TheOnl

yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n
S1
I
ntr
oduct
ion

MyNamei sMbal entleCol li

nsI'm 17y ear sold
andIwasbor nandr aisedi nLondonupunt ilt
he
ageof13t henmeandmyMot hermov edback
toSout hAfrica,Mymot herisXhosaandshe' s
ori
ginall
yf r
om East ernCapei nEastLondonshe
metmydadwhowasanEngl i
shManwhenshe
gotaschol ar shi
pi nLondonandaf t
ershemet
him andf el
l pregnantshecoul dn'tcont inuewi t
h
herstudiesal thoughshewasext remel ybr i
ght,
Myf atherthenmar riedherandt heyl i
ved
togetherinLondonwi thoutmymom r et urning
homet oherpar ents, Year spassedandIwas
bornMyf atherwasaweal thyMansomy
mot herdidn'thav etowor r
yaboutany thi ngour
l
iveswer eext remel ygr eattheystill
arebutmy
fatherpassedawayhencewear ebacki nSout h
Af
ri
ca.
Hegotreal
l
ysickandonemor ni
ngwegotacall
hewasgone,eversi
ncet
henmymot herhasn'
t
beent
hesamebutshet r
ies.
.
Afterthef uner almyf ather '
swillwasdi stri
buted
amongstt hef ami l
yandwegothal fof
everything, myf ather'
sf ami l
ystart
edt or esent
usmymom doesn' tknowwhybutshedeci ded
i
twast imet ocomebackher eandofcour seit
wasahar dadj ustmentf ormebecauseal lmy
fr
iendswer ei nLondonIknewNot hingabout
SouthAf r
ica, Iwas13y earsandi nanew
environmentIhadt ost artnewschool andt ryto
l
ear nadi fferentlanguagebutf ormymom i t
wasn' thardy esshemi sseddadev erysingle
daysodi dIbecausemyr el
ati
onshipwi thmom
wasn' tast i
ghtIgotal ongbet terwithmy
Father .
.somet i
mesIwoul dhearhercr yher self
tosleept hisr eall
ytroubl esmebutIt rytomake
herhappy .
Mygr andpar ent
sdisownedmymot heraf
ter
shefellpregnantanddidn'
tret
urnhomesoshe
doesn'ttal
kaboutthem, Iwoul
dlovetomeet
them onedaybutmay bewhenI'm ol
derand
cangett hroughmom.

wenowl i
vei nEastLondonourhousei sn'tas
bigastheonewehadi nLondonbuti t'
sokay
andwear efinanciall
yst abl
emymot herdoesn' t
evenwor kshesay smydadl eftenoughmoney
forus,I
'vebeendoi ngmyhi ghschool in
Cambr i
dgeHi ghImadeal otofgr eatf riends
andI'm nowusedt ot hewhol ecl i
mat e, Iusedt o
getreal
lysickaf terwear r
ivedIguessi twast he
weatherIwasn' tusedt ot hismuchheati t'
s
alwayscoldi nLondon, Nowmymom i ssendi ng
met oMol tenoHi ghf orMygr ade12i don't
underst
andwhyt hesuddenar r
angementI '
m
alr
eadydonewi thschool andi '
vetriedf i
ghting
i
tami ll
iont i
mesbutshemadeuphermi ndt he
worstpartist hattheschool I'
m goingt oi sa
boardingschool andmi l
esawayf rom here,
apartf r
om ever
ythingIreallyLov ei there
al
thoughi 'l
lnev
erst opmi ssingLondon
becausei t'
swher emyl i
feandmemor i
es
started,i
t'
swhereIshar edpr icelessmoment
withmyol dmanbuti 'v
eaccept edt hathisi
na
betterplaceandify ou'
rewonder ingy esIknow
Xhosa
[
07/
11,
10:
10]Ron:
TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t1

Iwaswokenupbyt
henoi
seofav
acuum
cl
eaner
Me:
Mom r
eal
l
y?
Her:
it'
s11o'
cl
ockMbal
iwakeup
Me:
why
?
Shepul
l
edmycov
erst
othef
loor
Her:becauseIsayso,don'
tyouhavet
opack
anywaysweareleavi
ngearlytomor
row
Me: soyouar
ereal
l
ygoingaheadwit
ht hi
s?
Mom I'
m goi
ngtost
artgrade12don'
tyouthi
nk
bei
ngInanewschoolisgonnabeadist
racti
on
Her:
it'
sthesameschooll
i
keCambridgeHi
gh
Mbal
iyougonnal
earnthesamet
hings
Me: why
?Whycan'tIfi
nishher
e,y
ouare
sendi
ngmetoafl
ippinboardi
ngschool
you
knowhowIhat
eit
Her:Mbal ent
leyouaregoi
ngendofdiscussion
I
'm doingwhat'sbestf
oryouandonedayy ou'l
l
understand
Me: I'
m ol
denought ounderst
andmom what
couldpossibl
ymakey ousendmeawaywhen
I'
m onlyl
eftwithgr
ade12?
Shekneel
ednextt
othebedandl
ookedatme
Her:babypleasedon'
tmakethi
shardt
hani
t
al
readyis,
youknowIloveyoubut.
.
Me: y
ouknowwhat
?IwishmyDadwasst il
l
al
iv
enoactual
l
yIwi
shIneverl
eftLondonIhat
e
i
there
Her:
wat
chy
ourt
ongue
Me:
orwhat
?
Istoodandwalkedoutandslammedt hedoor
,I
wentt ot
akealongbathandbytheti
meI
fi
nishedmom wasbusywi t
hlaunch.
Iwenttodressi
nmyroom,Ideci
dedt
oleti
tbe
becauseIwasobvi
ousl
ynotwini
ng.
Ipl
ayedmusicandpackedall
mystuf
fcr
ying,I
misseddadIdi
dn'
tunderst
andwhymymot her
wasbeingsodi
ffi
cul
t.
Aft
erpacki
ngmythi
ngsIwentt
owat
chTV,
she
cameandsatnextt
ome
Her:
I'
m sor
ry
Ii
gnor
edher
Her:
Mbal
i
?
Me:
Okayf
ine
Shest
oodupandbr
oughtmeapl
ate
Her:
eatImadey
ourf
avour
it
e
Me:
I'
m nothungr
y
Her:
youdi
dn'
teatbr
eakf
ast
It
ookt
hepl
ate
Mom :
aren'
tyousay
inggoodby
etoy
our
f
ri
ends
Me:
Ial
readydi
dont
hephone
Mom :
youshoul
dgooutt
odayj
usty
ougi
rl
s
Me:nahIdon'twantto,
anywayit
'snotl
ikeI
won'
tseethem agai
noryou'
resendingme
awayforgood?
Mom :
ofcour
senot
Me:
mmh
Iat
ethenwentbackt
omyr oom,i
twasa
Sat
urdayIr
eal
lydi
dn'
twanttomeetupwi
thmy
f
ri
endsIhat
edgoodby
esandt
heyunder
stood.
ThatdayIsl
eptear
lyandsooni
twast
henext
Sunday
(
knocks)
Me:
comei
n
Her:ohyou'
realr
eadyupgooddr
essupqui
ck
sothatwecanleave
Ij
ustl
ookedathert
henshewal
kedout
Iworebl
ueski
nnyj
eansandawhi t
evestwith
pumps,t
iedmyhai
rmeanwhilemymot herwas
packi
ngmythi
ngsi
nthecar,Iat
ebreakfast
madesureIt
ookever
ythi
ngIneededthenwe
l
eft.
Iwassosadandont hewayIwaslooki
ng
thr
ought
hewi ndowsli
steni
ngt
oheadsetsand
thi
nki
ngaboutevery
thi
ng..

3Hour
slat
erwear
ri
ved,
thepl
acewasn'
tbadi
t
wasasmal
ltownqui
tepeacef
ul
Mom :
comebaby
Iopenedt hedoorthenwewal kedi
nsidet
he
school,Shepayedev er
ythi
ngthenIwas
regi
ster
edwedr ov
et otheBoardi
ngitwasn'
tfar
from t
heschool.
Mom :thepr
inci
pal
isr
eall
yimpressedwi
th
yourmarkst
hat'
swhyever
ythi
ngwentinfast
Me:
mmhokay
Westeppedoutthecart
henwalkedtowar
ds
t
heresi
dence,i
twasbiganditl
ookedabitcool
i
nawaybutsomehowl i
keahospit
al:/
Wemetwi
thawhi
tewoman
Thewoman:
aft
ernoony
oumustbeMr
s
Col
li
ns
Mom :
yesHel
l
o
Thewoman:
I'
m Shawnt
hemat
roncomet
his
way
Wef ol
lowedherleadi
ngusi
nside,t
hewere
ot
herkidschi
ll
ingintheTVroom somej
ust
si
tt
ingarounditwasquit
enoisywewentup
st
airs
Mom :
Thi
sisMbal
i
Shawn:
Iknow:
)youcancal
lmet
annyy
oung
l
ady
Inodded
Sheopenedar
oom i
ntheendoft
hehal
l
tanny:Grade12'
sLeaveupst airsandtheother
gradesdownstair
sont heothersideit
'sthe
boysroomsandgi rl
sarenotallowedbutdon't
worryi'
l
lpri
ntouttheschedulesandrulesfor
you
Me:
ohokay
Ther
oom hadt
wobedsandt
heywer
ebot
h
empt
y
Il
ookedatmymot
her
Me:
I'
m gonnahav
ear
oommat
e?
Shesmi
l
ed
Her:
yes
Me:
GoshIhat
ethi
spl
ace
Mom :
Mbal
i
!
Tanny:i
t'
sokaytheyar
eal
ll
iket
hiswhent
hey
arr
iveshe'
l
ladj
ust
Mymom br oughtmystuffandhel
pedmet
o
unpackandmaket hebed.
Mom :IhavetogoIdon'
twannaar
ri
vel
ate,
you'
l
lbefineneh?
Me:
Yeah
Her:Ideposi
tedmor
emoneyony
ourcard
i
ncaseyougonnawantt
obuymoret
hings
Me:
cool
Sheki
ssedmeandl
eft
Ist
oodont
heWi
ndowandwat
chedherdr
ive
awayli
vingmealonei
naplaceIknewnoonei
n,
atearescapedmyeyeIqui
ckl
ywipedi
t.
..

Soonaft
erasIwasupdatingmyfr
iendsonhow
muchIhatedtheplaceabubbl
ygi
rlent
eredt
he
room wi
thherthi
ngs
Her:
heyy
oumustbemyr
oommat
e
Inodded
Her:
Okayhi
I'
m Khol
o:
)
Shel
ookedl
i
keaf
lyper
son
Me:
Mbal
ent
le
Her:
you'
renewneh
Me:
yes
Her:
you'
l
llov
either
e:
)
Me: uhm Idon'
tthi
nksoIal
readywannago
backhome
Her:
OhmyGody
ouraccentwher
ear
eyou
f
rom
Me:
EastLondon
Her:
buty
ouraccenti
s..
Me:
Iwasbor
ninLondon
Kholo:Ihav
etoi
ntr
oducey
out
osomepeopl
e,
waitl
etmeunpackfi
rst
Me:
uhm Ohkay
..
[
07/
11,
10:
14]Ron:
TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t2

Khol
o:Al
ldonel
et'
sgo
Shegr
abbedmyhandwhichwasal i
tt
lestr
ange
andwewalkedt
oaroom opposi
teours.
.
Her:
Heygi
rl
s
Theroom had3bedsandthewer
eal
otofgi
rl
s
gat
heredther
eandchatt
ing
Gi
rl1:
heyBoo
TheyhuggedandIwasstandi
ngbyt
hedoor
whil
stever
yonekeptst
ari
ng
Khol
o:Chomyt
hisi
sMbal
ent
le,
Mbal
iUnako
Shecamecl
oseandgav
emeahug
Unako:
Nicet
omeety
ou
Me:
Likewi
se
Unako:
Arey
ouCol
ored?
Me:
Hal
fBl
ack,
Hal
fwhi
te
Unako:
youhaveareal
l
yni
ceaccentIcant
ell
youwer
en'
trai
sedi
nthi
scount
ry
Me:
uhm y
eah.
.
Ev
ery
onewasnowqui
etandl
i
steni
ngt
ome
Khol
o:Yamboumhl
echomy:
)
Unako:
ewewet
hu
Khol
o:haysubanomona
Me:
uhm bef
orei
tget
sal
lawkwar
dIj
ust
wannal
ety
'al
lknowIhearXhosa
Unakowassoembar rassedshetri
edfaki
nga
l
aughandmaki ngupaconv er
sati
on,manygirl
s
keptcomingint
otheroom anditsoonfel
tli
ke
thewholeresknewthewasanewgi r
lwit
han
accent.
.
Iwasn'
tapersonwhol
ikedcr
owdshenceI
hat
edboardi
ngschool
sandIhat
edrul
es.
Me: KholoI
'mt
ir
edIt
hinkI
'
m gonnahav
ean
ear
lynight
Her:
okayI
'
m comi
ng
Iwal
kedout
Unako:
Goodni
ght:
)
It
urnedandf
akedasmi
l
e
Me:
Yeahy
out
oo
Iwal
kedt
omyr oom andont
hewayIbummed
i
nsomeTom boyishgi
rl
Her:
Sor
ry
Me:
cool
Her:
heyy
ou'
ret
henewgi
rl
Me: Godam It
heonl
yper
sonnewi
nthi
s
school
?
Her:
Nobuty
ou'
ret
heonl
yonenewi
ngr
ade
12
Isqui
ntedmyey
es
Me:
excuseme
Iwal
kedpasthert
henwenti
nmyr oom,t
hrew
myselfont
hebedwithmyfacedown.
Myphoner
angandIgr
abbedi
t
Me:
yes?
Mom :i
sthathowy
ouanswery
ourphone
now?
Me:
ohsor
rydi
dn'
tknowi
twasy
ou
Her:
arey
oust
il
lfi
ne!
?
Me:
No!AndIwasnev
erf
ine,
Mom Iwanna
comebackev
eryoneher
ekeepsst
ari
ngatme
wei
rdl
y
Her:t
hat
'sbecausey
ou'
redi
ff
erentMbal
iI'
m
sur
eit
'st
heaccent
Me:Idi
dn'
tevenknowIhadanaccentunt
ilI
cametot
hiscount
ry
Her:
it'
sgonnabeokaybabyIpr
omi
se
Me:
Okay
Her:
Goodni
ght
Me:
night
Idroppedt hephone,believei
tornotmymot her
hasnev ersaidshelovedmeev ersincemy
fat
herpassedonnott hatitbot heredmebuti t
mademequest i
onthingsmay beshej ustdidn't
anymor e,shealwayscar ri
edonl ikeIwasn't
hurtbymyf at
herdeathasi fshe'st heonlyone
wit
hf eeli
ngsandt hatnightIrealizedIhadno
onebutheri nmyl i
fe..
Khol
owal
kedi
ndi
stur
bingmyt
hought
s
Her:
arey
ouokay?
Me:
yesI
'
mjustf
edupoft
hispl
aceal
ready
Her:
comeony
ou'
l
lgetusedt
oit
Me:
looksl
i
keIdon'
thav
eachoi
ce
Her:
Icoul
dli
stent
oyout
alkal
ldayy
ouknow
Il
aughedf
ort
hef
ir
stt
imet
hatday
Me:
you'
resowei
rd
Her:geti
nyourpj
'
sit
'sgonnabeLi
ght
sof
f
soon
Me:
Light
swhat
?
Her:
Light
..
Me:
NoIgeti
tbutr
eal
l
y?Why
?
Her:
Rul
esIguess
Me:
letmewel
comemy
sel
ftoHel
l
Ist
oodupopenedmyl ockert
ookoutmythi
ngs
andgoti
nmypj'sat10pm theli
ght
swere
tur
nedof
f,weconti
nuedtalki
ngwit
hKhol
oI
grewtolikehershewasr
eal
lyanicecrazy
person,IsawherassomeoneIcouldbe
fr
iendswi t
h.
Her:
sodoy
ouhav
eaboy
fri
end?
Me:
uhm Noot
hat
'snotmyt
hing
Her:
noty
ourt
hing?
Me: YeahI
'm nott
her
omancet
ype,
Idon'
tev
en
bel
i
ev einl
ove
Her:
soy
oudon'
tl
ovey
ourf
ami
l
y?
Me: Nonotl
i
ket
hat
,i'
vej
ustnev
erf
ell
fora
boy
Her:
may
bey
oul
i
kegi
rl
smor
e
Il
aughed
Me:
thatsoundswrong,
nomant
hat
'
sjustnot
mel
et'
sputitt
hatway
Khol
o:soy
ounev
erdat
edi
nyourl
i
fe
"
Ilaughedandcov
eredmy
sel
f"
Me:
nowy
ouar
eget
ti
ngper
sonal
Her:
hahahaokayokayi
'
llgosl
ow
Welaughedandtal
kedal
mostal
lni
ghtIgott
o
knowherbett
er,
SoonIwasoffl
i
kealamp..
Ij
umpedoutof
fbedwhenIhear
dabel
l
Me:yougot
tabeki
ddi
ngmet
hismustbe
t
ort
ure
Khol
owasal
readyi
nherUni
for
m
Her:
heysl
eepyhead
Me:
hey
Igotoffbedandwenttoshower,
thewasno
pri
vacyatall
inthebat
hroom whi
chmademe
feelsouncomfort
abl
e
If
ini
shedt
henTannybroughtmyuni
for
m Il
i
ked
i
t,i
tfi
tt
edmeperf
ectl
y.
KholoandIwalkeddownstai
rst
othedi
ningHal
l
tohavebreakf
ast,
ever
yonewasther
eandof
courseal
leyesonme
Me:sotel
lmeKhol
owhenar
etheygonnast
op
st
ari
ng
Her:
they
'l
lgetusedt
oyoudon'
twor
ry(
she
gi
ggl
ed)
Wesatdown,Ipouredmysel
fcereal t
henateI
coul
dfeel
thatsomeonewasr eal
lylooki
ngat
mewhenIlif
tedmyey esacr
osst hetabl
ethe
wasthi
sguylooki
ngatmeIqui cklyl
ooked
away
Khol
o:l
et'
sgo
WhenwewalkedoutUnakowasent
eri
ngt
he
di
ninghal
l
Unako:
arey
out
wof
ri
endsnow
Khol
o:r
eal
l
yUnako?
Her:
Justaski
ngBoo(
shesai
dwi
thabi
tchy
t
one)
Thenshewal
kedaway
Khol
o:i
gnor
eherMbal
i
e
Ij
ustsmi
l
ed

Thi
sgi
rlhasapr
obl
em.
.
[
07/
11,
10:
15]Ron:
TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t3

Day spassedandIwasget ti
ngusedt othe
whol eboardi
ngschoolthi
ngIguessmost ly
becauset hewasalwaysdramagoi ngon, Igrew
tolovebeingaroundmanypeople, KholoandI
werer eall
ycl
osewedi devery
thi
ngt ogether
i
ncludingUnakobutmeandherdi dn'tr
eal l
yget
alongwej ustpr
etendedtoli
keeachot herf or
thesakeofKhol oaft
erall
they'
vebeenf riends
l
ongbef or
eIarr
ivedandKholowant edmet obe
partofthat.
.
..
It
'saFri
daymor ni
ngandI '
m att
endi
ngamaths
cl
asssitt
ingatthebackalonebecauseKhol
o
didmathsLit
eracy,Anaveragehei
ghtdar
kguy
si
tsnexttome
Hi
m:hey
Me:
hey(
thenIt
ookoutmymat
hst
hings)
Hi
m:I
'
m Ni
khobutcal
lmeNi
c
Me:
Mbal
ent
le
Igav
ehim agl
impseonl
ytoreal
i
zeit'
stheguy
whoalway
sstaresatmedur
ingeat
ingti
me
Ni
c:i
'
vehear
dabouty
ou
Me:
ohi
sthatwhyy
oukeepst
ari
ngatme?
'
hegi
ggl
ed'
Hewascut
einawaywi
thsmal
lsexybl
ueey
es
Nic:Idi
dn'
tev
enreal
i
zeIwas'
hesmi
l
edand
showeddimpl
es'
Me:
Isweary
ou'
ret
ryi
ngt
oshowof
f
Hi
m:whatdoy
oumean?
Me:Nv m areyourey
esbl
ueory
ouwear
cont
actlenses
Him:Contactlenses,
youknowwhensomeone
i
slooki
ngaty oufrom adi
stancet
heywoul
d
swearyou'
reinnocent
Me:Iam i
nnocentj
ustt
hatIt
alkal
otand
somet
imesit
'scrap
Hi
m:al
otoft
imesy
oumean
Me:
dudey
oudon'
tev
enknowme
Hi
m:andIwantt
o
Hest
aredatmeandt
het
eachercamei
n
Wegotbusywi
thmat
hsandsooni
twasbr
eak
t
ime,
Kholocamet
othecl
ass
Khol
o: ndiy
aer
eschomydoy
ouwant
something?
Me:
nopeI
'
m cool
Khol
o:okay
Shel
eft,
iwasl
ist
eni
ngtomusi
cjustsit
ti
ng
al
onewhenNiccameandsati
nfrontofme
Me:
canIhel
pyou?
'Ipul
l
edof
fmyearphones'
Hi
m:noI
'
mjustsi
tt
ingher
e
Ismi
l
edandl
ookedaway
Hi
m:y
ouar
ereal
l
ybeaut
if
uly
ouknow
Me:
uhm okayt
hanks
Hi
m:canwebef
ri
ends
Me:Idon'tt
hinkt
hat
'ssomet
hingy
oucanask
f
orbutyeahsure
I
nthemiddl
eofourconv er
sati
onUnakowal ked
uptousandstoodnexttoNicleaningagai
nst
hi
sshoul
der,
iopenl
yroll
edmyey es
Unako:Iseey
oumetmyf
ri
endNi
c,ohMbal
i
e
thi
sismyex
Me:
Idon'
tthi
nkIneededt
oknowt
hat
Ni
c:wehar
dlydat
edUnako
Unako:
noIt
hinkwer
eal
l
ydat
ed
Me: uhm l
etmeleav
eyout
wot
oitnehIt
hink
youneedspace
Ni
c:pl
easedon'
tgoMbal
i
e
Unako:nogomyf
ri
endIneedpri
vacywi
thmy
Exmaybewecanwor
ksomethingout
Ibi
tmyl owerli
pUnakowasreal
l
ypushi
ngmy
pati
enceshewaslit
eral
l
yonmynervesal
lthe
ti
meandIal sohadabit
chysi
debutIwasj
ust
cool
ingthenewComert hi
ng.
Iwalkedout
sideandNi
cranaf
termehe
grabbedmyarm
Ni
c:LookI
'
m sor
ryaboutt
hat
Me:
Noi
tscool
Ni
c:j
ustsoy
ouknowi
twasnot
hingser
ious
Me: youdon'thav
et oexpl
aini
t'
snotl
i
keI
'
m
yourgir
lorsomething
'
Icoul
dseet
hatgott
ohi
m abi
t'
Hi
m:uhm okay
Wetookaminiwalkj
ustchat
ti
ng,
Nicwasbitof
apl
ayboyIcoul
dtell
butbesi
desthathewasa
r
eal
lyni
ceandfunny.

Lat
eraft
erschool
Khol
oandIwer
ejustchi
l
li
ng
i
nourroom l
ist
eni
ngtomusi
c
Khol
o:Chomyl
et'
sgochi
l
lint
heTVr
oom
Me:
Okay
Ionl
yhadatowelar
oundsoIgoti
ntoshort
s
andacropt
opthenworemywhiteAll
star
Kholoal
sowor
ethesamethingbutwi
thavest
thenwewal
keddownst
air
s,Unakocametojoi
n
us
Unako:Khol
owearesneaki
ngBoozei
ntoni
ght
doyouguyswantsome?
Khol
olookedatme
Me:
Yeahsur
eIdoal
lki
ndsofi
l
legal
stuf
f
Unako:okaygood,Mbal
iewehav ear
uleher
e
thatf
ri
endsdon'
tdatefr
iendsex'
s
Me:
sowhatdoest
hathav
etodowi
thme?
Her:si
ncewear efr
iendsnowIsuggesty
ou
keepyourdi
stancef
rom Nic
Il
aughed
Me:
youneedt
ochi
l
lIdon'
tev
enl
i
ket
heguy
Her:
goodt
henshewal
kedaway
Me:Kholotel
lme,howdidy
oumanaget
ost
ick
wi
thherall
thesey
ears?
Khol
o:Igotusedt
oher
Me:
youdon'
tgetusedt
oabi
tch
Kholo:ohwel
lIdi
dmyf
ri
end,
looky
ouseet
hat
Butch?
Me:
But
ch?
Khol
o:t
het
omboychomy
Me:
ohy
eah,
Ibummedi
ntohert
heot
herni
ght
Her:
it'
sUnako'
sGi
rl
fr
iend
Me:
uhm wai
tsoUnakoi
sbi
sexual
?
Khol
o:y
ep
Ismi
l
ed
Me:
looki
'
llbebackneh
Iwal
kedt
othatgi
rll
eav
ingKhol
oconf
used
It
appedheri
ntheshoul
derandshet
urned
ar
ound
Me:
hi
Her:
hey
Me:
I'
m Mbal
i
e
Her:
Lindo
Me:OkayIj
ustwannaapol
ogi
zefort
hatni
ghtI
bummedint
oyouinthehal
lway
Shesmi
l
ed
Li
ndo:
noi
twasf
aul
tit
'sokay
Me:
butIwasr
udesowecool
?
Her:
yeahsur
e
Me:
Hug!
?:
)
Shestoodupandwehugged,whenIl
ooked
overLi
ndo'
sshoul
derUnakowasstor
mingout
oftheTVroom
Ibr
oket
hehugt
henwal
kedawaywi
tht
hemost
evi
lsmi
l
e
Khol
o:andt
hen?
Me:
Iwasj
ustmaki
ngpeace
Shel
aughed
Kholo:
youdon'
twannast
artwit
hUnakoshe'
s
real
l
ybadnewswhenyoucrossher
Me:
you'
l
llear
nthatI
'
mtwi
ceasbad
.
..
Soonitwas10pm wedi dn'thaveli
ghtsoffon
weekends,theboyssneakedt oUnako'
sroom
becauseitwasbiggert
henwest ar
teddri
nki
ng,
i
twas5boy sincl
udi
ngNict henwewer ej
oined
byUnako'
sGi
rl
fr
iend.
Forthef
ir
stt i
meIhadrealf
un,
wegotwast ed
Nicwassit
tingnextt
omeandLi ndocouldn't
keephereyesawayfrom mewhichmade
thi
ngsworsebecauseUnakowasalreadynot
tal
ki
ngtome. .
Nicwal
kedoutt
her
oom t
henUnakof
oll
owed
her,
Khol
ocameuptome
Khol
o:Chomypl
easecov
erf
orUnakokuLi
ndo
Me:
what
'
sup?
whenKholowasaboutt
oansweri
tcl
i
ckedt
hat
UnakoandNicbot
hwentout
Me:
ohOhkayIgeti
tbutwhyme?
Khol
o:ChomyLi
ndowantstogoandshe
want
sUnakosokeepherbusy
Me:
Like?HaaKhol
ofi
ne
Khol
o:t
hanks
Khol
owasal
readyt
oodr
unkandsoonshe
passedoutonthefloorandIwasbusyt r
yingto
makeupaconv ersati
onwiththeotherguysand
Lindounti
lshegotimpati
entwit
hkholo's
disappear
anceandwalkedoutwithoutsayinga
thing.
..
Fewmi nut
esaftert
hatUnakocomesbackwi
th
tearsinhereyeslooki
ngmessyli
keshewas
strangl
ed
Unako:youar esuchabi t
chMbaliewhodoy ou
thi
nkyouar e?Justbecauseyou'
refr
om London
wit
har i
diculousaccentandaprett
yfacethat
doesn'
tmakey ou'
reever
ythi
ng
Me:
didy
ouj
ustcal
lmeabi
tch?
Shewasmaki ngasceneandsoont hehallway
wasf oolwi
thstudentswatchi
ng,I
'
venev er
foughtinmyli
f ebutthewayIwassoof uri
ousI
slappedherprayi
ngshedoesn'tsl
apmeback
becauseIwasgonnasur r
ender
,whenshej ust
heldhercheekandl ookedatmeshegav eme
power
Me:
youdon'
tevercal
lmeabitchhumil
iat
ing
mei
nfr
ontofev
eryoneforshi
tUnako!
ThenIforcedmywayoutoft
her
oom and
walkedtomyroom.
[
07/
11,
12:
02]Ron:


TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t4

Igott
omyr oom thr
ewmy selfont
hebedand
i
mmedi at
elyf
ell
asleep,t
hef oll
owi
ngmorni
ngI
waswokenupbyal oudknockmyheadwas
sooheavy
Me:
comei
n
TannyShawnwal
kedi
nther
oom andIj
umped
up
Tanny:
Mbal
ent
le
Me:
Tanny
?
Iwasstil
lwear
ingt
hesamecl
othesas
yest
erday
Her:
whydoesi
tsmel
ll
ikeabari
nher
e?
Me:uhm ener
gydr
inkTannyIwasstudy
ingal
l
ni
ghtIev
enfel
lasl
eepwit
hmycl ot
heson
Her:
mmhwher ei
sKhol
o?Iheary
oucaused
dr
amaher
elastni
ght
Me:
me?HayTannyIwoul
dnev
er
Shel
ookedatmesuspi
ciousl
y
Her:Ihopenot,
justtowarnyoubecareful
you'
renewhereandI '
m sur
eyourmom woul d
befuri
oustoknowy ou'
vebeensuspended
Me:
YesTanny
Shesmi
l
edandwal
kedout
Me:
thatwast
ooeasy
Itookoffmyshoesandall
mycl othesthengot
undercover
swithoutev
encheckingthetime,
af
terwhatfel
tli
kehour
sKhol
owakedmeshe
waslooki
ngallcl
eanandl
oudasal
way
s
Her:ChomyIhear
dyout ookmat
ter
stoy
our
handsl
astni
ghtLi
ter
all
y!
Me:
leav
emeal
one
Shej
umpedont
opofl
aughi
ng
Her:
Unakowant
stoapol
ogi
ze
Me:
real
l
y?Sheshoul
d
Her:
got
akeashoweri
'
llcal
lheraf
ter
Igotoutofbedandtheti
mewaspast12, went
toshowerthenworebl
ackthreequart
erj
eansa
str
ipedl
azytopwit
hpumpst henlef
tmyhair
l
oose..
Letmedescr i
bemysel fI'
m mi ddl
eheight
,I'
m
whatt heycalla'Bella'meaningt ooli
ght
skinned,Ihavel ongcur ledli
ghtbrownhairand
bigeyes,Iwoul dn'tsayI '
m skinnyI'
mthose
averagewei ght
edgi rl
s.
'
Khol
oent
eredt
her
oom wi
thUnako'
Unako:
HeyMbal
i
e
Me:
hey
Her:uhm Iwannaapol
ogi
zef
orcausi
nga
scenel
astnight
Me:
justt
hat
?
Her:andal
socal
l
ingy
ouabi
tch,
justal
lthose
t
hingsIsai
d
Me:
OkayIf
orgi
vey
ou
Her:
real
l
y?
Me:Yeaht
hat'
swhatf
ri
endsar
eforr
ight
?(I
f
akedasmil
e)
Iwasn'
tbeingabadpersonbutIjustknewhow
peopl
eli
keUnakor ol
l
ed,shewasst i
llgonnabe
abit
chtomesoIwasn' tgonnafallf
orherli
tt
le
i
nnocentapologi
es
Khol
o:gr
ouphug?
?:
D
Me:
Idon'
tl
ikehugsy
ouknowKhol
o
Shepull
edmet
henf
orcef
ull
ymadeusal
lhug,
I
pul
ledaway
Thebel
lforlaunchr angt
henwewenttoeat
l
aunchafterthatItookal
lmythi
ngsandwent
tot
hedininghalltostudy
.
WhenIwastaki
ngabr
eakfrom st
udyi
ng
pl
ayi
ngwit
hmyphoneLindocamet osi
tnextt
o
me..
'
Mbal
i
e'shesai
dinanannoy
ingway
If
rowned'
Me:
yes?
Her:
youpl
ayedmel
astni
ght
Me:
what
?
Her:keptmebusywhil
eyouknewmygi
rlwas
busywithanot
herdude
Me: ohr
eall
y?Idi
dn'
tknowshameatl
east
she'
ssti
l
lyourgi
rl
Li
ndo:
IguessIshoul
dbel
i
evey
ou
Me:
Doy
oul
oveher
?
Her:
Alot
Me: goodthendon'
tl
etany
thi
ngcomei
n
bet
weent hat
Shel
ookedatmet
hensmi
l
ed
Itol
dhert
oleav
eI'
m notherfr
iendandshe
l
aughedasshewal
kedaway ,
whenIwasabout
togobacktost
udy
ingNiccamet hr
ough
Ni
c:sor
ryt
odi
stur
byou
Me:
cool
sit
Hesatdown
Hi
m:y
ouwer
en'
tatbr
eakf
astt
hismor
ning
Me:
hadt
osl
eept
hehangov
erof
f
Hi
m: you'
reagr
eatper
sont
obearoundt
o..
wel
l
whensomeoneget
stoknowyou
Me:
YeahIsuppose
Hi
m:soy
ouai
n'
tmad?
Me:
about
?
Hi
m: whathappenedbetweenmeandUnako
l
astni
ghtImeany oushoul
dknowitwasmal
l
dr
unkmadnessshet hr
ewhersel
fatme
Icoul
dn'
thel
pbutl
aughunt
ilIwasi
ntear
s
Me:
wai
twhywoul
dIbe?
Ni
c:Idon'
tknowmay
bey
oul
i
keme
Me:ohcraphel
lnoIdon'tl
i
keyou,noti
nthat
wayany
way sNi
khofr
iendsisal
lwe'l
lev
erbe
Hi
m:ouchwhyt
hough?
Me:becauseIdon'
tli
key
oui
nar
omant
icway
andy
ou'r
enotmyt ype
Hi
m:what
'sy
ourt
ype?
Me:
uhm Idon'
tknowbuty
ou'
renoti
t
Webothl
aughedandtal
kedabitt
henhelef
t,I
di
dmyworkunti
lImissedKhol
othenwentup
st
air
s.
Me:
Baby
Shewassitt
ingonherbedl
ooki
ngli
keshe'
s
beencryi
ng,Iqui
ckl
ythr
ewmyschoolbagon
thefl
oorandmademywayt osi
tnextt
oheron
thebed
Me:
what
'
swr
ongpumpki
n?
Shegi
ggl
edal
i
ttl
e
Kholo:it
'snot
hingmyfr
iendguessI
'
mjust
thi
nkingaboutmyli
fe
Me:
thi
nki
ngaboutmakesy
oucr
y?Shar
e
Her:Iknowi l
ookl i
keahappyper sonbuti t
doesn'
tmeant hatI'
m happyMbal ie, myli
feis
complexIcomef rom arichfamilyy ouknow
butyoudon'tknowhowdamagedi tismymom
j
ustcall
edt otellmet heyaregetti
ngadi vor
ce,
andmydadi snowanal coholici
t'
st oughman
j
ustli
steningtoy ourmot hercrybehi nddoors
andpretendingtobef ineinfrontofy ouforyour
sake(shesni f
fed)
Ihel
dherhandandt
ear
sst
reameddownher
f
ace.
.
Iwasn'
ttheki
ndofper
sonwhohademot
ionsI
onl
ycri
edwhenIwasreal
lyhur
t
Me: i
fitmakesy oufeelanybetteryourli
fei
s
betterthanmi nemnaKhol owhenIgr ewupI
hadev erythi
ngachildcoulddream oft hewhol
e
sagaunt il
mydadpassedawayandt hat'
swhen
Igrewt oknowi '
llal
waysbealonei nthisworl
d
mymom doesn' tgiveadamnaboutmenow
Khol
o: I
'
m sorr
yforyourLossIcan'
timagi
ne
howthatmusthavebeenbutI'
m sureyour
mom lovesy
oumay beshe'sj
usthavingahar
d
ti
me
Me: i
t'sokay,noshedoesn'tt
rustmebecause
I
'm alsohav i
ngar oughtimeKholobutIputup
wit
hi tbecausehisgoneandt hat'
ssomething
we'
ll forev
erleavewithsupposeshe'
stherefor
me, notev enonedayhassheaskedhowIwas
ortalkedtomewef eelthesamepainallIneed
i
stoknowshe' st
here,youknoweversi
ncet he
dayIarr
ivedhereshehasn'
tcal
l
edtocheckup
onmeaf tersendi
ngmemi l
esawayit
'shar
dto
makeasi ngl
ephonecallj
ustnj
eet
oseehow
I
'm doi
ngbutheyi t
sal
lgood.
'
Idi
dn'
tevenr
eal
i
zeIwascr
yingunt
ilKhol
o
gr
abbedmeandpul
l
edmetoherarmshugging
meti
ghtl
y'
Icri
edImeanal otf orli
kethef i
rsttimeIcried
formyf at
her'sdeath, Icri
edthatImi ssedhim,
thatt
hingswoul d'vebeendi ff
erentifhewasi n
myl i
fe,Imissedt heloveofapar ent,Iwas
missinghisexistencebutGodhadt ot akehim
awayi nexchangef orashi tyl
if
ewi t
hmymom
whohadnol oveinherf orme
Khol
o:you'
l
lnev
erbealone,
I'
m her
eMbal
i
eand
Il
oveyouli
keasist
er.
Ikeptqui
etandj
ustcr
iedi
nherar
mswhi
ch
madehercrymore.
.
Wheny ouareachi
ldandthepeopl
ewhoar e
supposedtolov
eyougiveyouadeepsorecut
i
nsteaditgr
owswithyoueachandever
ytime
yougrow.
Iwoul
dli
ketoinf
ormyouall
thatthi
sisaTr
ue
st
ory,
butnotal
ltheev
ent
saretrue.
[
07/
11,
12:
02]Ron:
You'
rei
nFr
eeMode

SeePhot
os

TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t5
Wedidn'tevengot
oSupperthateveni
ngwegot
underhercover
sandt
alkedabouteveryt
hing.
.
Khol
o:Enoughoft
hissobbi
ng
'
shestoodupandwentt
oherl
ockert
hent
ook
outapart
ybagofl
aysandnut
s'
Me:
grababoxofchocol
atesonmyl
ocker
Shebr
oughtal
lthest
ufft
hengoti
nbedagai
n
andweate
Khol
o:soar
eyouav
irgi
n?
Il
aughed.
.
Me: OhmywordKhol
ocanyoupl
easest
op
aski
ngmesuchquest
ions
her:
whynot(
shegi
ggl
ed)
Me:youknowIdon'tgetcomfort
abl
ewhenwe
t
alkaboutsuch'
Isi
ghed'okayI
'm av
irgi
n
Khol
o:Iknewi
t
Ipl
ayf
ull
ypi
nchedher
Me:
sowena?
Khol
o:nahIonl
ydi
ditl
i
ket
wicet
hough
Me: Icantell
from y
ourf
aci
alexpr
essi
oni
t
wasn'treal
l
ynice
Webot
hlaughed
Her:wellnonotreal
l
yandIki
ndar
egrettedi
t
af
terbutatleastI
'
m sti
l
lwi
thmyboyf
riend
Me:
that
'sagoodt
hing,
doeshest
ayar
ound?
Her:
yeahhewor
ksi
ntown
Me:
wor
ks?Howol
dishe?
Khol
o:chi
l
l hi
snotol
d,21andIshoul
d
i
ntr
oduceyoutohi
m
Me:
uhm Iguess
Shesmi
l
ed
.
..
.
Amont
hpassedandsoonIwasl
eftwi
thonl
y
onepapert owr i
teunt i
l Il
eavef orhomeandmy
mot hercal l
edf ort hef irstti
met otellmeshe
won'tbeabl et opi ckmeupsoIshoul dtakea
taxithewor stpar toft hewhol esituati
onshe
knowsIhowIgetanxi ousar oundal otof
peoplewhom Idon' tknow, sheal soknowst hat
i
'veliterall
ynev ert ookat axiwhi l
sttravel
inga
l
ongdi stanceandy etal lshecoul dcomeup
withwas" I'
m sor rybabyI 'mt oobusyt ocome"
whatt hehell couldshepossi blybebusywi t
h
becauseshedi dn' twor k?Buty etagai nIdidn'
t
fi
ghtt hatIjustf igur edImi ghtaswel l
under standt hatt hingsar edifferentnow. .
.

Iwokeupint
hemorningandbathedbecause
mypaperwasat09:
00,Iwentt
ohav ebreakf
ast
thenl
eftt
owri
te.
.
2hoursl
aterIcamebackandpackedmyst
uff
Kholohel
pedmegat hermythi
ngs
Khol
o:y
ouknowy
oucancomeatmyhousef
or
t
hehol
i
day
sri
ght
?
Me:nahi
tscool
myf
ri
endi
'
llj
ustt
rynott
oget
l
ost
Khol
o:I'
mreal
l
ysorr
yaboutt
his,
ormay
beI
canaskmymom t
odr i
vey
ou
Me:
it'
sfi
neKhol
odon'
twor
ryaboutme
Shegavemeasadf
aceandIki
ssedheront
he
cheek
Me:
let
'sf
ini
shup,
soy
oul
eav
ingt
omor
row
Her:yepIof
fi
cial
l
yfi
nisht
omor
rowwi
thmy
paper
s
Unakoent
eredt
her
oom
WellIwouldn'
tsaythi
ngsweredi
ff
erent
betweenherandIbutwehadourday sofbei
ng
real
lygoodfri
endssomedaysshewasa
completebit
chasusual,
Nicontheothersi
de
wasgr eathewasli
kemybestguybuddywe
gotalongreal
lywel
l.
Unako:
I'
m gonnami
ssy
ou
Igav
eherast
rangel
ook
Me:
YeahIknow
Khol
o:okayl
et'
sgobef
orei
tget
slat
e
Theyhelpedmewi t
hmyst ufft
henIsaidbyeto
acoupleofgi r
lsIusuall
ytalkedtoandwewent
downstairs,Ical
ledNichewasal sol
eavi
ngbut
hewasgonnagoal il
lat
erhequi ckl
ycame
downwet alkedabi twhenhewasaboutt ohug
me..
Me:
youknowhowIf
eel
aboutt
hose
Nic: comeonEntl
e(hewasnowof
fi
cial
l
y
cal
lingmeEntl
eandhewaskindat
heonly
personwhocall
edmet hat
)
Irol
l
edafi
stt
henhel
ditup,
hesi
ghedandf
ist
bumpedme
Hi
m:i
'
llmi
ssy
ou
Me:
Iknow'
Ismi
l
ed'
Thenwal kedawaybecauseUnakowasal ready
panicki
ng: /,wewal kedtotownitwasa
5minuteswal kfr
om therestheytookmet oa
taxi
Kholor epeat
edlyinstr
uct
edmeonwhatt o
doandt okeepmyTabl etonmybagunt il
I'm
homeshesoundedl ikemymot heronlyi
fmy
motherbehav edli
keshewasmymot her- _
-.
.
Isai
dmygoodby
estothem Khol
ofor
cef
ull
y
huggedmet
henIgoti
nthetaxi
Khol
o:cal
lmeassoonasy
ouar
ri
ve
Me:
yesmom
Her:
Ilov
eyou:
)
Me:
met
oo
Unako:
Bye
Theywav edasthetaxit
ookoffandmyanxiety
star
ted,3HoursontheroadIfi
nall
ygottoeast
Londonfeeli
ngsickbutIdr
aggedmy sel
f
becausemymom st il
lcoul
dn'
tcomegetme
eventhoughIwasalreadyar
ound,Itookacab
homearri
vedatar
oundpast4t
henr
angt
he
doorbel
l
..
Atal
lmanwholookedLikeaguywhopl
aysa
char
act
eri
ntsot
siopenedthedoor.
.
Me:
uhm doIhav
ethewr
onghouse?
Him: y
oumustbeMbal
i
emyf
utur
e
daughter:
)

Huh
[
07/
11,
12:
02]Ron:
TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t6

Ij
uststoodatt
hedoorwi t
hmyey eswideopen
notbecauseamananswer edt
hedoorbut
becauseheter
ri
fi
edmesoomuch, mymom
stoodnextt
ohim openi
ngthedoorwider
Mom :
ohheysweet
y
Sheattempt edtohugmeImov edbackand
pushedmywayt hroughbot
hofthem st
orming
i
ntomyr oom, Isl
ammedt hedoorthenthr
ew
mybagsont hefl
oorandsatagai
nstthedoor
notnotici
ngt hatsomeofmyst uf
fedanimals
weremi ssing.
Iplacedmyheadonmykneesandt ookadeep
breathtryi
ngtodigestt
hewhol
ethi
ngwhenmy
mot herknocked
Her:
Mbal
i
ebaby
Me:
whatdoy
ouwant
?
Her:
canwet
alkpl
ease
Ikeptqui
etf
orawhi
l
e
Her:
pleaseMnt
anam
Ist
oodupdust
edmybuttandopened,
she
cameandst
oodinf
rontofme
Me:
who'
sthatman
Her:
mmht
hat
'smyboy
fri
endThabo(t
he
smil
eonherf
acedeser
vedt
obewi
pedaway
wit
hapanga)
Me:youhaveaboyfr
iendnow?OhokayIguess
t
hatshoul
dexpl
ainalot
Shet
ookmyhand
Her: l
ookbabyIhavetomoveonI'
m onl
y34
yearsoldMbali
eyesi'
l
lneverr
epl
aceyourdad
butIneedamani nmyl i
fet
otakecar
eofme
i
t'sbeenalmost4year
snow
'
Iguesst hatmadesenseinawayi t'
snotl
ikeI
expectedhertobealoneforev
erIknewatsome
pointshewoul dwanttohavesomeoneIjust
didn'
texpectittobethatwayl
ikeshesentme
awayt ogetaboy f
ri
endIwasol denough'
Me: OkayIgett
hatandIdon'treal
lycar
ewhat
youdoy ou'
reol
dandeveni fIcar
edthat
woul
dn'tmakeanydiff
erencebutwhysendme
away?
Her:
IknewIwoul
dn'
tbeabl
etomov
eonwi
th
y
oui
nthehouse
Me: Mom!I'
m ol
denoughtounder
standt
hatI
meany oumoaneddad'
sdeat
hlongenoughand
I
'm sur
ehewouldalsowanty
outomov eon
Her:Ij
usthadtoMbal
i
eIneedall
thespaceI
cangetbutbel
i
evemeImissyouever
yday
Me: wowspacefrom y
ourdaughter
?Funny
becauseyounev
erevencall
edohIalmost
for
gotyouwerebusynursi
ngyourmanclear
ly
Mom :
wat
chy
ourt
ongueMbal
ent
leCol
l
ins!
Shet
ight
lygr
abbedmyar
m
Me:
pleasel
eav
emyr
oom
Her:
thi
sismyhouse
Me: myfat
her
'shouseyouneverwor
kedfora
di
mer emember'
thenIpul
ledmyarm of
fher
hand'
Icoul
dseet
heangerinherey
esbutIcar
ri
edso
muchpainf
rom heri
nsi
deIwasemptyandI
neededhertor eachouttomet otel
lmest uf
f,
tal
kaboutthingslikemot heranddaught erbut
wit
hmymot herIdi dn'
thavethatrel
ationship
shewaslikeast rangerorjustsomer andom
personwhowasl ookingafterme.
Shewalkedoutandslammedt hedoor,
Itook
offmyshoesreachedformyt abledi
nthebag
thenl
ockedmydoorandpl ayedmusi cthr
ough
headsetsl
ayi
ngonmybed. .
Istar
tedtonoticesomeofmyt addybearswer
e
missi
ngIr eal
lylovedteddybearssoIhada
wholelotcoll
ectionofthem butIdeci
dedto
keepquietandsl ept
.
.
..

Iwaswokenupbymyphoner
ingi
ng
Me:
hel
l
o
Khol
o:I
'
m soomadaty
ou
Me:
ahhf
li
pI'
m sor
rybabeIar
ri
vedt
odr
ama
her
eIgotmadandsl
ept
Khol
o:whathappened?Di
dyouar
ri
vesaf
e
Me:i'
ll
tellyouonBBM neh?YeahIdi
dn'
tev
en
getl
ostthankstoyou
Khol
o:okaygoodImi
ssy
oual
readyI
'
m so
l
onel
y
Me: Imi
ssyoutoochomyandt
rustmeIwoul
d
r
atherbewi
thyou
Khol
o:soon,
we'
l
ltextnehIl
ovey
ou
Thenshesai
d"Met
oo"att
hesamet
imeasI
di
d
Me:
(Igi
ggl
ed)y
ouknowIcan'
tsayt
heLwor
d
Khol
o:y
ouar
esoof
uckedupy
oungl
ady
Wel aughedandhangedup, Iwokeupandwent
towashmyf aceitwasalreadypast7Iwentto
thekitchenandtomysur prisemommydear est
cookedbutf orherandboy fi
eonly
,Il
aughedto
my sel
fandmadeasandwi chwhenIwas
wal
ki
ngpastthelounget
heywerechi
ll
ing
t
ogetheri
nthecouchwatchi
ngnews.
.
Thabo:Mbali
ewedidn'
tgett
imet
oknoweach
otherpr
oper
lycomeher
e
Idr
aggedmyf
eetandwal
kedt
owar
dst
hem
Thabo:Nguml
unguny
ani
lohbaby(
mymot
her
l
aughed)
If
rowned
Me:
soy
oul
i
veher
enow
Thabo:
yesandmydaught
eri
smov
ingi
ntoo
Il
aughed
MD:cl
assic!Nowitexpl
ainst
hedi
sappear
ance
ofmyt
hings,wher
eisshegonnastay
?
Mom :
yourr
oom
Me: Idon'
tcar
eify
oubri
ngt
hewholef
ami
l
y
evenhiswif
ebutnoonei
sgonnast
ayI
nmy
room
Mom :
ther
easonIdi
dn'
tdi
shupf
ory
oui
sthi
s
exact
lyawundi
boni
mbal
ent
ley
out
hinkI
'
myour
fr
iend
Me:howcanIifyoudon'
tbehav
elikemy
mot
hernort
reatmelikey
ourdaughter
Thabo:
it'
sokayI
'
myourf
athernow
Idi
sgust
ingl
ylookedathi
m
Me:
youwi
l
lnev
erbemyf
ather
!
Hest
oodup
Thabo:y
ouwill
nott
alkt
omel i
keyoutal
kto
yourmot
herI
'
mt hemanint
hishousenow
'
hewassocloset
omyfaceIcoul
dsmel
lhi
s
meat
ybreat
hwhichmademewannathr
owup'
Mymotherwassmili
ngjustl
ooki
ngatmel
i
keI
wassomepieceofshi
t
Me:
Youmustbepossessedmamay
ouknow
Mom :
whynotjustcall
mebymynameThembi
si
nceyout
alkt
omel ikeI'
myourage
Il
ookedatt
hem bot
hforawhi
l
ethenwal
ked
awayt omyr oom asIleftthem laughing, I
knewmymot herhadchangedev ersi
ncemy
fat
herdiedbutwhatIsawt hatnightwas
somet hi
ngelseifLovedidt hattohert henI
hatedit,
shemademef eellikeaf ool
inf r
ontof
amansher ecentl
ymetobv iousl
ybecauseI
wasn'tevengonef ormor ethanamont h.
Igott
omyr oom couldn'
tev
eneatIjustt
ook
outmyalbum andlookedoverpi
ctur
esofme
anddadcryi
ng..
Me: 'Istaredathi spicture' Iwi shyouwer e
hereIknowt hisiswr ongofmebutIwi shshe
wast heonet hatdiedi nsteadofy ou,daddyI
don'tthinkIcandot hisf ormuchl ongerit'
stoo
muchImi ssy ourlov eandl i
vingwi t
hheri s
tur
ningmet oabr utalper soni t
'sdestroyi
ngme
i
nside, Ihaveschool andIst i
l
l havetost r
ess
aboutwher ei'
llendup' t
ear swer estreaming
downmyf ace'
Ihel
dtheal
bum agai
nstmychestr
oll
edmy
sel
f
ont
hebedandcr
iedmy
sel
ftosl
eep.
.
[
07/
11,
12:
02]Ron:
TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t7

Af ewday spassedandt hingswer egetting

wor seathomeIhar dlyevensawmymom she
wasal waysoutwi thhersocal l
edboy fri
endand
hislit
tlegirl
ohy eshi sdaught eral
somov edi
n
butIr efusedthatshest ayedi nmyr oom soshe
usedt hespar ebedr oom, alotoft hings
bother edmebutIwasmost l
ybot heredbyt he
factthatmymot herwasact uallyusingmy
father'
smoneyf ory onkelant obabebusyy i
yo
butIhadnosayandIcoul dn' tclai
mt herestof
mymoneyunt ilIturned18.
I
t'
saFridayaft
ernoonandi'v
ebeenont he
phonewithKhol
ot hewholeday,Iki
ndacutof
f
myfri
endsfrom EastLondonbecauseaft
erI
becamef ri
endswithKholoIwasabl
et o
dif
ferent
iat
ebetweenpeopl ewhoar
ey our
fri
endsforthebenefit
sthatcomewit
hy ouor
forwhoy oureal
lyare.
.
'
Mymot
hercomesi
nmyr
oom'
Her:Mbal
i
eyou'
vebeenont
hephoneal
ldaygo
cook
Me:
cook?
Her:yescooki
t'
sti
mey
oul
ear
nyou'
reol
d
enoughnow
Me:
I'
m notgonnal
earntocookf
oryournew
f
ami
ly,
Idon'
teveneatt
hefoodyoucookmos
Her: youknowwhatI'mfedupofyouandy our
shitMbalentl
eI'
m notgonnaspoi
lyoul
ikeyour
fatherdi
dhisgonesuckitupandstopplay
ing
brat!
Iwasshockedbymymot her'
swordsl
ikemy
mouthwaslit
eral
lyhangi
ngIcouldn'
tbeli
eve
shecoul
dbesoi nsensi
ti
ve,shehasnever
spoket
omel
i
keshedi
d.
Me: youknowI'
mt i
redofbei
ngtr
eatedl
ikeI'
m
nothi
ng,I
'myourdaught
erandyoucan'
texpect
tochangethi
ngsall
ofasuddenbecauseof
him
Her:
Ilov
ethatman
Me: wowi '
veneverheardyouspeakthatword
beforeespeci
all
yputt
ingitwi
thmei nthesame
sentence
Her:yazi
Mbalentl
eIcanseeuci
ngaumdal
a
ngokuwhydon'ty
oujustmoveout
Il
aughed
Me: ar
eyoukicki
ngmeoutinmyf ather
's
house?Ahouseyouboughtwit
hhismoney ,
moneythaty
ouar ef
eedi
ngthatthugwith..
'
sheunexpect
edl
ygavemeahotclapacr
oss
t
heface,bl
oodimmediat
elyr
andownmynose'
Ihel
dmyf
aceandl
ookedatherasshewal
ked
away
Her:
Nxa!
Iwaswear i
ngabl ackandwhitesweaterwhich
i
mmedi atel
ylookedred,Icoul
dn'
tev encr
y
ever
ythinghappenedfastandIdidn'
tknowwho
thewomanmymot herwasanymor ebutint
hat
momentIr eal
izedthi
ngswer eonlygonnaget
worse..
Iwipedmynosewi ththesleeveofmysweat er
andpackedev erythingthatbelongedt ome, I
wasn'tthi
nkingst raightnordidIknowwher eI
wasgoi ngIj ustknewIneededt ogetoutoft hat
housebef oret hingsendedbadi 'veseen
famil
iesgoingt hroughsuchst uf fandIknew
thenextthingwoul dbeabusef r
om Thaboi t
couldevenbesex ual andobv i
ousl ymymot her
wasgonnasi dewi thhim andbel ievenot
hing
thatIsay,Ijustnev erthoughtmyl i
fewouldturn
outhowi tdid. .
.
Aft
erIfi
nishedpacki
ngmyt hi
ngsIsneakedto
herroom andtookoutal
lthecashshehadin
herpur
seincludi
ngallcardsandprayedthe
pi
nswer est
il
l t
hesameIwaspl anningtoleave
herwit
hnothing!,Iwentbacktomyr oom took
al
lmybagsandl ucki
l
ymostofmyt hi
ngswer e
backatschool.
Iwentoutt hebackdoorthoughthekitchen
theydidn'
tevennoti
cebecauseIwasi nvi
sible
tothem, i
twasdarkandcol dIonlyreali
zedthat
whatIwasdoi ngwasstupi dwhenIwasal ready
i
nacabbutt hewasnot urningbacknottot hat
hellwhole..
Ididal i
tt
lepr
ayeraski
ngGodt
ogui
deand
protectme
Dr
iver:
Sisi
wohl
i
kaphi
?
Me:uhm..canyoudr
opmeont
het
axi
sto
Mol
tenoplease
Hi
m:t
hist
ime?Doy
ouknowhowdanger
ousi
t
i
s?
Hewasl
ooki
ngshadyhi
msel
f
Me:Nomydadi
spi
cki
ngmeupt
her
e'If
akeda
smi
l
e'
Hi
m:Okayt
hispl
acei
snotf
orgi
rl
sthi
slat
e
Ii
gnoredhim andlookedt
hrought hewindow
wit
hmyhear tbouncingsohardagainstmy
chestIwasscaredandhadbl oodallov
erme
becauseInevergotachancet ochangebutit
wasdarksoIwasn' tasworr
iedaboutcreepi
ng
peopleout
.
Thedriv
erdroppedmei nOxfordnexttosteer
s
andshowedmet hetaxi
s,Ist
art
edtoshivernot
becauseIwasfeeli
ngcoldbutfearsuddenly
becameaclouduponme
Me:
I'
m soost
upi
d'It
alkedt
omy
sel
f'
Iwascarryi
ngaspotbag,abighandbaganda
schoolbagIwasafrai
dtoeventakeoutmy
phoneandcallKhol
obutIdecidedi
'l
ldoi
twhen
I'
m al
readyi
nthetaxi.
.
Ther
ankwasabi
tdi
stantf
rom st
eer
sandi
t
wasinadarkpat
h,Ispoketomysel
fand
st
art
edwalki
ngtowardsther
ank.
.
Thewereafewtaxisl
eftwhenIwasal
ready
aboutt
oent
ertheranktwoguyscameupout
ofnowher
eandst oodinfr
ontofme
Guy1:
Ahhgl
owi
nthedar
k
Guy2:Iwouldtaket
hisonehomeanydayto
meetmymot herbutri
ghtnowIj
ustwanna
unwrapher
Ij
ustkeptquietandst
oodtherewi
thmyey
es
wideopennotknowingwhethert
oscr
eam,run
orjustbegf
ormyl i
fe
[
07/
11,
12:
02]Ron:
TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t9

