WorkBoundaries WhitneyLiving

WORK
BOUNDARIES
find the courage to say “no”
know when to say “yes”
make work, work for you
with Whitney Living

BOUNDARIES STEP 1 Understanding Boundaries
What are boundaries?

Boundaries refer to the limits that separate one thing from another. Physical
boundaries are things like fences, hedges, walls and property lines. They tell
people “This is mine.” while also making it clear that “This is what I am
responsible for. This is what I take ownership over.”
Personal boundaries are like invisible fences. While personal boundaries can’t be
seen with your eyes, they are still very real. These boundaries are the standards,
limits, responsibilities and expectations in relationships.
Boundaries define you as a person. They allow you to be
01 your most authentic self, helping you maintain a healthy

sense of who you are.
Boundaries determine what you allow and accept. How you
02 allow people to treat you and how you treat yourself are
reflections of your boundaries.
Boundaries help you take ownership over your life. You are in
03 charge. Your hands are on the wheel. Whatever direction you

want to go in, boundaries help get you there.
Boundaries help you keep the good in and the bad out.
04 They help you clearly identify what you want in your life
and what you want to keep out of your life.
Boundaries help you create a healthy, balanced, fulfilling,
05 well-rested life full of growth and achievement. They give

you the structure that protects you, heals you and supports
your personal growth.
with Whitney Living copyright 2024

Work Boundaries
In a work setting, things like job descriptions, management software and KPIs
(Key Performance Indicators) help define your roles. They define what you are
responsible for, but they don’t give you a safeguard against threats to your
personal boundaries. They’re guidelines and can easily be taken advantage of by
your bosses as well as your coworkers.
For example, your job description may be as clear as day, but your boss sees
that you can be counted on to do all your work ahead of schedule. They take
advantage of your dedication by piling more on your plate. Sometimes you’re
even given work that doesn’t align with your responsibilities simply because
your boss knows you will get it done.
Eventually, you no longer have a set job description. You’re responsible for a
variety of tasks that don’t necessarily align with your skillsets, but you could be
counted on to do them, so they became your responsibility.
To protect yourself you must have clear parameters. If you don’t guard your life,
it becomes very limited. Your work overwhelms your time and mind to the point
that, whether you like it or not, it becomes your number one priority.
When this happens you become stressed, overwhelmed and limited in what you
can achieve. Your work becomes an exhausting chore instead of a source of
growth and achievement.
A lack of boundaries causes you stress, begins to affect your health and
ultimately causes you to dislike your job. Your work feels meaningless, and you
no longer feel fulfilled. In an extreme case you may develop depression, chronic
anxiety and even PTSD-like symptoms.
On the other hand, guarding yourself with boundaries opens your world, gives
you the clarity to define your life and helps you best identify what you can open
yourself up to (new opportunities, promotions, personal growth) vs what you
need to cut yourself off from (unnecessary work, stress, misplaced obligations).

A Lack of Work Boundaries

A lack of boundaries creates major problems in the workplace. Everything from
issues with upper management to being paid less than you're worth can be
attributed to a lack of boundaries. When you learn to take responsibility for
yourself, your own work, and set clear and appropriate boundaries, many of the
problems you face at your job will disappear.
What A Lack of Work Boundaries Looks Like:
Working beyond your paid hours.

Working for less money than you’re worth.
Allowing your coworkers or boss to belittle you.
Letting people burden you with a heavier workload than you can manage.
Saying “yes” when you should say “no.”
Working late and coming in early.
Letting others take credit for your work and ideas.
Struggling to prioritize work.
Fixing problems you didn’t create and aren’t responsible for.
Anticipating the needs of others.
Taking responsibility for people you don’t manage.
Letting people take advantage of our kindness and generosity.
Not holding others accountable.
Allowing people to speak or act inappropriately towards you or others.

