Evaluation Report

TR CC LR GRA Overall Bandscore

8.0 7.0 7.0 7.0 7.0

Cohesion and Coherence - 7.0

Summary
The essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a
conclusion summarizing the argument and stating the writer's opinion. The writer uses effective
connective words ('whereas', 'although', 'on the one hand', 'on the other hand', 'in my view') to guide the
reader through the essay. However, the frequent use of 'you' or "we" in this essay is unnecessary,
especially in the first and second main bodies.

Suggestions
- Keep two main bodies with opposing views neutral, as in this case, you dedicated a separate paragraph
for your own view.

Revisions
- ..."On the one hand, living a simple life without altering anything can give us a sense of security and
comfort which is the main thing to avoid uncertainty. Normally, if you can predict the things which can
occur next day, you can reduce the stress level and anxiety which have negative impact on our mental
health."
Suggested Revision: Living a simple life without altering anything can provide a sense of security and
comfort, primarily by avoiding uncertainty. Predictability in day-to-day life can reduce stress and anxiety
levels, which positively impacts mental health.
Explanation: Reworded to improve sentence structure and clarity.

Lexical Resource - 7.0

Summary
The writer uses a wide range of vocabulary and their word choice is generally precise. However, several
errors can be detected in the usage of certain words or phrases.

Revisions
- ..."That is why the majority of people, especially the young always try to get the stable job having
graduated from colleges."
Suggested Revision: This is why many people, particularly recent graduates, strive to find stable
employment.
Explanation: Improved phrase clarity and correctness.

Essay is checked by Dilshodbek Ravshanov

- ..."In other words, if an individual is always open to changes, it means, he is open for self-growth and
new achievements."
Suggested Revision: In other words, individuals who are open to change are also open to self-
improvement and new achievements.
Explanation: Improved sentence clarity.

- ..."To sum up, it is very acceptable for me to have changes in my life rather than repeating the same
thing everyday because of several reasons mentioned above."
Suggested Revision: In conclusion, I find it preferable to embrace changes in life rather than repeating the
same routines daily for the various reasons mentioned above.
Explanation: Improved phrase clarity and corrected verb tense.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy - 7.0

Summary
The essay shows a variety of complex grammatical structures. However, some sentences are awkward
and there are minor errors with verb tenses and prepositions.

Revisions
- ..."That is why the majority of people, especially the young always try to get the stable job having
graduated from colleges."
Suggested Revision: This is why many people, especially young adults, strive for a stable job after
graduating from college.
Explanation: Corrected grammar and provided appropriate preposition and verb tense.

- ..."...the huge amount of people, including myself complaint about depression and anxiety to
psychologists."
Suggested Revision: ...a large number of people, including myself, complained about depression and
anxiety to psychologists.
Explanation: Corrected the phrase 'huge amount' and corrected the verb tense from 'complaint' to
'complained'. A comma is added for accuracy as well.

- ..."Moreover, people who loves changes can easily acquire the soft skill, adaptability, which is always
demanded by recruiters. "
Suggested Revision: Moreover, people who love change can easily acquire the soft skill of adaptability,
which is consistently sought after by recruiters.
Explanation: Revised the sentence for accuracy and better flow.

Task Response - 8.0

Summary
The writer has responded sufficiently to the task, providing a clear and detailed discussion of both

Essay is checked by Dilshodbek Ravshanov

perspectives on change and stating their own opinion. The writer uses relevant examples to support their
points. However, the use of 'you' should have been avoided in the first main body, as the writer decided to
include personal stance in the separate third main body. In other words, in discussion essays,
perspectives should be divided properly, and certain parts should be neutral (preferably without first and
second-person pronouns).

Suggestions
- Make sure you understand the stylistic differences between 'discussion' and other essays. Consider that
'you' is generally believed to be inappropriate in academic writing (although there are some exceptions).

Essay is checked by Dilshodbek Ravshanov