WHERE THE HEART FEELS AT HOME

‫ عشق کیتا سو جگ دا مول میاں‬،‫حمد خدا دا ورد کیجے‬

‫ معشوق ہے نبی رسول میاں‬، ‫پہلوں آپ ہی رب نے عشق کیتا‬
‫ مرد عشق دا بھل رنجول میاں‬،‫عشق پیر فقیر دا مرتبہ اے‬
‫ جنہاں کیتا اے عشق قبول میاں‬،‫کھلے تنہاندے باغ قلوب اندر‬

Translation:

First, in God’s praise we begin

Who loved so the world came to be
First it was the lord who loved,
The Prophet his beloved, he made
Love became the end of the saints
Love lent man grace from grief
Like gardens their hearts blossom
Who embrace the message of Love

Reading Waris Shah’s stanza on the board at Heer and Ranjha’s tomb, she asked her guide
satirically:

“Isn’t it hypocrisy that years ago two people violated God’s limits and to this date people are
portraying their sacrilege as something divine and sacred, just for their own benefit? Like
what’s the point in using God’s name to defend two people who died because of their own
stupidity, so that poets could have an attractive topic to write about, the management of this
tomb could attract plentiful tourists, and guides like you could trick people into your
captivating stories?”

“Oh foolish girl! .... Mind your language! ...... Don’t you fear the love that you are
disrespecting?”

A man in a green gown with a long black beard and shinning eyes, standing behind her, said
furiously

“Oh yeah Baba jee, I’m extremely fearful of this stupid emotion that could persuade a person
into ruining his own self, it’s nothing but ecstasy!” she replied mockingly

“Ok then, I pray to God that one day, after seeing all the colors of true love, tasting all its
flavors, and experiencing all its warmth, you return to this Holy place of Jhang, completely
immersed in the aura of this heavenly passion”, The man replied calmly
She who was infuriated, paid the guide’s dues, picked up her bag pack, and left the tomb

_______________________________________

Hani Shah was the one and only daughter of one of the biggest landowners of Punjab. She was
a perfectionist who was guided by her ambitions, passion, and dreams. The word “NO” was
nowhere in her life. She believed in writing her own destiny and that’s how she planned her life
but she never knew that destiny also makes plans and destiny’s plans barely fail!

Hani was brought up by her grandmother. She never understood her deep words but she loved
to comfort her head on her beeji’s(grandmaa’s) lap, listening to her for hours.

Her life took a cruel turn when she had to leave the comforts of her home to live in her
university’s hostel. Before she could have completely adapted to that change, life brought her
another trauma. Her beeji died and she couldn’t even attend her funeral, owing to the delay in
her flight. The words which her roommate said to her that night never faded from her mind,

“'The hour of destiny has arrived. We had hoped otherwise but no one can escape the destiny of
death. Even as it is written in the Holy Quran, 'Everything is mortal save only God. Your dado
has gone”

When she reached back home, she completely confined herself to her beeji's grave or kept
praying in her room where she taught her how to pray, recited her Quran, and narrated her
sunnah in her childhood. She was completely changed, she lost interest in everything. She read
her Beeji’s diary daily, tried to contemplate her words and advices, and embraced all her
belongings but she could not make peace with herself. She started spending time in nature. The
sun, the moon, the stars, the flowers, the birds and everything in nature conveyed her a
message. The only purpose of her life became being the morning star that her Beeji used to
show her after tahajud every night narrating to her Muhammad Bin Qasim’s supplication that
“God might make him like that morning star which is short-lived but brings light to the entire
world when it dies!”

She got engaged after a year, which she thought being a positive change would balance the
adversities of her life, but in vain. Though, her engagement brought her a good friend and a
shoulder she could cry on but it was neither a replacement for her beeji's lap nor an answer to
the questions that her death evoked in her mind and that were keeping her restless.