Appropriate Boundaries
Boundaryless work is unsustainable. It will eventually wear you out. Whether it
be physically, mentally, emotionally or a combination of two or three, your lack
of boundaries will be your downfall.
The good news is that you can create a better work life for yourself using
boundaries. Everyone can! Boundaries are available for the taking. Setting the
right boundaries is all about identifying appropriate boundaries. Once you know
which work boundaries need setting, it’s simply a matter of professionally
implementing them.
Appropriate boundaries help

protect you from being…
Overworked Stressed Misrepresented

Underpaid Misused Falsely accused
Poorly managed A scapegoat Belittled
Bullied Devalued Ignored
Micromanaged Misguided Disrespected
Anxious Undervalued Passed over
It’s common for someone to think that being overworked, underpaid and
stressed are “just work” or “just life.” I urge you to refuse to become that
person. These things are common, yes, but they are simply the results of a lack
of boundaries. If everyone in the workforce discovered boundaries tomorrow,
there would be a massive shift for the better.
The current state of the workforce is the result of a lack of boundaries, which
means you have the power to change your work life with boundaries.

Appropriate Boundaries
What are appropriate work boundaries?
Appropriate work boundaries need to work for everyone. While some people
might find it difficult to except new boundaries that you put in place, that type
of friction is normal and it’s okay so long as your boundaries aren't
overreaching.
You never want intentionally cause any harm by setting a boundary. Is it possible
that someone might be hurt by a boundary you set? Yes, that's possible but
sometimes hurt feelings are unavoidable and the goal is to set boundaries that
improve your life and everyone's life around you. Others may not be able to see
the bigger picture in the beginning but you establishing appropriate boundaries
will benefit them in the long run.
Boundaries aren't about controlling other people. They're all about controlling
what you can control about your own life. An inappropriate boundary is a
boundary that hurts others or tries to control others.
As you choose and set appropriate boundaries for yourself, remember to

respect the boundaries set by others. If someone communicates their limits,
honor and acknowledge them without pressuring or challenging their decisions.

Boundaries and Prosperity

We’ve already touched on this a little bit, but you might be surprised to know
how much a lack of boundaries is related to things like depression, anxiety,
addictions, eating disorders, issues with shame and guilt and impulsive
disorders.
That’s not all. A lack of boundaries can result in an overall lack of prosperity.
Even financial struggle can be a result of a lack of boundaries.
Boundaries will save your life. Not only will they protect you now, but they will
also have positive compound effects on your future. Without them you will
suffer. With them you will thrive.
People who have appropriate boundaries are at peace. The more mature their
boundaries are, the more control they have over their lives, the more relaxed
they are and the more mentally stable they are. People with boundaries have a
life of direction and they are moving towards their personal goals at a steady
and sustainable pace. They plan ahead and they keep moving.
We don't guard what we don't value. If there are parts of yourself and your life
that you don't value, you won't guard them. Even your greatest gifts and the
things that give you value as an employee might be left unguarded and at great
risk of being devalued or taken advantage of.
Do you value your skills? Do you value your peace? Do you value your worth?
Do you value your drive and determination? Do you value your experience? Do
you value your health and happiness? Then it’s time to guard what you value.
When people don’t take ownership of what is theirs, they make it available and
vulnerable to everyone around them. Every wonderful thing about you (what
makes you, you) will be taken advantage of if you don’t protect it with the
safeguard that is boundaries. Like locking your doors, you must protect what is
valuable about you. You’re worth protecting.

Boundaries and Prosperity

Poverty can be a result of a lack of boundaries, and often is. While this may be a
hard pill to swallow if you’re in a difficult situation financially, it should give you
a great deal of hope for your future. You hold the key to a better financial future
through boundaries.
Do any of these describe you?
Stuck in a dead-end job

Haven’t received a raise in over a year
Living paycheck to paycheck
Depending on credit cards to survive
Carrying the weight of significant debt
Struggling to find a new job
Stuck in a career that isn’t enjoyable
Making less than the industry standard
Stayed in a long-term job without compensation for being a loyal employee
In order to avoid the above career blunders, you must have strong boundaries. If
you’re stuck in a dead-end job and/or living paycheck to paycheck, chances are
you have devalued yourself throughout your career by not setting boundaries.
We all have our own ups and downs throughout our careers. You’re not alone!
With appropriate boundaries in place, it’s only a matter of time before you start
to see your career come to life.
The sustainability of your career is dependent on boundaries. Your career will

cause you suffering without them, yet it will flourish with them.

