DEATH AND BEREAVEMENT

Death is the end of life and occurs when vital organs, cells and tissues of the body stop
functioning.

Bereavement means a feeling of grief or sorrow you feel for a time after a loved one has
died. During this period one mourns and feels a number of emotions or even lack of
emotions.

CAUSE OF DEATH
Diseases and conditions of in patients are the common causes of death’s in Botswana. The
diseases that cause many deaths include tuberculosis, pneumonia, diarrhoea and
gastroenteritis. Conditions such as stroke, anaemia, septicaemia also cause many deaths.
Road accidents are the second major cause of deaths. Murder, suicide and natural causes
such as old age, earthquakes are also significant causes of death.

THE EFFECTS OF DEATH ON THE BEREAVED, FAMILY AND SOCIETY

1. TO THE BEREAVED FAMILY
A. Loss of breadwinner

The family may become poor if the person who has died was the main breadwinner, for
example, they may not be able to afford the basic needs of life.

B. Emotional pain, stress

The loss of a family member due to death brings shock, trauma, confusion, sadness and
sorrow to the bereaved family. The emotional stress may overwhelm some family members
and make them to become suicidal.

C. Orphan hood

In families with dual parents, the death of both parents result in orphanhood, while in single
parent families, the death of a parent results in orphanhood. This leaves children to fend
for themselves. Sometimes other family members such as grandparents, uncles and aunts
have to take care of them. They have to use their own resources to take care of them.
Some relatives may feel that the orphans are a burden and may not be willing to take care
of them. Others may abuse them physically, emotionally and sexually. Relatives have also
been known to take away any property and money left behind by their deceased parents.

D. Conflict between family members

Family members may start fighting over the deceased’s property especially when he or she
did not leave a will. Sometimes even if there is a will, some family members may question
the validity of the will because the will does not include them as beneficiaries.

More recently, there have been fights over the corpse. Family members fight over where
to bury happens between the parents of the deceased and the deceased spouse. Though
death is a natural phenomenon, very few people accept it as such when it strikes in their

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family. They always want to blame someone as the cause of the death. As such, tensions
between family members may arise especially when one of them is accused of being
responsible for causing the death.

E. Financial strain on the family

Some family members do not have funeral insurance to pay for the cost of the funeral, as a
result the deceased’s family may have to borrow money or use money budgeted for
something else towards funeral expenses.

F. Change of social status

As a result of the death of a spouse, the status of the remaining spouse changes. A married
woman becomes a widow and a married man becomes a widower. When both parents die,
their children becomes orphans.

G. Poverty

When the breadwinner dies, the family usually experiences problems of money. The family
now fails to meet its own basic needs sometimes even if it is not the breadwinner who has
died, the family becomes impoverished. The week long mourning periods usually associated
with deaths, drain the resources of the family leaving it living in fringes. Some families buy
expensive caskets, thus further driving the family into poverty.

2. TO THE SOCIETY
A. Emotional effects

Members of the society maybe emotionally affected by the death of a person who was well
known, popular and cared by the society such as the president, a kgosi or musician.

B. Loss of educated and skilled people

The government spends a lot of money educating and training people so that they can help
develop the country. The government has to spend more money educating and training
people to replace them. This takes time and their work experience cannot easily be
replaced, for example it takes at least seven years to train a medical doctor.

C. Decline on food production

If most of the people are dying are farmers and farm workers, this may lead to a decline in
food production. Families may not have enough people to grow food.

D. Break up of families

Death of parents can lead to the breakup of families as their children are taken by different
relatives, adopted or taken to orphanages. Brothers and sisters end up growing up in
different households.

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E. Creation of child headed household

After the death of their parents, sometimes no one is willing to take care of orphans. As a
result, the oldest child becomes the head of the household and becomes responsible for
raising his/her younger brother’s and sister’s. Such a child is often forced to drop out of
school. The child may turn to prostitution and other criminal activities in order to earn
money to support the family.

F. Problem of caring for orphans

The society helps care for orphans by supporting families and orphanages that care for
orphans. For example, the government of Botswana provides orphans with a food basket
every month, that is school uniform and transport money to school. They are also
exempted from paying s school fees, some non governmental organisations have
established centres that take care of the orphans. The centres are supported through
donations in cash and in kind made by members of the society.

