Why do people ghost?

Ghosting has become more prominent with the increased use of online communication,

social media, and dating apps. The definition of ghosting is when one person in a relationship

suddenly stops answering and replying, with no explanation as to why; they disappear and thus

become a ghost. Ghosting can occur in both friendships and romantic relationships, contrary to

what LeFrevre and Koessler believed. According to a study by Forrai, ghosting in a romantic

relationship can be predicted by an overwhelming and frequent amount of texting. In friendships,

the most important predictor is self-esteem problems (Forrai, 2023). The study states that

friendship ghosting has a bigger negative and long-term effect on the ghostee (the person

ghosted) and the ghoster (the person that ghosts) compared to romantic relationships.

Because of the rise of technology and the COVID-19 pandemic, in-person interactions

have decreased. Emotions like anger and sadness are easier to see through face-to-face

interaction, while in online situations, these feelings are not as obvious. The anonymity allowed

by technology and the diffusion of responsibility in an online environment causes the ghoster to

feel less guilty. With the increased use of dating apps, there are more opportunities for people to

interact with one another online, so the ghoster might justify their action by saying that the

ghostee can talk to someone else, decreasing their guilt.

Ghosting is a form of defense mechanism used by people with a fragile self-image so

they can avoid problematic situations. There are many reasons people resort to ghosting, but

most have to do with avoiding responsibility and not wanting to participate in difficult

conversations. For example, ghosters can fear confrontation and feel stressed and anxious when

facing a conflict, making ghosting a much safer option that causes little discomfort. People who

have trouble communicating might also have an increased fear of confrontation because they are
scared they won’t be able to communicate their feelings and thoughts, making the conversation

hard for both parties. If someone can’t end the situation respectfully, or can’t deal with

disagreements, they can avoid the conflict altogether by ghosting. Another reason for ghosting is

having an avoidant attachment style; this happens when people don’t have a strong bond with

their parents when they are young, which causes them to be extremely independent. So they don't

have to face emotional closeness, they can use ghosting to distance themselves more easily and

prevent bonds from happening. This is related to commitment issues, where someone could

struggle to develop strong relationships, and when they get overwhelmed, they might turn to

ghosting to escape commitment.

People with dark triad traits like narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy are

more likely to ghost others. They don't feel empathy for the situation of others and try to avoid

pain to themselves. Someone with low empathy doesn’t understand how their actions might

negatively affect others, so it’s easier for them to ghost. A study done by Jonason says that men

with Dark triad traits are more likely to be ok with ghosting in short-term relationships, and men

with Machiavellian and psychopathic traits find it acceptable to end any relationship by ghosting

(Jonason, 2021). He also concludes that the interpretation of the seriousness of the relationship

influences ghosting. The more the person cares about it, the less likely they are to use ghosting to

break up with someone. Ghosting likelihood also varies depending on mindset. Freedom

discovered that people who have a growth mindset and are willing to understand that

relationships take effort and communication are 38% less likely to think ghosting is acceptable,

but people with a fixed mindset (think the relationship is either doomed to fail or work out) are

63% more likely to participate in ghosting (Freedman, 2018).

 After ghosting, the ghoster might feel very differently when reflecting on their action

because it depends on each situation and reasoning. Narcissistic people might feel pride for

controlling a situation, others might feel nothing, while some feel relief for avoiding conflict.

When recalling the event, some people might regret how they handled the situation and wish

they’d taken more consideration for the other person and been more mature, especially if they

feel guilt by hurting and confusing someone else. When ending a relationship/friendship, it's

important to be honest and communicate with the other person to avoid negative consequences

instead of choosing the safest option: ghosting.

Word Count: 720

 References

Drescher, A. (2024, January 22). What ghosting says about you. Simply Psychology.

https://www.simplypsychology.org/reasons-youve-been-ghosted.html

Husain, W., Sadiqa, A., Zahid, E., Idrees, F., Ammar, A., Saif, Z., Trabelsi, K., Pandi-Perumal,

S., Seeman, M. V., & Jahrami, H. (2024). The Translation and Preliminary Validation of

the Ghosting Questionnaire in Urdu. European Journal of Investigation in Health,

Psychology and Education, 14 (3), 554. https://doi.org/10.3390/ejihpe14030037

Lateefa, R. D., Mariam, R. B., Perlmutter, G. Jahrami H., & Seeman, M. V. (2024). Ghosting:

Abandonment in the Digital Era. Encyclopedia, 4(1), 36.

https://doi.org/10.3390/encyclopedia4010004