Your Boundaries Help Others

First and foremost, your work boundaries are meant to help you. You are the
priority. That said, you are going to be pleasantly surprised by the good your
boundaries can and will do for the lives of the people around you.
Example:
I landed a job I had wanted for over a year (and I was excited!). As I was being
onboarded, I was told that I would be expected to work weekends. This was
never mentioned in the job listing or during the month-long interview process.
It meant that I would be working 7-days per week with no breaks.
It was clear to me that the owner intended to overwork me, the same way he
overworked everyone on his small team. I firmly stated that I would not be
working weekends, and when I did it made my new coworkers nervous. They
didn’t know how he would react.
He retracted his demand.
I stayed with the company for several years and throughout that time I was
personally responsible for shifting this area of the company culture. I watched
as each of my coworkers developed their own boundaries around working
weekends, late nights and holidays.
The owner never had the intention to honor our time off. He would continue to
try and violate our boundaries but each of us successfully advocated for
ourselves and over time things shifted.
It was wonderful to see my coworkers view me as an example and follow my

lead. You’re going to be a strong example to others too.
Your boundaries will not only benefit you, they will also benefit the people
around you.


Your boundaries play a crucial role in interpersonal relationships and contribute
to creating a healthy and respectful work environment.
Here's how your boundaries can benefit others:
Respectful Communication: Establishing personal boundaries helps you

communicate your needs and limits effectively. People will love and appreciate
working alongside you when they realize that you know how to interact with
people kindly and respectfully.
Mutual Understanding: Boundaries foster mutual understanding between you

and your bosses and coworkers. Knowing and respecting each other's
boundaries promotes empathy and cooperation. If you’re in a work environment
that has a lack of boundaries you can lead the way in setting new, appropriate
and healthy boundaries, and developing mutual understanding.
Emotional Well-being: Maintaining boundaries is essential for your peace and

happiness. By setting limits through boundaries, you can avoid situations that
may be emotionally taxing. This will help keep you in a more positive and stable
state of mind. Your well-being will be felt by others.
Building Trust: Clearly defined boundaries build trust in relationships. When

people know that their boundaries will be respected, they are more likely to
trust and feel comfortable with one another. By setting boundaries with your
bosses and coworkers, you will learn who you can trust. The people who respect
your boundaries are trustworthy and the people who disrespect, ignore or even
mock your boundaries can’t be trusted.
Have no fear! We will cover how to deal with untrustworthy peopl, in the
following pages so you have all the tools you need to effectively manage any
pushback your new boundaries might trigger.


Preventing Conflict: Boundaries help prevent conflicts by helping you set
expectations for how you’re treated and how people interact with you. When
people understand and respect boundaries, misunderstandings and
disagreements are rare and minor. By setting your own boundaries you will be
helping others learn to treat you better which will in turn help them treat others
and even themselves better.
Encouraging Healthy Relationships: Healthy relationships are built on mutual

respect and understanding. By setting and respecting boundaries, you will
contribute to the creation and maintenance of positive and fulfilling work
connections.
Reducing Stress: Clear boundaries can reduce stress by helping you and others
avoid situations that may cause discomfort or anxiety. In any high-stress work
environment there is a lack of boundaries. The more boundaries that are in
place, the more peaceful and productive a work environment is.
Facilitating Growth: Boundaries give people the space and conditions they need
for personal and interpersonal growth. This includes the opportunity to learn
from experiences and adapt. By introducing new, appropriate and important
boundaries to your workplace you can help people grow in ways they never
imagined or never thought possible. When you grow together great things can
happen.
Your work boundaries contribute to the overall well-being of both yourself and
others. They serve as guidelines for respectful interactions, they enhance
communication, and create the foundation for positive and meaningful
relationships.
When you lead the way in setting boundaries, you’re not only helping yourself,
but you’re also helping everyone around you.

BOUNDARIES STEP 2 Identifying Boundaries
Identifying Boundaries
Identifying the personal boundaries you need to be your happiest and most
productive self is the next step to setting appropriate boundaries.
Here are effective ways to identify the boundaries you need. We will cover all of
these in depth.
Pay Attention to Your Feelings: Notice how you feel in different situations and
interactions. If you feel uncomfortable, stressed, or anxious, it may be a sign
that a boundary has been crossed.
Pay attention to your reactions in various situations. If you find yourself

consistently reacting negatively or feeling resentful, it may indicate a need to
establish or communicate boundaries.
Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your values, beliefs, and priorities.

