Archer - 14x09 - Into The Cold (Finale)

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I am calling for an official
vote by the General Assembly
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to ban private
spy organizations worldwide.
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Their lawless shadow world
must end!
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Can't they find
anyone to defend us?
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Well, the North Koreans said
we're an excellent example
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of the fatal contradictions
of capitalism.
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Damn.
Why do the people who hate us
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have the best arguments?
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I mean, the easy answer
is 'cause they're right.
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But the correct,
more complex answer, is,
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- uh... very complex.
- Yes, I left Interpol abruptly.
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And, yes, I work in an industry
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whose rep is worse than
an ongoing orphanage fire.
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But I'm easier to work with now.
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Oh, that's just like you, Steve,
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you dribble of piss.
[line beeps]
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Ugh! Bollocks!
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- So how's the job search?
- Honestly? On the upswing.
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- [Lana] Guys, the mission?
- Really?
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- We're still doing that?
- [Lana] Oh, come on.
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They're just grandstanding.
Do you know how much
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dirt private spy agencies
have on those UN dorks?
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They'll cave before the vote.
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So our business that's
being banned for being dirty
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won't be banned because
it's too dirty to ban?
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- That's your argument?
- [Lana] It would appear that it is.
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I have to make some calls.
Totally unrelated.
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Look, this isn't going to
happen because it can't happen,
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- so let's just stop talking about it!
- Right, sort of.
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But let's just be
professionals here.
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And speaking of the opposite
of that, where is Archer?
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[Archer]
[yawns] He's here.
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Waiting patiently.
And professionally.
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Well, those two are
definitely professionals.
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- You said it was an escort mission.
- [Lana] Uh, no one said that.
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The mission is simple.
Oh, God, are they breathing?
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We did go pretty hard
last night.
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Anyone bring any of those, uh,
what, uh, oh, nose mirrors?
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What sensitivity you need?
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- You travel with those?
- Uh, you don't?
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Voicemail!
I know you're there, Catherine!
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Pick up, you sniveling strumpet!
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[woman yawns, coughs]
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Oh, there they go.
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All right, everybody,
let's go have a great mission!
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Oh, uh, wait, what's the mission?
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Also, what country is this?
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[main title theme]
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♪ ♪
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 sync & correction by f1nc0
-- Addic7ed.com -- 
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So now that we've got the
distractions out of the way...
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They weren't distractions, Lana.
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They were people with real hopes
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and real dreams
and real fake names.
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- Which were?
- Like I've got the brain space for that.
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Got the brain space for
what country you're in?
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Barbados.
No, wait. Bahrain.
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I... I know it's got a bar in it.
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So in Rio de Janeiro...
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Ha! It was the bra
I was thinking of in Brazil.
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Come on, let's go.
Time is of the essence. Probably.
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The Chinese military developed
a high-tech bunker buster,
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and the US government
wants a look at it.
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But they can't be seen
to be involved.
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Isn't that a great argument
for us continuing to exist?
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- Not if you're the Chinese.
- So some Chinese gangsters
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went rogue and stole it,
and then immediately panicked.
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We're not sure who the buyer is,
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but to narrow it down,
just make a list
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of every terrorist
organization in the world.
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I'm definitely not doing that.
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They chose Brazil for the handoff
because this time of year, it is...
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[crowds cheering]
...a bit distracting.
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[laughter]
[lively music playing]
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I think you mean awesome, Lana.
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The pageantry, the history,
the popo zau... right?
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Yeah, I wouldn't worry
about distractions.
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He seems pretty dialed in.
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So the handoff is happening
at a black market warehouse
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here, owned by
Brazilian gangsters.
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You intercept the bomb and
drive it to the helipad here.
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Infiltrate, extract, transport.
Got it.
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Now in regards
to intelligence on this one,
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do you know if any of
these gangsters are hiring?
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And that's goodbye.
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[sighs]
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- Hello.
- Hi.
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- Yeah, hi.
- Also hi.
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You think you might want
to address the troops?
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I think you sent an
intense email by accident.
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[jazzy music]
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So I understand that this is
a shock, but you are not fired.
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This is a hiatus.
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And we will be back in
business when the smoke clears.
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Don't mind me. Just collecting
rage pheromones for nothing.
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Thank you all for your hard work.
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Each and every one of you is truly...
[sighs] valued.
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Hey, Kirk, wait!
You forgot your... [gags]
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Literal bag of shit.
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[lively music playing]
[Pam] Seems a bit harsh.
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[Archer]
That's what these guys are.
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That pangolin is clearly dehydrated.
Wait. Oh, my God.
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- [Ray] Is it the bomb?
- What bomb?
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Oh, right. No.
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It's a case of
Glengoolie Green whiskey.
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- Is that the most important thing?
- Seriously?
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They only made, like,
100 cases of that.
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50, 30 of which were lost at sea.
Oh, yeah, I also see the bomb.
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Uh, it looks like
the buyer hasn't shown yet.
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It's just the Chinese
and the Brazilians.
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So here's the plan.
I'm gonna go open some crates
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to see if they have anymore
Glengoolie Green.
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And then?
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- [Archer] Well, that depends.
- On what?
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- [Archer] On whether I find it.
- [Krieger] Wait, that's the plan?
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- Do nothing and hope it works out?
- Well, what else can we do?
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Unless someone with
lots of money...
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so much that they don't
have any use for it...
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- [chuckles] could hire us.
- Who would even do that?
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Like, do you guys have
any real skills?
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- I'm an accountant!
- I know all the science.
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I said real skills.
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I guess it's not as useful
as glue-sniffing tolerance.
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- Though I am willing to learn.
- Me too!
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[Barry] So I hate to interrupt
your planned addiction here, but...
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- [gasps] Demon fridge!
- Whoa, easy. It's Barry.
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Yeah, and I'm not sure
the answer to the question,
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"How do I hurt refrigerator?"
is knife.
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I've been here for weeks.
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Or you just got here, and
you're messing with our memories.
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Who even am I?
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So where's my freaking body, Krieger?
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You shoved me in this fridge,
and you said it was temporary.
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Hey, I was almost done
with the prototype for you.
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But then I ran into
a scientific roadblock.
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[Barry] Which was?
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I got bored.
[ice machine rattles]
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- Ah! My microscope eye.
- So first of all,
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everything is totally fine and normal.
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But just in case, we need
to clean this place out
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so we can get our deposit back.
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And if we get our deposit back,
I will split it with you.
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- And if you find anything cool, you can sell it.
- One question.
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[sly music]
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- What have I done to deserve this?
- [Barry] Oh, I don't know.
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Pushed all your mistakes
down this elevator shaft?
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So ballpark,
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how many bodies do you think
we pushed down here?
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- Uh, I did two or three.
- Two or three bodies. Not so bad.
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[laughing] Oh, no,
two or three ballparks.
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[Ray]
So now can we get the bomb?
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Not until I tell everyone how
I just found the coolest thing.
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- So do it.
- I just did.
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And now, you don't get
to know what it is.
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- [speaking Portuguese]
- [Ray] Hang on.
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- Something's happening.
- Shit. Buyer still hasn't shown up,
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and there's no translator.
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Wait.
Archer, you speak Portuguese.
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- [Archer] Claro.
- And I speak a little Chinese.
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Great, so you go down there and
explain that you're the buyers,
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they give us the bomb,
and we get out of here.
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- Yes, Pam.
- It's kind of genius.
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[Archer] Hmm, seems complicated.
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What if I just solved
everything myself
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while you guys stare at me
in quiet awe,
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- proving that I don't need anyone?
- And how are you gonna do that?
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I'm going to introduce
them to my friend,
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Mr. Basic Acoustics.
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[guns clicking]
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And Mr. Basic Acoustics'
first name is...
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Uh...
[sighs]
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Ugh, forget it.
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[gunshot echoes]
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[gunfire]
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[shouts]
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[gangsters grunting]
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[dramatic music]
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Death By!
His first name is Death By.
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I nailed it.
Death by basic acoustics, right?
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[chuckles] Come on.
Guys?
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[sighs]
Should have waited.
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All right, stay focused.
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I see a gap in the line.
Ready?
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And, now!
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Why isn't every day Carnival?
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- Um, because society would collapse?
- Totally worth it.
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You know,
if this is our last mission,
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- not a bad way to go out.
- Stop saying that.
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Everything's gonna be fine,
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so shut up and let me focus
on how great my ass looks.
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Well, counterpoint,
maybe you suck.
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- Maybe I will.
- [Barry] What?
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I've lost the thread
on this argument.
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You pointed out that
Cheryl wasn't helping,
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despite the fact that
you aren't helping either.
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Hey, I gave you that water,
and just so you know,
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when I do that,
it feels like I'm peeing.
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- Dude.
- Fascinating.
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So your physical sensations are
mapped onto the refrigerator.
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Kind of, yeah. Is that gonna
help you put me back into my body?
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Not yet, but in the future,
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maybe we'll all be trapped
in refrigerators,
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so you won't feel as bad.
[ice machine rattles]
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Gah, my non-microscope eye!
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- What the...
- [gasps] It's Milton.
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[printer whirring]
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[printer crackling, fizzing]
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[Barry] Well, at least
that's not depressing.
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Isn't there, like,
another elevator shaft
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- we could push this trash down?
- Oh, I hate this job.
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I hate losing this job.
Stupid elevator shaft!
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Good God, you guys
complain so much.
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Just look around
for some garbage to sell
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so you can buy that rent thing
you're always whining about.
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Do you not know what rent is?
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I want to say a kind of poor
people food, like kibble?
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[Archer] Mmm. This is...
and I don't say this lightly...
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- concentrated liquid orgasm.
- Ugh, gross.
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[sighs]
But you're absolutely right.
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[fireworks popping]
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So what are y'all gonna do
when this is over?
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- Oh, come on!
- Stop.
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[phone trills]
We've got intelligence that
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the Chinese are staking out
all major helipads.
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You're going to have to
turn off the parade route.
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- [Zara] Oh, no!
- [Archer] Aww, come on!
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- [Ray] Boo!
- [Lana] Yeah, real sorry
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you gotta do a mission
during the mission.
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Well, at least you apologized.
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I found you a clearing
you can use up in the hills.
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- I'll send coordinates.
- So hear me out.
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What if we just stayed
on the parade route
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and sold the bomb to the Chinese?
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00:10:03,009 --> 00:10:04,769
[Lana] I don't know.
They'd probably kill you
237
00:10:04,793 --> 00:10:06,683
and maybe start World War III.
238
00:10:06,684 --> 00:10:08,119
What are we thinking?
Worth a shot?
239
00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:09,622
[Lana groans]
240
00:10:09,623 --> 00:10:11,793
[button beeps]
Idiots!
241
00:10:11,794 --> 00:10:13,362
Aw, how can I complain
about idiots
242
00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:15,734
without any idiots to complain to?
243
00:10:15,735 --> 00:10:18,807
- But what does it mean?
- What does what mean?
244
00:10:18,808 --> 00:10:21,378
Oh, uh, just our newfound
closeness as a team.
245
00:10:21,379 --> 00:10:22,982
We also found some keys.
246
00:10:22,983 --> 00:10:24,652
- Really, Cheryl?
- What?
247
00:10:24,653 --> 00:10:26,990
You know I'm not good with
nonverbal communication.
248
00:10:26,991 --> 00:10:28,693
[Barry] Just incidentally,
249
00:10:28,694 --> 00:10:30,454
what kind of communication
are you good with?
250
00:10:30,478 --> 00:10:32,167
- What?
- [Barry] OK.
251
00:10:32,168 --> 00:10:33,468
So?
252
00:10:35,207 --> 00:10:37,845
Anyone recognize these?
253
00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:40,348
New task. Figure out
what these keys go to.
254
00:10:40,352 --> 00:10:43,255
Search everywhere. Maybe
it's something we can sell.
255
00:10:43,256 --> 00:10:45,336
- [Barry clears throat]
- Did you just clear a throat
256
00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:46,061
you do not have?
257
00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:47,230
[Barry] Uh, I want to help.
258
00:10:47,231 --> 00:10:50,871
Uh, I hate to break this to you,
but you are a refrigerator.
259
00:10:50,872 --> 00:10:53,175
I am aware!
260
00:10:53,176 --> 00:10:56,181
And I've been shoved in
that break room for months,
261
00:10:56,182 --> 00:10:58,052
trying to start conversations
with people
262
00:10:58,053 --> 00:11:01,158
who are shoving things into
what feels like my rib cage
263
00:11:01,159 --> 00:11:02,862
and basically ignoring me.
264
00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:05,132
I saved all of your lives
from Other Barry,
265
00:11:05,133 --> 00:11:08,773
so will you please just
give me a goddamn hand?
266
00:11:08,774 --> 00:11:11,345
Sorry, have we established
where this weird fridge
267
00:11:11,346 --> 00:11:13,349
came from
and why it talks like this?
268
00:11:13,350 --> 00:11:14,550
- [Barry] Yes!
- Several times.
269
00:11:14,551 --> 00:11:17,223
- Repeatedly.
- But you're, like, kind of a pain to haul around.
270
00:11:17,224 --> 00:11:19,424
And we only brought you down
here because you begged us.
271
00:11:19,448 --> 00:11:22,434
We solved this last time.
Just take my circuits out.
272
00:11:22,435 --> 00:11:24,070
- Oh, right.
- Duh.
273
00:11:24,071 --> 00:11:26,242
Just put me on something
light with wheels.
274
00:11:27,779 --> 00:11:30,182
Yeah, not what I had in mind.
275
00:11:30,183 --> 00:11:32,153
[car horn honking]
276
00:11:32,154 --> 00:11:33,857
[Zara] And what did
you have in mind?
277
00:11:33,858 --> 00:11:34,992
Not this.
[car thunks]
278
00:11:34,993 --> 00:11:37,898
- [grunts] Pam, what's going on?
- [Pam] It's not me.
279
00:11:37,899 --> 00:11:39,201
Jesus Christ,
what's the problem?
280
00:11:39,202 --> 00:11:43,309
- Uh, Jesus Christ?
- [Archer] Oh, right.
281
00:11:43,310 --> 00:11:48,219
Uh, not to be sacrilegious here,
but did anyone bring a chainsaw?
282
00:11:48,954 --> 00:11:52,160
Is it me, or did the gun
library used to have more guns?
283
00:11:52,161 --> 00:11:54,699
- It's called an armory.
- Ugh, fine.
284
00:11:54,700 --> 00:11:57,972
Didn't the gun library
used to have more armory?
285
00:11:57,973 --> 00:12:01,411
Ooh, look, Cheryl, a clipboard.
It goes snap, snap.
286
00:12:01,412 --> 00:12:03,182
I know what you're doing.
I'm...
287
00:12:03,183 --> 00:12:06,723
[laughs] Not... oh!
An idiot.
288
00:12:06,724 --> 00:12:08,025
[laughing]
Who can't...
289
00:12:08,026 --> 00:12:09,929
[giggling]
290
00:12:09,930 --> 00:12:12,233
So you've been
selling the guns, huh?
291
00:12:12,234 --> 00:12:14,805
Jeezy Petes, so are we really
in that bad of shape?
292
00:12:14,806 --> 00:12:17,110
Even if the UN doesn't ban us,
we might still go under?
293
00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:19,782
- You're the accountant.
- And I'm starting to suspect
294
00:12:19,783 --> 00:12:21,819
the numbers you're giving me
aren't real.
295
00:12:21,820 --> 00:12:23,500
Oh, really?
You don't think that the bribes
296
00:12:23,524 --> 00:12:26,095
and the hush money and the
payoffs from third world oligarchs
297
00:12:26,096 --> 00:12:29,334
- was recorded accurately?
