today we're going to talk about how to

use emotion to cultivate discipline

because when it comes to discipline we

all know we need it but we don't really

know how to get more of it I remember

when I was growing up my mom would

always get on my case for being

undisciplined you're always going to

sleep too late you are waking up too

late you're not doing your things on

time or like you need more discipline

and I was like all right I hear you I

sort of get that I should be waking up

every day on time I should be eating

healthy exercising studying all that

good stuff I'm game how do I become more

disciplined and then she's like well you

need to wake up every day at the same

time then you will be disciplined and I

got kind of confused because I was like

wait a second don't I need discipline

first to wake up every day at the same

time if you're ready to take the next

step on your mental health Journey check

out Dr K's guide it's an immersive

resource that distills over 20 years of

my experience laid out in a way that is

tailored to your needs so if you're

ready to better understand your mind and

take control of it check out the link in

the description below and so if we sort

of think about discipline part of the

reason it's so hard to cultivate is

because we do don't really understand

what it is we think of discipline as the

exertion of willpower but you can exert

willpower for a day or maybe two but

over time at some point you're going to

start failing right you can wake up

every day or you can wake up at 7 A.M

the first day the second day the third

day you can make a New Year's resolution

where you're like I'm gonna eat healthy

and you exert willpower for a time and

eventually willpower runs out and this

is why everyone's so focused on habits

right because okay if you can build a

habit it's all about building habits

then I don't need willpower but a habit

is about automatic Behavior it's about

sort of being reflexive but what about

discipline what about these people who

are like focused over time and can

cultivate this discipline and it turns

out the reason it's so hard to cultivate

is because we don't understand what it

is discipline is actually an emotion now

that may sound really confusing because

we don't think about discipline as an

emotion but this is something that I

sort of figured out when I was working

as an addiction psychiatrist I was

working with all these people who were

addicted to substances stuff like heroin

and Cohen pain and adderall and alcohol

marijuana and I really was trying to

figure out like okay how do we help this

person how can I help this person

overcome this addiction and we sort of

teach meditation right we teach

mindfulness we teach them how to sort of

increase their willpower and resist

impulses but I got kind of fundamentally

confused because what an addict needs is

discipline but if you look at the

science of psychotherapy what are we

talking about with addicts all the time

we're not sending them to boot camp to

sort of train really hard and become

disciplined we're talking to them about

their feelings so how does that work how

is it that because if you think about

overcoming an addiction someone needs a

lot of discipline to overcome an

addiction and yet at the same time when

we sort of think a little bit about okay

how do you help someone become sober

you're doing emotional work and the

answer is actually pretty surprising

that common Neuroscience has actually

led us astray and we don't really

understand what emotion is so what's

happened in Neuroscience is we've

figured out that there are emotional

structures in the brain and it's kind of

common knowledge now that if you look at

things like the amygdala and limbic

system you have these centers of the

brain these anatomical structures where

emotion exists like fear and anxiety and

things like that we have all these brain

scans that show that these are the

emotional centers of the brain but this

is actually a huge misconception so we

have a anxiety Center and that's

absolutely in the amygdala we have a

fear Center and that's absolutely in the

amygdala but what about the positive

emotions where is the humor center of

the brain where is the joy center of the

brain where is the love center of the

brain and this is where we really have

to get out into the specifics of the

Neuroscience but we've actually all been

LED astray because negative emotions are

localized to anatomical structures but

as we move into the positive emotions

people are kind of confused about where

they are right you can go to a

psychotherapist and they can teach you

how to be less anxious we're really good

at working on that but can you go to a

psychotherapist to be more funny can you

go to a psychotherapist to actually

learn Joy and that's not where we

actually go right and where are the

Traditions that we sort of find this

knowledge it's actually in yoga and

meditation in places like Zen Buddhism

so if you look at sort of the what Zen

Buddhists are really good at they're

really great at understanding humor they

actually use humor as a path to

Enlightenment and I'd love to share with

you all a story that kind of exemplifies

this so when I was studying in the

ashram I had a teacher who sort of told

me the story that was brilliant so there

was a master

who's teaching people to meditate and he

had a lot of disciples so they would

wake up every morning at 4 30 in the

morning and they'd go to the meditation

Hall to meditate the problem is as the

monks were sitting there trying to

meditate there was a cat that lived in

