4.08.

The Control Model

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Now here's your assignment though to make sure we take some action out of this. Wait a
second, I just realised before I give you assignment, just one more thing. That's one of my
favourite phrases, just one more thing.

Let me give you one other quick model. You go, another model? Am I going to be here for
three more hours? No, no, relax. It's okay.

It's cool. It's very simple. I call it the control model.

Remember, what's the basis of everything we believe? More time comes not by changing
your schedule, but changing your level of fulfilment. When you love what you're doing, time
disappears. When you feel like you're out of control and you hate what's going on, time lasts
forever.

It's an eternity to experience a minute, right? So one other thing to think about in terms of
where you spend your time, which means where you spend your focus and emotion. And
that is, look at the additional target I put there for you. Because there's another target.

You want to do things that are important, but not urgent. But you also want to make sure
that you're spending your time, your emotion, your focus on things you can control, not
things you can't control. And by the way, if you see there's three targets.

What's the absolute bullseye in the control model? It's doing things that you absolutely
control. What's that? Yourself. What's that? What you focus on.

What's that? What you feel inside. You get to determine how you feel no matter what
somebody says or does in your life. We often forget that, but we're in control of that.

And if you don't know that, pick up one of my other tape sets like Personal Power, the 10
Days to Change Your Life, and get emotionally fit and strong. And notice that there is
nothing, nothing in your life that you're going to feel that you aren't creating and that you
can't change literally in a heartbeat if you want to. What else can you control? Well, you can
control what your attitude is about something.

You can control completely what things mean to you. Remember, you can't control all
events. You can't control the weather.

See, I used to stress myself out. Here in Fiji, my favourite place to go, and I have friends
coming. It's their first time.

And I'd be like, oh my gosh, yeah, but will the weather be good? You know, because I don't
want it to rain. Because, you know, it could rain for two or three days. They're only going to
be here for five or six.

If it rained for two or three days like that, then they wouldn't have the greatest time. I want
to have the very best time because I want everybody to be happy all the time. And I used to
be nuts about it.
As if I could control the weather. As if stressing about it would make it even slightly better. I
was an idiot.

Have you ever done something like that? I'll tell you another thing you can't control and it's
stupid to waste time on. The past. I mean, think about it.

To spend any time, no matter how stressful the past was, whether it was abusive or whether
it was challenging, doesn't matter. You can't change the past. So why would you spend any
time, which means any focus, which means any of your emotion, about something you
cannot control.

All that is is a recipe for what? Stress. A major stress. And that stress is going to keep you
out of being in the zone and feeling the important feelings and doing the important things
that matter to you.

What's the second circle there? Well, if you're not totally in the zone of what you can
control, the next best thing is things you can influence. What can you influence? Well,
people. There are a lot of people you can influence in a positive way.

Your kids. Can you really control your kids long term? Nada. We all know that if we're
honest with ourselves, but we can influence them.

We can influence their beliefs and their values. Can't control them, but can influence them.
That's the job of a leader is to influence, not to control everyone.

You never will. You can try and control everybody through fear, but it never lasts or
incentives. That doesn't last.

You got to influence people to meet their needs at the deepest level. That's what will make
you a leader. Doing something for a greater good and for those people, whether those
people be your kids or the people in your organisation, the people that you manage, the
people you call your friends, you can influence there.

And the better you are at influencing yourself, the better you are at shaping your own mind
and emotions, the more you'll be able to help other people in a way that has integrity and
caring and the kinds of emotions that really matter to you. You might be able to influence
the company. You might be able to influence the country.

But there are certain things that fall in that third category where you get zero points. And
that is things you can't control and you can't influence. What's that? The weather.

What's that? The past. What's that? Anything in your life that you, if you're honest with
yourself, know is a complete waste of your lifeblood called time to spend time on.
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