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THE CURSE OF A
ROMANCE WRITER

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 Copyright
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may
be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form by
any means, electric, mechanical, photocopying, recording,
scanning or otherwise without written permission from
the author. It is illegal to copy this book, post it to a website,
or distribute it by any means without written permission.

©Lizole Jalajala, 2023.

This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names,

characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of
the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual
persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely
coincidental.

The story has not be submitted to any professional editor or

proofreader. You may come across grammatical errors.

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 “Love never follows a linear pattern. It is something that can
never be caged or categorized. Love breaks protocol and goes
beyond the rules of normal. In a world full of chaos, always
choose the love that will set you free.”

- The Romance Writer

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 The untold Moments
I have never fallen in love before. I don’t know how it
feels but I have written stories with clear definitions and
beautiful experiences. I have fantasized about it and in my
brain: falling in love is a sudden moment. It happens
unexpectedly and thereafter you get a rushing feeling. But I
am not sure, and that is a big but because I have never
experienced the feeling of falling in love. Being utterly taken
by the other person that you lose the track of your breathing.
It is frustrating that I have never experiences this. And many
things are that way in this one life of ours.
I turn my back and my eyes land directly on the bald-
headed manager of mine. His face has turned tomato red from
anger. I hold my breath in. He is a big guy that takes up a lot
of space and no matter the time of day, he will look at you as
if he’s about to spit on you from disgust. No wonder he is
called bull-frog by the staff.
“Nomsa, those customers won’t serve themselves. I
don’t pay you to stare in nothingness, do that at your own
damn time!” he says. Anger is seething through his yellow-
brown teeth, I bet the dentist has thrown the towel too. I mean,
if I was his dentist, I’d too let him walk around with those
grinders that look like they’re about to fall out every time he
opens his mouth to spew rubbish. “Stop looking at me, and get
back to work!” he shouts. Mxm.
“I have checked table 4 and they are still okay Sir.” I
answer. A wrong answer because he now looks like he just
downed a bottle of hot sauce. I quickly kick my skates and
balance on the counter.
“I’ll find something else to do!” I say, skating away.
The diner is quiet today. There’s a group of high school kids
in table 4. The booth is occupied by a couple that looks like
they are on their first date. And a man clearly in misery – is
drinking and eating by the window table. Maybe if I initiate a
chat; we might end up holding a conversation that won’t have
Mr Bull-frog hovering over me. I skate over to him, he is

6
wearing a black tuxedo with a loose bow tie as if he just ran
out of a wedding.
“Good evening sir, are you still doing well?” I ask in a
customer-friendly voice. It has been rehearsed in the mirror
for days before I began working here. He looks at me up and
down then nods. He gestures with his pointer finger for me to
wait while he gulps down the rest of his drink. He take out a
couple of notes and drops them on the table.
“That’s for the food and drinks. The tip is quite hefty
too. Please leave me the fuck alone. I’d like to not be
bothered.”
I’m shocked… flabbergasted and utterly disgusted by his rude
and dismissive tone.
“You did not have to be rude about it!” I shoot back
with a snarky tone and it seems to amuse him. He chuckles.
“I can be anything to a mere waitress. You are beneath
me.” He shoves it like a fist hitting my stomach. I chuckle and
quickly calm myself down because I'm not in the mood to
search for another job. In 3 months I've hopped from 6 jobs
already — each fired from because of my "violent" attitude
and "anger issues". I have neither of those things, it's only
because I won't allow bullshit to rain on me at my workplace,
especially from customers.
"Have a good evening further Sir, the diner will close
in an hour and you are welcome to seat until then. We are
having one of the quiet nights," I say in that friendly voice
again. I skate back to the counter to cash his bill in. I look over
at his table and shake my head. What an ass.
The evening goes on slowly. Once the high school kids
leave; it gets awfully quiet and we begin packing the chairs
and cleaning. He is still sitting there in his table like he's a lost
puppy. Right now he is on his phone, I can see the person he
is trying to call isn't answering because the table suffers from
his fists of frustration. He looks like a well-off guy who drove
off to the nearest diner he could find in the cold winter weather
to clear his head. It seems to not be working though. Only

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making him worse. He eventually leaves 2-minutes before
closing.
"Jerkass..." I whisper under my breath clearing his
table. He left his cufflinks... They feel expensive on my soft
hands, they have the initials 'KJJ' engraved in cursive. I slip
them in the back-pocket of my jeans and make a mental note
to place them in the "lost-and-found" box in the back. His
arrogant ass may come in tomorrow to check for them — they
must've cost a fortune. I'm the only waitress working today.
Gabrielle — who was supposed to come in too had an
emergency. She's a mother and everything pertaining her child
is an emergency. I'm still not yet familiar with the rest of the
staff, I've been here for a month — the longest I've spent on a
job. Some may say that's enough time to get to know your
colleagues but they've never worked at a diner before.
By the time we clock out, night has taken over, the
perks of winter time. The time reads 7pm and it's dark outside.
My feet are breathing softly in my loafers. Hours of skating
around isn't as easy as they make it. My apartment is a hill
down from my workplace, I walk to and from. Tonight, the
town isn't busy for a Sunday. I guess it wasn't just us. Winter
is keeping everyone away.
I secure my work bag on my shoulder and shove my
hands in my pockets as I walk down the hill with other
workers. It's almost like a race, each quickening their pace in
hurry to get home. I take a left turn down the hill and make it
to my complex. I search for my keys and open the gate waving
at Mr Lewis from the guard house.
"Good thing you didn't forget your keys this time
around," he says. I laugh.
He is also getting ready to clock out and head home
"I'm a responsible girl these days Mr Lewis," I answer.
He smiles and nods.
"I can see! Keep it up!" He gives me a thumbs up and
I continue with my walk… Up the stairs to my 2nd floor
apartment — my sanctuary.

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 I live alone and I graduated from University about 2-
years ago. My family disowned me after they found out I
actually was graduating with English as a Major and not
Economics. The only person I try to keep up with is my big
sister - I'm the last born to 3 children — all golden ducks and
I'm the black sheep. We are a family of girls and they have
held up the family name as Accounting and Econ majors.
They are people in finance including my mom and dad. Or
should I call them Ex-parents? I don't know how this thing
goes too.
Anyway, my dad is an accountant, my mom a financial
advisor and she runs a wealth management firm. My sisters
followed in our parents' path and I was the ugly duckling who
couldn't care less about the stock market. When mom and dad
found out, they cut me loose and I've been a loner since. To
say I don't miss them would be a lie, I do miss them so much
but I can never force myself to people who don't want me for
who I am. I am a writer, an artist and that has reflected in my
persona from birth. I don't know why they forced me into
finance. I have to thank my grandma for giving me her paid-
up apartment. It's one of those things I inherited from her after
she passed and a car in the basement. I don't pay utilities
because they are taken care off. I only buy food with the
money I make from the diner. I can't even afford new car tires.
I write but I haven't published anything. The stories I've
finished — which I did the justice of sending them to an editor
and proofreaders are all ready for release. I've been scared of
publishing them, I lie and say I'm waiting for the right time
but the reality is; I am scared of releasing something so
personal as a story I wrote. Okay, that sounded corny but I fear
the crowds. People are scary — that's it.

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 When we collide
I love my job. I love my job. I love my job.
I chant in my head walking up the hill early in the cold
Monday morning. It's quite chilly today, my cheeks are feeling
the cold morning wind hitting my face. I slide my hands
deeper in the pockets of my jacket trying to walk as fast as I
can. I left my apartment in a hurry. I'm not late, I try not to be
but for the time I set for myself to be out of the house; I am a
bit late. I decided to never give David reasons to fire me. Not
even for being late. I can't have an empty CV or one that is
full of references that'll talk shit and about me being
incompetent or 'rude' employee because I sure am not. It's
quite interesting how….
"Fuck!! Watch where you're going!!" I shout raising my head
to check the person responsible for hot coffee landing on my
jacket. It's so sudden and I am not in the mood for this shit.
"I'm so sorry, Ma'am... Oh goodness!" he says as my
eyes land on him. He's wearing a formal suit and on the other
hand he is holding a cellphone. Stupid person was texting.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't see you,” he says again,
apologetic. I snatch the fabric on the pocket of his suit and
start wiping down the spot. The damn coffee even stained my
boots. “Of course you didn’t. Busy texting so early in the
morning, shit! Some of us have to get work,” I say and throw
the fabric back to him. He takes it gracefully.
“I’m sor..”
“I swear to god if you say you’re sorry again, I will
bust your head on this walkway,” I snap and he is quite taken
aback. He throws his hand in the air as a gesture to surrender.
I shake my head and exhale. “How can I make your morning
better again?” he asks.
"You can start by not staring at your damn phone early
in the morning while holding hot coffee.” I can feel my skin
tingling. Stupid thing went over the fabric of my clothes. I
may have a scar.

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 "I'm so… tell me how to fix it please. I don't know, I
was really never told how to deal with such! What is the
socially accepted way?" He asks.
Okay, that's funny. I giggle and roll my eyes.
"We don't have a formula for these kinda situations. If
we knew each other, you'd offer to wash my jacket or get me
another one... but there's really no other accepted way and the
fact that we're strangers makes it even worse." I check my
watch and look at him again. "I must to get to work. Move so
I can pass. You may have to get yourself another coffee," I tell
him with a faint smile. He quickly moves to the side... great.
I pass and continue with my walk to the diner. I cross
the road and walk to the back. Gabby is in today. Her beat-up
tazz is parked in the diner lot. I'm five minutes early for work
but ten minutes late in my own time. I rush to the locker room
and change to work clothes. There’s red mark over the burn,
it’s stinging but I’ve survived skate blisters for days; it’s
nothing. I wear socks and hold my skates on my hands.
I bump into Gabby.
"Hey honey, you came in today. We thought you were
gonna take the day off since you held the fort yesterday," she
says giving me a hug. It's brief.
"You think David would've allowed that? Babe, No.”
"Honey, a day off isn't asking for trouble. Go tell him
and spend the day shopping or you could be faxing that
publisher your manuscript. Spend the day with your man or
whatever ...there's other fun things to do. Get your off day,
don't let David play you."
"I don't know babe...” I say. I don’t have a boyfriend
and a day-off for me means spending hours gazing on my
laptop attempting to writer another chapter.
David walks in after, it's like he hears when his name
is mentioned in the room. He has a bunch of papers with him
and a binder.
"Nomsa, take the day off. Go do whatever girls do and
be here Wednesday morning."
He says it without even looking at me.