I
ttookabout10mi
nforust
ogett
ohi
shouse.
.
Ni
c:Comel
et'
sgo
If
rozef
orasecond
Hi
m:comeonEnt
lenoonei
sgonnabi
te
Me:
Okayf
ine!
Webot
hgotof
fthecar
Ni
c:whi
chbagar
eyougonnaneed?
Me:
uhm t
heschool
andhandbag
Hegrabbedt
hem from t
hebackseatt
henwe
wal
kedtowardsthehouse,
thewereabout3
car
sparkedoutsi
de.
Me:
youhav
eabeaut
if
ulhome
Hi
m: t
hanks'
het
ookouthi
skey
sandopened
t
hedoor'
I
twasdar
k,hesl
owl
yswi
tchedont
hel
i
ght
Hi
m:comei
n
Iwal
kedin,
thehousewasreal
lybignotto
menti
onbeaut
if
ulthel
oungespokeev erywor
dI
wasbusyadmir
ingwhenhepulledmyhand
downthehal
lwaythenweenteredhi
sr oom
I
tfeltabitawkwar
d,het
ookof
fhi
sjacketand
hangedit..
Hi
sroom wasreal
l
yneatandIdidn'
texpectt
hat
,
i
tsmeltgr
eatandi
twasreal
lycool
Him:doyouwanttobat
hthenIcanmakey
ou
somet
hingt
oeat?
Me:
uhm y
eahsur
e
Heshowedmet hebathr
oom doorbutIwas
sooscaredofwakinguphisparent
s,it
ookmy
toi
let
rybagoutthentookoffmyclot
hesand
wrappedaroundhistowelhewasintheki
tchen
meanwhile.
.
Iti
pt owedtothebat
hroom andt
ri
edtobath
wit
houtmaki ngtoomuchnoise,
Ifini
shedand
l
otioned(spr
inkl
edali
lperf
ume)thenwent
backt ohi
sroom
Hewassitt
ingont
opofhi
sbedpl
ayi
ngmusi
c
f
rom hi
slaptop
Ni
c:wantmet
oleav
esoy
oucanchange?
Me:
Noi
tsokay
It
ri
edl
ooki
ngf
ormypj
'
s
Me:
fli
pmypj
'
sar
eint
hespor
tbag
Nic:i
'l
lgi
veyoumyt'
shi
rti
t'
sokay(het
ookaT-
shi
rtoutt
hengavei
ttome)
Me:
thanks
It
ri
edwear i
ngitthenr
emov
edthet
owel
,i
twas
abitbaggybecauseNi
cwastal
l
ert
hanme
Hi
m:y
oul
ookcut
e
Ismi
l
edandt
iedmyhai
rthensatnextt
ohi
m
Ni
c:her
e'sy
ourf
ood
I
twaschi
ckencur
rywi
thpast
aandasoda
Me:
thanks
Idon'
tknowwhybutIwasabi tshywiththe
wholeeati
ngi nfr
ontofhim ar
rangementbutI
didi
teverydayatschoolitwasweird,Isl
owly
ateandwat chedhimtakeoffhisclot
hesand
fort
hefir
stt i
meInoticedhehadsome8
pack(
nyana)goi
ngon
Me:
wear
enotsl
eepi
ngi
nthesamebedr
ight
?
Hel
aughed
Hi
m:noi
'
llsl
eepont
hecouch
Thewasal
eat
hert
hreeseat
ercouchi
nhi
s
room
Me:
arey
ougonnabecomf
ort
abl
e?
Nic:nothat'
sleatheri'
l
lheatuptodeathbutI
cantakeitbecausey ouwon'tl
etmesleepwit
h
you
Me: Iguesswecansleept
oget
heri
fwegonna
useseparatebl
anki
es
Hi
m:okaycool
If
ini
shedeat
ing,
thewespl
i
tthebl
anket
sthen
sl
ept..
Wewer ebothfacingdi
ff
erentdi
recti
onsIcan'
t
descri
behowIf el
tbutIal
sodidn'tunder
stand
thefeel
ingbecauseIwasn'
tadeepper sonwho
hademot
ions,
Idi
dn'
tev
enunder
standt
hem.
Hi
m: soyouwantmet
otakey
out
okhol
o'
s
pl
acetomor
row?
Me:
ify
oudon'
tmi
ndy
eah
Hi
m:Iwoul
dn'
tmi
ndnott
oyou
Ismi
l
ed
Hi
m:ar
eyoubl
ushi
ng?
Me:
argpl
easey
ouknowI
'
m nott
hatgi
rl
Hi
m: everygi
rlhasemot
ionsentlematt
erof
f
actevery
onedoeswenay oujustshutt
he
wor
ldout
Me:I'
m goodl
i
ket
hatNi
caf
teral
lIhav
emy
sel
f
nooneelse
Hi
m:whatdoy
oumean?
Het
urnedandf
acedmyback
Me: itdoesn'
tmatter
,I'
mjustnott
hekindof
personwhobr eat
hsloveandbeli
evesall
the
fai
rytalesabouti
t
Ni
c:y
ouar
eonl
y17howcany
oubesof
ucked
up
Me: Idon'tknowbutIknowIwasn'tal
waysl
ike
thisjustthatapartofmediedandwasberri
ed
alongwi t
h. .'
Ihel
dmy sel
ffr
om say
ing"my
father"'
Nic:I
'
m sur
ethear
esomanypeopl
ewhol
ove
you
Me: why?Becausewenay
ouhaveAllt
hisa
happyfami
ly,f
ri
ends,
weal
thandyoual
ways
havethi
ngsyourway
Him: it
'snotli
kethatMbalent
leandyouknowit
!
I
'mj usttr
yingtoreachouttoyoui'
vebeen
tr
yingtodoi tsi
ncet hef
ir
stdayIsatmyeyes
ony ou
Me:I
'm notgonnal
ist
ent
oyourpl
ayboyt
alk
I
'mt
ir
edi '
dlovetor
est
Hi
m:whatmakesy
out
hinkI
'
m apl
ayerent
le
Me:
leav
emeal
oneNi
khoneh?
Heturnedandfacedt
heseal
i
ngl
ayi
ngonhi
s
back,
Ialsotur
ned
Me:
Nic?
Hi
m:mmh
Me: I
'm sor
ryj
ustthati'
vehadt
hel
ongestmost
ter
ri
fyi
ngdayofmyl ifeIknowy
oumeanwell
buthonestl
yyoucan'tfi
xme
Ni
c:Icant
ryj
ustl
etme
Me:
NomaybeIdon'twantyout o,
y ouknow
i
'
vel
i
vedal
i
eeversince.
.'Ikeptquiet'
Hi
m:ev
ersi
ncewhat
?
Me: NoNv ml et'
sjustsayI
'
m adif
ferentperson
from whenIli
v edi
nLondonandIwi l
lneverbe
thesamei fy
ouwannabef ri
endswit
hmey ou'l
l
havetodealwi tht
his
Hi
m:youknowi
'
veal
way
swant
edt
obemor
e
t
hanf
ri
ends
Me:
Thanky
ouf
orev
ery
thi
ngNi
cyour
eal
l
y
camet
hroughf
ormeIappr
eci
atet
hat:
)
Iturnedandki ssedhischeekt henfacedt he
otherdirecti
on,Icouldfeelitevent
houghI
couldn'
tseehi sfacet hathewassmi ling
becauseIwasal sosmi li
ngcouldn'
tfigureitout
whyIhadawei rdfeeli
ngbutIknewKhol owas
gonnat ellmeall aboutit
..
Iwashurtdeepl
ybutsomehowbei ngnextt
o
Nicmademef orgetaboutt
hingsabit
,hemade
mefeelsafe:)
[
07/
11,
12:
02]Ron:
TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t8

AsIwashopel
essl
yjustst
andi
ngt
her
escar
ed
ashel
lamanwalkedtowardst
het
woguysand
I
Him:yemakwedi
nibendi
ngat
handahambani
apha?
Guy:
ewet
ymawewer
ejustsay
inghi
Hi
m:f
utsek!
Theyr
anaway
Hi
m:Eyakev
alamakhwenkwe,
yaphi
mnt
anam?
Me:
Mol
teno'
Iwasshi
ver
ing'
Him: t
hisl
ate?Comei '
l
lwal
kyout
oat
axi
and
I
'm sur
eit'
sthelastone
Me:
Thanky
ou
Het ookmybagsandwal kedmet oataxiwhil
st
tell
i
ngmehowdanger ousthatplacewasat
nightIshoul
dn'
tbeoutalone, hewasanol d
manki ndaremi
ndedmeofmyf ather
..
Hetalked
tooneoft hedr
iver
sthentookmet oataxi
Me:
Thanky
ousomuchf
ory
ourgener
osi
tysi
r
Hesmi
l
ed
Hi
m:ar
eyousur
eyouokay
?
Me:
Iwi
l
lbe'
Itr
iedt
osmi
l
e'
Helef
t,t
herewerealr
eady5l
adiesinthet
axi
I
movednexttoawindowthentookoutmy
phoneonl
ytoreal
izemybatt
erydied
Me: i
t'
sreall
ynotmydayt
oday(
Ibouncedmy
headagainstt
heWindow'
Iwasn'
tev engonnabeablet oaskforsome
el
se'
sphonebecauseIdi dn'
tknowKhol o'
s
numberbyhear t
,Iwassot i
redemot i
onal
lyI
j
ustdecidedthati
'l
lfi
gur
esomet hi
ngoutwhenI
gott
here.
Bef
oreIknewi
tIwasasl
eepandt
hedr
iver
wokemeup
Dri
ver:wher
eshoul
dIdr
opy
ou'
Iwast
heonl
y
passengerl
eft
'
Me:
uhm t
hisi
sfi
necany
out
ell
met
het
ime
Hi
m:5t
o10
Me: Okayt
hanks'
Ipai
dtookmybagst
hengot
of
fthetaxi
'
Iwal
kedov
ert
oKFCwenti
nandsatdownt
hen
bowedmyheadagai
nstt
het
abl
e.
Wai
ter:
canIhel
pyou?
Me:No..
.secondthought
si'
l
ljusthav
ea
r
egul
aror
angej ui
ce
Wai
ter:
okay
Whenhewasaboutt
owal
kaway
Me:
sor
rydoy
ouknowwher
eIcanf
indanATM?
Hi
m:y
ahr
ightnex
tdoor
Me:
pleasecheckmybagsf
ormei
'
llbeback
Hi
m:okay
IwalkedtotheATM, Iwantedtowit
hdrawevery
pennyineachcardasr i
skyasItwasbutIhad
tobeforemymot herreal
izedIt
ookthem and
goestoblockthem
Idon'
tknowhowmuchIt ookoutt
hatdaybutI
knowitwasalotofmoney,Ir
anbacktokf
c
thenst
uffedt
hemoneyinmyschoolbag.
Theguycamebackwi
thmyj
uice
Me:coul
dyoupleasechar
gemyphonef
orme
f
orafewminut
es
Him: uhm okaybutj
ustaf
ewmi
nut
esbecause
I
'm aboutt
oknockof f
Me: t
hanks'
Ihandedhi
m myphoneanda
char
ger'
Istart
edt othi
nkaboutmyf ut urebutonet hi
ngI
wasn'twor r
iedaboutwasschool Iknewmy
mot herhadalreadypaidfort hewhol eyear,but
Ithoughtaboutwher ei'
llstaydur ingholidaysI
thoughtaboutaBNBbutr eal i
sedt hemoney
wasn'tgonnal astfor
everIhadt ogot ovarsi
ty
thefoll
owingy earwhatwasIgonnadot hen?
that'
swher eev er
ythi
ngstart edt ost ressme,
whatwasmyl i
fegonnabeIhadnoguar di
anI
knewmymot herwasn'tgonnal ookf ormeor
makeef fort
st ogetmebackhomewhenshe
reali
zesI'
m goneshewasn' tev engonnacar e..
Iwasleani
ngagai
nstt
hechairwhenIhear
d
someonecall
mynameatfirstIt
houghtIwas
probablygoi
ngcrazyunt
ilNi
khocamer
unni
ng
throughthedoor
Ni
kho:
Ent
le!
Ist
oodup
Him:whatar
eyoudoingher
e?Whydoy
ou
havebl
oodal
lovery
ou?
Hepulledmeclosetohim andIti
ghtl
ywr apped
myar msaroundhi
m andcr i
ed,f
orthefi
rsttime
IhuggedNicandsharedanemot i
onwi t
hhi m,I
j
utskeptcryi
ngunti
lmychestwentdr y.
.
Heheldmeandkeptsayi
ng"
Entl
eI'
m her
eit
s
gonnabef
inepl
easedon'
tcr
y"

Hesatmedownandkneel
ednextt
ome
Hi
m:whathappened?Ar
eyouhur
t?
Icoul
dn'
ttal
kproperl
yfrom al
lthecr
ying,he
wenttoaskforwatert
henlandedmeIt ooka
si
p
Ni
c:wannat
alk?
Me:'Itookadeepbreat
h'it
'salongst
oryandI
don'
tthinkI
'
mr eadytot
alkaboutit
Nic:Iunder
standImeani'
venev
erseeny
ou
l
ikethi
sbefore,Idi
dn'
tev
enknowyoucould
cry
Ismi
l
edabi
t
Me:
yousuchani
diot
Hehel
dmyhand
Him:Idon'
tknowwhat
'sappbutIknowyou'
re
onehel
lofastr
onggi
rl,whatar
ey oudoi
ng
her
ekeatleast
?
Me: I
'
m goi
ngtoKholobutIhav
en'
tcal
l
edher
yetmyphonei
schargi
ng
Hi
m:I
'
m notgonnal
ety
ougot
hisl
ate
Me:
Icansl
eepi
naBNBf
ort
oni
ght
Hi
m:noy
ou'
recomi
nghomewi
thme
Me:
uhm.
.noway
sIca.
..Ican'
tdot
hat
Hi
m:y
oucant
rustmeEnt
lepl
ease
Me:
Ican'
tal
l
owt
hatNi
cno
Hi
m:Iwanttohel
pyou,
youcangof
ir
stt
hingi
n
t
hemor
ning
Me:
whatabouty
ourpar
ent
s?
Hi
m: theyareal
readyasl
eep,
besi
dest
hey
won'
tmi nd
Me:
Idon'
tknowNi
c
Hi
m:I
'
m nott
aki
ngnof
orananswer
Hepul
l
edmeup
Me:
Okayl
etmegetmyphone
Iaskedt
hewai
terf
ormyphonet
henwel
eft
Hewentov ert
ohisf
ri
endswhower ewai
ti
ng
forhi
m outsi
deandt
oldthem hewasgoi
ng
homet henwelef
t
Me:
letgoofmyhand
Hel
aughed
Him:af
ewmi
nut
esagoy
ouwer
einmyar
ms
yaz
Me: shutup'
Ipl
ayf
ull
ypunchedhi
m',
youdon'
t
havetodothi
syoucangohavefunwi
thyour
fr
iends
Ni
c:i
'
drat
herbewi
thy
ou:
)
Il
ookedawayandsmi
l
ed
Me:
sowher
edoy
oul
i
ve?
Hi
m:her
ear
oundt
own
HewalkedtowardsablackRanger
overand
openedthepassenger
sseatforme
Me:
Idi
dn'
tknowy
ouhadacar
Hi
m:Idobutt
hisi
smydad'
s
Igoti
nsi
dethenhewentaroundt
otheother
si
deanddroveoff
,het
urnedandtooka
gl
impseatmethensmil
ed.

Ihadal
i
ttl
efai
thi
nmet
hatt
hingswi
l
lgetokay
Ij
usthadt
obest
rong.
.
[
07/
11,
12:
02]Ron:


TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t10

Iwaswokenupbyaknock, Iopenedmyey es
Nicwasn'tnextt
omeIdi dn'
tknowwhet herto
say"comein"orjustpr
etendIdidn'
thearthe
knock..
Icover
edmy self,t
hedoorslowl
yopenedand
someonewal kedtowardsthebedandgrabbed
thecoverr
evelingmyfaceitwasNic'
smom I
assumedandIwasf r
eakedoutfordays
Her:
Hel
l
o'shesmi
l
ed'
Me:
mor
ningmem
Her:
wakeupandcomej
oinusf
orbr
eakf
ast
Me:
uhm.
..
Her:
it'
sokay:
)
Thenshel
eftt
her
oom,
Iqui
ckl
yjumpedup
Ni
cent
eredt
her
oom af
ter
..
Hi
m:heybeaut
if
ul
Me:
whydi
dyoul
ety
ourmom comeher
e
Him:shealr
eadysawyoul
astni
ghtsoi
twas
usel
ess,
theywantyout
ogoeat
Me:
NobutNi
kho.
.
Hi
m: Ent
lei
t'
sfiner
eal
l
ymyfolksar
ecool'
he
gr
abbedmyjeansandt
hrewt
hem tome'
Me:
I'
m gonnaki
l
lyouf
ort
his
Idr
essedupthenwentbrushmyteethand
washedmyface,Iwal
kedbackt
ot heroom
Ni
c:l
et'
sgo
Ilookedathi
m andt
ookadeepbr
eat
hIwas
reall
ynerv
ous
Ni
c:i
t'
sreal
l
ynotabi
gdeal
'hel
aughed'
Wewalkedt
othekit
chen,Isawt
hehouse
cl
ear
lyhi
smom real
lyhadgoodtast
e.
Theki
tchenwasAll
whitewit
habigtabl
einthe
middl
ethatwasni
celymade,hi
spar
entsanda
l
it
tl
eboywerealr
eadyseat
ed..
Me:
Goodmor
ning
Theygreetedback,
Nicpul
l
edachai
routf
orme
thenIsatdown
Ni
c:ev
ery
onet
hisi
sMbal
ent
leMyf
ri
end
Hi
smom :
yourf
ri
endneh'
shesmi
l
ed'
Nic:Entl
ethi
sismom ,
dadandmyLi
lbr
o
Aphelel
e
Hi
sdad:
wear
ehappyt
ohav
eyou
Ismiledandlookeddown, t
hewasafrui
tsal
ad,
yogurt,
toast,
ham, cheese,
eggs,
Jui
ceand
Coffeeinthetabl
e
Ni
c:y
ouwantbr
eakor
?
Me:
Frui
tsal
adandy
ogur
tisf
ine
Hepassedmeabowel
thenpour
edmej
uice
Me:
Thanky
ou
Hesmi
l
ed
Hi
smom :
arey
oual
sodoi
nggr
ade12?
Me:
yesmem
Her:t
hat
'sni
cetheni
tmeansNi
khoi
ssor
ted
wit
hadate:)
Icl
ear
edmyt
hroat
Ni
c:Mom It
oldy
ouIdon'
tev
ent
hinki
'
llgot
o
t
hedance
Her:nonsensei
t'
syourf
ir
standl
astofcour
se
you'
l
lgo
Hisdad:yourmom i
srightson,andyou'
ve
madeuspr oudwewerestart
ingtobeworri
ed
aboutyou
Ni
c:whatar
eyout
alki
ngabout
?
Hi
sdad:wel
lyourmom thoughty
ouweregay
si
ncey
ou'
veneverbr
oughtanygir
lher
e
Icoul
dn'
thel
pbutl
augh
Ni
c:what
?Mom!
Her:
'shel
aughed'
I'
mrel
i
evedy
ounotmyboy
Hi
sdad:Sowherewereyouborn?Icanhear
t
haty
ou'
renotf
rom t
hiscount
ry
Whenev erpeopl easkedmewher eIwas
origi
nall
yfrom Igotanxi ousIdon'tknowwhy,
probablybecauset henextquesti
onwasgonna
beaboutmymot herthenmyf at
herthenit
wouldmakemeuncomf ort
ablemyAccent
reall
yblewt hi
ngsf ormebecausewhenpeopl e
l
ookedatmet heywoul djustassumeI '
m
colouredunt i
lIopenmymout handt alk.
.
Me:
Iwasbor
ninLondonsi
r
Hi
m:that
'sr
eall
yni
cewewentther
ewi
thmy
wi
fef
orouranni
ver
sar
ylasty
ear
Ismi
l
ednotbecauset
heywentt
her
ebutf
ort
he
f
actt
hathedi
dn'
taskany
thi
ngel
se
Hismom : Mysoncanr
eal
l
ypi
cknehy
ou'
resoo
gorgeous
Me:
Thanky
oumem :
)
Ni
c:wear
efr
iendsmom
Hi
smom j ustsmil
ed,wecont
inuedtal
kingunt
il
wefi
nishedeati
nghisfami
lywasreall
ynice
t
heywer eeasypeopl
e..
Ihadtogoandbath,nicbr
oughtmemysport
bagfr
om thecarIchangedint
ohi
ghwai
st
ski
nnyjeans,
awhi t
etopthenworeabl
ack
j
acketwithAi
rmax..
If
ixedmyhai
randgotr
eady
,Ni
ccamet
ocheck
onme
Hi
m:doy
our
eal
l
yhav
etogoEnt
le?
Me:uh-huhandIcannev
erst
ayher
eIal
ready
ov
erstayedmywelcome
Hi
m:Bul
l
!Mypar
ent
sreal
l
ylov
eyou
Me:
andt
heyt
hinkI
'
myourgi
rl
fr
iend
Hi
m:i
t'
snotaboutt
hat
Me:
Okayt
henI
'
m donewecango
Hesai
dnot
hingandgr
abbedhi
skey
s..
Hi
m:l
et'
sgo
Wet ookthebagsandonourwayoutIsai
dmy
goodbyestohispar
ent
sthenwewalkedout
Heopenedt
hegar
agedoor
Him: l
etmetakeoutt
hecarawuzukwazi
ungenail
apha
Hetookouthi
scar,
Awhit
eA4Audi
wit
hti
nted
wi
ndowsandblackri
mes
Hegotoutandpl
acedt
hebagsatt
hebackt
hen
openedt
hedoorf
orme
Me:
thanks(
Igoti
n)
Heal
sogoti
nanddr oveoff,hewassil
enton
t
hewayandInoti
cedt hatwhenhisf
eeli
ngs
wer
ehur
thedidn'
ttalkmuchhewast hekinda
guythatwoul
djustl
eti
tbei
nst
eadofmaki
ngi
t
obvi
ousthathi
smad..
Me:
youhav
eani
cecar
Hi
m:t
hanks
Me:
isi
tnew?
Hi
m:ki
ndaIgoti
tformy18t
hbi
rt
hday
Me:
that
'scool
,yourmom i
sasweet
hear
t
Hi
m:y
eahIsuppose
Me:
arey
oumad?
Hi
m: nowhywoul dIbe?I
tai
n'
tl
ikey
oumy
gi
rl
fr
iendandi
thi
Entle
Ilookedathim andsighed,Icoul
dn'
tbemore
thanfri
endswithNi cIwasn'tt
hatper
son"
The
romancet y
pe"Idi dn'
tbeli
eveanyonewho
spokeoflovewi t
hme, Mymom madesurethat
Inevergottounder st
andthemeaningofl
ove.
.
I
twassi
lenti
nthecarunt
ilwear
ri
vedatKhol
o'
s
pl
aceal
soverybeaut
if
ul
Ni
c:Cal
lherIt
hinkshe'
shomeIsawheri
n
t
ownear
li
eryest
erday
It
ookoutmyphoneandcal
l
edKhol
o
Her:
Baby
Me:
Comeout
side
Her:
uhm whatar
eyout
aki
ngabout
?
Idr
oppedt
hephone.
Me:
Thanky
ouf
orev
ery
thi
ng
Ni
c:Cool
Hewasl
ooki
ngdownt
ohi
sphonet
hewhol
e
t
ime
Me:
Nikho!
Hel
ookedup
Me: pl
easedon'
tbel
i
ket
his,
youknowhow
t
hingsare
Hi
m:noi
tschi
l
led
Me:
looki
'
llseey
ouagai
nbef
orewer
e-openI
pr
omi
se,
mat
teroff
actdomeaf
avor
It
ookoutt
hebankcar
ds
Me:pleasewi
thdrawasmuchcashasyoucan
f
rom eachcar
d,thedai
l
yli
miti
s10thousandI
t
hink
'
hegav
emeast
rai
ghtf
acel
ook'
Him:Entl
etheseare4cardswhatar
eyou
gonnadowiththatki
ndamoney?
Me: Ican'
ttel
lyounowbutpl
easegot
othe
bankassoonasnow
Hi
m:okayokayf
ine
Me:
i'
ll
smsy
out
hepi
n
IsawKhol
orunni
ngt
owar
dst
hecar
Ni
c:i
'
llseey
ouwhenIseey
ou
Heki
ssedmycheekandIgotof
fandr
an
t
owardsKhol
owehugged
Khol
o:ohmyGodwhatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?
Shewassoexci
ted
Me: It
houghtaboutt
aki
ngy
ouony
ourof
fert
o
vi
sit
Shewasl
it
eral
l
yjumpi
ngar
ound,
shegreeted
Nict
hent
ookmybagsandwewalkedi
nside.
.
Khol
o:youhav
etoexpl
ainhowy
oumetupwi
th
Nicf
ir
st
Me:i'
l
ltel
lyouever
ythi
ngmyfr
iend,
jeezi
s
ev
eryki
dthatgoestoMolt
enori
ch??
Khol
o:al
most
Welaughed,
Kholo'
splacewasn'
ttoobi
gbuti
t
wasadoublest
ory..
Kholo:uf
ikekakhl
emyfri
endabazal
iwentf
or
ther
apyinP.efort
heweekendwegonnapart
y!!

Agoodt
imei
sjustwhatIneeded:
D
[
07/
11,
17:
56]Ron:
TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n
I
nser
t11

Khol
oshowedmear oundthehousethenwe
wenttochil
li
nt hebalcony,It
oldherevery
thing
shewasangr ybutalsohappyIgotthecourage
tostandupformy selfandl
eavebeforethi
ngs
gotoutofhand..
Khol
o:sodoy
out
hinkshe'
l
lgety
ouar
rest
ed?
Me: Noshe'
sprobabl
ygonnacurseme,t
he
moneyItooki
snotevenhalfofwhatwehav
e
chomy
Khol
o:whataboutt
het
rustf
undt
haty
ourdad
l
eftf
oryou?
Me:Icanonl
yputmyhandsoni
twhenIt
urn
18
Her:y
hochomyI'm sor
ryaboutt
hiswhol
ethi
ng
maybeyoushoul
dreporty
ourmom or
somethi
ng
Me:
Not
hatwon'
tchangeany
thi
ngImeany
esI
mightgai
nal i
ttl
ebutitwon'tbuymeherlove
andthat'
stheonlyt
hingItrulyneedf
rom her
,j
usttoknowthatIhav ef
ami lyt
hatl
ovesme
she'
smyonl yfamil
yKholobutheymyDadhad
todi
e
Kholo:Lookchomydon'tstressaboutthi
s
wholethi
ngjustworkhardtopasswi thgood
gradesandgetabursaryyou'l
ltakecareoft
he
restwhenyouturn18
Me: Yeaht
hat
'sthepl
an,
Iguessi'
l
lcrossthat
bri
dgewhenIgetther
eIr
eal
lyshoul
dn'tbethi
s
hardonmyself
.
'
Myphoner
ang'
Me:
speaki
ngoft
hedev
il
Khol
o:I'
m guessi
ngshesawt
hemi
ssi
ngcash
andcar
ds
Me:
Thembi
e
Mom :Mbal
entl
esi
ncewhenareyouat
hiefhuh?
Wher
ethehell
arey
ouanyways?
Me: soyoujustnoticednowthatI
'
m notther
e
wow, i
didn'
tstealanythi
ngIt
ookitandI'
m
nev
ercomi ngbackagai n
Her:whenyouar
eti
redofy
ourl
i
ttl
egames
br
ingbackmymoney
Me:ohIdon'
tplaygamesandi
t'
snoty
our
moneyi
t'
smyf ather
's
Her: '
shel aughed' youknowy oucanhav eit
butuy azi mychi l
dit'
sthelastpennyyou'
llev
er
getdon' tbothergoingtothebankagai nI
blockedt hecar dssokesibonehowl ongitwil
l
takeunt ilyourunbackt omommy ..ohand
don'tbot hercomi ngback
'
shehangup'
Khol
oaskedwhatshesai
dasIwasst
il
l
pr
ocessi
ngherwordsi
nmyhead,i
tol
dher
..
Kholo:y
ourmom needspr
ayer
sfr
iendl
i
ke
ser
iousstuf
f
Me:
youknowapar
tfr
om ev
ery
thi
ngwhatst
il
l
surpri
sesmeisthef
actt
hatshesoundshappy
she'snotwor
ri
edKholol
i
kesheshouldbe
Kholo: I
'my ourf
amil
ynow,don'
tgetanyofthat
stuffi
ny ourheadwegonnadealwit
hthis
togetherbutIsweartoGodonedayshe'
llkneel
beforeyouandbegf oryout
oforgi
veher
Me: asfrom todayIdon' thaveamot herIwil
l
neverf or
giveherf orthi
s, IguessIshouldstart
l
earni ngtotakecar eofmysel fnotthatshe
evert ookcareofmei twasal way smyol dman
butbecausemyf atherlovedmel ikenothingon
thi
sear thIguessIj ustassumedmymot herdi
d
too..whydoesshehat emesomuchKhol o?(a
tearescapedmyey e)
Khol
o:Chomydon'
ti
t'
snotev
enwor
thi
t
Shereachedf
ormycheekandwi
pedi
twi
thher
hand
Kholo:lookt
hisisy
ourlastdayhur
ti
ng
becauseofyourmothershedoesn'
teven
deserv
et obeyourmother,
tel
lyouwhatl
et'
sgo
downst
air
sandst
artpl
anni
ngt
hispar
tyneh
Me:
Yeah:
)
Wewentdownstai
rsint
heloungeandKhol
o
star
tedmaki
ngcal
ls,
Shecall
edherboyf
ri
end
tobri
ngboozet
henwestar
tedcleani
ngt
he
house
Khol
o: youdi
dn'
ttel
lmeaboutwhaty
ouand
Nicgotupto
Me:
Itol
dyouwej
ustsl
ept
Khol
o:I
nthesamebed?
Me:
Yeschomybutwi
thsepar
atebl
anket
s
Shel
aughed
Khol
o:Iwannaunder
standkal
okchomy
Me:
NikhoandIar
ejustf
ri
ends
Her:youknowhefeel
ssomethi
ngmoref oryou
andi'
veknownNi
csincewewerekidsbuti'
ve
neverseenhi
mtr
ippi
ngli
kehedoesony ou
Me:
Khol
oyouknowIcan'
t
Her:
whatar
eyouaf
rai
dofMbal
i
e?
Me:
Idon'
tl
ikehi
mthatway
Her:ohpleasey
oumightnotr
eal
i
zei
tnowbut
you'
rei
nlovewit
hhi
m
Me:
what
?No!Whatmakesy
ouev
ensayt
hat?
Her:backatschoolyoucannev
ergoaday
wit
houtseei
nghi myoualwayst
alkabouthi
m
andhowdoy ouexplaint
hewayyoureyes
spar
kledwheny ouj
usttol
dmehemadey ou
meethispar
ents?
Me:
youj
ustov
ert
hinki
ngt
hingsKhol
o
Her:ifyousaysobutmaybeyoushoul
dalso
honestl
yquesti
onyoursel
ftowhyyouareso
fondofhim
Me:becausehi
sani
ceguyandhehappenst
o
bemyfri
end
Khol
ojustl
ookedatmeandsmi
l
ed
Her:
let
'sf
ini
shup
Wear
rangedt
hingst
henl
aterwentt
obat
h..
Iworeablackti
ghtshor
tdr
esswithlace
sl
eevesandgladi
atorbr
ownsandles,asi
lv
er
neckpi
ecethenIti
edmyhairup,Kholomade
mewearal i
ttl
emakeup..
Shewaswear i
ngwhi
teshor
tsandalong
vi
ntageshi
rtwit
hbl
ackvansthenst
yledher
weave.
Soonherboyf
ri
endarr
ivedwit
hbooze,
she
i
ntroducedmethenweallchi
l
led.
.
Khol
o:di
dyoucal
lNi
c?
Me:ei
shyeahIwasaboutt
o(Igotupt
hen
st
oodasi
de)
Idi
aledhi
snumber'
hi
sphoner
ang'
Ni
c:Ent
le
Me:
heyar
eyoubusy
Him:uhm notr
eal
l
yyouwantmet
obr
ingt
he
cash?
Me: NoIwasjustgonnainv
itey
ou,Khol
o
or
ganizedt
hispart
ythingIt
houghtyoumight
wannacome
Hi
m:soi
not
herwor
dsy
ouwannaseeme?
Me:YeahImeanwecanchi
l
lify
ouwantof
cour
se
Hel
aughedal
i
ttl
e
Hi
m:ther
e'snot
hingwr
ongi
nsay
ingy
ouwant
t
oseemey ouknow
Me:
uhm Iknow
Him:okayI
'
m gonnadropmylit
tl
ebr
other
hometheni
macomet hroughwi
thmyfri
ends
Me:
Okaycool
,sayhi
formet
ohi
m
Hi
m:wi
l
ldo
Idroppedthephoneandwentbacktot
he
others,i
twasgett
ingl
ateandpeopl
ewere
start
ingtofi
l
lupthehouse
Me:
Ithoughty
ousai
ditwasgonnabeal
i
ttl
e
somet
hing
Khol
o'sBoy
fri
endLuy
olo:
Lit
tl
eisBi
gtoher
Wel
aughed
Her:
Ican'
thel
pitbesi
desIwannai
ntr
oduce
yout
osomepeoplechomy
Me:
youknowIdon'
tl
iket
hat
Her:
comeon
Me:
Okayf
ine
WeopenedsixpacksofHunt er
sgoldand
purpl
eicet
henstart
eddri
nking,peoplej
oined
usandKholostar
tedtoi
ntroducemet osome
ofheroldf
ri
endswhichIdon'tevenremember..
Around7o'cl
ockIsawNi candhisfr
iendscome
i
n,HelookedsooHothewaswear i
ngr i
pped
bl
ackjeanswithapri
ntedlongvest
,jaysthen
hehadascorchedshir
twr appedar
oundhi s
waist
..
Iwasabi
tti
psandKhol
owasbusymaki
ngout
wi
thherboy
fri
end-
_-,
Ist
oodupandwentt
o
Ni
c
Me:
hey
Hi
m:Hey:
),wowy
oul
ookamazi
ng
Me:
thankssodoy
ou
Wetal
kedabi
twi
thhi
sfr
iendst
henhi
m andI
wentt
oKhol
o
Thepl acewasnowfull
ofpeopl
e,westar
ted
dri
nkingshotspeopl
eweredanci
ngIcoul
dn't
real
l
ydancesoIkeptmycool
Ni
c:i
'
llbebackneh
Me:
Okay
HewentawayandKhol
ocamet
osi
tnextt
o
me
Her:y
oudon'
tfr
iendzoneguy
swhoar
ethat
hot
Me:
pleasedon'
tst
artwi
thy
ourbul
l
shi
t
Shel
aughedandpul
l
edmet
odance,
wehear
d
girl
sscreamingwhenIlookedNi cwasdancing
l
ikeseri
ouslydanci
ng,hewasoneoft hose
guysthatwhentheydancey oucan'thel
pbut
stopandwat chIwassoosur pr
isedbecauseI
didn'
tevenknowhecoul ddance..
Me:
younev
ert
oldmehecandance
Khol
o:It
houghty
ouknew
Shealsostar
tedscr
eami
ng,butwhenNic
turnedandsawmelooki
nghelaughedand
stopped
Me:
hisr
eal
l
ygood(
Iwasl
i
ter
all
yst
unned)
Khol
osmi
l
ed
Me:butIdon'
twannadat
ea.
..
whatdoy
oucal
l
t
hischomy?
Her:
Avul
aiseki
l
eki
ndaguy
?
Me:
yest
hatIdon'
tl
iket
hat
Her:
ohsoyouareconsider
ingdati
nghim,well
hi
snotr
eal
l
ythathehardlyevendancesandi
thi
nawei
t'
syourf
ir
stt
imeseei
nghi
m dance
Me:
Gobackt
oyourman'
Ipl
ayf
ull
ypushedher
'
Khol
o: gogety
our
s(shel
aughedandwal
ked
away)
Ni
ccameback
Hi
m:Iwashopi
ngy
ouwoul
dn'
tseet
hat
Me:
wel
lIdi
dyou'
repr
ett
ygood
Hi
m:i
t'
snot
hing,
hepul
l
edme
Me:
wher
ear
eyout
aki
ngme?
Hi
m:out
sidei
t'
stoonoi
syi
nher
e
Me:
ohokay
Wegotoutsi
det
hensatont
hest
air
sint
he
doorway
Ni
c:Igoty
ourmoneyi
t'
sint
hecar
Me:
Thanky
ou
Hi
m:soar
eyougonnat
ell
mewhat
'
sup?
Me:
may
be:
)
Hi
m:di
dIt
ell
youhowbeaut
if
uly
ouar
e?
Me:
yesmor
ethanonce
Hesmi
l
ed
Wewentsi
l
entf
orawhi
l
e,Iwasdr
unkbutnot
t
oodr
unk
Me:
I'
m col
d
Hestoodupandunwr
appedhi
sshi
rtf
rom hi
s
wai
stthengav
eitt
ome
Me:
youal
l
owi
ngmet
orui
nyourswag?
Hel
aughed
Hi
m:noi
tsokayi
fit
'sy
ou
Whi
l
stwewer
est
il
lst
andi
ng
Him:youknowmybedandT-
shi
rtst
il
lsmel
l
l
ikey
ou
Me:
isn'
tthatagoodt
hing?
Hi
m:soy
oul
i
ket
ort
uri
ngme?Hav
ingmet
hink
abouty
oual
lni
ght
Me:
may
be
Hecameclosecor
ner
ingmet
owar
dst
hewal
l
..
Ourl
ipsmet:)
[
07/
11,
17:
57]Ron:
TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t12

Wekissed,hewr
appedhisar
msar
oundmy
wai
stpull
ingmecloset
ohim..
Itwasn'
tmyf i
rstkissbutitwast hebesti'
ve
evergot,hislipswer esosof tandhecoul d
real
lyuset hem hedi dt hi
ngswi t
hhislipsthat
gavemeaf eeli
ngIcoul dn'tev enexpl
ainIwon't
l
ieIwasenj oyingitandIdi dn'twanthimt ostop
butthepr oblem wast hatIf eltli
keItwasgonna
gotoof ar,thatnightIlearntt hatwheny oumix
agoodki sserandal coholthenpr epareyoursel
f
forl
evel 2..
Ibr
oket
heki
ss
Me:
uhm wehav
etogobacki
nsi
de
Hesmi
ledandopenedt
hedoorf
orme,
wewent
i
nsi
de.
.
Kholo:i
'
vebeenlooki
ngfory
ouguy s,
where
haveyoubeen?Nicwhyareyourey
essored?
Me:
wewentoutf
orai
r
Ni
c:I
'
m dr
unkt
hat
'swhy
Heki
ssedmeont
hecheekt
henwal
kedt
ohi
s
f
ri
ends
Khol
owasj ustst
andi
ngi
nfr
ontofmesmi
l
ing
l
ikearet
ardedperson
Me:
what
?
Khol
o:mmhnot
hing:
)
Me:
argl
et'
sgogetdr
unkpumpki
n
Ipul
l
edhert
owher
ewewer
esi
tt
ing
Me:
wher
eisLuy
olo?
Her:
hel
eftt
obuymor
ebooze
Me:Khol
oreall
y?You'
real
readydr
unkand
t
her
e'sst
il
lpl
entyl
eftwhybuymore
Her:becauseIwannagetdr unkt
henpassout
wakeupt hefol
lowingmor ni
ngnot
r
emember i
ngshitthat
'showIr ol
l(shegrabbed
abott
leofskyv odkaanddr ankstr
aightout
f
rom it
)
Iwasint
earswi
thlaughterjustt
hewayshe
sai
dthewholet
hingasifit'
sagoodthi
ng
Me:
you'
resuchabi
tch
Wel aughed, Iendedupt akingendl essshot sI
neverrealizedal coholmademef eel t
hatgood
unti
lthatdayi tmademeescapef r
om r ealit
yall
thecrapt hatwasgoi ngonseemedl ikeaj oke
whenIwasdr unk,noitdidn'thurtIj ustlaughed
aboutitandcur sedmymot herlikehel lthat'
s
wheret hingsst artedtogowr ongf inding
somet hingt hat'sgonnamakey ouf orgetthings
notrealisingt hatthenextdaywheny ousobar
real
i
tywi
ll
hitthenyou'
l
l wantmoreagai
nunt
ili
t
becomesarepeati
vecycleofaddi
cti
on.
.

Ni
ccamet
ousagai
nIwasal
readysodr
unk
Hi
m:whyar
eyoudr
inki
ngl
i
ket
his?
Me:
li
kewhat
?
Hi
m:l
i
key
ou'
reoutofy
ourf
uckenmi
ndEnt
le
Hegrabbedt
hebot
tl
efr
om myhandandl
anded
i
ttosomeguy
Me:
heyt
hatwasmydr
ink
Hi
m: you'
redr
unkMbal
ent
lewhycont
inuet
o
dr
inkl
i
kethis?
Me:
becauseIwantt
odr
ink!
Ipul
l
edaciderfr
om t
het
abl
ehepul
l
edi
tout
myhandagain
Ni
c:you'
renotgonnadr
inkmor
e,cany
ouev
en
wal
k?
Me:Ni
khodon'
ttel
lmewhatt
odoy
ou'
renot
myboy
fri
end
Hi
m:okayImaynotbet
hatbutIcar
e
Me:
Sweet
!NowcanIdr
ink?
Him:wowEnt l
e,knowwhat
?Fi
ne!Dr
ink
your
sel
ftodeath
Hewal
kedaway
Me:Fineit
snotli
keIhaveany
thi
ngt
olose
whenIdieI'
m al
oneonthi
seart
hany
ways!!
Ri
ghtaf
tert
hatkhol
o'sboyf
riendwal
kedi
nwi
th
atr
ayofmixedci
ders,wedrank..
Khol
o:ChomyI
'
m comi
ngnehIwannapee
Me:
okaychomy
Shel
eftwi
thLuy
olo.
.
Someguycameandsatnextt ome,t
hemusic
wasloudsoIcoul
dn'
thearexact
lywhathewas
say
ingpartofmesti
l
lthi
nkshespokeinalow
voi
ceonpurposej
ustsohecouldcomeclose
t
ome.
.
Guy:
thi
sisani
cepar
ty
Me:
huh?
Hecamecl
ose
Hi
m:t
hisi
sani
cepar
ty!
Me: ohy
eahmyf
ri
endi
sgoodwi
tht
heseki
nda
t
hings
Hi
m:ohy
ou'
rekhol
o'
sfr
iend?
Me:
that
'swhatIsai
d
Themusi cwasloudandasIgotdr unkeritfelt
l
ikeitalsobecamel ouder,
peopleweredanci ng
j
usthav ingagreatti
met hehousewasf ulland
I
'm surehalfofthepeoplethatwerethere
weren'teveninvi
ted
Him:ohokayI
'
m( Idi
dn'
tev
enhearwhathe
sai
dhisnamewas)
Me:
Okayni
cename
Hi
m:canwet
alkmay
beout
sideorupst
air
s
may
be?
Hehel
dmyhands
Me:
I..
Ni
cwal
kedoutofnowher
eandpul
l
edme
Hi
m:Sor
rychapshe'
staken
Guy:
okaynoshar
pbr
a
Wewer
eal
readywal
ki
ngaway.
.
Me:
what
'
syourpr
obl
em?Wher
ear
eyout
aki
ng
me?
Hedidn'
tsayany t
hinghejustdraggedme
out
sidethenint
ohi scar
,Icouldn'
tevenfight
hi
m Iwast oodrunktoevenstandpr oper
ly.
Hefussinedmysafet
ybeltt
henwentt
othe
ot
hersideanddrov
eof f
..
IwasbusymumblingIdon'
tev
enknowwhatI
wassayi
ngbutsoonIwasoutli
keali
ght
..
IwokeupwhenNi
cwaspl
aci
ngmeont
hebed
Me:
Iwannat
hrowup
Hequi cklywal kedmet othebat hr
oom, Imade
him wai tatdoort henwenti nsidekneel
ednext
tothet oil
etseatandv omi t
edl i
keunti
lI
regret
teddr inking,if
inishedrinsedmymout h
thenwentout ..
Hi
m:ar
eyouokay
?
Me:
I'
m dy
ing
Heheldmebacktotheroom t
henpl
acedme
undert
hecov
ersagain
Ni
c:It
oldy
out
ost
opdr
inki
ng
Me:
Ireal
l
ydon'
tneedal
ect
urer
ightnow
Iwasfeel
ingmoresickthandrunk,Ni
ccame
backwit
hi cewat
erIdrankthenwenttosl
eepI
fel
thi
m kissmyforeheadthat'
sthel
astt
hingI
remember
.
..
.
Iwokeupt
ofi
ndat
raynextt
othebedwi
th
pancakes,eggsandv iennasandanot ewrit
ten
'
drinkthi
s'thennexttoi tthewasaglasswi t
h
orangejui
ceandpills,ismi l
edt
omy selfgotup
andwentt othebathroom t owashmyf aceon
mywaybackImetNi c'smom ont hehallwayI
wantedtot ur
nbackandr unbutIcoul
dn't:v..
Her:
Idi
dn'
tknowy
ouwer
eher
ehel
l
obaby
(
shehuggedme)
Me:
Hel
l
oma'
Il
ookeddown'
Her:nowonderNi
cwokeupandmade
br
eakfast:
)
Ismi
l
ed
Her:
Ijustsenthimt
otakehi
sli
tt
lebr
othert
o
hi
sgrandparent
she'
l
lbebacknownow
Me:
it'
sokayma
Her:
okaymyLov
efeel
freet
ohel
pyoursel
fin
t
hekit
chen
Me:
Thanky
ou:
)
Iquickl
ywalkedint
oNi c'
sroom,Iwaswear
ing
hisT-shi
rtandboxershort
sIdidn'
tev
en
rememberwhenIchangedt ohi
sclot
hes
Igoti
nbedandatethendr
ankt
hepi
l
lsand
wentbackt
osleep.
.
Afewminut
eslat
erNicwal kedinandsatnext
t
omeont hebedwithoutsayinganyt
hing,
i
l
if
tedmyheadandlookedathi m
Me:
whydi
dyoubr
ingmeher
e?
Hi
m: becauseIknewt
hingswoul
dn'
tendwel
l
l
astni
ght
Me:
Khol
omustbewor
ri
ed
Hi
m:It
ext
edher
Me:
lookwhathappenedy
est
erday
..
.
Hei
nter
rupt
edme
Hi
m:y
ouwer
edr
unk
Me:
Nobut
..
Hi
m:i
tdoesn'
tmat
terEnt
leIknewi
twoul
dget
t
othatbutasl
ongasy
ouknowi
'
llal
way
scar
e
f
oryou
Me:
Thanky
ouf
orev
ery
thi
ng
Him:yeah,i
'
llgi
veyouyourmoneysoy
oucan
banki
tthentakeyoubacktoKhol
o
Idon'tknowwhybutmyhear twasr eal
lyheavy
,
may bebecauseofthefactt
hatIreall
yloved
NikhobutIfoughtwit
hthefeel
ingsIdidn'
twant
tofeelanyt
hing.
.
Me:
Nikho?
Hi
m:Ent
le
Me:
thi
sisdeepert
hany
ou'
l
lev
erunder
stand
Hi
m: andmylovef
ory
oui
sdeepert
hany
ou'
l
l
ev
erunder
stand
Me:Iwanttoreal
l
yIdobutIcan'tbewit
hyou,
andhowdidIgeti
nthesecl
othesifImayask?
Hi
m:i
fyouwant
edt
oyouwoul
d,Idr
essedy
ou
up
Me:
uhm okay
Hi
m: yepIsawyourbody
,itl
ooksev
enbet
ter
wi
thoutany
thi
ngonit
Ipunchedhi
m
Ni
c: '
hel
aughed'I
'
mjustpl
ayi
ngwi
thy
oubutI
di
dtakeof
fyourdr
ess
Me:
yousuchani
diot:
)
(
hel
ookedi
ntomyey
es)
Hi
m:l
ookIgaty
ouEnt
le
[
07/
11,
17:
58]Ron:
TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t13

Me:
Iknowy
oudoNi
c
Him: Good,yousai
dsomethi
ngaboutnot
gi
vingadamni fyoudi
ebecauseyou'
realone
anywayslastni
ght,
whatwasthatabout
?
Me:
uhm not
hatwaspr
obabl
ydr
unkt
alk
Hi
m:Mbal
ent
le?
Me:
mmh?
Hi
m:whenar
eyougonnal
ear
ntot
rustme?
Me:Ican'
ttr
ustanyoneNikhoIcan'
thel
pitI
'
m
j
ustnott
hetrust
ingper
son..
Hi
m:Youcant
rustme
Hehel
dbot hmyhands, Ifi
gur
edImi ghtaswell
t
ell
him mystorybecausehewasr eall
ythere
f
ormeandhehel pedal otIowedhimt hat
muchatleastf
orcari
ngaboutme. .
'
Itookadeepbr
eathandlookedathi
mt hen
t
oldhimthewhol
estory
,start
ingf
rom my
f
ather'
sdeat
hsomethi
ngthatwassodeepf or
me'
Nikho:NowIunderstandwhyyou'
rel
iket
his,
you'r
escaredofl
ett
inganyonel
oveyou
becauseyoudon'
treall
yknowhowitis
Me:
wel
lnowy
ouknow
Him: Butnotev er
yoneisgonnat ur
noutlike
yourmother,I'
m dif
ferentEntl
ey esIdon'
t
expectyoutotrustwhatIt el
lyoubutI'm sure
youcanseei tforyourself
..I
'm notgonnalieI'
m
aplayeryoualsoknowt hatokayletme
rephr
aseIwasapl ayerbutI'
m notaboutt hat
anymorei'v
egr ownf r
om gamesIr eal
lyl
ikeyou
i
tsmor ethanjustli
kingit'
slove
Me: Nikhoit
'snotaboutyoubutmeI'
m not
scaredofyouI'
m scaredofme,Idon'
tknowif
I'
m capabl
eofsharinglov
ewithsomeone
Him:whynott
ryEnt
le?Imeancany
ouatl
east
admi
tthaty
ouli
keme
Ismi
l
edandl
ookedaway
Me: Idon'
tknow, maybeIdot
hingi
si'
venev
er
beeninarelat
ionshi
psoIdon'
tknowwhat
bei
nginlovereall
yfeel
sli
ke
Hi
m:ar
eyoubei
ngser
ious?
Icov
eredmy
sel
fwi
thmyhands
Me:
yes
Him:howcome?Imeanyou'
rebeaut
if
ult
hat
'
s
anunder
stat
ementev
en
Me: wellIdon'
tknowIjustnevergott
imeto
dateIguess,act
uall
yIdon'tr
ememberbeing
i
nterest
edi nsomeone
Ni
kho:
soImightbey
ourf
ir
stof
fi
cial
boy
fri
end?
'
hesmi
led'
Me:
Might:
)
Hi
m:sowasi
tyourf
ir
stki
ssl
astni
ght
Me:
Noi
twasn'
t
Hi
m:Iwasgonnasayy
ou'
reanat
ural
Il
aughed
Me:
I'
m sur
eIam
Hi
m: Idon'
tdoubtt
hat,i
'
veki
ssedsoomany
gi
rl
sbut..
.letmeshutup
Me:
yespl
easedo
Ni
c:Ihav
etosayt
hemoneyt
hingwasasmar
t
move
Me:
wel
lIam smar
t:
)
Wesatont hebedt alki
ngaboutevery
thi
ng,I
wasn'tsureifIwasr eadytori
skbeingwit
hNic
butIfeltli
keitwaswor thatr
ysowedeci dedto
takethingsslow..Hewasupsetaboutwhatmy
mot herwasdoi ngbutthewasnothinganyone
coulddohej ustsuppor t
edme
.
..
Laterduri
ngt hedayKhol ocalledmet el l
i
ngme
shemi ssedmeImustcomeback, Iwentt o
baththenNi khol andedmehi sjeanswhi ch
wereskinnyj eansonmeandhi svest,his
mot herdemandedt hatIgohav elaunchwi t
h
them Ididthenr ightaf
tert
hatNi khodr oveme
backt okholo's,ontheway .
..
Hi
m:socanIcal
lyouBabe?
Me:
don'
tpushi
t
Wel
aughed
Soonwear
ri
ved,
hecameov ert
oopent
hedoor
formet
henwewalkedi
nsi
de
Khol
owasonherpj
'
swat
chi
ngTVwi
tht
he
cur
tai
nscl
osed
Me:
youl
ookl
i
kehel
l
Kholo:yhomyf r
iendIhav
ethemotherof
hangov
er sIcan'
tevenmeetwi
tht
helight
Ni
c:y
oudr
inkl
i
keacr
azyper
son
Khol
o:hahamxm asi
f
'
wesatdown,
Nicst
ayedf
orawhi
l
e..
Ni
c:Ihav
etogo
Khol
o:seey
ouchap
Hi
m:y
ougi
rl
sbehav
e
Wel
aughed
Khol
o:al
way
s
Ni
khost
oodupandki
ssedmeont
hel
i
ps
Hi
m:may
bei
'
llcomebyl
aterneh
Me:
Okay
Hewalkedout
,Khol
owassmil
i
ngl
i
keaf
ool
l
ooki
ngatmet hewhol
eti
me
Me:
what
?
Her:
whatj
usthappened?
Me:
whathappened?
Shel
aughedandt
hrewmewi
thapi
l
low
Her:
youguy
sjustki
ssed
Me:
so?
Shej
umpedt
osi
tont
hecouchIwassi
tt
ingon
Her:
arey
ouguy
sdat
ingnow?
Me: Iwoul
dn'tsaydat
ingbuty
eahIguesswe
doi
ngsomet hingl
iket
hat
Shegr
abbedmet
henhuggedme
Her:
final
l
yI'
m soohappyf
ory
oubabe
Me:
Bit
chgetof
fme
Shel
aughed
Her:Iforgotyou'
renotromanti
cbutI'm sure
Nicwil
lputy outoit
,ser
iousl
ythoughI'
m happy
you'
regivingitat
ryyoulovehim butmay beyou
haven'
treali
zedthatyet
Me: Ihaveactuall
yit
'saccepti
ngitthatI
'
m sti
ll
str
uggli
ngwi t
h,thi
swhol ethi
ngscaresmeand
Idon'
tknowhowI '
m gonnadoi tbutheyIfeel
somethingforhim
Kholo:i
'l
lbeher
eeveryst
epofthewaymy
fr
iendIknowyou'
rescar
edofwhatl
ovecando
toyoubuttr
ustmeitcanbegood
Me:
i'
ll
takey
ourwor
doni
t
Khol
o:good: )
,let
'sgomakepopcornsoyou
cant
ell
met heki
ndashitIgotupt
olastni
ght
Il
aughed
Me: Idon'
tunder
standwhyy
oual
way
sdr
inkt
o
bl
ackout
Her:
hahahai
tsf
un
Me:butyoudon'
tgett
oremembershi
t,y
ou'
re
sowei
rd
Wel
aughedasshepul
l
edmet
otheki
tchen.
.

.
..
.
Day spassedandsoonwehadt ogobacktores,
mymot hernevercalledagai nIt ri
edtoavoi
dit
butthet r
uthisthati
tbot heredmeIwas
thi
nkingofherev erydaybutKhol owasalways
theretotakemyheadoft hi
ngs, herpar
ents
camebackandImett hem t heywer eni
ce
peoplebutitwasashamet hatt heywereso
brokeny oucouldfeel t
heheav inessbetween
kholo'
smom anddadwhi chkindamademe
feeluncomf ort
ablebutt heywant edmet ost
ay
throughallthat
.
Ni
candIwer
eokayIwaski
ndagetti
ngusedt
o
hi
m bei
ngmyboy
fri
end,
ourr
elat
ionshi
pwas
mostlybasedonf ri
endshi
pwhichmade
ever
ythingeasierheunder
stoodmeandIl
i
ked
howIf eltar
oundhim..
WewokeuponSundaymorningandpacked
ourt
hings,
wef
ixedev
ery
thi
ngthengotreadyt
o
go.
Khol
o'
smom wast
aki
ngust
ores,
aft
ereat
ing
welef
t.
.
Wear r
ivedatschoolthenwenttounpackour
thi
ngs,peopl
estart
edar r
ivi
ngandsoonitwas
backtothenormal cr
owdedv i
be
Khol
o:i
sNi
cbacky
et?
Me:
Idon'
tknow
Theheadgi r
lcomer oom toroom announci
ng
thatourmetri
cjacketswherearr
ivi
ngt he
foll
owingdayandwewer egonnahav ea
meet i
ngaboutourfarewell
.
Khol
o:Ican'
twai
tfort
hef
arewel
lchomy
Me:
arey
ougonnagowi
thLuy
olo?
Her:
ofcour
se
Me:
mmh:
)
Her:
sur
elyy
ou'
real
sogoi
ngwi
thNi
c
Me:
Idon'
tthi
nkI
'
m goi
ng
Her:
whynot'
herf
acechanged'
Me: Ican'
tbet
hinki
ngaboutgoi
ngtothedance
whi
lstIhavebi
ggerthi
ngsgoi
ngonKholo,I
hav
et ospendt
hemoneyIhav ewisel
yIst
il
l
hav
eal ongwaytogo
Kholo:
ohshi
tthat
,butIcanhel
pyouwi
thal
l
that
Me:
Nochomybesi
desNichasn'
tev
enasked
mey
etmaybehi
sal
sonotgoing
Khol
o:i
fyou'
renotgoi
ngt
henIwon'
tgo
Me:
you'
recr
azyy
esy
ou'
l
lgo
Khol
o:but
..
Me:
Nokhol
o
Her:
Finel
et'
sgodownst
air
s
Wewentdownst
air
sandUnakocamer
unni
ng
t
ous,
shehuggedKholot
hentr
iedt
ohugme
Me:
Idon'
tl
ikehugs
Her:
sti
l
labi
tchIsee
Me:y
ourememberwhathappenedt
hel
ast
t
imeyoucal
l
edmethat'
Ismiled'
Kholo:guy
spl
ease!Cany
ougetal
ongf
ora
minute
Unako:
what
ever,
ihav
eal
ott
otel
lyou
Ispot
tedNi
cent
eri
ngt
hehal
landwal
kedt
o
him
Unako:
wher
eyougoi
ng?
Me:
tohel
l
Iwal
kedupt
oNi
c
Hehuggedandl
i
ftedme
Hi
m:Ihav
en'
tseeny
oui
n3f
ull
day
s
Me:
you'
vebeent
ext
ingmet
hough
Hi
m:st
il
lImi
ssedy
ou'
heki
ssedme'
Me:
Ial
sodi
d:
)
Hi
m:heycanIasky
ousomet
hing?
Me:
Yeahsur
e
Hi
m:cany
oubemydat
eont
hedance
Bef
oreIcouldanswerUnakowalkedupi
nfr
ont
ofmepushingmeawayf rom Ni
c
Her:
youbackst
abbi
ngBi
tch!

