba. And we both came at the same
time. And just like that Thingo was made a woman and it was amazing because
not only was it my husband but it was for all the right reasons, love. I tried to pull
him out “Don’t!!” he looked at me “If I pull out now, you wont let me back in.” I
didn’t understand. Instead he took my legs and put them on his shoulders and
and started moving fast and hard, I started feelin pleasure again. We were at it for
a while, at some point he had me sitting on his dick. I don’t know how we got
there but I loved it. He pulled out eventually and he was right the state my pussy
was in he wasn’t getting any for a month. He went to run me water in tub and
back to pick me up. I needed to pee first. The walk from the toilet to the tub
wasn’t what I was used to
Me: “I cant walk Nyambose.” I had a funny walk guys. And he was enjoying every
moment of this
Hlanga: “I am sorry mama. It will get better.” He picked up and softly placed me in
the tub and got in behind me. We stayed in the tub for a while until the water
started getting cold. It helped with my burning nuna. We dried ourselves up and
went to put on lotion and got dressed in the room. Our bedding had blood stains
in the, I was really embarrassed. “Don’t be embarrassed, you were still pure
Thingo lwam and that’s a good thing.” I nodded. I changed the whole set and
went to put it with the rest of the washing. I took care of everything in the house,
I was capable of handling things and Hlanga didn’t like having a stranger in the
house.
Me: “I am hungry and thirsty.”
Hlanga: “I will order in. what do you feel like having.”
Me: “Burger king is fine.” He nodded and made the call. We went to sit in front of
the tv while having our early dinner. We spoke like he never left and we had an
early night, sex is exhausting. The following morning we had 3 steamy rounds
even though my nuna was complaining but I needed it. It was the 29th of July and
I needed to feel loved.
Hlanga: “What do you need?”
Me: “You holding me.” He got in bed and we cuddled and made plans for the
future.
Hlanga: “I hope you don’t feel pressured. Its okay if you want us to move to some
city I am not familiar with.” He was talking about my offer from the law firm in
Bloemfontein
Me: “Joburg is home for us now Nyambose. You are already hardly home so I
don’t want to do that to myself by being far away from my Gumede family and
Tongaat.” he nodded “So I am taking the Sokhulu offer.” He kissed me
Hlanga: “Okay mama. Ngyakthanda yezwa?” that yezwa!!! I smiled
Me: “Ngyakthanda nam baby.” we kissed and cuddling got real. I missed two days
of school because Hlanga didn't want me leaving the house and I loved every
minute of it.
»34«
CONTINUED
NQOBANI
Me: "Baby! Mimi!" I dropped my bags on the floor.
Mimi: "You back. Njabs baba is back!" Mimi hurried down the stairs with Njabulo
on her hip. It was a beautiful sight.
Me: "I missed you guys." We family hugged and I took my son.
Mimi: "I was dead the past two months." We kissed "I don't like seeing you on a
screen."
Me: "Get used to it because that's how it is." She sulked
Mimi: "How was your trip, did you get everything done?" She was fishing. I kissed
her again
Me: "It went as well as expected." I looked at her "I missed you" and I pointed at
my now erect penis
Mimi: "Have you forgotten the other person in the room? Nqobani you haven't
child proof the house, its not safe for him." My mood was killed by that. Njabulo
sometimes cramped my style. Mimi and I didn't have the luxury to have sex
whenever we felt like it.
Me: "I'll handle it. Come tell me how guys have been doing without me."
Mimi: "Let's go give him his bath while we talk." We went upstairs and I watched
them give each other a bath while we spoke about random things. "I wanted us to
talk about the thing we didn't talk about before you left."
Me: "Okay. I wanted us to talk about the future motho waka. I love you but I am
not happy about this setup." Her face changed
Mimi: "I knew it. Than why did you lead me on Nqobani? Us moving in together
was just a suggestion, you could've said no. Mxm!" She left Njabulo's room. I was
confused.
Me: "Mfana wam, your mother is something else." We looked at each other
smiling. Njabulo was a replica of my father. "Woza mfana." He stood up and
followed me, I spoke Zulu to him and Mimi was also learning. We found her
packing my suitcase. "What are you doing?" I was getting pissed now
Mimi: "You are not happy, so I giving you your freedom back and you are free
from this relationship as well."
Me: "WTF? Mimi you didn't let me finish my sentence. I am not happy about this
setup because I need more from you, I am a Zulu man Mimi and this cohabiting
thing is not for me. I want to live with you guys but the proper way." She just
looked at me
Mimi: "I just want to make you happy Clive that's all." She wasn't catching on, on
my proposal. I wasn't a romantic person and it was showing.
Me: "Baby I am happy, I am over the moon happy. I love you Mimi and I want
nothing more then to be here with you."
Mimi: "Are you sure?"
Me: "I am 100% sure. I am in this with you baby."
Mimi: "Okay. I was just scared that since you didn't bring a lot of things you were
having second thoughts. I know I come on a bit too strong sometimes, its my
flaw." I opened my arms for a hug.
Me: "Don't ever change any part of yourself baby, it makes you, you and I happen
to love everything about you." I kissed her nose
Mimi: "Everything?" She gave me a questioning look
Me: "Yes even your recklessness because it made me a father." She laughed and I
meant it. Sometimes our plans steer us from the happiness we actually need. Had
I been in control of every aspect in my life, I wouldn't be were I am. So Mimi was a
blessing to me because she opened my eyes to what real happiness is and it had
nothing to do with money.
Mimi: "I love you too. Can your son sleep already, I miss you." She said smiling
Me: "Maybe it's time we visited the nanny idea." We kissed
Mimi: "I agree." We went downstairs to have a family dinner and eventually
young Bhungane went to sleep. Getting him to sleep was a hassle. Mimi and I
showed each other how much we really missed each other and we later took a
shower together
Me: "Mimi, you taking birth control pills?" I was really hurt. I found them next to
the sink
Mimi: "We spoke about this Clive. We still giving our relationship a chance before
another baby." I laughed "Why are you laughing?"
Me: "You were on birth control when Njabulo was conceived but hay." It didn't
matter
Mimi: "Clive that's not funny." It was, I didn't shoot blanks and no birth control
could handle me. "Baby I am just not ready for Njabulo to have a sibling. Can I at
least finish my studies?"
Me: "You will finish your studies baby. Us having a baby wont change that. I just
want things to happen as they should. If we have another baby now its okay and if
we don't then we don't."
Mimi: "Okay let me finish this prescription then we'll let fate take control."
Me: "That's my girl. Come let's go to bed. Ngyakthanda Mimi."
Mimi: "Lena kea ho thanda Nqobani." Her mixing our languages was traumatizing
but she was trying. We kissed and went to bed.
======
I couldn't believe my eyes. What was she doing here, Soweto was my home and
she had no reason to show up. Her and I were over and we weren't friends either.
Mimi was already tense
Me: "What brings you here Palesa?" I failed to be polite about it.
Palesa: "Dumela le wena Clive. Mimi." She gave her attitude.
Mimi: "Baby I'll go put Njabulo down in your room."
Me: "Okay." She kissed me left. Palesa had questions, you could tell by her facial
expression.
Palesa: "Wow! You are such a cliche Clive. You left me for your baby mama?" She
clapped her hands.
Me: "I'll ask you again Palesa, what are you doing here?"
Nolwazi: "Relax bhuti she came to fetch her weave." She handed it to her "She
said you are paying for it." What?
Me: "If it will make her leave this moment fine." She stood up "Palesa you do not
want to test me. Don't pull this stunt again. Nolwazi and Cebo have a salon in
town, why didn't you go there?"
Palesa: "..." she gave me attitude "I still can't believe you did the one thing, you
promised me you wont happen. So vele wena le baby mama ja hao bonded over
your son until she opened her legs yet again? This is a trap Clive and you are too
naive to see it." I wasn't going to explain myself to her and I wasn't going to
apologize for my feelings either.
Me: "Even so, it's no longer your concern. I don't know why you are not rejoicing
over our break up because you didn't even love my son anyway. So this was for
the best."
Palesa: "Mxm." She left and Mimi came back
Me: "Are you okay?"
Mimi: "I am fine. I won't get worked up over a fake flower." She still called her
that. I kissed
Me: "let me go talk to Lwazi."
Mimi: "Okay, ill cook so long." I showed her a thumbs up and went to Lwazi's
room
Me: "So vele next month its graduation?"
Nolwazi: "Yoh bhuti you don't understand how happy and excited I am."
Me: "I am proud of you young one." She smiled.
Nolwazi: "Thank you, I just wish baba and mama were still around to see me get
what I worked really hard for."
Me: "I know, I also missed them sometimes. Since Njabulo came, their first
grandson."
Nolwazi: "Life ne." We were having a moment with my sister.
Me: "Please help me with a romantic way to l propose to Mimi."
Nolwazi: "Aaaaaah! Finally!" I laughed "I am still your best girl but I am really
happy that you found love and with ausi Mimi. She cares yaz bhuti. When you
were gone she came to check up on us and Sne said she visited her as well. She's a
keeper, not all woman understand that to love man you must also love his
family." Wow! She didn't even tell me about checking up on my siblings. I told you
Mimi was a blessing.
Me: "Well help me baby sis."
Nolwazi: "I'll take her on a spa day and ill fish for you, be available to babysit ke."
Me: "Okay thank you so much. I'll transfer money for that spa treatment."
Nolwazi: "Do it now." I laughed at the way she said it. "Propose on her birthday it
will be extra romantic."
Me: "What! that's like in 2 months, I can't wait that long Nolwazi. She already
thinks I am shady for not fully moving in with her. I don't like vat n setting. So the
sooner the better."
Nolwazi: "Okay ke. I'll start fishing for you. Don't forget commission."
Me: "Nolwazi you have a hair business, you don't need my money."
Nolwazi: "I have a lifestyle to maintain bhuti." I laughed and she was a liker of
things. I transferred her R20000
Me: "If Mimi doesn't come back happy, I want my money back."
Nolwazi: "Relax she'll come back rejuvenated and ready to say yes because I am
going to be pressing for you." We laughed
Me: "You better." I left her and went to join my woman in the kitchen. I didn't
know how domesticated she was until I started spending time with her. The
saying "Don't judge a book by it's cover" goes a long way. We show people the
parts of ourselves that we want them to see but it doesn't necessarily mean that
is all we are, I was learning that. "Baby I want to take you and Njabulo out for
shopping or whatever. Mimi you never ask me for money." She didn't, now that I
think about it.
Mimi: "Baby you gave me a job and you paying for my fees and you taking care of
your son asking for more would be unnecessary and selfish."
Me: "Mimi that was before when I was just helping out a friend, you are my
woman now and I want to spoil you."
Mimi: "I am not used to such treatment nna waitse."
Me: "Well get used it to. I am not working this hard for my health. I want my
family to not struggle like I did."
Mimi: "Okay then we'll go shopping tomorrow." While we were talking Nathan
texted that we should meet.
Me: "I have to rush somewhere, I'll see you guys later."
Mimi: "Okay." We kissed and I left. We met at the club and Hlanga was already
there
Nathan: "Grootboom."
Me: "Pierce, whats up?" We bro hugged
Nathan: "I am in shit and I need advice. Someone I used to sleep with came back
claiming we have a son and I have been avoiding her but she hasn't stopped
hitting my phone until I agreed to meet up with her. She came with proof stating
that her husband wasn't the father and she is open to DNA tests."
Me: "So what's the problem. Take the test."
Hlanga: "Azande is the problem."
Nathan: "I am not sure if I should tell her about this whole thing before I take the
DNA test or wait for the results before I worry her, who knows he might not be
mine than I would've woken up my wife's insecurities for nothing." He was in a
very tricky situation
Me: "It doesn't matter which decision you make, they're both going to hurt her."
Hlanga: "That's what I said to him. She's pregnant on top of that."
Me: "Just make a decision that will hurt her the least." I didn't want to be in his
shoes.
Nathan: "This a tough one. I could use some alcohol right about now." We
laughed, it was his choice not to drink.
Hlanga: "Nqobani got through and so will you."
Nathan: "My past chose to catch up with me at the wrong time of my life."
Me: "It doesn't have good timing. But you'll be fine eventually."
Nathan: "I hope so." He really wasn't handling this well. After a while he left us
and Hlanga and I talked business.
HLELO
Thendo: "Are you okay?"
Me: "I am fine, I must have had too much pizza." I was vomiting in his bathroom.
Thendo: "You were also nauseous last weekend Hlelo, are sure you okay?" I
nodded "Remember we had that accident last month." It all came back and it
wasn't an accident. We ran out of condoms but we took the risk of having sex
without a condom.
Me: "I took the morning after pill and I went on contraceptives straight after that.
Thendo I can't be pregnant." I panicked.
Thendo: "I know. I just started working and some of the money goes home. A
child is not an option." Yes he has a job now and the whole world must know,
rollin my eyes. I am really happy for him though, he deserved it. Our lives have
improved since he's working but it was never about the money for me. I rinsed my
mouth and face and I went to find my handbag, I was driving straight to the ER
since it was early evening.
Me: "I'll see you." I hugged him
Thendo: "Let me go with you, I know you are going to the doctor." Am I that
predictable?
Me: "Fine." We left his place and I drove to the ER. I couldn't afford to be
pregnant and I couldn't be pregnant with Thendo's child. Dont get me wrong I
love the guy but there was something off about him and I couldn't bring a baby
into that. We got to the ER and they did their thing
Dr: "Everything is good and you are not pregnant. You vomiting is the side effects,
it happens with some birth control." I sighed out of relief.
Me: "Okay. Thanks." I took my things and we left. "I guess we are on the clear.
This was a lesson baby. No glove no love." I was still judging myself for being so
reckless that night.
Thendo: "While we still on the subject. A friend of mine has found himself on a
very tricky predicament. He had a one night stand and he was really drunk, he
doesn't remember what really happened on that night. 7 months later a girl
knocked on his door and said she's pregnant with his baby." This story was too
familiar. Namhla and Tyson.
Me: "Is it really his?"
Thendo: "After the girl gave birth, it turns out it was his. My friend is in a
committed relationship with an amazing girl. He's caught between telling her and
risking his relationship or just keeping quiet until he can't anymore." Oh wow!
Me: "Your friend is shady baby. He should just tell the truth and let the girlfriend
decide if she forgives his cheating or not. I know I wouldn't, its not fair."
Thendo: "I hear you. But they love each other, they should find a way."
Me: "Love can take you so far baby." I got to his place "Your friend should stop
being shady and take responsibility for his mess, tell him I said that." He chuckled
Thendo: "I don't want to talk about him anymore. Are you spending the weekend
with me?"
Me: "You know I always do."
Thendo: "The full weekend Hlelo not the one night you usually do."
Me: "I am a single mother Thendo, I am not flexible as you wish me to be. But I'll
see what I can do."
Thendo: "Okay. I love you." We kissed
Me: "I love you too baby." He got out of my car and I drove off.
======
Bheka: "I am so over this degree, when is it ending?"
Thingo: "I am ready to make my own money. I am over it too." I was so far away
in my thoughts. "We are waiting to hear you vent as well." They laughed
Me: "I'll vent about boyfriend troubles. Thendo is acting weird." Things had
suddenly become with him "Maybe the new job has gotten into his head and
seeing someone at his new job." Cheating is the first thing to come to mind when
your boyfriend starts acting up.
Thingo: "Are you sure you not seeing things?"
Me: "I know Thendo guys, he's so predictable but lately angaz. He ignores his
phone when I'm around or answers it away from me. And only two people call
him, his mother and brother." He's predictable.
Thingo: "So what are you going to do?"
Me: "I'll ask him what his deal is?"
Bheka: "Do that because only he can answer." He was right. "Class time."
Thingo: "I can't believe I let you talk me into buying plate food."
Me: "I love it!"
Thingo: "I don't think they are hygienic enough for me to trust their cooking."
Me: "You are over thinking things and you are ruining lunch time for Bheka and I."
She reminded me of mamazi for liking clean spaces and trusting restaurant food
than omama by the sidewalk containers. We went to class and I later went to see
shady Thendo. There was always something with him.
Me: "Look at you all professional and stuff." He chuckled but I startled him. I went
to see him at work. "I didn't mean to startle you." He stood up and hugged me.
Thendo: "Hey baby."
Me: "I came to give your office some color and light." We laughed. He always
made jokes about our complexion. Thendo was dark and I was light-skinned "Cute
baby, who's is it? Or did the the picture come with the office." I laughed at my
own joke. There was a photoframe of a cute baby. He panicked and I was
confused. He brushed his head
Thendo: "Ee baby. You remember the story about my friend?" I nodded
Me: "Oh that's his baby, such a cutie." I said smiling
Thendo: "I am the friend Hlelo. Baby I am really sorry, I got someone pregnant."
My jaw dropped. This wasn't happening to me again. Did I have a sign on my head
that said cheat on Hlelo and make a baby?
Me: "Wow! Thendo this baby looks grown. How old is it?"
Thendo: "6 months." Unbelievable!
Me: "Wow!" I left his office. I was numb, I couldn't cry or laugh. I got in my car
and I booked Sbonga and I a flight to Durban. I needed to leave Johannesburg for
a while. I drove home and I packed my books and a few things and we called a
cab to the airport. During the flight home I was busy thinking what was Thendo's
plan, was he ever going to tell me? Did he even love me to not caress me with
lies?
Sbonga: "Mama funa uMcebo."
Me: "Okay we'll greet gogo first then I'll take you to him." He loved his uncle. We
got home and we were greeted by an overwhelming aroma of a home cooked
meal. I got hungry that moment
Mamazi: "Qwabe is that you?" I kept on hearing the sound of heels and next my
mother shows up with a above the knee trench coat.
Me: "And then?"
Mamzi: "What are you doing home Hlelo?" She fixed her coat. "I was expecting
your father."
Me: "In heels and a coat." I clapped my hands "Wow!" I laughed
Mamazi: "Please go back to Johannesburg Hlelo, you are cramping my style." I
was still laughing, my mother was about to seduce her man. "Why are you here
anyway?"
Me: "Boyfriend drama, what else?"
Mamazi: "Hlelo go away with your negative energy. My husband has been away
for two weeks and he's coming back today and I am ready to welcome him. You
and The King were not part of the welcome team." I laughed, my mother was
something else though
Me: "Who was part of it."
Mamazi: "Me and Beyonce." We laughed. "I guess its not happening now." She
stood up from the couch "I am going to change, pour us some wine." I felt bad for
crashing the romantic dinner she had planned but she was my mother and I
needed her. I walked Sbonga over to Bab' Mnqobi's house and everyone was
there.
Sasa: "Mamazi chased you away as well?"
Me: "Of course not. She loves me too much."
Sasa: "Psssh please. Mntaka babami." She opened her arms for a hug
Me: "Hey baby sis. Come join mamzi and I." We left the boys.
Mamazi: "What seems to be the matter?" She was looking at me.
Me: "I am not ready to talk about it. Can you just mother me?" I wasn't ready to
talk about it. I didn't even know where to begin.
Mamazi: "Okay." We sat on one couch and bonded over silly things Sasa was
doing my hair while mamazi did my nails. We had an unplanned girl's night. I
loved every minute of it. I just wanted to be close to my mother. Somehow her
presence assured me that things will workout for me.

»35«
HLELO
Being home really helped my mood but I needed to face reality. Thendo's betrayal
didn't cut as deep as Tyson's did but it still hurt that it happened to me once
again, I couldn't shake the feeling that there was something wrong with me. I was
emotionally exhausted to be honest.
Mamazi: "Are you ready to talk?" I nodded
Me: "Mamazi I think I am cursed, I seem to attract guys who are okay with
cheating on me to the point of making babies and plus the Melisizwe saga. Will I
ever be happy in terms of relationships? Mamazi all my friends are in happy and
stable relationships and I on the other hand I have nothing or no one." I tried to
fight the tears that were threatening to come out "Is there something wrong with
me?" My mother chose to hug me and I finally cried. I had been holding it in for a
week, you know trying to be strong.
Mamazi: "Baby you are amazing and there's definitely nothing wrong with you. I
am saying this as your mother who loves you very much and as a person in
general." She wiped my tears and hers too. I didn't believe her because she was
my mother and she only has good things to say "Gugu lam no Qwabe." I giggled
through the tears. "Everyone can say 'I love you' but not everyone really means it.
So believe it when you feel it and not when you hear it."
Me: "You always tell Sasa and I that."
Mamazi: "Until you fully grasp the concept, I'll keep on reminding you." She took
my hands "Gugulethu you are a very pretty and confident young woman and men
will be attracted to you, I have no doubt about that, but you need to be careful of
who you are attracted to, not everyone is good for you and your self-esteem."
Me: "Mamazi how will I know when someone is not good for me?"
Mamazi: "Hlehle there's a difference between dating someone and being in a
relationship with them. Dating is the first step towards being in a relationship and
that's where you young people fail at. You don't give yourselves the time to get to
know the other person before committing. You just jump right into commitment."
Me: "You have a point. I didn't necessarily think things through with Thendo,
there were so many red flags about him but I chose to ignore them because I
didn't want to be alone." It was time I admitted that "Mamazi I am scared of being
alone."
Mamazi: "Oh Hlehle. There's nothing wrong with being single. Being in a
relationship shouldn't define you either."
Me: "..." I don't think my mother understood what I was going through. She was
happily married.
Mamazi: "There will always be a reason why you meet people. Either you need
them to change your life or you are the one to change theirs." She looked at me "I
think in this case, you need to change Hlehle. Stay single for a while and take care
of yourself. Learn yourself properly, learn your weaknesses and strengths. So that
any man that approaches you have an idea what works for you before taking
things too far. His strengths should somehow complement your weaknesses and
visa versa so that your partnership is strong."
Me: "I'll take your advice. I am emotionally exhausted for a relationship anyway.
So I am done with boys maybe forever because it never works out anyway."
Mamazi: "The right love will find you when you least expect it and when you are
ready for it. If you are still looking for love just because you don't want to be
alone then you're not ready for the right kind of love and you'll end up dating
everyone and nothing good will come out of that. I say this because even when its
the right kind of love things are not always red roses and sometimes you feel
alone." She had a point.
Me: "You are wise woman do not that?" She giggled
Mamazi: "It comes with age. Have standards Hlelo, tell yourself I am not for
everyone then choose your partners wisely."
Me: "I'll do that mamazi. Thank you for everything and supporting me."
Mamazi: "I am always here ready for you with my arms wide open. It makes me
happy that you still need me Hlehle no one has your back like me and I don't ever
want you to doubt that."
Me: "Okay. You the first person I think if in times of crisis."
Mamazi: "I am glad. I might not have all the answers but we'll figure things out
together." What was she talking about, she had all the answers in my books. My
mother was a problem solver and my father was my protector. My mother carried
on giving me advice on how to move on "Don't put pressure on yourself, take
everyday as it comes. Things will eventually fall into place."
Me: "That's all I can stomach anyway"
Mamazi: "But most importantly, you've got to love yourself first, and until you
value yourself enough and love yourself enough to know that, you can't really
have a healthy relationship." I understood perfectly what she meant. I needed to
get over the fear of being alone and take that love I was willing to give to
someone else and give it to myself. Letting a relationship define me was a risk I
wasn't willing to take because relationships are made by the people in it and
sometimes things don't work out and what does that mean for me? I was setting
myself up for failure basically. I hugged my mother
Me: "Ndlovulazi yo Gumede. I do not want to know what I'll be without you. My
eyes are open and I'll take this obstacle as a learning curve. Like you said, I need
to change my mindset and somehow love and enjoy being single." She smiled
Mamazi: "Yes baby. Take control over your life and happiness."
Me: "I'll do that mamami."
Mamazi: "I love you MaMnguni please guard that kind heart of yours, its too
precious to just let any random Tom, Dick, Harry and Thabo to take advantage of
it." I laughed, her joker side was always around.
Me: "I'll be careful mamazi, I promise." We hugged again and we later went to
have lunch with Mam Mpume. My siblings and Sbonga went to Cape Town with
Baba to visit my aunt.
=====
Sasa: "Feelings, so deep in my feelings
No, this ain't really like me
Can't control my anxiety
Feeling, like I'm touching the ceiling
When I'm with you I can't breathe
Boy, you do something to me"
Mamazi: "Ooh, now I'll never get over you until I find something new
That get me high like you do, yeah yeah
Ooh, now I'll never get over you until I find something new
That get me high like you do" My sister taught my mother the relevant songs and
now we can't hear the end of it. She was a good singer though.
Us: "Listen my to heart go ba-dum, boo'd up
Biddy-da-dum, boo'd up
Hear my heart go ba-dum, boo'd up
Biddy-da-dum it just won't stop, it go
Ba-dum, boo'd up
Biddy-da-dum, boo'd up
Hear my heart go ba-dum, boo'd up
Biddy-da-dum, it just won't stop, it go" We were in the zone and next Sbonga
switched off the radio
Sbonga: "Noise mama!" He was even pointing his finger at us
Baba: "Tell them King of the castle." Wow
Mamazi: "Jealousy makes you nasty." We laughed
Baba: "Let's go guys, its a long drive to Joburg." Yes my family was driving Sbonga
and I back to the City of Gold. I felt special that day. The drive was long and
exhausting. My parents helped us settle back in and also checked on my brothers
Baba: "Lunathi you are the only one who didn't email me their results, what are
you waiting for?" Yes since Lunathi moved in with us our marks are monitored.
Lunathi was making our life difficult to be honest.
Lunathi: "Eish baba, my phone has been acting up but I'll email them."
Baba: "I wasn't born yesterday." He looked at him.
Lunathi: "Let me do it now." He left. He was running away
Mamazi: "Qwabe you are being too hard on them now."
Baba: "..." he didn't think so clearly. Eventually they left after stocking our fridge.
Alime: "You are such a cry baby Hlehle."
Me: "Mxm! Leave me alone." They laughed. Call me a cry baby or whatever but
my mother was the only person I knew will help me deal with the pain of yet
another failed relationship without judging me. I also gained some knowledge
from her, I needed to learn from this and that was to forgive myself for loving and
investing in someone who didn't have my best interest at heart. And also that I
should fall in love with my solitude.
AZANDE
Say hello to Mrs Azande Pierce, well traditionally I was Nathan's wife now. I took
pride in that, Nathan was a keeper and I felt being his wife wasn't enough, I
wanted to hold multiple titles with this man.
Sonke: "I am going to be a flower girl angithi sisi (right sisi)?" She was so excited
and we hadn't even picked a date yet. We were still dealing with Sanda's wedding
which was going to be in Tanzania.
Me: "Of course." There wasn't any cute 9 year old that I knew.
Sphe: "Haibo, where's bhuti, we've been waiting." They were so impatient but he
was late that day.
Me: "Call him." Sonke didn't waste time, she jumped for my phone.
Sphe: "I can't wait for the new baby." I giggled. Everyone was excited about the
baby.
Me: "I am too tired I also want to give birth." Pregnancy is exhausting and it was
worse for me since I was already a big girl.
Nathan: "Sorry I am late. Let's go guys." He helped me up from the couch "You
look beautiful."
Me: "Thank you." We kissed and we got into the car and left. We were going to
my doctor's appointment as a family, it was Sphe's idea. The drive to the doctor
was different, he wasn't talking like he usually does. "Is everything okay? You
don't seem fine." I brushed his shoulder
Nathan: "I love you Azande." He wasn't his smiling self when he was telling me
this, I was worried actually.
Me: "I know and I love you too baby." He kissed my hand
Nathan: "We are here." We got off the car and we were just in time. The doctor
did her thing Dr: "I am happy, everything looks good."
Nathan: "I took your advice and I didn't stress her." We laughed
Me: "He really has been amazing together with these three." I looked at my
children. I was raising them so yeah
Dr: "And we have ourselves a healthy pregnancy. Keep on taking care of her and
ill see you guys next appointment."
Me: "Okay."
Dr: "Prescription and printout."
Me: "Thank you." And we were good to go.
Nathan: "I am taking you out for dinner. So rest and I'll come fetch you later."
Me: "Are you going to tell me what is wrong?"
Nathan: "Not in front of the kids baby, that's why I suggested dinner."
Me: "How bad is it, Nathan just tell me already!!"
Nathan: "Fine, I need you to keep an open mind about this. Azande I have this
constant fear that you'll leave every time things go wrong. Baby I have a past and I
don't think its fair that you judge me about it."
Me: "My love I thought we passed that and I am really sorry for being easily
gullible. You have proved yourself worthy of my trust."
Nathan: "Do you mean that?"
Me: "Every word. I can't imagine life without you Nathan and I trust you with my
life and my siblings' so however your past looks like I don't care because it is
behind you."
Nathan: "Okay. I have a son." Am I hearing things?
Me: "..." I was tongue tied
Nathan: "Please say something."
Me: "I kinda feel you need to explain yourself." I stood up "What do you mean
you have a son Nathan??" The sound of my voice was increasing with every word.
Nathan: "Azande calm down and please sit down baby."
Me: "I am fine standing up so I can walkout of this room if I need to."
Nathan: "This is what I was talking about Azande. You are always ready to run
without even hearing the full story."
Me: "I am still here, standing and waiting for you to fucken explain how you have
a son Nathan!!!"
Nathan: "An ex something of mine, her name is Sonia Brooks. Two months ago
she called claiming we have a son. I didn't believe her since it had been two years
with us not talking."
Me: "So what made you believe her now?" I was too tired to stand so I sat back
down.
Nathan: "I took the DNA test two weeks ago."
Me: "So this is not something new, you've known about it for two months and
even went to the point of taking DNA tests. How am I supposed to trust you
Nathan when you don't let me in about something so important?"
Nathan: "I didn't believe her Azande and I didn't want to worry about something
that might have been a lie." Wow!
Me: "It's not about the results Nathan, its about me and you. The trust, are you
not seeing this?"
Nathan: "How do you not see that you are not an easy person to open up to
because of how you react in situations?"
Me: "Don't make this about me Nathan. You are the one who didn't handle this
situation the right way, my reaction is irrelevant in this matter."
Nathan: "I don't want to fight with you Azande. After all is said and done, I have a
son and we need to find a way to deal with this."
Me: "Do as you please Nathan. You didn't need my opinion before so you
certainly don't need it now."
Nathan: "Azande I need you right now."
Me: "No Nathan you don't, you are only saying this because the truth has come
out. I am really hurt, yes I have insecurities but the little faith you have in me cuts
deep as well. What's the point of us getting married when clearly you don't trust
me."
Nathan: "Baby I trust you but like I said I have this constant fear of you leaving
me." He knelt down in front of me "Ngyavuma sthandwa sam(I agree my love) I
didn't handle the situation well and I am sorry, please forgive me mama
wezingane zam." I looked at him "I was controlled by fear and you are right I
should have trusted you enough even if you reacted hysterically."
Me: "I hope you not saying this because you think it's what I want to hear."
Nathan: "Of course not. You not wrong baby I shouldn't have kept anything from
you."
Me: "That's my point exactly. Look now I am not prepared and I can't even react
because you need my help."
Nathan: "React however you feel baby."
Me: "I am a bit jealous Nathan. In my head I was carrying First born's first born
and the news of your son changes that." He stood up and sat next to me and
hugged me.
Nathan: "I am really sorry baby. The truth is I am really angry about this whole
thing." I looked at him "The boy is a year and few months Azande and had he not
been sick I wasn't going to find out about him. So Sonia basically stole him from
me. I don't want to co-parent, I want him full time with us."
Me: "Nathan no, that's not fair."
Nathan: "On who's side are you looking it from?" He looked at me "Because I
missed close to two years with him." She really did cheat him off their time
together
Me: "..."
Nathan: "Baby I need you to find it in your heart to accept him. I won't rush you
and be honest with me if you are uncomfortable I'll make other arrangements."
Was he kidding me? Nathan was helping me raise my siblings so of course I was
open to the idea.
Me: "You handled the situation wrong baby and I pray there is no next time
either. But in future whenever you hit a wall call me or find me and we'll deal with
it together."
Nathan: "I promise."
Me: "You didn't have to ask me to accept him, he's your son and of course I'll
accept him. But before we start planning for him you need to think things through
about taking him from his mother and I'd like to meet him and his mother."
Nathan: "I haven't met him myself, the results came today and you the first
person I wanted to talk to so we'll meet him together. There's no thinking things
through, I am taking him." He kissed me on the lips "Thank you for being an
amazing and understanding wife. I am really lucky to have you."
Me: "Mmmm." I didn't know how I honestly felt about the sudden turn of events
but my jealousy hadn't subsided. They way Nathan's family was making a fuss
about me carrying First born's first born I somehow enjoyed the attention and the
whole idea of my baby holding such a title but it was over now. We sat in
complete silence on the couch of our room, I think we were somehow finding
ways to accept the change that was coming in our family. Yes he handled things
poorly but he wasn't perfect and he certainly didn't plan on this so we were going
to find a way to make things work "We'll figure things out baby, I promise."
Nathan: "You not going anywhere?" He was really scared of losing me and he
didn't need to. It took a lot to get rid of me
Me: "I am staying here." I kissed his forehead since he had his head on my lap and
was busy brushing my tummy.
Nathan: "Have you thought of what we are having?" We still couldn't see what we
were having
Me: "I don't think it matters. But my aunt says its a girl." He smiled
Nathan: "I had been wishing for a girl too. And I want her to have Sonke's
personality." We laughed
Me: "Woooh Baby Sonke is too forward and one of her is enough." We were still
laughing
Me: "Whatever we are having I want the baby to take your heart."
Nathan: "What? My heart is cold as ice, that's why I said Sonke because she's a
people's person, I think its your family trait because you are just the same."
Maybe he had a point
Me: "We'll just have to wait and see how it turns out." We kissed "You owe me
dinner Mr Pierce." He laughed
Nathan: "Of course Mrs Pierce. So when are you marrying me?" He was busy
kissing my neck
Me: "Mmm aaah." He was slowly turning me on "After the baby."
Nathan: "I can wait that long baby."
Me: "I am the bride so you'll have to." I didn't want to be a pregnant bride, it
wasn't happening.
Nathan: "Mxm!" I giggled and he stopped playing with my boobs
Me: "Baby I was really enjoying your soft touch."
Nathan: "After the baby." What?
Me: "Nathan come on!"
Nathan: "I love you." He left our room.

»36«
NQOBANI
Mimi: "Aaah baby man!" She slapped my hand since I was brushing her cute ass.
Me: "Kea kopa(Please) baby, sheba(look)." I pointed at my pants. She laughed
Mimi: "You sound weird when you speak Sotho and baby no. Nqobani tlohela biza
man(stop drinking muthi)." I laughed, what muthi was she talking about?
Me: "Clive junior is just happy around you baby and those shorts aren't helping."
They weren't, Mimi had killer legs and they were my weakness. I had pinned her
against the fridge since she was standing against it. "I'll be quick." I unzipped her
shorts and dropped them to the floor and lowered my sweat pants.
Mimi: "Baby Mme Thusi is around." That was Njabulo's nanny. I ignored her and
kissed her instead and I lifted her one leg and slid her lace panties to the side.
"Aaah!" And I was in and it felt amazing. We looked at each other smiling.
Me: "Should I stop?"
Mimi: "No! No! Keep going." I kissed her
Me: "Thank you for loving me." I didn't deserve her "I love you even more for
that."
Mimi: "You made it easy to love you baby." She held my face and kissed me "Now
move before we get caught." I obeyed my woman's command. The fact that Mme
Thusi could walk in at any moment made it extra exciting. I wanted it to be a
quickie but my body had other plans because from the fridge we went to the
kitchen counter "Yaassss baby!!! Aaaah shit its so good."
Me: " Ssshhh" she was too loud and the house had ecos, I had to cover her
mouth. We had moved to the living room at this point because we were tired of
standing. After a while we collapsed on the couch. I got a call from the pilot that
we had airspace. "Let's go get ready, the jet is ready for us."
Mimi: "We don't have to go you know. We can stay here and love each other."
She kissed me "And maybe even make a baby." She was buttering me up and I
liked it but it was all to avoid us going.
Me: "We can do all that on the jet. Mimi we are going to Lesotho." I picked her
up and I took us to the bedroom and straight to the shower. I took a quick one
and she took her sweet time "I am going to fetch your sister be ready when I
come back."
Mimi: "Mxm!" She really didn't want to go. Going to Lesotho was my idea, I
wanted to marry her and I wanted to do things the right way. So I needed her to
fix her relationship with her parents.
Me: "Baby I know you don't want this and I understand your reasons but please
just hear them out. If you feel the same way after seeing them then I'll never push
you or even bring the topic about them up again. I promise."
Mimi: "Okay."
Me: "I love you Mimi and I want the best for you and Njabulo. You might not get
this but parents are also human and they make mistakes."
Mimi: "Okay. Go fetch Mamello I'll be done by the time you get back."
Me: "Okay." I finished dressing up and tied my laces and I was good to go
Mimi: "I love you too Nqobani, you and Njabulo are my best."
Me: "Come here." I opened my arms for a hug. Her in my arms felt right. I kissed
her forehead. Cj got excited again and it poked her stomach
Mimi: "Wooh hamba ngeke." I laughed and left the room. I went to find my car
keys and I drove to fetch her sister.
Mamello: "I thought we weren't going anymore."
Me: "Sorry we are late." She got in and we drove off "So are you good?"
Mamello: "Perfect."
Me: "I'll drive passed the shopping complex Mimi just texted that Njabulo needs
snacks."
Mamello: "Okay." I managed to find parking and we bought whatever was on the
list "You and Mimi are actually making things work. Wow!" She seemed shocked
and I didn't like her tone
Me: "Yes we are and sijabulile(We are happy)"
Mamello: "Mmmh I see. I was sceptical hay first Mimi being a mother and now
you two are together. Its shocking because Mimi is very reckless with her life."
Me: "Is there point to this?" I was getting pissed
Mamello: "I am just saying that Mimi is unreliable you might think she finally has
her shit together and next thing she's back to sleeping around and drinking
alcohol." She was judging her own sister "So be careful Clive especially for
Njabulo's sake."
Me: "..." she was jealous of how far Mimi had come. I wasn't going to let her
bother me or let her steal my woman's happiness "Here's what's going to happen,
you'll never speak of Mimi's past in my presence okay?" She nodded out fear "We
are not friends and we won't discuss my family like we are, am I clear?" She
nodded again "Speak. Am I clear?"
Mamello: "Yes I hear you."
Me: "Good. You seem to forget that I also know Mimi." We got in the car and we
drove off. We indeed found them ready to go. We left and flew to Lesotho. Mimi
loved and appreciated her sister, her on the other hand I wasn't so sure.
Mimi: "Baby you going to come with me right, I am really scared."
Me: "I'll even hold your hand motho waka." She smiled. She was pretty and
amazing. "You are the prettiest woman I have ever met." She blushed
Mimi: "Thank you." We kissed. "I had told myself that I'll never ask you this but
how much money do you have, a jet baby, how?" I laughed
Me: "Its a business jet. I have enough to take care of you and all our kids."
Mimi: "You mean child."
Me: "I am not getting in this with you again Mimi, Njabulo is going to have
siblings." I looked at him, he was watching something on the tablet "Look at him
he's so bored watching that screen." We laughed
Mimi: "Oh please, you just want an excuse to make me pregnant again." She
wasn't wrong, it was my personal mission actually.
Me: "You make it sound so bad."
Mimi: "You don't understand how hard it was for me to get this body back. I am
still enjoying it, to have it ruined again with your big headed babies." I laughed,
she was extra.
Me: "This body is for me and me alone and I like it better when its carrying my big
headed babies."
Mimi: "Nqobani!" She playfully punched my shoulder. I was still laughing. We
eventually landed in Lesotho and we hired a car and we were good to go. Mimi's
mood changed
Me: "I am here."
Mimi: "Okay and thank you."
Me: "You welcome." Mimi's parents didn't live in the city part of Lesotho, they
were in the rurals. We got there and Mamello seemed happy and she went to hug
her parents
Mimi: "Mamello is the good daughter they wanted me to be. So don't be
surprised when they compare us, its always been like that." She said whispering in
my ear. No wonder things were so bad, Mimi didn't feel accepted by her parents
so she rebelled against them. I didn't understand half of the things they were
saying. Mimi had to translate for me more often
Mimi: "Baby my father wants to hold Njabulo."
Me: "Okay." Mimi took him from me and she gave him to her father and we went
outside. "Are you still okay?"
Mimi: "Yeah I am okay. Mama says them disowning me was them practicing
"tough love" they didn't think I was going to take this long to get my shit
together."
Me: "And how do you feel about that?" Tears came out and I wiped them.
Mimi: "I still think it's unfair baby, I was fucken 21 years old. Show me a 21 year
old who has their shit together. My parents just wanted me to be like Mamello
and that wasn't me." She was so emotional. Being there opened up a lot of hurt.
Her parents were really unfair.
Me: "They're there but not a lot. But don't let their choices affect you so much.
You have been angry for too long baby. Its time to let it go."
Mimi: "I am exhausted." I knew a lot about emotional exhaustion.
Me: "I know and it's time to bury the hatchet and move on. You have survived on
your own but you don't have to anymore. Your parents are here and I am also
here."
Mimi: "Okay. You are not going leave me? Because baby I am not perfect and I'll
make a 1000 mistakes."
Me: "I am not going anywhere. And baby I got into this aware of how human you
are."
Mimi: "Okay." We hugged "We need to head back we still have a double date with
Thingo le Hlanga."
Me: "We'll have it another time."
Mimi: "I have had enough for today baby. We'll see my parents some other time."
Me: "Okay." Njabulo bonded with his grandparents and Mimi exchanged numbers
with her parents. They really felt bad on missing out so much on Mimi's life, they
even apologized for not trying other methods of teaching Mimi responsibility.
Mimi just needed time to believe them and trust them again as her parents.
Mamello stayed and we flew back to Johannesburg early evening to make the
double date. We were watching a movie and later going clubbing according to the
women in our lives. My boy called me
Me: "Hlangalezwe."
Hlanga: "Double date yani lena? Clive cancel please so I can spend some alone
time with my wife."
Me: "Don't you think I haven't already tried. You cancel so my woman and I can
stay at home." I am guessing we both didn't want this
Hlanga: "I am in wife's good books right now so I guess I am seeing in an hour?" I
laughed
Me: "Thingo is running things kwa Mthethwa."
Hlanga: "Says a man who goes to photo shoots mxm. Mimi is pulling your dick I
am telling you." We laughed so hard, he'll never change from being crazy and we
hung up. Life was just so great something I had never even imagined happening
for me. I was a father and I was in love with the mother of my son and I was soon
to be married hopefully.
Nolwazi: "Bhut wam."
Me: "How far are you with fishing for me kant?"
Nolwazi: "I was going to call you but I had an interview. We should go ring
shopping mina nawe, I have found a perfect location for the event."
Me: "Okay, we'll go tomorrow and you'll tell me about your interview."
Nolwazi: "Okay." We hung up.
Mimi: "I am ready."
Me: "You look too good ngeke baby, let's not go."
Mimi: "Thank you. Clive ska bora tu (Don't be a bore please)."
Me: "We are not going." I folded my arms She was shocked "Not until you kiss me
and tell me you'll only look this good for me." She laughed
Mimi: "You are something else." She was still laughing "Of course baby this is only
for you and even better you get to take it off, how about that?" Now I really didn't
want us to go
Me: "I like it very very much." We kissed a long and passionate kiss. "I love you."
Mimi: "I love you too." I gave her my arm and we left for Mandela Square. Her
and Thingo had become friends in the short period we've been together and I
liked it very much.
NARRATED
Dr: "Everything looks great and I am happy with your post surgery scans."
Palesa: "So I will get pregnant now?" That's all Palesa cared about, the idea of
carrying Clive's baby.
Dr: "Miss Moloi the chances of you falling pregnant have increased but you need
to be patient because these things take time."
Palesa: "Okay, thank you doctor." She left her office and went to buy junk food
and alcohol. She was unemployed and manless that's how she survived lately. She
went back to her place and found her landlord
Landlord: "I was about to call, I thought you had moved out already, today was
the last day of your notice Miss Moloi." The woman was adding to her stress. The
thought of moving back home with her mother was depressing.
Palesa: "I'll be out by Friday, I couldn't find a truck to move my things but I found
one today."
Landlord: "Than that falls under a new month and you'll have to rent for it."
Palesa: "I won't be doing that. I'll be out by Friday, now move!" She snapped at
her landlord. The poor white lady moved and Palesa indulged on gin and tonic
and junk food.
======
Palesa had been home for a month and was a pain in the ass according to her
mother
Manini: "Mama called she says you've lost it."
Palesa: "Leave me alone." She took a huge bite of her kota and downed it with
flying fish beer.
Manini: "Hee ausi! So how long are you going to sit like this doing nothing?"
Palesa: "..." she looked at her sister "My life is over Manini, Clive doesn't want me
anymore. He's playing happy family with Mimi le mshimane wa hae(his son)." She
cried "Ausi Manini Mimi is living my life. I was supposed to be in his arms. Look"
she showed her Mimi's instagram account. Everything was there pictures and
videos of them as a family and family outings. They looked insanely happy and
Palesa was dying of jealousy "Clive's account is even worse, he even takes
pictures of her sleeping, like who does that?" There was envy as well.
Manini: "So what are you going to do to get your man back Pali huh? Because
mama and I are over your self pity and overeating."
Palesa: "There's nothing to do. I went there and tried to maybe wake up a spark
and he was pissed at my presence."
Manini: "Fine I'll fix this for you."
Palesa: "Hayyy Manini I don't want to go to Mme Sango." Mme Sango was
Manini's herbalist who Manini has been convincing Palesa to go for luck.
Manini: "Mimi is the problem here and she seems to be smarter than you, no
wonder she has Clive." Palesa was hurt by that "Fine if you won't go to Mme
Sango."
Palesa: "Do you have another plan?"
Manini: "I do but its a bit extreme." She looked at her sister. The difference
between Manini and Palesa was that Palesa still had a conscious. Manini had
schemed and lied so much that she didn't see when she has crossed the line "Be
prepared to be a stepmother because we'll take Mimi out of the equation
permanently."
Palesa: "Ausi Manini!" She wasn't ready for such plan
Manini: "Do you have a better plan?" She shook her head "After 5 years of being
with a politician you learn a few tricks." She took out her phone and called a hit
man. "Here's the plan. You are moving in with me for a while until this is done.
You need to let Clive know somehow that you are full time in Joburg so that when
its done he'll reach out to you and you'll be his shoulder to cry on."
Palesa: "Okay. The guys has to make it look like an accident ausi we don't it to
backfire on us." And just like that Palesa had crossover to the dark side, she didn't
even realize it.
Manini: "He knows his thing don't worry." Palesa was suddenly so hopeful for the
future, she didn't even want the kota she had been eating.
THINGO
Hlanga: "Baby I don't want is to go." If I don't get Hlanga out of the house guys I'll
have a permanent penguin walk. All we did was have sex, all the time and
everywhere. I think breathing came second after sex for us now.
Me: "Baby Mimi texted that they are leaving, we should leave as well. You should
be happy you've been complaining about how domesticated Nqobani was now
that Mimi is in the picture."
Hlanga: "I wasn't complaining, it's just that she's less available now. Please go
change those jeans baby, I don't like them."
Me: "Since when?"
Hlanga: "Since now." He was smiling and I was confused.
Me: "Come pick something for me to wear ke, we going clubbing after the movies
remember that."
Hlanga: "Okay." He went to my closest and came back with a black bodycon dress
Me: "I only wear dress in KZN Hlanga." Was he kidding me "I thought you'll come
back with a jumpsuit or another pair of jeans."
Hlanga: "No jumpsuit complicate things and jeans are too tight. This dress is
perfect." Wow, my husband was something else. He even helped me put it on
guys "Look how amazing you look, yeses my baby ngathatha man(I married well)!"
He took pride in the fact that I was his wife. I had never been so loved in my life,
him choosing outfits for me was a small price to pay for the love he had shown
me since day 1. Being with Hlanga has taught me so much about life and about
myself. I was also learning myself and figuring out who I really was. At that point I
was even questioning if did I really want to meet my father or was it because I
was lonely and Hlanga had disappointed me. We left for the mall and we found
the couple already waiting for us
Mimi: "We picked a movie my baby and I want Traffik plus Paula Patton is in it."
Me: "I don't like Triller. I want Romcom and musicals. Mama Mia is playing."
Nqobani: "We got here first so we get to decide and motto waka o batla Taffik." I
was sad
Me: "Baby." I looked at him, "I want Mama Mia." I batted my eyelashes and
brushed his chest.
Hlanga: "We are watching Mama Mia Nqobani."
Mimi: "Haaa Bhungane!!" Mimi and I were fighting through our men and I wasn't
backing down.
Me: "Nyambose wam."
Nqobani&Clive: "Mxm!!!" They left us and we were both confused.
Me: "I suggested the movie Mimi and you came up with the clubbing idea."
Mimi: "You came late Thingo and I hate musicals." We looked at each and laughed
Me: "Let's go clubbing because there is no way I am watching things with guns."
Mimi: "You'll make a bad lawyer, you so soft."
Me: "Mxm." We both called our partners
Mimi: "I don't believe this."
Me: "Mxm." They were drinking at The Grillhouse. Our plans changed to drinks
and dinner and we later went clubbing and we went to their club, it made sense.
Hlanga sneeked me to their office and before I could register he had lifted my
dress and had dropped my thong "So this is why you wanted me in a dress?"
Hlanga: "Yesss! Makes things easy." I was face down on the desk and he slowly
inserted himself in. "Shit!!!"
Me: "Aaah!" We had one amazing quickie and we went to dance even though I
couldn't to save my life. I was really enjoying married life, Hlanga was the best
man to be married to. Yes he was traditional but he wasn't extreme, I sometimes
got woken up with breakfast in bed for no reason, for the sake of being his wife
he got lunch delivered for me at school. And we also got do fun stuff as couple
like movies and clubbing, even double dating. I was waiting for Hlelo to get a man
and we'll be triple dating for sure. I was still convincing him to couple massages
and my man wasn't caving.
====
It was a rainy Saturday and my husband and I were in bed cuddling and watching
Insecure. He didn't have a choice, I also watch soccer and played video games.
That was marriage life, compromising.
Me: "Thank you for not being Lawrence and forgiving for cheating." That was the
episode we had just watched. The main character had cheated on her boyfriend
Lawrence and Lawrence moved out and their relationship ended.
Hlanga: "I am not Lawrence baby and I feel Lawrence priorities aren't in check
anyway just like mine were not when you cheated. It was a wake up call for me
and it should have been for Lawrence as well but he chose to dwell on the hurt.
Issa had been patient with him for fucken four years, and it was just sex not the
end of the world." Wow, should I be worried? "We both acted poorly before but
we took responsibility for our actions and now we are making it work. And I am
learning a lot and I am enjoying being committed to you wholeheartedly."
Me: "Me too baby. I want to be here with you." We kissed "I love you."
Hlanga: "I love you even more baby." Our moment was disturbed by a call from
my mother-in-law “Oh nkos yam ingabe uban onomcimbi manje(my word, I
wonder who has a ceremony now)?” Hlanga laughed and I was bored to death
“Sawubona mama wethu.”
Ma: “Siphosethu ubuyile uHlangalezwe(is Hlanga back)?” she didn’t sound okay
Me: “Ukhona ma(he's back), ngabe yonke into ihamba kahle(Is everything okay)?”
Ma: “Cha ntombi yam ubaba wenu usesbhedlela(no my girl, your father is in
hospital).”
Me: “Okay ma sise ndleleni(we are on our way). Ukusiphi sona(which hospital)?”
Ma: “Sise Life eWestville.”
Me: “Okay siyeza ma(we are coming).”
Hlanga: “Siyaphi manje(where are we going)?”
Me: “Book us a flight to Durban now, baba is in hospital.” I got out of bed and
took out a suitcase to pack our clothes
Hlanga: “Uma ushilo yini kuth kwenze njan(did ma say what's wrong)?”
Me: “I didn’t ask, she needs us. We’ll talk when we get there.” He took his laptop
and did his thing while I packed for us
Hlanga: “there is one in 3 hours.”
Me: “Okay. We’ll have hire a car for when we get there.”
Hlanga: “I will talk to Ndumiso.” I didn’t even know who that was
Me: “You hungry?” he shook his head. He never declines food, it must be the
news about his father. “I am sure he’ll be fine baby. Don’t stress.” Time was
moving slowly and I was dealing with a very impatient man, eventually we
boarded our flight and we landed in Durban an hour later, a car was already
waiting for us. I didn’t even want to know, we drove to Life hospital and we found
ma in a state. Hlanga hugged his mother and she just cried. I went to buy water
and gave it to her
Ma: “Hlanga he was poisoned.” What?? shock was written in both my husband
and I's faces.
Hlanga: “What? Kanjan ma(how)?”
Ma: “I didn’t hear half of what the doctors said, I heard poisoned.” She was still
crying.
Hlanga: “I will speak to them.”
Me: “I will go find them.” He nodded and he stayed with his mother. I asked the
nurse at the front desk and he paged him for me and I left and went back.
Ma: “Your uncles came to fetch him so they could have some family meeting, you
know izinto zakwa Mthethwa azipheli(there's always something).” He nodded in
understanding.
Hlanga: “When was this?”
Ma: “Izolo(yesterday).” He nodded “Than this morning he complained about
headache and dizziness. I told him to lie down. When he started vomiting I
panicked and I drove us here.” She drove, siyabonga. But that wasn’t the place.
The more uma told the story the more it looked like baba was poisoned by his
own brothers, but I was just a wife. I had to listen to what my husband told me
joh this case was going to interesting to prove. The lawyer in me was always
around. The doctor came and they spoke with Hlanga away from us. We went to
see him and he was plugged in machines, it wasn’t a sight I wanted to see my
father-in-law in.
Me: “Should I book us a place, or we’ll drive home?” I was talking to a now very
silent and I think angry husband. He kissed me
Hlanga: “Ngyakthanda.”
Me: “I love you too baby.” I hugged him. He wasn’t okay.
Hlanga: “Go and fetch uBanele. And please pack a bag for my mother as well.” He
sighed “I will handle the accommodation.”
Me: “Okay. Are you going to be fine?” he nodded. We kissed and he handed me
the keys and I left. I found Banele not a clue of whats was happening, I told her to
pack a bag as well, I packed for ma and we left. Hlanga texted me the directions to
the hotel he had booked for us. I left the bags and I took Banele to baba’s ward
and Lonhle was already there. Banele lost it, I understood. It was really bad and
the doctor had no clear idea to give us. Later that day we went to the hotel and
rested. He was so quiet it scared me a little. I undressed, I was left in just my
underwear. He was looking at me since he had been sitting on the couch. I walked
to him and he held on to my waist, his jogger already had a dick print on it. He
was a man who used sex as a release and he was my man. I dropped my thong to
the floor and I pulled out his hard dick and I slowly sat on it “Its me Nyambose,
talk to me.” Yes we were going have this feelings conversation.
Hlanga: “Fuck. Baby I cant.” He was holding it in, he tried to make me move and I
didn't.
Me: “Talk to me sthandwa sam.” I started moving my ass slowly just to tease him
than I stopped and I took his face and made him look at me “Tell me how you fell
my love.” I was moving so slow
Hlanga: “SHIT!!! SIPHOSETHU THEY TRIED TO KILL HIM, HOW DO YOU THINK I
FEEL?” that’s were I wanted us to go he picked me up and pinned me against the
wall. He started fucking me hard, it was painful because I was being punished for
something I didn’t do
Me: “Let it all out baba.” He went deeper with his thrusts
Hlanga: “Aaaah Fuuuuuccck!!” his face was of a monster “I WILL KILL ALL OF
THEM.” I wasn’t ready for that part. Or he was just saying because he was
hurting? He threw me on the bed and made me bend over and he did the most
with that pussy
Me: “Aaah baby slow down.” He wasn’t even listening to me. He was groaning so
loud, if the room wasn’t sound-proof the whole of Durban was going to hear us
because I was screaming. It was painfully amazing.
Hlanga: “BABY THEY WOKE UP A SLEEPING BEAST.” He spanked my ass hard.
“Aaaah shit! Shit!” he came apart. I got into bed and he took off his clothes and
joined me. He made me lie on his chest, I loved his chest. From the first night we
spent together. He kissed my forehead and took a deep sigh. “The tests show an
indigestion of a plant called Nerium oleander.” I looked at him “angilazi the Zulu
name but once ingested one of the symptoms is heart failure which he didn’t
suffer from luckily. But the other symptoms are there like nausea, blurred vision.”
The sadness in his voice killed me, I hated seeing him like this. He was like this
when Banele was admitted for the back door abortion.
Me: “Is he going to be fine?”
Hlanga: “Baby you saw him, he is not good. His heart is so weak, the doctors don’t
know.”
Me: “I am sorry Nyambose.”
Hlanga: “Tomorrow you going back to Joburg. You have school on Monday” was
he trying to get rid of me?
Me: “No baby its fine I will catch up from Hlelo or Bheka. You need me here.”
Hlanga: “Its fine baby, there is nothing much to do but to sit and wait. You will
come back on Friday.”
Me: “Are you going to be fine? Baby I am worried about you.”
Hlanga: “I am not fine baby, I admit that but I don’t want to talk about it. I get
worked up at the thought of what my uncles tried to do. Siphosethu they wanted
to kill him, why?” it was really fucked up what they tried to do.
Me: “I don’t know baby.”
Hlanga: “Well I will find out, that’s for sure and it wont be pretty. Nxa!!” he was
really angry and it was understandable. “Lets sleep.” We cuddled and he kissed
the back of my neck. It had been a stressful day. Hlanga’s family was too big not
to have drama actually but murder that was a stretch. Were we even safe?

»36«
CONTINUED
NARRATED
Esigodini sase Mzinyathi...
Inkosi Phathisizwe wasn't doing well. The dreams hadn't stopped and he wasn't
coping, the thought of have a princess, something he's always wanted was
affecting his health.
Wife1: "Ndabezitha I think you should seek for second opinion."
Inkosi: "What are you saying Khethi, that I should hire another investigator?"
Wife1: "I really think you should baba, maybe he'll come back with better
different news, better news." Inkosi didn't think he'll handle being disappointed
again.
Inkosi: "Maybe its time I give up and accept that I'll never know the truth." He
thought to himself, why the dreams only came now and how old was this princess
because he had never stepped out on his wives. "Maybe Nyawo was wrong."
Wife1: "Ndabezitha Nyawo has never been wrong and I doubt he'll start now. Go
see him to confirm."
Inkosi: "MaSangweni I am letting this go. Its clear that I was never meant to meet
her." Deep down he was hurting. The news of the existence of a princess has
changed things at the royal house. Inkosi spent his days pining over her instead of
handling royal matters. The wives were worried and so were his sons.
HLANGA
Things were going so well for me, my wife and I were in the right place. Business
wise we were basically leading organised crime in South Africa especially after
taking out the Nigerians but that's not the point. My point is my father lying on
that hospital bed lifeless was slowly killing me. Lonhle and I had been at the
hospital since we flew in, together with my mother. Banele had school so she had
to go back.
Dr: "Mr Mthethwa has opened his eyes." We all jumped from our chairs
Ma: "Can we see him?" Tears were already running down her cheeks
Dr: "5 minutes. He still needs his rest." We all went in to see him
Ma: "Oh kodwa nkos yam Themba." He was still my father just darker now and he
had an oxygen mask on. My father removed his mask
Baba: "Thu... Thula... lani." What?
Lonhle: "He did this?" Oh he meant his brother
Baba: "Find him." He put his oxygen mask back on again
Ma: "Kodwa Nyambose get well first you'll deal with your brothers later."
Baba: "Find him Hlangalezwe."
Me: "Okay." We stayed with him and mother prayed and after a while Lonhle and
I left leaving my mother.
Lonhle: "So how are we going to play this one out." Good question
Me: "I fail to understand why would Bab' Thulani out of all people would want
baba dead. We have to be careful Lonhle."
Lonhle: "I know. It doesn't make sense baba and Bab' Thulani always have each
other's backs. Its the other 4 that I never trusted." He wasn't wrong.
Me: "Let's call them informing them about baba being in hospital and we'll see
what happens after that." I wanted to study them and see their reaction.
Lonhle: "Don't tell them he's getting better just say the doctors don't know." I
guess my brother and I had the same idea.
Me: "Mmm." And I called all five of them and they were available to come and
"support" my mother. Bab' Thulani's phone was off and that made me suspicious.
Lonhle: "And?"
Me: "They want to come see him."
Lonhle: "That's not happening." Of course it wasn't so they can finish him off.
Me: "Thulani's phone is off." We looked at each other. This wasn't good, I was
actually fond of my uncle and now I had to kill him. "Let me get my guys to watch
ma and make sure no one sees baba." I made the call and Sizwe was available
with a few guys.
Lonhle: "You back to scheming, baba wont like this Hlanga."
Me: "He doesn't have to know Mpilonhle especially not now."
Lonhle: "You are an idiot." We drove home to meet my uncles. The saying goes
"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer" that's exactly what I was doing
with my uncles. My father had always preached about watching my temper and
to think before acting, well I have grown and I was going to handle my uncles
diligently.
Bab' Muzi: "Ohhh Nyambose!" We all shook hands
Bab' Bheki: "Yin mfana, usithuselani ngo Themba(Why are you scaring us with
your father's health)?"
Me: "Kubi baba(its bad) and the doctors aren't hopeful." You should have seen
their faces. They looked worried.
Bab' Mzwake: "What happened, was he sick?"
Bab' Muzi: "We need to talk about the future. Does he have a will?"
Lonhle: "It's too soon for such talks. I don't want to hear you mention the
possibility of my father dying!!!" He lost it and he shocked the whole room
Bab' Muzi: "Calm down Mpilonhle. You both said things aren't good, I also don't
want to talk about the possibility of losing my brother." These men were good
actors and they were pissing me off each passing second.
Me: "I wanted to inform you about his condition since you can't see him. I'll be in
touch if anything changes."
Mzwakhe: "We are here for you boys together with your mother and sister."
Mxm!!
Us: "Siyabonga baba." It killed me saying that because I was lying. They left and I
called Sbusiso asking about his father's whereabouts.
Sbu: "He's in Swaziland, left 2 weeks ago." So he wasn't involved in my father's
attempted assassination.
Me: "If you have a way of getting a hold of him please tell him baba is in hospital."
Sbu: "What? Okay I'll do that. Which hospital so I can come see him?" Sbusiso was
my boy even when he does dumb shit. We spoke and he told me we'll meet at the
hospital and he'll notify his father about mine. Sbusiso's mother was from
Swaziland I guess that's why he was there.
======
My father was recovering just fine and my wife came to KZN to play her part. She
really took being a wife seriously, not that I was complaining.
Me: "You look tired." We hugged and kissed. She had just landed from Joburg
Thingo: "Final year is so demanding baby. I dont even know what the name word
free time means anymore." We got into the car "Are you okay? How's my father
in law?" I chuckled.
Me: "In the 3 weeks the doctors are seeing progress. But he suffered organ
damage so it will take a while for him to get back to full function." I sighed "I still
can't phantom the idea that they wanted to make my mother a widow and leave
us fatherless. There is no forgiving this, their day is coming that's for sure."
Thingo: "Karma will deal with them baby." I guess I am karma
Me: "mmm" we got home and I found the man I had been patiently waiting for
Bab' Thulani: "We need to talk."
Thingo: "Baby, I am wearing pants." She panicked and I laughed " Its not funny, I
thought I was going to change for when we go to the hospital." She was a
Mthethwa wife and pants weren't allowed at all but she was young and I didn't
want her being unhappy somehow. I kissed her
Me: "I'll deal with him, go change."
Thingo: "Okay. Thank you." I got out the car
Me: "Let's talk in the house."
Bab' Thulani: "Let's go to the hospital, your father needs to be present."
Me: "Okay." We got in his car and we left. The drive to the hospital I was filling
him in on what he missed out on
Bab' Thulani: "The past is catching up with us Hlangalezwe. I don't believe they've
gotten greedy as well."
Me: "Is this what is about, the past?"
Bab' Thulani: "Its best to talk about it when we are all in the room." We got to the
hospital and went straight to my father's room.
Baba: "You are back?"
Bab Thulani: "I came as soon as I heard what they had done." They shook hands
Baba: "They haven't gotten over Sbongiseni's dilemma." That name! He was my
father's brother.
Me: "He wasn't innocent and they certainly didn't have to kill you for it."
Bab Thulani: "I knew it. And Hlanga is right he wasn't innocent and we did what
any father in our shoes would've done."
Baba: "Brother or not."
Me: "Bo baba you need to be careful now and I think they are coming after you
next." I was looking at Thulani "They were even talking about the will."
Baba: "That's why they were asking about my assets the day they poisoned me.
Bafo this is not good, they mean business." They looked at each other
Bab Thulani: "There's 2 of us and 4 of them." They seemed defeated. This was the
downside coming from a big family. Ours was worse because it was polygamous
as well. My grandfather had 2 wives and they hated each other and that caused
distrust amongst our fathers. Baba had two brothers from his mother and that
was Bab' Thulani and one died. Sbongiseni was from the other wife. So you
understood why they all chose sides, they each stuck to their own.
Me: "That's not true. You have me now, back then things were complicated and I
was young but now things are different. They are not going to come here and
think they can do as they please especially over a 20 something year old grudge.
Sbongiseni was a child molester and death is what he deserved."
Baba: "Here's what's going to happen now. We are going to play dumb and act as
if nothing happened." Bab' Thulani looked at him as if he was talking Chinese.
Bab' Thulani: "Are you crazy, bafo? They tried to kill you. Had they succeeded
we'd be talking a different story right now."
Baba: "They didn't succeed. I am not saying we won't do anything all I am saying is
let's play dead for now and see what they do next and we'll be more aware and
prepared if they try something else."
Me: "I don't like this, who's to say they wont try something more efficient and
extreme next time?"
Bab Thulani: "What if they choose to hurt our families. Themba we need to react
and fast."
Baba: "Hlanga should have been your son, you both are so impatient."
Me: "Baba now is not the time to joke. I don't think you understand how
dangerous your brothers are. I saw them, they acted all concerned and worried
and if you didn't know you'd believe them."
Baba: "It's clear that we underestimated them. That's why I am saying we need to
take time to study them by acting ignorant."
Bab' Thulani: "As long we'll strike before they strike I am okay with that."
Me: "We first need to find the mastermind. Between Muzi and Bheki, I am not
sure."
Baba: "Now I can claim you as my son. This is a domino effect if the leader falls
the rest follows. I bet its Bheki, he's always been greedy and conniving since we
were growing up."
Bab' Thulani: "I wouldn't put it past Muzi either. He's heartless that one,
remember when he peed in our tea." Imagine! This is what my fathers grew up in.
By the looks of things they were jealous of my father and his siblings because they
were the ones who were bullied. Anyway we carried on planning on taking my
uncles down. I never thought this day would come, having to plan on killing your
own blood.
Baba: "A lot is about to change and you need to prepare your wife Hlangalezwe."
Me: "Baba I don't think it's okay telling Siphosethu about how fucked up our
family is. Me preparing her would mean I have to tell her the reason why this is
happening."
Bab' Thulani: "You've been married for 3 years Hlangalezwe, tell her man!"
Me: "I just don't want my wife to look at me differently."
Baba: "She won't. You two are in this together. Once you open up it make a lot of
things fall into place. Even the anger you've been holding in so much will slowly
subside."
Me: "..." I wasn't going to tell her. She didn't need to know. The truth was I was
ashamed, my past was something I didn't want to relive. Its was already in my
head I didn't need my wife thinking about it as well of how powerless I was when
Sbongiseni did as he pleased. I left and went to find Sbusiso. He was with his
actual wife.
Sbu: "Blood brother." We bro hugged
Me: "Did you tell Hloni about your childhood and what went down?" His face
changed. That's how I got whenever the topic came up as well. I wasn't the only
one he took advantage of, hence why both our fathers killed him.
Sbu: "I did but we don't talk about it. Its not something I want to discuss. And if
you want to talk about it please leave Hlangalezwe."
Me: "Baba says I should tell my wife so I want to maybe know if opening up is
worth it?"
Sbu: "It is. She's your wife Hlanga she won't judge you because I know that's what
you scared of." He wasn't wrong.
Me: "Okay, maybe you have a point."
=========
Thingo: "You seem better. I guess with baba getting better your mood is also
improving. I was really worried about you because I didn't know how to help you."
My wife, she cared too much.
Me: "You being here is helping. Your constant check ups keep me sane baby.
Thank you." We kissed
Thingo: "That's why you married right, to love you and to worry about you." I
chuckled
Me: "No I married you because I couldn't imagine life without you." She blushed,
she was still so beautiful just fatter now and I think I preferred her that way
Thingo: "I can't imagine life without you too." I honestly didn't think we'd get
here. At the rate we were going, we were heading for a place with a lot of hatred
and resentment.
NARRATED
Things got worse and cold at James mansion.
Pru: "I think we just have to claim a fake pregnancy and adopt a baby boy
Melisizwe." He looked at his wife in disbelief
Meli: "That's crazy Prudence." Melisizwe couldn't believe how insane his wife had
gone.
Pru: "Meli I am tired of this life. When I fell pregnant with Andiswa you told me
you'll take care of us and we'll have nothing to worry about. Well I am worried
and fucken pissed." She was really fed up of the life she was living "Meli we live
with your parents. They are not happy we are here, your mother is so fed up to a
point where she counts how many slices of bread I eat."
Meli: "Ufuna ndi thini Prudence huh(What do you want me to do)?"
Pru: "Meli what did you do that has us suffering like this, huh? I didn't leave my
mother's house to suffer like this. Meli I dropped out if varsity because wena uyi
ndoda enakekela inzinto(you are a man who handles things) that's what you told
me. Is this what you meant? You know what my kids and I are moving in with my
mother because I will not stay here as if I don't have a home."
Meli: "Don't you think I would've done something about this situation had I
known? How dare you tell me that I am not man enough? We Prudence you seem
to forget that I built your mother's house when you still thought of me as a man!
Yandicaphukisa kwa wena mfazi ndini(you are also pissing me off woman)!" He
left their bedroom and went to take his mother's car since his needed service and
he didn't have the money. He drove to the mall just to clear his head. He went to
the movies and came out a while later. These are the things he used to do with his
wife when things were still great. He missed his old life, he couldn't believe that
he even missed being a teacher. Maybe that's why things weren't working out for
him because of the few brokenhearts he left back there he thought to himself.
Voice: "Sbongakonke behave or we are going back home!" He turned for some
weird reason the voice sounded familiar. He couldn't believe his eyes
Meli: "Hlelo is that you?" Hlelo just looked at the monster in front of her. Her only
thought was her son.
Hlelo: "..." she grabbed her son's arm
Sbonga: "Mama movie please!!" Meli looked at the impatient little boy and he
saw himself. He looked at Hlelo who instead of answering took her son's hand and
ran and disappeared into the crowd.
Meli: "I have a son." Things were about to change for Melisizwe.

»37«
THINGO
A month and few weeks later baba was still hospital and was recovering quite
well. Ma drove everyday to the hospital to be with him, those two loved each
other and that was me and Hlanga someday, it took me a while to finally accept
this but he was the love of my life and there was no one else for me but him.
Banele was fine and Lonhle was just like his brother, never said a word when he
was around. Hlanga was in the KZN throughout baba’s recovery and I flew in
every Friday after my classes. I had just gotten back and Sandile was picking me
up since he was in Durban, he was a cool guy. Polite and understanding just like
his aunt, Hlanga’s mother.
Hlanga: “I don’t hate you Banele. I hate what you did.” I had just opened the door.
They didn’t hear me "You almost died baby sis and that scared me but mostly I
was disappointed at how low you think of yourself. Banele you are beautiful and
you deserve everything good in your life, don't let boys tell you otherwise." I
wanted a big brother like Hlanga guys.
Banele: “I am sorry bhuti, I really am. I was scared and I didn’t know what to do
and I really loved him.”
Hlanga: “I know baby sis and don't blame yourself. What you went through wasn’t
easy, but Banele you come to me when you are scared. You remember how I used
to chase away dad’s chickens for you so you can leave the house.” they both
laughed
Banele: “Yes. And I was really scared of them.” She giggled
Hlanga: “As your brother you come to me when you scared no matter how bad
things are, we'll figure it out.” There was silent. That was my husband guys, how
was I not to fall in love with someone with such a big heart. “Maybe you felt
coming to me about being pregnant was uncomfortable, there is Siphosethu now
and she is your sister.”
Banele: “Now that I have had time to think about it, I know I acted poorly. I know I
cant reverse it but I learnt something from it.”
Hlanga: “That’s good. I love you okay.”
Banele: “I love you too.” That was my que to enter.
Me: “Hello everyone!” and I was met by smiles from both of them “Come and get
some love” I opened my arms for a hug. We hugged while Banele was giggling
Hlanga: “You are an idiot.”
Me: “One sexy idiot.” He laughed
Banele: “I am leaving. Its good to see you Siphosethu.” we hugged as well
Me: “Its good be back in the motherland.” She laughed
Banele: “You are bhuti’s idiot.” We laughed and she left. I was attacked by a very
arousing kiss. I needed him in me that moment we took off each other clothes
fast like lightening. He threw me on the bed and got between my legs and he
slowly entered me
Hlanga: “Hi.” He had the cutest smile.
Me: “Ngyakthanda.” I did love him. “Aaaah.”
Hlanga: "Ngyakthanda nam." He started moving after 2 very intense rounds in the
room and 1 in the shower. We got dressed to go and visit baba
Hlanga: “We are going to a hospital Siphosethu not a fashion show.”
Me: “I know. All my dresses seem too tight Hlanga. I cant wear sweat pants in
front of your parents.”
Hlanga: “I am leaving you.” I settled for the less tight dress, I just didn’t feel like
wearing it but I was dealing with a very impatient man. We went to the car, it was
the four of us including Banele and Sandile.
Me: “You annoy me sometimes Hlangalezwe.” Hlanga's impatience was a lot
sometimes.
Hlanga: “Siphosethu please, not now.”
Me: “Mxm.” We drove to Durban with music playing in the car. We got to the
hospital and baba was even better than the past week.
Baba: “Zodwa please give Hlanga, Siphosethu and I the room.” they all stood up
and it was just us “Siphosethu there will come a time when us as your parents
wont be around. I need to trust that you have our back because we were a unit.” I
nodded mostly out of fear. There was something about my father-in-law, you
respected him without question. “Hlangalezwe, you need to tell her the truth.”
Hlanga: “Baba!”
Baba: “Hlanga you have to. It will help the both of you, a union with secrets hardly
survives.”
Hlanga: “…”
Baba: “She is part of us and she needs to know what she is dealing with.”
Hlanga: “Okay.” whatever it was, it was making Hlanga uneasy and I was really
scared because my pussy had to deal with it. Visiting hours were over and we all
left. We got home and everyone went to their rooms. I wasn’t going to push, I
was going to wait for him to come to me. “Sleep I am sure you are tired, I will see
you in the morning.”
Me: “You don’t have to run away from me, we’ll talk when you ready.” He came
closer to me
Hlanga: “I am not running away.” He kissed me and I responded “I need to go see
someone.”
Me: “Okay. I will wait up, I have a lot to do anyway.”
Hlanga: “Okay.”
Me: “Whatever it is Nyambose we’ll get through it.” I had hope
Hlanga: “We don’t have a choice Thingo lwam.” He held my face and made me
look at him and looked at me the only way he did. He was having one of his
moments “You are stuck with me.” I smiled, he was my beast.
Me: “There is no one else to be stuck with.” That made him smile and I kissed him
“Now go so you can come back.” he chuckled
Hlanga: “Sengixoshwa wuwe futhi(you are chasing me away now)?”
Me: “Okay stay ke.” He laughed and took the car keys and left. I needed to get
down with my thesis, Hlelo and Bheka were already halfway and I was having
problems with what to base it on. There was no wifi in the village but my phone
had internet so I was there searching and jotting down information. I needed to
work harder, Hlanga turned his life upside down for me to get that degree. So it
was ours, my husband even studied with me sometimes. Tell me would you leave
someone like that just because he has a past, something you cant change?
Hlanga: “Get dressed we are going out.” I jumped, I didn’t hear him come in.
Me: “Oh my Hlangalezwe is that blood?” I got out of bed “Are you hurt, what
happened?” I was busy touching him and I was getting emotional
Hlanga: “Nothing happened.” He made me look at him “Why are you crying? I am
fine.” He was smiling and I didn’t understand what was funny.
Me: “I don’t think I can take anyone being hurt right now. Its too much baby.” He
was still smiling. “Mxm! Hlanga this is serious, whose blood is that?”
smiling. “Mxm! Hlanga this is serious, whose blood is that?”
Hlanga: “Some idiot. I will change and we are leaving.” I nodded, I got dressed in
sweat pants and a hoody it was in the middle of the night. “Asambe(Let's go).” He
took my hand and we went to the car. He drove us to the beach, it was share-
time. He set up a blanket and a bottle of Remy Martin and ice with tonic water. I
poured us drinks and we sat down and watched the waves. We laid down facing
the stars, I loved these moments with him. We were one whenever we were at
the beach “My uncle molested me from when I was 7 until I was 10 years old.” I
wasn’t ready for that, what the fuck?? "I knew it was wrong but he was my uncle
and he made me feel special, he bought me the latest toys or anything I wanted. I
don’t know how my father and uncle found out but they did and my uncle just
disappeared. He never came to any of our family gatherings after that. They sat
me down and explained pedophilia to me and that’s when things went south in
my head, I became a very lose cannon and went through a rebelling phase. I was
uncontrolled, I dropped out of school and joined a gang. We did everything
gangsters do steal, kill and manipulate.”
Me: “Hlangalezwe.” Tears started coming out my eyes
Hlanga: “Baba telling me that my uncle was a sick bastard and I wasn’t the only
boy he molested drove me crazy Thingo. I basically died because not only was it
painful but he made me like it because he kept on saying I was his special boy.” I
was so hurt, hurt for what that man did to him. He was only seven. So helpless
and vulnerable.
Hlanga: "I hate talking about my childhood. Having to admit that I am a victim, I
don't like it. It drives me crazy because then I'll have to admit that I was powerless
and vulnerable." No wonder he has control issues. He was still fighting his uncle as
grown as he was. I took his hands and kissed them and he wiped my tears instead.
We looked at each other.
Me: "I am really sorry for everything you went through. I hate to see you in pain
Nyambose it makes me like I am not doing enough as your wife or friend." He
carried on wiping my tears. I was so emotional any form of abuse was necessary
but to a child it was inhumane.
Hlanga: "Baby I am not an easy person to deal with simply because of what I went
through. I was scared no actually I am still scared that you'll also see me as a
victim and not your husband or maybe you'll leave me and find someone less
damaged. I don't deserve you Thingo lwam" After the hell my aunt was I wasn't
leaving the heaven he had given me
Me: "I am not going anywhere. Hlanga your uncle took advantage of you. You
didn't choose any of things he did you. Nyambose you deserve me and I deserve
you." He didn't believe me. I kissed him "I love you and whatever baggage you
come with." He kissed me
Hlanga: "I love you even more mamasekhaya." I smiled
Me: "So what happened to your uncle?”
Hlanga: “They killed him. I would’ve probably done the same thing had they not
beat me to it.” here is this killing thing again. I know he is a trained killer by
profession but now hearing that he did it as a hobby kinda scared me a little.
Hlanga: “I am far from being fine Thingo lwam but I am working on it. He took
away so many things from me, especially my innocence. There are things when I
look at other people and feel like I would’ve loved to experience that but I never
will because he changed me basically. I also need you to understand that I don’t
regret anything in my life, he is something that happened to me but the rest is
me. The choices I have made thus far, was all me. Yes I did lose my way at some
point but I made it back and I am here now, trying to be the husband you
deserve.” I made him lie on his back and I laid my head on his chest. I listened to
his heart beat. Him and I had a long way to go, he wasn’t like other men but I
have always known that. I mean he wanted me as his wife, that’s crazy right?
"Thank you for giving me a chance at a normal life. I never thought that I'll make it
this far or that I'll meet someone like you and fall in love and be loved like you
love me." He really didn't see how amazing he was and I was going to prove it to
him.
Me: “Does baba’s poisoning incident have anything to do with the uncle that
molested you?” it would make sense actually. The other uncles revenging their
dead brother.
Hlanga: “We are not sure yet but we are still investigating hence the bloody
clothes.”
Me: “Voilence doesn’t solve anything Nyambose.” He chuckled in a way saying I
disagree “Are we even safe?”
Hlanga: “No you are not. So no more going to ceremonies for you and ma or any
Mthethwa family visits until we get to the bottom of this.” I nodded
Me: “Can we talk about you being a gangster?” He chuckled “It’s in the past
right?”
Hlanga: “Once a gangster always a gangster Thingo lwam.”
Me: “I don’t think I like that. Hlanga I lost my mother to violence, I can't afford to
lose you like that again. Hlanga we are planning on starting a family please don't
put our lives in danger.” I actually getting worked up, he had to leave that life in
the past
Hlanga: "Uyangthanda angith?” he pecked my lips
Me: “Of course.”
Hlanga: “Ngyakthanda nam.” He didn’t give me a definite answer, he was being
very cagey “Why aren’t you drinking with me?”
Me: “It tastes weird plus the news needed me of sober mind.” I didn't feel like
alcohol I didn't like the smell.
Hlanga: “You are so ungrateful yaz. My alcohol doesn’t taste weird.” I laughed
Me: “Why do I feel like you love alcohol more than me?” he chuckled and got in
between my legs. We kissed and his hand went inside my sweatpants and he
inserted his finger in my pussy. He stopped kissing me and we looked at each
other. His fingers got me wetter by the moment “Ba..by.” we were still looking at
each other. Next thing his thumb started rubbing my clit “Aaaah.” I bit my lower
lip and closed my eyes
Hlanga: “Look at me Thingo lwam.” He kept on finger fucking me. His fingers
weren’t the same as his penis though
Me: “Baby cela uNyambose omncane.” He chuckled and dropped his pants just
enough to set young Nyambose free. He eased into me and just like that we had
sex at the beach. It was confirmed I was a sex freak.
Hlanga: “Alcohol could never make me feel this happy Thingo lwam. Nothing
could make me feel this complete but you, you are indeed my rainbow.” He kissed
me so passionately “Ngyakthanda Thingo lwam.” He really did love me, he didn’t
have to say it. It was in his actions.
Me: “You better.” He laughed “I cant believe we have been married 3 years this
August.”
Hlanga: “I know, time flies.”
Me: “Hlanga you didn’t even date me or let alone court me.” He laughed “You just
jumped into tying me down.”
Hlanga: “Its always been you Thingo lwam. From how we met, to me proposing.
Back than I wasn’t a guy who took a girl home and not have intentions, sexual
intentions. But that night we spoke and I listened something I didn’t do either.”
Me: “Wow!! You were a jerk.”
Hlanga: “I was. You know when I knew I was into you.”
Me: “tell me.” He chuckled
Hlanga: “When you told me you met a boy.” I laughed because I kinda knew. He
was really weird that day "All I saw was red, I even left the base in the middle of
my shift and drove straight home. You and another man is not something I can
handle so don't think there's divorce here." I kissed him, I loved how jealous he
was “I was in denial baby for the longest time. I didn’t see the point of dating you
or courting you knowing exactly that, its you I want to spend the rest of my life
with. Denial is a disease, I suffered from for a while.”
Me: “Had things not happened the way they did, would we be together?” he was
thinking
Hlanga: “I don’t think so.” He was right “Had my parents not suggest that I was
gay I wouldn’t have drove off to let off some steam.”
Me: “Had Snothi not insist on taking me to that party.” I also shook my head no
Hlanga: “Its true. We are one decision away from a totally different life.” I nodded
in agreement because it was 100% true “That’s why I said I don’t regret anything
about my life. Of course there are times where I feel like drowning myself but
that’s life.”
Me: “Kuthafu my babe.” He put his head on my lap
Hlanga: “Please sing for me.” Oh hayike
Me: “Do you have a song request?”
Hlanga: “No, I just want to hear your angelic voice.” I giggled and cleared my
throat
Me: “One look in your eyes and there I see Just what you mean to me Here in my
heart I believe Your love is all I'll ever need Holdin' you close through the night I
need you, yeah
I look in your eyes and there I see What happiness really means The love that we
share makes life so sweet Together we'll always be This pledge of love feels so
right And, ooh, I need you
Here and now I promise to love faithfully (Faithfully) You're all I need Here and
now I vow to be one with thee (You and me), hey Your love is all (I need) I need”
Hlanga: “When I look in your eyes, there I'll see All that a love should really be
And I need you more and more each day Nothin' can take your love away More
than I dare to dream I need you” of course he was going to sing along because
this was his type of song. But my husband couldn’t sing to save his life plus he was
tipsy. But that made me love him more, he was imperfectly perfect to me.
Us: “Here and now I promise to love faithfully (Faithfully) You're all I need Here
and now I vow to be one with thee (You and me), yeah Your love is all I need…”
Hlanga: “Baby that’s our song for the next up pop-up party I am signing us up.” I
laughed and he laughed with me, he was so crazy “I am serious. You and that
Gumede boy cant be having fun without me.” Yes Lakhe and I still did song covers
and made him listen to them and he's been convincing me to perform at one of
Hlanga and Nqobani's parties and I wasn't interested.
Me: “Sign us up wena baby and we will rock lefatse.” We were still laughing at his
craziness.
Hlanga: “Come lets go home.” I packed everything up and I drove us back home
since I didn’t trust his driving. We got home and we slept, it was 3am in the
morning when we got back. We were more connected than ever that night, things
were really improving in our marriage and we had finally grasped the concept of
communication.

»38«
HLELO
Saturdays are my King days, where Sbonga and I get up to no good and no matter
how busy I am I always find a good 3 hours to spare for him, that's why we were
at the mall. My dad had been calming me down since the mall incident, I left the
mall that moment there was nothing for us there. I wasn't even supposed to be in
Durban, bumping to Namhla and Tyson would've been better, I would've even
struck up a conversation if I had to choose. Anyway back to my reason why I was
home, baba called saying there was something wrong with my mother and my
brothers and I took the jet home.
Baba: "Don't worry MaMnguni, I'll take care of this." My trust was on him. There
was no way Melisizwe was getting a sniff of my son.
Me: "Please do because Sbonga doesn't need him, he has us."
Baba: "Of course he doesn't. I'll get Nathan on it. For now deactivate all your
social media accounts so that he won't find you guys that easily."
Me: "You are right, he's an IT person he might just hack me." I didn't waste time I
deactivated all my social media accounts that moment. I was going back to the life
of phone calls for a while. "Now tell me what did you do because she is mad at
you?" My mother wasn't talking to my father guys and he seemed panicked.
Baba: "I was hoping you'll have one of those spa things you usually have and find
out for me. Whatever I did is bad because she sleeps with you now." Ever since
we have been home she's been sleeping with Sbonga and I. I thought it was
because she missed us but no, she's punishing her husband.
Me: "Okay I'll see what I can do but the way things are and the way my bank
account is set up angaz yaz(I don't know)." He laughed and I joined him
Baba: "I thought you were on my side. How much do you want?"
Me: "I need make up and spring is around the corner so a new wardrobe as well
for me and The King of the castle."
Baba: "Hay hay Gugulethu. I sent you money last week."
Me: "Okay. Mamazi sleeps with me anyway." I got up the couch
Baba: "Fine! You know how to bankrupt a person."
Me: "Don't forget to include the money to take mamazi to the spa." And my
notification came. "Qwabe omkhulu!!!" I kissed his dimple
Baba: "Mxm."
Me: "I'll see you guys later ke. Baba please don't give Sbonga too much junk his
energy is too much."
Baba: "You seem to forget I raised 10 kids. I know how to handle Sbonga"
Me: "Baba you went against everything mamazi said don't do." He laughed and I
left him.
Me: "Babes let's go, we taking mamazi out." I was talking to my sister.
Sasa: "Your money right, because I am broke. I am saving up for our trip to
London." I haven't even saved a cent. Nosipho was living there now. She finally
settled down in the UK after travelling for years.
Me: "London is so cold Sasa." I couldn't tell her I wasn't saving.
Sasa: "I am leaving you ke because we planned this months ago and its not like
you don't have coats and boots. Nosipho is counting on us Hlehle." And there she
goes all mamazi on me. My sister was more disciplined than I was and I was older.
Me: "I know." She was done dressing up and we left. Mamazi was at her
restaurant
Sasa: "We came to take you out and spoil you."
Mamazi: "Okay, why? Kusaselihle are you pregnant?" I laughed
Sasa: "Of course not mamazi hawu!"
Mamazi: "Why are you bribing me?" She looked at me "What do want Hlehle, I
dont have money." Sasa and I laughed. She stressed too much.
Me: "Qwabe thought you deserve to relax and to be treated like the Ndlovukazi
that you are."
Mamazi: "Mxm kanti. I am not interested." I was worried now.
Sasa: "Hawu. Since when, you love being pampered." I wasn't the only one I guess
Me: "What did he do that has you so mad. He's also lost. Mamazi you guys are my
favorite couple, stop fighting and talk to him." She sighed
Mamazi: "I can't talk about it guys, its embarrassing. Couples fight, you know this.
He shouldn't have involved you though." We sat down in her office "So what are
you going to do about Melisizwe?" She was changing the subject.
Me: "There's nothing to do."
Sasa: "He needs to stay in his lane and that is far away from The King." My sister
was so protective of Sbonga, more than me sometimes.
Mamazi: "Have you thought of Sbonga in all of this? He'll want to meet his father
one day." What was mother trying to say, was she implying that I am being
unreasonable?
Me: "I am thinking of him. Melisizwe didn't want him or me for that matter and
his exact words were "I suggest you kill that thing and die with it. You and I never
happened Hlelo" so he has no claim here. When Sbonga is old enough I'll tell him
the same thing. I won't lie to my son, he's been through too much already and I
certainly wont expose him to that monster." I was worked and emotional. I
understood him not wanting me because he never loved me but as for his child,
he had to at least try.
Mamazi: "Be careful Hlehle make sure you don't have another Simo situation in
your hands."
Me: "..." I had nothing to say after that because baba was going to make sure that
Melisizwe stays the hell away from us. "So you really not interested in us taking
you out?" She shook her head "Baba paid me a lot of money to make you happy
again and I need to come back with results."
Mamazi: "The relationship you have going on with your father bores me yaz
ngoba you end up involved in our business. Tell him he must come and take me
out not you guys." She might have acted like she didn't like the gesture but she
was smiling this whole time.
Sasa: "So you are fine because in the divorce I was going with him, sorry mamazi."
My mother laughed
Mamazi: "You seem to forget that I cook your food, one day is one Kusaselihle
Gumede!!" She pointed at my sister and we laughed
Me: "We'll see you on weekends hawu."
Mamazi: "Mxm. Lets go home and wena you better refund my husband because
you didn't do a good job."
Me: "Woooh never! I am Indian shop, you paid you paid, no refund!" We all
laughed and we drove home separately.
Mamazi: "Guys we having dinner at 1038." That's Bab' Mnqobi's house "And
mommy needs your help." It was a way to get us out of the house so they could
talk
Sasa: "Okay." We left them "They are going to be fine right?" I think she was
scared
Me: "Of course. You heard mamazi, couples fight and they make up as well."
Sasa: "Okay." And we helped mommy with dinner, she was going all out that day.
=======
Connie: "Thank you so much for agreeing to lunch." Well Constance aka Connie is
one of the girls I used be friends with in my first year. We had to part ways
because she and her crew were always on their worst behavior even on
weekdays. We bumped into each other a while ago and she suggested lunch.
Me: "No problem. So how have you been, how's life?"
Connie: "Life's great can't complain really. Thanks to you hay." What?
Me: "Thanks to me, ngeke chaza(explain)"
Connie: "So I barely passed first year and after you ditched us at the back and
moved to the front with the nerds, I sat down and introspected my life choices. I
didn't like law and I didn't have plans for it so I changed degrees and focused on
things I actually cared about like social work. So I am doing that now and I am
loving it." I didn't even know I inspired someone
Me: "Good for you girl. I am really proud of you but you guys weren't serious
mind you you were repeaters." Like really.
Connie: "I know, it was all of unnecessary things and fun that didn't get us
anywhere." At least she saw she needed to focus. We carried on catching up. It
was really nice actually and I may have liked her company.
Me: "Thank you for suggesting this lunch babes. I enjoyed it, I am off social media
for a while so please call me whenever okay." We hugged
Connie: "We'll do boo. I'll call and make time to see The King, I am sure he's
grown up now."
Me: "You don't understand. He's the man of the house now." We laughed
Connie: "You get me so excited about having kids the way you are handling this
single mother title." She said it like I had a choice
Me: "A girl gotta do what a girl gotta do hay."
Connie: "Well you are doing great." We walked out the mall "My boyfriend is
having a house warming party, you should come."
Me: "Okay text me the details." We Hugged and she got into her cab and I went to
my car and drove home. Connie taught me something that day, the importance of
introspection and how necessary it is to check ourselves. It came back on the path
I was on, the path of self-discovery.
=======
I got to Connie's boyfriend's house and it wasa cute apartment in the fancy
neighborhood of Pretoria and the vibe was chilled. Girls were with their people
and I was there with my champagne glass and I was even trying to flirt with
anybody
Connie: "Are still good?"
Me: "I am great thanks. This a very nice place."
Connie: "I help set everything up." She did a great job, it had a woman's touch to
it "He wants me to move in with him and commute everyday to Joburg."
Me: "Are you going to cope with that?"
Connie: "I am not having problems with the commuting, its the moving in. I don't
know Gugu, I am still a student and he's working and stuff. I'd be basically living
off him."
Me: "If you not ready babe dont put pressure on yourself, living with someone
comes with a lot of changes and its a big decision. Take your time to think things
through."
Connie: "I will."
Voice: "Hlelo is that you?" I turned
Me: "Omg! Young bhuti!" We hugged "I haven't seen you since Brazil" it was
Mpilonhle, Thingo's brother-in-law
Mpilo: "That was many moons ago. What brings you here." He looked at Connie
"Mrs." The hugged
Connie: "Hey buddy, Gugu is my friend."
Me: "Small world."
Mpilo: "It is, I am actually here for my boy. He just went big and bought this
house" oh so he was friends with Connie's man.
Me: "Big ups to him. When are turning up at your crib."
Mpilo: "Woooh khona nizo jaiva(So you'll dance) on top of tables like you did in
Brazil, sorry." We laughed.
Me: "We did a lot of damage there, I am sure they still talk about us. Where's
your woman, uban konje umh Bonang." He chuckled
Mpilo: "Its Bokang. Life iskororo. I am free agent, I've been for a while." We were
drinking at this point
Me: "I feel you about life being a bumpy ride. I am really sorry about Bokang, she
was really fun and she loved my son." He laughed
Mpilo: "I know. I'll catch you around neh."
Me: "Sure." He was really handsome, he wasn't a beast like his brother but yeah!
The party just fine and the champagne was paralyzing me. Then some guy hit on
me, on a normal I would have maybe acted interested but I was done with man,
they came with too much baggage and they left you heartbroken. "Please don't
touch me." He got all touchy and I didn't like it
Guy: "Let's get out of here its noisy so we can have a proper conversation." I
wasn't doing that firstly because I was too drunk to walk and two I didn't even
know his name. "Come I don't bite!" He was getting impatient and I ignored him
and carried on drinking.
Mpilo: "TT leave!" That's his name
TT: "MM ima mfethu the lady was about to leave with me." I was so over this. I
stood up and left and the room was spinning
Connie: "Are you okay?"
Me: "No." I felt really weird "I need to lie down" and that's all I remember about
that night.
=====
Mpilo: "Oh you up." I jumped. He came in topless and in his boxers. I was in a
unfamiliar room and I was in my bra and pantys.
Me: "What happened?" I asked panicked
Mpilo: "Nothing. You passed out and vomited on your clothes and my bed." I was
so embarrassed. He laughed "You turn pink when you embarrassed." Really
Me: "Mxm. That's not funny, there was too much wors going around." He was still
laughing "Please give me something to wear and call me a cab."
Mpilo: "I'll drive you home. You know TT drugged you." I popped my eyes "He's
fucked up." Wow! We can't trust anyone these days
Me: "I guess I owe you." He's the one who told him to leave.
Mpilo: "You do." He threw me his sweat pants and top. I got to see his body
properly. He had abs and was tall "You are staring."
Me: "My bad. I'd like to get dress now."
Mpilo: "I have seen everything." He laughed and left the room. It was weird that I
was so comfortable around him. After getting dressed I went the kitchen and he
was making breakfast for us. We carried on talking and laughing over events at
the party. He was a fun guy and I liked his company. After he breakfast he drove
me home with my clothes full of vomit. This was my lowest moment guys. I had
replaced sex with alcohol and I was overdoing it, it was clear that night. "Thank
you so much for everything Mthethwa."
Mpilo: "It's all good but you owe me."
Me: "I thought you were a gentleman." He laughed
Mpilo: "I'll see you around MaGumede."
Me: "Okay." He drove away. He saved my life guys, there is no telling what
would've happen to had he not been there.
NATHAN
Me: "Guys you know we are family right?" I was talking to the kids.
Sphe: "Yes."
Lethu: "You are our big brother nje bhuti."
Me: "That I am little man. Since I am your big brother don't be afraid to come to
me for anything okay?" I just wanted them to know that they were part of my life
now and I was part of theirs
Sonke: "Okay."
Sphe&Lethu: "Okay."
Sonke: "I want a phone bhuti, my friends at the new school have phones." Wow! I
laughed, Sonke was too forward for her age. She was only 9, she didn't need a
phone.
Lethu: "Me too bhuti." And he always followed what his sister did.
Me: "We'll talk to sis when she gets back." They nodded "Okay then. I love you
okay?"
Them: "We love you too."
Sonke: "This much" she opened her arms wide. They made me smile
Me: "I am glad." And my very beautiful and pregnant wife walked in the living
room. She was still mad at me for withholding sex
Azande: "Are we still going to Durban tomorrow?"
Me: "Yes." We were going to meet up with Sonia actually.
Sphe: "You are leaving us behind?" She was disappointed, they all were.
Azande: "We are going to a meeting, its boring stuff."
Me: "You wont like it." I looked at the angry woman "Can we talk?" We went to
our room "How long are you going to sulk?"
Azande: "Nathan I don't think you understand what I am going through. I am
fucken pregnant and going through a lot of changes. Being horny is part of those
changes." She was crying, I really felt bad
Me: "But baby you don't want us to get married let alone set a date." I hugged her
"I am sorry for not considering what your body is going through." I kissed her with
her tears "Are you horny now, should I take care of you?" She giggled while
nodding "Okay. Give me a date first, Azande I want your last name to be Pierce as
soon as possible then I'll believe that we are actually married." I had this constant
fear that the minute I disclose what I actually do for a living she'll just take
everyone with her and leave me. Azande didn't need me financially or
emotionally for that matter. She was a strong and independent woman and I
admired that about her. But I needed her emotionally and I don't think she
understood how deep I was dependent on her.
Azande: "Baby I am so big and I am always tired. I am in no shape or position to
plan a wedding plus Sanda's wedding is right after I give birth which is 2 and a half
months from now. Can we make it when the baby is six months." She was
pleading with her chubby face.
Me: "Hawu baby that's close to a year."
Azande: "Nathan there's still the Jaden issue. Let's sort that out first." Jaden was
the name of my son by the way
Me: "Okay."
Azande: "Baby I honestly think you should consider joint custody."
Me: "There is no rethinking or considering Azande, I don't want anything to do
with Sonia Brooks." The thought of how bad she did me pissed me off.
Azande: "Nathan it is not about you. Its about your son, Jaden shouldn't suffer
because his mother made bad choices." Whose side was she on kant?
Me: "Baby I thought you were on my side."
Azande: "Baby I am. Nathan don't do what Sonia did. Yes she deprived you of the
first year of your son's life but think of that little boy he's all she has now." Its not
my problem that her marriage ended because of her cheating.
Me: "Azande you are not on my side and I am taking my son. Please come with
me to Durban as my supportive wife because right now you sound like Sonia." I
left the room
Azande: "Nathan we are not done talking!" She shouted
Me: "Yes we are!" I was long gone. There was no rethinking, my mind was made
up.
=====
Me: "Make it fast Lwando I need to be in Durban in an hour." I said checking my
watch. He called saying we couldn't have that conversation over the phone
Lwando: "A task force has been assigned to your crew Nathan and guess who is
the head?"
Me: "Fucken Mxolisi Sibeko." This guy was getting on my last nerve
Lwando: "Yes especially after the beating you gave him, he's more determined
now. I am not in that task force Nathan so this is bad."
Me: "You are his partner and you hold a higher rank than him."
Lwando: "That's the thing I have to handle both our cases now."
Me: "Use those detective skills Lwando and find out what they have on us."
Lwando: "So you know I am your best man right, at the wedding." We laughed
Me: "Of course njayam" we were still laughing
Lwando: "With this double life that I am leading its hard to keep a relationship."
Me: "Do you even want one Lwando?"
Lwando: "Of course I do especially now that you have found the one. I have
always felt guys like us die alone and love is a myth."
Me: "That's not true ntwana. As much we are far from being law abiding citizens
there's someone who's going to accept us as we come."
Lwando: "So boss lady gets it, she's down with this." I brushed my head. I had
been avoiding that topic for the longest time.
Me: "I'll tell her but she loves me so I have hope."
Lwando: "Mxm kant, tell me once everything is out in the open." I was over this
conversation.
Me: "I am leaving. Keep in touch okay."
Lwando: "Sharp." I left. I got home and my sister in law was around together with
the kids
Me: "Sanibonani."
Sanda: "Mr Pierce."
Me: "Where's my wife?"
Azande: "Kitchen." She came with a plate with four slices of pizza and orange
juice. Her tummy was so big but she ate too much so you understood.
Sanda: "Hawu Zande you only dished up for yourself?"
Azande: "I am too tired to stand, go help yourselves guys." Wow. She sat next to
me and I took a slice and ate it. Next thing my wife cried
Me: "Is everything okay, are you pain?" I panicked
Azande: "You ate my pizza baby." Really?
Me: "I am sorry baby. Should I go fetch another slice?" She nodded. I got up and
found everyone helping themselves. I took my plate and I went to the lounge, she
was falling asleep. Pregnancy is something else "We should be leaving for Durban
Azande, I can't have you falling asleep."
Azande: "Baby I am really tired." She cried, I needed this baby to be born so I can
have my bubbly wife back. It was too much for a man but I loved her too much
and it was our baby that she was carrying so I had to suck it up.
Me: "I'll push the flight for two hours, is that okay?"
Azande: "Okay. I love you."
Me: "I love so much more baby." She comfortably slept in arms and I watched
whatever Sonke and Lethu were making me watch. She eventually woke up and
we left. Sonia was leaving with a relative now since her husband left her with
nothing, he even took the other kids they had. I wanted to care and be
concerned, she was the monster, oh my mistake I meant mother of my kid but I
wasn't moved. She wasn't my concern, Jaden Peirce who I was changing his last
name as soon as possible.
Sonia: "Nathan I am really sorry for not telling you sooner. I wasn't sure and
honestly I didn't want to know. My marriage was on the line, I had to protect my
family." How selfish of her
Me: "At my expense Sonia? Look at where you are now?" She had lost everything
over this lie, had she spoken maybe her husband would've forgiven her.
Sonia: "Cheating on my husband was a mistake I know that."
Azande: "We need to look at the future and find a way forward."
Sonia: "Haai this is between Nathan and I." She gave my wife attitude and my wife
was a bit shocked.
Me: "Listen here Sonia. Azande is my wife and you'll respect her, are we clear?"
She nodded "I am taking Jaden, I am open to letting you spend weekends and
some holidays with you."
Sonia: "Nathan I am his mother and he needs me. Jaden is a sickly child and he
needs me. You are not taking my son Nathan!!!"
Me: "My wife is a nurse and a very good one. This is not about Jaden being sick
and you know it."
Sonia: "I'll fight you Nathan I swear."
Me: "With what money Sonia? Your ex husband was rich not you. I also wont be
supporting you, Jaden is the only person I'll be supporting. You better check
yourself before making demands, I might just take weekend visits out of the
equation." She was getting on my last nerve!
Sonia: "So you just going to let him bully me like that?" She looked at Azande
Me: "Dont look at her, you told her this is between you and I right? So what will it
be?"
Sonia: "I'll take my chances in court, they always favour the mother."
Me: "Don't test me Sonia, you'll unleash a bulldog from its cage and it wont be
pretty." I looked straight in her eyes
Sonia: "You don't scare me Nathan. There is no telling what I'll do for the ones I
love. You mighy bully your wife but I am not her." I didn't have the patience to
play Sonia's games. I stood up and went to find my son in one of the rooms. He
was playing with Sonia's aunt I am guessing.
Me: "Does he have a favorite toy?" She handed it to me "Where is his
medication?" She handed a container. I took it and left "Asambe Azande(let's
go)." She took Jaden from me
Sonia: "Nathan please don't do this, he's all I have." She started crying. I wasn't
moved
Me: "I have been fighting my whole life Sonia. So come for me and I'll show who I
really am." We walked to the car
Sonia: "Nathan please!!!" She was wailing and her aunt was hushing her "Jaden!!!
Mommy loves you." She was following us to the car. My son was just confused by
what was happening which caused him to cry as well
Azande: "Let her say her goodbye Nathan." She was also emotional. She gave
Jaden to Sonia
Sonia: "I am really sorry my boy, mommy is going to fix this." She hushed him "Let
me go fetch his car seat."
Me: "Don't worry about it." I didn't want anything that wasn't bought by me.
Sonia didn't understand how much she hurt me, call me unreasonable or selfish
but Jaden was my son and I was going to do everything in power to protect him
from the liar Sonia was. She was disappointed. We got in the car and we left with
my wife sitting with Jaden at the back "Is there something you want to say
Azande?" Her face was saying everything like maybe I was harsh on Sonia.
Azande: "Nathan you didn't handle the situation well. I am not condoning Sonia
for what she did but baby you didn't handle it well." She wiped her tears "Nathan
I am scared that maybe in the future when we face challenges I'll be a Sonia and
you'll take our kids from me."
Me: "Azande, Sonia took almost two years from Jaden and I, that we'll never get
back. Baby I don't think you understand how hurt I am." She didn't get it
Azande: "Baby I am really sorry for that, I am but ngeke this is not the way."
Me: "..." I was done talking about this. I drove us straight to the airport
Azande: "We'll have to buy nappies and everything when we get to Joburg."
Me: "Jaden and I are staying." She looked at me in disbelief "Azande you are not
my partner right now and all I want is to spend time with my son."
Azande: "Hawu Nathan. I am your partner and me being your partner doesn't
necessarily mean I agree with every choice you make."
Me: "I get that and I totally understand but that also means you not supportive of
me and my son. I asked you to tell me if this situation is uncomfortable for you
and you said you are fine but baby you are not and I can't have that right now.
Today is a happy day for me, I got to hold my son for the first time and I'd like to
enjoy this day without you telling me how wrong I am." I parked the car and I
went to open for her. "I'll call someone to take you home when you land."
Azande: "Haibo Nathan!" I took my son
Me: "Board the jet Azande. Call me when you land." I kissed her "I love you."
Azande: "..." she was shocked and I didn't understand "I am not going anywhere
Nathan. I am supportive of you. Baby its clear that I was thinking like a mother
more than what you as my partner are going through." I am glad she was coming
back to her senses
Me: "Baby please don't take this the wrong way, go home I'll see you sometime in
the week. I need this time alone with Jaden."
Azande: "Baby please don't shut me out. Nathan we also have a baby on the way
and its Jaden's sibling."
Me: "I know and I appreciate that. I need this alone time with him. We'll see you
guys tomorrow, how about that?"
Azande: "I don't trust you, I feel like you chasing me away." I was actually. I just
didn't trust that she has my back anymore
Me: "You'll lose airspace if we keep having this back and forth talk." We hugged
and kissed
Azande: "I love you"
Me: "I love you too baby. Take care of my baby girl okay." She laughed
Azande: "It could be a boy you know."
Me: "I want a baby girl Azande."
Azande: "We have 2 months to find out." She shouted as she boarded the jet. I
blew her a kiss and I called one of my boys. So we could go shopping.
Me: "Jaden, I don't know what the future holds for us but you are my boy and I
got your back kid." I kissed his forehead. He was my blood, my family tree was
branching out and I couldn't be happier. Sizwe came and we bought everything at
baby boom, the store assistant even gave me parenting books to buy. After
everything Sizwe and I parted ways and I grove to my grandmother's grave, she
needed to hear about this. "Jaden this my Ouma's tombstone. When I am gone
please check up on me." I laughed because he was falling asleep. "So the family is
growing and I have the most well behaved son, better than me as you'd say I was
a problem child." I chuckled "I plan to raise him the best way I can and I love him.
He wasn't planned but I don't regret it either." I was looking at Jaden now who
looked cute asleep "I love you son." I looked at the tombstone "I thought you
should know that all is well and the Pierce name is branching out." We left and
went home. I spent that night setting up Jaden's room.

»38«
CONTINUED
NQOBANI
Me: "Mimi No!!!! Baby I am here, hold on mama ka Njabulo!!!!" She was dying. I
couldn't afford to lose her. She meant a great deal to me.
Mimi: "I love you Bhungane." She wasn't about to give me her dying speech, I
wasn't having that. I had already lost too much, the ambulance needed to get
there.
Me: "I love you too baby. Hold on, help is coming." The ambulance wasn't fast
enough and my medical skills were enough to keep her stable but not for long.
Mimi: "Baby you made my life so much better. You made me the happiest woman
on earth." She really was giving me her dying speech. "Baby uphi uNjabulo? He
was in his car seat." She tried to move and that caused her to bleed even more. I
couldn't tell her that our son was dead on arrival. That car crash was intense,
Njabulo wasn't going to survive it. Mimi's injuries were extreme as well.
Me: "Stay still Mimi." I looked at Thabo who was a dead man walking, he was was
supposed to watch my family whenever they leave they leave the house. "Where
the fuck is the ambulance??"
Thabo: "Its on its way. Do you need help?"
Mimi: "Nqobani m..yy son." She was losing blood too quickly and was losing
consciousness. "I am sleepy Nqobani." And she slowly closed her eyes and that
wasn't a good sign.
Me: "Dammit Mimi!!! Baby you need to fight Njabulo and I need you, don't close
your eyes!!! Thabo put pressure here." Her pulse was getting weaker by the
second.
Mimi: "Takeee Nja...bulo!!" I think she meant take care of Njabulo. She shut her
eyes straight after. Thabo took over putting pressure over her wound while I
started CPR, it felt like I was in the battle field again. Who could possibly want
Mimi dead? Or who would want to hurt me like this, was me being a spy catching
up with me. Not forgetting that I was part of a gang as well. Basically it could be
anyone.
Thabo: "She is gone Grootboom." I knew that but I couldn't accept it. I kept on
giving her CPR until the paramedics stopped me
Paramedic: "She's gone sir." How could say that, that was my Mimi.
Me: "Where the fuck have you been, what took you so fucken long, huh???" I
started punching him and Thabo held me "My family is gone!!" It finally suck in, all
this time I was handling the situation like a soldier but this wasn't my job. It was
Mimi and Njabulo, my family "Thabo they are both gone!!!" I lost a big part of
myself that day. A part I knew I'll never get back. Suddenly my world was covered
by a dark cloud, how did we get here?
10 hours before...
It was normal day at the Mthimkhulu mansion. I was busy checking my books my
property business was booming and Keith parties were the talk of the town. I
have to say I made a better business man than my being a spy. A text came in
Text...
Palesa: "Happy birthday Clive. I know things aren't great between us and I am too
blame. Sorry for causing trouble that day, I was bitter I admit that. Anyway I am in
town and I'd like to take you out for lunch so I properly apologize and give you
your birthday gift. Enjoy your day😘😘😘" I deleted that message, there was
nothing to talk about and I certainly didn't want a gift from her.
Mimi: "Happy birthday daddy!!! Happy birthday to you." Mimi and Njabulo came
into my study. I had even forgot about it "Sing for baba, baby Njabs."
Njabulo: "Baba" he came to me clapping his hands. He was growing up so much.
Mimi: "Happy birthday daddy." She came and sat on my other lap and we kissed
Me: "Thank you baby." I was smiling this whole time "And to you little soldier." I
was genuinely happy, having them in my arms was everything.
Mimi: "Your son and I are spoiling the crap out of our main man today. Akere
baby Njabs?" He was sucking his thumb now.
Me: "Okay what's the plan, I have never been spoilt before."
Mimi: "I am so glad I am your first. Starting with breakfast by the poolside and we
are spending the day outdoors as a family and lastly dinner with the family at
some fancy lodge that Lwazi organised, how about that?" I knew about the dinner
with the family since I was proposing that night.
Me: "I love it. Is there birthday sex in the itinerary." I said playing with eyebrows.
She laughed
Mimi: "You are handsome do know that?" She kissed me "And I love you but for
today, suspense is on the itinerary, cover your son's eyes." And I did, my woman
dropped her summer gown and she was in the most appetizing and sexy red
lingerie
Me: "Mimi Mthikhulu!!! I am taking Njabulo to Mme Thuso and I I'll deal with
you." She giggled, It was no secret that I was turned on.
Mimi: "No no! SUS-PENSE!" She said taking Njabulo,she was smiling and shaking
her cute ass. She was enjoying torturing me. "Breakfast is set up on the poolside
like I had planned. Woza baba ka Njabulo." I followed them after she put her
gown back on and we had breakfast like the woman of the house had planned
Me: "Mimi thank you for making my birthday something special. Most of my
birthdays I spent cleaning after my dad or taking care of my mother. That's the
image I have of this day." She made it easy for me to open up to her. Just like me,
she wasn't perfect and I think that's why we worked so well.
Mimi: "I am really sorry about your childhood baby, I am but you are with me now
and we have this cute little family and we'll make memories of our own."
Me: "I like that." We carried on eating
Mimi: "Since we are in a celebratory mood, I'd like to thank you a 100 times for
opening doors for me. Baby you saw something in me that I didn't even know was
there and you believed in me more than I deserved especially after the pain I
caused you. The point I am trying to make is I have been approached by several
club owners who liked what I did for your business and want me to do PR for
them." Wow, she has really come far. All she needed was a second chance
Me: "That's great news baby, I am really happy and proud of you." We kissed and
hugged and Njabulo wanted in on the hug
Mimi: "How can I forget the Joy of the house." She sometimes she calls him Joy
which I feel is a girl's name. We grouped hug and we spent most of the morning
swimming and games in the garden with Njabulo. I was disturbed by the call I had
been waiting for, I had to go fetch Mimi's ring from the jeweler.
Me: "Baby I am going out for a while, I have business to take care of."
Mimi: "Okay, I have to go fetch your outfits for tonight and your cake so its cool.
Don't take long today is about you." She was making a big deal about this
Me: "I won't, I promise." We kissed "I love you guys."
Mimi: "We love you too." I left them. And got the ring. My phone rang and it was
the phone I didn't need to ring that day
Me: "Funani Thuba(What do you want)?"
Chance: "Come to the warehouse." He hung and I drove there. Whatever it was I
was hoping it won't take time away from my family. I didn't want to disappoint
Mimi. "Good you are here." Thabo was there and I didn't like that
Me: "If you are here who's with my family?"
Thabo: "She was with you mos Grootboom. My job starts when she leaves the
house and that hasn't happened."
Me: "Check her GPS." And he did
Thabo: "Shit! I am out." He left
Chance: "I need you to handle things while I am gone. Dimpho wants more family
time and she's right I haven't been giving if to her. We have expanded and
operations need more than just Nathan and I so I need you and Hlanga to step up.
He's still handling things with his father but has agreed to over the things in
Durban for a while."
Me: "There's no problem. I got you." He delegated some of his responsibility
"Apparently there's a task force set to take us down."
Chance: "Not when I am still alive." He was going to let that happen. Mimi called
me while we were still talk
Me: "I have to take this. We'll talk on the phone" He nodded and I left the office
"Mme wa Njabulo." She giggled. She didn't take me seriously whenever I spoke
Sotho
Mimi: "Just fetched your matching outfits with Njabs. Omg baby you going to look
so great. Turning 36 in style." I chuckled she was really excited.
Me: "I can't wait motho waka. Let me finish here and I'll see you at home."
Mimi: "Omg!!!! Babby!!!! Aaaaaaaaah." I heard a busted tyre
Me: "Mimi, baby talk to me!!!" I heard screeching sounds and it sounded like
Mimi's car was rolling. "Dammit!!! Chance pull up Mimi's GPS." He did and I drove
straight there. I called Thabo
Thabo: "Grootboom I didn't see it coming!!"
Me: "What the fuck happened?"
Thabo: "I called the ambulance, its bad shit!!" The accident was close to the
house, she was almost home. I got there, cars had stopped and people were
surrounding her. Njabulo was lying arm less on the sidewalk, he looked lifeless my
heart broke. it was messy but it was only Mimi's car that was involved in the
accident. This accident didn't make sense "Grootboom they had spike strips. It
was a hit." But why? He panicked and I understood, my son was dead and my
woman was bleeding, the people he was meant to protect. I took off my shirt and
covered Njabulo's body
Me: "Let me help with that." He used his jersey to try and stop Mimi's bleeding
but it wasn't helping. "Give me your top." He took it off and I replaced the jersey
with the top. She had glass cuts on her face and a broken leg. It was too much
Mimi: "Baby you came. They came out of nowhere. Nqobani I can't feel my legs"
and a broken spine. This really was a hit.
Me: "Sssshhh. Did you see them?" She nodded "Take slow deep breaths and keep
your eyes open okay?" She nodded "Talk to me baby while I stop the bleeding."
She was soon going to lose consciousness with the amount of blood she was
losing and I needed her to keep talking
Thabo: "I am sorry Grootboom."
Me: "Just shut up and help me!!" He was pissing me off "How far is the
ambulance?"
Thabo: "20 minutes out." Mimi didn't have 20 minutes. She was slowly shutting
her eyes.
Me: "Mimi No!!!! Baby I am here, hold on mama ka Njabulo!!!!" She was dying. I
couldn't afford to lose her. She meant a great deal to me.
Mimi: "I love you Bhungane." She wasn't about to give me her dying speech, I
wasn't having that. I had already lost too much, the ambulance needed to get
there.
Me: "I love you too baby. Hold on, help is coming." The ambulance wasn't fast
enough and my medical skills were enough to keep her stable but not for long.
Mimi: "Baby you made my life so much better. You made me the happiest woman
on earth." She really was giving me her dying speech. "Baby uphi uNjabulo? He
was in his car seat." She tried to move and that caused her to bleed even more. I
couldn't tell her that our son was dead on arrival. That car crash was intense,
Njabulo wasn't going to survive it. Mimi's injuries were extreme as well.
Me: "Stay still Mimi." I looked at Thabo who was a dead man walking, he was was
supposed to watch my family whenever they left the house. "Where the fuck is
the ambulance??"
Thabo: "Its on its way. Do you need help?"
Mimi: "Nqobani m..yy son." She was losing blood too quickly and was also losing
consciousness. "I am sleepy Nqobani." And she slowly closed her eyes and that
wasn't a good sign.
Me: "Dammit Mimi!!! Baby you need to fight Njabulo and I need you, don't close
your eyes please mama ka Njabulo not now!!! Thabo put pressure here." Her
pulse was getting weaker by the second.
Mimi: "Takeee Nja...bulo!!" I think she meant take care of Njabulo. She shut her
eyes straight after. Thabo took over putting pressure over her wound while I
started CPR, it felt like I was in the battle field again. Who could possibly want
Mimi dead? Or who would want to hurt me like this, was me being a spy catching
up with me. Not forgetting that I was part of a gang as well. Basically it could be
anyone.
Thabo: "She is gone Grootboom." I knew that but I couldn't accept it. I kept on
giving her CPR until the paramedics stopped me
Paramedic: "She's gone sir." How could say that, that was my Mimi.
Me: "Where the fuck have you been, what took you so long, huh???" I started
punching him and Thabo held me "My family is gone!!" It suck in "Thabo they are
both gone!!!" I lost a big part of myself that day. A part I knew I'll never get back.
Suddenly my world was covered by a dark cloud. They drove both their bodies to
the hospital and they called time of death. I never saw the day ending that way, I
had a ring and Lwazi had planned everything. I regretted not asking her to marry
me sooner. We are all on borrowed time, tomorrow is not promised, I learnt that,
that day.
Dr: "I am really sorry for your loss sir." He had a blank face "I know I am not
helping but it seem as though Miss Selepe was 6 weeks pregnant." WTF!!!!!!
Me: "I wish you hadn't told me. Losing the both of them was enough to deal with,
now I have to constantly think of a baby I never met." Was he kidding me?
Dr: "Again sir, I am really sorry for your loss." I was dead inside, him telling me
about Mimi being pregnant was a nail to my coffin. I left and called my family
then Mimi's
Me: "Thabo you and I will find who did this and leave them for me. They messed
with the wrong guy." I was hungry for blood.
NARRATED
Palesa: "WTF!!! ausi Manini the accident is all over the news. They killed Njabulo
as well." She panicked and she was regretting all of this especially after not
getting a reply from Clive.
Manini: "Ssssh!!! That's not a bad thing than you'll start your own family."
Palesa: "..."
Manini: "Its a good thing it made the news so he'll not be suspicious of how you
knew about this horrific ordeal. Infact go to his house and be his shoulder to cry
on."
Palesa: "Is it going to work?"
Manini: "Of course. Don't push just be supportive and understanding and he'll see
how valuable you are and you'll get back together. Trust me sis I know what I am
doing."
Palesa: "Okay. What should I wear?"
Manini: "Its a sombre occasion so black will do." She picked her black bodycon
dress and a doek and called a cab to Soweto.

