Journal of LGBT Youth

ISSN: (Print) (Online) Journal homepage: https://www.tandfonline.com/loi/wjly20

Coming out of the desi closet: disclosure of same-

sex sexuality in metropolitan-India

Meghna Achar & Baiju Gopal

To cite this article: Meghna Achar & Baiju Gopal (2021): Coming out of the desi closet:
disclosure of same-sex sexuality in metropolitan-India, Journal of LGBT Youth, DOI:
10.1080/19361653.2021.1958121

To link to this article: https://doi.org/10.1080/19361653.2021.1958121

Published online: 30 Jul 2021.

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Journal of LGBT Youth
https://doi.org/10.1080/19361653.2021.1958121

Coming out of the desi closet: disclosure of same-

sex sexuality in metropolitan-India
Meghna Achar and Baiju Gopal
Department of Psychology, Christ (Deemed to be University), Bengaluru, India

ABSTRACT ARTICLE HISTORY

Coming out of the closet is a psychosocial process that entails Received 10 March 2020
the disclosure of one’s non- heteronormative sexual orientation Revised 9 July 2021
to family, peers, and the wider public – a phenomenon that Accepted 12 July 2021
is necessitated by the prevalence of societal heteronormativity. KEYWORDS
With the recent legal decriminalization of consensual same-sex Coming out of the
sexual relationships in India, there is renewed interest in and closet; same-sex
emergent necessity to expand upon the existing academic sexuality in India;
discourse on the lives, rights, health and well-being of same- disclosure
sex attracted individuals in India. The present study accumu-
lates detailed narratives of disclosure of sexual orientation of
five male and five female young-adults of same-sex sexuality
from ages 18 to 25 in metropolitan cities of India. Thematic
narrative analysis is used to gain insight into the factors of
being “in the closet”, those underlying coming out of the closet,
and the expectations from and impact of coming out to one’s
family. Five major themes have emerged – three restraint fac-
tors and two propulsion factors influencing sexual identity
disclosure. Restraint factors are those that reduce the proba-
bility of coming out and these are – an incessant pressure to
conceal, perceived lack of stability and support, and anticipated
disintegration of long-standing familial tradition. Propulsion
factors act as catalysts of disclosure and these are target con-
geniality i.e. approachability of the target of disclosure, and
parental validation – which, when attained, enables the indi-
vidual to come out more easily to others. The findings have
been critically compared and contrasted with the existing body
of literature in the domain, which sets the agenda for further
inquiry.

Non-heteronormative social discourse in India was, until recently, a matter

of severe proscription stemming from a plethora of factors, ranging from
legislative labeling of same-sex attraction as unnatural, concerns surround-
ing non-heteronormativity being a product of alien western influence, to
qualms relating to degeneration of tradition (Gupta, 2006). The available
statistics on the population of gay people in India states there were about
two and a half million gay people in India (BBC News, 2012). These may
have seeped into academia, for there is a dearth of literature in the domain

CONTACT Meghna Achar meghna.achar@psy.christuniversity.in Department of Psychology, Christ

(Deemed to be University), Bengaluru, India.
© 2021 Taylor & Francis Group, LLC
2 M. ACHAR AND B. GOPAL

of LGBTQ studies in India. A topic that is integral to the study of same-

sex attracted persons is that of coming out of the closet or sexual identity
disclosure. Lesbian and gay Indians or desi – meaning ‘local’ or ‘indigenous’
in the Oxford English Dictionary – same-sex attracted individuals do
disclose their sexual orientation to their family, friends and rarely, the
wider public, but this phenomenon gained immediate and abundant mass
media coverage following the landmark verdict on the amendment of
Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code that decriminalized consensual
same-sex sexual relationships in the country (2018). This provides
the impetus to examine the journey and intricacies of disclosure against
the diverse and age-old cultural backdrop of India i.e. coming out of the
desi closet.
Academia in the west has meticulously examined coming out of the
closet phenomenon, often indexed in feminist literature, queer theoretical
postulations, and the wider discipline of gender studies. Coming out of
the closet is, first and foremost, a collection of psychological experiences
of the individual, therefore making it a crucial topic of study in LGBTQ
psychology – an offshoot of psychology that studies the lives and expe-
riences of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer persons (Clarke
et al., 2010). Structured models and elaborate theories have ensued, but
a chief concern in academia is the suitability of these theoretical propo-
sitions to fundamentally distinct eastern cultures. An equally significant
demand is to gain insight into the subjective internal thought processes
and emotional underpinnings of lesbian and gay persons as they decide
to disclose an integral part of their identity – which is another line of
enquiry to be pursued by this study.

