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Till Death or Divorce

Do Us Apart…

By: MVELONHLE MYEZA

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And should he leave?

I can walk away with certainty that I gave it my all,
but his love…
was just not for me.
I call it a lesson learnt.
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Chapter 1: The Love of My Life

I cannot believe this, I am really getting married! Could this even be possible
that a 24 year old girl could deeply love to the extent of getting married?
I am happy with the way my life has turned out, I‟m a 24 year old qualified
chemical engineer marrying a 30 year old entrepreneur with no kids but much
love. I thought at this age I would be a career driven woman and want nothing
to do with marriage and love but just focus on being the best engineer ever, well
it all changed when I met my dear fiancé two years ago, Zwelibanzi Ngubane.
He is a loving man with so much care, very dominant and such a gentleman, I
met him two years ago when I was graduating for my Honours Degree and he
was there with his family to see their sister graduate as well, in medicine
though.
I saw him standing there with this black slim fit suit and he looked amazing, he
smelt good, really good, from a distance I could tell. A tall dark man (chocolate
dark might I add) who looked really good, he noticed I was staring at him and to
my surprise he came to me.
„What was I thinking staring at this guy; he‟s probably going to confront me
about it.‟ My mind was filled with many thoughts and I was scared to death but
distracted by his strange dominance, he had an intimidating look.
„Hello.‟ He said looking at me.
I was so scared I didn‟t know what to do or say I was just taken away by this
intimidating gentleman in front of me.
„Hi.‟ I replied smiling at him.
He looked at me with impression all over his face; he asked me a few questions
about myself and said we needed to do lunch some time and that I would fit his
“profile”, from there I picked up he is arrogant but it doesn‟t matter for now. I
froze he gave me butterflies just by looking at me. Could this be the love of my
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life? I thought to myself as he walked away to join his family, I guess the answer
is yes now that I know lol.
A lot happened and that‟s how we got to this point, marriage. I love him so
much he makes me happy in every way although he is very possessive and
wants to be in control but I respect him that much to be submissive to him. He
cares about me so much that anyone who messes with me has to deal with him
and his brothers, he is already building our house in Hilton and we are moving
in after we get married.
My parents like him a lot and I‟m happy with that, my mom calls him love and
my dad calls him son.
He is a very determined young man that has a lot of love. I like the fact that he
is a traditional man and loves God; we are Catholic by the way.
He is from Landskop in Pietermaritzburg. He first introduced me to his sisters
early last year, we went out for lunch and they are very nice and very pretty
though the youngest (Samkelo) is such a snob, the eldest (Nomusa), is very nice
and bubbly. Then there is Xolile she is middle aged but you‟d swear she was my
age, she is the prettiest and loves the flashy life we always go shopping together
and attend “get–together–parties” together, and she always forces me to attend
them with her.
When I got engaged last year in November he then introduced me to his parents
and his 3 brothers, they are a very warm and exuberant bunch though the
brothers are intimidating especially the eldest Ndlalifa. His parents were pleased
with me being their daughter–in–law and last year I was invited to their family
gathering in Landskop.
******
Today is Monday and I am going to pick up my wedding gown from the
Wedding‟s Boutique in Durban and my sister Nokwazi and my mom are
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accompanying me. I have never seen my mom so happy, I am getting married

with no child (still a virgin might I add), she couldn‟t be happier. My dad is
somewhere getting a cow to be slaughtered on Friday. It‟s just Nokwazi and I,
I‟m the eldest. Well actually I am the second born our brother Nkazimulo
passed away a year ago which leaves me to be the eldest.
*PHONE CALL*
„Hello maNgubane,‟ he says with a smile on his face, I know he has a smile on
his face because he likes calling me by his surname.
„Hello, how are you?‟ I say trying to contain my blushing because my mom is in
the car with me.
„I am okay sthandwa Sami, have you picked up your dress love?‟ he asks.
„I am on my way there love, my mom and Nokwazi are with me.‟ I say to him.
„Okay love, I was checking up on you. Enjoy your day and I hope that dress is
sexy, I can‟t wait to see you in it.‟ He says flirting a little. I cannot stop the
laughing my mom will have to forgive me.
„Bye love. Ngiyakuthanda Salusiwe and I cannot wait to make you my wife.‟ I
cannot say I love him too because my mom will start looking at me like I am
disrespecting her so I just settle for, „Thank you Banzi, I will see you on the big
day. Bye.‟
We arrive at the Wedding‟s Boutique and they are already waiting for me.
„I hope my dress is ready for picking up.‟ I say hugging the owner of the shop
–she is my newly found friend. My fiancé was willing to pay 15 000 for my gown
to be made so she started befriending me because I am spending a lot of money
in her shop and concluded that I have a rich husband, not many people buy such
expensive gowns.
She brings it already in a hanger and it looks so beautiful, I hope my mom
doesn‟t cry when I put it on.
„Would you like to fit it again?‟ the shop assistant asks.
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„Yes please.‟ I say following her to the fitting room. I come back out to my
mom, Nokwazi and my “friend” 10 minutes later. I can see tears fill up mom‟s
eyes and she is making me cry. They all look mesmerized and speech less, I walk
up to the mirror in front of me. Priceless look on my face, I am pleased with
myself choosing this dress. I had it tailored from scratch since the shop didn‟t
have any of its kind in store. It‟s a mermaid type of dress with an open back
right till the bottom of my spine and it is half sleeved (lace), the lace goes right
up to my bust area covering the sweet heart neckline. It is clean white and it
holds me tight right till my knees and then it opens till it forms a tail. It comes
with a veil that reaches the bottom of butt covering my open back.
„You look amazing my child.‟ My mom says wiping her tears.
„Thank you ma,‟ I‟m also getting emotional.
„Your husband will be more than happy to see you walking down the aisle
looking like that girl!‟ it could only be Nokwazi, I am happy they are happy with
my dress.
It‟s packed in a big black box with a white fluffy ribbon and we leave the store
in minutes. After that we do lunch at Olives & Oil, my mom‟s treat.
„How I wish Nkazimulo was here to share this moment with us.‟ I say eating
my salad.
„He is with us Salusiwe, it may not be physically but he is here with us
spiritually, for you and trust me he is more than happy to see you getting
married.‟ Mom says comforting me. When she said “to see you” I couldn‟t stop
the tears from falling. He can‟t see me or at least I can‟t see him.
„I want him here with me I want to see and touch him. I know he would be
torturing Banzi about everything because he wouldn‟t want to let me go but ma
he is not here and I want him here but I can‟t share this moment with him.‟
Okay I am breaking down in a public restaurant and these people are looking at
me but I don‟t care right now I am emotional.
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My sister comes over to my side of the table, hugs me and wipes my tears.
„I know how much you and Nkazimulo were close but you need to understand
that although you can‟t see him he can see you and he is with you experiencing
this joy with us trust me, he is so happy to see you getting married. I am sure he
will walk you down the aisle with daddy alongside. Everything will be okay
Salusiwe.‟ She wipes my tears and moves to her side.
______
I had a long day today, I went to check up on the décor at church and at the
reception for the big day tomorrow, thereafter I picked up the cake. I get home
and I am so tired I just go straight to my bedroom and throw myself on top of
my bed.
I think I dozed off as I am woken up by noise of many people; some are singing
some are laughing. Well my family is very loud, they don‟t talk they scream,
and they have arrived for the big day tomorrow plus today we are slaughtering
the cow.
„Wake up!!! What kind of bride is this?‟ It would only be aunt‟Deliwe with the
loudest voice ever. „Your in–laws will demand their lobola back sis if you sleep
all day!‟ she never talks properly she always screams on top of her voice. I laugh
and follow her to the lounge. I am more than happy to see my family together
happy and all, it gives me a fuzzy feeling inside. I look around to see who is here
and who is not, everyone is here happy and celebrating.
My uncles are all gathered in one corner drinking and reminiscing about things
that happened years ago, some are arguing about who was able to do a better job
at raising me up. My aunts are in the kitchen all over the house up and about
preparing I don‟t know what because I told my caterers to take care of
everything, even the traditional food. The kids are playing in the streets outside
the gate and making unnecessary noise. My mom is boasting to everyone that I
am marrying a rich man, Banzi is not rich he is just a successful young man.
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Aunt‟Deliwe keeps saying he must do his husband duties by buying groceries for
her, really!
I will tell Banzi about all this talk after the wedding hype is over.
I am very big on family and to see everyone together in one place makes me
happy, everyone is here even the evil aunts that said no man will want to marry
a snob like me are here. The uncles that didn‟t want me visiting their house
because they say, I am “miss know it all” are here. The nasty cousins are also
here, pretending to like me because they want my husband‟s money. Everyone is
gathered here to cherish this special moment with me but just one person is
missing, my brother.
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Chapter 2: Becoming Mrs. Ngubane

Today is my wedding day! I woke up at 5:00am and started preparing for the
day. I don‟t want to be one of those late brides. My soon–to–be husband called
me when I woke up telling me how excited he is that today we are officially
getting married. I can‟t wait to see him; we haven‟t seen each other for the whole
week. We ran our errands separately because we are not supposed to see each
other till the big day, talk about culture.
Well my girls came in at 6:00am and we are all getting ready, the wedding is at
10:30am.
I have 5 bride‟s maids, my three friends Sanelisiwe, Kharease and Anele, my
sister as my maid of honour and Banzi‟s sister Xolile, yes we are that close. My
mom walks in the room with the prettiest smile on her face, she sits on top of
my bed and brushes my wedding gown.
„You remind me of myself when I got married to your father.‟
I smile, „I do, how mommy?‟ I ask.
„You look beautiful, calm as I was and nervously excited.‟ She smiles and holds
my hand.
„Ma I could never be as pretty as you are, you‟re messing with me here.‟ I laugh.
My mom is gorgeous, caramel in complexion and has a dimple on her left chick.
She has fresh skin with absolutely no mark or blemish. She‟s got shoulder length
hair and always has a smile on her face which makes her even prettier.
„Could you please give us 10 minutes my child?‟ She says to my make–up lady.
„Salusiwe you are going to leave my house in a few hours, I want you to know
that you are always welcome home no matter what happens remember you
always have a home, okay. We didn‟t chase you away.‟ She says.
I see tears in her eyes. She is hurt that I am leaving her house, now it‟s just
going to be her, daddy and Nokwazi.
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„Please don‟t cry mama or I will start crying as well.‟ I say to her.
„Today you will officially become part of the Ngubane family and with that
please my child, don‟t forget about us your Ngcobo family, we love you and we
wish you the best in your marriage life.‟ She cries as she says this.
„Ma I will never ever forget about you, you raised me up and you made me the
woman I am today,‟ I am also crying now.
„I love you, all of you but now you have to let me go mama. Allow me to grow
on my own and build my own family on the same foundation you built ours on.‟
I see a smile on her face as I say this.
„I knew this day would come but I didn‟t expect it to be so soon Salusiwe, well
either way you will always be my precious daughter and I give you my full
blessings to be part of the Ngubane clan.‟ We both smile.
„Thank you ma, I promise I will do you proud.‟ I stand up and hug her.
„You better!‟ she laughs and leaves the room.
The time is 10:45 and we are ready to leave for the matrimonial. My dad is
giving me the final blessing to leave the house. The whole family is gathered in
the lounge and praying, my mind is not here I am asking myself many
questions. Am I doing the right thing? “Leaving my family at such a young age,
will I be able to cope without my mom I mean I am only 24 and I am getting
married, am I even fit for marriage at this age?” I keep asking myself if I am
doing the right thing. I take a deep breath and make my way out as my daddy
escorts me out the house to my soon–to–be husband‟s car, it‟s a matt black Range
Rover. His youngest uncle is driving us. As I make my way out hearing people
singing „uthe ubhuti asizomlanda” I cannot hold my tears back any longer, I cry
as I get in the car leaving everything and everyone I‟ve ever known behind.
When we reach the church St. Albert in Durban, I can see the groom‟s men
standing together, looking stunning with their navy blue tuxedos and brown
shoes, brown shoes are life! I immediately find Banzi with my eyes; he is
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standing with his dad on the far end of the church. He looks amazing I think to
myself, he is wearing a black tuxedo; there is just something about a black man
in a black suite. He turns to my direction when he sees his car coming in, he
knows I am here but I stay with my dad in the car while we wait for everyone to
go inside the church.
Minutes later everyone is seated and my entourage has walked down and they
are facing the direction I am going to walk in. I take a deep breath.
„Are you ready?‟ my dad.
„Yes, I am.‟ I hold him tighter.
He takes my veil and covers my face. I am now ready to become Mrs. Ngubane.
„I love you dear.‟ He says as we walk up the stairs leading us inside the church. I
can hear the piano and the violin all playing the 1+1 instrumentals by Beyoncé.
I appear in the long passage making my way down the aisle. The look on his
face is priceless, he wants to smile and cry at the same time. Even though I have
this veil covering my face our eyes are locked together. This is probably the
longest passage I have ever had to walk on! We reach the front of the aisle and
my dad hands me over to him, „Thank you Bab‟Ngcobo.‟ He says with a smile.
He grabs my hand and holds it tight as the Priest starts with the matrimony.
We have to say our vows now, okay me first:
„I will show you appreciation, dedication and submission; I will forever be true to you. I
will value and respect what you say and not only will I be loyal to you but also patient
with you. I will keep it how it is so you could never say how it used to be.‟
As I say these vows I can see tears in his eyes.
„You are the shelter to my soul my fire when I am cold. I got to show you and beneath
you, you are the air that I breathe to survive and my sun doesn‟t shine without you. You
don‟t have to try so hard for me to love you because you had me at hello; I am not
promising to be the perfect wife Mbovu, but to be the best in all that I am and to love and
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support you with all my might. I love you and I will always love you not even death will
do us apart.‟
I smile and look at him. He has tears running down his cheeks. He said to me he
won‟t cry, I can‟t wait to rub it in his face that he cried. Now it‟s his turn to vow
that he will no matter what stick with me:
„If I don‟t have anything I know I got you. If I don‟t have something I don‟t care because
I got it with you. I don‟t know much but I know that I have you and you have me, that is
all we will have when the world is through because we got nothing but love for each
other. For I was sure of you to you a sure I am, from a room full of doubts to a room full
of trust doubts do not exist for we trust each other. For what we do to what we will for
the will is there to the love that‟s here. For each other, to each other, in each other
without others. Ngiyakuthanda maNgcobo and no one can take that away, therefore I
promise to love you to care for you and to always make you happy.‟
I can‟t hold my tears I just cry and he takes his handkerchief and wipes my tears
with it, the crowd goes “Nchoo” we both laugh and continue with the service. In
a matter of minutes we are pronounced as Mr and Mrs Ngubane! I couldn‟t be
happier. We then leave the church to take pictures while everyone heads for the
reception.

______

Both my wedding days are over and I am sleeping at the Ngubane house for 1
week, it should be three months but they said they will give me one week which
is fine by me because my “husband” and I are opening our new house in Hilton
next month. Today I planned on waking up early and do my wifely duties
starting by preparing breakfast for the whole family.
As I am scrambling eggs and preparing an English breakfast for “my family”, I
can feel a shadow upon me like someone is standing somewhere and watching
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over me. Indeed there is someone, it is my husband! He is standing on the

corner of the kitchen and the dining room with his legs crossed at his ankles and
arms folded with a smile on his face.
„Sawubona Mbovu.‟ I say boiling some water.
„Sthandwa sami. You have no idea how much I have anticipated this day to
come.‟ He says coming closer to my direction.
„What day?‟ I say deliberately.
„I mean the day where I get to wake up in the morning and find the love of my
life in my mom‟s kitchen preparing breakfast.‟ He leans closer.
„The day has come love.‟ I say to him giving him an assuring look.
Instead of him answering me, he just pushes me to the kitchen counter and lifts
me up to sit on it, my legs are spread across and his body is in between them, I
experience a tingling feeling. He gives me passionate neck kisses and then our
lips meet. He stops to look at me and when I open my eyes he smiles, he‟s got
the sexiest cutest smile ever! Those vampire teeth just add on everything.
„Mrs Ngubane‟ he says. „I love you okay, and I will never ever leave you.‟ He
kisses my forehead and leaves me alone in the kitchen.
The whole family gathers for breakfast and they complement my cooking skills,
if only they knew, at least my breakfast tastes good though, even Zweli says that
is my speciality and I should stick to it, dinner he will take care of.

Later during the day I‟m only left with Amahle –Zweli‟s niece.
She is such a sweet little girl and we get along well, she told me she likes me
more than she likes her mom because her mom just shouts for no reason, I allow
her to do whatever she wants. She even once mentioned that when I get a house
she wants to live with me because her mom annoys her, lol. Amahle is 11 years
old but the stories she has are way older than her! Although she‟s a spoilt brat
she‟s still a loveable child, her dad (Zweli‟s brother Ntsika) treats her like an
expensive piece of glass that can break at any time; she goes to one of those
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fancy private schools (Wickham Collegiate)in Montross and has a room big
enough to be a lounge. She looks very cute, she‟s chubby and has long hair and
she is average height, she has braces they make her look even cuter.
„When are you getting your child aunt Salusiwe?‟ she asks randomly.
„I don‟t know, why?‟ I smile.
„I think you would make a cool mom.‟ I feel a little fuzzy feeling inside as she
says this.
„You are beautiful and loving, friendly as well and you love children.‟ She adds
on.
„Thank you Mahle, I will have children once I am ready to.‟ I say.
„When will you be ready?‟ she asks. I am perplexed by this question,
„When uncle Zweli is ready.‟ I say.
„I heard uncle Zweli say he wants to have children now, he was speaking to my
dad and gogo last night.‟ She says.
„Mahle I don‟t think it‟s a good thing for you to listen to adults talk.‟ I look at
her.
„But why don‟t you want to have children aunt Salusiwe?‟ I need someone to
walk in now and save me from this.
„I want to have children angel but not now, at a later stage I will.‟ I say patting
her back.
„But what if you die before you have children, uncle Zweli will be devastated
because he said he is getting older not younger so he wants to have children
now.‟ She turns and looks at me; her innocent eyes are saying something.
At that moment her dad walks in picks her up and tells her to go and get a bike,
they are going for a ride.
„We‟ll see you later Salu, we‟re going to the garage.‟ He says.
„Okay.‟ –Me.
I can‟t help but think about what Amahle just said to me, my husband really
wants to have children now but I am not ready to. What if one of us dies before
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I bear a child for him though? I will regret this for the rest of my life. Amahle
was right! I need to fall pregnant soon.

Zweli came late from work today, he said they are having business dinner at his
workplace –there is something I don‟t like about “business dinners” but we will
talk about that later. He walks in our bedroom just when I was about to get in
bed, he looks tired and sleepy but he is so sexy when he is sleepy, hmmm wait
until he speaks.

„How did the dinner go love?‟ I ask helping him take off his clothes.
„It went well, met a few people who are interested in doing business with me
and I might just score myself a tender, again.‟ He says with no excitement.
„That‟s great love.‟ I say kissing him on his lips.

He goes to the bathroom and comes back minutes later and I am already in bed
with my side lamp turned off. I feel a heavy weight upon me and before I know
it he is kissing my whole body. I just decide to comply, this guy wants kids. He
starts moaning and I can feel that we are about to have sex, I am terrified and I
don‟t know what to do so I start panicking –I am still a virgin remember!
„What‟s wrong love?‟ he says in my ear. That tickles.
„I am scared; I don‟t know what to do.‟ I say to him.
„But you are my wife you shouldn‟t fear anything. I am here for you‟ he says
touching me gently.
„But I am still a virgin Zweli and I don‟t know what to do and what not to do.‟ I
say shamefully moving away from him.
„Sthandwa sami I am your husband and you shouldn‟t worry about anything,
anything at all. I love you and I want to make love to you, just relax you don‟t
have to do anything I will do everything. It‟s about time we break that
virginity.‟ He says fondling with my breasts and suddenly his whole body is on
top of me. Okay I think I‟m about to become a woman, lol.
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He touches my body so gently and passionately. He puts my legs on his

shoulders and starts kissing my thighs right to my part. He got a fist full of my
hair and pulling it as he goes inside me, this feels nice but painful. I‟ve never felt
so good, he got my body trembling and feeling involuntary, I will never be the
same once he is done with me.

I wake up in the morning feeling like brand new woman. I open my eyes to find
Zweli staring at me with a huge smile on his face.
„Good morning Mrs Ngubane.‟ He says.
„Good morning Mr Ngubane.‟ I reply with a smile too. He kisses my whole
body before we wake up.
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Chapter 3: To New Beginnings

*House Warming Party Pending*
I am inviting people for our house warming party. Yes we are finally opening
our house in Hilton on Saturday and I can‟t wait to have my own space with my
husband.
We moved in our house on Thursday and we called our Parish Priest on that
Monday to bless our home before we moved in. We go to St Mary‟s in PMB
now. This house already feels like a home and I have only been here for 2 days. I
am staring blankly at the wall in the lounge when Zweli says, „It needs about 4
or 5 children to make it feel like home.‟
„What! 5???‟ I say laughing.
„Yes love, I want many children so that they won‟t get bored.‟ He says.
„Thanks but no thanks Banzi, 3 kids will be just fine.‟ I say leaving him there.
„We‟ll see about that.‟ He sounds confident as he says this. I might just have to
tie my tubes without his knowledge.
Saturday morning and we are officially opening our house. It‟s in Hilton, 08th
Avenue Old Road. Banzi wanted us to have a double story but I entirely
disapproved and insisted on just a big house.
12:30 and people are already arriving for our house warming party. First Ntsika
and his wife Zanele arrived along with their exuberant child Mahle. Then it was
Ndlalifa with his family of 5, along with that non–smiling wife of his. I don‟t
know what is wrong with Nonhlanhla she never smiles she is always serious
and so straight forward. She gives me the creeps, I don‟t like being around her. I
am happy people came to support us in our gathering although I am seeing
unusual faces.
Wait–wait–wait!!! Who is this now? What the hell is he doing here? Who the
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heck invited this guy! My mood just dropped from a 100 to a 0 real quick. Why
is he coming my direction, I don‟t want to see his face, let alone talk to him.
„Hello.‟ He says with a smile.
I just stare blankly at him. This is Themba my ex–boyfriend from university,
our relationship didn‟t end on good terms. I loved this guy and I was always
there for him but what did he do, he chose Maya, his current girlfriend. I don‟t
know what he is doing here because as much as I remember he said he never
wanted to see me again because I‟m a wrecker and I am nothing but a b**h who
is useless and can‟t satisfy his needs as a man. I hate this guy with all my might
but I must say our relationship was the best compared to the other ex‟s. We
dated for 2 years and broke up when I was doing my 3rd year, he met Maya then.
„What the hell are you doing here?‟ I ask angrily.
„I was invited by Samkelo, she said her brother was opening a house in Hilton
and I should come. We are close friends remember. What are you doing here?‟
he asks.
„This is my house Themba! I would really appreciate it if you left now.‟ I say to
him.
He looks shocked as I am saying this; he doesn‟t seem to believe what I just said
to him.
„Don‟t joke Salusiwe, how can this be your house?‟ he asks.
„You do know that Zweli recently married right?‟ I ask him and he seems to nod.
„Well Themba allow me to re–introduce myself, I am Mrs Zweli Ngubane.‟ I
show him my ring.
He is flabbergasted by all this and I just stand there and portray a fake smile. I
am enjoying this moment; the look on his face is priceless.
„But how is that even possible??‟ he asks.
„Could you kindly leave my house? I don‟t ever want to see you near me or this
house are we clear.‟ –Me.
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„When did you become this mean Salu?‟ –Themba.

„The last time I checked you wanted nothing to do with me, so do yourself a
favour and leave my house now!‟ I‟m getting annoyed and shouting now.
„Babe is everything okay here?‟ –Zweli.
„Yes love. Themba meet my husband Zweli. Zweli this is my friend from
Varsity Themba.‟ –Me.
„Nice to meet you bro.‟ –Zweli says handshaking Themba.
„Same here man. Take care of her she‟s a very nice girl.‟ –Themba.
Why is Themba saying this, he does know I‟m not going to look at him twice
now right. I hope he does.
„She‟s too good of a woman bro and I am the luckiest man alive to have such a
wonderful girl by my side. I feel sorry for her ex–boyfriends.‟ –Zweli.
I am so glad Zweli just said that, he pulls me closer to him and kisses my
forehead.
„Well I was on my way out, all the best for your marriage guys.‟ –Themba.
I can tell that didn‟t come from a good place. He looks at me with a face I can‟t
understand and leaves.
Whew! Good riddance.
______
Today I am meeting up with my girlfriends for lunch at the Farmer‟s Daughter
in Howick. I cannot wait to see them, the last we saw each other was on my
house warming party. I can‟t wait to find out about Nelly‟s new boyfriend –she
changes her men like she changes her shoes! Anele and I have been in touch so I
am aware of everything in her life right now. She got engaged 2 weeks ago, I
can‟t wait to hear about that. Then there is Kharease who loves alcohol, I know
she‟ll be updating me about the new wine in store.
 P a g e | 20

„Babe I don‟t think I will be able to take you to Howick, I‟m working.‟ Zweli
says. „It is okay love I will ask Nelly to pick me up on her way here.‟ I say giving
him water. Every morning before he eats he drinks water then goes for a jog and
then eats. Talk about being healthy.
„No love that will not happen. Take one of my cars.‟ –Zweli.
„Oh thanks love. I will take the BMW.‟ I say.
I know there was no way he was going to agree with me taking his Range Rover,
never!
„There was no way you were getting my Rover.‟ He says and leaves me there.
See I told you.
******
I arrive in Howick at 12:35 and Nelly is already there –she is always early. She
has picked a table for us and ordered some cocktails. „Hello!‟ I say with a huge
smile, she stands up to give me a hug.
„Hey, how have you been?‟ –Nelly.
„I have been good, just figuring out my things having moved to a new home.‟
–Me.
„How is it…oh my god like owning you‟re a house in Hilton, marrying at 24?‟
–Nelly.
„It was overwhelming at first but as time goes by I am getting used to it.‟ –Me.
Just as we are having this conversation the bubbly alcoholic Kharease arrives.
She recently bought a car (Hyundai ix 35) so she goes to all the parties, I really
don‟t know how she wakes up on Monday feeling sober and goes to work.
„Hello–hello.‟ She says giving both of us hugs.
„How are you Kharease?‟ –Me.
„Girl I have been so busy!‟ –Kharease.
„By busy perhaps you mean you have been going to all the parties in the
 P a g e | 21

country?‟ –Nelly.
Well this times no Nelly. I am looking for a house now.‟ –Kharease.
„Huh.‟ –Me.
„Yes babes. You getting married and Anele getting engaged made me realise that
I need to get my life in order and start looking for my knight in shining armour
as well.‟ –Kharease.
„Kharease is everything okay? Did you have your glass of wine today?‟ –Nelly.
„I am fine, just a bit more focused.‟ –Kharease.
„Well I am glad you getting your things together now.‟ –Me.
Anele arrives 30 minutes later. She is always late and it is not even a surprise to
us anymore. I can‟t wait to hear about the perfect proposal.
„Sanibona.‟ She says grabbing a sit.
„Hey. How are you?‟ –Nelly &Kharease.
„I am good, how is marriage life so far?‟ she turns to look at me.
„Everything is great, my husband is just wonderful and I‟m getting to know
things about him that I didn‟t know about.‟ –Me.
„And you Mrs engaged…tell us all about it.‟ –Kharease.
I can see a smile in Anele‟s face as she hears Kharease say this; love is such a
beautiful thing. Anele and I are really close friends and we have been friends
since grade 11. I was the first person she told when Sizwe went down on his
knee. Sizwe is one of Zweli‟s good friends as well.
„Let me order another round of drinks before you start.‟ –Kharease.
„Tell us everything in detail.‟ –Nelly.
„So on Saturday on my way home from work I got a call from Sizwe telling me
to go to his house and when I arrive there someone will take me to a certain
place. I arrive at his house and his car is not there, I go in I find a note with a
bunch of flowers written “make your way to the bedroom”, so I go to his
bedroom and I find this amazingly stunning dress on his bed with a nice pair of
 P a g e | 22

shoes and some expensive cologne. There is another note “put this on and make
your way outside”, I do just as the note says.‟ –Anele.
Our drinks come as she tells the story; Kharease is so concentrated she even
forgot she ordered wine.
„Continue!‟ –Nelly.
„I go outside I find his Mercedes parked outside but someone else comes out.
He tells me he has been ordered to pick me up, so I just cooperate although I
have so many questions to ask. We go to a place I don‟t even know and it‟s at
night so I can‟t even see where I am, but there were beautiful lights there. This
guy tells me to just follow the stairway until I reach the end of the hallway, I do
as he says. When I get there at what seems like a balcony I find Sizwe standing
there with a glass of whiskey looking drop dead handsome. He smiles and
compliments me, I can hear our song playing and thereafter a whole band comes
out to us to play/sing. He joins them as they all sing “Let‟s Get Married” by
Jagged Edge.‟ –Anele.
„I am getting emotional and I don‟t know why.‟ –Nelly.
„He then went down on his knee and asked me to make him the happiest man
alive by becoming his wife.‟ –Anele.
The three of us congratulate her and we ask to see her ring. That is not even a
ring…that‟s a rock! We go on with our lunch and continue to gossip, and laugh
about Kharease‟s sudden change. We also plan a December vacation to
Mauritius with our significant others, I still have to convince Zweli to agree. I
am glad my friends and I got nice jobs because we are able to do and afford
things some people can‟t. Anele is a Doctor, Nelly is a Pharmacist, Kharease is a
Charted Accountant and I am a Chemical Engineer.
******
I get back home to find my husband in a good mood. He has prepared dinner
with candles and all.
 P a g e | 23

„I think you could do with a warm bath.‟ He says.

„Yes babe I really need to relax my body.‟ I reply making way to our bedroom.
He is right behind me with the naughtiest smile on his face, I enter the room
and there are rose pallets on our bed and on the floor just when I was still
shocked by all this, I feel my body weakening as Zweli kisses my ear all the way
down to my neck. He unbuttons my shirt and drops it on the floor, I also
remove his t–shit and those muscles are showing. The one thing leads to the
other and I am left with just my black lace under wear that has put him on his
knees. He holds on my butt and kisses my stomach and abdomen area until he
drops my panties to the floor and starts kissing my part and licking my clitoris. I
feel weak and my body is trembling on his as he does all of this. Before I know it
we‟re on our bed and he is on top of me grinding on my body and groaning at
the same time. He opens my legs wide and I can feel him come in me, he pushes
in harder and harder until I have my nails in his skin scratching his back, he is
pulling my hair and giving me endless sensual kisses and love bites.
We are done. I must say this is the best sex we‟ve had! It was slow and
passionate.
„I think I will be joining you on that bath babe.‟ He says.
We are both laying there naked with my head on his chest and his hand on my
back; my legs are separated by his which puts me in between his.
„We should probably go now before the food gets cold.‟ I say.
„But I love having you in my arms like this love. Now I have to let you go.‟
–Zweli.
„Well I need that bath! See me in the bathroom if you want to.‟ I say standing up
and going to our en–suit bathroom. He immediately follows me, lol this guy.
______
I wake up in the morning feeling sick. I am vomiting and a bit dizzy. I don‟t
think I will even go to work today.
 P a g e | 24

„Sthandwa sami I will pick you up during lunch time so we can go to the doctor.‟
–Zweli.
„Okay love. Now go to work before you late.‟ I say.
„Love if you need anything I am just a phone call away okay.‟ –Zweli.
„Okay sthandwa Sami. Bye.‟ I say getting irritated, why doesn‟t he want to leave
now!
Zweli and I arrive at the doctor‟s by 15:00. I hate going to the doctor there is
something about their rooms that make me feel even sicker. I refused to go see
on of Zweli‟s doctor; Mr Radebe has been my doctor ever since so he has good
history about my health.
„Mrs Ngubane, how can I help you today?‟ with a smile in his face. This man is
so kind he is always smiling.
„My wife has been feeling tired lately, dizzy and this morning she was
vomiting.‟ –Zweli.
Why is this idiot answering for me…is he also Mrs Ngubane now? Okay why
am I getting irritated?
„Dizzy and vomiting, that could only mean one thing.‟ –Doctor.
Mr Radebe suggests I do an ultra–sound scan because all signs lead to one thing.
He comes back 10 minutes later with the results on his hand. „I am pleased to
announce that you going to be a mommy!
Oh my God I am pregnant, I am happy and sad at the same time, and I am
going to be a mommy!
„Babe, you are going to be a dad!!‟ I say grabbing Banzi‟s hand. He is so excited
about this he can‟t stop kissing me and rubbing my tummy. „Thank you my
love.‟ That is all he says.
On our way back home he keeps looking at my stomach and smiling, I am
happy about my pregnancy and my mom will be happier.
 P a g e | 25

We get home and the moment we step foot in the house he is on the phone
telling everyone about my pregnancy. He is so happy and I am glad I did fall
pregnant now, I am more glad I had that conversation with Amahle; she‟ll be
over the moon when she finds out. By the way she‟s visiting this Friday.
„I cannot wait to know the baby‟s gender love.‟ He says excitedly sitting next to
me.
„I am hoping it is a boy.‟ I reply.
„I don‟t really care as long as I have a child, be it is a girl or a boy.‟ He says
rubbing my feet.
I wake up on a Sunday morning to find many people making loud noise in my
house, what‟s up with these Ngubane sons, shouldn‟t they be in church or
something with their wives. As I make my way down the passage to the kitchen
I can see all the Ngubane brothers standing tall in MY kitchen, Ndlalifa in MY
fridge doing I don‟t know what, Ntsika is comfortably sitting on MY counter
with a can of Hunter‟s in his hand and Bhekifa making food on MY stove
without My knowledge and this husband of Mine is laughing like nothing is
wrong. What‟s wrong with these people!
They are all looking at my tummy as I approach them, so I‟m guessing Banzi
told them the news already.
„Maka Sgubhu!‟ Ntsika says.
„WHAT! My child will not be called Sgubhu!‟ Zweli says defending his
son/daughter.
„Sanibona.‟ –Me, as I join them in the kitchen.
„Makoti we are taking your husband today.‟ –Bhekifa.
„Taking him where?‟ I ask immediately.
„Nowhere important, relax he‟ll be back before you know it.‟ –Ndlalifa.
I can‟t question any further Ndlalifa has spoken and I am scared of this man so I
choose to say something else.
„Ntsika weren‟t you supposed to bring Mahle on Friday to visit?‟ –Me.
 P a g e | 26

„I was but her mom took her to Durban to visit her grandma. Sorry for not
informing you.‟ –Ntsika.
I just nod and leave them to whatever they were doing in the kitchen. Banzi
noticed I am annoyed –I was not even smiling when they called my unborn
child Sgubhu, so that‟s why he followed me to our bedroom.
„Sthandwa sami are you okay?‟ he says walking in.
„What are your brothers doing here!?‟ I am not even looking at him.
„Love they came to fetch me. We are going somewhere.‟ He answers.
„Perhaps you forgot to tell me that I would wake up to find a bunch of grown
men helping themselves in my kitchen and making the loudest noise just to
fetch you to go somewhere unimportant!‟ I am angry now; I am making our bed
as I am shouting.
„Sthandwa I am sorry about the noise and I also didn‟t know they were coming,
I just got a call from Ntsika saying I must be ready by 9:00am …‟ –Zweli.
„Stop right there!‟ I say interrupting him from explaining.
„Hamba, and don‟t come back please!‟ I say throwing a pillow at him.
He laughs and leaves me to my moodiness „Ngiyakuthanda!‟ he screams on his
way out –these hormones are kicking in now. As they are leaving my house now
with my kitchen messy, Ndlalifa comes to our bedroom and says,
„Congratulations on your pregnancy sis. I know you will make a great mom.‟
And he leaves like that without waiting for my response –this guy is weird and
creepy.
______
Today I have a doctor‟s appointment and I will find out the baby‟s gender. I
have been dreading this for 2 months because Banzi and I have been betting on it
so I don‟t want to lose, but I am 5 months pregnant now and I need to know the
baby‟s gender so Banzi and I can start setting up the Nursery.
Zweli is accompanying me today because he wants us to experience the moment
 P a g e | 27

together; my appointment is at 13:30. I think my tummy suits me even Zweli

said I look hot with it he also said he likes the way I dress now that I am
pregnant –I don‟t know what that was supposed to mean but I‟ll leave it at that.
Today I am wearing a long dark green maxi dress that is an off the shoulder
design, it complements my skin colour well because I am fair. I have this long
light brown weave that Zweli bought for me.
„Hello.‟ –Zweli.
„Mr Ngubane, I suppose you are here for the 13:30 appointment?‟ –Receptionist.
„Yes we are.‟ –Zweli.
„Okay please take a seat the doctor will be with you shortly.‟ –Receptionist.
Zweli has turned into this gentle guy since he found out I am pregnant, he
touches me softly and ensures I don‟t do any hard chores, he even hired a maid
for the 9 months period. Even now, before I sat on these office couches, he
placed two cushions for me to lean on so my back will be comfortable. I am not
complaining though but just amazed. We are waiting for this doctor for more
than 10 minutes now, I am getting frustrated and irritable but this gentleman
next to me notices and just starts rubbing my tummy to keep me calm. Zweli
loves this child I can tell just by the way he rubs my belly and smiles.
„You may go in.‟ the receptionist shouts.
„Mr and Mrs Ngubane, you are here for your monthly check–ups right? I hope
today we are finding out the gender Mrs Ngubane.‟ The doctor says smiling at
me.
„No matter what, today is the day sir.‟ –Zweli.
„Are you also Mrs Ngubane? Why are you answering for me?‟ –Me.
„Sthandwa just settle down, I know the waiting made you angry.‟ –Zweli.
„I am pregnant Zweli; I can still speak for myself!‟ –Me.
„It‟s the hormones.‟ The doctor whispers.
„You have no idea what I have to deal with.‟ –Zweli.
 P a g e | 28

Why are they speaking about me like I am not here, so disrespectful. Well the
doctor conducts the ultra sound scan and BOOM he drops the baby‟s gender.
„Brace yourself, the scan shows that it is a baby GIRL!!‟ he says excitedly. Zweli
and I are both pleased with the baby‟s gender and we can‟t wait to let our
families know about it. He was looking forward to raising a baby girl so I guess
he wins the bet.
I get home and I call my mom.
„Hello mommy!‟ –Me.
„Hello my angel, how are you?‟ –Mom.
„I am good ma. Today Zweli and I went to see our gynea and we got to know the
baby‟s gender.‟ –Me.
„Tell me don‟t any waste time!‟ –Mom.
„Well ma it seems you and dad will have a granddaughter, it‟s a baby girl ma.‟
–Me.
„Nchoo that‟s wonderful, I am happy for you and Zwelibanzi. I am sure he is
over the moon with excitement.‟ –Mom.
„I am telling you ma! As we speak he has already called in people to deliver a
baby cot and some pant for the Nursery and I mean like we only found out the
gender an hour ago.‟ –Me.
„He is excited, even with your dad when he found out we were having a baby
girl. Nkazimulo was left behind when you were born. Let him enjoy this
moment Salu he may never get the chance again.‟ –Mom.
„Yeah that‟s right ma, I am happy with everything, he is already thinking of
names ma!‟ –Me.
„That is so sweet, congratulations angel.‟ –Mom laughs.
„Thanks mom. Bye.‟ –Me.
„Bye–bye.‟ –Mom.
 P a g e | 29

Chapter 4: My Bundle of Joy!