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 "I'm sorry, Wednesday?" I ask.
"Yes, you've earned a few days off." He finally looks
at me. He has scary eyes... Ones that look like they could pop
off and attack you.
"Actually Sir, can I take my days for Friday and
Saturday?" I ask.
He looks at Gabby who just shrugs her shoulders. He balances
on one leg... Stares at me and I blur my vision so I don't face
his face directly. He finally huffs and says, "Okay, Friday
through to Sunday. Monday morning you'll be here again. Oh
and Nomsa, you're doing okay," he says and then walks out of
the locker. "David throwing compliments? That's unusual" I
mention and Gabby exhales and giggles.
"You may have made it to his good books. Comes on,
let's go open up," she says pulling my arm as we head to the
front. I wear the skates, clock in and my day begins.
We welcome people for breakfast. Some are students writing
their essays. It's all different kinds of people but what is nice
is we work and I don't feel the time passing until lunchtime
comes. Gabby taps me on the back and whispers, "honey, it's
lunchtime."
"Yaay!" I reply, feeling my body ready to break down
some food. We walk to the back and grab our lunches then sit
on the bonnet of her car — it's a tradition. It keeps us light.
Gabby has dark hair with brown eyes, she has an
athletic body and makes skates look sexy — if I could say so
myself. "So, when do you think you'll get yourself a
bodyfriend? Pedro looks cute and I think he wants you..." She
says glancing over where the cooks are seated and waves at
Pedro. "Gabby! Pedro? No!" I say laughing.
"I mean, he is not bad but come on now, be serious.
Pedro probably has a girlfriend that'll whoop my ass if I ever
tried my luck. Or it could be worse, a wife and kids. You
know...” I shrug my shoulders and grab a piece of chicken
with my fork.
"Honey, you're making a mountain out of nothing.
Pedro is single and..." She's interrupted by David walking

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towards us holding a takeout bag from our diner. The last time
I checked — we didn't do deliveries?
"Nomsa... I need you to quickly deliver this at the
building down the street. Floor 15 and ask for Mr Kevin James
Johnson. He has requested a special delivery. Please, your tip
will be good."
"I didn't know we did deliveries," I voice out my
thoughts getting down from the car bonnet.
"We don't but we received a special call." He says it
like he's excited. I shrug my shoulders and Gabby says she'll
pack my lunch. I grab the bag and the piece of paper with the
address. I pass by Pedro and his crew: he has a smile on his
face. I greet them and they return the greetings, at least they're
nice people. Or decent — as they call it.
I get to the building quicker than I had thought. It looks
like a media building, there are Vogue magazine covers in the
foyer. People in killer outfits holding iPads. There's a number
of boxes coming in and out of the maintenance elevators. A
lot is happening here and some are seated down having lunch,
there's a cafeteria that looks like it sells stale food. No
judgment but who'd eat that.
"I didn't know the diner does deliveries..." The Ma'am
standing next to me as we wait for the elevator mentions. I
look at her for a bit and try to force a smile.
"It doesn't. My boss just sent me up for special
delivery," I answer.
"Alright. I should contact your boss then, we could do
with some fresh food over here."
The elevator tings and we get in.
"Which floor?" She asks.
"Uhm, 15,"
"Same floor. Great!" She says. It's a relief for me too.
The lift goes up and as it opens to floor 15, she turns
left, probably going to her office and I head to the receptionist.
"Morning Ma'am, I have a food delivery for a Mr
Kevin Johnson?"

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 "Kevin James or Kevin Elliott?" She asks looking at
me up and down.
"James," I answer.
"Alright. Take a left down the passage and his office
is at the corner. You'll see his door has his name on it. Don't
worry, he is expecting you." She says.
At this point, I'm tired. The floor is quiet, everyone is
probably at lunch too. The floor mat feels great under my
sneakers, I couldn't have possibly worn skates. It would've
been a mess.
I knock light and walk in. Whoever I am delivering the
food to has his chair turned to face the beautiful huge window
that is feeding absolute views of the city... All the way to the
golf course in the south. I take calculated steps and place the
takeout bag on the table. That earns me a turn and wow — it
cannot be this guy. The jackass that spilled his coffee on me
in the morning. Well, he's technically not a jackass but still...
He spilled his coffee and now I'm delivering his food. Nice.
"We meet again. Beautiful lady,"
"Whose jacket you ruined. And now you've run my
lunch short because you asked for a special delivery." I snicker
and he has a smile on his face.
He takes out his wallet and hands me a couple of notes.
"I'm sorry. That's for making the trip and your boss
told me you wouldn't mind. It's Nomsa right?" He asks. Okay,
so he asked specifically for me? I don't know whether to find
it creepy or what. He notices my face changing. "I read it from
your... Your tag!" He says but I don't believe him. I take the
money notes and place in my back pockets.
"Have a great day sir and enjoy your lunch." I say in
the customer friendly voice and attempt to walk out but he
calls out my name, I turn and look at him. His eyes wonder
around trying to settle on something but ends up settling on
my face.
"You said I've run your lunch short. Sit with me, let's
share my lunch because I think I've ruined your day enough.
At least this is the procedure of things... You offer people food

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and no one says no to food... I'm... Sorry again that sounds
awful. I'm not good with social cues."
"That I've figured."
"Good. So will you eat with me?" He has difficulties
with his eyes settling on me. It's almost like he is scared which
is cute because for a tall muscular man like him, you'd expect
them to assert dominance.
"I'm sorry Sir, I have to get back to work."
"I can call your boss and ask... I'm sorry to sound like
a brat but please Nomsa. Eat with me... The only way we'll
stop being strangers is if we sit down and enjoy lunch."
He says before I could play my I don't even know you
card. I'm saved by someone walking in. She's wearing high
heels and holding an iPad. She walks in already speaking in
work terms that the only time she notices I'm in the room is
when she raises her head. Her big eyes dart around the room,
from me to the big sir in a suit.
"Pride, I'm in my lunch hour and this young lady will
be joining me on it. Please defer all calls and meeting to the
next hour." He says it without flitching, he is looking straight
at Pride... There's that dominance. Pride just nods and walks
back out. He takes the bag and leads me to the eating table
situated at the corner. I sit on the chair and he seats across me,
giving me a full view of his face. I can make out the distinct
marks and texture of his skin. His eyes are hazel brown, an
average size. There's something about them that changes when
he looks over at me, it overwhelms me with warmth and
comfort. The energy changes to a light one. It feels like
floating on top of a body of water - the tender hug of water as
you keep swimming.... It's light. It's the freeness of my body
around him that has me leaning back and letting him take out
the food. I'm not nervous, this feeling that has overwhelmed
me is foreign. I've never felt it before I can only explain it as
bubbling warmth like a volcano about to erupt. I've had
orgasms before and this — here isn't even close to that. This
is beyond the feeling of reaching a climax. I watch him fold

15
his shirt up. Hands me my portion of the chicken salad with
the sauce and a cold drink.
"I ordered two. It’s habit," he says with a smile. I smile
back at him and take off my lumber jacket. I sanitize my hands
and take the fork. I let him have the first bite. He welcomes it
like it's the only thing that matters in the world. I'm
mesmerized by how he chews on it and expresses his fondness
of the taste. I'm not eating. I'm watching him eat, he does it so
happily. Almost like a child. It's cute how food can bring up
another side of someone. He is giddy and if his height allowed:
he'd be jumping up and down. He begins to dance a bit and I
chuckle. The sound of it quickly brings him back and he looks
at me with a smile.
He chews the rest and wipes off his mouth sides.
"Why are you not eating?" He asks. His hands are
already opening my chicken salad.
"Watching you eat is somewhat entertaining, Mr
Stranger." I tell him and watch his eyes glimmer with shyness.
"Mr Stranger. That is... That is quite a word. Would
you say I have kidnapped you?" He asks
"I'm here on my own accord. If I wanted to leave, I
would have. You have not kidnapped me..." I say with a smile
and bite on the salad.
"We humans have a thing in common, Food. That's
why our meetings will always have some snacks. Why we
invite people over for dinner, lunch, breakfast. Where there's
food, conversations... Good conversations flow."
"You seem like the kind of guys who research
everything," I say. He laughs at that and leans back on his
chair. "I do. Is it a bad thing?"
"No, not at all." I reply and he nods.
We sit in silence as he enjoys his salad. He is on his
own world with his food, it looks like happy one too.
My watch beeps... It's time to leave. "Mr Stranger, I'm afraid
I can't sit any longer with you here. I have to return to work."
I tell him already getting up and grabbing my lumber jacket.
He gets up too and look at the huge clock on his office wall.

16
 "Your shift doesn't begin for another 25 minutes?" He
says it like a question.
"My brain is wired differently. It takes 5 minutes just
to get out of your office. A walk back to my workplace and
then I have to change into my skates and have a couple of
minutes by myself in the bathroom mirror where I beg myself
to skates through the remaining hours of the work and serve
customers. Some utterly rude, some trying to be nice. Bottom
line? I have to go. Thanks for asking me to sit with you..."
Okay, now that I've said all that loud, I sound pathetic and a
mess. No one wants a mess.
"Let me take you out for dinner then." He blurts out.
"Please!" He begs.
"Are you asking me out?" I ask, Impressed.
"Yes, yes I am. Eat dinner with me. Tonight,"
"We hardly know each other!"
"The only way we will get to know each other is if we
spend time together."
I take a deep breath and zip up my jacket.
"I find you interesting. A whole lot too but I don't have
time to get to know new people Sir. Especially those who want
to eat dinner, lunch and probably do sleep overs too."
"You forgot the part where we wake up in the same
bed. Where I get you breakfast and ask you if you slept well.
You forgot the part where I hold you through the cold night
and make you laugh," he says with his hands in his pockets.
He is standing tall, looking at me in the eye.
"See, I'm not the girl to do all that. I don't have time
nor the energy..." I say and he steps closer. The office
suddenly feels small and contained. I lose the pattern of my
breathing as his cologne lands softly in my nostrils. It smells
expensive. And good. I could bask in it for long. That warm
fuzzy feeling comes running. It hits my intestines and rushes
through my head that I fight the urge to tick to the side. My
hairs stand as my heart beats faster. I gasp and exhale... Still
looking at his glossy eyes.

17
Please say something…please say something.. I chant in my
head unable to maintain eye contact. My eyes dart around but
he is over me.... Hovering. I drop my head down to watch my
feet. His warm fingers meet with my face, he pulls my chin to
look at him. I can't do it. I can do it but it's hard. Not when
there's an unending flutter in my tummy. He lets go of my
chin. "Look at me" he whispers. I lock my eyes with him. He
takes my hands in his and smiles. Causing me to gasp again...
It feels like I have been hypnotized.
"My name is Zweli, I know yours is Nomsa."
He says and I nod.
"Nice to meet you, Zweli." I whisper back.
He smiles. My watch beeps again and I quickly step
back. "I have to go" I announce already on my toes to the door.
He calls my name but I don't listen this time. I heard straight
to the elevators, it tings and I'm the only person going down.
It quickly opens to the ground floor. I get out of the building
and exhale. I hold on to the pole and regulate my breathing
once again. That was insane. I have never had someone
literally take my breath away? And what just happened? What
was that?
My feet lead me back to the diner. I cash in and go to
get changed at the back. I try to shut out everything and the
rest of the day goes in blur. By the time we clock out, it's
raining cats and dogs outside. I don't even have an umbrella.
Shit! Gabby had to leave early once again today, her child.
I stand at the front with other workers. A black SUV pulls up
and the window rolls down. I huff at the face of the person.
Zweli.
"It's only going to get worse from now and it'll get
darker and darker!”
I fight a smile and stand there with my hands inside
the pockets of my jacket.
"Come on now, you'll catch a cold!" He says and I look
at him.
"I'm waiting for a friend, you can go without me." I
shout back at him.