Coming out of the closet – a brief history

Coming out of the closet is the disclosure of one’s sexual identity or sexual
orientation to oneself and/or significant others, or complete public disclo-
sure. Bailey et al. (2016) stated that one’s sexual identity can be used as
a way of thinking of oneself as well as a way of describing oneself to
others (Hoffarth & Hodson, 2017). Sexual orientation refers to who one
is romantically/sexually attracted to. The need for disclosure arises from
heteronormativity of the social setting that the person belongs to or is in.
Although the phrase “coming out of the closet” had been in use since
much earlier, the term was recorded in written form earliest by George
Chauncey in 1994 as an analogy to describe the “introduction of maiden
women” to the world at debutante balls to declare that she is of marriage-
able age. Hence, the earliest meanings of coming out was not likened to
that of leaving a place of shame and cowardice (the closet), but more of
 Journal of LGBT Youth 3

finally entering the world of one’s peers, thereby joining a larger commu-
nity of gay individuals (Okrent, 2013).
Historically, the lesbian and gay Indian diaspora developed a clear-cut
sense on sexual identity. Self-identified gay, lesbian and bisexual men and
women founded self-help groups and organizations – such as Kush in
Canada, Trikone in the US, and Shakti in the UK – and brought back
home their new enlightened selves and sense of labeled identities to India
– but accessible only to a privileged class of Indians who could understand
English. South Asian academicians expressed fear that such immigration
of Western conceptualisations of ‘coming out’ and same-sex attraction can
create social tension and potentially destroy preexisting “homoaffectionalist
and homosocial structures” (Khan, 2001).

Conative and affective aspects of non-disclosure and coming out

Coming out is a gradual psychological process for the individual and is
often enmeshed with the individual’s sexual identity development, which
requires one to come out to oneself or “come in” (Rosenberg, 2018). In
a study conducted by Anthony D’Augelli and Hershberger (1993) to com-
prehend the challenges faced by persons of alternative sexual orientations
and accompanying mental health problems, the average age of first aware-
ness of sexual identity was ascertained to be 10 years and of the first
coming out as 16 years. The age of sexual identity awareness and disclosure
has reduced significantly in the past decade (McDermott, 2016). According
to Kreiss and Patterson (as cited in Pediatrics & Child Health journal in
2008), gay and lesbian adults claim their adolescence to be a time of great
psychological turmoil fueled by identity crises.
This necessitates the target population of the current study.
Lesbian and gay individuals claimed to undergo feelings of alienation,
insecurity, shame, nervousness, and discomfort in the pre-disclosure period,
rooted in a sense of uncertainty about the target’s reaction. Engaging in
secretive and hyper-vigilant behavior takes a toll on mental health (Savage,
2011). Internalized homonegativity is pervasive in the lesbian and gay
community (Boe et al., 2018; Pistella et al., 2016; Radonsky & Borders, 1996).
Closeted same-sex attracted persons experience a sense of self-acceptance
(Guittar, 2013), relief, pride and “liberation especially after coming out to
one’s parents” (Perrin-Wallqvist & Lindblom, 2015) in instances where
parents received their disclosures positively. It is also considered that the
coming out process goes beyond being shaped by one’s personality traits
(Radonsky & Borders, 1996).
Coming out involves disclosure of sexual identity through varied, cus-
tomized acts – which include direct verbal disclosure (Villicana et al.,
4 M. ACHAR AND B. GOPAL

2016), or indirect disclosure through mediums such as writing letters

(Griffin, 2014; Ray, 2018), or using a social media platform such as online
chat rooms (Thomas et al., 2007), Facebook (Duguay, 2016) or YouTube
(Lovelock, 2019).

Personalized meanings of coming out – the essentiality of narratives

Coming out means different things to different individuals, and people
have varying expectations from the process and its consequences. The
very existence of having personalized definitions of coming out, what it
means to be “closeted” or “out”, and assuming that coming out is a western
concept that holds little or vastly different meaning across cultures, cul-
minates in the need for narratives. In many a qualitative study of sexual
identity disclosure, respondents refer to it as a way of telling their story
(Guittar, 2013). Narratives help highlight the contextual factors involved
in shaping the disclosure process, thereby highlighting the need for a
culture-specific analysis of the phenomenon (Klein et al., 2015).