- Well, I...
298
00:12:29,335 --> 00:12:31,839
oh, uh, yes?
299
00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:33,843
If you knew the amount
of lying and cheating
300
00:12:33,844 --> 00:12:36,014
and moral compromise
being the boss requires,
301
00:12:36,015 --> 00:12:38,085
you would all never stop
giving me cunnilingus.
302
00:12:38,086 --> 00:12:40,824
Well, if the offer is on the table...
303
00:12:40,825 --> 00:12:41,985
Oh, no.
I dated you, remember?
304
00:12:42,009 --> 00:12:43,763
And even that big ass hog of yours
305
00:12:43,764 --> 00:12:46,034
didn't make up for your mouth
in more ways than one.
306
00:12:46,035 --> 00:12:48,138
You would apologize
to the bullet that killed you.
307
00:12:48,139 --> 00:12:50,076
Well, I'm sorry for being polite.
308
00:12:50,077 --> 00:12:53,817
Oh, you just did it again!
Jesus Christ!
309
00:12:53,818 --> 00:12:56,188
Hit the gas, Pam.
[branches snapping]
310
00:12:56,189 --> 00:12:58,125
You know, if we use
the principle of leverage...
311
00:12:58,126 --> 00:12:59,962
Then we'll be here
all damn day.
312
00:12:59,963 --> 00:13:01,031
Floor it, Pam!
313
00:13:01,032 --> 00:13:02,735
[engine revving]
[grunts]
314
00:13:05,106 --> 00:13:06,843
[cries out]
[glass shatters]
315
00:13:06,844 --> 00:13:08,144
Ow.
316
00:13:10,316 --> 00:13:11,819
Told you it would work.
317
00:13:11,820 --> 00:13:13,790
[Lana] Oh, I told myself
it would work.
318
00:13:13,791 --> 00:13:15,192
And then I clawed and I scraped
319
00:13:15,193 --> 00:13:16,863
while you all
whined and complained,
320
00:13:16,864 --> 00:13:19,234
until when I finally closed
my tired eyes to sleep,
321
00:13:19,235 --> 00:13:22,340
all I could see were
your sour, crumpled faces.
322
00:13:22,341 --> 00:13:26,081
Uh, for the record, I wasn't
really around for any of that.
323
00:13:26,082 --> 00:13:28,052
Shut your goddamn
nonexistent mouth!
324
00:13:28,053 --> 00:13:30,323
I would say that we should
have sold you for parts,
325
00:13:30,324 --> 00:13:31,884
but you know what?
I'm glad we saved you
326
00:13:31,908 --> 00:13:33,830
because you finally
achieved your proper form,
327
00:13:33,831 --> 00:13:37,370
because now, you both literally
and figuratively suck!
328
00:13:37,371 --> 00:13:39,174
- Lana.
- What?!
329
00:13:39,175 --> 00:13:41,479
There's writing
on Mr. Snappy that looks
330
00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:44,585
a lot like
the writing on the keys.
331
00:13:44,586 --> 00:13:47,190
Great, now we just need
to find Tom Sawyer.
332
00:13:47,191 --> 00:13:49,227
Anyone got the number
to Mark Twain's cemetery?
333
00:13:49,228 --> 00:13:51,131
Tom Sawyer? That's funny.
334
00:13:51,132 --> 00:13:53,102
It's also the name of a Rush song.
335
00:13:54,371 --> 00:13:56,943
Oh, you don't know that one?
It's the best.
336
00:13:56,944 --> 00:14:00,851
It goes... um, uh...
337
00:14:00,852 --> 00:14:04,992
I don't know how it goes.
338
00:14:04,993 --> 00:14:07,598
[gasps]
I don't know how it goes.
339
00:14:07,599 --> 00:14:10,302
Oh, my God,
I don't know how it goes!
340
00:14:10,303 --> 00:14:13,275
[helicopter blades whirring]
341
00:14:14,446 --> 00:14:16,248
- This is really it, huh?
- Yep.
342
00:14:16,249 --> 00:14:19,020
- Then it's back to Carnival.
- Oh, seriously?
343
00:14:19,021 --> 00:14:20,924
Everything will be fine.
It always is for me.
344
00:14:20,925 --> 00:14:23,897
- I don't need anyone.
- This really how you want to go out?
345
00:14:23,898 --> 00:14:25,166
- Uh-huh.
- But it's us.
346
00:14:25,167 --> 00:14:27,203
There's nothing to discuss.
347
00:14:32,380 --> 00:14:35,252
How could I forget that?
Something's wrong.
348
00:14:35,253 --> 00:14:37,524
Hey, it's OK. It's OK.
349
00:14:37,525 --> 00:14:40,362
Unrelated, has anything weird
been happening?
350
00:14:40,363 --> 00:14:43,135
Like, more weird than
everything else about you.
351
00:14:43,136 --> 00:14:44,505
You know,
now that you mention it,
352
00:14:44,506 --> 00:14:47,076
these weird scars keep
showing up on my skull.
353
00:14:47,077 --> 00:14:48,480
- [all gasp]
- Huh.
354
00:14:48,481 --> 00:14:50,650
[Barry]
So we're just gonna...
355
00:14:50,651 --> 00:14:53,557
Search his lab immediately?
Yes.
356
00:14:54,659 --> 00:14:59,368
Hello!
You absolute turds.
357
00:15:04,211 --> 00:15:05,914
[Archer] Slater?
You are the bag man?
358
00:15:05,915 --> 00:15:07,915
I thought it was appropriate
that your last mission
359
00:15:07,939 --> 00:15:10,189
before vanishing into
the dustbin of history
360
00:15:10,190 --> 00:15:12,628
would be polishing
my glorious balls.
361
00:15:12,629 --> 00:15:15,099
Dude, I don't want to
be picturing your balls.
362
00:15:15,100 --> 00:15:16,400
I won't be able to sleep tonight.
363
00:15:16,404 --> 00:15:18,506
Seriously?
You're still in the CIA
364
00:15:18,507 --> 00:15:21,679
after your catastrophic
fuck up in Manatina?
365
00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:24,217
Ha! Catastrophic?
For the CIA?
366
00:15:24,218 --> 00:15:26,188
They gave me
a commendation for that.
367
00:15:26,189 --> 00:15:29,060
So we don't like this guy.
Is that our vibe here?
368
00:15:29,061 --> 00:15:31,331
Keep it down, Glarey Poppins.
Act like your government.
369
00:15:31,332 --> 00:15:35,339
Stand behind the Americans and nod
while your influence steadily wanes.
370
00:15:35,340 --> 00:15:37,140
Look, I'm gonna need
some kind of confirmation
371
00:15:37,164 --> 00:15:39,482
that this is official CIA business.
372
00:15:39,483 --> 00:15:41,619
Oh, sure.
Just, uh, hang on for a sec.
373
00:15:41,620 --> 00:15:44,425
[imitates phone beeping]
Hello, CIA?
374
00:15:44,426 --> 00:15:47,263
That Chinese weapon you're
stealing, are you stealing it?
375
00:15:47,264 --> 00:15:49,400
- Thanks.
- You don't do the phone bit.
376
00:15:49,401 --> 00:15:50,971
I do the phone bits.
377
00:15:50,972 --> 00:15:52,372
You know what?
That's a great point.
378
00:15:52,396 --> 00:15:57,116
And yet another example of me
doing everything you do, but better.
379
00:15:57,117 --> 00:16:01,959
- And, hey, Pam, my balls.
- [Pam] Goddamn it!
380
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:03,320
I just stopped thinking about them.
381
00:16:03,344 --> 00:16:06,969
- This feels very wrong.
- Glarey Poppins?!
382
00:16:06,970 --> 00:16:10,009
I'll give him a spoonful of shit.
I will, I will. [line beeps]
383
00:16:10,010 --> 00:16:12,113
[phone ringing]
[Archer] Problem, Lana.
384
00:16:12,114 --> 00:16:13,516
We're kind of busy here, OK?
So...
385
00:16:13,517 --> 00:16:15,520
Slater came to pick up the bomb.
386
00:16:15,521 --> 00:16:17,390
- What? That bitch?
- [Archer] Right?
387
00:16:17,391 --> 00:16:19,027
Can you confirm he's in the CIA?
388
00:16:19,028 --> 00:16:21,064
Well, my only contact
was whoever hired us.
389
00:16:21,065 --> 00:16:22,568
And if they were pretending, I...
390
00:16:22,569 --> 00:16:25,540
Well, guess I'll just solve it
myself then, like always.
391
00:16:25,541 --> 00:16:29,013
All right, guys, we have no way of
knowing if he's on the level or not,
392
00:16:29,014 --> 00:16:31,084
so my thought is we just
stop worrying about it
393
00:16:31,085 --> 00:16:33,723
- and go look at some popo zau.
- Oh, my God, yes.
394
00:16:33,724 --> 00:16:36,061
Yes, I know I can't get
my job back at Interpol,
395
00:16:36,062 --> 00:16:37,702
but I need to know
if someone named Slater
396
00:16:37,726 --> 00:16:40,069
is still affiliated with the CIA.
397
00:16:40,070 --> 00:16:42,006
I guess it's a mononym?
398
00:16:42,007 --> 00:16:44,745
- Right. Thanks. [line beeps]
- Yeah, that sounded, uh...
399
00:16:44,746 --> 00:16:47,451
- Like we just got fucked?
- Royally.
400
00:16:47,452 --> 00:16:50,089
Slater was officially disavowed
by the CIA last month.
401
00:16:50,090 --> 00:16:52,490
But they didn't share that with
independent spy organizations
402
00:16:52,514 --> 00:16:54,565
because we're all about to not exist.
403
00:16:54,566 --> 00:16:56,034
I really wish you hadn't
told me that
404
00:16:56,035 --> 00:16:58,105
because now,
I have to destroy Slater.
405
00:16:58,106 --> 00:17:00,175
No way I'm going out like that
on my last mission.
406
00:17:00,176 --> 00:17:03,115
A-ha! So you admit
it's your last mission.
407
00:17:03,116 --> 00:17:05,620
Hey, no gloating during
rage-induced breakthroughs.
408
00:17:05,621 --> 00:17:07,156
What are you looking for now?
409
00:17:07,157 --> 00:17:09,027
[knocking]
410
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:11,331
[hollow thudding]
[door clanks]
411
00:17:11,332 --> 00:17:12,451
Remember when I told you
412
00:17:12,452 --> 00:17:14,871
I found something cool
at the warehouse?
413
00:17:16,208 --> 00:17:18,963
I have no memory of this door.
414
00:17:21,620 --> 00:17:23,355
[door creaking]
415
00:17:23,356 --> 00:17:28,433
Oh, my God, it's beautiful!
416
00:17:28,834 --> 00:17:31,371
[jetpack whooshes]
417
00:17:31,372 --> 00:17:33,342
You have no idea
how to use that thing.
418
00:17:33,343 --> 00:17:35,780
I have no idea how to do
most of the stuff I do.
419
00:17:35,781 --> 00:17:38,352
- [Pam] Are you sure you can catch up?
- Just give it a second.
420
00:17:38,353 --> 00:17:41,358
Think about Slater.
It's not enough for him to win.
421
00:17:41,359 --> 00:17:44,765
[dramatic music]
422
00:17:44,766 --> 00:17:46,602
I gotta tell him.
423
00:17:46,603 --> 00:17:49,207
Hey, dummy,
bring me back around.
424
00:17:52,815 --> 00:17:54,350
This is nuts.
425
00:17:54,351 --> 00:17:58,392
[mic screeches] [Slater] Just
so you know, I'm not CIA anymore.
426
00:17:58,393 --> 00:18:01,097
Jetpa... ahh!
427
00:18:01,098 --> 00:18:04,270
- Speaking of nuts.
- God, watch the propeller!
428
00:18:04,271 --> 00:18:07,743
Watch the human sashimi maker?
Got it!
429
00:18:08,580 --> 00:18:11,218
[both grunting]
430
00:18:13,590 --> 00:18:15,226
[yelling]
431
00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:18,096
Ah!
432
00:18:21,138 --> 00:18:22,774
[strained] A little help?
433
00:18:22,775 --> 00:18:24,511
How?
I can't see what's happening.
434
00:18:24,512 --> 00:18:26,716
Uh, Ray, get the
reflection out of my eye.
435
00:18:26,717 --> 00:18:28,653
I can't see.
Wait a second.
436
00:18:28,654 --> 00:18:30,791
Pam, your mirrors!
437
00:18:32,293 --> 00:18:33,593
[grunts]
438
00:18:34,297 --> 00:18:36,134
[growls]
439
00:18:36,135 --> 00:18:37,435
[flesh squelching]
[groans]
440
00:18:38,774 --> 00:18:39,808
[alarm beeping]
441
00:18:39,809 --> 00:18:40,844
[grunts]
442
00:18:40,845 --> 00:18:42,681
[cackles]
443
00:18:44,485 --> 00:18:46,656
[shouts]
444
00:18:52,300 --> 00:18:54,772
[Archer screaming]
445
00:18:56,843 --> 00:18:58,513
Ugh. Oh!
446
00:19:00,617 --> 00:19:02,120
[camera shutter clicking]
447
00:19:07,397 --> 00:19:11,138
- Oh, my God, he did it.
- Yeah, but, uh...
448
00:19:14,679 --> 00:19:15,780
[passerby exclaims]
449
00:19:15,781 --> 00:19:17,451
[person] Cuidado, cuidado!
450
00:19:21,325 --> 00:19:23,408
- Jesus.
- Well, it's not like
451
00:19:23,409 --> 00:19:25,457
it's the worst thing
that ever happened to him.
452
00:19:25,458 --> 00:19:26,758
[groans]
453
00:19:27,270 --> 00:19:30,877
- [laughs] I win again!
- You should have let it go.
454
00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:33,583
Let it go and miss this?
455
00:19:33,584 --> 00:19:36,655
Me, Sterling Archer,
beating you yet again?
456
00:19:36,656 --> 00:19:38,493
I'm so glad I didn't let it go.
457
00:19:38,494 --> 00:19:41,866
This is the best moment
of my life!
458
00:19:41,867 --> 00:19:45,339
- Why would I let it go?
- Why? [chuckles]
459
00:19:45,340 --> 00:19:47,376
You're about to find out why.
460
00:19:47,377 --> 00:19:50,349
[dramatic music]
461
00:19:50,350 --> 00:19:51,952
♪ ♪
462
00:19:51,953 --> 00:19:54,825
[electricity crackling]
463
00:19:58,700 --> 00:20:01,605
- Katya?
- Sterling, my darling.
464
00:20:01,606 --> 00:20:05,780
- I ache to see you.
- Well, I'm aching too, Katya.
465
00:20:05,781 --> 00:20:07,551
And I... I have to ask
before we do
466
00:20:07,552 --> 00:20:10,423
what I think we're about to do.
Does it still vibrate?
467
00:20:10,424 --> 00:20:14,765
That is not the ache I mean.
I ache because I must do this.
468
00:20:14,766 --> 00:20:16,802
[gunshot]
[cries out]
469
00:20:16,803 --> 00:20:19,273
[grunts]
470
00:20:19,274 --> 00:20:22,481
And, yes, it still vibrates.
471
00:20:28,426 --> 00:20:30,498
[person off screen]
Sterling Archer.
472
00:20:30,499 --> 00:20:33,235
- Code name: Duchess...
- No one calls me that.
473
00:20:33,236 --> 00:20:36,642
Known from Berlin
to Bangkok as the man
474
00:20:36,643 --> 00:20:39,782
who used to be the world's
most dangerous spy.