„Wake up!‟ someone is screaming at my door.
„What is it now?‟ I answer furiously.
„Salu wake up you know we‟ve got a long day ahead of us.‟ Oh it‟s my sister
Nokwazi.
She slept over yesterday because she wanted us to go buy things for when I‟m
due. Well it‟s not far till I reach my due date, it‟s just a month away.
„Wake up sis; we still have to go and do our hairs remember!‟ –Nokwazi.
„Fine I am coming.‟ I get out the bed. „You didn‟t have to scream like a mad cow
though.‟ I say going to the lounge.
„Good morning Salusiwe.‟ –Nokwazi.
„Nxi, where is my husband? Today is Saturday he is not working so where is
he?‟ I ask.
„He said he went to Landskop he‟ll be back before noon.‟ She answers.
„He went to Landskop? He didn‟t tell me about this trip‟ –Me.
„Maybe he did you‟ve forgotten.‟ –Nokwazi.
„Maybe he did.‟ –Me.
My husband would not have gone to Landskop without my knowledge, no
something is up here. I smell a rat, but for now I will comply I will ask him
when he returns.
Later during the day after Kwazi and I are done with the shopping for baby
essentials and our hair is done we head for lunch. I wanted us to go to Mugg &
Bean but she insisted we go to World‟s View. As we approach the gate I can see
my husband‟s Range Rover parked next to my mom‟s car and some other
familiar cars.
„What are we doing here Kwazi?‟ –Me, I‟ve picked that something‟s up.
„We came here to have lunch of course.‟ –Kwazi.
 P a g e | 30

„I am not stupid okay, what is ma and Banzi‟s cars doing here?‟ I ask.
„I guess they also came here to have lunch Salusiwe, this is a public place
remember.‟ She says.
We get off the car and we walk to a direction I am not familiar with, and we
pass through a forest of tress and thereafter we go into a room that takes us to
the outside patio. As we walk to this patio I see a lot of people I know and they
all scream “SURPRISE!” as they see me. They threw me a baby shower and I
know my sister was behind this. I am ordered to sit on a big pink stool couch
and they gave me a sash written “mommy to be”. No wonder Kwazi told me to
wear something pink to match with the theme, smart. Everyone close to Banzi
and I are here and they all look happy, I‟m guessing everyone knew about this
except me.
„Who did this?‟ I ask with teary eyes.
„I am sure you think it was me but actually your husband was behind everything
dear.‟ –Kwazi.
„How can Banzi pull such a thing without raising any suspicions? Where the
hell is he?‟ –Me.
I am really pleased with my husband‟s work he went all out. Just as I am talking
with my friends I see Zweli approaching with a big cake on his hands, he is also
wearing a sash written “daddy to be”. I see a smile on his face when he sees me
sitting on this enormous chair.
„Sthandwa sami, I am sorry for leaving you in the morning I had to run some
errands.‟ He says kissing my forehead.
„I can see, but you are forgiven love.‟ –Me.
„Are you happy?‟ –Zweli.
„I am more than happy love! How did you even manage to do this Banzi? I am
impressed, thank you love.‟ I say hugging him.
„You know I would do anything for you sthandwa.‟ He says holding me tighter
to his chest.
 P a g e | 31

Well my baby shower is going well and everything looks amazing I am also
receiving nice gifts. Anele bought me a car seat, Nelly bought me a pram, my
mom got baby blankets and my sister got me a baby bath tub, there are many
things.
„When are you due if you don‟t mind me asking?‟ Nonhlanhla asks. This
woman is so intimidating.
„Next month. Mid–September I think.‟ –Me.
„Prepare yourself for the contractions.‟ She says and leaves. What is wrong with
this woman, Ndlalifa married a weirdo.
I am tired now and I want to go to my house NOW. Being crowded by all these
people is overwhelming now, I am also seeing Zweli‟s colleagues and I know
exactly how they feel about me.
„Can I please go now Zweli?‟ –Me.
„You want to go now?‟ –Zweli. Dah I just said that.
„Yes please.‟ –Me.
„Okay.‟ –Zweli.
„If you still want to chill here it is okay you can, I will ask mommy or Kwazi to
take me home.‟ –Me. Apparently I am not allowed to drive on my own.
„No I will take you home. You can go to the car I will meet you there. Who will
bring the BMW?‟ –Zweli.
„Nokwazi is sleeping over today as well, she‟ll come with it.‟ –Me. This guy and
his cars, I need to get my own car now.
„Okay. Let‟s go.‟ –Zweli.
„Kwazi please pack everything when everyone is done, Zweli will come back to
help you carry things.‟ I say as I get in the car.
„Okay no problem.‟ She says and carries on with socializing.
______
00:00 is the time and I have woken up several times to pee, Zweli is even up
 P a g e | 32

because I don‟t want to be up alone. I am feeling a discomfort in my abdomen

area and my lower back hurts. I am sweating and I don‟t know why, I seemed to
have fallen asleep but I woke up when I noticed the bed sheets are wet.
„Zweli wake up! Zwelibanzi wake up!‟ I say shaking him.
„Salusiwe please sleep.‟ –Zweli.
„Zweli the bed sheets are wet.‟ I say. He immediately jumps off the bed and
switches on the bedroom lights.
„Are you okay?‟ –Zweli.
„My water broke Banzi. We need to get to the hospital now.‟ I say trying to
wake up.
„Are you serious babe?‟ he asks.
„No I am joking! Of course I am serious.‟ I shout.
„This is no time for jokes Salusiwe, get dressed I will go wake up Mam‟Ngcobo.‟
He leaves the room. They come back in and I am still struggling to get up and
put on my robe. I haven‟t experienced any contractions it‟s just my back that
hurts. „Ma can you please pack all the necessary baby staff.‟ I say trying to get
up. „Aaaaaah!‟ I scream.
„Are you okay my love?‟ I think you should lie down.‟ –Zweli.
My contractions start on our way to Life Private Hospital in Hilton. I can see
Zweli is panicking and he doesn‟t know what to do, it‟s a good thing I have my
mom here with me or else Zweli would have fainted already. I am rushed to the
maternity ward and left there with my mom and Zweli, he hasn‟t let go of my
hand since we got here. He is sweating more than I am which makes me laugh,
but these pains have me on lock down.
„Ma did you tell dad and Kwazi that I am in hospital?‟ I ask.
„No let me go tell them now.‟ –Mom.
„Please tell me you will be fine love. I hate seeing you in pain.‟ –Zweli.
„I am fine love, in a few hours all of this will be done.‟ – Me assuring Banzi.
2 hours later Kwazi, Dad and Xolile come in to find me screaming and hitting
 P a g e | 33

Banzi for no reason.

„Sisi wami.‟ –Xolile.
„Xolile she‟s been screaming nonstop I don‟t know what to do.‟ –Zweli says with
tears filling up his eyes.
„It will be over soon bhuti.‟ –Xolile.
Hours later around 05:00 I am now due for delivery, Banzi insists to go in the
ward with me. The doctor and nurses here keep telling me to push, they hit my
thighs which make me scream even harder but I have my husband‟s support. He
has been standing next to me and holding my hand throughout, he keeps
whispering everything will be fine in my ear. After about 10 more pushes I feel a
huge relief and I hear a tiny loud cry, my daughter. I see a smile on Banzi‟s face
as he holds our daughter in his arms and kisses her forehead.
„Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Ngubane. You delivered a perfectly healthy baby
girl.‟ –Doctor.
„Thank you doctor.‟ –Zweli. I don‟t even have the energy to speak.
„I will leave the nurses to clean up on everything and move you to the maternity
ward, and then you will be able to hold your baby.‟ He says with a smile.
„Okay.‟ –Me.
About an hour later I am moved to the maternity ward, my family is there
alongside with my husband. The nurse brings our precious daughter; we still
have to name her.
„Have you thought of any names?‟ mom asks.
„Zweli and dad will name her.‟ I say smiling.
„I will love you no matter what angel, you mean the world to me and I am
grateful to have you. You look beautiful just like your mom. Ntandokayise
Ngubane.‟ Zweli says with satisfaction, I can tell he is happy and she will
definitely be intandokayise.
„That is a beautiful name and I love it.‟ –Me.
 P a g e | 34

„I can tell she will be a spoilt brat just by the name.‟ –Kwazi, we all laugh.
„Dad it‟s your turn to name her.‟ –Me.
„I see success as I am looking at her, I see prosperity and fulfillment. She will
bring nothing but joy to our family therefore, I name her: Uzanokuhle.‟ –Dad
says as he holds her in his arms.
Funny how I haven‟t held her but everyone else has.
„Ntandokayise Uzanokuhle Ngubane.‟ –Zweli.
„I love these names, thank you for naming her.‟ –Me.
My dad hands her over to me, the first time I am holding my daughter in my
arms, and she is so precious tiny and cute. She has her dad‟s lips and I can tell
her eyes will be small like Zweli‟s as well, but she has my complexion at least. I
hold her close to my chest and while my eyes were fixed on her, I realised Zweli
was taking pictures of us. I am so content at this moment and I will do anything
for my daughter, she is my bundle of joy.
Ntandokayise Uzanokuhle Ngubane
3rd of September 2017
„Wake up Salu!‟ Oh I fell asleep, I can tell that is Nelly‟s voice.
„Wake up girl; we want to see the princess.‟ –Kharease.
„Hello, (sighs) where is everyone?‟ –Me.
„We don‟t know and where is the baby?‟ –Anele.
„The nurse will bring her.‟ –Me.
I feel so tired and my body hurts but at least I am going home tomorrow.
Zweli‟s family said they will come to see the baby when she is home, after a
month –something about culture.
„Here she comes.‟ I say as the nurse walks in with Ntando in her arms. She is
wrapped in a pink crotchet blanket my mom made for me while I was pregnant.
„Nchoo she looks cute already.‟ –Kharease.
„Kharease you haven‟t even touched the baby.‟ –Nelly, we laugh.
 P a g e | 35

„I know but just seeing the blanket makes me happy.‟ –Kharease.

„So what‟s her name?‟ as Anele holds her.
„Banzi named her Ntandokayise and my dad named her Uzanokuhle.‟ I say
smiling.
„Those are really beautiful and unique names.‟ –Nelly.
„The meaning behind them is even more beautiful.‟ –Me.
******
Today I am going home; Zweli came here sooner than expected. I am only being
discharged at 11:00 and it is only 9:45 now. I went to take a bath and as I walked
back to my ward, I find Zweli holding Ntando up to his chest and patting her
back saying “shhh”, I think she was crying. This moment makes me want to
melt, he held her in such a comfortable gesture and constantly rubbing her back.
„You‟re already a professional at this love.‟ I say smiling.
„I didn‟t see you there.‟ –Zweli.
„This is beautiful.‟ –Me.
„Thank my you love. For everything you have done.‟ he kisses me.
„What about everything I am still going to do?‟ I say pushing him aside. He
laughs and pushes me back.
We arrive home and I go straight to our bedroom to sleep, Zweli said he‟ll keep
an eye on Ntando. I can‟t even walk properly these stitches are bad.
______
There is a family gathering in Landskop this Saturday; I guess that‟s when the
Ngubane‟s are going to meet Ntando, either way they are doing a welcome
ceremony for her that day as well. My family was also invited but I doubt my
dad will come, he is such an introvert he never leaves the house, but mom and
Kwazi will be there for sure.
 P a g e | 36

„Are you prepared for Saturday love?‟ Zweli comes behind me in the kitchen. I
am making trying to squeeze the milk off my breast. He laughs as he notices I
am struggling and offers to help.
„Yes I am but there is no way you are cutting my child‟s pinky finger!‟ I say
firmly.
The Zulu culture dictates that everyone who is part of the Ngubane clan must
cut their pinky finger, but Zweli didn‟t do that so there is no way my daughter‟s
finger is being cut off.
„Sthandwa Sami you know either way we will do it, whether you approve or not,
it‟s culture.‟ –Zweli.
„Please repeat that.‟ I say sarcastically. „That is not happening Zwelibanzi; no
one is chopping off Ntando‟s finger!‟ I look at him in the eyes.
„Why are you against it so much Salusiwe!?‟ he asks angrily.
„If it is culture Zweli and it is compulsory than why is your pinky finger not
chopped off…exactly!‟ –Me.
„Salusiwe I told you that I was too old when my family thought of doing it so I
couldn‟t. But Ntando is young and obliged to do so.‟ –Zweli.
„Obliged you say?‟ I say that statement in a way that frightens him.
„Salusiwe come on.‟ –Zweli.
„Zweli for as long as you still have your finger there is absolutely no way
Ntando‟s finger is being cut off. Unless you go cut off yours now, maybe then
we can talk.‟ I say as I leave.
„Salu…‟ he follows me.
„Case closed Banzi!‟ –Me.
******
Friday evening and we are leaving for Landskop, the ceremony is tomorrow but
we have to come the day before due to the ancestral ceremony. My daughter will
be welcomed in the family this evening and I hope Zweli has come to his senses
 P a g e | 37

because I haven‟t changed my mind.

„Do you think we should take the pram with us babe?‟ –Zweli.
„No I don‟t think so; she‟s still too young to sit in a pram. The car seat is fine.‟
–Me.
„Okay can we go now or else we‟ll arrive late.‟ –Zweli.
We make our way out to the drive way with Ntando in his arms, today we are
traveling by his BMW. I look like a real wife from the rural today; I am wearing
a long dark blue dress with a black doek covering my weave and just a crotchet
jersey.
We arrive in Landskop around 17:30 and half the family is already there. I can
spot Nonhlanhla doing her wifely duties already. Marrying the first born of the
family is quiet demanding hey. „Sanibona.‟ I say smiling to the brothers outside.
Zweli rushes for Ntando.
„We hope you are prepared for what‟s going to happen in a few hours.‟ –Bhekifa.
I know what they are talking about but I don‟t protest I just smile and walk
away. I can hear Zweli and his brothers talking behind me about the matter as I
walked away, he better tell them now that nothing will be happening. I can‟t
have people rejoicing over my daughter‟s finger. Never!
„Zweli I suggest you inform your brothers now about my decision.‟ I say as he
walks in our bedroom. He puts Ntando on the bed,
„I will tell them later Salusiwe.‟
„I just thought it would be better if they knew before the hype even starts.‟ –Me.
„I said I will tell them later!‟ he shouts and leaves the room.
Everyone meets the baby and they are all rejoicing and welcoming her. They all
want to hold her at once, these people. I somehow feel left out here, the brothers
are all gathered in one place outside where they opened the fire, and the sisters
are with their mom in the lounge talking about things I have no idea about.
 P a g e | 38

Nonhlanhla, Zandile and Zanele are in the kitchen preparing dinner, I am

supposed to be with them because we are all the wives of this family but I don‟t
fit in, they are like so old and I am only 24. I am sitting alone in a chair outside
where my mind is wondering to places far away from here.
„She is asleep; I think you should take her to bed.‟ A male voice behind me says.
I turn around in such a shock to find this well–built young man standing behind
me with Ntando in his arms.
„Oh thank you, you can give her to me I will take her to bed.‟ I say.
He hands me the baby and on his way back he stops and turns back,
„Are you okay?‟ he asks.
„Yes I am you just gave me a fright that‟s all.‟ I say standing up to go put
Ntando in bed.
„I am sorry I did not mean to.‟ –Him.
„Not to be rude or anything but I don‟t think I know you, are you also part of
this family?‟ I ask weirdly.
„(Laughs) Yes I am. You wouldn‟t know me because I live in Cape Town. I was
told about you but unfortunately I couldn‟t come to your wedding due to work. I
am Zweli‟s cousin, Nqobani is the name.‟ he says.
„It‟s nice to meet you Nqobani. I am Salusiwe.‟ I reach for a handshake. He
laughs and shakes my hand. He looks somehow like Zweli but only thinner and
younger, maybe he‟s about my age or slightly older. He offers to take Ntando to
bed with me; he‟s a nice young man I can tell.
„So what do you do in Cape Town?‟ I ask.
„I work for Blue Skies Nuclear Company. I‟m an engineer basically.‟ –Nqobani.
„Oh Banzi once mentioned to me that he has a cousin who‟s an engineer, I guess
he was talking about you. Well I also work as a Chemical Engineer.‟ –Me.
„Yeah he was talking about me. That‟s great to know, we should start our own
company someday hey.‟ He says laughing.
 P a g e | 39

Oh he‟s also got those vampire teeth and a dimple as well. Wait why am
noticing these things about him?
„Someday not now, I still have to get my PhD first.‟ I say laughing.
Zweli walks in just as we are staring in each other‟s eyes and laughing.
„Nqobani, what are you doing in my room?‟ he says. I noticed his smile faded
immediately when Banzi walked in.
„Love he was helping me put Ntando in bed. She fell asleep in his arms.‟ I say
saving him from Zweli‟s tantrums.
„Okay thank you Nqobani you can go now.‟ –Zweli.
What‟s wrong with this guy, he left me to be alone and now that someone is
keeping me company he‟s getting angry, Nxi.
„You okay?‟ –Zweli.
„Yes I am fine.‟ I say leaving the bedroom.
******
The next day, the kids are not home thank Ntsika and Nqobani for taking them
out. Those kids can be a handful! Zweli is in our room with putting Ntando to
sleep and everyone else is minding their own business. I am sitting at the back
veranda just contemplating on life.
„Can we talk?‟ Ndlalifa appears from behind me, he grabs a chair and sits.
„Talk about what?‟ –Me.
„I was not pleased with the way you conducted yourself yesterday.‟ –Ndlalifa.
„I am listening.‟ I am catching feelings now and I am getting annoyed.
„You know that anyone who is part of our clan has to do the cultural practice of
cutting off their finger.‟ –Ndlalifa.
„I understand culture bhut‟Ndlalifa but I cannot understand why my daughter
has to do that yet her father has all five fingers. Therefore, I am sorry but I can‟t
allow any of you to cut off Ntando‟s finger, I even explained that to Zweli.‟
–Me.
 P a g e | 40

„I am sure he explained to you as to why he has all his fingers. Then why won‟t
you comply?‟ –Ndlalifa.
„With all due respect bhuti Ndlalifa, I will not allow you to chop off Ntando‟s
finger, I don‟t care if it is culture or not but for as long as I live that will not be
happening and not just with Ntando but with all my children still to come.‟
–Me.
I stand up and leave after that.
 P a g e | 41

Chapter 5: The Beginning of My Misery

In a few days‟ time it will be Christmas and my daughter is 3 months old, she‟s
trying to crawl now. We are having Christmas at Bhekifa and Zandile‟s house,
we are expected to arrive the day before for Christmas Eve but Zweli and I will
sleep at a Lodge, it will be too crowded and the rooms might even be limited for
the entire family. I can say I am looking forward to spending time with
Nqobani, he is such a nice gentleman, we are the same age well just slightly
older than me but we get along very well.
*PHONE CALL*
I can‟t recognize this number and it‟s not saved in my contacts but either way I
answer.
„Hello.‟ –Me.
„Hi, how are you? This is Themba by the way.‟ –Themba.
„Themba! Where the hell did you get my number?‟ –Me.
What does he want from me? I am done with him.
„Please don‟t hang up Salusiwe.‟ –Themba.
„What do you want from me?‟ –Me.
„I want to see you.‟ –Themba.
„That will not happen forget it. You said you are done and want nothing to do
with me, I am sorry but you will not be seeing me.‟ –Me.
„It is just for old time‟s sake Salu. Also there‟s something I want to talk to you
about.‟ –Themba.
„As we speak I am on my way to Mhlanga Rocks for Christmas with my
husband‟s family, so do yourself a favor and forget about me. Thank you and
bye.‟ I drop off the phone.
I turn around to find Zweli standing at our bedroom door with his arms folded
 P a g e | 42

and legs crossed at his ankles, I wonder how long he‟s been standing there and if
he heard our whole conversation I am having a mini heart attack. He just stares
at me and I also freeze and just look at him.
„Is someone giving you problems?‟ –Zweli.
„No love.‟ –Me.
„So why should that person forget about you?‟ –Zweli.
„Love it‟s just an old friend and our friendship didn‟t end on good terms so she
was hoping we could meet up for lunch and talk but I want nothing to do with
her.‟ –Me.
„Mhmm.‟ –Zweli.
I bet he doesn‟t believe a word I just said. Jeez this Themba guy is going to cause
problems for Banzi and I. Nxi. He needs to focus on Maya his girlfriend he left
me for.
******
Thursday evening and we are leaving for Durban and this will be my first
Christmas without my family. I am so used to my routine of waking up on
Christmas morning going to church with mommy, daddy and Kwazi but this
year things are different, I will wake up at a lodge and have lunch with people
who make me feel awkward…the story of my life.
We arrive at uMhlanga Rocks around 18:15 and we go check–in at the Mhlanga
Plaza Road Lodge to leave our bags and thereafter we make way to Bhekifa‟s for
Christmas Eve.
Nothing makes me happier than seeing family together, I can spot Xolile
messing around with Ndlalifa and they get along very well those two. Then
there is the brothers setting up the braai stand with the kids running around
everywhere, everyone else is seated on camp chairs with half empty glasses of
juice, this family doesn‟t drink in front of kids. As soon as Banzi parks the car
he rushes to his sisters and gives them hugs and off to his brothers, he forgets
 P a g e | 43

about me for as long as he‟s with his siblings and I am used to it now. I am very
big on family.
Nqobani comes to me and takes Ntando from me and puts her with the other
toddlers of the family, my poor daughter shame she can‟t even crawl but
Nqobani left her on the grass alone, the other kids are jumping up and down and
she‟s just sitting there looking at them, I am surprised she‟s not crying. He
comes back with two chairs and we both sit near where the youngest children
are playing.
„So did you think about my business proposal?‟ –Nqobani.
„Nqobani I told we cannot do that now, I need to figure myself out first. But you
can start I will meet you along the way.‟ –Me.
„No I will wait till you ready. Ngubane and sons…I can only imagine‟ –Nqobani.
We both laugh at this fantasy.
Everyone seems to be happy and content but unfortunately it is time to go for
me and Banzi, we will see everyone tomorrow when we prepare for Christmas
lunch with the other wives.
******
I woke up first today and I ordered a light meal for Banzi and me before we go
to Bhekifa‟s house. Zweli wakes up about 30 minutes later and comes to the
lounge where I am sitting.
„Good morning love.‟ –Him.
„Good morning. Merry Christmas babe.‟ –Me.
„Merry Christmas to you too.‟ –Zweli.
He takes his breakfast and sits next to me.
„So have you started bonding with any of my siblings?‟ –Zweli.
„So far it‟s only Nqobani I got to chill with.‟ –Me.
„I noticed you guys get along well, so today you will be bonding with the elder
wives because you have to cook with them.‟ –Him.
 P a g e | 44

„I know and I am dreading that but I have no choice. Nonhlanhla and Zandile
are just too old for me to hang out with and Zanele is moody.‟ –Me.
„Okay love when you are done with your cooking I will sit with you.‟ –Him.
„That‟s better.‟ I say standing up to get myself ready.
So later on Banzi and I arrive at Bhekifa‟s house, and to my surprise the wives
have already started with the cooking so I guess I will do all the salads.
After an hour of preparing this food the whole family gathers to have Christmas
lunch and later on we are opening presents. Zweli and I are sitting next to each
other with Ntando on his lap, Nqobani is seated opposite me and he keeps
giving me looks I can‟t understand but I just avoid making eye contact with
him. Lunch is done
and everyone has gotten back to doing whatever they were doing before, I clean
up the dining table and make way to the kitchen to wash the dishes. I can see
Banzi through the glass wall playing with Ntando as I wash the dishes, he loves
kids too much. Soon I will have to give him another child. My thoughts are
interrupted by this strong shadow standing upon me; I turn around to find
Nqobani standing at the door looking at me. This guy is starting to freak me out.
„You need help with the dishes?‟ –Nqobani.
„Not really but thank you for the offer.‟ –Me.
„Does Zweli know how lucky he is to have you as his wife; you are everything a
man can ever hope for.‟ –Nqobani.
I don‟t know why we are having this conversation here and now, I turn around
to the glass wall and I can‟t spot Zweli anymore.
„I think he knows. Thank you.‟ –Me.
„I hope when I decide to settle down I will find a beautiful…‟ as he says this I
can see Zweli walking in and he stops at the door when he sees Nqobani.
„…talented, opinionated and well–mannered woman like you.‟ Nqobani says
with a smile and leans forward to my direction.
 P a g e | 45

Banzi clears his throat and walks in. Nqobani gets the shock of his life when he
sees him standing there.
„Can you give me and Salu some space please Nqobani.‟ –Zweli.
I can tell he‟s angry.
„Sure.‟ He says and leaves.
„Get Ntando‟s stuff we are leaving, now!‟ he says as he look at me.
„Why are we leaving so soon love?‟ –Me.
„I said get Ntando‟s stuff we are leaving now, don‟t ask any questions. You‟ll
meet me in the car.‟ –Zweli.
I guess Nqobani‟s statement upset him; I don‟t like Zweli when he is angry, he
becomes cold and scary I need to talk to him when we get home. This is not how
I imagined closing off my Christmas day.
The ride back home is so intense and awkward, Banzi is not holding my hand
like he usually does when drive together, he is not even making eye contact and
his face is stiff, I can tell that he is pressing his jaws tight together. There is
absolute silence, no one is talking the baby is not even making noise and the
radio is off, things are serious and I don‟t know what happened.
Well I guess I will have to wait till we get home so he can tell me what pissed
him off so much, for now I just wonder.
I wake up in the middle of the night and to my surprise Banzi is not in bed. I
immediately rush to the lounge and the kitchen and he is nowhere to be found so
I decide to go out to the garage and check if his car is in. The Ranger is in but the
BMW is not in the garage, this is rather strange. I am getting scared and I am
panicking. I get inside the house and try to call him but he doesn‟t answer the
phone so I decide to call his brother:
„Hello.‟ –Ntsika.
 P a g e | 46

„Hi Ntsika I am sorry to worry but do you have any idea where your brother
may be? Or maybe are you guys together?‟ I ask.
„Salusiwe… (Clears throat) No I don‟t know where Zweli is, I last spoke to him
yesterday when you guys left, were you guys fighting?‟ –Ntsika.
„No we were not fighting but he seemed angry about something but he didn‟t
want to talk about it, so I just woke up to go check on Ntando and he was not in
bed. I have tried calling his phone but no answer.‟ I feel like crying.
„Okay I will try and call him and get back to you.‟ He says.
What if something happens to my husband what will I do! I can‟t sleep so I
decide to go to the lounge and wait for him there with the hope that he will walk
in any minute. It‟s a good thing that Ntando is fast asleep and not crying
tonight.
I am woken by the rays of the sun shining through the lounge glass wall; I fell
asleep on the couch. I walk out to check if his car is in and no the BMW is still
not in the garage. I had planned to go to church today but I won‟t go anymore I
have to wait for Banzi to come back home. I rush to check on Ntando in her
Nursery and she is still sleeping, just when I was in our bedroom making our
bed I can hear a car pulling up in the driveway and seconds later, footsteps
walking towards our room. I feel like crying but I hold my tears in. he walks in
and goes straight to the en–suit bathroom without saying a word to me, I can
hear the shower pouring so he is taking a bath. The time is 07:15 I can still go to
church with Ntando, argh but I don‟t have a car and I don‟t want to ask for his.
I really need to get a car now!
He comes back out and finds me in our room picking out something to wear, he
stops looks at me and I turn to look at him. He has a towel around his waist and
his body is a bit wet.
„Good morning.‟ He says.
„Where were you the whole night?‟ I ask.
 P a g e | 47

„It‟s very rude not to return the greeting Salusiwe.‟ He says walking over to the
dressing table.
„I asked you a damn question Zweli.‟ –Me.
„I was out, I needed to be alone.‟ –Zweli.
„Why didn‟t you answer your phone when I called you? It rang.‟ –Me.
„I didn‟t feel like talking.‟ –Zweli.
„You left me in the middle of the night with no explanation and you are failing
to tell me where the hell you were!‟ I am getting angry now.
„I am sorry love…‟ he tries to touch me.
I take a step back and I walk away.
******
Today is laundry day and good thing I am not working and Zweli is not here so
I will do my washing and ironing in peace. We are not in good terms; he still
won‟t tell me where he was.
As I take the washing out of the laundry basket into the washing machine I
come across this t–shirt Banzi was wearing when he left me in the middle of the
night. I sniff it and it smells of a woman, I take the pants and I find a till slip in
the pockets from “Just Undies” and it has there “item for cash R1 200 –night
dress.” I cannot believe my eyes this guy got a lot of explaining to do.
I sit there patiently waiting for him to come back home and when he walks in an
hour later he finds me in the lounge watching a talk show with the t–shirt on the
sofa and the slip next to it, there is a bottle of wine on the coffee table and I am
holding a half empty glass of wine. When he walked in his eyes immediately
went to the sofa.
„Hi love, how was work?‟ –Me.
„It was okay babe.‟ He says walking by.
„Please come back love, we need to talk about something.‟ –Me. He comes back
 P a g e | 48

and sits on the furthest couch from where I am seated.

„So I was doing the laundry today, like I do every Monday, and I came across
this t–shirt, now I know it doesn‟t smell like me so I need you to explain why it
smells of another woman.‟ Now my face is straight and I am not smiling
anymore. „Just when I was still shocked by this unfamiliar smell on my
husband‟s shirt I came across your pants and I found this slip. Funny because
these were the clothes you were wearing on the day you didn‟t sleep home, care
to explain to me what‟s going on?‟ –Me.
„Love it‟s not what you think okay, I went to sleep at a friend‟s house…‟ –Zweli.
„I suppose that is a female friend.‟ –Me.
„Love I am sorry I didn‟t mean to…‟ –Zweli.
„You didn‟t mean to do what Zweli! A year hasn‟t even passed by Zweli since
we got married, our daughter is only 3 months old and you are already sleeping
with other women!! You left me here bloody convinced that I did something
wrong because you gave me a cold shoulder and I couldn‟t help but think what if
something happens to you yet you were out pleasing yourself with another
woman ZWELI!‟ tears fall down my eyes as we stare at each other.
„Sthandwa sami please…‟ he comes closer to me placing his hand on my arm.
„Do not, touch me!‟ I leave him standing there alone.
******
I wake up in the morning to find this idiot of a husband standing just staring at
me. Why isn‟t he dressed for work, don‟t tell me he is taking a day off.
„Good morning love.‟ –Him.
I just look at him and make my way to the bathroom to take a bath and
thereafter I am going out with my daughter to the park. I come back out 10
minutes later and I find him sitting on the bedroom chair with the bed already
made and curtains open, it will take a whole lot than that honey.
I act like I can‟t see him while I get dressed and just before I leave the room,
 P a g e | 49

„Can we talk?‟ –Him.

„You can talk I‟m listening.‟ –Me.
„About yesterday, I am sorry love but I swear I did not sleep with anyone that
night.‟ –Him.
„You expect me to believe that?‟ I sound unconvinced.
„I did buy the lingerie but I did not sleep with her love, she wanted us to but I
couldn‟t do it. I am sorry.‟ –Him.
„Okay.‟ I say leaving the room.
Ntando and I went to the mall first before we went to the park. Well Kharease
is not working so we meet up at the park. Just when Kharease and I were still on
about our couple‟s outing to Mauritius–remember that one; I see a very familiar
face.
„Friend is that not your ex?‟ –Kharease. I turn to the direction where Kari is
looking,
„I swear to God this guy will be the end of me.‟ I say looking at Themba
approaching us.
„Hi ladies.‟ He says with a smile.
„Hi.‟ –Kari.
„What do you want?‟ –Me.
„You are so mean Salu, are you not happy to see me? I know I am.‟ –Themba.
„I made it clear Themba that I don‟t want anything to do with you and stay out
of my life okay!‟ –Me.
„I just want us to be friends, is that a sin?‟ –Themba.
„Don‟t you have a girlfriend you must attend to?‟ –Me.
„Yeah man how is that fussy girl of yours?‟ –Kari.
„We are no longer together, she is just too much.‟ –Themba.
„Oh so you think I can be your setback now that Maya has broken up with you.
Well news flash dear: I am someone‟s wife now.‟ –Me.
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„No Salu, you know you are way more than that to me and I will always have a
soft spot for you. Is this your daughter?‟ –Themba.
„Yes.‟ –Me.
„She looks like her dad.‟ He sounds petty.
„Can we please meet up tomorrow for lunch, please.‟ –Themba.
„No thank you I will pass. Kharease please let‟s go.‟ –Me. We stand up and leave
him there.
******
I get home; it feels so cold and unusual. I find Zweli standing at the lounge
looking through the glass wall with a glass of whiskey in his hands. Ntando is
fast asleep so I immediately take her to bed, he doesn‟t say a word and I don‟t
say a word. I hate this tension between us but he did me wrong and he has to
make it up to me.
I enter our room and I feel like taking a bath so I decide to take a shower. While
I am bathing enjoying the water running down my back I hear the bathroom
door opening and in seconds the shower door slides open as well. He stands
there still for a moment looking at me and I also stand there looking at him, I
am expecting him to join me in my shower but no he decides the opposite. I feel
his hand grabbing my arm so tight and pull me out of the shower into our
bedroom. He looks tense and angry, his eyes are not as charming and his
vampire teeth look deadly. He drags me by my body and throws me on top of
the bed and he presses his knees against my thighs and gives me a slap. In the
back of my minding I am thinking “am I one of those women now, who get
beaten up by their husband‟s”,
„Why do you disrespect me so much!‟ he shouts as he keeps grabbing my neck
and pulling my braids. „I am your husband and you should respect me all the
time! You go out with men instead of solving problems with me! What is wrong
 P a g e | 51

with you?!‟ he continues.

I don‟t answer but I cry as I try pushing him away from me, he pinches and
beats up my body until I don‟t have the energy left to fight him anymore. He
gets off me and leaves the room, before I can even move, I can hear him taking
Ntando and his car pulling out of the drive way.
I lay there in bed for moment thinking about what just happened to me honestly
I couldn‟t believe it. My husband just beat me up, the tears flow and my body
aches. My phone rings and it‟s my mom but I choose to ignore it.
I get up to go to the bathroom and as I pass the mirror on the wall I see how
bruised I am, my neck has his fingerprints on it, my arms are bruised with
marks of his punches and slapping and half of my braids came out while he was
pulling my hair. To think that in 2 days‟ time his family is coming here to
celebrate New Year.
How will I cover all these marks?
I take a quick bath and change the bedroom cover and sheets after that I take off
all the braids left in my head. I do the washing and start preparing for dinner,
that‟s if he‟ll come home but he better bring back my daughter. A car pulls up by
the gate, its Ntsika and after his car is Zweli. I am in no mood to associate with
anyone why did he bring people home! I rush to our room to wear something
that will cover my marks; I decide to wear pants and a knit wear that goes
around my neck and then I put on my smile and act like everything is fine.
„Hey Salusiwe, Amahle said I must send her regards.‟ –Ntsika.
„Hello. Tell her I said hi as well, you must bring her to visit before schools open.‟
I say with a glowing smile.
I noticed that Zweli was looking at me and checking how I look or feel.
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„Hi love, please make us something to eat.‟ He gives me a kiss on the cheek.
„I will bring her next Monday if you are not working though.‟ –Ntsika says as he
goes to the lounge as well.
I take Ntando from Zweli and lead to her bedroom.
Just before I come out to prepare food for these men I check myself one last time
on the mirror, practice my smile and wipe my watery eyes then I leave the
room.
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Chapter 6: Meet Portia, the “Personal

Assistant”
Today is New Year and the family decided to come over our house for lunch. I
woke up early because I wanted to bake some cakes and I don‟t need Ntando‟s
interruption. I feel good today although my body still hurts a little but yesterday
I went to the Pharmacy to get something for the pain and also I went to the
salon to get my hair done. This time around I had straight back simple braids
and just in case the same thing happens again he won‟t be able to pull out my
hair. The bruises on my neck and body are still visible but in a few days‟ time I
should be fine.
„Good morning.‟ A voice behind me calls out. I turn around to look at him, he
seems a bit more relaxed and to his usual self today.
„Good morning.‟ –Me.
„Love I am really sorry about what happened I don‟t know what got into me. I
am sincerely sorry.‟ He comes closer to me.
He better not touch me!
„Banzi on our wedding day you vowed to protect me but how can you protect me
when I need protection from you?‟ I feel the tears coming but I don‟t want to cry
in front of him.
„Sthandwa sami I know and I am sorry, please don‟t talk like that. I will always
protect you no matter what.‟ –Zweli.
„You ignored me for no reason Banzi, when you didn‟t want to talk I respected
that and gave you space but you left me in the middle of the night, I asked you
about it and you got angry. You came back with your clothes smelling of
another woman, then you beat me up for no reason, you said I was gallivanting
with other men. Where did you get that from? I went to the park with my
 P a g e | 54

daughter because I needed time to think‟ –Me, I am so calm at this point.

„A friend of mine called me and told me he saw you at the park with some guy,
so I got angry and I couldn‟t control myself. I am sorry my love.‟ –Zweli.
„Why didn‟t you ask me first? You didn‟t even greet me when I walked in, you
just dragged me out of the shower and you began to beat me.‟ I‟m beginning to
cry, „Do you have any idea how painful that was, you had your body on top of
me and you hit my face until my nose bled thereafter you left and came back
with your brother, demanding me to make you food. Banzi do you have any idea
how hard it was for me to fake a smile in front of Ntsika? Pretending to be a
happy family, I don‟t think so. Don‟t you dare come here with your petty
apology Zweli, I don‟t need it. Take it and shove it where the sun doesn‟t shine.‟
I say with tears rushing down my face.
„Please Salusiwe…‟ he tries to hug me.
„Don‟t… don‟t touch me, please.‟ –Me.
I get on with my baking.
******
The family starts to arrive and we have a table set at the patio outside. The kids
are all playing at the lawn and the siblings are seating together at the lounge and
me with the wives are making food. In no time we are all gathered in the dinner
table talking and laughing about these boys childhood. Nqobani is not here
today, he told me he was flying back to Cape Town after Christmas but
somehow I was hoping he was going to show up.
„Zweli I have been meaning to ask you, on Christmas you just left with no
excuse no nothing, did something or someone upset you?‟ –Bhekifa. I notice
Zweli struggling to answer and now everyone is looking at him.
„(Clears throat) we had to rush back home, he had a meeting the following day
and Ntando was worrying us.‟ –Me.
„Oh, I got worried there a bit.‟ –Bhekifa.
 P a g e | 55

„We were all shocked by your sudden leave.‟ –Samkelo. He looks at me and
smiles but I look away.
Later I am in the kitchen preparing Ntando‟s milk formula when Ndlalifa comes
to the sink to put a glass. I can feel him looking at me and it‟s making me
uncomfortable but I don‟t make eye contact I just continue with what I am
doing.
„What happened?‟ he says. I look at him with worry; he can see I am not okay,
or maybe my bruises are showing. I have to come up with a lie. Fast.
„What happened to your neck?‟ –Ndlalifa.
„Argh don‟t worry about it‟ –I say covering my neck.
„Your wrist as well, is it still nothing?‟ –Ndlalifa. He is looking in my eyes and I
am getting uncomfortable.
Shit my marks are showing, I thought I covered them well, Nxi!
„I fell down the stairs and I hurt my neck and wrist.‟ I say.
„Oh I am sorry about that.‟ He doesn‟t seem convinced though.
He rushes to the lounge and calls all his brothers. He noticed I lied, geez this
guy.
„Meeting now, all of you follow me.‟ he says demanding his brothers to follow
him.
„Is everything okay?‟ –Ntsika.
„Don‟t ask questions just follow me!‟ he seems angry.
Is it something I said?
„What happened here Salu? You were with him in the kitchen.‟ –Xolile.
„I don‟t know we only spoke of my marriage and he left.‟ –Me.
„I wonder what got him so upset.‟ –Zanele.
„Let‟s just sit and wait maybe they will tell us what happened later on.‟ –Me.
„Take Ntando to bed she‟s asleep.‟ –Nonhlanhla hands me Ntando.
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I left Ntando in her Nursery and when I came back I walked past the room the
boys got in, I feel the urge to stop and eavesdrop. I can hear Ndlalifa shouting
but I can‟t make up what he is saying. So I lean closer to the door when I hear
him say, „since when do we hit women in this family!?‟ I feel my heart
pounding, he noticed I was lying, but I thought my marks were not that visible.
I peep through the key hole and I can see Zweli seated on the bedroom chair
with Ndlalifa in front of him and the other two standing side by side to Zweli.
He speaks again, „since when do we hit women in this family? Answer me!‟
„We don‟t hit women bhuti.‟ –Bhekifa.
„Then why do we hit our wives?‟ he looks at Banzi.
„We don‟t hit our wives bhuti.‟ –Ntsika.
„I think Zweli here has a different story to tell.‟ –Ndlalifa.
„I can explain bhuti.‟ –Banzi. He sounds so desperate; I hope he doesn‟t hurt
him.
„You better explain now because that is not how our father brought us up.‟
–Ndlalifa, he sounds angry.
„I was angry and I didn‟t know what to do…‟ –Zweli.
„And you thought hitting your wife will make things better!?‟ Ndlalifa shouts.
Ndlalifa punches him in his stomach and gives him a slap; I feel tears rushing to
my eyes, I can‟t stand to see my husband this vulnerable. How can he do this to
Banzi?
„How would you feel if someone beat your sister up, huh?‟ he asks.
„I would kill them bhuti.‟ –Zweli.
„Then why did you beat your wife, shouldn‟t you be the one protecting her? Or
maybe is it because she doesn‟t have a brother that would kill you?‟ –Ndlalifa,
his words made me cry.
He hits Zweli till he is on his knees and his other brothers are standing there
just looking him.
 P a g e | 57

„I am sure dad is very disappointed in you, I am disappointed in you!‟ –Ndlalifa.

„I am sorry bhuti. It will never happen again‟ Zweli says trying to get up but
Ndlalifa kicks him in his stomach which puts him down again.
„No one is allowed to beat any woman, especially not in this family. No one is to
hit their wife, you must protect you wives and your daughters. Dad taught us to
be good men and not to ever raise your hand at your wife no matter what. That
goes for everyone! Have I made myself clear? –Ndlalifa.
„Yes you have.‟ –Zweli.
„Yes.‟ –Bhekifa & Ntsika.
„Good now get up and go apologize to your wife Zweli.‟ –Ndlalifa.
I rush to the lounge before they find me here or else I will get another beating,
lol.
The boys come back to the lounge after 10 minutes, they don‟t even sit down
anymore everyone just grabs their wife and gathers their children, in a matter of
minutes it‟s just Me Zweli and Ntando in the house. He looks at me as I start
cleaning the lounge and placing the cushions back to position.
„Sthandwa sami you know that I love you and I would do anything to make you
happy and protect you.‟ –Zweli.
„Yes I know that.‟ –I say.
„Will forgive me for what I did. I am sorry I neglected you for the past week and
I am mostly regretfully sorry for making you a punching bag. I am sorry.‟
–Zweli.
„Zweli you really hurt my feelings, you showed me another side of you that I
don‟t know.‟ –Me.
„I know but it will never happen again, I will never ever hit you ever again. I
love you.‟ –Zweli, he comes closer to me and gives me a kiss on my forehead and
hugs me tight.
„I forgive you, but if you do it again, you will hear from my lawyers with a
 P a g e | 58

brown envelope signing papers.‟ –Me. we both laugh.

„That will never happen.‟ He kisses me.
„Never?‟ –Me.
„Never babe, and my love I swear I didn‟t sleep with any woman that night. I
wouldn‟t do that to you sthandwa.‟ –Zweli.
„I believe you love, can we please go back to our normal selves now.‟ –Me.
„Yeah please!‟ –Zweli.
We laugh and kiss for some time. I love my husband too much, now we are
even, he beat me up and Ndlalifa beat him up, lol.
******
I wake up in the morning the next day and Zweli is not in bed, I hope he did not
escape again! I go to the bathroom and thereafter I go to check on Ntando, she is
also not in her room. As I walk down the passage to the kitchen, I am
surrounded by this amazing smell of bacon and I can hear Ntando trying to sing
along to Mr. Bean‟s theme song, good everyone is home.
„Good morning babe.‟ Zweli gives me a kiss. He is wearing an apron and
walking around with a pan full of bacon and sausages.
„Good morning love.‟ I say sitting on the table.
„I thought I should be the one making breakfast today.‟ He says with a smile.
„I can see you got me worried there for a second when I woke up. I thought you
left me again.‟ –Me.
He comes closer to me and he stands in between my legs and grabs my waist,
„Love that was a mistake and it will never ever happen again, okay.‟ He returns
to his scramble egg.
Later that day, Ntsika and his wife along with Mahle and Sandile (Sandile is
their elder son, he is 17 years old and he also goes to an expensive school Hilton
College), came to visit us. Ntsika and Zweli are more close to each other than
 P a g e | 59

anyone else. I do prefer hanging out with Zanele she is cool, and she is the
youngest than the other 2 wives. She is very humble and loves to laugh, very
pretty too and you can see she is top class just by the way she dresses. We need
to start going out for lunch and shopping since Nonhlanhla and Zandile are
stuck up, she did suggest we go to a spa one of the days.
I see a white Porsche with black windows pulling up at the gate, so I rush to the
intercom to open for them. This family is so classy and has high standards;
Ntsika drives a Porsche and a Jaguar while his wife drives a Mercedes E–class
and I won‟t mention the rest because you will end up fainting.
They park their car and before I know it Banzi and Ntando are welcoming them,
he set out the table in the garden plus it‟s too hot to sit inside the house. I also
check if I look presentable and then go out to join them.
„Hello.‟ I say as I pull out a chair and sit.
„Hey.‟ –Zanele says with the prettiest smile brushing Ntando‟s hair.
„Makoti, how are you?‟ –Ntsika.
„I am good and how are you?‟ –Me.
„We are also good.‟ –Ntsika.
„Love would you mind going to Spar for me? I forgot to buy the buns and the
coal for the braai.‟ –Zweli.
„No problem I will go.‟ –Me.
„MaShenge please go with her, you can leave the kids.‟ –Ntsika.
So Zanele and I leave to go to Spar.
After 20 minutes we come back and as we approach the gate waiting for it to
open, I see this big object in front of the garage covered in a big black cloth with
a big red ribbon. Everyone is already standing next to it, it appears they all know
what is going on apart from me because even Zanele here in the car keeps
smiling to herself and looks at me.
We jump off the car as soon as I park the BMW and walk straight to where
 P a g e | 60

Banzi and Ntsika are at.