18
 "I don't believe you!"
"Well, bad for you."
I stand there and look around. There's no friend I'm
waiting for but there's this shyness that won't allow me to be
alone with him again. The loss of breath, the weak knees.
Everything isn’t allowing me. He shuts his engine and steps
out of the car — oh my goodness. What is this man doing?
He locks his car and walks his tall ass and stands next
to me. He is wearing a beanie, a coat and leather gloves. I
shake my head and chuckle.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm waiting for your friend with you. It's getting
darker and the weather is bad, it can get quite dangerous very
quickly. So until the friend arrives, I'll stand here with you.”
“Fine, suit yourself!”
I'm still wearing the lumber jacket. My other one is coffee
stained and Gabby took it to the dry cleaners. I was supposed
to get it but by the time I tuned myself back, it was clock out
time and they've long closed. I'm feeling cold. This is torturing
myself bad but I'd choose this that being unable to breathe
with him in his car. Minutes pass until he clears his throat.
"Where do you stay?" he asks. I glance at him —
goodness. Those eyes.
"Milner Complex."
"On 2nd Street down the hill?" He asks and I nod.
"That’s not far. Honestly Nomsa, let me drop you off
and you can call your friend and tell them you got a ride with
me. It's getting cold and we've been standing here for over ten
minutes now, it'll only get darker and colder."
"Alright," I answer. It's just a ride down the hill...
Nothing will happen.
He unlocks his car and opens the front seat for me to get in. I
do and thank him as he closes the door. His car smells nice.
He gets on his side and starts the car. The heater comes in as
the music comes in too. It's a JayZ song. I'm still freezing as
he drives off the parking lot and into the road. Traffic is now

19
insane. I take my phone out and log in to Instagram. I scroll
mindlessly until he clears his told.
"Did you tell your friend?" He asks.
"Yeah, I sent a text." It's a damn lie but he takes it and
nod as he takes a turn down the hill.
"Are you okay?" He asks.
"Yeah. Just tired from working," I answer and he nods
again. "You shouldn't be working at a place like that. What
did you study at school?"
Say what now?
"Are you judging my job?" I ask, already being
defensive. He glances over at me and chuckles.
"No, I'm pointing out what you do isn't a good working
place. How much do they even pay you there?"
"Okay Mr, if you asked me to get into your car so you
could belittle what I do, then you might as well drop me off
here and let me walk. What the hell?"
He chuckles. Tickling the anger in me that is mixed
with tiredness. I huff, roll my eyes and look out the window.
I've had enough judgments to last me a life time.
"I'm sorry. I was just trying to understand what kind of
a boss you have that will have you working in skates and
thereafter not organizing any transport for their employees
when the weather is bad. That's just it."
"You'd have to call and ask him not me."
I lean back in the chair and close my eyes. I'm
annoyed, tired, hungry and a hot mess. I'm also freezing, my
nipples feel like they could fall out anytime now from the
coldness.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you..."
"Could you please stay quiet and drive me home?"
I cross my legs and for a moment silence passes around the
car. He clears his throats and drives me back to my place in
silence. He drops me off the gate and I don't even bid him
goodbye. I get to my apartment and run straight to take a warm
shower. I eat left over pizza with juice and call in a night. My
spirit is down that I don't even bother with writing. It can wait.

20
21
 In a Minute…
A bottle of sprite. A cup of coffee and a glass of orange juice
— freshly pressed.
I chant in my head skating towards the counter to hit in their
order when a glass window shatters causing everyone to jump
and get under the tables. I try to look but before I can make
sense of anything, someone pulls me over the counter and
shoves me under it. My heart stops for a moment and sweat
jumps off my skin. I tremble under it as the sound of raging
bullets almost causes an eardrum burst. I'm not the only one
under this counter, my eyes look over and Gabby's hands are
hugging her knees. She's trembling terribly. A wave of fear
washes over her eyes as her glossy eyes look up. She lightly
shakes her head and my heart sits on my stomach... No!
The gun is corked and a shot blast through but it doesn't hit
Gabby. Instead, a loud thud causes me to scream as I come
face to face with David's dead body meeting ground, a shot
through his head. A boot pushes David's leg off the side and
then kneels down. I freeze as I come face to face with that
jackass from Sunday night.
"Which one of you is Gabrielle?" He asks. Gabby
answers and he nods then I'm pulled by legs out of the hiding
spot. It's so sudden that I only gasp hard. "I'm actually here for
you, Nomsa... We meet again. Be a good girl now and not
scream. Will you do that? And keep breathing dear!” he says
I nod vigorously focusing on my breathing pattern. He grins
and throws me over his shoulder while getting up. I remain
quiet and he chuckles.
"Good girl."
My heart is beating hard - fast like it is about to jump out the
ribcage. He exits on the back and there's that SUV again. The
front passenger door opens and I'm thrown inside. Strapped in
a seat belt. He jumps on the driver's seat and snickers at me.

22
 "Don't be scared, Ma. I'm not going to shoot you, I'm
actually..." He looks back and take a reverse. "Saving you,"
He says and winks.
"Saving me from what? You shoot people and call it
saving?"
He chuckles and steps on the gas. He's driving recklessly. This
man! "Sweet love. I'll explain everything where we're
heading. For now, please trust me." He grins and his head
faces the road as we flee the scene. The drive is an awfully
long one. I adjust the seat and take a nap.
"Wake up sweetie."
My eyes open and I'm still in the car. We've stopped or slowed
down, I can't make out what is. He removes the braids off my
face and looks at me with a smile. He has a scar on his chin,
his jaw is defined and make him look like a dangerous man.
His eyes glimmer at my sight.
"You're gorgeous when you're waking up." He says. I
readjust the seat and come face to face with a massive house.
It's actually a mansion made in the farmhouse style to fit the
surroundings. It blends extremely well with the greenery and
the mountainous horizons white with snow — it's a beautiful
place. There's not a neighbor in sight.
"What is this place?" I ask.
"Your new home. Come, we need to get you out of those jeans
and that awful looking shirt. You are the woman of the house
now, Kevin will be here in an hour."
New home? Woman of the house? What is this? I follow him
out of the car and to the house. Much to my thoughts, it's jaw
dropping even on the inside. Every piece of furniture is made
of wood and marble. It a mix of contemporary and modern —
perfectly blended. From the glass wall looking out on the back
outside, there's an airstrip with a chopper. Looking further out,
up the hill, I can make out the tiny looking houses and
buildings.
"What is this place?" I ask and turn to face the tall man
built very broad. Those eyes are still cold looking as they did
when he told me I am beneath him.

23
 "Up the stairs, first room on your right is the master
bedroom. It has a working shower and bath, the warm water
is on. We bought every type of bath product there is, you will
chose the kind you use and leave the rest."
"You don't get to command me, tell what to do and just
like that I go along with your instructions. What am I doing
here, dammit!?" I shout at him. He laughs. Genuine rattling
laughter coming from the depths of his tummy. He stands
there with hands in his pockets.
"You will find the bath products I talked about in the
closet. Your things to wear are on top of the bed. When you're
done, come join me for dinner. You must be hungry." He
winks and turns to leave me standing there. Oh my goodness.
This is insane.
I follow the instructions and come back down. My braids are
loose, my body is thanking me for that warm bath.
I walk around the house looking, it's now dark outside and the
lights are on. I make it to the dining room, the table looks like
it was taken straight from a tree. The glass marble of it feels
thick and smooth from my hand.
"The chef made spaghetti Bolognese, your favourite," he says
the last bit looking at me. His gaze settle on me and it goes up
and down, this time he is either undressing me or imagining
me naked. He clears his throat and shifts on his chair. I have
silk shorts pyjamas on.
"Did the underwears fit?" He asks getting up to pull
open my chair. It's on his right and he is obviously occupying
the head of the table. He takes off my silk robe, leaving me
with the silk short bottoms and top.
He has long pant bottoms and a t-shirt. He probably took a
shower too. His bald head is shining and he smells divine.
We sit down and he dishes up for me, I thank him and then we
enjoy food to a smooth jazz playing in the background. The
sound is accompanied by the cranking sound of wood burning
in the fireplace. The food is tasty.
After we finish, he clears the table and bring desert. Blueberry
brownies with custard and cherry on top. He comes back with

24
a bottle of chapel red wine with glasses. He places it on top of
the table. I enjoy the desert and I exhale as he pours a glass of
wine.
"To wash down all that food," he says with a straight
face. The front door opens, I didn't even hear a car pull up.
"Take a shower first honey. We have a gust in the
dining room." His voice roars and bounces off the walls of the
house. It's a pity we can't see who is coming in from the dining
room. My eyes dart around the dining room and my eyes land
on the bookcase going up to the ceiling, it's humongous.
"You read?" I ask.
"A little bit. I'm more of book buyer and collector. Do
you read?" He asks me and then sips on his wine.
"Yes, a lot."
"Sweet then, this will be your favourite room. I'll have
the team come in tomorrow to set up a reading corner for you."
I look at me and he is dead serious. He's not even flinching.
"I'm not staying here!" I announce. Which earns me
another chuckle. He extends his arm to push my braid to the
back. "You look so hot when you're delusional. This is your
new home. You better accept it."
"You can't hold me here against my will!" I shout. He
smiles again, it's amusing to him. This, my frustrations are
amusing to him. My heart dips in pain and tears escape my
eyes at the sudden reality of my life. I was taken against my
will to the middle of nowhere by a man who was mean at me.
What guts me even more; no one will care. My big sister did
call me Saturday morning, even if she doesn't find me on the
phone: she will swiftly move on. I mean, she won't have to
send money and spend airtime on me anymore. I'm as good as
dead. This, now, is my reality. I stare at nothingness. I try to
close my eyes, David's body comes to the scene. I quickly
open them back again. He raises his head and looks my way,
I hear the fork drops on the plate and he quickly stands up and
comes to my side. "Hey... Hey..." He says softly. He holds
both my cheeks in him hands "Why are you crying? Please
don't cry, talk to me."

