Hong KongSociety

Should you get a prenup? More Hong

Kong couples opting in before
marriage to avoid divorce ‘war’ amid
high separation rate
  Lawyers say most clients are wealthy residents
seeking to protect their assets before marriage,
likening such moves to buying life insurance
 Couples need more preparation for marriage, but
few are drawn to available courses, counsellors say

Hong Kong family lawyer Jocelyn Tsao dropped all

romantic notions of marriage after witnessing hundreds of
divorcing couples quarrel bitterly over money, assets and access
to children.
“Getting married does not mean your partner will stay with
you forever. There is no guarantee,” said the 40-year-old who
has been practising law since 2009.
So before marrying an Italian architect two years ago, she
insisted that they signed a prenuptial agreement.
Both the same age and financially independent, they agreed
in general to divide jointly owned assets and keep their own if
they went their separate ways.
She said her husband was a good man and she could not
imagine him being disloyal, but she had dealt with many women
who divorced men they thought would never betray them.
 “I have to be prepared,” Tsao said. “A good prenuptial
agreement can narrow the space to be disputed and shorten the
divorce process.”
Tsao and her husband are among an increasing number of
couples opting for a prenuptial agreement amid a relatively high
divorce rate of about 2.5 per 1,000 population over the past
decade.
Most are well-off individuals or couples with at least one partner from
a wealthy background.
Family counsellors said having a prenuptial agreement was only one of
many ways to resolve potential conflicts when marriages broke down.
They said couples in Hong Kong needed to prepare better for marriage
by undergoing training to prepare for inevitable stresses and strains in the
relationship.
While divorce itself was no longer taboo, some were concerned that the
high divorce rate might spread “negative energy” in society and affect
children’s upbringing.
 ‘Like buying life insurance’
As head of the divorce and family team at law firm Withers, Tsao said
she dealt with at most five inquiries a year about prenuptial agreements
before the Covid-19 pandemic struck.
Since the pandemic, these inquiries have risen significantly, reaching as
high as five times a month. She said she believed the uncertainties wrought
by Covid-19 made people want to plan for the worst.
She described a good prenuptial agreement as one where both parties
disclosed their finances fully and signed the document at least 28 days
before marriage, with lawyers explaining and ensuring fair terms.
For the more vulnerable, such an agreement could prove liberating as
they would not have to remain in an unhappy marriage because of their
financial reliance on their spouse, she added.
Tsao said most of her clients were individuals from wealthy families
with assets of at least HK$100 million (US$12.8 million), but financially
independent couples also wanted to safeguard their own assets.
“If everyone signs a perfect prenuptial agreement, there is nothing to
fight about in divorce … If families and couples really want to preserve their
relationship and assets, it is better to get a prenuptial agreement,” she said.
 “The nature of a prenuptial agreement is the same as insurance. No one
wants a divorce, just like no one wants to die in a car crash, but it is a
provision against a possibility. Unfortunately, divorce is common now.”
A similar trend was also observed at law firm Haldanes. Elsie Liu, head
of its family law group, said her team had dealt with about 50 prenuptial
agreements in the past five years, a third of the total over the past two
decades.
The clients were either from well-off families, the nouveau riche or
those about to remarry, and about 90 per cent in recent years were local and
mainland Chinese couples.
Liu said parents from wealthy families were often the ones seeking
advice and encouraging their children to get prenuptial agreements that
would protect the family legacy.
In cases with a greater wealth gap between partners, the better-off
partner would choose an agreement specifying how much the other would
get in case of divorce, linked to the number of years of marriage.
Liu stressed that the agreement was only a reference for the courts,
which reserved the right to review whether the terms were reasonable to the
less well-off party.
The courts would decide on child custody, considering the child’s
welfare based on issues such as the financial and caretaking ability of the
parents.

Family lawyer Jocelyn Tsao insisted on signing a prenuptial agreement

before getting married two years ago. Photo: Elson Li
 ‘Divorce is like war, with many
conflicts’
Hong Kong has recorded a rise in divorce rates in recent decades, with
the average rate at about 2.7 per 1,000 people in the population between
2011 and 2020.
Over that period, the average rate was about 1.8 per 1,000 in Japan and
the United Kingdom, 2.2 in South Korea and about 3 in the United States.
There were 20,621 divorce applications filed to the Family Court last
year, up 25 per cent from 2022 and almost reaching the pre-pandemic level
of 22,074 in 2019.
The Family Court received an average of 22,338 divorce applications
per year between 2010 and 2019, with an annual average of 17,196 during
the pandemic.
Counsellors dealing with couples who broke up told the Post they were
more concerned about the pain of divorce and how this might be eased.
Emily Wong Kit-ming, supervisor of the Hong Kong Catholic
Marriage Advisory Council’s co-parenting support centre in Kowloon East,
which supports more than 200 divorced families, said couples endured
anxiety and anger throughout the process.
“Some need to take their case to court. There are many unknown
factors, such as money, procedures and custody of their child,” she said.
“It is like a war and involves many conflicts. They will look for
evidence to find fault with the other. It accumulates resentment that affects
both the adults and children.”
She said children worried about being abandoned by their parents, and
some developed trust issues when it came to relationships and marriage.
 Cecilia Chan Lai-wun, professor emeritus at the department of social
work and social administration of the University of Hong Kong (HKU), said
the hatred and impulse for revenge between divorcing partners could also
spread negative energy in society.
But she stressed that society should not treat divorce as a problem,
since it gave individuals the option to walk away from unhappy marriages.
“The focus should be on promoting mutual communication and
understanding in a marriage, lowering expectations and modifying their
pace. If they cannot hold onto that, they should have a cordial divorce and
not plant hatred in their children,” she said.
Chan said the source of conflict in marriages was often practical
concerns over matters such as housing, family finances and parenting duties,
whereas prenuptial agreements addressed part of the issue for wealthy
families.
Marriage problems also resulted from mismatched expectations,
difficulties with in-laws, partners who failed to be considerate or caring
enough, extramarital affairs and verbal or physical abuse.
 “Couples look for counsellors, psychiatrists and psychologists or
undergo marriage enrichment programmes only when they are in conflict,”
she said.
Marriage needed “a lot of training and education”, but Hong Kong did
not have a culture of nurturing marital relationships, she added.