„What‟s this love?‟ I ask as I look around it in confusion.
„I am sorry for everything I did sthandwa Sami.‟ –Zweli.
„Yes and I forgave you for that but you are not answering my question.‟ –Me.
„This is my way of apologizing to you Salusiwe for hurting you. I know we are
only married for 9 months and I shouldn‟t have acted the way I did. So this is
me showing my gratitude to you and how much I appreciate you.‟ He stops and
kisses my forehead.
I can feel my heart beating faster than usual and I noticed that Zanele is making
a video as Banzi is saying all this. I am sure all of this is going on Instagram,
that woman loves instagram.
He takes me and puts me in front of this huge object and asks Ntsika for a hand
to reveal it. As he opens this “gift” I feel tears coming because I can see a
glimpse of what it is. In a matter of seconds he pulls out the whole cloth and
boom! A black Audi Q7 with black windows. I literally fall down to the floor
and scream and cry at the same time, I cannot believe it! He bought me a car.
He comes closer to me picks me up and says, „I am really sorry love and I hope
this will make up for it.‟ forget that I was angry I just pull him and we start
kissing, yes in front of everyone and we hug for some time. I guess I‟ve saved
my money I don‟t have to buy my own car, he bought exactly my dream car and
I am so happy.
„Love thank you, I love it OH MY GOD!! But you didn‟t have to buy me a car
love.‟ I say as I look at it.
„No girl what are you talking about he had to buy you a car after beating you up,
it was a must do!‟ –Zanele.
How did she know about that…
but we all laugh and Banzi hands me the car keys.
„I would do anything for you my love.‟ –Zweli.
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Girl this car is banging, flames, hot, head turner…I am out of words but mostly
it is elegant and it complements me very well. The whole interior is creamy and
the seats are pure leather, the staring wheel has a pouch written Salusiwe, guys
this guy went all out. Oh before I forget, the number plate…Salu Mbovu.
Well I am assuming this random braai is to celebrate my gift, Audi Q7, can you
imagine a 24 year old coming out of this hot number!?
I need to call my mom and tell her, no wait, I need to see my mom and “show”
her the good news, lol. This weekend I am going to Durban, home!
Later at night Banzi and are lying in bed, I have my head on his chest and he has
his arms around my upper body.
„Babe…‟ I say smiling.
„What is it sthandwa?‟ he asks brushing my back.
„Why did you do that to me though, like a car sthandwa a car?‟ –Me.
„(Laughs) I love you and I wanted to show you how regretful I am of what I
did.‟ –Zweli.
„You really took me by surprise there hey.‟ –Me. We both laugh and kiss a little.
„No wonder you told me to go to Spar, you all knew about it!‟ –Me.
„Yes, I told them and I asked them if it would be okay if I bought you a car and
they approved.‟ –Zweli.
„I love it sthandwa, the steering wheel pouch, custom made babe! (Laughing)‟
–Me.
„Yes love, I would do absolutely anything to see that priceless smile of yours,
anything for you babe.‟ –Zweli.
„I am thinking of going to Durban before I open at work next Monday, to show
my mom my car.‟ –Me.
„I think you should go, even tomorrow you can.‟ –Zweli.
„No tomorrow I want to be home with my family. I will go next Saturday, are
you going to accompany me?‟ –Me.
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„No babe I think you should go alone, I don‟t want to take the credit it is your
car.‟ –Zweli.
„Okay if you say so. I will take Ntando with me and we will go to Gateway Mall
and do shopping and play games.‟ –Me.
„Are you trying to change my mind?‟ –Zweli.
„Yes, is it working?‟ –Me.
„No it isn‟t.‟ –Zweli.
______
I came early from work today so I have enough time to attend to my daughter
and prepare good dinner, she is 5 months now and she can crawl and trying to
walk. She looks so gorgeous with her chubby cheeks and pink lips, a big black
afro and her big china eyes, like her dad, she even has his dimple. Soon she will
need someone to play with, or she‟ll be a snob and I don‟t want my daughter to
be a snob but with her dad wanting to give her everything I doubt.
I am still in my work outfit but just an apron above and I am wearing sleepers.
My brown 26 inches Peruvian weave is tied up which make me look smoking
hot and Banzi likes it when I have my hair tied up in a ponytail. As I am
roasting my chicken Zweli walks in the house with this woman I have never
seen before. She looks beautiful and she seems young maybe a bit older than I
am. She is wearing a knee length red straight–cut dress with black stilettos and
has long braids. She looks very pretty, but what is she doing in my house!
„Hi love.‟ –Zweli gives me a kiss and grabs Ntando from the floor.
„Hello my love. We have a visitor.‟ I say waiting for him to introduce me to this
young lady in my kitchen.
„Yeah love, this is Portia. She is my personal assistant.‟ –Zweli.
„Okay, nice to meet you Portia.‟ –Me.
„Portia this is my wife I told you about, this is our beautiful daughter Ntando.‟
 P a g e | 63

–Zweli.
„It‟s nice to finally meet you. I have heard a lot about you.‟ –Portia.
„Love she came here to help me sort out a few things before we leave for Cape
Town.‟ –Zweli.
„And by “we” who are you referring to???‟ –Me. I can be like that at times.
„Oh I forgot to tell you babe, Portia is coming with me to Cape Town as my
assistant, and we came to do some filing and sort everything for next week.‟
–Zweli.
„Okay love, will Portia be staying over for dinner?‟ –Me, I am looking directly at
this Portia girl.
„No but thank you for the offer, (Zweli and I both look at Portia) I live far and I
have to catch a taxi so I won‟t be able to stay or else I will sleep at the rank.‟
–Portia.
„Okay.‟ I say attending my meat.
„Love we will be in the study room if you need anything.‟ –Zweli says as he puts
Ntando down and they leave.
 P a g e | 64

Chapter 7: Things Begin To Fall Apart…

In a month‟s time it will be Banzi and I 1 year anniversary, June 18. I am not
sure how we are celebrating our anniversary but I was hoping we could go to
Zanzibar; it will depend on his schedule. That‟s what you get for marrying an
entrepreneur, they work with schedules. So far my marriage is looking good and
I have managed to get rid of Themba, hopefully he‟s gone for good!
„Babe, do you remember Zama?‟ –Me.
„The one from Cape Town love?‟ –Zweli.
„Yes her babe.‟ –Me.
„Yes I do remember her, what happened to her?‟ –Zweli.
„Well love, she is coming to Durban and she wants us to spend some time
during that weekend.‟ –Me.
„Okay there is no problem with that.‟ –Zweli.
„The thing is my love, there is a Jazz festival during that week and she wants us
to go there, it‟s an all–night session.‟ –Me.
„Okay, in Durban you said?‟ –Zweli.
„Yes babe.‟ –Me.
„Well you guys haven‟t seen each other for a while and she is your friend. You
can go babe its fine.‟ –Zweli.
„Thank you!!! I love you!‟ –Me, jumping up and down hugging him.
******
Today is Friday and I am leaving for Durban, I am taking Ntando with me
because Banzi wants to go to Landskop so he can‟t look after her there. My mom
will look after her but today we will sleepover at my home in Montclair. I can‟t
wait to see my family. On Saturday evening I will then meet up with Zama at
the Jazz Festival. She is a very good friend of mine, we went to the same high
school, Durban Girls High but she left when we were in grade 11 and resided in
 P a g e | 65

Cape Town but we have always been in contact. She couldn‟t make it to my
wedding unfortunately because she had to go to Ghana for the Miss Africa
Pageant, oh by the way she is a model, but her 9-5 job is being a Marine
Biologist. She is very sophisticated and classy, she is tall very slim and perfectly
postured, fair in complexion like me and some people would call us twins:
Zamisiwe was our twin name.
„Babe I will miss you.‟ –Zweli.
„I will miss you too love but I am coming back on Sunday.‟ –Me.
„Two full days and three nights babe! Ntandokayise I love you.‟ –Zweli says
kissing Ntando‟s cheek.
„She will be fine and plus mom will take care of her.‟ –Me.
„I love you babe and please drive safely.‟ –Zweli.
„I love you too. I will call you when we arrive.‟ –Me, I say as I put Ntando in her
car seat.
I turn to hug Banzi and say goodbye, he grabs me by my waist and leans on the
car boot and we start kissing.
„I will miss you.‟ He says kissing my forehead.
„Bye love.‟ I say getting in my Audi Q7…feels god to say that lol.
I arrive at Montclair around noon and my whole family is there. I find everyone
in the lounge already waiting for me, instead of Kwazi giving me a hug she runs
for Ntando and forgets about her long gone sister. I hug mom and dad though.
„So my princess, how is everything.‟ –Dad.
„Dad I told you to stop calling me princess I am grown now.‟ –Me.
„You will always be my princess.‟ –Dad. My dad though.
„My marriage is fine baba and we are celebrating our 1 year anniversary next
month. Things are just great.‟ –Me.
„That‟s good angel. You must always remember to put your husband‟s needs
first and in that way you will never lose him.‟ –Dad, can you imagine the look I
 P a g e | 66

am giving dad as he says this.

******
Saturday evening and I am getting ready to meet up with Zama, I haven‟t seen
her in ages!
„If you need anything ma don‟t hesitate to call me.‟ –Me.
„Okay, enjoy your time with Zama and tell her to come visit us some day.‟
–Mom.
„Okay, I will see you tomorrow.‟ I say leaving the house, on my way out I pick
up Ntando and give her a kiss then I leave.
I am in Capello‟s in no time, that‟s where the festival is running. Zama comes in
10 minutes later and the show has started. We hug and cry and laugh and make
up for lost time, I didn‟t realize how much I missed her till now.
„So what have you been up to in Cape Town?‟ –Me.
„I have been so busy with agents and the marine, you know it‟s a lot I don‟t even
have a social life anymore babe.‟ –Zama.
„I can tell you didn‟t even make it for my wedding!‟ –Me.
„I am so sorry about that but I had to go to Ghana, this is me making up for it
okay.‟ –Zama.
„It is all good, I totally understand.‟ –Me.
„And you, what‟s up with you?‟ –Zama.
„Everything is awesome babe, my marriage is tops plus Banzi bought me a car
and you know we are taking it step by step. Ntando is growing and developing
her father‟s stubbornness.‟ –Me.
Just as Zama and I were still catching up and enjoying good music…BOOM
Themba appears next to me.
„Good evening ladies.‟ He sits next to me. This guy is a curse!
„What the hell are you doing here? Are you following me now?‟ –Me.
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„I came here to listen to some good music, I believe that‟s also the reason you are
here.‟ –Themba.
Just as Themba and I were still having an argument Zama sees her old friend
and goes to him, like is she really leaving me here with this idiot!
„You know Salusiwe; you can‟t get rid of me.‟ –Themba.
„Can you please go and leave me alone.‟ –Me.
„We had the best times together Salusiwe and you know it.‟–Themba.
„Why are you doing this to me?‟ as I start thinking back to those days.
„What do you want from me Themba!?‟ –Me.
„I want you.‟ He says, at this point I am speechless and so shocked.
„I am married now.‟ –Me.
„So???‟ –Themba.
„Themba you can‟t go around telling other people‟s wives you want them;
respect the fact that she is a married woman.‟ –Me.
„I respect that but what about my feelings?‟ –Themba says as he comes
uncomfortably closer to where I am seated.
„Just go and forget about me, forget about us.‟ –Me.
After that I feel his hands caressing my thighs, bear in mind that I am wearing a
short lose black dress which can be easily removed. We automatically look at
each other and our eyes are locked in each other you can tell our minds are at the
same place.
Nxi God why am I not stopping him!
He comes closer and grabs my waist and kisses my neck, I feel weak, he takes
my one leg and puts it across his hip and starts giving me strong neck kisses and
pushing his hands in between my thighs, how am I still allowing this to happen,
I will regret this but my body is too weak to push him away.
„Shall we finish this somewhere private…‟ he says pulling back and grabbing my
arm. Before I respond I look around and Zama is nowhere to be seen so I just
 P a g e | 68

comply with Themba.

„Sure.‟ –Me.
We get in my car and drive off to his place. The moment we enter the room he
pushes me against the wall and we are kissing so hard, tongues involved and all.
I have my back against the wall and my legs around his waist; he held me up and
starts kissing my breasts. Within seconds we are in bed and he has his body on
top of me, we are both naked and at that moment I was not at all thinking about
Zweli, I couldn‟t, the only thing in my mind was what was about to happen.
Themba and I had never had sex before so this just brings back all those
conversations we had about sex. He‟d always say “once we are married princess,
I will shag you till you can‟t walk” but unfortunately it didn‟t get to that.
He takes off my panties slowly making sure if I am comfortable with all this
and sooner than expected I feel him getting inside me, groaning moaning and
sighing in my ear, he is sweating on my body, our eyes meet as he stops and
pulls out, he goes lower and start kissing my vagina, I feel him biting my thighs
and squeezing my butt, I feel weak and I completely let go of my body. This is
the best sex I have ever had. He starts all over again and this time he‟s got me
screaming on top of my lungs, he is so gentle and passionate, the way he moves
his fingers on my skin, the way he pulls my hair and the way he laughs and
sighs at the same time.
I wake up in the morning and I realize then what I have done. I turn around and
Themba is not there, I wake up and put on my clothes quickly, then he walks in.
„Good morning, why are you not taking a bath?‟ –Themba.
„What have I done, Themba I have to go home?‟ –Me.
„Sweets relax, we had the best night ever and I made you breakfast.‟ He says
kissing my lips.
„Themba nothing happened between us okay, I don‟t want to see you ever again
okay. Forget about me and about what happened last night.‟ I say as I leave.
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How could I do that to Banzi, he is such a great husband and I slept with
another man, how am I even going to look at him when I get home. I am on my
way to Montclair when I receive a call from him, why is he calling me, why
now of all times.
„Good morning babe, how was your night?‟ –Zweli.
„Hey love. The night was great; Zama and I had the best time.‟ –Me.
„That‟s great love, I miss you and I can‟t wait till you get home.‟ –Zweli.
„I miss you too love.‟ I say these words with tears running down my cheeks.
The minute I get home I rush to the bathroom and open the shower, I don‟t
usually use the shower but I need to this time around, to wash away Themba‟s
scent in every inch of my skin, I need the water to run down my body and just
move everything.
As I take this long hot shower I realise I have marks on my back and upper
thighs and this just brings back all the memories I have of last night, the touches
the deep sensual kisses the motion the passion the smell the gentle manliness the
love and the care, everything, and I automatically fall down and cry in the
shower. I have wronged my husband and I have just realised that we didn‟t use
any protection.
______
Ntando and I arrive in Hilton later during the day; Banzi is not home, good. I
put her to sleep and after that I go to sleep.
I am woken up by the voices of many people and I can hear Ntando crying in
the lounge, I guess Zweli is back. What time is it anyway? 17:37, I slept for that
long! I get up and go to the lounge where everyone is making noise as I approach
the lounge I see Zweli, I can‟t even make eye contact, geez the guilt is killing
me. He stands to give me a hug and a kiss and I taste HIS mouth.
„Babe I missed you.‟ –Banzi.
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„I missed you too love.‟ –Me.

He has all his friends in my lounge, they are watching football.
Today is Monday and I was supposed to go to work but I called in sick, I don‟t
have the energy or emotion to face people today, I am still drowning in my
sorrows and Themba has been calling me non–stop. I haven‟t told anyone about
this and I don‟t intend to do so.
Zweli comes back home early today, why did he do that, Nxi.
„Babe you back early today.‟ –Me.
„Yes. I want to spend some quality time with my wife; I missed her the entire
weekend.‟ He says pulling me closer to him and kissing me. I never thought
kissing my husband would feel this uncomfortable.
Before I know it we are in our bedroom and he is so sexual. At this moment I
want to die, I can‟t make love to him just a day ago I fucked my ex.
He has his body on top of me and in a second we are both naked, good thing
those marks are fading or else…
he starts to groan and moan, he breathes heavily in my ears and immediately
tears are falling from my eyes, I can‟t do this. He pulls and pushes and you can
tell he is enjoying this but I am not. Comparisons are easily done once you have
had a taste of perfection. He kissed my lips I taste “his” mouth, he put it in and I
was disgusted with myself. Because at this moment I am with him but I am
thinking of “you”, the love we made, the passion it had, what you would do if
you were the one, I wish I was looking into your eyes. God knows I have tried
to refrain but each time I do it only reminds me of Themba.
He‟s finished; he pulls me next to him and kisses my lips.
„I love you Salusiwe.‟ –Zweli. Instead of me saying it back tears fall, he leaves to
go take a bath and I get up and begin to dress myself. I feel dirty.
In a few days‟ time Banzi and I are celebrating our 1 year anniversary.
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______
In the past month I haven‟t been feeling well, I have been dizzy moody and
craving weird foods, and even Banzi noticed he even said I am putting on
weight. That can only mean one thing. So I decided to buy a home pregnancy
test and find out if all these signs are what I assume them to be. Luckily today I
am not working and Banzi went to Durban with “Portia” for an Investors
Meeting, I can take this test in peace. I am about to find out if I am going to be a
mother again, and on Sunday it‟s our anniversary just so you know
I take the test during the day and I am seating on the toilet seat waiting for the
results. You have to wait for a minute or so for the results. A minute has passed
and I am in suspense…I might be pregnant.
Oh No! This might be Themba‟s child too. What am I going to do?
I haven‟t seen or heard from him since the time we made love, I can‟t seem to
forget about that night. If Banzi finds out that this child, if there is a child, is not
his I am finished, my marriage is finished as well.
So I grab the pregnancy test with my eyes closed and heart beating fast, the
minute I open my eyes I see “positive”. I don‟t how to react, I‟m not happy
though simply because this may be Themba‟s child. I don‟t know when and how
to tell Banzi about this but sooner or later I will have to.
******
He comes back home around 17:55 and he looks tired but after what I have to tell
him he will be lively and exuberant.
„Good evening babe.‟ He says making way to our room. I follow him there,
„Hi love, how was the meeting?‟ –Me.
„It was prosperous love, we managed to reach a consensus and soon we will be
working on building that new mall in Nottingham.‟ He says.
„I am glad your day went well love, I also have to tell you something.‟ –Me.
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„What‟s wrong love?‟ –Zweli.

„Nothing is wrong babe.‟ –Me.
„Than what is it Salusiwe?‟ –Zweli.
„As you know that I have been feeling really sick for the past month or so, and
craving for weird things, you even said I am putting on weight. Well today I
decided to take a home pregnancy test.‟ I say looking at him; he even has
stopped undressing himself and concentrating on what I am saying.
„Okay and what were the results?‟ –Zweli.
„The test came out positive, we are having another child.‟ I say hesitantly.
„Babe that is great! We will have another naughty rascal running around, wow
thank you!‟ –Zweli,
He comes to where I am and we start kissing and he keeps smiling and rubbing
my tummy. I knew he‟d be happy about this.
Tears drop from my eyes as he plays with my tummy and calling Ntando over
to feel the tummy as well.
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Chapter 8: Expecting the Unexpected

In a week‟s time I will be due for labour, and finding out if I am carrying my
husband‟s child or my ex–boyfriend‟s child. Ntando is a year and 5 months old
now so raising this child shouldn‟t be that much of a problem. I took her to
Montclair where my mom is because I cannot be worrying about her when I have
to worry about giving birth to this child; by the way it‟s a boy this time around.
Today Banzi and his sisters went to buy some few baby essentials so I am left
alone in the house, at least I got food.
I can‟t wait to lose all this baby fat I look like a whale that walks like a penguin,
can you imagine!
I make a sandwich and make my way to the lounge, as I sit I hear the intercom
buzzing.
„Now who‟s that idiot?‟ –Me. I make my way outside to the gate and as I am
approaching I see Themba.
What the hell is he doing here, and I thought I told him to get lost!
„What do you want? Didn‟t I make it clear that you may never come here?‟ –Me.
„Hello to you too Salusiwe, how nice to see you again (he fakes a smile). I heard
you were pregnant and I came here to let you know that if that child is mine, I
want custody.‟ –Themba.
„Themba this is not your child okay, now get lost.‟ –Me.
„We had sex exactly 9 months ago and you are telling me that that is not my child,
are you serious right now.‟ –Themba.
„I also had sex with my husband you know.‟ –Me.
„I know but if that is my child I want to raise my child Salusiwe, whether you tell
Zweli or you don‟t I don‟t care as long as my child is in my arms all is good.‟
–Themba.
„I know that this is Banzi‟s child so do yourself a favour and stop lying to yourself.
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Now please go before Banzi comes back and finds you here.‟ –Me.
„Whatever Salusiwe, but the proof is in the pudding.‟ He leaves my gate and as he
enters in his car he says, „By the way congratulations.‟
I hate this guy! Why would he come now after so long to cause such problems? He
had the whole 9 months to come but he decides a week before my due date, as if I
am not worried about this child‟s paternity. Nxi!
______
March 19 2019
I am in hospital and about to go on labour in 2 hours, I am still in the waiting room
with my family. Banzi is seating on the bed with me, he keeps asking me if I am
okay, his sisters are seating on the chairs and his brothers are seating outside, my
mom and sis didn‟t come this time around they said they will come when I get
home to see the baby.
Funny how this time around I am not experiencing any severe contractions, I
haven‟t even screamed once since my water broke. This child is different hey.
Everyone is laughing and making silly baby names here and I am just sweating
and drowning in worry. In 2 hours‟ time my marriage may just end.
„Mrs. Ngubane, you are now due.‟ The doctor says as they start pulling my bed to
the labour theater.
******
I come out of the labour room to find everyone in the maternity ward waiting to
see the baby, even I haven‟t seen my baby, and the nerves are messing with me.
The doctors took the baby because he wasn‟t crying when I gave birth to him, so
they took him for a check–up.
„Where is my son?‟ –Zweli sounds worried.
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„Doctor Myeza took him for a check–up sir.‟ –The nurse.

„Why is something wrong…babe?‟ –Zweli.
„Zweli our son wasn‟t crying so they want to see if something is wrong.‟ –Me.
I am trying to contain myself but the worry they are feeling is nothing compared
to mine. Zweli is so stressed out and I can tell he keeps walking around the room,
sitting and rubbing his hands together. As I am looking at Banzi walking around I
see Themba in front of the door, he just stands there to make sure I can see him
and thereafter he leaves. Things couldn‟t get any worse!
„Banzi will you stop that! We are all worried here but you moving around like
that don‟t help.‟ –Me.
„I am sorry love; I am just a bit worried here.‟ –Zweli.
„Everything will be fine bhuti, just relax okay.‟ –Samkelo.
Doctor Myeza walks in with our son in her hands crying out loud, the whole
maternity ward can hear him. Well that‟s a sign of relief! Whew…
„Doctor, is everything okay?‟ –Zweli.
„Yes sir, he was just being lazy to cry. (Laughs) he had a blockage in his lungs that
is why he couldn‟t let out his voice but we have sorted everything and he should be
fine.‟ –Doctor Myeza.
„Thank you, that is a huge relief!‟ –Zweli.
„Now you can go join your family baby boy (she says handing me the baby), I will
come later on to check on you ma‟am.‟ –Doctor Myeza.
Everyone is looking at me and the baby; he is covered in a crotchet blue blanket,
the nerves start to kick in, Themba‟s appears again gosh!
I remove the blanket from his face and my God…he looks exactly like Zwelibanzi,
exactly. I let out a sigh and a laugh at the same time. Zweli comes to my bedside
and also smiles as he looks at his son, I see tears falling from his eyes.
When I look to see Themba I find that he is already gone, guess he got the
 P a g e | 76

message and that‟s another relief.

This child looks exactly like Banzi, and he also has a dimple like Zweli and
Ntando.
„Babe we haven‟t named our son.‟ –Me.
He takes the baby from me looks at him and smiles, „Ubenathi…Ubenathi Mbovu
Ngubane.‟ He says.
„That‟s a beautiful name babe, Ubenathi.‟ –Me.
„And it corresponds with the predicament that just took place.‟ –Nomusa.
„Yeah especially because the theory behind the child not crying is that it‟s not
alive. So Ubenathi, he is with us.‟ –Xolile.
______
My mom and sister are coming home today to see the baby and also bring Ntando;
I have missed that princess of mine.
„Babe do you know when you are parents coming?‟ –Zweli.
„I think around lunch time Banzi I am not sure.‟ –Zweli.
„Okay, I want to go to my office so I don‟t know if I will see them.‟ –Zweli.
„No love you can go I am sure when you return they will still be here.‟ –Me.
„Okay baby bye. I will see you later.‟ he says.
He goes to the Nursery where our son is sleeping and kisses Nath and goes.
„I love you.‟ –Zweli.
„I love you too.‟ –Me.
******
I hear my mom and Kwazi shouting outside the gate, I don‟t why they are acting
as if they have never used an intercom, we have one in Montclair, my family
though.
„Why are you making such a noise outside my gate?‟ –I say as I welcome them
 P a g e | 77

inside the house.

„Oh mama we forgot that this is the suburbs, you don‟t just scream and shout.‟
–Kwazi.
We all laugh, I‟ve missed them so much, they are dysfunctional but I love them.
„Where were we with suburbs Kwazi? We are sorry my child for making noise.‟
–Mom.
We all go to the lounge.
„So where is the boy?‟ Kwazi asks excitedly.
„He is in his Nursery sleeping.‟ –Me.
„Salusiwe your children are always sleeping!‟ –Mom.
„He is a baby what do you expect from him? Speaking of which where Ntando is?‟
–Me.
„Oh she is “sleeping” in the car so we didn‟t want to wake her up.‟ –Mom.
„Oh I was worried there, and where is dad?‟ –Me.
„Salusiwe dad couldn‟t make it.‟ –Kwazi.
„Why is he working?‟ –Me. I am getting worried and anxious now.
„No my child but your dad is not well these days, so travelling for him is not an
option.‟ –Mom.
„But he did say to send his congratulations and great regard.‟ –Kwazi.
„What is wrong with him?‟ I ask.
„He has a lung infection and honestly things are not looking good for him my
child, but we don‟t want you to stress about that okay, he doesn‟t want you to
stress about him.‟ –Mom.
„How can I not stress about my father mama?‟ I say as tears fill my eyes. „Is he
going to die?‟ –Me.
„No he won‟t baby, don‟t stress about your father Salusiwe, you recently gave birth
and stress will affect your son okay.‟ –Mom.
„Will he be okay?‟ –Me.
„He will be fine sis okay, don‟t worry too much.‟ –Kwazi.
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„Tell him I love him and to get well soon so he can see his grandchild.‟ –Me.
„We will angel. By the way he said to tell you that you are fortunate that you gave
birth to a boy because he will be your protector, you and Uzanokuhle and if your
husband is away he will be your shield so he named him Sihlangu.‟ –Mom.
I feel tears coming in my eyes, I love that name. Nath is my protector, I am sure
Banzi will love it too.
„Tell him I said thank you and I love the name.‟ –Me.
My mom and sis go to the nursery to see Sihlangu.
„This child looks exactly like Zweli!‟ –Kwazi.
„Yeah he does, he‟ll also be a charmer like his dad.‟ –Me.
2 hours later mom and Kwazi are leaving, so I go to get Ntando.
„Hey baby!!!‟ I say kissing her chubby cheeks.
„Mama.‟ –Ntando.
„Oh my God she said mama‟ I tear up. „Mama is back baby!‟ –Me.
She looks at my tummy and hits it.
„Mama gave birth; she noticed I don‟t have a bump anymore.‟ –Me.
„Kids are smart hey.‟ –Kwazi.
„Baba, baba.‟ She says as she sees Banzi‟s car coming in.
„Yes that is baba!‟ –Me.
We all laugh at her baby accent.
„Sanibona how is everyone?‟ –Zweli.
„Mkhonyana, we are good and you?‟ –Mom.
„I am also fine, hey baby!‟ –Zweli taking Ntando. „Daddy missed you.‟ –Zweli.
„Baba, baba!‟ –Ntando.
„Yes!!! You can speak now my princess.‟ –Zweli.
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„Zweli were you denying your son while Salu was pregnant?‟ –Kwazi.
„No why?‟ –Zweli.
„He looks exactly like you, like he is your duplicate.‟ –Kwazi. We all laugh.
„Oh no, it‟s just that I am too good looking so Nath had no option but to. I‟m not
throwing shade sthandwa.‟ –Zweli. We all laugh.
„Babe dad named Nath Sihlangu because he is expected to protect Ntando and me
when you are away so he is our shield.‟ –Me.
„That is beautiful love; please tell Mr. Ngcobo we are grateful for the name.‟
–Zweli.
„We will let him know. Let us love you and leave you.‟ –Mom.
„Okay bye.‟ –Me, I hug them as they leave.
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Chapter 9: What goes around, Comes back

around

Within two days I am leaving for Italy, there is a project running at work so we
are expected to go to Italy as team members and find out more about some
chemicals. I will be gone for 2 weeks.
I am sad about leaving my husband and children, Sihlangu is only 2 months old
and Ntando is a year and 8 months. I have to take them to Montclair because I
know Banzi won‟t be able to look after them with all the business meetings he
has to go to daily and plus this new Mall project they are working on takes up his
time, I feel bad for giving my mom the burden to look after my children when
she still has to look after dad. By the way dad has been in hospital for about 1
month.
„Babe please put all the bags in the car boot, we have to leave before mom and
Kwazi go to the hospital.‟ –Me.
„Are you sure about taking our kids to your mom‟s house?‟ –Banzi.
„Zweli I have no option.‟ –Me.
„We can hire someone to look after them while you‟re away babe.‟ –Zweli.
„Zweli no stranger will look after my children for 2 weeks!‟ –Me.
„Okay love.‟ –Zweli.
******
We arrive at Montclair around 12:00. Kwazi welcomes us by the gate and rushes
for Sihlangu while Banzi and I get the bags, well Ntando can walk now.
„Hello mama.‟ –Me.
„Sawubona ma, how are you?‟ –Zweli. We both greet as we make way to the
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lounge where mom is seating.

„I am good my children. Will you be staying till we go see your dad later on?‟
–Mom.
I did not plan to but I don‟t want to disappoint mom, I have only seen dad once
since I heard he was sick, I just look at Banzi.
„Yes ma we will. Salusiwe has to see her father before she goes to Italy.‟ –Zweli.
„Okay thank you, your father will appreciate that.‟ –Mom.
„So Kwazi have you started looking for a job?‟ –Me.
„No sis, I don‟t know where to apply.‟ –Kwazi.
„Kwazi you apply everywhere and anywhere. You need to start applying for a job
before you graduate in September.‟ –Me.
„I always tell her Salusiwe.‟ –Mom.
„What job are you looking for?‟ –Zweli.
„I will be graduating in Land Surveying and Construction so anything with
regards to that will do.‟ –Kwazi.
„Okay, I guess you are lucky because my Construction Company in Durban is
hiring. We are looking for engineers, architectures and surveyors.‟ –Zweli.
„Oh my God is you serious?‟ –Kwazi.
„Yes I am, you must go for an interview Thursday for protocol purposes but I
will tell the person in charge of interviewing to send you an e–mail.‟ –Zweli.
„Thank you, Salu your husband is one in a million.‟ –Kwazi.
„Yeah I know that‟s why he is my husband.‟ –Me.
We are in hospital to see my dad, I am scared to go in the ward alone so I ask
Banzi to go in with me, and Kwazi is outside with the kids.
As we approach his bed, I can see all the big pipes inserted in dad‟s body to help
him breathe, seeing my dad like this is emotionally heartbreaking. He can hear
and see me but he can‟t talk so I am the only one doing the talking. I can‟t take
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this any longer I just cry when I see him cry also.
„Your mom told me you were going to Italy.‟ He tried saying that but it took a lot
of effort.
„Yes dad I will be gone for 2 weeks, will I find you here when I come back?‟ –Me.
„No…you will find me home.‟ I see tears in his eyes.
„Please don‟t leave me baba.‟ –Me. He shakes his head; I think that means “I
won‟t leave you”.
„Take care of yourself in Italy.‟ –Dad.
„I will baba.‟ –Me.
„Take care of your husband and your children Salusiwe. Remember to always
show them love. And please look after your mom and Kwazi when I am away.‟
–Dad.
„Dad please don‟t talk like that, you are not going anywhere!‟ I say with tears
falling.
„My time is up Salusiwe.‟ –Dad.
„Dad no. Please don‟t leave us.‟ –Me.
„I will never leave you Salusiwe.‟ –Dad.
„I love you dad.‟ –Me.
„I will always love you.‟ –Dad. He then kisses my hand with his pipes.
„Goodbye dad, Zweli and I have to go now.‟ –Me.
„Okay, please do as I said.‟ –Dad.
„I will baba.‟ –Me. as Zweli and I leave.
When we get in the car I just cannot hold my tears in any longer, I let out a loud
cry. Zweli doesn‟t start the car he comes out to my side where I am sitting and he
takes me to the back seat. We both sit there with him holding me tightly and
telling me dad will be okay I must not cry.
„Zweli seeing dad in that state is not easy.‟ I say crying.
„I know sthandwa but dad will be fine, you need to be strong, for him.‟ He says
 P a g e | 83

rubbing my back.
„Zweli what if he dies, I can‟t live without baba and I can never live without him.‟
I say letting out a heavy cry.
„He will not die, he will be fine. Please stop crying sthandwa Sami, please.‟ He
kisses my lips.
My face has turned red and my eyes have become almost invisible, I‟ve got snot
running down my nose like a river. Zweli takes out a box of tissues from the
dashboard and he gently wipes my face and tells me to stop crying. He kisses my
eyes (which I find weird) and my lips trying to calm me down, then he lays my
head on his lap for a few minutes.
______
Today I am leaving for Italy, my flight leaves at 10:30 to Cape Town and
thereafter to Italy. I can‟t believe I am actually leaving my husband all alone in
this big house, I will miss him dearly and our children too.
„Babe you must hurry up or you will miss your flight, not that I would mind
though.‟ –Zweli.
„You really don‟t want me to go babe. I will miss you.‟ –Me.
„I will miss you too sthandwa.‟ –Zweli.
He comes closer to where I am seating, I had just finished bathing so I‟m
applying lotion on my skin. He pulls me closer to him and grabs my waist tight; I
will miss his gentle touch, the warmth of his skin too. He unties my robe and
starts caressing my body.
„Babe just now you told me that I will be late, you will make me late.‟ –Me.
„I am sure there is still time to make love to my wife.‟ –Zweli, he says as he
throws me on the bed and sooner than expected he is on top of me and kissing my
neck and fondling with my breasts. He leaves a bite on my left breast. We make
love for a sometime and after I get back to getting dressed and him to admiring
my body like he always does.
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„You are so perfect.‟ –Zweli says with a fading smile.

„What makes you say that?‟ –Me.
„I don‟t know but your body is perfect, let alone your soul. Everything about you
is a + love.‟ –Zweli.
„Thank you babe, but my body has changed a little since I gave birth to Ntando
and Sihlangu.‟ –Me.
„It changed for the better my love trust me.‟ –Zweli.
******
Banzi and I arrive at the airport around 10:00, and I still have time to go to the
Enquiries desk to submit my Id and Passport. Some of my colleagues have
arrived and are sitting on the waiting lounge.
„Travel safely babe.‟ –Zweli.
„Thanks love, take care of you as well.‟ –Me.
„I will. Tomorrow I will go and see our children and again on Saturday then the
whole of next week I will be in Landskop.‟ –Zweli.
„Thanks love, you have to check on the kids.‟ –Me.
A female voice calls through the intercom for passengers on flight 00312 to Cape
Town @ 10:30. I have to go now.
„I have to go now.‟ –Me.
„Yeah you have to go now. Ngiyakuthanda Salusiwe.‟ –Zweli.
„I love you too baby. I will call as soon as we land in Cape Town.‟ –Me.
„Okay please do.‟ –Zweli.
We kiss and hug and I go and join the others. He waits till I join the others and
then he leaves. I miss him already.
______
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Two weeks have passed already and I am coming back home, we were supposed
to land at 19:00 but fortunately our flight came sooner and I am in Durban sooner
than expected. I want to surprise Zweli, I didn‟t tell him I will be home sooner, I
have missed him so much and I can‟t wait to hold him and fall asleep on his
chest. I take a cab to my house in Hilton, I will come back tomorrow with Zweli
to get the kids from Montclair, I missed them so much, Sihlangu is 3 months old
now.
I arrive at my house at 13:45 but none of Zweli‟s cars is parked outside well maybe
he is not home. I jump off the cab and make way inside the house. Okay it seems
no one is home, „Maybe he went to Montclair to get the kids.‟ I say to myself. I
will unpack my clothes and sleep a little and prepare dinner, I missed my kitchen
and cooking.
I make way to our bedroom to unpack my clothes, as I open the closet I can smell
this unfamiliar type of female cologne and so I open both the doors of the closet
and on my side I can see these non–familiar clothes, dresses and skirts and shoes
and underwear, at this point I don‟t know what to think. And all these clothes are
not mine; I can spot a dress I have seen before, a red dress Portia wore when she
came in my house a while ago, and I for one don‟t wear red.
I am fuming with anger but I act calm and just take all these clothes I put them in
the bath tub and open hot running water, while that happens I get a full bottle of
OMO bleach and wash these clothes with it.
This woman will drink to know me, Nxi!
„Hi my friend how is you?‟ –Me. I called Nelly.
„I am good girl what is it?‟ –Nelly.
„I need a favor from you.‟ –Me.
„I would do anything for you my girl. What do you want?‟ –Nelly.
Good I knew I can count on Nelly.
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So I go and start preparing my dinner while I wait for Banzi to come back home
and this girl –whoever she is, to come get her clothes.
******
About 2 hours later I can see Zweli‟s car on the driveway through the kitchen
window, good he is home. I put a smile on my face and act like nothing is going
on, I noticed Zweli is not alone Portia came out the passenger‟s seat, and now I
am just waiting for them to enter the house (laughing) they are in for a surprise. I
can hear their voices as they approach the kitchen door, laughing and blabbing.
The door opens and Portia walks in first. The look on her face is priceless when
she sees me standing on the stove preparing food.
„Hi Portia, how may I help you.‟ –Me.
„Uhm…I…well you see…Zweli is…‟ –Portia, the door opens again and Zweli walks
in just as she was explaining.
„Portia you have to go my wife will be home soon you know (he hasn‟t seen me
as yet and I am just waiting for him to turn around)…SALUSIWE!!!‟ –Zweli.
„Hello.‟ I say with the brightest smile on my face.
„What are you doing here Salusiwe; you told me your flight lands in Durban at
19:00?‟ –Zweli.
„The last I checked this was my house Zweli, and I thought you‟d be happy to see
me.‟ –Me.
„I am love don‟t get me wrong but you took me by surprise.‟ –Zweli.
„That was the plan. What is Portia doing here by the way?‟ –Me.
„I came to get some documents and I was leaving.‟ –Portia, she looks and sounds
scared.
„Yeah come Portia and get your documents.‟ –Zweli.
„No Zweli let her go alone, seeing that she is familiar with the house or else her
clothes wouldn‟t be in my closet right.‟ –Me, I am so angry but I am trying not to
show any emotion.
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„Babe I can explain.‟ –Zweli.

„Yeah please do because I don‟t seem to understand why your “personal
assistant‟s” clothes would be in my closet. By the way Portia, I did some washing
when I got back so your clothes are on the washing line, you can go get them
there doll. You were explaining Zwelibanzi.‟ –Me.
„I am really sorry sthandwa…‟ –Zweli.
Just when I was going to hear what lies were going to come out of his mouth this
stupid Portia screams outside, well I guess she noticed that her clothes now look
like a hypnotizing wheel, lol.
Zweli runs outside to check on her and I go to our bedroom to get the sjambock
Nelly brought in for me earlier today.
When they come back in I don‟t even waste time I hit the crap out of Portia, I
beat her until she is on the floor and I pull her up by her weave, that I wouldn‟t
be surprised if Banzi bought, and I make sure that I satisfy myself with her. I
know I should be hitting both of them but Zweli is still my husband and I respect
him that much. I hit her until her top busts and she has bruises all over her body.
Zweli pushes me away and tries to hold me back from killing this bitch but
instead I give him a hard slap and push him on the kitchen cupboards, my hair is
all over my face and my eyes are filled with tears, I am looking at Portia on the
floor with great disgust.
Zweli tries to help her up.
He has the audacity!