Culture specificity of coming out

Certain forms of reactions to the coming out of same-sex attracted persons
are universal.
However, individual narratives are composed of certain experiences that
emerge solely due to the specific set of norms prevailing in one’s cultural
backdrop, which often mold feelings and decisions in the pre-disclosure
period, such as alienation (Perrin-Wallqvist & Lindblom, 2015).
Research on the coming out process have been carried out in collec-
tivistic societies like Japan, China and Taiwan, that highlights the differ-
ences in conceptions of sexual identity between individualist and collectivist
societies (Jhang, 2018; Tamagawa, 2018), such as the “coming with” model
of sexual identity disclosure in China i.e. integration of one’s familial/
cultural identity with their sexual identity (Huang & Brouwer, 2018).
In India, one of the very few contemporary works in this domain is
Dr Ketki Ranade’s “Growing up Gay In Urban India: A Critical Psychosocial
Perspective” – a study of psychological experiences of LGBTQ persons
growing up in Pune and Mumbai in the 1980s and 90 s. They adopted
narratives to gain insight into same-sex sexual identity development and
contrasted it against heterosexual identity development (Kewalramani, 2018;
Ranade, 2018).
They stress upon the need for future research to understand socio-cul-
tural and psychological realities of LGBTQ persons across their lifespan.
In a 2016 study in India, men who have sex with men (MSM) – who
 Journal of LGBT Youth 5

run a high risk of contracting HIV – reported that social support is

manifested by peer and kin relationships, and romantic partnerships, the
strength of which is mediated by apprehension stemming from disclosure
of same-sex behavior and HIV-positive status (Tomori et al., 2016).
It is essential to study the phenomenon of coming out of the desi closet
for enabling social advocacy for the same-sex attracted community’s welfare
and access to physical and mental health. An intimate understanding of
the disclosure process is essential for effective psychotherapy in clinical
settings by catering to the diverse needs of this community, aptly phrased
by Rao and Jacob (2012):
There is a dearth of Indian psychiatric literature that has systematically investigated
issues related to same-sex sexuality. Data on prevalence, emotional problems faced
and support groups and clinical services available are sparse.

Research into these issues is crucial for increasing our understanding

of the local and regional context related to sexual behavior, and identity
in India.
In the present study, first-person narratives have been procured to gain
insight into feelings, expectations, predicaments and reactions encountered
and experienced by same-sex attracted young adults before, during and
after coming out to family members. These personal accounts have been
analyzed with the attempt to develop a culture-specific perspective of
coming out of the closet in metropolitan India, simultaneously trying to
keep intact the subjective quintessence of each participant.
Therefore, the objectives of the current study are as follows: (i) to study
the psycho-social factors underlying being “in the closet”; (ii) to study
the psycho-social factors underlying coming out of the closet; (iii) to gain
insight into the expectations from and impact of coming out to one’s family.

Method
Narratives (data) were systematically collected from each participant, and
themes were generated based on meticulous thematic analysis of the data
to find key elements of the coming out phenomenon in India, and to
identify relationships among these elements. An interpretative phenome-
nological approach was not used as we wished to avoid imposing our own
interpretive framework on the experiences of the participants.

Participants

The sample is comprised of ten individuals who self-identify as lesbian

(five) and gay (five). Participants ranged in age from 18 to 25 (M = 21,
6 M. ACHAR AND B. GOPAL

SD = 1.89). Participants are of Indian origin. Six participants are Hindus

and four are Christians. States of origin include Karnataka, West Bengal,
Meghalaya, Madhya Pradesh and Kerala. Participants represented a range
of occupations, including students, a teacher, an IT professional, sportsper-
son, and social media marketer.

Procedure

Participants were recruited via maximum variation purposive and snowball

sampling strategies. The first author sought four participants who met
the inclusion criteria in her university via a social media announcement.
Following this she was directed to the rest of the participants through
referrals from the first four participants. The criteria for participation
were as follows: self-identified same-sex attracted individuals, aged from
18 to 25 years, having lived in Bengaluru or any Indian metropolitan city
for at least one year, and who have come out to a sibling and/or parent(s).
Two out of the ten participants were interviewed over the telephone, while
the rest were interviewed face-to-face – all by the first author. Participants
provided their written informed consent and demographic details.
Interviews were semi-structured, conducted by the first author for approx-
imately 45 minutes to one hour each. Interviews were audio-recorded.
Participant debriefing was conducted following the data collection. They
were not compensated for their participation. With the repeated emergence
of similar themes – for themes one (incessant pressure to conceal), three
(anticipated disintegration of long-standing tradition) and five (parental
validation) in the interview data and with references to the reflexive diary
maintained, theoretical saturation was achieved at a sample size of ten
participants.
The study was approved by the Institutional Ethics Review Board of
Christ (Deemed to be University), Bengaluru, Karnataka, India. The nar-
rative interview schedule was developed on the basis of the reviewed
literature, research objectives and expert advice. The major domains and
corresponding lines of enquiry are delineated in Table 1.

