TASK 2: Many parents these days work in other countries, taking

their families with them. Do you think the advantages of this

development outweigh its disadvantages?

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It is a trend that today expats prefer bringing their families along to

leaving them behind in their motherland. This has two-sided
effects, but its drawbacks do outstrip the benefits, which is going
to be discussed objectively through this essay.

On the one hand, a significant advantage could be mentioned.

Mothers and fathers who work abroad could be in a better
condition to take care of their offspring without geographical and
time difference. As the birth givers, parents are the most suitable
and tolerant people to raise and nurture their own children,
compared to the carers who take over looking after the young when
their parents are away. (good comparison) This could be seen in
some tragic situations where minors are assaulted and abused
emotionally and physically by their “so-called” guardians in China
or South Korea. Moreover, by living close together, family members
can be each other’s greatest supporters, in terms of sentimental
and physical comfort. This not only brings relatives closer together
but also tightens their relationship when the time comes. (very
good and smooth)

On the other hand, those justifications above pale in comparison

with many other undeniable disadvantages. To begin with, the most
recognizable downside is culture shock. After spending years and
years living in a certain area, movers may find it terrifying to enter a
new world with different food and lifestyle. While some can slowly
cope with the adjustment process, others break down entirely.
(nice) A recent study shows that migrators suffering from
long-lasting culture conflicts without seeking any professional help
are more likely to be depressed and commit suicide. As well as
that, language barriers should also be taken into consideration.
Starting to build a personal network all over again, especially with
communicative difficulties, can be petrifying to newcomers’
 well-being. To give a better idea, one's fear of isolation or being a
“black sheep” in a strange place with unfamiliar faces can easily
lead to domestic disputes and cause family breakdown in the blink
of an eye. (this sounds a bit informal and belongs to the daily
spoken language only).

In conclusion, there is a tendency that overseas workers would

rather bring their families with them, which consists of countless
demerits that outweigh the merits (you should put the “s” here
although we only have one benefit to ensure the parallelism of the
sentence). The profitable point concerning family bonds has been
identified, while there are long-lasting downsides in relation to the
member’s distress in cultural and linguistic barriers. Although
living close together as a family may be profitable, people must
have a wiser method to deal with other shortcomings. (good)

GRADING OF TASK 2
Based on the assessment of Mike Wattie (ex-examiner of IDP) and the public band descriptors of Cambridge

TASK RESPONSE
This criterion assesses
8 ✔️ 250-320 words

how well you have

focused on the topic
✔️ Satisfy all the requirements of the tasks
and answered the
question ✔️ Cover and all parts of the topic and they are responded to well

✔️ Cover all parts of the question and they are responded to well

✔️ Develop main points, along with clear explanations and examples of main
ideas

COHESION & 8 ✔️ Good overall structure

✔️
COHERENCE
The first and final paragraphs clearly introduce and summarize the essay
This criterion assesses

how well you have
structured your essay,
used paragraphing, and
connected your ideas
✔️
Topic sentences introduce paragraphs well/ clear central topic
✔️ Sequence information and ideas logically

✔️ Paragraph development is logical, have a clear progression throughout

✔️ Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately

✔️ Avoid unnecessary repetition of information

 LEXICAL RESOURCE 7 ✔️ Use of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision

✔️
This criterion assesses
your vocabulary in Use less common vocabulary

✔️
terms of errors and also
ability to use more Awareness of style and collocation
advanced language
✔️ Avoid errors with word choices

✔️ Avoid errors with word formation

✔️ Avoid errors with spelling

GRAMMATICAL RANGE & 7 ✔️ Uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms

✔️
ACCURACY
This criterion assesses
Produce error-free sentences
your grammar in terms of
errors and also ability to
use more advanced
sentence structures
✔️ Avoid errors with grammar, punctuation, and articles (a, an, the)

OVERALL 7.5 A very good essay here, all ideas and explanations are well-organized, with proper
grammar and expressions. However, some words seem to be a bit informal, other
things are good.