I take one of the pots on the stove with hot soup and I pour it on her face! Nxi
and I leave her screaming on the floor, I hope her face burns! I leave to go get a
bin bag and I give it to her to put her clothes in it.
„Now leave my house!‟ –Me.
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„You are crazy! No wonder your husband cheats on you, damn psychopath!!!‟ she
says as she gets out.
I don‟t even waste time I grab the biggest knife we have in the house and walk
towards her, Zweli holds me back and takes the knife away.
„Salusiwe are you mad!!!‟ he shouts.
„Shut up, I will deal with you just now.‟ I say following Portia who ran out the
house so fast when she saw the knife, lol. She is already by the gate when I get
out so I decide to leave her.
„You better not come anywhere come near Hilton ever again especially not in my
house. And consider yourself fired bloody home–wrecker.!‟ I say going back in
the house.
Shame I wonder where she will get taxis to Cato Ridge at this time of the
evening lol, but it serves her right. No one fucks my husband and gets away with
it, let alone for 2 weeks never!
At this point I don‟t even have the energy to talk to Zweli; I don‟t want to see his
face. He walks in the room as I am changing the bed sheets and sits on the
stool–couch. He looks at me until I am done without saying a word to me.
„Salusiwe we need to talk.‟ –Zweli.
„Talk I am listening.‟ –Me.
„Before I even explain everything to you I want to say sorry sthandwa…‟ –Zweli.
„Don‟t call me that.‟ I say interrupting him from his apology.
„Okay. But I am deeply and sincerely sorry Salusiwe I didn‟t mean to hurt you in
any type of way, especially not like this it just happened.‟ –Zweli.
„Zweli I was gone for 2 weeks and you couldn‟t wait. Two weeks Zwelibanzi and
I come home I find another woman‟s clothes in my closet! What form of
disrespect is that!?‟ –Me, I am crying now and all these emotions and anger that I
was holding in is getting to me.
„Ngiyaxolisa MaNgcobo I am really sorry.‟ –Zweli.
„No you are not Zweli, you are not sorry.‟ –Me.
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„I am Salusiwe, I really am sorry.‟ –Zweli.

„Zweli just stop!!! You are not, I know you are not, you are only sorry because
you got caught Zwelibanzi. Tell me I am wrong, tell me!‟ I am shouting at him so
hard.
„Salusiwe don‟t be like this please.‟ He says trying to hold my arm.
„Don‟t! Touch me.‟ I say pulling back.
„Can you please find it in your heart to forgive me?‟ –Zweli.
„For how long Zweli?‟ I ask looking outside the bedroom window.
„What do you mean for how long?‟ –Zweli.
„For how long have you been seeing this girl?‟ I turn to look at him.
„It has been sometime.‟ –Zweli.
„Answer the damn question Zweli.‟ –Me.
„For about 8 month‟s now.‟ –Zweli.
„Are you fuckin‟ joking Zweli? You brought your mistress in my house and told
me she is your personal assistant, you even went to Cape Town with this girl for
an Investors Meeting if there was even such a meeting. I don‟t know what to
believe anymore Zwelibanzi.‟ I sit on the bed with tears falling.
„Ngiyaxolisa…‟ –Zweli.
„Will you stop saying that? Did you sleep with her?‟ –Me.
„My loves are you serious right now?‟ –Zweli.
„Did you or did you not have sex with her?‟ –Me.
„I did and I am sorry.‟ –Zweli.
„Just shut up okay. You disgust me Zweli. I was gone for 2 weeks and I come back
home to find out that my husband invited his mistress to keep him company.
What rubbish is that? If you were in my shoes Zwelibanzi what were you going
to do huh?‟ –Me.
„Love please don‟t, I would kill any man who comes near you.‟ –Zweli.
„Then you should‟ve let me kill Portia.‟
I stand up and leave.
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******
I wake up in the middle of the night, around 02:00 and I get in my car and I drive
away. I didn‟t even bother to tell Zweli I am leaving he will see in the morning
that I am gone. I took a few things with me and one big bag, he better not come
looking for me.
Within 45 minutes I am in Montclair.
HOOTER!!
„Salusiwe… Jesus what are you doing here at this time? Does Zweli know you are
here?‟ –Kwazi.
„Just open the gate Nokwazi!‟ –Me.
„Okay –okay.‟ –Kwazi.
We go to the lounge and sit there.
„What is wrong sis?‟ –Kwazi.
„Please don‟t tell Zweli I am here okay.‟ –Me.
„What happened? Should I wake mom? Should I be worried?‟ –Kwazi.
„Nokwazi no please don‟t, I will explain everything in the morning to everyone
okay, and I just want to sleep for now.‟ –Me.
„Okay.‟ She gives me a warm tight hug and we both leave to sleep. „Good night.‟
–Kwazi.
„Good night.‟ –Me.
*PHONE RINGING*
I am awoken by this loud ringing phone on my bed side; I look to check who it is.
„Nxi argh, it‟s Banzi.‟ I say as I ignore the call. I check the time and it is already
09:00, I can hear mom and Kwazi laughing in the kitchen I might as well wake up
and join them but first let me go check on my kids.
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I walk down the passage to their Nursery; Zweli insisted we do a nursery for
them at my mom‟s place, and I open the door, they are both still asleep.
I make way to the kitchen and the smell of bacon and cheese takes me to heaven.
„Mhmm, that smell is glorious!‟ –Me.
„Salusiwe!?‟ my mom, she seems rather shocked than happy to see me.
„Good morning people.‟ –Me.
„Good morning sis, how did you sleep?‟ –Kwazi.
„I slept well thanks Kwazi. Mom how is you?‟ –Me.
She is still looking at me like a stranger who broke in her house and acts like
nothing is going on.
„Salusiwe what are you doing here? And when did you get here!?‟ –Mom, okay
she is shouting now.
„Ma I came in last night. Kwazi opened for me.‟ –Me.
„Does your husband know you are here?‟ –Mom.
„No he doesn‟t, and I don‟t want him to know.‟ I say dismissing the question.
„What happened? You just came back from Italy and you should be with your
husband but you are here and he doesn‟t know about it. Is everything okay?‟
–Mom.
„Ma Zweli and I had a fight yesterday, so I couldn‟t sleep at the house.‟ –Me.
„What happened?‟ –Mom.
„Let‟s go to the lounge I will explain everything.‟ –Me.
„Well I came home around 13:30 yesterday although I was supposed to come back
at 19:00, our flight was re–scheduled. So I didn‟t tell Zweli because I wanted to
surprise him but instead I was the one in for a surprise.‟ I say.
„What do you mean?‟ –Kwazi.
I tell the whole story as it is to mom and Kwazi, from the clothes and bleaching
to the sjambock and the beating to the soup and the bin bag, everything.
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Half the time we were laughing as I tell the story but deep down in my heart I
am hurt and Zweli is the last person I want to talk to right now. My mom and
Kwazi comfort me and they promise not to tell Zweli I am here until I am ready
to talk to him.
„I just want to spend the day with my children and later on go see dad. How is he
by the way?‟ –Me.
„Every day we go to the hospital with the hopes that the doctor will tell us
something different that maybe he will be discharged or something but instead
they tell us he is getting worse.‟ –Mom.
I can see tears in her eyes and I hate to see my mom like this.
„Mom dad will be fine okay, today we will all go and visit him. He will be happy
to see us together again.‟ –Me.
******
Later on the evening we are leaving to visit dad at the hospital. My phone rings
somewhere on the bedroom table and I ignore it because I know it is Zweli, he
has been calling me all day long. It rings again and I ignore it, it rings about 5
more times and I get annoyed so I decide to answer.
Oh God 3 missed calls from Ndlalifa and 2 from Ntsika and another one from
Zweli. I should have answered.
„Hello.‟ –Me, I am speaking to Ntsika.
„Salusiwe we have been trying to get a hold of you, why don‟t you answer your
phone!?‟ –Ntsika, he sounds angry.
„I am sorry bhuti the phone was not near me.‟ –Me.
„Where are you?‟ –Ntsika.
„Why do you ask?‟ –Me.
„You left your husband in the middle of the night! We are worried sick about you
Salusiwe. Do you have any idea what you have put us through?‟ –Ntsika.
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„Don‟t be okay, I am fine where I am and don‟t come looking for me.‟ –Me.
„Why did you run away from Zwelibanzi?‟ –Ntsika.
„I didn‟t run away but I think Zweli will give you a better explanation as to why I
am not home. Don‟t call me again Ntsika.‟ –Me. I hang up.
I hope they don‟t decide to come here looking for me, I really don‟t have the
energy to deal with any of them especially not this husband of mine.
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Chapter 10: Death Be Not Proud

A week has passed and I haven‟t returned to my house, I have been travelling to
work every day from Durban to Pietermaritzburg. Zweli came here a countless
times looking for me but each time I told Kwazi to say I am not here, I can‟t even
face him right now. The only thing I see when I think of him is that Portia girl so
can you imagine what will happen when I actually see him.
Last week my dad was transmitted into ICU because he couldn‟t breathe at all
and his left lung was failing on him, I don‟t know what that means but the
doctors said that chances of him making it out alive are very slim. I can‟t lose my
dad though, a few years ago I lost the only brother I have and now it‟s my dad,
no!
My mom is preparing lunch when she receives a phone call. Kwazi and I are both
sitting at the lounge playing with Ntando and Sihlangu. We hear mom
screaming, actually crying so we both rush to the kitchen.
„Mommy what happened!?‟ –Me, I am panicking.
„No…no…not my husband no!!!‟ she keeps repeating that with tears overflowing
her eyes.
„Mama what happened?‟ –Kwazi.
„The hospital called… (she cries aloud) your father, your father is no longer with
us!!!‟ she cries even louder.
„No ma, mama no what do you mean? Dad cannot be dead!‟ –Me.
We are all crying now in this room and all these cries are making my children
cry, so I have to get myself together for their own sake. Kwazi just left the and
locked herself in her room, my mom is still crying but trying to contain herself
because she has to set up the mattress and candles to moan our dad.
This takes me back to a couple of years ago when Nkazimulo passed away, it was
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depressing and the same thing is happening right now. Since everyone is crying
someone has to prepare for the funeral and let the relatives know and my mom is
too weak to do all of that so I will do it, I can‟t even moan for my father.
Later during the day our family relatives come in one by one and giving their
condolences to mom and me, Nokwazi hasn‟t come out of her room since early
today. I have put the kids to sleep so they don‟t get depressed by all these cries
and negative energy around the house; it‟s not good for them.
„Sis have you contacted the funeral parlor?‟ –Aunt‟Deliwe, do you remember her
from my wedding!?
„Yes aunty I have.‟ –Me.
„And have you told your other family about this?‟ –Aunt‟Deliwe. I suppose she
means the Ngubane family.
„No but I will tell them soon.‟ –Me.
„When, that‟s what you said hours ago!!! Huh when? They should know by now
Salusiwe! The funeral is in two days‟ time!‟ –Aunt‟Deliwe.
Remember I told you that she never talks properly she is always screaming and
shouting, well there you have it. My father just passed away and she is shouting
at me.
„I will contact them now aunty.‟ –Me. I say leaving the room.
******
I wake up in the morning with 30 missed calls on my phone and they are all from
Zweli. I honestly did not hear the phone ring, I took sleeping pills yesterday. Oh
there is a message as well:
Why didn’t you tell me that your father passed away?
– It reads from Zweli. I don‟t have
time for this so I choose to ignore it. Just before I leave my bedroom to check on
Kwazi I get another message notification from Zweli:
My love I know you are still angry at me but please don’t shut me out like this. I am sorry about
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your father and please allow me to come there and comfort you. I am sorry and I love you
maNgcobo. I will arrive with my brothers later during the day. Take care.

„Why does he even bother Nxi?‟ I say to myself and leave the bedroom.
So today Kwazi and I are preparing for the Memorial Service, by the way I
managed to get her out of that room. The service will start at about 19:00 and end
at 20:00, hopefully. But with my dad being a humble well known man who served
his community I doubt, everyone who knew him will want to say something to
him. I also have to prepare a eulogy for tomorrow, since I am the eldest I have to
say something on behalf of his children. I haven‟t spent time with my kids since
Tuesday, I feel like I have deserted them but it is a good thing that there are kids
around here so they can play with someone.
******
I am walking down the passage to the lounge and I can hear my aunts speaking in
the kitchen:
„Who are those people Deliwe?‟ –Aunt Celina.
„In such big and fancy cars, that looks like Zwelibanzi.‟ –Aunt Nomusa.
„The one in the white shirt is indeed Zweli and the others are his brothers.‟ –Aunt
Deliwe.
„Let me go welcome them.‟ –Aunt Celina.
„That won‟t be necessary aunty, thank you but I will see to them.‟ I say stopping
her from going to them.
„You must tell them to come in for cakes and tea Salusiwe.‟ –Aunt Deliwe.
I choose to ignore that thought.
I go outside and I can see Banzi already carrying Sihlangu with one arm and
holding Ntando by her hand, I can tell he missed them.
It was wrong of me to deprive him of seeing his children but so was he for
inviting another woman in my house while I was away.
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He can see me as I approach to where they parked their cars outside the gate, I
don‟t know why they came in different cars when they could have used one car to
get here. They came in Zweli‟s Range Rover and in Ndlalifa‟s Fortuner.
He sees me and he flashes a smile but I don‟t return the smile so his disappears
immediately. I walk closer and he meets me halfway.
„Sthandwa sami.‟ He says trying to give me a hug.
„Good day Zweli.‟ –Me.
„How are you? Why didn‟t you tell me your father passed away, I had to find out
from Bhekifa who found out from Xolile who found out from Nokwazi!‟ –Zweli.
I don‟t know why he is shouting at me. He is making me angrier.
„I don‟t have the energy to do this Zwelibanzi. I have to prepare for my father‟s
Memorial Service so please. What are you doing here?‟ –Me.
„Salusiwe we need to talk.‟ –Zweli.
„And now is not the right time Zweli! I have a lot of things to do okay.‟ –Me. Just
after that tears fall from my eyes, I don‟t know why I am crying and I am causing
a scene now everyone is looking at us.
„Sthandwa Sami I am sorry, I know this is a hard time for you. I am sorry I am
being inconsiderate.‟ –Zweli, he says pulling me closer giving me a tight hug.
I have missed his gentle manliness, he smells good too. He holds me tighter when
he notices that I am not pushing him away. People are walking up and about and
we are standing in front of the gate hugging. He pushes me further from him and
wipes my tears.
„I love you Salusiwe, more than anything in this world.‟ –Zweli.
He then leaves me and goes inside the house, to console my mom and Kwazi I
suppose.
******
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Later on and the memorial service has started. Zweli and his brothers didn‟t
leave, I wonder where they will sleep but oh well Bhekifa has a house at
UMhlanga Rocks.
My sister is giving a speech about our dad and she is crying but I don‟t have the
strength to comfort her instead I break down too; I stand up and go to my room.
*KNOCK ON THE DOOR*
The door opens but I didn‟t order anyone to come in. It is Zweli, why did he
follow me though. I am curled up in my bed with tears over flowing; he sits next
to where my head is laid and brushes my back gently.
„Zweli please leave me, I want to be alone.‟ –Me.
„I will not leave you here like this sthandwa, forget it.‟ –Zweli, he says as he lifts
me up and puts me on top of him
„I can‟t understand though why you chose not to tell me about your father‟s
passing Salusiwe.‟ –he says with a stiff face, I know this Zweli and I don‟t like
this side of him.
„I thought you didn‟t care about me Banzi.‟ –Me.
„How can you think like that though!?‟ he shouts.
„Please don‟t shout at me Zweli.‟ –Me.
„I am sorry but I just can‟t understand why my wife would think I don‟t care
about her, she is my wife for heaven‟s sake! Fine Salusiwe I wronged you and I
slept with another woman in your house, in your bed and you have every right to
be angry at me but thinking that I don‟t care about you is overboard.‟ –Zweli.
„I know Zweli but my father‟s death just took us all by surprise and the fact that I
had to deal with what you did and also look after my children and also comfort
mom and Kwazi, it is too much Zweli and I can‟t do it any longer I can‟t!‟ –Me, I
am beginning to cry uncontrollably and Zweli just holds me tighter and tells me
everything will be fine.
„I love you Salusiwe and I am sincerely sorry for bringing Portia into our house. I
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miss you my love and I want you to come back home with our children, I
promise I will fix things my love.‟ –Zweli.
„I can‟t come back Zweli. We still need to sit down and talk about what
happened.‟ –Me.
„I know and we will but can we do it in our own space? Just in case you decide to
drop a pot with boiling soup on my face too we are in our house where no one can
see.‟ –Zweli.
We both laugh.
„Don‟t try and be funny Zweli.‟ –Me.
______
The funeral came and went and we buried our father in great humanity and
dignity. Now I have to go back to my normal life and sort things out with my
husband so we can make up for lost time with our children.
Zweli is coming around 12:00 to pick the kids and me so we can go back to Hilton.
I have missed my house; I haven‟t been there for almost a month.
„Salu my child, please work things out with your husband.‟ –Mom.
„I will mama.‟ –Me.
„Tell him how you felt about everything and what led you to leave the house so
he knows and that he will never do it again and also you need to humble yourself,
he is your husband after all.‟ –Mom.
„No sjambock and boiling soups this time around sis.‟ –Kwazi. We all laugh.
„I gave that girl a piece of me, she knows me well wherever she is and she will
warn others about me.‟ –Me.
„You have got courage shame my sister, I would never have hit her with a
sjambock and bleach her clothes, let alone burn her face!‟ –Kwazi. We all laugh.
„I even gave Zwelibanzi a slap when he tried to pull me away from that girl.‟
–Me.
„It was the anger; you know when you are angry you don‟t think.‟ –Mom.
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„I will miss these cute munchies, they are so extra though!‟ –Kwazi says as she
picks both Ntando and Sihlangu up.
„They can make you run around the whole house these two! I had enough!‟
–Mom.
„But they kept us good company mama.‟ –Kwazi.
„Will you two be fine?‟ –Me.
„Yes we will be fine Salusiwe, just focus on building up your marriage, Kwazi and
I can take care of ourselves dear.‟ –Mom.
„I am just a phone call away if you need anything okay.‟ –Me.
„Thank you Salusiwe.‟ –Mom.
„Remind your husband about my job when you have reconciled!‟ –Kwazi. We
both laugh.
„I will sis.‟ –Me.
******
We arrive in Hilton around 17:45 and the kids are both fast asleep in their car
seats. The always fall asleep when we travel, I guess there is something in the
way Banzi drives. By the way we were travelling in a new BMW x6, in this
family we live to buy new cars and just so you know this one is also black, all
Zweli‟s cars are black.
We get inside the house and I put Ntando and Sihlangu in their respected rooms
while Zweli takes the bags out of the boot.
I take off my shoes and throw myself on top of my bed, not noticing that Zweli is
behind me. He laughs.
„I guess changing the bed sheets and the Linen worked or else you wouldn‟t throw
yourself like that on the bed.‟ –Zweli.
„Are we really going there now?‟ I say sitting up straight.
„You said we needed to talk and I want us to do it now. I can‟t wait any longer to
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fix things with my wife.‟ He says coming closer to where I am sitting.

„I was not happy with what you did Zweli.‟ –Me.
Okay we are getting serious now.
„I know and I didn‟t expect you to be. I was wrong, really wrong but you don‟t
have to worry about anything. I have cut her off and there will be no other
woman love.‟ –Zweli.
„There better not be Zweli or else I will leave you, for good next time.‟ –Me.
„I know you mean that!‟ –Zweli. We both laugh.
We continue to talk about our issues and we reconcile after that, I have missed
my husband.
„I need to take a shower.‟ –Me.
„Let me join you.‟ He says following me to the bathroom.
The minute we enter the bathroom my robe is already on the floor and we are
both naked, the hot water runs smooth on our skin, we hold each other tight and
he lays my head on his chest, he covers my body with his hands and allows me to
cry.
„I know you didn‟t moan for your father babe, and half the blame is on me.‟
–Zweli.
Tears just fall uncontrollably after he said that.
„It is okay sthandwa you can cry all you want and let it all out.‟ He says holding
me tighter. I cry until tears can‟t come out any more, and after that we begin to
have sex, yes in the shower.
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Chapter 11: The Joys of Being His Wife

Friday 28th: November 2024
„My love… love wake up.‟ –Zweli says shaking me.
„What now!‟ –Me.
I open my eyes and the room is filled with many balloons floating everywhere
and I can see all three of them wearing t–shirts written “happy birthday
mommy”– Zweli‟s has happy, Ntando‟s has Birthday and Sihlangu‟s has
Mommy.
They all sing happy birthday to me (horribly) but it‟s priceless and it makes me
happy, I can‟t even see them properly with all these balloons around.
„Thank you.‟ I say giving each one of them a kiss on the cheek.
„Well babe you better wake up because we have got a long day ahead of us.‟
–Zweli.
„What are we doing?‟ –Me. I say eating a cupcake Sihlangu gave me.
„You will find out soon but all I can say is that we are flying to Cape Town.‟
–Zweli says and leaves the room.
What!
I follow him to the kitchen where he prepared this huge breakfast,
„What do you mean we are flying to Cape Town?‟ –Me.
„I mean that we will go to the airport take a plane and go to Cape Town.‟ –Zweli.
He says it like there is nothing wrong with that, this guy!
„Zwelibanzi are you crazy?‟ –Me.
„No I don‟t think so; I just want my wife to have the best birthday ever.‟ –Zweli.
„What about my kids Zweli, who will look after them?‟ –Me.
„Relax we are taking them with us!‟ –Zweli.
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„Huh?‟ –Me.
„Will you just relax and enjoy your day. I made you breakfast.‟ –Zweli, he says
leading me to the lounge.
This guy is insane.
„When did you plan all of this?‟ –Me
„For about a year, babe you are turning 30 it‟s a big deal okay.‟ –Zweli.
Well he‟s got a point there, I am turning 30 and I look blazing hot you wouldn‟t
say. I always do something big when it‟s one of their birthdays so I guess I also
deserve a treat, but Cape Town…
Zweli and I have been together for 7 years now and I must say our marriage has
been nothing but beautiful, well we have encountered many difficulties but we
have made it thus far. We have 2 amazing children: Ntandokayise is 7 years old
now and in grade 1 – she goes to Wickham Collegiate in Montross, do you
remember how I judged Ntsika for taking Mahle to an expensive school, Ntando
goes to the same school now.
Thou Shalt Not Judge…
Sihlangu is 5 years old and goes to Kids College in Hilton. My life has turned out
to be perfect and I am one lucky woman, I mean it‟s not every day you randomly
fly to Cape Town to celebrate a birthday.
Well my husband is rich (successful) and has high standards. He owns about 3
multi–million businesses and a Mall on top of that. He recently started venturing
in Property and he takes care of all expenses in the house, my salary is for me to
spend (that‟s what he said). I recently bought a car, for myself this time around.
A matt black Jaguar, you know this family and black cars.
******
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The time is 12:15 and we are on a plane to Cape Town, these kids are sleeping on
their father‟s lap and he keeps giving me glances and telling me I look beautiful
and that he loves me.
We land 3 hours later and we get in his Range Rover…
wait how the hell did his car get here?!
I have been to Cape Town before with Zweli and we normally go to a hotel but
this time around I noticed we took a route to a place with houses (homes I mean).
„Where are we going babe?‟ –Me.
„We are going home?‟ –Zweli, he doesn‟t even look at me he focuses his eyes on
the road and drives.
„We have a home in Cape Town now?‟ –Me.
„I told you to relax and enjoy your day Salusiwe.‟ –Zweli.
He has been on his phone since we landed minutes; he seems to be texting with
someone.
We join a narrow road with a big board written “welcome to Beach Home”; I can
see the beautiful sea and big palm trees and white sand. We turn left and a big
gate opens automatically and I can see a big beautiful house from where we are,
it‟s a triple story I can tell and it has the lounge wall in glass. It looks amazing.
We drive for about 2 minutes and pass a double row of Bluegum Trees till we
reach the garage and he parks the car.
„Babe what are we doing here?‟ –I ask jumping out the car. He grabs me by my
arm and instead of us going inside the house we go around the house, Ntando and
Sihlangu follow us.
We approach a huge garden filled with many people, I know them. My mom is
there, Kwazi is there the Ngubane Clan is here everyone I know is here even my
best friend Zama is here!
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I mean getting a hold of Zama is a real struggle.

„What is going on Zweli?‟ –Me, now I am just confused how did all these people
get here?
„My love, I know I wasted half your birth day by making you sit in a plane for 3
hours but I wanted to show you your birthday gift, since I couldn‟t bring it to
you, I had to bring you to it.‟ –Zweli.
Everyone is smiling here and they seem to have known about this except for me.
Kwazi and Zama are going to get it from me when all of this is done!
„What gift Banzi?‟ I ask nervously.
He pulls me by the arm next to the back door and stands in front of me.
„Happy 30th birthday sthandwa...‟ –Zweli, he says handing me house keys.
This guy is so extreme though he bought me a house in Cape Town for my
birthday! Not that I am complaining but wow!
„Wait babes are you serious right now?‟ –Me.
„Yes I am serious, I bought you a beach house my love. I know how much you
love the beach so I thought I should buy you a house here. Do you like it?‟
–Zweli.
„I love it! Thank you my love.‟ – say hugging him and we kiss.
„And all these people knew about it?‟ –Me.
„Yeah they all knew about it.‟ –Zweli.
„You are so sneaky!‟ I say pushing him away.
We get inside the house and it looks amazing, the dining room is set and
prepared, I think we are having a party because I can see gift bags and a cake.
„Let‟s go to our room.‟ He says pulling me upstairs.
The room is at the end of the hall way. He opens and we get inside the room, I
cannot even find the words to describe it, it looks amazing. There is a big bed in
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the middle with a huge closet behind it. The floor is all wooden and there is a
fluffy carpet. It has a sliding door that leads you to the balcony and you see the
ocean view. One side of the wall is all glass. The wall in front of us has a huge
picture of Zweli and me at our old house. I remember the day we took this
picture, well Ntando did. I am sleeping on his chest and have my arms around his
waist and he was smiling looking at me. It looks amazing.
I am so in love with this house.
We then go downstairs to join the others.
I find everyone there helping themselves with festivities and just when I was
about to leave to put Sihlangu to bed, Kwazi comes with a big cake with number
30 on it. It has already lit candles forming the no 30, everyone sings for me even
Ndlalifa and they had gifts. My mom bought me a pair of Louis Viton heels;
Kwazi gave me a shopping voucher and many more. Well Banzi, he bought me a
beach house and no one can top that.
______
The next day it‟s just me and Zweli in the kitchen, the rest of our family slept at
the hotel except for my mom and Kwazi.
„When are we going back to Hilton? I have to go to work on Monday.‟ –Me.
„You don‟t have to go back to that workplace of yours.‟ –he says dismissing the
topic.
„What do you mean by that? I have to go to work.‟ –Me.
„I don‟t want you to work!‟ –Zweli.
„Excuse me!?‟ –Me.
„Yes Salusiwe I don‟t want you to work, I don‟t like the idea of you adhering to
someone else.‟ –Zweli.
Is this guy insane? There is no way I am leaving my job, I love my job!
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„Well too bad Zweli because on Monday I am going to work.‟ –Me.

„I want you to hand in a resignation letter and quit your job.‟ –Zweli.
„That is not going to happen, I love my job.‟ –Me.
„I want you to stay at home and raise our children; I don‟t want you to run
around because someone ordered you to Salusiwe. I can take care of things here at
home you don‟t have to do anything my love.‟ –Zweli.
Well it‟s not like I am contributing anything with my salary, he does take care of
everything, from the school fees to the groceries to monthly expenses,
everything.
„But my love what will I do all day?‟ –Me.
„You will do shopping like you always do, change your hair and do your nails. I
don‟t know spend money.‟ –Zweli.
Talk about being a rich housewife.

„No babe I can‟t just sit around and do nothing all day.‟ –Me.
„But you will be looking after our kids.‟ –Zweli.
„Sihlangu and Ntando are in school most of the time, I only see them late when
they come back home.‟ –Me.
„We are still going to have many more children Salusiwe.‟ –Zweli.
He said that with a very serious face. I don‟t want to have more than 3 children
but my husband here wants a soccer club!
„I know but still, I love my job.‟ –Me.
„Okay fine Salusiwe! You will start your own business but I don‟t want you
working for someone.‟ –Zweli.
„That is fine by me, as long as you are going to help me with it.‟ –Me, I say
leaving the kitchen.
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„Geez! This woman…‟ –Zweli.

„I heard that!‟ I scream across the room.
******
Later on during the day Zweli left with the kids I don‟t know where they went
but it‟s just me, mom and Kwazi.
Mom and Kwazi are sitting on the outside patio looking over the beach and
listening to waves, the scenery here is beautiful. The blue sea and the white sand
just correspond so well and there are no people here walking up and about.
Basically my backyard is a beach. A private beach might I add, lol.
„Let me join you guys.‟ I say sitting on the outside couch.
„You are very lucky my child. To have a husband who treats you like a queen and
loves you so much.‟ –Mom.
„Thank you mom, but sometimes he makes me regrets marrying him.‟ –Me.
That is true, like the time he beat me and the time he brought Portia into our
house.
„Not many men buy their wives cars and beach front houses. He loves you.‟
–Mom.
„I know mama and I love him too.‟ I say smiling.
„You need to give him his place as a man dear. If he tells you to do something or
not to do something you must be submissive. That is how my marriage with your
father worked.‟ –Mom.
May his soul rest in peace…
„Your marriage with daddy was amazing ma. We all aspire to be like that one day
when we get married.‟ –Kwazi.
„Zweli told me to leave my job this morning.‟ –Me.
„I would grab the opportunity with both hands!‟ –Kwazi.
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This girl though.

„No Kwazi I love my job.‟ –Me.
„But it‟s not like you are doing anything constructive with your salary.‟ –Kwazi.
She has a point.
„I know but still. He told me to start my own business if I fear being bored.‟ –Me.
„You should dear, not many women have that opportunity.‟ –Mom.
Maybe they are right, if my husband is willing to do everything then so be it. Let
me just sit back and enjoy spending his money. I sound so cheesy.
„Take the opportunity girl, I know he will give you an allowance and we can
spend it!‟ –Kwazi.
„No you need to find yourself a man you can also spend their money, not my
husband‟s.‟ –Me.
„Nokwazi you are 28 and you have no man, at least I haven‟t heard you speak of
anyone. When are you getting married so we can spend your husband‟s money?‟
–Mom.
„Mom I haven‟t found the right one.‟ –Kwazi.
„Who exactly is the right one?‟ –Me.
„Someone like Zweli you know. Who will spoil me and tell me not to work and
give me beautiful kids and buy me a house in Dubai and love me, you know what
I mean.‟ –Kwazi.
Mom and I look at each other and we can‟t help but laugh. This girl is mad for
sure.
„I feel sorry for you my angel; you will get a man from deep within KwaZulu
who will demand you to live in the rural and bear 10 children for him. I am
talking about someone who will force you to cook real Zulu food on the open
fire.‟ –Mom. We all laugh.
„Never shame, not me. I will marry a handsome man from England.‟ –Kwazi.
„This girl needs help mom.‟ I say laughing.
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„Mommy look at what daddy got me!‟ –Ntando, she says jumping up and down
the lounge.
It‟s a laptop.
„He bought you a laptop princess! That is so beautiful.‟ –Me.
It‟s one of those educational laptops you buy at Game Stores.
„Come here let‟s see how that thing works Kayise.‟ –Kwazi.
That‟s how my sister calls her “Kayise”.
„Sthandwa sami we are leaving tomorrow morning. Mom and Kwazi are leaving
with us?‟ –Zweli.
„No they are staying for another week, Kwazi is on leave.‟ –Me.
„Where are they staying?‟ –Zweli.
„I think at a hotel.‟ –Me.
„No ma it‟s fine you can continue to stay in our house.‟ –Zweli.
„Are you sure mkhwenyana?‟ –Mom.
„Yes ma I am sure.‟ He says leaving with Sihlangu.
He bought him a play station, he is only 5 years old and he bought him a play
station. How the hell is he going to use that!?
______
Today I handed my resignation letter at work and I think it is safe to say I am
officially unemployed. I am preparing dinner for my family and Sihlangu is in
his room playing with his play station, Ntando will arrive later with Zweli since
she has swimming lessons on Fridays.
INTERCOM BELL
I go outside to see who is it and it is Mahle and Ntsika! I haven‟t seen this dear
child in ages.
She looks so grown, she is 18 years now and doing her matric. She is no longer
chubby but she still has her braces, she looks beautiful, more like her father. I
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have grown to notice that they are more dominant on their kids than us –the
wives. She went to study her high school at a boarding school in Cape Town,
Cowan House so that is why we don‟t see her as often now. Her brother now
lives in New Zealand due to work, he is a Mechanical Engineer.
„Aunty Salu!!!‟ she screams at the gate. I rush to open the gate.
„Hello my angel!‟ I give her a tight hug.
„I haven‟t seen you in ages! Look at you all grown up.‟ –Me.
„I know aunty. I missed you so much and that‟s why I asked daddy to bring me
here. I am sorry I couldn‟t make it to your 30th birthday celebration. We were
busy with exams in school.‟ –Mahle.
This girl‟s accent is beyond measure, I can‟t even hear a word she says.
„It‟s okay angel. Come let‟s go inside.‟ –Me.
„I see I have become invisible.‟ –Ntsika.
„Oh sorry bhuti, how are you?‟ –Me.
„Whatever. I am going to the garage I will be back soon.‟ He says and leaves.
„So when did you get here?‟ –Me.
„I arrived yesterday. I told daddy to bring me here today because I had to see my
favorite aunt!‟ –Mahle.
„Thank you, you look amazing by the way and I see you still got them braces.‟ I
say laughing.
„These braces are my trademark. So you still have two kids?‟ –Mahle.
„Yes I do, just Ntando and Sihlangu.‟ –Me.
„I am sure they are so grown now.‟ –Mahle.
„Yes a lot, Ntando is in grade 7 and Sihlangu is 5.‟ –Me.
„Where are they?‟ –Mahle.
„Oh Sihlangu is in his room and Ntando will arrive later on with her dad, she has
swimming lessons on Fridays at school.‟ –Me.
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„Let me go see Sihlangu then, I will see Ntando later.‟ –Mahle.

„How is your mom doing? Since she got another baby we don‟t see her that
much.‟ –Me.
Yes Zanele got another baby, a girl too.
„That woman, she is fine.‟ –Mahle.
„You still don‟t like her Amahle.‟ –Me.
„Not that I don‟t like her, I mean she is my mom and I love her but she is too
strict! Even now, no partying Amahle, stay away from boys Amahle, I don‟t like
your friends…‟ –Mahle.
This girl is something else.
„That‟s only because she loves you Amahle.‟ –Me.
„I feel sorry for my little sister.‟ –Mahle.
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Chapter 12: Why Did I Get Married?

I am driving on my way back home from the hospital, I am so content and I can‟t
wait to get home and tell everyone the good news!
*PHONE CALL*
„Hello mommy!‟ I answer excitedly.
„Hi angel, I thought I should call and ask how your trip to the doctor was?‟
–Mom.
„Mom it was okay, well I got good news!‟ –Me.
„Please share the news dear!‟ –Mom.
„I am pregnant with twins‟ mommy!!!‟ –Me.
„That is wonderful news angel! Oh I can‟t wait to know their gender. Maybe its
boys or a boy and a girl or maybe it‟s both girls.‟ –Mom.
„We will find out soon ma, for now I just can‟t wait to tell Zweli all about it. He
doesn‟t even know I am pregnant mom.‟ –Me.
„He will be so happy.‟ –Mom.
„I know can I call you later mom?‟ –Me.
„Okay no problem angel. Take care.‟ –Mom.
„Bye mommy.‟ I hang up.
I get inside the house and both Sihlangu and Ntando are home but Zweli is
nowhere to be seen. Maybe he had to rush back to work, so I decide to start my
wifely duties. I prepare dinner for the family and help the kids with their
homework, the time is 20:00 and it‟s their bed time and still Zweli hasn‟t returned
home, he is not even answering my calls and Sihlangu keeps asking me when is
daddy coming back home, I am running out of things to say. I don‟t know if I
should be worried.
23:45 and I am still up, I am sitting in the lounge waiting for Zweli to walk in that
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door. I have a bottle of wine with me, I know this is dangerous for my babies but
I need it at this moment to keep me calm.
I got back from the hospital and took my time preparing dinner for him, so where
the hell is he? He sent me a SMS earlier on saying he has some business files to
prepare for tomorrow‟s meeting. There is just one shot left in this glass, he must
not make me break it! I never broke one promise and I know when he is not
honest…
He better have a good excuse as to why he hasn‟t returned home till this time!
The kitchen door opens; I can hear him trying to get in without making noise.
It‟s a good thing I kept the lights off he can‟t see me here. He walks past the
dining room to the lounge…
„Where the hell were you?‟ I ask. He is shocked when he sees me; he turns on the
lights and sits far away from me.
„Sthandwa sami. I told you not to wait up for me.‟ –Zweli.
„I said where the hell was you?‟ I ask standing up.
„I had to sort out some files love…‟ –Zweli.
„You smell of a woman Zwelibanzi.‟ I say sitting next to him.
„No, I was at the office.‟ –Zweli.
„Don‟t come and sleep in my room. You disgust me.‟ I stand up and leave.
When I get in our bedroom I can‟t help but cry, he is doing it again, he is sleeping
with another woman again.
I wake up nice and early the next day and prepare everything for my children and
I take them to school, usually Zweli takes them to school but I will do it myself
today! Good thing it‟s a Friday, I will go to Durban and visit mom and Kwazi. I
will pick up the kids early and we will drive off to Durban together.
*****
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We arrive at Montclair around 17:15, I can see Kwazi‟s car which means she is
home, good because I want us to go out tonight. Just before I enter the gate I
receive a SMS from Zweli:
sthandwa where are you? I missed you this morning so I came home early so we could talk. I
am sorry and I love you!

„You can also feel what I felt when you left me the whole night!‟ –Me.
„Mom is everything okay?‟ –Ntando.
„Yes princess. Come let‟s all go see gogo and aunty Kwazi.‟ I say as I park the car.
Mom is always happy to see my children and they love coming here too. While
they jump up and down playing with mom, Kwazi and I go to her room.
„What happened?‟ –Kwazi.
„I think Zweli is seeing another woman.‟ –Me.
„What makes you think that?‟ –Kwazi.
„Last night he came home very late around 24:00 I think and he smelt of a
woman.‟ –Me.
„So you think he is cheating?‟ –Kwazi.
„Yes I do. I asked him and he said he was at the office preparing for a meeting he
had today so he says.‟ –Me.
„Did you tell him you are pregnant?‟ –Kwazi.
„No I didn‟t. I couldn‟t tell him Nokwazi, I was so angry that I just wanted to
leave the house that is why the kids and I are here.‟ –Me.
„I am sorry sis wami but let‟s hope he is not, for now forget about him and let‟s
enjoy our weekend together.‟ She lightens up.
She gives me a tight hugs and tells everything will be okay, I hope so.
„You are right.‟ –Me.
„Well I have got good news!!!‟ –she says excitedly.
„What is it? Tell me–tell me!‟ –Me.
„Well as you know Jack and I have been seeing each other for more than 4 years
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now…‟ –Kwazi
By the way Jack is Kwazi‟s boyfriend, they met a few years ago during Banzi‟s
business dinners, and I usually take her because Banzi does not have time for me
he has to entertain his colleagues and also Kwazi was so keen on meeting rich
business men.
„So a few days ago he went down on his knee and asked me to be his wife!‟
–Kwazi.
I scream loud that mom comes to ask if everything is okay, lol.
„Are you serious girl?‟ –Me.
„Yes I am, but mom doesn‟t know as yet. I don‟t know how to tell her.‟ –Kwazi.
„OMG Kwazi, I am so happy for you!‟ –Me.
„He said I must tell my mom that he wants to conduct lobola negotiations and
respect my culture and he wants to do it next month.‟ –Kwazi.
„I am so happy for you! We have to tell mom the good news Kwazi.‟ –Me.
„Yeah we will tell her tomorrow.‟ –Kwazi.
I have been getting calls from Zweli since this morning and I ignored all of them,
but he sent another SMS:
okay I can see you are not willing to come back home but please bring my kids back and you can
go wherever you want to go, no one will bother you.

I will not do that! If he wants his kids he will come fetch them here!
******
The next day mom decided to take the kids to the Mall so it‟s just Kwazi and I.
„Did you speak to Zweli last night?‟ –Kwazi.
„No and I don‟t want to talk to him.‟ –Me.
„You are ignoring him?‟ –Kwazi.
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„Yes I am. He sent me a message saying I must bring back his kids and continue
with whatever no one will bother me.‟ –Me.
It‟s funny how I haven‟t cried about the situation at all given that I am an
emotional wreck.
„How can he say that though? It‟s kind of hard to believe that‟s him.‟ –Kwazi.
„Well he said it, and if he wants his kids he will come here and fetch them!‟ –Me.
About 2 hours later, mom and the kids still haven‟t retuned.
*HOOTER*
„Someone is by the gate Kwazi, did you invite anyone?‟ I ask calling her.
„No I did not.‟ She says as we both go out to see who it is.
When we go outside, it is Zwelibanzi. He gets out the car and comes nearer the
gate.
„What are you doing here?‟ –Kwazi.
„Open this gate Nokwazi!‟ –Zweli.
„What do you want Zweli?!‟ –Kwazi.
„If you know what is good for you, you will open this gate!‟ –Zweli.
Why is he shouting at my sister?
„I want my kids dammit! Open this damn gate!!‟ –Zweli.
„They are not here Zweli.‟ –Me.
„Salusiwe give me my kids now before I go mad!‟ –Zweli.
„Go mad and see if we care but the kids are not here.‟ –Me.
„SALUSIWE!!!‟ –Zweli.
„You will not shout at my sister like that Zweli!‟ –Kwazi.
„Then I suggest you open the gate and let me get my children and go.‟ –Zweli.
„Salu told you, they are not here.‟ –Kwazi.
„Open for him Kwazi, let him see that they are not here so he can go and behave
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like a mad cow somewhere else.‟ –Me.