__________________________________________

Haider Malik was a handsome and smart guy. He had all the qualities of an ideal man. If Hani
could ever have a perfect match, it could be none other than Haider. He did not believe in
spontaneity and so was the case with his choice of Hani. He did not fall for her at first sight yet
he was impressed by each and every aspect of her personality. With every passing day his
admiration transformed into an intense passion which he translated as love. He was one of
those few lucky people who get whom they love but he did not know that a person is not where
he lives but where he loves!

One day when he asked Hani while hooking an anklet on her foot:

“Hani you know what, I’m tying these anklets as a symbol of my love around your feet today.
But, you have already bound me with the unbreakable shackles of your love , I could never get
rid of those shackles nor do I want to, but I wonder if my love has the same affect on you as
your love has affected me?”

“I’ve found a best friend in you, your company comforts me, I find solace in you. I feel that we
have a perfect compatibility and we understand each bit of us”, She replied with an
expressionless face

“But where is love? Don’t you love me?”, He asked

“I don’t know what love is……….. To me it was nothing but an extremely unrealistic emotion
or a fatal poison that many stupid and ecstatic people self-administer, ruining themselves
forever…….. But beeji's death has taught me that love do exists…. It is something extremely
intense…. Something that has a tendency to transform a person completely……I don’t know
what it exactly is……. But one thing is for sure, love propagates at distance….. It is a product
of desertion; it has nothing to do with coexistence.” Lost in her thoughts, she replied.

Haider always yearned for the same expression of love and affection from Hani that he had. But
his love was far beyond the reciprocity. Hani was his’ and that was an achievement too big for
him to happily spend the rest of his life. He supported her through everything. All he wanted
was her happiness and for that he had given up on all his ego, pride, and desires. Haider Malik
was not the same person anymore and that was itself a proof of the intensity of his love, as it is
said:

“Just as the stone that doesn’t creates ripples in water has not significant mass; the love that doesn’t
changes your heart barely has any significance”

______________________________________________

Hani, who couldn’t get rid of the perplexing curiosity that was propagating in her mind, the
unknown pain that was overpowering her nerves, and the strange emotions that were aching
her heart, decided to leave on an exploratory journey to find what awaits her, what was
destined for her, and what was holding the peace of her mind and her heart. Haider supported
her as he always did.

She created a list of five breath-taking natural wonders that intrigued her.
 _________________________________

The first place that she visited was New Zealand. She wanted to experience the first ray of
sunlight that falls on earth, she wanted to feel its purity, she wanted to see the true and
uncontaminated colors of sunlight, she wanted to hear the message that universe sends to
Earth in its completely unaltered form. She went to the Tapeka point at the East coast of New
Zealand by 4 AM, so that she could experience the first sunrise on Earth. The darkness started
to shed and a multitude of colors began to appear on sky. While she was waiting for the sun to
appear, she heard someone behind her,

“These colors are so significant; they are representing the process of change. They appear on sky twice a
day; once when the day is to break and then as the night is to appear. These colors show how a person has
to experience a multitude of emotions, every time he undergoes the process of change, may it be a positive
change from darkness to light or a negative one in the opposite direction.”

Stunned by her words, she turned back, he was probably recording a Vlog but before she could
properly see him, the first ray of sun fell on her face and she turned towards sky. Lost in the
view, she didn’t realize that the person behind him had already left.

After returning to her resort, she kept thinking about that person’s words until she got the
confirmation of her registration for the seminar that she applied for. She left by 7PM and was
amazed to see the same person speaking in the seminar, “ What we see is what our eye lenses
reflect, the clear the lens, the clearer would be the image while a slight opacity or color
insensitivity could extremely distort what you see, no matter how clear, how beautiful or how
colorful the scenery is. In the same way, what we feel is what our heart reflects; the pure your
heart is the purer would be your feelings, emotions and the perception of the world!”

