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Healing the wound of abandonment (PARALYTIC PISCINA BETESTA)

There is a wound that we have all experienced at some point in life and
especially in our childhood. And it is the wound of abandonment. Let's reflect
together on this wound from the beautiful gospel of the healing of the paralytic
at the pool of Bethesda that the gospel of Saint John 5, 1-9 brings us. Let's listen
to the story:
“It was a holiday for the Jews, when Jesus went up to Jerusalem. There is in
Jerusalem, next to the Sheep Gate, a pool called Bethesda in Hebrew, which
has 5 porches, under which lay a multitude of sick, blind, lame and paralyzed
people, waiting for the stirring of the water. For the angel of the Lord came
down from time to time into the pool and stirred up the water; and the first one
who got in after the agitation of the water was cured of whatever illness he had.
Among them was a man who had been ill for thirty-eight years. Jesus, seeing
him lying there and knowing that he had been there for a long time, says to
him: "Do you want to be cured?" The sick man answered: "Sir, I have no one to
put me into the pool when the water is agitated; and while I go, someone else
gets down before me." Jesus said to him, "Get up, take up your mat and walk."
And immediately the man was healed, he took his mat and began to walk. “That
day was Saturday.” God's word
What this man from the pool of Bethesda was experiencing is our worst
nightmare: we are terrified that for more than 38 years they will abandon us and
leave us to our own devices. That they leave us alone for so long and that no
one cares about us, not our wife, or husband, nor our children, or friends. 38
years wasted, without anyone worrying about whether we are sick, if we need
help, or if we need this or that thing. Seeing ourselves unable to fend for
ourselves, abandoned and alone is something that no human being should
experience in their life.
The wound of abandonment becomes evident precisely when we are assailed by
the fear that something similar to that of this patient at the pool of Bethesda will
happen to us. The wound of abandonment that we all carry is revealed when we
are frightened by the lack of affection, company, protection or care. When
loneliness scares us and we are afraid of being alone, without anyone in our life.
The wound of abandonment is present when we discover ourselves to be jealous
people, in constant insecurity or vigilance to not be abandoned or abandoned.
Or when we become emotionally dependent on our partners, friends, family,
tolerating even the intolerable so as not to be left without anyone. Sometimes
the wound of abandonment appears when we ourselves take the initiative to
abandon the relationship first, abandon the other first, for fear of reliving the
painful experience of being abandoned.
Following the suggestions made by emotional intelligence psychologists, I
invite you to manage your wound of abandonment in a more efficient way, in a
more intelligent way, as we would say in more modern words. I offer you here
some steps to follow:
1. Activate your internal observer: When you begin to perceive any threat
and feel afraid that your husband, your wife, your children, or some
important person will abandon you, become aware that it is your wound of
abandonment that is becoming present at that moment. The fear of being
abandoned that you are feeling may be paralyzing and making you very sad.
Maybe it is prompting you to run away from there and leave the relationship.
Don't make any decisions, just observe yourself, without judging yourself,
without reacting. Perhaps the wound of abandonment can also make you
experience the emotion of rage or anger with the person who is making you
feel that insecurity. Or maybe rage or anger at yourself for feeling what you
are feeling. Without getting angry or scared by all these feelings that the
wound of abandonment is raising in you, hold that discomfort without
reacting. Observe it with curiosity, locate it somewhere on your body. Don't
fight with those feelings and emotions. Welcome them and accept them
without rejecting them. Wait, observing and not reacting. Soon your inner
wisdom, the Holy Spirit within you, will tell you something. But don't avoid
that moment of discomfort. Observe, welcome and wait.