G. Conflicts within the society

The death of a leader may lead to disputes. For instance in Botswana, some ethnic groups
have experienced conflicts over who is the rightful heir to be installed as the new kgosi.

H. Increase in poverty

When breadwinners die, families may become poorer. If many families become poorer
because of the death of their breadwinners, the level of poverty in the society increases.
Government social welfare services have to support many more people and the country’s
financial resources.

I.Population decrease

When the death rate is higher than the birth rate the population decreases because there
are fewer people being born to replace those who have died.

THE ATTITUDE OF COMMUNITIES TOWARDS DEATH

The attitude of a community towards death is about the way the community feels, thinks or
behaves towards death. A community’s attitude towards death may be influenced by the
people’s religious beliefs and cultural traditions.

a. Although people know they will die one day, some fear death and are reluctant to think
about their own death. As a result, they are not prepared to discuss what should happen to
their property when they die or save money for the cost of their funeral.

b. The dead are treated with respect and dignity. Death is usually marked by funeral
ceremonies and rituals that allow the deceased’s family, friends and the community to
formally say farewell to the dead person.

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c. Many communities think death as being the end of life on earth. The spirits of the dead
live on. This is why in African Traditional Religion there is a belief in Ancestral spirits or
badimo. The badimo are the spirits of people who died a long time ago but are believed to
influence the lives of the living. Christians also believe in life after death. They believe that
there is eternal life and that the souls of the dead people end up in heaven or in hell.

d. In many communities, death is accepted as inevitable because every life ends in death. In
particular, communities really accepts the death of people in certain situations, for example,

-When a person dies due to old age, usually the community accepts that nobody lives
forever and they may even celebrate the person’s life.

- When a person is very ill and there is no hope of recovery, people may welcome the death
of the person because they feel that death puts an end to his or her suffering and pain.
They believe it enables the dead person to rest.

e. Most communities regret and express deep sorrow of the death of children and young
adults. This is because the continued existence of the community depends on a large extent
on the younger generation outliving the older generation. People may also feel it is against
order of nature, older people are expected to die first and parents to be buried by their
children, not parents burying their children.

f. In some communities, people always want to know the cause of death. Knowing the
cause of death helps them, especially the bereaved family, to accept and cope with their
loss. Some families may request a post mortem examination of the dead body, while others
may consult traditional doctors in order to find out the cause of death.

g. Some communities bury their dead inside the house or within the yard. For example, the
Batlokwa do not have graveyards. They bury their dead of all ages within their houses or
yards. This is because they feel that by burying the person within the yard they remain part
of the family and are a source of comfort to the living. It also shows that the living care for
their dead.

THE SUPPORT GIVEN TO THE BEREAVED

1.Emotional support

During the bereavement period, the bereaved family may become emotionally stressed.
They may experience feelings of sadness, grief and pain at the loss of a loved one. They may
be therefore given emotional support in the following ways:-

i.Comforting those who are grieving, people visit and spend time with the bereaved family
until the burial takes place.

ii.Through counselling:- The bereaved family members who are overwhelmed by grief are
provided with counselling to help them reach the stage of acceptance. People such as older
family members, close friends, priests, trained counsellors and social workers may offer this
kind of service.

iii.By sending messages of condolence:- friends and relatives who are unable to attend the
funeral may send messages of condolences.

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2. Spiritual support

Prayers may be held at the home of the deceased’s family regularly. In Botswana it is a
norm in many communities for prayers to be held every evening until the day before burial
takes place. Prayers are meant to ask God to give the bereaved strength to live on. Prayers
therefore ask God to help the family to go through these hard times. The prayers help to
stress the people’s loyalty to God as the giver and taker of human life.

Preaching:- The kind of this support explains why there is always a priest or a religious
leader at almost every bereavement. The readings from the scripture and preaching help
the bereaved accept that death is part of God’s divine plan for human beings. They also
remind the bereaved and everybody that they are dependent on God and they cannot
question his actions. This helps console the bereaved as they learn to accept that God has
not abandoned them and continues with his plan for humanity.

3.Material support

The bereaved family may not have all the things necessary for funeral ceremony. People
usually help by cleaning things needed. They may lend the family cooking and serving
utensils such as pots, cups and plates.

They may donate food to cater for the evening prayers and the funeral day. Others may
give money (matshidiso) to assist in meeting the financial costs of the funeral.

