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Ghetto King by Nomfundo Mbhele

Introduction
(Finally it's time to wrap up the last call, remove the headsets
and shut down the system. I lie back on my chair and close my
eyes, regrets start assailing. I try to go back to the first day we
met, I really thought he had everything, that I won myself a
jackpot but who the hell was I kidding? I'm pregnant now and I
need to get rid of this baby. I'm not going to hold my life back
by having a baby with a guy who has nothing.)
Tholi!!!
(I open my eyes and swing over with my chair, it's Mandy. A
friend and a colleague. She looks beautiful. Today she is
wearing a maroon weave, yesterday she was wearing a green
one. She changes weaves more than I change my underwear,
her makeup is on point as always, she doesn't use cheap
makeup, her boyfriend is a teacher and he takes care of her.
This is the life I wanted for myself. Mandy is living my life and
I'm probably living Zaza's life from next door who just wants a
job, any job, who thinks working in a call center is everyone's
dream job, nx! stupid girl. I don't have much, not even a matric
certificate so there are no closed doors that are waiting for me
to open. I need a bloody man with a key already to open those
doors for me. I made a vow to myself that I would never ever
date a broke guy, I don't want to build with any man, I want a
man who has built a life for himself already. I have nothing to
offer, I have nothing to bring to the table
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I am the table so they must bring to me.)

Me : Hey

Mandy : Are you sleeping here?

(I chuckle)

Me : No
Mandy : Do you need a lift? I can ask Monde to drop you off.

(Monde is her "Squmama" that I told you about. Her boyfriend,

who does everything for her. The only reason Mandy is working
is because…. I don't know)

Me : No, I'll take a taxi. Taxis finish at 22h00

(My shift is from 14h00 to 21h00, Monday to Friday.)

Mandy : Are you sure?

Me : Yes, please excuse me. I need a bathroom

(I take my bags and her to the bathroom. I wash my face. I

don't want Mandy near me because the more I speak to her the
more she irritates me. Our cleaner Sis Angel walks in)

Sis Angel : Oh I didn't know someone was still here. Hi Tholi

(I smile)

Me : Sis Angel, no I need to pee before I…..

(I point at the door)

Sis Angel : Okay

(I pick up my bag near the sink and head out.)

Sis Angel : Aibo! Didn't you say you want to pee?

(I walk away, ignoring her. It's almost empty when I got out.
The moment the clock hits 21h00 every agent wants to leave
this building, they push each other on these turnstiles because
everyone wants to get out first.)

Me : Oh no
(I whisper to myself as soon as I see him speaking to our
security guard. He is laughing with the security guard while
squashing his cap in his hands. His black BMW M3 E30 that's
written Ghetto King on the windscreen is parked outside the
gate. I hate that car with all my heart, it's an old car for crying
out loud. How did I fall for that skhotheni? But I love him, I love
him so much, the problem is that he is just not who I think he
was. We met 2 months ago at his friend's party and I fell in love
with him. His name is Nqabayethu Zungu)

Me : Nqaba

(He melts as always)

Nqabayethu : Skhukhukazi sami

(I roll my eyes. I mean why on earth would he call me his hen, a

whole chicken? Really? Why did he not call me by babe? Love?
Sweetheart?)
Me : Why are you here?

Nqabayethu : Baba nisale kahle Mageba

(He says his goodbye to our security guard and puts back his
cap. I get inside the car and he also gets in.)

Nqabayethu : Simtholile, what do you mean why I'm here?

Me : Because I didn't know you were coming

Nqabayethu : But ngikucelile ukuthi ungivale namhlanje

Me : No you didn't ask me to visit you… Awusho where are we

going to sleep?

(I've never been to his house. Whenever I visit him, we sleep

"emajiteni" his friends. He borrows his friend's room and that's
where this baby was conceived a month ago, at his friend's
house. So I already know the answer to my question, he will ask
one of his friends.)

Nqabayethu : Ngizohlanganisa emajiteni

(There we go.)

Me : I thought as much. Why don't we go to your house?

Nqabayethu : There are no lights, the Nyaope boys stole the

electricity cables.

Me : We will use candles

(He shakes his head and starts his car. His car make that
"nxantshintshi" sound before it roars like an old tired lion.
Thank God my friends are not here to hear this or I was going to
be a laughing stock tomorrow. Oh Simtholile Mhayise what
have you got yourself into?)
1
(We got to Dube Village Mall and from there he took the road
on his left. He is not saying anything, I'm not saying anything
either. He drove past Inhlonipho Primary School, there was a
short gravel road on my right, he drove through that gravel
road and he finally stopped and turned off his car. There is a
house in front of us, it doesn't look like there are people staying
here. The grass is a bit overgrown all over the yard. Nqabayethu
sighs and gets out of the car)

Nqabayethu : Come

(He says outside the car. I get out and follow him. He looks so
tense, his jaws keep moving along with the temples of his head.
He searches for the key to open the door amongst those he had
in his hand.)

Nqabayethu : Awukhanyise la

(I take out my phone and turn on my flashlight)

Nqabayethu : Seku grand, thanks.

(He unlocks the door and stands there for a moment, not going
in. I hear him pressing the switch on the wall and the lights
come on. Didn't he say the nyaope boys stole the cables?
Anyway there are white and brown envelopes all over the floor.
He kicks them out of his way, he is cursing while doing it.
Where are all these letters coming from? And why is he leaving
them lying around like this and not opening them? The house is
almost empty, only a two seater couch in the living room. There
is a cupboard in the kitchen and I see a bed in one of the
bedrooms. Nqabayethu is looking around like he is searching
for something. I clear my throat)

Me : Who is sending you all these letters?

(I'm just trying to make a conversation because right now it

feels like we are in some mortuary waiting to identify the
body)

Nqabayethu : No one important...This house is fucked up,

ikhawathekile blind
(He gulped. He looks so sad. I wrap my hand around his arm
and he tucks his hands in his pockets.)

Me : Baby who is staying here? What happened?

Nqabayethu : This house was once a home but people decided

to get a divorce and they forgot that I ever existed. That's what
happened.

Me : What do you me….

Nqabayethu : Nomzamo, I don't want to talk about it!

(I'm shocked. Only my mother calls me by Nomzamo)

Me : Fine
(He takes off his jacket and throws himself on the couch. He
covers his face with his jacket)

Me : Maybe you should take me home

Nqabayethu : Nomzamo awushongo ukuthi you want to come

to my house?

Me : I did

Nqabayethu : Manje?

(I sigh. I go into the bedroom and place my bag on the bed. The
bedroom is really not that bad)

Me : WeNqaba?

(Silence)
Me : Fine

(I take the broom and start sweeping the whole house. I take all
his letters and put them together inside the box. These letters
are from different universities. He gets up)

Me : Where are you going?

Nqabayethu : To get you something to eat

Me : No I'm fine. I just need warm water to bath but I don't see
a kettle here

(He takes out a paraffin stove and lights it. I shake my head in
disbelief. He puts water inside the pot and places it on the
stove. He goes back to his couch. I wait for the water to boil
and take a bath.)

G? G! Nqaba?
(Someone is calling him outside the door)

Nqabayethu : Huh?

G!

Nqabayethu : Sho

Me : Nqaba someone is calling you

Nqabayethu : Yah

(I finish bathing and wrap myself with a towel. I check where I

left Nqabayethu but he is no longer there. The door is half
closed, I open the curtain a little. There he is standing with
some guy. My man looks so beautiful right now, like a real
guluva. One of the reasons why I haven't left him is because he
is every girl's favorite. I like having something that other people
can't have. Nqabayethu has that gangster thing about him but
it turns on every woman and it makes every guy want to be like
him or wish they were him. I love him, I do but I wish he was
different, more decent and I wish he had a good job with good
salary.He does things for me without complaining, yes but I'm
always scared of asking things from him, especially expensive
things because I know he is not rich. Back to what's happening
now, Nqabayethu closes the door properly)

Nqabayethu : I'm not going to bail them out Ntuzuma, I put

them in jail and I want them to stay there until they understand
my fuckin rules! I told them ukuthi lomshikashika asibathinti o
darkie sidlalela ver nama besigheid abo darkie but no they stole
that car and killed that black man. This is fuckin culture! But
they looked away!

Ntuzuma : G, I understand but they need to get out Nkunzi

Nqabayethu : I say no! Not now.

(Nqabayethu shouted. What are they talking about?)

Nqabayethu : There is a library in Mount Edgecombe. I want

those computers tonight!
Ntuzuma : Phezu kwayo

(Ntuzuma hands Nqabayethu a bag.)

Ntuzuma : We sold almost everything

Nqabayethu : Good, now leave khona imaid yami hier

(I run back to the bedroom before he walks in and finds me

eavesdropping. The door opens and closes. I hear his footsteps
going to the bedroom next to this one and I immediately get
out)

Me : What is that?

Nqabayethu : What?

Me : Inside that bag

Nqabayethu : Nothing

(I snatch the bag away from him and he is not even fighting it. I
open the bag and my eyes widen. There is money and 2 brand
new IPhones, they are still sealed. I look at him and his face is
calm as fuck)

Me : What is this Nqabayethu?

Nqabayethu : Phones and money…. Nothing you don't know.

Me : I know what this is!! But what I want to know ukuthi

ziphumaphi zonke lezinto?

(He tries to walk away. I pull him back)

Me : Ngikhuluma nawe!!
Nqabayethu : We stole those things, are you happy now?

(I close my eyes and open them. I can't believe what he just

said)

Me : What?

Nqabayethu : Skhukhukazi sami, look, I'm not going to

apologize for how I take care of myself. I can't

Me : Wow, wow Nqaba so uyisigebengu ngempela?

Nqabayethu : No I'm Nqabayethu, isithandwa sakho

Me : No, no, You are not. Please take me home

Nqabayethu : Simtholile I can.….

Me : Now Nqabayethu!!
(I go back to the bedroom and wear my clothes quickly. Thank
God I didn't wash them because what was I going to wear if I
did? I find him already waiting for me next to his car. He is
drinking a beer. I push him away and get inside the car. He gets
in and laughs. He slightly shakes his head)

Nqabayethu : So what? You hate me now?

(I'm not going to answer nonsense)

Nqabayethu : Nomzamo…..

Me : Ungangibizi ngo Nomzamo, in fact don't even talk to me

Nqabayethu : Not everyone had it easy growing up

Me : Of course but that doesn't mean ukuthi zinikele

ebugebengwini
Nqabayethu : You don't get it.

Me : Please don't talk to me

Nqabayethu : Okay

(He took me straight home. I open the gate and go in, he drives
away. I see my sister's children opening the door.)

Children : It's aunt Tholi! It's aunt Tholi!

(They scream every time they see me. I get in

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my mother Mantwa is drinking coffee in the living room.
Everyone calls her Mantwa)

Me : Hi

Mantwa : Yah Nomzamo, why are you so late?

Me : I'm not.

Mantwa : Please give me R10 for airtime, I need to call your

brother kade engibhaza

Me : I don't have money Mah.

Mantwa : Of course you don't have. Ever since you dated

loyamfana we BM elidakiwe you are always broke. Nomzamo
what happened to you?

Me : Nothing

Mantwa : Why did you break up with Mthobisi?

Me : Mah please
Mantwa : You keep changing men like underwear,
uzogcinaphi?

(What?)

Mantwa : Mina nje please don't ever tell me about your

boyfriends ngoba one minute Mah I love this one and the next
one ay Mah I left him because he was this and that. No, don't
ever tell me again. Ngikhathele wuwe namadoda
ahlukahlukene

(All this because of R10? I lost my cool)

Me : That's all you ever cared about, umjolo wami nje kuphela.
Mama, how about you sit down with me one day and just ask
me about my life? If I'm happy at work? All you ever cared
about ukuthi ngijola nobani nokuthi who wants to come and
pay lobola for me like umendo yiyo yonke into empilweni! No
mama, marriage is not everything! I don't want to get married

Mantwa : What do you want? Ukushintsha Amadoda?

(I shake my head and sigh)

Me : You still don't get it. Yazi mah kuthiwa you were worried
about my education like you do with all my relationships then I
swear to God angabe ngisenyuvesi

Mantwa : And where was I going to get the money to take you
to that stupid university? Unganginyeli wena!

(I chuckle and shake my head)

Me : If education was important to you then you were going to

make sure that I get to the university. Mama kunezingane
ezisemanyuvesi ngemali eyenziwe ngokudayisa ematafuleni
emgaqweni

Mantwa : Ey shut up you dom kop! Awunayo ne matric, you

failed your matric ulibele amadoda! And now you want me to
stand on the side of the roads ngidayise amakota for you?
Forget it Nomzamo!
Me : No I didn't fail my matric because I was stupid but I failed
because I was dealing nalesidakwa owawuyiso. Have you
forgotten about your drinking habits, le eyakwenza weqa nase
rehab?

Mantwa : Get out!!

(I go to my bedroom and lock the door. I hate fighting with my

mother but every time she sees she wants to start a fight. I'm
dealing with a lot but knowing that I'm in love with a criminal
makes my blood freeze. I take my phone and put it on the
charger. I search for Ndoni's number. She works for those
foreign doctors who have no legal documents to practice in this
country. She is some sort of a personal assistant.)

Me : Ndoni

Ndoni : Yah mfazi

Me : I need that thing, do you still have it?

Ndoni : Of course darling, as long as you have money

Me : Okay, are you home?

Ndoni : Ngila ka Nqo but we can meet tomorrow

Me : No no, I need it now.

Ndoni : Eish othi ngibo… Okay asihlangane e Super ngase Car

wash

Me : Okay, thanks.

Ndoni : U R300 njalo

Me : Yeah, yeah I have the money

(I hung up. I wear my pajamas and my gown. I take the money
and I walk past the living room. My mother makes some nasty
comments. I don't care)

Anele : Uyaphi Ncane? Uyestolo?

Me : Yes baby, I'll be back now, woza uvale.

Anele : Ngivale? You want me to close the door?

(Jesus! Kids!)

Me : Yes Nanele

(We call her Nanele because that's how she calls herself)

(I met with Ndoni. I found her already waiting for me)

Me : Do you have it?

Ndoni : Yes, you said how far are you?

Me : A month and a couple of weeks

Ndoni : Aw ihluli lelo, I know people who come to me for help

beno 6 months

Me : So I won't have any complications?

Ndoni : No it will be like your normal periods.

Me : Are two of them going to be fine?

Ndoni : Yes take them tomorrow when you go to bed and they
will work overnight. I suggest you sleep wearing your pad.

Me : Tomorrow?
Ndoni : Yes tomorrow, it's already late so you can't take them
now.

Me : Ay okay, thanks Ndoni

Ndoni : Anytime friend.. Ithi ngikukhaphe

(She walks me home and we are chatting on our way)

Me : What do you mean you don't feel him?

Ndoni : I don't know but I just don't feel him anymore even
when he asks me to visit him kuvele kuthi xhifi

Me : But he is your boyfriend and Phila is a good guy

Ndoni : I know

Me : It doesn't make sense

Ndoni : I know and we just met. Kodwa naye izinto zakhe
zimnyama nje

Me : What do you mean?

Ndoni : Nothing is working for him, he even lost his job last
week

(She explained)

Me : Yoooh!

Ndoni : Yah but you know what my friend told me?

Me : Utheni?
Ndoni : She said maybe I'm not the problem. You know when
people have dark clouds hanging over them even their
relationships won't work.

Me : So you think Phila is cursed or something?

Ndoni : Uthi ngithini? All his relationships didn't work. I found

him single and he was single for years

Me : Ay I don't know, we all have our problems.

Ndoni : That's true. How are things going with Mr Ghetto King?

Me : Who told you?

Ndoni : Everyone knows Nqabayethu

Me : What do they know about him?

Ndoni : That he is every girl's dream

Me : Then those girls have nightmares

(She giggles)

Ndoni : What are you saying?

Me : Nothing

Ndoni : Are you two having an affair?

(I shake my head)

Me : No, ay jika manje sengi right

Ndoni : Oh wow, you are chasing me away

Me : No I'm not.

Ndoni : Okay

Me : And Ndoni please don't tell anyone about this.

Ndoni : About you and the Ghetto King?

Me : Oh gosh, no about the pills.

Ndoni : No, don't worry about that. I know confidential

information

Me : Thanks

Ndoni : All the best

(I sigh and walk away. The lights are now off. I knock and my
younger brother opens for me. He is 19 years old)
Me : Thanks Mlondi. Where is your mother?

Mlondi : In her room

Me : Kwanuka insangu pho layindlini

Mlondi : Ay ay sisi Zamo, I don't know what you are talking

about.

(He sleeps on the couch in the living room because he watches

TV all night long.)

Me : Koba kuhle

Mlondi : Do you have R20? I'll pay you back on Friday

Me : No, sorry.
(I walk into my bedroom)

Mlondi : Aren't you going to eat your food?

Me : It's 11pm Mlondi

Mlondi : I'll eat it then

Me : Whatever

(I lock the door. I have a bucket of water in my room. I look at

the pills in my hand. This is it, I'm not even going to wait until
tomorrow. I'm actually doing this baby a favor, I mean who
wants to have a gangster father anyway? I drink the pills and
take a deep breath. I take off my gown and climb on my bed.
It's over now)
2
(I'm working for GIC Consultants, we do sales and the targets
here are ridiculous. I'm 26 years old and to be honest this is not
how I imagined my life at 26. Today I decided to go and work
some overtime because I need extra cash. The pills that Ndoni
gave me did not work, it's like I didn't even take them so I need
to make enough money to go and terminate this pregnancy at
some doctor. Today I'm working an 08h00 to 21h00 shift. I'm on
my tea break. I miss Nqabayethu. He hasn't contacted me since
last night. I dial his number)

Nqabayethu : Bengithi sengaliwe

(That's the first thing he says as soon as he answers)

Me : Why would I break up with you?

Nqabayethu : Angicavi

(I sigh)
Me : I miss you, where are you?

Nqabayethu : Faka leyonto nga hier ehontshini. Ey! Ey! Mzet

don't break that…. Fuck!

(He is now speaking to his friends in the background)

Nqabayethu : Skhukhukazi uburinga, what were you saying?

Me : I was saying I miss you

Nqabayethu : Angithi wena izolo ububhiyoza. U waar?

Me : Work. No I wasn't shouting Nqaba, I was angry and I had

every right to be angry

Nqabayethu : I understand but you didn't want me to explain.

Me : No
Nqabayethu : Where are you?

Me : I said at work. I'm working overtime futhi ngilambile

Nqabayethu : You are hungry?

Me : Yes I'm finishing at 21h00 and I only brought 4 slices of

bread.

Nqabayethu : Manje ufuna ngenzenjani? Ngikulethele ukudla?

Me : Do you mind?

Nqabayethu : Yeah, I'm busy Nomzamo.

Me : I thought as much, ay ungazikhathazi Nqabayethu I'll see

what I can do.
Nqabayethu : Asilwi angithi swidi lami?

Me : No, we are not fighting.

Nqabayethu : Washwabula pho?

Me : I'm not. I'm telling you that I'll make a plan since you can't
help me

Nqabayethu : Lento yenu yokusenda imali, how do you guys do

it?

Me : Nqaba you don't know how to transfer money?

Nqabayethu : Have I ever transferred you any money?

Me : So you don't know?

Nqabayethu : Angicavi lezinto zamangamla

(I'm so embarrassed right now)

Me : Transferring money is not for white people sthandwa

sami

Nqabayethu : Yah…. Eh Zet! Zet? Zwakala hier

(He is calling Mzet to come to him)

Me : Bye Nqabayethu

Nqabayethu : Wait, can I see you later? Nasi isperm

sesizogcwala ikhanda Nomzamo

(I laugh out loud)

Nqabayethu : Ayilagisi le dai deng skhukhukazi, do you know

how dangerous it is for a man not to have sex for a long time?
Me : But I was with you 3 days ago

Nqabayethu : 3 days ago? Nomzamo sex is an everyday thing….

Ey Mzet awutransfere imaid yami istina segawulo

Is she using Capitec?

(Mzet asks in the background)

Nqabayethu : Angicavi

Me : Oh gosh, yes Nqaba I'm using Capitec

(He laughs)

Nqabayethu : Speak to Mzet

Me : Me? No, why?

Mzet : Sesteri

(Oh God he heard me. I close my eyes)

Me : Hi Mzet

Mzet : Is this number linked into your account?

Me : Yes

Mzet : Okay sharp

(Silence. They hung up, just like that. Nqabayethu and his
friends have no time at all, they are always in a hurry. I watch
people smoking while drinking my tea. Almost everyone is
smoking in this call center, they say it helps them release stress.
I hate the smell of cigarettes but I can tolerate it when my man
smokes, Nqabayethu smokes and drinks. I finish my tea and
head back into the canteen. I don't like eating here because it is
always packed so there is always noise. My phone vibrates, it's
a bank notification. My eyes are wide open , Nqabayethu
transferred me R1000. I didn't expect him to send me this
much. Maybe he is not that bad. I wash my cup and fill up my
bottle with water. I don't know if it's tea but my lower stomach
feels numb after I finished that tea and I feel minor cramps. I
feel a bit wet)

Hi

(Someone says behind me. I quickly turn around, oh it's some

guy from the quality department)

Me : Hi

Him : Are you okay? You have some….

Me : What?

Him : I think you need a bathroom

Me : Oh my God.

(I immediately ran into the bathroom. I check my dress out in a

mirror, it has two blood stains. The stains are not that big but
they are visible. The cramps are worsening. I get inside the
toilet and lock the door. I try to pee and I think this is the worst
mistake I made, the blood is now flowing between my thighs.
The blood is dark and it comes with clots. I go down with the
wall until I reach the floor. As I sit down, the amount of blood
coming out increases with every second, I'm now swimming in
my own blood. I can't move properly anymore. I hear Sis Angel
singing entering the toilet)

Me : Help

(That comes out in a whisper. I think Sis Angel didn't hear me

because she continued singing. I kick the door twice)

Sis Angel : What's that? Khona ola?

Me : Help

(Finally my voice comes out)

Sis Angel : Hhaibo Nkulunkulu wami

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what is this?

(She tries to push the door but it is locked.)

Sis Angel : Please try to open this door, please sisi.

(I stand on my knees disengaging the tower bolt. The door

quickly opens and Sis Angel walks in)

Sis Angel : Oh nkosi yami.

Me : Please don't tell anyone, don't call anyone to come here.

(I beg)

Sis Angel : No, I need to call someone, you need help or else
you will bleed to death.

Me : No no no, I'm fine, I'm ……

(Everything is going blurry, I'm feeling dizzy. Sis Angel seems so

tiny right now, I can hardly see her. This is death)

^
^
^
^
(I woke up in a hospital. It's a hospital around Mt Edgecombe.
The nurses here are not nice at all, they call spade a spade, no
beating around the bush)

Nurse : Uzizwa unjani ke ntombi?

(She asks with so much attitude)

Me : I'm fine.

Nurse : I see. Do you remember what happened?

(Is she a detective or what?)

Me : Yes

Nurse : You do remember that you killed an innocent baby?

Me : I didn't, it was a miscarriage.

(She laughs and claps her hands)

Nurse : Miscarriage? Is that what you call abortion these days?

(I swallow)

Nurse : Ungrateful little…mmmmhmm!

(She places her hand over her head. She seems so frustrated)

Nurse : Do you know how many women could kill just to fall
pregnant? Do you know how many women had to leave their
marriage because they couldn't give their husbands children?

(I shake my head. My throat feels so dry. The more she speaks

the angrier she gets. She is taking this way too personal. The
curtain slides and the doctor walks in)

Doctor : How are you feeling, Miss….

(She goes through her file)

Doctor : Miss Mhayise, yes.

Me : I'm good, doctor.

Doctor : That's great. Sister, have you…..

Nurse : I told her everything, she knows what she did.

(She picks up her own files and glares at me with her lip curling
in disgust. She snatches that curtain and walks out. I let out a
sigh)

Doctor : Don't mind her. Anyway I'm Dr Mkhize

Me : Can I go home?

Dr Mkhize : Unfortunately we can't discharge you today, we

need to keep you overnight. You had a heavy bleeding so we
need to ensure that you are fine before we release you.
Me : Fine

Dr Mkhize : Do you want to contact anyone? There is your

phone

Me : Who brought me here?

Dr Mkhize : I really have no idea. You need to call someone

(I shake my head)

Dr Mkhize : Okay, okay that's fine.

(She grabs a chair and sits next to my bed)

Dr Mkhize : You know there is nothing wrong with what you

did? This is your body, you own it and you do what you think is
best for you, your future and even for your family so don't let
anyone convince you otherwise.

Me : Thank you

Dr Mkhize : But you went to the wrong place to do that

abortion. What you used to terminate that pregnancy was
illegal and dangerous. You almost lost your life

Me : I thought it was the right thing

Dr Mkhize : You were supposed to seek professional advice

from a professional doctor.

Me : I'm sorry

(She smiles)

Dr Mkhize : We offer free counseling and I suggest you….

Me : Yes please

Dr Mkhize : Good. Now get some rest

Me : Thank you Dr Mkhize

(She stands up and walks away. I finally got some sleep but at
exactly 01 am I heard someone pulling the sheet I was covering
myself with. It's that nurse again)

Nurse : Wake up! We need this bed!

(She shouts)

Me : What?

Nurse : You are not sick and beds are for sick people and people
who don't kill their babies. They need these beds
(She squashes my clothes inside my bag and throws it on the
floor.)

Nurse : Get up!

(I quickly get out of bed. I fix the hospital gown I'm wearing and
pick up my bag. I take my phone)

Nurse : Follow me

(I follow her)

Nurse : There is the bench, go and sit there.

Me : Okay

Nurse : Nxi! Ungrateful bastards!

(She clucks and walks away. I look at the bench that she
directed me to sit on, there are mothers sitting with their
babies. There is an empty chair so I sit there. These new born
babies are crying and I feel like they are crying right inside my
lower abdomen. I feel a shooting pain in my lower abdomen,
the more these babies cry, the more the pain strikes. I lean
back on a chair and close my eyes)

Where is she? Tell me where she is!!

(I know that voice. My eyes shut open. My goodness he is here

with his whole squad, they are all wearing long hooded black
leather jackets. They look like criminals that they are. He looks
so angry)

Me : Nqabayethu

(I whisper)
3
(I don't know if I should run or hide. My eyes lock with Mzet's.
He whispers something to him and he quickly turns his head to
my direction. He stares at me with those sharp piercing eyes,
his gaze is intense and it sends shivers down my spine. No no,
he looks enraged. He knows, he knows what I did to his baby
and he is here to kill me right in this hospital and in front of
these people. He walks towards me, he has his own signature
walks like his shoulders bends a little when he walks. I swear
that walk was the first thing that turned me on the first time I
saw him before I even got a chance to see his gorgeous face but
all that doesn't matter now because he is coming with that
same sexy walk to kill me. As he walks, his eyes move all over
the hospital like they are low key searching for something. This
guy is a real criminal. I stand up quickly)

Me : Nqabayethu

(He holds my hand and looks at me with his eyebrows

furrowed)

Nqabayethu : What are you doing here?

(No he is not here to kill me, he doesn't know)

Me : I felt sick at work and I collapsed. I think inyongo or

amadimoni

(I'm just saying whatever comes to mind because right now I'm
nervous)

Nqabayethu : Why didn't you call me?

Me : Battery

Nqabayethu : Hhaibo mamah zithini ngempela? Kubuhlungu

waar?

(He sounds and looks so confused. He didn't expect to see me

here)
Me : Nowhere, I'm just waiting for them to discharge me

(He looks around those screaming babies who are giving me a

headache. There is this one that is screaming more than any
other baby here)

Nqabayethu : Manje wenzani hier nemidlezane?

Me : What?

(If Nqabayethu doesn't speak his tsotsi language, he just speaks

his deep deep Zulu. I still don't understand him even today
because he just changes out of nowhere)

Nqabayethu : What are you doing here with these babies and
their mothers, you shouldn't be here?

(Oh my goodness, what kind of a man is this one? How does he

know that? I close my eyes trying to think how I'm going to
answer his question.)
Nqabayethu : What's wrong?

(I clench my teeth with my eyes still closed)

Me : I'm just tired

Nqabayethu : Mlethe hier

Me : What?

(I open my eyes. He is no longer talking to me but he is talking

to the mother of the most screaming baby. Nqabayethu takes
the baby and holds it in his arms. My heart is pounding, the
smile on Nqabayethu's face makes my heart want to jump out
of my mouth. The baby fucking stops crying)

Nqabayethu : Ama aliens awabhiyozi kanje, uyezwa?

(He asks while staring at that baby with a smile. I swallow every
drop of my saliva)

Me : Give her back to her mother, uzomuwisa Nqaba.

(He laughs and looks at me)

Nqabayethu : Never. I'm the fortress of the children

Me : What?

(The security guards walk in. The chaos starts brewing.

Nqabayethu and his friends are arguing with the security
guards)

Security : Men are not allowed here, visitors are not allowed
here

Nqabayethu : Uzokhawatha lengcosi mase ngiyakugqashula bro

wami
(He says while pointing at the security guard right on his nose.
He keeps poking his finger on his nose)

Security : Please give the baby to the mother

(Nqabayethu hands the baby back to the mother)

Nqabayethu : Let's go Nomzamo

Me : No, I'm still waiting to be discharged

Nqabayethu : Ey fuck indaba yaleyonto. Let's go!

(He tries to take my bag. The chaos starts all over again.
Nqabayethu wants me to go with him by force but thanks to
those security guards who made sure I stay)
(As soon as I saw the sunrise I phoned Ndoni to come to the
hospital. She brought me clothes and by 11am we were in the
taxi home. I didn't even go for that counseling session. We get
off the taxi)

Ndoni : You've been very quiet

Me : Ndoni you almost killed me along with that baby

Ndoni : Killed you?

Me : Yes! The pills you gave me were illegal and dangerous

Ndoni : Dangero…. And who told you that?

Me : Doctor Mkhize told me.

Ndoni : I don't know about that. Tholi you were not the first
person to take the pill but you are the first person to tell me
that our pills are Dangerous and Illegal
Me : Vele maarn agha!

(She chuckles)

Ndoni : Simtholile, are you regretting your decision?

Me : Who said anything about regrets?

Ndoni : I'm just making sure

Me : Uhlanganaphi?

Ndoni : No, I…..

Me : Please go home Ndoni, I'll bring your clothes later. Thanks

for fetching me
(I walk away. I find my mother speaking to Zaza's mother, our
neighbor, by the fence. It's quiet today, children are at school
and most people are at work. Kwa Mchunu, this is where I was
born, some say this place falls under Verulam, well maybe
because we are not far from Verulam. I get in, Mlondi is home
as always since he is unemployed. He finished his matric last
year and he failed but that was no surprise at all. He is busy
frying eggs, he eats 7 times per day)

Me : Akuwona amaqanda ezingane eskole lawa ahlohlozayo

Mlondi : Mom said I can fry one.