475
00:20:39,783 --> 00:20:42,253
Used to be?
Take off these chains,
476
00:20:42,254 --> 00:20:43,614
and that potato
on top of your neck
477
00:20:43,638 --> 00:20:45,392
is gonna used to be a face.
478
00:20:45,393 --> 00:20:47,363
Whoa, buddy.
No need for that stuff.
479
00:20:47,364 --> 00:20:50,235
- We all got job to do.
- And you're terrible at yours.
480
00:20:50,236 --> 00:20:51,939
These nipple clamps
are super pinch-y.
481
00:20:51,940 --> 00:20:53,543
Very unprofessional.
482
00:20:53,544 --> 00:20:56,515
Is that really your
big problem right now?
483
00:20:56,516 --> 00:20:58,385
Yes, because I care
about the craft.
484
00:20:58,386 --> 00:20:59,922
Yeah, the goth teen witch movie.
485
00:20:59,923 --> 00:21:03,078
- No.
- OK, so anything to say
486
00:21:03,079 --> 00:21:04,531
before I give you zip-zap?
487
00:21:04,532 --> 00:21:06,902
- What, with that golf cart battery?
- Go-kart.
488
00:21:06,903 --> 00:21:10,209
And that's not for you.
My go-kart need repair.
489
00:21:11,479 --> 00:21:13,549
That's a big battery.
490
00:21:13,550 --> 00:21:16,655
Ah, fun fact: they use this
to jump-start trains.
491
00:21:16,656 --> 00:21:18,559
That's the least fun fact
I've ever heard.
492
00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:20,295
I don't know if I've said it, but, uh,
493
00:21:20,296 --> 00:21:21,656
it really is good
to see you again.
494
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:24,282
Look, I get it. It's super
fun to trot out the battery
495
00:21:24,306 --> 00:21:26,442
that supposedly
jump-starts trains.
496
00:21:26,443 --> 00:21:28,847
- And airplanes.
- But we all know that if you
497
00:21:28,848 --> 00:21:30,600
attach that to a human,
he would instantly die,
498
00:21:30,601 --> 00:21:34,007
rendering it useless as an
interrogation tool, ergo you're bluff...
499
00:21:34,042 --> 00:21:36,829
[gibbering]
500
00:21:36,830 --> 00:21:38,432
I'm sorry.
I interrupted you.
501
00:21:38,433 --> 00:21:39,802
- [groans]
- Problem?
502
00:21:39,803 --> 00:21:43,709
Yeah, I just didn't think burning
nipples would smell like that.
503
00:21:43,710 --> 00:21:45,680
Well, maybe the smell
changes as we go.
504
00:21:45,681 --> 00:21:47,450
- What?
- Hit him again.
505
00:21:47,451 --> 00:21:51,228
[gibbering]
506
00:21:53,496 --> 00:21:54,731
[door squeaks open]
507
00:21:54,732 --> 00:21:56,569
[grunts]
[door slams]
508
00:21:56,570 --> 00:21:58,873
So maybe I'm unclear on
the order of operations here,
509
00:21:58,874 --> 00:22:00,877
but did you have any questions?
510
00:22:00,878 --> 00:22:03,348
I just wanted you to know
that I'm serious.
511
00:22:03,349 --> 00:22:04,949
You know, Slater,
a sternly worded letter
512
00:22:04,973 --> 00:22:07,491
- could do wonders.
- Rest up, Archer.
513
00:22:07,492 --> 00:22:09,327
I'd hate for you to die
when I do that again.
514
00:22:09,328 --> 00:22:10,768
[groans] I'd hate
both parts of that.
515
00:22:10,792 --> 00:22:12,032
Love to hear it.
516
00:22:12,033 --> 00:22:14,705
[grunts]
Get up, you wimp.
517
00:22:14,706 --> 00:22:16,007
[grunts, exhales heavily]
518
00:22:16,008 --> 00:22:17,878
OK.
Take inventory of the room.
519
00:22:17,879 --> 00:22:19,882
Find the tools. Improvise.
520
00:22:19,883 --> 00:22:22,654
I think one of those clamps
melted and fused into my nipple.
521
00:22:22,655 --> 00:22:24,357
But don't worry about that.
522
00:22:24,358 --> 00:22:25,527
And don't worry
about talking to yourself.
523
00:22:25,528 --> 00:22:27,464
That's not a symptom
of a brain injury,
524
00:22:27,465 --> 00:22:29,668
though you might not
remember if it is.
525
00:22:29,669 --> 00:22:33,341
Sterling, my darling,
what did they do to you?
526
00:22:33,342 --> 00:22:35,513
I quiver with sympathy.
527
00:22:35,514 --> 00:22:38,084
Do... don't say "quiver"
in that sexy voice.
528
00:22:38,085 --> 00:22:40,490
If my nipples get hard, uh,
I might die.
529
00:22:40,491 --> 00:22:44,765
I am so sorry.
It is just that seeing you like this...
530
00:22:44,766 --> 00:22:47,369
[sobs]
I did not know I could cry.
531
00:22:47,370 --> 00:22:52,012
- My cheeks are wet.
- I'm gonna pass out now.
532
00:22:52,013 --> 00:22:54,050
[thuds]
533
00:22:54,051 --> 00:22:56,087
So... what are we doing?
534
00:22:56,088 --> 00:22:58,058
Wait, wasn't there
some kind of UN thingy?
535
00:22:58,059 --> 00:23:02,767
- How's that going?
- This is the best moment of my life.
536
00:23:02,768 --> 00:23:05,372
[people murmuring angrily]
537
00:23:05,373 --> 00:23:08,946
I said, how's that going?
538
00:23:08,947 --> 00:23:12,086
Wait, am I invisible?
What's the sound version of that?
539
00:23:12,087 --> 00:23:16,060
In... visible.
No, I just said that.
540
00:23:16,061 --> 00:23:18,499
Look, I am working my network.
541
00:23:18,500 --> 00:23:21,538
- [gasps] I am invisible.
- If only.
542
00:23:21,539 --> 00:23:23,219
The UN vote on banning
private spy agencies
543
00:23:23,243 --> 00:23:25,647
is in two days, but that's
more than enough time to...
544
00:23:25,648 --> 00:23:28,719
Not what we're talking about.
And it's going to be fine.
545
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:31,825
- We've just got to find Archer.
- Look, I've got feelers out.
546
00:23:31,826 --> 00:23:34,564
Just like those
brine shrimp cats I made.
547
00:23:34,565 --> 00:23:37,028
- Or didn't.
- Krieger, did you figure out
548
00:23:37,029 --> 00:23:38,572
what that weird thing
we found was?
549
00:23:38,573 --> 00:23:40,977
[humming]
550
00:23:40,978 --> 00:23:43,081
No, but I have determined
that it's creepy
551
00:23:43,082 --> 00:23:46,822
- and possibly gross.
- So we've got, like, zero chance
552
00:23:46,823 --> 00:23:49,093
of finding Archer here, right,
or the bomb?
553
00:23:49,094 --> 00:23:50,814
- Yeah, probably.
- Yeah, that sounds right.
554
00:23:50,838 --> 00:23:54,671
- Did I hear the word "bomb"?
- Hey! No! Just no!
555
00:23:54,672 --> 00:23:56,609
- Yeah, but why no?
- Or how no?
556
00:23:56,610 --> 00:23:58,980
I don't know.
But we are not gonna sit here
557
00:23:58,981 --> 00:24:00,883
and stew in our failure juice.
558
00:24:00,884 --> 00:24:02,721
There's a loose bunker buster
out there.
559
00:24:02,722 --> 00:24:04,458
Do we know who has it?
No.
560
00:24:04,459 --> 00:24:06,862
Do we know where Archer is
or even if he's alive? No.
561
00:24:06,863 --> 00:24:08,599
Are we getting some
pretty awkward inquiries
562
00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:10,737
about our activities in Brazil?
Yes.
563
00:24:10,738 --> 00:24:12,507
See how she just slid
the bad news in there?
564
00:24:12,508 --> 00:24:14,478
Like a greased toboggan.
565
00:24:14,479 --> 00:24:16,482
The rest of our lives
may be doomed and empty,
566
00:24:16,483 --> 00:24:18,586
but, by God, we are going
to live the fuck
567
00:24:18,587 --> 00:24:21,124
out of these last few days
of doing what we are best at,
568
00:24:21,125 --> 00:24:23,629
what we were put
on this Earth to do.
569
00:24:23,630 --> 00:24:26,869
Krieger, figure out that orb.
Barry, help him.
570
00:24:26,870 --> 00:24:29,608
You are made of computer
or whatever.
571
00:24:29,609 --> 00:24:32,614
The rest of you, get me some
plausible bunker buster targets.
572
00:24:32,615 --> 00:24:34,484
Someone wants to use it
for some evil shit,
573
00:24:34,485 --> 00:24:35,887
and we are gonna
stop that evil shit
574
00:24:35,888 --> 00:24:38,726
because that is what we do!
575
00:24:40,931 --> 00:24:42,500
Sploosh.
576
00:24:42,501 --> 00:24:43,903
[door squeaks open]
I'm sorry.
577
00:24:43,904 --> 00:24:45,773
Slater said he wouldn't torture you.
578
00:24:45,774 --> 00:24:48,913
Well, I appreciate that.
It was incredibly painful,
579
00:24:48,914 --> 00:24:51,150
especially after someone shot me!
580
00:24:51,151 --> 00:24:54,959
Oh, Sterling, you're delirious.
That was me.
581
00:24:55,795 --> 00:24:58,164
[chuckles] You guys have a
4:00 p.m. dinner special here?
582
00:24:58,165 --> 00:25:01,170
What is this place?
Other than a KGB black site.
583
00:25:01,171 --> 00:25:03,642
Abandoned KGB black site.
584
00:25:03,643 --> 00:25:05,178
We've gathered allies
from every
585
00:25:05,179 --> 00:25:07,049
secret intelligence service
in the world.
586
00:25:07,050 --> 00:25:10,790
Retired, mostly.
So, yes, they are seasoned.
587
00:25:10,791 --> 00:25:14,498
We call ourselves... Silverwolf.
588
00:25:14,499 --> 00:25:16,200
Big evil supervillain plan.
Got it.
589
00:25:16,201 --> 00:25:18,773
So what are you gonna do,
blow up Pluto?
590
00:25:18,774 --> 00:25:20,094
Poison all the money
in the world?
591
00:25:20,118 --> 00:25:22,334
Some kind of giant
mystery thing that turns
592
00:25:22,335 --> 00:25:24,551
out to be an anticlimactic
real estate scam?
593
00:25:24,552 --> 00:25:27,657
[laughs]
Oh, no.
594
00:25:27,658 --> 00:25:29,561
We're not here
to destroy the world.
595
00:25:29,562 --> 00:25:31,064
We're here to save it.
596
00:25:31,065 --> 00:25:35,139
And you, my Sterling,
are going to help us.
597
00:25:35,941 --> 00:25:38,546
[Barry] And how exactly
does this help?
598
00:25:38,547 --> 00:25:40,917
Well, first, I'm gonna
get you hooked up here.
599
00:25:42,855 --> 00:25:45,793
Oh, this isn't an improvement.
600
00:25:45,794 --> 00:25:48,231
Huh, must be some residual
programming in there.
601
00:25:48,232 --> 00:25:51,204
Yeah, there's definitely some
residue in here, I would say.
602
00:25:51,205 --> 00:25:53,241
So I created a buffer
between you and the device
603
00:25:53,242 --> 00:25:55,580
so you can observe
the sphere's programming
604
00:25:55,581 --> 00:25:58,586
without contamination,
which will manifest
605
00:25:58,587 --> 00:26:00,923
as these kickass cyberpunk goggles.
606
00:26:00,924 --> 00:26:04,063
You'll be goggled in with the
wireheads for sure, choomba.
607
00:26:04,064 --> 00:26:05,700
And these will protect me?
608
00:26:05,701 --> 00:26:07,181
- I don't know.
- What does that mean?
609
00:26:07,182 --> 00:26:08,317
What do you want from me?
610
00:26:08,318 --> 00:26:09,941
Science isn't an exact science.
611
00:26:09,942 --> 00:26:12,847
- Oh, my God.
- There is no God here.
612
00:26:12,848 --> 00:26:14,618
Anyhoo...
613
00:26:14,619 --> 00:26:15,686
[goggles whirring]
614
00:26:15,687 --> 00:26:17,189
Ohhhhhh.
615
00:26:19,762 --> 00:26:21,632
You're trying to bring back
the Cold War?
616
00:26:21,633 --> 00:26:23,736
[Katya chuckles]
No, of course not.
617
00:26:23,737 --> 00:26:26,642
- But... yes.
- Yeah, I get it.
618
00:26:26,643 --> 00:26:28,683
I mean, who doesn't love
the constant looming threat
619
00:26:28,707 --> 00:26:29,748
of nuclear annihilation?
620
00:26:29,749 --> 00:26:31,652
Look at the world
that we live in.
621
00:26:31,653 --> 00:26:34,090
All these piddling
minor conflicts.
622
00:26:34,091 --> 00:26:36,995
All this peace
and money and... phones.
623
00:26:36,996 --> 00:26:38,732
So things were better
when they were worse?
624
00:26:38,733 --> 00:26:42,306
Exactly. This is becoming
a world without purpose,
625
00:26:42,307 --> 00:26:46,882
without meaning,
and without Sterling Archer.
626
00:26:46,883 --> 00:26:48,919
The U.S. government
will be voting yes
627
00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:51,658
on the proposal
to ban private spy agencies.
628
00:26:51,659 --> 00:26:53,729
We urge the world to join us.
629
00:26:53,730 --> 00:26:57,770
And in the words of my people,
how 'bout them Cowboys?
630
00:26:57,771 --> 00:27:00,342
Uh, there probably
won't even be more war.
631
00:27:00,343 --> 00:27:02,947
It'll be a staring contest.
632
00:27:02,948 --> 00:27:05,787
But the conflict will energize us
633
00:27:05,788 --> 00:27:07,757
and make us strong
and give us meaning.
634
00:27:07,758 --> 00:27:10,630
In a frictionless universe,
nothing happens.
635
00:27:10,631 --> 00:27:13,636
And you, uh... who even
are you in that world?
636
00:27:13,637 --> 00:27:18,746
That's ridiculous. I, uh...
do not have a counterargument.
637
00:27:18,747 --> 00:27:20,627
But what does that
have to do with torturing me?
638
00:27:20,651 --> 00:27:22,319
Slater and I,
we have, uh, mm,
639
00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:24,891
differences of opinion
sometimes. [chuckles]
640
00:27:24,892 --> 00:27:27,764
Sterling, it might not be now,
but sometime soon,
641
00:27:27,765 --> 00:27:29,668
you're going to have
to make a decision.
642
00:27:29,669 --> 00:27:33,374
One world includes you,
and the other does not.
643
00:27:33,375 --> 00:27:36,214
And... I have missed you.
644
00:27:36,215 --> 00:27:38,218
- You have?
- [Slater] Katya, what the hell?
645
00:27:38,219 --> 00:27:40,690
- We talked about this.
- Yes, we did.
646
00:27:40,691 --> 00:27:42,794
Can I speak to you outside?
647
00:27:42,795 --> 00:27:44,163
Did she give you the pitch?
648
00:27:44,164 --> 00:27:46,033
She's right.
You should join us.
649
00:27:46,034 --> 00:27:47,670
[grunts]
[groans]
650
00:27:47,671 --> 00:27:49,975
But unfortunately,
we don't let dead men join,
651
00:27:49,976 --> 00:27:54,083
so that may hinder
your onboarding process.
