Food and sustainability in the twenty

first century Paul Collinson

Visit to download the full and correct content document:
https://ebookmeta.com/product/food-and-sustainability-in-the-twenty-first-century-paul
-collinson/
More products digital (pdf, epub, mobi) instant
download maybe you interests ...

Governing California in the Twenty First Century 8th

Edition Melissa Michelson

https://ebookmeta.com/product/governing-california-in-the-twenty-
first-century-8th-edition-melissa-michelson/

Nonhuman Agencies in the Twenty-First-Century

Anglophone Novel 1st Edition Yvonne Liebermann

https://ebookmeta.com/product/nonhuman-agencies-in-the-twenty-
first-century-anglophone-novel-1st-edition-yvonne-liebermann/

The Right to Sex Feminism in the Twenty First Century

1st Edition Amia Srinivasan

https://ebookmeta.com/product/the-right-to-sex-feminism-in-the-
twenty-first-century-1st-edition-amia-srinivasan/

Engaging with Brecht. Making Theatre in the Twenty-

first Century 1st Edition Bill Gelber

https://ebookmeta.com/product/engaging-with-brecht-making-
theatre-in-the-twenty-first-century-1st-edition-bill-gelber/
A Good Disruption Redefining Growth in the Twenty First
Century 1st Edition Martin Stuchtey

https://ebookmeta.com/product/a-good-disruption-redefining-
growth-in-the-twenty-first-century-1st-edition-martin-stuchtey/

The Meaning of Sexual Identity in the Twenty First

Century 1st Edition Judith S. Kaufman

https://ebookmeta.com/product/the-meaning-of-sexual-identity-in-
the-twenty-first-century-1st-edition-judith-s-kaufman/

Sport and Performance in the Twenty First Century

Routledge Advances in Theatre Performance Studies 1st
Edition Kelsey Blair

https://ebookmeta.com/product/sport-and-performance-in-the-
twenty-first-century-routledge-advances-in-theatre-performance-
studies-1st-edition-kelsey-blair/

Twenty First Century Celebrity Fame in Digital Culture

1st Edition David C. Giles

https://ebookmeta.com/product/twenty-first-century-celebrity-
fame-in-digital-culture-1st-edition-david-c-giles/