Elsie Liu, head of the family law group at Haldanes, says her team has
dealt with about 50 prenuptial agreements in the past five years. Photo:
Jonathan Wong
Few go for pre-marriage courses
The Hong Kong Catholic Marriage Advisory Council promotes a
marriage preparation service to help couples discuss practical topics beyond
their romantic relationship.
“It is like preparing for a trip. You need to know what to bring, where
the photo spots and areas worth paying attention to are,” said executive
director Angela Chiu Chui Yuen-fun.
But she said marriage preparation had yet to catch on, with only about
400 couples of various religions enrolling in the programmes run by NGOs
over the past five financial years.
The latest official data showed 44,247 marriages in 2019 and an
average of 28,258 each year during the pandemic.
The Family Planning Association of Hong Kong, an NGO focusing on
sexual and reproductive health, has also seen a low response to its marriage
and sex counselling services for premarital and newly married couples.
 A manpower shortage also contributed to the organisation serving only
192 couples in 2018 and 2019, and another 112 couples during the
pandemic.
The government does not run marriage preparation services but offers
counselling and programmes for couples and families in 65 Integrated
Family Service Centres and two Integrated Services Centres.
The centres are operated by the Social Welfare Department and NGOs,
which receive government support to help individuals and families in need,
including the elderly and cases of attempted suicide and child abuse.
As of December, they had handled a total of 68,299 cases in the 2023-
24 financial year and processed an average of 80,515 cases annually
between 2019-20 and 2022-23.
Chiu, whose organisation runs a subsidised family centre in Kennedy
Town, said a lot of time was put into counselling work.
More than a third of the 752 active cases in 2022-23 involved parental
difficulties and marital problems, while the rest included mental health,
housing and employment issues.
The centre also had 60 support groups and 88 programmes, with about
two-fifths related to parenting, couple and family relationships.
Asked whether the government should allocate more resources to the
centres’ preventive initiatives, Chiu said raising public awareness was more
important.
HKU’s Chan said the government could consider setting up a primary
office for family health to step up preventive measures and nurture
marriages.
“The centres are too overwhelmed with cases to put out the fire. The
dimension of community education and family life is often neglected,” she
said.
She added that schools should teach pupils about communication and
respecting each other’s differences rather than focusing on academic results.
Pointing out that marriage issues were also intertwined with social
problems, she said the lack of affordable housing and long working hours
drained the energy of couples.
“We should strive to build a family-friendly environment,” Chan said.
 Angela Chiu Chui, executive director of the Hong Kong Catholic
Marriage Advisory Council, says marriage preparation services have yet to
catch on. Photo: Edmond So
Coming to grips with couplehood
With their wedding planned for next year, Henry Lee, 29, and Hilda
Yam, 26, felt the need to prepare for their new identities as husband and
wife.
As a middle-class couple without many assets, they said the question of
a prenuptial agreement had not arisen for them.
“We do not have much misalignment in our views on money,
migration, family planning and practical things,” said Lee, a technology
company account manager.
Yam, who works in a fintech company, said: “I think it is more on
aligning our expectations and discovering potential blockers we may face in
our marriage life from someone with experience.”
The couple benefited from counselling when conflict erupted soon after
they moved in together last month.
Yam was upset when her fiancé separated their household duties and
belongings in daily conversations as if she were his flatmate.
 Emily Wong, supervisor of the Hong Kong Catholic Marriage Advisory
Council’s co-parenting support centre in Kowloon East, says couples endure
anxiety and anger throughout the divorce process. Photo: Xiaomei Chen
A counselling session helped them work through those early issues
arising from living together.
Both worked at improving their communication, with Lee making an
effort to use “we” and “us” more than “you” and “me”, while Yam worked
on expressing her feelings and thoughts.
“We will explode if these small conflicts accumulate, so we need to
learn how to address them,” Lee said.
They realised that these were just the first few lessons in what they
hoped would be a lifelong journey.
“Marriage is about staying together even when there are difficult
moments,” Yam said.
你应该签署婚前协议吗？香港分居率