Consider what is important to you in different aspects of your life, such as
relationships, work, and personal well-being.
Identify Your Limits: What can you handle and what makes you feel stretched or
overwhelmed?
Think about past experiences where you felt uncomfortable or unhappy. What
were the circumstances, and what boundaries might have prevented those
negative feelings?
Consider Your Needs: Identify your needs and priorities. What do you need to
feel supported, respected, and fulfilled? Recognizing your needs helps establish
boundaries that protect your well-being.
Evaluate Your Time and Energy: Assess how you allocate your time and energy.
Are you overcommitting? Are there areas where you feel drained? Adjusting
how you invest your resources can help establish boundaries.

Identifying Boundaries
To help identify boundaries you need to set, ask yourself these three questions.
1. What is taking up too much of my time, energy and mental space?

2. What tasks, activities or expectations are working against me?
3. What is stopping me from growing?
Your boundaries are unique to you. What drains you or brings you down might
be a source of enjoyment for someone else. Don’t feel pressured to set a
boundary based on examples you see listed in this guide, if they don’t align with
what you want and need. Your boundaries are your choice.
With that in mind, what are the things you’ve done or experienced that you’re
no longer willing to accept? What things do you never want to do or experience
again?
Examples to Inspire You:
I will no longer work nights or weekends

I will not work for mean or unreasonable people
I will no longer answer work calls after hours
I will not compromise my morals and values
I will no longer allow myself to be overworked
I will no longer attend unstructured meetings
I will not work for little-to-no pay
I will no longer miss time with family
I will not neglect myself anymore
I will not miss out on the important, personal events in my life
I will no longer let my relationships suffer because of work
I will not accept a pay raise less than I have earned
I will no longer miss dinner with my family
I will not work holidays
I will no longer accept work that doesn’t fall within my job description

What Causes You Stress?

Before you start setting boundaries, you first need to identify what makes your
work life manageable and fruitful vs what makes you feel overwhelmed and
unhappy.
Think about how you feel in different situations and interactions. Reflect on your
stress responses in different circumstances.
Start by listing your stressors. It’s important to include all past and current work
stressors. While you may not be dealing with the same stresses at work that you
have in the past, there’s a chance past stresses can creep up again so go ahead
and include them, below.


How Have You Compromised?

Take time to reflect on your morals, values, beliefs, and priorities. How do you
feel that you have compromised?
Your compromises might be as innocent as bringing a little work home from

time to time or they might be more significant. You may feel deep-seated shame
for compromising your morals.
Boundaries will help you let go of guilt, shame and frustration around
compromising. First, you must be honest with yourself about how you have
compromised.
Here are some examples:
“I prioritize my work over my family.”

“I cave to the pressure of using dishonest sales tactics.”
“I didn’t stand up for my coworker who was being harassed.”
“I don’t leave my work at work.”
“I let my boss talk down to me.”
“I let someone else take credit for my hard work.”
“I didn’t advocate for a coworker who deserved recognition.”


What Needs Do You Have?

Everyone has different needs, but the fundamentals apply to most everyone.
Common workplace needs include:
Fair Compensation: You want to be paid fairly for your skills, experience, and
contributions. Without fair compensation you feel taken advantage of.
Safe and Healthy Work Environment: A safe and healthy workplace is crucial for
physical and mental well-being.
Recognition and Appreciation: You appreciate acknowledgment of your efforts

and achievements.
Opportunities for Growth and Development: You want to learn, grow, and
develop your skills.
Work-Life Balance: Achieving a balance between work and personal life is

essential. You value flexibility.
Supportive Leadership: You appreciate leaders who listen, provide guidance, and
foster a healthy work environment.
Meaningful and Challenging Work: You not only want work that aligns with your
skills and interests, but you also want to know that your work has purpose.
Autonomy and Control: Having some degree of autonomy and control over your
work allows you to feel empowered and motivated.
Clear Expectations and Feedback: Clear communication of expectations and

regular feedback help you understand your roles and performance.
Positive Relationships: You want to be treated kindly and with respect.

What Needs Do You Have?