Me : Ay bandla, I wonder who will buy them when they finish in

the middle of the month sesingenamali.

(I say this while walking inside my bedroom and closing my

door. I take a basin and soak all my clothes that have blood in
them. My skin shivers, I feel like throwing up just by looking at
those clothes. I can't, so I push the basin and hide it under my
bed. I'm sweating, my throat is closing up like someone is
choking me. I take a deep breath.)
Me : God forgive me.

(I whisper. )

Mlondi : Sis'Zamo

(I almost jumped hearing Mlondi calling me outside the door)

Me : Please go away Mlondi, I don't have money

Mlondi : No… uthe ubani?

(He asks someone)

Mlondi : Someone is looking for you

Me : Who?
Mlondi : Ingane yaka Nqo, ithi ithunyiwe?

Me : Kumina?

(Silence. I take my jacket and wear it. I walk out, Smiso is

waiting for me outside)

Me : Who is looking for me?

Smiso : There

Me : There?

(He walks away, I follow him)

Me : Why aren't you in school?

Smiso : The school bus left me

Me : Aw, ubuwenzani?

(He laughs)

Me : Oh no

(I say the moment I see him. What is he doing here during the
day? He only comes here at night. He smiles)

Me : Nqabayethu

Nqabayethu : Skhukhukazi

(They fist bump with Smiso)

Nqabayethu : Ngiyabonga G
(Smiso smiles, revealing his missing front teeth. Nqabayethu
takes out his wallet and pulls out R50. )

Nqabayethu : Minake G, for airtime to call your girlfriend

Me : Hhaibo!

(Nqaba laughs)

Nqabayethu : What? He said he is dating

(I'm not talking about that. I'm actually shocked that he just
gave a kid who is 7 years old a whole R50. Smiso takes the
money with his eyes wide open)

Nqabayethu : Nami nginayo eyami intombi. Do you see how

beautiful she is?

(He kisses my cheek)

Me : Not in front of the kid Nqabayethu

(Smiso thanks him and runs away.)

Nqabayethu : Let's go, how are you feeling now?

Me : Where are we going?

(I get inside his car. He also gets in. I need to be strong, he can't
suspect anything)

Nqabayethu : How are you feeling now?

(He starts his car)

Me : I just collapsed, nothing serious.

Nqabayethu : And who took you to the hospital?

Me : What do you mean?

Nqabayethu : I'm asking.

(I swallow. Why does he sound like he knows something?)

Me : Mandy

Nqabayethu : And what was the reason for you to collapse?

Me : Dehydration

Nqabayethu : Not pregnancy maybe?

(I cough. He laughs)

Nqabayethu : I'm joking

Me : It's not funny

Nqabayethu : You are so tense

Me : What were you doing in the hospital?

(He looks away)

Me : Nqabayethu?

Nqabayethu : Akubalulekile lokho

Me : Oh really?

Nqabayethu : Nomzamo ihlehlele

Me : Ay asazi
(He drove all the way to Ntuzuma. He parks near a big house
with a beautiful rondavel.)

Me : What are we…..

(I pause when I see a lot of children coming out of the rondavel.

Some scream Nqabayethu's name. His face lights up with a
smile)

Me : Nqabayethu what's going on? Who are those children?

Nqabayethu : Wait here

(He removes his cap and gets out of the car.)

Me : Haibo
(I mutter. I count those children, they are 25 all together. They
all look young, probably from the age of 5 to 8 years. I'm still
shocked when an old woman comes out of the big house. She
fixes her glasses and smiles. The children all hug Nqabayethu.
What the fuck is going on here?)

Nqabayethu : Mawami

Gogo : Khehla

(Nqabayethu hugs the old woman. I can't hear what they are
saying now but they are looking at the children as they speak.
Two more children come out of the rondavel with a ball. That
increases the number to 27. Nqabayethu grabs the ball and
bounces it. The next thing I see I'm watching football,
Nqabayethu is playing with the children and he is so rough with
them, the children are falling, they want the ball but
Nqabayethu is ducking them).

Gogo : WeNqaba, Hhaibo Nqabayethu uzobalimaza.

(Gogo warns him. Nqabayethu laughs and continues)

Nqabayethu : Come Luh, come, take the ball.

(Luh is one of the kids, he runs to Nqabayethu but Nqabayethu

kicks the ball and it rolls between Luh's legs. Nqabayethu does
some sign language and laughs out loud. Who are those
children? Is it possible that they are all his? Through all the
confusion in my head my heart is bleeding. Seeing Nqabayethu
with those children and the love he has for them makes me
question the decision I made)

Nqabayethu : Okay, I'm going now. Give me the sneakers

(Three boys run into the rondavel, they look older than the rest
of the kids. They come back with a black plastic bin. The plastic
seems heavy)

Gogo : Go and help them Nqaba

Nqabayethu : Have they eaten?

Gogo : Yes an hour ago but we need more bread

Nqabayethu : I'll bring it

(Nqabayethu helps the boys with the plastic. He comes and

opens the boot. He put the plastic inside and dusted his hands)

Nqabayethu : Eh majita ngizonibona jampasi

(The children wave at him)

Bye

(They say)

Me : Jesu

(I mumble)
Nqabayethu : Mah I'll see you later

Gogo : Okay khehla

(Nqabayethu gets inside the car. He kisses my cheek

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he looks so happy now)

Me : Are you going to tell me what's going on?

Nqabayethu : About what?

(He drives away. I look at the children, who are now left playing
their ball in peace without Nqabayethu)

Me : Everything, those children

(I point at them using my thumb)

Nqabayethu : They are mine

(He laughs)

Me : That's not funny

Nqabayethu : But they are, they spend more time with me than
they do with their fathers.

Me : What?

Nqabayethu : Yes, those are children who are raised by single

fathers. My mother looks after them while ama tayma abo
asayophanta Ispani

Me : Was that your mother?

Nqabayethu : Not biologically but that's who I call her.

Me : Angikuzwa mina Nqabayethu

Nqabayethu : She is not my biological mother, we are not even

related. She lost her family 2 years ago, do you remember
those floods we had?

Me : Yeah lezikhukhula ezamukisa izingane zesikole?

Nqabayethu : Yeah, she also lost her children, her husband and
her home during those floods.

Me : Oh my God

Nqabayethu : Yeah

Me : And then?
Nqabayethu : I had to build her a new home and take her in.
She insisted that she wants to do something to show me her
gratitude so I told her that I'm helping amajita aseKasi by
looking after their children while they go out to look for
employment or while they are at work. But ibingikhawatha
leyonto because I couldn't do anything else bekumele ngihlale
ngigade letakalani yami whole day

Me : So you look after those children?

Nqabayethu : Yeah

Me : How?

Nqabayethu : Ngibathengela igawulo and hire some

unemployed teachers to come and teach them a few things,
you know… All that needs to be done, I do it.

Me : Why aren't they going to school?

(He looks at me and shakes his head)

Nqabayethu : Those children are disable, some of them can't
talk, some of them can't hear.

Me : What?

Nqabayethu : But that's not the point. The point is we don't

have schools that can accommodate them la,eKasi so their
fathers are uncomfortable taking them to schools because the
schools are far away and those children are still young.

(I shake my head in agreement. I'm stunned)

Nqabayethu : But I'm working on something. They were 40 and

we managed to take 13 to school.

Me : Wow.

Nqabayethu : Yah
Me : Do you pay those teachers from your pocket?

Nqabayethu : Yeah

Me : How much?

Nqabayethu : R7 000 ngenyanga

(My eyes widen)

Me : How many teachers do you have?

Nqabayethu : 10 but bayashintshana. 2 comes in every month

Me : Yonke lento uyenza ngemali yobugengu?

Nqabayethu : Nomzamo please

Me : No it's true

(He swallows and his strong jaw tightens. I touched a nerve)

^
^
^
(If I knew that we were going to UMhlanga I was going to wear
something nice. But Ndoni's black jeans are not bad at all.)

Me : What are we doing here?

Nqabayethu : I need to get these sneakers cleaned up.

Me : Awobani?

Nqabayethu : The children. Come

(I get out of the car, he is already leaving me. He is going up the
concrete steps, carrying the black plastic. I get out of the car
and touch my butts. I check myself out. Nothing seems off and I
feel fine. I follow Nqabayethu)

Nqabayethu : Zwakala phela

Me : Ngiyeza nje

(The door slides open. We walk up the stairs.)

Nqabayethu : Aw ko Zondi

(There is a very gorgeous guy here and a young boy who is

playing with a toy on the carpet. The guy is holding a very
beautiful chubby baby. I feel my mouth going all dry seeing that
baby. Coming here was a bad idea. The guy turns around and
smiles)

Guy : Nqaba
Nqabayethu : Nyathuko

Nyathuko : Wakithi, kuhamba kahle?

(Nqabayethu places the plastic on the floor)

Nqabayethu : Ku grand boy, uwena lo?

(Nyathuko laughs)

Nyathuko : Ey ndoda

Nqabayethu : Ey Thukeh ndoda isingaka lentwana?

(Nqabayethu takes the baby from Nyathuko. The baby looks

exactly like Nyathuko, I'm sure it his. )

Nyathuko : Ntokazi
Me : Ninjani Bhuti?

Nyathuko : Siyaphila. You can….

(He points at the leather chair)

Me : Thank you

(I sit down. Nqabayethu is not even introducing me, he is busy

with Nyathuko's baby)

Nqabayethu : I outie kambe le?

(Nyathuko laughs and kisses his baby's hand)

Nyathuko : Yeah it's a boy

Nqabayethu : Umfana owuswidi onje ngeke Thukeh ndoda

Nyathuko : I'll kill you Nqaba

(They laugh)

Nyathuko : This is my first born Zanokuhle, Zano woza la boy

(Zanokuhle stands up with his toy. He is also cute but he

doesn't look like his father)

Zanokuhle : Hi

Nqabayethu : Boyzin, ngena hier

(The fist bump)

Nqabayethu : Skhukhukazi sami, u Nyathuko lo, he owns this

shop. These two are his children
Me : Wow, they are beautiful

Nqabayethu : Izwa lo usinda kanjani, hold him

(He gives me the baby and my heart races. This is too soon, too
soon. I take the baby)

Me : What is his name?

Nqabayethu : Bhambatha

(Nqabayethu and Nyathuko both laugh out loud)

Nyathuko : Uyahlanya lo Nkosazana. His name is Ndlelenhle

Nqabayethu : Ndlelenhle?

Nyathuko : Yeah
Nqabayethu : Ndlela? That's your name, mos, Isn't Ndlela and
Nyathuko the same thing?

Nyathuko : It is.

(Nyathuko smiles. He is really good looking)

Me : Hello boy

(Ndlelenhle looks at me with his big beautiful eyes, he is the

real maqinasi this one but he is the most beautiful thing I've
ever seen. I can't stop myself from smiling)

Me : How old is this baby?

Nyathuko : Zano unabani uNdlela, 2 months?

Zanokuhle : No daddy, he is 3 months

(I laugh. He doesn't know how old his baby is.)

Nqabayethu : Why are you babysitting?

Nyathuko : No man, Sthah had to start work today, the kids

were supposed to stay with their nanny uMoltah but my son
cried when I left and I felt bad bafo ngavele ngabaletha nami la

Nqabayethu : Who was crying? This one?

Nyathuko : No, Ndlelenhle

Nqabayethu : Useyakhala mawumshiya?

Nyathuko : Yeah man, it was his first day today esala without
me or his mother wavele wakhala

Nqabayethu : Oh yeah but he will get used to it. Uphi u Sthah?

Nyathuko : She was here an hour ago, cisho namfica.

(He smiles.)

Nqabayethu : Ey uyayithanda leya maid boy

Nyathuko : I love my wife bro

Nqabayethu : Ngiyacava bra wami… Ey I saw Thalente

wangisikela.

Nyathuko : Ey bafo it was bad, I almost died kuzalwa u

Ndlelenhle.

Nqabayethu : Unamanga Thukeh ndoda

Nyathuko : I'm telling you, I stayed a month in the ICU. Ingcosi

yami yazalwa while I was in hospital fighting for my life.
Nqabayethu : Hhaibo ndoda, after the wedding?

Nyathuko : Sho, Ey wena, it's a long story.

(He shakes his head)

Nqabayethu : As long as uphila bro wami

Nyathuko : Yeah, wena when are you coming to my house?

Nqabayethu : Soon bro wami

Nyathuko : Yah?

(He looks at the plastic)

Nqabayethu : Nali ithesho

Nyathuko : I see.

Nqabayethu : Yeah, I'll collect on Friday, ngisafuna uku checker

labantu e Legacy

Nyathuko : Sho, asibheke lamadoda

(Nqabayethu picks up the plastic and they head to the door but
the baby starts crying, looking at his father )

Nyathuko : Aw Ndlela boy, yini kodwa?

(He comes back and takes the baby)

Nyathuko : Lendoda le

Zanokuhle : I'll stay with him daddy

Nyathuko : But he is crying boy

Zanokuhle : Put him here, he will stop.

Nyathuko : Okay.

(He puts the baby on the stroller. It looks like one hell of an
expensive baby's stroller. This family looks really rich, even this
Zanokuhle is wearing expensive sneakers and tracksuit.)

Nyathuko : I'll be back now. Where is my phone? Why is your

mother not calling me now?

(He takes his phone from his desk and follows Nqabayethu. This
office is clean and beautiful. I'm now left with Zano and the
baby. Zanokuhle is playing with the baby)

Me : You love your brother?

(Zanokuhle smiles)
Zanokuhle : I love him so much but he doesn't know how to
play with me, he just laughs.

(I laugh)

Me : How old are you?

Zanokuhle : It's my birthday on Saturday, daddy is going to
throw me a big birthday party because I'm old now.
Me : I see. Where is your mother?
Zanokuhle : Work
Me : Why are you not in school?
Zanokuhle : Because we had no water
Me : Okay
Zanokuhle : Do you have a baby?
(I swallow hard.)
4
(I couldn't wait to leave that shop. That Zanokuhle was
speaking English non stop and asking a lot of questions, it was
too much. I loved his little chubby brother but yena? I'm not
sure. We are in Nqabayethu's car now, we are waiting for
Ntuzuma to call. I don't know for what)

Me : He was watching me?

(Nqabayethu laughs)

Me : Stop laughing Nqaba. Are you saying he was watching

me?

Nqabayethu : Yeah

Me : What? He thought I was going to steal his baby?

Nqabayethu : No, he was just being careful

Me : So he walks around with that thing and watches his baby
24/7?

Nqabayethu : Sho, it's like a footage but it's in his phone.

Me : Mxm, that's crazy. Why would I steal his chubby baby?

Nqabayethu : His wife is fat too but I heard she got sick and lost
weight.

Me : Shame man. I still think this footage thing is weird.

Nqabayethu : It isn't. Nyathuko has been through some shit

skhukhukazi and all he wants is to protect his family

Me : He is married?

Nqabayethu : And very obsessed with his wife… eish where is

Ntuzuma?
(He pulls out his phone and dials. I want to hear this Nyathuko
story. I can't believe he was watching me on some footage
while I was with his kids.)

Nqabayethu : Ntuzuma u waar ntanga?

(Silence)

Nqabayethu : Eish! Eish! They ran out of soup in Legacy. I need

to go there

(Silence)

Nqabayethu : Sho

(He hung up. I sleep on his chest, I like it when we gossip)

Me : What with this Legacy? Where is it?

Nqabayethu : You'll see

Me : Okay, now tell me about your friend.

Nqabayethu : Who? Nyathuko?

Me : Yes Nqaba

Nqabayethu : What? You like him now?

(I giggle)

Me : No but he is cute

(He glares at me and I laugh)

Me : Don't be jealous
Nqabayethu : You won't get him, he is married plus bamu
rikhile

Me : Bamurikhile, What do you mean?

(Nqabayethu laughs)

Nqabayethu : Sthabile Ricad him

Me : Ricad him? What is that?

Nqabayethu : You don't know?

Me : You mean she bewitched him?

(Nqabayethu shakes his head and laughs out loud)

Nqabayethu : Yah
Me : Aysuka you are just jealous. How long have you guys been
friends?

Nqabayethu : Since we were young

Me : Yeah?

Nqabayethu : Ey my boy used to do some wild shit. Ey u

Thukeh

(He laughs and shakes his head)

Nqabayethu : I can't believe uthrowile. I missed his wedding

Me : Wild shit like what? like crime?

(He darts his gaze to me and quickly sweeps it away)

Me : He was a criminal?

Nqabayethu : Not exactly. We were criminals but he used to

help us with some things

Me : Why are you so proud ngalento yakho yobuginsa?

Nqabayethu : Angilona iginsa

(I sigh and shake my head)

Me : Continue

Nqabayethu : Unezinye izandla uThukeh, he can stand right in

front of you and take your phone and keys without you noticing
shit. Yinja loyamfana

Me : So he is good with pickpocketing?

Nqabayethu : He is a mastermind

Me : Wow

Nqabayethu : When he was still part of the game we made

serious money. He snatched those car keys in the blink of an
eye

Me : He stole cars?

Nqabayethu : No he helped us get the keys we wanted… Car

keys, house keys.. Things like that but that's all he did thina
siphushela umshikashika

Me : Nqaba you do housebreaking?

Nqabayethu : Used to but not anymore. Thukeh wanted out so

we dropped the whole thing.
Me : You didn't drop the whole thing usantshontsha namanje
Nqabayethu

Nqabayethu : This conversation is over

(He pushes me away and starts his car. He drives to some

community hall. There was a long queue there)

Nqabayethu : Ntuzuma is here, good.

Me : And now? Senzanike la and who are those people?

Nqabayethu : People who don't hate how I make money for

what they eat.

(He gets out of the car and slams the door. I follow him. I feel a
bit uncomfortable now in this pad, I need to change it)

Me : Nqabayethu… Nqaba
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wait for me.

(He stops and scratches his head. He turns around)

Nqabayethu : I don't want to fight with you, not here

Nomzamo.

Me : Okay I'm sorry

(I say looking around those people. There are old women, men
and children here)

Nqabayethu : Don't look at them like that

Me : Like what?

Nqabayethu : Like you are feeling sorry for them. Ijinde

Nomzamo
Me : Who are these people?

(He sighs)

Nqabayethu : I'll tell you now.

(He removes his cap and smiles)

Nqabayethu : Mam'Sthole

Mam'Sthole : Mfan'wam usufikile, I'm happy to see you

(Nqabayethu smiles and continues greeting more of these

people)

Nqabayethu : Bab'Nyuswa, Bab'Cele, Chinaman, Mam'Sisulu.

(He goes on and on. How come he remembers all their names?
All these people are happy to see him, even those children are
happy. I look where the queue is heading too. Oh there are big
pots and bread in the front there. 5 women are serving these
people. I pull Nqaba by his arm)

Nqabayethu : Zithini?

Me : What's going on here?

(He puts on his cap)

Nqabayethu : this place is called Ghetto Legacy. You know that

not everyone is rich. Izwe lethu likhawathekile blind, people are
struggling Nomzamo, people are hungry.

Me : You own this place?

Nqabayethu : Yes. I buy food for these people and they come
here to eat. Everyone is welcome here… Come let's grab a
plate
Me : Nqaba…

Nqabayethu : Come

(We join the queue)

Nqabayethu : Nomzamo if the whites are benefiting in our

country then I am going to steal from them and feed my people
who aren't benefiting shit kulelizwe, abantu abacindezelekile,
people who can't even afford to buy bread.

Me : But….

Nqabayethu : I'm not going to stop stealing from all those white
people and those bloody politicians abangenandaba nathi. As
long as I still see people like these, people who are drowning in
poverty then I am going to steal Nomzamo. If our children can't
afford to go to those fancy libraries ase Mount Edgecombe then
I'm going to bring those libraries la Ekasi and I'm not going to
apologize about it.
Me : What if you get arrested?

Nqabayethu : Do you think I'm scared of prison?

Me : Nqaba..

Nqabayethu : No I'm not.

Me : Who will take care of all these people and those children
Entuzuma? Who will take care of them mase wena
usuboshiwe?
Nqabayethu : I'll never get arrested
Me : And how do you know that?
Nqabayethu : Nomzamo I know what I'm doing.
Me : Nqabayethu yazi, I don't know you anymore.
(He laughs)
Nqabayethu : You don't have to.
5
(Nqabayethu gets out of the car. He is here to drop me off)

Me : Thank you. I really had a good time

(He holds my hand)

Nqabayethu : Vuma phela

(I shake my head)

Me : I can't go with you Nqaba

Nqabayethu : Why?

Me : Because I'm working tomorrow

(He chuckles)
Nqabayethu : Is that really your excuse? Uyangishayashaya
skhukhukazi

Me : I'm telling you the truth. I'm working a double shift

tomorrow

Nqabayethu : Why?

Me : Because I want to keep myself busy

Nqabayethu : Busy?

Me : Yes Nqaba and besides I think my periods are going to

start anytime from now. Ngiqalwa islumo

Nqabayethu : Are you sure it has nothing to do with me?

Me : Of course not
(I see Mlondi coming. He is wearing Nqabayethu's Paradiso
brand jacket that he gave me a couple of weeks ago because it
was cold and I had no jersey. The nerve)

Me : Mlondi

Mlondi : Hawu it's you sisi

Me : Yes it's me, where are you going?

Mlondi : Ngiyabuya manje

Me : That's not what I asked.

(I try to question him about the jacket but I'm using my eyes
because I don't want Nqabayethu to see.)

Mlondi : Oh usho ijacket?

(There goes my stupid brother. Why did he have to say that out
loud?)

Mlondi : Don't worry I'll give you back when I come back. Ihleli
neh?

(Fuck this guy! He asks while fixing the jacket with a wide smile
on his face but his smile quickly escalates to fear as soon as he
realizes who I'm standing next to. Nqabayethu laughs and
shakes his head)

Mlondi : Hhaibo, G.

(He rubs his hands together and removes his beanie hat. He
reaches for a handshake. He looks like an idiot right now)

Me : You know him?

Mlondi : Hhaibo, suster everyone knows G.

Me : I guess you're right

(I glance at Nqabayethu)

Nqabayethu : Boyzin

(They shake hands)

Mlondi : King

Nqabayethu : U grand?

Mlondi : Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm good.

(Mlondi looks like he just bumps into God himself right now)

Nqabayethu : Ay yizo boy

Me : You can go now.

Mlondi : But….

Me : Mlondi

Mlondi : Can you give me R20? I need to go to Buffelsdraai.

Me : Do I look like an ATM to you?

Mlondi : No

Me : And stop using my things without my permission

(Nqabayethu places his hand on my butts)

Nqabayethu : Skhukhukazi umjikelezo nje no big deal

(Umjikelezo is a jacket in his world)

Me : It's not just a jacket

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it….

Nqabayethu : Ntswari let me give you a lift

(He cuts me off quickly)

Mlondi : For real?

Nqabayethu : Sho, zwakala.

(They both get inside the car)

Me : Wow
Nqabayethu : Skhukhukazi, I'll call you

Me : Okay

(I head home. My sister's boyfriend's car is here which means

she is home to see her children that she dumped with my
mother)

Ubunuku into engasoze nje yaphela layikhaya shame...yo yo yo

look at the microwave jehova.

(She is already judging us as always. I get in, she is talking to her

daughter Anele)

Me : Lungile

Lungile : Zamo, where are you coming from?

Me : Ku Ndoni

Lungile : Ngeke guys, you wake up and visit your friends imini
yonke kunje endlini?

Me : What's wrong with this house?

Lungile : It's dirty

Me : Aw

(I go to my bedroom and the basin I left under my bed is now

next to the door.)

Me : Heh! Ay ngiyalingwa

Lungile : What is this?

(Oh she is standing behind me)

Me : It's clothes

Lungile : With blood. You leave izingubo ezinegazi under your

bed?

Me : Lungile, this is my bedroom! You have no right to come

here and go through my staff

Lungile : I was looking for my sandals

Me : Did you leave your sandals under my bed? Get out!

Lungile : Ngalombhede nje omiswe ngezitina usuzibona

ungcono?

Me : Wow
Lungile : I wonder if your friends know ukuthi uyidixa lenuku!
All you know is to squeeze yourself in those small jeans and
paint your face uhambeke untante umgwaqo wonke

Me : Oh really? How about you ozala njengenja and come here

to dump your children with your mother?

Lungile : At least I take care of Mah

Me : Lungile, you can't even take care of your own children so

uqambelani amanga?

Lungile : Kambe usulala namaginsa ingakho unomlomo omanzi

(She looks at me with disgust and leaves my room. I close my

door before I pull her back and strangle her to death)
6
(The following day I went to work. The way these agents are
looking at me, I wish I could hide)

Dbn3976

(I turn around, it's my team leader. They call us with our

usernames here. I don't think they even know our real names)

Me : Dlamini

(His name is Michael Dlamini but we call him Dlamini)

Michael : Check your schedule for the day. I have a meeting

with you and Sandesh

(My heart starts pounding. A meeting with Sandesh? A whole

branch manager? I'm in trouble)
Me : Oh, did I do anything wrong?

Michael : You'll find out at 14h00… Ey Njomba well done on

your performance, I see you are killing them, son.

(He says to Mthobisi Njomba who is very good with sales.

Everyone knows him. Dlamini walks away. I slowly close my
lunch box, I just can't eat anymore. I've lost my appetite. I
decide to call Nqabayethu because right now I'm nervous and
I'm hoping he will make me feel better)

Nqabayethu : Skhukhukazi

Me : Baby

Nqabayethu : U grand?

Me : Yeah, I just miss you

Nqabayethu : Ngivale jampasi

Me : I can't. I'm on my periods

Nqabayethu : Okay, I'm busy here, can you call me later?

Me : Are you angry?

(He laughs)

Nqabayethu : No, skhukhukazi I'm not angry, I'm just busy

here.

(Suddenly he is always busy)

Me : You are always busy

Nqabayethu : That's true

Me : You don't have time for me anymore

Nqabayethu : That's not true.

Me : It is but I'm used to it now.

Nqabayethu : You want to pick a fight, right?

Me : I don't want to fight with you

Nqabayethu : Ibizwa ngani ke le oyenzayo? Aren't you

supposed to be working ngoba ubusy utetemela mina nje la
ngikutshela ukuthi ngi busy

Me : Ngiyaxolisa, I just wanted to hear your voice but I'm sorry

ukukuphazamisa ubusy

Nqabayethu : It's okay. We'll talk later

Me : I have a meeting at 02h00 and I'm nervous

Nqabayethu : Meeting yani?

Me : I don't know Nqaba but I'm scared.

Nqabayethu : Then resign and go back home

Me : Nqabayethu that's crazy

Nqabayethu : Okay, ufuna ukwenzani?

Me : I don't know

Nqabayethu : Nomzamo I need to go.. Sharp

(He hung up, Jesus, this man. I bit the corner of my phone. I'm
nervous. I see Mandy coming and I quickly take my lunch box
and go away. Today is her birthday and I'm not in the mood to
listen to her telling me about her boyfriend or about today)
(Finally it's 02h00 pm. I log meeting on my computer and head
to Sandesh's office. They are already waiting for me. I get in and
sit down)

Sandesh : Good afternoon Simtholile

Me : Afternoon Sandesh

(I see two speakers on his desk and clench my teeth)

Sandesh : When you were away we got a call from one of your
customers. She was complaining about how rude you were
towards her and how you hung up on her whilst she was still
talking

(I remember that client. Shwele I remember her)

Sandesh : So we had to go back and listen to the recording

(He plays the call. Why is he doing this?)

Me : I remember that call, she was calling regarding some

query but it didn't end well. She started swearing and I couldn't
hold myself

Sandesh : What happened to being assertive all the time?

Me : I lost my temper

Sandesh : This job isn't for you then because here we don't
need people who lose their temper

(No no this can't be happening. I can't lose my job)

Me : Sandesh I'm sorry. I don't know what happened, please.

Sandesh : Something like that shouldn't happen again, ever.

Me : I promise
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it won't happen again.

Sandesh : You are going to call that customer and apologize.

Dlamini : Unfortunately I'm going to give you your first written

warning

(I sigh in relief. At least I'm not losing my job but I'm going to
lose my incentives and my attendance bonus)

Me : I do apologize really

Sandesh : It's okay, you may go now.

Me : Thank you
(I stand up and go back to my workstation. Wheee! I'm glad this
is over.)

Mandy : Girl, I've been looking for you

(Oh no. Not Mandy)

Me : Hey, Happy birthday girl

(I fake a smile and hug her)

Mandy : Thank you

Me : Why aren't you on leave?

Mandy : My leave starts tomorrow

Me : That's good
Mandy : Yes, tonight we are going to Kisses for my birthday
celebration. Don't worry about transport

Me : Eish! I'm not sure if….

Mandy : Please Tholi, just two hours, two. I'm begging you

Me : Alright, alright.

(She hugs me tightly.)

Mandy : It's going to be good, you'll see.

Me : I hope so. Thank you

Good Afternoon night shift, please log off and on for the new
system update.

(Sandesh says)
Mandy : I'll see you later

Me : Sure

(Fuck! I bang my desk in frustration. I don't want to be around

people. I want to finish working and go home but maybe this is
what I need. A little bit of fun will be good for me)

^
^
^
(We are in Kisses. It's a new place in UMhlanga, it looks
stunning and everything looks expensive. What the fuck?
Mandy is expensive so this is so her. Apparently her boyfriend
paid for all this. There is this one colored girl who is dancing like
crazy here. I swear she enjoys being here more than Miss party
herself)

Mandy : Go Mimo! Go Mimo!

(Mandy laughs as she screams her name)

Me : She is really drunk now

Mandy : She is

Me : Is she your friend?

Mandy : Who? Ashton?

Me : I thought her name was Mimo

Mandy : That's her nickname. No not really, her boyfriend is my

boyfriend's best friend. She is a bitch that one

Me : Really?
(She finishes her shot and hits the table before she licks some
salt. She shakes her head)

Mandy : Yeah, I don't know how the guy she was dating
cheated on her and got married but apparently moghurl was
very heart broken.

Me : So she decided to bitch around?

Mandy : I don't know hey but that's what I heard.

Me : That's crazy

Mandy : It is but who are we to judge her?

(I shrug. Indeed some white dude walked in and kissed Ashton

and it wasn't her boyfriend that Mandy told me about. Soon
after that I saw them walking out together.)

Me : Friend, I really need to go now

Mandy : Come on friend, you don't have to go really, we can go
and finish this party at my flat.

Me : No I'm working tomorrow, you are not.

Mandy : You are working night shift

Me : I'm on my periods

(She laughs)

Mandy : I'm a girl, remember?

Me : But….

Mandy : But nothing. I'm going to make sure that you are
comfortable, I'll give you everything you need.
(This girl is really bored, yes her boyfriend may be giving her all
the money in the world but she is lonely.)

Me : Okay fine.

(My phone has run out of battery. Nqabayethu won't get a

goodnight call but I don't think he will notice because he is
always busy)
7
(I've never been late while working the night shift, today will be
the first. Mandy and I only got up at 13h00. I run into the
shower and get ready quickly.)