the ashram or the monastery and the cat

would get pretty excited because now

everyone's awake and everyone's kind of

sitting down and trying to meditate and

the cat starts messing with people right

it gets excited it starts walking on one

monk starts walking on another Monk just

interferes with their meditation and so

the master looks at this and realizes

okay this cat is interfering with

everyone's meditation so he tells his

his disciples he says okay when the cat

shows up the first thing we need to do

is put a bucket on top of the cat for

like 45 minutes while we meditate then

we're gonna lift the bucket and then the

cat can do whatever it wants so the the

monks start doing this the disciples

start doing this but they put a cat

under the bucket and then everyone's

able to meditate so over time the master

teaches this lesson and says okay before

we start to meditate the most important

thing to do is to put the bucket on the

cat and everyone's like okay Master we

got it and if anyone screwed up and

forgot to put the bucket on the cat the

cat would interfere with everyone's

meditation so the master taught this

principle to one disciple after another

after another make sure before you start

to meditate you put a bucket on the cat

so then the master dies and everyone's

like okay that's you know that's okay

we're gonna mourn the master but the

master taught all this stuff so we're

going to continue doing it and so they

continue to get up every day they

continue to put the bucket on the cat

and then one day something weird happens

a couple years later the cat dies and

now suddenly all the monks are in a

panic they're like what do we do what do

we do what do we do there's no there's

no we can't put the bucket on the cat

and the master taught us the first thing

you should do anytime you meditate is

put the bucket on the cat what do we do

and someone else is like I know let's go

find a new cat and that's exactly what

they did

so this is what I love about the

tradition of meditation when it comes to

sort of the cultivation of positive

emotions how do we find joy how do we

find humor this is where the yogis and

Zen Masters really figured something out

and when I was struggling as an

addiction psychiatrist to try to figure

out how can I help my patients be more

disciplined I actually went to an

ancient yogic text it's one of the

upanishads that sort of blew my mind as

I tried to understand where in the mind

discipline comes from so I'm going to

share with that with you all now

so let's start with one basic

observation that the yogis made the

first observation that they made is that

opposites are in the same category right

so we can say that red and blue let's

say are opposite colors but they're both

colors hot and cold are both within the

same category of temperature heavy and

light are in the same category of weight

and so then that when they looked at

discipline they tried to figure out okay

what is it that causes a lack of

discipline and what they concluded is

that doubt or a wavering mind is the

opposite of discipline and so they kind

of looked at people and they said okay

what is it why is it that someone stops

being disciplined well what they doubt

right so if I think about a marriage

where I'm starting to like be

uncommitted to my partner I'm not

disciplined in terms of the marriage

what's at the root of that it's doubt I

don't know if this person is right for

me I know that maybe like I felt this

and maybe you'll feel this too where if

you sort of think about what causes what

keeps you from being disciplined with

studies right so if you're if you kind

of think about it like maybe you chose

to major in like engineering or some

some stem field and you want to be super

disciplined about it but you're not

really sure that you like it you're not

really sure if it's right for you so you

wake up every day and you try really

hard and you kind of end up getting B's

and A's and maybe an occasional C but

you just don't have that fire or that

discipline to really work the way that

you need to and why is that it's because

in the back your mind you're not sure

you're not sure that this is what you

want to do you're not sure that this is

the right thing and so the doubt gets in

the way of discipline the next thing

that the yogi sort of discovered is that

okay if doubt gets in the way of

discipline what is the opposite of doubt

and they used a slightly different word

I this is all in Sanskrit but they

translated that not as disciplined but

as resolve so what is the opposite of

Doubt well the opposite is resolve and

as I started to look at that I kind of

stumbled into this thing that really

helped me help my patients a lot which

is that I don't need to cultivate

discipline what I really need to do is

cultivate resolve because when someone

is resolved internally

then what they end up behaving like is

disciplined right so when I wake up

let's say on New Year's Day and I have a

New Year's resolution and it's even

baked into the language what is that New

Year's resolution it is a resolve the

problem is that we are never taught how

to cultivate resolve right we make them

all the time but then we don't keep it

going and that too is consistent with

emotion because if we look at which

parts of our body change or which parts

of our brain change habits are pretty

fixed our willpower even as sort of a

battery that has a certain amount of

energy in it but what is it that

fluctuates on a day-to-day basis in the

mind the most it is actually emotions if

you're angry today you won't necessarily

be angry tomorrow Falling in Love Today