652
00:27:54,084 --> 00:27:55,252
[door slams]
653
00:27:55,253 --> 00:27:59,193
This is about to be unpleasant.
654
00:27:59,194 --> 00:28:01,364
[strained grunting]
655
00:28:01,365 --> 00:28:03,101
[suppressed scream]
656
00:28:03,102 --> 00:28:04,738
[breathing heavily]
657
00:28:04,739 --> 00:28:06,107
All right, where am I?
658
00:28:06,108 --> 00:28:07,810
Where am I?
659
00:28:07,811 --> 00:28:09,146
Phone, phone,
where's the phone?
660
00:28:09,147 --> 00:28:10,750
[sighs]
661
00:28:10,751 --> 00:28:13,315
Use the tool you have, I guess.
662
00:28:16,394 --> 00:28:18,732
Why is everybody looking at me?
663
00:28:18,733 --> 00:28:22,005
You're presenting the candidates
for a bunker buster target?
664
00:28:22,006 --> 00:28:24,243
Because you're our
demolitions expert.
665
00:28:24,244 --> 00:28:26,848
- Oh, cool.
- Is she getting worse?
666
00:28:26,849 --> 00:28:30,388
- I mean, could she?
- So it's a helix-type shaped charge
667
00:28:30,389 --> 00:28:33,394
capable of penetrating 30 to
40 feet of reinforced concrete
668
00:28:33,395 --> 00:28:36,969
with enhanced shockwave propagation
through the next hundred.
669
00:28:36,970 --> 00:28:39,874
What kind of facility would
need 40 feet of protection?
670
00:28:39,875 --> 00:28:41,395
We're looking
at nuclear missile sites,
671
00:28:41,419 --> 00:28:43,414
deep mine facilities, NORAD.
672
00:28:43,415 --> 00:28:45,285
[Ray] The problem is,
there's too many of 'em.
673
00:28:45,286 --> 00:28:46,855
So, what, dead end?
674
00:28:46,856 --> 00:28:48,893
Unless we get some kind
of message from God.
675
00:28:48,894 --> 00:28:52,132
[fax machine whirring]
676
00:28:52,133 --> 00:28:54,103
[upbeat jazz music]
677
00:28:54,104 --> 00:28:57,777
[Archer roars, grunts]
678
00:28:57,778 --> 00:28:58,979
[fire extinguisher clangs]
679
00:28:58,980 --> 00:29:02,386
[alarm blaring]
[wind howling]
680
00:29:02,955 --> 00:29:06,060
"Ha! Ha! I'm alive, you dorks!"
681
00:29:06,061 --> 00:29:07,764
682
00:29:07,765 --> 00:29:11,070
"No thanks to you, as I said, dorks.
683
00:29:11,071 --> 00:29:14,276
I'm going to do this by myself."
684
00:29:14,277 --> 00:29:16,437
Seriously, you're not even
gonna tell us where you are?
685
00:29:16,461 --> 00:29:20,288
Whoo!
[engine revving]
686
00:29:20,289 --> 00:29:22,894
Whoa!
[gunshots]
687
00:29:22,895 --> 00:29:24,296
♪ ♪
688
00:29:24,297 --> 00:29:25,298
[Archer grunts]
689
00:29:25,299 --> 00:29:26,768
[engine revs]
690
00:29:26,769 --> 00:29:28,271
[dull thud]
[rider grunts]
691
00:29:28,272 --> 00:29:30,308
[Archer] Whoo-hoo!
692
00:29:30,309 --> 00:29:32,079
[Lana] "Just kidding.
I'm in Sochi.
693
00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:33,081
Meet you here."
694
00:29:33,082 --> 00:29:34,818
695
00:29:34,819 --> 00:29:36,320
[sighs]
696
00:29:36,321 --> 00:29:37,322
"Dorks."
697
00:29:37,323 --> 00:29:38,826
[gunfire]
698
00:29:38,827 --> 00:29:41,364
Whoo-hoo!
699
00:29:41,365 --> 00:29:44,635
I am eternal!
Whoo!
700
00:29:48,328 --> 00:29:49,264
[plane flying]
701
00:29:49,265 --> 00:29:50,866
[thunder booming]
702
00:29:50,867 --> 00:29:52,236
[dramatic music]
703
00:29:52,237 --> 00:29:55,008
So do we know when the stewardess
is coming by or whenever?
704
00:29:55,009 --> 00:29:58,983
- There is no stewardess.
- Fine. Flight attendant.
705
00:29:58,984 --> 00:29:59,952
We can't fly commercial
because we're not supposed
706
00:29:59,953 --> 00:30:03,091
- to be leaving the country.
- Well, if we pull this off,
707
00:30:03,092 --> 00:30:04,728
maybe they'll let us
continue to exist.
708
00:30:04,729 --> 00:30:07,132
Save the world
to save ourselves.
709
00:30:07,133 --> 00:30:09,271
[door clicks open] Hey, you
all comfortable back here?
710
00:30:09,272 --> 00:30:11,408
- [all] Nope.
- Great, great, great.
711
00:30:11,409 --> 00:30:13,177
Didn't care anyway.
And it's about to get worse.
712
00:30:13,178 --> 00:30:14,848
We'll be coming up over land,
713
00:30:14,849 --> 00:30:16,918
so I'll have to hug the ground
to stay under radar.
714
00:30:16,919 --> 00:30:19,123
Need anything else to hug
while you're at it?
715
00:30:19,124 --> 00:30:20,526
Negative.
716
00:30:20,527 --> 00:30:22,062
- All right.
- So that's her type.
717
00:30:22,063 --> 00:30:23,932
[pilot] But before I do that,
I need to know,
718
00:30:23,933 --> 00:30:25,770
what's that doohickey?
719
00:30:25,771 --> 00:30:27,907
Because if I'm carrying
some kind of chemical agent
720
00:30:27,908 --> 00:30:30,145
or radioactive whatever
over several countries
721
00:30:30,146 --> 00:30:32,383
in violation of international law,
722
00:30:32,384 --> 00:30:34,454
I'd kind of like to know about it.
723
00:30:34,455 --> 00:30:36,792
It might be nothing,
or it might be the thing
724
00:30:36,793 --> 00:30:39,063
that will save us all.
725
00:30:39,064 --> 00:30:41,300
Or it might be
of medium importance.
726
00:30:41,301 --> 00:30:43,204
I'm just gonna stand here
and blink at you
727
00:30:43,205 --> 00:30:45,075
and wait for you
to get less stupid.
728
00:30:45,076 --> 00:30:49,283
- This is the Barry Matrix.
- Uh-huh.
729
00:30:49,284 --> 00:30:52,924
It contains the root consciousness
of the being known as Barry.
730
00:30:52,925 --> 00:30:56,230
OK, I'll bite.
Who's Barry?
731
00:30:56,231 --> 00:30:58,101
- That's me.
- Hi.
732
00:30:58,102 --> 00:31:00,338
Well, I don't want to know
any more about this,
733
00:31:00,339 --> 00:31:03,177
so I'm gonna go back to the cockpit.
One question.
734
00:31:03,178 --> 00:31:06,183
My copilot, does he always
sing when he flies?
735
00:31:06,184 --> 00:31:09,824
♪ He's a real pilot,
and he's flying the plane ♪
736
00:31:09,825 --> 00:31:12,229
Yeah, I think
you make him nervous.
737
00:31:12,230 --> 00:31:14,199
Yeah, well, a lot of this
makes me nervous.
738
00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:17,205
Not you.
That's a... cute dress.
739
00:31:17,206 --> 00:31:18,942
- Okey dokey.
- Interesting.
740
00:31:18,943 --> 00:31:20,583
Wait a second,
you still haven't explained
741
00:31:20,607 --> 00:31:22,383
why you had the Barry Matrix.
742
00:31:22,384 --> 00:31:24,521
Well, I can't say exactly,
but I've managed
743
00:31:24,522 --> 00:31:27,593
to piece together some of my
partially destroyed notes.
744
00:31:27,594 --> 00:31:30,499
Apparently, I started taking
night jobs for shady people
745
00:31:30,500 --> 00:31:32,340
- and then drugging myself...
- [Lana] Whatever.
746
00:31:32,364 --> 00:31:34,374
None of that matters, OK?
What matters is...
747
00:31:34,375 --> 00:31:36,578
[Archer] That I am the
absolute best at everything
748
00:31:36,579 --> 00:31:38,382
and I have defied death itself.
749
00:31:38,383 --> 00:31:40,318
I feel like someone
should sit you down
750
00:31:40,319 --> 00:31:42,990
- and explain hubris to you.
- Like I would listen.
751
00:31:42,991 --> 00:31:45,996
So all that research you guys did,
is there anything near here
752
00:31:45,997 --> 00:31:47,934
that qualifies as a target
for the bunker buster?
753
00:31:47,935 --> 00:31:49,871
There's a few nuclear facilities,
754
00:31:49,872 --> 00:31:53,010
maybe a base or two,
but still too many to be sure.
755
00:31:53,011 --> 00:31:54,811
And if they're trying
to restart the Cold War,
756
00:31:54,835 --> 00:31:57,420
- what would do that?
- Well, let's find out.
757
00:31:57,421 --> 00:32:00,024
Pam, Cyril, Cheryl,
go to that KGB black site
758
00:32:00,025 --> 00:32:01,395
to look for clues.
759
00:32:01,396 --> 00:32:03,196
They likely abandoned it
after Archer escaped.
760
00:32:03,220 --> 00:32:05,569
Secondary objective:
see if you can find my left nipple.
761
00:32:05,570 --> 00:32:07,874
Krieger, figure out how to
get Barry into your prototype.
762
00:32:07,875 --> 00:32:09,544
If Katya's around,
we're gonna need him.
763
00:32:09,545 --> 00:32:11,247
Ray, steal us a car.
764
00:32:11,248 --> 00:32:13,151
Why would you think
I know how to do that?
765
00:32:13,152 --> 00:32:15,389
Because all rednecks
know how to hot-wire cars.
766
00:32:15,390 --> 00:32:17,894
Yeah, 'cause it's so damn fun.
767
00:32:17,895 --> 00:32:20,966
- I'll get you a car.
- And the rest of us?
768
00:32:20,967 --> 00:32:22,570
Sochi is a playground
for Russia's rich.
769
00:32:22,571 --> 00:32:24,273
Archer, Zara, and I
will hit the casino
770
00:32:24,274 --> 00:32:26,143
to see if there are
any dignitaries in town.
771
00:32:26,144 --> 00:32:27,784
Maybe they're going after
important people
772
00:32:27,808 --> 00:32:29,049
to start the Cold War.
773
00:32:29,050 --> 00:32:30,386
- Any questions?
- Yeah.
774
00:32:30,387 --> 00:32:33,592
Is there a reason this safe house
sucks absolute turbo dog shit?
775
00:32:33,593 --> 00:32:36,465
Yeah, uh, we're out of money.
They froze our assets.
776
00:32:36,466 --> 00:32:37,934
I tried to move some out,
777
00:32:37,935 --> 00:32:39,571
but, ugh, obviously,
it wasn't much.
778
00:32:39,572 --> 00:32:41,541
So this is really happening, huh?
779
00:32:41,542 --> 00:32:44,547
- No more us?
- Hey, it's OK, all right?
780
00:32:44,548 --> 00:32:47,185
Uh, let's say theoretically...
not that I want this to happen,
781
00:32:47,186 --> 00:32:50,459
but theoretically... we lose
and there's another Cold War?
782
00:32:50,460 --> 00:32:52,329
Just another
staring contest, probably.
783
00:32:52,330 --> 00:32:55,936
But wouldn't there be a place
for us in that world?
784
00:32:55,937 --> 00:32:58,141
[dramatic music]
785
00:32:58,142 --> 00:33:00,946
All right, everybody.
Let's fucking go.
786
00:33:00,947 --> 00:33:03,919
[exciting jazz music]
787
00:33:03,920 --> 00:33:09,820
♪ ♪
788
00:33:11,735 --> 00:33:14,273
Why did we do it this way?
I'm great at gambling.
789
00:33:14,274 --> 00:33:16,143
Yeah, and I handle the money.
790
00:33:16,144 --> 00:33:19,316
[laughs]
This sucks so much for you.
791
00:33:19,317 --> 00:33:21,488
- Um, you're here too.
- Oh, right.
792
00:33:21,489 --> 00:33:23,357
Spread out, ding-dongs.
793
00:33:23,358 --> 00:33:24,594
[Lana]
And make it last, all right?
794
00:33:24,595 --> 00:33:26,195
We're here to look
for intel, not gamble.
795
00:33:26,219 --> 00:33:28,234
Ooh, with these minimums,
we might not last long.
796
00:33:28,235 --> 00:33:30,792
Are you kidding me? Gambling
is one of the many things
797
00:33:30,816 --> 00:33:32,643
I'm literally the best in the world at.
798
00:33:32,644 --> 00:33:36,116
[dice clatter] No, no, no!
These dice are loaded!
799
00:33:36,117 --> 00:33:37,954
I demand an independent arbiter!
800
00:33:37,955 --> 00:33:39,591
I didn't want to play anyway!
801
00:33:39,592 --> 00:33:41,093
[chips clatter]
802
00:33:41,094 --> 00:33:45,235
All right, this is your home, Cyril.
Papers in an office.
803
00:33:45,236 --> 00:33:47,239
This is where you shine and...
804
00:33:47,240 --> 00:33:49,978
ah, what do you know?
There's the nipple.
805
00:33:49,979 --> 00:33:53,251
Because this is all I need.
806
00:33:53,252 --> 00:33:56,257
My luck is turning,
and it is palpable, my friends.
807
00:33:56,258 --> 00:33:58,662
I've never felt so alive!
808
00:33:58,663 --> 00:34:01,401
Did you, uh, forget
that she's a gambling addict?
809
00:34:01,402 --> 00:34:05,008
- You know what? I did.
- Oh, well. Let's go to the bar.
810
00:34:05,009 --> 00:34:06,978
[Cyril] Hey, think I got
something here.
811
00:34:06,979 --> 00:34:08,682
Found a name
with background info.
812
00:34:08,683 --> 00:34:10,018
Looks like our target.
813
00:34:10,019 --> 00:34:12,289
Nice work, Cyril.
Meet back at the entrance.
814
00:34:12,290 --> 00:34:14,427
I've got one more room
to sweep.
815
00:34:14,428 --> 00:34:17,265
- Hey, buddy.
- Uh, hi?
816
00:34:17,266 --> 00:34:20,238
Mm, I assume you are
Archer comrade, yes?
817
00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:21,541
I was actually just leaving.
818
00:34:21,542 --> 00:34:25,649
Oh, that's too bad.
You actually were not.
819
00:34:25,650 --> 00:34:29,390
We will reconvene tomorrow for
our vote on private spy agencies.
820
00:34:29,391 --> 00:34:32,128
And may they be wiped
from this Earth.
821
00:34:32,129 --> 00:34:33,565
Isn't he supposed
to be impartial?
822
00:34:33,566 --> 00:34:35,703
I think that is the
impartial view at this point.
823
00:34:35,704 --> 00:34:37,373
So what are you gonna do?
824
00:34:37,374 --> 00:34:40,111
I'm gonna finish this mission.
What are you gonna do?
825
00:34:40,112 --> 00:34:41,448
Well, I'm gonna finish
this drink.
826
00:34:41,449 --> 00:34:42,783
[gulps, exhales heavily]
827
00:34:42,784 --> 00:34:46,190
- All right, let's go find Zara.
- [Lana] What's this?
828
00:34:46,191 --> 00:34:47,292
I don't know.
I haven't even read it.