Kwazi opens the gate and he looks everywhere, he shouts their names all around
the house and finds no one.
„Where are they?‟ –Zweli.
„You said you wanted you kids now you can see they are not here so can you go!‟
–Me.
He strangles my neck and presses me against the wall: „I will come back for them,
dear.‟ He then leaves.
I am on the kitchen floor crying and rubbing my neck.
„He is such an idiot! Did he hurt you?‟ –Kwazi, she tries to help me up.
„Is he gone?‟ –Me.
„Yes, did he hurt you?‟ –Kwazi.
„No he didn‟t but my neck hurts a little.‟ –Me.
„Maybe you need to go to the clinic and check if there was any damage to your
pregnancy.‟ –Kwazi.
„No Nokwazi I am fine. Please don‟t tell mom any of this.‟ –Me.
„Okay.‟ –Kwazi.
The next day, it is Sunday. We all woke up and went to church as a family and
we prepared a nice Sunday meal, the kids and I will leave at 15:00.
Just when we were enjoying our family time and we just told mom the great
news about Kwazi‟s engagement, this husband of mine comes again. This time he
is not shouting he is not causing unnecessary drama as a matter of fact he is too
calm. I bet something is up, I know Zweli and when he is too calm that means he
is very angry.
He comes up to the veranda where we are all sitting.
„Good day.‟ –Zweli. Only mom answers him, Kwazi and I just look away.
„Can you please get your things we are going home now...‟ –Zweli.
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„…no we are still having lunch.‟ –Me.

„Salusiwe get your things we are going home.‟ –Zweli.
„We didn‟t ask you to come get us Zweli; I can drive to Hilton with my kids
alone.‟ –Me.
„That was not a request sis, it‟s an order.‟ –Zweli.
Things are getting a bit intense here and mom looks confused and I don‟t want
the same thing that happened yesterday happen in my mom‟s presence so I will
cooperate.
„Go get your bags Ntando and Sihlangu, daddy came to fetch us.‟ –Me.
„Salusiwe…‟ –Kwazi.
„It‟s fine Nokwazi. I will get someone to pick up my car tomorrow.‟ I say
standing up. „Mom bye, it was great spending the weekend with you.‟
„Okay dear, travel safe.‟ –Mom.
And within minutes we are gone.
The drive back home is intense, no one is talking, Zweli has his eyes fixed on the
road and I have my earphones on. The kids picked up on the situation and they
are not talking as well. Sihlangu decided to sleep and Ntando is playing a game
on her brother‟s PSP.
I thought we were going straight home but I noticed we took a turn to Montross,
Ntsika‟s house. Why are we even going there?
When we pull up at Ntsika‟s house he tells me to stay in the car but he takes
Ntando and Sihlangu with him, this is strange. I sit in the car and after about 10
minutes, he comes back alone, gets in the car and drives.
„Where are my kids?‟ –Me.
„They are not here.‟ He says.
Oh so we are playing that game now, okay.
But I choose to keep quiet and let him be.
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We arrive at our house and the only thing I want to do is take a bath and sleep, I
will not even cook today. I unpack all the bags and I go for a shower.
I wrap my body with a towel and wipe the floor so it is not slippery and wet. The
door opens, suddenly my heart beats fast, I don‟t know why. He grabs me by my
waist and turns me to face him. He is stiff and his grip istight, his face is tense
and he is biting his jaws –I can tell by the veins on his forehead, I know this
Zweli and I don‟t like him. He pulls my face to his and lets out a sigh, now I am
really scared.
„You seem to have forgotten who I am.‟ He says holding my face closer to his. I
choose to stay silent.
„You don‟t know your role as my wife anymore and you disrespect Me.‟ he raises
his voice.
I feel tears coming.
He grabs the back of my neck tight and holds me against the wall.
„You are hurting me Zweli.‟ I cry out.
„Where do you get the nerve to disrespect me in my house? I am your husband
for heaven‟s sake! How dare you take my kids away from me Salusiwe!? How
dare you belittle me like that at your mother‟s house?‟ he shouts in my face.
I can‟t hold these tears any longer they begin to fall. I think he is about to do it
again, he promised he was never going to do it again but I think he will. I feel the
first punch on my stomach, it pains! The only thing I am thinking now is my
unborn twins; he is going to hurt my babies. He beats my neck, my back, my
thighs and every single part of my body except for my face. I cried out helplessly
hoping he was going to realise the damage he is doing, since there was a heavy
flow of blood running down my legs.
He looks at me with shock and I look at him with tears in my eyes, I lay still on
the cold tile floor, and there on the corner of the bathroom a pool of thick blood is
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splashed, I can see things like toes or fingers I am not sure, and he can see it too I
know for sure. I give out a loud cry when I feel a sharp pain on my back and on
my abdomen area. He seems to be panicking; he notices what he has done. He
leaves me laying there on the bathroom floor helpless.
After what seems like forever I try to get up and I clean the blood on the floor
and I throw away the towel with the blood, I take another quick shower and I
rush myself to the hospital, the pains are getting worse. On my way there I called
Nokwazi and I told her about everything, she said she is on her way but I urged
her not to tell mom anything.
The nurses rush me to do an ultra –sound scan and thereafter I am taken to a
ward.
„Mrs. Ngubane.‟ Someone calls out. „Mrs. Ngubane...‟ again but this time they are
shaking my body.
I think I dozed off; it‟s the pills they gave me. I open my eyes and it‟s the Doctor.
He smiles, „How are you feeling?‟ –Him.
„I am fine but my back still hurts a little.‟ –Me.
„You should be fine tomorrow.‟ –Doctor.
„Doctor, are my twins fine?‟ –Me, I feel tears coming.
He looks at me and grabs a chair and sits down, this can‟t be good.
„I think you should rest now, I will let you know tomorrow morning.‟ –Doctor.
„No! I want to know now.‟ –Me.
„Okay Mrs. Ngubane, I am afraid but you lost one of the twins and the other we
are a bit unsure at this stage if they will make it, I am sorry.‟ –he says holding my
hand. Tears just fall from my eyes.
Zweli just killed our child…
„Would you like to tell me what happened?‟ –Doctor.
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„Nothing much Doctor, I fell off the stairs.‟ –Me. He can sense I am lying; I have
bruises all over my body.
„Okay, where is your husband? Someone should come in so we can talk to them?‟
–Doctor.
„My husband is at work but I have contacted my sister she should be here any
minute now.‟ –Me.
„Okay. I think you should go back to sleep.‟ –Doctor.
I think so too.
******
I wake up the next day to find Kwazi sleeping on the visitors couch next to my
bed; she should have gone to my house and sleep there.
„Nokwazi wake up!‟ I try waking her up.
„Salusiwe… my God are you okay?‟ –Kwazi, she rushes to my bed and gives me a
hug.
„Ouch Kwazi, yes I am fine.‟ –Me.
„Zweli did this to you? Did he hit you?‟ –Kwazi, she is angry I can tell.
„Kwazi please not now.‟ –Me.
„What the hell Salusiwe! He beat you up, again.‟ –Kwazi.
„But I am fine okay, it doesn‟t matter.‟ –Me.
„No it does! You are pregnant and he hit you!‟ –Kwazi.
This child though, why did I ask her to come?
„Did he come here?‟ –Me.
„Why do you care, so what if he did?‟ –Kwazi.
„Nokwazi did he come here?‟ –Me.
„Yes he did. He came here with Ntsika but I chased them away.‟ –Kwazi.
„What! Why did you do that?‟ –Me.
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„Look at you Salusiwe! That is why.‟ –Kwazi.

I feel tears coming.
„Why are you crying?‟ –Kwazi.
„I lost one of the twins Nokwazi...‟ –Me.
„I am so sorry sis wami; Zweli is going to pay for this.‟ She says giving me a hug.
„I saw the toes and the fingers on the bathroom floor Kwazi, it was so small, and
he killed my child. Actually he didn‟t, he was not aware that I am pregnant.‟
–Me.
„Stop making excuses for him Salusiwe!‟ –Kwazi.
„When is the doctor discharging me? I want to go home now.‟ –Me
„He said this afternoon.‟ –Kwazi.
„I took your car to your house; I will drive you with the one in came in with last
night.‟ –Kwazi.
I look at her then I look away.
„You are not thinking of Banzi picking you up are you?‟ –Kwazi.
„He is still my husband Nokwazi.‟ –Me.
„Nxi, you are annoying me now.‟ She says and leaves the ward.
******
As we approach the gate to my house, I see many cars. Okay I see Ndlalifa‟s,
Bhekifa‟s and Ntsika‟s cars. I see Nomusa‟s son outside which means she is also
here.
„What are all these people doing in my house?‟ –Me.
„How am I supposed to know, they are your in–law.‟ Kwazi responds driving in.
Kwazi and I walk inside the house and we find all the sisters in the kitchen
making food, from Nomusa the eldest to Xolile the party freak and even the snob
Samkelo. They all look at me as I walk in; they start to move around weirdly like
they are signaling someone.
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„Hi.‟ I say walking in.

„Hello sis, how are you?‟ –Xolile.
„I am fine. I didn‟t know you guys were coming.‟ –Me.
„Actually Ndlalifa contacted us and said we should come. It is urgent.‟ –Nomusa.
Oh so now he has the authority to invite people over to my house!
„Okay, Kwazi come let‟s go to my room.‟ –Me, I say leaving them there helping
themselves in my kitchen.
We walk past the dining room and I can see all the brothers sitting together at the
lounge, they are all siting around Zweli who has his elbows on his thighs and his
hands on his face looking down, he normally sits like that when he is stressed or
angry. Bhekifa sees me coming and clears his throat and they all look at me at
once. I feel myself missing one or two steps, their stares are making me
uncomfortable.
„Sthandwa sami!‟ he says standing up.
I don‟t know how to even react to him; I am angry and afraid of him at this point.
He looks horrible like he hasn‟t slept or bathed in days. I just look at all of them
and I walk to my room with Nokwazi, I need her right now. I can hear them
talking as I walk past:
„I really messed up this time didn‟t I?‟ –Zweli.
„You did! And you deserve everything that is happening to you!‟ that sounds like
Ndlalifa.
„I love my wife I really do, but I don‟t get why she would hide the fact that she is
pregnant.‟ –Zweli.
Point of correction, was pregnant.
„Do you need anything?‟ –Kwazi.
„No sis I just want to sleep.‟ –Me.
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„I want to go to the shops okay, I will be back soon.‟ –Kwazi.

„You are leaving me with these people! I don‟t feel safe with these Ngubane‟s
around sis.‟ –Me.
„I will be back Salusiwe, I need to go and get some things, I promise I will be back
soon.‟ –Kwazi.
„If anything happens to me it‟s on you!‟ –Me.
„Just tell me where you‟re Last Will and Testimony is and I will be fine, lol.‟
–Kwazi, she leaves the room.
Later on I hear a knock on the door. I ignore it, another knock and then the door
opens.
I can feel him I know it‟s him. I haven‟t turned my body around to face him but I
know his scent and I can sense his dominant presence and I knew it was him the
moment that door opened.
„My love…‟ He says.
I can hear his footsteps coming closer to the bed. I ignore him still. He grabs a
chair and sits next to our bed; I am still not facing him.
„Sthandwa sami please look at me.‟ he says trying to touch my arm.
I pull away quickly and shift my whole body; tears are now running down my
cheeks.
„Love I am not going to hurt you please don‟t fear me, it‟s me your husband
Zwelibanzi.‟ he says trying to hold my hand again.
I sit up straight and look at him.
„How can I not fear you Zweli when you did this to me?‟ I ask, calmly showing
him my bruised body.
„Sthandwa sami it was a mistake and I am so sorry. I don‟t know what got to me.‟
–Zweli.
„The first time you did it, I accepted that it was a mistake but this time around
Zweli I refuse to believe so. You planned this, you took your time and came to
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Durban you dropped our kids at your brother‟s house and when we got home you
waited until I got naked and only then you beat me. You planned this
Zwelibanzi.‟ I say this softly with tear rolling down my eyes.
„I did not mean to Salusiwe, I guess I got so angry at the fact that you left with
my kids without saying anything to me…‟ –Zweli.
„Just stop okay, please stop with all that nonsense. We can‟t change what has
happened the damage is done Zweli. I already lost my child.‟ –Me.
„It‟s our child Salusiwe! I am sorry about that. It kills me even when I think
about it sthandwa. But why didn‟t you tell me you were pregnant?‟ –Zweli.
„What‟s the point? You would have beaten me up elsewhere instead of my
stomach? What difference does it make?‟ –Me.
„You should have told me Salusiwe, now I have to live with regret all my life that
I took away my own child‟s life.‟ I see tears in his eyes.
This really hit him hard because he is not the type that cries, but I have no time
for empathy!
„And it serves you right Zweli! You promised you were never ever going to lay a
hand on me ever again, but you lied! So live with it, you deserve it all.‟ I am now
shouting and crying.
„Salusiwe please…I am sorry.‟ Tears drop from his eyes.
„I was pregnant with twins‟ okay, two boys Zweli and no one knew but my mom
and Kwazi. I wanted to tell you the beautiful news and I was so excited to let you
know that I stayed up the whole damn night and waited for you to come home so
we could celebrate together, but when you came in you were stinking of another
woman Zweli, I couldn‟t tell you…‟ I am really crying now.
„Salusiwe I am …‟ –Zweli.
„…shut up! I have never been so excited about falling pregnant maybe it‟s because
I knew that we both wanted twins and when God finally blessed us with them
you were ungrateful. Well I didn‟t lose them both; I am still carrying the other
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one.‟ –Me.
„(Sighs) are you serious love?‟ he tries to hold me and I see a smile on his face.
„Don‟t touch me!‟ –Me.
„Salusiwe, maNgcobo I am deeply sorry for being a sorry case of a husband, no
man at all should ever lay a hand on his wife and I have failed you as a husband, I
failed my kids as a father and I failed myself as a man.‟ –Zweli, he is crying.
„For how long Zwelibanzi do I have to tolerate your nonsense? How many
beatings will it take for you to realise that you‟re hurting me? How many times
will I have to forgive you, accept your petty apologies huh?‟ I say standing up,
„Maybe it‟s the day I lay dead in a coffin with my body bruised with your
fingerprints on it…‟
„…sthandwa please don‟t talk like that. I will never kill you ever!‟ –Zweli.
„You‟ve already killed my son, who knows maybe I‟m next, or Ntando, or
Sihlangu. Who knows?‟ I walk towards him.
I know I really hurt him by saying those words, but I am so angry at him that
even looking at him disgusts me. I am bruised from neck down! And I don‟t give
a fuck how he feels right now.
I get off the bed and I strangle him by his neck and I keep kicking him at every
chance I get, I don‟t know what has gotten into me. There is noise everywhere in
the room, I am crying and he is screaming “I am sorry” I hold him tight by his
neck and suddenly the bedroom door opens.
„Salusiwe stop!!! Stop it Salu!‟ –Kwazi is screaming at me.
„I hate you Zweli! I fuckin hate you!‟ I scream strangling him.
„Salusiwe you are going to kill him!‟ –Kwazi shouts.
„Shut up Nokwazi! This has nothing to do with you.‟ –Me.
We are now on the floor, I am on top of him and he is trying to push me away.
But I‟ve got my grip on his neck and I am determined to kill him, it‟s like my
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mind was not working. Everyone walks in the room trying to stop us from killing
each other.
„I hate you!!! You are a pathetic man! You‟re a sorry excuse of a man you bustard!
You fuckin killed my child nxi!!!‟ I say grabbing his neck tighter.
I think I am saying this because of anger I don‟t really mean it, he is a great
husband.
Ndlalifa and Ntsika try to get me away from Zweli but I kick them and push
them away from me but…
when I saw my children standing at the door, Ntando covering Sihlangu‟s eyes
and tears were falling heavily from her round eyes, I came back to my senses.
What am I doing? Why am I trying to kill my husband?
I breathe heavily as I stop and look at Zweli, everything suddenly became so
quiet and still. I am sitting on his pelvic area and I have my hand over my head
with tears running down my eyes, my hair is messy and my heart is pounding.
He looks at me and I look back at him, tears begin to fall drastically from both of
us. He just grabs me and holds me tight and gives me a warm hug.
„I am sorry my love, I love you.‟ he kisses my head.
„Just let go of me Zweli.‟ I say pulling back.
„It is okay love; don‟t shut me out like that. I led you to this and I am sorry.‟ He
says.
I get up and I rush out of the room and lock myself in the visitor‟s bathroom and
I let out a loud cry.
„Sthandwa please open the door.‟ –Zweli.
„Go away. You don‟t need me, I am a bad wife.‟ –Me.
„Salusiwe please, come out so we can talk.‟ –Zweli.
He so sounds vulnerable.
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Chapter 13: Family Reconciliation!

There is a family gathering on Friday in Landskop and I don‟t even feel like
going there, things will be so sour after what happened for the past weekend.
Zweli and I have been sleeping in separate rooms since our fight on Sunday
evening. My children fear me now, they feel uncomfortable around me imagine
that but I have to fix this, I don‟t know how but I will before Friday. My mom
still doesn‟t know about everything that happened, I just told her that I lost one
of the twins I didn‟t even explain how it happened.
I walk down the passage to the lounge and I hear Ntando crying in her room. I
open the door and get in.
The looks on her face when she sees me, I don‟t like it, it‟s like she wants to run
away or something.
„Hi princess...‟ I say smiling. She moves back and sits up straight. „Is everything
okay my baby?‟ –Me, I ask sitting next to her.
„Yes mommy.‟ –Ntando.
„Than why are you crying?‟ –Me.
„It‟s nothing mama.‟ –Ntando.
„Ntando please talk to me, tell me what‟s bothering you I don‟t like to see you or
your brother hurt.‟ –Me.
„I am scared ma, Sihlangu and I we are both scared ma.‟ –Ntando.
I am holding my tears back; I can‟t let her see me cry.
„Why are you scared angel?‟ –Me.
„We are scared of you and daddy mama, you wanted to kill dad and he was
begging you to stop. We also scared of daddy because he has been beating you
mama.‟ –Ntando.
„Who told you that daddy has been hitting me?‟ –Me.
„We heard baba Ndlalifa and daddy talking. Also baba Ntsika was on the phone
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with baba Bhekifa and we heard them talk.‟ –Ntando.

„Ntando listen, your father and I were having an argument but you are too young
to understand what it was about. He didn‟t hit me intentionally baby okay, he
was angry and I was wrong…‟ –Me.
„Was he angry because you took us to Montclair and you didn‟t tell him? That
you refused to let him see us on Saturday?‟ –Ntando.
How does she know about that!?
„That‟s part of the reason Ntando but like I said you are too young to understand.
Your father and I love you and Sihlangu and we wouldn‟t do anything to hurt
you princess. We love each other dearly and we wouldn‟t want anything to
happen to our relationship.‟ –Me.
„Than why did you try to kill him?‟ –Ntando.
This child though.
„I was angry at that time Ntando and I was not thinking straight. I am sorry if
that hurt you okay, it will never happen again.‟ I say giving her a hug.
She hugs me back, whew!
„I love you mommy, you and daddy and I don‟t like it when you fight.‟ –Ntando.
„We love you too Ntando. I promise it won‟t happen again.‟ I say hugging her
tighter, „Please go call Sihlangu I want to speak to the both of you.‟ –Me.
They walk in and I tell them to sit on the bed in front of me.
„My boy Ntando has told me how you feel about everything that happened.‟ –Me.
„You were not supposed to tell anyone!‟ he says shouting at Ntando.
„Relax Ubenathi. I want to apologise for all the drama that your father and I
caused, it was wrong and selfish of us especially that we neglected you as our
children. I am sorry about what you saw on Sunday, I was not trying to kill your
father I would never do that. We were just having an argument and things got
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out of hand.‟ –Me.

„You were arguing because he didn‟t come home on Friday? You said he smelt
differently, is he seeing someone else mommy?‟ –Sihlangu.
Where the hell did he get that from, these kids!
„Sihlangu listen, you won‟t understand why your father and I were arguing but
we are sorry for putting you in this okay. We love you and we care for you…‟
–Me.
„Mommy daddy loves you, he only sees you as his wife no one else.‟ –Sihlangu.
I didn‟t know these kids talk this much.
„I know and I love him too.‟ –Me.
„Do you forgive him, for hitting you and not picking you up from the hospital?
Please forgive him mommy.‟ –Sihlangu.
„Yes I do, I forgave him a long time ago.‟ –Me.
„Thank you ma. We missed you both of you.‟ –Sihlangu.
I hug them tighter, when I raise my head I see Zweli standing next to the door,
he looks at me with a face I can‟t read.
„Did you really mean it when you said you hate him?‟ –Sihlangu.
„No I didn‟t mean it (I look at Zweli), I was just angry.‟ –Me.
„Now can we please go back to normal, I miss seeing my parents together
laughing and teasing each other.‟ –Ntando.
„I miss that too dear‟. I looked at Zweli as she said that.
„I also miss telling them to stop kissing in front of us Ntando.‟ –Sihlangu. The
three of us laugh. Zweli smiled and walked away.
______
Thursday evening and tomorrow is the family gathering, I still haven‟t decided if
I am going or not. I will decide in the morning for now let me enjoy this nature
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around me. I love sitting outside and watch the sunset, our backyard is beautiful,
it has a huge lawn and 2 Gum Trees, and the view is of the Hilton Quarry and a
small Lake. I am sitting on the veranda enjoying the quietness of the area.
I see Zweli coming from a distance; we have been avoiding each other lately. He
has a container of ice–cream and two spoons with him.
„Can we talk?‟ –Zweli.
„Yeah sure we can.‟ –Me, he sits next to me on the couch.
„Are you down for ice–cream?‟ –Zweli.
„I don‟t see why not.‟ I say taking the spoon and going in for the first scoop.
„I would like to start by apologizing to you, for treating you the way I did and for
not being a loyal and faithful husband to you. I broke my wedding vows and I am
sincerely sorry about that.‟ –Zweli.
He has his head faced down and he keeps rubbing his fists together, he does that
when he is scared or anxious.
„Where were you on Friday night? I want the truth and nothing but the truth!‟
–Me.
„I was at a hotel in PMB with one of the lady‟s I met at a press conference.‟ He
looks down.
„What were you doing there?‟ –Me.
I know this will hurt me but it is necessary if we want a way forward.
„We had dinner and she decided that we must end our night somewhere private…‟
–Zweli.
„Did you have sex with her?‟ –Me.
„Salusiwe please…‟ –Zweli.
„Answer the question Zweli.‟ –Me.
„Yes we did.‟ –Zweli, he says tightening his jaws and he puts both his hands at
the back of his head. I am holding back my tears today I don‟t want to cry.
„Was it nice? Did you enjoy it?‟ –Me.
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„I don‟t like that question Salusiwe.‟ –Zweli.

„Look at me Zweli. (He does as I say), I have been nothing but a loyal wife to
you. I gave you love, care, support, sex, a family and everything you could
possibly think of and this is how you thank me (he looks down), look at me! I
don‟t satisfy you as your wife seeing that you see the need to go out and have sex
with other women.‟ –Me.
„One woman Salusiwe, and no you do satisfy me.‟ –Zweli.
„Than why do you keep hurting me? First it was the beating, then it was Portia,
the beating again and a lady you met a conference, why?‟ –Me.
„I am sorry Salusiwe.‟ –Zweli.
„That‟s very patty, don‟t apologise. I don‟t know if you are running out of love for
me or what and please tell me if that‟s the case so I can pack my bags and go. I
can‟t take this no more; I have had enough of everything. I have had enough of
you.‟ –Me.
„Sthandwa Sami what do you mean?‟ –Zweli.
„Zwelibanzi if you won‟t give me a reason to be with you I will not!‟ –Me.
„Salusiwe Ngiyakuthanda! I love you more than I have ever loved anyone more
than life itself, please don‟t leave me. Look at what we have invested, the
businesses the love a home and a family.‟ He says with tears down his cheeks.
„I know and it is so sad because there is nothing that makes our kids happier than
seeing us together, happy.‟ –Me.
„I heard your conversation with them a few days ago. I am thankful for what you
said to them and I am sorry for putting you in such a position alone. Nothing
hurt me more than hearing Sihlangu‟s words.‟ He says touching my hands.
That‟s part when I say “don‟t touch me” but I don‟t.
„I love my children and I would do anything to make them happy, even if it
means dealing with an abusive husband. I would do it for them because it makes
them happy to see us happy.‟ I am crying now.
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„I am not abusive Salusiwe, sometimes I allow my mind to get to me and I can‟t

control my anger. Ngiyaxolisa sthandwa Sami and I love you.‟ –Zweli.
He pulls me closer to him and puts my head on his chest and holds me tight, I put
my arms around his waist and I cry out loud.
„I am sorry for killing our child Salusiwe; I will live with that for the rest of my
life.‟ –Zweli.
Okay that hurts me.
„It‟s okay Zweli you were not aware that I am pregnant. I know you would never
harm your children no matter what so I forgive you for that. Let‟s be grateful that
the other twin was not hurt.‟ –Me.
„Ngiyakuthanda Salusiwe. I will never hit you again, I will control my anger.‟
–Zweli.
„Nami Ngiyakuthanda Zwelibanzi.‟ –Me.
„Can we find a way forward and rebuild our marriage?‟ –Zweli.
„Yes we can, start afresh.‟ –Me.
„Thank you. (He kisses my forehead) Can I move in the bedroom now?‟ –Zweli.
We both laugh.
„Yes you can.‟ –I say laughing.
„Are we going to Landskop tomorrow?‟ –Zweli.
„I don‟t know are we?‟ –Me.
„No we are not going there. Tomorrow we will spend the day together as a family
with our kids.‟ –Zweli.
„I would love that too.‟ –Me.
„We can tell them tomorrow that they will have a baby brother in 4 months‟
time.‟ He says rubbing my tummy.
„Yes, I can‟t wait to see their reaction.‟ –Me.
„Let‟s go inside love, it‟s getting a bit chilly here.‟ –Zweli.
„Yeah let‟s go. I need to make dinner as well.‟ –Me.
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We get up and go inside the house; he joins his kids and plays with them while I
make dinner for the family. I must say I missed this.
Today Zweli took our kids to the park because I wanted to do some cleaning; they
should be back any moment now. I am glad that we are both working on our
marriage and both Ntando and Sihlangu are happy and comfortable around us
which makes me happy. Xolile called me earlier on and asked if we are coming to
the gathering but I told her that I don‟t think I will be able to make it, I am sure
they think Banzi and I are still not talking.
*PHONE CALL*
„Hello sis!‟ –Me.
„Okay someone sounds happy.‟ –Kwazi.
„Yes I am actually. Zweli and I fixed our problems.‟ –Me.
„By fixed what you mean exactly Salusiwe? He fucked you so good that you
forgot how abusive he is?‟ –Kwazi.
This girl! The audacity to say that!!
„Nokwazi I don‟t like that.‟ –M e.
„I am sorry sis but you need to wake up and smell the coffee.‟ –Kwazi.
„He apologized and said he will never lay a hand on me again.‟ –Me.
„Salu didn‟t he say the exact same thing the first time he hit you?‟ –Kwazi.
„He did but…‟ –Me.
„No Salusiwe just stop! Stop trying to justify his actions, Zwelibanzi will never
stop beating you if you keep forgiving him. You make excuses for him and you
tolerate his nonsensical behavior he will never stop because he knows that he will
say he is sorry, give you good sex and then you will forgive him instantly.‟
–Kwazi.
Is she forgetting that I am older than her?
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„I am trying to fix my marriage Nokwazi and you criticizing my husband.‟ –Me.

„I don‟t mean that in a bad way Salu but he is not the same man, he is not the
Zweli you married. He hits you in front of your children and he disrespects our
father‟s house.‟ –Kwazi.
„He didn‟t mean all of that Nokwazi he was just angry.‟ –Me.
„Here we go again with the excuses Salusiwe. He has to apologise to mom for
what he did Salusiwe.‟ –Kwazi.
„I know.‟ –Me.
„Sis I love you and I don‟t want to see you hurt or anything, I think you and
Zweli should go for marriage guidance.‟ –Kwazi.
„I think so too.‟ –Me.
„Well I was only calling to check up on you, we will talk soon.‟ –Kwazi.
„Okay thanks. Talk soon. Bye.‟ –Me.
„Bye.‟ –Kwazi.
******
Zweli and the kids come in just as I was preparing lunch, we need to talk.
„Hello love.‟ –Zweli, he hugs me from behind and kisses the back of my neck.
„Hello mommy! Hello mama.‟ –Ntando and Sihlangu say rushing off to the
lounge.
„Did you give them candy?‟ –Me.
„It was either I do or I have to deal with them crying.‟ –Zweli.
„If they get sick especially Ntando, Zweli you are sleeping at the hospital bed
with them!‟ –Me.
„Yeah I know.‟ He says getting a water bottle in the fridge. He doesn‟t drink tap
water.
„My love Nokwazi called earlier on.‟ –Me.
„What did she say?‟ The look on his face changes immediately. He sits on the
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counter and puts his fists together.

„You need to go and apologise to my mom for the commotion you caused at her
house babe.‟ –Me.
„She called to say that?‟ –Zweli.
„Not really she was checking up on me but she did raise the topic.‟ –Me.
„Okay that‟s not a problem; I do owe your mom and sister an apology. It was
really wrong of me to disrespect you father‟s house like that.‟ –Zweli.
„Thank you for understanding.‟ –Me.
„We will go there next weekend.‟ –Zweli.
„Also love, I think we need to see a marriage counselor.‟ –Me.
„Why?‟ –Zweli.
I knew this was not going to be easy.
„I think we need a third party to help us solve our issues.‟ –Me.
„No Salusiwe we do not! I will not have a stranger knowing about my family
problems. Are we not working on our marriage now?‟ –Zweli.
„We are Zweli but we also need some advice from someone else.‟ –Me.
„No Salusiwe I cannot do that sthandwa I am sorry.‟ –Zweli, he leaves and goes
to the lounge.
Mxm that went well!
______
Today we are travelling to my mom‟s house; Zweli has some apologizing to do. I
know Kwazi is still angry at me but I hate this tension between us so I want to
speak to her today so we can resolve this conflict between us. Our father would
most certainly be disappointed to see us argue.
„Mommy can we please buy McDonald‟s, I am hungry.‟ –Sihlangu.
„No Sihlangu you will eat at gran‟s house.‟ –Me.
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„When mom says no ask dad, he never says no.‟ –Ntando whispers to her brother.
„Daddy, can we buy McDonald‟s.‟ –Sihlangu.
„Okay my boy, we‟ll go to the drive–thru.‟ –Zweli.
„Banzi no he will at granny‟s place.‟ –Me.
„He is hungry my love.‟ –Zweli.
„See I told you.‟ –Ntando.
******
„Gogo!!!‟ –Ntando and Sihlangu.
„Hello. My two rascals!‟ she says giving them a hug.
They are so happy around her; she loves them like her own.
„Hello ma.‟ –Me.
„Hello mam‟Ngcobo.‟ –Zweli.
„Hello. How are you?‟ –Mom.
She is forever smiling but I can tell her smile is empty I know her she is my
mom.
„Let‟s go outside to the garden, it‟s a beautiful day today.‟ She says leading the
way.
„Mama where is Nokwazi?‟ –Me.
„She is her room, I told Ntando to go call her.‟ –Mom. She comes out dragging
her feet and she pulls a chair and sits next to mom.
„Hello.‟ –Kwazi.
„Hi Nokwazi…‟ –Me.
„Without wasting any time I would like to get straight to the point as to why we
are here today.‟ –Zweli.
„Please do.‟ –Kwazi.
„I would like to apologise for causing such a distraction here a few weeks ago, it
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was wrong of me to disrespect the Ngcobo house in such a manner. Ma, I am

sorry for being rude to you and Salusiwe the day I came to pick her and the kids
up. I should have at least explained myself.‟ –Zweli sounds so sincere.
„I was really confused by your behavior.‟ –Mom.
„Yes I am sorry. Nokwazi, I shouldn‟t have shouted at you at the gate on
Saturday I know I should‟ve listened when you told me the kids were not here. I
am deeply sorry for that and also you probably think I am abusive towards your
sister…‟ –Zweli.
„Oh why would I think that?‟ –Kwazi.
He shouldn‟t have said that.
„Seeing that I held her by her neck when I came here, that was not me it was my
mind and anger playing with me.‟ –Zweli.
„Okay.‟ She laughs as she says that.
„Would you be happy if someone came to your house and took your daughter in
front of your eyes?‟ –Mom.
„No mom I wouldn‟t.‟ –Zweli.
„So I was also not happy about you taking my daughter and grandchildren,
especially the way that you did. You didn‟t ask you just ordered them to get their
bags and left. I felt disrespected in my own house.‟ –Mom.
„I totally understand how you feel ma and I am genuinely sorry about that. I will
do anything to make things right by you.‟ –Zweli.
„Promise me you will never do it again.‟ –Mom.
„There is a promise within my promise to keep my promise that I will never ever
do it again.‟ –Zweli.
I see a smile on my mom‟s face; I know Zweli is very good with words.
„We can now move on and forget about what happened.‟ –Mom.
„Do you forgive me sis Nokwazi?‟ –Zweli.
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„If you treat my sister like that again I will kill you Zwelibanzi, literally and I am
not joking.‟ –Kwazi.
She really means that.
„I know so I will never, I learnt my lesson. I was not happy that my in–laws are
angry at me and I don‟t want that to happen again.‟ –Zweli.
„I forgive you Zweli.‟ –Kwazi.
„Thank you.‟ –Zweli.
„I am glad that you were able to look beyond this as my family and I know you
care about me and my well–being so I appreciate everything you guys did. I am
glad we can now move on.‟ –Me.
My mom made us all lunch so we are now happy and eating and things are back
to the way they were but I still want to talk to Kwazi, I feel like we need to talk
so we can both move on completely.
„Kwazi can you please help me in the kitchen.‟ –Me.
„Sure.‟ She says following me.
„Sis wami I feel like there is tension between us.‟ –Me.
„I can feel that too.‟ –Kwazi.
„Can we talk about it?‟ –Me.
„I don‟t think you should have forgiven Zweli that easily Salusiwe. He promised
not to hit you but he did it again, can‟t you see something wrong there?‟ –Kwazi.
„I understand where you are coming from Kwazi but I know my husband okay
and I know he didn‟t mean to hurt me, I pushed him to that limit Nokwazi.‟
–Me.
„Here we go again! Pushed him how, by visiting your mom?‟ –Kwazi.
„Nokwazi no but at least I should have told him that Friday morning that the kids
and I are going to Montclair. He was just angry because I was shutting him out.‟
–Me.
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„So you are blaming yourself.‟ –Kwazi.

„No I am not but what I am saying is that I am held accountable for what
happened he was only being a protective husband, I mean he was worried about
his children. Any father would be.‟ –Me.
„You are making excuses for him Salusiwe, people who are in abusive
relationships end up making excuses for being abused sis wami! If you are not
careful you are going to be one of those people.‟ –Kwazi.
„I am not Nokwazi! I am not in an abusive relationship for one, my husband
loves me and like I said he was just angry.‟ –Me.
„He killed your son Salusiwe!!!‟ –Kwazi.
„No he didn‟t!!! Never say that again (tears fill up), he was not aware that I was
pregnant so no he did not kill my son, our son.‟ –Me.
„Can‟t you see I care about you Salusiwe? What I saw in you that day I came to
the hospital was not a girl I know, the Salusiwe I know would never tolerate a
man who lays a hand on her. You almost died sis but you can‟t see that, your
body was bruised from neck down and you couldn‟t even walk. Do you think I
was happy to see my sister in that condition? No!‟ she is crying now.
I hate it when Kwazi cries.
„I know you do Nokwazi and I appreciate that but Zweli did not kill our child and
we had a conversation and I know he will not do it again, not after hearing his
kids cry about it. I am sorry for hurting you but also thank you for not telling
mom.‟ –Me.
„I just don‟t want you to be a victim of domestic violence.‟ –Kwazi.
„I know and I won‟t. I promise.‟ –Me.
„Promise me you and Zweli will go for marriage guidance.‟ –Kwazi.
About that…
„I promise sis wami.‟ –Me.
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„Can I get a hug?‟ –Kwazi.

„Yes of course.‟ –Me. We both hug each other; I wipe off the tears running down
her cheeks.
„I love you.‟ –Me.
„I love you too, and you need to tell mom about you miscarriage.‟ –Kwazi.
„Yes I do, I will tell her now.‟ –Me.
Sometimes I feel like she is the older one. She is the responsible one after all.
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Chapter 14: Joyous Celebrations!

„Aren‟t you excited you are getting married like tomorrow?‟ I say with a huge
smile on my face.
„You have no idea. I am over the moon and I just can‟t wait to say “I do”.‟
–Kwazi.
„I am happy for you, you deserve it all babe. Marrying a rich white man, your
dream came true and Jack is one lucky guy to have you as a wife.‟ –Me.
„Thank you. I am looking forward to my honeymoon in Hawaii!‟ –Kwazi.
„I am so envious right now! Maybe I should have married a white man also.‟ –Me.
„Girl your husband bought you a car as a peace offering and a beach house in
Cape Town as a birthday present, what more do you want? Who knows maybe I
will be lucky if I get a 4 room house to my name, lol.‟ she says laughing.
This girl though!
„Your husband will buy you a whole estate!‟ –Me.
Tomorrow is Nokwazi and Jack‟s wedding, I am happy for them. Ntando is their
flower girl although I told Kwazi that she is too old for that now but she insisted,
I mean Ntando is 8 years! Well I am the maid of honour, I have to fit my dress
one last time and check if it still fits me well seeing that I look like a whale, I am
9 months pregnant and I could be giving birth any moment from now. She has
anticipated this day from the time Jack went down on his knee and I am glad it
finally came. By the way Nokwazi is also pregnant but only 3 months.
„Sthandwa, are you okay?‟
Did I say I was not okay? What is wrong with Zweli!?
„Yes I am fine.‟ –Me.
„Okay do you need anything?‟ –Zweli.
„I would appreciate a box of pizza, some chocolate and a burger. Oh please buy
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me a pair of slippers I forgot mine at our house.‟ –Me.

„Okay babe. Give me 30 minutes and I will be there. I love you.‟ –Zweli.
„I love you too.‟ –Me.
„Zwelibanzi, he is calling to ask if I am fine. Can you imagine?‟ –Me.
„What is wrong with that?‟ –Melissa (Kwazi‟s best friend)
„I am at my mom‟s house Lisa why wouldn‟t I be fine!?‟ –Me.
„Honey you are heavily pregnant remember. He wants to know if you haven‟t
gone to labour as yet.‟ –Kwazi.
„I would absolutely be happy if my husband was to fuss over me like that and call
me all the time.‟ –Mbali (our cousin)
„I don‟t like it; he is not giving me a chance to breathe. Like it is hard enough that
I am pregnant so I need all the space and air I can get.‟ –Me.
They all laugh.
„Your sister Kwazi…‟ –Nolin (Jack‟s sister)
„I had to deal with that for 22 years Nolin!‟ –Kwazi.
„Daddy is calling you outside mommy!!!‟ –Sihlangu walks in the lounge shouting.
I think he has also adopted my family‟s habit of not speaking properly but always
screaming.
„Tell him I am coming. I still need to position myself accordingly before I stand
up.‟ –Me.
„But ma you are not putting in any effort.‟ –Sihlangu. These girls laugh.
„Tell daddy to come in. your mom can‟t stand up.‟ –Kwazi.
Sihlangu quickly rushes out.
He walks in a few minutes later. I can hear him greeting mom and aunt‟Deliwe
in the kitchen as he makes his way to the lounge where we are sitting. When he
walks in all eyes go to him, he is that type of person, you can just feel his
presence without him talking and he commands attention by just walking in a
room.
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„Good evening ladies. Hello sthandwa sami.‟ –Zweli, he says giving me a kiss.
„Hi.‟ The girls say.
Why are they drooling over my husband?
He comes to sit next to me and their eyes follow him till he sits, he has noticed
this as well.
„Here is your food and here are you slippers.‟ –Zweli.
„Thank you love, I am so hungry.‟ –Me. He looks at me and smiles.
Hmm those vampire teeth still do it for me.
„How is my boy doing?‟ he asks rubbing my tummy.
They all look at him.
„He is fine but I want him to come out now. He is making me look ugly.‟ –Me.
„You beautiful to me, I told you I love you even when you look fat.‟ –Zweli.
„I look like a whale that walks like a penguin! How is that beautiful?‟ I want to
cry now. Everyone in the room laughs.
„No you don‟t my love.‟ He says placing my head on his chest.
„Daddy, mommy hit me this morning.‟ –Ntando comes in sobbing.
„Why would mommy do that?‟ –Zweli.
„I wanted ice–cream and she said no.‟ –Ntando.
I know he is going to get her ice cream now, but he knows that she will get sick!
„Mxm mommy is bad! Come we will go buy ice cream princess.‟ He says getting
up.
„Zwelibanzi you know she will get sick.‟ –Me.
„I will take her to the doctor babe, if she wants ice cream let‟s give her ice cream.‟
–Zweli.
I give up!
„I will see you tomorrow sthandwa, take care of yourself and our son. I love you.‟
He says kissing my forehead.
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„Goodbye ladies.‟ –Zweli.