As the seminar ended, she approached that person, she didn’t know why but he had such an
influence over her that she knew couldn’t be accidental, that clearly had a purpose and that was
destined. She broke the ice,

“Hi, it’s Hani Shah from Jhang, Pakistan. I heard in your introduction that you’re from Pakistan
so I thought to meet you”

“Hello, Its Saddam Ali”, he replied

“Your words were so powerful, they just moved me”, she admired

“That’s my pleasure”, He replied courteously

“I want to be like you”, She said spontaneously

“That’s your stupidity”, he replied with a satirical smile

A silence prevailed, she composed herself,

 “Yeah, you can say this...... stupidity is a relative term…. One day we consider someone or
something stupid while the other day we seem stupid to the others.” She had the flashback of
her trip to Heer Ranjha’s tomb while saying this

“Well, I don’t agree much, stupidity isn’t relative, its absolute and its absolutely prevalent, and
there is no exception to it at this very planet. We are living on a planet of 7 Billion comparable
fools”, he replied coldly.

Hani was never this patient. She wasn’t habitual of such accents, and getting influenced by
someone wasn’t in her genes but when destiny decides to enroll us in the cycle of suffering, we
can’t escape the fate’s strike. She requested Sadam, who was on his world tour, to change the
order of his trip in such a way that he could accompany her to the remaining four spots of her
bucket list, as she feels that she would be able to find her answers better in his company. Sadam
after learning about Hani’s soul searching struggle, agreed to do so but he clearly told her,

“ Hey! I simply want enjoyment out of this trip… I have detached myself from this emotional
realm and over thinking, since long; neither do I want to, nor could I afford getting into this
again. So I don’t want you to expect some philosophical answers from me as Unmet
expectations breed frustration and I won’t like if all your struggle that you are doing to get rid
of your frustration further frustrates you just because of me”

______________________________________

Sadam Ali was the apple of everyone’s eye at his home. He was a topper in everything
throughout his life. His personality had such a charm that no one could resist the influence that
he had on them. As he entered one of the top class Universities of Pakistan, his personality
further got polished. From a pampered mama’s boy, he transformed into a perfect macho man;
but the charm and charisma of his personality stayed still. He who was born to impress,
couldn’t escape fate’s plan and he fell for a girl at his college. He unknowingly became a part of
the cycle of suffering and then what happened to him was what happens to every lover in this
world. He forgot himself, he sacrificed his ego, he strived day and night for her but all that
came to him was mere disappointment. Pain, tears, judgment, manipulation and loss of self
esteem was what she rewarded him with. He had dark days, sleepless nights, grumpy
mornings and there seemed to be no way out of this blind tunnel. It took him too long to
overcome his depression. That emotion taught him a lot; it taught him empathy, it taught him
kindness, it taught him respect and every other thing that she deprived him of, but he
completely lost his trust in love after that. He got back into his shell so that he never has to
experience any such pain again. The only definition of love for him became suffering and the
only acceptable form of love for him was reciprocity!

_______________________________________________
The first place that they flew to from NewZealand was Kjeragbolten in Norway. They both
went there for the first time and they were amazed by the nature’s wonder. The rock which is a
5-cubic-metre glacial deposit is wedged in the mountain's crevasse, it seems as if it is connecting
the two long standing mountains. They reached that rock very easily and without any special
equipments, she asked him,

“What does it conveys to you Saddam Sahab?”

“This rock between these two huge peaks, seems to me as the heart of the two. It conveys that
when two people who are to meet and who love each other, couldn’t unite, their hearts harden.
They both might rise to significant heights in their lives individually but deep inside, their
hearts are empty, the empty hardened masses and nothing else!” He replied coldly

She looked into his empty eyes, trying to reach the past that was being reflected in his words,
but she couldn’t, she then said:

“Sir, although I brought you with me as a mentor but here I have a conflict with you, what I see
here is that when two people do not meet physically and fail to achieve each other, a unique yet
a very strong bond develops between them, that connect them in such a way that it becomes a
wonder, a miracle, at which no opposing force works just as neither the gravity nor any wind or
rain has any effect on this intact rock fixed between these two distant peaks. Unmet love is what
true love is and it has its own intensity, its own strength!” she said while locking at the rock.

He was stunned and this time he surely had something in his eyes!