Identify your needs. What do you need to feel supported, respected, and
fulfilled?
Sometimes when we start to put our needs first, we feel a sense of guilt and
sometimes we even feel a sense of dread. Without getting too far ahead in your
thinking of “how am I going to tell someone that I have these needs” first focus
on putting them on paper. Quiet your thoughts so that they don't overwhelm
you and be truthful with yourself about what you need.
Here are some examples:
“I need to feel appreciated.”

“I need to have more clarity and defined goals.”
“I need more training.”
“I need to be spoken to with kindness and respect.”
“I need to have a say.”


Prioritize Your Boundaries

It’s time to prioritize the first boundaries you need to set. You can choose small
and large boundaries for this list. Focus on impact. Which boundaries will make
the most significant, positive impact on your life? Sometimes the boundaries
that seem small and insignificant are the most important.
Be specific. “I don’t want to work late anymore.” is too vague. What does “late”
mean? If you’re vague you give yourself wiggle room to take advantage of your
own lack of specific boundaries. “What’s another 5 minutes?” and “It’s not that
late yet.” are excuses that will creep up and if you’re not careful. So, be specific!
First, state the specific boundary. Then, take ownership over what you need to
do to achieve your new boundary. Lastly, note what you can do to still be of help
to others while staying consistent with your boundary.
All three of these are very important!

Prioritize Your Boundaries

Prioritize your new boundaries, below.
Remember:
1. Be specific.
2. List what you need to change.
3. Include what you can do for others to support them within the limits of
your new boundary.


Setting Boundaries With Love

Setting boundaries with love is all about you identifying what you love and want
to protect.
In this exercise you're going to take the top five boundaries that you just listed
and you're going to write down what you love that needs to be protected with
the help of each boundary.
Here’s an example:
The reason this is so important is because we are far more likely to commit to
something if we are protecting things that we love.
When what you love is at stake you are willing to go the extra mile to make sure
that it is a priority in your life.
Now it’s your turn. On the next two pages identify what you love that you are
protecting by setting your top five boundaries.



Your Ideal Work Life

The last step in this process of identifying and clarifying your new boundaries is
to take a minute to reflect on the ideal work life that you want to achieve.
Having this clearly defined is going to help you in your journey of setting
boundaries. As you set boundaries you need to be able to reflect on your end
goal.
Below, describe your work, and a work life balance that is ideal for you.

BOUNDARIES STEP 3 Setting Boundaries
Setting Boundaries
Before you start setting new boundaries you need to get clear on what
boundaries are appropriate in your current work setting. Review your job
description and revisit what you agreed to when you were hired. This will give
you clarity on what boundaries are and are not appropriate to set.
First and foremost, you must take full responsibility for what you've agreed to
and allowed. This doesn't mean that you need to be hard on yourself for all that
you’ve taken on that is now bogging you down and making you unhappy. Taking
ownership over what you've agreed to puts the ball in your court. It gives you
clarity on the role you’ve played up to this point versus the role you need to play
moving forward.
For example, if you agreed to work for $25.00 an hour only to realize that your
income does not match the amount of work and the level of experience that is
required for the job, before you approach your boss about a raise you must first
take responsibility for the fact that you agreed to the pay of $25.00 per hour.
Similarly, if you have been handed more and more work over time and you're at
a point where you are completely overloaded and overwhelmed, before you
approach your boss about your workload it's important for you to take a
moment to realize that you agreed to your current workload. You may not have
verbally or happily agreed but when it was placed on your desk, and you
accepted the fact that it was now your responsibility. That in and of itself is an
agreement.
When you take full ownership over what you've agreed to and what you've
allowed, you're able to approach pushback to your boundaries with confidence
and honesty. For example, if your boss responds to you asking for a raise with
“Well, $25 is what you agreed to.” you will be able to say “Yes, it is what I agreed
to, before I knew the amount of work and level of experience needed for the
role.” See how easily ownership rolls off the tongue? It serves you well to take
responsibility over the role you’ve played in getting you where you are. This
allows you to approach setting boundaries with confidence and integrity.