25
I stare at him with glossy eyes. Before I can say anything, a
tall figure walks in holding a box. He's wearing the same
pyjama bottoms and shirt as him — I never caught names but
I know this one walking in with a full box. Zweli. His eyes
meet mine and he quickly places the box down and rushes to
my side. "Why is she crying, Elliott?" He asks taking my
hands in his. So, his name is Elliott? Mhh. They fuss over me
that I feel dominated. Two muscular men dropping to my size.
I remove my hands from him and wipe and face.
"I'm okay. Stop fussing."
I turn back to the table and grab the glass of wine. I gulp in
down in one go as they stare at me.
"We were talking and she just began crying." Elliot
says and shrug his shoulders. His tone sounds like a child
trying to convince their mom that they did nothing wrong.
Zweli hugs Elliot and kisses him a good evening.
"You smell good." Zweli says to Elliot. He does smell
good. I want to say it out loud but I hold myself. Zweli sits on
Elliott's left and faces me.
"You look good Ma," Zweli compliments and I roll my
eyes. Elliot has a grin on his face.
"What am I doing here?" I ask.
"This is your new home. I've been telling you for the
past — I don't know how long." Elliot says.
"The details honey, she wants the details." Zweli says
before looking at me. "You are hear because your boss who I
believe is cold dead at a morgue is a human trafficker. You
were supposed to be sold to the highest bidder tonight and we
saved you and a hundred of other girls from it. He had been
profiling you for long. Young, lives alone, disowned by her
wealthy parents and live in an apartment of her dead grandma
— you seemed easy."
I stare at Zweli in shock.
"I don't see the other hundred girls you saved. Are they
somewhere near?" I ask.
They look at each other and then back at me.

26
 "No, they are not. We drove you here because we care
for you," Elliott says.
"Too much." Zweli reassures. They share looks again.
"It's because we've fallen for you. Our first encounters
were not really the first... For you they were but Elliott and I
have seen you more than we can count. We care for you and
would like it if-" Elliott stops Zweli from finishing the
sentence. "Let's not bombard her with all the information
honey," he says.
"Actually, No! Bombard me with all the information.
I need to know everything and one of you better talk if you
don't want to find a cold dead body in the morning!"
"Oh no! No one has to die please. I'll talk." Zweli
exclaims. It's about damn time.

27
 Conversations in a diner
I stare in shock as Elliott and Zweli nod confirming my
question. Which is really not a question just an amazement.
Elliott and Zweli are married, they have no family but each
other. They met in university, fell in love and it has been that
way their entire lives. They work for government in Special
Forces. Zweli has served in the military for a couple of years
and Elliott has always been the brains behind security. They
received pings that there was a syndicate happening around
the town and David's diner was picked as the hot spot. After
months of investigation, having set their offices at that
building I went to eat lunch with Zweli at, they finally
matched all puzzles and found David to be the mastermind
behind it all. Gabby is the one feeding David information
about the newbies in the diner. Which makes sense because
Gabby could do whatever shit she wanted and get away with
it.
And so, they profiled me after they found out that I
was disowned by wealthy parents. I was a good pick because
I had no family ties, I was a loner, young and fresh out of
university. Nobody would miss me. I happened to be a good
fit, I would sell in the underground world for the high price.
David owned other diners and spas, which they say all had
been shut down amid the news of the syndicate burst. When
Elliott came in and shot David at the diner, which by the way:
he swears that no one was hurt. Only David who he killed. It
was going to be Doomsday for me. If it weren't for Elliott's
hot head, I'd have not been sitting on this farmhouse having
red wine with two men. "The team was taking long to come.
David's people were on the way and if I hadn't come in the
time I did, we would've lost her. She's a precious cargo to them
and they'd have done all they could to make sure she is caged
in. I need you Nomsa to understand that. They had already
raided your apartment and shot down Mr. Lewis. It's all
because Gabrielle lied for you and said you'd be taking the day

28
off. She did that to buy you some time, I think you may have
noticed that David came in late at work."
Elliot explains and I nod. It feels like a bad dream, it feels like
I might wake up and I'm back at my messy apartment and
stepping on pizza boxes on the way to the bathroom. I sit back
on the chair and my eyes dart around Zweli, Elliott and the
dining room. "Why did you save me? Is this a safe house? Will
I stay here until when? Did they take all my stuff?" I ask,
sniffing and fighting the tears. Their faces drop down and hurt
passes through their eyes.
"Elliott and I were hoping that you —" he stops and
looks at Elliott who shakes his head. He turns to me, "What
Zweli is trying to say is, yes, this is a safe house." He says
holding back tears. I can tell from the forehead veins popping
out. His eyes turn glossy and red too. Zweli holds his hands
together. "You can stay for however long you feel. We won't
be in the house during the day, only for dinner. You can
change and shift things however, just not this dinner table.
Don't move it, not even an inch. The rest of the house is yours
to change so it meets your comfort. We'd like to know at least
48 hours before you leave so we arrange a pilot to take you
back to the city. Your apartment is currently a crime scene for
a month, if you decide to leave before the month is over; you
will be checked in at a hotel. What's on that box are your
things which we were able to retrieve. Laptop, important files,
printed manuscripts and other stuff." Elliott says and asks to
be excused. Zweli kisses him first and Elliott rushes out after.
He looks like he is hiding his tears.
"Help me take the box up to my room. I need to rest,"
I say pushing my chair back and getting up. He nods and then
follows me to the bedroom.
"You weren't belittling my job. You were concerned,"
I say as he closes the door and place the box at the corner. He
walks around the bedroom and draws the curtains in.
"No, I was mad. I was mad that he does all that shit
and he doesn't even compensate the people who make him
money well enough."

29
 "You asked me out," I say sitting on the soft mattress
of the bed.
"I did and I still want to take you out for dinner. I like
you, a lot." He looks straight at me as if reading my soul.
"You're married." It comes out as a whisper.
"If I wasn't married. Would you give me a chance?"
He comes to stand in front of me, forcing me to look at him. I
nod, slowly. The flutters come strongly again. The soft ball of
warmth at the pit of my stomach. He holds my chin up, I feel
the cold band of the wedding ring. He presses on my bottom
lip with his thumb.
"Tender and full. I bet they taste as they look. Even
better huggin' my cock." I gasp hard and he grins. My body
jolts up from the electric rush coming from my toes and up to
the top of my head.
"Breathe!" He commands and I exhale and inhale. He
smiles at me. He lets go and I feel the emptiness as he steps
back. My eyes are glossy, begging. I'm wet from that short
interaction — it has to be the wine.
"Sleep well honey. You'll spend the day with Elliott
tomorrow, he will give you a tour. Try not to cry, he is a baby
when it comes to tears and can't stand them —especially
yours, he cares a lot. Like myself."
I nod and he looks around then says goodnight before he walks
out the room. I let myself fall back to the bed and stare at the
ceiling. The lights go off after a minute and I exhale. I push
myself up and get under the covers.

30
 Fall for us. The both of us…
“You didn't say goodnight yesterday. Are you okay?" I ask
Elliott. We're sitting at the table having breakfast. He nods.
"I'm good. And you? How was your first night?"
"I had no nightmares."
"Good, that's great. I was worried what I did to David
would haunt you." I don't know whether he is joking or
serious. "Did it haunt you?" I ask.
He looks at me for sec and then back to his plate.
"A little bit. It's not regret but fear and worry that you
won't see me for me without seeing the guy who killed the big
man In front of your eyes."
"It's understandable. Our encounters were not joyous.
Both of them," I say and look at him. He flinches and then
raises his eyes to meet mine...
"I was on a job. I had to put on character so that you'd
take the cufflinks and not forget me."
I look at him.
"What do you mean?" I ask, confused. He cuts the
sausage on his plate and take a bite. He chews looking at me.
He swallows still, his eyes buried on mine.
"Those cufflinks recorded conversations David had
during the work hours. That's how we were able to find the
exact communicated time and date. I'm sorry to have offended
you." He goes back to eating his food. I take a sip of the juice
and swallow.
"It's okay. Doesn't matter anymore. I'd like to leave the
house. Zweli said I should tell you guys early, that's what I'm
doing. I'm sure you'll pass the message to him," I announce.
He drops the cutlery on the plate as if I just told him shocking
news.
"You have nowhere to go? Nomsa, please just stay this
week and Zweli and I will take you back to the city. I'm sorry
for how I took you. I was...."
"On a job. Yeah, you've said that a dozen times."

31
 "Where will you go?" he asks. He has now gone back
to his stoic face. Emotions hidden. I look at him and shrug my
shoulders. I push back my chair, get up and go upstairs to the
bedroom. I take a shower and put on loungewear. I sit on the
bed with my laptop and prepare to type a chapter before I
know it, my door flies open. Its Elliott dressed in ripped jeans,
sneakers and a black t-shirt that's hugging his big torso and
ripped muscles. He looks mad. His nose had turned pink -
Elliott is light skinned and it is hard miss his anger. It sits on
his face. He shuts my laptop and commands me to get up. My
breath hitches as he pushes me back to the wall. My back meet
the cold stone wall, for a moment: I stop breathing.
"Breathe!" He commands yet again. He looks straight
at me and his eyes are red as if he is in flames.
He traps me in with his hands above my head, he is an inch
away from making contact but he doesn't. He is careful not to
but I can smell his fresh minty breath.
"I'm not Zweli. I can't talk soft and be patient." His
tone is low and deep. The adrenaline is rushing through me.
"I'm not going to tickle your soft spots and brush you
with feather I don't baby adults, Nomsa," he says.
"What did I do?" I question in a soft tone.
"You existed and I fell for you. Hard."
He looks at me - read into me and suddenly, his lips smash
into mine and I lose my balance as he leads the kiss.
I pull him in with my arms balancing on his shoulder. My
body comes in contact with his and I may have just
experienced an orgasm because I jolt up and he pulls up both
my legs and have them strap around his waist. He grabs my
butt and squeeze my butt cheeks slowly groaning. I have never
had a man dominate me this hard, it feels hot and so great
being owned like this. I squirm in his hold as he takes me and
lays me on the bed. He breaks the kiss and kneels in-between
my legs and looks at me. He removes the braids from my face
and I can make out his bulge under those jeans.
"This is what you do to me. I adore you so much that I
want to dominate you. Protect you. I've never felt this way for

32
a lady before but you…You are the missing piece to a puzzle
in my life. That one piece that fits perfectly and I'm scared that
you don't feel the same."
"You're married," I say. I'm repeating the exact same words as
I did to Zweli last night.
"Tell me you're not attracted to me and I'll stop," he says. I
look at him. It would be a lie to say I don't find him insanely
attractive. That I wouldn't want to hold his bald head as he eats
my pussy until it dries. It would be a lie.
"Elliot... It doesn't work like that," I whisper.
"Tell me you want me to stop," he says pulling my
bottoms off exposing the lace thong. He parts my legs and
kisses my inner thighs.
"Please tell me to stop. I beg you. Please." His voice is
husky and low. He graze his tongue over the fabric. It's already
wet with my juices. They seem to drive him insane and he
devourers the top pulling my thighs to lock his face in.
"Don't stop!" I voice out loud and everything seems to
have come to a halt. An opposite of what I just uttered.
"Elliot. I said don't stop!"
"I'm sorry," he answers then raised his head and
brushes my pussy with his fingers. Too careful to not rip my
lace thong. "I don't do love. I don't fall in love and be crazy
over a person — it's the curse of a romance writer," I tell him.
He makes me feel good, Zweli too but I don't want to promise
anything to anyone that I cannot deliver.
"Honey, love doesn't come at once for your kind.
Women who write romance that is. It comes as attraction first,
as lust and you get on this rollercoaster ride that will
ultimately lead you to a moment where you will sit and look
back. When that moment comes, you will feel that this —
indeed is love. And you'll be sure," he says. I exhale.
I feel understood. As if I had arrived where my feelings and
what I say isn't considered stupid.