„Bye…‟ they all say.
„Honey you husband is to die for!‟ –Mbali.
„Sorry?‟ –Me.
„He is a rare fabric, dark tall and handsome. You are one lucky woman.‟ –Melissa.
„Thank you, so that is why you were drooling over him.‟ –Me.
„You are blessed, and you can tell how much he loves you by the way he looks at
you.‟ –Nolin.
„Okay thanks but he is taken so get over him.‟ –Me.
I am getting uncomfortable now listening to these girls going on and on about my
husband.
I am over that stage. His face just annoys me now, lol.
******
WEDDING DAY!!!
„You look beautiful.‟ I say covering her face with a veil.
„Thank you.‟ She smiles. I see tears filling up her eyes.
„Why are crying sis? You will mess your make–up.‟ –Me.
„I just can‟t believe this, it‟s all happening.‟ –Kwazi.
„Yes it is and you should enjoy every single moment of it. You only get married
once love.‟ –Me.
„I know… I wish dad and Nkazimulo were here.‟ –Kwazi.
„Daddy would have been so proud of you and very happy that you are getting
married at this age, not like me who was only 24.‟ I say laughing.
„What were you rushing though!?‟ she also laughs.
„These girls out here were going to snatch my Banzi from me. Plus I wasn‟t
giving him any sex so he was going to leave anyway.‟ –Me.
„Mxm you are very silly.‟ –Kwazi.
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„I know. Sis wami, please love your husband dearly and don‟t be afraid to show
him how much you love him. Be submissive and tolerant and you must
compromise only then will your marriage be a success. I wish you all the best.‟ I
say giving her a hug.
„Thank you sis, please call in mom.‟ –Kwazi.
******
It is now the matrimonial and we have all walked down the aisle only the bride is
left to walk and say I do! We all look beautiful in our orange dresses and our
partners in their black suits, Ntando looks like a little princess in her white tutu
dress.
Here comes the bride all dressed in white, she looks amazing! Her mermaid dress
shows all her curves and she is wearing a smile on her face which makes her look
even prettier. Her eyes are fixed to Jack and his eyes are fixed to Kwazi, he sheds
a tear there.
I feel a little bit dizzy and I want to vomit. I don‟t know if it‟s the standing or the
cake I ate this morning. My back is killing me and I keep feeling a sharp pain on
my abdomen area.
Should I be worried?
As Jack and Nokwazi exchange their vows my eyes meet with Zweli‟s, we are
having a bit of telepathy here. I remember our wedding like it was yesterday, our
vows how he said “for each other, in each other and without others.” I remember
all of that, it was 8 years ago. He whispers “I love you” as I am looking at him
and I can‟t help but smile. Sihlangu keeps telling us to keep quiet by placing his
index finger on his lips, this child!
Okay now I badly need to use the toilet.
„…to love and to hold, in sickness and in health, for better or worse. I promise to
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love you with all my heart and soul and body and mind Jackson.‟ –Kwazi.
„Good, I know pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Beckham! You may kiss the bride.‟
–Priest.
Good the service is over now I need to find a toilet!
„Where are you rushing to my love?‟ –Zweli.
„I need to go to the toilet Banzi I really need to go to the toilet.‟ –Me.
„Okay let me walk you to the toilet; you can‟t be walking alone at this stage.‟
–Zweli.
„Babe I keep feeling this sharp pain on my womb and my back aches so badly and
plus I was dizzy during the matrimonial.‟ –Me.
„Hmm, could it be that you are going on labour?‟ –Zweli.
„No my love it‟s too soon, I still have two more weeks to go.‟ –Me.
„Okay, hurry so we can take your painkillers in the car. I will wait for you here
outside.‟ –Zweli.
„Okay.‟ –Me.
Could Zweli be right? But it can‟t be today, my doctor said on the 27-29 not today.
I can‟t go on labour now at least not on my sister‟s wedding day!
******
We are done taking pictures so now we have to go and eat! I am getting excited.
As the food starts coming I feel my dress and it is wet, I look on the floor and
there is water my heart is pounding.
„Zweli I think my water broke.‟ –Me.
„What!?‟ he says looking on the floor.
„My dress is wet as well.‟ –Me.
„Oh my Lord, can you feel any pain?‟ –Zweli.
„No not as yet.‟ –Me.
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„We need to get you to the hospital now love, stay here and be calm I am going to
call your mom.‟ –Zweli.
He goes to my mom; she comes rushing to me even leaving Zweli behind.
„Angel are you sure your water broke?‟ –Mom.
„Yes mommy I am sure.‟ –Me.
„Can you feel any pain?‟ –Mom.
„No not as yet.‟ –Me.
„Okay, we need to get you to the hospital as in now! Zweli drive her to the
hospital I will tell Kwazi what has happened.‟ –Mom.
„Ma please tells Nokwazi I am really sorry for ruining her big day.‟ –Me.
Zandile comes along, to help Zweli not to panic. They help me to get up without
causing any disturbances; Kwazi has picked up on what is happening.
„Aaaaaah!!!‟ I scream as Zweli lifts me up.
I felt a sharp pain on my back and womb. Everyone looks at us; okay I am
causing a scene now I need to get out of here before Kwazi hates me for life.
So we leave the room in no time, Kwazi followed us out, why?
„Sis wami, are you okay?‟ –Kwazi.
„No I‟m about to give birth.‟ –Me.
„Oh my God should I come with you?‟ she says trying to get in the car.
„No! You can continue with your wedding okay. I am sorry.‟ –Me.
„It‟s okay, be safe.‟ –Kwazi.
„Thank you. Have a safe travel to Hawaii.‟ I say closing the car door.
We arrive at the hospital within minutes and I am immediately rushed to the
delivery ward, there is no time I have to give birth right away!
Zweli, mom and Zandile wait in the waiting room, the way I am screaming so
loud I am sure they can hear me as a matter of fact the whole hospital can hear
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me, even the ones on life support lol.

After what seems like 2 hours, I hear a crying voice.
„(Sigh) thank God.‟ –Me.
„Mrs. Ngubane, here is your baby boy.‟ The doctor says handing him over to me.
„Thank you doc, he looks so precious. He looks exactly like his dad.‟ –Me.
I am then taken to the maternity ward; I find Zweli and mom already waiting in
there. They stand up when they see me coming with little Banzi in my arms, he
smiles.
„Here‟s daddy baby.‟ I say looking at the baby.
„He is so big! He looks like Zweli.‟ –Mom.
„I know like his duplicate. Where is Zandile?‟ –Me.
„She went to get us something to eat.‟ –Mom.
„Do you want to hold him?‟ –Me.
„Yes please.‟ He says grabbing the baby.
He looks at the baby and smiles to himself, he looks away for a while I know he
is crying.
„Zweli is everything okay?‟ –Me.
„Yes babe. I can‟t help but think that there could have been two of them.‟ –Zweli.
Tears fill my eyes too.
„Zweli please let‟s not think about that but let‟s be happy and grateful that we
have him.‟ –Me.
„Yeah you right. We need to name him.‟ –Zweli.
„I think you should give him two names, one for him and one for his twin
brother.‟ –Mom.
„I think that‟s a good idea mom.‟ –Me.
„Milani Mayenzeke Ngubane.‟ –Zweli.
„Because he looks like you he is going to be Milani Zwelibanzi Jr. Mayenzeke
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Ngubane.‟ –Me.
„Such long names! But I like that Junior Zweli.‟ –Zweli.
„Oh my goodness, is that the little king?!‟ Zandile she is so loud. You‟d swear she
comes from my family.
„Yes this is him.‟ –Mom.
She takes him from Zweli and starts playing and kissing him.
„Why does this kid look so much like you Zweli?‟ –Zandile.
„All my children look like me Zandile.‟ –Zweli.
„I know but this one is like a younger you.‟ –Zandile.
She is right, Ntando and Sihlangu look like Zweli but Milani… is a younger
version of Zweli.
„What‟s his name?‟ –Zandile.
„Zwelibanzi Junior.‟ –Me.
„That‟s because he looks like him right?‟ –Zandile.
„Yes. He is Milani Zweli junior, his twin brother is Mayenzeke.‟ –Me.
„Oh you guys gave him his brother‟s name as well?‟ –Zandile.
„Yes, it‟s only fair.‟ –Zweli.
She goes back to playing with Junior and keeps mocking him for looking like
Zweli.
May 18th 2025
Milani Zwelibanzi Ngubane
******
„Rise and shine good people!!!‟ Kwazi walks in the ward shouting.
„Shouldn‟t you two be on your way to Hawaii‟ –Me.
„She insisted we come and see the new born before we leave.‟ –Jack.
„That is sweet of you guys; the nurse will bring Milani in now for feeding so you
will see him just now.‟ –Me.
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„That is a very nice name… Milani.‟ –Kwazi.

„What does it mean?‟ –Jack.
„It means growth babe.‟ –Kwazi.
„Oh that is beautiful.‟ –Jack.
„Thank you.‟ –Me.
Zweli walks in the room with Milani and the nurse.
„It is time for feeding Mrs. Ngubane.‟ –Nurse.
„Can I just hold him before he eats?‟ –Kwazi. She rushes to take Milani from the
nurse before I do.
„Good morning babe (he kisses me), Jack the main man.‟ –Zweli.
„Hi. Congratulations on your son.‟ –Jack.
„Thank you man, you will be in my shoes in a matter of few months.‟ Zweli says
pointing at Kwazi‟s tummy.
„Yes I totally can‟t wait.‟ –Jack.
„Okay sis I would love to sit and chat but Jack and I have to be at the airport at
11:00.‟ –Kwazi.
„No problem sis. Have a safe travel.‟ I say hugging her.
„Enjoy your honeymoon you two.‟ –Zweli.
„Thank you, bye.‟ –Jack.
„I will call you when we land. Bye Junior!‟ –Kwazi.
Later that day my mom comes with Ntando and Sihlangu to visit. They look so
excited to meet their little brother.
„Mommy where is the baby?‟ –Sihlangu.
„Daddy said his name is also Zweli!‟ –Ntando.
„Yes his name is Zweli junior, he looks like your dad.‟ –Me.
„He looks old???‟ –Sihlangu seems confused.
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„No Sihlangu he looks like a younger version of dad.‟ –Me.

„Can we see him?‟ –Ntando.
These kids are all over Milani‟s bed, they want to hold him but Banzi said they
mustn‟t.
„When is he coming home mommy?‟ –Ntando.
„We are coming back tomorrow my angel.‟ –Me.
„Can I hold him?‟ –Sihlangu.
„I said no, you will drop him Sihlangu!‟ –Zweli.
„Zweli just let them hold their brother. Take him Sihlangu but be careful.‟ –Me.
„Do you love him?‟ –Zweli.
„Yes I do! I can‟t wait to play tea party with him and go for walks in the park
together!‟ Ntando says excitedly.
„No Ntando! He is a boy he won‟t do all of that! I will teach him how to play
football and ride bikes.‟ –Sihlangu.
„Who will look after him at home?‟ –Mom.
„ME!‟ they both say excitedly.
„You will both look after him okay.‟ –Me.
„Mommy and I need to make another one so that you will not have to fight over
who will look after him, is that fine?‟ –Zweli, as he is saying this I am looking at
him with a look that says “is he insane!?”
„Yes daddy! Then I will have my own and Sihlangu will have his.‟ –Ntando.
„You think children grow on trees!‟ –Me.
„No I am only joking princess.‟ –Zweli.
„Milani is the last one!‟ –Me.
„Never! There is about two more to come.‟ –Zweli.
This guy thinks being bloated for 9 months and giving birth is fun.
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Chapter 15: A Decade in Marriage!

It‟s been a fruitful 10 years, Zweli and I have been through hell and back within
these years but we have made it through the weather and in a week‟s time, we are
celebrating our 10 year anniversary!
We have three beautiful children:
Ntandokayise who is 9 years in grade three. She has developed an attitude and
her daddy spoils her rotten. She‟s daddy‟s little girl.
Sihlangu who is 7 years old in grade one, he goes to Cordwalle‟s Boys Primary –I
don‟t know why Zweli takes our kids to such expensive schools but I‟m not one
to complain.
Milani my precious twin is 2 years old. The more he grows the more he develops
Zweli‟s features. It scares me.
In a week‟s time we are celebrating our anniversary with Banzi and I have no
idea as to what I am going to buy him. I know he will go to the extreme of buying
me a yacht, anything is possible with Zwelibanzi!
„Hello my beautiful wife.‟ He says leaning in for a kiss.
„I didn‟t hear you come in.‟ I say hugging him.
„What are you cooking? It smells good.‟ –Zweli.
„I am making Lamb!‟ –Me. He loves lamb.
„Hmm, I can‟t wait. What‟s for dessert?‟ he asks pulling up my dress and moves
his hand on my thigh, he has this smirk on his face.
„There is no dessert unfortunately.‟ I say pushing him and moving away from
him.
„What do you mean there is no dessert? We will make a plan.‟ He follows me.
He grabs my waist and pulls me closer to him, I can feel his tongue on my neck
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and my ear, I release a light moan and try to push him away but he presses me
against the sink and puts his one leg in between my thighs and swifts his hand
under my dress.
„Zweli… there are kids here.‟ –Me.
He ignores me and kisses my lips, I feel his hand going inside my panties and
touch my vagina, and I feel something going in… is he seriously going to finger
me in our kitchen!
I keep moaning and making sounds and he is grinding on me, this sink is
beginning to hurt my back but I am enjoying this so I disregard that. He moves
back and I pull him closer but he moves away more, „We will continue this later
babe.‟ He says walking away.
I certainly married a freak!
******
Today my sister is coming to visit; I cannot wait to see her. I haven‟t seen her in
about 6 months since she moved to Cape Town with her husband. She has two
children now, one boy and one girl: Nicola and Joshua.
At least Zweli took all the kids to Landskop today so Kwazi and I can gossip well
with no interruptions!
„Hello… is anybody home?!‟ she walks in my house screaming, remember what I
told you about my family?
„Hi! I haven‟t seen you in ages.‟ I say hugging her.
We go to the outside patio
„So how is life in CT?‟ –Me.
„It‟s great! Our house is beautiful and it‟s next to the beach but it‟s nothing
compared to yours. The kids are happy there as well.‟ –Kwazi.
„That‟s nice; I should come and visit before the end of this year.‟ –Me.
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„You should, and bring mommy too. Either way, a few more days till a decade!‟
she says excitedly.
„I know and it feels like it was yesterday. I don‟t know what to get him though. I
can‟t buy him a watch or cologne or a car for that matter!‟ –Me.
„Why do you say that?‟ –Kwazi.
„You know how Banzi is, he will get me a cruise ship and imagine me giving him
a watch!‟ –Me.
„(Laughs) he will appreciate it though.‟ –Kwazi.
„But I also want to get him something nice and big and something he can show
off with.‟ –Me.
„Don‟t stress yourself sis he is already showing off with you, just give him good
sex and he will be the happiest man alive.‟ –Kwazi.
„He can‟t walk around with his fucked dick!‟ we both laugh.
„I think you should do something simple something intimate. He will appreciate
that more.‟ –Kwazi.
„Like what? I will just buy him a car.‟ –Me.
„No it will be like you are returning the Audi he bought you.‟ –Kwazi.
„Yeah you are right.‟ –Me.
„Bake a cake, a simple one.‟ –Kwazi.
„I could do that, he loves cake.‟ –Me.
„Tomorrow I want us to go do our nails and change our hair.‟ –Kwazi.
„Why? My hair is fine.‟ –Me.
„No I can tell you‟ve had those braids on for months.‟ –Kwazi.
„Okay yeah. And do some shopping.‟ –Me.
„Yes for lingerie and dresses.‟ –Kwazi.
„But mostly for lingerie.‟ I say laughing.
______
„Mommy daddy, wake up!‟ I hear voices.
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Ntando and Sihlangu walk in the room screaming trying to wake Zweli and me
up. They are jumping up and down and pulling away the bed covers.
„Where are we going?‟ –Zweli asks annoyed.
„Please wake up and follow us!‟ –Sihlangu.
„Banzi come let‟s go see what these kids did.‟ –Me, I say dragging myself out of
bed.
So we get to the kitchen and these kids made a cake, how sweet! They made a
round cake written “happy 10 year anniversary!” and they made an English
breakfast for us. These two though… I am in tears and Zweli is speechless like
how could they even think of such? I am so happy and so grateful to have these
beautiful kids as my children and I appreciate everything that they did.
„Who thought of this?‟ I ask looking at the cake.
„It was Sihlangu‟s idea actually but he asked for my help.‟ –Ntando.
„This is beautiful, thank you.‟ –Zweli. We give them hugs.
„We also have another thing to show you.‟ –Sihlangu.
„Oh really you do?‟ –Me.
„Yes, please let‟s go to the lounge.‟ –Ntando.
We go to the lounge and Sihlangu turns on the video player. Before anything
appears I hear Zweli and I favorite song: Endless Love by Luther Vandross and
Mariah Carey. The first thing that appears is a picture of Zweli and me when we
first met at my graduation, that‟s when I knew he was going to be my heaven on
earth. These kids made a movie of the journey Zweli and I have been, from the
time we started dating to the time we got married to the time we had kids till
now. They included a video of Zweli and me saying our vows on our wedding
day, how sweet of them. The closing picture is of them saying a message to us:
“You both have been through worst with each other but the love
you have for one another kept you strong and going, we are proud,
happy and grateful to have you as our parents, although you
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annoy us by kissing in front of us but we love you. We thought that

this live video will make you realize that you have come a long way
and you’ve made it this far. Keep going strong and love each
other, we hope that one day we will also become like you.

Happy 10 years anniversary to mommy and daddy!”

This is just beautiful; I am out of words these kids went to the extreme of baking
a cake and playing us a movie of our journey to this 10 year anniversary. It‟s not
much but it‟s priceless and it means a lot to both Banzi and I.
Later on during the day Zweli dropped the kids at Ntsika‟s place and we went to
Durban to have lunch.
„My love I want us to go somewhere.‟ –Zweli.
„Where is that somewhere?‟ –Me. He chooses to ignore me and he drives near the
uShaka Marine World, he tells me to put on blindfolds and he helps me get out of
the car to that “somewhere”.
Someone please tell me he didn‟t buy me a tourist attraction site!
„Okay we are here so you can take off your blindfolds babe.‟ –Zweli.
When I open my eyes I am standing in front of this huge beautiful well designed
building. There is a big writing on the wall saying “Dine & Dive Restaurant”.
„But babe this was my business plan, how is this possible?‟ –Me, I am confused.
„My love I know I asked you quit your job a few years ago and you told me you
wanted to start a business, so I did some sneaking up and I found your business
plan and I turned it into an actual business!‟ –Zweli.
„What, are you for real!? Like this is my business my restaurant?‟ I am shocked.
„Yes this Dine & Dive belongs to you Salusiwe Ngubane.‟ He says with a huge
smile on his face, „Happy anniversary my love, this is your gift.‟ –Zweli.
I told you he will do the most extreme things, a business is just as big as a yacht!
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„Babe I don‟t know what to say… thank you my love!‟ –Me I say hugging him and
kissing him.
„Let‟s go in and see if I have everything you wanted.‟ –Zweli.
This is just perfect I don‟t know how he even did it on his own. He counted for
all the things I wanted, the stone and wood area the bar area with a TV lounge
and a jazz lounge and he also included the different themes that I wanted, there‟s
even a business lounge. I had it for him especially when he wants to have
meetings outside the office so I accommodate business dinners and meetings; it‟s
the classiest area in the entire restaurant. I am happy with his work.
„So when are we formally launching it?‟ he asks.
„I don‟t know.‟ I say laughing.
„Okay, next weekend it is then.‟ He says leaving.
This guy!
I received a call from my sister saying I must come to her hotel it is urgent so I
asked Zweli to drop me off at her place to my surprise I find mommy and my
friends there.
„What‟s the matter Kwazi?‟ –Me.
„Hi sis, please take a seat.‟ –Kwazi.
„What are mom and my friends doing here?‟ –Me.
Suddenly a lady with a make–up kit comes in and starts doing my hair, I am so
confused.
„Why was I called here again?‟ –Me.
„Just relax Salusiwe.‟ –Zama.
A while later mom comes with a beautiful white dress. It is long and glittery
more of a mermaid design but it is not tight, it has a baggy open back as well.
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„What is going on here?‟ –Me.

„Please get dressed!‟ –Mom.
I put on this dress and all my friends Zama, Nelly, Anele and Kharease put on
the dresses they wore on my wedding day. I get it now; I am getting married
again but where?
So I see Kwazi driving to my house, I keep wondering to myself what are we
doing here. As we enter the gate I see all the family cars parked there and I can
see Bhekifa and Ndlalifa standing on the veranda in suites and ties. I am then
rushed to the back yard…
I can see all my family and close friends from afar, seated on tiffany chairs. As I
approach the passage to the backyard I see lights hanging from the trees and
there‟s a band playing at the end of the aisle my husband is standing there. I
wonder if he knew about this.
So Zweli and I are renewing our vows, I didn‟t know that this was happening no
wonder Kwazi came from Cape Town, and she said we had to change our hair
and nails I guess she knew about this. We have renewed our vows and we are
looking forward to another 100 years to come.
„Babe, who did all of this?‟ I ask him as we make way inside the house. He laughs,
„It was me sthandwa, I planned this entire mini wedding but with the help of
your sister of course.‟ –Zweli.
„You are so sneaky! How come I didn‟t even see the signs?‟ I say pushing him.
We stop before we enter the house, „My love…I really love you and thank you for
sticking with me.‟ –Zweli.
„I love you too Zwelibanzi. I meant what I said 10 years ago on this day.‟ –Me.
„Thank you, I know I haven‟t made these years any easier for you but I really
love you and no one can ever take that from you.‟ He says hugging me. He holds
my chin up and we kiss.
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Everyone is having dinner and we are enjoying ourselves and celebrating. I am

guessing they will all sleep here seeing that they are all so comfortable and no one
is interested in leaving.
„I would like to propose a toast…‟Ndlalifa says standing up. We all raise our
glasses and wait.
„To Salusiwe and Zweli, we wish you many more years to come and we are
looking forward to many juniors.‟ He says laughing.
„To Salusiwe and Zweli‟ the whole crowd repeats.
„Yes we want to see many more little Ngubane‟s running around this house.‟
–Ntsika.
„Hopefully the next one won‟t be killed… oops!‟ –Samkelo says laughing.
Everyone in the room looks at her in shock and disbelief. Zweli has his face down
and I can see tears in his eyes, Ntsika has his hand over his mouth and Ndlalifa is
just staring at Samkelo.
Did she just say that!?
„Nxi…‟ I stand up and leave.
„Salusiwe…‟ Zama calls after me.
„Hey, can I come in?‟ –Zama.
„Why is that girl like this, how could she be so insensitive!?‟ –Me.
„Please come down friend, she is drunk okay don‟t let her get to you.‟ –Zama.
„But she was well aware of what she said!‟ –Me.
„Please don‟t let her ruin your night, you must just relax and be happy.‟ –Zama.
She gives me a hug and comforts me.
******
„What the hell is wrong with you!? Are you insane huh have you lost your
mind!?‟ I can recognize that is Bhekifa‟s voice.
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I walk slower down the passage, I am wondering to myself why Bhekifa is

shouting so loud in my house.
„What the hell is wrong with you?‟ now that is Ntsika speaking. I stop right
before I take the corner to the lounge.
„I am sorry I don‟t know what got to me yesterday, maybe I drank too much
wine.‟ –Samkelo.
Oh they are talking about last night.
„You are going to apologize to Zweli and Salusiwe and you are never going to say
what you said ever again, am I clear?‟ –Ndlalifa.
„Yes you are bhuti.‟ –Samkelo.
„Maybe we should tell Nomusa to sort you out.‟ –Bhekifa.
„No please don‟t Bheki! She will kill me.‟ –Samkelo.
„Then I suggest you start controlling your tongue, and if alcohol is a problem you
should stop drinking it.‟ –Bhekifa.
Someone is coming; I act like I was walking, lol.
„Good morning Salusiwe.‟ –Ndlalifa.
„Good morning bhuti Ndlalifa.‟ –Me.
„How are you feeling?‟ –Ndlalifa.
„I am okay thanks.‟ –Me.
I walk past the lounge and it is so intense…
„Good morning‟ –Me.
„Good morning.‟ –Ntsika.
„I suggest you go now.‟ –Bhekifa.
She comes to the kitchen and stands very far from where I am.
„Can we talk Salusiwe?‟ –Samkelo.
„Okay I‟m listening.‟ –Me.
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„About last night, I am sorry for having to ruin your night with Zweli. I was
really out of line and I shouldn‟t have said that.‟ –Samkelo.
„I am not the one you should be apologizing to sis, it‟s your brother.‟ –Me.
„I know but he won‟t make things any easier for me so I need you to apologise on
my behalf.‟ –Me.
„Can you hear yourself right now!?‟ –Me.
„Yes, like Zweli is hard to talk to and he won‟t forgive me easily but if you talk to
him he will let it go.‟ –Samkelo.
„And I will forgive you easily? You were the one who said he killed his so not me,
so you should be the one apologizing.‟ –Me.
„Argh man I know okay! But I am asking you to do it for me.‟ –Samkelo.
„Sweetheart you should swallow your pride and go speak to your brother, but
from me I don‟t think I can forgive you.‟ –Me.
„What, why?‟ –Samkelo.
„Just go speak to your brother, not now though he‟s still asleep.‟ –Me.
This girl got attitude.
I know this girl doesn‟t like me, from the time we were in college together. She
was against my relationship with Themba and tried by all means to break us up.
When she found out I was dating her brother she fed the family lies about me,
even saying I‟ve got a child. When Zweli and I got married she couldn‟t be happy
for us not even for her brother Zweli! She wanted to cause friction between Zweli
and I she even went to the extent of bringing Themba to the house warming
party just so there could be problems.
So why should I help her when she clearly doesn‟t like me or my marriage. She
must go apologise for herself!
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Chapter 16: The Things We Do For Love!

I wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and Zweli is not in
bed. I get a little bit anxious as I go to the bathroom. I look around the house and
he is not there, I try calling his phone but it rings next to the side lamp.
„Nxi he left his phone.‟ I say getting in bed.
The time is 03:15 and my husband is nowhere to be seen, I know we went to bed
together so where the hell is he!? I can‟t fall asleep now without knowing where
my husband is so I try to call Ntsika but he doesn‟t answer his phone as well then
I decide to call his wife:
„Hello.‟ –Zanele.
„Zah, is Ntsika home?‟ –Me.
„Salusiwe the time is 03:00 why wouldn‟t he be home?‟ –Zanele.
„Zanele please check.‟ –Me.
„Oh…Salusiwe, he is not in bed.‟ –Zanele.
„Zah I woke up to go the bathroom and Zweli was not on his bed side. I looked
for him everywhere in the house but I couldn‟t find him.‟ I am panicking now.
„Have you tried calling him?‟ –Zanele.
„Yes but he left his phone behind, you know what this means.‟ –Me.
„No Salu let‟s not jump into conclusions please.‟ –Zanele.
„They are probably together wherever they are.‟ –Me.
„Let‟s wait till the morning, hopefully they will return home soon. Ntsika also left
his phone by the way.‟ –Zanele.
„This is strange.‟ –Me.
„I will call you in the morning okay.‟ –Zanele.
„Okay, bye.‟ –Me.
******
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I wake up early and prepare breakfast for the family, I also have to take Ntando
to her school today they are having a swimming gala for grade 5 and 6. I also have
to drop off Sihlangu at his friend‟s house in Cascades, he has a party. So today it‟s
just me and Milani, Zweli is always not home so.
I hear the kitchen door opening, oh Zweli walks in. He is shocked to see me.
„My love, why are you up so early? He asks. He doesn‟t come closer to me like he
usually does. He looks horrible, like he was being chased by a crowd of soldiers.
„Good morning. I have to prepare breakfast for these kids, Ntando has a
swimming gala today and Sihlangu is going to a party in Cascades.‟ –Me.
„Oh I forgot about that, I promised Ntando I was going to take her to school.‟
–Zweli.
„Where have you been?‟ –Me.
„Huh, why is something wrong?‟ –Zweli.
„I woke up in the middle of the night and you were not in bed, and why did you
leave your phone behind?‟ –Me.
„I had to go somewhere my love.‟ –Zweli.
„Where, you left me in bed in the middle of the night at least you owe me an
explanation Banzi.‟ –Me.
„I was with my brothers, we had to go to Ashburton Ndlalifa wanted to see us.‟
–Zweli.
„At 03:00 in the morning! Couldn‟t it wait?‟ –Me.
„Babe you know when Ndlalifa speaks we all listen so we had no choice but to go
to Ashburton.‟ –Zweli.
„You look horrible babe. Just go take a shower and sleep. I will take Ntando to
school.‟ –Me.
„Thank you babe, I love you sthandwa.‟ –Zweli.
Later that day I take Milani and go to Montross, Zanele wants us to talk. I
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wonder what time Ntsika came home. I don‟t have to worry about picking up
Sihlangu because they are having a sleep over and at least Ntando‟s school is in
Montross.
„Babe, are you awake?‟ I ask walking in the bedroom.
„Yes my love you can come in.‟ –Zweli.
„Milani and I are going to fetch Ntando. Will you be okay?‟ –Me.
„Yes love you can go. I won‟t leave the house.‟ –Zweli.
„Okay. I put your food in the warmer. I will be back before dinner time.‟ –Me.
„Okay babe, thank you.‟ –Zweli.
„Bye.‟ I say kissing him.
First we pick up Ntando and we drive off to Zanele‟s house. When we get there I
ask Zanele to run a bath for Ntando so she doesn‟t catch a cold, the weather is not
so good today. They should have postponed that gala thing.
„Sihlangu, you can go and play with Sethu he‟s in his room.‟ –Zanele.
Sethu is Zanele‟s last born; he is just a year younger than Sihlangu he is grade 2,
they go to the same school too. Zanele has four kids now and I heard her saying
she‟s done: Sandile, Amahle, Minenhle and Sethu.
„Let‟s go to the lounge Salusiwe.‟ She says as she walks away.
„So what time did Ntsika come in?‟ –Me
„Maybe it was around 06:45 I am not sure.‟ –Zanele.
„Zwelibanzi as well, he said they went to Ashburton Ndlalifa had called all of
them.‟ –Me.
„That‟s what Ntsika said, I guess they were together last night.‟ –Zanele.
„I was getting worried that Zweli is back to his old ways.‟ –Me.
„But Salu, why would Ndlalifa call them in the middle of the night?‟ –Zanele.
She‟s got a point.
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„I don‟t know hey, could there be something secretive happening?‟ –Me.

„Salusiwe there is a conspiracy going on.‟ –Zanele.
„We cannot even ask Nonhlanhla about it, maybe she knows but she is too stuck
up.‟ –Me.
„Ntsika walked in looking like he was digging a grave or something, he was so
dirty.‟ –Zanele.
„Could they have killed someone?‟ –Me.
„No! Let‟s not think like that.‟ –Zanele.
Something is up though but I won‟t ask any questions. Zweli will tell me when
he is ready to tell me for now let me relax.
******
I get home and to my surprise Zweli has already prepared dinner, so I go to our
room and look for him. I stop right at the door when I hear him speaking on the
phone:
„…my wife will kill me. You know how she takes these kinds of things Ndlalifa. I
am a dead person.‟ –Zweli.
„No man! I have to sort this out and I have to sort it out now.‟ –Zweli.
„Okay look we will meet on Friday and discuss this thoroughly. Please tell
Bhekifa and Ntsika to be available for Friday midday.‟ He continues.
„Okay thanks bhuti.‟ He lets out a sigh.
Now I think I should really be worried, why would I kill him?
„My love we are back‟ I say entering the bedroom.
„Sthandwa sami!‟ he is so shocked to see me.
„Is everything okay?‟ –Me.
„Yes love, when did you get home?‟ –Zweli.
„Just now, are you sure you are fine?‟ –Me.
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„Yes babe, I prepared dinner.‟ –Zweli.

„Yes I noticed, thank you.‟ –Me.
He is so jumpy, now I really know he is hiding something.
______
I cannot wait to get home and take off these heels they are killing me! I was in
Durban the whole day, I went to check on how Dine & Dive is doing, so far I
have no complaints at all. The staff is working to their optimum level and the
turnover I am getting is exceptionally well. I am not even in the mood to
entertain these children of mine, especially the exuberant Milani.
I walk inside the house and I immediately take off my heels, „Whew!‟ I say as I
walk to my bedroom.
As I walk past the lounge I see this little boy who has a lollipop and watching
cartoons, well this is a nice surprise I think to myself. He is about Sihlangu‟s age
or a little older I am not sure and him and Milani have a resemblance. He sees me
coming and turns his face; he has an adorable smile with a dimple on his left
cheek, „Hello.‟ He says smiling.
„Hello. How are you?‟ –Me.
„I am good and yourself?‟ him.
„I am also good.‟ –Me. I stand there for a second looking at this boy and he is also
looking at me.
„Who is that little boy in our lounge Zweli?‟ I ask entering our bedroom.
„Oh my love you are back already. So you have met Uvelile?‟ –Zweli.
„Who..?‟ –Me.
„Can you please sit down so I can explain?‟ He says as he sits on the bed.
„That boy there in the lounge is Uvelile Ngubane and he is my son.‟ –Zweli. I
laugh and look at him, he is serious.
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„Are you serious right now Banzi?‟ –Me.

„Yes I am. I am really sorry Salusiwe for not telling you this any sooner but
Uvelile will be staying with us from now on.‟ –Zweli.
„What! Are you insane? I don‟t even know where that kid came from and you are
telling me that he is now part of this family!‟ I am shouting now.
„I know I should have told you sooner about him but I only found out about 2
years ago that I have another son.‟ –Zweli.
„So you are telling me that you have another child from another woman?‟ –Me.
„Yes babe, I do.‟ –Zweli.
I am shocked and I don‟t know what to say, Zweli has another child out of this
marriage that he got when we were already married. Fuck this guy!
„Who and where is his mother?‟ –Me.
„(He sighs) his mother died a week ago. Do you remember last Saturday when I
was not in bed in the middle of the night? (I nod) My brothers and I went to his
mother‟s house to prepare for the funeral. There was no one to take care of him
after his mom died so I had to bring him here.‟ –Zweli.
„So your brother‟s knew about this child too!?‟ –Me.
„Yes babe, they helped me prepare for the funeral without you finding out. They
were the ones who also helped me pay for the damages.‟ –Zweli.
„Fuck you Zwelibanzi.‟ –Me.
„Sthandwa sami… please.‟ –Zweli.
„Who is the mother?‟ –Me.
„Portia is his mother.‟ He says with shame.
„Are you fucking serious right now!? The same Portia who was the wife in my
house while I was in Italy! How could you Zwelibanzi, how could you dammit!?‟
I start crying.
„Sthandwa sami I am really sorry about this but I also had no idea I had a son, she
only told me 2 years ago when she was diagnosed with cancer babe. She asked me
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to look after our son when she dies.‟ –Zweli.

„Am I supposed to feel sorry for that child? That‟s not going to happen, not after
his mother invaded my wardrobe with her skimpy clothes, Nxi!‟ –Me.
„Can we please talk about this love, please?‟ –Zweli.
„Why are you so unfaithful to me Zwelibanzi?‟ I ask crying.
„Salusiwe it happened years…‟ –Zweli.
„Mxm…just keep quiet, please!‟ I say leaving the room.
I go to one of the guest rooms and the moment I get in I let out a loud cry, I
scream and I curse and I cry. I cannot believe this, he kept a secret from me for
two whole years he should have told me the moment the found out.
Now that Veli‟s mom is dead I am supposed to accept smile and act like nothing
is wrong. I have to be the one who mothers this son, who takes care of this child,
who loves this child. I am the one who will be called “mommy” by this child
whose mother slept with my husband and disrespected me in my own damn
house! How am I supposed to do that!? I have to be the one who has to smile and
play lovey–dovey with him, and play happy family. No–no, this time Zweli has
gone way too far. How will I even go about explaining to my children about this?
Zweli knows how to frustrate me! The issue is not that he has a child from
Portia; the issue is that he hid this from me for 2 years. The child has nothing to
do with Portia‟s sins and the child cannot pay for her sins, in all of this Uvelile is
the victim because he has no idea of what went down, but this husband of mine
still has a lot of explaining to do.
May her soul rest in peace by the way…
Today I have called a meeting in my house. All the Ngubane brothers are forced
to attend and I also have my mom. I asked Zanele to take all the kids to her
house, including Veli.
They are all seated in the lounge expect me; I am standing in front of them.
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Zweli looks really scared because he doesn‟t know what I am going to do or say,
my mom is really annoyed and she keeps giving them looks. Ndlalifa looks
ashamed and the other two are emotionless. I promised myself I wasn‟t going to
cry today, I cried it all out last night, in the shower I cried, in my sleep I cried in
front of my kids I cried so today I just want answers.
„I think we all know why we are here I don‟t want to waste any time by
explaining unnecessary things I just want answers to my questions. So all of you
knew about Uvelile?‟ –Me.
„Yes we all knew.‟ –Ndlalifa.
„And all of you decided not to tell me that my husband has another child with
another woman.‟ –Me.
„See Salusiwe, it was not easy to tell you considering the history you had with the
child‟s mother.‟ –Bhekifa.
„But it has to be easy for her to accept this child simply because you guys said so!
Is that what you are saying?‟ –Mom.
This is why I needed her here.
„No ma that‟s not what Bhekifa is saying…‟ –Ntsika.
„Ever since my daughter married Zweli she has been triggered and tested and lied
to. I don‟t know maybe you guys are tired of her as a wife.‟ –Mom.
„No ma! Not at all, I love Salusiwe and I try by all means to make her happy.‟
–Zweli.
„When was Veli born?‟ –Me.
„He was born on the 30th of April 2019 babe.‟ –Zweli.
„This child is Sihlangu‟s age! He is just a month younger than him.‟ –Me.
„Yes he is my love.‟ –Zweli.
„What am I expected to do? Accept this child and move on like nothing is wrong.‟
–Me.
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„We know this will be hard for you but we humbly ask that you try to accept
Zweli‟s child and I promise that he will make things right by you.‟ –Ndlalifa.
I love my husband and if loving him means accepting this child then so be it. It
won‟t be easy but I will try because I want my marriage to be a success.
„I know that Veli had nothing to do with this and it is wrong to punish a child for
their parent‟s mistake so I will take in Veli as my son. But don‟t you for a second
think I have forgiven you, all of you. I am doing this because every child needs a
mother not for you Zweli, not for Portia but for his sake.‟ –Me.
„Thank you my love, I am really sorry I should‟ve have told you sooner.‟ –Zweli.
„Thank you Salusiwe, you are true example of a faithful wife.‟ –Ndlalifa.
I feel like giving him such a slap.
„Thank you Ndlalifa.‟ –Me.
„But let me make this clear before you all go, the next time I get any nasty
surprises in this family or I get mistreated by any of you, I will leave this family
with no hesitation. It‟s not a threat, it‟s a promise. You may leave now.‟ –Me.
I feel like a boss!
Today Zweli is not home, he went to Durban with his brothers to a meeting
regarding the family business and that‟s good because I need to speak to these
kids about their new brother and I prefer to do it alone.
All four of them are seated on the floor at the lounge and I am seating on the
couch, that‟s how they sit when I address them.
„Kids you all have met Veli, right?‟ –Me
„Yes.‟ Ntando says smiling.
„Well Veli is your brother.‟ I say taking a deep breath.
„As in he is your son too?‟ –Sihlangu.
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„No he is not my son but he is your daddy‟s son which makes him your brother.
He is also an Ngubane.‟ –Mom.
„But how come we don‟t know him?‟ –Milani.
„That‟s because he used to live with his mother in Cato Ridge.‟ –Me.
„Okay, where is his mom now?‟ –Ntando.
„She recently passed away but as of today Veli will be staying with us and he will
be part of our family. I want you to treat him like one of us and love him like you
love one another he is your brother.‟ –Me.
„Okay, no problem he is cool.‟ –Sihlangu.
„Veli I want you to be comfortable around the house okay, this is your new home
and we are your family and I am your mother now.‟ –Me.
„Okay thank you. Can I call you mom?‟ –Veli.
„Yes, yes you can.‟ –Me.
I am officially a mother of four.
„Sihlangu Veli will move in your room, the beds will come in tomorrow. You
shouldn‟t have a problem because you guys are practically twins.‟ –Me.
„Twins mama?‟ –Sihlangu.
„Yes Veli was born a month after you were born, you can call each other twins.‟
–Me.
„I have a twin!‟ Sihlangu sounds happy.
„I have a twin too!!‟ okay they are both happy.
„I have a twin!!‟ they say at the same time.
I think we will all get along just fine.
******
Later that night Zweli and I are sleeping in bed; I have my head on his chest. We
usually sit like this when we‟re about to have a serious conversation.
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„My love, I told the kids about Veli.‟ –Me.

„You did, and how did they take it?‟ –Zweli.
„They took it well, better than I thought actually.‟ –Me.
„That‟s good. You told Sihlangu that they will share a room?‟ –Zweli.
„Yes I did he was so happy. They call each other twins now.‟ I say laughing.
„At least they were able to accept him. Thank you for accepting him.‟ –Zweli.
„No problem love.‟ –Me.
„Sthandwa which school does Veli go to?‟ –Me.
„He goes to Ridge Boys Primary.‟ –Zweli.
„We need to get him a transfer to Cordwalle‟s, so he and Sihlangu can go to the
same school.‟ –Me.
„Yes, you know I forgot about that. This is why I need you.‟ –Zweli.
„Would you be able to ask for a place at Cordwalle‟s? The thing is it‟s already
mid–year and it may not be easy to get him a school in PMB now.‟ –Me.
„I will see what I can do.‟ –Zweli.
I have loved and accepted this child like my own and never in my wildest dreams
did I ever think I would be this calm about being a step–mom.
The things we do for love…
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Chapter 17: Trip to the Homeland

Tomorrow the whole Ngubane family is travelling to Vryheid, that‟s where the
big home is, where Bab‟Ngubane was born, that is Zweli‟s grandfather‟s home.
Apparently Ndlalifa had a dream of their grandfather complaining about them
deserting their home so they have to do a ritual to the ancestors as an apology.
We also have to welcome our children, there‟s even a cow and a goat Nonhlanhla
and Zandile will prepare the traditional beer. I‟m not about that life!
So we all leave tomorrow morning and the animals will be slaughtered tomorrow
evening thereafter we will have lunch with the neighbors on Saturday.
From what I‟ve heard the reason these kids never bothered to go to Vryheid is
because of the history they have with their community. I heard that
Bab‟Ngubane moved to Landskop after all his family members including his
siblings were killed by members of the community, something about them being
nominated as a Royal Family so people were not happy and they killed them but
only Zweli‟s father and his younger brother made it alive. So they vowed that
they will never return there again, but now they are forced to go back there and
face their community.
„Babe is everything set for tomorrow?‟ Zweli asks as he gets in bed.
„Yes my love. I packed just about everything we need.‟ –Me.
„Good because we will leave at 04:00.‟ –Zweli.
„Has Ndlalifa sorted everything that side?‟ –Me.
„Yes and we have renovated the whole house. It was not in a good condition.‟
–Zweli.
„You built it all over again?‟ –Me.
„Yes, we made it bigger and better. There are enough rooms for everyone and plus
Ndlalifa said there needs to be a separate room for the ancestors.‟ –Zweli.
„I wonder if the kids will like it there, they have never been to a place like that.‟
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–Me.
„They have no choice but to like it.‟ –Zweli.
******
The time is 05:30 and we are already passing by Durban the kids are all sleeping
in the car. I heard Ndlalifa slept there in Vryheid only Nonhlanhla is travelling
with their children. I am also tired but I am trying by all means not to fall asleep.
We arrive there at about 10:45; we had many pit stops along the way.
„Mama, what are we doing here?‟ Milani asks as we join a narrow dusty road.
„We are going to your father‟s home Junior.‟ –Me.
„Daddy‟s home is not this far.‟ –Sihlangu.
„This is my father‟s home. We have to do a ceremony for my family members
that passed away. That is why we are here now I don‟t want any questions!‟
Zweli shouts at the kids.
He‟s been intense since we left Hilton; I don‟t know maybe coming here brings
him hatred or something. I hate seeing him like this he will be shouting all day or
he won‟t say a word if he wants.
I see Ntsika and Bhekifa‟s cars already parked as we approach the gate, the house
has a very big yard with grass everywhere and there are about 10 tombstones near
the gate. Zweli gets even more intense as he glances at those graves; this is really
hard on him. I rub his arm and I hold his hand and I give him an assuring look I
know it will make him feel better.
The children jump off the car and they all run to play with their cousins. Zweli
takes all the bags to our house.
They built one big house with a kitchen dining area and a lounge, then around
that one house there are many houses which are bedrooms and they all have
en–suit bathrooms.
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Ndlalifa has called everyone to the lounge for a meeting.

