NOT SO INNOCENT

a bay falls high novel

JAXSON KIDMAN
 Contents

Welcome to
NOT SO Innocent
prologue
one
two
three
four
five
six
seven
eight
nine
ten
eleven
twelve
thirteen
fourteen
fifteen
sixteen
seventeen
eighteen
nineteen
twenty
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Welcome to

He lowered his lips down to my ear. “What I see, I can’t whisper, from the window, the stars, I can’t
reach. They dance in silence, when they collide, we all know, but I’m left here, alone, just trying to
whisper. Once.”
My knees buckled.
He studied the fucking page in the notebook for ten seconds and memorized what I wrote?
“See you tonight, doll,” he whispered.

***
Written by Jaxson Kidman
NOT SO Innocent
First they choose you.
Then they use you.
Next they lose you...

My name is Belle.
But I'm not beautiful.
I'm the b*tch.
I'm the beast.
And nothing gets to me.

Except "Them" ...

That's what they are.

Them.
They're not that other place with the fancy and cool bad boy name.
Here, it's Them.

I may have met my match with Them.

But so have they.

Now it's my turn...

I'm going to choose Them.

I'm going to use Them.
And I'm going to lose Them.

And they will never forget me.

prologue
(everything I know…)

what you said,

what did you mean?
what you showed me,
was it to be seen?
how the fuck am I,
supposed to escape you…
when’s there’s more than one that I want?

Make sure you know everything before you make this fucking stupid choice.
Like I needed to be told it was a fucking stupid choice.
No shit, bitch.
I rolled my eyes and took a pause behind the wheel of a car that was worth more than anything in
my life. And I mean anything I had ever seen, owned, lived in, touched, tasted… all added together.
I still wasn’t used to any of it.
There was no use in crying about it though.
I was now some rich bitch princess and there wasn’t much I could do about it.
My new reputation was something else too.
I took a deep breath and sat in the blood red glow of the lights inside the car as I reached across
the seat for a cigarette.
It was such a bitchy thing to do.
To smoke inside a car like this.
Oh well.
I cracked the window an inch or two and smoked.
Everything that was wrong with it made me want it even more.
Just. Like. Them.
What I knew drove me crazy.
What I didn’t know drove me insane.
Trust me, bitch, there’s a difference.
I wasn’t even sure if I enjoyed the cigarette because my head and heart jumped to the dashboard
and played a game of hopscotch.
Remember those days, B? Listening to stupid teachers talk about stupid stuff, counting down
the minutes until recess. Running through the door, screaming, knowing you only had a little bit of
time to do everything. The monkey bars. The jungle gym. The slide that made everything staticky
and then touching the metal handles of the steps and getting zapped. Running to the stupid
basketball hoops where the stupid boys played and playing hopscotch until you needed a drink of
water.
 I let out a long sigh that tasted like a sense of nostalgia that I was supposed to be too damn young
to feel.
But there it was, with my heart and head…
I put the window down the rest of the way and flicked my cigarette to the road. It jumped three
times and then stopped, smoke dancing up into the air.
If I was going to do this shit, then it was now or never.
My lies were told.
They were spread thick where needed and thin where needed too.
The words… they just…
Please, B, please. You have to know… ah, fuck, okay. Listen to me. I have a plan. But you have
to do it. Not me. Okay?
“Okay,” I said.
I rolled up the window and peeled out onto the road.
I grinned at the sudden speed of the car.
It was a dark bitch just like me.
I pulled into the parking lot and had to be very careful of the cameras.
On top of that, I made sure to have a hoodie with me.
It wasn’t my hoodie.
It certainly wasn’t my size either.
It was something like a decoy, but whatever.
Either this worked or it didn’t.
There was no turning back.
Not when I left the car and took the baseball bat that also wasn’t mine.
They certainly love their baseball team, huh?
I snorted under my breath as I ran toward the building.
I knew right where I needed to be.
And I knew what I needed to do.
I stretched my neck and lifted the bat into the night’s sky.
“Batter up, motherfucker,” I whispered.
I swung the bat against the window.
one

“You totally made out with Anthony last night.”

“I did not.”
“Yes. You. Did. You were tongue fucking him and you know it.”
“Shut the fuck up.”
“I’m not going to shut the fuck up. It’s the truth. Own it. Why’s it a big deal? Oh, wait, did he tell
you he needs to sneak around? Because of Allie? Seriously? They aren’t technically dating.”
“I don’t do technically.”
I finally chimed in. “Technically… you do.”
“Burn,” Taylor said with a laugh.
She reached across Grace’s chest to offer me a high five.
Grace knocked her hand away. “Well, whatever. It’s fun for me.”
“Fun?” Taylor asked. “Sneaking around like a slut.”
“You should talk,” Grace said. “You and your math tutor… your grades are supposed to go up, not
down.”
“I don’t care as the grades are the only thing going down,” I said.
“Oh… shiiiiit,” Grace said.
“You’re a bitch,” Taylor said to me. “Plus, she can say all she wants. Until she actually
experiences it… please.”
They both looked at me. My face turned red. Bright red. Like it always did when they talked about
that stuff.
But the truth was…
“Leave her alone,” Grace said. “It’s cool that she’s all intact.”
“Yeah, thanks for that,” I said.
There was silence for ten seconds.
Because I counted the seconds.
Sarah was waiting for us across the street, leaning against a bank that wasn’t open yet.
Smoking a cigarette.
Thankfuckinggod.
I took the lead and hurried toward her.
I probably looked like some addict looking for their next high.
Which was kind of what it was…
Sarah gave me a cigarette and I lit it up.
Another stupid petty thing about myself that was made up… me convincing myself that my mother
didn’t know I smoked.
She knew.
She knew back when I was fifteen and she caught me and grounded me.
And now I was able to smoke freely, labeled as an adult, even though I still had to finish up my
last year of class to then be sent into the real world. Or college. But for me, it would be the real
world.
 “What did I miss?” Sarah asked.
“Dirty Grace over here,” Taylor said with a head nod.
“Oh, I like it. What’s the story?”
“Kissing a taken man,” I said.
“He’s not taken!” Grace yelled.
“Oh, is this the story of you and Anthony again? You’re still sneaking around?”
“Still?” Taylor asked.
“Drama,” I whispered.
“You like the thrill of it,” Sarah said to Grace. “It’s cool. And if Allie gets wind of it, she’ll
probably cry. She doesn’t throw punches.”
“If she cries, she can take the tissues out of her bra,” Grace said.
“Wow,” I said.
“Not a lie either,” Grace said. “Anthony told me it was true.”
“Whoa, wait a second,” Taylor said. “Meeting up with Anthony to suck face is one thing…”
“What else did you suck?” Sarah asked.
Grace rolled her eyes.
“I have a point to make here,” Taylor said.
Grace put her hands up and stepped away. “Give the girl some space to rip me apart some more.”
“Thank you,” Taylor said. “Now… it’s one thing to meet up with Anthony and play where did my
finger disappear to? … but it’s a whole other thing to talk about his girlfriend while you’re doing it.”
“That’s it?” Sarah asked.
“Yeah,” Taylor said.
“First off, he doesn’t have a girlfriend,” Grace said. “And we didn’t talk about Allie. He made a
few comments a few times.”
“To smooth you over,” I said.
“Like you’ve been smooth anywhere,” Grace said.
“I’d rather be a virgin than have a flashing neon red OPEN sign between my legs,” Sarah said.
“It only flashes red one week a month,” Taylor said.
“Wouldn’t it flash CLOSED?” Sarah asked.
“Depends on how crazy Grace is,” Taylor said.
“Grace is right here hearing this!” Grace yelled.
They all laughed.
I forced myself to join in.
Sarah nudged her elbow at me and winked.
We finally made our way to the set of cracked concrete steps and Sarah and I had to slink back
and ditch our cigarettes in the giant bushes out front.
Taylor and Grace kept walking, giving us the peace sign, calling us bitches.
Sarah did the same until their backs faced us and then she exchanged the peace sign for a middle
finger.
“I hate them sometimes,” Sarah said. “Half the time I don’t believe a word they say.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I said. “They’re neighbors to me. It’s someone to talk to on my walk.”
“Whatever,” Sarah said. “Ready to hit the prison?”
“Parole is coming soon,” I said.
We laughed and walked into the building.
It was far from prison, obviously, but some parts were just… blah.
 I walked the same path I had walked day after day. So much so that I didn’t need to look where to
go. So much so it was like I lost track of myself and time. There were mornings when I could get to
my locker, open it, and walk to class and not realize it. The only time that didn’t happen was when I
bumped into Grayson.
Gray.
But that was just recent.
Well, that and today.
“Holy shit,” Sarah said, breaking me out of my post cigarette, early morning trance.
“What happened?” I asked.
“Uh… shit. Your locker…”
I turned my head.
Then my entire body turned.
And I began to step backwards.
Until my back hit the wall.
I covered my mouth.
I felt my face burning red hot.
I felt everyone staring.
Stopping and staring.
Then came the applause.
Then came the chatter.
I looked at Sarah and she had an eek face going that made everything twice as worse.
On my locker was bright red V.
I heard whispers.
Finally.
About time for her.
You realize how old she is, right?
I could never wait that long…
“Hey, Belle, it’s okay,” Sarah said. “Let’s get out of here.”
She slipped an arm around me.
I felt nothing.
But I saw everything.
Grayson appeared, casually walking by my locker.
He reached with his left pointer finger and swiped across the red paint of the V.
He then showed me his finger and winked.
He was the one who…
I covered my mouth. “I’m going to be sick.”
“I’m here with you,” Sarah whispered. “But you have to tell me what the hell happened…”
Grayson walked away whistling.
Showing himself as the guy he swore he’d never be.
And I was stupid enough to fall for it.
So he could get what he wanted.
But the worst part?
That wasn’t the craziest part of my day.
two

They want to talk.

That was my cue to get the hell out of there.
I didn’t want to talk to anyone.
Because the questions they asked… there were no real answers. And there were no real actions.
The screws would be twisted deeper and tighter. And it would end up being my fault. Or they’d end
up calling my mother, which would only set off another chain reaction of hell right at home, which I
did not need at all.
Somewhere in my brain there was a mental countdown.
Sarah and I had joked about getting an apartment together. Living where we did, it wasn’t all that
expensive. If we both pulled off some extra hours at a couple part-time jobs, we could do it. But
Sarah had been casually hinting about getting out of town after graduation.
Which she needed to do.
Which we all needed to do.
There was no reason to talk about the painted red V on my locker. Everyone who saw it, knew
what it meant. And the fact that Grayson did it… all things considered… just proved that everyone in
some kind of fucked up way was worried about what kind of business was being conducted between
my legs.
That in itself made me feel gross and that’s why I had to get out of there.
I knew Sarah wasn’t going to let me go easily.
She was right on my tail - or my ass - and she slipped her hand into mine.
“Come with me,” she said.
She started to jog and I had to follow.
I hated to jog. I hated to run. When it came to being forced into running the mile, I would walk.
Anyone who dared to question me would get a lecture about the discarding of the lining of the uterus,
which included tissue and blood… also known as Shark Week.
That always shut them up.
Sarah took me to the other side of what used to be the swimming pool. A time when the town had
money and the pool had water. Now it was empty, stained, and there were enough scary stories about
what happened there going around for all of October. Which happened every year.
Without a word, Sarah gave me a cigarette.
“Thank you,” I said. “I left mine at home. It was a morning…”
“Seems that way,” she said.
“Just my mother and Joff.”
“Joff,” Sarah said. “Are you positive it’s not supposed to be Jeff?”
“Maybe, but he says it’s Joff,” I said. “He even writes it with an o.”
“Maybe his handwriting is sloppy…”
“Does it really matter?”
Sarah shrugged her shoulders. “Your step daddy is named Joff.”
“Save that,” I said. “He is not my stepfather. You know how my mother is with guys. It’s…
whatever. I need to go home. They should be gone by now. I just need the day.”
“I’ll come with you,” Sarah said. “We’ll order food on my credit card and then watch something
dirty so your mother gets pissed when the cable bill comes.”
I laughed. “No more cable, Sarah. Or internet.”
“Shit. Really?”
“No money, no ‘net,” I said with a snort.
“Oh well. We’ll still have fun.”
“Sarah, you’re not coming with me.”
“Why not?”
“You can’t skip,” I said. “You’re on your last strike. And it’s serious. You spent all that time with
Glen.”
“Glen,” Sarah said. “The name should have been warning enough.”
“Point is… I’m fine. I just want to go home and be alone. I need a second to get mad at myself
over Gray. How I could have been so stupid to fall for that charm.”
“If he painted that on your locker, then he’s a bigger fuckhead than I ever thought,” Sarah said.
“And I will find a way to make his life a living hell.”
“Let him have his moment.”
“I know what he wrote is…”
A ding! ding! sound echoed and I nodded. “You have to go.”
“Are you sure about this?”
“You can’t get kicked out because of me,” I said.
“Text me when you can.”
“I will.”
Sarah and I were best friends - or something like it - but we didn’t hug. We didn’t have a secret
handshake. We didn’t do sleepovers. In fact the whole idea of ordering food on a credit card and
watching a dirty movie… that never happened and never would.
We were just two girls who moved around a lot and settled here for longer than five minutes and
connected on that.
She took off back to class and I took off back home.
If that’s what you wanted to call it.

***

The apartment building was right on the main street in town. A bright yellow building with two
apartments downstairs and one upstairs. The one that was upstairs was the biggest, complete with its
own second floor… which technically was the third floor.
We lived in the front in an apartment on the first floor.
The one with the bay window that had a big crack from corner to corner that was going to be fixed
over a year ago.
I had learned to live with the noise of the main street which rarely quieted, even after midnight.
Not to mention the punk ass kids who walked outside and made noise like everyone was deaf.
Also, I sort of became one of those punk ass kids, just out of habit. Not that I was a kid or
anything. And not that I had to sneak out. I would walk out the front door at one in the morning with a
wave and meet up with Sarah. We’d walk, talk, smoke, laugh, and kill time for a few hours.
My reminder to myself was that I was an adult.
And that once I graduated, it would all change.
I opened the heavy door and smelled the mustiness of the foyer.
I reached for the metal doorknob to our apartment that was also loose and slippery. It still made
me shiver. Because your hand would smell like old metal after touching it. It was fucking gross.
When I opened the apartment door, I heard the wail of a siren outside.
And then I heard the wail of my mother.
Crying.
But not her normal woe is me kind of cry.
This was a different kind of cry.
A painful cry.
I grabbed my cellphone and ran through the living room and looked toward the kitchen.
My mother was on the floor.
Face down.
“Mom,” I said.
She put her hands flat to floor and pushed up a little and turned her head.
Her eyes were wide.
And her face…
“Now let’s try talking again,” Joff’s voice said.
He emerged from the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his hands as he dried them.
My eyes looked to the floor. To my mother. Back to Joff.
I lost my breath and held out my cellphone like it was some kind of magic wand that would make
this all go away.
The sad part is that it wasn’t my first time seeing this kind of thing.
But still…
“She has a problem with her mouth, Belle,” Joff said so calm and cool. “Nobody taught her to not
talk back.”
My stomach rolled like a wave in a hurricane.
I was going to throw up.
“Belle, get out of here,” Mom said. “Run. Get out of here. They’re coming…”
Before I could ask who they were, I realized the sound of the police sirens were louder. I turned
my head and saw the flashing of the red and blue lights against the thin laced curtains.
“You are one stupid bitch,” Joff said.
He turned and ran for the back door.
“Stop!” I managed to yell.
Joff looked back at me and lifted his middle finger.
The apartment door busted open and in ran two police officers.
I put my hands up like I had done something wrong.
They spotted Joff and went after him.
One of them radioed for extra help.
The second officer stopped at my mother and then radioed for EMS.
Someone touched my shoulder and I let out a scream.
I turned and swung.
And as my hand was an inch away from another officer’s face, I let out another scream.
 I was going to end up in jail too.

***

I didn’t hit Officer Jack.

Which was good.
Even if I did, he promised me he wouldn’t have done anything to me.
He got me out of the apartment and made me sit on the only step that separated the apartment
building from the sidewalk.
Mom was inside getting looked at by the paramedics.
And as I sat there, hugging myself, rocking back and forth, trying to figure out what the hell just
happened, I watched as two officers brought Joff from the side of the building.
I stood up and felt my chin quivering.
He wasn’t trying to fight them.
Cuffs on his wrists, his hands behind his back, blood on the front of his shirt.
I started to walk toward him.
The two officers didn’t see me coming.
Officer Jack had turned his back for a minute to talk to one of the paramedics. They also wanted
to know what to do with me, which was funny because once they realize how old I was, there was
nothing to do with me. I could walk away on my own and that was that.
But first…
I got as close as I could to Joff.
One of the officers saw me and put a hand out.
I didn’t know what else to do so I spit at Joff.
And it was the most epic snot spit of all time. Just like in a movie, my spit flew through the air
with accuracy and hit him in the right eye.
Officer Jack was suddenly there, blocking my way to Joff.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” he growled at me. “Do you want me to arrest you?”
“You saw what he did to my mother,” I said. “He deserves more than a little spit in his eye.”
“Let us handle it,” Officer Jack said.
“Yeah? What does that mean?”
Officer Jack looked around. “I get it, Miss Bablebit.”
I cringed at the sound of my last time.
“Belle,” I said. “Please…”
“Belle,” Officer Jack said.
He motioned for the step again and I walked there with my hands up.
Belle Bablebit.
Which was so conveniently turned into Bablebitch.
But whatever.
I couldn’t change my last name. Unless I got married.
That made me laugh.
Then I’d be just like my mother, right?
She didn’t know how to stay single. Ever.
 It was her life’s goal to forever be involved with someone.
Just like this Joff thing. He was a total asshole from the day I met him. My mother worked behind
the bar at a country club and Joff was the douchebag with cash to spend and just like that they were in
love. And to Joff, my mother was a toy.
But now he was in the back of a cop car and my mother was getting ice for her eye.
Bra-fucking-vo.
I stood up from the step and looked around.
The main street was jammed with slow moving traffic because of my mother.
Everyone slowed when they saw police lights.
Then they went slower to see the action.
Officer Jack pointed to me.
“I’m not doing anything dumb,” I said. “I’m going to leave.”
“Not yet,” he said.
“I don’t want to be here,” I said. “I don’t want to see any more than I have. I told you everything
already.”
“You came home because of a stomachache, right?”
Well, when the tissue and blood…
I wasn’t going to fake my period to a cop.
But I was cool with lying about a stomachache.
Although… I did feel sick after what I just saw.
“Belle. Belle, where are you?”
I turned my head and saw my mother being wheeled out on a stretcher.
I covered my mouth and felt my eyes fill with tears.
“What’s happening to her?” I asked.
“She’s saying her chest feels heavy,” one of the paramedics said.
“What?”
Another paramedic blocked my view for a second. “My guess is it’s panic. But we have to be
safe. We’re going to take her to the hospital to be evaluated.”
“Am I supposed to go with her?”
“You can if you want.”
“Belle, be safe!” my mother yelled. “You deserve more. You deserve better. She’ll take care of
you.”
I didn’t even get a chance to say anything to my mother. Touch her hand. Kiss her forehead. Tell
her I loved her. And that was all my doing. I just stood there, confused, wondering what she was
talking about.
The ambulance pulled away.
The police cars were almost all gone.
It was just Officer Jack left.
He was at least parked against the curb and his lights were on.
I stood on the sidewalk, not sure what to do.
Where to go.
What to think or say.
I wanted to text Sarah, but I wasn’t even sure where to start.
She knew bits and pieces about my mother. She understood that my mother feared being alone.
That she needed to be in a relationship and that most were shitty. And by shitty I meant short-lived.
Or with a married man. Or a guy who cheated.
Not this stuff…
I looked back at the apartment building again.
When I looked forward, a small, sleek black car pulled up behind Officer Jack’s police SUV. It
was all black. The body of the car. The windows. The rims. The logo of the car was all black too. I
had no idea what kind of car it was.
It looked expensive.
Officer Jack let out a whistle. “Don’t see that kind of car around here. Jesus Christ. That thing is
worth two hundred grand. Easily.”
“What?!” I yelled. “A car can cost that much?”
“Belle? Is that you?”
Officer Jack pointed and I looked back to the car again.
A woman stood outside the car.
Her black sunglasses matched the car.
Along with her black clothes.
She hurried toward the sidewalk. “Where’s Michelle?”
“They took her away in an ambulance,” I said.
“Going to Mercy, I assume. I’ll make some calls later.”
“That’s a nice car you have there,” Officer Jack said. “Not sure that kind of tinting is legal.”
The woman peeled off her sunglasses.
She was gorgeous.
I’m talking super model gorgeous.
Tall, skinny, an amazing chest, clothes that hugged every curve in a way that made me flustered
just to be near her. Her heels were like ten feet high and she stood with poise.
Her skin was tan and her eyes were dark brown. And her hair was as black as the car.
“Are you going to write me a ticket?” she asked. “Because if so, just fucking do it. Okay? My old
best friend called me to tell me some guy was beating the hell out of her. Mind you I was in surgery
this morning at six. So do you really want to waste my time?”
“You’re a doctor?” Officer Jack asked.
“Dr. Thornburn,” the woman said. “Jovi Thornburn if you need my full name to do whatever you
have to do. If you’re done here, then I’m going to let Belle pack a bag and then get her out of this
bullshit situation her mother put her in.”
“You realize Miss Bablebit is an adult…”
Dr. Thornburn looked at me. Then back to Officer Jack. “And she’s going to make her own
decision then. Now, the real question here is this… how threatened are you by a woman who is worth
more than you’ll ever be in life? And how threatened are you by the fact that the car behind me is
actually my junker car?”
Officer Jack showed his hands. He let out a loud breath. He looked at me. “Good luck, Miss
Bablebit.”
“Belle,” I said.
“Belle,” Dr. Thornburn said to get my attention.
My eyes moved to her.
“You have no idea who I am, do you?” she asked.
“No.”
“Did you read fairy tales as a kid?”
 “Yeah.”
“I’m your fairy godmother,” she said. “Time to get the fuck out of here, Belle. At least for a little
while.”
I swallowed hard and nodded.
She was like a fairy godmother sent straight from hell.
three

I packed a bag and I left.

I asked Dr. Thorburn where she lived and she told me to call her Jo. And that if I ever called her
Dr. Jo she would make what Joff did to my mother look like a small scratch.
It was scary as fuck.
And I sat in the front seat of the most expensive vehicle I had ever seen and hugged my bag tight.
Jo told me she lived where it was called Bay Falls High… East.
She said I’d figure out about East vs West soon enough.
She drove fast.
Yellow lights were green to her.
Red lights she’d slow and gently coast through if she was the first in line.
Stop signs didn’t count.
If a sign said NO TURN ON RED that meant speed up and turn hard.
We were in the car for five minutes before I felt a panic attack start to slide through me.
Jo sensed it and pulled into the parking lot of a gas station.
“Belle, take a deep breath,” she said. Her voice was calm. Soothing. Like she had no fears and no
worries ever. “I can feel you radiating over to my side of the car. First off, it’s just a fucking car.
Second off, it’s just fucking money.”
I looked at her. “Not when you don’t have either.”
“Well now you do,” she said. “What do you want? Name an amount and it’s yours. Name a car
and I’ll buy it. Deal?”
I shook my head. “No. You’re my mother’s best friend?”
“Former,” she said. “That’s a long story in itself. One that requires alcohol to tell.” Jo took her
sunglasses off and sighed. “But your eyes are begging for it.”
“I skipped class and came home to my mother being beaten by the guy she was dating,” I said.
“And it’s not the first time it’s happened. She always-”
“Needs to be in a relationship,” Jo said.
“Yeah. How did…”
Jo reached across the car and took my hand. “We were best friends growing up. We used to smoke
cigarettes together outside of school. I quit smoking though. Apparently it’s bad for you. And working
as a surgeon, it feels fucked up to tell people how to live when I’m living the same lie.”
“I smoke,” I said. “And I’m not quitting.”
“Good for you, Belle. Nobody likes a quitter.”
Who the hell are you?
I tilted my head and opened my mouth, but had no response.
“Look, we were young. Best friends. And I watched her do the same thing. Boy after boy. Always
looking for love. Okay? I found love. She found love. Things happened. Life moves on. I went left.
She went right. Okay? My path took me to business school first. I decided to make a killing in the
stock market. Had more money than I could ever spend. I went back to my childhood home to find the
owner on the floor. Dead. His heart said peace the fuck out. So I decided to go to medical school.
Wanted to figure out what happened. And you know what I learned?”
I swallowed hard. “What?”
“Shit happens in life,” Jo said. “Your mother went to the right. She thought her path was going to
be finding a guy, have a family, and enjoy life.”
“That worked out,” I said.
“She had you.”
“She doesn’t even know who my father is,” I said. “Did she ever tell you that?”
Jo frowned. “I know more than you think. We never reconnected the way we hoped. But we did
keep in touch. She called me this morning and begged me to come get you. She said things there
weren’t good. I think she knew more about you than you realize, Belle. She was also afraid of that
guy. Joff. And I’m telling you this… she’s going to be okay. I’ll make sure she’s taken care of in the
hospital. I’ll make sure she gets into a new apartment and gets a chance to pick a different path. I’ll
make sure Joff is handled accordingly too. See, when you save someone’s life, they suddenly want to
give you anything in their life. I never figured that part out.”
“So you have a lot of favors to cash in?” I asked.
“Something like that, Belle.”
“I guess that includes me now,” I said. “Too bad I have nothing to offer you.”
Jo let my hand go and touched her chin. “I’m sure you do, Belle. But I’m not doing this as a favor.
Or looking for anything in return.”
“Then why are you doing this?”
Jo sucked in a breath and groaned. “You’re already annoying me.”
“Then I’ll leave and walk back.”
“I’m sure you will.” Jo sighed again. “My father walked out on us. My mother dated to make up
for what she lost. And some guy lost his temper and sent her down a set of steps. She was pregnant.
They didn’t make it. He went to jail and killed himself. I was sent into foster care. And when I
moved, I met your mother. I’m not trying to fix the past in my life, Belle, but if I can help the present in
yours, it’s worth it.”
“Jo… I don’t know what to say…”
“Nothing,” she said. She pointed forward. “Now let’s go raid the fuck out of that store. Get every
junk food and high caffeine drink we can and then blast nineties dirty rap and put the windows down
and see where things end up.”
“I can do that,” I said.
We opened our door and Jo hesitated. She looked back at me and laughed.
“What?” I asked.
“Joff?” she asked. “That’s his real name?”
“My theory is it’s Jeff but he was too stupid to write it so he changed it.”
Jo laughed again. “I just might be able to like you, Belle.”

***

We basically cleared the shelves of anything and everything.

And of course since it was some gas station, the prices were crazy high.
But Jo didn’t care.
 The total made me gasp.
She used a credit card and didn’t think twice about it.
Then we got back into her car, put the windows down, and ate and drank while blasting music.
I kept my feet up on the seat, after kicking my shoes off, of course.
We each drank two energy drinks and after a solid thirty minutes of music, Jo pressed a button on
the steering wheel and the music was instantly gone.
“There’s one thing,” she said. “And I’m making this clear to you, Belle. Well, maybe there’s more
than one thing. I am not going to force you into anything. If you want to go back there and finish up and
live life, then go. I can be… I don’t know. Someone to call. An ear if you need one. When I’m around.
My life is busy. Very busy. I wasn’t lying when I said I was in surgery this morning. My hours are
crazy and unpredictable. When dealing with the human heart, you never know what’s going to happen.
A simple visit to the doctor could end up in a twelve hour surgery. But that’s not my point. My point is
this… if you stay with me, you finish what you started.”
“You want me to go to class.”
“Just get the fucking thing over with,” Jo said. “I’ll handle everything. You’ll get the classes you
want. Whatever you need. Just get it done. To be fair, you’re going to be living in a huge house. Right
on the beach. With an in-ground pool. And a hot tub. Deal?”
“Yeah, sure,” I said. “I, uh, I don’t know how this works with the old place…”
“Doesn’t need to,” Jo said. “I’ll handle it.”
“Well, I have a way out.”
“Let’s hear it.”
“Someone painted a red V on my locker. That’s why I came back home. It was a guy who did it.
At least I think. We were kind of dating. But…”
“V,” Jo said. She sighed. “Do I need to go down that road with you?”
“No,” I said in a hurry. My faced became warm. “Please. No. I know it all. I’m… things are… it’s
all good, Jo. I swear to you.”
“Okay. So this little dick prick wanted to make a statement and did that to you.”
“Yeah. You can probably use that to get me out of there for good.”
“That’s good thinking,” Jo said. “But don’t let that rest on you.”
“You want me to get revenge on him?”
“Why not?”
I laughed. “Are you really a doctor?”
“Correct,” Jo said.
“You don’t act like one…”
“How’s a doctor supposed to act?” she asked.
I wasn’t sure.
I thought about it.
I had no answer.
Jo smiled. “I already said more than I planned on saying to you. Stay out of my way. Stay out of
trouble. Don’t get involved with any of the rich boys at Bay Falls High either. Or if you do, make
sure it’s for fun. Enjoy the sun. Enjoy the beach. Enjoy the house. Just do that for me, Belle. I’ve been
hearing so much about you for so long and now I get a chance to know you.”
“You just said to leave you alone,” I said.
“Right.”
“So how do we get to know each other then?”
 “We don’t.”
I opened my mouth but stopped once again.
Jo was fierce, cool, and ridiculously pretty.
She was honest yet confusing.
But she had a mansion. A pool. A hot tub. The ocean as her backyard.
And when it came to any of the douche rich boys at Bay Falls High…
I was ready for anything.
Could it really get worse than I had already been through?

***

I hung my head when I saw the size of the house.

It looked like a damn hotel.
The driveway itself… with its curved, wide opening, black brick pillars with a thick, iron
looking gate. Without hesitation, Jo typed in the code to open the gate and gave me a number that I
locked into my mind. There were trees on each side of the driveway, not very tall, but taller than me,
hanging over the driveway with big, white flowers and buds on them. When they blew in the wind, it
was like it was snowing.
That part was beautiful.
But seeing the house…
It was too much.
I reminded myself what class I was supposed to be in at the moment. Or actually, I should have
been with Sarah, outside, smoking an early afternoon cigarette. Complaining about everything in our
lives. Making those empty promises to escape it all together.
And now I was here.
“No use in hiding, Belle,” Jo said. “And I really hope you aren’t crying. At least over a house.
You’re not going to live here forever. Consider it an upgrade from your apartment. So pick your head
up. We need to run through all of this quick. I have to get over to the hospital. You don’t want
someone to die because of you, right?”
I gasped and lifted my head.
What a bitch thing to say to me.
I thought for a second maybe Jo had a very dry sense of humor.
But when she got out of her car and walked toward the house, I wasn’t sure of that.
As I entered the house, Jo began to point and talk. I really didn’t hear much of what she had to say
though. Her voice was monotone, almost annoyed that she had to point out the rooms to me one by
one. I didn’t ask for the tour of her mansion. I didn’t ask for her to save me either. I was perfectly fine
back home.
Home… what the hell is home?
“Back that way is my part of the house,” Jo said. She snapped her fingers at me. “Don’t go near it,
Belle. I have my own space. My office. My bedroom. My kitchen. My living room. I have my own
garage. Pool.”
“You have two pools?” I asked Jo.
“Of course I do.”
 “What do you do with the other one then? Is it just for show?”
Jo paused for a second to think. “I guess it’s your pool now.”
“What?”
“Let me show you to your room,” Jo said.
There were three sets of stairs to get upstairs.
Three.
Jo took me up the main set of stairs. There was probably some fancy name for them but I didn’t
know it. Fancy wasn’t my thing. The fanciest thing in my life was on Christmas Eve, my mother would
buy a shrimp ring and serve them on gold colored paper plates. We’d eat them with our pinkies in the
air and try to talk in a cliché rich voice.
But this house…
Everything was big.
The stairs were big. They were wide. The landings were big enough for a chair on one. A table on
another. There were windows that gave a look to different parts of the world. One window faced a
bright garden of flowers. Another window gave a hint at the ocean. Which made me gasp.
“Just wait a second,” Jo said to me.
The upstairs hallway was big enough to fit a car through it.
That whole hotel vibe went away when there wasn’t a door every few feet.
“This is one of my favorite rooms,” Jo said.
She pointed to a French style set of doors.
Two damn doors to my new bedroom.
What?!
I opened the doors and let out a breathless sound.
It wasn’t a room.
It was an apartment.
The ceiling was high. Really high.
Straight across from me was a silver stone fireplace.
“No way,” I whispered.
“It works,” Jo said.
My eyes looked right to left.
It was like a really expensive studio apartment.
Everything in the room was obviously staged though. Jo probably paid someone to decorate the
room. All the rooms. The entire house.
My eyes moved back to her.
One woman with a house this big.
I opened my mouth.
“Why not?” Jo asked. “I told myself I was going to live someday where I didn’t have to worry
about anything. Is this house part of that plan? Maybe. It works for me. My mind has to stay sharp and
focused on what I do. So does this work for you?”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I asked.
Jo then pointed.
When I looked, I had to do a double take.
There was a large window, a half circle, with a daybed built into the window and the wall. The
daybed bigger than my bed back at the apartment. But the window… the view…
I covered my mouth.
 My eyes filled with tears.
I shut my eyes, realizing I was now the girl crying over the sight of the ocean.
But it wasn’t the ocean.
At all.
I didn’t want Jo to see me crying.
Why do I care about her opinion so much?
Maybe because she’s giving me a place to live?
And she’s a doctor… she’s rich and beautiful and successful…
“Belle, I’ll make you a deal,” Jo said.
I turned and Jo stood near the middle of the room, arms crossed, one leg slightly sticking out, her
entire posture and stance was as though I was wasting her precious time.
“I’ll tell you a quick story about your mother to make you smile,” she said. “And then you’re
going to tell me something about yourself.”
“What about yourself?” I asked. “I think I’d rather know about you.”
“No,” Jo said.
“Okay. Deal.”
“When your mother and I first met, we got into a fight. A real fight. Fists. Her boyfriend at the time
- this moron named Tim - wanted to give me a tour of the school. And his pants. His words, not mine.
He didn’t know your mother was watching. She thought something was happening. But I punched Tim
in the face for his comment. Then your mother came after me. We started fighting until we realized
Tim’s bloody nose had dripped to the front of his jeans. Someone then made a comment that Timmy
got his first period. It also helped that when I clocked him in the nose his eyes filled with tears. So
there’s Timmy standing there, crying, his nose bleeding, blood on his jeans. It definitely looked like
he got his period. And your mother and I started laughing at him. She had a small cut on her lip. I had
a scratch on my cheek.”
Jo smiled and looked down, shaking her head.
“What?” I asked.
Jo lifted her head. “Timmy made a comment to her and she punched him again. Same spot.
Knocked him right down. Then she announced to everyone standing there that his… well, the tour of
his pants… the end result wasn’t big. She then introduced herself to me and asked if I wanted a
cigarette. That’s how we became friends. My point there is that she was always fierce. She’d fight for
love even if it didn’t exist. That was one thing she believed in. And I know it always had a way of
biting her in the ass. Just… just thought you’d like that story.”
“Meaning she was once a fighter,” I said. “Instead of getting beat up by men now, right?”
Jo didn’t reply.
We stood in silence for a few seconds.
“I like to write,” I said. “Anything I can. A couple years ago, we lived with this guy who had a
nice house but was a bad person. Really bad. There was this little cubby under the stairs. Like a
closet or something. I used to hide there when things got bad. And one time I found this book. A
poetry book. It didn’t rhyme though. It was just… words. On different places on the page and stuff.
And I liked it. I read it. I started doing the same thing. It sort of helped me. So, yeah, I like writing.”
“I wouldn’t lead with that, Belle,” Jo said.
“What?”
“In this town. Bay Falls High. I wouldn’t lead off that you’re some dorky writer girl. That’s not a
good look.”
 My jaw dropped.
Jo walked to the door.
“Wait a second,” I said.
She stopped and looked back at me. “Problem?”
“You’re a bitch, Jo. Like… a really big bitch.”
“I know,” Jo said. “I’m not afraid of who I am, Belle. And I hope you end up the same way. Also,
before I forget…”
Jo took out a see through blue credit card. She put it on a small table just inside the doors. A table
with a vase and flowers and a picture of a sunset. All staged.
Next she took a car key. Well, not a key, but one of those fancy not key things that controlled a car.
“Now you’re settled,” she said. “Just don’t do anything stupid with either thing, Belle. You can go
get your bag. The car is yours. Anything you need, go shopping or order it online. Or send someone
out to get whatever you need. I’ll leave you my cell number too. And my emergency number. That
number is only if you’re about to die, okay? I don’t care if the house is on fire, you don’t call that
number. Got it?”
“Okay…”
“I’m leaving to go back to the hospital. I don’t know when I’ll be home. There’s food in the
kitchen. If nothing is there you like, then order something. There’s always someone here to cook and
clean and fix something that’s forever broken. The pool is warm. The beach is warmer. You have
nothing to worry about right now.”
“Even if I take my dorky notebook down to the beach and write free verse poetry?”
“Just as long as you’re not going to drink some vegan smoothie out of a metal straw while
petitioning something stupid.”
“You’re a doctor… don’t you want people healthy?”
Jo grinned. “I don’t give a shit what people do with their lives. My job is to try and save their
lives when shit goes bad.”
“Well, thanks for saving mine.”
“I didn’t save your life, Belle.”
Jo left the room and shut the fancy doors behind her.
I looked around the room again and took a deep breath.
I moved to the daybed and sat down.
I bit my bottom lip and stared out to the ocean.
The clear blue sky. The whites of the caps of the waves. The sand with a mix of light tan and
white colors.
It was perfect.
Serene.
Almost too good to be true.
My phone vibrated with a text from Sarah.
OMG. Heard ur mother went 2 the hospital. R u okay? Where r u?
I laughed when I read the text message.
Oh, Sarah, wait until you hear this story…
four

I had a towel under one arm and my dorky notebook under my other.
I passed by the pool and paused to take it all in.
The area around the pool was made up of a tan concrete that looked like rocks. And the pool had
the same feel to it. Like it was some exotic location in Hawaii or something. The pool was far from
the cliché oval shaped pool. It had an odd shape to it, including a rock wall canopy kind of thing that
went into some kind of cove.
This was all part of Jo’s backyard area.
It was unbelievable.
I stared for way too long before continuing my walk toward the beach.
She had privacy from the beach with a custom walkway that curved like a road to keep her house
hidden but gave easy access to the ocean.
That made me stop again and catch my breath.
Ten seconds of walking and there I was.
My toes curling against the grainy sand, my eyes looking through my dark sunglasses as the waves
rolled toward the shore.
I looked back and up and spotted my room.
It was the only room with the half circle window.
The rest of the back of the house was made up of square windows.
“Holy shit,” I whispered.
Which felt so badass to say.
Sarah couldn’t talk because she was in the bathroom and just wanted to make sure I was okay. I
gave her the quickest story I could, which was that an old friend of my mother’s came to get me and I
was staying with her for the moment. That I was okay. That my mother was going to be okay.
I didn’t say a word about the mansion.
The card.
The credit card.
The crazy pool.
The beautiful ocean.
I walked the beach totally alone.
I felt a little anxiety creep up the back of my neck but then I realized…
I was alone.
I didn’t have to hear my mother’s sob stories. Or hear the sound of stupid fucking Joff’s voice. Or
enter that apartment building and smell the foyer. Or listen to the guy above us blast his reggae music
at all hours of the night. Or see Gray ever again. Well, at least for now.
Jo made it clear this arrangement wasn’t forever.
But if she wanted me to graduate…
If she had the ability to arrange things at this Bay Falls High place for me, and I could just breeze
through and graduate, then I was so in.
I could handle living this kind of life for a little while.
 Maybe I’d even crack Jo’s shell a little and get to know her.
That was, if I ever saw her again.
That was a harsh reality too.
Not to mention the fact that my mother was in a hospital and I was at the beach. I had been offered
to go in the ambulance with her. But I didn’t. I debated it and the ambulance drove away. And then Jo
showed up.
I picked a spot to put the towel down and settle.
The towel had been waiting for me on the large, white kitchen counter that was curved like a bar.
Actually, the counter made a snake shape.
But whatever, the counter didn’t matter.
I was on the beach.
I fell to my knees and took out my phone.
I texted the main number for Jo.
I should be with my mother, Jo. I appreciate what you’re doing here. She shouldn’t be alone
right now. I don’t want her to do something stupid - like find another guy. Hope that makes
sense. Thanks for everything.
I sent the message and felt like I was going to throw up.
Which made no sense.
It was the truth.
But I kind of didn’t want to leave the beach. Or that house. Or that bedroom. My new bedroom…
My phone buzzed with a reply.
It was too much text to type that fast.
I pictured Jo in another fancy vehicle, yelling for it to text me.
You are not leaving. Your mother is fine. I already talked to her. I talked to the hospital. I
told you I was taking care of this. Do not second guess me or question me. Your mother told me
to come get you. She wanted this. Don’t duck this up. I meant fuck. Nobody ever means duck.
Don’t fuck this up. Don’t go right like she did. Don’t go left like I did. Find your direction. Don’t
text me again.
I swallowed hard and wasn’t sure what to feel.
Jo was… whatever came after bitch.
But she was right and she could back it all up.
I looked back one more time just to make sure the house was actually there.
Because I felt like I had fallen and hit my head and this was all a dream.
I held my phone in my hands, wondering what was next.
Then I heard someone whistle and yell ‘daaaaaaamn’ …

***

It wasn’t just someone.