Mandy : Here, these are brand new

(Oh it's panties and tampons. I don't use tampons but today I
don't have a choice. Can this blood stop already? This is just a
reminder of what I did.)

Me : Thanks a lot friend

Mandy : I packed a piece of cake for you and here is the money
to buy yourself something to eat in the canteen

(She places R300 on the bed)

Me : Thanks Mandy but this is too much

Mandy : It isn't. Come, your Bolt is here

Me : I'm done. I'll call you as soon as I get to wor….Oh no my

phone is off.

Mandy : No problem

(I take my things)

Me : Thanks Mandy, thanks a lot

Mandy : Bye girlfriend

(I walk out and run down the stairs, all the way to my ride. My
ride dropped me off 10 minutes before my shift started. The
hangover is still killing me. I ask around for a charger but all
these agents are using expensive phones. I give up)

(It's just after 16h00. I'm feeling sleepy but thanks to the music
that they are playing here at work or I'll be sleeping by now. I'm
hearing something like gunshots but maybe I'm just being
crazy. When I hear it for the second time I look at Thandiwe
who sits next to me)

Me : Can you hear that?

Thandiwe : Yeah it sounds like isibhamu

Me : Exactly

(Most agents are now on their feet with their headsets in hand.
They have logged off their systems. What the hell is going on? I
see everyone looking at the entrance. There he is, walking
between his thugs. They are wearing those leather jackets that
they were wearing at the hospital. His thugs are carrying guns
but he is not carrying any, surely he is hiding it under that
jacket. How did they get in through the turnstiles? He speaks to
some girl, she is showing her something on his phone and I see
her pointing at me. He comes with his eyes already fixed on
me.)
Me : Nqabayethu

Nqabayethu : Take your bags and let's go

Me : Nqaba can't you see I'm at work?

Nqabayethu : I don't care. Take your bags and let's go before

ngikubukanisa nalezifebe osebenza nazo

(He just called my colleagues by bitches. I look around, oh no,

Dlamini and Sandesh are looking at me. That's it, it's over for
me and this job. I shut down my system and take my handbag
and my lunch bag. In a blink of an eye Nqabayethu picks me up
and throws me on his shoulder. I'm sure some people think I'm
being kidnapped right now. There is silence, no one is
screaming, no one is moving. He walked out carrying me on his
shoulder. Mzet is carrying my bags and 5 more guys are
following us with guns. Mzet opens Nqabayethu's car door and
Nqabayethu puts me down and pushes me in roughly. His thugs
came with a black VW Kombi. Nqabayethu gets in and drives
off. The VW follows us. I'm not even going to try and speak to
him because he looks angry. He takes a route to Whitehouse,
Mt Edgecombe. He stops his car, this road is less busy. He gets
out of the car and sits on the bonnet of his car and starts
smoking. The VW arrives, Mzet goes and speaks to him. I can't
hear what Mzet is saying but he is the only one who is doing
the talking, he keeps stealing glances at me as he continues
speaking to Nqabayethu who seems not to be saying anything
except smoking his cigarette. Finally he is talking, I see him
explaining and even hitting his bonnet with his fisted hand.
Mzet rubs his face. Nqabayethu gets off the bonnet and Mzet
goes back to the VW. The VW leaves. Let me try and speak to
him. I open the door and get out)

Me : Baby, my pho….

(I didn't finish. He is now hitting me, no I'm not talking about a

few slaps. He is punching me and kicking me. He is dragging me
on the road)

Me : Ngiyaxolisa Manzini, I can explain.

Nqabayethu : No no, I don't want you to explain. You will

explain as soon as I'm done with you
(He kicks me again)

Me : Nqaba I'm sorry, please stop.

(I put my hands together begging him to stop)

Nqabayethu : Get in the car

(I have painful and burning abrasions on my leg and on my arm

because he was dragging me on this rough concrete road. I get
up and get inside the car. He spits on the ground and gets in. He
drives off. Wherever we are going now? he is going to kill me)

Me : Nqabayethu I'm sorry, ngiyaxolisa ngempela Sengwayo.

Nqabayethu : Nomzamo, Where were you last night?

Me : I was at Mandy's birthday celebration ebise Kisses and she
asked me to sleep at her flat. I can even show the piece of cake
she gave me uma ungangikholwa Nqaba

Nqabayethu : Who were you with?

Me : Her friends

Nqabayethu : Her friends? You mean bitches like Ashton who

left another man in bed this morning and she went to sleep
with Nyathuko. Nyathuko is fucking her as we speak kodwa
izolo ubenenye indoda. Nomzamo you call such people your
friends? Bitches who sleep around are your friends?

Me : No, not my friends, abangani baka Mandy.

Nqabayethu : But Mandy is your friend so her friends are your

friends and what her friends do is something you all likely do
noma ngiyagigqa skhukhukazi?

(Tears stream down my face)

Me : Sthandwa sami, ngiyaxolisa.

Nqabayethu : Why didn't you call me?

(I quickly wipe the tears with my hands and he gives me

tissues)

Me : My phone was off, I'm sorry Nqaba.

Nqabayethu : Stop saying you are sorry!!

(He shouts. Silence)

Nqabayethu : Nomzamo you need to understand something,

angizoba inhlekisa mina kubantu because of you so you need to
decide now if you want to be with me or not. If you want me to
let you go then sho, sharp ngizokuyekela uvaye
Me : I want to be with you.

Nqabayethu : You are not going to make my life difficult

I won't allow it. Mina ngikhule kanzima kabi Nomzamo. You are
not going to remind me why I hate women.

(What? I look at him)

Me : Then why are you with me if you hate women? Are you
going to abuse me because you hate women? Do you even love
me Nqabayethu?

(I'm not sure if he does after what just happened and what he
just said now. He looks at me)

Nqabayethu : When I was growing up life was hard without my

mother. Kuhambe kwahamba kwafika isikhathi where I had no
one but myself, kwamele ngibe indoda and looked after
myself.
(He looks out the window)

Nqabayethu : Have you ever asked yourself why I chose to look

after children who are raised by single fathers lapha
eNtuzuma?

(I shake my head. I'm in pain but I rather listen to him even

though I hate him right now. Listening to him is better than
having him beating me up all over again. I've never been beaten
up like this before not even by my own mother when she was
still an alcoholic never mind by a man)

Me : No

Nqabayethu : Because I know how hard it is being unemployed

and having to raise a child as a single father. I grew up seeing
my father struggling to raise me and my sister without our
mother.

(I remain silent)
Nqabayethu : People think it's always men who run away from
the responsibility of raising a child. When people hear the word
deadbeat parent they think of absent fathers, ama deadbeat
mothers wona ashawa ngomhlane like they don't exist when
they do.

(He stops the engine and stares into space.)

Nqabayethu : I remember when my sister Khanyakwethu

started having lento yenu yama periods, she was only 11 years
old. She didn't tell anyone about it, not me, not my father. One
day I walked on her using her school sock as a sanitary pad. I
was 13 years old and I didn't understand what was going on so I
asked her and she told me there was blood. She was scared of
telling baba, we both thought she did something wrong. We
decided not to tell baba about it. She used socks, even mine
too. One day I cut all my old t-shirts and gave it to her.

(I swallow. This is heartbreaking)

Nqabayethu : One day I found her in her bed sleeping naked

with a teddy bear between her thighs, she was pushing it down
her vagina. I didn't know much about sex but I had an idea
because I once walked on my stepmother and her boyfriend
having sex on my father's bed whilst my father was at work.
Nothing traumatized me like that in my entire childhood. I don't
know how but it fucked up my mind that was already fucked
up. The Image of my stepmother and her boyfriend, naked,
sweating and moaning kept haunting ngisho nasesgele so when
I found Khanya doing something like that to her teddy bear, I
was freaked out. I wanted to tell my father but I thought he was
going to whip her.

(Nqabayethu is emotionally blackmailing me. He just just

finished beating me up and he just decides to tell me about his
miserable childhood life soon after that? He knows I'm going to
feel sorry for him and forgive him for beating me and it's
actually working)

Nqabayethu : He was at that stage where igazi lakhe selishisa

lidinga umuntu wesilisa. She needed a mother who was going
to tell her about the dangers of having sex but our mother was
not around to teach her all that.

(A single tear rolls down my cheek)

Nqabayethu : I don't know what happened but I got angry and
climbed on the bed ngamushaya blind and that night she…

(He pauses and presses his head on the steering wheel)

Nqabayethu : I wished that our mother was around. I prayed

she would come back home but she didn't. Baba had no idea
what was going on. He was busy with his piecejobs, working
day and night to ensure that we eat and go to school nokuthi
sigqoke sibe grand njengezinye izingane zase Kasi. When he
found out that our stepmother was cheating on him and
bringing men to his house whilst he was at work things
changed. They fought every day, screaming at each other,
beshayana, beshisana ngamanzi and that woman decided to
leave. After she left, Baba started bringing different women
home. He introduced us to his different girlfriends every week.
Sithi sisathi sijwayela lo kufike omunye, sithi sisathi sino Mah
omusha ehambe kufike omunye.

(He lets out a soft laugh that carries so much pain and shakes
his head)
Nqabayethu : One day kwafika omunye usathane, that woman
hated me with all her heart and soul. She bullied me about my
skin color (He chuckles) She used to call me Henry Cele, athi
ngimubi angathi ngimbiza yotwayi. Fuck!

(He sighs)

Nqabayethu : Weeh I remember when I broke the bottle of her

chili sauce. She took off my pants wangilalisa phansi and she
put all the chili sauce in my anus. I spent all night sitting in cold
water ngoba ngangizwa angathi ngiyavutha. Wenginabisa
ngenduku loya sisi

(I'm looking out the window. Tears are running down my face)

Nqabayethu : Nomzamo, I was the slowest kid in school. I

couldn't stand noise. When the teacher shouted at me, I took
my bag and went back home. Whenever I had to ask my
teacher for permission to go to the toilet ngangithula ngize
ngizichamele because I thought my teacher was going to shout
at me or something. I was a joke at school kuthiwa u Nqaba lo
waka Zungu ochamayo. I was about to drop out of school when
Baba brought home uMaNene and they got married. That
woman was an angel. Finally our home was warm, she carried
so much love and warmth. It was easy to talk to her, even when
I didn't want to talk, she just saw right through me. Ethi Nqaba
if those boys hit you, hit them back. Be a man Nqaba

Me : Did she teach you to hit women too?

Nqabayethu : When I was doing grade 10 they divorced and

they both left home. I was left all alone

(I want to ask him what happened to his sister but I won't)

Me : Nqabayethu did MaNene teach to hit women too?

(He glares at me)

Nqabayethu : Nomzamo I'm not sorry for hitting you. I'm telling
you all this because I want you to know that I love and that I
trust you. I've never told anyone about my life, ngitshela wena
ngoba ngiyakuthanda but I'm not sorry for hitting you

(My eyes widen in disbelief. I can't believe I was feeling sorry

for this bastard for all the abuse he went through. )

Nqabayethu : I'm going to take you home now and when your
mother asks you ukuthi who was beating you up like this? Tell
her uthi Mah ngishawe uNqaba engishayela ubufebe futhi
usazongishaya mengiqhubeka.

(I look at him explaining what I should tell my mother. This guy

is not normal)

Nqabayethu : Do you understand?

Me : Ye… Yes

(I say and look away)

Nqabayethu : Good.

(He starts his car and takes me home. We arrived. I'm in pain. I
slowly get out of the car. He is now smoking and he is showing
no remorse at all. This man is an animal)

Nqabayethu : I'll bring you pain killers later

(He says without even looking at me. Wow. I'm still standing
next to his car and he drives off, nearly knocking off my feet)

Me : Nxi leslima lesi

(I whisper to myself. I drag myself home. My mother is sitting in

the living room with Ndoni's mother and Ndoni. They don't look
happy at all. Mantwa claps once as soon as she sees me walking
in)

Mantwa : What happened to you?

(I swallow)

Mantwa : Ilomgulukudu wakho angithi? He did this to you?

Me : Mah I….

Mantwa : Do you know what he did? Did he tell you that last
night he was knocking door to door collecting all your friends in
this community and after that he took them wahamba nabo
wayobashaya because he couldn't get hold of you? He even
went to Ndoni's house and hit her emubuza ukuthi wena
ukephi.

Me : Hhaibo

Mantwa : Don't say Hhaibo. Your friends were beaten up by

your crazy boyfriend because of you. Izingane zabantu zicisho
zafa because they couldn't answer about your whereabouts.
Isho nokusho leyanja yakho ukuthi abangani bakho bafeba
nawe so they should know where you are 24 hours. Tell her
Ndoni
(I slowly sit down, holding my bruised arm. I can't believe I'm
hearing this)

Me : Nqabayethu did what?

Ndoni : He came home around 23h00. He was with Nqo ngoba

u Nqo is the one who was showing him all your friends. He had
a gun and he asked me where you were and I told him ukuthi
angazi. He slapped me, saying I was lying. He asked what kind
of a friend I am to you uma ngingazi ukuthi ukephi. He slapped
me again ethi I must show him where your boyfriend is staying.

Me : What?

Ndoni : I told him that you don't have any other boyfriend
except him wavele wadinwa kakhulu, he tried to strangle me
but luckily my father came.

Mantwa : Uyezwa ke? That boy is crazy! Futhi uzokubulala

Nomzamo
Ndoni's mother : Your mother is right. That boy has serious
issues, unolaka and uma ungabhekile uzokubulala.

Me : Ndoni you need to go and report him to the police

Mantwa : Wena when are you going to report him ngoba

ekumuke wakumuka nje?

Me : Mah please

Mantwa : Nizofela emanyaleni Nomzamo. You are going to die

8
(I'm looking outside through the window. There is a heavy
wind. My baby's clothes are flying with the wind. I open the
door quickly but the wind keeps pulling me back inside the
house. I can feel small stones hitting my face. I can't breathe
because the wind is heavy. My eyes are excessively watering. I
can't see or move so I scream.)

Nomzamo!!

(I open my eyes. My mother is knocking on my door. Shit! I was

dreaming)

Me : Mah?

Mantwa : Switch off the light. Electricity is expensive

Me : Okay
(I get out of bed and switch off the light. I check the time on my
phone. It's only 20h00 but I'm already dreaming. I feel
emotional, I want to cry. Is it because my arm is painful? No.
This has nothing to do with my arm or Nqabayethu for hitting
me. It's guilt. I'm starting to regret killing Nqabayethu's baby.
How can I stop myself from thinking about what I did? I think
about it every time before I sleep and maybe that's why I'm
having these dreams. My phone rings. It's Nqabayethu)

Me : Nqaba

Nqabayethu : I'm outside

Me : I'm sleeping

Nqabayethu : I brought you painkillers

Me : I don't need them.

Nqabayethu : Ngizongena naleli gatena lakini ngifike lapho

ngikusakaze ngempama.
Me : Why? Because I don't want painkillers?

Nqabayethu : Nomzamo, I'm giving you 3 minutes to get here.

(He hung up. I sigh and get out of bed. I wear my gown and go
straight to him. I stand outside his car and knock on his
window. He lowers the window)

Nqabayethu : Why are you so difficult?

Me : I'm not. Please give me the painkillers

Nqabayethu : Get in the car

Me : I'm not getting in.

Nqabayethu : ijaiv iwaar?

Me : There is no problem. I want to sleep… Nqabayethu
ngiyacela ungenzi izinto zibenzima.

(He reaches to the seat next to him and takes a small plastic. He
hands it over to me)

Me : Thanks

Nqabayethu : How are you feeling now?

Me : I'll be fine.

(I'm not going to ask him about what he did to my friends. I just
want to go back home)

Nqabayethu : Ungivala nini?

Me : As soon as I feel better.

Nqabayethu : Okay

Me : Uhambe kahle.

(I take a few steps)

Nqabayethu : Ngiyakuncanywa

Me : Do you really love me?

Nqabayethu : Blind

Me : How do…

(I sigh. He is not worth my energy)

Me : Bye
(I walk back home and he drives away. His pills really helped me
get some sleep. The next morning I got a whatsapp message
from my team leader asking me to come to work at 12h00. I
was expecting this. As soon as I arrive he calls me to his desk.)

Dlamini : Mhayise

Me : My leader

(I call him my leader whenever I'm trying to soften his heart. He

looks at my arm)

Dlamini : Are you okay?

Me : Yes

(I hold my arm. I should have worn my jacket to cover this. He

shakes his head and releases a faint sigh )

Dlamini : Mhayise I think you know why I called you here.

Me : It's about what happened yesterday

Dlamini : Correct

Me : I didn't tell him to come here Mr Dlamini, please believe

me.

(He shakes his head)

Dlamini : No, no, no. This is a place of work and those hooligans
walked in here like they were entering a shebeen. They were
carrying guns. Do you know what could have happened
yesterday?

Me : Please understand.

Dlamini : We have rules here. Did you even read your contract
or you just signed?
Me : I did. I'll sign another warning, it's fine

Dlamini : No you have to resign with immediate effect.

Me : What?

Dlamini : We don't feel safe with you in this company. You have
a relationship with dangerous people, our lives are at risk. We
cannot afford to work in fear.

Me : But you can't force me to resign

Dlamini : You want us to fire you? Do you know how that can
affect you? Mhayise
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we are doing you a favor here.

(Damn! He is right)
Dlamini : Resign before they fire you.

(I feel tears burning in my eyes)

Me : Okay

Dlamini : I'm sorry. I really am. I wish there is something I could

do but…

(He shrugs)

Me : I understand. I'll write my resignation letter

Dlamini : You can email it to me when you get home

Me : I can't email you.

(I stand up and head to my work station. I grab my pen and

some dirty paper. What am I going to write here? I write
whatever comes to my mind. I pack all my things and leave. I
leave the resignation letter on my desk. Everyone is looking at
me as I walk out. I hear them whispering "Is she leaving?" "Was
she on PAP?".. PAP (Poor Agent Performance) that speaks for
itself. It. When you go for PAP it clearly means you are doing
badly when it comes to making Sales. I get outside and request
my ride home.)

Driver : I don't have change

Me : Can't you ask around?

Driver : No, I can't. That is not my responsibility

Me : Angizwanga?

Driver : You knew that you were going to request a ride so why
ungashintshanga imali?

Me : It's after 12h00 why ungenawo ushintshi?

Driver : That's none of your business!!

Me : Why are you so rude?

(He stops the car and gives me my money)

Driver : Get out of my car

Me : Hhaibo but angisali la

Driver : I said get out of my car wena sfebe!

Me : No!

(He gets out of the car and walks around to my door. The door
opens and he drags me out and pushes me. I fell on the side of
the road. He hits me with my bag and gets inside the car. He
drives off)
Me : What the hell?

(What the fuck just happened? What did I do wrong? I get up

and dust myself. I'm so angry. Where the heck am I? Tears are
blurring my vision. I see Acacia Primary School. I'm not far away
from home but I'm still going to walk. Oh my God I can't believe
that idiot of a driver did that to me. Fuck I left my money in his
car. I begin walking and I'm thinking of calling Nqabayethu. I fix
my shoe laces. I see shadows in front of me. I lift up my head,
it's four young men. They look shady)

Baby girl

(One of them says)

Me : What do you want?

(I ask and stand up straight. I take a step back. They laugh)

Siyasebenza manje

(The other one says. What does he mean they are working
now? I'm still puzzled when I see them pulling out knives)

Letha ifoni sfebe!

(I'm being robbed. Hhayi I'm being robbed. I start sweating)

Me : Please don't do this…

(One of them snatches my bag. The other 3 search me, they are
touching every part of my body.)

Leave her, everything we need is here.

(There is a car coming. I scream but they run away with my

handbag. The car stops next to me and a woman gets out)
Woman : What happened?

Me : Ngibanjwe inkunzi

Woman : What? Where are they?

Me : They ran away

Woman : Oh my goodness. Come, come, I'll take you home.

Me : Thank you so much

(We get inside her car. I wipe my tears)

Woman : What did they take?

Me : My handbag. My phone was inside, nemali engango R400.

Woman : I'm so sorry

Me : Today is just not my day

Woman : I'm sorry

(I don't believe in bad luck because I've never experienced any

but today? Ay yiyo. This is what they call bad luck)
9
Mantwa : They robbed you?

(My mothers asks while following me into my bedroom)

Me : Yes

Mantwa : They took your brand new IPhone?

Me : Yes Mah and my money. They had knives

Mantwa : How much did they take?

Me : R400

Mantwa : Imali ye braai pack nelayisi phela leyo ne….

Me : Mah please. They could have killed me or raped me but all

you care about is money?
Mantwa : It was your boyfriend

Me : Who did what?

Mantwa : Who robbed you

Me : Hhaibo! it wasn't Nqabayethu

Mantwa : Of course it wasn't him but he sent those people to

rob you. Umgulukudu leya boyfriend yakho ne BM elidakiwe

Me : Nqabayethu would never do that to me!

Mantwa : "Nkabakethu kukeva kukethu kumi"

(She mimics my voice and pulls out a face)

Mantwa : He is capable of doing it! Nomzamo you don't know
him. Uyisigebengu loyamfana!

Me : He is not a criminal Mah

Mantwa : Did they hurt you?

Me : No. Kuqhamuke imoto besangikhuthuza

Mantwa : Ayke kulungile. Your sister is in hospital

Me : Lungile? What's wrong with her?

Mantwa : She fainted. Angithi you are all fainting.

Me : How bad is it?

Mantwa : She is fine now. Uzophuma kusasa. Are you working

tomorrow?
(How am I going to break the news? I know she will lose it)

Me : No, it's a public holiday

Mantwa : Aw but you work public holidays

Me : I know but I told them I won't work tomorrow

Mantwa : Why? Your boyfriend has stolen enough money for

you to stop working?

Me : Mah I hope you don't go around telling people that

Nqabayethu is a criminal

Mantwa : I don't need to go around telling people what they

already know.

Me : Nizofa yazi Mah nihambe nikhuluma izindaba zabantu.

Mantwa : A criminal is a criminal. Finish and Klaar

(She says and heads out)

Me : Please borrow me your phone

Mantwa : Ufuna ukufonela iginsa?

Me : No Mah

Mantwa : Uzoyikhokha I airtime yami Nomzamo

(She says while pulling out her phone)

Me : Uyeke ukufaka ifoni emabeleni

Mantwa : I'm hiding it. Angithi phela sihlala nentombi yeginsa

layikhaya
(She throws the phone on my bed and walks out. I close the
door and dial Nqabayethu's number. He answers and remains
silent)

Me : Hello?

Nqabayethu : I don't know you.

Me : Ey nkosiyam, Nqabayethu it's me.

Nqabayethu : Skhukhukazi, why ungidonsa ngenamba

engingayazi?

Me : I lost my phone.

Nqabayethu : Where are you?

Me : Home. I was robbed and they took my phone

Nqabayethu : Bancunde ibhelasi yakho?

Me : Yes they took my phone. Ngibanjwe amaphara

Nqabayethu : Waar?

Me : Ngase Acacia.

(Silence)

Me : Are you still there?

Nqabayethu : Sho. Uthi benzeni?

Me : They took my phone. I'm using my mother's phone but I'll

call you with Mlondi's number later

Nqabayethu : Did they touch you?

Me : No bangikhiphele imimese

Nqabayethu : Where are you?

Me : I'm at home. I'm fine Nqabayethu

Nqabayethu : Are you sure?

Me : Yes, I'll call you later. My mother's airtime is running out

Nqabayethu : Okay

(I hung up)

Mantwa : I knew you were calling him

(She says outside my door. My mother was listening to my
conversation with Nqabayethu. This woman. I open the door
and find her standing there)

Me : Here is your phone. Thanks

Mantwa : Utheni? Is he going to buy my airtime?

Me : He is actually going to buy you a new phone. Ulahle

lobhopopo wakho

(She takes her phone)

Mantwa : Mxm. Go and cook ngoba usufikile. Why did you

come back so early anyway?

(I swallow)

Me : The system crashed and they told us we can go home

Mantwa : Oh. Basize mina. I'm tired of cooking, khipha inyama.

(She sits down and takes a TV remote)

Me : Mah, can I ask you something?

Mantwa : Yah

Me : I'm asking for a friend neh?

Mantwa : Ask me

Me : So she was pregnant and….

Mantwa : Are you pregnant?

Me : No! I told you I'm asking for a friend Ay yekela Mah

Mantwa : No tell me

Me : Okay. She was pregnant and she found out that her
boyfriend was cheating on her so she decided to terminate the
pregnancy.

Mantwa : Yah?

Mantwa : But now she can't sleep. She is having weird dreams
an….

Mantwa : Upokelwa ilengane ayikhiphile

Me : Hawu Mah. She was only two months pregnant, that was
hardly a baby.

Mantwa : Ingane, ingane nje finish and klaar. Qhubeka

Me : She was telling me that bad things are starting to happen
towards her and she thinks maybe it's because of what she did.

Mantwa : Why did she kill her baby?

Me : Mah
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she didn't kill her baby. Ay wena awu understandi. I'll ask
somebody else who might help her

Mantwa : Help her how? By bringing back the baby she killed?

Me : No umuntu omdala ozomubonisa ukuthi engenzani not

someone who will judge her. Mah arbotion is legal

Mantwa : You think what your friend did is okay?

Me : No but I support her. She had her reasons… Valid reasons.

Mantwa : If you say so. Ey Nomzamo ungangimitheli mntanami.
Lungile's children are enough

Me : No angisoze… angisoze ngenza into enjalo.

Mantwa : Good because loyaskhotheni wakho is not fit to be a

father.

Me : I know. Let me… Let me start cooking

Mantwa : Please make me some tea. Khona nesinkwa uma

ulambile

Me : No, I'm fine. I'll make you tea

Mantwa : Thanks

(I go to the kitchen. I finished cooking and bathed. The time was

20h30 and we were watching TV when someone knocked on
our door. Anele runs to open the door)
Mantwa : Yey!! Ngathini kuwena ngokuvula iminyango
ebusuku. What if it's someone with a gun? Ekudubule ufe la.
Nomzamo open the door

(I stand up and open. I freeze. It's Nqabayethu, he is leaning

against the wall, smoking. The moment he sees me, he walks
out of the gate. I close the door)

Mantwa : Who is it?

Me : Mah?

Mantwa : Lapho emnyango, who was knocking?

Me : No one. I think Izinja

Mantwa : Izinja zakwa Mchunu seziya knocker? Ay imihlola

Me : Imihlola ngempela…. I'm going to the spaza shop. Is there
anything you need?

Mantwa : Spaza shop? Now?

Me : Yes Mah

(She shakes her head)

Mantwa : Usiphathele i drink.

Me : Okay

(I open the door)

Mantwa : Uzothenga ngamehlo?

Me : No, don't worry about money.

(I walk out and close the door. I find Nqabayethu sitting in his
car. I open and get in)

Me : What were you thinking uyongqongqoza ekhaya Nqaba?

Nqabayethu : You don't have a phone so I had no choice but to

go and knock

Me : You could have sent someone

Nqabayethu : There was no one.

(I sigh)

Me : Please try and respect umuzi wasekhaya

Nqabayethu : I'll try. Bamba hier

(He gives me something. I can't believe it)

Me : My phone! Where did you get my phone Nqabayethu? Oh
my God nemali yami

(I switch it on. It is indeed my phone. My R400 is also here)

Me : Nqaba, where did you get my things?

Nqabayethu : From the people who took them.

Me : But how?

Nqabayethu : I asked around and I got the people who robbed

you.

(I hug him. He laughs)

Me : Thank you baby

Nqabayethu : Amanzi amancane skhukhukazi.

(Wait, his jacket. There is something on his jacket)

Me : Nqabayethu?

Nqabayethu : What?

Me : Is that blood?

Nqabayethu : Where?

Me : On your jacket. La ngasehlombe

Nqabayethu : Oh this.

(He takes off his jacket and throws it in the back seat)
Me : Yes that, is it blood?

Nqabayethu : No

Me : Unamanga! I know it's blood. Nqaba wenzeni? Huh? What

have you done?

(Silence)
10
(3 bodies with gun wounds were found inside a water tank
outside Acacia Primary School. The bodies are still waiting to be
identified. Kwa Mchunu is a very quiet place and people hardly
get killed so this is strange. I haven't seen Nqabayethu today. I
decided to drop the subject about the blood on his jacket when
he gave me this cold and intense gaze. Yesterday it was a public
holiday and we went out. He bought Nandos for my family and
Steers ribs for me. At Steers we saw Nqabayethu's friend
Nyathuko and his family. I swear his wife was crying. I heard she
wasn't feeling well. I'm in Nqabayethu's house Ohlange. I just
told him that I lost my job and he doesn't think it was his fault.
He thinks it's normal for a boyfriend to walk inside his
girlfriend's place of work with a gun and force her to leave with
him.)

Me : It's because of you Nqabayethu

Nqabayethu : You will find another job. Lezinto zenu zigcwele

yonke indawo

Me : You don't get it yazi wena ncegela

(I hit the back of his head)

Nqabayethu : There is a car coming

Me : How do you know?

Nqabayethu : I can hear it

(He was right. 3 to 4 minutes later a car parked outside his

house)

Me : Go and open the door

(He gets out of bed)

Nqabayethu : Ufunani ngaleskhathi lo?

Me : Who is it?
(He ignores me and walks out to open the door)

Nqabayethu : Ey Thukeh uwena lendoda

(It's his friend Nyathuko. What is he doing here so late? I hear

Nqabayethu laughing)

Nqabayethu : Uphumaphi?

(I can't hear Nyathuko responding)

Nqabayethu : Ha! Manje? Zwakala. So you took her to the

hospital?

Nyathuko : Yah

(They are both inside the house now. I jump out of the bed and
look at them through a small gap on the door. They are both
standing by the door in the living room. Nyathuko is so neat
and he has style. My man got style too)

Nyathuko : I almost killed her. Buka Nqaba

(He crosses his fingers)

Nqabayethu : Yo! Yo! Boy, u Sthah usakwesakhe na nou?

Nyathuko : Yeah. Lapho ngimkhumbuleni bafo umfazi wami

nengane yami. Ngidlala lesfebe lesi nxi.

(He sits on the couch. Nyathuko seems really angry)

Nyathuko : Sthabile blocked me, angisamtholi. Ey uyabona nje

Nqabayethu : But did you tell her what exactly happened?

Nyathuko : She doesn't want to hear it. Uyabona ukuthi yini
ngingabufuni utshwala? I fucked up mfanakithi. My wife is hurt.
Ey yabona futhi

Nqabayethu : Take it easy bro buka usushayeke kanjani

Nyathuko : I can't even eat. I'm stressed Nqaba

Nqabayethu : But you need to tell Sthabile ukuthi that bitch

drugged you

(Ashton did what?)

Nyathuko : She won't believe me. Ashton ruined my life, bafo. I

shouldn't have called her that night. Nxi bekumele ngimbulale
nje straight

Nqabayethu : No no, awufuni ukufahlaka boy. You have kids

plus Sthah is pregnant
(I almost banged my head on the door. Hhayi Sthabile is
pregnant again. Their baby is only 3 or 4 months so how did she
fall pregnant?)

