Self-of-Therapist

E.A.S.E. M.E.
Process of Emotion/Affect Assembly Individual Exercise

Think of someone important to you who you get caught in upsetting, disturbing or unsatisfying
dances with.

a) Define the Dance (the interactional pattern)

• If you think of how the DANCE usually goes between you – see this from a distance as a
series of steps each of you take – think of the basic moves each of you make. Try to
capture these basic moves in VERBS: e.g. move away, shut down, avoid, complain,
convince, ask questions
• See the whole dance as it plays out between you. What is the main moe that you make?
e.g. I push and demand to be heard and sound critical.
What is the main move the other person makes?

b) Change the channel

• Name your surface emotion-the one the other would see – it can even be, “Nothing- I try
to shut down and hide all emotion.”
• Now try to find the elements of your emotion, see if you can slowly pinpoint the
specific:
o Event – In the moment before you make your move or express this surface
emotion, what happened that triggers you? Try to be SPECIFIC here, e.g. his
voice/tone
o Appraisal - (Initial, simple) e.g. This will be bad – uh-oh, problem/danger coming.
o Somatic Response – Felt Sense – e.g. jitters in my stomach, tightening in my chest
o Emotion – (deeper and surface) – e.g. hurt and mad, scared and frustrated, numb
and anxious
o Meaning (working model of self & Other). What do you say to yourself? e.g. He
always puts me down – it’s isn’t fair, I don’t deserve that
o Effort (to cope) – what do you DO? e.g. I turn and fight – I will show him
c) See if you can put these all together and distill the essence of this experience for yourself –
this can be a completely new phrase that just emerges from the above.
o Share your experience
In your mind, imagine a setting where you see the person who triggers you in front of
you. See them clearly – what are they wearing?
Now tell them slowly and as simply as you can the most important part of your
experience – just talk about YOU (not them) e.g. When we get into our dance where
you…(verb) and I (verb)…, this is what happens to me; I …
d) Reflect
What was that like for you to even imagine sharing this with this person? Try to come
up with one word for this. IF you wish, you can share just this word, or as much of the above as
is comfortable.

©2020 Rebecca Jorgensen: all rights reserved.