Cultural Value in Twenty First century England The Case

of Shakespeare 1st Edition Kate Mcluskie

https://ebookmeta.com/product/cultural-value-in-twenty-first-
century-england-the-case-of-shakespeare-1st-edition-kate-
mcluskie/
Another random document with
no related content on Scribd:
houseclean her sentiments. A man never likes to throw anything away, you
know, according to the tradition. He doesn’t like to throw away sex. He’s
used it badly, spotted it up and all that—in his lucid moments he’ll even
admit it. But none the less it’s very often the one thing which can excite his
tenderness and reverence and when he sees us invade the home, as he says,
it isn’t that he’s afraid the dishes won’t get washed. He says that, but what
he is afraid of is that we’ll find the secret places of his sentiment and ravish
them. I’m awfully sorry for some of the men. They’re going through a lot
just now. They seem to feel so left out, under all their loud jocosity and
foolish talk—you know,” she ended a little weakly.
“I know. I’ve been sorry for Gage myself. Terribly sorry for him. But I
don’t see how one can make concessions. What I’m afraid of is that in his
bitterness he’ll break Helen down. And she might give in but she’d never
forgive him now.”
“You’ve done some speedy work, haven’t you? Smashed up homes and
everything. What happened to your own pet Sinn Feiner?”
“He’s lecturing somewhere or other.”
“Is that all off?”
“It never was on.”
“You couldn’t get absorbed in his enthusiasm because you’ve got one of
your own, haven’t you?”
“I have yours.”
Mrs. Thompson patted her affectionately on the arm. Her contacts were
all warm and intimate. With men and women alike, she seemed to get inside
their minds and look out on the world as they saw it.
“You’re a dear girl,” she told her, “but you must remember that humanity
is a bigger thing even than feminism, Margaret. Be a little more tender
towards the poor men. After all, they can’t all be transported.”
All afternoon the crowds swelled. In the evening the great hotel dining-
rooms were filled with people who represented almost everything—power,
wealth, notoriety, ambition. Headquarters were established. Newspaper men
idled to and fro, joking, prophesying, gossiping. Underneath the fatuousness
of much of the pretense that this was a great popular meeting, most of the
people knew that the rules were already laid down and things would take
their course—must take their course. And yet there was a certain amount of
fair speculation as to whether in some way the great leaders might not be
outwitted after all—whether some new element might not show sudden
strength, whether the unorganized, half formulated hopes and ideals of
millions of ordinary people might this time put themselves across and lead
instead of follow. The Convention, like the world, was attuned to surprises,
revolts, inexplicable overturnings.
Helen was more than excited. A little less than two days ago she had felt
that she could not go on with this—that the personal agony had to be fought
out first. To her amazement she found that Margaret had been right. Helen
had always agreed with her that women were really not dependent on
emotion but that had been because Margaret’s contention seemed
reasonable and to take the other side hardly worthy. An inner feeling had
persisted that after all Margaret was unmarried and didn’t—couldn’t know
the strength of the emotional pull. But now she found herself breaking
through personal emotional wreckage to impersonal interest—or if not
impersonal interest at least interest in which sex played no part. She had at
first kept up the signs of control because she must. Now she no longer
needed the signs. She thought of Gage almost dispassionately. Now and
then the tragedy of the ruined feeling between them shook her violently. But
she could see their situation spread out before her. She could see it in
relation to the children, to other work. She could see where things must be
stopped in that they did not improve. And most of the time she hardly
thought of Gage at all. She was responding to all the excitement and interest
and admiration around her. She felt part of a great organization about to act
in ways which would affect the world. The great sensibility of her woman’s
imagination, undulled by much experience in the direction of things beyond
her contact, was played upon by a vision of great power which she might
help direct.
For the first time she understood what Margaret meant by the freedom of
women and why she was not content with the formal letting down of the
gates. She understood what some of the others meant when they talked of
the easy contemporary victories as obscuring the real things which women
needed.
The best of them did not talk the lingo of the “new day.” They knew that
any day was not new long enough to get used to its title. They talked of
adjustment of contemporary circumstances to an evolution as old as that of
civilization, as old as that of man—merged with male development and yet
distinct from it again. They avoided catch words and the flattery which was
sprinkled so thickly, avoided it not pedantically but with humorous
knowledge of its purpose.
They dined with Mrs. Thompson and three other women and held a kind
of informal court afterwards in one of the parlors of the hotel. Every notable
man who came into the hotel seemed to want a word with Mrs. Thompson.
She had a way with them that they all liked, a kind of keen camaraderie,
especially effective in a woman who, like Mrs. Thompson, could never be
accused of trying out any arts of sex attraction. They liked her company and
her brisk tongue and there was added interest in finding such company in a
woman. Helen met the Senators—the men whose names the party conjured
with and handled them as she handled most people—skillfully.
It was a little after nine when Helen saw Gage at the end of the room.
She had been talking with a gray haired, affable Senator who was telling her
what a beneficent influence the women were to have on the Convention and
she was excited, amused and sparkling. She was wearing a dinner dress of
black lace that Gage had always liked and as she caught his eyes on her that
was the first thought which flashed through her mind. It was followed by a
quick appraisal of Gage himself. He was looking a little untidy and showing
clearly the signs of recent strain and worry.
He did not make his way to her at once. He stopped to talk casually to
some men whom he knew. Helen thought suddenly that Gage was not a big
man politically. He did not have nearly as much prestige as Mrs. Thompson
of course, not nearly as much strength as she herself might have—. She saw
Margaret introducing him to Mrs. Thompson. His manners were bad. He
had none of the easy pleasant way with which the other men had come up to
her. He must be making an extremely bad impression. It humiliated her
somewhat. They were still too close for her not to feel that.
She joined the group where were Gage and Mrs. Thompson and
Margaret.
“Have you had a good day, Gage? I called up the house and the children
are fine. Not a trace of their colds, Esther said.”
He nodded gravely. Their eyes met, denying any intimacies of exchange,
coldly, a little cruelly.
“I hear your wife is to make the prize seconding speech to-morrow, Mr.
Flandon,” said Harriet Thompson, bending towards him.
 “I have no doubt of it,” said Gage.
“Do your views agree?” asked the older woman lightly.
“Very seldom,” answered Gage. He had not made it light. It was like the
flick of a whip.
Margaret interposed.
“Gage doesn’t believe in women’s progress, Harriet—don’t get him
started, please.”
“I wish he would get started. There are plenty of times when I think
we’re all talking balderdash and it would be a relief to hear some one give
testimony against us. What is the matter with women, Mr. Flandon?”
Gage’s tired, half-haunted eyes looked at her as if he suspected mockery
but he found none.
“According to most belief, there is nothing the matter with them. They
are supremely successful. They’ve got what they wanted. If they don’t like
the taste of their little mess of pottage as they eat it, it will be unfortunate.”
“You don’t think they will like it?”
“I may be mistaken. It may suit their taste.”
“I’m afraid it won’t but it’s the best food we’re able to provide so far.
Perhaps we’ve overpaid for it.”
“You have.”
He stopped, abruptly conscious of being drawn into discussion in public.
Margaret and Helen had been listening to the brief dialogue, and he
stiffened to the sense of their presence.
“I can’t stay, Helen—I’ve an appointment. Is there anything I can do?”
She walked with him to the end of the room, impelled by a desire to
preserve what she could of appearances but more by an unexpected pain at
having him leave her. She did not want him to stay—she was clear about
that, but she hated to have him go away in that lonely fashion. The
gentleness that welled up only lasted for a moment. He was ugly still. She
could tell by the set of his lips. It brought back her terribly painful
memories.
“Good night, Gage.”
That was all. Towards morning Gage went to bed. He had been drinking
other people’s whisky and he was ill enough to suspect it had not been good
stuff.

