February 2023

Five things I’ve learned or internalized over the past month, in no particular order.

1. Growing up, I vastly underestimated my personal investment in swamp infrastructure.

2. Your favorite variety of flowers are irises.
3. I really appreciate having a running conversation w/ you over the course of the day.
4. You have the prettiest pale blue eyes.
5. Successful sleep scheduling significantly supports maintaining meaningfully meandering
musings.
6. I’m not as great with counting, alliteration, or ending lists as I thought.

Honorable mention (because I already was pretty solid on this): Very few things make me as
happy as eliciting one of your chuckles or smirks, especially when it comes out of the corner of
my eye.

March 2023
Five things I’ve learned or internalized over the past month, in no particular order.

1. Girlfriend has a *much* better ring to it than "girl I am dating"

2. Knowing God has a plan isn't super helpful if I panic before He reveals it.

3. Favoring a foot on uneven terrain doesn't hurt the boot, it hurts the glute.

4. Your middle name is Joy. I'm surprised that hadn't come up before. It seems like the kind of
thing I would have remembered.

5. Coming from one of the most affluent areas in North America to one of the least, I take *so*
much for granted.

Honorable mention: Holding hands is nice. We should do that more.

April 2023
Five things I’ve learned or internalized over the past month, in no particular order.

1.

2. The Iron Quadrilateral: Work, School, Social, Church: Pick three.

3.

4.

5.

An essay of an honorable mention:

The Sunday before Easter, we were talking about our relationship, and in doing so, we entered
new and uncharted territory.

At no point in my consideration (admittedly minimal and lacking practical experience) did I have
you initiating any variation of “I love you”. As is my instinct and habit, when faced with an
unexpected situation, I stated what I knew to be technically correct and started to process
things. The next few days were a whirlwind of self-examination, prayer, and consultation with
trusted advisors.

Here’s what I knew:

1) I haven’t ever felt this way about anyone before. I value you, cherish you, respect you. You
are intensely interesting and attractive. I find myself unconsciously factoring you into thoughts,
plans, and aspirations. Your presence manages to be simultaneously comfortable and
exhilarating.

2) I didn’t care for the moment of hesitation before my response.

3) I was left unsatisfied when I repeated your exact wording, despite it being thoroughly true.

From this base, I had a serious question to answer. “I think I might love you, too.” On which
words were the emphasis?

“I think”. Obviously. I think constantly: often endlessly about some consideration or another,
rarely is there less than two trains of thought running at any given point. However, so often I find
I've been thinking about something adjacent to the issue, rather than the issue itself.
“I might”. What a wonderful word might is. Chock full of possibility, capability, and uncertainty.

“Love”. What a tricky, multifaceted, delight of a word. What other word regularly applies to
parents, offspring, weather, deity, romance, movies, pets, and french fries?

I grappled with the differences between loving someone and *being* in love. Obviously, there
was a difference here between the highly valued closeness I have with my trusted friends, many
of whom I end conversations with a “love you, buddy”. This isn’t a flighty infatuation I
experienced in freshman year upon meeting a smart, pretty girl who loved the Lord. This is a
confluence of emotion, thoughts, desires, attitudes, and aspirations altogether more than the
sum of its parts. A prism of cultural expressions, writings, and collected wisdom leaves me ill-
equipped to evaluate this. It has consistently defied my expectation, definition, and cogitation. It
is the most delightfully frustrating experience.

After a week of contemplation, I believe I have sussed out the source of my initial discomfort. I
was anxious that despite speaking truth, the phrase lacked certainty. Initially, I was worried the
lack fell to my feelings. Now, I stand disappointed with the words I deployed themself.

There are many things I don’t know; certainly fewer I’m willing to admit. However, I’m pretty sure
that I love you. And in no uncertain terms: I am looking forward to figuring out together what that
means.