It was them.
And them being a group of guys I did not know.
They were all wearing nothing but baggie board shorts. The kind with cargo pockets that came
down to their knees. The kind that were left untied on purpose so they hung just a little low, each one
of them dawning a V line that cut into the top of their shorts.
There were four of them.
Even the way they walked.
Like they owned the beach.
Two had sunglasses on. The other two had their sunglasses pushed back on their heads. Their hair
ranged from being cut as short as possible without actually shaving their head to one of them having
long hair.
He stopped where my towel began and he turned on his heels completely around. I spotted a tattoo
on his back but didn’t have time to actually look at it.
The four of them sort of surrounded me.
I was still on my knees, probably not the best position, considering the way they were standing.
“New,” he said to me. He pointed. “New, new, new.”
“Not me,” I said, settling into a lie nobody would believe.
They all laughed.
“Right,” one said putting his fist out for the others. “We’ve got every piece of ass this side of BFH
tagged. Anything new we can sniff out in a heartbeat.”
They kept laughing.
They all fist bumped the guy who just spoke.
I cringed.
This was a new level of douche-baggery for me to witness.
“She can’t speak,” another one said. “What’s the saying, bro-man? Cat stole her tongue or
something?”
“I can think of something she can do with her tongue,” the first guy said. “And something I can do
with my tongue to her cat.”
They all cackled and jumped up and down.
“I don’t have a cat,” I said.
“Wait, you’re a dude?” one of the guys wearing sunglasses said as he lifted his sunglasses in
surprise.
“What?” I asked. “I’m not a dude…”
“She didn’t get the joke, Max,” the first guy said. He then dropped to one knee and reached for my
hand. He took it and smiled at me. “I’m Ryan. And then there’s Max, Owen, and Aaron. And I want
you to know I saw you first. I’m in love with you first. So let’s skip the bullshit and let me properly
welcome you here.”
“Let her choose,” Max said.
I pulled my hand away. “What? Why would I choose… or… what…”
“She’s flustered,” Ryan said. He leaned toward me. “Look, I’m going to break it down. BFH.
Right? It’s ours. And if we set our sights on you, you’re lucky.”
“Just tell her the truth,” Owen said. I looked at him. “We’re the best fucking baseball players in
the state. We never strike out. We always hit home runs. We love going around the bases…”
“Sweet,” Aaron said.
He and Owen slapped hands and did some handshake.
They were jocks.
They were pretty jocks. Cut and tone, definitely athletic.
Ryan stood back up. “So what do you think? You’re new here. I’m sure you’re nervous about
everything. Let us show you the way.”
 “We’ll go slow,” Owen said. “Stop at first base and enjoy…”
“Then hit second base,” Max said. “That’s one of my favorites.”
“Wait a second,” I said. “Does this really work for you?”
I laughed.
They didn’t.
The looks on their faces suddenly sucked all the air out of me.
I reminded myself these were the same assholes I dealt with back home. Those guys were rough
and tough, but they were afraid of getting into trouble. One whiff of the police and they would scatter.
But these guys…
They were rich.
And I wasn’t.
They inched closer to my towel.
I looked around the best I could and there was nobody else in sight.
And Jo wasn’t home.
She didn’t want me to bother her.
Not that she’d be able to do something about this fast enough either.
At the same time…
I slowly stood up.
You stupid motherfuckers. Who do you think I am? You have no idea where I just came from and
what I just witnessed. You and your glistening baseball jock bodies think you’re going to just walk
up on me…
“Come give me a kiss, bro-chick,” Ryan said.
His hand touched my waist… under my shirt.
He did it so quick I jumped to my toes and gasped.
I grabbed his arm and pushed but he wasn’t going to let me go.
“It’s okay, bro-chick,” Max said as he stepped toward me, the front of his body pressing to my left
side.
“Get the fuck away from me,” I said. I swallowed hard. “You fucking losers. Get the fuck away.”
“She’s going to talk dirty so soon…,” Aaron said.
He reached for my face.
I stepped back and stepped right on my notebook.
My heel slid against the cover and it was like sliding on ice.
My legs kicked out and I went down.
Ryan grabbed the front of my shirt, finding his chance to pull and lift it to get a sight at whatever
he wanted.
And they all closed in on me some more as I grabbed for the blanket.
I was on my back, my ass throbbing from hitting the sand so hard, Ryan on one knee again, his
hand holding my shirt.
“Let’s see what presents you’ve brought us,” he whispered.
I opened my mouth…
To scream for help?
To curse this rich assholes out?
I wasn’t sure of that yet.
But then I smelled smoke.
Cigarette smoke.
 And Ryan did too.
He stuck his nose into the air and sniffed.
His hand let go of my shirt and he hurried to stand up.
He stepped to his left, hitting Owen to do the same.
Max and Aaron moved to the right.
There was a fifth person now.
Dressed all in black.
Black sunglasses on his face.
Black, feather hair sticking out from under a black beanie that rested on his head.
A black hoodie, the sleeves rolled up, a long sleeve black shirt under it.
His jeans ripped in random places.
Two necklaces around his neck.
And he just stared at me.
If Jo was my fairy godmother from hell… then the baseball douchebags were demons… that
meant this guy…
He was the devil coming for my not so innocent soul.

***

“Uly, what’s up, man?” Ryan said in a voice that was way different from the one he used with me.
Uly?
I took a shaky breath, not sure if I was supposed to feel as warm as I did when Uly stepped closer
to me. It was definitely not the same icky feeling that came over me when the baseball players came
close to me.
He stepped right on my towel.
I didn’t say a word.
“Are these assholes bothering you, doll?” Uly asked, his cigarette looking so sexy bouncing
between his lips.
I was nodding before he even finished the question.
And that was all it took.
One question.
One head nod.
Uly took his cigarette from his mouth. He lowered his hand, the cigarette smoke climbing into the
air. My eyes looked at the cigarette and his hand.
“We were just fucking around, Uly,” Ryan said. “No harm meant. You know, new person thing.
That’s all.”
“Come on, just a fresh blood joke,” Aaron said.
I lifted my eyes and watched as the four baseball players were slowly making their escape. With
each word they said, they took a step away from me. Well, a step away from Uly.
Four jocks afraid of one guy?
It made me wonder what kind of danger Uly was to scare these guys away so easily.
Ryan looked at me and smiled. He put his hands together in prayer and nodded. “Enjoy the beach.
The sand. The surf. The sights. We were just messing around.”
 Uly lifted his hand with the cigarette between his fingers. He pointed.
Ryan nodded and turned. He put his arms around and moved the other baseball players along the
beach.
I was still on my ass, my hands gripped to the towel tight, fearing something really bad happening
to me.
Uly set his sights on me. “That thing fly?”
“What?”
“The towel,” he said. “You’re holding on so tight. Like you’re flying through the air.”
“Oh,” I said with a weak smile. “Yeah. Right. I… they…”
I shook my head.
“They, what?” Uly asked.
“Nothing. It’s not important.”
I released my hold from the towel. My palms were sweaty and gross. I casually wiped them on
the towel and sat up, pulling my knees to my chest.
Uly bent his knees and crouched down.
It made me freeze in place.
A cold shiver ran up and down my back. But then it was quickly replaced by a warmth…
He put his cigarette to his lips and helped himself to another drag.
“It’s important to me, doll,” he said, smoke jumping from his lips.
It was sexy.
He was sexy.
He looked dangerous.
He was dangerous.
“Do you mind?” he asked and held out his cigarette.
I shook my head. “No. I kind of smoke too.”
“Kind of? How do you kind of smoke?”
“I mean… I smoke. Yeah. I smoke. And I don’t mind that you smoke.”
“Just checking,” he said.
He stuffed the cigarette into the sand, leaving the tan butt crooked.
He stayed crouched and stared at me again. “What did they say to you?”
“Nothing.”
He grinned. “Do you believe in crossroads, doll?”
“Meaning?”
“Do you know what a crossroad is?”
I titled my head. “Of course I do…”
My mind thought about my mother and Jo. How Jo went one way and became a rich doctor. How
my mother went the other way, trading backhands to her mouth just to hear someone say I love you.
“You’re at a crossroads right now,” Uly said. “I’ve never seen you before. And you’re not going
to play the bullshit game trying to tell me you’ve always been here. Or you’re visiting. You’re new.
And new is scary. And new is dangerous. And new is bad. We don’t do new. But this crossroads
you’re at… I’ll help this one time with it. Okay?”
I nodded.
I didn’t tell my brain to tell my body to nod though.
“Tell me what those assholes said or did to you,” Uly said. “That’s it. If you don’t, you’ve chosen
the wrong path. So I guess this crossroads of yours is one way. You don’t want to go down a dead end
street with a monster chasing you, do you, doll?”
“Are you the monster, Uly?” I asked.
The left side of his lip curled. “Careful with my name. You never know what a sweet voice like
yours saying it could do to me. Or yourself.”
My cheeks burned red.
Uly left his lip curled as he smiled.
Then he just stared at me.
Until I cracked under the pressure of his stare.
Even through sunglasses it somehow got to me.
“Nothing good,” I said. “Okay? That’s what they said to me. Nothing I haven’t heard before. Or
couldn’t handle. I’m not from around here. And I’m not who you think I am either.”
“So they closed in on you, acting like assholes.”
“Yeah.”
“Led by Ryan.”
“Yeah.”
“And I just let him walk away,” Uly said. “I didn’t crack him in the mouth. Break his jaw for
talking to a pretty girl like you like that.”
More heat rushed to my cheeks.
I hated myself for it.
Uly stood up and took his sunglasses off. “I could still catch up to them.”
I scrambled to get to my feet.
I was moving before I knew I was moving. I wasn’t even sure if that made sense at all though.
My hands grabbed for Uly’s arm and wrist.
When he looked at me, I saw the brown color of his eyes, it was… whoa.
Grayson who now?
Just… fucking… whoa…
They were not inviting. They were not pretty or cute or handsome. They were… dirty and evil.
His stare made it very well known that he could hurt me and not think twice about it.
“They’re not worth it,” I said.
“How do you know?”
“They’re obviously afraid of you. So who cares? Next time they come near me I’ll kick them in
the balls. They just caught me off guard. That’s all.”
Uly shook his head. He turned to completely face me. He looked down at my hands holding his
arm and wrist. I quickly let him go.
“What’s your name, doll?” he asked me.
I had the upper hand on a guy like Uly. I had something he wanted. That meant I-
“Belle,” I blurted out.
Thanks, brain. Or heart. Or panties.
Uly put two fingers under my chin. “You’re wrong, Belle.”
“About what?”
“There is no next time,” Uly said. “Want to know why?”
I swallowed every ounce of reasoning that told me to run like hell.
“Why?” I whispered.
“If those assholes come near you ever again, I’m going to kill them with my bare hands.”
five

The moment washed away like a sandcastle too close to the shore.
Uly put his sunglasses back on and put enough distance between he and I that I could breathe.
But that didn’t mean I was calm.
He looked down and before I could see what he was looking at, he crouched, grabbed my
notebook, and started to walk away with it.
I gasped, all the blood draining from my face.
My knees bounced with weakness.
I jumped for him and missed. So then I ran and jumped.
As my arms wrapped around his shoulders, I realized just how insane this was. Not just this
moment. But the day. The everything.
“So this must be full of love letters, huh?” Uly asked as he held the notebook out.
“Stop it,” I said.
“I’ll walk right into the water, doll.”
“I know how to swim.”
“Pages don’t.”
“Stop,” I said.
Uly wiggled and I slid off him.
He spun around and stepped back toward the water.
He didn’t care about the sand or the water hitting his black shoes or his jeans.
His left arm was outstretched and then he slowly moved it behind him, right over where the
waves were crashing.
“Why?” I asked.
“This means a lot to you?”
“Yeah it does. And you’re being as much of an asshole as those other guys.”
Uly curled his lip again.
He pretended to drop the notebook.
I covered my mouth and screamed.
I knew my eyes were filling with tears.
And how stupid I looked in front of him.
Uly brought the notebook forward and flipped it open to a random page.
There was so much written in there…
He shut the notebook and walked toward me.
When he held the notebook out, I grabbed it from him with as much force as I could. He then
stepped even closer to me.
His body inches from mine.
“I want to show you something, Belle,” he said. “Tonight. Right here. Eleven.”
“What is it?” I asked.
“Just show up, doll. This is another crossroads and I’m guiding you once again. I guess it’s your
lucky day.”
 “Trust me, Uly, nothing about today has been lucky,” I said.
He lowered his lips down to my ear. “What I see, I can’t whisper, from the window, the stars, I
can’t reach. They dance in silence, when they collide, we all know, but I’m left here, alone, just
trying to whisper. Once.”
My knees buckled.
He studied the fucking page in the notebook for ten seconds and memorized what I wrote?
“See you tonight, doll,” he whispered.
His lips brushed against my cheek and he began to walk away.
He lit up a cigarette and put his head back, blowing smoke into the air.
I caught myself leaning forward, my lips and nose quivering, almost desperate for a smell of the
smoke.
My heart pounded in my chest.
And my brain finally decided to be logical, asking my heart a question that I was too afraid to
hear the answer for.
How fucking screwed am I already?

***

I went back to Jo’s house to find a note on the counter in her handwriting letting me know there were
meals in the fridge for us.
Us.
The fridge was a stainless steel wall that I stared at for too long, trying to figure out how to open
it. I rolled my eyes ten times, cursing rich people for wanting to take away things like handles and
sinks.
Oh, by the way, the counter was the sink. When you turned on the faucet, water hit the counter but
didn’t spill over the side. It somehow flowed right to a few small dots that were actually holes that
made up the drain.
It was all pretty cool, just way out of my taste and capability of using or understanding how much
it could all cost. And Jo probably didn’t think twice about any of it either. Luxury was normal to her.
I managed to open the fridge and it was bright.
Very bright.
I squinted my eyes for a second before seeing how clean and organized the fridge was. I thought
about the fridge at the apartment. The wilted top part of a yellowish stalk of celery on the top shelf,
begging to be thrown out. A pack of strawberries with four left, two blanketed in white mold. The
milk sideways on a shelf. The gallon of orange juice on the main big shelf, along with a gallon of diet
iced tea, some soda, and a jar of spaghetti sauce that was used six months ago.
Stains everywhere.
The usual…
I shut my eyes and sighed.
The apartment didn’t matter now.
I wasn’t sure if it ever would again.
The meals were all labeled with my name and Jo’s name.
I wasn’t sure how I felt about eating that way, but it was better than nothing. And it made sense
with Jo’s busy life.
It still made me marvel that she was a doctor. Like a real doctor. Performing surgeries and stuff.
And driving really expensive vehicles. And living in this gigantic house right next to the beach…
My memory brought back the baseball players.
And Uly.
I shivered at the thought of it all. For two different reasons. With two different kinds of shivers
too.
I grabbed a bottle of fancy water and went upstairs to my… room?
There was no way I could call it a room. It was bigger than a room. It was like an apartment. Built
into a house. Which made me wonder what Jo’s room was like then. Just her describing it, it was like
its own house too.
The fancy water tasted so good it made me stop and stare at the bottle. I had no idea bottled water
could taste different. Or taste as good as this water did.
I drank the entire bottle by the time I got to my room.
I stood at the window and looked down to the beach.
The thought of Uly made me bite my lip.
Those douchebag baseball players really backed off quick at the sight of Uly.
That was a flag redder than my cheeks.
It all started to swirl so much in my head, I needed a minute to rest.
I jumped into the bed and let out a laughing cry as my body sank down into the mattress.
That whole cliché saying about sleeping on a cloud?
It was a real thing.
I was swimming in the bed.
The blankets. The fluffiness. The way the bed moved to the shape of my body.
I closed my eyes and told myself this was impossible.
I took a few deep breaths.
I pictured Joff standing there, wiping blood off his hands. My mother on the floor, shocked to see
me home. My locker with the blood red V on it. Gray and his shit eating smirk. Officer Jack and the
way he helped me… and the way he looked very afraid of Jo when she showed up.
Sleep wrapped its arms around me.
How could it not in that fucking bed, right?
I didn’t even dream.
I was just… gone.
And I only realized it when my phone started to go off, waking me up.
I lifted my head and felt drool on my cheek.
I looked around, almost forgetting where I was.
When I looked at my phone, I realized it was four hours later.
Whatthefuck?
And it was my mother calling.
I shut my eyes again and groaned.
I wished I would have put the phone on silent.

***
“Please tell me you’re not mad at me.”
Thanks, Mom. Don’t ask how I am. Go right to yourself.
“Are you okay?” I asked her.
“I’m fine,” she said. “Except they have me in a room with someone else. She’s complaining of
stomach pains and is demanding surgery. She thinks she’s a doctor.”
“Speaking of doctors…”
“What? I told you I’m okay. I’ll be out of here tomorrow. Jo wanted me to stay.”
“Right. Jo… Dr. Jo…”
“Don’t ever call her that, Belle,” Mom said. “I’m serious. She’ll slap you.”
“Mom, I’m in a house that’s worth millions. I was at the beach a few hours ago. She picked me up
in a car that was worth over two hundred thousand dollars. And then she gave me the key to that car.
Along with a credit card. What…”
“That’s good,” Mom said. “She’s a good friend.”
“Friend? I never met her.”
“You’ve met her before,” Mom said. “When you were really little. Just briefly though. We’ve
been on two different paths for a long time.”
“I can see that.”
Mom didn’t say a word.
I rolled my eyes.
I waited.
“Sorry,” I finally said.
“Thank you,” she said.
“Jo said you called her.”
“Yeah, I did,” Mom said. “For you. I knew things were getting bad and going to get worse. I knew
I needed to call the police. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen then. And I know things have been
tough for you. You need this break, Belle. My pretty Belle. Remember that?”
I swallowed hard. “Yeah.”
Vague memories of my mother telling me my name meant beautiful in French.
Now my heart ached.
Thanks for that, Mom.
“You’re going to be fine there,” Mom said. “Jo will take care of you. She told me she’s going to
make sure you finish your classes too. Unless you want to come back here. It’s up to you.”
“What about you, Mom?” I asked. “You’re leaving the hospital tomorrow…”
“And I’ll figure it out,” she said. “Jo is a good friend. We go way back. There’s a lot you don’t
know. I’ll be okay. I have to make sure that Joff never comes near us again. I’m sorry he turned out
that way.”
You’re sorry everyone you choose turns out that way…
“Belle, want to know something?” Mom asked.
“What?”
“I was going to be a doctor too. I was the one who put that bug in Jo’s ear. I always talked about
it. And then she went her own way and… whatever.”
“I didn’t know that,” I said. “You could still do it.”
Mom laughed. “Not me. But I will find my own way. And so will you. I could never give you
anything like Jo has done today. Go enjoy it. Just know I’m fine.”
 “I love you, Mom,” I said.
“I love you too, my pretty Belle.”
The call ended and my eyes filled with tears.
I dug through my bag and found my cigarettes.
I sat at the window that faced the beach and I curled up on the daybed and smoked.
Tears ran down my cheeks and I didn’t bother to wipe them away or even ask why there were
tears to begin with.
I shoved the conversation with my mother to the back of my mind.
I had something more important to figure out.
Was I actually going to show up on the beach at eleven tonight to meet Uly?

***

I realized there was no sneaking out of my room to the outside. Not that I was one to sneak out
anyway. I had no problem just leaving whenever I felt like back at the apartment. But at Jo’s, I caught
myself looking out the window like I had to open it and find a way down to the beach.
Which was crazy. And impossible.
So I did what I knew how to do.
I left the bedroom, walked the mile long hallway, scaled down the biggest staircase I had ever
seen in a house, and made my way toward the kitchen.
There were rooms everywhere.
Doors all around.
Each one tempting to open.
But I wasn’t a seven year old girl anymore. Meaning I didn’t believe for a second that behind one
of those doors there would be monsters or a secret world or whatever else is written in kid’s books
to make them forget about their lives.
A soft glow poured from the kitchen and went toward the back of the house, which was just one
giant set of windows. One of those windows was actually the door to get outside. My next goal was to
remember which one was the door so I didn’t slam my face off the glass like you’d see in some viral
clip shared across social media.
There was one last room to my left and when I turned my head to look, I saw nothing at first. Then
came a little bit of movement that made my heart stop.
Ohmygoditsafuckingghost… Jo’s house was built on some burial ground and there are ghosts
everywhere…
That’s how fast my mind worked sometimes.
It wasn’t a ghost.
It was Jo.
Sitting in a dark room that had very dark red leather chairs in it. The kind of chairs that were
oversized with the really big buttons up and along the arms.
She sat there and the longer I stared, the more she came into focus thanks to the glow from the
kitchen.
A glass of wine in her hand. The kind of glass that could hold half the bottle.
Wearing a black dress, her legs crossed, her heels kicked off to the floor. The slit on her dress ran
really far up her leg. If the lights were fully on, I probably would have been able to see her butt.
“I’m just… going for a walk…”
Of course I was the one who had to break the ice with Jo.
“I didn’t ask,” she said in a soft voice.
Of course you didn’t.
I took a step and paused. “Are you okay?”
I tried to focus my eyes more on the mostly dark room.
Jo didn’t move an inch.
She didn’t even move the wine glass.
“I’m sitting here, Belle. Do you mind?”
“Sorry,” I said.
“Don’t be out too late,” Jo called out. “You’re expected to class… preferably tomorrow.”
“What’s that?” I asked, stepping back.
“You heard me.”
“How did…”
“I told you I was going to take care of things, Belle. I can respect you not wanting to trust me. I
wouldn’t trust me either. But at the very least, listen to me.”
I had a lot more to say and ask… but it was now after eleven.
I gave Jo a cliché sounds good and then hurried to get out of the house.
Just what I needed at the moment - more things to think about.
I lit a cigarette and hurried around the giant pool. I hurried again down the twisty path. And when
I got to the sand, I looked around for Uly.
My mind played tricks on me over and over so when I finally thought I saw him, I wasn’t sure if
he was real or not. Which meant the only way to know was to… touch him.
Okay, that wasn’t the only way, but I was so flustered, I went with the first thing that came to
mind.
Which was to touch him.
He stood with his back to me and I reached for the side of his body. Not a tap on the shoulder. Not
to touch his arm. But grab his side, just above the waist of his jeans, like I was trying to… tickle him?
Uly turned.
I jumped back and gasped, losing my breath.
“Took you long enough, doll,” he said. “You’re going to miss the show.”
“The show?”
Uly smirked at me. He was wearing the exact same clothes as earlier.
Duh, Belle. You are too.
His sunglasses hung from his necklace.
His beanie was pushed back enough, leaving plenty of his messy, dark hair exposed.
I lived in a place that was full of trouble and this guy made that trouble look like happiness.
And I was the one who showed up…
“Hey, Uly, man, what did you need?”
I turned my head and my eyes went wide when I saw Ryan approaching us.
“What the fuck is this?” I whispered to Uly.
“Just wanted to show you something,” Uly said.
He clicked his tongue and nodded to me.
Ryan stopped. “Whoa. You brought her… why?”
 “You talked a big game,” Uly said. “Back it up.”
“What?” Ryan asked.
I started to shake.
Uly set me up…
I slowly stepped to the side. I tried to figure out how fast I needed to run to get to Jo’s house. Or
at least close enough to scream for help.
“We were fucking around,” Ryan said.
“You put your hands on her,” Uly said. “Right?”
“Harmless touching,” Ryan said. “Just a little welcome. That’s all. What is this, Uly? Are you
pissed? Shit, bro, man, if she was… you know…”
Uly moved faster than anyone I ever saw in my life.
The punch hit Ryan in the mouth so hard, I heard something pop.
I covered my mouth as Ryan went face down into the sand.
He didn’t move for a few seconds.
Then he turned his head.
Uly stepped forward and stepped on Ryan’s hand. “I promised her I would kill you.”
“Fuck… Uly…”
“She’s not ready to see that. Yet. So here’s what you’re going to do. Walk home. Find your boys.
Show them what happens when you talk to Belle. Say her name. Make it known. Got it?”
Uly applied pressure with his foot and Ryan screamed.
“Yeah, I got it,” he said. “Fuck, man, I got it. Please. Not my hand…”
“Who are you not allowed to touch?” Uly asked.
“The new one,” Ryan said. “Okay?”
“Say her fucking name.”
“Belle!” Ryan yelled. “Belle! Belle! Belle!”
Uly stepped back and looked at me.
He nodded.
I shrugged my shoulders.
He moved toward me. I smelled his clothes, cologne, and skin.
“Make your move, doll,” he whispered. “Now.”
I thought about Gray. All the stuff he said to me. And how I knew somewhere inside me it was
probably bullshit, but it sounded good and made me feel good. And he did all of that to prove a point
which ended with him painting that V on my locker.
And then Ryan… and the other guys…
Oh, Joff smacking my mother around…
I stepped toward Ryan and bent my knees.
I brought my cigarette toward his face and he rolled away from me.
“Don’t burn me,” he said. “Fuck, you’re as crazy as them.”
“Them?” I asked.
Ryan grinned, blood and sand on his face. “Stick around and you’ll find out.”
I jabbed the cigarette through the air at him.
He screamed and rolled again and fought to get to his feet.
I stood up. “Don’t ever come near me again, you fucking jock. Stupid asshole. Go suck on a
baseball bat. Or shove a baseball up your ass. You fucking loser!”
Ryan waved his middle finger as he ran down the beach.
 That felt good to do.
Even if Ryan’s warning didn’t sit well with me.
Fuck, you’re as crazy as them.
Them?
Stick around and you’ll find out.
Uly stepped up next to me, a cigarette between his lips. He lowered his head and cupped his
hands as he lit the cigarette.
Dangerous and sexy wasn’t good enough to describe him any longer. But it was all I had for the
moment.
He looked at me and nodded.
We stood together and smoked.
In silence.
Then he started to walk away.
My right hand reached for his. “Where are you going?”
He looked back. “I’m sure I’ll see you around, Belle.”
He pulled his hand away.
The night blanketed him and I stood on the beach alone.
Shaking.
Turned on.
Confused.
But I knew one thing.
Now I definitely had to show up to Bay Falls High.
six

Jo made it very clear she was not going to drive me to Bay Falls High - East.
I was officially on my own.
Which should have scared me, but I couldn’t stop thinking about Uly.
I was intrigued in a way that I wasn’t sure if it was good or not. At the very least it was a
comfortable distraction. Which I needed.
A woman named Sue made me breakfast, served me coffee and orange juice, and asked if I
needed directions. I lied and told her I didn’t.
I left the house with a bag and realized I was going to drive the super expensive car Jo left for me.
That was my ride. My wheels.
And face it…
It was fucking fun to drive.
The tinted windows and glow of the lights from the dashboard made me feel like a total badass.
I helped myself to a few practice laps around the driveway just to get a feel for the car. Which
was simple: touchy and fast. Just thinking about moving and the car wanted to do eighty. Far from
what I was used to. Sarah had a beater car that sometimes took coaxing to get it to start. And the
wipers would turn off while halfway up. Oh, and the sunroof leaked in the rain so she had a towel to
put across the middle console in case of a storm.
But this car…
Not to mention the fact that anything I wanted I could tell it to do.
Play a song? Done.
Turn up the volume? Sure thing, Belle.
Directions to Bay Falls High - East? Here you go…
On the screen it showed it as BFH and that seemed kind of cool to me.
“BFH,” I whispered.
I nodded.
I could get used to it.
I could hang back and observe.
Figure out what classes I needed to take to finish up and then be done.
And maybe if I did that… proved myself to Jo a little… who knows. Maybe she’d help me some
more. I hated to think of things in terms of money, but it was kind of a big deal. Living my entire life
without it and then living a few hours with it, the difference was staggering and I already knew what I
preferred.
I certainly wasn’t cut out to be a doctor, but maybe there was a chance I could do something with
my writing. Or just be the loser that lived off of someone else while perfecting my manuscript.
Right?
Yeah, fucking right, Belle.
That voice was the voice of the car talking back to me.
Which made me laugh.
When I saw BFH, I let out a long breath.
 The building looked like an old castle.
Or some kind of prestigious university or something.
A very big, tall, wide, old building.
The entrance was the tallest part. Almost like a church steeple that went for miles into the air with
a giant clock perched near the top.
I slowed to observe the building and someone behind me beeped their horn.
I sped up and pulled into the parking lot.
I parked in the first open spot I could find and got out of the car, expecting everyone to be staring
at me.
There weren’t many people around and it took me four seconds to see that my super expensive car
wasn’t the only one there. It was… everyone’s car. Fancy SUV. Low to the ground custom cars. Each
with emblems of car companies that I knew were either crazy expensive or ones I didn’t even know. I
took my phone out and searched the name of one and gasped when I saw the base model for the car
was over one hundred thousand dollars.
I put my phone away and mentally slapped myself.
This was Bay Falls High.
Everyone was loaded.
Duh.
I skipped going through the main doors and entered through a side door.
As luck would have it, it was right next to the main office.
That’s where I needed to start my day.
I opened the heavy door to the office and was hit by the smell of cleanliness, paper, perfume, and
cologne. It was almost cliché how every office smelled the same.
There was a dark brown door with a name tag on it.
Hagan Werthwood
Under that: Principal
Under that: Bay Falls High East
I lifted my eyebrow.
East?
Did that mean there was another building somewhere?
Feeling a little nervous now, I took my notebook out of my bag and opened it to a clean page.
I managed to write a few words before I started to flip back, wanting to find the page that Uly had
seen and memorized.
I had no luck so I went back to writing.
I never knew what was good or not.
What mattered or not.
But it was something.
“I will do all I can to help you, Miss Whitaker.”
I peeked from the corner of my eye and saw a woman leaving Principal Werthwood’s office. She
was tall, skinny, brown curly hair that bounced on her shoulders even when she wasn’t walking. Her
right wrist had bracelets and a watch. Her left wrist had a small tattoo on it.
Nice.
Principal Werthwood looked at me and nodded. “I’ll be with you in one minute.”
My face burned hot. Like I was in trouble.
I didn’t even get to say okay before he shut the door.
 The woman - Miss Whitaker - put her head back and sighed. “It’s important. It helps them. Can’t
anyone understand that? No. Let’s just shuffle them through. So they can work for their parents…”
She slowly looked at me.
“Sorry,” I said.
“Don’t be,” she said. “At least this way I’m not some crazy woman talking to myself, right?”
“Yeah. Exactly.”
She walked by me and peered down at my notebook. “Anything good in there?”
I hurried to shut the notebook. “Nothing. Believe me.”
“His bark is louder than his bite,” Miss Whitaker said to me, nodding toward Principal
Werthwood's office. “Just listen and get out of there.”
She left the office.
Before I could ask myself what the hell that was about, Principal Werthwood emerged from his
office and called my name.
Belle Bablebit.
Then he added something that made me shiver.
It’s time.