Thi
sgi
rlagai
n!!
?
[
07/
11,
17:
59]Ron:
TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t14

Me:
didy
ouj
ustcal
lmeabi
tchagai
n?
Unako: matteroffactIdi
d,you'r
eaback
stabbi
ngbitchy oupret
endednott oli
keNi
ck
wheny ouprettymuchknewy ouwerewait
ing
fortheri
ghtoppor t
unit
ytosnitchhim!
Nikho:Unakoenoughofy ourchi
ldi
shness,
we
bothknowIneverlov
edy ouwhydoy ouhaveto
causedrama?Yourratchetnessi
sat ur
noff.
Unako:
Butni
ck.
.
Nikho:
nost opi
tal
readybesi
desdon'
tyou
haveagir
lf
ri
end?
Unakokeptqui
et,
Iwasnowfol
dingmyar
ms
enj
oyi
ngBaestandingupf
orme
Ni
ck:
exact
lywhatIt
houghtnowgr
owup
Heheldmyhandandwewal kedaway ,
Iturned
tolookatUnakowhowasj ustst
andingthere
withafaceli
keshewasslappedwi t
hawet
clot
hIsmiledandwinkedatherthenwalked
awaylikeabossthatIam.
.
Ni
ckandIwentt
osi
tout
side
Hi
m: sor
ryaboutt
hatIdon'
twantour
r
elat
ionshi
ptobebasedondr ama,Unakowas
j
ustoneofmypl ayboyphase
Me: howdoIknowyouwon'tsaythesame
t
hingaboutmetoyournex
tgirl
fr
iend
Hi
m: Il
oveyouEntl
ei'
veneversai
dthose
wor
dstoanyothergi
rlbef
ore
Ismi
l
ed
Me:
Ihav
eadeepr
egar
dfory
ouaswel
l
Hegi
ggl
ed
Him:youneedt
olear
ntouset
hewor
d'l
ove'
youknow
Me:
may
beIwi
l
l:
)
Hi
m:soar
eyougonnabemydat
e?
Me:
uhm.
.Ican'
tgoni
ck
Hi
m:whynot
?
Me: wel
lyouknowIhav ealotgoi
ngonandI
hav
et ousemyfinanceswisel
yunti
lIcanget
myf
unds
Him: comeonEnt l
eyoudon'
tneedtoworr
y
aboutthat
,i'
l
ltakecar
eofever
ythi
ngyoucan
paymebackbygoi ngwit
hme
Me:
Ican'
tacceptt
hatsor
ry
Hi
m:y
ou'
renotbei
ngr
easonabl
e
Me: Idon'
tneedtobeokay,I'
m notafl
i
ppin
chari
tycaseI'
m notgonnakeepsayi
ngyesto
peopledoingst
uffforme
Hewentsi
l
entf
orawhi
l
e..
Me:
GoshI
'
m sor
ryf
orbei
nghar
shbutIcan'
t!
Hi
m:Isee
'
hest
oodupandl
eft
Me:
Nikho?
Hei
gnor
edmeandwenti
nsi
de
Me:
great
!
Ial
sost
oodupandwentt
omyr
oom,
whenI
gotthereUnakoandKholower esit
ti
ngontop
ofthestudytabl
eslooki
ngoutt heWindow,
I
sai
dnot hi
ngIjustwentstr
aightundermy
covers.
Khol
o:f
ri
endwhat
'sup?
Me:
not
hingI
'
mjustt
ir
ed
Unako:hadafi
ghtwi
thsocal
ledboyf
ie?Hi
s
gonnahavef
unwithy
ouandleaveyouli
kea
sl
utyouknow
Khol
o:Unako!St
opi
tman
Me: t
alki
ngfrom exper
ienceIseewellyouandI
ai
n'
tthesamenev erwi
llbe,hel
eftyoul
ikea
sl
utbecausey ouareone..I
'
m alsowonderi
ng
howLindoisfeeli
ngaboutthiswholeobsessi
on
ofyour
swi t
hNi ck
Her:
don'
tyoudar
edr
agmygi
rl
fr
iendt
othi
s
Me: y
ou'
reconfusedyaz,youdon'
tknowwhat
youwant
..l
i
stensweetyy oucan'
thavethebest
ofbot
hworldseit
hersti
ckwithbei
nglesbianor
f
uckguy
s
Unako: t
hisi
snotwhatthi
sisaboutMbal
i
ebut
thefactt
hatwearefr
iendsandyougoanddat
e
myex
Me: Jesus!YouandNickarehardl
yexe'
ssame
goesf ormeandy ouweaintwhatyoucall
"fr
iends"ifthisi
snotaboutNickbutusthen
focusony ourgi
rl
!
Kholo:cany ouguysstopalreadythi
si sget
ti
ng
old,
doy ouknowhowmuchal lthi
sis
fr
ustrat
ingformeyouar ebot hmyf r
iendsandI
can'
treall
ypicksi
desy oujustbothputtingme
i
nanawkwar dposi
tion,pl
easegr owupandget
al
ongGod!
Shest
oodupandl
eftt
her
oom
Me:
ain'
tyougonnaf
oll
owher?
Unako:Arg!Sheal
sowentoutandsl
ammed
thedoor
Me:
dramai
nthi
spl
ace'
Isai
dsocov
eri
ng
my
sel
f'
Isleptunt
ilIwaswokenupbyt
heBellf
orsuper
Kholowassi t
ti
ngonherbedj
ustst
ari
ngint
o
air
Me:
what
'
sapp?
Shest
art
ledabi
t
Her:i
t'
snot
hingmyfr
iendjustt
hinki
ngabout
pl
aceswecanhaveouraft
erpart
yi n
Icoul
dn'
thel
pbutl
augh
Me:seri
ousl
y!
?Andher eIam t
hinki
ngt
her
e's
somet
hingbother
ingy
ou
Her:hahahawel
lI'
mtheor
gani
zersoIhav
eto
t
hink
Me:
Idon'
tbl
amet
hem f
orchoosi
ngy
ou:
)
Her:
exactl
y:),heyIf
etchedy
ouruni
for
mfor
youf
rom l
aundr
y
Me:
yout
hebest
Her:
Iknow,
let
'sgoeat
Me:
backt
othi
scr
appyf
ood
Khol
o:weshould'
veboughtsomet
hingy
az,
whatt
imei
sit?
Me:
6
Her:IwasgonnaaskBaet
obr
ingsomet
hing
buthewon'
tmake7
Me:
let
'sj
ustgof
ri
end
Wewentt
othedi
ninghal
ltoeat
,ni
ckwasn'
t
ev
enl
ooki
ngatme
Khol
o:what
'sapp?
Me:
hismadatme
Khol
o:whoni
ck?Why
?
Me:
thedancet
hing
Her:Idon'tblamehim,Iknowy outr
yingtobe
wiseandallbutMbaliethi
shappensoncei na
l
if
et i
mebesi desyouhavecloseto30t housand
i
ny ourbankaccountthat'
sgonnalust
Me:
'It
ookadeepbr
eat
h'Idon'
tknowheyand
hewant
stopayf
orev
ery
thi
ng
Her:
andy
oust
il
ldon'
twannago?
Me:
Ijustdon'
tl
ikebei
ngdonet
hingsf
or
Her:hi
sy ourboy fr
iendMbalent
leandy oudidn'
t
askheoffered,hisnotmakingyouachar i
ty
caseheknowsy oucomef r
om aweal thyfamily
thi
ngsarejustnotwor ki
ngoutrightnow
Me:
it'
snott
hat
Her:t
hengoMbali
e,Idon'
tthi
nky
ouknowhow
l
uckyyouar
etohavehim manygi
rl
swoul
dki
ll
f
orthi
s
Me:
wel
lI'
m notl
i
ket
heot
hergi
rl
s
Shel
aughed
Her:
Iknowbabebutst
il
l,
justt
alkt
ohi
m and
makethi
ngsr
ight
Ismi
l
ed
Me:
IknowI
'
mluckyt
ohav
eyou
Her:
itmakest
het
woofus:
)
Ist
oodupandwentov
ert
othet
abl
ehewas
si
tt
ingi
n
Me:
excusemecanIsi
t?
Hi
m:sui
tyour
sel
fout
Me:
Cany
oubemydat
e?
Het
ri
ednott
osmi
l
e
Hi
m:y
eahIsuppose
Iki
ssedhi
scheekandst
oodup
Hi
m:hey
?Il
ookedathi
m
Thehesai
d"Thanks"
Me:
Not
hanky
ou:
)
Iwal
kedaway
.
.
..
Thefol
lowingdaywewokeupanddi dt
heusual
thenl
eftforschool
,ever
yonewasexci t
edabout
theMetri
cjacketsandsoontheyarri
vedatt
he
l
eftsi
deinf r
ontthewereyourini
ti
alsand
surnamet henatthebackwhat every ouchose
towr i
te,Ihadmi newr it
ten'Mbalie'andkhol o'
s
waswr i
tten'Yol
o'shortf orherboy fr
iend's
nameLuy oloIneverjudgedherabouti tImean
theywer et oget
herforal ongtimeandl oved
eachot hermadl y,Luyolowast hesecond
personaf termewhot rulyunderstoodKhol o
andhercr azysi
deandt hefir
stbef oremewho
fel
linlovewi thexactl
yt hepersonshewas. .
.
Ever
yoner
ockedanMj andt
hel
owergr
ades
wereal
ldr
ool
ingoverus.
Ni
ckcamet
omedur
ingbr
eak
Hi
m: canweexchange?Iknowi
t'
scheesyand
al
lbutheyIwanty
ournameonme
Ismi
l
ed,
thatmomentwasj
ustpr
icel
ess
Me:
ofcour
se
Il
andedhim mi
neandhegavemehi
swhi
ch
waswrit
ten'
Cooper
'hi
ssur
name.
.
Hi
m:nowy
oul
ookl
i
keacooper
Me:
I'
m sur
eIdo:
)
Heki
ssedmyl
i
pst
henwewentoursepar
ate
ways

Ni
khoCooper
[
07/
11,
18:
00]Ron:
TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t15

Forther estofthedayIwaswear ingBae's

j
acketwhi chofcoursegr abbedal otof
att
ention, youknowwheny oudatingsomeone
who'sknownasa" player"wherey ouare
constantlywarnedabouthi m andev er
yoneis
j
ustwai tingforhimt ofuckupsot hatthey
couldsay" wetol
dy ouso" butnonoft hat
scaredmenotbecausehewast rippi
ngonme
moret hanIwasonhi m butsomehowIf el
tli
ke
ourrelat
ionshipwasi deal ormay beitwas
becausewewer
ebot
hfr
iendsandl
over
s.
Afterschoolal
lthegr
ade12'
sgather
edf
orthe
far
ewel lmeeti
ng,wewer
eallchi
l
li
ngout
sidei
n
thequad..
KholowasthemostactivepersonwithideasI
waslaughi
ngatthecrazyshitshekept
suggest
ing,Niccameandst oodbehindme
holdi
ngmef r
om behi
nd
Hi
m:baby
?
Me:
mmh?
Hi
m:Imi
ssy
ou
Me:
youj
ustsawmeanhourago
Hi
m:exact
ly
Me:
yousuchababy
Hegi
ggl
ed
Him:soWednesdaywemeet
ingadesi
gner
neh
Me:
Okaygr
eat
NicandIwerebot
htoomuchintof
ashionso
thi
nki
ngabouthowwewouldlookontheact
ual
daymademesuperexci
ted.:)
Soonev er
ythi
ngwasorgani
zedandthedance
wasgonnabeont hecomingweekend
(Sat
urday)
Wewal
kedt
oget
herbackt
ores.
.
Ni
c:seey
oul
ater
Me:
Okay
Him:yougonnahel
pmewi
tht
hemat
hs
assi
gnmentr
ight
?
Me:t
hat
'sj
ustanexcuset
ospendst
udyt
ime
wi
thme:)
Hi
m:okayy
esbutIwantust
odoi
ttoget
her
Me:
Okayaf
tersuppert
hen
Hi
m:cool
Weki
ssedandwentoursepar
ateway
s..
WhenIar
ri
vedwedi
scussedourpl
answi
th
Khol
o,sheal
sohadtogol
ookforadr
ess
Unakodramat
ical
l
ywal
kedi
n..
Unako:
guy
sI'
m st
ressed
Khol
o:why
?
Her:
Idon'
thav
eadat
eyet
Me:
whatabouty
ourgi
rl
fr
iend?
Her:
uhm Idon'
tthi
nkshe'
l
lwannago
Me:
soy
oudi
dn'
taskher
?
Her:
obv
iousl
ynotMbal
i
e
Khol
o:hayuz
enzai
str
esswenasi
si
Unako:y
ouwouldn'
tmi
ndifIwouldaskNic
Mbali
ewoul
dyou?Imeannostri
ngsattached
Me:
Nof
eel
freef
ri
endshi
p:
)
Khol
o:youbei
ngcr
azyUnako,
Nici
sgoi
ngwi
th
Mbal
ie
Her:
IthoughtMbal
i
ewasn'
tgoi
ng
Me:
changeofpl
ansbuty
oucanst
il
laskhi
m
hey
Unako:
Ishoul
dpr
obabl
yaskLi
ndo
Me: i
fy ouwer
esmartyouwould'
vethought
aboutthatf
rom t
hefi
rstpl
aceoryouweretr
yna
getundermyskin?Wellt
hatdon'
tworkno
more
Unako:
what
everMbal
i
ei'
l
laskmygi
rl
fr
iend
Khol
o:Good!
Aft
eral otofplanni
ngwewentt osupperthenI
wentt ostudywithNicandofcour seweended
upbeinglov ebir
dsinsteadbutwef i
nal
ly
fi
nishedwi t
hourschool worksaidour
goodnightthenwentt osleep.
.
..
.
OnaWednesdaymor
ningNi
cwokemeupwi
th
aphonecal
l
Me:
Hel
l
o
Hi
m:gobat
hmydadwi
l
lpi
ckusup
Me:
thi
sear
ly?
Hi
m:St
opsul
ki
ng
Me:
FineI
'
m get
ti
ngup
Ihangupt henwenttot akeashower,wedi
dn't
haveschool f
ortherestoftheweekwewer e
giv
ent i
met oprepar
eandev er
ythi
ngbutwesti
ll
hadt ogotoschooljustforsubmissi
onof
assignments.
.
Idressedupquickl
ybecauseNicksdadwas
al
readyout si
de,wel
eftt
omeett hedesi
gnerI
di
dn'twantNi ct
oknowhowmydr esswas
gonnal ookli
kesowejusttol
deachothert
he
col
our s.
Aft
erwef i
nishedwewentoutt oeatthenhi
s
dadtookusbackt ores,whenIarr
ivedKhol
o
wasbeggingmet otellherhowmydr esswas
gonnalooklikeandsinceIknewwhatshewas
gonnabuyIal sotoldherwewer ebothexci
ted.
.
..
OnaFr i
dayweallwentoutasgir
lst
ochecki
f
t
hev enuewasproperl
ydone,t
henKhol
oandI
wenttodoourhairandnai
ls
SinceIhadlonghairIdidn'
tknowwhetherto
j
uststrai
ghtenitorputonweav ebutKholosai
d
Ididn'
tneedweav eIcangetsomethingreal
ly
cooldonewi t
hmyhai r.
IwassobusythatdayIcoul
dn'
tev
ent
alkt
oNi
c
nort
exthi
m..
Afterf
ini
shingwithevery
thingwewentt osleep
overatkholo'
s.Placebecauseitwasalr
eady
l
ateandwedi dn'
twantanyonet oseeusunt i
l
thefol
lowingday,Luyol
obookedaBnbf orus
forwhenwer eturnfr
om theafterpar
ty.
.
Ni
ccal
l
edmei
twasal
readypast10
Hi
m:howar
ethi
ngs?
Me:
goodI
'
mjustt
ir
ed,
you?
Hi
m: wel
lnot
hingmuchI'
mj ustgoi
ngoutwith
t
heguys,mymom will
del
iveryourdressi
nthe
mor
ningneh
Me:
Okayi
'
llseey
out
omor
row,
Imi
ssy
ou
Him:Imi
ssy
out
oobaby
,seey
ousoonIl
ove
you
Me:
Idot
oo
Hehangup,thenwegoti
nbedwit
hKholo
chat
ti
ngaboutthef
oll
owi
ngdayunti
lwefel
l
asl
eep.
.

Iwishedmymot herwasgonnabeabl et
osee
mei nmymat ri
cgown, Ihopedshewoul dbe
theonet otakepictureswhenIst epont hered
carpetscreamingmynameandpr oudofme
thatImadei ttothatdaybutr eal
itywast hatI
onlyhadKhol oandNi cinmyl if
et hatwerethe
onlypeoplewhot rulycar
ed,ithurtal otbutI
promisedmy selfnevertocryaboutmymot her
again.
.
Imadeav
owwi
thmyhear
t,Ideser
ved
happinessandIknewwher eevermydadwas
hewasl ookingdownonmeandpr oudt hati
'
ve
walkedar oadwiththornsbutsti
llcouldkeepa
smileonmyf aceandhav efai
ththatthi
ngs
weregonnagetbet teroneday.
Ni candKhol omademef orgetal otofnegati
ve
thingsthatIwasgoi ngt hroughbutdeepdown
thewasst i
l
l ableedi
ngcutt hatcouldneverheal
from mymot herneglectingmef oraanother
man, f
orhernev erbeingabl etoshowmel oveI
didn'tknowwhati tf
eltl
iket ohav eamot her
whoact ual
lytreat
edy oul i
keadaught erbut
truthisthatIwasnev ergonnabeabl etofeel
that,Iwasgonnawal kmyr oadal onenoone
couldwal kitformebutIt hankedGodt here
wer epeoplewhomadei tsimpl er.
..
Icouldn'twai
ttoseeNict
hefoll
owi
ngday,I
wasi nlovewit
hhim ev
enthoughIdi
dn'
thave
couraget ospi
tthewor
doutyetbuthewasmy
fi
rstlove<3.
[
07/
11,
18:
01]Ron:
TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t16

Khol
o:Mbal
i
e'sheshookme'
Me:
mmh
Her:
wakeup!
Iopenedmyey
esandshewasst
andi
ngnextt
o
thebedwit
habigsmi
l
e
Me:
didsomeonedi
e?
Her:
whywoul
dIbet
hishappyi
fany
onehad
di
ed?
Me: wel
lthear
epeopl
eIwoul
dcel
ebr
atet
hei
r
deat
hs
Her:
andy
ety
oual
way
ssayI
'
mthewei
rdone?
Il
aughed
Me:
whyar
eyouev
enwaki
ngme?
Her:
it'
s1o'
cl
ockdude
Me:
real
l
y?
Igrabbedmyphonet
ocheckt
het
imeandsaw
missedcal
lsf
rom Ni
c
Me:fl
i
pIov
ersl
eptIwassupposedt
omeet
Ni
c'
smom
Her:nodon'twor
ryshebroughtthedressI
didn'
twannawakeyoubecausewehadal ong
dayyester
dayyouneededyourbeautysleep
todayit
'
sthebigday:)
Me: whatwoul
dIbewithoutyout
hough?
ThankyouBabeforev
erythi
ng
Her: wel
lyoumademyl i
febri
ghterIhat
etosay
thisbutI'
m gladyourmom sentyouhereit
s
reallyablessi
ngIfi
nal
lyhavesomeonetocall
a
sister
Me:
Ncaawpumpki
n
Wehuggedt
henshebr
oket
hehug
Kholo:okayev
ery
thi
ngissetf
ortoni
ghtwear
e
gonnahaveanaft
er,
aft
erpoolpar
ty
Me:
huh?
Her:af
tert
heaft
erpar
tywearegonnahav
e
anot
heraft
erpar
tyi
nthepool
area
Me:
whyt
woaf
terpar
ti
es
Her:becauseI
'
m Khol
oandIcanmakei
t
possi
ble
Il
aughed
Me:youaresuchapar
tyfr
eak,
okaypl
ease
don'
tdr
inkt
oomuchatleast
Her:Iwon'
t,
i'
ll
justdot
heusual
't
henshe
l
aughed'
Me:dudey
ourusuali
sdrinki
ngunt
ily
oucan'
t
r
emembershi
tthat
'swrong
Shesmi
l
edandki
ssedmycheek
Khol
o:l
et'
sgetr
eadyf
ort
hebi
gday
..
Ical
l
edNi
ctochecki
fev
ery
thi
ngwasf
ineand
hewasexcit
edhecoul
dn'twaittoseeme
whichmademealit
tl
ener vous,
aftert
hel
ong
phonecal
lwewenttoeatlunch.
.
Khol
o:Mom wher
e'sdad?
Hermom :hej
ustwentout
,hewant
stosee
yourdat
e
Here'
sthet
hingKhol
o'
sparentsdi
dn'
tapprove
ofLuyol
osincehewasol
derthanKholososhe
hadtoli
eandsayshe'
sgonnagowi t
haboy
fr
om hercl
ass.
Khol
o:butyouguysar
eleav
ingt
hisaf
ternoon
youwon'
tbeherewhenhecomestopickme
up
Hermom :
can'
thecomear
oundmay
benow?
Kholo:nohi
sbusynow,
i'
ll
showy
ouguy
sthe
pi
ctures
Hermom :okaybaby,
yougirl
smakesureyou
haveagoodti
meandbesaf e..ar
eyousur
ewe
shoul
dn'
thi
reacarforyou?
Khol
o: nomom het
ookcar
eoft
hatst
op
worr
ying
Wefinishedeat
ingt
henwenttosor
toutour
st
uff
, wewenttobatht
henstar
teddressi
ng.
.
Kholowor eashortti
ghtf adingbluedresswith
alongtalemadeofl ace,abl ackandwhi te
pl
atfor
m andawhi t
egucci catchbag,shehada
brownBr azi
li
anweav e,earningswithturquoi
se
detai
landhernailswerebl ackandwhi teshe
l
ookedr eall
ypret
tyIwasal mosti ntears..
Iwor earedlongt ouchdownt ightdr esswhi ch
exposedmycur veswi t
hacutsi l
trev eli
ngmy
thighallt
hewaydown, thesideswer elaceand
thebackwasal l rev
eledupunt i
lmyl owerpar ti
t
hadsi l
verchainsmeet inginthemi ddl eofmy
back, wi
thasi l
v erstil
ettowithabl ackhi l
l my
hairwasst r
aight enedint oasidefringewi t
h
blondhighli
ghtswhi chbr oughtoutt hebr own
andabl ackcat chbag, Ihadst il
ettor ednails
,silv
erearni
ngsandaneckpi ecewi th
di
amonds.
.
Themakeupl adyar ri
v edshedi dourmakeup
thensooni twas5: 30wehadt ogobecauset he
program wasst art
ingat6, Khol o'smom t ook
sooomanypi cturesbef oretheyl eft,shewasso
happyandpr oudf orthebot hofusshe
somehowmadei thar dt othinkaboutmy
mot herbecauseshet ookal lherpl acethat
evening,acarpul ledupout si deandwewer en'
t
sureifitwasLuy oloorNi cbecauset heybot h
keptthecart hingasecr et,itwasar edpor sh
Nicwal kedoutt hecarandIl iterallyscreamed
withKhol ohelpingmeofcour se, Hewas
wear i
ngabl ackankl egl azeChi no, ablackand
whitelongdesi gnerv estandanI tali
anjacket
withanal lbl
ackwi thsilverlinesNi keairforce
thenhadshadesonr ockinghi sf ade..
HerangthedoorbellandKholowenttoopen
whi
leIgatheredmystuff
,thenwhenIwas
wal
kingdownt hest
airshewasstandingatt
he
bot
tom l
ookinguptomehesl owl
yremovedhis
shadeshewasst
unnedl
i
kel
i
ter
all
y.
.
Hehel
dmyhand
Hi
m:y
ou'
resooBeaut
if
ul
Me:thanks:),
youalsol
ookr
eall
yhandsome
nowpleasest
opstar
ingatmel
ikethat
Icov
eredmyf
aceandhel
aughed
Him: i
'v
enev erseenyouthisbeaut
if
ulImean
you'
rereal
lybeautif
ulnat
urall
ybutt
odayEntl
e,
okaylet
'sgobef or
eIstar
tcrying
Il
aughed
Me:
seey
out
her
efr
iendneh
Khol
o:y
eah,
youl
ookgor
geous
Me:
sodoy
ou
Khol
o:Iwannacr
y
Wel
aughed
Me:
pleasedon'
t:
)
WehuggedandNi
chel
dmywai
stl
eadi
ngmet
o
t
hecar
,thewayitwassoobeaut
if
ulIwantedt
o
j
umparoundbutthehi
l
lsdi
dn'
tall
ow: v
Heopenedt
hedoorf
ormeIgotinandgr
eet
ed
hi
sfat
herwhowasourdr
iver
..
Hi
sfat
her:
youl
ookbeaut
if
ul
Me:
Thanky
ousi
r
Hi
m:yougot
tast
opcal
l
ingmesi
randupgr
ade
t
odad
Wel aughedanddrovetoourv
enueintown,
Nic
washol di
ngmyhandt hewhol
etimetell
i
ngme
overandov ert
hatIwasbeaut
if
ul:).
.
Wearri
vedandt hewerealotofpeopl
e
st
andi
ngout sidewit
hcameras,whenthecar
st
oppedKhol oandLuyol
oalsopull
ednexttous,
hewasdri
vingabl ackf
err
ari
..
NicopenedmydoorandIst eppedont hered
carpetwit
honefootfi
rst"j
ustforcontr
ol"t
henI
wentoutandeveryonestar
tedscreaming
camer aswer
efl
ashingeverywhereitwastoo
overwhelming,ihadneverfel
tli
keIf
eltthatday
Ihadmi xedemot i
onsandi tmadeevery
thing
extr
aspecialthatIwasshar i
ngitwi
thNicand
Kholothemosti mportantpeopl
einmyl i
fe..
Khol
oandLuyowerewal
ki
ngbehi
ndus,
Nichad
hi
shandaroundmywai
standwewal
kedinsi
de
andwentt
osit.
.
Peoplewerest
ari
ngIdon'
tknowwhether
becauseIwaswit
haHotdat eorIwashot:
)
SoonUnakowal kedinsidel
ooki
ngv eryprett
y
alsowithLindo,Lindowasdoinggrade11but
theywer eall
owedt obeaskedasdat esbutnot
tojustgoforfun,Unakowasoneoft hosegirl
s
whohadar eall
yfineassshewaswear inga
dressthatdrewherbodyshewasn' tmy
favouri
tepersonbutt hatni
ghtwegotal ongli
ke
goodf r
iends,shejoinedusandthepr ogram
start
ed..
Longboringspeecheswer
emade,thenwedi
d
atoastandfoodwasservedaf
terwewentt
o
t
akepi
ctur
esthenaft
eralongeveni
ngi
twas
t
imetogorocktheaf
terpar
ty.
.
Nic:i'
l
lmeetyouther
enehgi
vemey
ourphone
becausey
ou'l
llosei
t
Itookoutmyphonef
rom t
hecl
utchbagand
gaveitt
ohim
Me:
Okay
,ar
eyougoi
nghomeory
oubooked?
Hi
m:webooked,
you?
Me:
weal
sobooked
Hi
m:okayl
aterbabe
Weki ssedandhewentwi thhisfri
ends, me,
Kholo,unakoandset hu(agirlwejustliked
chil
li
ngwi t
h)wewentt oLuyo'
scart hendrov e
tothebnb, wealreadyhadclothest ochange
broughttheresowear riv
edandst arted
changing,Ichangedintoanklehighr i
ppedblue-
blackskinnyjeanswithacroppedl azytopand
ajeanjacketplusblackNiketekkies, wewor e
thesamet hingwi t
hKholobutdifferentcolour
s
.
.
Soonitwast i
met ogot ur
nup, Luyodrov
eusto
theaf
terpartyhisfr
iendsalsocamealongso
wewer epressi
ngeachot herinthecarbuti
f
wasreall
yfun,themusi cwasloudandwest i
ll
madenoiseont opoft hat
..
Luyodeci dedt
hathewasgonnabuyboozef or
usjusttocongratul
ateusforbei
ngbest
dressersofthenight
,wepassedbyPnPliquor
tobuyal otofboozeal oti
sevenan
understatementbuttr
ustKholoshedi
dn'
tmind
purchasingboozefor2000soIwasn't
surpri
sed..
Af
terbuyi
ngev
eryt
hingwewentst
rai
ghtt
o
wheret
hegoodti
mewas..

Af
terpart
ywasgonnagodownIcoul
dfeel
iti
n
myadrenali
ne:
)
[
07/
11,
18:
01]Ron:
TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n
I
nser
t17

Whenwear r
ivedot
herstudent
swerealr
eady
ther
ewewentt oj
oint
heot her
sandstar
ted
dri
nking,
Ifel
tsomeonetouchmyshoulder.
.
Ni
c:baby
Me:
hey
,ar
eyoudr
unkal
ready
?
Hewasholdi
ngabot
tl
eofCi
rocanddr
inki
ng
st
rai
ghtf
rom i
t
Hi
m:nonoty
et
Me:
arey
out
ryi
ngt
oki
l
lyour
sel
f?
Hel
aughed
Him:soyout
rynasaythesamet
hingIsai
dto
you?Cut
e:)
,don'tdr
inkt
oomuchneh
Me:
Iwon'
t,
arey
oudr
ivi
ng?
Hi
m:y
eahIcamewi
thmycarbutCj
(hi
sbest
f
ri
end)i
sgonnadr
ivewhenweheadi
ngback
Me:
Okayi
'
llseey
ouwhenImi
ssy
ou
Hi
m: canyoucomesl
eepwi
thmeaf
tert
he
af
ter-
aft
erpar
ty?
Me:
yousoundl
i
keKhol
o,Idon'
tknowi
'
llsee
Him:thatgir
lkeepsget
ti
ngcr
azi
er,
okaypl
ease
consi
derit
Hekissedmycheekthenwentt ohisfri
ends,
Kholowasonthedancefloordancingherbutt
offandshewasn'
ttoodrunkjustyet.
.
Iwaschil
li
ngwithUnakoandSethusomeother
gir
lsal
socamet oj
oinusthenwestart
edt
o
real
lyt
urnup,Iwasgett
ingdr
unksoIdeci
ded
tostopdri
nki
ngforabit.
Kholocamet opull
meupf rom t
hecampchairI
wassitti
ngonthendraggedmet othest
ageto
dancebutNiccameandt ookme, t
hewasthi
s
dancethathetaughtmesowewer ebothdoi
ng
i
teveryonecamet omakeacircl
earoundus
cheeri
ngandallitwasthecutestt
hing,
hethen
pull
edmeawayf rom t
hecrowdandsatdownI
satontopofhim andwest ar
tedmakingout,
wekissedfort
hel ongestt
imehishandswere
holdi
ngmywai stbutheslowlymovedthem t
o
myass' Igi
ggl
ed'
Hebr
oket
heki
ss
Hi
m:Il
ovey
ou
Me:
Iknowy
oudoNi
c
Him: okayIjustdon'twantthecr appeople
keept ell
ingyouaboutmet ogett oyou,Iain'
t
l
iket hatwithy ouandIknowsomet i
mesImess
aroundwi t
hy ouwiththi
swhol eat t
emptof
havingsexbuti t
'snotli
kethatIjustplayaround
withy ou,youknowi 'l
lwaitaslongasi ttakes
Entl
eIdon' tcar e
Me:
ist
hatdr
unkt
alk?
Him:yesbutwhenI'
m dr
unkt
hat
'
swhenI
becomepurel
ytr
anspar
ent
Me: Iknowy
ouwon'
trushmetoany t
hingyou
al
readymadesur
eIseeandunder
standthat
Ihel
dthebackofhisheadandpulledhim cl
ose
toki
sshim agai
n,af
terawhileKholocameto
i
nter
ruptt
ell
ingmeshemi ssesmesowel ef
t
andwentbacktotheother
s.
Unako:
Iseel
ovei
sint
heai
rakumandi
Mbal
i
e
Ij
ustlookedatherandsaidnothing,Idi
dn'tl
i
ke
dramawhenIwasdr unkbecausealcoholhad
anef f
ectofmakingmear atchet
,Khololooked
atmeandsmi ledIcouldtel
lshewaspr oudthat
Ididn'
tanswerthesarcast
iccomplimentUnako
made. .
Istar
teddr
inki
ngagai
nev
ery
onewasnowr
eal
l
y
drunk
Me: I
'
m goi
ngt
othebat
hroom '
Iwhi
sper
edi
n
khol
o'
sear'
Khol
o:y
ouwantmet
ocomewi
thy
ou?
Me:
ha.
ait
'sokaychomy
Iwentovert
othebat
hroom di
dmybusiness
thenwashedmyhandsonmywayoutI
bumpedtooneoftheguysIat
tendedphysi
cs
with.
.
Hi
m:Hel
l
oMbal
i
e
Me:
hi
Iwal
kedpasthi
m hecutt
hewayi
nfr
ontofme
Me:
canIhel
pyou?
Het
oldmehisnamewhi
chIdon'
tev
en
r
ememberanymore
Hi
m:y
oul
ookedbeaut
if
uli
nthedance
Me:
Thanky
ou,
Igat
ago
Heheldmyarm andIst
aredt
ofeel
real
l
y
uncomfor
tabl
e
Me:
uhm pl
easel
etgoofme
Him:Idon'
tseem t
ounderst
andwhatgi
rl
ssee
i
nNikhoImeanthatguyknowsnot
hingabout
t
reat
ingagir
l
Me: Idon'
tthi
nkIf
itany
wher
etowhaty
ou
say
ingletmego
Hehel
dmyar
mti
ght
Me:
dudey
ou'
rehur
ti
ngme!
Hi
m:gi
veusachanceMbal
i
e
Me: heeGoodLor
d,I
'
m gonnascr
eam y
ou
know
Iwassur pr
isedbyhi sbehav
iorbecausehewas
oneofthosehar dwor ki
ngquietguysincl
ass
matteroffactIdidn'
tevenknowhi snamebutI
guessalcoholreall
ydriv
espeopletoinsani
ty.
.
Hi
m:I'
m notgoi
ngtol
ety
ougount
ily
ouagr
ee
t
ogoonadatewithme
Henowgrabbedmywaistpul
li
ngmecloset
o
hi
m Ist
art
edtogetr
eal
l
yf r
eakedoutIev
en
want
edtocry
Me:
stopi
t'Iy
ell
ed'
Khol
ocamer
unni
ngandpushedt
hatguyaway
t
henshepul
l
edme
her:
whati
syourf
uckenpr
obl
em?Hayf
utsek
marn
Sheheldmyhandandwel ef
tIdi
dn'
tev
en
real
i
seIhadtearsst
reami
ngdownmyey es
unti
lshesai
d..
Khol
o:don'
tcr
ychomyI
'm sor
ryhi
sgonnaget
what
'scomi
ngforhi
m.
Ithi
nksomeonet ol
dNicIwascr
yingneart
he
bathr
oom becausehecameoutofnowhere
runni
ng,hepul
ledmeawayf r
om Khol
oIwasa
yoyothatni
ghtItel
lyou:v
Ni
c:whathappened?
Somehowwhenpeoplearebusyaski
ng
quest
ionsandcomfor
ti
ngyoutheymakey
ou
cryev
enmor e,
Icoul
dn'
tsayanyt
hing
Khol
o: t
hatscumbagwasforci
nghi
msel
fon
her'
shepoint
edthatboywhowasnowdanci
ng
l
ikenot
hinghappened'
Ni
c:hedi
dwhat
?Wai
tI'
m comi
ng.
.
Hewal kedovert
ohimt appedhisshoulderthen
threwapunch,hefell
downt henNicstarted
kicki
nghim unt
ilCj
pulledhi
m away
I'
venev erseenhi mt hatfur
iousbeforeIwas
evenscar edbecauseNi cwast hekindof
personwhowal kedawayf r
om y ouwhenhe
wasf uriousnowi tmadesensehehadaf ucked
upt emper, thatguyst oodandst ar
tedsweari
ng
atallofussay i
nghehadagangandwhatnot
butev eryoneignor edhim.
Ni
chuggedme
Him:I'
m sor
rybabyneh?Iwassupposedto
l
ookoutforyouIfor
gothowthi
rst
ythese
bast
ardscanbe
Me:
it'
sokayIt
hinkIwannagosl
eep
Kholo:nochomyha.ayouarenotgonnal
et
someduder ui
nourni
ght,l
etsj
ustl
eaveandgo
tothepoolpar
ty
Ni
c:Khol
oisr
ightbabebutI
fyour
eal
l
ywanna
gowecangosleepneh
Idi
dn'twanttocutthefunti
meshortfort
hem
becauseIknewi fIwentt
osleepNicwoul
d
wanttosleepalsoandKholowouldnever
conti
nueparty
ing..
Me:Noi
tsokayguy
si'
l
lbef
ineIj
ustneed
wat
er
Ni
cbroughtmeaglassofwat
erwi
thi
ce,
whenI
gr
abbedthegl
ass.
.
Hepul
l
edmyar
m andi
twasal
lred
Ni
c:I
'
m gonnaki
l
lthat
..
Me:Noleaveit
,it
'snotev
enpai
nful
mybl
oodi
s
war
mfrom all
thealcohol
Heki
ssedmyarm andIsmil
edthenweallwent
wi
thNic'
scart
otheaft
er-af
terpool
part
yon
t
heothersi
deoft
own,itwasnowaround1am..
Wegotinthecarwhi
chwasal mosti
mpossibl
e
wi
thournumber,att
hepassenger
sseatIsat
wit
hKholoandthenatt hebacki
twasCj,Set
hu,
Unako,
Lindoand2ot hergi
rl
sofwhom Idon'
t
knowwherewehijackedthem..
Me:
wher
e'sLuy
o?
Khol
o:wehadaf
ighthel
eft
Me:
whatdi
dyouf
ightabout
?
Her:
Ican'
tremembery
azchomy
Thenshepul
l
edaser
iousf
acet
ryi
ngsohar
dto
thi
nk
Me:
hayIgi
veup'
Il
aughed'
Ni
c: guy
sI'
mr eal
l
ydrunkIdon'
tthi
nkIcan
dr
iveupunt
ilwereachthepar
ty
Me:
letmedr
ive
Het
houghtIwasj
oki
ng
Ni
c:babeI
'
m ser
ious
Me:
I'
m al
soser
ious
Ni
c:okayf
inecomedr
ive,
Cjt
akeov
eraf
ter
ent
lei
sdonewi
thpl
ayi
ng
Nicpul
ledofftothesi
deofther
oadthenwe
swappedseats,Istar
tedt
hecaranddrov
eoff
i
tsuddenlybecamequieti
nthecar
Me:
what
?
Ni
candKhol
osai
d'younev
ert
oldmey
oucoul
d
dr
ive'
att
hesameti
me
Me:
y'al
lnev
erasked'
thenIl
aughed'
Well
Iknewhowt odri
vemyf athertaughtme
whenIwasabout12Ireal
l
yl ovedcarssohe
woul
dputmeont opofhim andl etmedr i
ve
t
hat'
showIlear
nedthenstarteddrivi
ngmy
mom'scarr
egular
ly
Ni
c:Ican'
tbel
i
evet
his
Cj:andshe'sevenbet
tert
hany
ou,
tur
n18and
getyourl
icenseMbali
e
Me:
that
'st
hepl
an
Unako:
okayMbal
i
ecandr
ivebi
gdeal
canwe
gett
othepar
tyal
ready
Cj:j
eezyouhaveseri
ousprobl
emsagai
nst
eachot
herneh,
isitbecauseofNi
c
Ni
c:shutupCj
!
Cjwasoneoft hoseguyswhowoul dtel
lyouthe
hardcoreshi
tstrai
ghtupthenlaughabouti
t
l
ikeit
'snobigdealandhewasal soreal
lyHot
buthedidn'
tdorelat
ionshi
ps.
.
Afteranawkwar
ddriv
ewear ri
ved,t
henwehad
togochangeint
oswim wearsbecause
everyonewaswear
ingone.
.
I
twasr eal
l
yf unitwast hemostfunIhaveever
hadupunt ilIwalkedinsidegoi
ngtoabathroom
whenIsawUnakoandNi cbothcomeoutoft he
bathroom looki
ngl i
kesomet hi
ngwentdown
thenUnakogav emeanast ysmil
eIt
urnedand
walkedback. .
Ni
c:Ent
lei
t'
s.
.
Me:
leav
emeal
one!
Iwentov
ert
oCj
Me:
Iwannago
Khol
o:what
'swr
ong?
Me:
Iwantt
ogo!
!
Niccamet omeandt r
iedt otal
kbutIl ef
thi
m
thereandwentt ot hecarandwai tedf or
everyonetogetint henCj droveoff,
Iwas
l
ooki ngouttheWi ndowt hinki
ngwhenIsawa
brightl
ightcomingt owardsusandt henthe
wasal oudbangi
ngsoundt hecarwentside
way sandr ol
ledrepeatedlyandthenI twas
blank..
[
07/
11,
18:
02]Ron:
TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t18

Aft
erpassi
ngoutforaf
ewminutesIslowl
y
openedmyeyes,mybodywasreal
lyheati
ngup
andthewasdustever
ywhereonl
ythenI
real
i
sedIwasupsidedownthecarhadcr
ashed
..It
riedf
umbl
ingbutIcoul
dn'
t.
.
Me:
Khol
o'Icoughed'
Khol
o:Chomyar
eyouokay
?
Me:
Ithi
nkI
'
m okay
Ev
ery
onest
art
edt
alki
ngexceptNi
c
CJ:
wegot
agetoutofher
e
Het r
iedt
oshakenicbuthewasunr
esponsi
veI
start
edtogetr
eal
lyscar
ed,i
twasdarkandsoo
cold.
Wetri
edget
ti
ngoutt
henIr
ant
othesi
deNi
c
wassi
tti
ngon
Me:
Cjhi
snotmov
ing'
Ist
art
edt
opani
c'
Ever
yoner
antowardsmethenwepull
edhim
outt
hecar
,hewasbleedi
ngbutIcoul
dn'
tfi
gur
e
i
toutWhereKhol
owascrying
Cj
:Shi
t!Wegat
acal
lanambul
ance
Sethuqui cklyl
ookedforherphoneandcal l
ed,I
waskneel i
ngnexttoNicwi thhisheadontopof
myt highsandIkeptcal l
ingouthi sname,
everyonewasj ustscaredandf reakedoutf
rom
shockIknowt hisbecauseIf el
tli
keIwaslosi
ng
mymi ndIwasconst antl
yshaki ngandreal
l
y
feel
ingwar m most l
yli
kesomet hi
ngwas
burninginsidemei twasl i
keadr eam
Khol
o:whatt
hehel
lhappened?
Cj:
Idon'
tknowKhol
oIdon'
tknowbutIswear
wewerehi
tbyacar
Unako:thenwhereisi
tCjhuh?Thi
sisal
lyour
faul
tandlookatNicnow
Me:
justshutt
hef
uckupcany
ou?
Myar
m st
art
edt
ofeel
numb
Khol
o:Mbal
i
eIt
hinky
ourel
bowdi
slocat
ed
Itr
iedtotur
nmyar m andst ar
tedt of
eeli
t,i
couldn'
tseeanyt
hingclearl
ynorf eel
anyt
hingI
j
ustr ememberIwasreallyscaredandcold.
.
afterafewmi nut
esanambul ancearri
vedI
thinkIwast oofr
eakedoutthatImighthav
e
blackedoutbecauseIrememberwaki ngupina
hospitalbedKholowassit
ti
ngnextt ome..
Khol
o:Chomyar
eyouawake?
Me:
whathappened?
Her:
youdon'
tremember
,letmecal
lthenur
se
Thenev
ery
thi
ngcameback
Me:
wher
e'sNi
cKhol
o?
Her:
Chomyr
elax
Me:
wher
eishe?
?
Kholo:I
'm notsurei
fyou'
real
l
owedt
ocome
outofbedjustyetbutl
et'
sgo
Igotoutofbedandchangedt
omyclot
hesthat
wereontopofthechai
rnextt
ome,
myj eans
hadbloodall
over
Khol
o:Chomyyoucan'
tdot
haty
ou'
renot
di
schar
gedyet
Me:
I'
mfi
neKhol
o
Myarm wasbandagedt
henhel
dwi
thanar
m
band,
wewalkedtowhereNi
cwas.
.
Hewasjusthopel
esslyl
ayingt
her
ewi
th
pl
ast
ersonhishead,Isatdown
Me:
howi
sheKhol
o?
Her:uhm Idon'
tknowchomybutt
hedoctor
sai
dhewasonacr i
ti
cal
stat
ehehasn'
twoke
upyet
Me:
whataboutt
heot
her
s?
Her:
it'
sjustmi
nori
njur
iest
heyar
efi
ne
Islowlyhel
dhi
shandandst
aredathi
m,Khol
o
touchedmyshoul
der
Her:
hisgonnabeokayI
'
m sor
rybabe
Me:
Ican'
tl
osehi
m,notl
i
ket
his
Kholo:
youwon'
tMbal
i
ehe'
l
lbef
ineIknowhe
wil
l
Me:
howcomehi
stheonl
yonewho'
sser
iousl
y
i
njur
ed?
Khol
o: hi
sWindowwasopenedandt
hecarhi
t
hi
sside,buti
twasahi
tandrun
Me;
nonoft
hismakessense
Cj
wal
kedi
n..
Hi
m:hey
,ar
eyouokay
?
Me:
Iguessso
Hi
m:I
'
mreal
l
ysor
ryf
orwhathappened
Me:
itwasn'
tyourf
aul
t
Him:yeahbutImi
ghtgotoj
ail
andifNic.
.if
somet
hingbadhappenst
ohi
mi '
ll
neverfor
give
mysel
f
Khol
o:atl
easty
ouweren'
tdrunkandguy
s
pl
easenoni
sgonnahappenhere.
Unakowal
kedi
n
Her:OhmyGodNic'
shewentt
ost
andonhi
s
ot
hersi
deoft
hebed'
Istoodupandwalkedoutt
hensatonchair
sin
therecept
ionwi
thmyheadbowed, Khol
ocame
andsatnexttomeshedidn'
tsayanythi
ngshe
j
ustheldmyhand..
Af
ewmi
nut
esofsi
l
enceaf
tert
hat
Unako:
Mbal
i
ecanIt
alkt
oyou?
Me: reall
y?now?YouknowIr eall
ydon'thav
e
thestrengthfort
hisri
ghtnowUnakoy ouwin
okay?Hi syoursyoucanhavehim
Her:
that
'st
het
hingMbal
i
elook.
.
Khol
o:whathappened?
Me:
askher
Unako: NothinghappenedIjustfol
lowedNi cto
thebathroom inatt
emptt omakeoutwi t
hhim
butherefusedIkeptt ry
ingtoki
sshi m buthe
pushedmeof fandtoldmehel ovedy ouand
nothi
ngwasev ergonnahappenbet weenus
thenhebaggedmet ost ayawayfrom him and
yourrel
ationshi
pI'm sorr
yMbaliethatIgave
yout
heideathatwedi
dsomet
hingIr
eal
l
yfeel
badr
ightnow.
'
Iwasreal
l
yweakIcoul
dn'
tev
enat
tackUnako
ort
ell
hershi
t'
Me:
doy
our
eal
i
zewhaty
oudi
dUnako?
Khol
o:y
oudidwhat?Ohhel
lnoUnakot
hat
'
s
sool
owevenfory
ou
Unako:I'
mr eal
l
ysorryguysIguessIwasj
ust
j
ealousofhowNi cl
ovesyou
Me: youknowIknewy oudi dn'tli
kemenei ther
didIandprobabl
yneverwillbutInev erthought
youwoulddosomet hi
ngl i
ket hisandhonest l
yI
won'tfor
giv
eIneverwil
l,everychancet hat
ther
ewasofusbei ngfr
iendsy oujustst
epped
onitandcrushedi
t!
Ist
oodupandl ef
twhil
stKhol
owasbusyt
ell
i
ng
hershi
t,Iwal
kedbacktother
oom
Me:
CjcanIhav
eamomentwi
thhi
m
Hi
m:y
eahsur
e
Hewal
kedout
,Isatdown
Me: Iwasr eallyscaredear l
iernotbecause
peopl ewer ef i
nall
ygonnasaywet oldyouso
butbecauseof .
.'Ipausedabi t'.
.becauseofhow
Ifeel abouty ou,I'
m sorryIdoubt edy ouNi cI
meanIshoul d'
veknownbet terthant ot hi
nk
you'dgomakeoutwi thUnakoI '
m af rai
dof
l
osi ngany mor epeopl einmyl ifeIal r
eadyl ost
bothmypar ents,Icouldn'
thandl et hethought
ofy oubr eakingmyhear tli
ket hatIhopey ou
canhearme( atearescapedmyey e)andI
knowy ougonnabebet terbecausey ou're
strongl i
kethatuhm. .ILovey ouNi khoCooper.
Ist
oodupandwi
pedmyt
ear
s,whenIwas
aboutt
owal
kaway
Ni
c:whatdi
dyousay
?
Iqui
ckl
ytur
ned
Me:
you'
reawake(
Iti
ght
lyhuggedhi
m)
Hi
m:whatdi
dyousayEnt
le
Isni
ff
edandsai
d..
Me:
Isai
dIl
ovey
ou
Hesmi
l
ed
Him: Mydayisoffi
ciall
ymadenomaket hatmy
l
ife,
IloveyoutooEntlemor et
hananythi
ngand
i
'dneverhurty
ouinami l
li
onyear
s,canIhav e
water?
Ipour
edwat
erf
orhi
m,hedr
ank.
.
Me:
Ibel
i
evey
ou
Hi
m:howdi
dyouknowIdi
dn'
t?
Me:
Unakoj
ustt
oldme
Hi
m:Ipr
omi
sei
'
llsor
tev
ery
thi
ngout
Me: Nofor
getthat
,justgety
ourrestokay
?I'
l
l
cal
lthedoctoseeandchecky ouout
Hi
m:pl
easedon'
tl
eav
e
Me:
noti
nami
l
li
ony
ear
s:
)
Hesmi
l
edandhi
sdi
mpl
esj
ustbr
ight
enedmy
day
Hi
m:y
ourar
m,doesi
thur
t?
Me: notr
eall
yitwasj
ustadisl
ocat
ioni
t'
s
gonnabefinewit
hinaweek,
howabouty our
head?
Hi
m:f
eel
sli
kei
'
vebeenhi
tbyat
ruck
Me: I
'
m sorr
ybaby,
I'
m sureyourpar
entshav
e
beencont
actedsoI
'm guessi
ngthey
'l
lbeher
e
soon
Hi
m:Ij
ustwannagetoutofher
e
Me:you'
rer
eal
l
yluckybecauset
hecarhi
tyour
si
de
Hi
m:i
sany
oneel
sei
njur
ed?
Me: Nojustminort
hings,
andthepoliceare
sti
l
ltr
ackingt
hecarthathitus.
.itwasahitand
run
Hi
m:t
hatdoesn'
tmakesense
Me:
exact
lywhatIsai
d.
Him:butanyhowI'm gl
adyou'
reokay,Ist
il
l
can'
tbel
i
evey ouactual
l
ysaidyoulov
eme
maybeIshouldbeunconsci
ousoften
Il
aughed
Me:
don'
tpushi
t
Hi
m: sayi
tagainmar nbabyIl
ovehowy
ousay
t
hatandyouraccentgiv
esitabonus:
)
Me:
leav
emeal
one'
Ismi
l
edandl
ookedaway
'
Hi
m:don'
tmakemebeg
Me:
FineIl
ovey
ou
Hi
m:nosayi
tli
key
ousai
ditf
ir
st
Ms:
real
l
y?Fi
neIl
ovey
ouNi
khoCooper
Hi
m:Icoul
dgetusedt
othi
s:
)
Me:
don'
tmakemer
egr
eti
t
Il
eanedov
ert
oki
sshi
m
Hi
m:comeongeti
n
Heopenedt
hecov
er,
Itookof
fmyshoesand
wentinsi
det
hebedt
henl
aidmyheadonhi
s
chest
Me:
ain'
tIhur
ti
ngy
ou?
Hi
m:noI
tsonl
ytheheadt
hathur
ts
Forthel ongestt imewej ustlai dthereandsai d
nothing, Iwasj ustli
steningt ohi shear tbeatI
couldtel lthatwewer ebot hr eall
yscar edev en
thoughwedi dn'tr
eallyactt owar dst hef ear,He
wasaf rai dthatt hingscoul d'vebeenwor seand
Iwasaf raidIcoul d'velosthi m. .whatwehad
wasr eallygr owingstrongwewer ebecomi ng
i
nsepar abl eandasmuchasourl ovegr ewour
fri
endshi pgr ewalsowhi chwasagoodt hing,
wewer ei diot swhenwewer etoget herit
seemedl ikenot hi
ngel semat teredhemadel ife
seemedsobeaut i
fulandeasyIcoul dn'
tbel i
ev e
Iactuallysai dIl ovedhi m andi tfeltsoonat ural
,
Iwasi nl ov et hewayIwoul dsmi lelikeaf ool
whenIt houghtabouthi m andt hefactt hatI
couldn'twai ttoseehi m eacht ime, howhe
mademyst omachfeelweir
dI '
m guessing
thosewher egusbumps. .hegav eme
butter
fl
iesinthetummyandi twasanamazi ng
feel
ingwhi chIhadtoacknowl edgeIhadt o
stophidingmyf eel
i
ngbecauset hatnight
showedmehowshor tli
fecouldbe, i
fany t
hing
hadhappenedIwasnev ergonnaf orgivemy sel
f
fornotlett
inghimreall
yknowhowIf eel.
.
Wef ellasl
eep,hismotherwokeusupwhenhe
wast al
kingtothedoctor..shel
ookedreall
y
worri
edbutt hedoctorassuredthem hewas
gonnabef i
nebuthisfatherwasreal
lymadnot
becauseoft hecarhisexactwordswere"it'
s
notaboutt hecarNikhoIcandamnr eplacethat
butyourl i
feisnotworthmoney"butsoon
ever
y onewascal m..
Doc:
heywer
en'
tyoual
soi
ntheacci
dent
Me:
uhm Iwas
Hi
m:di
dIdi
schar
gey
ou?
Me:
yes.
.yesy
oudi
dsi
r
Him:mmhIdon' trememberdoi
ngthatbut
anywayjustdon'
tcarr
yheavyst
ufff
orawhile
asforyouMrCoopery oust
il
lgonnabehere
twomor edays
Nic:aslongasEnt
lewi
l
lbeal
l
owedt
ost
ay
herewit
hme
Ismi
l
ed
Doc:
whoev
ert
hati
s,i
t'
sokay
Thenhelef
tther
oom, Ni
c'
smom wasgonna
bri
nghimthi
ngstochangel
aterandsomef
ood
forus.
.
Afteralongst
ayt
heyl
eft
,wewat
chedTV
together
..
Khol
o:knockknock
Me:heyyoul
ookcl
ean,whydi
dn'
tyout
ell
me
whenyouwer
eleav
ing
Her:youguyswheresleepi
ngsopeaceful
ly
,it
wassoocuteIeventookapicanduploadedit
onFacebook
Wel
aughed.
.
Kholo:Ibr
oughtyoucl
othestochange
becauseIknowyouwon'twanttoleav
ehi
m
here
Me:I
'm st
art
ingtothi
nky
ouknowmebet
ter
t
hanIknowmy sel
f
Her:ofcour
seIdo,Iknewy
ouwer
einl
ovewi
th
t
hisphycobefor
eyouknewit
Ni
c:heywat
chi
t
Kholo:
cal
lifyouneedany
thi
ngLuy
oiswai
ti
ng
formeout
sidei'
ll
seeyouguy
stomorr
ow:)
Sheki
ssedmycheek
Me:
Byef
ri
end
Her:
Ilov
eyou
Me:
Ilov
eyout
oo
Shel
ookedatmef
orasecond
Her:
uhm ar
eyouokay
?
Me;
yeahwhy
?
Shehadaconf
usedl
ook
Ni
c:Mi
racl
esdohappenKhol
otheyr
eal
l
ydo
Khol
o:Amenbr
other
Theybot
hlaughedasshewal
kedout
Me: Mi
racles?Whydoest
hesay
ing'
Lov
e't
hing
sur
pri
sey'all
?
Nic:becausethewordscaresyoubutIhope
notanymore,l
ookthanksforbei
ngherewith
meitmeansal ot
Me:
youwoul
ddot
hesamef
orme
Weki
ssedt
henhehel
dmei
nhi
sar
ms<3
[
07/
11,
18:
03]Ron:
TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t19

TheseconddayNi
cwasdi
schar
gedf
rom t
he
hospi
talbutundercer
tai
ncondi
ti
ons,Si
ncet
he
headisverysensi
ti
vehehadtotakehis
tr
eatmentaccordi
ngly
.
Afterhewasdi schar
gedhewenthomef ora
fewday sandIwentbackt oschool,Iwasr eal
ly
focusedonmyschool workbecauset heJune
examswer earoundthecorner,I
'm sit
tingon
topofmybedandKhol oIsasleepwhenI
receiv
edacal lfr
om mymot herIwassur pri
sed
andIdi dn'
tknowwhet hertotakethecal lornot
'
Ipickedupt hephone'
Me:
Hel
l
o
Mom :
Mbal
i
ear
eyouokay
?
Me:
uhm si
ncewhendoy
oucar
eaboutt
hat
?
Mom :
I'
myourmot
herofcour
seIcar
e
Me:Idi
dn'tknowy ouknewy ouaremymother
nont
helessy ou'
renolongerthaty
ou'
rej
usta
womanwhocar r
iedmef or9monthst
hembie
Her:
Mbal
ent
lepl
easeIknowi
'
vebeenabad
motherandevery
thi
ngbutIwantt
hingst
oget
backtonormalpl
easecomehome
Me:
hel
efty
oudi
dn'
the
Her:
uhm t
hishasnot
hingt
odowi
tht
hat
Me: Iknewityouwouldn'tcal
li
fhewasst
il
l
wit
hy ousonowhel ef
ty ouandyouwanna
maket hi
ngsright
?Unti
lwhen?Whenhecomes
backtoy ouandtheny
ouchasemeoutagai n
Her:
Mbal
i
eIdi
dn'
tchasey
ououty
oul
eft
Me: youar emymot her!Youcould'
vemade
t
hingsrightearl
ierormay becar
eal i
lbi
tmore
,conv
incemet ocomehomebutnoy ouwer
e
t
oobusyf ucki
ngthatthug
Her:
Mbal
i
ewat
chy
ourmout
h
Me: I'
m sorr
yt hetrut
hhur t
sIknow,don'twor
ry
I'
m surehe'l
lbebackasl ongasy ousti
l
lhave
moneyhewi l
lneverpermanentlyl
eaveyouor
evenbetteryou'l
lgetanotherone
Her:
Hel
ovesme
Me: thenwhyareyoucall
ingme?Togo
thr
ought hesamethi
ngI'm sor
rypleasedon't
evercall
meagainforgetthatyouhav eachil
d
I'
m surethatwi
ll
makey ourli
febetterI'
m al
one
now
Her:
Iwast
ryi
ngt
ohel
pyoubutf
ine.
.
Ihangupbefor
eshecoul
dfini
shtal
king,it
ook
offmyshoesgoti
nsi
dethecoverandfacedthe
wall
..
Khol
o:y
ou'
renotal
oneMbal
z
Idi
dn'tanswerherIj
ustsl
owl
ycl
osedmyey
es
andfadedtosleep.
..
Khol
o:Mbal
i
e!!
?
Iopenedmyey
es
Her:sorr
ytowakeyoubutNi
cwant
stot
alkt
o
youhisbeencal
l
ingyou
Me:
wher
eishe
Her:
hej
ustar
ri
vedhi
sdownst
air
s
Me:
Tel
lhi
mI'
m asl
eep
Her:Iknowyou'
rehavi
ngar
ought
imebuty
ou
can'
tdothi
stoyoursel
f
Me:dowhat?Whatam Idoi
ngKholo?I
tain'
t
l
ikewhatl
i
fei
sdoingt
omei sn'
tal
readytort
ure
Kholo:
y ou'
rest
rongMbal
iedon'
tl
ety
ourmom
defi
nethekindofl
if
eyou'
l
lli
vest
andupfor
your
sel
f
Me: sayst hepersonwhocan' tevenstandup
forherself
,Kholoyoul etUnakopushy ou
aroundlikeabi t
chyou'v ebeenf ri
endwithher
foryearsbuty oudon'tev enreali
zeshebulli
es
youintostuffyoualway sl ethergetawaywi t
h
everyt
hing,andy outoleratehershitsodon'ttel
l
meaboutst andi
ngupf ormy selfwhenyou
don'tknowt hefir
stthingaboutt hat
Khol
o: Mbali
ethat'
snotwhatImeant,
howcan
yousaythosethi
ngs?Butyouknowwhat?
maybeItoler
ateUnakobecausesheal
ways
get
swhatshewant sthat
'sj
usther,
shehas
every
thingthatshewant sandmay beIdol et
herpushmear oundbecausewhenIf ir
stgott o
thi
splaceshehadmybackbuty ouwoul dn't
knowwhatt hatmeansbecausey ouknow
nothi
ngaboutcar i
ngf orot
herpeople,youlivea
l
ifewher eyoushutdowny ourfeeli
ngsandr un
awayf r
om ev eryemot iont
hatyoucarry
becausey ou'r
escar edoflovescaredtolet
peoplein..wellIguesswear ebothfuckedupi n
awayMbal entl
e
Shestoodupandl ef
ttheroom,Ial
sowent
downstai
rstoNicIdidn'
tknowhowIf el
tabout
whatKholojustsai
dbutshewasr i
ghtasmuch
asIhateditshewasr i
ght
!
Ni
c:heybabe
Wesatdown
Me:
hey
,how'
syourhead?
Hi
m:st
il
labi
tpai
nful
butt
hemedsar
ehel
ping
Me:
Okaygood
Hi
m:what
'swr
ong
Me:
not
hingwhy
?
Hi
m:Iknowy
ouEnt
let
alkt
ome
Me:mymothercal
ledear
li
erandIj
usthadmy
f
ir
stf
ightwi
thKhol
o
Him:Ihopewhat ev
ery ourmot
hersaidyou
di
dn'
tputitt
oy ourheadandasf orKhol
oshe'
l
l
comedownf r
iendsfight
Me:Itr
iednott
o,idon'
tknowifshe'
l
lfor
giv
e
meIsai
dsomepr ett
yharshst
uff
Ni
c:shel
ovesy
ouI
'
m sur
eshewi
l
l
Me:
I'
mreal
l
yfuckedupai
n'
tI?
Helookedawayforasecondt
hent
ookmy
handsandlookedi
ntomyeyes
Nic:thatdoesn'
tmat t
erEntleIloveyouandI
guesssomehowi 'vefal
leninlovewith
ever
ythingaboutyou,Iunderstandhowthings
haveturnedoutforyouafteryourdadpassed
butti
mehealsallwoundsyoudon'tneedto
rushtoseethi
ngsthewayy ou'
resupposedto
babysteps,
babyandI'm wi
thyou.
Me:howcany
oul
oveadul
lper
sonl
i
ket
his
Ni
kho?
Him: thi
ngisyoubrightenmylif
ey oupushme
towanttobeabet terguythani'
veeverbeen
,you'
renotdullent
leyou'r
ejusttr
oubledand
every
onei sj
ustdif
ferentl
y.
Her
eachedhi
shandt
omyfaceandwipedt
he
t
ear
sthatwer
enowfi
li
ngmycheeks
Ni
c:It
oldy
ouIgaty
ou
Hepulledmei nt
ohisarmsandheldmetight
,
thewayNi csmell
edsomehowcalmedme
downhi sscentmademeknowt hathewas
ther
e..Holdinghi
m mademef eell
i
kethi
ngs
weregonnabebet t
er.
Me:
I'
m gl
adIhav
eyou
Ni
c:andI
'
m gl
adIhav
eyou:
),nowgowor
k
t
hingsoutwi
thy
ourbestf
ri
end.
It
ookadeepbr
eat
h
Me:Yeahi'
l
lseeyoutomor
rownehIneedt
o
sl
eepal
lthi
soffi
tsbeenahor
ri
bleday
Hi
m: t
hat
'sokaydon'
tl
eavemewheny
ouwal
k
t
oschool
inthemorni
ng,Il
ovey
ou
Me:
OkayIl
ovey
out
oo
WekissedthenIwentbacktomyroom,Khol
o
wasplayi
ngwithherphonesi
tt
ingont
hechair
Iwentov
ert
osi
tont
hef
loornextt
oher
Me:
hey
Her:
hi
Me:
howar
eyou?
Her:
I'
m okay,
you?
Me:
Yeahmet
oo
Itwassi
lentf
orawhi
l
ethenwespokeatt
he
sametime
Me:
yougof
ir
st
Her:
noy
ougo
Me: I'
m sor
ryfort
hethingsIsaid,Ididn'
tmean
them Iknowyoumeantnohar my ouj ust
l
ookingoutformeandIappr eciat
et hatKhol
o
j
ustthatsomeday st
histhingisharderthan
other
s
Kholo:
IknowbabeandI 'm alsosorr
yforgoi
ng
atyoul
ikethatbutyouwererightIl
etUnako
pushmear oundbecauseIfeelli
keIoweher
andmay beIhavealil
softspotforher
Me: youdon'toweherany t
hingKholodoesn'
t
matterifshewaswi t
hy ouwheny '
al
lwerenew
hereI'
m sureyou'v
ealreadypayedthatback
overtheyearsforput
tingupwithherbull
shi
t
Khol
o:Iguessso,
sowecool
Me: onl
yify
oupr omisemet ol
ear
nhowt osay
notoUnako,Iai
n'tsayi
ngstopbei
ngfri
ends
wit
hherbutfri
endsdon'tt
akeadvant
ageof
f
ri
ends
Khol
o:Iknowi
'
llconsi
deri
t
Me:
thenwecool
:)
Wehugged.
..
.
..
Day spassedNi candIwer ev eryhappyt hings
werewor kingoutr eall
ygood, wespentmor e
andmor et i
met oget hereachdaybutwhenIgot
acal lthatIwasaccept edinUPi tfeltli
ket hings
weregoi ngt ofallapar tbetweenusi twassad
becausehewasgonnast udyi ndur banbutwe
promi sedeachot herwewoul dmakemeanst o
tr
yandmakeourr elationshipwor kt hrough
distance, Iwasscar edI 'm surehewasal so
scar edbutourf uturecamef i
rstKhol owasal so
goingt odur bansoIf i
guredIwoul dhav et wo
peopl etov isitt
her ewhi chwasagoodt hingwe
allt
r i
edt ol ookatt hesi t
uationinaposi ti
veway .
UnakoandInev
err
eal
l
yspokeagai
nshedi
d
apologi
zeandIforgav
eherbutImadeitcl
ear
thatIwasnevergonnahangoutwi
thheragai
n..
Wearesi
tt
ingout
sidenearthetr
eeswit
hNic
andj
ustt
alki
ngaboutever
ythi
ngeati
ngsnacks
..
Ni
c:cany
ousayawhol
esent
enceusi
ngXhosa
?
Il
aughed
Me:NoIcan'
t,somewor
dsar
ereal
l
ydi
ff
icul
t
f
ormetopronounce
Ni
c:butatl
easty
out
rybabe:
)
Me:
Yeahatl
eastIunder
standi
t
Ni
c:Iwannaknowev
ery
thi
ngabouty
ou
Me:
Ial
sowannaknowev
ery
thi
ngabouty
ou
Nic:y
ouknowIdanceandIcan'
tsi
ngwoul
dn'
t
event
ry"hegi
ggledhi
sdi
mplesmademesmil
e
"uhm .
.whatel
se?
Me:
Idon'
tknowy
out
ell
me
Nic:okayIwannabeanengineer
,I'
m pl
anni
ng
t
ohav emyowncompanyandIwannamar ry
youoneday"helookedatme"
Me: youj
ustsay
ingt
hat
,you'
l
lmeetsomeone
you'
llr
eal
l
ywannaspendther
estofyourl
i
fe
with
Ni
c:IknowwhatIwantEnt
le,
any
wayy
ourt
urn
Me:
Ican'
tdancey
ouknow"
hel
aughed"
Ni
c:butIt
aughty
ouaf
ewmov
esbabe
Me: i
ttookmeforevertolear
nthose,andIcan
dri
vewhichyourecentl
yfoundout,Il
ove
desi
gningst
uff,
drawingjustar
tingeneral
andI
al
sowannawor kunderengineeri
ng
Hesmi
l
ed
Me:
ohandIknowhowt
ospeakFr
ench
Ni
c:t
hat
'sr
eal
l
ycool
,ar
eyougonnat
eachme?
Me:
ify
out
eachmepr
operXhosa
Hi
m:wehav
eadeal
MissCol
l
ins
Me:
goodMrCopper
Hel
aidonhi
sbackont
hegr
assandpul
l
edme
t
osl
eepontopofhi
m
Nic:Iwanttobuil
dali
fewi
thyouMbalent
leno
matterwhati
ttakes'
heki
ssedmyfor
ehead
head'
[
07/
11,
18:
04]Ron:
TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t20

Ijustfini
shedwr iti
ngmyJuneexamsandov er
thepastf ewweeksmyl if
ewast hebestandI
owedal lofthattomyBestf ri
endandmy
boy f
riend,itwasn'teasybutev er
ydayIgrew
strongerandmost lyclosert
oNi citwasli
kethe
l
astf ewmont hswehadt ogetherweretheones
whomadeusgr owst r
ongertocr avet
obenext
toeachot her.
.
Thei
nvest
igat
ionaboutt
hecaracci
dentwe
werei nnev ergotanywheresot hecasewas
terminatedbutweal lknewwhowasbehi ndthe
wholet hingandt omysur priseafterthatdayhe
nevershowedupatschool again,Cjwantedto
hunthim downandmakehi m paybuti twasn't
wor t
hitatl easthedi
dn'tgot opri
sonandhe
wasn'tchar gedwithanythingbutt hat'
sanother
story.
Nichasbeennaggi ngmef ordayst ospendt he
holi
dayathisplaceKholoaswel lbutIturned
them bothdownsev eralt
imes, Iwantedt olear
n
tobeonmyownandnotr elyonany one
becauseIreal
izedafterIfi
nishgrade12t hat'
s
howt hi
ngsaregonnabe, i'
llhavet ohust l
efor
my sel
fsoIdecidedthatIwasgonnabooka
B&Bandst aytherebecauseIwasnev ergonna
gobackhomeagai nnotev enifIdesper atel
y
neededto.