33
 "You have Zweli," I voice out. He smiles and leans
down for a kiss.
"That's where you're wrong, honey. We both have Zweli," he
says with a smile and smooches me.
"You mean Zweli knows? I ask.
"I mean Zweli and I are attracted to you. We love you,
him even more than I do. We have loved you for a while now
honey... That's why we can't keep our hands or our feelings
out of the way when it comes to you."
That feels good. I smile and pull him in for a kiss. It's tender
and sweet, it has meaning.
"How would this work? I've never... you know?" I
question as I let out a breath.
"Of course you've never had a relationship with two
guys, I mean th... Wait, what do you mean exactly?" he asks
and I suddenly feel shy.
"I've never had sex with a man before. You and Zweli
will be my first." He smiles, genuinely that his eyes glimmer
and they look like he could cry.
"Oh, honey."
He gets off the bed and leaves me lying there. I sit up and
watch him walk back and forth.
"Like, ever?" He asks. Coming to a standstill.
"Obviously I've used toys but not really a real man.
When you're a child of perfectionists and education maniacs
your life revolves around school and books. And never boys
and pleasure. Reason why I became a writer. I wrote to escape
the reality I lived in." I shrug my shoulders and grab my
bottoms and wear them.
"And it's not a big deal. It's just a vagina that hasn't had
a dick get in it. Don't get all sentimental."
I roll my eyes and get up to fix the bottoms and wear slides.
“And for your information, I've watched porn.
Probably every kind of porn there is. So don't expect me to
know nothing about having sex,” I say and that earns me a
laughter from him.

34
 "I like you. So much now that you're so informed but
haven't done a single thing. We are going to have so much fun.
I think it's time now for that house tour." He says with a smirk
and extends his hand for me to hold. Oh my goodness. Elliot.

****

Tonight, we are enjoying dinner under the orange sunset at the

grand garden. There's a fire pit further down and we're
enjoying a glass of white wine. The chef has prepared a special
dish.
"How was work?" I ask Zweli as I take the last bite of
the food.
"It was okay. We are working on developments of
another case within the city. It is estate related and could you
believe that they..." Elliott shuts him down politely and shakes
his head. "Not the details honey, she was asking in general."
I smile. Zweli looks at me for confirmation and I nod, he
shrugs his shoulders.
"Well, in that case you can tell me what both of you
did while I wasn't here," he says and I hold my breath and
glance at Elliott.
"Breathe Nomsa. We can't keep reminding you!" he
and turns to Zweli with a smile. He tells him what we did. In
exact details. Everything. Including the sex we almost had.
Zweli seems impressed and he glances over at me.
"He tasted those lips before I did," he says looking
straight at me. And I nod as I bite them lightly with my teeth.
"And our little miss is a virgin. The kind that has
watched all kinds of porn in the world. I told her we will have
so much fun with her." Elliott's voice sounds impressed and
excited. Zweli grins.
"Of course you don't think it is sick that Elliott and I
love you and would like you to be ours? Both of us we will
have you?"
I shake my head no.
"Be vocal honey!" Elliott’s husky voice instructs.

35
 "I don't find it sick. I find it hot and sexy. I find it
unconventional and that fact has me extremely wet on this
chair and I'd love to have you both in me. Filling me up and
have me cry in pleasure. Elliott groans when he kisses me, it
sets me off and rips me apart that I lose my breath. When he
reminds me to breathe... When both of you remind me to
breathe I feel taken care of. Comforted" I exhale hard. "I don't
find it sick, Zweli. I find it full filing. Like I had been
wandering off in the world and I've finally met my people. My
tribe. The only thing I'm scared of is I don't fall in love...." I
stop and look around the table.
"The curse of a romance writer." They both say my words
back to me. I release a chuckle. They get up and stand in front
of me. Zweli takes my hand and I get up letting the silk dress
drape down to the soft grass.
Elliott steps to hold me from the back, he sneaks his arms
around my waist and lets my back rest on his chest. Zweli
walks closer and closes the gap between us. I breathe.
"Good girl." Zweli whispers.
"Closer..." I whisper to Zweli and he chuckles. Our
bodies come in close contact. Elliott to my back and Zweli to
my front. I close my eyes and bask in the feeling of warmth.
Zweli's lips slowly clash with mine. He lets me lead the kiss
and slowly my nipples harden and I feel Zweli's bulge on my
tummy and Elliott's to my back. My hands wrap around his
waist and I moan as he deepens the kiss. Elliott begins to
slowly suck on my neck and I feel his hands pulling the straps
of my dress down. Zweli unzips it and I take the rest of it off.
"Should we go back inside?" I ask, looking at Zweli.
"I think that's a great idea." Elliott supports and
quickly sweeps off the ground and carries me bridal style. I
giggle and hold on to him.
"You smell good." I tell Elliot and giggle again feeling
extremely warm. That bit of alcohol must be helping to do the
works.
"And I love carrying you," he says.

36
 "At least now it's not like a sack of potatoes!" I remind
him. "Zweli, did he tell you that he carried me out of that diner
like an invaluable sack of potatoes? Can you imagine that?" I
voice out and Zweli laughs.
"It was wrong of him. How dare!" He says, supporting
my rant. Elliott just shakes his head and before I now it, he
throws me on the king sized bed. It's not my bedroom but
theirs. I can tell from the dark ceiling. They love the colour
black. They strip off their clothes and reveal their ripped
bodies. Elliott has a bit of a belly and Zweli is the man of the
packs.
"I want both of you inside me." I announce.
"We love a queen that is vocal about what she wants!"
Elliott says climbing on the bed. "But not yet sweetheart, let's
work with one hole at a time." He finishes as he spoons me
from the back and rips off the light fabric of my bra exposing
my hard and pierced nipples. He groans at their exposure and
brushes his thumb over the piercings. I can feel his penis
getting larger on my back, it must be painful. I sneak my right
hand between us and hold it. I softly give it a rub and turn to
look him in the eye. He dips his head in and gives me a hot
kiss.
"Shit!" Zweli says as he joins us on the bed. He rips
the lace off and I scream happily at the intensity and
anticipation of it all.
"Be gentle sweetheart." Elliot says pulling me to lie
comfortably on him. He hugs my thighs and parts them open.
I feel the cool air hitting my coochie.
"Your safe word is red. You use it all the time when
you want everything to stop. Do we have your consent?"
Zweli asks. "Yes, yes you do." He smiles and kisses my
forehead.
"Honey, it'll hurt a bit. Like a sting and you will jump
and jolt but don't worry, I got you. Okay?" Elliott assures me
and then plants a soft kiss on my neck.
"Okay," I say.
"Be gentle, honey." Elliott reminds Zweli.

37
 He first comes in with his fingers. I feel them inside
and I gasp in pleasure. He kisses Elliott and then comes to me.
It's soft, meaning and full of care. He quickens the pace of his
fingers and I cry under both their hold. I feel the need to close
my thighs and tighten them. Elliott holds both my thighs open.
“We're here to give you pleasure. You're not alone in
your room where you fantasize. We're here. Zweli has his
fingers in you, can you feel them?" His voice is husky. It
rattles and shifts my soul.
"I do. I do. Honey, I can feel them!" I answer and
Zweli pushes them hard and my clit rubs on his palm. My toes
curl as I cum hard.
"Beautiful," Zweli says.
"You're doing great," Elliot comments.
I feel Zweli’s penis rub on my entrance. He tries with the head
and the tip grips before he groans and take it out. He keeps
rubbing it on top and beating it. It feels better than my vibrator
or sex toys I have used before. It's thick and tissue-like with
veins and it's hard. Its contact with my vagina causes me to
hold my breath. He tries again and looks at me. His eyes are
bloodshot red. Elliott holds my titties and rub them, pulling
my pierces nipples. Zweli nods at me and whispers; "count to
three for me, Mama." Before I can even count one he pushes
it all in and I jolt up and have Elliott tighten his hold. I feel a
drop of something wet on my shoulders. He must be crying...
Oh good lord. Zweli holds it in and looks at me then Elliott
and back at me.
"She feels warm and tight. Her walls are hugging my
dick so good I'm afraid I'll finish before she does."
"How are you feeling?" Elliot asks. Obviously asking
me. "Full but it stings," I answer.
"Try to relax and not clutch him. Breathe honey, I'm
here with you." His voice is husky and the tone is low. Zweli
begins to move and at first it is incredibly painful that I let out
a few tears in response. He goes slowly and I begin to enjoy
the sensation. He is hitting my walls better than any of the
dildo I've had inside of me. He doesn't last and quickly pulls

38
out and cum. I was almost there. My eyes sting with more
tears. He turns me over and I face Elliott.
"You made her cry. Get out!" He voice is stern and full
of warning. Zweli doesn't say anything, he follows command
and walks out. Elliott is now overreacting.
He mouths "I'm sorry" before he pulls me in and gives me a
kiss of comfort. I feel a burning sensation. It's not something
to write home about. Only a reminder that I did something for
the first time. I feel shy as Elliott has me in his comfort.
"I got you." He says. I know.
"It's not Zweli's fault. It was bound to hurt," I say.
He shakes his head. "I saw him, he got carried away."
I cup his face and pull it down to me. I give him a kiss feeling
myself getting hot and wet. I hold his hands back and climb
on top of him.
"You're a baby inside. You care for me too much that
a certain pain that is bound by nature to come has you chasing
Zweli away. I wasn't crying, he didn't hurt me. It was a natural
response." I say positioning myself on him and I insert it
inside of me. This time, there's no hardships. I welcome it and
it actually feels good being filled by his thick warmth. I begin
to go up and down and swiftly work my cervix feeling the
pleasure raining on me. I let go of his hands and place my arms
over his shoulders. I look at him as I hump up and down, I
love this position.
"You're freak!" He says amused. His hands holds my
butt and I follow his rhythm. We moan and groan together
until we reach climax. It feels tense, beautiful like nothing I've
had before. I breathe in and out intensely. Zweli walks back
and Elliott, looking at me announces, "She's a freak! This babe
here isn't a vanilla at all. It just happens that all her fantasies
were locked inside of her head."
"She needs to rest now," Zweli says. I do feel like that
took a lot of exercise.
"Let's take a shower first," Elliott says and I nod in
agreement.