Setting Boundaries
Should you stay or should you go? A question I get asked often is “Should I
quit?” No matter how difficult your job is, quitting isn't always the answer. You
might be in a situation where keeping your job is more beneficial than quitting
and boundaries can help make your current situation much more bearable.
Sometimes the only way to effectively set boundaries is removing yourself from
a situation. This means leaving the job you currently have. This is necessary in a
circumstance where the environment is too toxic or too dangerous to stay.
In a work setting it’s difficult to take time away from people to regain ownership
over yourself and establish stronger boundaries – difficult but not impossible.
You may either be in a situation where it is clearly impossible to move forward
with your current employment or you might see plenty of opportunities to
redefine your boundaries and keep your job.
Emotionally distancing yourself from others gives you a temporary safe space
where you can heal, reevaluate and redefine yourself. This can be done by
taking a step back from work relationships, keeping to yourself for the time
being and focusing on your work at hand. Keeping this emotional distance until
you feel stronger and more capable of making your boundaries clear can enable
you to keep your job by redefining the relationships over time.
Each and every work environment is unique and it's up to you to evaluate and
decide whether or not it’s safe for you to stay where you are. Boundaries are
not about walking away or cutting people out of your life. Sometimes those
things are necessary but oftentimes we can work with the relationships we have
and improve upon them.
After all you've been through with your work it might be difficult to hear that
staying could be the better option. As you go through the next few steps of
identifying your boundaries keep in mind whether you feel it's possible to see a
positive change in your current workplace.

Timing Is Everything
As tempting as it can be to announce a new boundary at the end of a long shift,
in the middle of a tense conversation or on Monday morning, remember that
timing is everything.
Timing is crucial when setting boundaries because it can significantly impact the
effectiveness of your new boundaries through how they are received. A tired,
stressed and moody boss or coworker isn’t going to have the best reaction to a
conversation about boundaries.
Here are several reasons why timing is important:
Receptivity: Choosing the right moment increases the likelihood that your
message will be well-received and understood.
Emotional State: People are more open when they are in a positive or neutral
emotional state rather than when they are stressed, upset, or distracted.
Attention and Focus: Trying to talk when someone is busy or preoccupied may
lead to distractions and misunderstandings.
Respect for Boundaries: Being mindful of timing demonstrates respect for the
other person's boundaries. Interrupting or initiating a conversation at an
inappropriate time may be perceived as intrusive or disrespectful.
Avoiding Overwhelm: Timing is crucial to avoid overwhelming someone with

information. Remember that boundaries might be a very new concept to them,
so they need to be in the right state of mind to best understand the
conversation. Presenting information or initiating a conversation at the right
moment allows for better processing and comprehension.
Reducing Stress: Choosing a calm time to talk reduces stress for both parties
involved and promotes a more relaxed and constructive conversation.

Timing Is Everything
Decision-Making: Choosing the right moment ensures that everyone has the
mental space to consider information and make thoughtful decisions.
Consideration of Individual Preferences: People have individual preferences

regarding when they are most comfortable and open to communication.
Understanding and respecting these preferences can help you have positive
interactions. For example, some people don’t like to have conversations early in
the day, while others like to talk later in the day.
It's important to do your very best to pick the right time but in keeping all of this
in mind it's also important to know that the perfect time does not exist. What
you're searching for is the best time not the perfect time.
Take all of these things into consideration and think about who you're talking to.
When is this person at their very best? In what settings do you see that they
relax and enjoy communicating? Are there things that need to be done before
the conversation of boundaries can be had? Are you in the middle of a big
promotion or a launch that is exhausting you and everybody around you to the
point that no constructive conversations can be had?
You know your boss your coworkers and your work environment better than
anyone else. It's up to you to identify the ideal time to talk.
Sometimes setting boundaries can make us nervous or anxious and that either
results in us putting them off or wanting to quickly set boundaries. You want to
try to avoid doing either of these things. Timing is such an important factor in
the success of your boundary setting that you don't want to rush the process
and you also don't want to procrastinate.
Planning ahead is best.

