The graph below shows the changes in UK birth rate of women in 6 different age

groups from 1973 to 2008

The line graph demonstrates the variations experienced by the UK birth rate across six age
cohorts over a 35-year period.

Overall, the youngest age group held a dominant role in the diagram. It is also noteworthy
that the rate of giving birth declined with the women's age.

In 1973, people aged 25-29 had the highest birth rate at around 140 in 1000, which doubled
the starting point of the 30-35 age range. Over the following two decades, the former group
witnessed significant fluctuation from 120 to below 140 out of 1000, before plateuing at
roughly 120 till the end. Meanwhile, the figure for 30-35 age demographic increased
consistently, and reached 2008 after a rise of around 15 out of 1000. Conversely, the women
lying in the age of 20 to 25 showed steeply declining fertility rate and stood at over 90 out of
1000 people by 2008, yet ranked higher than the 30-35 range.

In terms of the remaining demographics, people of the oldest bracket registered at the most
modest rate (merely 20 out of 1000 individuals), halving the figure for the 35-39 group of
age. The starting figure for people younger than 20 was precisely 60 out of 1000, higher
than the these categories. However, it then witnesses a declining rate from 60 to merely 40
in 2008, prior to a conjunction with the 35-39 age bracket around 1990. As for the 35-39
group, whose birth rate climbed remarkably and reached its record-high in the end (over 60
out of 1000 people), whereas that of the oldest counterpart decreased modestly to rank the
lowest of the chart.

Sửa lỗi ngữ pháp nâng cao

Certainly! Let's correct and explain the grammar errors in the essay:

Error: The line graph demonstrates the variations experienced by the UK birth rate across
six age cohorts over a 35-year period. Correction: The line graph demonstrates the
variations experienced by the UK birth rate across six age cohorts over a 35-year period.
Explanation: The sentence is grammatically correct.

Error: Overall, the youngest age group held a dominant role in the diagram. Correction:
Overall, the youngest age group held a dominant role in the data. Explanation: "Diagram"
should be replaced with "data" because we are referring to the information presented rather
than the graphical representation itself.

Error: It is also noteworthy that the rate of giving birth declined with the women's age.
Correction: It is also noteworthy that the birth rate declined with women's age. Explanation:
"Giving birth" should be replaced with "birth rate" for clarity and proper terminology. Also,
"the women's age" should be corrected to "women's age" because we are discussing age in
general, not specific women.

Error: In 1973, people aged 25-29 had the highest birth rate at around 140 in 1000, which
doubled the starting point of the 30-35 age range. Correction: In 1973, people aged 25-29
had the highest birth rate at around 140 per 1000, which was double the starting point of the
30-35 age range. Explanation: "In 1000" should be replaced with "per 1000" for clarity. Also,
"doubled" should be "was double" for correct grammar.
Error: Over the following two decades, the former group witnessed significant fluctuation
from 120 to below 140 out of 1000, before plateuing at roughly 120 till the end. Correction:
Over the following two decades, the former group witnessed significant fluctuation from 120
to below 140 per 1000, before plateauing at roughly 120 until the end. Explanation: "Out of
1000" should be "per 1000" for clarity. "Plateuing" should be corrected to "plateauing," which
means to remain at a stable level.

Error: Meanwhile, the figure for 30-35 age demographic increased consistently, and reached
2008 after a rise of around 15 out of 1000. Correction: Meanwhile, the figure for the 30-35
age demographic increased consistently, and reached 200 in 2008 after a rise of around 15
per 1000. Explanation: "2008" should be corrected to "200" for clarity. "Out of 1000" should
be "per 1000" for clarity.

Error: Conversely, the women lying in the age of 20 to 25 showed steeply declining fertility
rate and stood at over 90 out of 1000 people by 2008, yet ranked higher than the 30-35
range. Correction: Conversely, women in the age group of 20 to 25 showed a steeply
declining fertility rate and stood at over 90 per 1000 people by 2008, yet ranked higher than
the 30-35 range. Explanation: "The women lying in the age of 20 to 25" should be corrected
to "women in the age group of 20 to 25" for clarity. "Out of 1000 people" should be "per 1000
people" for clarity.

Error: In terms of the remaining demographics, people of the oldest bracket registered at the
most modest rate (merely 20 out of 1000 individuals), halving the figure for the 35-39 group
of age. Correction: In terms of the remaining demographics, people in the oldest bracket
registered at the most modest rate (merely 20 per 1000 individuals), halving the figure for the
35-39 age group. Explanation: "Out of 1000 individuals" should be "per 1000 individuals" for
clarity. "Group of age" should be "age group" for correct grammar.

Error: The starting figure for people younger than 20 was precisely 60 out of 1000, higher
than the these categories. Correction: The starting figure for people younger than 20 was
precisely 60 per 1000, higher than these categories. Explanation: "Out of 1000" should be
"per 1000" for clarity. "The these categories" should be corrected to "these categories."