Data analysis

Following the procurement of the participants’ narratives, each audio

recording was transcribed verbatim, and the transcribed reports were
checked against the audio recordings to ensure accuracy. These were
then examined to identify smaller narratives – each of which was further
analyzed to extract themes. NVivo 10, a qualitative data analysis com-
puter software package developed by QSR International was used to
 Journal of LGBT Youth 7

Table 1. Major domains, lines of enquiry and sample questions from the interview
schedule.
Domain Lines of Enquiry Sample Questions
Opening Rapport-building Early childhood Tell me about yourself.
questions experiences What was your childhood like? Could you
Relationship with parents and take me through it?
nature of caregiving What kind of roles do your father/mother/
Socio-cultural background sibling play at home in caregiving?
Could you tell me about the religious and
other traditional values that describe your
family best? What do you feel about them?
Focused life Peers and schooling experiences Can you take me through your adolescent years?
history Adolescence What are your first experiences of feeling
Sexual exploration Romantic attracted to someone?
relationship(s) How did you explore your sexuality further?
Can you tell me the story of your first same
sex relationship?
Coming Out Coming out to self Why did you feel like you needed to tell
Process Coming out to peers someone?
Coming out to family Who did you decide to say it to? Why?
Can you tell me the story of coming out to
your parent/sibling? How did they respond?
Aftermath of Impact of response of target of How did you feel after coming out?
Coming Out disclosure Has coming out affected your relationship
Reflections on the coming out with your family?
process and its impact on In what way did the coming out experience
one’s identity help/not help you become the person you
Necessity of coming out are today?
To what extent does your sexual identity help
define you?

develop the codes. Data was analyzed by the first author. Thematic
analysis (Braun & Clarke, 2006) of the narratives was executed – to
identify and extract units of meaning and emotion from the phrases
uttered and ideas expressed in each of the stories. Meticulous examina-
tion of the entire data set was carried out to optimally identify patterns
and emerging themes. The resultant codes were a combination of both
pre- determined codes based on the reviewed literature and novel emer-
gent ones from data analysis. Similar codes were categorized under a
theme. Multiple such groupings facilitated the construction of an elab-
orate thematic framework. The themes that did not fit in with the data
set or emerging themes were either refined or discarded. The themes in
the framework were named and defined by the researcher to retain the
essence of each.
The resulting themes, on the basis of the framework, were labeled as
basic, organizing or global themes, and incorporated into the hierarchical
thematic framework, which was visualized in the form of a network illus-
tration. Finally, to elaborate upon the network and signifying relationships,
excerpts corresponding to each theme were extracted and presented.
Probing was used as an additional tool for clarification and confirmation.
A reflexive diary was also maintained to encapsulate field experiences and
reflections.
8 M. ACHAR AND B. GOPAL

Results
This qualitative study seeks to inquire into the psychological factors that
underlie the experiences of same-sex attracted young-adults in India,
revolving around non-disclosure of sexual orientation and the process of
coming out to family, peers and the wider public. The participants were
five men and five women of a mean age of 21 years, hailing from five
states of India, living in/having lived in an Indian metropolitan city for
one year at minimum. The participants’ names have been changed in the
following excerpts to protect their identity.
Specific restraint and propulsion factors emerged from analysis – those
that constrain one from disclosing and those that act as motivating factors
for disclosure. Five major themes were identified: incessant pressure to
conceal, perceived lack of stability and support, anticipated disintegration
of long-standing tradition, target congeniality, and parental validation.
These are illustrated by a thematic network in Figure 1.

Incessant pressure to conceal

Across participants, a common retrospective claim was a need for secrecy

– a drive to censor one’s behavior that may be deemed inappropriate or
stereotypically gay. When probed further, participants attributed this
impulse’s origins as a means to prevent and avoid labels and social judg-
ment. Bullying and fear of abuse are portrayed in Gagan’s (age 18, male)
testimonial:

Figure 1. Thematic network representing the major themes pertaining to results of the study.
 Journal of LGBT Youth 9

I never used the washroom. Because, when I was in second grade…until second
grade I used the washroom that was meant for the kids. Okay? Once I was there
and some seniors came and they put my pants down. [They] wanted to check if
I was actually a boy [down] there. Okay? And then they start laughing and all of
that. Obviously, it was really traumatising for me. It’s bullying and I could never
take that incident out of my mind. And I just felt if I’ll go inside again, the same
thing might happen to me again. Because it’s guys. When I was in corridors, they
used to whistle, they used to say things which is so unnecessary.