doesn't necessarily mean that you're

going to be in love 10 years from now so

what resolve really is is actually an

emotion and if you've been resolved at

some point in your life you know what I

mean when you kind of think about those

moments where you get resolved right

you're like I'm gonna pass this class or

I'm going to be at the top in my class

or I'm gonna get a 4.0 or I'm done with

this person I am never texting this

person again I'm never playing another

game of League of Legends or I'm never

playing another game of DOTA I'm done

with video games what is that right

that's a resolve It's actually an

emotional kind of thing and this is

what's really interesting is once I sort

of stumbled on this through yoga I

started to wonder well hold on a second

is resolve actually an emotion and I

went back to actually more recent and

sophisticated Neuroscience where it's

kind of shocking but if we sort of look

at this together

we look at this table what we'll see is

core and extended emotional brain

circuitry components and if you all are

amateur neuroscientists you know that

the amygdala in the limbic system or

where we sort of think about where

emotions exist but if you look at all

this this is complicated right this is

parts of our frontal lobes this is Parts

like our anterior cingulate cortex and

if we look at these emotional circuits

in the brain what you sort of discover

is that a lot of positive emotion

actually comes from circuits not

anatomical structures so this is where

we have to get a little bit technical

but one of the things that we a lot of

people kind of don't get is that

functions in the brain can come from two

places they can sometimes come from an

anatomical structure like an amygdala

that is kind of like surrounded it's a

chunk of tissue that emotion comes from

but the other place that's that that

like stuff can come from in the brain

isn't a structure it's actually a

circuit it's a series of connections

from different parts of the brain and

the really interesting thing is that

positive emotions come from circuits so

if we look at something like love there

is not a love Center in the brain there

is not a part of the brain where if you

get a stroke or you get some kind of

problem you will never be able to love

again I mean there may be multiple areas

that you can get strokes that will sort

of interfere with love but there are

some of these more positive emotions

that come from the harmony or the the

communication between different parts of

the brain and resolve is absolutely one

of those things so if we look at the

brain of someone who is resolved there's

stuff going on in the frontal lobes

there's going on in the limbic system

there's stuff going on in places like

the anterior cingulate cortex and so

this is where Neuroscience kind of falls

short because we're not really good at

sort of activating those circuits and if

you want to cultivate discipline what

you actually need to do is not cultivate

willpower that's a different function in

the brain not cultivate habit but

actually cultivate resolve on a daily

basis and the cool thing is just like

the Zen Masters figured out where the

nature of humor is and they sort of tell

all these hilarious stories they were

the original comedians

we can actually turn to yoga to teach us

how to cultivate resolve so the first

thing that I'm going to tell you all to

do is notice when you feel resolved

right so the next time that you feel

resolved just take a snapshot of it

close your eyes and try to sort of

notice what is the experience of resolve

and what you'll discover is that resolve

fuels your willpower right when you get

resolved in something and then you start

to do it the doubts and other kind of

ideas and distractions will pop into

your head but there's this like there's

this thermonuclear engine within you

that is fueling that willpower so you're

able to say no no no I'm resolved no

games today no distractions today I'm

focused I'm resolved it's actually

emotional so the first step is to

actually notice what it is the second

thing that we're going to talk about is

something called a sankalpa which is

something that literally translates to

resolve but what Yogi's actually figured

out is that there is a practice to

develop a sankarpa and we're going to

talk about that now

so what I I strongly recommend that

y'all do is pick one thing that you want

to be resolved towards and there are

kind of two versions that we're going to

do one is sort of a very specific thing

and one is kind of a broad thing so you

can pick any kind of resolve so I for

example gave up ice cream for a decade

and this was part of my yogic practice

that my teacher was teaching me how to

develop resolve so I didn't pick

something that was hard I picked

something that was like relatively easy

it was like kind of like medium

difficulty because you don't want to if

someone's learning how to swim you don't

want to dump them in the ocean you want

to start them in the kiddie pool so the

first mistake that we oftentimes make

when sort of trying to become

disciplined is we pick something that's

really really important to us the

problem is that the things that are

really really important to us usually

are hard and that's why that's important

to us right because we haven't been able

to do it they have a lot of emotional

energy so we're not practicing we're

going right up on stage and Performing

so I gave up ice cream for a period of

about 10 years so you can pick one one

thing that I would say is kind of medium

difficulty and ideally every day which I