Error: However, it then witnesses a declining rate from 60 to merely 40 in 2008, prior to a
conjunction with the 35-39 age bracket around 1990. Correction: However, it then
witnessed a declining rate from 60 to merely 40 in 2008, prior to converging with the 35-39
age bracket around 1990. Explanation: "It then witnesses" should be corrected to "it then
witnessed" for correct verb tense. "Prior to a conjunction with" should be corrected to "prior
to converging with" for clarity and correctness.

Error: As for the 35-39 group, whose birth rate climbed remarkably and reached its record-
high in the end (over 60 out of 1000 people), whereas that of the oldest counterpart
decreased modestly to rank the lowest of the chart. Correction: As for the 35-39 group,
whose birth rate climbed remarkably and reached its record high at the end (over 60 per
1000 people), whereas that of the oldest group decreased modestly to rank the lowest on
the chart. Explanation: "Over 60 out of 1000 people" should be "over 60 per 1000 people"
for clarity. "Rank the lowest of the chart" should be "rank the lowest on the chart."

This concludes the corrections for the essay. Let me know if you have any further questions!

Task Achievement
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear
overview of the main trends in the UK birth rate across different age groups from 1973 to
2008. Key features and trends are highlighted and illustrated with relevant data points from
the graph. The essay effectively presents the variations in birth rates among different age
cohorts over the 35-year period, demonstrating an understanding of the data provided.

How to improve: To further improve, the essay could extend its discussion of key features
and trends, providing more detailed analysis where appropriate. Additionally, ensuring the
accuracy of all data points and avoiding repetition would enhance the clarity and coherence
of the essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, providing clear
progression throughout the text. Each paragraph presents a central topic, focusing on
different age groups and their corresponding birth rates. The writer effectively uses cohesive
devices, such as transition words and phrases, to connect ideas within and between
sentences. Paragraphing is sufficiently managed, with clear breaks between different
aspects of the analysis. However, there are some instances of overuse of certain cohesive
devices, which slightly affect the overall coherence. For instance, the repetitive use of
phrases like "the figure for" and "out of 1000" could have been varied for better cohesion.

How to improve: To further enhance coherence and cohesion, try varying sentence
structures and using a wider range of cohesive devices to avoid repetition. Additionally, pay
attention to the balance between cohesion and coherence to ensure a seamless flow of
ideas without any distractions for the reader.

Lexical Resource
Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay effectively uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey the
information. It employs terms such as "variations," "fluctuation," "demographic," and
"plateuing," which contribute to the overall lexical richness. The writer demonstrates some
awareness of style and collocation by using phrases like "the youngest age group held a
dominant role" and "witnessed significant fluctuation." While there are occasional errors in
word choice and word formation, such as "plateuing" instead of "plateauing" and "merely"
instead of "only," these do not significantly hinder understanding. Overall, the vocabulary
usage allows for flexibility and precision in conveying the information.

How to improve: To further enhance lexical resource, aim for more varied expressions and
avoid minor inaccuracies in word choice and formation. Additionally, ensure consistency in
spelling and precision in the usage of uncommon lexical items.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Band Score: 7
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable grasp of grammatical structures,
utilizing a variety of complex sentences and effectively conveying the information of the
graph. There is a consistent effort to employ a range of sentence structures, aiding in
coherence and cohesion. Despite occasional minor errors, the majority of the sentences are
error-free, showcasing good control of grammar and punctuation.

How to improve: To further enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining
sentence structures for greater clarity and precision. Pay attention to verb agreement, tense
consistency, and the use of conjunctions to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
Additionally, proofreading for minor errors such as subject-verb agreement and punctuation
can help elevate the overall accuracy of the essay.

Bài chữa tham khảo

The provided line graph illustrates changes in the birth rate of women across six different
age groups in the UK from 1973 to 2008.

Initially, it is evident that the youngest age group exhibited the highest birth rate throughout
the period under consideration. Notably, there was a consistent decrease in birth rates as
women's ages increased.

In 1973, individuals aged 25-29 experienced the highest birth rate, peaking at approximately
140 per 1000, which was double the rate of the 30-35 age group. Over the subsequent
decades, the 25-29 age group saw fluctuations, ranging from 120 to just below 140 per
1000, before stabilizing at around 120 by the end of the period. Conversely, the 30-35 age
group witnessed a steady increase in birth rates, reaching approximately 2008 after a
gradual rise of around 15 per 1000. Meanwhile, women aged 20-25 experienced a
significant decline in fertility rates, with figures standing at over 90 per 1000 by 2008, yet still
higher than those of the 30-35 age group.

Regarding the remaining age demographics, individuals in the oldest age bracket had the
lowest birth rate, with only around 20 per 1000 individuals, which was half the rate of the 35-
39 age group. The youngest age group, those under 20, started with a birth rate of precisely
60 per 1000, which then declined to around 40 by 2008, intersecting with the 35-39 age
group around 1990. Notably, the birth rate for the 35-39 age group experienced a significant
increase, reaching a record high of over 60 per 1000 individuals by the end of the period,
while the oldest age group saw a modest decrease, ranking the lowest on the chart.