Anisa(age 25, female), who hails from a north-east Indian tribal

community, was outed by her school authorities to her family and she
was harshly beaten by her aunt, which still makes her apprehensive
about “officially” coming out to her mother. Suraj (age 22, male) reported
that in school, “a lot of people were aware of the term ‘gay’ and started
using it against me”, and Gagan (age 18, male) who reported that,
because he danced kathak and behaved a “certain way”, he was chided
by peers and teachers who said, “You only dance, the dance form that
you choose to do are what stereotypically dance-form that girls do.” His
dance skills would be underappreciated because of the “female nature”
of his movements. He was labeled by his mathematics teacher, narrated
as follows:
So there was this, there was my maths teacher in my eighth grade who used to
call me nachaniya [female dancer] just because I used to dance…And, so there
were multiple incidents where he called me nachaniya in front of the whole class…
Coaches have always had this thing against me, because I was never a person who
played sports. It doesn’t…come naturally to me at all. And so…I never played
sports. They always used to force me to play sports. Because they used to say,
“agar tum nahi kheloge to tum waise ho jaoge” [if you don’t play, you will become
“like that”].

Internalised homonegativity was another factor identified as a cause for concealment,

as reported by participants like Shonali(age 20, female), “for the longest time I did
tell myself, ‘Wait, this isn’t right’…I would tell myself this isn’t right, you can’t, like,
this is probably not the way you should do it”, and Deepa (age 19, female) who
stated, “I didn’t [tell anyone] because I was very embarrassed. I was embarrassed
because I had sexual feelings [for girls] and that is wrong. Religious aunties and
uncles told me it is wrong and I believed it wholly.”

The limiting effects of coming out and non-heteronormative sexual

orientation emerged as a theme – where participants felt that by coming
out, people around them reduce them to nothing but their sexual orien-
tation, a frail caricature or stereotype of same-sex sexuality, which prevents
them from wanting to disclose. Teresa (age 21, female) said, “I am still
called the lesbian emcee or the lesbian dancer and…I’m like that’s when
I realised it’s not really fair to label, you know, people… just based on
their sexuality.”
10 M. ACHAR AND B. GOPAL

Perceived lack of stability and support

A dearth of stability – in personal, financial and/or relationship spheres

– and fear of loss of social support acted as strong restraint factors for
all participants. For instance, Teresa (age 21, female) reported that cur-
rently, only her caregiving is the responsibility of her parents – mainly,
financial support. Hence, like Suraj (age 22, male), Manansh (age 20,
male), Anisa (age 25, female), and Trinetri (age 24, female), until she
attains financial security, she will keep her sexual identity from them. She
states this: “Because I’m–monetary benefits and I think…um…like even
if they had to kick me out, at this point they might not be able to. So I
want to give them the freedom to kick me out and like, stay away from
me for a while and then call me back.”
A few participants like Suraj (age 22, male) and Deepa (age 19, female)
believe that they will be ready to come out only after they cement their
sexual identity with a fulfilling romantic relationship. As phrased by the
former: “And I always think about it– public coming out, I’ll– one day,
I’ll get a guy. I’ll kiss him and put up a post about it. Put a Whitney
Houston caption, what’s that—’I’m coming out!’ and shit. All that I think
I will do one day. So [I will feel] stronger knowing that I have my partner
to face all that will follow.”

Anticipated disintegration of long-standing tradition

Fear of dismantling family tradition and values was extracted as a theme,

in which participants reminisced how they decided to keep secret their
sexual orientation for not wanting to feel responsible for the degeneration
of their familial expectations pertaining to tradition.
Kanan (age 24, male) stated the following: “These people are extremely
conservative and aren’t very accepting of this and are not introduced to
it. They never brushed that culture ever. If I told them…their world would
break, and crash. They would not understand and I would be responsible…
[for] making our culture impure [they] would say. So that’s the case with
me right now. So I want them, but I want a part of that bubble…so it is
unfortunate.” Manansh (age 20, male) talked about fear of disappointing
his parents: “But I kind of, like, felt like I would be letting my parents
down and stuff like that and those are the thoughts that plagued me.”
Teresa stated, “Telling them [my parents] would mean the death of their
dreams for me – of arranged Christian marriage and grandchildren and
all that.”
Preservation of the status quo is another factor – fear of breaking or
disrupting the way everything has been going for a long time. Deepa (age
 Journal of LGBT Youth 11