***

Principal Werthwood loved to talk. He loved to keep the fingertips of his hands touching. He loved
to talk with his eyebrows tilted like he was pissed off. He loved BFH. East. He made sure to put that
in there each time he spoke.
He finally stopped his history lesson on himself and the building and slid me a piece of paper.
“Four classes,” he said. “Start there today and we’ll see where else I can fit you in. I understand
you just want to finish and move on. I hope that’s true. Nothing worse than trying and failing.”
“Well, if you don’t try, you intend to fail, right?”
“Good answer, Miss Bablebit,” he said. “I understand there were some… family issues…” I saw
the way his face looked a little sad yet even more anger. And I swore he gritted his teeth for a second.
“I’m… uh…”
Shit. Jo. You never told me what the story was here. What do I say? What do I do here?
“Dr. Thorburn is well respected,” Principal Werthwood said. “And from what she’s told me, you
plan on showing up, doing the work, finishing, and that’s it.”
“I have nothing else to offer,” I said.
“Oh?”
“I’m not rich. I don’t come from a rich family. So I won’t be donating a wing to your building or
whatever it is these rich parents do. So, yeah, I have nothing to offer.”
Principal Werthwood put his fingertips together again. “You’re quite honest.”
“No need to bullshit anyone.”
“Okay then. I’ll have someone show you to your locker. And then you can take a tour. Get your
classwork. And get to work.”
“Sounds like a plan, man,” I said.
“Excuse me?”
“Sorry. I say stupid things when I’m nervous.”
 “No need to be nervous, Belle,” Principal Werthwood said in a relaxed voice. He put his hands to
his desk and stood up. “Let me show you the way out, Miss Bablebit.”
He hurried toward the door and opened it.
It was pretty damn obvious there was something with Principal Werthwood and Jo. Maybe not
like that but if she had pull… I mean, one phone call and I’m suddenly at BFH?
That was crazy.
And there was a story to it.
I stepped out of the office and there was someone waiting for me.
She got right in my face too.
Where I came from, that meant you were going to fight.
“Hey, Belle!” she yelled. “I’m Lizzy. I’m your tour guide. All I ask is that you keep your hands
and feet in the vehicle at all times.”
Whoa, bitch… switch to decaf…
“Right,” Principal Werthwood said. “You two go on and have an amazing day.”
“We will!” Lizzy yelled.
She hooked her arm into mine and pulled me out of the office into the hallway.
She trotted. And skipped. And… ew.
She was excited and happy.
Double ew.
We turned the first corner and Lizzy unhooked her arm from mine. She put her back against the
wall, then her head and groaned.
“Fuuuuck,” she called out.
“What?”
Lizzy looked at me and curled her lip. “Fuck. I hate fucking acting like that. But you have to keep
him away from you. It’s…whatever. Doesn’t matter. I’m Lizzy. That’s my real name. The shit show
you just saw was for good measure. So please tell me you didn’t buy into that bullshit I just spewed in
there.”
“No,” I said.
“Tell me something about yourself then.”
“My name is Belle. My mother’s best friend kind of saved my ass. My mother means well but is a
giant fucking mess. I’ve basically lived broke my entire life but now I live in a mansion and drive a
really expensive car and go to this fancy place. So my head is still spinning from everything that just
happened. And I’m glad you’re not some little ass-kissing princess. But truthfully, I don’t care who
you are. So if you want to stop wasting time, tell me where my locker is. After you do that, I’m going
to go outside and smoke a cigarette before I head to my first class of total awkwardness and hearing
whispers behind my back. Cool?”
Lizzy pushed from the wall and nodded. “Cool. Just one quick change.”
“Oh?”
“I’m going to join you for a cigarette too.”

***

“No fucking way,” Lizzy said as we walked another long hall together.
 The building was as big inside as it was outside. It had plenty of windows but felt dark at the
same time. It was actually a little cozy to me. There was a feel to it that I could get used to. There was
nothing on the walls. No pictures. No bulletin boards. Nothing.
It had the vibe that Principal Werthwood had given off.
We were all here to go to class and get out.
That worked for me.
“Did you hear me?” Lizzy asked as she nudged me.
“Yeah. No. What?”
“I said no fucking way,” she said.
“Okay?”
Lizzy rolled her eyes.
She stopped walking and opened a locker.
It was full of books and notebooks. Pictures hung up with magnets. A mirror that she used to check
her bright blonde hair with. She probably liked to look at her eyes too. They were crystal clear blue.
She had that princess bitch look even if she didn’t act it.
She grabbed a bottle of body spray and doused herself.
She offered it to me.
“No thanks,” I said. “I don’t mind smelling like smoke. I’m not afraid of who I am.”
Lizzy laughed. “You’re such a cold bitch, Belle. I love it. Be careful though, that will get you
plenty of likes.”
“What?”
“The guys around here… they’ll sniff you right out. If they already haven’t.”
“Yeah, well, I met the baseball players,” I said.
“Who?”
“Ryan,” I said.
“Oh. That douchebag. And his three buddies, right?”
“Yeah. I took care of it.”
“Meaning?”
“Look at Ryan’s face and then talk to me.”
“You hit Ryan?” Lizzy asked. “I think I just fell in love with you.”
I opened my mouth to say not exactly…
“Wait,” I said instead. “Where’s my locker? I assume this is yours, right?”
“This one is mine,” Lizzy said. “And this one is yours…”
Lizzy pointed to the one next to her.
I smiled.
So that was the whole no fucking way comment.
She rattled off the combo and I opened the locker.
It was empty.
“More good news,” Lizzy said. “Your first class is with me. Ditch your shit and let’s go for a
walk.”
I put my bag into the locker and kept my phone with me.
I shut the locker and leaned against it. “Hey. What’s with the East thing here?”
“What do you mean?” Lizzy asked.
“Principal Werthwood kept saying East over and over. Is there a West?”
Lizzy suddenly looked very serious. “Yeah, there is. It’s on the other side of town. Come on, we’ll
walk and talk.”
I stood shoulder to shoulder with Lizzy as she led the way to whatever version of math they were
trying to sell us on. I hated math. I hated it hard. My mother told me it was okay because my brain was
made for arts, not math and science. Yet I still had to take the classes and deal with the bullshit of
them all.
“There’s always been this East vs. West thing. Simply put - nobody likes each other. Here, it’s
mostly doctors and lawyers. A different kind of rich person, if you can believe that. Over there at
West it’s mostly business people. Any and all kinds of business. If you ask me, some of it is not legit
at all.”
“What does that mean?” I asked.
“Use your imagination, Belle,” Lizzy said. “And on top of that, they have ties to BC.”
“What is BC?”
“Brooks Crest,” Lizzy said, shaking her head. “Don’t ever talk about it either. That’s the place
where they send those who can’t function the right way.”
“Meaning…”
Lizzy stopped walking. “You get into trouble and you face whatever happens, right? That’s how it
goes. Or at least that’s how you learned it. Not here. You get into trouble and you get sent to BC.
Basically you get tossed away to be forgotten. Nobody wants their name associated with anything
bad. You know?”
“That seems fucking insane.”
“Welcome to this side of the world, Belle. The grass is definitely greener, but it’s also really
fucking fake too. Believe me. Everyone at BC… here… the other place… they all have secrets.”
“The other place, huh?” I asked. “Bay Falls High West…?”
“No. Hidden Creek High. Loser school. They mostly fight with West though. It’s kind of nice to sit
up here and watch it. Such lame stuff. But lately things have been quiet there and the whole East vs.
West is starting again. My advice is to not ask questions and stay away. I can tell you who’s okay or
not. If you trust me.”
“Can I trust you?”
“No,” Lizzy with a grin.
“So is rude bitch sarcasm a thing here?” I asked. “Because you’ve got it. And the woman I’m
staying with is-”
“You’re crashing with Dr. Thornburn, right?”
“Yeah. How did you know?”
“I know,” she said. “She’s cool. Really mean too. But she saved my grandfather’s life.”
“She did?”
“Yeah,” Lizzy said. We stopped walking next to a large door. “He was having chest pains. Tried
to hide it from us too. My mother found him hunched over the bathroom sink, unable to breathe. He got
rushed to the hospital and then Dr. Thornburn did something to him. Some kind of heart surgery. Like a
really big one. I think it was… six hours? Maybe more.”
“For one surgery?”
“Yeah,” Lizzy said. “Dr. Thornburn is a badass bitch. Anyone and everyone knows her. She’s
crazy rich too. Not just from being a doctor. She’s kind of got a little bit of West and East in her. Best
part is nobody fucks with her. Because they might need her.” Lizzy snorted. “That’s how it is with
everyone. That’s all part of the East vs. West thing. Anyway, ready for this?”
Lizzy pulled the door open before I could answer.
I guess I had no choice, huh?
seven

I survived the first two classes.

And I survived the first lunch.
The food was like something you’d order from a restaurant. A really expensive restaurant at that.
Yet everyone seemed to complain.
All eyes were on me wherever I went but I played it off.
My eyes were doing the same thing though.
Except I didn’t care about anyone… I was looking for someone.
For him.
For Uly.
I sat down at the table to find Lizzy talking to someone who wasn’t at the table when I left to go
throw my trash out.
This girl had orange looking eyes that glowed like a cat. And hair that was crazy dark brown,
almost black, but when the sunlight or any light hit it, it had a brownness to it.
She looked at me, nodded, and looked right back at Lizzy.
“I told you the truth about it,” she said. “You can walk blind. I don’t give a shit. I’m not your
caretaker, Lizzy.”
“But you are a cunt, Danica.”
Lizzy stood up and walked away.
I sat there with my eyes wide open.
Danica slid down until she was across from me. “Hey.”
“Hey.”
“I’m Danica. And I am a cunt.”
“Good to know,” I said. “I’m Belle. I’m not sure if I’m a cunt or not.”
“That’s okay. We’ll figure it out. Don’t mind Lizzy. She’s out of her mind. Heard you got stuck
with her today. My condolences.”
“Okay…”
“Lizzy is okay,” Danica said. “She walks a fine line. I think we all do. It’s in our blood around
here. Have to always keep your guard up. Remember that.”
Danica pointed at me.
I pointed back. “Quick tip? Don’t fucking talk to me like that, okay? I’m not some fucking new girl
that needs to learn the ropes. You have no idea where I came from. Who I am. Why I’m here. How
long I’m going to be here. Understand?”
Danica slowly smiled. “Good for you, Belle. You’re going to need that attitude to survive this
place. And survive Lizzy. But don’t tell her I said that.”
“What’s so bad about Lizzy?” I asked.
I did not want to be submerged into BFH gossip, but…
“Don’t worry about it,” Danica said. “Did you meet anyone else yet? You’ve been looking around
like you know someone.”
“What? No.”
 “Get better at lying,” Danica said as she stood up.
“Uly,” I said.
She froze halfway standing. “What?”
“Uly,” I said. “I met Uly. Yesterday. Last night. But he’s not here today.”
“Oh, I’m sure he’s here,” Danica said. “Now if I tell you to forget about him… to pretend you
never met him… to erase his name from your mind… you won’t listen. I know it. I can tell that about
you already.”
“Okay… so tell me something about him,” I said.
“Easy. Stay away. Run away. Hook up with someone, and fast. So you look like you have a
boyfriend. Pretend to be happy. Ignore him. Walk the other way. Get what I’m saying?”
“I get it,” I said.
“Get what?” Lizzy asked as she sat back down. “You two finally met?”
“We met,” Danica said. “I told her to watch her back near you.”
“You’re a bitch,” Lizzy said.
“It’s pronounced cunt,” Danica said.
She puckered her lips and kissed the air.
She walked away and I stared at her.
“She’s actually really cool,” Lizzy said. “She just lives on the edge and doesn’t care what anyone
thinks.”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“Hey, you okay?” Lizzy nudged me. “Did she say something to you? About me? Tell me if she
did.”
“No,” I said. “I just… it’s been a day.”
“Of course it has,” Lizzy said. “Almost done. We should hang later too. You can come to my
place. Or I can drop by yours. I know where Dr. Thorburn lives. You tell me.”
“Okay. Cool. Yeah.”
We both stood up at the same time.
We walked to our lockers in silence.
I opened my locker and grabbed my bag.
“I can tell Danica to meet us too,” Lizzy said.
I turned my head and pulled my bag out of the locker.
“Sure,” I said.
I threw my bag over my shoulder and stepped back.
I felt someone crash into me.
Or me crash into someone.
I stepped back again and hit someone else.
My bag fell off my shoulder and hit the floor.
It was unzipped - of course it was - and my stuff slid across the floor.
For a split second I was pinned between two guys.
Two of the hottest guys I had ever seen in my life.

***
They walked right by me after staring me down for a quick second.
One with eyes that looked gray. Brown hair pushed back. A white t-shirt, leather jacket, an aura of
so fucking cool pouring from him.
The other guy with amber eyes, a perfect haircut with a straight line cut along the side of his head,
black hair pushed to the other side of his head. Fucking gorgeous with tattoos pouring from the tight
sleeves of his t-shirt, down to his wrist.
And as fast as they stole my breath, they were gone.
The one with the tattoos lifted his foot over my notebook and looked back at me.
Those eyes were beautiful…
He put his foot down on the notebook and twisted to kick it back to me.
And then they kept walking again.
There were papers on the floor, my notebook twisted, a page mostly ripped out of it.
“Fucking great,” I whispered.
I crouched down and looked at the two guys.
I shook my head.
“Yeah, thanks for that,” I called out.
“Belle, no,” I heard Lizzy say.
But it was too late.
The two guys heard me.
They stopped and turned.
Gray eyes and amber eyes.
I sucked in a nervous breath.
Where was Uly to save me again, right?
Amber Eyes walked toward me, slow and smooth.
Anyone within arms-length got out of his way.
He didn’t have to say a word. They all just moved to let him through.
I stared up at Amber Eyes.
I wasn’t going to bow down to any of this shit.
“Want me to help?” Amber Eyes asked.
“Yes,” I said.
“Beg me.”
“What?”
“Beg me. In front of everyone here. Beg me to help you.”
“You did this,” I said. “You knocked my bag off my shoulder and-”
“Beg me,” he said again.
“No.”
I heard some ooohhh’s.
Amber Eyes nodded. “Not my favorite word, angel.”
“Get used to it with me,” I said.
He crouched down. He grabbed my notebook.
His eyes… those eyes… the way his hairline was so perfectly cut… the tone of his arms… the
ink… the colors…
My eyes bounced all around as I tried to hold myself steady.
I grabbed my bag and held it open. “Put it in here.”
 Amber Eyes grinned. “Not the first time I’ve heard a pretty girl say that to me.”
I gasped.
He grabbed the loose page from my notebook and ripped it out.
He dropped the notebook on the floor and stood up.
I watched as he folded it up and tucked it into his back pocket.
That’s mine, asshole. That’s my fucking writing, you gorgeous douchebag. Give it back… to
me…
Amber Eyes turned and walked to Gray Eyes.
I reached for my notebook as the rest of BFH just went back to their normal day and life.
“Holy shit, Belle,” Lizzy said as she helped me pack up my bag.
“What?” I asked.
“You can’t do that stuff,” she said. “Not with them.”
“Them?”
“That’s what we all call them… Them.”
“Right,” I said.
“That was Hil and Ash. Ash was the one you talked to.”
“Got it,” I said.
“What did he take from your notebook?”
“Something personal,” I said. “Something I wrote.”
“Shit,” Lizzy said. “Well, it’s his now. And whatever he does with it, just play it off. Usually he
just walks by and makes a comment. I’ve never seen them stop like that. At least not unless they were
going to beat the hell out of someone… but you’re not a guy. Obviously.”
“Obviously,” I said.
I zipped my bag and stood up.
I shook my head.
I threw my bag into my locker, feeling stupid and confused. I didn’t need my bag. I didn’t need to
take it out of my locker. It was just I had so much… on my mind…
First Uly.
Now Hil and Ash.
I looked at Lizzy after I shut my locker. “Can I ask you something?”
“Okay.”
“Hil and Ash. Do they have anything to do with Uly?”
Lizzy’s face went white. “You know Uly?”
“Had a similar introduction to him like I did with Hil and Ash. Why?”
“If I were you, I’d go find a horseshoe, a rabbit’s foot, some pennies on whatever side is
supposed to bring you good luck.”
“Are they really that bad?” I asked.
Lizzy nodded. There was no bullshitting on her face. “Belle, trust me… stay away from Them.”

***

At the end of the day I caught myself flipping through my notebook, desperate to figure out what
page Ash had stolen from me. Because - breaking news shocker! - I had some personal stuff written
in that notebook. My enjoyment of the idea of free verse poetry led me to writing quick stories and
also using the notebook as a little bit of a personal diary. Complete with stories about myself, myself
with someone, and all my feelings on certain situations.
And if Ash was the kind of asshole douche to just rip a page out of my notebook and tell me to beg
like I was a dog looking for a treat, then the sky was the limit on what he’d do with that piece of
paper.
At least Uly read something and memorized it, turning it into something flirty.
Right?
I shut my eyes and shut the notebook.
My thoughts always rushing back to Uly needed to stop.
I half thought about just going back to the old apartment.
Or at least back home. I could probably crash with Sarah for a little while. See how things would
go with my mother. And then…
“You made it through the day, Belle.”
I turned my head and Lizzy had a big smile on her face.
“What do I get?” I asked.
“To go to one of the craziest cool houses in this town,” she said. “I heard Dr. Thornburn has a
pool with a waterfall and a cove.”
“Yeah,” I said. “Waterfall is a little dramatic, but it’s sort of there. The cove looks cool.”
“Looks cool?” Lizzy asked. “You didn’t go in there yet?”
I shook my head.
“Why not?”
I opened my mouth but stopped myself.
Lizzy didn’t need all the details of Uly and I meeting on the beach.
I shrugged my shoulders instead.
“Well, I’ll come by later with Danica,” she offered. “We can all test it out together. I might even
bring something to help ease your mind from such a crazy day.”
“Oh?” I asked.
Lizzy winked. “Can we make this thing official and can I get your number, Belle?”
“Yeah, sure,” I said.
I told her my number and she sent me a text.
A middle finger emoji.
“Thanks,” I said with a smile.
Lizzy surprised me with a hug from the side. “I’m happy you’re here. And I’d love to know
everything about why you’re here. Where you came from. If you have other friends. And I’ll do
everything I can to tell you about this place.”
“You two done humping yet?”
Lizzy jumped away as Danica stood, waiting, her arms crossed.
I looked at Danica and she winked at me.
“Where did you park?” she asked me.
“Near the office,” I said.
“Don’t park there again,” Danica said. “Go around back. That’s where we park.”
“I can walk you to your car,” Lizzy offered.
“I’m good,” I said. “Believe it or not… where I grew up, it was pretty rough. I can handle a walk
in the daylight to my car.”
 “So, what, you grew up in a bad neighborhood or what?” Danica asked. “Ever see someone get
shot and killed?”
“Don’t ask her that,” Lizzy snapped.
“Why not? It’s the truth. Right?”
“I’ve seen a lot,” I said. “And when you don’t have money, you’ll do anything to get to tomorrow.
That’s very different from everything here.”
“That’s wild, Belle,” Danica said. “Remember what I told you.”
I nodded.
“What did you tell her?” Lizzy asked.
“Come on, let’s get out of here,” Danica said.
She walked away and Lizzy chased her down, grabbing her arm. “Did you tell Belle something
about me? What is wrong with you?”
I laughed and shook my head.
I guess they were sort of my friends now.
I wasn’t even sure if Jo wanted me to invite people over. I wasn’t going to be a hermit though.
Even in a mansion, it could easily get claustrophobic. If anything, I’d just tell them they were allowed
in the pool and the pool house.
Nothing wrong with that I assumed.
I grabbed my bag, shut my locker, and shook my head again.
I walked the halls with a stone cold bitch look on my face, but my eyes danced all around,
wondering if I was going to see Ash again. Or Hil. Or Uly.
Wondering out of fear?
Or wondering out of want?
I exited BFH through the same door I came in through.
The air was warm and sunny. I swore I could smell the salt of the ocean lingering in the air. I
craved a cigarette. I craved a lot more than that too. Mostly it was answers. But I’d deal with getting
answers later.
First I just needed…
I slowed my walking and let out a long sigh, chasing away all my thoughts.
I could see my car - Jo’s car - right where I parked it.
And there were three people waiting for me.

***

No.
It wasn’t Uly.
It wasn’t Ash.
It wasn’t Hil.
It was three girls.
Just the sight of them screamed rotten, spoiled bitch.
They were like perfect dolls, standing there in different outfits with different color hair. Pretty
blonde hair. Sexy brunette hair. Devious black hair. All wearing jeans with enough holes in them that I
wasn’t sure they could actually qualify as jeans. Their pockets were showing. And plenty more than
just the pockets. Their tops were thin string straps and low cut, wanting it to be known that they were
each endowed with a chest.
Good for you.
Little Miss Brunette was the one sitting on the hood of the car.
She had a cup in her hand. A green cup with a thick, red straw.
When she saw me, she moved from the hood of the car and stuck the straw in her mouth.
“This your parking spot?” I asked.
“Ew, why would we park here?” Little Miss Blonde asked.
“Just asking,” I said.
“Quit asking stupid questions then,” Little Miss Brunette said.
I nodded to the straw. “Practicing for your boyfriend?”
The other two gasped.
“Lila, Maya, did this bitch just say what I think she did?” Little Miss Brunette asked.
“She totally did, Sophie,” Lila said.
“This is a nice set of wheels,” Sophie said as she swirled the cup in her hand.
“Yeah it is,” I said. “It’s not mine though.”
“Of course it’s not,” Maya said. “We know who you are. Who you really are.”
“Oh no,” I said. “You figured me out. Here I thought I could pull off the wealthy cunt routine like
you.”
Lila stepped forward and Sophie put her arm out. “Not yet, Lila. We’ll feel her out first.”
“You want to feel me…?” I asked. “Sorry, I’m not interested.”
“Oh, I think you are,” Sophie said. “You’re into anything, right? That’s why you ran from your old
town. You tried to keep it all a secret.”
“Keep what a secret?” I asked.
Maya gave me a peace sign.
I lifted my eyebrow.
“Ohmygod,” she said. “You’re so poor, you’re stupid too.” She then drew a line from finger to
finger, down and up, making a V. “See? A… V…”
I swallowed hard.
I gritted my teeth.
“No idea what you think you know about me,” I said. “I’m not here for any bullshit or drama.”
“Wrong,” Lila said. “So, so, so wrong.”
“Stay away from Max,” Sophie said.
I laughed. “That’s what this is?”
“Stay away from them all,” Maya said.
“Except Ryan,” Lila said.
“No, even Ryan,” Maya said.
“You still like him?” Lila asked. “I thought you got that out of your system. You said you were
going to just… one and done…”
“Save this for later,” Sophie said to her friends. “Let’s handle the problem right in front of us
first.”
“Trust me, there is no problem,” I said.
“Good,” Sophie said. “Now we’re on the same page. Now if only I could stop being such a
klutz.”
“What?” I asked.
 Sophie looked over her shoulder and tossed her cup into the air.
It hit the hood of the car and the lid popped off with ease, spraying the hood of the car with
something red and thick. Very thick. Smoothie thick.
“Oops,” Sophie said.
“Wait,” Lila said. “It’s not done yet.”
She reached with her left hand and dipped her finger into the mess and made a V.
Then she showed me her red fingertip.
“You can run but you can’t hide,” Maya said.
She tossed her blonde hair over her shoulder.
I made a move for her and Lila clicked her tongue at me. “You don’t want to do that. Not to us.
Believe me.”
“Try me,” I said.
I brought my fist back.
Maya was going to take a shot from my knuckles and then eat whatever the hell was on the hood of
Jo’s car.
Maya jumped at Sophie and Sophie jumped at Lila. The three of them were then huddled together,
scurrying away like they were afraid of me.
I raised my eyebrow, confused.
Then I smelled smoke.
Cigarette smoke.

***

“Why the hell did you park there, doll?” Uly asked so cool and casual.
“They were afraid of you,” I said. “I was going to punch that bitch in the face.”
“I’m sure you were,” he said. “They’re like hyenas. You know? Better to just ignore them.”
“They want me to stay away from the baseball team,” I said. “Maybe your punch to Ryan’s jaw
wasn’t hard enough.”
Uly curled his lip. “So now you’re tempting me to do worse?”
“Maybe I am.”
“You might regret that.”
“Why me? You’re the one who lives here. I’m just visiting.”
“More than visiting, doll. You have no idea what you’re in the middle of right now.”
“And I’m sure you won’t tell me either,” I said.
Uly walked around me.
I shut my eyes and inhaled.
The smell of smoke, clothes, and cologne hit me the same way it did last night.
Today he wore a long sleeve shirt with three buttons at the top. The sleeves pushed up a little. The
same necklaces around his neck. The same messy hair sticking out from under his beanie. The
swagger in his walk.
“What happened here?” he asked.
“That’s blood,” I said. “I ran over someone this morning. Don’t get annoying, Uly, or you’ll be
next.”
 He half grinned at me. “I like your edgy side, Belle.”
“Oh, right, because you know so much about me,” I said.
Uly turned on his heels and closed in on me.
I’m talking inches apart.
His eyes burning down at me.
Threatening to melt me faster than ice cream in the sun.
“I know more than you can possibly imagine,” Uly said.
I opened my mouth but I had nothing to offer.
That wasn’t cool. That wasn’t like me.
Uly walked back to the car and pointed. “A V?”
“Yeah,” I said.
“V for… I wonder…”
He looked at me again and smirked.
My heart sank.
Did he know? Did those bitches actually know too? How did they know…?
I stepped toward Uly.
He flicked his cigarette to the ground as hard as he could. Then he dipped his finger into the stuff
Sophie threw at my car. He hooked his finger and stared at me as he put his finger into his mouth.
“What if…”
I held back.
If it was something not edible, then he’d suffer.
Instead of keeling over and dying, Uly grinned even more.
“Cherry, doll,” he said. “Not bad.” He smacked his lips together. “Fresh… cherry…”
He pointed to the V again and my face burned hot.
Uly walked by me, gently bumping into me.
“Yeah, thanks for your help,” I called out to him.
He gave a wave without looking back. “Don’t mention it, Belle. I’m sure I’ll see you again soon.”
Uly went back into BFH.
I looked down at his cigarette on the ground, still smoking.
I looked to the hood of the car, covered in a thick, cherry smoothie.
If this was just the beginning, what would the end look like?
eight

I took the car to a carwash and paid a ton of money to have it cleaned.
Well, I didn’t pay for it.
Jo did.
With her fancy, see-through blue credit card.
Then I went home to find myself alone.
Not exactly alone, but alone from Jo.
There were people in the house, none of which I had ever met before. They all looked at me,
nodded and smiled and said hello.
I just gave an awkward wave and hurried to my room.
Jo had people at the house cooking, cleaning, fixing things, and I swore I heard two people talking
about interior decoration and renovation.
Was that all Jo did with her life and money?
The desire to constantly change things and chase something down?
I never thought being exposed to insane wealth would be so… weird.
In my mind I just pictured stacks and stacks of money and freedom and all the coolest stuff in the
world and being able to travel without worry. Oh, and never having to work. Yet it seemed that’s all
Jo did. She worked. So did she actually enjoy her money? And she was rich before she became a
doctor…
The thoughts were maddening.
I needed a distraction.
And fast.
I ended up breaking down and texting Lizzy first.
I just sent her a bunch of question marks.
She replied with a thumbs up emoji.
Soon?
I hit send.
I walked to the daybed and looked out the window.
Lizzy replied back.
Very soon.
I texted her a book about how to sneak along the beach to the back of the house. It was a panic
text. Me worried that Jo would get pissed that I had friends over. I sent the message before reading it
and realizing what I had sent.
It didn’t help when Lizzy replied with LOL and a wink emoji.
I tossed my phone to the daybed and I went to get my notebook.
I skipped trying to find the page Ash stole and instead went to a blank page.
I sat down and laughed out loud.
What are you going to write about now, Belle?
You don’t leave footprints in the sand
but a few in my mind
with your fucking dancing hair
like the way my heart wants to dance
but I tell it no
take your smoke and find a mirror
stare long enough to see who you really are
take this
or just take one or two
i’ll race you to the water to wash away
all the fake
that you know we probably are
each turn of the hallway there’s another one
like a surprise I don’t want but I can’t look away
so I’ll breathe your smoke
and I’ll break your mirror
and I’ll chase the years that follow

I stopped writing and shook my head.

It was so bad.
So stupid and cliché and just terrible.
I squeezed the pen in my hand even tighter.
Then I slammed it to the page again.

you wear two fucking necklaces. one has a guitar pick that looks a little worn. not that I know
what a used guitar pick looks like. but I mean come on do you fucking play guitar? as if that could
be fair at all. and then there’s a ring. i can’t figure out what kind of ring it is. stop being so
mysterious. it’s my first day. you fucking asshole.

That felt better.

It was still crap though.
I shut the notebook and got changed into something more appropriate for being poolside. Funny
enough, I didn’t have a bathing suit. Which was a little reminder that I had a credit card with no limit.
And Jo wanted me to be happy here… right?
I changed into shorts and a tank top, grabbed my bag, headed downstairs to sit poolside with a
cigarette, a bottle of super fancy water, and my phone so I could shop online for clothes.
How’s that for acting snobby?
As I passed through the kitchen, there were two people cooking.
“I’m going for a swim,” I announced as though they cared.
It was a man and a woman.
 The woman stopped.
I shrugged my shoulders. “Sorry. Habit. Not sure if I’m supposed to talk to you or not.”
She smiled. “You’re Belle, right?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m Brie,” she said. “I’ve been cooking for Jo for a long time now. You can talk to me. I’m a real
human. And this is my career. I love what I do.”
“Shit,” I said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. I didn’t mean it like that. I’m not used to any
of this. I don’t even have a bathing suit.” I forced a laugh. “I’m actually going to sit outside and shop
online. I’ve never done that before either.”
“Can I give you some advice?”
“Sure.”
“Mind if I pull up a site on your phone?”
“Have at it,” I said.
I slid the phone across the counter and realized just how old my phone was too. It wasn’t the
newest fancy model that could climb into bed with you and punch you in my mouth if you were going
to be late for work or whatever.
“Here,” Brie said. “This is where you should shop.”
I looked at the site. “What is it?”
“Local place,” she said. “They’ll bring everything today. You can try it all on and decide what
you want to keep. Anything you don’t want, they’ll come and take it back.”
“Whoa. That’s neat.”
“If you can cater to someone’s needs, you’ll be set for life,” Brie said. “A lot of people around
here don’t have to actually shop. The place is called Callie’s. My best friend is Callie. She came up
with the concept and ran with it. You could totally shop wherever you want. I’m not trying to get my
friend business. I’m just saying this is what a lot of people use around here. And in your case… if you
need some clothes right now, just order it and they’ll be here by tonight.”
“That fast?” I asked.
Brie laughed. “Trust me, when they see the address, they’ll make sure of it.”
“That’s really cool.”
“If you’re going to shop there, I’ll give Callie a heads up too.” Brie winked and turned to go back
to her work.
I wandered outside and sat down at the edge of the pool near the waterfall. I dipped my toes into
the water and of course it was the perfect temp.
I sat there and shopped Callie’s site.
There was really a little bit of everything.
I trained my eyes to ignore the price tag. Because everything was fucking expensive. But I needed
some clothes. And I wasn’t going to go overboard and act spoiled.
So I put together a small order with a big total.
I put in the credit card info and hit the SUBMIT button and that was that.
I put the credit card back into my bag and left my bag under a huge umbrella on a glass table.
My hand dug back into my bag to find a cigarette.
Then I walked to the beach and stood there and smoked.
It was all easy.
At least at Jo’s.
BFH wasn’t easy. Not yet. But it would be.
 I’d figure it out.
Guys like Uly, Ash, and even Hil… they were looking for attention. Because I was new to them.
Them.
That’s what they were called, right?
Them.
I laughed to myself.
“Look at this badass bitch over here, smoking a cigarette, looking ready to fight someone.”
I turned my head and nodded to Danica. “Hey.”
“Hey yourself. Look at you. You have me nervous. And a little turned on.”
“Good to know,” I said.
I took another drag of the cigarette and groaned.
“Where’s Lizzy?” I asked.
“She’ll be here in a few,” Danica said. “She got tied up. Not literally.”
I laughed. “Again… good to know.”
Danica looked at the house. “That’s one hell of a house back there.”
“Yeah,” I said. “Biggest house I’ve ever seen.”
Danica whistled. Then she set her sights on me. “Heard you ran into Them.”
“Yeah,” I said. “They were so nice to me too.”
“What?”
“No, seriously. I mean, Hil just stood there and watched as Ash ripped a page out of my notebook
and stole it. Oh, and then Ash wanted me to beg him to help clean up the mess he made. Oh, and it gets
better. Outside, at my car… well, Jo’s car… these three twat heads were waiting for me. And one
threw a cherry smoothie on the hood of the car. Now, before I could beat the hell out of the three
bitches, Uly showed up.”
“That’s a long day,” Danica said. “Not that you want my advice on anything, so feel free to just
ignore me, but Sophie and her robots… don’t worry too much about them. They are loud and
annoying. You can either ignore them or just do what you said. Slap those bitches into next Thursday.”
“Yeah, well, they were pissed about me talking to the baseball players. Fucking losers.”
“All of them are,” Danica said. “I’d be more worried about Them.”
“Why? What’s so bad? They’re just moody boys. I’ve dealt with that before.”
“Not like this, Belle,” Danica said.
“I’m here!” a voice cried out.
It was Lizzy. Stomping over the sand, her arms out as she tried to keep her balance.
She had a bag over her right shoulder and wasted no time in opening the bag when she was close
enough to Danica and me.
“Ready to have some fun?” Lizzy asked.
I looked into the bag and saw two bottles.
My eyes moved up to Lizzy’s.
“What?” she asked. “A little drink never hurt anyone.”
“That’s more than a little,” I said.
“You’ve earned it,” Danica said with a laugh.
“I have to see this fucking pool,” Lizzy said.
She closed her bag and walked by me.
Danica followed.
I shook my head.
 One drink wasn’t going to hurt anyone, right?

***

Okay, the cove thing was really fucking awesome.