Nyathuko : That's another issue. Izinkinga enginazo boy Ay

ngeke. Sthabile is going to kill me

Nqabayethu : She doesn't know that she is pregnant?

Nyathuko : Not yet. Uzobhiyozani meke athola

(Nqabayethu laughs)

Nqabayethu : But she will get over it.

Nyathuko : You don't know my wife. Ey Nqaba uyabhampa

uSthah

Nqabayethu : Kusamele umgaxe impama kanye

(Listen to this idiot. Nqabayethu thinks it's okay to beat up
women)

Nyathuko : I'll never lay my hand on my wife.

Nqabayethu : Oh yena umshaya ngepipi abanye uyabagandaya?

(He laughs) manje awufuni u beer?

Nyathuko : Are you crazy?

(Nqabayethu laughs. Nyathuko stands up. I can't see him

anymore but I can hear his voice)

Nyathuko : And then?

Nqabayethu : Izincwadi eziphuma esgele

Nyathuko : Yah?
Nqabayethu : Ey Thukeh ihlehlele bro wami

Nyathuko : No we will talk about it. Ngeke ngidakelwe uwena

mina. Kanti uyasangana?

Nqabayethu : Sokhuluma bafo

(Oh Nqabayethu respects Nyathuko. I've never heard anyone

speaking to him in that manner)

Nyathuko : Stop proving her right Nqaba

Nqabayethu : I don't care what that woman thinks.

Nyathuko : I know but angifuni ekubone uyi flob and please

stay away from that hospital

Nqabayethu : I only went there once and I didn't see her

Nyathuko : Stay away from her

Nqabayethu : Sho

(Who are they talking about?)

Nyathuko : I need to go now

Nqabayethu : Manje ksasa?

Nyathuko : I'll call you. Ukhona umama?

Nqabayethu : Sho, she is in the bedroom.

Nyathuko : Umbingelele. Ngisayolala

Nqabayethu : I will. Do you think she will press charges?

Nyathuko : I don't care what Mimo does. I'm worried about my
wife. Buka nje ngilimele kanjani. Ey ngiyasizonda lesiyasfebe
Nqabayethu

(They head out)

Nqabayethu : Let me see

(He is looking at Nyathuko's hand)

Nqabayethu : It's not that bad. Uthobe uzoba grand

Nyathuko : I'll see you..

(Nyathuko walks out and Nqabayethu remains standing by the

door)

Nqabayethu : Uya eMachobeni pho manje?... Yini

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li flat?

(Nqabayethu walks out following Nyathuko. I think there is a

problem in Nyathuko's car)

Nqabayethu : Uzofika eMzinyathi, relax. Uhambe grand boy

(Nqabayethu is coming back. I run back to bed. The door closes

in the living room and Nqabayethu walks in laughing)

Nqabayethu : Iyakhala intwana yami. Kanti, what did Sthabile

do to him ngempela?

Me : Ay Nqabayethu he just loves her nje

Nqabayethu : No skhukhukazi umrikhile. Yazi he has lost some

weight ngoba exabene no Sthabile nje
Me : Serious?

Nqabayethu : Yeah skhukhukazi, intwana yami ishayekile nje

ebusweni Uthi akasadli.

Me : Shame man. Sthabile needs to come back

Nqabayethu : Ngempela because Nyathuko can't live without

her. Ay mina angifuni ukushada makushintshana kanje

Me : There is nothing wrong with marriage. Nyathuko just loves

his wife

Nqabayethu : He loves her way too much and Sthabile uses that
to control him. Aw ngentwana yami madoda

Me : Are you older than him?

Nqabayethu : Yeah, ingane uThukeh. I'm 3 years older than him

Me : He is 31 years old… Did you see them kissing at Steers last
night?

Nqabayethu : Mxm ngoba kade esetetema nje uSthabile.

Me : But they were cute. So Sthabile is pregnant again?

Nqabayethu : Akadlali umfana kaZondi uyamithisa

(He climbs on top of me and kisses my neck. I feel

uncomfortable)

Me : Nqaba wait

Nqabayethu : Yini manje skhukhukazi?

Me : No wait, we are still talking.

Nqabayethu : I don't want to talk anymore. Ngifuna simithisane
nathi

Me : What?

Nqabayethu : Yeah Nomzamo, I want a baby.

(He is serious. I know he is serious. My heart is pounding fast.

This is not happening)
11
(Note : This Chapter is not recommended to sensitive readers)

Nqabayethu : You don't want to have a baby with me?

Me : That's not what I'm saying

Nqabayethu : Uthini pho Nomzamo?

Me : I'm saying give me some time. This is too soon

Nqabayethu : It's never too soon for anything. Skhukhukazi I'm

not getting any younger. Abafana abancane ukunami
bathrowile banamavrou namadladla and mina angina direction

Me : There is time for everything

Nqabayethu : And nou it's time ukuthi mina nawe sibe

nengcosi
Me : I think Nyathuko coming here was a bad idea mase
ungtshela izindaba zezingane ezingasile

(His face drops)

Nqabayethu : Ay ku grand. Gidla

(He gets out of bed. My heart shatters)

Me : Baby listen

(I climb out of bed following him)

Nqabayethu : No ku grand. Ngeke ngi blome hier and listen to

you ungitshela indlela ozonda ngayo izingane

Me : I don't hate babies. I'm just not ready

Nqabayethu : Mhlampe imina inkinga. Maybe it's me you don't
want to have a baby with.

Me : Ay angazi ke

(He chuckles)

Nqabayethu : No I understand. Akuthina sonke esasidalelwe

ukuba nemindeni yegazi. Abanye bethu imindeni ababedalelwe
yona abantu nje esabafica khona la emhlabeni abangelona igazi
kodwa labo bantu ibona kuphela ibona kuphela imindeni
esiyoke sibenayo.

(Those words feel like a big stabbing in my heart)

Me : Akulona iqiniso lokho

Nqabayethu : It is. Nomzamo if my own parents couldn't love

me then how can I expect anyone else to love me eze
engithwalele nembewu yami? No
Me : Manzini, I love you and I'm sure your parents also love
you.

Nqabayethu : No ungakhulumi into ongayazi. You know nothing

about my parents!!! Nothing!!

(He yells and pushes me)

Me : That is true! I know nothing about you! So angeke ngibe

nengane nawe

Nqabayethu : Oh kunjalo?

Me : Exactly that! Nqabayethu ngeke ngibe nengane nomuntu

ongiphathisa okwebhola lakhe mina, uyangizwa? I don't want
your baby!

(He glares at me. I don't give a shit)

Nqabayethu : You don't mean that

Me : Oh yes I do. I mean every word

Nqabayethu : Do you even love me?

(I remain silent. Of course I love him, I do but right now I just

can't speak, it's like something is blocking my voice)

Nqabayethu : Unenye indoda Nomzamo, you are cheating on

me and that's why you didn't want me to pick you up from
work mawsebenza ebusuku, angithi?

Me : No, no I'm not cheating on you

Nqabayethu : You are! Angikubuzi ngiyakutshela!!

(He pushes me roughly and I fall on the bed. Tonight he is going

to kill me. I know he will)
Me : Nqaba, please listen to me. Calm down baby

Nqabayethu : I'm not going to calm down!!

Me : Ngiyaxolisa

Nqabayethu : No you are not. Awukakaxolisi Nomzamo,

usazoxolisa, trust me.

Me : Nqaba….

Nqabayethu : Are you cheating on me? Ingakho ungafuni

ingane nami?

(No I'm not going to tell him that I had an abortion. I'm not
going to tell him that his baby that I killed is still coming out of
my vagina and I have a pad sticking on my panties to block it as
we speak)
Me : No
I'm not cheating on you

Nqabayethu : You are lying, I know you are lying.

(His hands move to his back and they come back with his gun. I
scream)

Me : Nqabayethu! Please don't, please don't kill me.

(His face looks so calm but I know deep down he is not as calm
as he looks. I expect him to hold me at gunpoint but no, he
places the gun on the table next to the bed)

Nqabayethu : Woza la

(I don't like how he is looking at me and I don't like how he is

using his finger signaling me to come to him. I'm slowly moving
back on the bed and I feel my back touching the wall. Dead
end)
Me : Ngiyasaba Nqaba

Nqabayethu : Nomzamo meke ngagibela kulombhede ngafika

lapho ngizokubulala

(He is coming closer. My heart starts racing)

Me : It's okay ungibulale. Kill me like you killed our baby

(He freezes)

Nqabayethu : What?

(I swallow the burning lump in my throat)

Me : Ungizwile

Nqabayethu : Nomzamo what did you say?

Me : You heard me! What do you think happened when you
were kicking me like a ball ungihudula emgaqweni lapha e
Mount Edgecombe?

(His breathing grows louder)

Me : I'll tell you what happened. I was pregnant, Nqabayethu. I

was carrying your child and when you were beating me up like
a dog uzenza indoda la kimi. Well guess what? You were killing
your own baby

(He tightens his fists)

Me : Oh the Ghetto King can't speak now? Angithi wena uwu

Nkulunkulu, when people see you they throw themselves on
your feet. Yes angithi no Nkulunkulu uyapha aphinde athathe,
nawe ke Nqaba wangimithisa kwaphinda futhi kwanguwe
ozibulalela ingane yakho so yes maybe you were meant to have
strangers to call family and not your own family by blood.
(My blood is now boiling)

Nqabayethu : No
(He whispers while shaking his head. I get out of bed. He is a
powerless toothless bulldog now so there is nothing he can do
to me)
Me : Yes, Yes!! You did Nqaba, you killed your baby. Ufuna
ingane angithi wena? Huh?
(I repeatedly ask him while I take off my jeans. I throw my jeans
on the bed and I pull down my panties. I take out my panties
that have a pad with the blood of his baby sticking on them and
I throw them in front of him.)
Me : Ufuna ingane angithi? Nayi eyakho ingane Nqabayethu,
here is your baby.

(I say and walk out, leaving him staring at the pad that's soaked
in blood on the floor staring right back at him. I slam the door
and sit down. Tears stream down my face. What have I done?)
12
(2 hours later I'm still sitting on cold tiles, wearing only my t-
shirt. The door opens. He is standing behind me. I'm blocking
his way. I shift aside. Instead of walking past, he sits down next
to me. We sit in silence)

Nqabayethu : Yenzeke nini lento?

(He finally asks with a voice full of sadness. I need to think as

soon as possible)

Me : You mean when did I fall pregnant?

Nqabayethu : Sho

Me : Do you remember when you found me in the hospital?

(He looks at me)

Nqabayethu : Sho

Me : Yes, angithi ngaquleka emsebenzini? And when I got to the

hospital they told me that I was 3 weeks pregnant.

Nqabayethu : And you decided not to tell me?

Me : I was scared. Kade ungishaya I wanted to tell you but

wawungasezwa lutho Nqabayethu

(He lets out a sharp sigh)

Nqabayethu : I'm fucked up. Yazi I knew that I'm fucked but
uyabona hier ngishaye esokugcina. Nomzamo ngiyibulala
kanjani ngempela ingane yami, igazi lami?

Me : You didn't know

Nqabayethu : No ungazami ukungenza ngizizwe kangcono. I

killed my baby and nothing will ever change that
Me : Even at the hospital I wanted to tell you but wawungena
skhathi. For a moment ngikubona lapha I hoped that you were
there to see me and I was praying ukuthi kube khona nje
osekutshelile ukuthi ngikhulelwe and you were there to support
me but no you were there ngezinye izizathu zakho engingazazi

Nqabayethu : I was there to see Sylvia

Me : Sylvia?

Nqabayethu : Sylvia Luthuli

Me : Who is that?

Nqabayethu : A woman who gave birth to me

Me : Your mother?
Nqabayethu : She is not my mother, wangizala nje kuphela.

Me : She works there?

Nqabayethu : Yes. She is a nurse

Me : Oh

Nqabayethu : Nomzamo ayikho into engingayisho manje. I

killed our baby and angisoze ngakuthola ukuphumula ngalokho

(He stands up and walks out. I stand up and plug the kettle. I
cleaned the blood where I was sitting and I bathed. Nqabayethu
walks in.)

Nqabayethu : We need to go

Me : What?
Nqabayethu : The police are coming here

Me : Ini?

Nqabayethu : Take your things and go to my car. Now

Nomzamo!!

Me : Hhaibo

Nqabayethu : Awungizwa ukuthi ngithini?

Me : I hear you

(I packed the bag I came with. I finish and go straight to his car.
He locks the house and runs inside the car. He drives off. He is
driving like a crazy person)

Me : Musa ukugijima
(He keeps checking the rear view mirror and side mirrors.)

Me : Where are we going?

Nqabayethu : Ballito

Me : Who do you know in Ballito?

Nqabayethu : Nyathuko

(I shake my head)

Me : Impilo kodwa le Nqabayethu?

(He looks at me)

Me : Ukuhlala njalo ubaleka

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ukubona kuyimpilo?

Nqabayethu : Don't worry

Me : No I'm not worried about you but I'm worried about

myself ukuthi unyaka ozayo uzoshaya ngisaphila yini ngoba
ngithandana nawe nje noma ngiyobe sengifile ngibulewe izitha
zakho

(Silence. We arrived in Ballito. Sthabile gave us her tasteless

food. That woman can't cook. We are watching TV and her
husband is busy touching her non stop. Why is their baby not
sleeping? I don't know but seeing this baby makes me feel
some type of way now. I used to love Ndlelenhle but I'm not
sure anymore. Nqabayethu tried to give him to me but I quickly
gave him back to his parents)

Nqabayethu : Do you always cook?

(Sthabile laughs. Nyathuko kisses her cheek)

Nyathuko : Nqaba please leave my wife alone.

Sthabile : No Nqabayethu I don't always cook. Sis Moltah who is

helping us around the house was off today so I had to cook but
anifanga angithi?

(We all laugh)

Me : I'm tired

(I whisper to Nqabayethu)

Nqabayethu : Sisahleli nje

(I look at Sthabile and Nyathuko. Sthabile clears her throat)

Sthabile : Sengilungisile embhedeni sisi. We can go

(Thank God. I stand up)

Nyathuko : Baby ulenzile ibhodlela lika Ndlela?

Sthabile : No nana, ngicela usenzela.

Nyathuko : Why is he not sleeping namhlanje? Ngizomfaka

ipanado mina

(They both laugh. The way Nqabayethu is looking at Ndlelenhle

and Nyathuko makes my heart break. I killed him. I killed
Nqabayethu alive. I hold his arm)

Me : Let's go and sleep

Nqabayethu : No there is something I need to discuss with

Nyathuko first

Me : Okay, uzongifica
Sthabile :.... Uyambo? Eh eene! Thukeh uzoyidla ngempela

(They are busy with their baby, again. Gosh, I wish I didn't go to
Nqabayethu's house because I wouldn't be here)

Sthabile : Oh you are done. Let's go

(I take my bag and follow her. We enter the guest bedroom. It's
beautiful and warm)

Sthabile : Let me take this. U Thukeh I charger yakhe uyishiya

yonke indawo mase elokhu ethi imina la

(She giggles. I laugh because I feel like I don't have a choice)

Me : Sthabile, right?

(She smiles)
Me : Sorry nginenkinga yokukhohlwa. Do you have painkillers?
Sthabile : Yes… Wait, khona alana futhi
(She opens the drawer)
Sthabile : Yah nanka
Me : Thank you. Ama pads wona awunawo?
(She raises her eyebrows)
Sthabile : Umhmmm pads? No ngisebenzisa ama tampons sisi
Me : Please give me
(She smiles)
Sthabile : No problem. Let me get them for you

(She walks out. I look around. Their bed looks so clean and
comfortable. I can't wait to sleep there. I'm feeling so cold and I
have this shooting pain in my lower stomach)
13
Nqabayethu : Ngivale ngonyawo lehhashi emnyango mina
Thalente so no evil formed against me shall prosper.
Namaphoyisa ke awakwazanga ukungena

(They all laugh. Thalente and Nyathuko are here to visit

Nqabayethu. Nyathuko just came now and he seems a bit off.
He is sitting on the boot of his car with his cute baby on his lap.
I don't think this man ever goes anywhere without that baby.)

Me : Nqaba, here is salt

(They are having braai)

Nqabayethu : Sondela phela

Nyathuko : Ey yabo uSthabile futhi.

(He says staring at his phone. Nqabayethu and Thalente laugh

out loud)
Nqabayethu : Where is she now?

Nyathuko : I don't know this restaurant. USthah uyenzani imali

engaka?

(I give Nqabayethu the salt)

Me : Sawubona Nyathuko

Nyathuko : Nkosazana uyaphila?

Me : I'm good… Hello Ndlela

(Ndlelenhle is staring at me while sucking his father's finger)

Thalente : But it's better because you know that she is fine
Nyathuko : Why is she not answering my calls? Iskhathisini vele
manje?

(Oh that's why he seems unhappy, he can't get hold of his wife)

Nqabayethu : u 17h00… Skhukhukazi awuthathe u Ndlela uye

naye endlini.
Kunentuthu hier

Nyathuko : Ngicabanga ukuhamba manje. Ngoba ngihamba no

Ndlelenhle angifuni kuze kubemnyama

Nqabayethu : Relax, it's still early

Thalente : Asishaye inyama mase uyavaya

Me : Woza boy boy. ngeke ekhale?

(He looks up at his father. This baby is too smart. His father
laughs)

Nyathuko : Hamba

(I take him but his eyes are still on his father)

Nyathuko : Bhabhayi Ndlela

Me : Ithi bhabhayi boy

(I expect Ndlelenhle to cry but he doesn't. I take him to the

house with me. I close the door and squeeze him tightly in my
arms. My heart feels at ease)

Me : Thanks to your father for bringing you here. Bengingazi

ukuthi ngikudinga kangaka… Let's sit down, okay? Yes boy boy

(I sit on the bed and watch him. Sthabile's son is so beautiful)

Me : You know baba, I love you. I know I love you so much but
sometimes I don't. Sometimes I hate you so much Ndlelenhle
because you are just a reminder of what I did.

(I sigh)

Me : I did terrible things. Things that I cannot tell anyone else

except you ngoba wena awukhulumi, angithi baba?

(He is laughing. I don't know why he is laughing but it warms

my heart)

Me : Do you think it was a boy? Huh Ndlela? Maybe it was a

girl. I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to be a mother and I judged
Nqabayethu too soon. But you know what? I will never be
ready to be a mother. I'm not Sthabile, I'm not your mother and
I'm not any other girl.

(I swallow)
Me : Mina ngu Nomzamo Simtholile Mhayise, who used to
come home to a drunk mother. Umama owayema emnyango
ethuke bonke abantu, engene endlini eshaye thina and when
she finally got tired wayehlala phansi eziphalazele, ezichamele

(Tears are forming in my eyes but I'm not going to cry so I

laugh)

Me : Yes baba, ezichamele njengengane. But I was glad uma

konke lokho ekwenzela ekhaya because ayikho into
eyayingishayisa ngamahloni njengokubizwa abantu bethi
wozani nilande umawenu nangu ezichamele lapha ezansi. That
broke my heart Ndlela. Finding my mother lying on the road,
dirty and wet, it broke my heart. I had to become a mother to
Mlondi. I raised Mlondi, ngimugeza, ngimushintsha, ngimuyisa
eskoleni (Sigh) mhlampe uthando lwezingane lwangiphelela
lapho, angazi. I prayed that one day I find a man, a rich man
ezongondla inginike imali ithi go shopping ngihambe ngikhithize
yonke into engiyifunayo and then come back home to him,
come back home to happiness
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to peace, into a warm home and into the arms of the man that I
love. Was that too much to ask?
(He is just sucking his fingers, staring at me with his big eyes)

Me : I guess it was ngoba angikutholanga lokho but instead

ngathola indoda nje engangena noma inini kuleligumbi ithi
asibaleke. I know that deep down he is a good man but a
broken good man and ngizwa angathi ngishayelele isipikili
sokugcina enhliziyweni yakhe. I shouldn't have lied.
Nqabayethu didn't kill our baby kwakungamele ngiqambe
amanga but I didn't have a choice ngoba wayezongibulala
ngalobuyabusuku.

(I sit up)

Me : Ngibhekana kanjani nonembeza wami? Mhmmm? I wish

these dreams could stop. I wish ingqondo yami
ibingengibuyesela emumva njalo uma ngibona ingane encane
because every time I see a little baby that night comes back to
me. Ngizwa angathi yonke into evalekayo empilweni yami it's
because of that baby. Ngiyayizwa ikhala ,ngiyayizwa ihleka,
ingithinta and I don't know how to stop it. Please tell me it's all
in my head. I did nothing wrong, ngenza okwakufanele
ngikwenze, angithi? Ngakhipha ihluli nje elingeyona ingane
yangempela. Pho why ngizisola manje?

(My phone rings. I sniff and answer)

Me : Hey Mandy

Mandy : Tholi, how are you?

Me : You know me. I'm always good

Mandy : And why did you resign?

Me : It was time

Mandy : And you decided not to tell me? sengizwa

ngalabondaba basemsebenzini

Me : I was going to tell you. Bengisadinga isikhathi

Mandy : Are you sure everything is good?

Me : Of course. I'm chilling with the most beautiful child in the

whole world

(I smile looking at Ndlelenhle)

Mandy : Good for you. I'm on my way from the hospital

Me : Are you sick?

Mandy : No bengiyobona u Ashton

Me : Oh, your friend? What's wrong with her?

Mandy : Ushawe indoda weOe ungamubona umabokoboko

kanjani but she will be fine.
Me : Her boyfriend beat her?

Mandy : Yes, days ago. Ey it's a long story but I'm also involved
in it ingakho nje sekuyimi ogijima ezibhedlela eyombheka. She
is blaming me for everything

Me : Wait, ushawe iyiphi I boyfriend? U Nyathuko noma enye?

Mandy : Yes that one

(I get out of bed)

Me : Hhaibo I remember, ngiyakhumbula efika la ebusuku ethi

uphuma esibhedlela. Ekhuluma nangaye u Ashton

Mandy : Yep, he finished hitting her wayomulaxaza

esibhedlela.

Me : Don't lie!
Mandy : I'm telling you, Uthi u Ashton ngacishe ngafa we
Mandy ngoba nje uThukeh wesho ukumbulala.

Me : And how is that any of your business? Ngoba phela

awungeni lapho

Mandy : Ey weOe ilento yokwenza izinto samantombazane sithi

siyaganga so I gave Ashton wrong stuff to use. Ayke angazike u
Nyathuko ipipi lanjani

(She lets out a heavy sigh)

Mandy : Yey I don't even want to talk about it. What I know is
that I don't even wish to come across that Nyathuko ngoba
uyongibulala

Me : Ay zinoju mntakamkhulu. Manake, you gave her what? I

don't understand.
Mandy : Wee kambe awazi lutho wena. Ay I'll tell you
mesibonana

Me : Wow. Yazi ngeke ukholwe if I tell you ukuthi lo Nyathuko

okhuluma ngaye is outside as we speak kanti ingane yakhe nayi
la phambi kwami

Mandy : Oh my God! Unamanga!

Me : I'm telling you

Mandy : Jesu! Bye Simtholile please don't tell him you know
me

(I laugh)

Me : Wait le…

Mandy : No, bye

(She hung up. I laugh.)

Kuhlekwani kangaka nefoni?

(I freeze. Nqabayethu is standing behind me. His hands are

tucked inside his pockets. His head is lowered but his eyes are
looking up at me with an evil glare)

Me : I was speaking to Mandy, unga checker nefoni yami uma

ungangikholwa

(I handed him my phone but he hit it and it fell off my hand)

Nqabayethu : Ungitshela indaba yezifebe la… Awulethe ingane

ka Thukeh uyeke ukungidakelwa

Me : Sorry
(I take Ndlelenhle and give him to Nqabayethu)

Nqabayethu : Yah ntwana ka Thukeh umawakho akekho

uyofeba naye, your father can't get hold of her. Bayafeba, yeh
boy?

(He asks Ndlelenhle while stepping his big foot on my phone

that is still on the floor. He smashes it slowly with his eyes fixed
on me. He is damaging my phone screen)

Me : Nqaba…..

(He walks out with Ndlelenhle in his arms. I quickly pick up my

phone. There is ink all over it, it's fucked up. I hit it on the wall
in frustration. Fuck Nqabayethu!!)
14
(My mother knocks on my door. I quickly take the newspaper
and hide it under my pillow)

Me : It's open

(The door opens and she walks in)

Mantwa : What are you doing?

Me : Nothing

Mantwa : So you are not going to work again?

(I scratch my head)

Me : Mhmm-mhmm

Mantwa : Nomzamo what's going on?

Me : Nothing is going on

Mantwa : Uyeke umsebenzi? Is that what you did?

(I swallow. She raises her eyebrows with her mouth half

opened)

Mantwa : Wee Shembe!! Ngiqinisile. Lengane iyeke umsebenzi.

You quit your job? Nomzamo uyeke umsebenzi! Hhaibo
Nomzamo u……

(She jumps onto my bed and grabs me by my neck. She slaps

me. I flinch.)

Mantwa : What were you thinking? Ukuthi leliyaginsa lakho

lizokondla? Nomzamo ngoba usalala embhedeni omiswe
ngezitina nje do you think ikhona into esile that boy will ever do
for you? Nothing!! He will never do anything for you, niyohlale
nje ningoskhotheni nobabili.
(Tears are already streaming down my face)

Mantwa : Lalela ke, I'm giving you one week, only one week to
get a new job kungenjalo uphume uphele la emzini ka
Themba!!

(She walks out. She is furious. Okay, Themba was my father and
he died years ago. After my father died Mantwa found another
man and she fell pregnant with Mlondi. Only Mlondi is from a
different father. Back to this job issue. I've already applied for a
job and I'm waiting for them to call me. Getting a job is much
easier in this call center world so I'm not worried that much. I
take out the newspaper that has Nqabayethu's picture on the
front page. Ndaba Media & Advertising is brave for running this
story. But what I know for sure is that Nqabayethu doesn't
know anything about it. Whoever wrote this knows
Nqabayethu very well because everything I see here is true and
it could put Nqabayethu in jail.)

(At 3am the following day Nqabayethu was knocking on my

window. He broke my phone so he couldn't call me and he had
to knock on my window. We need to do something about that
gate because Nqabayethu can't go in and out as he pleases. He
came with the black VW kombi today. He is sitting in the back
and the passenger door is opened. I get in and sit next to him.
He looks so drained)

Nqabayethu : Awuvale lescabha

(He points at the door using his eyes. He sounds drained too. I
close the door. )

Me : Are you okay?

Nqabayethu : Mhmm-mhmm. Asambeni

Me : No, Nqabayethu I'm not going with you

Nqabayethu : Sithini isxakaxaka?

Me : Because my mother is leaving now at 08h00 so I need to

look after the kidz.
(He kisses me and runs his hand under my top pajama. I push
his hand)

Me : No, What are you doing?

Nqabayethu : Angithi you don't want to come with me.

Asibhebhane lana ke

Me : No!!

(He closes his eyes like he is feeling some pain. Is Nqaba

drunk?)

Me : Are you okay?

Nqabayethu : Yes. Phuma ngivaye

Me : Nqaba sisakhuluma. Where are you coming from
ngaleskhathi?

Nqabayethu : Nyathuko

(He leans back and sighs)

Me : E ballito ngaleskhathi?

Nqabayethu : I'm going to kill leyantombazane nomndeni wayo

wonke.

(He says staring into space)

Me : What are you talking about?

Nqabayethu : Ngizobulala ngisho naleliwele elifunda e

Allingham and I will kill the baby that she is carrying.
Ngimhlinze mina ngiyikhiphe leyangane ngiyigonise uNyathuko
isifile
Me : Did Nyathuko give the story to the journalists?

Nqabayethu : If he thinks I'm scared of jail then he clearly

doesn't know me. I'm going to make him suffer until he goes
down on his knees and begs me to kill him. I will remind him
what it was like killing my own sister

(My heart stops)

Me : Who killed your sister?

Nqabayethu : Uma ecabanga ukuthi ukungikhumbuza ngokufa

kukadadewethu ikona okuzongivimba ukuthi ngingabulali
umfazi wakhe kusho ukuthi akangazi. Ngizobabhodisa blind.

(I don't think Nqabayethu realizes that I'm still here. He is

staring at one place, not moving his body or his eyes either. He
is just talking and talking like no one is listening)
Nqabayethu : He got me today. Ungibanbe la ngimuncane
ngakhona. I knew he would do anything to protect his wife
kodwa ukuthi engikhumbuze into aziyo ukuthi ngilwisane nayo
isikhathi eside kanjani
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that was a low blow.

Me : Nqabayethu, what happened in Ballito?

Nqabayethu : It is time I remind him that I started killing at the

age of 13th.

(My heart races. I'm going to faint)

Me : What? Nqabayethu you d…..

Nqabayethu : Get out of my car

Me : Ini?
Nqabayethu : Out

(He gets up from his seat and opens the door for me)

Nqabayethu : Phuma, Phuma, Phuma.

(He says while tapping my back)

Me : Hhaibo!!

(I jumped out of his car. I was so confused that I stood there

even after he drove off because my mind was literally frozen)

Nomzamo!

(I hear a breaking sound. Shit! It's the glass I was using to drink
water. It fell on the floor. I turn around. it's my mother)
Me : Sorry, sorry.

Mantwa : Uzowathenga ngani lama glass ami owabulalayo

because you are unemployed now?

Me : Mah?

Mantwa : Where are you coming from so early in the morning

nama pajamas?

(I'm just staring at her)

Mantwa : Nomzamo usubhema iBenzine yini?

Me : He is going to kill me

Mantwa: Who?

Me : Nqabayethu Mah, when he finds out, he will kill me.

Mantwa : When he finds out about what?

Me : He is going to kill Sthabile and Ndlelenhle

Mantwa : Obani manje labo? Nomzamo what have you done?
Me : Kuzomele ngibatshele. I need Sthabile's number…
Kuzomele ngithole inamba ka Sthabile ngimuxwayise Mah. He is
going to kill them
Mantwa : Ubani!?
(She shouts)
Me : I need to go
Mantwa : Go? Go where? Awuyeke ukuzisanganisa
Nomzamo!!!
Me : You don't understand Mah, you don't!!!
(I run into my bedroom and lock the door. I sit on the floor and
let the tears fall off my face)
15
(I'm in Nqabayethu's house. I came early this morning because I
had to do laundry for him. His house has changed, it looks
decent with all the new furniture. Even though I had to force
him to buy it. It's warm now with a homely feeling. I'm sitting
on the couch, folding his clothes. I finish folding his clothes and
put them on the coffee table. It's getting more dark outside. I
need to switch on the outdoor house lights. I hear his car
parking outside and my stomach turns immediately.
Nqabayethu makes me so nervous. I see the door handle
moving and the door opens. He walks in.)