39
We shower in their big shower and I wear Zweli's T-Shirt. I
leave them in their bathroom and head back to my bedroom
upstairs. They need to give each other some pleasure.
I don't even nap that long before my door opens and they both
come in following each other.
"Hey honey. Why did you leave us?" Zweli asks
spooning me from behind and Elliot joining me on the front.
"Well...” I sit up. "I thought you needed your space."
"Our space is your space now. We share it with you."
"Walk me through how our partnership will work? What
happens when I mess up?" I say. They both sit up and hold
me, placing their head on both my shoulders.
"You won't. We won't. We will talk about everything,
how we feel and what we think we'd be best for us. Zweli and
I had our Vasectomies back in university. It was us being
liberal. You won't get pregnant and we are clean. We know
you are too because we went through your shit. We come as a
package. It's either you have us or you don't. But we love you
too much to ever mess things up. We are not expecting
marriage or anything too much from you, we just want our
partnership to flourish because we care and adore each other,"
Zweli says and gives me a kiss.
"Don't feel pressured to anything. It would gut us to
coerce you into something you don't want."
If only they could open me up and see for themselves how I
feel. Satisfied, loved and taken care of. Even the fears I had
are removed from, at least at their assurance. My tears fall
without notice and I look at both of them with a smile. I kiss
Zweli and move to Elliott who has his jaw locked. I chuckle.
"Not every time I let out a tear, I'm hurt or in pain. I'm
happy now. It feels good. This feels good," I say. He nods and
then kisses me. "Every day you'll fall for us. The both of us.
Because we are extraordinary and here to worship you."
Elliott says it out loud and cups my face then kisses me. I
believe that. I spend the night in-between their arms. The
warmth is beyond anything I've ever felt. I feel safe and cared
for. This feeling I have which has my heart skipping a beat, I

40
don't want it to go away. I feel like I could move mountains.
I'm spooned from both side and have 4 hands touching every
part of my body there is. I kiss Elliott's forehead and turn to
kiss Zweli. He exhales and opens his eyes smiling at me. He
snuggles closer and kisses me. This time he leads the kiss and
I struggle with my breath at the pleasure. He climbs on top of
me and kisses me all the way down. He parts my legs and
kisses my wet pussy.
"Ell is a deep sleeper and you taste so good!" He says
laying my worries to sleep. I hold his head as he eats it like he
was deprived of it. He comes back up to kiss me and I taste
myself. He takes off his bottoms and frees the penis. It hits my
tummy warmly that I use my right hand searching for it. He
chuckles and looks at me in the eyes, I feel his body weight
on me. "I want to give it to you slow. Moan with me sweet
honey, will you do that?" He asks, strapping my legs around
his waist. He sneaks his arms under mine and his hands hold
on to the top of my head. I help him insert his penis inside of
me — all of it in. I moan softly. Our bodies are in close contact
that I can feel him slowly sweat. He looks at me and begins to
move, his strokes are slow and deep, they fill me up so good I
cry and moan in his mouth. I lock my legs and I want him all
the way inside. He pulls my tongue and kisses me as I cry and
moan under him. It feels good, too good my pussy is dripping
wet. He increases his pace and we're groaning in each other's
mouth as we go harder and deeper and faster. He screams my
name as we both shoot out our orgasms and I moan harder in
his ear. He kisses me and lays on me. Dropping all of his
weight and I don't mind. He finally removes himself and lays
back on his side.
"We love you, we are in too deep with you that it
would kill us to lose you," Zweli says looking up. It's like
Elliott could hear him say that because he snuggles closer to
me and rests his head on me. Deep inside he's a baby. All that
face he makes yet he cries at small things. I kiss him on the
forehead and he tightens his hold. I'm content. I’m loved by
two men.

41
 Build me a house....
Days go by, weeks and months. It's been a wonderful
three months full of nothing but love and care. I miss them
when they've left the house for work. I'm used to waking up
with two men on my bed. Being held from the front and back
at the same time. Somehow, in the time, they have convinced
me to publish my finished books. Zweli spent one night
reading all of them and he couldn't stop talking about them for
another week. Elliott found me a publisher to work with who
loved all of my stories. I ended up signing a contract for a
trilogy that'll earn me good money. They are always present,
in every aspect.
Our sex life is interesting, every time it's a new thing.
I've had them both inside of me, receiving anal sex has become
my favourite. Having Zweli enter my anal while Elliott enters
from the front, the orgasm that comes is intense. There's not a
place we haven't had sex in, in the house. I'm like a child who
has received candy and can't stop eating it. I've found to love
another thing, watching them have sex. It sends me off.
I've learnt more about them, Elliott loves a statement
piece that is subtle while Zweli wants the attention of
everything. Elliott enjoys a silent dinner, Zweli wants to have
a full blown conversation. Elliott loves carrying me, he carries
me wherever and whenever. If it were by him, he'd stop living
life and focus solely on me. His primary love language is
words of affirmation, he loves it when I tell him he is doing
well and whisper sweet nothings. He falls down on my knees
and he'd be ready to be at my services. Which is funny because
he is this big boy.
Zweli on the other side loves doing things for me, I
could be cooking and he'd be there to chop the onions and tell
me stories. As Elliott communicates more in action, Zweli is
the charter box and his love language is physical touch. I make
sure he feels warm by holding his hand, sneaking up on him
to give him hugs. Having me and Elliott snuggle up to him. It

42
lights him up and he becomes alive. I enjoy their company too
much, too much I fear I won't be able to live elsewhere should
this end. My worry is, I may have fallen for them. Both of
them and if I were to be asked about who I prefer the most; I'd
have a hard time answering.
Today we're preparing for a day out to the city. I must
get new clothes and both of them are coming with me —
Elliott is coming with me and Zweli is heading to the office.
Something is off about Zweli today, he is rather reserved.
"You'll hate shopping. Just stay at home and I'll be
quick, Elliott," I say getting in the car and him getting on after
me. "No, I won't hate it! I'll actually enjoy it," he says giving
me a kiss on the cheeks. Zweli plays some music as we drive
into the city. I spend the rest of the ride laying on Elliott's lap
motion sick. I haven't been on a car trio for the longest and it
shows. Zweli drops us off at the mall and heads to the office.
"He seems off, Zweli," I say to Elliott.
"He is stressed out about something at work. Don't
worry about it, he'll come around."
I nod taking in his hand.
I start at the hair appointment and to the shops to get
summer clothes. Elliott is bored already by my unending
search that he decides to act as my bodyguard and have no say
in clothes I pick. Just pays and carries the bags.
"That dress would be a great fit for you, get it."
I turn to check the voice of this person, it's a man I'm
not familiar with. He is wearing casual clothes with blonde
hair. I smile at him. "Thank you but I have enough dresses in
this fabric."
"A girl can never have too many silk dresses," he says
and I smile taking it off the rack.
"You're right about that! Thank you Sir," I tell him
with a smile.
"Name is actually Eric," he says extending his hand for
me. Before I could take it, Elliott shows up and sneaks his arm
around my waist line in a tight Dom manner and kisses my
forehead. Eric takes back his hand in embarrassment.

43
 "Hey honey. Who is your friend?" Elliott asks and I
roll my eyes and laugh.
"Excuse my partner Eric, he can be a little bit too
much. I'm Kaylee by the way and thanks for your help," I say
and glance at Elliott who looks at Eric with dead cold eyes.
Eric nods and then leave us.
"Who knew you'd be this insecure," I whisper looking
at him with a smile.
"And who knew you ma'am would have a fake name
called Kaylee? You go girl."
He grins and I roll my eyes again.
"Shut up and carry these," I say dumping the clothes
and he grabs them with both his hands.
The rest of our shopping for summer clothes goes well.
I slip in a skimpy lingerie, it's going to be much fun having
them strip it off me. We pass by the adult shop and Elliott
shops for a couple of things, it's exciting for him to be in this
shop because he is such a sex maniac. His motto is; You only
live once to have bad sex. Keep it fun. His chants, not mine.
He sneaks on my back and kisses my neck. I release a low
moan and lay back on his chest as he wraps his arms around
my waist.
"When we get to the house. I want you to peg me with
that rainbow strap-on I just bought. Can you guess what else I
got?" He asks as I'm watching the vibrators and clitoral
clamps.
"Tell me it's a flogger, please." I answer and that
tickles him as he releases an excited squeal.
"Yeah and some cuffs."
"Let's go home. Please," I tell him.
We purchase the rest of the items and he's pushing the trolley
with our things.
"Honey, call Zweli to bring the car around. I'll order
some pizza," I say.
"The network is horrible here, I'll wait for him by the
parking bay where we came in. and you'll just meet us there
when you're done," he says and gives me a kiss on the cheek.

44
 “Alright," I answer. He pushes the trolley to the exit
and I enter the pizza joint. It's so full but I'm really craving
pizza and hot wings after that exercise. I place my order and
turn to check an available seat when a little girl runs towards
me screaming "aunty!"
For a minute I freeze and slowly make out her face. It's
Lineo, my big sister’s child. I get to her level and welcome her
as she throws herself in my arms.
"Hey baby... How are you doing?" I get up kissing her
cheeks and her jumping in excitement. It's been almost 2 years
since we last saw each other yet she still runs into me and sees
me first before her.
"Lineo!! Get back here!" A harsh tone screams. I turn
back and come face to face with the woman who gave birth to
me. She is standing a couple of feet away looking at me in
disgust. Her eyes bulge out and she folds her hands. We're
strangers. It hits my tummy and coils up my intestines. I hold
the lump in my throat and fight my tears.
"Aunty, where have you been? Mommy missed you so
much. We went to your place last Friday and you were not
there, where you live now?" Lineo's tiny voice questions. I
have no energy to answer her. I glance over at mom and she's
still wearing disgust. I walk over to their table holding Lineo
and she's here with dad and another child about a year older.
She must've been birthed after I left the family.
"Put the damn child down. You're a stranger to us!"
Mom hisses at me. Lineo is holding on to me for dear life. I
turn to her and kiss her full cheeks.
"Linny..." I say putting her down. I kneel to her level
and she is still jumpy and hugging me. I hold both her hands
and have her stand still looking at me.
"Aunty has to go now. I love you and send my kisses
to big brother Andy. Okay?"
She nods getting teary.
I give her a hug and kiss her on the cheeks. I stand back
to my height and look around the table.