»39«
NQOBANI
When you find that one person who connects you to world, you become someone
different, someone better. And when that person is taken from you, what do you
become then? Mimi was that person for me, she made me a father and gave me a
fighting chance to be a better man. 3 people who made life so worth it for me,
were taken away on the day I was born, I don't think I'll ever get over that.
Me: "I have 2 hours to spare Mimi's family is flying from Lesotho and I have to go
meet them."
Hlanga: "We can do this after the funeral Bhungane there's no rush."
Me: "I am going crazy Hlanga just sitting and thinking about that day. I need to
beat up someone because I promised Mimi I am never dealing using alcohol
again. So vengeance is my friend now." It's been 2 days since the accident and I
don't know how I feel. All I could think of is Mimi taking her last breath in my arms
and my son lying armless on the sidewalk and my failure at protecting them.
Nathan: "I get that and we have your back okay?"
Me: "Thank you. Let's get things straight before we get too far, I do the
questioning." I had so much anger in me and I needed to unleash it on someone
Chance: "We work for you Grootboom." We chuckled
Me: "Okay." We sat around the table in the situation room. "Someone was
watching my house for the past 2 weeks. The street camera show this car parked
whenever Mimi was in the house and it left whenever she left the house." I wasn't
paying attention, I should've seen this.
Nathan: "She was being followed?" He looked at Thabo "How did you missed
this?"
Me: "This car watched her at home."
Thabo: "A different one was following her when she went to school according to
her campus footage." I guess he traced her other steps while I started at home.
This was well executed
Hlanga: "This is a professional hit. I mean its a team and look at the cars." It was
BMWs without number plates of course
Sam: "It still begs the question why?" It really did, who'd want to hurt me or Mimi
like this and why?
Hlanga: "Our covers are still secure with the UN so you are safe there."
Nathan: "I tripled checked who's after us and I came back clean besides the police
of course."
Me: "Mimi didn't have enemies, she didn't even have friends ever since she fell
pregnant." All she had time for was Njabulo that's what she always said, that he
was her friend. Being a mother changed her for the better.
Thabo: "The only people who will tell us are these guys." He pointed at the video
and he was right "It was a professional hit and there are only 5 people who are
capable of pulling this job. 2 of them its me." We laughed, he had a big head and
big balls too.
Me: "So who's your competition?"
Thabo: "Let me talk to a contact of mine and I'll find out for you who exactly
pulled this job."
Me: "You do that. I want results Thabo." I pointed at him.
Thabo: "Of course."
Me: "I'll see you around, I have to fetch Mimi's parents from the airport."
Hlanga: "I am coming with you." He was worried about me, you could tell.
Me: "Let's go." We left "Remember the night when we bought drinks for those
girls who later ditched us and left us with a R21420 alcohol bill." We laughed
Hlanga: "You even remember, the amount." We were still laughing "I didn't even
get laid that day after throwing so much money at them."
Me: "I know." We shook our heads at how dodgy those girls acted. Sex is
expected but not forced. We weren't psychopaths. "That's the night I first met
Mimi." She was still a party animal those days.
Hlanga: "I remember you just upped and left me after settling the bill."
Me: "Mimi owned the dance floor that night. She was in the shortest blue dress
and there was just something about my woman's legs man. Not forgetting how
carefree and free-spirited she was and she didn't ask a lot of questions, she was
all about fun." Now that I got the time to reflect, I got the best of both worlds
with Mimi. Mimi the party animal who I enjoyed having around and Mimi aka
mama ka Njabulo who l loved so much. I was made to fall in love with her because
I knew her better than anyone and she understood me better than anyone as
well.
Hlanga: "We've always hated the ones who ask a lot of questions." We were at
the airport now waiting for Mamellos call "I never saw you too falling in love."
Me: "It was a shocker for me as well and its turns out its what I needed. Mimi,
Njabulo and I together." A lump on my throat formed, they left me too soon. "Just
like that, they are both gone Hlanga and I am back to square one. The empty
feeling keeps getting bigger each passing day." The memories all came flashing
back how Njabulo followed his mother wherever she went, I didn't know who I
was without them. The thought of Mimi being pregnant again was even more
paralyzing.
Hlanga: "I don't want to lie and say I know your pain but putting myself in your
shoes, you are doing better than I imagined someone in your position to be doing.
You suffered a great loss Nqobani and feeling empty is expected. We'll get
through this Bhungane and I have your back always. We'll take these scambags
one by one, they'll wish they were never born." I had the same plans in my head,
it was dark thoughts only.
Me: "Thanks." I didn't know how to move on from this, especially sober. It was
too much for me. The call I had been waiting for came and I went to find them
and I drove them to the house. They settled in and I sat them down to have a
grown up conversation "Mme le Ntate Selepe, I loved your daughter very much
and I was planning to ask her to marry me that day." I placed the ring on the
coffee table "We loved each other and I believe she was going to say yes. So
please allow me to bury her and our son this side so they can be close to me." I
didn't like the idea of separating Mimi and Njabulo
Ntate: "We haven't been in Mimi's life for 10 years. You knew her better than us."
I nodded
Mme: "I failed as a mother. Thank you for treating her better than I ever did. If
you want to keep them close to you, you have our blessing."
Me: "Thank you. Don't beat yourself up Mme Mimi had a good heart she was
going to forgive you, she just needed time." I don't think they'll ever forgive
themselves for disowning their daughter and her dying made matters worse
because they never got Mimi' forgiveness.
Ntate: "She left us too soon, le Njabulo." My sisters came in with Thingo and
Palesa and I got pissed off that moment. She was too much and I honestly didn't
need her there. I stood up and went to them so that Mimi's parents don't hear me
kick her out.
Cebo: "Sne make tea for the Selepes."
Me: "Cebolihle what is Palesa doing here? This is a family moment and I know
she's not here to support me because she didn't even care about my son and
somehow she saw Mimi as a threat."
Cebo: "Now is not the time to shut people out bhuti. She came with good
intentions." For some weird reason I didn't trust that she did
Palesa: "Clive I know I'm the last person you want to see at a time like this but I
came here to support you, wherever I can."
Me: "We are fine for now. Thank you." I went to open the door
Palesa: "I am really sorry for your loss Clive and I am here for you." She came and
hugged me and I stood there like a statue
Me: "Bye Palesa." She left us in peace. We planned the funeral and everything
Lwazi: "Do you want to say a few words at the funeral so I can put you on the
program?"
Me: "Yeah sure." I looked at all 3 of them. I was really lucky to have them in my
life "So are you and Tumisang okay?" I needed to not think about the final send
off of my family.
Cebo: "I know you asking about him beating me up and no he hasn't. We are
great actually, I am happy about the choices I have made." At least they were
happy.
Me: "I am happy then. And you?" I looked at Lwazi "Are you okay?"
Lwazi: "Job hunting is something else, its really hard being a woman in a male
dominated industry, they don't take you seriously especially when you don't have
experience like me." She was really having a hard time getting a job as an
architect
Me: "I am sorry to hear that, something will come up, I promise." I had to use my
connections now, she didn't seem happy.
Lwazi: "How are you, I know you not fine bhuti."
Cebo: "You don't have to act strong Nqobani, its just us."
Me: "I am at my lowest right now guys. My whole world came tumbling down and
I feel like I am drowning in pain." Mimi and Njabulo were dead and I couldn't
bring them back and it killed me. Nothing or anyone could bring my family back
not even money. That day I finally understood that its not about the 0's in your
bank account, its about the people in your life who see you through the good and
the bad like family and friends.
Lwazi: "It will get better." I doubted that the whole in my heart was too big to fill.
Cebo: "I am really sorry." They meant well I knew that but I didn't like the pity
look I was getting from them. This is why I hated talking about my feelings
because of the judgement.
Me: "And you little one, are you okay?"
Sne: " Of course not, nothing about this is okay bhuti. I lost a sister and my
nephew in one day." She was really hurt, I didn't realize how much this affected
her.
Me: "You are right its not okay but we'll find a way to move past it, I promise."
She stood up and left us.
Cebo: "She's not okay."
Me: "Let me go check up on her." My sister was sensitive sometimes especially to
bad news, sometimes we didn't even tell her certain things because of how she'll
react. "MaMdluli, talk to me." She was sitting by the pool chairs
Sne: "Bhuti our family was getting bigger. You and ausi Mimi were going to get
married and be happy. You being happy makes me happy and now they are both
gone and I know you are not fine." She was really grown, her understanding of
things was shocking, Sne will forever be my little sister but I needed to accept that
she was growing up.
Me: "We'll be fine little one I promise."
Sne: "In the little time I've known ausi Mimi she's acted like a parent towards me
and I really appreciated her efforts. Her constant check ups, she'll even send me
money and tell me to not tell you." She giggled. I guess she was good at keeping
secrets because I didn't even know. "My point is I am really affected by this
because she had become a significant part of my life, through you."
Me: "She was a good person." It will take a very special kind of human being to
make me get over Mimi, if that day ever comes but I wasn't interested anyway.
Sne: "I am really sorry they are gone. Like you said, we'll get through this. With
Cebo married and Lwazi job hunting everywhere, I have decided to look for
universities/colleges close to home so I can keep an eye on you." I laughed, it was
cute.
Me: "That wont be necessary, I'll be fine. Chase your dreams Sne, I want you to."
Sne: "Bhut you've been taking care of me since I was 8 and I have come this far.
My dream is to make you proud and I can do that anywhere because I know you'll
be proud of me in whatever I do. So I am moving back home." I opened my arms
for a hug. I was deeply touched
Me: "Ngyabonga MaMdluli."
Sne: "I love you big brother." I chuckled
Me: "I love you too." My sister was growing up to be a strong woman. She didn't
need to make all these sacrifices for me but she was determined and I was deeply
touched at how much she loved me. I have always felt sacrifices went one way,
me sacrificing for her but she had other plans I guess.
======
Thingo: "I am really sorry for your loss husband." She was already crying. Come to
think of it, I hadn't shed a tear since this whole thing happened
Me: "Thank you wifey." We hugged
Thingo: "I still can't believe they are gone."
Me: "Me too, I feel like someone is going to pour water on my face and say wake
up it was just a horrific dream." But no its wasn't a dream.
Hlanga: "The pastor is here."
Me: "Okay. Let's do this." We went to the church. And there she was again, with
her sister this time. "Hlanga please deal with her, I can't, not today." Was I wrong
to not want Palesa at my son and woman's funeral?
Hlanga: "Okay I'll deal with her." Thingo and I went to sit in front and the service
started and Hlanga joined us. Her sister said a few words together with her
classmates and Keith as well. They worked well together so I am guessing a bond
was formed. Sne spoke as Njabulo's aunt and she spoke really well. My time
finally came.
Me: "Death is final and it ends there. Mimi and Njabulo were the best of me. I am
at a great loss but I have to find a way and move on because this is part of life. I
have never been good with words, I have always been a man of action and effort.
Mimi gave me her best days, I'd like to believe that and she made sure that our
son and I were happy and well taken care of. She had her faults, she was far from
being perfect and that's the part I loved most about about her, her imperfections.
She was selfless and kind, she was the best part of my day and she left a mark in
my heart." I took a sip of the water that was available for me "Njabulo ka baba." I
chuckled looking at his photo and his tiny coffin. He was only a year and a few
months old and just like that he was gone. "He was the Joy of the house like his
mother would say. He was mommy little soldier and I loved him very much." That
lump again, I took another sip "They both made waking up every day worth it and
I'll forever remember the blessing they were in my life. They may be gone but
their presence will forever be remembered." I placed the mic on the table, I went
to take my seat and the pastor took over. We later went to bury them at a near by
cemetery. "They are really gone." I said in a low tone. As we drove back to the
house and their graves were covered with tons and tons of sand, I couldn't think
of anything that could maybe even try at healing me from the pain I was feeling. I
went to find Thabo who was busy stuffing himself with food
Sne: "Bhuti here's your food." She had a full plate
Me: "I am fine Sne."
Sne: "You haven't been eating and that's not good, take 5 spoons please
Bhungane." She was pleading
Me: "Okay." I took the plate and I started eating and she left. "So what do you
have for me?"
Thabo: "I have someone who was hired on a job but he turned it down."
Me: "Do you think he might lead us to who wanted to hire him."
Thabo: "Yeah. He's waiting for you at the warehouse."
Me: "Okay let me finish here I'll meet you there." I finished my plate and went to
find Sne so I can ease her worry. She reminded me of our mother hay. "MaMdluli
I finished my food."
Sne: "Who's a good boy." she was patting my shoulder. We laughed
Me: "I am older than wena!"
Sne: "Mxm."
Me: "I'll see you later I have somewhere to be." Her face changed to worry "I'll
come back I promise."
Sne: "Okay, be careful."
Me: "I will." I went to find Hlanga and we left. Nathan and Chance were already at
the warehouse "Where is he?"
Nathan: "Clubhouse." Yeah we had an entertainment area thing at the warehouse
Me: "Nqobani is the name, what do you now about the hit that happened last
Friday?" We shook hands
Guy: "Jabu is the name. I got a call from a woman claiming to have a job for me."
We nodded "I didn't know her and I have trust issues with people I had never
worked with before so I turned her down."
Me: "Do you still have the number?"
Jabu: "Unfortunately not." He was useless to me.
Me: "Okay, you can go." I was defeated
Hlanga: "Wait!" He showed him the video from the security cameras. "Do you
perhaps know these faces?"
Jabu: "Shit!!"
Chance: "Ekse talk!"
Jabu: "I used to be part of that team before I went solo. I know all of them."
Nathan: "Tell us everything you know about them, even their clients."
Me: "And name your price."
Jabu: "I have an even better offer, I want a home, protection just like T-bose."
Chance: "I don't trust you. Why did you leave your old team?"
Jabu: "They didn't have a code. They just weren't wherever there was money and
I cant have that."
Nathan: "What's your code?"
Jabu: "I don't kill kids or women regardless of whatever crime. I just don't, its not
something I can live with."
Hlanga: "Consider this your audition then. Prove to us that you are valuable."
Jabu: "Okay give me 2 days and I'll give you what you want." We shook hands and
Thabo walked him out
Me: "He better deliver."
Nathan: "Umzwile(you heard him) Grootboom, he needs a home."
Me: "What do we know about him besides the fact that he's a hit man?"
Chance: "Let me call Ndu to find out who we dealing with." He called him.
Hlanga: "So what plan do you have for whoever hired them?"
Me: "He said a woman called him." All of this didn't make sense, why me? Why
my family? And who was this woman?
Nathan: "Which woman do you know who will go to such extremes?" Good
question
Me: "We are soon to find out." I was so eager. The torture I was planning was
intense, they were going to beg me to kill them.
NARRATED
Palesa wasn't coping with what she did but the thought of the love she had for
Clive and the possible future they were about to have outweighed her guilt.
Manini: "We did well by going to the funeral. He saw that you were there just to
support him on his worst day."
Palesa: "Ausi Manini Hlanga chased us away. He didn't want me there. What if
this was a bad idea."
Manini: "You did well by standing your ground, that's what a woman does." She
looked at her sister "It's too late to have a conscious Pali. I spent a lot of money
on this you better appreciate." She was getting pissed at how weak her sister was
Palesa: "I know and thank you. It's just that I had other expectations. Like he'd
come running to my arms." She sighed "From his speech he sounded like he really
loved Mimi. More than me."
Manini: "Hayi Pali mood ja hao is so depressing. Clive will be yours give him time
to grieve. Mimi is not coming back and don't compare yourself to her. Wena o
Palesa Moloi, you are gorgeous ausi waka and Clive is going to see the queen that
you are and treat you like one. Forget the past focus on what's ahead ausi waka."
Palesa: "Okay. You know you've always believed in me. Thank you ausi Manini, I'll
remember you once I have moved in, in that huge mansion maybe I'll get to drive
a Range Rover lena." She laughed
Manini: "Na na baby sis. Re Moloi divas and Benz is our thing." They laughed and
high fived.
Palesa: "Watseba(you know)!!!" She stood up from the couch "Let me check up
on my man. Pour us some champagne."
Manini: "I am meeting with Paul later so I need to limit myself." Paul was her
married boyfriend "Call your person sis." She took her phone and called Clive and
it rang unanswered
Me: "He just needs time." She tried to convince herself. She couldn't imagine life
without Clive. To her she was the love of her life and she had to fight for him.

»39«
CONTINUED
AZANDE
Nathan is something else, I don't even have a word to describe him. So after the
day he chased me away and promised to see me the next day, well he did that
through the screen. Yes he video called me and he claimed that he's just
familiarizing himself with fatherhood. I was so hurt, part of me really felt that it
was because of the opinion I shared, of which I wasn't wrong.
Me: "I'll drop you off at the house and I'll see you later okay?" We were parked at
the Gumede house. She was spending the day with Thando and Sasa.
Sphe: "Okay. Are you okay, you don't seem fine?"
Me: "Pregnancy is hard Sphe, I don't feel like myself. I just want to give birth now
and get my old life back." I started crying. I suddenly felt I was all alone in this.
Sphe: "I am sorry sisi, we almost there. Should I call bhuti?" I wanted her to, I
missed him and I was scared that maybe he was rethinking marrying me.
Me: "I am fine, he's busy."
Sphe: "I am calling him, sisi you are not fine and it might hurt the baby." She took
her phone and called him
Sasa: "Sis Zande you here." I didn't even see her. I fixed myself
Me: "Hey baby girl." She looked so much like her mother
Sasa: "Aren't you coming in. My parents are inside."
Me: "Okay let me go greet them." I got out the car and we went in the house.
Sphe: "He'll come later, he's at a funeral." Haibo, where's Jaden in that case?
Me: "Okay." I really missed him so much, Nathan was really behaving like a child.
Qophelo: "MaJele." I got the shock of my life. He was holding Jaden, wow! I am
sure they thought I was some unreasonable person who didn't accept Nathan's
son.
Me: "Ninjani baba(How are you doing)? Hawu ifike nini lomuntu(When did he get
here)?" I had to act cool and like I knew what was happening. I tried to take him
and he refused. I was hurt a little.
Qophelo: "We came with him last night."
Me: "Oh yes the funeral." He nodded, I was a good actress, give me 10/10 please.
Qophelo: "Are you and Nathan okay?" I am guessing I wasn't as good as I thought
I was and he had a concerned face.
Me: "I honestly don't know. Nathan has shut me out completely. Ever since I told
him that he didn't handle the situation with Sonia properly he's been distant." I
really didn't want to tell him that I didn't know how to handle Nathan, I didn't
want him to think I was too weak for him. The tears did as they pleased
Qophelo: "Come let's go sit down." I followed him to the lounge and his wife was
snoring on the couch "Zusakhe we have a visitor."
Ntandokazi: "Mmm hayi Qwabe leave me alone." I giggled
Me: " She must be tired."
Ntandokazi: "I really am. MaJele, I wasn't expecting you here."
Me: "I came to drop off Sphe, Sasa asked me to bring her."
Ntandokazi: "Okay. You look really good for someone who's about to pop."
Me: "I am so tired and heavy, angifuni lutho(I don't want to anymore)." She sat
properly on the couch
Qophelo: "Nathan is shutting her out."
Ntandokazi: "Oh hayi iFirst born." She took Jaden from her husband "Come we'll
talk on our drive to the spa."
Me: "I need it!" She laughed "Let me help you with him." I took him and he
agreed this time. He had Nathan's eyes and lips. He was really his son.
Ntandokazi: "Everything is packed lets go. Lisa is opening a spa here in joburg so
she invited us to come see it before she officially opens it, I like free things so I
said yes." We got in her car and we left.
Me: "I came at the right time I guess."
Ntandokazi: "You did. So tell me what happened, Nathan didn't say anything
either. I didn't even know Jaden existed until he came with him to the house a
week ago." I narrated my version of the story to her.
Me: "I didn't like what happened that day and I was really scared. Scared of the
man Nathan might be." She sighed
Ntandokazi: "Nathan was betrayed Azande, so he's not thinking straight. You
don't reason with an irrational man babe, you wait until they have calm down and
this situation is not easy, it will take a while." Maybe she had a point "The other
thing Azande you need to know your partner. Nathan has been on his own for so
long. Yes we are his family and we love him but we are not his blood and it comes
back sometimes. And also the fact that he had a son that he almost didn't know
about, that scared him. I see it in the way he's doing all he can to make sure he's
well taken care of, he's so determined to make up for lost time."
Me: "Maybe I failed to see how deeply he was affected about this as his partner
and I automatically put myself in Sonia's shoes and I also thought like a mother."
Ntandokazi: "Which wasn't wrong, don't apologize for your feelings but you also
failed at being his partner. Sonia made her messy bed the minute she cheated on
her husband to the point of making a baby, and these are the consequences."
Why was she making sense "You did the right thing by voicing out your opinion
and don't move from it but support your man. And keep fighting for Jaden to have
a relationship with his mother because its about him not Sonia. Sonia wasn't
thinking about him when she lied about his paternity."
Me: "She really wasn't and you have a point when you say that Sonia made her
bed." I sighed "I guess I was really emotional that day because Nathan did try to
reason with her and offered weekend visitation and holidays as well." I really did
act poorly that day
Ntandokazi: "Make sure that happens ke sisi for Jaden. Push him to do the right
thing but don't fight him because he'll just be defensive and end up shutting you
out like now. Nathan was raised by uQophelo, I know exactly what you dealing
with" it was clear because she opened my eyes. We got to the spa and I was met
by the other gogos. These women were goals man.
Lisa: "Jay Jay!" She took him "he's falling asleep shem bantu. He's so cute."
Me: "He really is. I can't wait for his sibling. My baby has to have daddy's eyes
ngeke." We laughed. I felt better, I must say talking really does help.
Mbali: "You are an occupational nurse right?" I nodded "Next weekend we have
an awareness event commemorating woman's month please come."
Me: "I'll definitely come."
Mbali: "Great."
Lisa: "Thank you for coming ladies. Whatever you feel like doing feel free and
after your treatment please give me your honest opinion about the service,
basically your entire experience. I don't want my brand to be mediocre nje." We
giggled and we were escorted to the changing rooms. Jaden was Lisa's problem
now, I was getting a very much needed massage. And it was great, the ladies were
fun
Me: "Alcohol free wine is a waste of money."
Ntandokazi: "Its grape juice nje mxm!" She was drinking it with me
Sthembi: "I get why Zande is not drinking, what's your excuse?"
Ntandokazi: "I am on antibiotics plus I am supporting Azande, she's not in this
alone." We laughed
Me: "Its good to know." These ladies weren't just Stepford wives, they were busy.
They were busy planning the event that Mbali invited me to and it really sounded
interesting.
Ntandokazi: "Excuse." She left us running.
Me: "I'll go check up on her." I found her vomiting in the bathroom "Is everything
okay?"
Ntandokazi: "Mmm." She sat on the floor.
Me: "You don't seem fine. What's wrong?" She laughed while tears streamed
down her face. She stood up and went to fetch her handbag from the locker. I
was even more interested, she came back with a brown paper bag and threw its
content on the floor. It was five home pregnancy tests and they were all positive.
Ntandokazi: "I am two months pregnant." She laughed "And the doctor is not
hopeful that I'll carry to term due to my womb being hostile and my age of
course." She sat down again. I didn't know if I should be happy for her or be
depressed like she was, she wasn't smiling
Me: "Doctors don't know everything. They could be wrong."
Ntandokazi: "I haven't told anyone, I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Please don't say a word."
Me: "These are good news and you need people to be hopeful with you."
Ntandokazi: "Qophelo cant know about this Azande, it will kill him." She wiped
her tears "I've miscarried before and he didn't handle it well. Plus he's not young
anymore, he doesn't need the stress." In all of this she wasn't even thinking about
herself. This would've been too much for anyone
Me: "How about we get a second opinion. And hear if the results are the same."
Ntandokazi: "..."
Me: "My gynae is very good. We'll go without telling anyone. It will be just me and
you."
Ntandokazi: "I don't think I can handle it." She looked at me "I am scared,
sometimes I am even scared to pee or move because I feel like one movement I'll
lose the baby." She really wasn't handling this well.
Me: "You are not alone, I am here with you. We'll get through this." She woke up
the nurse in me. Patient care was my specialty "Don't over think things, just take
everyday as it comes. Just 24 hours." He nodded convincingly
Ntandokazi: "You really think I should get a second opinion?"
Me: "It's worth a try."
Ntandokazi: "Okay. Please not a word to anyone. This is so embarrassing I am
fucken 44 years old and my husband is 61 years old. We are too old for sleepless
night and nappy changing." We laughed "I didn't think that in my 20 year
anniversary I'll be giving birth hopefully." Ncooh, it was so amazing.
Me: "This is a blessing mamazi. I find it cute and amazing that after so long the
love is still there."
Ntandokazi: "Thank you for saying that. Book the appointment for me and well
go. Please your pillow talk with Nathan must not be about me." I laughed. All of a
sudden I missed our pillow talks. This was the time I had to just submit myself to
him, no matter how wrong I found his actions to be. Ntandokazi was right me
fighting him wasn't helping him or Jaden. This was about the two of them not
Sonia.
Me: "I promise. Let's go back." We joined the ladies to an early dinner and we
voiced out our opinions while Lisa jotted down everything and we later left.
Nathan's car was parked outside, which means he was back. I found them having
dinner courtesy of Hlelo and I waited and for them. "Baba wezi ngane zam." He
smiled, I really missed him. That night, I didn't want to fight him. I just wanted to
be in his arms
Nathan: "Mama ka girl." He really wanted us to have a baby girl "I was going to
come back today, so we could talk."
Me: "Okay. Baby I love you and I support please don't doubt that."
Nathan: "I know, I wasn't fair on you. Its just that, that day you didn't feel like my
partner and somehow you made it sound like I am unreasonable. I am still open
to Sonia having a relationship with Jaden but he stays with me."
Me: "That's good, Jaden needs his mother." We kissed "Let's go home. I missed
you so much."
Nathan: "I missed you too. I love you Natasha never doubt that, okay even when
we don't see eye to eye."
Me: "I know and I love you too."
Sphe: "I am sleeping over."
Me: "Hawu! Just like that?"
Sphe: "There's no one at home sisi." Lethu and Sonke were at some school camp
and they were coming back the next day
Nathan: "Okay tell one of the boys to bring sisi's car okay?"
Sphe: "Okay." She jumped and went upstairs
Hlelo: "Sis Zande kant ugirl ufika nini(when are you giving birth)?" I laughed
Me: "Please stop with this girl thing because you'll be disappointed."
Hlelo: "There's too many males in this family, we need a girl ngeke." We laughed
Nathan: "Don't worry I got you." They high fived
Me: "Mxm! Let's go baby. Bye Hlelo"
Hlelo: "Bye guys." Wd hugged everyone and we left.
Me: "How was son and father bonding?"
Nathan: "Amazing, I am learning a lot. The doctor is also happy with his recovery
so I am guessing I haven't been failing and the books are helping." I laughed so
much, he really was determined. It was cute
Me: "You really love him."
Nathan: "He's my son Azande and there's nothing I wouldn't do for him or you
guys. I will even get fake boobs to breastfeed him and our baby." I laughed he was
daddy of the year.
Me: "That's good to know. So how will visitation work?"
Nathan: "You and Sonia will have to talk about that because I have nothing to say
to her." He said with a straight face
Me: "Okay, I'll handle it." We got home and we all slept in one bed with Nathan in
the middle. Apparently I didn't behave in my sleep according to Nathan, I took
most of the bed.
Nathan: "Jaden is cramping my style, I really missed you." We needed to buy
Jaden a bed.
Me: "Can we afford to buy two of everything since we have to start decorating
the baby's room as well?"
Nathan: "Whatever you want baby, just say the word."
Me: "Okay. Let's deal with Jaden first." He kissed me in the dark and I was also
getting ideas
Nathan: "I am horny Azande. He's sleeping let's go to the guest bedroom." I was in
on this idea. After placing pillows around so he doesn't fall we went and the guest
bedroom and he didn't show me any mercy
======
The family was spending the weekend in Durban since it was the woman's event
that Mbali invited me to plus Jaden was spending the weekend with his mother. I
didn't want to waste time, I reached out the following day and we spoke like
human beings
Sonia: "Thank you so much for bringing him."
Me: "It's okay. I guess we'll see him Sunday afternoon. His birthday is coming up
we should brainstorm birthday ideas but you take the lead." I didn't want to seem
like I was jumping the gun.
Sonia: "Okay but I don't think I'll have enough money to throw him a big one."
Shame man, she was going through a lot. I felt her pain but she got herself into
this mess
Me: "We still brainstorming for now, we'll get to the budget later."
Sonia: "Okay, thanks again Azande." I nodded
Me: "Okay. Bye now." I left and drove home. Like Nathan wasn't interested in
Sonia guys, I was their middle man basically.
Me: "Guys I have an event tomorrow so find something to do."
Nathan: "I'll take them to Joburg with me and you'll follow us."
Me: "We leave on Sunday Nathan."
Nathan: "I know but I really need to be there."
Me: "Okay I guess." We spent the night and the following day I went to the event
Mbali: "Thank you so much for coming."
Me: "Its my pleasure."
Lisa: "We won't stay long we came to show support." It was Mbali's event.
Everything was about woman empowerment and what it to be a woman. I really
learnt a lot. The rest of the ladies left and it was just Sthembi and Mbali.
Me: "This was really something I needed. Especially we the new hat that I am
about to wear, the mother hat."
Mbali: "I am glad you feel like that."
Sthembi: "How about we fly to Jozi, I miss the kids."
Me: "I guess I'll catch a ride with you because I am supposed to join Nathan
there."
Sthembi: "Of course." I texted him and he gave me his okay. We flew by a
different jet, not Nathan's. How much money do this people have. And to them
this was normal, they didn't even flinch. We landed and Nathan was waiting for
us.
Nathan: "You look good, as always." We kissed. He always complements me even
in my rags
Me: "Thank you baby." He drove us home and cars were parked outside. "I am
guessing we had visitors." He helped me out the car and went inside
Voices: "SURPRISE!!!" I peed on myself. There was a big banner written Zande
and First born's baby shower
Me: "I am getting a baby shower?" I really wasn't expecting it. Mbali and Sthembi
were in on it. "Thank you." I hugged my husband "I peed myself." He looked down
and he tried to contain his laugh.
Ntandokazi: "Here's your outfit and we'll be waiting for you by the garden" I
nodded and Nathan and I went to the room and I cried. I was so embarrassed. He
hugged and kissed my forehead.
Nathan: "Let's take a quick shower."
Me: "Okay. Please tell me that this happens to every pregnant woman."
Nathan: "I don't know baby but what I know is you are the only pregnant woman I
love" he kissed me "And I am married to." I giggled while he whispered in my ear
"And the mother of all my children." We kissed so passionately as the water hit
our bodies.
Me: "I love you too baby. Come I have a baby shower to go to." He laughed
Nathan: "You like things Azande." We got out the shower and we quickly got
dressed, I was in a flowly skirt and a crop top, exposing my belly and I went to my
baby shower which I loved so much. Ndalo was our photographer and Lakhe the
dj and the games we played made me want to meet my baby already. I was really
happy that day. My family was also there guys. My dad and his wife who was
warming up to me and my aunts. I felt loved and appreciated until this
Nathan: "Baby I have to leave you. I won't be long there's a work crisis."
Me: "Nathan its our baby shower."
Nathan: "I know baby and I was here most of it. I played the games and we took
lots of pictures. What else is left for me to do?" There was nothing actually, I was
just being needy
Me: "Okay. Hambeke please come back."
Nathan: "I will. I love you"
Me: "I love you too." He kissed my exposed tummy that Sasa and Sphe drew
minnie mouse face and kissed me
Nathan: "I really can't wait for her."
Me: "Me too." I was a month from giving birth. He left and the party went on
"Your appointment is Monday and I start my leave on Monday so I am free." I was
talking to the other pregnant woman who was secretly stuffing herself with
amagwinya, how were they part of the menu, I also dont know.
Ntandokazi: "Okay. Thank you for doing this, I really appreciate it."
Me: "Okay." I was waiting for the results so I can push her to tell her husband,
these were good news and he needed to know.

»40«
HLANGA
Mimi and Njabulo dying came as a total shock to all of us, more especially on how
they died. Who would put a hit on them and why is still the question on
everyone's mind. But at the moment my wife needed me more.
Me: "Baby you are not fine, I'll take you to the doctor for antibiotics."
Thingo: "I am fine Hlangalezwe. It's just bile." She rinsed her mouth
Me: "Are you sure? I can't lose you Thingo." She kissed me
Thingo: "Taste my vomit." She laughed "Mimi and Njabulo scared all of us Hlanga,
I am even scared to drive now tjooh."
Me: "Come here." I opened my arms for a hug and stayed in that position for
while "The thought of losing you baby is unbearable. I can only imagine how
Nqobani is feeling. He's was planning to propose that day, he had the ring and
everything." My boy was finally catching a break at happiness and something this
fucked happens.
Thingo: "Tjoooh Hlanga! Life is so unfair yaz. Baby he needs you now more than
ever right now."
Me: "I know but he's not talking. I am really worried about him."
Thingo: "You out of all people understand and know how hard it is to open up.
Give him time and he will." She had a point
Me: "Okay. I love you Thingo lwam." She giggled
Thingo: "I love you this much Nyambose wam." She opened her arms wide. I
kissed her chubby chicks.
Me: "I am not complaining, I love you thick and curvy mamasekhaya." She
checked herself out
Thingo: "I am gaining weight ne?" I nodded "My jeans have been complaining.
With all that has been going on plus school, I haven't had time for gym nor have I
been watching my diet." She sighed "With December just few months away I need
to do something."
Me: "Don't you dare Siphosethu!" She laughed and got into the shower. I joined
her "I am actually getting ideas."
Thingo: "Get those ideas out of your head Mr Mthethwa I have class in an hour."
She pushed me aside and left me in the shower. After the shower I got the call I
had been waiting for. I got dressed
Me: "Are we starving today, where's my breakfast?"
Thingo: "There's something wrong with the fridge baby, it has some weird smell.
So I don't think we should be eating anything from it." That didn't make sense. I
went to check it out
Me: "Are you sure you not trying kill me from hunger? Everything seems fine to
me."
Thingo: "Just order McDonald's breakfast, I really don't trust anything in it."
Me: "I am actually in a rush, I'll check it out later." I was about to kiss her goodbye
when her phone rang and she answered it.
Thingo: "That was the estate security, ma and baba are on their way."
Me: "What? Why?" She shrugged her shoulders
Thingo: "I need to change my outfit." She was in jeans and a sweater, she went
upstairs and I waited for their knock and they did.
Me: "Is everything okay? Why are you here?" I was really worried, they didn't tell
me plus weird shit was happening all around suddenly.
Ma: "We are fine. We came to check up on Nqobani. He's family phela." That was
really sweet of them. I looked at my dad
Me: "Are you okay, you drove all the way here?" He hadn't fully recovered
Baba: "Your mother drove."
Me: "Amen!"
Baba: "They should poison me more often." He laughed
Ma: "Mxm. Kahle Themba." My parents were still so into each other and I couldn't
be happier.
Thingo: "Bazali bam." She sang, my woman though. My dad just laughed.
Ma: "Someone is in a good mood."
Thingo: "I am just happy to see you. I am afraid I can't stay, I have class."
Baba: "Let's not keep you. We are expecting great things makoti."
Thingo: "Of course baba." She took her things and looked at me
Ma: "Go kiss your husband, don't let us stop you." We laughed
Me: "Come get yours mamasekhaya." She quickly kissed me
Thingo: "Kodwa ma." She laughed as she walked out.
Me: "Let's drive you to him." I had already texted him that my parents were in
town for him. We drove to Soweto. He moved back there after the funeral, he
said he didn't want anything to remind him of them. My parents consoled and
gave him advice were they could and my boy seemed to receive it really well.
Baba: "I am just a phone call away remember that."
Nqobani: "I know, ngyabonga bazali."
Ma: "You are not alone in this. I'll keep you in my prayers." She hugged him
Nqobani: "Thank you ma."
Ma: "Okay."
Me: "Nqobani and I need to go somewhere, are you going to be okay driving
yourself back to the house?"
Ma: "All my kids are in Gauteng, we going to see your brother now."
Me: "Okay. I'll see you guys later."
Baba: "Okay." We got into Nqobani's car
Nqobani: "I am starting to doubt Jabu Hlanga. It's been a week."
Me: "I know, let's just hear what Thabo has to say and maybe we'll try something
else after."
Nqobani: "I have to find who did this Hlanga, its the only think that still gets me to
wake up in the morning, that's if I even sleep. My family's killer is out there and I
am not at peace!"
Me: "We'll get her, I promise." We got to the warehouse and Ndu was in town
Nqobani: "Ndumiso." They shook hands
Ndu: "I am sorry njayam. Qina."
Nqobani: "Sure. Please tell me Jabu is legit."
Me: "What did you find?"
Nathan: "Don't start the party without me. Thabo what do you have?"
Ndu: "It's either this guy is good or he doesn't exist. Jabu is clean, the guy doesn't
even have a Facebook account. There is no digital footprint nje."
Chance: "Now I am really worried and worry doesn't look good on me."
Thabo: "Jabu reached out an hour ago, he says he wants to meet."
Me: "Set it up. I have a lot of questions." We waited and a few hours later he
came
Nathan: "Who are you and why do I feel like you are something you are not."
Jabu: "Regarding? Firstly the time frame I apologize. You said this was an audition
and I wanted the judges to like me." We chuckled "I have one of the members in
my boot. Do as you please."
Nqobani: "I might just like you. Bring him in." He said folding his sleeves. It was
about to go down. I could tell by his facial expression. "T-bose fetch my to-go bag
in the boot under the spare wheel."
Thabo: "Sure." He left and Jabu bought in the guy. He was drugged.
Jabu: "This is KB."
Nqobani: "How long long will he be out?"
Jabu: "Couple of minute." He injected him with something, I am guessing it was
adrenalin with the way he jumped. I went closer. Thabo came back with the bag
Nathan: "Tie him to a chair."
Nqobani: "No leave it. Him and I are going to talk like men and I want him to try
his luck and see where it gets him." He took out a knife bag, I knew that bag very
well. It was his torture kit. Next he took out his medical supplies. What did
Nqobani have in mind?
KB: "What is this about JB mfethu, I thought we were boys."
Me: "He's with us now. The hit 2 weeks ago, who hired you?" Nqobani stabbed his
abdomen
Chance: "Nqobani he's going to bleed out."
Nqobani: "No he won't. KB I am a doctor I know were the viable organs are, I
stabbed you just below the liver so you don't bleed out like my friend said. Now
I'll ask once and I expect you to talk." He stabbed him in the same place again
slowly, he screamed. That day I knew not to mess with Nqobani. I understand
though, it was motho waka they took from him and Njabulo ka baba. What would
you have done if they took the people you love?
Me: "Clive hold the torture a bit." He put on his medical gloves on and started
stitching him up.
Nqobani: "Now talk! Who hired you?" The guy was in a lot of pain, he even had
tears.
KB: "Paul's woman." He made a face while he was being stitched, mind you he
wasn't even anesthetized.
Nathan: "Who the fuck is Paul?" He kicked him hard, he screamed again.
KB: "Paul is some politician who usually hires us to take out his competition."
Chance: "The name of his woman. Fucken talk man!!!"
KB: "Fuck!" He was in a lot of pain Clive didn't play with him "Its Paul's woman,
her is aaahh!" He was thinking very hard hay. Next thing Clive stabbed his thigh
and left the knife there and he screamed so loud.
Nqobani: "Maybe this will motivate you to remember."
KB: "Manini, yes her name is Manini Baloyi I think."
Nqobani: "WTF!!!!!!! It cant be." He stood up
Me: "Ubani(who is) uManini Nqobani?"
Chance: "Who the fuck is Manini Nqobani and what did you do to piss her off like
this?"
Nqobani: "No no! Tell me how the call went down." He still didn't believe it.
KB: "She called saying she has a job for me. Someone messed with her family and
needs to be wiped out. Her name is Mimi Selepe lives in Sandton."
Me: "So just like that, you killed a woman and a child?" I pressed on his wound.
He cried, a grown ass man cried
KB: "It was a job, she paid really well."
Nqobani: "What else did she say?"
KB: "That was it, I don't ask a lot of questions. You hire me, I do the job and I get
paid and life goes on."
Me: "Well your life is about to end." I started punching him and Chance, Nathan
kicked him while Nqobani took out his frustrations with the knife.
Nqobani: "Hold it guys. He can't die just yet. He took out a syringe and drips, he
was prepared for this. "I am keeping you alive you son of a bitch. Death is too
easy." He stood up "Let's take him to the chop shop" that's were we actually
torture people but that day was different. We placed him on the table. "Rest I am
not done with you." He looked at Thabo "Administer these dosages to him every
30 minutes and clean his wounds." He said taking off the medical gloves.
Nathan: "Grootboom, who's Manini?"
Nqobani: "Palesa's older sister."
Me: "What the fuck!! Palesa took a hit out on Mimi?" Bitches be crazy.
Chance: "Why? I thought you were over?"
Nqobani: "We were. She'll explain to me."
Me: "So her coming to the funeral and during the week, was for what?" Clive
laughed
Nqobani: "I didn't see this coming, I honesty didn't."
Nathan: "Should we fetch her for you?"
Nqobani: "No leave her and that sister of hers to me. Palesa will know the real
me."
Me: "Are you okay?"
Nqobani: "Palesa took away everything from Hlangalezwe, what was her plan
vele. That her and I will live happily ever after?" He looked at me clearly waiting
for an answer
Me: "You'll have to ask her that."
Nqobani: "I have a plan for them but for now we need to talk to Jabu."
Nathan: "Yes." We went to find him and he was playing PlayStation
Me: "Sekukini vele la(you are home now)?" He laughed
Jabu: "I figured after my performance, I won."
Chance: "We have a few questions, we did a background check on you and we
didn't find anything."
Jabu: "I live my life on analog." He showed us a cheap phone, it wasn't even a
color screen "What were you hoping to find vele?" He looked at us "I am a
hitman, I know too much one day the people who hire me will find me disposable
and I have a family to protect."
Nathan: "You delivered and we appreciate that but we run a tight ship here."
Jabu: "I can see. If you still need me to prove myself I am happy to, trust and
loyalty isn't built in one day especially for us. Give me a chance and you won't be
disappointed."
Me: "We hardly take out hits on people unless its necessary so you'll have to
prove yourself in other areas."
Jabu: "I just want to be part of the team, that's all."
Nqobani: "Okay. 1st assignment, you and I will deal with your whole team."
Jabu: "Whatever you say Grootboom." We carried on talking and getting to know.
He seemed like a good kid. He had a chilled personality.
Nqobani: "We'll meet here tomorrow if you interested in what I'll do Palesa."
Chance: "I am so in."
Nathan: "I am worried about him. He's not drinking or whatever he does to
release. The way he was with the knife Hlanga."
Me: "He's family was killed Nathan, by his ex girlfriend. Wouldn't you be angry?
Wouldn't you torture them?"
Nathan: "Of course I would but Hlanga, he'll get his revenge then what? He's not
grieving the way he should."
Me: "Hayi Nathan let him have this and we'll cross that bridge when we get to it."
Nathan: "Okay. All I am saying is we should keep a close eye on him."
Me: "I hear you." We carried on talking and eventually went our separate ways. I
got home and found my mother cooking and Lonhle was also there. "Good
people. Where's the woman of the house?"
Ma: "She's sleeping. Does she even cook for you if she sleeps this long?"
Me: "She wasn't fine this morning ma, cut her some slack and yes I am always
fed." Why was she judging my woman. Thingo was the best wife. I found her
asleep, she probably had a busy day on campus I thought so I just took a shower
and went to join my family. We had dinner and watched tv with Thingo still
sleeping. I was a bit worried but I let her be.
NQOBANI
The 7 steps of grief, I was stuck between step 2 and 3, denial and anger but anger
mostly. Fucken Palesa Moloi!!!!! Yeses, I have to say I really didn't see her coming.
Why would she hurt me like this? I was at the house, things were different. Our
bedroom was still like how Mimi left it and Njabulo's toys were all over his room. I
still couldn't believe it that my boy wasn't going come through the door looking
for his mama. Mimi and I were raising a mama's boy and I had accepted that. The
foyer was full of our family pictures. We were so happy in those pictures. I was
never going to say Njabulo ka baba ever again and it was all because of Palesa. I
needed alcohol that day and I went and got my favorite bottle Remy Martin and I
watched our family vidoes. I think I cried for the first time that night, especially at
the speech Mimi made at our son's 1st birthday
Mimi: "I know you won't remember this, thank God for the videographer because
you'll get to see it. The day I found out about you I went crazy, I even thought my
world was coming to an end but it was just the beginning. Baby Njabs I wont lie to
you, mama was a mess. Your father was even more mad at me, it was the end of
the world honestly and the hardest 9 months of my life. When I held you in my
arms for the first time and you held on tight to my finger with your tiny hands,
somehow that moment everything fell into place. And baba named you Njabulo
and I couldn't have picked a better name. You are the joy of my heart, the joy of
the house and mommy loves you so much." My speech was wack compared to
what Mimi said to our son. That day I saw her differently but denial is a drug I was
high on. Bringing Palesa into my messy life at that point was a mistake and look
what that mistake cost me. My woman and son. I cried that night, yes men have
tears and they cry. The pain was too much especially after those videos and
pictures, I was never going to see them and the thought of that was making it
hard for me to breathe or eat. I texted my boys, I didn't want to be alone. And
they all came through
Nathan: "What are we doing?"
Hlanga: "You drinking?"
Me: "That's what we doing."
Nathan: "I'll make us food I guess." Chance came in with his sleeping daughter
Chance: "It was just her and I. Dimpho is out with her friends."
Me: "It's cool put her in one of the rooms upstairs."
Chance: "Sure." We all went in the kitchen and watched Nathan cook while we
drank. It was 2 in the morning that time. I was glad to call them friends. Having
them around gave me hope that I'll get through this. We carried on drinking until
the food came and we ate
Me: "You good my guy." He was a good cook, I must say
Nathan: "Thank you."
Hlanga: "If this gangster thing fails maybe try the kitchen." We laughed
Chance: "I second that."
Nathan: "Mxm! Niyaphapha." We laughed and ate and later slept. It was already
the following morning and it was time I dealt with Palesa and her sister.
Me: "I'll meet you at the warehouse in an hour."
Them: "Sure." We parted ways. I called Mimi and listened to her voicemail
message. I missed her that moment. After the call I called the witch that was my
ex girlfriend
Palesa: "Clive. Omg I've been so worried, how are you holding up?" She was a
good actress, I give her that. And I was going to play along just to show her I was
the best actor.
Me: "I am passing Fourways and I was hoping to see you." She giggled
Palesa: "Of course."
Me: "Is your sister around, I wanted to thank her for the support last weekend?"
Palesa: "She's around."
Me: "Okay, get ready because I am taking you guys out." She screamed "What do
you feel like?" She was a liker of things man.
Palesa: "Newscafe is fine. Let us get ready."
Me: "Text me when you done."
Palesa: "Will do." I hung up. And drove to Dischem. I bought bandages and more
gloves together with two wheelchairs. They judged me and I didn't care. I had lost
the ability to give a fuck. I placed everything in my boot and I got the text I was
waiting for.
NARRATED
Palesa: "Ausi Manini, you deserve a gucci handbag waitse." She jump on her bed
Manini: "Keng man Pali(What is it)?"
Palesa: "Clive just called, he's taking us out, as a thank you for supporting him last
weekend. Wooooh ubosso man ausi waka. Your plan is working to be honest I was
starting to worry."
Manini: "I told you. The only thing left is for you to go Mme Sango and all is well,
trust me."
Palesa: "I might just agree." She danced "Let's get ready phela. WATCH OUT
WORLD MRS MTHIMKHULU IN THE BUILDING!!"
Manini: "Eeya ausi. Remember my Gucci bag when you living it up in that double
story house."
Palesa: "Even better ausi waka una le corner bedroom hehe." They high-fived ad
they got ready to be taken out "I have to look hot."
Manini: "You are already hot, just enhance mo'ghel!!" Once they were happy with
their appearance Palesa texted "her man"
Palesa: "He's on his way."
NQOBANI
Me: "You ladies look amazing." If only they knew what I had in mind.
Palesa: "Thank you and thank you for taking us out."
Me: "Enjoy it while it last." I faked laughed and they joined me.
Palesa: "You still a joker, I see." We got to Newscafe and they ordered the whole
store. It was their last supper.
Me: "Are you ladies still good?"
Manini: "We are great. Sorry I need to make a call." I nodded and I was left with
fake flower. To think I once felt something for her, it was genuine but it wasn't
enough to stay.
Me: "I wanted to talk about us."
Palesa: "Please don't take me supporting you the wrong way. I understand your
pain, just grieve Clive, I am not going anywhere." She was good man.
Me: "Thank you Pali." That moment proved to me that the Pali I had a picture of
and the Pali that was in front of me were two different people. Manini came back
and they finished up and it was about to go down. I drove us to the warehouse.
Manini: "Where are you taking us now?"
Me: "Your final destination." I said nonchalantly
Palesa: "What does that mean?" I was met by the guys outside. I reached for my
gun and got got out the car.
Me: "Get out the car guys." I pointed the gun at them. "So what was your plan.
Please fill me in, I am dying to know."
Palesa: "Clive what's happening?"
Manini: "WTF Clive!!"
Me: "You bitches don't get to say my name, like you didn't wipe out my family."
Palesa: "Oh my ausi Manini, he knows."
Manini: "Shut up Palesa." She looked straight in my eyes. She had balls I must say
"Your gun doesn't scare me."
Me: "Your sister is, she even peed herself." She really did "Now get inside." They
went in
Hlanga: "Its about time." He looked at Palesa "To think I thought highly of you."
Me: "Sit down. Now fill me in on your plan." I looked at Palesa
Me: "Clive I love you. You promised me things won't change and you went
straight to doing the one thing you said you wouldn't do."
Me: "Did I not apologize Palesa? So you putting out a hit on my family, what was
that for, huh?"
Manini: "Payback! You are not going to hurt my sister and think I'll sit back."
Palesa: "Ausi Manini, that wasn't the plan. We were doing this so Clive can see
that we were meant to be together." Wow, they are both crazy.
Me: "Palesa there's nothing in the world that you were going to do to make me
choose you over Mimi and Njabulo and this insane plan just proved to me that I
made the right choice. Its just fucked up that 3 innocent people had to die. I'd
rather you killed me Manini, that's payback."
Manini: "I don't have time for this." She tried to stand up and I pushed her back
and I went to my bag and I came back with my military belt and I didn't waste
time I beat both of them up like kids.
Me: "I won't lay my hand on you." I kept on beating and Hlanga joined me with his
leather belt. They were screaming and crying and I wasn't moved. "Sam fetch
everything in my boot." I took a break and drank water
Palesa: "Clive I am really sorry, I was fighting for us. I didn't mean for Njabulo to
die." Was she kidding me? I charged straight for her neck
Me: "Don't you dare utter my son's name with your filthy mouth. You are a
monster Palesa! My son was only 1 and you could never be Mimi." No wonder it
was so easy to fall for Mimi, Palesa wasn't the person she presented herself to be.
I beat the shit out of her. It wasn't the plan but she mentioned my boy's name, If
you were in my shoes you'll lose it too. I took out my gun and shot both their
knees. They screamed and cried but I didn't care. I put my gloves on and took out
the bullets, bandaged them and I placed them on the wheelchairs "Put them in
one of the trucks and leave them at the nearest hospital." I shot them so that they
don't get to walk again. I wish I could say I felt better and that somehow I found
peace but I was still angry. More angry at the fact that my family died because of
jealousy, It wasn't fair. Jabu and I went to find the rest of the team that was
involved in killing my family and dealt with them accordingly, yes they were dead.
After all the beating and the blood shed I was still empty inside and the truth is I
didn't know how to move on or which way to go.

»40«
CONTINUED
NATHAN
Jabu: "I have been keeping an eye on Grootboom like you asked me to. Its not
good he burnt their house down?" Nqobani had clearly lost it
Me: "With everyone still inside?"
Jabu: "Of course not. Oh the Moloi sisters bled out before they could get help."
Good riddance.
Me: "Good for us actually, I was actually worried about loose ends. But I think
Nqobani did it on purpose."
Jabu: "I know. There had suffered internal bleeding already then add a gunshot.
He wasn't planning to keep them alive. Anyway I like working for you guys."
Me: "Don't get too comfortable we are being investigated right now, so all of this
might come to an end." This investigation was giving me sleepless nights
Jabu: "What? That's not good."
Me: "I know, they have a task force and everything. My only thought is to just
wipe the guy out is heading the task force, it will solve the problem completely."
Jabu: "Wiping out a cop brings more attention, its not wise but you have me now
and I do a clean job."
Me: "No I want you looking into this guy." I gave him Viper name and photo
"Infiltrate his operations if you need to, I think there's more to this then I fail to
admit." Caleb and his son were coming for me like he promised and they had the
law on their side, and all of this was somehow related to my relationship with
Azande. While we were talking the guys came in.
Hlanga: "Nqobani is MIA!"
Me: "Hlanga it was your turn to babysit him." Yes we had a timetable and all.
Nqobani took things to heart and he was back to drinking there was no telling
how far we'll take himself with the pain he was in.
Hlanga: "My parents were in town Nathan. I thought Jabu was on him."
Jabu: "I left when he drove home."
Hlanga: "He made you."
Jabu: "What? Never."
Nathan: "Nqobani is a spy, trust me he made you."
Hlanga: "He won't be happy that we had him followed in the first place." I know I
wouldn't "So he burnt the house down?" Jabu nodded "wow! At least we don't
have to worry about the sisters talking."
Me: "We have bigger problems my guy, Nqobani can't disappear. This
investigation has me worried."
Hlanga: "Me too. It's time we get ahead of this." He was right
Me: "I'll reach out to Lwando and hear what he has for us."
Hlanga: "Since Mxolisi knows our faces, we need a new face to tail him" he looked
at Jabu
Me: "I already have him on something else, try Sizwe or one of the new guys." I
had a lot of people working for me.
Hlanga: "Sharp." While we were talking Vicky came to me
Vicky: "I have been training for so long, I am ready to work now big boss."
Me: "My wife can give birth anyday now and I needed to be sure that you'll be
able to protect my family when I am not there. You'll drive the kids to school and
do whatever my wife tells you to do. You report anything suspicious to me. Watch
out for anything, you might be followed so be vigilant."
Vicky: "I know my training boss. You can trust me and I make a great nanny, ask
my younger siblings." I chuckled
Me: "Okay come meet my family then." I took my things "I'll meet you outside I
need to have a word with the guys."
Me: "Chance I need your loan sharking business to clean some money."
Chance: "Okay I'll bring the books tomorrow. There's a guy I know who needs a
cleaner and he'll call you soon."
Me: "Okay. Later guys. Hlanga find Nqobani."
Hlanga: "I am working on it as we speak."
Me: "Sharp." Vicky and I left. I found all the ladies getting massages. "Just move in
once, all of you."
Azande: "That's what I keep telling them."They laughed. "Who's our guest?"
Me: "Oh this Vicky, the family nanny."
Azande: "Baby wam thank so much. Come kiss me" she was in a good mood,
being around the gogos was good for her. We kissed "Welcome to the family
Vicky Vic."
Vicky: "Thank you."
Mbali: "Wena Nathan you are the one yaz."
Mpume: "Now I really wish I was Nathan's girl." They laughed and I didn't get it.
Ntando: "Oh yes!" They laughed "You were once Nathan's girl."
Azande: "What? Baby you didn't tell me."
Me: "I don't know what they talking about."
Lisa: "Mnqobi had two women in his life and they didn't know about each other."
Ntando: "To cover up to Zandi, Mpume was your girl." I laughed wow!
Me: "Mnqobi would kill me. Here's my girl." I pointed at her. She blushed and
they laughed "Are still okay?"
Azande: "I am trying to not panic about the fact that I am 3 days late from my
due date."
Me: "Phiwe said it happens, we shouldn't panic."
Azande: "Baby I think I want to induce, I am tired."
Me: "Are you sure?" She nodded sulking
Me: "I'll call Phiwe. Let me drive Vicky home, she'll move in tomorrow. Do you
want her out or inside the house?"
Azande: "Let's give her privacy. She'll take yhe pool house."
Me: "Okay." I kissed her "Ngyakthanda MaJele and thank you for everything. Even
the for my Princess."
Azande: "I love you too baby and Nathan please save room for disappointment
when its a boy."
Me: "I won't love him any less baby. In my head I am seeing a pink room though."
She giggled "And Lethu, Jaden, and I will fight off anyone who breaks Princess's
heart." I kissed her
Azande: "Somehow you've made me like the idea of a girl. I'll have my own
personal baby doll and dress her up and put make up on her."
Me: "Not my daughter Azande!!!" She laughed and I kissed her "Let me call
Phiwe."
Azande: "Okay." I drove Vicky to her place and called Phiwe on my way back and
she was open to seeing us the next day.
AZANDE
Nathan: "Shit Azande, you peed yourself again, baby ngeke." He jumped out of
the bed
Me: "My water broke you idiot." I got out of bed "Nathan take me to the hospital
and Call Phiwe."
Nathan: "Is it time?" He took his phone and called her
Me: "Yup." I had been ignoring the pain but they were getting worse with each
passing minute. "SPHE!!!!" I changed my pjs and put my gown on and sleepers. I
called the gogos. They had been in town waiting for the birth of the baby. It was
really sweet man. I also called my dad and Sanda together with Bongi. I was
suddenly scared and didn't want to be alone.
Sphe: "Bhuti is waiting for you in the car and the bags are already there."
Me: "Okay. Thank you sisi."
Sphe: "I cant wait." I walked to the car. The tv was dramatic, contractions aren't
that bad, I mean I was walking and talking on the phone on the way to the
hospital.
Nathan: "Are you okay?"
Me: "It's just minor pains, nothing I can't handle."
Nathan: "Okay we almost there." We was driving quite fast. I was booked into a
room and the pain got worse.
Me: "I take it back baby, I am not fine." I was sweating and I didn't know what to
do with myself, my body didn't feel like mine, I was feeling so many things "Give
me the epi please."
Phiwe: "Okay." It didn't help I was screaming and crying.
Nathan: "Baby I am here."
Me: "Huuuuuu!!! Huuu!! Get out of my face Nathan!!!" He looked too calm and
he was annoying me.
Nathan: "Don't be crazy, I am not going anywhere. We in this together."
Me: "I am sorry baby, I didn't mean that." I cried "I am ready to push Phiwe!!!"
She checked how far I was dilated.
Phiwe: "Yes! She's crowning!" She looked at my husband "Work with me Nathan
help her push okay. 3, 2 and PUSH!!!!" I out did myself,
Nathan: "You doing great baby." In what felt like hours I closed my eyes after
hearing a baby crying from a distance.
======
I heard a deep voice and I slowly opened my eyes
Nathan: "There's a whole lot of people who have dying to meet you baby girl. You
are really loved and daddy will protect you like his life depends on it. Yes
Princess."
Me: "We made a girl." He turned
Nathan: "Mommy is up." He picked up our baby girl and came over to me and he
handed her to me.
Me: "Hey baby girl." She looked so peaceful. Holding her and just looking at her, I
knew I made the right choice and everything I endured was worth it. Just like that,
I was someone's mother "She's beautiful."
Nathan: "I know. Thank you for making me a father MaJele, I won't disappoint
you. I promise."
Me: "I know and thank you for making me a mother, I'll be the best one." He
kissed my forehead "We need baby names."
Nathan: "This is Ella Pierce. Ella means "goddess"" I smiled, it was beautiful
Me: "I was thinking Buhle." He smiled
Nathan: "I love it. Ella Buhle Pierce."
Me: "I can't believe she's actually here and I carried her."
Nathan: "Believe it baby. This is all you and I couldn't be more grateful. I love you
guys."
Me: "We love you too daddy."
Nathan: "Are you ready to see everyone or should I tell them to come back later?"
Me: "It's okay." He helped me sit properly and everyone came to hover over baby
Ella. It was all still so surreal to me but one thing I vowed to myself was, I was
going to be the best mother to her and her brother. I was raising Jaden it was
time I accepted that. Nathan's family is so supportive and above anything else
they valued and loved each other. You couldn't help but be sucked in their circle
love and loyalty. They bought more baby clothes on top of the ones from the
baby shower, fruit baskets even new pyjamas for me and clothes for when I get
out.
Me: "You guys spoil me too much."
Mbali: "That's what grandparents do and this is our first granddaughter. So this is
only the beginning." Wow
Ntandokazi: "I just want to eat her, she's too nunus." Things weren't looking good
for her, Phiwe wasn't hopeful as well but she came up with a plan to try and make
her pregnancy comfortable as possible. She was still reluctant on telling her
husband about it.
Nathan: "Suddenly I don't trust you around my daughter."
Ntandokazi: "Kahle! Congratulations new parents, all the best. I can't wait to take
her shopping and dress her up in pink things." She giggled
Me: "Ksazobalit." We laughed
Sthembi: "We'll see you when you guys get out, we still in town."
Me: "Okay thank you for everything." We hugged and they left.
Nathan: "Come let's get you cleaned up." We went to the bathroom, we got in the
shower together and he washed my body, every inch of it. I felt loved and
appreciated but looking at his body and how sexy he was, I was suddenly
insecure. I needed to get in shape.
Me: "Thank you baby."
Nathan: "You welcome. Azande Ella is here now and she's doing great. I'd like you
to start planning for our wedding." I was about to say something and Ella cried
Nathan: "Feed my baby and I am serious."
Me: "Okay." There was no use fighting him plus I also wanted to be a proper Mrs
Pierce. I took my baby girl and the nurse showed me how to breastfeed her and I
caught on quickly.
Nathan: "She's just perfect." He said playing with her hands and taking a picture
of her sucking my boob
Me: "I know." She really was. That moment everything felt right. I was really
happy, I had my own family and it was growing. Not for once did I picture my life
turning this way but I was content.

»41«
Omuhle: "Baby please don't do this. We can work it out Ndumiso, My Love we
always do."
Me: "..." I was done talking, that's all we did but we never moved forward. I can't
believe it took me this long to see her for the selfish person my wife really was.
Omuhle: "Mthombeni it's me, Musa wakho. Ndumiso since when do we just give
up on us, our family?"
Me: "We were never a family Musomuhle, you somehow made me believe that
knowing exactly that all you want is someone to warm your bed while you travel
and occasionally fucks you. Not even once have you ever chosen me over your
career. I love you MaGumede believe me I do and it kills me to do this but there
has to be a line to how much bullshit I can take."
Omuhle: "Baby I thought you were supportive and understanding of my career.
Us having kids wont be good especially with the kind of mother I wanted to be."
Me: "No one supports you like me Omuhle. I keep hearing you say that, but to me
those are all excuses and you know it. You've never even given us a chance to
have a child Omuhle. We are fucken 33 years old and we've been married 7 years
and we still use condoms on top of the injection you never seem to forget to take.
I am done." After packing the boys' toys and clothes we left
Omuhle: "Ndumiso we can work it out. Baby I love you so much. You and the boys
mean so much to me" She cried
Me: "Its so funny you'd say that. The boys you love so much one of them lost his
mother, where were you Omuhle, huh?" She didn't have an answer because she
wasn't even in the country. All she cared about was her career and I was over her
crocodile tears. She always does this knowing exactly that I'll cave. This time I was
serious. I placed the apartment keys on the table. We didn't even own a house.
We owned a 3 bedroom apartment. How was she okay with this? "My things are
in boxes I'll come fetch them once I have found the boys and I a permanent
place."
Omuhle: "Can we at least talk about visitation Ndumiso. They are also my kids."
Me: "I'll see." I looked at her "I am leaving this marriage with exactly what I came
with. Maybe had you given me something to hold on to, something to fight for
we'll be talking a different story because I am done fighting for someone who
hasn't been fighting for me." She didn't lose out on anything in this marriage
whereas I lost my time. I could've been happy somewhere or with someone who
actually shared the same dreams with me.
Musa: "Ndumiso you are not being fair right now." She wiped her tears and went
to the boys "I'll see you guys over the weekend okay. What should I bring for
you."
Junior: "Mamiza you promised me Jordan sneakers." She giggled
Musa: "Okay I'll make sure I bring them. Wena big boy?" She played with his head
Mpendulo: "Just make sure you come." She nodded "Oh and a new video game."
Musa: "I'll make sure I come. I love you guys okay."
Them: "We love you too mamiza." They hugged
Me: "Take the bags to the car guys." We looked at each other
Musa: "Baby can we please talk. Ndumiso I love you. I can't lose you."
Me: "Please don't contest the divorce Omuhle" I handed her the divorce papers. It
took me two years of convincing myself. Mimi and Njabulo dying woke me up. Life
is too short not living the life you wanted for yourself and no one was going to
make it happen for you. Life is moving on. "It will save us a lot of money and
time."
Omuhle: "I am not signing this. Please give me a chance Ndumiso ngyakcela
sthandwa sam."
Me: "Sign or don't sign, I don't care anymore and I am leaving you." I took my car
keys and we left.
Mpendulo: "Baba where are we going?"
Me: "We are moving to Joburg boys. I found you guys a school there but we'll be
staying at my friend's place until I find us a house."
Junior: "We'll get to see aunty right?" He was talking about my sister. I am sure
you've been asking yourself, who's this Ndumiso Duma guy? Well I am just a guy
who grew up in the streets of KwaMashu, Ive always been a hustler ever since I
was a kid, I have 3 sister. Dead mother and I never met my father. As you know
Nathan and the old men taught me the real game not the thuggish thing I was
about. I am grateful for them taking me in because I wouldn't have made it thus
far without them. As for my wife, damn I still remember the day I first laid my
eyes on her like it was yesterday. It was a hot December day, the sun was showing
off and she came with in her tall skinny self and gave me cold water and
watermelon and offered sunscreen. I didn't care, I mean I was already dark but to
me that was a sign of care. Something I had been longing for. From that day I
started looking forward to spending Saturdays at the Gumede mansion, washing
cars and doing their garden. In winter it was hot chocolate and muffins and that's
were our love story started. Her time in varsity was a test of the strength of our
relationship. It was long distance plus she was a hockey player and was hardly
home. And that's how the boys came into existence, we broke it off for a while
because it wasn't working but the minute we found ourselves back in each others
arms I didn't waste time, I proposed that moment. I even represented myself
when I paid lobola. There's nothing I wouldn't have done for Omuhle because I
loved her that much. I honestly don't know how we got here. I have two boys
with different mothers, Mpendulo(12) and Junior (11). They are everything to me
and Omuhle was accepting of them and they really had a great bond. I drove us to
Johannesburg
Hlanga: "Are sure about this Ndu?" I had never been so sure in my life. I was really
done.
Me: "I am done. Is Thingo okay with the boys and I crashing here."
Hlanga: "She's okay. Come this way." He showed us the rooms we could occupy
and we dropped our bags
Ndu: "Let me greet your wife phela, I am not rude like that."
Hlanga: "She's sleeping. You and I have a Nqobani problem." He was still missing
Me: "I am starting to doubt you as a spy."
Hlanga: "He doesn't want to be found Ndu. I used all my skills. He even ditched his
UN phone."
Me: "Okay. I'll hack his bank account and see how he's surviving."
Hlanga: "I already did that. I am really worried Ndu."
Me: "Trust me we all are. Nathan is a father to a baby girl."
Hlanga: "He sent me a picture. He was hoping for one. I am the only who hasn't
tasted fatherhood."
Me: "It will come my guy."
Hlanga: "I know."
Me: "We need to trace his steps."
Hlanga: "Places he frequents."
Thingo: "I heard voices. Sanibonani."
Me: "Mamasekhaya."
Thingo: "Are you good, who are these big boys?" She asked smiling. My boys
introduced themselves
Hlanga: "Baby can you watch them for a while, Nqobani has disappeared and we
trying to find him."
Thingo: "Oh nkosi yam." She started crying "Why are you still here? Go and find
him." She shouted and we were both confused.
Hlanga: "Okay."
Me: "We'll see you guys later."
Thingo: "Okay. Just find him. This is too much." She was still crying and Hlanga
was hushing his wife. I really missed mine, I can't believe it was over. "I need
vinegar." And she went to the kitchen
Me: "Bye boys."
Hlanga: "Let's go." And we left.
HLELO
My mother had moved in with us and I loved having her around, my brothers
weren't happy though they say she was cramping their style. While my other
siblings were in Durban with baba, they didn't seem to mind actually but every
weekend the flew to Johannesburg.
Me: "So you and Alime went to buy amagwinya and you what, forgot about us?" I
was actually mad
Mamazi: "Omg! Khaya we have found our thing."
Alime: "This is amazing." They high fived.
Me: "Oh hell no. You lack originality nje. Why mustb it be something you go buy"
they were laughing now. They were stealing our thing
Alime: "For years I felt like an outsider with Qwabe and his princesses. Hehe."
Mamazi: "Ksazobalit!! Tell the boys kuth ksazobalit lit lit!!" She sang and my
brother danced and he was failing. Alime had two left feet. Lakhe got all mamazi's
talents.
Me: "Mxm! Sasa and Qwabe are coming this weekend sizoninyisa."
Mamazi: "Suka!!" While they were ganging up on me Lunathi and Sbonga came
back from school followed by lakhe and Musa. She was a mess, she had been
crying you could tell.
Me: "Big big sis. What's wrong?" Yes she was big big sis and I was big sis to the
quads and Nosipho was just Nosipho.
Mamazi: "Musomuhle you've been crying. Are you okay?" She started crying
again. Mamazi and I went to hush her. Musa was the baby of the family, as old as
she was, if you thought I was spoilt you haven't met Musa. "Yin MaGumede?" She
finally calm down
Musa: "Ndumiso is divorcing me mamazi."
Us: "He is what??"
Lakhe: "Is he crazy?"
Alime: "After everything you've done for him. You raised his kids for fuck sakes."
There's always two sides to a story guys.
Me: "Why is he divorcing you?"
Mamazi: "Is it not fixable whatever you going through?" She sighed
Musa: "He didn't even want us to talk mamazi. He just took the boys and left.
Mamazi I love him, why is he doing this to me?"
Mamazi: "What are his reasons for this divorce. It takes a lot for someone to think
divorce Musomuhle."
Musa: "He's been complaining about kids and my time travelling. Traveling and
sports have always been my dream and my work is demanding there is no room
for kids." I once told you that my sister never had kids in her life plans.
Mamazi: "I am surprised it took him this long to throw the towel. Musa what
about his dreams, have you thought about that?" She looked at her
Alime: "No mamazi, Ndumiso is being unfair here, so Musa must quit her dreams
for him? That's not fair."
Me: "Sisi if you didn't want kids because I think you don't why didn't you tell Ndu
upfront before all the hoops he had to jump to make you his. He loves you, I know
he does but do you love him to at least compromise?"
Mamazi: "Hlehle is right Musa. Marriage is a two way street and compromise is
key."
Musa: "I don't think its fair that I have to give up my life just to make Ndumiso
happy. I love him, isn't that enough?"
Me: "To him its not and I am sure he doesn't want you to quit your dreams hence
the divorce. He's taking himself out of the equation and I honestly think you
shouldn't fight him."
Mamazi: "There's sense in what your sister is saying sometimes walking away is
the right decision. You get to chase your dreams until kingdom comes while he
also chases his. But I have one question for you to what end and who do you
celebrate these dreams with Musa? The point of marriage is to share a life and it
seems like you and Ndumiso haven't been doing that. To cleave as one means you
become one person and your dreams are his dreams and his dreams are your
dreams. Do you think I wanted 9 kids, honestly that's crazy but your father did
and because I loved him, I somehow loved the idea of 9 kids as well. Achieving
your goals is not wrong but you also have to set them aside and focus on his. I am
sure that's what he did when he took endless flights to watch your games
sometimes he even recruited us to join him. Musa you don't love him enough, set
him free for someone who will." She stood up and went to the kitchen. I didn't
know my sister was this selfish, and she got the best guy. Ndumiso is the ultimate
husband in my eyes. He's responsible and he always shows up for my sister. On
top of that he's been through a lot from losing his mother and raising his sisters
alone from age 17. A guy like him deserves a break man. I followed her and I just
looked at her.
Musa: I am scared of having kids Hlehle. My mother died giving birth to me. What
if the same fate happens to me?" Wow, I didn't see this one coming.
Me: "Have you ever told your husband that?" She shook her head. "Why not?"
Musa: "You the first person I've told and honestly I don't know. I didn't think
Ndumiso wanted us to have kids this much. I mean we have the boys and I love
them Hlehle, they are mine. We already had kids in my head." Her fear of giving
birth was extreme and I understood. She never got to meet her mother and
maybe she feels she'll never meet her babies.
Me: "It's clear that You have been living in your own world, without your
husband. Now its time to think things through, are you willing to compromise for
the sake of love or you not willing and you will carry on doing what you've always
wanted."
Musa: "Him leaving was a wake up call Hlelo. I haven't been present in my
marriage. My dreams really don't matter if I don't share them with Ndumiso. I
love that man Hlehle."
Me: "Then what are you going to do?"
Musa: "I honestly don't know. I'll come with a plan though. I am not willing to lose
Ndumiso and those boys."
Me: "Then fight for them Musa and sisi you need to stop thinking of only
yourself."
Musa: "I know, I am not proud of who I have become." She was in deep thoughts
"I have never been this scared in my life Hlehle."
Me: "I hear you." We carried on talking about how Ndu came alone to pay her
lobola and our dads gave him a hard time and he didn't complain. He did
everything they asked of him. My sister was really lucky but she took advantage of
him and she needed to learn.
=======
Mpilo: "I was in Joburg and I thought I should come and check up on you."
Me: "That's nice of you. I needed this study break." He offered to take me out for
ice cream
Mpilo: "You almost done."
Me: "I can't wait. So I can start making my own money." We laughed
Mpilo: "Remember us poor people when you have made it."
Me: "Don't be crazy, you are an engineer Mpilo. You have all the money."
Mpilo: "Right now I have enough for your ice cream." I looked at him shocked, he
laughed
Me: "Mxm! Uyabhora yaz." I looked at him. He was just a younger version of
Hlanga. All handsome mysterious.
Mpilo: "You are staring again." I couldn't help myself
Me: "So you just going to watch me murder this ice cream and waffle?" He was
just looking at me guys and not doing anything.
Mpilo: "Mmm. Umuhle nkosazana." I blused and he laughed "Do you turn red
everytime you blush?" I touched my face trying to hide it. He was laughing at me
"I am going to enjoy spending time with you man."
Me: "I can't help it okay. You making me feel insecure." He held my face and
made me look at him
Mpilo: "You have nothing to be insecure about. You are perfect." I honestly don't
know what was happening
Me: "Thank you."
Mpilo: "Now finish up so you can kill Thursday's exam."
Me: "Okay." After I was done with my treat we drove back to campus since I was
studying there "Thank you for today."
Mpilo: "Okay. I'll see you soon."
Me: "Sharp." He drove away and I went to find Bheka and Connie. She was part of
the crew now. Thingo was MIA but she was married so you kinda expected her
disappearances. I honestly didn't know how I felt about young bhuti, was he even
making a move? I was over relationships that was for sure I was focused on
getting my qualification. I pushed the books until The King of my heart called his
mama. Sbonga and I were best friends. The more he grew up the more he
couldn't survive without me and honestly I loved every minute of it. It was nice to
be needed and appreciated because my son only ate pancakes made by mama.
Sbonga: "Mama, gogo is sick."
Me: "What. Let's go check up on her." We went to my room because she sleeps
with us and indeed she didn't look fine "Ndlovukazi, let's take you to the ER."
Mamazi: "I am fine baby its just night sickness."
Me: "I only know of morning sickness. Wait what?" She looked at me "You
pregnant?"
Mamazi: "Shhhh next thing King radio tells the world." Sbonga was talkative and
he eavesdrops on conversations "I haven't told your father yet because its not
looking good. Doctors don't think I'll carry to term." I hugged her
Me: "These are great news and tell him. We'll get through this. Mamazi you know
we support each other in this family."
Mamazi: "I know and I really need you guys. I was planning on telling him when
they come this weekend but now he's pissed off about Ndumiso divorcing his
daughter. Musa is such a cry baby kodwa." I laughed
Me: "I know. Change his mood with such great news. After Baby Ella I am
suddenly excited about giving Sbonga a sibling." My mother popped her eyes "I
am joking. Mamazi we need more girls in this family."
Mamazi: "I am also praying for one. iGwinya le ntokazi." I laughed so hard, my
mother guys.
Me: "No wonder there's always amagwinya in this house." I hugged her again
"You don't understand how happy I am. Forget what the doctors say, God is in
control."
Mamazi: "I am trusting him with this gift." She brushed her belly. I was really
happy to be her daughter. Sbonga and I got into bed with her and we ate
amagwinya and mayonnaise with her. Of course I didn't have them with
mayonnaise, I am not pregnant. She told me about the plan her gynae gave her.
Me: "I'll adjust my schedule so I go with you to the doctor." She was going to see
the doctor once a week to closely monitor her and the baby
Mamazi: "I'd really love that." We carried on talking and planning. "I have to say
your excitement is rubbing off on me." I couldn't help but smile. I was really
happy about having a sibling.

»41«
CONTINUED
MUSA
You've probably heard a lot about me but let me tell my side of the story. I am
Musomuhle Gumede-Duma I am 33 years old. I grew up privileged its no secret
and I was raised to not be ashamed or apologize for it. I grew up getting whatever
I wanted and needed so it's fair to call me spoilt. The topic about my marriage,
wow! I honestly don't know and how we got here nor did I see the divorce
coming. Ndumiso and I always figured things out and found ways to make it work.
From what I have picked up is, I haven't been paying attention at how unhappy he
was because I have been so focused in making a name for myself. After having the
mini heart-to-heart conversation with my family, I flew back to Durban because I
still had to show up for work. I had been calling my husband and he either ignored
me or gave the phone to the boys. I was really hurt, I wasn't coping at all but one
thing I knew for sure was I wasn't signing those divorce papers, not without a
fight anyway. While I was drafting play moves and choosing a team for the
upcoming season, as you know I am a hockey coach for the SA U/21 women's
hockey team. My job is demanding and it requires a lot of travel time. This has
always been a dream of mine, Ndumiso knew that about me. That's the part I fail
to understand why is this suddenly all new to him. My boss entered my office
Boss: "Your pre-season stats look great, I must say."
Me: "Thank you. They are even better than the two past years." I was actually
doing great as a head coach. I was where I've always wanted to be, having to give
that up it wasn't an easy decision to make.
Boss: "They are. The organization is even considering making you assistant coach
for the U/21 males."
Me: "What? Are you serious?" Those were great news
Boss: "Dead serious. Musa you were born for this there's no denying it."
Me: "Thank you for saying that. Is there something specific you wanted us to
discuss or you came to congratulate me about my stats?"
Boss: "Oh yes, I want you to approve the budget for the season and if I missed
something just mention it somewhere on the page so I'll start the bookings and
whatever."
Me: "Okay I'll get it done as soon as I am done here." She handed me the budget
file and she left. I tried calling my husband again. At that moment I really wanted
to share the news about my new assignment with him but my career has
suddenly caused a drift in my marriage.
Ndu: "Sho" wow! I have always been Omuhle or baby.
Me: "I wanted us to talk about me spending time with the boys." I sighed "Baby I
don't even know where you are, are you even okay?"
Ndu: "I'll bring the boys Friday evening. And if you worried about them I'll let you
talk to them when they come back from school." He didn't even consult me about
them changing schools. Yes I travel but I am also around and I am aware how my
household is. I wasn't entirely absent in my marriage.
Me: "Baby can we at least talk about this."
Ndu: "That's all we've been doing all these years Omuhle, talking. I am tired, the
boys will call you later." He hung up on me. I wasn't in the mood for work that day
especially after realizing he was moving on without me, I texted the team to
practice without me. I packed my things I was going to work from home. I drove
to the mall and started looking for the sneakers and video games I had promised
the boys. I loved Mpendulo and Junior like their were my own, they were a part of
Ndumiso and I accepted them wholeheartedly. After the mall I drove home, got
comfy in my onsie and I sat in front of the tv. The house was so empty, I could
hear myself breathe. I couldn't imagine life without Ndumiso, the year and a few
months we were broken up didn't go well for me and I didn't want to live without
him. I drove home, as much as mamazi was in joburg, baba did the same job she
did.
Baba: "I wasn't expecting you here." He looked at me "Are you okay?" We hugged
Me: "Ndumiso served me with divorce papers." I cried, I still can't believe it. He
didn't even ask for separation, he went straight to cutting ties.
Baba: "He what?" He was pisssed
Me: "Baba he won't even talk to me." He wiped my tears "I don't know what do. I
love him so much." I started crying again.
Baba: "Sssssh thula sisi. Thula phela MaMnguni." He hushed me until I calmed
down
Me: "Baba please talk to him. He even took the kids."
Baba: "I'll do more than talk, nxa. He promised me that he'll take care of you like I
would."
Me: "He has been taking care of me. He has a problem with my job and the fact
that I haven't given him kids."
Baba: "So what does he wants, for you to be some housewife who's dependent
on him? Is he crazy, this is the new age. You can do it all." I couldn't tell him that I
have been preventing the babies from happening.
Me: "I don't know, because he doesn't want us to talk."
Baba: "I'll deal with him."
Me: "Please don't be yourself Qwabe and beat up my husband. Tell him to give us
a chance to talk, that's all I am asking for."
Baba: "I am not making any promises. You hurt my daughter I beat and ask
questions later."
Me: "Baba please don't do that. He's my husband." I gave him puppy eyes.
Baba: "Okay I'll talk to him like a man."
Me: "Thank you. Where's everyone?"
Baba: "The Khumalos, they left me all alone."
Me: "Well I am here, cry no more. Lets order all the unhealthy things mamazi
wouldn't approve of."
Baba: "Yess please." We laughed and I started ordering. We watched my favorite
movie Love and Basketball over pizza, burgers and fries. It was a classic and baba
was so bored he ended up sleeping on the couch. Qophelo might might have not
given the seed to birth me but he was more of my father more than Mnqobi was.
=======
Me: "Thank you for bringing them." We were looking at each other on either sides
of the door.
Ndu: "No problem."
Me: "So where do you guys live now, incase I want to send them something." I
always couriered things for them whenever I was traveling.
Ndu: "We haven't found a place. My lawyer advised me to hold off adding assets
to my name until the divorce is final."
Me: "I don't want the divorce Ndumiso."
Ndu: "I am aware, your father was very clear about that." He chuckled "The other
reason I left, you don't respect me as your husband Omuhle. Your father does as
he pleases in our marriage."
Me: "I only asked him to get you to talk to me baby. I didn't know what else to
do." I pulled him inside. "Ndumiso we've come so far, baby give me a chance to
fight for you." I wiped my tears "Baby we love each other and our love conquers
anything."
Ndu: "That's what I thought until I saw 7 years of my life gone to waste. I'll fetch
the boys on Sunday." He went to talk to them and came back "sharp." He wanted
to say he loves me, it was in his eyes
Me: "I love you too Mthombeni. I really do."
Ndu: "Look at where we are Omuhle and we love each other. Its clear that love is
not enough. Bye." He left. The boys and I made dinner and later played the new
video game Mpendulo wanted. And later went to bed. I couldn't sleep so decided
to skype Nosipho
Nosipho: "Hey there."
Me: "Hey babe."
Nosipho: "I miss you. You have sad eyes, is everything okay?" I sighed
Me: "I am surprised you haven't heard. News travel fast in our family. I am in a
crisis, my marriage is failing Nosipho. I am losing everything."
Nosipho: "Wooooah wait. Start from the beginning."
Me: "Ndumiso served me with divorce papers last weekend. Took Mpendulo and
Junior and is starting over in Joburg without me."
Nosipho: "Why? That doesn't make sense."
Me: "Its us not having kids and basically me putting work over our family. I did the
best I could Nosi. I can't have it all, if I choose him my work suffers. If I choose my
work, I'll lose my family."
Nosipho: "It's truth time Musa, its time you stopped lying to yourself. You know
why he's actually leaving. You are to blame for all of this." No! Can she not bring
up the past.
Me: "It can't be, I was very carefully and it was before we got married."
Nosipho: "But you've been avoiding the baby topic because of what you did. Its
guilt."
Me: "..."
Nosipho: "You know I am telling the truth. Until you open up to him, there is no
marriage."
Me: "I thought you'll be on my side Nosi."
Nosi: "I am on your side Musa. You know I have your back. Deep down you know I
am right." Mxm!
Me: "You breaking up now, I can't see you. Bye, I love you." I hung up.
Junior: "Mamiza." He came into our room
Me: "Yes boy. Why aren't you sleeping?"
Junior: "I can't sleep. Can I join you."
Me: "Of course. Is everything okay, are you like the new school?" He tucked
himself next to me.
Junior: "It's okay. I miss my friends though."
Me: "You'll make new ones. Just give it time."
Junior: "Dad says you won't be living with us at the new house."
Me: "Dad and I are still talking. Do you want me to live with you guys?"
Junior: "I don't understand why we were moving in the first place. Mpendulo says
whatever you fighting about its not fixable because you getting a divorce." It
broke my heart hearing him say that, Ndumiso had even told the kids about him
divorcing me.
Me: "Everything is fixable NJ. This is not forever. Boy I want you to understand
that Mamiza and dad fight sometimes and need space from each other but that
doesn't mean it's the end okay and that we wont be together."
Junior: "Okay because I don't like Joburg."
Me: "Okay I'll talk to dad, okay?"
Junior: "Okay. I am tired."
Me: "Let's sleep." Junior was already affected by this and Ndumiso didn't even see
it. Between him and Mpendulo, not only was he the youngest he was also
sensitive as well. I couldn't accept being in their life part time or even losing the
man I love. Ndumiso was my first, yes I had dated and had my heartbroken a few
times but everything felt right with him. I still remember the day I first laid eyes
on him. Its was a hot summer day and he was topless with a sweaty back with a
torso I'd do time for. The ice cold water and watermelon was just curiosity, I had
to get closer. My husband is your typical kasi boy. All Star, jeans and a top guy
with a bucket hat and biting a match stick on his right side of his mouth. I did that
for a month with him not uttering a word until I got tired and the day I didn't
bring anything he sent Hlelo to call me and the first thing he said was
Ndu: "I am thirty MaGumede." With the biggest grin on his face, I didn't waste
time. I went to fetch him ice cold water and sliced mangoes this time. The
following sentence was "You have ruined iced cold water for me, I don't want
anyone else serving me but you." My teenage self giggled and blushed all at the
same time. It was no secret that I had a crush on him "A guy like me never gets a
girl like you and ruins his chances." He said
Me: "Don't ruin it." I said with a smile
Ndu: "I don't plan to." We kissed under tree in our backyard. Our chemistry was
undeniable and that's how it all started. We were only 17 years old but that day I
knew I didn't want anyone else but him. Our relationship was tested by distance
because life gets in the way. My 3rd year in varsity we broke things off because of
time and distance and the fact that I had just aborted our baby and I couldn't face
him. With Nosipho telling me to come clean, I don't think he'll ever take me back.

»42«
THINGO
The house was empty, it was just my husband and I. Ndumiso and the boys were
in Durban for the weekend. I must say I like having them around, having to worry
about someone else other than Hlanga and myself, felt good.
Hlanga: “SIPHOSETHU WHY THE FUCK IS MY LAWYER CALLING YOU ON A
SATURDAY AFTERNOON?” He said while he tightly clinge his teeth. “I FUCKEN
ASKED YOU A QUESTION.” why was he shouting at me? I cried so loud. I ran to our
room and locked it and had a tear festival until I gave myself a headache and
slept. A while later I was woken by the door being broken down
Me: "Hlangalezwe kant yin ngawe!!!" I was pissed now
Hlanga: "What did I say about walking away from me when I am talking?"
Me: "You were shouting at me and I didn't do anything wrong." Tears threatened
to come out
Hlanga: "Why is Delani Sokhulu calling Siphosethu?" He was trying really hard not
to act mad. This is the downside of marriage to the point of him.having excess to
your phone. It was clear there was still trust issues in our marriage.
Me: "Well when I retained him for your rape case he kinda gave me an
ultimatum.”
Hlanga: “What?” yes he did. I didn’t tell anyone because of such things,
unnecessary outburst
Me: “Yeah. He said I sign with them or get out of his office. Baby I was really
desparate and his law firm was the only one I had an interaction with in Joburg.
So I agreed and now he’s been checking up on me and helping me with my
thesis.”
Hlanga: “End it Siphosethu. Its either you are really dumb or you are enjoying it.”
Me: “Its ended standwa sam.” I took my phone from his hand “See, blocked and
deleted.”
Hlanga: “Now come kiss me.” I giggled and gave him a short kiss. I really didn’t
need Delani Sokhulu ruining such moments. As we were busy exchanging siliva I
got a text from Bab’ Gumede telling me to meet him at the house with Hlanga.
Me: “Bab Gumede wants to meet us at bushwillow.”
Hlanga: “What? Why?
Me: “Probably about my father.” He nodded “Are you ready?” he nodded and he
took his keys and we left. We made our way in the yard and to the front door. The
door was open “Anyone home.”
Hlelo: “Kitchen.” Sbonga ran to us from the kitchen and went for Hlanga. that kid
was going to be a problem
Hlanga: “How’s lume’s boy doing?”
Sbonga: “I am fine. How are you and ‘Bow?”
Me: “Wow he sees me.” they laughed and we went to the kitchen and the whole
family was there. “Good people” they all greeted “Mamazi ujeqe ne
nkukhu(steamed bread and chicken). I want some.” I started dishing up with no
care in the world, the Gumede house was my second home. When I was satisfied I
moved Alime from his chair “Suka(move)!” poor boy moved
Mamazi: “You have an appetite there Thingo lwenkosazane.”
Me: “Mmmh!! Ngiphuma ezweni lesomiso(I come from the land of famine).” They
laughed at me “This is so good.”
Ndalo: “I am sure, it is.” I was enjoying that meal guys and everyone was busy
conversing about whatever.
Mamazi: “Anything to drink.”
Me: “Do you have stoney?”
Mamazi: “No but we can get it for you.”
Hlanga: “Haibo!”
Mamazi: “Get the damn stoney.”
Me: “Thank you so much mamazi, it was amazing.”
Mamazi: “Okay baby, your stoney is coming.” She was such a mother, I felt loved
Hlelo: “You were really hungry.”
Me: “I was plus that was good food. Uphi ubaba(where's baba)?”
Hlelo: “Patio.”
Me: “Okay. Thanks again.” Hlanga and I went to the patio. “Baba.” We hugged
Baba: “Thingo.” He looked at Hlanga “hehe ngiyalingwa(I am being tested).” I was
a bit lost “Sobuye sikhulume(we'll talk later).” he pointed at my beast and Hlanga
rubbed his bald head in a shy manner. That didn't happen very often. “Take a sit
please.” We did, I needed it. “So this envelope entails everything we found on
your father.”
Me: “Everything?”
Baba: “Everything. I wanted you to know what you getting yourself into when you
decide to pursue this.” He was still holding on to the envelope “Before I hand it
over to you, id suggest you gather both your families and open it together.”
Me: “Haibo, are we siblings?” He laughed. He made it sound that way.
Hlanga: “That’s impossible.”
Baba: “I am saying this because whats in here is big so do it.”
Hlanga: “Tongaat is quite far and I kinda want to open the envelope now.” I
wasn’t as eager as he was, I was really scared. All of a sudden things started
moving slow and my chest started closing
Me: “I caa… cant breathe.” I held on to my chest
Baba: “Count down from 10 for me.”
Me: “10, 9 uhm hoo 8 …2, 1.” I was calming down. Mamazi came with stoney
Mamazi: “its okay. It was just panic attack.” I nodded still trying to catch my
breath, Hlelo bought in water “have some water.”
Me: “I want stoney.”
Mamazi: “Of course.” She gave it to me and it quenched my thirst.
Me: “I am scared.”
Hlanga: “You don’t have to be. We can found out later.” I needed to move on
from my father guys. I was getting panic attacks from this whole thing
Me: “No, I am done running or avoiding this.”
Baba: “Okay, I’ll get the jet ready.”
Me: “You have a jet? Hawu.” They laughed at me “Get the jet ready baba.” I was
so excited. I stood up and went to find Hlelo, she had a lot of explaining to do. I
found her on the phone but she hung up the minute she saw me. "Why are you
behaving like a teenager. Gugulethu do you have a man?" She laughed
Hlelo: "Not at all. It's nothing man."
Me: "If you say so." I sat on her bed "So how did you miss the part where you
mention your family owning a jet?”
Hlelo: “Why would I talk about the family jet Thingo? Its not food or men. And its
not ME!” That was my friend for you. We laughed, money wasn’t something she
made a big deal of, it was normal to her. Hlelo wasn’t your typical rich kid.
Me: “You have a point there. Anyway get ready we are going to Tongaat with the
jet.” She giggled
Hlelo: “Okay, do I have to look some type of way or?”
Me: “I am the married one so give me a lose dress and you can dress however.”
And my friend and I changed and she handed me one of her handscarfs. We went
downstairs and I found Hlanga and baba having a very deep conversation “Ready
when you are.”
Baba: “Okay. Travel safely.”
Me: “Oh hell no! Excuse the language. We are all going, I am not doing this
alone.” They all looked at me as if I am crazy “We are all going!!! I will be outside,
its hot in here.” I went to stand outside next to Hlanga’s car after a while
everyone got in the cars and we drove to the airport. We boarded and that jet
was a house bakwethu “Its amazing. Can I live in here?”
Lakhe: “Of course.” He said chuckling and I meant it. It had white seats with
brown shiny furniture.
Sasa: “Its amazing right?” I nodded with so much excitement. We landed in
Durban and we were met by Bab’ Mnqobi. He handed baba car keys and left.
Mamazi: “We’ll ride in the family car.” They had a family car? It was
understandable though, they were a big family. It was a whole sprinter, custom
made. With their names and everything. This family was something else.
Hlanga: “I asked ubaba to fetch your aunt and uncle and we’ll meet them at
home.”
Me: “Okay. Baby what if he is some monster who cuts people’s toes.” He laughed
“Don’t laugh people are crazy Hlangalezwe.”
Hlanga: “Well lucky for us we have a public prosecutor, Angithi MaGumede.”
Hlelo: “We’ll take him down.” I laughed, these two supported each others crazy
ideas. After a while Hlanga started directing Baba to the farm.
Mamazi: “This place is amazing. Look at how green the trees are”
Malo: “Oh nkosi yam please don’t suggest us hiking or camping here.”
Sasa: “Mamazi I am not interested. The woods don’t deserve me.” I laughed, Sasa
was the family diva and a popular one at that. Her Instagram was so interesting, I
was obsessed with it.
Baba: “Oh we are coming.”
Hlelo: “I am a diabetic I don’t think I am allowed.”
Mamazi: “Qwabe they are hurting my feelings. Deal with them!” She faked cried
Me: “I am up for camping.” Baba stopped the car
Baba: “whoever is too good for the woods or with the sugar disease, out of my
car.” I was laughing so hard now, this family wasn’t normal.
Hlanga: “Angeke sifike lasiyakhona(we won't get where we are going).” we
laughed
Sasa: “I didn’t say I wont go, I just said I am too good for the woods.” The car
carried on moving.
Hlelo: “My sugar levels are fine.”
Mamazi: “Look at that. Baba wenza izinto zenzeke(baba makes things happen).”
She laughed. I loved her man, Mamazi was more of a friend than a mother but at
the same time you felt the motherly love from her.
Them: “Mxm!”
Ndalo: “Mamazi you are a bully.” She was about to say something “I guess its okay
since you mothered all of us.”
Alime: “She has power somehow.”
Hlelo: “A mother knows best.” They were torturing her and I was enjoying that
scene
Hlanga: “I think mamazi is crying.” He whispered. Some how that made me want
to cry. I was really emotional that day.
Mamazi: “Fine you win!!”
Hlanga: “Siphosethu what the hell?” he wiped my tears.
Me: “Leave me alone.” I was really crying “Kanti asisafiki yin(When are we getting
there).”
Hlanga: “We are almost there.” We got to the farm and Hlanga led us to the main
house. Baba was doing so much better.
Me: “Ma, Baba. This is my serrogate family oGumede.”
Bab’ Gumede: “Mthethwa. Nyambose.” They shook hands “Singabakwa Gumede
thina eBergville kodwa sibaningi eThekwini. Sijabulelela ukunazi(We are the
Gumedes originally from Bergville but we also reside in Durban.”
Baba: “Sibonge Qwabe(Thank you).”
Me: “mamazi, baba this is my uncle and my aunt. They raised me.” they also
shook hands
Hlanga: “bantu abadala(Elders) uSiphosethu made the decision to find her father
with the help ka Bab’ Gumede. He also adviced us to gather you and we open the
envelope together as a family.”
Ma: “Oh nkosi. Kubi ngaleyo ndlela(Is it that bad)?”
Bab’ Gumede: “Seniyozihlaziyela nina boNyambose(You'll have make your own
assessment on the matter). Thina sizoneseka nje(We are only here as support).”
Mamazi: “Singaba Gumede sazitholelea indodakazi kuThingo lwenkozane so sila
size ngaye(We as the Gumedes found a daughter in Thingo and we are here
because of her).” you should have seen my aunt's face, she wasn't happy at all.
Baba: “Hawu saze sajabula ukuzwa kuth uzitholelela umndeni olunge kangaka(We
are so happy to hear that she's found a good family to look out for her).”
Bab’ Gumede: “Nazi ke izindaba(Here's the truth).” He handed Hlanga the
envelope.
Hlanga: “Are you ready?” I nodded. He opened the envelope and we started
reading everything together. He did his due diligence. Pictures, family true. Wow!
Me: “This is crazy.”
Hlanga: “Tjoh!!” he handed it to his parents who later gave it to my uncle
Baba: “This changes everything.”
A.N: “Haibo kanjan?” she was disappointed
Me: “I am dreaming right?” everyone kept quiet. “I need some air.” I stood up and
went outside. I started crying next thing ma and mamazi were comforting and
hugging me
Ma: “I don’t think this changes anything. You are still my daughter.” I needed to
hear that. Hlelo joined the mommys of course my aunt will never comfort me.
Me: “Please call Hlanga for me.”
Hlelo: “Okay.” She went to the house and came with him
Me: “Take us to the beach please.” He nodded and went to the house he took one
of baba’s cars and we left “Please stop I need something eat.” We stopped at a
spaza shop, he gave me money and I went crazy. From ghetto snacks to ice pops
and we went to the beach
Hlanga: “Baby talk to me.”
Me: “Baby I don’t know what to say. Ngithini Nyambose. I am not a princess
because I have never felt like one.”
Hlanga: “Your father is Inkosi yoMzinyathi baby, your blood is royalty so you are.
You may not have lived like one but you are.” I was eating the shit out of the
those spicy snacks “I know its messed up but I am glad you didn’t because we
wouldn’t be here.”
Me: “Me too.” I wouldn't have met him had I grew up with my parents. Things do
happen for a reason.
Hlanga: “Angipha(can I please have)?”
Me: “hayi Hlangalezwe why didn’t you buy your own?” I really didn’t want to
“No!”
Hlanga: “Okay.” he surrendered
Me: “Now that I know, I don’t know I have more questions.”
Hlanga: “With good reason. You can go ask him.”
Me: “We can go and ask him.”
Hlanga: “Of course.”
Me: “Hlanga I have siblings.”
Hlanga: “You do.” He said with a smile. I think that’s the part I was happy about. I
have always wanted them. Seeing Hlelo and Bheka and even my husband with
theirs, I always felt left out.
Me: “Lets go back, we don’t want to keep them waiting.” We drove back to the
house and they were still there and Banele and Mpilo back from wherever “You
are eating without me.” I sulked
Mamazi: “What do you want baby?”
Me: “I want meat and lots of it.”
Sasa: “I want ghetto chips ‘Bow.”
Me: “No. go buy your own.” She seemed shocked by response. I was serious.
Hlanga: “I will take you to the spaza nam ungincishile(she also refused).”
Me: “Mxm!! Leave me alone.” My food came bought by ma “Thank you ma.
Mamazi siphi lesa stoney?” she nodded with a smile. She was kind like Hlelo’s
mother. These woman were stuck with whether they liked it or not. I needed that
stoney so my food could down properly
Mamazi: “Its coming, eat so long.” I dived in
Hlelo: "Excuse me" she left the room
Lonhle: "I'll go buy the stoney."
Me: "Thanks." He left. He has grown so much. I was really sad to hear that him
and Bokang ended. Hlanga and Sasa came back with ghetto chips followed by
Mpilo and Hlelo with my stoney. "You took forever man Mpilonhle!!" I snapped
and took the 2l and went to pour me some in the kitchen
Lonhle: "Sorry I got distracted."
Me: "Mxm!" I went back to the living room “After my exams id like us to drive to
eNquthu and hear what he has to say.”
Baba: “Are you sure about this Siphosethu?”
Me: “I am baba. I have so many questions that only he can answer.”
Ma: “We support you. Whatever you need.”
Me: “Ngyabonga ma. Nani bo Gumede.” I looked at my uncle “Nakuwe malume
ngindlulisa ukubonga. I know you promised my mother that I wont pursue this but
I need this.”
U.S: “Njengoba eseshilo uNyambose, we are here to support every decision you
make.”
A.N: “Sesicela indlela Mthethwa(We'd like to leave).”
Baba: “of course. Let me drive you back.”
Me: “Nathi sesiyindlela baba (we are also leaving)”
Hlanga: “Impela baba. We’ve kept the Gumedes for too long.”
Mamazi: “Suka we are never too busy for the Mthethwas noma usuyasxosha
Nyambose?”
Hlelo: “uBhuti does that mamazi. He is very discreet about it.” She laughed
Hlanga: “Gugulethu uzokhala.” She was still laughing
Bab’ Gumede: “We’ll have to wait for airspace.”
Mamazi: “How long?”
Bab’ Gumede: “About 3 hours.”
Me: “Can I go lie down kancane nje?” I was okay leaving them. Mamazi seemed to
be getting along well with ma and the babas.
Ma: “It has been a stressful day, rest and we’ll wake you up when its time to
leave.”
Me: “Thank you. Woza Hlangalezwe.” We went to our room and I threw myself on
the bed “Cuddle me.”
Hlanga: “But I don’t feel like sleeping.”
Me: “You made me get use to those beast arms now deal with needy me. Hlanga I
am too sleepy to fight with you, please.” We got into bed and I dosed off the
minute I put my head on the pillow and felt Hlanga’s arms around me.

»42«
CONTINUED
NDUMISO
To be honest I didn't like the way things were. I was dying knowing that I wasn't
going to wake up with my wife in my arms probably ever again because she was
failing to see things from my perspective. Starting over wasn't something I was
prepared for but I really wasn't happy and in order to find happiness I had to take
myself out of the equation.
Nathan: "Ndumiso can I trust you to handle this, id do it myself but Azande is not
coping with Buhle?"
Me: "Of course you can. I'll take Sizwe with me, he's the better negotiator than
me."
Nathan: "That's a better idea actually. I'll email him the details of the auction."
Me: "So this it vele? Is this what Hlelo wants or is it Qophelo wanting to control
things as usual?" That man had no boundaries honestly if it were up to him I am
sure he wasn't going let Omuhle marry me and he was really vocal about it.
Nathan: "I didn't ask and I honestly I don't think it matters. Ndumiso you saw how
broken he was when Hlelo was going through what that dog did to her. What
would you have done had it been one of your sisters?" He looked at me waiting
for an answer "I have a daughter now and knowing that guys like Melisizwe exist
has me considering home schooling or whatever that will make sure that she's
safe."
Me: "I understand, it's just that the man has control issues."
Nathan: "Is this still about me asking you to handle buying the James estate or
your marriage?" Both
Me: "I'll handle it. From which account is the money coming from?"
Nathan: "Use the corporation's money. Big guy actually wants it to be in Sbonga's
name but we'll handle that later."
Me: "Okay. I'll see you around then. I can't believe we having a business meeting
at Baby Boom, really Nathan?" I laughed
Nathan: "I needed to buy baby supplies. It's called killing two birds with one
stone. Or 3." Jabu showed up.
Me: "So it's like that now? Baby Boom is the new office." We laughed
Nathan: "Yeah. What do you have for me JB?"
Jabu: "You weren't wrong. Viper, Caleb and Mxolisi are coming for you in all
angles."
Me: "Nathan! This is not good."
Nathan: "I know. My contingency plan wont work. I planned it before the merger
and Azande." He brushed his bald head. Mind you we were standing by the
nappies aisle.
Me: "We need a new strategy. Viper knows our business just like we know his."
Jabu: "He also knows your lives. The guy is not messing around."
Nathan: "Whatever strategy it needs to come with security."
Jabu: "Viper has the police on his side Nathan, security won't be enough."
Me: "Dammit! Nqobani chose the wrong time to disappear. Its all hands on deck
right now."
Nathan: "He's a spy, trained to disappear. He'll resurface when he's ready to." He
had a point and the guy made it really hard for us to find him. And I was good at
finding things to a point where Omuhle asked me why haven't I tried to find my
father. The honest truth was, I didn't see the point, I was fine without him.
Me: "The auction is next week, we need to meet before that so we'll come up
with a plan."
Nathan: "I can work with that. Jabu get me whatever you can while I work my
police contact."
Jabu: "Sure." We shook hands and we left him to his shopping. I had find the boys
and I a place to stay. It was in a safe neighborhood and a short drive to their
school. I was really seeing my plan through. I was done talking and begging
Omuhle to see me. She was living the life she's always wanted without
compromising. I on the other hand have been her cheerleader and supporting her
dreams but to what end? She was very much aware that I never had the luxury to
dream because my sisters needed me to feed them and raise them.
=====
Sizwe: "I still think this divorce thing is a bad idea. You and Omuhle love each
other. You even finish each other's sentences for fuck sakes, you can still fix this
Ndu."
Me: "Sizwe ntwana, love is not enough to stay together. I learnt that first hand. I
don't like this setup and the boys aren't happy as well but its what's best for
everyone. I am never going to get the things I want from Omuhle and I have been
in denial for so long that I am pissed at myself." I should have seen the signs. She
never wanted to have a family with me. Love does blind a person and the fucked
up thing is that if she were to come up to me and tell me she wants us to try have
a family, I'll take her back in a heartbeat. Omuhle was my family. She's the boys
mamiza and that was never going to change.
Sizwe: "Okay, okay let's not get you worked up. How about we hit a strip club I
frequence when I am in Jozi." I laughed "You a free agent now."
Me: "Of course I am. I have missed out on so much. Being a father and the best
husband."
Sizwe: "Ndu, you and I partied enough back in the day and Omuhle saw you
through some of those days. That's why I am saying this is a bad idea." Omuhle
and I have been through a lot and I came with most of our problems
Me: "No one gets me like Omuhle Sizwe, I know that but this is not the life I had
envisioned for us. The sacrifices I have made have cost me more than money and
that's expensive in my books."
Sizwe: "What about her sacrifices Ndu? Have you once thought about her?" Is he
kidding me?
Me: "What sacrifices Sizwe?"
Sizwe: "She's fucken raising your kids Ndumiso. She has sacrificed, just because
her sacrifices didn't come the way you expected them to or wanted them to be
doesn't mean she hasn't sacrificed. You might find that there are things she didn't
even tell you about because she's making this marriage work." Maybe he had a
point. A 3rd eye in this matter wasn't bad because I was emotionally involved.
"Imagine if she said quit your job Ndumiso. Hers requires her to travel alot and it
messes up with your plans, I agree but yours is high risk, she might even raise
those kids alone because you could drop dead at any moment. Do you think she's
fine about all of this or is it something she had to accept about you?" I had never
thought of things that way. Maybe it was time I heard my wife out. I have been so
angry at her not considering her fears and even her feelings.
Me: "Let's go the strip club. I am not a free agent just yet but looking is not a
crime." We laughed. He was actually there to help me with my furniture and stuff.
Maybe Omuhle and I needed the time apart just to see if this is what we really
wanted and she was my wife, she deserves benefit of the doubt. After setting up
my penthouse we left. And there was so much ass and my dick had other plans. I
hadn't had sex in weeks.
Sizwe: "Here you go." He handed me a stack of notes
Me: "What the fuck Sizwe?"
Sizwe: "They don't take EFTs here." I laughed and we ordered drinks and cigars
and dancers did their thing
Me: "I must say this is so exciting." He laughed at me. I tucked in a R200 note in
her thong. And she started twerking
Sizwe: "Fuck this shit!" He stood up and I looked at him
Me: "What is it, are we leaving already but the party just started."
Sizwe: "That's Grootboom. Yes it is." I looked at him
Me: "He's so fucked up." He was. He was getting lap dances from 5 girls. I stood
up and went to punch him.
Nqobani: "What the fuck!!!" He tackled me to the ground, causing screams and
commotion in the club. Club manager came with bouncers and they kicked us out
Sizwe: "Fuck the both of you. I was there on a job you idiots"
Nqobani: "WHAT WAS THAT FOR NDUMISO?" Was he kidding me, it was a
rhetorical question right?
Me: "YOU HAD US FUCKEN WORRIED, NQOBANI FOR FUCKEN 3 WEEKS, WHILE
YOU WERE WHAT, FUCKING THE WHOLE OF GAUTENG?" his wasn't in his right
mind, I knew that. He lost his family, trust me I was aware but it wasn't an excuse
to be irresponsible "HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO KEEP THIS UP, HUH?"
Nqobani: "I FUCKEN LOST MY FAMILY NDUMISO. AND DON'T TELL ME YOU
UNDERSTAND BECAUSE YOU DONT."
Sizwe: "You right we don't but this is not the way to go either Grootboom.
Shutting out the crew, your family and friends. We are all here to help you get
through this, trust me we are. You are not in this alone."
Nqobani: "I don't know how to move on. I keep going back to that day. I should
have been there sooner. Being with Palesa was a bad idea." The guilt was eating
him alive. "I was never meant to be happy, I get that now."
Me: "That's not true." We sat down on the sidewalk. "My wife usually says there
are four seasons in a year and that means there are four seasons in our lives.
What you going through is just a bad winter. A bad situation but it's not forever
because seasons change as time goes. You'll be happy again, just give it time."
Sizwe: "And you want to divorce her? I'll take her any day trust me."
Me: "Yay!!"
Nqobani: "Thanks guys. I needed to hear that."
Sizwe: "I am leaving you and going back inside. I am here to investigate the judge
that could possibly help take us down with this investigation that's happening." I
guess we can eliminate him from the list since he frequents strip clubs.
Nqobani: "What?? It's really happening?"
Me: "Things are bad Grootboom, they are coming for us."
Nqobani: "That's not happening, not without a fight anyway." I wanted to smile
but it wasn't the time
Me: "You can take all the time you need to grieve your family Nqobani. It's no
shame."
Nqobani: "I've been down for too long Ndumiso. I need to get back up and I have
something to fight for now, our operations." He just needed a purpose. Yes I was
divorcing the Gumede princess but I don't think I'd be able to survive the thought
of her being dead. We called a cab to my place and he crashed on the couch. I
decided to call the boys since their were with Omuhle. They didn't pick up and my
next stop was my wife
Omuhle: "Baby." She was such a snob, accent and everything. I do not know what
attracted Omuhle to me because according to society I was out of her league.
Me: "Hey" I really missed her "Are you and the boys still okay?"
Omuhle: "We are great. We had beach day and later went to the movies. They
made me watch a horror movie Ndumiso." I laughed. My wife was a softie
Me: "Junior loves them."
Omuhle: "I know. I missed you, I missed you even more today with those horror
scenes."
Me: "I miss you too. When I come fetch them we'll talk."
Omuhle: "I was thinking I fly with them. Just to see if they are settled in well.
Mthombeni I don't want the divorce and the boys aren't happy as well." I knew
that. Mpendulo even asked if he had a choice in the matter.
Me: "Baby we'll talk when you get here."
Omuhle: "Okay. I love you"
Me: "I love you too. Can I talk to the boys now."
Omuhle: "Okay." Ndumiso Jnr. was the first to talk about the movie they watched.
Mpendulo was close to his teenage years and he only cared about his phone.
After that call I slept as well. I really missed them, maybe after talk we'll get
through this. Sizwe opened my eyes. Sizwe was my homeboy, we grew up in the
same streets but he joined the game because he was curious, he had an
opportunity to study and be something big but he didn't want to and so I forced
him to get a law degree. He was the crew's lawyer. Maybe Omuhle and I hadn't
been talking, communicating about where we were at in life. All I have ever
wanted was a family, with both parents. I never had that and as much as
Mpendulo and Junior weren't planned but with Omuhle they were my family but I
also wanted Omuhle's blood. She was the one thing I did right in my life.
NQOBANI
My family was gone and they were not coming back, I was aware of that fact but
the pity in people's eyes didn't make things easy for me nor did my friends taking
shifts at babysitting me. I was a fucken grown ass man and I could handle my shit.
Mimi and Njabulo were the best of me and they'll forever hold a huge part in my
life but I wasn't going to stop living. The pity party was over and it was time to
startover without them. Yes I was down but it was time to get back up, that's
what a soldier does.
Me: "All of you get out of my apartment!!" And it started by getting rid of
whoever these people were. It was girls I found in Rosebank the previous night. "I
said leave now!!" They jumped and found their belongings and left one after the
other. I started cleaning my apartment, I was back to living there, I knew no one
was going to check there. The house was too big plus all the memories of the life I
was sharing with Mimi and Njabulo was out in the open, there was no escaping it.
After Ndumiso and Sizwe giving me the piece of their minds, I had to grieve my
family the proper way. With the help of family and friends and my job. I had been
spending my days and sometimes my nights at the cemetery drinking myself to
death. The guilt, the hurt was too much for me but I couldn't give up. Knowing I
had people who had been looking for me and worried about me, I had a fighting
chance at being happy again. After cleaning up, I showered and got dressed. I
drove to Rustenburg to check up on my sister and her family.
Sihle: "Malume!!" She has grown so much but she was fat, she couldn't even run
properly
Me: "Mshana! Look malume bought for you." I gave her a plastic of junk food.
Sihle: "Shhh don't tell mommy."
Me: "Your secret is safe with me." She giggled while she opened her
marshmallows.
Tumi: "It's been a while." We shook hands
Me: "Life."
Tumi: "I am sorry about Mimi and Njabulo."
Me: "Thanks man."
Tumi: "Lihle is at work. Its actually her first day today." What? I didn't even know.
Wow, I was the worst big brother.
Me: "I didn't know." We sat and spoke about their life and whatever Sihle was
telling me about. She was really happy to see me. Eventually Cebo showed up
Cebo: "You know how to stress a person Nqobani. Are better now, that's all I care
about."
Me: "I am trying."
Cebo: "That's enough for me. We are here Nqobani and we are not going
anywhere."
Me: "I know and thank you."
Cebo: "Are you staying the night?"
Me: "No I actually wanted to check on Lwazi and drive to Bloem to check on Sne."
Cebo: "Okay. Update me even though we speak everyday on the phone."
Me: "Okay, I will." We spoke for a while and I later left. Nolwazi was still looking
for a job but she was doing great. We decided to go visit Sne together. She was
also great just 40 days away from her final exams and stressing like hell. I was glad
to know that even in my absence they were still great. After that weekend, I
switched on my phones and I was ready to conquer the world. Of course I was
fully over Mimi dying in my arms but I'll eventually get over it, I just needed to
give myself time.
========
Chance: "Good everyone is here." It was a crew meeting. "We are under attack
and it seems as though they're prepared."
Hlanga: "Well so are we. We are not taking this lying down, if they want our blood
we also want theirs."
Nathan: "Go out there and get us all the leverage you can get. I am talking family,
friends, whatever that we might use against our enemy get it."
Me: "In the meantime Thabo and I will be talking security. Whoever you feel
might be leverage against you tell us and Thabo we'll assign a bodyguard." They
were shocked "If any of you have a problem, well I don't care. If you need to come
clean to your family do it" I was looking at Hlanga and Nathan
Chance: "That we'll be all guys." He came to me "Which security company did you
use."
Me: "This one. They're good, best actually."
Chance: "Okay. I don't want them touching my wife Nqobani."
Me: "I gave them rules. No contact with the families." It was for the best.
Conversation was a distracting.
Nathan: "Are you trying to have me killed?"
Hlanga: "How will I explain a bodyguard to my wife Nqobani?"
Me: "That's none of my business guys. You've had enough time to let them in.
This is for your own good. They start tomorrow."
Nathan: "Can they tail them for a while until, I speak to Azande."
Me: "That's not a good idea. Thabo was tailing Mimi and look at me." It was the
truth "Id advice them driving in their bulletproof cars."
Hlanga: "Just for the month at least."
Me: "Okay. I'll talk to your detail." They seemed scared, it was actually fun to
watch. Hlanga and Nathan were fearless, they were risk takers but the thought of
their wives leaving them was something else.

»43«
AZANDE
Nathan: "I called my mothers because baby I honestly don't know what to do."
Buhle was a restless baby. She cried so much and I didn't know what to do, so I
just cried with her. I wasn't coping and it was frustrating me that we weren't
bonding.
Me: "No." I didn't want them to think I wasn't strong enough or I couldn't handle
my own baby. "Let's take her to the doctor."
Nathan: "I don't think they were going to discharge you guys if there was
something wrong." He had a point
Me: "I feel useless Nathan. Why can't I handle my own baby?" I cried so much. I
was so frustrated. He hugged
Nathan: "Calm down baby. You are new at this mother thing, you won't get it
right the first time."
Me: "Okay. Don't call your mothers Nathan. I'll call Bongi." I took my phone from
the charger "Times like these I really miss mama. She would've seen me through
this." It sucked not having her around. Sphe, Sonke and Lethu were growing up
without her, whereas I did. She was the best mother ever. Part of me was really
happy that I got to take care of her when she was still alive and I planned to raise
her kids like she raised me.
Bongi: "Mama ka Ella." I giggled "How are you doing?"
Me: "Not great. Bongiwe I need you, I am not coping with Ella." I was already
teary and with a shakey voice.
Bongi: "Aah I am sorry to hear that babe. Azande ndise Mtata."
Me: "Oh okay. I guess I'll you when you come back." I hung up and cried. Nathan
hugged me, I cried until I have myself a headache and I went to lie down.
Hlelo: "Look who's up. Mommy is up Ella" She had my silent daughter with her.
She seemed okay in her arms. Maybe it was me she didn't want. Ella was my
daughter more than Nathan's. Had my caramel skin and brown china eyes, I was
actually disappointed about that but her hair, my word its big, brown and curly.
Nathan had curly hair, Jaden was proof of that too but my husband cut his bald
every week.
Me: "How do you get her to settle down?"
Hlelo: "You are still new and the hormones are still playing with you." She handed
me her "Feed our Goddess please." I took her and I started breastfeeding "You
shouldn't wait for her to cry for you to change or feed her. Time her and each cry
is different. Babies communicate through their cries. Ella likes attention hence the
endless crying even when she's fed." Wow I was really new at this "Bath time is
her favorite." She said smiling and yes my daughter was all cleaned up and she
smelt amazing.
Me: "Thank you for doing this. I feel like I am failing." My biggest fear was being a
bad mother.
Hlelo: "You are not failing sis Zande, you just a new mother. You do not want to
know the mess I was when Sbonga was a newborn. And my grandmother is
hardcore, she just looked at me struggle, tough love she said. I also cried with
Sbonga sometimes when he wouldn't settle down."
Me: "So I am not a crazy person?" She shook her head "I am learning so much as I
go. This pregnancy has been life changing. From peeing myself to being a cry
baby." We laughed
Hlelo: "That's life I guess. We learn as we grow." After she was done eating I
burped her and put her on my bed. "I think you should sleep with her for a while.
You two were one for 9 months, she still needs that." She said smiling and playing
with her.
Me: "I was teaching her independence hawu. I am going back to work soon."
Hlelo: "That's not fair, she's only 2 weeks old." We laughed. Her coming over was
great help actually
Me: "I guess you'll be sleeping with mommy Ella." She kept on looking around like
she can see. While we were talking Jaden and his father came in. Hlelo and I were
talking and Next thing Jaden slapped Ella and she cried so loud.
Nathan: "Jaden!!"
Jaden: "My sisi" He called me that since Sonke and everyone did and he sat next
to me, between calming down my hysterical daughter, I laughed
Me: "Is Jay Jay jealous?" Nathan and Hlelo laughed as well
Hlelo: "Its too soon for a sibling rivalry Jay Jay."
Nathan: "Buddy this is sisi." He pointed at Ella
Me: "You are confusing him baby." He actually wanted to be held like a baby,
wow! We were going to have a problem here "Please take her while I deal with
him." He took her and Jaden and I went to the kitchen for his snacks "We love
Ella, Jay Jay." He needed to get that, she wasn't going anywhere.
Jaden: "..." he kept on munching her snack
Me: "Ella is your sister Jay and its your job to protect her and love her."
Jaden: "Ella." He pointed at the door. Hlelo and Nathan came in
Me: "We have a problem here."
Hlelo: "A big one. He's used to being the only child in the house."
Me: "Hayike this is harder than I thought." It was because Jaden didn't want to let
go now
Hlelo: "You'll figure it out. Being a parent is tricky sis Zande. Look I have to go
now, I'll see you guys some other time."
Nathan: "Okay. Thank you for coming."
Hlelo: "Anytime. I am actually loving this, me being the experienced one hehe!" I
laughed, she was too much of a happy person "Sis Zande you are doing great,
don't beat yourself up about Ella's attention seeking tactics."
Me: "Okay, thanks again." We hugged and she hugged and kissed the kids and
left.
Me: "Thank you for calling her."
Nathan: "I figured she'll help. Are you okay, baby I am worried about you."
Me: "I am new at this like you said. I am an over-achiever baby, I don't like
failing."
Nathan: "I have noticed that." He said smiling. Nathan was everything and more
guys, supportive and understanding.
Me: "Thank you for being here. Actually thank for everything baby, for loving me
the way that you do. Nathan you picked up when I was down and raised me up."
You all saw what Mxolisi did guys.
Nathan: "Baby you gave me hope in life. Before you I was a boy toy who Sonia and
Ningi and whoever used for entertainment and I was okay with that because I
didn't think I'd find someone like. You are my life Natasha." We hugged together
with the kids
Me: "I love you so much."
Nathan: "We love you so much too."
Me: "Hlelo is right, being a parent is tricky. I just have to toughen up." That
moment made me realize that Hlelo had all these people when she gave birth to
Sbonga and I was all alone and I was a first time parent. My knowledge was
limited to parenting books and magazines. "I don't have a mother to show me
how be a good one and you have 5 of them and it's time I accepted that their are
my mothers too and seek help if I need it. It was pride more than anything."
Nathan: "That's why I called Hlelo, someone I thought you'd relate to. We'll get
through this together, whatever you need I am here with you."
Me: "I know and thank you. First things first, Sonia and I have been planning
Jaden's 2nd birthday party."
Nathan: "It has to be big, it's the first one we get to share one together." He said
smiling, he really loved his son.
Me: "I know, I was thinking we should have it in Durban, for everyone's
convenience."
Nathan: "Works for me. How much do you need?"
Me: "Nathan you already transfer too much money in my account. I don't even
see my salary anymore." Guys I had too much money now and I felt dirty
somehow
Nathan: "It's for our son Azande. I want him to have all the fun in the world on his
birthday."
Me: "Okay."
Nathan: "Talk to Hlelo, she usually throws Sbonga the best birthdays. The other
year there horses and quad bikes. It was so mich fun." I laughed
Me: "Okay I'll talk to her but Jaden is 2 years old, its too soon for quad bikes." We
carried on planning and laughing. Nathan was already spoiling the kids. After
Hlelo showing up and making me realize that I was only human and I needed to
accept that I didn't have everything figured out and it was okay, I felt a whole lot
better and even hopeful. I was going to take each day as it comes with Ella and
Jaden because there was a problem there too.
======
Why was I still entertaining this man? It was crazy nje and I wasn't proud of what I
was doing behind Nathan's back. He was still as good looking as I remember him
to be
Me: "I don't have time, what do you want Mxolisi?" To think at some point, I saw
a future with this man.
Mxolisi: "So you decided to give him a child. I'd say congratulations but I wouldn't
mean it."
Me: "What I do with my life is none of your business anymore Mxolisi." Who does
he think he is?
Mxolisi: "This is common courtesy from someone who cares a great deal about
you. Take your siblings and your daughter and run because I am coming for your
baby daddy. I am going to burn his house down and I'd hate it if you were
collateral damage." He handed me a file "This is proof of what or who you actually
sleep next to at night."
Me: "Mxolisi this is too much now. Why are you doing this?"
Mxolisi: "Are kidding me? This is not being some jealous ex boyfriend. This is me
doing my job and taking down a bad guy. Nxa you are so naive and pisses me off.
He took his things and left the file. The kids and I were at Mugg&Bean while I was
waiting to fetch the older kids from school. I decided to open the file
Me: "Oh nkosi yam!!!" I didn't understand half the things in there but what I
picked up was the financial statements, pictures of Nathan shaking hands with
Nigerian drug dealers and his trucks seized in suspicion with trafficking illegal
firearms, cigars and drugs. Pictures of us and other woman and men written
business partners. "Who is Nathan?" The more I read, the more I doubted that
the man on the file and the man I share a life with are the same person. I couldn't
believe it so I was going to give him benefit of the doubt and let him tell me that
Mxolisi was in actual fact a bitter and jealous ex boyfriend and all this was
fabricated. I refused to see Nathan as some Kingpin or as the file said Pierce's 13
according to the file, he had 13 loyal soldiers in his empire, it was a lot actually. I
closed the file and fed Jaden his potato chips and Ella was drinking filtered water.
I was in constant communication with the gogos, who checked up on us everyday
and asking for pictures and videos. It was great to know I wasn't alone and then
came Sanda and her wedding, I wasn't in the great state of mind to be her Maid
of Honor especially body wise but she wasn't having none of that so I reached out
to a professional
Ntandokazi: "I do not care about anything, I want baby Ella." She said taking her
from her car seat.
Jaden: "Gogo."
Ntandokazi: "And Big Jay Jay. Come give gogo ama huggies." And he smiled, he
was his father's son "Are guys okay?"
Me: "Finally getting the hang of it. But I am here for other issues, my body."
Ntandokazi: "Okay, what do you need?"
Me: "Basically a diet plan breastfeeding friendly and no exercise." She laughed "I
am not the sweaty type sorry."
Ntandokazi: "Okay I'll email you one of my favorites but I'd suggest walking
20minutes on the treadmill a day. Exercise keeps you young and the skin
glowing."
Me: "Just walking?"
Ntandokazi: "Yes, you don't have to overwork your body."
Me: "Okay. I need that diet ASAP because I have to look like I didn't gain 20kgs
during my pregnancy"
Ntandokazi: "Okay I'll hook you up."
Me: "So have you told them?"
Ntandokazi: "I did and my husband decided to buy a house in Joburg now since
my gynae is here. He is so happy my word, I think I am the only one who's worried
because even the kids are excited." She laughed "The twins judged us though,
asking why we were still having sex, imagine?" We laughed
Me: "Haibo, are they kidding me. You not dead, as long as you still alive nje." We
were still laughing
Ntandokazi: "That's what I told them. To think I had them at their age, now their
are judging me mxm."
Me: "What? You had the twin when you were 23?"
Ntandokazi: "Yes. By the time I was 28 I had 8 kids. This one wasn't planned
honestly" she laughed
Me: "Joooh you are strong sisi ngeke. It's a blessing regardless." She was only 10
years older than me but she's been through so much
Ntandokazi: "It is." Part of me wanted to ask if she was aware of what Nathan
does for a living but I needed to ask the horse first. After that chat I went to fetch
the kids from school and we went home. Nathan had a lot explaining to do.
HLELO
Me: "Thank you so much for hooking us up. Say thank you Sbonga." She got us
Presidential suite tickets of the Blue Bulls and Sharks game.
Sbonga: "Thank you Emma." Yes I was with my day 1. I missed her so much. She
was working now and also a rugby player's girlfriend and that meant she traveled
with him.
Emma: "It's my pleasure guys. I really missed you hay. Face time is not enough, I
want hugs and kisses from The King." My son giggled.
Emma: "Come let's take pictures for the gram." And we did. Videos and stories
too. The catch up session was amazing "On other news, Jacques proposed."
Me: "What?? Where's the big rock?" She laughed
Emma: "The jewellers, it was too big. Anyways Hle I am not sure." My eyes
popped, they've been together two years
Me: "Are you kidding me?"
Emma: "Hear me out Hle. I love Jacques, trust me I do its the marriage I am not
sure about. Tony and my mother divorced for whatever reason and apparently
my mother is in the process of her second divorce as well. All I am getting from
all of this is that, marriage doesn't work. I am just scared that once Jacques and I
get married things will change and we'll end up divorcing. I don't want that to
happen because things are actually great right now, we even talking baby names."
Me: "Aaah baby. You have no control over your parents' choices, what they
choose to do has nothing to do with your relationship with Jacques. Since you are
aware of the possibilities that come with marriage, voice them out to him. Discuss
this matter until you find common ground. Tony and your mother are not you and
Jacques so don't even compare your relationship to theirs."
Emma: "I am being silly right?"
Me: "No, you are just aware of what's out there but that doesn't necessarily mean
it will happen to you."
Emma: "You have a point, I'll talk to him."
Me: "I mean if things were based on our parents choices and decisions I'd
probably be married as well and look at me I don't even have a man." We laughed
Emma: "You'll find someone Hle, give it time."
Me: "I don't even care anymore Emmz. I just want to graduate and get a job and
take care of my son."
Emma: "That's a good thing as well."
Me: "That's my focus." We carried on talking we weren't even watching Jacques
play. We laughed and reminisced on the good old days. While we were chatting it
up, Mpilo called, things were, I don't even know what to say so I'll go with weird.
"Let me take this."
Emma: "Okay."
Me: "Hey you."
Mpilo: "You in Pretoria and you don't come to check up on me?" Wow, okay.
Me: "So you don't greet now?"
Mpilo: "Not when I am mad. Where are you so I can pick you up?"
Me: "I am driving and I'll see you some other time."
Mpilo: "You've been drinking Gugulam." Oh yeah he calls me that now. I honestly
didn't know what was happening "I'll take a cab to the stadium so that I can drive
you." It didn't sound like I had a choice plus he was mad, you heard him.
Me: "Oh okay, call when you get here."
Mpilo: "Shap."
Me: "I don't think social media is safe anymore. This adding of the location thing
and posting of our food and drinks. Mpilo just figured out that I am in Pretoria
and drinking." Guys we need to be careful, now that I think about social media
has us exposed
Emma: "But that's the fun part, sharing your memories with friends."
Me: "Well Mpilo is on his way to fetch me now and it sounded like I didn't have a
choice."
Emma: "Don't let him bully you Hlehle, you can say no."
Me: "I know but he's right, I've been drinking and there's Sbonga to think about."
Emma: "You trust him."
Me: "I do." I started telling her about the incident when I was drugged
Emma: "Wow. He sounds like he likes you."
Me: "I am catching that vibe but I'll play naive until.I can't." We laughed "He just
texted that he's here"
Emma: "I guess I'll see you some other time. Call me when you get home."
Me: "Okay, and talk to Jacques Emmz and congratulations on the engagement."
Emma: "Thank you mngan wam." We hugged "I love you and The King."
Me: "We love you too." And we left. We found him at the entrance and my god
Mpilonhle had some aura about him and his style was just adding. He was in a
simple hoody and joggers outfit but he made it look magazine worthy. "Hey." He
hugged me
Sbonga: "Young bhuti." And picked up my son
Mpilo: "How's The King doing?"
Sbonga: "Fine, I was watching rugby." Too much info
Me: "Can we go to the car please." And I led the way.
Mpilo: "Keys." I gave them to him
Me: "It was just two glasses of champagne though."
Mpilo: "A lot of lives are stake now, lets not take chances." We left "I am still mad
at you."
Me: "What did I do?"
Mpilo: "Never mind. Do you guys need anything before we go home?"
Sbonga: "Cheeseburger please and ice cream."
Me: "I am fine."
Mpilo: "Okay" we drove to McDonald's for Sbonga's order
Me: "I'll have the foldover."
Mpilo: "Okay." He ordered and we left.
Me: "I thought we going home."
Mpilo: "We are."
Me: "Mpilo that's the direction to your place."
Mpilo: ".." it was best I kept quiet and watch what happens. We got to his place.
He lived in a 3 bedroom apartment. It needed a woman's touch but not me, I
wasnt his woman.
Sbonga: "Can I play PlayStation."
Mpilo: "Of course. I'll join you."
Me: "Mxm." I went to the bedroom and threw myself on the bed.
Mpilo: "Are you okay?" He threw himself next to me
Me: "I am great actually.
Mpilo: "You've been avoiding me Gugulam"
Me: "Mpilo you kissed me and just disappeared on me without an explanation."
Yup, that happened. It was the time we were in Tongaat.
Mpilo: "I know and I am sorry. I didn't want to come on too strong." Mxm!
Me: "Well I am not interested anymore. Actually I want to go home."
Mpilo: "Not until we talk like grown up."
Me: "How is what you did grown up?" I tried to stand up and he pinned me back
on the bed and got between my legs. Our lips touched, he pulled back and looked
at me
Mpilo: "I am an idiot."
Me: "You are." He smashed his lips on mine and just like that our lips locked and
togues danced with each other. He stopped
Mpilo: "The King." He stood up
Me: "Yes." I fixed my top and weave. I stood up as well. Mpilo didn't know what
he wanted and I wasn't going to push either in fact "I don't think we should be
kissing."
Mpilo: "I am sorry for disappearing."
Me: "That shows that you don't know what you want and I don't either. We
should think things through."
Mpilo: "Okay." He kissed me again
Me: "This is the last time." He chuckled
Mpilo: "mmm" he left the room and I followed him. I watched them play video
games, they got along really well. They played until Sbonga wanted to sleep and
he took the guest bedroom. We slept in one bed, all 3 of us. Mpilo is weird, he
doesn't talk much so he was all dark and mysterious. I enjoyed kissing him, I wont
lie but was it enough for me to pursue this? I didn't have an answer, I needed to
introspect first.