Nqabayethu : Awukhanyisile ngani emnyango?

Me : Bengizokhanyisa manje. I'm still folding your clothes

(He switches on the outdoor lights)

Nqabayethu : Ufikile uNyathuko la?

(He takes out his gun and throws it on the couch. My heart is
already beating like crazy)

Me : uNyath… No, no. He didn't come here

Nqabayethu : Kanti uphi?... Mi

(He throws me a small white shopping bag)

Nqabayethu : Uphinde futhi ufebe ngayo

(Oh it's a brand new phone, an IPhone. This one is way better
than the one he broke. I try to pull out a smile)

Me : Thank you

Nqabayethu : Uyabona ke manje u Nyathuko uyangidake……

(He pauses. He walks towards the window that is behind me
and opens the curtain)

Nqabayethu : Here he is

(I stand up quickly when I hear Nyathuko's car as well)

Me : What is he doing here? Nqaba please don't hurt him

Manzini, ngiyakucela. Baby you know that he has a kid. Kanti
futhi Sthabile is preg…..

Nqabayethu : Shut up!!! Ubeke lesishwaphana sakho angathi

esendiya phansi

(I swallow hard and sit down. He goes to the door)

Nqabayethu : Nomzamo what's going to happen in this house

tonight is none of your business, do you understand me?

Me : Yes
(I whisper. Oh Jehova waseNazaretha have mercy. He opens for
Nyathuko. He opens and leaves the door open. Nyathuko walks
in and the smell of his perfume spreads all over the house. He is
so tall… Wait, why is he wearing all black? His clothes are
inviting darkness but he is so clean in those stylish men's
leather lace up shoes with thick soles. I love his coat too. I can't
believe Nqabayethu wants to kill such a humble and good
looking man like this. I know he is going to kill him and there's
absolutely nothing I'll do about it but watch. Nyathuko looks so
calm and relaxed. He smiles)

Nyathuko : Nkosazana

Me : Hi

Nyathuko : Gwabini

Nqabayethu : Bhambatha
(Oh, at least they are still calling each other by their clan
names. Nyathuko sits down and Nqabayethu also sits on the
couch opposite us. He grabs one of his clean t-shirts from the
coffee table and cleans his gun with it. I immediately feel
bloated. I release a little bit of gas. I hope the smell won't be
that bad. Nyathuko cracks up his neck and rubs his hands
together. We sit in silence. Thanks to that clock on the wall
which is the only thing that's making a sound, burying this loud
silence.)

Me : I'll go and put these in the wardrobe

(I stand up and reach for his clothes)

Nqabayethu : Sit the fuck down!

(My heart races and I sit back down. The silence goes on)

Nyathuko : Manje iyona ndlela osukhuluma ngayo nomama le?

(Nqabayethu is still busy polishing his gun. He lifts up his eyes
and gives Nyathuko a dead stare)

Nqabayethu : Nyathuko how I speak to Nomzamo is none of

your business

Nyathuko : Okay

(Nyathuko tilts his head)

Nyathuko : I want us to talk

Nqabayethu : Talk!

Nyathuko : In private

Nqabayethu : Nomzamo is not going anywhere. Whatever you

want to say you will say it in front of her. She is family, the only
family I have!
(To be honest those words just warmed my heart)

Nyathuko : Oh ngempela? Is that how you speak to your

family?

(Nyathuko's voice becomes more husky the more he speaks.

I'm only realizing that today)

Nqabayethu : That's none of your business Thukeh!

Awusahlangani wena nami!!

(He shouts)

Nyathuko : Okay. I'll take that

(Nqabayethu stops cleaning his gun. It seems like Nyathuko's

response rubbed him off in a wrong way)
Nqabayethu : You are okay with that?

Nyathuko : What do you want me to say Nqabayethu? Uzazi

kahle izinto engingazilweli empilweni yami and le oyenzayo
enye yazo

Nqabayethu : You don't care anymore? Awusenendaba

Thukeh? Nyathuko ever since you got married you've changed.

Nyathuko : That's true. I'm not the same person anymore. I'm a
husband now
ngiyindoda kaSthabile. Sengiwu Baba ka Zanokuhle no
Ndlelenhle so yeah I've changed Nqaba.

(Nqabayethu's sharp jaws tighten)

Nqabayethu : Ngoba wena usuyindoda ke you decided to

betray me?
(The atmosphere has changed. I look at Nyathuko who is sitting
next to me and he still looks calm and relaxed)

Nyathuko : Sthabile made a mistake kodwa uyabazi abantu

besifazane, they don't know when to stop.

Nqabayethu : That's my problem with you!! You always try to

defend your wife!! Ey Thukeh le vrou yakho icisho yafaka impilo
yami ejaivini and wena uthi wenze imistake? Kusho ukuthi
awunendaba. Entlek vele ngiyacava ukuthi awusenendaba

Nyathuko : Akulona iqiniso lelo

Nqabayethu : It is true!! You don't give a shit! The only reason

you are here ingoba wenzela umfazi wakho. Nyathuko I have no
reason not to kill you and your wife!!

(He grabs his gun and stands up. I bow my head and close my
eyes. I don't want to witness what he is going to do next)
Nyathuko : If I didn't care about you then I wasn't going to
waste my time looking for your brother, umfowenu ongamazi
nokumazi ukuthi unaye.

(I quickly lift up my head and look at Nqabayethu. His eyes are

narrowed. Did he hear the same thing I heard?)

Nqabayethu : Uthi Kwenzenjani?

Nyathuko : Akukho okuningi engikwaziyo but what I know is

that when your mother was pregnant with your sister ubaba
wakho wayemithise omunye umama ngaphandle. Your father
asked the other woman to abort the baby because it was going
to ruin his marriage. Usisi ke loyo akazange wasikhipha isisu
kodwa.

(My hair starts itching. I don't want to hear the word abortion.
Nqabayethu drops his gun on the floor)

Nqabayethu : Uthini Thukeh?

Nyathuko : You have a brother. Kuthiwa After he was born his
mother took him to Mantobela wamushiya esontweni
lamaRoma. The Nuns who were there called the social workers
because your brother was weak. They say he was a stillborn or
something. I'm not sure. The social workers took him to the
hospital where they met udokotela mumbe. Loyo dokotela uye
owaxhumanisa ama social worker with the couple who adopted
your brother.

(Nqabayethu rubs his face)

Nqabayethu : Wait, ima bafo. Uthi… Uthi they adopted him?

Obani labo? Yena ke is he still alive?

Nyathuko : Yes, he is alive. Uwumngani no Sthah

Nqabayethu : What? Kanti ukhona la eduzane?

Nyathuko : Yes. He stays in Phoenix. Nqaba the first time I saw

him ngabona wena ngqo and I wanted to tell you about him
kodwa wayengakudingi Nqaba. His life was perfect ngakho I
didn't want to complicate his life ngokumusondeza eduzane
nawe plus lento yenzeka kabi singazwani mina nawe.

(Nqabayethu stood there, frozen)

Nyathuko : His name is Musa. Here is his picture

(Nqabayethu slightly shakes his head)

Nqabayethu : No, no. I don't want to see him. Why

ungangitshelanga?

Nyathuko : But I just told you why I…..

Nqabayethu : That's bullshit!! Why ungangitshelanga?

(He picks up his gun from the floor)

Nyathuko : Because….
(Nyathuko sighs)

Nyathuko : Because I didn't want to dig up old wounds

Nqabayethu : Dig up old wounds kanjani Thukeh? Kanjani?

Nyathuko : Ngoba uMusa uzalwa uMalungisa

(Nqabayethu stops moving around and looks at Nyathuko)

Nqabayethu : Nomalungisa? My stepmother?

Nyathuko : Yah

(Nqabayethu's head falls back. He rubs his gun on his forehead

with his eyes closed. I try to stand up but Nyathuko stops me. I
sit back)
Nqabayethu : Thukeh you know I didn't mean to kill my sister,
angithi? Ngangidiniwe and I …..

(His breathing becomes more heavy. Nqabayethu killed his

sister? He really killed his sister? Nyathuko stands up
immediately. Nqabayethu is now sweating and his eyes are red.
I also stand up)

Nyathuko : I know and I believe you.

Nqabayethu : Ngisazibona namanje. Pressing that pillow on her

face. She couldn't breathe Nyathuko. She kept kicking and
kicking until she stopped moving. I left her…..

Nyathuko : Nqaba stop!

Nqabayethu : I thought it was Nomalungisa boy. I swear I didn't

know it was Khanya.

Nyathuko : I know, I know.

Nqabayethu : No you don't!! Nyathuko what happened to me
that night?

Nyathuko : Kwenzeka ibhadi, ileyonto eyenzeka.

(I would die to know why Nqabayethu killed his sister. They are
just talking but I don't follow)

Nqabayethu : She was just a kid!!

Nyathuko : So were you! Nqabayethu iyeke yonke lento and

focus on other things. Unomfowenu lapha ngaphandle

Nqabayethu : No no!!!!

(He pushes Nyathuko and Nyathuko moves to stand next to me.

Nqabayethu cocks his gun)
Me : Nqabayethu no

Nqabayethu : I don't need a brother. I don't need anyone

Nyathuko : Ngoba vele uyigwala. Usaba ngisho ukuba ubhuti

omdala kumfowenu, oyigazi lakho.

(After Nyathuko says that I hear nothing else but gunshot and
glasses breaking)
16
(I sweep the broken window glasses that fell inside the house
when Nqabayethu gunned down the window. When I opened
my eyes I thought Nyathuko was going to be dead but thank
God Nqabayethu shot the window. Nyathuko has gone home.
When he left he wasn't even shaken at all which makes me
wonder if he was aware that he almost died or if he is always
that calm even during the worst situations. Nqabayethu, where
is Nqabayethu? I don't know. He left soon after Nyathuko drove
off but he left his car so I'm sure he didn't follow Nyathuko. I
still can't wrap my head around the fact that Nqabayethu has a
brother. Oh Lord I hope his brother is not a gangster like him
but he is obviously not. He didn't grow up like Nqabayethu, his
life was different growing up. I wonder what it was like for him
growing up with white people as your parents? I wonder if he
ever asked himself where his biological parents were. Maybe
that's what I was supposed to do instead of killing that baby. I
was supposed to keep the baby until I gave birth and then go
dump it somewhere. Maybe someone was going to find it and
give it to the social workers. Who the fuck am I kidding? I mean
where was I going to hide my stomach? Nqabayethu was going
to see that I was pregnant and he was going to be so happy. I
put the glasses in the bin and take the bin outside. I leave the
bin and go back inside. I close the main door and head to the
bedroom but I hear the door opening behind me and
Nqabayethu walks in. He looks like Zombie. His scruffy hair
makes him look more like a Zombie. He's been scratching his
hair for too long and that's why they look like that. He walks
past me and heads to the door of the room that's next to his.
He stands there and pulls down the door handle. He slowly
opens the door and walks inside. I've never seen him going
anywhere near that room. This is the first time. I quickly grab a
broom and sweep where my eyes can see him. He sits on the
bed. I continue sweeping absolutely nothing on the floor. He
runs his hands over the pillow. I slowly put the broom on the
floor and head inside that room. I sit down next to him and
hold his hand. He releases a long sigh.)

Nqabayethu : I was young, you know. I was just a young boy

who you would always find standing or sitting in a corner for
the whole fucking day without moving or talking to anyone. I
was always scared. (Sigh) This was our bedroom. Mina no
Khanya. I used to sleep on this floor in that corner there and
Khanyakwethu used to sleep in this bed.

(It's a single bed, an old single bed, especially the headboard.

The headboard looks very old, not old because it's broken
somewhere, No but older than I am)
Nqabayethu : It was early June. Ngiyakhumbula kwakusanda
kuqala ubusika. I don't know where Baba was going that day
but I walked him to the bus stop. Kwakunebhasi eyayibizwa
ngeThalente. That bus was blue within some yellow lines.
Leyobhasi yayifika ime ngase Langalibalele isuke lapho ishone
phansi eMaoti. We missed the bus that day sathi siphuma
layikhaya iThalente lase lidlula la phezulu liya eMaoti. I had to
run
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carrying my father's brown suitcase over my head. Lisindani
kuloyomzuzu Nomzamo leliyaposimende. Ngagijima ngaphuka
la ezansi ngayonqamula kwaMlangeni. Ngibheke eMaoti langiya
khona

Me : Uyonzani?

Nqabayethu : I had to go there and stand in the queue for my

father. Kwakuhlale kune queue ende lapha ngaka Rattan,
yabantu abalinde ibhasi. People used to scatter around but the
moment they see ibhasi yahla ngaka Whitey babevele
beqhamuke sebeyibhomu bezoqala ulayini. That day it was so
cold that I couldn't feel my feet. Ngafika ka Rattan and I was
number 10 kulayini.

Me : Where was your father?

Nqabayethu : Khona lezimoto ezincane ezihamba local. They

are always parking lapha kwa Mambha Stores

Me : Oh yes, ngiyazibona

Nqabayethu : Yes those cars zazibizwa ngeziginci. Ubaba

wezogibela engilandele ngezisiginci because he didn't have
enough money yokuthi nami engikhokhele emotweni. I had to
go and stand in the queue until he arrived. He arrived and I
gave him his suitcase wama kulayini and I went back home.
When I got home iminwe yami yayiqinile konke la ngaphezulu
because it was cold. It felt like I had sores under my feet the
way they were freezing. Ngabuya ngageza. Khanyakwethu used
to go next door beyoshisa izibi with her friends so she wasn't
home. I remember ngangiqeda ukugeza and I sat on this bed.
Whenever it was cold ngangigcoba uvaselina omningi ezandleni
zami nasezinyaweni and that's what I was doing. Kwangena
uMalungisa ngingagqokile and I froze. Ngangimsaba loyamuntu

(He sighs and rubs his face with his free hand)

Nqabayethu : I remember trying to run but I kept falling

because my feet were full of Vaseline so ngangishibilika. She
grabbed me by my neck and she closed this door

(He closes his eyes)

Nqabayethu : For so many years I couldn't say it. I couldn't say

that Nomalungisa raped me but she did

Me : What?

(My blood freezes. He pulls his hand away from mine and rubs
his hands together)
Nqabayethu : She forced me between her thighs. She had a belt
in her hand and she kept whipping me. Elokhu engishaya
ekhuluma " Do this Nqaba, do that Nqaba. Umdala kabi wena
usungamithisa nokumithisa manje yini ekuhlulayo?" She kept
asking and she kept beating me.

(He pulls up his t-shirt and lifts up his arm)

Nqabayethu : Do you see this scar?

(It's a deep scar around his rib)

Nqabayethu : Insimbi yebhande le. Wangishaya ngensimbi

yebhande. I don't know how but ngabona sengiphuma igazi

(He rubs the scar with his finger)

Me : Nqaba……

(I swallow the burning lump in my throat)

Nqabayethu : I've never needed my mother as much as I
needed her that night. I was hoping she would walk in and save
me but she didn't. And after that night I knew ukuthi alukho
olunye usuku olobuye lufike la ngiyodinga khona uMah. That
night changed me kodwa futhi lobuyabusuku ibona
obangikhulisa.

(I kiss his shoulder)

Nqabayethu : After the whole thing I went and slept.

Ngikhumbula kahle ukuthi that night ngangilele ngibambe
iskibha la phansi kwekhwapha because blood was gushing out. I
don't remember myself falling asleep. (sigh) It all started as a
dream. I saw Malungisa opening the door and she walked in
naked. She came to my sponge where I was sleeping and she
got under my blankets. I started crying and tried to open my
eyes. I opened them and realized that I wasn't dreaming
because there was somebody naked, sleeping next to me with
their arms wrapped around me. Ngavele ngasangana
Nomzamo. I strangled her and I took a pillow ngamcindezela
ngalo ebusweni until she stopped moving. I jumped to bed
ngiyovusa uKhanya but she wasn't in her bed. Umqondo wami
wawusangene ngingazi noma isemini noma isebsuku yini. I ran
to the main ngayovula because I remembered that Khanya was
burning dirt with her friends next door. Ngivula iscabha vele
ngase ngimemeza igama lakhe and when the door opened up it
was dark and quiet outside. People were sleeping. Kukhonkotha
Izinja le kude. I ran back to this room but before I walked in I
stopped. My father's bedroom door was opened and Malungisa
was sleeping on the bed. She was drunk ngoba kwakugcwele
amabhodlela ka beer phansi. I asked myself ukuthi ngoba
uMalungisa elele nje pho ubani lo engimukinyile? That's when I
came to this room and switched on the light and that's when I
realized ukuthi ngibulale usisi wami.

(His body starts trembling)

Nqabayethu : Angazi ngawathathaphi amandla angakayana. I

don't know where I got the strength to kill someone. I was
young…I was young.

Me : Yes baby, you were young and you didn't know what you
were doing. You were angry Nqaba
Nqabayethu : Kwakumele ngikhanyise Simtholile ngibone
ukuthi ubani. I still don't understand why Khanya decided to get
under my blankets elale nami engagqokile. I understand ukuthi
wayebuye ezichamele melele and she would wake up and
changed to new pajamas ewushiye nalombhede omanzi ezolala
nami lapha phansi but that night she decided ukulala nami
engagqokile Nomzamo. I didn't know it was her, please believe
me. I didn't know. I thought it was Malungisa. I thought she was
back to rape me again

Me : I'm so sorry Nqaba

Nqabayethu : And now I just find out ukuthi umfowethu, igazi

lami uyindodana yakhe lomama owangihlukumeza kanje! What
am I supposed to do now? Ngenzenjani Nomzamo?

(His eyes welled up with tears. He tries to stand up but I pull

him back and hug him. Gut wrenching sobs tore through his
chest. I've never seen him crying in my presence. My arm is
already covered with his tears)
17
(Nqabayethu has been acting quite different. He looks calm and
less angry. I think talking about his sister really put him at some
ease. I like this side of him. He is even smiling. Well today, here
we are, parking outside of the church. It's raining and
Nqabayethu insisted that we come here to fetch my mother
because it's raining. For someone who's about to meet my
mother for the very first time he seems relaxed)

Nqabayethu : What is your mother doing at church on a

Thursday anyway?

(I'm lying on his chest, watching the rain hitting the window)

Me : What do you mean?

Nqabayethu : Isn't church supposed to be for Sundays?

Me : Nqaba, you know nothing about church.

Nqabayethu : Mxm, who cares?

Me : Can I ask you something?

Nqabayethu : As long as kungeyona into ezongidina Nomzamo.

Me : Cha, Manzini. I want to ask you about your brother.

Awufisi ukuhlangana naye?

(Silence. I continue watching the rain)

Nqabayethu : Ngiyafisa

(He finally says after a long silence. I smile)

Me : And I will be there to support you.

(I lift up my head when I see people walking out of church)

Me : There is my mother.

Nqabayethu : Ngingene?

Me : Yeah

(He starts the engine and drives through the gate. Everyone
starts looking at his car. It's written "Ghetto King" and almost
everyone knows this car and some have read about the owner
of it in the newspapers. People seem uncomfortable, they don't
think Nqabayethu is here to rob them now, do they?. I spot my
mother in the crowd. She didn't even bring an umbrella. We
saved her ass from the rain but I know she won't even say
thank you. I roll down the window and call out for my mother)

Me : Mah woza, silande wena

(I expect her to cause a scene but she surprises me with a

smile)

Nqabayethu : Uthe uzogosta nje

Me : That's what I thought but I guess I was wrong.

(The door from the back opens and Mantwa gets inside the
car)

Mantwa : Sanibona

Me : Yebo Mah

(I look at Nqabayethu. He is pressing his head on the steering

wheel and he is laughing. My mother's outfit is not that bad so
why is he laughing?)

Me : Are you okay?

(He chuckles)

Nqabayethu : Yeah. Ninjani O'lady?

Mantwa : I'm well, my son, how are you?

(My son? Wow. What happened to "iginsa le BM edakiwe"?)

Nqabayethu : Ay ku grand

Mantwa : Safa imvula

Nqabayethu : Ey kubi. That's why sikhethe ukukulanda

Mantwa : Thank you so much ngane yami

(At least she said Thank you. I see our pastor getting inside his
van)

Nqabayethu : Manje umfundisi loya

Mantwa : Yes, it's our pastor. Pastor Goba

Nqabayethu : Hee! Useyahamba?

Mantwa : Yes, usaya le kude eMatikwe

(Nqabayethu rolls down his window. Why now?)

Nqabayethu : Aw Nceku

(I turn my head and look at my mother. Does Nqabayethu know

Pastor Goba? Pastor Goba stops his van next to Nqabayethu's
car and rolls down his window)

Pastor Goba : Ndodana

Nqabayethu : Isiyahamba inceku?

Pastor Goba : Yes my son. Is there anything you want me to do

for you?
Nqabayethu : No, ngi grand. So you are leaving these people
emvuleni, awuzogibelisa noyedwa nje?

(Oh no, no, no Nqabayethu. I want to hide. Pastor Goba

swallows)

Nqabayethu : Ay I was just asking. Angithi uyabona ke Nceku

kaNkulunkulu ukuthi kungcono ematswaleni because we get
drunk together and go home together. Uyabona nje lemoto
yami ithwala noma abantu abawu 30 mesiphuma ematswaleni
but ngiyabona ukuthi things are different here at church. You
people, praise God together but when it's time to go home
ixoxo liyazigxumela ngisho kunetha

(Nqabayethu laughs. I look at my mother. She is now hiding her

face with her hands)

Nqabayethu : No, go mfundisi wami. Bakhona abaya KaMchunu

la?
(He asks the church members. I see 3 people raising their
hands)

Nqabayethu : Wozani sigonane zinceku

(He says while taking out his phone. Three people come
running and get inside the car. They thank Nqabayethu non-
stop. Nqabayethu ignores them and continues to dial on his
phone)

Nqabayethu : Ee Zet u waar?

(Silence)

Nqabayethu : Zwakalani hier e kerk namabhasi.

(Silence)

Nqabayethu : Yizo
(He hung up.)

Nqabayethu : Ngicela nilinde nje khona abafana abazofika

bezonilanda

Hawu siyabonga khehla

(Only a few minutes passed and 2 black VW kombis came and

took the rest of the people that were at church. Pastor Goba
was long gone. We dropped the 3 people that were in
Nqabayethu's car and Nqabayethu took us home. My mother
went inside the house and I was left with Nqabayethu)

Me : Thank you for what you did today. Ngiyababongela

nabantu basesontweni

Nqabayethu : That's nothing. Skhukhukazi, tomorrow ngiya

eNdwedwe kunomsebenzi wengane ka Thukeh and he asked
me to come
Me : Oh, okay

Nqabayethu : You don't want to come with me?

Me : Are you serious? You want me to come with you?

Nqabayethu : Yeah. Why not?

Me : Ngiyabonga baby but let me think about it and I will let

you know tomorrow morning

Nqabayethu : No problem. Uzongifonela

Me : Yes baby

(He kisses my cheek.)

Nqabayethu : Sokhuluma ke
Me : Uhambe kahle sthandwa sami

(He gets inside the car and starts the engine. He stops it and
laughs)

Nqabayethu : Why didn't you tell me that your mother is my

father's ex girlfriend?

(I open my mouth wide)

Me : What?

(He laughs)

Nqabayethu : Her name is Mantwa

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right?
Me : Yes. Nqaba, wait, what do you mean she is your father's
ex?

(He laughs and drives off)

Me : Nqaba!!... Oh my God

(I couldn't wait to get inside the house. I barge in)

Me : Mah? Where are you?

(I ask while opening her bedroom door. Here she is)

Me : Is that why you hate Nqabayethu?

Mantwa : Waze wangihlaza naloyo Nqabayethu ndini ku

Bab'Goba. What was that about? Ave ethanda ukuzenza iqhawe
elidakiwe
Me : He was trying to help! And to be honest, he actually
pointed out some very valid points. Vele abefundisi
abanendaba nathi, all they care about is money, money, all the
time! Kodwa ke angikho lapho. Why ungashongo ukuthi
wawujola noBaba ka Nqabayethu?

Mantwa : That happened a long time ago

Me : Oh so it is true? Is that why you hate him? Ngoba

wawujola nobaba wakhe!?

Mantwa : Hey! Don't you dare raise your voice mawukhuluma

nami.

Me : I was just asking

Mantwa : It was a long time ago, wawungakazalwa. Nomzamo I

don't hate Nqabayethu, maybe I'm still angry at his father. U
Skhona wangihlukumeza Nomzamo.

(Skhona must be Nqabayethu's father)

Mantwa : He used to beat me up, ekhiphele isibhongo sokufeba
komfazi wakhe la kumina. Whenever he found out that his wife,
uMakaNqabayethu was cheating on him, wayebuya ezoshaya
mina. I paid for her sins. USkhona ubahlukumezile abantu
besifazane, ubebasebenzisa njengomata bokusulela izinyawo
and I was one of those women.

(Tears fill up my eyes)

Mantwa : Do you think ngangithanda ukuphuza utshwala

kanjeya mina? Ngibe isidakwa? No! I had issues that were
bigger than me!

Me : Mama I'm sorry

Mantwa : No, you are not sorry. Awunendaba nami wena

Me : I care, mama, I do.

Mantwa : No you don't! If you did then you were going to break
up with that boy the moment I asked you to!

Me : Nqabayethu is nothing like his father Mah

Mantwa : Heeeeeeyi!!!!

(She screams)

Mantwa : You don't get it, do you? Ngithe hlukana

naloyamfana

Me : I can't Mah. Nqabayethu loves me

Mantwa : Of course he loves you!

Me : What do you mean?

(She sighs)
Mantwa : What I meant was, he doesn't love you. Mntanami
wakushaya and he almost killed everyone in this community
because he couldn't find you. Uyiginsa Nomzamo. One day
uyofa noma uboshwe because of that boy. Please hlukana
nengane ka Skhona

(I swallow. No, I'm not going to break up with Nqabayethu)

Me : Okay

Mantwa : Thank you, thank you so much Mntanami awazi

ukuthi lento ibaluleke kanjani kimi. You don't need him.
Sinezinkinga ezinkulu Zamoh, your sister lost her job. Nendoda
yakhe ishintshile nje iyahlupha

Me : She lost her job?

Mantwa : Yes. Uyagula izinyawo zivuvukele zingaka

Me : Hhaibo
Mantwa : Her friend took her to a sangoma and the sangoma
told her that kunengane esithe izinto zakhe
Me : A baby?
Mantwa : Yes, uze wabuzwa if she ever had a miscarriage and
she said no.
(My heart starts pounding)
Mantwa : Izinkinga zodwa nje. I told her that you also lost your
job.
Me : Mhmmm
Mantwa : Ayikho ke into ezolunga until kususwa lengane
evimbile. Ingane esukaphi? No one has ever lost a baby in this
family so I don't understand ukuthi lezangoma mezithi kumele
kususwe lengane ingane esizoyisusa siyithathaphi yona leyo.

(My eyes closed. Is it possible that the baby I killed is now

blocking things for my sister? Is my sister paying for my sins?)
18
(I've been trying to get hold of Nqabayethu for the past 6 hours
and I can't get hold of him. I don't know what he is doing in
Ndwedwe for so long. My mother is busy telling me about how
the funeral went.)

Mantwa : But at least they are buried now, emuva kwesikhathi

esingaka. Hhaibo kuthiwa ithanki lamanzi lalimbobo mbobo
amanzi anegazi ethi nje tsaaa!

Me : Mhmmm. Who saw the bodies inside the water tank?

Mantwa : Children who were playing next to Acacia saw the

holes all around the tank and they saw blood coming out of the
holes. Angazi batshela bani abantwana owafonela amaphoyisa.

Me : Laligwaziwe ithanki?

Mantwa : I think so.

Me : Yoooh!

Mantwa : Engasakhali kanje uMrs Manqele nomawengane

kaSenzo bakhale ngisho sekubuywa emathuneni.

Me : Yazi I don't know any of them. I didn't even know that they
are the ones that got killed.

Mantwa : Hhau! Ibona shame, izingane zika Matoh nkosiyami.

Me : Ay I don't know them

Mantwa : Ungangidini wena. Awusabazi manje abafana

bakwaManqele laba ebese bebamba inkunzi? You don't know
Senzo, the one who used to wear eye lenses?

Me : Ay angimazi.

Mantwa : Aw, they are dead.

Me : Bafe kabuhlungu kodwa yho! People are so cruel. How can
you kill people and dump their bodies inside a water tank?
Isihluku esingaka.

Mantwa : I wonder how the killer managed to put their bodies

inside.

Me : It's sad, shame. Abafana abancane kanjeya

Mantwa : Bebehlupha kodwa. They messed with the wrong

person kulokhu, aw zasha. noNqabayethu bofa kanje one day

Me : Nangoke uMah

Mantwa : I'm serious. One day kobe kuyena

(I stand up. I can't stand my mother, speaking of Nqabayethu

like this while I can't even get hold of him)
Mantwa : Where are you going?

Me : To sleep

Mantwa : Awuhlale phansi

(I sigh and sit down)

Mantwa : I was speaking to your sister's husband earlier today

and he thinks it's better if he brings Lungile back home for a
couple of days.

Me : Aw usemuxakile early kangaka?

Mantwa : Akamxakile. Phela uSgoba uyasebenza and when he

is at work kusuke kungekho muntu emini osala nodadewenu

Me : Ngiyezwa
Mantwa : I told him it's fine. He can bring her home

Me : Mhmmmm

Mantwa : And I spoke to Ndoni's mother ngamtshela ngokugula

kuka Lungile and she said kumele simshisele impepho.
Wangiyalela nomunye ubaba who can help us.

Me : Help us how?

Mantwa : Ngazelaphi ke mina Nomzamo? Angithi phela we will

go and find out how he can help us.

Me : Go there?

Mantwa : Yes, owala eduze.

Me : Ay count me out.
Mantwa : Kankikathi amasimba? Nomzamo we are all going
there, wafika nje uLungile kusasa siyahamba. Socela yena
uSgoba to take us there.

Me : I see you've made your decision

Mantwa : Vele. Umuzi wami phela lo. I call the shots

(I roll my eyes)

Mantwa : Wakweqa amehlo u Undertaker.

Me : I'm Undertaker now?

Mantwa : weNomzamo don't you want your sister to be fine?

Uyajabula nje ngoba emapakuza izinyawo

Me : No Mah but she is your daughter. Uwena ekumele ugqigqe

naye umfunela usizo. Sihlanganaphi mina no Mlondi?
Mantwa : We are family! Nihlangana lapho ke

Me : Fine, I'll go. Can I go now?

Mantwa : Uzophaka nini?

Me : At 19h30

Mantwa : Oh

(My phone rings as soon as I get inside my room. I answer)

Me : Nqabayethu yini kodwa?

(He laughs)

Nqabayethu : I'm sorry skhukhukazi. I had to deliver food for

my children
Me : And you forgot about me?

Nqabayethu : Cha mamah. Ukephi? Ngila ngaphandle

Me : Really?