II

He did not go to the great Auditorium until the next afternoon. It took
some time to get himself into shape. The heat had begun, heat which settled
thickly on the city for three days and played its own part in making possible
agreements and compromises. By noon the smart look, the brisk look had
gone from everything and everybody and the sticky battle with the weather
had begun. Gage had met some men from his own part of the country and
they entered the great hall where the banners hung limp from the ceiling
and the delegates were already coming back to their places after the noon
recess. Gage did not look for his wife but after a while he saw her—as usual
looking the mistress of herself. His head was hot and thick and he hated her
for the fine mastery of her health and beauty. He wanted to see her in tears
—prostrate—and because he knew his desire was ugly he slipped down in
his own self-respect, which already was becoming such a frail reed to cling
to.
All that day he did not go near her. He watched her furtively sometimes
while he was in the auditorium but most of the time he spent with other men
in hotel rooms which grew hotter in spite of the efforts of electric fans and
all the time the whisky which he drank made his brain hot and seething with
misconceptions and desires and hatreds.
By the afternoon of the second day it had settled down to an endurance
meeting.
Watching the restless, heated crowd, going through the same old
formalities, Gage wondered whether Helen was aware now what kind of
game this was she had chosen to sit in—whether the farce of it was clear.
He did not wonder clearly. It was a kind of vindictive spite which pricked a
muddled brain.
He had not intend to be there when she spoke but in the end he stayed.
He heard the round commonplace phrases of the man who was nominating
the candidate she was working for—a good man, as Gage admitted—better
caliber than most, but without a ghost of a show for nomination. He listened
with irritation to the outburst of applause. Then he saw his wife before the
great crowd. It seemed quite unreal.
 He had not guessed her voice would carry like that. He had not known
she would show up like that. She came like a breath of cool air into that
heated place. In her blue linen gown and white feather hat she looked cool,
fresh, immaculate. When she spoke they listened to her and for a few
minutes Gage caught himself listening eagerly. She was talking well. No
nonsense. It was to the point. Just then he heard a man behind him.
“Some looker, isn’t she? That’s the kind of dames we ought to have in
politics all right.”
Blind rage swept over Gage again. He wanted to turn on the man and
fight. But he did nothing of the sort, being held by a thousand inhibitions.
Instead he watched his wife and as she talked he seemed to see her offering
her beauty to the crowd, seemed to see in every man’s face—as they
watched her—amusement, desire, lust.
He heard the burst of applause when she finished, applause with real
enthusiasm and at every hand clap he felt fury rising. Getting up, he found
his way to the door.
If Helen had expected a tribute from him, piled on the many she received
that night, she was mistaken. Men, women, newspapers all congratulated
her on having put some real fire into the speeches. Her speech, printed and
flashed all over the country was given its own share of praise. It was clear,
forceful, new in its outlook. The women of the country had chosen a good
spokesman, said the papers. But from Gage there was only a note at the
hotel, saying briefly that he had thought it best to return to St. Pierre—the
convention was the usual farce.
Helen twisted his note in her hands.
“So he couldn’t stay away from Freda Thorstad even that long,” she
thought. “Well,—”
 CHAPTER XVI