»43«
CONTINUED
MUSA
Ndumiso being open to us talking, gave me hope that maybe talks about divorce
were out of the equation. I also had to think about what Nosipho said, as much as
it kills me to admit it but she was right. I needed to be open with my husband. I
also had to prepare myself for the worst even though I felt at that time my
reasons were justifiable, me keeping it a secret meant I wasn't fully in on my
decision though. Seeing Hlelo with Sbonga and how she was mastering single
parenthood made me actually question my choices but I wasn't going to dwell on
that, I had to focus on what was in front of me.
Mpendulo: "Mamiza are you going to stay the night, and maybe drive us to
school?"
Me: "I'll talk to dad and hear what he has to say." He was fully aware of what was
happening, so lying to him wasn't a good idea. An hour later we landed in Joburg
and my husband was already waiting for us. No matter how hard I tried to change
him, Ndumiso will always be a kasi boy. He was leaning against his car with his
bucket hat covering half of his face and biting his match stick.
Me: "Hey." We hugged and it was a long and needed one
Ndu: "Hello. Bafana bam." He brushed their heads "Bags in the boot." And they
listened. He opened the front passenger door for me and we left.
Me: "Mpendulo wants me to drive them to school."
Ndu: "No problem." He took my hand "We need to talk so please spend the
night." My clit jumped for joy. I was definitely getting some. Ndumiso was the
only man I was ever going to sleep with.
Me: "Are you sure?" Resist a little.
Ndu: "I am."
Me: "Okay." He drove us to a very nice penthouse but it needed my touch. Being
raised by Ntandokazi somehow you inherited her eye for detail and order but it
was something I'll handle when the boys were at school. They took their bags to
the room and I got comfortable on the couch "This is really nice, better than our
apartment." Why we didn't own a house was a mystery to me. There were a
whole lot of cracks in my marriage and household, I admit that.
Ndu: "You the only one missing in it." Aaah he was as hopeful as I was.
Me: "Baby I know I haven't been present as you needed me to be, I take full
responsibility for that. Can we maybe hold off the divorce and actually talk about
what needs to change so we can be happy again. The boys are suffering and I
don't like that."
Ndu: "Okay I am open to that, it won't take a day for us to talk things through."
He was right and the fucked up thing is the season was about to start but my
marriage was on the line here. Hockey wasn't warming up my bed and it definitely
wasn't looking at me with lustful eyes at that moment. I was in my denim shots
and a vest with a long floral kimono and it didn't take much for Ndumiso to be
turned on, my thighs were his weakness.
Me: "I am aware baby."
Ndu: "I am based in Joburg now Omuhle, our lives are here. So if we are fixing
things you have to consider that." Things were more complicated now. "You are
not a full time mother or wife Omuhle. I was okay with that back then because
were still young and there were certain things you needed to achieve and fulfill.
I've never been the guy who didn't support you or who stood in your way." No he
has not. He was actually my cheerleader more than anyone
Me: "I know baby."
Ndu: "Baby I want kids with you, I want spontaneous trips or wake you up with
breakfast every morning." I giggled, he likes cooking and he was a better cook
compared to me. " I know you eat and breathe hockey and it's always been part
of this marriage but all I am asking is that you choose me once in a while. Choose
the boys that you love so much." It has come to that huh? It killed me having to
hear him beg me to choose him. It wasn't right
Me: "Okay. I understand where you coming from." I took his hands and kissed
them "I love you baba ka Mpendulo, I do. You shouldn't have to ask me to choose
you and the boys. You should know you come first, just like I know we do to you. I
am not proud of this and its changing." It should be instinct, yes hockey was my
life but that was before the life I was sharing with Ndumiso. I can't believe I have
been so selfish. The past week without them made me realize that dreams are
just dreams and they can change anytime and at some point in your life you have
to ask yourself is the dream worth it? And to be honest it wasn't anymore if
Ndumiso was the price I had to pay. "Baby I am sorry for baba, I shouldn't have
involved him but I am his princess Ndumiso and he always solves problems for me
and you not talking to me was a problem."
Ndu: "Your twisted relationship with your father is something I'll never
understand but maybe if I had a daughter I would but I get it. The problem is
when he thinks he has control over my house Omuhle, that I have a problem with
and only you can call him to order." I nodded, he was right. I handled the situation
poorly I admit that "Him and I will never be friends, because I am the guy who he
helped out and later married his daughter and I can live with that but he has no
say in our marriage Musomuhle."
Me: "It will never happen again, I promise you sthandwa sam."
Ndu: "Okay. Kiss me." I giggled and went over to kiss my man. "I missed you so
much, I don't like this set up Omuhle."
Me: "I missed you too and you know I don't."
Ndu: "Yeah you've been telling me."
Me: "Baby you know my mother died, right?" He nodded "Well the story is, she
died giving birth to me. Its was a complicated pregnancy and the doctors said it
was either her or me, and I had a better chance of survival."
Ndu: "I didn't know that's how she died." Its not something I spoke about. Having
to tell people that my mother died so I could live wasn't something I could talk
about without crying. Tears were already streaming down my face but I gathered
the strength to tell my story "I spent most days with my great grandmother since
my grandmother was a nurse and she worked weird hours and my mother's
family wanted nothing to do with me, I was a reminder of the daughter they lost.
MaShandu did her best at raising me and I am grateful but I still had that longing
for a mother's love. Then mamazi came and she was the best mother I had ever
envisioned having, she went above and beyond for me like a mother does for her
child." I wipe my tears. She really was the best mother a child could ask for. Her
coming to our life was probably the best thing for the Gumede family because
things changed at her arrival. "The point I am trying to make baby is that, I am
scared of having my own children. I have this fear that history might repeat itself
and I will never get to meet my child and it will never get to experience my love.
The fear is so deep Ndumiso to the point that I am really okay with us not having
kids and me being a surrogate mother to the boys. My surrogate mother was the
best and I believe I have taken after her because the boys are mine."
Ndu: "Baby, why didn't you say anything."
Me: "Me talking about it meant me opening about a whole lot of things like the
fact that I believe that surrogate parents give better love than biological ones, I
say this because Qophelo is not my biological father but he's so invested in my life
more than my biological father is." My life is fucked and I think its part of the
reason why I chose to focus more on hockey than family.
Ndu: "Baby until you overcome your fear, we can't move forward."
Me: "I know." I was aware of that fact "I am being considered for an assistant
coach position for the male hockey team" and his face changed to disappointed "I
am not going to take it baby, I am choosing my family and if I have to move to
Johannesburg so be it but NJ and I hate Joburg, know that." He laughed
Ndu: "NJ loves sea breeze. We'll see maybe next year since I moved them in the
middle of the year."
Me: "We are buying a house as well."
Ndu: "Of course." He took me under his arm and kissed my forehead "You don't
have to be scared alone, I am here. Okay?"
Me: "Okay and thank you baby." We kissed and I missed it so much. Now was the
perfect time to come clean about the abortion right? Instead his hand went under
my vest and went to squeeze my boob and my attention moved to something
else. Things were escalating by the minute, he scooped me up from the couch and
carried to the bedroom bridal style. It reminded me of the good old days
whenever I flew to Durban just to see him without my parents' knowledge of
course, he'd scoop me up and turn around with me at the airport in front of
everyone and says "Just like in the movies." Yeah my husband is corny guys. We
took each other's clothes off and we had make up sex, the best kind. It was rough
then it was love making and it was so intense, I lost the sense of my legs at some
point. He has never given it to me like that. After 4 rounds we rested
Me: "You are full of surprises Mthombeni." I kissed his tattoo of my name. I also
had one, it was on my ring finger. I actually took it the idea from Mamazi, hers
was "Qwabe" and their wedding date. Mine his "Ndumiso" and his birthday.
Ndu: "I was starving." We kissed and things were getting exciting again, I had to
stop him
Me: "Let's go check on the boys." We got out of bed and I went to find his gown
"Baby you know I love you right?" He chuckled
Ndu: "I love you too baby." He came towards me. It was now or never.
Me: "In the name of full disclosure, uhm!"
Ndu: "Is everything okay, I thought we talked everything out."
Me: "Not entirely, umh you remember the time when you were still using." Yes
Ndumiso was a drug user, cocaine to be exact.
Ndu: "Omuhle that's in the past. I'll never put us through that again."
Me: "I know but after the weekend of your overdose, I found out I was pregnant
."
Ndu: "WTF Musomuhle, that was almost 13 years ago. Why didn't you tell me
sooner?"
Me: "I know."
Ndu: "So you lost it?" He came and held my face
Me: "No baby, I terminated. I was scared Ndumiso and" his face changed, he was
infuriated
Ndu: "GET OUT MUSOMUHLE BEFORE I KICK YOU OUT!!!!"
Me: "Baby please hear me out."
Ndu: "I SAID OUT!!!" He took my clothes from the floor and threw them at me.
Me: "Baby please let me explain."
Ndu: "THE ONLY EXPLANATION I'LL UNDERSTAND IS IF YOU COME BACK HERE
WITH MY BABY" He pushed me out of the penthouse and threw my clothes
together with my handbag followed by my shoes. I was hysterical, the boys were
watching and it broke me that they saw us like that. "STAY AWAY FROM US,
MURDERER!!!" Maybe I made a mistake by coming clean. Things were looking
good for us.
Me: "Ndumiso please!!" I banged the door. I cried until I had no voice. I didn't
even get to say goodbye to my boys. After he called me a murderer, there was
little to no chance of us getting back together. He didn't even let me explain why I
made that decision. The honest truth was we were both not ready to be parents.
Ndumiso was raising his sisters and doing drugs at the same time and I was still in
varsity and on a hockey scholarship. There was no room for a baby, our plates
were full. I called Masilakhe to come pick me up and we drove to their house "I
don't want to talk about it."
Lakhe: "Okay." He carried on driving "If he can throw you out naked, I don't think
you should be crying over him." He was being dramatic, I was still in his gown, yes
I was naked underneath it but I was covered.
Me: "He's just angry and he has every right to be."
Lakhe: "It still doesn't justify what he did. Wrong or right you are still his wife and
he should treat you as such."
Me: "..." I understood where he was coming from "Please don't tell anyone that
you found me in his gown." I was busy dressing up at the backseat
Lakhe: "I'll post it on social media so that everyone knows how crazy he really is."
Me: "Lakhe come on, he's still my husband."
Lakhe: "Just sign the divorce papers, he doesn't deserve you." My brothers didn't
like Ndumiso and it was baba's influence. We got home and it was a full house
Me: "I hear congratulations are in order." She really was pregnant, her face was
all round now
Mamazi: "I suppose so. Come on judge away." I laughed
Me: "No judgement."
Baba: "That's a first." We all laughed.
Me: "Okay fine. Really guys you still do it." It wasn't a shocker though. They still
loved each after so long so sex was guaranteed.
Alime: "That's what I said. Ewwwu!" We laughed.
Mamazi: "Qwabe they are so mean." She sulked, she was about to cry.
Hlelo: "Guys come on."
Baba: "Leave my wife alone Musa no Alime." I went to hug her
Me: "I love you, how about I take you out tomorrow? Where do you want us to
go?"
Mamazi: "Alime took me this other place they make delicious amagwinya."
Me: "What?" I couldn't believe it "You and amagwinya?" She nodded smiling, she
was aging gracefully and still beautiful "Okay we'll go." Being with my family
distracted me but Ndumiso wasn't going to avoid me forever, even if he was
divorcing me. The funny thing is, in all this I still had the hope that our love was
unique and it conquered everything.

»44«
NATHAN
Mxolisi "son of a bitch" Sibeko!!!! Who does he think he is, the idiot was on to
me. How did I miss this? He basically had figured out some of my operations, it
was a matter of time before he figured out the rest, and it wasn't going to
happen. I refuse to let him win, yes he had the law on his side and he had to
follow it whereas in my world there were no rules and I didn't have a problem
dropping bodies if it was necessary. Back to my wife, we'd been staring at each
other after she threw the file on my face, she was angry and I didn't have a plan, I
was caught off guard, woah woah wait...
Me: "Azande you still in contact with your ex?" I managed to come up with this.
Her anger subsided. My problems were bigger than her talking to that loser but it
still wasn't right.
Azande: "He came to me Nathan. He said he has information I needed to see."
And she went, is my wife stupid?
Me: "No Azande you went to him. You drove yourself and my kids to your bitter
ex boyfriend." Her detail alerted me on her whereabouts but the file was a total
shocker.
Azande: "This wasn't about me Nathan, is everything in the file true?" I was going
to use this against her, I had an advantage over this situation.
Me: "Azande is Mxolisi the 3rd person in our marriage, please tell me so I can take
my bags and leave. 1. Meeting up with him was a "fuck you" to my face and you
have the nerve to take my kids with you. You don't respect me Azande, how do
you think this makes me feel, do you even care?" Guilt followed, I had power over
her now
Azande: "Of course I care Nathan
Me: "Your actions say otherwise and 2. You like his attention and its time we both
admitted that because somehow he always manages to influence you and you
doubt me as your man. And yes everything in the file is true now go tell him that if
he wants to play it this way I am coming for him, nxa!!" I stood and went for the
door "And have wine or whatever you do together!!"
Azande: "Nathan!" She was on the verge of crying
Me: "Yini Azande, huh? Yes this is all true. I am this man and worse."
Azande: "I can't accept that, I don't think I understand it, what you doing is illegal
and dangerous. Nathan you could die." She wasn't wrong about that.
Me: "..."
Azande: "Why are you doing this? You know what I don't care. The wedding is off
Nathan."
Me: "That's not happening. We are getting married in 2 months Azande."
Azande: "No we are not. I won't marry a kingpin or whatever you are, I refuse. In
fact the kids and I are moving out." WTF??
Me: "Classic Azande. She runs away when things don't go her way. This is why I
don't let you in on things. You didn't even try to understand, you just think of
leaving." She didn't even ask why I was doing this. "You are not taking the kids.
This is their home, if you want to leave be my guest. One thing I can guarantee
you is that, no one will ever love you like me Azande." I took my keys and left. I
still had the file with me. I needed to focus on taking Mxolisi down, that task force
wasn't going to make it to 3rd month. I drove to Lwando's place, as usual he had a
girl over. I gave him the file and just like me he was shocked
Lwando: "They are on to us and Nathan I can't access anything on their files,
everything is encrypted or its locked up somewhere."
Me: "We need to focus on the head."
Lwando: "Mxolisi?"
Me: "Yes. We need to discredit him somehow. He has to lose his credibility and
his reputation. That's how I want to play it, us killing him now will be obvious."
Lwando: "You'll be their first suspect since he's investigating you."
Me: "Exactly."
Lwando: "And Viper?"
Me: "Viper's day is coming. He chose to even work with this idiot so if he goes
down we basically cripple Viper and we are killing him and taking whatever he has
with us."
Lwando: "Viper is big in the human trafficking business and Nathan we don't do
that, that's the line we vow never to cross."
Me: "We'll handle it like we did with the Nigerians, the UN will deal with that."
Lwando: "Okay so what's the plan, how are we handling this?"
Me: "We first need leverage."
Lwando: "Mxolisi is a rich kid, let's tap into that family fortune."
Me: "That's what I was thinking. Caleb is also in on this so I am buying Sibeko
Coal. I still have all the evidence to the cover ups and embezzlement that he had
been doing."
Lwando: "That's a better idea, I would've said let's kill Caleb to send his son a
message about dropping the investigation." It wasn't a bad idea actually
Me: "I'll talk to the rest of the guys, your plan is much better and quicker than
mine. The sooner Mxolisi backs off the better but I am still buying the coal mine."
Lwando: "Its a good investment." It was.
Me: "I'll gather the team up tomorrow morning, you should be there."
Lwando: "Of course." We shook hands and my phone rang. It was Sphe
Me: "Sphesihle."
Sphe: "Bhuti sisi is packing and she said we should pack too, where are we going
because she's not saying anything. She's just crying." Eish!
Me: "Don't pack anything, I am on my way." I didn't have a plan on how to calm
her down because I was in the wrong. I didn't prepare her and fully let her in on
my life. I needed time to come up with a plan
Alime: "Whats up big bro." We bro hugged, yes I drove to the Gumede house
Me: "Shap Shap. Are the parents around?"
Lakhe: "They live on the other street now."
Me: "What?"
Lunathi: "Yeah they bought a house there since mamazi sees the doctor every
week."
Me: "Okay, walk me to the house."
Them: "Sure." We all took the walk to the new house. It was classic Qophelo to
buy a house in the same estate as his kids. He might have been a monster in our
world, but to his kids he was the best. The boys looked up to him and I certainly
wanted to be that father to my kids.
Hlelo: "Big Brother Nathan is the house!!!"
Sbonga: "Woo! Woo! Woo!" They high-fived. I laughed their relationship was
great.
Ntandokazi: "They've been doing this all day, its annoying." We hugged "What
brings you here so late?"
Qophelo: "Nathan Ella is a month old, she needs your full attention." They gave
me the speech of being a present father from day 1.
Me: "I know. I need your help." I looked at the kids "Please give us a moment,
Hlelo please go check on my wife while I talk to the grown ups."
Lakhe: "We'll go with her."
Me: "Cool." They all left including Sbonga. "I am in shit!"
Qophelo: "What is it?"
Me: "I am being investigated." Their eyes popped "Its bad, there's a task force and
everything set out to take me down. And the guy heading this task force is Azande
ex." Ntandokazi laughed and Qophelo and I were confused.
Ntandokazi: "I am sorry, this is serious." She tried keeping a straight face but she
failed.
Qophelo: "Zusakhe come on."
Ntandokazi: "I am sorry, it just the irony of the situation is funny."
Me: "Mxm! Anyway he gave Azande a file on the evidence they have against me
so far. He has me figured out mostly because he's working with Viper."
Ntandokazi: "Let me guess, you didn't tell her what you actually do for a living and
she found out from the ex?" I nodded "Her ex is looking out for her, how sweet."
She was laughing, it's no secret that she hated our other life.
Qophelo: "If you are not going to be helpful Zusakhe, thula!"
Ntandokazi: "Mxm. Azande is allowed to have a reaction, even if it's to leave you.
First born, you lied to her, sold her some fairy tale that's not even true. You have
no control over her and accept that."
Us: "Never!"
Qophelo: "She can't leave him. If she really loves him like she said she does then
she must stay."
Me: "I don't see how what I do for a living has to do with my marriage. I mean I
have been able to put up a front for this long, it's clear that it's not much of a
factor."
Ntandokazi: "Until you went to jail and she had to deal with her pregnancy alone.
Who's to say, you won't go to jail for whatever evidence they have on you?"
Qophelo: "As his wife and mother of their kids she should stay and try and figure
things out."
Me: "Exactly. Till death do us part. For better or for worse."
Ntandokazi: "Wena Qophelo just because I chose to stay doesn't mean Azande
should as well. She has a choice and she gets to make it, without you telling her
otherwise and you need to accept it."
Me: "I came here because I needed your help in making her see that there's hope
and we'll make it, like you guys did."
Qophelo: "We'll talk to her once she's calm down." He was really supportive
Ntandokazi: "No we wont. Nathan this your marriage and Azande is your partner.
You should be the one to make her see that being with a gangster is not all bad."
Qophelo: "MaDube he's desperate, let's help him."
Ntandokazi: "We are helping him by tell him the truth and not getting involved.
Nathan marriage is for two people. Your marriage is your business just like our is
ours. Go face your wife, help her pack her bags if she leaves you."
Me: "Mxm!" I stood up and went to the kitchen. She wasn't helpful at all. I poured
myself some water
Qophelo: "My wife is crazy. Whatever you need we'll get through this. Call Mbali
she might talk some sense into Azande and maybe Lisa and Mpume. Sthembi and
Ntandokazi are hard-headed and I am starting to think your wife is just the same."
Me: "I will. Azande is a runner Big man. She's always ready to run and I honestly
can't lose her, that's something I won't accept. I love her and she makes me feel a
whole different." She was a runner and I was always ready to chase her. The
thought of not seeing her chubby face and not having her in my arms was
paralyzing.
Qophelo: "Then go home and face her and tell her exactly that."
Me: "Okay. Please call the gogos for me."
Qophelo: "We'll do. Hang in there. Nathan marriage is hard generally but its even
harder when you in this game and its not for people who aren't willing to fight."
Me: "I am a fighter Big man."
Qophelo: "I know you are." He patted my shoulder "I am the guy who took my
wife to court when she served me with divorce papers. How far are you willing to
go? ask yourself that." The was no line I wouldn't cross, in fact to me there were
no lines. That's what the men taught me.
Me: "Okay. Thanks Big man." We walked to the other house, I got into my car and
I left. I got home it seemed as though they never packed
Hlelo: "Whatever you did, fix it. The kids are scared."
Me: "I'll fix it, don't worry."
Azande: "Hlelo please sleep over, Jay is always happy when Sbonga is around."
Hlelo: "No problem."
Me: "Can we talk?" She nodded and lead us to our room. Ella was already asleep.
She was growing up so much. My daughter looked so much like Azande and I
couldn't be happier.
Azande: "I know what I did was wrong. Mxolisi and I shouldn't have been in
contact. I apologize for being disrespectful."
Me: "Okay. You are changing numbers because somehow he always reaches out."
Azande: "Okay." She looked at me "Nathan I love you, I do but not like this. Not
when I know you rub shoulders with drug dealers and you transport illegal guns.
My conscience won't allow me to accept that. So respectfully I am refusing to
marry you and you'll still have access to the kids because I can't crush them like
that but we are over." She was really doing it, wow!
Me: "Azande please don't do this. Baby can we work this out."
Azande: "No Nathan there is no working things out. I packed some of your things,
I'll call you once I have everything ready." She was even kicking me out. My bags
were sitting next to the door.
Me: "I can't be away from my children Azande. I'll move in one of the guest
bedrooms but I am not leaving this house."
Azande: "Fine. Now leave I'd like to sleep before my daughter wakes up."
Me: "I get that this is something you were not prepared for and you need time to
accept it and baby I'll give you that. I am not entirely a bad man Azande, the man
you fell in love with, well I am still that man, I am still baba wezi ngane zam. I just
happen to break the law sometimes. We are far from being done, baby I love you
and I need you in my life and living without you is something I could never accept.
So take your time to embrace the other me." I kissed her forehead and her lips,
she responded. I bought her closer to me
Azande: "Aaah Nathan." My hands had made it under her dress
Me: "Please baby." I said nibbling her ear "I love you MaJele."
Azande: "One last time." She's crazy. I took off her dress
Me: "Are you fine, down there?"
Azande: "Yes my stitches have healed." I didn't waste time. I unhooked her bra
while kissing her. I moved us to the couch since my goddess was sleeping
peacefully on our bed. She unbuckled my jeans and went on her knees while she
dropped them down with my brief. She started rubbing my dick slowly and
squeezing it a little.
Me: "Aaah baby." She gave me a handjob. She slowly sucked on my tip and
teasing me with her tongue "Baby stop teasing." She giggled and she get me the
best head of my life "Aaaah Zande!!!!" She was really rough about it "Shitttt!!!" I
was about to cum and I pulled out of her mouth and made her bend over
Azande: "Aaaah baby. Harder!!!" We were fucking, it was obvious. I upped my
pace and my thrusts went deeper. "Aaaaah yess! Yesss!"
Me: "Shittt" we both close, it was coming and Ella woke up crying
Azande: "Finish up Nathan." What? I gave her 3 hard thrusts and we both came
apart. I pulled out and went to fetch a towel for us to wipe. "Thanks." We both
cleaned up. She went to wash her hands and attended Ella.
Me: "Azande I can't lose you, or this." I pointed at them.
Azande: "Get dressed Nathan and go upstairs. My mind is made up and I'd like
you to respect that." I couldn't see her face since she was changing Ella's nappy
Me: "It's too soon for rash decisions Azande. There's the kids to consider not
forgetting our arrangement with Sonia."
Azande: "I know all that Nathan that's why you'll be sleeping upstairs. I wanted to
leave, actually I was leaving but Sonke, Sphe and Lethu said they're not leaving
without you so I don't have much of a choice because Ella and Jaden need around
as well. So upstairs for now. Vicky will move in and you'll take the pool house."
Me: "What the fuck Azande??" My wife is really hard-headed
Azande: "I am done talking about this Nathan. Now leave." She pointed the door. I
took Ella and kissed her goodnight and took my bags and went to our actual
bedroom. It felt empty without her. We were going to get through this, she had to
understand and accept the other me because I was getting thoughts like holding
her hostage in our own home. She needed time and I was going to give it to her.
The fact that we were still under the same roof was a good sign.

»44«
CONTINUED
NQOBANI
I was finding my feet without my family, it was hard I won't lie because I still felt
like a dark cloud was hovering over me. I knew I could never be my old self again
and frankly I didn't want to be him. The old Nqobani was gone, he died with Mimi,
Njabulo and our unborn baby. I was in final step of grief and that was acceptance.
I was letting go of my past and everything I've been and starting over. As a new
reformed man, I took every day as it comes and I had stopped making plans and I
was done with love and happily ever after because it was clear that I wasn't
meant to have one. I was curse like my father used to say and after everything I've
been through, I finally understand and accept that he was right.
Sne: "I think I am done." We were spending the day together. We were shopping
at the mall, it was her idea actually.
Me: "Are you sure?"
Sne: "I am. We'll have lunch at Rocco Mamas."
Me: "Okay." We walked to the food court
Sne: "I wanted us to talk about the car you getting me when I pass my matric with
7 distinctions." I laughed, she was sneaky
Me: "Okay, I am listening."
Sne: "I want a BMW and I think I deserve one. I mean I am a very good girl, I mean
bhuti I am still a virgin and I have been getting As since forever plus since I'll be
living with you next year I need a way to move around because I am not doing
student accommodation." Wow! She was prepared for this.
Me: "I am really proud of you for taking care of yourself and focusing on giving
yourself a better future. MaMdluli, I need you to keep doing that. You and I don't
have parents anymore and that means it is all up to us. I am always here for
whatever but I won't always be around, life is too short and tomorrow is not
guaranteed. So focus on being independent than the rest will follow."
Sne: "I know, like you always say "People like us have to work twice as hard to get
half of what they have" and I took that with me." I was doing a great job at raising
her, she was a true definition of strong from losing her parents at a young age and
being raised by me because Cebo and Lwazi were just as young when my mother
and Bab' Mdluli died. She was really a Mdluli with the way she was strong,
focused and stubborn, she definitely didn't take after our mother.
Me: "Indeed and you almost there little one, keep your head down and make a
name for yourself."
Sne: "I will and thank you for everything Bhuti."
Me: "You welcome. Now BMW really Sne?"
Sne: "Yes a Series range nje." I laughed, wow!
Me: "I'll see but Nolwazi got a Mini Cooper."
Sne: "Nothing about me says Nolwazi bhuti and I am glad it doesn't." We laughed
Me: "You are something else. Finish your food so we'll go back home." We ate up
and we drove home. I really enjoyed that day with her. We drove past the salon, it
was Cebo's but since she was in another province Nolwazi managed it for her
while she was still jobless but she wasn't going to be for long. I was working on
something for her but she couldn't know it was me, she'd hate me since she
wanted to fend for herself.
Lwazi: "You went shopping without me, you should be ashamed to call yourselves
my family."
Sne: "Awume. My matric ball is next month Nolwazi, are my inches here?"
Nolwazi: "I was actually tracking the shipment, it will be here tomorrow probably.
Did you get the shoes?"
Sne: "You know I did. And bhuti's black did the things"
Nolwazi: "He made the pots shiny" they laughed and I was so lost.
Nolwazi: "Bhuti Sne ordered a Cambodian weave and it's R4500 for everything
including installation."
Me: "Hayi hayi, yenina installation yani umshini yini kanti(installation for what, is
it a machine)?" They laughed
Nolwazi: "You are something else. I have to plat it on her head. Just pay bhuti."
Me: "You make a lot of money from the fake hair ne?" She nodded "You charge
per bundle?"
Nolwazi: "The pricing differs. I have combos and I have singles."
Me: "Let me see your books."
Nolwazi: "Why?"
Me: "Because I am a business man and when I see an opportunity I cease it." She
handed me their books "Get comfortable Sne." And I sat down and I looked at
them, Cebolihle and Nolwazi were rich mos, I do not know why they milked me
for money. These people made an average of R100000 a month wow.
Me: "You have a great business here."
Nolwazi: "Beauty sells, I had a few ideas to expand the business but I don't have
enough space."
Me: "How about you design for me a complex of townhouses and maybe add
your hair parlour in there with bigger space to accommodate your ideas."
Nolwazi: "What? That we'll great I'd love to. It will be good for my portfolio for
when I go to my interviews."
Me: "Exactly. I'll send you measurements of the plot I am interested in."
Nolwazi: "Great thanks Bhuti. I disappoint you." And she was to being motivated,
she was even doubting the fact that she chose the right field of study
Me: "I know you won't."
Voice: "Clive! Clive Mthimkhulu is that you?" The voice was familiar. She walked
closer, heels and everything. Wow!
Me: "Zokthula Zoe Mofokeng." Johannesburg is not big enough man. She was one
of my old hook ups. We ended things because she wanted a relationship and I
wasn't interested.
Zoe: "Wow! You still look as I last remember you to."
Me: "Usababa nawe ntwana(You still hot yourself)." We laughed
Zoe: "I was sad to hear about you and Mimi and your son." How did she know
about us "Mimi and I shagged the same guys, and for a while we at in competition
at getting you. When you two made it official the whole world new because if she
wasn't posting you on social media, it was your son. I was really touched when I
heard she died" okay too much information.
Me: "That's crazy."
Zoe: "it is in the past though. What brings you here, this is a hair salon Clive." I
chuckled
Me: "My sisters own the place."
Zoe: "Wow! Small world, take my number and hit me up whenever."
Me: "Are you offering me pity sex Zokuthula?" She laughed
Zoe: "Omw you are still impossible. Here's my card call or don't call its fine." She
definitely wanted some, she just didn't want to admit in front of my sisters. I took
her card and Nolwazi assisted her. Was I going to call her? Definitely but not when
she's still expecting me too. Play with a her self-esteem a little. Please don't judge
me, I am a born hunter and the best time to eat a prey is when they are
vulnerable.
Me: "I'll see you around Zoe." I gave her card back. She disappointed and this was
going to work for me in the future. I memorized her number. "Lets go Sne." I
drove her home and I had been waiting for. The crew was meeting up the next
morning. I made the call to Jozi's finest madam, Sizwe's bad habits were rubbing
off on me but for a man in my shoes, they worked. No strings attached type of
man, I drove to the hotel and I met up with my date for the night, they called
them professional girlfriends, we all knew they're prostitutes but hay whatever
made them sleep at night.
Girl: "I am at your service. Whatever you need I provide."
Me: "What's on the menu?"
Girl: "Me." I chuckled and showed her my room keys and we took the elevator up
to my floor and shit went down. That was my life now, meaningless sex. It wasn't
the same though especially when I have tasted what stability feels like but the
feeling of having it taken away from me was scarier than having meaningless sex.
======
Zoe: "What do you doing here, Clive this is my workplace. I thought you weren't
interested?" She folded her arms. See, it worked.
Me: "I am, if you are." She smiled. She was still the Zoe I remember to be
Zoe: "I am interested. Are we hooking up or you want us to try a relationship and
don't lie to me Clive about your job or whatever." She hasn't changed I guess.
Me: "Mimi died over 2 months ago Zoe. A relationship is a stretch for me but I am
not hooking up with anyone else."
Zoe: "Okay. How did you find me?"
Me: "You gave me your business card." She nodded "I guess I'll see you later?" I
gave her a questioning look
Zoe: "Pretoria is far, I have work in the morning"
Me: "I'll book us a hotel."
Zoe: "Okay, come pick me up after work."
Me: "Okay. Come here." She came closer and I placed my lips on hers, I kissed her
and she didn't respond "I am not fetching you if you don't kiss me." She giggled
and we kissed "Now go back to work." She laughed and left. I drove to the
warehouse and I was the last one to arrive.
Nathan: "Ngyaktshela bozza."
Me: "Whay did I miss?"
Hlanga: "Azande kicked him out."
Nathan: "Mxolisi showed her everything. I hate that guy nxa."
Me: "Nawe you took your sweet time maybe things would've worked out
differently for you had you let her in sooner." I looked at the other idiot in the
room "This is a lesson, learn from it."
Hlanga: "She's busy with her exams, it not a good time right now."
Me: "Excuses, excuses."
Chance: "I kinda feel like Grootboom and I are the only men in this room." We
folded our arms looking at him
Ndu: "Why you leaving me out?"
Me: "Because you left your wife, what idiot does that."
Ndu: "Grootboom what Omuhle is unforgivable, I just cant look at her in the eye
and not want to punch her or even kill her."
Nathan: "That's crazy. Ndumiso you are also not innocent. Whatever she did is
forgivable you just don't want to. You hurting your kids in all of this."
Ndu: "My marriage is not the topic of the day. This investigation is, its time we
qiut bitchin and start pitchin." We laughed. And the brainstorming session started
Me: "Caleb is the mastermind of this whole operation. I am sure he rubs
shoulders with Police commissioners and whatever because there is no way that
Lwando doesn't get this job and Mxolisi does. So attacking his reputation is the
way."
Nathan: "Exactly. Caleb's credibility is circling the drain as we speak, an
anonymous email was sent to shareholders."
Chance: "Let's see how this plays out."
Hlanga: "Caleb commits suicide by the end of the week. We can't let this get back
to us."
Ndu: "Works for me." After the meeting we called everyone so we could discuss
how Viper was to be taken down. He was the big fish actually and we needed to
be careful.
=====
Zoe: "Morning." She kissed me "Your breakfast."
Me: "Oh morning and thanks. What time an I driving you to work?"
Zoe: "I called in sick. After last night, I won't make it past tea time."
Me: "But you woke up for breakfast?"
Zoe: "I love food Clive and I make up for it but my job can wait, they don't
appreciate me anyways."
Me: "Okay but I have a job and I need to get to it."
Zoe: "Okay." She was disappointed
Me: "Did you have other expectations, I can arrive late." She nodded
Me: "Okay. My energy will be up in a few minutes. How about we deal with your
expectations in the shower?"
Zoe: "Even better, two birds with one stone." I laughed
Me: "My thoughts exactly." After breakfast we got down to business, 3 for the
road and we got into our clothes and checked out. I drove her "I guess I'll see you
around."
Zoe: "I free this weekend." I chuckled
Me: "Okay, I'll see this weekend. Take care ntokazi." She kissed me
Zoe: "Bye." I drove to Mimi's house. To me it will forever be Mimi's house and I
got there it was just so empty with my people in it. I didn't have a plan for that
house I wasn't willing to sell it either. I cleaned it up and threw away all the rotten
food and I went to search alcohol and I found some and I started watching home
videos again. We were so happy and my son was always smiling, I guess Palesa's
jealous was understandable but I couldn't shake the idea that maybe had I waited
on dating, maybe things would've been different. Maybe Mimi and Njabulo would
still be alive and somehow we would've found a way to each other's arms without
Palesa in the picture. I really missed them that morning and it was a feeling that
will always visit me
====
Me: "Nathan its so late at night, is everything okay?"
Nathan: "Its all Good. Ntwana I need a favor, my sister was involved in an accident
somewhere in Pretoria please go deal with it. I am in Durban right now."
Me: "Don't worry I am on it, send me her number and I'll deal with it."
Nathan: "Sharp." I got dressed and I called his sister. I didn't have anything better
to do anyway, I was probably going to drink until I pass out.

»45«
HLELO
The Mthethwa boy was confusing me and I really didn't need that.
Mpilo: "Gugulam, you are ignoring my calls. I don't like that." The idiot showed up
at my house and my parents were few meters away.
Me: "We agreed that we were taking the time to think if we really want this and
next thing I see you posting your ex's picture everywhere." To me that was
everything, they still had a relationship and I honestly wasn't strong in enough to
find out what it was. I am the jealous type, we weren't even together but
somehow I was affected by the pictures of her ex and I must say I was hotter than
she was
Mpilo: "Gugulethu I can explain. Bokang and I have history and its complicated
but we're just friends now and it was her birthday."
Me: "Mpilo my parents are around please leave I'd really like it if you stopped
calling me or texting."
Mpilo: "That's not happening. I'll see you over the weekend MaGumede." He
came closer and I tried moving back but he pulled me towards him and he kissed
me without warning and it was breathtaking. Mpilo and his mind games, by just
kissing me, he has me going crazy. All from his amazingly breathtaking kisses. We
were getting carried away in the streets.
Me: "Hamba Mpilonhle!!" I pushed him and he baby kissed me
Mpilo: "I'll come fetch on Friday then."
Me: "I can't, the nanny is off and I am writing exams Mpilo. We'll discuss our
situation after my exams, I really need to focus."
Mpilo: "Are you saying I am a distraction? Which part is that?" He held my waist, I
blushed, maye!! This boy "Look at that." He played with my cheeks. He got off my
rosy cheeks and I hated it because somehow he managed to make me blush on
purpose
Me: "Mxm!" I tried walking away and he pulled me into a hug.
Mpilo: "You can come with Sbonga and I'll even babysit for you while you study,
how about that?"
Me: "Are you sure?"
Mpilo: "I just want to spend time with you Gugulam. So pack a bag or don't I have
plenty of clothes that will fit you perfectly." We laughed
Me: "Your clothes are baggy on me Mpilonhle."
Mpilo: "I know but they look good on you." We kissed again and I honestly didn't
mind "I'll see you Friday after work."
Me: "Okay." We hugged and he kissed my forehead. He's a problem because he
didn't talk much. He got into his car and drove away. After a few minutes he
called me "Did you forget something?"
Mpilo: "Yes, you." I laughed and blushed at the same time and thank God he
wasn't around. "Check my instagram" and he hung up. I didn't waste time and he
had uploaded a picture of me walking out of the house with the caption "When I
first saw you". I was in my rags guys, it wasn't instagram worthy, I called him back
Me: "You are crazy yaz."
Mpilo: "So I've been told. We'll talk later."
Me: "Okay." I didn't know where this was going, I was just going with the flow.
=====
Emma: "So you know you my maid of honor, right?"
Me: "Wow! Emma we've been planning our weddings since grade 2." We laughed,
Emma bought out the snob in me and Sasa called me to order when we got home.
You'd swear she was a kasi girl. Back to the bride
Emma: "So we've picked a date for next year March and the other thing is."
Me: "What is it? Emma are you pregnant?" I half shouted. She laughed
Emma: "Of course not Jacques is talking contracts with overseas Teams and we
decided on an Australian team and we moving after the wedding, well I am
joining him after the wedding because he's going there December."
Me: "What? Baphiwe you are leaving me?" I was shattered. "What happened to
us being neighbors and forcing our husbands to be best friends?"
Emma: "I know mngan believe me Australia was not part of the plan but I am
starting this new life with the man of my reality and I am actually excited about
what's ahead." I wiped my tears "Hle please give me your blessing. This is not the
end of us. We'll both make time for visits and what not and we'll stay in contact
through social media."
Me: "Of course we can make it work, but I didn't or I never saw you leaving the
country Emmz."
Emma: "I am a grown woman now, who knew that Emma Miller will date to the
point of marriage."
Me: "Jacques loves you babe. Please don't take my tears the wrong way, I am
really happy for you and I am even happier because you've found someone who
cares about you so much and makes you happy."
Emma: "You'll meet someone babe, don't worry." While we were busy munching
our lunch Sbonga came back to bite his burger and ran back to the play area. I was
actually avoiding my books until Mpilo came to fetch us. "Jacques is playing today
and I have free tickets again if you interested."
Me: "Okay let me adjust a few things." I called Mpilo
Mpilo: "Gugulam."
Me: "Hey. Sbonga and I are going to catch the Blue Bulls game again, we'll drive to
your place after."
Mpilo: "Eish I am really sorry Gugulam, I was going to call you and explain
everything to you. Bokang is in hospital and it's not looking good so can we make
this some other time."
Me: "Sho" I hung up. I was done with him, I honestly didn't need drama with his
ex and he wasn't upfront about it so I was taking myself out of the equation. He
called again and I ignored it. We went shopping after and took Sbonga out to the
movies and we later went to watch Jacques play at Loftus Staduim. We had VIP
tickets again. After the match Emma stayed with her man and Sbonga and I had to
drive back home. He was dosing off, on the freeway a blue Polo hit me from the
back. it was a Friday and they were so drunk guys, yooh. I tried calling my
brothers and none of them answered, they were probably drunk or fucking some
hoe to even check their phones. I called Nathan and luckily he picked up
Me: "First born, some car just hit me from the back and no one answering their
phone. The parents are in Durban."
Nathan: "Fuck! Hlelo I am also in Durban, I'll get one of my guys to come help you
out okay."
Me: "Nathan I am scared, I am with Sbonga."
Nathan: "Stay on the phone while I use my other one to call him. I am right here"
Me: "Okay." The guys apologized they were out of it. The people who saw what
happened called the police and I doubted that they'll show up, it was the wrong
day to be involved in an accident. Nathan spoke to me and calmed me down until
he said his friend is on his way and he had to hang up since he wanted to
communicate with me. After sometime he showed
Guy: "Hlelo?"
Me: "Nqobani?" We shook hands he was good looking man. "You came with a
tow truck car, that's great."
Nqobani: "Let me deal deal with the police while you go to my car."
Me: "Let me take my son first, I also want to hear what the police are saying."
Nqobani: "How are they not arrested, there's a child in the car dammit!" He
shouted at police. Okay, for some weird reason, I found it hot. "Give me your
names and I'll report you to your superiors. I happen to know some of them." The
police didn't waste time they put them in the van after we exchanged contact
details, they were so paying for the damages or I’ll go all Harvey Specter on them,
I was studying law for my health. "I'll come and see if a case has been opened in
the morning. He came back to where I was standing and took Sbonga from me
and I took my things from the car and it was a mess but we managed to clean it
out and the tow truck people towed it and we left.
Me: "Thank you for coming and bailing us out."
Nqobani: "No problem. Nathan is my boy."
Me: "Okay but you driving us back to Pretoria and I'd like to get home and sleep."
Nqobani: "You can sleep at my place, at least until Nathan knows you safe."
Me: "Okay." We got to his place and it was bottles of alcohol everywhere
Nqobani: "Take that room." I went to it and he place Sbonga on the bed and he
went out. Everything came back and tears followed, I cried because I almost died,
what happened to me was traumatic and I need to be around someone and all my
people were caught up “Thank you for coming to our rescue.” I could smell his
cologne, it made a statement.
Nqobani: "Are you sure you okay?”
Me: “I am fine. I just want to lie down.” He nodded and I looked at Sbonga he was
such a deep sleeper. I got him out of his jeans and he was left in his briefs. He had
really grown up, I was glad he was out of it to know that we almost died. I felt his
hands wipe the tears from my face. I didn’t even realize I was crying.
Nqobani: "You are not fine. The little guy is out of it how about you come me out
there and join me, I am bored to death"
Me: "Okay." I placed a blanket over my baby, he might have been 4 years old but
he was my baby. I followed him to the living room. He offered me his cognac, it
took me back when the twins and I would steal Bab' Mnqobi's alcohol. "So are
just going to drink while watching sport channels or?"
Nqobani: "You can change if you want to."
He handed me the remote. I chose one of the music channels and house playing.
Me: "So tell me about yourself and how you know First born." We carried on
drinking
Nqobani: "We work together, he's a really cool guy. Well I have nothing to tell
you, I'm just a guy." I got a proper view at him and I realize just how good looking
he really was. His dark skin,the way carries himself. Those deep brown eyes and
his lips, Oh God don't get me started about his cherry lips and he wouldn't stop
licking them. Everything about him was just so damn sexy. But most of all his aura
is what catches me off guard. He just seem so calm. Even when he put those cops
in their place his voice alone exudes his calm nature."Are you even listening to
me?"
Me: "Oh sorry, you were saying?"
Nqobani: "How are you related to Nathan?"
Me: "My family history is long but to cut the story short my fathers raised him and
I grew up knowing him as the First Born of the family."
Nqobani: "Okay tell me about yourself." While he was talking my jam came one
Me: "I am sorry but I have to dance, it is a must." He laughed as I turned up the
volume "Trap, TrapMoneyBenny
This shit got me in my feelings
Gotta be real with it, yup
Kiki, do you love me? Are you riding?
Say you'll never ever leave from beside me
'Cause I want ya, and I need ya
And I'm down for you always
KB, do you love me? Are you riding?
Say you'll never ever leave from beside me
'Cause I want ya, and I need ya
And I'm down for you always"
Nqobani: "Wow! Who taught how to move like that?" He was really intrigued
Me: "Dance classes. Anyway you were saying?"
Nqobani: "No no! You are dancing again." We laughed "And you'll teach me a
move or two." He was crazy and the next song came on. It was a disaster, he had
two left feet. There was no saving him from himself shem
Me: "Woooh ngeke! Stick to your day job bhuti." We laughed "Not only are you
bad at this, you dangerous as well, breaking things." He accidentally hit one of the
beer bottles on the floor and luckily it was empty.
Nqobani: "Kant uyaphapha." We laughed and went back to the couch and actually
got to talk. It was mostly about me and Sbonga and somehow Melisizwe's name
came up. I hated that part of the conversation. I was really enjoying my time him
and it help with the trauma I experienced. The alcohol was also playing a huge
part. We carried on drinking and laughed and me dancing because he was
hopeless.
=========
I woke up the next day with Sbonga kissing my face, he does that whenever he
wakes up before me and I do if when I wake up for school.
Sbonga: "Mama, we made pancakes." I slowly opened my eyes. I was naked under
the sheets and my honey pot was burning. What have I done!!!
Me: "Okay, I'll come join you now."
Sbonga: "Okay." He ran out the bedroom. I ran to the bathroom and took a very
much needed shower. Everything came back like a flood, the drinking and the
dancing, somehow we ended up playing his jazz collection and that's when things
went south because we were slow dancing and we kissed, after the kiss we lost
control of ourselves. I remember him asking if I was sure about what was about to
go down and I said I was if he was and look at where that got me. Do I regret it,
hell naw, the brother is gifted and he knows how to use it, I even had bite marks
as proof. After the shower I used his cosmetics and I got dressed in the same
clothes. The ones from shopping were in his car. Then the reality of my life kicked
in, I was involved in an accident and my car was towed, I didn't have a way out
with addressing the elephant in the room. I finally gathered the strength to go to
the kitchen and it was a mess. It didn't take much to make pancakes though
Me: “Morning guys.”
Sbonga: “Morning mama.” He was so happy “We made pancakes.” And The King
loved them so much.
Nqobani: “Morning.” He was looking at me smiling.
Me: “Oh is it. Aphi awami(where are mine)?” than I mouthed thank you to him
and he nodded.
Sbonga: “Come have some mama.”
Me: “Did you say thank you, for the pancakes.”
Sbonga: “Thank you for the pancakes.” He looked at him “What do I call you.”
Nqobani: “What do you want to call me?” I had to leave that room because I
didn’t want to know what they called each other. I went to find my phone and I
called mamazi.
Mamazi: “Are you even my daughter? Or you have divorced me like Sasa does
when things don't go her way?” I laughed because Sasa was as dramatic as she
was and the pregnancy wasn't helping. I rolled my eyes “Don’t roll your eyes at
me.” I giggled she knew me too well “Hey baby are you good?” that was my
mother for you. I haven’t said a word and already we’ve had a conversation.
Me: “Please don’t panic. We are fine but Sbonga and I were in an accident last
night on our way home from Pretoria.”
Mamazi: “Haibo!! Gugulethu and you tell me this now, ngo 8 eksen(in the
morning).” She sighed “I am coming. Where are your brothers, how bad was it?
Oh nkos yam." Maybe telling her was s bad idea. Her pregnancy was a risk already
and she took everything personally
Me: “I got hit from the back so it wasn’t bad. It was some drunk guy.”
Mamazi: “Is Sbonga okay. I am booking a flight as we speak. Your brothers have
some explaining to do.”
Me: “Don’t worry yourself we are good and Nathan came through for me. I don’t
mind you coming though, we miss you.”
Mamazi: “Okay I am on my way, I just felt like I was neglecting my quads since we
have a house and everything that side. And with the little one coming I have to
make up for it by giving them extra attention." They hated the extra attention,
they were bored by the fact that the parents were coming back but I couldn't tell
her that "Turns out your brothers are in Bergville.” This woman knows how to
multitask hay. She had three phones and I am sure she was in all of them while
she was talking to me
Me: “What? Why didn’t they tell me?” I haven't seen gogo Gumede since the
holidays and the phone can take us so far.
Mamazi: “Even baba didn’t tell me. I will see in a few hours.”
Me: “Okay.”
Mamazi: “I love you MaMnguni.”
Me: “I love you mamazi.” We hung up. And I went to join them
Sbonga: “Mama here are your pancakes. Papa and I dished up for you.” I looked
at papa with a questioning look and he shrugged his shoulders with a smile on his
face.
Me: “So that’s the name you decided on?”
Sbonga: “Mmm. I like it.” What was I to say than?
Nqobani: "Me too."
Me: "I don't."
Sbonga: "Hawu mama." I looked at him, what game was he playing at?
Me: "Finish up Sbonga so we can go, gogo is coming."
Nqobani: "Can we talk?" He pulled me aside "I feel like I have upset you
somehow."
Me: "Sbonga is very impressionable. I don't like this papa thing because we are
never seeing each other again."
Nqobani: "It doesn't have to end like this. I enjoyed last night and I haven't made
pancakes in a while and turns out I missed it as well."
Me: "I am not interested. I also had fun but no." I really wasn't interested
Nqobani: "I am a soldier by profession and at heart and that means I don't go
down easily." Okay, what was I supposed to do with that information?
Me: "I'll request the cab while I get Sbonga ready." He grabbed my arm and I
looked at him
Nqobani: "Never mind. Let's get you guys home." And after The King devoured his
pancakes we left. "Are we not going to talk about last night?"
Me: "We had sex and it ends there Nqobani. It's not deep please don't make it out
to be."
Nqobani: "Wow! Okay." I must have hurt his feelings because after that he went
mute and turned up the volume. He dropped us off
Sbonga: "Bye papa."
Nqobani: "Bye buddy, I'll see around, okay?"
Sbonga: "We'll play video games."
Nqobani: "Okay." He picked him up and threw him in the air and it seemed like he
liked it "Ask mama to use her phone so you can call me okay?"
Sbonga: "Okay." He put him down and he ran to the house
Me: "Thank you for everything."
Nqobani: "No problem. Take care of yourself."
Me: "You too." We hugged and he kissed my forehead and we parted ways. Mpilo
called and I ignored it. I was over boys honestly, they just come into your life to
confuse you and I honestly didn't need that. I started cleaning while Sbonga took
a bath and I later took one again. I cooked us lunch and I got down with my books
until mamazi came and she came with my favourite Dube wife.
Me: “Omg!! Aunty Thobeka.” We hugged, she was such a kind soul and she got
along with everyone.
A.T: “Hey baby. I heard the news, are you okay?”
Me: “I am fine.” I looked at my beautiful mother. I really did miss her and it had
only been a few days “Mamami.”
Mamazi: “Hey baby. Where is The King” she shouted and Sbonga came down
running and they hugged and had their conversation.
A.T: “Tell me about the accident, what happened.” I told her everything to a point
of having Nathan's friend helping us out
Me: “I made lunch. Should I dish up?”
A.T: “No I am good, I had something on the flight.”
Me: “You didn’t come with Gugulethu junior?” she laughed, her daughter was my
twin since we were both light-skinned.
A.T: “Joh ahha that drama queen, she has 2 grandmothers and aunts. I needed to
get away.” We laughed
Mamazi: “Your brothers are coming back with baba. Apparently there was
something they needed to discuss and it was best they met in Bergville. Whatever
it is I cant wait to hear it.” she was really excited.
Me: “Uthanda iyndaba mamazi ngeke(You like gossip mamazi).”
Mamazi: “I need real drama in my life Hlehle. Love and Hip Hop is too staged and
anything that distracts me from this.” she pointed at her big tummy I laughed, my
mother and I were obsessed with reality tv and we started catching up on the
latest
A.T: “I am so lost right now.” We laughed at her
Me: “Its all the South African soapies you watch that you miss the real shit.”
Mamazi: “Language!! Hlelo haibo.” Sbonga was a baby all of a sudden on my
mother’s lap. We carried on catching up with my family, my brothers came back
with Lunathi. He was also in Bergville. They were all so sorry for what happened
to me and being unavailable, but I was good. That accident was an eye opener, I
needed to focus on my son and myself.
Alime: “Mamazi.” We all looked at him “I made someone pregnant.”
Me: “Bhuti!”
Mamazi: “Alimikhaya!” we were all shocked and baba looked pissed. Lakhe
seemed fine. “Have I not taught you anything?”
Alime: “Mamazi this is not on you. Its all me and I take full responsibility.” He had
his serious face “I am getting my degrees this year and I have jobs lined up. I can
handle this.”
Baba: “It is not about the money Alimikhaya and you know that. Its about you not
doing things the right way. Children from single parents are not a good idea, it
comes with a lot of problems.”
Mamazi: “So you two are not even together?” She really looked disappointed.
Alime shook his head “Where is this girl from?”
Alime: “Owasesgodini(the village).” Obviously, village girls were so predictable
though. They threw themselves at the Gumede boys even the younger ones. I am
not sure if it was money or the fact that they were good-looking.
Me: “Bhuti, are you sure its yours?”
Alime: “I am.” My parents stood up and went to sit on the patio and they were
followed by Aunty Thobeka
Me: “How do you feel?”
Alime: “I don’t know, scared and excited at the same time. I am going to be a
father Hlehle.” He was more scared than excited.
Me: “Come here.” I opened my arms for a hug. “A baby is blessing and you’ll
make the best father to him or her because you have been the best uncle to The
King.” We were still hugging. “I am happy for you. And I love you for making me
an aunt.” He chuckled
Alime: “Thank you. And you will be the best aunt, I know it.”
Me: “That’s the plan big brother.” We laughed
Alime: “I disappointed them Hlehle.” He said in a low deep tone. We were all
scared of disappointing our parents. Half of the time they were happy and
supportive people but their level of anger was just the same.
Me: “You did. You know how they feel about broken homes bhuti and your end
was better than mine because you had some control over the situation but it is
what it is. They will come around eventually, they love being grandparents.”
Alime: “I hope its soon. I hate not talking to them.” He looked at me “The whole
drive here Gumede was silent. You know how loud his silent is.”
Me: “Its going to be fine.” Lakhe and Lunathi being themselves made a joke about
mamazi's baby and Alime's being a few months apart like Alime was proving a
point. He was the one with the problem about the fact that they still get it on
anyway. While we were chilling as a family an unsaved number called me
Me: "Hello."
Nqobani: "Let me in, the security here is tight."
Me: "What? What are you even doing here? Go away!!" I hung up a few minutes
after that Mpilo called and I rejected it. If I wanted a peace of mind it was best
that I switched my phone off and I did. I went to study after my parents went to
their house
=======
Nqobani: "I thought I had the wrong address." I screamed!!!
Me: "How did you find me? Did Nathan tell you where I am? You know what I
don't care. Please move away from my car." It was actually my dad's since mine
was towed.
Nqobani: "I don't get why you being difficult. We both had fun the other night."
Me: "Yeah we did, so what?"
Nqobani: "I'd like to see you again Hlelo."
Me: "You are seeing me again." He chuckled
Nqobani: "You know what I mean."
Me: "I am not interested once was enough, after that feelings are caught and
things become messy. I really need to leave now." He was blocking my door
Nqobani: "I don't like messy myself. We can have our own messy-less thing."
Me: "S&M?" I asked smiling
Nqobani: "Sex and Mockery is how I do."
Me: "Okay, I'll text you when I am available."
Nqobani: "I am available now. There's a hotel close by."
Me: "Rule #1 No Hotels. #2 The only time that matters is my time."
Nqobani: "WTF!! What about me?"
Me: "You came to me, take it or leave now!" He looked at me disbelief "I have to
go." I opened the door.
Nqobani: "Okay fine! When will you be available?"
Me: "You'll just have to wait and see."
Nqobani: "Okay, don't take too long." I laughed and closed the door and drove
away. Power of the virginia guys. What I was doing was so unlike me, I knew that
but I was sick and tired of being played. From now on I played the game by my
own rules.
»45«
CONTINUED
NQOBANI
Sne and Nolwazi asked me to show them a good time and I couldn't say no since
fun weekends were back on the table, Cebo was missing but that's life, people
grow up and get married and move on. We were about to go to one of Keith's
parties when Zoe called, the girl didn't rest. Hooking up with her again was a
mistake because I think in her her head weren't hooking up, it was a relationship.
Zoe: "You ditched me last weekend Clive." He had been complaining about this all
week
Me: "Hello Zokthula. I am good and the sun was shinning today, you don't greet
now?" She needed to calm down.
Zoe: "I am sorry. I was just disappointed that you bailed on me." See what I mean,
she had expectations and when you hooking up that was something you couldn't
afford.
Me: "I was busy." I couldn't really tell her that Hlelo had me occupied that
weekend, that girl was proving to be a problem.
Zoe: "Are you available this weekend, I am at your club."
Me: "My sister and I are going to a gig somewhere, I'll call you when I am free.
Bye now." My hopes were up for Hlelo calling me. I had never had to wait for a
girl to call me. The whole situation was fucked up and what made it fucked up
was the fact I didn't want to fuck anyone else. Fuck this
Hlelo: "Nqobani." Yes I called her.
Me: "Are we still on for tonight?"
Hlelo: "I'll see how my night turns out. Bye now." She hung up. WTF! This has
never happened to me. Have I lost my touch, and when did I lose it? I called her
back
Me: "Get ready at 10pm, I am picking you up."
Hlelo: "Woah woah, mana lapho(Wait there) You don't control me and I let you in
on the rules, if you not happy then by all means leave me alone."
Me: "Mxm!" I hung up. Yes she was beautiful and had the greatest personality
and was smart as well but she wasn't the last pussy on the planet. "Guys let's go
or I am leaving you."
Sne: "Yoh bhut what has you worked up, we were ready like 5 minutes ago."
Nolwazi: "Let's go people."
Me: "You guys look too good, I feel under dressed now." They laughed at me.
Sne: "You are fine, blessers usually wear golf t-shirts and jeans."
Me: "Weeh Snenhlanhla how the hell do know what blessers wear, what is a
blessers lets start there?" She looked guilty "I can shut all of this down if you don't
talk."
Nolwazi: "Bhuti Sne is aware of how the world is and she's not young anymore."
Was she kidding me!
Me: "Did I ask you?" She zipped her mouth "Explain yourself."
Sne: "Bhuti I thought you trusted that I can take of myself. Nolwazi is right I am
aware but I am not participating, geez. You know what, I don't feel like going
anymore." She walked back to the house. I felt bad
Me: "Little one, I am sorry. I over reacted." I opened my arms for a hug
Sne: "You are really worked up and you are lashing out on us. What is it?" I
couldn't tell my sister that I was worked up over a girl.
Me: "Work stuff."
Nolwazi: "Leave work at work and loosen up, we about to party." She started
dancing and I laughed. We drove to the venue, it was at some new club. Keith was
actually big now after the parties him and Mimi threw. He was really a diamond in
the rough.
Sne: "This a first time for me so please take care of me, the both of you."
Nolwazi: "She's a club virgin."
Sne: "I'm a virgin, virgin." We laughed
Me: "Let's de-green you. Her first shot." Nolwazi clapped in excitement.
Nolwazi: "You are such a nerd and I'll enjoy corrupting you." We laughed
Me: "Be careful now don't be extreme. We don't want her dying on us." We
laughed and we ordered our drinks and they danced, they were having fun even
the club virgin.
Voice: "Grootboom!"
Me: "Thabo my guy." We bro hugged
Thabo: "I didn't peg you for such places."
Me: "I am with my sisters."
Thabo: "Wow! Me too, they actually dragged me here. Do you mind if we join
you."
Me: "Not at all." They got comfortable and we spoke about business. After his set
Keith came to join us at the VIP section together with his friends as well. I knew
some of them. We carried on drinking and laughing, chilling with them made me
realize that I was really old. Somehow us having the same issues bothered me,
like commitment issues. They had a whole life ahead of them and I was 4 years
away from 40 and I still had the same problems I had in my 20s. I guess you could
excuse me for Mimi dying because I had found stability with her but there was no
rule book or law that preventing me from trying again and with meaningless sex I
was digging myself a bigger hole than necessary because I could've been fixing
myself, moving on from the loss of my family. I honestly needed to grow up.
While I was watching my sisters making sure they were fine on the dance floor.
The club wasn’t that packed but it was, I saw Hlelo making out with some guy. All I
saw was red! I was just an option to her, I didn't like the taste of my own
medicine. Is this how women feel when they found out they're not the only one
you are seeing? I was fuming with anger, there was no way I was going be the
other guy
Me: "Thabo man, can I ask a huge favor, please drive my sisters back home. I have
a problem I need to fix."
Thabo: "I'll handle it Grootboom."
Me: "Call me if there's a problem."
Thabo: "Everything will be fine." We fist bumped and I spoke to them and I also
introduced them to Thabo and all was well
Me: "Call me when you get home, okay?"
Them: "Okay." I hugged them and I went to her "Hlelo asambe(let's go)!” I said in
my stern voice
Hlelo: “What? No, I didn’t come here with you.” I was getting pissed by the
second because she was being stubborn. I went to her table, girls and a few guys
were sitting there
Me: “Her bag. Siphi(where is it)?” they gave me her bag I took it and I dragged her
to my car and I drove us away.
Hlelo: “What the fuck Nqobani? Take me back or take me home!” I was too pissed
I was probably going to lash out at her. I drove us to my place. “I am not getting
out of this car.”
Me: “As long you don’t have your tongue down some boy’s throat I don’t care
what you do.” I got out the car and banged the door and went in the house. She
followed right after and she sat on the couch. “Don’t you have self respect, you
are someone’s mother for fucks sakes?
Hlelo: "Fuck you Nqobani. What does me being a mother have to do with having
fun?" I was really angry, I shouldn't have been judging her. She was raising that
bubbly boy on her own and she deserved a break. "And what I do is none of your
damn business." She was really pissed. She was even pink on the face
Me: "I know"
Hlelo: “Why do you even care about what I do and with who?” she looked at me.
She was so beautiful and my heart was betraying me. “Nqobani I am not your
girlfriend.”
Me: “I know that.” Now that I was calm, it all came back to me. I was out of line
and I was a little embarrassed “I am sorry.” She stood up and went to the kitchen.
I followed her there “Hlelo you bother me.” she looked at me with a face that said
I must keep talking “Umuhle Hlelo and you have this confidence that I found so
attractive but somehow it has you disregarding me. I cant stay away frankly I
don’t want to.” I made my way to her, I think I shocked her with my words “You
have beautiful eyes.”
Hlelo: “Thank you.” I was uncomfortably close, she was breathing heavily as
proof. But I was close as I needed to be, I chose to kiss her at first she didn’t
respond but she did eventually and her lips were so soft. I didn’t mind kissing
them forever. “Mmm!! we cant Nqobani. Please take me home."
Me: “Please don't go” wow, I was begging, I picked her up and placed her on the
counter. Things got heated, whatever I was feeling she was feeling it too. I took
off her top and she took off mine. Her hands moved around my abs while mine
unhooked her bra. Her boobs were just perfect, I kissed her from her neck down
to her boob and I sucked it seductively
Hlelo: "Aaah Nqobani.” She was holding my face. I went back to kissing her lips
while I led us to the guest bedroom, I wanted her so so badly I got out of my jeans
and I helped her out of her leggings as well. I threw her on the bed and got in
between her legs. The kissing was heated with so much lust. I got her out of her
thong and I kissed her leg up to her now wet pussy. First I fucked her with my
tougue, than my fingers and lastly uBhungane. I slowly inserted him in her
entrance "Aaaah Nqo.. Nqo!"
Me: "Mmmh!!!" We were looking into each other's eyes. I started moving.
Hlelo: "Yesss Yess, I love it!!" She was really vocal and it fuelled me even me
Me: "Shhhit." I flipped her over and she started riding me and that threw me over
the edge, this girl was going to be the death of me, she had too much energy, I
couldn't keep up. After she got tired of riding I made her bend over and her tiny
ass was in the air.
Hlelo: "Right there aaah!! Im cumming aaah.”
Me: “Wait for me.” I was also right behind her. My pace was even more intense
and we both came apart at the same time. I kissed the back of her neck as I pulled
out. She had no mark on her body, she was perfect. “Oh shit.”
Hlelo: “What?”
Me: “We didn’t use a condom.”
Hlelo: “Please take me home Nqobani.” She sounded pissed and I wasn’t
expecting that because I was still in the moment.
Me: “So you just going to use me for sex than leave?”
Hlelo: "I think that's what Sex and Mockery is about, we both benefited and its
time I left.
Me: “I love cuddling so I am getting that benefit." She was shocked and I didn't
care. "How about we cuddle and we get the pill in the morning?” she nodded
“You don’t have to worry about being sick I am a safe person and I test very
often.”
Hlelo: “Okay.” I went to fetch a towel and wiped us and I got in bed and we spoke.
She was really an interesting person. Too much energy. Things got heated again,
she was about to suck my dick. Of course I wanted her to, it was head but I
wanted her to only suck my dick like I only ate her pussy. Yeah I was selfish, I
expected it but I hardly
Me: “Before we get too far, one of my rules is you only suck my dick.” she laughed
Hlelo: “Oh so you want me to suck just your dick?” she gave me a questioning
look with a smile. It made me chuckle.
Me: "Mmmh just like I am the only one eating that pussy."
Hlelo: "That's a crazy rule but fine, rules can be broken anytime anyway."
Me: "Hlelo!!" She laughed
Hlelo: "Chill, its just jokes." I gave her a chuckle. "I am over this conversation." She
started kissing me and we went for our second until fifth round and we dosed off
after a long argument about sleeping over. She didn't want to and I didn't have a
problem with it.
========
Mimi No!!!! Baby I am here, hold on mama ka Njabulo!!!!" She was dying. I
couldn't afford to lose her. "Dammit Mimi!!! Baby you need to fight Njabulo and I
need you, don't close your eyes!!!" She slowly shut her eyes, her face faded
“Mimi! Mimi!"
Voice: "Nqobani!"
Me: "Mimi!"
Hlelo: " “Vuka Nqobani.” I jumped only to be met by her pretty face.
Me: “What happened?” I was still breathing heavily and I was sweating like I had
been running
Hlelo: “It was just a bad dream.” we all know it wasn't. She hugged me “Its okay, I
am here.” She held me against her breasts and rocked me back and forth. This is
not the way I had envisioned our night together.
Me: “I would understand if you wanted to leave.”
Hlelo: “Don’t be a jerk. So you just going to use me for sex than tell me to leave?”
I chuckled, she was using my words against me. "I know we all about Sex and
Mockery but I am also human. If you need to be alone I understand, I can go."
Me: “I don’t want you to go.” suddenly, I felt vulnerable and exposed. I didn't
trust myself as a man around her.
Hlelo: "Okay. What do you need?"
Me: "You." I started kissing her roughly and she just took it. I needed to release
somehow. She started stroking my now erected penis, I wanted to take her but I
was going to hurt her. I stopped
Me: “Come lets sleep.” She looked at me as if I am crazy “I am going to hurt you if
we were to have sex. I have issues and that wasn’t a nightmare, it was just a
memory I have been trying so hard to forget.”
Hlelo: “Let me help you. I also heard what you were saying and I understand.” So
she's been downplaying it this whole time. We had rough and intense sex and she
allowed me to release my pain on her and to think it wasn't even her fault “Its
okay.” I was checking out the marks on body.
Me: “I am sorry.” I was crying. She wiped my tears
Hlelo: “Come lets go shower.” She pulled out of bed and we took a shower and I
gave her one of my t-shirt while I wore sweat pants and a vest. It was already
morning. She made us breakfast and I ate “Take these, they will help with sleep.
Take one please.” She packed her things
Me: “Where are you going?”
Hlelo: “I need to get home. The nanny goes to church on Saturdays and its also
King Sbonga day and I cant disappoint him.”
Me: “I can take you.”
Hlelo: “I have already called a cab.”
Me: “Cancel it than.” She nodded. I was going to take the pill later. I led us to my
car and I drove us back to Joburg. We went to the nearest pharmacy for the
emergency pill. I drove her to her estate . That neighbourhood was for people
with serious money “How do you afford this place?”
Hlelo: "My parents bought it for my brothers and I after we passed matric.” I
nodded “That grey house by the corner.” I parked in front of the gate
Me: “We’ll talk on the phone I guess.”
Hlelo: “Okay.”
Me: "Don't be a stranger." She giggled
Hlelo: "We'll see."
Me: "I am really sorry."
Hlelo: "It's all good. Bye now." We hugged and she got out the car. I didn't know
what to make the events that situation, What she did for me that day was
everything, I felt grateful instead of judgement. The person she saw was the real
me, weak and vulnerable and she didn't flinch. My nightmares had to show up
when she was around nxa. I drove to Soweto and I found Nolwazi and Sne eating
greasy food.
Me: “I am sorry I left you guys, I had to go somewhere.”
Nolwazi: “We understand bhuti.”
Me: “So did you have fun, I can see Thabo bought you home safely.”
Sne: “Lots of it bhuti and he was our bodygaurd. Almost killed half of the guys
who were hitting on Lwazi.” I laughed
Me: "Good! I would've done the same."
Nolwazi: "There won't be a wedding from me if you keep that up."
Me: “That's exactly what I want. I am glad you had fun guys.” They carried on
eating while we watched tv. They remenised about their night out and showing
me the videos they took.

»46«
HLANGA
Thingo: "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN HLANGALEZWE??" Exams were really stressing
my wife, she was lashing out at me. I couldn't wait until they were over so I could
get my happy and bubbly wife back
Me: "I went to buy you chicken feet like you asked me to."
Thingo: "Oh, I thought you left me." Tears ran down her cheeks, wow. "Thank
you" she kissed me
Me: "Not in a million years Thingo lwam. Come here." I opened my arms for a hug
"If I leave where can I possibly go?"
Thingo: "Don't know, you left me for Sino at some point." Wow!
Me: "Siphosethu that was a year ago and I thought we forgave each other for our
mistakes and moved on."
Thingo: "Forgave maybe. I haven't forgotten and I am still angry, now get me
some vinegar."
Me: "For what?"
Thingo: "Yekala(leave it) Hlangalezwe, I'll do it myself like everything around
here." Wow!
Me: "Thingo are you trying to say I am useless husband?"
Thingo: "Your words not mine, you are certainly not useful because I have to fetch
the vinegar myself, wooo you annoy shem!!" She cringed as she walked to the
kitchen. I followed her
Me: "I am going to leave and be useless somewhere else." She was pissing me off
She laughed
Thingo: "Go be useless with Sino, she likes them useless vele."
Me: "Mxm!" I took my car keys and left. I wasn't in a mood honestly. While I was
driving my mother called, she's been calling us a lot actually, twice a day
sometimes
Me: "Ntombi ka Nyambose." She laughed, Ntombizodwa was her name.
Ma: "Nyambose ka Rainbow." We laughed my mother was my favorite woman,
followed by Banele and Thingo knew that. "How are you doing, is Siphosethu
okay?"
Me: "Exam stress has her hard. She is lashing out on me and its driving me crazy."
She laughed
Ma: "You are so hopeless. Take care of her make sure she eats all 3 meals of the
day and she drinks a lot of water maybe even take her to the doctor so she can
get proper, prescribed vitamins."
Me: "I'm a military doctor anyways, what do I know. I'll do that maybe it will
help." She laughed
Ma: "Okay. I guess will see you after her exams."
Me: "Of course, that's if I am not working."
Ma: "Hlangalezwe ubaba and uBab Gumede have been looking into Siphosethu's
father and it seems as though they still do things the old fashion way."
Me: "What does that mean ma?" I didn't like where this conversation was going
Ma: "Calm down Hlanga. We have to be prepared for the possibility that
Siphosethu might have to be the princess of uMzinyathi. I don't like it
Hlangalezwe, she's ours now."
Me: "That's not happening ma, Siphosethu didn't grow up as royalty. She had this
life and she's my wife now and nothing is changing that. If this Inkosi wants a fight
than so be it."
Ma: "You don't fight royalty Hlangalezwe."
Me: "Watch me!! We'll talk later ma, Lonhle is calling me."
Ma: "Okay, tell him to call me when you are done."
Me: "Will do." We hung up and answered Lonhle's call "Bafo."
Lonhle: "I am ClubSenses with Nqobani."
Me: "Sure. Call Ntombi bafo" I hung up. I was actually on my way there myself.
Thingo needed space and I was giving it to her. I got to the club and it was a full
table, Nqobani's doing. We chilled and drank with my brothers. Between work,
the gang and me being a husband I hardly had time to just chill with my boys.
We've really come far.
Lonhle: "So I met the perfect girl and I think I fucked it up."
Nqobani: "How so?"
Me: "What did you do?"
Lonhle: "MaGumede." I laughed
Me: "What the hell, you do not land a girl like uGugulethu and fuck it up. She's the
next best thing after my wife of course."
Them: "We know." They said sarcastically and we laughed
Me: "I mean she's from a good family, she's mature and she good on the eye."
Nqobani: "Sounds like a full package to me. How did you fuck it up because I know
you not a player." My brother was the opposite of me and Nqobani when it came
to relationships. He's the ultimate good guy.
Lonhle: "Bokang and I broke up. It was a mutual decision, we wanted different
things from life and we weren't going to get them from each other. When we
agreed to break up we also agreed to friendship and it was great. She moved on
with someone else and it wasn't dramatic, then Gugulam came yeses." He was
smiling "She drives me crazy, she leaves me speechless. I usually win girls with
money, you know dates and whatever but her, its different. She has it all and all
she needs is you coming to her with a tight story and thats where I become
tongue-tied."
Me: "Get to the fuck up Mpilonhle." It was a really interesting story. He took a sip
of his beer
Lonhle: "I posted Bokang on instagram, it was her birthday and it was innocent.
She did on mine and I felt I should do it on hers. MaGumede took it the wrong
way and she was a girl about it and I understood, it kinda seemed shady. I
handled the situation and we were good and her and The King were even
spending the weekend with me until Bokang colapsed at work and I was her
emergency contact. I guess she didn't change it after meeting the new guy and he
was in Botswana together with her family. I couldn't leave her alone since she was
going for surgery."
Nqobani: "You did a noble thing. Call your girl and make her see reason."
Hlanga: "You didn't fuck up, you failed to communicate."
Lonhle: "I was going to let her in on the whole situation once I had handled it but
she's been ignoring my calls and you know how tight the estate security is, you
can't even bribe them."
Me: "So what's your plan?"
Lonhle: "I'll talk to Siphosethu, they are best friends I am sure she can at least get
her to answer my calls. I really desperate Hlangalezwe." He really was, he even
had begging eyes
Me: "Okay, it might work. Talk to her."
Lonhle: "I will." We carried on drinking and my wife texted red faces followed by a
phone call
Me: "Mamasekhaya."
Thingo: "Baby come back home, I miss you so much." She was sulking and I liked
it.
Me: "You chased me away Thingo lwam."
Thingo: "I was being crazy Nyambose wam, come home and I have a surprise for
you, it rhymes with ex, flex and dex." I laughed so hard
Me: "I am on may way baby and I am bringing something that rhymes with brick,
flick and chick." We laughed so hard. I do not know how I made it through life
without her because if she were to die or leave I'd probably die with her because
there was no way out of this.
Thingo: "Hurry because my what rhymes with fussy, sussy and tussy is waiting for
you." I was on my feet already.
Me: "I'm on my way baby, should I bring you anything?"
Thingo: "Chicken licken hot wings, don't forget their atchaar."
Me:"Cinnabon?"
Thingo: "No! It made me sick the last time I had them, lets put them on hold.
Don't forget steamed bread, now get home." She hung up. Her list required me
to drive to Soweto that's the only place I was going to get steamed bread.
Nqobani: "You and Thingo are nasty." I laughed, I totally forgot about them
Me: "Mxm please."
Lonhle: "You bringing what rhymes with brick, flick and chick. Dude thats your
dick." We laughed
Me: "Exactly!!"
Lonhle: "What is she bringing?"
Nqobani: "What does it rhyme with?" I laughed "I actually like this game."
Me: "Yay! Get your own game. Bye guys my wife is waiting." We shook hands. "I
guess I'll see you at the crib?"
Lonhle: "I'll see you tomorrow after the game I just heard." I laughed and left
them. I got home and found her and Bheka buried on their books. My excitement
died, this was the downside of being married to a student.
Me: "Khumalo."
Bheka: "Bab' Mthethwa." We shook hands
Thingo: "Baby I am just explaining something to him real quick then I am yours."
Me: "Okay." Real quick turned to two hours later because law wasn't
straightforward.
Thingo: "I am really sorry about that. He's a little panicked and I couldn't chase
him away."
Me: "You are going to pay for making me wait Thingo lwam." She wrapped her
arms around my neck and I held her waste. We kissed
Thingo: "Don't be too hard on me I am your baby." She said in a squeaky voice, I
laughed and we carried on kissing.
Me: "No promises." She took off my top and I helped her out of her dress and I sat
on the couch while I admired her body, dammit
"Perfect!" I said in a soft tone. She sat on top of me and we carried on making out,
slowly. I moved to her boobs
Thingo: "Aaaah" we in our zone and next thing a sound that wasn't sexual was
audible
Me: "Baby did you just fart."
Thingo: "No." There was a smell and everything and it was bad. I laughed so hard
and next thing she cried
Me: "Baby come on." She stood up and ran upstairs and I followed her there
Thingo: "leave me alone Hlangalezwe." I threw myself next to her on the bed. She
was under the covers.
Me: "Baby."
Thingo: "I am so embarrassed Nyambose leave me alone. I thought it was going to
be the silent one." She didn't help by explaining herself. I couldn't hold it in, I
cracked up
Me: "Its all good baby. Its just you and I." I brushed the covers "Show me your
face phela mamasekhaya."
Thingo: "No you are still laughing and I killed the mood."
Me: "Not at all sthandwa sam. If you are still naked under these covers at the
sight of you flawless body, trust me Nyambose omncane will reveal himself." She
giggled "Come on baby." She uncovered herself "I love you Thingo lwam, fart and
everything." We laughed
Thingo: "I love you too sthandwa sam." She moved closer to me and she pecked
my lips, I deepened the kiss. No fart formed against shall prosper. I unhooked her
bra and started sucking her boobs again. "Baby careful, my boobs are really
sensitive."
Me: "I'll be careful." And she helped me out of my jeans while I helped her out of
her thong. I got in between her legs and my hand made it her royal honeypot and
it was wet. I didn't have the patience for foreplay, I quickly dropped my boxers
and positioned myself properly, I slowly entered her "Aaaah feels like home"
Thingo: "Aaaah Nyambose." I kissed her "Baby move." I slowly start moving
making sure, I upped the paced with every thrust. It felt amazing. After 3 rounds
of us expressing our love to each other we slept.
======
Chance: "We have a problem my man."
Me: "Yini Chancellor?"
Chance: "There are rumors that someone has put a R500000 bounty on us."
Me: "What that's crazy, who could it be?"
Chance: "I don't think its crazy Hlangalezwe. We screwed a lot of people back in
the day. And you know the saying "each dog has its day" is very much true in our
world." He had a point
Me: "Who could put a bounty on us Thuba and based on what?"
Chance: "It depends who's still alive and the list ain't long. Maybe you right its
crazy."
Me: "Confirm the rumors Thuba and we'll take it from there. I can't afford such
news right now while I still have to let my wife in on everything. If they're true,
deal with it and call me if you need back up."
Chance: "I am on it. Hlangalezwe stop dragging this and just tell her. There's going
to come a time when we have to be remote and trust me it wont be pretty. If this
bounty thing is true Thingo and Dimpho are not safe."
Me: "Okay I'll deal with it. Let's talk again tomorrow."
Chance: "Sure." We parted ways. He was right prolonging this wasn't helping
anyone. And if there was really a bounty on my head it was matter of time before
she found out anyway
Me: "Baby."
Thingo: "Yes baby. Wooh this case is going to be a problem and I am writing in
two days." She held her face and looked at me "Yes my love." I'll tell her after her
exam
Me: "I am really proud of you." She smiled
Thingo: "Thank you. You know me getting this degree was about me basically
making my mother proud, she really slaved for me to succeed. Then it was also
about survival but the thought of what you sacrificed for me to get here, I just
couldn't disappoint you. So on graduation day feel free to walk up the stage with
me because you have a hand in this." My wife though. I kissed her so deeply "You
are my life-line Nyambose."
Me: " Wena uThingo lwam." I kissed her again "Ngyakthanda mamasekhaya."
Thingo: "Ngyathanda nam Nyambose." We hugged
Me: "Now handle that case." I kissed her forehead and went upstairs.

»46«
CONTINUED
AZANDE
Sanda: "I am so nervous Zande."
Me: "That's why I am here. You chose me as you MoH for a reason. Baby sis you
love that man, since varsity for God's sake. You've wanted this for as long as I can
remember and I didn't fly all the way to Tanzania for my health, it was for me to
see you get your happy ending."
Sanda: "Thank you for everything and for Nathan helping us out with money." It
was quite costly getting our family to Tanzania and Nathan came to our resue. It
was innocent but a part of me felt he was softening me up.
Me: "I'll pass on your appreciation."
Sanda: "I wouldn't have gotten this far without you big sis, thank you and I love
you so much." We hugged
Me: "I love you too baby sis." I think she was about to cry "No no! Sisanda you'll
ruin your beautiful face."
Sanda: "I can't help it, I am so emotional. Please call my parents."
Me: "Okay. You look exactly how a bride should like on their wedding, perfect."
She smiled. She really did look amazing, her dress suited her slim body and I must
say I did great work with her face beat. They knew she needed them, baba and
her mother walked in.
Me: "I am going to check on Buhle."
S.Mom: "Haibo Zande, you are already an hour late."
Baba: "These things never start on time anyways."
Me: "I am coming back, I'll also check on the groom." They nodded and I left them
to have their moment. I went to find Nathan and kids at the penthouse we
booked. The wedding was at a hotel. "Is everything okay here, how's mommy's
Ella doing?" I took her from Sphe. She was growing up so fast and she was the
most adorable human being I had ever laid eyes on. Yes her father was
breathtakingly hot but what we made was extra sauce, she deserved her names "I
can't believe you are two months already." She sucked on her hand. At that
moment she was the only thing that made sense between Nathan and I. When it
came to the kids we were on common ground but our marriage was a different
story. I had even stopped planning for the damn thing. A huge part of me was
struggling to accept who my husband really was.
Nathan: "She's really growing up."
Me: "..." I wasn't talking to him, I didn't have anything good to say. His presence
was suffocating me honestly. "Get ready to go to the garden guys. Everything
she'll need is in the bag and if she needs food, I think I pumped enough milk until
after the wedding"
Sphe: "Okay. But when she starts her drama, I am sorry I don't know her." We
laughed. When Ella cried the world knew and it was unbearable.
Nathan: "Yay! My daughter is not dramatic."
Sonke: "Sisi I am ready." She was the flower girl and she loved every minute of it.
Me: "Okay wait here I'll come fetch you." I looked at the kingpin. He looked really
good, the tuxedo I had picked out for him was made for him. "You look good."
Nathan: "Thank you, you too. You've lost weight." The meal plan Ntandokazi gave
me was working wonders together with the walking I did every morning around
our neighborhood. I was back to my normal weight. "You look really good and
that dress makes it really hard for me to behave and I hate that we're not seeing
eye to eye."
Me: "I don't like it either and what pisses me off the most is that I can't do
anything about it. You are this person." At the mention of his other life, I get
pissed "I have to go."
Nathan: "Baby I love you and I am not losing you. Please, ngyacela find it in your
heart somewhere to accept it."
Me: "You are asking too much from me Nathan." I left him with his begging eyes
and it wasn't attractive. The groom was already waiting for his bride who was an
emotional and nervous wreck but baba walked her down the aisle and she was
gorgeous. The wedding was beautiful, it was really heartwarming seeing two
people who loved each other promise to do it for the rest of their lives. Then I
started to wonder what problems did they go through as a couple before they got
to that decision, was there a point where my sister had to just accept things she
wasn't okay with or even understand because she loved him? All these thoughts
were changing my mood and it wasn't good when everyone was in a celebratory
one. The wedding was great and the bride and groom were happy and we were
all so happy for them. The thought of flying back to South Africa made me so sad
because it meant I was going back to that cold house. With Nathan's constant
begging and annoying apologizies he didn't mean.
=====
Sthembi: "All I have is my story. I did everything right, I went to school and got the
qualification and later got the job I thought I wanted. I also dated all types of men
and I even had a child with one and in all those relationships I felt things that
someone who claims to be in a relationship wasn't supposed to feel. I was bullied,
I was made to feel insecure to the point that being with me was somehow a favor
and I settled even when I was being cheated on. I also subjected my daughter into
that mess, my worst failure. But things made sense when Siyanda came and he
wasn't perfect, if we were to label him he was a disaster of a man and to top it all
off he had this other life that I never even envisioned. I wont lie to you and say its
easy but with the way he made me feel and the way he treated me it made things
easier at accepting who he really was. So whatever choice you make look at the
pros cons of the whole situation." Yes Nathan called the gogos to try and convince
me to take him back. Learning that this was a crime family made me doubt things
even more but I was going to hear them out, I mean they flew all the way for this.
Me: "I understand and I'll take your advice." It was something to think about
actually. Nathan had been so perfect until this came out, so I guess we can put
good partner in the pros list. "Who's next?" They laughed
Lisa: "I would've thought Ntandokazi will be the first to talk since she loves it so
much." They laughed even harder
Ntandokazi: "Lutho ke babes. I am just here to show face because Nathan might
just kill for not coming and also the family goddess and JayJay." And she wasn't
even sitting on the couch she was playing with Ella and Jay on the floor.
Me: "What do you have to say mam Lisa?" She sipped her champagne
Lisa: "l love Quinton and when he told me about what he does when he's not
practicing law, I was shocked it was crazy I felt. But he studied law guys of course
he knew how to not get caught. Coming back to the point of me trying to
convince you to stay with Nathan is, he breaks the law yes but has that changed
your life somehow, how is it going look when he's gone? Ask yourself those
questions then decide." Those were good questions to ask myself actually. His
crimes haven't necessarily changed my life besides the fact that I had an endless
shopping allowance. Guys he bought me a Benz just because there's Ella and
JayJay. Question two, how will my life look without him? To be honest it was sad,
deep down I knew that no one will ever love me like Nathan does. Nathan cares
about me more than himself. "The truth is Azande he loves you and in my books
that's all that matters."
Me: "I hear you." We all turned to Mbali
Mbali: "Ever since I've known my husband he's been a man who takes risks. He
loved his life and because I love him I accepted him with whatever he came with,
he wasn't for me to judge. This life is hard but its possible and there is Ella and Jay
now so you also need to consider." Jah neh I kept on nodding. She was indirectly
telling me to stay with him. I didn't need Nathan and his money and he was fully
aware of that so me leaving was as easy as taking the kids and starting over
somewhere else.
Mpume: "Azande I get that you have your principles and your morals and that's a
very good thing but changing them is not wrong and changing them for love is
even better because its based on something." I nodded. It's clear that I had a lot
to think about.
Mbali: "Haibo Phakade lethu, are you sure you have nothing to say?" She was
dosing off on the play mat with Ella and Jay. She stood up and came to join us on
the couches.
Ntandokazi: "I am really good guys, you've said everything."
Me: "Thank you so much for your advice gogos. I heard everything and I'll think
about this properly."
Mbali: "Take your time sis."
Me: "Okay."
Mbali: "Okay, thank you for hosting us but I am spending the day with my boy
today so I am leaving."
Me: "Thanks for coming." We hugged
Lisa: "I am going to check on things at the spa."
Me: "Okay."
Sthembi: "I am going to abuse the spa." We laughed
Mpume: "Perks of knowing the owner."
Lisa: "I swear you gogos are going to take me out of business." We laughed and
we hugged and they left. They were a family of huggers. It was just gogo
Ntandokazi and I now because the babies were asleep.
Ntandokazi: "How far are you with Jay's birthday party?"
Me: "Sonia is handling everything, I am just an over-seer. She's Jay's mother and
she really needs this with Nathan controlling everything."
Ntandokazi: "Just give him time, he'll eventually trust Sonia again." That was the
problem, he didn't trust the mother of his son and that situation was toxic if you
asked me but Jaden deserved better so I intervened for him.
Me: "So are you really not going to advocate for iFirst born?"
Ntandokazi: "Azande whatever decision you make just make sure that you can live
with it. You are what matters in this situation." She stood up "I am so hungry, its
like I didn't eat an hour ago." Oh she was going to drop a bomb like that and then
talk about food. Her words cut deeper than all the other women. After all had
been said I was even more conflicted now, I didn't know what decision I could live
with. Nathan was my husband, love of my life, my yonkinto. There was no man for
me but Nathan but I also feared the man he was, his capabilities were extreme for
my liking and understanding. I followed her to the kitchen and she was making
home made burgers
Me: "Count me in."
Ntandokazi: "Chicken or beef?"
Me: "Beef please." She carried on doing her thing "How did you live with it?"
Ntandokazi: "First it was denial, I told him to leave Mighty Phelo at the gate and
things were going well with that mentality until I woke up one day with him going
to jail, on purpose."
Me: "WTF?" She laughed sarcastically
Ntandokazi: "Yes the idiots robbed the government because they could. He left
me with 7 kids and 2 teenagers for fucken 3 years. That's the day I woke up and
realized that love is a drug and it truly blinds you. I could've left him, it was my
choice, yes he was going to fight me but it was possible but I was going to live
with myself knowing that I only love him and plus he was the father of kids."
Me: "Tjooooh!" How dangerous were these men kant?
Ntandokazi: "That's why my only advice is, make a choice you can live with. No
regrets and no looking back." I nodded "I have a gangster baby on the way and I
am overjoyed. I don't regret anything about my life."
Me: "Okay. Thank for the advice, this is not something to take lightly."
Ntandokazi: "Its for the rest of your life and Ella and Sphe, Sonke and Lethu. You
are his family phela."
Me: "I know." She gave me my plate and we sat down on the counter and ate. I
wasn't going to let Nathan bully me into taking him back. I was going to take my
time at making a decision I can live with.

»47«
NDUMISO
Nqobani: "So you are really going ahead with this?" He was talking about my
divorce
Me: "Yes I am going ahead with it, Omuhle is dragging her feet and I really want
to put it behind me." I was really done with her
Nathan: "Are you sure whatever you guys are going through is not fixable?"
Me: "Since when are you an expert on relationships. You were a loner most of
your life Pierce and the last time I checked you live in a pool house."
Hlanga: "Ndumiso come on, you are better than this"
Me: "And to answer your question Nathan what Omuhle has put me through is
not fixable. Omuhle is selfish and so self-serving and I was so blinded by love that
I didn't see right through her. My life would've been far better had I realized this
sooner. I regret putting my sons in this sham of a marriage." I was so angry,
Omuhle lied to me for fucken 13 years, how do you look past that? "I am done
talking about my divorce. Its happening and I am not changing my mind." I left
and went to smoke outside. I was so angry, angry at so many things
Nqobani: "Let me speak my piece then you and I will never speak of your marriage
ever again." I looked at him. There was no convincing me otherwise but he had
something to say and it was best I hear him out.
Me: "I am listening."
Nqobani: "The guy I met 2 years ago once said to me "There is nothing sad than a
man who thinks love is not worth it" and he later added "I really hope you find
someone to save you from yourself. Otherwise your journey leads to a hopeless
place" that guy would've done anything for his wife, he was hopeful and happy.
To be honest I wanted to be you, feel what you were feeling. You were so
passionate and you really opened my eyes that day. I even tried a relationship
with Palesa which lead to Mimi and I don't regret any of my choices even though I
am down right now, I still wake up every day with the mentality that my journey
will not lead me to a hopeless place." Was he kidding me? He wasn't being fair.
Things were great between Omuhle and I during that time. It turns out it was all a
lie.
Me: "Nqobani Omuhle is not the person I thought she was, she aborted our baby.
Tell me how do I fix that, how do I move on from that?" I looked at him "And she
kept it from me for fucken 13 years."
Nqobani: "No one is perfect Ndumiso and the last time I checked you are far from
being saint yourself and she married you anyways, think about that. Why did you
jump all the hoops if you were going to leave her anyways for doing something
that is not legal and was within her right."
Me: "She lied to me Nqobani."
Nqobani: "And wena you've been transparent with her since day one?" Of course
not "Before you start talking about lies and whatever make sure your hands are
clean Ndumiso. You have everything, a wife and kids. And from where I'm
standing you are doing everything to break your family up and to be honest I'll
lose respect for you if you succeeded. Nathan is a far better man for living in his
pool house than you." He went back into the club house. The guy really did call
me out on my shit. Hlanga came out
Hlanga: "For a while there I thought you were an honorable man. I mean you paid
your own lobola Ndumiso. You've been taking Musa's fathers crap all these years
without losing patience, all that for what?" Oh so everyone had something to say
"Why go through all that if you going to just give up. You wanna know what I
think?" I didn't want to know actually but he wanted to say something.
Me: "I'm listening."
Hlanga: "There's two sides to a story Ndumiso, whatever you feel your wife did I
am sure something led her there and you need to listen to your wife. Since Thingo
came into my life, I have learnt to be an attentive listener because sometimes
actions speak louder than words. If your marriage failed after you've done
everything in your power to make it work, then by all means leave her and I'll
even help you leave but from where I am standing your wife is fighting for this
marriage and you are not."
Me: "I am over this conversation Hlanga." I left him. They didn't understand what
I was going through, they've never been in my shoes.
=====
Jnr: "Dad I want mamiza."
Me: "She's busy Jnr."
Mpendulo: "Yeah right." He took an apple from the fridge
Me: "Mpendulo show some respect."
Mpendulo: "Dad you kicked mamiza out, she's not busy." I made a mistake that
day but I was so angry, and I get very irrational when I am angry.
Me: "Guys I am really sorry about what you saw." I really felt bad, I won't lie but I
still wanted nothing to do with her
Mpendulo: "Can we at least talk to her?"
Me: "Not at the moment." The lawyer was against us being in contact. They didn't
look happy at all and I hated that things were this way but it was for the best
"Bafana bam, its just the 3 of us now. Mamiza has her own life and we have our
own." I brushed their heads "How about we order in instead of me cooking?"
Jnr: "I am not hungry, I'll just go to bed."
Mpendulo: "I have homework."
Me: "Guys come on. I am really trying here, this is just temporary. Things will
eventually fall into place."
Them: "Okay."
Me: "You two are my boys and I'll forever do what's best for you, trust me this is
it. You and me, the 3 of us."
Them: "Okay."
Me: "Okay and I love you believe that."
Them: "We love you too."
Me: "Good. Now I'll order us some burgers and fries."
Them: "Okay." And I took my phone and ordered. We carried on watching tv and
there was a knock on the door. Mpendulo jumped and went to open.
Mpendulo: "Uncle Nathan, Grandpa!"
Nathan: "Hey buddy"
Qophelo: "Hey guys."
Jnr: "Hey grandpa. Uncle Nathan you still owe me 100 bucks from our bet."
Nathan: "Oh yes." He took it out of his pocket "Tell you what how about you and
Mpendulo give us some space."
Them: "Okay."
Me: "What can I do for you?" The atmosphere was intense. Qophelo was here to
talk about Omuhle.
Qophelo: "How did it go with the auction?" Or not
Me: "It was postponed apparently there's new evidence."
Qophelo: "New evidence? Is it possible that he has managed to track down
uGugulethu?"
Me: "Could be, the James family is very powerful and connected so its possible."
Nathan: "We'll be on the look out Big guy."
Qophelo: "You better be, Nathan you the best at this."
Nathan: "I am on it. Melisizwe won't even get a sniff on Sbonga."
Qophelo: "Okay then" they both stood up
Nathan: "I didn't get to say this the other day. As Musa's big brother, fuck you and
you didn't deserve her anyway."
Me: "I didn't deserve her?" I laughed "No she didn't deserve me. I was good to
her."
Nathan: "Keep telling yourself that, let's call a spade a spade Ndumiso, you are a
thug and once a thug, always a thug. You are the guy who sticks around when
things are great, the honeymoon phase guy. When the time for you to actually be
a man and step up, you choose to run. Musa is better off without you." I looked at
Qophelo who was just blank
Me: "Mxm! Anything else you wanna say about how I don't deserve your princess
because you never accepted me and I didn't match your standard."
Qophelo: "No I'm good, you proved to be exactly what I knew you are."
Me: "What? What do you mean by that?" I didn't want to know actually "You
know what I don't care what you think of me. I am glad I am out and I don't have
to take your crap anymore. Having to constantly feel like I didn't deserve your
daughter." He laughed and that didn't happen often
Qophelo: "You are an idiot. You are an idiot for thinking you deserved her to
begin with. You don't deserve anyone Ndumiso when you are in this game but if
you get someone who actually gives you a shot you hold on to it. I was hard on
you because I knew your capabilities, Musa deserved the best and in my books it
wasn't you but she felt differently and it was her choice to make so I blessed your
marriage and I also knew you could handle anything I throw at you. As for
standards just because you feel insecure about it please don't make it my
problem. Ndumiso I took you under my wing and I treated like my son and you
later went and married my daughter. Put yourself in my shoes, was what you did
okay?" It was weird being with Omuhle in the beginning I won't lie. We hid it from
everyone for a long time because Qophelo felt like a father to me and for a while I
felt I betrayed him. I really thought him giving us his blessing meant he was
accepting of us but its clear that I read the situation wrong.
Me: "I thought you were over this Big guy." I felt small for some weird reason
Qophelo: "I am not. This divorce is best for you and not my daughter and as much
as I knew one day she's probably going to end up a widow but she was happy and
that's all I ever wanted for her. Now she cries none stop and I can't do anything
about it." He left my apartment and Nathan followed. Things took a different turn
after that confrontation. Our food came and we ate with my boys. They were
really not happy and maybe them having a relationship with Omuhle wasn't a bad
idea. She'll never hurt them, I knew that. As for her and I, we are done and I
wasn't changing my mind.
MUSA
Lawyer: "The cars are in his name and he's more than happy to leave them for
you. The apartment is both in your names and he doesn't want it."
Me: "Are you kidding me, Ndumiso doesn't want anything that has to do with me,
he just wants me gone."
Lawyer: "This is a good deal Mrs Duma take it and go."
Me: "And the kids?"
Lawyer: "You two don't have kids of your own and he didn't include his kids on
the clause."
Me: "Okay. Give me a week to read it and I'll get back to you."
Lawyer: "Okay." I took the divorce papers and drove to work. I requested leave,
something I had never done before.
Me: "My family needs me right now, we are going through a lot. I won't be the
best at my game if I carry this with me."
Boss: "I am really sorry to hear that. Take all the time you need, as long as you are
coming back. Musa this organization can't afford to lose you." The truth was
hockey wasn't the same anymore. Its Ndumiso and the kids I wanted.
Me: "Thank you for approving this." I left her office and went to speak with the
team about my leave, they were also disappointed but I really needed this. I gave
them a motivational speech and I watched them train a bit and I drove home. I
packed my suitcase and left for Johannesburg.
Mamazi: "Hey baby" she opened her arms for a hug. I needed it "You and me
need to talk." She wiped my tears.
Me: "Okay. Where's everyone?"
Mamazi: "They are busy, its just Sbonga and I since he boycotted school. Should I
make you something to eat while you tell me why you look so bony and like you
haven't slept in days?"
Me: "Okay." It was best I tell someone "The reason for the divorce is kids,
Ndumiso really wanted us to have them and I did everything not to have them.
Mamazi I am scared of having children of my own. My mother died giving birth to
me and I had this fear that it might happen to me and my kids will never get to
know me."
Mamazi: "Awu sisi and you been keeping this in for so long? That's not healthy."
Me: "I see that now. This fear has made me a bad wife, I have been absent in my
marriage until Ndumiso got fed up and honestly I don't blame him. To make
matters worse in my 3rd year in varsity I found out I was pregnant and it was the
time he was in hospital." My family didn't know about Ndu's drug use and I
wanted it to stay that way.
Mamazi: "You terminated?" I nodded slowly
Me: "Ndumiso and I weren't ready to be parents mamazi. My scholarship was on
the line and he was sick on top of that he was taking care of his sisters. It
would've been a bigger burden."
Mamazi: "Are you okay? Did you go for counselling?" She looked worried about
me
Me: "I am fine and no I didn't."
Mamazi: "Okay. We'll set up an appointment with my psychiatrist just to get a feel
of your emotional state. There's a lot going on in your life right now and it seems
as though the root of it all is your mother dying." I looked at her "Terminating was
an easy decision for you to make because of what you went through. You didn't
seek anyone's help Musomuhle. You decided on your own to terminate. Its the
first time I am hearing of this and I am your mother. Even if termination was the
best option for you but you were not supposed to go through it alone."
Me: "I didn't want anyone to know especially Ndumiso. He didn't need the
stress."
Mamazi: "Stop using Ndumiso as an excuse Musomuhle. Take responsibility for
your actions, own your decision. You practiced your right and its fine. Musomuhle
never apologize for your choices and decisions."
Me: "Mamazi, I feel awful. Ndumiso proved to me that opening up doesn't help,it
makes matters worse. He's even taken the boys from me and I can't lose them
mamazi." I didn't know Ndumiso was capable of being like this. To me he's always
been a man who wanted to do what was right and best for everyone, I guess to
him being out of their life was best.
Mamazi: "Musa I am worried about your mental health right now and Ndumiso
needs time to accept things. If you just opened up to him now after so many years
and it such news, news of a child you guys never had, its a hard pill to swallow
and you have to give him time to digest everything." Maybe she was right
Me: "Okay I'll give him time. I love him mamazi."
Mamazi: "I know baby. Give him time but you also need to understand where he's
coming from Musomuhle and whatever decision he makes you need to accept it."
Me: "Hawu mamazi."
Mamazi: "It will be hard I know baby but that's life Musa and you need to learn to
accept things. I'll get you through this, you are not always alone."
Me: "Okay, and thank you." We hugged and she gave me my food. She does that,
whenever one is not fine, she offers food and to be honest it helps. Baba came
from wherever and he joined the comfort session
Baba: "I am really sorry you going through this." He hugged me "We'll get through
this, you are not alone."
Me: "I know and thank you. I know I can't change his mind I just want him to give
the boys and I a chance baba."
Baba: "They're his kids Musa and there's nothing you can do about it. Baby let this
go and find it in your heart to accept things and move on."
Me: "I need time baba."
Baba: "Take all the time you need as long as you are dealing with this."
Me: "Okay." Hlelo and everyone came back from campus and we chilled as a
family. Being married made me miss a lot of these family moments.
Hlelo: "Mamazi has a scan tomorrow and we are all going."
Lakhe: "Of course. Malo told me their are flying in first thing tomorrow morning."
Mamazi: "Guys you making a big deal out of this and its too much pressure, my
baby is not even born yet. And we still not sure about the paternity." She said
laughing. Mamazi was crazy.
Baba: "Mxm, you are crazy that's my baby girl." Yes mamazi was having a baby
girl. It was an achievement at home because we didn't have enough girls I feel.
"We haven't even started yet, we have a parade and everything for when you give
birth with a banner that reads "MANGCINA BIRTHS MANGCINA" we laughed
Me: "I'll be skyping Nosipho throughout the whole thing."
Hlelo: "I thought we were going with Gwinya as her nickname."
Baba: "We are not giving my baby girl a food nickname."
Mamazi: "Ngeke! Kids are mean on the playground Hlelo. We have to come with a
better nickname, I am running a competition." She clapped in excitement
Alime: "Winner gets what?"
Mamazi: "Ama huggies!!!"
Lunathi: "Pass."
Mamazi: "Mxm." We laughed and the competition started. I really missed this,
maybe divorce wasn't such a bad idea if I had such people on my side.
======
I opened my eyes and I was in an unfamiliar room. Then memories of the previous
night came back. Ndumiso and I met at his apartment to talk about me having a
relationship with the boys after the divorce. It wasn't the outcome I had prepared
myself for but next thing he was me to spend the night. He was really sending me
mixed signals. I turned and looked at him, maybe there was hope after the night
we had, I really loved him and I didn't want anyone else, so I took what he gave
me. I woke up and went to take a shower and I started with breakfast. Everyone
was sleeping in, it was a Saturday. I made a farm style breakfast while I was busy
he walked in still disoriented. His body was still so amazing
Me: "Morning."
Ndumiso: "You still here." Ouch "Omuhle last was great but I am really done and
you didn't need to make breakfast the boys and I have things handled."
Me: "Ndumiso I am not some whore you picked up in the streets, I am still your
wife."
Ndumiso: "You agreed to sign the divorce papers if you get access to the boys and
you signed the papers, so to me its over." He drank his water and left the kitchen.
I went to wake the boys up and we had breakfast just the three of us. We made
plans about the future, I had to rearrange my life if things were going to work out.
They were all I had from my marriage.
Me: "I love you guys and dad loves you, don't doubt that and our divorce is not
your fault. We'll make this new situation work all four us, okay?"
Them: "Okay."
Me: "Call me anytime and I'll come running."
Mpendulo: "I love you mamiza"
Jnr: "Me too." We hugged
Me: "I love you even more." I took my handbag and left. I got to my car and wept,
I was so heartbroken, I was even more broken by the previous night. I could've
done things differently, I realized that now. This was a lesson on my part, to
always be transparent. A huge part of me really wished things didn't end this way
but Ndumiso wouldn't have been happy and I had become toxic for him. Its time I
accepted things and move on, I never envisioned myself starting over, where do I
even start?

»47«
CONTINUED
HLELO
Bheka: “You look different, I don’t know happy.” I laughed “Guy happy.” I was still
laughing. He was crazy this one.
Me: “Bhekamamntungwa!! Cant a girl be girl happy?”
Bheka: “What? You do girl-on-girl now, that’s hot?” we laughed
Thingo: “I wouldn’t be surprised.” Wow! My friends made me a whore guys “So
who is she?”
Me: “Its self-love guys for real.”
Thingo: “If you were on the stand right now ncinci.” She shook her head in
disapproval.
Bheka: “Your ass will be in jail for false testifying.” Law was our thing to a point
were it was a joke.
Me: “mxm. Cela ngingiyeke(please leave me alone).” we laughed.
Thingo: “Hlelo you have a hickey at the back of your neck, now out with it.” I held
my neck trying to hide it. I should have left my weave loose.
Me: “There is nothing to tell.” there was really nothing, Nqobani and I were just
having fun.
Thingo: “Whatever. You know you the only interesting part in my life right?”
looked at her and she was close to laughing “I am serious, I live off your dramatic
love life. You are my own personal Molly.” I laughed so much
Me: “That’s what I told Emma.”
Thingo: “And I am Tiffany.”
Me: “You cant be ‘Bow she is too fake and acts all perfect.”
Thingo: “Yes kanti her marriage is falling apart.”
Bheka: “I may not know what you two are talking about but I think your marriage
will fall apart when Hlanga is dead.”
Thingo: “I didn’t say my marriage is falling apart, I was just adding to what Hlelo
was saying. Dude I am going to hook you up with Insecure, Hlanga is obsessed
with it like I am.”
Me: “What? That’s weird ‘Bow, why would let him watch Insecure, it's so girly.”
Thingo: “Girl we are married he has no choice but to like the things I watch. Do
you think I like playing video games or soccer highlights? Pssh!” it made sense it
was all about compromise.
Bheka: “I am too young for such sacrifices. I love my freedom.”
Me: “Of course you do. Mind you, you are 25 years old.”
Bheka: “Age is just a number boo.” We laughed and we carried having lunch. I
really loved them and we were going places with these two. “Some idiot has been
eyeing you guys.”
Thingo: “I also noticed him. Oh my! I think he is coming here.” I turned, oh my, I
wasn’t ready for that
Me: “Floyd.”
Floyd: “So you ditch our date and don’t answer my texts, what was that about?”
He was the guy I had my tongue down his throat according to Nqobani. He
seemed pissed, I guess he had a right to. I pulled him to the side
Me: “I am sorry, things got really weird that night.”
Floyd: “I thought we were vibing and you down for this.” He pointed at him and i.
I was so turned off, I didn’t like they way he was talking to me. He had this hip
hop thing going on and it wasn’t sexy. It was fine on tv but to share a bed with I
wasn’t so sure, I think Nqobani had ruined me for varsity boys. He was a man's
man if you know what I mean.
Me: “You and I aren’t going to work out Floyd, my schedule is too tight for this.” I
also point at us “It was good seeing you.” I hugged him and I left him before he
talked me out of my decision.
Thingo: “Girl, you can do better than lela nigger.” I laughed, Thingo was an idiot.
Bheka: “Hayi ntwana umathafakha!!” they were laughing.
Me: “My life is a joke to you guys.” I joined in the laughter, there was no point in
being mad because they were right. We went to study at the library. Books are
exhausting and there's so much one can take, after we were fed up, we called it a
day
Thingo: “Study group is at my house this weekend. And better be prepared
Professor Nyambose is on a mission.”
Bheka: “What are you talking about?”
Thingo: “Hlanga quizzes me and it helps. It might help you guys as well.”
Me: “I am coming, I need to ace everything 'Bow.”
Bheka: "I share that sentiment."
Thingo: “Then come prepared and he hits me with integrated questions."
Me: "Even better. Should I bring anything?"
Thingo: "The usual."
Bheka: “Okay." We hugged “I will see you on Saturday night then.” He left us
Thingo: "Oooooh I almost forgot. Mpilo said to tell you that, you two need to
talk." That idiot "Am I missing something?"
Me: "Not at all. There's nothing to talk about, he should just leave me alone." I
still pissed at him.
Thingo: "Gugulethu" she gave me a questioning look
Me: "Arg! 'Bow it ended before it even began. Mpilo is still hung up on his ex and
he doesn't want to admit it. I generally liked the guy, to think I was about to bring
in my son in all this mess." I felt like an idiot.
Thingo: "Did something happen between you two?"
Me: "We've gotten to second base and shared a bed and a shower. Its not deep, I
can still recover, no actually I have recovered."
Thingo: "And the hickey?"
Me: "One of Nathan's friends." I covered my face just to avoid her judging look
"It's just sex, I don't want a relationship 'Bow but I do need someone to service
me and he does an amazing job hehe!"
Thingo: "Mmm. I am still saying I live off your dramatic life." We laughed "Don't
you need a ride?"
Me: "Nah I'll catch a ride with Lunathi, thanks for the offer."
Thingo: "I guess I'll see you this weekend."
Me: "You bet." We hugged and parted ways.
=====
Nqobani: "Bummer! I was actually looking forward to seeing him." He was talking
about my son and thank God he wasn't around. Everyone had gone to Auntiza
wam for the weekend and I couldn't go because of my study group
Me: "Sorry next time." He handed me my car keys "Thank you so much.” I kissed
his cheek and he chose to kiss my lips
Nqobani: “You welcome.” he was smiling.
Me: “Where are the receipts so I can give them to the guy and he can just
reimburse you?” he handed them to me. It was really sweet of him, my insurance
could have handled things through
Nqobani: "You can keep the money, consider it a thank you for that day."
Me: "You really shouldn't have but thank you anyway." I looked at the receipt
"Nqobani don’t think that guy can afford R20 000, its too much."
Nqobani: “That’s for the risk he took when he decided to drive drunk. He must
pay all of it, I will make sure of it.”
Me: “Aye okay. Do you want to come in for juice or whatever?” we had been
standing outside the gate of my house.
Nqobani: "Are you sure its juice you want to offer me?" He played with his
eyebrows and I laughed.
Me: "The juice is for you, you'll need the energy." We laughed
Nqobani: "Hehehe, is it?"
Me: "Yup."
Nqobani: "We shall see." I was getting some, my clit was already flickering. We
went in and I led us to my room. “Get comfy while I go pour you something to
drink.”
Nqobani: “Maybe later.” He pulled me to him “Come here.” We started kissing. It
was slow and passionate, I don't think it was okay. There was too much emotion
in this kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck while his hands went under my
top and it unhooked my bra. As our tongues danced with each other, he
massaged my nipples and breasts
Me: “aaah.” I helped him out of his hoody and top while he took off my top as
well. He stopped and looked at me. I didn't like where this was going, he looked at
me like he was searching my soul. We went back to kissing, I tried to rush things
but he overpowered me and was on the slow train. I unzipped his jeans while he
helped me out of my jeans as well. I went on my knees and dropped his brief and
his dick sprung free. He pulled me up and he started playing with my clit, which
was causing me to moan because he was doing nice and slow. He laid me on the
bed and started kissing me from my neck downward to my flat tummy. Leaving
wet kisses and hickeys on certain spots. He was taking his time, he bit my inner
thighs causing me to jerk up and open my legs, I was already dripping wet. He
planted kisses and left bites close to my honeypot, he bit on my lace pantys and
took them off in that manner. It was a serious turn on, he introduced his tongue
and started licking and sucking my clit. I was losing control over my body, I had my
hands on his bald head pushing him deeper and he stopped. He went on and
planted kisses upwards and sucked one of my nipples while rubbing the other and
he did the same thing to the other and he was killing me. I laid there not knowing
what to do with my hands or self. "Aaaah Nqo...Nqo." it felt amazing. "I am
ready.” I was really desparate now. He chuckled
Nqobani: “Don’t rush me.” He stopped kissing my neck and stroked his very
beautiful big black penis “This is all yours.” it was hard with veins popping out
Me: “I want it, all of it, now.” I was pleading with him and he had a smirk on his
face. He was going to be the death of me.
Nqobani: “Oh you gon get it. Now open up for me.” with pleasure papa. I opened
my legs and he got in between them and kissed my lips slowly. He went to kissing
my neck all the way down to my honeypot. Next thing he flips over and makes me
sit on his face with my face looking at his very aroused penis. I didn’t hesitate, I
put it in my mouth and took the tip and rubbed at the roof of my mouth. I sucked
him hard “Aaaaah Hlelo! Don't stop!.” He said in a low tone. The more I sucked
him the deeper his tongue went in. I couldn’t suck him properly instead I started
grinding his tongue. All the vibrations of lips on my honeypot and the groaning
were making it hard for me not to scream. Yes I was screaming.
Me: “Its soo, soo good.” It was amazing. At some point he was blowing air into it
and that caused a heatwave all over my body “Aaaaah!!! Shit!!” that was me
cumming and that heatwave heat me hard. He flipped me over again, this man
made picking me up feel like I was a paper. He grabbed the back of my neck, we
kissed hard and deeply. He would occasionally bite my lips and went to biting my
neck and sucking it hard. What we were doing that day was next level and the
amount of marks I was going to have, I didn’t want to know. He picked me up
from the bed and pinned against the wall before entering my entrance “Shit!” he
entered me hard! I had never had sex like that before. That day proved to me that
Nqobani was a man and an experienced one
Nqobani: “Fuck!! feels even better.” He pulled out and slammed into me hard
making me go up the wall, I screamed louder the more he moved. And the more I
screamed the faster and hard he moved, I had my nails buried deep into his skin.
He stopped moving and pressed his forehead against mine breathing heavily, we
looked at each other. We smiled and had a silent conversation, we were both
enjoying this. He gave me incredible slow thrusts and I loved them. I was slowly
building up. “Nqobani I need you to go deeper and faster.” The man gave it to me
just the way I wanted, 3 deep and fast thrusts and I came apart “Aaah!! You are
amazing.” I kissed him. He tried putting me down “I cant feel my legs.” He laughed
Nqobani: “I make you weak in the knees huh, literally?” he was still laughing. He
made me lie on the bed.
Me: “Mxm. Uyabhora.” I noticed again that we didn’t use a condom “Nqobani, we
need to stop being reckless at least pull out.”
Nqobani: “I am sorry!” he rested next to me "I'll take that juice now." I laughed
Me: "You saw where the kitchen is."
Nqobani: "Hawu, his this how you treat all your guest?"
Me: "Mxm." I got out of bed and went to my bathroom and wipe my burning
nuna. I went back to my room and he was looking at my wall collage
Nqobani: "Who are all these people. The only face recognize is Nathan."
Me: "These are my parents."
Nqobani: "Wait! This is Qophelo and his brother." He looked at me "You are his
daughter, how?"
Me: "Adopted." He nodded
Nqobani: "This is Thingo and that weird guy. How do you know her?"
Me: "Thingo and Bheka are my best friends. We study law together."
Nqobani: "Wooooah! Your surname is Gumede?"
Me: "Yeah Hlelolwenkosi Gugulethu Gumede, why are we getting personal now?"
Nqobani: "Aah!!! Fuck." He seemed shocked
Me: "Are you okay?"
Nqobani: "Yeah it's fine, never mind."
Me: "Okay, I actually need to go to Thingo's house now, we have a study session"
Nqobani: "Okay." He didn't seem fine, his mind was far away "Hlelo what we
doing here has to stay between us. You cant even tell your friends about it."
Me: "The last time I checked this was nothing. I really need to get going."
Nqobani: “I am taking you out for food.”
Me: “I will eat there.”
Nqobani: “We still need to buy the emergency contraception.” yes please
Me: “Okay, let's go.” We drove to the pharmacy and we went to Nandos, we ate
and I drove to Northcliff. Next thing the guy is behind me. "Are you following
me?"
Nqobani: "Don't flatter yourself, this is my second home."
Me: "Good! I mean I know once you go Hlelo you cant go back and I figured I had
you hooked on this." I pointed at myself. We laughed
Nqobani: "You are crazy." We were still laughing "Remember this is just our
thing."
Me: "Cool." I wonder why he needed this to be on the down low because I was
pretty sure no one cared. “Hey good people.” to be honest I was bothered that
we had to keep it a secret. Why?
Bheka: “You are late.”
Thingo: “Hayi Hlelolwenkosi this girl of yours is on a branding mission.” I guess my
weave didn’t do the job in covering my marks.
Bheka: “Nci nci ukungcolisile yezwa(He did a number on you).” I was a little
embarrassed and thank god he wasn’t around.
Me: “I never confirmed that it was a girl. I am straight as a banana.” We laughed
Hlanga: “That’s crazy. MaGumede.” We hugged
Me: “Hey Professor bhuti.” I went to hug him “Nqobani.” We smiled at each
other.
Hlanga: “Damn it, was the guy trying to suck the blood out of you.” I laughed
because he was right here
Me: "Well have to ask him that." I said giggled
Thingo: “baby don’t box her, it could be a girl.”
Bheka: “Hlelo is freaky like that.” Hlanga was laughing while Nqobani played with
his busy eyebrows
Me: “Can we start please.” I was so embarrassed and I am sure my face said it all.
Hlanga: “Fine.” He sat down on the couch “The rules are. If you know the answer,
you put your hand up. No shouting.” We nodded “I want name of the case and
act.” Obviously “I am asking on any module."
Us: “Of course.”
Thingo: "Thank you baby for doing this.”
Hlanga: “I told you, my suit is being tailor made for your graduation so I am in
this.”
Me: “You keep forgetting the Italian shoes bhuti.” We laughed.
Hlanga: "Of course MaGumede." That was my name now. “Scenerio number 1:
Bheka Khumalo and Anna Meyer are collegues, they almost have a sexual
interaction after a very wild office party. The next day Anna tells the whole office
they are in a relationship knowing very well that office interaction are forbidden.”
We all had our hands up “Nqobani. Pick a hand.” Obviously he chose me, he was
such a hot cliché
Me: “That’s defamation of character based on the fact it she is tarnishing his
reputation.”
Nqobani: “How will you prove that in court because from where I am sitting its his
word against hers.”
Bheka: “Proving defamation of character is hard. But in this case we’ll have to go
through office footage and witness testimony since it was an office party.”
Thingo: “This one is tricky ngeke Nyambose.” He chuckled.
Hlanga: "Defamation of character was correct, where's the act and you need to
argue your case with more conviction Khumalo." We all nodded. Nqobani ended
up participating as well and we were at it for hours. Thingo and scored herself a
keeper, Hlanga was so invested, it was an amazing thing that they had. All in all, it
was a good day.

»48«
NQOBANI
I looked at her eating her food like her life depended on it. Mpilo was right, there
was something about Hlelo. Its the way she carried herself, she gave off a humble
vibe and I was so taken by her confidence.
Hlelo: "Stop staring, I am going to choke on my food."
Me: "Oh please, you'll succeed on your own, eating that wrap like its the last one
on earth."
Hlelo: "I can't help it, I am so stressed out. Exams need to end and Thingo is
driving me crazy." She wiped her mouth
Me: "Calm down, you'll ace them. Are you and Thingo fighting?"
Hlelo: "No she's just extra. Come I am done." We stood up and I paid and we went
to Clicks pharmacy. She saw the nurse and got her contraception injection and
condoms and home pregnancy tests.
Me: "I thought you said the nurse said everything is fine." I was a little panicked
actually. We couldn't afford for her to be pregnant while there was still the fact
that Mpilo was still so hung up on her and I myself couldn't get enough of her.
Hlelo: "Yes everything went well, these aren't for me." I didn't even want to know.
I paid and we went to our cars
Me: "Since hotels are out of the equation and you feel Pretoria is quite far, how
about I move this side."
Hlelo: "I don't care what you do, it's just that I am not willing to drive all the way
to Pretoria. I mean I've already given you access to my cookie, now I have to
deliver it? Psssh sorry andizi!" I laughed, she was something else
Me: "I am also giving you access to my dick."
Hlelo: "Too much access." She said in an non-interested facial expression. That
made me laugh because she liked everything I did to her and she hasn't
necessarily complained.
Me: "Stop kidding yourself, you love the Mthimkhulu dick." We both laughed
Hlelo: "You are full it! And it ain't that special."
Me: "Heheh the next time I get you in a closed room, nci nci." I shook my head
and she just laughed. This Sex and Mockery thing was working so wel and I was so
moving to Joburg. It wasn't for her, my apartment didn't feel the same anymore
and I needed change. "Am I seeing you tonight?"
Hlelo: "Nope, I am closed for business. I am writing in two days and I need to
focus."
Me: "Okay. Call me whenever then or maybe have a private study session." I
played with my eyebrows smiling. She just laughed at me.
Hlelo: "Tempting but nah." We hugged "Take care."
Me: "You too." We got into our cars and she drove off while I sat and thought
about how was I going to get myself out of this mess. Mpilonhle was my boy, him
and Hlanga were my family. Eventually whatever we were doing had to end
because so much was at stake, especially for me. I mean Nathan trusted me with
her safety and I jumped right into sleeping with her. This was a disaster waiting to
happen and I had power over it, I had to put an end to it. Alot was a stake
actually, I couldn't jeopardize my friends and family like this over one girl and
then there was the smell of her perfume that still lingered in my nostrils, it gave
me hope of seeing her beautiful face again. A face I didn't mind looking at.
=======
Cebo and Sihle together with my brother-in-law were in town. It was family get-
together thing. It was good having them around actually. While we were chilling
and Tumisang and I were on the braai stand and conversing, Hlanga texted for us
to meet at the warehouse
Me: "I'll be right back guys."
Sihle: "I am coming malume." She almost fell even wanting to come with me.
Me: "Go put on proper shoes." She ran to the house. After a while she came out
looking good and we left. I was the first to arrive and so I checked on the
shipment we were expecting. Security was still good. Hlanga was still
procrastinating about telling Thingo and Nathan was a different story.
Chance: "Was it bring kids to the warehouse day? I missed the memo clearly."
Me: "What are you talking about?"
Voice: "Papa!!!" Oh no!
Sbonga: "Papa!!!"
Nathan&Hlanga: "Papa??" I needed a cover story fast! You should've seen their
questioning faces.
Me: "Hey buddy. Are you good?" We hugged
Sbonga: "I am fine."
Me: "Go make friends with Sihle over there." And he ran
Nathan: "Am I missing something here?"
Me: "Nothing my guy. We came up with the name over pancakes, its harmless."
Nathan: "Cool. Let's get down to business." Thank God he moved on. And we
handled business. I needed to end whatever Hlelo and I were having, it was too
much of a risk.
Chance: "You two take the kids home and get this done." He was talking to Hlanga
and I.
Nathan: "Chance and I will follow the other lead."
Me: "Okay." We parted ways
Hlanga: “I was suppose to buy food and take it home but I guess I messed up.
They are on the way to get it themselves.”
Me: "You are babysitting?" He nodded smiling “I think we should get going.”
Hlanga: "I'll go drop Sbonga with his grandmother and we'll meet at the club."
Me: "I'll also take Sihle back home. Meet at the club in an hour?"
Hlanga: "Sure." We fist bumped and we left.
THINGO
Bheka: “I am coming with when you go meet him.” He commanded
Me: “Calm down Mntungwa.”
Bheka: “I am calm but I really want to be there for you Tee.” Suddenly he became
sincere.
Me: “Id really love that ntwana.”
Bheka: “I know I have never told you this but I am really thankful that we met
Thingo. Meeting you changed me.”
Me: “Me too. You were the first friend I made in jozi ntwana to me that was
everything.” He nodded and what I said was true. “Take me to that plate place
you and your friends like going to.”
Bheka: “Okay.” We went to his car and he drove us to that place I ordered my
food which was chicken curry, pap and chakalaka. I dived in, I was too hungry to
wait “You were really hungry huh?”
Me: “You have no idea.”
Bheka: “This is the third time you asked me to bring you here. You used to judge
me for coming here.” He was right. I always had a problem with their hygiene, it
wasn’t tested by the department of health.
Me: “I know and I am not proud but this food is amazing.”
Bheka: “I know.”
Me: “Lets go buy me stoney as well I know after this I am going to thirsty.”
Bheka: “Okay. Hlelo is asking us where we are.”
Me: “Lets go to her.”
Bheka: “I cant believe we are two exams away from our qualification.”
Me: “I know right.”
Bheka: “The only thing I am worried about is the thesis, I think I sucked.”
Me: “Me too. Mine was rushed, it wasn’t my best work shem.”
Bheka: “I hope we did enough to get us through.”
Me: “Me too.” We bought my stoney and we went back to campus and went
straight to the library. We studied long and hard
Hlelo: “Mamazi is around and she cooked so I am out.”
Bheka: “Would she mind if I popped up.”
Hlelo: “Of course not. Lets go.”
Me: “Asambeni bo that woman uyalishaya ibhodwe(that woman is a good cook). I
am never not hungry when she is around.” We all got into Hlelo’s car and she
drove us to her house.
Hlelo: “I bought strays who want your food.”
Mamazi: “I feed the hungry, call me mother Theresa.” We laughed this woman
was crazy
Hlelo: “This is Bheka Khumalo, mamazi.”
Mamazi: “Bheka unjani mfana wam?”
Bheka: “Siyaphila ma.”
Mamazi: “Thingo lwenkosazane.”
Me: “Mamami.” She laughed
Mamazi: “How you doing. Are you feeling okay?” she handed me food
Me: “I am okay, I guess. Exams are really stressful but I am almost done.”
Mamazi: “Its going to be fine. And at home, ni right?”
Me: “Argh! Hlangalezwe uyangcasula(annoys me) sometimes especially lately
hence I live in the library now.”
Mamazi: “Do you want stoney with the food.”
Me: “Argh! You are truly my mother. Please.” She smiled
Hlelo: “I cant take this mamazi ngeke.”
Mamazi: “Hayi suka Hlelo awume.” I was confused and she smiled again
Me: “Stop being jealous Hlelo, you have been with her for 22years. Let me have
her now.” Mamazi laughed
Hlelo: “It is so not about that.” She left the room and came back with a clicks
plastic bag “Mi thatha(take this).” I took the bag and looked at the inside.
Me: “What the fuck Hlelo. Home pregnancy test for what? I am not pregnant.”
Mamazi: “Just take it and prove her wrong baby.”
Me: “Fine but I will take just one.”
Mamazi: “Take all of them just to be sure.” I nodded and went to Hlelo’s
bathroom. I took all five of them at some point I didn’t have pee in my bladder
Me: “They going to come back negative and you will owe me.” I was looking at
Hlelo
Hlelo: “If they are positive you owe me.”
Me: “That’s not fair.” She laughed
Mamazi: “10 minutes is over.” We all went to look at them in the bathroom
Me: “No!! No!! I am going to murder Hlangalezwe and get away with it!!”
Hlelo: “Congratulations mommy.” She hugged me
Me: “We are not ready for a kid.” I sat on the floor “We aren’t or I am not.” He
had been ready for 4 years. I wasn’t ready to be honest, I had other plans like a
law career. How was I to juggle being a mom and the long hours of being a
lawyer? At first I thought I was ready and not forgetting pressures from his family
but I wasn't.
Mamazi: “No one is ever ready for a child Thingo even when you wanted to have
one.”
Hlelo: “Talk to him and figure things out.”
Me: “Okay. How true are these tests?” they laughed at me. part of me didn’t want
to believe it. “They can be hacked right?”
Mamazi: “Yeah with your pee. So just go to the doctor to confirm.” She said
giggling.
Me: “Its settled than, I am not pregnant until the doctor confirms it.” They looked
at me as if I am crazy “Lets go back down stairs I am sure Bheka is worried.” We
went back downstairs and I finished my food and we later went back to campus.
We studied until 3am in the morning and we went our separate ways. I got home
and my husband wasn’t home. I was too tired to call and check up on him. The
next day I woke up tired than earlier and Hlanga was still not back. I took a
shower and got dressed and drove myself to the doctor. She did his thing
Dr: “So you are 9 weeks pregnant. Congratulations.” She said with a smile
Me: “Thank you, I guess.”
Dr: “Lets have an ultrasound and see whats happening in there.” She did her thing
and that gel is not as fancy as tv makes it looks. “Oooh can you hear that. That’s a
very strong heart beat.” I smiled and tears dropped. Hlanga needed to be there,
him and I made a human. It was unbelievable. It hadn’t sunk in yet but the whole
idea of it was a great feeling.
Me: “Can I get a printout?”
Dr: “Of course, do you want a disc as well for the heart beat?” I nodded with
excitement “Okay I will sort that out.”
Me: “Thank you.”
Dr: “Lets check mommy’s health. I am checking your BP so we know if you are not
risking the baby’s health.” I nodded she did her thing again “I am happy, you in
good shape but please take it easy and hydrate avoid fatty foods.” That’s all I
want though
Me: “That’s all I want.” She laughed
Dr: “Don’t let your cravings control you Miss Mfeka.” I nodded “This is a
prescription for your vitamins.” I took it and she handed me the printout with a
disc and I left. I called that idiot with no luck. I drove to campus and I found them
already there. One of the exams was the next day, so I had to study
Me: “So the doctor confirmed it.”
Hlelo: “You pregnant.” She asked with a smile and I nodded. She came around the
table to hug me “Congratulations again babe. How far are you?”
Me: “9 weeks.”
Hlelo: “I am sure bhuti is happy.”
Me: “I haven’t told him because he didn’t come home last night. I am worried, I
think we should hack his phone.”
Hlelo: “That’s a bit extreme.” While she was talking I got a call from an 011
number. She was talking so fast
Me: “We need to got to Netcare Park lane”
Hlelo: “What? What happened?”
Me: “Hlanga and Nqobani were shot.”
Hlelo: “Asambe Thingo(let's go).” she half shouted. We got up packed our bags.
She was more panicked than I was. “I am driving.” I didn’t have the strength
anyways. She drove like a crazy person, I forgot to mention that Hlelo loved
speed. We got there and they led us to their ward and the doctor on their case
was checking up them
Me: “THEY HAVE BEEN HERE FOR 18 HOURS AND YOU ARE CALLING ME NOW?”
Dr: “Mrs Mthethwa please calm down.”
Hlelo: “THERE IS NOTHING CALMING ABOUT THIS.”
Me: “Just tell me how bad is it?” he said all his medical term “English or Zulu
please.”
Dr: “Mr Mthethwa has a bullet in his lung and operating on him is high risk same
as not operating.”
Hlelo: “And Mr Mthimkhulu?”
Dr: “He is going to be fine, he was shot in his shoulder and we managed to take
him to surgery when they got here.” He looked at “Mrs Mthethwa I am over my
depth with your husband’s case.” I couldn’t listen to him anymore. I called literally
everyone, from parents to siblings. I couldn’t do this on my own.
Hlelo: “What are you going to do?”
Me: “Hlelo, I don’t know. He has given up on him. I don’t know anything about
medicine Hlelo.” I sat down on the nearest bench. “Search for the best surgeon in
SA and we’ll fly him in. I cant lose him Hlelo.”
Hlelo: “I know.”
Me: “I am hungry.” She smiled and she led us to the caf. The problem with me is
that I was good at avoiding a situation, all I did I adapted to the change and
moved on. That was a problem because it made me a ticking time bomb.
Moments later Lonhle came in, panicked
Lonhle: “Siphosethu what the fuck happened? Are you okay?”
Me: “I am fine. They got shot and Nqobani is still out from the pain medication, he
is the one who has answers and Hlanga is in ICU. I cant go in there Lonhle, I will
lose it.”
Lonhle: “No its fine, I will go. The parents are on a flight as we speak.” I nodded
and he left. Him and Hlelo couldn't even keep eye contact. He really felt bad for
choosing Bokang.
Nolwazi: “I came as fast as I could. I had an interview. Tee what happened.”
Me: “Hlelo please tell her. I cant anymore.” They spoke and talked and analysed
and she went to see her brother. The parents and Banele came, they took a cab
and ma was hysterical and I didn’t blame her. How were we back again at a
hospital again in a matter of months
Hlelo: “I found a surgeon in Cape Town.”
Me: “Tell him he is hired.”
Hlelo: “Bow he is not cheap. His consultation alone.”
Me: “Fly him in Gugulethu!” she nodded and she did the phone call
Ma: “How are you doing?”
Me: “I am fine ma.”
Ma: “And the baby?” I was a little bit shook was it obvious. “I am a mother of 3.
Plus you have become bitchy lately.” I laughed
Me: “I cant do this without him ma.” I started crying. “I am scared. He didn’t
prepare me for this.” I wasn’t crazy. He really didn’t prepare me for making life
changing decisions, I myself was over my depth.
Ma: “You are not alone ntombi yam. We are here.” I nodded and she brushed my
back “I will get you some water.”
Me: “Thank you.” She stood up and left. After sometime the Gumede clan came in
followed by Bheka and Cebolihle and her husband. Nqobani was awake and
talking. They wheeled him to the lounge since there was a lot of us “You better
start talking.”
Nqobani: “We never saw it coming. We were leaving the club next thing I heard
gunshots and Hlanga is on the ground. When I tried to go help him I got a bullet
on my shoulder. I honestly don’t have the answers right now.” He looked at Hlelo
a bit too long I felt and came back to me “How bad was he hit?”
Me: “Bullet in his lung and the doctor doesn’t know what to do.” He nodded
Nqobani: “Can I use your phone. I need to get out of here. And deal with this.”
Us: “Haibo!!”
Mamazi: “You were shot.”
Ma: “Nqobani. Calm down and let the police handle this.”
Nqobani: "For all we know the police did this." He mumbled
Nolwazi: "Bhuti you were shot, you are in no state to leave the hospital."
Nqobani: “My shoulder was shot, I am fine. Nolwazi get me a set of clothes, I am
getting out of here. I need to find who did this.”
Hlelo: “Nqobani, you are not fine. You lost a lot of blood, you still weak.” Hlelo
looked really worried
Nqobani: “Nolwazi!! Clothes now!!” He commanded while still staring at Hlelo.
Was Nqobani in love with my friend? It would be great though, he was good for
her. She jumped and left the room
Baba: “We’ll never win this.”
Hlelo: “The doctor just landed.” We all nodded.
Mamazi: “How are you guys doing, still fine?” I nodded, they worried too much.
Me: “I am ready to see him.” They all looked at me. I stood up and Lonhle and ma
walked with me. we got to his room and there he was, lying on that bed with his
chest covered. He had so many machines and pipes hooked to him, I hardly
recognised him as my husband. My beast wasn’t my beast. Over the years he has
become a significant part of my life to a point that if he were to die id probably
die with him. I had already lost my mother to violence, my heart wouldn’t take
losing Hlanga that way as well. I sat and watched him until Hlelo and the rest of
the family called me out to meet the doctor. He spoke about how the bullet
lodged in his lung is like a bomb waiting to explode if he touched it the wrong way
Ma: “Is it possible to remove it though?”
Dr: “Of course, I can remove it and even repair the tear but I need you to
understand that my services don’t come cheap.”
Baba: “We are aware of that. Save my son, we’ll pay your money and we’ll pay it
now if it will save him.”
Dr: “Okay than.” He looked at his team “We’ll prep him for the removal and repair
right away.”
Me: “I need you to understand that, you have 3 lives in your hands. His, mine and
yours because if he dies I will kill you myself.” He was shocked by what I said and I
was dead serious “After I kill you, I will kill myself because there will be no point in
me living without him.” he was my life-line
Dr: “I will do everything in my power to save his life Mrs Mthethwa. Let me do my
job.” I nodded, he touched my shoulder and left. I looked for Hlelo
Me: “Lets go we are writing tomorrow.”
Hlelo: “I was thinking we’ll write the supplementary exams.”
Me: “It wont work for me. I have to be done with these exams.”
Hlelo: “’Bow you are doing it again.” I looked at her “You are shutting down and
its not good for you or the baby.”
Me: “I cant afford to feel right Gugulethu because if I did, id probably want to die
and actually act on it.” I looked at her being a little shocked “I am nothing without
that man Gugulethu and I mean it in the emotional sense. He feels everything for
the both of us so if he in surgery I need to be doing something either than
thinking of the worst of situation.” I sat down on the benches outside “I don’t
blame Nqobani for not wanting to be here, it is torture and it is paralysing. Right
now God is in control over his life but I am in control over my exams and I can do
that. I cant save his life but I can at least make him proud. So are you going to
drive us or what?”
Hlelo: “You are amazing do you know that?” she was wiping my tears. Tears I
didn’t even know were falling “You are so brave and strong Thingo and you don’t
even know it. I need your strength, don’t change okay.” I nodded, I think I was
sobbing “I love you.”
Me: “I love you too babe.” We hugged for the longest time “Lets go say our
goodbyes.” We went back to the parents and we spoke they were also worried
about me shutting down but I needed to be studying than sitting and just waiting
for something I didn’t know. I was too good at avoiding things and I was really
worried about the baby more than anything, I didn't want it if I wasn't with
Hlanga and I was too young to be a widow.