高 为避免离婚“战争”，更多情侣选

择婚前签署

 律师表示，大多数客户都是富裕的居民，他们希望在婚前保护

自己的资产，这种举动就像购买人寿保险一样

 咨询师称，夫妻需要为婚姻做更多准备，但很少有人对现有的

课程感兴趣

香港家庭律师曹卓琳在目睹数百对离婚夫妇因金钱、资产和孩

子抚养权等问题激烈争吵后，放弃了所有关于婚姻的浪漫想法。

“结婚并不意味着你的伴侣会永远和你在一起。没有什么保

证，”这位 40 岁、自 2009 年以来一直从事律师工作的律师说道。

 因此，在两年前与一位意大利建筑师结婚之前，她坚持要求两

人签署一份婚前协议。

他们年龄相同，经济独立，一般都同意分割共同财产，如果分

手的话，自己的财产就归自己所有。

她说她的丈夫是个好人，她无法想象他会不忠，但她遇到过很

多与她们认为不会背叛她们的男人离婚的女人。

“我必须做好准备，”曹说。“一份好的婚前协议可以缩小争

议的范围，缩短离婚过程。”

过去十年，香港离婚率一直较高，约为千分之 2.5，曹氏和她

丈夫是越来越多选择签订婚前协议的夫妇之一。

大多数都是富裕的个人或夫妇，其中至少有一人来自富裕家庭。

家庭顾问表示，签订婚前协议只是解决婚姻破裂时潜在冲突的

众多方法之一。

他们表示，香港的夫妻需要接受培训，为婚姻做好更好的准备 ，

以应对婚姻关系中不可避免的压力和紧张。

虽然离婚本身已不再是禁忌，但一些人担心高离婚率可能会在

社会上传播“负能量”并影响孩子的成长。
“就像购买人寿保险一样”
作为威瑟斯律师事务所离婚和家庭团队的负责人，曹女士表示 ，

在新冠疫情爆发之前，她每年最多处理五起有关婚前协议的问询。

自疫情爆发以来，此类咨询数量大幅增加，最高达到每月五次 。

她说，她认为新冠疫情带来的不确定性让人们想要做好最坏的打算。

她认为，一份好的婚前协议应该是双方充分披露自己的财务状

况，并在结婚前至少 28 天签署文件，并有律师进行解释并确保公

平条款。

她补充道，对于比较脆弱的人来说，这样的协议可以让他们获

得解放，因为他们不必因为经济上依赖配偶而维持不幸福的婚姻。
 曹女士说，她的客户大多来自富裕家庭，拥有至少 1 亿港元

（1,280 万美元）资产，但经济独立的夫妇也希望保护自己的资产。

她说：“如果每个人都签署了完美的婚前协议，离婚时就没有

什么可争的了……如果家庭和夫妻真的想维护他们的关系和资产，

最好签署一份婚前协议。”

“婚前协议的性质和保险是一样的。没有人想离婚，就像没有

人想死于车祸一样，但它是一种针对可能性的条款。不幸的是，离

婚现在很常见。”

律师事务所 Haldanes 也观察到了类似的趋势。该律师事务所

家庭法部门负责人 Elsie Liu 表示，她的团队在过去五年中处理了

大约 50 份婚前协议，占过去二十年总数的三分之一。

顾客有的来自富裕家庭，有的来自暴发户，有的即将再婚，近

年来约有 90%是本地夫妇和中国大陆夫妇。

刘先生说，富裕家庭的父母经常会向孩子寻求建议，鼓励他们

签订婚前协议，以保护家族遗产。

在夫妻双方财富差距较大的情况下，富裕的一方会选择一份协

议，明确离婚时另一方能获得多少财产，该协议与婚姻年限挂钩。

刘先生强调，该协议仅供法院参考，法院保留审查其中条款是

否对弱势一方合理的权利。

法院将根据父母的经济状况和照顾能力等问题，考虑孩子的福

利，决定孩子的监护权。
家庭律师曹乔琳两年前坚持在结婚前签署婚前协议。照片：Elson Li

“离婚就像战争，充满着许多冲突”
近几十年来，香港的离婚率不断上升，2011 年至 2020 年期间，

平均每千人离婚率约为 2.7。

在此期间，日本和英国的平均发病率约为每千人 1.8 人，韩国

为每千人 2.2 人，美国约为每千人 3 人。

去年，家庭法院共受理了 20,621 起离婚申请，比 2022 年增

加了 25%，几乎达到 2019 年疫情前的水平 22,074 起。

2010 年至 2019 年期间，家庭法院平均每年收到 22,338 起离

婚申请，疫情期间每年平均收到 17,196 起。

负责处理分手夫妻问题的咨询师告诉《华盛顿邮报》，他们更

关心离婚带来的痛苦以及如何缓解这种痛苦。
 香港公教婚姻辅导会位于九龙东的共同养育支援中心主管黄洁

明表示，夫妻在整个过程中都承受着焦虑和愤怒。该中心为 200 多

个离婚家庭提供支持。

“有些人需要将案件诉诸法庭。有许多未知因素，例如金钱、

程序和孩子的监护权，”她说。

“这就像一场战争，涉及很多冲突。他们会寻找证据来指责对

方。这会累积怨恨，影响成人和儿童。”