19, female) decided to not come out to her mother because of this reason
– Right now, I can’t even mention sexuality. And if I even tell them I’m
gay, they’ll lock me away from girls as well. So like, I can’t bring friends
over. They’ll lock me and I’ll feel like Rapunzel in the tower. Things are
bad now, but telling them…it would become worse. I would lose every-
thing I have now also.
This denotes that she has made peace with the way things are currently,
for the fear of it becoming worse if she actually came out, as Kanan (age
24, male) says, “It’s like an unspoken deal between my father and I…he
knows about my life here and my liking for men but I won’t discuss this
any further with him. Or bring it up with others in my family…I don’t
want to rock my boat too hard. It’s fine as it is.”

Target congeniality

This is one of the two propulsion factors that have emerged as themes in
this study. When probed regarding what was it that made the participants
feel like coming out to someone, the following themes emerged. Most
participants attributed congeniality as a trait they saw in female figures
in their life.
Idolization of certain life figures in early childhood promoted congeni-
ality of a target. For instance, Suraj (age 22, male) speaks about how he
has been surrounded by very “strong” female role models such as his
mother and his aunt:
I really love girls, dude. Not like sexually, but love them. The kind of power they
have and everything about them. Because I’ve grown up seeing women like that
– my mom! She took charge of everything. My sister, my mom’s sisters…I could
be myself with [them]…no fear of them hurting [me] for who I was, you know?

That is why I feel like I can easily tell girls about me being gay.
Ronak (age 23, male), who grew up in a Bengali Shaktha family, and
exposed to Durga (female Indian deity) worship reports this:
So like, since [I was] a very young child, whenever people used to give like a[n
activity to] draw… the first thing I would draw is Durga ma. Like, I was…how
many times I’ve drawn Durga ma! Yeah, I mean, I was so fascinated by the concept
of such a powerful woman, like ten arms - she was my superhero growing up. I
learnt so much about her, like from everywhere, I just keep asking more and more.
The women [I] grew up around reminded [me] of her – strength and tend[er] love
– to always be there for me no matter what.

Positive first experience of coming out played a crucial role in disso-

lution of the anxiety that accompanies coming out to someone. For
instance, in Manansh (age 20, male), Ronak (age 23, male), Teresa (age
12 M. ACHAR AND B. GOPAL

21, female), and Suraj’s (age 22, male) stories, the first family member
they came out to were patient, kind, and expressed the desire to know
more about same-sex attraction, as phrased by Gagan (age 18, male):
So I had my coming out planned. So Plan A worked! So no need for Plan B. She
was very cool with it. But she had a lot of questions! And I was ready to answer
all of them. And I answered all the questions. So we talked till six in the morning.
She didn’t sleep, I didn’t sleep…I told her everything. Then I had the plan to make
her watch Satyameva Jayate. So there’s this episode about alternative sexualities. It’s
an amazing…I had this plan– I knew if I had to make her understand this better I
had to show her that episode. So the next day…we watched that episode, and she
understood it even better. And now I talk to her about this very casually.

Unhindered display of positive regard can be most aptly conveyed

through Kanan’s (age 24, male) description of his father’s response: “He
talks to me. He always tells me that you are my priority. And no matter
what, you are the only priority. That is good.”

Parental validation

Participants stated that they felt “strong” and ready to “tell the world”
(Ronak, age 23, male) after coming out to a family member. They felt
that they could now explore their world better with freedom and hope
after feeling accepted and loved by family for who they are. Suraj (age
22, male) stated this: “Mom knows enough. I don’t care about anybody
else.” Trinetri (age 24, female) claims the following:
It felt [like] such a relief! It felt like there was so much load, so much luggage
on my shoulders which I was carrying since seventh grade. And it’s all off my
shoulders and on the ground…It was just so stress-relieving. So happy! So much
to look forward to now because I was finally me.