4.Physical support

In Botswana and other African traditions, bereavement and weddings are communal events,
when one attends these communal events or occasions they are expected to offer some
help and one way of helping is to provide labour. People work at bereavement because the
amount of work to be done exceeds what the family members can do on their own. This
labour is usually in the form of collecting chairs, pitching up tents, slaughtering the beasts,
cooking and ushering, digging the grave and filling it up at the funeral. Some people use
their vehicles to transport mourners and sometimes even to transport the corpse in case the
hearse is not available or the family cannot afford one.

This form of help allows the bereaved family to have time to heal. It also gives the
individual and the community the chance to put into action their verbally expressed
condolences.

THE IMPORTANCE OF COPING WITH DEATH

Even though death results in grief and emotional pain, it is very important that individuals
cope with their loss. It is important to cope with death for the following reasons:-

i.To enable the bereaved to accept the loss of a loved one and avoid despairing

Coping with death involves dealing with the feelings of grief and gradually reaching a stage
of acceptance because nothing and no one can bring back a dead person. It is important to
talk about what one is feeling so that one is not overwhelmed by grief, despair and
depression.

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Coping with death helps people to accept that it is normal to lose a loved one through
death. This enables them to move on from the stage of grief and to one of acceptance of
the loss of a loved one.

ii.To avoid damaging ones’s health or becoming suicidal

People who are unable to cope with death of a loved one may as a result, behave in ways
that damage their health. For example, some people begin to abuse alcohol or drugs after
the death of a loved one. They may even become suicidal.

iii.To enable the bereaved to return to their normal lives

Bereavement is a process. Some people take longer than others to overcome the deep
sense of grief and to begin to accept their loss. However, at some point in time, people
have to stop grieving and begin to live normally again.

This does not mean that they forget the deceased person, but that they are able to talk
about and remember him or her without feelings of deep pain, despair or depression. They
are able to return to school or work and be happy again.

iv.To allow dependants to focus on finding acceptable ways of surviving

In case of the loss of a breadwinner, dependants of the deceased person do not become
desperate. Instead, they are able to ask for and get the help they need. They are able to
find legal and morally acceptable ways of surviving. They do not need to turn to
prostitution, selling illegal drugs or crime to earn a living.

v.To avoid conflict over the cause of death

People who are able to accept the death of a loved one as natural are less likely to blame
others for the death. For example, if a family member has died due to a terrible accident,
family members will not accuse others of witchcraft. Conflict in the family can be avoided as
a result.

SOME WAYS OF COPING WITH DEATH

i.Crying: Crying helps to relieve the feelings of pain and despair.

ii.Talk about your loved one. Recall the times you spent together, especially the good times.

iii.Honour the memory of the deceased, for example, on their anniversary of his or her
death by praying for them, visiting the grave, cleaning around the grave, and putting or
planting fresh flowers.

iv.Allow yourself time to heal. Slowly, the feelings of pain, loss and despair will become less
intense. This does not mean forgetting the dead person but remembering them without
feeling deep emotional pain.

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FUNERAL EXPENSES
When a person dies, usually a funeral ceremony is held before his or her burial. Every
funeral costs money because certain things have to be bought and services paid for. In
Botswana, funeral expenses usually include buying or paying for the following things:-

i.Mortuary costs

A mortuary is a place where dead bodies are stored in refrigerators. The family usually
collect the dead body the day before burial and take it home for burial. The mortuary
usually provides a special car (hearse) to carry the coffin or casket home and to the grave.

ii.A coffin or casket

The dead body is put in a coffin or casket for burial. A casket is more expensive than a
coffin.

iii.The cost of a grave

In towns and cities, the family has to buy the grave from the Council. Families usually buy
and put a metal cover over the grave.

vi.Tents and chairs

Sometimes families hire tents for mourners to sit under and chairs for them to sit on.

v.Food and drink

People are usually given something to eat after evening prayers (merapelo), visitors who
come to comfort the bereaved and mourners who attend the burial ceremony are also fed.

vi.Transport

Transport is needed to collect firewood, to buy food from the shops, and to collect cows to
be slaughtered for meat.

vii.Flowers (wreaths)

Usually families buy special flowers to put on top of the coffin or casket and on the grave.

viii.Funeral programmes

Usually families provide mourners with programmes that state the order of events during
the funeral ceremony, show pictures and give a brief biography of the life of the deceased.

How much does a funeral cost?