know is going to be hard but what you

can hopefully do is every day when you

wake up somewhere within the first hour

or hour and a half of your day close

your eyes sit down somewhere and just

think about that resolve right so try to

kind of stoke up that fire resolve

within you and okay this is going to be

the thing that like you know this is

what I'm focused on I'm going to give up

ice cream that's what I did so I think

it's fine to pick some kind of food or

something that's not like too hard to

resist right because we don't want to

rely on a ton of willpower for our

success we want to focus on the

consistency of the resolve and spend

about five to ten minutes in the morning

just focusing on that resolve and try to

feel whatever that internal emotional

state is that you kind of took a

snapshot of in step one try to feel that

coming up again let yourself kind of

open yourself to it hard to describe you

know it's kind of weird like you just

have to practice and you'll figure out

what I mean and sort of start to stoke

that resolve okay so like no ice cream

today I can do this I feel good about it

you know like this is going to help me

in my long-term goal so sort of think

through that resolve and just give that

resolve a calm space in your mind that

will cause the resolve to kind of grow

the second kind of resolve that you can

do is something that's a little bit more

Global and something that's a little bit

more emotionally charged so if there is

something that is really important to

you in life I would say sit down and

spend a little bit longer this usually

takes 10 minutes 15 minutes 20 minutes

and think about that resolve so one

example of resolve that I've used with a

patient is I deserve to be whole it's

not that I am whole it's not that I will

be whole it's that I deserve to be whole

and it can take some time to try to

figure out what's the right resolve for

you you know really think about like

what you can resonate with that is

something that you want to move towards

and resolve that towards yourself

develop that sangulpa and for about 10

to 20 minutes as many days as you can

manage start with just today try to do

tomorrow try to do the next day

think about that resolve and let those

emotions come up we want to cultivate

those emotions kind of like a fire and

if you practice these three steps the

first is take a snapshot of it the

second is you can start with something

small that is not actually that

emotionally engaging so that you can

practice Fanning the flames and the

third thing is to pick a resolve that is

more important I'd say you can move on

to step three after about 30 days of

step two then you want to start

cultivating that emotion on a daily

basis and the cool thing about that is

that as we cultivate literally sit down

and for 20 minutes cultivate that

positive emotion through that sungalpa

on a daily basis

that emotional energy will carry over

through discipline we don't have fmri

studies of people doing sunkulpas and

meditative techniques but it is my firm

belief that when you do this you will be

activating that positive emotional

circuitry in every part of your brain

the last thing to think a little bit

about is what are some of the things

that get in the way of this so I made

one really interesting observation

clinically which is that people who are

undisciplined are numb and you may have

sort of noticed this that if you crave

discipline
you're emotionally kind of numb right

like you really want this thing you

really want this thing but every day

kind of feels like a drab gray kind of

like not super high highs not super low

lows or maybe you're getting completely

overwhelmed by emotion and if we sort of

think about the the connection between

being undisciplined and being numb

what's going on there is if discipline

is an emotion and we're feeling numb all

the time we don't have the capacity to

really cultivate or Stoke that positive

emotion and so even though we use this

numbness as a protection against

negative emotions because my life isn't

going anywhere I'm screwing up I'm not

going anywhere or I'm just doing average

I can't really give it my all and I want

to give it my all and what what do you

do with those kind of thoughts and those

emotions you numb and numb them out you

numb them out through technology you

numb them out through marijuana you numb

them out by just pushing them to the

sides but the problem is that when we

numb our emotions out we numb the

positive stuff too right so if you kind

of think about it you can't just numb

your negative emotions we can't just

numb the anxiety and feel happiness and

joy and love and excitement all the time

either we feel everything or we feel

nothing at all so one of the problems

with this technique that sometimes

people run into is that they're Alexa

thymic so we've got a whole video about

that and some of these other aspects

that relate to the sort of cultivation

of positive emotion so definitely check

those videos out my hope is that at the

end of this video you will have gained a

new understanding on why you cannot be

disciplined and the core reason you

can't be disciplined is because we don't

really understand what it is it's not

willpower and it's not habit it's

actually emotion but common Neuroscience

in the way that like sophisticated

Neuroscience gets buried by simple

Neuroscience gives us this idea that

discipline actually isn't an emotion but

it absolutely is and once you understand

that you have a whole new dimension to

actually work on cultivating your

discipline

[Music]

foreign