Nqabayethu : Yah. Woza

Me : Okay, I'm coming baby

(I quickly put on my jacket and took my CV. I get out)

Mantwa : Uyaphi?

Me : Ngisayonika uNqo leCV yami. Kuyaqashwa where she is

working.

(She smiles)
Mantwa : Kwangcono. Tell her you are desperate khona
ezokukhulumela

Me : I'll tell her.

Mantwa : Usheshe Nomzamo

Me : Okay Mah

(I walked out and went to Nqabayethu. I kiss him as soon as I

get inside his car)

Me : When did you come back from Ndwedwe?

Nqabayethu : Ngo 17h00 kanje. Ngisheshile kodwa

Me : I missed you
Nqabayethu : I missed you too skhukhukazi.

(I smile)

Nqabayethu : Siyahamba angithi?

Me : No Nqaba. I'll come tomorrow

Nqabayethu : Uyabona ke ukuthi unjani? What did you miss

pho if you don't want to come with me?

Me : I missed you kodwa lokho akusho ukuthi I missed having

sex with you.

Nqabayethu : Who said anything about sex?

(Silence)

Nqabayethu : Nomzamo maningi kabi amathekeni analento

(He points at my vagina using his eyes)

Me : Wow. Are you serious?

Nqabayethu : Uyangisanganela wena

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you want me to beg you now like you are a virgin. Ay fuck
mahn

Me : I didn't come here to fight with you

Nqabayethu : Yah. Ubuzongidakelwa

Me : I'm sorry

Nqabayethu : Ay fakof.

Me : Can we not fight?

(Silence)

Me : Bekumnandi eNdwedwe?

(He sighs)

Nqabayethu : I met my brot… sister. I don't know what he is but

I met him.

Me : What do you mean you don't know what he is?

Nqabayethu : He is gay but he says he is not gay

Me : Why? Unamahloni ngomuntu awuyena?

(He laughs)

Nqabayethu : He was wearing makeup.

(We laugh)

Me : What? Are you serious?

(He shakes his head and lets out a sigh)

Nqabayethu : He is the best thing that ever happened to me

nasempilweni yami yonke.

(Wow. I didn't expect that)

Nqabayethu : But….

(He pauses)

Me : Kodwa Ini?

Nqabayethu : I don't think uyangifrostana.

Me : You don't think he likes you?

Nqabayethu : Yah. He cried, he cried so much ngezwa angathi

khona umuntu ongigwaza la enhliziyweni yami.

Me : I'm so sorry Nqaba

Nqabayethu : Uthi Uyajabula that we met but when I asked him

to come with me wanqaba.

Me : Don't you think it was too soon ukumcela lokho?

Nqabayethu : Nothing was too soon! Lomuntu uhlangane nami

manje engakaze engibone selokhu azalwa so what the fuck was
too soon?

Me : Maybe you need to give him some time.

Nqabayethu : Time to do what? I don't have time. I want him to
come back home

Me : Nqabayethu uMusa ubenempilo before you. You can't just

expect him to drop everything, ekhohlwe impilo yakhe ngoba
nakhu esethole ngomfowabo abengazi nokwazi ukuthi unaye.
Lomuntu akakwazi nokukwazi Nqabayethu

Nqabayethu : And you think I care? Nomzamo anginaso

isikhathi sokuthatha izinto kancane kancane. Uyabona lento yo
take things slow? I don't have time for it. It's either he wants
me in his life or he doesn't. Ngeke ngimncemge mina
angahamba ayofa

Me : Hhaibo! He is your brother. Your only brother, the only

family you have.

(He rubs his face)

Nqabayethu : I know that. Ingakho nje ingidina yonke lento.
What if those white people tell him to stay away from me?
What if ba….

Me : Calm down baby. Musa is a grown man futhi ukhule

ngokwanele to make his own decisions.

Nqabayethu : Ilawo ke ama decisions angisabisayo. What if he

makes wrong decisions?

Me : He won't.

Nqabayethu : Ngibafunge oManzini if those white people try

anything, anything to keep my brother away from me…

(He looks at me)

Nqabayethu : Ngizobabulala
Me : Nqabayethu please stop talking about killing. Let's say you
do kill them and Musa finds out. Ucabanga ukuthi
kuyokwenzekani?

Nqabayethu : I don't care.

Me : Wenza ukubulala kube lula. Nqabayethu uzoboshwa

Nqabayethu : Anginendaba. Ngiyobabulala mina ngibagxishe

kuleliyathanki lamanzi bedliwe amaxoxo

Me : You don't mean th… Wait, wait, utheni? You said you'll kill
them and then do what?

Nqabayethu : Nothing

Me : I heard what you said! Utheni? Nqabayethu utheni?

Nqabayethu : Ungizwile nje

Me : No, I want you to say it, ngifuna usho futhi.

Nqabayethu : You want me to repeat myself now? Ey wena,

angizona mina lezingane zikasisi wakho ezinamafinyilo
ungibheke kahle.

Me : Did you kill the Manqele brothers?

(He looks confused)

Nqabayethu : Obani?

Me : Uwena na odubule abafana bakwaManqele wabafaka

ethankini lamanzi ngase Acacia?

Nqabayethu : I don't know what you are talking about.

Me : You know exactly what I'm talking about! Ngikubona la
ezinhlamvini zamehlo. Uwena angithi?

Nqabayethu : Yah.

Me : Hhaibo Jesu wami! Nqabayethu, hawemah, hawemah

(I put my arms over my head. My skin shivers)

Nqabayethu : They robbed you! Why do you care ukuthi

ngibenzeni?

Me : Ubulale abantu. You killed 3 young boys. Ngenxa yokuthi

bathatha ifoni yami?

Nqabayethu : Ububakhiya?

Me : What?
Nqabayethu : Were you having an affair with any of them?

Me : What!? Of course not!

Nqabayethu : Manje usanganiswa yini?

Me : I'm not crazy. Nqabayethu you…

Nqabayethu : Get out

Me : I'm…..

Nqabayethu : Out!

(I sigh and open the door. I get out of his car and he drives off
before I even close the door)
19
(Lungile is already inside the car with her husband and her
children. She is really sick but that doesn't mean she should
wear my clothes. I open the door and get inside my mother's
bedroom)

Me : Mah why is Lungile wearing my jacket?

Mantwa : Awuyeke ubunja wena

Me : No, Mah nami bengizoyigqoka. What am I supposed to

wear now?

Mantwa : Nali ijezi

Me : Ay elinuka kambi kanje, no

Mantwa : Then leave it Nomzamo

Me : This is unfair

Mantwa : What's unfair is how you are treating your sister,

knowing very well that she is sick.

Me : Why didn't she bring her clothes?

Mantwa : Hawu yehheni wengane embi awuvale umlomo

Me : No, I don't want to keep quiet.

Mantwa : Phuma, I want to lock up

Me : Layikhaya nje anicabangelani

Mantwa : Sifana nawe

(Went to the car. Lungile kept asking for water non stop. We
arrived at the Sangoma's house. No, he is not a sangoma, my
mother calls him umthandazi.)

Mlondi : Kuyasontwa kanti futhi la?

Mantwa : Yes but the service will end now

(I roll my eyes. People start coming out of the church. All of

them are carrying bottles filled with water. We wait to be called
and finally it's our turn. We take off our shoes and walk in)

Mantwa : Mdunge

Mdunge : Ninjani mama?

Mantwa : Ay it's bad Baba, my daughter is dying

Mdunge : I see. Let's see what's wrong

(He lights his candles)

Mdunge : What is her surname?

Mantwa : Singo Mhayise thina baba

Mdunge : Aw, who is a Zungu here?

(We look at each other)

Mantwa : No one

(Mantwa responds quickly)

Mdunge : Impossible

Mantwa : Nangu umntwana ogulayo

(She points at Lungile)

Mdunge : I see that.

(Mdunge starts praying)

Mdunge : Ay mama kubi. There is a dark cloud hanging over

you mntanami

Lungile : Baba

Mdunge : Usuke walahlekelwa umntwana?

Sgoba : No, we've never lost any baby. All our children are alive

Mdunge : Asikho futhi nesisu esachitheka?

Lungile : No
(Mdunge looks at me)

Mdunge : I see. I see a baby here, a baby boy. He is alone and

he wants to come home. Uthukuthele, he wants a name.

Mantwa : Eze ethukuthele nje owaphi?

(Mdunge keeps looking at me. I swallow hard)

Mdunge : Can I talk to you in private?

Mantwa : Oh siphume thina?

Mdunge : Amen

Sgoba : Okay, let's go mama.

(Sgoba helps Lungile up and they slowly walk out. My mother
and Mlondi follow them. Now it's only Mdunge and I remaining
)

Mdunge : Sibonge. How are you Ndodakazi?

Me : Ngiyaphila baba

Mdunge : I see. You know the truth, right?

(I play with my nails)

Me : Yebo

Mdunge : Good. Your baby is angry, his ancestors are angry.

Ulahle igazi labo ngane yami and bayalifuna. They want you to
bring him home

Me : But I can't do that

Mdunge : Do you want to see your sister dead?

(I lift up my eyes)

Me : Cha baba, of course not.

Mdunge : Ilokho phela okuzokwenzeka. This boy is angry.

Mntanami lalela, there is nothing wrong with what you did
kodwa amadlozi awafani. Abantu abadala bayizithutha and they
don't see things as we do. Kunendlela okwenziwa ngayo izinto
ngoba izinto ezinjena zibucayi. They might not affect you but
affect those around you njengoba kwenzeka kudadewenu

Me : I can't tell them the truth

Mdunge : You have to. For your sister's sake. This thing is very
complicated mntanami
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ziningi izimfihlo ezilana kodwa wena ngicela sibhekane
nokwakho. You need to tell ubaba womntwana iqiniso

Me : No, no, no I can't. He is going to kill me

Mdunge : No, he won't.

Me : You don't know Nqabayethu wena Baba uMdunge

Mdunge : I'm going to be very honest with you. Your sister has
lost her job, she is sick, her marriage will be over very soon and
she is going to die if you don't do the right thing.

Me : Yini kanti ekumele yenziwe?

Mdunge : What is his name, ubaba wengane?

Me : Nqabayethu
Mdunge : You and Nqabayethu needs to introduce the boy to
his ancestors, give him a name and speak about him. Ngane
yami umfana wakho unesikhwele nolaka

(I'm not even surprised, he was Nqabayethu's son after all)

Mdunge : Uwumtwana othandayo kukhulunywe ngaye.

Me : He wasn't an actual baby kodwa baba uMdunge

Mdunge : He was. Give him what he wants and all of this will be
over

Me : I don't know

Mdunge : Think about it. Please call your mother on your way
out.

Me : Please don't tell her about this

Mdunge : It's not my place to tell her

(I walk out and put on my shoes. I go inside the car)

Mantwa : Uthini?

Me : He said I must tell you to come in

Mantwa : What?

(I sigh)

Me : Just go Mah. I don't want to be here anymore

Mantwa : Kanti utheni uMdunge?

Me : Luuutho. Please go
(She got out of the car. We waited and waited for her and she
finally came back. She didn't look happy when she came back. I
wonder what Mdunge told her. Mdunge gave Lungile holy
water and nothing else. We went back home. Sgoba went back
to his house and he left Lungile. Do you know how depressing it
is to stay with someone who is sick? And what makes it worse is
knowing that I'm the reason why she is sick. I couldn't stay
home so I went to see Ndoni.)

Ndoni : Bayahlupha laba. Anyway, are you okay?

(I let out a sigh)

Me : No, I'm not okay. Kuyabheda skhokho

Ndoni : What's wrong?

Me : Siyile ke kuloyababa
Ndoni : And?

Me : Killing Nqabayethu's child was the biggest mistake I've

ever made.

Ndoni : You didn't kill his baby. Stop saying that

Me : I did. Iqiniso esingeke silibalekele lelo

Ndoni : You are not the only one oseke wakhipha isisu.
Abortion is legal

Me : It is but we don't think about the consequences, Ndoni.

Imizi yabantu ayifani bra and akuyena wonke umuntu
oyokhipha isisu impilo iqhubeke kanjalo nje and I am one of
those people. I shouldn't have killed ingane yakwa Zungu

Ndoni : Stop beating yourself about this whole thing

Me : I'm not, ingane yakhona engishayayo.

Ndoni : This thing is all in your head. You are feeling guilty over
nothing. Do you see why you were supposed to go for
counseling? You did nothing wrong Simtho mfethu. I had an
abortion and nakhu ngiyaphila

Me : I just told you now ukuthi asifani. weNdoni uthi uMdunge I

need to tell Nqabayethu the truth

(She stands up quickly)

Ndoni : Ini? Ey ungalinge!

Me : I know. I told him I can't but Lungile is sick.

Ndoni : Because of the abortion?

Me : Kanti ngithini kuwena? Amadlozi akwa Zungu awadlali.

Ndoni : I understand but noma kungathiwa kwenzekani, do not
tell Nqabayethu the truth.

Me : You don't know how hard it is to stay in an abusive

relationship. Yazi uNqabayethu akangazi nokuthi ngiyini. He
doesn't respect me, he doesn't respect my family. Uyangishaya,
ekhulume noma ikanjani nami angathi ngiyislima nje but you
know what's worse? I can't do anything about it because I feel
like I deserve the way he treats me. I feel like I owe him.

Ndoni : You don't owe him

Me : Akuwena owabulala ingane yakhe.

(She sighs and sits down)

Ndoni : Simtho I'm sorry mfethu

Me : Kuzomele ngibekezele impilo yami yonke. No matter what

he does to me kuzomele ngibekezele
Ndoni : Simtho come on bra.

Me : It's true.

(I sigh)

Me : Yazi ukubulala ingane kaNqabayethu was my downfall

futhi lokho iqiniso engingasoze ngalifihla. I'm trapped Ndoni,
indlela impilo engicindezela ngayo manje, I feel like death is the
only way out.
20
8 MONTHS LATER

(Nqabayethu and Musa are getting along very well. Finding a

job has been a mission but luckily I have Nqabayethu. Lungile is
still sick and her marriage is falling apart. Sgoba was trending
on social media recently after a video of him dancing with
naked women in a nightclub went viral. After Lungile saw that
video she got worse. I'm still not ready to come clean about the
abortion and I don't think I'll be ready anytime soon. I'm at
Nqabayethu's house. I arrived last night and I'm going to stay
for a couple of days. Right now I prefer being in his house than
at home. 2 hours after I arrived last night we heard Nyathuko
knocking on our door. There is no word to describe how angry
he was. He was literally hitting walls. Nqabayethu stopped him
when he wanted to drive back to his house. He told him that he
couldn't drive in that condition so he begged him to sleep over.
The way Nqabayethu puts his friends first more than anything,
I'm telling you that we had to leave at midnight and leave
Nyathuko in our house because "he needed space" according to
his friend. We went and slept in Mzet's house. I thought
Nyathuko was going to commit suicide in our house. How can
Sthabile cheat on such a handsome man? Nyathuko is a whole
package phela, he is everything that any woman ever dreamed
of. He is not even rude, everything about him is just amazing.
Some women are truly ungrateful or maybe the problem is in
bed? Maybe his skills in bed are not as good as he looks. What
amazed me the most is how clean we found our house when
we came back from Mzet's house. I knew Sthabile's husband
was clean but this clean? Jesus I was so embarrassed. The truth
is I've never cleaned Nqabayethu's house like Nyathuko did. We
found him watching TV or the TV was watching him? Yeah the
TV was watching him. I'm not sure if he is moving in with us
because I'm seeing his bag now. I don't mind having him
around. I actually like him a lot, No, no, not that "Like" but I do.
We are eating meat in the living room)

Nqabayethu : Gawula phela Thukeh

Nyathuko : No, sengi grand idlani

(Shame, he can't even eat)

Nqabayethu : Yabo mina, I'll kill Sthabile.

(I cough. When I look at Nyathuko, he seems relaxed. Does
Nyathuko understand that Nqabayethu means everything he
says?)

Nyathuko : No

Mzet : Thukeh divorce that woman. Usemncane kabi bro wami.

(Nyathuko sighs and stands up )

Nyathuko : Ngisayobhema. Please give me the lighter

Nqabayethu : Awumgaye Zet

(He takes the lighter and walks out. Mzet and Nqabayethu
laugh)

Nqabayethu : Do you see why I don't want to get married?

Mzet : This is bad G. u Sthabile ulahla i side blind nou. Uyacava
kodwa ukuthi imncanywa kanjani le outie?

Nqabayethu : Uyacava and that's why she is doing all this shit. I
told Nyathuko ukuthi emgaxe impama noma ikanye nje kodwa
ngabona ukuthi ngeke eyenze leyonto

Mzet : Udinga Ukudica amakhekhe amubalwa nje uboy same

time ekhohlwe Ile vrou yakhe.

Nqabayethu : Wee! I called that coloured girl for him last night
and he chased her away sengihambile. U Sthabile umrikhile Zet,
I swear to God.

Mzet : Mimo?

Nqabayethu : Sho.

Mzet : Umrikhile straight G. Kumele simphalazise

(I can't suppress my laughter anymore, I burst)

Nqabayethu : Skhukhukazi ungangirikhi Ngiyacela

Me : I will. A little bit of love potion will be good for you

Nqabayethu : I'll kill you mina Nomzamo

(I know he means it)

Nqabayethu : Yazi yini engidinayo mina Zet? I know he won't

divorce her uyazisholo nje. Ey oThukeh bazalwa eNdwedwe
phela, NDW, No Divorce Woman.

(They laugh)

Me : He is coming nina

(They quickly change the topic.)

Mzet : Ntuzuma bought a new car. Umbonile ku Whatsapp?

Nqabayethu : Yeah ngibonile. Do you see what I was talking

about? ONtuzuma went ahead with that heist. Phela
amaphoyisa awaholi

Mzet : Aw i ovi leyo G. Kwashawa ama meter ayiskhathi futhi

Nqabayethu : Ay ama meter ngeke. That car is cheap .

Mzet : You are right

Nqabayethu : Ithina esizoshaya ama meter. Uyabo this time

angifuni sphithiphithi

Mzet : My G
(What are they talking about now? Anyway, Nyathuko walks
back in, smelling like mint)

Nqabayethu : Thukeh?

Nyathuko : Yah

Nqabayethu : Ngifuna siphalaze ksasa

(Nyathuko raises his thick eyebrows. The reaction on his face is

more funny that the one on Nqabayethu's)

Nyathuko : Ngobani?

Nqabayethu : Ngoba sinenyongo, I want us to clean ourselves.

Nyathuko : No
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ngi right mina.
(Nyathuko sits down and takes out his phone)

Nqabayethu : Ngifuna siphalaze nje sonke. You, me no Zet.

Nawe skhukhukazi angithi?

(I laugh)

Me : Yes baby

Nqabayethu : Uyabonake, sonke sophalaza.

Nyathuko : Ey angiyizwa lento oyishoyo mina

Nqabayethu : No, you don't have to…..

(Nqabayethu's phone rings)

Nqabayethu : Wee! Imali ke ezokhulunywa la

Me : Who is it?

Nqabayethu : U Princess. Let me put him on a loudspeaker…

Princess

Musa : Hey big bro

Nqabayethu : U right?

Musa : Yeah. Are you home?

Nqabayethu : Yah, I'm home.

Musa : Do you remember about my trip to England?

Nqabayethu : Yeah kanti umhlaka bani namhlanje?

Musa : I'm leaving tomorrow

Nqabayethu : And when are you coming back?

Musa : In a week or so?

Nqabayethu : Uzodinga malini ke?

Musa : I don't know, R5000?

Nqabayethu : Okay, ngizoyifaka manje

Musa : Thank you big brother, I love you.

Nqabayethu : Ay Ay Musa

(Musa laughs)

Musa : Nqabayethu, uzothini ngivele ngiphahlazeke nebhanoyi

ngingashongo ukuthi I love my brother?
(Nqabayethu's throat moves as he swallow. He wasn't
expecting Musa to say something like that)

Nqabayethu : Ngiyakuthanda nami Manzini

(Why am I so emotional? Gosh I love this side of Nqabayethu.

Nyathuko smiles looking at him)

Nqabayethu : Khona uThukeh la

Nyathuko : Yah Princess

Musa : Hey handsome!!

(Musa screams)

Musa : I saw Nomzamo's status and I saw that you guys are
having a braai without me. Ngizonibamba
(We laugh)

Nyathuko : Woza

Musa : Where is Sthabile?

(Oh no)

Nyathuko : Usendlini

Musa : Don't be a febelina there, okay?

(We laugh)

Nyathuko : Relax.
(Nyathuko leans back on the couch and continues with
whatever he was doing on his phone. I don't think he wants to
speak to Musa anymore)

Nqabayethu : Bhabhayike

Musa : Where is Sis Nomzamo?

Nqabayethu : Nangu

Me : Hey Sam

Musa : Hey wifey!

Me : Are you still coming later?

Musa : My brother refused to pick me up

Nqabayethu : Hawu ngithe Zet will pick you up

Musa : Nini pho?

Nqabayethu : Mase uright, I'm not going anywhere mina

namhlanje.

Musa : Okay, please tell him to come now

Nqabayethu : Sho

Musa : Transfer the money phela

Nqabayethu : Okay

(Nqabayethu ends the call)

Nqabayethu : Zet awuthumele u Musa u 10 sgodo lapho

Mzet : R10 000?

Nqabayethu : Yah kule account yakhe esinayo

Mzet : Sho

(I clear the table. On my way from the kitchen I find my eyes

looking at Nyathuko's phone. He is watching Sthabile's videos.
He slides to the next one and on this one, Sthabile is playing
with their son. He doesn't finish that one and he goes back to
the previous one of Sthabile alone. He surely misses. He is busy
laughing while looking at the video. Ay man this guy really loves
Sthabile. I go and sit down before he sees me staring at his
phone)

Nqabayethu : Thukeh are they sending you nudes?

(Nyathuko ignores him)

Nqabayethu : Huh Thukeh?

(Nyathuko quickly locks his phone and puts it back into his
pocket)

Nyathuko : Sure, uyakhuluma?

Nqabayethu : Zithini? Why are you staring at your phone?

Nyathuko : No I was just looking at Ndlelenhle's videos.

(Liar)

Nqabayethu : Ey I miss your boy. Ey leyantwana ilayithile. Ibiza

uThukeh ngegama weZet

(We laugh)

Me : Ay stop lying

Nqabayethu : Ngiyakutshela Nomzamo.

Mzet : Incane mos leyantwana

Nqabayethu : Ey wena, I'm telling you. Ikubiza ngobani kambe

Thukeh?

Nyathuko : Ngo Unke

(We laugh)

Nqabayethu : Ize ivale amehlo mase imbiza

Mzet : Iseyinhle na nou?

Nqabayethu : Angathi ithekeni, ishaya ngalama dimples ka

Thukeh. Iyafana yona no Thukeh ukuthi uThukeh usashawa
umhlaba ke nje yena
(We all burst into laughter. Gosh, I enjoy sitting with these
men)

Mzet : We also need to have kids now G.

(What the fuck Mzet!)

Nqabayethu : Amawele nje Zet. Ey lapho ngiwancanywani

Nyathuko : What? Twins?

Nqabayethu : Blind. Angase ngithole wona nje wakithi angabe

ngiphelele

Me : Let me go and wash dishes

(I stand up and walk away. They laugh)

Nqabayethu : Skhukhukazi, come back here

Me : No

Nqabayethu : Aw Nomzamo

Me : Noooo.

(I walk into the kitchen and sigh. I'll never be ready to have
conversation about babies. God, I'm not sure if I can keep up
anymore)
21
(We are sleeping in Nqabayethu's room. Musa is sleeping in the
other room)

Me : Why would Sthabile cheat on him?

Nqabayethu : Niyafeba nje nina

Me : Ay don't involve me

Nqabayethu : Ohho

Me : Manje uzolalaphi?

Nqabayethu : In his house

Me : Oh akahambanga uSthabile?
Nqabayethu : Ey I don't know. Bazoba right labana. Bahlale
bexana behlukane but they always get back together

Me : Yah

(He kisses me)

Me : Baby stop, Musa will hear us

Nqabayethu : He is old mos and he knows that couples have sex

all the times

Me : No, yazi kunesdina kanjani ukuzwa abantu benza i sex

Nqabayethu : How do you know?

Me : Aw come on Nqabayethu

Nqabayethu : Fine. Suka phezu kwami

(I laugh)

Nqabayethu : Uyasineka uNomzamo . Suka

Me : Aybo are you serious?

Nqabayethu : Manje ufuna ngilokhu ngiqhanyelwa singeke

senze lutho?

Me : Your brother is here

Nqabayethu : Okay. Suka ke

Me : Mxm

(I get off him and fix my pillow)

Me : Wena nje it's all about sex.

Nqabayethu : Ufuna ngibe about what?

Me : Sikhulume nje Nqaba

Nqabayethu : Okay, let's talk. When are we having a baby?

Me : Ay kahle ke. Angisebenzi mina Nqabayethu so I need to

get a job first before sibe nengane

(He laughs)

Nqabayethu : Are you serious?

Me : Yes, I know ukuthi unayo imali but nami ngifuna ukuba

nengane sengisebenza

Nqabayethu : Ay ngiyakuzwa
Me : Yeah

Nqabayethu : Or maybe you are still angry ngalento eyenzeka?

Me : Yiphi?

Nqabayethu : How we lost our baby

Me : No, I'm not angry. I… (Sigh) let's not talk about it

Nqabayethu : No we need to talk about it

Me : Okay. Ngaya kumuntu obonayo

Nqabayethu : Yaaah?

Me : Yes. Wangitshela that we need to introduce the baby

emadlozini akwa Zungu
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siyiqambe negama

Nqabayethu : Okay?

(Wow. He is taking this better than I expected)

Me : Yes

Nqabayethu : Waya nini kulomuntu wakho?

(I swallow)

Me : A few days ago

Nqabayethu : Wangishiya mina?

Me : Hawu Nqaba, ngangiphelezela uLungi nami wangibonela

ke
Nqabayethu : Wakhetha ukungitshela manje?

Me : I was planning to tell you but kwavele kwaba busy kwafika

no Thukeh

Nqabayethu : Ngiyabona.

Me : So uthini?

Nqabayethu : We will do it. I'll speak to my father but before I

do soya komunye umuntu naye mesho the same thing soyenza
ke yonke leyonto

(What?)

Me : Aibo awungithembi?

Nqabayethu : No, I trust you but I want to be sure. Kumele

ngibe nesiqiniseko sokuthi iyona ngempela yini into ekufanele
ngiyenze leyo. Angifuni ukuzibangela amabhadi mina
Nomzamo

Me : What do you mean?

Nqabayethu : Izinto zedlozi izinto ezi serious kakhulu. Akuyona

into engingayithatha kancane

Me : But you lied to your brother about his parents. Uthe

bashona Nqabayethu and leyonto i wrong

Nqabayethu : They didn't want him. Ubaba wathi U Malungisa

akakhiphe isisu

Me : And she didn't

(We are whispering now)

Nqabayethu : Yes kodwa wahamba wayomulahla. Bekufanele

ngimtshele kanjani mina leyonto?
Me : Kodwa ukuqamba amanga Nqabayethu? What if
uthukuthelisa lona lelidlozi olisaba kangaka?

Nqabayethu : Ey! Asiyeke lento

Me : Fine.

Nqabayethu : Yah. Vele this is none of your business, uzifaka

ezintweni ongahlangani nje nazo

Me : Sorry

Nqabayethu : Khona omunye ubaba onokusiza uNyathuko

ngizokhuluma naye u Nyathuko siye kuloyo baba. Owase
Mzinyathi

Me : You'll go with Nyathuko?

Nqabayethu : Uhlanganaphi u Thukeh nengane yami?

Me : I'm just asking bakithi

Nqabayethu : Uvele ubuze imibuzo engasile nje wena. Sohamba

nawe

(I sit up. Hell no)

Me : What?

Nqabayethu : Yinindaba?

Me : Why kumele uhambe nami ekubeni ngahamba ngedwa

mina?

Nqabayethu : It's our baby Nomzamo, we have to go together.

Manje yini ke inkinga?
(I swallow hard. This is a disaster)

Me : Ngiyakuzwa Manzini

Nqabayethu : Sizoba grand uzobona

(I fake a smile)

Me : When are we going?

Nqabayethu : Maybe tomorrow, ngizokhuluma no Thukeh.

(What? Tomorrow?)

Me : Why so soon?

Nqabayethu : Because this is important. Akuyona into ekumele

sithathe kancane le. It can fuck up our lives
Me : I know.

Nqabayethu : Ngiyabonga mamah ngokungitshela yonke lento

Me : It's okay

(I pull out a smile. He kisses me. My mind is busy so I'm not

feeling anything that he is doing. Things are going to be so
fucked up. Nqabayethu is going to kill me. I need to stop this
whole thing)
22
Me : U Thukeh ushiye i jacket yakhe bakithi

(I take and smell it. If there is one person who doesn't change
his cologne then it has to be Nyathuko. He smells the same ever
since I've known him. Shame man, I miss seeing him around this
house)

Why are you smelling Thukeh's jacket?

(Shit Nqabayethu! I quickly throw the jacket on the bed and

clear my throat)

Me : Uyikhohliwe

Nqabayethu : I know that kodwa ngibuza ukuthi wena

uyinukelani?

Me : I wasn't smelling it
Nqabayethu : Nomzamo do you like him?

Me : I like all your friends

Nqabayethu : I see.

Me : Yini awuthandi ngikhonze abangani bakho?

Nqabayethu : Ey I don't care who you like Nomzamo. It's not

like sizoshada and stuff so enza noma yini

(Why is he giving me attitude? I know he is stressed about the

heist but that's none of my business.)

Me : Usukhuluma kanjalo?

Nqabayethu : Princess let's go

I'm done bro I'm done

(Musa responds from another room)

Nqabayethu : What the fuck is wrong with McDonald's?

Balambisa izingane zami phela manje labantu

Me : Ukhuluma ngani?

(He ignores me and continues typing on his phone)

Nqabayethu : Let's go

Me : Angihambi mina

Nqabayethu : Ngeke ngikuncenge futhi ngeke ngiyiphinde kabili

lento engishilo

(Mxm)
Me : Ngiyakuzwa

(We walk out of his bedroom)

Nqabayethu : Where is your bag?

Musa : In your car

Nqabayethu : Okay let's go

Musa : Ngiboleke phela bhuti wami iwashi lakho

Nqabayethu : Lithathe ngiyakupha

(He takes off his watch and gives it to Musa. Musa screams.
What!? I can't believe he just gave him his favorite watch just
like that. He always preaches about how expensive this watch is
and how he is the only one who owns it here in South Africa but
now he just gave it to his brother just like that. I don't know but
this Musa guy is starting to annoy me, honestly. Nqabayethu
gives him everything he wants and it's irritating me)

Me : Wow siyakubongela

(Musa is busy kissing him all over his face)

Musa : I love you, I love you. I love you so much bhuti wami

(Aysuka you love his money, nxa!)