»48«
CONTINUED
NATHAN
Me: "From now on guys, this kind man will drive you to and from school, okay?"
There was no use hiding the bodyguards anymore. Everything was out in the open
now.
Lethu: "He has a gun bhuti." He even popped his eyes. I still needed to have a
conversation with him, he was still new.
Sonke: "He's a bodyguard angithi bhuti?" Sonke was too forward for her age. It's
shocking of how aware she was.
Me: "Yes he is." I looked at Sphe who hasn't said anything. "Are you okay with
this, if you uncomfortable please say something and I'll make other
arrangements."
Sphe: "Are you and sisi splitting up and what does that mean for us?" Wow, I
wasn't expecting that.
Me: "Sisi and I are in different places right now, it happens when you are married.
That's why I live in the pool house now, so that I am available for you guys
whenever. Nothing has changed, we are still a family so don't worry about
anything."
Them: "Okay." Azande's stubbornness was affecting the kids, how did she not see
that?
Me: "Now tell me, did you get everything you needed at the mall?" And they
started telling me everything they got at the mall with Vicky. After a while Azande
called that she was about to board the jet. She was in Durban planning Jay's party
with Sonia which was in two days. "I am going to fetch sisi at the airport."
Lethu: "Can we go with you?"
Me: "Okay."
Sphe: "Count me out." I took the keys and we left without Sphe. We got there
just in time, I helped with the kids and we left. Things were really intense
between us. Even after I asked the grannys to talk to her, she still wasn't barging
instead she moved the rest of my stuff to the pool house.
Azande: "Nathan I need more time, to fully understand what's going on here."
Me: "Azande you kicked me out of our house, you got the kids worried and you
still haven't decided on what you want? I honestly don't know what it's going to
take for you to look at things my way because you all about Azande and you don't
care about anyone else."
Azande: "You know that's not true Nathan. We in this mess because I understand
its not just about me."
Me: "What am I supposed to believe then huh? Azande you are treating me like
some monster, a stranger. Not even once Azande have I treated you unkindly. I
have been the greatest partner to you, so what if I break the law?"
Azande: "My mother was killed by a stray bullet Nathan and the gun responsible
was unregistered and the last time I checked you are responsible for moving
illegal guns and God knows what else you smuggle. So as far as I am concerned
you have a hand in how bad things are in the world right now."
Me: "Blame it on me, every bad thing in the world is on me." Was she kidding me?
"Bad things happen and I am not responsible for all of them. I am not the only
smuggler in the country Azande."
Azande: "You the only one I know. This thing is not something one gets used to
overnight Nathan and its unfair of you to expect me to. I never envisioned a life of
bodyguards and top notch alarm systems, I just need time."
Me: "..." I parked the car in the garage and I took Ella from her car seat and I tried
taking Jay but he wanted to get off on his own "How about you and I go and have
a chat about your night in Durban." My daughter was still sleepy. She was going to
look so much like her mother. Chances of Azande leaving me were high, she didn't
even look at me the way she used to. I wasn't a man who forced things and as
much as it killed me but I had to accept that she was bothered by my work. Ella
and I went to the pool house. It was fully furnished for Vicky. Sonke followed by
Jay and Lethu came with her bag and we all sat and watched tv. That was my life, I
was basically single again, the only difference was I had kids now and to be honest
I didn't miss my old life, I loved the life I had with Azande and the kids and a big
part of me really hoped that eventually she was going to look over or accept
things the way they are and we'd be happy again. Our bond was being tested
that's all this was to me.
Azande: "Dinner is ready." We all stood up and the kids ran to the main house,
she took Ella from me "Its bath time for you goddess." I loved this woman in front
of me, how did she not see that?
Me: "I am not giving up on us Azande. You are once in a lifetime MaJele and I'll
take whatever you give me."
Azande: "Nathan." She said in a low tone
Me: "Ngyakthanda Natasha." I held her chin and I went in for a slow and
passionate kiss.
Azande: "Ngyakthanda nam."
Me: "How much time do you need?"
Azande: "Please don't rush me Nathan."
Me: "Okay. Let's go eat." We kissed again and we went to have dinner as a family.
After dinner I went back to my house, I had just secured Sibeko Coal and I need a
strategy to revamp it and it started with a new name. I have always hated paper
work, I was a guy who liked getting his hands dirty so all this was Sizwe's job as my
lawyer. I took a shower, I was getting ready for bed
Azande: "Jaden doesn't want to go to bed Nathan. Woooh you naked!" She was
eye raping me, we hadn't had sex in a month
Me: "You have two options here, I get dressed and attend Jaden or you come take
what's yours and we'll deal with the little champ later." I was smiling this whole
time
Azande: "This doesn't change anything Nathan."
Me: "Mmm" she was walking towards me and the first thing she did was grab my
dick "Missed me?"
Azande: "A lot." She giggled. I kissed her so deep and passionately and lucky for
me she responded. I picked her up and placed her on the bed bed gently. The
kissing was getting hotter and hotter, she responded with the same lust that I
had. I helped her take off her clothes including her underwear and she helped me
take off mine as well.
Me: "You shaved."
Azande: "Mmm."
Me: "Perfect." I went back to kissing her lips while gently fingering her. From her
lips I moved to her jaw down to her neck and boobs.
Azande: "Aaaah Nat.." she moaned while I blew hot air on her tummy down to
her now very wet pussy. I introduced my tongue and she arched her back "Aaah
baby." I was taking my time, if she wanted to leave me I wanted her to remember
what she was leaving behind. My tongue was doing a great job because my wife
didn't know what to do with herself. She kept on pushing my head deeper into
her pussy "Aaaah amazing!! Yaaas baby aaah." After what I believe was two
orgasms, in no time I was in between her legs and I slowly entered her
Me: "Mmmm baby!!" I moved slowly
Azande: "I love you Nathan." I stopped and kissed her
Me: "I love you too Natasha, please don't leave me."
Azande: "Move baby." And I obliged. "Aaah yes." We at it for a while, different
positions
Me: "Shitt! Aaah." We were both building up and I picked up the pace, making
sure I hit the right spot.
Azande: "I am close baby." I was right behind her. "Aaah aahh!"
Me: "Shitt!! Shit!" We both reached our climax. We kissed so passionately, it gave
me hope because for a moment it felt like we were Azande and Baba wezingane
zam. "I love you."
Azande: "I love you too, never doubt that." She kissed me again and we cuddled
while she played with my chest "This is not an easy thing Nathan like I said, I need
time."
Me: "Like I also said I am not giving up on us, its you or no one Azande. So in that
time please be considering a future with me, the kids and the baby we just
made." She looked at me shocked
Azande: "Aaah Nathan. We cant bring another child while our living arrangements
are still undecided plus Ella is still young and she needs my undivided attention."
Me: "Baby you are in control of this situation, nothing about me has changed. I
love you and that's never going to change. My life has to move on Azande, so
what if Ella is still young that doesn't stop us from having sex now does it? As for
our current living arrangements they can change whenever, I mean you are here
now, in my arms and thats all that matters to me. I did say I'll take whatever you
give me."
Azande: "I still don't think its a good idea. Nothing about our lives is normal at the
moment."
Me: "I don't believe in normal anyway, I have always liked different. Hence the
work I do."
Azande: "So you have never thought of doing things the right way?"
Me: "Baby I was raised by the badass of men. They taught me the game they even
told me to get a degree, I am capable of owning one. I just didn't see the point
because I wasn't going to use it. I hated varsity and everything about it"
Azande: "Oh so you did go to varsity, you just dropped out?"
Me: "Second year medicine. That's where I met Phiwe and Harry. Harry and I
dropped out because he wanted to be lawyer and medicine was his father's
dream and well for me was because I enjoyed the other life I had."
Azande: "I still don't get why you like it so much Nathan. Look at the precautions
you have to take now just to keep us safe. Normal people don't need bodyguards
Nathan because they didn't do anything wrong."
Me: "I am aware of that Azande but it's better to be safe than sorry and I wont
apologize for my choices because I don't regret any of them. The only apology I
have is getting you involved but at the same time my heart chose you Azande and
I am glad it did because I can imagine life without you and I hate every minute of
it."
Azande: "..." she got out of bed. "I need to go check on Jay and see if he hasn't
given up." We got dressed and we went to the house and we found him and
Lethu passed out on the couch. I took both of them to their rooms
Me: "Goodnight, I'll see you in the morning."
Azande: "Goodnight." She wanted me to stay but she was too stubborn to admit
it.
========
Jay's birthday came and we were having it in Durban. Azande and Sonia went big
just like how I wanted. It was his 2nd birthday but it was our first birthday
together.
Sonia: "He looks really happy."
Me: "Mmm"
Sonia: "Nathan I am really sorry for how I handled things."
Me: "Sonia you were okay with another man raising my boy and we both know
that you were never going to tell me had he not needed a blood transfusion."
That's how the truth came out, when her husband's blood didn't match Jaden's
"So quit the fake apologies and let me enjoy my son's birthday."
Sonia: "Nathan that's not fair. Even if I came to you with the news, you were in no
position to be a father. You were an emotionless wall back then, who only cared
about getting laid and didn't want any attachments."
Me: "Are you kidding me? Sonia you were married and that screamed
unavailable. And it was my child, my blood and you didn't even reach out for me
to at least deny the paternity. So as far as I am concerned you are Jay's mother
and it ends there, you and I could never be friends." If Sonia could live with such a
life changing secret, there's no telling how she could go, I just didn't trust her. My
boy had a very fun day even his pictures were evidence of that
Azande: "Jaden had to much sugar and now he's extremely energetic."
Me: "My boy is happy, let him have all the sugar he wants."
Azande: "This is why I don't trust you with the kids Nathan, you say yes to
everything."
Me: "That's not true Zande!"
Azande: "Explain how Sonke and Lethu own iPhones at their age?"
Me: "It was a great deal."
Azande: "Mxm!"
Me: "You worry too much. Thank you for going out your way to handle this, Jay
and I appreciate your efforts and we love you very much."
Azande: "You are welcome and you are right, he's happy. Now I am going to ask
you to take a picture with Sonia and Jay, its the only pictures Ndalo doesn't have."
Me: "It is necessary?"
Azande: "Very. When Jaden has grown up and looks at his birthday pictures I want
him to be proud and happy not ask why he only has pictures with just mommy or
daddy."
Me: "Okay. I love you."
Azande: "I love you too. Now go and smile Pierce and be happy, for Jay."
Me: "For Jay." I went to find Sonia already next to the birthday boy and Ndalo did
his thing. He was really good at this photography stuff and he was going to charge
me an arm and a leg knowing him
Sonia: "This was a beautiful day. Thank you for everything Nathan. I'll eventually
find my feet and provide for him like you do." She made it sound so sad
Me: "He didn't leave you anything?"
Sonia: "There was a prenuptial agreement and it stated that in case of infidelity I
wasn't entitled to anything unless he's generous. Since he left me with nothing
that means I can't take care of my kids as well so he took them." She was Jay's
mother and maybe her actions were justified
Me: "What do you have that we can work with? I know a few people and I can use
those contacts to get you a job and give you a fighting chance to get your kids
back." I wasn't a heartless man "They're Jay's siblings and they should know that."
Sonia: "Okay. I have a diploma in administration and about six years of experience
but that was before I married rich and relaxed."
Me: "Okay, I'll be in touch."
Sonia: "Thank you Nathan."
Me: "Mmm." It the best day for my boy and after the sugar he had he eventually
crashed.
=======
Me: "Cool. Let's get down to business." I don't know if it was me or Sbonga was
just too comfortable around Nqobani but we'll deal with that later
Chance: "You two take the kids home and get this done." We were talking about
framing Mxolisi. Hlanga and Nqobani and to come up with a good frame up.
Me: "Chance and I will follow the other lead."
Nqobani: "Okay." We parted ways
Me: "Chance are you sure you covered everyone on the list?"
Chance: "I am 100% sure Pierce."
Me: "And everyone is dead. You and Hlanga are like cockroaches, anifi zinja(you
don't die, you dogs)" we laughed
Chance: "Death doesn't look good on me Nathan." He was crazy
Me: "You taking me to tavern Thuba, hayi hayi."
Chance: "Relax, I just need 2 quarts then we good." We entered the place and my
word, it wasn't my kind of scene. He got what he came for and we left. Two guys
bumped us
Me: "Yay!! Watch it."
Guy: "Hade!"
Chance: "Nathan!" He dropped his bottles of Castle Lite "He stabbed me."
Me: "What?" He was stabbed in his abdomen and he was bleeding out fast. I had
to carry him to the car, Chance was a big and buff guy so imagine how heavy he
was. I drove us straight to the warehouse and I called the gang doctor. "Hold on
my guy." Everything happened so fast, were we being followed? We so focused
on the task at hand that we forgot to be vigilant.
Chance: "Bounty, Dimpho!" And he passed out shortly after the doctor came and
he dealt with him. I called everyone and Hlanga and Nqobani were unavailable
and I figured they were busy
Me: "Sam. Watch him."
Sam: "Sure."
Me: "Thabo you are on Dimpho and the kids."
Thabo: "Sure."
Me: "JB, you and I are going back to that tavern." Maybe they were still there.
JB: "Sure."
Me: "The rest of you find me Ndumiso and Sizwe!!!"
Tiny: "He's out of the country boss."
Me: "What?"
Me: "Get him back here. Also ping Hlanga and Grootboom's location, I have a bad
feeling about this." They all nodded "From now on we work in pairs and we are all
strapped until we know what we dealing with."
Them: "Sure boss." As we were about to leave Lwando came in
Lwando: "Hlanga and Grootboom were gunned down outside ClubSenses. Is that
Thuba?" More bad news
Me: "He was stabbed at some tavern, he thinks its the bounty."
Lwando: "This is not good Nathan. Word on the street says Viper is in town."
Me: "I don't need bad news right now Lwando. Sit on him, when he moves, you
move and keep me updated."
Lwando: "Sure."
Me: "JB let's go." And we left, whatever we were dealing with was big. I drove
past the hospital and Hlanga was surrounded by his family while Nqobani was still
resting, I was going to deal with them later. "The worst thing that could happen to
us is dealing with an unknown enemy because all you doing is"
JB: "Chasing ghosts."
Me: "Exactly." For the first time in my life I was scared, scared of the unknown.

»49«
HLELO
The shooting affected everyone, the Mthethwas, Nathan and don't get me started
on Nqobani he became something else. I honestly don't know why I was investing
myself so much because he wasn't my boyfriend. Anyway he refused treatment
and he was so determined to find who shot at them and I also wanted to know
actually because my friend was slowly dying. I had practically moved in at the
Mthethwas together with mamazi who was helping Hlanga's mother deal with the
situation.
Mpilo: "Gugulam I fucked up." He's been giving me sad eyes since the day at the
hospital. The little feelings I thought I had, were gone. Mpilo was best being
young bhuti, I didn't need the stress of constantly questioning my position in his
life.
Me: "No you didn't. We never involved Mpilo." It was the truth, I didn't have the
grounds to be mad or whatever towards him.
Mpilo: "MaGumede I am really sorry for making it seem as though Bokang came
first." Even her name was starting to irritate me now
Me: "Now is not the time Mpilonhle."
Mpilo: "Hear me out MaGumede." He pulled me to poolside. "I can't change the
past but I apologize for the way I handled things. I need you Gugulam, I want to
be with you." He was too late.
Me: "Mpilonhle the term "First impressions count" goes a long way. I don't
understand how you were okay with running to your ex's bedside and leave me,
someone you claim you need. You didn't even postpone or even suggest that
Sbonga and I hang around your place until you sorted things out. No you went
straight to cancelling, and I took it as a dismissal. It even looked like Bokang
mattered more than you spending time with me."
Mpilo: "Ngyavuma Gugulam it was poor decision making on my side. Please give
me one last chance to prove to you how much you matter to me."
Me: "I can't do that Mpilo. I am a single mother and I have to assess every
relationship I enter to see if somehow it will be good for my son and I. You and
Bokang being friends bothers me and I am not going to ask you to stop being
friends with her for my sake. And you also have proven yourself undependable. I
just don't trust you anymore." It felt good to finally voice that out
Mpilo: "Gugulam things can't end like this, I refuse to accept that. If you want my
friendship with Bokang to end, consider it done."
Me: "No Mpilonhle all I wanted was for you to make me a priority over anyone
else and you failed Mpilonhle before we even started, I mean if you going to fail in
the beginning I just don't see it working in the long run. This conversation is over."
Mpilo: "I love you MaGumede." He was even pleading and l honestly didn't care.
There was nothing.
Me: "I have to go check on Thingo." I left him standing there looking lost. She was
fast asleep, pregnancy was helping because I don't think she was going to sleep if
she was herself. The surgery was successful but Hlanga was still on the ventilator.
Nqobani called while I was watching Thingo sleep
Me: "Hey, how are you holding up?"
Nqobani: "Can I see you?"
Me: "I can't, Thingo needs me."
Nqobani: "I NEED YOU HLELO!"
Me: "WOW!"
Nqobani: "I am so sorry. I can't drive please come to my place." He was on a arm
sling since he was shot on his shoulder and he sounded so down
Me: "Okay." I texted Thingo to call me when she woke up and I drove to his place.
He lived in a penthouse now, apparently it was a few he owned, he was loaded
clearly. On my drive to his place I kept on thinking until to what end were we
going to keep doing this because at some point it had to end and to me now was
the time when he was in need of something stable in his life, what he went
through was traumatic.
Nqobani: "You came." He gave me half a smile. He was one hot dark brother. We
hugged and his perfume filled my nostrils
Me: "Because you shouted at me and also I was curious about how you were
doing after refusing treatment."
Nqobani: "I fine."
Me: "Nqobani I think we should end this before things get complicated." He
tensed up "What you went through was traumatic and you need to deal with it."
Nqobani: "I thought I was the doctor here." He chuckled
Me: "I am serious." He took both my hands with the one he hand.
Nqobani: "Mimi and my son died 5 months ago." WTF!!! Why was he telling me
this?
Me: "I am really sorry to hear that."
Nqobani: "I just thought you should know what you dealing with. I am a mess
Hlelo and things get messier the more you get to know me."
Me: "I thought we were about S&M."
Nqobani: "That's not good enough for me Hlelo, I am also not ready for a
relationship. I just want to have whatever this is with you. I admit I caught feelings
and I care a great deal about you." Wow!
Me: "I care about you too." It was the truth
Nqobani: "I know. The way you were so panicked at the hospital." He was smiling
"I found it heartwarming and not a lot of things warm my heart."
Me: "Mxm. You were shot Nqobani." I was blushing this whole time.
Nqobani: "Its not my first or last gunshot wound so panic is your new friend."
What? "We have a problem though, firstly Nathan." Damn! Looks like I have
found myself in a Ty and Alime situation. Why do I attract my brothers' friends so
much "And Lonhle is my brother."
Me: "Mpilonhle and I never happened and if it bothers you then we can just end
things now because I don't care about Nathan, he'll have to deal." He was happily
married for fucks sakes and I needed my dose of happiness even if it came from
his friends.
Nqobani: "I am a little bothered but we'll see. I like having you around and life is
too short for a person not to do the things he feels good about." Was he talking
about us?
Me: "Okay." We carried on talking about his shoulder and his self diagnosis.
Nqobani: "I am serious, the medication they put me on has made my dick to stop
functioning." I was laughing with tears "So until I am healed you stuck with lips."
Me: "I can work with that." I really didn't mind
Nqobani: "I hate this!" I laughed at his facial expression.
Me: "It's not the end of the world hawu."
Nqobani: "It feels like it. Hows Thingo doing?"
Me: "You should go check on her. This is not easy for her plus she's pregnant."
Nqobani: "Hlanga is going to be so happy and best believe he'll behave like his
child shits ice cream." I laughed "He's like that, he's obsessed about Thingo and I
am sure he'll be extra about their child."
Me: "You miss him?" His face said everything.
Nqobani: "A lot. Hlanga is my better half and my life won't make sense without
him."
Me: "He'll make it, don't lose hope."
Nqobani: "I am not a hopeful person, that's why I can't even face Thingo. I can't
help but feel like I didn't do enough for him, everything I failed to do for Hlanga
that night just comes flashing back and all I walked away with was a bullet in the
shoulder wereas my best friend is clinging to life."
Me: "Don't do that to yourself Nqobani. This is not easy for anyone. Focus on the
positive the fact that you both survived and his surgery was successful. There's
hope." He just baby kissed me and then stared at me "You are weird."
Nqobani: "Normal is overrated." I giggled. While were just sitting and talking his
phone rang and mine too and it was sleeping beauty
Me: "Hey mama bear."
Thingo: "I am getting ready to go to the hospital."
Me: "Okay I'll meet you there, do you need anything?"
Thingo: "Chicken Licken wings and atchaar and stoney. Hurry Gugulethu." I
giggled
Me: "Okay." He came back while I took my handbag
Nqobani: "Please spend the night."
Me: "I'll see you after making sure Thingo is okay."
Nqobani: "Okay."
Me: "Are you okay?"
Nqobani: "I have a lead on who shot at us, so I am getting ready to deal with him."
Me: "Shouldn't you call the police?"
Nqobani: "I don't trust the police." Wow! "Come here." He opened his one arm
for a hug and I went in. Even with one arm his hugs were still the best. We kissed
"Wait here."
Me: "Okay." He went to the kitchen and came back
Nqobani: "Use it whenever." It was a key and a gate remote and I am guessing
they opened his place.
Me: "Nqobani."
Nqobani: "It's just a key." We all know it was more than that.
Me: "Okay. I'll see you later." We hugged and kissed and I left for Thingo's meal
and later followed by the hospital.
Thingo: "Hlelo, I am scared."
Me: "I know, we'll get through this, I promise."
Thingo: "Thank you for everything, for taking care of me and sleeping with me."
Me: "Don't mention it, I am the girl you had to drive home after she caught her
boyfriend and best friend in the act." She laughed
Thingo: "You were so hysterical and pink. You looked horrible." We laughed
Me: "I felt like my world was ending mxm! My point is, I have your back babe."
Thingo: "I know and I appreciate you." She looked at her man in pipes and
surrounded by machines "He has to make it Hlelo, I need him." She wiped her
tears "I miss him so much. You know before I met him things were bad for me, I
was physically and emotionally abused and that's the worst thing I went through.
But having him lie like this, so life less, I'll take that treatment without a blink if it
will save his life. He's my life-line"
Me: "..." I didn't have the words. Thingo was willing to suffer for Hlanga and it
ended there. "I'll give you two some time alone." As I was about to leave the
room, Ma and Lonhle followed by baba and Banele came in and I left them to
have their family moment. Hlanga was the family glue everyone was miserable it
was in their faces when they saw he was still on the ventilator and you also heard
what Nqobani said about his best friend. The doctors did their best work it was all
up to Hlanga now. I left the hospital and drove home to spend some time with my
needy King. He was growing up so much
Sbonga: "Gogo has a huge stomach, she's full because she eats a lot." I laughed
Mamazi: "Gugulethu no Sbongakonke leave my house now!" She was serious
Me: "You look beautiful today, are those new pjs?"
Baba: "Nice save. She really does look good."
Mamazi: "Mxm!" We laughed
Me: "How did the scan go today?"
Mamazi: "My blood pressure is still a problem and she feels when the baby has
grown enough we should just have a cesarean section."
Baba: "Your mother wants natural birth and its not safe, she knows that."
Mamazi: "Hlehle I have never given birth naturally and this is my last baby, I
would've liked to experience it." I wanted to tell her that she wasn't missing out
on anything. Labour pains aren't anyone's friend but she wanted this it was all in
her face
Me: "Mamazi us getting to 6 months was a miracle so please don't expect too
much from your body than it can handle. What's the point of giving birth naturally
when you'll leave us orphaned because the risk is on both you and the baby."
Mamazi: "Hlelo I won't risk anything, Phiwe and Qwabe have already decided that
I am going under the knife. I was just voicing out my feelings."
Me: "What matters most mamazi is the baby not the ride it was delivered in."
Mamazi: "Wow! A ride?" I laughed and left them to pack a bag for my sleepover
at Nqobani's. I had a key guys, can we pause and discuss that...

»49«
CONTINUED
THINGO
Exams were done and dusted, hallelujah! Hlanga was still on the ventilator but his
surgery went well, but him being on the ventilator was indefinite. I was losing
hope honestly. But the whole family was there for each other. Aya came for me, I
know. She took a taxi and all just to be with me, my cousin and I were still close
regardless of what life threw at us. The Gumedes were still their supporting selves
because we as the Mthethwas were lost, we didn’t know what to say let alone do.
Ma and mamazi had gotten close during that time, the support they were giving
us was amazing.
Mamazi: “How are you holding up?”
Me: “I SWEAR IF ANYONE ASKS ME THAT DUMB QUESTION AGAIN, I SWEAR I AM
GOING TO EXPLODE!!!” I snapped and I shocked everyone, yeah call me Queen
Bitchy now. Hormones were driving me crazy, one minute I was emotional the
next happy then came the aggression.
Aya: “Calm down Tee. We know its not easy for you.”
Me: “Trust me no one knows what I am going through. So please quit with the
pity party.” Yeah I had become a bitch because of my pregnancy. What got me so
worked up was, I went for another check up without my husband. How was this
fair though?
Mamazi: “You handling it better than I did that’s for sure.” she said sitting down.
She looked big for someone who was 6 months pregnant, I felt.
Me: “What?” what was she saying vele vele “Your husband has never been shot
mamazi so you don’t know how it feels. I know you mean well but you don’t have
to lie to me.”
Mamazi: “Well he wasn’t my husband at that time. But we had been together
close to a year.”
Me: “Baba was shot?”
Mamazi: “Yes and he spent 3 months in a coma.” I looked at her in a way so she
could keep talking. Anything to make me think of Hlanga waking up again “It was
the worst time of my life. I was 4 months pregnant. At that time I didn’t know I
was carrying twins. Lakhe has always been one to outshine his brother even in my
womb.” I laughed, she made a joke even when a situation called for seriousness
“My family wasn’t talking to me since I was unmarried and my baby daddy was a
40 year old man. He was all I had and the thought of losing him was so paralysing
it gave me blood pressure problems.” she held her chest.
Me: “How did you manage to push through? I am barely coping with you guys
busy hovering over me.”
Mamazi: “Prayer got me through. I slipt into depression hard, I almost lost the
twins even.”
Aya: “Depression?” I think I was shocked to but I wasn’t brave enough to ask
further.
Mamazi: “yes. I was diagnosed with clinical depression at 16 and I have been
living with it ever since. But my point here is you will get through this and you
have us hovering over you just deal with it because we are here and we are not
going anywhere.” I nodded "Lean on us Thingo and also think about the baby."
Aya: “Mamazi is right mzala we are not going anywhere.” I just cried. I couldn’t
keep it in
Me: “Thank you guys.” I was really moved. Hlelo was also caught up in her drama
with her mystery man. Hlelo's life was dramatic for me to keep up actually
Mamazi: “You will get through this I promise.” She hugged me “I don’t know
about Aya here so I will speak for myself. I love being ugogo even though I am so
young but I am ready to grandmother the hell out of that bun in your oven.” That
made me laugh so much. This woman made everything seem okay “Is that a smile
I see?” I nodded still smiling “That’s my girl. Pray Thingo lwenkosazane, trust God
and let him take care of things. Whenever I find myself lost and in doubt I read
Isaiah 40:31.” She got up and went to join the parents by the poolside who had
practically moved in. Baba drove back and forth just to check on things at home
and the farm. What mamazi said really got me thinking. My background with
church was just enough, it wasn’t like ma or her. They spoke about prayer and
God like their daily bread, yes like the prayer. It made me think about how they
seemed to be in control of things and everything they touched turned into gold. I
mean they had successful husbands and a functional home life, that didn’t
happen with the snap of a finger that’s for sure. My family was growing, the little
one was on the way. I had to accept that it was no longer just Hlanga and I, that
meant everything about our home life had to change. I must say being pregnant
was a total surprise and the timing was totally off because I has just partly happy
about it and the person I really wanted to share it with was in a ventilator. That
day I vowed to buy me a bible and find Hlanga and I a church close to our estate.
My life became a routine of me only going back home to rest when visiting hours
were over and going back to hospital when it was visiting hours. A month turned
into two and two months turned into three. We had a black Christmas at the
Mthethwa house because one of our members wasn’t around. Hlanga even
missed his birthday guys but for some weird reason the thought of switching off
the machines never crossed our minds since they said there was still brain
function so it was a sign. His lungs weren’t functioning the way the doctors
thought they would hence the machines were still breathing for him. I was in my
5th month of pregnancy and very much showing, my doctor was a bit worried
about my blood pressure levels and it was understandable. I wasn’t okay
emotionally like Hlanga wasn’t getting better and I was failing to understand why
and who in their right mind would want to hurt him. I couldn’t move on, I was
lying on that bed with him.
Hlelo: “Did you get the email of qualification obtained?” she asked with so much
excitement. Hlelo had so much life in her, I wanted to be her and have her
problems because I was sure they were far better than mine.
Me: “I did. I cant even be happy about it.”
Hlelo: “Of course you can. Bhuti would want you to be happy and plus you really
worked hard and went through a lot for this degree ‘Bow. Give yourself a break.”
She was right, this is all I ever wanted and now that it was in front of me I chose
to focus on something else.
Me: “You are right. I deserve a little bit of happiness.” She nodded with as smile
“Umuhle yaz mngan wam.” She really was pretty.
Hlelo: “Thank you. Umuhle nawe boo.” We were sitting at home while the tv
played on its own “So I am starting work beginning of February.”
Me: “I am starting next week and I am dreading it. I am all big and moody and
being an intern has its demands. I don’t know. Would it be wrong if I took the
year off and just regroup?”
Hlelo: “Of course not. It makes sense actually. It will help you bond with the baby
and hopefully uBhuti would’ve recovered by than.”
Me: “I have already signed the contract boo. I need to keep busy Hlelo and stop
stressing myself.”
Hlelo: “Whatever it is you want and feel good about it. I agree with it and I
support you ‘Bow.”
Me: “Thank you. So nameless?”
Hlelo: “Argh. I don’t want to talk about it, he's complicated.” I nodded there was
more to the story but I didn’t want to push. She was going to come to me when
she was ready “When is our next scan?”
Me: “Sometime nextweek.” She nodded and we carried on watching tv. Life had
to move on at some point but I wasn’t giving up on him. He was coming back, I
could feel it. Lonhle had moved in with me and drove daily to Pretoria. The
parents drove to and fro Tongaat since Banele had school. While we were chilling
with my friend my little one moved “Aaaah.” I held on to my tummy. It was a bit
painful but I was just so happy that he or she was alive. I didn’t want to know the
sex of the baby without Hlanga, it was his dream child.
Hlelo: “Is everything okay?” she asked out of panic. I shook my head
Me: “Nope. AAaah.” Another movement followed “I am just making my presence
known. Angith my baby?” I was talking to my tummy
Hlelo: “Nccccooooh.” She was smiling and I was overjoyed from that moment. But
I wanted to share it with my husband. He was missing out on so much.
“Everything will work itself out ‘Bow. I know right now things are weird and
unfamiliar but that is growth. They wouldn’t have called it growth if it felt
normal.” That is exactly what I needed to hear “This situation is preparation for
something bigger so trust that it will pass.”
Me: “Ngyabonga MaMnguni.” She nodded “You are sleeping over angith?”
Hlelo: “I don’t mind but I will have to go check on things at home first, my siblings
are there and it is never ends well sometimes.”
Me: “Okay.” And that is how we spent that day just talking and her motivating
and encouraging me. “I haven’t seen Nqobani since the day at the hospital. And
he is ignoring my calls and texts yaz, I am also worried about him.”
Hlelo: “Ohh keep trying him until you get hold of him. I am sure this is hard on
him as well. His best friend is not okay and somehow he survived must be hard.”
Me: “I never thought of it that way yaz. Id say these things happen but no they
don’t. There is more to this.”
Hlelo: “That’s what I thought but I didn’t want to seem insensitive. If only I was
already working at the doj maybe id have access to the case file.”
Me: “Speaking of case file, police haven’t come to ask question about possible
enemies or me as suspect even.”
Hlelo: “Are you saying there is no case?”
Me: “I don’t know or maybe they are not even investigating it.” We sat and took a
minute to think things through “I’ll go to the hospital and ask for the records from
the scene.” She nodded.
Hlelo: “It’s the only way to find the police officer who took over the case because
the paramedics cant move him without the police.” She was right
Me: “We shall see.”
Hlelo: “Aaah ‘Bow we are going to kill it in the work place.” I laughed
Me: “I know. We are already thinking like lawyers.” It was crazy actually that what
I came was already mine. We carried on talking about law and the future and
graduation.
======
Me: "Nyambose, its been 3 months without you. 3 months without hearing the
sound of your voice saying "Thingo lwam" 3 months of pain and misery. I can't go
on anymore Hlangalezwe, I am scared and exhausted." I looked at him, he didn't
look like my Nyambose. And my baby moved again, he has been doing that a lot. I
took Hlanga's hand and placed it on my tummy "Please don't be shocked when
you wake up and see me all big and ugly, turns out you and I made a very active
baby." I giggled and wiped my tears "He wakes me up very early in the morning
and wants something with vinger, now I eat everything with vinegar, imagine." I
laughed this time "There's still so much you and I have to do. You haven't given
me a white wedding and we haven't walked to get my qualification because baby
we worked really hard for it. The sacrifices and sleepless nights have paid off. So
Hlangalezwe fight this, fight to come back to your family because we need more
than you can imagine."
Ma: "He's coming back, he just need time and for us to not give up."
Me: "He has to come back ma." I didn't like the person I'd be without him so I was
counting on him waking up. We sat and just watched him not moving or even
show signs of life. What I was faced with was beyond words and I didn't wish it on
anyone, it was a big burden to carry but for Hlanga I could handle anything and I
wasn't giving up on him.

»50«
MUSA
"Maybe right now a happy ending doesn't include a relationship. Maybe its you,
on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over. Freeing yourself up for
something better, maybe the happy ending is just... MOVING ON."
No matter how much we want things to stay the same, life is all about change.
Sometimes change is for the better, and sometimes its not. I honestly still
believed that Ndumiso was my husband and I wanted only him. If I wasn't in his
arms then I'll have to find a way to make myself happy. But no matter why things
are changing, we need to be able to let go and move on. Whether it’s the death of
a loved one, a painful breakup, a business failure, or a treacherous betrayal,
holding onto pass pain and resentment will only hold you back. So yes I was finally
accepting my divorce and letting go, for the sake of the boys but mostly myself
Me: "So I sat down with myself and confronted myself with the truth like you
said."
Dr: "Okay and?" Yes I was seeing a therapist as per mamazi's suggestion and she's
been great help over the past months.
Me: "I have been holding in a lot. From my mother to my failed marriage." She
nodded "And I wasnt aware of how bad things are, I admit I have avoidance
issues."
Dr: "I am glad you came to the conclusion on your own. But avoidance is just a
fraction of your problems, your situation is traumatic and you did the best to
survive it and your family shielded you a lot and I guess from that you sort of got
comfortable with not necessarily taking responsibility for your actions." She
wasn't wrong. Baba and gogo fought all my battles for me.
Me: "I agree, in most parts I failed to mature and handle certain decisions like a
grown up. I can't change the past Sheila and holding on to it is not helping either. I
really want to put the past year behind me and move on. Ndumiso left the kids
with me since he had business to handle outside the country and during these
holidays I have managed to come up with a solid plan for the coming year."
Dr: "Wow! I am impressed. I am liking the progress. So tell me about this plan of
yours."
Me: "I almost lost my family last year and I was more scared than ever. My
mother gave birth to a baby girl last month, she's a premature baby but we are
hopeful. All of this made me look at life differently and with the way my family
have been supportive of me I am just more hopeful and ready to start over as a
single woman. So I quit my job and I am planning on renewing my physiotherapy
license and open my own practice."
Dr: "Wow that's big and bold plans."
Me: "I know, I am 34 years old Sheila and I am not getting any younger and its
time I act my age."
Dr: "Age has nothing to do with it. Its emotional maturity that matters most and
your mentality." She had a point. "Are you open to new relationships?"
Me: "No. For now I just want to focus on myself, learn from my mistakes. I am still
not okay with everything that's happening in my life right now Sheila but I am
accepting things and moving on. That also comes with forgiving myself for a lot of
things and I am still struggling with that and I am giving myself the time to deal
with things properly. For so long I have defined myself as Ndumiso's girlfriend
then wife and in all this I think I lost a sense of myself. So a relationship is not my
top priority."
Dr: "Every failed relationship is an opportunity for self-growth and learning. Be
thankful and move on." Our 1 hour timer went off
Me: "Thank you Sheila and I'll see you next week."
Dr: "Okay enjoy your week." We hugged and I left her office. I drove home to
fetch the boys who were supposed to be fetched by their father the previous day
but didn't pitch and his phone was off.
Jnr: "Mamiza schools are starting tomorrow and I need school shoes."
Me: "Okay we'll handle that but I am worried about dad, he hasn't said anything
and his phone is still off."
Mpendulo: "I still don't believe we didn't spend the holidays with him." Yeah
Ndumiso asked me to watched them a week before schools closed and
disappeared from the face of the earth, okay I am being dramatic he called with
an international number every second day but still he missed both Christmas and
New year's day with them.
Me: "Let's go get your school stuff guys." And we drove to the mall for stationery
and whatever and we also passed the salon for them to cut their hair and we
drove past Ndumiso's penthouse and it was a party. A lot of girls who I have never
seen before and guys who weren't Ndumiso's friends. Bottles of alcohol
everywhere and hubbly and looked like it's been like that for a while because it
was dirty.
Ndu: "Shit! Eish." The place was so disgusting, I wanted to throw up. He walked
up to us from the couch and he also had an unpleasant odour
Girl: "Baby, we need more booze." Baby, wow!
Me: "Let's go guys, dad is busy." I took their hands and attempted to leave
Ndu: "Omuhle! Boys, wait." His eyes were so red and he couldn't walk straight. I
really didn't like this
Me: "Boys go fetch your things from the car." I handed them the key "Ndumiso
are you using again?" It was so obvious, why was I even asking.
Ndu: "What? Of course not. We have been partying since last night and we
haven't slept that's all" Lies! That's the thing with addicts they were good liars and
I was so familiar with this situation. When Ndumiso uses he becomes a totally
different person. He's unreliable and lies, he's also reckless. Everything started
adding up from the scene that was in front of me. Him forgetting about the boys
and the fact that they have school was because he was distracted and was using
again. I left his high and sorry ass and I told the boys we are going to the hospital.
I didn't want them to see Ndumiso like that, it would hurt their innocent eyes. We
went to mamazi's room and she looked comfortable together with the baby. Baba
went overboard like always, private room and the best staff for iPhakade lakhe.
Mamazi: "Hey guys."
Jnr: "Hello grandma and grandpa. How's the new baby?" She was still the
incubator but she was growing, she looked better than what she was a month
ago. The doctors were hopeful.
Mpendulo: "She still doesn't have a name?"
Baba: "We have decided on Qhawekazi."
Mamazi: "Nozibusiso Gumede." She was smiling and I joined her
Me: "I like them." I looked at them "Can the boys and I move in while Ndumiso
handles business." I wasn't sure if my parents were aware of what Ndumiso and
Nathan did for a living.
Mamazi: "We are here all the time anyways so have a party even." This woman
was so strong though. She seemed fine.
Me: "You guys we'll leave the hospital soon, don't worry."
Mamazi: "Its just not comfortable as home Musa but I have accepted the
situation." I looked at the glass house
Me: "She's going to be dark like me."
Mamazi: "I know but she's definitely taking my looks, I went through a lot for
this." We laughed
Baba: "No! No! iQhawekazi la baba will take after her father."
Mamazi: "We still waiting on the paternity."
Baba: "Please stop with that crap because the subtext I am getting is that you
cheating on me and it won't end well for anyone mostly you." Mamazi laughed
Mamazi: "Your threats were terrifying back then but now you all old and grey hair
everywhere, asisabi!"
Me: "Mamazi kodwa." I laughed so hard. Their age difference will always be a
joke. After a while the siblings entered, including Miss London. She flew in the day
after they delivered Nozi.
Hlelo: "The King's aunty's name is Qhawekazi."
Sbonga: "Hayi mama she's not aunty, she's a baby." We laughed. Sbonga will
never stop being cute and those were Hlelo's genes. Hlelo was an obvious pretty
face but her kind heart and soft nature made her flawless.
Mamazi: "So none of you thought of cooking for baba and I?" We were all guilty
"Mxm!"
Sasa: "Mamazi we'll make it up to you next week."
Baba: "Suka! All you know is milking me for money. Come lets go, I am taking you
home, your first day in matric tomorrow."
Simo: "Yoh I am almost done with this crap, then the real shit will happen." They
high-fived with Ntokomalo.
Mamazi: "Need I remind you two that King Radio is impressionable. So watch your
language around him and your sister."
Ndalo: "Hawu mamazi Kazi is only a month old."
Hlelo: "She won't be 1 month forever. Look at how fast Sbonga grew." They had a
point. After a while they left for Durban and Hlelo and I went home to cook
mamazi's dinner.
Me: "So I am relocating to Joburg just for the sake of change and to be closer to
the boys. So first step is buying a house." With Ndumiso using again, I had to take
charge of the situation before it got out of hand.
Hlelo: "Even better we'll get ourselves a nice place without the boys." I liked the
idea but I needed my own space and so did she
Me: "You and Sbonga need a break from the boys so you finding your own place is
not a bad idea."
Hlelo: "Oh no! I love living with those idiots, I was joking but I fully support you
being independent."
Me: "Thank you mntase. I am also renewing my physiotherapy license and for
now I want to freelance."
Hlelo: "Wow! Please get on it." She sounded more excited than me "The guy I am
in a situationship with was shot on his shoulder and he needs physiotherapy."
Me: "Woah wait! You are shagging Hlanga's best friend?" She nodded a bit
embarrassed
Hlelo: "Things have gotten out of hand mntase. Not only is he Hlanga's best
friend, he's also Nathan's friend and you know him."
Me: "Wooooh He'll throw a fit nje better make sure things don't escalate, keep it
casual or end it."
Hlelo: "I don't know hay. He gave me a key to his place a few months back. It's
gotten to a point where he sends me money and there are petnames." Was she in
denial?
Me: "Hlehle, its no longer a situationship. You two are in a relationship."
Hlelo: "Hayi Musa! Please be his physiotherapist." She was diverting the
conversation, definitely denial.
Me: "Of course, he's my first client." I was actually excited about my new path. I
had great hope for it. Nosipho came back from wherever and we went back to the
hospital. Ndumiso didn't even bother checking up on the kids, I was really worried
about him but in order for me to actually move on I had to set boundaries and
convince myself that us talking was about the kids. I was also so hurt about how
he just used me for sex the last time we were together, he treated me like I was
nothing. Me actually making so much effort to move on came from that incident.
=====
Ndu: "Omuhle, mamiza. I am really sorry for the way I have been behaving, I am
back now and I'll take the boys. But this is all your fault!" He was of sober mind, I
hoped but no he was disoriented, so he was definitely high.
Me: "Ndumiso, I apologized and took full responsibility for my actions. I even
respected your decision of us divorcing but I'll not let you put your drug addiction
on me." Was he kidding me?
Ndumiso: "Omuhle you killed our baby." I'd like to say I regret telling him but I
don't. He deserved to know the truth. I also don't regret my decision. Looking at
how he was at that moment, it reminded me of why I made that decision without
second guessing myself. Back then things were even worse because we were
young.
Me: "Ndumiso think about Mpendulo and Nj. You're a father now, you need to
make better choices. Baby I am really sorry for the baby that we didn't have but
Ndumiso you know the truth." And that was, back then he was in no position to
be a father because he was unreliable and reckless on top of that he overdosed, I
was scared as fuck.
Ndu: "..." he looked at me "Can you watch them for the week, ill see them over
the weekend." He took out his phone and did something with it and I got a
notification of R50000 from his bank account to mine. "That should be enough for
their needs."
Me: "Ndumiso please get your shit together."
Ndu: "Call me if there's a problem." He left me standing there all lost and worried.
The only option I had was to call his sisters because I had no grounds to intervene
Zamile: "I thought my brother finally saw the light and divorced you.
Khuluma(talk) Musa!" She said it with so much attitude. She was the girl born
after Ndu and she didn't hide how much she disliked me, actually all Ndumiso's
sisters didn't like me. Til this day I don't understand why because I really tried my
best at helping him raise them.
Me: "Your brother is not fine Zamile. He's using again."
Zamile: "Wow! Just because he divorced you, now you are going to go around
painting him as a drug addict something he dealt with a long time ago." Wow
Me: "Zamile please check up on him." I hung up, I was already doing my part
which was taking care of the kids the rest was on them. Ndumiso had really come
far with his drug addiction, he got clean after Mpendulo was born and he never
used again until now. Why would he set himself back like this. I carried on with
my day which was house shopping and equipment shopping for my new venture
and later went to fetch the boys from school.
=====
Hlelo: "Let's go to the doctor Musomuhle." She was a bit commanding
Me: "Just give me pain killers Hlelo, its not deep its just period pains."
Gogo: "Take her Gugulethu, she's been like this since yesterday, haa anjan lama
period pains angapheli(what kind of pains that don't subside)"
Alime: "Asambe sisi." I didn't have a choice, I stood up and followed them to the
car
Gogo: "Call with an update."
Alime: "Sure magogo."
Gogo: "Yay wena Khaya!" We laughed and we left. Alime decided to take me to
the ER and I was attended to immediately because Hlelo might have said I am
dying, my sister was dramatic sometimes. The doctor did her thing
Dr: "How long have you been bleeding?"
Me: "This is my second day." She carried doing whatever and jotting down and
left and came back with 2 other doctors. And they discussed my case
Hlelo: "How bad is it, oh nkosi wam she's dying?"
Dr2: "No she's having a miscarriage."
Me: "What?"
Dr: "It appears that you were pregnant."
Dr3: "No actually you are still pregnant. You lost one triplet." I looked at my
siblings who were shocked like I am.
Me: "Wow!" I didn't know how I felt. I was still shocked
Alime: "I am calling everyone." And he took out his phone
Me: "So what's the plan?"
Dr: "We have to admit you Mrs Duma." I was still in the process of changing back
to my last name. "We have to deal with your case with furness because the the
other two are still at risk."
Me: "I didn't even know I was pregnant, I was fine."
Dr2: "Pregnancies differ. We'll leave you to get admitted. I am sorry for your loss
and congratulations." So just like that I lost a baby and I was still pregnant. Life is
really a funny thing and so much for starting over.
Alime: "Is it Ndumiso's?" I nodded doubtfully.
Hlelo: "So what now? I am really sorry and congratulations mntase."
Me: "Is it possible to be admitted in the same room as mamazi and Nozi?"
Alime: "I'll ask for you." He came over and hugged me. He wasn't a guy of words,
Alime spoke through actions. He left the room and Hlelo and I looked at each
other.
Me: "I don't know how I feel Hlehle. Ndumiso divorced me partly because of us
not having kids and now he's unravelling. This pregnancy has the worst timing."
Hlelo: "There'll never be the right time for pregnancy Musa and you need to stop
thinking of Ndumiso who is a grown ass man and makes his own decisions. Please
start thinking of yourself and your kids." She was right. Ndumiso made his choice
by divorcing me and I'd like to think he's happy with his choice and its time I
thought like a single woman that I am.
Me: "I never saw this coming but I'll make the best of it." She smiled "Do you
think I'll make a good mother?"
Hlelo: "Look at how far you've come with Mpendulo and Nj, and they love
mamiza. So I have no doubt you'll be the best mother."
Me: "Thank you for that. You'll teach me all you know about single parenting, I
never told you this but mntase I admire your strength and I have learnt a lot from
you."
Hlelo: "Thank you for saying that." We hugged and we waited for Alime to come
back. Things were about to change drastically for me and I was ready for
whatever life threw at me but I wasn't sure about the father of my babies though.

»50«
CONTINUED
NATHAN
Things have been tensed with the gang since Hlanga's shooting and Chance's
stabbing. The gang was failing to find who they were dealing with
Chance: "Someone is out for blood and its Hlanga and I's blood they're after." He
hadn't fully recovered since he had a liver transplant. The guy who stabbed him
knew exactly what he was doing. He stabbed him deep enough to damage his
liver.
Me: "Chance and Hlanga's past has come back to haunt them."
Chance: "It's not a shocker because Hlanga and I screwed over a lot of people
back then."
Nqobani: "In the last 3 months I managed to figure out one thing, that this
location has been compromised. Yes it's not easily accessible but these guys were
professionals and have managed to figure out our place of business."
Chance: "Everything is moving to Durban until we have handled this situation and
I would prefer that Hlanga change hospitals because the bounty is still on until we
are confirmed dead."
Nqobani: "That won't be an easy thing. His parents are in town not forgetting
Thingo who by now is still not aware of what is actually going on." While were
talking and discussing relocation. Ndumiso entered, he looked different.
Me: "You disappeared for 3 fucken months!!!!" Anger was an understatement
Sizwe: "Haibo Ndumiso mfethu, zishan(what's going on)?"
Ndumiso: "What's with the long faces, who died?" He smiled. His eyes were
bloodshot red
Me: "Nxa iqhunyiwe inja(this dog is high)!"
Sizwe: "Come on Ndumiso, you better than this."
Sam: "He's back on drugs."
Chance: "NDUMISO LEAVE AND DON'T SHOW YOUR FACE EVER AGAIN."
Nqobani: "I'll walk him out." Him and Sizwe dragged him out.
Me: "Let's carry on guys." I honestly had no words for Ndu. Firstly he disappeared
on the worst time of our lives and we needed his technical skills.
Sam: "Divorce changed him."
Chance: "We'll deal with him later." He was pissed.
Me: "Don't stress yourself Thuba, you are still recouping. Ndumiso is my
problem."
Chance: "Deal with him Nathan because if I handle things I'll end him."
Me: "I am on it." Nqobani and Sizwe came back and the meeting continued
Chance: "Like I said Hlanga and I screwed over a lot of people back then. That was
our MO, stealing from other criminals, we liked causing chaos. Initially it was 3 of
us, Linda died when a heist went wrong. We were stealing from this man." He
showed us his picture "It was the biggest mistake we ever made because it cost
Linda his life and that's when Hlanga joined the military and I came to start over in
Jozi. A few years later we crossed paths again with Mazwi and we set him up with
the police and I took over his territory. His serving a life sentence and rumour on
the streets has it that he's reponsible for this bounty on our heads"
Me: "And a lot of people want to collect the half a million. The guy we caught 2
months ago is just the middle man. He's the guy you contact when you setting up
the bounty." We killed him after he gave us Mazwi's name
Nqobani: "Here's what's going to happen now we are setting up a 2 million
bounty on this face." He showed a blurred vision we managed to capture from the
security cameras outside the club. "I believe they worked together with the guy
who stabbed Thuba because we were attacked more or less the same time."
Chance: "Now go out there spread the word whoever gives us a name, address or
even brings this guy there's a 2 million up for grabs." They all took their things
Me: "How's your arm?"
Nqobani: "No permanent damage and I am starting physio with Musa soon."
Me: "Musa? How the fuck did you get to Musa."
Nqobani: "Shit!" I gave him a questioning look "Thingo and Hlelo suggested her
since I didn't trust anyone."
Me: "You are too close to my family now Grootboom."
Nqobani: "Its harmless and I am not a bad guy here Nathan."
Me: "After Ndumiso I don't trust anyone with my family, especially gangsters." I
looked at Thabo as well
Thabo: "Nathan what's meant to happen will happen." And he left the room.
Me: "See what I mean."
Nqobani: "Can we get back to work now?" I nodded "Since we can't move Hlanga
we'll tighten the security and say military ordered the security.
Me: "That's not a bad idea."
Nqobani: "Can we talk about Ndumiso now."
Chance: "We don't need a grown ass man's drama. Dimpho and Simmy give me
enough at home. He's seating this one out until he figures his shit out, I don't see
room for him if he's going to behave like a boy, he's not the only one with
problems."
Me: "I couldn't say it any better."
Nqobani: "He's the best hacker we got."
Me: "Alime is more trained than he is. You saw how he managed to get us the
picture." Ndumiso leaving left us exposed but the work managed to carry on
without him.
Me: "Let's go to the hospital." It was clear that I was driving because Nqobani had
one arm and Chance was on a wheelchair. We wheeled him to the car and we left.
Nqobani: "Are you sure you didn't fuck up while you were operating because all
you cared about was money?"
Dr: "I did all the tests to show that he's still alive. I also tested for brain function
and its still there. His lungs were badly damaged so they need time."
Chance: "Thanks doctor."
Dr: "I thought I prescribed best rest for you Mr Ngubeni." Yeah the same doctor
operated on both of them, he was certified for transplants
Chance: "The last time I checked Mr Ngubeni was my father and he's dead."
Wow! This guy "Doc I am fine and I am on a wheelchair so I am not straining my
body."
Dr: "Okay, I'll check up on him later." He left the room and we sat and watched
him.
Me: "He's losing body mass." I was now reading his chart.
Nqobani: "They are feeding him through a tube of course he's losing weight."
Chance: "We need to deal with Mazwi, Hlanga wouldn't be sitting around and
doing nothing."
Me: "You are right. I say let's take the fight to Mazwi."
Nqobani: "He's in prison."
Chance: "I have a pull around the prison system."
Me: "Even the one he's incarcerated in?" He shook his head "Let's get an inside
man in that specific prison then. Qophelo is a DoD advisor he can get us in."
Nqobani: "What? Kanjan Nathan?"
Me: "Yeah. The 5 men hacked the government years ago. Long story, short they
own the government now."
Nqobani: "Oh shit!!! We were briefed about the dangerous men SA has ever seen
but it was 6 initially, Nathan were you the sixth man?"
Me: "The outside man. Best heist of my life."
Chance: "Those men don't seem that powerful to me."
Me: "That's the best power, power in the shadows."
Chance: "One day is one day." We still had a few years in the game "Talk to your
people and I'll talk to mine and we'll see what I come back with."
Nqobani: "Give me your brother's number I want him to access the employee
database for that prison maybe we'll come back with some leverage."
Me: "Okay but don't exploit my brother Nqobani, he's a freelancer so pay him."
we laughed
Nqobani: "Family discount nyana?"
Me: "I am his brother not you." We all left the hospital and I drove them home
and I had to drive to Qophelo. Everyone was in Jozi since Qhawekazi's birth.
Qophelo was one lucky son of a bitch. I also wanted a family as big as his mainly
because my family tree started with ouma who was dead and then there was just
me. My background was really fucked up, that's why it was so easy for us to
relocate.
Me: "Came to check on the little sister." I looked at the Big guy "I hope this is your
last child guys, I am fucken 41 years old and my sister is a month old, does this
look right to you." We laughed
Ntandokazi: "You are old enough to be her father. We are really too old to have a
baby Qwabe."
Qophelo: "There's no such thing, Qhawekazi is proof that age is just a number."
He was actually serious whereas Ntandokazi and I were joking.
Ntandokazi: "Have you and Azande fixed things?"
Me: "Marriage is complicated mamazi, I don't know were we are right now."
Qophelo: "Things will fall into place, just give it time."
Me: "Mmm. I need your help big guy."
Ntandokazi: "Please do not subject my daughter and I to your mission dealings."
We laughed and we left the room after I took one last look at Qhawekazi, she was
really growing compared to a month ago. Big guy and I had a conversation and I
left for home.
Sphe: "Please talk to sisi, I don't want to study in joburg. I want to go to Durban."
She didn't even let me get into the house, I had just parked my car
Me: "Why doesn't she want you to go to Durban?"
Sphe: "She's being her controlling self, do the right things and make her see
reason." I chuckled and we went in the house
Azande: "My word is final Nathan, Sphesihle is going to UP."
Me: "Mama wezingane zam." I smiled like an idiot
Azande: "Mxm!" She was still so beautiful. I took Ella from her play mat.
Me: "Buhle tell mommy how beautiful she is, sy maak papa naar!" And she just
smiled "And you daddy's goddess, lucky for me I own more than one gun, so don't
bring a boy home." Azande laughed
Azande: "Kodwa Nathan! So Ella has to know Afrikaans? I mean Nathan I don't
even know it, I don't want you two gossiping about me."
Me: "I am partly Afrikaans Azande but its her choice really and if she decides to
embrace that part of herself best believe we will gossip about you." I laughed
because she was bothered
Azande: "I don't care actually."
Me: "Ons weet mama gee om(we know mama cares)." Ella was just so confused. I
wanted her to know Afrikaans actually but our family was complicated and I didn't
want to be confused "Azande let Sphe do what she wants, she's a minor and you
get to decide for her but still, she also has to be happy."
Azande: "Nathan she's leaving me." Wow!
Me: "She's growing up baby and Durban is so close, you can see her anytime you
want"
Azande: "Okay." She was getting emotional.
Me: "Don't cry MaJele, Sphe is a good kid and she'll make good choices and even
if she doesn't we'll be here to help her find her way."
Azande: "Okay. Thank you."
Me: "Okay. Come here, come give Buhle and I a hug." And we grouped hugged.
Azande: "I am just so scared for her Nathan, she'll be all alone that side."
Me: "Baby Sphe has Sasa and Thando that side and the rest of the family, if you
feel she needs safety and support she can live with them or at the house. Plus
every weekend we take Jay to Sonia and we'll see her then."
Azande: "I am overreacting neh."
Me: "No you are being a very protective big sister and its okay." She kept on
nodding.
Azande: "I love you."
Me: "I love you too." We baby kissed "Can I move back in now? Baby we love each
other that's all that matters."
Azande: "The other stuff matters too Nathan." Wow! I'll never move back in
clearly "You can move back in on a temporary basis."
Me: "Mxm! Temporary basis my ass. Azande I am not some random guy, I am
your husband. I am done begging, I am moving back in." She smiled
Azande: "You know, I can't decide if I want to punch you in the face for being a
gangster or keep having your babies." I love her man and what she said made me
so happy, I couldn't help but smile.
Me: "Keep having my babies mama wezingane zam." We laughed and kissed we
carried watching tv. And just like that I was back in the house but I have to admit,
Azande is one difficult woman to deal with yerr!
»51«
HLELO
Thingo: "She's growing everyday." She smiled looking at Qhawekazi and my baby
sister looked so much better
Mamazi: "She really is. I held her for the first time today and all I can say is
#Grateful." She was smiling, my mother was too woke for me sometimes "She's
really a victress, today I can finally say she's going to make it." Baba named her
Qhawekazi because of how victorious she's been, she beat all the odds basically.
What our family went through was a lot because the doctors weren't giving us
good news, just stats and risks but because my mother was a praying woman and
my father was a man who didn't give up easily we survived and made it here.
Me: "She's really strong so she's definitely going to make it."
Sasa: "So Nosipho, Musa and I are taking you two out." She pointed at Thingo and
I.
Thingo: "I can't, I have to be at the hospital in an hour."
Sasa: "Okay can we at least steal you for just 2 hours. You two are starting work
soon and I personally feel you need a wardrobe change and shopping will help
you distress. And I can't have you looking like this when bhuti wakes up" I smiled
and Thingo too
Thingo: "Hayi Sasa."
Sasa: "Mama bear you've let yourself go and I get it, you are going through a lot
but I am here to ease up the pain." My sister though
Me: "Your belly is getting bigger by the minute 'Bow, you need a new wardrobe."
She really did, her hair was a mess and she wasn't rocking maternity wear like
Thingo Mthethwa could. She was going through a lot but she needed a confidence
boost and looking good has an impact at feeling good.
Thingo: "Okay, let me go spend time with my man for a while then we'll meet at
the mall."
Sasa: "Perfect! I am your stylist ke, I want you to get to the corp world and slay!"
We laughed my sister though
Me: "I'll go with 'Bow."
Thingo: "Thanks and you are driving." She handed me the keys
Mamazi: "Be careful guys and thank you for coming to see us Thingo
lwenkosazane."
Thingo: "I'll keep dropping by mamazi, all the best Qhawekazi." We hugged
mamazi and left "So there's no hope for you and Mpilo?"
Me: "Can we not talk about it but about you starting work next week, are you
sure? I mean bhuti is still unconscious and you're pregnant." I had nothing to say
about Mpilo, we never happened.
Thingo: "You sound like my mother-in-law right now."
Me: "I am just worried that you are avoiding the situation, Bow what you going is
a lot and I'd understand if you hold of things and focused on Hlanga."
Thingo: "Gugulethu I can't help Hlanga, I am useless just sitting there or listening
to the doctor changing his medicine doses. I need to keep busy otherwise, there
wont be a pregnancy or me." She was crying now. Luckily we already at the
hospital, so parked.
Me: "Okay babe, I understand and I'll be here with you every step of the way." I
wiped her tears.
Thingo: "Thank you for everything."
Me: "I got you."
Thingo: "I really thought that Nqobani and I we'll be in this together, I mean
Hlangalezwe is our person, we both need him. I know that for sure."
Me: "He's still not taking your calls?" Wow, that idiot lied to me and said he'll
reach out.
Thingo: "Mmm"
Me: "He'll come around. Let's go inside." And we did. He was losing weight and he
looked so lifeless. Sometimes his mother slept at the hospital, it was really sad to
watch. Eventually we went to the mall and Sasa and Nosipho did the most with
us.
Musa: "Is lingerie still part of the make over?"
Thingo: "Nope, this is for when Hlanga wakes up." She made it sound so sad, I was
glad she was hopeful but I was really scared for her, scared that I won't be there
when she reaches her pain threshold because I knew for sure she was in pain.
Sasa: "Take the beige one as well."
Thingo: "I like it."
Nosipho: "Clothes done, now we need to deal with your hair and faces."
Sasa: "Thingo we are introducing you to make up."
Thingo: "Do your thing but I have my own hair person."
Nosipho: "Even better." And we went her hair person
Thingo: "Nolwazi these are my Gumede siblings. This is Nolwazi, Nqobani's sister."
Wow small world, I remember her from Thingo's 21st but I always figured she was
Thingo's friend.
Nolwazi: "I am pleased to meet you guys. So you all here for weave installation?"
Sasa: "Yes. Please give 'Bow kinky curls and Hlehle here a Kim K bob and I'd like a
wig please matric o reng mo ngwaneng." We laughed, she was so extra. Sasa
wasn't allowed to wear weaves at school.
Thingo: "Joooh you really want us to slay."
Me: "She really does."
Nolwazi: "Okay come this side and the ladies will deal with you. Here are your
menus"
Musa: "What? We get served here hehe sign me up for your loyalty membership."
We laughed and we all got our hair treatment, shaped our brows and we also did
our nails. She gave us tips on anything beauty, I really like their service hay.
Thingo: "I can't believe you studied architecture, this is your field babes."
Me: "What? I honestly thought you went to beauty school."
Nolwazi: "Not even and I am failing to get a job in that field, its so fucked up that
Nqobani had to hire me, imagine."
Thingo: "Something will come up boo."
Nolwazi: "Hopefully. Anyways thank you so much for the business guys, I guess
you still representing the brand."
Thingo: "I'll forever be Ubuhle doll." That was the name of the business.
Nolwazi: "Spread the word at your workplace because we are expanding."
Me: "I am definitely coming back."
Nolwazi: "Great." We hugged and left and went to buy food for my mother and
drove Thingo home because she didn't want to drive. After the hospital I went to
Nqobani's place. I used my keys, even after so long it felt weird
Nqobani: "Hey." We kissed and he kissed me so hungrily and I also enjoyed the
kiss. "I missed you."
Me: "Clearly, you can't get your hands off me." He chuckled and kissed me again
"I missed you too. How's physio?"
Nqobani: "Not good, its frustrating."
Me: "Give it time."
Nqobani: "So I am done with my prescription and my dick works perfectly." He
said with the biggest grin
Me: "Should we test it out?" I was smiling like crazy. Its been a long ass three
months with just oral sex.
Nqobani: "I thought you will never ask." And I jumped on him like a crazy person
"Careful MaGumede my shoulder hasn't fully healed
Me: "My bad." And we started kissing slowly and passionately. We stopped for a
while and we just stared at each other smiling "You make me happy." We kissed
again
Nqobani: "Thank you for saying that, I thought I was the only one who was
happy." He tucked my weave behind my ear "Umuhle MaGumede." He was now
caressing my cheek and he bought me closer to his face while he held my neck.
The only thing that mattered at that moment was the deep brown eyes that were
staring at me.
Me: "Thank you baby."
Nqobani: "Now let's go for that test drive."
Me: "I am ridin." We laughed
Nqobani: "And you leave me wanting more." He loves it when I ride on the D. And
we started kissing again from his lips I went down to his neck and I helped out his
top and I started placing wet kisses on his chest, he just let me do as I please and
that never happens often, he liked control. He unzipped my jeans and got me out
of them and my bodysuit followed. "DAMN IT!!!" He made me turn for him while
he examined my body and also dropped my g-string. He stood up from the couch
and quickly dropped his sweatpants and briefs and I looked at his huge manhood.
I pushed him back on the couch and I started stroking it a little, I slowly sat on it
while kissing him. "Aaaah shit!!!"
Me: "Oooooh." I started moving with his help because he was such an impatient
man. And I rode him like there was no tomorrow
Nqobani: "Shit baby!!"
Me: "Aaah" we were at it for a while until the control freak in him took over and
made me bend over.
Nqobani: "Aaaaah fuck! Fuck!" And he was giving it to me nicely
Me: "Aaaah mmm!" I came apart. "I missed this."
Nqobani: "Me too." He kissed my neck and picked me up to his bedroom and we
carried on there. Four rounds later we rested and cuddled.
Me: "How long are we going to keep us a secret. I know we not a couple but I
don't like the fact that I can't tell Thingo about it." He made me look at him
Nqobani: "There's Mpilo and Nathan we need to consider and now is not the time
to come out as whatever this is."
Me: "Nqobani I don't care about Nathan and Mpilo and I don't think you should
either. We didn't do anything wrong and whatever this is, its not wrong."
Nqobani: "Baby you are right, its not wrong but to them it is because of our
relationship. They are my boys and I care about what they think of me."
Me: "..." I got out of bed and I went to find my clothes
Nqobani: "Hlelo! Baby." I think he was following me to the lounge. I started
getting dress and he put on his brief, the way I was just so bored by the
conversation I couldn't admire his physique "Come on MaGumede." I honestly
didn't have the words for him.
Me: "I think I should go."
Nqobani: "Please don't. Look can we first sort ourselves out, figure out what we
are doing here before telling the world." Then it dawned on me, I was dealing
with a grieving man, he was ready for any kind of commitment. After dressing up I
went up to him
Me: "You still need to deal with losing Mimi and your son and I need to be single."
Nqobani: "I am dealing with it Hlelo."
Me: "I'll not get in the way of that." I looked at him, the truth was I didn't want to
leave but I had to. I took my handbag and took out his keys, I didn't need or
deserved them
Nqobani: "Baby please don't do this, at least lets find a way to face what's ahead."
He took my hand "Hlelo I want this, I want you and nothing is going to change
that. Its just that you are failing to see the challenge us being together in the open
is." I honestly didn't care about Nathan and Mpilo all that mattered to me was
that Nqobani made me happy. The way he looked at me and held me made me
feel special and wanted. But this mattered to him I guess I had to understand.
Me: "Nqobani are you sure about all of this, us?"
Nqobani: "Yes I am. Come let's go back to bed, I have physio in the morning." He
pulled me to the bedroom and helped me out of my clothes and we got into bed
and he held on to me tight "Baby I have been through a lot and I don't think it's
fair to subject another human being to my crap."
Me: "That's not true, you didn't ask for any of the things that happen to you to
happen."
Nqobani: "I know, its just that when you've been through what I've been through
commitment and happiness become a myth. I tasted happiness with Mimi and
Njabulo and it felt great but they died and they're never coming back, I get that. I
want that feeling again." He kissed me "Whenever I am with you I am a happy
man MaGumede." I kissed back
Me: "I am happy person naturally but you make me a happier person." He
chuckled
Nqobani: "I am glad. You know when things changed for me?"
Me: "Tell me."
Nqobani: "Spending time with you that night of your car accident, you woke up
something in me that I didn't know existed." Wow
Me: "All we did was drink and dance Nqobani that night."
Nqobani: "We talked and you looked at me without the pity eyes I had been
getting. You saw me as a person, not forgetting the nightmare I had after the club
incident. The way you were so calm and kind. I didn't feel judged at all." This man
though, he didn't need me to make him feel inferior, he was so vulnerable and
exposed and it was understandable with the nightmare he had.
Me: "There was nothing to judge and like I said I am human and I understand."
Nqobani: "My point is I like having you around, you're good for me."
Me: "I am glad you feel that way." He kissed my forehead "I am sleepy now."
Nqobani: "Lala baby." And I slowly dosed off
=======
Nosipho: " I really wanted to see you on your first day but duty calls." She was
flying back to London that night. My sister worked for a publishing company there
Sasa: "I am definitely coming to London June holidays." We had to change our
plans because of Qhawekazi and Thingo needing me
Me: "Its will depend with work, so we'll see."
Musa: "I'll be six months pregnant so we'll see."
Nosipho: "As long as you guys get to see my life that side I am happy."
Me: "Still no man?" She laughed
Nosipho: "As part of my New Year's resolution mntase, I'll try put myself out
there."
Musa: "Please MaMnguni, you are 32 years old. I mean I am divorced even." She
was really putting in the effort at moving on but we all knew how much she loved
her ex-husband. Musa even cut-off her snobbish friends for judging Ndumiso
because to them he was too ghetto for their liking. Baba and mamazi came from
the hospital and we had family dinner with speeches and everything
Mamazi: "Is the UK your home now?" She was asking because my sister was
talking about buying a house and getting a dog
Nosipho: "Mamazi if I feel like coming back I'll sell everything and move back
home." She nodded. It bothered my mother that Nosipho wasn't close enough to
her reach, she was overbearing like that. Nosipho said they talk everyday
Baba: "Since everyone is here I'd like for us to discuss Ntokomalo and Simosihle's
madness."
Sasa: "Wow who have they killed now?" We laughed
Me: "I beat and ask questions later so you better start talking."
Malo: "Mina no bafo are not going to varsity next year."
Mamazi: "Nino bafo wakho (You and your brother) what are you planning on
doing because there is no way I'll have you lazing around."
Simo: "I want to focus on my true talent."
Baba: "Simo we spoke about this, boxing was for you to deal with your anger
issues." Yes baba and mamazi forced my brother to channel his anger issues at
aggressive sports which was rugby and boxing. It helped because he was more
focused but now I am not so sure.
Simo: "Gumede I love it and I am not changing my mind." And he wasn't.
Mamazi: "Wena."
Malo: "Mamazi school is not my thing and I don't want to waste money
pretending like it is. I'll find something to do." Ntokomalo was the black sheep of
the family. He always did his own thing and he didn't care about anyone but
himself too
Baba: "Why are you quiet, talk some sense into them. Education is everything."
He looked at the twins.
Lakhe: "The year just started maybe they'll change their minds as the year goes." I
doubted that. We carried on discussing the matter until after dinner. We drove to
the hospital so that Nosipho can say her goodbyes to Qhawekazi and we saw her
off to her flight. Baba suggested her using the jet but Nosipho refused. While we
headed home Nqobani called and he sounded drunk and I drove to his place, it
was bottles everywhere and take away boxes
Me: "I disappear for two days and you throw a party?"
Nqobani: "Hlelo what if he doesn't wake up?" Oh no!!!
Me: "Baby Hlanga is going to wake up."
Nqobani: "I should have done more to help him." He was a mess and was
spiralling fast. I didn't know what to do
Me: "Nqobani Hlanga wouldn't want you blaming yourself. You didn't pull the
trigger so none of this is your fault."
Nqobani: "I don't want to talk about this."
Me: "Okay, what do you want to do."
Nqobani: "I want to fuck you hard!!" I didn't like his tone. He grabbed my face and
started kissing me roughly. I pushed him
Me: "Mmm. Nqobani you are drunk and not thinking straight."
Nqobani: "So what if I am drunk?" He was so rude and I was hurt. He has never
treated me like that.
Me: "Wow! I am leaving."
Nqobani: "Why? S&M that's what we do here Hlelo, am I missing something?" I
looked at him in disbelief and he had a questioning look. Maybe it was all in my
head then, him being rude and a little mean.
Me: "No." We started kissing again and it was different, even the sex didn't feel
like I was with Nqobani. He fucked me hard like he said and felt dirty after. I went
to take a long and hot shower. I shed a few tears, I am lying I wailed silently and
after I went to join him in bed after taking a pain killer. I do not know what
happened, I suddenly felt a shortness of breath and strong hands around my neck
Me: "Aaaah!!!" I screamed with fail "Nqobani!!!" I hit him and I kept on hitting
him but he grew stronger. Nathan once taught Sasa and I self-defense and it came
in handy that day. I bit his arm and somehow managed to hit his sensitive
shoulder and he screamed. We looked at each other "Were you trying to kill me?"
He was so confused, it was like he had just woken up. I got off the bed as fast as I
could
Nqobani: "Baby!" He came closer to me "Baby I am so sorry, it was nightmare." I
figured. I took my handbag and car keys and left. What the fuck, that whole night
was fucked up. I drove straight home and got in bed with Sbonga and I cried even
more. He wouldn't stop calling. I didn't know what to feel, I was so overwhelmed.
And the sun shined through the window and I started preparing Sbonga for pre-
school and later drove him there.
Me: "Wow! Are you a stalker? Are you following me?" He showed up at Sbonga's
school.
Nqobani: "I am. Baby I don't know what to say."
Me: "Nqobani you treated me like shit yesterday and I let you because you are
going through a lot. Your best friend is in hospital and you lost your girlfriend and
son I get that but I didn't deserve what happened last night."
Nqobani: "I am really, really sorry Hlelo, I feel like shit for everything that
happened last night and this morning. I made a mistake and I want to fix it, just
tell me how." He looked at me with pleading eyes
Me: "I am still so hurt Nqobani." I tried to fight the tears but failed "You treated
like I am nothing." I cried, I couldn't stop myself. He bought me towards his chest
and hushed me
Nqobani: "Please forgive me MaGumede. I know I don't deserve it especially after
the way you've been so kind to me. You really didn't deserve what I did to you
and I make no excuses for my behavior. Please forgive me and tell me how to fix
this and I will."
Me: "There's no unringing the bell Nqobani, I wish I didn't know you were capable
of hurting me this way." I sighed "Go and see Thingo and take care of her today
because I can't." I wasn't fine emotionally. I felt used by him and I was just
disappointed and it all felt like Melisizwe's dejavu of just using me for sex and
discarding me like garbage.
Nqobani: "Baby come on, not today. I can't face her today, not after what I did to
you."
Me: "Thingo needs you Nqobani! If you want my forgiveness you will go see her."
Nqobani: "Okay, fine I will go." He looked at me "I am really sorry Hlelo."
Me: "I need time. I have to go now." And I got into my car
Nqobani: "Hlelo I am going to fix this. I'll try like hell to unring the bell." and drove
to mamazi and Qhawekazi. The one question that kept running through my mind
was "Was this all worth it?" Nqobani was miles away from fine, he had a lot of
emotional open wounds and was I willing to put myself through that?

»51«
CONTINUED
THINGO
Me: “One look in your eyes and there I see Just what you mean to me Here in my
heart I believe Your love is all I'll ever need Holdin' you close through the night I
need you, yeah
I look in your eyes and there I see What happiness really means The love that we
share makes life so sweet Together we'll always be This pledge of love feels so
right And, ooh, I need you
Here and now I promise to love faithfully (Faithfully) You're all I need Here and
now I vow to be one with thee (You and me), hey Your love is all (I need) I need"
the next part Hlanga usually broke all the notes. It was always so funny, I really
missed him. "When I look in your eyes, there I'll see All that a love should really be
And I need you more and more each day Nothin' can take your love away More
than I dare to dream I need you” the next part we sang together, smiling and
happy “Here and now I promise to love faithfully (Faithfully) You're all I need Here
and now I vow to be one with thee (You and me), yeah Your love is all I need…” I
looked at him while I wiped my tears.
Nqobani: "I didn't know you could sing, you sound great." I wasn't expecting him.
The truth was I was actually mad at him. He just left me hung and dry.
Me: "What brings you here?" I gave him a little attitude.
Nqobani: "I am sorry Thingo lwethu. I failed you." He sighed "I have been doing
that a lot lately." He said looking at my husband. He really was blaming himself for
the shooting
Me: "Who shot at you guys and why?" I looked at him "Is because of your job?" I
mean they were soldiers so there could have enemies.
Nqobani: "Thingo Hlanga has to explain everything to you and I'll let him do that.
My job now is to take care of you and the baby. I am really sorry for disappearing
on you at a time like this but the state you were in at the hospital, I don't know, I
somehow felt responsible for the pain you are in."
Me: "But you are not, you were also shot." I looked at him properly, he looked
different or is it because I hadn't seen in a while? "How are you holding up?" This
couldn't be easy for him, Hlanga and Nqobani were a couple guys. Wherever
Hlanga was Nqobani wasn't far behind and visa versa.
Nqobani: "Ask me that when he wakes up."
Me: "What if he doesn't wake up Nqobani, what are we going to do?" I was a little
panicked. He wasn't getting better and I was slowly losing hope maybe the time
for me to face really had come.
Nqobani: "He has wake up Thingo. After Njabulo and Mimi I don't think I'll be able
to deal with the death of someone so close to me."
Me: "That's how I feel, after I lost my mother all I had was Aya. She was the only
person who actually cared about me then one random night a reckless driver
almost ran me over with his car and my life changed, in ways I had never
imagined. Him dying would kill me, I'll not come back from it Nqobani. He's my
life-line." I was crying now and pregnancy was helping because my body didn't
feel like mine.
Nqobani: "Maybe its time we got a second opinion."
Me: "He's the best doctor in the country Nqobani."
Nqobani: "We'll reach out overseas then. Let's visit the option."
Me: "Okay I'll talk to the parents." We kept quiet and just looked at him. The
thought of living without him was slowly killing me and the fact that there was a
baby on the way made things even worse.
====
Ma: "Siphosethu I don't think this is a good idea. Did you consult with your doctor
about this?" She really wasn't supportive of me starting my internship
Baba: "I am with your mother on this one Siphosethu."
Me: "Baba no ma, I have to at least try and fail. If I can't handle it I'll stop but just
sitting around and waiting for him to wake up is driving me crazy." They were
really worried and the truth was so was I "I'll take it easy, I promise." I started
eating the mountain of breakfast ma made and I went to finish up getting ready
and I took my things and drove to the hospital. I found the nurse washing him "Let
me finish up for you."
Nurse: "Okay." And I shaved his beard
Me: "So its my first day at work today." I carried on cleaning him up "The parents
are concerned and I promised to take it easy. So what do you think?"
Hlanga: "..." the machine kept on beeping.
Me: "I think I am going to kill it especially after Sasa gave me a head to toe
makeover." I giggled, Sasa was something else. "I am just worried about my
tummy Hlangalezwe. I am showing, I am going to be labelled as the pregnant
intern." I sat down after cleaning him "I wish you were here, cheering me on. I
know you were going to make a big deal about this more than me." I kissed his
hand and I just cried "I don't know how much longer I can hold on without you
Hlangalezwe. Baby if you see the white light turn back because the baby and I are
counting on you." I gathered myself as the nurse entered the room "I am going to
leave now and see how working feels. I'll see you at lunchtime." I kissed his
forehead "I love you so much Nyambose wam." And I left for my first day at work.
I went through the whole process of being registered in their system and then it
was orientation time
Lady: "Good morning interns."
Us: "Good morning." It was 5 of us
Lady: "My name is Mapule Mokoena, I am im charge of the interns. Let me take
you on the office tour before you meet the partners." And we did. I have to say it
was really exciting. I wasn't a student anymore a few years away from being
Advocate Mthethwa. They showed us our cubicles, kitchen and restrooms. They
also took us to the building cafeteria, I got hungry that moment but I had to
behave and act professionally. We met the Sokhulu brothers who were the
partners, one of them being Delani. He was the one who handled Hlanga's rape
case.
Delani: "Thingo Mfeka." Hlanga and I needed to get married legally because
Mfeka didn't feel right anymore.
Me: "Mr Sokhulu, I'd really like to thank you for the opportunity."
Delani: "Mmm. I hope you not expecting special treatment just because you
pregnant."
Me: "Of course not. I am here to learn and do what's expected of me."
Delani: "Great. You'll work with me for today." He looked at Mapule "Is that
okay?"
Mapule: "No problem sir."
Delani: "Great. Let's get to work, we have court in 20 minutes." He threw me car
keys "You are driving. For today, just observe."
Me: "Okay." And I drove us to court.
Delani: "How's your husband?" Wow! Maybe working for Hlanga's lawyer was a
bad idea. "Is he behaving?" That question just made me emotional, having an
almost dead husband wasn't a conversation to be had with your boss. I was
already the pregnant intern, I couldn't be the pregnant intern will a comatose
husband
Me: "He's behaving. Thank you so much for handling his case." I had to change
the subject.
Delani: "That's what I do. We are really happy to have you in our team Miss
Mfeka." I nodded. I parked the car and we went to court. Delani was a shark in
the courtroom, best black defense attorney.
Me: "And just like that, the case is dismissed?"
Delani: "There are two kinds of lawyers, the one who knows the law and the one
who knows the judge." Wow! "So decide which one you'll be."
Me: "Okay." We drove back to work and I went to the cafeteria bought food and
drove to the hospital. "Hey!"
Nqobani: "Look at you. Ma says you started work today, how's it going?"
Me: "I don't know, I am comfortable but my thoughts get stolen by him." I looked
at my husband.
Nqobani: "I managed to get a cardiologist from Germany and he's willing to see
him at our say so."
Me: "Get him here Nqobani. The sooner the better."
Nqobani: "Okay. Are you sure you guys are okay?"
Me: "We are fine, just heartburn and this little person is so active woooh." He
laughed "He's missing out on so much and he had been waiting for a chance to be
a father."
Nqobani: "I know. I can already picture him fussing and obsessing over the baby.
Hlanga is Hlanga." We laughed
Me: "That is so like him." We really missed him, you could tell. "I have to go back
now. I'll him after work." I kissed his forehead.
Nqobani: "Okay."
Me: "Its probably nothing but I think I am being followed hay." He popped his
eyes "Its paranoia neh? My husbands got shot so please understand." He
chuckled
Nqobani: "I'll look into it." I nodded and went to find the nurse.
Me: "Nurse please throw away those flowers, they are dead and I'll come back
with ones later."
Nurse: "Okay." I left. Work was work. I was actually tired more than eager, maybe
ma was right I needed to take it easy.
======
Me: "Gugulethu what happened to your neck?" It was bruised
Hlelo: "Playing with Sbonga sometimes is a bad idea." She sighed "So how was
your first week, are you coping?"
Me: "I'd be more at ease if I didn't have to worry about my husband but I am
handling work. It helps me from stressing actually."
Hlelo: "When is the doctor getting here?"
Me: "Tomorrow evening. I hope he helps him."
Hlelo: "Me too." I was hopeful. We carried on talking and catching up on things.
Me: "So Emma emailed me a wedding invitation."
Hlelo: "Mmm. She's so stressed out and there's so much I can do for her."
Me: "Woooh planning for a function is a lot of work, I know it."
Hlelo: "Bow Emma is tying the knot soon and wena you had already tied it when
we met. I feel like I am cursed, my relationships never workout to the point of
talking marriage." She sounded sad
Me: "Marriage is not everything Hlehle. Look for a friend in man those are the
type of relationships that last. Hlangalezwe is my best friend and my cheerleader.
Just be patient with yourself, the right guy will find you."
Hlelo: "Okay." She stood up "Do you want ice cream?"
Me: "yes please!" And she went to the kitchen, she left for too long I ended up
dosing off on the couch.
=====
Me: "What? Okay I am on my way." I took the first dress I could find and went to
find ma "Ma! Ma!"
Ma: "Yini Siphosethu?"
Me: "The hospital just called me, let's go."
Ma: "Ohhh nkos!!! What did they say?" She panicked
Me: "Nothing much, they just said I should hurry to the hospital because there's
an emergency." We were fast pacing to the car. I drove like a mad man
Ma: "Careful Siphosethu." She didn't understand how anxious I was. We got to
the hospital and we sorta ran to Hlanga's room. I hope the emergency wasn't bad
because the doctor was on his way. We got to his room. I couldn't believe my
eyes
Hlanga: "Thingo lwam." His voice was husky. I just cried. He was sitting on his bed,
no machines hooked on him. Was I dreaming?
Me: "Nyambose wam." I ran to him
Ma: "You scared us Hlangalezwe." She also hugged him "I am calling your father."
Ma left the room. He looked at me and my tummy
Hlanga: "Is it mine?" He was smiling. I nodded, I was still emotional "Of course its
mine." I couldn't believe it. I touched his face and even kissed his lips just to feel if
it was him. "Its me Thingo lwam."
Me: "..." I had no words. I was just so, I don't know
Hlanga: "Say something mamasekhaya."
Me: "Marry me." He smiled "I want to make you my husband officially
Hlangalezwe. Baby you almost died and I was a mess without you. I don't want to
waste time anymore Hlangalezwe, I want to spend the rest of my life making you
happy because when you are happy, I am happy. Please say yes baby."
Hlanga: "Yes I'll marry you Thingo lwam." I hugged him tightly
Me: "I missed you so much." I was still hugging "Never do that to me again
Hlangalezwe."
Hlanga: "I promise. Ngyakthanda Thingo lwam." He brushed my tummy "Thank
you." He kept on brushing it and my baby did what he does best. Causing his
father to laugh "Wow!" He was touched.
Me: "I was so scared that you'll miss the entire experience of our first pregnancy."
Hlanga: "I'll make up for it. I am never leaving your sight from now on." My
obsessive husband was back
Me: "Id really love that." I laughed. "I am really happy and relieved that you back."
He kissed me.
Hlanga: "I'll be happy when I leave this place." While we were talking Ma and
Mpilo came in and they spoke. He was back, my husband and life-line was back.
Him and Mpilo were back to dissing each other. Ma and I were smiling like crazy, I
think she was relieved like I was. Hlanga was that member of the family whose
absence was felt. Hope and peace was restored in the Mthethwa household and
we deserved it, the past months were hell. The love I had for him kept me going
and it helped me not to lose hope.

»52«
HLANGA
Chance: "Mazwi" that fucker won't rest, its been over 10 years for fucks sakes.
Me: "So what's the plan, what are we doing to get him?"
Nqobani: "We are working on a plan on working with his enemy in jail."
Me: "Smart. Hold off until I get out of here."
Nathan: "We got things handled."
Me: "I've been out for four months Pierce and you just got your lead judging by
the fact that he's still breathing." I had the expectations of them dealing with the
mess the minute it happened.
Chance: "People don't want to talk Hlanga, you do not know how hard it was
getting here."
Nqobani: "The bounty is still on Hlangalezwe, so things are still bad."
Me: "Let's deal with Mazwi and the sooner the better."
Thingo: "I didn't know you'll have visitors." I also didn't expect her back so soon.
Me: "They were just leaving." Obviously we couldn't carry on with the
conversation
Thingo: "Oh forget the thing about being followed, I was really paranoid." He was
talking to Nqobani
Nqobani: "Mmm." He brushed his head
Me: "Buy me a phone Nqobani."
Nqobani: "Sure." They greeted Thingo and left.
Thingo: "The doctor is keeping you here for another week. He wants to do some
tests."
Me: "No he just wants us to keep paying his hefty charges. I am not consenting to
that." I wasn't 100% but I felt okay.
Thingo: "Hlangalezwe your lungs are still weak. Now is not the time to be
stubborn, please let them do the tests. I bought this." She took out drinking
yoghurt and magewu from a plastic bag "Ma says it will help with energy."
Me: "Baby ngfuna ipapa nenyama mina(I want pap and meat). Yoghurt is for the
person you are carrying." She was so pregnant and I was responsible for that, I
found satisfaction in that.
Thingo: "Right now he wants spicy chicken curry and pap and stoney." I laughed
"My cravings are weird."
Me: "They're, I feel so stupid for missing the symptoms. The outbursts and weird
cravings." She kissed me. She was still so scared, my almost death traumatized
her. "I'll be out of here by the time we go for your monthly check up."
Thingo: "It's tomorrow Hlangalezwe and the doctor isn't satisfied with your lung
function."
Hlanga: "I have already missed so much Siphosethu and I did say I am not missing
a second more." I was discharging myself if need be.
Thingo: "My lunch time is over, I'll see you after work."
Me: "Are you sure about this? I mean you'll be on maternity leave soon anyway,
why not start next year."
Thingo: "I am sure. I am loving my job Hlanga and so what if I'll go on maternity?"
She was really determined and my parents weren't happy and I wasn't either. My
wife was too much of an over-achiever. "Please don't talk me out of this. I need
you to cheer me on."
Me: "I am not talking you out of it and I am also not cheering you on." She
popped her eyes. She was so big, she even gained weight on her face but she was
still my beautiful wife.
Thingo: "Mxm. I am leaving." She kissed me again "And I love you so much."
Me: "Ngyakthanda nam." We looked at each other "There's going to be three of
us now."
Thingo: "I know and I don't think I'll make a good mother Hlangalezwe, I am
scared."
Me: "You'll be a great mother Thingo lwam and I'll be here every step of the way."
She was capable, I don't why she was doubting herself so much
Thingo: "You just saying that because you love me. Bye now." She took her
handbag and left and I went to the bathroom. The nurse came to help me with my
bath and I gave her a mean look. This is why I hated hospitals, these people have
been doing as they please with my body for 4 months, I didn't want to stay a
second more. I asked to call my brother
Lonhle: "Yini?"
Me: "I need clothes to get out of here."
Lonhle: "The doctor said..."
Me: "Fuck what the doctor said Lonhle. The nurse just offered to wash me, what
the fuck!" He laughed
Lonhle: "Okay I'll come through in an hour."
Me: "Sure." We hung up and the doctor came in to check up on me. He was
worried about post surgery crap, I didn't care about that. I missed four months of
my life and I needed to make up for it "I am discharging myself doc. You can go
back to Cape Town now. Thank for everything you've done, I am healed now and
I'd like to get back to my life."
Dr: "Mr Mthethwa I'd advise against."
Me: "Please, no advice." He nodded and filled in my chart. My brother came with
a whole outfit for me and I signed my discharged papers and we left. I know my
mother and Thingo were going to skin me alive but I didn't need to be out of
there. I did commit to weekly check ups.
=======
Thingo: "No! No! I don't want to know Nyambose."
Me: "I do Thingo lwam. I'd like to be prepared when the baby gets here."
Dr: "Okay I'll just tell the father how about that?"
Thingo: "Baby makes sure it does not slip your mouth. I want to be surprised on
my delivery day."
Me: "I am good at keeping secrets Thingo lwam." I mean I had been keeping my
double life for 5 years.
Dr: "Okay then. Everything seems well, heartbeat strong and I am satisfied with
the growth. I'll see you next month then."
Us: "Thank you."
Dr: "And here is the baby's gender. Read it and give it back." She handed me a
note and I read it.
Me: "Wow!" I couldn't be happier. I was going to be the best father in the world.
"Thanks doc."
Thingo: "I love the smile on your face." She was smiling too
Me: "I love you mamasekhaya and thank you for this blessing." It was a blessing
and it came at the right time.
Thingo: "I love you too Mthethwa." We kissed and I didn't care if we were in
public "A lot needs to change when the baby gets here."
Me: "I agree, starting with me building you guys a fortress." I needed to make
sure they are safe.
Thingo: "Those are material things Hlanga. I mean our choices, we are about to be
parents now. I want us to be the best ones, like ma and baba. The Gumedes."
Me: "Okay, I support that sentiment." She drove us to have lunch "Baby before
this whole thing you wanted to meet your father and before we move forward
with the wedding we have to deal with that."
Thingo: "I don't care anymore Hlangalezwe. The guy didn't even look for me, not
even once. I don't need him, I have you and the baby, you're my family."
Me: "For as long as I have known you, you've always wanted to meet your father
Siphosethu. The Gumedes even helped you down that path, why are you stopping
now?"
Thingo: "Baby when you were unconscious, my world stopped. I couldn't function
properly because you are all that matters to me at the end of the day. Me
meeting the man won't change that."
Me: "Baby I know me being shot scared you. It was traumatic, I get it but I am
back now and nothing is going to happen to me. You had questions for your
father and only he can answer them, I'll be there to hold your hand throughout
everything."
Thingo: "I am scared Hlangalezwe."
Me: "I know baby, its a big and scary step but you're not alone."
Thingo: "Okay. We need to sit everyone down and set a date."
Me: "Okay." We carried on eating and later went shopping for the both of us and
we went back home. After home I drove to the warehouse
Me: "How did it go."
JB: "Mazwi is dead. The guy came through but he said is dying words were "This is
only the beginning" and he didn't get anything else from him because he died
straight after."
Nqobani: "What's important for now is the bounty died with him."
Me: "Why am I not happy?"
Chance: "Because its only the beginning."
Nathan: "Is it possible that Mazwi was just the tip of the iceberg?"
Me: "It's possible but who is backing him?"
Sizwe: "This is not good, its bad for business. The guys are a little panicked."
Me: "We'll deal with this tell them not to worry."
Nathan: "I think its time we bought in the big guns. We are dealing with the
unknown here and I have to say I am over depth here."
Chance: "Me too."
Me: "The 5 men?" They nodded "Cool"
Nqobani: "We have a Ndumiso problem we haven't address."
Nathan: "I went to his place 2 days ago and he wasn't around and his phone is off.
If you have a new plan, hit me."
Me: "Am I missing something?"
Sizwe: "Ndumiso relapsed." WTF!!! "And it doesn't look good this time because
Omuhle is not in the picture."
Me: "Here's what's going to happen now, first find him. Whatever rock he is
under make sure he's found. Secondly talk to Omuhle so that we all sit him down
and ask him what's his problem."
Nqobani: "I'll talk to Omuhle when I see her later today, we have physio."
Nathan: "Sizwe and I will start looking."
Nqobani: "Start at the strip club Sizwe and maybe talk to the madam." We all
looked at him "What? He's a single man and in pain clearly and that's were you
find our type."
Sizwe: "Got it." They left and I looked at Nqobani. He had been avoiding me, all
we talk about is business now.
Me: "Please drive me back home, I am not feeling well." I was totally fine but we
needed to talk.
Nqobani: "Sure." We got up and left
Me: "So strip clubs and madams?"
Nqobani: "Yeah man. Not all of us are lucky in the love department."
Me: "You won't be if you're focused in strip clubs and madams. I get it you were
trying to deal with Mimi and Njabulo's death but Bhungane, we are not young
anymore." We were fast approaching 40 years "And we need to deal differently
than back in the day. Stop making excuses for our bad behavior."
Nqobani: "What happened to you in that death bed?" We laughed
Me: "Growth I guess. I mean I am not even sure about the game now." He looked
at me "I have a lot to lose Nqobani, I get that now."
Nqobani: "Getting out is not easy. We are in too deep."
Me: "Trust I am aware of all of that. I was just saying that I have a lot to lose." He
nodded "I want you to know you are not to blame for any of this because I know
deep down you are beating yourself up. Someone is out for our blood Nqobani,
he's to blame and I suggest you focus on him."
Nqobani: "You almost died Hlangalezwe."
Me: "But I didn't, I am back and we'll take all these scumbags down, one by one."
Nqobani: "Okay. I am really glad you back."
Me: "I am sure you are. And I came back to a big and pregnant wife." I was the
happiest man in the world right now
Nqobani: "Enjoy it my guy. Aint no hood like fatherhood. So do you guys know
what you are having?"
Me: "I do, but Thingo wants it to be a surprise."
Nqobani: "And?"
Me: "Nqobani no babbling to my wife. She wants the surprise."
Nqobani: "Hay you talking to me here, I could have sold you out and told her you
a gangster." We laughed
Me: "Its a girl."
Nqobani: "What?"
Me: "I know. I am so happy"
Nqobani: "Happy for you man. So when you telling Thingo?"
Me: "After we deal with her father's drama. She's also pregnant and I just don't
want to stress her out so we'll see."
Nqobani: "Excuses!"
Me: "Come on."
Nqobani: "Get out of my car Hlangalezwe and call me when you find your balls."
What? I laughed "I have physiotherapy."
Me: "Sure. Is it helping?"
Nqobani: "Yeah, I am driving now which is good."
Me: "We cool right?"
Nqobani: "100% thanks for the brotherhood."
Me: "Sure."
Nqobani: "We need to talk. You, me and Mpilonhle."
Me: "I thought you said we cool."
Nqobani: "We are. Greet Thingo and the parents for me, I really have to go now."
He dropped me off and left me hanging. There was a lot going on with Nqobani
and I was really worried. Being shot woke up something in me, I wanted to make
the best of the time I had with the people closest to me. They're what mattered
at the end of the day.

»52«
CONTINUED
NDUMISO
A lot was in my head, all I wanted to do was shut it down. I thought me divorcing
Omuhle would make me happy and I'll finally have peace but the state I was in, it
is the opposite of peace, nothing I had envisioned. I sniffed two lines of the
cocaine I had laid out and I went to take shower.
Me: "Lebo you need to leave." She was a girl I had been partying with since my
divorce had been finalized "I have to go pick up my boys now."
Lebo: "Okay. Do you still have some coke?" I nodded and pointed at the
headboard and she went to sniff and started dressing up "I am going to need
some cash if you don't mind."
Me: "I need to go to the bank, I'll sort you out later." We blew everything up in
bank account. From her Overseas trips and her endless shopping. It was really fun
at the moment it was happening and I was always high most of the time. But the
moment I got my senses back I felt like shit and that feeling was too much, I had
to numb my pain somehow.
Lebo: "Okay. I'll wait for you." We kissed "Love you."
Me: "Okay." She took her handbag and left. I looked at the state of my apartment,
it was a mess. I couldn't bring the boys to that mess so I started cleaning up. I
have been so absent the past months and it was time I got my shit together. After
cleaning up I drove to the bank and later to fetch the boys.
Omuhle: "Hey. Lakhe took them to bounce with Sbonga, they should be back
though." She looked beautiful no actually she was glowing.
Me: "Okay." While we standing awkwardly by the door Lebo called, she was
starting to annoy me "I said I'll sort you out!" I hung up
Omuhle: "Do you want to come in. I baked cookies."
Me: "Okay."
Omuhle: "Mthombeni the boys can stay with me until you have sorted things
out."
Me: "Look! I am sorry about the state you found me in last time and thank you for
everything you've been doing."
Omuhle: "I am worried about you Ndumiso."
Me: "I said I am fine!" I snapped and it scared her little
Omuhle: "I am relocating to Joburg and in the process of buying a house, I just
thought you should know since we are coparents." She gave me cookies and milk.
Me: "Okay." She started telling about the boys' school and their homework. I
zoned out "Please call Lakhe and tell him to hurry!"
Omuhle: "Okay." And she did. After what felt like forever they came back and I
took the boys and we left
Me: "So how have you boys been, I missed you."
Mpendulo: "It didn't look like it. Dad you forgot about schools opening."
Me: "Guys I am really sorry about that."
Jnr: "Dad you promised that things wont change after the divorce." Why were
doing this to me?
Me: "Jnr I said I am sorry!" I snapped "Now let this go, I am back now!" I drove us
to the shopping center and we bought groceries and whatever they wanted but
they were not happy. We went back home and they both went to their rooms. I
wasn't going to beg them, I was the adult in the situation. I went to find my stash
of coke and beer and I started sniffing and drinking. I called Lebo over and she
was available. We drank and smoked.
Mpendulo: "Dad I am hungry."
Me: "Shit! Just order in Mpendulo."
Lebo: "I can't believe you have kids and they're so grown."
Me: "I told you."
Lebo: "I really feel like painting the town red and being wild."
Me: "I can't, the boys are with me."
Lebo: "Argh you such a bore. Look call me when you free." She sniffed a line
Me: "Don't go, I am sure the boys we'll be fine for a few hours."
Lebo: "Are you sure?"
Me: "Let's make sure they ate and we good to go." And indeed their pizza came
and they ate "Boys go to bed and don't open up for anyone until I come back,
okay?"
Them: "Okay." I changed my outfit and we left.
Lebo: "My girls are already at the club, the tab is on you right?"
Me: "Sure." We got to the club and it was crazy, just wanted I needed to shut
down my thoughts. Lebo and her friends were a crazy bunch and they knew how
to party.
Thato: "How about we get out of here and have our own party?" She said
seductively
Me: "I am with Lebo for the night."
Lebo: "3 sum." WTF!!! She was also being seductive. A dream come true! We can
tick that off my bucket list.
Me: "Sure ladies." And I drove us home and things heated up very quickly. "DAMN
IT!!!" It was insane, I don't even know how to describe that situation. The
moaning and grunting, I am 100% sure the boys could hear us. We had too much
energy from the drugs and we were at it until the sun started coming up and we
crashed eventually
Thato: "Wow, that was amazing."
Lebo: "We should totally do it again."
Me: "Let's get some sleep." I was exhausted.
======
WTF was Nathan doing at my doorstep, they sent me away and frankly I didn't
need that job. I ignored his knock and Lebo and I carried on fucking, she was a
great distraction and always available.
Lebo: "I need alcohol."
Me: "Let's go get some." And we went to the closest bottle store and we went
crazy. We went back home and drank and she invited her unemployed friends
since it was during the week and it was midday. Out of nowhere it turned into a
party
Thato: "Wanna go again?" She was offering weed and I took it. That life was easy
than being perfect all the time. Being a perfect big brother, husband or father. I
was free from all responsibility, I was just Ndu. Later in the day I woke up naked
next to Thato and Lebo.
Me: "Shit!" I quickly got dressed and I drove to fetch the boys from school. I was
already 2 hours late and I had 100 missed calls from them.
Principal: "I am sorry Mr Duma, I don't think its safe for you to drive with the
children." She was looking at me with judging eyes "Not only were you late. You
are drunk, I have to think of the safety of my students. I am calling social
workers."
Me: "Don't you dare! I am here aren't I?" As I was about to chop her head of
Omuhle came
Principal: "Mr Duma you didn't specify a next of kin. So I can't, you'll have to deal
with social workers." No, no I couldn't lose my boys
Omuhle: "I am his ex-wife. The boys have been living with me whenever Mr Duma
was working out of town. I raised them"
Principal: "I believe you mam but there is no paper work to prove that. Like I said
Mr Duma didn't specify a next of kin which mean he's the only person who can
take the boys." Omuhle was busy pleading with the woman and I was on stand
still. I needed a line of cocaine that moment. "Again I am sorry, this is the matter
of the social workers now." And indeed a social worker took my boys right in front
of me, they even came with the police who made me take a breathalyzer test and
it was off the charts. Blood tests and urine tests.
Omuhle: "Ndumiso they're taking them. What did you do?" She was crying "Can
we at least say goodbye?"
S.W: "Sure. From now on, I am handling your case. Mr Duma you have to prove to
me that you are a fit father and then you'll get your boys back."
Me: "I am a fit father, it was just once."
S.W: "Once is a lot Mr Duma. You fetched them late and you showed up drunk
and high, not only did you risk your life but theirs too." She looked at Omuhle
"Make him see reason."
Omuhle: "Boys this is temporary okay. Dad and I will bring your stuff wherever
this nice lady takes you. I promise to see you everyday." She was crying so much
Me: "I am really sorry." I hugged them "I will fix this."
Jnr: "I don't want to go dad."
Me: "I know. I will fix this, I promise."
S.W: "We have to go now, I'll be in touch." He took them and left. Omuhle was
crying so hysterically and it broke my heart
Omuhle: "Its all my fault. You were right, all of this is on me." It really wasn't. I got
myself into this mess.
Me: "Its all on me Omuhle."
Omuhle: "Everything that has happened Ndumiso its because of me. How I failed
you, I should have told you that I am pregnant and we made the decision
together. I should have been a present wife. I failed you Ndumiso and I don't think
I'll ever forgive myself for taking you for granted."
Me: "I know I have been horrible to you, you didn't deserve that. I don't blame
you Omuhle for any of the choices you made especially for choosing to abort. I
wasn't a good boyfriend back then, I was unreliable and reckless and that was
every reason for you to doubt me as a potential father. I blame myself for failing
you, even now. I was so clouded by anger at myself and I just wanted someone
else to blame." It was the truth, Omuhle did the best she could in that situation.
Who's to say I would've gotten my act together when she told me the news?
Omuhle: "We need to fight to get them back Ndumiso."
Me: "Omuhle I am tired. Tired of everything, maybe this is for the best." I was
exhausted to be honest and I was drowning in pain. Let's be honest Omuhle has
been the better parent for a while now.
Omuhle: "You can't say that Ndumiso. Make me their legal guardian then please."
She was even pleading with me, another epic fail on my part. Why didn't I put her
as next of kin, we were coparents even though they weren't hers. She really did
love them and I did too, but I was emotionally exhausted.
Me: "Okay. I'll handle it. Omuhle I love those boys, I am just so tired." She had to
understand that. I didn't have any fight in me. She hugged me
Omuhle: "I know I was a bad wife and nothing can erase that but let me be a good
friend to you and help you through this." She held my hand. I needed the help, I
couldn't beat the addiction alone I knew that. Maybe I needed her, she may have
been an absent wife but there was order in my life during that time.
Me: "I'll talk to you about the guardianship." I left her standing there all confused.
I walked away with regrets. That day I realized that I had hit rock bottom and the
only way was up but I wasn't ready to. In order to get my family back, I needed to
admit a lot of things about myself. Maybe Omuhle had a hand in my current state
but the rest of it came way before her. I had never dealt with a lot of things. From
my mother having multiple men, my sisters and I had different fathers and also
her alcohol abuse, to me being a parent of 3 at 17 years old. It wasn't easy that's
for sure. My upbringing wasn't the best, hence I never talk about it. I needed to
let go, it wasn't helping me be a better person but instead it was helping me dig
my own grave.
=====
Dr: "Sir you have chlamydia."
Me: "huh?"
Dr: "A common, sexually transmitted infection. Your symptoms are related to
chlamydia." Like my life wasn't hard enough, then you add an STI in the mix.
Me: "Is it treatable?"
Dr: "Sure with antibiotics." He started scribbling in his note book "Condoms are
there for such reasons Mr Duma."
Me: "I don't need a lecture right now."
Dr: "Here's your prescription. If anything you not sure about come see me again."
Me: "Sure." I left. Life is hard that's all I could say and it doesn't get any easier as
you grow. I went to the closest strip club just to clear my thoughts. Like I said, I
had hit rock bottom even the sti was proof and the only way was up. The question
now was up were, I mean I had been avoiding the gang and basically everyone
who felt the need to give me advice. I honestly didn't have a plan but one thing I
knew was, I was down but I wasn't out.
NARRATED
Things were looking up for Melisizwe James especially since the lawyers had hold
off on auctioning his grandfather's estate because of new evidence. He hasn't
rested since he saw Hlelo and that cute little boy at the mall.
Pru: "Baby I am coming with you. I also want to hear what the PI says."
Meli: "Khawulezisa(hurry) Prudence."
Pru: "I just need to wear my shoes." She ran upstairs
M.mom: "I am hopeful that this will be good news. Finally we'll have an heir this
family." She was really happy "Usebenzile nyana wam(Well done)."
Meli: "I know, I can't wait to meet him." He was also smiling "Mama ndaske
umbone(if you could see him), he looks exactly like me, he's really my son."
M.mom: "I have no doubt that he's your son too" Prudence came back and they
left.
Pru: "Meli if we find your son, I hope it doesn't change anything for us. I am still
your wife, the one that stayed when you were hung and dry."
Meli: "Hayi Prudence, intoni ngoku?"
Pru: "Melisizwe you cheated on me with the mother of your son, heaven only
knows how many times you've cheated on me." Melisizwe guilt was proved by his
accelerated heartbeat.
Meli: "I love you, only you Pru."
Pru: "I love only you too." They got to the meeting place with the PI
PI: "I managed to track her in Johannesburg but the specifics aren't clear. I mean
this girl is doing everything not to be found, she deactivated her social media
accounts and changed phone numbers."
Me: "So are you certain about Johannesburg?"
PI: "Positive. If you need me to dig deeper you'll have to pay up."
Me: "Keep digging. We are running out of time Max. I need to find them."
PI: "Okay then. I am driving down to Johannesburg tomorrow."
Me: "Keep me posted."
PI: "I will." They shook hands and he left
Pru: "We getting closer. Baby if you don't mind me asking, why is she working so
hard on not being found, it doesn't make any sense."
Meli: "I do mind actually. And how am I supposed to know?" He snapped
Pru: "I am just saying there's more to this Meli."
Meli: "Let's go home Prudence." Melisizwe knew what was waiting for him on the
other side. He played with a naive girl's heart and got away with it. Now that he
needed her and his son, he was even willing to do anything. He needed this, he
was really desperate.