Khol
oandIar
epacki
ng.
.
Khol
o:ar
eyousur
eyoudon'
twannacome
homewit
hme?
Me:wealreadyt
alkedaboutt
hissever
alti
mes
Khol
oI'
m notgonnachangemymi ndIneedto
beonmyown
Her:
cany
ouatl
eastv
isi
t
Me:
ofcour
sei
'
llseey
ouev
ery
day
Shesmi
l
ed
Her:
isn'
tNi
cmad
Me: hewasbuthi
sokaynowhehadt
o
underst
and
Her:
wel
latl
easty
ou'
l
lbet
oget
heral
lthet
ime
Me:
Yeah:
)
Her:
andmay
besomet
hingmi
ghthappen
Me:
ohmyGodKhol
ono!
Shel
aughed
Her:
I'
mjustsay
ingy
ouguy
shav
ebeendat
ing
f
oral
most6mont
hsnow
Me: I
'
m sonothav
ingt
hisconv
ersat
ionwi
th
you
Her:
i'
ll
giv
eyout
ips
Il
aughed
Me:
Khol
ost
opi
t
Ipushedhertothebedt
henpl
ayf
ull
y
suff
ocatedherwit
hapil
low
Khol
o:okayf
inendi
yeki
l
emyf
ri
end
West
oodup
Her:
I'
m gonnami
ssy
ouy
az
Me:I
'm gonnamissyout
oobutwe'
l
lst
il
lspend
asmuchtimetoget
her
Her:noImeannexty
earit
'sgonnaber
eal
l
y
har
dbeingawayfr
om you
Me:Iknowheybutf
ornowlet
'sj
ustmaket
he
bestoft
hefewmonthswehavel
eft
Khol
o:y
eahpar
tyl
i
kecr
azy
Me:
thatt
oo:
)
Her:sowhatar
eyougonnadowheny
ougett
o
Pr
etori
a?
Me:i
'
llgost
rai
ghtt
oregi
stert
henmov
einat
r
es
Her:IwishIwasgonnagowi t
hy ouhey,t
hings
aregonnabehar dwhenyou'r
ealoney ougonna
thi
nkabouteverycrapbutpl
easeMbal iet
ake
careofyour
selfandknowi'l
lalwaysbeherefor
youevenbyphone, pr
omisemewe' llt
alk
every
day?
Me: Kholoyoudepr
essingmenow, l
ooklet
's
dealwit
ht hi
swhenithappensnehbutI
promisewe'l
lworki
tout
Wehugged
Khol
o:Ihear
dNi
c'
sdadr
epl
acedhi
scar
Me:
YeahbutIhav
en'
tseeni
t
Kholo:thewayNici
ssohumbleyouwouldn'
t
tel
lhisfr
om afi
lt
hyr
ichf
amil
ybutIguesshe
gotitfr
om hi
sfol
ks
Me:
truet
heyar
ereal
l
yni
cepeopl
e
Khol
o:uzobangakot
iwaphake
Me: hahaohpl easebytheti
meNi cget
sto
Durbangir
lswillbeall
overhim andIwon'
tbe
ther
ehe'l
lobviouslymeetsomeonebutIwon't
blamehimy ouknow
Khol
o:i
sthatwhaty
ou'
reaf
rai
dof
?
Me: IsupposethatdoesscaremeabitImeanI
don'twannalosehim butany
waythi
ngsgohow
theyaresupposedto
Her:Idon'twannadefendNi
cbecausemaybe
he'
l
lchangebutf r
om whatIknowabouthi
m
nowy ou'
retheonlygi
rlhi
severt
rul
ylov
ed
Myphoner
ang.
.
Me:
Baby
Ni
c:ar
eyoudone?
Me:
almost
Hi
m:okayI
'
m out
side
Il
ookedoutt
heWindowandsawaAshgrey
GTI,
Iwasmadlyi
nlovewi
thVW car
sbut
mostl
yGTIandNi
cknewthat
Me:
wai
tbabey
ougotaGTI
?
Hegi
ggl
ed
Ni
c:comedownwe'
l
ltal
k
Hel
ookedupt
heWi
ndowt
henbl
ewaki
ss
Hi
m:gott
hat?
Me:
ofcour
se
Ismi
l
edanddr
oppedt
hecal
l
Khol
o:see?
Me:
what
?
Her:heboughtacarj
ustbecausey
ou'
recr
azy
abouti
t
Me:
Iguesst
hat
'sconv
inci
ngenough
Wefi
nishedpacki
ngthenKhol
owalkedmeto
t
hecar,Nicmetushalfwayt
otakethebags
t
henwewentt othecar.
Khol
o:i
'
llseey
out
omor
rowneh
Me:
Okaybabe
Wehuggedt
henIgoti
nthecaranddr
oveof
f.
.
Hi
m:Sowhatdoy
out
hink?
Me:
Ithi
nkt
hisi
sawesome,
it'
sbeaut
if
ul:
)
Hi
m:wannat
ryi
tout
?
Me:
please:
D
Hel
aughedandpul
l
edupasidether
oadt
hen
weswi
tchedsi
dest
henIdr
ov e
Me:
thi
sfeel
sgood
Hi
m:I
'
m sur
eitdoes
I
fyouwer
eatmyshoesduri
ngthatti
meyou
woul
d'
veunder
stoodwhyIt
houghtNi
cwas
gonnabethemanofmyl i
fe,hewasevery
thi
ng
agirl
wishesforandmoreIlovedhi
m and
thi
nki
ngaboutbeingawayf r
om hi
m gavemea
heavyheart
achebutIhadtoenjoyt
hetimeI
hadwithhim..
Idrov
etotheB&BthatIwasgonnastayin,
we
tookoutmybagsthenwal
kedinsi
detochecki
n
Igotmykeythenwewenttomyr oom..
I
twasnot
hingt
oof
ancybuti
twasgr
eat
Nic:It
hinkI
'
m gonnaspendt
oomanyni
ght
s
here
Me:
may
bey
oushoul
d
Icamecl
oset
ohi
m
Ni
c:yousur
eyouwantt
hatImeanIcanbe
r
eal
lyt
empti
ng
Igi
ggl
ed
Me:
getov
ery
our
sel
f'Iki
ssedhi
m'
Wesor
tedmyt
hingsoutt
henIcal
l
edKhol
oto
tel
lherI'
m sett
ledshewasalsoalr
eadyonher
wayhome, thenNicandIjustl
aidonthebed
andenjoyedeachother
'scompany
Nic:
soit'
syourbi
rt
hdayt
hisweekendwhatdo
youwannado?
Me:
Ijustwannabewi
thy
ou
Hesmi
l
ed
Hi
m: t
hat'
sanexcepti
onbutI
'
m sur
eKhol
owi
l
l
al
sowanttospendti
mewithyou
Me:YeahIguesswecanal
lgooutor
somet
hing
Nic:okay
,Ihavetogodr
opmyt
hingsathome
i
'l
lcomebacklater
Me:
Okayi
'
llseey
oul
atert
hen
Ni
c:doy
ouhav
eenoughcashwi
thy
ou?
Me:
mor
ethanenough
Nic:
okaybuti
ncaseyougonnawant
somethi
ngher
eyougo
Me:
arey
ouser
iousl
ygi
vi
ngmemoney
?
Hi
m:y
eahy
oudi
dn'
tdr
awanycash
Me:
becauseIwon'
tneedany
,Iwi
l
lwhenIdo
Ni
c:pl
easet
akei
t
Me:
getout
Ist
oodupandopenedt
hedoor
Hel
ookedatme
Ni
c:Fi
nei
'
llbeback
Hewalkedt
othedoort
henqui
ckl
ythr
ewt
he
moneyonthebedandr
anout
Me:
Nikho!
Hi
m:Il
ovey
ou"
hey
ell
edashewal
kedaway"
Ismil
edandclosedt
hedoor,It
ookoffmy
cl
othespl
ayedmusicthenwenttot
akeal
ong
bat
h..

Youknowwhathappenswhenev
ery
thi
nggoes
almostt oowel li
ny ourli
fe?Itdoesn'
tlustI
l
earntthathappi nessislimitedonewayor
anothert hi
ngsjusthav eawayofgoi ngsoo
wrong, Idon'tknowwhet herIwasl uckytobe
thathappyori twasacur sewai t
ingt
ohappen
butlookingbackt herewasnot hi
ngthatIwoul
d
dodifferentl
yev enifmyf uturewouldbeshown
tome.
Nicwasmyl ifel
iteral
lyIknowt heysaydon' t
makey ourboy fr
iendy oureverythingbutInev er
madehi mt hatallofitjustautomat ically
happenedwi thoutmeev ennot i
cing, myl if
ewas
dif
ferentf ort hefirstt
imeaf termyf ather
passedIwashappyhonest l
yandf r
eelyy es
somet hingwasmi ssi
ngbutt hatwas
somet hingbey ondmypowermybi rthdaywas
i
n3day sandf orthefirstti
memymot her
wasn'tgonnar ememberIj ustknewshe
wouldn't,shewentbackt oheroldway sIcould
tel
lthatt hingswer ewor ki
ngoutf inebet ween
herandhert hugagai nbutIbl ockedt het hought
ofheri
naever
ywayIcoul
dIwasnowl
ooki
ng
for
wardtomy17t
hbi
rthday
[
07/
11,
22:
11]Ron:
TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nset21

Nicwasl i
teral
lyatt
heB&Bal l
theti
meheev en
hadsomeofhi sthi
ngst her
ewewoul dtalk,
play
,watchmov i
esandcuddl eal
ldayandsincewe
bothcouldn'tcookIhadt ol
earnforfut
ure
purposes, soontheFridaybefor
emybi rt
hday
dayIhadt ogohav elunchwithhisfamil
yhis
mom invitedmeov er.
Wewokeupt henIwentt otakeabathhedi d
thesameandwedr ovetohishouse,wear r
ived
andhislit
tl
ebrot
hercamer unningtous,he
real
l
ylikedmeandIl ovedhim becausehe
l
ookedsoomuchl i
keNi cbuthewasl i
ghterand
moreador abl
e:)
Wewal
kedi
nsi
deandIgr
eet
edt
hepar
ent
s..
Nicksmom :
Iwasaboutt
ost
artcooki
ngIhope
youtwodi
dn'
teat
Ni
c:nowedi
dn'
tandEnt
lecoul
dhel
pyou
Igav
ehi
m adeat
hst
are'
hel
aughed'
Her:
cany
oucookMbal
i
e?
Me:
uhm.
.wel
lnotr
eal
l
yma
Her:
okayI
'
llt
eachy
ouaf
ewt
hings
Ismil
edoutofexci
tementIreal
l
ywant
edto
l
earnhowtocookandNi c'
smom wasthebest
cookaft
ermymot her
..
Wewentt
othekit
chenandstartedcooking
whi
l
stwewerechatt
ingaboutbasict
hings
Her:
younev
ert
alkabouty
ourmom
Myf
acechanged
Me:t
her
e'snot
hingt
otal
kaboutwheni
tcomes
t
oher
Her:
whatdoy
oumean?
Me:
let
'sj
ustsaywear
enotcl
osema
Il
ookeddown
Her:
okaykejustsoy
ouknowI'
my oursecond
mom maybeonedayitmi
ghtbeof
fici
al:)
Me:
may
be:
)
Wef i
nishedcooki
ngthendishedupf or
everyoneandwenttoeat,Nic'
sdadwasn'ta
tal
kativeper
sonbuthewasr eall
yfunnyso
aroundt het
abl
eitwasjustl
aughter.
.
Nic'sli
tt
lebrother'
Aphel
ele'bur
nedhimselfa
bitbutsincehewasababyhecr i
edandt omy
surpri
sewhenNi cwastryi
ngtopickhim uphe
refusedandopenedhi sarmsformei nst
ead
thatreal
lywarmt hmyheartitwasjustpr
icel
ess
plusIlovedkidsalotalt
houghIdidn'
twantany
ofmyown.
It
ookhi
m andki
ssedhi
shand
Me:
isi
tbet
ter
?
Hi
m:uhuh:
)
Me:
OkayBi
gboy:
)
Thenwecont i
nuedwit
heating,
Isomehowf elt
l
ikeNic'
sfamil
ywasbecomi ngmyownt hey
werereal
lyget
tingf
ondofmeandI '
m guessing
forsomereasonsIwasli
keadaughtersince
theydi
dn'
thaveanychil
drenwhoaregir
ls..
Afterwefini
shedNicandIhadt ogobecauseI
promisedtospendtherestofmydaywi t
h
Kholo,weleftt
okholo'
splaceandherparent
s
wer est
il
latworksoshewaschi ll
i
ngwith
Luyolo,wewentinsi
deandjoinedthem
Me:
yougonnagetbust
edonedayy
out
wo
Khol
o:andmydadwoul
dkill
meI '
m supposed
tobest
ayi
ngawayf
rom t
hisi
diot
Luyol
o:I
'myouri
diotandyourdadwoul
dkil
lme
fi
rst
,whatar
eyourplansf
ortomorr
owy out
wo?
Ni
c:wel
lwehav
enot
hingpl
annedj
ustt
ochi
l
l
t
oget
her
Hel
ookedatme
Me: Yeahbutmay
bey
ouguy
scancomeov
er
dur
ingtheday
Khol
o:udeuspecif
y(e)thatdur
ingthedaycaba
atni
ghtani
khoavail
able'shel
aughed'
Me:
pleaseshutupKhol
o
Khol
o:j
ustsay
ing
Ismil
ed,
wechi l
l
edwatchi
ngamovieand
havi
ngwinethenwesoonhadt
oleavebecause
i
twasgetti
nglate.
Whenwearr
ivedIchangedint
opj'
sthenwe
st
ayedi
nbedunti
lIfeelasl
eep,Ni
cwokeme
up
Hi
m:happybi
rt
hdaygor
geous
Hekissedme,
Icheckedt
het
imeandi
twas
00:
00am
Me:
Thanky
oubabycanIgobackt
osl
eep?
Hegi
ggl
ed
Hi
m:ofcour
seIl
ovey
ouokay
?
Me:
Ilov
eyou
Icl
osedmyey
esandsl
ept
..
.
Thef ol
lowingmorni
ngNicwokemeupwi
th
breakfastandacupcakewi
thacandl
e
Me:
thi
sissoosweet
,thanky
oubaby
Hi
m:wel
lIhav
etospoi
lyout
oday
Me:
youhav
etospoi
lmeev
ery
day
Hi
m:don'
tpushi
t
Igi
ggl
ed
Heki ssedmyl ipsthenweat eandst ayedinbed
until
af t
ernoon,Iwasr eceivi
ngr eall
ysweet
messagesf rom theothergir
lsf r
om school and
al
somyf r
iendsfrom EastLondonwhi chwasa
bitofat al
kbecausewenol ongercont act
ed
butmostshocki ngwasUnako' sreall
ysweet
massage, al
mostev eryonebutmymom andI
knewshewoul dn'tsoIdi dn'
tletitbotherme.
Ni
c:gobat
hwegoi
ngout
Me:
Ithoughtwewer
egonnast
ayi
ntoday
Nic:Ichangedmymi
nd:
),goIr
anabat
hfor
you
Me:
Okaysi
r
Hesmi
l
ed
IwenttobathwhenIgotouthehadtakenout
cl
othesforme,aredcockt
ail
dressandblack
gl
adiat
orsandl
es
Me:
uhm what
'sal
lthi
s?
Hi
m:Isawt
hisdr
essandpi
ctur
edi
tony
ou
Me: babyyouknowIdon'
tal
l
owy
out
obuy
t
hingsforme
Ni
c:it
'sy
ourbirt
hdayentl
ecanIspoi
lyou
r
ott
enatleastt
hisonce
Il
ookedathi
m
Ni
c:besi
desyouwoul
dn'
twantmetotaket
hat
dr
essbackt
otheshopwoul
dyou?I
t'
sredyour
f
avour
it
ecol
ourandy
oul
ovet
hesedesi
gns
Me:uhm Isupposenotbutbabyt
hisi
saR600
dr
ess
Hi
m:t
hatdon'
tcount:
)
Ihuggedhi
m
Me:
Thanky
ou:
)
Igotdressedwhilsthewenttobath,Iputona
darkmatl i
pst
ickthenti
edmyhai r..
thedress
wasr eal
lyl
ovelyitmademef eelr
eall
yspecial
i
naway, Nicfini
shedbathi
ngthenhegot
dressedint
oblackshortsacasualshir
tand
vans..
Hi
m:y
oul
ookbeaut
if
ul
Hepul
l
edmecl
oset
ohi
mthenki
ssedme
Me:
ha.
ababymyl
i
pst
ick
Hi
m: i
fit
'sgonnast
opmef
rom ki
ssi
ngy
ou
we'
l
lgetri
dofit
Thenheunexpect
edl
yki
ssedmeagai
nandI
pl
ayf
ull
ypushedhi
m..
Het
ookt
hekey
sthenwel
eft
Me:
wher
ear
ewegoi
ng?
Ni
c:y
ou'
l
lsee.
.
Wedrov
eintownthenwentinsi
deamal
l
,we
wal
kedtospuri
nthetopf
loor
WhenWewal kedinsideIsawhim gi
vi
ngsome
si
gnaltowai
terbutthenIsaidnot
hing,we
wentandsatinatablefor4
Me:
whyar
ewesi
tt
ingi
nat
abl
efor4?
Ni
c:Khol
oandl
uyol
oar
ejoi
ningus
Andsoont heyarri
ved, Khol
ocouldn'tstop
huggi
ngmei twaslikeIwast hefi
rstpersonto
haveabirt
hday ,
Shewasat ruefri
endIknow
thi
sbecausewhenev erIwashappyt hatmade
herhappyandsomet imeswhengoodt hi
ngs
happenedtomeshewoul dgetexcit
edev en
morethanIam shewasabl essingstil
lis:)
Weorder
edandate,
thensoonallt
hewai
ter
s
camewit
habigcakesingi
ngforme
Il
ookedatNi
c
Me:
youdi
dthi
s?
Hesmi
l
ed
Hi
m:wi
thal
i
ttl
ehel
pfr
om Khol
oofcour
se
Aftert
heysangf
ormet
heyl
eftandIhadt
ocut
thecake
Me: uhm t
hisi
sbigI'
m notgonnal
eavewhat
'
s
l
efthereI
'mtaki
ngitbacktomyroom
Theyal
ll
aughed
Thecakewaswr
itt
enHappy17t
hbirt
hday
Entl
ewit
hahear
t,itwasat
reel
ayersponge
cake.
whi
l
ewewer
eeat
ingt
heyal
lgav
emepr
esent
s
Khol
o:y
ou'
reonl
yal
l
owedt
oopent
hem l
ater
Me:Thankyouguysthi
sisall
too
ov
erwhel
mingIappreci
atei
t: )
Aft
eralongbli
ssf
ulaf
ter
noonNi
candIheaded
backt
ot heB&B.
Me:
Thanky
ouf
ort
oday
Hi
m:onl
ythebestf
ormyqueen
Me:Iwantedsomethi
ngsmal
landy
oumadei
t
t
hatbutext
raspeci
al,
il
ovey
ou
Hi
m:Il
ovey
ou.
.mor
ethanany
thi
ngEnt
le
Hecamecl oseandst art
edki
ssingmebutthe
ki
sswasdi ffer
ent
,ithadsoomuchpassion.
.he
sl
owlyplacedmeont hebedandgotontopof
mewhilstkissi
ngme, bl
oodracedt
hroughmy
bodyandmyhear twasbeat i
ngonanother
l
evel
HeslippedhisHandundermydr essti
ghtl
y
grabbingmythighthenhepull
edmyl egopen
forall
owance,Icoul
dfeelhowturnedonhe
wasbecausehewast hatcl
osetome. .
Ni
c:arey
ousur
eyouwannadot
his?You'
re
r
eady
?
Hel
ookedi
ntomyey
es.
..
[
07/
11,
22:
24]Ron:
TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t22

It
ookadeepbr
eat
h
Me:
YeahI
'
mready
Hecont i
nuedki
ssingmethensl
owlyunzipped
mydr essfr
om t
hebackandpull
edital
ltheway
down, Iwasonl
yleftwi
thmyunder
wearanda
bra.
.
Hewasbr eat
hingheav
il
yandIwasscaredbut
al
sov er
yhornythewayNicki
ssedmedid
somethi
ngdeept ome,Isl
owl
yunbut
tonedhis
shi
rtandtookitof
f.
.
Wecontinuedki
ssi
ngandsoonwewer eboth
nakedhequickl
ypul
ledt
hedrawernextt
othe
bedandtookoutacondom Idi
dn'
tevenknow
wehadcondoms, heputi ti
nthenki ssedmy
neckandsl owl ywentdownt omyboobsgi v i
ng
them equal attenti
on,hesuckedmyni pplesand
Icurvedmybackwhi chmadehi m evenmor e
i
nsanet henhest art
edgoi ngtomyl owerar ea,
hekissedinbet weenmyt highsthenwenti n
andsuckedmycooki ehepl ayedthereandI
wasi nsanelylosingmybr eath,small moans
escapedmyl ipshecamebackupandki ssed
met hendr oppedhi shandandst artedf i
ngering
me, i
twasr eall
ypainfulbutthekindapai nthat
feel
sgoodi naway .
.
Hetookmyl
egandwrappedi
tar
oundhi
swaist
t
henhewenti
nIscr
eamedandpushedhi
m off
Ni
c:I
'
m sor
ryI
'
m sor
rybaby
Iall
owedhimtot r
yagainanditwasast r
uggle
forafewminutesbuthef i
nal
lywentinandI
canneverexpl
ainthepainyoufeelwhen
breaki
ngyourvi
rgini
tybutnot
hingbeatsthat
pain.
Mynail
swerediggi
ngonhi sbackandmyf eet
wer
ecurli
ng,f
orsomer easonsIthinkmy
moansdrovehi
m crazyitwasli
keev er
yti
meI
moanedIwassay i
nggivememor e..
Me:
Nikho?
Iwasbr
eat
hingi
ntensel
y
Ni
kho:
Baby
Me:
Stop
Hi
m:now?
Me:
yesgetof
fme
Iwaspar
ti
all
yhol
dingt
ear
swi
thmyl
ashes
Hi
m:pl
easel
etmef
ini
shI
'
m al
mostdone
Niggart
ookhi
sfli
ppi
nt i
met
ocum i
twasl
i
ke
hewasonsupplements.
Ilethi
m conti
nueandsoonhecame, Ipushed
him of
fmet henfacedtheotherdi
recti
onthen
tearsf
elldownmyf acenoIwasn'tregret
ti
ngit
oranythi
ngItwasjustreal
l
ypainfulthewayit
burnedsi
tt
ingoni
cedi
dn'
tsoundev
enabi
t
crazy.
Ni
c:Ent
le?
Ii
gnor
edhi
m andsni
ff
ed
Hi
m:ar
eyoucr
ying?
Het
urnedmear
ound
Hi
m:di
dIhur
tyou?Babypl
easet
alkt
ome
Hewi
pedmyt
ear
s..
Hi
m: okaynowy oumaki
ngmef eelr
eal
l
ybad,
ar
eyouregret
ti
ngthi
salr
eadyorI.
.
Me: Noi
tsj
ustpai
nful
andKhol
otol
dmei
twas
nor
mal
Icoul
dseehewant edtolaughatmebutunder
thesi
tuat
ionhecouldn'
t
Him:I'
m sor
rybabybutIwasasgent
leasI
coul
dbe,wantmetokissit
?
Me:st
opbei
ngani
diot
."Ipl
ayf
ull
ypunched
hi
m"
Hepul
l
edmet
ohi
schest
Him: l
ookIknowt hi
sisscarybutthisdoesn't
changeany t
hingEnt
leitj
ustmakesusst ronger
Idon'
tloveyouanylessbutI'
m mor ecrazy
i
nstead,IknowitwaspainfulbecauseIalso
ki
ndaf eelt
hepainI'
m sorr
yokay ?Ify
ounev er
wannadoi tagainI
'l
lunder
stand
Me:
Noi
tsokayBaby
Hi
m:Happybi
rt
hdaybaby:
)
Me:thi
shastobet
hehi
ghl
i
ghtoft
heday
,t
hanks:)
Hi
m:Il
ovey
ouMbal
ent
leCol
l
ins
Me:
Ilov
eyout
oo
Hi
m:Il
ovey
oumor
e
Me:
NoIl
ovey
ouev
enmor
ethanmor
e
Hi
m:t
henIl
ovey
oumor
est
Il
aughed
Me:
ther
e'snosucht
hing
Hesmi
l
ed
Hi
m:atl
easty
ousmi
l
ing
Hekissedmyfor
eheadthenwecuddl eabitand
f
orthefir
stt
imewenttobathtogether,
Igot
i
ntopj'
shewenttobuymilkshakeswewat ched
amov i
eandfel
lasl
eepineachot her
sarms.
.
..
ThenextdayIwokeupandhewasn'tnextt
o
me,thewasaboxont heheadboar
dandanote
wri
tt
en"yourl
astpr
esent<3"
Iopenedtheboxandinsi
dethewasasil
ver
bracel
etdetai
l
edwit
hwhitediamonds,
i
twas
beauti
ful.
.
Istartedgetti
ngscar
edofeveryt
hinglooki
ngso
perfectbecauseIknewhowper f
ectthings
usuallyended,wewerebot
ht ooyoungt oshar
e
somuchl ove.
Ismi
ledandwentt
oopent
hepr
esent
sIgot
fr
om Khol
oandLuyol
o
Kholoboughtmer edandgol dsti
lett
osanda
neckpiecewi t
hahear twrit
tenfri
endsf orever
wheny ouopent heheartithadbot hournames
andwr i
ttenmyhear twil
lalwaysbewher eyou
are,atearescapedmyey eIwasr eal
lygrateful
toanext entt
hatIsaidalitt
leprayerinsi
de
thanki
ngGodf orever
ythi
ng,Luyoloboughtme
abagandani podwi t
hallmyf avouri
tesongsI
knewKhol ohelpedhim withthatone. .
Ii
mmediat
elycal
l
edKhol
oandt
hankedherf
or
ev
ery
thi
ng
Her:
arey
oucr
ying?
Me:
NoI
'
m notcr
ying
Her:Ncaawi
t'
sokaytocrybaby
,thankyouf
or
bei
nginmyli
feMbalzyou'
reatr
uesister
Wet alkedabitt
henIhangupandwentto
fr
eshenup, Idi
dn'
thavepl
ansandKholowas
accompany i
ngLuyotoQueenst
ownina
businessthi
ngsoIwasgonnabeindoorsal
l
day.
Ical
l
edthebankt ocheckifIcouldinvestmy
moneyandl ucki
lyareal
lynicel
adyhelpedme
andpromisedtocheckthebestoptions,Iknew
moneyrunsoutquicklybeforey
ouev enknowI
hadtobesaf eandsecuredunti
lIgetmyf unds.
Aft
erbathi
ngIworesweatpant
sandNic'
sT-
shi
rtandsocksbecausei
twaschi
l
lyt
hen
watchedmovies.
.
Hourslaterhewokemeupwhenheent
eredt
he
doorholdingtwoenv
elops
Hi
m:heyy
ou
Me:
heywher
ewer
eyou?
Him:Ihadt
odoaninsur
ancet
hingf
ort
hecar
andpi
ckedupt
hese
Hegavemeoneenvel
ope,Iopenedi
tandi
twas
myrepor
tIhadnomarkbell
ow75%
Ni
c:I
'
m soopr
oudofy
ou:
)
Me:
letmeseey
our
s
Hegav
eitt
ome
MeandNi cwer
ereall
ysli
ght
lycompet
iti
ve
whenitcametoschool
,hi
smar kswer
ejustas
good
Me:
andI
'
m pr
oudofy
ouCooper:
)
Hesmi
l
edandl
aidnextt
ome
Him: wegonnamakeitoutofher
etovarsi
ty
andjustaf
ter3-
4year
swe'll
betoget
heragain
for
ever
Me:Ibel
i
evethat
,heyt
hanksf
ort
hebr
acel
etI
r
eal
l
yloveit
Him:Thankyouforbeingmygi
rl
fr
iendand
sacr
if
ici
ngwhatIreal
l
yknowmeantal ott
oyou
forme
Me:
youear
nedi
t
Hecamecl
oseandweki
ssed
Hi
m:canIear
nitagai
n?
Il
aughed
Me:
don'
tpushi
tneh
Hej
usthel
dmesoot
ight
Him: thi
sdi stancethingalsoscaresmey ou
knowandal otbutIbeli
eveinus,Idon'tev er
wannal osey ouEnt l
eandIneedy out otrust
thatIwoul dnev erputmyselforyouinthat
posit
iony out heonlygir
lthatwil
leverhav emy
heart

[
07/
11,
22:
13]Kunt
a:TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t23

Weekspassedandsoonwehadt ogobackt o
schoolnothi
ngwasdi
ff
erenti
nmyl i
feIsti
l
lhad
amot herwhodi
dn'
tgi
vetheFwor daboutme
andamazingpeopl
easmyf ri
ends.
.
Theonl
ythi
ngt
hatwasst
ressi
ngmewer
emy
i
nvest
mentst hosethingscanswall
owy our
moneyandleav eyouwi t
hnothi
ngandIhad
i
nvest
edalmostal lmymoneywhi chIreal
ized
wasdumbonal atestagebutIhadhopet hat
t
hewholethingwoul dwor kout
.
Niccamet ocollecthist
hingsfr
om t
heB&Band
thenwentt opackhome, Ial
sogat
heredal
lmy
stuffandpackedt henwenttoshowerandate
breakfast
.
Kholocall
edmet ocheckifIwasalreadygoing
toschoolorIwasgonnal eavel
aterbutIhadto
waitforNi
csoItoldherIwasgonnagoal it
tle
l
ate,Ichi
ll
edandwat chedmov i
esforawhi l
e
thenNicarri
vedwithhisdadweloadedmy
thi
ngsinthecarthenhedr ov
eust oschool.
Wear r
ivedIthankedhi
m andsaidmygoodby
es
Nicwasst i
ll
talki
ngtohim soIt
ookmybags
andwentt omyr oom ,
Kholowasalr
eadyt
here
chi
ll
i
ngwi thUnako..
Me:
hey
Unako:
hey
Khol
o:y
out
ookf
orev
er
Me:youknowNictakeshisti
mewi
th
ev
eryt
hingandhedi
dn'twantmet
oleav
e
wi
thouthi
m
Khol
o:hemustj
ustpr
oposenowukwenza
umfazi
mos
Me:
Idon'
twannabeumf
azi
Theybot
hlaughed
Unako:Iknowy ouwon'
tbel
ievethi
sbutI
'
m
happyforyouguysyour
eall
ylookgood
toget
her
Ikeptqui
etforawhil
e,Khol
ogavemeadeat
h
star
eshesawt hatIwasn'
tat
tempt
ingt
o
answerUnako
Me:
it'
schi
l
ledUnako
Her:I
'
mr eal
l
ysorryMbal
zIwannabefr
iends
wit
hyouIknowit
'salotf
ory
oubuti'
ve
changed
Me:
uhm Iguesswecanwor
kont
hat
Khol
osmi
l
ed
Khol
o:I
'
m pr
oudofy
ou
Me:
forwhat
?
Her:Mbal
i
efr
om fi
rstt
erm woul
dn'
thav
e
accept
edt
heapol
ogy
Me:
Isupposeso
Unakocamecl
osef
orahug
Me:
dower
eal
l
yhav
eto?
Khol
o:y
esasapeacemaker
Me:
Ist
il
ldon'
tfeel
goodabouthugst
hough
Wehuggedt hentheyhelpedmeunpackedmy
stuf
fandwechi ll
edtal
ki
ngaboutourholi
day,
I
nevergotachancetotellKhol
othatIbr
okemy
vi
rgini
tybecausewewer ealwayswit
hNicand
Luyo
Me:
ihav
etot
ell
yousomet
hing
Khol
o:what
?
Me:
Ifi
nal
l
ydi
dit
Shewasst
il
lconf
used
Unako:youdi
dthedeed?OhmyGody
ouwer
e
avir
gin?
Kholostart
edbei
ngal
lexci
tedandwant
ingal
l
thedetai
lswhi
chwasreal
lyweir
d
Me:
guy
spl
easeno"
Ilaughed"
Khol
o:commonmbal
zhowwasi
t?
Me: whatdoyout
hink?Iwasbreaki
ngmy
vi
rgi
nit
yitwasnot
hingbutpai
nful
Her:di
dyoudoi
tagai
n?Ihopey
ouguy
suseda
condom
Me:Jeezt
hisi
ssoowei
rdf
ormenoI
'
m
l
eav
ing
Theywerel
aughi
ngandhol
dingmesot
hatI
don'
tgo
Me: Fi
newedidittwi
cethesecondt
imewas
bet
terthant
hefi
rsthappynow?CanIgo?
Khol
o:nopehowi
sNi
c?
Me:
whatdoy
oumean?
Her:
ishegood?
Me: what
?Howam Isupposedt
oknow?His
theonl
yguyi
'
vesl
eptwithsoobvi
ousl
yhi
s
good
Unako:
andhi
spackage?
Me:youguy
saresickI
'
m notgonnat
ell
you
howbigmyboy
fri
endspeni
sisno
Theylaughedatme,It
ri
edtobit
ethem sot
hey
wouldletgoofmethenIranout
..
Me:
i'
ll
bebacky
ouphy
co'
s
Okaythingswer en'
tasbadbetweenUnakoand
Ianymor ei
tkindafeltreal
l
ygoodnothavi
ngto
avoidherall
thet i
mebecauseshewasf ri
ends
withKholosowhent heyweret
oget
heritused
t
obeallawkwar
d,Ial
sodidn'
twantt
oleav
e
Hi
ghschoolwi
thunr
esol
vedthi
ngs.
.
Iwalkeddownstair
st ot heTVroom andwhenI
j
ustgotinmyey esqui cklyr
antoNicwhowas
sit
ti
ngonthesi
ngl ecouchandsomegi rl
Idon't
real
lyknowwassittingont opofhi
mt heywere
l
aughingandeverythingitwassuperconfusi
ng,
whenhesawmehepushedherof fandcamet o
me
Isatdownandst
aredatt
heTV
Ni
c:baby
Me:
mmh
Ni
c:uhm what
sapp?
Me:
not
hing,
uhm who'
sthat
?
Hi
m:oht
hat
'ssi
hleshe'
sdoi
nggr
ade10
Me:
andwhywasshesi
tt
ingont
opofy
ou?
Hi
m:becausewewer
etal
ki
ng
Me:
sowhengi
rl
sar
etal
ki
ngt
oyout
heysi
ton
t
opofy
ou?
Hi
m:comeonEnt
leshe'
sjustaf
ri
end
Me:NoI'
m notsayi
ngshe'
snotort
hat
'
swrong
I
'mj
ustaski
ng,younev
ertol
dmeabouther
Hi
m:babyl
et'
snotdot
hispl
ease?Okay
Me:
yesbaby
Ismiledandst oodupthenwal kedaway ,I
wasn' taperfecti
onistwhenitcamet o
rel
ationshipsbutIknewwhatwasi nappropri
ate
theylookedcouseyandmay bey esthewasn't
anythinghappeni ngorNicjustdidn'tseethat
somet hi
ngwashappeni ngIdon'tknow.
Iwentupst air
sagai n,l
ateronthatdaywewer e
gonnahav easoky( somet hi
nglikeabash)in
thedini
nghal lwerest udentswer egonnamodel
andthey '
l
lbej udgesandwhatnot ,
usual
lythe
model i
ngcr ewhadt obefrom thenewcomer s
butItoldthem straightIwasn'tgonnadot hat
sosinceIwasagr ade12i twasanexcept i
on..
WhenIgottomyr oom Idi
dn'
ttellKholo
any
thi
ngIjustgotinbedandtoldhertowake
meupwhent heeventwasaboutt ostart
,Ihad
ahabi
tofsleepi
ngwhensomet hingwas
bot
her
ingmeIdon' tknowwhybuti tsomehow
mademecal m..
.

anhourlaterKholowokemeup, wewentt o
showerthendressedup,KholoandUnako
dressedupclassybecausetheywerepartof
thejudgi
ngpanel,asformeIjustworeshort
s,a
vestandsleepers
.
.
Wewentt othedininghal
l i
twasalready
decorat
ed,snacksanddrinkswerenicely
deckedonal ongtableev
eryonestartedcomi
ng
i
nlookingnice..
Iwenttositont
heWi ndowsealf
oranicev
iew
andgrabbedapacketofNutsandacooldr
ink.
Musi
cst
art
edplayi
ngthent
hemodeler
sstar
ted
comi
ngi
n,peopl
ewerecheer
ingi
twasfun.
Abut
chgi
rlcameandsatnextt
ome
Her:
canI
?
Me:
Yeahsur
e
Her:
Thando
Shehel
doutherhand,
Ilookedather
Me:
Mbal
i
e
Weshookhands
Her:
Iknow
Me:
I'
m notsur
pri
sed
Wet al
kedf orawhileanditturnedoutshewas
alsofrom EastLondonandusedt ogoto
Cambr idgeHigh,weknewt hesamepeopl eso
thatsortofgottheconvogoi ngwewer en'
t
evenpay ingatt
enti
ontotheev entanymore.
Wewerelaughi
ngandt
ell
i
ngeachothercr
azy
st
ori
esf
rom Cambri
dgeHighwhensomeone
drast
ical
l
ypul
l
edmedownf r
om theWindow
anditwasadi
stancet
othef
loorIal
most
twist
edmyankle
Me:
whatt
hef
uck?
Ni
c:comeher
eMbal
ent
le
Ni
cnevercall
edmeMbalentl
eunlesshewas
r
eal
lymadandnotf or
get
ti
ngthathewasshort
t
emperedthatfr
eakedmeoutalot
Hedr
aggedmet
othehal
lway
Ni
c:ar
eyouf
uckenl
esbi
annow?!
Me:
what
?No
Hi
m:t
henwhatwast
hat
Me:
real
l
yNi
kho?Wewer
ejustt
alki
ng
Ni
c:don'
tpi
ssmeof
fEnt
lenehy
oudon'
twant
t
hat
Me: ohsoi
t'
snotaproblem whenyou'
recousy
wit
hsomechickthenIgenui
nelychatt
o
someoneyoufr
eakout?
Hi
m:It
oldy
oushe'
smyf
ri
end
Me: andshe'
sagi
rlwhocomesf
rom my
nei
ghborhood
Ni
c:i
tlookedmor
ethant
hat
Me:
mxm f
ucky
ouNi
kho
Ipull
edmyar mfrom himthenstar
tedtowalk
away ,heroughl
ypull
edmebackandpi nnedme
againstthewallhi
sey eswerenowr eal
l
yred
whichwassuperscar ybecausehewor eBlue
contactlenses.
.
Hi
m:whatdi
dyousayMbal
ent
le?
[
07/
11,
22:
16]Kunt
a:TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t24

Me:
Nicy
ou'
rehur
ti
ngme
Iwaschoki
ng,hesl
owl
yremov
edhi
shands
andl
ookeddown
Hi
m:I
'
m..
.I'
m sor
ry
Me:
Ithi
nkwear
edoneher
e
Iwal kedupst airsi mmedi atelyt ookof fmy
clothesandgotundermycov ers, Iputon
ear phonesandpl ayedmusi cfrom myt ablet
andst artedt hinkingitwasn' tapr obl em t hatNi
c
wasj eal ousandal i
tt
leinsecur ei twascut eina
waybuti t'
shi stemperIhadapr obl em wi thit
scar edmeandt her e'
snot hingIf ear edlike
get ti
ngbeat enupbymyboy friendal thoughI
didn' tthinki twoul dreall
ygett ot hatpoi nt.
.and
thinki ngabouthowNi candt hatgi r lsit
ting
toget herl aughingmademef eel agi tatedI
guessi twasonl ynor mal tobecor nered
especi allyundert hesituationt hatIhadj ust
givenmyv i
rginit
yt ohim andhi saguyl abeled
asapl ay er,Ididn'twantt of indmy self
regr et t
ingany thingIwasn' tt hatper son. .
I
fsomet hi
nghappenedthenIl
ivewit
hit
becausenothi
ngisgonnachangethat
'soneof
t
hereasonswhyIdi
dn'
treactmuchtothingsI
t
ooktheeasywayoutofeverysi
tuat
ion
"
accept
ing"

Khol
o:Mbal
z
Iopenedmyey
es
Her:Babeit
'sgoi
ngdown,
downst
air
swhyar
e
yousl
eeping
Me:
Ijustdon'
tfeel
okay
Shet
ouchedmyneck
Her:
whyi
sitsoor
ed?
Me:uhm Idon'
tknowmay
beI
'
m comi
ngdown
wi
thal
ler
gies
Khol
o:y
oudon'
thav
eal
l
ergi
esMbal
i
e
Me:
it'
sNi
c
Her:
what
?Di
dhest
rangl
eyou?
Me:
Nonotr
eal
l
yhewasj
usthol
dingmet
ight
ly
wehadaf
ight
Her:
fli
phi
sangeri
ssues,
I'
m sor
ryf
ri
end
Me:
Noi
tsokayIsl
epti
tof
f
Her:
wannat
ell
mewhaty
ouf
oughtabout
?
Me:
onl
yify
ouhav
eBoozewi
thy
ou
Kholo: ofcourse,
theguyssl
ippedal otofi
tin
plustannieShawnwenttosleepear lyshet
old
theheadgi r
ltotakecar
eofev eryt
hingyou
knowshe' salsodownwithcorrupti
on
Il
aughed
Me:
letmegetdr
essed:
D
Igotdressedthenwewentbacktot
hehall,
the
l
ight
swer eoffthenadimli
ghtwasputup
peopleweredancing,
dri
nki
ngsomejust
chi
ll
ing.
Thatni
ghtIact
uall
ysawcouplesIdi
dn'teven
knowpeoplewereseri
ousl
ymakingout,we
wenttochi
llwi
ththeguysNicwasn'
tthereCj
cameandsatnextt
omet
henl
andedmea
papercup.
.
Me:
what
'
sinher
e?
Hi
m:skyv
odka
Me:
Idon'
tl
ikedr
inki
ngr
awshot
s
Hepassedmesodawater,
Ipouredt
henst
art
ed
dri
nki
ngIcoul
dseeCjwantedt
osaysomethi
ng
butIj
ustdi
dn'
tmakei
teasy
Hi
m:Mbal
i
e
Me:
Mmh
Hi
m:hi
sreal
l
ywor
ri
edy
ouknow
Me:
Okay
Him:what
everhappenedbet
weeny
out
woI
'
m
sur
eyoucansorti
tout
Me:
CjIdon'
twannat
alkabouti
tpl
ease
Hi
m: okayf
ine,
whydi
dn'
tyoudot
hemodel
t
hing
Me:
Idon'
treal
l
yli
keey
essonah
Kholocamet
ositwi
thus,
wewat
chedpeopl
e
danceandmakeout
..
Kholo:babedon'
tyout
hinky
ougoi
ngi
nabi
t
fastonthel
iquor
?
Me:
no
Kholo:youdon'
thavet
odri
nkheavybecauseof
thi
sIknowy oumisshi
mjustcal
lhi
m andask
himtocomedown
Me:
I'
m notgonnadot
hatKhol
o
WhenIjustsaidthatNicwalkedi
nandmade
hi
swayt ous,het al
kedtoCj f
orawhi
leImade
sur
ethatIdon'tevenattempttol
ookathi
m,I
wasreal
lypissedatNic
Me:
ChomyI
'
m comi
ngbackneh
Khol
o:okay
Ispot
tedThandodanci
ngandwentt
oher
Me:
hey
It
appedhershoul
der
,shet
urnedandl
ookedat
me
Her:
hey
Me:lookI'
m sorr
yaboutear
li
ermyboy
fri
end
wasbeingrude
Her:it
'schi
ll
edMbaliebutIdon'
twannagetin
thewrongsideofNi
khoIknowhi sbadnews
whenhisangrysoi'
l
l keepmydist
ance,heyI
onlywantedtobefr
iendsbutnohardfeel
ings
Me:Iguesst
hat
'spr
obabl
ybestbutwe'
l
ltal
k
r
ight
Her:
ofcour
se"
shesmi
l
ed"
It
urnedandwentbackt
oKhol
o
Her:
youknowt
hatgi
rl
?
Me:Notreall
yIonl
ymethert
odaybutshe'
s
f
rom ELandshewentt
othesameschool t
hatI
wasatt
endingin
Ni
ccoul
dhearmebecauset
heywer
en'
tthatf
ar
f
rom us
Iwasnowget
ti
ngdr
unk
Khol
o:don'
tyouwannagosl
eep
Me:
Yeahl
et'
sgobef
oreIpassouther
e
Whenwewer
eaboutt
oleav
e..
Ni
c:canIpl
easet
alkt
oyouEnt
le
Me:
Idon'
tknowdepends
Hi
m:onwhat
?
Me:
ifIwantt
oornot
Hi
m:pl
easedon'
tbel
i
ket
his
Khol
o:Chomyi
'
llbeher
ego
Me:
Fine
Wewentt
othehal
lwayt
henIst
oodandl
ooked
athi
m
Hest
aredatmyneck
Ni
c:di
dIdot
his?
Me:
Noi
didi
tmy
sel
fNi
kho
Hi
m:babyI
'
mreal
l
ysor
ry
Her
eachedouthi
shand
Me:
don'
ttouchme
Hi
m:I
'
m sor
ryEnt
le
Me:whatfor
?What'
sgonnahappenNi
cnext
t
imehuh?Yougonnabeatmeup?
Him: f
orhur
ti
ngy ou,
noMbalent
leIwoul
d
neverl
ayahandony ouIknowmytemperis
shi
tbutIwouldn'
t
Me:
wel
lyouhur
tmeany
way
s,why
?
Him:andI
'mreall
ysorr
yjustseei
ngy
ouwi
th
herl
i
kethatdi
sturbedme
Me: younotfai
ryazi
,youwerejustcousywit
h
thatgi
rlear
li
erandIsaidnonaboutitmnanow
Ionlytal
ktosomeoneandy oufreakout,
I'
m not
l
esbianNikho
Hi
m:Iknowent
le,
butt
hatgi
rlt
urnedCj
'
sgi
rl
f
ri
endgayi
nsecondsIguessIal
sogotaf
rai
d
Me: wel
lsheain'
tnevergonnaturnmeIlove
youNicandonlyyou,youofallpeopl
eshoul
d
knowitbet
terIwouldnevercheatonyou
Ni
c:Ishoul
d'
vebabeIknow,
youf
orgi
veme?
Me:
wel
lIcan'
tst
aymadaty
ousoy
eah
Ni
c:canIhugy
ou?
Me:
Iguess
Hepul
l
edmecl
oseandwehugged
Him:Ilov
eyouEnt
leandi'
dalsonev
ercheaton
youIdon'
tev
erwannaloseyou
Me:
Okaygood
Wetal
kedandpl
ayedar
oundabi
tthenwent
backt
otheot
her
s..
Khol
oandIsoonwentt
osl
eep.
.

Wewokeupt
hef
oll
owi
ngdayandpl
annedt
o
got
ochurchbutourpl
andi
sappear
edi
ntoai
r,
wel
aidi
nbedandbondedinst
ead
Khol
o:sowhydi
dyouf
ightwi
thNi
c
Itol
dKholothewholethi
ngaboutseei
ngNi
c
withagir
lontopofhim andhi
mf r
eaki
ngout
becauseofntando
Khol
o:ohshi
tno
Me:
uhm what
sapp?
Kholo: ChomyIdon'tknowifIshoul
dtel
lyou
thi
slikemay beIshoul
d'vebutIdi
dn'
tthi
nkit
mattered
Me:
whatKhol
o!?Justt
ell
me
Her:
didy
ousayt
hischi
cki
sSi
hleandi
sdoi
ng
gr
ade10?
Me:
Yeah
Kholo:okayher
e'sthet
hing,Nichadthis
obsessi
onabouttry
ingtosleepwithhersince
l
astyearitwasoneofthosethingsthatguys
betov erapparentl
ySihleisoneoft hemost
diff
icultHotchick'
ssot heguy sbetov erhert
o
seewhowi llsl
eepwi t
hherfirstjustforpri
de
andst atusthenlastyearNicst art
edbeing
fr
iendswi thherjusttomakeherf all
inlovewit
h
him, t
heywer ereall
yclosebutNi cblewi tby
hookingupwi t
hUnakot henSi hlekepther
dist
ancef rom him soIguessnowt heyt al
k
again
Me:uhm Idon'
tknowhowtofeel
aboutt
his,
so
i
tmeansNicistr
yingt
ogetbackt
othebet
agai
n
Khol
o:Idon'tchomy ,
Idon'tt
hinksoImeanhe
l
ovesyouIdon'tgetwhyhewoul ddot hat
maybetheyarejustbacktobeingfr
iends
Me:maybehey
,letmegoshowerf
ri
endt
hanks
f
ort
ell
i
ngme
Khol
o:Mbal
z?
Me:
mmh
Her:
arey
ougonnabeokay?
Me:
YeahI
'
mfi
ne
Ifakedasmi l
e,tookmyt owel andmycosmet i
c
caset henwentt oshower, whenIgott hereI
j
ustopenedwar m wat erandst oodundert he
showerf orthelongestt i
meIt hinkIwashur tI
j
ustdi dn'tknowi tatt hatt i
mebutIhadan
achingf eeli
ngi nmychestandal umpi nmy
throatItriedsohar dnott ocr yandIdi dn'
t,I
want edt obreakt hingsof fwi t
hNi cbef or
ei tgot
toodeepIwasal readyi nitdeepbutsomehowI
didn'twannahur t,may beIwasn' tasreadyasI
thoughtt odat eaguyl ikeNi cbutIdi dn'tregr et
any t
hingwi thhim hewasst i
ll
t heonlyguyIwas
evergonnal oveasmuchasIdi d..
Iwentt odressupthencall
ednicktomeetme
downst air
sheagreedthenIwentdownand
waited,fewminutesheshowedupwear ing
nothingbutshort
swhichwasr eall
ytempti
ng
butIlookedbeyondthat.
Hi
m:heybaby
Me:heylookletmejustgettothepoint,
Ican't
dot
hisanymor emaybeIthoughtIcouldor
maybewecoul dpul
li
toffandmakei twor kbut
noi
tshardandwi t
heveryt
hingthat
'scomingon
meIdon'
tthinkIcantakeit
Ni
c:what
?Why
?Isi
tbecauseofwhatIdi
dlast
ni
ght
?
HisfacechangedandIsawhi
sey
esf
orm wi
th
pain
Me: i
t'
sev ery
thi
ngIcan'tI
'
m sorry,
justsoyou
knowIr eal
lywantedtobeinitwi
thy oufor
ever
you'
retheguyIlearntl
ovefrom .
Helookedsoconfused,hej
usthadsomany
mixedemot i
ons,
Ireachedt
okisshi
scheek
t
henwal kedaway
Hi
m:Ent
lepl
easedon'tdot
hisI
'
m sor
ryI
pr
omi
sei
'l
ldoanyt
hing.
Ij
ustkeptgoi
ngt
hent
ear
srandownmyf
ace.
.
[
07/
11,
22:
17]Kunt
a:TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t25

Iarr
ivedbackinmyr oom andlucki
lyKhol
o
wasn'tther
e,Ibur
iedmyselfundermyblanket
s
thencri
edIcriedunti
lIf
ellasl
eep..
If
eltKhol
osi
tonmybed
Her:
Mbal
i
ear
eyouasl
eep?
IwasalreadyawakebutIjustdi
dn'
twantt
ot al
k
toanyone,Iwantedtobealoneandthi
nkt
hings
thr
oughsoIi gnoredher
..
Shepul
l
edt
hebl
anket
s
Her:
you'
renotsl
eepi
ngMbal
i
eopeny
ourey
es
Me:
pleasel
eav
emeal
one
Her:
Ineedt
otal
ktoy
ouMbal
ent
le
Me:
thent
alk
Her:
Nosi
tupandl
ookatme!
Iangri
lypull
edbackt
heblanket
s,shepul
l
ed
them offagai
nthent
hrewthem ont
opofher
bed
Me: what
'
syourpr
obl
em Khol
o?Whatdoy
ou
wantfr
om me?
Her:Iunder
standyou'
rehurtMbali
ebutIj
ust
wannatalkt
heni'
ll
leav
ey oualone
Me:
Fine!
Isatupandst
aredather,
shel
ookedr
eal
l
ysad
Her:
lookhowswol
l
eny
ourey
esar
e
Me:
cany
ougett
othepoi
nt
Her:
Ithi
nky
oumadeami
stake
Me:
yout
hinkneh
Her:okayIknowmay beandingenindawukuyo
yonkelent
obutI'
my ourfr
iendandIcareabout
yousodoesNi c,
lookIspoketohim andhetol
d
mey oubrokeupwithhim soIhadtoconfess
thatIt
oldyouaboutSi
hlewhi
chr
eal
lypi
ssed
him of
fandhisnottal
ki
ngtomenow
Me:
Idon'
tthi
nkt
hat
'snonofmybusi
ness
Her:Mbal
entl
eNi ctol
dmet heywerej
ust
t
alki
ngnoSihl
ethatsherandomlywentt
ositon
t
opofhim andmadeupaconv o
Me:andhel
etherdi
dn'
the?Becausehewant
s
t
ohavesexwi
thher
Her:Heain'
taboutthatany
moreMbalzever
si
nceyoudatedheleftthewhol
ethi
ng,hewas
j
ustgenui
nelyt
alki
ngt oher
Me: LookKhol oIdon'tr
eall
ycar
eaboutt hat
anymor eIjustwantoutofthewhol
ethingy esI
l
ov ehim andallbutIdon'
twanttogethurt,my
l
ifeistoocompl i
catedri
ghtnowIdon'tneed
anotherthi
ngt oworryabout
Her:soyoujustgonnagi
veuponev
ery
thi
ng
youandNickbuil
t?
Me:
ifIhav
etoIwi
l
l
Her:
wowMbal
i
e
Me: don' tevent hinkaboutjudgingmeKhol o
youai n'tinaposi ti
ont owenar i
ghtnowt hings
aresugart oy ou,yourparentsarewor kingout
theirmar ri
age, youandy ourboy f
ri
endar er eally
happyandy ouar efi
nanciall
ystabley ougoi ng
tov arsitywi thoutevenwor ryi
ngaboutf inanci al
Aidandshi tandmeont heotherhandnot hing
i
sl ooki ngupt hingsjustkeepgetti
ngwor se, do
youev enknowt hatthebursarythi
ngt hatIhad
hopef ordecl inedbecauseIhadnot hingofmy
parent sorev enaguar diannosignat ureor
prooft hatI '
ml egi
t
Her: youalmostmakei tli
keit'
smyf aultthi
ngs
ain'
twor ki
ngoutf ory out hatIshouldf eelbad
forwhatIhav e,youknowMbal i
eI'm downwi th
younomat terwhatt hatitgott oapoi ntthatI
puty ourhappinessbef oremi ne,thi
ngswor k
outwheny ouhav efaithandpat i
enceandwhy
didn'
ty outell
meaboutt hishuh?Becausewe
could'veaskedmymom orsomet hingj ustt
o
wor
kitout
Me: Noitsnotyourfaul
tKholo,i
t'
stoolate
nowev er
ythi
ngisclosedandI'
mt i
redof
bother
ingpeopl
ewi thmyissuesI
'l
ljustf
igur
ed
outsomethingi
'
llmakeapl an
Khol
o:t
hear
est
il
lopt
ionsy
oucan'
tgi
veup
now
Ismi
l
edf
aint
ly
Me: youknowl ookingbackt omyl ifeIwoul dn'
t
hav eguessedt hatitwouldendupl i
ket his,
from liv
inginLondonwi t
halov ingfami l
yanda
fatherthatmadesur eIhadev eryt
hingIneeded
andIwassmi l
ingal lt
heti
met ohi m passi ng
awayandt henmov ingtoSouthAf ri
cabutt hat
wasn' ttheworstthewor stwaswhenmymom
turnedagainstmef ornoreasonatal l,ImeanI
woul dunderstandi fIwasarat chetchildbuti '
ve
alway sbeenobey ingandgoodt hatdidn'tpay
offshecoul dn'
tlov ememypoi ntisthatit '
s
amazi nghowt hingschangey esI '
m notpooror
anythi
ngbutI
'
m scar
edt
hati
t'
sgonnagett
o
thatpoi
nt
Khol
owasnowi
ntear
shol
dingmyhand
Her: NoMbaliethi
sisnott heendy ousti
llhave
yourwholeli
feaheadofy out hi
sisjustt
he
beginni
ng,y
ou'resmartyou' l
lpasswithgood
gradesandsomeonewi llrecognizeyour
appli
cati
onforascholar
shi porsomet hi
ngt hen
you'l
lmakesomet hi
ngoutofy oursel
fplease
don'tgi
veup
Me:that'
seasytosaybutwhatam Isupposed
t
odomeanwhi l
e?Wheream IgonnagowhenI
f
ini
sht hefi
nal
s?BecauseIcan'twasteany
moremoneyataB&Bandmyi nvestments
won'tmakeadiffer
enceei
therIjustst
art
ed
wit
ht hem
Her:
hav
efai
thMbal
i
e
Me: howcanIKholo?Howdoy ouhavef ai
th
wheny oudon'
tevenhav
ethestrengt
htohope
any
mor eIusedtohavevi
sionnowallIseein
myf
utur
eisdust
Shepull
edmei
nherar
msbecauseIwasal
so
cr
ying
Khol
o:Idon'
tknowwhyy oudon'
tjustaccept
mymom'srequestt
hatshepaysforyourfees
Me: y
ouknowIwon'
ti
'l
lfi
ndawayKhol
odon'
t
st
ressaboutme
Wehuggedf
orawhi
l
ethenIbr
oket
hehug
Her:
pleaset
alkt
oNi
cjusthearhi
m out
Me:
eveni
fIdonot
hingi
sgonnachange
Her:
itdoesn'
tmat
ter,
l
etsgoeat
Me:
I'
m nothungr
y
Her:
youhav
en'
tat
eal
lday
Me:
pleaseKhol
o
Shesi
ghedt
henwor
eherj
acketandwal
ked
out
..
Af
teraf
ewmi
nut
essomeoneknockedbutI
didn'
tanswerandthedooropenedsl
owl
yI
l
iftedmyheadupandsawNi c,hecamei
nand
kneelednextt
othebed
Me:
whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?
Hi
m:Iwannat
alk
Me:
youknowy
ougonnageti
ntr
oubl
eneh
Hi
m:Idon'
tcar
eIj
usthadt
oseey
ou
It
ookadeepbr
eat
h
Nic:Ent
leSihl
eisnot
hingt
omeshenev
erwil
l
be,t
hist
hingwasallagameandi
twasl
ast
year
Me: YeahKholot
oldme,
sohowdoIknowI
wasn'tabetj
ustt
obeonthesaf
esi
de
Him:comeonEnt
lei
fyouwer
eyouwoul
d'
ve
known
Me:
doessheknowshewasabet?
Hel
ookeddown
Hi
m:nobuti
t'
snott
hesamet
hing,
Ilov
eyou
you'rel i
terall
ythefir
stgirlwhomademef eel
l
iket his,thef i
rstgi
rlItookhomet omeetmy
parent s,thefirstgi
rlwhoi'veheldinmyar ms
afterhav ingsexwi thandact ual
lyfel
lasleep
witht hel i
stgoeson, y oumakemewantt obea
betterguyEnt leIcan'tbewithoutyouplease
andIsweart oy ouIwi l
ldowhat ev
erittakes
pleasej ust..j
ustdon'tdot hi
sdon'tbreakmy
heartl i
ket hat
Me: youknowhowIf eelabouty ouand
honestl
ythebreakupi sn'taboutthesihl
ething
I'
mjustgoingthroughal otandI'm af
raidNicI
can'
tdoit,Idon'
twannawor ryaboutyou
hurt
ingmeal so
Hi
m:what
'shappeni
ng?