45
 "You were never going to be good enough for us. Don't
act like you're one of us now, stop confusing the children. It
was better when we thought you died." She mutters. A tear
escapes my eye. Her words gut me down. I thought I was
okay, I thought I was good and if I had met them again I'd act
like the stranger we are supposed to be but there's this thing
called hope. I kept hoping that in the time apart, they'll miss
me and want me back. I kept hoping that after everything,
they'll turn back and see me for me.
"Daddy..." I whisper and look over at him. I wipe the
tear away...
"Leave us alone, Khanyiso! I stopped being your
father the day you defied me! You are nothing to us." He says
looking straight at me with an emotionless face. I exhale and
my eyes burn as the pain rips me apart. I turn on my heels and
walk out of the pizza joint not giving a damn for the order. My
heart is sitting heavily on my throat. My vision is blurred but
I keep walking until I make it out of the exit. I'm losing my
breath at the same time. The next thing I hear is Honey being
called before I fall on his body and let out a heart wrenching
scream. He tightens his hold. I let go and face him, his jaw is
tightened and his anger sits on his nose. His veins are
prominent and he looks ready to kill. I know his blood is
boiling and he needs to know who is responsible for the tears.
"You want to tell me?"
I shake my head and tears freely fall down my face.
"Let's get you home, baby," he says and I nod at that.
We walk to the car and I take the back seat and him the
driver's. I cry all the way home. I keep thinking of how, after
all these years I missed them and they didn't. Not even close,
instead they were happy to know that I was dead. When they
disowned me, they stripped me of the surname and I ended up
getting myself a new identity. It's hard to get a job with my
degree because the names do not match. I had been trying to
get everything changed but it's hard and it costs a lot of money.
Of which, as a struggling waitress who moved to the city to
live in her dead grandma's apartment: it was hard. Extremely.

46
 We get home and find Zweli sitting on the couch
watching TV, more like TV watching him because he is not
paying attention. He notices my sad face, eyes red from
crying. He looks over at Elliott and then back at me. He opens
his arms and I throw myself in them. Elliott joins us after
placing the bags on top of the dining table.
"What happened honey?" Zweli asks again and I tell
them about the encounter. They hold me even tighter and
kisses me. I feel loved and wanted but there's something, the
curse. I'm unable to accept. I wipe my tears and get up. I stand
in front of them and Elliott shakes his head... It’s like he
knows what I'm about to say.
"Please. Don't do it....." He whispers.
I have to. I have no choice but to do it.
"I enjoy living with you two. You make me feel taken
care of. Loved and desired. You remind me that I'm worthy of
your love and affection. Every single day. Not a day goes by
without you guys telling me, assuring me. But in the months,
you may have forgotten that I'm a poison. A curse. I'm not
someone you love. Good lord, you can't love the very same
thing that'll kill you...."
"Don't run from us, honey. Please don't do it," Zweli
begs and I shake my head.
"I'm not running... I'm..." I stop and let the tears fall. I
sniff and look at them again. "I'm saving you from the poison
that is me. I am removing myself from this partnership...
Before things fall too complicated."
"You don't mean that!" Elliot says in a darkened tone.
"True, I don't. Because as me, I don't know what is
meaningful and what isn't. Only I am sure that this is the only
way I'll live without the guilt of ruining things. Letting both
of you go. I'll leave the house too and..."
"Where will you stay?" Zweli questions.
"My publicist has an apartment she'll put me in. I'm
sorry. But I have to do this." I exhale.

47
 Elliott gets up and takes my hand in his. He looks at
me with eyes full of tears. He is trying his all to hold them.
He hugs me and kisses my forehead.
"When you love someone you let them go and you
hope that somewhere in the story of life, they'll find their way
back to you. I love you so much honey. I adore every inch and
curve of you. You've brought so much light in my life, in
Zweli's life and it would be a sin to not let you go when you
want to. It would be us being greedy."
He kisses my forehead and hugs me tight. He lets go
and leave the room. Zweli gets up and cups my face. I hold on
to his waist. Our bodies come in close contact.
"I wish you could see yourself from our point of view.
How hard it is for us to do this because we love you. In your
quest of finding your feet again in the world, I hope learn to
love yourself like we do. I hope you recognize that your
brilliance goes beyond what your parents, family did to you.
You are wanted, loved and we look for your greatness in all
the things we do. Elliot and I, we will hope that you return to
us... We are home, honey." Tears fall as my heart breaks in
million pieces. Zweli kisses me and thereafter let go. The rest
of the afternoon and evening goes on without me seeing them.
Elliott is probably in the upstairs library or sleeping. Zweli
said he is going to the office to work. I spent the hours packing
and a crying mess.
I sleep alone like the first time I came in here. Deep in
the night, I feel cold arms sneaking around me. My heart leaps
up as I snuggle closer. The mattress dips as another one joins.
They don't say anything but hold me through the night. Good-
byes are never sweet and that is why, when the sun is up, I
wake up to an empty bed with a letter detailing all my travels.
I get up and get ready. I tour the house for the last time and I
feel empty as the chopper leaves the farmhouse back to the
city. It lands on the building I'm supposed to live in.

48
 My publicist: Yolanda welcomes me to the Blue Point
complex. It's at the city center and exactly what I need — to
be around busy people. The place is okay, it feels empty but
it’ll do the work. We get to work immediately, launching my
image as the new author in the block. And that's what I spend
the next three to four weeks working on with the publisher.
The face, the image and launching my personal brand as a
romance writer. The publisher picks up my other works and
we decide to publish the romance series at once.
My books go live after 6 months of intense work. It is
quiet in the first week and suddenly, like a barrier has been
shot open: there's noise about my books. Too much noise that
the series flies off the shelves as the publisher had anticipated.
I spend my nights contemplating calling and asking
if they are doing well. Question if things are still okay but I
don't.... Instead, I try and bask in the fact that my books are
flying off the shelves and I've made it to national news and
international stand. I collaborate with other authors and attend
every bookish event there is as an act of trying to bury the
loneliness. Trying to convince myself that I'm an outsider and
I belong outside the club... Not where people risk their hearts
and fall deeply in love. It's called a club of denial. An
emotional suicide.
But for a moment, in my career, everything goes
extremely well. I've been scared for nothing. Even as the bad
reviews come, I take them with grace because I have a whole
community of readers rallying behind my work. It's a job well
done. A year of working and three books later, it feels good to
finally live off doing what I love and studied for.

49
 Heartbreak anniversary....
It has been a year with six months since I walked out
of their lives and launched myself as a published author. My
books have turned to be international best sellers. Elliott set
me up with a publishing house that values my work. They
value me even better now that I earn them great return for their
investment in me. It doesn't feel like I'm being used because
I've now turned myself to be a marketable person and not just
a writer that writes. I have ties with them but perks of having
grown up in a house full of finance gurus, I've used that
knowledge to my advantage. The tactics they used and
whispered unto me thinking I'd turn to be an accountant.
On the topic of my Ex-parents: living in the city as a
full-time writer, I have bumped into them a lot of times. At
first, I'd almost shit my pants and then spend days trying to
recover from reject. The more I bumped into them, the more I
experience their rejects, and loved them less and less. It began
to not sting at all until it stopped. One day, I just stopped
feeling anything. We could sit in opposite tables and I
wouldn't flinch or cry. I reached the stage where I finally
accepted that the people who used to be family chose to be
strangers because I chose something that made me happy.
I stopped hoping and trying to please them and began
living my life. I lived it, I attended therapy and dealt with stuff
that I thought were never possible to deal with. I became
whole again. A full me; redefined.
The sunny skies have the birds dancing outside and I
sit on the café drinking my coffee with Yolanda next to me.
We've been brain-storming the roll out of my books.
"We need to work on your next books as soon as
possible if we want to meet the set deadline by the publisher.
There's also talks of the first book being picked up for a TV
series because it is loved so much. You know?" she says
sipping the tea. I nod, I've heard them and the publisher will
have to fight for me to have full creative control. I don't trust

50
production houses to bring my imagination to life without me
there. I close the laptop, take off my glasses and just exhale.
"Have you ever missed someone in your life? They are
at reach but you keep thinking if they'll be there too, waiting
on you? I don't know. I feel like they moved on." I shrug my
shoulders and look at Yolanda who smiles at me.
"I think we never know until we try. You have learnt
to deal with reject, what's the worst that could happen?"
She asks and truly, what's the worst? Obviously not
something that hasn't happened before. Nothing shocks me
anymore in life.
"You know, Yolanda, at some point we need to choose
ourselves for our happiness. In my life, I've spent so much
time trying to please others. Trying to prove to them if I do
things my way then it'll be okay. Today, about a year and nine
months ago, I fell in love with 2 men. They were married to
each other and they fell in love with me too. Unconventional?
I know," I say and Yolanda laughs looking at me. I continue,
"But I thought — nah, I don't fall in love. I don't know
what I thought what love is but now, I realize that I actually
was very wrong. I love those two with everything in me. My
life makes no sense without them, I miss them so much that I
can't even imagine myself without them. The past year has
been good to my work and my wellness. I guess, being at the
city, not running away from my past family and actually
facing them instead of creating scenarios of what would I do
if I met them… it helped."
"Would you mind writing a biography? Your life
seems interesting. A book I'd like to read," she says sipping
on the tea and I crack up. Always looking for ways to make
more money; typical Yolanda.
"I will think about that. But right now, I need to go and
beg two men to take me back," I say, standing up to fix my
silk dress.
"How do I look?" I ask Yolanda.
"Like a babe about to get back her 2-dicks! Go!
Nomsa!!" She squirms and I roll my eyes and grab my purse.

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 "I'll call you when I get the chance, if it all goes well.
I'll be spending a couple of days at a farmhouse getting my
intestines rearranged by two big boys." I wink at her.
"Too much details. Just go already."
I laugh and kiss her goodbye then walk out of the café.
I catch a bus to the city where their offices are. I feel somewhat
different as my feet land me on the 15th floor. I head to the
receptionist whose eyes bulge out when she seems me, my
face has become easily recognizable these days.
"I loved your books!" she says, first thing and I smile.
"Thank you so much, are the Johnsons in?"
"Oh excuse me, I'm too excited. Yes, they are in Mr.
James Johnson's office. They asked to not be disturbed. I can
call and ask them first?"
"No, no! Please don't. It's actually a surprise and don't
worry, you won't get in trouble for letting me in." I search in
my purse for the ticket to the VIP lounge in my book launch
happening this Saturday. I hand it to her and her eyes bulge
out and she almost jumps in excitement!
"Is this? Oh God!”
"A ticket to the VIP lounge of my book launch, yes it
is," I confirm. I turn on my heels and head to Zweli's office.
There's a do not disturb sign, but I am not just anybody. I don't
care to knock.
I walk in and my eyes settle on Zweli's first. He places
the phone down and a smile is plastered on his face. He takes
a couple of steps and envelopes me in a hug. Elliott walks out
of the bathroom saying something. "Honey look!" That's all it
takes for Elliott to notice me and he stands still in one place
with hands in his pockets. Oh, he is sulking. I look at Zweli
who shrugs his shoulders and let me walk over to Elliott. I
plant a soft kiss on his lips and watch him ease out and hug
me so tight that he almost snaps my bones.
"Okay big boy! I'm here. Mama's home now!" I say
laughing feeling my eyes tear up. He cups my face and kisses
me. It feels good. It feels like I've arrived home and it is right.