___________________________

Whenever it comes to Netherlands and especially in the spring season, what else could come in
one’s mind then the colorful tulips. There second destination was Keukenhof Tulip Garden in
Amsterdam. Sitting there, completely surrounded by the tulips of thousands of different
shades, he plucked a tulip that had a combination of three colors: Blue, Pink and Yellow.
Looking at that he asked her:

“What’s so special in these tulips that made you travel from Jhang to Amsterdam?”

She watched the flowers for a few seconds and then replied spontaneously,

“In this field, numerous tulips of different colors are all living together; even each and every
single tulip itself has multiple colors inside it too. This makes me realize that every being has
multiple aspects of his personality and then these personalities differ from person to person as
well, so one can never understand or get to know the other person completely. There are always
some aspects of our own as well as other’s personalities that we miss on. The only way to stay
happy is to accept and tolerate the different aspects of our own personalities as well as those of
others, without judging each other”
He stared her speechlessly as he could relate to every single word of her. This time, she picked
what was shinning in his eyes:

“You told me that you don’t want to get into emotional realm as you have detached yourself
from that far back in your past. May I get to know the circumstances that led you to this
conclusion?”

He got up from the bench and walked away. She kept sitting there quietly!

_______________________________________

Damascus obviously is a melt pot of cultures and a piece of ancient history can be found on
every street corner. They both were extremely depressed to see most of the infrastructure badly
destroyed in the Syrian War but they continued to the Umayyad mosque which was one of the
most awaited destinations of her bucket list. She stepped in with teary eyes as if some dream
has been fulfilled but he stayed outside. She turned back to ask him why he wasn’t coming
along:

“ I don’t find myself eligible to go inside” He replied

“That’s the only place in the entire world, which has no specified eligibility criteria for its
visitors, its open to all!” she shouted

“Still I feel that the religion and I are so far apart now, that entering a mosque would bring me
nothing but embarrassment, guilt or maybe restlessness” He replied

“Your restlessness is the fire that is the product of your own negligence, while religion is that
cool water which always acts as an extinguisher, no matter how late do you turn to it and how
large the conflagration is. Now come in please!”, She asserted

He finally surrendered and moved in. They walked inside and enjoyed the beautiful
architecture of the mosque. She later went to pray Zuhr. He was reluctant to accompany; she
refrain from insisting. Later they sat near the fountain in the mosque’s country yard and she
asked her,

“Should I tell you what this place taught me?”

“ Yeah go ahead!”, He replied

This place was home to many prophets, my Beeji narrated me many stories about it, it still has
their aura, their fragrance, their essence but none of them is here anymore. Similarly much of
the infrastructure of this country is destroyed but here we are still sitting in peace in this
beautiful intact and preserved mosque. It proves that everything is to go, something’s do leave
their aura, their never lasting memories, but they still have to go at the end, the only thing that
stays is the name of ALLAH. And this fact completely holds true for our hearts as well, that no
matter how many people and things come in it, at the end the only one whom we can turn to in
our pain and sufferings is none but Allah!”

He kept quiet for sometimes and then said,

“Let me narrate to you my story today” and he kept speaking in continuity, lost in his past.

“Why don’t you go back to her and end up that chapter of your life on a happier note?” She
asked calmly after listening to his story

“ She can’t be mine, she would never want to, she would never be!”, He shouted

“ Why do you want her to be yours?” She was again very calm

“Whats the point of not having her?”, He argued

“ You would either have her or the love that has enlightened your heart, because where there is
love, there is no need for attainment. Now you have to decide, what’s more precious to you?,
She concluded

_____________________________

There last destination was Taj Mahal. Just as they entered Agra, she could feel the mausoleum
attracting her towards itself. That white marble building completely mesmerized her. Standing
at the grave of Mumtaz Mahal , she asked him

“ Why do you think, Shah Jahan created this wonderful and imparalleled mausoleum for his
beloved wife?”