»53«
NQOBANI
I have called, texted and even stalked her. Yeah the remote I gave her has a
tracker. My point here is she still didn't want to hear me out and I was losing my
mind. I needed to fix things as soon as possible.
Zoe: "I am ready to go." Please don't judge me, no actually I didn't do anything
wrong. Hlelo and I are not a couple.
Me: "Okay." I got dressed since I had just finished taking a shower and I drove her
to work.
Zoe: "Last night was amazing." It always is with her. It was just meaningless sex
for me and to be honest I hated the empty feeling afterwards. I don't know why I
kept doing that to myself. "Thanks for the ride."
Me: "Sure." She wanted to say more and I wasn't about to let her "Bye now and
take care of yourself."
Zoe: "Clive I think we should stop ignoring what's between us." And she said it!
Me: "I am not sure I follow." I didn't like where this conversation was going.
Zoe: "Wow! I mean you and me. We like each other, right? Why don't we just go
for it and see where this goes." Wow, okay! I honestly did want her like that. If I
were to try a relationship again, Hlelo would be my first choice even though
things were kinda messy with us, she was worth it. I admit that now and I was
saved by my ringing phone because I was finding a way to leave that
uncomfortable situation.
Me: "I am sorry I have to take this, its very important." She was disappointed, I
answered my phone and drove away. It was Thingo calling "Thingo lwethu." She
giggled. She was such a kind soul
Thingo: "Hey 2nd husband. Are you good?"
Me: "I've been better. What's up?"
Thingo: "I am throwing Hlangalezwe a welcome back home party and I need you
to distract him for a few hours." Lucky guy.
Me: "Okay. when, today?"
Thingo: "Yes. Now actually."
Me: "Okay. Is it a family thing or friends and family?" I just wanted to know if
Hlelo was coming.
Thingo: "Family and friends."
Me: "Okay, I am on my way."
Thingo: "Sharp." Shit! How was it going to work out with Mpilonhle in the same
room? Was it a good idea to go? I drove to their house anyway. It was Saturday
and I always had an appointment on Saturdays "Bo Nyambose, Dingiswayo!!" We
shook hands with Hlanga's father and his mother hugged me.
Ma: "How are you doing, is everything okay?" This woman though, believe it or
not she calls regularly to checked up on me. She's my mother in a way.
Me: "All is well ma."
Baba: "That's good." I sat down on the couch.
Hlanga: "What brings you here, is everything okay?"
Me: "Since when do I need permission to come home?"
Thingo: "Good question, Hlanga what have they been giving you at the hospital?"
We laughed
Hlanga: "Mxm." We were still laughing at him. Thingo started coughing and
showing me signals, that was my que
Me: "Let's go for a drive."
Hlanga: "Maybe later. I am spending time with my family."
Ma: "Hamba bo(go)!!" He was confused
Thingo: "We are fine plus you need fresh air." They really wanted him gone.
Hlanga: "No I dont." Nothing is easy when it comes to Hlangalezwe Mthethwa.
Me: "It won't take long."
Hlanga: "Okay." He kissed his wife and her baby bump. What did I say about him
being obsessed? "I'll see you guys soon, okay."
Thingo: "Okay." He followed me to the car and we left.
Hlanga: "So what's up?"
Me: "I need to go the florist first."
Hlanga: "What?"
Me: "Mmm. Wait here." I went to the florist and I had a pick up waiting for me
Florist: "Fresh lilies for Mr Mthimkhulu." I nodded and she handed them to me.
Me: "Thank you." I left and drove away
Hlanga: "Why didn't you say anything?" He looked at me
Me: "I don't know, are you coming or you staying in the car?"
Hlanga: "I am coming." We got out the car and we went to find Mimi and
Njabulo's tombstones. I took the old flowers and replaced them with new ones.
And I stood there just looking at them. I missed them and my heart broke
everytime I was there.
Me: "The guilt never goes away." I didn't do enough to protect them and I'll
forever carry that with me. "I am so sorry." It was my fault that they were gone.
"You know I read somewhere that lilies symbolize that the soul of the departed
has received restored innocence after death." I looked at Hlanga
Hlanga: "I didn't know that."
Me: "I hope its true because it will give me some kind of peace to know that
they're at peace in the after life." I really wanted it to be true.
Hlanga: "I am sure they're." I hoped so.
Me: "Okay, let's go." I drove us to Nathan's house, I was only passing time "We
have to talk about Ndu." The guy didn't want to be found. He was going through a
lot and I kinda felt the need to do something.
Hlanga: "You still can't locate him?"
Me: "Nothing and Sizwe had out of the country business to handle." I sighed and
the gate opened and I drove in.
Nathan: "And then?"
Me: "You know Ndumiso better than we do, where could he be?"
Nathan: "Sizwe is his person more than me."
Me: "Let's go for a drive."
Nathan: "Where are we going?"
Me: "The race track."
Hlanga: "Aah my man. I haven't been there in a while." He was suddenly excited.
Nathan: "How come you've never taken me there?"
Me: "Nathan our lives are busy and we have families to take care of."
Them: "True." We raced for a while, while having a conversation about sports and
what not.
Nathan: "I was thinking of paying Viper a friendly visit."
Me: "What?"
Hlanga: "Won't you be poking a sleeping bear?"
Nathan: "Maybe. If its him gunning for us, I'd like to know."
Me: "But the bounty was on Hlanga and Chance."
Nathan: "And they're linked to me. If it's him, he clearly has a plan. To take me
down, limb by limb." It was possible
Hlanga: "It will make perfect sense actually. Think about it, Mazwi has been in
prison for years, if he wanted revenge he would've acted years before."
Me: "Plus his last dying words "its only the beginning" we need to consider that."
Nathan: "Exactly. So before we call the old men let's handle Viper."
Hlanga: "I'll talk to Chance. And we really need to act fast on Ndu and get him
help if we need to."
Me: "I'll take care of it." While we were busy talking, I texted Hlanga's wife and
asked how long should I distract him?
Thingo: "All is set, just get him to Southern Sun hotel."
Me: "Okay."
Thingo: "I'll see you in a few I guess, remember its a surprise."
Me: "Okay." We hung up "Guys we need to get going."
Nathan: "Okay." We got into the car and left. We dropped Nathan off and I drove
towards Southern Sun hotel and he was busy on his phone to ask questions.
Hlanga: "I thought you were driving me home."
Me: "One last stop, I promise."
Hlanga: "Hurry Nqobani, I am hungry."
Me: "It won't take long, come with me."
Hlanga: "Really, you want me to hold your hand now? Hayi hayi!" I chuckled
Me: "You are impossible to deal with when you are hungry." I texted Thingo that I
was outside.
Hlanga: "Mxm! Let do this and be done." I went to the receptionist and asked
about his party and he pointed me to the right direction.
Me: "Okay, come this way."
Hlanga: "What are we doing here anyways?"
Me: "Wait and s..."
Everyone: "SURPRISE!!!!!"
Hlanga: "WTF!!!" He was smiling this whole time.
Thingo: "Language! Thank you for getting him here." We hugged "Come this side
Nyambose wam and grab a seat Bhungane." I did but my eye was searching for
Hlelo this whole time and there she was, how was it not a sin for a human being
to be that beautiful? The party started with speeches and music. It was well
planned, it looked good and my boy was really happy. Everything was going great,
the food was delicious and the drinks were going down nicely.
Me: "MaGumede." I even had the courage to follow her to the bathroom
Hlelo: "Nqobani."
Me: "We need to talk, not here obviously. Can we meet up tomorrow, name the
place and time I'll be there." She looked at me "I want to properly apologize,
please give me a chance Hlelo."
Hlelo: "Okay I'll text you the place and time." I hugged her and she didn't
reciprocate.
Me: "I'll see you tomorrow I guess."
Hlelo: "Okay." How long can a person stay mad? And she went back to the party.
Things were looking up for me though because she was willing to hear me out, I
had to have a tight story. I also went back to the party.
Hlanga: "How did you and Siphosethu come up with this?"
Me: "Hay it wasn't me, I got a call this morning asking me to distract you for a few
hours." He laughed
Hlanga: "I didn't see it coming hay." Me too "My almost death really scared her,
she proposed to me after I woke up and now this. She's adamant on appreciating
every moment with me."
Me: "Why does it sound like you are not happy? Hlangalezwe I don't think you
understand how lucky you are. Appreciate man!!"
Hlanga: "Trust me I get it and I do appreciate having her in my life. It's just that I
still have the little detail I haven't let her in on, I am basically lying to her."
Me: "And you will lose her because of the lies not because she doesn't love you." I
looked at him straight in the eye "Things are slowly falling apart Hlanga. Stop
making excuses and tell her." I don't think he understood how exposed we were
after the attack
Hlanga: "I will, I will." I doubted that. The party went on until people started
leaving one by one and I left as well. I avoided Mpilonhle the whole night, I felt
guilty somehow, I felt like I was betraying my own brother. When I got to my
place I kept asking myself was I ready to burn my bridges just to be with Hlelo?
What guarantee did I have that when I pursue her she won't die on me and leave
all alone since I'll be left without brothers.
======
Me: "Thank you for coming and cooking for me."
Hlelo: "You welcome." She gave me half a smile. She was really beautiful but her
kind heart was the reason I couldn't stay away.
Me: "So about the other night."
Hlelo: "The night you were a jerk?" Eish, I felt guilty "Look I am over it, I forgive
you. It won't happen again, I won't allow you to treat me like that again." I
wanted to say if the cost is losing you then it will never happen again.
Me: "I am really sorry MaGumede, you didn't deserve anything I threw at you that
night. You've been so good to me and things between us have been great and I
just had to fuck it up." She sighed and took my hands.
Hlelo: "Nqobani I think you need help." She took out a her diary and opened
some page "I did some research and came across a few psychiatrists who might
help you with your nightmares." I gave her blank stare
Me: "Hlelo are you saying I am crazy?"
Hlelo: "Of course not Nqobani. But we cant ignore the fact that you have a
problem."
Me: "Hlelo I am a qualified doctor I'd know if I needed help or a doctor for crazy
people. That night happened because a lot was going on in my life. Hlanga is back
now and I am fine." She stood up
Hlelo: "Have you thought about what would've happened to me had I not known
how to defend myself?" She looked at me waiting for an answer "Because I have."
She took her things and left but she left the diary. She left me all alone with my
thoughts and her delicious food. I had never actually thought about that night and
what would've happened had she been a helpless person? We all know the
answer to that. Did I really need help, have things gotten that far?
=====
Omuhle: "Your shoulder seems fine. Tell me how do you feel though?" We were
done with therapy. She was doing her tests, just to see how my shoulder was
doing.
Me: "My shoulder is fine. I feel no pain"
Omuhle: "Okay, my work here is done." She started packing her things.
Me: "Thank you. Text me your banking details and I'll send your payment."
Omuhle: "Okay. I'll also like you to go post a recommendation on my website and
feel free to refer me. I deal with sport injuries as well."
Me: "Of course." It was so obvious that Hlelo was adopted. They looked nothing
alike, she was dark, middle-height and skinny and my woman was light-skinned
with a model body. "I want us to talk about your husband."
Omuhle: "You mean ex-husband. How do you know Ndu? Oh jah you Nathan's
friend. What about him?" She sat down looking defeated. "I want to help him so
bad but he wont let me. You know the social workers took the kids and he's not
doing anything to get them back. I begged him to sign over guardianship to me
and he said he'll do it but never did anything." This was worse than I thought "I
can't even bring myself to tell him I am pregnant. Ndumiso needs to fight for
himself not anyone else. He needs to want to kick the addiction for himself." She
was letting everything out clearly "I can't help but feel like it's all my fault. I wasn't
supportive of him as his wife. I travelled a lot and put my work first, I took him for
granted whereas he had been keeping a lot in. He's always been the strong one
and I think the world kinda expected him to be and now he has crashed because a
lot of weight has been put on his shoulders."
Me: "I have been trying to find him, what can you tell me about places he
frequented in Durban?" The thought of him being out of town came to me.
Omuhle: "He's probably at his apartment with a blackout. That's all he does now
get high with that Lebo girl." She rolled her eyes. What? So he's been ignoring us
this whole time? "For some fucked up reason I still love him and I hope that when
the dark cloud passes we'll find ourselves back in each others arms especially for
our kids." She was crying now. I didn't know what to do, that situation was so
uncomfortable for me.
Me: "I am really sorry."
Omuhle: "Omw! I have said too much, do you need help with anything? Talk to
him maybe he'll listen to you." She wiped her tears.
Me: "The guys and I just wanted to talk to him and maybe get him help."
Omuhle: "You want to hold an intervention for him?" I nodded "Okay. Text me
the when and where, I'll be there."
Me: "Okay."
Omuhle: "I have to go now. Please fix things with Hlehle she's so miserable, its
annoying." WTF!
Me: "I tried."
Omuhle: "Try harder, she's worth it and you two are good together. Bye now."
She left. I didn't know if reaching out to Hlelo was a good idea, I have to admit
what she said that day, well she wasn't wrong. I am finding it really hard to accept
that. I took my car keys and drove to Midrand, I parked outside where Zoe works.
Me: "What The Fuck are you doing here Nqobani?" Yup I was talking to myself
now. Being there was a bad idea, I knew that. So I drove back home and drank
myself to sleep before I did something I was most probably going to regret the
next morning.
=====
Sbonga: "Papa!!!" He was so happy to see me. He came over to hug me.
Hlelo: "This is getting old now." Yes I was waiting for her at Sbonga's school
Me: "Hey buddy. Ready for school?"
Sbonga: "Yes!!" He jumped "Walk with me to class."
Hlelo: "Magic word Sbongakonke!"
Sbonga: "Please Papa!"
Me: "Of course." I took his hand while his mother held his backpack "You look
beautiful as always."
Hlelo: "Thank you."
Sbonga: "Teacher! Teacher!! Here's Papa!"
Hlelo: "Nkos yam le ngane( my God this child)!!" She was defeated and I on the
other hand was jumping for joy. Sbonga just made me happy, his energy was so
addictive.
Teacher: "Miss Gumede, Sir."
Hlelo: "Miss Jones."
Me: "Hello."
Hlelo: "Bye My King." They hugged
Sbonga: "Bye MaMnguni. Bye Papa." He hugged me as well.
Me: "Bye buddy."
Sbonga: "You fetching me from school right?" He was looking at me.
Me: "Of course. I'll see you later." He jumped in excitement and ran to his friends.
Teacher: "I never received Sbonga's payment and his form for him and his father
for games' day." I looked at Hlelo who was slowly turning red on the face.
Hlelo: "He's not coming, we are going away this weekend."
Teacher: "Its unfortunate. Miss Gumede we really encourage participation from
both learners and parents in our events."
Hlelo: "I am aware. Bye now." She scurried off clearly upset.
Me: "Baby! Hlelo wait." She stood outside her car with her back towards me. I
think she was crying judging by her moving shoulders "Baby." I slowly turned her
around "What's wrong?" I wiped her tears. She was so red or pink, I wasn't sure.
Hlelo: "I asked my brothers to take Sbonga to that stupid games' day thing and
they just dismissed me. I get that they're busy with their lives but I am desperate,
I can't necessarily go you know its a father and son thing. It was just a bad
morning for me because I realized that I am all Sbonga has."
Me: "I'll take him to that stupid games' day."
Hlelo: "Are you sure, I was planning on taking him to the zoo instead."
Me: "I am 100% sure. Whether you choose to acknowledge it or not I am papa
and he is my buddy. I want to do this for him." She smiled.
Hlelo: "Thank you so much. He'll be really happy."
Me: "He's a child that's all he needs to feel." She nodded "MaGumede the reason
why I wanted us to talk was because I wanted to tell you that you are probably
right, I might have a problem and I might need help." I was a proud man,
admitting to that tasted like vinegar in my mouth.
Hlelo: "So are you going to get help?"
Me: "I just need time to fully accept and prepare myself for what's ahead." She
kept on nodding "I am also planning on telling Hlanga and Lonhle about us."
Hlelo: "Us?" She was shocked.
Me: "I need you in my life MaGumede. I have been cracking myself up trying to
find a reason or reasons is to why I can't stay away from you and I just come
empty. I have no reason I just want and need you in my life." She was good for me
and now I needed to get my shit together and be the man she deserved.
Hlelo: "..." She was just staring at me, maybe he was reading my facial expression,
I don't know.
Me: "We make each other happy and I think we've denied our feelings long
enough. I am ready to risk years of friendship and brotherhood for you
Hlelolwenkosi. So are you in it with me."
Hlelo: "I am so turned on right now!" Wow! She giggled "I have been waiting a
long time for you to say that but I can't help but feel bad for the friendship and
brotherhood you are about to lose. Is this worth it?"
Me: "I am taking the chance and a big part of me believes you are worth it."
Hlelo: "Nqobani I am scared."
Me: "Not more than me. We can be scared together, we in this together. Right?" I
needed her assurance
Hlelo: "We in this together." She opened her arms and we hugged. "I missed you."
Me: "I missed you more." We kissed a long and passionate kiss at the parking lot.
"I'll see you later, you're spending the night."
Hlelo: "No can do. I am starting work tomorrow and I need to be prepared and it
starts with my beauty sleep. I'll see you after work."
Me: "You promise?" She kissed me
Hlelo: "Yes papa!" That made me blush, a whole Zulu man.
Me: "I am still seeing you later, you don't have to spend the night. Before I forget
let's pay for games' day"
Hlelo: "Oh yes." We walked to the school's office holding hands.
Me: "Are we a couple now and this is a relationship?" We looked at each other
and laughed.
Hlelo: "So much for S&M" we were still laughing "I guess its #CoupleThings
#RelationshipGoals." She was smiling this whole time. She was so beautiful.
Me: "Hay I need to remind you that I am old." She laughed even harder
Hlelo: "I forget sometimes." She was too mature for her age I felt. She fell into Sne
and Lwazi's age group. I mean the age difference between us was 14 years.
Anyway we paid and parted ways. I had business to take care of and she had
errands to run. I left a happy man, she was finally mine and I was going to handle
things properly this time. I wanted her to know who she was dealing with early in
the relationship so she'll work with me and not against me, hopefully. But that
was to happen the next time I saw her.
»53«
CONTINUED
AZANDE
My baby girl was growing up so much together with Jay and I couldn’t be happier.
I admired them, as they took a nap together with their father on our bed. Nathan
was the best father to the kids and the greatest big brother to my siblings. He was
even closer to them than me, they went to him when they had problems. I had
never envisioned myself having a family this big, my own family that is, in my
head it was always going to be mama, my siblings and I, just the 5 of us. And now
we were a mixed-raced family of 7 and we were happy.
Nathan: “Why are you watching us sleep, its creepy.” I giggled as he pulled me to
the bed with them. We kissed “Hey.”
Me: “Hey.” We stared into each others eyes. His eyes drive me crazy, I just get
lost in them. “I love you, do you know that.” I really did. I was slowly accepting the
man he really was. The shock and the fear was subsiding and the words from the
gogos had been echoing in my head. Nathan was it for me, there was nothing
better than him out there, I knew that. Like Lisa said, at the end of the day its love
that matters most and I really loved him and he loved me back. And choosing him
was a decision I could live with.
Nathan: “Ngyakthanda nam (I love you too).” I smiled. I believed him, Nathan was
mine forever.
Me: “Since you are up and the kids are still sleeping, how about…” He just kissed
my lips and went down to planting went kisses on my neck “Nathan man!” I tried
acting annoyed whereas in actual fact I loved it
Nathan: “How about we make another baby.” That’s the only thing on his mind
lately, mind you Ella was only four months old. I held his face
Me: “I was about to say, how about we pick a wedding date.” He smiled and I
joined him, I wanted to be Mrs Pierce officially. “We’ll visit the baby topic after
the wedding.” Ella still needed my attention together with the very possessive
Jaden, another sibling was to come later.
Nathan: “Okay, I can accept that. We getting married on your birthday.” What!!
Me: “My love that’s in like less than 2 months.” I needed more time but I was
loving the idea of tying the knot on my birthday, best way to enter into 33 years.
Nathan: “Then start planning Azande. I am not changing my mind about this. We
were supposed to get married 2 months ago remember.”
Me: “Nathan it wont work for me. I am going back to work next week, I don’t
need the stress of planning a wedding right now.”
Nathan: “Then hire someone to plan it for you, but on your birthday I am saying I
do to you.” He kissed my forehead and got off the bed. “Come, I am cooking
dinner today.” He was so sufficient though. I took the baby monitor and we went
to the kitchen and he started doing his thing while I watched him.
Me: “I guess ill start looking for a planner.”
Nathan: “You do that.”
Me: “Now that we have a date, my love id like to stress the importance of leaving
your work, at work and at home you be my husband and baba wezingane zam.” I
wasn’t going to have that gangster crap in my house. “I want a normal life
Nathan.”
Nathan: “I promise. Nothing is going to change about us.” I nodded, he came over
to hug and kiss me and he carried on cooking. “Are you sure you are comfortable
about everything?”
Me: “I wish I didn’t know what you do exactly but its not like knowing has
changed anything. We still the same people we were before so I guess I am
comfortable.”
Nathan: “Okay. Thank you for giving me another chance, I promise I wont keep
anything from you ever again.”
Me: “Lesson learnt?” I gave him a questioning look.
Nathan: “Definitely.” I nodded and he took everything he needed from the fridge.
Me: “So I started giving Ella formula and the dramatic goddess doesn’t want it.
Nathan I am going back to work and I am not pumping as much milk as I did
before.” Ella was growing and her appetite was increasing.
Nathan: “You just have to keep trying MaJele. She’s not used to it, just give her
time.”
Me: “You have a point.”
Nathan: “Are you sure you want to go back to work? You dont have to, you know.
You can just stay at home and take care of my kids.” WTF!! Is he crazy?
Me: “Nathan I didn’t study for 4 years just to be a housewife. I love my job and I
am good at it.” Was he kidding me, next thing he controls my life because he is
supporting us.
Nathan: “Okay.” He was busy draining the pasta
Me: “Is that it, are you not going to convince me some more?”
Nathan: “No. I just want to make you happy Azande, that’s all.” I don’t know, for
some weird reason I felt like shit. I was ready to bite his head off.
Me: “I am happy my love.”
Nathan: “Then I am doing my job as your husband.” I kissed him
Me: “I am going to wake those two up and ask Vicky to give them a bath.”
Nathan: “Okay.” I left him. We were finally back to our old selves but a lot had
changed. We had bodyguards and drivers. On days I felt like driving myself which
was most of the time, I had two escort cars. They were good though because I
didn’t even feel their presence, you’d swear I was the first lady. I really loved my
life though, I wouldn’t have changed anything about it.
=======
Phiwe: “So is Ella treating you well? I have to say you look really good for
someone who gave birth about 4 months ago.”
Me: “I have been making healthy choices and exercise. Nothing major just power
walking in the morning and I have to say, I am enjoying it.” Any person who knew
me would tell you I hated anything they made me sweat.
Phiwe: “That’s good.” I nodded. She was really friendly and so welcoming. To
think I was insecure about her when Nathan first bought me to her. “So what can I
do for you today?”
Me: “Contraceptive PLEASE! Nathan is on a mission and my baby girl still needs
my attention.” She laughed at me.
Phiwe: “Okay. Lets do this, pill or injection?’
Me: “I’ll take the pill. I have read so much about the side effects of the injection.
And I am not as young anymore you know.”
Phiwe: “Okay, remember you cant afford to miss a dose.”
Me: “Of course.” She gave me a prescribtion for 3 months and I was good to go
“Thank you so much.”
Phiwe: “You welcome.”
Me: “Nathan tells me he did medicine with you.” She laughed
Phiwe: “For like 5 minutes. It was fun times though, as much as he didn’t drink
but we partied like crazy, him and Harry were bad for my liver.” I ended up
laughing.
Me: “Theres more to my husband clearly. You and Harry should join us for dinner
sometimes so you can spill some more.”
Phiwe: “We’d love to.”
Me: “Let me not keep you from your job. Thanks Phiwe.”
Phiwe: “Bye Mrs Pierce.” We hugged and I left to meet up with my girls. It had
been forever, being a wife and mother took away most of my time now.
Bongi: “Aaaah Mrs Pierce.”
Ziyanda: “Hey babe.” We all hugged
Me: “You guys look too good.”
Hope: “Omg! Sorry I am late.”
Me: “Wow! Look at you, iglow my friend.” We laughed and hugged
Hope: “Thank you babe.” We started catching up
Bongi: “You’ve been really scarce Zande.”
Ziyanda: “Baba wezingane zethu has kidnapped her from us.” We laughed
Me: “Its not even him that has me scarce, its Ella and Jaden. Guys being a mother
is showing me flames hay”
Bongi: “But Ella is not a problem child.” If only she knew how easily irritable she
got. Going to public places with Ella was a bad idea.
Hope: “You have a full time nanny Zande, what are you complaining about?”
Me: “And she’s very helpful but everything still on me. Anyway enough about me,
whats new in the hood?” and the gossip started flowing and the alcohol was going
in. I know I wasn’t supposed to drink since I was breastfeeding but I haven’t
sipped anything in over a year. I needed it!
Bongi: “So Loy is cheating on me.”
Us: “WHAT!!!”
Bongi: “Yup with hoodrat from Soweto. Guys I have done everything, I am a great
wife if you were to rate me, I submit to him even when I feel its too much
sometimes.” WoW! How could Loyiso do this to my friend? I also agree Bongiwe
was the best wife to that controlling ass, she tolerated every crap Loyiso threw at
her. My friend looked so broken and I was hurt for her.
Ziyanda: “Haisuka Bongi, mshiye (leave him) if he’s taking advantage of your
loyalty and love.” It wasn’t easy as it sounded hay.
Me: “Bongi were you guys having problems, what’s his reason for such betrayal?”
there had to be an explanation I felt but in honesty there is no justification for
cheating.
Bongi: “Loyiso ufana umfana (wants a son) Zande and I have been failing at giving
him one. Its been straining our marriage, so he doesn’t sleep at home now.” She
started crying and we were in public guys. I really felt sorry for her, no I was
actually hurt for her. I knew what being cheated on felt like, worse for her it was
her husband of 8 years.
Hope: “That’s not an excuse, its not your fault that you guys are not having a son.
Uphambene (he’s crazy) uLoyiso.” It was insane, and that Xhosa idiot was capable
of doing this to Bongiwe. Loyiso like I said was controlling and it had to be his way
or no way at all.
Me: “I am really sorry Bongiwe that you going through this. We are here for you,
for whatever you need.”
Bongi: “Thank you guys. I haven’t decided on what I am going to do yet. Please
don’t judge me if I decide to fix things, Loyiso is my husband, father of my kids
and I love him very much.” I totally understood that. I mean I was about to
officially tie the knot with a gangster because I loved him.
Me: “No judgement.”
Ziyanda: “No promises. I mean Bongiwe he’s excuse for cheating is lame, who’s to
say you wont have other problems and he’ll use those problems as an excuse to
cheat again?” She was right, Loyiso was justifying his poor actions for a situation
Bongiwe had no control over and my good friend was letting him getaway with it.
Hope: “I am with Yanda on this one. What uLoyiso is doing is wrong and lets be
honest he’s very contolling uNjandini!” Hope was drunk now.
Me: “The choice is yours though Bongiwe whether we judge you or not.” At the
end of the day, Bongiwe was going to make a choice that worked for her and
there was nothing we were going to do about that.
Bongi: “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” She sipped her cocktail and the
rest of us ordered food and more drinks. There was so much we were catching up
on. I wanted to inform my girl about my coming wedding but after Bongiwe’s
news, I felt it wasn’t a good idea. I was going to wait a few days just for the dust
to settle. The catching up was going so well that I lost track of time and one of the
body guards signalled me.
Me: “Excuse me ladies.” I went to him outside and he handed me his phone
Nathan: “Where the fuck are you Azande?” he was pissed “And you don’t answer
your phone now?”
Me: “Baby.”
Nathan: “Get back home now!!” he hung up the phone. Wow, okay! He sounded
really pissed and I was a little terrified. I gave the guy his phone back and I went
to fetch my handbag and took out my phone. I had 20 missed calls from him, it
was over for me.
Me: “Guys I have to get home. It was really nice catching up with you.”
Hope: “We should at least meet up once a month.”
Ziyanda: “I agree, yes we are busy but we should make time for each other as
well.”
Me: “Definitely. I’ll see you guys soon.” We hugged and I left them. I got home
they had already had dinner because Vicky was washing the dishes and Nathan
was watching tv with the kids.
Me: “Hey guys.”
Sonke: “Hey sisi.” Jay walked to me and I took him. Ella was dosing off on her
father’s chest.
Me: “Uphi (where is) uLethu?”
Sonke: “Bathing.” I nodded.
Me: “Do you want me to take her?”
Nathan: “…” wow! He didn’t even acknowledge my existence “I can smell the
alcohol from here.” He gave me the coldest look.
Me: “The girls and I had a few drinks.”
Nathan: “Must have been fun since it has made you forget who you are.” He
stood up and left me astonished. He took Ella upstairs and that meant he was
sleeping in the master bedroom that night. I admit that I was wrong but he didn’t
need to be this cold. Jaden and I followed them
Me: “Baby, Mr Pierce I am really sorry. I lost track of time and it wont happen
again.” Why was he acting like I killed someone?
Nathan: “…” Instead he took off his clothes and walked to the bathroom. He was
going make me beg clearly and I was a little drunk and impatient so I left him to
cool down.
=====
Me: “My love it has been 3 days please find it in your heart to forgive my
recklessness.” He looked at me while he sipped his coffee “I am going back to
work today and id like my first day to go smoothly and it starts with a morning kiss
from you which I haven’t gotten in 3 days.” I sulked. Nathan’s silent treatmeant is
loud and it just sucks the life out of me.
Nathan: “Azande you are a mother and a wife now. We shouldn’t have dinner
without you unless you had notified us before hand.”
Me: “I know and I am so sorry. Being with my girls after so long just took me back
to before you and the kids and I missed it and I also got carried away. I promise it
won’t happen again.”
Nathan: “Okay. Come get your morning kiss then.” I giggled and I bent over to kiss
him “I am driving you to work today.”
Me: “Okay, let me go get dressed.” I went to get ready, next thing he shuts and
locks the door. I didn’t like his face, it meant one thing -sex “Nathan I am going to
be late!” he came closer and started kissing me. He was going to make me late for
work but the kissed felt so good and right. He didn’t care about my problems
“Mmmm” He pushed me on the bed, he got in between my legs and slid my panty
to the side. Before I could register what was really happening, he inserted his
manhood “Aaah baby.” It felt great
Nathan: “Aaaah Shit! Just great!!” He started moving slowly and I moved together
with him. I loved every thrust he was inflicting but mostly I loved the man behind
the thrusts. He paused midway and kissed my forehead and looked at me “I love
you so much MaJele.”
Me: “I love you too Pierce.” We kissed slowly and passionately while he picked up
the pace to his thrusts “Soo Ama..ziing!” I was slowly building up and he went
faster that threw me over the edge and I released all my juices “Aaaaaah”
Nathan: “Shit!! Yeses!” He came apart after me. We kissed while he pulled out, he
went to fetch a towel and cleaned me up. “Get ready then, ill be outside.”
Me: “Okay.” I checked the time and I only had 10 minutes and I started running
like a headless chicken. 15 minutes later I was done and I went to check on my
kids “Today is going to be a long day for me without you two.” I kissed them “I
love you so so much.” I really did, I couldn’t imagine life without them anymore. I
even call Sonia just to check up on Jaden on their weekends together, I know its
crazy since she was Jaden’s mother but I cant help it. “Vicky keep your phone
close by because I will be calling to check up on you guys.” Probably every 5
minutes.
Vicky: “Of course boss lady.” I took my things and I left. Nathan drove me to work
Nathan: “Ill see you later.” We kissed “I love you.”
Me: “I love you too.” And I went inside the centre. I was welcomed with cards and
flowers and hugs “I was missed clearly.”
Boni: “You have no idea. The guy that was filling in for you was so unreasonable,
Its really good to have you back.” We hugged
Me: “Thank you so much guys. Now lets get down to work please.” They all left
for their duties. I didn’t feel like I belonged there for some weird reason. I really
missed home and the kids, I was used to being a mother now, all I had to worry
about was food and nappy changes or naptime, patient care and rooster
arrangement felt boring but I had to do the work. While I was busy catching up
with my paperwork, I got a call from reception telling me I had a visitor. I went to
see who it was and you will not believe me if I told you. No, no I turned back I was
in a good mood, my husband and I were happy. I really didn’t need his negative
energy
Mxo: “Azande come on! I need to talk to you.” Yes, it was him.
Me: “We have nothing to say to each other. Please leave now!!” he doesn’t rest.
Mxo: “I tried calling you and it said your number doesn’t exist. Azande please hear
me out.” This was a very bad idea. He was causing a scene and embarrassing me
at work
Me: “You have a minute.” He was such a mess, like he hasn’t showered in days.
Mxo: “My father was murdered 3 days ago.”
Me: “I am really sorry to hear that. Please go cry to Nokuzola and leave me out of
it.”
Mxo: “It was Nathan and his goons.” WTF! “He got me fired at work, took our
family mine and then killed my father just so I can stop investigating him.” Mxolisi
was not a liar, that’s one thing I knew about him when it came to whatever
vendetta they had with Nathan.
Me: “Why are you telling me this Mxolisi? What do you want from me?”
Mxo: “I just want you to know what you are dealing with Azande. Nathan is a
monster and he deserves to be locked up and the key to be thrown away. Him
and his friends.” Was he kidding me? “I saw you this morning kissing and hugging
like everything is okay. Nathan is not a good man.” So Mxolisi was stalking me
now?
Me: “He’s the father of my kids Mxolisi.” What did he want me to do?
Mxolisi: “That doesn’t change who is Zande. He’s a murderer, you share a bed
with a monster Zande. Think about that!!” He left me standing there, all
emotional. Was he right, was Nathan a bad man? Mxolisi has bad timing and I
honestly didn’t need him telling me I was sleeping next to a monster. What was
my next step, was I getting married in less than 2 months?

»54«
HLELO
Me: “So you and Sbonga are Team Red since its Sbonga and I’s favourite color.
And we have to be there at 8 in the morning on Saturday. I wanna thank you
again for doing this Nqobani, he’s so excited he even asked for new sneakers,
imagine.” he laughed, Sbonga's energy was too much sometimes.
Nqobani: “I am happy to, now I kinda feel you should have come with him.” I
really appreciated what he offered to do for Sbonga. Being a single-mother was
hard guys, the more Sbonga grew the harder it got. And his school wasn’t helping
with having games’ day with the fathers and cooking day for mothers, it was a lot
and Sbonga was interested in everything! It never ends
Me: “Next time I will.” We were sitting comfortably on the couch “So whats the
plan?”
Nqobani: “No plan, I just wanted to spend time with my girl. So tell me you want
to be a prosecutor?” Guys I had a boyfriend, the greatest one at that. He wasn’t
perfect I knew that but he deserved a chance. I was just sceptical about the mess
that was about to unfold.
Me: “That’s the plan. To catch the bad guys.” He kept on nodding but there was
more on his mind.
Nqobani: “Ready for tomorrow?”
Me: “Yooh baby I am so nervous. I am not a varsity student anymore, Its the big
leagues now!” I was nervous, I wanted to make a great first impression.
Nqobani: “Let me take care of those nerves for you.” He started kissing me
passionately. I was liking were the kissing was going but I had to leave and handle
things at home. My parents were back in Durban, Qhawekazi was healthy enough
to leave the hospital and she was going to do her check ups that side. My mother
needed to get back to work and we didn’t necessarily need them that much.
Me: “Baby, I need to go. I promised to sleep over tomorrow remember.”
Nqobani: “Just one round, please baby.”
Me: “Hayi Nqobani.”
Nqobani: “A quickie then.” In all honesty I needed sexual release myself
“Ngyacela MaGumede (Please)”
Me: “Make it quick Nqobani.” We started kissing and helping each other out of
our clothes. And no we didn’t have a quickie because Nqobani was on some pill or
muthi, I was convinced by his stamina. The guy still wanted to go after 4 rounds,
wow!
Nqobani: “I guess ill see you tomorrow.” We kissed
Me: “Yes. Bye now.” He closed my car door and I drove away. He always walks me
to me my car whenever we are in good spirits. I got home and I was met by no
one because Sbonga was already asleep. I called them because I had just left my
man for them so they had to come back.
Alime: “Where do you disappear to, anyway?”
Lakhe: “Gugulethu please don’t tell me you have a boyfriend or I will murder
somebody.” I laughed because they were crazy. I had a child so the ship of them
being overprotective brothers had long sailed.
Me: “Mxm!!! When is Ntombi giving birth? Should I organise a baby shower for
her?” It was best to ignore Masilakhe.
Alime: “I am sure she’ll like that and she’s is due in 2 months. We went for a scan
last week and my boy is growing so much.” He said with a smile, he was really
excited about being a father and yes they were having a boy.
Lakhe: “Are we not going to talk about Beverly?” oh yes her, she came to our
grandparent’s house in Durban claiming to be 3 months pregnant by Alime. Baba
was so pissed he beat the shit out of Alime and he even left a scar on his
forehead.
Alime: “That child is not mine. Yes Bev and I hooked up but not at the time when
that baby was convieved.” He seemed sure about this.
Me: “We’ll just have to wait until she gives birth. What if its yours bhuti?”
Alime: “Then I’ll do what needs to be done but for now, I am not doing anything.
Bev hooked up with half of KwaMashu so it could be anyone’s baby.” I just
nodded
Me: “You have 4 months then since she’s around 5 months now.”
Lakhe: “Alime are you allergic to condoms or something?” I laughed because in all
honesty my brother was reckless with his life. Our parents preached safe sex for
as long as I can remember but it seemed like Alime didn’t care. And I expected
such recklessness from Lakhe.
Alime: “With Bev I ran out of condoms and I took the risk.” He said brushing his
faded hair “And Ntombi was a virgin and she kept on complaining about how
painful the condom was so I went in raw kanti islima sizo mitha (and the idiot fell
pregnant).”
Me: “Nawe uyislima nje ngaye (you are also an idiot), haven’t you heard of
emergency contraceptives?” I looked at him and he had no answer.
Alime: “It doesn’t matter now, I am about to be a father and I am happy about
that.” We carried on chatting and we ordered food until we went to bed. We
were all unemployed now but I wouldn’t call Lakhe unemployed with his music
thing he was booked in most clubs and parties and Alime had a few interviews
lined up and he was a freelance IT specialists. Lunathi was working at some
hospital and was doing his final year. He really did get his shit together when he
got to Johannesburg.
======
The time for me to start my job eventually came, and I was over the moon
because I was bored to death being at home but I was still a nervous wreck. I was
ready to learn and grow and be the best prosecutor the world has ever seen. My
first day at work I came in navy chino pants and a matching waist coat with a
white long sleeve shirt and Jimmy Choo red heels. I had already signed my
contract with HR, so I was prepared for training that week.
Woman: “My name is Felicia Mogale, I am in charge of all interns. So all of you
report to me.” we nodded. There were 7 of us and we all looked nervous judging
by the way we were nodding. “So you do what I tell you to do, you go where I tell
you to go. Understand?”
Us: “Yes!!”
Felicia: “Okay Gugu and Phila you are with Mgabadeli today. Mabusi you are with
Plaaitjie together with Clinton, and the rest of you are with me.” I am guessing
those were senior prosecutors. “Learn what you need to learn, I will be checking
up on you.” We nodded “Now lets get to work good people!”
Me: “Do you know who this Mgabadeli fela is?”
Phila: “One of the hottest prosecutors Joburg has to offer.” From the way he
sounded to the way he was dress, dead giveaway, Phila was gay. “Lets go find him
doll.” And we went to his office and indeed I was met by a South African Idris
Elba. There was something about him nje
Us: “Morning sir.”
Him: “Interns?” we nodded “Okay. Blessing Mgabadeli is the name and you are?”
Me: “Gugulethu Gumede.”
Phila: “Philasande Ziqubu.” We all shook hands
Blessing: “Nice to meet you guys. Now lets get to work, we are due in court in 30
minutes. Familarize yourself with the case and get back to with a strategy on how
to handle it.” and he stood up and left us. Phila and I looked at each other and
laughed because weren’t prepared for such.
Me: “Come lets put those 4 years at Wits into good use.”
Phila: “You went to Wits?” I nodded “I studied via Unisa while I worked as a
waitress.”
Me: “Don’t you mean waiter.”
Phila: “Waitress boo. I thought it was obvious, I am gay.”
Me: “It was. We’ll talk more after work now lets see how are we going to keep
Bradly Gibson in jail.” We read the charges together with the evidence against
him. We discussed the case until Blessing came back.
Blessing: “Come, you will tell me how to handle the case on our drive to court.
You both can drive right?” we nodded “Good one of you is driving.” And we took
our things and left for court, Phila drove us. The state presented the case but
Bradley had a good lawyer and things weren’t slam dunk as we expected. The
Judge called for a lunch recess and we left. I took cab to meet up with the guy
who ran over my car so we could discuss how he was going to pay me back.
Me: “Ninjany (how are you)?” we shook hands “I emailed you the receipt for the
damages to my car and I gave you enough time to gather the money. You need to
pay up before this becomes a court matter.” I was lawyer now and I was going to
use it to get ahead.
Man: “So much money! Take me to court or don’t, I don’t care. I am not paying
anything, your car is fine akere.” He was so rude.
Me: “Then you leave me no choice but to sue you and it will cost you more than
R20000.” I stood up and left
Man: “mxm!” I wanted to fight that man with the law but I just didn’t have the
patience especially now when I had just started a new job. As I was waiting for my
cab a hobo grabbed my handbag and ran. As if my day wasn’t hectic enough, I was
in a fighting mood so I took off my shoes and ran after him screaming “Stop him,
he has my purse!!” Jozi people didn’t do anything, hehe wow! Luckily the idiot fell
and I caught him.
Me: “WTF! You are a girl. All I need is my car keys and my son’s console and you
can have the bag and everything in it.” Sbonga was going to kill me if I didn’t give
him his xbox console back.
Hobo: “O na le bokae (how much do you have)?” she gave me my bag back with
so much attitude. I looked her, her eyes they were so sad. I was really touced,
how did she get by? She looked like she was my age.
Me: “I think I have R100 but lets find a ATM and I will give you more.” She was
shocked, I shocked myself as well. “Come. Lets walk fast I need to get back to
work.” She led me to the closest ATM and I withdrew my daily limit for her
Hobo: “Dankie ausie.”
Me: “My name is Gugulethu, whats your name?”
Hobo: “Lucy.”
Me: “Okay Lucy, it was nice meeting you. Do you hang out around here?”
Lucy: “Yeah, at the back of that building.”
Me: “Okay ill come back.” I wanted to know her more, I felt something, I didn’t
know what it was but I felt it. “Bye now.” I went to find a taxi back to court and I
was late obviously. Court continued but the judge wasn’t satisfied with the state’s
evidence so he dismissed the case.
Blessing: “So what did you learn today?”
Me: “Never underestimate your opponent.”
Phila: “That the bad guys always win.”
Blessing: “Not necessarily, this time the bad guy walked away because of
technicalities. I was hoping you’d say the basics are important. The fundamentals
are very important, half the time they are what make or break the case.” Yes with
the Bradley case, the arresting officer was a bit violent and didn’t read him his
marander rights and he won the case just like that. “But you are not wrong, never
go to a fight thinking you know your opponent. Go with the mentality of nothing
is impossible.” We nodded “It was good working with you two today. Here are the
rest of the week’s cases go home and prepare. I will see you tomorrow.” And we
took our files and signed out.
Phila: “Are you taking the Gautrain or taxis so we’ll walk together?”
Me: “I am driving. Where do you stay so I can drop you off?”
Phila: “Tjoh girl must be nice, a whole GTI hehe.” We laughed “I stay ko Alex, is it
not far?”
Me: “No its close to where I stay actually but first I need to fetch my son from
aftercare.”
Phila: “You have a son?” I nodded “Oh okay asambe ke.” We got into the car and
we went to fetch my King and I drove Phila home, I liked him. He talked too much
though. “So whats your name little man?”
Sbonga: “I am not little.” tjoh hayike, he was really bothered “Call me The King.”
Phila laughed until he realized that we were serious
Phila: “Okay The King, I am Phila Gugu’s collegue.”
Sbonga: “Who’s Gugu now?” I laughed
Me: “I am. I looked at Phila my name is mama to The King phela.” We laughed.
“Give me directions.” And he directed me until I got to his house. “I will see you
tomorrow.”
Phila: “Of course.”
Me: “Do you need me to fetch you or?”
Phila: “Are you sure?” I nodded, I really didn’t mind plus Phila was good company.
“Okay.”
Me: “Let me take your number then.” And we exchanged numbers and we drove
home. To find Lume Alime cooking “Wena you are the one. I’ll go change and
we’ll join you guys.” I went to change in my room and called home, they had been
texting me all day asking about my first day. After dinner Sbonga and his nanny
took care of each other while I packed my overnight bag. Nqobani had been on
my case about me sleeping over.
Alime: “Where are you going?”
Me: “KwaMthethwa, ill come back in the morning.” Lakhe and Alime didn’t like
converstaions about me dating so lying to them was best.
Lunathi: “Okay, be safe. I can drive Sbonga to school for you.”
Me: “I’d really love that. Thank you big bro.” I went to hug him
Lunathi: “Sure. Greet Rainbow for me.” I looked at him “What? It was over a year
ago.”
Me: “Mxm! Bye and I love you both.”
Them: “Love you too Hlehle.” And left.
Nqobani: “I thought you had forgotten about me.” I laughed
Me: “What? Me, forget papa? Never!” we laughed and hugged “Are good?”
Nqobani: “I am better now.” We kissed. “These are for you.”
Me: “Chocolates and flowers. Why?” He laughed
Nqobani: “Because you deserve them “Precious One”. I don’t need a reason to
spoil you now do I?”
Me: “Thank you baby. You’ve never spoilt me before so forgive me if I am
skeptical.”
Nqobani: “Well before you weren’t my girlfriend. So expect things to be different
now.”
Me: “What? Are we talking about fine dining and picnics?”
Nqobani: “What?” he was so confused. I laughed “Whats wrong with eating food
that you cooked. Fine dining yani (for what) Hlelo?” He was annoyed now and it
was funny to watch.
Me: “I am joking. I know you like to use me for cooking.” I kissed him gently
“Thank you for the flowers, I love daffodils.” I kept on smelling them and I opened
the tray of chocolates and I ate one
Nqobani: “You are welcome. So how was your first day?”
Me: “Very interesting.” I started telling him everything
Nqobani: “Hlelo he refused to pay and you didn’t tell me?” I was at the part
where the guy refused to reimburse me for the damages.
Me: “Baby that guy was rude and right after that I almost got mugged and I
handle it like …”
Nqobani: “Woman! Why didn’t you tell me all of this when I was busy asking you
about your day?” He seemed pissed and I didn’t think it was a big deal
Me: “Calm down! A girl mugged me and I chased her and I begged her to just give
me back my keys and Sbonga’s console. She asked me how I have and I gave her
R2000.”
Nqobani: “What?”
Me: “She needed it Nqobani. There was something about her, I just felt sorry for
her.” He looked at me “I am fine.”
Nqobani: “Are you sure?”
Me: “I am sure.”
Nqobani: “Ill take care of that scumbag. Lets go to bed.” We went to take an
innocent shower first and we went to bed. This was a relationship now and
expectations had to be different like the fact that not everything was about sex. I
woke up in the middle of the night pressed and thirsty. He wasn’t in bed, I ignored
it and went to the bathroom. I was more alert now and I was sure it wasn’t just us
in the apartment, it was a lot of voices. Male, deep voices and I followed them
without making a sound and I peeped in the living room
Me: “WTF!!!” I said in a low tone. It was black big cases, inside it was guns.
Nqobani and some guy were inspecting them. What was going on here?
Nqobani: “Are sure these are enough JB?”
JB: “Grootboom what Viper is planning is big. It’s a war and its time we prepared
for one.” I assumed he was JB because he answered.
Nqobani: “Okay these are 9mm, we need 3 cases of AK47.” I walked to the
kitchen while rubbing my eyes. And they panicked and closed the cases. “Did we
wake you up?” I looked at him and drank my water.
Me: “I was thirsty. Goodnight.” I walked back to bed but I couldn’t fall asleep.
After a while he came back to bed and held me tight. I pretended to be asleep
until sleep finally came. I was going to let this play itself out but at the same time
curiosity was killing me. Who was Nqobani, what was I dealing with? The next
morning things went on as normal, he didn’t say anything, they guy even offered
to drive me to work, wow! It wasn’t over though, I was going to find out the truth.
======
Me: “I bought you food. I don’t know if you’ll like it.” I handed it to her. It was pap
and beef curry with veges.
Lucy: “Thanks.” She started eating like her life depended on it. “Dijo tsena di ja
monate.” Ill assume she meant it tastes good, my Sotho was bad.
Me: “You are welcome. How long have you lived here?”
Lucy: “3 years. I don’t need your sorry.” she meant pity, right?
Me: “Kea tseba. Ke batla ho tosa fela (I know, I just want to help).”
Lucy: “I am fine, I don’t need your help too.” Was she kidding me? She had just
finished the food I gave her in less than 8 minutes.
Me: “I know.” She handed me my Tupperware and she drank her juice “I wanted
to buy you dinner but you are fine. I guess bye now.” She looked at me and I also
looked at her.
Lucy: “Mxm!”
Me: “Lucy I know you are fine and you’ve been on your own for 3 years but id like
to help.” She laughed sarcastically.
Lucy: “I see right through you. You are a rich child, who has never worked a day in
her life. Who fucken gives a homeless person R2000?”
Me: “You needed it more than I did Lucy.”
Lucy: “Well I used it to smoke drugs and drink alcohol.” Wow! I thought she was
going to get herself toiletries and food.
Me: “If its what you needed I guess its okay.” I walked to my car and I took the
things I had bought for her.
Lucy: “Wow! O khutlile (she’s back)” she sounded bored. I was really hurt but as
much she didn’t want to admit it she needed help even if it wasn’t from me.
Me: “Here.” I handed her a plastic bag with toiletries and clothes and I left.
Lucy: “Thank you!!” she shouted and I showed her a thumbs up and got into my
car and drove back to work. She was really mean to me but I understood where
she was coming from, she had been on those streets for 3 years of course she had
trust issues. All she needed was someone to show her kindness and I was that
someone. I don’t why I was so understanding and willing to do such things for her,
I had no explanation.
======
Me: “I was thinking of telling Nathan myself and of course Thingo.”
Nqobani: “If you tell Thingo then Hlanga will know.”
Me: “Then we have to tell them on the same day baby because she’ll be mad at
me for keeping this for so long.”
Nqobani: “Nathan is going to kill me.”
Me: “Probably but you cant die.” We laughed
Nqobani: “I can handle him.”
Me: “Of course you can.”
Nqobani: “MaGumede.”
Me: “Papa.” He made me look at him. All this time we were cuddling post sexual
activities. We kissed
Nqobani: “I am really happy you are in my life.”
Me: “Me too.”
Nqobani: “Good.” he took my hands and kissed them “You remember the day I
told you life with me is complicated?”
Me: “I do.” I was really skeptical about this conversation, his face was tense too.
Nqobani: “Besides my day job, I am part of a gang. I am telling you this because
your safety matters here and also you are in my life. I don’t want you blindsided
when things go wrong.” I am dreaming, right?
Me: “Is that why you and bhuti got shot and there was no case?” he nodded
slowly. “And the cases of guns?”
Nqobani: “You saw them? Yes baby. We smuggle, we launder money and other
things.” He was talking like this is what normal people talk about, like what he
was telling me wasn’t a crime.
Me: “…” I wanted to speak, I wanted to say something. My mouth even moved
but nothing came out of my mouth, I was suddenly mute.
Nqobani: “Baby I know its hard to digest but you had to know.”
Me: “Nqobani why are you telling me this? Why are you even doing it?” I yanked
my hands out of his grip
Nqobani: “Baby, MaGumede! Here me out.” I got out of bed “The only reason
why I joined the gang was to have Hlanga’s back.”
Me: “Nqobani he almost died a few months back. I saw what it did to you and
Thingo, how am I going to survive if something were to happen you?”
Nqobani: “Baby.”
Me: “You have been watching me wake up every money going work, preaching
about making the world a better place for my son one criminal at a time kanti you
are also one.” Anger was slowly building up in me
Nqobani: “MaGumede I am not a bad guy here. Yes I do bad things but deep
down you know the kind of man I am.”
Me: “What makes a good man Nqobani?” I looked at him “Is it not his actions, his
morals and values?” I had to leave it there before I said things I might regret
Nqobani: “Fine! I am not a good man, but I am a man who loves you Gugulethu!”
he was getting pissed. Wow! The day he says the magic words was the day he also
told me about his criminal activities. And he wasn't even romantic about it.
Me: “…” he was on a mission to shock me that day. “I have nothing to say
honestly.”
Nqobani: “I just told you that I Iove you Hlelo.”
Me: “Well I am feeling so many things right now Nqobani and love isn’t one of
them. You are not even my favourite person right now.” I wore my leggings and
one of his t-shirts and I walked to the kitchen
Nqobani: “This doesn’t change anything, what I do doesn’t change what I feel for
you and Sbonga.” I looked at him, was he seriously bringing up my son in this
messy world of theirs. “Ill tell Lonhle and Hlanga about us tomorrow.”
Me: “You are so unbelievable!”
Nqobani: “And I am dead serious, I love you Hlelolwenkosi Gugulethu Gumede.”
He was moving closer to me and I didn’t have space to move back. He pinned me
against the fridge and kissed me slowly, at first I didn’t respond but he wasn’t
giving up. “Please find it in your heart to fully accept the man I am.” He pecked
my lips “I promise I wont disappoint you and ill make you the happiest woman in
Mzansi.”
Me: “I want the world Nqobani.” I sulked and he chuckled and kissed me
Nqobani: “Done! Ill make you the happiest woman in the world ke mama ka
Sbonga.” The way he said it and the way he was touching me, I might just cave.
Me: “I am willing to consider under one condition.”
Nqobani: “Name it and it is done.”
Me: “You choose a pychiatrist from that list and you go see it.”
Nqobani: “Haaa! Baby, I told you I need time.”
Me: “It seems as though your time has run out. Nqobani you are procrastinating
and its not good.” I looked at him “Or I can just take my yellow ass back home
because I don’t need to be here.”
Nqobani: “Okay fine!”
Me: “Then I will think about it, after you have cleared things out for me. What
kind of laws do you break exactly?” he chuckled and started telling me everything,
he was so happy like it was normal. I was caught by the love bug guys because
none of the shit he was talking about made sense but there was no bone my body
that said flight!! I was staying with this crazy criminal “If Hlanga is in this, so
Thingo knows?”
Nqobani: “Nope, Hlanga hasn’t told her.”
Me: “Wow!” I looked at him “You do know I don’t approve any of this right?”
Nqobani: “I expected that. Baby I am the one getting my hands dirty, so don’t
worry about anything.”
Me: “Then why did you tell me Nqobani? What do you mean I shouldn’t worry,
what you do is dangerous, people die.” Was he kidding me? I was back to being
pissed again
Nqobani: “I was telling so you know the truth.”
Me: “mxm! You were telling me to be in constant worry and fear. Just leave me
alone.” I went to the guest bedroom and that’s were the cases of guns were
sitting. I took out a pillow and a blanket and I threw it on the couch. “Goodnight.”
I went to the room and locked it
Nqobani: “Hlelo!! Baby come on!!” he was busy banging the door. “Hlelo ill break
this door, I swear!!” I ignored him until I fell asleep, he must have gotten tired.
======
Thingo: “Awusangfuni wena Hlehle (you don't want me anymore)” pregnant
needy Thingo is so annoying, don't tell her I said that.
Me: “That’s never going to happen. You are my ‘Bow.” She giggled
Thingo: “Okay.” she sipped her milkshake. She was so pregnant, it was even funny
anymore. “So Hlanga is insisting on us going to meet my father.”
Me: “You don’t sound happy. You have wanted this for as long as I can
remember.”
Thingo: “I know. I still do but now I feel it doesn’t matter like it did before. Hlanga
and I have a life of our own and meeting him wont change a thing.”
Me: “You are right, you are your own person and you and Hlanga are a family now
but he’s still your father and meeting him is not a bad idea.”
Thingo: “You are right. In that case don’t make plans for next weekend because
we are going.”
Me: “Okay.” we carried on planning for the trip. She wasn’t as excited as you
expect someone to be “So I have news for you.”
Thingo: “I don’t like your face, is it bad news? Ooh save it Hlelo, I haven’t
recovered from Hlanga’s shooting.”
Me: “I think its good news but you will decide.” She nodded “Nqobani and I are a
thing.”
Thingo: “Shut the front door!!! When, how? Nccccoooh yaz I saw the way he was
checking you out at the hospital.” I giggled
Me: “We became official 2 weeks ago but we started of as fuck buddies.”
Thingo: “And you both caught feeelings wow! I am glad he’s happy after Mimi and
you two are actually good for each other.” I was still on the Mimi thing. “I am so
happy for you guys.”
Me: “Thank you. Do you think, hes over her? Am I even half the woman she was?”
Thingo: “If I were to compare, you are both from different worlds. Personality and
looks but he does have a type since she was yellow but you are worse.” Wow! “I
cant really answer about him being over his dead girlfriend, you should talk to him
if you are worried.” I was worried all of a sudden “Come I need to get home, I
miss my man.” we were at the park with my friend.
Me: “I guess ill see you next weekend.” We hugged
Thingo: “mmm. I love you.”
Me: “I love you too mama bear.”
Thingo: “That name has stuck. If its not you, its mamazi and Sasa.”
Me: “Its time you accepted that Thingo don’t exist no more. Your name is mama
bear now, even when the baby gets here we’ll ask it where’s Thingo, it wont know
who Thingo is.” We laughed. “Sbonga did that to a colleague of mine.”
Thingo: “Yooh issa lot man!” life is a frickle thing man “I’ll see you soon then”
Me: “Bye.” We got into our cars and left. On my drive home I kept on thinking the
sudden turn of events from him telling me he’s a gangster and now the fact that
his girlfriend died together with his son. I was really worried and my insecurities
were waking up. While I was driving Thingo called “babe.”
Thingo: “Gugulethu I am being followed. It’s a black bmw and it doesn’t have a
license plate.” She sounded scared
Me: “Hung up and call bhuti and I will call Nqobani.”
Thingo: “Okay.” after she hung up. I called him and he picked up after the second
ring
Nqobani: “MaMnguni omuhle.” He was happy
Me: “Baby Thingo is being followed by a black BMW and it doesn’t have a number
plate. She’s really scared and I am worried.”
Nqobani: “Okay ill take care of it, you are being followed as well baby?”
Me: “What? Why?”
Nqobani: “Security, we’ll talk later. I love you.”
Me: “…”
Nqobani: “I guess you are still mad at me.”
Me: “Yes I am.” He chuckled
Nqobani: “I can easily change your mind you know.” I laughed
Me: “Mxm! Bye.” I hung up. Then such things happen, they gave me assurance
that all was well and I didn't need to worry.

»54«
CONTINUED
HLANGA
I wasn’t sleeping like a normal person should, I have to say keeping this in wasn’t
good for my health anymore. I wanted to tell my wife so bad, I was ready to take
whatever she threw at me but I have to say the shooting changed her, she was
always so scared suddenly. I didn’t realize how the shooting traumatized her. Not
forgetting that she was pregnant as well, I have to say the situation wasn’t ideal.
Dr: “You seem well and I am happy about your tests.” I was there for my monthly
check up, my scar from the surgery hadn’t fully healed but I was fine.
Me: “I told you I was fine. Thank you for everything doc.”
Dr: “Okay, ill see you next check up Mr Mthethwa.” We shook hands and I left to
meet up with the guys
Me: “And then?” I found them talking about towing a car. In fact Nqobani was
looking to hire a breakdown car at that moment. I was so confused especially
because he was serious about it and the fact that his Audi was parked outside.
Sam: “We also don’t know, all he said he wants a tow truck.”
Nathan: “I thought we were going to Ndu’s place.”
Nqobani: “Mmm! Lets take a detour first.” We all got in our cars and Nqobani
went to fetch the tow truck with Sam. We followed them.
Me: “What is this about?” I was really sceptical
Nqobani: “Some idiot screw me over. We going to Soweto now.”
Nathan: “We right behind you.”
Chance: “He seems worked up.”
Me: “I know, lets get this over done with so we can deal with Ndumiso.”
Chance: “Sure. Lets go.” We followed him to some department offices in Soweto
and my boy didn’t waste time. He hooked a blue polo to the tow truck. People
came running out
Guy: “What the fuck are you doing mfethu, that’s my car?” he was confused. He
tried to come from Nqobani and I stopped him, it wasn’t a good idea. Instead
Nqobani came closer
Nqobani: “#1 I am not your brother. #2 until you pay back that R20000, I am
holding on to this car or even better ill just sell the damn thing.” He was all up in
his face now “So what’s it going to be?”
Guy: “Fine! Fine, give me a month and ill have your money.”
Nqobani: “You’ll see your car in a month then. Lets go guys, Sam take this back to
the warehouse and meet us at Ndu’s penthouse.”
Sam: “Sure Grootboom.”
Nqobani: “Why are you still standing here? Go back to work!!” the guy was
terrified and shocked at the same time, he couldn’t believe what just happend. He
walked back together with his colleagues “So whats the plan?”
Me: “We’ll just hear him out first.”
Nqobani: “Omuhle is already waiting for us.”
Me: “Cool.” We all drove away and we got to his place “WTF Nqobani what do
you need a crowbar for?” Nqobani was all about shocking us that day.
Nqobani: “Ndumiso has been here this whole time, chances are he wont open so I
am going to break his door down because we cant enter the normal way.” He
meant picking the lock. We got there and indeed we broke in and we found him
passed out and naked. Omuhle hurried to fetch a towel
Nathan: “This is bad.” We all covered our noses, bad was an understatement.
There was a smell of a lot of things rotten food, smoke and who know what else
because that place didn’t look like someone lived in it.
Nqobani: “I'll go fetch my medical bag in the car.”
Omuhle: “I'll start cleaning.”
Chance: “Lets throw away the bottles guys.” We all started cleaning the
penthouse and Nqobani came back with his medical case and took his blood
pressure
Me: “How bad is it?”
Nqobani: “There is a pulse but its feint.”
Me: “Hospital?”
Nqobani: “Lets hydrate him and see what happens.” He started cleaning him up
and hooking up an IV.
Omuhle: “Is he going to be fine?” She was a little panicked and tears were
threatening to come out.
Nqobani: “He is going to be fine. I need you to calm down, okay?” she was crying
now. She really did care about him.
Omuhle: “Okay.”
Nathan: “How about you go home and rest and let us clean here.”
Me: “We’ll call you back when he’s awake.”
Omuhle: “I don’t need rest Firstborn. I want to be here when he wakes up!!” she
snapped, wow wasn’t she sobbing a few seconds ago?
Nqobani: “Okay fine. Go get some fresh air by the balcony.”
Omuhle: “Okay.” Nathan walked with her to the balcony.
Me: “There are just certain things, your wife shouldn’t see.” They all looked at me
“I am speaking for myself, nothing is okay about this situation guys.”
Nqobani: “No one is perfect Hlanga.”
Me: “I am aware.” I wasn't judging him at all. The situation was intense, we all
had a lot to say but it wasn’t the place and time. Ndumiso had hit rock bottom
and it wasn’t funny. All the muscle and clear skin was gone. It was obvious that he
wasn’t taking care of himself. We carried on cleaning and throwing things away
while Nqobani took care of him. From washing him, I know, he needed it Ndumiso
had a really bad oudour.
Omuhle: “I think I'll go check on the kids while we are waiting for him to wake
up.”
Me: “Where are they?”
Omuhle: “Foster home.”
Chance&I: “What?”
Omuhle: “Yes. Please call me if anything changes.”
Nqobani: “We will.” She left and we all looked at each other.
Chance: “What could we have done differently?” he was feeling guilty
Nathan: “I also cant shake the feeling that we let things get this far.”
Nqobani: “Ndumiso disappeared round about the time of the attack. A lot was
happening at that time. We were all doing our best to deal with what was in front
of us, no one would’ve predicted this.”
Me: “We cant change the past, we need to focus on the future.”
Nqobani: “Ndumiso is the one with an addiction problem Hlangalezwe, we cant
necessary tell him to go get help.”
Nathan: “Grootboom is right. The decision needs to come from him, he has to
want to change and then we’ll offer our help.” The were right, it didn’t matter
how much effort we put in to get Ndumiso help at the end of the day Ndumiso
was the one who needed to make the effort but it began with him wanting to get
help.
Nqobani: “Guys it looks like it might take a while for him to wake up, go handle
things at home I'll sleep here.”
Chance: “I'll join you, I'll just have to get us Dimpho’s food first.”
Nqobani: “We can order in Thuba.”
Chance: “I am a married man Grootboom and a married man eats his wife’s food
otherwise she thinks I am cheating and she worked really hard making it. Plus its
my turn to read a bedtime story for the kids.” Thuba was a family man, a
grounded one at that. “I'll come back.”
Me: “I guess I'll see you when he wakes up.”
Nathan: “Call us when he does.”
Nqobani: “I will.” We fist bumped and we left. I got home and I was met by my
mother’s cooking and Thingo snoring on the couch.
Nele: “Oh you back?”
Me: “What? When did you get here?” we hugged “And school?”
Nele: “Would you chill, I am only here for like two days, classes were cancelled
and it was best to spend my free time here. uBaba makes me work at the farm.”
We laughed
Me: “Serves you right.” I went to talk to my mother in the kitchen.
Ma: “How did the check up go?”
Me: “I am fine ma, even the tests confirmed that. You can go home now.” She hit
me with a dish cloth
Ma: “If you haven’t noticed you have a very pregnant wife, who is always tired.
You guys need me here.”
Me: “What about ubaba?”
Ma: “I asked Sbu’s wife to check up on him, he’s fine.”
Me: “Is the food ready, I am hungry.”
Ma: “In a few minutes.”
Thingo: “Oh you are back, how did the check up go?” she sighed “Please tell me
its good news otherwise, ngyayeka, I am just giving up. Hlangalezwe I am so tired,
my feet are killing me and my body is so heavy.” She was sobbing now, my wife
was really ugly when she cried, I never got used to it.
Me: “Come.” I walked us to the pool and I jumped in with her
Thingo: “Hlangalezwe!!” she wiped her face “My hair.”
Me: “Its not your hair, its fake.” I looked at her “Are you calm now?”
Thingo: “The water actually feels good.”
Me: “How about we pick a day and go for those couple massages you’ve been
begging me to go to.” She gave me the biggest smile
Thingo: “Really? You want us to go?”
Me: “Mmm. We’ll go.” It was for her she needed it. There was no way in hell I was
getting touched by people I didn’t know
Thingo: “Tomorrow Nyambose. Work can miss me, I am so over Delani and his
drama.”
Me: “Is he treating you bad?”
Thingo: “In a way, he’s just making things hard for me but I can handle it.”
Me: “Siphosethu you are lying.”
Thingo: “Its not a big deal Hlangalezwe, let it go. Lets go shower, I am hungry.”
She was changing the subject
Me: “…” I looked at her get out of the pool
Thingo: “So the check up?”
Me: “I am fine, everything is fine.”
Thingo: “I am glad.” She kissed me “We should start shopping for baby things. Do
you think Hlelo and Bheka are going to throw me a baby shower?”
Me: “Do you want one?”
Thingo: “Not from you but Hlelo and Bheka have to throw me one, its a must. If
they come to you for hints tell them I want a classy one.” I was so indifferent to
this conversation
Me: “Okay. I cant wait for my baby to get here.”
Thingo: “Its our baby Hlangalezwe.” She sulked. Oh my, this wasn’t happening.
Me: “Really, you are not going to make a thing out of this Siphosethu.”
Thingo: “Hlanga the baby is not even born yet and you have already forgotten
about me.” This is what I was dealing with a daily basis. Thingo was finding things
were there wasn’t anything “I feel like things are going change when the baby
gets here.” Was she kidding me, of course they were going to change.
Me: “Thingo lwam things are going to change, for the better. When the baby gets
here we’ll even be more united through our little one.”
Thingo: “Okay. I love you.”
Me: “I love you too. Come lets go change and eat the hell out of my mother’s
food.”
Thingo: “Its really great to have her here, life is so much easier.”
Me: “Well she’s not going anywhere.” We went to take a shower and she got into
her sleepwear and I wore sweatpants and a top and we had dinner with Banele
doing most of the talking. She seemed better after the incident, she even went
back to school and she was doing great so far. All was well at home and we later
went to bed.
NDUMISO
I slowly opened my eyes. I felt like I had been hit by a truck. Weird I thought, how
did I get to my bed? My next thought was a quick fix and maybe call Lebo so we
could hang out. What I had an IV on my arm. Next thing Nqobani walks in,
followed by Omuhle
Nqobani: “Good, you up.”
Omuhle: “I'll get started on breakfast.”
Me: “What are you guys doing here?”
Nqobani: “How are you feeling?” I got out of bed and took the IV with me and
started looking for my stash “What are you looking for?”
Me: “…” I swear I had it in my room. I went to the sitting room and Chance was
sleeping on the couch and place was squeeky clean. I looked at them
Omuhle: “Here’s some water I am sure you are thirsty.” I took the glass and I
indeed quenched my thirst. Nqobani woke Chance up and a few minutes later
Nathan came in followed by Sizwe and Sam. That wasn’t good, I knew what they
were here for and I was so irritable I needed a fix.
Sizwe: “Hey ntwana.”
Me: “Sure.” You should have seen the looks on their faces. It was looks of concern
and worry “I know why you are here.”
Omuhle: “Sit down and have breakfast Mthombeni.” She gave me my food and I
ate while everyone was watching tv “Coffee of juice?”
Me: “Coffee.” She plugged the kettle and I ate. It tasted so good, I hadn’t eaten in
days and I had been on a 3 day high. Hlanga entered and came to me
Hlanga: “How you feeling?”
Me: “I am not sick.”
Hlanga: “You were unconscious though.” Shit!
Me: “I am fine, this is helping.” I pointed the IV
Hlanga: “Omuhle can you give us space.”
Omuhle: “Sure.” She gave me my coffee and left. It was just Hlanga and I on the
kitchen counter.
Hlanga: “I have just one question for you and I am done.” I looked at him “Where
are you going with this behaviour?” where was I going? Why was I even back on
drugs?
Me: “Hlanga I am just tired my guy. I am tired of always being the one who cares
more, the responsibility always falls on me. First it was my dad leaving and
mother dealt with it using alcohol and ended up with 3 kids from different men
who also had an alcohol problem.” Next thing everyone came to the counter “I
had to take care of my sisters alone. Then the boys came Mpendulo’s mother is a
drug addict like me and Junior’s mother is dead. Its too much.” I also wanted to
add that I might have made a mistake about divorcing Omuhle so quickly. The
truth was I wasn’t ready for kids, I mean I had abandon the ones I have. “I have
reached my breaking point.”
Hlanga: “Guys can I have a moment with Ndu.” They all left “Lets go to the
balcony.” We took the walk there and the sun hit us hard but it felt good on my
skin. “My mother always says we don’t choose what happens to us but we get to
make a choice in how we react to it.” I nodded “I am a self-diagnosed functioning
alcoholic. I have anger issues and a whole lot other issues. My point Ndumiso is
whatever we go through at some point we need to take responsibility for our
actions. Yes your parents failed you but they didn’t put the drugs in your hands.
Think about it what would’ve become of your sisters had you not stepped up?
You did a great job at raising them and fighting for them don’t make it seem like it
was a bad thing.”
Me: “…” He was making so much sense. The people I was blaming for my
problems were dead.
Hlanga: “I have been behind a gun for as long as I can remember. First it was this
life, then my job and best believe it was never the life I had envisioned for
myself.”
Me: “Then why are you here?” why was he part of the gang then?
Hlanga: “I am trying to make you see that circumstances makes us who we are
but we still have a choice, we can change. I want to be here Ndumiso. So if you
feel like this is not the life you wanted then change it but one thing I know drugs
never lead to a better life.”
Me: “You have a point. To be honest I do not know what I want from life
anymore. Before Qophelo took me in, all I did was steal just to feed my family.
After I met him I could’ve gone back to school and made money legally you know
but I just went with the flow. Plus I was dealing with my demons back then to
think straight.” I already had a drug problem
Hlanga: “We all have demons Ndumiso.”
Me: “What are your demons?”
Hlanga: “My family is fucked up. When I was 7 years old I was molested by my
uncle until I was 10 years.” What??
Me: “No way!!”
Hlanga: “I hate talking about it. He did a lot of things to me, things I am not proud
of and I feel my wife should never know because she’ll look at me differently. He’s
dead according to Home Affairs but he sometimes shows up in my head. Hence
the violence and the anger issues.”
Me: “Hlanga I am really sorry man.”
Hlanga: “I don’t need your pity Ndumiso. I need you to not give up on yourself
just because you were dealt an unreasonable deck of cards. Yes you are a victim
but stop living like one because it will mean whoever you are angry at wins. And
what about your boys, you know they are watching your every move and they are
learning, is this the example you want to set?”
Me: “…” of course not.
Hlanga: “Think about that.” He left and in came Nqobani.
Nqobani: “Me being here just know that I am being a hypocrite. I promised
someone I love that I'll get help but I don’t think I am ready for that”
Me: “Help for what?”
Nqobani: “I have problems sleeping. I sometimes wake up in the middle of the
night having flash back dreams about my abusive father, the war zone and Mimi
and Njabulo’s death”
Me: “What?”
Nqobani: “We all have problems Ndumiso. If I could lay down my life for youd ask
me how I am still standing and ill tell you that its brotherhood like this one and my
sisters. We are not even related we were all raised by a kind man who felt sorry
for us but somehow they have made life worth it for me. So I am here to tell you
that you might have given up on yourself but I wont give up on you. You need to
fight and get back up because believe you me you matter and you are loved.”
Me: “Are you trying to tell me that you love me Grootboom?” we laughed
Nqobani: “Maybe I am but I mean leya ntombi yakwa Gumede.” He pointed at
Omuhle who was talking to Sizwe.
Me: “I fucked up, I don’t think she’ll forgive me. I have treated her so badly the
past year.”
Nqobani: “Get your shit together and fight to win her back. She’s here whereas
she could be somewhere else so there’s hope. But you first have to want to get
help so you can do the hard work.”
Me: “I want to get clean Nqobani. You guys being here woke up something in
me.”
Nqobani: “You need to look deep within yourself and find something to fight for
and hold on to.” I looked at him “I am fighting for 10 year old Nqobani who was
helpless at the hands of someone who was meant to protect him. Everyday I wake
up and vow to never inflict such pain in the people closest to me. So Ndumiso
who are you going to fight for?” Good question, who was I going to fight for? 8
year old Ndumiso who had to clean his mother’s vomit and give her a bath
because she had passed out or new born Ndumiso who was left by his father to
deal with everything that happened after he left? Know what, I will fight for both.
Me: “I'll have to think about it.”
Nqobani: “You do that.”
Me: “So are you going to go to the doctor?” I looked at him “I don’t think I'd like a
person I consider a brother to lie to the person he loves. In fact I wont let you!”
Nqobani: “That’s not fair, today was about you.”
Me: “You know I can hack your phone and tell her you lied.”
Nqobani: “Fine!” he bro hugged “I have your back.”
Me: “Thank you man.” He left and Nathan and Sizwe together with sam came. “I
know I promised to never sniff again.”
Sam: “And you were such a coward about it. You alienated everyone who actually
might give a fuck about you.”
Me: “I didn’t need your lecture, especially from you.” I pointed at Sizwe.
Sizwe: “All I want to know is are you getting help or are you going to carry on
killing yourself?”
Me: “I'll find me a rehab. After you’ve drafted guardianship papers for Omuhle.”
Sizwe: “Okay.” I turned to Nathan who didn’t look fine
Me: “Pierce!” he looked at me “Anything you want to say?”
Nathan: “You know where I stand with narcotics and substance abuse.” The idiot
didn’t even drink because he hated them “Whatever you need I'll help you
through this.”
Me: “Okay. This is not your fault Nathan. I did this, its all me. Yes we have our
conflicts and Omuhle is one of them but its all on me.” he was beating himself up
because we weren’t seeing eye to eye when I disappeared.
Nathan: “That doesn’t make me feel better Ndu.” Guilt was something else and
there was honestly nothing I could do besides kicking the addiction him seeing
progress.
Chance: “I am sorry for the way I acted that day.”
Me: “No hard feelings my guy, I was an ass.”
Chance: “We cool?”
Me: “We cool.” We shook hands “Thank you for coming and making me see
reason. I will kick this, I want to be better. You guys being here made me realize
how ungrateful I have been. So I'll start looking for a rehab facility and I'll keep
you posted.” They clapped their hands and came to hug me. Nqobani was right, I
mattered and I was loved.
Hlanga: “I am glad. I have to bounce.” I nodded “You know I got you.”
Me: “I know and thank you.” We fist bumped and he left. Everyone started
leaving and it was just Omuhle and I “You look good.”
Omuhle: “Thank you.”
Me: “Thank you for being here.”
Omuhle: “Are you really getting help or it was just get them to back off?” I guess I
deserve that
Me: “Lets find me a rehab facility now and I'll go in even tomorrow. I need my old
life back.” She smiled and went to fetch her tablet and we started searching. We
called 3 of them and only 2 had space so I took the one close by and it was just 30
minutes away. “Now that’s done, do you believe me?” she nodded smiling
Omuhle: “I am really proud of you Mthombeni.”
Me: “How are the boys? I know you see them everyday.” She really loved them, I
don’t know why I wanted to take them away from her
Omuhle: “They are fine but they miss you.”
Me: “Let me get clean first.” She nodded
Omuhle: “I wanted to wait for the right moment but I feel right now is the best
moment.” She took out a piece paper from his handbag and handed it to me. I
opened it and it was a scan “I am 2 and half months pregnant.”
Me: “What?”
Omuhle: “Its twins. Well it was triplets but I lost one.”
Me: “Are you serious?”
Omuhle: “Dead serious, heart attack serious. We are going to be parents.”
Me: “Those are the greatest news Omuhle.”
Omuhle: “So get better and we will do the whole coparenting thing together with
the boys. We are going be okay, I know its not ideal but we’ll make it work.” But I
wanted her back. I admit I really fucked up, shes not perfect and I was also far
from it but she’s been here offering her help where she could've just left me like
that. I admit, the divorce was a dumb move and her having the abortion was
justified. Would you have kept it had you had an unpredictable partner?
Me: “I am sorry for everything Omuhle, I was a jerk.”
Omuhle: “My therapist said to focus on positive things. Let the past go Ndumiso
we cant change it but we somehow can have a better future.”
Me: “You are right.”
Omuhle: “I propose friendship. I cant change the fact I was a bad wife to you but I
can be a best friend.” What? She was friend-zoning me now?
Me: “…” I didn’t want her to be my friend. I wanted my wife back, as spoilt as she
was but we were good together.
Omuhle: “Think about it.” She took her things “I have to go now, I'll come pick you
up tomorrow so I can drive you to rehab.”
Me: “Okay.” We hugged and she left. I was left with my thoughts again, all I
wanted was to sniff but I needed to fight it so I smoked a cigarette instead. I was
going to get better for my boys and the twins, wow life is something else. Just like
that I was a father of four, I wanted to dwell on the triplet that didn’t make it but
like my ex- wife said positive thoughts so I was really happy about the twins. I was
also going to kick my addiction to get my family back together but mostly like I
said before I was going to get clean and stay clean for 8 year old Ndumiso who
had to clean his mother’s vomit and give her a bath because she was passed out
drunk and new born Ndumiso who was left by his father to deal with everything
that happened after he left. He needed hope, that it does get better especially
with the friends I had. It was also time I reached out to my sisters, I had been
avoiding them for a while.
HLANGA
Me: “Baby, Siphosethu I am back!” I had just gotten back from Ndumiso’s
intervention. Ma and Banele were at the mall.
Thingo: “Coming.” She came down the stairs “Go fetch the bag on top of the
bed.”
Me: “What bag?”
Thingo: “Just go.” I went up and it was an over night bag. I took it and I found her
in the car “I asked for two days off at work, we are making a night out of this. We
are going to shop for a few baby things then our spa date and lastly we’ll spend
the night at the hotel and maybe even take advantage of you after a few cognac
shots.” I laughed at her and she wasn't joking
Me: “I am very weak after a few cognac shots.” We laughed
Thingo: “Just the way I like you, all weak and submissive.” She started rubbing my
thigh and it was a bad idea
Me: “We could go to the hotel now.” She laughed at me
Thingo: “Drive to the mall Hlangalezwe.” And I did and she started shopping for
white and green clothes. I wanted to take a few pink things because my baby girl
was going to look good in pink clothes.
Me: “Who said blue is for boys and pink is for girls, what if my boy looks good in
pink or my girl looks good in blue?”
Thingo: “Since I decide for him or her we’ll stick pink for girls and blue for boys.
When they old enough to decide they can have whatever they want. That’s fair
don’t you think?
Me: “I guess. After you done?”
Thingo: “yeah I am tired. We can go to the spa now, I need a full body massage
and you?”
Me: “I’ll see when I get there.” I drove us to her spa and we were attended to
immediately “Please take care of my wife, I am fine.”
Thingo: “But Nyambose it’s a couple’s treatment.” She was disappointed
Me: “Then you get double treated. You need the massage not me.” Did Thingo
honestly thing I'll let these people rub me?
Thingo: “Come this way so we can talk.” I followed her and she stripped naked
and I was already uncomfortable with these people touching my wife. She got
into her gown and and we went to some room, it was fancy. They started doing
their thing and we talked until she fell asleep, wow. After a while we left for the
hotel and it went down, all night long. Yes she took advantage of me like she had
planned, Thingo was a keeper man “I love you and thank you for today.”
Me: “You are welcome mamasekhaya and I love you even more.” We kissed and
we dosed of to lala land.
========
Lonhle: “Do you know why he called us?”
Me: “No idea.” We parked outside Nqobani’s penthouse and we took out the
drinks from the boot and we went in kicking doors, I am joking.
Nqobani: “Hawu nabo obafo (Here are the brothers)!” we laughed and bro
hugged
Lonhle: “Yin Bhungane, are you dying?”
Me: “You sounded serious on the phone.”
Nqobani: “It is. You two are my family and you matter to me.”
Lonhle: “Haibo, are you dying?”
Nqobani: “No. I don’t know how you are going to take this but Hlelo and I are
seeing each other. Have been from the time you said you fucked up, I just didn’t
know Hlelo and Gugulethu were the same person.”
Me: “Oh shit!!! How?” I laughed “This world is just not big enough.”
Nqobani: “Nathan asked me to help her out a while back and things started
happening. Lonhle mfethu, I didn’t plan this.”
Lonhle: “…” he was shocked as I was. Nqobani on the other hand had a blank face
“No!”he stood up “No! this is not happening. Just no!” he left and came back
“Why did you tell me this? Just no!” he took the car keys and left
Me: “Oh shit! Kanjan Nqobani?”
Nqobani: “I never saw it coming Hlangalezwe. She came out of nowhere and
everything fell into place. I thought maybe I was going to feel guilty after Mimi but
I didn’t, I love her man. I have no reason, I just do and she makes me happy and
puts me in my place.” I laughed. He really looked happy
Me: “I am happy for you my guy, you deserve this but uMaGumede I also didn’t
see you two coming.”
Nqobani: “uMpilonhle?”
Me: “He knows the truth, he fucked up. I mean given a scenario of a burning
building and Hlelo and Bokang both trapped inside, Mpilonhle would hesitate.”
my brother needed to grow up and be a man who knew what he wanted because
he can't have it all.
Nqobani: “What would you do?”
Me: “I am not hung up on an ex Bhungane. I don’t even know why you asked that
dump question, I would run through that fire for Thingo, I mean I am ready to kill
Delani Sokhulu for her.”
Nqobani: “I thought he was your lawyer?”
Me: “He’s fired now because I see right through him.” While we were talking he’s
phone rang and it was Hlelo, I could tell with the way he was smiling. I went to
fetch beer from the fridge and came back
Nqobani: “Thingo made her detail again even after I asked them to remove the
license plate. Hlangalezwe just tell her man! Or I will.”
Me: “You wouldn’t!!”
Nqobani: “Dare me!!”
Me: “Fine. I will.” I knew I had to. We carried on drinking and him telling me that
he came clean to Hlelo “You told her?”
Nqobani: “Yep and I slept on the couch after that.” Maybe it wasn’t as bad as I
made it out to be.
Me: “Are you guys fine now?”
Nqobani: “She just needs time to process but she’s slowly coming around.”
Me: “Okay I will tell her and hope for the best.”
Nqobani: “You do that or she’ll hear from me and it wont be pretty.” he wasn’t
joking about that.

»55«
THINGO
I was really enjoying work and I was learning a lot but Delani Sokhulu was proving
to be a problem, I'd like to say he was harassing me but I didn’t have proof yet,
obvious proof that is. I was a professional now so I had to trade carefully.
Me: “Mapule is it okay if I handle the other Sokhulu brother’s cases for the rest of
the week?”
Mapule: “Delani specifically asked for you Thingo for his cases.” I rolled my eyes
“He wants to mentor you Tee, this is a good thing.” It wasn’t. Delani was hitting
on me every chance he got and I was just so uncomfortable about it.
Me: “He’s been great but I also want to get a chance to work with Celani and see
how he works.”
Mapule: “He deals mostly with corporate and family matters but that’s a good
idea so that when you decide to specialize you will know exactly what you getting
yourself into.” She was right but the fucked up thing was, I was only interested in
criminal matters and that was Delani’s job.
Me: “Exactly, so please assign me to him for the rest of this week.”
Mapule: “Okay. Are sure you good, I mean you are preggers and …”
Me: “I am not sick, I am just hosting a baby. Are you not happy with my
performance?”
Mapule: “Of course not, I know you are fine, its my job to care about first years.”
Me: “Okay thanks, I will wait for your email then.” I left her and went to the toilet
to cry. I was going through a lot guys pregnancy hormones and my job were a lot
to deal with. Maybe Hlanga and ma were right, I should’ve taken time off but no I
wasn’t going to tell them that. After a few minutes I fixed myself up and returned
to my cubicle and I carried on working.
Delani: “How far are you with the Molato vs Miller case?”
Me: “Done.” I handed him the file
Delani: “And?”
Me: “It’s a matter he should’ve taken to the CCMA.” It was just an unfair dismissal
case
Delani: “I offered to help him. You are handling this one Thingo, lets go discuss
your strategy over lunch.” This what I was dealing with, Delani has even made it
hard for me to make friends at the office because it seems like he favours me
somehow.
Me: “Cant it wait until after lunch? I kinda had plans with a friend of mine.” I was
lying “Her dog died, you know white people and their dogs.” Dammit I make a
good lawyer
Delani: “Fine. I want you back here 14h00 sharp.”
Me: “Okay.” I took my handbag and drove to Hlelo’s job, she was my white friend
Hlelo: “You are lucky you found me here, I am due in court in an hour.” We looked
at each other and laughed “I know, we are lawyers now.” It was really crazy but
we seemed to be handling shit well. We had really grown with my friend.
Me: “Lets call Bheka.” We facetimed him with Hlelo’s phone since I owned a
Huawei.
Bheka: “Hey you two.” We screamed and everyone at the office looked at us,
clearly judging.
Me: “Why did you leave? We were supposed to be idreamteam eblind.” He
laughed
Hlelo: “We were going slay them ntwana.” We all laughed
Bheka: “I miss you guys so much, its crazy. I’ll come visit when I get time, the
family business is demanding hay.” He moved back home to help out in their
family business.
Me: “We’ll be in KZN this weekend, I am going to meet my father and you said
you want to come with.”
Bheka: “Even better. I’ll host you guys for the night.”
Hlelo: “Great. See you this weekend.”
Bheka: “Sharp.” We hung up and we carried on talking and me eating her lunch
and she just let me. Hlelo took a shit load of my crap without complaining hay.
Me: “Omg! Since you and Nqobani are together, we are so going to double date.”
Hlelo: “Buka la! Kuzobamnandin oe!” and she went full Durban bitch on me,
accent and everything. We laughed
Me: “Ksazobalit.” And she started dancing, Hlelo was too much of a happy girl
Hlelo: “I am talking about ama fine dining, couples retreat.” I laughed
Me: “Not Hlanga and Nqobani babes. They are so typical”
Hlelo: “Typical Zulu men.” She rolled her eyes “’Bow we need to change their
mindsets ngeke oe.”
Me: “Hlanga took me to the spa last week, it was meant to be a couples’ thing and
my husband told them to give me double treatment. Does that sound like
someone who will change his mind?” she needed to face the facts
Hlelo: “We don’t need them, we’ll take ourselves out.” We laughed
Me: “I really have to go now.” We hugged and I left. Delani and I got to come up
with a way to handle that case
Delani: “We have a deposition tomorrow and you will be taking the lead.” What!!!
Me: “I don’t think I am ready sir.” I wasn’t plus, I was all big and pregnant, I didn’t
have my killer confidence.
Delani: “Well I think you are. You will be fine, depositions are not intense like
court so I am not worried.”
Me: “Okay.” We carried on discussing the case until it was home time, man was I
glad? I went to pack my things.
Delani: “Let me help you with that.” He took my bag, he didn’t have to but he was
a man who didn’t take no for an answer
Me: “Thanks.” We got into the elevator and it was a bit awkward. We got to the
basement and he walked me
Delani: “If tomorrow goes well and you handle things like I know you will. We’ll go
out on a celebratory dinner.” There was no way in hell I was going to that dinner.
Hlangalezwe owns a gun so no!
Me: “Lets not count our chickens before they hatch please.” He chuckled and I got
into my car and drove home. On my drive home I got a call from my aunt, what?
“Hello.” it was a cold one
A.N: “Yebo Thingo, yimi uaunt wakho (Its me, your aunt).”
Me: “How are you aunty?”
A.N: “We are good.” She sighed “Thingo I need your help.” I am sure it killed her
coming to me for help. We all know it was about money.
Me: “How can I help you?”
A.N: “Snothi wants to go back to school. She found a space at a college in
Ladysmith.”
Me: “Wow! That’s great.” It was, Snothi needed to get her shit together. I mean
Aya was a 1st year already and my cousin had no direction.
A.N: “She's going to need to rent a place, money for food and transport.”
Me: “Okay I'll will talk to her so we can come up with an allowance.” Did my aunt
even care that I had a baby on the way?
A.N: “Okay thank you. uAyabonga uthi udinga icomputer naye and anginayo leyo
mali mina (she needs a laptop and I don’t have that money).”
Me: “I'll see what I can do.”
A.N: “Okay, ngyabonga (thank you)”
Me: “Okay. Aunty I don’t know if you’ve spoken to umalume about us going to
Nquthu this weekend?”
A.N: “I wont make it Thingo, I told Hlanga’s father that this weekend is not good
for me or for Sthelo.” That wasn’t a surprise. She just asked me for money but she
wont even support me. I honestly don’t know why I kept the hope that things
were going to change for my aunt and I. even the money I gave them was me
buying some love from her but she didn’t even try for me.
Me: “Okay.”
A.N: “Okay bye.” She hung up. I decided to lock whatever hurt I had far away
where its wasn't going to be found and I went into my house. Having my mother-
in-law around was great, she did all the house chores and the cooking and all I
had to do was eat and sleep, she really understood that I was tired. Why was I so
caught up on Aunt Nomusa’s love whereas Hlanga’s mother did more than she
should for me, have you ever heard of a mother-in-law taking care of her
daughter-in-law?
Ma: “You are back?” she was sitting on the couch reading her bible.
Me: “Yes. How was your day?”
Ma: “Same, same.” I sat down on the couch across her but she stood up “I went
to the mall with your husband and we bought you a foot spa.” She came back
with it
Me: “Can we plug it please. Thank you so much ma.” She laughed, I was so happy.
Ma: “You are welcome. Are you hungry?” I nodded “Okay let me go dish up for
us.” She plug the foot spa and went to dish up for us. I called Hlanga and told him
I was home
Hlanga: “Okay, I am on my way back.”
Me: “Please come back with an oreo Mcflurry for your baby.” he laughed
Hlanga: “Which baby?” I laughed, he’s so extra sometimes
Me: “For me, I am your baby.”
Hlanga: “uwuThingo lwam wena (You are my Rainbow), the baby is the one you
are carrying.”
Me: “Fine! A McFlurry for your Rainbow.” He laughed
Hlanga: “I got you mamasekhaya.” He hung up and ma came back with my food
and we ate
Me: “I was thinking of maybe giving birth in Durban and the baby and I spend
time at home with you while you help us out.” She smiled
Ma: “That will be great but talk to your husband first. I don’t mind helping you
guys out from here.”
Me: “I will talk to him but ma Tongaat is home for me and I want to give birth that
side.” I really didn’t want to give birth in Joburg
Ma: “Okay but you need to focus on this weekend.” I rolled my eyes inwardly of
course
Me: “Okay. Have you spoken to mamazi?”
Ma: “The Gumedes are available.” I nodded “They are really good people, the way
they took care of us when Hlanga was in hospital, I feel like they are the only
people we can trust right now especially after Themba’s attempted murder, we
cant trust the Mthethwa people.” Things were still bad after that incident. We do
not set foot in any of the other uncles’ houses
Me: “They are good people indeed.”
Ma: “Id really like to return the favour some day.”
Me: “Maybe we should buy them a gift or something.”
Ma: “That’s a good idea. I’ll make Ntandokazi a sishweshwe dress, how about
that?” she was a really good seamstress, she even went to school for it hay.
Me: “And a matching shirt for baba. It will be nice actually.”
Ma: “Okay. I'll order material so long, wena just find out their measurements.”
She was smiling this whole time.
Me: “Okay.” As we were talking Hlanga came in with McFurry ice cream for ma
and I. “Hey.” We kissed.”
Hlanga: “Thingo lwam.” he sat down “My father's girlfriend.” His mother laughed
Ma: “Mxm!”
Me: “Thank you for this.” I pointed at the foot spa
Hlanga: “Is it helping?”
Me: “A lot.”
Hlanga: “That’s good.” We kissed again. His parents didn't mind, they encouraged
it instead.
Ma: “Your food is in the microwave.” He stood up and went to fetch it. We
planned the coming weekend, we even called baba and all was well. We later
went to bed
=====
Friday came and we all gathered at my house and by we, I mean the Gumede and
the Mthethwa families. The plan was we were going to fly to Newcastle by private
jet and Bheka was going to meet us there with the necessary transport which was
a sprinter because there was a lot of us. This was a big deal and I have to say I was
nervous to the pit of my stomach
Me: “I don’t think I want to do this Hlangalezwe.” I really didn’t want to anymore,
a lot could go wrong. “What if they chase us away or they don't believe me?”
Hlanga: “That wont happen Thingo lwam and if they chase us away we’ll leave
and carry on living the life that we have. Thingo lwam I don’t know what we are
going to find when we get there but whatever it is you wont be alone. Have you
seen how many people are here to support you? Even The King is here for ‘Bow.” I
giggled, Sbonga cried when Hlelo said he was staying with the nanny, it was a
joke.
Me: “Okay. Nyambose I am scared, this is not some ordinary man. Its Inkosi of a
kingdom.” I think had it been some ordinary man it would’ve maybe reduced my
fears. “You don’t just ambush a man like that.”
Hlanga: “I know that’s why baba and Bab’ Gumede are already that side because
they understand the ways of amakhosi and what not. Thingo everything is going
to be fine.”
Me: “Okay. Thank you for everything, Hlangalezwe you do not understand how
much I am dependent on you. You feel for the both of us and you are also the
strong one.” He really did because I was always a mess
Hlanga: “In a marriage we rely one each other. You can rely on me on anything, I
will always be here for you and our family.”
Me: “I know and thank you.” We kissed and I closed our suitcase “All done.”
Hlanga: “I wanted you to take a look at this.” He showed me a plan, it looked like
a house plan “Nolwazi designed it for me.”
Me: “Okay, what it is?”
Hlanga: “Your dreamhouse. I found us a plot in Alberton.” I looked him “This is the
pond you wanted.” I smiled, he still remembers
Me: “Hlangalezwe why Alberton, I like it here?”
Hlanga: “Pond. I’ll take the bags to the car." Not having a pond wouldn't be the
end of the world and my baby might drown there, we needed to talk more about
this. I followed him downstairs after I wore one of my maternity dresses and
sleepers.
Me: “Can I have this little person.” I took Qhawekazi from her stroller “She has
grown so much and looking so nunus.” And the water works started. She looked
so much better, had you see her in hospital you wouldn’t have thought she’d ever
look this healthy but she was a tiny baby. She was sleeping so peacefully.
Mamazi: “All she does is eat and sleep, I am beginning to think I have no baby.”
we laughed “So are you ready for tomorrow?”
Me: “No.”
Hlelo: “Its nerve wrecking its understandable.”
Hlanga: “Everything is set, we should go.”
Mamazi: “Before we go, I think we should pray.”
Ma: “Impela.” She started a church song and we backed her up. Mamazi had a
hidden talent and after the song we prayed, I prayed for closure mostly. I prayed
that whatever I find there may I be able to make peace with it, good or bad. After
we all said our prayers the Gumede boys drove us to the airport.
Alime: “Whatever you find that side just know you have us as well.”
Lakhe: “What he means is, just because you are a princess you shouldn't forget us
peasants.” We laughed, these two were crazy.
Me: “Thanks guys.” We hugged
Ndalo: “Everything will be fine mama bear.” This triplet was different from the
other two.
Malo: “If you happen to have a sister just tell her, there’s a Gumede prince single
and available.” I laughed so hard
Me: “I will. Thank you so much guys. We’ll keep you posted.” We hugged “And
you?” I was talking to Simo
Simo: “I really want things to workout for you ‘Bow. I know the feeling of having
unanswered questions for half your life and I hope you find the closure you
need.” Wow! That got me emotional “The step you taking is very brave and I am
proud of you.” We hugged for way too long
Me: “Thank you.”
Simo: “Keep us posted then.” He walked me to the jet and helped me board it. I
was silent during that flight.
Sasa: “Mama bear.” She sat next to me “You seem down.”
Me: “There’s a lot on my mind. Thank you for coming.”
Sasa: “And miss the chance to meet a prince, kanjani oe (how friend)” I laughed.
Sasa was nothing like Hlelo and Musa and her husky voice made you want to just
listen to whatever crap she spoke about.
Me: “So how’s matric? Do you have a boyfriend?”
Hlelo: “Spill phela mntase.” She laughed
Sasa: “School is school man. You remember the guy I told you about?”
Me: “The dancer?” she nodded smiling
Sasa: “Well he finally asked me out and I said yes.” We screamed and clapped and
Hlanga and Lonhle were judging us. Lonhle couldn’t look at Hlelo ever since we
boarded, I felt for him. I wonder how things were going to workout with Nqobani
and Hlelo being Hlanga and I’s go-to people “I know, its been 2 weeks.” She really
liked the guy. I remember her coming to Hlelo and I for advice.
Hlelo: “I must say, the guy is so slow though. I mean you guys have been chatting
and hooking up for 6 months. Come on!”
Me: “For some people there’s no rush. Hlanga and I were friends for like 2 years
before we began something romantic.”
Hlelo: “What?? Ni strong yaz.”
Sasa: “That’s why you have a 5 year old son Hlehle uwu R Mashesha.” We laughed
so hard “Need I remind you, he’s dead.” She lifted her 3 fingers. I was dead from
laughter, Sasa wasn't normal.
Hlelo: “Hawu Sasa, I thought you love The King.”
Me: “Believe us we do but mnganam you are forward.” Hlelo had a baby with her
teacher, how forward can a person get?
Hlelo: “Mxm! Niyabhora shem (you guys are lame).”
Sasa: “I have to say this whole run around he gave me, it taught me patience
though. Hlehle I have never felt like this before, I mean I am not one to wait for
anyone. Vumani gets me, he understands me and all my drama.”
Hlelo: “Hayi phela wena, you are your mother’s daughter with being dramatic.”
We laughed and she wasn’t wrong. Sasa had a lot of mamazi in her. We carried on
gossiping and listening to Sasa’s dramatic life until we landed in Newcastle. I have
to say it helped me calm down and to not over think things. We found Bheka
waiting for us. They shook hands with Hlanga and Lonhle and he gave him keys to
our ride
Mamazi: “I booked us into the only hotel they have here. Obaba are on their way
here so everything is still going as planned.”
Ma: “Yes. We are going to have dinner as a family and go and rest.”
Me: “All I heard was dinner!!” They laughed and we went to check in.
Bheka: “So what time do we leave in the morning?”
Hlanga: “We’ll leave at 8am sharp. Angithi sonke sizwile (we are all aware)?”
Sasa: “8am is so early bhuti.” She was pulling his leg
Hlanga: “You will stay behind then” and he was done talking about this. We
laughed at him, Hlanga took himself too seriously sometimes. We settled into our
rooms and Hlelo and I bonded with our boy while we waited for obaba.
Hlelo: “Ntwana take us to your hood and maybe get us a plate or kota.”
Me: “I want ikota Bheka.”
Bheka: “Okay.”
Me: “Let me go talk to Hlanga first.” I left and went to find them at the bar “Bheka
is showing us his hood, call us when obaba get here.”
Hlanga: “Okay. Are you still fine?”
Me: “I am fine. Come here.” We kissed “I love you.”
Hlanga: “I love you too.” We hugged “Be safe.”
Me: “I will.” And we left. Bheka was giving us a tour basically. And he took us to
his favourite kota place, Hlelo and I indulge together with chicken gizzards
kebabs.
Bheka: “Stoney?”
Me: “Please.” He went to buy it for me
Hlelo: “He looks buffer.”
Me: “He does.” He came back “How are you finding being back here?”
Bheka: “Its intense. I am the eldest son so my fathers are grooming me to take
over and it’s a lot.”
Hlelo: “But you have time for the gym?”
Bheka: “Hlanga cant be the only beast here.” we laughed “I am a gym freak now.”
Me: “As long as you are happy.”
Bheka: “I don’t know hay.” He seemed different not just his body. We got the call
we were waiting for and he drove us back. We had dinner with the fathers, they
gave us a report back which was we are to come as early as possible. We later
went to bed and the following morning by 7am we all done and having breakfast
and we left at the time Hlanga specified. The trip to Nquthu was somewhat
intense. No one was talking
Me: “Why is everyone quiet? You are making me more nervous.”
Hlanga: “What do you want us to talk about?”
Me: “I don’t know.” I sighed “Whatever happens to today I’d like to thank you for
supporting me and being with me through this. I am really grateful and I
appreciate your support.” Hlanga hugged me
Hlanga: “Everything is going to be fine.”
Me: “You remember when you disappeared the week before our traditional
wedding?” he nodded brushing his head “I was feeling so many things during that
time but today its worse.”
Hlanga: “I am here for you.”
Me: “I know. We are still getting married after I give birth right?” he smiled
Hlanga: “Of course.”
Me: “Okay.” the car started moving slowly as we approached a big homestead. It
was beautiful, the houses I meant.
Baba: “This is the royal homestead.” The gate was opened by gaurds assumed.
Everything started moving in slow motion for me, my heart was beating so fast
Me: “Hlanga!!! I cant breathe!!!”
Hlelo: “Calm down Thingo.” She held my hand
Hlanga: “Breathe in slowly and out slowly.”
Mamazi: “Give her some water.”
Hlelo: “Breathe in and out.” I did that until I was calm. Hlanga handed me water
and I drank up. “You can do this.”
Me: “Whats the worst that could happen, right?” I tried to downplay it. The worst
that could happen was REJECTION.
Bab’ Gumede: “Are you feeling better?” I nodded “The only thing we have to fear
is fear itself. The nerves and fear make things worse than they really are. So calm
down and keep an open mind, whatever happens, happens. You did the best you
could Thingo lwenkosazane and that’s all you can do, the rest is waiting on the
other side of these walls and you have no control over it.” I hugged him and just
cried. Why wasn’t he my father instead, I thought.
Me: “Thank you so much.”
Bab’ Gumede: “Okay. Fix yourself up and lets go in, they are expecting us.” Sasa
handed me facial wipes and I wiped my face.
Hlanga: “Drink up again.”
Me: “Thank you.” After fixing myself up, we all went inside through a very nicely
decorated room. That room was the most cleaned room in that homestead you
could tell from its furniture to the smell of freshness. We were welcomed by 3
women and an old man who was sitting on his throne chair and younger boys.
Boy: “Oh Shit!!” he looked older than all of them
Old man: “Phili!” That was my mother’s name. What the hell?
Me: “Cha baba, mina ngiwu Thingo. Philisiwe was my mother.”
Old man: “Nkosazane yam.” What? He stood and came to me. “Call Nyawo!!!”
one of the women jumped and walked towards the door. A few seconds later a
man making very weird noises walked in.
Man: “The princess has entered the grounds!!! oZwide bayavuma!!!” he
enchanted and started burning incense. He came closer to me and the old man
who hadn’t stop smiling. “Show me your back.” Hlanga jumped. I was wear a long
maxi dress, there was no way in hell that was happening
Hlanga: “What, why?” he was worked up
Old man: “Boys show us your backs.” All the boys took off their tops and turned
their backs towards us, including the old man “The Nxumalo birthmark is at the
back right in the middle.” All the boys had it including the old man. I also had the
same mark
Me: “I have one but mine is in front.” I pointed at my belly because that’s where it
was.
Man: “She’s a princess, the opposite was going to happen."
Old man: “Are you sure Nyawo.” I had concluded that Nyawo was the man and
the old man was my alleged father
Nyawo: “Bavumile nkosi yam. The minute she entered something happened,
that’s why I am here.” Oh wow!
Old man: “I am Inkosi Phathisizwe Nxumalo. My word, you look so much like
Philisiwe.” We shook hands
Me: “Like I said she was my mother.” His face changed
Phathisizwe: “She never told me. She never said anything.” That was my mother
for you. My mother was something else yaz.
Me: “She never said anything about you either.”
Phathisizwe: “Nyawo told me about you, I cant believe you found me. I tried
looking for you after a series of dreams but I failed.” He hugged me.
Me: “Thanks to my family that is.” I pointed at them. He didn’t seem pleased “This
is my husband Hlangalezwe Mthethwa.” I started introducing him to everyone.
Phathisizwe: “Its nice to meet you all.” they shook hands “These are your real
brothers” one bye one he introduced them. I was relieved more than anything, I
had expected a different outcome. “Umzinyathi une nkosazane!!!” he clapped his
hands, he was really happy hay. “Everything will fall into place now. We have to
properly introduce you to your ancestors and have a change of surname
ceremony.”
Me: “That wont be necessary, I am a Mthethwa now.”
Phathisizwe: “oZwide don’t recognize that marriage.”
Hlanga: “What?”
Me: “What do you mean? I have been married for close to 5 years now.”
Phathisizwe: “oMfeka robbed me, they robbed me of the life I was meant to give
you, a royal life and you will get it because its your birthright and you are entitled
to it. As far as I am concerned you are not married.” He stood up and ordered
women around
Baba: “Hlangalezwe you need to calm down, we expected this and we will handle
it accordingly.”
Ma: “You better!! He is so rude Themba.” ma wasn't as calm as I expected her to
be.
Mamazi: “So what now?”
Me: “I am also confused.”
Hlanga: “Mxm!”
Me: “I think we should go.” We all stood up and we went for the door
Phathisizwe: “We need to discuss a way forward.” He looked at me “Nkosazane
yam this is your home, you belong here. I have missed so much of your life that I
cant afford to miss more.”
Me: “I am happy I found you but the people I came with are my family too. He is
my husband and id like for you to acknowledge that.”
Hlanga: “If I have to do things the right way with the Nxumalos, I am happy to.”
Phathisizwe: “Okay then. We first need to do a welcoming ceremony. My wives
will plan the whole thing.”
Me: “It will have to be after I give birth.” He nodded “Thank you.”
Phathisizwe: “What the princess wants, the princess gets.” Wow! You heard,
that’s my new favourite line now, haha. “Nina bo Nyambose you taking my
princess and you better come prepared.”
Baba: “Indeed!” they laughed, wow! They started talking about the history and
what not and I was over that. They served us delicious food and I ate all of it
Boy: “Hi.”
Me: “Hey” and he hugged me, okay
Boy: “I am Ntsika, your brother.” I nodded “I am happy you found him, he was
dying a slow death.”
Me: “I have to say I wasn’t prepared for any of this.”
Ntsika: “Embrace it. I am just happy I have a sister ill get to annoy.” We laughed
“How old are you?”
Me: “24 years old.”
Ntsika: “I am 23 years old. Mbusi is 26 years which part of Johannesburg are you
from?” he was very talkative and free
Me: “NorthCliff.”
Ntsika: “We stay in Fourways.” As we were busy bonding with my brother, hehe
Thingo had brothers guys like 7 of them. I felt good, I wont lie I was happy. My
father made it to us
Phathisizwe: “Whatever he’s telling you, he’s lying.” They laughed and I giggled
“Give us some space Ntsika.”
Ntsika: “Lets exchange numbers.” We did and he left. My father was busy staring
at me and smiling
Phathisizwe: “I am happy you are here, a part of me is sad that you already belong
to another family. But I will take whatever I am given, I didn’t handle the situation
with Phili like a man should’ve.”
Me: “I don’t think the past matters much now. I want us to focus on the future.”
Phathisizwe: “You are right. I want to make this work, I want to be your father.”
He was kinda demanding and I giggled
Me: “Okay.” he hugged me
Phathisizwe: “You know when Phili sang, the whole room stood still and I’d get
goosebumps.” He definitely knew my mother.
Me: “I know, she was the best and she passed on that voice to me.” he was just
smiling.
Phathisizwe: “Good! Now sing for me.” we laughed and I started singing “She
loved that song.” it was Whitney Houston- The Greatest Love
Me: “She loved Whitney Houston.” We laughed again. It was really nice being
there and it seemed as though he was accepting of me. We spent most of the day
at the homestead and in the early evening we left after meeting the rest of the
family. My brothers and I exchanged numbers and planned to meet up in
Johannesburg with the ones in Johannesburg. After everything I’d rate that a
good day even though my father seemed unreasonable about my marriage, he
was really hostile.
Phathisizwe: “I will be calling you everyday.” We were hugging “Thingo lo
Zwide!!” Wow, okay.
Me: “I will be expecting your call.” I giggled and he smiled. After that tiring day we
left and boarded the jet back to our lives. A weight was lifted off my shoulder, I
felt better somehow. That day and everything that happened was the closure I
needed. I had been angry at the wrong guy, my mother was the one who did both
my father and I wrong. The sad thing was she wasn’t around to answer for herself
and you cant really be mad at a dead person. I had to move on and rejoice about
my new found family. They were really great and they received me with open
arms. Now tell me did I need Nomusa and Sthelo?
======
Hlanga: “Mamasekhaya.”
Me: “Mmm. Is everything okay?”
Hlanga: “We need to talk?” it was bad news, his face said it all.
Me: “Okay.” we sat down on our bed. “Talk to me Nyambose.”
Hlanga: “I haven't been honest with you. Please don’t take this the wrong way, I
love you Thingo and you are my world. My day starts and ends with you Thingo
lwam.” I took his hands
Me: “Whatever it is we’ll get through it Hlanga, we’ve been through worse.”
Hlanga: “I am a gang leader Thingo. It’s the reason why I got shot. You remember
I told you once a gangster always a gangster.” Was I hearing things, did he say
gang leader?
Me: “…” the room started getting smaller and he was disappearing in front of my
eyes suddenly everything went dark...

»55«
CONTINUED
NATHAN
Things were slowly falling apart and none of us were brave enough to admit it.
Clients were pulling out and we were losing money and power fast
Chance: “Nathan its time we face the facts.”
Me: “I know.”
Chance: “How did your meeting with Viper go?”
Me: “That idiot doesn’t want us to meet. He has a hand in this somehow, I just
know it.”
Chance: “The question is how? Do we have a mole again?”
Me: “Its possible but who? Why would Viper want to take me down, we agreed to
stay out of each other’s way. The bigger question here is, why now? He could’ve
taken me down before we merged, I was less connected and less powerful back
then.”
Chance: “I care more about how we are going to react, what is the way forward
Pierce?”
Me: “I honestly don’t know.”
Chance: “Bring in the calvery then. We cant lose Nathan, I refuse to accept that.”
He was talking about the 5 men “They were great help before.”
Me: “Lets wait for Ndu to come back then we’ll handle this mess.”
Chance: “I can work with that.”
Me: “At least we dealt with Mxolisi, one less thing to worry about?”
Chance: “I say good riddance to bad rubbish!!” I chuckled “Whats the situation
with Lwando?”
Me: “I am meeting up with him after this, I hope he has good news.”
Chance: “Lwando has handle a lot of our messes. He deserves a seat at the adult's
table don’t you think?” That wasn’t a bad idea actually.
Me: “The question is, does he want it?”
Chance: “I am going with you to that meeting and I will ask him myself.”
Me: “Let's get going then.” We took our things, we were actually sitting at his
favourite tavern, Thuba was a kasi man, everything about him screamed kasi. I
drove us to Lwando’s place. We found him playing video games.
Lwando: “Good you here. Is the jet ready?” we bro hugged “Thuba.”
Chance: “Heita.” They shook hands and we sat down.
Me: “Like you requested. You have an hour.”
Lwando: “You are driving me to the airport.” I nodded
Me: “So how did the hearing go?”
Lwando: “Well as expected. I have to say I framed him real good, he wont be able
to redeem himself.” We laughed. Lwando came up with the idea of setting up
Mxolisi and making it seem like he was actually working with me, the man he was
trying to take down. The department couldn’t afford to let such happened.
Mxolisi “resigned” because of the damning evidence against him.
Chance: “Job well done Sergeant Nkosi.” He gave us a salute and we laughed “We
have worked so well with you, I know originally you’ve always been Nathan’s
inside man from Durban and now this side.’
Me: “Just get to the point Thuba man.”
Lwando: “Le chap thetha gqithi(talks too much)” we laughed
Chance: “Tsek!!! We want to offer you a seat at the adult's table.”
Lwando: “What? No way!!”
Us: “Way.”
Lwando: “I accept. You guys have eyes everywhere now, I have a lot of pull in the
SAPS.”
Me: “Trust me I know. You have saved us from a lot of messes Lwando, you
deserve a piece of the pie.” We shook hands
Lwando: “1 thing before we move forward”
Us: “Sure.”
Lwando: “Stop fucking up so much!” we laughed
Chance: “You say it like we plan to fuck up.”
Me: “This game is unpredictable Lwando.”
Lwando: “Believe me I know. Lets get going Pierce my mama is waiting for me.”
Chance: “You headed home?” he nodded “Where’s home?”
Lwando: “eMonti.”
Chance: “AmaXhosa thinking we speak the same thing.” He took out his and
pulled out a map “Show me iMonti apha?” Lwando cracked up so much
Lwando: “Mxm!! Sisbhanxa Thuba man!” he took his bag and we drove him to the
hanger “I’ll see you when I come back.”
Me: “How long is your leave?”
Lwando: “A month but I’ll probably be back before that. If you guys need me call
me and I’ll be back ASAP”
Chance: “Hamba mama’s boy.” We laughed and fist bumped and he boarded. I
drove Thuba home and we found Dimpho playing with the kids in the street,
Chance joined them, they were jumping rope.
Dimpho: “Hey Nathan.”
Me: “Dumela ausie, le kae?”
Dimpho: “Ha monate ntate. le lapa lea phela hantle?” she lost me and they
laughed with her husband
Me: “Please don’t swear at me.”
Dimpho: “Mo Zulu ona was just like you, he had that same face whenever I spoke
Sesotho to him.”
Chance: “Her and her sister used to gossip about me, right in front of me. Sotho
people aren’t loyal my friend.” We laughed
Me: “It was nice seeing you guys.” I left and I drove home and I was met by Lethu,
Jay and Sbonga
Lethu: “Bhuthi can I have a bike.” Sbonga was riding the bike in the yard, he must
have came with it.
Sbonga: “Firstborn buy Lethu and Jay-Jay bikes so we can ride together.”
Me: “Tell the person who bought your bike to buy Lethu and Jay-Jay bikes as well
KingMaker.”
Sbonga: “Hayi hayi Firstborn Papa buys things for me.” what?
Me: “Who’s papa now?”
Sbonga: “Papa.” I wasn’t going to win this one. My boy was busy running after
Sbonga, I had to get those bikes.
Me: “Come lets go buy the bikes then.” I went inside to change car keys and call
Sonke. I found Hlelo and Azande cooking “Whoever papa is, I have to meet him.” I
pointed at Hlelo She covered her face defeated
Hlelo: “Firstborn we need to talk.”
Me: “I am coming back. I have to get the boys bikes. Where's Sonke, does she
want one?”
Azande: “If Lethu has one, she’ll want one.” I shouted for her to come down and
she came running.
Me: “We going to the mall.”
Sonke: “Yay! Lets go bhuti.” She didn’t even ask what we are going to do. I drove
them to the mall we looked everywhere Jay's tricycle because tricycles where in
high demand apparently. We finally found one for Jaden and bought it and we
left. Everyone was happy and playing well with Vicky watching them.
Me: “Is the food ready?”
Hlelo: “Yes it is.” She came with a dish with water and a cloth. I usually get this
treatment from my Zulu wife. She served me my food and I indulged
Me: “What did you want us to talk about?”
Hlelo: “Please don’t freak out.” I nodded “Firstborn you are my big brother and I
love you for that but I want you to understand that I am an adult now and I make
my own decisions. And this has nothing to do with you."
Me: “Just get to the point Gugulethu.”
Hlelo: “Nqobani is papa!!”
Me: “…” I looked at her, was she serious? “Wena no Musa niyangjwayela yaz!!
Get out of my face Gugulethu.”
Hlelo: “Bhuti” she said in a squeaky voice.
Me: “Don’t Bhuti me! I am eating and I’d like to eat in peace.”
Hlelo: “Bhuti I love you.”
Me: “Mxm!!” I didn’t know what to feel. All I could think of was that, the last
girlfriend Nqobani had was dead and I couldn’t let that happen to Qophelo’s
daughter. No actually Qophelo wasn’t going to let that happen to his princess. I
stood up and went to find Hlelo who was helping Jay with his tricycle.
Hlelo: “Bhuti.”
Me: “I am telling Qwabe about your relationship with a friend of mine.”
Hlelo: “Nathan that’s not fair.”
Me: “Life aint fair Gugulethu!” I left her standing there shocked and out of words.
I wasn’t even going to deal with Nqobani, Qophelo was going to do that for me.
Hlelo and Sbonga spent the night with us and it was so loud because the rode
those bicycles in the house.
=======
Me: "Harry I need you to handle this for me." Azande and Phiwe decided to have
a dinner thing. And I decided to use it to my advantage and ask a favor from a
good friend of mine.
Harry: "Aah Nathan. The plan was to retire early and devote my time to Simphiwe
and the kids."
Me: "Okay, please just get the ball rolling and then we'll work on finding your
replacement." It seemed as though he was thinking about it "You are really good
at handling restructuring Harry."
Harry: "I know I am the best. Here's what's going to happen I'll come up with my
own remuneration package."
Me: "Sold!"
Harry: "Then I guess I am the new CEO of Sibeko Coal. First things first we are
changing the name."
Me: "Definitely!" We laughed and went back to join Phiwe and Azande
Harry: "I never saw you settling down. Commitment scared you even back in
varsity." We laughed, he wasn't wrong, I always went for the unavailable girl.
"Azande is wonderful."
Me: "She's is amazing. I do not know how I won her. I was so nervous, I felt like I'll
say the wrong thing."
Harry: "The right one always makes one nervous."
Me: "I remember how nervous you were when Phiwe asked for the time." We
laughed
Harry: "That was many millenniums ago. Now I order her around because I run
the house now." I laughed
Me: "Who are you trying to fool, you agreed to a double dinner date. Vusi you
hate dinner dates."
Harry: "It wasn't dinner dates with Phiwe's fake friends and their boring
husbands, it you, of course I was going to come." I laughed "Plus Phiwe is
obsessed about your wife."
Me: "What?"
Harry: "Simphiwe is a groupy man, uyamaz." I laughed. Harry and I were anti
social since from back in the day.
Me: "Azande is a people's person. I hate it." We laughed.
Harry: "They're going to get along just fine then."
Azande: "We can hear you talk about us."
Harry: "We wanted you to hear vele."
Me: "We don't gossip."
Phiwe: "Mxm! I was thinking maybe we should go on a couple's get away. It
would be so much fun."
Azande: "That's not a bad idea but I am planning a wedding and Nathan is
planning our honeymoon." What? No I wasnt
Me: "Of course."
Azande: "We'll see after the wedding mess but we definitely going." Harry and I
looked at each other. We didn't have a choice anyway. The dinner was great and
all went well.
Harry: "Thank you for hosting us Mrs Pierce, you were great."
Azande: "It was nice to finally put a face to the name. Thank you for coming."
Phiwe: "Dinner is at my house next time."
Azande: "Definitely." They giggled, they hugged and they left.
Me: "How wined up are you, on a scale 0-5?" She giggled
Azande: "4."
Me: "Let's take advantage of that mama wezingane zam." And my wife pulled me
to our room and we did filthy things to each other. "I love you mama ka Buhle."
Azande: "Ngyakthanda nam."
Me: "You seem far away Azande, is everything okay?" Something was off with
her, she was tense.
Azande: "I am fine. Let's sleep." I wasn't convinced at all. And we slept.
======
Me: “Baby whats wrong?” my wife had been weird for weeks now and I had been
giving her the space to come to me and let me in but it didn’t happen “You are
not fine so please don’t lie.”
Azande: “Nathan did you kill Caleb Sibeko?” Wow! Mxolisi was back in our lives
Me: “I thought we agreed that you’ll stop entertaining your ex Azande.”
Azande: “He came to me at work Nathan. I didn’t do anything wrong.”
Me: “You entertained him Azande, don’t you see that he is using you to get to
me.” I sighed “What did he say this time? You know what, I don’t care, Azande
you held my hand and told me you accept me the way I am and what I do. I
promised to keep things normal for you and be your husband and I did, I am all
that. So tell me why am I suffering, why are we back here again?”
Azande: “Nathan he said I sleep with a murderer and said you are a monster.” She
was crying now.
Me: “What do you think being a gangster is Azande?” was my wife really that
naïve?
Azande: “I don’t know Nathan, I don’t understand your world.”
Me: “You are right, its my world and you don’t have to even think about it.” it
wasn’t her business anyway.
Azande: “Nathan I don’t think I am okay, emotionally that is. Mxolisi got into my
head and I can’t shake the thought and the feeling that you are capable of taking
a life.” Are you kidding me? That day it dawned on me. My wife wasn’t strong
enough to be a gangster wife and it wasn’t her fault.
Me: “We are getting married in a month Azande. You cant afford to have doubts.”
Azande: “No we are not, not like this Nathan.” I saw this coming
Me: “Okay.” she was shocked and I was serious “I am done fighting you Azande.
Mxolisi won, he broke us up.”
Azande: “Nathan we are not breaking up, I just …”
Me: “You just need time, right?” she nodded “Well I don’t have any more time to
give Azande. You were never going to accept me. Even if I was a pastor you were
going to find something else wrong with me, you always had one foot out the
door anyway.”
Azande: “That’s not true Nathan.”
Me: “Its in the past and it doesn’t matter. Here’s whats going to happen now. We
go 50/50 on everything I mean school fees, monthly expenses and whatever the
kids ask for in the middle of the month tell me how much my half is and I will play
my part. As far as I am concerned its over, theres no gangster in your life. You are
free.”
Azande: “What? Nathan I cant afford this lifestyle.”
Me: “Then you will break the news to the kids about the changes, tell me how it
goes. I moving back to the poolhouse willingly.” I left her standing there. Was it
really over? OH HELL NO! Azande just needed tough love.
THINGO
I slowly opened my eyes and a bright light blinded my vision. There was a beeping
sound, it sounded like a machine and then there was a distincitive smell, I was
very much familiar with it. It was the hospital smell. I eventually got used to the
blindling light and I opened my eyes and I was meet by Hlanga staring at me.
Hlanga: “Thingo lwam.” he jumped and came to hug me
Me: “My head hurts.” He let go of me and pressed a button “What happened,
why am I here?” I touched my belly “Is the baby okay?” I was panicking, and my
doctor entered just in time.
Dr: “How are you feeling?”
Me: “My head is heavy.”
Dr: “You are under a lot of pressure and stress Miss Mfeka and that caused you to
faint.” She was busy touching me and shining a light a bright light in my eyes “I am
worried. Do you remember what happened?” I shook my head “What do you
remember?” I sighed and looked at Hlanga who was clearly worried.
Me: “My family and I went to KZN, I went to meet my father. I think I fell asleep
on the way back.”
Dr: “Is that it?”
Hlanga: “Is that all you remember?”
Me: “What day is it?”
Dr: “Monday.” She wrote something on my chart “I am keeping you here until I
have done further tests by the looks of things we might have to deliver this baby
early.” She left and I was left with the gangleader, nxa! And yes I am faking
memory loss because I fail to understand why Hlanga would not tell me about this
when we first got married. I was nipples deep into that marriage now so I didn’t
have the luxury to just leave him. The other thing was he was my life-line and I
loved him.
Me: “Please call Hlelo for me.”
Hlanga: “Okay.” He looked at me “You really don’t remember anything after we
came back from KZN?”
Me: “I don’t, I still don’t understand why I am here.” I was going to fake memory
loss until I am ready to deal with him accordingly.
Hlanga: “You fainted while we were talking yesterday.” I guess it was from the
shock. What would you do if you woke up one day and your husband of 5 years
tells you he’s a gangleader, trust me you wouldn’t throw a party for such news.
Me: “After that whole scene with the Nxumalos I guess it was the after effects.”
He nodded doubtingly. “Lets see what the tests say.”
Hlanga: “Okay. You really scared me.” he didn’t seem okay and I wanted the guilt
to eat him alive vele.
Me: “I just hope the baby is fine, early labour is risky.”
Hlanga: “Calm down Thingo lwam, don’t stress yourself.”
Me: “Hlanga I fainted, I am in hospital and you heard what the doctor said, shes
worried so please don’t tell me to calm down.” I wanted to add more and ask
couldn’t he wait to tell me these news after I gave birth because I really didn’t
need to know, it wasn’t urgent I felt. “Just call Hlelo and I want something sweet,
maybe yoghurt.” I was a little pissed and he was aware.
Hlanga: “Okay.” He came and kissed my forehead and left. The doctor came back,
like she was waiting for Hlanga to leave.
Dr: “Your husband wasn’t necessary forthcoming with what caused you to faint
but your blood pressure is alarming Miss Mfeka and if you two were fighting that
could be the stressor. I’d really like for you two to sort things out but I am keeping
you here until your BP normalizes.” I nodded “He also told me you are working, I
am booking you off until you give birth. From now on you are on bed rest.”
Me: “I think I was too proud to admit it, I needed to take things easy.”
Dr: “If you do that you might be out in a day or two and we’ll have a normal
birth.”
Me: “Okay, I'll take it easy I promise.” She nodded and left. I was left with my
thoughts, I was going to have a normal birth and to have one I needed to deal
with the stressor and that was my husband, he was my stressor. He came back
with a fruit basket and I dealt with it. After a while Hlelo came, she was from work
Hlelo: “Mama Bear.” We hugged “I came in the morning and you were still out of
it. How are you feeling?”
Me: “I don’t know.”
Hlelo: “Bhuti tells me you don’t remember anything from yesterday.”
Me: “Lutho (Nothing). I am scared Hlelo.” She hugged me, I felt bad for lying to
her but Hlanga was just outside he could’ve been listening to us.
Hlelo: “Give it time, its going to be okay. A lot happened during the weekend and
plus you are not your normal self, its understandable.” She was so understanding,
I was really lucky to have her as a friend. We sat and she was busy encouraging
me until she had to go fetch Sbonga from school
Me: “Thank you for coming.”
Hlelo: “Always. Get better okay, I love you.”
Me: “I love you too.” We hugged and she left. I didn’t know friends could show
affection until I met her. Hlelo hugged and was expressive and I was the total
opposite until I started understanding it was normal and it was okay.
Hlanga: “The doctor says to just take it easy, you are going to be fine
mamasekhaya. We’ll get through this.” He sounded so sincere, like he didn’t just
put the baby at risk.
Me: “I want to lie down.” he took the fruit basket from the bed and I covered
myself with the cover and cried. Why would he do me like this, Hlanga almost
died and I was going to die with him. To know that he signed up for it, that he was
willing to risk his life like that on purpose, it hurt me. I had to accept that he was
in the military as much as South Africa wasn’t in war, they went to help other
countries that were in war and he could’ve died there but it was his job and it was
a noble thing, so I couldn’t be angry. This was different, he was a gangleader for
fuck sakes and that meant he inflicted pain and chaos, I hate him!! I was sobbing
loudly now and he came to lie beside me, he held me tight. I hated how it
comforted me, his arms felt like they always did. They still felt like my beast’s
arms.
======
Ma had been in KZN since after we went to meet my family so she wasn’t around
to know what was going on but I needed her, she always knew how to calm me
down and take care of me. So I was going to her and lucky for me I was okay after
I spent 3 days in hospital
Dr: “We are six weeks away from your due date, you want to give birth in KZN you
said?”
Hlanga: “What? We didn’t talk about this.”
Me: “A lot was going on but that’s what I want Hlanga.” I batted my eyelashes
Hlanga: “Okay.”
Dr: “Okay, I guess we’ll have to make arrangements for that. We’ll be fine.” Those
were great news “All is well. I guess I'll see you in 2 weeks.”
Me: “Okay. Thank you.” We took our things and left. “Can I borrow your phone.”
He gave it to me. I booked myself a ticket to Durban and I texted Sandile to fetch
me, he was always available. I also called ma
Ma: “Siphosethu. Is everything okay?”
Me: “Everything is fine ma. I called to tell you I am on my way.”
Ma: “Hawu yini? I was going to come back tomorrow.”
Me: “Nothing, I am on my way. I will see you in a few hours, bye.” I hung up.
Hlanga: “You going home?”
Me: “I am, I just don’t feel safe here. Joburg is just stressful, maybe I'll even go
visit Phathisizwe.” I wasn’t comfortable to call him dad or baba or whatever yet.
Hlanga: “Oh. Do you want me to drive you?”
Me: “No I booked a flight and Sandile will pick me up.”
Hlanga: ‘What about me Siphosethu?”
Me: “What about you Hlanga?”
Hlanga: “Nothing.” He carried on driving. We got home and I started packing, I
took the biggest suitcase from the set after packing I went to make him food. He
was still my husband at the end of the day and I loved him. Sandwiches were the
only thing I could make
Hlanga: “Thank you.”
Me: “I'll drive to the shopping centre and get a few things before I leave.”
Hlanga: “That wont be necessary, I am going with you. I changed your flight.”
Me: “Hlanga I need space!!” I snapped
Hlanga: “Space from what, Space from me?”
Me: “Space from everything Hlanga, please understand where I am coming from.”
Hlanga: “That’s the thing, I don’t understand Siphosethu. You just doing as you
please without talking to me first.”
Me: “Fine!! I remember, I remember everything. But I don’t want to talk about it
and I do not want you near me Hlangalezwe right now. Now give me some space
please!!” I went to charge my phone
Hlanga: “I get that you are angry and you have every right but …”
Me: “But nothing, but fucken nothing Hlangalezwe. You lied to me for 5 years and
not only that you chose the worst time to clean. You risked our baby for what, for
what?”
Hlanga: “Thingo lwam I am so…”
Me: “Save it Hlangalezwe!! I don’t want to hear it. I am leaving and you are not
coming with.” I called a cab
Hlanga: “I will take you to the airport.” I cancelled the call and he pulled my
suitcase all the way to the car and we left with neither of us saying a word. After I
checked in he walked me to the boarding gate
Me: “Thank you.”
Hlanga: “Call me when you get home.”
Me: “Okay.”
Hlanga: “I love you.”
Me: “…” I looked at him
Hlanga: “That will never change Thingo lwam.”
Me: “I have to go.” I walked away with a broken heart. I was so lost, Hlanga was
my life line so just imagine the damage when your life-line fucks you over. I
landed in Durban and I was met by Sandile and we drove home. Ma had already
cooked, she and Banele were waiting for me with all my favourites.
Nele: “Ma told me you are planning on giving birth this side.” She was really
excited “OMG!! Siphosethu I am going to spoil the baby rotten.” I laughed
Me: “I believe everyone is on a mission to ruin my baby at a young age.”
Ma: “That’s my first grandchild so be ready to raise a spoilt brat wena.” These
people, I was worried actually. Being home felt good after I ate, I called the
gangleader
Hlanga: “Thingo lwam!! Mamasekhaya I cant lose you.” He was drunk
Me: “I hope you didn’t break anything in my house Hlangalezwe!”
Hlanga: “Ngyathanda mfaz wam, ngyaxolisa I know I should’ve told you sooner.”
He was really out of it and it had only been 3 hours since I left him.
Me: “Bye. I called to tell you I am safe.” I hung up and I went to shower and sleep.
====
Aya: “Thank you so much mzala.”
Me: “Why didn’t you say anything Ayabonga?” the state of her room, it was
shocking.
Aya: “Tee you are married now and you have a life of your own. I just didn’t want
to bother you.”
Me: “Id rather spend my last cent on you Aya then Snothi because I know you will
appreciate it and you will use it wisely. So whenever you need anything call me
and I will make a plan, okay.” My cousin was living a life I didn’t envision for her.
She only survived on her bursary money and that wasn’t enough for everything.
She studying engineering at UKZN and she stayed at res. I understood that not
everyone was lucky enough to have a Hlanga in their lives but I feel, if the
situation required, I could’ve been a Hlanga for someone else and that was my
Aya. She didn’t have bedding on her bed, all she had was a blanket that was a gift
from the Mthethwa family on my wedding, I remember it. She only had one pot,
spoon, cup and plate. “I feel so bad, Aya we talk everyday and you always say you
are fine.” I started crying, my cousin didn’t have underwear guys and you
should’ve seen her roommate’s side of the room. The girl had everything, she
even had a blender and Aya didn’t have a kettle, she boiled her water with a pot.
Aya: “Its not your fault Tee. I make it work, I am here for school so if I have food
and an outfit I am good.” I didn’t believe that I was a student like 5 minutes ago, I
knew the pressures.
Me: “Yaz I was here to give you the laptop I had promised Aunty to buy for you.” I
stood up "Come we are going to the mall, you will deal with that laptop and
printer when we come back.” She got dressed and we left. I drove us straight to
Makro I bought her everything from kettle to study lamp to little oraments for her
room to look homey. After Makro we went to the mall. I bought her bedding and
clothes “Just because you have 3 sets of bedding doesn’t mean you shouldn’t
wash it Aya.” She laughed “I am serious. Do you also want a blender?”
Aya: “Blender yan mzala?” we laughed
Me: “I saw that your roommate has one.”
Aya: “No I am fine.”
Me: “Awufuni iPhone?” I was doing this out of guilt now plus I was using the
gangleaders bank card so I was swiping it without a conscious.
Aya: “No I want a Samsung.”
Me: “Okay we’ll check them out after I have rested, I need to sit down and eat.”
She just smiled and we went to the foodcourt, steers made sense. We had lunch
with her filling me in about her family
Aya: “Mama and Snothi are a team and I just feel left out. After you left Tee things
really changed hay.”
Me: “I am sorry. Tell you what whenever you need a break call me I will fly this
side or you will come because there’s a baby in the picture now. We will carry on
being the team we’ve always been.”
Aya: “Id really love that besides you and Sne I have no friends hay.” Sne being
Nqobani’s sister who was studying in Joburg. I wonder why she didn’t choose
Johansesburg if we were her friends.
Me: “Well more reason to come that side.”
Aya: “I will come as often as I can and tell the baby the stories you used to tell me,
I really missed them.” We laughed that was a long time ago man. Life had really
changed for me well for us.
Me: “Please!! We’ll call you, so you can tell them through the phone mzala.” We
laughed, I really missed her hay. Aya reminded me of the simple things in life.
After lunch we went phone shopping
Aya: “Yoooh mzala you have already done so much for me, the laptop and the
printer plus the money you just spent, I really don’t need a phone.”
Me: “S9+? I like it for you.” If anyone who deserves being spoilt was Ayabonga
and I was on a mission to piss Hlanga off “We’ll take the S9+, cash.” I know! The
sales person handled our purchase and we went to set up her room. She was so
happy and that’s all I wanted for her
Aya: “Thank you so much Tee.” She hugged me.
Me: “There’s free wifi right?” she nodded “Okay. Aya I do not want you to feel like
you don’t have anyone. If I am going to rent Snothi a flat, and give her an
allowance, you also deserve just as much. You are both my cousins but with you I
know I am investing.” I was sitting on her bed now because I was tired and Aya
was setting up her laptop
Aya: “Thank you mzala. I wont disappoint you, I know why I am here.”
Me: “We are going to have an engineer in the family.” I clapped my hands. We
carried on talking and laughing
Aya: “So I met my father.”
Me: “What?”
Aya: “Well I didn’t necessarily meet him. I went to his church 3 Sundays back.”
Me: “And?”
Aya: “He gives one hell of a sermon that’s for sure. I was ready to repent.” She
laughed at her own joke “I am the spitting image of that man Tee. No wonder
Sthelo was never around, I was reminder that mama cheated.” She made it sound
so sad, your kids shouldn’t go through certain things man.
Me: “Why didn’t you introduce yourself?”
Aya: “That man is rich Tee, he drives a merc. I want to go to him when I have a
qualification and a job so he’ll know its not about money.”
Me: “Ayabonga that’s in like four years. So many things could go wrong between
then and now. Go because we both know its not about the money. Things might
actually work out for you.”
Aya: “I am in no rush Tee.” She dismissed me after that. The room looked better
and it felt less empty
Me: “Show me your clothes phela.” She giggled and started parading, all in all it
was a good day. Early evening I drove back home, I was driving one of baba’s cars.
On my drive back home it finally dawned on me that I couldn’t avoid Hlanga
forever, I had to face him at some point, and we had to prepare ourselves for our
bundle of joy. I was just having problems with what to say to him, what did he
expect from me vele because it seemed as though he made the decision for the
both of us. That he was going to put our lives in danger, we were walking targets
basically, me and the baby. I was back to being angry again and it was best I keep
avoiding him.
»56«
HLELO
Mpilo: “You screwed me over Gugulethu. All I needed was one last chance to
prove myself and I was going to make you happy. You had to go for my brother.”
He looked me, he was really mad. Even had folds of skin on his forehead “Why
him, huh? What does he have that I don’t?
Me: “I love him.” I really did, just because I hadn’t told him yet it didn’t mean I
didn't feel it. He laughed, sarcastically
Mpilo: “Love, please! The man lost his girlfriend and son a year ago. Let me tell
you something, he was planning to propose, he had bought the ring and
everything. He visits their graves every Saturday and he hasn’t sold the house
they used to live in. Does that sound like someone who loves you and has moved
on?” why was he telling me this, was he trying to hurt me? What if he was right
though, what if he hasn’t moved on?
Me: “So what Mpilo? They were his family getting over them wont be easy.” I was
aware of that. They died, they didn’t leave him there was a difference. I mean
after a break up we cry, drink a few weeks and cut our hair and eventually we get
over the break up but when some died it was different which meant the process
was different too.
Mpilo: “You are so naïve, maybe I am better off without you. He’ll never get over
them, you will never be Mimi and Sbonga will never be Njabulo.” That cut really
deep. I wasn’t even trying to fill a void in Nqobani’s life. I didn’t even know about
his life until he initiated a relationship.
Me: “I wasn’t trying to replace them or be them Mpilo and Nqobani gets that.”
Why was I entertaining Mpilo, why was he still here? Maybe deep down I also
knew that there was a lot he wasn’t telling me. I didn’t know about the house and
the proposal, all I knew was they were dead and he was dealing with it. Maybe
dealing with it meant visiting their graves every Saturday, which is a good thing,
right?
Mpilo: “Fine! Whatever makes you sleep at night! He might not have said it but
his actions are of a man who isn’t ready to move on.” He left my office but paused
at the door “I wish you well. Just know that I did love you, it may have taken me a
while to realize how much but I did.” He left and my thoughts ate away at me.
Was there a future for Nqobani and I, will he want to marry me at a later stage,
did he even want marriage? Mpilo got to me, he got into my head and woke up so
many fears and insecurities within me. I was really tired of dating and break ups
for whatever reason, the other thing is My King was already invested in papa just
like I was. What was I going to do if Nqobani woke up one day and felt differently?
I couldn’t afford another ex, my heart wasn’t strong enough and that moment it
dawned on me that I might have rushed into this yet again, my sister was right I
am R Mashesha!
Phila: “You have been staring at that screen for a while now, whats on your
mind?”
Me: “Life.” I shook my head
Phila: “uTricky ulife sana.” I nodded “I am going to get lunch, wanna come?” I
nodded. I took my handbag and we went to some fish and chips place that Phila
liked. “So much food GeeGee. A whole Jumbo??” Yeah that was me now since I
was Gugulethu Gumede. He was shocked
Me: “Are you done?” he nodded “Come I need to to drive somewhere.” We got to
my car and we left. I drove to Lucy’s hang out place and she was awake. She
looked cleaner and she was wearing the clothes I had left for her before. “I am
coming back”
Phila: “Okay. Ill stay here and eat.”
Me: “I bought you and your friends food.”
Lucy: “Thanks, like you knew we were hungry, we were going to search in bins
later.” They started sharing the buns and chips. They devoured that meal
Me: “I came yesterday and you were asleep.” She was passed out, there was a
bottle of glue next to her.
Lucy: “I was tired.”
Me: “Okay. I have to go now.”
Lucy: “Okay. Dankie ka dijo neh.”
Me: “You welcome.”
Lucy: “Next time come with that curry.” I laughed
Me: “You want me to come back?” she nodded showing half a smile.
Me: “Okay.” I left and drove us back to work. We didn’t have court that day and I
was happy.
Mabusi: “GeeGee there’s a man looking for you at the front desk?”
Me: “Is he dark, china eyes, and hot?” we laughed
Mabusi: “No he is none of that.”
Me: “Mxm!” I stood up from my desk and I went to the front desk. And indeed he
wasn’t any of that “Good day sir.”
Man: “Miss. My name is Maxwell Zulu.”
Me: “Okay, how may I be of assistance?” he coughed
Man: “You are not the Miss Gumede I expected to find. I was told she’s in her
early fortys.” I laughed
Me: “Definitely not me.”
Man: “Okay thank you for your time.” He left and I was just confused. I went back
to work and later I went home. Lakhe was going to fetch Sbonga for me and I was
happy. I fixed Sbonga and I a bubble bath, my son and I bathed together
sometimes, it wasn’t weird. That day all I wanted was to bond with him. It had
been a hectic day and I was really down after Mpilo just showed up at my office, I
needed some time for myself and I gave me that time by switching off my phone
and spending time with The King.
=======
Me: “This is my son Sbonga. My best friend Emma”
Lucy: “She’s white.” I nodded “Why not a black friend.”
Me: “I have one here she is, her name is Thingo it means Rainbow in English.” She
nodded. I was telling her about myself and I showed her pictures as well.
Lucy: “Thingo is beautiful and Sbonga too.”
Me: “And Emma.”
Lucy: “She’s white.”
Me: “Lucy are you racist?”
Lucy: “No, white people are racist to us.” I laughed
Me: “Black people can be racist too.” She shook her head. We had a long way to
go here “How old are you?”
Lucy: “19 years old.” So she’s been homeless since she was 16 years old. She was
a survivor
Me: “You know I am adopted?” I wanted her to know that it gets better. And not
everything is as it seems. I could have been homeless too, who knows?
Lucy: “What? You seem fine.” I laughed
Me: “That’s because my parents are great.”
Lucy: “Show me the photo.” I scrolled through my phone and showed her my
favourite picture of my parents “You don’t look like them.” Duh!
Me: “I know. Mamazi found me in a box outside a hospital when I was a month
old and she raised me.”
Lucy: “That’s nice of her.”
Me: “Do you know your parents?”
Lucy: “No, they died when I was a kid so I don’t have memory of them. My aunt,
dad’s sister and her husband raised me until my aunt died and my uncle was
funny towards me.” please explain funny to me “he watched me bath and
entered the room when I am dressing.”
Me: “I am sorry.” I looked at her “Did he try anything?” she nodded slowly. I
wanted to hug her but Lucy hated being touched and now it explained why
Lucy: “That why I left the house.” So she was raped, life is brutal sometimes. You
could tell by her English that she went to school but she didn’t finish, heaven only
knows how long did her uncle took advantage of her. This is why I wanted to be a
prosecutor.
Me: “I am really sorry.”
Lucy: “Not everyone get adopted.” She stood up “Thank you for today Gugu, I
have to go back.”
Me: “I can help you get a better life Lucy.”
Lucy: “I am fine. I don’t need a better life. I have to go” and she ran towards the
building she sleeps next to. I wasn’t going to give up on her, she was only 19 years
old, she still had a chance. I left to meet up with bhuti.
Hlanga: “MaGumede.”
Me: “Are you okay?” he didn’t seem fine, more like drunk and hasn’t slept in days.
Hlanga: “I miss my wife Gugulethu and she doesn’t want me anywhere near her.”
Me: “What did you do bhuti?” Hlanga though
Hlanga: “I told her the truth, that I am a gang leader.” What?
Me: “So you and that friend of yours are not just part of a gang, you are leading
it?”
Hlanga: “What? Nqobani said we are part of it?” he laughed
Me: “He is so dead! You know what I wish Thingo and the baby will just go into
hiding, from you!!” he stopped laughing and looked at me
Hlanga: “That’s not funny Hlelo.”
Me: “I was trying to make a joke.” I was back to being pissed. “Bhuti you do not
know how bad things were when you were shot. Thingo stopped functioning and
Nqobani was a mess, I was also caught in the middle of this. Your parents were
also not coping. So please!”
Hlanga: “I know its not easy, I understand.”
Me: “You are not at the receiving end of such news, you understand nothing!!” he
looked at me shocked
Hlanga: “…”
Me: “Anyway, its baby shower time bhuti and mama bear deserves the best, if
she wants a Lamborghini stroller, she’s going to get it. So is it going to be in KZN
or here?
Hlanga: “She wants to give birth that side.”
Me: “KZN it is then. Here are my banking details, the theme and the set up I want
to go with I estimated 20k, Bheka and I have it covered. The rest is on you.”
Hlanga: “How much is that? No actually use this for whatever you are going to
need, I know nothing about baby showers.” That’s what I wanted, unlimited funds
because he handed me a black card.
Me: “From you I need a guest list and you also need a killer gift. Mamazi calls it a
PUSH PRESENT.”
Hlanga: “A what?”
Me: “’Bow went through a lot with this pregnancy so you need to show her that
you recognize and you appreciate her for that”
Hlanga: “Okay, that’s a good idea. You are good at this MaGumede.” I smiled
Me: “Thank you. I was also thinking that since you know the baby’s gender and
she doesn’t, surprise her with a decorated nursery when she comes back from
giving birth.”
Hlanga: “Perfect! I will get started but I need your help and that means you will
know the baby’s gender.”
Me: “I can keep my mouth shut.”
Hlanga: “You better.” I nodded “We having a girl.” He was smiling this whole time,
from the way he was smiling, he was proud. I never experienced that, a
supportive partner so I do not know how it felt but from where I was sitting it look
good and I am sure it felt even better.
Me: “That’s great. We are going to have a pink and purple nursery.” I say in
excitement and he laughed. I carried on telling him my ideas and he just agreed
with everything. He was A Hopless Situation nje “So we are having it at the farm
or we are booking a nice hotel?”
Hlanga: “I’d like it if we had it at the farm.”
Me: “Okay you need to distract her for the night while we set up.”
Hlanga: “Okay.” We started discussing the guestlist “Invite Aya. The rest don’t
care anyway.” He gave me her number. He was right Thingo’s family weren’t
supportive of her, they didn’t come to see how she was doing when Hlanga got
shot or when she went to meet her father. Aya was the only family she had
basically.
Me: “Should we invite the royal family?” he wasn’t pleased “I don’t think they like
us much hay but they are her family.”
Hlanga: “Thingo’s father is going to be a pain, I can feel it.” He was displeased by
him
Me: “You need to remember this is for ‘Bow.”
Hlanga: “I know. Invite them, it will make her happy if they are there.”
Me: “Are you sure you still want it at the farm?”
Hlanga: “More reason to have it there so he can calm down!!” you should’ve seen
his face
Me: “Its going to be so much fun. A royal baby shower.” I said laughing
Hlanga: “Yay! uMaMthethwa ozalwayo (It a Mthethwa baby shower), uZwide aka
Zwide le kude (Inkosi can go to hell)!” and he meant it. He was getting worked up
over nothing.
Me: “You need to calm down bhuti.”
Hlanga: “Mxm!”
Me: “I do not want drama at the baby shower.” He nodded “Okay then, I will keep
you posted.” We hugged and I left him to his alcohol. I went to fetch Sbonga since
we were spending the weekend with papa. I never told him about Mpilo and I’s
conversation but it was time I did.
Nqobani: “Baby I will meet you guys at home, I am busy at the moment.”
Me: “Okay.”
Nqobani: “And cook papa your delious curry.” I laughed
Me: “Okay.”
Nqobani: “I love you.”
Me: “Just hurry and come back.”
Nqobani: “okay.” And I started with the pots while Sbonga watched tv. A knock
came through the door.
Sbonga: “I will get it mama.”
Me: “Okay.” He came back running “who is it?” I also went to check the door. A
Bonang type of girl stood at the door. Face beat on point, killer outfit and her
perfume was expensive, gomonate maan! “Hi, can I help you?”
Sbonga: “She wants papa.”
Girl: “I am looking for Clive, is he around?”
Me: “He’s stuck at work. May I ask who’s looking for him?”
Girl: “He knows, just tell him to answer his damn phone.” She was looking at me
from head to toe with the meanest look “Papa my ass!” She threw her weave
back and left. What just happened? I went back to cooking and when I was done I
went to take a quick shower and throw in my new red lingerie set.
Nqobani: “Baby! MaGumede!!!”
Me: “I am in here.”
Nqobani: “I am starving!” his eyes popped at the sight of what I was wearing or
should I say, not wearing because all that lingerie was, it was strings.
Me: “Really? What kind of starvation should we deal with first?” I asked smiling.
Nqobani: “Damn it!! Lets deal with this starvation.” He pointed at his dick print
and shut the door. Lets torture him shall we.
Me: “Baby you will need the energy, lets get you fed.” I threw a silk gown on top
and I made it to the door. He didn’t believe it.
Nqobani: “Shit!” he spanked my cute little butt and I winced like a horny hoe that
I was. I went to the kitchen with him following me and dished up for us. He
couldn’t take his eyes off me and I loved every second of it
Sbonga: “Papa we don’t eat before we say grace or we won’t grow.” He laughed.
Mamazi’s teachings. We closed our eyes and Sbonga sang a prayer for us. That
dinner was intense, Nqobani wanted to finish his food and devour me
Me: “Sbongakonke pjs and bed now!” He stood up and came to hug us
“Goodnight My King.”
Sbonga: “Goodnight mama. Goodnight papa.”
Nqobani: “Night buddy. I will come switch the lights off for you.”
Sbonga: “Okay.” He left. I was proud of myself hay, he was so disciplined.
Me: “I will go wash the dishes.”
Nqobani: “I am so ready for you.” The little hoe in me giggled and I went to the
kitchen. After the dishes papa dealt with me accordingly. We made love guys and
it was amazing. “I love you Hlelo, I do.”
Me: “I love you too Nqobani, please don’t hurt me.” he kissed me on the nose
Nqobani: “You are my second chance baby, I am not fucking this up.” Wow, Mpilo
can go screw himself!
Me: “I trust you baby.” I kissed him and it was slowly leading to a 3rd round “Oh
before I forget, a lady came here looking for you.”
Nqobani: “What? Who?”
Me: “She said you know and you should answer your phone. Baby I thought you
said this complex is safe, how did she get past security?”
Nqobani: “I don’t know but I am going to find out.”
Me: “Who is she?”
Nqobani: “She is no one, what we had was nothing. Forget about it baby.”
Me: “I cant Nqobani, I feel like you are giving me half truths.”
Nqobani: “That’s not true baby.”
Me: “You told me you are part of a gang, not that you are a gang leader!! A
woman came to your door and security let her in and you say its nothing!! How
about the fact that you visit Mimi and Njabulo’s grave every Saturday, and the
house you lived in still exists?? What about the doctor, did you even make an
appointment?” calm left the room a long time ago
Nqobani: “Baby let me explain.”
Me: “I cant stand lies Nqobani, I just cant.” I was emotional now.
Nqobani: “Let me have a say baby.” I looked at him “They were my family
Gugulethu, I cant just forget about them and they died a year ago.”
Me: “I know and I am really sorry, this cant be easy for you but you didn’t let me
in Nqobani. I had to find out with Mpilo showing up at work and telling me I will
never be Mimi and Sbonga will never be Njabulo.” I was crying now, I think I was
keeping a lot in.
Nqobani: “That was an oversight. I didn’t think it was okay for me to talk about
my past with you.”
Me: “Mimi and Njabulo died Nqobani, she is not an ex you are trying to get over.
This is different, if talking about them is hard for you its okay and I understand but
I’d like to know certain things like the fact you visit the graves and you still own
your old house. I may not understand why but I’d like to be aware of it because at
the end of the day you are still grieving.”
Nqobani: “I am sorry MaGumede I know I didn’t handle the situation well.”
Me: “Nqobani I’d like an honest and open relationship. No detail is too big and no
detail is too small.”
Nqobani: “I also want that MaGumede.” I looked at him, did he mean it or was he
just saying to shut me up? “Her name is Zoe. It was just sex and nothing more.”
Me: “Okay.”
Nqobani: “Every Saturday I buy 3 bouquet of lillies for Mimi and Njabulo’s
tombstones. I haven’t been to the house in months but I still pay utility fees for it,
maybe its time I sold it.”
Me: “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” He really didn’t
Nqobani: “I have to Gugulethu, holding on to that house isn’t going to bring them
back and I accept that. In order for us have a life together I have to let go of my
life with Mimi and Njabulo. I am not trying to replace you with Mimi, I didn’t plan
to fall for you or to love Sbonga. Like I said before you are my second chance at
happiness and MaGumede I am happy, I want you, I want us to work. From now
on I will let you in on everything.”
Me: “Not the gang stuff please.” I chose to be ignorant to the fact he was a bad
guy because it didn’t change how I felt about him. Nqobani had that thing about
him that just sucked you in, I mean I agreed to be his fuck buddy and I also caught
feelings, he has that thing I tell you!
Nqobani: “Of course not.”
Me: “The doctor?”
Nqobani: “Lets choose one for me.” he stood up and went to fetch my diary and
we started discussing their credentials “I make the call on Monday.”
Me: “Okay. This is going to help you baby.”
Nqobani: “Okay.” We cuddled in silence. That was the deepest conversation
we’ve ever had “You have to meet my sisters.”
Me: “I do?”
Nqobani: “It’s a must. Have you spoken to Nathan?”
Me: “I did and he was himself about it. This why we don’t talk about boyfriends
with our brothers.”
Nqobani: “I get it, no brother wants to think about his sister being defiled willingly
or unwillingly. Its not a nice thought.” I laughed “Its not funny. So Nathan’s
reaction is understandable and I know he’s going to deal with me because I
would’ve done the same.”
Me: “So you understand?” he nodded “Its crazy and a double- standard. He’s
married, what does he think Azande’s brother feels like?”
Nqobani: “You just said it’s a double standard and life isn’t fair baby.”
Me: “Mxm, goodnight”
Nqobani: “Hawu why are you mad at me?”
Me: “Because you said you understand it.” He chuckled
Nqobani: “I love you.”
Me: “I love you too.”
Nqobani: “I am sorry for Mpilo making it seem like I am using you.”
Me: “Its not your fault. Are two okay? I think he’s angrier at me than you.”
Nqobani: “He doesn’t even want to breathe the same air as me. I really hope he
comes around because I want a relationship with you and he’s my family.” He
really wanted to make things right. Nqobani was a good man, most men wouldn’t
have cared this much.
Me: “I think he just needs time.”
Nqobani: “I am not giving up on him.” My personal opinion was we weren’t doing
anything wrong since Mpilo and I never dated so he didn’t need to prove himself.
But my man was determined and I had to let him be.