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Zweli's hand sneaks up from the back and we stand there in a
sandwiched hug feeling ourselves full again.
"Zweli and I had each other before you. But after you,
darling we were empty and it didn't feel right to do anything
without you. Don't you ever! Ever run away from us."
"I won't. I had to take a break from you guys because
I would've been too toxic. Now I know. It was love. All along
it was love that I was hiding. I was not holding myself from
feeling it, I felt it and experienced it but I was hiding from it.
Not anymore. Now, I love you out loud. I love you two so
much that..." I turn to Zweli and kiss him. "I cannot imagine
my life without you. I don't care about anything but us. Here,
me with you and you with me," I say.
"Those toys are still unused," Zweli whispers.
"And what were you thinking, Mr Johnson?" I ask.
"That we head home and do a little reunion. We're
thirsty."
"Good lord! A year and something of no sexual
intercourse has us going insane," Elliott mentions and I
quickly turn to him with a smile.
"Sweet love, you didn't go celibate now did you?"
"We also fasted!" Zweli says kissing my neck.
"Let's head home loves," I announce. They quickly
pack their stuff and we laugh all the way to the parking lot.

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 Keep Breathing…
It's the day of my book launch. The anticipation is
killing us. I wake up in the warm arms of someone, it feels
good and right. It's been like that the past days. The scent tells
me it's Elliott. I tap the other side and it's empty, I open my
eyes and look at him.
"Good morning, where’s the other one?" I ask. He
snuggles me closer and kisses my forehead.
"On a work call downstairs, they are on top of this
investigation they've been working on. It's related to finance
fraud. Tell me, are you excited about today?" He asks getting
on top of me. I part my legs and welcome his grace.
"Very much. I have a feeling that things will go well."
"Things will go well honey." He kisses my neck and
goes down to suck on my titties. He returns to my lips again
and it's slow. Elliott doesn't do slow.
"Ell?" I call.
"Let me give it to you," he says. I let him. I let him lay
me down and gives it to me. He rattles my soul and curls my
toes, he shouts my name and I wither at his great strokes. He
tells me he loves me and for the first time, I say it back. I say
it back full of meaning and love because I love him too.

"We should get you ready, we don't want Yolanda

blowing up the phone because you're late," he says. Slowly
pulling out after an intense orgasm. I take his penis with my
right and slowly stroke it, I feel it growing again.
"We could go all day," he whispers.
"I want to go all day.... Get the lube!"
"Honey, you sure?"
"Yes!" I confirm. He kisses me and pulls the lube out
of the drawer. I feel the cold gel as he rubs it on my anal hole.
He inserts his finger in and there's that feeling I've been
missing. The tensity that not even a dildo could give me. I rest
my legs on his shoulders as he inserts his penis in. I jolt and

54
clutch him in for a bit before he begins to work on it. I don't
want it to stop. The chase of something great.
"Elliott!" I cry as he begins stroking harder. He sets his
thumb on my clit and begins to rub it intensely. He turns his
hand and insert fingers in my wet coochie... The door flies
open and Zweli walks in. We stop and look at him, falling
breathless. He has a smile on. "This is a good view...." he says.
"Stop looking and come join us. You're needed."
Elliott announces. Zweli quickly strips off and Elliott pulls out
leaving me feeling empty. The bed dips as Zweli joins in. He
turns me over and has my ass in the air. His penis rubs from
the wetness of my coochie and straight in my anal opening. I
jolt and scream as I welcome him in beautifully. Elliott pulls
the dildo and clit clamps then hand it to Zweli who insert them
in their rightful places. My tummy flutters warmly. This is the
pleasure I've been missing. This, exactly like this.
"Elliott, I need you in my mouth..." I say.
"Needs are to be met!" He says and cups my face. He
kneels near my face and I take it all in. He leans over and I
hear them kiss. I feel full and filled. Zweli begins moving
before I choke and take Elliott's dick down my throat. My ass
bounces welcoming the anal penetration. I cry and tears fall
down at the full mouth, ass and pussy. The pinch of the clit
clamps sends me to an intense climax that my legs vibrate as
I come hard. Elliott removes himself from my mouth and I'm
turned over again. Elliott enters my anal as Zweli removes the
dildo and shut all his dick inside of my coochie. Before I can
even recover, their quick and fast paced stroke causes me to
scream and I yelp hard. It goes straight to my head and climax
intensely. They cum right after me and we collapse side by
side on the bed. This is it. What I want. What I need. Having
both of them here.
We take a nap and wake up an hour later, Zweli has to
head to the office. Elliott is driving me to the launch. We bath
and get ready. My legs are wobbly but I'm feeling good.
Content like everything is okay and well.

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 "Hey ma, you're ready?" He asks walking in. I'm
wearing a pink suit with sneakers. I have my braids styled
perfectly.
"Yes, I'm ready," I say smiling at him. I give him a kiss
and he is looking good in that black tux of his.
We get to the Venue in time and Yolanda is happy. My
make-up is done and it's go-time.
"Hey baby, they're about to call me on stage. Wish me
luck!" I say to Elliott and he gives me a kiss.
"Kick a butt. I'll sit at the front row watching you talk,"
he says. I blow him a kiss before Yolanda pulls me to the near
stage. They set me up with a microphone, test it and
countdown from 10 before I walk into an arena that is full. I
knew I had fans but it never sat to me that I had accumulated
this much just from writing a series. The power of romance
books. The cheers are deafening and when I step on the
podium and raise my hand, the arena goes silent you could
hear a pin drop. I take a deep breath and look over at Elliott
with a smile. He nods and gives me a thumbs up.
"My name from birth is Khanyiso Kayleen Grootbom.
I was birthed by the financial tycoons, Nandipha and Andile.
I was raised in a wealthy home that loves education. All my
big sisters went to university to become great things in the
financial Field. I was to become the next great thing in finance
too. Unfortunately, in all golden ducks, there has to be the ugly
one. And I was the ugly duckling. The black sheep who cared
less about the stock market..." I take a deep breath and sure to
look around the arena. I have people's attention and I'm telling
my story. "I cared about fiction. I cared about making up fake
worlds where these brilliant characters live. I developed my
skill of writing. I attended workshops, I made friends and went
to school to study to it. I lied to my then parents and told them
I was a finance major. I was majoring in English and they
disowned my fine ass after finding out. Stripped me of
everything they had given to me and made out of me. Even
the name I adored. I had to rename myself and I chose Nomsa
Bright. It's taken from my grandma's name who left me her

56
apartment when she died. Hers was Nomusa and I felt like
Nomsa was perfect because it gave the idea that I was a junior.
I changed my name. I fell from grace. When it was expensive
to change my certificates to have my new names, I decided to
use all I had learnt in school. I worked and still kept my
passion of writing because I believe in it more than anything.
I live it. I breathe it. Books are my life!" I look around and
still, I have them listening to me. Quietly. It's the respect.
"I chose what I love. I chose what stood out for me and
it paid off. Still in the manner of choice, I fell in love with two
men. Well — they fell in love with me first and..." I glance
over at Elliott and he is smiling. So are the people in this room
"I fell deeply in love with them too." Elliott blows me a kiss
and I place my hand to my heart as a gesture for I caught it.
"I didn't fall for two men because monogamy is
overrated, absolutely not. I fell in love with those men because
love never follows a linear pattern. It is something that can
never be caged or categorized. Love breaks protocol and goes
beyond the rules of normal. In a world full of chaos, always
choose the love that'll set you free."
I close my introduction and the cheers are loud, people
get up their seats and just clap for more minutes.
I step off the podium and on the front stage with
Yolanda who will interview me for the books. It's time to talk
characters, plot twists and story arcs.
We spend the next hours having conversations, some
painful some funny but all of it educational and fulfilling. By
the time we end the event, I'm so pumped I want to do it again.
"Write more books and we will host these daily,"
Yolanda says and I throw my head back and laugh. I receive
flowers, sign books and take pictures. After all of it, we head
back to the hotel for the after party.
"Oh hey, Elliott said he'll meet you at home. He is
sorry to have left the event halfway," Yolanda says handing
me another box of chocolate and flowers which have a note
from Elliott. I smile to myself. This is a good day. The driver

57
arrives at the hotel and we check ourselves in. I take a shower
and wear the hotel robe.
I'm trying to tie my braids in an up do when my phone
rings, it's Elliott.
"Hey baby, where are you? Are you with Zweli?" I ask
happily but there's silence. No one is talking. I check the caller
ID and it's Elliott.
"Is it the network, hello?"
"No baby! No!" Elliot responds. His voice is low and
he sounds down. My heart launches to my stomach.
"Elliott, what's wrong?"
"Are you sitting down?" He asks sniffing.
"Tell me. What happened?" I can hear the sirens at a
distance. "It's Zweli!" He cries.
My tongue tastes salty and my limbs becomes incredibly
numb that I fall down on the floor feeling an inside stab from
my stomach. I breathe in and out with a racing heart. His voice
breaks before he says the words that cause my heart to beat
through my ears and leave me gasping for air.
"Zweli has been shot. It's bad."
The room is spinning and my mind is trying to make sense of
this sudden impact.
"Is he still alive?" I ask.
It is something, in my life I never thought I'd ask especially
not for someone I recently reunited with and love dearly.
There's a tradeoff that seems to happen in life, with
every extreme high, there's an incredible low. It makes it hard
to enjoy the happy times because when I swing from the
chandelier, the rope rips and the glass crystals will stab my
heart and I'll find myself begging the universe for another
chance to breathe. A last time for something. A last time to
hold on for a while. A last time to dance with them. A last time
to have them fuss over me. Just another couple of more
minutes... a bit of this and that. But I never get it. Instead, I get
a sudden impact that leaves me paralyzed.

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 "He's gone..." he whispers. My heart snaps into two
that I feel blood pouring out the veins and to every opening in
me as my head meets the ground.
He's gone. He's dead. They've covered him with a
black plastic on the side of the road
The curse of life. With every breath inhaled for the
first time, a breath is exhaled for the last time. It's the trade off
with the universe. In the highs, I've had a chance to adore
Zweli. Love him and listen to him talk all night. I've had the
chance to have him make sweet love to me, he has made sure
to carry me with love too. Assuring me that everything good
comes from me. It has been love at first coffee stain. It has
been love from the get go. A sweet love. As I lay on the floor
with tears falling to my sides, I keep reminding myself to
breathe again. Because he didn't get to and if he could say
something to me for the last time, it would be:
Breathe, Nomsa.

59
Thank you for finding the time to read this story. I hope, like
Nomsa, you remember to breathe.

Liz. <3

60
About the writer

Lizole Jalajala is a South African writer who began writing

at the age of 15. She believes that when we read, we become
better people. She shares her work through a Facebook page
and has no officially published work yet.
Other work by her: I am in love with a Sangoma
The Number Nineteen
Black and White
The White Jacket
A Trip Abroad
Visit her writer page on Facebook: Written by Lizole Jalajala
Email: lizolejalajala@gmail.com

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