她说，孩子们担心被父母抛弃，有些孩子在恋爱和婚姻方面产

生了信任问题。
 香港大学社会工作及社会行政学系荣休教授陈丽媛表示，离婚

伴侣之间的仇恨和报复冲动也会在社会上传播负能量。

但她强调，社会不应将离婚视为问题，因为离婚让人们有了摆

脱不幸婚姻的选择。

“重点应放在促进婚姻中的相互沟通和理解，降低期望并调整

节奏。如果他们无法坚持下去，他们应该心平气和地离婚，而不是

在孩子心中种下仇恨，”她说。

陈女士表示，婚姻中的冲突往往源于住房、家庭财务和育儿责

任等实际问题，而婚前协议可以解决富裕家庭的部分问题。

婚姻问题还源于期望不匹配、与姻亲的关系不和、伴侣不够体

贴或关心、婚外情以及言语或身体虐待。

她说：“只有夫妻发生冲突时，他们才会寻求咨询师、精神病

医生和心理学家，或参加婚姻充实计划。”

她补充说，婚姻需要“大量的培训和教育”，但香港缺乏培育

婚姻关系的文化。
 霍尔丹斯律师事务所家庭法团队负责人 Elsie Liu 表示，她的团队在过去
五年中处理了大约 50 份婚前协议。照片：Jonathan Wong

很少有人参加婚前课程
香港公教婚姻辅导会推行婚前准备服务，帮助情侣讨论恋爱关

系以外的实际话题。

“这就像准备一次旅行。你需要知道要带什么，哪些地方是拍

照的地点，哪些地方值得关注，”执行董事赵翠媛芬说。

但她表示婚庆准备工作尚未流行，过去五个财年，只有大约

400 对不同宗教的夫妇参加了非政府组织开展的计划。

最新官方数据显示，2019 年全年结婚人数为 44,247 人，疫情期

间平均每年结婚人数为 28,258 人。

香港家庭计划指导会是一家专注于性与生殖健康的非政府组织 ，

其为婚前和新婚夫妇提供的婚姻和性咨询服务的响应度也很低。
 由于人力短缺，该组织在 2018 年和 2019 年仅为 192 对夫妇

提供服务，而在疫情期间又为 112 对夫妇提供服务。

政府不提供婚前准备服务，但在 65 个综合家庭服务中心和 2

个综合服务中心为夫妻和家庭提供咨询和计划。

这些中心由社会福利署和非政府组织运营，这些组织得到政府

的支持，帮助有需要的个人和家庭，包括老年人、自杀未遂者和虐

待儿童的案例。

截至 12 月，他们在 2023-24 财政年度共处理了 68,299 起案

件，在 2019-20 年至 2022-23 年间每年平均处理 80,515 起案件。

赵先生的组织在坚尼地城经营着一家补贴家庭中心，他表示自

己投入了大量时间进行咨询工作。

2022-23 年 752 起活跃案件中，超过三分之一涉及父母困难和

婚姻问题，其余案件涉及精神健康、住房和就业问题。

该中心还有 60 个支持小组和 88 个项目，其中约五分之二与

育儿、夫妻和家庭关系有关。

当被问及政府是否应该为中心预防举措分配更多资源时，赵先

生表示，提高公众意识更为重要。

香港大学的陈教授表示，政府可以考虑设立家庭健康初级办公

室，加强预防措施，促进婚姻。

“这些中心的病例太多，无法救火。社区教育和家庭生活层面

常常被忽视，”她说。
 她补充说，学校应该教导学生沟通和尊重彼此的差异，而不是

只关注学业成绩。

她指出，婚姻问题也与社会问题交织在一起，缺乏经济适用住

房和长时间工作耗尽了夫妻的精力。

陈冯富珍表示：“我们应该努力营造一个家庭友好的环境。”

香港天主教婚姻辅导会执行主任赵翠安表示，婚前辅导服务尚未普及

照片：Edmond So

学会处理夫妻关系
29 岁的亨利·李 (Henry Lee) 和 26 岁的希尔达·任 (Hilda

Yam) 计划明年举行婚礼，他们觉得有必要为夫妻的新身份做好准备。

他们表示，作为一对没有太多资产的中产阶级夫妇，他们从未

考虑过婚前协议的问题。
 “我们在金钱、移民、计划生育以及实际问题上的观点并没有

太大的分歧，”科技公司客户经理李先生说。

在一家金融科技公司工作的 Yam 表示：“我认为这更多的是为

了调整我们的期望，并从有经验的人那里发现我们在婚姻生活中可

能面临的潜在障碍。”