„Okay the cow and goat will arrive later on today and we will slaughter it tonight.
I need the wives to ensure that all the children are inside the house when my
brothers and I go to the tombstones later tonight.‟ –Ndlalifa.
„Is there anything that we are expected to do?‟ –Zandile.
„No not as yet but I need all of you to bear with what we have to do, especially
you Salusiwe because I know you are not familiar with these rituals, it‟s not
going to be easy‟ –Ndlalifa.
„Perhaps we should get going with inviting the people for tomorrow.‟ –Bhekifa.
„I am not coming with you.‟ –Zweli.
„You have to come, we cannot do this alone Zweli! We have to go see Bab‟
Khumalo, we all have to go.‟ –Ndlalifa.
Bab‟ Khumalo is the traditional healer that will be helping us connect with our
ancestors.
„No Ndlalifa someone has to stay behind and look after the wives and the kids!
What if someone comes here and tries to kill them huh? I am damn sure the
whole community knows that we are here, what if something happens Ndlalifa,
and these people hate us?!‟ –Zweli.
„No sthandwa we will be fine. You have to go. It is important for all of you to go
so please don‟t worry about us.‟ –Me.
„Zwelibanzi, I know how hard this is for you for everyone in fact but we have to
do this if we want to make things right. You know our granddad loved us and I
am sure he is happy to see us in his house so trust me nothing will happen to our
wives and children, he will protect them.‟ –Ndlalifa.
*****
Later at night Zweli and his brothers are gone to the grave yard with Bab‟
Khumalo, the rest of the wives are in the lounge expect for Zanele and I we are
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still preparing food for these children.

„You know earlier on I saw Veli talking to some man by the gate.‟ –Zanele.
„What did that man want from Veli?‟ –Me.
„It seemed as if they were having a real conversation, I am not sure if we should
be worried but that man suddenly left when he saw me.‟ –Zanele.
„No I think we should call Veli and ask him, it may be serious Zah.‟ –Me.
We call Zweli to the kitchen:
„My boy, aunty Zah tells me you met a friend earlier today.‟ –Me.
„Yes I did, Bab‟ Mpiyakhe.‟ He says excitedly.
„What did he say to you?‟ –Zanele.
„He was telling me about daddy‟s father and all the people who lived here. He
told me that they were all killed by the community.‟ –Veli.
Zanele and I look at each other.
„What else did he say my boy?‟ –Me.
„He told me not to tell anyone but Baba Ndlalifa.‟ –Veli.
„Veli you can tell me I am your mother, I will tell Baba Ndlalifa okay.‟ –Me.
„Mama why did we come here if we are not welcome?‟ –Veli.
„Veli what did that man say to you?!‟ –Me.
„He said that the community is planning to kill all of us before we leave. He said
we should go tomorrow morning before the sun rises or the day won‟t end
without any shedding of blood.‟ –Veli.
Oh my God, this man shouldn‟t speak to kids about such!
I need to tell these men! Zanele and I are panicking right now.
The brothers walk in a few minutes later and I they all go settle down at the
lounge. They seem happy and a bit lighter than when we arrived but Zweli is still
tense.
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„I need to speak to you!‟ I say struggling to breath.

„Is everything okay my love?‟ –Zweli, he rushes next to me and holds me.
„I need to speak to all of you privately.‟ –Me.
„Go to your room kids, we will see you in the morning okay. Good night.‟
–Ndlalifa says.
„What is going on my love?‟ –Zweli.
„I was speaking to Veli and he told that he met a man while you were away. Well
Zanele saw him speaking to that man...‟ –Me.
„What man…‟ –Bhekifa.
„He said that the man told him that the whole community knows that we are all
here and they are planning to kill us all tomorrow (I can‟t talk now), he said the
man said we must leave before the sun rises or we will not live to see the sunset
tomorrow.‟ I start crying.
„It‟s okay my love please don‟t cry, nothing will happen okay, no one will die.
That man was just fooling around.‟ –Zweli says hugging me tight.
„Did Uvelile say who this man was?‟ –Ndlalifa.
„He said it was Bab‟ Mpiyakhe I think.‟ –Zanele.
„Okay thank you, we need to speak to Veli.‟ –Ndlalifa.
„No! No one is going to question my child! It is bad enough that he knows we are
going to die so you can‟t ask him questions or he will start telling his brothers and
sisters. We can‟t have our children crying over this.‟ –Me.
„She‟s got a point bhuti, we cannot ask him any questions we just need to find
this Mpiyakhe guy, and we need to find him now!‟ –Ntsika.
„Zweli I need you to take Salusiwe to your bedroom and stay with her okay and
look after her she seems traumatised. We will go take care of this situation.‟
–Ndlalifa.
The next day I wake up and Zweli is not in bed, I can hear voices though outside
our room. I walk up to the door and I place my ear on the keyhole so I can hear
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what they are talking about.

„…but we took care of the situation, there shouldn‟t be any trouble today.‟
–Ntsika.
„So everyone is safe? Are you sure?‟ –Zweli.
„Everyone is safe but we are not sure. We found this Mpiyakhe man and we
spoke to him, he told us what the people of this community are planning so we
told him to arrange a meeting for us today at 08:00.‟ –Bhekifa.
„My wife was really scared I need to know nothing will happen to her, or any of
us for that matter!‟ –Zweli.
„Don‟t worry we took care of the situation so today everything will run smoothly,
relax bhuti.‟ –Ndlalifa.
„Get dressed we need to go to that meeting. By the way Mpiyakhe is that little
boy who used to visit granddad.‟ –Ntsika.
I rush to the bathroom and pretend as if nothing happened; Zweli will kill me if
he caught me eavesdropping.
„Sthandwa sami, good morning.‟ He says kissing my forehead.
„Good morning.‟ –Me.
„We are leaving to go to a meeting, will you be okay?‟ –Zweli.
„Yes I will babe. How did your brothers go yesterday?‟ –Me.
„They called a meeting with the community so that‟s where we‟re headed; I need
to know that you will be fine before I go?‟ –Zweli.
„I will be fine; the other wives are here too.‟ –Me.
„Just please make sure Veli or any of the kids don‟t talk to anyone.‟ –Zweli.
I nod and leave bathroom.
People start coming for the lunch we invited them to, as they all come in they
look at the tombstones and they all walk in with their heads down. Bhekifa
insisted we put up a tent so everyone can sit together; they all walk to the tent.
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Zanele, Xolile and I are standing outside on the veranda looking at the kids play
when we notice a group of 5 grown men hesitating to enter the gates; they are
very intimidating I must say.
„Samkelo please get all the kids inside!‟ I scream for Samkelo.
Something about these men doesn‟t sit well with me.
We have called out Nonhlanhla and Nomusa as well to see these men who just
stopped at the family grave yard and are looking at each other. We cannot call out
any of our husband‟s because they are busy at the ancestral room. One noticed we
are looking at them and he calls the others and they all look at us and suddenly
they all walk down to where we are standing.
I think this is the part where we should all walk inside the house.
„Sanibona…‟ one says as he takes off his hat.
„Yebo baba, how are you?‟ Nonhlanhla answers.
„We have come to dine with the Ngubane family, are we welcome?‟ another says.
„Yes you are welcome, feel at home.‟ –Nomusa.
One keeps looking at the tombstones, somehow that doesn‟t sit well with me.
„Sthandwa please get the…‟ Ntsika walks out, he is followed by his brothers but
they all stop when they see these men in front of us.
„Madoda amakhulu..! Thank you for coming.‟ –Ndlalifa.
„We thank you. The past is in the past now let‟s all just work towards a better
future.‟ That one man says Zweli just storms out suddenly.
„My love is everything okay? I ask him as I enter our room.
He is sitting on the edge of the bed with his hands covering his face.
„My love...‟ I say sitting next to him.
„Salusiwe please leave me alone, I am fine.‟ –Zweli.
„No babe I can‟t leave you alone. Why are you so angry?‟ –Me.
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He moves his hands from his face and tears are streaming down his cheeks live
the River Jordan.
„I hate these people, I hate this place!‟ he shouts.
„I understand how you feel sthandwa but please you have to let go of the past…‟
–Me.
„No Salusiwe you don‟t understand!!!‟ He shouts.
Ohh…
„I am sorry sthandwa for shouting at you but these people killed my family they
killed my mother! How am I supposed to move on and pretend like I am okay
with that!? I hate them, all of them I hate this place! I was only 12 Salusiwe when
they killed my mom, 12 years old! So how am I supposed to forgive and move on
like nothing ever happened?‟ –Zweli.
I didn‟t know how Zweli‟s mom died, Ntsika only told me never to ask him
about their mother because it is a very sensitive topic. I heard he had the closest
bond with their mom, I asked him where his mother‟s grave was so we could visit
her and he said he didn‟t know and that was the end of it he even told me not to
ask about his mother ever again. Now I know why he‟s been feeling this way and
why he has been so tense, he hates these people for killing his mom. It‟s
understandable.
„I am sorry my love I didn‟t know, I thought I was only trying to comfort you. I
am sorry about your mom.‟ I say hugging him.
„They shot her in front of me Salusiwe, she begged them not to touch me or
Nomusa, she begged them to let us go but they shot Xolile‟s twin dead and she
told us to run and hide inside the house but I couldn‟t leave her behind so I
stopped… (Tears fall) and they shot her in her head and she died, just like that
they killed my mom, in front of me.‟ –Zweli.
I didn‟t know Xolile had a twin brother.
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„I am sorry babe it must be really hard on you having to see these men who killed
your mom gathered in one place.‟ –Me.
„Can you please give me space love?‟ –Zweli.
„Sure.‟ I say standing up.
******
Today we are all leaving, we are going back to our normal lives and we are finally
leaving the misery of this place behind.
As I put all the bags on the car boot I see Zweli kneeling on his mother‟s grave,
this is really hard on him and I can see that he hasn‟t forgiven these people.
Having to witness your mother and your brother‟s death must be really hard. I
walk up to him; he has his eyes closed so he cannot see me standing there behind
him.
„…but mostly thank you mama for giving me such an amazing woman I love my
wife more than life itself ma. She reminds me of you, the way she conducts
herself and how she raises our children, it‟s like how you did with us, that‟s why I
love her. I wish you could meet her mama I know you would love her too.‟
–Zweli. I feel like crying.
„I don‟t know why I keep hurting her though mama, dad never hurt you right? I
even killed our son ma what kind of a husband does that!? Recently I brought
home another child I got from another woman but she accepted the child like her
own, with warm open hands and a smile on her face, she is not even pretending
ma. We have four beautiful kids now mama, Ntandokayise, Sihlangu, Uvelile
and Milani… I wish one day you would come home just for one day and see how
your children are doing; I know you will be very proud of us. From Ndlalifa to
Samkelo you would be very happy, please ma just for one day. I hope you and dad
are together, we love you ma and we miss you…‟ He is crying now.
I can‟t stand to see him cry so I just walk back to the car and wait there.
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Chapter 18: A Great Betrayal!

It‟s been 25 years into this marriage and I must say it hasn‟t been at all easy but I
love my husband and all that we have done and conquered together. We have 5
children now: Ntando who is 18 years now, Sihlangu and Veli are 16, Milani is 12
and there‟s the last born Philanathi who is only 7 years old.
Zweli is starting to get grey hair, he is 55 years old but he still looks fresh and
handsome. I think he looks more handsome now that he is old, he still has his
well–structured body and he still has his dimples and all. Unfortunately Bhekifa
had passed away about 2 years ago and his wife and kids moved to Cape Town
and we only see them on Easter and Christmas holidays now. A lot has happened
in these past years; Amahle got married and moved to London her brother
Sandile turned into a coconut and has two beautiful princesses from a white
woman Sweden. But what would you expect from a guy who went to Hilton
College?
I can‟t believe Ntando is going to University very soon, she has grown so much
and the bond she has developed with her father is unbreakable I don‟t know how
they will function without each other. She is the only girl so even her brothers
treat her like a fragile masterpiece. She wants to study engineering so I guess she
takes that from me, I must say Zweli was not happy about that, hopefully his
sons will be interested in business whatsoever.
By the way, my restaurant Dive & Dine is doing so well, it has 3 other branches
in PMB, Cape Town and Johannesburg. I also started an Engineering firm with
Nqobani based in Johannesburg and that too is coming along just fine.
I must say life has been pretty much fun and fruitful for my family. Oh, mom
moved to Cape Town with Nokwazi.
Nelly and I are no longer friends; I can‟t really say what happened between us,
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Anele and her husband Sizwe divorced about a year ago and their child
committed suicide… shame.
Zama and I are still in touch although she has quit modeling but opened her own
modeling school. Kharease married a rich Russian man and moved to Ghana, a lot
has changed over the years.
______
Early one morning when Zweli was asleep I woke up nice and early that day to
prepare an English breakfast for my family, unexpectedly I received a letter with
no address seen so I paid it no mind; in fact I wanted to send it back but
something that I was feeling said open it.
It said:
Dear Reader:
(Once a close friend of mine)
I hope that this letter finds you in time because
your love is ending and my life is just beginning with
a man that I know you hold dear to…

I didn’t wish for things to get to this point but I had no

control over what I felt, I am sure you know that the
heart wants what it wants no matter how hard you try to ignore it.

I found a man I think I truly love, he was everything I’ve been dreaming of,
but he was married and there was nothing I could do because boy…
he loved his wife. I think you can see where I am going with this.
I am sorry I had to do this to you but I think it is better I tell you than
you finding out on your own. Zweli and I have been seeing each other
for the past year now.

PS: I am sorry

Yours Truly
Sanelisiwe Nelly
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It took me a minute to wake up and realise what the love of my life was doing to
me. I wanted to lie down and die because I knew my pride wouldn‟t let me cry
somehow I knew I had to get over it.
She said she couldn‟t understand until she felt his touch, now she can see why I
love Zweli so much and that‟s so unfair because I never thought I‟d have to share
the love that I thought it was given only to me.
„I don‟t ever want to see you again Zwelibanzi!‟ I say with tears rushing down my
face.
I walked in our room fuming with anger like a steamed pot, I took the bed covers
and threw them on one side and woke him up with a tight clout on his face.
„But babe, what did I do now, you…‟ he says.
„Tell me why did it have to be one of my best friends that you were messing
around with?‟ I shout.
„I am sorry love.‟ He says with tear filling his eyes.
„Zwelibanzi maybe if it was just 1 month or 3 months I would forgive you, but
you were dating my friend behind my back for a whole flipping‟ year! I can‟t do
this, I‟ve had enough. I‟ve really had it with you.‟ I say leaving the room.
„Sanelisiwe I don‟t love her!‟ he calls out.
„Did you just call me by her name?‟ I turn and walk back to him.
„I am sorry sthandwa it was a mistake.‟ He says trying to hold my hand.
„You‟ve really outdone yourself this time Banzi.‟ I walk out and close the door.
The next day I woke up nice and early and prepared the kids for school, I was
having a meeting with Nelly at my restaurant in Durban –Zweli and I haven‟t
spoken since yesterday and quite frankly I don‟t want to speak to him, let alone
see his face! He slept a hotel or something.
„Hey… How are you?‟ she says wanting to hug me.
„Hi‟ I say sitting down.
„So how is everything been? You know we haven‟t communicated for a while.‟
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She smiles.
Why is she acting like everything is fine when she‟s been fucking my husband
for a year!?
„How can you do this to me though Nelly? We have been friends for over 10
years. Maybe had it been my boyfriend I would understand but my husband!‟ I
say looking at her, though I am not shouting or anything.
„I am so sorry Salusiwe and I know how much you love Zweli, I also didn‟t mean
to fall in love with him it just happened.‟ She says.
„Just happened you say…how can dating your friend‟s husband for a year just
happen!?‟ I raise my voice.
„Look you have every right to be mad at me…‟
„Damn right I do!‟ I am shouting now. „I trusted you Sanelisiwe and there is
nothing I didn‟t do for you as a friend and in all that we‟ve been through this is
how you thank me, by fucking my man behind my back for a year!‟ I stand up
and leave.
„Salu I am sorry!‟ she calls after me.
I get home before the kids do and I have to prepare dinner and talk to them, I
need to tell them what‟s going on before they notice themselves.
Later at night they are all seated on the lounge carpet and facing me, yes I still
address them like that.
„My children, mommy is going away for a while okay.‟ I say to them.
„Where are you going mom?‟ –Sihlangu.
„I am going to our home in Cape Town; your father will stay here with you.‟
–Me.
„Why are you leaving mama?‟ –Ntando.
„I need some time alone, nothing major.‟ I answer with a smile.
„Are you and dad fighting?‟ –Sihlangu.
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„No, I am doing this for me. I need to figure myself out emotionally okay and I
need a place with no people to do that. Your father and I are not fighting.‟ –Me.
„For how long will you be away?‟ Milani seems scared.
„Not for long my angel.‟ –Me.
Zweli walks in just as I am talking to them, he looks shocked and scared. He
knows that I am telling them something serious since they are seated on the floor
in a circular form. He greets us and walks straight to our room, I wonder why he
came back home today!
„Okay mama you can go, we will be fine but please promise that you will come
back home soon.‟ –Ntando.
„You are my kids and I would never abandon any of you, I love you. I promise I
will come back home soon okay.‟ I say hugging her.
******
„Good morning... my love.‟ He says walking in the room.
„Nelly is you love not me!‟ I say walking out.
Why is he following me!?
„Yesterday I saw you speaking to the kids; I hope you didn‟t tell them what is
going on.‟ He comes closer to me.
„Why shouldn‟t I tell them Zwelibanzi?‟ I move away.
„We shouldn‟t involve them in our marital problems babe! They are kids.‟ He
shouts.
„Why are you shouting at me? At this point you have no right to even raise your
voice at me.‟ I say firmly.
„I am sorry but you just shouldn‟t have told them about any of this.‟ He says
walking away.
„I told them I was leaving.‟ I say making tea.
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„What…you are leaving? To where? Why are you leaving?‟ he comes back.
He stands in front of me and he looks straight into my eyes, I can see he wants to
tear up.
„Yes, I am leaving. I can‟t stand to see your face Zweli, every time I look at you I
just think of you on top of Nelly. I can‟t believe you did this to me.‟ I say with
tears falling.
„Leaving is not the only option though sthandwa…‟
„You don‟t get to call me that anymore.‟ I say trying to move away from this
awkward position.
He grabs me by my waist and pulls me closer to him, he holds me very tight and
he releases a loud sigh, I can tell he is crying by the way he is breathing. When I
try to move he holds me even tighter and he whispers „please don‟t leave me, I
love you and I will do anything to make things right between us. Please
maNgcobo.‟
„I am sorry Zweli but I have made up my mind, I can‟t do this anymore. I have
tolerated your bullshit for way too long.‟ I say moving away.
„You don‟t mean that Salusiwe, for better or worse…‟ he says.
„I am sorry.‟ I walk away.
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Chapter 19: How I Lost My Sanity!

I just came back from Cape Town and I can‟t wait to get home, see my kids and
hear Phila tell me all about his Cricket team, and make love to my husband. I‟ve
missed Banzi dearly and I can‟t wait to see him.
Although his affair with Nelly did make me upset I decided to let it go and fix my
marriage. I will not allow a skank like Sanelisiwe to break us up I mean we‟ve
been through worse things than this.
******
I got home around 15:15 and I saw Zweli‟s car parked outside the garage.
„Shouldn‟t he be on his way to pick up the kids by now though?‟ I ask myself.
Well anyway I dismiss that idea and I can‟t wait to hold him and kiss him.
First thing I notice when I walk past the lounge, an empty bottle of wine. Zweli
doesn‟t drink wine and even if he did he wouldn‟t drink it all by himself.
„This is rather strange.‟ I continue walking.
And then I began to walk a bit slower cause I thought I heard a squeaky sound,
something is going on in that room. As I get closer to the door all I hear is my
husband‟s voice in my ears saying, “Sexy lady drive me crazy, give me more!”
When I opened the door I couldn‟t believe it, my husband was having sex with
another woman in my house in my damn bed.
Ngiyalingwa ngisehlane!
What I saw was enough to drive a preacher wild; as soon as he saw me he quickly
got up and covered himself with that lady‟s dress, the audacity! But it was the only
thing closer to him. He came closer to me and started apologising telling me he
didn‟t know I was coming back today.
What the Fuck?
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I just went back to the lounge I sat there and I told him to tell me when he is done
because I would really love to take a shower and sleep, I‟ve got a jet leg.
I could tell he seemed surprised at my reaction because I didn‟t cry and I didn‟t
throw any tantrums like how I did with Portia, may her soul rest in peace. I just
calmed myself and told them to carry on.
My marriage was coming to an end!
******
Today I decided not to go to work; I wanted to change the bed and the sheets. Yes
I bought a new bed. I called my mom and I told her what Zweli had done, I needed
advise from someone older and wiser. Then I called Zama, my go–to–girl, she said
she is going to fly down to South Africa this weekend –mind you she is in
Amsterdam, talk about loyal friends.
Later that day, Zweli came back home early. We haven‟t spoken about the rubbish
he‟s been up to. He walks in and finds me making the bed.
„Does this mean you are sleeping in our bedroom today?‟ he says walking in.
„This is still my bedroom Zweli, in case you‟ve forgotten.‟ I say pulling the sheets.
„Can we talk about what happened yesterday?‟ He says pulling me aside.
„Why did you bring another woman home Banzi, and on top of that make love to
her in my bed?‟ I ask with a soft calm voice.
„I am sorry Salusiwe. I didn‟t know you were coming back home yesterday.‟ He
says.
„That doesn‟t make it okay, Banzi.‟ I say.
„I know and I am deeply sorry. It will never happen again…‟
I interrupt him before he can even finish his sentence, „but that‟s what you said
when I found out about Portia.‟
„I know but my love I was lonely and I needed comfort. I was still feeling bad
about the Nelly saga.‟ He explains.
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„So basically you telling me that you find comfort in other women, wow Zweli.‟ I
walk away to continue with making the bed.
„That‟s not what I am saying. I love you Salusiwe and I am sincerely sorry for all
the pain I have caused in your life.‟ He kneels down begging me to forgive.
„I know, and that‟s why I chose to forgive you. Now get up I didn‟t marry a weak
man!‟ I say walk away.
He quickly gets up and hugs me tightly.
You guys are probably wondering why I am so chilled about this… I am not!
______
As soon as Zama landed we booked her into a hotel close to Ms. Philly‟s house.
By the way, Philly is Zweli‟s current side chick.
Zama and I tracked this girl down and we found everything we needed, from the
colour of her room to the type of underwear she wears. She is one of Zweli‟s
business associates, had one child who is in grade 10 goes to MCS. When I said we
know everything I meant we know everything!
******
„Babe you remember I am coming home later today right, we‟ve got a business
dinner.‟ –Zweli.
„Yes I remember. Have fun.‟ I say.
„I will try not to be that late.‟ He says kissing my forehead. Then he leaves.
Shit is about to go down!
Ms. Philly is also attending the “business dinner”, so today is the perfect day to
break into her flat, lol.
Zama and I broke into her flat, we were both dressed like plumbers and we told
the security guard that we were called to fix the toilet, I know right.
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As soon as we got in, we filled the bath tub with hot steaming water and we filled
all her clothes there, Zama bought 5liter bleach and I don‟t know where she got
that. We poured all of it and washed Ms. Philly‟s clothes with bleach.
„What about her shoes? We can‟t leave anything Salusiwe!‟ she says gathering
them in one place.
„Let‟s burn them.‟ I say laughing.
And indeed we put them in the fire place, poured the last bit of bleach that was left
and within seconds a flame was ignited and they were burning into ashes.
„I knew I could count on you my friend.‟ I say hugging Zama.
„I would do anything for you babe. We can‟t allow skank‟s like Ms. Philly” to take
our husbands and not do anything about it, over my dead body!‟ –Zama.
„You‟re not even married Zama.‟ I say laughing.
„Still, Zweli is married to you and that means he is married to me. End of story!‟
–Zama. We both laugh.
We suddenly hear a chainsaw making a loud noise outside Philly‟s flat, Zama and
I both go hiding behind the sofa and boom! The door cracks open. My heart was
about to come out my mouth when I heard Kwazi calling my name.
„How the hell did you get here!?‟ I say shouting at her.
„Zama told me about your plan and there was no way I wasn‟t going to be part of
this amazing plan.‟ She says closing the door. Zama just stands there laughing.
„What the hell are you doing with a chainsaw Nokwazi!?‟ I ask curiously.
„This…‟
She starts cutting the couches in half with that chainsaw, I try to stop her but
Zama says it‟s a great idea and she snatches it away from her and she cuts every
single piece of furniture in that house in half. These women are crazy.
„There try I as well!‟ Zama says.
„It‟ll be fun sis!” –Kwazi.
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„This will teach Philly not to mess with married men.‟ Zama insists.
I take the chainsaw and I walk to her bedroom, „this goes to all the women whose
husbands have been cheating on them!‟ I say before I begin chopping all the
unnecessary wood in this room, lol. From the bed to the wardrobe to every single
thing I find in sight. Ohh the pleasure I got in doing this, yet I knew very well
that I wasn‟t going to be able to sleep that night due to guilt.
„Alright girls I think we are done here!‟ I say as we get out things and leave the
house like there was a hurricane.
******
Then we get to my house, I called a plumber to set the geyser for me. I told my
girls it was giving me trouble because I know if I told them the truth they were
going to tell me not to go ahead with my plan. I need to teach Zweli a lesson as
well.
The girls and I drank wine, got drunk, laughed and they left. Kwazi was spending
the week at Zama‟s hotel.
Around 20:00 I took the kids to Ntsika‟s place and I was patiently waiting for
Zweli because any moment from now he should walk in that door. And indeed
around 20:45 he came in.
„Good evening babe.‟ I rush to get his briefcase.
„Hey, where are the kids?‟ he gives me a kiss.
„I took them to Ntsika‟s house. I just want us to spend the weekend together and
be free in our house.‟ I say with a naughty smile.
„Well someone‟s in a mood.‟ He says grabbing my butt.
„Your food is in the warmer but I suggest you take a bath first.‟ I lead him to our
room.
„I think so too. I need to feel refreshed and energised for the night.‟ He smiles.
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He‟s getting what‟s coming his way.

Just when he was soaking himself in the bath tub, enjoying is warm bath; he was
evening humming a song.
BOOM! The geyser bursts. One minute he was singing the next he is screaming
like a baby but I understand that a flood of hot boiling water pouring and flowing
from every corner of the bathroom is no joke.
„Salusiwe let me out! Salusiwe open the door I am dying here! Open the damn
door!!!‟ he screams banging the door.
I just remain seated at the lounge enjoying a glass of wine and some good music.
„Salusiwe please I am burning up here. Babe can you hear me!?‟ he keeps on
screaming out loud crying for help like a hopeless beggar.
How the mighty on has fallen.
As soon as I hear that the water has stopped streaming, I quickly rush out to the
bathroom and I open the door, „Babe is everything okay?‟
„Call the damn ambulance or take me to hospital!‟ he says trying to crawl.
In 30 minutes Zweli was admitted in hospital and I must say, he is better than I
expected. I knew he‟d be able to deal with it.
******
The next day I woke up feeling refreshed and happy, which is strange because I
should be worried about Zweli‟s well–being. I took a bath and put on my best
outfit ever, heels and all. I went to see Zweli in hospital.
On my way there I bought him flowers and a get–well–soon card. I walked inside
his ward with a smile on my face and even better he was awake.
„Good morning baby.‟ I give him a kiss on the forehead. „I got you flowers.‟ I say
placing them on the vase on his bedside.
„What are you doing here Salusiwe!?‟ he shouts.
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„Am I not allowed to visit my husband in hospital?‟ I ask grabbing a chair.

„What kind of a sick game are you playing!?‟ he gives me the look.
„I don‟t know what you‟re talking about. Maybe you need to rest Zweli.‟ I say
placing my hand on his forehead to fee his temperature.
„Philly called me earlier this morning and told me that someone broke in her
house, I don‟t need to explain what went down because I figured you know since I
am in hospital due to the geyser over heating! Our geyser is pretty knew to just
over heat and conveniently enough burst while I am bathing, don‟t you think?‟ He
shouts. „Well played babe. You deserve a round of applause.‟ He gives me two
claps.
She still has the audacity to call him. Wow this woman is something else.
„I am glad you figured it out, you not so dumb after all.‟ I say leaning back.
„Salusiwe what is wrong with you, I thought we were through this sthandwa!‟ he
sits up straight.
„How can you say through this Zwelibanzi? You thought we were through this!
Clearly something is wrong with you.‟ I shout at him.
„But Sthandwa we spoke about this and I apologised, you even said you forgive me
because you love me, what changed?‟ he asks calmly.
As much as I am mad at Zweli, I still admire the fact that he never forgets to call
me “sthandwa” even when he is angry.
„You should‟ve asked yourself Banzi why I forgave you so easily when I caught
you in bed with another woman. You know exactly the tantrums I normally
throw so you should‟ve figured something was up. No woman gets to fuck my
husband, in my house, on my bed and gets away with it; it is outright disrespectful
so she needs to be reprimanded. And what better way than to bleach all her clothes
and chop her furniture in half?‟ I stand up.
„You are insane!‟ –Zweli.
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„And it‟s all thanks to you Zweli that I have lost my sanity!‟ I shout back.
„I don‟t know who you are anymore Salusiwe! This, this is not the woman I
married 25 years ago.‟ He shouts and points at me.
„And in those 25 years everything has been rosy!? Huh?‟ I ask angrily.
„Sthandwa I know sometimes I act stupid and I do all these hurtful things but…‟
„Then you have no right to call me insane Zwelibanzi! I‟ve been walking in a
garden filled with thorns for 25 years!‟ I shout, the nurses are even peeping to see
what‟s happening.
„Babe you‟re embarrassing yourself. Please just let go of this and forget about
Philly. You‟re way better than her sthandwa.‟ He says holding my hand.
„The worst is yet coming babe.‟ I stand and leave.
#Rule no. 1… don‟t call your wife insane or she will act insane
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Chapter 20: Damaged Goods!

Zweli was discharged in hospital yesterday and his brothers are bringing him back
home today, I don‟t understand why Ndlalifa had to come all the way from
Ashburton just to bring Zwelibanzi home. I mean I‟m still his wife and I think I
should‟ve been the one to fetch him from the hospital! And I hope he is not here to
give me a lecturer because I am in no mood to speak to that grumpy man, I just
want to apologise to my husband that‟s all.
******
„…but sis you didn‟t have to take it that far you know.‟ Kwazi says pouring a glass
of wine.
„Isn‟t still too early to drink?‟ –Zama.
„Don‟t judge don‟t discriminate.‟ –Kwazi.
„I had to do it guys. I had to pay him back, I was fed up and all the things he did to
me just came back.‟ I say justifying my actions.
„I totally understand how you feel babe but I think you took it too far.‟ Zama says
giving me the look.
„No guys I actually didn‟t, if I took it too far I would‟ve planted an atom bomb in
his car and le–…‟
„You are not thinking of doing that are you!?‟ she shouts at me.
„I am not that crazy.‟ I also pour a glass of wine.
„After what you did to Zweli I wouldn‟t know Salu.‟ –Zama says.
„That Philly girl still had the audacity to call Zweli and tell him about her
tragedies! Mxm, that girl still needs to be taught a lesson.‟ I say gulping down the
wine and I go for another round.
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„No sis I think you‟ve had enough to drink.‟ She snatches the wine bottle.
„You will be teaching no one a lesson, I think bleaching all her clothes and
chopping her furniture was enough.‟ I can tell Zama wants to smile as she says
this but Kwazi gives her a disapproving look instead.
„But thank you girls for helping me out. I love you guys.‟ I say hugging each one of
them.
******
„Here they come, Zweli is back.‟ Kwazi calls from the kitchen.
„My heart is pounding!‟ I say.
I am more scared to see Zweli now and that‟s because I know I haven‟t fully
recovered. A part of me is still angry at him and I know that if he says one wrong
thing it will tick me off and he‟ll go back to the hospital crawling. But also a part
of me wants to forgive him so we can focus on making our marriage work. This is
25 years and I can‟t just give up on it in a blink of an eye.
They walk inside the house and they all sit at the lounge, I rush to sit next to
Zweli.
„How are you feeling?‟ I ask.
„I am fine. You didn‟t come visit me for the past 3 days, why?‟ he asks.
„The last time I came you asked me what I was doing there so I figured you don‟t
need me. That‟s why.‟ I say.
„You‟re my wife! I will always need you.‟ He says holding my hand.
„It is good to see you guys smiling again. This is how it should be in the first place.
Not this thing of always fighting like cats and dogs.‟ –Ndlalifa.
„But we still need to talk about things.‟ I say looking at Zweli.
„I need to rest first.‟ He says going to our room.
******
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About an hour or two later, Zweli finally wakes up and he asks me to come to the
room so we could talk, I am somehow feeling anxious because I feel like he will
give me a beating like he always does, „but he will not do it in his brothers‟
presence,‟ I say trying to make myself feel better.
„Sthandwa sami…‟ I say getting in the room.
I sit on the edge of the bed and he takes the bedroom chair and sits opposite me.
„I am sorry about what I did to you, it was never my intention. I know sometimes
I just do things without thinking and I am sorry sthandwa.‟ He says holding my
knees.
„So why did you bring her in my house?‟ I ask.
„I needed company and she was available. It‟s not like it was planned babe, we
went to meeting drank and got carried away. I didn‟t plan it. I am sorry.‟ he says.
„Zweli it‟s like you don‟t get tired seeing me in tears or hurt. If you‟re not sleeping
with women you are beating me up, if you are not doing that you are bringing kids
into our home! Why, why do claim you love me if you can hurt me so much?‟ I
am getting angry.
„I feel like sometimes you are not giving me enough attention Salusiwe.‟ He looks
down.
I laugh in disbelief, „are you hearing yourself Banzi!‟ I raise my voice.
„I am serious babe sometimes you focus too much on unimportant things and you
forget about me and my needs.‟ he says.
I get up from the bed I walk to the closet and pull out a gun; he jumps instantly
and stands further away from me when he sees it.
„Will this give you enough attention?‟ I ask showing him the gun.
„Salusiwe where the hell did you get a gun!‟ he moves away in fear.
„The same place where you‟ve been shoving your dick!‟ I say pointing it at him.
„Salusiwe I am sorry please, don‟t do this I am deeply sorry for all my infidelities,
Ngiyaxolisa sthandwa.‟
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„Zwelibanzi I have been nothing but a good wife to you, a loyal one might I add. I
have mothered your children even the one you had out of wedlock! I took him and
gave him a warm place he can call home and allowed him to call me mommy; I
quit my job for you. But you on the other hand have the courage to say I am not
giving you enough attention, fuck you Banzi! After everything I have done for you
Zweli!‟ I shout.
„I am sorry Salusiwe please put the gun down, that thing is dangerous.‟ He calls
out loud.
„And so are you! No one knows what you will do next. I went to Cape Town to
clear my head right after I found out you were fucking with my friend and when I
get back you in bed, in my bed, with another woman. Now tell me how does one
recover from that?‟ I say with tears in my eyes. „You are the dangerous one here.‟ I
continue walking closer to him.
„I am sorry babe, please I am sorry I di–…‟
„Say “I am sorry” again, say it again! I dare you I double dare you, say “I am
sorry” one more God damn time!‟ I start screaming and waving my hands all
around.
„Sthandwa can we please be civil about this, let‟s talk like adults a gun will not
solve our issues!‟ tears are falling from his eyes now.
„Let‟s be civil about this! Are fuckin‟ crazy Zweli! Let‟s be civil, okay we will be
civil.‟ I set the gun and get in position to pull the trigger. „Is this civil enough for
you?‟ I ask pointing the gun directly at him.
„I am sorry Salusiwe!!!‟ –Zweli.
„Father, forgive me for I am about to sin…‟
I pull the trigger.
He screams out loud in fear and he kneels on the ground and starts crying and
pleading me to stop.
Within seconds the room is filled with people screaming and telling me to stop
and think about what I am doing. I can‟t think, I lost my sanity remember?
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„Don‟t under estimate my powers to kill you Zweli!‟ I say getting closer to where
he is kneeling. I stand in front of him with a pool of tears running down my
cheeks effortlessly with my weave all up in my face covering some of it. My
sleeves are rolled up and I can‟t remember when I took off my shoes. Zweli looks
helpless holding on my leg pleading me to forgive him.
He should see how pathetic he looks right now.
„Salusiwe I love you and you know that but p–…‟
„If you make one more sound Zweli will shoot your bloody brains out of that thick
skull of yours! And I will hesitate to call 911 and tell them I‟ve just killed my
husband!‟ I say screaming.
„You are pathetic okay; I need you to understand that you are pathetic! I hope you
end up with Karma for the rest of your life because clearly you can‟t appreciate a
good woman! You are a bloody sorry excuse of an idiotic man, Zweli I am fed up
of you I can‟t take this any longer. It‟s either I kill myself or I kill you…‟
After that I begin to shoot everything in sight, I did it with my eyes closed so that
just in case I shot him I wouldn‟t see it with my own two eyes and I wouldn‟t feel
so bad about it. I could hear the mirrors and windows breaking I could hear Zama
and Kwazi telling me to stop; I could feel Zweli trying to hold me from behind and
Ndlalifa shouting at me. I didn‟t listen I kept on shooting and shooting and but
after that last shot, everyone just went quiet, everything became still, I slowly
opened my eyes, I had shot Zama…
„Put the gun down!‟ Ndlalifa shouts. „Can you see what you‟ve done!? You are a
crazy woman, drop the gun now!!!‟ –Ndlalifa.
When I saw Zama lying on the floor I immediately dropped the gun and Ntsika
took it away and left with it. I stood there, frozen, looking into Zama‟s eyes as she
cried in pain. Zweli held me closer to him and hugged me tightly, I tried to move
once or twice but I was cuffed by his broad arms and I had no choice but to give in
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to him.
When I soon heard the ambulance making that annoying sound I couldn‟t help but
cry, Zweli placed my head on his chest and held me tight I couldn‟t even move,
funny enough because I was prepared to kill him a few minutes ago. I hope Zama
makes it out alive or I will never be able to forgive myself.
Zweli had turned me into a psychopath, I could feel myself going crazy and losing
my mind and it‟s all because of him.
I now hold a beast; an angel and a madman in me. I need someone to save me from
myself because now I see; you don‟t really need to be in water to feel like you‟re
drowning.
He put through hell…
and I called it love.
Whoever said that happiness is a four letter word was clearly mistaken.
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Chapter 21: Divorce Becomes a Reality

„Are you sure about this Mrs. Ngubane?‟ he looks at me firmly.

„Tony! Yes I am sure, well even if I am not sure there‟s nothing I can do.‟ I snap
at him.
„I didn‟t mean any harm Mrs. Ngubane; I just prefer to ask my clients over and
over again because once you go through with the divorce you can‟t turn back.‟ He
says jotting down something.
Tony is my lawyer, I have asked him to compile a divorce letter to Zweli, I have
made up my mind about our marriage and I must say the divorce is the only
option I have although I still love him, dearly!
„We will need to fly to Hilton as soon as he receives these documents so we can
meet with him and his lawyer and discuss the distribution of assets.‟ He says.
„Okay that won‟t be a problem, I am flying back to PMB tomorrow so I will hand
him these papers myself.‟ I say.
„I guess I will hear from you then.‟ He smiles.
I can‟t believe this is it, 25 years down the drain just like that. I‟ve shared a life
with this man we shared dreams together and we‟ve made a family together, he
knows everything about me I know everything about him. I know his fears and
he knows mine, will I even be able to live without him?
He truly has been the one for me.
******
„Mommy you are back!!!‟ they all come running to me when they see me walk in
the house.
„Hello… you crazy rascals! Mommy missed you all.‟ I say hugging them each.
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They grab my bags and they make me something to eat. They are really happy to
see me, I didn‟t realise how much I have missed them.
„Where is your father?‟ –Me.
„He took Phila to his cricket game at school; does he know you are back?‟ –Veli.
„No he doesn‟t know I wanted to surprise him.‟ I say smiling.
„Are you okay now mama?‟ –Ntando.
„Yes princess I am. I am not going anywhere now.‟ I say.
Around 18:46, Zweli and Philanathi walk in the lounge to find me and the kids
watching a movie and eating popcorn. He runs to me and gives me a big hug!
„I missed you so much mommy.‟ He says tearing up; Zweli walks straight to our
room.
„I missed you too you rascal!‟ I hug him tighter.
„Ma..! Our team won today, next weekend we are going to play with St.
Nicholas!‟ he says excitedly, shouting in my face.
I‟ve grown to accepting it after all everyone in my family shouts when they
speak.
„That‟s great my boy, I promise I will come and watch you okay. Now go and
take a bath so I can speak to your father.‟ I say pushing him away.
„Hawu ma do you have to go now, we are still watching a movie daddy can wait.‟
–Milani cries out.
„I have to speak to him; I haven‟t seen my husband in weeks!‟ I say standing up.
I walk in the room and he is already moving some of his clothes to the guest
room, why does this moment saddens me?
Maybe it‟s because I still love him…
„You don‟t have to move your things Zweli‟ I say walking in the room.
„No I don‟t want to crowd your space; you may end up thinking you are sleeping
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next to Nelly or Philly.‟ He walks out.