829
00:34:47,293 --> 00:34:50,164
"Sterling, I figured you'd escape,
so I planted this on you.
830
00:34:50,165 --> 00:34:52,135
"It is for the best.
Slater would have killed you.
831
00:34:52,136 --> 00:34:54,507
"But I want you to return
to me, help me kill Slater,
832
00:34:54,508 --> 00:34:56,678
"and we will run
Silverwolf together.
833
00:34:56,679 --> 00:35:00,184
Partners, spies, lovers for good."
834
00:35:00,185 --> 00:35:03,124
That was...
more than I expected.
835
00:35:03,125 --> 00:35:05,085
Oh, come on, you're not
actually considering that.
836
00:35:05,109 --> 00:35:08,200
Of course I'm considering
it, Lana. I just heard it.
837
00:35:08,201 --> 00:35:09,470
That's what brains do
when you hear something,
838
00:35:09,471 --> 00:35:11,140
especially when you've
just been offered
839
00:35:11,141 --> 00:35:12,577
everything you want in life.
840
00:35:12,578 --> 00:35:14,212
Archer, you'd really
make the world worse
841
00:35:14,213 --> 00:35:17,052
- so it was better for you?
- Who says it'd be worse?
842
00:35:17,053 --> 00:35:19,056
Deep down, I know
you would never do that.
843
00:35:19,057 --> 00:35:22,095
Well, deep down, you've always
thought too highly of me.
844
00:35:22,096 --> 00:35:25,068
- I am gonna go get Zara.
- Tell her I said hi.
845
00:35:27,374 --> 00:35:30,746
- [dealer] Blackjack, for the lady.
- Go on, have it!
846
00:35:30,747 --> 00:35:32,416
Suck it! Suck it!
847
00:35:32,417 --> 00:35:33,719
Suck it!
848
00:35:33,720 --> 00:35:36,491
Come, we go.
Place is going to blow up soon
849
00:35:36,492 --> 00:35:37,760
to eliminate evidence.
850
00:35:37,761 --> 00:35:39,062
[both grunt]
851
00:35:39,063 --> 00:35:40,766
I do not like to fight lady.
852
00:35:40,767 --> 00:35:41,835
[grunts]
853
00:35:41,836 --> 00:35:44,106
But since you insist,
854
00:35:44,107 --> 00:35:47,245
did I ever tell you how
I become KGB enforcer?
855
00:35:47,246 --> 00:35:49,116
We literally just met.
856
00:35:49,117 --> 00:35:53,357
I was in gulag in Siberia
for, mm, series of crime.
857
00:35:53,358 --> 00:35:55,496
Warden of prison went insane.
858
00:35:55,497 --> 00:35:58,669
He opened all
the cell doors and said,
859
00:35:58,670 --> 00:36:02,108
one man will walk out
of this prison alive.
860
00:36:02,109 --> 00:36:04,714
And I was that man.
861
00:36:04,715 --> 00:36:07,352
[chuckles]
This is gonna be good.
862
00:36:08,522 --> 00:36:10,659
- [both grunt]
- Whoo-hoo!
863
00:36:10,660 --> 00:36:13,865
Excuse me, miss. We would
be honored if you'd join us
864
00:36:13,866 --> 00:36:15,803
in our high-roller room.
865
00:36:15,804 --> 00:36:20,111
- Let's do it, baby.
- Uh, I'm with her.
866
00:36:20,112 --> 00:36:23,318
Whoa, this is, like, every
military attaché and negotiator
867
00:36:23,319 --> 00:36:26,524
in every Chinese and Russian
briefing book I ever had.
868
00:36:26,525 --> 00:36:28,562
Can I?
Oh, oh, oh, can I?
869
00:36:28,563 --> 00:36:30,264
You did good, kid.
Go gamble.
870
00:36:30,265 --> 00:36:32,670
[Zara] Let's roll them bones.
871
00:36:32,671 --> 00:36:33,872
OK, let's see.
872
00:36:33,873 --> 00:36:35,509
So we know
who they're targeting,
873
00:36:35,510 --> 00:36:37,813
but how do we find out
where they're targeting?
874
00:36:37,814 --> 00:36:39,417
I... I could plant a bug.
875
00:36:39,418 --> 00:36:44,159
Maybe I steal a
chauffeur's uniform. Or...
876
00:36:44,160 --> 00:36:45,529
[burps]
877
00:36:45,530 --> 00:36:47,010
[electricity buzzing]
[Pam grunts]
878
00:36:47,034 --> 00:36:49,404
[Boris groans]
879
00:36:49,405 --> 00:36:50,706
[Pam grunts]
880
00:36:50,707 --> 00:36:54,447
Hey, I...
I don't want to fight no more.
881
00:36:54,448 --> 00:36:56,518
[exhales heavily]
Me neither.
882
00:36:56,519 --> 00:36:59,424
OK?
We stop on three, OK?
883
00:36:59,425 --> 00:37:01,728
- One...
- Two...
884
00:37:01,729 --> 00:37:03,330
[both] Three.
885
00:37:03,331 --> 00:37:05,736
Huh, I guess we could've just
always done that.
886
00:37:05,737 --> 00:37:08,408
- Da.
- Let's get the hell out of here.
887
00:37:08,409 --> 00:37:11,280
Well, hello there.
888
00:37:11,281 --> 00:37:13,385
[general groaning]
889
00:37:13,386 --> 00:37:14,721
[snapping fingers]
Hey. Hey, you.
890
00:37:14,722 --> 00:37:18,294
I would like to have sex...
with you.
891
00:37:18,295 --> 00:37:21,200
Give me the phone number
of where you are staying.
892
00:37:21,201 --> 00:37:23,705
[Zara] No! This is the
greatest streak in history.
893
00:37:23,706 --> 00:37:25,876
It can't end now.
Just give me one more chip.
894
00:37:25,877 --> 00:37:28,280
One more chip.
895
00:37:28,281 --> 00:37:30,318
[beeping]
896
00:37:30,319 --> 00:37:32,690
[explosion]
[all grunting]
897
00:37:33,926 --> 00:37:35,863
- Was that me?
- No, that was me.
898
00:37:35,864 --> 00:37:39,202
Oh, OK.
Do I know him?
899
00:37:39,203 --> 00:37:43,478
[Lana] Archer? Archer?
Archer.
900
00:37:43,479 --> 00:37:44,547
Archer!
901
00:37:44,548 --> 00:37:47,252
[sighs]
God damn it.
902
00:37:51,882 --> 00:37:54,721
[Lana] Gregaro Ivanovidovich
He's our guy.
903
00:37:54,722 --> 00:37:56,424
Structural engineering professor
904
00:37:56,425 --> 00:37:59,262
who also designed the Sochi dam
that opened last year.
905
00:37:59,263 --> 00:38:01,634
So they're gonna use this guy
plus the bunker buster
906
00:38:01,635 --> 00:38:03,338
to, what, blow up the dam?
907
00:38:03,339 --> 00:38:04,774
Sure looks that way.
908
00:38:04,775 --> 00:38:06,695
Kill the Chinese and Russian
delegations with it.
909
00:38:06,696 --> 00:38:08,296
Hey, what about
that phone number you got
910
00:38:08,320 --> 00:38:09,617
from the Russian general?
911
00:38:09,618 --> 00:38:11,721
Well, if we stop Silverwolf
from taking the professor,
912
00:38:11,722 --> 00:38:13,402
we'll have the credibility
for the Russians
913
00:38:13,403 --> 00:38:14,939
and the Chinese
to actually believe us.
914
00:38:14,940 --> 00:38:17,600
So they want to kill
the Russians and the Chinese
915
00:38:17,601 --> 00:38:19,236
and blame America?
916
00:38:19,237 --> 00:38:21,341
And I bet Slater knows
exactly how to do that.
917
00:38:21,342 --> 00:38:22,643
- [all groan]
- [Cheryl] Jesus.
918
00:38:22,644 --> 00:38:25,649
Shit, Ray, think you could've
stolen a car with actual shocks?
919
00:38:25,650 --> 00:38:27,920
Well, I couldn't exactly
give it a test-drive,
920
00:38:27,921 --> 00:38:29,490
- you ungrateful...
- [all groan]
921
00:38:29,491 --> 00:38:32,863
- Ah. So where's Archer?
- I don't know.
922
00:38:32,864 --> 00:38:35,302
He got a letter from Katya. I...
I think...
923
00:38:35,303 --> 00:38:38,842
- You think he's been compromised?
- No way. No... way.
924
00:38:38,843 --> 00:38:42,282
I mean... some way.
[chuckles]
925
00:38:42,283 --> 00:38:44,252
We can't assume
anything right now.
926
00:38:44,253 --> 00:38:45,956
We're gonna have
to do this without him.
927
00:38:45,957 --> 00:38:47,927
Hey, let's not
get distracted, team.
928
00:38:47,928 --> 00:38:50,399
Let's just grab Gregaro
before Silverwolf does.
929
00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:51,835
Oh-ho, sure.
930
00:38:51,836 --> 00:38:54,474
Just gonna slide
right into his spot, huh, Zara?
931
00:38:54,475 --> 00:38:57,613
Oh, lay off. It's not like
he never abandoned us before.
932
00:38:57,614 --> 00:39:00,619
After Katya died?
Come on!
933
00:39:00,620 --> 00:39:03,859
- Give the guy a break.
- OK, now I'm confused.
934
00:39:03,860 --> 00:39:06,431
[all talking at once]
935
00:39:06,432 --> 00:39:08,368
It doesn't matter!
936
00:39:08,369 --> 00:39:10,939
What matters is that we do
our jobs and save the world,
937
00:39:10,940 --> 00:39:13,512
and that's only gonna happen
if we stick together.
938
00:39:13,513 --> 00:39:16,351
- [all groan]
- God damn it, Ray!
939
00:39:16,352 --> 00:39:18,355
[clears throat]
940
00:39:18,356 --> 00:39:20,592
Who here speaks English?
[gun cocking]
941
00:39:20,593 --> 00:39:22,696
[Zara] Wow.
Thanks, cultural imperialism.
942
00:39:22,697 --> 00:39:25,870
We're here to prevent
a kidnapping. Pam, Zara.
943
00:39:26,672 --> 00:39:30,612
Um, it sure seems like
you are kidnapping me.
944
00:39:30,613 --> 00:39:31,848
We're really not.
945
00:39:31,849 --> 00:39:34,987
I would like to emphasize that we
are definitely not kidnapping him.
946
00:39:34,988 --> 00:39:37,827
We are taking him
to a safe, secret location.
947
00:39:37,828 --> 00:39:39,530
Sounds like kidnapping.
948
00:39:39,531 --> 00:39:41,868
So there's important
but subtle differences
949
00:39:41,869 --> 00:39:44,340
between what we're doing
and kidnapping,
950
00:39:44,341 --> 00:39:45,742
and, obviously, I don't have time
951
00:39:45,743 --> 00:39:47,780
to go into those in the middle of...
952
00:39:47,781 --> 00:39:50,886
- what looks like a kidnapping.
- Thank you, everyone.
953
00:39:50,887 --> 00:39:51,921
Have a good night.
954
00:39:51,922 --> 00:39:53,425
[door slams]
955
00:39:53,426 --> 00:39:56,598
Hey, I don't want to jinx it,
but all in all, not that hard.
956
00:39:56,599 --> 00:39:58,435
[explosion]
957
00:39:58,436 --> 00:40:00,706
[gunfire]
958
00:40:00,707 --> 00:40:02,843
Oh, damn.
That's really smart.
959
00:40:02,844 --> 00:40:04,947
- What?
- We're part of the plan.
960
00:40:04,948 --> 00:40:07,586
Oh, crap, the Americans
just kidnapped him,
961
00:40:07,587 --> 00:40:09,022
and then they take him from us.
962
00:40:09,023 --> 00:40:10,993
So wait.
Who are these people?
963
00:40:10,994 --> 00:40:14,467
- The actual kidnappers.
- So more of you guys?
964
00:40:14,468 --> 00:40:16,538
I already almost explained this.
965
00:40:16,539 --> 00:40:19,042
Alley, that way.
Move it.
966
00:40:19,043 --> 00:40:21,648
[gunfire]
967
00:40:21,649 --> 00:40:23,752
[dramatic music]
968
00:40:23,753 --> 00:40:25,622
[Cyril gasps] What now?
969
00:40:25,623 --> 00:40:27,063
[guns cocking]
[tires screeching]
970
00:40:27,064 --> 00:40:28,033
[Silverwolf goons grunt]
971
00:40:28,034 --> 00:40:29,897
Get in!
972
00:40:29,898 --> 00:40:32,670
[gunfire]
[tires squealing]
973
00:40:32,671 --> 00:40:34,511
I'd like you all to know
that this goes against
974
00:40:34,535 --> 00:40:37,346
- every instinct I have.
- That is so sweet.
975
00:40:37,347 --> 00:40:39,282
So you chose
the lame-ass world.
976
00:40:39,283 --> 00:40:42,456
No.
I chose... you guys.
977
00:40:42,457 --> 00:40:43,859
Look out!
978
00:40:43,860 --> 00:40:44,927
[Katya grunts]
979
00:40:44,928 --> 00:40:50,828
♪ ♪
980
00:40:51,509 --> 00:40:55,449
[all grunting and groaning]
981
00:40:55,450 --> 00:40:57,653
I am sorry that it
worked out this way.
982
00:40:57,654 --> 00:41:03,431
But the next time I see you,
I'm going to kill you all.
983
00:41:03,432 --> 00:41:05,502
[hook whooshing]
984
00:41:05,503 --> 00:41:09,343
So just to circle back, I...
I read your letter.
985
00:41:09,344 --> 00:41:11,314
Is it too late to change sides?
986
00:41:13,619 --> 00:41:14,919
What?
987
00:41:18,094 --> 00:41:21,301
This is the best moment of my life!
988
00:41:22,837 --> 00:41:24,574
That is wildly out of context.
989
00:41:24,575 --> 00:41:26,511
This is why no one
trusts the UN.
990
00:41:26,512 --> 00:41:28,448
Consider his face
as you cast your vote
991
00:41:28,449 --> 00:41:30,452
to outlaw private spying.
992
00:41:30,453 --> 00:41:34,560
A man in wanton disregard
of the international order,
993
00:41:34,561 --> 00:41:39,604
beholden only to himself
and his own twisted ego.
994
00:41:39,605 --> 00:41:41,507
Oh, and now you're
complimenting me?
995
00:41:41,508 --> 00:41:44,606
- Not looking great here.
- What, the fact that we're all
996
00:41:44,607 --> 00:41:46,784
about to be unemployable
or the mission?
997
00:41:46,785 --> 00:41:48,225
So since you brought up
the mission...
998
00:41:48,249 --> 00:41:49,790
Well, at least you're not a vacuum
999
00:41:49,791 --> 00:41:51,761
strapped to a jack-off machine.
1000
00:41:51,762 --> 00:41:53,798
Hey, some people would pay
big money for that.
1001
00:41:53,799 --> 00:41:55,435
Me!
I'm that people.
1002
00:41:55,436 --> 00:41:57,156
Don't you have some kind
of more appropriate
1003
00:41:57,180 --> 00:42:01,581
- attire for me?
- I mean, yeah, if you want that.
1004
00:42:01,582 --> 00:42:04,553
Whoa, so is that a spy suit
or a gimp suit?
1005
00:42:04,554 --> 00:42:05,923
Dealer's choice.
1006
00:42:05,924 --> 00:42:07,927
To review:
Slater and his old-ass spies
1007
00:42:07,928 --> 00:42:09,363
want to blow up the dam,
1008
00:42:09,364 --> 00:42:10,933
killing a bunch
of Russians and Chinese.