When Someone Says “No”

Will people say “no” to your boundaries? Yes.
When you set a boundary, you are essentially saying “no.”
“I’m no longer able to work weekends.” = “No”

“I’m unable to add more to my workload.” = “No”
“My workday ends at 5pm.” = “No”
People who can’t hear the word “no” commonly place blame on others as a way
to control and manipulate. When they hear “no” they respond with “no”.
Aggressive people don’t listen to other’s boundaries. They walk all over people
and can even be abusive.
Manipulative people will try to persuade you out of your boundaries by talking
you into saying “yes.” They’ll tap into your fears of being disliked or
misunderstood, causing you to abandon your boundaries.
Avoidant people ignore you. They give you the silent treatment which translates
to “You don’t exist to me.” It’s a form of manipulative punishment. They want
you to know that you’ve fallen out of favor with them. Their hope is that you’ll
retract your boundaries and revert to your boundaryless ways in order to make
them happy.
Remember, these people have poor boundaries themselves. Because of this,

they’re unable to listen to and respect the boundaries of others. They are also
limited in the ability to take responsibility over their own lives. They’ve relied on
manipulative tactics to control the world around them.
Their actions are fear-based. They fear that if they lose the ability to manipulate
people everyone will leave them. They realize that people only stay connected
with them out of fear or obligation.

When Someone Says “No”

Boundaries are tests for the quality of our relationships. As the saying goes,
“You never really know someone until they don’t get what they want.”
If you’ve been in a constant state of compliance and have never set boundaries
with your boss or coworker, you’ll see who they truly are when you do.
People who don’t respect your boundaries are telling you that they don’t like
your “no.” They only like you when you say “yes.”
You must always evaluate the affects of setting boundaries and set boundaries
in love. This doesn’t mean you avoid setting boundaries for fear of hurting
someone or for fear of recourse. It means you approach boundaries with
kindness and good intentions.
Empathize with people who feel hurt when boundaries are set. Always
remember that they likely lack boundaries and don’t fully understand the
purpose and importance of boundaries.
Appropriate boundaries are not selfish. When you establish boundaries with
kind intention, you’re not causing harm. Others may feel sadness,
disappointment and even anger, but when they accept your boundaries, they
will be able to let those emotions go.
Appropriate boundaries don’t hurt anyone. They don’t attack or control. They
simply prevent you from being taken advantage of and from being wronged.
People who don’t have boundaries don’t understand this until they’ve
experienced it firsthand. By establishing your own boundaries you’re a positive
example to others.
Will some people be angry at you for setting boundaries? Yes. Do you run the
risk of losing out on promotions, getting demoted or even fired? Yes. Is setting
boundaries worth the risks? With out a doubt, yes, but that’s for you to decide
for yourself, with all these risks in mind. Ask yourself, what are the risks of not
setting boundaries? They’re likely greater.

The “Why” Is Important

To establish boundaries with intention you must tell the “why.” Without the
“why” people are left guessing and will never fully grasp the purpose behind
your actions.
Being honest is crucial. This doesn’t mean you share every detail. It does,
however, mean that you share details.
Sometimes they're not going hear the “why” the first time you say it. They may
ask you to repeat yourself more than once over time. So long as they are
approaching you in a positive, curious and constructive way, explaining your why
again is something that they're asking you to do to help them better
understand.
Explain your “why” with the word “because.”
“I’m no longer able to work weekends because I need time to recharge for the
week ahead and prioritize my family.”
“I’m unable to add more to my workload because I can’t fit any more work into
my work hours and my plate is full.”
“My workday ends at 5pm because I need to be home for dinner.”
Be careful about apologizing when you're giving somebody your “why.”

Apologies are for when you have wronged someone which you are not doing by
setting boundaries. Apologizing places guilt on you that doesn't belong to you.
Apologizing makes your boundary appear to be a negative thing. Apologizing
makes you look weak in your boundary setting decisions. Apologizing for your
boundaries is not necessary.
With that said, you still want to show love and empathy for the person who is
on the receiving end of your new boundaries. Like we've talked about they are
going through this process with you and sometimes raw emotions come up.
Lead with love, include your why and set your boundaries with confidence.