2. Awaken your internal self-regulator: Within you there are self-regulation

mechanisms that you can discover and cultivate so that the intensity of the
emotions that the wound of abandonment has awakened do not take over you
or your life. Self-regulation mechanisms can be cognitive, bodily or
relational. Among the cognitive mechanisms, you can visualize a scene that
gives you security in the relationship you have with that person. Visualizing
that scene for a long time can help the intensity of the emotions go down. A
relational self-regulator could be talking to a friend about what you are
feeling at that moment or praying and telling Jesus until you see that the
feelings are not so intense. If you see it appropriate and possible, talk
directly about your fear of abandonment with the same person with whom
you experience it, asking for understanding and security. This can be very
healing. A physical self-regulator could be asking that person for a hug,
going for a walk to calm yourself, finding a body posture in prayer that helps
you feel safe again: prostrating, kneeling, or simply looking at your cross or
holding it in your hands. . When you get the intensity of the emotion to go
down, only then move on to the third step:
3. Choose the most appropriate response: After doing these two previous
steps, talk to your fear of abandonment again and formulate a positive phrase
that empowers you, such as: “I feel safe, I am loved, I am loved ,” “or I feel
calm, God is with me.” It is important to formulate phrases that give positive
instructions to your brain and generate a more empowered emotional state.
When you have achieved this, then think and decide what is the smartest
thing to do in that situation, expressing empathy towards yourself, but also
towards the rest of the people who triggered the manifestation of your
abandonment wound. You can decide not to pay attention to the emotional
messages that the wound of abandonment has been sending you, because in
reality they are not real and they only take away your vital energy. You can
also choose to talk about these feelings and seek, together with the person
who triggered that moment or another person close to you, to learn new
behaviors that help you perceive more understanding and security.
Let's go back to the gospel. The story tells us that Jesus, seeing the paralytic
lying there and who had been there for so long without any support, takes
charge of the situation. God has waited, like this sick man, for human help to do
what he has to do. But when this human solidarity does not arrive, God himself
approaches and leaves no one abandoned. As Psalm 27 tells us: “If my mother
and father abandon me, the Lord will take me back .” The Lord will never
abandon you. He is faithful and will always pick you up. You will never be
alone, because he accompanies you on the path, whatever the circumstance.
You will go through many moments when, like the sick man at Bethesda, you
will say: Lord, I have no one to help me! I have no one to accompany me! But
he will send someone and he will pick you up himself.
The gospel tells us that the Word, the phrase, with which Jesus heals the
paralytic is the following: “Get up, take up your mat and walk.” This is very
significant because Jesus could have told him just get up and walk! or just
“walk”. But Jesus gives 3 actions that the paralytic must do: Get up, take his
stretcher, and start walking. With the get up he is telling him that he cannot
continue there abandoned and alone, but that he must get up, get out of that
state of prostration in which the wound of abandonment left him. It takes you
out of the cycle of waiting for someone to pick you up. It takes him out of the
circle of emotional dependence and makes him self-sufficient, empowering him
to stand up on his own feet. So that he can draw on his inner resources and get
up.
It is striking that the second action that Jesus asks of the paralytic is to take
charge of his stretcher. We would have told him, once and for all, throw away
that stretcher on which you felt abandoned and helpless for so many years.
Throw it away because it no longer serves you and it's a bad memory! But Jesus
asks him to take her, not to reject her, to take charge of her and, with her on his
shoulders, to begin walking. With this action of taking his stretcher, Jesus
enables the former paralytic to take his own wound of abandonment in his
hands and walk with it, building a life, taking charge of his story. The stretcher,
the wound, will no longer be a hindrance, but an opportunity for growth.
And the third action that Jesus invites the paralytic to do at the moment of
healing is to “walk.” “walk”, “move”. Jesus no longer wants him prostrate
lamenting, he wants him walking, building, advancing, prospering. Get up, take
your stretcher and walk!”
Prayer moment: At this moment I invite you to live a small moment of prayer.
And in the name of the Lord, I invite you to get up, lift your gaze towards God,
lift your heart towards Him, lift your mind towards holy things and take up your
stretcher. Don't fight with your stretcher, don't deny it, don't want to throw it out
of your life. Take it, accept it and walk with it, in peace and freedom. Take all
those moments in which you have felt and experienced abandonment
throughout your life and give thanks for these wounds that are giving you a
beautiful opportunity to grow in trust and personal security from God.
Can a mother forget the baby she is breastfeeding? Can she stop pitying the
child of her womb? Even if she forgot and abandoned you, I will not forget you,
I will never abandon you, the Lord tells you, in the words of the prophet Isaiah
in chapter 49, 15. Your father, your mother, your husband, your wife, your
children, your grandchildren, your partner, your best friend may have
abandoned you. But God never abandons you, God will never abandon you.
May this song help you pray and live the experience of going to Jesus' lap and
snuggling into him for a moment. With his infinite love, he will heal all the
wounds of abandonment that you have suffered throughout your life and those
that you may be suffering today. Jesus wants to heal you of all fear of being
abandoned, of being abandoned. He will give you such strong internal security
that, at his side, you will always feel safe. (song: like a mother)