You had to hurry and walk under the waterfall to get into it. But when you did… wow. It was
really cozy. The echoing sound of the water rushing above and the sound of the waterfall was
soothing. There were neon lights in the cove. And there was a built out seat that covered the entire
wall.
A black control panel was high enough up to keep it from getting wet. That panel controlled
everything in the cove. That included the lights. The speed of the water on the waterfall. And it even
hooked up to your phone to listen to music. Next to that was a shelf to put your phone.
“Yeah, this works,” Danica said.
“I could get used to this,” Lizzy said as she sat down on the rock looking bench.
The entire cove looked like a rock cave.
I stood up while Danica and Lizzy were sitting, the water up to their chests.
I was still in regular shorts. White shorts.
And a dark blue shirt.
The water made my shirt cling to my body.
“No bathing suit yet?” Lizzy asked.
“Not yet,” I said. “I just ordered a bunch of stuff. It’ll be here soon.”
“You know, if any one of Them were here right now, they’d be all over you, Belle,” Danica said
with a grin. “Wet clothes. Tight against your body.”
“Shut up,” I said.
I sat down in the water.
Lizzy wasted no time in helping herself to a drink from the bottle she brought. She then slid it my
way to hand me the bottle.
I sipped the vodka.
“So tell us what actually happened that brought you here,” Danica said. “I mean, if you trust us.”
“I don’t need to hide anything,” I said. “My mother is a disaster. She and Jo were once really
good friends. I came home to her boyfriend… hurting her… and then Jo showed up. She was tougher
than the cops.”
“I don’t doubt that,” Lizzy said.
“You know she broke a wine glass over my mother’s friend’s head?” Danica asked.
“What? Really?” I asked.
“Bullshit,” Lizzy said.
“That’s what I was told,” Danica said. “They were at some swanky bar. Where everyone tries to
outdo each other. Something was said and Jo was like fuck this bitch and she slammed a wineglass to
her head. Crazy shit.”
“I don’t believe that,” Lizzy said.
I thought about Jo. “I kind of do. She doesn’t have time to deal with bullshit.”
“I can’t imagine operating on someone’s heart,” Lizzy said. “That’s so scary.”
“You did a number on Declan’s heart,” Danica said with a laugh.
 “Oh, leave me alone about that,” Lizzy said. “At least I remember losing my virginity.”
“You don’t remember?” I asked Danica.
“It was one of those things,” she said. “A fun party. A fun guy. Whatever. I tried it out again the
next day. So I do remember. Ha.”
“She doesn’t remember,” Lizzy said to me.
“Why does that even matter?” Danica asked.
“It doesn’t,” Lizzy said putting her hands up. “Take it easy over there. Have a drink. Relax a little.
Jeeeez.”
“What’s your story, Belle?” Danica asked. “Care to share about your V Card?”
“Not really,” I said.
“What about your friends back home?” Lizzy asked.
“What about? I’m not living here. Or moving here for good.”
“You should invite them here,” Danica said. “Oh, better yet…” Danica leaned forward. “What if
we set up some nasty stuff.”
“Like what?” I asked.
“Use your friends to fuck with Ryan,” Danica said. “Or with Sophie. Think about it.”
“No,” Lizzy said. “That’s stupid. Who cares about them?”
I did miss Sarah.
It would have been kind of cool to have her, Grace, and Taylor come up here. But it felt weird.
And I wasn’t sure why.
Lizzy and Danica kept bickering over stupid stuff.
I took sips of the vodka when Lizzy handed me the bottle.
And I started to feel okay.
Relaxing in the perfect temp water, enjoying the soft glow of the neon pink lights, listening to the
waterfall.
“Our new friend here met Them,” Danica said. “All of Them.”
“So I’ve heard,” Lizzy said.
“Them,” I said. “Uly, Ash, and Hil. What are they? Friends or something?”
“No,” Lizzy said.
“Ash and Hil are stepbrothers,” Danica said. “But Uly… he’s on his own.”
“But he’s part of Them?” I asked with a laugh. “That makes no sense. And it’s really stupid.”
Lizzy leaned forward. “It’s not…”
She was drunk so her voice said issnot.
“Explain then,” I said.
“They used to be friends,” Danica said. “Like really good friends. And everyone thought with
what happened, things would calm. Meaning the way they acted at BFH. But, nope. It made it worse.”
“Well, what happened? I don’t get why you call them… Them…”
“That’s to make fun of those over at West,” Lizzy said with a giggle. “The stupid fucking Rulz.”
“The rules?” I asked.
“With a z,” Danica said. “How ugh is that? Pres, Kip, and Barr. They’re called the Rulz. They
control Bay Falls High West. The whole East vs. West thing…?”
“Ah, got it,” I said. “This is a lot to learn. Here I thought I was just coming to a rich town with a
bunch of rich people.”
“Oh you don’t know the half of it, Belle,” Lizzy said.
She reached for me and splashed water in my face.
 “Shit!” she yelled.
She stood up and instantly fell over into me.
I put my hands out but had to quickly move them to grab her shoulders and not her chest. Somehow
she ended up curled up in my lap.
She stunk like vodka bad.
I was feeling good but Lizzy was…
“Eek,” I said to Danica.
“She’ll be fine,” Danica said.
“She sort of pounds drinks…”
“Don’t ask,” Danica said.
“Just stay away from Them,” Lizzy said with her drunk eyes looking up at me. “Okay? They will
hurt you. It’s what they do. They… choose, lose, and use. It’s like a game…”
“Lizzy, that’s enough,” Danica said. “They don’t do that anymore. Not since… whatever.”
“Oh, come on,” I said, pushing Lizzy away. She splashed her way to a seat. “You have to tell me
something here. Uly saved me from Ryan and the others. Now Ash… he was a total dick. And Hil
didn’t say anything to me. I don’t get it.”
“You don’t have to get anything, Belle,” Danica said. “It’s a joke. Them is a joke.”
“A joke?” I asked.
“To make fun of the Rulz,” Danica said. “Uly said he, Hil, and Ash didn’t need a name to handle
things. Then he wondered if Pres had stickers and t-shirts made for everyone to wear. So Uly said to
call he, Hil, and Ash… Them.”
Well, that made some sense.
I nodded. “Wow. And they all hate each other? I mean, Them and the Rulz?”
“They really hate each other,” Lizzy chimed in. “It’s like a generation thing. They all hate each
other because their parents hate each other. You know?”
I shook my head.
I didn’t know.
I didn’t know anything about being rich, having rich parents, or anything like that.
“And as far as Uly and the others go,” Danica said, shaking her head. “What’s the one thing that
could rip friends apart?”
“I don’t know,” I said.
“Pussy,” Lizzy said.
She snorted and laughed, throwing her head back, hitting it against the wall.
Her head smacking made an echoing boom sound and she screamed in pain.
“Oh, you stupid fool,” Danica said.
I jumped forward and grabbed for Lizzy’s head.
I dug through her hair to make sure she wasn’t bleeding.
“I’d ask her how many fingers I’m holding up but she’s too drunk for that,” I said.
“I see two boobies though,” Lizzy said and she laughed again.
I stepped back and looked down.
My shirt was soaked. My bra showing through the shirt with ease.
“Is she like this when she’s drunk?” I asked Danica.
“Yeah,” Danica said. “But she’s right. You better get a bathing suit. And soon.”
“My stuff is probably here by now,” I said. “Maybe we should call it a night.”
“We can do that,” Danica said. “It’s your house, Belle. It’s cool hanging here. Sorry she got a little
out of hand.”
“I’ve seen much worse than this,” I said.
“I need to get out of the water,” Lizzy said. “The movement is making me sick.”
Danica and I worked together and pulled Lizzy through the water and out of the pool. She sat at
the edge of pool, slumped forward, and I put a towel around her.
I patted her head.
“You’re a great friend,” she said to me.
“Yeah. You too, Lizzy.”
It’s been all of, what, fifteen hours since we met?
I stood and faced Danica. “You two can sleep on the couch.”
“I’ll take her home.”
“You’re not leaving here drunk.”
“I don’t drink,” Danica said.
“What?” I asked.
“I don’t drink. I hate being drunk. Can’t stand that feeling.”
“But… Lizzy said… the night you…”
Danica shrugged her shoulders. “I didn’t like that. Okay? I was having fun and I let something
happen that maybe I shouldn’t have let happen. Or maybe I didn’t want to have happen. You know?”
My heart suddenly ached for Danica.
I inched toward her and she inched back.
I took the hint and stayed in place.
“I wish I knew that,” I said. “I really don’t drink all that much myself. I thought we were all just
hanging…”
“We were,” Danica said. “You’re not too bad, Belle. You should go check and see if your clothes
came. I’ll drag the drunk bitch to my car and get her home.”
“Okay,” I said. “Thanks for coming. And for telling me what you did. I’m trying to understand it. I
feel like everyone I talk to… I don’t know. Like they all come with a warning.”
Danica laughed. “Welcome to Bay Falls High. I don’t know what your situation is like at home
but if you had friends and guys there… my advice is to run.”
I reached for Danica’s wrist. “It was horrible. I had one good friend. Sarah. The others were
backstabbing bitches. And a guy I thought I was okay with ended up doing something bad to me. To
best honest, I never want to go back there again.”
“Well,” Danica said as she put her hand to my hand. “You need to survive at BFH then.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning… stay away from Them.”
I opened my mouth and stopped.
I nodded.
Danica laughed. “You’re not good at lying. You’ll get there soon though.”
She winked and let me go and helped Lizzy to her feet.
“Come on you drunk bitch,” she said. “Let’s get you home.”
I watched them leave and I stood alone, staring at the water in the pool as it bounced, creating a
rippling effect on the neon lights.
I walked toward the back door and my phone beeped and vibrated with a text.
I wished it was Danica saying she was coming back.
It was an unknown number.
Which could have been Danica.
But the text…
I looked around.
Then I read the text again.
Can’t stop picturing you on your knees, beauty. ;)
nine

You’re such an asshole Uly

I didn’t send the text though.
There was one word that threw me off.
Beauty.
Whoever this was texting me called me beauty.
And as pathetic as it was, as I entered Jo’s house and stopped a few steps in, I pulled up the fresh
(and ungodly hot) memories of Uly. And Ash.
Uly had used the word doll over and over when he was talking to me. Maybe that’s what he
decided to call me. Or maybe that’s what he called everyone.
Then there was Ash.
He was maybe worse than Uly… but that hair and clean cut face and strong jaw line and those
colorful sleeve tattoos pouring from his shirt down to his wrists…
“Angel,” I whispered.
That’s what Ash had called me.
Angel.
Again, that was probably some name he called every girl.
Which meant… if this was the full circle of Them…
Who is this?
The more generic reply back, but whatever.
I started to walk again and a reply quickly came back.
You know exactly who the fuck I am, beauty. You couldn’t keep your eyes off me. Even with
someone closer to look at.
I put my fingers to the screen to type back when another message came through.
What color are my eyes?
I laughed.
I licked my bottom lip.
I replied.
I don’t know. Come see me so I can look for real.
Now that was a dangerous text to send.
But it was sent. Oh well.
I kept walking and then put on the brakes.
I spun around and eyed the back door again.
My bag - and my cigarettes - were still out back.
I went to get them and wait for a response.
Texting… flirting… it made me think of Gray.
Stupid fucking Grayson. Jerk off asshole.
I stood at the glass table to get my stuff when another text vibrated through my phone.
That’s a very dangerous thing to say to someone like me.
The response was eye roll worthy.
 But this was BFH.
I walked back to Jo’s house, my bag over my shoulder.
My eyes were toward the front of the house.
Not that I could actually see the front door from where I was. That required me to take a bus and a
train. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Oh well then.
I wanted to tuck my phone into my back pocket like some badass bitch but my shorts were still
wet.
Before I got to the front door, another text buzzed through.
Don’t ignore me, Belle. I’m the one who knows the truth about Uly.
I reached for the front door and paused.
“Hmm,” I said.
Well, well, well, this just got very interesting, huh?

***

There were a few bags waiting for me outside on the sprawling front porch. Well, it wasn’t actually
a porch at all. It was just a big concrete slab with pillars that were spaced evenly. I mean, you
weren’t going to put some chairs out there and sit and watch the sunset and have a drink and laugh
about all the crazy shit in life.
The bags were a powder blue color with nothing on them.
I sat down on the top step and grabbed the first bag.
They were buttoned shut.
The fanciest bags I had ever seen in my life.
Right there on top was the bathing suit I ordered.
Just a plain dark red bathing suit. Nothing with designs and frills. Just something basic and
simple.
I reached into the bag some more and my phone vibrated again.
Oh, shit, I forgot…
Are you ignoring me?
I grinned.
This was actually kind of fun.
Whatever it was.
I replied back…
What if I am? You won’t even tell me who you are.
I sent the text and put my phone next to me to look in the rest of the first bag.
Everything I had ordered just hours ago was here. Just like Brie said. It was really cool. And I
ordered it without caring about the price tag. Talk about a sense of freedom. Or just being spoiled.
Either way I kind of liked it.
I hated to admit it but I could get used to it.
I already was used to it.
I bit my lip as I pushed the first bag away and reached for the second one.
My phone buzzed with another reply.
 Tell me what you’re doing right now.
I snorted.
I’m going through new clothes. Had them delivered.
He replied back really fast.
Anything you wouldn’t want me to see? ;)
That made me laugh out loud.
Maybe… too bad you’re not here. Right?
I pulled at the buttons of the second bag and let out a playful oooh sound when they popped.
The clothes smelled good too. Which was weird. They didn’t smell like cheap new clothes from a
cheap store. That machine, chemical smell.
They smelled fresh. Real. Expensive.
I couldn’t help myself when I ordered a hoodie, and that was right on top.
I pulled it out and put it to my nose and smelled it.
My next plan was to shower and wear that hoodie to bed.
A text reply waited for me.
Put something on and take a pic. I won’t show anyone. I promise.
Now that made me laugh harder.
You could call me new. You could call me unworthy of this place. You could call me anything…
but to be that naive?
Not a chance in hell, asshole.
Which was actually what I decided to type to him.
Not a chance in hell asshole.
That felt good to send.
I buttoned up both bags and traded fancy clothes for a not-so-fancy cigarette.
I knew which one I liked better.
My phone buzzed again, but it wasn’t a text.
It was a call.
From that same number.

***

I sucked in a breath and wasn’t sure what to do.

I already knew how this would go.
If I ignored the call, he would just call back.
Over and over… and over and over…
Plus, if I answered, I’d get to hear his voice.
Figure out just who this was.
For all I knew, it could have been Sophie playing some bitchy game. Which wouldn’t have
surprised me one bit. She seemed to be the type to try and get a quick pic of me in something meant
for private so she could spread it around BFH.
What a bitch.
Now I had to take the call. Because if it was Sophie, I was going to just hang up on her and then
deal with her in person tomorrow.
 “This better be worth my time,” I said as I took the call and brought my cigarette to my mouth.
“Oh, I think it will be, beauty,” a wickedly smooth and sexy voice said.
It was so shocking that I tried swallowing, only to end up coughing like it was the first time I ever
tried a cigarette.
I held my phone away and regained my composure, even though my eyes were full of tears and I
felt my face burning hot.
At least he couldn’t see me.
“So make it worth my time,” I said. “Whoever you are.”
“See, this is fun because you know who I am,” he said.
His voice was just so… it was almost lyrical with everything he said. Like the person who could
sing amazingly without even trying. Like his voice was meant to sing or something.
“Right,” I said. “I know exactly who you are. Stupid me. I’m just playing with you.”
“No, beauty, you’re flirting with me,” he said. “And I fucking love it.”
I took a drag of my cigarette and smiled. “You’re smooth, dude.”
“Yeah, I am. And is that a cigarette I hear?”
“What? How…”
“I hear and see everything, Belle,” he said. “Can’t believe a beautiful girl like you smokes. Now
why would you want to go and ruin yourself like that?”
“Seriously? You’re going to tell me not to smoke? Try again, dude.”
“I’m just saying… it’s really bad for your health.”
“There’s worse things out there.”
“I guess you’re right,” he said. “Actually, I’m in the mood for a smoke myself.”
“Yeah? Just suddenly, huh?”
“Maybe we can share a smoke someday,” he said. “You know… you sitting at my window,
wearing nothing but your favorite blanket off my bed. I’ll just sit there with nothing on because…
once you see me, you’ll get it…”
I laughed. “You’re confident.”
“I’m actually waiting for someone right now.”
“Oh yeah? Who?”
“Does her name matter?” he asked.
“I’m just making small talk, dude.”
“Well, beauty, why don’t I put the phone down and let you listen…”
I swallowed hard. “What?”
He laughed. “Now I’ve got you nervous. And a little jealous. I can feel it.”
“You can go feel yourself,” I said. “I’m fine right where I am.”
“Hopefully that big house you’re living in doesn’t have any cameras pointing at you right now,” he
said.
“Why not?”
“In case the mood hits you…”
I curled my lip. I was angry and attracted at the same time.
“Not going to happen,” I said. “Nice try. And whoever you’re with, I feel bad for her.”
“I’m sure you do,” he said. “It’ll be you soon enough.”
“Doubt it. Are we done here?”
“No, beauty, we’re just getting started here. You have no idea what I’m-”
“Hey, Hil, who are you talking to?” a voice called out.
 That’s when the call went dead.

***

It was Hil.
Ohmyfuckinggod.
My cheeks burned hotter than ever. I smoked my cigarette faster.
And I stared at my phone.
My heart raced.
I kind of knew it was Hil already, right?
But knowing for sure… and that voice… and the way he called me beauty…
And that he actually had a girl with him.
And he was calling me.
It was…
My phone buzzed.
Sorry, beauty, had to cut you short. Want to know what’s happening right now?
My jaw dropped.
I jammed my cigarette to the step and then flicked it into a bush.
I grabbed my bags and hurried toward the front door.
Once inside, I put my back to the door and replied.
Just tell me how you got my number and then go have fun.
I waited for what felt like ten years.
Hil finally replied.
You’re a loud talker, Belle. Careful giving your number out.
I let out a loud groan.
I walked to the steps, shaking my head.
It felt stupid and cheap.
Hearing me give my number to Lizzy.
Which meant he had been lingering near me. Without me knowing.
Why?
That was for sure creepy.
So I ignored him.
But that didn’t end the conversation.
Do you want to know what she’s doing to me now?
I finally made it to my room.
I opened the large French doors and stuck out my tongue. Living at Jo’s house would definitely
keep me in shape. Walking four miles to get to one room would do that to a person.
Leaving Hil’s messages ignored didn’t mean a thing to him.
He texted me again.
I’m going to tell you anyway, Belle. Because anything she does to me… I’m thinking of you.
I sucked in a breath and held it.
Hil wasn’t serious.
No fucking way in hell.
 I, again, just ignored the message.
I walked to the daybed and put my bags of new clothes down. Then I dropped my other bag to the
floor. My eyes looked to the bathroom and taking a shower suddenly felt way too personal.
My phone buzzed again.
“No,” I whispered, shutting my eyes.
She’s kissing my neck, Belle. I wish is was your tongue.
I curled my lip and finally decided to reply.
Fuck you Hil. You don’t know me. I don’t know you. You and Ash are both assholes. And that
also includes Uly. I’m not some new girl that you can fuck with. Trust me. Don’t text me when
you’re trying to get laid by some other girl. That’s pathetic like you and ‘Them’
I hit send and felt good.
“Ha!” I yelled as I walked to the bathroom with some serious bitchy swagger.
I put my phone on the bathroom sink counter and wrestled to get out of my wet, tight,
uncomfortable clothes.
At least next time I wanted to swim I had a bathing suit.
“Should have ordered two,” I whispered. “Or three.”
I looked in the mirror and grinned.
Order as many as you want, bitch. The plastic has no limit, motherfucker…
My phone buzzed again.
“Give it up, dude,” I whispered.
I looked down at Hil’s message and gasped.
Just told her to leave. Happy? Now I need to see you.
My fingers scrambled.
No
That wasn’t going to work.
I typed again.
Getting in the shower.
I sent it and let out a yell.
That would only…
I’ll join you.
I shut my eyes, expecting that reply.
I shook my head.
Hil, what the hell do you want? Honestly.
His reply came through as fast as ever.
I just want to see you, beauty.

***

I got to wear my new hoodie.

That and a pair of dry shorts.
The hoodie was comfortable but I wasn’t.
I was still in need of that shower.
Hil made it very clear he was on his way to see me.
 There was no way in hell I was going to walk all the way down the driveway to meet up with him
either.
Which meant I had to stand at the front door and look at the square screen on the wall that showed
the gates to the driveway. Waiting for him to pull up so I could type in my code to let him in.
Believe me, my head screamed what the fuck are you doing? about fifty times.
But I figured he wasn’t going to stop texting me. Or calling me.
And if he wanted to make his move to look cool in front of Ash, then so be it.
Plus, there was this giant mystery of it all.
Of Them.
Why Hil and Ash were friends but Uly wasn’t friends with them anymore.
Everything was mysterious and definitely not my business.
But if I was going to stick around BFH… even for a little bit… why not see what it was all about?
Because that was the thing I had that nobody else did.
The power to leave.
I wasn’t stuck there.
Jo wasn’t my mother. She wasn’t even family.
I could pack a bag and just leave and that would be that.
Hil showed up on a motorcycle.
An all-black motorcycle that growled like a hungry animal. And he pulled into the driveway
wearing a helmet that only covered the top of his head, some kind of sunglasses or whatever on his
face, and a cigarette in his mouth.
I stared at the devil as he waited for me.
Then I typed in my code to let him through the gates.
I went outside and waited for him.
I heard his motorcycle long before I saw him.
And even when he appeared, he stopped where the driveway opened into a giant circle. He shut
the motorcycle off and climbed off with attitude, stripping himself of his helmet and glasses.
He smoked his cigarette with his head slightly down, taking deep drags, walking as slow as the
smoke that jumped from his mouth.
From the lights outside the house I caught the sight of his gray colored eyes.
They are wicked cool.
Icy, matching the attitude he gave off.
“So here I am, beauty,” he said.
“Your point?” I asked, safely from the top step.
Hil then started to walk the steps.
Shit.
“You just cost me a fun night,” he said.
“I didn’t cost you anything. You gave that up by acting like a perv.”
“So enjoying what I want makes me a perv to you?”
“I don’t want to hear about what someone is doing to you,” I said.
“Because it makes you jealous,” he said. “Right?”
“It makes me sick. Some no name girl… and she probably thinks she has a chance with you…”
Hil shook his head. “That’s where you’re way off, Belle. Anyone who knows me knows how it
goes. I’ve never had a serious relationship in my life. My reputation is well known.”
I clapped for him. “Good for you, Hil.”
 “Also… her name was Eve.”
“Let me guess,” I said, “you used her name to get her, right? Something like… this is the Eve of a
night you’ll never forget…”
Hil laughed. “That’s good. But the eve is the night before. Close though. I just told her she puts the
eve in forever…”
I laughed. “And she fell for it?”
“She laughed like you did,” Hil said. “Then I made my move.”
“Which was what?” I asked.
Hil moved fast.
Ohgod… so fast…
He was not only beyond the top step, but somehow he managed to toss his cigarette over my
shoulder and put that hand to the small of my back.
His lips and eyes were way too close to mine.
I smelled the cigarette smoke on his breath.
“Fuck the small talk, beauty,” he whispered. “I have something much bigger waiting for you.”
My knees buckled but I fought to keep my senses straight.
I put my hands to his chest - muscle… there’s a lot of muscle there… - and pushed myself out of
his reach.
“Nice try,” I said.
“I came to tell you something important,” he said.
“Which is what?”
“Don’t ever lump Uly in with me and Ash.”
“Really? You gave up getting action from For-Eve-r to tell me that?”
Hil nodded. “You have a lot to figure out about BFH, Belle. But start there.”
“What happened there?”
Hil shook his head.
“I know you and Ash are stepbrothers. And I know Uly is pretty crazy. He almost broke Ryan’s
jaw for me.”
“For you, beauty, I would have made Ryan eat his own jaw,” Hil said.
“Is that even possible?” I asked.
“Maybe we’ll find out one day,” he said.
“Right,” I said. “Thanks for stopping by, Hil. I’m surprised you didn’t give my number to Ash too.
So you both could bother me.”
Hil smirked. “I’m a little possessive, Belle. I don’t fucking share. I see. I get. I keep.”
“Then you toss, right?” I asked.
“When the time is right, sure.”
“Fuck you,” I said. “I’m not some rich, pampered bitch you can trample all over. Goodnight.”
“You forgot something, beauty,” he said.
I put my hands to my hips and shook my head. “What did I forget, Hil?”
He moved toward me slowly.
Slowly, and with purpose.
And I knew the purpose.
My brain and heart knew the damn purpose.
I could have stepped back, turned and ran, but no, I stood there and let him close in on me. I let
him put his hands to my cheeks and pulled me toward him as he lowered his lips to mine.
 It was just one kiss, but goodfuckinglord…
He pulled away, leaving me with the echoing sound of our lips coming apart.
“I never kissed her,” he whispered. “I was saving that one for you, Belle. Welcome to Bay Falls
High. You’ve been chosen.”
Hil didn’t just back away.
He left.
He turned and walked down the steps, to his motorcycle, put his glasses and helmet on… and lit
up a cigarette.
The motorcycle shook the ground and the house (at least it felt that way) as he rode away.
My eyes looked down to his other cigarette, still smoking on the ground.
I swallowed hard and felt my knees starting to shake.
What the hell did chosen mean?
ten

I lied to myself and said I slept just great.

That I didn’t toss and turn in the most comfortable bed in the world. That I didn’t walk to the
window at the daybed a bunch of times to look outside. That I didn’t open another window and lean
against the wall, smoking cigarettes at three in the morning.
I finally took that shower that I so desperately needed.
And when I exited the shower, there was a text message waiting.
It wasn’t from Hil.
I saved his number in my phone.
Labeled as Asshole Them 1.
This was another unknown number.
Morning, doll. How do you take your coffee?
Just seeing the word doll made my heart sink.
I didn’t reply to Uly.
Instead, I ran through my room like it was on fire, never getting dressed so fast in my entire life.
My wet hair was a knotty mess as I ran through house to get downstairs. Because if Uly was somehow
inside Jo’s house…
What? What would you do, Belle?
I didn’t know.
But I kept running.
And I cursed Jo in my head over and over for having such a big house.
I ran into the kitchen to find it empty.
And quiet.
There was coffee made but no cups poured.
There was breakfast in the fridge, labeled with my name.
I was out of breath.
Worst yet, I had to drag my ass back upstairs to finish getting ready and get my phone.
That felt like it took another two hours.
Uly had since texted me again.
I guess I’ll just surprise you. Park in the same spot. I’ll be waiting. Don’t break my heart,
doll.
I wasn’t exactly sure what was going through my head as I replied back to Uly.
Little cream, lot of sugar
My heart thudded hard when I sent the text.
I wanted to use Uly.
To protect me.
Maybe.
I wasn’t sure what Hil meant by chosen.
But if he and Ash lived in the same house…
I closed my eyes and pictured Ash tearing that page out of my notebook.
 Every little feature about him so cut, clean, and perfect.
And then Hil was almost like the opposite. He was sort of rugged, the bad boy in a leather jacket,
smoking a cigarette without a care in the world.
I didn’t even know the story of Them and I felt like I was going to become the next part of their
story.
It took me back to something my mother once said when I was seven years old and my old friend -
Cara - and I were jumping off a small slide into a shallow plastic pool during a really hot summer
day.
Someone is going to get hurt…

***

Uly stood on the curb, waiting for me.

I backed the expensive car into the spot.
Which was easy to do.
There were cameras in the car to guide me… these bars that showed up on the screen letting me
know if I was straight or not.
It was amazing.
I got out of the car and grabbed my bag.
“Morning, doll,” Uly said as he handed me a coffee cup.
“You already said that.”
“I texted you that. Texting and talking are two different things.”
“Right.”
I sipped the coffee.
I smacked my lips together.
“Not bad,” I said.
“It’s perfect.”
“Says who?” I asked.
“Says me,” Uly said. He got close to me. “Don’t lie over coffee, Belle. Pick a better lie to tell.
Something good about yourself maybe.”
“I have nothing to hide, Uly.”
“Why are you here then?”
“Because I want to be.”
“Why are you here…?”
“Because you said you were bringing coffee,” I said. “Coffee will make me come every time.”
Uly smiled big.
He had a gorgeous smile.
My face turned red.
“Oh, shut up,” I said. “You’re all pervs.”
Coffee will make me come… hahaha… so fucking funny…
“All?” Uly asked. “Who is all?”
I bit my lip and knew this was my moment.
To cross a very visible and thin line.
 “You know… all. You all. Guys. Boys. Dudes.”
“No,” Uly said. He touched my hand. It sent shivers through my entire body. “You meant
something else by that. Something specific.”
“Hey, what’s with the necklaces?” I asked.
I wanted to know but I also wanted to change the subject.
Abort, abort, abort… new mission… do not cross the line.
Uly looked down at his necklaces, then back at me. “I play guitar and I lost the girl I loved. Now
tell me what you meant?”
My eyes went wide.
What was that?
I was flabbergasted. Confused.
Uly played guitar… and lost…
“Hil,” I muttered. “And Ash. But… Hil… last night…”
“What happened last night, doll?” Uly asked.
“Nothing.”
“Again, lie about something worth your time,” he said. “Don’t lie for Hil or Ash.”
I swallowed hard. “Okay, look, I know you hate each other. Or they hate you and you hate those
two. But for me…”
“What happened with Hil and Ash?” Uly asked.
I shook my head. “They introduced themselves to me.”
“I’m sure they did,” Uly said.
Uly put his coffee down on the hood of my car.
He took two steps and I hurried to pull at his hand. “What are you doing?”
“Going to handle this,” Uly said.
I pulled harder at him. “No, you’re not. Don’t do anything because of me. Uly, stop.”
He turned and I ended up pulling myself into him.
I crashed against his hard body and was eye level with his necklaces.
The guitar pick.
The ring missing a diamond.
“My eyes are up here, doll,” he said.
I lifted my gaze. “Please.”
“I’ll let it slide for a kiss.”
“What?”
“You heard me.”
“You know…” - don’t fucking do it, Belle… this isn’t like back home… - “Hil didn’t need to
make a deal to kiss me.”
Uly’s lip curled high in the air. “You kissed him?”
“He kissed me,” I said.
“What else did he do to you?”
“What I do at night is my business, Uly.”
Now his nostrils flared.
I was making him jealous. Angry jealous.
Maybe I wasn’t supposed to like the feeling, but I did.
I really liked it.
Uly inched back. He brushed the back of his hand against my cheek and nodded.
 “No deal then, Belle,” he said.
“I didn’t say that,” I said.
Uly was right back against me again. He turned me and pinned me against the car.
His lips brushed against mine and I shut my eyes.
Kissing two guys… one at night, one in the morning… oh, Belle, oh, fucking, Belle…
His lips tasted like coffee without sugar in it.
He parted my lips with his but he didn’t kiss me any deeper.
It was just a tease.
A really good fucking tease at that.
Uly moved away and grabbed his coffee.
“Happy now?” I asked him.
“I will be when I handle Hil,” he said.
“Wait a second,” I called out. “You said…”
Uly looked back and grinned. “I said no deal. The kiss was because I needed to see what you
taste like. Good enough for now, doll, but I’ll need more soon.”
“Uly!” I called out. “Uly! Wait!”
But he was on the move.
I didn’t chase after him.
I slapped my forehead.
What the fuck do I do now?

***

I stood at my locker and waited for Lizzy.

She didn’t show, but Danica did.
“Hey, you,” she said to me. “How do you feel?”
“Fine,” I said.
The texts from Hil and seeing Uly made me forget all about the sips of vodka I had taken. Plus, I
hadn’t even really been close to drunk at all. Just feeling good. Relaxed. And good. Until Hil got
involved.
“Well, your girlfriend has the flu,” Danica said with a laugh.
“The flu?”
“Yeah. That’s what she calls it. Her parents are either stupid or just don’t care.”
“So no Lizzy today,” I said. “Great.”
“Why? What do you need? Another tour of the place?”
“No,” I said. “I’m… I’m just here, Danica. This whole thing with Them…”
She hooked her arm into mine. “Careful there, Belle. Just saying the word that way is risky. Let it
all go. It’s all in the past.”
But it’s not…
I started to shake my head but Danica wasn’t looking at me.
“Where are you going now?” she asked me.
“Miss Whitaker,” I said. “The one class I’m actually looking forward to.”
“Ah, right, the bullshit creative writing class,” Danica said. “You can write anything you want,
sloppy, unedited, and as long as you call it free verse you can’t get into trouble.”
I frowned.
That wasn’t how I was going to take the class.
“Come on, I’ll take you there,” Danica said. “I have that class now too. You’ll love Miss
Whitaker. She’s all laid back and shit. She’s cute looking. Like a cliché looking teacher, you know?
Like you picture her living in a small cottage in the woods. And she drinks tea. Doesn’t have TV. That
kind of shit.”
“Is that how she really is?” I asked, not able to tell Danica that I had briefly met Miss Whitaker
already.
She was the woman in the office talking to herself.
“Not if she lives here,” Danica said with a laugh.
She opened a heavy door and led the way inside.
Miss Whitaker stood at a big, messy desk with glasses on her head that pushed her curly hair
back. She was wearing a sleeveless black dress that had different colored flowers all over it.
The room was big, colorful, artful, and busy.
There were quotes on the walls. The desks and tables were all in random spots.
Nothing was organized.
And I figured that was part of the appeal.
Miss Whitaker looked at me and smiled big. “Belle! I was hoping to see you today.”
“Shit, she knows you,” Danica said loud enough for Miss Whitaker to hear. “Run!”
“Funny, Danica,” Miss Whitaker said. “Go find a corner to be sad in. Bye.”
Danica rolled her eyes and walked away.
She mouthed to me sorry and good luck as she walked away.
“I have something to show you,” Miss Whitaker said. “Or tell you. Or talk to you about. I’m not
sure yet.”
“Okay…”
“Hope you didn’t think I was batshit crazy in the office,” she said with a smile.
There was something about her smile. Something edgy. She looked the part of a good girl teacher
type…
“Come with me,” Miss Whitaker said. “Everyone else will settle in. Or not. Most think this class
is bullshit.”
“You curse.”
“You don’t?” she asked.
“You’re a teacher…”
“Not by choice,” she said. “Well, I guess by choice. Those who can’t write, teach, right?”
“You’re a writer?”
“Once a writer, always a writer,” she said. “Now, let’s sit and talk about you for a second.”
“I don’t want to do that,” I said. “I don’t need some get to know you adventure thing. Please spare
me that. I’m actually interested in this class. I swear. I have a notebook of stuff…”
“I wanted to show you your grade, Belle,” Miss Whitaker said.
“My grade?” I asked. “I’ve been here for thirty seconds.”
She laughed. “I like you. You’re definitely not from around here.”
She pulled back a chair on wheels and sat down. She pointed to a chair against the wall. It was
orange and crooked.
It scratched against the floor as I pulled it toward the desk.
 “So… why creative writing?” Miss Whitaker asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Why this class?”
“Because I’m desperate to graduate and needed something.”
“That’s a lie,” she said. “I’ve read what you have to say. It’s really good.”
“Yeah, but… what?” I asked. “You read what I have to say? Where? Do you know Jo? Dr.
Thornburn?”
I caught myself leaning toward Miss Whitaker and whispering like I knew something very secret.
She leaned toward me. “Of course I know Dr. Thornburn. Not personally though. Why?”
“Then how do you… know about me?”
“The paper you left on my desk.”
“What paper?”
Miss Whitaker finally got the same confused look on her face that I had.
She reached across her desk and showed me a piece of paper.
It was the page from my notebook that Ash had stolen.

***

“I did not turn this in,” I said. “This was stolen from me. Someone stole it out of my notebook and
brought it to you. No way. This is-”
“It’s beautiful,” Miss Whitaker said.
“What?” I asked.
“It’s perfect. The voice is perfect. The imagery. I love everything about it.”
“You do?”
“You said you were looking forward to this class, right?”
“Yeah,” I said.
“Then be here,” Miss Whitaker said. She leaned toward me. “Here’s the truth, Belle. This is a
bullshit class. But it keeps things even. I try hard to push for more reading and writing. I want
everyone to express themselves a little bit more. And not through text messaging and stupid video
apps. Nobody wants to see you flip a water bottle while doing some video game dance, you know?”
I laughed.
Miss Whitaker was kind of the definition of trying to be cool.
I couldn’t figure her out.
But I was still listening when she talked to me.
“They come in here and they all just sit and relax,” she said. “I don’t push anyone hard. All I ask
is you write something and put it on my desk. Most of them they’re a bunch of smartass things written
down. The sky is blue. Duck and fuck rhyme.”
“What?” I asked.
“I have an open policy for cursing,” she said. “It’s expressing yourself. So let it out.”
“Okay then,” I said. I nodded to the paper. “Can I see that quick?”
“It’s your writing,” she said.
She handed me the page.
the color in his name matches the sheets I touched in the dark
the curtains whispered rumors
dancing with the wind
maybe it was just my breath, gasping, I’m not really sure yet
when his fingers moved between mine
but I was still the one in control
my answer never changed even if my heartbeat
did
we were forgotten of our memories
the little cut on your knee in the spring
chasing shadows down a sidewalk
realizing that for-
ever
could sort of feel okay
but your color
and my color

I stopped there and folded the piece of paper.

I mouthed ohmygod as I handed it back to Miss Whitaker.
She put her hand over mine and shook her head. “It’s yours, Belle. And I think it’s beautiful. Sure,
there’s always something you could change. Edit. Move around. But the entire story is just… it’s
perfect. It made me smile. It brought back memories for me.”
The entire story as Miss Whitaker called it was the front of that page, plus a few more. Luckily
Ash didn’t rip those out. They were even more personal.
Oh, I fucking hated Ash with all my guts…
“I don’t get it,” I said. “Why would someone steal this from me and give it to you?”
“Not sure,” Miss Whitaker said.
I looked around the room, expecting to see Ash sitting somewhere with his perfect hair, face, jaw
line, body, and tattoos.
There was no sight of him though.
“Does…”
I let the word trail off into oblivion.
“Does, what?” Miss Whitaker asked.
I looked at her again.
“Um… does… does anyone ever fail this class?”
“That’s the bitch of it,” Miss Whitaker whispered. “It’s hard to fail anyone because this class is
about freedom of expression. Most of the time I can get something out of them. Which is all I ask.
Maybe they’ll leave and continue to write things down. Or read an actual book. If so, then I’ve done
my job. I’ve failed a few people but only when it’s extreme.”
I nodded as though I cared.
What I wanted to ask her was if Ash was in her class. But I knew opening that door wouldn’t have
done me any good.
Even still, thanks to Ash, I was now all over Miss Whitaker’s radar. Which wasn’t a bad thing. I
really was looking forward to this class.
“So let’s talk assignments,” she said, breaking up my thoughts.
“Meaning?”
“Well, this is a class. You want to be here. You have talent. I have no idea what you want to do
with that talent…”
I shrugged my shoulders.
She reached for her desk and opened a drawer.
She took out a gray beanie with the BFH logo on it.
As she shook it, she said, “I did this once in college and it was great. I wrote down random
objects on a piece of paper and put them in here. Pick one at random, write about it, and get a grade.”
“Everyone else did this?” I asked.
Miss Whitaker raised an eyebrow. “Why are you worried about everyone else, Belle? Look,
you’re going to pass this class. So if you want to sit in a corner like the rest of these zombies, have at
it. But if you want to actually write some stuff, here you go.”
“Can’t I just make up my own assignments?”
Miss Whitaker nodded. “Solid argument. Write me something. Right now. First thing that comes to
mind.”
She tossed the beanie to her desk and little scraps of paper spilled out.
I looked around the room again and started to feel bad.
She probably put a lot of time and effort into this class and it wasn’t taken seriously.
I spotted Danica. Sitting with her legs over some guy’s legs, who sat with his back against the
wall, head back, eyes shut, cigarette tucked behind his ear.
She had the puppy dog in love eyes and this guy wasn’t even looking at her.
Be careful with those eyes, Danica… if he ever opens his…
I let out a sigh and asked Miss Whitaker for paper and pen.
She gave me her desk and said she was going to make her rounds to mold some minds and break
some balls as she put it.
So I sat behind Miss Whitaker’s desk with a piece of paper and a pen.
This was weird for me.
Nobody had ever taken my writing serious ever in my life.
It was always just me doing whatever I wanted in a notebook.
I looked at Danica again.
I frowned.

it’s when his eyes,

are shut
that i can actually
see
but i can’t
look away
from any of
this
my legs on yours
the chains
 an endless
lock
like your grip
around
my heart
stare at me with
those eyes
i know what you
mean
but i’ll
ask
you to say it
again anyway
you’re such a stupid
boy
you can’t hear or
even see
to realize
i just want
you
i should want
me

I folded up the piece of paper and left the pen on it.