»56«
CONTINUED
HLANGA
Thingo was angry and I understood where she was coming from, I had been lying
to her for five years she probably felt betrayed and she was allowed to feel like
that but at the end of the day we had to find a way and be fine again. For our
baby girl we had to fix things.
Lonhle: “If you are going to crash here the least you can do is clean.”
Me: “Bese wena wenzan (then what are you going to do)? Lets not forget our
lanes please.” My brother sometimes forgot that I was older than him.
Lonhle: “Mxm!” he started kicking the bottles and threw himself on the couch
Me: “You need to get over yourself and accept that you fucked up.” He was still
grumpy about Hlelo and Nqobani.
Lonhle: “I know I fucked up but by the looks of things she was never going to give
me second chance anyway, she had already moved on with Nqobani.” He sighed
“All I am trying to understand now is after founding out why Nqobani didn’t end
things for the sake of us being brothers.” He has clearly lost it.
Me: “End it for you?” he nodded and I chuckled sarcastically “Would you have
done the same had roles been reversed? From where I am sitting your selfish and
entitled ass wouldn’t have so why do expect Nqobani to?”
Lonhle: “…” he knew what I was saying was right. “All I am just saying is he’s not
loyal.” What!!
Me: “Mpilonhle the world owes you nothing, yezwa nothing!! its high time you
get that. You are confused and I am not going to let you ruin Hlelo and Nqobani’s
happiness. If you wanted Hlelo you should’ve chosen her and it ends there. She
shouldn’t have to doubt her position in your life, if you say Bokang was your ex
then why were you so invested?”
Lonhle: “She needed me Hlanga.”
Hlanga: “And Hlelo didn’t?” he looked at me “Your priorities were fucked up and
you need to let this go and move on so that next time you don’t make the same
mistake again.”
Lonhle: “…’’
Me: “The worst thing that can happen to a woman is dealing with a confused man
and Hlelo didn’t need that. Bafo you need to get your priorities in check. If you
want a woman like MaGumede then you gotta be the man worthy of her.” Don’t
get me wrong I wasn’t saying I was worthy of my wife but I tried everyday to be
that man. By giving her all the love I could, my attention and being supportive of
whatever. “You are stuck in your past and maybe you should start dealing with it
before you pursue another relationship.”
Lonhle: “Maybe you are right, I am not over Bokang like I thought I am.” It was all
in his actions
Me: “Cant you two fix things?”
Lonhle: “I never tried, you think I should?”
Me: “I think you two should talk. I mean when she’s in trouble she calls you and
you are always available to save her.”
Lonhle: “I will think about it.”
Me: “Let Nqobani and Hlelo be. Nqobani is really happy Bafo and he needs this.”
Lonhle: “I will reach out to him. I have been a dick to him.”
Me: “Then fix it.”
Lonhle: “I will.” I stood up from the couch
Me: “let’s clean this mess up.”
Lonhle: “Why did Siphosethu leave you?”
Me: “She didn’t leave me. She just needed a break.” I sighed “I told her about the
gang.”
Lonhle: “I think baba knows you went back.”
Me: “Themba is not an idiot of course he knows.”
Lonhle: “You seem better than before.”
Me: “Things are different now and id like to think I have grown as well.”
Lonhle: “As long as you know what you doing. I don’t want anything happening to
Thingo and the baby.”
Me: “They will be safe 24/7.”
Lonhle: “I cant believe I am going to an uncle.” He seemed happy “I should also
think about making one so they can play together.” I laughed
Me: “That’s not a bad idea. Ma and baba have wanted grandkids for as long as I
can remember. At some point they were worried that I was gay.” We laughed so
hard
Lonhle: “Its crazy.” We carried on cleaning and later went to buy food. I was really
proud of myself, I was a changed man we all knew how I dealt with things before.
Committing to Thingo was the best decision I have ever made. It taught me a lot
as a man and I grew up, sex wasn’t everything and talking about your feelings
wasn’t a bad thing. I also learnt that we were all flawed somehow, I wasn’t the
only one. I tried calling my wife the 100th time that day, and she picked up. It was
my lucky day I thought.
Thingo: “Gangleader.” What?
Me: “Mamasekhaya. I miss you so much sthandwa sam.”
Thingo: “You did this to us Hlangalezwe. We were suppose to be preparing to
welcome our bundle of joy. We are first time parents Hlangalezwe and this is a big
deal, things shouldn’t be like this.”
Me: “I know Thingo lwam. I know my timing was bad.”
Thingo: “I cant deal with you right now. You make me so mad gangleader ndini!!
Anyway I called to tell you that I have a check up tomorrow afternoon so I will
take a morning flight.”
Me: “Okay. Just text me your flight details.”
Thingo: “I will. Have you eaten, are you taking care of yourself Hlangalezwe?” my
wife though, she still worried about me even when she was still angry at me.
Me: “I am fine, I am Lonhle’s place.”
Thingo: “Okay.”
Me: “What are you doing that side, I can see you probably buying building
material with the way my phone has been beeping.” She laughed. She was on a
spending spree.
Thingo: “Maybe I am building myself and the baby a house asaz (we don’t know)”
Me: “I don’t think I like that mamasekhaya.”
Thingo: “Deal with it! I have to go now.”
Me: “Okay. I love you Thingo lwam.”
Thingo: “Ngyakthanda nam (I love you too) Nyambose wam.” She was slowly
getting there. We hung up and I have to say, I felt better. After that phone call I
cleaned up and went to meet up with the rest of the gang. We were meeting up
at Nathan’s house
Nqobani: “And then?” we entered his poolhouse. He lived there it was obvious.
Nathan: “Azande is being extra, one minute she gets my work then Mxolisi
whispers something to her ear and she’s cold again. So I “broke up” with her as a
way to show tough love. I want to see where she’ll get with believing everything
Mxolisi tells her.” We laughed, it was crazy.
Me: “How is she taking the break up?”
Nathan: “She missed work the past two days so I’d say it is working.” We laughed
Chance: “That’s so childish.”
Nathan: “You do not have to deal with Azande Thuba. You do not know how
difficult she is.”
Me: “Lets get down to business people. Marital problems don’t end.”
Nqobani: “I know Ndu is still in rehab, I thought you were bringing Lwando on
board.”
Chance: “The less ears the better. Nathan and I think we have a mole.”
Nqobani&I: “What?”
Nqobani: “Its possible hay. Things are falling apart as much as we don’t want to
face facts.”
Nathan: “Exactly. We are losing money fast!”
Me: “So whats the plan?”
Nathan: “We are emotionally involved. Chance and I were thinking of bringing
outside help.”
Chance: “The 5 men, they helped us before with Vincent.”
Me: “Okay.”
Nathan: “I want us to get our books in other. Everything from the company,
funeral parlors and every contractor we hired. They are going to comb through
everything maybe they will find something we missed.”
Nqobani: “The sooner we start, the better.”
Chance: “We need to divide ourselves some of you need to look through every
guy that works for us.”
Me: “Shit Thuba! We have over 30 gang members.”
Nathan: “We better started guys, the sooner we do this the better we can solve
the problem.”
Nqobani: “Sure lets do this.”
Me: “I am going to need food and water.”
Nathan: “I have that covered.” And two of us did the books while the other two
investigated each gang member.
Me: “Do you think they’ll be stupid enough to get paid electronically.”
Nqobani: “It wont harm to check but also look for new purchased assets as well.”
Chance: “That’s smart.” And we carried on digging. That wasn’t a one night’s job
we all knew that so we did the best we could and we later crashed wherever we
could in that pool house.
======
I was an hour early to pick up my wife from the airport, I wanted to be in her good
books I even cleaned the house and washed the washing that I had been piling up.
She had to accept my life because I wasn’t going to survive another month
without her. She called to tell me she has landed and I went to meet her
Me: “Where’s your suitcase Siphosethu?”
Thingo: “I didn’t bring it, I am leaving again tonight.”
Me: “Thingo lwam don’t do this.”
Thingo: “I am doing this for my health and the baby’s plus I like being home.
Hlangalezwe the city has swallowed me and its too much.” She sighed “You can
come home if you want, I am not as mad as I was before.” I looked at her “I
missed you.” She showed half a smile.
Me: “I missed you too. Are you guys okay?”
Thingo: “We’ll find out today, but I cant anymore I am ready to deliver this baby,
its heavy.”
Me: “How long are you going to stay with my mother? Thingo our lives are this
side at the end of the day.”
Thingo: “I know. We are going to stay with her until I have gotten the hang of
things.”
Me: “Okay. You look beautiful.”
Thingo: “Thank you even though I feel like a hippo.”
Me: “Well you are a beautiful hippo.”
Thingo: “You were suppose to say you are not a hippo Thingo lwam.” I laughed
Me: “You are not a hippo Thingo lwam.”
Thingo: “Mxm!” we parked outside the house and I went to help her out of the
car and I she walked to the house. She was a hippo, a beautiful one “Wow! My
house is still the same, everything is still in tact.” She was shocked
Me: “Why wouldn’t it?”
Thingo: “I was worried about you.”
Me: “I have grown and I can control my anger and frustration.”
Thingo: “I am really proud of you.” I looked at her with a proud smile.
Me: “About me being a gangleader, Thingo lwam it wont affect the life we have
here, I mean I was able to keep a low profile for 5 years.”
Thingo: “You lied! Don’t take pride in that Hlangalezwe.”
Me: “I am sorry.” I took her hands and kissed them “I love you and that will never
change Thingo lwam. I am still your man, I am still your life-line please find it in
your pure heart to accept what I do for us and our baby.”
Thingo: “Do I have a choice?” no you don’t, there is no leaving me alive!
Me: “Of course you do Thingo lwam but you cant leave me Thingo lwam, I wont
accept that.”
Thingo: “So I don’t have a choice?”
Me: “…” we looked at each other
Thingo: “Take me to the doctor gang leader.” Was this my name now? I don’t
think I liked it. She shook her head “Hlangalezwe are we even safe?”
Me: “All the time. The cars that have been following you is your security detail.
Your car has gps, a tracker and bullet proof windows.”
Thingo: “Lets go.” We left for the doctor. “I hate the fact that you kept this from
me for so long, I am nipples deep now. I cant leave you and like you implied I
don’t have a choice to leave because I know you wont let me.”
Me: “Thingo lwam I love you and like I said nothing about us is going to change.”
Thingo: “Besides the fact that everytime you leave the house I will get worried
and wonder if I will get that call again. If you wont let me leave you, can I ask you
to stop this madness, just quit this gang thing?”
Me: “…” I parked the car at the doctor. “We are here.” I looked at her, she was
waiting for an answer all this time “That’s impossible. A lot of people are counting
on me Thingo.”
Thingo: “I hope I am top of the list because I matter most! Hlangalezwe if you
wont stop then I wont accept it either.” What? We were back to square one. She
went in for the check and everything looked good. We discussed her birth plan,
Thingo wanted us to fly her that side
Me: “Why don’t you give birth here and we go back home after.”
Thingo: “I want things the way I planned them.” She batted her eyelashes, my
wife was so manipulative “What the princess wants, the princess gets.” What?
Was this my life?
Me: “Okay.”
Dr: “Okay then. I will clear my schedule, I guess I will see guys in Durban.” We
nodded “Take it easy and hold on we are almost there.”
Thingo: “Woooh I can not wait!” we laughed because she was dramatic.
Us: “Thanks doc.” We left.
Thingo: “Are you going back with me?”
Me: “I am. Ill go pack.” I needed to check things in Durban anyway. And we left
joburg with neither of talking. We got home and things were still the same, I
actually missed it. We arrived late so all we did was eat and sleep “Thingo lwam
you are being unreasonable now.”
Thingo: “I am naked right now what are you going to do about that?” I was never
ready!!! and she was serious, she had a straight face.
Me: “Come here.” My wife needed sexual healing, I had to do something about it.
And I did adult things to her pregnant body. She was heavily pregnant and wasn’t
flexible like before but we made it work. When we were done we took a shower
and went to bed.
Thingo: “I need time Hlangalezwe, I just need time to accept things.”
Me: “Okay.”
Thingo: “I love you so much and I trust that you will keep us safe. All I want now is
to focus on our little person and build a warm home for him/ her. I just want us to
be good parents.”
Me: “Okay mamasekhaya lets focus on our family and leave the gang things
behind. You will make a great mother Thingo lwam, I can tell.”
Thingo: “Thank you for that, I need a confidence booster right now. You will make
a great father too Nyambose wam” we hugged. Love and peace was restored “For
the record this is not a gangster baby.” I laughed
Me: “Its not.” I was still laughing. I don’t think my wife was ever going to change
from being funny “I love you Thingo lwam, you are my world.” I kissed her
forhead
Thingo: “I love you Nyambose wam, you are my life-line.” She kissed my chest and
we dosed off.
=====
Me: “MaGumede you told me you have everything under control.”
Hlelo: “Bhuti we need you to deal with the set up, I have hired everything all I
need is you here to help me.”
Me: “Who is going to distract my wife then?”
Hlelo: “I have that covered, all you need to do is to drop Thingo off with mamazi
and she will take care of her.”
Me: “Okay then, what time are your people coming?”
Hlelo: “In the afternoon, around 4pm.”
Me: “Okay I also have a busy day so I will just drop her off now.”
Hlelo: “Is her push present ready?”
Me: “Almost but by tomorrow definitely.”
Hlelo: “Okay I will see you at the farm then.” We hung up. I showered and I got
ready to leave. I went to the main house and I found my mother and Thingo in a
deep conversation
Me: “Is everything okay?”
Thingo: “Its perfect, ma was just telling me about the day you were born.”
Ma: “He has always been a handful this one.” They laughed “Are you ready?”
Thingo: “Ma is coming with us.” That wasn’t part of the plan
Me: “Ma a moment please.” She stood up and came to me and we went outside.
“The baby shower is tomorrow and people are coming later today, who is going to
receive them?”
Ma: “Hlanga I haven’t bought a gift for Siphosethu, I have to go. Don’t worry I will
drive back with Banele and Aya.”
Me: “Okay. Hlelo will be here around 4 I’ll try to be here as well.”
Ma: “Okay. Lets go.” We all got in the car and left. I drove to the Gumede house
and she was willing to stay behind since Qhawekazi was there
Me: “I will do my best to be quick.” It was a lie of course
Thingo: “Okay.” We hugged and kissed “I love you.”
Me: “I love you too.” My mother and I left. I also had to go deal with the push
present. The baby shower was a huge thing, Hlelo was talking about sound and
caterers, I mean the person they were doing it for wasn’t even born yet.
NARRATED
Max: "I found them but we have a problem."
Meli: "What problem? Max I can't afford problems right now, a lot is on the line."
Max: "Melisizwe what are we dealing with here? This girl has 24 hour security I
mean body guards, the estate she lives in is top notch. I was lucky to even get
close to her because she was at work. Level with me or I am out."
Meli: "What do you mean, Max what are you talking about?" He was really
confused
Max: "This is no normal person, I have never investigated such before. All I am
saying is if you are going to face her, you need to come prepared because we are
dealing with powerful people here."
Meli: "You seem to forget that my grandfather was powerful as well. The name
James is still powerful." He was getting pissed off, Max was suggesting that he
was weak.
Max: "Look at the position you in Meli and need I remind you that your
grandfather is dead." He felt sorry for him. "Meli who are these people. You keep
saying that the boy is your son and I believe you but how did you get involved
with such?" He was a bit traumatized actually "I did a background check on the
Gumede name."
Meli: "And?"
Max: "Nothing, I found nothing everything is normal but they way things are,
there's more to them than meets the eye." What Max said gave Melisizwe a lot to
think about.
Meli: "Max Hlelo was a student of mine back when I was still teaching."
Max: "You took advantage of her didn't you?"
Meli: "Of course not, it was consensual. She knew what she was doing." Deep
down he knew he preyed on a naive 16 year old.
Max: "Well in that case you won't have a problem. Just go to her and reason with
her."
Meli: "I don't think she'll be in a reasoning mood. She told me she was pregnant, I
threw money at her and told her to die with it."
Max: "You didn't!"
Meli: "I was young and stupid Max. I am not proud of the way I handle things but I
have grown from that and I have learnt a lot from being blacklisted."
Max: "First of all you were not young, that boy is 5 years old and we were 30
years old 5 years ago. You were stupid that's for sure, go to her and plead with
her at the end of the day you are the boy's father." Melisizwe nodded even
though he knew the truth. He lied to Hlelo about so many from fact that he was a
30 year old man to the fact he was married when he pursued her.
Meli: "You are right, I am the boy's father which means I have rights to him."
Max: "Okay then. His name is Sbongakonke by the way."
Meli: "Thank you so much Max, you've been great help. As soon as the estate is in
my name I'll pay you handsomely, you deserve it."
Max: "Of course. All the best man." They shook hands and parted ways. He drove
home to pack a bag to Johannesburg, he was going to face Hlelo. On his drive
home he couldn't shake the feeling that him being blacklisted somehow had to do
with Hlelo since it all happened 5 years ago and with what Max had just told him
about Hlelo's family being powerful. He wasn't giving up though, he had to do this
for his family and for them to have a better life.

»57«
THINGO
I was so comfortable at the Gumedes, it felt like home and with Sasa and her
endless stories it was never a dull moment but Hlanga had been gone almost the
whole day, it was meant to be a few hours.
Sasa: “So you married bhuti when you were 19 years old?” I nodded. Back then I
didn’t even know I'd love him this hard, I really couldn’t imagine life without that
man.
Me: “You are judging me.” I didn’t like her face.
Sasa: “I am not, I would never. Its just that I am turning 18 this year ‘Bow and
marriage is not even on my mind. All I am thinking of is passing matric and getting
the hell out of here. How did you do it?”
Me: “And where will you go?” I had to focus the conversation on her. She wasn’t
going to understand my reasons for getting married so young. It really got me
thinking hay “Excuse me I need to make a phone call.”
Sasa: “Okay.” I went to the garden to make the call.
Hlanga: “I am so sorry Thingo lwam. I am stuck at work.” So he calls being a
gangleader work?
Me: “Okay its not like I am in the middle of nowhere.” I was really fine, I was at
home. I sighed “Nyambose.” I said in a low and sincere voice
Hlanga: “Thingo lwam.” the way he said it, it will always make me smile. Gosh I
loved that man its from the way he was with me, to the way he made me feel.
With Hlanga I had never doubted my place, I was his rainbow.
Me: “What will we tell the baby about how we got married? I don’t think I want
the baby to know how bad things were for me that you had to marry me.” Sasa’s
question woke up something in me, my insecurities. I was suddenly emotional.
Hlanga: “I love how we met Thingo lwam and I will never change a thing about
our love story. From me almost running you over with my car, to proposing to you
so I could take you away from those cruel people you call your family and the day
you proposed to me the second time at the hospital.” That made me giggle, I
really wanted to make things official “You owe me a wedding after you give birth
by the way.” I laughed
Me: “Definitely.”
Hlanga: “The past shapes us Thingo lwam, it makes us who we are. I think our
baby will appreciate to hear that the person who gave birth to him/ her is strong
and brave. I have never told you this but you were really brave for agreeing to
marry me and a stronger person for staying married to a man like me. I don’t
deserve you Thingo lwam.” what he said just made me tear up.
Me: “Of course you deserve me Nyambose just like I deserve you. Thank you for
calling me strong and brave.”
Hlanga: “That’s because you are mamasekhaya. You have been through worse
than anyone your age should ever endure and somehow from all of that you
remained kind. You have the biggest heart Thingo lwam and I am really lucky to
call you my wife and mother of my children.”
Me: “Well you are my handsome gangleader and father of all my children.” He
laughed. It was his name now! “You take care of me Hlangalezwe in ways I didn’t
know existed or ever thought I needed. With you I know and I am sure that I am
loved and I matter. Thank you sthandwa sam.”
Hlanga: “And never doubt that even when I am dead know that I gave you my
best.”
Me: “No dying Hlangalezwe!!”
Hlanga: “I will do my best. Ngyakthanda Nkosazane yoZwide.” I laughed
Me: “It sounds weird but I like it.” It was still so surreal that me, Thingo Mfeka or
should I say Nxumalo was a princess. “Ngyakthanda nam Dingiswayo.”
Hlanga: “I have always felt there was something unique about you.”
Me: “Infact you did call me nkosazane after night we met.” wow!
Hlanga: “Exactly.” He chuckled
Me: “Its amazing really. Nyambose finish up and come and fetch me, I miss you.”
Hlanga: “Okay I am on my way.” We hung up and I went back to Sasa and mamazi
Mamazi: “We are taking you out for a spa treatment and shopping.”
Me: “Yes please, I need it.” They laughed
Baba: “Hambani vele so me and my princess can bond without you.” He was going
to babysit Qhawekazi.
Sasa: “I am princess #1 angith babami?” They laughed, Sasa and Hlelo were really
daddy’s girls.
Mamazi: “I have a good feeling about you Qhawekazi, you will be a mama’s baby
and you will favour mamazi angithi?” she picked her up from her play mat.
Baba: “Do not poison my daughter Zusakhe!!” they laughed and I joined them.
Mamazi: “I need a girl on my side, Qwabe you took all of them.” She sulked and I
laughed so hard, this family was crazy.
Me: “You have me mamazi.”
Mamazi: “Even better, Thingo lwenkosazane is a REAL princess not a faux.” She
pointed at Sasa
Sasa: “Baba she called me a fake princess.” I couldn’t stop laughing
Mamazi: “We are leaving, there is no come back from this one faux-ncess.” She
laughed at her own joke “From now on to me you and your sisters are faux-
ncesses.”
Sasa: “mxm! Lets go.” She was really bored. I so wanted to be a cool mother like
Ntandokazi. Mamazi drove us to the mall and they bought me clothes, no actually
they were spoiling me.
Mamazi: “That weave needs to be dealt with real quick.” She wasn’t wrong, I had
let myself go as Sasa would say
Me: “My hair person is in Joburg.”
Mamazi: “Just a temp fix.” They led me to a hair salon they frequenced and they
washed it and styled it so perfectly and we later went to the spa.
Me: “Thank you so much for today mamazi. I feel so rejuvenated.” I really did
Mamazi: “Pregnancy is hard especially on your last trimester. You need extra
attention.” She was right, I could barely walk.
Sasa: “Our job here is done.”
Mamazi: “She is all yours Bab’ Mthethwa.”
Me: “What? Huh?” I turned around and he was standing right behind me with the
biggest grin “Nyambose!!” we hugged “You planned this day didn’t you?”
Hlanga: “Maybe. Are you feeling better?”
Me: “A whole lot better. Thank you.”
Mamazi: “That’s our que.” We hugged “We’ll see around Thingo lwenkosazane.”
Me: “Definitely.” They left “Lets go home.”
Hlanga: “We are not going home.” He led us to his car “We are going to spend the
rest of the night at hotel. I made dinner reservations for later and tomorrow
morning we’ll go to the beach.”
Me: “I really like that.” He drove us to a hotel and we checked in. hotels were a
norm to me now, who knew. You remember how I wasn’t even allowed to go to
town?
Hlanga: “Now show me what you bought.”
Me: “You want a fashion show like the day you first bought me to Durban?” he
nodded smiling. “But this time its different.”
Hlanga: “There's a 3rd person in the room.” He said pointing at my big stomach, I
laughed.
Me: “I was going to say, since I am a hippo.”
Hlanga: “You are not a hippo Thingo lwam.”
Me: “Thank you.” We laughed and I started showing him my outfits. “Its mostly
white dresses, Sasa was choosing for me.”
Hlanga: “I like them. You look beautiful in all of them.”
Me: “Thank you.” He helped me into of the bodycon dresses “What time is our
dinner, I will wear this dress.”
Hlanga: “We should be headed down.” I fixed myself properly and we left. We
had a fancy dinner. My husband wasn’t enjoying it, it was so obvious that he was
doing it for me.
Me: “I am done, lets go for a drive.”
Hlanga: “Where to?”
Me: “KFC drive-thru.” He smiled
Hlanga: “Thank you.” I just nodded. Grumpy Hlanga was unpleasant and I was
having a great night so we needed to find him food he was familiar with. We got
up and we left for KFC “You want something?”
Me: “Dunked wings and a krusher.” He ordered and we parked the car and we
ate. We later went to bed and had 2 steamy sessions and slept. That night we
were more connected than ever, Hlanga and I had a long way to go and I was just
so excited about the new chapter of our lives. The chapter of us being parents.
The following morning I was woken up with breakfast in bed
Me: “This is how a woman should be woken up every morning."
Hlanga: “You say it like I don’t do it often enough.”
Me: “I appreciate your efforts sthandwa sam.” I kissed him. He was just bad in
the kitchen that’s all but he did spoil me now and again. “So whats the plan for
the day?”
Hlanga: “Nothing extravagant, just you and me at the beach and we’ll later go
home.”
Me: “Okay.” We carried on having breakfast over meaningless conversation “Your
phone has you occupied this morning.”
Hlanga: “Just work stuff.”
Me: “Gang stuff?” he nodded “I don’t want to know the details but id like to be
aware of things.”
Hlanga: “How far do you want me to go?”
Me: “As your defence attorney it would be good if I didn’t know certain things like
if you did it or not but the details matter.” He laughed “I am serious
Hlangalezwe.”
Hlanga: “Okay. How about you let me do what I do, I carry on being your husband
and you be my lawyer wife and I only let you in when shit has hit the fan, how
about that?”
Me: “Perfect the less I know the better for our marriage. I have to say you know
how to shock a person. I never saw it coming but it explains a lot.”
Hlanga: “The guns in your safe, the money. I get that you are a business man but
Hlanga there is just too money at my disposal especially in this economy.”
Hlanga: “It was never about money.”
Me: “You love it?”
Hlanga: “I am good at it.” He loved it.
Me: “Okay.” We had to stop this conversation because the more it went on, I
feared my husband a little bit more. “Lets go to the beach we’ll shower when we
get back.” We left for the beach and we strolled and played in the water. It was so
much fun with us laughing and making more memories “Thank you for loving
me.”
Hlanga: “Thank you for loving me back.” We kissed and held hands and went to
shower and checked out of the hotel. He drove us home.
Me: “Looks busy, whats happening?”
Hlanga: “I don’t know.” The closer we got to the farm the more interested I
became.
Me: “What!!!!! No way!! Hlangalezwe” I jumped out the car and I was met by
everyone at the gate. The Nxumalos, the Gumedes and Mthethwas. Bheka and
Aya and they had a big banner written ‘Bow’s Baby Shower!! “A baby shower!!”
Hlelo: “Yes! Now come this side.” She led me to our room and Sasa helped me
with hair and make-up
Sasa: “”Bow please don’t cry, you are ruining your makeup, you are supposed to
be smiling and happy.”
Me: “I am happy, its just that …” I sobbed and she shouted for Hlanga. He came
running “I am so happy, its just that wow! So much love.”
Hlanga: “Were you doubting us?”
Me: “No, I just didn’t know how deep it goes.”
Hlanga: “Well it goes deeper than a baby shower. A lot of people are waiting for
you out there Thingo lwam.”
Me: “Okay, okay. Call Sasa back”
Hlanga: “Okay.” We kissed and he left. Sasa came back with Hlelo who had ironed
my dress “Thank you so much guys.”
Hlelo: “Save the speech for later.” she was on baby shower organiser mode. She
help me into my dress, it was a loose and flowy off the shoulder white dress. “This
as well.”
Me: “Teddy bear ears.”
Sasa: “You are Mama Bear phela.” I laughed, I really liked it together with the
sash. When they were done fixing me up we went to the stretched tent which
was beautifully decorated. It was a teddy bear themed baby shower. The cake
was a big white and a touch of pink teddy bear together with chocolate teddy
bear cupcakes, they even had a karaoke machine even though Lakhe's music was
moving heads.
Hlanga: “Here’s mama bear.” he opened his arms for a hug
Me: “Hey papa bear.” He also had the ears and a fake belly. We hugged and
everyone clapped.
Ndalo: “A picture please.” I am guessing he was our photographer while Lakhe
was the dj. I was so happy, I couldn’t even explain it. Papa bear and I went to take
our seats at the important people chairs. Hlelo was the MC and she was really
good and funny
Me: “So my other husband didn’t come, are we not married now that Hlelo is in
the picture?” I was bothered actually. Nqobani was family for crying out loud “Or
him and Lonhle are still not seeing eye-to-eye?”
Hlanga: "He’s coming, he’s just running late that’s all.”
Me: “Okay.”
Hlelo: “Let the games begin.” We all clapped in excitement. She started explaining
the game. The first game we played was called Baby Shower Trivia, Hlanga and I
had to answer the questions and if we get it wrong we drink baby formula and it
was so much fun, Hlanga was so clueless and it was also fun to watch.
Sasa: “Babies are born without which body part? A. Kneecaps B. Elbows C.
Tailbone or D. Shoulder blades.”
Hlanga: “What? Is that even okay for them not to have a certain body part?” he
was confused
Me: “C. Tailbone. My baby will not have a tail ever!” everyone laughed
Ma: “You are both hopeless. A. Kneecaps.”
Us: “What?”
Sasa: “Yes. So you two need to drink up.” Guys baby formula is horrible, why are
they feeding babies such? We carried on playing, we answered 10 questions and
only got 3 right, imagine.
Me: “Baby this game is making me doubt myself as a mother, I basically knew
nothing.”
Hlanga: “Calm down mamasekhaya, its just a game.”
Hlelo: “Next on the programme is lullabies and baby rhymes. The stage is yours
mama bear and papa bear.” We stood up and went to sing with the karaoke
machine. We sang hush little baby and twinkle little star. “That was great.”
Me: “I am having so much fun.” I felt like a little kid.
Hlelo: “Next on the programme is refreshments.” And we were served finger
snacks and drinks from baby bottles, it was the cutest thing, everyone looked
happy. I left the table to go and greet my father and his wives.
Phathisizwe: “Nkosazane yam (my princess).”
Me: “Ninjany baba (how are you doing father)?” he chose to hug me, my big belly
got in the way “Ngiyajabulo ngokuza kwenu(I am happy you came), I am sure
being Inkosi, you are a busy man.”
Mbusi: “The princess comes first.” Y’all heard right, I come first!!!
Phathisizwe: “He’s right, we wanted to be here for you.”
Me: “Again thank you for coming.”
Phathisizwe: “We have booked a hotel in Durban and I was hoping to spend the
day with you when this is over.” He really wanted to be in my life and I wanted
that too
Me: “Okay, I’d really love that. How about tomorrow?”
Phathisizwe: “Perfect. Now go back to your games.” I giggled and left them
Me: “Whats next on the programme?”
Hlanga: “The big reveal. Everyone please follow me.” and we did. He was leading
us out the tent towards the yard. I screamed!!!!!
Me: “Nooooo way!!!”
Hlanga: “Way!”
Hlelo: “This is your push present.” It was a white BMW 3 series SUV personalized
“MAMA BEAR”, next to it stood a BMW baby stroller and car seat and they were
both embroided CUB #1, it was amazing and I was tearing up so much
Me: “I love it, I love it so much.”
Hlanga: “And lastly.” He handed me papers “You are amazing mamasekhaya. You
make me happy and all I want to do is to make you happy like you make me. I feel
like this is not enough to show you just how much I appreciate you. I love you
Thingo lwam.” I looked at him and he pointed the papers and I read them
Me: “You bought me a wine estate?”
Hlanga: “You love wine, so why not have a lifetime supply of it.” I hugged him,
kissed him and hugged him again,
Me: “I love everything, I love you and I love my push present even though I
haven’t pushed yet.” We laughed “Thank you so much Nyambose wam.”
Hlanga: “I am glad you loved them.” He took my hand we all walked back to the
tent. Nqobani is the one who bought my new car, that’s why he was late. The
minute he got there Hlelo forgot about her MC duties. Sasa took over and we
played who knows mommy and daddy best. That’s when friendships were tested.
Hlelo and Nqobani really knew us, Bheka tried as well.
Me: “Hawu Ayabonga, not even one question right.” I was so disapponted
Aya: “Tee this punch is amazing.” I laughed at her because she was tipsy no
wonder she didn’t get anything right.
Me: “Whose idea was it to serve punch vele?”
Nele: “Mine.” She said laughing, she was worse than my cousin.
Hlanga: “Today turned out great.” He kissed me
Me: “I know. Best baby shower ever.” I wasn’t lying.
Hlanga: “Thank uMaGumede, its all her. She’s really amazing no wonder my
brothers are crazy about her.” We laughed, it was true
Me: “She is the best.” After a lot of pictures and food came the time for speeches
from mommy and daddy
Hlanga: “Ladies first.” I took the microphone from him
Me: “Without family we are nothing, I confirmed that today. I’d really like to
thank each one of you for coming today and for making this day extra special. I'd
like us to stay this united through raising my little one, as the saying goes “it takes
a village”” everyone clapped “I am grateful for my new found family for showing
me support today. I am also grateful to the Gumedes and my parents by marriage.
Your presence in my life has been amazing and it had made me grow as a woman
and a wife and now soon to be a mother. Lastly my husband, my partner and best
friend who has seen me through the worst of times and stuck with me up to day.
He is really amazing and I am the luckiest woman right now.” They clapped again
“Thank you for everything I really have no words to show how grateful I am for
you guys, thank you.” I gave the microphone to my husband while they clapped.
Hlanga: “My wife has taken all the nice things to say.” We laughed, he was crazy
“But I’d liked to highlight on us remaining united as life goes on. To continue
supporting and loving each other because we cant exist as islands therefore we
need each other.” It was true “Thank you for making this day look this beautiful, it
really turned out great with you here. Thank you.” We clapped and sat down. the
music kept playing “We have a braai later on if your brothers are interested.”
Me: “Arent you going to ask them to stay?” he shook his head “I know you and
my father started off on the wrong foot but Hlangalezwe they are my family and
in order for our wedding to move smoothly you have to play nice with them, so go
to them and invite them.”
Hlanga: “Okay. You owe me for this because I don’t need them to marry you
again.”
Me: “After the new ride and the wine estate Nyambose wam you have a free pass
to Thingoland.” I said giggling and he laughed so loud and came to kiss
Hlanga: “I’ll hold you to that.” We kissed and he left, he went straight to where
the Nxumalos were sitting. Hlelo came over
Hlelo: “Nathan ruined my life!!”
Me: “What did he do?”
Hlelo: “Told baba about me dating his friend.” She rolled her eyes. I wanted to
know more but it was going to ruin my jolly mood “Are you still enjoying baby
shower?”
Me: “I am but also tired now and there is a braai later.”
Hlelo: “Go rest for a while, you are allowed.” She hugged me
Me: “Thank you for throwing me the best baby shower in the world.”
Hlelo: “You deserve it mama bear. Let me go attend the man, I am clingy and he
loves it.” She giggled while blushing, she was so in love.
Me: “I am happy you found love, Nqobani is a good man.”
Hlelo: “I know.” We sat and watched him and Hlanga talk and laugh from a
distance.
Us: "I love him." We looked at each other and laughed.
Hlelo: "I am talking about papa." She said giggling
Me: "I am talking about papa bear." We laughed, Hlelo was crazy man “Its weird
how we are best friends and our baes are best friends too.”
Hlelo: “I love it because it means theres trust.” She was right. I was really happy
and content, everything was coming together. That day I got the confirmation had
been searching for about who my family was and who I could depend on and it
was a tent full of them. My baby was lucky to be born into such love and unity, I
felt blessed above everything else and like my mother always said “After the
storm comes the rainbow” my current life was the rainbow had been searching
for.

»57«
CONTINUED
MUSA
Me: “Okay boys, we are here.”
Jnr: “Is he going to come back home mamiza?”
Me: “Of course he is but he needs to get better first and that takes time.”
Mpendulo: “Can we go see him already.” The boys and I were going to pay
Ndumiso a visit, they were back at home with me and it was like they never left. I
have to say these boys were really strong after everything that has happened,
they were still smiling and looking forward to seeing their father. We got to the
visitors lounge and we waited while they called him. He came out looking far
better than I expected him
Ndu: “My boys.” They did their famous handshake and hugged. It was a beautiful
thing to watch
Me: “I know there’s a garden here so the boys and I thought it will be great if we
had a picnic.”
Ndu: “That’s perfect, come this way.” He took the picnic basket and led us to the
garden and we set the picnic up and we started catching up over sandwiches and
fruits and juice. The boys told him about the friends they made at the foster home
and they wanted to visit them, to be honest I didn’t see it coming, I thought theyd
be traumatized more than anything but no my boys enjoyed their time there and
even made friends.
Jnr: “I need the bathroom.”
Mpendulo: “Me too.” They left us
Ndu: “I don’t know Omuhle they were never meant to go to that place to begin
with.”
Me: “But they did and it seems like they loved it and now they miss it Ndumiso.
Please agree Mthombeni, its good for them, I mean they have friends there.”
Ndu: “Okay but please be there as well.” I nodded “Okay then.”
Me: “You seem better than when you first got here.” He really did. He looked
cleaner and his beard was shaved.
Ndu: “Kicking an addiction is not easy but this time it’s about me wanting a better
life, a life more than being just a drug addict. I want to be clean Omuhle so I am
sticking to the program.” He really seemed determined and I had been getting
great reviews from his doctors.
Me: “You made the best decision and your friends and I support you 100%.”
Ndu: “Thank you.” He held my hand and we looked at each other “You’ve been
really good to me even though I feel like I don’t deserve it.”
Me: “No one is perfect Ndumiso, I for one can attest to that. You deserve a
second chance, you can count on me for anything.” I meant every word. I had
been so unfair to him and he took it for years, what better way to make it up to
him than to be there when he needs me most? He looked at me like how he did
when we first started dating, I liked it but I had to suppress those feelings and
remind myself that we were divorced and we were just friends.
Ndu: “Is everything okay with the babies?” I nodded smiling. The doctor was
worried about my weight, he said I wasn’t gaining enough weight and blood
pressure was worrying but he didn’t need the stress.
Me: “I went for a check up yesterday and now we know what we having.” I
handed him the scan “Its twin girls.” I had been dying to tell him.
Ndu: “Wow! That’s the best news, I’ve had in weeks.” We hugged “I am going to
get out of here soon, next check up I am coming with you. I am going to fix our life
Omuhle.” That’s the Ndumiso I knew, always ready to make things better.
Me: “I’d really love that.” I took a deep breath and looked at him “I have been
thinking about this for a while …”
Ndu: “What is it?” he sounded worried
Me: “Id like to legally adopt the boys. I am happy that you gave me guardianship
but its not enough for me. I lost them in the divorce and I don’t think I can handle
that they are not mine legally. I helped you raise them and I love them. Ndumiso
this is the only …” he put his finger on my lips
Ndu: “Calm down mamiza.” He was smiling, it made me happy seeing him like
that “It makes sense and I like that idea very much.”
Me: “You do?” he nodded and I hugged him “Thank you.” The boys came back
and we carried on joking and laughing until he had to go back.
Ndu: “I will see you guys soon, okay?” they nodded “I love you.”
Them: “We love you too.” They hugged and he looked at me
Me: “Take care of yourself.”
Ndu: “I will and thank you for the reading material.” I bought him magazines and
motivational books He hugged me as well and held my belly. I have to admit I
missed being in his arms and his touch was doing things to me “Be safe, okay.” I
nodded, he kissed my forehead and we went home. I was living at the house baba
bought during mamazi’s pregnancy because my brothers were too much for me
sometimes especially Lunathi with the different bimbos he bought home. I do not
know how Hlelo put up with that situation for years. We got home and they went
straight to watch tv while I cooked. I got a call from my mother
Me: “Mamazi.” She screamed
Mamazi: “Nosipho has a date!!!” I laughed “I am so happy but when she tells you
have to act surprised please.” I was still laughing “Woooh hayi I was really
worried.”
Me: “You and me both. Is the date with a man or a woman?” Aunty Kuhle was
married to a woman so maybe my sister inherited her gene.
Mamazi: “It’s a man. I will let her tell you the details but I wanted to tell you that
the incense that your fathers have been burning for years has finally produce
results. The Gumede ancestors have intervened!!” I laughed, my mother was so
extra sometimes
Me: “Its good news hay!”
Mamazi: “It really is. Anyways how are you?”
Me: “I am doing better thank you oh and I got a reply for that physio position at
Wits, I have an interview next week.”
Mamazi: “That’s great baby, the job is yours in the name of Jesus!” ever since I
have known mamazi, shes always been a church person.
Me: “Positive thoughts.”
Mamazi: “Indeed.” We carried on talking about Thingo’s baby shower that I was
really sad I was going to miss because of the boys and Ndumiso. After the call I
finished up cooking and the boys and I went to bed.
=======
Me: “I wasn’t expecting you here, don’t you have a baby?” why were my parents
still doing it guys?
Baba: “I do but I am here to deal with my other baby.” yes baba was in town.
Having him and mamazi around was always great.
Me: “What? I didn’t do anything babami.” He laughed
Baba: “You are pregnant Musomuhle.” I covered my face and he laughed. My dad
will always treat me like a child and to be honest I liked it. “I am here for
Gugulethu. I am worried about her.”
Me: “Okay. I will let you deal with her while I prepare for my interview.”
Baba: “Kill it.”
Me: “Will do.” While we were busy talking Hlelo called me and I went to answer it
in the kitchen “And wena someone is looking for you.”
Hlelo: “I know, I am actually avoiding him. Sisi I feel so bad Qwabe is main man,
avoiding him doesn’t feel right.”
Me: “Whats happening between you two, he says he’s worried about you.”
Hlelo: “Nathan told him about Nqobani.”
Me: “What? Tjoooh tip #1 Cook him his favourite meal.”
Hlelo: “Tip #2?”
Me: “Hope and pray it does the trick. All the best baby sis.”
Hlelo: “I need it!! Okay I am on my way back. I have to face him eventually.”
Me: “That’s true, you cant avoid him forever.”
Hlelo: “I will see you later then.” She hung up and I went to start preparing for my
interview. I was really determined about making a fresh start in Johannesburg, I
know it was never part of the plan to move to a whole different city but ever since
my divorce and therapy I have learnt that just because you wanted something
doesn’t mean you will be happy or that changing plans is the end of the world.
Baba: “I am go to check on your brothers.”
Me: “Okay.” He left, he was really worked up about Hlelo. He spoke less and you
can tell his mind was somewhere else, when it comes to Qwabe and Hlelo it was
best to let them handle their business not even mamazi got involved when they
fought. The job I had applied for was a physio-therapy job for their rubgy team, I
spent that day and night learning and refreshing my memory about sports injuries
and whatever I felt I needed to know for the interview and I later went to bed.
The following morning I drove the boys to school and I went to my therapy
appointment. To be honest I was enjoying it, Alice was the best and yes we were
on first name basis now. She opened my eyes to a lot of things, like at that
moment we were dealing with kicking certain habits I felt were not good for me
anymore. One of the habits I was trying really hard to kick was the habit of not
expressing my true emotions and to be honest it wasn’t easy. It’s just easier to get
over something because you are trying to keep the peace than to actually express
it, deal with it and then move on. We all know how much had been keeping in
over the years, I was a “sweep it under the rug lady” and eventually the rug got
uneven and my marriage tripped. After my session I went to check on Azande, she
was new to the family and all the mothers insisted that we rely on each other,
they believe its better to keep friendships closer to home, I felt they were just
worried about me since I had lost all my friends and husband.
Azande: “Hey, I wasn’t expecting you so soon. I haven’t even showered Ella and
Jay woke up on the wrong side of the bed and they are driving me crazy!” she was
really intense
Me: “Okay, it happens. Calm down.”
Azande: “Okay.” She sighed. Jay and Ella were watching tv quietly though. I
looked at her “What? I am not lying, they may be quiet now but a few minute ago
they were not.” She was really stressed out
Me: “I believe you.” I stood up “I am going to make you hot chocolate and
mushmellows.”
Azande: “No I am fine.”
Me: “Well I want it. Come.” We went to the kitchen while the nanny watched
over the kids. I made my hot chocolate and mushmellows
Azande: “So you walk around with mushmellows and hot chocolate in your
handbag?”
Me: “I cant help myself plus I am pregnant so I am allowed.” We giggled
Azande: “I kinda want it now.” I gave her the one I had already made and started
another cup “It tastes amazing.”
Me: “It really does.” I looked at her “So what’s up? I feel like you more than those
munchies woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” She took her phone and
scrolled it and showed me a picture
Azande: “It was taken this weekend, I don’t know what to make of it.” It was a
picture of Jaden and his parents on a picnic.
Me: “I thought things were fine between you three.” They were the epitome of
coparenting I felt.
Azande: “I usually deal with Sonia but the past 3 weeks it was Nathan. Nathan and
Jay even came back late last night. To be honest I am panicking.” She looked at
me “Nathan and I broke up, well he broke up with me because I have issues. Right
now I feel like those issues don’t matter if I am going to lose him. What if him and
Sonia start seeing each other again, he wont be cheating because we broke up so
I cant necessarily be mad.” She was crying now and you do not cry in front of a
pregnant woman.
Me: “Whats the source of your break up, cant you two fix it?”
Azande: “I haven’t fully accepted certain things about Nathan.”
Me: “The fact that he breaks the law?” she looked at me shocked “Nathan and my
ex-husband work together.” I sighed “Nathan and Ndumiso never stood a chance
at a normal life Azande. You should ask him why he does what he does.”
Azande: “I have never asked now that you mention it.”
Me: “To fully understand whats in front of you, you need the whole picture. With
Ndumiso you understood why he’d up in crime. He told me he started stealing
when he was 6 years old. Sometimes his mother would drink their money for food
and they’d have nothing to eat, neighbours got tired of helping them out because
his was mother was so irresponsible so to feed himself and his sisters he had to
steal.”
Azande: “That’s so sad.”
Me: “Just because you were lucky to have a normal childhood and someone was
looking out for you doesn’t mean everyone had the same luck. To them this is
normal, this is what they know. You know Firstborn believes you are his luck, yes
he’s not perfect but show me someone who is.”
Azande: “I think when it comes to Nathan, I am my worst enemy. I always find a
way to doubt him and push him away and he always stayed but this time it’s
different. He gave me what I have always wanted, him gone. I don’t want life
without him, I can’t function without him Musa.” Wow! Then why did he push
him away? She was really a mess. Azande was a girl who took care of herself but
the woman in front of me was a zombie.
Me: “Then sit him down and talk.”
Azande: “I am going to try. I want him back, you saw how grumpy I am and I
definitely do not want an invite to Sonia and Nathan’s wedding.” I laughed, oh she
was serious.
Me: “Calm down. Nathan is a good guy and he loves only you at the end of the
day.”
Azande: “I know, I am just an idiot.” I understood where she was coming from
though, its not easy accepting that your partner breaks the law or that one day his
luck might just run out and spend the rest of his life in jail. It was a lot to take in
but like I said it’s the life they knew and to them that was normal and its unfair to
judge them because we don’t know what they went through.
========
The interview was intense, I honestly don’t know how I did and I was up against
very experienced people. I was really stressed out and it wasn’t good for my
babies so I took myself out on a lunch date. I was going to eat anything I desired
on the menu, I was stress eater. I found a nice comfortable seat at Mugg n Bean
and I indulged.
Man: “Mind if I join you?” what? He was so good looking though. All light-skinned,
tall and well built, eye-candy I tell you.
Me: “I do actually.” I wasn’t in the mood for conversation, I was having a bad day.
Man: “Come on. This is the best seat here.” He played with his bushy eyebrows
and that did things to me. He was right that corner was nice and cosy.
Me: “Fine.”
Man: “Thanks. I am Kelvin Shoba by the way.”
Me: “Musomuhle Gumede.” He smiled at me, oh my!! He had the most gorgeous
smile with perfect white teeth and I smiled back.
Kelvin: “I am here to abuse the wifi.” I laughed because I was also busy with baby
research on my ipad and updating my phone software.
Me: “You are not alone.” I carried on doing my business which was eating mostly.
I could feel his eyes pierce through my bones but I ignored him.
Kelvin: “I have to confess.” I looked at him “I didn’t ask to join you because of the
comfortable spot but rather to get close to you.”
Me: “Why?”
Kelvin: “Firstly because I didn’t see a ring on your finger.” Wow, what a pick up
line.
Me: “I have to stop you right there. I am recently divorced and I am pregnant, I do
not want people checking if I have a ring on my finger or not.” He chuckled and I
was dead serious.
Kelvin: “He’s an idiot and I love babies.” He shocked me and he was smiling “Can I
take you out for dinner?”
Me: “No.”
Kelvin: “From the moment I entered the door I haven’t been able to take my eyes
of you, I am drawn to you Miss Gumede.” He wasn’t lying, he had been staring at
me since he approached my table. He had the deepest brown eyes. “Just dinner.”
Me: “I am really not interested.” I wasn’t, my life was too messy to even entertain
a dinner invitation
Kelvin: “Well I am.” He said in a stern voice and I popped my eyes. “Maybe I came
on too strong. How about we exchange numbers and we start from there.”
Me: “Emails.” He laughed and I wasn’t joking.
Kelvin: “You are not going to make it easy for me, okay fine. Personal emails.”
Me: “Okay.” And we did exchange emails. I ended up warming up to him. He was
actually a funny guy “You are lying.”
Kelvin: “I am telling you, Mampintsha and I le di mpintshi tsa gale.” I laughed. I
made the mistake of telling him I was originally from Durban and he just assumed
I know Big Nuz.
Me: “Mxm.” He was really good company but I had to fetch my boys from school
“It was really nice to meet you Kelvin but I have to leave you now.”
Kelvin: “I’ll walk you to your car.”
Me: “That’s wont be necessary.” He ignored me instead he settled our bill and
offered me his hand. “Thank you.”
Kelvin: “I am not a man who beats around the bush Miss Gumede. I made my
intentions clear, I want you and its just a matter of time.” What?
Me: “My intentions were clear as well, that I am not interested.” He smiled
Kelvin: “I know, you are divorced and pregnant but I feel like its an excuse more
than anything. Just so you know, I am also divorced but sadly we never had the
chance to have kids. So I know what you are going through who knows we might
be perfect for each other.” Why was I still listening to him? He was just confusing
me.
Me: “I have to go.”
Kelvin: “Is that it, is that all you going to say?” I nodded, what else was I suppose
to say? “I am a patient man Musomuhle.” I got into my car and left him standing
at the parking lot. This guy was too good to be true. He came out of nowhere and
he was interested in me just like that, kanjan (how)? I was numb when it came to
relationships. I didn’t need them and I wasn’t in the right space to handle them
and their complications. When we got home my grandmother was there, man
was I glad to see her
Me: “Gogo Gumede.” She laughed. We hugged “I missed you.”
Gogo: “That’s why I came to check up on you.” She went to plug the kettle “I am
going to make us tea and you will tell me why you cant stop smiling.”
Me: “What?” I couldn’t stop smiling for real
Gogo: “It’s a man, isn’t it?” I just laughed. Kelvin had an effect on me and my
grandmother could spot it.
Me: “I don’t know what you talking about.” I said smiling
Gogo: “All I am saying is be careful but you deserve to happy and don’t deny
yourself happiness.”
Me: “Okay. Thank you.” We sat and bonded over hot chocolate and tea. She was
lonely, you could tell. Mkhulu had been dead for a while and all her kids had lives
of their own so she involved herself in our lives. “How are you doing?”
Gogo: “I am good. I miss my husband but I am good.”
Me: “I miss him too.” We started talking about how uncomfortable he made
mamazi feel when she first got to the family.
Gogo: “It was really fun to watch. And he wasn’t even scary.” He wasn’t at all but
he did lack a welcoming smile. “Show me your sister from your computer Sisi.”
She meant we should skype with Nosipho
Me: “Okay.” and we did. Having my grandmother around was always so
refreshing and I loved having her around. I couldn’t shake what she said about not
denying myself happiness, to be honest I didn’t need happiness from a man. I
didn’t need it from Ndumiso or Kelvin yes they could be useful because pregnancy
hormones were driving me crazy and I got horny from just looking at people
kissing but that was 5 minutes pleasure but fulfilment and worthiness I had to find
it within myself. At the end of the day, I was in charge of my own happiness.
HLELO
Nqobani: “Baby you need to calm down.” I was pacing up and down his
apartment. I haven’t been fine since we came back from Thingo’s baby shower.
Me: “I cant calm down Nqobani, he is mad. Why is he mad at me, I didn’t do
anything wrong?” my dad almost caused drama at Thingo's baby shower just
because I was dating Nqobani
Nqobani: “I am Nathan’s friend and he knows what Nathan and I do.” Why didn’t I
think of it that way?
Me: “So what?”
Nqobani: “No father would accept our kind of relationship, baby your father is a
smart man.” why was he so understanding?
Me: “Mxm! I have to go, you annoy me because you seem to understand their
drama with Nathan.” I shouted for Sbonga so we could leave.
Nqobani: "Baby he's your father and I do not want you disrespecting him."
Me: "I know my place, I'll never do that."
Nqobani: "Good. Fathers are protective of their daughters and he'll never
understand even if things were normal and you need to accept that." I nodded
"Okay then. I love you."
Me: "I love you too." We left. I called Musa on our way home and just like I had
suspected he was in Joburg. We got home and they were playing video games
with my brothers “We are home.”
Baba: “Hlelolwenkosi we need to talk.”
Me: “Baba I am tired, I had been driving all day. Can we do this tomorrow?” I
went to hug him “I love you.”
Baba: “I love you too.” I went to bed, I was really tired plus I didn't get much sleep
from planning Thingo's baby shower. The following day Sbonga and I had our
morning routine
Sbonga: “Mkhulu said he is driving us today.”
Me: “What? No.” I went downstairs
Baba: “Are you guys ready, I am driving you today?” he had an unwelcoming face
Me: “Let me go get my handbag.” There was no disagreeing with him that
morning. We first dropped Sbonga off at school and he drove me to work
Baba: “I am not your enemy Gugulethu. I am always on your side.”
Me: “I don’t feel like you are Qwabe. I have a boyfriend and we are happy, you
haven’t even given him a chance yet.” he was already judging and he haven't even
met him.
Baba: “Princess I know him and I just feel like he wont give you the life you
deserve.”
Me: “Baba I am an adult now and I make my own choices. I get to choose the life I
want or deserve and all I need from you is your support.” that moment I realized
that I let baba baby me too much and he was never going to see that I was a
responsible adult.
Baba: “I will not support a life where you could possibly die Gugulethu, where you
could go to an early grave. What kind of father would I be to be okay with that?”
he parked outside my work place “You are in the process of becoming the
greatest prosecutor, now how are you going to be good at your job if you have
Nqobani in your life?” was he kidding me? Then I remembered my man's words,
he is never going to understand. He was a protective parent.
Me: “Nathan is family, why haven’t you disowned him because he and Nqobani
are the same? And baba why do you know so much about Nathan and Nqobani?”
I looked at him
Baba: “Since when do you question me Gugulethu?” he raised his voice at me “I
asked you a question?”
Me: “…” I took my handbag because I didn't have an answer to that “I have to go.”
Baba: “We are not done with this conversation. I will come take you out for
lunch.” It was an order
Me: “Okay.” He dropped me off and left. I was garuanteed a bad day after the bad
morning I had with my father. I hated fighting with him because none of us were
willing to back down.
Phila: “You look horrible.”
Me: “Rough morning.” I sat down on my desk “Are you good?”
Phila: “Always.” We started with work, I wasn’t in the mood for his weekend
updates. His life was way interesting than mine and I was always eager to hear his
stories but not that day. The day was less intense since I didn’t have court. As I
was busy working a case I got a call from the front desk, I checked the time and it
was an hour before lunch so it wasn’t my father.
Me: “Who is it?” she pointed at him. How did he find me, better yet why was he
here? I froze, I couldn’t move and I felt like I had lost control of my legs. My heart
was beating so fast and tears started streaming down my face
Meli: “Hey Hlelo its good see you.” he looked different. He wasn't the buff guy I
knew, he was fat and older. How did I fall for this guy again? I had to get out of
there “We need to talk.” I ran to the nearest bathroom and vomited and later
cried.
Mabusi: “Whats wrong?” she handed me tissue “Do you need anything?”
Me: “My phone, please.”
Mabusi: “Okay.” She ran out the bathroom. I was already having a bad day, I
didn’t need Melisizwe’s drama in it. She came back "Here"
Me: "Thanks." and I wrote a text in our family group chat and I called Nqobani
“Baby please come and fetch me.”
Nqobani: “You don’t sound okay mama ka Sbonga, talk to me.”
Me: “He’s here, he came to my office Nqobani!!” I cried. I was so scared, I was
even scared to leave the bathroom.
Nqobani: “I am 20 minutes away.” 20 minutes seemed long that day. What did he
want from me, I died like he told me to!!
Me: “Okay.” My dad called right after I hung up
Baba: “Do not leave your office until I get there, okay?”
Me: “Nqobani is fetching me, can we meet at home.”
Baba: “Okay I will be waiting.” I went to talk to my boss and she agreed for me to
take the rest of the day off. 20 minutes later my man came, I used the back door, I
didn’t trust that he was gone and he drove me home after we fetched Sbonga
from school. He was just happy that he got to leave school early
Me: “What does Melisizwe want from me?”
Nathan: “He wants Sbonga.”
Me: “What? The same child he said must die, that's not happening.” he wasn't
going to even get a sniff of him.
Baba: “Sbonga is Melisizwe’s meal ticket. After we blacklisted him, his grandfather
left him his estate with a clause that said he must have an heir.”
Me: “Sbonga is not Melisizwe’s heir. That is not happening.”
Gogo: “Haibo Ntomb’ emhlophe.” That nickname will never die “Sbonga is his
father’s just as much as he’s yours.”
Baba: “Oh no! Melisizwe has no say when it comes to Sbongakonke. Nathan I
asked you to deal with this.” he was pissed just like I was.
Nathan: “I delegated big man. It was Ndumiso who was supposed to handle this.”
Me: “Its clear that you all failed. Now that monster knows where I work.” I looked
at Nqobani “Now more than ever papa has to show up for that amazing boy
upstairs. He doesn’t need Melisizwe, he needs you. So tomorrow morning when I
wake up we wont be speaking about this because it will be over. Show me what
you capable of.” He hugged me and I let it all out. I cried in his arms. Melisizwe
didn't want to see me happy, it was clear that he'll only rejoice when I am dead
because I did what he wanted, what else was I supposed to do?
Nqobani: “Let me go tuck you in.” we went upstairs and he helped me into my pjs
and gave me one sleeping pill and we cuddled “I will handle this.”
Me: “I know.” We kissed. I didn't need the stress, Sbonga and I were finally happy
and we were stable. I know its seemed crazy that I trusted Nqobani so much but
him and my father needed to work together and this Melisizwe mess was one way
to bring them both together. Call it killing two birds with one stone.
Nqobani: “I love you Gugulethu, I loved you even more after that mini speech.” I
giggled
Me: “I love you too.” We kissed again and eventually the sleeping pills kicked in.
»57«
CONTINUED
Part 2
NQOBANI
The situation was really tense, Qophelo had been giving me a mean look since I
got to the house. Not to mention his sons had the same look as well, even
Nathan. But I kept on telling myself that I was there for my woman, there was
nothing I wouldn’t have done for her. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Mimi but I
couldn’t compare what I felt for her with what I felt for Hlelo. It was different, she
was different from the way she was, everything about her was genuine and she
was always so happy and hopeful, is that even normal or I was too blinded by
love? Back to the situation at hand, after I tucked her to bed I went back to the
men. It was time I showed the woman I loved that I could handle business and she
could count on me.
Me: “Before we get too far, Bab’ Gumede Hlelo is counting us to solve this for her.
I think it would be best if we put our differences aside for now and work together,
for her sake.”
Qophelo: “Just so you know I can handle my own family matters.” He looked at
Nathan “You had one job Nathan, just one. To keep that son of a bitch away from
my family.”
Nathan: “I know I messed up Qophelo. Like Nqobani said we need to figure things
out together.”
Qophelo: “It kills me to say this but, you are right.” He was looking at me.
“Gugulethu doesn’t want Melisizwe in their lives, she made that clear.”
Nathan: “And I personally feel that he shouldn’t even get a cent from that
inheritance.”
Qophelo: “Our plan to buy the estaste for Sbonga has failed because he knows
about him now.”
Me: “Do we take care of him, permanently or?”
Qophelo: “He is a desperate man if its not a permanent fix, he will come back.”
Nathan: “Lets find him and take care of him.” While we were talking a lot of
people came in. it was the four men and their wives I am guessing because of the
hand holding. Hlelo’s mother and the baby sister were also there. “Mamazi”
Mamazi: “Mxm!” she handed the baby to her husband. “Here’s whats going to
happen.”
Siya: “I knew it.”
Mamazi: “I am here as The King’s grandmother and advocate.”
Qophelo: “Don’t you dare Zusakhe with that he is his father crap!”
Mamazi: “It’s the truth Qophelo. No matter how hard you want to deny that and I
know that he is a monster. I am not doing this for him, its for Sbonga. He is going
to grow up and ask questions.” She sighed “Here’s whats going to happen, #1 you
are not going to kill Melisizwe. He is Sbonga’s father and tell me how will you look
him in the eye after you have succeeded?” yeah it was a tough one, I honestly
didn’t think of it like that “Unless you don’t care.”
Me: “Of course we care.”
Nathan: “You make sense mamazi.”
Mamazi: “Okay good! I know you have made promises to Hlehle about handling
this but she is emotional right now, Melisizwe put her through hell and she has
gone back there which makes her irrational. She is not thinking about Sbonga
right now.”
Mnqobi: “Zusakhe that scumbag doesn’t want a relationship with Sbonga. He is
his meal ticket, I don’t think he deserves to live.”
Lungelo: “I second the motion.”
Woman: “Can we let iPhakade lethu finish.”
Mamazi: “Thank you Mbali yethu. Look I know at the end of the day you will do
whatever you want but even if Melisizwe doesn’t want a relationship with his son,
Sbonga still needs the truth. So Quinton please draw up papers acknowledging
that Melisizwe is Sbonga’s father and emphasise that no contact will be made
until Sbonga is old enough to understand the truth and the decision to reach out
will be entirely his.” She was making a lot of sense.
Quinton: “This plan works mainly because Hlelo get what she wants, which is
Melisizwe gone.”
Nathan: “And it looks like that monster will get the estate after all.”
Qophelo: “Oh no! It wont be easy as pie. We are going to hunt him down and
Mighty Phelo will deal with him.” He looked at his wife “And if he dies, then the
world has one less problem to deal with.”
Mamazi: “Mxm.” He looked at me “Its nice to see you again papa.”
Me: “Likewise.”
Mamazi: “Everything is on the table now. Hlelo trusted you so handle it.” All the
men stood up. They started talking with their wives. It was a beautiful thing to
watch, even in disagreements they were still partners. I wanted that with my
woman.
Nathan: “Okay we get it, you love each other blah blah!” they laughed and we left
for the warehouse.
Mnqobi: “We are not sleeping until we get to the bottom of this.”
Me: “We first need to track him down. He is still in Jozi I can garauntee that.”
Lungelo: “Okay” he sat on the laptop and started doing his thing. He might have
been old but he knew what he was doing
Qophelo: “Can we talk?” he chewed his jaw. I was a bit uncomfortable around this
man. I couldn’t even keep eye contact, I respected him that’s for sure.
Me: “Okay.” We went to the club house “Beer?”
Qophelo: “I am good.” I took one out from the fridge. This man was scary, I
needed liquor courage. “Gugulethu said something this morning about me not
giving you a chance.” This conversation was uncomfortable for the both of us “I
don’t trust anyone with my daughters. Being a gangster and all that means I will
never trust you.” I expected that, it was unfair since him and I played the same
game but he was a father before anything else.
Me: “I understand.”
Qophelo: “Hlelo is my princess and she will always be.” He cleared his throat “I
am always the first person she calls when she’s in trouble but today she called
you. It bothers me but you being here and trying to fix this for her, I am less
bothered.” He looked at me “All I want for her is to be happy and she says she is
with you. Today I learnt that she needs me less now and that means she will need
you more, please take care of her.” I nodded. It killed him saying that, you could
tell.
Me: “Your daughter means the world to me, her and Sbonga. If you wondering
whether I am worth giving a chance, I think I am. I am not perfect but I will do my
best for them.” He tapped my shoulder twice. I took it as a good think especially
because his face was less tense.
Qophelo: “…” at the end of the day he was just a father who really loved and
cared about his daughter. And after the Melisizwe saga you understood why he
was extra vigilant and why he would trust no one with his child
Me: “We should head back.”
Qophelo: “We should.” We went back to the situation room.
Nathan: “You look fine.”
Me: “Was I not suppose to?” he nodded “Nathan I know things are messed up but
at least give me a chance to prove to you that I am good for her”
Nathan: “Do not hurt her Nqobani. I know its cold of me to say this but please
watch out for anyone who might try to get to you through her.” He was right, it
was cold of him but he wasn’t wrong either. I had to watch my back, front and
side this time. I wasn’t going to lose twice.
Me: “Its cold but I get it. I have my eyes on all sides.” He nodded and that
reminded me to deal with Zoe who hasn’t stopped busting my phone from
morning to sundown. We strategized and we came up with a plan but obviously
there were some disagreements because there was just too much testosterone in
one room
Me: "I feel it’s a bit too loud.”
Mnqobi: “That’s the point. Melisizwe will not get the point if we don’t make it.”
Me: “Okay then I will call the pilot.” The plan was we going to ambush the James
back in Durban.
Que: “Who knew, the James family aren’t clean as they appear to be.” He
sounded happy but he wasn’t wrong they were dirty.
Qophelo: “This is making the news after we have caused havoc of course.”
Me: “Or we can use it as leverage.”
Lungelo: “I like you.”
Nathan: “This is not about Melisizwe anymore but his family.”
Qophelo: “Family for family that’s how we play this. Is the jet ready?”
Me: “In an hour.” He nodded. I have to say you respected a man like that. The
lengths he’d go for the people he loved. I learnt something that day from all those
men. The guys and I called each other brothers but we had a long way to go.
Those men finished each others sentences and their bond was evident in the way
things fell in place when they were around.
Nathan: “Whats on your mind.”
Me: “I want what they have Nathan.” He laughed until he realized that I was
serious “Nathan would you die for me?” Nathan was my boy but I didn’t trust him
enough to die for him. With Hlanga it was different because we had been
together for more than two decades and we have seen each other through hell.
Nathan: “…” he hesitated
Me: “Those five in there would die for each other, its obvious.” I took a deep
breath “Things will fall apart Nathan because we all have different agendas. We
are not built on a proper foundation.” I looked at him “Nathan we could be facing
more than one adversary and we would never know because there are too many
moving parts and as the heads of the gang we are not united.”
Nathan: “I hear you Grootboom and I agree.”
Me: “We need their help and not just for our operations but for us.”
Nathan: “Okay. Lets handle the James’ first and we handle business.” He cleared
his throat “I have been where you are. I have also seen how they work and I have
always admired them. They taught me everything they know and I have to say I
never thought I’d fail like I have. From my marriage to the business they handed
over to me.”
Me: “You haven’t failed yet Nathan.”
Nathan: “I cant shake the feeling that I have. We still haven’t gotten to the
bottom of the problem Grootboom. To tell you the truth I don’t know who I am if
things will fall apart entirely.” I looked at him “I think we should go.”
Me: “We’ll figure this out.”
Nathan: “We have to.” We went back inside and took our things and flew to
Durban mind you it was late at night but they were so determined. As soon as we
landed I got a call from my woman
Me: “MaGumede.”
Hlelo: “I woke up and you were gone.”
Me: “Your man is handling things like you instructed him to. Are you feeling
better?”
Hlelo: “I am. Thank you for dealing with this. Nqobani I cant face that man and I
do not want him anywhere close to my son.”
Me: “Our son.” She giggled
Hlelo: “Yes. I do not want him anywhere close to our son.”
Me: “Your father and I will make sure of that.”
Hlelo: “What? You and my father?”
Me: “Best believe, we are best buddies right now.” She laughed
Hlelo: “Those are the greatest news.”
Me: “I have to go. We’ll talk later baby, I love you okay.”
Hlelo: “I love you Mashiya amahle njenge nyamazane!!!” My clan name, damn it!!
She won me.
Me: “I could kiss you right now.” She giggled and it was the sweetest thing
Hlelo: “I miss you.”
Me: “I will see you soon. Take care of my son okay.”
Hlelo: “His gogo is in town he doesn’t even know me. Sbonga umfana ka gogo
ngikutsele (he’s a granny’s boy I tell you).” I laughed
Me: “Is someone jealous?”
Hlelo: “Its pointless to be jealous at those two plus I have you.”
Me: “You do. I really have to go now.”
Hlelo: “Okay.” We hung up. She really did sound better.
Hlanga: “Whats this all about?” I had to call him because we needed cars to move
around Durban
Qophelo: “Are you coming or nah?”
Hlanga: “I am coming, the cars are this way.” He led us to the cars. Those who
knew the way drove us and damn that house was the shit, the James were living
large. It begged the question why was Melisizwe a scumbag? Next thing the
grown men started playing music at the loudest volume and they shot guns in the
air
Me: “WHAT THE FUCK?” Nathan was laughing and Hlanga looked like he wanted
to join in. Quinton started spinning the car and the car happened to be Hlanga’s
BMW.
Hlanga: “If you cant beat them join them my guy.” He was enjoying this so much
and I was so shocked. Hlanga also started spinning the car we were in.
Nathan: “I am joining them.” He took out his gun and also started shooting in the
air. These men were more gangster than I thought. I have to say it also gave me
an adrenelin rush what they were doing. They started singing or rapping I wasn't
sure.
Siya: “Spinning in circles, live my life without rehearsal If I die today my nigga was
it business? Was it personal? Should this be my last breath I'm blessed cause it
was purposeful Never got to church to worship lord but please be merciful You
made me versatile, well-rounded like cursive Know you chose me for a purpose, I
put my soul in these verses Born sinner, was never born to be perfect Sucka for
women licking their lips and holding these purses Back when we ran the streets
who would think we grow to be murderers Teachers treated niggas as if they
totally worthless And violent, and hopeless I saw but never noticed that a college
point is right to be”
Quinton: “All you can be' posters Rest in peace to Tiffany I don't know if this is the
realest shit I wrote But know that the realest nigga wrote this And signed it, and
sealed it in a envelope And knew one day you would find it And knew one day
that you would come back and rewind this, singing…” it was a show, these men
were performing and the James family had phones and were trying to call the
police but we had signal jammers so no call can come in or out.
Them: “I'm a born sinner But I die better than that, swear You were always where
I needed you to be Whether you were there or not there (I was there) I was born
sinning But I live better than that (better tonight) If you ain’t fucking with that I
don’t care (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Lungelo: Yeah, this music shit is a gift But God help us make it cause this music
business is a cliff I got a life in my grip, she holding tight to my wrist She
screaming: "Don't let me slip" She see the tears in my eyes, I see the fear on her
lips True when I told you "You the only reason why I don't flip and go insane" My
roof in the pouring rain You knew me before the fame, don't lose me the more I
change Just grow with me, go broke you go broke with me I smoke you gon'
smoke with me Woman's curse since birth, man lead her to the hearse”
Mnqobi&Qophelo: “I go Bobby you go with me damn Listen here, I'll tell you my
biggest fears You the only one who knows them Don't you ever go expose them
This life is harder than you'll probably ever know Emotions I hardly ever show
More for you than for me Don't you worry yourself I gotta do this for me They tell
me life is a test but where's a tutor for me Pops came late I'm already stuck in my
ways Ducking calls from my mother for days Sometimes she hate the way she
raised me but she love what she raised Can't wait to hand her these house keys
with nothing to say Except”
Them: “I'm a born sinner But I die better than that, swear You were always where
I needed you to be Whether you were there or not there (I was there) I was born
sinning But I live better than that (better tonight) If you ain’t fucking with that I
don’t care (yeah, yeah, yeah)…” they started screaming and hugged each other. I
was also so hyped up!
Qophelo: “Zonke endlini (Everyone in the house)!!!” he pointed them with his
gun. The ran inside like chickens.
Quinton: “Bhekifa James.”
Bhekifa: “Quinton Malinga.” He sat down next to his terrified wife “I have always
known you were a criminal just like the criminals you defended.”
Qophelo: “You are one to speak father of a rapist.”
Woman: “What? Who is a rapist?”
Me: “Your one and only son.”
Woman2: “My husband is not a rapist.”
Nathan&Mnqobi: “Husband??” They laughed. Quinton placed his gun on the table
and span it until it pointed at Melisizwe’s wife
Quinton: “Here’s what’s going to happen, you will call your rapist husband and
tell him we have held you hostage.” He handed her his phone and told Lungelo to
switch off the jammers
Qophelo: “Umtshele ukuth sekufike uGumede manje akazanga ukuzodlala (Tell
him Gumede has landed and he’s not here to play games).” She made the call and
said exactly what she was told.
Me: “We want him back here now!”
Wife: “He said he’s on his way.”
Me: “Good.”
Bhekifa: “You wont get away with this. You holding a judge hostage.”
Mnqobi: “We’ve done worse than a judge.”
Woman: “Please don’t hurt us.” We laughed
Lungelo: “Bhekifa when are you telling your wife about the family in Mtata?” he
stood up and helped himself with his whisky
Woman2: “Tata, bathetha ngantoni (Dad what are they talking about)?” Bhekifa
was so uncomfortable
Me: “Wife number 2 or 3 I don’t know just got herself a new car.” I looked at
Meli’s mother.
Woman: “I knew it!! How could you Bhekifa?”
Bhekifa: “Calm down Cynthia.”
Cynthia: “Calm down, calm down?” she started crying.
Qophelo: “While their marriage falls apart here’s the reason why we are here.” he
looked at the wife “Your husband has been adamant on finding his son so he can
get his inheritance.” She nodded “Well he made a mistake of impregnating my
daughter who was his student at the time and didn’t know any better. When he
was done using her for whatever void he was trying to fill he threw 5 hundred
notes at her and told her to kill that thing and die with it.” He stood up and threw
the coffee and that made everyone jump “So it will be a cold day in hell that he’ll
get a sniff of what my daughter created. He wont see him and definitely wont
know him.”
Wife: “I didn’t know.” She also started crying and the mother weeped even
louder.
Qophelo: “Well now you do.” He kicked whatever was in front of him and went
outside. We all followed him. All of a sudden it was silent, hours later Melisizwe
got home and we all attacked him. Qophelo and I hit him harder than anyone.
Quinton: “Get up you son of a bitch.” He kicked him and Melisizwe tried but he
couldn’t, we did a lot of damage to him. We picked him up and made him sit on
the couch. “Sign this.” He didn’t waste time he did with his shaking hand. He
didn't even ask what he was signing.
Qophelo: “The plan was to kill you but no death is too easy. I will let you live for
my grandson, to see how useless you are.” He shot his knee and he screamed so
loud. While he was still crying for his knee he shot his spin close enough to
paralyse him. “Call him an ambulance.” He said while he wore his medical gloves
and took out both bullets from his knee and spine. “Lets go.” We followed him
and we got into our cars and left. A lot happened in that house, we left a big mess
to clean up. We left the judge with his file full of cover-ups and payments he’s
been getting for giving false verdicts. He wasn’t going to say anything to anyone
that’s for sure. The jet was ready for us and we flew back to our lives. Qophelo
came to me and shook my hand “I guess we’ll be seeing each other. Hurt her and
you are next.” He was really warming up to me, woah wait a threat as well.
Me: “...” he left me standing there lost.
HLELO
The love in this family was superb. Why was I letting Melisizwe get to me when I
was surrounded by so much love? All the mommys came to check up on me and I
was so happy, I loved the attention but mostly their support.
Gogo: “Hlehle you know being a mother sometimes means putting your child’s
needs over your own.”
Me: “I get that gogo. The best choice I made was keeping Sbonga even when that
monster had broken me beyond repair. I chose Sbonga over my needs and I am
glad I did.” I sighed “Gogo Melisizwe didn’t want me, and he didn’t go through all
the efforts to find Sbonga to have a relationship with him either. He is here
because he is broke and needs my son to help him get what he wants. Melisizwe
will always serve his needs above anyone else’s. What kind of mother would I be
if I expose my son to that kind of man?”
Gogo: “…”
Me: “What is Sbonga going to gain from him being in his life?” I looked at her
“People are capable of change, maybe that is true but not Melisizwe James. Its
takes a special kind of man to prey on young girls, and I am using special very
loosely. That kind of man has no soul gogo and that’s the man you want my son to
meet.” I left the kitchen and went to join the mommys in the living room. Maybe
my grandmother was right, maybe Sbonga deserved a chance to meet his father
but I believed there are just certain things a child should be protected from. I
wanted Sbonga to believe he was wanted and he came out of love. The minute he
met Melisizwe his life was going to change and my son was too precious for that.
We waited until midnight and the daddys were still not back, we all went to bed
because it was obvious they weren’t coming back. The following morning I woke
and got Sbonga ready for school and I for work. Life had to move on and my
father and man were going to handle this for me.
Mamazi: “Good morning!”
Me: “You are up early.”
Mamazi: “I have a baby and one of the perks is early mornings.” She looked
exhausted, she drank her tea. “Don’t you want us to exchange children just for a
few years.” I laughed at her because she wasn’t being serious.
Me: “The sleepless nights and colic episodes sorry andizi!” I looked at her “I hope
you tied your tubes.”
Mamazi: “Of course I did. I am not a baby making machine habe!” we laughed
Me: “So Nosipho is dating an English man.” We laughed and high-fived
Mamazi: “She sent me his picture hehe. Your sister unama levels.” yes my sister
was with a white man.
Me: “She is so happy mamazi and glowing.”
Mamazi: “Sex does that.” I laughed and she was serious
Me: “We have to go. I will see you guys later, right?”
Mamazi: “We wont leave before seeing you if that’s what you want to know.
Greet papa for me.” she said with a smile.
Me: “I feel like you are obsessed with my boyfriend more than me.” my mother
spoke about Nqobani more than me, it was worrysome. She was all over him at
Thingo's baby shower.
Mamazi: “I am, he has that thing man.” I laughed
Me: “Sbongakonke lets go!!” I looked at my mother “You know you are not
normal right.”
Mamazi: “Define normal for me?”
Me: “Me, I am the definition of a normal person.”
Mamazi: “That’s why you are a boring person.” Sbonga walked in with his school
bag and mamazi gave him his lunch “Mama is boring, right King of the castle?”
Me: “Forget about hot chocolate and mushmellows while you at it.”
Sbonga: “…” we laughed
Mamazi: “Enjoy your day guys.” She hugged us and we left. I dropped my son off
at school and I also drove to work.
Phila: “OMG!!! GeeGee I was so worried about and your phone was off.” He gave
me the tightest hug.
Me: “I am sorry friend yesterday was the worst day plus it was Monday. I am back
now and we will kick ass in court today.”
Phila: “You are working with Molapo today. All the best.” He hugged me
Me: “I was planning on having a good day. Why does she hate interns so much?”
Phila: “Ask her and tell me what she said.” We laughed and we parted ways.
Mabusi: “There’s guy looking for you. Your love life is so interesting mo’ghel.”
Me: “What?” I was so confused
Mabusi: “Its always men looking for you. I count 3 men in the past week.”
Me: “And you just assumed they are all my boyfriends?’ I looked at her “Mxm!”
she wasn’t worth it. I went to see who it was. “Baby!!” I jumped him with the
biggest hug “And?” I wanted feedback
Nqobani: “All is well.” That’s all I needed to know. I didn’t want anything that my
ruin my happiness. I kissed him
Me: “Thank you.”
Nqobani: “Anything for you.” We smiled at each other. I loved him man!
Me: “Are you and my father okay?” I really hoped my plan worked.
Nqobani: “We are best friends.” We laughed
Me: “That will never happen.”
Nqobani: “True but everything is okay.” I didn’t know what to make of that. As
long as my father accepted my relationship with him that’s all I needed.
Me: “Okay. I have to go back and prepare for court. You are amazing, you know
that.” I kissed him “Thank you once again.”
Nqobani: “Don’t thank me MaGumede. I am your man and its my job to fix our
problems.”
Me: “Okay. What do want, anything and I will make it happen? I just want to
make you happy.” he chuckled and came to my ear
Nqobani: “You in these heels and those red strings of yours.” I laughed
Me: “Done!” I kissed him one last time “I love you, okay?”
Nqobani: “I love you too.” We hugged and I went back to my work. For once in my
life I could feel things falling into place. I was genuinely happy and I was content
with the way my life was moving.
========
Me: “Papa can you clear this weekend for me weekend?”
Nqobani: “Why, is everything okay?”
Me: “Its perfect. Sbonga wants to go ice skating and I thought we should make it a
family thing.” I was planning to surprise him.
Nqobani: “Okay.”
Me: “Oh you never gave me feedback about the psychiatrist.” He brushed his
head and couldn’t keep eye contact with me. “You didn’t make the appointment
did you?” I shook my head “Nqobani you woke me up at 3am this morning which
means you woke up to another nightmare. What if I was sleeping next to you?” he
called me this morning claiming to miss me. it was lie I could tell, from the sound
of his voice.
Nqobani: “Hlelo I am not ready to talk about my past okay, I am just not.”
Me: “Do you want to get better?”
Nqobani: “Of course baby I do.”
Me: “If you want it bad enough Nqobani you will also understand that there is no
right time to face your past and that you have to push yourself more than waiting
for something to happen.”
Nqobani: “…”
Me: “Nqobani the more you delay this the less I will trust being in the same bed
with you.” I took my handbag “I have to go bake Sbonga’s cupcakes.” All that
school did was demand things from me and it was so frustrating.
Nqobani: “I will make the appointment Hlelo.”
Me: “That’s what you said 3 weeks ago. I do not trust anything that comes from
your mouth now.” I went to kiss him goodbye “I love you.”
Nqobani: “I love you too.” He held my hand “We are fine right?”
Me: “I don’t know. Baby I am worried about you, this is serious.” He was scared, I
could tell. “You want me to go with you?”
Nqobani: “No I will do it on my own.”
Me: “Baby I love you and I do not see you differently because of your nightmares
but Nqobani they are a problem.”
Nqobani: “I know.” I hugged him. “Please don’t give up on me.”
Me: “Not anytime soon.” I hugged him again “We’ll get through this.”
Nqobani: “Okay.” We kissed “You should go.”
Me: “I cant leave you alone now, you will just drink yourself to sleep. Lets go.” He
smiled and took his phones and we left. Dealing with someone with emotional
scars was hard, it needed one to have patience. Being with Nqobani was a huge
character test, I do not think most people would’ve stayed with him if they really
knew what he was going through.
Musa: “Sbonga papa is here.”
Me: “Everyone calls you papa now.” He chuckled
Nqobani: “I am papa vele.”
Sbonga: “Papa come let me show you my schoolwork.” Schoolwork, really?
Me: “What happened to sisterhood sisi. Sbonga’s cupcake notice is on the fridge.”
Musa: “Hlehle I am turning food into humans and it takes a lot.” I laughed at her
because she was dramatic. “Bake fast, I kinda want cupcakes now.” Wow! “I want
them with custard.”
Me: “I think we have two cartons of Ultramel.” She smiled. I didn’t have time to
start things from scratch, I bought easy mix flour. I think they specifically made
such things for working moms
Musa: “So I met this guy.”
Me: “What? You moving on already?”
Musa: “Gogo says I should try and see. Hlelo I am so horny.”
Me: “Pregnancy hormones can do that. Does he know you are pregnant?”
Musa: “I told him upfront, he doesn’t seem to mind. He actually asks about my
pregnancy and he sends me research about pregnancy and childbirth, gosh Hlehle
I think I like him.” My sister was even smiling.
Me: “Be casual and see where it goes. Don’t be too hard on yourself, you also
allowed to have fun.”
Musa: “Hlelo I am not a casual type of girl. I am date and get married type of girl.”
Me: “And look at where you are. You are divorced with kids on the way.” I sighed
“Life is moving on and times are changing Musa and its time you changed with it.
All I am saying when you moved here the plan was to start over that means your
mentality has to be refreshed as well. You don’t need complicated right now, you
need casual and simple.”
Musa: “Okay, I will think about it. You right hay, I have to do things differently this
time.”
Me: “Don’t over think things.” She nodded “So tell me about this guy.”
Musa: “Kelvin Shoba. He has this thing about him that just, I don’t know he
doesn’t beg. He just tells you want he wants or what he is going to do. Its such a
turn on.”
Me: “Gosh you are so horny.”
Musa: “I am. I am really considering casual right now, just rock up at his hotel
room with my pregnant body.” We laughed
Me: “Text him that and lets see what he says.”
Musa: “What? No Hlehle that’s crazy.”
Me: “I need to teach you the game wena. Watch here.” I took my phone and
typed a text to papa “I cant wait for you to help me out of this dress😛😛.” I sent
it

Nqobani: “Get here now🍆🍑!!!” Musa and I laughed so hard.

Musa: “Lets try Kelvin. Wooooh Hlehle I am scared.” I took her phone and typed
“What would you do to my pregnant body if I rocked up at your hotel
room?🤔🤔😛😛” I sent it. “What if he doesn’t answer Hlehle?” she didn’t even
finished her sentence a beep came through the phone “He texted back!!!”
Me: “What did he say?”

Musa: “Here I was thinking you are already at my door waiting to found out.😈😈”
We screamed!! Her phone rang “Hlehle he’s calling me!! What do I say?”
Me: “You first have to hear what he has to say so answer the damn phone
Musomuhle!” she answered and my sister was blushing like an idiot. I almost
burnt those cupcakes busy flirting with Kelvin. “And?”
Musa: “I am going to get some Gugulethu.” I laughed “Please help with the boys.”
Me: “Don’t worry I will take care of them. I want details when you come back.”
We laughed as she left the house.
Nqobani: “I am waiting for you.”
Me: “I am still busy, help me please.”
Nqobani: “What do you need?”
Me: “ice the muffins please.” I showed him how and he did it while I baked. It was
really good having him in my life.
=====
Nqobani: “No way!!” he kissed me “I love it!!”
Me: “I am glad.” We were going on a weekend getaway, just us two to
Magaliesburg. “Surprise #2 I only packed strings and heels.” He laughed so hard.
That’s what he called my lingerie.
Nqobani: “You need to let me drive because you are slow woman.” I stopped the
car and I let him drive “I love you so much.”
Me: “I love you too.” He was so happy, he couldn’t stop stealing glances at me.
We got to the place I had booked and it was just like how I requested it.
Nqobani: “Come here.” We kissed “We are definitely making a baby this
weekend.” Did he say baby? Please stop him
Me: “A baby?”
Nqobani: “You are ruining the mood Gugulethu.” He traced his tongue up and
down my neck. I think my mood was already ruined
Me: “Nqobani you do not drop a baby bomb on a weekend like this. We need to
talk about such things.”
Nqobani: “I want a baby with you Hlelo.”
Me: “Now?” he nodded “Nqobani I cant have another baby out of wedlock. My
father would kill me and I also don’t want to.” I sighed “I am not saying marry me
but that’s where I am at.”
Nqobani: “Okay.” He kissed me “I love you.” What?
Me: “Are we on the same page?”
Nqobani: “We are sthandwa sam.”
Me: “Okay.” We went back to making out again. We needed that weekend alone,
it was so amazing. We were so in love and we got closer together. We spoke
about the future and what we needed from each other and the relationship. We
loved each other, it was evident and we were going to make this work no matter
what life threw at us. I have to admit, he felt like home.
»58«
NATHAN
Me: “Feelings, emotions or love. They are a way of making people vulnerable and
weak and I hate that. Azande had my heart at the palm of her hand and she was
busy squashing it. Ouma I was fine before she came and sat next to me on that
flight. Firstborn was in control of himself and his business and he had everything
under control. Now everything is falling apart because I had been so unfocused.
It’s not her fault though, I let it happen. She will never accept what I do, I realize
that now and I accept it. I also don’t need someone who wont love me they way I
am. I have to let her go, it kills me but I have to.” I was at my grandmother’s
grave, being there always calmed me down and it also gave me perspective. I had
lost myself in trying to be a perfect father and a husband to a woman who wasn’t
my partner to begin with. Azande didn’t appreciate my efforts, I always had to
tiptoe around her just so she doesn’t leave me and that’s not the way to live. I did
the best I could and it was clear that my best wasn’t enough for her. “Some men
aren’t meant to be happy. They’re meant to be great. I might be down now but I
will rise and be great in the underworld. That’s all I have now anyway.” I was done
with love, it took away the focus I needed to be powerful and great in the
underworld. After I was done talking to Ouma I left to fetch my son and his
mother. Sonia was moving to Mpulanga, she got a job there.
Me: “Are you guys ready?”
Sonia: “Yes daddy, we have been waiting.”
Jay: “Daddy, daddy!!” I picked him up and span him around and his giggles meant
everything to me. He was growing up so much and he was such a playful boy.
“Again daddy!!” it will never end with Jaden.
Me: “We have to leave Jay, take your bag to the car.”
Jay: “Okay daddy.” They way he said it, it warmed my heart. Jay was my best little
man. He took his backpack while I took Sonia’s bags to the car. She strapped
Jaden on his car seat. She said her goodbyes to her aunt and we left.
Sonia: “Thank yo so much for offering to drive me and the job as well.” She was
going to work as secratary at the mine I took over from Caleb.
Me: “Its for Jaden.” I didn’t want my son thinking I let his mother suffer. Sonia
was still someone who lied to me but we were raising a son together so I had to
show up to picnics and whatever she wanted me to do.
Sonia: “Are things between you and Azande still bad?”
Me: “…” I sighed “I don’t want to talk about my marriage Sonia.”
Sonia: “Nathan you were a good comforter when my marriage was rocky.” I didn’t
like where this conversation was going “I don’t mind being your comforter.” She
giggled.
Me: “…” Mpumalanga seemed far if Sonia was going to suggest that I cheat and I
was actually considering it because technically Azande and I were broken up “I
don’t need a comforter.” It was lies, I needed comfort specifically Azande’s
comfort. After that I turned up the volume and I let the music do the talking. The
drive to Mpumalanga was long and tiring but we eventually got there. “It’s a two
bedroom apartment, fully furnished and here are your keys.”
Sonia: “This is a nice place and it seems safe.” That was the point. I needed Jaden
safe at all times.
Me: “You also just an hour and a half drive away now.” It was way better than
flying to Durban every weekend.
Sonia: “I can even come visit him when I am not busy.”
Me: “Visit who, because Jaden comes to you every weekend?” she was crazy
“We’ll let you settle in and we will come check up on you tomorrow.”
Sonia: “Okay.” She said in a low tone
Me: “What is it?”
Sonia: “Nathan I am new here and I haven’t lived alone in a while. I am scared,
please spend the night.” What? She was grown ass woman with kids.
Me: “Okay fine, Jaden and I will take the other room.” She smiled
Sonia: “Thank you. Maybe we should go buy food because I still have to buy
pots.”
Me: “Okay.” We ended up spending the night with my boy. The following day we
helped her buy things for her place and we later went back home. “Here is
daddy’s goddess. Kisses!!!” She showed me her gummy smile, the only thing I had
now was the kids, including her siblings because they were my family too “I
missed you nana.” She tried to poke my eyes, she does that a lot. “Where is Sonke
and Lethu?”
Azande: “They are upstairs.” I nodded and I made my way there “Nathan can we
talk?”
Me: “Nope. I am not interested Azande.” She looked hurt and I wasn’t moved.
“Sonia works in Mpumalanga now, I just thought you should know.” Maybe I
wanted to worry her, I also don’t know.
Azande: “Okay.” I looked at her to see her reaction to the news of my baby mama
being so close, she was hurt. I also noticed that she looked different, lighter than
her usual skin tone.
Me: “This is what you wanted Azande, you are not tied to a gangster anymore.” It
was for the best, I really didn’t need her drama of being indecisive.
Azande: “Nathan that’s not what I want, baby I just needed time to fully
understand your job.”
Me: “How were you going to understand Azande when you have never asked me
a single question? All you did was judge me, you and that ex of yours. You know
what go be with him, angith yena uperfect.” She started crying
Azande: “Nathan hear me out.” I shook my head.
Me: “At first this was tough love, it was me trying to show you that we need each
other and that no one will ever love you like I do but the more I stayed away the
more I realized that your love had terms and conditions Azande. Why should I
have to give you tough love to notice me and my efforts regardless of what I do? I
will never be the man you want and I will never meet your high expectations
regardless of the fact that I loved you the only way I could.” I left her there and
went to watch cartoons with Lethu and Sonke in their playroom.
Azande: “Nathan please.”
Me: “The kids Azande!” was she crazy, it’s never a good idea to fight in front of
the kids. I left Ella and Jay with Sonke “What is it?”
Azande: “I want to understand why you do what you do, maybe it help ease the
fear?”
Me: “I tried to let you in Azande and you dismissed me.”
Azande: “I know and I am sorry but I am ready to hear you out Nathan.”
Me: “Azande not now please, I have a lot going on.” I left her. I loved that woman,
don’t get me wrong. Azande is the love of my life and I will never love any woman
like I love her but she wasn’t on my corner, she wasn’t on my side like I needed
her to be.
====
Now that Melisizwe was out of the picture, it was time to handle business. My
sole focus was getting to the bottom of who was trying to burn my house down
and how?
Me: “Musomuhle I am a busy man, make this quick.”
Musa: “Ndumiso is coming back on Friday Firstborn and I am throwing him a big
welcome home party.”
Me: “Okay, what else, do you want us to him together or you want to go alone?”
getting involved in other people’s love affairs was a bad idea. Look at how
invested Musa was on Ndumiso who happened to be her ex-husband and I had
been so pissed at the guy for hurting her. Ndumiso was one lucky idiot, he got the
ideal girl.
Musa: “I wanted the boys and I to fetch him and also go for my scan, he’s missed
so much already.” He was definitely an idiot
Me: “Okay have your family day ke.” She giggled
Musa: “You and the guys have to show up, that’s why I came here.”
Me: “We’ll be there, I promise.” She nodded smiling. “How are you doing?”
Musa: “I am better, the babies are growing so all is well.” She brushed her belly, it
was like it wasn’t there though or was I used to Azande’s belly? I gave her a hug.
Me: “That makes me happy. You my sister, you know that right?”
Musa: “Always, when I moved to Durban you were the big brother I had been
longing for.” We laughed
Me: “I am glad then. Did you get the gig?”
Musa: “Still pending, I am so nervous Nathan. I didn’t know how much I wanted
this until now.”
Me: “You will get it. Look at how you got Nqobani’s shoulder back in shape, you
good at this.”
Musa: “Thank you for saying that. I will leave you to your “job” then.” She even
made air quotes
Me: “I will see you on Friday then.” We hugged once more and she left my pool
house. While I was busy Hlanga and I video called and spoke business since he
was handling Durban. Nqobani and Chance came in
Nqobani: “Nathan, Lwando needs to get here, we need him.”
Chance: “I was about to say the same thing. If we are going get help from the big
guys he has to be here.”
Me: “Okay I will call him.”
Nqobani: “Eee Thuba bra!!! You were not there when the 5 men did damage in
Durban!!” I laughed at him, he was still in shock of how crazy they were.
Chance: “What are you talking about?” I took out my phone and showed him a
video I took. “AAaaaah this is it bafana bam!” we laughed
Nqobani: “It was a performance, can you hear them rap to J.Cole.” we laughed
even harder “We need to be better than this.”
Me: “Definitely.” He was right we needed to be next level.
Nqobani: “I am craving their unity.”
Me: “We will get there Grootboom. We just need time to allow ourselves to
grow.”
Chance: “That’s true, such bond takes time. Rome wasn’t built in a day
Grootboom.”
Nqobani: “I agree.”
Me: “Lets get down to business gents!” we all sat properly “I have managed to
find where we are being hit the most and that’s the smuggling of these people
drugs, guns and cars.” I showed them the papers.
Chance: “I have also had to cancel five car heists in the past 2 months, its not a
coincidence.”
Nqobani: “We definitely have a mole.”
Me: “We need a game plan and a solid one on how to handle this so Qophelo and
his guys are definitely coming.”
Chance: “The sooner the better.” He was right. While I was busy talking business
Azande came in followed by the kids.
Azande: “I will drop Jaden off with his mother.”
Me: “Okay, thanks.”
Azande: “The kids and I are going to Durban for the night.” I stood up and went to
kiss my baby girl and hug Jay, Sonke and Lethu
Me: “Okay then. Travel safe.” They left the room and Chance and Nqobani looked
at me
Nqobani: “Its enough now Nathan, I think she gets it.”
Chance: “Nathan you’ve taken this tough love too far.”
Me: “Gents I love that woman, she is my world but I feel like I am not the guy for
her. I don’t have a 9-5 job and my job is risky and maybe scary for her. The selfless
thing to do is to let her be happy even if it’s without me.” I sighed “And also the
fact that she’ll never accept me the way I am, I don’t need that especially right
now.”
Nqobani: “You giving up too early Nathan. Nothing about our life is normal, this a
bomb and it might take a while for Azande to get on board.”
Me: “Maybe I am giving up too early but Azande immusculates me with this
Mxolisi thing. I want to kill the guy, believe me but he’s not worth. I will forever
compete with him even from the grave.” I looked at them “This conversation is
over.” We carried on talking business and they left after. I was all alone at home
and I hated it, I missed the kids.
Sphe: “Hey Bhuti.” I decided to check up on her.
Me: “I cant believe you really gone, I miss you.” She laughed
Sphe: “I miss you guys too. How is everyone?”
Me: “They left me all alone, they said they are coming there.”
Sphe: “Why didn’t you come with them, hawu bhuti?”
Me: “I am busy Sphe. Are you studying, do you need anything?”
Sphe: “Yes I am studying, I do need money. Puma dropped new sneakers and I
need them.” She loved sneakers, no actually her and her sister loved shoes.
Me: “How much?”
Sphe: “The sneakers will need an outfit and …” I laughed, this child.
Me: “How much?”
Sphe: “5k.”
Me: “Okay I will transfer it to you but Sphe I need you to focus on what is
important.”
Sphe: “Of cours bhuti, my priorities are on point.” that's why transferring the
money was worth it, she knew what was important.
Me: “Okay then, I love you and take care of yourself.”
Sphe: “I love you too and take care yourself as well.” We hung up. I went to make
myself food and my phone rang, it was Sonia
Sonia: “Nathan, I am not feeling well and Jaden is so needy.” What?
Me: “Okay, I am on my way.” I made a quick sandwich and I left. I got there and
she did look sick, she was even pale. “What is wrong?”
Sonia: “I don’t know, I think I am coming down with something.”
Me: “Okay go lie down and get some sleep and I will take care of Jaden. We’ll take
you to the doctor in the morning.”
Sonia: “Okay. Thank you.”
Me: “Do you need anything?”
Sonia: “Maybe green tea.”
Me: “Okay.” She went to her room and I made her green tea with lemon, that’s
how she liked it I remember from our time together. I took it to her and I found
her and Jay in bed together “Here you go.”
Sonia: “Thank you, aah you remember that I like it with lemon.” I nodded “You
are the best.”
Jay: “Juice daddy.”
Me: “My best man wants juice huh?”
Jay: “Yes, yes!!” he jumped on the bed
Me: “Juice coming up!” I went to pour it for him and I gave him his sippy cup
Jay: “Dankie.” I laughed
Me: “Dis ‘n plesuur!” I looked at Sonia who was busy smiling “I will be in the
lounge.”
Sonia: “Okay.” I left them. I was slowly dosing off on that couch, I went to the
other room and it was untidy with clothes on top of the bed. I had no choice but
to take the couch. “Nathan.”
Me: “mmm!”
Sonia: “Come and sleep with us. I am sorry about the bed.”
Me: “I am fine.”
Sonia: “The couch is uncomfortable and my bed is big enough. I insist.” She wasn’t
going to let me sleep on the couch
Me: “Okay.” We all slept in one bed. Jay was already passed out.
Sonia: “I am sorry Nathan. I am sorry for denying you and Jaden a chance from
the beginning, it was for my own selfish reasons and I was wrong.”
Me: “…” I didn’t have anything to say.
Sonia: “You are a good man Nathan, I have always known that and with the way
you are with our son, he is lucky to have you.”
Me: “Thank you for saying that, good father maybe but good man I don’t know.”
Sonia: “Relationships can make you doubt your self-worth, I am living proof of
that. Just because it failed with someone it doesn’t mean you are a failure as a
person. I am learning that now.”
Me: “I have never looked at it that way. You know being with you was so much
easier because I was who I was and I didn’t have to be something I am not just to
make you happy. You accepted me the way I was.”
Sonia: “I know. It was less pressure and less complicated, we were who we were. I
was the woman who was cheating with her husband and you didn’t judge me for
it. You accepted me.”
Me: “With love things are so complicated and I don’t think I am cut out for it. I did
my best and that’s all I had.”
Sonia: “I am available if you want no complications.”
Me: “Let’s get you better first.” She giggled
Sonia: “Okay. Goodnight.”
Me: “Goodnight.” I was a free agent and that meant I was allowed to do whatever
I wanted, right?

»58«
CONTINUED
NARRATED
Shaun: "So did you get through to him?"
Sonia: "No I didn't, I need time. He's a bit difficult to get through and his phone is
so closely gaurded."
Shaun: "You don't have time, then you can forget about our deal."
Sonia: "That's not fair Shaun!"
Shaun: "Life is not fair!!!" He stood up from the couch "You need to do this or you
can forget about ever seeing your kids again."
Sonia: "Why Shaun, why do you want to take Nathan down so bad?"
Shaun: "I have watched Nathan slide through life with no problems, he even got
you pregnant Sonia!!!! How do think that makes me feel?"
Sonia: "I am the one who cheated Shaun, Nathan has no part in our marriage
failing."
Shaun: "Oh he does. So you need to get me his phone or I'll tell the kids you died."
Sonia: "What?" She didn't believe it "He's Jaden's father Shaun."
Shaun: "Do I look like I care?" He took his car keys "Do it Sonia, you know what's
at stake." He left Sonia's apartment. Sonia was left conflicted, she had grown a
heart for Nathan because he has seen her through shit. She picked up her phone
and dialled his number
Nathan: "Sonia."
Sonia: "Hey I wanted to say thank you for taking care of me this past weekend."
Nathan: "Sure."
Sonia: "I am better now."
Nathan: "Look Sonia the man I was before and after Azande are different. I don't
have meaningless sex anymore."
Sonia: "It doesn't have to be meaningless."
Nathan: "I love Azande. You are my baby mama let's not complicate things, our
son deserves better from us." Sonia was surprised by how Nathan had matured. It
didn't take much to get him to bed.
Sonia: "Nathan can you be the one to bring Jaden this weekend, we need to talk."
Nathan: "I will what I can do. Shap." He hung up. Sonia sat and thought about the
situation she was in. She missed her kids and Shaun had shipped them to Cape
Town to make sure she was far from them, she was considering on betraying
Nathan for just a second to see them again. At the same time, what about Jaden
who was daddy's best man, she loved seeing them together. Was Shaun to be
trusted? She thought about how much he has changed and she also remembered
how he just kicked her and Jaden to the curb and only Nathan tried to help her
pick up the pieces. Was she willing to betray Nathan? She took her phone and
called Shaun
Sonia: "What guarantees do I have that I will see my kids again?"
Shaun: "Bring me Nathan's phone and we'll talk about weekend visits."
Sonia: "I don't want talks Shaun, I want a sure thing, guarantees."
Shaun: "Weekend visits, I assure you." He hung up. At the end of the day Sonia
was a desperate mother who hasn't seen her kids in two years. There is no telling
what one will do in desperation.
AZANDE
Me: “I am so scared Ntandokazi, I am scared that I have already lost him. He
doesn’t look at me the way he did before, the only conversation we have now is
about the kids. When I initiate the topic about us fixing things he leaves the room.
He seems happier living in the pool house.” I was sobbing at this point. My life
was a mess and I was responsible for it falling apart. “I don’t know what to do
anymore.”
Ntando: “What do you want Azande?” I looked at her, what kind of question is
that?
Me: “I want Nathan, I want our old life back.”
Ntando: “The life before you knew what he does or the life after you “accepted”
him but changed your mind?” she made it sound crazy.
Me: “I am not going to apologize for my feelings Ntandokazi.” I wiped my tears
“What he does for a living is not normal and its really hard to accept that my
husband is capable of taking a life.”
Ntando: “I agree, it’s the hardest thing to comprehend. Azande you are allowed to
leave him because he wont stop doing what he does, Nathan is who he is.” She
was right, Nathan was willing end things with me than stop what he was doing. “I
am coming back.”
Me: “Okay.” I hope she was coming back with a plan to help me and she stood up
and went upstairs. Yes I was in Durban, I took the kids and I drove us to her
house. Ntandokazi was only 10 years older than me so I felt I connected to her
more than the other ladies. She came back with a photo frame and she handed it
to me. It was a picture of her and Qophelo with what looked like vows.
Ntando: “Qophelo and I didn’t have a wedding, we had a commitment
ceremony.” Wow! Okay “Those are the promises I made on that day. Read the 3rd
promise.”
Me: “I promise to choose you everyday even when choosing you doesn’t make
sense.” I read and it hit home. I looked at her
Ntando: “Azande you do not know half of the crap that man put me through, if I
told you I don’t think you will ever look at me the same way again. Qophelo has
lied, cheated and he has cheated and made a baby. And on top of that he is a
gangster BUT with all that and more that I didn’t mention he is my husband and I
love him. So on days when uncertainty and doubt creep in I remind myself of
promise #3” I nodded because she was making sense “And I recite it until it sinks
in, I promise to choose you everyday even when choosing you doesn’t make
sense. At the end of the day with that man the good outweighs the bad.” I needed
to think of promises I will make to Nathan on the day I marry him because I was
going to be Mrs Pierce, promises I was going to keep and stop being on and off. I
needed to grow up and be the woman he needed. “You know I tried leaving him, I
even served him with divorce papers.” Hawu, I needed to hear this.
Me: “What?”
Ntando: "I did and he fought me until I gave up. We went to court, it was a huge
thing.” It was unbelievable those two were so inlove “I was pregnant with the
tripets at the time and Simo’s mother was also pregnant.” No way, I would’ve left
a long time ago we all know that “Our lives were a mess and there was no hope
for us, we too slept in separate bedrooms. I didn’t tell him I was pregnant I was
too emotional, I felt betrayed by him so I told him through my lawyer and I
attached the ultrasound and the date of my next appointment. I wasn’t sure if he
was going show up or not and he did, that day I remembered why I fell for him in
the first place. Qophelo is a man who doesn’t take no for an answer, not when it
comes to his family. That’s the type of partner I needed, I am weak Azande and I
give up easily and that’s where he comes in and fights for our love.” Ntandokazi
gave me the perspective I needed. Nathan wasn’t a perfect man and I too wasn’t
a perfet woman, I ran away when things got hard, I wasn’t a fighter like
Ntandokazi. She might say she was weak but to me she was strong for being able
to forgive her husband after he betrayed her to the point of impregnating another
woman and later raising that child. The type of person I was and the type of
person I was to Nathan, the man I claimed to love so much, I know I wasn’t going
to stay with him. I mean how many times have I left him for not being what I
expected him to be? I had really been unfair.
Me: “Ntandokazi ngifuna ubaba wezingane zam (I want Nathan) and I want him in
whatever form he comes in, I don’t think what he does matters now. I am such an
idiot because Nathan hasn’t cheated on me or betrayed me in a way that leaving
will make sense.” I sighed “He has stayed with me even when I pushed him away
with meaningless things like his ex flings.”
Ntando: “To tell you the truth I never expected this kind of life too, it took me by
total surprise but I didn’t marry Qophelo to live a fairytale life anyway. He is not a
perfect man nor am I a perfect woman, I have my issues but he stays with me
regardless of whatever I throw at him. So I need you to understand that no matter
where you go sisi you will have problems, yours is the fact that he kills. I am sure
your ex has his faults as well and the ex before the ex. You married Nathan, we
were there to give your family gifts, why did you feel you can take that step with
him?” Good question.
Me: “I feel like the news of him being a gangster came as a total shock and I also
let Mxolisi get to me.” she was confused “My ex boyfriend is a cop and he
happened to be investigating Nathan. He came to me at work and said while I play
happy family I must remember that I sleep next a murderer. It was too much, he
was judging me for my choices.”
Ntando: “And you care? Azande people will forever judge whether you are doing
good or bad. What matters are the choices you can live with, I told you this.”
Me: “I know.”
Ntando: “To me he sounds bitter and he would’ve found something else wrong
with your man had he not known what he does for a living.”
Me: “You are right. Thank you for sharing this with me.” I pointed at the frame “I
love your promises, they make sense.”
Ntando: “Making them is easy, sticking to them is the hard part. Don’t be too hard
on yourself MaJele, you are only human and Nathan should get that.” I nodded
“You also need to also put yourself in his shoes, this hot and cold thing of yours is
childish and exhausting. You are a grown woman, a wife and a mother Azande
you cant afford to be indecisive especially over what your ex-boyfriend says.
Imagine if Sonia did that?” At the mention of Sonia’s name I got so worked up.
Sonia was making moves on my man, it was so obvious. “That face you making
now shows that you have been unfair. How do you expect our Firstborn to stay
when your ex’s ghost still wanders your house? I mean you two have been
postponing your wedding, we’ve even gained the weight back. Even my
Qhawekazi will get married before you at the pace you are moving.” I laughed at
that part, Qhawekazi was still a baby though.
Me: “I think I needed this time apart to see things clearly and to also see what
really matters. Nathan matters most, he loves me. I know that and even when my
insecurities got in the way he reminded me that its was me he loved. He is the
man I need and its time I became the woman he needed.”
Ntando: “That’s good. Azande uncertainty and doubt are given when you share a
life with someone else just like conflict and arguments and on those days it’s the
time when you have to stay true to why you chose to be with him in the first
place.” She was right “You strike me as the honeymoon phase girl. You only want
him when he’s buying you cars and supporting your shopping habit and the
endless I love you's he throws at you. And that’s not okay, Nathan he is not
perfect and because of that fact it means he’ll disappoint you, he will probably
make you cry and make you hate your life and you need to find something to hold
on to and remind yourself that it’s a bad day not a bad life.” She stood up “Come
this way.” We went up the stairs and she led me to some room. “This is the place I
come to remind myself that life with him is worth it.” It was a room full of pictures
and trophys and drawings
Me: “Its beautiful.”
Ntando: “We fight in this room but this also the room where we kiss and make
up.” She sighed “I am trying to show you that life is what you make of it, there is
no manual for a perfect marriage. So you need to decide what kind of partner you
will be to him and what kind of marriage you want with him and that will happen
if you talk less to Mxolisi and talk more to your man.” I just hugged her. “If Nathan
being a gangster bothers you, leave him Azande and I will help to do that. You
come first and so does your happiness so you can raise his kids.” I didn’t want to
raise our kids without him.
Me: “You are the best.” She giggled
Ntando: “I am glad I could help. Now let’s go feed you and my grandchild.” I
looked her, I hadn’t told anyone “I am a mother of 100 kids. I have a nose for
these things.” We laughed. Yes I was pregnant, I made the mistake of missing a
dose of the pill and boom I am pregnant again. Like I said Mxolisi got to me, he
even made me forget taking the pill. We went straight to the kitchen and she
started dishing up for me. Seeing her was a good idea. I was going to do
everything in power to get Nathan back. The kids and I stayed the night and went
visit Sphe before we drove back
Sonke: “Uyathanda yini university Sphe (do you love varsity)?”
Sphe: “I do but I miss you guys. Sonke are you behaving?” she nodded “And
wena?” she looked at Lethu
Lethu: “Wena Sphe awubuyi (You don’t come back)”
Me: “She’s studying nje. Are you still fine?”
Sphe: “I am fine just sleep deprived.”
Me: “I cant tell. Drink a lot of water and you need to change your hairstyle.”
Sphe: “I haven’t had time to find a salon this side.”
Me: “Ask Sasa and Thando.”
Sphe: “Good idea. Okay hambanike.” I was shocked “I need to meet up with some
friends.” She didn’t need me anymore, I was finding it really hard to accept that
and that’s where Nathan came in, he helped me through it.
Me: “Wow, okay.” I could feel tears making their way out my eyes, I tried fighting
them
Sphe: “Please don’t cry sis Zande.” But I failed.
Me: “I miss you.” She hugged me
Sphe: “Ella Bella mommy misses daddy.” She looked at me “Sis Zande you are less
clingy when you and bhuti are happy.”
Me: “We are going to be fine. We just need time.”
Sphe: “I know, that’s why I let you wake me up at 3 am in the morning.”
Me: “It was just once Sphe.” We laughed. I missed my husband and I was so horny
that night of course I didn’t tell Sphe that but I was putting it out there.
Sphe: “He called me yesterday saying he’s lonely, you all left him all alone.”
Me: “He did?” she nodded smiling, I don’t know but that kinda made me happy
“We will leave you to whatever plans you have”
Sphe: “Now I kinda want you stay Ella Bella.” My daughter just smiled, she did
that a lot “Thank you for the food. I love you guys.” My sister wasn’t feeling us,
she really wanted us gone.
Sonke: “Love you too.” She hugged us one by one and we left her. I was a bit
worried, varsity was changing my sister. The kids and I left and it was time to fix
my marriage.
==========
Nathan: “Azande why did you move my things?” step 1 was underway which was
moving my husband back into the house. When I came back from Durban he
wasn’t home so I decided to move his things back in the house.
Me: “Because that’s where they belong Nathan. Baby I have been trying to get
through to you by wanting us to talk and you wont give me the time of day so I
am making my point with actions now.” He looked at me, he didn’t trust me
anymore.
Nathan: “Why even bother when we are going to fight and I will be back there
again.”
Me: “That’s not happening, no more pool house or guest bedroom. Nathan I am
not a honeymoon phase type of woman anymore, I am evolving I am sticking with
you black or white.” I took off my gown and he laughed. That was step 2, give him
assurance that I was here to stay.
Nathan: “Boss Lady??” He carried on laughing. I had printed out a t-shirt it was
written Boss Lady, that’s what all the guys that worked for him called me.
Me: “I am owning the title.” I also added a crown “If you are a kingpin that makes
me queenpin.” He was smiling, I think I was winning
Nathan: “Where is my crown?” he liked it.
Me: “Baby I was trying to make a point.” I moved closer to him “Nathan we are
both not perfect people.”
Nathan: “I agree, Azande I will never give you a normal life and baby you deserve
the best and I feel like it’s not me. I am forever trying to impress you and assure
you that you in safe hands but its clear that you don’t trust me.”
Me: “I know and I don’t want a normal life Nathan. I just want a life with you in
it.” I tried to kiss him and he moved away from me. “Nathan I am trying.”
Nathan: “Azande I love you, you own my heart. I want a life with you, it’s the only
thing I want but baby I am who I am and I do what I do. Azande as much as I hate
to admit it, Mxolisi was right I am a murderer. I am owning who I am and baby
Caleb wasn’t the first body I have dropped and I am still going to drop more
bodies. Tell me will you be okay with sleeping next to me after you have heard me
say that?” he tried to get close to me and I moved back “Exactly.”
Me: “…” it wasn’t easy for me.
Nathan: “If you love something set it free, right?” tears streamed down my face.
That saying has never made sense to me.
Me: “I am pregnant.” He face lit up and I cried
Nathan: “I want to hug and kiss you right now but …” he chuckled “Those are best
news ever.” He had glossy eyes “Thank you Azande and I do love you, that will
never change” I opened my arms for him to hug me and I just cried on his chest
Me: “Why is this so hard Nathan?” he made me look at him “I mean I love you too
but ...”
Nathan: “I know you love me and that’s the best thing that has ever happen to
me. You are a good person MaJele and for that I am lucky to have fathered your
kids because we’ll forever be connected. I cant change you and I don’t want to,
your good heart is the reason why its not easy to accept what I do.” I was crying
and tears were just streaming down his face “This for the best.”
Me: “Best for who? Nathan this is not what’s best for me.”
Nathan: “Baby you want to want me and accept me but the reality is I don’t come
in the form that you can handle.” He was right, I couldn’t handle him killing.
Ntandokazi was right making a promise was easy, sticking to it was the hard part. I
wanted him so bad but he came with too much.
Me: “I just need time Nathan that’s all, please don’t give up on me and our
family.” I was a mess at that point “Nathan I am nothing without you”
Nathan: “Azande I cant wait forever.” He was right, how long was I going to need
time? “Maka Buhle I want you to know its okay, your feelings about me I
understand them and don’t ever change from what you believe in. Azande you
are a gem and I don’t deserve you.”
Me: “That’s not true, we deserve each other.”
Nathan: “I have you through our kids now and I am okay with that.” He held my
belly “I love you.”
Me: “I love you too.” We looked at each other
Nathan: “Getting my own place makes sense but I want to be here for my kids and
through your pregnancy.”
Me: “Okay, so we are really over?” I didn’t believe it. He was the love my life
Nathan: “Its not because we don’t love each other. Our choices aren’t aligned and
there is nothing we can do about that.” He tried to force his choices down my
throat and he failed and I know he will never stop killing. We were at an impass
Me: “Our love was doomed from the beginning.”
Nathan: “Maybe but I have no regrets.” I started kissing him, it was for the last
time “Azande I don’t think its okay.”
Me: “Nathan I want sex from the man who made me pregnant!” he laughed
Nathan: “Okay.” And we went back to kissing “So for the duration of your
pregnancy I am allowed to have sex with you?” I nodded smiling because he was
smiling too “What if I told you that I used my penis to kill people?”
Me: “What?” he laughed at me “That’s crazy.”
Nathan: “I am joking.” He took off my top and we contined with the making out.
One thing led to another and we had the most amazing sex in the world. Deep
down I knew it was just my pregnant body enjoying it but my heart was heavy.
What did all of this mean for me? Was I back in the dating pool to be played and
cheated on? Not forgetting being judged by everyone that I left a man with two
kids or even the possibility of men not wanting to commit to me because of the
mess I was. I mean Mxolisi couldn’t handle the fact that I was taking care of my
siblings and now I had more baggage in the form of two kids. I tried to be what
Nathan needed and even took advice from the pros, I mean Ntandokazi was the
epitome of a functioning marriage to a gangleader but I just didn’t have the heart
for it, and he understood it and I think I loved him more for accepting me for who
I was and not wanting to change me. He said he was setting me free but I didn’t
feel free at all. It then occurred to me that Nathan and I were a hopless situation.