The total cost of a funeral varies among different families because it depends on the choices
the family of the deceased make. For example, the choices the family make include:-

a.How long they choose to keep the body in the mortuary before burial. The longer they
keep the body in the mortuary, the higher the cost.

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b.The choice of coffin or casket. They can choose to buy the cheapest, or a reasonably
priced one or the most expensive coffin or casket.

c.The type and variety of food to be provided to the mourners and visitors. For example,

-Family 1: can choose to provide samp, bogobe and seswaa only.

-Family 2: can choose to provide samp,bogobe,seswaa and ginger drink.

-Family 3: can choose to provide samp, bogobe, seswaa, chicken, salads, cooked cabbage,
ginger drink and fruit juice.

d.The quality and number of funeral programmes printed. It is cheaper to print

programmes in black and white on white on plain white paper than in colour and glossy
paper.

THE REASON FOR CURBING FUNERAL EXPENSES

All funerals cost money. However, currently, there is concern in Botswana that many
families are overspending on funerals. Some families even get into debt in order to pay for
the cost of burying their loved ones. In some cases, money that could be used to support
the dependants of the deceased is spent on paying for an expensive funeral ceremony.

It is wise to curb funeral expenses for the following reasons.

-To reduce financial strain on the bereaved family

Avoiding unnecessary funeral expenses can help reduce the financial strain on the bereaved
family. A family would not have to get into debt in order to get money to pay for the
funeral.

-To save money for the surviving dependants of the deceased

Some people die leaving young children and spouses who still need to be provided for. It is
important that most of the money and property that the deceased leave behind should be
saved to meet their needs. For example, if most of the money is used on the funeral , the
family may not be able to pay the children’s school fees and to buy them food in future.

-To avoid conflicts in the family due to unnecessary funeral expenses

Some family members may blame each other for unnecessary funeral expenses which could
have been avoided. In most cases, conflicts arise when there are outstanding debts to be
paid and family members are expected to contribute towards the payment of the debts.

-To help change people’s attitudes towards funeral expenses

There is need for mourners and visitors to change their expectations of what the bereaved
family should give them during the mourning period, especially in terms of food and drink.
For example, after daily evening prayers, people should not expect to be given food and
drink. Bereaved families should also change their attitudes and think carefully about funeral
costs they may incur.

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If all families have reasonably priced funerals by eliminating unnecessary and costly items
such as provision of food and drink after daily evening prayers, glossy full colour funeral
programmes, then they will be no need for people to compete to show they too can afford
expensive and lavish funerals. Those who cannot afford expensive funerals will not come
under any pressure to do more than they can afford.

WILLS
A will is a legal document indicating how one would like his or her property to be distributed
after his or her death. In a will, a person indicates who should inherit their property and in
what amounts.

For a will to be valid in Botswana it has to fulfil the requirements below:-

-a will should be signed by the testator (the person who is making the will) in the presence
of two witnesses. Witnesses should be 14 years or older at the time of witnessing the will.
They should be able to evidence in a court of law.

-Witnesses cannot benefit from the will or be the one to administer the will after the maker
of the will is dead.

-It has to be made by a mentally fit person who is 16 years or older.

In Botswana, different ethnic groups have customary laws about how the property of a
deceased person should be distributed. However, traditionally, if a person gave a particular
relative verbal instructions about how his or her property should be distributed after his or
her death, usually such instructions would be followed.

The importance of a will

A will is important for the following reasons:-

a.The property of the deceased will be distributed according to his or her wishes

The person would be able to indicate who should and who should not inherit his or her
property and what they should get. For example, a parent may choose to leave his or her
property only to some of his or her children. Others may be left out of the will. A person
may choose to donate their money or other property to a charity organisation. If a person
dies without a will (intestate) then people whom he or she not want to inherit could end up
with his or her property.

b. A will can prevent family conflicts over the deceased’s property

When a person dies without a will, conflicts over inheritance of the deceased property are
more likely to arise between the children, spouse and other relatives of the deceased.

C. A will can prevent relatives claiming property that does not belong to the deceased or
other people falsely claiming property that belongs to the deceased.

In a will, a person can state what property belongs to them. This would help prevent
confusion as to what belongs and does not belong to the deceased.

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d. A will can save time and money

It is quicker and cheaper to administer and wind up the affairs of the deceased when he or
she has a will, than when there is no will.

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