One key component of the power of parental validation is a feeling of

fusion of the dual lives they felt like they were leading prior to disclosure,
as phrased by Gagan (age 18, male): So, it’s always…see. I was living two
lives. I felt, before coming out to my parents especially. Because I had a
college life, where most of the people knew that I was gay. Where I lived
a lifestyle which I wanted to live. But I could not live that lifestyle in
front of my parents, because they did not know. But when I came out to
them, I felt like I had nothing to hide now. My life was finally mine and
no one else’s, you know.
Manansh (age 20, male) also stated that he has “always been good at
denial”, and coming out of the closet ensued fusion in this manner: “The
things that I was ignoring…[I] accept[ed] all of them for who I am right
now. I could be me – the real me – in front of everybody [because] my
mom and sister finally knew and that’s all that matters, ya?”
 Journal of LGBT Youth 13

Discussion
The present study attempts to examine the psychological factors that
underlie non- disclosure of sexual orientation and coming out of the closet
of young-adult same-sex attracted persons in India. Five major themes
emerged revolving around what restrains same-sex attracted young-adults
from disclosing and propels them to disclose their sexual orientation to
their family and peers. First, there are testimonies of an incessant pressure
to conceal one’s sexual orientation and behavior, rooted in anticipated and
actual discrimination, internalized homonegativity and limiting effects of
coming out. Conscious concealment, such as monitoring one’s speech and
behavior, or even altering one’s behavior altogether, can take a toll on the
individual’s cognitive resources, preventing them from performing optimally
(Critcher & Ferguson, 2014).
Concealment can also be in terms of monitoring one’s actions that are
gender non-conforming, which is a protective strategy against “family- and
community-level disapproval, harassment, violence, and exclusion” (Tomori
et al., 2018) – an idea that corresponds to the theme of anticipated dis-
crimination. A study conducted in 2016 elaborated on how lower the level
of internalized stigma is, higher are the chances of coming out of the
closet, especially to family members (Pistella et al., 2016). Thus, our study
shows that despite legislative reform and an ancient religious and cultural
history that repeatedly mentions and accepts same-sex sexuality, the highly
prevalent prejudice in modern day India prevents lesbian and gay youth
from disclosing their sexual identity. There is a deep-rooted “fear of being
found out” (Bhugra, 1997). This can have detrimental health implications
pertaining to safe sex, contraception and HIV/AIDS (Agoramoorthy &
Minna, 2007).
When the limiting nature of coming out is examined, parallels may be
drawn from Cass’s 1984 revised Sexual Identity Development Model (Cass,
1984), where the final stage is “Identity Synthesis”, very similar to “Identity
Integration” stage from Coleman’s model (1982), in which the person
realizes that their sexual orientation is only a part of their overall identity
as an individual. Both these models essentially emphasize the need to
achieve the milestones of the previous stages as pre-requisite to move to
the next stage. However, many participants in the current study reached
the Identity Integration stage by skipping over intermediate stages such
as “First Relationship”, or even coming out for that matter. This highlights
a few inconsistencies in the aforementioned models of sexual identity
development and coming out with respect to the Indian experience of the
same – which appear to be more fluid.
The theme of lack of stability and support emphasizes the participants’
desire to attain some level of stability – financial, social, or
14 M. ACHAR AND B. GOPAL

self-confirmatory – in order to be able to disclose. This seeking of stable

romantic relationships is supported by studies which state that sexual
minority women in India find their intimate partners to be their primary
source of support and actively seek them for the same reasons (Bowling
et al., 2018). This evidence correspond to multiple global theoretical pos-
tulations regarding decision making aspects of sexual identity disclosure.
Coming out to parents is more likely and deemed easier by the individual
when they were in a stable relationship, due to additional emotional and
financial security provided by the partner (Pistella et al., 2016). The theme
of financial insecurity raises an urgent issue of the unaffordability of
mental health resources for lesbian and gay persons in the Indian health
scenario. There is also a dearth of LGBT-affirmative mental health prac-
titioners, further depleting the lesbian and gay Indian youth’s access to
wellbeing and increasing the risk of self-harm and suicide (Daigavane &
Das, 2020).
The theme of anticipated disintegration of tradition comprises of the
fear of dismantling familial values, an aspect of non-disclosure that is
unique to collectivist Eastern communities. Chadda and Deb (2013) state
that “Indian ethos of maintaining “family harmony” and absolute “obedi-
ence to elderly” are often used to suppress the younger members” and
there is a growing resentment in the youth which, in the absence of civil
resolution, manifests in the form of mental illness. This implies that same-
sex attracted Indian youth deliberating whether or not to come out in
fear of irreversibly injuring familial sentiment are highly susceptible to
mental illness. This affirms the necessity for cultural competence of mental
health practitioners handling cases of lesbian and gay Indian youth, and
sensibly and sensitively incorporating family therapy and psychoeducation
of family of same-sex attracted youth.
The theme of target congeniality, where perception of the desired reac-
tions to coming out and the origins of the same were looked into. Through
Bhugra’s 1997 study on being a gay man in India, it can be understood
how positive responses from the first family member they came out to
helped them disclose to more people. He states that “the absence of exist-
ing role models and cultural values” played a role in negative reactions
from family to disclosure. But, in the current study, over two decades
later, we see that Indian cultural values in metropolitan India have under-
gone tremendous change, and there is a high-profile media discourse on
same-sex sexuality, which further promotes target congeniality. Idolization
and availability of role models – especially when role models are the
targets of disclosure themselves - act as catalysts for identity development
as well as enhancement of target congeniality (Lockwood & Kunda, 1997).
Rogerian traits of unconditional positive regard and empathy (Rogers,
 Journal of LGBT Youth 15