I stood up and saw Miss Whitaker crouched down, her long dress pressed against her knees. She
was talking to some girl, pointing to a page in a book. They were smiling as they talked.
My eyes met with Danica’s.
She gave a quick wave and made an eek face.
I pointed to the door and waved back at her.
She looked at her half asleep boy toy and then back at me.
She bit her lip, fighting regret and guilt.
I put my finger to my lips.
Don’t worry about it. I hope whatever he gives you, it’s worth it. Because it’s totally obvious he
doesn’t like you and never will and will just use you for one thing…
I walked to the door and turned my head one last time.
Miss Whitaker was in the same position.
She was obviously passionate about reading and writing.
The one thing I always wished I had in my life.
I debated on staying.
But I felt exposed.
I hated that feeling.
So I compromised.
I snuck back to her desk and grabbed one of the pieces of paper with a word on it.
I didn’t look at what was written on it though.
I just stuck it in my back pocket.
There… happy now, Miss Whitaker?
eleven

I stood outside BFH and smoked.

And it was glorious.
The sun was high up in the sky, not a cloud to block it. It was warm, but not hot.
It might have been the perfect kind of day.
The thought of the beach began to tempt me.
I laughed… you’re a beach bitch now, Belle? You’re here for, what? A couple of days and now
you’re-
“Is that cigarette smoke I smell?” a voice boomed.
I looked around and didn’t see anyone.
“There is no smoking in or near my building!”
“Shit,” I whispered.
It was Principal Werthwood.
“Fuck,” I added for good measure.
I dropped my cigarette and stepped on it.
I turned and grabbed the door and pulled.
Locked.
I sighed.
So some doors locked when you left and some didn’t.
Just. Fucking. Great.
I turned and Hil was standing there.
I opened my mouth to scream and he quickly put his hand over my mouth.
My eyes moved from his beautiful, gray eyes to his knuckles.
They were covered in blood.
I wanted to scream even louder, but I couldn’t scream at all.
With his other hand, Hil put his pointer finger to his lips. That same hand then touched my waist.
I jumped and gasped.
He moved me like I was a feather.
We moved with speed, cutting around the corner of the building and into the bushes. Hil knew
how to hide, which was a good thing.
As fast as we were moving, he stopped.
He faced me and pinned me against the building.
Very slowly, he moved his hand from my mouth and grinned at me.
Then he added a wink.
I rolled my eyes for good measure.
“What are we-”
“Lots I want you to do with that mouth, beauty, but right now you need to keep it shut,” he said.
Heat flooded my cheeks.
And it didn’t help the situation that he was literally pressed against me.
His body. My body.
 Touching.
I swallowed hard.
“Hello? Where did you run to?” Principal Werthwood’s voice yelled. “I will find you. Show
yourself right now to save punishment!”
Hil shook his head.
I felt my arms and legs starting to shake.
And believe me, it had nothing to do with Principal Werthwood creeping around, throwing out
threats.
It was Hil.
Him against me.
His hand all messed up.
I saw movement and watched with wide eyes as Principal Werthwood walked right by the bushes.
He didn’t see us.
When he was gone, Hil still didn’t move.
“Give it another minute,” he whispered. “Just to be safe.”
I waited the minute.
I looked left to right.
“I think we’re in the clear,” I said.
“Oh, we definitely are, beauty,” Hil said. “I just like the position we’re in.”
I lifted the right side of my lip and my right knee at the same time.
I didn’t get him where I wanted to but the warning was enough for him to step back.
“Damn,” he said.
“I didn’t need your help,” I said.
“Yes, you did. You were screwed, Belle. He’s on a war path.”
“I don’t care. Wait. Why’s he on a war path?”
Hil grinned in a way I’d never forget. Because he looked at his bloody knuckles as he grinned.
I gasped. “What did you do?”
“Nothing,” he said.
I jumped at him and grabbed his leather jacket. The smell of the leather and the smell of cigarette
smoke and his skin was just… different.
The kind of different that was supposed to set off all the red flags possible in my head. And it did.
The red flags were waving. But I wasn’t paying attention to them. I was hooked on his gray eyes.
“Hil,” I said.
“Belle,” he said.
I slowly reached for his hand. I touched under his wrist and shook my head. “What did you do?”
“What I said I was going to do,” he whispered. “I always keep my word, beauty. Especially to
you.”
“No, that’s a lie,” I said. “This whole chosen thing is ridiculous too. You and Ash are just trying
to fuck with me. You want to get into my pants and it’s not going to work. Just stop whatever you’re
doing.”
I pushed my way out of the bushes and took a deep breath of freedom.
That warm sunny air…
I turned my head and Hil was right behind me, arms folded.
He looked pissed.
“Don’t give me that look,” I said. “I don’t know what you did but I had nothing to do with it.”
 “That’s where you’re wrong, beauty,” he said. “You had everything to do with it. You don’t even
realize who you are…”
“Oh, please, give me all the cheap lines you’ve got,” I said. “I’m begging you, Hil.”
He moved toward me and I had to turn. I made a fist and showed it to him. Just in case.
“Look at you. You’ve got this innocent look… but you’re not innocent at all. That’s what makes
you wild to me, Belle. The look. The name too. That dirty blonde hair with those darker streaks. Your
eyes are dark yet light at the same time. Those kissable, pouty lips that make me want to stay up all
night, smoke cigarettes, and fantasize about you…”
Okay. He was good at that. At the flirting thing. Which was fine. And it was okay my body felt…
whatever it felt… it didn’t mean anything was going to happen…
“So you’re bored with the same old girls around here, huh?” I asked. “That’s too bad, Hil. I’m not
interested.”
“What do I have to do? Kill Ryan for you?”
My throat closed. I coughed. “What? Kill… no…” I looked at his knuckles. Oh. Fuck. My eyes
went wide. “Ryan. You went after him.”
“I finished what Uly started,” Hil said. “Typical.” He laughed. I didn’t get why that was funny. “I
balanced it out. Don’t worry though, Belle. He’ll be able to play baseball. Soon. He’ll be back to
crushing home runs and acting like an asshole. But now he knows who you are.”
I touched my forehead. “No. I didn’t ask you to do that. I didn’t ask Uly to do that either. I didn’t
ask… anyone…”
“You’re chosen, beauty,” Hil said. “That means we take care of you. And then you’ll take care of
me.”
“Just you, huh?” I asked, trying to playfully smile but it came out more like a desperate cry for
help.
“I told you, I don’t share,” he said.
He stepped toward me again and brushed the backs of his fingers to my chin to lift my head. He
lowered his lips down to mine for the softest and almost not a kiss I ever had.
I counted to ten as he walked away.
Then I reached for the wall.
So I didn’t fall over.

***

Who was the first person I saw when the last class ended for the day?
Ash.
Lingering near my locker but not paying attention to it or me.
I hurried to get my bag and shut my locker to follow him.
There were just too many things rushing through my mind on what I wanted to do to him.
Punch him in the face? Kick him in the balls? Claw at his face? Poke one of his eyes out?
Stab…
My thoughts started to get more and more violent so I shut myself up and just followed Ash.
He was tall. Toned - his triceps flexing as he walked, hidden behind all the colorful ink on his
arms but I could still see the muscles flexing.
 Leave me alone - I have a soft spot for that…
Everything about him was put together and perfect.
But beyond that - including the lingering smell of his cologne that seemed to go up my nose and
straight to my brain and heart at the same time, making them both agree that whatever he did to me
was okay and that falling for him would be even better - it was the way everyone responded to him.
He didn’t say a word to anyone.
Yet they all looked at him.
Girls eyes went wide. More than a few bit their bottom lips.
The guys made sure not to get in Ash’s way. And if they were too close, they stepped back and put
their hands up, submitting to him like he was going to hurt them.
And any guy that had a girlfriend, they were quick to grab their girlfriend by the hand or the waist
to remind her that she was taken.
It was crazy to see.
Yet his eyes were forward.
All the way to the main door of BFH.
He punched it open so cool and just kept going.
I let the door smack shut and gently opened it.
He hurried down the steps and went to the right.
He walked to the parking lot and I was honestly intrigued by what he was driving. Where I came
from just having a set of wheels was cool. But here everyone had a vehicle and they all seemed to
match their personalities.
I did not expect to see Ash walk to an all-black pickup truck. The thing was massive, with big
tires, everything on it black. The color black seemed to be a really common theme around here too.
The truck was so big that even Ash had to reach up to open the door and step up on a side guardrail.
I realized he was going to leave…
“Shit, Belle,” I whispered to myself.
I stopped walking and I cleared my throat.
I cupped my hands to my mouth. “Hey, asshole!”
Ash turned his head.
When he saw me, he jumped right back down to the ground.
His amber eyes glowed from the distance as he stood there, waiting for me to come to him.
And I did.
It was like I was floating too.
Which was pathetic.
My eyes fought on what to stare at first, last, and most.
His tattoos were so pretty. I wanted to know everything about them.
But before that…
I pointed at him. “Hey. Fuck you for what you did. You know?”
“And what did I do, angel?” he asked.
“You know what you did. Don’t act fucking tough about it.”
Ash didn’t make a move or a face. He didn’t flinch.
Even when I got closer to him.
“Nice truck,” I said. “Would suck if someone scratched it.”
“Yeah, it would,” he said. “Got anything to scratch it with? Have at it. Write your name, Belle. So
I never forget it.”
 “Don’t push at me, Ash. That was a dick move. You took something private of mine and gave it to
Miss Whitaker? Really?”
“You like to write.”
“So what?”
“She’s got a class for it,” he said. “I consider it a favor.”
“I don’t. You could have helped me clean up the mess you made.”
“First off, angel, it was a few books,” Ash said. “And second, I did offer. You refused to beg.”
“Because I’m not one of these stupid girls with their tongues wagging at you.”
That finally got a reaction out of Ash.
He half smirked. “All the more to figure the rest of it out.”
“Figure what out?” I asked.
“Everything I want to know about you,” he said. “Jump in. I’ll give you a ride.”
“I have a car,” I said. “Much nicer than this truck.”
“Your car. Right. I’m sure you paid for it.”
“And you paid for this?” I asked.
“See, now you want to get to know me,” Ash said. “There’s more than one way to break the ice,
Belle.”
He reached for his truck and stepped up.
“Wait,” I said.
He turned his head and looked down at me.
I was about eye level with his ass.
Which wasn’t a bad thing…
“Don’t fucking touch my stuff ever again,” I said. “I’ll do more than scratch your truck. I’ll blow it
up. I’ll take it back to where I’m from and let anyone who wants, to strip it for parts.”
“Deal,” Ash said.
He stepped back down and stood inches from me.
The smell of his cologne was so good.
Not that skunk like crap Grayson and the others would wear.
It was subtle yet… good.
“You can thank me some other time, angel.”
“For what?” I asked.
“For saving you. From everything.”
“Oh, right. You stole something from me and turned it into something amazing. My fucking hero.
Spare me, Ash. Or are you going to tell me you saved me from your brother and Uly?”
“Stepbrother,” Ash said. “Keep the facts straight. And Uly? Enjoy that one. Don’t act so surprised
when you find out…”
Ash’s beautiful amber eyes moved from mine.
I quickly turned my head.
“Shit,” he said.
“Shit,” I whispered.
I kind of didn’t want my moment with Ash to come to an end.
But we both had no choice.
Uly and Hil were standing nose to nose, not too far away, ready to fight.
 ***

I tried to run but Ash grabbed my arm.

“Easy, angel,” he said. “Let them work it out.”
“Why?”
“That’s some old, dirty blood there,” he said. “Believe me.”
“Tell me what that means and I won’t go over there.”
“Come here and enjoy the show,” he whispered.
His hand slipped around the front of my body.
As he pulled me, I stepped back.
I looked down at his tattoos.
There were bright and pretty orange fish on his forearm. Along with an array of blues and reds,
plus what looked like purple flowers.
My left hand touched his arm, tracing the line of the body of one of the fish.
I was on fire.
Not literally - duh - but from the inside…
“What do these mean?” I asked Ash.
“You’ll find out soon enough,” he said. “Just like everything else.”
I blinked fast and came back to reality.
Uly pointed to Hil’s hand and screamed right in his face.
“Fight your own fucking battles!”
Hil lifted his other hand and put his fist to Uly’s face.
Uly laughed and nodded.
I could read his lips.
Do it. Hit me.
I pulled Ash’s hand away.
“Belle,” he growled.
“No,” I said. “This is my fault.”
I ran toward them.
But I was two steps too late.
Hil pushed his fist against Uly’s jaw to make his head snap back.
Uly already knew his move, bringing up a fist that connected with Hil’s bottom lip.
“Stop!” I yelled.
The two attacked each other then.
They were wrapped up and almost wrestling, putting each other in headlocks, trying to throw each
other to the ground. Honestly, it wasn’t much of a fight at all. Almost like they didn’t want to fight but
didn’t know what else to do.
“Stop!” I yelled again.
It didn’t work the first time, why would it work now, Belle?
I didn’t know.
I didn’t know what else to do.
Ash breezed by me, about to join the fun.
I pictured him and Hil ganging up on Uly.
 I started to run too.
Ash jumped off his feet and slammed his knees into both Hil and Uly.
It was like he was going to jump over them.
I covered my mouth.
I had never seen someone jump that high before.
Hil fell to the ground.
Uly stumbled back but was far from being done.
The anger that swept across his face told me he was ready to fight Ash in the way he wouldn’t
have with Hil.
As Uly charged, Ash put a hand out and grabbed him by his shirt.
“That’s enough,” he ordered.
He looked at Hil and pointed. “You too. Fucking idiot.”
“It’s his problem,” Hil said.
“Fuck you,” Uly said. “Find your own fight to win. Don’t go after my seconds.”
Hil wiped his bottom lip and got back to his feet.
That’s when I noticed something.
Hil was wearing two necklaces.
They had been tucked into his shirt.
One necklace a guitar pick. Kind of like Uly’s but not really. It was a different color. A bright
green color. And the other necklace?
It was a ring.
Again, kind of like Uly’s but not really.
Still… both Hil and Uly wore two necklaces… why?
Hil fixed his leather jacket and when he saw me staring at him he hurried to tuck his necklaces
back into his shirt.
Then he walked toward me, grinning, his bottom lip still bleeding a little.
“Knew that would piss him off,” he said to me. “He doesn’t like when I have to show up and
finish what he’s started.”
“Hil, I said that’s enough,” Ash called out.
Hil showed his hands. “I better get going, beauty. Don’t want the family dinner routine to get even
more awkward. Me and Ash throwing punches over the roasted duck…”
He laughed and backed away, reaching into his leather jacket for a cigarette.
I turned my head and saw Uly staring at me.
“Walk away,” Ash said.
Uly shoved Ash back. “Don’t fucking touch me, Ash. You walk away first.”
Ash did just that.
As he walked by me, he glanced down at me. “This is where you get into my truck and make the
right decision, angel.”
“I can’t… I don’t know…”
That was all Ash needed to hear.
He breezed right by me and got into his truck.
When he started it, the engine was the same hungry lion growl as Hil’s motorcycle.
He took off, the back wheels screaming for a few seconds.
“What the hell was that about?” I asked Uly.
“I told you I was going to handle it,” he said to me. “Just needed to talk shit out.”
 “That wasn’t talking shit out.”
“Don’t worry about it, doll,” Uly said.
“I am worried about it. Was that about me?”
“Belle, are you okay?”
I turned my head and Danica approached slowly.
Her eyes kept moving to Uly like he was an animal about to attack.
“Of course that was about you, Belle,” Uly said. “Everything is going to be about you now. That’s
the way it goes. They chose you. And I was the one who chose you first. So let the war begin, doll.”
“War?” I asked. “There is no war. Not for me. I’m not worth anything…”
Uly closed in on me and slid his hands to my face. “Oh, trust me, you are. With everything going
on around here right now… you’re perfect. So fucking perfect, Belle. Don’t let those two sway you
too much. I haven’t even shown you what I’m capable of. But I can see your new friend here is
worried about you. I’ll see you around real soon, doll.”
Uly brushed his nose against mine and then walked away.
I stood frozen, begging to look at Danica.
When I did, her eyes were wide and her face was white.
“What did I just do?” I whispered.
“Belle…”
“This is all my fault,” I said. “I didn’t mean… I don’t know… they’re going to hurt each other
trying to get to me. They’re… they’re everything. Danica…”
She faced me and put her hands to my shoulders. “Are you okay to drive?”
“I think so,” I said.
“Good. I’ll go grab Lizzy and meet you at your place. It’s time.”
“Time? Time for what?” I asked.
Danica swallowed hard. “It’s time for you to hear something about Them.”
twelve

I came home to no Jo.

Which wasn’t a surprise but I was hoping to see her. Even for a second. Just to know she was
alive. Just to know where I was. The part of why felt scrambled, and a part of me wanted to ask her
about Them.
She had to have some information about Uly, Hil, and Ash. And their parents too. Everything.
Something. Anything.
The entire thing made no sense to me.
Why they were so interested in me.
Uly had saved me from Ryan and his asshole goon friends. That was one thing. But then for Ash
and Hil to want to step in? Well, Ash didn’t step in on that. But still… taking a page from my
notebook and giving it to Miss Whitaker? Why? Did he read it? Did he like it? Did Ash secretly write
poetry or something?
And then Hil wearing the same necklaces as Uly.
And the way they fought… there was anger there. A lot of it. Maybe even a little hate. But they
didn’t exactly try to rip each other’s faces off. It was more like… brothers fighting.
I paced outside, waiting for Danica and Lizzy to show up.
When they did, I laughed at the sight of Danica’s ride.
It was this red color SUV with the windows down, sunroof open, some kind of rock music blaring
from the speakers. Her hair danced out of the driver’s side window and she pulled up to the bottom of
the steps.
The passenger door opened and out climbed Lizzy.
Wearing a hoodie, with the hood up, and giant black sunglasses on her face.
“That must be one hell of a flu, huh?” I asked.
“I was napping,” she said. “And this bitch woke me up and said we had to come here. I’m not in
the mood for this.”
She stomped up the steps and went right by me.
“Hey to you too,” I said.
Danica sat in the driver’s seat, her hands hitting the steering wheel as the song blared on. She
looked at me and held up one finger.
When the song ended, she got out and shut the door.
“Sorry,” she said to me. “I can’t leave when a song is playing.”
“What?”
“It’s a thing of mine. I have to finish the song. Or else it’ll be stuck in my head.”
“That’s weird,” I said. “And I didn’t take you for a rock n’ roll fan.”
“Why not?” Danica asked. “You think I like that prissy pop bullshit stuff?”
I showed my hands. “Whoa. Sorry.”
She smiled. “I’m kidding. I like everything. Lizzy hates that rock stuff. I put that on to piss her off.
Must be nice to just sleep all day.”
“Yeah. Compared to my day…”
 I forced a fake smile.
Danica put her arm around me. “Come on, let’s go. Time to get your heart racing and breaking at
the same time.”
I opened my mouth, ready to ask what that meant, but I held off.
It wasn’t worth it.
Just inside the front door was Lizzy.
Pouting, arms crossed, her hood down, hair messy.
“Hope nobody we know shows up,” she said.
“I called everyone to come over,” Danica said. “Plus, messy hair… that’s like a hint at fucking,
right?”
“It is?” I asked.
“Yeah,” Danica said. “Showing off what your hair will look like after getting crazy between the
sheets.”
Lizzy let out a groan. “You’ve been listening to that old rock music too much. That’s all they ever
sing about. And didn’t the dudes back then look like girls too? Hair metal… what is that?”
Danica grinned at me. “Told you she hated it.”
I led the way to my bedroom.
My face was warm the entire time, hearing them both make comments about how amazing Jo’s
house was. It made me uncomfortable because this wasn’t my house. Not even my bedroom really…
If they wanted to see where I lived, they’d probably end up burning all their clothes and shoes after
walking through the apartment one time.
“Look at these fucking doors,” Danica said. “Fucking awesome…”
She opened the French doors and ran into my bedroom.
“Nice place,” Lizzy said to me. “I’d still run though. After what happened today… I tried to tell
you…”
“Save it for in here,” Danica yelled. “Holy shit, look at this window!”
I entered the bedroom last and stood awkwardly as Danica pulled Lizzy by her arm around the
room, pointing out every little feature.
Then Danica finally pointed to the flat screen TV on the wall.
“Surround sound?” she asked.
“Yeah,” I said.
“Good,” she said. “Turn it on. I’ll hook my phone up to it quick. You need to hear something
before we talk.”
“Why?”
“Oh, damn, Belle, just listen to her,” Lizzy said. “I’m not in the mood for two hundred questions.
Okay? Listen to their song and then let us explain some stuff.”
“Whose song?” I asked.
Lizzy groaned and plopped down on the daybed. “Just tell her, Danica.”
“Well, that ruins the fun,” Danica said. “But fine. To answer some of the stuff going through your
head… Uly and Hil were really close at one time. I’m talking like brothers close. But they’re not
brothers.”
“Okay… so what were they?” I asked.
“Band members,” Lizzy said.
“Band members?” I asked. “Like…”
“A band,” Danica said. “They had a band. Just them two though. Ash couldn’t play an instrument
if his life depended on it.”
“Wait… the guitar pick necklaces,” I said. “So both Uly and Hil play guitar?”
“And piano,” Danica said. “A couple other things too. I don’t know. But, yeah, they were in a
band together. It didn’t have an actual name though. Someone started calling them Uze which was to
make fun of the Rulz…”
“Got it,” I said. “I keep hearing about the Rulz.”
“Stupid fucking East vs. West shit,” Lizzy said. “And now Uly is kicking that back up. He wants to
take them all on himself. That’s just to stick it to Hil and Ash.”
“Why?” I asked. “What do they have that Uly wants? The Rulz, I mean.”
“Maybe happiness,” Danica said. “Their new girl over there… Tina?”
“Tinsley,” Lizzy said. “Don’t play stupid. You know who that bitch is. And you know who she
lives with. That’s as crazy and as shady as you can get. She’s tied right into Brooks Crest, among
other things. Believe me. My parents talk about it all the time. All the legal stuff waiting to collapse
around her.”
“Around Tinsley?” I asked.
“No,” Danica said. “Claire. But that’s not why we’re here.”
“Claire…” I shook my head. “This is crazy. I thought you all just spent money, went to the beach,
and made fun of poor people.”
“That’s on the weekends,” Lizzy said as she stuck her nose and her right pinky into the air.
I waved my middle fingers at her. “Bitch.”
“Okay, listen to me, Belle,” Danica said. “Uly and Hil had a band together. It was their attack
against this town and BFH. The rebels with guitars. Who smoked.”
“And were smoking hot,” Lizzy said.
“Still are if you ask me,” I said.
Lizzy puckered her lips and kissed the air.
I showed her my middle fingers again.
“They were really good,” Danica said. “Really popular. There was even talk of them actually
becoming big. Famous and all of that. They had people interested in them.”
“How does Ash play into this?” I asked.
“Soon,” Danica said. “First… listen…”
I stepped back and sat down on the corner of my bed.
Danica touched the screen of her phone and the speakers that were positioned perfectly through
my room came to life.
The echoed thud of the body of the guitar hitting a microphone made me jump.
Then came laughing.
I knew those voices.
“Fucking almost broke the guitar,” Uly’s voice said.
“Not your precious doll,” Hil said with a laugh.
“Guys, just play the song,” another voice added. I didn’t know that voice. “Just run through one
take. Please.”
There was a little bit more background noise and then all of that disappeared.
And the song began.
Two guitars.
Someone strumming and someone playing notes.
I looked at the floor for a few seconds, my head gently bobbing.
 Then came Hil’s voice… that goddamn lyrical voice actually singing lyrics.
“She told me she’s leaving, I told her we’re still breathing. She told me she’s screaming, I told
her I’m still believing…”
I looked up at Danica.
She had a sad smile on her face, head nodding.
I looked over to Lizzy.
Her head was back, moving left to right.
They were into it.
They had heard this before.
Of course they’ve heard it before…
The song was amazing.
Uly joined in on the chorus, creating an even bigger sound vocally.
“I never left because I never tried. You always stayed, you forgot goodbye. Now we’re chasing
pictures of the past… just hoping for one extra day… this will last…”
The word last drawn out in a beautiful note, fading as the guitars picked up speed again.
I sucked in a breath and held it.
The second verse began and this time it was Uly singing.
I stood up and pointed to the TV screen.
“I’ll pace these fucking halls, leaving my thoughts to crawl, speaking what I never said, we
both lost our fucking head. And as she walks so fucking far all gone, I’ll stand on a rooftop to
scream this song, and you’ll be the one running down the street, wishing back into time so we
could never meet…”
His voice broke off like he was about to cry.
That made my heart jump into my throat.
I actually touched my chest.
The chorus played again and then Danica shut the song off.
“Leave it to Uly to drop f bombs so the song couldn’t be played on the radio,” she said.
“Holy fuck,” I said.
“That’s just one song, Belle,” Lizzy said. “They were really popular and really good.”
“Give me more,” I said. “I want all of it. They recorded everything?”
“Yeah,” Danica said. “They wanted to get rid of everything too after it all fell apart.”
“Why did it fall apart?” I asked. “Is it because of the rings? They both wear rings…”
Danica moved toward me and tossed her phone to the bed. “You need to calm down. Have a
drink.”
“I brought something to drink!” Lizzy yelled.
She jumped up and took off her sunglasses.
She looked like hell.
“You’re still hungover,” I said.
“And there’s only one way to kill it off,” she said. “We’ll just go slower.”
And sure enough, Lizzy had a small bottle in her bag.
I looked at Danica.
She nodded to me. “No judgement from me. Ever. You’ve been through a lot. And you walked into
a lot here. And believe me, Belle…”
Her voice trailed off.
“What?” I asked.
 “It’s going to get a lot worse…”

***

We listened to a few more songs from Uly and Hil. And each one was better than the previous.
They weren’t just good. Or even great. Believe me, it wasn’t just because they were some beach town
band or two hot guys that could play guitar and sing.
It was real stuff.
The music was catchy. The lyrics were so real.
And for every bit of lyrical perfection Hil sang in his voice, there was Uly, singing in his own
rougher voice, almost screaming (but not) with his lyrics, which were straight up confessions from his
heart.
“I bet if they didn’t use the word fuck so much they would have been more popular,” Lizzy said.
“That’s part of the song though,” I said. “That’s what makes it so good. Like nobody could tell
them not to do it. Uly is such a badass for that.”
“Ut-oh,” Danica said.
She was obviously sober.
Lizzy and I were not.
Lizzy took it much easier than the last time.
But me… oops.
I sat on the daybed with my legs to my chest, wearing that comfy hoodie I bought with Jo’s credit
card. Totally settled into this new life, and the drinking helped to shake away any guilt I would have
normally felt.
“Ut-oh, what?” I asked Danica.
She smiled.
“Ut-oh is right,” Lizzy said. “You can’t get hard over him. Or Them.”
“Hard?” I asked.
Lizzy pointed her pointer finger straight up into the air. She giggled.
“Uh… I don’t have one of those,” I said.
“You know what she means, Belle,” Danica said. “Seriously, don’t get involved.”
“You saw what happened today,” I said.
“What happened today?” Lizzy asked.
“I already told you everything,” Danica said. “And that was scary. Normally Uly and Hil just
avoid each other. Or if they actually do see each other, they talk shit as they pass by. But they were
ready to go…”
“But they didn’t,” I said. “I’ve seen real fights.”
“So have we,” Lizzy said.
“They keep saying I’m chosen,” I said. “Like… come on…”
“Fuck,” Lizzy said. She burped and gasped. “Sorry. But for real, Belle… that’s what they used to
do. Choose. Use. Lose. That’s their thing.”
“Let me guess,” I said, “it all fell apart over the band, right? Something happened between Uly
and Hil. And those necklaces… rings? They got too close to someone and got hurt, right? Or was it
some kind of rivalry thing… since Hil and Ash live together. They live together, right? Ash made a
comment about their dinner table…”
“Stepbrothers, yeah,” Danica said.
“How does that work?” I asked.
Lizzy leaned forward and handed me what was left in the bottle. “I’m going to sleep. Sorry, Belle,
but I’m crashing in your bed tonight. If I’m not in class tomorrow, Werthwood will be all over me.”
“Speaking of which…,” I said with a grin. “Never mind.”
I wasn’t going to tell Danica and Lizzy about almost getting caught smoking by Principal
Werthwood and Hil saving me. Pressing me against the building. His hand over my mouth. Hiding.
His body against mine…
I closed my eyes and I felt the room spin a few times.
This wasn’t like me.
I wasn’t guy crazy.
And I was not the kind of person who got in the middle of guy drama either.
But these three guys… Them…
“What’s their story?” I asked Danica.
Lizzy shuffled her way to the bed and jumped into it. She let out a laughing groan.
“She will literally sleep here like that,” Danica said.
“Not unless you drag her ass out,” I said.
“Which you know I already planned on doing.”
“You’re a good friend.”
“Am I though? Lizzy is a bitch. Keep your eyes on both hands at all times. Usually one has a knife
in it.”
“What? For real?”
I hurried to stand up and the room moved away from me.
I fell forward and Danica kept me from crashing to the floor.
“Whoa,” she said. “You better drink some water or go to sleep. Or both.”
“Not until I know more. Danica, I can’t go back where I came from. Not after what happened. I
have to stay here. For a little while. So I need to know. I just… why me?”
“I can’t answer that,” Danica said. “Maybe they actually like you, who knows. But chances are…
they somehow know where you’re from. That you’re not actually rich or from some money.”
“So I’m an easy target,” I said. “Just some poor girl they could fuck with. That makes me want
to…” I looked down for a second and then back up at Danica. No tears, Belle. No tears. “That makes
me want to fight back at them. Fuck with them. Hurt them. Everyone can be hurt.”
Lizzy let out another groan. “This fucking bed is… the best…”
“She’s going make a mess on your sheets soon,” Danica said. “I have to get her out of here. Unless
the three of us are sleeping in your bed, which could get crowded.”
“Stay,” I said. “I don’t want to be alone in this house anymore. At least tonight.”
Danica pulled me toward the bed. She fought with Lizzy to get her under the covers. Then she did
the same with me. She nestled between Lizzy and me.
“Just a warning,” she called out. “Any of you two get sick or handsy I will hurt you. Deal?”
Lizzy was already asleep.
Danica elbowed me.
I rolled to my side. “Tell me something.”
Danica turned her head. “You’re a pain in the fucking ass, Belle.”
“Yeah… well you know what happened to me? Ash stole a page from my notebook and gave it to
Miss Whitaker. Now she thinks I’m this great writer. And everywhere I turn, either Uly or Hil are
there. Right in my face.”
Danica blinked fast for a few seconds. “They’re stepbrothers. Hil’s mother and Ash’s father got
together. And got married. They’re both big time corporate lawyers. I heard they were working for
different companies, battling each other, and things just happened.”
“Cheating?”
“No,” Danica said. “Um… their parents… well, Ash’s mother and Hil’s father… they’re gone.”
“Gone,” I said. “Okay. If it helps, I don’t know who my father is. My mother kind of just got
knocked up by some guy. That’s my story.”
“Damn, Belle, I’m sorry,” Danica said. “I didn’t mean gone like that. Not like they ran out or
whatever. They’re gone. Gone. I mean… dead.”
I lifted my head.
The room spun.
“What?” I asked.
Danica nodded. “They’re gone. They died. Not together or anything like that. Separate times. But I
think that’s why it ended up the way it did. Samson and Vanessa. That’s Ash’s father and Hil’s mother.
It works, I guess. I don’t know. It’s not my personal life. Nobody talks about it. Nobody is allowed to
either. You’ll regret it. Trust me. But that’s the story, Belle. That’s why Ash and Hil live together.”
“And Uly?” I asked.
“He’s his own person with his own story. Leave it at that. Okay? Look, you want to know some
stuff. Now you do. There’s a lot of stuff between the three of Them. Okay? You have to let it go. You
can’t fall in love with one of Them. You can’t fix Them. The end result is hurt. It’s like the sun… it’s
warm, sexy, hot, feels good, right? A nice sunny day on the beach. The ocean. The sand. Music. A
drink. But if you were able to get in a rocket ship and fly close to it, what would happen?”
“You can’t get close to the sun,” I whispered.
“Why not, Belle?”
“You’d get burned. Or just die. The temp… oh.”
Danica nodded. “Oh.”
She rolled to her other side, her front facing Lizzy’s back.
I rolled to my back and stared at the ceiling.
I had gotten what I asked for and I didn’t feel any better at all.
In fact… I almost felt sad.
These guys were total assholes.
But they each had a story.
Just like me.
I had a story too.
I turned my head and bit my lip.
I slowly snuck out of the bed.
“Belle?” Danica asked.
“Relax,” I said. “I need to pee. And I need a cigarette.”
“Okay,” she whispered.
I stumbled my way to the bathroom.
I really did have to pee.
And I really did need a cigarette.
But what else I had in mind… that wasn’t Danica’s business to worry about.
thirteen

I assumed the piece of paper Ash gave me was his number.

Which meant I had all of Them in my phone.
The one thing Lizzy and Danica warned me about. To stay away from Them. Yet I wasn’t able to
stay away. They kept finding me. And when there was distance… I went looking for Them.
I enjoyed my cigarette and stared at an unsent text message for way too long.
Considering it was just one word.
Hey
I sent it and I sat down, putting my phone next to me.
I looked around the driveway… or parking lot… or whatever you wanted to call what it was that
led up to the house. There was no sign of Jo again. I knew she had her own garage and part of the
house, but it would have been nice to see her once in a while.
My phone buzzed and I looked down.
I laughed.
You’re up late, angel
I traded my cigarette for my phone.
How do you know who it is?
Ash didn’t hesitate a second to reply.
I just know. What do you want?
“Asshole,” I whispered.
But it was a good question.
What did I want?
I had booze dancing around in my head.
Logic would have been to have stayed in bed and sleep. To avoid Them like I was told to do. But
since I was already on the others side of the line of logic…
To kiss you
I sent it and my face felt warm. Really warm. Really, really warm.
I thought I was going to scare Ash away with that text.
It would obviously take more than that…
So you’re finally ready to beg me…
I laughed out loud.
I’m not begging for anything. You’re the only one of Them who hasn’t…
I sent the message, feeling giddy.
There was nothing wrong with flirting.
But it depended on who you were flirting with.
My brain and my heart had the simplest excuse.
Blame it on the booze. Done. Burn. Fuck off.
Ash replied.
That’s the game, huh? You’re already chosen, angel. Now you want to mess with us.
 I hurried to reply with the shrugging emoji.
Then I added…
I’m sitting here. Alone. Waiting. But not for long. Ur choice.
I waited.
Longer than the previous messages.
Maybe I actually-
It’s always my choice, Belle. See you soon.
I put the phone down and picked up my cigarette again.
My mind suddenly felt very sober.
What the hell had I just done?

***

I went to the back of the house.