“To balance the score of the love, care and services Mumtaz gave him throughout her life… it’s
a give and take sort of thing….and Shah Jahan was probably one genius who knew how to
reciprocate with pride……… or may be he created this to show off the love that he should have
express to her wife when she was alive but he didn’t , its all hypocrisy!”, He replied

This word hypocrisy took her back to Heer Ranjha’s tomb where she gave the same
disrespectful title to love and she prayed in her heart that he might not have to face the music
that she had to face!

“You are again wrong, Shah Jahan did this because he extremely loved Mumtaz but he only
realized this when they departed. That’s why I say, love has nothing to do with physical meet
up…. Love propagates at distance!” She argued
“I wonder how could two people have such different definitions of love. Your love and my love
are two completely different entities and this is probably because you haven’t loved yet!”, He
was satirical

“No! The love is never different. Love is always the same; it’s about ones behavior towards love.
My struggle is to embrace love while yours is to escape it!” She was confident

“Yeah and that too is because I’ve faced the consequences of love and you haven’t done that
yet”

“How can you conclude about me just on your mere assumptions? The only reason for which I
want to embrace love is that I have already loved someone and that love was so beautiful, so
precious and so pure that I fell for that love itself”. She replied with teary eyes

_________________________________________________

He accompanied her to see her off at airport. Her flight was announced, before leaving for her
plane, she handed him over a letter, which she asked him to open after she had left:

To,

The person who taught me what love is, despite having an extremely false concept of love
himself,

You came into my life just like air, that we simply breathe in and take out, but in that little
period it detoxifies us completely; you became that light for me, which falls on human eye to
make everything clearly visible. You became that fragrance, which got soaked up in each and
every unit of my body. You did this, because you were destined to do this. Love and its
sufferings are destined for all of us, at different times, different places, under different
circumstances, with different people but with the same intensity and the same potential to
change us, break us and reshape us. Love is a never ending cycle of suffering, in which all of
us are enrolled once in our lives. You suffered for that girl, I am going to suffer for you and
someone back home is suffering for me, that’s how it goes.

The purpose here is not to confess my emotions to you, nor do I want any approval from you.
The love that has propagated inside me, is selfless, it doesn’t need anything from you. I am
telling you all this only to make you realize that when there is love, there is no room for
desires, ego and fears. You probably hate love or that person particularly because you had
desires and expectations associated to her, you feared her rejection and your ego hurt every
time she said something inappropriate to you. Don’t close the doors of your heart to such a
beautiful emotion just because of a bitter experience that probably wasn’t love and even if it
was, then clear your heart from all the fears, desires and ego that impurified your love and go
back to her, not to have her approval but to make peace with your broken pieces, to get rid of
your past and to close that chapter of your life beautifully.

Yours gratefully,

Hani Shah

Reading her indirect confession, he was startled. He kept watching her plane until it
disappeared in the sky.

_______________________________________

On returning home, Hani was a changed person. She spent all her time in crying in front of
Allah. She started working for social welfare. She distributed all she had among needy. Her
journey to find peace had completed but a new journey of change and transformation through
pain had started. The burden and the regret of having someone else in the heart that beats in the
body which was committed to Haider, was too heavy for her to tolerate. Although she didn’t
have any desire associated to Saddam and she never betrayed Haider’s trust but there was also
no denying of the fact that her entire existence was now a reflection of Saddam. She was
continuously fighting her own self and that battle was not only wounding her soul but she was
also deteriorating physically. She constantly had high grade fever, she was completely bed
ridden. She begged to Haider to take her to the Heer Ranjha’s tomb as she couldn’t even die in
peace if she hadn’t met someone at that place.

Going there, she read the same board and her eyes filled with tears, she sat by the same baba
gee,

“ Baba gee, I don’t know if it was your curse that ruined me or a supplication that enlightened
me, but God listened to you that day, or he might heard me, making fun of that pure emotion
which was behind the creation of this entire world and which is the characteristic of the God
himself. Love has given me so much. Even the pain that one gets in love has its own comfort.
All I want is not to betray, disappoint or hurt someone in the course of my own love. My love is
pure and I don’t want it to have the blood of someone’s feelings on its hands. I want to keep my
sufferings confined to myself. I don’t want them to reach those who are associated to me. This
fear of committing a sin of breaking someone’s heart is eating me up gradually”, her throat was
chocked with tears as she said this.