ItoldNicthewholet hi
ngandofcoursehealso
offeredtohel
pmebutIr ef
used,i
t'
snotthatI
hadpr i
debutIdidn'twantanyonehel
pingme
fi
nancial
lyIhat
edt heideaitj
ustmademef eel
somet ypaway ,itwasaboutmyeducat i
on
may beIshoul d'
v ecompr omisedthat'
sprobably
whaty out hi
nkingbutnoIcoul dn'twhenpeopl e
dost uffli
kethatf oryoutheythi
nkt heyowny ou
thenint heendi twi l
lal
lbepointl
ess,Iwanted
tobef reeanddowhatIwanthowIwantnot
worryingthatIhav etolookuptopeopl e
becauset heypaymyf eesandall
.
Iwasn' taquitterIwasgonnaf i
guresomet hing
outbutIneededt imeawayf rom everyt
hing,
from Ni c!Anditgottoapointwher eIstart
ed
av oidi
nghi m buthedidn'
tgiv
euphekeptt rying
tot alktomeev er
yday,It
oldhim wecanbe
fri
endsbuthesai dhecouldn'tbecausewhathe
feltformewasmor ethanthatandt hathe
wasn' tabletocontroli
t.
.
..
MonthspassedandIwasn'tthesame,
Iwas
st
il
lfr
iendswit
hKholoandUnakobutsomehow
ev
erythi
ngwasdiff
erental
thoughweall
pretendedl ikelifewasgr eat
,NicandIwer eno
mor ehewoul dst ar
eatmeev erysingledayI
meanEv eryday !!Whet herinclassorwhenwe
areeat i
ngatr esbutIt r
iedavoidinghim, Kholo
tr
iedt otalkt ome, Cjallhisf
riendsact uall
y
beggingmebuti tdidn'tworkImadeupmy
mind, Istil
l lovedhi m mor ethanany thingandit
wasl i
kei tgr ewmor ewhenwewer eapar tit
hurtandev er yti
meIt ookagl i
mpseofhi m
whenhewasn' tlookingIwoul dseet hepai nhe
wentt hrough, t
hepai nwewentt hr
oughbutwe
couldn'tbet oget her..
.
West ar
tedfi
nalsapar
tIwasreall
ystudyi
ng
hardwhichmademet hinkaboutNicalit
tl
ebut
l
ess, ever
yonewaswor ki
ngextr
ahardmost
creat
ingmemor i
esbutme?Ididn'twantnonof
thatwit
houtNic.
..

Iwasonlyl
eftwi
thoneweekunt
ilIl
eav
eHi
gh
School
forgood.
.
[
07/
11,
22:
18]Kunt
a:TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t26

It
'saFr idayafternoonandev eryonei schi l
li
ng
outsidebecausewewer eonl yleftwith
Languagessot hewasn' tmuchst udy ingGr ade
12'swer er eal
lymi sbehav i
nghencel ef twitha
fewday ssomeopenl ybroughtboozeanddr ank
, Iwassi tti
ngont opofthest udydeskpl aying
wi t
hmyphonewhenNi cr andoml ywal kedit
andl ockedt hedoorwhi l
eIwasst i
l
l sur pri
sed
wai t
ingf orhimt of i
nishsot hatIcoul dask
whathewasdoi nghet urnedandki ssedme, I
couldn'ttellhi
mt ostopIj ustwental ongwi th
thef l
owImi ssedhowhesmel l
edandhi sl
ips..
Wecont i
nuedkissingf
ort
helongestt
imeunti
l
hetookoffthevestIwasweari
ngexposi
ngmy
boobs,hecamecl osei
nbetweenmylegsthen
star
tedtokissmyneckheknewIcouldn'
tresi
st
t
hat
..
Itookoffhi
sT-shi
rtandranmyf ingeronhis
headashewaski ssi
ngme, withnot i
mewe
werebothnaked,t
hiswasn'toneoft hoseslow
softi
nti
matesitwaslikewewer ebotht oo
thi
rst
yandangryateachother.
Hegr abbedmef rom thedeskandheldmei n
againsthiswaistthenplacedmeonhi sthingy,
heheldmet ightl
yandst artedtomovemywai st
wit
hhi shandsIwental ongwi t
hit,
wehad
neverdoneitli
kewedi dthatdaynott
hatwe
di
di talotofti
meswhenwewer et
ogetherbut
i
twassomet hi
ngel se..
Itdi
dn'
tev enoccurtoust hatwewer einreswe
j
ustwental lfr
eaky,hetur
nedandputmeont he
bedafterafewmi nutesthengotont opofme
noonewassay inganythi
ngitwasjustmoans
andheav ybreathi
ngs,hemov edont opofme
andIthinkforthefir
stti
meIr eal
lyenjoyeditI
washol di
nghisbacksot ightandrunningmy
nail
sal
loverhi
m, mytoescurl
edandIcoul
dn'
t
stopbi
ti
ngmylipsheautomati
cal
lymademy
backbendever
ytimehemov ed..
If
eltt
hathewasaboutt
ocome
Me:
don'
tyoudar
ecomei
nsi
deme
Ni
c:I
'
m notst
upi
d
Thenher oughlykissedmeagainandheldmy
handsont opofmyheadt i
ghthewentinafew
ti
mest hengr abbedatowelandcameoni t,
he
gotoffmet henhel dmeinhisar
mswi thout
sayi
ngany thingIwrappedmylegsaroundhis
thenwef el
l asl
eep.
Myhear twasateasej ustlay i
ngonNi kho'
s
armsinsilencewasev erything,allIcouldhear
washishear tbeatf oraf ewmi nutesnot hing
el
semat tered,itdidn'
tmat terthatIwast edso
muchtimeawayf rom him becauseIact uall
y
gottoreali
sehowmuchImi ssedhim al lt
he
l
aughsandr i
diculoust alks,himt easingme
aboutmyhabi ts,thef actt hathewasav ery
cousyper sonhejustcoul
dn'tkeephishands
offmei twasannoy i
nginacut eway,imissed
howhesmel ledandhugginghimt henhavi
ng
thatscentalloverme,Ij
ustgenerall
ymissed
beinglovedandhappy .
.
Hi
m:Ent
le
Me:
Nic
Hi
m:I
'
m sor
ry
Me:
whatf
or?
Hi
m:f
orev
ery
thi
ngy
ou'
regoi
ngt
hrough
Me:
it'
sokay
Him: Il
ovey
ouandImeanti
twhenIsai
dIwi
l
l
nevergi
veuponus
Me:
wear
eonl
ylef
twi
thaweekNi
kho
Hi
m:t
henl
et'
smaket
hemostofi
tpl
ease
Me:
I'
m al
sosor
ry
Hi
m:why
?
Me: t
hatI'm messedupandsacredofbeing
happy,
alltheti
meIwastedandt or
turedyou,
pushi
ngy ouawayjustev
eryt
hingthatIcoul
d'
ve
donedif
ferentl
y
Hi
m: i
tdoesn'
tmatt
erIt
hinkmaybeitwas
wor
thi
t,you'
rewor
thal
lthetr
oubl
einthewor
ld
Me:Iwasn'tf
airy
our
eal
l
ydon'
tdeser
vewhatI
puty
outhrough
Hehel
dmychi
nup
Him: heylooki t
'sokayitdoesn'
tmatternowI
understandy ouhaveprideandeverythingIjust
wishIcould'vehadt hecouragetodot his
earl
ierbutyoukeptshut ti
ngmeout ,Ili
terall
y
hadt otakeashotbef orecomingupher ethe
respectIhavef oryouEntlei
sbiggerthan
anythingIfearyourjudgmentinaway
Ismi
l
ed
Me:Idon'
tknowwhatIdi
dtodeser
ve
someonel
ikeyou
Him: y
oujusthadtobeyou,Idon'
twantyouto
changewhoy ouar
eIjustwannabepartofi
t
It
ookadeepbr
eat
h
Me:
sot
hismeanswear
ebackt
oget
her
Him: Iwoul
dlov
ethatev
enifwegonnabe
toget
herfort
wodaysbutitmakesadi
ff
erence
Entl
e
Ihel
dmyar
msar
oundhi
sneck
Me:
didy
ougetmor
ehandsome?
Hi
m:I
'
m gl
ady
ounot
iced:
)
Il
aughed
Me: ev
ery
daywasr
eal
lyhardyouknow,
just
seei
ngyoumademyhearthur
t
Ni
c:nowi
magi
nehowhar
ditmusthav
ebeen
f
orme
Me:
I'
m sor
rybaby
Hi
m: it
'sokayIunder
standbesi
desy
out
heonl
y
gi
rlI
'
m pati
entwith
Me:
Ineedt
obepat
ientwi
thmy
sel
fal
so
Someoneknocked
Me:
whati
fthat
'st
anny
?
Him:Idon'
tcar
eweal
readysi
gnedsowedon'
t
bel
onghereany
mor
e
Il
ookedathi
m andsmil
edthenwor
ehisT-
shi
rt
andmyunderwearandopenedt
hedoor
Khol
o:uhm :
)
Il
aughed
Me:
youcancomei
n
Her:nojustl
endmemychar
geri
'
llbei
n
Unako'
sroom
It
ookherchar
gerandgav
eitt
oher
Khol
o:I
'
m sooohappy"
shewhi
sper
ed"
Me:
Iknow:
)
Her:andopent
hedamnwi
ndowsi
tsmel
l
sli
ke
sexi
nhere
Ipushedherandcl
osedthedoor,
Nicwas
l
aughingatwhatKhol
ojustsai
d..
Iwenttol
ayont
opofhi
mthenwepl
ayed
music
Him: t
hatwasgr
eaty
ouknow,
off
ici
all
ythe
bestsexi
'v
ehad
Icov
eredmyf
ace
Me:
Yeahmet
oo
Him:babeI
'
mtheonl
yguyy
ou'
vebeenwi
thal
l
yourl
i
fe
Il
aughed
Me:
Yeahst
il
l
Ni
c:soy
ouenj
oyedt
hat?
Hegav
emeanaught
ylook
Me:
stopi
t"Igi
ggl
ed"
Nic:Imissedthat,
ImissedyouEntl
eevery
day
andnight,y
ourstupi
djokesandhowy ou
al
way spret
endtobealltoughwhi
lst
under
neat
hthaty
ou'
ret
hesweet
estper
sonI
know
Me:
Imi
ssedy
out
ooal
otbaby
Wel ai
dinbedwi thourbacksandupdat edeach
otheroneverythi
ngitf
eltli
kewenev erbrokeup
eachandev er
yv oidwasnowcl osedwithhis
presence,
wel aughedandpl ayedaroundIdidn'
t
wanttimetomov eIwantedt oholdhimi nmy
armsandnev erletgoofhim agai n.
.
Wedeci dedt hatthefoll
owingy earwewi l
lmake
upapl ant oseeeachot herev erymont handI
agreedtospendt hefesti
veseasonathi shouse,
i
twast imeIl ivedmyl i
fedespi teofwhat
obstaclecameal ongIalmostl ostt hebi
ggest
partofmyhappi nessthroughpr i
deandf earbut
Iactuall
ydeser vedallt
hehappi nessinthe
worldandwi thNi c,Iwascertainofhowmuch
helovedmebywhatIputhi mt hr oughbutfor
himt oforgiv
emeandst i
llwantt ost i
ckwithme
thr
oughev er
y t
hing..
Ni
c:Ihav
etogomay
bei
'
llcomesl
eepher
e
Me: y
ouguy
sar
ereal
l
ybr
eaki
ngal
lther
ules
neh
Him:there'
snot
hinglef
tforusher
enowi
tai
n'
t
l
ikewe'l
lgetnor
eturn
Me:
wel
li
'dl
ovet
hat:
)
Hi
m:Ourl
ovei
sforev
er
Me:
ital
way
shasbeen
Hi
m:i
tal
way
swi
l
lbe
Hekissedmethengotupanddr
essedtohi
s
shor
tswhenIwasabouttogi
vehim hi
sT-
shir
t.
.
Hi
m: nokeepiti
'
llwalkl
i
kethi
stomyr oom,
j
ustaspr
oofthatIgotwhat
'smineback
Me:
howcheesy:
)
Hi
m:hahai
'
llseey
oul
aterbaby
Hegavemethedeepestgl
i
mpseunti
lIgot
gusbumpst
hensmil
edandwalkedout
..
Igotwhat
'sMi
ne<3
[
07/
11,
22:
19]Kunt
a:TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t27

NicandIwer ehappyagainwhi
chdi sappoi
nted
alotofpeoplebutbeingoneofthosehated
coupl
esbecausey oulooktoogoodt oget
her
andareinseparabl
ethatist
obeexpect ed,we
madeeachandev er
ydaycountIcanhonest l
y
saywemadeal otofcrazyi
ncr
edible
memor i
es: p..
Wewoul ddoev eryt
hingtoget
herandast he
daysf adedawayt hemor ewegotr eall
yhappy
togetherforonceIstoppedov erthinkingthings
andwentwi t
hthef l
ow, It
oldmy selfthatwhat
willhappenwillhappenbutIshoul dn'tal
low
my selftohaveregretsaboutwhatIcoul d've
donebet
terbutdi
dn'
t.
Atsomepoi ntIwasworri
edthatmymot her
didn'
tknowIwasgonnagot oPretor
iabutpart
ofmet houghtshewoul dtal
ktomewhen
schoolscloseormay beexpectmet ocome
homebutt hechancesofthathappeningwere
reall
ysli
m..
Theweekendedreal
lyfastandsoonexams
wereover,wewer
esigningourshi
rt
s,peopl
e
werecr
y i
ngandwhatnot .
Kholowasr eall
yhurtbutthefactthatIwas
gonnabear oundduringDecembermadet hings
bett
er,afterlongandsadgoodby esthegrade
12'
sdeci dedt oholdat urnupintownlateron
j
usttohangoutt ogetherforthelastti
me, Isti
ll
rememberhowsadt hatdaywasImi ghthav e
beentheref oronlyoney earbutthememor i
esI
hadoft hatplacewe'reamazi ng,
Imetpeopl e
whochangedmyl if
ef r
om dramat othe
completeopposi teandi ntheenditallcame
t
oget
her
.
IwasgladIwasl eavi
nghighschool butthere'
s
alwaysthatbrokenparti
nsideofy ou, where
youstarttothi
nkaboutthebeggi ngof
every
thi
ngal lt
hegoodt i
mes, heartaches,
stupi
ddecisionsbutmostlyeveryt hi
ngt hat
madey oulaughuntily
ouwer eint ears..
Boardingschool wasoneoft hebestpl acesi '
ve
beenaf t
erLondon, Ihateditint hebeggingbut
astimewentbyIf elli
nlov ewit hi
t,allt
he
peopleanddi ff
er entstoriesitwasj usthil
arious
Iwasr eal
lyhappyt hatmymot herthrewaway
ther
eIcoul dn'
thav easkedf orabet terplace
andnowi twast heendofi t,
Ihadt ost art
somewher eelseandmeetnewpeopl eIdidn't
knowi fIwasr eadyf orthatlifeIwasscar edbut
thewasnoot herwayoutofi tallIj
usthadt o
faceli
feandev erythi
ngi twaswai t
ingtot hr
ow
atme.
.
..
Afterpacki
ngeveryt
hingNikho'
smom camet o
fetchusitwasalr
eadylatesowhenwear r
ived
i
nhi splacewechangedandbat hedt
hen
preparedfort
heturnup..
Webothwor
eall
blackt
henhet
ookhi
skey
s
andwewal
kedout
Hi
smom :
arey
out
wogoi
ngout
?
Ni
c:y
esmom
Her:okayt
akethekey
sbecauseIwon'
thear
youwhenyoucomeback,Mbali
edidyoueat
?
Me:
I'
m nothungr
yma:
)
Her:
okayt
akecar
eofy
our
sel
f
Ni
c:mom weonl
ygoi
ngout
Het
ookthehousekeyst
henki
ssedhi
smom on
t
hecheekandwelef
t
Whenwear r
ivedattheparkalmostev
eryone
wasalr
eadythere,weboughtmeatboozeand
al
lki
ndofgoodiesthenplayedmusic,Idi
dn'
t
wanttodr
inkthatni
ghtIjustwant
edt
oenj
oy
t
henightwit
hmymat essanely
.
SoonKhol
oar
ri
vedthenmynightwascompl
ete,
i
twasreal
l
yni
cejusthav
ingever
yonear
ound.
Me, KholoandUnakowentt ochi l
lwit
hthe
othergir
lswest ar
tedtonoti
cet hati
twasn't
j
ustusnowi ntheparkpeoplerandomlycame
andjoinedusitwasn'taproblem unti
lIspot
ted
theguyt hatt
ri
edtoharassmei nt heaft
er
party
Me:
Khol
o?
Her
:Chomy
Me:
isn'
tthatt
heguyf
rom t
heot
herni
ght
Ipoi
ntedt
ohi
sdi
rect
ion
Her:
from y
ourphy
sicscl
ass?Ar
eyousur
e?
Me:
it'
shi
m andIcan'
tst
ayher
e
Her:
nochomywearest
il
lhav
ingf
unIdoubt
hi
sgonnacomet
oyou
Me:
I'
m notgonnabecomf
ort
abl
eKhol
o
Her:Mbalzt
hisi
sourl
astni
ghttoget
heras
Grade12'
syoucan'
tl
etsomekidrui
nit
Me:hi
snotj
ustaki
dbutokayi
'
llt
ryt
oignor
e
hi
m
Itr
iedsohar dnottothinkabouthi
spresence
butIcouldn'tIj
ustkeptquesti
oni
ngmy sel
fifhe
wasr eal
l
yt heonebehindtheaccident
Unako:
Mbal
i
e
Me:
mmh"
Ist
art
led"
Her:
arey
ouokay
?
Me:
YeahI
'
mfi
ne
Her:
youknowwecanaskt
heguy
stomake
hi
mleav
eneh
Me: Nothat'
sgonnacausemoret
roubl
es,
ther
e'sareasonwhyhi
shereAndhonest
lyI
don'
tfeelgoodabouti
t
Khol
o:t
akeashoty
ou'
l
lbef
iney
ou'
rej
ustov
er
t
hinki
ngt
hings
Me:
justoneshot
Itookashotandact uall
ystar
tedtorel
axabit
,
wecont i
nuedhavingfunandr emindi
ngeach
otherofcrazyst
oriesthatwentdownduri
ngthe
year.
.
Idon'tknowwhatmademet ur
nandlook
behindmebutwhenIturnedIf
eltashar
ppai
n
i
nmychestcage, Iwassit
ti
ngonacampchair
whichf l
i
ppedt
henIfel
ldown
Ist
artedheari
ngscr
eamsandwhenIt ouched
mychestbloodwasf l
owingout,Il
ookedup
andthesameguyf r
om thepartywasstanding
ontopofmewi t
haknifeandthemost
hor
rif
y i
ngeyes.
.
Khol
ojumpedatme
Her:Mbal
zdon'
tcl
osey
ourey
espl
easest
ay
awake
ThenIhear
dNi
c'
svoi
ce,
itst
art
edt
ogetal
l
noi
sywithpeopl
escreaming,somecry
ingand
soundsIthi
nkIgott
oofrustr
atedandpassed
out.
..

Iopenedmyey esagai
nIassumedIwasi
na
carl
ayingontopofNic'
slapwi
thhi
shands
pushi
ngpressurei
nmychest
Me:
what
..
Hi
m: don'
tsayanythi
ngbabywear
eal
most
t
herepl
easejusthandonokay
?
Iwast hir
styandthewounddi dn'
thur tIcoul
dn'
t
feelanythi
ngmyadr enal
inewasracinginmy
vains,soonthecarpul l
edatthehospitalandI
wast ryi
ngsoohar dt osayawakeNickept
tal
kingtomeev ent houghtIcoul
dn'tmakeout
whathewassay i
ng.
Heheldmet henrant
owardsthedoorthel
ast
t
hingIrememberarethepar
amedicslocki
ng
meont hebed..
[
07/
11,
22:
20]Kunt
a:TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t28

Isl
owlyopenedmyey esNi
cwassleepi
ngnext
tomeont hehospi
tal
bedwithhi
shandaround
myhipsItri
edtomovehewokeup..
Hi
m:ar
eyouokaybaby
?
Me:
YeahI
'
mfi
ne
Hegotoutoft
hebedandpour
edmewat
ert
hen
hel
dthegl
assformeasIdr
ank..
Me:
Thanky
ou
Him:I'
m sorry
,Iwassowor r
iedabouty
outhi
s
i
sallmyfaulti
fIjustchi
l
ledwit
hyouthennon
oft
hiswould'v
ehappened
Me:it'
snotyourf
aultbabyI
'mtheonewho
want
edt ospendt
imewi tht
hegirl
sandei
ther
waythi
scould'
vehappenedanotherwaymaybe,
howl
onghav
eIbeenher
e?
Hi
m:about8hour
snow
Me:Iwannagetoutoft
hispl
acehospi
tal
s
f
reakmeout
Hi
m:i
'
llgett
hedoct
or
Hewentoutt
hencamebackwi
thadoct
or
Doct
or:
MissCol
l
inshowdoy
ouf
eel
?
Me:
I'
m okayt
hisbur
nsal
i
ttl
ethough
Doctor:
youwer ever
yluckyy
ourbrot
her
pushedpressureont
hewoundy oucoul
d'
ve
l
ostalotofbloodwhichwoul
d'v
eleadtoa
bi
ggersit
uation
Il
ookedatNi
candhesmi
l
ed
Me:thenmybrothersav
edmyli
fe:),how
l
ongam Igonnabehereandhowbadisthe
wound?
Him:youl
ookfi
nesoIcandischar
geyoubut
youhavet
orel
axbecauset
hestit
chesar
esti
l
l
f
reshyouwouldn'
twanttoripthem up,
all
Ican
t
ellyouist
hatwhenthathealsyougonnahave
aprett
ybigscar
Me:
Okayt
hanky
ouDoc
Him:i'
l
lsubscr
ibepai
nremedi
esf
ory
out
hen
youcango
Het
urnedandl
ookedatNi
c
Hi
m:t
akecar
eofy
oursi
ster
I
twasr eal
l
yfunnythathethoughtNi
cwasmy
Br
otherbutwhatthehell
itsoundedcool
Ni
c:Iwi
l
ldoc
Hewal
kedout
Me:
sohowar
eyoumybr
other
?
Hegi
ggl
ed
Him:Iwi
shIknew,
Idon'tev
entel
lhim what
youwer
etomehejustconcl
udedforhi
mself
Me:
may
bewel
ookal
i
ke
Him: Ha.
awebot
hknowI
'
m wayt
oo
handsome
Me: Sowhatyousay
ingi
sthaty
ou'
remor
e
beauti
ful
thanIam
Hi
m:mor
ehandsomey
es
Il
aughed
Me:ohmyGodletmel
ety
ouhav
eagoodt
ime
l
yi
ngtoy
oursel
fneh
Ni
c:ouch:
)
Me:
comeher
e
Hi
m:Ha.
aaf
tert
his?Wear
eov
er
Hel
ookedaway
Me:
Iwasgonnagi
vey
ouaki
ss
Hesmi
l
edandl
ookedatmet
hencamecl
oser
Me:
Ha.
aIdon'
twantt
oany
mor
e
Hi
m: pl
easei
magi
nebabyIhav
en'
tkissedyou
f
orhour
snowIwastooscar
edtoevenletgoof
y
ou
Me:
yousocut
ecomeher
e
Hecamecl oseandwekissedunt
ilsomeoneat
thedoorcl
earedhi
sthr
oatitwasthedoctorhe
camein
Him: buyt
hesethey'
l
l hel
p,r
emembert
orest
enoughitwi
llheal
quicker
Me:
Thanky
ouDoc,
am If
reet
ogo
Hi
m:y
es:
)
Thenhel
eft
Ni
cwasi
stear
swi
thl
aught
er
Me:
what
'
syourpr
obl
em ?
Him: noBabedi dy ouseehisface?Itmust
havebeensodi sturbingforhi
mt oseey ourbig
brot
hersticki
nghist ongueinyourthroatthat
'
s
j
ustwr ong,I'
m surehisgonnatellhi
s
coll
eaguesaboutt hisone
Il
aughed
Me:you'
resuchani
diot
,butbabyobv
iousl
y
nowheknowswearenotrelat
ed
Hi
m: howdoy ouknow?May behejustthinks
weareoneofthosetwi
stedfamil
i
esorwehav e
t
heChinacul
turewedon'tl
ookfarotherthan
i
nsi
dethefamil
y
Me:Lordyouar
esocrazy"Iwasl
aughi
ng"
t
her
e'snosuchthi
ngNicheknowswefucki
ng
Hi
m:Sowef
uckl
i
ttl
esi
ster
?
Me:
stopi
tandhel
pmeup
It
hrewhi
m wi
thapi
l
low
HehelpedmestandupthenIchangedi
ntomy
clot
hesLuckl
yenoughi
twasn'tt
hatobv
ious
theyhadbl
oodsincet
heywereblack
Ni
c:Icoul
d'
vebr
oughty
oufreshcl
othesbutI
di
dn'
twannal
eav
eyouhere
Me:
it'
sfi
nebaby
Ihadahugewhi
tepl
ast
eronmychest
,when
wewer
eaboutt
oleav
eKhol
owal
kedi
n
Shecamest
rai
ghtf
orahug
Her: I
'
m sorr
ychomyi fIjustlety
ouf oll
owy our
gutthi
swouldn'
thav ehappened, Icausedyou
yourli
feandIunderstandifyoudon'tever
wannaf or
giv
eme" shest art
edcry i
ng"
Ni
c:i
'
llwai
tout
sidebaby
Inoddedt
henhewal
kedout
Me: Khol
olistentomei t'
snotyourfaul
tchomy
i
ft hi
shadt ohappent henitwasstil
lgonna
happenonewayort heotheral
lyouwant edwas
thatIhavefunf orthelastt
imewi t
hallofyou
guy sandIdid, l
et'
stakethi
sasoneoft he
memor i
esalthoughthisonehurtsli
kehell
Shesmi
l
ed
Her:butIst
il
lfeel
real
lybady oudon'
tknow
howmuchIcr i
edlastnightt
hinki
ngif
somethi
ngbadhappenst oyouIwouldn't
for
giv
emy sel
f
Me: don'
tworr
yIain'
tgoi
ngany
wher
eyetnot
unt
ilIgatev
ery
thi
ngIwant:)
Iwi
pedhert
ear
sof
f
Her:
Ilov
eyou
Shehuggedmeagai
n
Me:
ouchnotsot
ight
Her:
sor
ry:
)
Me:Il
oveyoumor
eBest
ie,
sowhathappened
t
otheguy?
Her:It hi
nkhisnamei sLungaorsomet hi
ngli
ke
that
,theguy sgavehi m aseriousbeat i
nghe
wasbl eedingbadlythentheycal ledt
hecops,I
heardtodayheconf essedtot heaccident
apparentl
yhi snotreall
ywellint heheadsothat
addedwi thobsessingov eryouj ustmadeit
worse
Me: i
tmakessensethough,Idon'
tfeelbadbut
knowi
nghehasapr oblem phycol
ogi
call
y
makesadiff
erenceIhopeNicwasn'tpartoft
he
beat
ing
Kholo:whatdoy outhi
nk?Theguywho
stabbedhisgi
rl
fr
iendwasst andingri
ghti
nfront
ofhim hewasthefir
stone,afterseei
ngthat
you'r
ebleedi
nghewentcr azy
It
ookadeepbr
eat
h
Me:wel
lletmegetgoingbabeIneedt
orest
,
di
dyoucomewithLuyolo?
Her:yeahbuthecouldn'
tcomei
nhehasa
phobi
af orhospi
tal
s
Me:
makest
het
woofus
Wewal kedoutsi
detofindallt
heGr ade12'si
n
thepackingl
otitwasjustpr
iceless,Cjcameto
meandhandedmef lowerswithacar dthen
gaveNicaplasti
cfil
l
edwi t
hGoodi es
Cj:i
t'
sfrom al
lofus: )
,sorr
yforwhat
happenedyest
erdayIguarant
eeyouhepay
ed
Ev
ery
onel
aughed
Me:Ahhy
ouguy
sthanky
out
hisr
eal
l
ymeansa
l
ot
Someoneatt
hebacksai
d"Not
ear
spl
ease"
Il
aughed,thenItri
edhuggingafewpeopl
eunt
il
Nict
oldthem IneededtorestsoIsai
dmy
Goodbyesthenwedr ovetothephar
macyto
buythemedi cat
ionandwenthome,ontheway
..
Me:
yourmom doesn'
tknowaboutt
hisneh
Him:noother
wiseshewouldli
ter
all
yki
l
lme
youknowhowshefeelsaboutyou:)
Me:
Yeah:
),I
'
m hungr
y
Ni
c:i
'
llmakey
ousomet
hingwhenwear
ri
ve
Wearri
vedthentr
iedt
oreacht
hebedroom
wit
houthi
smom seeingme,Iwenttotakea
bat
hthenwor ewarml
yandgotundercover
s.
Ni
c'
smom wal
kedi
n
Her:
Mbal
i
ear
eyousl
eepi
ng
Iuncov
eredmy
sel
f
Me:
Noma
Her:okayNicismaki
ngy
oubr
eakf
asthesai
d
youdon'tf
eelokay
Me:
yesIhav
ea.
.aheadache
Her:
i'
ll
gety
oumedi
cat
ion
Me:
don'
twor
ryIhav
epi
l
lsma
Her:
okaybaby
,Iwantustotal
kabouty
our
mom Ni
ctol
dmeev er
ythi
ng
Ni
cwalkedi
ntotheroom t
henhi
smot
her
smi
ledandwalkedout
Ni
c:Br
eakf
asti
sser
ved
Me:youtol
dheraboutmymot
herwhatt
he
f
uckNikho?
Hi
m:uhm l
ookIwantt
ohel
pyou
Me: Idon'
twanthel
pNicyouknowt hat
,whati
s
yourmom goingtot
hinkaboutmenow?t hat
may beI
'm wi
thyout
osuckal l
yourmoney?
Ni
kho:
itai
n'
tl
iket
hatbabysheknows,
she
alsoknowshowmuchpr ideyouhav erel
axI
promiseyouthisi
snotabadt hi
ngallowi
ng
peopletocareandwanttohelpisnotabad
thingEnt
leandit'
snotmakingyouacharity
case
Ikeptqui
etf
orawhi
l
e
Hi
m: Vouseêt
esf
ami
l
lemai
ntenant(
youar
e
f
amil
ynow)
Ismi
l
ed
Me: I
'
m al
soagoodt
eachery
ourFr
enchi
s
get
ti
ngbett
er
Hesmi
l
edandhuggedme
Webot
hsai
ditatt
hesamet
ime"
Ilov
eyou"
[
07/
11,
22:
21]Kunt
a:TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t29

Ti
mef
lewandSoonwewer
egonnacel
ebr
ate
Newy ear,Nicksfami l
yreal
lymademef eel
likeI
waspar tofthem ev er
ymomentwi t
ht hem
heal
edmeemot ionall
yitmademelookatmy
si
tuati
ondi ff
erentl
y,wemadeadeal wit
hNi c's
mom thatifthingsdon'tgowellwhenIgot o
Pret
oriai'
llal
lowhert ohelpmeasy oucan
i
maginehowhar dthatmusthavebeenf orme
butIhadt oputmypr i
deaside.
Theonlyfr
ustr
ati
onleftwastheresultsNickept
tel
l
ingmet hewasnothingIneededtowor ry
aboutbutt
hatdidn'
thelpIwasstil
lreall
y
str
essed.
.
Ihadascaront hel eftsi
deofmychestcagei t
wasn' tasbadasIi magi nedbutitwasatatt
oo
forli
fe,Nicksparent sandhisli
tt
lebrot
herwere
gonnaspendt hef est i
veseasoninEastLondon
soNi candIhadt hehouset ooursel
veswe
want edtodonot hingbutst ayt
ogetheri
ndoors
alldaylongdoingnot hi
ngelsebutmakingout.
.
.
31stEveni
ngwearechil
l
ingoutsi
deli
steningt
o
peopl
ecelebr
ati
ng,
theweatherwasgreat.
.
Ni
c:don'
tyouwannagoout
?
Me:
No,
you?
Hi
m:t
her
e'snoot
herpl
acei
'
drat
herbe
Me:met
oo:
),I
'
m sur
eKhol
oissomewher
e
dr
unk
Hi
m:shenev
erdi
sappoi
nts
Me:andshewantedmetojoi
nthem butI
'
m
notr
eal
l
ythecel
ebrat
ingnewyear
sperson
Ni
c:t
hent
hisi
sgonnabey
ourf
ir
stt
ime
Me:
Ithoughtwewer
ejustgonnachi
l
l
Hi
m:y
eahbutwe'
l
lcel
ebr
atet
oget
her
Ismi
l
ed
Me:
OkayIguess
Iwassi
tt
ingi
nbetweenhi
slegsandhisarms
werewr
appedar
oundme,wewer ejustt
alki
ng
andfooli
ngar oundasusual l
ysoonpeople
star
tedscreami ngandsingingHappyNewy ear
thenfi
reCracker sal
lovertheskyi
twassoo
Beauti
fulandbei ngabl
etowat chal
lthatwit
h
Nicmadei textraspeci
al.
.
It
urnedmyheadandl
ookedathi
m
Me:
Happynewy
earbaby
Hi
m:HappyNewy
earLi
fepar
tner:
)
Weki
ssed
Thenhest
oodup
Hi
m:comel
et'
sgoi
nsi
de
Istoodupthenwewentinsi
deintheki
tchen,
heopenedabottl
eofchampaignthenpoured
forthebot
hofusandheldhisgl
assup
Hi
m:Tost
art
ingt
hey
eart
oget
her
Me:
cheer
s:
)
Wedr ank,
heli
ft
edmeandputmeont opoft
he
ki
tchencount
erthenhecamebet
weenmylegs
andki
ssedme
Him:thi
sisreal
lyspeci
alt
omespendi
ngt
ime
l
iket
hiswit
hy ouandalone
Me:
Iknowandi
t'
sal
sospeci
alt
ome
Iwasweari
ngabl
ackcropt
opandwhi
teshor
ts,
hetookt
hecropt
opoff
Me:
real
l
yher
e?
Hi
m: there'
snootherbet
terpl
acet
hatIcan
t
hinkof"hegavemeanaught ysmi
le"
Hecont i
nuedundressi
ngmeuntilIwasful
l
y
nakeditfel
tabitt
ensebecausehedidn'
twant
met okisshi
m norholdhi
m whil
sthewas
undressi
ngme..a
Hi
m: haveIev
ert
oldy
out
haty
ouhav
ereal
l
y
ni
ceboobs
Igi
ggl
edandcov
eredmybr
east
s
Me:
stopi
t
Her
emov
edmyhandsandki
ssedt
hem t
hen
smi
l
ed
Him:I
'm gonnashowy ousomet
hingneh?You
havet
orelaxbutonl
yifyou'
ll
comfort
abl
ewith
i
t
Me:
uhm whati
sit
?
Hi
m:It
oldy
ouwe'
l
lcel
ebr
ate
Hel
aidmewit
hmybackont
hecount
ert
hen
wal
kedt
othel
ounge
Me:
andI
'
m supposedt
ojustl
ayher
e?
Hi
m:y
esdon'
tmov
e!
Hecamebackwit
habottl
eofscotcht
hent
ook
l
emonsandicecr
eam f
rom t
hefr
idge
Me:
whatar
eyoudoi
ng?
Heki
ssedmyl
i
ps
Hi
m:t
hisi
sgonnabeal
i
ttl
ecol
dbutgood
Hesli
cedthelemonsthenpl
acedthepiecesal
l
overmytummy ,hepour
edsaltt
henthescotch
onmybellybutt
on
Me:
thi
sisr
eal
l
ycol
d"Igi
ggl
ed"
Hefi
rstgav
emeashotthensuckedt
hescot
ch
f
rom mytummyandat
et hel
emons
Me:
Nic?
Hi
m:mmh?
Me:
youknowmyt
ummyi
sreal
l
ysensi
ti
ve
Hi
m:y
oual
readyhor
ny?
Il
aughed
Me:
NoI
'
mjustsay
ing!
Him: t
hisr
eall
yfeelsgoodit
'sl
i
keI
'
m dr
inki
ng
vani
l
lamay bei
t'
sy ourski
n
Il
aughed
Me:
canIgetuppl
ease?
Hi
m:noI
'
m notdoney
et:
)
Itookadeepbr
eat
h,hescoopedi
cecr
eam and
ranital
lov
ermyboobs
Me:
col
dcol
d!
Hegi
ggl
ed
Hi
m:Sor
rybabe
Hesuckedonmyt i
tsunt
ilIcoul
dn'
ttakei
t
anymore,
Igotupandpull
edhim cl
osewe
ki
ssed.
.
Ipull
edof fhisT-shir
thegr abbedmet hen
walkedt ot hecouch, Idon'trememberhowI
tookt herestofhi sthingsof fbutwi t
hnot i
meI
wassi tti
ngont opofhi m maki nglove,wewent
onitf orthel ongestti
mef r
om t heloungetothe
kit
chent abl edownt ot hefloortheplacewasa
messaf t
erwhatseemedl i
ke30mi nutesor
mor ewewer ebothsot i
redthatwej ustlai
don
thefloorwi thoutsayingany thi
ng..
Ni
c:di
dIt
eachy
out
obet
hisbad?
Hewasoutofbr
eat
h
Me: Ir
eal
l
ycan'
ttal
kri
ghtnowIneedacol
d
shower
Hecamecl
oset
omeIal
sof
acedhi
m
Me:
Okayi
twasgr
eat
Hi
m:j
ustgr
eat
?
Me:
real
l
ygood:
)
Hi
m:t
hebest
Me:
it'
sal
way
sthebest
Hi
m:t
hiswast
hebestt
imest
wo
Me:
andwedi
dn'
tuseacondom,
Nic!
Him:fl
i
pIfor
got,
thisi
sthesamer
easonIt
old
yout
oprev
entEntl
e
Me:
real
l
y?That
'swhaty
ougonnasaynow
Hi
m: rel
axwe'
l
lgobuyaf
terpi
l
lsi
nthe
morni
ng
Me:
thenIgetsi
ck
Ni
c:Ha.
aEnt
le
Me:
Fine,
heyIgoty
ousomet
hingf
ory
ou:
D
Hi
m:what?
Ist
oodupandwr
appedaf
li
esar
oundt
hen
wentt
omybag
Me:
her
e:
)
Him:ahhbabybutIdi
dn'
tgety
ouany
thi
ngj
ust
yet
Me:Noneedy
ou'
vebeengi
vi
ngmeal
otof
gi
ft
s
Heopenedt
het
inyboxandt
henhi
sey
es
gl
owed
me:
I'
m notaski
ngy
out
oMar
yme:
)
Isatnextt
ohim,Iboughthim asi
l
v err
ing
writ
tenfor
everwi
thheartbeatwaves
Hi
m:t
hisi
samaz
ing,
it'
s.
..
Me: it
'sapromi seri
ng,t
hati'l
lal
wayscarryyou
i
nmyhear tAlways!AndIwilll
oveyouhar der
every
dayev enifwear eamilli
onmi l
esaway ,i
'
ll
al
way shavey ourbackNicnomat terwhatand
i
'l
lneversharewhati '
vesharedwithyouwi t
h
anyoneelse,Iwillst
andbyyouunt i
lyoutellme
nottoanymor eandIwi l
lconti
nuetoloveeach
andever ycrazypartofyou,i
'l
lbeheret obrash
awayyourt emperwheny ouloseitevenbetter
ki
ssitaway: )
,mypointisthatIloveyouNi c
wit
hev erypar tofmeandi tmightnotseem like
i
tbutItrulyappr eci
atey
ouf orunderstandi
ng
andlovingmel i
kenootherpersonhas. .
Heputontheringinhismiddlef
ingerwhenI
l
ookedupforthev er
yfir
stti
meIsawt earsin
hi
seyes,
Ijustgrabbedhim andheldhi
mt ight
[
07/
11,
22:
22]Kunt
a:TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t30

Wef el
lasleeponthefl
oorineachother
sarms,
i
nthemor ningIfel
thi
m playwit
hmyhai rhe
al
way sdidthatwhenhewokeupf i
rstIsl
owly
openedmyey es
Hi
m:mor
ningbeaut
if
ul:
)
Me:
mor
ninghandsome
Hi
m:Happynewy
ear
Me:
yout
oo
Hi
m:hungr
y?
Me:
Nonotr
eal
l
y
Hi
m:I
'
m maki
ngbr
eakf
astany
way
s
Me:
thenwhydi
dyouask?
Hi
m: j
ustchecki
ng,
Iknowy
oudon'
tl
ike
br
eakf
ast
Ismi
l
ed,
hest
oodupandwal
kedt
otheki
tchen
Me:
i'
ll
showerf
ir
stI
'
m sost
icky
Hegi
ggl
ed
Him: Iwasgonnaremovet
heicecream
properl
ybef
oreyougotal
lhungr
yformeand
pull
edmet oki
ssyou
Il
aughed
Me:
shutupNi
kho
Ial
sogotupandwentt
ofet
chmyt
oil
etr
ies
thent ookashower ,
Nicjoinedmewef r
eshened
upt henIdressedintoafloral
shortsummer
dressandpeachSandl es, heworescorched
blackandbl ueshort
sandawhi t
ev est
..
Wewenttoeatbr
eakfastt
henhet
ookmybag
andkey
sandwewal kedout.
Hi
m;wannadr
ive?
Me:
sur
e
Wegoti nsi
dethecaranddrovet
oclicks,when
wegott her
eIwasaskedsomanyquest i
ons
alsohadtofil
li
nsomef or
m butIfi
nall
ygotthe
afterpi
ll
sNicboughtabott
leofwaterIdrank
them immediat
elyi
nthecar.
Ni
c:doyouwantt
ogor
estorwecancr
uze
ar
ound?
Me:
Nowe'
l
lgowhenIst
artt
ofeel
sick
Hi
m:okayl
et'
sgo.
.
Wewalkedoutt
hecarandheldhandsthen
st
art
edwalki
ngtonowhere,
wewal kedint
o
ev
erybeaut
if
ulplacejusttotake
pi
ctur
es:)thenafteranhourweboughti
ce
cr
eam andwenttochillatthepar
k..
Iwasst
art
ingt
ofeel
real
l
ynoxi
ous
Me:
Idon'
tfeel
sogood
Ni
c;l
et'
sgobaby
Heheldmyhandthenwewalkedbackt
othe
caranddr
ovebacktohi
spl
ace
Whenwear ri
vedIchangedi
ntopj
'
sthenl
aidon
thecouch,
hecoveredmewithafl
iest
hensat
nexttome
Hi
m:i
sitt
hatbad?
Me:
Ifeel
hor
ri
ble
Hi
m: I
'
m sorr
y"hekissedmyforehead",i
'
ll
makeyoul
emont eayou'
ll
feel
betterneh?
Me:
Okay
If
eltsomuchpaintoapoi
ntwher
eIpromised
myselfIwoul
dtakepr
event
ionpi
l
ls,
Ifel
tli
ke
myi
ntest
ineswher
etwi
sti
ngi
nmyt
ummy
..
NicbroughtmeteaIdrankthenfel
tabitbet
ter
,
helai
dbehindmeont hecouchholdingme
fr
om behindthenwefellasl
eep.
Wewokeupdur i
ngthedayIwasn'
tcomplet
ely
okaybutIwasbet
ter
,wecleanedt
hehouse
thenIt
ri
edtocookwhil
stNicmadedeser
t..
Mycookingwasn'
tgoodbutnottoobadeit
her
besi
desNiclov
editorhesai
dthatjustt
omake
mefeelgoodaboutmysel
f:)

LaterthatdayKhol
oandLuy ol
ocameov ert
hen
weal l
wentout, i
twasr eal
l
yf unal
thoughIwas
sti
l
l i
npainItri
edtoignoreit..
Nicgotdr
unkthatni
ghtIhadtodri
veback
homebutlucki
l
ywedi dn'
tbumpint
oanytraf
fi
c
cops.
.
Wear
ri
vedandbot
hwentst
rai
ghtt
obed
.
..
Thr
eeday slat
erhisparentscameback,Nic
andIreal
l
ymadet hefewday st
hatwewere
al
onewor t
hwhi l
e: pforonceitf
eltl
i
kejust
hi
m andIagainsteveryt
hing.
.
Thef ol
l
owingdayresult
swer ecomingoutI
RememberIcouldhar dl
yeatthewayIwasso
scaredandNicontheot herhandwasonsome
"whathappenshappensbaby "hewasreal
ly
chil
l
ed,hispar
entshadf ai
thinbot
hofus.
Wewentt
obedear
lyt
hatev
eni
ng.
.
Ni
c:y
ouneedt
orel
axEnt
le
Me:
easyf
ory
out
osay
Him:I
'mtell
i
ngyoumadei
t,youwor
kedreal
l
y
har
dther
e'snowayy
ouwouldn'
tmakei
t
Me:
that'
sreal
l
ysweetbabebuti
tdoesn'
tmake
mef
eelanybett
er
Ni
c: y
ouknowIj
ustr
eal
i
zedy
ouar
eleav
ingf
or
Pr
etori
aint
wodayst
ime
Me:
let
'snott
alkaboutt
hatbabypl
ease
Ni
c:noEnt
lewecan'
tav
oidi
tunt
ily
oul
eav
e
It
ookadeepbr
eat
h
Me:Idon'
twanttobeawayf
rom y
oubut
t
her
e'snootherway
Him:Iknowbaby,
butwest
ickt
oourpr
omi
se
r
ight
?Visi
tsev
erymonth
Me: whati
fit
'
snotgonnabet hateasyNic?I
meanwear egonnabefi
rstyearsinnew
envi
ronment
sdon'tyout
hinkmay bewear e
gonnabetoobusytomakethathappen?
Nic:
we'
ll
makei
twor
kent
le,
wecanal
way
s
f
indaway
Me: Isupposeso,besi
desift
heev
erymont
h
t
hingdoesn'tworkwestil
lhav
ehol
iday
s
t
ogether
Him:thi
sismor ef
rust
rat
ingt
hanIthought,
i
r
eall
ydon'tknowhowI'
m gonnal
iv
ewi thout
you
Me:
met
oo,
themostscar
ypar
tismeet
inga
whol
enewbunchofpeopl
e
Him:that
'sreal
lygonnabehar
dony out
o
adj
ustbutKholoandIwe'l
lbeaphonecal
l
awayneh
Inodded
Hewr appedhisarmsaroundmeasIwas
i
nhali
nghi sscentmyeyesstar
tedt
oform wi
th
tear
s,Ijustr
eali
sedhowscaredIwasof
every
thing,l
eavi
ngNicandKholobehi
ndallt
he
rel
ati
onshipsi'
vebui
lt
..
IwasscaredthatIwasgonnastartthi
nki
ngof
mymot herwhenI'm al
oneandbreakdown,
thatmyemotionswer egonnadi
eagain
,ever
ythi
ngwasgonnagowr ong..
Isni
ff
ed
Ni
c:baby
?
Me:
mmh?
Hel
ookedatmebuti
twasdar
k
Hi
m:ar
eyoucr
ying?
Me:
NoI
'
m comi
ngdownwi
thf
lue
HeknewIwascr
ying,
hej
ustpul
l
edmyheadt
o
hi
schest
Him:Iknowyou'
rescar
edbuti
t'
sgonnabe
okayIpr
omise
Me: wi
lli
treal
l
y?Whatifevery
thinggoeswr ong?
Yougetti
redonwaiti
ngforme, myf i
nancesfai
l
andIcan'
tpaymyfees,Khologetsanewbest
fr
iendwelosecont
actthenI'
ml eftwit
hnothing
andnobody?Thenwhatnic?
Him: Mbal entl
ethelastthingyoushoul dworry
abouti slosi
ngme, i
'
ll nevergetti
redofwaiti
ng
entl
eIwannaspendmyl i
fewi t
hyou, y
ouhav e
tobelievethatandev eryt
hingisgonnawor kout
j
ustfineokay ?Iknowi t'
sal ott
ot akeinbutyou
shouldn'tbescared
Me:
Isupposeso
Hi
m;Il
ovey
ou
Me:
ndi
yakut
handanam
Hel
aughed
Him:xhosaneverl
ovedy
oubutIl
i
kei
twhen
yout
ryit
'sador
able
Ismi
l
ed
Wet
alkedf
orawhi
l
ethenf
ell
asl
eep.
..

Thefol
l
owi ngdayIwaswokenupbysomuch
noi
setoapoi ntwher
eIt
houghtthewasf
ir
e
maybe,IgotupandNicwasn'
tnextt
ome
WhenIwaswearingmyrobehewalkedi
n
hol
dinganewspaperwi
ththebi
ggestsmi
leon
hi
sface.
.
Hi
m:I
'
m pr
oudofy
ou
Me:
Imadei
t?Letmesee:
D
Hegavemethepaper,Isatdownont hefloor
andopenedi
tthengotthebiggestshockofmy
l
ife
Mbal
ent
leCol
l
insBand5di
sti
nct
ions
Phy
sics
Engl
i
sh
Li
fesci
ences
Af
ri
kaansandL.
O
Iwassoexcit
edt
hatIscr
eamedandjumpedto
Nichi
sparent
sal
socamei nt
ocongr
atul
ateus
Nical
sogotaBandadi st
inct
ioninMat
hs,
Account
ing,
Afr
ikaansandEnglish
Istar
tedtogetcall
sf rom theothergi
rlsfr
om
school,Khologott
hesamesy mbolsasI,that
daywasj usttooemot ionalandmemor ablepart
ofmeknewmymot hersawt hepaperbutshe
nevercall
ednotevent osaycongr at
ulati
onsbut
Iwasn'tsurpri
sed.
KholoandNi c'
spar
entsbothtookal
lofusout,
thejoyIhadwasbey ondwordsandIremember
thanki
ngGodf ormakingever
ythi
ngpossi
ble,
I
deserveditt
hewayIwor kedhardIj
ust
deser
vedevery
thi
ngIgotanditwoul
dn'
thav
e
beenpossi
blei
fIdidn'
thav
epeoplewho
bel
iev
edinmel i
keNikhoandKhol
odid.
.
[
07/
12,
13:
48]Kunt
a:TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t31

i
twast hemor ni
ngoft hedayIwasl eavi
ng
EasternCape,Ispentt
hepr evi
ousdaywi t
h
KholoandNi cbutitwasn'
tasni ceasweal l
i
magi ned,
weal lj
ustwantedtohav efunforthe
l
asttimebutitturnedtosomet hingfil
ledwit
h
sadnessandt oomuchemot i
ons.
Khol
ocoul dn'
tacceptthewholet hingbutweal l
hadtojustfacereal
ityandbegr atefulforal
lthe
amazingtimewehadwi theachot her,wel at
er
wenttodropKhol othenwecamest rai
ghtto
bedwedi dn'
teveneatwej ustwentt obedand
hel
deachot herwithsil
ence..Ishar ednic'
s
painwi t
hhim becauseIf elttheexactwayhe
didandIt hi
nkwhatki l
ledmet hemostwas
seeinghim hurtl
ikehedid, hebar el
ysaida
wor dthewholenighthedi dn'tev enwantmet o
l
eav ehissideforasecondwhenhewasf i
nal
l
y
asleepIwenttot hebathroom andcr i
edas
muchasIneededt ounti
l IfeltbetterthenI
wentbackt obedandwr appedmyar msaround
himt henIfel
lasleep.
..

Thenextmorni
ngIwokeuptohi
m doi
ngt
he
usual
(pl
ayi
ngwithmyhair
)
Me:
mor
ning
Hi
m:hey
Wej ustl
ookedateachot herandsai dnothing
forawhile,
it'
snotthatIdidn'thaveany t
hingto
saytohim butbecauseIcoul dn'
tithurtsobad
partofmewant edtogetov eranddonewi tht
he
wholeleavi
ngthingIcouldn'thandletheheavy
atmospherearoundus.
Hi
m:y
ouwer
ecr
yingl
astni
ght
Hepl
ayedwi
tht
her
ingIgav
ehi
m
Me:
ali
tt
le
Hi
m:mmh
I
'
venev
erseenNi
cli
ket
hati
twor
ri
edme
Me:
yousur
eyougonnabeokay?
Hi
m:Ishoul
dbeaski
ngy
out
hat
Me:
I'
m abi
ggi
rl
Hel
ookedatme
Me:
you'
rer
eal
l
ydepr
essi
ngmeNi
khoha.
a
Hi
m:Ican'
tpr
etendl
i
keev
ery
thi
ngi
sfi
ne
Me:
trypl
ease
Hest
oodup
Hi
m:I
'
m goi
ngt
otakeashower
Heki ssedmyforehead,Ibitmyl
owerl
i
pand
shavedmyf aceont hepil
lowIwant
edto
scream sohardbutIcouldn't
.
Nic'
smom camet otheroom andhel pedme
withpacki
ngwhi l
stwewer echatt
ingshewas
alsoworri
edaboutNicandIal lshesaidwas
thatweshouldbest r
ongf oreachotherandi
f
real
lywearemeantt obet ogetherwe'l
lfi
nda
wayt oeachotheragain.

Niccamebackt henhi
smotherwenttopr
epar
e
breakfast
,myfl
i
ghtwasgonnaleaveat3soI
hadt obeatt
heairpor
tat2.
Nicdi
dn'tsayawordhewasj ustdoingwhathe
wasdoing,Ial
sowenttobaththem wewentt o
eatbr
eakfasti
nsi
lencetheonlypersonwho
wastal
kingwasAphelel
eandhewast al
ki
ngto
hi
mself.
Me: uhm..'
Icl
earedmyt hroat'
Iwannat hank
youMrandMr sCooperforhavingmei ny our
houseandtreati
ngmel i
keadaught eritreall
y
fel
tli
kehomeandIappr eciateall
thelove
you'
vebeengivingme
Nic'
smom :i
t'
sbeengreathav
ingyouMbal
i
e
you'
reanamazi
nggir
lIhopetoseeyou
agai
n: )
Nic'
sdad:andwear
epr
oudofthebot
hofyou,
whatev
ery
oumayneeddon'
tev
erhesi
tat
eto
call
Me:
yessi
r"Ismi
l
ed"
Ni
cwasj
ustpl
ayi
ngwi
thhi
sfoodqui
et
Ni
c:l
et'
sgoMbal
i
eyou'
l
lbel
ate
Hi
smom :
it'
sst
il
lear
ly
Ni
c:she'
sst
il
lgonnagot
oKhol
oandt
heMal
l
Hest
oodupandl
eft
,Il
ookedathi
smom
Her:
don'
twor
ryi
'
llmakesur
eheget
sbet
ter
Me:
Thanky
ou
Istoodupandhuggedever
yone,t
hepi
ckedup
nicksl
it
tl
ebrot
herandki
ssedhim
Me:
I'
m gonnami
ssy
oubi
gboy
Hi
m:don'
tgo
Me:
Ihav
etoo,
buti
'
llbebacksoonneh
Henoddedandwr appedhi
shandsar
oundmy
neckthenplacedhisheadonmychest,
Iwas
hear
tbroken..

Wewentt oloadmybagsinthecarthenImade
sureItookever
ythi
ng,
Nicwasalreadysit
ti
ngin
thecarwait
ingsoonwedroveoffinsi
lence.
Wewenttokholo'spl
aceitwast hesame
emot
ionalsi
tuat
ionshereall
ycriedwhichmade
mecry,t
henshegav emet helongestspeech
andl
ectur
es..
Khol
o:Il
ovey
oubesaf
eandcal
lMbal
i
e
Me:Iwil
l
,Il
ovey
oumor
epl
easet
ryt
ocheer
hi
m up
Her:
i'
ll
tryf
ri
end
Shewal
kedmet
othecart
henwedr
oveof
fI
r
ememberseeingherwav
ewhi
l
stwi
pingt
ear
s
wi
tht
heotherhand.
NicandIwentt
othemal
ltobuyaf
ewt
hingsI
neededt
hendri
vetot
heai
rport
.
Hetookmybagsthenwewentinsi
detocheck
i
n,Iwasonl
ylef
twith30mi
nut
suntilIl
eav
e.
Me:
soy
ougonnabequi
etunt
ilIl
eav
e?
Hi
m:Ihav
enot
hingt
osayEnt
le
Me:
wowokay
Him:nonotl
ikethat
,ImeanIcan'
tthi
sisall
t
oohardformeIknowitisf
oryouaswel l
and
yout
ryi
ngbut.
..
Hehel
dmyhandandt
ri
edt
osmi
l
e
Hi
m:Ent
lewam
Ismi
l
ed
Me:
Babywam
Him:takecareofyour
sel
fformeokay?Pl
ease
andi
'
llcal
leverydayact
ual
lywhenev
erIcan
Me: Iwi ll
,dothesamecont rolyourTemperlike
Itol
dy out oandjustdon'tgetyourselfi
nany
tr
ouble, nocarspinni
ngoral lt
hecr azyt
hings
youdo. .don'tst
opdancing: )
Hegi
ggl
ed
Hi
m: r
eall
y ?Okayeatbr eakfast,don'
tl
etgoof
al
lthelovey ouhave,don'tthinkaboutyour
mom ,don'tdri
nkal otanddon' tstop
dr
awing: )
Me:OkayWehav
eadeal
,speaki
ngofwhi
chI
dr
ewthi
sfory
ou.
It
ookoutafol
dedpaperfrom mybagandgav e
i
ttohim,
itwasapictur
eofussittingt
ogether
i
nourfav
ouri
tespotinthepar
kt henattheback
Iwrot
e"Neverf
orgetwhatwe'veshared<3"
Hi
m:t
hisi
scut
e:
),t
hanksbabe
Heki
ssedme,
theni
twast
imet
oleav
e
Ist
oodupandhuggedhi
mtight
ly,
Ihadal
ump
i
nmyt hr
oatandmyhear
twasheavy
Hi
m:Ourl
ovei
sfor
ever
Me:
alway
shasbeen
Hi
m:al
way
swi
l
lbe.
..
Him:Ndi
yakuthandaMbal
ent
lel
ockt
hati
nyour
hear
tnomatterwhat
Me:
Ilov
eyout
ooCooper
Itookmybagsandwalkedaway,Il
ookedback
andblewhi
m akisshegrabbedi
tandplacedi
t
onhishear
t.
.
Tear
srandownmyfaceasIwal
kedt
otheot
her
si
detogetont
hepl
ane.

Icouldn'tseemyf ut
urewit
hhi m any
mor e,as
soonasIcoul dn'
tseehim everyt
hingIusedt o
pict
urewi thhi
mi nitj
ustwentblurever
ythi
ng
slowlyfadedawayIt r
iedt
or eachoutbutitfel
t
l
iketheend: '
(..
[
07/
12,
13:
48]Kunt
a:TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n
I
nser
t32

Immediatel
ywhent heplanetookoffIl
eaned
agai
nsttheWi ndowlookingdownfrom t
hesky,
thel
adythatwassi tt
ingnextt
omewant edto
haveaconv er
sationwithmeIcouldtel
lbutt
he
l
astthi
ngIwant edtodowast al
k.
Ifel
lasleepandwokeupanhourl at erwhenwe
wereaboutt olandIcl i
ppedmysaf et ybel
tthen
l
ookedawayagai n,wel andedthenwewai t
eda
fewmi nutesafterthatwewer etoldwecoul d
gosoev er
yonest art
edmaki ngtheirwayout .
.
Iwenttowaitformyl uggagethenIwal kedto
catchagautrai
nt oPretor
iabecausethepl ane
l
andedi nJhbafterIgotinandsettl
edIcal l
ed
Nictotell
him Iwasont hewayt oPretoriahe
didn'
tsaymucht hecallwastooawkwar d.
About30mi
nut
esl
aterIar
ri
vedt
oPr
etor
iaand
tookacabt henaskedt hedr i
vert
odropmeata
B&BwhenIar r
ivedIcalledKholowet al
keda
whil
e,shewasbusyaski ngifi'
veseenany
awesomecl ubst hatt
imeIj ustar
ri
ved..Iwas
ti
redri
ghtafterthecallItookashowerand
wentstrai
ghttobed.
Iwokeuparound8pm andIwashungr
y,the
wholenewenvir
onmentfel
twei
rdyesPretor
ia
wasreall
ybeaut
iful
butI
tfel
tempt
y.
Igotoutofbedandworemysweat
ert
ookt
he
keysandwalkedout
..
Thewasamal l
closetotheB&BsoIwalked
ther
eboughtafewthi
ngstoeatthenwal
ked
backwhenaredconvert
ibl
epul
ledinf
rontof
me..
Ikeptwal
ki
ng
Hi
m:canIask?
Me:Idon'
tknowany
thi
ngIj
ustgother
e"Isai
d
wal
ki
ngaway"
Hegotoutt
hecarandr
ant
owar
dsme
Me:
great
!
Hi
m:Hel
l
o
Idi
dn'
tev
enl
ookathi
m
Me:
hi
Hi
m:uhm Ij
ustwant
edt
oasksomet
hing
Me:
Idon'
tknowany
thi
ng!
Him:wowy ouraccent
,ar
eyouBr
it
ishor
somet
hing?
Iwasr
eal
l
yget
ti
ngannoy
ed
Me:
canIwal
kbackt
omyr
oom i
npeace?
Itur
nedandl ookedathimf orthefir
stti
mehe
wasr eall
ycutel
ikethewholey el
lowbone, t
hick
darkey ebr
ows,pinkli
psandt al
lbutyoucould
tel
lhewasol dmay bearound24- 25years
Hesmi
l
ed
Hi
m:I
'
m sor
ryt
obot
hery
ou
Iwasstil
ladmi
ri
nghi
mthenIi
mmedi
atel
y
snappedoutofi
t
Me:
it'
sokayI
'
mjustt
ir
ed
Hi
m:okaycool
Heturnedandwalkedaway,
iturnedandl
ooked
athi
mt henstar
tedtowal
kagain.
Iwenti
nsi
detheB&Bprepar
edsomethingto
eatt
henwatchedmov
iesunti
lIf
ell
asleep.