Making Work Boundaries Work

When you set boundaries around workload, work hours and the like,
adjustments will likely have to be made to accommodate your new boundaries.
For example, if you set a boundary around your workload there might be
someone else who needs to step up to the plate and take ownership over the
work that you are no longer able to be responsible for.
Ask yourself what needs to change to support your new boundaries. There is a
chance that not much has to change because some of the work you were doing
was unnecessary and your boss might come to realize that once you set your
boundary. In the case that something does need to change it's important that
you bring ideas and solutions to the table. Doing so shows everyone involved
that you have respect and understanding for them and want to see the best for
everyone moving forward.
If your boundary is related to your workload and you need some of it taken off
your shoulders here are three solutions that you can bring to the table.
1. That your workload be reevaluated and all unnecessary work be eliminated

from operations altogether.
2. That a portion of your workload be delegated to a coworker who has the
skill set to handle the tasks.
3. That a new hire who can bring needed skills to the team be considered.
How involved you are in these decisions is generally based on your role. You can
shine light on what some of the unnecessary work is but you may not be in a
position to hire a new employee so involve yourself where you can be most
helpful but remember your new boundary when you're tempted to over involve
yourself.
A good rule of thumb is to always bring three solutions to a conversation. You

will gain a lot of respect from your bosses and coworkers when you are solution
oriented.

Practice, Practice, Practice

To establish good boundaries you need to practice them.
What better place to practice setting boundaries than in your current

boundaryless work environment? You have many opportunities before you that
can help you become a stronger person. As much as you might want to leave,
your current job might be worth staying at for this very reason – practice. Use it
to build yourself into a person with well-defined boundaries.
Learning to set appropriate boundaries is like building muscles. Starting with

smaller boundaries (like starting with smaller weights) helps you build courage
and strength over time without overwhelming yourself.
For example, if you have two boundaries that you want to set and one of them
is that you need to leave work by 5:00 PM every day and the other is that you
need a significant raise, a good boundary to start with is leaving at 5:00 PM on
the dot. This is something you're able to practice every single day and for most
people it's far less intimidating than asking for a pay raise. Once you've spent
some time honoring your boundary day after day and leaving at a set time you
will have more courage to set bigger boundaries.
Whatever your current work setting is see it as a blessing and an opportunity.

Start small and practice, practice, practice.
Let's review the three steps to effectively setting new boundaries.
1. State your new boundary. Be clear and detailed about your boundary so that
there's no guessing about what your boundary is.
2. Include your “why.” Your why is based in love and reflects your morals values
and priorities.
3. Propose solutions. Be solution oriented to help the people around you adjust
to your new boundaries.

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WorkBoundaries WhitneyLiving

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WORK

know when to say “yes”

make work, work for you

with Whitney Living

What are boundaries?

Boundaries define you as a person. They allow you to be

01 your most authentic self, helping you maintain a healthy

Boundaries determine what you allow and accept. How you

03 charge. Your hands are on the wheel. Whatever direction you

Boundaries help you create a healthy, balanced, fulfilling,

05 well-rested life full of growth and achievement. They give

with Whitney Living copyright 2024

with Whitney Living copyright 2024

A Lack of Work Boundaries

What A Lack of Work Boundaries Looks Like:

Working beyond your paid hours.

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Appropriate boundaries help

Overworked Stressed Misrepresented

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As you choose and set appropriate boundaries for yourself, remember to

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Boundaries and Prosperity

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Boundaries and Prosperity

Do any of these describe you?

Stuck in a dead-end job

The sustainability of your career is dependent on boundaries. Your career will

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Your Boundaries Help Others

He retracted his demand.

It was wonderful to see my coworkers view me as an example and follow my

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Your Boundaries Help Others

Here's how your boundaries can benefit others:

Respectful Communication: Establishing personal boundaries helps you

Mutual Understanding: Boundaries foster mutual understanding between you

Emotional Well-being: Maintaining boundaries is essential for your peace and

Building Trust: Clearly defined boundaries build trust in relationships. When

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Your Boundaries Help Others

Encouraging Healthy Relationships: Healthy relationships are built on mutual

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Pay attention to your reactions in various situations. If you find yourself

Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your values, beliefs, and priorities.

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1. What is taking up too much of my time, energy and mental space?

Examples to Inspire You:

I will no longer work nights or weekends

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What Causes You Stress?

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How Have You Compromised?

Your compromises might be as innocent as bringing a little work home from

Here are some examples:

“I prioritize my work over my family.”

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with Whitney Living copyright 2024

What Needs Do You Have?

Common workplace needs include:

Recognition and Appreciation: You appreciate acknowledgment of your efforts

Work-Life Balance: Achieving a balance between work and personal life is