And I walked to the beach.
For some reason that felt like the smarter thing to do.
Not that it mattered.
Ash was on his way.
I texted him to tell him I was on the beach. Meaning he couldn’t get buzzed in to the driveway.
There was also a chance this was just a setup too.
Ash messing with me. Saying he was on his way, only to leave me standing outside like an idiot
for how long? As long as I wanted to stand there…
I wished I had brought something to drink with me. That was for sure.
The ocean sounded nice though.
The sounds of the waves crashing were very soothing.
I had no memories of the ocean because we never took real vacations. The biggest things we’d do
was when whatever guy my mother was dating at the time would take us somewhere. And it was
usually the same thing. A stupid camping trip. Or to a cabin in the woods somewhere. And that was
just an excuse for whatever guy she was dating to party. They’d get drunk, high, laugh, fight, and then
have their alone time in their tent. But out in the woods… any and all sounds were heard.
It made me shiver.
I hated memories sometimes.
I turned to go back into the house when I saw movement.
Then I saw Ash.
Walking along the beach, as beautiful as ever.
Beautiful? Really? Is that how you want to describe a guy?
I nodded.
It was how I wanted to describe a guy.
It was how I wanted to describe Ash.
And he wasn’t beautiful in the sense of looking like a clean cut good boy.
He looked pissed.
Which was why nobody talked to him or got in his way.
“You showed up,” I said. “How thoughtful of you. I figured you would-”
 Ash didn’t stop moving.
I stopped talking long enough for him to slip his hands to my sides and hold me steady so he could
kiss me.
His lips were…
Ooohhh.
He pulled away and my bottom lip quivered, begging for more.
I tried to scream in my mind that he was never going to get me to beg for anything but I was
wrong. Very, very wrong.
Ash took his hands from my sides and then I stupidly grabbed my sides like his hands were still
there.
He backed away and wasn’t going to stop.
So I had to charge after him.
My hands were finally at my sides.
But I was still drunk.
“Wait a second,” I called out.
“For what, angel?” Ash asked. “We got what we wanted.”
“You wanted to kiss me?” I asked.
My face felt flushed.
Ash stopped walking. “Of course I did.”
“What is this? What are you and Hil and Uly trying to prove?”
“I’m not worried about the others,” Ash said.
“So, what, you’re just trying to get in your stepbrother’s way? Is that what it is? Do you two
actually hate each other? But hate Uly more?”
“See, this is why I had to do it, Belle.”
“Do what?”
“I had to turn that paper in for you,” he said.
I curled my lip. “I’m still not okay with that.”
“And I still don’t care if you are.”
“Asshole…”
“Look what you just said. The story you came up with. Shit, angel, you came up with two stories.
Just like that.” Ash snapped his fingers. “That’s talent right there. You’re a writer, Belle. No way you
were going to be all shy around Miss Whitaker.”
“That wasn’t your decision to make, Ash.”
“Well, prove to me you can make decisions then.”
I scoffed. “Who the fuck are you to say that to me? You know what? Your bullshit with Them… I
don’t care about it. I know Hil and Uly were really close once. I heard their music. And I know about
your mother. So don’t act…”
Ash jumped at me.
I tried to step back but fell down to the sand.
Right on my ass.
And he stood over me.
Ash’s amber eyes were wide.
“You can hear and believe anything you want, Belle,” he said. “Maybe you should do the right
thing and pack up and get out of here.”
“Now you want me gone? Why? Because I’m able to figure you out, Ash?”
 “You know what you end up loving the most when you’re rich like me?”
“What?”
“Time,” Ash said. “Because that’s the one thing I can’t buy. I can’t buy time. I can only be amazed
by time.” He crouched down. It reminded me of us in the hallway the first time I met him. “So take all
the time you need, angel. This could be fun. Let’s find each other’s truths. Find those dirty secrets.
You wanted a kiss? I wanted it more. That’s why I kissed you. Be careful who you think you’re
fucking with. I know who you live with, Belle, and I don’t care how good of a doctor she is… we can
make it so your heart will never be fixed.”
He stood up and put his hand out for me to take.
“Fuck you,” I said. “Beg me.”
Ash laughed. “You’re going to make this fun.”
He turned his head and the moon caught the part in his hair a certain way. There was something
about it. That line… it wasn’t a part… it looked like a scar.
I got to my feet on my own.
I didn’t need his help.
“You’re drunk, angel,” he said.
“Hence the idiotness of myself to text you.”
“Your head is drunk but not your heart,” he said. “You knew what you wanted.”
“You showed up.”
“Because I knew what I wanted.”
“You got your kiss. Leave.”
“Maybe I didn’t come for just a kiss.”
I rolled may eyes. “Are you going to put cheap moves on me like Hil?”
Ash’s nostrils flared. “Keep this between us.”
“So you don’t like to share either? This could get interesting…”
Ash closed in on me again.
His put his body against mine.
His chin rested on my head.
My hands balled up into fists.
“I just keep thinking about something, Belle.”
“What?”
“That red V… why would he do that to you? And what did it actually mean? Just how innocent or
not are you?”
My knees buckled a little.
I exhaled a breath.
I grabbed for Ash’s shirt but he had already started to move away.
“How?” I whispered.
“Doesn’t matter,” he said. “Just know… you’re more than chosen now, Belle.” Ash turned his
head and nodded to the water. “Peaceful out there, angel. Almost wish I brought a board with me.”
“You surf?”
Ash grinned. “That I do. I also draw and paint. I’ve worked on a lot of tattoos too. None of my
own though. How’s that for getting personal? You good yet?”
The box of mystery that was Them was endless.
I caught myself nodding.
Ash blew me a kiss and I reached for it. Like a complete and totally obsessed fool.
 He vanished from the beach and I stumbled my way back to the house.
My heart was racing so fast it was actually starting to make me feel sober. Like my body was
working super-fast overtime to get the booze out of my head so I could think about everything with a
clear mind.
This shit was crazy.
Uly and Hil were in a band together.
And they were really good.
Almost becoming famous.
And then there was Ash.
He had a clean cut look but was just as wild and mysterious.
His look. His ink. His hairline… which sounded really dumb but that line was not meant to be
there. Yet it looked really sexy on him.
And he surfed? And he painted? And he did drawings? Designing tattoos?
I was blinking so fast as I wandered through the house.
When I heard a noise, I froze and looked over my shoulder.
Jo was sitting in the kitchen.
Right against the counter where I had just walked by.
I hadn’t even seen her.
I opened my mouth to say hey… and then come up with a million reasons why I actually wasn’t
drunk.
Jo’s phone lit up and the glow of the screen spread across her face.
She looked at me.
She was crying.

***

“Jo, what’s wrong?” I asked. “Is my mother okay?”

“Your mother is fine,” she said. “She’s going to be calling you sooner or later. About coming back
home. That’s not why I’m sitting here.”
“Then why are you sitting here?”
“Because it’s my fucking house, Belle,” she said. “Do you want me to interrogate you as to why
you were outside this late? Or why you’re stumbling around, obviously drunk? Or that you have
friends over, sleeping in your room.”
My face burned super-hot. I swallowed hard. “Sorry. I just haven’t seen you in a while. I wasn’t
sure…”
“This isn’t a family, Belle,” Jo said. “You and me. You here. You need to realize that right now.
This is not a family. We’re not going to sit down at the dining room table and talk about things.
Okay?”
I nodded. “I know that. I just… BFH hasn’t been the easiest…”
She laughed. “Of course not. You’re new. They can smell it on you. They’re going to come after
you.”
“Jo… you’re crying…”
She wiped the wet lines of black mascara off her cheeks. “No, I’m not.”
 “That’s not fair,” I said.
“Oh?”
Shit. The booze is talking now…
“What you’re doing here is not fair.”
“I’m sorry,” she said. “Are you not living in a mansion instead of that shit apartment? Are you not
driving one of my cars? Do I need to continue?”
“You’re crying,” I said. “You’re alone. That’s not fair. To me. Or yourself.”
“So this is where you try to slide into your old shoes, huh? I bet you sat with your mother after her
latest boyfriend took off for good. I bet you held a bag of frozen peas to her face while she tried to
convince herself it was all for the better.”
“You’re a cunt,” I said.
I quickly covered my mouth.
She’s going to kick me out. But I can’t get kicked out. I need to know more about Them. I need
the rest of the story…
Jo touched her phone and turned the screen off. She then slid it away from her.
“Sometimes there’s nothing you can do,” she said.
“Meaning?” I asked.
“Meaning exactly what I just said, Belle. You could be the best at what you do and sometimes… it
just doesn’t work.”
I moved toward Jo.
My right hand touched the counter. For balance.
Jo looked at me again. It was much darker now without her phone screen. But I could tell she was
still crying.
My brain finally started to compute what she was talking about.
“You mean… surgery,” I whispered.
“Emergency call came through,” she said. “It was just too much though, Belle. And that’s the way
it goes. I did all I could. I refuse to give up but I know when to stop. There’s a very big difference
there. And when that happens, there’s two feelings. Two different experiences that happen. The first is
myself looking at someone I could not save. And then comes facing those who have to survive without
that person. In this case it was a woman about your age. Nineteen. Twenty. Her father was the only
real family she had. And that was that, Belle. Her father’s gone. She’s with a friend now, grieving.
And I’m sitting here…”
“Crying,” I whispered. “You don’t have to do it alone, Jo. I can’t say anything but I can be here.”
I reached for her and she hurried to stand up.
“Not going to happen, Belle,” she said in a clear voice. “I came home and sat for a minute to
think. Thinking is over. It’s time to move forward. Because if I don’t, then the next person who needs
me… won’t have me. Understand?”
“Got it,” I said. “I’m really sorry that happened to you, Jo.”
“Never be sorry for fate,” Jo said to me. “Don’t apologize for what you can’t control. That makes
you look weak. Don’t be weak. Slap fate across the face and say I’m here, bitch.”
“I’ll do that,” I said.
“And sober up,” Jo said. “You’re not coming here to fuck up. I’m not dealing with Werthwood.”
“Okay,” I said.
Jo walked away.
I went to my room.
 I had tears in my eyes.
Just thinking about what she went through. To be a doctor and to try and save someone… to do all
she could and have it not work…
I crawled into my bed, more thankful than ever that I had Danica and Lizzy with me.
Even if Lizzy was snoring.
I stared at the ceiling again, just like I was before the whole Ash thing.
I licked my lips.
Uly had kissed me.
Hil had kissed me.
Ash had kissed me.
I was the girl who only had one serious boyfriend. And when Danny moved away, it broke my
heart. I never had anything serious after that. The closest was Gray, but I always knew it was going to
end bad.
So what was I now?
The crazy girl who kissed the bad boys?
What the fuck…
Lizzy sucked in a snoring breath that shook the bed.
“Shut the fuck up!” Danica called out. “Or I’m going to drown you in the ocean. Fuck!”
Lizzy was suddenly silent.
I turned my head and looked at the back of Danica’s head.
I smiled.
It was good to have friends.
Because I had no idea what Uly, Hil, and Ash were… or would be.
fourteen

I couldn’t keep my eyes open.

When it came to science, Mr. Gerald had the most monotone voice I ever heard in my life. He
read from a book and spoke like the way a computer voice would read. He wore a dark brown suit,
piss yellow shirt, and his head was almost cone shaped with freckles or moles or a growth across the
middle - which was the bald spot on his head. He had hair on each side though. He kind of looked
like a science project. Like if an alien humped a frog and had a baby.
My face kept sliding down my hand.
Then came my saving moment when the door opened after a quick knock.
Miss Whitaker stood in the doorway and pointed to me.
“I need to steal Miss Bablebit,” she said.
I groaned as everyone looked at me.
A handful decided to laugh at my last name.
Mr. Gerald looked at me and I was already on my feet.
I’d do anything to get out of his class.
I had my bag over my shoulder and hurried to meet Miss Whitaker in the hallway.
She smiled at me.
I didn’t smile back at first. “Belle. Always call me Belle.”
“What’s wrong with Bablebit?”
“Seriously?”
“Oh, because people called you Bablebitch, right?”
“How did you…”
“That one was easy to figure out.”
“What was your nickname?”
“That you’ll never know,” Miss Whitaker said. “But my first name is Lake. So I’ve heard a lot.”
“Wait. Your name is Lake? Like a lake you swim in?”
“So funny,” she said.
“That’s… actually that’s cool. You look like a lake.”
“Thanks, Belle,” she said. “So I’m all slimy, littered with lily pads and frogs?”
“Speaking of frogs,” I said, “what is Mr. Gerald’s deal?”
“Oh, he landed here a long time ago,” Miss Whitaker said without missing a beat. “Right around
the time the dinosaurs were wiped out.”
I laughed. “You’re quick.”
“He’s got the most boring voice ever, doesn’t he?” she asked.
“I’d rather swim in a dirty lake than hear him talk,” I said.
Miss Whitaker put her hand out for me to slap. “And she brings it full circle. You’ve got a sharp
mind, Belle.”
I slapped five with her like we were seven years old.
And we kept walking the halls of BFH.
“So what do I owe… for getting me out of there?” I asked.
 “Some words,” she said. “What did you think of the word you chose? I know you took one.”
“Shit,” I said. “I didn’t look. I got… distracted.”
The entire time flashed through my mind.
How I somehow went from Miss Whitaker’s class, to kissing Hil, to watching Hil and Uly fight,
to drinking with Danica and Lizzy, to kissing Ash on the beach in the middle of the night…
“You look like hell,” Miss Whitaker said.
“Thanks for that.”
She opened the door to her class and it was empty.
All the lights were off except a lamp on her desk.
“Hate the big lights,” she said. “They bother my eyes.”
“This is cozy,” I said.
“And I brought you coffee,” Miss Whitaker said.
“You are my hero,” I said. “I’m… hungover.”
“Nnnnoooo,” she said with a gasp.
“Shut up,” I said. “It wasn’t my fault.”
“Ah, right. Those damn water bottles that look like vodka.”
“You’re really not like anyone else here,” I said. “You don’t fit in. Like me.”
“Are you assuming that?” Miss Whitaker asked. “Or have you done some social stalking?”
She sat down in her chair.
I realized she was wearing another long dress. This one was dark purple. With very faint black
stripes on it. Like she was some good girl, always covered up.
“How many tattoos do you have?” I asked. “Besides the one I saw.”
“What makes you ask that?”
“You have a look about you. You come here hidden.”
“I have four tattoos,” Miss Whitaker said. “One you can see. The other three you can’t.”
“Oh,” I said, my face turning red.
She pointed at me. “Don’t try to be so tough with me. I can see through it.”
“But you are like me. How did you end up here?”
“I just did, Belle,” she said. “But if you want the truth, fine. My father was a very successful
businessman. He had a lot of money and when he passed, it all went to me. But I wasn’t going to live
some snobby life though. I put myself through college and… well, ended up here.”
“Because you didn’t get a book published?” I asked.
Miss Whitaker laughed. “Sit. Have some coffee. Let’s talk words.”
“There’s nothing to talk about for me,” I said. “I’m not some bookworm or anything like that. I just
write stuff down.”
“Because you’ve been through stuff,” Miss Whitaker said. “I respect that. And you’re good. Can I
see your notebook?”
“Seriously?”
“Totally,” she said in a cocky tone.
I couldn’t believe that I handed the notebook over to her.
“There’s personal stuff in there,” I said. “Private stuff. So…”
“I’m not going to make copies and hand them out,” she said.
“Right. I just… do you know who Ash is?”
Miss Whitaker’s eyes lifted from my notebook to mine. “Why?”
“He’s the one who stole a page from the notebook and brought it here. He told me he’s into art.”
 “Well, I’ve never seen him in this class before. Or any art class here. Not that there’s many.”
Miss Whitaker flipped through the pages as I sipped the coffee.
This was so much better than Mr. Gerald’s class.
“I don’t know, Belle,” Miss Whitaker said. “This is good. It’s very open and raw. You’re not
afraid in this notebook. ‘Fuck, how many times do I have to wash these fucking sheets to wash away
your memory. You didn’t choose to leave but you still left.’”
My face burned hot again. “That… I…”
“No judgement,” she said. “This is fun to read.”
“You’re not going to tell me to talk to someone you know to get stuff published, are you?” I asked.
“I mean, no offense, but I don’t want you to try and live through me.”
Miss Whitaker shut my notebook and tossed it to me. “Well, you’re just a bitch who’s full of
herself.”
I laughed. “Hearing you curse while you’re wearing that dress is so weird.”
“So now you’re judging me?”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”
Miss Whitaker opened her desk drawer. “Since you did offend me… pick a word.”
She handed me the BFH beanie and I stuck my hand into it.
I pulled out a piece of paper.
“I won’t lose this one,” I said.
“Open it now.”
“Do you really do this with everyone?”
“All the time,” she said. “It’s one of my favorite things to do. Just to get the imagination going.”
“I don’t need that,” I said.
“I’ll be the judge of that.”
“So now you are judging me.”
“I’ll send you back to Gerald’s class…”
“Fine,” I said.
I opened the piece of paper.
I laughed.
I flicked my wrist.
“What?” she asked.
“Of all the fucking words,” I said.
Miss Whitaker looked. “Heart.”
“Heart,” I said.
I opened my mouth but said nothing.
After everything I’ve been through? All my mother did was try to give her heart away, hoping
for happiness. I had my heart broken by Danny and then stepped on again by Grayson. And now I
live with a woman who operates on hearts. And she had her heart broken because she lost someone
on the operating table. And then there’s Them. Their hearts… my heart…
“That’s a good one,” Miss Whitaker said. “I can see your mind moving already.”
“I’m pissed about this one. I don’t want to write about this.”
“Because it’s personal,” she said. “That’s the best time to write. Let it all out.” She stood up.
“Close up behind you, Belle. I do have a class in an hour though. You can drop that off later.”
“Drop… what? I have to write this now?”
“Yeah,” she said. “I’ll make you a deal.” She grabbed my notebook. “I’m going to take this with
me. You bring me this assignment and I’ll give you your notebook back.”
“This can’t be real.”
“It is real. Problem?”
“What am I supposed to do… show up to your house?”
“Perfect,” she said. She ripped a piece of paper in half and wrote on it. “Here’s my address. I’m
sure your fancy car can find it.”
Miss Whitaker walked toward the door with my notebook.
I stood up and turned. “You’re serious?”
“Later, Belle,” she called out. “Maybe you’ll enjoy my at home clothes better than my dresses.”
She left the room and I stood with my jaw ready to smack the floor.
I side stepped and took her chair.
It was more comfortable.
“Heart,” I whispered.
I kind of felt like Miss Whitaker had no heart. I showed her my notebook and she took it. Why me?
Again… why me? I didn’t need to be her little pet or something. I wasn’t going to become a famous
writer. If her dreams were dead, oh well. That was her problem.
I had to grab another notebook out of my bag so I could start working on my assignment. Maybe I
could work the system and get it done before the end of the day. Hand in my writing and get my
notebook back.
Which all sounded so fucking childish.
Compared to everything else going on…
But maybe that’s what I needed.
To forget…
I grabbed a pen off Miss Whitaker’s desk.

i can start to forget once your heart stops

it’s my only chance to escape
the room you hide me in
behind your eyes

I put a big X through that.

“This is dumb,” I said.
Then again, what did it matter? I could write anything. Just hand anything in.
I shook my head, mad that Miss Whitaker put me in a position where I caught myself actually
caring.
She was either a genius or just a weird lady.
I put the pen to the paper again and…
The door opened.
I turned my head, hoping it was Miss Whitaker to reconsider everything she just said.
It wasn’t.
It was Uly.
 ***

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“What are you doing here?” he threw right back at me.
“Nothing,” I said.
“Well, all my dreams just came true, doll,” he said. “Finding you here. Heard a little rumor about
you being super smart with words.”
He said it with a wink, considering he had seen my notebook and spoken words back to me from
it.
“Nope,” I said. “Just needed a room to hide out in. So I’m chilling while Miss Whitaker is gone.”
“Damn, we are just meant to be together,” Uly said. “That’s exactly why I’m here too.”
“Well, I, uh, need to be alone,” I said.
“Is that so? You need time alone? For what?”
That grin again…
I punched at his shoulder. “Stop. Why does it always come down to that? You’re all the same.”
Uly nodded. “You’re including me with a couple others, aren’t you?”
“What if I am? Will that get you to leave, Uly? Or should I ask some questions…”
My mouth went dry.
Could I really bring up his band with Hil? Or tell him I heard his music?
Just thinking about it… it brought back the sound of the music. The lyrics. Uly’s voice…
“We can ask anything we want, doll,” he said. “Want me to go first? Ease things… forward?”
He leaned toward me.
There were hints of stale cigarette smoke, but the smell mixed perfectly with his clothes and skin.
He smelled like the kind of temptation that I should have been nowhere near. I had nothing to compete
with when it came to Uly - or Them.
Other than me just being me.
Nothing to lose because in a sense I had nothing.
And that’s what they wanted from me.
They wanted my nothingness.
“Or maybe I’ll work on a writing assignment myself,” Uly said. “Since this is the room for it,
right?”
“Go for it,” I said. “And then leave. I’m really busy here.”
Uly grinned. “I knew you weren’t just hanging around, Belle. I bet you really care about this stuff,
don’t you?” Uly leaned closer to me and slowly touched my hair, tucking it behind my left ear. Then
he got even closer. His lips near my ear. “What word did you get? Huh? You’re probably worried
sick over it too, doll. You want to make sure of everything you do, this is the one that works…”
His lips touched my ear for a quick second.
I wasn’t sure if that was done on purpose or not.
My body didn’t care though.
It still reacted the same.
Uly moved, grabbing a pen from Miss Whitaker’s desk, along with a piece of paper. Just watching
him was… something else. His feathered hair climbing from under his black beanie. The way his
necklaces leaned forward as though they were trying to take a peek at the paper - just like me.
Everything about Uly screamed bad and cool at the same time. And when added in with the music he
wrote and sang with Hil, it was…
“So there’s this girl,” he said, writing on the paper. “She just shows up one day. Dumb enough to
go to the beach alone. Dumb enough to somehow get the attention of a handful of douchebags. Don’t
worry, one of those guys had their jaw rearranged a little for his crime. But this girl is beautiful. I
wouldn’t say perfect but whatever brought her here is what makes her imperfect, but it’s also what
makes her beautiful.” Uly moved his eyes to mine for a second. Then back to the paper. “But my guess
is this is all about heartache. And not just some tired at home bullshit story either. Not some save me
from what could go wrong kind of narrative either. She’s on the move. She’s not changing her name or
hiding herself… mostly. So I guess I could ask her one thing…”
Uly put the pen down.
He slid the pen and paper toward me.
Uly had been writing more than he had been talking.
His question was already written. In all big letters.
I looked down at that paper. Then at Uly.
I stood up.
He leaned back in his chair, the grin on his face making me want to hit him and kiss him at the
same time.
“Well…?” Uly asked.
WHO WAS THE GUY THAT BROKE YOUR HEART, DOLL?

***

I stood at the window and looked out to nothing but green. Trees, bushes, shrubs, whatever you
wanted to call them. It was just all green. Giving the appearance that BFH was set somewhere in the
woods or somewhere peaceful enough to focus, study and learn.
Whereas it was all a lie because the building was right in the heart of all the bullshit that made
BFH what it was. And if I opened that window I knew I’d get a small hint of the smell of the ocean. A
smell that was still new and enjoyable to me.
Yet all I could smell was Uly.
He stood right behind me.
“It’s okay, doll,” he said. “We all have pasts.”
“Just like you do too,” I said. “You, Hil, and Ash.”
There… I finally said it…
Uly was silent.
That made me spin around.
He slowly put his sunglasses on his face.
Was he trying to hide from me now? Because I knew something about him?
“Remember something, Belle… the one who saved you is the one who can destroy you.”
“You’re going to destroy me, Uly? Just like Hil and Ash say too? Because that’s your game. The
whole Them game, right? You think I don’t hear things too?”
“I know you hear things, doll. That’s what makes you so special. Your ability to hear, see, and
write. It’s powerful. You’re more than you think you are already. I know it. The questions running
through your head… almost as fast as you running through mine.”
I put my head back and laughed. “Does that stuff actually work? I mean, I guess if you’re at some
party and the drinks are flowing and the music is decent… I can see how that works.”
Uly put his hands to my waist and that made me close my mouth.
My hands grabbed his wrists almost instantly.
I didn’t shove him away though.
I just kept his hands right there.
“Do you miss him?” Uly whispered to me.
“You have no idea what you’re even talking about,” I whispered back.
“Oh, I think I do.”
I took my right hand off his wrist and reached for his sunglasses. It felt like the riskiest thing I had
ever done in my life. I lifted his sunglasses so his eyes were burning at mine.
I swallowed hard.
“Do you miss it?” I asked.
He knew what I meant.
“The only thing I’m going to miss… is this moment together… and what could have been…”
I opened my mouth to reply when Uly moved his right hand. From my hip to my leg. I dropped my
head and watched his hand as it kept moving closer to my inner thigh.
Fuck, Uly, yes…
I felt the color leave my face for a second only to replace with lava temperature heat.
Uly paused and backed away, taking his hand with him.
My right hand was still holding his left wrist.
I started to lean forward, not wanting to let him go.
I wanted him close to me again. Against me. Touching me.
He was my escape.
My protection.
And I wasn’t even sure what the hell that meant.
I just wanted… him.
Uly stopped trying to escape and lifted his wrist, which meant he was lifting my hand too. He
kissed the back of my hand and my fingers opened wide.
I felt the opposite of what I did with Gray. And very different from what I felt when I had been
with Danny. Uly made me feel… I wasn’t sure. At the same time there was somehow two other fires
burning in my head, heart, and elsewhere. Those flames flickering with the smell of cigarette smoke
and blood with the wild eyes of Hil. The other flame with the smell of cologne and the sight of a
perfect guy… height, muscle, hair, face, amber eyes, tattoos that matched his personality… Ash.
There was no way I could feel what I did for the three of Them.
It was all made up in my mind to chase down some story. To find out they were just as fucked up
and broken as me.
That’s what it was.
The writer inside me, wanting to figure out how the pieces fit to make the end work.
“You better get to work, doll,” Uly said. “You don’t want to get on Miss Whitaker’s bad side, do
you?”
I caught myself slowly shaking my head.
Uly left the room.
I put my hands behind me to keep myself standing.
I forced my mind to think about the assignment Miss Whitaker gave me.
The word heart.
All I had to do was write something about it.
Anything.
I took a deep breath and shut my eyes.
And I swore I could still feel Uly touching me.
fifteen

“Just answer truthfully, Belle… are you a dork?”

I looked up at Lizzy as she blocked the sun from hitting my eyes. “What?”
“Okay, we’re on the beach. I mean, we’ve lived here for a long time. You haven’t. The beach is…
sun, sand, water, guys without shirts on… do I need to keep selling this to you?”
Danica nudged Lizzy out of the way and sat down next to me. She smelled like tanning oil and her
wet feet were covered in sand. Her toenails were painted a very neon green color.
“She wants to know why you’re worried about writing whatever it is you’re writing instead of
riding one of those hot guys over there…”
Danica had such a lovely way with words sometimes.
But at least she was honest.
“I have a thing I have to hand in,” I said.
Danica inched away from me. “Ew, Lizzy, you were right. She is a dork!”
“Go fuck yourself,” I said. “Both of you. This is… personal.”
“Personal?” Lizzy asked. “Are you doing extra credit for Gerald’s class? I bet you are. I bet you
want to touch his frog spots on his bald head, don’t you?”
“What. The. Fuck.” Danica said. She opened her mouth and stuck out her tongue. “I’m going to
throw up.”
“You’re crazy, Lizzy,” I said. “If you both have to know, it’s for Miss Whitaker.”
“Ah,” Danica said. “That makes sense. You’re the writer. She’s the writer.”
“You know her class is bullshit, right?” Lizzy asked. “I mean even if you fail… you don’t fail.”
“I don’t care about failing or not,” I said. “This is all bullshit to me. I just have to show up and
pretend. I think in a way I’m richer than you two bitches right now.”
“Oh, burn,” Danica said.
“Shit, I think she’s right,” Lizzy said. “They’re not going to mess with you, Belle. And with Jo in
your corner… damn. You know I heard a rumor that she and Werthwood were close. Not like… that
kind of close… but they have history.”
“Maybe she made him her bitch,” Danica said.
“Ew,” I said. “I don’t want to think about that.”
“I said it wasn’t that,” Lizzy said.
“I don’t really care,” I said. “I just have to finish this and take it to her house to get…”
“To get what?” Danica asked.
“My notebook,” I said. “She took it. So fucking stupid, I know. But that notebook is all I really
have. It’s just got… it’s me. Okay?”
Lizzy dropped down to her knees. “Hey, that’s pretty cool though, Belle. That you have that. I
mean, that you can write and do that stuff. Your life has been a little crazy.”
“Crazier since I got here,” I said with a weak smile.
“To be fair, we warned you,” Danica said. “But you don’t listen.”
“Maybe you could have gotten that paper written if you weren’t alone with Uly in Miss
Whitaker’s room,” Lizzy said.
 My cheeks burned hot. “What?”
“You weren’t going to tell us,” Danica said. “What a bitch.”
“What…”
“Not sure if Uly said something or someone saw or what,” Lizzy said. “But more than a few
people told me about it.”
I sucked in a breath. “Fuck. It was nothing. Believe me.”
Yeah, right. Tell them about his hands. Or… his one hand… where things were starting to go…
“I was trying to get this done,” I said. “He just walked in like he owned the place.”
“Well, he does,” Danica said. “He, Hil, and Ash. Believe me. When it comes to Them, they do
what they want. You don’t say anything about it either. Everyone has really stepped back because of
East vs. West again. Not sure if this is serious or just talk. I think right now it’s just talk. But Uly has
been pushing at the Rulz.”
“Then you showed up, Belle,” Lizzy said. “Now everything’s changed.”
I shook my head. “Believe me, nothing’s changed.”
“You know, when people say believe me, that means they don’t believe themselves,” Danica said.
I felt cornered even though I was on a giant beach.
I opened my mouth… I had to get something together quick to smooth it all over…
I looked up at Lizzy.
Then I turned my head to Danica.
A cloud of sand smashed against my eyes and face.

***

“Oopsies…”
I coughed and rubbed my eyes.
Which was stupid to do.
Note to self (and anyone) - don’t rub your eyes if you have sand in them.
“You fucking bitch,” Danica said.
“Oh, please, stay on your ass with your legs open… it’s what you’re used to.”
I knew that voice.
It was Sophie.
Then came the cackling giggles of Lila and Maya.
“Here, take my water,” Lizzy said.
I got on my hands and knees and hovered over the blanket, dumping water into the palm of my
hand and gently tossed it at my eyes.
“Oh, look, now Bablebitch is in her position,” Sophie said.
I jumped up to my feet and turned.
I threw the water bottle like it was going to do something to Sophie.
She waved her hand and laughed at me.
I blinked fast, my eyes burning and tearing up.
“She’s not worth it,” Lizzy said to me. “Her father is ruthless too. You touch her and it won’t end
well for you, Jo, or your mother. Believe me.”
I looked at Lizzy, then I quoted Danica. “You know, when people say believe me, that means they
don’t believe themselves.”
“Belle,” Lizzy said.
I stepped toward Sophie.
She curled her lip. She was like a perfect toy. Everything in the right place. Everything the perfect
size for her size.
“You can eat the sand here,” Sophie whispered. “I’m sure it tastes better than whatever shit they
fed you where you used to live.”
“She’s from one of those places where people take videos of the rats carrying a moldy slice of
pizza, right?” Maya asked.
Her bubbly, blonde laugh was like someone screeching in my ear.
Maybe Lizzy was right about Sophie and her father. Or maybe it was just all rumor.
But… she didn’t say anything about Maya.
I swung my right hand without looking.
The moment I connected with Maya’s mouth, she screamed.
I didn’t move my eyes from Sophie’s.
Lila grabbed for me but Sophie put her hand to Lila’s hand.
“It’s okay,” Sophie said.
“Don’t fuck with me or my friends,” I said to Sophie. “Not sure who you think I am.”
“I’m bleeding,” Maya cried out. “I’m fucking bleeding.”
I turned my head and Maya had the smallest cut on her lip I ever saw.
“Oopsies,” I said.
I stepped back onto the towel and then sat down.
“I can make you disappear,” Sophie said to me.
I laughed. “I can make myself disappear. I know I don’t belong here. But I’m starting to like it
here. If I can piss you off and tease your boyfriend at the same time, why not?”
Sophie’s eyes widened.
She stepped toward me and Lila blocked her way.
I don’t know what was said and I didn’t really care.
All I knew was that the three bitches walked away.
“Wow,” Lizzy said.
“You’re going to pay for that one, Belle, but it was cool,” Danica said.
“Fuck them,” I said. “I never did anything wrong to anyone here. And everyone is coming after me
like I did. Fuck everyone. And fuck you both too. You knew that Uly was with me and you didn’t say
anything? You hide it?”
“You hid it first,” Lizzy said.
“Because it was nothing,” I said. Digging that lie just a little bit more, huh? “He was being his
usual prick self and I told him to leave. I don’t know who they think they are… but I’m not going to
fall for their games.”
Danica put a hand to my shoulder. “You already are, Belle.”
Lizzy leaned toward me. “That’s what scares us the most.”

***
I split up from Lizzy and Danica and went back to Jo’s.
I showered and came out to two missed calls from my mother. And a text from her saying I didn’t
answer my phone and she wanted to talk to me.
It made me roll my eyes.
Her version of wanting to talk was never anything good.
I didn’t feel all that bad not calling her back.
Not as I stood at the arched window above the daybed that overlooked the beach in the mansion
that I now lived in. Or the fact that I was going to drive a six figure car in a little bit.
I did text Sarah though.
Just to say hey. And to tell her I missed her. And to tell her I wanted her to come visit.
Then my phone started going off like crazy.
First a text from Sarah.
OMFG. First off I miss you. Second off I need to tell you a crazy story about Taylor.
I couldn’t wait to hear the story.
My mother called again and I accidentally answered the call.
“No,” I whispered.
“Hello to you too.”
“Mom. Hey. Sorry. I was doing something else. Some writing assignment.”
“So that’s why you ignore me now?”
“I’m not ignoring you,” I said.
My phone vibrated.
It was a text from Sarah.
All I saw were the words Taylor and pregnant.
I gasped. “Oh, fuck.”
“Belle!” Mom yelled.
“Sorry,” I said. “I’m in the middle… sorry. Hey. Hi. How are you?”
My mother sighed. “I wanted to share some news with you.”
“Okay. I’m listening.”
“Are you?”
My phone vibrated again.
I hurried to text Sarah.
Give me a minute. Mom on phone. UGH
“I’m all ears,” I said to my mother. “All ears for you, Mom.”
“I’m sitting in my car outside The Spring Lakefield.”
“Okay…”
“I live here now. I mean, we live here now.”
“What?” I asked.
My mother laughed. “Jo came through for us. I knew she would. You can’t imagine this, Belle. A
few of her colleagues… they asked me to clean for them. Doctors. Cleaning for doctors. You know
how big those houses can be…”
I looked around my bedroom at Jo’s house.
“Yeah, big houses,” I said.
“Big houses and big money,” Mom said. “And get this, Belle. One of the doctors… her one
friend’s sister-in-law… stay with me here… she’s the property manager for The Spring Lakefield.
And they were looking for help! Office help. Cleaning. That kind of stuff. Not really much money to
be made, except I get to live here. For free.” She paused for a few seconds. “Did you hear that? For
free!”
“I heard, Mom. That’s great.”
“It’s one of the loft apartments,” she said. “So technically it’s one bedroom. That’s the first level,
right? There’s a bedroom with its own bathroom. Then there are stairs to the loft. That’s where the
other bathroom is. Along with the laundry… but the point is simple. We have a place to live now.
Without worry of anyone. And I have plenty of work. Good work, too. Not that bar and restaurant
stuff.”
I didn’t smile.
I couldn’t picture my mother sticking with this new work routine. Or better yet, her being near
wealthy doctors. I knew her tendencies and what she would do to get what she wanted…
Like have an affair with a married, rich man?
Ding! Ding! Ding! You just won a new car!
“Belle, are you there?”
“I’m here,” I said. “I’m… I’m shocked. I mean, so much has happened so fast.”
“I told you Jo would help. And you don’t even have to go back to that old place, Belle. That place
was no good for you. You deserved better and you’ll have it now.”
“I just got here to Jo’s,” I said. “I mean… you know…”
“You think you’re going to live there?” Mom asked, laughing.
“No. I didn’t say that. But… you should focus on yourself. I don’t mean that to sound mean. I
mean, I’m an adult. I know you hate when I say that. But I’m… you can really do something for
yourself.”
“Right. For myself. So I just end up alone. That’ll be good for me. Work all day. Then walk to my
apartment. This big apartment. The one I was finally able to get. And I get to be alone.”
“I didn’t say that,” I said. I sighed. “Mom, I’m literally in the middle of something. It has to do
with my writing. It’s a big project. I’m really sorry I can’t talk more.”
“Well, since you can’t talk… I mean, if you’re happy… but you should be here. Where you
belong. That life over there isn’t the forever kind of life for you, Belle.”
“I never said it was,” I said. “Mom, I’m happy for you. I’m proud of you. A lot has happened
though.”
“And I’m not capable of handling a lot? You have no idea, Belle…”
My phone buzzed.
Another text from Sarah.
Hellooooo?! You need to hear this!
“Mom, I have to go.”
“I guess I should go too,” she said. “I got our favorite Chinese food… I’m going to have dinner.
Alone.”
The call went dead.
I put my head back.
Maybe I got my artist brain from my mother.
Her flair for the dramatics was something else.
It attracted the wrong kind of men and always ended up hurting her. But she sure knew how to
make someone feel like crap.
I set my sights on Sarah.
 This better be good… my mother just gave me the guilt trip of a lifetime.
I hit send.
Then I went back and read Sarah’s other message.
So Taylor… told me she’s pregnant
I gasped.
I started to pace the bedroom.
My heart raced.
I couldn’t imagine… pregnant…
And the guys that Taylor were into.
Sarah was typing me a book.
I must have put a mile of walking in the room by the time the message came through.
OMG so she tells me that. I thought she missed her period and took a test and everything,
right? I mean, that’s the normal thing to do. But not Taylor. She showed me her stomach and
wanted to know if she looked fat. Oh, I hate that girl for that stuff. I laughed and told her she
was probably bloated. Then she told me she doesn’t remember the last time she got her period. I
was like ‘oh fuck’ …
I let out a groan.
Sarah was typing more to me.
I sat on the corner of my bed when the message came through.
I freaked out. She did too. So we hurried to come up with enough money to buy a pregnancy
test. We were going crazy, Belle. She started to cry. I was like… wow. You know? I mean,
pregnant? Damn. So anyway. We get this test and bring it back to my place. My mother was still
working. She goes into the bathroom. Guess what? She’s not pregnant. But that’s not the crazy
part of the story. Ready for the rest?
“Oh, come on,” I whispered.
I decided to just call Sarah.
I couldn’t sit around for hours waiting for this story to end.
“Why are you calling me?”
“Hello to you too,” I said. "I can't stand waiting for the texts.”
“Shit, my mother is home,” she whispered. “Let me get outside quick.”
Sarah shuffled to the door. It slammed shut behind her. That meant she was out on the old deck.
That thing terrified me. It always felt like it was going to rip from the house.
“Ready?” she asked.
“This better be good.”
“Oh, Belle, it’s amazing. So she’s not pregnant, right? There’s a sense of relief on her face. And in
her stomach size… like you can tell she’s calmed down. And the bathroom. Ohmygod… it did not
smell good.”
“What?” I asked. “Did you really call me to tell me that Taylor took a-”
“Listen to me,” Sarah said. “This is crazy stuff. She went out with some dude. From another town.
They met up and got tacos. Right? Taylor said he was the hottest guy she had ever seen in her life.
And she just kept eating tacos and staring. She lost all of her game near this guy. So much so that
she… she ate too much. You know?”
“No. I don’t know.”
“She was full. She had these feelings… to pass gas…”
 “Ew.”
“She held it all in,” Sarah said. “They ended up hanging out for a while and then this super-hot
guy was a perfect gentleman and only kissed her. Taylor was floating and since she held everything
for so long, she ended up freaking out, thinking she was pregnant. She told me it figures she’d get
knocked up after meeting a hot guy.”
“So she…”
“Oh yeah,” Sarah said. “She must have taken the pregnancy test, saw it was negative, and then just
let it all go. I’m surprised I didn’t hear it. But the smell…”
“I’m going to get sick if you keep talking about it,” I said.
Sarah laughed. “I told her she was the dumbest person I ever met in my life. How fucking stupid
could you be? She was bloated from eating too many tacos and thought she was pregnant.”
“Wow,” I said. “That’s all I can say right now.”
“Yeah. How’s your life going?”
I looked around the massive bedroom. “I don’t even know where to start, Sarah.”
“Well, I was texting you because I was getting ready to leave. I promised my mother I’d have
dinner with her. You know, cheesy bonding time. So she could feel good about herself. So I kind of
have to go. But you can text anything you want.”
“I won’t bother you during bonding time,” I said.
I could hear Sarah’s eyes rolling though the phone.
“Later, bitch,” Sarah said.
She hung up before I could say goodbye.
I tossed my phone behind me and shook my head.
Everything was definitely all mixed up.
And to think I could stop it all just by doing what my mother said.
Go back home.
Live in a nice apartment.
Have my best friend back.
Go back to what I knew in life.
And it would be comfort knowing someone like Jo was always there.
Best of all, I’d be far away from BFH.
Far away from Uly. Hil. Ash.
Them.
It was the right thing to do.
The easy thing to do.
The common sense thing to do.
I could have packed my bags right then and just left.
But I didn’t.
sixteen

Miss Whitaker’s house was amazing.