Thefoll
owingmorni
ngIwokeupandt ookacab
toUPIwant edtor
egi
sterear
lybecauseIknew
soonitwouldgetr
eal
lyful
landIhatedstandi
ng
i
nline.
Iarri
vedthereandpai dtheregistr
ation,di
dmy
studentcardthenwentt ocheckspacei nthe
resi
denceadmi ni
str
ati
onthewasspacebut
whenIcal cul
atedthemoneyIneededt opayfor
myf eesplusthemont hlyresfeeitexceeded
mybudgetwhi chwasr eal
lystressfulandI
di
dn'twanttotel
lNi
cIdeci
dedthati
'l
lwit
hdr
aw
myinvestmentsandseewher
ethewholethi
ng
wasgonnat akemebutatl
eastonethi
ngwas
asi
deIknewf orsur
eIwasgonnastudy.
Afterareall
ylongdayofsi
gningpaper
s,
runningaroundIfi
nal
lyf
ini
shedwith
everythi
ng.
Iwenttot
akeat axi
,Igotlostacoupl
eoftimes
whichwasreall
yfunnybutIeventual
l
yfound
mywayIwasn' tt
heaskar oundkindofper
sonI
pref
err
edtofigur
esomet hingoutmysel
feveni
f
i
ttakesmeanhour.
Onmywaybackt ot heB&BNi ccall
edme, he
wasn'tascoldanymor eIguesshewasst art
ing
toacceptthewhol et hi
ng,wewerelaughi nga
l
othekeptt easi
ngmeaboutt hegett
inglost
partItol
dhim everythingexceptt
hati'l
lrunout
ofcashsoonIdi dn'twanttowor r
yhimt hat
soon.
Khol
oandhi
m wer
eal
sol
eav
ingt
oDur
bant
he
f
oll
owingweek,
wewerest
il
ltal
ki
ngwhent
he
t
axirandoml
yst
opped.
.
Dr
iver:
Ousi
thi
sisy
ourst
op
Me:
what
?
Ni
c:baby
?
Me:
I'
m gonnacal
lyoubackmyl
oveneh
Hi
m:okayshar
p
Ihangedup
Me:
yousupposedt
ogoi
n
Him:thi
sisataxinotacabt
hisi
syourst
op
youwalkfr
om her
e
I
twasal r
eadyget t
ingdar
kandtheB&Bwas15
minutesawayf r
om wherethet
axidr
oppedme
thepartt
hatfreakedmeoutwasthatIhadt
o
gounderabridge.
Me:
can'
tyout
akeme?
Hi
m:Si
siAngi
naskhat
hisodl
alaneh
Me:
huh?
Hi
m:pl
easegetout
Hewentoutthencameallt
hewayaroundto
openthedoorforme,
Istar
edathi
mt hen
grabbedmybagandwalkedout
.
Hedroveoff,
Istar
tedwal ki
ngIwasreal
ly
scar
edIthoughtofthelastti
meIwalkedalone
atni
ght,i
twasbacki nEastLondonwhenI
almostgotmugged.
ImadesureIholdonti
ghttomybagthen
st
artedwal
kingreal
l
yfast
,Icoul
dseetheB&B
af
terthebr
idge.
Istoodbyt hebri
dgef orawhil
ehesitati
ngto
pass,thenstart
edwal ki
ngagainlucki
lyIwent
throughwithoutanyfunnybusinessesbutwhen
Iwasal r
eadypastitIsawagr oupofshady
guy si
nadi st
ancesitti
ngbyther oadsmokinga
reall
yweirdsubstance..
Icr
ossedmyf
inger
sthenwal
kedpassedt
hem,
theystar
tedmakingall
thosenastyremar
ks
andoneoft hem wasstar
ti
ngtogetupasking
foraR2whent hesamer edconvert
ibl
epul
led
nexttome.
Guy:
geti
n
Me:
arey
ouf
oll
owi
ngme?
Him:real
l
y?That
'swhaty
ouwor
ri
edaboutr
ight
now?
Ilookedattheguythatwascomingmyway
thenquickl
yrantotheothersi
deoft
hecarand
gotin,hedroveof
f
Hi
m:Gi
rl
sdon'
twal
kher
eatni
ght
Me:
Iwasn'
tpl
anni
ngt
o
I
twassi
l
entf
orawhi
l
e
Hi
m:y
oushoul
dlear
ntosayt
hanky
ou
Me:
Thanky
ou
Hel
aughed
Hi
m:y
ouar
esucha.
.
Il
ookedathi
m
Hedi
dn'
tfi
nisht
hewor
d
Me:
soar
eyouf
oll
owi
ngme?
Hi
m: Idon'
thav
eti
mef
ort
hatIj
ustgotback
f
rom work
Me:
Okayy
oucandr
opmeher
e
Hest
oppedt
hecar
Iwalkedoutmakingmywayt ot
hegate,Icoul
d
tel
lhewaslookingatmethewholeti
me
becauseheonlydroveawaywhenIenter
edthe
gate.
.

Anony
mous.
.
[
07/
12,
13:
48]Kunt
a:TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t33
Acal
lwokemeupt
hef
oll
owi
ngday,
ireached
f
ormyphone.
.
Me:
Hel
l
o
Ni
c:heyBeaut
iful
,whyar
eyoust
il
lsl
eepi
ngat
t
hist
ime?Areyouokay
Me:I'
mf inebabyyouknowIlovemysleepI
'm
j
ustti
redfrom yest
erday
,Ir
eal
lymisswaki
ng
upnexttoy ou
Him:Imissitt
ooEntl
ejustpl
ayi
ngwi
thy
our
hai
rwhi
lstIwatchy
ousleep
Me:
timef
li
esi
'
llseey
oubef
orey
ouknowi
t
Him: Iknowandit
'sgonnaf
eel
li
kewewere
neverapart,
sohowisitt
her
e?Madeany
fr
iendsyet?
Me: i
t'
sokayabi
tlonelybuti
tscool
anduhm.
.I
hav
en'tmadeanyf
riends
Hi
m:whydoy
ouhav
etot
hinkabouti
t?
Me:
Not
hingi
stheonl
ypeopl
ei'
vespokewi
th
si
ncei'
vebeenher
ear
ethecashi
ersfr
om the
mall
andthepeopl
ewhoworkaroundthi
sB&B
Hi
m:y
ouhav
etomakef
ri
ends
Me:
Idon'
thav
etoI
'
mfi
nebymy
sel
f
Hi
m:Idon'
twanty
out
obel
onel
y
Me:
stopwor
ryi
ngaboutme,
howar
eyou?
Him:wel lI
'm get
ti
ngt her
ebeenhangi
ngouta
l
otwithCj hehelpstakemymi ndofft
hingsand
I
'm abitexcit
edaboutgoingtodurbs
Me: t
hat
'sni
cebabyI
'
m sur
eyou'
l
lli
kei
tther
e
,howsKhol
o?
Him:haven'
tseenhersi
ncey
ouleftIguess
she'
sspendingal
otofti
mewithLuyol
osince
younothere
Me:
she'
l
lbeokayweal
lwi
l
l
Hi
m:y
eah.
.goeatbr
eakf
astt
henbat
h
Me: Okaybabyki
ssAphef
ormenehandgr
eet
yourparent
s
Hi
m:wi
l
ldo,
Ilov
eyou
Me:
Ilov
eyoumor
e
Wehangup
.
.
Icheckedtheti
mesinceIhadnonmucht odoI
fi
guredImightaswellgot
osleep,
Isl
eptfora
whil
eandwokeupar ound2Iwassotiredfr
om
sl
eeping.
Iwenttot
akealongbath,
Iwasn'
tev
enhungr
yI
j
ustatebi
scui
tsandj
uice.
.
Theweat
herwasnicesoIdeci
dedtogofora
swi
m,Iworemybikini
wrappedatowel
then
wentt
othepool
area.
Iunwrappedthetowelgoti
nthewat erand
rel
axed,ther
ewerealsosomeotherpeopl ejust
chi
ll
ingthereandpl
ayingmusic,
afterawhi l
eI
gotoutthewaterandwalkedi
nsideIwasn' t
l
ookingbecauseIwasbusywi pi
ngmy sel
fwhen
Ipai
nfull
ybumpedi nt
osomeone.
Me:
real
l
y?
Il
ookedupandi
twasanony
mous
Me: youarest
art
ingt
ofr
eakmeoutwhat
'
s
yourprobl
em?
Hi
m:uhm I
..
Me:Nol
i
kewhyar
eyoual
way
swher
eIam
f
uck!
Him:i
fyouar
etr
yingt
osayI
'
m st
alki
ngy
ouI
'
m
not
Me: t
henwhat ?Doy
oust
ayher
enowby
coi
ncidence?
Hi
m:uhm act
ual
l
yIownt
hispl
ace
I
'
venev
erfeltsooembarrassedi
nmyl
i
feI
i
mmediat
elywentspeechless
Me:
err
..y
ouownt
hispl
ace?
Hi
m:y
es,
Sor
ryt
obumpi
ntoy
ouI
'
minahur
ry
Me: Nof
orgi
vemef
orbei
ngr
udeI
..Idi
dn'
t
know
ThewayIwassouncomf
ort
abl
eIcoul
dn'
twai
t
forhi
mtowal
kaway
Hi
m: it
'sf
ine,
l
etmemakei tuptoy
oubydi
nner
l
ater
?Justasafr
iendl
yrequest
Icoul
dn'
tsaynobecauseIwasal
readyf
eel
i
ng
badforbei
ngrudet
ohim
Me:
Yeahi
tscool
Hi
m: 6pm?I'
l
lmeety oui
nther
ecept
ionhe
smi
ledandwalkedaway
Itookadeepbreat
handwentbacktomyroom,
thenKholocal
l
edmeItol
dheraboutthe
i
ncidentshewasdeadwi
thl
aughter
..
Me:don'
tlaughKhol
ohowam Igonnal
ookat
hi
m now?
Khol
o:f
orgett
hat
,ishecut
e?
Il
aughed
Me:theonl
ycut
eguyIknowi
sNi
csoIhav
eno
i
dea
Khol
o:comeont
her
e'snonwr
ongwi
thl
ooki
ng
Me:Okayf
inehi
ssupperhotabi
tol
dthoughI
t
hink
Her:
may
behowol
d?
Me:
24-
25
Her:
JusthowIl
i
ket
hem
Wel
aughed
Me:
hayKhol
o
Wetal
kedforthelongestt
imeunt
ilshe
r
ecei
vedanothercall
Khol
o:we'l
ltal
klat
ernehIhav
eacal
lcomi
ngi
n
Il
oveyou
Me:
cool
Ilov
eyout
oo
Iwentbackt omyroom andwat
chedamov ie
ar
ound5pm It ookabathanddr
essedint
o
bl
ackskinnyjeansawhitel
acel
azytop,l
eat
her
j
acketandabl ackvans,
Iti
edmyhairandput
onalipgloss..
Icheckedtheti
meitwas5minpast6,
Itookmy
baglockedthenwal
kedout
.
Theguywasal
readyst
andi
ngi
nther
ecept
ion
chat
ti
ngwit
hhi
s" wor
kers"
Imademywayt
ohi
m
Me:
hi
Hi
m:y
oual
sodon'
tkeept
ime
Me:
whyar
eyousobossy
?
Hi
m:I
'
m not
,I'
mjustsay
ingcanwegomay
be?
Ir
oll
edmyey
es
Me:
yes
Wewakedt
ohi
scaranddr
oveof
f
Hi
m:y
oul
ookni
cei
sthatal
lforme
Me:
iny
ourdr
eams
Hel
aughed
Hi
m:y
our
eal
l
ydol
ookni
cet
houghj
okesasi
de
Me:
Thanks
Wet al
kedaboutbasi
cstuf
funti
lwearri
vedin
townandwentinSpur,webothorder
ed,food
arr
ivedthenweate.
.
Hi
m:sowher
ear
eyouf
rom?
Me:
EastLondon,
you?
Hi
m:KZN,
andt
heAccent
Me:
longst
ory
Hi
m:t
obesav
edf
oranot
herdat
e
Me:
thi
sisnotadat
e
Hi
m:Iknow,
Icoul
dnev
erdat
eyou
Me:
what
?
Hi
m:Idon'
tdat
echi
ck'
sli
key
ou
Me:
whatdoy
oumeanchi
ck'
sli
keme?
Hi
m:y
oul
ookst
ubbor
nandcont
rol
l
ing
Me:
eveni
fIwasn'
tIwoul
dn'
tdat
eyou
Hesmi
l
ed
Hi
m:i
fyousayso
Me:
soy
ouar
eoneoft
hoseguy
s
Hi
m:whi
chguy
s?
Me:
theIcangetanychi
ckIwantwhenev
er
Hi
m:notr
eal
l
y
Me: Okayletmeguessagain,
justbecause
you'r
ecuteandprobabl
ysuccessfulj
udgingby
theB&By outhi
nkyouhaveeveryt
hingwrapped
aroundyourfi
nger
Hi
m:soy
out
hinkI
'
m cut
e
Me:
uhm t
hat
'snott
hepoi
nt
Hesmi
l
ed
Hi
m: lookIai
n'
tnosnoborany
thi
ngbutyeahI
dogetanychi
ckIwantsameappl
iest
oyou,ifI
want
edy ouIwoul
dgetyou
Me:
youdon'
tev
enknowmyname
Hi
m:samegoest
oyou
Il
aughedal
i
ttl
e
Me:
you'
reaj
erky
ouknow
Him:i'
vebeentold,seeIl
i
kegir
lsalotI
'
m not
ther
elat
ionshi
ptypeIeatandwalkawaysoI
gett
hatalotbeingcall
edall
sor
tsofnames
Me:wowIcanseeAi
dswr
it
teni
ncapi
tal
lat
er
i
nyourf
ace
Hel
aughed
Him:that'
sthel
astt
hingi
'l
levergetI
'
m wise,
I
knowgirl
swhoarebeauti
fulasyouarenot
l
oyal
Ial
sol
aughed
Me: yougatsoomuchissuesnowIseewhy
you'
rescar
edofarelat
ionshi
psomegir
lyou
r
eall
ylovedbrokey
ourheart
Hi
sfacechanged,
hel
ookedaway
Me:
I'
mri
ghtai
n'
tI?
Hi
m:I
'
m notscar
ed
Me:
howol
dar
eyou?
Hi
m:23why
?
Me: al
mostgotitr
ight
,andyou'
renoti
na
ser
iousrel
ati
onshi
psurel
ythatshowsyouhav
e
i
ssues
Hi
m:soy
oubeent
hinki
ngaboutme:
)
Me:
No
Hi
m:what
ever,
what
syourname?
Me: we'v
ebeenher
eforal
mostanhourand
youonlydeci
det
oasknowwhataturnoff
Hel
aughed
Hi
m:I
'
m nott
rynat
urny
ouont
hat
'
sthet
hing
Heli
ckedhi
sli
ps,Idon'
tknowbutt
hewas
somethi
ngsoosexyabouthi
m
Me:
Mbal
ent
le
Hi
m:Ni
cename
Me:
your
s?
Hi
m:I
'
m nott
ell
i
ngy
ou
Me:
Okayi
'
llcal
lyouanony
moust
hen
Hi
m:Kumkani
Il
ookedathi
m
Hi
m:what
?
Me:
not
hing
Hi
m: Iseeyou'
renewher
eandpr
obabl
yneed
f
ri
endsright
?
Me:
I'
m newbutIdontr
eal
l
yneedt
hem
Hi
m: goodbecausewecoul
dnev
erbef
ri
ends
wear
ehorri
bletoeachot
her
Webot
hlaughed.
Idi
dn'thaveanyr omanti
cthoughtsabout
Kumkani yeshewasHotandal l
butmyheart
onlyt
rulybelongedtoNicIguesswhatIli
ked
abouthim wast hathewasthefir
stguyto
i
ntimi
dat emeandwehadt hesameIdon'tgi
ve
afuckattit
udeinaway ,hi
scompanymade
ti
mer unsof ast.
.
Wejustsatatspurandt al
kedunti
litwasdar k,
thewasn'
tanythi
ngseriouswewer ejustbeing
horr
ibl
etoeachotherandl aughi
ng,hi
mt ell
i
ng
meabouthisli
feapparentlyhewasabusi ness
manbuthenev erwentintodetai
laboutthat.
Wespental
leveningi
ntownandIcameback
t
oadozenmi ssedcal
lsfr
om Ni
c: /
[
07/
12,
13:
48]Kunt
a:TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t34

Ii
mmedi
atel
ychangedi
ntopj
'
sthencal
l
edhi
m
back
Hi
m:Mbal
ent
le
Me:I'
m sosor
ryf
ornott
aki
ngy
ourcal
l
sbabyI
wasout
Him: out
?Youwentoutal
oneandl
efty
our
phone?Thist
imeEnt
le?
Me:
uhm Iwasn'
tal
oneact
ual
l
y
Hi
m:what
?Whower
eyououtwi
th!
?
"
Itol
dhi
mthewhol
est
ory
"
Hi
m: wai
tsoyoutel
l
ingmey
ouwentonadat
e
wi
thanot
herguy
?
Me:itwasn'
tadat
eNi
chej
ustwant
edt
o
apol
ogi
ze
Him: t
hat'swhathemadeyout
hink!I
'
m busy
tr
yingtocally
ouallev
eni
ngandwenay ouar
e
onadat e?Wow
Me:
NicIj
ustwentoutt
her
e'snot
hingt
oit
Hel
aughedsar
cast
ical
l
y
Hi
m:SobonaEnt
lenehwe'
l
lsee
Me:
sonowy
oudon'
ttr
ustme
Nic:howcanI?whenithasn'tev
enbeena
weekbutyoual
readygoingondat eswi
thdudes
youj
ustmet,whatifhedidsomethingt
oyou?
Me:
hist
heowneroft
heB&BIst
ayi
nthat
'
sthe
onl
yreasonIt
rust
edt
ogowi
thhi
m
Hi
m:andIbety
oust
ayt
her
eforf
reeal
sonow
Me: whatisthatsupposedt
omeanNi
kho?Ar
e
yousayi
ngI '
m cheati
ngonyou?Wowy
ououtof
all
peopleshouldknowmebet t
er
Him:Idon'
tknowwhatt
othi
nkwheny ou
act
ingl
iket
hisMbal
ent
lewhi
l
stathousand
mil
esaway
Me:Ij
ustfor
gotmyphoneonce!OnceNi kho
andal
readyy
oumakingitsoundl
i
keI'm some
sl
utwhosuddenl
ySucksmoneyfrom guys
Hi
m: l
ookbabyI
'
m sor
ryokay
?Iwasj
ust
wor
ri
ed
Me:youknowwhat?Sav
eitandl
etmeenj
oy
myf
reestayher
e!
Ni
c:Mbal
ent
leha.
a
Iknewwhenev
erNi
csai
dthathi
stemperwas
for
mingup
Me:
Goodni
ghtNi
kho
Him: youbeingunf
airkodwa,howwherey ou
gonnaf eel
ifIdi
dn'
tpickupmyphonef orhours
thenIcomebackandt el
lyouIwasoutwitha
gir
l?
Me: butIexpl
ainedNicmoswhydoyouhave
t
obel i
kethisasifi'
veev
ermadeyoudoubt
yourtr
ustinme
Hi
m:IknowokayIknow,
I'
m sor
ry
Me:
it'
sokay
Hi
m:pl
easest
ayawayf
rom t
hisguy
Me:
Iwi
l
ltr
y
Hi
m:st
ayawayEnt
le
Me:
Okayf
ine!
Hi
m: Thanky
ou,
nowl
etmeheary
ousayy
ou
l
oveme
Me:
youknowIdo
Hi
m:Iwannaheari
t
Me:
Ilov
eyouNi
khoCooper
Hi
m:Ilov
eyoutooMbal
ent
leCol
l
ins,
we'
l
ltal
k
t
omor
rowneh?
Me:
okay
Hi
m:pl
easebabysuqumba
Me:
I'
m not
Hi
m:pr
omi
se?
Me:
Ipr
omi
se
Hi
m:okay
,ourl
ovei
sfor
ever
Me:
alway
shasbeen
Hi
m:al
way
swi
l
lbe,
bye
Me:
byebaby
Wehangup,
IsentKhol
oat
extov
erBbm t
hen
sl
ept
.

Day
spassedandIhav
en'
tseenKumkaniwhi
ch
wasagoodthi
ngsi
nceIwasinst
ruct
edt
ostay
awayf r
om him, thewasagi rlmyageIr egularl
y
tal
kedtoshewasTshwanaandhernamewas
Nalediwewer en'tfri
endspersaybutwe
hangedoutal ott ogether,shewasat tending
schoolinoneoft hecol lagesintownt hest ayin
theB&Bwast empor aryunt i
lshegotal egitflat
,
shesuggestedt hatIst ayedwithherifIwantI
wasn'treal
l
ysur ei ft
hatwasagoodi deabut
l
ookingatmysi tuat i
oni tseemedlikeone
becauseaf l
atwasmuchmor eaff
ordabl e.

Ij
ustfini
shedt
alki
ngtoKholoonthephoneI
don'
tknowwhybutt hatdayIwasdepressed
si
tti
ngaloneout
sidewhenKumkani cameand
satnexttome.
Hi
m:af
ter
noon
Me:
hey
Hi
m:y
oudon'
tl
ookokay
Me:
I'
mfi
ne
Hi
m:Ihav
en'
tseeny
ouf
orawhi
l
e
Me:
i'
vebeenher
ethewhol
eti
me
Hi
m:mmh
Wekeptqui
etf
orawhi
l
e
me:
youknowl
i
fei
sreal
l
ynotf
air
Hi
m:why
?
Me:
justi
sn'
t
Hi
m: y
oucantal
ktomesomet
imest
alki
ngt
oa
st
rangerhel
ps
Ismi
l
ed
Me:I'
m good,
Ijustneededt
osayt
hatpar
tout
l
oud
Hi
m: you'
real
way swear
ingt
hatbr
acel
etgoti
t
f
rom y
ourboyfr
iend?
Me:
yeai
t'
smor
eli
keal
uckychar
m :
)
Hi
m:y
oungl
ove
Heshookhi
shead
Me:
it'
samaz
ing
Hi
m: i
twil
lki
l
ly ou,
changey
ouandhowy
ou
l
ookatev
eryt
hing
Me:
notev
ery
onei
sgonnahur
tyoukumkani
Hi
m: yeahkeeptel
l
ingy
our
sel
fthat
,any
way
s
wannapart
ytoni
ght?
Me:nothankslastt
imeIwentwi
thy
oumy
boy
fri
endfreakedout
Hi
m:t
ell
himt
orel
axy
ounotmyt
ype
Il
aughed
Me:
asi
f
Him:comeonMbal
i
eyouwon'
tdr
inki
fyou
don'
twanna
Me:
Idon'
twantt
ogo
Him:Fi
necal
lmei
fyougetbor
edandchange
yourmi
nd,
Iownacl
ubintown
Hepl
acedhisbusi
nesscar
dont
opofmyl
ap
t
henstoodup
Me:
whatel
sedoy
ouown?
Hesmi
l
ed
Hi
m:j
ustt
hisandt
hat
Me:mmhl i
fei
sgoodneh,
thi
sandt
hatal
ri
ght
Kumkani
Hi
m:y
ou'
reawhi
teper
sony
ouknow
Me:
I'
m not
,I'
m ami
x
Him: butdominancei
swhit
e,ski
ncolour,
hai
r,
exceptthaty
ouhav eabl
ackbootywhit
esdon'
t
havethatass
Me: y
ouaremaki
ngmef eel
real
l
y
uncomfor
tabl
epl
easel
eave
Hel
aughedandwal
kedaway
Hi
m:seey
ouwheny
ouchangey
ourmi
nd
It
ookhi
scarandf
oldedi
t.
.

Thenr
andoml
yst
art
edt
hinki
ngaboutmy
motherIwonder edhowshewasandi fshewas
happyyesshedi dn'tgi
veadamnaboutmebutI
sti
l
lcareddeepdownf orher
,Ist
il
lhadsomany
questi
onsf orherbutmaybetheyweren'teven
worthit
..Ididn'
thaveahome, f
amilynothing!I
wasonmyownandi twasuptomet obui l
d
somethingf ormyself
..
Istar
tedthinkingaboutKumkani andwhathe
had,theguyhadmoneyev erythi
ngbutnol ove,
hewasj ustempt yev enthoughhet houghthe
wasf i
ne,heav oidedpainandf eeli
ngemot i
ons
butdeepdownhewascol dandhewasseeki ng
thewarmt hofhav ingsomeonewhol ov esyou
hejustdidn'tknowi t,
Iknewal lt
hisbecauseI
wasoncel ikehi m bef or
eImetNi c,Idi
dn'tdo
hugsnorsayt hewor dIloveyouIdidn'tbel
ieve
i
nnonoft hatst uffjustemoti
onsi nallbutI
neededall ofthem t omakemet heper sonthatI
tur
nedoutt obe.
Maybeli
fewasjustdesi
gnedli
kethatyouj
ust
can'
thav
eital
l,
hewasst il
lnotahappyper
son
alt
houghhehadev er yt
hingbuthedi dn'tknowit
theonl yti
mehewasgonnar eal
izethepai nand
empt inesshewasl i
v i
ngwaswhenhef inal
ly
foundt hepersonwhowi llmakehi mlook
beyondev eryt
hing,toucht heuntouchabl eand
feeltheplacesthatnoonecan, theper sonwho
will
trulyshowhi m whatl overeall
yisjustli
ke
Cooperdi dtome<3
[
07/
12,
13:
48]Kunt
a:TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t35

Afterafewweeksschool sopenedi twasti

me
tostartattendi
ngandt heaccommodat i
on
problem wasn'tsort
edouty etsoIhadt otr
av el
fr
om t oschool ev
erydayIwasl i
teral
lyr
unning
outofcashbecauseIboughtt extbooksinfact
everymat eri
alIneededforschool.
Ni
candIwer
est
il
lgoodbutourcommuni
cat
ion
fadeddail
ywhenhegott oDur banIguesshe
gotreal
lybusybuthetri
edcalli
ngatl eastonce
adayev enifwespeakfor2mi nutes,asfor
Kholowewer esti
ll
thesamewet alkedal otshe
updatedmeonev eryt
hingdail
yIdidt hesame
andknowinghershewasal readyonsome
party
ingatt
empts.
Onmysi dePr etori
awast reatingmer eall
ygood
, Ihadaf ewf ri
endsi ncludingNal edibutt hey
wer enot hingcompar edt oKhol oandnoone
couldr eallyr eplaceherasaf ri
endsheal so
knewt hatsoshewasn' tjealousaboutt hegi rl
sI
washangi ngoutwi t
h, Kumkani wasl ikeabi g
brothernowi nawaywedi dn'thangoutal ot
becauseIdi dn'twantt odi srespectNi csincehe
didn'twantmear oundhi m butf actwast hatI
couldn'tav oidhi m Ili
kedhi m butInapur ely
genui newayt oapoi ntwher eIstartedtot rust
him wi thev er y
thingsoheknewal mostev ery
thingaboutmeandIal soknewsomest uff
abouthi m, wewoul djustchi llfr
om t i
met ot i
me
andtomysur prisehewasn'tascol dasI
thoughtbecausehealway stol
dmet hi
ngs
wouldwor koutnomat terwhatthengav eme
somemot i
vati
onalspeechtypathingitwas
heartwarming.

Mycl assesmost lyendedlatesoKumkani

wouldpi ckmeuponhi swayf rom work
somet i
mes, If
eltfr
eearoundhi m notbecauseI
trust
edhi m enoughbutbecausehemademe
reall
ybeliev
ehewoul dneverhitonmesoI
wasn'twor r
iedabouthim start
ingtofallf
orme,
hewoul dev entellmeabouthisgirlf
ri
endsand
thedramat heyhad.
Kumkani
mademef eell
ikeIhadabi
gbr
other
hemadethi
ngsal
i
ttleeasier
..

OnaFr i
dayev
eningI
'mjustlay
inginbed
watchi
ngamov i
e,Nal
ediwenthomef orthe
weekendandshewasalreadystay
inginher
ownfl
atsowedidn'
tchi
llt
ogetherasoft
en
any
more,Kumkaniwasalsobusysinceheran
acl
ubandonFri
daysitgothecti
c.
Ni
chasn'
tcal
ledmeal
ldaysoIdeci
det
ocal
l
hi
m,phoneri
ngs.
..
Gi
rl:
Nikho'
sphonehel
l
o
Me:
uhm hi
canIt
alkt
ohi
m?
Her:
whoar
eyou?
Me:
heknowswhoIam
Her:wellIdon'
tthi
nksobecauseyournumber
i
sn'tevensavedbutcal
lhi
m backaft
er20
minuteshisi
ntheshower.
IgotsocoldIdidn'
tev enknowwhet hert
oask
thegir
lwhoshewasorwhatherr elati
onshi
p
waswi t
hNi cIdi
dn'thaveexper
iencewhenit
camet othosethi
ngsbecausehonest lyi
'
ve
neverbeeninsuchsituati
on.
Me: y
ouknowwhat?Don'
ttel
lhi
m Ical
l
edy
ou
t
hinkyoucandot
hat?
Her:
yeahsur
e
Ihangupandt hrewmyphoneont hebedt hen
wentt owashmyf ace,itwasal mostamont h
sincewewer eapartwithNi cIdi dn'tknow
whet hert hegir
lwaspar tofhi sl i
fenoworhe
wasbackt ohisoldhabitsal otoft hingsr an
throughmymi ndandt hingsj uststartedtoadd
uphehar dl
ycall
edmebutpar tofmet houghtI
waspar anoidthenagai nwhenagi rlanswer s
yourboy fri
endsphoneandsay shi sinthe
showert here'
sonlyonet hingy outhinkabout ,
onet hingonl yandit'
scheat ing. .
Ir
ememberIdi
dn'
teatthatni
ghtIj
ustwent
st
rai
ghtt
obedandslept
..

Thef ol
l
owi ngmorni
ngIwokeuphopi ngmay be
Nictextedmeorcal l
edbackbutmyphonewas
cleanItri
edtojust
if
ythesituati
onf orhim and
thoughtmadet hegir
lreal
l
ydi dn'
ttellhi
mt hatI
call
edsoagai nIwentbackt ohavi
ngquest i
ons
aboutifshewashi sf r
iendButi fsowhy
wouldn'tshet ellhi
m andwhywasn' tmy
numbersav edany mor eitf
rustratedmeal ot
andthel astthingIwant edtodowasconf r
ont
NicsoImadeachoi cethatifIdidn'twantto
l
osemymi ndmay beIshouldl ethim go
becauseaf terthatdayIwasn' tev ergonnabe
abletocompl et el
ytrusthim.

Iwenttotakeabaththenworemypj'
sand
stayedi
nbedt ot
ort
uremy sel
fwit
hthought
s
thenIfi
nal
lydeci
dedtocalNic.
.
Hi
m:heybabe
Me:
heyar
eyouokay
?
Him:Ihav
eabi
tofahangov
erbutI
'
llbegood,
you?
Me:
I'
m okay
Hi
m:y
oudon'
tsoundokay
Me:
Nikhol
ookuhm t
hiswhol
edi
stancet
hing
i
stoohar
donmeIdon'
tthi
nkIcandoi
t
any
more
Him:what
?Whatareyoutal
ki
ngaboutent
le?
Wearedoi
ngokayy
esit'
shardformetoobut
comeonwegonnaseeeachotherwi
thi
n
anot
hermont
h
Iswallowedhardbecausemyv oicewas
start
ingtogetal
lshaky,Ihadalumpinmy
throat
Me:NoNi
khoIwanty
out
ohav
eyourf
reedom,
i
t'
ski
ll
i
ngme
Hi
m:ar
eyouseei
ngsomeoneel
se?
Il
aughedf
aint
ly
Me:NoCooperI'
m notandIwon'tIl
oveyou
andonl
yyou,
Ijustcan'
ttakei
tanymore
Him: Idon'tunder
standwhereal
lthi
scomes
fr
om Mbal entl
ethenyoutal
kaboutlovei
nthe
samesent enceIshould'
veknownthi
swould
happen
At
earsl
owl
ywentdownmycheek
Me:
pleasedon'
tcal
lmeagai
n
Hi
m:i
sthatwhaty
our
eal
l
ywant
?
Me:
yes
Him: i
fthiswasadi ff
erentsi
tuati
onIwouldtell
yout hatIcan'tdothatandi'
llf
ightforyoufor
usbutt hisisactual
lyyoutell
i
ngmet ofuckoff
fornoappar entreasonssomay beyouarelyi
ng
tothebot hofust hereissomeoneel sebut
don'tregretthi
sneh
Il
ookedupandhel dmyheadIwasscar edI
di
dn'tknowwhatIwasdoingbutIdidn'
twantt
o
gethurtei
therbuti
ttur
nedoutIwashurti
ng
anyways
Me:
ByeNi
c
Him:you'
reof
fi
cial
l
ytheonl
ygi
rlt
omakeme
andbr
eakme,Ihopeyoufi
ndhappi
nessi
nthi
s.
Hekeptqui
etf
orawhi
l
ethen.
.
Hi
m:By
e
HehangupandIwasl eftwithnot hi
ngbuta
memor yofhissmi l
e,hisscentandhow
passionatelyhealwaysr anhishandsal lov er
me, seeinghim danceandr i
dicul
ouslylaugh
andt easeme, howhappyhemademebutI
start
edt opictur
eallthet hi
ngswedi dtogether
withsomeoneel seIwasn' ti
nt hepictur
e
anymor e,Itri
edf i
ghti
ngbutmay beIwasj ust
notreadyt obeawayf r
om him.

Ihel
dapill
owandroll
edmybodyarounditt
hen
cri
edli
kei'
venev
ercri
edinmyli
fe,
everypar
tof
mecrackedandfel
ldownint
opi
eces.
Icr
iedunt
ilIf
ell
asl
eep.
.
Myphonewokemeup
Me:
Hel
l
o
Kholo:y
oudidwhatMbali
e?What'
swrongwit
h
you?Youknowwhat?Idon'
twantt
otal
ktoyou
r
ightnow
Me:
youdon'
tunder
standKhol
o
Her:youtel
lmeev er
ythi
ngandy
eshehasn'
t
beencal
li
ngy ouasmuchasheusedt
obut
comeonEnt l
e
Me:that
'snott
hereasonIbr
okeupwithhim
Khol
oIwanttoexpl
ainthi
stoyoubutIcan'
t
Her: you'remybestf ri
endandIl ovey oubut
ri
ghtnowI 'm gonnaputitst r
aightupt oyou,
youf uckedupandy ou'l
lregreti tIj
usthopet hi
s
i
sr eall
ywhaty ouwant ,
justsoy ouknowy ou
brokehi m andy ousenthim st raightbackt o
whathewasnowhi sgonnaf uckal lthegir
ls
thathav ebeencl i
ngingintohi m, atleastI'
ma
witnessofi tthisti
meandIwon' tstandand
blamehi m..I'
m notmadaty oubutIj ustcan'
t
talktoy our i
ghtnow, ndiyakuthandaMbal ie
Goodni ght
Me:
Khol
o..
Shehangup
Isl
owlyputmyphonedownandhel dmyhands
agai
nstmyhead,aft
erafewminutesthewasa
knockIi
gnoredi
tthent
hedoorslowlyopened
Kumkani
:Mbal
i
ear
eyouokay
?
Hesatnextt
ome
Me:
Yeah
Hi
m:y
ouknowy
oucant
alkt
ome
Me:Idon'
twannat
alkKumkani
andIwannabe
al
one
Hi
m: okay
..Ij
ustwant
edt
oasky
out
omov
ein
wi
thme
Il
ookedathi
m andhewasser
ious
Me:
what
?
Him: Li
vi
nginaB&Bwhilsty
oustudy i
ngi
sn'
t
real
l
ygoodf ory
oubesi
desIli
vealoneinabi
g
housether
e'spl
ent
yofspaceI'
m hardl
yeven
ther
e
Me:Idon'
tthi
nky
ouknowwhaty
ouaski
ngme
t
odohere
Hi
m: thi
nkabouti
tandwhatev
eryou'
regoi
ng
t
hroughi
tsgonnabeokayyou'
reabiggi
rl
Hehel
dmyshoul
dert
henst
oodupandwal
ked
out
.
[
07/
12,
13:
48]Kunt
a:TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t36

Aft
erthatnightIlivedinpai
neveryday
wonderingifwhatIdi dwasthebestt hi
ngf
or
meort hewor st,Kholoal
sodidn'
ttalktomefor
awhilebutev entuall
yshecamearoundbut
whenIt ri
edtalki
ngt oheraboutNi
cshesaidI
shoul
dn't,shedidn'twanttobepartofour
rel
ati
onshipany mor e.
IthoughtaboutNi
khoever
ydayandIattempted
tocallhi
m somanytimesandjustapol
ogize
andaskhim abouteverythi
ngbutIstopped
my sel
fever
ytimeuntilonedayIwentalong
wit
hmygutandcal l
edhim buthisphonewent
str
aightt
ov oi
cemail,Itr
iedcal
l
inghimf or2
daysbuteventual
l
ygav eupandt houghtmaybe
hechangedhisnumber s.
Thechapt
erofmyrelat
ionshi
pwit
hNicwas
cl
osedbutInev
erstoppedmissi
ngandl
ovi
ng
hi
m..

Myl i
fehadabi tofadi r
ecti
onIfinal
lydecided
tomov einwithKumkani i
twast er
ri
fyingatfir
st
butIgotusedt oitwithti
met hebestpar twas
thathewashar dl
yhome, healwayshad
businessoutsidethecountryalt
houghInev er
real
lygottoknowwhathedi d,Iaskedhi m once
aboutwhathi sbusinesswasaboutbuthej ust
saidbuyerandsel l
erexchangesoIl etitbe.
Ti
meflewsofastt
hatsoonIt
urned18st
il
l
di
dn'
thearf
rom Ni
cbutKhol
oandIweresti
ll
in
touchbutnotasmuchasweusedt ot
he
distancehadi tcourse,whenItol
dherthatI
l
ivedwi thkumkani shewasn'thappynotevena
bitweev enhadaf i
ghtaboutitbutshehadto
acceptt hechoicesIwasmaki ngthat'
swereI
thinkIlostmybestf riend.

Irecei
vedmyf undsbutwithKumkani doing
everyt
hingformeIkeptt hem assavings,He
taughtmehowt odrivethenIgotali
censeI
wasnowdr i
vinghisothercartoschoolandI
wasdoi ngreall
ywellonmyst udi
est hatIgota
bursarythesecondy ear..
DeepdownIf el
tli
keadiff
erentpersonnot
becauseofkumkanibutbecauseofev er
ythi
ng
thatkeptf
all
i
ngast i
mewentby, kumkani was
goodt omehewasl i
kefamilyandhenev er
mademedoubtmyt rustf
orhim notevenfora
day.
Iev
enbegant
ocar
elessaboutf
ri
endsIwoul
d
onlyhangoutwi t
hthem whenIwasatschool ,
therestofmyt i
meIwasal way sstudyi
ngor
spendingtimewithKumkani..heintr
oducedme
toadi f
fer
entgirl
everyweekendIjustendedup
call
ingalloft
hem "Next
"becauseIcoul dn'
t
rememberal lt
henames, t
hatdidn'tbot
herme
becauseIhadmyspaceandIwasn' taf
fected
byitli
fewentsmoot hl
ywellthat'
swhatI
thoughtforawhile.

'
Fastf
orwar
d'
3y
ear
slat
er.
.
IjustgraduatedinCiv i
lengineeri
ngIst i
ll
couldn'tbeli
eveIwasdonewi thschool afteral
l
thestruggle,overtheyearsi'vebeenseei ng
peoplebuti tnevergottoaser i
ousr el
ationship
Idon'tknowi fit
'sbecauseIwant edsomeone
whowasl ikeNicormyl evel
swer etoohi gh,
Kumkani wastheonl ypersonwhocameas
familyinmygr aduationhel aterthrewmea
partyhonest
lyIappr
eciat
edev eryt
hinghewas
doingformebutwi t
hti
meIf el
tli
kehewas
changingnotinabadwaybuti twasodd, he
l
ookedatmedi f
fer
entl
ynol ongerli
kehisl
il
si
sterbutItr
iedtoavoi
dthis.

I
t'
saFr i
dayeveni
ngI
'
m sit
ti
nginthelounge
watchingTVkumkaniwasattheclubhecame
backlatebutIwasst
il
lup.
.
Hecamei
nandsatnextt
ome
Hi
m:hey
Me:
hey
Hi
m:I
'
m sot
ir
edi
sther
efood?
Me:
YeahIt
hinksi
spumzacooked(
thehel
p)
Hi
m:okay
Me:
shoul
dIt
ell
hert
obr
ingy
ouf
ood?
Hi
m:nor
elaxi
'
lleatl
ater
Me:
uhm Iwast
hinki
ng
Hi
m:y
eh?
Me:sinceI
'm donewit
hschool
I'
m gonnast
art
appl
yi
ngforajobthenmoveout
Him:whydoyouhavetomov
eout ?You'
ve
beenl
i
vingher
eforal
most3year
snowI '
m
usedt
oy ou
Me: IknowbutIcant akecareofmyselfnow
don'
tgetmewr ongIappr eci
ateyouforbeing
l
ikeabigbrothertakingmei n,l
ooki
ngoutf or
meandal landI'm gonnapayy oueverycent
youspentonme
Hesmi
l
ed
Him: noIdon'twantyoutopaymebackI
neededy ouaroundasmuchasy ouneededme
tohelpyousoi t
'scool
,butIst
il
ldon'tappr
ove
thatyoumov eoutbythewayy ou'reanadul
t
nowy oushouldn'tl
ookuptomel ikeabig
brother
"
Het
ouchedmyl
ap"
Ifel
treal
l
yuncomf
ort
abl
efort
hef
ir
stt
imei
n3
year
swi t
hhi
m
Me:uhm whatdoy oumean?Ofcour
sey
ou'
re
l
ikeabr
otherInev
erhad
Ifakedal
aughandsl
owl
ymov
edhi
shandaway
fr
om mylap
Him:youknowwhyIof
fer
edy
out
ocomest
ay
her
e?
Me:
youwant
edt
ohel
pme
Hi
m: y
esbutIal
sowantedt
ohel
pyout
ogr
ow
i
ntoawomanIwil
lmarr
y.
Me:uhm KumkaniIr
eal
l
ydon'
tfeel
comf
ort
ablewi
ththis
Him:comeonMbaliedon'
ttel
lmeyouhav
en'
t
beenf
eel
ingwhati
'
vebeenfeeli
ng
Me: what!?NoKumkani ha.
aIhaven'tal
lthi
s
ti
mei'velookedatyouli
keabrotherandyou
knowthat,waitIt
houghtyouunderst
oodour
rel
ati
onship
Him:Ididtr
ustmebutovert
heyear
sIsawa
pot
enti
alwif
einyou,t
hewayyoucarr
yyour
sel
f
j
ustever
ythi
ngaboutyoui
swhatIwanti
na
womanMbal i
e
Me: ohmyGod!LookI'm goi
ngt
obedand
tomorr
owI'm gonnapr
etendwedidn'
thav
ethi
s
conver
sat
ion!
!
Ist
oodupandst ormedupstairstomyroom
andsatonmybed, Icouldn'
tbeli
evewhat
kumkaniwastryi
ngt odoafterbei
ngsogoodt
o
mef ormanyyearsthenwhenIwasf i
nall
y
gonnabeoutofhiswi nghegoesaheadanddi
d
melikethat.
AndIsawadi sadvantageinnothav i
ngany
closefr
iendsbecauseIneededadv i
ce,Ino
l
ongerhadcont actofal l
thepeopleIwasclose
withsomehowIst art
edtothinkthatkumkani
wasbehi ndthefail
ureofmyr elat
ionshi
ps
romanti
candf r
iendshiphealwaysmademe
seewhyIshoul dn'tbewithpeople,whyI
shoul
dn'
tassoci
atemy
sel
fnort
rustt
hem .
Inev erstudiedphy col
ogybutf orthef i
rstti
meI
real
isedKumkani waskeepi ngmet ohi mself
onlyal lt
histime, t
ot hi
nkofar ri
vi
ngi npt awith
fri
endsandal ongt hewayIl ostcont actwi t
h
them becauseofhi m Istil
ltri
edmaki ngnew
fri
endsbutIendedupwi t
hj usthim, no
rel
ationshipnot hi
ng!Thatt i
meIspent3y ears
there..Ithitmet hatmay behewant edmet o
fal
linl ovewi t
hhimi nsteadt hat'
swhyhemade
mepushev eryonewhoev ert r
iedtobepar tof
myl ife.

Mychoi
ceswer
ecat
chi
ngupwi
thme
[
07/
12,
13:
48]Kunt
a:TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t37

Iwokeupt
hef
oll
owi
ngdayandwentt
omake
breakf
astri
ghtwhenIwasabouttoeatSis
Pumez aarr
ivedandstar
tedwi
thl
aundry
,Iwent
tochil
lwit
hherwet al
ked..
Shewasar eall
yfri
endl
ypersonandsodownt o
eart
h,aft
erawhi l
eIwentt
obat hworesweat
pantsandav estwit
hsl
eepersti
edmyhairthen
wenttowatchTV.
Me:
sisPumeza?
Her:
Hel
l
o
Me:
comer
estabi
t
Her:
Ihav
etof
ini
shher
efi
rst
Me:Nocomeonyounev
ersi
tdownbesi
des
t
hebossi
satwor
k
Her:
Ifor
goty
oudon'
ttakenof
orananswer:
)
Il
aughed,shecameandsatnexttomewe
watchedTVtoget
herf
orawhilethenshewent
backtowork
Me:
i'
ll
hel
pyouwi
thcooki
ngl
aunchneh
Her:
okayl
hol
ho
That'
showsheusual
l
ycal
l
edmeandIf
oundi
t
ver
yadorabl
e.
Westart
edprepar
ingLaunchandt
hensoon
Kumkanicameback.
Hi
m:Af
ter
noon
"
Webot
hgr
eet
edback"
It
houghtaf
terwhathappenedthepr
evious
ni
ghtKumkaniwasgoingtobecoldtowards
mebuthewasact ual
l
yhimself
Me:
whyar
eyoubackear
ly?
Hi
m:i
t'
snott
hatbusy
Hejoinedusintheki
tchenandwatchedus
cookwhilstwewereallchat
ti
ng,
thewasa
knockont hedoor
Me:
i'
ll
geti
t
Itookaswapanddri
edmyhandsthenwentto
openthedoor
,thewer
etwopol
iceoff
icer
sin
t
hedoor
Me:
hicanIhel
pyou?"
IwasConf
used"
Pol
i
ceof
fi
cer1:
ist
hiskumkani
'
sresi
dence
Me:
yes
Hi
m: canwecomei
nweneedt
otal
ktohi
mif
hi
shere
Me:
uhm y
eahsur
e
Iopenedt
hedoorwidert
hentheycamei
n,
Kumkaniwal
kedouttheki
tchen
Hi
m:Gent
lemenhowcanIhel
pyou?
Poli
ceoff
icer2:
youknowoneoft
hesedays
you'
regoi
ngdownKumkaniwit
hever
ythi
ngyou
have.
Kumkani
smi
l
ed
Hi
m:y
out
hink?
Pol
i
ce:weknowyourbusi
nesst
heonl
ythi
ng
weneedi
sval
idpr
oof
Kumkani:
Idon'
tknowwhaty
ou'
ret
alki
ng
about.
Iwasj
uststandi
ngthere,
Ikeptl
ooki
ngateach
per
sonthatwastal
king..
Thepol
i
ceguy
sbot
hlaughed
Poli
ce: wejustcametowarnyou,whenwe
cat
chy outhewon'tbeanysecondchancesyou
seeallt
his?Willbesol
dtothestat
eandy ou'
l
l
becoldinanempt ycel
l.
Kumkani
wal
kedt
othedoorandopenedi
tthen
hest
oodasi
de
Hi
m: nowyoucanl
eav
emyhouseandgocat
ch
r
ealt
hugs
Theotherpoli
ceguylookedatKumkanit
hen
shookhisheadtheybothwalkedoutt
hen
Kumkani sl
ammedt hedoor.
.
Hi
m:dammi
t!
!Dammi
t!
!
Hebangedhi
sfi
stont
hewal
l
Me:
whatwast
hatabout
?
Hi
m:notnowMbal
i
e?
Me:what
?Youjustgott
hreat
enedbypol
i
ce
andy
ousaynotnow
Hekeptqui
etandl
ookedaway
Me:
Kumkani
whatt
hehel
li
shappeni
ng?
!!
Him:I'
minv
olv
edi
nadr
ugbusi
nessokay(
he
shout
ed)
Thenhecamecl
oset
omeandwhi
sper
ed
Hi
m:I
'
minal
otofi
l
legal
stuf
f
Mymout
hwasl
i
ter
all
yhangi
ng
Me:
what
?You'
readr
ugmul
e?
Hi
m:I
'
m adi
str
ibut
oract
ual
l
y
Itookaf
ewstepsawayf
rom hi
mthenhel
dmy
handsonmyhead
Me:
ohmyGod,
how.
..how
Hecamecl
oseandhel
dmyhands
Hi
m:l
ookMbali
ethesel
l
erandbuy
erbusi
ness
i
sadr
ugbusi
ness
Ipushedhi
m ashar
dasIcoul
d
Me: howcoul
dy ouf uckendothi
stome?IfI
knewwhatyoudidf oral i
vi
ngIwoul
dn'
thave
associ
atedmyselfwithyouwhydidyoul
ie?!
Him:r
elaxMbal
i
eInev
erl
i
edIj
ustdi
dn'
ttel
l
you
Me: r
elax?
?Rel axKumkani
?Youknowift
hey
cat
chy ou,
y ou'
llspendl
i
fei
njai
l
?Idon'
twanna
bepartofthis
Him: y
ou'r
ealr
eadypartofit
,butchi
lli
'
v ebeen
doingt
hisfory
earst
heywon' tf
indanythingi'l
l
tel
lmymant obeextr
acar ef
ul,
someonel eaked
i
nformati
onandhewon' tmakeittoanotherday
!
"Icoul
dn'
tbel
i
evewhatIwasheari
ngi
twasl
i
ke
someonewasgonnashakemeandsaywake
upy ouar
ehavi
ngabaddream "
Me:I
'
m notpar
toft
hisar
eyoucr
azy
?Whati
s
wr
ongwit
hyou?
Him:
youareMbal
i
e,ar
eyougonnat
urnmei
n
nowt
haty
ouknow?
Me:
uhm NobutI
'
mleav
ing
Him:you'
renotgoi
nganywhereandeveni
fyou
gonnatur
nmei nknowthatwe'
ll
bothgodown
Me:
what
?!
Him: you'
vebeenli
vingwi
thmef
oryearsthe
courtwil
lwanttoknowhowcanyounotknow
aboutitorhowareyounotev
enpar
tofit.
Isl
owl
ysatont
hef
loorandhel
dmyhead
Me:
whydi
dyoudot
hist
omeKumkani
?
Hi
m: Idi
dn'
tdoany
thi
ngt
oyou,
I'
m abusi
ness
man
Me:sell
i
ngdrugsisnotbusi
nessi
tdi
ggi
nga
gr
aveforyour
sel
f
Hi
m:wel
lyoubenef
it
edf
rom t
hemoneyal
ot
andy ouliveunderar oofbuiltwithdrugmoney ,
seet hethingisMbal i
eIwasn' tfort
unatelike
youIdi dn'
tfindsomeonewhot ookmei nand
l
ookedaf t
erme, Iusedtol i
veont hestreets,
coldev ery
dayy oudon'tknowpov ert
yfeelsli
ke
becauseIhel pedy ousot hatyouwoul dn'teven
feelwhatIf eltf
oraday ,nowi '
vestruggledbut
throughall t
hatIpushedandnowI '
m closeto
beingami l
li
onaire.
Me:
younev
ert
oldmeaboutt
hat
Hesatnextt
ome
Hi
m:y
ounev
erasked
Me:
butwhydr
ugsKumkani
?
Him: i
t'
stheeasi
estt
hingandi
tmakesmoney
,
IopenedaB&Bandacl ubfr
om t
hemoneyi
t'
s
qui
ck
Me: I
'
m notgonnajudgeyou,you'
reanadult
andeveni
fItel
lyoutostopyouobv i
ouslywon'
t
youhaveyourr
easonsforthi
sbutIcan'tbepar
t
ofhi
mf i
rstthi
ngtomor
rowI
'
mleav
ingandI
won'
ttur
ny ouin.
Hi
m:t
hat
'showy
out
hankme?
Me: youknowi tai
n'tevenl
ikethat,I'
my oung
andI '
m aboutt
ostartmycar eerIjustgot
everythi
ngIeverwishedfortogetherandthen
ri
ghtwhenI '
m abouttostartl
ivi
ngl i
fetothe
ful
lestpoli
cechaseaftermeandIpossi bl
yend
upinjail
?NoIcan't
Ist
oodup
Me: Il
ovey
ouandy ouknowthatyou'
refami
l
y
tomet heonlyfamil
yIhav
ebutI'
m sorr
yInever
signedupforthis.
WhenIwasaboutt owalkawayhestoodup
andgr abbedmethenpushedmeagainstthe
door,Icouldf
eel
acutopeningupi
nmyl i
pthen
hestoodbehindmepiningmesohardt owards
thedoor
Hi
m:I
'
m notgonnal
osey
ouMbal
ent
ley
ou'
re
notgoi ngany where,
Itaughty oumostoft he
thingsy ouknow, t
obest rongandnev erstand
byany one,learni
ngtolivewi t
houtrel
yingand
trusti
ngpeopl eanddur i
ngal lt
heseyearsy ou
l
iv edhereyou'veneverbeenhur tbyany one
becauseofme(hewhi speredinmyear )
Me:
you'
rehur
ti
ngmeKumkani
Him:leaveandIsweari
'
llhuntyoudownand
youdon'twantt
oknowtheextremesIwoul
dgo
t
hroughwhenIf i
ndyou.
Thenhemovedawayf
rom meandopenedt
he
doorwal
ki
ngout.
Ihel
dmyli
panditwasbleedi
ng,Iwalkedt
othe
l
oungeandgr
abbedti
ssuesthensatdown.
.
Kumkaniwasri
ghthet
aughtmeal
otoft
hings
buthewasnowusingt
hesamethi
ngshe
taughtmeagai
nstme.
Iwasbowingmyheaddownwhensi
sPumeza
touchedmyshoul
der
Her:
I'
m sor
ry
Me: di
dyouknow?"
Ili
ft
edmyheadandl
ooked
ather"
Shesatdown
Her:Iknewi '
vebeenwor ki
ngforhi
mforyear
s
soIoncesawt hedeal i
ngshappeni
ngher
ebut
heautomatical
lytrust
edmesomehowheknew
Iwouldnevertell
Me:whydi
dn'
tyout
ell
meatl east?I
'v
ebeen
l
iv
ingwi
thamanIdi
dn'tknowfor3years
Her:i
fIdi
dhewasgonnaki
l
lme,
andi
t'
sbeen
4year
s
Me:
what
?
Her:y
ouf i
nishedyourcour
selasty
eart
hen
gr
aduatedthisyearsoi
t'
salmost4year
s
Me:
Ithoughti
twas3f
unnyhowt
imespi
l
ls
It
ookadeepbr
eat
h
Her:
youknowy
ouar
enev
ergonnal
eav
enow
t
haty
ouknowt
hesecr
etnotal
i
veany
way
Me: If
igured,i
'
veneverseenhimlikethi
s
bef
ore,Ican'
teventhi
nkorcryIj
ustdon'tknow
any
mor eifIgotojai
lthenev
eryt
hingi'
ve
workedforwouldhavebeenfornothi
ng
Her:
you'
l
lfi
ndawayy
ou'
reasmar
tgi
rll
hol
ho
Me:
ther
e'snowayoutoft
his
Her:ify
ouneverpr
ayjustprayGodalway
s
makesawayoutofnoway ,
prayabout
ever
ythi
ngandaskforfor
givenessf
or
ever
ythi
ng
Il
ookedather
Me: Idon'
tthi
nkI'
m God'
sfav
our
it
eper
sonhe
doesn'
treal
lyl
ikeme
Her:
Hel
ovesal
lofusuncondi
ti
onal
l
y
Me: Idon'
tknowsi sbuti
'
llpr
ayandaskf ora
waybecauseatsomepoi ntIthoughthavi
ng
Kumkani i
nmyl i
fewasoneoft hebestthi
ngs
thathaveeverhappenedt
omeandnowIj ust
f
indouti
tmi
ghtbet
hewor
st.
Shepul
ledmeinherar
mst hensil
ent
lyhugged
me,If
eltnumbandcol
dinside.
.
Her:l
etmebri
ngy
oui
ceandawett
owel
your
l
ipi
sswoll
en
Me:
Thanky
ousi
siy
oubei
ngher
ehel
ps
Shesmi
l
edandwal
kedaway
.
Icl
osedmyey
esandhel
dmyhandst
oget
her
Me: LordIknowIdon'ttal
ktoy oumuchandI
don'
tunderstandhowy ourt
hingswor kbutI
comebef oreyoutoaskforyourguidanceand
foryourfor
givenessf
oreveryt
hing,
toaskf or
happinessandpeaceforonceinmyl ifeAmen.
[
07/
12,
13:
48]Kunt
a:TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t38

Thewhol
edaywast
ense,
Kumkani
cameback
l
ateandweatesupperi
nsi
l
encei
twasj
ustt
he
t
woofusinthehouse.
Iwassit
ti
ngontheendofthetableandhewas
si
tt
ingontheot
heronetheonlythi
ngthatmade
asoundwasourfor
kswhent heyhitt
heplat
e..
Whenwef i
nishedeati
ngIstoodupandtook
bothourplatestothekit
chenthenwashed
them andwentt owatchTV,Hewasst i
l
lsi
tti
ng
onthet abl
ebutheev ent
uall
ycameandsat
nexttome.
Hi
m:Canwet
alk
Me:
tal
k
Het
ookt
her
emot
ethenmut
edt
heTV
Hi
m:I
'
m sor
ryy
ourl
i
plookspr
ett
ybad
Me:
it'
scool
Him:Iknowit
'snot
,Idon'
twantyout
oseeme
asamonsterMbali
eI'
m notyesI
'
m notagood
per
sonbutItr
yIwouldneverl
ayahandonyou
Me:you'r
eagoodper sony ouj
ustdon'
twantt
o
makegoodchoices,i'
l
lnevertr
ustyouagai
nnor
wi
llt
hingsbehowt heyusedtobe
Him:IknowandIcan'
tshutdownt
hebusi
ness
norl
etyoul
eave
Me: why?Youthi
nki'
l
lrunt
othecops?I'
m not
stupi
dIknowonewayoranotheri
'
llneedup
deadevenify
ou'r
einpri
son
Hi
m:I
'
m notl
i
ket
hatMbal
i
e
Me:
youdon'
tki
l
lpeopl
eyoumean?
Hel
ookeddown
Hi
m:uhm y
ou'
renotpeopl
e
Me:
soy
oudo,
howdoy
ouev
ensl
eep
Hi
m:I
'
m notaki
l
lerI
'
m abusi
nessman
Me:soyouhi
repeopl
etodoi
tfory
ou?St
il
lthe
samet
hingt
hough
Hi
m:al
lIwanti
syout
oacceptt
his
Me:
i'
ll
nev
eracceptt
his,
i'
drat
herdi
ethanend
upinjailf
orsomet hi
ngIdidn'
tevenknowI '
m
gonnalookforajob,getanapartmentt hen
l
eavey ourhouseIwon'thideorrunifyouwant
toki
llmey ou'
remor ethanwelcomet oandI'm
goi
ngt oaninter
viewtomor r
owwi t
habust ed
l
ip.
Istooduptookmyphoneandwentupst ai
rs,I
wasmor escaredofgoingtojailthanKumkani
Kil
l
ingmej ustthethoughtofbeingrapedand
sl
eepingi
nt hecoldwiththetoi
letnexttoyour
bedinafil
thyplacemademeanxi ous.
Imadeupmymi ndthatIwasgonnabailout
onewayoranother,
Iwentt osl
eepbecausethe
fol
l
owingdayIhadar eall
yimport
anti
ntervi
ew.