1009
00:42:10,934 --> 00:42:13,174
Then he'll blame it on the U.S.
and restart the Cold War,
1010
00:42:13,175 --> 00:42:15,145
because he thinks it's better
to run into the past
1011
00:42:15,146 --> 00:42:18,515
- than face the future.
- Can't we just tell the dam?
1012
00:42:18,516 --> 00:42:20,953
Slater's been calling in bomb
threats for the last six months,
1013
00:42:20,954 --> 00:42:22,856
so everyone
just ignores them now.
1014
00:42:22,857 --> 00:42:25,796
God, it sucks so much that he's
actually clever sometimes.
1015
00:42:25,797 --> 00:42:29,069
Archer, Zara, Ray, you'll go
in posing as dam inspectors.
1016
00:42:29,070 --> 00:42:32,409
Infiltrate, locate,
and defuse that bomb.
1017
00:42:32,410 --> 00:42:35,147
And is there a plan to defeat
the undefeatable death robot?
1018
00:42:35,148 --> 00:42:36,985
[Krieger]
The Barry prototype!
1019
00:42:36,986 --> 00:42:40,525
I'll just need a massive power
surge to jump his mind in there.
1020
00:42:40,526 --> 00:42:42,663
So we'll hook him up
to one of the dam's turbines.
1021
00:42:42,664 --> 00:42:44,934
Then I will become invincible.
1022
00:42:44,935 --> 00:42:46,404
Not if you're still wearing that.
1023
00:42:46,405 --> 00:42:48,575
- Mm. That bum, though.
- What about me?
1024
00:42:48,576 --> 00:42:49,910
Lot to be said for your bum too.
1025
00:42:49,911 --> 00:42:52,015
Pam, you and Cyril
will be team two.
1026
00:42:52,016 --> 00:42:53,976
Now, it's not on any map,
but there's a shantytown
1027
00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:55,522
that's right in the path
of the water.
1028
00:42:55,523 --> 00:42:57,025
You need to convince them
to evacuate.
1029
00:42:57,026 --> 00:42:58,561
Oh, come on!
1030
00:42:58,562 --> 00:43:00,932
Why me?
I want to do the shooty stuff.
1031
00:43:00,933 --> 00:43:03,805
I know it sucks, but you're
the only one everyone likes.
1032
00:43:03,806 --> 00:43:05,766
Yeah, it's not like
they're gonna listen to Cyril.
1033
00:43:05,790 --> 00:43:09,984
- Hey. I have useful skills.
- Like what, catching strays?
1034
00:43:09,985 --> 00:43:12,923
If we can pull this off,
maybe the UN doesn't ban us.
1035
00:43:12,924 --> 00:43:16,898
Look, what's most important
is making the world a better place,
1036
00:43:16,899 --> 00:43:19,770
which is what we have
been doing all along.
1037
00:43:19,771 --> 00:43:21,641
- All along what?
- [crying]
1038
00:43:21,642 --> 00:43:24,447
Hey. Hey, everyone.
Relax, OK?
1039
00:43:24,448 --> 00:43:25,949
Look, I feel for you guys.
1040
00:43:25,950 --> 00:43:27,886
Not everyone
has a skill set like me,
1041
00:43:27,887 --> 00:43:31,728
you know, able to thrive solo
in literally any situation.
1042
00:43:31,729 --> 00:43:33,798
And thank you
for that compelling summary
1043
00:43:33,799 --> 00:43:36,838
- of your dickfaceitude.
- Guys, it's over.
1044
00:43:36,839 --> 00:43:39,109
Did you think you were gonna do
this dubiously legal job
1045
00:43:39,110 --> 00:43:40,190
for the rest of your lives?
1046
00:43:40,214 --> 00:43:43,618
Just be like me, the fully
actualized person who's able
1047
00:43:43,619 --> 00:43:45,789
to express my feelings
by doing terrible things
1048
00:43:45,790 --> 00:43:48,528
to some presumably
bad guy's body!
1049
00:43:48,529 --> 00:43:50,766
Lana, briefing. Finish.
1050
00:43:50,767 --> 00:43:52,770
[groans]
1051
00:43:52,771 --> 00:43:54,774
There is no tactical retreat here.
1052
00:43:54,775 --> 00:43:57,479
So if we can get inside
with the disguises, great.
1053
00:43:57,480 --> 00:44:01,186
If we can't, these will
uncomplicate things very quickly.
1054
00:44:01,187 --> 00:44:02,056
Wait, how did you know
to bring that?
1055
00:44:02,057 --> 00:44:03,625
Damn it, Archer.
1056
00:44:03,626 --> 00:44:05,962
After all this time,
can you finally admit
1057
00:44:05,963 --> 00:44:08,143
I am good at my goddamn job?
1058
00:44:08,769 --> 00:44:11,846
No.
But it's a soft no.
1059
00:44:12,610 --> 00:44:14,580
Come on, that's progress!
1060
00:44:15,516 --> 00:44:17,953
[sneaky music]
1061
00:44:17,954 --> 00:44:19,590
♪ ♪
1062
00:44:19,591 --> 00:44:21,191
[Archer over radio]
Dam Team in position.
1063
00:44:21,215 --> 00:44:22,596
Team Shantytown, report.
1064
00:44:22,597 --> 00:44:24,533
[Cyril] Can we have
a cooler name, like Team...
1065
00:44:24,534 --> 00:44:26,604
Nope. Here we go.
1066
00:44:26,605 --> 00:44:28,608
One shot, or it's our last mission.
1067
00:44:28,609 --> 00:44:30,249
[Archer over radio]
In any number of ways.
1068
00:44:30,273 --> 00:44:32,750
And on that cheerful note,
it's go time.
1069
00:44:32,751 --> 00:44:35,822
Surprise dam inspection team,
under UN safety orders.
1070
00:44:35,823 --> 00:44:37,593
We're gonna need access
to the facility.
1071
00:44:37,594 --> 00:44:38,862
[doors slam]
1072
00:44:38,863 --> 00:44:41,534
- I'm sorry, what?
- Are you challenging us?
1073
00:44:41,535 --> 00:44:42,935
Look, I know people
see us at the UN
1074
00:44:42,959 --> 00:44:44,674
as dull, incompetent clods.
1075
00:44:44,675 --> 00:44:47,880
But we also happen to be
tremendous assholes.
1076
00:44:47,881 --> 00:44:49,517
No, it's not that.
1077
00:44:49,518 --> 00:44:51,788
Another team of inspectors
arrived an hour ago.
1078
00:44:51,789 --> 00:44:55,061
And these inspectors, hottest
Russian woman you've ever seen
1079
00:44:55,062 --> 00:44:58,133
and the world's biggest douche?
- He insulted my shoes
1080
00:44:58,134 --> 00:45:00,973
and implied I had relations
with a reindeer.
1081
00:45:00,974 --> 00:45:02,174
[dart gun fires]
[gurgling]
1082
00:45:02,198 --> 00:45:04,747
[gunfire]
1083
00:45:04,748 --> 00:45:08,822
- Warn us before you do that!
- I totally cocked an eyebrow.
1084
00:45:08,823 --> 00:45:11,961
[Pam] So nonverbally tell them
they're all about to die?
1085
00:45:11,962 --> 00:45:14,500
No, but we don't want to get
into a whole back-and-forth.
1086
00:45:14,501 --> 00:45:15,936
It might get hostile.
1087
00:45:15,937 --> 00:45:19,777
So... you are here
to tell us we must go?
1088
00:45:19,778 --> 00:45:23,017
[Cyril] Oh, thank goodness.
This is such a relief.
1089
00:45:23,018 --> 00:45:24,920
We thought that this
would be difficult, but...
1090
00:45:24,921 --> 00:45:26,524
[tense music]
1091
00:45:26,525 --> 00:45:30,966
...we can see that it won't be because
we would never ask you to leave.
1092
00:45:30,967 --> 00:45:33,070
[chuckling] Cargo shorts, nice.
1093
00:45:33,071 --> 00:45:36,477
Lots of storage in those
bad boys, am I right?
1094
00:45:36,478 --> 00:45:37,880
[gunfire]
[Archer grunts]
1095
00:45:37,881 --> 00:45:39,950
Lana, if you've got
some kind of secret plan,
1096
00:45:39,951 --> 00:45:41,788
now is probably the time.
1097
00:45:41,789 --> 00:45:44,860
- Cheryl, execute.
- What? Who is this?
1098
00:45:44,861 --> 00:45:46,129
[laughs] Just kidding.
1099
00:45:46,130 --> 00:45:47,733
[screams]
1100
00:45:47,734 --> 00:45:49,069
[alarm blaring]
1101
00:45:49,070 --> 00:45:50,605
All right, you've got
a window without police.
1102
00:45:50,606 --> 00:45:53,678
Cheryl's running distraction
and... hopefully not killing anyone.
1103
00:45:53,679 --> 00:45:55,319
I'd say may God have mercy
on their souls,
1104
00:45:55,343 --> 00:45:57,653
but what kind of god
would create Cheryl?
1105
00:45:57,654 --> 00:46:00,626
Gaze upon me!
1106
00:46:01,295 --> 00:46:03,264
Hey, guys, be careful
when you leave.
1107
00:46:03,265 --> 00:46:05,636
There's glass everywhere
for some reason.
1108
00:46:07,005 --> 00:46:08,575
[both grunt]
1109
00:46:10,546 --> 00:46:11,914
Quick, get Barry up and running!
1110
00:46:11,915 --> 00:46:14,687
Yeah, give me
that unimaginable power.
1111
00:46:14,688 --> 00:46:16,156
Bring the rain of pain.
1112
00:46:16,157 --> 00:46:19,964
[laughs maniacally]
1113
00:46:19,965 --> 00:46:21,734
What?
No. I'm cool.
1114
00:46:21,735 --> 00:46:23,672
- I'm cool.
- Uh-huh.
1115
00:46:25,074 --> 00:46:27,746
[grunts]
Please, I must implore you.
1116
00:46:27,747 --> 00:46:29,048
No, you mustn't.
1117
00:46:29,049 --> 00:46:30,819
Because she can snap
your pencil neck
1118
00:46:30,820 --> 00:46:33,258
like, well, a pencil, I guess.
1119
00:46:33,259 --> 00:46:35,195
[metallic creak]
Now, that's not a pencil,
1120
00:46:35,196 --> 00:46:37,900
but I think the idea translates.
1121
00:46:37,901 --> 00:46:40,221
[person over radio] Terrorists
have taken the turbine hall.
1122
00:46:40,245 --> 00:46:40,972
Do not engage.
1123
00:46:40,973 --> 00:46:42,453
Well, I was wondering
when those dorks
1124
00:46:42,477 --> 00:46:44,914
would make
their doomed stupid gesture.
1125
00:46:44,915 --> 00:46:47,085
Katya, bring them to me!
1126
00:46:47,086 --> 00:46:51,727
Uh, as a request and not an order,
because we are equal partners.
1127
00:46:51,728 --> 00:46:54,032
Man, you can take
the unkillable murder bot
1128
00:46:54,033 --> 00:46:55,969
out of the woman,
but you can't take the woman
1129
00:46:55,970 --> 00:46:59,643
out of the unkillable murder bot.
Am I right?
1130
00:46:59,644 --> 00:47:02,216
We built this dam with our hands.
1131
00:47:02,217 --> 00:47:04,152
Our great achievement.
1132
00:47:04,153 --> 00:47:07,192
We love it and never wish
to be away from it.
1133
00:47:07,193 --> 00:47:08,661
That is all very reasonable.
1134
00:47:08,662 --> 00:47:09,902
Well, I guess
we should go, Pam.
1135
00:47:09,926 --> 00:47:12,034
Reasonable?
When that dam comes down,
1136
00:47:12,035 --> 00:47:13,605
you'll all be reasonably dead.
1137
00:47:13,606 --> 00:47:14,907
[door bangs]
1138
00:47:14,908 --> 00:47:16,677
[Archer] Come on, Krieger!
1139
00:47:16,678 --> 00:47:18,918
Look, man, this surge is gonna
blow out the Barry matrix.
1140
00:47:18,942 --> 00:47:20,852
So if you die after this,
you die, die.
1141
00:47:20,853 --> 00:47:22,153
Do it.
1142
00:47:24,828 --> 00:47:28,668
1143
00:47:30,840 --> 00:47:33,678
[explosion]
1144
00:47:33,679 --> 00:47:35,916
He's alive. Alive!
1145
00:47:35,917 --> 00:47:37,217
[cackles]
1146
00:47:41,862 --> 00:47:43,932
[high-pitched]
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1147
00:47:43,933 --> 00:47:44,901
[splat]
1148
00:47:44,902 --> 00:47:48,340
- Krieger!
- What? I said it was a prototype.
1149
00:47:52,450 --> 00:47:54,653
[Katya]
I told you not to get involved.
1150
00:47:54,654 --> 00:47:57,091
No, You told us if you
saw us again, you'd kill us.
1151
00:47:57,092 --> 00:47:58,928
Not a helpful clarification.
1152
00:47:58,929 --> 00:48:00,999
You know Slater's
gonna betray you, right?
1153
00:48:01,000 --> 00:48:04,373
Even if he doesn't have a reason.
Just out of inherent dickishness.
1154
00:48:04,374 --> 00:48:06,410
But for now, he's a useful dick.
1155
00:48:06,411 --> 00:48:09,950
As you were once, my Sterling.
Barry?
1156
00:48:09,951 --> 00:48:11,721
What... happened to you?
1157
00:48:11,722 --> 00:48:15,060
Well, first I turned evil.
Then I killed you. [sighs]
1158
00:48:15,061 --> 00:48:16,931
Then you were my girlfriend.
Then I died.
1159
00:48:16,932 --> 00:48:18,234
Then there was a bunch of me.
1160
00:48:18,235 --> 00:48:20,137
Then I got split into good and evil,
1161
00:48:20,138 --> 00:48:22,943
and then I was a refrigerator
and killed evil me.
1162
00:48:22,944 --> 00:48:24,813
And now...
1163
00:48:24,814 --> 00:48:26,951
I'm gonna kick your ass, I think.
1164
00:48:26,952 --> 00:48:30,425
[yells]
1165
00:48:30,426 --> 00:48:31,827
[grunts]
1166
00:48:31,828 --> 00:48:34,233
Oof.
Like, seriously.
1167
00:48:34,234 --> 00:48:35,368
Oof, guys.
1168
00:48:35,369 --> 00:48:38,006
- Damn it, Krieger.
- Oh, sorry the sentient robot
1169
00:48:38,007 --> 00:48:41,447
I built in defiance of God
isn't up to your standards, Ray.
1170
00:48:41,448 --> 00:48:45,120
[all grunting]
1171
00:48:45,121 --> 00:48:48,093
[dramatic music]
1172
00:48:48,094 --> 00:48:49,897
[Ray] Hyah!
1173
00:48:49,898 --> 00:48:53,304
- Oh, robot legs. Right.
- Kick pants!
1174
00:48:53,305 --> 00:48:54,907
♪ ♪
1175
00:48:54,908 --> 00:48:56,711
Zara, get out of here.
Get to Lana.
1176
00:48:56,712 --> 00:48:58,248
I am not leaving a fight.
1177
00:48:58,249 --> 00:49:00,318
God damn it,
I never lose, obviously.
1178
00:49:00,319 --> 00:49:02,021
But this... isn't looking great.
1179
00:49:02,022 --> 00:49:05,127
So find Lana and do what she says.
1180
00:49:05,128 --> 00:49:07,299
Ag... because
she's the smart one.
1181
00:49:07,300 --> 00:49:10,037
How much personal growth
do you need? Go!