MR. SABLE STARTS SOMETHING

W HAT Mr. Sable had counted on was that Gage, once away for the
Convention, with his wife travelling with him, would stay away for a
week or so. In any case, he had taken matters rather summarily into
his own hands in the case of Freda Thorstad. The presence of the girl in the
office was to him like an open scandal. He knew that she had to get out of
the office and the time to get her out was while Gage was away. Of course
Flandon might raise trouble when he came back but there would be no
scene with the girl and he could put it flatly and finally that amours had to
be conducted outside of the office if at all. He was extremely correct and
secure in his own position and he felt he was most delicate.
So he was at the office a little earlier than usual the morning after Gage
left for the Convention. Freda was at her desk sorting the first batch of mail.
She looked very neat and capable, in her white blouse open a little at the
throat, her thick golden red hair pulled back smoothly from her forehead,
and her head industriously bent over her letters.
“Will you come in my office for a moment, Miss Thorstad?”
Freda followed him obediently. He closed the door and, taking his arm
chair, left her standing a little dubiously before him.
“Miss Thorstad,” he said, “I think—er—that it will be best for you to
sever your connection with this office.”
His tone, wholly disapproving, weighted with meaning, told his reasons
with almost comic flatness.
Freda’s brow contracted and she looked sharply at him. Then she
laughed. A brazen laugh, he would have said. Truly a laugh with no more
fear or care or apprehension in it than the laugh of any child who comes
upon something ridiculous.
Mr. Sable frowned. She was a hussy, he thought. Might try to bulldoze
him a little—he became increasingly stern.
“I have no desire to go into our reasons for this but I think it will be best
for you to simply leave at once. You may find the work too heavy for you. I
am sure you understand that no office of this kind could take the situation
differently.”
“Wouldn’t it be better for me to wait until Mr. Flandon’s return?” she
asked.
He had feared that.
“Surely you understand that your presence here is embarrassing to Mr.
Flandon,” he said sharply.
If she had guessed what he suspected she might have contended. But all
that he said struck her as true. She evidently was being gossiped about and
if it did make it embarrassing for Mr. Flandon—Perhaps that was why he
had been so over courteous, to conceal a deep embarrassment.
“Very well, Mr. Sable,”—she straightened her shoulders a little—“I shall
not go on with my work here.”
“Exactly.” With victory so easily accomplished, Mr. Sable became
different, adept at smoothing things over. “Of course when a young lady
cannot typewrite, an office like this has hardly the right kind of work—”
“I know that. I told Mr. Flandon that at the start.”
“Mr. Flandon being absent, I will give you a check for this week’s
work.”
“I’ve done only one day’s work, Mr. Sable. It is only”—she calculated
—“two and a half dollars.”
She took his check for that—he did not dare press the point—and left his
office. Mr. Sable smoothed his little white mustache, straightened his papers
with the air of having done a good day’s work already, and pressed the
buzzer for his own secretary.
It was only half past nine o’clock. Freda got her hat and coat from the
tiny dressing-room. Her desk was in order and there was no use in fussing
over it. She wanted to get out into the clean air. The pompous little lawyer’s
insinuations while they did not strike deep enough to insult her, made her
feel soiled and dirty.
Cele followed her into the dressing-room.
“Where you going?”
“Going out to look for a job.”
“He let you out?”
 “That’s the substance of his message.”
“Well—I call that—” Cele stopped, a veil of thought coming over her
eyes. “Look here,” she went on, “if there’s anything I can do—” She
stressed the last word violently, as if the need for action pressed upon her.
“Not a thing.”
“You aren’t going back to—what-you-may-call-it? The place you came
from?”
“Mohawk? No—mother’s coming here in a day or two. I’ll wait, and
look for a job.”
“A job,” said Cele, reflectively, “don’t worry too much, will you? Say—
I’ll be around to see you to-night. I think it’s rotten.”
Freda went out, wondering if the slanderous tongues had found even
Cele’s ear.
But she did not linger on thoughts of her dismissal. She was sorry to
leave Mr. Flandon so, but after all he knew and understood and the whole
business was so temporary anyway. Gregory should be back any day now—
and they would go away and never think of such ugliness any more. It was
like her that no thought of personal justification, of setting people straight
on the gossip, ever entered her head. She wanted to shake them off—that
was all. She wanted to get away into light and clearness and cleanness with
Gregory. And it seemed to her that merely being with Gregory would make
an atmosphere like that.
She had received no letter from him in five or six days now and she
missed one sadly. She needed that written touch of vigor and sweetness
which set her days aflame with happiness. Especially now, with the
knowledge that she was probably to bear his child. The lack of an address
so she might send him that delightful information was distressing. She
could have reached him through his lecture bureau but she had a dread of