Ouch!
I sit on top of the bed and immediately I start reminiscing about the times we
shared on this bed, this room for 25 years.
I can‟t do this; I have known this man my entire life and I have put up with a lot
of shit, why am I divorcing him now? I don‟t think I can.
He walks back in…
„Zweli I know you did me wrong but it‟s also wrong for me to keep you out of
your own room. You can move back in.‟ I say standing up.
„Are you sure?‟ he asks.
„Yes I am sure, we may not have sorted out our issues but you are my husband
and I love you.‟ Why am I saying all of this?
He comes closer and gives me a big tight hug. He smells so good; damn I‟ve
missed his touch, scent, smile, gentleness and love.
„Ngiyakuthanda Salusiwe.‟ He kisses my forehead.
„Nami Ngiyakuthanda Zwelibanzi.‟ I hold him tightly.
******
I‟m all alone in the house today; Zweli took the kids to the mall. Last night we
had a very serious and deep conversation but it was worthy, he apologized for
everything although I haven‟t asked him if he has broken up with Philly, I am
taking it one step at a time but hopefully he has.
*PHONE CALL*
„Hello Tony.‟ I answer.
„Hi. I was just calling to ask if you‟ve handed the papers over to Zweli, so I can
fly there to meet with his lawyer.‟ –Tony.
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„No I haven‟t Tony.‟ –Me.

„Are you having second thoughts?‟ he asks.
„Actually yes I am. I have known this man practically my entire life and I have
given him the best years of my life so why am I giving it all up now? I can‟t do
this Tony I still love him.‟ I explain.
„Are you sure?‟ he asks with such authority.
„Yes I am sure.‟ –Me.
„Look I am giving you two month to see if you can still bear your marriage, if yes
then I will terminate your divorce appeal but if not then we continue, is that
fine?‟ he asks.
„Yeah sure two months is more than enough. Thank you Tony.‟ –Me.
„Babe is you out here?‟ Zweli walks to the outside patio.
„Look Tony I have to go, we will talk soon.‟ I Drop the phone quickly.
„Hey there you are I thought you left again.‟ Zweli says jokingly.
„Do you want me to leave again?‟ –Me.
„No! I missed you today sthandwa.‟ He kisses my forehead.
„I missed you too love.‟ I say.

******
„Zweli…‟ I say turning to his bed position.
He is not in bed!
I wake up and pace to the kitchen hoping to find him there or perhaps the patio
but he is not around, his car is not parked in the garage. I am feeling anxious right
now; you know how the story always ends when Zweli is not in bed. The last
time they buried Veli‟s mom remember!
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I try calling him and it goes straight to voicemail. At the back of my head I am
thinking he is with Nelly and I can‟t help but cry.
„This guy honestly can‟t appreciate the fact that I came back so we could sort our
marriage, is he insane!?‟ I say to myself.
I head straight to the lounge to sit there and wait for Banzi in hopes that he will
walk in.
******
„Good morning mama.‟ –Ntando walks in the lounge, she finds me sleeping on
the couch. „You look worried, is everything okay?‟ she continues.
„Have you seen your dad?‟ I ask.
„No but maybe he went out to meet with his brothers; you know how he can be
ma.‟ –Ntando.
„I don‟t like the idea of him leaving the house without any notice.‟ I say
annoyingly.
„Relax ma he will…‟ Ntando doesn‟t even finish her sentence when Zwelibanzi
walks in through the kitchen door.
„Sanibona…‟ he says giving Ntando a kiss on her forehead and hugging me
tightly.
„Where have you been?‟ –Me.
„I went to see a colleague love, why?‟ –Zweli.
„You went to see a colleague Zweli? At this time, it‟s not even 09:00!‟ I shout.
He glances at Ntando and she immediately leaves the lounge.
„Yes sthandwa he was flying for Johannesburg and we had to tie some loose ends
before he left. Please believe me.‟ he says holding my hand.
„Are you sure?‟ –Me.
„Why would I jeopardize our relationship like that babe, I can‟t risk losing you
again.‟ He says convincingly.
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******
Later that day I am still not convinced by Zweli‟s explanation that he had to meet
with a business colleague, I am bothered by it as a matter of fact!
So I rush to his study office to ask him once again.
„Sthandwa can I help you?‟ he asks as I open the door.
„Zweli please tell me where you were this morning I really don‟t buy that story.‟ I
ask standing diagonal to him.
„I went to meet with Mr. Jacobs to seal the Aluminum supply deal Salusiwe what
more should I explain!? You want proof perhaps?‟ he shouts.
Yes proof would be good–but I obviously did not say that to his face.
„What do you expect me to say Zweli, I recently found out you were sleeping
with one of my best friends for a year and to top it all up you have an affair with
your business associates, and honestly it will take time for me to trust you again.
I need you tell me your whereabouts when you leave the house, especially when
you decide to leave at dawn!‟ I raise my voice
I see his eyes squinting and his eyebrows meet at the center of his septum and
that‟s how I know I have reached the limit, he is angry. He rubs his palms
together and he is not making any eye contact anymore and he keeps rubbing the
back of his head now and again. But I will not back down because if I do he will
lose all respect he has for me, he must answer my damn questions!
„Zwelibanzi you are lying to me, you were with Philly.‟ I say with a soft voice.
„Salusiwe I told you I met with Steffen Jacobs!!! What more must I say!?‟ he gets
up from his chair.
„Tell me this, are you still seeing her?‟ –Me.
„I cannot take being interrogated like that! I am your husband and I demand
respect and obedience.‟ He shouts in front of my face, pulling my face up by my
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chin closer to his. I am so scared and my heart is pounding drastically, I know the
routine now he will start by pushing me then drag me down and then start to beat
me up till I utter the words he wants to hear before he stops.
„Zweli you are hurting me.‟ I say trying to pull away.
„You have lost all respect for me now Salusiwe!‟ he holds both my palms together
close to his chest so I cannot hit him.
„I do respect you Banzi you are my husband, I vowed to submit myself to you.
Please let go of me you are hurting me Zweli.‟ I say with tears falling down my
cheeks.
„Then where do you get the authority to question me? Why are you so
persistent!?‟ he grabs the back of my head.
This is the part where I should be saying “I am sorry love, it will never happen
again”
But I choose to say…
„Do you blame me!? Do you fucking blame me Zwelibanzi! After everything that
you‟ve put me through, the lies the cheating, you expect me to easily believe you,
huh!?‟
I am screaming and shouting in his face with tears and snot running down my
face and I know this is a big risk I am taking but I will not back down, not yet.
„You have put me through hell and back Zwelibanzi but I stuck by you no matter
what! At least you owe me an explanation as to where you were man!!!‟ I say
breaking down. I cry and fall to the ground as he lets go of my hands and stands
tall in front of me just looking at me in disgust.
„Let me refresh your memory just so you have forgotten. I was the one who took
your bullshit; I was the one who actually cared about you. I stuck by you even
when everyone told me not to. I was the one who loved you even when you gave
me every reason not to. Lastly, I was the one who was there for you when no one
else was Zwelibanzi.‟
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The look on his face reads danger, disgusts, hatred, annoyance the list goes on.
„Honestly Banzi, if you don‟t give me a reason to be with you… I will not.‟ I say
in a defeated tone as I back down.
After what seems like a minute or two of him just looking at me on my knees
crying he says, „I will not be disrespected by a woman like that!‟ he grabs me by
my hair and pulls me up across the room to a more spacious position.
I guess this it!
He then pushes me to the wall and unbuckles his belt (the first step is done), then
he drags me down to the floor kicking me like a dog (that‟s the second step)
afterwards he takes the coin part of his belt and he beats me with it with no
hesitation, no remorse, no second thoughts (step number 3 accomplished).
„How dare you disrespect me like that Salusiwe?! I am your husband and you
ought to be respectful at all cost, this time you have really crossed the line
maNgcobo.‟ He says beating me up.
I lie there helplessly crying and moaning in agony and trying to get up but he
keeps pushing and kicking me down and telling me I am no good to him
anymore, can you imagine!
After the shit he‟s put me through…
Finally the fourth and the very last step (where I plead him to stop by
apologizing and telling him that it will never happen again):
„I am sorry Zweli, Zweli I am sincerely sorry please stop hurting me. It will
never happen again I promise I will be a good wife to you. Ngiyaxolisa sthandwa
Sami, you were right it was wrong of me to question you. Never will it happen
again, never!‟ I say standing up in front of him.
Hmm how I have stooped so low, my father sure is turning on his grave…
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„It‟d better not happen again Salusiwe.‟ He leaves the room.

Why did I get married!?
******
Today I am meeting with Tony at Dine & Dive, I have come to terms with the
fact that Zweli will not change he will continue being this possessive abusive
husband and I cannot tolerate that! I made a promise to my father before he died
that I will never allow a man to make me feel inferior, but the thought of giving
up on 25 years of marriage…
„So Mrs. Ngubane, what changed your mind? I mean the last we spoke you told
me he changed.‟ –Tony.
„I have come to realize that a leopard never changes its spots.‟ –Me.
„So you are giving me the go ahead to send the documents to him?‟ he asks.
I stay quiet for a while, I am thinking about everything that we have been
through and all the difficulties we‟ve encountered along the way. This is the
father of my kids –my life partner I once said.
„Yes you may send the papers to him.‟ I answer confidently.
„Okay he will be receiving them first thing tomorrow morning. I am hoping to
hear from his lawyer in 3 days‟ time.‟ –Tony.
Everything is done and in a few months‟ time I will officially be a bachelorette,
again.
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Chapter 22: A Part of Me Was Gone Too

Today Ntando is going to University and her father is accompanying her, she is
going to the University of KwaZulu–Natal, Westville campus. We can visit her
anytime we want because she is right here in Durban, although we will dearly
miss her.
As I am walking outside to the car I hear her and Zweli talking…
„I know about the divorce dad.‟ –Ntando.
„There‟s nothing I can do Ntando, nothing.‟ –Zweli.
„What do you mean nothing baba? Mom loves you and she can never run out of
love for you, we all know that.‟ –Ntando.
That‟s true.
„I know and I love her too but this time around things are different, it seems my
hands are tied, your mother has made up her mind.‟ –Zweli.
„Baba you can still make things work, you and mom have been through the
worst but you‟ve made it this far and you can‟t give it all up now dad. You
cannot give up on a whole 25 years of marriage.‟ –Ntando.
„I‟m not the one who‟s given up here, your mother has.‟ He says looking away.
„What happened to the Zweli that always gets what he wants, the Zweli that no
matter what will fight for his wife, huh?‟ –Ntando.
„Look where that got me princess… in fighting for my wife I ended up fighting
with my wife.‟ he covers his face.
„Baba you haven‟t come this far too only get this far. You can still win her back.‟
–Ntando.
„I am defeated Ntando, there‟s no fight left in me but your mom will always
have my heart.‟ He flashes a smile and walk to the back of the car.
I rush to them and I give Ntando a tight hug, Zweli looks at us.
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„I will miss you angel.‟ I say looking at her.

„I will miss you too mom, a lot.‟ –Ntando.
„Please take good care of yourself in Durban.‟ I say worriedly.
„Relax will you! I will be good.‟ She smiles.
We hug one last time.
„Ma, please try and work things out with daddy.‟ –Ntando.
„I will try angel, have a safe trip.‟ I kiss her forehead.
„Thank you, bye. I love you.‟ She says getting in the car.
„I may come back a little late; I have to meet with my lawyer later on.‟ –Zweli.
„Alright, please be safe on the road.‟ I say looking at Ntando.
He comes closer to me and gives me a tight hug and whispers:
„I love you maNgcobo, always have and always will. Please always remember that‟, I
pull away from him and I can see his eyes are filled with tears.
„Just make sure that my daughter gets in Durban safe and sound, I will see you
when you get back home.‟ I walk away from him.
******
20:00 Zweli is not home, Ntando hasn‟t called to tell me how she arrived both
their phones go straight to voicemail. I am worried sick I am even thinking of
heading straight to Durban and check on them myself.
„Were you able to contact daddy ma?‟ –Veli asks.
„No I still can‟t get a hold of him, or your sister.‟ I answer in worry.
„I think we should just drive straight to Durban.‟ –Veli.
As Veli and I are deciding on gong to Durban I receive a phone call from a
private number, I ignore it.
„Why didn‟t you answer your phone?‟ he asks.
„It‟s a private number.‟ I say.
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It rings again; Veli takes my phone and answers it:

„Hello.‟
„When!?‟
I feel my knees shaking as Veli ask.
„Today, we are coming there right away.‟
„Are they okay?‟
„Okay look we will be there in 30 minutes, thank you. Bye.‟
Who was that? –I ask hesitantly.
„Ma we need to go to Durban right away!‟ he answers grabbing the car keys and
rushing out the house.
„Who was that Veli!? Is Ntando okay?‟ I follow him out.
„Promise me not to panic okay?‟ he holds my arms tightly.
„How can I not panic when you are telling me we have to rush to Durban right
away!? I don‟t even know where my daughter is!‟ I shout at him.
He lets go of my arms, takes a step back and looks down. I lift up his head and I
see tears falling from his eyes, he looks at me and says,
„Kayise and dad were involved in an accident.‟ He gets into the driver‟s seat.
I feel my knees shaking instantly and I follow him, I open the door.
„What are you saying to me?‟ I ask with tearful eyes.
„The people who were calling you were from the hospital, dad and Kayise are in
hospital as we speak and we need to go there now.‟
I take a step back and look away, I can‟t cry or anything because Veli will start
to cry, I need to be strong for him.
„I will drive ma, get in the car.‟ He starts the engine.
I call for Sihlangu and I explain to him why we have to rush off to Durban with
Veli, I ask him to be strong for Milani and Phila –I told him not to tell them
what‟s going on.
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The drive from Hilton to Durban was exactly 25 minutes; I didn‟t know Veli
can drive so fast. Well he takes that from his father –he is a fast driver.
We get into the hospital and a female doctor attends to us:
„Mrs Ngubane?‟ she asks.
„Yes, is my husband okay, my daughter?‟ I ask in worry, „Can I see them,
please.‟ I ask before she can even answer me.
„Ma‟am please follows me to my office.‟
This cannot be good –I say to myself.
We get insider Dr. Meyer‟s office, Veli and I seated side by side and eagerly
waiting to hear what this woman has to say.
Both our faces are written worry and misery, Veli has been holding back his
tears and he keeps rubbing his fists together and pulling his head between his
arms(just like his dad when he is worried). Sihlangu keeps phoning us and he is
beginning to annoy me! I decided to ignore his calls.
„Ntandokayise, your daughter I suppose, has been put into a coma…‟
I feel my heart pounding out of my chest as she says this but I try to keep it
together.
„…She lost a lot of blood and we need someone to donate blood for urgently. She
also broke her leg, nothing major though. Another thing is that from the
examinations, it seems she hit hard with her head and she may suffer from brain
injury‟ she stops and looks at us. „That‟s nothing to worry about as yet though,
as soon as she gets the blood she will be fine only then will we be able to
examine her brain.‟ She says with an assuring smile.
„And how is my dad?‟ Veli asks leaning closer to the table.
„Mr. Ngubane on the other hand, is not in a critical state but he also got badly
injured.‟
I see Veli‟s eyes turn red in an instant and he looks away, rubs his fists together
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and looks at me. I see tears falling down his cheeks uncontrollably, I need to be
strong for my son so I just hold his hand and rub his shoulder.
„Will my husband be okay?‟ I ask in a choky voice.
„It‟s very hard to tell Mrs. Ngubane seeing that he broke his spinal cord…‟
I can‟t hold the tears in any longer, they fall drastically until Dr. Meyer offers
me pocket tissues. As much as I was looking into divorcing Banzi it doesn‟t
mean that I‟ve lost all care for him, he is still my husband and I care about him
more than anyone in this world. Losing him would be the same as losing a part
of me as well. I hope he will be okay, I still love him and I still need him to live
and see his children grow.
„…He broke his spinal cord which means he may never be able to walk again, but
we are still running some tests on him.‟ She looks straight into my eyes.
Veli storms out of the office with his face covered in a waterfall of tears, I am
worried about him.
„I am sincerely sorry Mrs. Ngubane.‟ She holds my hand.
„Will my husband and daughter be okay?‟
„With your husband I think so yes, but with your daughter, chances of her
making it are very slim ma‟am.‟ She hands me another pile of tissues. I take a
deep breath,
„Can I see them?‟ I ask standing up
„Yes you may see your daughter.‟ –Dr. Meyer, she also gets up.
„I want to see my husband as well!‟ I raise my voice.
„We can‟t allow you to see him as yet, ma‟am.‟ –Dr. Meyer.
„You cannot deny me the right to see my husband!‟ I shout.
„I understand your frustration Mrs. Ngubane, but it‟s the rules we have to abide
by. I am sorry; you may come in tomorrow and see him.‟ She says, „can I take
you to your daughter instead?‟ she opens the door.
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I look for Veli as we walk past the waiting are and he is nowhere to be seen, I
assume he went out for some air.
We walk into Ntando‟s ward and as we are approaching I see these big pipes
glued to her head, mouth and nose and these big flashing machines all around
her small fragile body. She looks so vulnerable and needy in those white
bandages all over her head and leg, I feel tears coming as I get closer to her
bedside. She has scratches and bruises all over her beautiful face; I also noticed
that a piece of skin is missing from her forehead.
I grab a chair and sit from her bedside and look at her.
„I will leave you now. If you need anything you can call for the nurse.‟ The
doctor leaves.
I take a deep breath and close my eyes as I feel a heavy load of tears coming. I
hold on tight to her hand and kiss the back of her palm.
Minutes later I feel a heavy weight on my shoulders as if someone is standing
behind me, I turn around and it‟s Veli.
„How is she mama?‟ he sits on her bed.
„Dr. Meyer said she will be okay, we need to get a donor for her very soon.‟ I
answer with tears filling up my eyes.
„I think we should all get tested and see if anyone of us matches her blood type.‟
–Veli.
„Yes. I hope she gets well soon. I cannot afford to lose my only daughter.‟ I say
crying.
„Don‟t talk like that! You will not lose her ma!‟ Veli stands to hug me.
„It‟s hard Veli, how will I break the news to your brothers?‟ I say looking out the
window.
„We all in this together ma, you don‟t have to do it alone.‟ He holds me tighter.
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My kids are very genuine

„I know, thank you.‟ I say smiling.
********
Breaking the news to my sons was not an easy thing to do, well Phila is still too
young to understand but with Sihlangu and Milani it was not easy for them to
digest that. Last night Milani just went to bed and he hasn‟t come out since,
Sihlangu, I don‟t even know if he slept home because I remember him storming
out of the house. I am trying really hard to be strong and there for my kids but all
of this is taking its strain on me, I need my mom and sister.
I called them to fly down from Cape Town and they should be arriving later on
today, I have also informed the Ngubane family about Zweli‟s accident and they
are also coming in to see us this afternoon. I asked the hospital to transfer Zweli
and Ntando to a nearby hospital in PMB and they said they will arrive at 11:00am.
„Morning ma…‟ Sihlangu greets as he walks to the kitchen.
„Good morning. How did you sleep?‟ I ask worriedly.
„I didn‟t sleep a wink ma; I am worried about dad and sis.‟ He looks at me.
„My boy they will be okay. Ntando is going to recover and dad will be out in no
time. Very soon we will all be a happy family again.‟ I say giving him a hug.
„Ma stop okay, stop!‟ he pulls back.
He has tears flowing down his cheeks effortlessly.
„I see you are trying really hard to stay strong but ma you can see, we can see that
chances of losing both baba and Kayise are high, so just stop pretending, nxi!‟ he
leaves the house.
„Is everything okay?‟ Veli comes in.
„Your brother is not taking this well.‟ I answer leaving him.
„I will talk to him, relax.‟ –Veli.
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******
„How are you feeling princess?‟ mom asks as she gives me a tight hug.
They‟ve just arrived and I am all alone in this enormous house, Veli and Sihlangu
went to visit Zweli and Ntando, Milani and Phila are at Ntsika‟s house, they left
with aunt‟ Zanele. I haven‟t been to the hospital to check on Zweli and Ntando, I
just need some time and space to be alone and I am glad the kids are not home.
„I‟m hanging in there mom.‟ I say hugging her tightly.
„Hello sis.‟ –Kwazi hugs me.
„Thanks for coming Kwazi.‟ I say hugging her back.
We all go to the lounge and we wait there for the Ngubane brothers to arrive.
Mom keeps giving me endless glances and I don‟t know what she‟s trying to see or
say, Kwazi on the other hand had been very busy cleaning the house and preparing
lunch. I haven‟t had the time or energy to do that and this is why I needed them
here.
„So what are the doctors saying?‟ –Kwazi.
„They said chances of Banzi making it are very slim but Ntando just needs a blood
donor and she should be fine.‟ I answer effortlessly.
„I am sorry my child.‟ Mom pats my shoulder.
„I don‟t think I am ready to be a widow mom.‟ I say with tears filling up my eyes.
„You are not going to be a widow, please get your mind out of that thought!‟ my
mom shouts.
„Ma you don‟t understand, none of you understand! Zwelibanzi is lying on his
death bed and I may have to look after Ntando her entire life because she may
suffer from brain damage! This is all hard on me I can‟t take it!‟ I am crying and
shouting at them. „I have to lie every time Phila asks me when dad is coming back
home, it is hard ma! I need both my husband and daughter back home!‟ I say
dropping on the floor and crying heavily.
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I hear Sihlangu‟s voice a few minutes later; I didn‟t want my kids to see me like
this.
„Mommy, ma please gets up from the floor.‟ He tries to pick me up.
„Sihlangu please leave me alone, just go from here!‟ I say pushing him away.
„Ma, dad‟s family will be here in no time and they can‟t find you here like this, ma
please just get up and let‟s go to your room. Please mama.‟ –Veli holds me by my
arms and picks me up.
When we enter the room Veli makes sure I get in bed and he pulls up the blankets
for me, kisses my forehead and tells me everything is going to be alright.
„Can I get you anything?‟ –Veli.
„No darling thank you.‟ I answer in a breaking voice.
„Okay please just get some rest and stop worrying.‟ –Veli.
„Thank you my son.‟ I say as he leaves the room.
I don‟t know what I‟d be without my kids.
******
About an hour later I am woken up by the loud noises I hear. I can recognise
Ndlalifa‟s broad voice and I can also hear Phila whining. I don‟t have the energy to
face all these people but I need to go visit my husband in hospital so I decide to
wake up and shower quickly, I also need to eat before I go. I haven‟t eaten all day!
„Hawu sis you up?‟ Xolile shouts out as she sees me walking past the lounge to the
kitchen.
I can feel everyone looking at me. You know that thing you feel when people are
looking at you? I feel that way.
I just ignore all of them and make way to the kitchen and fix myself a sandwich.
„Do you think I should go speak to her?‟ –Ndlalifa.
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„No leave her, she needs space.‟ –Kwazi. I can hear them whispering al; the way
from the lounge.
******
I get to the hospital and I go and see Ntando first, she is still in the coma. I just say
a prayer kiss her forehead and leave her ward. Then I proceed to Zweli‟s ward.
As I am approaching his ward my heart is racing and tears are filling up in my
eyes, somehow I feel responsible for everything that happened –I shouldn‟t have
sent those divorce papers to him.
When I get to his bedside I just stand there for a good 5 minutes just looking at
him. I take his hand and hold it closely to my chest and I let out a sigh
accompanied by a flow of tears, „Zweli I need you, your daughter needs you please
come back.‟ I say as I gently rub his thumb against mine, he likes that.
After what seemed like 30 minutes as I was gathering my things so I could get
going, Banzi moves his hand and holds my hand. My heart literally jumped in
excitement! „Zweli, Zweli please wake up.‟ I say holding on to him.
He coughs for about two times and tries to open his eyes. He opens his eyes and
smiles, a dimple flashes. I couldn‟t control myself I just screamed and laughed at
the same time which made him laugh.
„How is my daughter?‟ he asks.
„She is okay, she will be fine.‟ I say with a ghost smile.
„Salusiwe how is Ntando?‟ he gives me the look.
„I don‟t want you worrying about her sthandwa, focus on getting better please.‟ I
say ignoring him.
„Did you just call me “sthandwa”?‟ –Zweli.
Did I?
„You are still my husband Zweli.‟ I say smiling.
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„How are you?‟ –Zweli.

„I will be fine, I will get better.‟ I say.
He places his palm on my jaw, „I am sorry for everything Salusiwe. I am sorry for
being a bad husband a bad father to our kids and I am deeply sorry for abusing
you. Not just physically but also emotionally and verbally. Ngiyaxolisa maNgcobo
and I love you more than life itself sthandwa Sami.‟ Tears flow and he wipes them
with his thumb and smiles.
„Let‟s just focus on your health and you getting out of this place. Your sons need
you, I need you.‟ I say with a smile.
______
It‟s been exactly two weeks with both Zweli and Ntando in hospital, although
Zweli is being discharged tomorrow and thank the heavens above that he can still
walk on his two feet, but I must say with Ntando things seem to be going from
bad to worse. The doctors have done some blood tests on everyone in the family
and none of our blood types match hers, so we cannot find a blood donor for her
which makes things even harder. On the positive side, she is no longer under
Intensive Care Unit.
Mom is still here with me but last Saturday Kwazi had to return to Cape Town to
her family, but every now and again the Ngubane‟s do come and check on us.
******
„I am so glad I am coming back home today sthandwa Sami.‟ –Zweli.
„I am also glad that you are coming home, your kids missed you.‟ I say packing his
stuff.
„Thank you Salusiwe.‟ He takes my hand.
„What did I do?‟ I ask puzzled.
„Thank you for being patient with me, I know things haven‟t at all been easy and I
know I am mainly the cause of it all. But I want to make things right this time
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around.‟ He says giving me a hug.

„It‟s okay Banzi that‟s what a wife does. Let‟s just focus on Ntando‟s health okay.‟
I say.
„You are a true definition of a good wife and I am more than glad that you are my
wife.‟ He kisses my forehead.
We arrive at Hilton and we find the kids with my mom already waiting for us. As
the car parks on the driveway the kids are already screaming up and down in
excitement and can‟t wait to hold daddy. As soon as Zweli jumps out of the car
Phila runs for him, he picks him up and holds him tightly. He follows by hugging
Milani then Veli and Sihlangu.
„Sawubona, mam‟Ngcobo…‟ Zweli greets my mom.
„Welcome home son.‟ Mom says hugging him as well.
„Ma I just want to say thank you, for sticking with my family in this hard time we
were faced with.‟ –Zweli.
„Let‟s just thank the Lord that you are back.‟ She smiles.
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Chapter 23: The Heaven‟s Call For Their

Angel…

Today I have to go to the hospital with Zweli to check on Ntando, we finally

managed to get a donor for her and the doctors will be giving her blood tonight
and we are in hopes that she will soon recover. Zweli insisted that the kids stay
behind; it is not good for them to see their sister lying in her death bed. We arrive
at the hospital at 12:00 and we make way to Ntando‟s ward and to our surprise we
didn‟t find her there.
„Maybe they changed her ward babe, don‟t panic I will ask the nurse.‟ Zweli says.
After what seems like 5 minutes Zweli comes back to the waiting area with the
nurse. I don‟t know why but I suddenly became anxious when I saw them coming,
before they reached me Ntando‟s doctor also appeared walking down the corridor
to where I am seated.
„Is everything okay?‟ I ask before they even sit.
„The doctor will explain everything to you.‟ The nurse says as she positions
herself.
„Good day Mrs Ngubane.‟ She hands out her hand for a handshake.
„Where is my daughter? Shouldn‟t she be in surgical ward C?‟ I ask in worry.
„You may want to sit down for this Mr Ngubane.‟ The doctor says looking at
Banzi.
„This morning when I went to check on my patients I was extremely shocked to
find Ntando in the state that she was in. so we called for Lancet to please run some
tests on her and unfortunately…‟
„…doctor where my daughter is?‟ I ask interrupting her.
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„I am sorry but Ntando is no longer with us.‟ she says looking down.

When she said that everything stopped, my whole world stopped. I couldn‟t
believe what my eras have just heard; I didn‟t want to believe it. Did she just say
that my one and only baby girl is dead!? It can‟t be, Ntando cannot leave me, leave
her dad and her brothers just like that.
„I am sorry doctor did you say my daughter has passed away?‟ Zweli asks with a
heavy load of tears in his eyes.
„I am sorry Mr Ngubane we tried our best to save her but I it was just too late.‟
–Doctor.
„Don‟t lie!‟ I say screaming. „You did not even try to save my daughter, you left
her to die!‟ tears are flowing down my cheeks like a waterfall. „Why didn‟t you
give her the blood any sooner maybe it could‟ve helped her.‟ I say falling to the
floor. „Sthandwa please get up, we have to go home.‟ –Zweli says trying to pick me
up. „Banzi, they killed my daughter. My one and only baby girl, my precious…and
they killed her!‟ I say crying.
I don‟t even have the energy to walk, they get a wheelchair for me and the nurse
escorts me to our car.
Zweli and I both sat in silence for a good 30 minutes in the car just staring into
space; I think we were both thinking about Ntando and her irresistible smile,
never mind her beauty.
The drive back home is intense; no one is talking or making eye contact. Zweli has
his eyes fixed on the road and he keeps biting his jaws I can see by the veins that
keep appearing on his forehead. I also have my eyes on the road and I keep
releasing a good flow of tears every now and again.
******
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We both decided that we are going to be strong for our sons as we break the news
to them. It was not an easy thing to do especially for Sihlangu; he was very close
to Ntando. He has locked himself in his room for about an hour now; Veli is
sleeping with Phila in Phila‟s room. Milani has been sitting on the front porch
since we broke the news to them.
I think I also need to sleep.
______
Tomorrow is Ntando‟s funeral. The whole family is here preparing for tomorrow
and people are still coming to pass their condolences. I hate those!
From the time Nkazimulo died I would leave the house when people came to
console us, I have this belief that it is a way of wanting to know what happened.
This whole week has been really hard on both Zweli and I, we had my mom and
his sisters taking care of everything. I was just sitting on the mattress doing
nothing, I don‟t even have the moral to live anymore and it‟s affecting my sons. I
feel like I have deserted them.
„How are you feeling sis?‟ –Kwazi, she comes to sit with me on the mattress.
„I failed Nokwazi, I failed as a parent.‟ I say.
„No you are a great mother and you did everything you could for Ntando sis
wami.‟ She says.
„But I failed to save her, I failed my daughter and now I have to live with the guilt
that I was not able to save her life.‟ Tears begin to fall.
„There is nothing you could have done Salusiwe! You had to play the waiting
game sis, death is inevitable Salu and you know that. Yes it hurts deep within all
of us that Kayise is gone that we will never see her again but you can‟t blame
yourself for that, you can‟t say you failed. The Lord gives and the Lord takes
please stop blaming yourself for things you have no control over sis wami.‟ She
gives me a hug.
„She was my only daughter Nokwazi!‟ I say crying out loud on her shoulder.
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„I know and that is what hurts the most but Ntando may have left us in flesh but I
know for sure that in spirit she is here with us, laughing and smiling as she always
had.‟ –Kwazi.
My baby girl had a beautiful smile, she would smile with her eyes and that‟s how
you could tell she was happy, she always made sure that everyone was happy and
content; a selfless person and she loved her family dearly. I remember how she
hated it when her father and I would fight –she would go to extremes to make sure
that we sort things out. I love that girl; she was my soul‟s joy.
We fought for you baby girl the hardest and it made us the strongest but I just
couldn‟t stand to see you leaving though heaven couldn‟t wait for you. The Lord
wanted you to smile with his angels and we couldn‟t oppose that. You showed me
love was all you needed but heaven couldn‟t wait for you, well in that case, good
bye my baby. You have been the one, the perfect daughter the problem child the
bubbly girl the exuberant being an angel in person, you have been the one for me.
And it pains me to say good bye because I am not going to lie, you will dearly be
missed and I will be bored from this day forward. I love you my child, daddy loves
you too.
Just stop the crying it’s the sign of the times,
welcome to the final show…
I hope you wearing your best clothes.
Just stop your crying it will be alright,
they told me that the end is near.

I hope you will have the time of your “life”

as you break through the atmosphere,
I hope things are pretty good from there.
Remember everything will be alright;
we can meet again somewhere,
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somewhere far away from here.

Rest in Peace Ntandokayise Uzanokuhle Ngubane

The funeral came and went. We wanted it to be a small intimate thing with only
close friends and family, that‟s what Ntando would have wanted as well.
______
I woke up at 4am and decided to go for a drive just to clear my head. I need to be
alone for some time away from everyone and everything that keeps reminding me
of my daughter. It‟s been a week since her funeral and the family is still residing
with us in Hilton, except for Ndlalifa and Nonhlanhla. It‟s just my mom Ntsika
and Zah that are here with us, my sister left yesterday.
I took a drive to Ashburton, I parked my car there and just screamed laughed and
cried in the mountain all by myself, I didn‟t cry for my daughter because I had to
stay strong for my kids and Banzi so I needed some air and just to be away from
them so I can grieve my daughter.
I get home at around 9am and I know for sure he is wondering where I am. As I
park my car in the garage, Zweli appears in front of the car, „where have you been
Salu? I was worried sick about you.‟ He says.
I didn‟t respond I didn‟t say a word, I just started my car and I ran it into him. I
was crying and screaming as I kept crashing into Zweli‟s Range Rover, he was
screaming out loud asking me to stop but I couldn‟t I felt like I was losing my
mind, I kept running my car into his and I was crying. Everyone came out to the
garage where I was throwing my tantrum and Zweli pleading me to stop or else I
will hurt myself.
I don‟t what has gotten to me.
I then jumped off the car and quickly ran off to the kitchen to get a knife, I could
hear them asking what happened and why was I acting the way that I was. As
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soon as I appeared at the garage with a knife my mom ran off with Phila and
Milani, everything was happening so fast I don‟t know what was happening to me
and whatever it was I couldn‟t stop it. As I was running towards Banzi‟s direction
to stab him, I think, I could feel Ntsika and Sihlangu pulling me back telling me to
stop but I kept on screaming and crying out loud and forcing myself to his
direction.
„Salusiwe, what is wrong with you!?‟ he calls out from behind my car.
„It is you Zweli! It is you who killed my daughter!‟ I screamed out loud.
I heard Ntsika telling Zah to take Sihlangu and Veli away, things were about to
get out of hand.
„Aiboo Salusiwe how can you say that!‟ Ntsika says as he quickly snatches the
knife away from me and throws it further away.
„It is him Ntsika! He killed Ntando!‟ I say running to him and I was able to hold
him by his neck, I started choking and strangling him.
„Salu stop! Please stop you are hurting me!‟ Zweli kept screaming out loud trying
to push me away. He pushes me and I fall hard on my back next to my Audi Q7,
remember that car! Ntsika immediately grabs me and holds me tightly from
behind, I try to let go by waving and twisting my body in all directions.
„I hope you are happy Zweli! I hope you are content that you killed two of your
kids! God bless you!‟ I say kicking him on his chest.
I don‟t know what is happening to me.
„Salusiwe how can you say that!!!‟ –Zweli.
„I hope you live the rest of your life in regret! I knew it was not going to end with
Mayenzeke, someone was bound to be next and it ought to be me but you ended up
killing my daughter! Good luck with recovering from that!‟ I scream with tears
falling heavily like a waterfall. „You are pathetic! You‟re a sorry excuse of a man!
Nxi you are a disgrace to mankind!‟ after that I saw him falling down on his
knees, I then felt a hot slap coming from Ntsika.
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It‟s like I needed that to get me back to my senses, I soon realised what I had done.
„So all along that‟s what you thought of me Salusiwe…‟ he says as tears fall from
his eyes.
I run out of the garage to our room and I lock myself there.
******
After what seems like an hour or two I am awoken by a knock on the bedroom
door, at first I choose to ignore it in hopes that, that person will go away.
„Salusiwe please open the door, we need to talk.‟ –Zweli.
I still choose to ignore him. I am still ashamed of what I did earlier on.
„Sthandwa sami please open the door, don‟t shut me out. I am here for you.‟ He
says.
„Zweli please go away.‟ I finally answer.
„Salusiwe you can‟t ignore me forever. Open this door so we could talk.‟ He says.
I decide to get off the bed and opened the door, the minute I open the door he
quickly grabs me and holds me tightly. He whispers, „everything will be okay
love.‟ And he lets go of me. I take a step back and sit on the bed.
„I need to take a shower.‟ I look at him.
„I will wait here for you.‟ He says handing me a towel. As I make my way to the
bathroom I feel him hold me by my arm, I turn and look at him.
„Salusiwe I need you to understand that ngiyakuthanda. I will do anything to keep
you by my side.‟ He says coming closer.
„I need to bath Banzi.‟ I say letting go of my arm.
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Chapter 24: Indeed Death and Divorce Do Us

Apart…

And I was lost…

I didn‟t know what to feel anymore. I was both happy and sad at the same time. I
would never tell how I felt; I would stay quiet and keep it to myself. I had lost so
much and gained so little, I would never feel good enough for anyone, not even for
myself anymore.
I would laugh and I would smile, I would act like everything was fine but I knew I
was living a lie, because behind my smile I held a broken heart. I would forgive
over and over and over again just because I was afraid to lose someone, someone
who no longer appreciated my real worth.
I expected too much and never learnt to let go, so when the time came a part of me
was gone too. All those promises in which I believed flew away just like the wind.
And so I waited and waited and waited…
but he never came around.
Now all I ever wants is to never feel again, because every time I feel,
all I feels is pain.
******

Dear Zwelibanzi
There’s so little to say yet so much time,
despite my empty mouth the words are in my mind.
As you read this letter, please wear the face the one where
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you smile, because

you lighten up my heart when I start to cry.

Forgive me my love but I am tired,

I need to get away to feel again and
please try to understand why.
Don’t even try to change my mind and please
wipe that look you have on your face right now.
Excuse me sthandwa Sami, but we’re through…

Should I be feeling guilty?

Maybe…
I’ve seen you cry I have seen you smile
and I have watched you sleep.
I have been the mother to your kids.
I’d spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.

You touched my heart, you touched my soul,

you changed my life and all my goals,
love is blind and then I knew my heart was blinded by you,
I have kissed your lips and held your hand,
I’ve shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well I know your smell…
and I love you I swear that’s true.

Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend.

Surely you have been the one, the one for me.
And as you move on…
remember me,
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remember us,
and all we used to be.

Yours truly
Salusiwe-maNgcobo

That‟s the letter I left behind for Zweli to read the day I left Hilton. I
decided to leave with no goodbye I also left a letter to my kids telling them
how much I love them and that I will see them very soon. I had to settle
first in Durban before Milani and Phila could come and live with me.

******
I have kissed his lips, I‟ve held hugged and touched his body. I‟ve been the
cause of his smile. And his heart, I wanted it, got it and had to let go of it.
As I am about to start this new chapter of my life, the one that includes the
final end of my love story, the bidding of my marriage I am in hopes not to
be judged for what I did. When things aren‟t just working and adding up in
your life you have to start subtracting and set yourself free. And that‟s
exactly what I did for myself, I set myself free.
I am mad at myself, not at Zweli. I am mad for always being nice, always
apologising for things I didn‟t do, for getting attached, for making him my
life, depending on him, thinking I wouldn‟t be able to do without him,
wasting my time on him, thinking about him, forgiving him, wishing for
him, dreaming of him. But most of all, for not being able to hate him, which
I clearly know I should, but I just can‟t.
******
I now reside in Durban, Morning Side, with Philanathi and Milani. Sihlangu and
Veli still stay in Hilton with their dad due to school; since they are both in grade 11
it was hard for them to change schools.
So yes it finally happened. Zweli and I finally went our separate ways. After that
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incident that happened at the garage I couldn‟t face him anymore and it brought
back all the awful memories I had shared with this man. The abuse I have
tolerated for long, the killing of Mayenzeke, the acceptance of Veli and the death
of Ntando. I couldn‟t handle it anymore so I had to sign off the divorce papers.
Since mother Dive & Dine is in Durban I had no choice but to move there and I
must say business is booming. I am also planning on starting and Engineering
Firm for all professional engineers in all fields. Milani and Phila both go to
Glenwood Primary School and they visit their dad every month end but Veli and
Sihlangu come to visit every weekend.
Zweli wanted me to keep the house in Hilton but I disapproved, but he insisted I
keep the house in Cape Town because the kids love it there. The Audi Q7, I left
that car in Hilton and I bought myself another car, a Range Rover.
I am kind of disappointed in myself that I didn‟t last long in marriage, that my
happily ever after turned out to be just a happily never after, that I didn‟t last for
as long as my father would have wanted me to, that I failed myself once again. But
the death of my daughter took its toll on me and it made me realise that for how
long I will tolerate Zweli‟s abusive behaviour.

I remember how every night I would cry because I knew I was living a lie I knew
that Zweli was not going to change, so I would cry myself to sleep, in the shower,
driving to work I would cry –because I knew I was not ready to say goodbye, but
then on this random day I noticed the change that I no longer held my love‟s
heart. So I had to stop crying and feeling sorry for myself. See, when a woman
stops crying magic happens, she is preparing for something new. The moment I
stopped crying I knew I had to set myself free from the misery, the pain, the abuse
and the hurt. There is nothing as painful as falling in love with your partner
everyday while you watch him falling out of love with you every day.
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You know the thing about good women is that sometimes she just can‟t do it
anymore, so don‟t be surprised if you look up one day and see she‟s not down for
you anymore. Don‟t blame her, just look in the mirror and blame yourself because
her love wasn‟t meant to be taken for granted, it was made to be appreciated.
Although 6 months have passed since Zweli and I went our separate ways, there is
a part of me that is still desperate to know if my absence has done any damage to
him. That there is a possibility that he too, experiences long sleepless nights due to
the thought of me, that his heart is broken in the same places as mine. I wish to
know that I‟m not the only one hurting from this and I long to know if I actually
meant something to him, I pray for him more than myself.
I have been through hell and back with this man, and I know for sure that I have
left an imprint in his life that anyone who entertains him after me will have to
know me in order to understand him.
It‟s been quite a show, a fruitful journey, it really had me going but now it‟s time
to go as the curtains have finally closed. It was very entertaining but it‟s over
now…
I must admit though falling for Zwelibanzi has been without a doubt the most
exquisite form of self–destruction.
So here‟s to 25 years of marriage.
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