上个月，这对情侣刚搬到一起就发生了冲突，咨询对他们很有

帮助。

当未婚夫在日常谈话中将家务和物品分开时，Yam 感到很不高

兴，就好像她是他的室友一样。

香港天主教婚姻辅导会九龙东共同抚养支持中心主管 Emily Wong 表示，

夫妻在离婚过程中会经历焦虑和愤怒。照片：陈晓梅

咨询会议帮助他们解决了共同生活中出现的早期问题。
 两人都努力改善沟通能力，李女士努力多用“我们”而不是

“你”和“我”，而任女士则努力表达自己的感受和想法。

李说：“如果这些小冲突积累起来，就会爆发，所以我们需要

学会如何解决它们。”

他们意识到，这只是他们希望的终生旅程中的最初几课。

任先生说：“婚姻的意义在于，即使遇到困难，也要在一起生

活。”

LifestyleHealth & Wellness

Explainer | Hong Kong cross-border
divorces: what to know as marriages
break down post-pandemic, and how
to keep the love alive
 Divorce inquiries in Hong Kong have jumped post-
pandemic, many of them involving cross-border
marriages with at least one partner from mainland
China
 Kissing your spouse good night, having a weekly
date night, and travelling together once a year are
routines that can safeguard a marriage, an expert
says
 Divorce inquires in Hong Kong have surged, with many cases
involving cross-border marriages where at least one partner is from
mainland China. Although an affair is often the trigger, it’s often
not the cause, a psychologist says. Photo: Shutterstock

As the pandemic wound down in Hong Kong at the end of

2022, lawyers across the city saw a surge in inquiries about
divorce.
 Given that a third of Hong Kong marriages involve at least
one partner from mainland China – compared to just 1.6 per cent
in 1991 – many of these divorces mark the end of a cross-border
relationship.
Take Miranda*. She moved to Hong Kong from mainland
China with her husband Joe* 15 years ago. Joe registered his
company in Hong Kong, but his business and most of his assets
are in the mainland.
Their two children, now eight and 10 years old, were born in
Hong Kong, but Joe is largely an absent father as his work takes
him away from home much of the time.
It was a set-up that worked until Miranda found out about
Joe’s second family across the border. Now she wants a divorce
– and she wants it in Hong Kong.
Miranda is typical of the clients that the Hong Kong divorce
and family team at law firm Withers see.
“The number of cross-border divorces are eating most of the
pie,” says Jocelyn Tsao, a partner at Withers. “We’ve had to
give our staff Putonghua [Mandarin] brush-up lessons.”
 Jocelyn Tsao is a partner at Withers in Hong Kong. Photo:
Jocelyn Tsao
Official government statistics for the Hong Kong divorce
rate are only available until 2021 – when the number dipped
because the courts were closed, and the pandemic was not the
time to start legal action – but family lawyers say they are now
inundated with work.
An affair is often the trigger for a divorce – and usually it’s the
husband playing away from home.
Tsao says typically the wife may have known of the affair for some
time, but if she discovers the husband has a second family across the border,
it is often the final straw.
“When it threatens their own children’s inheritance, when it comes to
the passing of wealth, the wife may want to ensure that the wealth is
preserved [rather than shared with another family],” Tsao says.
 When an affair threatens the inheritance of a cheated partner’s children,
it is often the final straw that leads to divorce. Photo: Shutterstock
Most divorces are instigated by women rather than men – and it’s in
their interests to commence proceedings in Hong Kong, where the court is
known to be generous to the “weaker” spouse.
In Hong Kong, the court considers assets acquired both before and after
marriage, while in the mainland, communal property is only that acquired
after marriage.
A Hong Kong court also has the power to make banks disclose
financial statements, while in the mainland, the court isn’t empowered to
order financial disclosure and it is up to the husband to disclose his assets.
Dr Ken Fung, a clinical psychologist and a relationship therapist from
the Jadis Blurton Family Development Centre in Hong Kong, says 20 per
cent of his clients are cross-border couples.
“Women are the ones who initiate the divorce. Men are scared about
how to bring that news to their parents and don’t want to give away their
assets. They usually try to convince their wife [that their infidelity is] a one-
off thing and it won’t happen again. Then the wife finds out that it’s more
than that,” Fung says.
Fung says the pandemic is behind the recent surge in divorces. Conflict
is more easily resolved when you are in the same room, where you are able
to hug, kiss or show non-verbal cues, but this wasn’t possible for many
cross-border couples, with tough social distancing and quarantine measures
keeping them apart.
As people became more frustrated, resentment could be displaced to
their partner and the children.
 Dr Ken Fung, a clinical psychologist and a relationship therapist from
the Jadis Blurton Family Development Centre in Hong Kong, says 20 per
cent of his clients are cross-border couples. Photo: Dr Ken Fung
 Although an affair is often the trigger for a divorce, it’s often not the
cause, Fung says. The cause is often conflict in the marriage.
When the communication between a couple breaks down and they stop
talking, they may turn to other people to talk about personal issues.
“When you talk about your relationship with others, how you don’t feel
satisfied with your partner, it’s an intimate exchange. The pandemic only
provided a platform for the affair to grow,” Fung says.
The foundation of a successful cross-border marriage – and marriages
more broadly – is the ability to effectively communicate with your partner,
to discuss both the positive and the negative in a clear and respectful way.
Fung says he sees so many of his clients taking their spouse for granted
– “We are married so I don’t need to prioritise my partner” – and says that
this has to be addressed if a marriage is to work.
He encourages his clients to establish routines – daily, fortnightly and
annually – to ensure that doesn’t happen.
“It can be as simple as kissing your spouse goodnight every day,
having a date night once a week, and travelling together once a year. This
will help your relationship grow, but so many couples don’t take that
pathway,” he says.
Shifting trends in cross-border marriages
While the trend has long been for Hong Kong men to marry mainland
women, there has been a steady increase in Hong Kong women finding love
across the border.
In 1991, Hong Kong women accounted for just 6.1 per cent of all
cross-border marriages, but that increased to 35.8 per cent by 2019.
What’s more, the age gap between the groom and bride has narrowed.
In 2006, the groom was five or more years older than the bride in 69
per cent of marriages, with a median difference of nine years.
In 2020, 52.9 per cent of Hong Kong grooms were five or more years
older and the median age difference had dropped to five years.
*Not the couple’s real names
香港跨境离婚：疫情后婚姻破裂时你