Me : Ngizonilinda emotweni

(I say and walk out. I don't even bother myself by sitting in the
front seat because I know it's no longer my place but Musa's
place. Apparently "everyone should see that his brother is the
Ghetto King" Yuuuh! I don't like Musa. I'm sorry)

^
^
(We dropped him off at his house and we went to Ntuzuma to
see Nqabayethu's children. We found all of them chilling under
the sun with Gogo. They are eating McDonald's burgers. We are
sitting inside Nqabayethu's car)

Nqabayethu : Hawu u Thukeh wafona wathula manje? Sho

wakithi

Nyathuko : Nqaba?

Nqabayethu : Sho uyangizwa?

Me : Mkhiphe esipikheni

Nyathuko : Yeah, I can hear you now. Ubatholile?

Nqabayethu : Yeah your father called them. Ngifike sebefikile

Nyathuko : Okay

Nqabayethu : Ukephi?

Nyathuko : E Mzinyathi

Nqabayethu : Oh ku Gogo. Manje, are you not coming back?

Nyathuko : Uh-huh

(I look at Nqabayethu. Hhayi! Why am I sad that Sthabile's

husband is not coming back? Do I like him that much?)

Nqabayethu : Okay. Ushiye umjikelezo wakho lapha ehontshini

Nyathuko : Yeah ngibonile sengila. Uzoyiletha ksasa

Nqabayethu : Yah. Ngizokubona ke

Nyathuko : Sho

(Nqabayethu hung up.)

Me : Nqaba who bought them these burgers?

Nqabayethu : U Max unama shares e….

Me : Who's Max?

Nqabayethu : Nyathuko's father.

Me : Why umubiza ngegama?

Nqabayethu : He is young. Yazi ubaba ka Thukeh angase

ngikukhombise yena ungathi nginamanga

Me : He is still young?
Nqabayethu : Yah

(He laughs)

Nqabayethu : Nyathuko's mother was 10 years older than him

(I laugh out loud)

Me : Unamanga Nqaba

Nqabayethu : Ngiyakutshela skhukhukazi

Me : So uyena othenge ama burger?

Nqabayethu : Unama shares kwa McDonald's. Uyena

owangitholela uxhaso

Me : Wow that's amazing

Nqabayethu : Yeah. They come here once a week

Me : Lento yakho yokusiza umphakathi i serious

Nqabayethu : This is nothing. I want to do more than this

kodwa zizohlangana izinto maduzane. I'm working on
something

Me : You mean the heist?

(Silence)

Me : Nqabayethu ningaboshwa nkosiyami

Nqabayethu : Relax

Me : Ayikho into engizoyi relaxer Nqaba mfethu

Nqabayethu : Ngiyeza
Me : Usuyabaleka

Nqabayethu : Aibo. Hamba uyothenga i drink yakho nawu

ukhiye

Me : Ngihambe ngemoto?

Nqabayethu : Usheshe

(I smile)

Me : Okay

(He gets out of the car and I jump to the driver's seat. I start the
engine and drive to the nearest shop. Everyone is looking at me
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not me but this car. I turn up the music. Now I feel like the
Ghetto Queen. There are men sitting around as always. I take
my purse and get out of the car. They whistle. I laugh)

Me : Sanibona

(I greet them and buy my Fanta orange)

Ushiye i number phela mntaka Mah

(One of them says)

Uzokudubula u G wena. Nihamba nishela izintombi ezi wrong

Mabura

(I laugh)

Me : Tell him
Mabura : Aw nawe ubhejwa iloyaskhotheni?

( My blood boils)

Me : Excuse me?

Mabura : Ey mfethu amathekeni ayabhayiza.

(He laughs and shakes his head. I walk straight to him)

Me : Are you talking to me?

Mabura : Cha

Me : No, phinda lento ekade uyisho

Mabura : Yiphi? Aybo nasi isfebe bo

(My eyes widen)

Me : Ubiza mina ngesfebe?

Sesteri leave him. He is drunk

Mabura : Ngidakwe unyoko wena Sphiwe?

(Sphiwe laughs and stands up.)

Sphiwe : Uthini?

Majita come on, don't do this.

(Sphiwe throws the first punch. Ay they are fighting. There is

chaos. Everyone is turning against Sphiwe)

Umshayelani u Sbu? You are full of nonsense wena Sphiwe!

Usanganiswa izifebe
(The other one says. If I continue arguing with these fools I'll get
hurt so let me leave. When I lift up my eyes, Nqabayethu is
staring at me. When did he get here?)

Me : Nqaba

Nqabayethu : Nqaba amasimba? Uhlaleleni la?

(He is getting closer)

Me : No, I was….

(My face heats up. He just slapped me)

Me : Hawemah Nqaba

(I say while pressing my cheek)

Nqabayethu : Awuhambe uye emotweni! U busy namadoda la?

(I swallow. Without a word, I go and sit inside his car. He is

speaking to Sphiwe and the next thing I see Mabura on the
ground. He is kicking him. He spits on his face and comes back.
He gets in and starts his car)
Nqabayethu : Yini inkinga yakho namadoda Nomzamo?
Me : Nqabayethu I'm sorry. Iloyamfana ongiqalile
Nqabayethu : Stop lying!! Usuke uyaphi? Ubungayile kothenga
le drink? Ngoba usu busy namadoda ongawazi nje?
(He grabs the drink from my thighs and throws it out of the
window)
Me : I'm sorry, I'm…..
Nqabayethu : Shut up!!!

(He bangs the steering wheel. I close my eyes.)

Me : Ngicela ungangishayi
23
(Nqabayethu came with Sthabile's car and the next thing
Sthabile was reported missing. I know how much Nqabayethu
hates Sthabile so to be quite honest, I'm scared. His story
doesn't add up. He is telling me that Sthabile asked him to take
her to the hospital because she wasn't feeling well and he
refused. Gwiqiqi! He found her car next to Bridge City and
Sthabile wasn't there. It just doesn't make sense. What if he
killed her?)

Nqabayethu : Bengingeke mina ngisize umuntu owacishe

wangibophisa Nomzamo!

Me : I understand but did you see Nyathuko? He is losing it

Nqabayethu and I'm sure awujabuli ukumubona esenjeya

(Silence. He regrets not helping Sthabile)

Nqabayethu : They will find her

Me : What if bamthola esefile?

Nqabayethu : Just shut up Nomzamo! Awuboni ukuthi khona
ingane?

(Ndlelenhle is here. I don't know how Nyathuko fetched him

from his grandmother and Nqabayethu had to fetch him from
Ballito because Nyathuko wasn't coping. He is here from
yesterday but I love having him around, he is just so cute but he
eats a lot)

Me : Fine

(Nqabayethu is busy calling different people. I don't trust this

act. Nqabayethu knows what he did to Sthabile. He walks out
with his phone)

Me : Ave uwusathane kabi wena

(I whisper while looking at him through the window)

Me : Nxi! nencegelakazi.

(Sthabile's pictures are all over the news)

Me : Kodwa Sthabile nkosiyami. What happened to you kanti?

(This is really heartbreaking. Nyathuko is a mess, the whole

family is a mess. I'm just praying that Nqabayethu has nothing
to do with Sthabile's disappearance because it will end really
badly. My phone rings. It's Mandy)

Me : Hey

Mandy : Ay wena. U star ka Ashton ufile

(She laughs.)

Me : What?
Mandy : She is dead oe. Finally u Ashton usezoba nendoda
yakhe

Me : Aibo wena what do you mean?

Mandy : Vula i TV, she is all over the news

Me : I'm watching the news but abasho ukuthi u Sthabile

ushonile

Mandy : Obvious ufile. Simtho ise South Africa la. They won't
find her alive so wherever she is ufile

Me : Stop it Mandy!!

Mandy : She is your friend kambe

Me : No, she is not. Kodwa ingane yomuntu le okhuluma ngayo,

she has children Mandy! Nomndeni! And wena you are here
celebrating?
Mandy : Ay suka. I don't care

Me : No you are evil. Umngani wakho ngeke emnuke uThukeh

ngisho kungenzekani ku Sthabile

Mandy : Why unje?

Me : No, I just hate people like you abangenazwelo. What if

bekuwudadewenu lo olahlekile?

(Silence)

Me : Ay stop it mahn Mandy. You are better than that. Seninga

celebrater kangaka babhemu ngenxa yesende while there are
people crying? Is that fair?

Mandy : I'm sorry oe. Bengizidlalela mina

Me : No zikhona izinto zokudlala
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ay le. This is serious

Mandy : I'm sorry

Me : Ay suka!

(I hang up on her)

Me : Nxi!

(I go and check on Ndlelenhle. He is awake and he is playing

with my teddy bear. I melt)

Me : Hello baby

(I put the teddy bear away and kiss him)

Ndlela : Nce

(I laugh)

Me : Uyakhuluma wena? Huh baby? Let's go and eat baby

(He looks around)

Me : Ubhekani uNdlela? Huh baby? You want your teddy bear?

(We go to the kitchen. Nqabayethu came with a lot of things

and I don't know what to feed him. Purity will do. I grab one
and his spoon)

Me : Aren't you too big for this?

(I laugh and kiss his cheek. I sit down and feed him. His body
shakes up. I laugh out loud)
Me : What? You don't like it? Eat bhabha

(He closes his eyes)

Ndlela : Un.. Unke

Me : He is coming baby, uyeza ubaba. Khamisa ke boy boy

(I feed him but he pushes the spoon out of his mouth and
cries)

Me : Weeeh! Ayngeke ke. Nqaba?

(I walk out. Nqabayethu is speaking to someone over the

phone. I lean against the wall with Ndlelenhle in my arms. To
think that we were supposed to go and see Khambule today
regarding the baby issue. Somehow I'm glad this thing of
Sthabile happened because I'd be dead by now. )

Nqabayethu : Uyakhala?
Me : Ubiza uThukeh manje. Akafuni ukudla

Nqabayethu : Woza ku baba mfan'wam.

(I give him to Nqabayethu.)

Nqabayethu : Yah mfana ka Nke

(He kisses him)

Me : And?

Nqabayethu : That was Max

Me : Nyathuko's father?

Nqabayethu : Yah. Bamtholile uSthabile

Me : Oh siyabonga Nkosi. Bamutholephi?

Nqabayethu : Bafonelwe i clinic yala e Phoenix e Unit 10

Me : Okay. Kwangcono yazi

Nqabayethu : Yeah. Ubelethe amawele amantombazane

Me : What?

(He smiles)

Nqabayethu : Yah uThukeh ulale khona nje izolo. They are on

their way back, kumele ngihambise uNdlelenhle e Ballito

Me : Wow, that's good. Ubelethele khona e Clinic?

Nqabayethu : Yeah, angazi ulethwe obani. Ngizozwa sengifike
khona. Skhukhukazi please pack his things

Me : Hawu baby usuyahamba? Awumlethe la Nqaba

(I take him and kiss him all over his face)

Me : I'm going to miss you my boy. Uzokukhumbula u Ati,

uyezwa?

(I kiss him again)

Me : Ngithengela isinkwa phela before you go

Nqabayethu : Oh yah, yah.

(He taps on his pockets)

Nqabayethu : U wallet wami usemotweni

(He goes into his car and takes his wallet)

Nqabayethu : Ngiyabuya

Me : Okay baby

(He walks away)

Me : Ha! Usunosisi abawu 2 wena boy boy abafanayo?

(I laugh and kiss him. He is staring at me with his big eyes)

Me : Asambe siyozama ukudla futhi, okay?

(I walk in but I step out when I see Nqabayethu making his way
back)

Me : Ukhohlwe yini futhi?

(He shakes his head)

Me : Nqaba what's going on?

Nqabayethu : Letha iskhwama sika Ndlela

Me : Nqabayethu you are scaring me. What's going on?

Nqabayethu : Kumele ngimuhambise manje kubo

Me : I….

Nqabayethu : Kade kufone uNtokozo.

Me : Who?

Nqabayethu : Nyathuko's sister. Uthi ashonile amawele

(I freeze)

Me : What?

Nqabayethu : Yeah. Kuthiwa ashonele emotweni ka Thukeh

manje

Me : Hawemah Nqaba!
24
(It's Saturday, the time is 00h10. What are Nqabayethu's
friends doing here so early in the morning? I slowly get out of
bed and gently open the door. There are guns all over the
couch. Nqabayethu and his friends are surrounding the coffee
table. I don't even know what time Nqabayethu got back home
last night but clearly these people didn't sleep.)

Nqabayethu : Stop, stop! Awunyuse kancane u bright.

Mzet : Iyona

Nqabayethu : Yeah.

(There is silence. I don't know what they are staring at. Mzet
stands up with his phone. Nqabayethu is typing something on
the laptop)

Nqabayethu : We are done.

Mzet : They are leaving in 3 hours

Nqabayethu : Good. Call Ntuzuma

Mzet : Awufone Sbo

(Sbo stands up and walks out)

Nqabayethu : Sihlangana la. You know the rules

Sho

(They all say in unison. There are seven people in this house,
eight including Sbo)

Nqabayethu : Let's go and get this money

(They stand up and hug each other. Shit! They are going for that
heist.)
Me : Nqaba?

Nqabayethu : Sho

Me : Please

(I go back and sit on the bed. He walks in)

Nqabayethu : Uvukeleni?

Me : I heard noise coming from the lounge

Nqabayethu : Ngiyahamba manje. Ngizokushiya kini

Me : No, no Nqabayethu please call off the heist. I have a bad

feeling about this whole thing
Nqabayethu : This is something I've been doing for years
ungakafiki nokufika wena empilweni yami nama bad feeling
akho

Me : Your best friend needs you. He lost his kids Nqaba!

Awusayi manje wena futhi e Ndwedwe?

Nqabayethu : Ngiyaya emini

Me : Nqabayethu please. Ngiyakucela Manzini iyekeni yonke

lento

Nqabayethu : Gqoka ngikuhambise

Me : No

Nqabayethu : No?

(I sigh)
Me : Ngizohlala la ngikulinde uze ubuye ekhaya

Nqabayethu : Are you sure? Angithi wena wathi uyasaba

ukuhlala kulendlu wedwa

Me : I'm not scared anymore

Nqabayethu : Okay

(I hug him tightly. He slowly wraps his arms around me. I cry)

Me : Please be careful ubuye ekhaya uphila

Nqabayethu : I'll be fine skhukhukazi

(He breaks the hug)

Nqabayethu : Ungangifoneli. My phone will be off

Me : Oh Nkosiyami so how will I know ukuthi u right?

Nqabayethu : Uzokwazi mase ngibuya layindlini

(I sigh)

Nqabayethu : I'll be fine Nomzamo. Don't worry about me

Me : Okay

(He takes out his wallet)

Nqabayethu : Uthenge izinto zalana endlini nakho konke

okudingayo.

Me : Okay

(He gives me his card)

Nqabayethu : No limit

Me : Thanks

Nqabayethu : Oh and don't go anywhere near Gateway.

Me : What? Why?

Nqabayethu : Because I told you so.

(I swallow)

Me : Okay

Nqabayethu : Utshele nomndeni wakho nabangani bakho

Me : Aibo Nqaba
(He walks out. I follow and stand by the door)

Nqabayethu : Let's go

(Each of them grabs a gun from the couch and Nqabayethu

takes two. Mzet picks up a big bag from the floor. I wonder
what is inside. They walk out except for Nqabayethu.
Nqabayethu is staring at the wall. He is staring at his sister's
picture that is hanging on the wall. He runs his hand over it. I
step out of his bedroom)

Me : Manzini please don't…..

(He quickly shakes his head)

Nqabayethu : Take this. Uma kukhona ongakuqondi, kill.

(He presses the gun on my chest. I swallow hard and take the
gun)
Me : Okay

(He kisses my lips)

Nqabayethu : I'll see you later. Come and lock the door

(He tucks his gun under his jacket and walks out. I fix my gown
and go to lock the door. They are removing the number plates
from the VW kombi. Nqabayethu gets inside his BMW. He
presses his head against the steering wheel and starts revving
the engine. Mzet comes and gives me the number plates. He is
saying something but I can't hear him because the engine of
Nqabayethu's car is deafening. He goes back and gets inside the
VW Kombi. The VW drives off. Nqabayethu revved his car one
more time and followed the VW. I watch the cars until they
disappear. I sigh and close the door. I go back to bed and try to
sleep.)

^
^
^
( I open my eyes as I hear someone knocking on the door.
When did I fall asleep? I unlock my phone and check the time. I
didn't sleep for that long, it's only 00h50 am. Nqabayethu can't
be back so soon. I'm nervous now)

Me : Who is it?

(Silence)

Me : Ubani?

(I ask while getting out of bed. I grab Nqabayethu's gun under

my pillow and open the bedroom door)

Me : Ngithe ubani?

Nyathuko
(I don't know why but my heart starts racing. Nyathuko at this
time?)

Me : Nyathuko?

Nyathuko : Yes
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ukhona uNqaba?

(Oh my God, it's him. Shouldn't he be home, preparing for the

funeral of his kids? I put the gun away and go to open the door
for him. I open and freeze. He is wearing black overalls, black
boots and a black beanie hat. He looks like one hell of a
criminal. He is smoking and there's blood all over his hands. His
face too has blood stains. He throws away the cigarette)

Me : Baba kaNdlela

Nyathuko : Nkosazana ukhona uNqaba?

Me : No

(I close my eyes and open them. I've never been this confused.
I've never seen Nyathuko like this before)

Me : Nq… Nqaba is not here. Thukeh what's going on?

Nyathuko : Uyephi?

Me : Please come in

(What if someone is watching us and he is looking like this? He

walks in and looks around)

Me : What happened?

(He swallows)

Nyathuko : Khona abebezama ukungiphuca imoto

Me : Oh my God, where?

Nyathuko : Ngicela ukugeza izandla. I need to go home and….

Me : Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's okay. Pho imoto bayithathile?

Nyathuko : No

Me : Where is it?

Nyathuko : Ngipake phezulu

Me : Okay

(He goes inside the bathroom. I go back to the bedroom and

wait for him to finish. A few minutes later he was ready to go)

Nyathuko : Ngiyabonga
Me : Thukeh bakulimazile yini pho ngibone igazi?

Nyathuko : Kancane. UNqaba uyephi?

Me : Bahambile no Mzet

Nyathuko : Okay

Me : Nyathuko where were you coming from uze uvinjwe

izigebengu?

Nyathuko : Ngibongile Nkosazana. Ngiyaxolisa ukukuhlupha

(He is not going to say anything I guess)

Me : No problem

(He heads to the door)

Nyathuko : Please come and lock the door

Me : How is Sthabile?

Nyathuko : She is…. she will be fine. Anizi emngcwabeni?

Me : Soza mekubuya uNqaba

Nyathuko : Usale kahle. Ngibongile

(He walks out and just like that, he was gone.)

25
I hate funerals. Those coffins were so small. God is unfair
sometimes. Seeing Sthabile crying like that was heart
wrenching. At the graveyard I was only looking at her husband.
He was so broken yet beautiful. I'm starting to wonder if the
way I look at Sthabile's husband is even normal. Seeing
Nyathuko makes me excited and when he is sad I become sad
too. To be honest the only reason I was crying at that funeral
was because Nyathuko was sad. There is a way he looked at his
wife when she was crying. I can't describe it but it says "I got
you, anyday" sometimes I wish that Nqabayethu was Nyathuko.
The way that man loves is too loud and now I'm sure that
there's nothing he wouldn't do for his wife.)

Me : Nyathuko killed Delani?

(Nqabayethu's glares at me)

Me : Don't look at me like that, nginizwile nikhuluma no Mzet

Nqabayethu : Ubungalele kanti ubulalele izindaba?

Me : Oh please. He came to your house ezintatha namhlanje,
izandla zakhe zigcwele igazi and he was wearing the same
overalls that I saw him burning lapha kubo.

Nqabayethu : Oyah.

Me : So he killed him?

Nqabayethu : Yah

Me : Wow. That is so unlike him

Nqabayethu : U Thukeh ayikho into angeke ayenza for u

Sthabile or his family. If it means killing, he would.

Me : How did he kill him? Nithi he stabbed him twelve times

and then wayomshiya kujantshi?
Nqabayethu : Does it matter?

Me : No ngifuna nje ukwazi if he killed him before emshiye

kulayini westimela or umbulalele khona kulayini westimela?

Nqabayethu : Lemvula izonetha

Me : Huh Nqaba?

Nqabayethu : It doesn't matter Nomzamo, awuyeke futhi

ukuringa nga daai deng

Me : Fine. When are you buying me my own car?

Nqabayethu : Oh uzwile futhi nangomshikashika?

Me : Yes, I know that the heist went well but that's not why
ngibuza.
Nqabayethu : Give me a few weeks. Uzoyithola imoto

Me : Aw, wathi wena i driver's license yami ngeke iwuqede u 6

months.

Nqabayethu : Skhukhukazi angiwafuni amehlo.

Me : What do you mean?

Nqabayethu : Uzoyithola imoto relax

Me : Okay

Nqabayethu : I spoke to Nyathuko and he gave me Khambule's

number

(My heart wants to come out of my mouth)

Me : Oh
Nqabayethu : Yah. I think kumele siye Sunday next week

Me : Okay

Nqabayethu : Uzobuya nini ke?

Me : Tuesday, I think.

Nqabayethu : Uzongitshela

Me : Sho

(I kiss him and get out of the car. How can I stop this whole
Khambule madness?)

Me : Bye
(He drives off. I hate going to that house but I have no choice.
There's a car parking outside our gate. I knock and Mlondi
opens for me. There are two men sitting with my mother.)

Me : Sanibona

Mantwa : Nomzamo

(My mother says and crosses her arms)

Me : Awuvale Mlondi. Kwaze kwabanda la.

Mantwa : Beze kuwe

Me : Kumina?

Men 1 : Yes, I'm detective Zondo and this is detective

Nyawose.
Me : Detective?

Zondo : Yes, kunemibuzo emubalwa nje esinethemba ukuthi

ungayiphendula.

(I swallow)

Me : Oh

(I sit down)

Zondo : Are you comfortable here?

Me : Yes

Zondo : Good

(He takes out a notebook and a pen)

Zondo : Do you know Nqabayethu Zungu?

(My heart races)

Me : Why?

Zondo : Yes or no?

(I lean back on the couch)

Me : Yes

(He smiles)

Zondo : Umazi kanjani?

Me : He is my boyfriend
Zondo : Very good. Ungasho ukuthi uchitha isikhathi esiningi
nabangani bakhe?

Me : Like I said
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he is my boyfriend and I think that answers your question.

Zondo : Yes or no?

(I can't help but roll my eyes)

Me : No, he spends most of his time with me.

Zondo : Where was he last night?

Me : Ubuzelani?

(His gaze darts to Detective Nyawose)

Zondo : Please answer my question

(I clear my throat)

Me : He was at his friend's house

Zondo : Oh? Which friend?

Me : Mzet

(Dammit! Is this about the heist?)

Zondo : Ungasho ukuthi usuku lonke ubengekho?

Me : Yes

Zondo : I see. Tell me about the man who came to your house
around 00h50
Me : What man?

Zondo : This man

(He takes out a picture. This is Nyathuko, he is facing down but

this is Nyathuko and this picture was taken this morning when
he came to Nqabayethu's house)

Me : What do you want to know?

Zondo : Ubani igama lakhe?

Me : Nyathuko Zondi

Zondo : I see. Is this you?

(It's a picture of Nyathuko and I. The pictures are a bit blurry

and the blood in Nyathuko's hands is not visible)
Me : Yes

Zondo : What was he doing here so late?

Me : He was looking for Nqabayethu. Uwumngani ne boyfriend

yami

Zondo : I see. Wasn't he supposed to be home mourning for his

kids?

Me : He was but he needed some time away. Detective Zondo,

this is the same man oshonelwe izingane zakhe emotweni
yakhe. Izingane ebezingaguli, izingane abazitshela ukuthi
ugoduka nazo kodwa zashona. Do you understand that?

(He swallows)

Me : Kumele simahlulele ukuthi bekufanele ezile kanjani? He

needed his friends Detective, abantu abebezomduduza.
Zondo : Do you know Delani Mlotswa?

Me : Yes, what about him?

Zondo : He was killed

Me : Angiqondi

Zondo : Umfowabo uMzwandile Mlotshwa ukholwa ukuthi his

brother was killed, that someone forced him ukuthi ehambe
eyozibulalisa ngestimela.

Me : I don't know that

Zondo : What do you know?

Me : That Delani Mlotswa is a crazy man who kidnapped this

man's wife wacisho wamubulala. Detective, this man's wife was
found by community members emukhukhwini yase Bhambayi
la u Delani ayemthumbe khona
Zondo : What?

Me : You don't know? Shame. Delani was unstable. He believed

that he and Nyathuko's wife were married.

Zondo : Don't you think that maybe Nyathuko killed him to

ensure the safety of his wife?

Me : No, What I know is that Delani blamed himself for the

death of Nyathuko's twins and he committed suicide. He left a
suicide note for heaven's sake, akubona ubufakazi lobo?

Zondo : Are you sure about this?

Me : Detective u Nyathuko Zondi had no reason to kill Delani

Zondo : Are you saying this man's wife was kidnapped by Delani
and that Delani left a suicide note?
Me : Yes! waze wasikwa u Sthabile lendoda ekuthiwa uDelani
imuthumbile.

Zondo : Why didn't they open a case?

Me : Basazilile. Zondo I don't know ukuthi yini yonke le but

Nyathuko did not kill Delani. He is not a murderer

Zondo : But he is capable of killing. I mean he is your

boyfriend's best friend and sonke siyazi ukuthi…..

Me : u Nyathuko akayena umubulali

Zondo : Why are you protecting him?

Me : Why would I try to protect a man whose wife tried to get

my own boyfriend arrested?

(He swallowed hard)

26
(The plan was simple. I saved Nyathuko and he had to save me
from all that Khambule saga. I don't know what Nqabayethu did
but Nyathuko's case died just like that. The truth is,
Nqabayethu will always save Nyathuko's ass but I'm not sure
about Nyathuko's wife. Speaking of his wife, well she's been
very supportive regarding the abuse issue but very cold
towards Nqabayethu. The problem with that woman is that she
wants everything to go her way. She is so used to getting
everything she wants and I blame Nyathuko for that. No, I like
her but she is too spoiled and I find it annoying. Zanokuhle and
Ndlela are here)

Me : Ndlelenhle wants his father now

Nqabayethu : Is he sleeping?

Me : Yes but he will wake up now. Ubize ubaba wakhe waze

walala

Nqabayethu : He does that every time before he sleeps

Me : Call his father's name?

Nqabayethu : Yeah, angithi Zano?

Zano : Mhmm

(Zanokuhle's focus is on these guns that Nqabayethu is

cleaning)

Nqabayethu : Clean this one. Yabo sincane njengawe?

(They laugh. Zanokuhle takes one gun and cleans it)

Me : Nqabayethu no man, why unika ingane isibhamu?

Nqabayethu : He is a man

Me : He is 8 years old! What if iyaqhuma lento?

Nqabayethu : It's not loaded

Me : Ay Ay wena uzoziqhatha no baba walengane. Uzothini

metshela abazali bakhe ukuthi wena you give him guns?

(Silence)

Me : Zanokuhle please put that away

Zanokuhle : No

Me : Aibo wengane!

Nqabayethu : Nomzamo leave him alone.

Me : That's why uNyathuko engasafuni lengane ize la,

uyabikelwa ukuthi ingane yakhe ifundiswa ukuba utsotsi. Isho
inenkani nayo
Nqabayethu : Angiyifundisi ukuba utsotsi. He needs to learn to
stand up for himself. His father is too soft now kumele
kubekhona indoda kuloyamuzi

Me : Aibo Nqaba!

Nqabayethu : Ubaba wakhe u busy kuyimanje ugonene no

Sthabile. Indoda ehlale igonene ngomfazi? That's bullshit!

Me : She lost her kids, udinga indoda yakhe Nqaba.

Nqabayethu : No!

Zanokuhle : Are we going to the shooting range after this?

Me : Ayke angisazi ke
Nqabayethu : Don't worry my boy, I'll train you soon. You need
to learn a few basic gun safety first.

(I shake my head. I don't like this one bit)

Nqabayethu : Uyamubona skhukhukazi? He has gotten into the

gun world. Indoda le. Nomfowabo wathi 3 years nje siyamufaka
eyeke ukulokhu ememezana no Thukeh before he sleeps

Me : They are not your kids, you can't decide for them.

Nqabayethu : Nyathuko is my brother skhukhukazi and that

makes them my children.

Me : Yho! Ay. Ngicela ukuhamba

Nqabayethu : Wait, let me finish here.

Me : Uzobenzenjani?
Nqabayethu : Ngizoshiya wena kini and take them to Ballito

Zanokuhle : We are leaving now?

Nqabayethu : Yes my boy, umalume kumele ehambe and I can't

leave you alone here.

Zanokuhle : Ookay

(Shame, he is sad. This boy loves Nqabayethu.)

Nqabayethu : I'll pick you up from school tomorrow

(Zanokuhle's face lights up)

Zanokuhle : Really?

Nqabayethu : Yes
(Nqabayethu lifts him up and brushes his head. He kisses his
forehead)

Zanokuhle : You'll let me drive the Ghetto King?

Nqabayethu : Sho
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it's yours, angithi?

(Zanokuhle laughs and wraps his arms around his neck)

Zanokuhle : Yes uncle Nqaba

Me : Ngizoya kothatha u Ndlela

Nqabayethu : Okay
(I shake my head and walk away. Later we were on our way to
Ka Mchunu. Zanokuhle is sitting in the back seat with his little
brother. Nqabayethu keeps looking at them in his rear view
mirror)

Nqabayethu : u Thukeh kumele enginike zona lezingane

because you don't want to give me kids

Me : Oh please

Nqabayethu : I'm serious

Me : Angikaze ngithi angifuni ukukunika izingane

Nqabayethu : Let's fix this whole thing siqale umndeni

skhukhukazi

Me : Asibuye sikhulume ngalento

(He shakes his head)

Nqabayethu : Ngibizwe ubaba

Me : What?

Nqabayethu : Yes, he heard about Musa so ufuna sikhulume

kodwa nje unenkani. Uthe kunezinye izinto afuna sizikhulume

Me : Wow, okay.

Nqabayethu : I want you to be there.

Me : Me? Why?

Nqabayethu : Because you are my girlfriend. Nomzamo angifuni

ukuba ngedwa no baba so ngiyacela ube nami

(He sounds so broken. I feel sad)

Me : Okay sthandwa sami

Nqabayethu : Ngiyabonga

Me : Uyasaba?

(His jaws tighten)

Nqabayethu : Ngabhodisa intwana yasedladleni

Me : But kwaba iphutha

Nqabayethu : Akanendaba. Please, I don't want to talk about

this.

Me : Okay, I'll come with you.