The size of the house did not match up to her job.
There was no way someone teaching creative writing at BFH could get paid enough to own this
kind of house. Which meant there was more to her mysterious story.
Everyone had a story.
And I didn’t like my sudden addiction to knowing all these stories.
It wasn’t an obscenely big house either.
It was elegant yet comforting.
The house itself was white with windows that had a cross shape on each one. Heavy curtains
covered up the inside but a light was in each window.
The front walkway had no porch, but rather a concrete slab that was filled with all kinds of
flowers. It was almost like walking into a garden to get to her front door. Two white pillars held up
the small roof over the walkway. Green vines climbed and twisted around each pillar.
It almost reminded me of some house in the woods in a fairy tale or something.
It was a perfect mix of fancy yet laid back.
Which was kind of like Miss Whitaker.
I stood at the front door and cleared my throat.
The door itself was a dark orange color. Kind of like amber but not really.
Amber… eyes… Ash…
He was the reason I was here.
Because he stole that piece of paper out of my notebook and handed it in to Miss Whitaker.
And now I was here, handing in another assignment so I could get my notebook back from her.
It was maddening, yet I wasn’t all that mad.
If I was going to be tossed around BFH, I liked having an outlet like this one.
I lifted my hand and my nose twitched.
I smelled cigarette smoke.
My heart sank.
I spun around, expecting to see Uly or Hil.
That they had followed me.
That they…
There was nobody there.
But the smell was.
I slowly turned toward the door again.
Then I heard a laugh.
“You can knock if you want.”
I screamed.
I looked to my right and there was Miss Whitaker.
On a wooden bench swing that hung from the small roof.
And she was smoking.
 I pointed to her and slowly took a few steps.
She had one leg up, wearing jeans with holes in the knees. Her bare kneecap stuck right through
the jeans. She was in what looked like an old BFH hoodie. The sleeves were frayed and stretched,
the neck cut down a few inches.
And her hair was put up in the messiest top bun I had ever seen in my life.
“Miss Whitaker?” I asked.
“You can call me Lake here,” she said.
“You’re smoking.”
“I am?” she asked. She looked around. She smiled. “You know, a guy once used that line on me.
Said I was smoking and he wanted to put me out. I had no idea what the point of the pickup line was.”
“What…”
“I am human, Belle,” she said.
“You smoke.”
“You do too.”
“But I’m…”
“What? Allowed to? Because you’re nineteen and cool?”
“I don’t know,” I said.
“So you showed up. That’s good. Do you have the assignment?”
“Yeah,” I said. “Plenty to write about when it comes to the word heart.”
“I hope it’s not something stupid about how heart and fart rhyme.”
I shook my head.
Then I thought about Taylor.
Well, there is a story I could tell you, Miss Whitaker…
I smiled. “It’s good. It’s a poem. You’ll like it.”
“Of course I will,” she said. “Just wonder how deep you went. Is it about your first love? Your
second love? Or your next love?”
“What if it’s about more than one heart?” I asked.
“Oh, I like,” Miss Whitaker said. She stood up from the swing and smoked her cigarette. It was so
weird to see. “A love triangle.”
“More than that.”
Her eyes went wider. “Well then. Someone is either trying to break hearts or trying to get rid of
her own for good.”
I held my hand out with a piece of paper. “You’ll have to read to find out.”
“Then let’s go read it,” she said. “I’m sure you want your notebook back, right?”
“Well, yeah,” I said. “It’s important to me.”
Miss Whitaker flicked her cigarette out to the walkway like such a badass, I was jaw dropped.
“Hope you don’t mind I did that,” she said to me. I watched the smoke coming from her mouth. “I
don’t often get people like you around here, Belle. These entitled assholes just pass through looking
for a grade to move on with life. But you seem to get it. And I promise it’s not about becoming famous
or anything. Just being able to write like you do is amazing. Just wanted to say that.”
I slowly nodded. “Yeah. Right. It’s cool. I mean, I appreciate it. I’m glad I got to meet you. I’m
still not sure of what I’m doing around here. Or if I’m even staying here.”
“Well, if you left, that would suck. But I can’t tell someone how to live.”
Miss Whitaker walked to the front door.
She opened it and held it for me.
 I stepped inside of the house and it was so warm and inviting. It wasn’t bright and fake and all
mansion-y. Even though it was a really big house. It kind of reminded me of the house where a writer
would live. Just the feel of it. The lights. The dark colors of the hardwood floors and the decor all
around.
We passed through a large foyer with an open staircase to the right.
I turned my head and caught sight of a big, stone fireplace.
I wasn’t sure if the room was a living room or a sitting room or whatever other name rich people
came up with when they had too much room.
“I can give you the tour later,” Miss Whitaker said.
“I’ll do it.”
The voice sent chills up and down my spine.
I spun around and when I saw Uly leaning against the counter in the kitchen, his necklaces
touching the counter, that smug grin on his face… I covered my mouth.
I looked at Miss Whitaker.
Then back to Uly.
He winked at me.

***

“I’m not sure if you two have met yet,” Miss Whitaker said. “This is Ulysses…”
“Uly,” he called out. “I keep it simple.”
He pushed from the counter and walked from the kitchen right toward me.
He wasn’t wearing his beanie now.
His full head of dark hair was messy and perfectly sexy.
“Oh, right,” Miss Whitaker said. “Uly. Forgive me. Well, Uly, this is Belle. Belle Bablebit. She’s
working with me on a project.”
“How amazing to meet you,” Uly said.
He offered his hand.
I gave him my right hand - shaking - and he smiled when he shook my hand.
“I’m going to get a drink and get to reading,” Miss Whitaker said. “Belle, can I get you anything?”
“I’ll take care of that, Lake,” Uly said so casually. “You just go read whatever you have to read.
I’ll make sure Belle is taken care of. I’ll give her the full tour of everything.”
Miss Whitaker walked away.
I was left with Uly, still shaking his hand.
My lips quivered. My mouth moved.
I didn’t know what to do or say.
Uly leaned toward me and put his lips to my ear. “Come on, doll, let me show you around my
house.”
I came to my senses and pulled my hand away from Uly’s.
“What is this?” I whispered. “Are you and Miss Whitaker… no. That can’t be. Wait. She’s too
young to be your mother. But she’s…”
Uly grinned even bigger.
He shrugged his shoulders and started to walk away.
 Toward the room with the giant fireplace.
So I went after him.
I really didn’t have a choice.
The room had a pitched ceiling with thick, wood beams across the ceiling.
Uly stopped and reached up. His fingertips crept around one of the beams. When he did that, his
shirt pulled up, showing off two lines that came together as a v that slid into the front of his jeans.
“Eyes up here, Belle,” he said. “Jeez. What kind of guest are you?”
My face burned hot. “What are you doing here?”
“You mean at my house?”
“Your house? Really?”
Uly released his grip on the wood beam. “What? You don’t believe me? You want proof that I
own this place?”
“What? You own this… place? Then what is…”
I looked over my shoulder.
What is Miss Whitaker doing here then?
I looked forward again and Uly was just a few short inches away from me.
I gasped.
“Surprised, doll?” Uly asked.
“Nothing surprises me in this town right now,” I said.
“You haven’t even asked the other question on your mind.”
“Oh, great. Here we go. Make your comment, Uly. Get it off your chest. About my chest. Or your
bed. Or whatever.”
Uly shook his head. “No. You haven’t asked why you haven’t seen me around the halls. Like you
do with the others. And why I park where I park. Or why I do what I do.” Uly brushed his lips to my
cheek. “Let me go get you that drink.”
He slipped away and left the room.
I hated that the room was so cozy and comfortable. It felt like it was Miss Whitaker, if she were a
room. Weird. There were plenty of places to sit but I chose to pace. Or maybe I really didn’t have a
choice but to pace.
What in the hell was Uly doing here?
He returned to the room with two tall, clear glasses of bubbling water.
“Is there alcohol in this?” I asked.
“No,” he said. “But I can make that happen if you’d like. Of course, you’d have to stay here then. I
have plenty of room for guests. But for you, I’d have you sleep in my room. Right in my bed. Right
next to me.”
“I’m good with the water then,” I said.
I sipped the water. Lemon.
Uly put his glass on a table and reached up for the wood beam again. Meaning he’d seen the way
my eyes lit up at the sight of skin and muscle.
“So you came all this way to hand in a writing assignment?” Uly asked.
“I was told to,” I said.
“To get your notebook back, right?”
I swallowed hard. “What…”
“I think you’re a talented writer, Belle.”
“You read my notebook?” I put my glass down and jumped at him. I grabbed his shirt. “You piece
of shit. You read my personal notebook?”
“I already saw it on the beach,” he said. “Remember? When I saved you?”
“First off, I didn’t ask for your help then,” I said. “Or now. Or ever. Got that? That notebook is
my…” I grinned. “You know what? Fuck you all then.”
“Tough words,” he whispered.
My hands let go of his shirt. “I’m going to talk to Werthwood. Explain everything that’s happened
here. Miss Whitaker had no right to take my notebook. Especially if it was going to end up in your
hands.” I reached for my glass again and took a sip of water. I put the glass back down. “Oh, by the
way, I’m leaving too. Not just this house. But BFH. I’m over it, Uly. And unlike these other bitches
around here who are stuck because of their parents… I’m able to just walk away. And there’s nothing
you can do about it.”
I made my move around Uly, fully expecting him to reach for me.
But he didn’t.
I made it a few more steps before I heard glass shattering.
I made the mistake then of turning around.
Uly faced me, water on the floor, along with shards of glass.
But his hand… it was bleeding.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
His eyes were as intense as I had ever seen them before.
His black t-shirt and black jeans, slightly different shades of black, and his messy hair, and those
necklaces… with the look on his face… I shivered.
Uly looked at his hand. “Guess I squeezed too hard and broke it.”
“Are you serious?” I asked. “You squeezed…” I looked around. “Let me get you a towel or
something.”
I darted toward the kitchen.
I grabbed the first towel I could find and rushed it back to Uly.
He just stood there, palm facing up, a small pool of blood forming.
Not a care in the world.
I stopped and threw the towel at him.
“You do it,” I said. “It’s your hand. What the fuck do I care?”
“You care a lot, doll,” he said. He put the towel into his hand and made a fist and squeezed. “Just
so you know, this towel costs a couple hundred dollars.”
“It’s your towel, not mine,” I said.
“Right. You should have seen the look on your face. You really think you’re going to just leave?”
“Yeah,” I said. “I am, Uly. My mother called and she has something set up for us.”
“And that’s what you want? To go back to that kind of life?”
“That kind of life?” I asked. “Are you serious, Uly? Compared to this kind of life? This isn’t my
life. Jo’s not family. And the games you want to play… not interested. You’re just like everyone else.
Except you have money. At least I think you do. I don’t understand what this whole set up is here.”
“This is my house,” Uly said. “I don’t need to lie about that. As far as Miss Whitaker goes,
she’s-”
“There you two are. You didn’t even make it to the tour yet?”
I turned my head and saw Miss Whitaker entering the room.
She pointed to Uly’s hand.
“Glass broke,” he said. “I guess I don’t know my own strength. Or maybe it was just being near
someone as pretty as Belle here.”
My cheeks turned red.
Miss Whitaker snorted. “Ulysses, don’t use cheap lines on someone like Belle.”
“My apologies,” Uly said. “I’ll have to think of some more when she’s gone. Because looking at
her just leaves me distracted.”
“Oh, just stop,” Miss Whitaker said.
“I’m used to it,” I said to her. “Douchebags like this guy are everywhere.”
“Well said,” Miss Whitaker said.
She put her fist out and I hit mine to hers.
“Well look at this,” Uly said. “How sweet.”
“Don’t mind him, he’s just jealous,” Miss Whitaker said. “Ulysses hates when he’s not the center
of attention. Or when he’s not the smartest person.”
“Smart…?” I asked.
Miss Whitaker tilted her head. “Yeah. Of course. Ulysses is the smartest person I’ve ever met in
my life. You probably haven’t seen him around Bay Falls High yet because he doesn’t take regular
classes. He’s advanced.”
I looked at Uly.
He grinned and winked. “Hear that, Belle… I’m advanced.”

***

“So he’s literally a smart ass?” I asked.

Miss Whitaker laughed. “I like this. She’s not afraid to stand up to you, Ulysses. We should do this
more often.”
“I agree,” Uly said.
“I don’t know about that,” I blurted out.
My mind raced even more now.
Uly owned the house. Miss Whitaker lived there. And Uly was… smart? Like super smart.
It was…
“Let’s talk about this assignment,” Miss Whitaker said.
“Yes, let’s do that,” Uly said with another grin.
“With him here?” I asked.
“I’m extremely well read,” Uly said. “Here’s one that comes to mind… In the ashes, I find the
sand, the castles we once lived in, where I stood hidden, and you came to find me. You said you
never meant to set that fire, but you said it with a smile. And that smile set me on fire…”
Uly looked at me.
That was something out of my notebook.
I swallowed hard.
Yes, I was angry.
But I was also something else because of his voice speaking my words.
“Lyrical,” I said. “You should sing that, Uly.”
He winked at me.
Why can’t I get to him? Why can’t I bother him?
 “I like what you’ve written, Belle,” Miss Whitaker said. “Come with me so we can talk in
private.”
“I guess I’ll just clean up the mess I made here,” Uly said.
“You should get your hand looked at,” I said. “You might need stitches.”
Uly nodded. “Hey, Belle…”
“What?” I asked.
“Thanks for caring.”
As Miss Whitaker walked out of the room toward the kitchen, I reached back with my right hand
and showed Uly the middle finger.
In the kitchen, Miss Whitaker looked around and then pointed to another room.
Just off the kitchen was a hallway that led to a few doors. She opened one and I gasped when I
realized it was a library. Bigger than any apartment I had ever lived in with my mother. Floor to
ceiling shelves, filled with books. There was even one of those ladders with the wheels so you could
get to the books on the top shelf.
Miss Whitaker shut the door behind her.
“There,” she said. “I know Ulysses can be intimidating. He’s… well, he’s his own kind…”
“Yeah, he is,” I said. “And you two live here together?”
“I don’t like the tone of the word together,” she said.
“I would never think or suggest anything like that,” I said. “Sorry. I’m just… it was a shock to see
him here. I mean, you know, you are so…”
“Wow, Belle, you okay over there?” Miss Whitaker asked.
I sucked in a breath and let out a sigh. “You are so cool and laid back. Okay? I’m really pissed
that someone stole my writing and gave it to you. But I get it… it worked out. I’m really pissed that
you took my notebook and Uly read it… but whatever, right? It’s words.”
“You can hate me for that then, Belle. Ulysses is the smartest person that I have ever met. I tried
hard for a long time to get him out of here. To go somewhere where he could really do something
special. I hope he does that at some point. Business. Art. Science. Math. He’s incredible. I’m sorry if
I put you in an uncomfortable position.” Miss Whitaker sighed and leaned against a desk in the middle
of the room. “This is my fault, Belle. I lied to you about something. I really want you to keep writing
while you’re here. And I really want to send some of it to people I know to read. I want you to
become something greater than whatever brought you here and whatever is going to take you away.
Even if I can just… I don’t know. Show you that quick glimmer. So I owe you an apology. I am sorry.
But what you’re able to do here… will you read it to me? Your assignment?”
I couldn’t figure it out but I really trusted Miss Whitaker.
I took the paper from her hand.
“I don’t want to do this,” I said.
“But you wrote it. You showed up to hand it in. All for a bullshit class. You knew I was bringing
your notebook back tomorrow anyway.”
I nodded.
I wasn’t sure if Miss Whitaker was desperate, crazy, or a genius.
After taking a deep breath, I looked down at the paper.
The word heart written right on top.
Before I could speak a word, I thought of three things.
Uly, Hil, and Ash.
 ***

Miss Whitaker gave me my notebook back.

“I need a cigarette,” I said.
“We all do, Belle,” she said. “Need me to walk you out?”
“No. I’m okay. Did you really mean what you said about sending some of this stuff to people you
know?”
“I did mean it,” she said. “I don’t want you to feel pressured though, Belle. And I hope you know I
don’t do this kind of thing. But something about you just…”
“Like Uly?” I asked.
She laughed. “That’s the writer in you, Belle. Always wondering. Writing all these stories in your
head. Go home. Try to relax.”
And just like that Miss Whitaker disappeared into the big house that apparently wasn’t actually
hers.
I left the house and didn’t make it past the vine covered white pillars before Uly stepped into my
path. A cigarette hanging from his lips. Everything about him just cutting through me way too easily.
“The heart is a motherfucker, isn’t it, doll?”
“Do you even have a heart?” I asked.
“Of course I do,” Uly said. “I let Miss Whitaker live here. Although I know her as Lake. Saying
Miss Whitaker is just so fucking cute to say.”
“And you’re never going to tell me anything there, are you? Too bad I guess. Would have loved to
have known the story before I leave for good.”
I walked around Uly and when I got to my car, his hands touched my waist.
I knew he was there the entire time but I pretended I didn’t know.
He must have ditched his cigarette, which was maybe a little romantic, considering he would
rather touch me than a cigarette.
He pulled me against him.
“Leaving would be the biggest mistake of your life, doll,” he whispered.
“Then that’s my-”
“Lake lives with me,” Uly said. “That’s true. She worked for my father after her writing dreams
fell apart. She was the first person to look at me and not just see some kid that was going to inherit a
lot of money. If it wasn’t for her pushing at me to do more I don’t know what I’d be. Or where. I was
sent to Brooks Crest for a short time. I owed this to Lake. She got a teaching job. And while her class
is total bullshit, she gets to do something she enjoys. And she still writes all the time at home. But
don’t tell her I told you that. To me… Lake is like a big sister. Or mother figure. I don’t know. My
mother took off after everything happened. So there’s your fucking story, Belle. Stick around and
you’ll learn even more.”
I hurried to spin around and look up at Uly. “What do you mean by she worked for your father
and everything happened…? What happened?”
Uly moved his hands from my waist to my face. He lowered his mouth to mine and kissed me like
we were a couple. Like we had been kissing for years. And holy fuck did he know how to kiss. I felt
chills on my kneecaps. I felt little prickles of hair on my legs standing up and I had just shaved my
legs that morning.
His tongue slithered like regret against mine but I couldn’t stop kissing him back.
He finally pulled away.
My eyes looked to the ring missing the diamond.
“What happened, Belle, is simple,” Uly said.
“So then tell me,” I whispered, my lips feeling pouty from Uly’s kiss.
He took out his sunglasses and put them on his face.
It was dark out.
Then he told me what happened.
“Don’t leave me, doll… and you’ll find out everything.”
seventeen

There were some strange things I had woken up to in my life.

Times when I went to bed and my mother was dating a guy named Josh and I’d wake up to a guy
name Derek cooking pancakes with a smug grin on his face.
And my mother would shuffle from the bedroom, half naked, hugging Derek from behind, making
it well known what they had done and what she wanted to have happen again.
That sort of became the normal for me. It was better than being woken up to my mother crying for
help or the police showing up because of something happening to her.
When I was a kid, police officers used to give me a bear when they’d show up. It was some kind
of thing they did to help kids stay calm and feel safe.
To put it blunt… I had an entire police force of teddy bears… to the point that they stopped giving
them to me.
Now, there were other crazy mornings. Like the ones after parties. Where I’d be desperate to find
Sarah, Taylor, and Grace and get out of some house while we were in one piece. Those were fun
mornings though. We’d drive to a diner, chug coffee with our sunglasses on, eat greasy food, and then
avoid all sunlight for the day.
When I opened my eyes and slowly sat up in bed, I never thought in a million years I’d see Jo
sitting at the corner of the bed.
Dressed in all black, a dress that made her look to die for.
She was so stunningly beautiful that it made me blush.
“Breakfast?” she asked.
There was a cart next to my bed. Like you’d see in a hotel.
Filled with food.
“Coffee?” I asked.
“You have hands,” she said. “You can pour it. Unless you want me to have someone do that for
you.”
“No, I’m fine,” I said.
I threw the covers off my body and sat up.
Wearing my favorite pajama bottoms and my new favorite hoodie. They didn’t match and I didn’t
care. At least not until I was next to Jo. And I was sure she had fancy pajamas that all matched.
My mismatched clothes and my bedhead just completed the concept of me making myself feel like
crap near Jo.
I poured myself coffee.
“Hungover or just tired?” Jo asked.
“Tired,” I said. “It’s been hectic.”
“I see you’ve thrown yourself right into things.”
“What choice did I have?”
“Same choice you have now,” Jo said as she stood up.
“Fuck, you’re pretty,” I said. “I mean… are you really a doctor?”
“What are you suggesting? I’m some high class whore?”
 “No,” I said, heat flooding my cheeks.
Jo smiled. “I have no reason to lie to you, Belle. I know your mother called you. Fucking
Michelle, right? This is what she does. She can never stop for a minute.” Jo laughed. “Just like me.
That’s why we always got along.”
“Just different paths.”
“Yeah. Looks like you get to choose your path now, Belle.”
“Looks that way. But do I really have a choice? You offered to get me out of that situation. I’m
thankful for it. But it wasn’t a forever thing. I’m pretty sure everyone knows that. So if my mother is
serious about what she’s got going on… I can help her out. We’ll actually have a decent place to live
for once. She can keep working. I can finish my classes and figure out what’s next. She just needs to
stay busy enough to not get tied up with some guy.”
Jo swallowed hard. She reached for her small bag and took out her phone. “I’ll hate myself for
five minutes for this next part, Belle. Do you know why I chose five minutes?”
“Why?”
“Because you should hate yourself once in a while. We all make dumb decisions. We all get put
into a place where we have to make a big decision. And fighting it… I don’t know. Sometimes you
just need to sit down and say I hate myself and explain why and then let it go. On the other side of the
hate is the truth.”
“So what’s the truth, Jo?”
She showed me her phone.
It was a picture of my mother.
With some guy.
A guy in a polo shirt with a clean cut jawline, a butt chin, bright brown eyes, and slicked back
hair.
“Fuck,” I said.
“Meet Chester,” Jo said. “He’s the CPA for one of the doctors Michelle cleans for. He was there
while she was cleaning. They hit it off…”
I swallowed hard, feeling sick. “They always hit it off. And then they hit her.”
Jo nodded. “Looks like you really do have that decision to make, Belle. Which path. Stay or go.”
“I’m going to hate myself for whatever the decision is.”
“I know that. That’s why I said to take five minutes to hate yourself. Just like I’m going to do
because I showed you that picture. Michelle asked me not to show it to you. She was worried you’d
get worried.”
“Then why’d you show it to me?”
Jo put her phone away and tucked her bag under her arm. “That’s what’s at the end of the five
minutes of me hating myself.”
“Which is what, Jo?”
“You being here,” she said. “I don’t mind it all that much. If you have the chance to do something
for yourself, you should, Belle. You’re an adult. You don’t need to worry about anyone but yourself.
And what I talked to you about the other night… I don’t do that. I don’t bring the work home, and I
sure as hell don’t talk about it.”
“So this is you telling me you like me and want me here?”
“I wouldn’t go that far, Belle.”
Jo left the bedroom, shutting the doors behind her.
I looked down at the food on the cart.
 I thought about my mother… already with another man.
But everything at BFH… wasn’t meant for me.
So what if there was a third path?
I could either go home, stay with Jo…
Or just leave to go somewhere else.

***

Lizzy shut her locker and looked at me. “Fuck this place kind of day?”
“Works for me,” I said.
“Let me text that bitch Danica and we’ll go down to the field.”
“The field?” I asked.
“Baseball field,” Lizzy said. “Good place to sit, soak up the sun, and pretend to care. As long as
you have a book or two open, nobody will bother you. Worst case, work up some tears and cry over a
boy or your period and you’re golden.”
“So it’s like skipping without skipping,” I said.
“Exactly,” Lizzy said.
We left BFH and met up with Danica.
She stood with her back against the building, smoking a cigarette.
Looking bad and cool.
I didn’t say a word to her either about Uly or Miss Whitaker.
“My mother wants me to leave here,” I said.
“Whoa,” Lizzy said.
“That’s news,” Danica said. “You’re leaving already?”
“Don’t know yet,” I said. “I feel like if I stay it’ll just be… problems.”
“I wonder what they’d do then?” Lizzy asked.
“Who?” I asked.
“Them,” Lizzy said. “They don’t like to lose.”
“The whole Them thing is bullshit,” I said. “Nothing’s happened. I don’t believe it.”
“If that helps you sleep at night,” Danica said. “You have a chance to get out of here…”
“I don’t know,” I said. “My mother is already dating some guy. Like she always does. I was
almost thinking of just leaving all together. Maybe I can ask Jo to lend me money. You know? I can
start over somewhere.”
“Ah fuck,” Lizzy said. “Douche jocks are out here…”
We were at the entrance gate to the baseball field.
Owen was throwing balls to Aaron. Max was hitting baseballs with some kind of machine that
threw the ball.
And then there was Ryan.
He stood with a baseball bat and glove but wasn’t doing anything.
“You know his jaw is wired shut, right?” Danica asked me.
“For real?” I asked.
“Oh yeah,” Lizzy said. “Uly and Hil…”
My heart sank.
 But then it lifted back up.
I pictured Ryan on the beach. The things he said to me. His hands trying to touch me. Thinking he
was all cool and perfect and that I wanted him or something.
“I’m going to go talk to him,” I said.
“What? Why?” Lizzy asked.
“This is my fault,” I said.
“It’s his fault,” Danica said. “For whatever he did to get the attention of Them.”
“I know that,” I said. “But that was because of me. And on top of that, I own him now. Ryan is my
bitch. And I’m just going to go remind him of that.”
Lizzy and Danica were jaw dropped.
I walked away from them and toward Ryan.
He didn’t even see me at first.
I grabbed the baseball bat from him and lifted it into the air.
When he saw me, he tried to scream, but his mouth barely moved.
I saw what looked like braces on his teeth and my stomach did a flip.
Ryan threw his baseball glove to the ground and showed his hands.
“We have to talk,” I said.
He looked toward the field.
When I looked, Aaron, Max, and Owen were watching.
I pointed the baseball bat at all of them.
They showed their hands too.
I had power.
Real fucking power.
My mind flashed back to Gray again.
How badly I wanted to take a baseball bat to him. For what he did.
Yet maybe I owed him a hug.
All he did was help me feel the way I felt right then… and I had power.
“Take a seat somewhere,” I said to Ryan.
He walked to the first row of seats and sat down.
I sat next to him and kept the baseball bat close.
“Can you talk?” I asked.
He shrugged his shoulders.
“Does it hurt?”
Ryan nodded.
“So how do you talk to people?”
Ryan waved his right hand like he was writing.
I nodded.
I reached for my bag and grabbed a pen and a notebook.
I opened it to a fresh page.
“Who did this to you?”
Ryan lifted one eyebrow at me.
“Yeah, I know… I already know who did, Ryan. But I want you to say it. Er, write it.”
Ryan scribbled in the notebook.
You know who
“Dude, you better fucking write it,” I said. “Or I’m going to take the baseball bat to your legs.”
 The pen magically started to move.
Your boyfriends
I rolled my eyes.
“Uly and Hil,” I said.
Ryan nodded.
“I saw Uly hit you,” I said. “Obviously. But then Hil did it too? Is that what made it… break?”
Ryan nodded again.
“Tell me how it happened.”
This time Ryan didn’t object.
He just shut up and wrote.
Came to the field to talk. He never just wants to talk. I know when a hit is coming. You don’t
fuck with Them. So I took it. No big deal.
I shook my head. “You didn’t tell anyone? Like the cops or something?”
Ryan put his head back like he was laughing.
Then he scribbled some more.
Seriously? The cops? That’s not how it works here. Take the hit and move on in life. Ryan
showed me the notebook and then started to write some more. I’m sorry for what happened on the
beach. I didn’t know you were with Them.
My face turned red.
They really believed I was chosen or claimed or whatever by Them.
“Don’t fuck with me again, Ryan,” I said. “Next time they’ll kill you.”
Ryan shook his head.
Hil would never kill me. The others… maybe. But Hil wouldn’t let it happen.
“Why not?” I asked.
Ryan smirked.
Hil used to play baseball, Belle. He was the best player on the team too. He and I were best
friends growing up too. You probably didn’t know that. Now you do. Feel free to tell him I told you.
He can break my jaw again. What the fuck do I care?
I stood up and shut the notebook.
I grabbed my bag and pointed to Ryan. “Are you telling the truth?”
Ryan nodded.
“Why did he stop playing?”
Ryan pointed to his mouth then to my bag.
“Never mind then,” I said. “Thanks for the talk.”
I ran away from the field and toward Lizzy and Danica.
“Did Hil play baseball?” I asked them.
“Yeah,” Lizzy said. “Long time ago though.”
“He was the best player in the state,” Danica said.
“He was a stupid jock? Was this before he and Uly had a band?”
“Right around that time,” Danica said. “Why?”
“Why did he stop?”
Lizzy and Danica looked at each other.
Then at me.
“Oh, fine,” I said. “Fuck you both then.”
I pushed by them.
 “Where are you going?” Lizzy called out.
I stopped and looked back. “I’m going to Miss Whitaker’s class to finish this fucking day. And
then I’m going to find Hil. And I’m going to get more answers.”
“Are you sure that’s what you want?” Danica asked.
“No,” I said.
But what fucking choice did I have anymore?
eighteen

Jo was gone again.

So I decided to be gone too.
I got into the car and started to drive but had nowhere to go.
“Shit,” I whispered as I stopped in the middle of the road just outside Jo’s house.
I had no choice but to text Hil.
Don’t overthink it. I need to see you.
He was way too quick to reply.
I need to see you too, beauty
I took a deep breath.
Where do you live?
Instead of texting me an address, Hil decided to be… Hil.
I’m in your head, your heart. Your panties. Unless you don’t wear any. Which is fine by me.
Less work. More fun.
Heat flooded my body.
I started to reply when another text came through.
This one with an address and instructions on where to meet him.
All I had to do then was talk to the car.
Talk to the fucking car…
And it brought up a map on the screen located on the dashboard and took me right to Hil and
Ash’s house.
Now this… this was a neighborhood.
There were a set of giant, iron gates that almost looked like cemetery gates.
They were open, ready for me.
The private road had lights on each side, along with trees that almost looked like Jo’s driveway.
The road ended and the headlights of my car flooded Hil’s body as he stood there smoking a
cigarette.
I stopped the car and climbed out.
“Park right there,” he said.
I looked around.
There wasn’t just one giant house.
There were several houses.
Some smaller than others.
The obvious main house was behind Hil. I wasn’t sure how far away it was but it looked like a
palace. Like something royalty would live in.
Hil flicked his cigarette to the ground and put his hand out for me.
I slipped my hand into his and he pulled me toward him.
“I’ll take you to the koi pond,” he said. “You’ll love it there.”
“Oh?”
“You can feed the fish. Sometimes there’s frogs too.”
 “Do you secretly love animals, Hil? Are you just a big mush under it all?”
“Not even close, beauty,” he said. “I’ve put people in that koi pond. Those who don’t listen to
me.”
“Are you going to drown me?”
Hil grinned. “I plan on making you plenty wet in other ways.”
I had a lump in my throat and my face was hot.
I could take comments… but when Hil said that stuff…
We walked from the road to a path.
“This is impressive here,” I said.
“Yeah, well, it’s what they wanted. Their own little whatever.”
“Your mother and stepfather.”
“Yeah,” Hil said. “That a problem?”
“No. I’m sorry about… you know…”
“Not your thing to be sorry for. You didn’t do anything to make that happen.”
“Right.”
“They work on a lot of big things,” Hil said. “They have a lot of people come in from across the
world. So rather than deal with hotels and meetings they have this place.”
“Makes sense,” I said. “Quiet and private.”
“Some of the women I’ve seen… oh, Belle…”
I pulled my hand away. “Does that work for you? Bragging about people you’ve slept with?”
“Because it makes you jealous.”
“Hardly. It makes you gross.”
“No it doesn’t. It turns you on, Belle. Because you know I know what to do. How to do it. Where
to do it. I know the exact spot to put my lips to make you shiver and giggle. And I know right where to
put my-”
“In the palm of your hand, Hil,” I said. “That’s where you can put it.”
He smiled. “Here we are.”
This was more like a Koi lake.
But it was beautiful.
There was a wooden bridge that arched over the water. A gazebo on the other side. Lights were
on inside the gazebo. And even around the large pond, there were enough lights to light up the water.
Hil walked over the bridge and went toward a small shed.
It was bright red with white trim.
He returned with a bag of these pellet looking things.
“Food for the fish,” he said.
I caught myself smiling.
Hil was the same guy who was kind of gross but mostly hot. The same guy who broke Ryan’s jaw.
And now he was giving me food to feed fish.
As I tossed the pellets into the water, the fish came rushing to eat.
Bright orange colors. White. Orange and white mixed.
It reminded me of Ash.
“I know what you’re thinking, beauty,” Hil said. “And you can ask him about that.”
I looked at Hil. “You can read my mind now?”
“No. But you’re smart. You saw Ash’s ink. And now you see these fish. And, yes, it’s connected.”
“You’re all just one big mystery,” I said. “Them… one surprise after another.”
 “You’re the same to us.”
“But you don’t share.”
“Nope.”
“So what happens next then, Hil? With Uly and Ash feeling the way you do…”
“I’m the one alone with you though,” he said.
He moved toward me and I put my hand to his chest.
Just what I needed to feel - more muscle.
“I texted you first,” I said.
“Because you know what you want.”
“What I wanted was to ask you about your baseball career.”
Hil stepped back. “Oh yeah?”
“And you and Uly… your music. I heard it.”
Now that made Hil angry.
He grabbed the bag of food out of my hand.
He dumped it all into the water and then dropped the bag too.
“They can be killed from that!” I yelled.
“So what?”
I crouched down and reached into the water to get the bag.
I left it on the ground, which was better than in the water.
“So you turn into a big baby now?” I asked.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I talked to Ryan.”
“He can’t talk right now.”
“He could still write.”
“Only until I break his hands,” Hil said.
“Too late, Hil. I know about you. You were the best baseball player in the state. And you were
sort of famous with Uly in a band.”
“That’s what you came here for? To ask these questions?”
“I’m deciding what I want to do next.”
“Is that right?”
“Yeah,” I said. “I don’t have to be here, Hil. Not here. Not at BFH. I can leave right now and
never come back.”
“So you want me to convince you?” He laughed. “I can convince you in a minute flat, beauty. But
not with the story of my past. I’d rather keep it present… with my tongue…”
“Nice try,” I said.
“So then let’s make this fair. A story for a kiss.”
“Oh yeah? You’re playing that game with me again?”
“It worked before. You got jealous, remember? I kicked that girl out of the room and came to see
you.”
My face was flushed but I was going to hold my ground.
“Fine. A story for a kiss.”
“Fine,” Hil said. “I played baseball. Yeah. I was the best player in the state. Yeah. Now come
here…”
His hands slid to my lower back and he pulled me toward him.
I moved to my toes and my lips were an inch from his.
 “I want more,” I said.
“Me too, Belle.”
“Story… I want more of the story…”
“Ah, right,” Hil said. “Fine. I got hurt. Okay? Fucked up my shoulder and stuff. Couldn’t play the
way I wanted to. So instead of holding on to something that wasn’t going to work, I walked away. It
wasn’t easy to do but I had to do it.”
“That was it?”
“That was it,” Hil said. “Now… where were we…”
He brushed his lips to mine.
My knees started to shake.
He moved his lips against mine, back and forth… two times… three times…
I finally couldn’t help myself as I kissed him.
Which was what he wanted me to do.
He wanted me to kiss him first.
My cheeks burned as hot as other parts, but I didn’t care.
I craved him kissing me.
And he did.
He kissed me back.
Taking full control. And if the way his mouth and tongue knew how to pull me into temptation,
then his hands… they moved with stealth like speed. Knowing where to touch and how to touch…
From my cheeks down to my neck. Down to my chest. His fingertips grazing over my hoodie and
going down. Those same fingertips cutting under my hoodie, for a split second touching my stomach,
making me flutter, then hooking around the front of my jeans.
I broke the kiss and looked down to make sure this was real.
It was all real.
“That’s more than a kiss,” I whispered. “You better have one hell of a story, Hil…”
I forced myself to look into his eyes.
His wild, gray eyes.
“Why does it matter so much, beauty? So I played baseball and then quit. So I jammed out a little
and then quit. All that matters is right now. My eyes on you. My hands on you. The taste of that not so
innocent tongue lingering in my mouth.”
I needed to get away from Hil.
Or else I was going to end up in a lot of trouble.
I stepped back but not far.
“Nothing makes sense at all,” I said. “Why are you the way you are? Why are you so worried
about me? Why you had to get involved with the Ryan situation? None of it is your business.”
“That’s true,” Hil said. “Unless, of course, you want to be taken care of the right way. Uly wanted
a war… and just as it’s about to begin here comes this beautiful girl, walking right across the
battlefield, without a fucking idea of what’s happening. Maybe I’m soft, Belle.” Hil looked at his
hand. His knuckles were scarred over from hitting Ryan. “Maybe I should have done more to Ryan’s
jaw. Or face. Maybe…”
“No more,” I said. “I can’t take anymore.”
“Told you this was going to happen, Hil.”
My back stiffened and I slowly turned.
Ash was walking toward me.
 ***

“Get the hell out of here, Ash,” Hil said.