需要知道什么，以及如何保持爱情

 疫情过后，香港的离婚咨询数量激增，其中许多涉及跨境婚姻

伴侣至少有一方来自中国大陆

 专家称，与配偶道晚安吻、每周约会一次、每年一起旅行一次

都是可以维护婚姻的习惯
 香港的离婚咨询数量激增，许多案件涉及跨境婚姻，其中至少有一方来自中
国大陆。一位心理学家表示，虽然婚外情往往是导火索，但往往不是原因。
照片：Shutterstock

2022 年底，随着香港疫情逐渐平息，香港各地的律师接到的离

婚咨询数量激增。

鉴于三分之一的香港婚姻至少有一个伴侣来自中国大陆（而

1991 年只有 1.6％），其中许多离婚标志着跨境关系的结束。

以米兰达*为例。15 年前，她和丈夫乔*从中国大陆移居香港。

乔在香港注册了他的公司，但他的生意和大部分资产都在大陆。
 他们的两个孩子现年八岁和十岁，出生在香港，但乔大部分时

间都缺席，因为工作使他不在家。

这个安排一直很奏效，直到米兰达发现乔在边境对面还有第二

个家庭。现在她想离婚——而且是在香港。

米兰达是威瑟斯律师事务所香港离婚和家庭事务团队接待的典

型客户之一。

威瑟斯律师事务所合伙人乔斯琳·曹 (Jocelyn Tsao) 表示：

“跨境离婚数量占了大部分份额。我们不得不给员工上普通话复习

课。”

Jocelyn Tsao 是威瑟斯律师事务所香港分所 合伙人。照片：

Jocelyn Tsao
 香港离婚率的官方政府统计数据仅提供至 2021 年，由于法院

关闭，且疫情期间并非采取法律行动的时机，离婚率有所下降，但

家庭律师表示，他们现在工作繁忙。

婚外情往往是离婚的诱因——通常是丈夫不在家。

曹女士说，通常情况下，妻子可能已经知道丈夫的婚外情一段

时间了，但如果她发现丈夫在边境对面还有第二个家庭，这往往会

成为压死骆驼的最后一根稻草。

曹女士说：“当财富的继承权威胁到自己孩子的利益时，妻子

可能希望确保财富能够保留下来（而不是与另一个家庭分享）。”