Baba gee moved his hand over her head and said,

“Your love is precious, May it achieve eternity just like Heer’s love and may it never breaks
someone’s heart and remains as pure as you want it to be”

__________________________
Haider who overheard Hani’s conversation by chance, didn’t ask her anything until her
condition got critical. She asked him to sit by the side of her bed, held his hand and said,

“Haider, when we got engaged, you imparted your color to me, which I proudly embraced but
destiny tinted me into another color, a color so dark that it concealed all other colors of my
personality and a color so powerful to be ever replaced. I never put off the anklets that you tied
in my feet but today let met drop a will to you, if I die, take out the anklet from one of my foot
and hand that over to the person who changed me, as a symbol of my love while let the other
one stay in my foot, bury that along with me so that even after death, I will be bound by your
commitment. And do write my name on the head stone of my grave as “HANI HAIDER” so
that it would remind you that Hani didn’t betray you, she even died as someone who belonged
to you!”

They both cried painfully until she died in his arms. Her death transformed Haider into a
completely different person. Leaving his job at foreign, he shifted to Hani’s grandma’s room,
where she used to spend most of her time and continued Hani’s social welfare projects. He
turned her grave into a tomb. He was no more a perfection seeker; he was instead a seeker of
positive transformation. He who believed in shaping the destiny, now awaits the destiny’s
plans to teach him, enlighten him and mould him.

__________________________________

Taking a break from his work, he put the laptop on his bed and went to the balcony of his room.
The morning star was blinking. It was about to burst into a full fledged morning. It reminded
him of her that how she used to watch that star every night and how much she yearned to be
like that. He returned back into his room and received Haider’s email which stated:

That dacoit death from whom no one can escape has looted our property. Hani has been dead
for the last eight watches. We bathed her body and buried her yesterday and as soon as we
began the last funeral rites, I sent this news to you. She died on Shahdah but if anything was
there in her heart, in her mind and on her tongue before that, it was none but you. Just as Heer
breathed her last, crying the words, 'Ranjha, Ranjha. ' Hani died crying “ Sadam, Sadam!”

Reading that, he spontaneously ran to the balcony, the sun had arisen and the morning had
prevailed. The morning star had sacrificed her life successfully, spreading the light everywhere.
He silently shed tears and took Hani’s last letter out of his wallet. Reading that he knew what he
had to do next.

___________________________________

Sadam went to Saniya’s ( His beloved) door and handed her over a boquet of white lilies. Before
she could say anything, he interrupted:
“ Don’t worry I’m not here to ask you for anything, all I want to do is to give you what I owe to
you so that I’ll be relieved and could close the chapter of my life that you were a part of. I once
claimed that I loved you and that was too big a claim. Love demands selflessness, fearlessness
and lack of desire, and now I realize that my love didn’t have what it takes to love so today let
me fulfill my claim but putting all my fears, ego and expectations behind, and apologize to you
for anything that might hurt you, forgive you for all the wounds that I owe to you and wish you
a happy and blessed life. Good bye!”

He didn’t return home from Saniya’s place, he went to Hani’s grave and buried her letter in the
grave’s mud, smiled and returned to his exploratory journey of true love that Hani wished for
him!

________________________________

Hani’s death changed everyone around him. Nature taught her a lesson and she spread that
every where around her. She was truly a morning star, a star that never dies but simply
experiences a transition from this mortal world to the halls of eternity. Her merit was that she
remained firm in love and passed away steadfast in true love. Death comes to all!

Jhootha Rabb Nu Tussi Kehen Waleyo,

Nigah Meri Naal Je Dekh Lavo,
Jhooth Akh Kade Ni Keh Sakdi,
Nigah Yaar Di Nigahe-E-Peer Hundi.

Translations:

Oh those who deny God

If you see through my eyes

The Lovers eye never lies

As the eye of lover is the eye of saint