the letter going astray if it were not sent directly to him. Not a word or
thought of resentment did she allow to penetrate her love. She kept herself
free from that. It was harder to keep fear away.
She was strolling along, passing through the shopping district, now and
then stopping to look idly at something in the window when she heard
herself greeted. Looking up she saw Ted Smillie. He was quietly affable and
there seemed no escape from speaking to him.
 “How are you, Freda?” he asked calmly.
She resented his use of her name though he had come to using it before
their disastrous evening.
“Quite well,” she said, and looked at him evenly, waiting for him to pass
her.
He did not pass. He lingered, showing in his face the return of that avid
attraction which he had felt so strongly before. She was thinner than she
had been when he had seen her last and the shadows under her eyes made
her face more delicate—more interesting!
“I wanted to see you again and luck’s come my way. You know that I did
call on you the next day at the Brownleys’ and found you’d gone. I’m afraid
I acted like an awful fool that night. Didn’t I?”
“Worse than that.”
“But it truly wasn’t my fault. I had been drinking. I know I can’t stand
the stuff. And you made me quite lose my head.”
She reflected that of course it hadn’t been his fault as much as Barbara’s.
And not knowing or dreaming that he was the agency which had violated
the privacy of those two days at the Roadside Inn, she did not persist in
great resentment. She disliked him of course but she was very idle and
ready for distraction.
He went on talking, eagerly.
“It’s been on my mind ever since. I hated to let you think I was like that.
Look here, Freda, I’ve got a free afternoon. Come in and have a cool drink
somewhere with me—won’t you?”
“I don’t think so,” said Freda.
“Please.”
“I might hurt your reputation,” she said, with a scornful little laugh. “I
understand I’m causing a lot of talk among your friends.”
“They always talk about every one—especially if a girl has the courage
not to be conventional—”
She did not trust him in the least. Nor did she like him. It was sheer
ennui which made her consent. She needed company.
They went to the tea room of a hotel, a cool place, furnished with
abundant white willow and great palms. Freda had not been in such a place
before and she, as ever, was esthetically responsive to the oasis of comfort
and coolness it made in the sweltering city. Ted ordered for her—a tall glass
of cool Russian tea with mint leaves and thin lettuce edged sandwiches. His
solicitude for her comfort dulled the edge of whatever resentment she had
towards him—she had never bothered to preserve much.
“And what are you doing? Did I hear you were working—like all
modern women?”
“Working I was—like all women who need the money,” she answered,
“but I’m not working now.”
“You’re not going back to Mohawk?”
She remembered part of his proposition that she need not go back to
Mohawk, made some weeks ago, glancing at him guardedly, thinking with a
certain amount of interest that this was the very young man who had made
suggestions which should have barred him permanently from her presence.
Here she was, taking his iced tea. Things were queer. She didn’t even feel
particularly angry at him. There wasn’t any use pretending false rigors.
“I don’t know,” she said, as she had said before.
“I’m glad you left the Brownleys’ anyhow. Are you living with other
friends?”
“No—I’ve a room by myself.”
Obviously he liked that and the visible signs of his liking amused her.
“Can I come to see you once in a while?”
“Oh, no, indeed. I shouldn’t in the least like you as a caller.”
He was undisturbed.
“I’ll have to make you change your mind somehow.”
She shrugged her shoulders slightly, delicately, in negation.
“Do you know how much I’ve thought about you since that night?” he
asked, bending a little closer to her.
“How much?”
“All the time.”
She pushed her glass away from her.
“Don’t be silly. I’m not a half-wit, Ted. I think you ought to be ashamed
of yourself. You know quite well you’re engaged to Barbara Brownley. Her
mother told Miss Duffield that.”
 His face darkened.
“Well,” he said, “I thought you were above a lot of silly conventions.”
She smiled serenely. “I am.”
“Then—just because a man is engaged to a woman is no reason why he
should never speak to any one else.”
“No—that would put a pretty high penalty on such things, wouldn’t it?”
“People are getting over their old fashioned notions about such things.
Men and women aren’t simpletons as they used to be, you know. We’re
regarding these things in a modern way. More like the French,” he said
largely.
“The French—oh, yes,” said Freda, gravely, “you mean having wives
and mistresses too. I’ve often wondered if the French couldn’t sue us for
libel for the things provincial Americans think about them.”
He flushed. “Are you making fun of me?”
“Gracious, no.” But he knew from her laugh that she was. “Why should I
make fun of you?”
She was enjoying herself. She felt so secure, so strong. It was fun to bait
this temperish young man, make him scuttle about for phrases which had no
effect on her at all.
“Anyway you know how I feel.” He pushed aside the glasses and plates
between them and bent himself over the tiny table towards her. She sat back
in her chair promptly.
“You know how I feel,” he persisted, “I never cared for a girl as I’ve
cared for you.”