1986) are necessitated for target congeniality – which further emphasizes

the traits that need to be possessed by LGBT-affirmative therapists in India.
With regard to the theme of parental validation – often, lesbian and
gay individuals, despite having disclosed their sexual identities on online
forums, feel like they are “leading double lives” (Thomas et al., 2007)
because they have not yet come out to significant persons in their life.
The spurt of feelings of hope and freedom can be attributed to the “secure
base” (Ainsworth et al., 2015) – in the attachment theory propounded by
Mary Ainsworth – provided by the parent/sibling upon positively respond-
ing to disclosure.
Validation and acceptance from primary attachment figures seem to act
as a propelling factor – enabling lesbian and gay youth to feel confident
about their sexual identities and to explore their world with lessened fear
of rejection and need to conceal their identities.
Major health implication of the restraint factors of coming out can be
explained using the Minority Stress Theory which posits that challenging
and oppressive social situations leads to chronic stress in members of
minority groups, which accumulates and culminates in deterioration of their
physical and mental health (Dohrenwend, 2000). The findings of the current
study are further explained by the presence of distal stressors, external to
the individual (lack of stability and support) and proximal stressors, an
internal side effect of distal stressors (incessant pressure to conceal).
Thus, it is evident that despite legislative validation that has been granted
to the lesbian and gay community in India, the acceptance of normalcy
of same sex sexualities have not yet seeped into the everyday lives of
Indian households. The incessant pressure to conceal and fear of discrim-
ination and physical harm is very closely linked to unsafe sexual activity
amongst the Indian same-sex attracted youth. This further justifies the
need for widespread awareness campaigns that incorporate the idea of
alternate sexualities being an inherent part of age-old Indian culture
(Tiwari, 2010) and that it is not alien or “western”. Most importantly, these
findings should help guide Indian mental health practitioners about the
contexts, expectations, outcomes and reactions in relation to sexual identity
disclosure of desi same-sex attracted person – how essential it is to involve,
engage and educate the families of clients about how their provision of a
safe, accepting environment can enable their lesbian and gay family mem-
ber to lead healthier and mentally sound lives.

Limitations, implications and future directions

Findings of the present study help gain insight into the tumultuous expe-
riences of same- sex attracted young-adults who endeavor to disclose
16 M. ACHAR AND B. GOPAL

their sexual orientation to their family, peers and wider public. However,
there may be a few inconsistencies due to the inclusion of both lesbian
women and gay men, because certain experiences between the two groups
might be starkly different due to their assigned sex. Recall bias of the
participants may also contribute to narrative inconsistencies. The explor-
atory nature of the current study may have led to inadequacy or error.
The present data provides information for future quantitative and
qualitative studies that may explore deeper, more detailed components
of sexual identity disclosure. There is scope to study the process and
outcomes of coming out to a parent in relation to Ainsworth’s attachment
theory. Future research could also look into therapy experiences of les-
bian and gay Indians and the need for LGBT-affirmative mental health
resources in India. The very interdisciplinary nature of the study denotes
the potential for further research in the domain of LGBTQ psychology
in India.

Notes on contributor
Ms. Meghna Achar was a postgraduate student of Masters in Psychology (Clinical) pro-
gram at Christ (Deemed to be University) in Bengaluru, India. She is currently an M.Phil.
in Clinical Psychology trainee at National Institute of Mental Health and Neuro Sciences
in Bengaluru, India.
Dr. Baiju Gopal is an Associate Professor at the Department of Psychology and Christ
(Deemed to be University).

ORCID

Meghna Achar http://orcid.org/0000-0002-3724-9868

Baiju Gopal http://orcid.org/0000-0001-8191-7045

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