1182
00:49:10,038 --> 00:49:12,276
Had to pick this moment
to be noble, huh?
1183
00:49:12,277 --> 00:49:14,880
Yeah, I already regret it,
but I have a plan.
1184
00:49:14,881 --> 00:49:18,020
Ray, grab this cable.
We'll zap her when she gets out.
1185
00:49:18,021 --> 00:49:22,262
Hey, quick heads-up.
Those aren't electrified anymore.
1186
00:49:22,263 --> 00:49:24,199
♪ ♪
1187
00:49:24,200 --> 00:49:26,270
And we're from a private spy company,
1188
00:49:26,271 --> 00:49:28,408
and there is a bomb
planted in the dam!
1189
00:49:28,409 --> 00:49:30,779
We've heard
bomb threats before.
1190
00:49:30,780 --> 00:49:32,883
And how would you
know that anyway?
1191
00:49:32,884 --> 00:49:35,789
'Cause we're the ones who maybe
accidentally gave it to them.
1192
00:49:35,790 --> 00:49:39,930
Wait, you are the guys from Rio!
I saw you on TV.
1193
00:49:39,931 --> 00:49:42,803
Y'all have a TV here?
Is it behind the squalor?
1194
00:49:42,804 --> 00:49:46,780
[chuckles] We've got more than that.
Let me show you something.
1195
00:49:47,078 --> 00:49:48,781
[Cyril] Jeezy Petes.
1196
00:49:48,782 --> 00:49:50,050
- [grunts]
- Ha!
1197
00:49:50,051 --> 00:49:52,456
Welcome to a world of pa...
1198
00:49:52,457 --> 00:49:53,617
Ow!
[high-pitched ringing]
1199
00:49:53,641 --> 00:49:56,096
[all grunting]
1200
00:49:56,097 --> 00:49:57,432
[Barry yells]
1201
00:49:57,433 --> 00:49:59,503
Yeah! Go, tiny Barry!
1202
00:49:59,504 --> 00:50:00,905
Yeah, please don't
call me that, OK?
1203
00:50:00,906 --> 00:50:02,976
Get off!
Ugh!
1204
00:50:02,977 --> 00:50:04,780
[grunts]
Oh!
1205
00:50:04,781 --> 00:50:06,250
- Ooh!
- Oh, my God!
1206
00:50:06,251 --> 00:50:08,254
Ow. Oh, man.
1207
00:50:08,255 --> 00:50:12,161
Oh, no, man.
That's not good.
1208
00:50:12,763 --> 00:50:16,069
I-I don't suppose those
are the red eyes of love
1209
00:50:16,070 --> 00:50:17,472
you're looking at me with.
1210
00:50:17,473 --> 00:50:21,681
[Pam] Holy shitsnacks,
you're stealing power
1211
00:50:21,682 --> 00:50:25,154
- from the dam to mine crypto?
- They owe us.
1212
00:50:25,155 --> 00:50:27,225
We cannot just leave this all behind.
1213
00:50:27,226 --> 00:50:28,928
Well, that's all great,
1214
00:50:28,929 --> 00:50:30,966
but you're all gonna die
if you don't leave.
1215
00:50:30,967 --> 00:50:33,338
Without this,
what is out there for us?
1216
00:50:33,339 --> 00:50:34,840
There's something better
out there.
1217
00:50:34,841 --> 00:50:36,277
You've got to believe that.
1218
00:50:36,278 --> 00:50:37,946
You've done incredible work here,
1219
00:50:37,947 --> 00:50:40,385
maybe the most important work
of your lives.
1220
00:50:40,386 --> 00:50:44,125
But maybe, just maybe...
it isn't.
1221
00:50:44,126 --> 00:50:46,831
And how great would it be
if it isn't
1222
00:50:46,832 --> 00:50:49,035
and the best is still out there?
1223
00:50:49,036 --> 00:50:50,905
- Oh, my God.
- Hey, uh, do I have
1224
00:50:50,906 --> 00:50:52,376
- to be here for this?
- Shh!
1225
00:50:52,377 --> 00:50:55,472
If I get your money out, can you
convince your people to get out?
1226
00:50:55,496 --> 00:50:56,550
You can do that?
1227
00:50:56,551 --> 00:50:59,256
I happen to be
a kick-ass accountant.
1228
00:50:59,257 --> 00:51:02,429
- Unlicensed.
- Look, if you can do that,
1229
00:51:02,430 --> 00:51:03,898
we will give you guys a cut.
1230
00:51:03,899 --> 00:51:05,235
[Lana over radio] Pam,
I've lost contact with Archer.
1231
00:51:05,236 --> 00:51:06,476
- What?
- [Lana] I need you to...
1232
00:51:06,500 --> 00:51:08,274
Don't worry.
Aunt Pammy's coming.
1233
00:51:08,275 --> 00:51:10,144
Find me a back way
into that place.
1234
00:51:10,145 --> 00:51:11,981
And get me some wheels.
1235
00:51:11,982 --> 00:51:12,983
[exciting music]
1236
00:51:12,984 --> 00:51:16,857
Pampaaaage!
1237
00:51:16,858 --> 00:51:18,294
♪ ♪
1238
00:51:18,295 --> 00:51:19,975
- [Barry grunts]
- [Archer] I can't believe
1239
00:51:19,999 --> 00:51:21,300
- you're doing this.
- What?
1240
00:51:21,301 --> 00:51:23,304
Tying you up is really
the established move here.
1241
00:51:23,305 --> 00:51:24,907
Not that, the dam.
1242
00:51:24,908 --> 00:51:26,668
You're really gonna wipe out
a whole village?
1243
00:51:26,692 --> 00:51:28,414
What village?
There's no village.
1244
00:51:28,415 --> 00:51:31,152
We're just going to kill
a bunch of old generals.
1245
00:51:31,153 --> 00:51:32,889
The world should thank us.
1246
00:51:32,890 --> 00:51:35,060
It's not gonna be on the map
because it's a squatter
1247
00:51:35,061 --> 00:51:37,265
town of workers who built the dam.
1248
00:51:37,266 --> 00:51:40,271
- Slater, there's a village?
- Oh, come on.
1249
00:51:40,272 --> 00:51:41,874
[electricity crackles]
[groans]
1250
00:51:41,875 --> 00:51:44,279
Look, betrayal is a subtle art,
1251
00:51:44,280 --> 00:51:47,084
and you guys are just really
messing up my timing here.
1252
00:51:47,085 --> 00:51:49,490
Though I guess that's all
water under the bridge.
1253
00:51:49,491 --> 00:51:53,029
Or, you know,
over your lifeless corpses.
1254
00:51:53,030 --> 00:51:56,069
- I can't move.
- Yeah, well, perils
1255
00:51:56,070 --> 00:51:58,341
of having a switch
that does that, honey.
1256
00:51:58,342 --> 00:52:00,077
Slater, why are you
even doing this?
1257
00:52:00,078 --> 00:52:01,580
How does the Cold War help you?
1258
00:52:01,581 --> 00:52:03,918
Come on, I've been
preparing this for years.
1259
00:52:03,919 --> 00:52:05,522
I've got moles
planted everywhere.
1260
00:52:05,523 --> 00:52:09,062
I'll be selling information both
ways, undermining governments.
1261
00:52:09,063 --> 00:52:11,166
Everything goes through me.
1262
00:52:11,167 --> 00:52:14,038
I am the new world order.
1263
00:52:14,340 --> 00:52:16,911
OK, so... enjoy exploding.
1264
00:52:16,912 --> 00:52:19,983
- Yeah, well, I'm not gonna.
- Really?
1265
00:52:19,984 --> 00:52:21,344
It's the last comeback
of your life
1266
00:52:21,368 --> 00:52:23,458
and that's all you've got?
[sighs]
1267
00:52:23,459 --> 00:52:25,528
That actually makes me
a little sad, but...
1268
00:52:25,529 --> 00:52:27,332
and immediately happy again.
1269
00:52:27,333 --> 00:52:29,269
♪ ♪
1270
00:52:29,270 --> 00:52:30,570
[door bangs]
1271
00:52:30,973 --> 00:52:33,244
- Where is everyone?
- Still inside.
1272
00:52:33,245 --> 00:52:35,205
It wasn't looking good,
so Archer sent me up here.
1273
00:52:35,229 --> 00:52:36,951
What?
We have to go get them.
1274
00:52:36,952 --> 00:52:39,088
Lana, wait.
That's not why he sent me.
1275
00:52:39,089 --> 00:52:41,059
Didn't you say making
the world a better place
1276
00:52:41,060 --> 00:52:44,132
- was most important?
- What? Come on, I just said that!
1277
00:52:44,133 --> 00:52:45,733
I didn't think
it would actually come up!
1278
00:52:45,757 --> 00:52:47,104
I can't believe I'm saying this,
1279
00:52:47,105 --> 00:52:49,343
but trust him,
because he trusts you.
1280
00:52:49,344 --> 00:52:51,413
- What's the plan?
- OK, all right.
1281
00:52:51,414 --> 00:52:53,217
We set up an ambush.
If the dam breaks,
1282
00:52:53,218 --> 00:52:54,553
they don't want to be down,
so they're gonna go up.
1283
00:52:54,554 --> 00:52:56,357
Stop Slater. Get the detonator.
1284
00:52:56,358 --> 00:52:58,126
Prevent the Cold War.
I'm in.
1285
00:52:58,127 --> 00:52:59,527
Ugh, I just wish
we had some backup.
1286
00:52:59,551 --> 00:53:01,967
We do.
Cheryl?
1287
00:53:01,968 --> 00:53:04,540
[laughs]
Lana, stop dicking around.
1288
00:53:04,541 --> 00:53:07,512
Could you imagine if Cheryl
was the only backup at...
1289
00:53:07,513 --> 00:53:10,385
oh, shit, you're serious.
1290
00:53:10,386 --> 00:53:12,255
[Barry grunts]
No, no.
1291
00:53:12,256 --> 00:53:14,226
It doesn't end like this.
1292
00:53:14,227 --> 00:53:16,230
[yells]
1293
00:53:16,231 --> 00:53:17,566
[grunts]
1294
00:53:17,567 --> 00:53:19,570
[helicopter rotors whirring]
1295
00:53:19,571 --> 00:53:21,640
[grunting]
1296
00:53:21,641 --> 00:53:25,715
♪ ♪
1297
00:53:25,716 --> 00:53:29,121
[grunting]
1298
00:53:29,122 --> 00:53:33,464
[laughing maniacally]
1299
00:53:33,465 --> 00:53:37,539
♪ ♪
1300
00:53:37,540 --> 00:53:38,840
[Barry grunting]
1301
00:53:40,044 --> 00:53:42,682
Sorry, guys.
I can't make it.
1302
00:53:42,683 --> 00:53:44,185
I got you, little fella.
1303
00:53:44,186 --> 00:53:46,323
Pam!
Ugh, don't call me that.
1304
00:53:46,324 --> 00:53:48,194
[laughs maniacally]
Ooh!
1305
00:53:48,195 --> 00:53:49,463
♪ ♪
1306
00:53:49,464 --> 00:53:50,665
[engine revs]
[explosion]
1307
00:53:50,666 --> 00:53:52,669
[all grunt]
1308
00:53:52,670 --> 00:53:54,005
♪ ♪
1309
00:53:54,006 --> 00:53:56,610
Ow!
That really hurt.
1310
00:53:56,611 --> 00:53:58,548
[gunshot]
Stupid ground.
1311
00:53:58,549 --> 00:54:02,322
[laughs] God damn it, Pam.
Why are you always the best?
1312
00:54:02,323 --> 00:54:04,091
Why don't you ask your face?
1313
00:54:04,092 --> 00:54:05,461
♪ ♪
1314
00:54:05,462 --> 00:54:09,203
- Barry, I'm so sorry.
- Hey, babe.
1315
00:54:09,204 --> 00:54:11,440
You look really big.
1316
00:54:11,441 --> 00:54:13,511
[dart guns firing]
1317
00:54:13,512 --> 00:54:15,348
[grunts]
1318
00:54:15,349 --> 00:54:16,450
[gunfire]
1319
00:54:16,451 --> 00:54:17,652
A bit outgunned here.
1320
00:54:17,653 --> 00:54:20,458
- Cover me!
- Cover you? Cover you where?
1321
00:54:20,459 --> 00:54:22,295
[Lana grunts]
[Cyril groans]
1322
00:54:22,296 --> 00:54:23,598
[laughs]
I did it!
1323
00:54:23,599 --> 00:54:25,735
I really did it!
Whoo-hoo!
1324
00:54:25,736 --> 00:54:28,441
- Now let's get the hell out of here.
- Oh, right, death!
1325
00:54:28,442 --> 00:54:31,265
Barry, hold on to my CPU.
1326
00:54:31,781 --> 00:54:33,351
[grunts]
1327
00:54:33,352 --> 00:54:37,124
[yells]
1328
00:54:37,125 --> 00:54:39,162
[explosion]
[grunts]
1329
00:54:39,864 --> 00:54:42,235
[Katya and Barry] We have
merged our consciousness.
1330
00:54:42,236 --> 00:54:46,210
Now witness the true power
of Katbar.
1331
00:54:46,211 --> 00:54:48,011
- [Katya] Left.
- [Barry] No, no. I'm leading.
1332
00:54:48,012 --> 00:54:49,972
- [Katya] Left, then right.
- [Barry] I'm leading.
1333
00:54:49,996 --> 00:54:52,255
This is like the worst
three-legged race of all time.
1334
00:54:52,256 --> 00:54:55,628
[grunts] Slater, you are gonna
give me that detonator,
1335
00:54:55,629 --> 00:54:58,334
or I'm gonna pull your trachea out
1336
00:54:58,335 --> 00:55:00,204
through your dick hole!
1337
00:55:00,205 --> 00:55:01,674
[Slater laughs]
1338
00:55:01,675 --> 00:55:04,346
Detonator?
You think there's a detonator?
1339
00:55:04,347 --> 00:55:07,252
What am I, an amateur?
Jesus, Lana.
1340
00:55:07,253 --> 00:55:09,222
You use detonators
when you want there to be
1341
00:55:09,223 --> 00:55:11,360
an option to explode or not.
1342
00:55:11,361 --> 00:55:13,631
You use a timer when you...
1343
00:55:13,632 --> 00:55:16,069
[explosion]
1344
00:55:20,177 --> 00:55:23,384
[muffled explosion]
1345
00:55:23,385 --> 00:55:27,359
[concrete cracking]
[dramatic music]
1346
00:55:27,360 --> 00:55:31,165
♪ ♪
1347
00:55:31,166 --> 00:55:33,504
[phone ringing]
1348
00:55:33,505 --> 00:55:35,642
That sound you just heard
was the dam bursting.
1349
00:55:35,643 --> 00:55:38,146
Get everyone out now!
1350
00:55:38,147 --> 00:55:40,251
No, I'm not a lady.
1351
00:55:40,252 --> 00:55:42,789
[water rushing]
1352
00:55:42,790 --> 00:55:44,793
[Lana grunts, screams]
1353
00:55:46,631 --> 00:55:48,111
Hasn't this guy
ever heard of a buffer
1354
00:55:48,135 --> 00:55:51,206
- on his goddamn time bomb?
- Ah, don't worry.
1355
00:55:51,207 --> 00:55:53,277
I'll tell everyone
how I tried to stop you.
1356
00:55:53,278 --> 00:55:55,348
Enjoy prison, buddy.
1357
00:55:55,349 --> 00:55:57,452
You used the "enjoy" line
already, Slater!
1358
00:55:57,453 --> 00:56:00,291
- Archer, don't do it.
