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atone, and if accident occurs to me, be kind to her; or if
she is then also nothing, to her children. For never has
she acted or spoken toward you but as your friend. You
once promised me this much. Do not deem the promise
cancelled—for it was not a vow.
“Whatever I may have felt, I assure you that at this
moment I bear you no resentment. If you have injured me,
this forgiveness is something; If I have injured you, it is
something more still. Remember that our feelings will have
one rallying-point so long as our child lives. Teach Ada not
to hate me. I do not ask for justification to her—this is
probably beyond the power of either of us to give—but let
her not grow up believing I am a deserving outcast from
my kind, or lying dead In some forgotten grave. For the
one would sadden her young mind no less than the other.
Let her one day read what I have written, and so judge
me. And recollect that though now it may be an advantage
to you, yet it may sometime come to be a sorrow to her to
have the waters or the earth between her and her father.
“Whether the offense that has parted us has been solely
on my side or reciprocal, or on yours chiefly, I have
ceased now to reflect upon any but two things—that you
are the mother of my child, and that we shall never meet
again.”
CHAPTER XXI
GORDON SWIMS FOR A LIFE
As he took the two missives the girl handed him Gordon caught his
breath, for one he saw was directed in Annabel’s hand. For a
moment a hope that overleaped all his suffering rose in his brain.
Had those months wrought a change in her? Had she, too, thought
of their child? Had the cry he voiced on the packet that bore him
from England struck an answering chord in her? He opened its
cover. An inclosure dropped out.
He picked it up blankly. It was the note he had pencilled on the
channel, returned unopened.
The sudden revulsion chilled him. He broke the seal of the second
letter and read—read while a look of utter sick whiteness crept
across his face, a look of rage and suffering that marked every
feature.
It was from his sister, a letter written with fingers that soiled and
creased it in their agony, blotted and stained with tears. For the thing
it told of was a dreadful thing, a whispered charge against him so
damning, so satanic in its cruelty, that though lip might murmur it to a
gloating ear, yet pen refused to word it. The whole world turned black
before him, and the dusk seemed shot through with barbed and
flaming javelins of agony.
He crushed the letter in his hand, and, with a gesture like a
madman’s, thrust it into Shelley’s, turning to him a countenance
distorted with passion, gauche, malignant, repulsive.
“Read it, Shelley,” he said in a strangled voice. “Read it and know
London, the most ineffable centaur ever begotten of hypocrisy and a
nightmare! Read what its wretched lepers are saying! There is a
place in Michael Angelo’s ‘Last Judgment’ in the Sistine Chapel that
was made for their kind, and may the like await them in that of our
Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ—Amen!”
With this fearful imprecation he flung away from their startled faces
along the winding vineyarded lane, on into the dusk, lost to a sense
of direction, to everything save the blackness in his own soul.
The night fell, odorous with grape-scents, and the moon stained the
terraces to amber. It shone on Gordon as he sat by the little wharf
where the skiff rocked in the ripples, his eyes viewless, looking
straight before him across the lake.
For him there was no sanctuary in time or in distance. The passage
he had read at Newstead Abbey in his mother’s open Bible, beside
her body, flashed through his mind: And among these nations shall
thou find no ease, neither shall the sole of thy foot have rest.... In the
morning thou shalt say, Would God it were even! and at even thou
shalt say, Would God it were morning! He had found—should find—
no ease nor rest! The captive of Chillon had been bound only with
fetters of iron to stone pillars. He was chained with fiery links of hate
to the freezing walls of the world’s contumely!
Footsteps went by along the shadowy lane. Shelley’s voice spoke:
“He will come back soon, and we must comfort him if we can.”
The words came distinctly as the footsteps died away.
Something clutched tangibly at Gordon’s soul. In that instant his
gaze, lifted, rested on a white square in the moonlight. It was a
familiar enough object, but now it appeared odd and outré. He rose
and approached it. It had been a sign-post bearing an arrow and the
words “Villa Diodati.” Now malice had painted out the name and
replaced it with new and staring characters.
“Atheist and Fool.” It glared level at him with a baleful malevolence
that chilled the moment’s warmer softening into ice. Atheist! Without
God. What need, then, had he for man? Let the moralists have it so,
since they stickled so lustily for endless brimstone. Fool? He would
be so, then! His brain should lie fallow and untilled—he would write
no more!