»58«
CONTINUED
Part 2
NDUMISO
The day for me to finally go home came, and I have to say I wasn’t as excited as
anyone who was in my position should be. Home for me meant Omuhle,
Mpendulo and Junior but I didn’t have that anymore. I fucked up, I am man
enough to admit that, and one thing I had learnt during my recovery was that
truth is the only ground to stand on. I packed the last item into my bag and I
made my way to the waiting area. I had already said my goodbyes to the friends I
had made in there.
Receptionist: “Ready for the outside world?”
Me: “Is that even a question?” We laughed “What is the time?”
Receptionist: “09:37” Omuhle was 37 minutes late “She hasn’t forgotten about
you, she’ll be here.” I chuckled
Me: “I know.” We carried on talking about my wife, noticed that I said wife not
ex-wife well I had a plan to get her back, no matter what it took. I can’t believe
how dumb I was to have just given up so easily, after working so hard to get her
down the aisle, the hoops I had to jump and I proved her fathers right. Anyway
the receptionist was busy telling me how my wife indirectly checked up on me
through the doctors and her. “I am a lucky guy.” We laughed
Omuhle: “Who is a lucky guy?” she came in looking amazingly beautiful with her
black tight fit dress that was showing off her pregnant belly and heels. I couldn’t
help but smile “I am so sorry I am late. I woke up late, my life is a mess.” She was
even running out of breath
Me: “Its okay MaGumede.” I was smiling this whole time “Come here.” I opened
my arms and I gave her the tightest hug. It was really good to see her
Omuhle: “Are you ready?” we pulled out of the hug.
Me: “…” I just looked at her “I am an idiot for letting you go Omuhle.” She looked
at me shocked, I took her hands and kissed them. Then tears streamed down her
face after “The truth is I wasn’t inlove with you anymore and that’s is expected
when you have been married to someone for 7 years. Our time apart and this
place made me realize that you are it for me, you are home for me MaGumede
and I love you and I am falling for you again.” It felt good telling her that.
Omuhle: “…” she just cried “Arg pregnancy hormones.” She fanned her face
Me: “I am sorry for the way I treated you before, I forgive you for all your faults.
You are not perfect Musomuhle and I should’ve been more patient with you.”
Omuhle: “Ndumiso I took you for granted and you divorcing me was within your
right. Its okay at that time you needed space from me but …” I didn't want to hear
it.
Me: “Please give me a chance again. One last chance to make you happy.” I took
her hand “I know I dropped a bomb on you, so take your time to think about it.”
Omuhle: “Ndumiso I …”
Me: “Promise me you will think about it.”
Omuhle: “Okay.”
Me: “Great. How are my girls treating you?” she giggled
Omuhle: “They are fine. I was thinking that maybe we should go for my check up
today so you can see for yourself.”
Me: “I’d really love that.”
Omuhle: “Okay. Here is your wallet together with you driver’s licence. You are
driving.” I chuckled and I took the keys “Take us home, we have to fetch the
boys.”
Me: “Okay.” We drove to her parents’ house and the boys were already waiting
for us. They got in and we left for our doctor’s appointment.
Jnr: “This the first time mamiza takes us to the doctor with her.”
Omuhle: “You are always at school guys. Today was an exception because daddy
is coming back home.”
Me: “I have to say, I feel special right now.”
Mpendulo: “More than who?”
Jnr: “I am the most special person in this car.”
Omuhle: “We are going for my check up, I think I am VVSP, Very Very Special
Person.” We laughed, it felt good to be back and having my family with me, I don't
think it got better than this.
Me: “Mamiza wins guys.”
Jnr: “Mxm!” we got to the doctor and they were already waiting for us. The
doctor did her thing
Mpendulo: “What is that loud sound?”
Dr: “The babies’ heart beats.” My wife’s eyes got glossy “They are very strong
little girls.”
Jnr: “I am going to have 2 sisters?” he was smiling
Omuhle: “Yes.” I took her hand and squeezed it.
Me: “I am happy.”
Omuhle: “Me too.” We had been staring at each other this whole time.
Dr: “Everything seems better than our last check up.”
Me: “What was wrong?”
Omuhle: “Nothing big, don’t worry we are fine now.” It seemed like she didn’t
want to dwell on this
Dr: “I am happy.” She took off her gloves “You can get dressed now while I write
your prescription.” I help her put her dress back on and shoes “Here” we took the
sonogram
Me: “Thank you doctor.” We left her office.
Omuhle: “From here we are going to Rocco Mammas, I am craving a nice juicy
burger.”
Mpendulo: “I want a burger too.”
Omuhle: “It’s, I also want a burger.” My wife liked correcting us, it was one of the
things that annoyed me about her actually but I loved her so I let her be. I drove
us to the mall and we went straight to Rocco Mammas. We had a really nice
family bonding session and I got the feeling that its exactly what my wife wanted.
After eating we went shopping, mostly for her since she was gaining weight
everyday according to her “While they go fit their clothes I wanted us to talk
about the living situation.”
Me: “Our lives are a mess right now, I agree but baby they need both of us under
the same roof.”
Omuhle: “Ndumiso we have already traumatized them enough with the divorce
and them living in a foster home. Let’s not confused them by adding a
relationship to this. I wanted to suggest that you move-in at the guesthouse at my
parents’ house until we have a plan we can stick with. You are right they need
both of us supporting them under the same roof.”
Me: “Omuhle I am not confused, I want you back. I told you that when I got out I
was going to fix my family.”
Omuhle: “Ndumiso you had a girlfriend the last time I checked.” Oh this is why
she didn’t seem happy about my proposal.
Me: “She wasn’t my girlfriend, she meant nothing.” I made her look at me “I love
you Musomuhle.”
Omuhle: “Can we visit this conversation after I give birth. Ndumiso I am very
hormonal right now.”
Me: “Okay, I am not going anywhere. In the meantime I am buying us a house, we
are a big family now.”
Omuhle: “That’s true, we are growing.” I hugged her and the boys finally came
out. We paid for their clothes and we left
Jnr: “We usually went to the beach after the mall.”
Omuhle: “We are Joburgers now my boy, there is no sea breeze.”
Me: “I thought you were starting to like Joburg.”
Mpendulo: “I am not complaining.” We laughed and I drove us to Omuhle’s
house.
Omuhle: “Rest up and do whatever, I have an errand to run.”
Me: “Okay.” I followed her to the car “Baby you don’t trust me anymore and I get
it. I am the guy who gave up on you, all I am asking for now is for you to grant me
a chance to prove that I am a changed man.”
Omuhle: “Okay, I will think about it. I didn’t think you will want me back, I don’t
think I have forgiven myself for the way I treated you.”
Me: “Please forgive yourself mamiza, not everything was entirely your fault. I also
had a role to play with our marriage falling apart. Let’s put the past behind us and
move on, if not for us then for our kids.”
Omuhle: “I can live with that. I really have to go, I will see you soon.” She drove
out and left. I was left with my thoughts. I really had to get my life in order
Jnr: “Dad are we moving back to the apartment?” he didn’t sound happy
Me: “Do you want to?” he shook his head, I understood though I really
traumatized them in that place “Then we are staying here.” While we were busy
talking I heard male voices
Nathan: “Ndumiso Duma!!!”
Hlanga: “Mthombeni!!” I laughed because he imitated Omuhle’s voice
Sizwe: “My boy is back!!” we did our handshake
Nqobani: “Looking fresher then aquafresh.” We all laughed at him
Me: “You guys are crazy.” I looked at the last person who entered the door “LD
Nkosi!!”
Lwando: “ND!!” we laughed “You good?” we fist bumped
Me: “Never been better.”
Nathan: “Before we get you into a party mood, are you okay with coming back to
work?”
Me: “As in like yesterday.” They laughed
Chance: “Great! We have a mole.”
Me: “Wow! You know how to make an opening.” I looked at all of them and they
all have straight faces “Okay then #1 ditch all your simcards, now!!!” at they did
as told
Lwando: “I don’t have a gang number.”
Me: “Good! Until I have looked at our systems, we only talk face to face.”
Hlanga: “We also moved operations to Durban.”
Me: “Smart move. I will head there tomorrow, just get the jet ready for me.”
Nathan: “Okay then, let’s bounce.”
Me: “Where to?”
Sizwe: “To the strip club.” We all turned and looked at him “I am joking!”
Me: “Lets drop the boys off with Sbonga’s nanny.” And we did and they drove me
to a golf estate. “Golf really? Gents I know I'm an addict but golfing as my
welcoming party.”
Hlanga: “Its better than the strip club trust me.”
Nqobani: “Nothing beats the strip club.”
Nathan: “Says a man who is dating my sister!”
Me: “What?” I looked at them “Which one?”
Chance: “You do not know half of the shit that has been going on. Nqobani and
Hlelo.” I laughed and looked at Nqobani
Me: “Grootboom!! You have eaten the Gumede fruit hahaha!!! Once you go
Gumede, you can never go back!!” they laughed and I wasn’t lying
Voices: “SURPRISE!!!!!!”
Me: “WTF!!!!!!” I was met by the biggest burner written “Daddy’s Home”
Omuhle: “Welcome home daddy.” She was smiling, I didn’t care about anything
else I went straight for her lips
Me: “I love you.” I baby kissed her again “Thank you for this.” We hugged
Omuhle: “You are welcome. Enjoy and mingle with your guests, I will be at the
buffet. Omw Ndumiso, I cant stop eating!!” She started crying. I was so lost
Me: “You are eating for 3 mamiza, its okay. You can eat all you like.” I wiped her
tears.
Omuhle: “Okay lets go dish up for me then.” We went to the buffet
Hlelo: “Hey bhuti!” we hugged “Are you okay?”
Me: “I am perfect.”
Hlelo: “Congratulations on the twins. Sisi uses them as an excuse now.” We
laughed “I am serious, yesterday I asked her to pass me the salt and her excuse
was, she cant lift her arms because she’s pregnant.” I laughed so hard
Me: “Its her first pregnancy, let my wife be.”
Hlelo: “Your wife?” I nodded “Its not because it her first pregnancy usisi likes
attention nje.” We laughed “Let me leave you.”
Me: ‘It was good seeing you. I hear you and Grootboom are a thing.” And she
turned red that instant
Hlelo: “We are.” She was smiling
Me: “I am happy for you two.”
Hlelo: “Thanks Ndu.” We hugged again and she left.
Voice: “Hey stranger!!” I knew that voice, it sounded so familiar. I turned around
Me: “Zamile!!!” it was my sister, the one born after me “How did you get here
and when?”
Zamile: “I got here today, Musa paid for my flight.” Wow!
Me: “Are Thandi and Ncami coming?”
Voices: “We are here!!” I was so happy to see them.
Me: “It's really good to see you guys.” We hugged
Zamile: “We are sorry for not being there for you, I thought Musa was bitter
about the divorce.”
Me: “You need to cut her some slack, she’s not a bad person.”
Them: “We know, we are sorry Ndu.”
Me: “You need to apologize to her.” I looked at them “Go now!”
Them: “Okay”
Me: “She is the mother of my kids and I love her, I need you to accept that.”
Ncami: “I thought you divorced.”
Me: “We are talking about fixing things, especially for the kids.”
Thandi: “She’s good for you Ndu, I think I was hostile because I felt like she was
taking our place in your life.” It was understandable, it has always been just us,
until Omuhle came.
Me: “That will never happen, you are my sisters and she is my wife you all mean
the world to me in your own way. From now on I want a strong and united family.
We will visit each other very often and not just talk over the phone. I want to
know everything that is happening in your life, okay?”
Zamile: “Still bossy, I see. We get it Ndu, we’ll do better.”
Me: “Good! Now go make peace with Omuhle and come back so we can catch
up.” They left and I went outside to smoke. They were all I had, I had to stop
acting like they were the reason why my life was a mess, they were also victims
just like me. My surprise party was going well, I had my family and friends and
that’s all I needed. I was going to do everything in my power to appreciate such
moments and keep moving on with life. I accepted my life the way it was and that
was the biggest step I had ever taken. After catching up with my sisters who I had
found out were visiting for the weekend I went to find my wife, she looked sleepy
“do you want us to leave?”
Omuhle: “Yes please. Please hold this I need the bathroom first.” She gave me her
phone and handbag and went to the bathroom. While I was waiting for her to
come back a text came in followed by a call
Me: “Kelvin??” Omuhle didn’t know a Kelvin. I went to her texts “WTF?” the guy
was making moves at my wife and it seemed like she was playing hard to get.
When I am dead!!! I cleared all those texts after memorizing his number and
rebooted her phone and she came back from the bathroom. “Lets get you home.”
Omuhle: “Have you said goodbye? And your sisters, they are sleeping over at the
house.”
Me: “they wanted to stay and Hlelo will drive back with them.”
Omuhle: “Okay.” I took her hand and we left.
Me: “Thank you for everything you did for me today.”
Omuhle: “You are welcome. Ndumiso I do love you, I am just not in the position
to be a wife or girlfriend. I just want to be a good mother.” She sighed “I am
scared all the time Ndu.” I took her hand. I remembered how big this was for her,
she lost her mother during childbirth, of course this wasn’t easy for her.
Me: “I am not going anywhere, we’ll get through this together.” I squeezed her
hand “I will move in with you guys.”
Omuhle: “I’d really love that.” We got home and we went straight to bed “You are
sleeping with me?”
Me: “I am.” I wasn’t going to give her air to breathe or even entertain Kelvin.
“Ngyakthanda Musomuhle.” I kissed her shoulder
Omuhle: “Me too.” She was falling asleep. And I was right behind her, it had been
a long day.
======
Lebo: “You know how to ghost on a person.” We hugged “You look good.”
Me: “Thanks, you too.” She did, the girl knew how to take care of herself
Lebo: “So what’s this about?”
Me: “Let the waitress take our order first.”
Lebo: “Good idea.” She looked at her “I’ll have gin with dry lemon and my man
here will have whiskey on the rocks right babe?
Me: “I am good. A glass of cold water will be fine for me.”
Lebo: “Oh wow!” the waitress left “Are you sure you okay?” I nodded “Where did
you disappear to anyway?”
Me: “Rehab” I shocked her, her face said it all “I came to tell you that I am clean
now and we need to cut ties because you are toxic for me.” she laughed
Lebo: “Nigga please! I aint toxic for nobody, I am not going to sit here and let you
blame me for the choices you made. I definitely didn’t need a goodbye speech
either!” she was right but she didn’t need to be rude about it. I totally agree with
her though, she didn’t force me to sniff cocaine but I couldn’t hang out with her
either because she was definitely a trigger.
Me: “That settles it then so stop blowing up my phone.” She had been calling
since I have switched on my phone, God knows how long she had be calling me
while it was off.
Lebo: “Consider it done! Oh by the way, you might want to get treated for
Chlymdia.” What? The slut gave it to me on purpose
Me: “Mxm!!” I stood up and left her sorry ass. I can’t believe I wasted my time
and energy on her, I even took her out for lunch and I didn’t even pay for her
drink “Nxa!” After that conversation I was even more determined to fix things
with my wife. I drove straight to the warehouse and went to my laptop.
Sizwe: “Kelvin Shoba? He seems clean, why the interest?” I didn’t even hear him
come in
Me: “Its none of your business.” I didn’t want anyone knowing that I might have
been replaced. I looked at him “You were right by the way.”
Sizwe: “Woah!!! What did rehab do to my friend? I need to remember this day” I
laughed, Sizwe was an idiot “Right about what?”
Me: “About me divorcing Omuhle.” He clapped his hands
Sizwe: “You can still fix it, she loves you.” Maybe she did but someone else was
giving her the attention I should’ve been giving her.
Me: “I want to, I want to so bad but I think I am competing.” I pointed at the
screen “Omuhle is entertaining him, look at their texts.” They were flirting and
sending each other naughty texts, I didn’t want to read further because the more
I read the more pissed I got. I had no one to blame but myself!
Sizwe: “You hacked her phone?” I nodded “You need to up your game man and
prove to her that you have changed and you made a mistake.” I had every
intention to do that
Me: “I did tell her, all I have to do now is prove to her that I have changed but I
don’t know how. The divorced changed her, ever since I have been back she
doesn’t seem to care about us getting back together.”
Sizwe: “You didn’t expect her to just sit around and mope for you now did you?” I
shrugged my shoulders, maybe I did. “Obviously she is not going to take you back
with open arms after everything that has happened.”
Me: “I know, I am just lost.”
Sizwe: “If you want your wife back Ndu, you need to stop hacking her and make
an effort at getting her back. Prove to her that you are better than this Kelvin guy,
I have to say you are up against a very interesting man.” He laughed
Me: “You are not helping.”
Sizwe: “How about we do some old school recon.”
Me: “You want us to follow him?” he nodded “I am game. What kind of guy lives
in a hotel anyway?” I think I was jealous
Sizwe: “One that is worth 6 zeros.”
Me: “I am worth the same.”
Sizwe: “But you are a criminal and he is not. Guys like us will forever compete
with these law abiding citizens. No matter how much time we spend at the gym,
no matter how many drinks we buy at the club or how chilvarous we are.” He
wasn’t wrong given a choice a woman would choose the law abiding citizen over a
criminal.
Me: “Omuhle has never complained about how I make my money.”
Sizwe: “She didn’t have a choice back then, she loved only you. There’s Kelvin
now who can offer her the same lifestyle you did and maybe even the same kind
of love.” But our love conquers anything, that was our line and now that I was
back to my senses I believed it and I had the hope that I will get her back.
Me: “Well Omuhle and I have kids together.” That consoled me a little but I knew
deep down it wasn’t enough to make her stay with me
Sizwe: “According to the texts, Kelvin Shoba is not threatened by kids and Omuhle
is a full package!!”
Me: “Fuck you Sizwe!!” he laughed at me. “I admit it this guy is a threat and I
need to do something before he raises my girls.”
Sizwe: “Act and fast my guy, he is already 3 steps ahead.”
Me: “You are really not helping Sizwe with you telling me what I am already
aware of. Help me get my wife back please.”
Sizwe: “Okay sorry. You need to show her how serious you are.”
Me: “Okay, how about I propose again?”
Sizwe: “Could work but I was thinking maybe you should deal with your living
arrangements. Dude you live in Qophelo’s house.” How did I let that happen, oh
yeah a pregnant lady gets whatever they want even moving in at her father’s
house.
Me: “You have a point. Step #1 buy a house and force her to live with me during
her pregnancy while I slowly butter her up.”
Sizwe: “Exactly it will even take her focus off this guy.”
Me: “Yabona wena, you are the one!!” we carried on brainstorming ideas about
how to get my wife back. During my recovery I got a lot time to think, time to
think about what I wanted for my life and future and what mattered the most to
me and top of my list was family. My wife and kids, my sisters followed by the
brotherhood I had formed with the gang then whatever I desire follows, I have
learnt that people matter and we are nothing without the relations we have
formed. “Omuhle is mine and it ends there!” it was going to take a lot of effort for
me to get her back but I was more than ready to fight for what already belonged
to me.

»58»
CONTINUED
Part 3
THINGO
Me: “Thank you baby.”
Hlanga: “You are welcome mama bear.” I actually liked that name now, thanks to
Hlelo and Sasa. He made me turn around after putting lotion on my back. My
husband had just help me with putting on lotion on my body after he helped me
in the shower. I was immobile, I couldn’t bend over or even stretch. “Which dress
are you going with?”
Me: “The black loose one, black makes me look tiny.” He laughed and I shot him a
mean look
Hlanga: “It does.” I knew I was lying to myself but I didn’t need it from him. After
helping me dress up, he went to do the same. If there was a happiness
speedometer, mine would be at the highest point. I was so happy, I didn’t think
for a second Thingo was ever going to be that happy in her life. My relationship
with the Nxumalos was blooming, my cub was almost there and things between
my husband and I were great. He has been very supportive and loving like always,
I was more determined that he was going to make a great father
Hlanga: “I will see you tomorrow I guess.” We kissed. He was going to
Johannesburg something about Ndumiso’s party.
Me: “I miss you already but I have to go see my aunt and uncle about my
ceremony. My dad is really pushy about it.” I honestly didn’t care and my husband
chose to smile “I know, I have a dad now, its crazy neh?”
Hlanga: “No its not! You deserve this, you are so happy you can’t even hide it.”
We laughed “It’s in your smile.”
Me: “I am happy because #1 my gangleader is so amazing.” He laughed
Hlanga: “Telling you might have been a bad idea.”
Me: “It was a good idea, Nyambose I was still telling you why I can’t stop smiling.”
Hlanga: “I am listening #1 was your amazing gangleader.” We laughed
Me: “Yes definitely. #2 we are 2 weeks away from meeting our cub.” I held my
tummy
Hlanga: “That we are mama bear.” We kissed and hugged. He was still so tall “#3
we are going to officially tie the knot, angith?” I laughed
Me: “An excuse to marry you the second time noma kanjan Nyambose wam.” We
kissed so passionately “I love you.”
Hlanga: “I love you too, you can’t go into early labour. I will be back tomorrow I
promise.” He pointed a finger at me, he really wanted to be there when I gave
birth
Me: “Talk to your baby, if it wants to meet us early I can’t dispute with that.” With
the biggest grin my husband went down on his knee and pulled up my dress and
held my tummy and the energetic Nyambose cub started kicking “the kicking is so
uncomfortable.”
Hlanga: “That’s the Nyambose kick.” We laughed, Hlanga though “Listen here
little one, I will be gone just one night. Just hold on, for daddy okay? I really can’t
wait to meet you.” It made me so emotional and he kissed my tummy then he
came up to kiss me. “I am not comfortable with you driving yourself, I will send a
driver okay.”
Me: “I am too tired anyway.”
Hlanga: “Okay then.” He took his car keys and we both went to the main house so
he could say his goodbyes to his parents. After a while my driver came and we
drove to the hotel my father was booked in. He came to talk to my uncle about
my ceremony
Dad: “Nkosazane!” he hugged me but my big bump always got in the way
Me: “How are you doing, you came alone?” I was expecting my very loud younger
brothers, they were so inquisitive and funny. I was a big sister, it was so sereal.
Dad: “Your brothers have school and my wives have duties as well.” I nodded “So
is everything okay?”
Me: “It is perfect, I do miss work though.” He chuckled. I wasn’t lying my mother-
in-law didn’t want me to even lift a finger, I really did miss working for Delani and
his shady ass.
Dad: “How about you come and spend time at the homestead and maybe help
me with legal stuff.” It was an idea hay
Me: “It would be great but I am close to giving birth and my doctor and I have a
birth plan.”
Dad: “Okay maybe after the baby.”
Me: “I will be happy to and I will get to see the place, it seemed beautiful that
day.”
Dad: “It is, those green pastures are amazing.” He clearly loved it. We have been
spending time together and I have learnt a lot, he was a 52 year old man with a
lot of control issues. I guess you forgave him because he was Inkosi. He loves his
kingdom and he made it sound like they loved him too. He loved his children
more than anything, even his wives knew that according to him. He held 2
masters’ qualifications in public relations and anthropology whatever that is. “So
your uncle is expecting me?”
Me: “Yes he is, we can go now if you are ready.”
Dad: “Okay let me call my driver.”
Me: “I came with a driver as well.”
Dad: “he can follow our car Nkosazane.”
Me: “Okay.” And we left while we spoke about his upbringing and how he and my
mother went to the same college. Then the question I have been dreading came,
when and how did my mother die? “She died 11 years ago on the 29th of July.
Our house was broken into and she was stabbed 3 times on the abdomen.” I
sighed “I think she was murdered because she stole sensitive information that
might have sent her evil boss to jail.”
Dad: “I am really sorry that you witness all that.”
Me: “Her last words were “Thingo lwam, you have to be strong now. Life is hard
and it is going to get harder but remember after the storm comes the rainbow.
That’s why I named you Thingo” I don’t know if it was her bravery for doing what
was right or her stupidity for not thinking about me but her death did make me
strong. My husband recently told me that the past shapes us and it makes us who
we are so not all is lost because I am happy with the person I am.” I was happy
with the woman and wife I had become
Dad: “And your uncle took over at raising you?” if you want to call him being
around twice a year and leaving me with that witch he calls his wife then sure he
raised me. I nodded anyway because I did take up space in their house “I owe
your uncle a lot for raising you to be such an amazing person.”
Me: “Mmm.” I was over that conversation
Dad: “Your husband is something else.” I didn’t like where the conversation was
going “I don’t think I like him.”
Me: “He is not for you to like.” He was shocked by my response. You do not say
anything bad about uNyambose wam and expect me to take it “The man you
want to thank so much is not all that, id rather have you thank my husband for
being there for me than him. Him and his wife ate my inheritance and gave me
enough to survive. His wife abused me until I lost all my senses, I was their
doormat, maid and nanny and they didn’t care one bit about me. Then came the
man you don’t like, he is not perfect and he has his faults but he cleaned me up
and made me who I am. He even married just so I could leave that house because
I was slowly dying, so don’t you dare act all superior.” I was so pissed “Stop the
car, I am not in the mood to go anymore.” And the driver did as told and I got out,
as hard as it was with my heavy load.
Dad: “Thingo I didn’t know.”
Me: “I know but you have been here literally 5 minutes, you haven’t given him a
chance. But a man you haven’t even met you are ready to thank him.” We were
now standing in the middle of nowhere. “For inkosi your judgement is really
twisted.’
Dad: “I am really sorry Nkosazane yam.” What have I done, a grown ass man was
crying?
Me: “Please don’t cry, you are going to make me cry.” It was too late for the both
of us. It was a sob festival, his cries might have been silent but he was crying. He
managed to calm down and helped me calm down
Dad: “The dreams I had been having were of a crying baby. I ignored them for
years until I started dreaming every night and waking up at night. Nyawo also
couldn’t tell me what they meant until one day he mentioned a princess.” Wow!
Was this even real? Supernatural things? “I can’t help but blame myself. I lied to
your mother about who I was, I didn’t tell her about being royalty and when I
finally did I didn’t do it the right way and I never looked back after that.”
Me: “We cant change the past.”
Dad: “That’s true. Do you still want us to talk to your uncle?” I shrugged my
shoulders “These people didn’t treat you right and I don’t think I want to meet
them after everything you just told me.”
Me: “We don’t have to, like I said before I am already a Mthethwa wife and
Hlanga and I are planning to get married legally soon maybe I can ask him for a
double barrel surname.” His main concern was me taking his surname, that’s why
he was so hostile to Hlanga. He smiled wow, we were making progress! “And I can
have that welcoming ceremony.”
Dad: “I can work with that Nkosazane yam.”
Me: “Great than, what now we are in the middle of nowhere?” he chuckled
Dad: “Let’s go back to Durban and I will take you out for lunch and we’ll go
shopping for my grandchild.”
Me: “You already bought so many things from the baby shower, I don’t even have
space to put those things.” We laughed
Dad: “Okay I will give you money then so you will buy anything we missed.” I
didn’t need anything honestly but he really wanted to spoil me and I didn’t want
to disappoint him.
Me: “Okay.” We went back to the car and we drove back to Durban and we went
to my favourite mall and he told me to go wild with the menu at steers and I
ordered ribs, my baby wanted ribs. We spoke about the general things but he was
more reserved than before, maybe the news about my abuse scared him. “I am
happy I found you.”
Dad: “Me too.” He was just looking at me stuff myself with food. He was a good
looking guy and he was starting to grow white hair “You love your husband, do
you?”
Me: “I do. You love your wives right?” he nodded “Do you have a favorite?” he
chuckled
Dad: "..." he cleared his throat “I don't.” He hesitated and I was a bit shocked “My
title comes with a lot of sacrifices Nkosazane yam.”
Me: “It must be hard.”
Dad: “It is and I am scared for your brother.”
Me: “Mbusi seems capable to me.”
Dad: “I am not doubting his capabilities. I just want him to learn from my mistakes
and actually be happy.” he made sound like he wasn't happy.
Me: “ I am sure he is, are you happy?”
Dad: “Vey happy.” I didn't believe him, he just wasn't convincing
Me: “That’s good to know.” We carried on talking. My dad was such a softie, I
didn’t expect all this from a king. I have to say I was in a much better mood after
not going to see my uncle and his wife, I needed to stop cosy up to them, I had
real people in my life who loved me with no reservation.
======
Me: “Aaah!” a sharp pain pierced through my back.
Nele: “That’s the 3rd time Siphosethu. Ma!!” she shouted and she came in
running
Me: “I am fine, I have been getting these pains since my 7th month and the
doctor said it’s normal.”
Ma: “Is it the cramps again?” I nodded “ Call your brother Banele, you are having
contractions.”
Me: “Its too early ma, I still have a week before my due date.”
Ma: “This technology of yours is crazy, when the baby wants to come out, it will
come out.”
Nele: “He is on his way.”
Me: “I am fine.”
Nele: “That’s my nephew or neice we are not taking chances.”
Ma: “I will go put your bags in the car, change into comfortable clothes.” It was so
unnecessary but I went ahead with the madness.
Hlanga: “Where is she?” he came in running “Are you okay?”
Me: “Aaaah! I am fine just minor pains.” That sharp pain was stronger than the
one before
Hlanga: “Siphosethu, your pants are wet.”
Me: “Huh?” I checked my pyjama pants “Oh shit!! I think my water just broke.”
Panic entered the room “Hlangalezwe!!! I am not ready, it’s too soon.” And my
husband just kissed me
Hlanga: “Calm down, you are not in this alone. Thingo lwam, I am here and I am
not going anywhere.”
Me: “Okay, okay. Hlanga call Doctor Adams.”
Hlanga: “Okay.” He took out his phone and explained everything to her “Done.
Now lets change those pants and get you to the hospital. How bad are the pains?”
Me: “Maybe a 2.”
Hlanga: “Okay.” He gave me a clean set of pyjamas and walked me to the car. Ma
and Banele were already waiting for us. On the drive to the hospital my pains kept
on getting worse but I could handle it. If childbirth was this manageable than by
all means bring cub #2
ᴠ
ᴠ
ᴠ
3 hours later…
I take it back, cub #2 can wait!! The pain was killing me, it was too much.
Me: “Hlanga I cant!!!!” I screamed “I want to sit down!!” we were walking down
the passage, apparently it helped all I know was it wasn’t helping me.
Hlanga: “Thingo lwam the nurse said walking helps, come on mama bear just 5
steps.”
Me: “No!!! take me back to my room.”
Hlanga: “Okay.” And we walked back to my room
Voice: “Thingo! Thingo Mfeka is that you?” I was in labour who the fuck had the
time to notice me? I followed the voice
Me: “Omw!! Miss Mchunu. Aaaaah woooh, woooh!” contractions were killing me
“You are pregnant as well.” She nodded, she looked good and I was happy to see
her
Miss Mchunu: “I told you he was interested.” I wanted us to dwell on the fact that
she did in fact suggest Hlanga was interested in me the day they met but I wasn’t
in the mood.
Me: “I’d like to stay and chat but I can’t stand anymore.”
Miss Mchunu: “I will come find your room.” I showed her a thumbs up and we
went back to my room.
Dr Adams: “How are we doing?”
Me: “I want to push.” I was ready and I think my baby was ready too.
Dr Adams: “Let’s first check how far dilated are you?” Hlanga was busy wiping me
with towels and annoying me. The pain was slowly killing me “Okay, okay. Nurse
give daddy his clothes we are about to deliver this baby.” the nurses did their
thing
Me: “I am pushing!!”
Dr Adams: “Okay Thingo I want you to push and push as hard as you can for me,
okay?”
Me: “woooh, woooh!! Okay.”
Hlanga: “You can do it Thingo lwam.” he kissed my forehead and I held his hand
tight.
Dr Adams: “Now push!!” I pushed until I farted
Hlanga: “Oh shit!!!”
Me: “I can’t!” I was tired.
Dr Adams: “One last push. Come on Thingo!!”
Hlanga: “You can do it Thingo lwam.”
Me: “Aaaaaaah!!” that was my last push, I was exhausted.
Dr Adams: “I got it! Aaah it’s a girl.” Then I heard a cry.
Hlanga: “MaNyambose.” The nurse wrapped her with a cloth and placed her on
my chest.
Me: “My baby girl, she is so tiny.” It was love at first sight. “I am your mother.” I
kissed her tiny hand. She was totally worth everything I went through with her
curled up hair and my daughter had a head full of hair.
Hlanga: “I am your father.” He kissed the other hand. He had glossy eyes
Me: “Please take her, I am sleepy.” I couldn’t properly keep my eyes open.
Dr Adams: “Nurse!! You need the rest. They’ll clean …” I was too tired to let her
finish her sentence.
=====
Ma: “Have you decided on baby names? I was thinking of Simphiwe.” It was a nice
name. I looked at my daughter who was sleeping so peacefully in my arms. I
couldn’t put her down, I didn’t want to.
Me: “Kukhanya.” She was my light. And her father took her from me, it was a
silent war about who gets to hold her.
Hlanga: “Ndoni ka baba.” What?
Parents: “Hawu.”
Me: “Ndoniyamanzi you mean?” it made more sense.
Hlanga: “Cha, Ndoni ka baba Mthethwa and angijiki(I am not changing).” He had a
straight face even
Nele: “Bhuti no one is going to take her seriously with such a name.” she was
already taking over her aunty duties. I wonder how she was coping knowing that
she couldn’t have kids.
Hlanga: “She is my daughter and I take her very seriously, that’s all that matters.”
Me: “We get it but really, Ndoni ka baba as a name?”
Ma: “I also don’t approve, I like Simphiwe because it sums up everything. She was
given to us and Kukhanya makes perfect sense too.” Baba took her from Hlanga
and played with her.
Hlanga: “…” My husband was bothered by this
Baba: “Ndoniyonyambose Kukhanya Simphiwe Mthethwa.” And I looked at the
father, a frown was slowly turning into a smile
Banele: “I love all of them” they were all great names
Hlanga: “They are perfect.” We looked at each other “I love you Thingo lwam,
today I am even more grateful than I was yesterday for having you in my life.” He
kissed my hand “You made me a father and it doesn’t get better than that.”
Everyone in the room kept on nodding to my husband’s mini speech and I was so
emotional and happy. All I have ever wanted to do was to make him happy like he
has and it seemed like I was doing just that.
Baba: “We will leave you with this little one before I steal her.” We laughed and
he gave her back to me and they left. I couldn’t believe it, I was a whole entire
mother. She was so adorable in her white romper and hat. The minute they put
her on my chest, something in me woke up, it was all about her now, and she
mattered most.
Me: “Kukhanya kwam, baby you have bought light into my world, you are loved
and you are wanted never doubt that, okay Ndoni ka baba no mama.” I was busy
caressing her cute little face. He chuckled “Hlanga we are parents now.”
Hlanga: “I know mamasekhaya. My dream finally came true.” It was his dream
baby
Me: “I know. Nyambose I mean in terms of you being a gang leader, she needs
you alive.”
Hlanga: “I know, I know.”
Me: “I don’t think you do Hlanga, at some point you have to stop or get out.”
Hlanga: “…”
Me: “I am just putting it out there that its not just you and me anymore there’s
Ndoni to consider and she needs the both of us alive.”
Hlanga: “I hear you Thingo lwam but today is about our cub mama bear, let’s
focus on her.”
Me: “Okay. I can’t take my eyes off her, I think I am in love.” I was so happy
Hlanga: “I am sorry Thingo lwam kodwa this young lady has captured my heart.” I
giggled, I think Ndoni was about to take my spot in daddy's heart.
Me: “I am still your rainbow right?” I had to know.
Hlanga: “Always and she is my blackberry.” Ndoni is a type of berry by the way “I
love her.”
Me: “Of course you do, she’s your daughter.” And we just watched her sleep and
just like that Thingo was a mother and as scared as I was to have such a huge
responsibility but I was ready to assume my role and mother the shit out of
Kukhanya kwam. As we were busy admiring her Hlelo and Nqobani came in
Hlelo: “Here is mama bear.” She came and hugged me “I bought you this.” I
laughed, it was a waisttrainer “trust me it will work wonders.” I don’t know for
some weird reason she woke up my body insecurities. Would Hlanga still
appreciate my body post baby like he did pre baby? Did it matter to him even?
Me: “Thanks babe, husband.”
Nqobani: “Dear wife.” We hugged as well
Hlanga: “mxm!” He needed to get over himself.
Hlelo: “I am here just to see her.” She picked her up
Hlanga: “Meet Ndoniyonyambose Kukhanya Simphiwe Mthethwa.”
Nqobani: “Wow!! She is just the cutest.”
Hlelo: “I know. I don’t care what papa bear calls you, wena umakoti, makoti
kaSbonga angithi?” we laughed
Hlanga: “My daughter is only a day old and already she’s married, hayi!” we
laughed even harder
Me: “It would be so cute though.”
Nqobani&Hlanga: “Hayi! Hayi!”
Nqobani: “They are siblings technically.”
Hlelo: “Makoti wa kwam lo (She is Sbonga’s wife.)”
Hlanga: “When I am dead!”
Hlelo: “Mxm! Anyway congratulations guys, a child is a blessing.”
Me: “I agree.” I felt so blessed to be her mother, I couldn’t explain it. We sat for a
while until it was breastfeeding time and I was struggling. I didn’t have pointy
nipples and my baby was having difficulties sucking but I managed to get her to
suck because I wanted her to have breast milk.
Hlanga: “I love you mamasekhaya”
Me: “I love you too baba ka Khanya.” We kissed
Hlanga: “I have to leave the country tomorrow morning.”
Me: “What, can’t your gang stuff wait we just had a baby?”
Hlanga: “I know Thingo lwam and it’s not the gang, its my real job. I know the
timing is bad but I have to see it through.”
Me: “For how long?”
Hlanga: “Indefinite.”
Me: “…”
Hlanga: “I am sorry, I don’t want to go.”
Me: “Things are always complicated with us Hlanga” I wasn’t going to let him and
his job ruin my mood. I wasn’t sure if I was angry at my husband or his job, it had
only been a day with our daughter and he was back to travelling.
Hlanga: “I don’t like your face.”
Me: “I am not happy right now, I haven’t even left the hospital Hlanga and you
are already leaving.”
Hlanga: “Tell me what to do Siphosethu and I will do it. This job feeds us, it puts a
roof over our head. I do not have a choice.” We both know the gang fed us more
than the military but hay
Me: “Its fine.” Of course it wasn’t fine
Hlanga: “I know you don’t mean that.”
Me: “I hate your job, I have never hid that.” He came over to take Ndoni from me
Hlanga: “I know and I think I hate it too now that she’s here.”
Me: “hawu!” he laughed
Hlanga: “I am joking, I am not happy whenever I am away from home and if I had
a choice id make it.”
Me: “I know.” It was no use getting angry over this “I am hungry and I still have
my pregnancy cravings.”
Hlanga: “Ribs or chicken?”
Me: “Both and don’t forget ice cream.”
Hlanga: “Okay.” He placed Ndoni on her cot and left. I decided to take a nap but it
was disturbed by a knock
Me: “Come in” the door opened “Delani?” what was he doing here? He came with
a fruit basket and flowers.
Delani: “I hear congratulations are in order.”
Me: “Thank you.” We sat awkwardly
Delani: “She is adorable.”
Me: “Thank you.”
Delani: “Work is not the same without you.”
Me: “It hasn’t been that long though.” I sighed “Thank you for this, you didn’t
have to come all the way to Durban.”
Delani: “I had a case this side so it was easier. Your husband is one lucky guy” he
was looking at my daughter. I honestly didn’t get why he was here
Me: “I will tell him that.” And we sat in awkward silence. Hlanga needed to get
back or he needed to leave. “I was about to take a nap before I have to give her a
bath.”
Delani: “Oh yes, I’m sure you are tired. I will see you maybe tomorrow, I am still in
town.”
Me: “Okay.” He came over to hug me and left. Delani made me feel so
uncomfortable, there was just something about him that gave me the creeps. My
husband eventually came back and he spent the night with us and the following
morning he was gone, I was disappointed I thought maybe he was going to do
something and stay with us. Banele was the one who drove us home after we
were discharged, I was actually sad more than happy things were not the way I
expected them to be for the day I bought our baby home. I felt like I was in this
alone, when we got home I confined myself in our room and I switched off my
phone. I didn’t want to leave my daughter’s side, it was just me and her.

»59«
MUSA
Me: “Stop it Kelvin, I am going to pee myself!!” I couldn’t stop laughing.
Kelvin: “I wont stop until you agree to spend the night again.” He was busy
tickling me and I was 5 to peeing myself
Me: “Okay, okay fine, I will spend the night!” I said trying to catch my breath and
he kissed me.
Kelvin: “Was that so hard?”
Me: “It was very hard.” I giggled and his face changed.
Kelvin: “You are not going to make things easy for me neh?”
Me: “Kelvin you know how complicated my life is.” Spending time with him was a
bad idea but I really liked his attention plus he was so supportive and funny.
Kelvin was too good to be true actually.
Kelvin: “Musa you haven’t given us a chance yet, let us try and fail. Then I will
know I did everything in my power to make this work but it just wasn’t meant to
be. Musa this is not about you being divorced and pregnant.” This guy was so
adamant and I was so confused. Ndumiso, the kids and I were a family and I really
loved us but Ndumiso was unhappy when we were together, he made that clear
and yes he asked for forgiveness but in all honesty he wasn’t wrong, I had been
selfish throughout our marriage. My fear now was that when we get back
together and things get hard again he’ll forever remind me of my failures and
shortcomings. Then came Kelvin, he was still a mystry I wanted to explore.
Me: “Kelvin, Ndumiso wants us to fix things.” His face changed. He stood up from
the bed and left his hotel room. It was best I left as well, I didn’t want to spend
the night anyway. I wore my shoes and took my handbag and went for the door
as I was about to open, he opened from outside,
Kelvin: “Where are you going?”
Me: “You left me hanging, I didn’t know what to do.’’
Kelvin: “I needed some fresh air. Do you want something to eat, they serve the
best steak here?”
Me: “Of course I want steak, Kelvin we need to talk.”
Kelvin: “Here’s what I have to say Musomuhle, I have feelings for you and I want
this to work. The truth is I cant compete with your ex, someone you have kids
with. You have a history with him, something we don’t have. I am all new to you
and you will never get to know me if you don’t give us a chance. Second best is
not a good look on me, I want you and I want you in every way I can have you. I
am ready to help you with your kids as long as I get to call you my woman.” After
that he went to call for room service and I was left standing in the middle of the
room not knowing what to do or say.
Me: “Kelvin this is not easy for me.” it was a heavy load actually
Kelvin: “I know, don’t stress yourself. You are pregnant and you need to take it
easy. Food is on its way, I even ordered you freshly squeezed orange juice.” I
couldn’t help but smile.
Me: “Thank you.”
Kelvin: “Now come back to bed.” I didn’t waste time I took off my shoes and I
joined him on the bed and we just stared at each other. He was so good looking
and I really liked him, I haven’t felt like that in years. Around Kelvin I felt like a
teenager who was experiencing a boy’s attention for the first time. “What are you
thinking about?”
Me: “You. What are you thinking about?”
Kelvin: “I am thinking about the first night you spent here.” Ooh! That night, it
was definitely a night I will never forget. I am sure you are wondering if Kelvin and
I had sex or not. Well after my sister convinced me to send Kelvin a dirty text and
he invited me over, things were really awkward for me, I had never done anything
that crazy in my life. I was a girl who never took risks and liked being in her
comfort zone but not that day because I was controlled by hormones, I took the
risk “I still have the picture of you in a trench coat and boots.” Yesss! Your girl
showed up in a beige trench coat and black thigh-high boots, just like in the
movies.
Me: “I still have the picture of your face in my head when you saw me.” he was so
happy, he looked like a little kid. And he showed my pregnant body flames that
night. They guy wore me out at some point I regretted texting him. I ended up
spending the night and day after that but Hlelo called me to order and she
reminded me that I was still a mother. I did say he made me feel like a teenager.
“I have an idea while we wait for our food.”
Kelvin: “I am listening.” I turned him over and I got on top of him “Interesting.”
Me: “Sssshhh!” I started kissing him. Kelvin was a bad kisser but he was improving
the more time we spent together plus I liked him. Things escalated, he took off
my top and I took of his. Before I could register, was under and he was on top of
me helping me out of my leggings together with my g-string. I unzipped his jeans
and he got out of them. We carried on making out while he played with my girl
area. “Kel, Kel I am ready!”
Kelvin: “Patience chocolate muffin.” I couldn’t help but giggle. I loved chocolate
mufins and telling him was a bad idea, it was his petname for me now. And he
slammed into me hard and it felt great. Kelvin was different from Ndumiso, they
were polar opposites and from different parts of the world. Kelvin was a trust
fund baby whereas my ex-husband was a kasi thug. Kelvin treated me like a lady
and was gentle, wheras Ndumiso didn’t beg and he was hardcore. Back to Kelvin
and I, while we were busy finding pleasure in each other with our body parts, a
knock came in followed by the room service voice. “Fuck!!”
Me: “Don’t stop! Don’t stop.” I was really close. Three thrusts and I came apart
“aaah” he kissed me
Kelvin: “Are you happy?” I nodded while I was still trying to catch my breath “Can
I go fetch our food now?” I nodded and he kissed me again and pulled out. He
took a towel and wrapped it around his waste. I went to take a quick shower and
he came to join me. He started washing my back and I washed his.
Me: “I am so hungry.”
Kelvin: “Lets get you out.” We got out and we died ourselves and I used the
supplied mini lotion. We had dinner and we spoke about everything, his failed
marriage and mine, plans for the future.
Me: “Don’t you want to fix things with her?”
Kelvin: “We tried everything with Rethabile. We went to pastors, our parents
intervened and even went to marriage counsellors. We were just not happy
together anymore. It made sense though, we got married very hastily, we didn’t
have a plan. We found out in the marriage that we want different things.”
Me: “Do you want to get married again?”
Kelvin: “The wound is still fresh so I cant say.” He took my hand and I looked at
him “And you?”
Me: “I also don’t know. I am just done with living up to expectations, I just want
to focus on being a mother.”
Kelvin: “Your kids are lucky.” He didn’t sound like he was happy for me
Me: “Do you want kids?”
Kelvin: “Yes, definitely. A boy and a girl.” I nodded “I wouldn’t mind if you
mothered them.”
Me: “You want me to mother your kids?” I laughed.
Kelvin: “Whatever decision you make Musa please consider me as well.”
Me: “Okay, lets go to bed, I am sleepy.” I was tired. We moved from the couch
and went to bed. I had a lot to think about. This matter I had to decide with Alice,
she was great help at making me make the right decision.
=======
Me: “Boys lets go, lets go!” I shouted
Jnr: “I am done mamiza.”
Ndu: “Take your bags to the car.” And they did. After everything was packed in
the car we left for the airport. The family and I were going to Durban, the boys
really missed it and I needed a pick me up after not getting the trainer job at Wits.
“Are you sure you okay?”
Me: “Mmm” we flew using my dad’s jet and we booked into a hotel. I sold the
apartment after the divorce. I didn’t say much on our way there “We are going to
the beach boys, change into your shorts.”
Ndu: “You are always on your phone now.” That’s because Kelvin was needy and
he wanted to know my every move. Was I resting enough, what I ate or am I
drinking enough water. I wasn’t used to that. Ndumiso was supportive yes but he
wasn’t extra about it.
Me: “Is that a crime?” he was also annoying me. I changed into my swimwear
Ndu: “Cha, ngyasho nje (I am just saying).” I carried on changing “I read
somewhere that pregnant women’s hormones make them horny.” I looked at
him, where was he going with this? “We haven’t had sex.” I laughed sarcastically
Me: “I may be pregnant with your children but we are still divorced. I know you
want us to try but I am not ready for that. A year ago you were sick and tired of
me and you had so many regrets about marrying me.” Tears started streaming
down my face at the thought of where I was a year ago. “I am not perfect
Ndumiso and I will never be perfect. I will always make mistakes, I will sometimes
make decisions that will hurt you but that wont be my intention.”
Ndu: “I know Omuhle, I never said I wanted you to be perfect. All I am asking is
for another chance to fix things. For us to build a better life for us and our
children.”
Me: “What if a better life for our children is us apart? Ndumiso I am scared that
one day you will wake up with regrets for being with me again. I am not strong
enough to be rejected twice.”
Ndu: “I know I messed up, I am not proud for the way I handle things. Us being
apart cannot be the end of us.”
Me: “I haven’t healed from the divorce Ndumiso and I don’t think you have either.
The past months you were deep into drugs. You haven’t had time alone to figure
yourself out.”
Ndu: “What do you think I was doing in rehab? Omuhle I know what I want and
that is you with your flaws and impections. I don’t want a fairytale kinda love
story, I want a love story with you however it is.”
Me: “I am really touched Mthombeni, I am but I am not where you are right now.
I don’t want to string you along.”
Ndu: “…” he looked at me like he wanted to say something “lets go to the beach.”
And we did. The boys went wild and they were happy. We later went to shower
and change and went to visit his sisters. They seemed to be accepting of me all of
a sudden and I just wasn’t there anymore. I wanted them to accept me back then,
I was there buying them gifts and calling them just to show them that we were
family but no they were not interested. “My sisters are trying Omuhle, at least
meet them halfway.”
Me: “They don’t have to, we are over anyways.”
Ndu: “That’s not fair.”
Me: “What? What was not fair was them telling me I wasn’t Mpendulo and Jnr’s
mother whereas I helped you raise them. What is not fair was them calling me
fake whenever I tried to reach out.”
Ndu: “…”
Me: “I treated them like my family and instead they treated me like trash.”
Ndu: “I didn’t know they said those things.” Like he was going to believe me,
Ndumiso spoilt his sisters but when my father spoilt me it was problem. There is
no justice in this world.
Me: “It doesn’t matter, just like us getting along now doesn’t. They made it clear
that they don’t need me well I don’t need them.” I think everything I had been
keeping in about my marriage with Ndu was finally coming out.
Ndu: “Omuhle if we are going to fix things that’s not the right attitude.” Did he
not hear me when I said we were not on the same page? I didn’t want to fix
anything, I loved my independence and I needed it more than I needed him.
Me: “…” I wasn’t going to say anything. On our drive back to the hotel Kelvin
called “Mr Shoba.”
Kelvin: “My chocolate muffin.” I laughed “I miss you.”
Me: “You chose business over me angith.” Kelvin and his father owned hotels
around the country. The past week he was in Richard’s bay, they were opening
one there soon
Kelvin: “I have to make money so I can buy you an orange tree.” We both laughed
Me: “Just one tree?”
Kelvin: “How many trees do you want kant?”
Me: “Lets see since I am turning 35 soon how about 35 orange trees.”
Kelvin: “Then I have to work harder.” We laughed “I really miss you my chocolate
muffin.”
Me: “I miss you too my orange juice.” He laughed
Kelvin: “they way you love orange juice I might just agree to that name.” we both
laughed this time “So have you heard from Wits?”
Me: “I did, yesterday they called and said I wasn’t a perfect fit. I think its because I
am a woman and pregnant.”
Kelvin: “What? That’s discrimination.”
Me: “I know but there is nothing I can do because they didn’t necessarily say
that’s why they didn’t pick me.”
Kelvin: “Another opportunity will come baby.”
Me: “I will see maybe when the twins are a year or two.”
Kelvin: “I have to go now.” Whenever I spoke about my kids lately, he always had
to leave.
Me: “Okay. We’ll talk later.” I hung up
Ndu: “Omuhle why don’t you just say that its me you don’t want. You are busy
entertaining someone else while I have been pouring out my heart to you. While
you are carrying my kids, while we also live under the same roof.”
Me: “…” I didn’t see any wrong doing in my actions
Ndu: “Is this payback? For Lebo?”
Me: “Is that what you think of me Ndumiso? That I am so vindictive that I will
entertain another man just to spite you?”
Ndu: “Omuhle you aborted my baby and kept it from me for years, there is no
telling what you wouldn’t do.”
Me: “Wow!”
Ndu: “Shit! Omuhle that came out wrong, I didn’t mean it.” I went to sleep with
the boys. He kept on calling me until I switched of my phone and unhook the
hotel’s phone. It wasn’t even a day and Ndumiso was already reminding me of my
mistakes. I wasn’t proud of a lot of things when it came to my life with him and a
part of me wanted to rewrite the wrongs but I didn’t see that happening when he
was going to remind me of my mistakes everytime I didn’t do what he wanted.
=======
Ndu: “Omuhle I am really sorry, it came out wrong.”
Me: “No it came out the way it was suppose to. Ndumiso you haven’t forgiven me
for the past and that means we cant move forward.”
Ndu: “…” he sighed “I don’t want you talking to Kevin or whatever his name is.”
What? How did he know his name “I have forgiven you MaGumede its just that I
got pissed off by the idea of you moving on with someone else. We have a past
we cant ignore that but in order to move on from it, we have talk about what
we’d like to change and then try to make it work.” He was right for us to move to
a better place we had to make new memories.
Me: “Are you sure you don’t want me back because I helped you through a tough
time?”
Ndu: “That made me realize that I was dumb and your father was right I probably
didn’t deserve you but you have never said that so I believe we still have a
chance. I want you back because you are the love of my life Musomuhle.”
Me: “Like I said I am still trying to heal from the divorce.”
Ndu: “Let me heal with you, lets face everything together like we had vowed
before.” I wanted to take this step with him but there was Kelvin now and I really
like him.
Me: “I have to talk to my therapist first.”
Ndu: “Okay. Ngyakthanda Musomuhle.”
Me: “Okay.” How did my life get this complicated? I was fine just me and my kids.
Now I was caught between two men who both wanted my full attention. This
situation wasn’t good for my health and it was time I focus on taking care of
myself. While I was busy thinking Nosipho called “Hey hey.”
Nosipho: “Your face is so round.” She laughed at me
Me: That’s not funny. You seem happy, whats up?”
Nosipho: “Me and my Englishman are going on holiday.”
Me: “Wow, that’s nice.”
Nosipho: “And we are coming there, he says he wants to learn more about where
I come from.”
Me: “That is so great, please come around when I am about to give birth, so my
girls can meet their aunty.” She giggled
Nosipho: “I will. How are things now that their father is back?”
Me: “Complicated. He wants me back and I am busy entertaining Kelvin.” She
screamed “I am stressed out because Kelvin asked me to give him a chance as
well. This is not good for my health.”
Nosipho: “It is not. So what are you going to do?”
Me: “I need space to think things through but Ndumiso and I deserve another
chance. On the other hand I could start afresh with Kelvin, I mean he understands
and accommodates my pregnancy”
Nosipho: “I am going to tell it the way I see it sisi, you and Ndumiso are about to
be parents and that’s a good thing but not for Kelvin. You are still pregnant but
the girls are going to get here and your world will change, will Kelvin still be
understanding and accommodating?” that was a valid question
Me: “You have a point.”
Nosipho: “Whatever choice you make sisi think of your kids and make sure you
are happy because that matters most.”
Me: “Okay, I will think about it. Thank you sis wam.” She giggled
Nosipho: “Okay we’ll talk some other time.” She hung up. I really missed her hay.
======
Kelvin: “Oh so you ending this before it even started?”
Me: “Kelvin I am just not ready to start something with you, I have a lot going on
and me keeping up with seeing you will only hurt us more.”
Kelvin: “Are you ever going to be ready, should I wait for you?”
Me: “I want you to live your life Kelvin without me. The truth is I am about to be a
mother and that changes everything even for you and me. I won’t be able to give
you the attention you require from me.” I called the waiter so I could settle the
bill and leave before he talked me out of this
Kelvin: “It seems as though your mind is made up.” I nodded "I have one request.”
Me: “Okay.” He placed his hands over mine.
Kelvin: “Spend one last night with me.” my pregnant self got wet that moment
and the look he was giving me didn’t help much.
Me: “Okay.”
Kelvin: “And do not ever insult me like that again by settling the bill.”
Me: “Okay.” All of a sudden, that was the only word I knew.
Kelvin: “Lets go” he took my hand and we left, he drove us to his hotel. He
showed me who was in charge that afternoon. The sex was soooo amazing!! “You
are scared that I might change when you give birth?” I nodded “Try me and let’s
see.” Huh?
Me: “…”
Kelvin: “I have said a lot but I want to show you now. Muffin you woke up
something in me that had died a long time ago. I want to make you happy. We
didn’t meet under normal circumstances and that means our life won’t be
normal. Normal is overrated anyway.”
Me: “Kelvin its not easy as you make it sound.”
Kelvin: “You are worth the sweat my chocolate muffin.” We kissed and round 2
commenced. Just like that I found myself digging a deeper hole into Kelvin and
him and his sleek words were sucking me in. I indeed spent the night and the next
day he left for business and I went back to my life.
Alime: “You have been scarce lately.”
Me: “I am a busy woman. How is Ntombi and Beverley” I laughed, no one was
reckless as Alime guys.
Alime: “She’s past her due date and she hates me even more, I am actually
headed that side, she’s inducing tomorrow.”
Me: “Maybe I should go with you I miss gogo.” As we were talking Ndu came in
holding a rolled up piece of paper and rocco mamas take away “Is that for me?”
he nodded and I jumped for it "Thank you"
Ndu: “I want to show you something.”
Me: “Show me.” he opened the paper and it looked like a plan, a house plan
Ndu: “Its our new home, the one I am planning to build for us.”
Me: “Its looks big.”
Ndu: “Our family is growing angith.”
Me: “It is. I’d say its nice but all I am seeing is lines.” They laughed at me
Ndu: “It will come together, Zweli drew it for me.”
Me: “That is great.” I wasn’t interested, honestly.
Alime: “Are you coming?”
Me: “No, we are planning a house, I guess I will come with Lakhe tomorrow.”
Lakhe: “I am leaving with him, that’s our baby.” these two.
Ndu: “We’ll come see you tomorrow.” They took their bags and left. Ndu and I
spent the day together even though he was on the phone half the time,
apparently their business was under attack, whatever that meant, I involved
myself less when it came to his business. And the boys were at the foster house
visiting their friends, it wasn’t weird anymore. “We are going to be fine right?”
Me: “We are.” Whatever that meant. He kissed my forehead and I rested my head
on his chest. I was at peace, like I belong there. But why was I affected by Kelvin
so much?

»59«
CONTINUED
HLANGA
The past couple of months have been bumpy for me from my father almost dying
to me being shot, sometimes I didn’t even know if I was coming or going
especially business wise but the only constant was my wife. Whatever I was
dealing with I knew she had my back just like I had hers. Now tell me what kind of
husband am I to leave her at such a crucial and vulnerable phase of our lives? She
was a new mother just like I was a new father, her and Ndoni ka baba needed me.
Lang: “Mthethwa!! Where are you this morning?” I was so unfocused, it wasn’t
even funny. All I wanted was to be home with my wife and child. Thingo wasn’t
helping with switching off her phone, wherever she was I know she wasn’t okay
just like I wasn’t. All she did was send me Ndoni’s pictures and switched off her
phone. I appreciated the little effort and that made me want to do more but my
hands were tied.
Me: “I am sorry, you were saying?” as we were talking Nqobani entered the room
Lang: “You are 30 minutes late Major!” this woman was annoying, she took her
job way too seriously or was it because I didn’t care anymore?
Nqobani: “Better late then never right?” we chuckled and he took his seat
Lang: “You need to control your team Mthethwa!” I nodded but I didn’t see
anything wrong. We all been late once in our lives.
Me: “Carry on Mrs Lang.” and we spoke about our next mission which was in
Brazil. After the meeting we took the case files and attempted to leave
Nqobani: “Can I have a word with you.” He pointed at Lang and I. the rest of our
team left and it was just the 3 of us
Me: “What is it?”
Nqobani: “Here, my resignation letter.” I wasn’t expecting that
Lang&I: “What??”
Nqobani: “I am done with the military and I am done with the UN.” he had a
straight face and that meant he was serious.
Lang: “That’s not how it works Major! We spent a lot of money in training you and
we are going to get back our investment.” Why was she making it seem as though
we didn’t have a choice?
Nqobani: “I didn’t ask for this promotion, you forced it down my throat.”
Me: “We are not your slaves Jessica!” she was pissing me off
Lang: “This contracts says otherwise. I own you for the next 7 years.” Hehe! She
didn’t know who she was dealing with. That statement alone was enough for me
to also realize that my time with the military was over.
Nqobani: “No one owns me, I am out!” he left the room.
Me: “You know what I quit as well, this is not worth my time anymore.”
Lang: “I will find you.”
Me: “I will be expecting you and I will use these skills you paid for.” I left as well
and tried catching up to Nqobani “And then wena, no warning?” he laughed
Nqobani: “My heart is not in this anymore Hlanga. Maybe when we first started I
liked it but now all I want is to be home and handle our side business.”
Me: “I get your point about your heart being home.”
Nqobani: “I was about to ask, how you are here when your daughter is only 5 days
old?”
Me: “I have been asking myself the same thing.” The truth is I felt like I was failing
Thingo by choosing my job over her and our daughter, I wasn’t proud of that
decision but I was a team leader and I had a responsibility to the team but after
Nqobani’s stunt I realized that, I had to do what was best for me. Lang can find
another leader if she needs one. “How are you getting home?”
Nqobani: “I am taking the first flight out, I have a meeting I cant offord to miss
when I land.”
Me: “Meeting?”
Nqobani: “Hlelo’s graduation present.”
Me: “Shit!! I totally forgot.” It really slipped my mind, and Thingo’s graduation
was a day we have been looking forward to for years, how did I forget about it?
“So whats the plan?”
Nqobani: “I don’t know yet, that’s why I cant miss that meeting.” While we were
talking I was busy booking my flight. Our conversation ended up being about
business “JB is still in a coma. That is not good because we still don’t know who
attacked him.” He was really fond of him, I felt it was because he helped get him
closure for his family.
Me: “We need to find whoever is gunning for us or we will all die Nqobani.”
Nqobani: “I can’t die yet, we will find him. I am speaking to some of our clients
and most are on board.”
Me: “I could use some good news.” We went back to our hotel and we started
packing. Yes we were really done, we were officially gangsters now, there was no
cover ups and fronting. I didn’t see that day ending the way it did but my heart
was at peace knowing that I was going back to my family.
=========
We landed in Joburg in the morning and I decided to use that time to my
advantage before I went home.
Lonhle: “They are coming tomorrow?”
Me: “Yeah. Please be there to receive them and also make sure that they do a
great job, its Ndoni ka baba’s room not just any baby girl’s room so it needs to be
perfect.” He laughed. I spent that day looking for people to paint Ndoni’s room.
Had I had the time, I was going to do it myself but I didn’t. So I hired people to
decorate and paint Ndoni’s room for when they move back just like Hlelo
suggested.
Lonhle: “I feel sorry for her, having you as a father!” I wasn’t going to respond to
that. I know I was too much when it came to Thingo and Ndoni and I wasn’t going
to apologize for loving them they way I did.
Me: “Mxm!” I received a text from the pilot alerting me about our departure time.
“I have to go, Mpilonhle I am counting on you. They are coming back soon and the
paint fumes should be gone.”
Lonhle: “I wont let you down bafo.” We shook hands
Me: “Thanks for driving me here, I will see you soon.”
Lonhle: “Sure!” I took my bag from his boot and I went through the airport. I tried
calling my wife again and her phone was still off, it was frustrating because I
didn’t know what she was thinking but I was comforted by the fact that I was
seeing her soon.
Me: “Watch it!!!” a lady was about bump into me, she wasn’t looking where she
was going.
Lady: “Oooh I am so sorry.” She looked up and we stared at each other. It couldn’t
be “Hlangalezwe!” my eyes were deceiving me, what was she doing here? “Oh my
look at you.”
Me: “Fundiswa!” words decided to finally come out.
Fundi: “Wow! Long has it been, 16-17 years since we last saw each other?”
Me: “18 years actually.” At the mention of the last time we saw each other my
mood changed “I have a flight to catch, it was good seeing you.”
Fundi: “Hlanga wait!” I turned to look her direction “I was actually on my way to
Durban and it seems as though I missed my flight. Here and call me anytime from
tomorrow.” She handed me her business card “By the look on your face, I know
you have questions and I do owe you answers.”
Me: “I don’t have any questions, you left and I got the message. So you do not
owe me anything.” I carried on moving towards the hanger. I turned and looked
back and she was standing she was also looking at me. Was it a good idea to leave
her stranded when I had a whole jet? And also my ego was bruised when she left
and I wanted to show her that I was living my dream. “I can get you to Durban, I
am headed that way myself.”
Fundi: “You would be a life saver, I promise to pay you.”
Me: “Come this way.” I led us to the jet
Fundi: “Wow! Is this yours?”
Me: “It is.” It was the gang’s jet and I had a stake in it so yes it was mine. She gave
me a look that said, I have a lot to say. I didn’t care, she was my past and she
needed to stay there.
Fundi: “Hlanga I feel like I owe you an explanation.”
Me: “I am not that guy you knew 18 years ago Fundi, maybe you owed him an
explanation but not now. I only have one question though.” She nodded “Was it
worth it?” that’s all I wanted to know.
Fundi: “Hlanga that’s not fair.” I guess it wasn’t or she would’ve said it.
Me: “I think I have my answer.” After that I put on my headphones and I listened
to my jazz collection. I am sure you are asking yourself what is the story between
Fundiswa Mbhele and Hlangalezwe Mthethwa? Well 18 years ago when I was
knee deep in gangs together with Chancellor and our friend Linda who was
murdered, I also had at that time Fundi who was “My Ride or Die” girlfriend.
Things were perfect, the sex was great and she was thee gangster girlfriend. I
remember how Chance and Linda always said they’ll find themselves a “Fundi”
one day because to them she was the epitome of a gangster girlfriend. Fundi
sometimes stashed everything we stole, be it money or guns or whatever I told
her to keep safe, she did. That was my life with Fundi until one day she told me
being a gangster’s girlfriend bothered her. I didn’t understand and I chose to
ignore her and I carried on throwing money at her, she was a liker of things
anyway. Then Linda died and I went deep into alcohol and my other demons
woke up, maybe that scared her, I don’t know because I never got to find out. All I
got was a text saying she was moving to Cape Town and her number was
disconnected after that. We landed in Durban and I was met by Mandla with my
car keys
Mandla: “Boss.”
Me: “Sure, sure.” I looked at Fundi “How are you getting home?” she was from
Durban eMlazi.
Fundi: “I am catching a cab.”
Me: “Mandla drop her off.”
Mandla: “Sure boss.”
Me: “You are in safe hands.”
Fundi: “Thank you Hlanga. Can we meet up so I can explain myself, I am back in
town for good and …”
Me: “I am not interested Fundiswa.” I left, I drove past a florist and bought
flowers and chocolate and I drove home. I went straight to our room and I was
met by a beautiful sight. Thingo was breastfeeding our daughter but it seemed as
though my wife had dosed off and Ndoni was just looking at her. I took as many
pictures as I could. And I took my daughter from her and she jumped!
Thingo: “You are back!!” she showed me half a smile. I wasn't sure if she was
happy or not.
Me: “I am really sorry for leaving. I didn’t want to.” I kissed her “My apology.” I
pointed at the flowers.
Thingo: “Thank you but they are not good for her.” She stood up “I will take them
to the main house.” Things were really awkward, she was so cold and that scared
me a little.
Me: “I am sure you are tired, I will deal with them.”
Thingo: “No its fine bond with her.” She took the flowers and chocolate and left.
She was still mad at me and clearly avoiding me, I guess I deserved it. I took her
blanket and covered her and I went to the main house as well.
Baba: “Hehe, he remembered that he is a father.” He came over to take Ndoni
from me “Woza kuMkhulu Ntombiyonyambose (Come to your grandfather).”
Ma: “Uvukile uPhiwe ka gogo, akana baba ndzena (She is awake and she is
fatherless)!” wow! My parents though, so they were indirectly judging me.
Me: “I decided to quit.”
Thingo: “Haibo! Not that you asked for paternity leave?” being a spy didn’t
account for that. When I signed the contract I was single and available and that’s
why I was best suited for the job.
Me: “It was unnecessary. It was getting in the way of what’s important anyway.”
Thingo: “I need help with this.” She pointed at Ndoni’s bottles while she took her
flask. And I followed her to our room. My parents wanted to hear more about me
quitting. “Baba ka Ndoni are you sure about this?” she sighed and I couldn’t help
but smile at the way she addressed me. “Hlanga I know you love your job.”
Me: “Wangbiza kamnandi man (I liked how you addressed me)!” she giggled
“Mama ka Ndoni, a job is a job and that’s all it is. Kodwa wena no Ndoni ka baba
are my everything and I love you guys. I agree when we first started my work was
everything but I didn’t have you or that cute little baby you gave me. Now to
answer your question, yes I am sure.”
Thingo: “Okay.” She didn’t believe me
Me: “Say it.”
Thingo: “I feel like I forced your hand with the silent treatment and I made you do
something you didn’t want to.”
Me: “I was going to tell you if you did. We communicate about everything in this
union, right?” she nodded “I want to hear you say it Thingo lwam.”
Thingo: “Yes we communicate about everything.”
Me: “Okay then.” I sat down next a magazine “What is this?” I paged through it
and it had wedding dresses.
Thingo: “Banele bought them for me.” she looked away
Me: “You asked her?” she nodded. All of a sudden my wife had a few words and I
was worried. I hope she wasn’t going back to her hiding place. Her trust issues
were a lot to deal with sometimes “So you are planning our wedding?”
Thingo: “I don’t know, maybe.” Yes we were back to square one. She didn’t trust
me as her husband anymore.
Me: “Okay show me which one do you like.” She sat down next to me and we
started paging through the magazine “Hayi hayi mamasekhaya, yimbi lento (no
this one is ugly). You will not walk next to me wearing this.” She laughed so loud.
Thingo: “I know, I wanted to see if you still had taste.”
Me: “Mxm!”
Thingo: “Bheka and Hlelo are my bestman and made of honor and Aya is my
bridesmaid.” Huh, Bheka a best man?
Me: “Bheka is your best man?” she nodded and I honestly wanted her to be
happy on her big day so I went along with it “You need more bridesmaids because
I have 6 groomsmen.”
Thingo: “6 baba ka Ndoni?” she was shocked and I was serious. “I don’t know that
many people though.”
Me: “You will make a plan.” I bought her close to me and she stood up, more like
she jumped.
Thingo: “You haven’t eaten.”
Me: “I want you Thingo lwam.” I pulled her towards me.
Thingo: “Its still sore down there Nyambose.” Shit!
Me: “For how long?” I hugged her “Because I miss you.”
Thingo: “Ma said we should wait at least 4 months.” That wasn’t happening.
Me: “Let’s go eat.” We had dinner as a family while my daughter moved around
everyone’s arms. My mother didn’t want to give Thingo her daughter
Baba: “Hay hay MaZulu, nayi eyakho ingane (Here is your child).” He pointed at
me and we laughed
Ma: “Mxm.” My daughter was going to be spoilt, it showed with how everyone
wanted to hold her and she didn’t cry much.
=======
Nathan: “Haaa! Welcome to fatherhood njayam!! Pampers and bum creams,
nazo!” he shouted for the whole store to hear. Nathan was crazy sometimes
Me: “Yabhora Nathan.” I was busy shopping at Game “So what’s up?”
Sizwe: “We need to get your affairs in order. I mean I need your will and Thabo
even wrote his daughter a letter in case something happened to him.”
Me: “So vele, its war?”
Nathan: “They almost killed JB and the truck driver may never walk again Hlanga,
its war now. We shoot to kill and no one will live to tell the tale.” He was so
pissed, he was even turning red.
Me: “After we get the information we need right?” I wanted to make sure he still
had the main goal in mind.
Nathan: “I am pissed yes but I still have my senses.”
Me: “Okay then. Wena I will get you that letter tomorrow.” I pointed at Sizwe.
“Now leave, I have shopping to do.”
Nathan: “Don’t forget this.” He gave me a packet “Its baby wipes.” I checked the
list Thingo sent me and they were on the list
Me: “You are not totally useless.”
Nathan: “I am about to be a father of three my guy.”
Me: “What? Your wife or ex wife is pregnant again?” he nodded smiling and he
showed me picture of the sonagram from his phone. “Congrats my guy?” we
shook hands “Is the hope for you two?”
Nathan: “I am done with love Hlangalezwe. The list goes my kids, my job and the
rest can follow.” Meanwhile the idiot had bite marks on his neck. He was back to
fucking around, I knew that behaviour like the back of my hand.
Me: “I hope you know what you doing Nathan.”
Nathan: “Not everyone is lucky to have someone who sticks around through
stormy days.” He sighed “I am out.” After shopping I went to meet up with my
cousin at some chisa nyama, it was his suggestion anyway.
Me: “Sbuda!!”
Sbu: “Sho, sho!” I sat down and I started eating with him
Me: “What’s up?”
Sbu: “Hayi nex mfethu, we haven’t hangout in a while.”
Me: “You know why Sbu, you are not loyal and I don’t need that.”
Sbu: “Eish Hlanga I know I fucked up about telling my wife your business. Hade
bozza yam.”
Me: “Mxm!” while we were busy eating Fundi entered with someone old man, he
was old as my father. I looked at Sbu and he saw it too. My cousin had to pick a
chesanyama in eMlazi, nxa!
Sbu: “I thought she died.”
Me: “Well she woke up from the dead. I need to leave Sbu, we’ll talk on the
phone.” All this time Fundi’s eyes were on me, I could feel them. I left and went to
my car
Fundi: “Hlanga! Hlanga!” I turned and looked at her “I just need a second to
explain.”
Me: “…”
Fundi: “I wasn’t happy anymore, you cared more about finding Linda’s killers than
our relationship. On top of that you were becoming someone I didn’t know. The
alcohol and the anger outbursts, I was scared. Then an opportunity for me to go
study came and I took it and I never looked back.”
Me: “HE WAS DEAD FUNDI! MY FRIEND WAS DEAD AND I WAS GREIVING!!!” she
wanted to piss me off. “AND YOU JUST LEFT!”
Fundi: “Hlanga you were not grieving, you wanted to die with him, there is a
difference. The risks you started taking were too much and I had to start thinking
of myself.”
Me: “Then by all means please carry on thinking of yourself and LEAVE ME THE
FUCK ALONE!” I got in my car “YERRRRRR!!!” I drove away. I needed to punch
something. Why did I bump into her? I couldn’t afford my past coming back, it
wasn’t good for me and my marriage. I was still so worked up even on my drive
home and I couldn’t bring that negative energy anywhere close to my wife and
daughter. After parking the car, I started jogging, I didn’t know where I was going
but I needed fresh air. After I had calmed down I jogged back home.
Thingo: “You just disappeared, are you okay?”
Me: “I am great.” I kissed her and took Ndoni from her bed “Ndoni ka baba! I
missed you.” My daughter was going to be dark like me. “I need a shower. Wanna
join me? I am not going to wait for four months Thingo lwam.”
Thingo: “Ndoni is only a few weeks Hlangalezwe. Its not fair on her if I fall
pregnant again”
Me: “I am aware of that. What does she know about fairness? Its not fair that I
have to wait when I have a wife.”
Thingo: “Your pullout game better be strong gangleader!” she even pointed her
finger at me and I laughed.
Me: “Lets test it. Ngyakthanda mama ka Ndoni.”
Thingo: "Ngyakthanda nam baba ka Ndoni." And we took naughty shower
followed by one session on the bed before our daughter cramped my style, she
was going to be a problem, all she wanted was her food “So your graduation is
coming.”
Thingo: “The plan is we go together to fetch my certificate, you were part of my
journey Nyambose in obtaining this qualification.”
Me: “Okay. It will be the 3 of us now.” She giggled
Thingo: “Of course Miss Mthethwa is coming.”
Me: “And you better stay Miss we Ndoni.” Thingo laughed
Thingo: “She is Sbonga’s wife, Hlelo and I are talking grandkids now.” What??
Me: “Yay!!!” we laughed. After feeding her we stayed up and carried on talking
about our coming wedding which was after her graduation.
Thingo: “Nyambose wam.” She kissed me and batted her eyelashes. My wife
wanted something
Me: “No!”
Thingo: “Hlangalezwe I just served you my delicious cake.” I laughed “At least
hear me out.”
Me: “Fair enough, I am listening.”
Thingo: “I love you, you are my yonkinto baba ka Ndoni.” She was really buttering
me up and I wanted her to get to the point “Can I have a double barrel surname.”
Me: “What?”
Thingo: “Can I be Thingo Nxumalo-Mthethwa?”
Me: “Is this you or your father asking? You know he doesn’t like me right?”
Thingo: “I spoke to him about giving you a chance. He wanted to talk to my uncle
but I stopped him and I set him straight about the fact that I am your wife. All he
wants is a claim that I am his daughter and me taking his surname will make him
happy.”
Me: “Can I think about it? Thingo ngiyi ndoda yomZulu mina, isiko lithi (I am a
Zulu man and tradition says) you take my name after we have welcomed you into
our famiy hence you are Siphosethu Mthethwa.”
Thingo: “I know Nyambose. I told him I will talk to you first.”
Me: “Your situation is also unique because you never knew your father until now.
You both have a lot to deal with. Let me think about it.” I was bothered, I felt
Thingo’s father was trying to prove a point at the same time there was my wife
who was caught in the middle of trying to please us both. “Do you want the
Nxumalo name?” she nodded
Me: “Okay.” And also the fact that she had found what she had been searching
for years. I needed to talk to my father about this, this one was beyond me.
=======
Me: “Mthethwa hello?”
Caller: “Hlanga hi, its me.” it was a lady’s voice
Me: “Hi “Its me” can I help you?” like I knew who she was
Caller: “Its Fundi, I got your number from your cousin that day at the
chesanyama.” I am going to kill Sbusiso!!!
Me: “Get to the point Fundi.”
Fundi: “Hlanga seeing you that day woke up something in me. And the question
you asked me got me thinking. No Hlanga leaving wasn’t worth it. Leaving you
wasn’t worth it.”
Me: “…” was she kidding me?
Fundi: “I want you back Hlanga!” she was joking right?
Me: “…” I had nothing to say.

»59«
CONTINUED
Part 2
THINGO
Ma: “Ntombazane ka gogo bantuza (Her grandmother's baby)!!” She was playing
with her granddaughter “Simmy, Simmy.” My mother-in-law was obsessed, I felt if
she could breastfeed her she would. “I will watch her while you shower and get
some rest.” I had just finished giving her a bath. I knew my way around a baby
thanks to Snothi and my aunt who haven’t come to visit us by the way. Aya came
even though she was swamped with school, she came and spent one night and
left. I really appreciated her support and I realized that she’ll forever have my
back just like I had hers.
Me: “Thank you ma.” I needed it. She woke me up every 2 hours demanding her
food and Hlanga wasn’t great help in the middle of the night.
Ma: “You should consider using a breast pump so you can also do other things. I
don’t mind watching her while you go to town or even when you go back to
work.” The conversation was going so well until she spoke of work. I loved
mothering that adorable baby, as exhausting as she was but my heart was happy.
Just when I think I know love, then my little cub came along to remind me just
how big it really is. The fruit of my union to Hlanga and there was more coming.
So the thought of leaving her was a bit, I don’t know depressing.
Me: “I am still on maternity leave for a while and I don’t need anything in town.” I
really didn’t. I sent Hlanga for our supplies and he was doing a great job. Anything
to do with his daughter he did with no hesitation.
Ma: “But you are going back to work at some point.” She had a point but …
Me: “I know, but how will things work out, we are going to Joburg soon? I think I
will have to consider getting a nanny”
Ma: “You don’t need to waste money on a nanny when I am available Siphosethu.
Simphiwe can stay here with me and you will see her during weekends or I come
live with you so I can watch her.” What? I don’t think I wanted that. I love her, she
is the best but I needed my own space with my husband and daughter. Having her
24/7 meant my father-in-law will show up and he made me uncomfortable.
Me: “…” I didn’t know what to say “We’ll talk when Nyambose gets back but
there’s still time.”
Ma: “Go rest.” I left the main house. I was so bothered, so she wanted me to be
away from my daughter the whole week and only get her on weekends? It wasn’t
fair for both me and my Khanya, when will we get our time to bond? I felt she
wanted to bond with her more than me and she was my baby. I cleaned our room
and washed Khanya’s washing and later took a shower. I decided to check on my
father, he did most of the calling but I needed to meet him halfway.
Dad: “Nkosazane yam.” My dad though.
Me: “Hello baba ninjani (hello dad how are you doing)?”
Dad: “Good, good. I am just happy to hear from you. How are you and
Kukhanya?”
Me: “We are fine. I was just checking up on you.”
Dad: “All is well with your old man.” I laughed, wow! “That’s what your brothers
call me angith.”
Me: “Hayi bane haba (They are dramatic), you are not that old.”
Dad: “I also don’t feel old kodwa sizothini.” He sounded defeated. “How are the
Mthethwas?” wow? So he cared?
Me: “They are doing well.”
Dad: “That’s good, I am sure they are happy about Kukhanya.”
Me: “They are. Baba I called to invite you to my graduation, that’s if you are
available. I am sure being king you have a lot …” I was rambling at this point.
Dad: “Slow down princess.” He chuckled “Of course I am going to be there. You
have done well ndodakazi.” He sighed “I know I cant take any credit for your
achievements but I would like to be useful somehow, do you need anything?”
guilt was eating him alive and I honestly didn’t know how to help him.
Me: “Baba all I want is for you to be there. Oh and also start planning my
welcoming ceremony.” I think I heard him smile
Dad: “Are you sure you are ready?” he sounded happy
Me: “Yes I am.”
Dad: “I will seat down with the council then. Be prepared, it is going to big. You
are royalty after all.” I honestly didn’t feel like one. To me I was only building a
relationship with my father and his family, the royal things were his things.
Me: “I am sure it will be.”
Dad: “I have to go, we’ll talk later about your graduation.”
Me: “Okay, take care.” I hung up and I placed my head on the pillow and I was
gone.
Ma: “Siphosethu!” she shook me. I also heard baby cries. Why me, I just put my
head on the pillow? Ma was right, it was time I started pumping her breast milk
“Vuka (wake up) and feed my granddaughter.” I got off the bed and went to
sanitize my hands
Me: “Woooh MaMthethwa is so demanding!” I took her from her grandmother
and we sat down on the bed and I gave her my boob to suck. “Aah shame I almost
killed her.” I giggled, she was sucking for dear life.
Ma: “I will go start with the pots.”
Me: “Khululeka (relax) ma, I will cook today.” She had been cooking since I gave
birth, it wasn’t fair.
Ma: “Are you sure?”
Me: “I am well rested now. Let me finish feeding her and I will get started.”
Ma: “Okay.” She left us and my daughter and I just looked at each other while she
ate. I wasn’t sure if she could see me. She was so innocent with her brown eyes
and I wanted her to stay that way. She was slowly dosing off and that was a good
thing for me, I was going to be able to cook and maybe try the baby pump I got as
a baby shower gift from my mother-in-law, no wonder she suggested it.
Voice: “Knock! Knock!” I wasn’t in a good state for visitors. My hair was a mess
and I wasn’t dressed decent, I was in Hlanga’s old military t-shirt.
Me: “Come in!” I covered myself with Khanya’s fleece blanket as the door slowly
opened “Omg! Mamazi!!” And she showed me her beautiful smile “This is a nice
surprise!” I was smiling as well, I was really happy to see her.
Mamazi: “Hey mama bear.” She came closer and admired my baby “The pictures
didn’t do her justice, she is too nunuz. Hello Ndoniyonyambose.” She said in a soft
tone “Congratulations again mama bear, motherhood is amazing. It’s a
rollorcoaster ride and its so worth it.” She said it with so much convinction.
Me: “Thank you mamazi.”
Mamazi: “I am sorry for just dropping by unnaccounced, Miss G and I were so
bored, so I decided to bring her so she could meet her best friend.” I laughed, the
Gumedes though. If it wasn’t Hlelo setting her son up with my newborn daughter
it was her mother forming a friendship.
Me: “Where is the little victress?” oh Miss G was Qhawekazi by the way.
Mamazi: “In the main house with Ntombi.” They had become good friends with
my mother-in-law.
Me: “She’s done feeding. Lets go to the main house.”
Mamazi: “Let me burp her for you.” She took her and left and got decent and
joined them. I got to the main house and ma was making Qhawekazi laugh so
much, she really loved babies and she was also good with them.
Me: “I will get started with the pots.”
Ma: “Don’t worry Ntandokazi bought food, its on top of the table.” I nodded and
went to check it out. It was a lot, it was platters of slyders, sticky wings and potato
wedges and 3 take aways with braaid meat and wors, there was dessert as well,
haibo this woman. I started dishing up for us but myself mostly because it was so
appetizing. I now understood where Hlelo took the habit of not coming empty
handed when visiting. After dishing I served them.
Mamazi: “Oh no, you shouldn’t have. The food was for you.”
Me: “Okay, can I offer you juice then?” she nodded and I poured it for her and we
sat and conversed about how we were adjusting to the newest member of our
family and the happiness she has bought. If it wasn’t Banele demanding pictures
of her everyday, it was Hlanga and Lonhle texting me and asking how she was
doing and of course her grandparents who just wanted to hold her. Then her and
ma started giving me advise and tips on parenting, it was all so refreshing and it
made me realize that I had a long way to go as a mother. They laid out the picture
that the journey of motherhood was a discovery of strengths you didn’t know you
had and also how you deal with fears you never knew even existed. And they
were right I was all of a sudden aware of the tiniest things that could harm
Khanya and I was suddenly ready to fight anything that got between her and I
even if it was my husband or his mother for wanting to separate us, for my
Khanya I was ready to slay dragons.
Mamazi: “It was really good seeing you guys but we have to head back now.” She
gave me Khanya who had been sleeping on her arms this whole time. I took her
and went to put her in her bed.
Ma: “Thank you for coming to check up on us.”
Mamazi: “Don’t mention it. If you guys are available I have an event coming up
called “M&M Talk” its a Makoti & Mamezala dialogue.”
Me: “Sounds interesting.”
Ma: “I am interested.”
Mamazi: “It will mean a lot to me if you two came. We will be basically engaging
in different scenarios involving this particular relationship.”
Me: “What kind of scenarios maybe?” It sounded interesting
Mamazi: “Some makotis have really toxic relationships with their mother-in-laws
Thingo or visa versa so I want to maybe break that chain that makotis and
mamezala can’t get along. Like you two can share with the ones caught in toxic
relationships on how to better the situation and also how to improve a
functioning one. It will be a dialogue mostly and we are also fundraising so you
have to buy a ticket and you can invite people around you as well.” My mother-in-
law was nodding so much, it was obvious that we are in.
Ma: “It’s a good thing you are doing yaz, I for one had a tough time and I had to
work really hard to prove myself to my mother-in-law. Marrying a breadwinner is
even harder because they thought I was after Themba’s money.” I didn’t know
that. To me they were just a happy couple.
Mamazi: “To me age was a huge factor and also money because he had already
accomplished so much for himself. It wasn’t even his mother I had to prove
myself to, it was his grandmother because he was closer to her than anyone.”
Wow, I never pictured these women not being wanted by anyone, they were such
good people.
Me: “I guess I have a different story to tell about how I was welcomed with open
arms and I didn’t even feel like I was a makoti but more as a daughter of the
family.” We all laughed
Mamazi: “Maybe that will open eyes for other people that peace is the way to
go.” That was true “I have to go now.” She took Qhawekazi from ma and she
strapped her in her car seat.
Me: “We are interested, I guess will hear from you about the date and the ticket
price?”
Mamazi: “I will text you the invite. I guess I will see you at Hlelo’s surprise party.”
Me: “Huh?” what surprise party?
Mamazi: “You didn’t know?” she was shocked and so was I “Me and my big
mouth anyway Nqobani is planning a party for her graduation, I am sure your
invite is on its way. Bye now” Wow lucky her. How was Nqobani pulling it off
without my help? I was the Hlelo whisperer just like she was mine. We watched
her drive out in her Mercedes GLE. We went back to the house
Ma: “Siphosethu.” I looked at her “Please be honest with me.” where was this
going?
Me: “I am always honest with you ma.”
Ma: “Do you find me boring or is my life boring?” what?
Me: “No. where is this coming from?”
Ma: “I don’t know, its just that when I look at Ntando and what she’s doing with
her life I cant help but feel useless. I am not educated like she is, all I am is
Themba’s wife who cooks and waits for him to come back. My kids are grown and
don’t need me anymore and I hardly sew anything now and I have basically taken
Simphiwe from you.” I wanted to laugh because of the way she sounded but it
wasn’t funny, she was doubting if she made the right choice by being a housewife.
Me: “Ma if you want an education go get it, its never too late. Whatever you want
to do, do it. BUT please do not start something just because mamazi is what,
what. You have done really well for yourself you have a great family, with a
hardworking husband and 3 very amazing children and an AMA-ZING makoti.”
She laughed and that’s what I wanted “And Simphiwe is growing up each day and
she will be proud of the way you raised her father.” She was smiling “Sometimes
your achievements are through your husband and children because you have
supported each and every one of them, including me like a good wife and mother
should. Now you have a very successful farmer husband, a doctor, an engineer
and lawyer and soon we will be seeing Banele’s name in newspapers.” She was
studying journalism.
Ma: “Thank you for saying that.”
Me: “And I mean it ma supporting and keeping a family together is not easy and it
shouldn’t be taken lightly. Things fall apart when the woman of the house has no
direction. So all of this, its your hardwork.” While were talking we heard Hlanga’s
car park followed by baba’s car
Ma: “I will dish up for them.” I think she felt better.
Me: “I wanted to try and use the pump while she was still sleeping.” I stood up
Ma: “I will watch her, don’t worry.” Khanya had two beds, one in our room and
one set up in the main house. I bought one and the other one was a gift from the
Nxumalo family. I met Hlanga about to enter our room
Me: “You look like my husband, I am not sure.” He laughed but it was forced, he
didn’t seem fine “You didn’t call or text today.”
Hlanga: “I am sorry, I was really caught up today.”
Me: “Okay. Is everything okay?”
Hlanga: “I am fine.”
Me: “Hlangalezwe.” I gave him a look that said you can lie better than that.
Hlanga was an open book, every emotion was written on his face. “What is
wrong?” his face changed real quickly
Hlanga: “SIPHOSETHU I SAID I AM FINE MAAN!” That was unnecessary and
hurtful.
Me: “Got it.” I went to look for that stupid baby pump.
Hlanga: “Thingo lwam.” his voice was less tense now. I carried on looking for that
pumping while trying to keep myself from crying. Next thing I felt his hands touch
me “I am sorry mama ka Ndoni.” I couldn’t look at him so I just nodded “Thingo
lwam I really am sorry.”
Me: “Why?” why did he just lose it like that. Hlanga’s outbursts were really scary
and it was like he was a totally different person. I could handle them, most of the
time but not when my hormones where still all over the place. One thing I was
certain of though was they were not random, there was always a trigger.
Hlanga: “I had a bad day, I know its not an excuse and I am …” I sat on the bed
and I patted a space for him to sit down,
Me: “Come here.” He came and sat next to me and I made him lie on my chest
“Its just a bad day, tomorrow will be better. Ndoni and I here for you, whatever
you need okay?” he nodded
Hlanga: “Thank you.”
Me: “Okay.” We sat in silence for a while
Hlanga: “Please don’t leave me.” what? The Mthethwas were just being weird
that day. He looked at me “I know I am hard to deal with and I come with a lot of
baggage and that’s not fair on you but please Thingo lwam bear with me.” I don’t
know what happened to him that day that had him so messed up.
Me: “Okay.” There was no leaving this guy, I loved him.
Hlanga: “Ngyakthanda mamasekhaya.”
Me: “I love you too.” We baby kissed “Now help me figure this out so that your
daughter can eat.” I pointed at the pump.
Hlanga: “I don’t want you starving her.” Of course he wouldn’t. And we read the
instructions and then followed them. “Its working.” It was. “Can I taste it so I can
know what has Ndoni waking us up in the middle of the night?” I laughed and my
husband took my breast and started sucking. He made a face
Me: “And?”
Hlanga: “I don’t know, it doesn’t taste like the milk we drink.”
Me: “Obviously that’s cow milk hawu.” He laughed and I carried on pumping until
I filled a bottle. My husband had been just staring at me this whole time “What is
it?”
Hlanga: “Nothing, its just that a lot has happened over the years.” We have really
come far, I mean did you ever picture me having a child with this guy, because I
didn’t.
Me: “A lot has changed as well.” We sat and had a mini moment but it was
disturbed by a knock
Ma: “Yay nina!!! Simphiwe is still very young.” Hlanga and I laughed and she
entered with my daughter.
Hlanga: “She is awake.” And he just lit up and the sight of her “Nkosazane ka
babakhe.” He kissed her forehead and I just smiled. They both meant a great deal
to me.
Ma: “We are spending the night at the farm.” She placed the keys to the main
house on the table
Hlanga: “Okay.”
Me: “We’ll see you tomorrow then.” She nodded and left. We spent that night
bonding, my husband’s mood was slowly getting better.
======
Hlanga: “I am not coming back tonight, I have a lot to deal with gang wise.”
Me: “Should I be worried.”
Hlanga: “Not at all Thingo lwam, everything will work itself out.”
Me: “Okay. Call me just so I know you are fine.” I was worried, I wont even
downplay it. This guy almost died on me not so long ago, I was allowed to be
worried.
Hlanga: “Okay. What are two going to do all day?”
Me: “What we always do, nothing.”
Hlanga: “You haven’t left the yard since you came back from the hospital
Siphosethu, you haven’t even driven your new car.” I had no where to go plus I
just didn’t have the confidence to leave the house. “Take this go shopping and do
your hair and go see Aya.” He handed me his bank card. I wont even get offended,
my hair needed to be dealt with.
Me: “I don’t need to shop.” I just wanted to stay at home.
Hlanga: “Your graduation is coming up and I don’t have a suit, go shop for me and
Ndoni. I want her outfit to match mine.” I laughed was he being serious?
Me: “Okay fine, I will go shop for you two.” He bend over and kissed me since I
was sitting on the couch “Baba ka Ndoni we should start thinking of getting help
for when I go back to work.” He didn’t understand “Ma suggested that she stays
here and I don’t agree, I think a nanny makes more sense.”
Hlanga: “Siphosethu you know how I feel about strangers in my house and I don’t
see the problem if she stays with my mother. You don’t have to work you know, I
can take care of us, I have been taking care of us.” Was he crazy?
Me: “You want me to be a housewife?”
Hlanga: “I’d prefer it actually then we wont have to hire strangers.”
Me: “Kanti Hlanga what were the past four years about? I didn’t work my ass off
and get this qualification just to sit and do nothing.” My hardwork and sweat all
for nothing “Hlanga I can be a mother and a lawyer. A lot of people are doing it
and so will I. Nannies exist for a reason.”
Hlanga: “I didn’t say do nothing, the problem is the 9-5 job you have. Find
something flexible to do so that you have time to be a mother.” this is a
nightmare! “We will not talk about other people, this is about you, me and Ndoni
and what works for us.”
Me: “…” we looked at each other, he was serious about this madness. “Hlanga I
thought you supported my dreams.”
Hlanga: “I do support your dreams but things have changed Siphosethu, we are
parents now. I have also made adjustments, what about you?” that wasn’t fair, I
didn’t say he must quit the military.
Me: “No one said quit the military Hlanga, it was your choice.”
Hlanga: “A choice I was happy to make for you and our daughter. You didn’t need
to ask me to make you guys a priority. And you may not have said anything but
you are the one who switched off your phone and stopped communicating while I
was away. So don’t you dare say no one forced me.” he was getting angry “Its
time for you to get your priorities in order for this family Siphosethu. There wont
be a nanny because there is you or Ndoni will stay with my mother and not bond
with you!” he left the room. Why was Hlanga making it seem like him and I were
the same, he had just told me he wasn’t coming back while I couldn’t even move
without Ndoni. He didn’t make any sacrifices, his life was still going on. He was
right about one thing though, I needed to leave the house but I needed to calm
her down first, she had been crying since her father left
Me: “Your father is so unreasonable.” I was busy hushing her “Shhh its going to be
okay baby, it was just a misunderstanding. Mama and papa bear will kiss and
make up.” I looked at her and she wasn’t barging. I checked her diaper and gave
her milk and she didn’t want it. She was crying so much it was even starting to
hurt me “Calm down phela MaMthethwa.” I swear I was about to cry with her
then a knock came. Hlanga was supposed to lock the gate “We have a guest
KuKhanya so please be your jolly self.” I spoke with her while we went to attend
the knock and no she didn’t stop crying. I was beginning to think that there was
something wrong with her. I opened the door and I was met by an old man with
white hair dressed in a very weird way. He was wearing a black suit with a white
shirt but the weird thing was the beads around his neck, wrists and what looked
like a horse tail he was holding. If I didn’t know better id say he was a traditional
healer or something
Man: “Makoti.” Huh?
Me: “Sawubona baba (Hello sir).” And he took my crying daughter from me, I was
so confused and he really caught me off guard. Next thing he hit her gently with
that tail thing on her face “Haibo!!!” what was he doing?
Man: “Bo Nyambose!!!” and she calmed down and he made funny sounds. Ndoni
went silent guys, I was so lost. The man looked at me “Babies can sense tension
from their parents.”
Me: “…” how did he know?
Man: “Ngiwu Nkomose mina makoti (I am Nkomose) I came to check up on you.”
Me: “Me?” he chuckled
Man: “The Mthethwa family but mostly you.” He had a straight face like what he
said is normal, I didn't even know him yet he was there to check up on me. He
was still holding my baby that time and he had made himself comfortable on the
couch
Me: “Ma and baba are not here at the moment and my husband is out too, its just
us.”
Man: “Okay then. I can see I am making you uncomfortable but I am harmless.
Consider me a friend makoti.” I nodded “I came to warn you, you are in danger, I
see a lot of darkness surrounding your husband.” What? “Its not clear yet,
sometimes these things take time but you and Yonyambose are not safe.” he
even knew my daughter's name. Haibo!!! this man “Hlanga is not answering my
calls so I figured I should come warn him personally.” So he knew the family. How
and why?
Me: “Baba angikuzwa kahle (Sir I don’t understand).” Was this man trying to
traumatize me “I think I should call him so he can also hear what you have to say.”
He stood up and handed me my sleeping baby
Man: “I have to go makoti.”
Me: “Cha baba ungahambi (Please don’t go).” I took my phone and dailed his
number “I am calling him now.”
Man: “I really have to go. The only way to keep you safe is if you distance yourself
from him.” he looked at me, like he was studying me
Me: “Distance myself?” how? “Baba he is my husband.”
Man: “Do it for her.” He pointed at Ndoni “I tried helping Hlanga but he wouldn’t
let me but here I am again trying to help him again.” He walked out the door
making those weird sounds again. I wasn’t okay and Hlanga wasn’t picking up his
phone. What has Hlanga gotten himself to that he has put Khanya and I in
danger? Could he be that stupid? No, no he is not. Hlangalezwe Mthethwa loves
us, he would never compromise our safety like that, I was trying to convince
myself more than anything. I took Ndoni and strapped her in her car seat and we
drove to the farm, that’s where ma and baba were.
Ma: “Haibo Siphosethu yini nge speed uhamba nomntwana (Why are you
speeding while you are with a baby)?” she was a little pissed. I wasn’t in a state to
be alone or to think properly.
Me: “Ngyaxolisa ma (I am sorry).”
Baba: “Khuluma makoti (Talk).”
Me: “There was a man at the house. He said his name is Nkomose.”
Baba: “Haibo! What did he say?” they both listened attentively.
Me: “Baba he was talking in riddles but his words were “he came to check up on
us, the Mthethwa family but mostly me” How did he know about me ma?” I was
talking so fast “He also said I was in danger and I should distance myself from
Hlanga for Simphiwe’s sake because Hlangalezwe is surrounded by darkness.” Ma
and baba looked at each other and back at me “I am so scared. Now Hlangalezwe
is not answering his phone.” I started crying “I don’t understand all these things.”
I was really blank when it came to herbalists.
Ma: “Calm down Siphosethu.” she brushed my back “Themba find your son and
go find Nkomose maybe its Hlanga he needs to see.”
Me: “He also said Hlanga is ignoring his calls.”
Baba: “Even if I find him, Hlanga wants nothing to do with Nkomose Zodwa.”
Ma: “I don’t care, fix it Mthethwa!”
Baba: “Okay. You three go back home and lock all doors!!” he commanded.
Within a blink of an eye, I saw my husband in him. “Go now!!!” I now understood
where Hlangalezwe came from.
Ma: “Drive Siphosethu.” we got in the car and drove back home. “We need to
pray Siphosethu.”
Me: “Okay.” We got home and we locked the gate and doors and we prayed, my
mother-in-law went deep of course. That day I vowed to strengthen my faith, I
know I have vowed before but this time I meant it. “Ma will Hlanga and I ever
have peace?”
Ma: “Siphosethu only God can give you peace. Do you pray for your marriage or
your husband?” I shook my head “Then you need to start, offer Hlanga and your
marriage with him to his creator and things will fall in place but only if you
believe.” I nodded. Things were getting complicated by the day, I was so scared
and that somehow paraylsed me. How did that man think I was going to distance
myself from Hlanga when he was my life-line and the father of my child? What
darkness was surrounding him, was it his gang? My thoughts ate at me until I gave
myself a headache.

>>60<<
HLELO
Me: "Hello boy boy. Aunty's big boy!!" I held him like the new born baby that he
was. "You are a father bhuti."
Alime: "That I am." he had the biggest smile on his face. He was happy.
Musa: "Congrats guys, a new addition to the grandkids. The king has been the
only one for way too long!!" we laughed.
Ntombi: "Siyabonga(thank you) aunty ka boy." yes my whole family were
bombarded in Ntombi's hospital room, she had given birth the previous day and
we all came to show them support. Plus a new member was joining our family
"What are we going to name him Khaya?"
Alime: "Ndlovukazi, Qwabe first name for my son please" baba took him from me
and looked at him
Baba: "Phakathwayo Gumede." so he was going to have our clan name as a
name?
Alime: "It's perfect! Phakathwayo Vusikhaya Gumede."
Sasa: "Vusikhaya, really? That's an old person's name." I agree
Mamazi: "Alimikhaya and Vusikhaya?" she asked smiling
Alime: "Yes my son and I will carry on the Gumede name." my dad laughed
Baba: "I like that idea." of course he did.
Ntombi: "I like them too." she was smiling. Ntombi wasn't the first girl you notice
in the room until she stood up. The girl had a killer body, natural curves and firm,
you'd swear she was a regular at the gym but we all know there were no gyms in
the village our family was from. Baba stood up and handed Phaka to gogo
Baba: "We need to talk, all of you." he pointed at the boys.
Them: "Okay." they all stood up and we were left with Ntombi who looked really
tired.
Gogo: "I called your parents makoti and they haven't changed their minds." yes
my grandmother called Ntombi makoti even though him and Alime weren't
together.
Ntombi: "Ubaba akafuni lutho ezomhlanganisa nathi gogo, wakusho kwacaca
lokho(My dad wants nothing to do with me and the baby, he made that clear)."
Ntombi's father kicked her out when she fell pregnant and she's been living with
her aunt but on her last trimester she moved in with my grandmother. And by the
looks of things that's where they'll be staying for a while.
Mamazi: "Just give him time sisi, he'll come around."
Me: "It won't be like this forever.“ she nodded doubtfully. "Let's give Ntombi and
Phaka some space to bond. We'll see you later."
Ntombi: "Okay. Thank you for the food and the clothes. Thank you for
everything." she was getting emotional
Mamazi: "Anything for you and Khaya 2.0"
Gogo: "We are here for you makoti."
Sasa: "Kodwa gogo." I laughed because Sasa and I had a problem with this makoti
thing and Ntombi liked it, you could tell. We all stood up and made our way to the
door. We found baba and the boys in a deep conversation and it sounded serious
with the way Lakhe and his twin had folds on their foreheads
Musa: "Whatever they are talking about, I want to hear it. Look at how baba has
popped his eyes." he was serious whenever that happened.
Mamazi: "You are so nosy. They are talking about Alime going to apologize and
pay damages to Ntombi's father."
Sasa: "Ntombi down, Beverley to go." I laughed, trust my sister to go out of topic.
Mamazi: "Haisuka man Kusaselihle, uyaphapha (you are too forward)." I was still
laughing, she wasn't wrong though. The suspense about the paternity of Beverly's
child was still weighing over us and my brother too. "And your brother says it's
not his."
Me: "There's a possibility that it is though."
Sasa: "Should we bet on it?" mamazi and I laughed
Mamazi: "Yes. I say it's not with a R1000 on the table."
Musa: "Alime is my brother and I know him. That baby is his with R5k on the
table."
Me: "I am with Musa."
Sasa: "Me too."
Gogo: "You have no shame. Khaya is your brother and this situation is stressful for
him, show some support."
Us: "Mxm!" my grandmother favored Alime guys, it was so obvious. With the way
she had been supporting him and Ntombi and this Beverley mess.
Gogo: "Stop this madness. Zusakhe kant yin(what's wrong with you)?" she was
actually pissed.
Mamazi: "Hawu kodwa ma!"
Gogo: "Haisuka man umdala(you are old) , act your age!" wow this woman. She
just blew this thing out of proportion. We took our astonished faces to the car
and we went back home.
=====
Me: "Are you going to be fine here?"
Nqobani: "I'll be fine, go and take care of Emma.“
Me: "Okay. I love you." I kissed his cheek
Nqobani: "Yay!" I laughed and kissed him on the lips "That's better. And I love you
too." I left him smiling and I helped Emma with her wedding dress. Yes her
wedding day finally came after planning for it for months. It was a simple but
elegant wedding just like my friend.
Me: "You look amazing."
E. Mom: "She really does."
Emma: "Thank you." she sighed "I haven't seen Tony all morning. Where's my
phone? Omg he's going to be late like always." she was starting to panic
E. Mom: “Calm down my angel and I'll go and find him. Everything will go as
planned my angel, I promise ."
Me: "Yes. Mom and I are here to make sure of that."
Emma: "Okay, okay. Thank you both for being here."
E. Mom: "Hle fix her makeup and I'll go find your father." she kissed her daughter
and left.
Emma: "Jacques and I will make it, right Hle?“ the fact that her parents were
divorced bothered her. Her living situation was really bad when we were growing
up, having to spend some holidays with her mother and others with Tony.
Me: "Of course you will. You two love and support each other and whenever
there's conflict talk things through." she hugged me
Emma: "Ngyabonga ngayo yonke into mngan wam(Thank you for everything my
friend). For friendship and sisterhood. Can me getting married not change
anything?"
Me: "Baphiwe you will always be my best friend, married or unmarried. Even if
you are starting a new life in a different country, we'll find a way."
Emma: "We always do." she tried to contain her tears but she was failing "Get me
in a better mood please."
Me: "Uhm...Let's see, oh my plus one is Nqobani." she giggled
Emma: "You too are going strong, I am really happy for you."
Me: "I guess we are and thank you but I have this feeling that things are moving
fast."
Emma: "What do you mean?"
Me: "I don't know man, the weekend of our getaway, he mentioned us having a
child and things have been different ever since. He brushes my tummy and
sometimes he kisses it, it's just weird. And Thingo and Hlanga didn't help by
having a baby now. I just feel pressured by him."
Emma: " This is deep and it's not wedding talk.“ we laughed
Me: "I know. We'll talk after you get hitched. Let me do your face." and I did
finishing touches with her makeup. A while later, Tony and her mother came and
it was wedding time. We had fun and the bride and groom seemed really happy.
Nqobani: "White people are so different from us African people."
Me: "Definitely. There's no house music." we laughed
Nqobani: "But it was a beautiful ceremony."
Me: "It was. So are we flying back or should we book into a hotel."
Nqobani: "Let's enjoy Durban." I nodded smiling. I did that a lot around him. After
the wedding reception we went to check into a hotel. We spent the night in
Durban, we went out clubbing and it was so much fun, my man was really fun to
be around when he wasn't dealing with his demons. The next day we flew back to
joburg since we had dinner with his sisters. I have to admit, I was nervous. I had
never gotten that far in a relationship, meeting family members that is and
Nqobani made a big deal out of it.
Me: "I am making a big deal out of this right?"
Nosipho: "From what you told me, no. He takes you meeting his sisters seriously
than so should you."
Me: "What should I wear, Nosi?" I think I was panicked a little "I don't want to
come across as extra." she laughed at me
Nosipho: "Just go with that polka dot pleated skirt that I sent you last month."
Me: "Yes! Yes! And it will go well with sleeveless turtleneck top." she nodded
smiling "Thank you thank you!" next thing her boyfriend showed his face on the
screen "Hey Blake." he was one fine British man.
Blake: "Hey Gugu."
Nosipho: "He is here to pick me up so we can go courier your dress." my
graduation dress that is
Me: "Yay! You two are coming to my graduation right?"
Nosipho: "Of course I wouldn't miss it for the world and it seems as though it's
the only one will be going to because the twins are not interested."
Me: "Alime is working on fixing things with Ntombi's father plus Beverley is giving
birth next month and Lakhe just doesn't care."
Nosipho: "Weeeeh! Khaya's life should be on Telemundo." I laughed so hard.
Me: "You know I expected such drama from Masilakhe, instead he's the one in a
stable relationship." we were both laughing at this point
Nosipho: "Joooh I really can't wait to see you guys now. Hlehle I really need to go
now, Blake is very impatient."
Me: "Okay babe, I'll update you about the dinner."
Nosipho: "Of course you will. Bye now I love you so so much and give KingMaker a
hug for me." she blew me a kiss
Me: "Before you go Nosi, so what am I going to do about Lucy?"
Nosipho: "Hlehle the thing with rape victims is, they don't trust easily. A lot of
walls have been built in order to protect the little that's left. So you just have to
try and bring yourself down to her level and make her feel safe around you, other
than giving her things." but she needs clothes and food
Me: "Okay, I'll figure something out. Bye now and I love you too much." We hung
up and I went to get my king ready.
Sbonga: "We are going to dress the same mama."
Me: "I don't want to wear jeans Sbonga." This little guy didn't understand that
today was about making an impression. I had laid out a denim dungaree with a
white top and All Stars for him.
Sbonga: "Mama you hurt my feelings." Hayi hayi! Sbonga's school was teaching
them to be vocal and expressive and it was becoming a problem because Sbonga
is hurt by anything that doesn't go his way.
Me: "I didn't say anything that might hurt my king."
Sbonga: "Mama you don't want to match with me. The King doesn't want to go
anymore ." And he left his room with just his briefs. I was left shocked, since when
was Sbonga manipulative? What happened to my cute little boy? As I was lost
Nqobani called
Me: "Major." he chuckled
Nqobani: "You will pay for that. I am leaving my place now."
Me: "We have a problem, The King is hurt because I don't want to match outfits
with him." he laughed
Nqobani: "He is not The King by mistake." he was still laughing and I was so bored.
"Just match with my son Gugulethu! You know what I will also match with you.
What are you wearing?"
Me: "He was supposed to wear a dungaree and I wasn't planning on matching
with him."
Nqobani: "Well you are now. I will go change my top to a denim shirt. I'll see you
soon." And he hung up. It seemed like I didn't have a choice but to go denim
myself. Just putting it out there, Nqobani spoiled Sbonga. I went to my room and I
took out a blue denim pinafore dress with a white striped long sleeve top and
black ankle boots. I did minimal makeup and fixed my Kim K boob and I was good
to go. I took Sbonga's clothes to the sitting room and he was watching TV naked
as he was
Me: "I am leaving you." he jumped from the couch
Sbonga: "MaMnguni we are matching." he seemed happy
Me: "Mxm!" Eventually Nqobani came and he drove us to Soweto while him and
Sbonga sang along to Nasty C, my boys were really getting along and it warmed
my heart. Sometimes they even forgot about me whenever they were playing
video games or playing soccer. The closer we got to his place the more nervous I
got. What if the sisters don't like me? Does it matter, do I even care? I think I did.
Sbonga: "Papa this is your house?" and the questions started.
Nqobani: "It's my home."
Sbonga: "The other home, you have two homes?"
Nqobani: "That's my house."
Sbonga: "Who lives here?" Sbonga and his endless questions.
Me: "This will never end." we got out the car and I went to fetch the wine, snacks
and dessert I bought. I was raised to never show up at someone's doorstep empty
handed. We walked to the house and I was met by Nolwazi and two other ladies
who were already judging me by the looks on their faces.
Nqobani: "Ladies this is my woman Hlelo Gumede and her son Sbonga."
Lady1: "What's Sbonga's surname?" what?
Sbonga: "Gumede"
Lady1: "..." she looked at me from head to toe.
Nqobani: "Cebolihle what was that question for?" it was really unnecessary
Nolwazi: "It's good to see you again." she gave me a hug
Me: "Likewise. I keep showing up at your salon and you are never there."
Nolwazi: "We might be relocating soon so I am busy with that."
Me: "That's great."
Nqobani: "Enough hair talk. Can we sit down please." we giggled, we moved to
the living room. I have to say that house was amazing inside and out. Nolwazi,
Nqobani and I were the only ones conversing. Cebolihle and Sne were busy
laughing with their phones. If I didn't know better I'd say they were talking about
me. Sbonga was long gone and playing with Nqobani's niece. Then food time
came
Me: "Do you need any help?"
Sne: " Cha Siright (No we are fine)!" she said it with so much attitude. They all
went to the kitchen and Nqobani's phone rang after that, he also left to answer it.
I don't know, I felt uncomfortable and unwelcomed because even the
conversation with Nolwazi seemed forced, it was boring small talk nje. I stood up
because I was really thirsty for water and not wine. When I got to the kitchen the
conversation and laughing stopped
Me: "Can I please have a glass of water?"
Cebolihle: "I will get it for you." I nodded "So tell me where's is Sbonga's father?
And why is he calling my brother papa. Please please ntombazanyana don't come
here and complicate things for Nqobani. He is not his father!" so this is what the
hostility was about?
Sne: "My brother has been through a lot, please don't subject him to your baby
daddy drama." wow!
Me: "..." I didn't know what to say. What do you say in this situation? Of I knew
Nqobani wasn't Sbonga's father "Okay." I didn't even want water anymore, I just
wanted to leave
Sne: "Playing happy family and matching outfits at my brother's expense." I
wasn't with Nqobani for his money either.
Cebo: "Where is his father, is he even supporting him or Nqobani's money is?" I
was ready to cry. Why were they ganging up on me like that? They didn't even try
to get to know me, they jump straight to conclusions.
Nqobani: "Look at my girls getting along. It warms my heart ngempela." I really
wanted to go but Nqobani really wanted us to meet and he seemed genuinely
happy. I didn't want to disappoint him so I pushed back the tears and cleared my
throat.
Me: "We really are, Cebo and Sne have been very accommodating and Nolwazi as
well." they faked laughed
Cebo: "It's really nice to have Hlelo and her son here bhuti." her son, I guess she
was right. Anyway we had dinner and it wasn't the greatest food. I cooked better
and I am tooting my own horn. After dinner I washed the dishes, I didn't want to
give them ammunition by making them think I was lazy.
Nqobani: "Do you mind if we sleepover. I am lazy to drive." Oh hell no!!
Me: "I haven't taken my insulin today, we have to go." that was the truth.
Nqobani: "Okay but we going back to my place." and he suggested I kept some in
his fridge
Me: "Magic word." he chuckled
Nqobani: "Please. Can you and Sbonga spend the night?"
Me: "Okay." after cleaning up the kitchen we got ready to leave
Nolwazi: "Thanks for coming, it was really nice to meet you."
Sne: "Time flies when you having fun hay." we faked laughed
Me: "It really does."
Nqobani: "Don't worry little one, she's not going anywhere." he looked at me
smiling and I didn't have a choice but to smile as well "We love each other and we
are serious."
Cebo: "mmm!" they didn't like that and honestly I was also not hyped up about
spending time with them. We were faking it so much, how did Nqobani not catch
on that.
Me: "Bye guys." I was already carrying sleepy Sbonga
Nqobani: "I'll see you guys tomorrow before my flight." what flight, where was he
going?
Them: "Okay bhuti." we left. I was going to wait for him to tell me about his flight
Nqobani: "I am leaving the country tomorrow for work but I'll be back by the end
of the week."
Me: "Work, which work?"
Nqobani: "Army."
Me: "Okay."
Nqobani: "Are you okay, you've been quiet since dinner and I know you. You
always have something to say."
Me: "Long weekend that's all. I just want to sleep."
Nqobani: "I had other plans in mind." he started brushing my thigh. I looked at
him "Maybe start practicing making a baby." he laughed at his own joke.
Me: "Baby we spoke about the baby thing and I am tired. I just want to sleep."
Nqobani: "You can't just say you not ready for a baby without an explanation. And
you wanting to have another baby after marriage is not a explanation, it's an
excuse because you know marriage is a big step and we are not there yet." I
wasn't ready for another child for so many reasons and he was right it was too
soon for us to talk marriage. I didn't get why he was rushing this so much, our
relationship was progressing just fine.
Me: "..." I was really tired and also a bit hurt by the way his sisters treated me and
my son so I was over this conversation. Thank God he was leaving the next day, I
needed time to be alone. "I don't think you and I should be talking about a baby
or marriage when you have issues you haven't addressed. You have been
procrastinating for months now and frankly I am starting do doubt that you want
to get better."
Nqobani: "I have been fine for years. I was coping, you are the one who suggested
therapy, not me. Had I gone I was going to be doing it for you." I just looked at
him "I don't need therapy, who doesn't get nightmares?"
Me: "The difference here is you woke up strangling me Nqobani. Or have you
forgotten about that? Nqobani you are getting worse and drinking more." I was
getting worked up "You may have been coping but that doesn't mean you've
healed and therapy was going to help you with that. I didn't want to change you
or make you feel some type of way. I only wanted to help take the weight of your
shoulders. I am not trained to deal with helping you get over your father beating
you or your family's horrific death. I can only support you through the process and
baby I will, I am not going anywhere." he was really scared. It was in the way he
was when we spoke about this.
Nqobani: "I am leaving tomorrow MaGumede and I don't want us to fight." he
always changed the topic when things got heated.
Me: "I don't want that too."
Nqobani: "Let's go to bed." I took his hand and we went to bed. "The reason why I
am pushing the baby thing so much is, I can't help but feel I was robbed of a
chance to show how much of a great father I could be and I want that chance
again Hlelo. I am approaching 40 and I have no legacy." he sighed and he took my
hands "And I want a child with you. Look at how great you did at raising Sbonga
and you did it alone. This time you will have me and I will make sure things are
easy for you." this wasn't about me being a single parent
Me: "I don't doubt you as a father Nqobani and you have been great with Sbonga
as well. I am just not there, my career is just starting out and I have goals to
achieve and a baby is not part of those plans right now."
Nqobani: "..." he gave me his back "Goodnight." and switched off the side lamp.
Me: "Goodnight." he didn't like what I said and I was being honest. Nqobani
wanted a baby because he lost his son and I guess he was allowed but has he
dealt with losing him the proper way? The following morning I helped him pack
his suitcase and I drove him to sisters and airport. We weren't in a good space and
I hated every minute of it.
Nqobani: "I love you and I will see you when I come back my little man, I won't be
gone for long I promise."
Sbonga: "I love you too. Bring me a cap like yours papa." he was down. "How
many sleeps papa?"
Nqobani: "4 sleeps and papa will be back. Now be a good king to mama."
Sbonga: "Okay." they did their famous handshake and hugged. He was sad, he
really didn't want him to go. He stood up since he was bent down to Sbonga's
level. He looked at me and we hugged.
Me: "I love you."
Nqobani: "Enough to give me a child?"
Me: "Come on Nqobani!!"
Nqobani: "I have a flight to catch." he kissed me on the lips "I love you
MaGumede and just know that there's nothing I wouldn't do for you just to make
you happy." he went to board his flight. Was it me or he was guilt tripping me? So
in order to make him happy I had to have a child I wasn't ready for? Relationships
were so complicated though.
=====
Me: "Hawu, why are you buying a frame with four spaces?" We had just
developed pictures of the three of us for his apartment, he said he wanted
everyone who entered his place to know he has a family.
Nqobani: "Incase there's a new edition in the house." not this again.
Me: "..." I didn't have anything to say anymore. I did say I wasn't ready for
another child plus our relationship was still new, why was he rushing me like this?
"The King needs a coloring book." I left him in that aisle and went to find it.
Nqobani: "So every time the baby topic comes up you'll change the subject?"
Me: "I told you where I am and how I feel about this subject. Now can we drop
it?"
Nqobani: "You are being unfair Gugulethu. How about how I feel and what I
want?"
Me: "Nqobani the problem with what you want is it involves me having a baby I
am not ready for. Can't you want a car or something?"
Nqobani: "Mxm!" peace was a thing of the past now. All we did was fight about
having a baby. Nqobani really wasn't being fair on me.
How did I get here? That's the question I had been asking myself for years now
and I had never seemed to come up with a proper answer. It seemed like I had
been sleep walking most of life, all the dreams I wanted to achieve, well guess
what they're still just that, dreams. I had a dream that one day I'll be the CEO of
my own company and get to travel the world with my husband and kids. Guess
what I haven't even achieved one. I could have gotten the qualification but school
wasn't for me, I could have gotten the husband too because Hlanga, my ex lover,
the one I will never forget Mthethwa and I were that good together but it just
wasn't enough for me, the gangster life that is but now I think I might have played
my cards wrong. Oh listen to me go on and on about the regrets of my failed life, I
go by the name Fundiswa Mbhele born and raise eMlazi. I have a mother, 2 sister
and my late brother. I have always been a person who got whatever she wanted
and I was a determined person so I made sure I did.
Mama: "Haibo Mafundi where's your car?" I had just gotten home after bumping
into my ex at OR Tambo airport and flew in his private jet to Durban. I have to say,
Hlanga had really done well for himself from the private jet to the car he was
driving and the boys that worked for him. Hehe they called him Big boss, so he
was a boss now, he had his own gang?
Me: "It has a problem so I sent it for repairs."
Mama: "As long as you safe. It's good to see you ntombi." the truth was I didn't
have a car, the cars I always come with home were rented or borrowed. Please
don't judge me I had my reasons.
Lungi: "Awusemuhle (you look beautiful), ngyakwaz vele wena(I know you), you
don't disappoint" we laughed, that was my oldest sister Lungile
Me: "Ngibonge dadwethu(thank you sister). I bought you guys nice gift since I was
in Dubai for business." they screamed and my nieces and nephews came in
running to give me hugs.
Sibo: "Woooh dade(sister) show us phela." and I opened my suitcase and gave
everyone their things
Mama: "This dress is nice Mafundi. The stokvel ladies are going to be jealous
when I show up tomorrow" we laughed. I think I was just like my mother when it
came to liking attention and looking good. I looked at them try out their clothes
and they were not from Dubai, I bought them at China City for a reasonable price.
I wasn't proud of the lies I was telling my family but my mother and sisters
sacrificed a lot for me while I was still in Cape Town "obtaining" my qualification. I
just couldn't bring myself to tell them the truth, that I dropped out second
semester of my first year. So for years I had been giving them the impression that
I was working for a big communications company and I held a management
position in Johannesburg.
Me: "Family I am really tired, it's been a long week."
Mama: "Go rest we'll catch up tomorrow." and I went to my room but I couldn't
sleep. I couldn't stop thinking about Hlanga, maybe him and I could try again. I
didn't waste time I took my phone and searched for him on every social media
platform and he wasn't there. I was bothered by the fact that he didn't ask for my
number, I guess he really was still mad at me. To be honest what I did was low
and cold, I wasn't proud of just ghosting on him like that. But we all know the
saying that says you don't leave a gangster and particularly you didn't just leave
Hlangalezwe. After failing with finding him on social media I called my minister of
finance Delani Sokhulu, that creepy old man was too much sometimes. He was so
controlling and to think he was married with a whole wife and kids
Delani: "What did I say about calling me nxa!" he hung up, I guess he was with his
wife. I then put my head on my pillow and dosed off.
=====
Mama: "Haibo Mafundi, emsebenzini(what about work)?" it was Tuesday morning
and I was still in Durban and that was so unlike me but I had a meeting with an old
friend and I was staying in Durban until I get a sit down with Hlanga
Me: "I am working in Durban this week and I have a lunch meeting later."
Mama: "Oh hayi, kulungile(that's good)." she gave me breakfast in bed. My
mother though.
Me: "Ngyabonga mama wam omuhle (thank you my very beautiful mother)." she
blushed
Mama: "I told your father you are in town." I laughed "Yin?"
Me: "You two are still together?" she couldn't look at me. My mother is an
illegitimate second wife. My father had a family before my siblings and I. By the
looks of things their affair was still going strong.
Mama: "Things are complicated yaz Fufu." she didn't need to explain herself to
me. While we were talking my father called and I showed it to her "Answer it and
put it on loud speaker." I did that
Baba: "Fufu." that's how he called me
Me: "Sawubona baba." and we started talking about me not visiting home enough
and not spending time with him enough. So I suggested he spent the weekend
with us so he could see me and he was more than willing.
Mama: "I always invite him and he comes with a story but when you and your
sisters tell him to come, he jumps." she sounded disappointed. After that she took
my dishes and left. I honestly didn't know what to say to my mother because I had
never been in her shoes. After breakfast I cleaned my room and got ready to go
meet up with Sindi. I wore blue high-waisted jeans with an off-shoulder top and
strapped heels and I went to catch a taxi. Neighbors were staring and shocked
that I was catching a taxi and I really didn't need to explain myself to them.
Sindi: "Mafundi, look at you." we hugged "Umglowo ghel (you are glowing girl)!!"
we laughed
Me: "Pregnancy looks good on you." she blushed and I picked up her last born
since her first born was already eating. Sindi though 3 kids and she look old and
tired, we had just entered our 30s. She had left herself go shem "He is grown so
much and uyafana no baba wakhe(he looks like his father)."
Sindi: "Thank you and he really does." we started catching up on the good old
days "It was really fun shem." we high-fived
Me: "You can say that again. Guess who I bumped into last week." she was
waiting for me to tell her "Hlanga Mthethwa, aren't him and Sbu cousins?"
Sindi: "They are but they are not seeing eye to eye at the moment. Hlanga is just
jealous of my man, uyaz nawe izinto zomndeni (you know family politics)." I didn't
care about that
Me: "I need his help MaSindi, I need him to set up a meeting with Hlanga. There's
a lot of things we didn't talk about because of time."
Sindi: "Don't worry I'll make it happen. Phela wena no Hlanga were goals back
then." we laughed and everyone envied us "I am not sure but I think he's
married."
Me: "Huh? That's crazy, he wasn't wearing a ring that day."
Sindi: "I said I wasn't sure but even if he is so what? Sbu has a wife but we are
doing great and raising our kids." sorry I wasn't the sharing type. Oh hell no!
Me: "MaSindi you have to talk to Sbu so we will prove this wife theory true or
not." I don't know but the news if Hlanga having a wife startled me and it got me
on fighter mode. We carried on talking about Sbu's double life. I guess I wasn't
the only one with a double life, who was I kidding I was my father's daughter.
Delani eventually got back to me and he did what he does best when he is
apologizing for ignoring me, deposit money. I called him to say thank you
Delani: "When are coming back Fundiswa, I am horny."
Me: "Delani my grandmother is sick, what do you want me to do?"
Delani: "I'll catch a flight after work and we'll spend the night."
Me: "Okay then book the hotel so I can get settled in."
Delani: "okay." he hung up and I went shopping for a night out. The reference
email to the hotel came and I went to check in. I didn't see the need to go home. I
went to the spa just to prepare for the night. And he eventually came
Delani: "I am divorcing Thola." that was his wife and I hope not for me because I
had other plans
Me: "Delani this was an exchange."
Delani: "I know that, I am not leaving her for you. I am in love with someone else."
I wonder who?
Me: "I think I made a mistake years ago. I think I chased the wrong things." it was
high time I admit that to myself. I mess up really bad with Hlanga. But I was going
to fix it, no matter what!
Delani: "..." I looked at him and he was gone. That's how good my sex game was, I
left grown ass men snoring!
=====
Hlanga: "Mthethwa hello?" his voice was still so intoxicating. Yes Sbu and Sindi
came through for me and gave me his number since he wanted nothing to with
me the day I bumped into yet again at the chesanyama with my dad.
Me: "Hlanga hi, it's me." I hope he still recognize my voice. 18 years is a long time
I know but when the connection is there, it's there
Hlanga: "Hi "it's me" how can I help you?" wow, he was still so extra. I guess some
things don't change.
Me: "It's Fundi, I got your number from your cousin that day at the chesanyama."
Hlanga: "Get to the point Fundi." that's Hlanga for you, he didn't like beating
around the bush. So here goes everything
Me: "Hlanga seeing you that day woke up something in me. And the question you
asked me that day got me thinking. No Hlanga leaving wasn't worth it."
Hlanga: "..." please say something, please say something good Hlanga.
Me: "I want you back Hlanga!" and I meant every word.
Hlanga: "..." I shocked him I know. But he needed to say something, at least make
a sound but breathing sound. And instead he hung up. He needed time to digest
the news and I was going to give him that.