“Then,” said Freda, with an air of great simplicity, “why not ask me to
marry you?”
He threw out his hands in a theatrical gesture of despondency.
“I’m tied hand and foot. This marriage of mine has been cooked up by
our families. It’s all arranged for us.”
“I know,” said Freda wisely, “as in France.”
He glanced sharply at her.
“But,” said Freda, “the modern way is not to let your parents put that
sort of thing over. Truly. One simply says, ‘Mother—I will wed the girl of
my choice.’ ”
 “You are making fun of me.”
“Well—who wouldn’t?” Freda collapsed into a laugh. “Here I sit,
listening to you make the funniest clandestine love in the world. You feel
you’ve got to do it—to uphold your reputation as a—Frenchman! And if
you slipped into a serious situation you’d be aghast. You don’t care a thing
about me and you know it.”
“Ah, don’t I?” He looked for a moment as if he did.
“You probably care a little about corrupting me. Now look here, Ted,
please stop talking such nonsense. You can’t shock me and it’s pretty hard
to insult me—I am a little ashamed of not being more insulted—but you
probably could make me very angry by persisting in trying to involve me in
petty vice. In the first place I don’t like it. In the second place, if I ever went
in for vice, it would be on a larger scale than you could dream of. I haven’t
the slightest intention of—being French! You’d better go along and make
love to Bob Brownley. She’ll bring some excitement into your life, I think.
The reason I’m not more angry with you is that you were, indirectly, the
cause of the greatest bit of luck that ever happened to me.”
“What?”
“I wouldn’t dream of telling you. But I’m awfully obliged for the tea—
truly. It set me up. Shall we go?”
He was not so easy to repulse. He got up and pulled his chair around to
her side of the table.
“Freda,” he tried to take her hand, “if I gave up Bob would you let me
see you?”
“I wouldn’t if you gave up the world.”
She rose a little impatiently, feeling that this was going too far, and
started for the door of the dining-room.
“At least you’ll tell me where you live?” he pressed her. “Let me go
home with you now.”
“Don’t you have to work in the middle of the afternoon?”
“Nobody’s working much. It’s too hot.”
“Then go play with Barbara. I’ve other things to do.”
Possibly it was the heat and the sense of effort which got nowhere that
made Ted’s face intense and angry. He saw her about to slip away again.
 “You can’t go like this, Freda, I’ve only just found you.”
“You’d better let me,” answered Freda, “because I see Maud Dubonnet
looking at you and she knows you and obviously isn’t intending to speak to
me though I lunched at her house, so you see it will be hot with you when
Barbara hears this.”
Against his will Ted looked up and saw Maud truly, with two other girls
and three young men coming into the room. They had to pass Ted and Freda
as they stood there, discussing. Maud Dubonnet was the only one of the
group whom Freda knew. The others all evidently knew Ted and glanced at
him with some interest. Maud did not look at Freda. She held her head
stiffly as she passed, then said something to the others which made them
turn with an attempt at casualness to look at the man and girl. Ted delayed
no longer. He followed Freda out.
“You see it doesn’t pay to do things Barbara won’t like. This will get
back to her before to-morrow and she won’t be pleasant.”
Ted’s mouth set in an rather ugly line.
“I’ll manage Bob all right.” He looked at Freda. Her face under the plain
white hat she wore was mocking, insubordinate, fascinating. “But I want to
see you again. To-night?”
“Nonsense. Good-by, Ted. Be good and make your peace with Bob.”
She turned and went in the opposite direction from the one in which they
had started, going into the first big department store and retiring to the
ladies’ waiting-room where she wrote a letter to her father, and mailed it.
Then, having made sure she was rid of Ted she went home. The afternoon
dragged along. She read and thought and on an impulse went out again to
go to the railway station and get some time tables. She wanted to see just
how far Gregory had been away from her when he last wrote.
Each time the postman approached the house there was a leap of her
heart. Four times a day he came and each time he brought fresh hope. She
would play tricks on herself as she went down to look in the mail box she
shared with the people who rented the apartment in which she stayed. Each
time she put her hand in the box she hesitated before she looked, then
looked quickly as if to catch fate before it tricked her. But it would be an
advertisement of a corset firm for Mrs. Miller, an envelope with
unmistakable savor of a bill about it, a postcard, a white Louisine envelope
with a woman’s handwriting on it. How she hated all the flatness of the
Miller mail.
Each envelope she took in her hands seemed to be mischievously
metamorphosed into one of these stupid envelopes which represented such
dull contact with the outside world. Nothing to do but to go upstairs and
read all over again the old messages of love from him—to wear her
wedding ring in the privacy of her room—to make endless computations on
the presumable date of her child’s birth—to read with unfailing zest and yet
slight nausea the rather mawkish pages of “What Every Mother Should
Know” which she had shamefacedly but defiantly bought at a book shop,
feeling the necessity for some practical knowledge of marriage.