Myal ar
mr ang,
Iwokeupandwentt otake
showerthendressedintoacr
eam ti
ghtknee
hi
ghdr essandaNav yblaz
erthenworeblack
plat
form,Iti
edmyhai rI
nabundidalit
tl
emake
uptohidethebruisenextt
othecut,
tookmy
pur
set
henIwentdownst
air
s.
Tomysurpri
sekumkani
didn'
tgot
owor
khe
waswat
chingTV
Me:
mor
ning
Hi
m:Goodmor
ning
Iwenttoanappl
ewhenIwasaboutt
owal
kout
thedoor.
.
Hi
m: Youl
ookr
eal
l
ybeaut
if
ulI
'
m sur
eyou'
l
lget
t
hejob
Me:
Thanky
ou,
whyai
n'
tyouatwor
k?
Hi
m:Ineedt
ofi
gur
esomet
hingsout
Me:
ohokayseey
oul
ater
Hi
m:canIgowi
thy
ou?
Me:
uhm why
?
Hi
m: I'
veal
way
swentwi
thy
out
otheseki
ndof
t
hings
Me:
thi
sisdi
ff
erentandnowt
hingsar
e
di
ff
erent
Hi
m:pl
easeMbal
i
e
Me: Fi
nelet
'
sgobef
oreIgetl
ate,
nof
unny
busi
nessesneh
Hi
m:Fi
ne
Hetookhi skeyst henwedr ovetomyjob
i
nterview,hewai tedf ormeout si
deIwentin
andgotov eranddonewi thi tt
henweleftand
drovet othemal l,theint
erviewwentreall
ywell
andIwashopef ulKumkani seemedhappy
genuinelyabouti tbuthedi dn'twantt
otalk
aboutt hemov ingoutpar t.
Whenwegoti nsi
det hemallhewant edt ogoto
thebathroom befor ewecouldgoandst ar
twit
h
theshoppingsoIst oodnexttoagal leryshop
andv i
ewedt hepai nti
ngssi
nceIwasi nlove
withartwhenIhear dsomeonesay" Entle"
behindme, forthelongestti
menoonehas
call
edmet hatsoIwassur prisedIlooked
behindmeandmi xedemot i
onsr anar oundmy
body
Ni
c:It
houghtt
hiswasy
ouwow
Iwaslostforwords,helookedsogr ownupand
handsomehehadmuscl esandallthat,
hewas
actual
l
ymor ehandsomet hanthelastti
meI
sawhim Icouldn'
tbeli
evemyey es
Ni
c:Ent
le!
Ist
art
led
Me:
uhm.
.ohmyGod
Ij
umpedandhuggedhi
m,ever
ythi
ngweshared,
ev
eryf
eel
ingandemoti
oncamebackrunni
ng..
Him: youar
esobeaut
if
uland..y
ouhaven'
t
changedabity
ou'
remoregorgeousandgr
own
i
nstead
Me: t
hat'
sthesamet
hingt
hatIwasgonnasay
aboutyou
Wewer
est
il
lhuggi
ngsoIbr
oket
hehug
Me:
whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?
Hi
m: I
'
m onbusi
nesssoaf
ri
enddeci
dedt
hat
wecomevi
ewthissi
de
Me:wowIst
il
lcan'
tbel
i
evemyey
es,
wher
edo
youwor
k?
Hi
m:Irecent
lystar
tedi
nEastLondonandt
hey
ar
eal
readymakingmetrav
el,you?
Me:that'
sabi
gdeal
,Ij
ustcamef
rom an
i
nter
view
Iwassooexcitedandscar
edmixedwit
h
nervousatt
hesamet i
me,Icoul
dn'
tbel
i
evet
hat
fatedeci
dedtobumpmet owhatwasoncemy
l
ife..
Hi
m: weneedt
ocat
chup:
),whathappened
t
oyourl
ip
Me:
i'
dlov
ethat,
uhm mi
norsi
nkacci
dent
Hi
m:ohokay
Hehandedmehi siPhoneandIdi
aledmy
numberri
ghtaft
erIhandedbackhi
sphone
Kumkanistoodnexttome
Kumkani
:I'
m donewecango
Il
ookedatNi
candhi
sfacesuddenl
ychanged.
[
07/
12,
13:
48]Kunt
a:TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t39

Weal
lwentqui
etf
orawhi
l
eKumkani
lookedat
me
Hi
m:who'
sthi
s?
Me:
ohuhm t
hisi
sNi
c,Ni
cKumkani
Kumkanipull
edouthishandt
oshakeNic'
s
handbutNicjustl
ookedathi
m,t
hentherewas
tensi
on.
Ni
c:Igat
agoEnt
lemyf
ri
endi
spr
obabl
y
wai
ti
ng
Me:
itwasgr
eatseei
ngy
ouagai
n
Hi
m:sameher
ewe'
l
ltal
k
Me:
cool
Hel
ookedatmesi
ncer
elyt
henwal
kedaway
..
Kumkani
:whowast
hat
?
Me:
Nic
Hi
m:andhowdoy
ouknowhi
m?
Me:
hisanol
dfr
iend,
canwegoI
'
m abi
tti
red
Hi
m:mmhokay
,yeahl
et'
sgo
Hegrabbedmyar mthenwewentt ostartwit
h
theshopping,welat
erdrovehomei nsil
enceI
knewKumkani wassuspecti
ngthatNicwas
morethananol dfri
endbutIhadtomakesur e
hedoesn'tgetconfi
rmati
onbecausethings
weregonnagodownr eal
lybad.
Wear r
ivedhomeKumkani tookoutt
hepl asti
cs
from t
hecart henIwenttopackthegroceriesin
thekit
chen, Iwasreal
lyti
redsori
ghtafterthatI
wenttot akeanapwhi l
stKumkaniwentt o
checkthingsonhisclub.
.
..

Iwokeuplat
erthatdayitwasdarkand
Kumkaniwasn'
tbackyet,Iwentt
oswi t
chonal
l
theli
ght
s,mademy sel
fasandwichthen
watchedamovie.
.
At
extcamet
hrough
"
Canyoumeetmetomor
rowsamepl
ace?I
wantt
otakey
ououtf
oradri
nkNi
c"
Ismi
l
edandt
ext
edback
Me:
"i'
l
lseey
out
omor
rowat12"
Iwasnol ongerwat chi
ngTVbutt hinkingabout
Nicandwhatweusedt ohav etoapoi ntthatI
reali
zedInev ergotoverhi m Ij
ustt ri
edhar dto
forgetthef eeli
ngsIhadf orhim,may bethis
wasachancet ounderstandev erythingthat
wentdownbet weenusbutIcoul dn'thaveNi ci
n
myl i
fewhi lekumkani wasst i
llpresentinmi ne
thelastthingIwant edwast odr agNi cin
everyt
hingthatwashappening,
toputhimi n
dangerbutwai taminute.
.whyam Ithi
nki
ngI
sti
ll
hav eachancewi t
hhim?Hecoul dhave
someoneher eal
lyl
ovesinhisl
if
eit'
sbeen
years,supposedl
ythemeet i
ngupisjusta
genuinewayofcat chi
ngup.

Kumkani
satnextt
ome,
Ist
art
led
Me:
Idi
dn'
theary
oucomei
n
Hi
m;becausey
ou'
ret
hinki
ng
Me:NoI
'
m notI
'
mjustconcent
rat
ingont
he
TV
Hi
m:r
eal
l
y?Thenwhat
'st
hismov
ieabout
?
Me:
Okayf
ineI
'
mthi
nki
ng
Hi
m:aboutwhat
?
Me:
thi
swor
kthi
ng
Him: i
t'
sgonnagowel
ldon'
twor
ry,
heyhow
aboutwegoouttomor
row?
Me:
uhm wher
eto?
Hi
m: Idon'
tknowbutwehav
en'
tbeenoutf
ora
whi
lenow
Me: t
hingi
sI'
m ki
ndahel
dupt
omor
rowgat
a
checkafewthi
ngs
Hi
m:okayt
henmay
bel
ater
Me:
Yeah
Hi
m:Iwantust
ogetmar
ri
ed
Il
aughed
Me:
nott
hisagai
n
Hi
m:I
'
m ser
iousMbal
i
e
Me:I
'm notgonnamar
ryy
ouIal
readyt
oldy
ou
t
hat
Hi
m:why
?
Me: becauseI
'
m notinlov
ewi t
hyou,
Ijustdon'
t
hav
eanyr omanti
cfeel
ingsforyou
Hi
m:butIdosomay
bey
oucanl
ear
ntol
ove
met
oo
Me:
i'
ll
gomakey
ousomet
hingt
oeat
Istoodupandwenttotheki
tchen,
madehim
foodthenwentst
rai
ghttomyroom andsl
ept
.
Iwokeupar ound10: 30thefoll
owingmor ni
ng
thenwentt obath, Iworeawhi t
ehi ghwaist
skinnyjean,asleev el
essblacklaceshi
rtand
whiteanklehill
s, styl
edmyhai rthengrabbed
myj acketandkey sandwal kedout.
Iwasst
il
ldri
vi
ngKumkani'scar,
Idr
ovetothe
mall
andlucki
lyar
ri
vedexactl
yat12thenwent
i
n.
WhenIcamet hroughthedoorIcoul dseeNi c
weari
ngrippedsneakyj eanswi t
habl ackT-shi
rt
andastr
ai ghtcapIfel
l i
nl ov
ewi thhi
m allover
agai
nforthehundr edt
ht ime, hesawme
comingthenmetmehal fway. .
Hi
m:Hey
Wehugged
Me:
hey
Hi
m:y
oul
ookbeaut
if
ul:
)
Me:
thanks
Hest
il
lsmel
l
edj
ustasgood
Hi
m:okaysowher
edoy
ouwannago?
Me: t
her
e'sani
cer
est
aur
antr
ightbyt
he
cor
ner
Wewalkedtot
herest
aurantandwentt
ositon
atabl
efort
wo,await
ercamet ot
akeourorder
s
..
Me:
i'
ll
justhav
eacockt
ail
fornow
Ni
c:Abeernoi
ce
Wai
ter:
okayi
'
llber
ightback
Shecamebackwi
thourdr
inks.
.
Nic:t
here'
sjustsomuchIwantt
oasky
oubutI
don'
tknowifthi
sisther
ightt
ime
Me:
ther
e'snot
imebet
tert
hant
his
Het
ookadeepbr
eat
h
Him: i
sthaty
ourboy
fri
endt
haty
ouwer
ewi
th
yest
erday?
Me:
Nohi
smor
eli
keabi
gbr
other
Hi
m:Idon'
tunder
stand
Itoldhi
mt hewhol
est
oryabouthowImet
Kumkani andhi
mtaki
ngmei nandhowhe
helpedme.
Nic:
wowsobasical
l
yyoutur
neddownmy
mom'sof
ferf
oraguyyoudi
dn'
tknowtohel
p
you?
Me:
it'
snotr
eal
l
yli
ket
hat
Hi
m:wel
li
tdoesn'
treal
l
ymat
terany
mor
e
Me: Iguessi
tdoesn'
t,
sodoy
ouhav
ea
gi
rl
fr
iend?
Hi
m: yeahi
'
vebeenseei
ngsomeonef
ora
whi
le
Me:
mmht
hat
'sni
ce
Hel
ookedatme
Me:
what
?
Him: I
'mjustt
ryi
ngt
omakesenseofthe
reasonyoudumpedme,
wasitbecauseoft
he
Kumkani guy?
Me: Noofcoursenot ,
lookthedaybefor
eI
brokeupwit
hy ou,youdidn'
tcal
lmet hewhole
daysoImissedy outhengav ey
ouacal l
lat
er
butsomegir
l answeredyourphoneandsaid
youwerei
nt heshowerso. .
Hi
m:wai
t?Agi
rl
?
Me:
yesagi
rlNi
kho
Hesqui
ntedhi
sgor
geousey
es
Hi
m: f
li
p!I
sthatwhyy
oudumpedme?Coza
gi
rlanswer
edmyphone?
Me: y
esNicIjustgotscaredofyoumovingon
wit
hsomeoneel sewhil
stwewer esti
l
ldati
ng
soIdeci
dedtojustgi
vey ouyourfr
eedom
Hi
m: fi
rst
lyt
hatwasj
ustagir
lCjwasf
ooli
ng
ar
oundwithandyesI
'
m sur
eIwasshoweringI
j
ustdon'
tknowwhysheansweredmyphone
Me:
Cjwentt
odur
ban?
Hi
m:y
eswewer
eroommat
es
Me:
thenwhywasn'
tmynumbersav
ed?
Ni
c:what
?
Me: sheaskedwhoIwast
hensai
dmynumber
wasn'tsav
ed
Nic:okaythisi
sallconfusi
ngme, l
ookIdon't
knowwhatt hatgi
rlsai
dbutIhadnot hi
ngtodo
wit
hherandImeantev erywordtoyouwhenI
sai
dIwoul dnevercheatony ou,
youbrokemy
hear
tjustbecauseofacal l
?Whydidn'tyouask
me
Me:Idon'
tknowokay ?Idon'
tknowbutIknowI
r
egr
ettedi
tafterbuty
ourphonewasonv oi
ce
mai
lwhenIfinall
ywantedtot
alktoy
ou
Hi
m:Ichangedmynumberaf
terIr
eal
i
zedy
ou
real
l
ynol ongerwant
edmeiny
ourl
i
fe,
you
should'
veaskedKhol
ofori
t
It
ookadeepbr
eat
h
Me:may
bey
oual
soshoul
d'
vef
oughtal
i
ttl
ebi
t
mor
e
Him: wawungandif
uniEnt
lewhatwasI
supposedtodo?Begy outol
ovemeagain?
BecauseIfi
guredmay bey
oujustf
ell
outoflov
e
wit
hmei mmedi at
elywhenweweren'
ttoget
her
Me:
Inev
erf
ell
outofl
ovewi
thy
ou
Him: thi
sisfuckedupbutwecan'tplaythe
bl
amegameher ei
thappenedanditchanged
every
thing,weareadult
snowandwel i
ve
di
ffer
entliv
esindiff
erentpl
aces,
surelyt
here'
s
someonewhohasy ourheartnow
Me:
Iguessy
ou'
rer
ight
,nonotr
eal
l
y
Hi
m:whynot
?
Me:afteryouInev
err
eal
l
yhadast
abl
e
r
elat
ionshi
p
Him: t
here'
ssomet
hingIdon'
tgett
hough
aboutthi
sKumkani
Me:
what
?
Hi
m:howhel
ooksaty
ou
Me:
whatabouti
t
Hi
m:hel
ooksaty
oul
i
keapi
eceofmeatEnt
le
Me:
Idon'
tknowwhaty
out
alki
ngabout
Il
ookeddown
Hi
m:wai
tdi
dhedot
hist
oyou?
Me:
what
?
Hi
m:y
ourl
i
p
Me;
Itol
dyouwhathappened
Him:I'
m notst
upi
dsomet
hingi
sgoi
ngonand
yougonnatel
lme
Me: wearenottoget
herany
mor
esoI
'
m not
t
ell
i
ngy ouanyt
hing
Hi
m:Ist
il
lcar
eabouty
ou
Me: I
'mfi
neandhedidn'
tdot
hiscanwet
alk
aboutsomet
hingel
se?
Hebi
thi
slowerl
i
p
Hi
m: r
ememberwhenweusedtosayourl
ove
i
sfor
everal
way
shasbeenandal
wayswill
be
Me:
YeahIr
emember
Him:IthoughtIwasov eryoubutnowthatI'
ve
metyouagainit'
s.
."hesighed"Isti
l
lloveyou
andmay beIneverstoppedEntl
eIknowmay be
nowthere'
snochanceofusbutIdon' tknow
Me: If
eelthesamewaybutI'
m atapointinmy
l
ifewhereIcan'
tdr
agyouinwit
hme, besides
youhavesomeoneinyourl
if
e
Hi
m: i
'
v enev
erl
ovedanyoneelseasmuchasI
l
ovedyouandst
il
ldoapparent
ly
Het
ouchedmyhand
Me: youwereal
waysdownformeIcan'
tfor
get
al
lthethi
ngsyoudidf
orme,thel
oveand
memor i
esweshared.
.it
'sf
unnyt
hataft
eral
l
theseyearsseei
ngyourepl
ayedev
ery
thi
ngal
l
overagaininmyhead.
Him: I
'
m gonnabeheref
orl
ikeamonthcanwe
usethi
sti
mewi sel
yandj
ustfi
gur
eever
ythi
ng
out
?Please
Me:
Isupposet
hatcoul
dwor
k
Hesmil
edandIr
ememberedhowhisdimples
al
waysstol
emyhear
tov
erandoveragain.

I
twasbyFat
ethatCooperwasi
nmyLi
feagai
n.
[
07/
12,
13:
48]Kunt
a:TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t40

Weorder
edf
oodt
hencont
inuedt
ryi
ngt
ocat
ch
up.
.
Ni
c:Youraccentdoesn'
tseem t
ogoaway
Me:
Idon'
tthi
nki
twi
l
lev
ergoaway
Hi
m:t
hat
'sagoodt
hingbecausei
tssexy
Ismi
l
ed
Me:
whathappenedt
oKhol
o?
Hel
ookedner
vous
Hi
m: uhm Ihaven'
tseenherf
orawhi
l
e,butshe
al
somovedt oEastLondon
Me:
mmhsoy
oudon'
ttal
kany
mor
e
Hi
m: wedobuthar
dly
,notl
i
keweusedt
owhy
ar
eyouaski
ngmeabouther
Me:
Becauseshewasmybestf
ri
endandy
ou
t
wogrewuptoget
her
Heclear
edhisthroatIcoul
dseet al
ki
ngabout
Khol
omadehi m uncomf or
tablesoIsuspect
ed
maybetheyweren'tcl
oseany more
Hi
m:whathappenedbet
weeny
out
wo?
Me:wejustdri
ft
edapartt
hensuddenl
y
st
oppedcal
li
ngeachother
Hi
m:t
hat
'sashame
Me:
Yeah
Hi
m:doy
ouhav
eanyf
ri
endsar
ound?
Me:
usedt
obutKumkani
.
."Ikeptqui
et"
Ni
c:whatdi
dhedo?
Me: not
hing,I
'
m al
wayswit
hhi
m soIendedup
nothavi
ngtimeforf
ri
ends
Hi
m: that
'soddt
hough,
whati
sthedeal
wit
h
t
hisguyEntl
e?
Me; NikhoIcan'tmakeyoupartoft
histheway
Ilov
ey ouIjustcan'
tputyout
hroughsomet hi
ng
l
ikethisIt
houghtwecouldhangoutal i
ttl
ebit
morebutifKumkani fi
ndsoutaboutme
meetingyouitsgonnabeabigdeal sowecan't
meetagain
Him: I
'
m notgonnaloseyouagai
n,notnowthat
Iknowy oust
il
lfeel
somethi
ngformeIdon't
carewhatthi
sguyisgonnasay
Me:
youdon'
tcar
eaboutwhathe'
l
ldot
ome?
Hi
m:sohedi
dbeaty
ouup?
Me:hedi
dn'
t,
hej
ustpushedmeagai
nstt
he
door
Him:samedif
fer
ence,ent
lewhendidyou
becamethi
sgi
rlwhosettl
esforshi
t?
Me:Hewasfami
l
ytomeNic,t
heonl
yfami
l
yI
hadheal
way
shadmyback.
Hi
m:Igetthatandnowyouf
eel
li
key
ouowe
hi
mri
ght?Butyoudon'
t
Me: y
oudon'tunder
stand,i
fIconti
nuet
osee
youhe'
ll
kil
lyou,meort hebothofus
Ni
claughed
Hi
m: t
hatdoesn'
tscar
emebutwhatI'
m
wor
ri
edaboutisyouwhydon'
tyoul
eave?
Me:
Iwantt
obuthewon'
tl
etme
Ni
c: t
ell
mewhatt hedealiswi
tht
hisguyi
she
agangsterorsomet
hing?
Il
ookedatmywr
istwat
ch
Me:
Ihav
etogoNi
c
Hi
m: soheal
sokeepst
rackofy
ourti
me,
al
mostseemsli
keyout
woaremarri
ed
WhenIl
ookedawayhesai
d..
Nic:Don'
ttel
lmehewant
stomar
ryy
ou(
he
sai
ditasajoke)
ButwhenhesawIdi
dn'
tl
augh
Hi
m:y
ouhavegatt
obeki
ddingme,hewant
s
t
omar
ryy
ou?Wowokaythat
'sni
ce
Igav
ehi
m adeat
hst
aret
hent
ookmybag
Me:
Ihav
etogo
Ni
c:l
etmewal
kyouout
Heal
sostoodupandpaidthebi
ll
thenwe
wal
kedouttot
heparki
nglot,
Iunl
ockedt
hecar
Ni
c:i
sthaty
ourcar
?
Me:
Kumkani
'
s
Hi
m:shoul
d'
veguessed
Me:
whati
sthatsupposedt
ome?
Hi
m:y
ouknowwhati
tmeans
Me:
ohokayt
hat
'squi
teof
fensi
ve
Iopenedt
hedoorandgoti
n
Hi
m:het
aughty
ouhowt
odr
iver
ight
Me:
Ial
readyknewhowt
odr
ive
Hi
m: IknowbutImeanl
i
ket
hepr
operwayso
t
haty
ougetalicense
Me:
yes,
canwest
opt
alki
ngabouthi
m pl
ease
Hi
m:Fi
neCanIseey
out
omor
rowev
eni
ng?
Me:
i'
ll
see
Hi
m:okayFr
idayni
ghtt
hen
Me:
sur
e
Hi
m:i
'
llcal
lyou
Hebentandki
ssedmycheek
Me:
thanksf
ort
his
Him:ImissedyouMbal
ent
lei
'
vebeenmi
ssi
ng
youal
ltheseyear
s
Me: andI
'
vebeenempt
yev
ersi
ncewi
thout
you
Ist
art
edt
heengi
net
henl
ookedathi
m
Hi
m:y
ou'
rest
il
lcr
azyaboutmeai
n'
tyou?
Me:
whydoy
ouaskt
hat
?
Hi
m:becauset
hat
'showyouusedt
olookat
mewhenweweretoget
her
Ismi
l
ed
Me:
Bye
HelaughedasIdr
ov eaway
,Icouldn'
tst
op
smil
ingint
hecarIfeltl
i
keateenageral
lov
er
agai
n.
Iarr
ivedhomeandKumkani
waswat
chi
ng
soccer
Me:
hi
Hi
m:hey
Iwentt
oputawaymybagandchangedt
hen
cameandwatchedTVwi
thhi
m
Hi
m:sohowwasy
ourday
?
Me:
itwasokay
,your
s?
Him:mi
netoo,you'
regl
owi
ngitalmostl
ooks
l
ikey
ou'
resohappyfort
hefi
rstt
imeinalong
t
ime
Me:
isi
t?I
tmustbet
hej
obt
hing
Hel
aughed
Hi
m:okayEnt
le
Myey eswentwideopen,Noonehasever
call
edmeEnt l
ebutNicevenmyfri
endsbacki
n
highschool
didn'
tusethatname.
Me:
whatdi
dyousay
?
Hi
m:Ent
lei
sther
esomet
hingwr
ong?
Me: uhm nobuty
ounev
ercal
l
edmet
hat
bef
ore
Him: ohthi
ngissinceyourf
riendf r
om
yest
erdayusedit
,Ithoughtmay beitwasa
t
hingfrom hi
ghschool t
hatyouliked
Me:
pleasedon'
tcal
lmet
hatagai
n
Hi
m:why
?Youdon'
tl
ikei
t?
Me:
No.
.Idon'
t
Hi
m:mmhokay
,youhungr
y
Me:
No
Hi
m:y
ouat
e?
Me:
yes
Hel
ookedatme
Hi
m:wher
e?
Me: r
eall
y?Sonowy ougonnaaskmeever
y
det
ailofever
ythi
ngIdo?HayKumkani
Hi
m:Iwasj
ustaski
ng
Me:
mmh
Hi
m:Iwanty
out
oknowsomet
hing
Me:
what
'
sthat
?
Him: I
fthatNicdar estoev encomebet weenus
i
'l
lendhi m, hi
sy ourext hat'syourpastli
fehe
can'tbeiny ourfuture.Ifyoudar etoevengo
beyondwhatI '
mt ell
ingy ouorseehi m agai
ni'
ll
ki
llhim, t
hiswasy ourl astdaymeet i
ngupwith
him soit'
supt oy ouMbal ieifyouchooseto
continueseeinghi m andhedi esoryoucancut
al
lcont actswithhim pr etendlikeyounevermet
andhecanl iv
e.
"Thenhesmil
edli
kewhathewassay
inga
normalandsanet
hing"

Iswal
l
owedhar
d!!
[
07/
12,
20:
31]Kunt
a:TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t41
Il
ookedathi
m
Kumkani
:yousur
eyou'
renothungr
y?
Me:
I'
m mov
ingout
Istoodupandwentupstair
stomyr oom and
start
edtakingall
mystuf
ffrom t
heclosetwhen
Kumkani enter
edther
oom.
Him:it
'sy
ourBi
rt
hdayi
naf
ewweeksy
ou
know
AsIwast aki
ngoutmyst
uffhewasput
ti
ng
them backin
Me:what'
syourpr
obl
em Kumkani
?Whatdo
youwantf
rom me?
Hi
m: Ij
ustwantt
hingst
ogobackt
othesame
wayt
heywereMbalie
Me: t
heywon't
!Gett
hatt
hroughy
ourheadand
I'
ml eavi
ngki
llmeify
ouwantbutI'
m notgonna
stayhereanymore
Hi
m:y
ouknowi
'
llnev
erhur
tyouIl
ovey
ouway
t
oomuchbutIwi
l
lanyhowendt
het
hingt
hat
'
s
t
rynat
akey
ouawayfr
om me.
Me: Not
hingi
str
yingt
otakemeawayIj
ust
wanttol
ivebymysel
f
Him: l
ookIknowhowt hesethi
ngswork,
you
mov eoutt
hengetbackwi t
hyourexhemost
probabl
ybreaksyourhear
tandIpromi
sednot
toeverl
etanythi
nghappentoyou.
It
ookadeepbr
eat
handsatont
hebed
Me:whyareyoumaki
ngthi
ngsdi
ff
icul
tforme?
Youwantmetogoinj
ail
wit
hyouwheny oudo?
Somuchforl
ovi
ngme
Him:Iwon'
tgotoj
ail
neitherwi
ll
you,Iwant
yout
ostayher
eandthinkaboutmarr
yingme
Me:
I'
m notr
eadyf
ormar
ri
age
Hi
m:i
t'
sokaywecanwai
tunt
ily
ou'
rer
eady
Me: whati
fI'
m nev
ergonnaber
eadyt
omar
ry
you?
Him:thenwegetmar
ri
edany
wayev
ery
one'
s
happy:)
Ikeptqui
et
Hi
m: Mbali
eify
oumov eoutmakesur
eyour
l
it
tl
eboyf
ri
endisoutoft
hecountr
y
Me:
arey
out
hreat
eni
ngme?
Hesmi
l
ed
Hi
m: no,
nowbeagoodgi
rlandputbacky
our
cl
othesinthecl
oset
.
Me:
I'
m goi
ngout
.
Itookmykey
sandwalkedpassedhi
m,he
foll
owedmedownst
air
s
Hi
m:wher
ear
eyougoi
ng?
Me:
Idon'
tknowIneedai
r
Iwalkedoutt
hemaindoor,
openedt
hegar
age
thengoti
nthecaranddr
oveoff.
.
Ididn'tknowwhereIwasgoi
ngIjustneededto
breathe,Ineededt
obeawayfrom Kumkanifor
abi
t.
Ispott
edaliquorshopnextt
other
oad,Ipar
ked
thecarandwentinsidet
obuyabott
leofvodka
thenIwentbacktothecar.
Ikeptdrinki
ngfrom thebot
tl
eIdi
dn'tevenfeel
thebit
tertaste,
Idri
v etoat
att
ooparlorandthe
guywasal r
eadyabouttocl
osebutImanaged
toconvincehimt otatt
oome.
Idi
dat at
tooofstar
sfal
li
ngfrom myneckdown
tomyback,itwasn'
tpai
nful
ormay bei
t'
s
becauseIwasdrunk.
.
Heinst
ruct
edmeonwhattodofori
ttoheal
soonandwhatnott
henpai
dandlef
t.
Aft
erdri
v i
ngaroundforawhil
eIfel
tthatIwas
get
tingtoodrunksoIdrovebackhome,whenI
gotinKumkani wassit
ti
ngonthelounge
watchi
ngTVIwentst rai
ghtupstai
rsandtooka
l
ongbatht henwenttobed.
Thef ol
lowingdayKumkani
wokemeupwi
th
breakfast
Me:
youknowIdon'
teatbr
eakf
ast
Hi
m: I'
m sur
eyouneedt
hisaf
terl
astni
ght
'
s
dr
ink
Me:howdoy
ouknowIwasdr
inki
ngl
ast
ni
ght
?
Hi
m: becausey
oul
efty
ourv
odkai
ntheki
tchen
t
abl
e
Me:
I'
m sor
ryaboutt
hatImusthav
efor
got
ten
i
t
Hi
m: noprobl
em buty
ouknowIdon'
tl
ikei
t
whenyoudri
nk
Me:
that
'swhyI
'
m say
ingsor
ry
It
ookt
het
rayf
rom hi
shandandst
oodup
Me:
I'
m nothungr
y
Hi
m:pl
easeeat
Myphoner
ang.
.
Ianswereditandgott
hebestnewsofmyl i
fe,
I
gotthejobIwassoexcit
edthatIcoul
dn'
teven
waittoputthephonedownandscream.
Kumkani
:what
'sup?
Me:
Igott
hej
ob(Iwasj
umpi
ngar
ound)
Hi
m:t
hat
'sr
eal
l
ygr
eatIknewy
ouwoul
d
HehuggedmeandIbr
oket
hehug
Me: uhm I
'
m gonnaneedt
ogoandsor
tsome
t
hingsoverther
e
Hi
m:okayl
aterI
'
mtaki
ngy
ouout
Ismil
edthenwenttobath,
IworeawhiteT-
shi
rtandBluej
eanswit
hmyallstar
sthenti
ed
myhairup.
WhenIwaswal
ki
ngout
..
Kumkani
:wai
twai
tcomeher
e
Iwentt
ohi
mfor
get
ti
ngIhadat
att
oo
Me:
what
?
Hi
m:t
urnar
ound
It
urnedt
henhepul
l
eddownmyt
'shi
rt
Hi
m:what
'st
his?
Ir
emember
edwhenhet
ouchedi
tandIf
eltt
he
st
ing
Me: don'
ttouchi
t,i
t'
sat
att
ooIev
enf
orgott
hat
Igotone
Hi
m:si
ncewhenar
eyouaf
anoft
att
oos?
Me:
youknowIl
ovear
t
Hi
m:Idi
dn'
tknowy
oul
ovedi
tony
ourbody
Me:
wel
lIdo,
byeI
'
m gonnabel
ate
Hi
m:okaydon'
tfor
getwehav
eadat
e
Me:wedon'thav
eadat
ewegoi
ngout(
I
wal
kedout
)
Idrovetoworktosubmitafewthi
ngsthatt
hey
needed,Iwasgoingtostar
twor
kingt
he
fol
lowingMondayIwassoexcit
ed.
Ir
ecei
vedacal
lfr
om Ni
c..
Me:
IthoughtIt
oldy
ounott
ocal
lme
Hi
m:Hel
l
otoy
out
oo
Me:
whatdoy
ouwantNi
c?
Hi
m:Ineedt
oseey
ou
Me:
why
?
Hi
m:i
'
llt
ell
youwhenIseey
ou
Me:
Okayf
inewher
e?Idon'
thav
eenought
ime
Hi
m:i
'
llt
exty
out
headdr
ess
Hedr oppedthephone,wit
hinafewmi nut
esI
drovetotheaddressandarri
vedinfr
ontofa
buil
dingwhichlookedl
ikeoffi
ces.
Idrovei
nsi
dethepar
kingthatwasonthe
groundf
loor
,whenIgotinsi
deIcal
ledNi
cand
hecamedown.
Igotof
fthecarwhenIsawhi
m comi
ng
Hi
m:hey
Me:
hey
Wehugged
Me:
sowhat
'sup?
Hi
m:Ijustwant
edt
oseey
ouIcoul
dn'
twai
tfor
t
omor
row
Me:seri
ousl
yNic?Youknowwecan'tkeep
meet
ingupli
kethi
sKumkanial
readyknowsI
wasoutwit
hyouyester
day
Hi
m:sowhathi
sfol
l
owi
ngy
ounow?
Me:Idon'
tknowbutwhat
everhi
sdoi
ngwi
l
lget
usbot
hintr
oubl
e
Him: whatmakesyouthinkI
'
m scaredofhim?
I
'm nolongerNi
cfr
om highschoolanymoreI'
m
amanEnt le
Me:
Icanseet
hatbutKumkani
isdanger
ous
Him:andI
'm sur
ehealreadytol
dyout
ost
ay
awayfr
om meori'l
ldi
eright
?
Il
ookedaway
Him: If
igur
ed,
Iknowpeopl
elikehi
m andI
won'tst
opseei
ngyounomat t
erwhatyou
say.
.ohbythewaythi
siswher
ewor kf
ornow
Me:it
'snice,Ial
sogotacal
lthatIgott
hej
ob
t
odayIjustcamef r
om t
heoffi
ce
Hesmi
l
ed
Hi
m:t
hat
'sr
eal
l
ygr
eat
Hecamecl oseandhuggedmet henheslowl
y
camecl oseandkissedme,Ihesit
atedki
ssi
ng
him backatfir
stbutIev
entual
lygavein.
Ihadf or
gottenhowgreathekissedandhow
softhisl
ipswere,wekissedunti
lhepushedme
againstthecar.
.
Ibr
oket
heki
ss
Me:
wecan'
tdot
his
Hi
m:whynot
?
Me:
you'
rewi
thsomeone
Hi
m:pl
easeshutup,
i'
vemi
ssedy
ourl
i
psf
or
al
most4year
scanIhav
ethi
smomenti
n
peace?
Igiggledthenal
lowedhimtokissmeagai n,
Nic'sbodywasr eal
l
yfir
my oucouldtel
lhe
wor kedoutalotwhichmadeitimpossi
blefor
menott orunmyhandsalloverhi
m.
Hi
m:don'
tyouwannaseemycar
?
Me:
now?
Hepickedmeupandcarri
edmet otheot
her
si
dewhi chlookedl
i
keapr
ivat
eparki
ng,t
he
wereonlytwocars.
Me:
whi
chonei
syour
?
Hi
m:t
heMer
cedes
Heplacedmeont
opofi
tthencamei
nbet
ween
mylegs
Il
ookedathi
m
Me:youdi
dn'
twantmetoseey
ourcary
ouj
ust
want
edmeheredi
dn'
tyou?
Hesmil
edt
henki
ssedme,hi
shandsplay
edon
myBoobsi
twasal
mostl
ikehesti
l
lknewhow
t
otur
nmeon.
Heslowl
ykissedmyneckt
henev
eryv
eini
nmy
bodywentweak..
[
07/
12,
20:
34]Kunt
a:TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t42

Whenhewasaboutt
otakemyT-
shi
rtoutI
pul
l
edback
Me:
Ican'
tdot
his
Ni
c:whywhat
'swr
ong?
Me: Idon'twantt
ohur tmysel
f,l
ookIst
il
ll
ove
youandsl eepi
ngwithyouwill
wakeevery
f
eeli
ngt hathaseverbeenbetweenus
Hi
m:what
'swr
ongwi
tht
hatEnt
le?
Me:
you'
regonnagobackt
oyourgi
rl
fr
iendi
n
East
ernCapeNi
cthenwhat
?
Hel
ookedatme
Hi
m:y
ouknowI
'
m st
il
li
nsaneabouty
ou
Me:i
tdoesn'
tchangeany
thi
ngt
hough,
ourl
i
ves
ar
ebot
htoocompl i
cat
ed
Him:Iknow,canIatl
easthel
pyouwi
tht
his
Kumkaniguy
Me:Noy
oucan'
thel
pmebutgety
our
sel
f
ki
l
led
Hi
m:Iwantt
o
Igotdownf
rom t
hecarbonnett
henf
ixed
myself
Me:
NoNi
kho,
Ihav
etogo
Hel
ookedatme
Me:
don'
tgi
vemet
hatl
ook
Hi
m: youbrokemyhear
tonceandy
ouwanna
doi
tagain
Me:
whatdoy
ouwantmet
odo?
Hi
m:gi
veusachance
Me:
andy
ourgi
rl
Hi
m:Icansor
tthatout
Me: t
henwhathappenswheny
ougobackt
o
East
ernCape?
Him:aft
ert womonthsyoucanaskfora
tr
ansf
erthenwor ki
nEastLondonorqui
tthen
getaj
obt herei
twon'tbehar
d
Me:Idon'
tknowNic,i
'l
lhav
etothi
nkaboutthis
whol
ethi
ngbutfi
rstIneedt
osetthi
ngsstr
aight
wi
thKumkani
Hi
m:pl
easet
ell
meev
ery
thi
ngabouthi
m
Me: onl
yifyouswearony
ourl
i
fet
haty
ou'
l
l
keepitt
oy our
sel
f
Hi
m:Iswear,
youcant
rustme
It
oldhi
m ev
ery
thi
ng,
thewhol
edr
ugbusi
ness.
.
Ni
c:y
ou'
vegatt
ogetoutoft
her
eMbal
ent
leor
el
sey
ou'
l
lendupi
njai
l
Me: I
'
mtry
ingtobutit
'snotaseasyasyou
t
hink,
hewil
lneverl
etmegot hateasy
Him:whataboutthemar
ri
aget hi
ng?Whatar
e
yougonnadoifheget
spersi
stent
?
Me:Idon'
tknowNikhoI
'
m st
il
ltr
ynaf
igur
ea
pl
anfr
om al
lofthi
s
Hi
m:comewi
thmet
oEast
ernCape
Me:youmeanr
unaway
?He'
l
lfi
ndust
hen
what
?
Him: Idon'tmeanrunawaylike..Idon'
tknow
butwe'll
figureoutsomet
hingneh?Iwon' tlet
hi
mr uinev er
ythi
ngyou'
vewor kedhardfor
Hehel
dbot
hmyhands
Me:
Idon'
twantt
omakey
oupar
toft
his
Hi
m:Ial
readyam
Heheldmyhandt
henwewal
kedbackt
othe
car
,Igoti
n..
Ni
c:y
ougotat
att
oo?
Ms:
yeahy
est
erday
Hel
eanedandl
ookedati
t
Hi
m:i
t'
sreal
l
yni
ce:
)
Me;
Isawy
ougotaf
ewmor
eyour
sel
f
Hi
m:i
t'
sli
keanaddi
cti
on,
justl
i
key
ou
Ismi
l
ed
Me:i
'
llseey
ouwhenIcan,
butitcan'
tbe
t
omorr
owbecausehe'
l
lbesuspi
cious
Hi
m: wearenotgonnakeepsneaki
ngl
i
ke
t
eenager
sEntl
ei'
ll
seeyoutomorrow
Me:
Okayf
ine
HekissedmycheekthenIdrovebackhome,
whenIarri
vedKumkaniwasn'thomebutSi
s
pumezawast her
ecl
eaning.
Igreet
edherthenwenttowatchTV,
She
cookedthenbroughtmefood.
.
Me:
Thanks,
ain'
tyoueat
ingwena?
Her:I
'
lleatwhenIgethomeIdi
shedupf
or
mysel
fit'
slat
e
Me:
Icandr
ivey
oubackhomet
hough
Her:
it'
sokaymyl
ovet
her
ear
est
il
ltaxi
s
Shef
ini
shedwit
hwhatshewasdoi ngthenl
eft
,
Kumkanicamei
naf
terIfi
nishedeati
ng.
Hesatnextt
ome
Hi
m:howwasy
ourday?
Me:
itwasokay
,yourf
oodi
sint
heov
en
Hi
m:i
'
lleatl
atert
hanks
Me:
howwaswor
k?
Hi
m:y
ousmel
ldi
ff
erent
Me:
what
?
Hi
m:y
ousmel
ldi
ff
erent
Me: don'
tyouf
indi
tcr
eepyt
haty
oual
sokeep
t
rackofhowIsmell
Het
urnedandl
ookedatme
Hi
m:No,
what
'st
his?
Hehel
dmyneck
Me:
what
?
Hefur i
ousl
ystoodupthenpai
nfull
yheldmy
arm anddraggedmet othemi
rrorthatwas
hangingonthehallway
Hi
m:whati
sthi
sshi
tMbal
i
e
I
twasal ov
ebi
te,
yepNi
cgav
emeahi
ckyandI
di
dn'
tfeeli
t
Me:Idon'tknowitcoul
dbeabi
teorsomet
hing,
whyar
ey ouliket
his?
Hi
m:I
'
m notst
upi
dMbal
i
e
Me:whydoesi
tmat
terwhatt
hisi
s?You'
renot
myf
ather
Hi
m: f
ir
stl
yyousmell
li
keamanandy
ouhav
ea
l
ovebi
teMbalent
le
Me:
sowhatwear
enotmar
ri
edKumkani
!
Hepushedmei nt
othemir
rorandIbrokei
twi
th
myforehead,
Bloodimmediat
elyr
asheddown
myface.
Isl
owl
ysatdownandheldmyf orehead,
Kumkani
tur
nedandkneelednexttome
Hi
m:I
'
m soosor
ryMbal
i
e
Me:
Donott
ouchme!
Hi
m:y
ou'
rehur
t,I
'
m sor
ryIdi
dn'
tmeant
o..
IstoodupbutIfel
tabi
tdi
zzythensatdown
again,
myforeheadwasbur
ning
Hi
m:I
'
mtaki
ngy
out
othehospi
tal
Hepickedmeupt henwentwithmet ocarand
hedrovetothehospit
al,whenwegotthereI
wascleanedthecutsthengi
venpil
l
s..t
henurse
tol
dmet osleepforafewhours.
.

Iwokeupafewhourslat
erandcal
ledNic,
Kumkaniwasn'
tther
esoIfi
gurehelef
tItwas
real
l
ylat
esoIthoughtNi
cwoul
dn'
tpi
ckupt
he
phonebuthedi
d.
Hi
m:Ent
lewhat
'
swr
ong?
Me:
cany
oucomet
othehospi
tal
Hi
m:whathappened?
Mybat
ter
ydi
ed
Me:
great
!
Anur
sewal
kedi
n
Her:
heyhowar
eyouf
eel
i
ng?
Me:
I'
m okay
Her:
yougonnakeepgett
ingminorheadaches
f
orawhil
ebutthecuti
sn'
tser
ious
Me:
Thanky
ou,
canIgo?
Her:y
es,y
ourhusbandsai
dhe'
l
lbebackt
o
fet
chyouyoushoul
dcal
lhi
m wheny
ouwake
up
Il
aughed
Me:
myhusbandneh,
okayt
hanks
Shel
eftandi
mmedi
atel
yNi
cwal
kedi
n
Hi
m:whatt
hehel
lhappened
Me:Idi
dn'
tthi
nky
ou'
dknowwhi
chhospi
tal
I'
m
at
Hi
m:Mbal
ent
le!
Me: hepushedmeint
oamir
rornot
hingser
ious
Ij
ustneedyoutodr
ivemet
oaB&Bor
somethi
ng
Hi
m:not
hingser
ious?Thenwhyar
eyouher
e
Me:
hebr
oughtmeher
e,canwegopl
ease
Hi
m:whydi
dhepushy
ou?
Me: hesawthel
ovebi
teandIsmel
l
edl
i
key
ou
apparent
ly
Hi
m:I
'
m gonnaki
l
lthatsonofabi
tch!
Me:
Nic?Pl
easecanwej
ustgo
Kumkani
ent
eredt
her
oom exact
lywhenNi
c
washel
pingmegetup
Kumkani
:Iseey
ou'
reawake:
)
Nicwasf umi
ngwi thangerthathewentstrai
ght
tohim andpunchedhimr i
ghtinthefacethen
pushedhimtowar dsthewall,
butthesecuri
ti
es
cameinandhel dbothofthem.
Ididn'
tev
enknowwhattodoIj
ustwentweak,
I
stoodupandl
eftt
hem bot
hint
heroom..
Ni
cranaf
terme
Me:doyouwantdi
e?Huhdoy
ou?Whatt
he
f
uckNic?
Hi
m:hecan'
tj
ust
..
Me: NoNikho!Idon'twanttoberesponsi
ble
forgetti
ngy ouintothi
sshitnowKumkaniwill
nev err
estuntil
y oupayanditwon'tbeapunch
trustme,thanky ouforst
andingupformebut
pleasejust..
Hepul
l
edmecl
oset
ohi
mthent
ight
lyhugged
me
Him:i
t'
sokayEntl
eImeantitwhenIsaidwe'
ll
bot
hfi
guret
hisout,
i'
ll
kil
lhi
mf i
rsti
fIhavet
o
Wewenttosi
tint
hechai
rsout
side.
.Kumkani
wal
kedout
Hi
m:Mbal
i
eher
ear
eyourpi
l
lsl
et'
sgo
Nicwasaboutt
osaysomethingwhenI
squeezedhi
shandandhekeptqui
et
Me: Jénnever
ypasvowsf
air
érmal
(Idon'
t
wantyoutogethur
t)
Hi
m:J'
ail
édos(
Ihav
eyourback)
Ismi
l
ed
Me:
Bye
Ni
c:By
e
Kumkanihel
dmyhandandwewal kedbackt
o
hi
scar,whenIt
urnedandlookedatNichewas
bowi
nghisheadbetweenhislegs
Kumkani
:geti
nMbal
ent
le!
Igoti
nsi
det
hecarhesl
ammedt
hedoort
hen
dr
oveof
f.
.
[
07/
12,
20:
34]Kunt
a:TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t43

Wear
ri
vedhomeandIwentst
rai
ghttomy
r
oom,webothwer
en'
ttal
ki
ngtoeachot
her
.
Ij
ustwantedtogetoutofKumkani
'sli
febefor
e
somethi
ngreal
lybadhappenedtoei
therofus,I
wasundercoverspl
ayi
ngwi t
hmyphonewhen
heknockedIi
gnoredhim sohej
ustcamei n
andsatnextt
ome.
Kumkani
:I'
m sor
ryaboutwhathappened
Me:Ij
ustwanttosl
eepKumkani
I'
mreal
l
yti
red
andi
t'
s2am i
nthemorni
ng
Hi
m:IknowbutIj
ustwanty
out
ofor
giv
eme
Me:
itdoesn'
tmat
terev
eni
fIdon'
t
Hi
m:Mbal
i
eyou'
vebeenl
i
vingwi
thmef
or
year
sandIneverhur
tyouit
sjustthatIdon'
t
wantyoutomakechoicest
hataregonnacome
backandbit
eyou
Me:Ial
readymadethosewi t
hy ousodon't
wor
ryaboutme,youhurtmef orthesecond
t
imenowandIcan'tst
ayher eandwai tf
oryou
t
obeatmeupt oahospital
bed.
Him: i
'
dneverdothat,Idi
dn'
tknowyoucoul
d
speakanot
herlanguagewhatwasit
?
Il
ookedathi
m..
Me:
closet
hedoorony
ourwayout
Him:uhm l
ookI
'm goi
ngawayf ortheweekend
cany
oupleasel
ookaftert
hingsforme
Me:
Itol
dyouI
'
m mov
ingout
Him:pl
easeMbal
i
eyouar
efr
eet
ogowhenI
comeback
Isi
ghed.
.
Hi
m:Imeani
t,nowI
'
m st
art
ingt
oreal
i
zei
t
doesn'
thelpkeepingyouhereifall
youwantis
tobeouttherejustdon'
tcomer unningbackt
o
mewhent hingsturnoutbadforyou
Me: Idi
dn'
tneedy ourper
missi
oninthefi
rst
pl
aceKumkani andIknowy ougonnafuckthi
s
upformeifIl
eav e
Him:i
t'
seasystaythent
hatwayev
ery
oney
ou
car
eaboutissafe
Me:
howl
ongar
eyougonnadot
his?
Hi
m:j
ustunt
ilImar
ryy
ou
Me:
Iwi
l
lnev
erl
ovey
oul
i
key
ouwantmet
o
Hi
m:we'
l
lsee,
soy
oust
il
lwannamov
eout?
Me:
cany
oul
eav
eNi
coutoft
his
Hi
m:t
hatbast
ardpunchedmeIwon'
t
Me: soi
treal
l
ydoesn'
tmatt
eri
fIli
veorst
ay
ei
therwaynoonei
ssafefr
om you
Him:don'
tmakemeamonst erMbali
e,I
'
m
doi
ngthi
sforusandourf
utur
ekids
Il
aughed
Me: y
ou'r
emor edel
usi
onalthanIthought,my
headhurt
spleasegoandtakey ourcarkeysI
don'
twantitanymor
ethanky ouforeveryt
hing
butt
his?No
Him: Soy oudon'
twantt hecaranymoreand
you'
remov i
ngout?I'
dliketoseethathappen,
thi
ngshappeny ouknowEnt l
e?Yourfri
end
what'shisnameagai n?Nicri
ght?Yeshim he
couldvanishwit
hinadaywhoknowsmay behis
carwill
losecontr
ol orbrakefai
l
ureoreven
worsehecoul dburninhisapartment.
Me: don'
tyoudaret
ouchhim ori
'l
lnev
er
for
giveyouIwi
llmakesur
ey ouroti
njai
l
Kumkani
Hi
m: you'
reanungrat
eful
lil
bitchai
n'
tyou?
Af
terever
ythi
ngi
'v
edonef oryou
Me;
I'
m wi
l
li
ngt
opayy
ouf
oral
lthat
Hi
m:Idon'
twanty
ourmoneyIwanty
ou
Hest
oodup
Him:thi
nkaboutourmar
ri
agef
ornowi
'
llsee
younextweek.
.
Hel eanedandki ssedmyf oreheadt henhe
walkedout ,
Ihel dapill
owandst ar
tedcr yingI
didn'tknowwhatt odoandt hewasnoonet o
blamebutmef orthemessIputmy selfinbutI
didn'tknowt hingswoul dturnouthowt heydi d,
therewasn' tanyopendi scussiontoj udgeme
becauseIdi dwhatIt houghtwasr ightatt he
ti
meandi tt
urnedoutt hehar dwayy esl esson
l
ear ntbutIknewIcoul dn'
tjustlethim wi n,Ihad
touseev eryt
hingKumkani t
aughtmeagai nst
him.
Iwipedmyt ear
sandt ol
dmy selfcryi
ngwon' t
getthi
ngsdonef ormeitwasj ustti
meIt r
iedto
sabotageKumkani nomatterhowhar ditwas
gonnabe, hemighthavehelpedmebutIdi dn'
t
owehi m any
thi
ngmor eespeciall
ymyl i
fe.
If
ell
asl
eep.
.
Iwokeupt hefol
l
owingmorningwi
thaheavy
headacheItookpai
nkil
l
ersthenwenttobed
agai
nt henwokeupagaini
ntheaft
ernoon.
.
I
twasaChi l
lydayandKumkani '
shousej ust
wentdull
,i
tfeltcol
dandIwasallIalone,Iwent
downstai
rstomakemy selfsomethi
ngt oeat
whenIsawhi snoteonthefri
dgewritt
en" i
'
llbe
backbefor
ey ouknowittakecar
exoxo"
Itookitandthr
ewiti
nthebeent
henwar
med
foodformy sel
f.
Iwat chedmov iesall
daysleepi
ngi nt hecouch, I
wasdoi ngal otofthi
nkingIknewIcoul dn't
blackmailKumkani abouthisdrugbusi ness
becausepr obabil
it
ywast hatImightgodown
withhim soIhadt othinkofsomet hingel se,
thatdaymademer eali
zehowl onelyIwas, how
l
onel yI'
vebeenev ersinceImethim. .
Hemademeshutevery
onefr
om myli
fej
ustso
hecoul
dbemyever
ythi
ngandmaybehe
wantedittobeimpossi
bleformetobewi t
hout
hi
m sincehewasallIhadthat'
swhyhewasso
angr
yt hatNicwasbackinmylif
eitr
uinedhis
pl
anst hat'
swhyhestar
tedtoactso
aggr
essi v
e.
Myphoner
ang..
Me:
Hel
l
o
Ni
c:heyhowdoy
ouf
eel
Me:
Ihadaheadacheear
li
erbutI
'
m goodnow
Hi
m:good,
arey
oubusy
?
Me:
notr
eal
l
y
Hi
m:comeov
eri
'
llsendy
oumyaddr
ess
Me:
Idon'
tknowi
fIcan
Hi
m:pl
ease
Me:
Okay
Wet al
kedabitt
henIhangup,atextcamein
aft
erthatwi
thhi
saddressbutIwashesit
ati
ng
togoIknewKumkanihadmewat chedsoIj
ust
wentt
obathworeshor
ts,
socks,
bootsleeper
s
andabaggyhoodyt
henIti
edmyhairandwent
backt
owatchTV.
Around7pm IcheckedifKumkani
lef
thi
scar
keysandhedid,Iwalkedupanddowntr
yingso
hardtodeci
deifIshouldgoornot
.
Iwentt otheki
tchen,
ther
ewasastandwit
h
diff
erentl
iquor
sIopenedabott
leofskyv
odka
thendilut
editwit
hwine..
Isatdownanddr
ankunt
ilIt
hought
..
Me:
youknowwhat?f
uckt
his!
Itookt
hekeysandwentt oopenthegarage
thendrovet
oNi c'
saddress,whenIgotthereI
thi
nkIwasalreadyabitdrunkthesecur
iti
es
openedthegateformethenIparkedthecar
andtookanelevatort
ohisapartment.
.
Iknocked..t
hewasn'tanyanswersoIknocked
againthenheopenedthedoorweari
ngnothing
buthisboxershor
tshejustgotoutt
heshowerI
coul
dtel
l
.
Hi
m:It
houghty
ouwer
en'
tcomi
ng,
comei
n
It
ookast
epi
nsi
det
henHecl
osedt
hedoor
.
Me:
canwenott
alkpl
ease
Beforehecoul
danswermeIpushedhim
againstt
hewallandstar
tedki
ssi
nghi
m, he
ki
ssedmebackt henpi
ckedmeupandwalked
wit
hmet ot
hekitchenheputmeonofthetabl
e
.
Wekissedunt
ilhet
ookof
fal
lmycl
othest
hen
hel
ookedatme
Hi
m:l
etmehandl
ethi
sokay
?
[
07/
12,
20:
35]Kunt
a:TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t44

Inoddedt
henhelai
dmeont het
abl
eand
wrappedmylegsar
oundhi
sshoul
der
sthen
pul
ledmeuptohi
sface,hestart
edtokissme
i
nbetweenmythi
ghssmallmoansescapedmy
l
ipsashewenthi
ghert
henhef i
nal
lyr
eached
mypotofGol
dandranhistongueonit
.
Ili
ftedmywai standheldhishead, heconti
nued
fl
ickinghistongueIwasnowdr ippingwetI
couldn'tevencontr
ol mysel
fIwasmoani ng
andmov ingmywai stwi
ththerhythm ofhis
tongue.
WhenIwasaboutt
ocum hepul
l
edbackand
cametoki
ssme
Hi
m:Notj
usty
et
Hepi ckedmeupt henwentwithmet othe
bedroom, heputmeont hebedthenheclimbed
ontopofmeandki ssedmefrom thetummy
upwar ds.
Islowlypusheddownhisboxershort
swit
hmy
footthenwewer ebothnaked,
Isti
ll
remember
thatinthebackground1+1byBeyoncewas
playi
ng..
Ni
ct ookhi
sti
mewithme,hewaspay
ingf
ull
at
tenti
ontoever
ypar
tofmybodywhi
chki
ll
ed
me.
Hi
m:y
ousur
eyouwannadot
his?
Me:
Iwoul
dn'
tbeher
e
Hecont i
nuedki ssi
ngmet henhewr appedmy
l
egsar oundhi sbackt henhewenti t,atfi
rstit
wasreallypainfulbecauseofmyabsencef rom
sexforar eall
ylongt i
mebutev ent
uallyIwas
enj
oyingit.Ast hesongpl ay edinthe
backgroundi twaslikeNi cwasappl yi
ngev ery
si
nglelyri
ct omephy sical
ly,Hehel dmyhands
ontopofmyheadandcont inuedmov i
ngonme
whil
stIhel pedhim wewer ebot htoosweat y
andbreathingheav i
ly.
Hefli
ppedmeandpl acedmeont opofhi
m we
madelov eli
keneverbefor
eunti
lmytoescurled
andIcame.Hegotupwi thmethenheldme
agai
nstthewallIwasmoani ngandmynails
werediggingonhi
sback, wecarr
iedonfora
fewmor eminutesthenhecame.Heputme
backont hebedthenpulledacov
erandheld
mei nhisarms,nonofussaidathingIwasjust
l
isteni
ngtohisheartbeatandt
henicemusic
thatwasplayi
ng.
Aft
erwebot
hcat
chedourbr
eat
hshest
art
ed
tal
ki
ng.
.
Hi
m:t
hisf
eel
sli
keol
dti
mesbutonl
ybet
ter
Me:
Iknow
Hi
m:Il
ovey
ouEnt
le
Me:
ist
hatIgav
eyougr
eatsext
alk?
Hegi
ggl
ed,
itwassocut
e
Hi
m:NoIr
eal
l
ymeani
t
Me: Il
oveyoutooandI
'm sor
ryf
orhowIended
t
hingsIshoul
d'
vetal
kedtoyou
Hi
m:noi
tsnotent
ir
elyy
ourf
aul
t
Me:
whatdoy
oumean?
Hi
m:Ishoul
dn'
thav
egi
venupj
ustl
i
ket
hatI
guessIalsogotabi tscar
ed,you'
rethemost
beautif
ulgir
lIhaveeversatmyey esonanyguy
woul dki
llt
ohav eyousoafteryoutoldmeyou
can'tbeinar el
ati
onshi
pwithmeany moreIjust
thoughtmay besomeguyswepty ouoffy
our
feet
Me:
wai
t,Ni
khoCooperdoubt
edhi
msel
f?
Him: Iguesshedid,Il
ovedyouEntl
eIstil
ldo
nothingj ust
ifi
eshowwebothhandledthi
ngs
butIt hi
nki t
'sonl
ybesttol
ookbeyond
everythingwear emeanttobetoget
herthi
s
provesi t
Me:you'
rer
ighti
fyou'
resti
llascr
azyasyou
wer
eaboutmeafteral
ltheseyear
stheni
t
meansalot
Hesmi
l
ed
Hi
m:I
'
m sor
ryf
oral
lthel
ostt
ime
Me:
I'
m al
sosor
rybutI
'
m sur
ewecancat
chup
Hi
m:Iknowwecan,
pleasecomet
oEast
ern
Capewi
thme
Me:
i'
ll
consi
deri
t
West artedtal
kingabouteverythi
ng,hisfamil
y
andhowhi sli
lbrot
herwasnowabi gboyhe
alsot oldmehi smot herneverr
eallystopped
askingaboutmewhi chwasv eryfl
atteri
ng,we
talkedaboutal otoft hi
ngsincl
udingmymot her
butt alki
ngaboutherdi dn'
thurtmeasmuch
any mor e.
Wet al
ked, pl
ay edandlaughedforhoursitj
ust
fel
tli
keev ery
thi ngwasfal
li
ngintoplaceIfel
t
ali
veforthefirsttimei
nar eal
lylongtime.
Ni
c:Ai
n'
tyouhungr
y?
Me:
No
Ni
c:ar
eyougonnaspendt
heni
ght
?
Me:
Yeah
Ni
c;Iwanty
ououtoft
hathouse
Me:
Iwi
l
lbe,
I'
mtr
ying
Ni
c: assoonasI
'
m donewi
thbusi
nessher
ewe
l
eaveMbalie
Me:
that
'sf
ine
Hi
m:y
ouhav
en'
tchangedy
ouknow:
)
Me:
why
?
Him:y
ousti
l
lhavethesamehabi
ts,youst
il
l
gi
vemestr
etchesonmybackaft
ersexyou
al
mostdoevery
thi
ngexact
lyt
hesamewayy ou
usedt
o
Ismi
l
ed
Me: y
oualsodo,Ibety
oust
il
ldoal
lthei
nsane
st
uffyouusedt
odo
Hel
aughed
Him:gui
ltyaschar
ged,I
'
m sti
l
lthatcr
azybuta
l
it
tl
ebitmatured,
doyourememberwhereyou
gott
hatscar?
Hepl
ayedwi
tht
hescaronmychest
Me:
i'
ll
nev
erf
orget
Hi
m:honest
lywe'
vebeent
hroughal
ot
Me:
ther
e'sst
il
lal
ott
ocome
Hi
m:asl
ongasI
'
m wi
thy
ou.
Ithi
nkwetal
kedunti
l wefel
lasl
eepthatnight
andwhenIwokeupi nthemorninghewas
spooni
ngmef r
om behind,Ir
emember edhowI
missedl
eani
ngagainsthisbr
oadshoulders
havi
ngtosmellhi
sscentandhowsaf eIfelt
whenIwaswithhim butmostl
yfeel
ingthewas
hemademef eel.
Thewasn' tanydoubtthatNicandIwer
e
seriousl
ybacktogetherandwill
ingt
okeepi
t
thatway, whenItri
edtogetuphet i
ght
enedhi
s
armsar oundmeIj ustsmil
edandwentbackto
sleep.