“Not going to happen,” Ash said. “My house too… brother.”
“I’m the one leaving,” I said. “I’ve seen enough and heard enough. Whatever game you three want
to play, find someone else. Figure out your own shit.”
Before I could take three steps, Hil was right behind me.
And Ash was right in front of me.
Sandwiched between Them.
Well, most of Them.
Ash was gorgeous as always. Still the same clean cut guy with that vicious, amber eyed stare. The
smell of his cologne so intoxicating and smooth yet rough and addicting. I felt my nose twitching,
almost like my sense of smell wanted to try and convince my sense of taste…
Then there was the smell of Hil colliding with Ash’s smell.
I had never cared about the smell of guys before.
Sure, there were some colognes or body sprays that were nice. Or whatever soap, shampoo, and
laundry soap they used… right? But this…
Ohmygod, Belle, you’re getting all worked up over smells.
“Where are you running to?” Hil whispered.
“Home,” I said as I stared at Ash.
“He’s got you worried, angel,” Ash said.
“I’m not worried about anything,” I said.
“She’s lying,” Hil said. “She’s asking a lot of questions. Worried about the old band. Worried
about me playing baseball.”
“Oh, that’s easy,” Ash said. “You fucked up your shoulder, Hil. Everyone knows that.”
I shook my head. “That’s bullshit. There’s more to it.”
“Just like you,” Ash said. “There’s so much more to you. The world is much smaller than you
think.”
“So what do you know about me, Ash?” I asked.
“Yeah, Ash, what do you know?” Hil asked.
Ash moved his eyes to his stepbrother. “Walk away, Hil. It’s not going to work the way you think.
You know what you’re better off with.”
“And you think you can keep Belle happy?” Hil asked. “Protected? When the Rulz decide to push
back at us because of Uly… then what?”
“Belle will be fine with me,” Ash said. “We already know that. Right, angel?”
Ash touched my hand. His left hand to my right hand. Fingers interlocking tight.
I sucked in a breath.
I had no idea what to say.
“But she knows when it comes to vicious things… I’m the one,” Hil said. “Right, beauty?”
Hil’s left hand touched my left hand. His big, strong hand engulfing my hand.
I had never been in a position like this before. Two insanely hot guys who just so happened to be
stepbrothers, both saying they wanted me. Holding hands with them at the same time. My face burning
hot as I thought about when I kissed both.
 And then the lingering thoughts of Uly…
“She’s seen what I did to Ryan,” Hil said. “That’s just the tip of what I’m capable of.”
“Your words are so smooth, Hil,” Ash said.
“And everything else is so rough,” Hil whispered and then he kissed the top of my head.
I saw Ash’s lip curl.
I guess you don’t like to share either, huh?
I sucked in another breath.
What the hell was I thinking? Sharing? I didn’t even know what that meant.
“I already said I’m leaving,” I said. “I’m leaving BFH. I don’t belong here. You two can find
someone else. And so can Uly. And everything goes back to normal.”
“That can never happen, angel,” Ash said.
I ripped my hands from both Ash and Hil.
I moved to the side, leaving the stepbrothers to face each other.
I put up both middle fingers. “Take your mystery and secrets and fuck yourselves with them.
How’s that sound?”
“Says the one asking all the questions,” Hil said.
“I thought I could figure this out, but I was wrong,” I said.
Ash just stared at me.
Those fucking arms of his… the way his t-shirt hugged them so tight. The ink. The colors. And Hil
hinting that the koi pond and Ash’s tattoos were connected…
I suddenly felt like my mother.
Desperate to be near Them… but why? So I could ignore my own life? My own problems? Like I
wanted to find flaws in these perfect, sexy rich guys so I could point at them and yell HA! just to
prove we weren’t all that different.
I walked away and then started to run.
I was surprised they didn’t follow me.
I fully expected one or both to grab me and convince me to stay.
But they let me go.
Of course I felt disappointed and of course I hated myself for it. I reminded myself of what Jo said
to do. Take five minutes and…
A hand grabbed my shoulder. “You need to help me because they won’t.”
I turned, thinking it was Uly.
It had to be Uly, right?
It wasn’t Uly… or Hil… or Ash…

***

I screamed.
It was the only choice.
Some guy had his hand on my shoulder.
He was taller than me with really short hair, a weird hairline, and his face looked like he was
saggy, wanting to get away from the rest of his body or something.
I knocked his hand off my shoulder and stumbled back toward my car.
 I was so close but… not really.
The guy’s clothes were oversized and dirty.
He walked funny too. Almost like a cliché zombie in a scary movie that wasn’t scary at all.
Except this was scary. This was really scary.
“Hil!” I screamed. “Ash! Help!”
“No, no, no, they won’t do that,” the guy said. “But you can help me. Come here…”
His hands reached for me.
His fingers were dirty, half of them crooked.
When he smiled, his teeth had the same appeal as his fingers.
My only choice was to fight back.
I had dealt with creepy guys before in my life.
I just never expected this here.
I stopped trying to get away and planted my feet to the ground.
I told my brain to tell my right foot to kick. As hard as I possibly could. If I hit the right spot that
would give me enough time to get into my car and get the hell out of there.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Hil’s voice yelled.
A sense of relief went through me and I had no energy to kick the strange guy in the balls.
Hil ran toward the guy as Ash ran toward me.
I reached for him and his hands slid around the side of my body as I collapsed into him.
“You’re okay, angel,” Ash said.
His left hand was at my back and his right hand was very close to my chest. But he wasn’t doing
that on purpose.
Ash turned and blocked me from view.
“Are you fucking stupid?” Hil yelled. “Stumbling up here like this? You piece of shit.”
I heard the sounds of Hil hitting the guy.
Each hit made my stomach feel sick.
“Get him out of here, Hil,” Ash ordered. “Now. Handle it somewhere else. Put him in the street
and call someone. Belle is scared shitless.”
I’m not scared…
I moved my head away from Ash’s chest and watched as Hil had the guy by the collar of his shirt,
dragging him. Like literally dragging him along the ground.
“Don’t watch it,” Ash said. “Look at me.”
I looked at Ash.
His hands touched my waist.
He picked me up with ease and walked me to my car.
He sat me on the hood of the car and put his hands flat to the car and was just a few inches away.
“What was that?” I asked.
“A bum,” Ash said. “Loser. Happens once in a while. Probably because there are so many houses
here. I know they try to keep the lights on for each one to make it look like there’s someone there. Our
fault for having the gate open.”
“Because of me.”
“Nothing we can’t handle, angel,” Ash said. “Don’t worry about it.”
“That guy grabbed me, Ash. You’re all too rich for that kind of thing.”
Ash laughed. “Really? So money does… what? Keeps you from sadness? Tragedy? Hurt? Pain?
What?”
 I shook my head. “Sorry. I just…”
“A guy like that is looking for a few bucks,” Ash said. “Probably smart to do it around here. Since
we all have a few bucks. Except now he’s going to get his ass kicked by Hil and then picked up and
taken away. Oh well. Not your problem.”
“Well, what is my problem then, Ash?”
“This feeling that you want to leave,” he said. “You can’t leave.”
“That’s my decision to make,” I said. “See? I think I own you now, Ash. I own Them.”
“Is that why you want to know so much about us?”
“I already know enough,” I said. “I know why you and Hil are stepbrothers. And I’m sorry
about… you know.”
“What?” Ash asked, challenging me.
“Your mother. That must have been hard.”
Ash grinned but not a happy grin. He lowered his head and turned it a little.
I saw his hairline.
The way it looked…
“Yeah, that’s right,” he said. “Keep staring at it. Keep reminding me about it.”
“What are you talking about?”
Ash lifted his head.
Kiss me, Ash… please just kiss me…
I felt my right hand twitching, wanting to wipe away Hil’s kiss to make room for Ash’s kiss.
But Ash didn’t kiss me.
“I know almost everything, angel,” Ash whispered. “What he did to you. That one letter on your
locker and everything it did.”
I swallowed hard. “How…”
“You don’t want to go back there. Or if you do, you want us with you. Or just me. I can take care
of Gray for you, angel. Or I can just simply make you forget.”
Ash leaned in and skipped my lips.
He went for my neck.
My lips made an O shape but I had no breath.
His lips sliding against my skin as I shut my eyes.
I felt myself starting to fall back even more against the car. Like I wanted Ash to… have me… on
the hood of the car.
Ash moved his lips to my ear.
“Don’t compare me to any of Them,” he whispered. “What my father and Hil’s mother decided
was their own thing. I never forget who I am or where I came from though.”
“Which is…?”
“The SUV was hit by a drunk driver,” Ash whispered. “Came into our lane and my mother cut the
wheel. But even that didn’t matter. We were hit head on and then we skidded to the edge of an
embankment. All I remember was being thrown around really hard. And my head hurting really bad.
My mother fought to get out of her seat and get to me. She grabbed a blanket from the back and told
me to hold it to my head. The entire time I felt the SUV rocking forward and back. Forward and back.
She told me to get out that she was going to get her keys. I was young enough to believe that lie. She
knew only one of us could get out of the SUV safely. She chose me. And when I got out of the SUV…
it fell down the embankment.”
Ash stopped talking.
 I stared forward into the night.
When I blinked, it was to chase away the thought of tears.
“Fuck,” I managed to whisper.
“Fuck,” Ash said.
Ash moved away from the car and I slid off the hood and stood up.
He put a finger to his lips and nodded.
My mouth was dry.
My heart pounding.
“You can leave BFH, angel,” Ash said, “but I don’t think I could leave you. This is just getting
started. And I’ll do anything to keep you close. You want to see the truth? It’s coming soon enough.”
“Ash…”
“I have to go find Hil and make sure he didn’t beat that guy to death.”
As Ash walked away, I got into my car.
I drove slowly as I left the property but I didn’t see anything.
No sign of Ash.
No sign of Hil.
No sign of that guy either.
It was quiet all around me on the drive back to Jo’s.
But far from quiet in my head.
Pieces of the story floating around.
The connection between Uly and Hil. The guitar picks. The rings without diamonds in them. The
music. Ash somehow tied into it… that line on his head… the scar from the accident that took his
mother’s life… and that he knew about Gray…
And all three of Them had their eyes set on me.
When I got back to Jo’s, I didn’t see her, not that I was looking for her.
I ran to my room and got under the covers like I was little again, afraid of a thunderstorm.
And I refused to leave.
But there was one problem.
When I was kid, thunderstorms would always pass.
But now?
This storm… there was no getting out of it.
nineteen

I woke up in a sweaty panic, forgetting I was under the covers.

I looked at my phone and realized I was already late for the morning.
So I decided to just not go.
I sent a text to Jo’s cell (not the emergency one) that I wasn’t feeling good and I was skipping my
day at BFH.
Of course she didn’t respond.
I crashed back down and pulled the covers over my head again.
I sent a text to Lizzy.
Not going today. Sorry
I rolled to my side and had just shut my eyes when my phone started to ring.
It was Lizzy calling me.
“Hey,” I said.
“Did you leave?” she yelled.
“What? No. Why?”
“If you seriously leave you better say goodbye to me.”
“To us,” Danica yelled.
“I didn’t leave. I’m in bed.”
“She’s in bed,” Lizzy said.
“Alone?” Danica asked.
“Alone?” Lizzy asked.
“I’m alone,” I said. “Really?”
“Hey, you’ve been messing with Them,” Lizzy said. “It’s only a matter of time before it happens.”
I bit my lip. “I don’t know about that.”
“Put her on speaker,” Danica said.
“Hey, Danica,” I said.
“Hey, bitch,” she yelled. “What’s wrong?”
“Just tired. That’s all. A lot going on at once.”
“That’s what happens when you juggle three douchebag assholes,” Danica said.
“Thanks for that,” I said.
“But at least they’re all hot,” Lizzy said.
“Yeah, that makes it all okay,” Danica said.
“I’m going to chill today. Figure some stuff out.”
“Are you really thinking about leaving?” Lizzy asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “This was basically a favor, you know? I don’t want to be in the way. And the
more I ask questions about Them, the more answers I get…”
“Isn’t that what you wanted?” Danica asked.
“It sounds messed up, I know,” I said. “But it’s just… the more I find out…”
“Makes you want to run?” Lizzy asked.
“No,” Danica said. “It’s making her bedsheets wet.”
 “What?” Lizzy asked.
“Yeah,” Danica said. “Belle’s got a great heart. And the closer she gets the more she’s going to
fall.”
“You know I’m still on this call, right?” I asked.
“Oh shit,” Danica said. “I forgot… talk to you later, bitch.”
“Wait, wait, wait,” Lizzy said.
“What?” I asked.
“Don’t leave.”
“That’s it?”
“What?” Lizzy asked. “I’m telling you… just don’t leave. But if you do… please tell us. So we
can see you.”
“Okay. That I’ll do. Goodbye.”
Before hanging up, Danica said to Lizzy, “Don’t leave? That’s the best you can do to convince
her to stay? You’re acting like when you see a hot guy and don’t know what to say…”
“I know what to say! Shut up, Danica!”
I ended the call and laughed.
Then I shut my eyes again.
I pictured that creepy guy reaching for me.
Hil coming to get him.
Ash rushing to save me.
I pictured Ash in a SUV…
“No,” I groaned.
I quickly threw the covers off my body and forced myself out of bed.
I was in the same clothes as the night before.
I wanted coffee. But the walk…
Oh wow, Belle. The walk? Really? You’re that lazy now?
I heard a soft knock on the door to the bedroom.
“Who is it?” I called out.
“It’s Brie… I work for Dr. Thornburn… I told you about the clothes…”
I opened the door. “Hey. Right.”
She had a tray balanced in her right hand. “Jo called me. Said you weren’t feeling well?”
“Oh. Right. I’m… yeah…”
“Figured I’d save you the trip,” Brie said.
“Wow. Thanks for that.”
Brie nodded and winked.
Like we had some kind of girl code or something.
I wasn’t going to complain.
I felt lazy and I curled up on the daybed and stared at the ocean and sipped coffee.
It was actually kind of perfect.
I smoked a cigarette and then got my notebook and started to write.

so it was just that one night

the one night
the forever kind of feeling night
 but nothing ever came to be real
like the way you leave the air fighting
to hold you close
the smell that turns my heart upside down
your voice changes the months
you make up your own years
because you are the time
the time for a decision

I rolled my eyes and flipped the page.

Your eyes, they show me
Your mouth, your kiss, it leaves me
I just want it all

You say bad, it’s good

Your hands, they love, they destroy
I can’t look away

I shut the notebook and put my head against the window.

My eyes grew heavy again, even after drinking coffee and smoking a cigarette.
That’s when my phone rang again.
This time it was my mother calling.
“Mom?”
“Belle?” she asked, surprised.
“You called me…?”
“Why did you answer?”
“I’m taking the day off.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah. Just tired. Need a break for a second here.”
“Oh. Okay.”
There was silence.
“Why did you call me? Are you okay?”
“I’m great,” she said. “I’m…”
“Hey, baby girl, are we leaving soon or what?”
My heart sank. She was with that guy. The one from the picture on Jo’s phone.
“I wanted to call and leave you a voicemail. Quick. Just to let you know I’m heading out of town
for a night or two. But I still want you to come here. I made arrangements with Maryanne. She runs the
apartment complex. She has a key for you. You get the place to yourself! That’s fun, right?”
“Where are you going, Mom?”
 “Just away. With… a…” Mom laughed. Then she whispered, “I kind of met someone, Belle. And
I like him.”
“Already?” I asked.
I shut my eyes.
Oh, Belle…
“Already?” Mom asked. “And who are you? I called… you know what? Get your ass home,
Belle. Jo was supposed to help. But you’re already skipping. Look at this.”
“Mom… I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“I’m sure you don’t,” she said. “Goodbye, Belle. I’m sorry I called. You can’t show one ounce of
happiness?”
“What’s wrong, Michelle? Who’s that on the phone?”
“I’m… Mom…”
“I’ll see you later then,” she said. “Just ask for Maryanne. She’ll make sure you get the key.”
The call ended.
I lowered my head.
I knew better than to say something like that to my mother.
But it just… it was the same thing. Over and over.
I threw my phone across the room to the bed.
I put my head to the window and stared out to the ocean.
Being alone was nice.
But crying alone fucking sucked.

***

I literally spent my entire day in my room. And anything I wanted was brought to me. I fell right into
the rich girl trap and didn’t care for a second. Because I had no idea what was next. What to do.
Where to go.
Just after dark, I went downstairs and found Jo sitting at the kitchen counter, much like she had
done the night she came from the hospital after losing someone.
My heart jumped into my throat and I rushed to her side.
She looked at me.
“Are you okay?” I asked her.
“Martini,” she said to me. “I don’t drink them for bad news.”
“Okay… so you’re okay…”
“Are you?” she asked. Then she waved her right hand. “Don’t answer that. I don’t want to know.
Or get involved. You weren’t where you were supposed to be today. I appreciate the text. And you
talked to your mother. That part I am sorry about. I didn’t realize what she was up to.”
“I did,” I said. “I can call this day by day right now, Jo. I’m not sure what you plan to do about it.”
“Me? Do what? Break her up with the new guy?” Jo laughed. “Sure, Belle, let me just cancel my
surgery for tomorrow to worry about your mother.”
I swallowed hard. “You know what, Jo? Fuck this place. It’s not real. This is all fake and made up
shit. As long as you have money you can keep it that way.”
“So that’s how you feel?” Jo asked. “You can leave at any time, Belle. Your mother has a place
for you, remember?”
“And you’re supposed to be her friend.”
Jo stood up. “I am her friend. I can’t live her life for her. Neither can you. But I’m there when she
needs me. Of course this is going to blow up in her face. She knows it too. She doesn’t know how to
help herself.”
“Then help me instead. Just me. Not her.”
“How so?”
My chin quivered. “Help me leave. So I can start over on my own.”
“Ah, right… give you money. Throw some cash at you, huh?”
“Not like that, Jo. You know enough about me, right? I’m not that kind of person. I’m not going to
go fuck up my life.”
“But you’re not going to learn anything by having it all given to you either.”
“What’s the difference about what you’re doing now?”
Jo smiled. “Maybe you have a career in law.”
“Then I’ll go to law school.”
“You don’t want to go back there, do you? To your mother? But you don’t know how to face it and
say it.”
“I don’t know what’s real anymore,” I said. “Between you, this place, BFH, my mother…”
“Find something normal then,” Jo said. “Tell you what. I’m going to give you an address to go
check out. Park the car and go for a walk. Trust me on it. It’s a normal looking street. Not far from
here. Go take a walk and clear your head. Ask yourself, Belle, what you really want. Me writing you
a check won’t matter. Trust me.”
I needed to get out of the house.
So I didn’t argue.
I had my phone and my cigarettes.
And as I sat behind the wheel of the car, Jo sent a text that came through on the screen on the
dashboard. The car automatically programmed the address into the GPS and I started to drive.
Focusing on the road for the drive kept my mind off everything else.
I parked where the car told me to park.
And Jo was right.
It was a normal looking street.
Houses that were big but not mansions. They were close enough to each other that the people
were considered neighbors. Front yards. Some with fences. Some without.
I walked the sidewalk and picked out everything I could about each house. Telling myself it was
good to observe. It would help my writing.
My writing.
That took me back to BFH. Because of Miss Whitaker. She wanted to help me. But she was tied to
Uly. And Uly was tied to Hil and Ash. And they were Them. And they were supposed to fight or
something with the Rulz.
It was all touching and the only way to get away was to escape.
Just answer it quick, Belle. No thinking. Tell the truth. Do you want to leave BFH?
I opened my mouth to answer the night when I heard the roar of an engine.
A second later came the screaming cry of tires.
I froze in place and watched as a large SUV spun around, the headlights shining right at me.
The doors opened.
 A voice called me pretty Belle…
Another voice warned me of the Rulz…
I caught my breath in my throat and realized what this was.
It was the Rulz.
East vs. West.
I was stuck in the headlights, sort of hearing what they were saying. My right hand held my phone
tight. I needed an opening to call for help.
The headlights dimmed after they got back into the SUV.
Then it began to creep forward, nice and slow.
One of the windows rolled down and someone blew me a kiss.
It all happened so fast.
Me just standing there on that quiet street… the place that was supposed to be peaceful and give
me a chance to figure out what I wanted to do.
My hand shook with fear as I tried to text Uly.
I couldn’t type a normal message.
Somehow the word HELP was changed to JELLY.
Uly replied with a question mark.
So I called him.
“Hey, doll,” he said. “If you’re jelly, then am I the peanut butter?”
“Uly…”
“Oh, fuck,” he said, hearing my tone. “Belle. Are you okay?”
“No.”
twenty

I sat in the car and rocked back and forth for a few minutes as I waited. Uly told me not to move an
inch. I gave him the address that Jo sent to me and he said he was on his way.
I didn’t feel safe at all.
My eyes scanned left to right so much and so fast I felt dizzy.
What if the Rulz came back? How did they know about me? How did they know my name? What
did I have to do with this BFH fight thing? Huh? East vs. West meant nothing to me and now I was
going to get stuck in it?
Headlights shined behind me and I dropped down in my seat.
I made sure I was hidden.
The headlights were gone but I didn’t trust it.
So I waited.
I felt like I was in a scary movie, waiting for the killer to smash through the windshield and kill
me.
There was a knock on the driver’s window and I screamed.
When I looked, I saw Uly.
I hurried to open the door and I jumped out after him.
I was in his arms and he held me tight.
“Oh, fuck, doll… I’m so happy you’re okay.”
“I’m not okay, Uly,” I whispered.
I pushed away from him and he grabbed my hand. “I know, Belle. You’re far from okay. And
you’re far from home too. Let me fix that. Before-”
I heard the rumble of a motorcycle engine.
I turned my head and saw the motorcycle and then I looked at Uly again.
“What is this?”
“I guess we’re not alone anymore, huh?” he asked.
Uly lit up a cigarette as I watched Hil park his motorcycle behind Uly’s car.
He threw his helmet and glasses to the seat and jogged toward me.
His hands slid against my cheeks and I stumbled back but he kept me from falling.
His eyes were big and angry.
“What are you doing here?” I asked him.
“Can’t let anything bad happen to you, beauty,” Hil said. “Especially this shit.”
Hil turned his head and looked at Uly.
“What?” Uly growled.
“You know what,” Hil said. He let me go and went after Uly. “This is on you.”
Uly put his cigarette between his lips and put up his fists.
“Are you serious?” I yelled. “You two are going to fight? I’m leaving. For real this time.”
“No!” they both yelled at the same time.
“Why not?” I asked.
Hil ran a hand through his hair. “Because we’re not all together yet.”
 ***

Before I could ask what that meant, I saw another set of headlights. These ones were higher in the
air, telling me it was a truck. That’s when I gasped, realizing it was Ash. He parked behind Hil’s
motorcycle and jumped out of his truck. He walked toward me with force. Like a man about to attack.
His face was like steel. His eyes not breaking away from mine.
“Ash,” I said.
He opened his arms at the last second and crashed into me.
He came at me so hard I lost my breath for a second. I threw my arms around him and he picked
me up.
He squeezed me but not too tight.
“They won’t ever hurt you, angel,” he said. “I swear on my life.”
“Ash, let’s talk,” Hil called out.
“I love talking,” Uly said.
Ash looked back at Uly.
He walked me to Them.
And I stood there, in the middle of Them.
Then they broke apart.
Hil and Ash stood almost shoulder to shoulder.
Uly hung back near his car, still smoking.
“It was the Rulz?” Ash asked.
“That’s what they said,” I said. “I couldn’t see them really. They called me pretty Belle. Said to
remember the Rulz. A couple other things but I was just… the SUV came up and turned and was
pointed at me. I thought they were going to run me over. I was… shocked…”
“Those fucks,” Hil said.
“Then they went by slow,” I said. “Someone blew me a kiss. Backseat…”
“Kip,” Uly called out. “That’s his thing.”
“I’m going to cut his lips off,” Hil said. “Make him eat them.”
“You’ll have to peel them off Tinsley’s ass first,” Ash said.
“Kip has himself something,” Uly said. “He’s in love. They all are.” Uly flicked his cigarette
away. “They want to do this, we can do this. I’ve got names and places if you want them.”
“This is insane,” I said. “This is your fight. This isn’t mine. This is why I have to go. Look at
what’s happened already. I thought I was getting to know you but I’m only finding out mysteries. And
you want to all fight others and each other over me? No… no way…”
I backed up toward my car.
I opened the door and kept shaking my head.
“You can’t leave us,” Ash said. “We know everything, angel. And why do you think we’re all here
right now?”
“How…?” I asked. “Is anyone going to tell me how?”
“You texted me, doll,” Uly said. “And I was with Hil and Ash.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
Uly moved toward me. He was a foot away. “Meaning I was with them. Standing with them.
Actually, we were all sitting. I told Them to give me the lead. Give me a minute to see you first. But
they didn’t listen.”
“Can’t fucking listen to that,” Hil said as he moved toward me next. “I told you, Belle, I don’t
share. The thought of this scumbag, Uly, showing up before me and getting to touch you…”
I swallowed hard. “What is happening right now?”
I looked at Ash.
Hil and Uly looked back at Ash too.
He stood like he always did.
So tall, his face so beautiful… the ink on arms reflecting from the street lights.
“There is no choice to make now,” Ash said. “There is no all or nothing. There’s only reality,
angel.”
“And what is reality?”
Ash slowly walked toward me.
I was now boxed in by Them.
“This is reality,” Ash said.
He made a fist with his right hand and held it at shoulder level.
Hil then did the same and put it to Ash’s fist.
I slowly looked toward Uly.
He shook his head.
“Uly?” I asked.
“Doll,” he whispered.
He stuck out his left fist, hitting both Ash and Hil’s fists. He curled his lip, pissed off that he did
so.
“You’re staying, Belle,” Ash said. “There’s no running. There’s no hiding.”
“And I’ll swallow it down, beauty,” Hil whispered. He leaned toward me. “I’ll share you for a
little bit. But that’s it. Okay? A little bit. Just stay.”
Heat and chills surged through my entire body.
“So that’s it, doll,” Uly said. “You want answers? They’re right here. We’ll call it a trade. We’ll
give you us… in exchange… for you.”
“All of you, Belle,” Hil said.
My eyes moved to Ash.
“You get us,” he said. “Nothing hidden.”
“And I just have to stay,” I said. “And stay close to you. Stay close to Them. The ones I was told
to stay away from. To run away from. The ones I was told to just leave for good from…”
“Yeah,” Ash said.
“Fuck yeah,” Hil said.
“Fucking hell yeah,” Uly said.
My eyes scanned right to left… from the amber eyes to the icy gray eyes to the dark brown eyes.
What was I doing there?
All I needed to do was sit down in the car and drive away.
Their fists were all still touching.
Waiting for me to say something.
Instead, I slowly sat down.
I looked at my feet.
Swing them around. Step on the pedal… GO.
Instead, I reached back.
And then I stood back up.
I put my hand to Hil’s chest and shoved him back.
“I need a cigarette,” I whispered.
“Let me get you a light, doll,” Uly said.
A second later there was a spark and a small flame flickered from Hil’s lighter.
He looked at Uly and grinned.
Uly’s lip curled high into the air.
I walked by Hil right into the middle of the quiet street.
I turned and Ash was right behind me.
I blew smoke into his face and he didn’t flinch.
“There is no choice, angel,” he said.
I took another drag of the cigarette and then dropped it at his feet.
A waste of a cigarette, but I had a point to make.
The cigarette burned.
I laughed out loud.
I had done something crazy.
I brought Them back together.
And I wasn’t sure what that meant.
And I knew I was going to find out what that meant.
But now it was simple.
They were Them.
And now they were mine.
Want more #bfh?
BAY FALLS HIGH continues with NOT SO Beautiful and it’s AVAILABLE … just go to Amazon.com
and type in ‘Jaxson Kidman Bay Falls High NOT SO Beautiful’ to order your copy today!

But… here’s a little preview of the book before you order!

***
NOT SO Beautiful
one

“This is fucking insane,” Taylor said as she walked into the water. “You’re sure this is okay?”
“Go swim,” I said. “I’ll give you some clothes. I told you to bring a bathing suit.”
“I forgot the bottoms,” she said. “Sorry. At least I’m wearing my top. In case you don’t remember,
life is a little crazy back where you used to be from.”
I squinted my eyes.
Fucking bitch.
She peeled her shirt up over her head and tossed it aside.
Her boobs filled her bright green bathing suit top… and then some. She had zero confidence in
herself except for her chest. So I couldn’t hate her too much for wearing a size too small, just for
effect.
I stepped toward Taylor and towered over her as she stood on the third step down into the pool.
“I heard about your taco baby,” I said.
“So funny,” she said.
“Maybe if you closed your legs once in a while you could catch your breath and figure things out.”
“What’s the fun in that?” Taylor asked. “Like you haven’t been fooling around with all these rich
guys, right?”
“I’m good.”
“I’m sure you are,” she said. “Get them to take you to the fanciest places. Buy expensive gifts.
Drive them crazy to get some of that trailer park ass…”
We both snorted and laughed.
“That’s horrible to say,” Grace said.
“But she’s right,” I said. “They love it. I’m like a… thing… you know? I’m so different.”
“Wait a second,” Sarah said. “So Taylor is right? You’ve been…”
I shrugged my shoulders.
“Fake, rich slut,” Taylor said.
She walked into the water and Sarah grabbed my wrist. “Hey. Talk to me. You didn’t mention
about guys.”
“There are no guys,” I said to Sarah. “You know me. I’m not that…”
I felt my mouth wanting to stop talking. Stop lying.
 I wasn’t even sure if I was lying or not.
I hadn’t done anything with Them.
Other than kissing.
But really was kissing three guys that big of a deal?
They all knew about each other. So it wasn’t like I was sneaking around.
Plus, the whole East vs. West thing seemed to be serious enough that Uly and Hil and Ash said
they were going to find a way to exist near each other. For my sake. Just as long as I gave to them
what they gave to me.
And even that… those lines were drawn in the sand but not crossed yet.
Taylor swam toward the waterfall and cove.
Grace sat down at the edge of the pool and slowly dipped her feet into the water.
“Of course the water is perfect,” she said. “Belle, this place is fucking amazing.”
“I agree,” I said. “But it’s not all a dream here. Believe me.”
“Better than home, right?” Grace asked.
“I guess so.”
Sarah slipped her hand into mine and we walked toward the beach.
Far enough away from the pool but not quite on the sand.
“Okay, so what’s really going on here?” Sarah asked.
“Everything and nothing at once.”
“Meaning?”
“My mother wanted me to leave,” I said. “But… she got a new job and a new man. And when I
wouldn’t leave here, she got pissed at me. So now I feel all kinds of amazing guilt over that.”
“What does the doctor think?”
“Jo? She’s… she’s something else. She’s a cold bitch, Sarah. But in a loving way. I don’t know.”
“So why stay?” Sarah asked. “I mean, the house, the pool, the ocean, the comfort… but that’s not
you.”
“I have this writing class I love,” I said. “And the woman who runs it… she’s really into what I’m
doing. I might have a chance to do something with it.”
“Really? That’s exciting.”
“I just don’t know if I can handle seeing my mother do the same stuff,” I said. “I kind of wanted to
go somewhere myself and start over. But I need money to do that. Who would have thought, right? I’m
living in a mansion for free but have no money. And going back… I don’t know. Everything with
Gray…”
Sarah swallowed hard. “I know it doesn’t mean shit to you. Nor should it. But he feels like shit
over it.”
“He should.”
“He does.”
“Good.”
“You kind of… I don’t know, Belle. I blame your mother for it, but you kind of always wanted to
have an image, you know?”
“Oh?”
“Nothing bad,” Sarah said. “I never said anything, so maybe it’s my fault too. But you always
wanted to be above what your mother was. Which is awesome. I just never understood why you were
so worried about… it.”
“It… meaning what happened with Danny.”
 “Yeah. You loved him. He loved you. Everyone knows you two were together. So what? You kind
of painted yourself as this innocent and pure girl.”
“And now you decide to bring that up? Why does it matter now?”
“It doesn’t,” Sarah said. “I just hate the idea that… you know… that stupid red V on your
locker…”
“Stupid?”
“You know what I mean.”
“No, I don’t. What’s stupid about it?”
“I… the whole situation, Belle. That he did that. That you ended up leaving after that happened. I
know it was more about your mother. And Gray is such a dick.”
“Why? Is he asking about me?” I asked.
“Not really,” Sarah said. “Forget I said anything. Sorry. I just… I miss having you there every day.
But I get why you’re here. And I’m glad we didn’t forget about each other.”
“Yeah, me too,” I said.
There was something off about Sarah.
I opened my mouth to cross that line but then I heard someone sniffle.
Then someone clapped.
Sarah looked over my shoulder and her eyes went wide.
“Please tell me they’re going to start tongue fucking soon.”
I turned my head.
“Who the fuck is that?” Sarah whispered.
I answered with one word.
“Them.”

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#bfh… #hch… and now #bc
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A LETTER TO DELILAH
THE WRONG SIDE

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Other bestselling novels by Jaxson include:

5 Years Later
Somebody Else (& Nobody Else)
Dear Everly,
Imagine Us
Anna’s Dress
Let You Go
When I’m Gone
What You Don’t Know
Every Other Weekend

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 This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real locales are used fictitiously. Other names,
characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons,
living or dead, is entirely coincidental. (This also includes the cover image and/or cover model(s) appearing on the cover. The context of
this book does not in any way depict the personal life of said cover model(s). Image is licensed and used purely for fictional purpose
only.)

First electronic edition January 2020

Copyright © 2019 by Jaxson Kidman

All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part of any form.

Copyright image iStock/DepositPhotos

Copyright cover Cosmic Letters