The next day, breaking through her apprehension and her waiting,
cutting across her vague fears, came the letter. It lay between an
announcement of the opening of a new hair dressing parlor and Mr. Miller’s
water and light bill. How could she hope that the other white envelope
would be anything more interesting? Then she turned it over and the
address stared at her blackly. It was addressed to Mrs. Gregory Macmillan,
in an unfamiliar hand, postmarked at the town from which Gregory had last
written. Gregory always addressed her letters to Freda Thorstad to avoid
any explanations to the Millers. A quick faint fear came over her. She
almost crushed the letter as she flew up the stairs and with her back against
her door faced the envelope again.
Then steeling her mind and her heart, presenting only outer senses to
what blow it might contain, she opened it. The written words made their
sense clear, like some amazingly vital story that thrilled every nerve.
“My dear Mrs. Macmillan:
I obtained your address from your husband and I am writing you to tell
you that he is extremely ill. We have done our best for him and he has a
nurse with him constantly but I feel that you should come to him if it is at
all possible. I do not know what responsibilities of family may hold you but
I think it my duty to inform you that your husband is very sick. He lectured
here on the fourteenth and the next morning the proprietor of this hotel
called me to attend him. I found him in the first stages of typhoid and had
him removed to a hospital here which is comfortable and where we have
given him every attention. At a time like this his family should be with him.
I regret that I must be the agent of such distressing news.
Faithfully yours,
L. D. Merritt, M.D.”
She read it through twice carefully. The thing struck her as quite unreal,
although she had speculated on the possibility of his illness.
Then her mind, working reasonably, went on. She thought of trains and
money. She had fifty—no forty-nine dollars and seventy-five cents. It
wasn’t enough, she knew.
She had the time tables which she had obtained the day before. She
studied them, her body held tautly, her face calm, showing a control which
had come unconsciously. She could leave at three fifteen that afternoon.
She’d have to change trains at midnight. She’d get there at noon next day.
There was money. She must have money. No one to get it from unless she
wired her father—better not—Miss Duffield away—Mr. Flandon away—
Cele had none. She thought even of Ted Smillie. Better not—she’d pawn
something. That was what people did when they needed money.
Like most girls she had a small collection of semi-precious jewelry—
nothing of great value. She opened the little mock-ivory box on her dressing
table and considered the contents carefully. Then she closed it, put on her
hat and stuck the box in her pocket.
Pawning was unlike any experience she had ever had and not as exciting
as books had led her to believe. She felt no shame—only a vague hostility
to the pawnbroker. She hated his having so obviously the best of the
transaction. He was scornful in her array of articles to sell—the gold
bracelet that had cost her father thirty-five dollars—the little one carat
diamond ring that had been her mother’s—the opal ring—the seal ring—the
little silver locket.
In the end he gave her thirty-three dollars, and with the money in her
hands she immediately got his point of view. She had exchanged a lot of
things which meant little to her for the boundless power of thirty-three
dollars which added to forty-nine made eighty-two.
She bought a ticket to Fairmount, Montana. It cost her twenty-eight
dollars and sixty-four cents. She put it in her purse and went home, a
splendid sense of action stirring her.
It took her a very short time to pack her bag. There remained two hours
before the train. She spent it sitting in her room and letting the knowledge
of what she was doing penetrate her mind. It occurred to her that she should
let some one know where she was going but in the face of Gregory’s illness
it seemed even less possible to confide the news of her marriage. That was
to have been a glorious revelation to a few people. She could not turn it into
tragedy, so she decided to tell no one.
To her father she wrote a letter.
Yet even to him she could not tell the facts. It seemed now when
circumstances seemed to imperil her secret that she clutched it even more
tightly to herself. She could not bear the thought of comment breaking in
like a destructive barrage on the secret glory and beauty she cherished. In
her absorption she did not think much of consequences or possible worry
for any one. Only as she told Mrs. Miller that she wanted to pay up for her
week and that she had been called out of town, did it occur to her from a
comment of Mrs. Miller’s, that her mother was coming in a day or two. The
complication puzzled her—then she overrode it boldly. It was one of the
things that had to be. So she wrote a note for her mother and entrusted it to
Mrs. Miller. It was only a few lines to tell her that she had left the city
—“I’m sorry that I can’t be more definite about my plans. There’s nothing
to worry you, mother. It’s quite all right and I’m not doing anything I
shouldn’t. So please don’t worry about me. Only trust me, won’t you? I
know you will.” She sent her love and for all her assurances on paper that
she knew her mother would trust her she sealed it with a dubious look.
In the letter to her father she was, if not more informative, at least more
expansive.
 It was incoherent, reassuring, happy, sad—the kind of letter that carries
with it great fear to the one who reads it and who sees how delicate the
balance is on which the future is being weighed.
Freda mailed the note to her father, left the one for her mother with Mrs.
Miller and went to the station. Almost before she knew it the long train,
with a jerk of its loose hung body had gathered itself together and moved
out of the yards through the scattering, blackened railroad district. She
watched the little houses and let her mind sink into a blur of remembrance
and anticipation. She was going to Gregory. No more waiting for letters, no
more dreams. Whatever it was that was to come, it was reality—something
to feel and to do—not to wait for.
She slipped her wedding ring on her finger and displayed her hand a
little absurdly on the edge of the window casing. Marvelous symbol—that