What
'smeantt
obewi
l
lal
way
sfi
ndi
tsway<3
[
07/
12,
20:
36]Kunt
a:TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n
I
nser
t45

Iopenedmyey
esandNi
cwasst
ari
ngatme
pl
ayingwi
thmyhai
r.
.
Me:
youst
il
ldot
hat
Hi
m:i
t'
sahabi
t
Me:
wit
hev
erygi
rly
ousl
eepwi
thorj
ustme?
Hi
m:uhm wher
edoest
hatcomef
rom?
Me;
nowher
ejustaski
ng
Hi
m: wit
hjusty
ou,
I'
m notl
i
ket
hiswi
thany
one
el
sebutyou
Me:
Mmh
Hi
m:l
etmemakey
oubr
eakf
astneh?
Me:
Ha.
a
Hi
m:y
oust
il
ldon'
tl
ikebr
eakf
ast?
Me:
wit
hal
lmyhear
t
Hest
oodupandki
ssedmyf
orehead
Hi
m:y
ougonnaeati
tany
way
s
Ipul
l
edhi
m backt
obed
Me:
cani
twai
tal
i
ttl
ebi
t.
.pl
ease
Hi
m:okayf
ine
Hel
aidnextt
ome
Hi
m:Idon'
twantt
hist
oend
Me:
menei
ther
Hewr
appedhi
sar
msar
oundme
Hi
m:Awugodol
i
?
Me.
:notwhenI
'
m nextt
oyoul
i
ket
his
Hi
m:y
ou'
resoador
abl
e:
)
Icoveredmyf ace,wewokeupandwenttot
ake
ashowert ogethert
henweatebr
eakf
astand
wentbackt obed.Wewatchedamovieover
snacks..
Me:
Idi
dn'
tthi
nky
oust
il
lremember
edf
rench
Hi
m:Icoul
dnev
erf
orgety
ou'
reagoodt
eacher
,
youknowIsol
dtheGTIaf
ewmont
hsaf
terwe
brokeup
Me:
Iknow,
why
?
Him:ever
ythi
ngaboutitst
art
edt
oremi
ndme
ofyouanditwast
ortur
e.
Me: youreal
l
yhadahar dti
meneh?With
every
thi
ngIcan'tbegi
ntoimagi
ne,
itwasal
soa
roughpatchformebut..
Thewasar eal
lyloudsoundli
kesomeonewas
waskicki
ngthemai ndoor,
Nicjumpedupand
wentoutoftheroom.
Therewasalotofshouti
ngandwhenIwas
abouttogoouttheroom t
ocheckwhatwas
happeni
ngNicwalkedinsi
dether
oom l
ikehe
waspushed.
.
Me:
what
'
shappeni
ng?
Kumkani
ent
eredt
her
oom.
Him:Mbal
ie:
)hav
ingani
cev
acat
ionf
rom
homeneh
Me:
whatar
eyoudoi
ngher
e?
Ni
c:pl
easel
eav
emyapar
tmentbef
ore.
.
Kumkani:bef
orewhat?Huh?Wenawhatar
e
youdoingher
e?(hel
ookedatme)Whatdi
dI
tel
lyouMbali
e?Youdon'
tli
stenneh
Iwasreal
lyscar
ed,i
didn'
tthi
nkKumkaniwould
goasfarascomingbackfrom wher
eeverhe
was.
.
Me:
whatt
hehel
lKumkani
?
Hi
m:y
out
houghtIcoul
dn'
tcomebackmay
be?
Me:
youhadmef
oll
owed?
Hi
m:y
ouknowt
hecarhasat
rackerr
ight
Me:
so?Whyar
eyouher
e?Whatdoy
ouwant?
Nic:I
'm notgonnastandher
eandl ist
ent
othi
s
shi
t,y
oubr okemydoorandinv adedmyspace
youdon'
twantt hi
ngstogetrough.
Kumkani
fakedal
augh
Hi
m:v
erycut
e,Mbal
ent
lel
et'
sgo
Me:
I'
m notgoi
ngany
wher
ewi
thy
ou
Hi
m:y
oubi
tch!Youhav
ethener
vet
osayt
hat
t
ome?
Ni
c:y
oudon'
ttal
ktoherl
i
ket
hat
,donotev
er!
Kumkani:yout
hinky ouknowmeneh?You
don'
tknowwhatI'm capabl
eofmyboysostay
outoft
his!
Hepul
l
edmebymyar
m andIpul
l
edi
tback
Hi
m:don'
tmaket
hishar
dMbal
i
e
Me:
Got
ohel
l
Heslappedmewiththebackofhi
shandthenI
fel
ltothef
loor
,Ni
cjumpedathim butKumkani
pul
ledoutagun
Kumkani
:nowmay
bey
ou'
l
lbot
hbehav
e
Me:
kunkani
no.
.
Him:rel
axIwon'tuset
hisonyou,
Ijustwant
yourf
ri
endtoknowwho'sboss!
Iwasl
i
ter
all
yshaki
ng,
icoul
dfeel
mybl
adder
bur
nitwasl
i
deIwasgonnapeeonmy
sel
f
Ni
c:y
oudon'
tscar
eme
Kumkani
:real
l
y?
Me: Kumkanii
t'
sfi
nei
'
llcomewi
thy
oupl
ease
putawaythegun.
I
twasmyf irstt
imeevenseei
ngagunsoclose
tome,IneverknewKumkanievenownedoneI
guesshekeptiti
nhiscl
ub.
"
Hepul
l
edaboxf
rom hi
spockett
henopenedi
t
"
Hi
m:Mbal
ent
lemar
ryme
Me: whatareyoucrazy?Youareaphy cohow
canyouevenaskmet omarryy
ouint his
si
tuat
ion?youfoundmei nbedwiththepersonI
l
oveisn'
tthatcl
earenoughforyou.
Hepoi
ntedt hegunatNicthenshothim onthe
l
egIscreamed, Ihav
eneverbeenthatterr
if
ied
i
nmyl i
feIfeltnumbitwasli
keeveryt
hingwas
adr
eam.
"
Nicf
ell
tot
hef
loor"
Me: howcoul
dyou?Youfuckenbast
ardy
ou
shothim"
Iwasscreami
ng"
Iqui
cklykneel
ednexttoNic,Hi
slegwas
bl
eedingandhewasr eal
l
yi npai
n
Him:Ent
ledon'
tdoi
t,i
'
drat
herl
ethi
m ki
l
lme
don'
tmarr
y
Kumkani
:Fi
ne
Hewalkedov
ert
oNi
candhel
dthegunt
ohi
s
head
Me: i
'
llmarr
yyouKumkani
pleasei
'
lldo
any
thingi
t.
Ni
cwasbreathi
ngsof
astandheav
il
yhewas
ev
ensweati
ng
Kumkani
:Good
Hepull
edmyhandandplacedt
her
ing,
Iwas
cr
yingl
ikei
'
venev
ercr
iedbefor
e
Ipul
l
edmyhandf
rom hi
mthenqui
ckl
ygr
abbed
Ni
c'st
ieandt
ight
lyt
iedhi
sleg,
hewas
gr
oani
ng..
Me:
I'
m sosor
ryNi
cthi
sisal
lmyf
aul
t
Ni
c:don'
twor
ryabouti
tbabyi
'
llbef
ine
Hef
akedasmi
l
e
Kumkani
:ti
met
ogoMbal
i
e
Me: what
?Ar
eyougonnal
eav
ehi
m her
eli
ke
t
his?
Kumkani
:hi
snotmyprobl
em,ohanddudego
tot
hecopsandt
hegi
rldi
esgati
t?
Me: y
ouaresuchahor
ri
bleper
soni
fyouar
ea
per
sonatal
l!
!
Istoodupandt ri
edbeati
nghi
m buthewasway
toostronghejustpushedmeandIfel
ldown,
I
crawledtoNic
Andhel
dhi
m
Nic:st
opcry
ingEnt
leIpromi
seever
ythi
ngwi
l
l
befi
ne,dowhathesaysandj
ustcal
lmean
ambul
ance
Igr
abbedhisphoneandcal
led911,
kumkani
wasjustl
ooki
ngatussmili
ngthi
swhol
etime.
Me: Iloveyouokay
?AndI
'
m sor
rymay
bewe
shouldjust
..
Nic:al
way
sandf
orev
erEnt
lei
'
llmakesur
ehe
pays
Kumkani
laughed
Him: l
et'
sgoMbal
ieatleasty
outwohadal
i
ttl
e
honeymoonnowit
'soveranditwi
l
lnev
er
happenagai
n.
Ni
chel
dmyhand
Him: you'r
estrongandy ou'
rethesmart
est
personIknowy ou'
llf
iguret
hisout
,pr
omiseme
you'l
lstopcry
ingi '
l
lbef i
ne
Me:
Idon'
tknowNi
cIdon'
tthi
nkIcan.
.
Him:Imeanti
twhenIsai
di'
dtakeabul
l
etfr
om
you'
hesmil
ed',Il
ovey
ouandonewayorthe
ot
heri
'
llmakesur
eyou'
rewher
eyoudeser
vet
o
be
Me:
Ilov
eyoumor
eand.
.
Kumkaniroughl
ypul
ledmeupbecauset
he
weresi
rensoutsi
de
Kumkani
:enoughoft
hisdr
ama!
Hedr aggedmeoutthedoor
,Itookonelast
gli
mpseatNi candasmytearsraceddownmy
facehebl ewaki
sswit
hthehandf ul
lofhi
s
blood.
[
07/
12,
20:
36]Kunt
a:

TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t46

Kumkanidraggedmehomet hatdaythenhad
thecarIwasdriv
ingf
etchedaf
terus,
Iwas
wear
ingNic'sshor
tsandhi
st-
shi
rtIhadhi
s
bl
oodall
ov ermyhands.
Whenwear riv
edIwentst raightupst airsand
tookalongbathIwasempt yIcoul dn'tevencr y
anymoreletal
onethink,Ikeptst ari
ngatt he
ri
ngKumkani putonmyf i
ngerandIev entuall
y
tooki
toffandlefti
tinthebat hroom si nk.I
wenttoloti
onthenwor emywar m pj'sandgot
i
nbedt henItri
edcall
ingNi cbutt hewasno
answerIrememberedt hathemusthav elefthi
s
phoneonhiswayt othehospi tal.
.
Idon'
tknowwhenbutwi
thnot
imeIwasof
fli
ke
alamp.

Thefol
l
owingdayIdidn'
tleavemyr oom,I
stay
edinbedandsoakedal l
day .Lateri
ntot
he
dayKumkanicameinwithat rayfil
l
edwi t
h
food
Hi
m:Hey
Heputdownthetr
ayontheheadboardt
henhe
satnextt
ome,Idi
dn'
tsayanyt
hing.
Him: I
'
m sorryforhowt hingstur
nedoutandI
hopeyou'
llf
inall
yseet hatIlov
ey ouandIreal
ly
wannabewi thyou,IknowIshoul dn'
thavehit
youIwasjustjealousandangr yatyoufor
cont
inui
ngtoseehi m.
It
urnedandf
acedt
heot
herway
.
Me:
Goaway
.
Myvoi
cehadweakenedf
rom al
lthescr
eami
ng
andcr
ying
Hi
m: okaybuty
ouneedt
oeat
,youhav
en'
tat
e
al
lday
Isatup
Me: Tel
lmeKumkani doyouser i
ousl
ythi
nk
youaregonnahaveevery
thingyourwayandget
awaywithit
?Ihavetwoscar sandabrui
se
becauseofyouandyetyout hi
nkther
ecould
everbeanykindofpl
easurebetweenus?
Hi
m:wher
e'sy
ourr
ing?
Ij
ustdi
sgust
ingl
ylookedathi
m
Hi
m: don'
tevertakei
tof
fagainandy esIt
hink
wearegonnabehappytogetheraf
terweget
marr
iedyou'
regonnamov ei
nt omyroom and
t
heweddingisnextmonth.
Me: y
ouaremoresickthanIt
hought
,fi
nehav
e
i
tyourwaywil
lgetmergednextmont
hbuton
onecondi
ti
on
Hi
m:what
'st
hat
?
Me:youleaveNi
coutoft
his,
nev
ert
ouchhi
m
agai
nandi'
ll
dowhatyouwant
Hesmi
l
ed
Hi
m:deal
,comeher
e
Hehuggedme
Him:ever
ythi
ngwil
lnowgetbacktohowit
usedt
obeev enbet
ternowt
hatyou'
regonnabe
mywife
If
akedasmi
l
ed
Me:
Ineedt
orestcany
oul
eav
e
Him: ofcour
sesweet
heartj
ustmakesur
eyou
eatfi
rstandputt
hatr
ingbackonyour
fi
nger: )
Me:
Okay
Heki ssedmyf oreheadt henhewalkedout,I
wassodi sgustedIf eltl
i
ket hr
owingupbutI
fi
guredi fIwant edthingstowor koutIneeded
toplayal ongtowhatKumkani wasdoingthat
wasgoi ngt oleadmeonawayout ,Ihadto
makesur ehet rustsmeagai nIhadt ohavehi
m
thi
nkIwasst artingtoacceptbeingwi t
hhim
andIwant edhimt obemyhusbandasbadas
hewant edmet obehi swife.

Ni
ccal
l
edme.
.
Me:
Hel
l
o
Ni
c:heyi
tsme
Me:
arey
ouokay
?Isev
ery
thi
ngokay
?
Him: rel
axI'mf
inemyl
eghurt
sf ort
heworld
andtheygonnaputmeoncrut
chesf orawhil
e
butotherthant
hatI
'mj
ustworr
iedaboutyou.
Me:I'
m gl
adyou'
reokayandI'
m sorry
,I'
m
t
ryi
ngtobest
rongNicreal
lyIam buti
t'
shar
d
Hi
m: i
t'
snoty
ourfaultbaby
,Lookj
ustpl
ay
al
ongt
owhathisdoingunti
lwehaveaplan
Me:Icanpoi
sonhi
m Ni
c,i
'
llmakehi
mtr
ustme
agai
nthenki
l
lhi
m
Nic:No!Youar enotgoi
ngt
odothatyou'
renot
akil
lerEntl
ethere'
sawayokay
?Butjustwai
t
unti
lIrecover
Me:
whati
fhewant
stosl
eepwi
thme?
Nic:youtel
lhimyou'r
enotreadyy
ou'drat
her
waitf
ortheweddingandpromisehimit
'sgonna
bewor t
hwhilehe'
l
lfal
lfori
t
Me:
Nikhot
hisi
sal
ltoof
uckedup
Hi
m: IknowbutI '
m notlet
ti
ngyoumarryt
hat
monster,Ihadtol
ietothepoli
ceandsayt
her
e
wasar obberywhenIgotshot
Me:
didy
oul
ayachar
ge?
Hi
m:noIdi
dn'
tandIwon'
t
Me:
arey
ousur
eyou'
reokay
?
Him:yesstopwor
ryi
ngaboutmeI'
m abi
gguy
,
andi
'
llkeepmymindbusywithwor
k
Me;
youneedt
otakei
teasy
Hi
m: IknowbutIhav
etof
ini
sht
hispr
ogr
am so
wecanleav
e
Me:
Okay
,youknowwecan'
ttal
kany
mor
eneh
Hi
m: yeahIknow,Iguesswe'
l
ltal
kwhen
ev
ery
thingi
sinplace
Me:
Yeah
Him: commondon'tsoundsosadi t
'sgonnabe
okayjustmakesur
ey ou'
recauti
ousabout
ever
ythingandt
akecareifyoursel
f.
Me:
Ihav
etobe,
yout
oo.
Hi
m:Ourl
ovei
sfor
ever
Me:
alway
shasbeen
Hi
m:al
way
swi
l
lbe,
bighug
Me:
lot
sofki
sses
Wehangup.
.

Thingswer en'tthebestbutIhadt okeepup

withev ery
thing,Istart
edwi t
hwor kandi tmade
mekeepmymi ndf rom al
way st
hinking.
Kumkani wasst arti
ngtotrustmeagai nItried
pretendingthatt hi
ngswer ebacktonor mal
betweenusandt hatconvincedhi
mt hatIreal
ly
acceptedt hemar r
iagethi
ngandsi nceheknew
Iwasnol ongerseei ngNictohim everyt
hing
wasper f
ect.
Ever
ydaywasastr
uggletomejusthav
ingto
pret
endIl
ovedhi
m andthathemademehappy
butmaybei
ntheenditwasgonnabewor t
hitat
l
eastIknewNicandIwer
ebot
hsaf
esot
hat
'
s
al
lthatmatt
ered.
Itwasalmostamont handmybi r
thdaywasin
thecomi ngweek, kumkani wantedthewedding
tober i
ghtafterthatsohei nst
ructedmeto
star
tplanning.Icouldn'
tkeepint ouchwit
hNi c
becausei twasliketheclosertheweddingdate
thecloserkumkani watchedmeIknewNi cwas
almostdonewi thhisbusinesst hi
ngandwe
wouldsoonhav etoleavePTA.

ItaSatur
dayafternoonKumkani invi
tedhis
fri
endsoverfortherehearsaldi
nner,Hi
sbeen
complimenti
ngmet hatIglowandi'vegai
ned
weightsohekeptsay ingImustber eal
lyhappy
abouttheweddingwhi chIhadnoi deawhathe
wasonabout .
Wear esit
ti
ngtoget
hereat
ingandevery
onei
s
di
scussingtheweddi
ngwhenIf el
tnoxi
ousI
wantedtothrowup
Me:
excuseme
Istoodupandr anupstai
rsthenwentt othe
bathroom andthrewupafterthatIfel
tokay
whichwaswei rd,whenIpull
edmydr awert
o
takeoutti
ssuesapacketofpadsf el
ldownand
theywerestil
lsealed.
Usuall
yIwenttomyper i
odsatt hebeggi
ngof
themonthandi twasnowt heendt henI
real
i
sedIwasl atewi t
hmoret han3weeks,Isat
ontopofthetoiletseati
ndisbelief
.
Me:
Nononot
hiscan'
tbe(
Ihel
dmyhead)
[
07/
12,
20:
37]Kunt
a:TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t47

Istoodupandwentt omyr oom t henquickly

grabbedmyphoneanddi al
edNi c'snumber ,
yes
weagr eedwewoul dn'tcontactunt i
lev
erythi
ng
wasi nplacebutIhadnochoi ce.
Phoner
ings.
.
Ni
c:Ent
le
Me:
wehav
eapr
obl
em
Hi
m:what
'swr
ong?
Me:
Ithi
nkI
'
m pr
egnant
Ni
c:what
!?Uhm.
.
Icoul
dhearhewasst
il
ldi
gest
ingt
hewhol
e
thi
ng
Me: wellImissedmyperiodandi'
vegained
weightIhavetheseendl
esscravi
ngsandr i
ght
nowIj ustt
hrewup,Idon'
tknowany t
hingabout
pregnancybutnowthatIthi
nkofeverythi
ngI
real
lyam
Him: that'
sgreatBabe,Idon'
tevenhavethe
ri
ghtwor dstosaybutI'
m sohappyand
shockedatt hesamet i
mebuty oushoul
dt akea
pregnancytestjustt
obesur e
Me:
i'
ll
tryt
o,butNi
cthi
snotagoodt
hingt
his
I
sthel
astt
hingweneedr
ightnow
Hi
m: i
fyouarereal
lypr
egnantt
henit
'sa
bl
essi
ng,notonl
ytohaveababybuttohavei
t
wi
thyouIknowit'
shardbutj
ustconf
ir
m okay
?
Me: uhm.
.idon'
tknowNicbesidesI'
m gonna
showsoonhealreadynot
icedIgai
nedweight
thenwhat
?
Hi
m:wear
enotgoi
ngt
obeher
efort
hatl
ong
Me:Inevert
houghtofhav
ingababynotr
ight
nowanyways
Ni
c:sowhatar
eyousay
ing?
Me:
not
hingl
ookIhav
etogo
Nic:Il
oveyouandImissy
oualot,
thi
smay
compli
catethi
ngsmor
ebutit
'smybabyand
you'
rekeepi
ngit.
Me: Idot
oobabyl etmebuyt
het
estf
ir
stt
hen
i
'
llt
extyou,Ican'
tcall
agai
n
Ni
c:i
'
llseey
ousoon,
Bighug
Me:
lostofki
sses

Ihangupandwentbackdownst
air
s
Kumkani
:Honeyar
eyouokay
?
Me:
YeahI
'
mfi
neIt
hinki
t'
sthemeat
Hesmil
edandhel
dmyhand, af
tert
hedinnerI
wentt
owashthedi
shes.Kumkanicameand
st
oodbehi
ndmewi t
hhishandswrapped
ar
oundmywaist
Hi
m:ev
ery
onei
sgonenow
Me:
mmhdi
dtheyhav
eagoodt
ime?
Him: y
eahtheydid,Iwast
hinki
ngmaybey ou
couldl
eav
et heseandyoucancomeupst air
s
wit
hmeandwecandoapr e-weddi
ngki
nda
thi
ng.
Hetr
iedt
oki
ssmyneckf
rom behi
nd,
Imov
ed
away
Me:
wet
alkedaboutt
his,
I'
m notr
eadyy
etI
t
hinki
'
llf
eel
mor
ecomf
ort
abl
eaf
tert
he
weddi
ng.
Hi
m: whatdif
fer
encedoesi
tmake?Weget
ti
ng
marr
iedany
way s
Me: wearel
eftwi
thoneweekonl
yI'
m sur
eyou
canwaitabi
tmore,i
t'
sgonnabewor
ththe
wait
Hesmi
l
ed
Him:okayfi
nei'llwait
,andIwannat akey outo
areal
lyni
ceplacef orourhoneymoonj ustto
makeupforallthet r
oublei'
vecausedI'm
thi
nki
ngwecangooutoft hecountr
ybuti t'
s
gonnabeasurpr i
se.
If
akedasmi
l
e
Me: that'
sreal
l
yni ceIcan'
twai
t,doy
ouhav
e
yoursuitdonejustyet
?
Hi
m:y
epi
'
llf
etchi
tThur
sdayandy
ourdr
ess
Me:
it'
scomi
ngal
ongf
ine
Hi
m: Icanal
readyseey
ouwal
kdownt
hei
sle
l
ooki
ngbeauti
ful:)
Me:
andIcanseey
oust
andi
ngt
her
eli
keaki
ng
Hel
aughed
Hi
m; Ican'
twai
t,y
ousur
eyoudon'
twantt
o
sl
eepinmyroom?
Me:
Idobuti
'
drat
herwai
t
Hi
m:okayl
etmegot
obedi
t'
sbeenal
ongday
Heki
ssedme
Hi
m:Goodni
ghtsweet
hear
t
Me:
Night
Hewalkedupst ai
rs,
Icont i
nuouslyrubbedmy
l
ipswi
thwat erinthesink.Itwasn'tthefir
st
ti
meKumkani hadkissedmebi tInev ergot
usedt
oi t
,everyti
meIhadt opl
ayalongandi t
mademesouncomf ortableIhat
edev er
y
momentt hatheplacedhi sli
psagainstmi ne.
Af
terf
ini
shi
ngwi
thcl
eani
ngupIwentt
obed.
.
Thef oll
owingdayIwokeear lyandwentt osee
adoct orforthetestbecauseIdi dn'tf
eelsaf
e
withbuy i
ngoneandbr ingingi tovertothe
house, wit
hinaf ewmi nutesi twasconf ir
med
thatIwasal mostamont hpr egnant ,i
twasn'
t
thebestnewsofmyl i
feundert he
cir
cumst ancesandIj ustdi dn'tevenknowhowI
fel
tabouthav i
ngababy .
Iwalkedoutwi t
hmul t
iplethought
sinmyhead,
evenifIdecidedtokeept hebabymyf earwas
i
fwedi dn'
tleavesoonenoughwi t
hNict hen
Kumkani f
indsoutI'
m pr egnanthewouldkil
lal
l
ofusbutIalsoknewNi cwasn'tgonnaletme
aborthi
sbabyi twascr azytoeventhi
nkabout
anaborti
on.
Cir
cumst ancescanmakeyouaper sonyou'
re
not,Idi
dn'tseehowIgottotheplacet
hatIwas
i
nbutIknewNi candIhadtoleav
eandsoon.
Itext
edNi
c"i
t'
sconf
ir
medI
'
m car
ryi
ngy
our
baby"
Hetextedmeback"
Bestnewssi
ncemy
exi
stence,
i'
ll
comef
oryoutwosoonxoxo"
Idel
etedt
hemessagesanddrovehome,
whenI
gott
herekumkani
wasalreadyup
Me:
mor
ning
Hi
m:heywher
edi
dyougosoear
ly?
Me:
weddi
ngt
hings:
)
Hi
m:Iseey
ouwantev
ery
thi
ngt
obeper
fect
Me:
ofcour
se
Hi
m:comesi
tnextt
ome
Iwentov
erandsatnextt
ohi
mthenhehel
dmy
hand
Him: Thankyouforthi
s,formaki
ngmet he
happi
estmanIknowi t
'sbeenhardbutit
's
payi
ngof fnow,
I'm sur
eyouseehowgr eat
thi
ngsarenowt hatyouarenolongerseeing
t
hatf
ri
endofy
our
s.
Me:
Ishoul
dthanky
ouf
orev
ery
thi
ng.
Him:rememberwhenIt
aughty
ouhowt
odr
ive
and.
.
Me: y
oudi
dn'
tteachmeIal
readyknewhowt
o
dr
ive
Him:yeahIknowImeanal
lthet
echni
cst
o
get
ti
ngalicense.
Me:
mmhIr
emember
Him:taket
hismarri
agethingli
ket
hat,
you
don'
tneedtobescaredi'
ll
alwaybeher
eto
gui
deyouthroughever
ythi
ng.
Me:
I'
ll
keept
hati
nmi
nd.
Wetalkedaboutt
heweddi
ngandIkept
pr
etendingt
obeahappybri
detobe.
.
..

28t
hJunet
hemor
ningofmybi
rt
hday
.
Theweddi ngwasgoi ngt obethef ol
l
owingday,
kumkani hadev ery
thi
ngweneededdel i
ver
ed.
Hei nvi
tedaf ewpeopl etocomef orl
unchand
gavemeav erygl
amor ousneckpieceasa
present,myheadwasn' ti
nthedayatallas
peoplewer ecelebrat
ingmybirthdayIwas
worryi
ngi fNicwasgonnashowupi nti
men
Itwasabusydayandkumkani washandson,
hewasbusyt ry
ingtomakemef eelspeci
aland
sort
ingoutt
hingsforthef ol
l
owi ngday.Aft
er
l
unchhisfri
endsleft,l
aterkumkani wasgoing
tohostapartyformeatt heclubthat'
swhathe
alwaysdi
donmybi rt
hday .

I
'
m eat
ingcakewat
chi
ngTV
Kumkani
:youar
eeat
ingal
otl
atel
y
Me:
real
l
y?I
tmustbener
ves
Hi
m: youwomenstressyour
sel
vesover
ev
ery
thing,
tomor
rowwi l
lbeper
fect
Ismi
l
ed
Me:
Iknow
Him: youaregonnafeelabitneglect
ednow
becauseIhavetogot ojhbtogetmysui tand
someot hert
hingsf
ort hevenue,won'ty
ouneed
anythi
ng?
Me:
NoIhav
eev
ery
thi
ngcov
ered
Hi
m:Ihav
en'
tseeny
ourdr
ess
Inev
erboughtanydr
essbutIhadt
oli
e
Me; i
'
llgeti
ttoday
,besi
desIwanti
ttobea
sur
pri
se
Him:okaybabyletmeleavei
'
llseey
oul
ater
,
don'
tfor
getaboutthepar
ty
Heki
ssedme
Me:
Iwon'
t.
Hetookhiskeysandwalkedout
,fort
hef
ir
st
ti
met hatdayIwasal
lal
oneanditwasso
peaceful
.
If
ell
asl
eepont
hecouch.
.
"Ent
le"heshookme,iopenedmyeyesandNi
c
waskneeli
ngnextt
othecouch.Iqui
ckl
yst
ood
up.
Me:
whatar
eyou.
.
Heki
ssedmeunexpectedl
ythenhel
dmeinhi
s
ar
msforthel
ongestt
ime,hebroket
hehug
Hi
m:wehav
etogo
Me:
uhm Ihav
etopackand.
.
Him: i
'l
lbuyyounewcl
othes,i
'
llr
eplace
ever
ythi
ngjustgety
ourpurseandlet'
sleav
e
now
Istoodupandranupstair
swit
houteven
thi
nking,
Ionl
ygrabbedtheimpor
tantthi
ngs
thencamebackdownst ai
rs
Ni
c:y
ousur
eyouhav
eev
ery
thi
ngy
ou'
l
lneed!
Me:It
hinkso,Inev
ert
oldy
ouwher
eIl
i
ved?
Howdi
dy ou.
.
Nic:Entl
ewe'l
ltal
kaboutever
ythi
ngwhenwe
getoutofher
elet'
sjustl
eav
e.
HetookthethingsIwascar
ryi
ngt
henhepul
l
ed
meout si
detohiscart
hatwaspar
kedata
di
stancefrom t
hecar,Hedr
oveof
f.

Thecarwasspeedi
ng,t
hewayIwashol
dingmy
bodyIdi
dn'
tevensayawor
d.
Me:
Ithi
nkI
'
m gonnat
hrowup
Hi
m:t
her
e'swat
eri
ntheback
Il
eanedt
otakeabot
tl
eofwat
ert
henIdr
ank.
Me:
sowher
ear
ewegoi
ng?
Him:East
erncape,di
dyouev
ert
oldhi
m wher
e
youor
igi
nal
lyl
ived?
Me:
No
Hi
m:good,
arey
ouscar
ed?
Me: I
'
m mor
escar
edoft
hiscart
hanhi
mri
ght
now
Hi
m:sor
ry
Hel
etl
ooseatt
hespeedabi
t
Me:
whataboutmyj
ob?
Hi
m:It
houghty
ouappl
i
edf
orat
ransf
er
Me:Ididbuti
'v
eonlybeenworki
ngther
efora
monthIdon'
tevenknowifi
t'
sgonnabe
appr
oved
Hi
m:iftheydon'
t,y
ou'l
lgetanotherj
obwhat
'
s
i
mpor
tantistogetoutofhere.
Me:
weshoul
dtakeaf
li
ght
Hi
m: y
ou'r
epregnanti
t'
snotsaf
eandthat
'
sthe
f
ir
stpl
acehe'
l
l sendhi
sment ol
ook.
Ikeptqui
etandl
ookedoutt
heWi ndow,Iwas
soscaredbutal
sorel
i
evedNiccamet hr
ough
forme.
Ni
c:Mamakabhabha
Icoul
dn'
thel
pbutsmi
l
e
Me:
Idon'
tthi
nki
t'
sev
enababyj
usty
et
Him:st
il
l,i
t'
sgonnabeokayEnt
lei
'
llmakesur
e
ordi
etr
ying.
Il
ookedathi
m andher
eachedhi
sonehandt
o
hol
dmine.
[
07/
12,
20:
38]Kunt
a:

TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t48

Me: Thankyou.
.forev
eryt
hingIcan'
tbegi
nto
expl
ainwhatthi
sallmeanstome.
Hi
m:Idi
dwhatIhadt
odobaby
.
Webot hkeptquiet,
aft
erafewmi nutesonthe
roadIfel
lasl
eep.Wemi ghthavebeenoutof
Pretor
iabutIknewwewer ebot
hwor riedabout
Kumkani,weknewhewoul dn'
trestuntil
he
foundme.
Ni
ckstoppedthecaratBloem i
nagar
age,
I
wokeupanditwasalreadydark.
Me:
whatt
imei
sit
?
It
ookoutmyphonef
rom mybagNi
cst
aredat
me
Me:
what
?
Hi
m:Thephone
Me:
whatabouti
t
Hi
m: Ent
leyouneedtoloseev
ery
thi
nghe
mightusetofindyou,
whyareyouevenst
il
l
weari
ngthering?
Me:
uhm
Hi
m:whatel
sedoy
ouhav
ewi
thy
ou?
Me: MyCreditcar
ds,
ID,
Licenseandsome
per
sonaldocuments
Him:okaytakeoutther
ingandgi
vemet
he
phonei
'l
lgodumpt hem her
e.
Bef
oreIgav
ehi
m myphoneIcheckedi
tandi
t
hadmor
ethan50missedcal
l
sfr
om Kumkani
I
wassof
reaked,
Igav
eittoNi
c
Hi
m:don'
tyouwantt
ouset
hebat
hroom?
Me:
IdoandI
'
m hungr
y
Him:goinsi
dei'
ll
buyy
ousomet
hingt
oeatwe
can'
tst
aylonghere
Me:pl
easedon'
tbuysomethingwi
thr
edmeat
i
tmakesmefeelsi
ck,canIask?
Hi
m:okaybabe,
yeah
Me:
howdi
dyouknowwher
ewest
ayed?
Him;i
t'
snothardtof i
ndaguylikekumkani,
whenIgothisaddressIknewhewasgoi ngto
behel
dupt odaybecauseoftheweddingsoi'
ve
beenwatchi
ngthehouseal l
dayunti
lhelef
t.
Me:
I'
mreal
l
yscar
edNi
kho
Hi
m: IknowI
'm al
soscar
edf
ory
oubuthe
won'
tfi
ndus
Me:
hewon'
tst
opunt
ilhedoesIshoul
d'
vesent
hi
mtoj
ail
Him: webot
hknowthatwasn'tgonnawork,
youweregonnaendupdeadorInjailwi
thhim.
LookIknowthi
sisgonnamakeusl iv
eonthe
edgebutIpr
omiseIwon'
tletanyt
hinghappen
toyou.
Me:
Ishoul
dst
opst
ressi
nghey
Hi
m:pl
ease.
Webot hwentoutthecarIwentt othe
bathr
oom, washedmyf aceIwassot i
red.Af
ter
Iwenttostandnexttothecartheguywhowas
fi
ll
i
ngt hecarpetr
olkepttr
yingt
ot alktomebut
myheadwasel sewhere,t
heweat herwasso
ref
reshing.
Niccamebackcar ry
ingf ood.
Hi
m:hol
dthi
s
Hegav
emet hepl
ast
ict
hent
ookoutacupcake
wi
thahear
t.
Hi
m:Happy21stBi
rt
hday:
)
Ismi
l
ed
Me:
Ithoughty
ouf
orgot
Him: Iwouldnev
erfor
getevenaft
eramil
l
ion
year
s, Ipr
omisei
'l
lmakeitpr
operwhenweget
t
oEastLondon
Me:thi
sisper
fectjustbei
ngabl
etobenextt
o
youmakesi
tspecial
Heopenedhisar
msforahug,Ihuggedhi
m
t
henwekissedandwentbacktothecar
.
.
..

9hour
slat
erwear
ri
ved.
.
Nicwokemeupt henwewal kedinsidehis
apart
ment,thewayIwassot i
redandsl eepyI
didn'
tnot
iceany thi
ngIj
ustlethiml eadmet o
bedthenIslept.Iwokeupat4i ntheaf ter
noon
andthehousesmi l
edDivi
ne, i
walkedoutt he
room tot
hel oungethensatdown.Hi s
apart
mentwasr eall
yni
cebuty oucoul dtell
a
guyli
vedthere,hecamet hroughtheki t
chen
smi
l
ing
Hi
m:heysl
eepyhead(
heki
ssedmycheek)
Me:
hey
Hi
m:y
ou'
vebeensl
eepi
ngf
orhour
s
Me:
Iwast
ir
edIst
il
lfeel
abi
tti
red
Hi
m:i'
llr
unyouabat
hforyou,youcanwear
mycl
othesf
ornowwe'l
lgoforshoppi
ng
t
omorr
owneh
Me:
Okay
Hi
m:Hungr
y?
Me:
fort
woy
ouhav
enoi
dea
Hel
aughed
Hi
m:i
'
llbr
ingy
ouf
oodf
ort
wot
hen
Istoopupandwentt olookaround,t
he
apartmentwasa3bedr oom,Bathroom,shower
,
l
oungeandt hekit
chen.Iwenttostandonthe
bal
conyt hef
ell
i
ngIfeltseei
ngEastLondon
wasbey ondwords,it
houghtaboutallt
he
memor iesandmymot her
!Ihadforgot
tenhow
beauti
fulthatplacewas.Feel
ingthesea
breezeonmyf acemademef eelatease,i
tfel
t
sopeacef ulandcalmi
ngandjustforafew
minutesIenj oy
editwit
houtworry
ing.
Niccamet
hrought
hesl
i
dingdoorandst
ood
behi
ndme.
.
Hi
m: Iknowthi
spl
acepr
obablyr
emindsy
ouof
al
otbutIwantust
ostar
taf
reshandmakenew
memories
Me:
Yeahi
'
dlov
ethat
Hi
m:Good,
comeeat
Her eachedformyhandt henwewal kedinsi
de
toeat,aft
ereati
ngIwentt obaththenwor ehis
sweatpant sandav estandwenttojoinhim on
thelounge.Isl
eptont hecouchnexttohim
thenhewr appedhisarmsar oundme.
Hi
m;Ar
eyouhappy
?
Me:
mmh?
Him;Imeanwi
thev
erythi
ng?Leav
inghi
m and
bei
ngwit
hme,t
hepregnancy
Me: uhm I'
m happyaboutbeingwithyouandI
wouldfeelbadaboutleavi
ngKumkani i
fthi
s
wasadi f
ferentcasebuti
t'
snotsoI '
mr eall
y
gl
adI '
m outofthere,
Ihaven'
treal
l
yt hought
aboutthepregnancyNic.
Hi
m:pl
easekeept
hebaby
Me:Ihavet
owor
k,Ican'
tst
artanewj
obwhi
l
st
pr
egnant
Hi
m: youcanst
artwor
kingaftery
ougi
vebi
rt
h
t
hen,
i'
llt
akecar
eofyouy ouknowIwil
l
.
It
ookadeepbr
eat
h
Me: l
etmet hi
nkaboutthi
swhol ethi
ngokay
?I
needtosett
leandgetoverthistr
aumatheni'
l
l
star
ttot
hinkclear
lyaboutevery
thing
Hi
m:okayIunder
stand,
Ilov
eyou
Me;Ineedt
oknowt
houghdi
dyoubr
eakup
wi
thher?
Hi
m:y
esIbr
okeupwi
thher
Me:andareyouhappy
?Withal
loft
his,
going
t
obeadaddy ,
mebeingher
eandallt
hetroubl
e
t
hatmayfol
lowus.
Hegi
ggl
ed
Hi
m:I
'
m happyt
hani
'
veev
erbeen.
Heki
ssedmyshoul
der
..
Me:
OkayIl
ovey
oumor
e:
)
Wewat chedTVchat ti
ng,andcuddl
ingIcoul
dn'
t
thi
nkofthelastti
met hatIwasthathappy.
Every
thi
ngelsemi ghthavebeenfuckedupbut
Nicchangedmywhol eworldf
orthesecond
ti
mei nmyexistencehemadet hewhole
sit
uati
onwor t
hit.
Me:
Baby
Hi
m:mmh
Me:
Iwast
hinki
ngneh,
Iwantt
oseekhol
o
Hekeptqui
etf
orawhi
l
e
Hi
m:y
ousur
e?
Me:YeahImeanIknowthatthi
ngswil
lbe
wei
rdmaybebutsheoncemeanttheworl
dto
meIthi
nki'
dli
ketoseeheragai
n.
Him:uhm.
.okayIwi
l
lcal
lhert
omor
rowt
o
comeover
.
Me:
Thanky
ou
Hesqueezedhi
sar
msonme.

Intheendthemessedupchoiceswemake
eit
herbri
ngusclosert
oourdesti
nyorpushus
fur
therbutminewasnextt
ome
[
07/
12,
20:
39]Kunt
a:

TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t49
Aft
erspendi
ngthewholedaytoget
herwewent
tobedandslept
..Thef
oll
owingdayIwokeup
andbathedt
henwokeNi cup.
Me:
Baby
Hi
m:mmh
Me:
arey
ouokay
?
Hi
m:Myl
eghur
tsIt
hinki
t'
sdr
ivi
ngal
lni
ght
Me:
I'
m sor
ry,
ithasn'
tpr
oper
lyheal
edneh?
Hi
m: y
eahbutthepai
ncomesandgoesdon'
t
wor
ryi
'l
ldr
inkpai
nkil
l
ers
Me:Okayletmemakeyoubreakf
astt
heny
ou
canr
estIcangodotheshoppi
ngonmyown
Hi
m:y
ousur
e?
Me:
Yeah
Iki
ssedhimthenwentt
omakebr
eakf
astIgav
e
himthefood
Hi
m:y
ouhav
etoeat
Me:
notbr
eakf
astbaby
Hi
m:y
ou'
repr
egnantEnt
le
Me:i
t'sgonnacomebackany
way s,
my
mor
ningsicknessi
sget
ti
ngst
rongerbyt
heday
Hi
m:i
tdoesn'
tmat
tereat
Me:
Fine
Iwentandmademysel
fcer
eal
whi
chIhat
ed
wit
hallmyhear
t.
.
Me:
babycany
ougi
vemekhol
o'
snumber
?
Hi
m:now?
Me: YeahIt
hinki
t'
sgonnabebesti
fIt
alkto
her
,Icanmeetherintownandmaybeshecan
hel
pmewi thshoppi
ng
Helookedatmet
henr
eachedf
orhi
sphoneand
gav
emehernumber.
Nic:youcantakemycredi
tcardandt
hecar
keysareontopoftheCoff
eetabl
e
Me: Iwon'
tbeneedingyourcr
edi
tcar
dIhav
e
account
s,andyoudon'thavet
ogiv
ememoney
Ihavepl
entyofthat
Him:IknowbutIst
il
ldon'
ttakenof
oran
answer
Me:
ByeIl
ovey
ou
Hi
m:don'
tgetl
ost
Me:
it'
sonl
ybeen4y
ear
sNi
cser
iousl
y?
Hel
aughedasIwal
kedout
.

Iwentt
othecart
hencal
l
edKhol
o..
.
Her:
Hel
l
o
Me:
Heyuhm ar
eyougood?
Her:
I'
mfi
newho'
sthi
s?
Me:
Mbal
i
e
Her:
what
?Mbal
ent
le?
Me:
Yeah,
canwemeet
?
Her:
waitI
'm st
il
lundershockandallt
hese
emot
ionsher
e,dudelike.
..uhm y
ou'
rehere?
Me:
I'
m her
e
Her:
wowokaywecanmeet
Itol
dherweshoul dmeetinhermingwaysatt he
casi
not henIdrovethereitwasgreatseeingall
theplacesagainIfel
tathome, whenIgott here
Iwentinsideandwaitedabi tt
henIspottedher
comei nandwentt omeetherhal fway.She
wasst i
llbeauti
ful
infactshedidn'
tchangeatal l
shelookedt hesamewayshedi dinhi
ghschool
butabi tgrownup.
Shestoodinf
rontofmef
orawhi let
henpul
led
andhuggedmet i
ghtl
ywi
thoutsayi
ngaword,
whenIbroket
hehugshewasi ntear
s..
Me;
I'
m sor
ryI
'
mreal
l
yreal
l
yext
remel
ysor
ry
It
ri
edt
owi
peof
fhert
ear
s,Ial
sowant
edt
ocr
y
Her:
youdidnot
hingwrongwebothfai
ledeach
ot
her
,I'
m al
sosor
ryforpromi
singt
oalwaysbe
t
herefory
oubutgav
eupony
oui
twashar
d
Mbali
e
Me:
let
'ssi
tdown
It
ookherhandwesatdown
Me: IknowKholoandhonestl
yIregr
ettheday
webr okeal
lcontact
sdeepdownImissedy ou
ever
ydayandt hewasneveraper
sonthattook
yourplacei
nmyhear t
Her:metooMbalz,
everyt
hingj
ustwentsi
de
waysyouknowbutyou'
reherenowandwe
havet
ostopsoaki
ngaroundandcatchupon
EVERYTHI
NG!
Il
aughed
Me: youhaven'
tchangedabi
tdudel
i
keIcan
al
readytel
l
Her:i
'l
lnev
erchangel
i
feiseasi
erwhenI'
mlike
t
hisandyousti
ll
haveyourr
idi
cul
ousaccent
Ipl
ayf
ull
ypunchedher
Me:
i'
ll
diewi
thi
t
Wecont i
nuedt alkingandcat chingupon
ev erything,It oldhert hewhol est or yabout
kumkani shewasasf r
eakedasIwasbutKhol o
alway shadawayofmaki ngaj okeoutof
ev erythingsoweendedupl aughi ngatt he
whol et hingj ustt osugarcoatt hings, shewas
happyf ormeandNi candshewasseei ng
someoneel seshet oldmet heywer egonnabe
fi
ni shingay eart oget hert hefollowi ngweek.
Shet ookmeoutasabel atedpr esentt henwe
wentshoppi ng, wegotourhai rdoneIdi dblond
highlight sthengotmyhai rcurledweal sodid
ournai l
si twasget t
inglat ewhenIhadt oleav e.
Wet riedcov eri
ngev erythingwemi ssedf r
om
eachot herslivest hatdayt henf rom t hen
forwar dourf r
iendshi pwasmendedagai nit
wasl ikewenev ersepar at edway s.Ni cwasn' t
freewhenKhol owasar oundatt heapar t
ment
butIdi dn'tpayat tent i
ont othatIj ustf i
gured
may bet hingschangedbet weent hem, he
cont
inuedwit
hwor
kandIst
ayedhomeKhol
o
vi
sit
edalot.

Amont hl at
erthingsar erunningsmoot hl
y,Igot
l
esswor r
iedaboutkumkani everydayt oapoi nt
whereIt houghtmay behegotov erme, my
tummywasgr owingbi tbybitandNi c'
spar ents
alr
eadyknewaboutt hepregnancyt heywer eso
happytheywant edtov isi
tusassoonas
possibl
e.Wet oldt hem amont hlaterbecauseI
tol
dNi ctowai tIwant edtobesur eof
every
thingbeforeweev ol
vedhi spar entsand
thenwhenwedi dt heycoul dn'
twai ttoseeme
hismot hersoundedsohappyandshesai d"I
tol
dy ouwhat '
smeantt obeal way sf i
ndsi t
s
way".

Nicjustcamefrom wor
khecomesandsit
s
nexttome, ki
ssesmytummythenmyli
ps.
.
Hi
m:Heyy
out
wo
Me:
heydaddy
Hi
m;Ni
ri
ght
?
Me:weokay
,butIl
ookl
i
keahi
ppoal
readyand
i
t'
sonl
ytwomonths
Hi
m:y
oul
ookper
fectbaby
Me:
youal
way
ssayt
hat
Him: becauseyouare(heki
ssesme),won'
t
youneedt ogotoseeadoctortomor
rowto
checkifevery
thi
ngisfi
ne
Me: ever
ythi
ngisfinest
opwor
ryi
ngmynext
checkupisnextweekandweagreedthatwe
wantthebaby'sgendert
obeasurpr
isewhenI
giv
ebirth
Hi
m:butIwannaknownowbaby
Me:
No
Hi
m:okayi
t'
sfi
ne
ThenIstart
edbraggi
ngaboutKhol
oli
kealway
s,
Nickeptti
ghteni
nghi
sjawshealwaysdi
dthat
whenhewasangr
yorner
vousabout
somet
hing
Me:you'v
ebeenquiet,whyar
ey ousocold
whenItal
kaboutKholo?Youdon'tev
entalk
t
hatmucht oherany
mor ewhathappenedNic?
Hi
m; BabyIwant
edtowaitunti
lyou'
reduet
o
t
ell
youthi
sbutIcan'
tkeepl
yingli
kethi
s
Me:
uhm y
ouar
ewor
ryi
ngmewhat
'
sup?
Hi
m:Isl
eptwi
thher
Het
ookadeepbr
eat
h
Hi
m:Isl
eptwi
thKhol
oEnt
le.
.

Ohkay
..
[
07/
12,
20:
40]Kunt
a:TheOnl
yThi
ngLef
twi
thi
n

I
nser
t50
Me:
what
?
Myheartnear
lystopped,
Ineverthoughtof
Khol
othatwayyesIknewshewasawi ld
per
sonbuteventhoughwewer eapar taf
teral
l
wewerebestfri
endsinanotherl
i
f e.
Ni
c:Ent
le.
.
Het
ri
edt
ohol
dmyhands
Me:
don'
ttouchme!
Hi
m: looki
twasonetimeandwewer
edr
unki
t
meantabsol
utel
ynot
hing
Me;
when?
Him: aboutayearago, shewasgoi ngt hrough
aroughphaseaf terherbreakupwi thLuy oloso
wewoul dusuall
ygooutandgetdr unkt ogether
wit
hmyot herf
riendsthenthisoneni ghtshe
coul
dn'tdri
veIhadt obringherbackher ethen
somehowweki ssedandendedup. .
Me:pl
easedon'
tIdon'
twantt
oknowabout
t
hat
Ist
oodup
Hi
m:wher
ear
eyougoi
ng?
Me;I'
m gonnast
ayi
nahot
elf
orawhi
l
eIcan'
t
deal
withthi
s
Him: Ent
leyoucan'tbeangrywewer
en't
toget
heranymore,Ididn'
tev
enknowifIwas
goingtoseeyouagain
Me: I'
m notfuckenangrybutshe'smybest
fri
endNicorwaswhat ever
!,youknowi didn'
t
fussaboutthegirlyouweredatingbecauseI
underst
oodwewer en'tt
ogetherandwebot h
didn'
tknowifwe'dev ermeetagainbutthis?
Him: Iknowandi twasast upi
dthi
ngthatwe
bot
hr egrett
edwi t
hKhol oaf
tert
hatdaywe
neverchil
ledtogetheragai
n,pl
easedon'
tgo
Me:howt hehel
lam Isupposedtobearound
t
hetwoofy oueveragai
n?Makinglovewithy
ou
Whi
lstIknowyoudidthesamet hi
ngtomy
f
ri
end?
Hi
m: whydoesi
tlookl
i
key
ouar
emaki
ngme
t
akeal
lthebl
ame?
Me: becausey ouwer esupposedt obet he
biggerper sonNikhoandhav econsci ousness
becauseKhol oisShitandshel i
vesherl i
fel
ike
somef uckenfairy
tal
e, youknewbet t
erifreall
y
youdi dtrulyl
ov emet henyouwoul dn'thave
sleptwi t
hherdespi t
eofev eryt
hing.
Him: I
'
m sorryokay!ButI'
m aguyEntleandit
happenedI'
mt rul
ysorrythatIhur
tyou,t
hink
aboutitt
houghi t
'snotl
ikeyouneversl
eptwith
anyoneinPretori
a.
It
urnedandl
ookedathi
mthenat
earescaped
myey e
Me: Ineverfuckensl
eptwit
hany one3y ears
Nikho,3fl
ippinyear
snoonet ouchedmeIwas
neverbraveenoughIalwayshadt hi
sfearof
l
etti
ngany onetouchme,andev enifIwould'
ve
i
twouldn'thavebeenyourbestfri
end.
Icoul
dseet
heshocki
nhi
sface
Him:I
'm st
il
ltheonlyguyyou'
vesleptwi
th?
Ent
leI
'
m sorryokay?Itwasami st
akeI'
m sor
ry!
Hecamecl oset
omeandhuggedmetight
ly,
I
pushedhimthenthr
ewpunchi
ngi
nhi
schest
unti
lIhadnomorepower.
.
Hegr abbedmet hensl
owlysatdownwi thme
asIwascr yi
ng,IwasdeeplyhurtandIdid
understandever
ythi
ngbutIwasnev ergonnabe
abl
et omakepeaceabouthi m sl
eepingwit
h
Kholo.
Icri
edsomuchinhi
sar
msI
'
m sur
ehor
mones
alsocont
ri
but
ed.
.
Nic:pl
easedon'tdothi
sEntleyoudon'tknow
howmuchIhat emy sel
fforevenmakingy ou
cry
.
Istoodupandwipedmyey est
henwentt
othe
room togetaf
ewt hi
ngs.
Ni
c:pl
easesaysomethi
ngyoucan'
tleavel
ike
t
hisMbal
i
eit'
snotheal
thyf
oryounorthebaby
Me:well
ifi
tdiesy
ou'
l
lberesponsibl
eyout
he
onewhowantedmetokeepitanyway
Hi
m: don'
tsayt
hatMbal
ent
leandi
t'
snoti
tit
's
ababy
Me:
leav
emeal
one
It
ookt
hebagandwal
kedout
Hi
m:okaypl
easet
aket
hecaratl
east
Me:
Noat
axi
wil
lbef
ine
Hest
oodi
nfr
ontofme
Him:thenyouarenotgoi
ngwearegonnat
alk
aboutthi
sli
keadult
s,st
optr
yingtol
eav
ewhen
thi
ngsgettoughweareacouple
It
hrewt
hebagont
hef
loor
Me:
Finei
'
llst
ayy
oul
eav
e
Hi
m:okayi
'
lll
eav
ebut
..
Me:
now
Hel
ookeddown
Hi
m:Il
ovey
out
henhewal
kedout
Iclosedt
hedoort hensatont hebed,thewas
nowayt olookatthesituati
onandjustif
yiti
t
suckedalotbutIhadt odeal wi
thit
.It
happenedandIwasn' taroundIalsolovedNici
t
alsohappenedthatIwascar ryi
nghischil
dtoo
.
Iwenttosleepthinki
ng,t
hefoll
owi
ngdayIwent
tobaththenwentbackt opj'
sNicwasstil
lnot
around.Itr
iedeatingwhil
ewatchi
ngTV.Ther e
wasaknockont hedoorIstoodupandwent
openitwasKhol o,Il
eftt
hedooropenthen
wenttositdownshef oll
owedme..
Her:
Mbal
z
Il
ookedather
Her:Nict oldmehet ol
dy ouandIwishhe
would'
vewai tedunti
l y
ougav ebir
thyoudon'
t
needthis, IknowIdon' tdeser
vetohavea
personlikey ouinmyl ifeandImostl
ydon't
deservey ourf or
giv
enessbutI '
m sor
rydeepl
y,I
havenoexcusef
orwhathappenedandI '
ve
beenregr
ett
ingi
teversi
nceithappenedandI
al
sounderst
andify
ounol ongerwanttosee
me.
Me: Ithoughtal
lnightaboutthi
sand
sur
prisingl
yIhaven'tdoneanyprogresst
o
comingupwi thasol ut
ionnowIaskedNicto
l
eavei'dbehappyi fyouwouldgot oo.
Shel
ookedatmewi
thsor
row
Me:
Go
Ist
oodupandwentbackt otheroom then
for
cedmy sel
ftosl
eep,Iwokeupi nt he
aft
ernoon.WhenIwenttothebathr oom
somethingwassmell
inginthekitchensoIwent
tocheckKholowastherecooking
Me:
whatar
eyoudoi
ng?
Her:
cooki
ngf
ory
ou,
youhav
etoeatpr
oper
f
ood
Me:
Icancookf
ormy
sel
fIt
houghty
oul
eft
Her:
Ichangedmymi
nd
Me:
I'
mreal
l
ynotupt
othi
s
Her: lookMbal i
ethingsarenotgonnabet he
samenowIknowbutI '
m notgonnal osey ou
againbecauseI '
m ashi t
yper son, I
'm ahor r
ibl
e
personbutaper sonthatlovesandcar esabout
youmor ethanyoucanev erimagine, y
ouar e
l
ikeasi sterIneverhad.Sor ryIwillforeverbe
sorry.Ialr
eadyliveabitt
erlifebecauseofwhat
happenedbutnowI '
mt r
yingt ogrowasa
personandI 'm withsomeonewhol ovesme
andwhopushesmet obebet terplease..
Me:youknowI'
m notmadatyounorNicIj
ust
don'
tknowhowIcanmakelovetohi
mt he
samewayknowi
nghisdoneitwi
thyou
Her:hedoesn'
tevenrememberhowi
twasI'
m
sur
ebecauseIalsodon'
twewerebot
htoo
wasted
Me:Okayokayt
oomuchinfor
mation,
justgi
ve
mespacei
'l
lmaket
hisworkokay
?Not
for
givi
ngyouwil
lonl
ymakemeabi
tt
erper
son
soIforgi
veyou
Her:
Thanky
ou
Shehuggedme
Me:
Okaygonow
Hee:
pleaseEati
t'
sreal
l
ygood
Me:
Iwi
l
l
Shet
ookherbagandl
eft
,It
ext
edNi
ctocome
home.
.
Thatwasthebaddestphaseofourr elat i
onship
butwenev erdiscussedabr eakupnev erev en
consi
dereditbecausenotev er
ythi
ngi ssol ved
whenyoul eavet heonlypersonthatgiv esy ou
l
ifemorethanai r, i
twashar dandittookabout
amont htofinall
ymakepeacewi thev ery t
hing
andforawhi lethingswerev er
yawkwar dbut
onethi
ngaboutmewast hatwhenIheal edI
wasabletoputt hingsbehindmeandbe
posi
ti
ve.Khol oandIst i
ll
remainedasf riendsI
won'tliesomeday sIwoul djustfeelt he
heavinessofmyhear twhenIwaswi thher
therewer eti
meswher emyheadwoul dmess
withmeandIwoul dgetal l emotional butIwas
pregnantso.thatwasanex cept i
on.My
rel
ationshipwithNicjustgr ewst rongerwith
everyflawwef acedwemadet he3y earswe
l
ostwi thouteachotherf eel l
i
ket heywer eworth
thewai t.
.hisparentswer ehappyIgott osee
hisli
ttl
ebr ot
herwhowasnowahandsome
youngmanv erybeaut i
ful,
thef ami l
ywas
togethermyunbor nbabywasheal t
hyandIwas
happy .

Wewokeuponemor ningandNi cwantedt o

t
akemeout ,soIdressedinal ongblackdr ess
wit
hpumpsIf ixedmy sel
fthenwel eftt
oan
I
tal
ianr
estaurant.Whenwear riv
edt heplace
wasall
setup
Me:
ist
hispl
aceal
way
sli
ket
his?
Ni
c:Idon'
tknowbabe
Hepull
edachai
rformewesatdownand
or
dered.
.
Ourfoodarr
ivedweate,whenwewer
ehav
ing
desertMusi
cstar
tedplayi
ng
Nicwalkedallt
hewayar
oundt
othet
abl
eand
kneel
edinfrontofme
Me:
whatar
eyoudoi
ng?
Hi
m:ssh
Het ookoutaboxandopenedit,
Adiamond
ri
ngappearedithadt
ineyspar
kli
ngcry
stal
'
sal
l
aroundthesi
des
Ni
c:Beaut
if
ulRose
Webot
hlaughed
Hi
m;Iwantt
obeser
iousbabeha.
a
Me:
arey
ouser
iousl
ypr
oposi
ngl
i
ket
hat
?
Il
aughed
Hi
m:St
opl
aughi
ng
Me:
Okaysor
ry
Him: Lookt hef irstdayImety oualmost4
yearsagoIwant edt ogett oknowy oubet t
er
usuallywi thmei twasal laboutf ucki
nggi r
lsbut
withy ouIdi dn'tthi nkwi thmydi ckIthought
withmyhear t,youknowI '
m asi mplebuty et
compl icat
edper sony ou'retheonl ywomant hat
willev erdeal andunder standmet hewayy ou
do.Nowgr owi ngupwechangedeachot hers
l
ives, IHur ty ouy ouhur tmebutwegr ew
strongerf rom al l that .Ilovey oumor ethanl i
fe
i
tsel fwe' vebeent hr oughal otbabysomany
dramat icthingsbutwemadei touttogether,
nowy ouar ecar ryingmybabyandIwantherI
knowi t'sgonnabeagi rl: )
, Iwanthert obe
bornundermynameandIwantt ospendt he
restofmyl ifewi thy ou,Iwannacont inueseeing
yougl owwheny ouseemydi mples,Iwanna
heary ougi ggleal l thet i
meIknowImakey ou
l
aughal otandy oudot oothat '
swhyourl i
fewill
for
everbef
il
ledwi
thhappi
nesswel
ookbey
ond
pai
n.
"
EdSheer
an-
Phot
ogr
aphst
art
edpl
ayi
ng"
Him:t
hisi
slongandbor
ingbutIhav
etomake
sur
eyouknow
Ismi
l
ed
Me:
it'
snot
Him: Iwantt ocont i
nuewat chyousl eepand
playwi thyourhai runti
lwegr owol d,we'
llhave
alovel yhomeandanamazi ngfami l
yIwana
sharet hatwi thyouandonl yyou, whenIt ol
dCjI
want edt oproposeheaskedwhydoIwanna
Mar yy oumyanswerwassi mpl
e" BecauseIsee
somet hi
ngi '
venev erseeninany oneinyour
eyes, Str
engt h,Love,you'r
esmar tyouchal l
enge
meandIr especty ousomuchbutmost lyIsee
ahomeandaf ut
ureiny ou"
Hi
m: MarryMeMbalent
leColl
i
nsandhel
pme
st
artbui
l
dingf
orev
erwit
hy ou.
Me: Thear
enowordsthatcoul
dev
ercometo
expr
esshowIfeel
,Yesbabyi'
l
lmar
ryyouIl
ove
yousomuch.
Tearsr andownmyf ace,heinsertedther i
ngin
myf i
ngert henstoodupandhuggedme.He
star
tedspi nni
ngmear oundthenev eryonewas
cheeringthewer eball
oonsandgl itt
er
everywher e,
iwasf i
l
ledwi thjoyandhappi ness
andev erythi
ngallt
oget heratonceIcoul dn'
t
expl
aini t.Iwasgoingt ohavemyownl i
ttl
e
famil
ysomet hi
ngInev erhadbutNi cmadei t
possible.
Iwassoont obeMr sCoopersomethi
ngI
could'
veonlydr eamtaboutbutHewasmyf i
rst
,
l
astandf oreverLov emywor l
dthepersonwho
nevergaveuponme, t
hepersonwhochanged
meandhowIl ookedatthingsbutmost
i
mpor tant
lytheper sonwhomadememakehi m
abet t
erperson.
Theonl
ythi
ngLef
tWi
thi
nwasEt
ernal
Lov
e.
TheEnd.