Even before i got to the graveyard, I couldn't hold back my tears.

I sat on the
bus with a hand-picked bouquet of daisies in one hand and a letter in the other.
Daisies were george's favorite flower. They reminded me of him. Every time i saw
one, guilt would overcome me. On that day, i made a big step.
In the middle of my bus ride, i was thinking of how this would affect me. I
thought about going back so many times, but i went too far to give in now.
I got off the bus. It took me a few minutes to prepare myself and go in, and when
i did go in, i was once again overcome by guilt. I didn't even know where his grave
was. A cherry blossom tree caught my eye. I read the names on every grave before i
got to the tree, under which lay my brother. It was too late to turn back.
I sat down on the bright green grass. I spent a few minutes just sitting there
and looking at all the dandelions in the grass to distract myself.
I hesitantly unfolded the piece of paper in my hands, took a deep breath and put
it on the grass. I was going to speak to my brother from the heart.
"I genuinely don't know how to do this, but i think i should start by apologizing
for never being here with you. When you left, it was hard to live in a world
without you. You were always there for me, and the one time you needed me, i
couldn't be there for you. I've been blaming myself for everything. Everyday, i
would wake up and everything would hurt... i didn't want to leave bed. The times i
would dream about you being back kept me going, and i would still wake up crying
every day when i woke up and you weren't there. Xander is still the same as ever,
but i know he was hurting for a long time as well. You wont believe the shit he
pulled on halloween, And sarah... oh my god... sarah. Now shes gone too, and
finding out about it just made everything i felt when you left come back to me and
it hit me so hard i thought i would never be able to stand up again, but look, here
i am, george!"- I said with a smile on my face, despite the tears dripping down my
face.-"nobody believes me. I know theres a pattern. That fucking crescent moon,
again. It haunts me to this day. I just wish... I wish you were here to help me.
You always knew what to do. Maybe im just not fit to survive in a world like
this."-I sighed -"Whatever's going on, I'll get to the bottom of it. I'll find out
who's behind this and I'll make them pay, but in the meantime, i promise to never
try to forget you, ever again."
I don't know why, but it felt right to kiss the ground before leaving him again.
If only life was like a fairytale, where you could bring people back if you cried
hard enough.
For the first time in a year, I felt as if i had finally accomplished something. I
felt happier. However, that was the calm before the storm.