ring, she thought. Too bad that people had come to regard it so disdainfully.
How ill it must have been treated to have sunk into such disrepute. Across
the aisle of the day coach she saw a like ring on the hand of a woman. It
was a fleshy hand and the coarse pink skin pushed itself up on either side of
the encircling band but Freda felt kinship and friendliness. With this
unknown woman, with the unintelligent face she almost felt it possible to
converse intimately—as if she might cross to her and say, “I am Mrs.
Gregory Macmillan. Are you going far?”
When the shadows fell thick across the prairie and a white-coated waiter,
a shade more important in his manner that he had been in passing through
the Pullmans, had intrigued a fair number of the day-coach passengers into
the diner, Freda rose a little stiffly. Her chin had red marks on it where she
had cupped it in her hand for so long and there were streaks of coal dust
under her eyes. She made a perfunctory and inadequate attempt to look
presentable and faced a new adventure. She had never eaten on a train in
her life.
The warm bustle and luxury of the place stirred her senses and brought
her out of her lonely rhapsody into an appreciation of what went on around
her. The adventure spirit came to the surface. Freda Thorstad—sitting at a
tidy table in a dining-car, on the way to her husband. There was no
disloyalty to Gregory’s illness that she could not resist the enchantment of
shining dishes which looked like silver and warm and savory smells and
smiling, interesting travelers, with above and around it all the clatter and
rush of the train, moving on to a hundred destinations, a hundred tragedies
and comedies and romances. Her thoughts at least admitted no staleness as
a possibility.
The meal stood out in her memory. She never forgot it. Tentatively she
ordered, tea, biscuits and lamb chops. When the lamb chops came they lay
on a platter with little sprigs of parsley offering them up and made her very
hungry. They looked delightful but inadequate. She ate hungrily, for these
last few days she had had little food.
Four—five—dragging hours. She bought a magazine with a flaring girl
on its cover and read avidly, her mind sinking into its soporific fiction with
weariness, getting respite from her own sharp and vivid thoughts.
The conductor came to tell her that this was her station. He lifted her
heavy bag for her and carried it to the foot of the steps of the coach.
Then came the excitement of the swoop and pause of the Flyer. Freda
was bundled aboard, hat awry, nervously watching for her bag, taken from
her hands by some one, porter or conductor. The curtains swung from all
the berths. The porter’s voice was low and lazy. He showed her to lower six
—a little cubby hole with curtains drawn aside, revealing the delightful
neatness of the berth. Freda knew even less of sleeping on trains than she
did of eating there. Awkwardly she managed to undress and crept in
between the thick white sheets. In the darkness she lay awake, wondering.
Wondering at the rush and sound and the mysteries shrouded behind green
swinging curtains. When the train shrieked a signal or stopped lurchingly at
some station she pushed up the curtain beside her and, propped on her
pillows, lay looking into the night tasting the full delight of inexperience.
At last she fell asleep and dreamed of Gregory. It was a frightening dream.
He did not know who she was, did not remember her. Towards dawn she
pushed her way out of it and woke up to see the rain falling lightly over the
even country and to realize that she was begrimed with the coal dust and
sticky with heat.
At noon she reached Fairmount and stood in the station looking about
her for information. The excitement of the last lap and approaching climax
of her journey overcame her fatigue and her eyes were brilliant. She
decided to take a taxi to the hospital and chose at random one from a row of
disheveled looking “For Hire” machines waiting for the daily debouch of
passengers from the Flyer. She climbed in with her bag and closed the
shaky door, and the driver started his motor. Freda’s heart was racing. The
cab could not go fast enough—nor slow enough. It seemed to her as if she
could not bear what might be waiting of joy or sorrow, as if emotion was
welling up so strong that it would burst its bounds and overcome her.
Through the dusty cab windows she saw Fairmount—ill developed wooden
houses with unhealthy looking trees giving little shade—a business district
of twelve or fifteen squares with all the machinery of business being
conducted as it was at this hour in hundreds of other First National Banks
and Gilt Edge Stores and Greek Restaurants and brick office buildings. The
cab whisked through it rapidly and came to a section of broader streets
where more impressive looking houses of brick or stone appeared at
leisurely intervals. A little park with a dusty looking playground adjoining
it. A row of apartments and there on the corner where a “Silent Zone” sign,
awry and disregarded by a group of boys playing in the street made a vain
appeal, was St. Agatha’s Hospital.
Inside the little entry was an office with three or four glass windows,
behind which she looked for an informant. A slim, weary looking nun came
at last, looking at her from behind steel rimmed glasses without curiosity.
“Macmillan—yes,” she said, “you’re—?”
“I’m his wife.”
The nun accepted the fact simply and as if she yielded Freda certain
rights and privileges. Freda felt frightened. She wanted to go into Gregory’s
room, kneel down by his bed and tell him to get well. She could see it
wasn’t going to be as direct as that.
A buzzing, muffled bell, sounded by the nun, had summoned a nurse,
who came into the office thumping heavily on her flat rubber-heeled shoes.
She was commissioned to take Freda to the last room in corridor “A”—the
“typhoid case.” Freda left her bag in the office and followed the nurse, as
she clumped indifferently along. The presence of the nurse bothered her.
She wanted to get rid of her—tell her she would go on alone but she did not
dare. In corridor “A” the nurse gave her a chair.
“I’ll find his nurse and see if you can see him now.”
“I’m his wife,” said Freda.
The nurse nodded.
“I’ll get the nurse first. She wouldn’t like me to bring any one in without
calling her first, you see.” She smiled a little as she explained this