»60«
CONTINUED
NQOBANI
Me: "So I am selling the house today." It was part of me moving on and fully
committing to the new life I was starting with Hlelo and Sbonga. "Keeping it didn't
feel right because it was your house with Njabulo." I was sitting at Mimi and
Njabulo's tombstone. "I would be lying if I said I didn't miss you and the life we
had together with our son." But I had this life now, I had to try and make it work. I
had to move on because they were really gone and they were not coming back,
ever!! "I want you to know that me moving on doesn't mean I have forgotten
about you two. I will always love you but I need to focus on living my life, so I
wont be coming to visit for a while." And I walked away. I left to meet up with a
real estate agent.
Rose: "Mr Mthimkhulu." We shook hands
Me: "It's good to see you again Rose. So let's sign those papers."
Rose: "Are you sure you don't want to rethink about renting it out?"
Me: "No I want to sell. And please no price less than the one I specified."
Rose: "It's very reasonable considering the neighborhood it will sell fast. Now can
you sign here and here." She pointed the dotted lines. "And can I have the house
keys please." And I handed them to her.
Me: "I will wait to hear from you then."
Rose: "Okay. I am showing a house close by so I have to go prepare it. Thank you
and enjoy the rest of your day sir."
Me: "Let me not keep you then. Enjoy your day as well." She took her things and
left. That day I offered to fetch Sbonga from school, I liked it.
Sbonga: "Papa you are late!" I checked my watch and I was 10 minutes late. He
got in the car and he threw is bag in the backseat
Me: "I am sorry King."
Sbonga: "Its okay. May I please have ice cream."
Me: "Okay. Now tell me how was your day?" And it was like I opened a tap. He
started telling me from the minute he entered the school gate.
Sbonga: "And I told Keigen that if he doesn't want to borrow me his crayon then
he's not coming to my party." This little guy, he was showing signs of being a
bully.
Me: "Did he give you the crayon after you told him that?"
Sbonga: "He didn't want to so I took it and he told teacher and teacher said I
should give it back because he was crying." I was laughing silently. I don't know
but part of me found pleasure in the fact that Sbonga was the bully and not the
bullied.
Me: "Teacher is right Sbonga. You shouldn't take other kids' things, especially if
they don't want to."
Sbonga: "I want ice cream papa." Hehe this boy, so he was going to change the
topic just like that.
Me: "We are almost there." We drove past McDonald's and while we were there I
got a call from my woman. "MaGumede."
Hlelo: "Hey babe. Are you guys okay?" She does that when its just Sbonga and I.
Me: "We are fine, even though I think we are dealing with a bully here." She
laughed
Hlelo: "We are, he is so bossy. I was calling to check up on you. Should I bring
anything for dinner?"
Me: "I want a cooked meal." I loved her cooking.
Hlelo: "Yoooh I am so tired but its during the week and we should be eating
proper food." She sighed "Take out a tray of chicken breasts, I'll buy fresh veges
on my way back. Please give Sbonga a bath, thank you!" She hung up. She didn't
even let me come up with an excuse.
Me: "Are you good now?" He nodded, he couldn't even talk with ice cream all
around his mouth. Kids, I thought, they were so innocent. We drove home while
we sang along to the radio. We got home and I took out the tray like I was
instructed. "Sbonga mama said you should bath. You'll play video games later."
Sbonga: "I will bath later papa. Come play with me." The game was already set up
for me.
Me: "One game then bath time."
Sbonga: "Okay." I sat down with him and we played. I heard the sound of heels
"Damn it! Mama is going to be angry, let's go get that bath." I didn't like pissing
off my woman. Hlelo wasn't vocal, she kept quiet and withheld sex and I needed
it. I hadn't seen them in 3 days because she was working overtime. Sbonga and I
ran to the bathroom, I filled the tub with water.
Sbonga: "Can I get in now?" I checked if the water temperature was fine and they
were.
Me: "Yes." And he did "I'll come check up on you in a few minutes."
Sbonga: "Okay. Greet mama for me." I chuckled and left
Me: "There goes my baby!" I sang and she laughed. She was already chopping and
spicing the meat.
Hlelo: "Major Major!" My title bored me to death and she liked it. I went over for
a short kiss "I missed you."
Me: "I missed you too. Thank you for coming."
Hlelo: "I wanted to plus you were threatening me a bit." I laughed because she
was dramatic.
Me: "Haisuka I didn't threaten you." She shrugged her shoulders "So how was
your day?"
Hlelo: "Hectic but I made a breakthrough with the case I was telling you about.
Baby I have to succeed yaz, this could open doors for a permanent job for me."
She was stressing about her interniship coming to an end, she wasn't even in that
long so it was too soon to stress.
Me: "Why are you tiring yourself so much. Baby your father is rich, I am sure you
have a trust fund."
Hlelo: "My father's rich baby, not me. And that trust fund you talking about has
conditions. I am only entitled to it when I have a qualification and at least 3 years
of work experience just to show that my parents didn't waste their money
sending me to school." Wow! Qophelo wasn't messing around. "Even without the
clause or the trust fund for that matter, I would've worked as hard, for Sbonga
and I." She was really determined. Hlelo was the type to bring her work home.
Me: "Your drive and determination is so attractive." And she blushed "I love you."
I really did. Some may have concluded that it was too soon to move on after
Mimi, I don't think so. The truth is I will forever hurt about losing Mimi and
Njabulo. The pain will always be there, I just keep getting stronger at living with it.
Sometimes its hard but that's life.
Hlelo: "I love you too."
Sbonga: "Papa I want to get out!" He shouted
Hlelo: "The King has spoken."
Me: "Let me go deal with him." I kissed her cheek "Hurry with the food woman!!"
Hlelo: "Habe!!" I laughed and I went to take care of Sbonga. After I was done
dressing him in his pyjamas we went to the lounge. I have to say, I was good at
this dad think. I mean Sbonga was fond of me like a son should and he felt like a
son to me. I saw Njabulo in him, in the sense of being so close to his mother. After
a short while dinner was served
Sbonga: "Ngyabonga MaMnguni(Thank you)."
Me: "Ngyabonga MaMnguni." We shared a laugh
Hlelo: "You boys are welcome. I am going to take a quick shower as well and I'll
come join you guys."
Me: "Have dinner with us, we'll take one together" and I played with my
eyebrows. She laughed and I guess she caught on the message.
Hlelo: "Okay." She went to fetch her food and we ate while we watched
something on Disney channel. "You and Sbonga need a haircut baby." She
brushed both our heads
Me: "We'll go on Friday. Sihle is coming to town so I am taking her and Sbonga to
Gold Reef City for the afternoon."
Hlelo: "That's a great idea. To bad I am working til late just to cover for Saturday,
so enjoy."
Me: "Oh we will." After dinner she washed the dishes and we went to take that
shower. "After the wedding, we'll have dinner with my sisters." We were making
plans for the coming weekend. From going to welcome Hlanga and Thingo's baby
to her best friend's wedding.
Hlelo: "I don't know baby, can we have dinner some other time. We are already
committed to a lot of things this weekend." Part of me felt she was avoiding
meeting my sisters. It was the second time she suggested we make it some other
time.
Me: "Hlelo, Cebo and Sihle are hardly in Johannesburg. Since they're here let's
take advantage of that." I looked her, she was uncomfortable. "You have nothing
to worry about my sisters will love you and you are going to be friends."
Hlelo: "Okay then, I will talk to mamaD so she can babysit."
Me: "What? No, you and Sbonga are both meeting my sisters."
Hlelo: "Are you sure?" I nodded "Oh okay."
Me: "I love you Hlelo."
Hlelo: "Where is this going?" I laughed, wow!
Me: "Cant a guy tell his beautiful woman that she's loved?"
Hlelo: "Of course he can but your face says otherwise."
Me: "Okay fine. I want us to revisit the baby topic."
Hlelo: "Baby we spoke about this."
Me: "I know we did. I feel like I ambushed you on our weekend getaway. But the
idea of us having a child has been planted. Let's talk about it." I took her hands "I
love you and I mean it. I am not getting younger MaGumede, I want us to start
our family now. Sbonga needs a sibling or siblings."
Hlelo: "Baby I love you but we are not in the position to have a child. I am not
ready and I told you that the next child I am having is when I am married." Not
this marriage thing again.
Me: "Okay. Goodnight."
Hlelo: "Hawu." I switched off my bedside lamp. I wasn't asleep I couldn't stop
thinking about being a father again. Don't get me wrong I loved Sbonga like he
was my own but I needed a legacy, to have my blood running through its veins. I
got out of bed and I went to the bathroom and I checked Hlelo's cosmetics. I was
looking for birth control pills, so I could throw them away. I was going to have a
child with Hlelo. It was my personal mission.
=====
Me: "I don't believe this!" I put my phone away Hlelo: "Is everything okay?"
Me: "Its perfect. So have you found a dress?" I was called in on a mission in Brazil
and I wasn't interested. I was so over the army.
Hlelo: "I am lazy to go shopping, so I asked Nosi to find me a nice one and just
courier it for me." I nodded "My parents are so excited about my graduation, I am
just so happy that I made them proud especially after the Melisizwe thing."
Me: "You never told me everything just the highlights."
Hlelo: "Highlights really? My life is not soccer wena!" We laughed "I am sure you
picked up on the fact that he took advantage of me. I was young and naive, you
know." I nodded and she started telling me the whole story from the beginning.
The way she was telling it, it made me hate myself a little, as a man I mean. Some
of the shit we put women through were uncalled for and unnecessary. "I knew,
deep I knew that it was unhealthy. A relationship shouldn't hurt, love shouldn't
hurt. The way I was following him and begging him to make time for me, I acted
desperate. I was always stressed out during my time with him, firstly because he
was my teacher and also the fact that he changed on me." She was getting
emotional "I chased him until he flat out told me that him and I never happened.
And that's when I confirmed that I was pregnant, I knew I was. My body was
changing and I hadn't gone on my periods in months."
Me: "So how did your parents handle the situation?"
Hlelo: "My mother figured me out, she was the one who noticed the fact I hadn't
used pads in months. My dad on the other hand is the one who went and bought
home pregnancy tests and forced me to take them. It was so dramatic." She
laughed "It wasn't funny back then. Anyway my parents demanded to know who
was responsible and so I had to come clean. I told the story from the beginning by
the time I got to the end my mother was crying and my father was breathing
heavily and grunting. He was angry more than disappointed. So my parents never
got to be angry and disappointed at me for disrespecting their house like that
because I was deeply broken. They cared more about my wellbeing more than
anything else at that point. So I had to make them proud especially after they had
an extra mouth to feed, a month that was my responsibility."
Me: "And look at you now."
Hlelo: "I am a qualified lawyer and soon going to be the next Gerrie Nel."
Me: "Hehe wena na!" She laughed "I am really sorry for what you went through."
Hlelo: "I wouldn't wish it on anyone, it was the greatest test of my existence but
Sibongakonke." She smiled "The good and the bad, I am grateful because Sbonga
exists. My father could've chosen a better name for my King."
Me: "..." I was just smiling myself. She really loved her son, she was a good
mother. How can I not want a family with her.
Hlelo: "Baby, your phone is ringing." I must have been over thinking. I answered,
it was Thabo
Thabo: "Your car is ready Grootboom, where should I bring it?"
Me: "We are still at the airport." I hung up. All this time we were waiting for
Thabo to bring me a car so we could go visit Thingo. He came and we left. We saw
her and just as I expected, Hlanga was beyond happy. He deserved it and I was
really happy for him. After the visit we left to get ready for the wedding.
Everything about that wedding screamed white, from the music to the way it
looked.
Hlelo: "Baby this is Jacques Ferrera. Blue Blues player and now my brother-in-
law." They laughed
Me: "I never thought this day would come. Me sending off the Blue bulls' 8th
man." We laughed and shook hands "l am pleased to meet you."
Jacques: "Likewise."
Emma: "Thank you for coming papa."
Me: "I wouldn't have missed it." We carried on talking and laughing until we had
to leave.
Me: "Lets enjoy Durban." She had just asked if we were flying back or spending
the night. To Hlelo the life of private jets and hotels was normal, she wasn't fazed
even by my money.
Hlelo: "How about we go out. Sbonga is not here to cramp my style."
Me: "Okay. Call us a cab, I am not driving I am lazy and wena you've been drinking
so no driving for you as well." She nodded and did as told. It was a fun night out.
We had a lot of fun and we were happy but there was still the elephant in the
room for me.
=====
Me: "Mthimkhulu hello."
Caller: "Good day sir. I am Vanessa from the hospital."
Me: "Is everything okay?"
Vanessa: "Yes sir, your friend has finally woken up." What!! JB has woken up "He's
been asking about people coming to visit him and I told him about you since you
signed as his emergency contact."
Me: "I will be there soon." I hung up. Luckily I was in Durban. I flew straight there
after quitting with the UN. Back to JB, since his attack we haven't been able to
notify anyone close to him, the truth was no one knew JB's family. He asked to
keep them hidden for their safety, I was skeptical at first but that was his only
request before working for us.
Mamazi: "Is everything okay?" She was the meeting I was rushing to get back in
Brazil. Hlelo and I weren't seeing eye-to-eye but my sole goal was still the same,
to make her happy. So I asked her mother to help me plan a surprise graduation
party for her, with the hopes that it will change her mind about us having a child.
Me: "A friend of mine just woke up from the coma."
Mamazi: "Those are great news. We are done here anyway. I want to thank you
again for doing this for her." She had glossy eyes. I said a little prayer that she
doesn't start crying. Because I didn't know what to do around crying women. "My
Hlelo was a gift from God. Our family was going through a tough tiem when I
found her and when we did everything fell into place. So don't hurt my daughter
Nqobani, she's all I have. If you are tired of her please bring her back to me."
Wow, this woman. I was really touched and a little pressured. First by her
husband now her
Me: "All I want to do is make her happy Mrs Gumede. You have nothing to worry
about."
Mamazi: "As a parent all you do is worry but if your intentions are good then I will
worry less." She stood and went to the counter. She came back with take away,
juice and fruits "This is for you and your friend. I wish him/her a speedy recovery."
Me: "Thank you."
Mamazi: "You welcome. We'll communicate then about all the party
arrangements."
Me: "I will wait to hear from you and like I said we'll use my club as a venue."
Mamazi: "We'll have to check it out first just to get the feel of the place."
Me: "No problem." We shook hands and I left. I got to the hospital and I went to
his room. "Ekse ndoda, walana manje zishani (why are you here, what
happened)." He chuckled and made a frown. I guess he was still in pain.
JB: "Jooh Grootboom!!! I wasn't even supposed to be there. It was Kyle's turn to
meet the drivers at the boarder. That morning he showed up drunk and high at
warehouse. He wasn't going to make it. So I offered to go. I got there and the
truck drivers were already held at gunpoint and guys were loading off the
merchandise. Next thing I get a bullet, it all happened so fast Grootboom."
Me: "What can you tell me about the cars they were driving, their clothes even
faces and tattoos."
JB: "Like I said it all happened so fast and they were all wearing black with
balaclavas. But I did notice something, the way they spoke. Afrikaans and not just
any Afrikaans, Cape flats."
Me: "Nathan's Afrikaans?" He nodded "Viper?"
JB: "I have no doubt. Now the questions is how did they know about our route?"
Me: "Good question." I looked at him "We have a mole JB. I hope its not you. I
mean you are the new guy and the way you came was uncustomary. And to add
the fact that we don't know anything about you." He pointed a jug of water. I
poured him a glass and he drank up.
JB: "I understand why you'd think I am the mole but I am not crazy to the point
that I say they must put a bullet in me, I almost died Grootboom. No money is
worth me getting a bullet or dying. I haven't gained your trust but I have been
working my ass off Grootboom. I am always the first to sign in at the warehouse
and the last to leave. Whenever there's a problem I come with a solution, like
how Thabo had a problem that day, I came to the rescue and still the guy doesn't
trust me. Maybe I am not fit for this crew, I'll accept that and leave."
Me: "That's not the point I am trying to make JB. But how do you expect us to
trust you JB when we know nothing about you? We couldn't even check up on
your family, I am sure they're worried sick."
JB: "I don't have a family. I lied Grootboom." He couldn't look at me after that. "I
never met my parents, I grew up in an orphanage. So I have always been alone."
Me: "Why did you lie Jabulani?"
JB: "Lying is what I do, how I got by. I am not proud of feeding you lies but I
wanted to fit in and for the crew to take me seriously."
Me: "You didn't have to lie. Your work speaks for you because you deliver and you
know that."
JB: "I am sorry Grootboom."
Me: "You owe the crew an apology and an explanation. Here is something to eat,
I'll see you later. We are going to plan a retaliation as we speak."
JB: "Thank you. Can we strike when I get out of here."
Me: "We'll see, focus on getting better." I looked at him "You not alone JB. In this
crew we are family and family doesn't lie to each other."
Chance: "You are already a criminal there's no need to lie with people who have
your back JB." Him and Hlanga just barged in "What has he lied about?" We
laughed. Chance always had something to say.
Me: "I'll let him tell you, I need to find Ndumiso and Nathan."
Hlanga: "We'll meet up soon and deal with this mess." I nodded and left. JB's story
made me feel bad, yes he lied but I should've pushed him to open up. No wonder
he was overworking himself, it was all in the name of fitting in and being
accepted.
=====
Zoe: "Clive you know how to ghost on a person." I didn't need her drama that day.
Hlelo and I were fighting endlessly and I just needed a time out.
Me: "Zokthula. Its either you are going to sit down and drink with me or you
leave." She pulled a chair and sat next to me "What are you drinking, Moet?"
Zoe: "Yes please." I signalled the waiter and he took her order
Waiter: "Should I put it on your tab boss?" I nodded
Zoe: "So where's that yellow babe of yours."
Me: "She's at home."
Zoe: "So vele you two are together?" I nodded. I wasn't even looking at her. My
main focus was my glass and the tv "So the little boy is hers with someone else?"
Me: "Zokthula my business is mine alone. You have never heard me ask about
your personal life, right?" She nodded "Now stop asking things that don't concern
you and just drink."
Zokthula: "I just don't get it Clive. I proposed having a relationship and you left me
hanging and stopped taking my calls. Next thing you are with her."
Me: "You didn't catch anything from that?"
Zoe: "You didn't give us a chance Clive. Is there something wrong with me?"
Weeeh peace is something I wasn't going to have that day.
Me: "I am not the guy for you Zoe, I am with someone else. Please accept that
and live your life."
Zoe: "Clive I want you." What? "I don't care if you are with someone else. You two
are not married, as far as Home Affairs is concerned you are single. Clive I want
you, I want to be with you no matter what way I have you. We'll keep meeting at
hotels." Next thing she grabbed my face and kissed me. I wish I could say I didn't
enjoy the kiss or that I pushed her away but I'd be lying. We kissed longer than we
should, nxa what am I saying? It wasn't supposed to happen. "I'll take that as a
yes." She smiled.
Me: "I have to go." After catching our breaths
Zoe: "Call me." I left guilty as fuck. After everything Hlelo has done for me. That
was a selfish move from me.
=====
I finally did it, I finally gained the strength and courage to see a psychiatrist. Not a
lot of things scared me but the idea of reliving my traumatic experiences scared
the shit put of me. But I wanted the chance to extend my family name and I
needed Hlelo to see the change since she had been on my case for months.
Dr: "So you also drink alcohol." I nodded "What is your limit?"
Me: "I don't think I have a limit. Most of the time I pass out." I was forced to be
honest here.
Dr: "Would you say you are dependent on alcohol to get through the day."
Me: "I can get through the day without drinking but before I sleep I drink be it
cognac or beer." He wrote something down
Dr: "Have you ever gone a full day without drinking, even before bed?" I shook my
head. "In our first session you mentioned that you grew up with an alcoholic and
abusive father?" I nodded "And you get flashbacks of what you went through at
that time?"
Me: "Yes. I wake up sweating and in a panic."
Dr: "Now tell me you are a grown man and I'd like to think you can reason. How
do you think your father got to the state of being an alcoholic."
Me: "I can't answer specifically but things got worse when he lost his job. By the
time I was 8 years old, things were already bad at home. I remember my mother
had a broken arm at some point." He nodded.
Dr: "Mr Mthimkhulu before we move on forward with our sessions. I need you to
understand that things such as substance abuse have phases and progress. First it
one beer bottle next thing you are at a point of finishing 10. And the problem is
not the number of beer bottles or glasses of cognac you drink but what you dont
want to face, what you dont want to deal with." I nodded "Your father never dealt
with his pain and you have found yourself walking in his footsteps." What? Is this
guy crazy?
Me: "I AM NOTHING LIKE THAT MAN!! I HAVE CONTROL OVER MY LIFE. I HAVE
CONTROL OVER MY EMOTIONS. I WILL NEVER PUT MY HAND ON ANYONE WHO
DOESN'T DESERVE IT."
Dr: "Mr Mthimkhulu, calm ..."
Me: "I AM ANYTHING BUT CALM!"
Dr: "The point I am trying to make is your father didn't wake up one day and said I
will drink alcohol until I don't know my name or I will abuse my wife and child. It
started with small things that you probably didn't notice but your mother did and
didn't push him to seek help like your girlfriend did. Your father had been abusing
alcohol for years ..."
Me: "Maybe this was a bad idea. I thought you were going to help me with my
flashbacks. Instead you told me I am my father's son." I stood "Fuck you!!" I left
his office. I was so bothered. Was it possible that I was slowly becoming my
father? I hope not that son of whatever put my mother and I through hell. I do
not wish that kind of pain on anyone nor do I have it in me to inflict it on people I
claim to love and care about. I drove straight to my club and drank myself to sleep
in the office. I wasn't fine to be around people, the thought that I was becoming
my father got to me.

>>60<<
CONTINUED
PART 2
AZANDE
Me: "I haven't seen you this whole week Nathan!! Where have you been?" My
husband or should I say ex-husband, I didn't know what we were anymore.
Anyway he was MIA for the whole week. He wasn't even answering my phone
calls and texts, I was worried sick about him.
Nathan: "Was there something wrong with Ella and Jay?" I shook my head. "The
baby is fine right?" Everyone was fine but I still wanted to know how he was.
Me: "Yes everything is okay with the baby."
Nathan: "Sonke and Lethu are also fine because we talk on the phone everyday."
He drank his glass of water and I was a bit confused about where was this going
because he wasn't answering my question "Azande we are not together anymore,
you have your life and I have mine." What? That hurt me a little. I loved Nathan,
the only thing that bothered was the fact that he was a gangster. So a big part of
me didn't accept the break-up, to me it was a temporary thing.
Me: "..." I wasn't expecting such a response so I was out of words "My
appointment with Phiwe is at 2pm." It was best to change the topic and talk about
something that excited both of us. I have to say me being pregnant came as a
shocker but it was to be expected, I mean I wasn't on any form of contraception.
Nathan: "I know that's why I am here." After that he went to play with his son
since his daughter was napping. I asked myself as I watched him and Jay push cars
on the carpet, if was this our new life and how long will things stay that way?
Vicky: "Boss lady is everything okay, you are crying?" I wiped my tears. I wasn't
happy with the way things were.
Me: "Call me Azande please!" I left her standing there. I went up to Nathan "Baba
ka Buhle, can we talk?"
Nathan: "Khuluma ngilalele(Talk, I am listening)."
Me: "I am not happy with the way things are. Nathan this situation has me
worried."
Nathan: "Do you see me rejoicing about this? Azande I changed for you and still it
wasn't enough. You want a perfect man, and I was never one. Things are this way
because you are so set in your ways that you do even try to look at things from
someone's perspective."
Me: "Nathan I am trying to accept you but you're just not patient with me." I
started crying
Nathan: "Azande if you really love me, you shouldn't have to try anything
especially at accepting me. That's all I needed from you, acceptance. I know my
life is not normal and I gave you time to adjust and fully understand me but still it
wasn't enough. Azande you claim to love me but your ex-boyfriend says
something about me and you are back to being cold."
Me: "Nathan this is hard for me. I am sorry for bringing Mxolisi back into our
relationship, I am not proud of that."
Nathan: "That's why I set you free. I want you to be happy Azande, but we both
know you'll never be fully happy with me, knowing what I do."
Me: "That's the thing Nathan I am not happy and I am not free."
Nathan: "Azande you are the only one who has the answers to what truly makes
you happy."
Me: "But Nathan all I need ..."
Nathan: "Azande I am here to spend time with my kids, I wasn't here for your
indecisiveness, I have enough to deal with already. Can I do that in peace?"
Me: "Okay." He stood up and went to pour Jay juice. They carried on playing and
laughing
Me: "Nathan, if we are really broken up then we have to adjust a few things. I
won't be able to afford 3/4 of our expenses." The truth is Nathan and his gang
money was paying for everything. My salary was mine and he also topped it up
with a monthly allowance, that I was going to miss dearly.
Nathan: "I'll pay for everything. Anything else?"
Me: "No." I stood up "Please come wake me up when we have to go." He showed
me a thumbs up. I went up to my room, as I entered my room my phone rang. It
was my aunt, she was about to dish some serious family gossip that's for sure.
"Sawubona MaJele(Hello)."
Aunt: "Yebo MaJele unjan(Hello, how are you)?"
Me: "We are good besides the fact that I am pregnant again." She screameed and
it wasn't of excitement
Aunt: "Hayi Hayi Zande!! Nibusy nenza iyngane umshado ungaphelile(You are
busy getting pregnant whereas you not married in full yet)!" Yes until I have left
my father's yard in a kist, I wasn't married in full according to the Zulu tradition.
Me: "It was unplanned aunty."
Aunt: "Kant izindaba zokuhlela zikhonelani Zande, nurse lonke( That's why there
are contraceptives. What type of nurse are you)? It was never going to end.
Me: "Banjan ekhaya, asisanazi (how's everyone at home, it's been a while)?"
Aunty: "We are fine. I was calling to ask about the wedding, my clothes are
getting smaller phela." I laughed. How was I going to tell her that there might not
be a wedding
Me: "We'll see after the baby aunty. Plans have changed."
Aunty: "Don't wait too long Azande. If you keep him waiting for too long,
ostraatmate base Goli bazomthatha futh ngeke ukholwe(Joburg hoes are going to
snatch him and you wont believe it)."
Me: "I'll consider it aunty."
Aunty: "I am talking from experience. Just because he has paid lobola doesn't
mean he is yours." This woman though why was she serving me so much truth?
It's like she knew I was the one holding up this wedding.
Me: "Okay aunty."
Aunty: "I just hope you heard me. Anyway you must bring the kids to visit. Buhle
must know us Azande, she must know we are her family too."
Me: "I will bring them during the holidays, I promise."
Aunty: "Hayi okay. Congratulations on the pregnancy, kodwa nawe hayi!" She
wasn't happy for me, it was in the way she said it. I felt so judged by her, I knew
after her my father wasn't far behind.
Me: "Thank you. We'll talk some other time." I hung up before she started a
different topic.
Nathan: "Wake up Azande, let's get going!" What? I must have dosed off after my
aunt's disappointment call.
Me: "Okay." I got up and I went to go freshen up. The room and bathroom I used
to share with Nathan was half empty now, it only had my stuff. He was really
gone. After I got ready he drove us to the doctor.
Phiwe: "The family is growing." She smiled "I am sure you are over the moon
Pierce."
Nathan: "You have no idea." We shared a laugh. "How's Goddess number 2
doing?" He was was smiling and the sparkle in his blue eyes was everything. Yes
that day was extra special because Phiwe promised to tell us the baby's gender.
Me: "You want another girl?" He nodded
Nathan: "What are you hoping for?" I wanted to give him an heir. Sonia wasn't
going to be the only one to claim that title. I was jealous of her all of a sudden and
I wasn't proud. But I lived with Jay and the way Nathan was with him I wanted it
for our son, he called him his best man or Nathan the second.
Me: "A son."
Phiwe: "Let me spare you from the suspense then." She did her thing "Oh look at
that." She was smiling
Nathan: "What is it?"
Phiwe: "You see that this tiny thing here." I couldn't see anything but I nodded
anyway "Thats the baby's penis."
Me: "It's a boy?"
Phiwe: "Yes you are having a boy, congratulations." I was smiling like a kid
Nathan: "Thank you. You got your wish, are you happy?"
Me: "I am."
Nathan: "Me too. Thank you for this gift Azande." He hugged me
Phiwe: "I'll give guys a moment." She left us alone.
Nathan: "I'll be here with you every step of the way. I know things are different
now but I'll show up for you two" I knew that. Nathan would die for his kids
Me: "Nathan I love you."
Nathan: "Not the way I need to be loved Azande. Azande when you look at me
you don't see Nathan the father of your kids or the man you love. You see my job,
you see my dark side whereas when I look at you, I see you as you are, I see your
strengths, your flaws and insecurities and I accept them because I know no one is
perfect." He wiped my tears while we stared in each others eyes "I may put on a
brave face but Azande I am dying inside. I have never known a life of settling and I
am not going to start now with you not accepting that I am who I am."
Me: "I just need time Nathan, baby please be patient with me."
Nathan: "Azande I don't have time. Life is too short for me to be sitting and
waiting around for you. I waited Azande and the result was the same. You and I
will always be a family but we lead separate lives now."
Me: "..." my heart couldn't accept Nathan being a gangster or the fact him and I
will always be at odds when it came to that. Phiwe came back and she gave us the
sonogram and my prescription and we left. We drove past the shopping center for
healthy food. With this pregnancy I was going to discipline myself and control my
cravings.
Nathan: "I'll come pick the kids up later today, we are flying to KZN."
Me: "Okay, ill pack their bags." We hugged and he left. My life was a mess, how
do I even start fixing it? At a time like that it was best to call my free therapists, by
therapists I meant my girlfriends. I decided to open a whatsapp group chat. I
didn't say much all I said was they should come over for a sleepover since uBaba
wezingane zam and izingane zam where leaving me for the weekend. Next thing
Bongi called
Me: "Mnganami."
Bongi: "Mrs Pierce, haibo oe is everything okay?"
Me: "Uyaphela umuzi wam Bongiwe, ngi lost(my marriage is falling apart and I am
so lost)"
Bongi: "I am sure its not that bad Zande. We'll come by tomorrow and we'll figure
it out. Don't cry."
Me: "I can't help myself Bongiwe I am pregnant and it seems like Nathan is living
his own life now, without me." I mean I wasn't even invited to join them when
they go to Durban.
Bongi: "Hold on until ksasa sisi. I'll be there with you alcohol free wine and we'll
dissect this problem."
Me: "Okay. Thank you mnganam"
Bongi: "No problem. Rest and I'll see you tomorrow."
Me: "Okay." We hung up and I went to pack all bags and they left. I was all alone
in that mansion, I cried myself to sleep that day.
=====
Ziyanda: "What do you mean you two broke up?"
Hope: "Zande tell us the full story please." I couldn't tell them that Nathan was a
criminal so I needed a cover up story.
Me: "Guys I can't tell you everything about my husband."
Them: "Of course."
Me: "So I'll just make up a scenario, let's say Nathan owns a lot of bootleg jeans."
Bongi: "Azande you hate bootleg jeans, since varsity."
Sanda: "They are one of your deal breakers" We laughed
Me: "Exactly! Nathan owns them and he loves them and he is not willing to
changed that about himself. He tried to not wear them around me but at the end
of the day it didn't change that he is a man who owns bootleg jeans." They were
cracking up so much and I know the scenario was not ideal but it was the best I
could do.
Ziyanda: "So you broke up with a millionaire just because he owns bootleg
jeans?"
Me: "No he broke up with me because he was tired of tiptoeing around me and I
understand hay it wasn't fair. I love Nathan guys, he's uBaba wezingane zam but I
can't get over him owning bootleg jeans."
Sanda: "Then you don't love him enough Azande."
Bongi: "I am sorry but Sisanda is right. Azande when you truly love someone and I
am not talking about puppy love, I mean real, intimate love, there is nothing you
wouldn't do or accept about them" she drank her glass of wine "Take me for
example, Loy has been cheating for God knows how long because he was
disappointed about not getting a son. I love Loyiso, my heart beats for him so
after such betrayal I sat him down and we spoke like matured adults. By the end
of that conversation he was down on his knees begging for forgiveness because
he had seen the errors of his ways. The point I am trying to make Azande is when
you love someone, giving up on them is the last thing on your mind no matter
how much they've hurt you or whatever baggage they come with. You also need
to remember that no is perfect and life is moving on. Today he might own bootleg
jeans but what if he wakes up tomorrow or next year and he is over them and by
that time he is in someone else's arms?" Nathan wouldn't get over me that quick,
would he?
Sanda: "Big sis I love you but you need to let go of those standards of yours or you
will lose out on the best things in life." She sighed "Stanley was a drug mule when
we met in varsity?"
Us: "What?"
Sanda: "I know, not the highlight of my life with him but yes he was a criminal. I
judged him for a long time until he finally opened up to me. That drug money was
paying for his tuition, his 3 sisters school fees and also feeding his family. And I am
not talking about a family of 5 people but 15 family members." We were all so
shocked "My man sold his soul for his family and future. I learnt a lot from my life
with him, I learnt more about myself even but I stayed through all that mess
because Stanley is the rib of my rib and my life would've been incomplete without
him. My point is he wont own bootleg jeans forever or he might but is him gone
worth getting worked up over whatever bootleg jeans actually mean?" Now that
was the question. I wanted law abiding citizen Nathan but the truth is he didn't
exist, there never was one. I wish he had told me sooner, before Durban, before I
fell hard for him.
Ziyanda: "I am no expert on love but all I know is your partner shouldn't have to
make himself small or become something they are not just so you'd accept them.
Its either you accept them or you don't, with their bootleg jeans owning self."
That's what Nathan said, the poor guy even asked his family to help me see
reason just so I could accept him. After everything they've said I pondered upon
the words, I dont love him enough. I felt I did, I gave Nathan a home and kids
what more should I do to prove my love, just to take the fact that he kills as a
hobby?
Me: "I am trying to accept him guys, this is hard on me." Everyone failed to see
that part
Bongi: "So tell me mnganam, can't you compromise for the sake of making your
marriage work?" I didn't see the possibility of compromising in the situation
Nathan and I were in, so I shrugged my shoulders "My mother always says
"Compromise is the work of mature people." I guess I wasn't mature enough. I
was over the conversation because they weren't giving me solutions. All I kept on
hearing was if I couldn't accept Nathan with his baggage then what I felt wasn't
really love.
Me: "..." I had nothing to say anymore "So any gossip?"
Ziyanda: "I still don't believe you let go of that fine millionaire. You do not know
what you want Azande yaz, mxm!!" She even had a frown. She didn't understand
what I was going through, no one did. Maybe it was time I let things go and accept
that I was single again because things between Nathan and I weren't going to get
better, I just didn't see how.
======
Me: "Sonia what can I do for you?" It was a shocker. This woman has never set
foot at my house
Sonia: "Hello ex-Mrs Pierce." What? She said with the biggest grin on her face
"Oooops, I shouldn't have said that." She giggled. So Sonia was finding pleasure
from my pain. I don't believe Nathan so he went and told Sonia about our
problems, Sonia out of all people. Since when were they friends?
Me: "..." I just left her standing by the door and she followed me
Sonia: "I am here to fetch Jay, I am off today and tomorrow so Nathan suggested
we meet him in Durban."
Me: "Nathan didn't say anything to me. Let me call him."
Sonia: "Be my guest." She sat comfortably on the couch. I called him
Nathan: "Mama wezingane zam." I giggle, it will never get old.
Me: "Hey. Sonia is here for Jay."
Nathan: "Yes! I am sorry for not telling you."
Me: "It's fine." I hung up. After that call I felt down and my spirit was broken "I'll
go pack his bag."
Sonia: "Don't worry, daddy will buy him new things that side."
Me: "Okay." I called Vicky and she got him into a clean outfit. He looked like his
father but add curly hair.
Jay: "Bye sisi." He came to hug me
Me: "By big boy. Call me okay?"
Jay: "Okay."
Sonia: "Nathan we using the jet right? .... okay love. We leaving the house now,
see you soon." She hung up and looked at me smiling "Caio boo." They walked out
the door.
Vicky: "Don't let her get to you. She wants to be you that's what this is about."
Me: "What are you talking about?" I pretended to be confused.
Vicky: "Boss Lady I am not dumb. You and Nathan are having problems and by the
way Sonia was behaving, she is feeding off it. Dont let her win."
Me: "Vicky I am just emotionally exhausted. I don't have any fight left in me. If
Nathan wants to be with Sonia, it's going to happen. I don't have a say in his life
anymore." I went to the kitchen to make myself a fruit salad. I decided to go dress
up and go to the mall, I needed a makeover. From clothes to hairstyle. I started at
the salon and I cut my hair brush style. I didn't need the stress of hair on top of
my complicated life. I decided to also change my wardrobe. I was buying
jumpsuits and dresses mostly. I suddenly craved a latte with all the shopping I was
doing. I have to say retail therapy was just what I needed to lift up spirit. I even
bought a few things for my baby boy. I decided to send Nathan a picture. He
called immediately
Me: "Hey."
Nathan: "I love the sailor's outfit." I giggled
Me: "Me too. The excitement of being pregnant has finally kicked in."
Nathan: "I wish things were different. I wish I was good enough for you."
Me: "It's not that you are not good enough Nathan, its just that some of your
choices, well I just don't agree with them."
Nathan: "I get it."
Me: "I wish things were different too. I'd do anything to be with you right now."
Nathan: "I am sure you would."
Me: "Nathan is there something going on between you and Sonia." He coughed. "I
am asking because even though things are like this, I still love you and I'd feel
betrayed by you if you went back to her."
Nathan: "Nothing is going on Azande."
Me: "Okay. I have to go."
Nathan: "Okay kiss Buhle for me."
Me: "Will do." We hung up and I carried on shopping for my all my kids. "WATCH
IT!!" some loser just bumped me and I spilt my latte.
Voice: "I am so sorry mam." I knew that voice. I turned "Azande!!"
Me: "Mxolisi." Yes, out of all people in the world, him.
Mxolisi: "Well good seeing you." He walked away. Oh wow so he was going to
leave just like that nje?
Me: "We broke up." Turned and looked at me
Mxolisi: "Well good for you." I don't know but I expect more, a speech and a
round of applause for having a conscious. "I really have to go now."
Me: "What are you doing here anyway?" As he was about to answer Zola showed
up with the ugliest baby, joking. She was a chubby and cute thing.
Zola: "Mxo please deal with her, the wedding planner is waiting for me." My eyes
popped. She gave Mxolisi the baby "Oh hey Azande."
Me: "Hey Zola."
Zola: "Its good to see you. I hope he invited you to our wedding." She came to hug
me. Mxolisi was silent this whole time.
Me: "I am sure he was about to." I smiled, obviously it was fake.
Zola: "Well you are invited. I really have to go." She kissed her people and left.
Me: "So you and Zola are tying the knot?" I laughed sarcastically
"congratulations."
Mxolisi: "Yes next month and thank you."
Me: "So you took her back after everything she put you through?"
Mxolisi: "Yes I did. No one is perfect Azande." What? Was he kidding me?
Me: "Mxolisi you are the last person to say that, not after you judged me for
being with Nathan." He laughed
Mxolisi: "I admit, I was too quick to judge. I also admit I was bitter a back then."
Was I hearing correctly? "The thing with you Azande is you leave close to no room
for disappointment or failure. I begged you for months to forgive me, I followed
you everywhere just so you could give me another chance. It was my first big fuck
up and I am not proud of how I treated you especially after your mother dying."
Mxolisi was something else "Zola came to me and asked for another chance to
prove herself, to write a wrong and you know what?" I just looked at him "I took
your advice and I got over you and I let go of the guilt and gave in. I have never
been this happy, I am a father and soon to be the best husband I could. Zola and I
share something, we share the understanding that we are both human and we
will make mistakes and it is up to us to help each other find the right path again."
Me: "..."
Mxolisi: "I have to go, she is getting irritable, she hates crowds." He took one last
look at me "I hope you didn't leave Nathan just to make me happy because that
will be dumb. If he makes you happy then be with your murderer and be proud.
Who am I to take that away from you?" He left me standing there lost and tongue
tied. What was I thinking listening to that idiot in the first place? What he said
that day was a contradiction of what he came to the hospital for. I had never felt
so small in my life. I felt I was played somehow.

»61«
NATHAN
It was Ouma's birthday and you know the family went all out on that day but that
year nothing happened. I had even flew to Durban with the kids that weekend
just so they could experience the love and togetherness. I got to Quinton's house
and everything was normal. It didn't look like they were preparing a feast. It was
just the two of them, I sometimes asked myself if Layla was the only child they
were ever going to have? Thank God for grandkids because these people would
be bored to death of each other.
Lisa: "Oh my we weren't expecting you." She took Ella from me "Come to gogo
Lisa my angel. She has grown so much." Ella was busy studying Lisa's face.
Me: "I know." I was still on the fact that they didn't plan anything, the gogos
always did. Que came down in a chilled outfit, shots and a vest. He was old now,
white hair and wrinkles.
Que: "First born."
Me: "Old timer." He picked Jay up
Que: "What brings you here, is there a problem?"
Me: "No, and since when do I need a reason to come home?"
Lisa: "Nathan you never visits unless you want something or we have summoned
you. And where is Azande?" I hadn't told them about our break up. I was still
finding it hard to accept it myself
Me: "She's pregnant again so I don't want her travelling too much." They laughed
and Lisa came to hug me
Lisa: "Congratulations, those are great news. You are really your own man now."
Me: "Thank you and yes I am." We carried on talking about how far we've come.
From me giving Lisa and Que problems when I was in high school. Yes I lived with
them after Ouma passed away.
Que: "You have done well, I was worried about you."
Me: "At some point I was worried about myself too but I made it here. I'll be 42
years old can you believe that?"
Que: "But to me you'll always be the scared young boy in that jail cell." We have
never gotten this deep "The boy who was in over his head." I was so lost and all
alone and this man sat with me the whole night in that cell and told me what was
ahead. It was all scary stuff. I wasn't going to survive jail back then.
Me: "I don't think I'll ever thank you guys enough." I was a nobody to them. I
didn't even know them but they put their lives on the line to save me.
Que: "You have by exceeding our expectations. Even though I am still mad at you
for quitting medical school but I am a proud father nonetheless." It warmed my
heart to hear him say that, especially after him and his brothers were angry at me
for months for dropping out. It wasn't for me, this life has always been my fate
from how got into it, to also how I met them.
Lisa: "I'll have Ethel fix some snacks for you. Sonke is busy telling me about her
drama at school." I laughed "How old is she again?"
Me: "She's turning 11 soon." We laughed
Lisa: "I need to change the little goddess." She took her bag "Should I prepare the
spare bedrooms?"
Me: "Yes please but I'll go drop Lethu at Mnqobi's house. He wants Baya and
Mcebo."
Que: "Let's go then." We left Lisa with Sonke and Ella and took Jay and Lethu.
Mpume: "Hayi hayi first born uphi ubaby girl?" These people didn't care about me
anymore. They wanted my kids.
Me: "With gogo Lisa."
Mnqobi: "What brings you here, is there a problem?" I laughed, another one who
thought I only came to them when I had a problem
Me: "No problem, it's was Ouma's birthday on Wednesday so I thought we'll
celebrate, have a feast on her behalf."
Mpume: "Oh nkosi yam(oh my God) Nathan we totally forgot. Things are hectic at
the center, we under audit as we speak. We'll make it up to you." She really felt
bad and she didn't need to.
Me: "I understand, it's no problem really."
Mpume: "It's a problem and I'll fix I promise." She brushed my shoulder "Bab'
Sizwe can I get you guys anything?"
Me: "Do you have sparkling water?" She nodded "I'll have the whole bottle
please."
Que: "I'll have a glass of Mnqobi's most expensive whiskey."
Mnqobi: "Make it two glasses MaNzuza."
Mpume: "Okay." She left us. While we were busy talking the triplets followed by
their father entered
Malo: "First one." We fist bumped
Me: "Sure mfana."
Ndalo: "We are about to go hit some golf balls you game?"
Que: "Let's go and I'll sure you how its done."
Malo: "How much bab' Que."
Qophelo: "That's all you know, money!"
Mnqobi: "Money he doesn't even have." We laughed.
Me: "Let's make it easy for you 1k"
Ndalo: "You so cheap but it's cool, let's do this."
Simo: "I have boxing match tomorrow evening and I am expecting all of you to bet
on me."
Me: "You know we will." It was fun being around these young boys. Qophelo
started telling us how much of a good boxer he was.
Qophelo: "Don't tell him I said this but he could go pro."
Que: "Then why not support him because he seems to like it."
Mnqobi: "He needs to have a back up plan first and that's school. There are too
many risks in athletics." They were right but Simo wasn't interested in getting a
qualification
Me: "I'd speak to the guy but I am no role model you know."
Qophelo: "You can also say you regret not getting one." I laughed
Me: "But I don't and we do not lie in this family."
Qophelo: "Mxm!"
Me: "But I'll talk to him don't worry." We loaded the all golf bags and left.
Qophelo and Mnqobi lived on a golf estate and Qophelo owned it. Que lived in a
private estate together with Lungelo and Siya but they were not neighbors like
the twins. We had a fun day on the course. Golf was such a relaxing sport.
Ntando: "So you come home and you don't even come greet your.mother?" She
was so big on discipline.
Me: "Ngyaxolisa mamazi."
Ntando: "Mxm! Watch your sister while I go fetch your food from the car." I took
Qhawekazi from her and she left. She came back followed by the rest of the gogos
and the missing brothers. We ended up owning the golf clubhouse and having a
braai with music and all, it was a good weekend all in all. I guess I'd saybwe did
celebrate Ouma's birthday.
======
Sonia: "That was amazing." She pecked my lips. We just finished doing filthy
things to each other.
Me: "It was, sometimes I forget how energetic you are." She giggled and just
looked at me.
Sonia: "Nathan I want my kids back."
Me: "You have a job now and I am sure you can afford a good lawyer."
Sonia: "I know, Shaun has a lot of money and ..." she sat properly "He asked me to
do something for him and he'll let me back in their lives."
Me: "Shaun has always been an asshole. What does he want?"
Sonia: "Nothing important in fact let's forget about him. So what are we doing
here?" And my mood went from a 100 to 0 real quick! "Is it like back then or there
is something?"
Me: "Sonia look..."
Sonia: "Hear me out Nathan. We've always had chemistry from the first we met in
Shaun's office. We couldn't take eyes of each other." I chuckled it was true "I
know I did you bad by keeping Jay from you and that is a mistake I'll live with for
the rest of my life, I am sorry for being so selfish."
Me: "I guess I have also forgiven you, I mean look at where we are." We were in
her bed while our son slept in the next room.
Sonia: "Nathan we are both single and available, I think there's a reason for that."
Me: "Sonia I am not ready for a relationship. I am not over my wif... I mean my ex
wife. I actually want to fix things, I want things to workout between Azande and
I." She was disappointed and it the truth "I hope you don't feel used or anything
because we both wanted this."
Sonia: "No its fine, I understand." She got out of bed and went to the bathroom
and locked it. I went to put an ear on the door and I heard loud sobs. I went back
to bed and tried to sleep. After a while she came back "I think I should leave."
Sonia: "And go where in the middle of the night, don't be silly stay. I shouldn't
have said anything, forget I said it."
Me: "Sonia I don't want to lie to you just to make you feel better."
Sonia: "I appreciate your honesty Nathan. You've always been a blunt son of a
bitch anyway." She pulled the blanket and covered herself. I got out of bed and
went to sleep with Jay.
Jay: "Dink daddy, dink daddy" he pushed his sippy cup in my mouth. I didn't have
a choice but to sip "nice." It must have been morning if he was up.
Me: "It's very nice. Morning buddy." I woke up
Jay: "Morning daddy." and seached for my phone and I remembered that I left it
in Sonia's room. I got out and went to fetch it and it wasnt there. I went to the
kitchen
Me: "Have you seen my phone?" She jumped
Sonia: "Sure. Jay was playing with it so I took it."
Me: "Jay what did I say about daddy's phone?"
Jay: "Not a toy."
Me: "Then why did you play with it?"
Jay: "No daddy, mommy play the phone." I looked at Sonia. She laughed
Sonia: "So you lie now Jay?" She looked at me "He's growing up to be a liar
Nathan I am scared."
Me: "Its harmless. I have to go, I'll see you guys tomorrow." I hugged Jay and I
looked at his mother "Things don't have to be like this Sonia, we can have what
we have and see where it leads."
Sonia: "Fine. I won't be holding my breath though."
Me: "The ball is on your court." I left. I was done with commitment, I didn't want
to prove myself to anyone anymore. Having to prove myself to Azande exhausted
me. I drove back home and I took a shower and changed and I went to catch a
flight to Durban. Ndumiso called me in a panic.
Me: "I am here, what is the problem, who do I have to kill?"
Ndu: "No one, for now." While he was talking something on his screen caught my
eye. "Yin, why do have that face?"
Me: "I don't know, the surname Shoba is so familiar."
Ndu: "Nathan you need to know. This guy is giving me sleepless nights." I laughed
and he had a serious face and he was chewing that match stick like his life
depended on it. Ndumiso will forever be a kasi boy together with his boy Sizwe. It
didn't matter how much money they have. Because they were the guys who wore
Dickies pants, All Stars and bucket hats or sometimes a folded binnie.
Me: "What's up kanti?"
Ndu: "He is the guy Musa is seeing."
Me: "What the fuck?"
Ndu: "I know. So where do you know him from?"
Me: "I honestly don't remember. What have you managed to find on him?" I took
his laptop and read everything he has
Ndu: "There's nothing much on the guy. He's a property developer."
Me: "Yes! Yes now I remember, he developed all the sites that Shaun Brooks's
construction company builds in."
Ndu: "Shaun as in Sonia's husband?" I nodded "Nathan I don't like this, what if
this is a set up?"
Me: "I don't see the link Ndu."
Ndu: "I told you that sleeping with our clients wives will catch up with you. And
you went and showed off and had a kid with Sonia. Kelvin and Shaun are working
together to take us down."
Me: "I still don't see the link. Why Omuhle, why not Azande?"
Ndu: "Nathan to take you down they first have to cripple you. Your partners first
and I am first on that list." He was starting to make sense. "Omuhle and another
man is making me losing focus so best believe they're winning."
Me: "Let's get ahead of this before it gets out of hand. Not a word to anyone, they
already have to deal with Viper's drama we cant add this as well. We'll handle this
ourselves."
Ndu: "Okay. Let's take Kelvin out of the equation."
Me: "After we have questioned him, lets not get ahead of ourselves."
Ndu: "I know whats at stake."
Me: "Good. If Shaun is coming for me then he has another thing coming." The
more our empire grew the more problems we had. But this wasn't going to be
one of them. Sthemby once said life of being a gangster meant you didn't know
peace, I was starting to agree with that statement.
======
Me: "Ziyanda what are you doing here, Azande is at work?" Didn't Azande tell her
friends when to pop by? And she came wearing the most revealing dress on earth.
She was one friend I didn't trust amongst Azande's friends, and my instincts had
never been wrong. I was a good judge of character.
Ziyanda: "I know, I know. I am really sorry for dropping by unannounced I left my
sunnies here and I need them, they're Versace you know." I faked a chuckle.
Me: "Make it quick, I am on my way out."
Ziyanda: "Okay can I get a lift if you don't mind."
Me: "Sure." She went to the kitchen and came back "You found them?" She
nodded
Ziyanda: "We can go now." We got into my car and I drove out "I heard about
your break up with Zande. I am really sorry."
Me: "It is what it is." I didn't want to talk about it "Where am I dropping you off?"
Ziyanda: "My place, you still remember it right?" I nodded "I am single in case you
were wondering."
Me: "I wasn't."
Ziyanda: "Nathan Azande doesn't know what she wants. I'll accept you bootleg
jeans and all."
Me: "What?" I was so confused
Ziyanda: "Nathan love is overrated. As long as we have an understanding we can
have something solid, something good." She came towards me and kids my cheek
"I am naked under this dress." She whispered seductively. My dick twitched. That
time her thighs were exposed and fresh. Ziyanda was gorgeous and her body was
everything.
Me: "Get out of my car Ziyanda."
Ziyanda: "Apartment 337." She winked and got out my car.
Me: "Shit!" I was so turned on but she wasn't worth it. Azande owned my heart
and I'll forever protect her and I wouldn't hurt her by sleeping with her oldest
friend but she needed to evaluate her friend list. I drove to the warehouse after
dropping her off. Ndu and I secret mission was underway.
NARRATED
Shaun: "Sonia, you have what I asked for?"
Sonia: "I sent the spyware like you asked me." She whispered since Nathan was
still sleeping
Shaun: "Let us check, oh yes, yes. what else do you have for me?"
Sonia: "All he speaks about is Durban. I heard him talk about another chance and
Grootboom" all these things didn't make sense to her but she listened anyway. "I
got you inside his phone Shaun when am I seeing my kids?"
Shaun: "The kids don't want to see you Sonia. I told them you abandoned them
and chose Jaden and his father."
Sonia: "What? Shaun that's not true, you're the one who kicked me out."
Shaun: "You slept with another man Sonia and made a kid. You gave that bastard
a son, something I have always longed for, so fuck you and go make other kids
with Nathan." He hung. Sonia slid down to the floor and cried, silently. She
realized that she was played and the chances of her seeing her kids again where
slim to none and not forgetting that she just betrayed the father of her son.
Jay: "Mommy, nom nom." That's what he called his cereal.
Sonia: "Okay big boy." She stood up and dusted herself up and went to make her
son cereal and started feeding him
Jay: "Daddy's phone not a toy." He pointed at the phone and Sonia didn't
understand what he meant.
Sonia: "Finish your nom nom baby so you can drink your juice." She looked at her
son and how happy he was. "I am really sorry for fucking up our life like this Jay. I
wasn't thinking. I have always wanted the best thing for my kids, just know that. I
would've done anything to get you back." She took her phone and called Shaun
again
Shaun: "What do you want woman?"
Sonia: "Please don't hurt Nathan Shaun. He has nothing to do with this, you are
angry at me, I am the one who cheated after all."
Shaun: "You both betrayed me. Your punishment is your kids and Nathan is
death!" He hung up again. Sonia was conflicted about warning Nathan or not but
she knew if she did she'll implicate herself as well and things were looking up for
them as parents and sexual partners. "I played this all wrong." She said. And
Nathan came out the room followed by their son and she acted cool, like she
didn't just stab him in the back.

»61<
CONTINUED
HLANGA
Pissed did not even begin to describe the state I was in, no word could. I didn't get
why my father praised that man so much, I wanted nothing to do with him. He
was too much in our family business and I didn't appreciate that.
Me: "BABA NO! I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!! MAKE ME UNDERSTAND THE PART
WHERE NKOMOSE IS PART OF THIS FAMILY??" I gave him a questioning look.
Baba: "WATCH IT HLANGALEZWE, I AM STILL YOUR FATHER!!" he pointed his
finger at me, he was also getting angry. I couldn't let it get that far, angry Themba
was a scary man.
Me: "Ngixolise Dingiswayo(I am sorry)."
Baba: "Listen here, Nkomose was called by us to protect this family. Now our
ancestors are communicating with him to further that request. You are in danger
Hlangalezwe, stop being stubborn and let him help you."
Me: "Baba whatever is meant to happen will happen, Nkomose can't stop that. I
am dealing with a lot right now to just disappear to some forsaken mountain." I
didn't have the time to just up and leave or to host a ceremony because that's
what he said we should do.
Baba: "How will you know if he'll help or not if you don't try?"
Me: "I wont because I am not interested. Nkomose is a conman. I have to go." I
stood up. At the end of the day, to him it was about money.
Baba: "You will regret this Hlanga and I won't be here to clean up the mess you
would've left behind." I didn't like what he was saying
Me: "What do you mean?"
Baba: "It's no secret I am on borrowed time, Muzi wants me dead."
Me: "Baba I told you lets take these people out before they succeed at killing
you."
Baba: "Nkomose adviced me against that and I trust him." I swear if I hear that
man's name again I'll kill someone. He was everywhere and my father trusted him
with the gruesome secrets of our family.
Me: "Mxm. I'll deal with them myself if they try anything best believe."
Baba: "You will always be a gangster. All you want to do is kill." He didn't say in a
friendly manner.
Me: "I am what I am." It was about time I owned who I was.
Baba: "Gangsters die way before their time and they never have peace. I just feel
sorry for your wife and child. They deserve so much better than the man you
really are, not who you want them to see you as." All this time him and I were
looking at each other in the eye "Now leave my sight!!"
Me: "Mxm!" My father didn't have the right to tell me what to do anymore, I was
my own man with his own household. I left the farm and went back home. It was
time Thingo and I moved back to our house, we had overstayed our welcome at
home. This was was on a temporary basis, until she was able to handle Ndoni ka
baba. This was some of the reasons why I never came back home often, my father
being controlling and my mother just letting him get away with it. I got home and
I found Banele and Ndoni ka baba napping on the carpet. My sister was so
obsessed with her. I went to find Thingo cleaning our room
Me: "Mamasekhaya."
Thingo: "Oh hey." She carried on doing her thing "You left your phone and it has
been ringing non stop. I tried to answer it and the person just kept quiet."
Me: "Oh who was it?" I went to take it out from the charger
Thingo: "Its an unsaved number." She stopped doing what she was doing and
looked at me "Nyambose did you talk to baba, about the man who came here to
warn us." She had a worried look. Nkomose really scared my wife with his
nonsense.
Me: "I did and we sorted it out, everything is going to be okay Thingo lwam." I
didn't want to worry her about useless things. "Come here."
Thingo: "oh that's a relief, I am glad you fixed it because he said I should stay
away from you and I don't want that." We hugged.
Me: "Whatever dark cloud he saw has been removed, so don't worry you are not
going anywhere." I kissed her nose "I love you."
Thingo: "I love you too." He kissed my lips "Nyambose we should never fight in
front of our daughter, she got so upset and she cried non stop until that man
came and took her from me. She calmed down that instant, it was unbelievable.
Then the man said she senses when her parents are not fine."
Me: "We were not fighting, we were in disagreement baby. And noted, we'll
never fight in front of our children!" I kissed her again.
Thingo: "Children?" I nodded "Not now Hlanga."
Me: "Whenever your body is ready to take my seed again." I looked at her straight
in her eyes, she wasn't excited about my suggestion.
Thingo: "..." she wanted to say something and I was ready to make my case. Being
married to a lawyer wasn't as easy as one would think. You always had to justify
yourself. "Lets go out for lunch, you, me and our adorable cub." she said smiling
and I chuckled. Oh so she chose to change the topic. "Then we start planning the
wedding properly. Venue, theme all those things." I had to stop her there, I wasn't
interested.
Me: "I like that idea but mamasekhaya can you decide for the both of us, I trust
your judgement."
Thingo: "Are you sure?" I nodded "Okay."
Me: "Just tell me where to go and I'll make sure I am available." She nodded
"Today you'll also get the chance to buy Ndoni and I something to wear on your
graduation." As we were talking I realized that ever since I married her, I had
never done my own shopping. Thingo took care of me in every way you can think
of, all I had to do was pay the bills.
Thingo: "Oh yes, that man traumatized me, I ended up not going. I also want us to
check up on Aya."
Me: "Invite mzala for lunch mamasekhaya."
Thingo: "But I wanted to spend time with my family."
Me: "Okay then. We'll go see her after."
Thingo: "Let me finish up here and we'll take a shower together, just to save
water." She kissed me
Me: "Is this really about saving water?" I asked playing with my eyebrows? She
giggled
Thingo: "Of course Nyambose wam what else will it be about?" Still giggling, my
wife though and she carried on cleaning. I browsed through my phone and that
number that had been calling was Fundiswa, I wasn't interested in whatever she
had to say. She had no right to come back after so long and claim to want me
back. My life had moved on, what did she think was doing for the past 18 years,
pining over her disloyal ass? Oh please, her pussy wasn't gold status. After a while
my wife finished cleaning our room and we went to shower together like she
suggested. "We'll take my new car."
Me: "She finally gets to drive it." I clapped my hands.
Thingo: "Mxm!" She carried on fixing her doek "Do I look fine?" I nodded. She was
still beautiful and the doek made her extra beautiful. "I don't feel fine
Hlangalezwe."
Me: "Thingo lwam you are beautiful trust me."
Thingo: "I don't know I feel fat and unsexy."
Me: "You are sexy and I say the thicker the better." She laughed "If you want to
do something about your weight, you know your husband owns a gym."
Thingo: "I know, we'll see. Let's go please go check if the car seat is secure and
take this bag." It was Ndoni's nappy bag "We need more nappies Hlanga, you're
daughter is just extra the past two days."
Me: "She's growing Thingo lwam."
Thingo: "Mmm." I took the bag and I went to the car. Everything was intact and
safe for my daughter. I went to the main house to take her. I found her aunt
giving her a bottle.
Me: "We are leaving."
Ma: "Haibo, niyaph(where are you going)?" She shouted from the kitchen
Thingo: "We need to go get a few things ma."
Nele: "You can leave her behind, I don't mind babysitting."
Thingo: "We won't be long aunty, we'll be back."
Ma: "Do you have to go with her, she's still young?"
Me: "Ma we are going as a family!" I was stern about it.
Ma: "Oh!" She went back to the kitchen. I took my daughter after she was done
feeding and we left.
Thingo: "You were harsh Hlangalezwe, ma just wants to help."
Me: "I didn't say anything wrong Siphosethu. Ma needs to understand that we are
our own unit." I think I was still mad at her and baba
Thingo: "..."
Me: "Where do you want us to have lunch?"
Thingo: "Anywhere that's baby friendly. What do you feel like eating?"
Me: "Meat." I always feel like meat.
Thingo: "Take us to Mugg n Bean. I want their chocolate cake." I nodded and I
drove us there. We had lunch and we spoke and surfed the net for wedding ideas
"I am still struggling with getting 4 bridesmaids."
Me: "Ask Nolwazi and Cebo and even uMaGumede omncane(Sasa)."
Thingo: "I am still 1 short, Snothi?"
Me: "Hell no!! I don't even want her at my wedding, her and her mother."
Thingo: "Then you need to decrease the number of groomsmen Hlanga."
Thingo: "Oooooh I am so dumb, #6 is Banele!!"
Me: "It's settled then because I wasn't going to decrease anything." We laughed "I
am enjoying today and I think Ndoni ka baba is as well." I looked at her "Angith
wena MaNyambose(am I right)?" She was busy sucking her pacifier. Apparently it
was to keep her mouth busy. I didn't understand because nothing came out of
that pacifier.
Thingo: "I think we should go now." I settled the bill and we went suit shopping,
my wife picked a blue scotched 3 piece suit for me and I have to say, it was killer.
Me: "We have a wedding coming up, you are definitely my suit guy."
Thingo: "I agree, Clinton you are good." He was a suit tailor.
Clinton: "I don't mind the business, just come to me early." We nodded and left.
Later we went dress shopping for my women, it felt good saying that. "I was
thinking of tulle skirts for Khanya and I."
Me: "Okay, where do we go to get them?" I didn't even know what that was.
Thingo: "We have to have them made."
Me: "What? You graduating in a week! Why didn't you have it made sooner?"
Thingo: "I was pregnant Hlanga. Then I had to recoup after giving birth, please
don't shout at me!" She was getting emotional and I didn't understand why.
Me: "Okay, I am sorry. Who's going to make it for you?" I felt bad.
Thingo: "Ma, I just have to get the material for her." I nodded.
Me: "Let's go." We didn't waste and we went to get what she was looking for. We
later drove to UKZN to check up on Aya and she was still okay.
Aya: "Bhuti you promised me a R1000 for every distinction I got."
Me: "I did?" I do not remember and when was that?
Thingo: "Yes baby you did, at the baby shower. I remember." What? I must have
been drunk.
Me: "Okay, show me your marks mzala." She handed Ndoni back to me and she
went to look for her papers. Aya was a good child with no drama. I didn't mind
investing in her, it was her sister I had a problem with and my wife was adamant
on helping them. Her words were "Hlanga her mother gave me a roof over my
head and food, yes she was abusive but she never kicked me out and I was fed."
So for that I was okay with paying for Snothi.
Thingo: "Wow Ayabonga, you were the memo mos wena!" She wasn't lying she
was acing everything.
Me: "Well done mzala, I am really proud of you."
Aya: "Ngyabonga bhuti, its all her influence." She pointed at my wife
Thingo: "Mina nawe(you and me) mzala, we are going places." They laughed and
high-fived. I couldn't help but smile. I love their bond.
Me: "So how much do I owe you?"
Aya: "I have 7 modules and 7 distinctions."
Me: "What?? Ngeke, ngeke this is daylight robbery."
Thingo: "Yay! pay up Mr!"
Me: "Fine, this is motivation mzala. You pass, I pay!"
Thingo: "Haibo! I have been passing for four years you've never paid me
anything."
Me: "Really, nangu uNdoni ka baba(here is), she's evidence that I pay real good." I
laughed
Thingo: "Hayi maan! Hlangalezwe!" She hit me and I laughed. She was so
embarrassed.
Me: "You know I am right." She put her finger on her mouth and avoiding eye
contact with Aya.
Aya: "I just got the notification, nice doing business with you bhuti." I laughed
and we shook hands. By the looks of things I'd be losing a lot of thousands to her
but I didn't mind, I was rewarding good work. "Ten thousand??" She popped her
eyes
Me: "You deserve it mzala. In four years time, it's your graduation we'll be
planning."
Aya: "Of course. Thank you for everything, thank you for looking out for me."
Thingo: "We are family mzala and that's what family does, they look out for each
other." She hugged her.
Me: "I don't want you entertaining boys and clubbing Ayabonga or hell will break
loose! I own a gun." I pointed at her.
Aya: "Hayi bhuti, I wont lose focus."
Thingo: "Then he wont use his gun and I wont use my sjambok." I laughed and
Aya too.
Aya: "Says a person who'll never hurt a fly." Thingo had a good heart and she
couldn't help herself.
Thingo: "But I can inflict discipline. Ask your daughter, when she starts with her
drama of boycotting sleep, I spank that ass!" Aya was laughing so hard.
Me: "And I'll deal with you accordingly. No one and I mean no one spanks my
daughter!"
Thingo: "She spends her whole day with me, asaz( we dont know)"
Me: "..." I honestly didn't want anyone spanking my daughter. Ndoni ka baba
deserved the best treatment in the world.
Thingo: "Mzala let us not keep you from your plans. Aya you must visit home."
Aya: "No promises." She wasn't interested in visiting her own mother, it made me
wonder what went through that woman's head and heart.
Thingo: "Hayi okay. We'll talk on the phone." We all hugged and we left. My
phone rang again and guess who it was... Fundiswa! "Just answer it Hlanga."
Me: "Its an unsaved number that means I don't know the person and they're not
important."
Thingo: "It could be important Nyambose!" I had to pick up because she wasn't
going to let it go
Me: "Sho."
Fundi: "Oh thank God you picked up. How are you doing?"
Me: "Ekse talk, ufunan(what do you want)?"
Fundi: "I was wondering if we could do lunch and maybe get a chance to talk."
Me: "There's nothing to talk about."
Fundi: "We have a lot to catch up on Lezwe. And maybe also find a way forward."
Me: "A way forward?" I chuckled "A way forward to where? Look I am busy right
now." I hung up "Nxa!!"
Thingo: "Is everything okay?"
Me: "It's perfect." I kissed her lips while she was driving. I was sitting with my
baby girl in the back seat. "I love you." I said nibbling her ear
Thingo: "Nyambose man!" She was laughing "I'll cause an accident."
Me: "I want you so bad."
Thingo: "We should pass by the garage and get condoms."
Me: "We've never used condoms and we won't start now."
Thingo: "We have to get me on some kind of contraceptive. I am going back to
work soon."
Me: "..." I chose to ignore her and play with my daughter. The truth was I didn't
like my wife working for Delani, the guy just rubbed me off the wrong way.
Thingo: "Nyambose."
Me: "MaZwide." She giggled
Thingo: "I never told you this but right now I am the happiest I have ever been.
You, me and Ndoni."
Me: "Me too." I kissed my daughter's forehead "Me too mama bear." Fundiswa
can go fuck it! This is where I belonged.
======
Me: "Ndabezitha!! Zulu kamalandela ngokulandela izinkomo zamadoda!!"
Sandile: "Ngisho mfo ka Mthethwa! Nkonyane yenkosi, Hlangalezwe!!" We shook
hands and bro hugged, like we weren't drinking together the previous weekend.
Sandile was my blood, more than Sbu. We grew up together, inseparable even.
His father and my mother were siblings. He's the guy I called whenever I had a
problem and I knew I could count on him. Even Thingo grasped that and started
leaning on him whenever I wasn't around "Gaz lam, zishan(blood brother, what's
up)?
Me: "Hayi into ethen gaz lam (nothing much blood brother). I have a job offer for
you." He chuckled
Sandile: "A job offer? You back in the game aren't you?"
Me: "Past 5 years." He was shocked "I know, I know. Anyway my organization
needs an accountant and not just an accountant, we need you!"
Sandile: "I am legit now gazi. I have a good paying job and I like it."
Me: "Its me you talking to Sandile. And you won't be working for those low lifes
who don't appreciate your skill."
Sandile: "Tempting because I know the pay is good but... let me sleep on it."
Me: "What's there to sleep on gazi? This is a great opportunity. You'll have your
own working hours and like you said the pay is good. This will give you the chance
to finally afford a Lamborghini."
Sandile: "It's that good huh?" I nodded "Okay, I'll just have to adjust my
schedule."
Me: "Another thing, you only work for us. You'll be an in-house accountant." He
didn't like that part
Sandile: "In that case I decide my salary, after I have seen your organization's
books."
Me: "Don't forget we are still family." We laughed
Sandile: "Not when there's money involved. Fine I'll serve my notice, in the
meantime prepare your guys for a full audit from me, I'd like to know what I am
working with."
Me: "Done!" We shook hands "So how is the family?"
Sandile: "Dad is still himself and my mother too." He was the only child, that's
why I spent so much time with him.
Me: "And the kids?"
Sandile: "The kids are fine, its their mothers that drive me crazy. Be grateful that
you had a kid with your wife because baby mamas are a pain." He seemed
stressed and he had 4 of them.
Me: "We'll relieve that tension later in the week, I have to bounce now."
Sandile: "Sure, sure. Greet Siphosethu for me."
Me: "Will do." We shook hands and I left. I had somewhere else to be, it was high
time I put this to an end. I got there and I found her drinking something in a tiny
cup. Times have changed, she didn't look like the kasi girl I was so fond of. All the
make up and fake hair made me not recognize her anymore. I have always been a
guy who appreciated his women in the natural form. Anyway back to the table
"Make it quick, I have a wife and a child to go back to. What do you want?"
Fundi: "What? So it's true, you are married? I don't believe you, where is the
ring?"
Me: "Listen here I don't owe you an explanation and I certainly don't have to
prove anything to you . In fact fuck this, I don't know why I came here!" I had no
reason to be there honestly. I stood up and made my way to the door
Fundi: "Lezwe! Hlanga please come back, I am sorry!"
Me: "Lose my number Fundiswa!" I left the restaurant. Pissed as fuck, I don't
know why I kept doing this to myself. First it me offering her a plane ride and now
I agreed to lunch. It was time I admitted that somehow Fundi still had a hold on
me and it was powerful enough to tick me off, it was in my prayers that I don't do
something stupid. I got home I went straight to my room and my wife wasn't
there, I called her "I need you."
Thingo: "Okay I am coming." She hung and it didn't take time for her to barge in
our room. "Is everything okay, I was fixing you a plate."
Me: "Sssshhh!!!" I kissed her so hungrily. I needed to release that frustration
somewhere
Thingo: "Slow down, Nyambose." She held my face "Now talk to me. I don't like
that face, that face means something is eating you." She kissed my lips. That day
confirmed that there's nothing I could hide from my wife, she knew me. "Talk to
me baba ka Ndoni." She took off my t-shirt. I wanted to tell her everything. "It just
me and you sthandwa sam." How do you tell your wife that your ex is back in
town and somehow her being back drives you crazy.
Me: "..." Next thing my wife went on her knees and started unzipping my pants. I
pulled her up and threw her on the bed and made her bend over and I didn't even
warn her, I inserted myself. My thrusts were so intense
Thingo: "Aaah Hlanga you are hurting me!!!!" She screamed. "You're hurting
me!!" I stopped after her second scream.
Me: "I am sorry Thingo lwam." I bought her to my chest "Ngyakthanda Thingo
lwam." I felt really bad.
Thingo: "..." she just looked at me with tears streaming down her cheeks. She
pushed me away and went to the bathroom. I felt like a loser, like I had lost
control of myself. Why did Fundi affect me so much?

61
CONTINUED
Part 2
HLELO
Phila: "Hayi friend, flowers again!" He entered the office with a bouquet of red
roses and chocolate. "Its the 3rd time this week. YOOOH! Friend your boyfriend is
a keeper. Such a romantic." I giggled and took the roses and read the card and it
said "Thinking of you."
Me: "Thank you friend." I took them and placed them on the desk and carried on
working.
Phila: "Hawu Gugu. Why does it seem like you don't care"
Me: "I do care, I'll give him his thank you kiss tonight. Phila we have work to do
let's focus on what's important right now."
Phila: "Tjooh okay." He sat down and he also started working. The truth was
Nqobani and I weren't on the same page and he wasn't himself the past few days,
I felt like he was avoiding me and used the flowers as a way to shut me up. He
really wanted us to try for a baby and I honestly wasn't there. I'd do anything for
him but not a child, it's too much of a sacrifice and responsibility. I had other
plans for my life other than being a mother. I carried on working until my lunch
time
Me: "Babe lunch is on me today."
Phila: "I will bankrupt you ke." We laughed. Phila was a work friend, he's been
suggesting weekend hook ups and clubbing and I wasnt there, I had a lot on my
plate. I mean I hardly went out with my best friend for that matter. Anyway we
went to my car and drove to Nandos, I wanted something flame grilled. "What
happened to that street kid you always chasing."
Me: "I don't know hay. I am actually worried about her, I haven't seen her in
weeks, maybe she changed spots." I sighed "Let's drive past and ask her friends."
Lucy was nowhere to be seen hay. I found the girls and boy she usually hang out
with.
Girl: "She got a job in Hillbrow." Huh? What kind of job could Lucy have gotten
herself, why Hillbrow out of all places? We all know what happens in Hillbrow.
Me: "Jooh. If you see her again tell her I am looking for her, she knows where I
work."
Girl: "Sure sisters."
Me: "Get yourself some food." I handed her a R50 note
Girl: "Thank you, thank you."
Me: "Don't smoke it!" I pointed at her
Girl: "Never sisters." I nodded and left. On our way back to work I kept on seeing
the same car behind us, it was a white Audi. I was dating a gang leader now so I
was always on the look out.
Me: "Maybe it's nothing."
Phila: "Huh, uthetha ngantoni (What are you talking about)?" I must have said it
out loud
Me: "Nothing." We got to the office and a few minutes later the same white Audi
parked next to my car. What caught my eye this time was the registration plate
"Major." I laughed. Next thing my boyfriend came out of the car, looking fine as
hell. He was wearing a white chinese collar shirt, black jeans and brown formal
shoes and he added a pair of shades to the look. So he bought a new car and
personalized it with the name I usually tease him with.
Nqobani: "Sawubona." He looked at Phila "MaGumede" he smiled when he
looked at me and I smiled back.
Phila: "Hey. I'll catch you inside." I nodded, he left us and I just admired the dark
chocolate nigger in front of me.
Nqobani: "Come here. I missed you." We hugged. He smelled like alcohol but tried
to hide it with his cologne and the mint gum he was chewing. It was 13:42 midday
and he was already drinking? I wanted to address it but I didn't want to ruin the
moment.
Me: "I hate fighting with you." I really did, it made me miserable.
Nqobani: "Me too."
Me: "Thank you for the roses and flowers." I baby kissed him
Nqobani: "You are welcome."
Me: "So tell me about the upgrade and the registration plate." We shared a laugh
Nqobani: "You know you inspired the name." We laughed "At first I wasn't happy
about it but the more you used it I got used to it and I liked it." We kissed "So
wena, you are Madam Major." I laughed but at the same time I wanted him to say
it, that maybe he was thinking of marrying me. The truth is I was bothered by the
fact that he wanted us to have a child more than he wanted us to share a life
together.
Me: "Madam Major?"
Nqobani: "Yes." He took my hands "I have been thinking, maybe we should talk
about plans for the future. Marriage and kids." My heart skipped a beat and I
smiled, he was thinking of a future with me in it. Woah!! woah! wait...
Me: "Nqobani I will not talk the future with you, not when you still lie to me and
make fake promises about getting help." He looked away "Right now you have
alcohol in your system and its Wednesday midday. I will not subject my kids or
myself for that matter to that kind of life." I loved him, I wanted a life with him
and I also wanted the best for him and so that meant I shouldn't sugarcoat things
for him and just because he was saying the right things it didn't mean I should
forget about what was important. I mean how was our life going to look like if I
was having problems with him now? I was reckless in my teens and I made
choices that I wasn't proud of but I couldn't do the same in my 20s, I had to show
growth and maturity. One thing I have learnt over the years is that just because
you want something that doesn't mean you should lose yourself and forget what
is important just to get it. I wanted a stable relationship, I wanted marriage and
kids but I wasn't rushing the process nor will I force the situation. I loved Nqobani,
he was a man's man but he still needed to grow to be my husband, right that
moment he was unreliable and I just couldn't settle with that kind of partner.
Nqobani "Gugulethu I am not bad as you make me sound. You act like I am crazy
and I am not. Tell me have I not been good to you?" He wasn't getting my point
Me: "This is not about me Nqobani. Baby I am worried about you." He really
didn't understand how his situation affected me as well. Whenever he got those
nightmares he drank excessively and he got really aggressive, he was really
impossible to deal with.
Nqobani: "Thank you for worrying about me but baby I am fine. I didn't come here
to fight with you but to make peace."
Me: "..." his stubbornness was going to be the death of me
Nqobani: "I am leaving for Durban, I have business I need to handle, I'll be there
for a while. So can you and Sbonga join me for the weekend, we'll have a family
weekend and maybe you and I can get into future plans."
Me: "I wanted to go shoe shopping this weekend." My graduation was fast
approaching
Nqobani: "I am sure you will find something that side." All I was thinking of now
was seeing my family, I missed them.
Me: "This will give me time to go see my parents."
Nqobani: "Is that a yes?" I nodded "I'll send a car for you."
Me: "Okay. I have to go in, my lunch break is up." I kissed him "I love you and tell
me when you get to Durban."
Nqobani: "Of course and I love you too." I walked to the door "MaGumede." I
looked at him "I am serious about having a future with you." I didn't believe him,
he was all talk and no action.
Me: "Why, why now? You are the one who wasn't ready to talk marriage a few
weeks ago." He came closer
Nqobani: "The woman I was ready to take that step with died, I don't want you to
die as well. I have this constant fear that every chance of happiness somehow
brings bad luck for me." Mimi and Njabulo always popped up in our relationship.
Sometimes I got really uncomfortable. Being with someone who's partner died
was a bit challenging because you are competing with a ghost and at the same
time you can't hold it against them because it wasn't their fault.
Me: "..." all of this confirmed what I've been saying, this guy really needed
professional help, he is holding on to too much. I wasn't strong or equipped to
handle his baggage all alone, he had to meet me halfway by at least trying. "What
happened to your family was tragic and I am really sorry. You'll get your chance at
happiness but you need to let go of the past first, by talking about it. Your fears
and everything you've been through. Baby in order for you to have to a good life
now, you need to acknowledge your past. You also need to accept it and maybe
even forgive yourself for Mimi and Njabulo's death and maybe even your father."
Nqobani: "FORGIVE HIM, FORGIVE HIM?? NO GUGULETHU, HE GOT WHAT HE
DESERVED!"
Me: "He might be dead but you don't have peace Nqobani. Baby look at where
you are and tell me that you are not still angry at him, dead as he is?" He couldn't
look at me. I needed him to understand that talking about things that bothered
you was helpful. I mean my therapist was my mother, I ran to her whenever shit
got real. "You know my father was angry for years at his father for abandoning
him, he ended up an alcoholic. All because he was holding on to the anger and
bitterness, he didn't have peace. All I am saying is forgive him, even though he
doesn't deserve it. Forgive him for yourself."
Nqobani: "Forgive him for myself?" I nodded
Me: "Think about it on your way to Durban. Baby I really have to go, I love you." I
blew him a kiss and ran inside.
======
Friday came and Sbonga and I even bunked our responsibilities just for Durban, he
missed school and I took a day off from work. I was really excited about the
weekend, things between my man and I were improving plus there was less baby
talk and more us talk and also the fact that I was going to see my family.
Me: "Mandla can we drive past the apartment." Mandla was the driver he sent to
fetch us.
Mandla: "Sure madam." Huh, madam? I have to say this Mandla fella was sketchy,
he reminded me so much of Ndumiso. He was wearing a bucket hat and chewing
a match stick. I knew I was safe because Nqobani was extra careful when it came
to security, he was worse than my dad. Anyway we got to Nqobani's apartment
and I went straight to the bathroom
Me: "Omw where are you, where are you?" I tore that bathroom apartment
Sbonga: "Mama, you will make us late for papa."
Me:"Just wait a minute!" I snapped, I was frustrated, I couldn't find what I was
looking for.
Sbonga: "Papa, mama is shouting at me!" He sulked. Haibo turns out they were
on the phone. He handed me the phone and left the bathroom
Me: "Major." I said seductively
Nqobani: "Baby why are you shouting at my son, better yet why haven't you
boarded the jet yet?"
Me: "I wanted to grab something real quick here at your place."
Nqobani: "What is that?" I sighed
Me: "My birth control pills. I ran out and I keep an extra prescription here but I
can't find it." I crossed my fingers hoping that this wont become a thing.
Nqobani: "I threw them away. Now go board the jet before you lose airspace and
I'll see you soon"
Me: "Why the hell did you throw them away?" Was he crazy?
Nqobani: "You know why." He hung up. What?? I thought we were passed that or
we were on a break at least. I put everything back in it's place and we left. We
landed in Durban and he was already waiting for us
Sbonga: "Papa!" He ran up to him and they did their hand shake.
Nqobani: "Look how tall you are, soon you will be taller than me" they laughed
"Hey." He looked at me
Me: "Hey." We baby kissed and he took our bags to the car and we drove out the
airport.
Nqobani: "Where do you guys want to eat?"
Sbonga: "Spur! Please papa."
Me: "Spur is fine."
Nqobani: "Okay. Buddy I bought us matching suits for mama's graduation." I
laughed
Me: "You did?" He was so sweet though. Nqobani had a good heart, maybe I
could give him a child just maybe.
Nqobani: "They are in my hotel room." I kissed him on the lips and I rested my
head on his shoulder
Me: "Thank you for everything." I really appreciated his efforts.
Nqobani: "You don't have to thank me, I like seeing you happy somehow it also
makes me happy." I kissed his lips again
Sbonga: "mama stop it!!" I even forgot about him, I was in the moment. We all
laughed and we finally got to Spur. We had lunch as a family as Major
Mthimkhulu put it. We later went family shoe shopping
Me: "I won't know the shoes that will suit the suit papa, I haven't seen the suits
yet."
Nqobani: "Just help me choose the best brown formal shoes." Nqobani had style,
he didn't need my help choosing an outfit. Sometimes he made me feel some
type of way with his fashion sense
Me: "Hayi okay." I helped them buy formal shoes. "Major." He turned and looked
at me smiling, he really did like that name. "I also want to make you happy."
Nqobani: "Us trying for a baby will make me happy MaGumede."
Me: "Hawu Nqobani." He defeated me, what he was asking from was a huge
sacrifice. I was basically changing my life just to accommodate that child. "Can we
at least visit this topic when I can sleep peacefully next you and you don't drink
alcohol before bed?" Nqobani and I had serious problems guys and we hadn't
even reach an anniversary yet.
Nqpbani: "I went to the psychiatrist a week ago and I didn't like her, it won't work
with her." What? Why didn't he say anything, this was big "So I'll just try the
army." Those news made me so happy, he might not see it but it was going to
benefit him in the long run.
Me: "All I want is for you to try baby, for you to make an effort." That's all I
needed from him.
Nqobani: "I don't want you to be afraid of sleeping next me baby." I also didn't
want that. We hugged
Me: "I am proud of you, if you need anything just shout, okay?"
Nqobani: "Don't give up on me MaGumede, that's all I ask from you."
Me: "Okay." We kissed and we carried on shopping. We later went to change into
our beach wear at his hotel and we went to the beach. It was really a good day for
us
Nqobani: "I am tied up tomorrow so go visit home and we'll talk on the phone." I
wanted to ask about his work but no, I didn't want to know.
Me: "Okay." Dinner came and later we watched a movie on his laptop, it was for
Sbonga. After he dosed off things got hinky. We were making out all over our
hotel room, then I remembered "Baby, baby we need to stop until I am back on
the pill." I didn't want to risk it. "Unless you have condoms."
Nqobani: "No I don't. Look baby I'll pull out, I promise." He started kissing me and
went down to my neck, I was enjoying it so much. He hadn't touched me in weeks
"I promise."
Me: "Okay." I said a little prayer.
======
Me: "So what's the situation between you and your baby daddy?" I got home to
find Ntombi and Phaka were also there. Alime was there to take the paternity
test. "I mean you are not set up in one of the guest bedroom." That meant they
shared his room.
Sasa: "I hope you are not making a second baby while Phaka is still an infant." I
laughed and Ntombi was embarrassed
Ntombi: "Cha akunjalo aunty(it is not like that)." She was so respectful "Khaya
ufuna sizame, angaz mina ngoba kusakhona indaba yenye ingane (Khaya wants us
to try a relationship, I am not sure because there's still the question of Beverley's
child's paternity)."
Sasa: "Will it change anything, whether it's his or not?" She shrugged her
shoulders
Me: "Ithini inhliziyo yakho Ntombikayise (What does your heart say)?"
Ntombi: "Ngyamthanda mina uKhaya aunty ukuth nje uyafeba (I love him aunty,
it's just that he is man whore) hayi!" We laughed, she wasn't wrong about her
baby daddy you know. "Ngempela esgodini kuyaziwa nje kuth amawele
akwaGumede awandlulwa sikayiti. Nam ngazi faka ke lapho (I am serious, even in
the village the Gumede twins are notorious for being man whores and somehow I
managed to involve myself in the mess)." We laughed even harder, she was really
funny.
Me: "So what are you going to do?"
Ntombi: "Okwamanje Khaya no Vusi bayikho konke enginakho and sijabulile
njengoba ngishilo ngyamthanda umfowenu (Right now Khaya and Vusi are all I
have and we are happy and like I said I love your brother)" we nodded in
understanding "I just want to see what I am getting myself into with this baby
thing."
Gogo: "Makoti uthi uKhaya akuphatheleni (Khaya wants to know what to bring
you from town)?" My grandmother guys, she was too involved in Alime's life.
"Ama burger?"
Ntombi: "Yebo gogo." She showed her a thumbs up and left us. Sasa pointed the
pool with her eyes and I jumped, we had to discuss this.
Sasa: "Ugogo Gumede is basically planning Ntombi and Khaya's wedding."
Me: "I know." We high fived and laughed "I am going to ask her what her plan is."
Sasa: "Haisuka man leave her to play cupid, she's bored and old." We laughed, I
really missed her hay. Later my mother came back with Qhawekazi
Me: "Here's my little Victress, aaah she claps hands now?" I was so happy to see
her. I picked her up and we hugged
Mamazi: "What about me, don't I get a hug?" My mother loved attention
sometimes
Me: "Of course you do." We hugged "I missed you."
Mamazi: "Me too. I didn't even know you were coming."
Me: "We are just here for the day. Nqobani is working this side and so he asked us
to join him for the weekend"
Mamazi: "Oooh I thought maybe you were here for your brother's boxing match."
Me: "It's today?" I totally forgot. I was a bad sister.
Simo: "It's in 2 hours, I sent my match schedule on the family group Hlehle."
Me: "It's a good thing I am here then." Everyone started preparing for the match,
Alime came with family feast from McDonald's and KFC. My brother didn't seem
okay, Alime wasn't much of a talker but he did engage in family conversations and
what also stood out for me was the fact that he wasn't eating, my brother loved
food in fact we all loved food at home. "Are you okay?" I went to him, he was
busy playing with his son
Alime: "I think Beverley's baby is mine the more I think about it and I haven't been
treating her right throughout her pregnancy." He looked at me "I messed up
Hlehle and now Beverley wants nothing to do with me. She didn't even want me
to take the paternity test." Wtf? This was serious.
Mamazi: "What? She just chased you away?" We didn't even realize that mamazi
had entered the room.
Alime: "Her sisters chased me away. Beverley sent me this text after they chased
me." He gave us his phone.
Me: "Beverley is heartless yaz!" He was emotional, my brother wanted to cry "She
gave birth to a girl." After that he stood up with his son and they went upstairs
Gogo: "Ngizwe igama elithi Beverley, wenzen (I heard the name Beverley, what
has she done now)?" Mamazi told her the story and I showed her the text "Wena
don't judge Beverley, you did the same thing she did." I didn't like what she said.
Me: "Hawu gogo Gumede!! My situation is different."
Gogo: "Mxm! I am going to check on Khaya." Vele she must go, nxa! My
grandmother was impossible at times. Sometimes I felt she was too hard on me
more than anyone, firstly for being pregnant when I was 16 years then later for
not wanting Melisizwe close to my son, she hasn't said anything about me
graduating but she was quick to point out my wrongs. I mean Beverley and I's
situation was different, Alime didn't deny them, he only said he'll do what is right
after he was sure that the baby was his and given Beverley's history with men I
didn't blame him.
Me: "Mamazi what are we going to do?" It was best not to dwell on my
grandmother's drama and focus on Alime. I wanted to help him, he'd do the same
if the roles were reversed.
Mamazi: "We'll go have a woman to woman talk with Beverley but especially her
sisters. This wasn't their business, if Beverley wants nothing to do with my son
then she should have the boobs to say it to his face not through some lousy text,
just like she was able to open her legs and not use her sisters. Where were they
when she opened her legs?" Friendly Ntandokazi left the room, that time my
mother was putting back her sneakers. They were about to experience
Dramakazi!! "Let's go!!" She said with her straight face, I followed her to the car
and Sasa wasnt far behind
Sasa: "Siyaph (where are we going)?" I giggled, she didn't even know what was
happening but she was including herself.
Mamazi: "Tell her Hlehle" my mother drove out the estate while I told Sasa the
story.
Sasa: "She is crazy. She's been on Khaya's case for months and suddenly she
wants nothing to do with him hehe not owam ubhuti shem!! Alimikhaya is not
Beverley's yoyo. And the sisters will stay in their lane, I'll make sure of that." She
clapped her hands.
Mamazi: "You can say that again, if Beverley didn't want anything to do with my
son she shouldn't have told him about the baby finish en klaar!"
Sasa: "Qha!" My mother and sister were so much alike. Stepping on their toes was
a bad idea because they turned cat on you real quick. We got to the hospital and
we asked for the maternity ward and went straight there. We were not allowed to
go in since we were not family.
Me: "We are family of the father, we are here on his behalf."
Receptionist: "I am sorry I can't let you go in."
Mamazi: "5 minutes sisi please. That's all, we just want a picture of the baby."
Meanwhile my mother is pushing a R200 note towards the receptionist. She
looked at it and back at my mother and Sasa also took out a R100 note and held
the receptionist's hand
Receptionist: "Fine! There are cameras here just drop it in the bin over there, I'll
get it. 5 minutes kphela!"
Us: "Thank you, thank you!" My mother and sister threw the money in the bin
and we went to her room. Guys the scene my mother and sister caused together
with Beverley's family. Security even had to intervene
Mamazi: "YOU WILL RETRACT THAT MESSAGE AND MY SON WILL SEE HIS
DAUGHTER OR HELL WILL BREAK LOSE. THESE THINGS DON'T SCARE ME." by
these things she meant zip ties, yes her and Sasa were arrested for attacking
Beverley's sisters.
Beverley: "Ma bengingaqondanga ukuzwisa uKhaya ubhlungu (I didn't mean to
cause Khaya harm). I was tired of chasing after him. I have a baby to take care of
now, I don't have time to chase after him anymore."
Sasa: "Your message didn't say that, you were ready to keep that child from her
father, some mother you are!"
Beverley: "I'll talk to him again and rectify the situation."
Mamazi: "You better!!! When I get home I want my son telling me a different
story. And dare tell him I was here, yim nawe ntombazane ndini (It's me and you
my girl)!!"
Beverley: "Okay ma." She was so scared and her sisters were dealt with by my 17
year old sister, they indeed stayed in their lane. The security pushed them to a
small room somewhere and I was busy following them.
Me: "Bhuti ngyabaxolisela, isimo besisibi (I am sorry on their behalf, things got out
of hand)."
Security: "These two have a warning in this hospital. Call someone to fetch them
because you also can't control them."
Mamazi: "Please don't call your father he'll just blow this thing out of proportion."
It was out of proportion though
Sasa: "Please try one of the Lumes or even better gogo Gumede"
Mamazi: "Woooh no no!" We laughed "I'll take your father instead."
Me: "oLume won't be happy about this either, you two are arrested technically.
We need some who's not family."
Mamazi: "You are such a bad lawyer yaz. These are not even handcuffs but you
still can't get us out." We laughed, this whole thing became a joke
Me: "We still don't have someone to get you out of here." Then I remembered I
had a gangster boyfriend, I have to say I felt like a double agent somehow working
for the law whereas I sometimes slept next to someone who broke it. Anyway...
"Oh wait." I dialled his number.
Nqobani: "Madam Major." I giggled
Me: "Baby we need your help, we've been arrested"
Nqobani: "What the hell?"
Me: "Well my mother and sister are, we at the hospital. Come bail us out." I
looked at the security guard, he wasn't happy that we were joking around "Please
come soon, we have a boxing match to get to."
Nqobani: "Okay send your location." He hung up and I sent it to him. We carried
on talking and laughing until my man came to the rescue and he just threw a stack
of money at the guy and told him to tear up the warning letter that mother and
sister refused to sign, those two were bad girls together and we were good to go.
Mamazi: "Thank you so much Nqobani."
Nqobani: "No problem Mrs Gumede" they went to her car and it was just us "You
have to tell me what went down." I laughed
Me: "Drama I tell you." We laughed "I'll see you after the match I guess. Unless
you not busy we can go see Simo JAB KING Gumede do his thing."
Nqobani: "JAB KING?" I nodded "I'll talk to the boys, we might come" we kissed
"Baby please sleep at home tonight things are a bit intense."
Me: "Should I be worried?"
Nqobani: "No, everything is fine. Go home we'll talk on the phone." He was lying
through his teeth. Whatever was worrying him was gang related. We went our
separate ways and we got home just in time as everyone was departing for the
match. Everyone was excited including Alime
Alime: "Beverley called, she changed her mind." He was smiling
Me: "That's great news. So are you going to take the test still?"
Alime: "I don't think I should, that baby girl is mine but I'll talk to her mother."
Me: "Bhuti things needs to change after this, look at where we are."
Alime: "We are fine Hlehle. Next weekend obafo and I are going to the Zikalala
family to do what is right and I'll work really hard on my relationship with
Phiwokuhle's mother." Ntombi's surname was Zikalala by the way.
Me: "Phiwokuhle? Haibo you already have a name for her?" He smiled,
Alime: "I do. Gogo Gumede and I came up with it." He was so happy. Deep down I
still wanted him to take that paternity test, just to be sure.
Me: "It's a really nice name bhuti, I guess congratulations are in order." We
hugged and we left him and his mini family. Seeing the drama between Alime and
Beverley I don't know I kinda asked myself if at some point did Melisizwe want to
do what was right for us. If not for me, for Sbonga. I mean my brother was so
devastated about not meeting his daughter even though he didn't love her
mother. I know Melisizwe didn't love me and I accepted that but the baby I was
carrying was innocent. "Mamazi do you think I made the wrong decision by asking
baba to keep Melisizwe away from Sbonga?" I don't know where that question
came from.
Mamazi: "Hlehle don't let gogo Gumede get in your head. She's never been in
your shoes therefore she'll never understand why you made the choices you
made. Hlehle never apologize and you don't have to explain yourself to anyone
about something you feel strongly about. Your feelings towards him are justified, I
saw what he did to your spirit."
Me: "Mamazi Melisizwe doesn't deserve Sbonga!!"
Mamazi: "And I totally understand and I know you believe that and that's all that
matters." I trusted my mother's judgement more than my own most of the times.
We carried on watching the JAB KING, I have to say my brother was going places
with boxing but it worried me because he wanted nothing to do with varsity, he
needed a backup plan.
=======
Lady: "Hi I am Jessica Lang."
Me: "Okay." She came out of nowhere and gave me her hand to shake, I didn't
even know her. I tried walking in at the office
Jessica: "Miss Gumede. I have sensitive information about your boyfriend and
judging by where you work I think WE have problems." I turned real quick
Me: "What? I don't have a boyfriend." Wooo was ready to pee my pants, this
woman was a bit intimidating
Jessica: "Miss Gumede I know everything about you, I know everything about
your father, Qophelo Gumede right?" she laughed sarcastically "Interesting man, I
have to say." This was getting scary by the second
Me: "What do you want?"
Jessica: "Straight to the point I like that." She handed me an envelope "Tell him to
call me." I took the envelope and opened it "And oh tell him the gloves are off!"
He walked away and disappeared into the crowd.
Me: "Oh nkosi yam!" I covered my mouth, this Jessica woman just revealed
another piece of the puzzle call Nqobani. I eventually put everything back. "Who
the fuck is Nqobani Clive Mthimkhulu?" I asked myself, I didn't feel like I knew him
at all.

61
CONTINUED
Part 3
MUSA
Me: "Mmmm" a hand shook me even harder "Go away!"
Voice: "Yay wena, vuka!!" The voice was so familiar. I slowly opened my eyes
Me: "Zweli?"
Zweli: "Hey sleepy head." He helped me sit properly. I couldn't believe my eyes,
what was he doing here?
Me: "Come give me a hug silly." I opened my arms "It's been too long bro." Zweli
was the brother had never had. Him and Zipho were the first siblings I had when I
moved to Durban and the Dube family was so welcoming, I felt at home.
Zweli: "I missed you sis." He hugged me again "Musa you just upped and left, your
job and home?" I got out of bed
Me: "I was trying to save my marriage and I was on the verge of losing my boys,
packing everything and moving here was for survival bro."
Zweli: "I am guessing all went well." He pointed at the house and my baby bump. I
laughed sarcastically
Me: "Nothing about my life is going well. Things are complicated than before."
And the person who made my life even more complicated called. I put my phone
on silence and I looked at my brother "Come make me pancakes." He chuckled
Zweli: "Come on, I am a guest here!"
Me: "Psssh please, guest my ass. Plus you woke me up before my time and now
my babies want food, how did you enter the estate anyway." We walked to the
kitchen
Zweli: "Lakhe opened for me." My phone lit up again "Just answer the phone
Musa."
Me: "No, I really want to enjoy my time with you, this call is going to ruin that."
Zweli: "Who is it?" I shrugged my shoulders "Sisi whats going on, you know you
can come to me about anything right?" I nodded. He must have been in the dark
about my life, I guess. But my defense was Zweli was too busy, he had a lot on his
plate. I mean the guy couldn't even stay in a stable relationship because he never
had time.
Me: "I am really fine." He didn't believe me and I wasnt convincing enough "I met
this guy a while ago and I started seeing him."
Zweli: "WTF!! So you cheating on your husband?"
Me: "Ndumiso divorced me Zweli, I thought you knew that. News travel fast in
this family." He was shocked, genuinely shocked.
Zweli: "They missed me and I don't get why you didn't call me, I am sure you
weren't fine." He chuckled sarcastically "So you and Ndu live in the same house
but lead separate lives?"
Me: "No, to Ndumiso we are starting over and trying again but I am not there."
Zweli: "You want the new guy, what is his name again?"
Me: "Kelvin and no I don't want him, I realized that I was with him for all the
wrong reasons. And Nosi made me realize something I was in denial about, Kelvin
won't love my kids like their father, he is already hostile about my pregnancy. So I
ended things with him but he is not getting the message." I was over Kelvin
Shoba, he was just a distraction and I really didn't need that. I know a while ago I
had promised that I'll take care of myself and make myself happy and stop
depending on men for it well I was going back to that promise. As for my situation
with my ex-husband, I honestly don't know.
Zweli: "I always thought you and Ndu will last forever."
Me: "Me too, I don't think I'll ever love another man like I love him."
Zweli: "Then fix things sisi, the guy wants you back."
Me: "Zweli you don't get it, Ndumiso hasn't dealt with the past. He thinks he has
but he hasn't. He also hasn't learnt anything from our failed marriage and I don't
think I can get myself involved with him again if he hasn't changed a few things
about himself because he is also to blame for certain things in our failed
marriage."
Zweli: "I don't understand."
Me: "From where I am sitting now I realize that there were so many holes in my
marriage. #1 Communication, Ndumiso enabled my behavior for years and I
ended up thinking it was right for me to leave my family and travel with the team.
He made me believe that I can have everything I want whereas it wasn't the truth.
He should have forced us to set priorities for our marriage and for him one of
those priorities was having kids and for me it wasnt. You see just from that him
and I weren't on the same level?" He nodded "My point is had our
communication been solid we would be in a different place as we speak. And I am
not saying our present predicament is entirely his fault because I was also selfish
and that made me absent in my marriage." The truth is Ndumiso and I also
needed therapy, that's if we get back together. "And these girls just had to pop up
now, when things are still so messy." I pointed at my belly. I really felt bad for
them, by the looks of things they were not coming to a warm home.
Zweli: "I don't know what to say and your situation is depressing me." I laughed
Me: "Imagine what I am going through." I was numb when it came to my
relationship with my ex husband, I just went where the wind blew me. I took the
honey and drizzled it over my pancakes and took a bite "Ndumiso and I are A
Hopeless Situation." I giggled sarcastically because it was the truth, I didn't see a
way out of this.
Zweli: "I agree. I mean you two are divorced, living together while raising the boys
and also expecting twin girls in your already complicated situation." We laughed
"Not to mention that you have an obsessive ex-lover." I might agree with him,
Kelvin was a bit obsessive now. He looked at my ringing phone and shook his
head. "And oh he is also building you a dream house."
Me: "How did you know about that? And the house is not for me but his kids."
Zweli: "He hired Dube Construction to build it for him. Ndumiso has hope Musa,
he still calls you his wife."
Me: "I know." Deep down Ndumiso was also my husband but him and I needed to
grow and also change. "Now tell me about your life, what did I miss?" And he
started telling me about his non-existent love life. Zweli only had casual relations.
He also told me about his pharmaceutical company, he was really excited about it.
Me: "What drug are you focused?"
Zweli: "Marijuana pill." I popped my eyes "Our target is cancer patients and also
whoever wants it."
Me: "The uncles are on board with this?"
Zweli: "Its my idea, the Dube name has nothing to do with it." I nodded
Me: "The Dube still supplies most of the market's weed?" The Dubes weren't as
noble as they seemed. I was also shocked when I overheard a conversation
between my uncles and not only that, I saw a taxi full of it. The taxi fleet they
owned was to just move weed and not public transport, it was insane. While I was
snooping Zweli's father caught me and bribed me with a lot of money. That's how
I was even able to help Ndumiso out with his sisters sometimes. It was money for
my silence.
Zweli: "Yes and I have to ensure that it stays that way."
Me: "So I am guessing your visit is business related not that you missed me?" He
laughed
Ndu: "He's here to inspect the site where we building the house." He came out of
nowhere. And I hadn't seen him in 3 days. "Good people." He shook Zweli's hand
and came over to kiss my forehead.
Me: "You promised us 2 days Mthombeni." Ndu left the boys and I in the middle
of the night and said he'll be back in 2 days.
Ndu: "I know, something came up. I am sorry." I sulked "I'll make it up to you."
Me: "I am not interested." I wasn't, I felt like I couldn't rely on him. And that also
made me realize that I needed to keep myself busy because I was slowly
becoming a nagging wife. I needed to find something to keep busy with. I wasn't
used to just sitting and doing nothing, being a housewife wasn't going to work for
me.
Ndu: "I wont give up that easily." He kissed my forehead again and lips this time. I
couldn't help but smile.
Zweli: "I am leaving." We laughed "I'll go check on the boys that side then you'll
take me to the site."
Ndu: "Okay." They fist bumped and he left "Let's go get ready. I also need to
freshen up."
Me: "Do I have to go?" He nodded smiling "I am so lazy to take shower or a bath
for that matter. Just go without me I trust your judgement."
Ndu: "Nope. We are doing this together Omuhle, from start to finish." He was
getting annoyed
Me: "Okay run the bath for me so long." A few hours later we were at the site and
the sun was blazing hot. Ndu and Zweli were doing most of the talking and I was
just agreeing with everything. I didn't want to be there. "We'll have a backyard
with a garden and a few trees, right?"
Ndu: "A backyard?"
Me: "Yes so that my kids can play soccer and run around and maybe also set up a
jungle gym for the girls Mthombeni."
Zweli: "In that case, you can't have a club house." So Ndumiso didn't even make
provision for a backyard, it was a good thing I was there I guess.
Me: "Ndumiso you already have a man cave, what's the club house for and the
entertainment room has a bar?" He didn't need it.
Ndu: "So this site is not big enough?" Zweli nodded "How much space do you
need so I can get it?" Unbelievable!!
Me: "Ndu we both agreed on this neighborhood. It has schools close by and a
shopping centre is a walkable distance."
Ndu: "Omuhle this also my dream house and I don't want to settle for anything
less. We'll find something similar, don't worry."
Me: "All of this for a club house?" He nodded "Cha iyakushisa imali (you are on a
spending spree)." It was so unnecessary, his man cave was big enough to be an
office and whatever gadgets he wanted to put in there.
Ndu: "Vele (that I am)!" He went back to Zweli and I walked to the car. After a
while they came back
Zweli: "Call me once you have decided."
Ndu: "Sure!" He drove away and so did we "Are you not talking to me now?"
Me: "I am."
Ndu: "Omuhle you got your studio, why cant I get a club house?"
Me: "The studio is for my job, Ndumiso. It's not entertainment." In the plan I
included a studio, after giving birth I was planning on maybe becoming a fitness
trainer, I was still thinking about it though because I had to do something to take
my mind of things.
Ndu: "Well the club house is also for the gang, there are certain things we can talk
about at the warehouse and the man cave is in the house and I wont be
comfortable with the girls around." I didn't get it, why did it have to be at my
house?
Me: "Okay." I was really over that conversation, he was building that club house
whether I supported it or not. "So how did your outpatient appointment go?"
Staying clean was an ongoing process even after you've been released. He went
there for evaluation.
Ndu: "I rescheduled to later today, you want to come with me?"
Me: "Junior has a swimming competition today Ndumiso. Don't tell me you
forgot."
Ndu: "Shit!!" He looked at me "I am sorry. I'll call and reschedule again for
tomorrow morning."
Me: "We are meeting with the social worker Ndu tomorrow and you need that
evaluation letter together with the results of your uhm jah!" He laughed
Ndu: "Just say it, results of my urine sample."
Me: "Yes that."
Ndu: "Omuhle what is important right now is proving to the state that I am a fit
father and my boys are in good hands, there will be other swimming
competitions." He was right
Me: "Okay go to your appointment and I'll go the competition."
Ndu: "Yes! Let's divide and conquer!" He was crazy. "I love you." He made me
look at him "Omuhle I do, I belong with you."
Me: "Ndumiso I have been sleeping with someone." He clenched his jaw. He had
to know, I was done keeping secrets. "And ..."
Ndu: "SHUT THE FUCK UP OMUHLE! I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR IT!!" He drove
insanely fast until we got home
Me: "..." the normal me would've been trying to reason with him and also beg him
for forgiveness because back then I worshipped Ndumiso, he was my world but
the old Musa is dead and buried, the new one understands that things go wrong
and fall apart but that doesn't mean it's the end of the world. Whatever is on the
other side, my kids and I we'll face it and we'll be happy.
Ndu: "What about my babies Musomuhle huh? Have you once thought about
them? Are you that selfish that you'll risk your pregnancy JUST FOR DICK?" it was
more than just sex for me, I loved Kelvin's attention even at that moment a part
of me was a little happy about how persistent he was at getting my attention with
his endless calls and texts. It's fucked up I know but its the truth.
Me: "..." I didn't have an answer. Was what I did selfish?
Ndu: "Nxa yeses!!" He took his car keys and left. I made popcorn and orange juice
and went to watch tv. I didn't have the energy to care anymore, whatever
happens, happens that was my attitude.
=====
Alice: "How are things at home?"
Me: "Things are, I don't know. Ndumiso and I are roommates more than us trying
to fix things. And I am to blame for that because I am not receptive to idea just
yet."
Alice: "Kelvin?" She kept a straight face. I needed to be honest, therapy was all
about releasing our deepest truths
Me: "I went to his hotel last night." I was so embarrassed "The plan was to tell
him to stop calling me because him and I were done but he has this hold over me,
I don't know I just lose my myself when I am around him." She wrote something
down in her notebook.
Alice: "Musa what to you want?"
Me: "Don't you mean who do I want?"
Alice: "You can tell me but I also need you to tell me what is it that you want for
your life. Remember you had a plan when we started these sessions?"
Me: "Well, my choice will always be Ndumiso. Him and I share a history plus with
him I know what to expect. I could say Ndumiso has shifted from only choice to an
option since we divorced. As for Kelvin, he is this mystery that I so badly want to
tap into. Each and every encounter with him, somehow he manages to surprise
me." I giggled
Alice: "So you are with Kelvin for sex?" What no?
Me: "No, it's not just about sex."
Alice: "Tell me about the last serious conversation you had with him." She drank
her water "Better yet when was the last serious conversation you two had."
Me: "About two weeks ago. We were talking about the economy." She nodded
doubtfully
Alice: "Maybe I should be specific personal conversation. Does he know about the
reservation you have about this pregnancy? Do you know the exact reason why
he divorced his wife?" Why was Alice doing this to me. Kelvin never opens up, he
always somehow manages to scratch the surface and we move on from the topic.
Me: "Not everyone is comfortable with sharing their past Alice."
Alice: "I agree but have you asked yourself why they're not comfortable?" I shook
my head
Me: "Are you saying that Kelvin doesn't trust me?" She wrote something again
Alice: "No I didn't say that. I'd really like to focus the rest of today's session on you
telling me about your father. Your relationship with him when growing up." When
she mentioned my father Qophelo popped up but a nano second later I
remembered that Mnqobi is my biological father and our relationship was, weird.
Yes that's the word I'll go with, it was better than awkward or nonexistent.
Me: "Do we have to? I still have questions about what you think about my
relationship with Kelvin."
Alice: "My professional opinion is that you have daddy issues and the excitement
of being wanted by both your husband and another man comes from that. A
normal person would make a choice between the two and stick with it, hence I
asked you want you want. Your ex husband wants you back and is ready and
willing to put in the effort but you are the problem because you are lost in
whatever fantasy Kelvin has made you believe and you are not seeing the red
flags. My opinion is also based on the fact that you just dismissed us talking about
your father. In fact you have never said anything about him since you started
seeing me."
Me: "Mnqobi made me anyone's problem but his. A normal father would've tried
to fill the void in his child's life after the mother had died, right? But it's like he
died with her." All I had where his grandmother and mother together with his
twin brother and sisters, he just wasn't there. To me Mnqobi was that uncle who
only showed up on family occasions and spoilt the kids with money , I loved him
because he was generous with money. He was my bank basically.
Alice: "Keep talking." She gave me a glass of water and a box of tissues because
tears started coming out.
Me: "I grew up in a village in KZN and I was raised by my paternal great
grandmother and grandmother, my aunts also helped here and there but it was
his twin brother who took the responsibility of fathering me, til this day he still
puts his life on the line for me together with his wife. Mnqobi failed even at
coming to check up on me on weekends, that's what I can tell you about him. Him
and I are estranged." It's like the timer was waiting for me to finish my sentence.
"I have to go, thanks Alice." She stood up from her chair and came to hug me.
Alice: "Call me if you need to talk."
Me: "Okay." I left her office, depressed and on the verge of breakdown. I sat in my
car and I wanted to call someone, anyone. It times like that when I regretted not
having friends. Ndumiso was my friend and also my sisters. Without them I was
an island.
Voice: "Hello, Sisi is that you." I checked the screen, my finger landed on Sasa. She
was number 5 on my speed dial. "Sisi you are crying." I gathered enough strength
just so she could hear me.
Me: "If I book you a ticket can you come today, I cant be alone Sasa and Ndumiso
is not talking to me."
Sasa: "Sisi I am at school, I have to be signed out." Sometimes I forgot that she
was in matric. "Book it for 4pm, ill take a cab from school straight to the airport.
Can you hold on for me, hold on just 4 hours."
Me: "Okay."
Sasa: "Stay where you are and I'll send someone to fetch you, I dont want you
driving."
Me: "Okay thank you so much Sasa. Please dont tell anyone about this."
Sasa: "I got you." We hung up. I sat in my car and waited, and waited until a knock
came to my window
Guy: "I am Vumani Mkhize, Elihle said to fetch you." What?
Me: "Let me check with her."
Vumani: "Here's our conversation." He gave me his phone. I read them and called
Sasa, I didn't want to take chances
Sasa: "Has Vumani found you, I sent him your location."
Me: "Who is this fine young man Kusaselihle?" She giggled
Sasa: "Hayi Sisi, we'll talk when I get there, I'm in class wena!" It was her
boyfriend. Now that I was a bit calm I took a glance at this Vumani character. He
was a hot fuck boy. His hair, dress code definitely someone my sister would date.
Vumani: "You can take the passenger seat now." He gave me half a smile. I stood
up and I went to the other side
Me: "So whats the plan, what did your girlfriend say?" He chuckled
Vumani: "She asked me to baby sit you until she gets here."
Me: "I don't need a babysitter."
Vumani: "Okay, do you need anything. Food, water?"
Me: "Food and orange juice please."
Vumani: "Do you mind fast food, braai meat. I was planning on having it for
lunch."
Me: "Take us there already." He chuckled and drove in the direction I assumed.
We first bought juice then went to some chesanyama. "Make sure you count Sasa
otherwise she'll never forgive us."
Vumani: "I was planning to, Elihle's can guilt trip a person to suicide." We laughed.
We ended up sharing stories about my sister. T
He seemed like a decent kid. I mean he dropped everything he was doing to help
my sister out.
Vumani: "I am a dancer, I'm on a scholarship at AFDA."
Me: "You must be good, AFDA is big."
Vumani: "You must come to my show and judge for yourself."
Me: "I am definitely coming." My phone beeped "Oh look at that, our girl is on her
way to the airport."
Vumani: "I haven't seen her in a while, she is focused on her studies. She even
goes to study groups on weekends."
Me: "She wants to be an engineer and she needs great marks for that. You should
take pride in having a girlfriend who has big dreams and also putting in the work
to make it happen. Or you want her to depend on you?"
Vumani: "Of course not, I just dont want her main focus to be chasing her dreams
and forget making me a priority. Even now she is coming for you and not for me."
Haibo, what was this boy saying?
Me: "Vumani you have matric, my sister doesn't yet. You should understand that.
This is a very important year for her, its the foundation for the rest her life and
she needs to put in all she has." I also felt bad for making her fly all the way for my
grown up ass.
Vumani: "I am understanding."
Me: "It didn't sound like you were a minute ago." I stood up "I think I should drive
to the airport now. Thank you for babysitting me."
Vumani: "Look, I didn't mean anything I said. It came out wrong. I love Elihle
please don't tell her about our conversation."
Me: "That's the first thing I am going to do. You don't have my sister's best
interest. Bye." I walked back to my car and I made sure I take the meat with me. I
drove to the airport and waited until she called, I went to meet her by her gate.
She came looking like the high school kid she was, neat school uniform and
cornrows but her social media said otherwise, she was all about weaves and make
up. Mamazi wasn't about her life, weaves were for holidays and some weekends
Sasa: "Omw you are bigger than the last time I saw you." She laughed at her own
joke and we hugged. It was so good to see her. Kusaselihle turned any situation
into a joke, in a way it was comforting for some of us. She bought out the best in
people, she was the kind of person you loved having around for her bad jokes to
her dramatic gestures and horse voice "I was worried about you sisi, what's wrong
and where is Vumani, I told him not to let you drive?"
Me: "I am fine, I left him. He's an interesting character, where did you two meet?"
Sasa: "Some show that Thando and I went to."
Me: "He's from Durban?"
Sasa: "Yes, he's here because of school, so what do you think of him, he's great
isn't he?" Gosh she was so in love, I didn't want to piss on her happiness but what
kind of big sister would I be if I don't guide my sister
Me: "Its nice to have a boyfriend and someone to depend on but don't make him
your world, make yourself a priority as well that's all I am saying."
Sasa: "Am I missing something?"
Me: "I am your big sister Kusaselihle I have to help you make the right choices,
choices that will help you become a better person."
Sasa: "Ncooh you sound like uMaDube right now. Well I appreciate your guidance
mntase, thank you for looking out for me."
Me: "Thank you for coming, it means a lot to me."
Sasa: "You were crying Musomuhle, I didn't have a choice. Now tell me who hurt
you so I can deal with him accordingly!" Should I say Mnqobi, but how will my
sister ever respect him if she knew what he put me through?
Me: "No one hurt me, therapy was brutal today and I didn't want to be alone and
your #5 on my speed dial and my finger landed there."
Sasa: "I am really sorry, mamazi says therapy heals the soul so you on the right
track to healing. Don't give up just yet, it was a bad day not a bad life." I giggled
Me: "Now who sounds like MaDube?" We laughed
Sasa: "Yooh that woman might talk nonstop but she makes a lot of sense."
Me: "She is a wise woman." I looked at her "What do you want us to do?"
Sasa: "Take us to the mall, I need an outfit or outfits because you bought me her."
Me: "No problem." And she started taking selfies and updating her social media. If
you wanted to find out what was happening in Sasa's life go to her social media,
she was that girl.
Sasa: "Hlehle is calling, I'll put it on loudspeaker."
Hlelo: " Aaaaaaah you in town!!" She screamed "I am so happy, I missed you."
Sasa: "Yes, mother of The King. Princess KG has landed." I laughed so loud, she
was so full of herself
Hlelo: "Omw where are you so I can join and well have the Gumede Sisters
united."
Me: "I love the sound of that, we on our way to Eastgate mall."
Hlelo: "I am right behind you."
Me: "Hlelo make sure the boys do their homework."
Hlelo: "Don't worry Lunathi just sat down with them." Man was I glad they
existed, all three of them. Lakhe and Hlelo were responsible for taking and
fetching them from school and Lunathi helped with homework or they exchanged
roles. I was really lucky to have them. Just like that the Gumede sisters reunited,
my mood really improved at Sasa's arrival. Things got better when Hlelo arrived,
we had an unplanned fun night from dinner to movies and later we had a
sleepover in Hlelo's room and The King wasn't happy. Sbonga was too dependent
on Hlelo, it wasn't healthy anymore.
Nosi: "You guys, I feel so left out." She wanted to cry. We decided to Skype her
and now I feel we shouldn't have.
Me: "It wasn't the plan, this was to also include you."
Sasa: "You coming for graduation so we'll have another day like this and we'll also
include Qhawekazi." We laughed
Nosi: "I sometimes forget about her, she's not even a year old."
Hlelo: "Qhawekazi is going to deny her parents I tell you." We were in stitches
Me: "No guys stop it." It was really a fun night and I felt better but deep down I
knew this was only the beginning, I had to face this until it doesn't hurt anymore.
Nosi: "Guys I am still at work, we'll talk tomorrow. I love you Infinity." She blew us
kisses
Us: "We love you too." We ended the call and we sat in silence
Me: "Hlehle I want to set up a will and you are my lawyer."
Them: "Huh?"
Me: "In fact let me get Ndumiso here so he is also aware." I called him and turns
out he was downstairs. "Let's go he's here." We all went downstairs, they had a
lot of questions
Ndu: "Is everything okay?"
Me: "I am fine and the babies are fine. I want to set up a will in case things go
south when I give birth."
Ndu: "Please don't talk like that."
Me: "Ndumiso please, I am begging you please take care of my children, even
when you have married someone else and have moved on make her understand
that the kids come first." I held his hands "please promise me Mthombeni."
Ndu: "I promise but Omuhle now is..."
Me: "I just want to be prepared Ndumiso. Hlelo all the money has to be divided
four ways or I should set up a trust fund?"
Hlelo: "Sisi I cant sit here and help you draw up your will, I am not objective right
now."
Sasa: "Sisi what is really going on?"
Me: "You all know my mother died during my birth right?" They nodded "I am
carrying that ordeal with me throughout this pregnancy. I can't shake the fear of
history repeating itself and the thought of my girls ending up like me is paralyzing
and the way things are between us Ndumiso, I have so many reservations."
Ndu: "Guys can you please give us some space."
Hlelo: "Sisi we are here for you no matter what."
Me: "I know and thank you." They both hugged me and left. I was left sobbing in
Ndumiso's chest. I eventually gathered the strength to talk "I am not fine."
Ndu: "Me too." We stood in that hugging position for a long time "I need you to
stop sleeping with him." It took everything in him to say that.
Me: "Okay." I looked at him "It wasn't my intention to hurt you baby, I don't know
I wasn't thinking straight and he gave me the attention I have been missing."
Ndu: "I am back and I want to give my attention but you just wont let me."
Me: "I'll end things with him and can we just get through this pregnancy. Between
therapy and growing humans I am exhausted at the bottom of my heart
exhausted." He chuckled
Ndu: "Okay, we should start buying baby things don't you think?"
Me: "We should. Let's go to bed." We took the walk to my parents' house "Alice
asked me about my relationship with Mnqobi."
Ndu: "Baby you don't have a relationship with him, ever since I have known your
family Qophelo was your father. I was shocked when you told me."
Me: "I know. Is it too late for me to have one?"
Ndu: "Not at all."
Me: "I didn't know I was holding on to so much hurt, I am not angry I am just
really heartbroken by how he lived like I didn't exist."
Ndu: "I am sure he had his reasons."
Me: "I'd really like to hear them someday. Let's sleep."
Ndu: "Goodnight."
======
Woman: "So you are the one all over my husband's call log?" I was so confused,
what husband was this woman talking about?
Me: "Excuse me mam, I think you have me confused with someone else." She
giggled unpleasantly
Woman: "I am anything but confused, I hope with every fibre in my body that
Kelvin is not the father of the thing you are carrying." KELVIN???
Me: "Did you say Kelvin, I thought he was divorced."
Woman: "Listen here, slut!! You are not going to come here and threaten my
children and I's stability. Kelvin Shoba is mine and he'll die belonging to me. You
can open those skinny legs from here to Timbuktu, I dont care but know this,
Rethabile Shoba is not a woman you want to mess with. Caio now!" She left
smiling vindictively.
Me: "What just happened?" This woman came out of nowhere, I had just entered
a prenatal yoga class. Kelvin wasn't divorced? "What have I gotten myself into?" I
didn't even sign in I drove straight to his hotel.
Reception: "Mr Shoba is in the dining area." I took my pregnant self there, that
day he was going to know me.
Kelvin: "Cupcake, I wasn't expecting you." He opened his arms
Me: "DO NOT TOUCH ME KELVIN." He was shocked "Rethabile came to see me.
How the hell did she know about me, I thought you were divorced?"
Kelvin: "Baby hear me out. I was planning to leave her but I didn't have the guts
until you came. Last month I told her about us and I served her with divorce
papers, I am guessing she is not happy about it."
Me: "..." this guy was so unbelievable. So after such a revelation he was still
thinking that him and I will be a happy family? "There is no you and me Kelvin.
There never was, I mean you've been lying to me this whole time, how do you
think I am ever going to trust you ever again?"
Kelvin: "I am really sorry for lying to you, I didn't plan on falling for you like this
Musa. To me it was all about fun and games but you surprised me. You weren't
what I expected you to be"
Me: "I am leaving. Don't ever contact me again."
Kelvin: "Musa wait, I am sorry. Can we please talk in my room, people are looking
at us."
Me: "There's nothing to talk about Kelvin."
Kelvin: "Just 5 minutes of your time and I'll never bother you ever again."
Me: "..." I hesitated "Just 5 minutes." And we went to his room. He started telling
me about the plan he had of us just leaving the country and starting over in a
different country. It was clear that he didn't know and he wasn't trying to. I was
happy being here and I didn't need to start over. I ended up dosing off on that
couch because I was so bored, is to why I agreed to hear him out, I also don't
know. I woke up and he was also asleep and I decided to sneak out. I got to my
car and I deleted all our conversations and I blocked and deleted all his numbers.
That day I finally closed the chapter called Kelvin Shoba.
======
Police Officer: "Miss Gumede would you kindly join us and we'll finish this topic at
the station." Two police officers were at my doorstep
Me: "What, why?"
Police Officer: "Its regarding the murder of business mogul Kelvin Shoba,
according to the staff at the hotel he frequented you were the last person seen
with him." I was a suspect, oh my this shit just keeps on getting deeper.
Me: "Kelvin is dead?" Who wanted Kelvin dead and was this a set up?
Junior: "Mamiza is everything okay."
Me: "Baby call daddy and tell him I went to" I looked at the police officers "What
station?"
Police Officer: "Rosebank police station."
Me: "Yes. Mpendulo call daddy and tell him May 28." It was our wedding date, it
was code for I need help.
Mpendulo: "Okay."
Me: "My kids are watching please hide those things." I was talking about the
handcuffs. The lead me to the car "While you at it I want to call my lawyer." I
knew my rights and having Hlelo around helped. She always emphasized on not
talking until I was represented innocent or not.
Them: "Shit!!" How was I going to get myself out of this mess was the question,
just when I thought Kelvin Shoba was in my rear view, he gets murdered and I was
#1 on the suspect list.
Me: "Jah neh, A Hopeless Situation."