当婚外情威胁到受骗一方子女的继承权时，这往往是导致离婚

的最后一根稻草。照片：Shutterstock
 大多数离婚案件都是由女性而非男性提起的，在香港提起诉讼

符合女性的利益，因为香港的法庭以对“弱势”一方较为宽容而闻

名。

在香港，法院会考虑婚前和婚后获得的资产，而在内地，共同

财产仅限于婚后获得的资产。

香港法院还有权要求银行披露财务报表，而在内地，法院无权

要求银行披露财务报表，而是否披露资产则由丈夫决定。

香港 Jadis Blurton 家庭发展中心的临床心理学家和关系治疗师

Ken Fung 博士说，他的客户中有 20% 是跨境夫妇。

“提出离婚的是女人。男人害怕如何向父母透露这个消息，也不

想放弃自己的财产。他们通常会试图说服妻子（他们的不忠行为）

只是一 次性 的事 情 ，不会再 发生 。然后妻子 发 现事 情 远不 止于

此，”冯说。

冯氏说，疫情是近期离婚率飙升的原因。当你们同处一室时，

冲突更容易解决，因为你们可以拥抱、亲吻或表达非语言暗示，但

对于许多跨境夫妻来说，这是不可能的，因为严格的社交距离和隔

离措施让他们彼此隔绝。

随着人们变得越来越沮丧，怨恨就会转移到他们的伴侣和孩子

身上。
 香港 Jadis Blurton 家庭发展中心的临床心理学家兼关系治疗师 Ken Fung 博士表示，

他的客户中有 20% 是跨境夫妇。照片：Ken Fung 博士

冯说，尽管婚外情常常是离婚的导火索，但它往往不是离婚的

原因。离婚的原因往往是婚姻中的矛盾。

当夫妻之间沟通中断并且不再交谈时，他们可能会转向其他人

谈论个人问题。

“当你谈论你与他人的关系，谈论你对伴侣的不满时，这是一种

亲密的交流。疫情只是为婚外情的滋生提供了一个平台，”冯说。

成功的跨境婚姻（以及更广泛的婚姻）的基础是能够与伴侣进

行有效的沟通，以清晰和尊重的方式讨论积极的和消极的方面。
 冯先生说，他看到很多客户都将自己的配偶视为理所当然 —

— “我们已经结婚了，所以我不需要优先考虑我的伴侣” — —

并说，如果婚姻想要成功，就必须解决这个问题。

他鼓励他的客户建立日常、每两周和每年的日常习惯，以确保

这种情况不会发生。

“这可以很简单，比如每天亲吻你的配偶道晚安，每周约会一次，

每年一起旅行一次。这将有助于你们的关系发展，但很多夫妻并没

有走这条路，”他说。

跨境婚姻的变化趋势
尽管香港男性与内地女性结婚的趋势由来已久，但寻找内地爱

情的香港女性数量却稳步增长。

1991 年，香港女性仅占所有跨境婚姻的 6.1％，但到 2019 年，

这一比例上升至 35.8％。

此外，新郎和新娘之间的年龄差距也缩小了。

2006 年，在 69% 的婚姻中，新郎比新娘大 5 岁或以上，平均

年龄差为 9 岁。

2020 年，52.9%的香港新郎比同龄人大 5 岁或以上，平均年龄

差距已降至 5 岁。

*这不是这对夫妇的真实姓名

People & CultureGender & Diversity

Explainer | What is a friendship
marriage? From pals to platonic
partners, Japanese couples embrace
unions without romance or sex
 New cohabitating relationship trend is based on
shared interests and values
 Partners pursue romance outside marriage, can use
artificial insemination
 A new relationship trend called “friendship marriage” in which
young people embrace union without love or sex has hit Japan. The
Post finds out why, and what it is. Photo: SCMP
composite/Shutterstock

Increasing numbers of young people in Japan are adopting a new type

of marital relationship that requires neither love nor sex, in a trend called
“friendship marriage”.
Around one per cent of Japan’s population of 124 million are possible
candidates for the arrangement.
They include asexual individuals, homosexuals, and heterosexuals who
are disillusioned with traditional marriage.
The figures come from data collected by Colorus, an agency that
claims to be the first and only one in Japan that specialises in friendship
marriages.
Since the agency’s inception in March 2015, about 500 members have
formed friendship marriage households, and some have raised children.
 The Post finds out more about the trend.
What is it?
Friendship marriage is defined as “a cohabitating relationship based on
shared interests and values.” It is not about traditional romantic love or
marrying a best friend.

Some “friendship marriage” partners opt to have children using

artificial insemination. Photo: Getty Images
In such relationships, the partners are legally spouses, but without
romantic love or sexual interaction. Couples may live together or separately.
If they decide to have children, they might decide to use artificial
insemination.
Both individuals are free to pursue romantic relationships with other
people outside the marriage, as long as there is mutual agreement.
“Friendship marriage is like finding a roommate with similar interests,”
explained someone who has been in such an arrangement for three years.
“I’m not suited to be someone’s girlfriend, but I can be a good friend. I
only wanted someone with similar tastes to do things we both enjoy, to chat
and laugh with,” another said.
Before marrying, couples usually spend hours or days agreeing on the
details of their life, such as whether to eat meals together, how to split
expenses, who does the laundry, and how to allocate refrigerator space.
Such discussions may seem unromantic, but they have helped about 80
per cent of couples to live happily together and in many cases have children,
Colorus said.
 Who does it?
Individuals interested in friendship marriage are, on average, 32.5 years
old with incomes exceeding the national average, and about 85 per cent have
a bachelor’s degree or higher, according to Colorus.
The trend is particularly appealing to asexual individuals and
homosexuals.
Many asexuals, who are unable to feel sexual desire or fall in love, still
crave connection and companionship.
Homosexuals may opt for friendship marriages as an alternative
because same-sex marriage is not legal in Japan.
Some heterosexual young people, who dislike traditional marriage
patterns or romantic relationships, but are subject to societal pressures, have
also been embracing the new trend.
About 75 per cent of Japanese in their thirties still view marriage as a
life goal, as reported by the Japanese Cabinet Office.
However, 47.2 per cent of Japanese married couples have not had sex
in the past month, and the number is rising, a 2016 survey showed.
Seeking alternatives to traditional marriage, people have turned to
friendship marriage to present a “stable and mature” image for career
advancement or to please their parents.
In Japan, being married has tax benefits and it remains very difficult for
single women to have children.
More than 70 per cent of partners in friendship marriages did so to have
children.
Although these types of relationships sometimes end in divorce, the
advantages include enjoying policy benefits, companionship and “helping
those who feel lost, dislike traditional marriage, or consider themselves
social outcasts”, Colorus said.
 Some people in Japan follow the new trend to assuage the traditional
concerns of their parents. Photo; Shutterstock
Outside Japan
Worldwide, young people are increasingly exploring relationship
arrangements beyond traditional marriage norms.
Two 24-year-old women from Singapore, who have been close friends
since childhood, decided to become life partners and live together in Los
Angeles. Their relationship is not sexual.
In China, a growing number of young people are choosing to buy
houses and live with close friends.
Marriage lawyer Zhao Li uses a common Chinese saying, “More than
friends, less than lovers” to describe friendship marriage and emphasises the
importance of signing a prenuptial agreement.
“Although a non-sexual marriage might not be for everyone, it is not
necessarily unhealthy or abnormal,” said Ma Xiaonian, a Chinese doctor
with more than 30 years experience in sex education and relevant research.
人与文化性别与多样性
什么是友谊婚姻？从朋友到柏拉图式的伴