- Who would I be if I didn't?
1359
00:56:00,292 --> 00:56:02,332
Besides, you know I'm the best
when saving the world
1360
00:56:02,356 --> 00:56:04,693
happens to coincide
with being super petty.
1361
00:56:05,869 --> 00:56:08,441
[yells]
[grunts]
1362
00:56:08,442 --> 00:56:10,211
[blows landing]
1363
00:56:10,212 --> 00:56:13,317
[groans]
[grunting]
1364
00:56:13,318 --> 00:56:15,421
[concrete cracking]
1365
00:56:15,422 --> 00:56:17,459
Goodbye, Archer.
1366
00:56:17,460 --> 00:56:20,431
No!
I... hate... goodbyes!
1367
00:56:20,432 --> 00:56:22,902
[concrete crumbles]
1368
00:56:22,903 --> 00:56:24,840
[Slater grunts]
1369
00:56:24,841 --> 00:56:26,477
Help me!
1370
00:56:26,478 --> 00:56:28,781
[chuckles]
Why would I do that?
1371
00:56:28,782 --> 00:56:30,251
[Slater] Because I know...
1372
00:56:30,252 --> 00:56:31,732
- who your father is.
- [Archer] What?
1373
00:56:31,733 --> 00:56:32,968
What, you don't think the CIA
1374
00:56:32,969 --> 00:56:35,361
ever ran your DNA
through our database?
1375
00:56:35,362 --> 00:56:37,565
I-I mean, that does accord
1376
00:56:37,566 --> 00:56:39,603
with my sense
of my own importance.
1377
00:56:39,604 --> 00:56:41,573
I looked it up and deleted it.
1378
00:56:41,574 --> 00:56:44,312
I'm the only one who knows.
I did it for leverage.
1379
00:56:44,313 --> 00:56:46,250
God, it sucks
that you're clever sometimes!
1380
00:56:46,251 --> 00:56:48,320
Hey, if you don't save me,
1381
00:56:48,321 --> 00:56:50,224
you'll never know
your father's identity.
1382
00:56:50,225 --> 00:56:51,527
[concrete crumbles]
1383
00:56:51,528 --> 00:56:54,866
♪ ♪
1384
00:56:54,867 --> 00:56:57,539
Slater, turns out,
I don't need to know.
1385
00:56:57,540 --> 00:57:02,248
Oh, that is such horseshiiiiit!
1386
00:57:02,249 --> 00:57:04,653
But hey, enjoy falling.
1387
00:57:04,654 --> 00:57:08,327
Hey, Slater, now I'm your daddy!
1388
00:57:08,328 --> 00:57:11,367
Ha! Wait, no, didn't say that.
No one heard it.
1389
00:57:11,368 --> 00:57:12,968
It was the "enjoy" line
and then nothing.
1390
00:57:12,992 --> 00:57:14,695
That's what ended it.
That's all I said.
1391
00:57:15,575 --> 00:57:19,750
And the final tally:
172 to 21.
1392
00:57:19,751 --> 00:57:22,822
Private spy agencies are outlawed.
1393
00:57:22,823 --> 00:57:24,760
[applause over TV]
God damn it.
1394
00:57:24,761 --> 00:57:26,363
[all groan]
1395
00:57:26,364 --> 00:57:28,267
[clears throat]
1396
00:57:28,268 --> 00:57:30,405
Uh, little surprise for you all.
1397
00:57:30,406 --> 00:57:33,377
We got a cut
of that shantytown's crypto,
1398
00:57:33,378 --> 00:57:36,250
and we're all... millionaires!
1399
00:57:36,251 --> 00:57:37,385
[all cheer]
1400
00:57:37,386 --> 00:57:39,389
[phone beeps]
What? No!
1401
00:57:39,390 --> 00:57:41,226
Sell.
Sell, sell, sell!
1402
00:57:41,227 --> 00:57:44,900
[sighs] Well, we... we all
have... a little bit of money.
1403
00:57:44,901 --> 00:57:46,770
- All right.
- Hooray.
1404
00:57:46,771 --> 00:57:47,972
OK, here's my pitch.
1405
00:57:47,973 --> 00:57:50,511
We use your money
to fund my research
1406
00:57:50,512 --> 00:57:53,651
to colonize the moon...
with werewolves.
1407
00:57:53,652 --> 00:57:56,523
Think about it.
The moon is always full there.
1408
00:57:56,524 --> 00:58:01,767
- Ooh. I'm liking it.
- You are the biggest bunch
1409
00:58:01,768 --> 00:58:05,741
of undisciplined, petty weirdos
I have ever met.
1410
00:58:05,742 --> 00:58:09,282
And, my God,
it has been an honor.
1411
00:58:09,283 --> 00:58:13,591
- Thousand pound this is a bull's-eye.
- Make it five! [belches]
1412
00:58:14,092 --> 00:58:15,928
Ow!
Damn it, Zara!
1413
00:58:15,929 --> 00:58:17,665
- [laughs]
- [Zara] Yes! That counts!
1414
00:58:17,666 --> 00:58:19,803
Guys. Guys!
1415
00:58:19,804 --> 00:58:22,442
Hey, jackasses!
1416
00:58:22,443 --> 00:58:24,279
OK, sorry.
Sorry, that was harsh.
1417
00:58:24,280 --> 00:58:25,680
I just wanted to say
that, you know,
1418
00:58:25,681 --> 00:58:27,183
we did something
really good today.
1419
00:58:27,184 --> 00:58:30,591
And yeah, we fucked up before... a lot.
1420
00:58:30,592 --> 00:58:32,462
But we've done a lot of good too.
1421
00:58:32,463 --> 00:58:34,733
And... and maybe we all gave up
a lot of stuff to do it,
1422
00:58:34,734 --> 00:58:37,305
you know, like...
like normal lives and...
1423
00:58:37,306 --> 00:58:40,912
healthy relationships
and not having all these scars.
1424
00:58:40,913 --> 00:58:43,651
But the thing is,
I'm proud of these scars.
1425
00:58:43,652 --> 00:58:47,358
I'm proud of us.
And I know Malory would be too.
1426
00:58:47,359 --> 00:58:49,830
But you know what?
Life is not over yet, OK?
1427
00:58:49,831 --> 00:58:51,467
You guys are gonna do
great new things
1428
00:58:51,468 --> 00:58:53,036
you haven't even thought of.
1429
00:58:53,037 --> 00:58:55,308
And... and so am I.
1430
00:58:55,309 --> 00:58:56,710
And I'm trying really hard
to convince myself
1431
00:58:56,711 --> 00:58:59,616
of that right now, but I...
I really think I believe it.
1432
00:58:59,617 --> 00:59:00,985
And you should too.
1433
00:59:00,986 --> 00:59:03,724
'Cause I love you guys, all of you.
1434
00:59:03,725 --> 00:59:05,528
And you deserve all of the happiness
1435
00:59:05,529 --> 00:59:07,866
this fucked-up world can give you.
1436
00:59:07,867 --> 00:59:09,536
[crying]
[all talking at once]
1437
00:59:09,537 --> 00:59:11,057
[Krieger]
I would miss you guys so much
1438
00:59:11,081 --> 00:59:13,644
if I didn't have clones
of all of you.
1439
00:59:13,645 --> 00:59:15,414
Hey, Archer,
what are you gonna...
1440
00:59:15,415 --> 00:59:17,952
- Archer?
- Where'd he go?
1441
00:59:17,953 --> 00:59:20,056
[somber music]
1442
00:59:20,057 --> 00:59:22,017
[Katya and Archer moaning]
[springs squeaking]
1443
00:59:22,041 --> 00:59:25,033
- [Katya] Oh, Sterling.
- [Archer] Oh. Oh, Katya.
1444
00:59:25,034 --> 00:59:26,334
It's even better
than I imagined.
1445
00:59:26,338 --> 00:59:27,772
[Katya moans]
1446
00:59:27,773 --> 00:59:30,745
[Barry] This is mind-blowing.
I mean, wow.
1447
00:59:30,746 --> 00:59:32,482
Barry, I'm gonna need you
to stop talking.
1448
00:59:32,483 --> 00:59:35,354
- Oh, but it's so different.
- Stop talking!
1449
00:59:35,355 --> 00:59:37,525
[springs squeaking]
1450
00:59:37,526 --> 00:59:39,362
OK, start talking again.
1451
00:59:39,363 --> 00:59:41,500
That was actually
really working for me.
1452
00:59:41,501 --> 00:59:45,975
[all moaning]
1453
00:59:45,976 --> 00:59:48,548
- [Barry] Whoa-ho! Oh, yeah!
- [Archer] Oh!
1454
00:59:51,821 --> 00:59:54,559
[mellow jazzy music]
1455
00:59:54,560 --> 00:59:56,496
♪ ♪
1456
00:59:56,497 --> 00:59:57,765
[elevator bell dings]
1457
00:59:57,766 --> 01:00:00,638
Not sure what you're looking
for, but we're closed.
1458
01:00:00,639 --> 01:00:02,909
Oh, I'm looking for you,
Ms. Kane.
1459
01:00:02,910 --> 01:00:06,383
Have you seen
Sterling Archer recently?
1460
01:00:06,384 --> 01:00:08,988
[chuckles] Have you?
He disappeared after Sochi.
1461
01:00:08,989 --> 01:00:11,109
I hear he's been on quite
the tear of rogue espionage.
1462
01:00:11,133 --> 01:00:14,399
Yes, well, we were hoping
you might help us with that.
1463
01:00:14,400 --> 01:00:16,068
And "we" is?
1464
01:00:16,069 --> 01:00:19,676
I represent a new joint
CIA-MI6 coordinating group.
1465
01:00:19,677 --> 01:00:21,813
Private spying
may be a thing of the past,
1466
01:00:21,814 --> 01:00:24,084
but the world's still
a complicated place.
1467
01:00:24,085 --> 01:00:26,823
Sometimes flexible solutions
are needed.
1468
01:00:26,824 --> 01:00:30,998
- That's who "we" is.
- So private spying is dead,
1469
01:00:30,999 --> 01:00:33,671
but sometimes you need
someone nonpublic.
1470
01:00:33,672 --> 01:00:38,581
Precisely! And Mr. Archer...
is a problem for us.
1471
01:00:38,582 --> 01:00:40,083
Ha, try having a kid with him.
1472
01:00:40,084 --> 01:00:42,120
We can't have him
out there freelancing.
1473
01:00:42,121 --> 01:00:46,095
Too chaotic, too messy.
No sense of perspective.
1474
01:00:46,096 --> 01:00:48,734
- So you've come to me.
- One job.
1475
01:00:48,735 --> 01:00:50,438
We don't care how long it takes.
1476
01:00:50,439 --> 01:00:53,477
Generous stipend,
rotating diplomatic covers,
1477
01:00:53,478 --> 01:00:55,715
sizable bonus upon completion.
1478
01:00:55,716 --> 01:01:00,758
- Just bring in Sterling Archer.
- I'll think about it.
1479
01:01:00,759 --> 01:01:03,334
We'd expect nothing less, Ms. Kane.
1480
01:01:04,132 --> 01:01:06,703
[person giggles]
1481
01:01:06,704 --> 01:01:08,172
Don't worry, Mom.
I got him.
1482
01:01:08,173 --> 01:01:10,645
[Lana] Very funny, AJ.
How was the zoo?
1483
01:01:10,646 --> 01:01:13,016
Mom, it was amazing!
I saw an elephant.
1484
01:01:13,017 --> 01:01:14,078
We had cotton candy.
1485
01:01:14,079 --> 01:01:16,857
- Dad got me a...
- Shh! Let it be a surprise.
1486
01:01:17,459 --> 01:01:20,765
Uh-oh.
Do you two need... to talk?
1487
01:01:20,766 --> 01:01:24,606
I'll go wait in the car.
[giggles]
1488
01:01:24,607 --> 01:01:26,943
Well, you better be able
to live off that stipend,
1489
01:01:26,944 --> 01:01:28,881
because you're never
bringing me in.
1490
01:01:28,882 --> 01:01:31,753
- Oh, dream on, buddy.
- Could be fun, though.
1491
01:01:31,754 --> 01:01:33,156
Cat and mouse for years.
1492
01:01:33,157 --> 01:01:34,859
Glimpses in the corridor.
1493
01:01:34,860 --> 01:01:36,763
Imagine the erotic possibilities.
1494
01:01:36,764 --> 01:01:39,001
- Ugh.
- Then it's settled.
1495
01:01:39,002 --> 01:01:42,875
- Visits with AJ are off-limits?
- Oh, obviously.
1496
01:01:42,876 --> 01:01:45,948
Here's to a suspense-filled
three days before I catch you.
1497
01:01:45,949 --> 01:01:48,186
[somber music]
1498
01:01:48,187 --> 01:01:49,923
Well, got to head back
to the shadows.
1499
01:01:49,924 --> 01:01:51,493
[sighs]
1500
01:01:51,494 --> 01:01:55,162
- It was quite the thing, wasn't it?
- Right?
1501
01:01:55,735 --> 01:01:58,640
[sighs]
1502
01:01:58,641 --> 01:02:03,717
Hey, Lana, I, um...
about us...
1503
01:02:03,718 --> 01:02:05,855
I'm really gonna miss
hearing what you...
1504
01:02:05,856 --> 01:02:08,073
what you think about stuff.
1505
01:02:08,861 --> 01:02:11,923
[sighs] Couldn't have
said that ten years ago?
1506
01:02:12,536 --> 01:02:13,836
Asshole.
1507
01:02:14,807 --> 01:02:16,943
- Oh, and, Lana?
- Yeah?
1508
01:02:16,944 --> 01:02:18,647
Like I said, AJ and I
went to the zoo,
1509
01:02:18,648 --> 01:02:22,839
and, uh, you should probably
buy a gibbon cage.
1510
01:02:23,123 --> 01:02:24,793
[sighs]
1511
01:02:24,794 --> 01:02:26,997
God damn it.
1512
01:02:26,998 --> 01:02:32,898
♪ ♪
1513
01:02:35,047 --> 01:02:37,218
Lana, I got your message...
1514
01:02:37,219 --> 01:02:39,222
Archer?
What are you doing here?
1515
01:02:39,223 --> 01:02:41,827
And where the hell do you
get off not saying goodbye?
1516
01:02:41,828 --> 01:02:44,666
Well, Pam, I hate goodbyes.
And I knew I'd see you again.
1517
01:02:44,667 --> 01:02:47,805
So, what, you pretended to be Lana
and called me here to apologize?
1518
01:02:47,806 --> 01:02:50,845
Pfft, no, it's just that I've
been out there on my own
1519
01:02:50,846 --> 01:02:52,548
and it's... it's not sustainable.
1520
01:02:52,549 --> 01:02:53,884
No one to watch my back.
1521
01:02:53,885 --> 01:02:57,759
What happened to thriving solo
in literally any situation?
1522
01:02:57,760 --> 01:02:59,562
Eh, I might have been wrong.
1523
01:02:59,563 --> 01:03:02,134
You want in? High danger.
Not a lot of money.
1524
01:03:02,135 --> 01:03:05,608
Just get in the goddamn elevator.
1525
01:03:05,609 --> 01:03:07,745
- So where to?
- Tangier.
1526
01:03:07,746 --> 01:03:10,618
- What we got there?
- Not a fucking clue.
1527
01:03:10,619 --> 01:03:12,732
Perfect.
1528
01:03:15,928 --> 01:03:19,922
 sync & correction by f1nc0
-- Addic7ed.com -- 
1529
01:03:20,574 --> 01:03:23,830
♪ ♪

Archer - 14x09 - Into The Cold (Finale)

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