Is it more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than

world history. To what extent do you agree & disagree?

It is argued that young learners should prioritize learning history about their nationsabout the
past events of their locality rather than the world as a wholeglobal events that occured. From
my own perspective, I firmly agree with this statement because the phenomenon would instill
youngsters with a sense of patriotism into youngsters while learning global history may put
them under enormous pressure.

The primary motivation behind my belief can be seen in a sense of national pride it would
engender. By gaining a deeper understanding of their local historical affairs events and the
way their forefathers have been fightingfought for their countries’ freedom, young
individuals would turn out to be far more responsible to their nations. In this way, they would
be likely to study diligently for extended periods, ending up with outstanding academic
performances. In the long run, they will be able to attain great employment opportunities,
seeking high-paid jobs as a result. Their taxes in turn would contribute largely to the welfare
of their societies.

Another key driver of my pointthat supports my view is that studying global historical events
that have happened around the world would be immensely stressful. As the curriculums have
invariably consisted of a substantial number of subjects, including the subject of national
history which is almost compulsory in every country, most students tend to get overwhelmed
and overloaded. At the same time, the tremendous volume of global affairs and sophisticated
contexts would easily lead to confusion amongst children whose minds are not fully
developed and mature yet. In turn, many would be utterly stressed or even deeply depressed,
thereby giving up their studies.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that it is more crucial for students to gain knowledge about
their local history instead of the global counterpart. This would not only foster a sense of
nationalism but also mitigate the stress stemming from learning world history. In my view,
learning world history should be optional and based on particular desires only.

Estimated
Grade

Task 8 250 -320 words

Response
all parts of the topic are responded to well

all parts of the question are responded to well

main ideas are clear

explanation/examples of main ideas are clear

Cohesion 8 good overall structure
and
Coherence the first paragraph clearly introduces the essay

topic sentences introduce paragraphs well / clear central topic

paragraph development is logical

Vocabulary 7 ✘
appropriate word choices and control of word endings/forms

repetition is avoided

spelling is correct

Grammar articles (a, an, the)

8

sentence structures are correct

Punctuation

Overall 7.5

When I read this, I have a mental vision of you drilling a hole in the youngster’s
head and try to force patriotism into that hole. It just sounds wrong to try and
push a feeling such as a sense of patriotism into a person. That is why I would
suggest you use the alternative I have provided as being the more natural and
native like approach.