侣，日本夫妇接受没有浪漫或性关系的结

 同居关系新趋势基于共同的兴趣和价值观

 伴侣追求婚外恋，可使用人工授精
 一种名为“友情婚姻”的新恋爱趋势席卷日本，年轻人接受没有爱情或性的
结 合 。 《 华 盛 顿 邮 报 》 找 出 了 其 中 的 原 因 和 真 相 。 照 片 ： SCMP 合 成
图/Shutterstock

日本越来越多年轻人选择一种不需要爱情也不需要性的新型婚姻
关系，即“友情婚姻”。
日本 1.24 亿人口中约有 1% 的人可能适用这一制度。
他们包括无性恋者、同性恋者、以及对传统婚姻感到失望的异性
恋者。
这些数据来自 Colorus 收集的数据，该公司声称自己是日本第一
家也是唯一一家专门从事友谊婚姻的中介机构。
该机构自 2015 年 3 月成立以来，已有约 500 名会员建立了友情
婚姻家庭，其中一些人还养育了孩子。
 《华盛顿邮报》对这一趋势进行了更多了解。
它是什么？
友谊婚姻被定义为“基于共同兴趣和价值观的同居关系”。它不
是传统的浪漫爱情，也不是和最好的朋友结婚。

一些“友谊婚姻”的伴侣选择通过人工授精来生孩子。图片来源： Getty
Images
在这种关系中，双方在法律上是配偶，但没有爱情或性关系。夫
妻可以同居或分居。如果他们决定要孩子，他们可能会选择人工授精。
只要双方同意，双方都可以自由地与婚姻之外的其他人建立恋爱
关系。
“友谊婚姻就像是找到一个有着相似兴趣的室友。”一位已经处于
这种关系三年的人解释道。
另一位网友说：“我不适合做某人的女朋友，但我可以做个好朋
友。我只想要一个有相同品味的人，一起做我们都喜欢的事情，一起
聊天、一起欢笑。”
结婚前，夫妻通常会花几个小时或几天的时间商定生活的细节，
比如是否一起吃饭、如何分摊开支、谁洗衣服、如何分配冰箱空间。
这样的讨论可能看起来并不浪漫，但它帮助大约 80% 的夫妻幸福

地生活在一起，很多夫妻还生儿育女，Colorus 说道。
 谁做的？
Colorus 的数据显示，有意进行友情婚姻的个人平均年龄为 32.5

岁，收入超过全国平均水平，约 85％ 拥有学士学位或更高学位。

这种趋势对于无性恋者和同性恋者来说尤其有吸引力。
许多无性恋者无法感受到性欲或坠入爱河，但仍然渴望联系和陪
伴。
由于同性婚姻在日本不合法，同性恋者可能会选择友谊婚姻作为
替代方案。
一些异性恋年轻人不喜欢传统的婚姻模式或恋爱关系，但迫于社
会压力，也开始接受这种新趋势。
日本内阁府报告称，约 75%的 30 多岁日本人仍将结婚视为人生目
标。
然而，2016 年的一项调查显示，47.2%的日本已婚夫妇过去一个
月没有发生过性生活，而且这个数字还在上升。
为了寻求传统婚姻的替代品，人们选择友谊婚姻来展现“稳定和
成熟”的形象，以促进事业发展或取悦父母。
在日本，结婚可以享受税收优惠，单身女性生孩子仍然非常困难。
超过 70% 的友谊婚姻双方是为了生孩子。
虽然这类关系有时以离婚告终，但其优点包括享受政策福利、陪
伴以及“帮助那些感到迷茫、不喜欢传统婚姻或认为自己是社会弃儿
的人”，Colorus 表示。
 日本有些人追随新潮流，以缓解父母的传统顾虑。图片来源：Shutterstock

日本以外
世界各地的年轻人越来越多地探索超越传统婚姻规范的关系安排。
两名 24 岁的新加坡女子从小就是好朋友，她们决定成为终身伴侣，
一起住在洛杉矶。她们的关系并不涉及性。
在中国，越来越多的年轻人选择购买房屋并与亲密朋友同住。
婚姻律师赵莉用中国俗语“朋友以上，恋人以下”来形容友谊婚
姻，并强调签署婚前协议的重要性。
“尽管无性婚姻可能并不适合所有人，但它并不一定是不健康或不

正常的，”在性教育和相关研究方面拥有 30 多年经验的中国医生马小
年说。