With a quick gesture he drew from his pocket his commonplace-
book. He laid it against the disfigured sign-board, pencilled a few
words on its cover and, turning, hurled it far from him into the
shrubbery.
A twig snapped. He looked around. Jane Clermont stood near him,
her eyes smiling into his, fringed with intoxication and daring.
“I know,” she said; “they are hounding you still. They hated me, too!”
She came quite close to him. “What need we care? What are they all
to us?”
It was the Jane of the Drury Lane greenroom he saw now—the Jane
whose brilliance and wit had held him then; but there was something
deeper in her look that he had never seen before: a recklessness, an
invitation and an assent.
“Jane!” he exclaimed.
She touched his hand. “Why should we stay here? Let us go away
from them all—where they cannot follow us to sting!”
Gordon stared at her, his eyes holding hers. To go away—with her?
To slip the leash of all that was pagan in him? What matter? He was
damned anyway—a social Pariah; why strive to undeserve the
reputation? His thought was swirling through savage undercurrents
of vindictive wrath, circling, circling like a Maelstrom, about this one
dead center: Civilization had cast him off. Henceforth his life was his
own, to live to himself, for his own ends, as the savage, as the beast
of the field. To live and to die, knowing that no greater agony than
was meted to him now could await him, even in that nethermost
reach where the lost are driven at the end.
“We must comfort him if we can!” The words Shelley had spoken
seemed to vibrate in the stillness like the caught key of an organ. He
turned to where Villa Diodati above them slept in the long arms of
the night shadows, listening to the contending voices within him.
Comfort? The placid comfort of philosophy for him whose flesh was
fever and his blood quicksilver? In this girl life and action beckoned
to him—life full and abundant—forgetfulness, wandering, and
pleasure, fleeting surely, but still his while it should last! And yet—
The girl’s hand was on the skiff. On a sudden a cry of fear burst from
her lips and she shrank back as a disordered figure broke from the
darkness and clutched Gordon’s arm fiercely.
“Where are you taking her now?”
Gordon’s thought veered. In his numbness of feeling there scarce
seemed strangeness in the apparition. As he looked at the oriental,
mustachioed face, haggard and haunted, his lips rather than his
mind replied:
“Who knows?”
“You lie! You ruined her career and stole her away from London and
from me! Now you want to take her from these last friends of hers—
for yourself! But you cannot go where I will not find you! And where
you go the world shall know you and despise you!”
Jane’s eyes flashed upon the speaker. “You!” she cried in
contemptuous anger. “You hated him even in London; now you have
followed him here. It is you who have set the peasants to spy upon
us! It is you who have spread tales through Geneva! You whose lies
sent the syndic to-day!”
Gordon had been staring at the Moorish, theatric face with a gaze of
singular inquiry, his brain searching, searching for a lost clue. All at
once the haze lightened. His thought leaped across a chasm of time.
He saw a reckless youth, a deserter from the navy, whom he had
befriended in Greece—a youth who had vanished suddenly from
Missolonghi during the feast of Ramazan. He saw a shambling,
cactus-bordered road to the seashore—a file of Turkish soldiers, the
foremost in a purple coat, and carrying a long wand—a beast of
burden bearing a brown sack—
“Trevanion!” he said. “Trevanion—by the Lord!”
He burst into a laugh, reëchoing, sardonic, a laugh now of absolute,
remorseless unconcern, of crude recklessness flaunting at last
supreme over crumbled resolve—the laugh of a zealot flagellant
beneath the lash, a derisive Villon on the scaffold.
“So I stole her from you! You, even you, dare to accuse me. Out of
my sight!” he said, and flung him roughly from the path.
Gordon held out his hand to Jane Clermont, lifted her into the skiff,
and springing in, sent the slim cockle-shell shooting out into the still
expanse like an arrow on the air.
Then he took up the oars and turned its prow down the lake to where
the streaming lights of the careless city wavered through the mists,
pale green under the moonbeams.
The journal which Gordon had hurled from him lay in the vine-rows
next morning when Shelley, with a face of trouble and foreboding,
passed along the dewy lane. He read the words written on its cover:
“And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death. I
will keep no record of that same hesternal torch-light; and to prevent
me from returning, like a dog, to the vomit of memory, I throw away
this volume, and write in Ipecacuanha: Hang up justice! Let morality
go beg! To be sure, I have long despised myself and man, but I
never spat in the face of my species before—‘O fool! I shall go
mad!’”
CHAPTER XXIV
THE MARK OF THE BEAST