(He sighs)
Nqabayethu : Bengifuna siye ka Khambule but it's going to have
to wait. Ngilungise lento no Baba kuqala

(God is with me, I swear. He keeps pushing away this Khambule

thing)

Me : Yeah mhlampe naye uzositshela ukuthi senzeni

njengomuntu omdala

Nqabayethu : I know this will sound crazy but I miss my family

Nomzamo. Yabona into engayibona lapha eMhlanga kushone
amawele ka Thukeh, umndeni uhlangene usekana (Sigh)
Kwangikhumbuza into engingenayo. I miss my family,
ngiyakukhumbula ukuba nomndeni.

(Did Nqabayethu just speak about family? His family)

Me : Is everything okay?

(He laughs)
Nqabayethu : Yeah. Why?

Me : You sound different

Nqabayethu : I know ukuthi angijwayele ukukhuluma ngalezinto

but lokho akusho ukuthi angicabangi ngazo. I spoke to
Nyathuko and khona into ayishilo engivule amehlo. Nomzamo, I
want us to get married one day. Lento anayo u Thukeh
ngiyayifuna nami one day kodwa ngeke ngikwenze lokho
ngaphandle kukaBaba

Me : Wow. Yazi ngaphelelwa amazwi

Nqabayethu : Uyazi ukuthi ngiyakuthanda angithi?

Me : Do you really love me Nqabayethu?

Nqabayethu : With all my heart. Lezinto zokukushaya and stuff

angizenzi ngoba ngingakuthandi. Ngineskhwele, I don't want to
lose you and mase wenza lezinto zakho ngivele ngisabe
Simtholile.

Me : Usabeni?

Nqabayethu : That I'm going to lose you

(He parks his car and turns off the engine)

Me : Oh come on Nqaba, I'm not going anywhere.

(He smiles)

Me : I'm not going to kiss you in front of the kids so bye

(He takes my hand and kisses the back of it)

Nqabayethu : I love you

(I smile)

Me : I love you too

Nqabayethu : Call me
Me : I will. Bye Zano
Zanokuhle : Bye aunty Zamo
Me : Ndlela?
(He looks around and laughs)
Me : Bye boy boy. Mncwa, Mncwa Ndlela
(He laughs. Sthabile's son is so cute)

Me : Manzini

Nqabayethu : Bhabhayi sthandwa sami

(I get out of his car and go home)

27
(The next morning I woke up and cooked porridge for my
family)

Mantwa : Nithi alibhubhi?

(My mother says while walking into the kitchen. I laugh)

Me : What do you mean?

Mantwa : Usuvukile wena wansondo

Me : Yes and ngenze nephalishi

Mantwa : Eish Dade! Siyabonga bo

Me : U Lungi I don't know if I should take hers to her bedroom

or uzodla nathi
Mantwa : Ay she needs to join us eqaqe umzimba loya eyeke
ukuhlala elele. Uzogula kakhulu

Me : But she is getting better yazi

Mantwa : Nami ngiyamubona. Kodwa lento ye divorce

iyamudla

Me : But uyena…..

Mantwa : Ssh!

(She shushes me)

Mantwa : Lalela phela

(She whispers and walks closer to me)

Mantwa : u Mlondi uthi he heard them fighting over the phone

Me : u Sgoba no?

(We are both whispering)

Mantwa : Yes. Angathi u Sgoba uyena ofune isihlukaniso kodwa

usisi wakho uqamba amanga uthi uyena. Angithi uyakhumbula
ukuthi wathi yena uzophuma nemali eningi kabi kulomshado?

Me : Yes I remember

Mantwa : Ayke that's not the case anymore. Sgoba wants to

take everything

Me : What?

Mantwa : Yes, ngithi mina Lungile ncenga lendoda iyeke lento

eyenzayo. Manje ngiyabona she acts like she doesn't care
kodwa u Mlondi uyamuzwa ebusuku encenga u Sgoba to stop
this whole divorce process.
Me : Hawu bakithi Mah, this is sad.

Mantwa : It is. Manje ngizibuza ukuthi yini kuthina enza angathi

akanendaba no Sgoba?

Me : You know Lungile Mah, she thinks she is better than

anyone else layikhaya. Usaba ihlazo lokushiwa indoda

Mantwa : Please go and talk to her

(She gives me a bowl of porridge and a spoon)

Me : Okay

(I go and knock in Lungile's room. I push the door and walk in.
Jesus! Her mouth is so dry)

Me : Skhokho
(She smiles. Oh no she was crying. Her eyes are red)

Lungile : Hey

Me : Lungi kwenzenjani?

(She shakes her head and looks away)

Me : Ubaba ka Anele angithi?

Lungile : Cha

Me : Dammit Lungile, I know it's him. Uthini?

(She cries even more)

Lungile : He wants a divorce

(I close the door and sit on her bed)

Me : But….

Lungile : Cha Simtho! I don't want a divorce. Angifuni

ukulahlekelwa umndeni wami. I can't raise my children alone u
Sgoba esenomunye umfazi

Me : What do you mean?

Lungile : Uthi ufuna ukuyolobola kwa Thusi

Me : Thusi? Ikephi lapho?

Lungile : Sgoba has a girlfriend, bathandana kudala before I

came into the picture.

Me : Hhaibo are you serious?

Lungile : Yes, leyontombazane yahamba iyothwasa and ilapho u
Sgoba ahlangana khona nami sathandana.

Me : Yho!

Lungile : Yabuya sesishadile but ayibanga nenkinga. Manje u

Sgoba usefuna ukubuyela kuyo

Me : Is that what he said?

Lungile : Yes! Uthe ufuna ukuyolobola mina ngiyamubambezela

ngalento ye divorce. He wants me to sign the papers

Me : Ha! Ha! Inkinga ke le

Lungile : His girlfriend called me last night and she told me

ukuthi yena she doesn't want Sgoba to break up with me.
Uyaboniswa ukuthi lento yami no baba ka Anele ayihambi
yodwa
Me : What?

Lungile : Exactly. Yazi bengizitshela ukuthi she is calling to brag

but no. Uthi akajabulile ngayo yonke lento because she sees
ukuthi into nje engahambi yodwa. Naye uthi ubona lezinto
ezabonwa u Mdunge. She asked me if I had a miscarriage ngathi
cha

(I swallow)

Me : Mhmmm

Lungile : She wants to help me.

Me : Ufuna Ukukusiza ngendoda yakhe? Aysuka udlala ngawe

Lungile. Maybe she is the one who is doing all these things
ngemithi yakhe
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mhlampe unifake isichitho
(She shakes her head)

Lungile : Cha. Uyintombazane elungile

Me : Wathatha indoda yakhe. Lungile forget about her

nalemisangano akutshela yona.

Lungile : I need help sisi. My life is falling apart. Ngizofa

Simtholile

(My heart breaks into a million pieces)

Me : Please don't…..

(Mlondi is screaming my name)

Mlondi : Sis Zamoh! Sis Zamoh!

Me : Yes

Mlondi : Come! Come!

Me : Aibo!....Ngiyabuya sisi

(I put down her porridge and walked out. Mlondi and my

mother are standing outside. They seem shocked)

Me : Kwenzenjani?

(I walk out to them.)

Me : What the…..

(Nqabayethu is standing outside our gate, next to a brand new

car)

Me : Nqaba
Nqabayethu : Good morning sthandwa sami.

(He throws me a car key)

Me : Nqaba what….

Nqabayethu : Your car.

(I scream. I don't care if my mom is watching. I scream and

neighbours start coming out of their houses one by one)

Me : Baby!

(I run to him and hug him)

Me : Thank you Nqaba, Ngiyabonga Manzini. Mah

senginemoto!!! Ziphi izitha zami?
(Nqabayethu is laughing)

Me : Baby can I?

Nqabayethu : Yes skhukh…

(He didn't finish. I get inside and run my hands over the red
leather seats. It smells so fresh, so new. I lower the window)

Me : Wozani Mah, woza Mlondi!!

(They are coming. God I'm so excited)

Nqabayethu : Sthandwa sami angihambe mina yabo? I'll see

you later

(My man, I've forgotten about my man. I get out of the car and
hug him again. He is laughing.)
Me : Nqabayethu thank you. This is…. Wow

Nqabayethu : It's okay skhukhukazi. I'll see you later

Me : Of course baby. Ungangilandi ngizozizela

(He laughs and walks away. I don't even know how he will go
home because I don't see his car here but he will be fine)

(My mother is now sitting in the front seat. I jumped to the

driver's seat)

Mlondi : Yo! Yo! A whole Mercedes? Ay inswempu imoto yakho

sisi wami

(My mother is not saying anything, she keeps looking all over
the car)

Me : Mah what do you think?

Mantwa : Mhmmm

Me : Mhmmm?

Mantwa : Nomzamo, ngiyijabulela kanjani imoto yemali yagazi?

What if he stole this car? What if lemoto ishiye kukhalwa lapho
isuka khona?
Me : Mah please
Mantwa : No! You can't take this car.
Me : Kanti yini ungafuni ukungibona ngijabule?
Mantwa : Ngijabulele ukuthi uzoboshwa? Mlondi let's go.
Asiphume kelemoto yamaginsa
Me : Hawu Mah
Mantwa : Kawu kah yani? Mlondi get out
Mlondi : Kodwa Mah
Mantwa : Phuma wena!!
29
(I got tired of running and called Mandy. She came to pick me
up, though she got lost for hours but she came to pick me up.
I'm in her flat. I've been here for the past two days. Nqabayethu
hasn't contacted me but I see him on Whatsapp and he seems
normal. He is posting those funny videos as usual. No, he is not
going to kill me. He can't kill his sister. I know that it's over
between us but I hope we can still get along. Mandy is speaking
to someone over the phone. The call is on a loudspeaker and
they are making noise.)

Mandy : She will die this time.

I just miss Nyathuko. Last night I went to his house but I found
Sthabile's parents. I had to pretend like Sthabile and I are
friends.

Mandy : Bitch please

(Oh she is speaking to Ashton. Whatever they are talking about,

I'm really not interested. I have bigger problems)
Ashton : I had no choice. They told me Sthabile was poisoned
blah blah blah

(They laugh)

Ashton : I only wanted to know where Thukeh was but they

kept telling me about their daughter

Mandy : You miss him, huh?

Ashton : I miss him so much bruh, so much that it's killing me.

Mandy : Don't worry in a few days he will be knocking on your

door.

Ashton : I don't know hey. I don't think he will ever come back
after everything that I did.
Mandy : Can't he see that you love him? He knows that love
makes us do crazy things. He married Sthabile for fuck sakes
and that was a crazy thing to do.

Ashton : He loves her, he genuinely loves her. Maybe I should

just leave him alone and move on with my life.

Mandy : Too late to move on, Sthabile is dying, baby and finally
you can have your man back. That house in Ballito will be all
yours very soon

(That Ashton bitch laughs)

Mandy : I'm being serious.

Ashton : I don't know, let's just wait and see

Mandy : Yeah right

Ashton : I need to go to work. I'll call you later

Mandy : Bye babes

Ashton : Mwah.

(Silence. I unlock my phone. I have thousands of missed calls

from my mother and Mlondi)

Mandy : Tholi!

Me : Gosh, sorry I thought you were still on the phone.

Mandy : No, slept well?

Me : I need to go home

Mandy : Is everything okay?

Me : Nothing is okay Mandy

Mandy : It's not the end of the world Tholi. Look, osisi nobhuti
bayakwazi ukuthanda. Kuthengwa imbuzi kugezwe ubuhlobo

Me : I'm surprised you know that

Mandy : Ngiyintombi yomzulu Simtholile. Anyway

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Sthabile is dead.

Me : What?

Mandy : Okay, she is not dead for now but she will die very
soon.

Mandy : Why do you hate Sthabile so much?

Mandy : She stole my friend's boyfriend

Me : If Nyathuko is so easy to steal then why is it so hard for
your friend to steal her man back from Sthabile?

Mandy : Because Sthabile is a witch

Me : Kwasho inkunzi yomthakathi

Mandy : Why do you love her so much?

Me : She is a good person and maybe that's why Nyathuko is so

crazy about her.

Mandy : She is not a good person

Me : Whatever. I'm going home

(I say and get out of bed)

Mandy : I'll drop you off

Me : Sure, thanks.

Mandy : Aren't you going to have breakfast before we go?

Me : No, I'm fine.

^
^
^
(As soon as I got home I locked myself in my bedroom. I hear
my door opening)

Ubuhleliphi?

Me : Oh no (I mutter)

Mantwa : Huh Nomzamo?

(I sit up)

Me : Why didn't you tell me that Nqabayethu's father is my

father?

(She swallows)

Me : Is that why you hated Nqabayethu? Ingoba

ubekukhumbuza isoka lakho?

Mantwa : Nomzamo, I'm still your mother.

Me : Sorry

(She sighs and sits down)

Mantwa : Mntanami ngiyaxolisa. I wanted to tell you but I

wanted to protect you at the same time.
Me : Sekwenzekile

Mantwa : Wathula Nomzamo sizishaya amakhanda ngengane

ekuthiwa yashona kodwa wazi kahle that you had an abortion.

Me : Awushongo ukuthi ngingalinge ngimithele u Nqabayethu?

Mantwa : Your sister almost died.

Me : She is fine now

Mantwa : Yes ngoba sesiyalazi iqiniso. Uthe uMdunge kumele

ugeze

Me : I know.

Mantwa : After you left, we managed to speak to Nqabayethu

and uvumile ukuthi uzoyenzela ingane umsebenzi futhi
bekugeze nawe and after that our lives will go back to normal.
Me : Normal?

(I chuckle)

Mantwa : U Nkosikhona uzimisele ukulungisa izinto phakathi

kwakhe nezingane zakhe.

Me : I don't need him Mah. Angimudingi loyo muntu, in fact

ngiyamuzonda. I'm fine without a father

Mantwa : Musa said the same thing. Yazi ngiyafunga u

Nkosikhona mhlazane efa uyofa eyedwa. Uyabona manje
lezinyembezi zalamantombazane ayewahlukumeza
useyaziphendula u Jehova. All his kids want nothing to do with
him.

Me : Ay nami ngiyabonga. Mhlampe ngiyolidinga usizo lakhe

ngelinye ilanga but for now, I'm fine.
Mantwa : Kodwa wena no Nqabayethu nidinga ukugeza.

Me : How was he Mah?

Mantwa : Nqabayethu?

Me : Mhmm-mhmm

(She sighs)

Mantwa : He was just quiet. Evuma yonke into eshiwoyo

Me : That's unlike him

Mantwa : He was shocked.

Me : I need to see him

Mantwa : What do you mean? Nomzamo awukwazi
ukuqhubeka uvulele umfowenu amathanga

Me : I know Mah! I just want to see him

(My phone rings. I look at the caller Id and my heart starts

beating faster.)

Me : Uyena

Mantwa : Answer your phone

(I jump out of bed and answer his call)

Me : Manzini

Nqabayethu : Did you kill my baby?

(Fuck!)
Me : Please hold…. Mah please excuse me

(My mother shakes her head and walks out)

Me : Nqabayethu, you were not ready to be a father and I

wasn't ready to be a mother. Engakwenza ngakwenzela thina
sobabili

Nqabayethu : Uwena manje osungithathela izinqumo?

Me : No! But ngangingeke ngikutshele. Nqabayethu I'm sorry,

I'm so sorry. Yes ngikuphuce ilungelo lokuba ubaba but
ngangingafuni ukukhulisa ingane ekhaya elihlale lizungezwe
izibhamu.

(Silence)

Me : Nqaba usekhona?
Nqabayethu : Yes, I'm here. Ay ngiyakuzwa Nomzamo

Me : Do you forgive me?

Nqabayethu : Wenza okwakulungele wena. Umzimba wakho

loyo mina angikwazi ukukutshela ukuthi wenzeni and stuff. I
wasn't going to judge you kuthiwa wahlala phansi wangibeka
esithombeni

Me : Ngangisaba Manzini

Nqabayethu : Angisona isilwane

(Who is he kidding?)

Nqabayethu : Abantu nje abangenza isilwane.

Me : I'm sorry
Nqabayethu : Asihlangane ksasa siringe.

Me : Are you serious?

Nqabayethu : Yeah. Ungafika ehontshini lami?

Me : I can even come now.

Nqabayethu : No, I'm not around. Ngizokutshela ukuthi

uzwakale nini.
Me : How about tomorrow ke?
(He sighs)
Nqabayethu : Fine, I'll call you.
Me : Nqabayethu I love you.
(Silence. I look at my phone screen. He hung up)
30
(Nqabayethu told me to meet him at his house at 17h00. I
finished cooking and got ready. At 15h00 I took a taxi. I'm
happy but nervous at the same time. His car is parked next to
mine. I missed my car. The door is closed so I knock. He opens
and smiles)

Me : Manzini

Nqabayethu : Come in.

(I walk in. Ayke! Zanokuhle is here watching TV. Why is this kid
here? Shit now I remember that his mother is in hospital but I
still don't get it. They are such a big family, I'm sure someone is
available to look after the kids but no, Nqabayethu is the one
babysitting)

Me : Hi Zanokuhle

Zanokuhle : Aunty!!
(He jumps and hugs me. Gosh! I'm not in the mood today.)

Me : I didn't know you were here

Nqabayethu : Ulandwe imina

Me : Oh

(I brush Zanokuhle's head)

Me : Unjani umawakhe?

Nqabayethu : She will be fine. Nyathuko will do anything to

save her

Me : What do you mean?

Nqabayethu : Uyamazi u Nyathuko.

Me : Oh

Nqabayethu : Sit down

Me : Thank you

(We sit in silence. Only Zanokuhle is watching TV)

Me : Unjani?

Nqabayethu : I'm fine

Me : Good.

Nqabayethu : Let's go and talk

Me : Where?
Nqabayethu : Ekamereni lami

Me : Okay

Nqabayethu : Boy, ngiyabuya, ngisakhuluma no Aunt

Zanokuhle : Okay uncle Nqaba

(Zanokuhle smiles. Nqabayethu kisses his forehead)

Nqabayethu : Ngiyabuya manje

Zanokuhle : Okay

(Nqabayethu takes the remote and increases the volume of the

TV)

Nqabayethu : Let's go skhukhukazi

(I smile and follow him. I missed him. He stops and I walk in
first. There is a chair. I've never seen this chair before. I raise
my brow and turn around. Nqabayethu is locking the door. I
start feeling nervous)

Me : Please don't lock the door

Nqabayethu : Why not?

(He puts the keys in his pockets. My heart starts racing like
crazy. Something is wrong here)

Me : Kuyashisa

Nqabayethu : Ngempela? sekushisa early kangaka?

Me : Nqabayethu I'm sorry. Ngithe ngiyaxolisa

Nqabayethu : I know. Sit down

Me : Nqaba I…..

Nqabayethu : I said sit down.

(I sit down and immediately I feel something on my ankles.

What the fuck? I can't move my feet.)

Me : Nqabayethu ngicela ungiqaqa I want to go home

Nqabayethu : You can't.

Me : Uzongenzani Nqabayethu, are you going to kill me?

(He smiles)

Nqabayethu : Maybe. Angazi ngizokwenzani Nomzamo but I

want you to feel ubuhlungu engabuzwa.
Me : I said I'm sorry

(I'm crying now)

Nqabayethu : Ngokwenza i abortion?

Me : Yes, ngiyaxolisa Manzini.

Nqabayethu : I don't care about the abortion.

Me : What?

(I try to stand up but I can't. I feel locked up in this bloody chair.

My hands are free but I can't move my lower body)

Nqabayethu : Yeah kodwa uyabazi ubuhlungu engabuzwa when

ungiqambela amanga, telling me that I'm the one who killed my
own baby, ungishaya ngalezinto zakho ezigcwele igazi? Do you
remember that day Nomzamo?
(My throat closes up. I feel like I'm burning)

Nqabayethu : Awusakhumbuli? Sasikhona la and wangibuka

emehlweni wangitshela ukuthi I killed my baby

Me : I'm sorry

Nqabayethu : Do you know how much that broke my heart?

Wangibulala ngiphila Nomzamo

Me : Nqabayethu I'm sorry

Nqabayethu : It's okay. You did what you had to do

Me : Oh

Nqabayethu : Yah.
Me : Ngiyeke ngihambe ke. Please let me go

Nqabayethu : No, you can't go before ngikuzwisa ubuhlungu

engabuzwa that day. Inxoso yakho kwakwiyona angithi
ukungibona ngizwa ibuhlungu?

Me : No

Nqabayethu : No, I understand. Nomzamo ayikaze yabalula

Impilo yami. Ngicabanga ukuthi nginegazi elimnyama because
no one ever loved me, even my own parents and I think
sengikhathele.

Me : What do you mean Nqabayethu? What do you mean

usukhathele?

Nqabayethu : Isiphi isizathu sami sokuphila?

Me : No, no, Nqabayethu I love you.

Nqabayethu : You don't, you don't love me.

(He opens his wardrobe and takes out his bag)

Me : What are you doing?

Nqabayethu : You'll see.

Me : Nqabayethu please.

(He takes out his gun. And

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no, those are not earphones. Those look like shooting earmuffs.
What is Nqabayethu doing?)

Me : What are you doing?

Nqabayethu : Wait here

(He unlocks the door)

Nqabayethu : My boy, come here.

(He calls Zanokuhle. He smiles and Zanokuhle walks in. He lifts

up Zanokuhle)

Nqabayethu : Uyakwazi uku actor?

(Zanokuhle giggles)

Zanokuhle : Like drama?

Nqabayethu : Yeah

Zanokuhle : I…

(He looks at me and frowns)

Zanokuhle : Is aunty crying?

Nqabayethu : No no no my boy. She is practicing, okay? We are

going to do a play

(Zanokuhle laughs)

Zanokuhle : A roleplay?

Nqabayethu : Something like that.

Me : Zano he….

(Nqabayethu glares at me. I keep quiet)

Zanokuhle : Okay

Nqabayethu : Skhukhukazi smile

(I fake a smile)

Nqabayethu : See? She is fine. Let's start

(Zanokuhle is so excited about this.)

Nqabayethu : Do you remember ukuthi ngathi ngizokufundisa

ukudubula?

Me : Nqabayethu no! No, no, no.

Nqabayethu : Don't mind her, she is practicing. Do you

remember?

Zanokuhle : Yes, yes uncle Nqaba!

(Zanokuhle jumps in excitement)

Nqabayethu : Today I'm going to teach you.

Zanokuhle : Today? Ngempela malume?

Nqabayethu : Yes, today. Right now, right here

Zanokuhle : But this is not a shooting range

Nqabayethu : Sobe sidlala okwamanje angithi? then ntambama

sihambe ke sesiya kwi shooting field.

Zanokuhle : Okay okay!

Me : No,no.

(Nqabayethu takes the shooting earmuffs and gives them to

Zanokuhle. Zanokuhle's smile widen)

Nqabayethu : Put them on my boy

(Zanokuhle puts them on)

Zanokuhle : There's music.

(Zanokuhle laughs while dancing)

Nqabayethu : Yes, Yes. Now listen to me. I'm going to give you
this gun. Where is the trigger?

Zanokuhle : Here

(Zanokuhle points at the trigger. I want to die right now)

Nqabayethu : Good boy. Now, we are going to do our play. I'm

going to cover your eyes first, okay?

Zanokuhle : Blindfold me?

Nqabayethu : Yes
Zanokuhle : Okay

(I'm trying so hard to get the hell out of this chair. Nqabayethu
keeps glaring at me)

Nqabayethu : I'm going to give you this gun. Hold it like this

(He helps Zanokuhle to hold the gun)

Nqabayethu : That's my boy. Now listen, as soon as the music

stops playing you will shoot. Do you understand?

Zanokuhle : Yes uncle Nqaba

(Zanokuhle smiles)

Nqabayethu : Put them on

(He puts on the shooting earmuffs. Nqabayethu takes a
blindfold and covers Zanokuhle's eyes)

Me : No, Nqabayethu please don't do it. Please don't

(Nqabayethu goes and stands in front of the gun)

Me : Zanokuhle! Zanokuhle don't shoot!

(I scream but I know he can't hear me. tears are streaming

down my face)

Me : Hawemah! Manzini please don't do this

(Nqabayethu reaches for some button while looking at me. He

positioned the gun to his head and clicked the button)

Me : Nqabayethu ungayenzi lento enganeni! Please don't!!!

Nqabayethu : Till we meet again.

Me : No!!!!

(Zanokuhle pulls the trigger)

Me : Nooooo!!!!!
-The End-
Me : Don't remove the blindfold Zanokuhle

(I try to sound calm as much as I can)

Me : Don't do it boy boy. It's all part of the roleplay. Don't break
the rules

Zanokuhle : Okay Aunty

(He can hear me now. Good. I finally got out of the chair.
Nqabayethu is lying in the pool of blood with a gunshot wound
on his forehead. I want to scream my lungs out. My knees are
shaking.)

Me : Ungavuli amehlo Zano, nami ngiwavalile, okay baby?

Zanokuhle : Okay
(I look around)

Me : Shit! Shit!

(I curse under my breath. I open the wardrobe and throw all

the clothes on the floor. I take Nqabayethu's body and put it
inside the wardrobe. I use the chair to close the wardrobe. I
spread all the clothes on the floor to hide all the blood. I clean
my hands and look around. I take a deep breath and uncover
Zanokuhle's eyes. He smiles and looks around)

Zanokuhle : Where is uncle Nqaba?

(There is a burning lump in my throat. I swallow)

Me : He… He…He… Zanokuhle when I opened my eyes, uncle

Nqaba was not here.

Zanokuhle : Oookay
(That was a long okay. His eyes move all around the house. He
seems confused. My heart is pounding. I'm sweating. I try to
pull out a smile)

Me : Why don't we go into the kitchen and eat while we wait

for uncle Nqaba? Huh, baby? Give me that gun

(I slowly take the gun from him. Someone is knocking. I'm going
to pee)

Me : Dammit!!

Zanokuhle : Aunty are you okay?

Me : Yes… I'm coming. Give me that

(I take the earmuffs and the blindfold)

Me : Now listen to me my boy. Don't tell anyone about our

roleplay, okay?
Zanokuhle : Okay

Me : Come with me

(I take a deep breath and open the door. Zanokuhle and I walk
out. I close the door)

Zanokuhle : Baba!

(I don't know this man. Zanokuhle jumps in excitement. The

man seems tired and drained.)

Ey boy

(The man says and lifts up Zanokuhle)

Me : Sawubona
Him : Ninjani sisi?

Me : Fine

Him : Are you okay?

(I blink rapidly)

Me : Yes, Yes I'm fine. How can I help you?

Him : Oh mina ngiwu Mkhuleko, ubaba ka Zanokuhle.

(Oh I've heard about Mkhuleko. He is Zanokuhle's uncle or

something. I don't remember well)

Me : Okay, uzolanda u Zano?

Mkhuleko : Yes, kuyaphuthuma.

Me : Where is Sthabile?

(He looks at Zanokuhle. Oh nkosiyami! I think Sthabile is dead)

Me : Oh my God

(I whisper)

Mkhuleko : Kubi kakhulu, we need to go to the hospital.

Me : Of course…. Uhmm his shoes. Let me look for his shoes.

(I look for Zanokuhle's shoes. I give them to Mkhuleko)

Mkhuleko : Sibonge kakhulu sisi wami

Me : No problem. Nihambe kahle

Zanokuhle : But uncle Nqabayethu said he would take me to
the hospital.

(I close my eyes and take a deep breath)

Me : Boy boy, uncle Nqabayethu is not here but ngizomutshela

eze esibhedlela mase efikile

Zanokuhle : Okay

Mkhuleko : Nisale kahle

Me : Thanks. bye

(As soon as they walk out I close the door and lock it. I run to
Nqabayethu's room and take his body out of the wardrobe. My
eyes widen like I'm seeing him for the first time. He died in
front of me and there was nothing that I could have done. I
scream while hitting his chest)
Me : Nqabayethu? Nqaba
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wake up… Baby? Manzini?

(I shake him roughly. Tears are raining down my face)

Me : Why Nqabayethu? Why? Nqaba!!!!!!!

(I bury my face in his chest. His hands are ice cold. He is gone. I
held him in my arms until it was dark. His phone has been
ringing non stop. I look at him. His eyes are still open. There is
someone at the door but I'm not going to open that door. I
close Nqabayethu's eyes and kiss him. I stand up. Whoever was
knocking is gone now. I put my hands over my head. I feel angry
now.)

Me : Uyigwala Nqabayethu, uyezwa? I thought you were

stronger than this but no! Ubu weak, u weak mahn Nqaba!
Wenzeni? Huh?

(I look at his body lying on the floor)

Me : Ngenzeni manje mina Nqabayethu?

(I bang the bed in frustration)

Me : Aaaaaaah!!!!!! Fuck! Fuck you Nqabayethu!

(I grab a blanket and wrap up his body)

Me : You wanted Sthabile's son to be like you? Huh? Ekhule

nalenzondo wena obunayo because of how you killed your own
sister? Uthi ingane ikhule kanjani yazi ukuthi yabulala umngani
ka baba wayo? Uyinja Nqabayethu!
(I punch him with tears running down my face)
Me : You bastard! How am I supposed to live without you?
(I squeeze my knees while rocking my body back and forth)
Me : Did you hate me that much? Ukuthi ungibonise lamanyala
ongibonise wona? Nqabayethu what have you done? What
about those kids? Who is going to take care of them? Those
people in Ghetto Legacy? What about them?
Ubungasenendaba angithi?
(I stand up and wipe my tears. It's dark now. I walk out and
check outside. It's quiet. I open his car and walk back in. I wear
his overalls. His body is heavy but I have to do this)
Me : Aaaaaaa!!
( I lift it up and carry it on my shoulder. I put it in the back seat.
I close the door and get inside his car. I drive off.)
(I drove to Ngoqokazi river but the river was not big enough.
Later I found myself in Verulam. I stayed in the car until
midnight. Minutes later I found myself standing on top of the
railway bridge in Verulam)
Me : Ngiyaxolisa Manzini but I have to do this. Zanokuhle is too
young, akakwazi ukuphila impilo yakhe yonke azi ukuthi
wabulala umuntu, umngani ka baba wakhe. I'm sorry and I
hope you died knowing that I love you so much baby.
(I let go of his body and watch it go all the way down. My love,
my Ghetto King. I never saw this one coming. I thought he was
strong but his last moments proved me wrong. I thought he
would kill me but no, Zanokuhle killed him. Nqabayethu's life
was taken by an 8 year old boy. What the fuck? This is insane
but you know what? No one will ever know what Zanokuhle
did. I'm taking this to the grave.)
(I drove back to his house. I took a bath and wore my clothes. I
poured petrol all around his house. I poured it inside his car and
mine. I finish and run down the gravel road. I sat on a big stone
and I heard people screaming. "There is fire!" "There is fire!")
Me : I'm sorry for everything. Gwabini, Manzini, Geda, Ncwane,
Nyama kayishi, Isha ngababhebhezeli. Wena owaphuma
ngenoni emgodoni. Sengwayo. Till we meet again sthandwa
senhliziyo yami. My Ghetto King.

……………………………………..The End………………………………………….

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