Doctor De Soto by William Steig

Readers Theater (10) adapted for the stage by Lisa Moretti

Cast: Dr. De Soto-

Mrs. De Soto-
Fox-
Narrator 1-
Narrator 2 & cat-
Narrator 3 & small sitting animal-
Narrator 4 & small animal-
Narrator 5 & large animal-
Narrator 6-
Narrator 7-

Narrator 1: Doctor De Soto, the dentist, did very good work, so he

had no end of patients.

Dr. enters and walks to two small animals, one who is sitting in a
chair with his head back. The other is standing behind waiting.

Narrator 2: Those close to his own size- moles, chipmunks, et cetera-

sat in the regular dentist’s chair.

Narrator 3: Larger animals sat on the floor, while Doctor De Soto

stood on the ladder (use a box).

Large animal sits on the floor while Doctor cranes over his mouth.

Narrator 4: For extra-large animals, he had a special room. There

Doctor De Soto was hoisted up to the patient’s mouth by his
assistant, who also happened to be his wife.

Mrs. De Soto enters and they stand arm in arm.

Narrator 5: Doctor De Soto was especially popular with the big

animals.

Narrator 6: He was able to work inside their mouths, wearing rubbers

to keep his feet dry; and his fingers were so delicate, and his drill
so dainty, they could hardly feel any pain.
Narrator 7: Being a Mouse, he refused to treat animals dangerous to
mice, and it said so on is sign.

Narrator 1: (point to sign with a long stick or ruler)

Doctor De Soto
Dentist
Cats and Other Dangerous Animals
Not Accepted For Treatment

Narrator 2: When the doorbell rang, he and his wife would look out
the window. (DeSotos stand across stage. Cat rings doorbell) They
wouldn’t admit even the most timid looking cat. (DeSotos shake head
while the Cat looks sad and walks away)

Narrator 3: One day, when they looked out, they saw a well-dressed
fox with a flannel bandage around his jaw.

Fox enters.

Doctor (shouting from across the stage): I cannot treat you, sir!
Sir!
Haven’t you read my sign??”

Fox (wailing): Please!

Have mercy, I’m suffering!

Narrator 4: He wept so bitterly it was pitiful to see.

Doctor (to the fox): Just a moment.

Doctor (to his wife): That poor fox. What shall we do?

Mrs. De Soto: Let’s risk it.

(She presses a buzzer and the fox walks towards them)

Fox (kneeling): Bless your hearts! I beg you, do something! My

tooth is killing me!

Doctor (washing hands at sink while he speaks): Sit on the floor,

sir, and remove the bandage.

Narrator 5: Doctor De Soto climbed up the ladder and bravely entered

the fox’s mouth.
Fox (gasping): Ooo-wow!

Narrator 6: The fox had a rotten bicuspid and unusually bad breath.

Doctor: This tooth will have to come out. But we can make you a new
one.

Fox (whimpering): Just stop the pain. (Wipe away some tears)

Narrator 7: Despite his misery, he realized he had a tasty little

morsel in his mouth and his jaw began to quiver.

Doctor (yelling): Keep open!

Mrs. De Soto (yelling): Wide open!

Doctor: I’m giving you gas now. You won’t feel a thing when I yank
that tooth.

Narrator 1: Soon the fox was in dreamland.

Fox (eyes closed and in a dreamy, mumbling voice): M-m-m, yummy. How
I love them raw...with just a pinch of salt, and a...dry...white
wine.”

Doctor and Mrs. De Soto look at each other with horror.

Narrator 2: They could guess what he was dreaming about.

Narrator 3: Mrs. De Soto handed her husband a pole to keep the fox’s
mouth open.

Narrator 4: Doctor De Soto fastened his extractor to the bad tooth.

Narrator 5: then he and his wife began turn the winch.

Doctor and Mrs. stand over Fox and make exaggerated gestures.

Narrator 6: Finally, with a sucking sound, the tooth popped out and
hung swaying in the air.
Fox (yelping as he comes to): I’m bleeding!

Narrator 7: Doctor De Soto ran up and stuffed some gauze in the hole.

Doctor: The worst is over. I’ll have your new tooth ready tomorrow.
Be here at eleven sharp.

Narrator 1: The fox, still woozy, said goodbye and left.

Narrator 2: On his way home, he wondered if it would be shabby of him

to eat the De Sotos when the job was done.

Wolf walks in front of the stage and shows his expression of confusion
over his dilemma.

Narrator 3: After office hours, Mrs. De Soto molded a tooth of pure

gold and polished it.

Doctor: Raw with salt, indeed. How foolish to trust a fox!

Mrs. De Soto: He didn’t know what he was saying. Why should he harm
us? We’re helping him.

Doctor: Because he’s a fox! They’re WICKED WICKED creatures.

De Soto’s go to a bedroom for the next scene.

Narrator 4: That night in bed, the De Sotos lay awake worrying.

Mrs. De Soto: Should we let him in tomorrow?

Doctor: Once I start a job, I finish it. My father was the same way.

Mrs. De Soto: But we must do something to protect ourselves.

Doctor and Mrs. huddle in for a conversation. Use arms and gesture so
the audience can’t know the plan, but see that they are up to
something.

Doctor: I think it will work.

Narrator 5: A minute later, he was snoring.

Doctor snores loudly on his pillow.

Narrator 6: The next morning, promptly at eleven, a very cheerful fox

turned up. He was feeling not a particle of pain.

Narrator 7: When Doctor De Soto got into his mouth, he snapped it

shut for a moment, then opened wide and laughed.

Fox: Just a JOKE!

Doctor (sharply): Be serious. We have work to do.

Narrator 1: Mrs. De Soto shows the new gold tooth to the fox.

Fox: Oh, I love it! It is just beautiful!

Narrator 2: Doctor De Soto set the gold tooth in its socket and
hooked it up to the teeth on both sides.

Fox (licking his lips and sliding his tongue over his teeth in an
exaggerated way): My, it feels good.

Narrator 3: At this point the fox was thinking to himself...

Fox steps forward and makes expressions while the narrator speaks
beside him.

“My, it feels good. I really should eat them. On the other hand,
how can I resist?”

Doctor: We’re not finished. (Doctor holds up a jug) I have a

remarkable preparation developed only recently by my wife and me.
With just one application, you can be rid of toothaches forever. How
would you like to be the first one to receive this unique treatment?

Fox: I certainly would! I’d be honored.

Narrator 4: The fox hated any kind of personal pain.

Doctor: You will never have to see us again.

Narrator 5: At this point, the fox was thinking to himself…

Fox steps forward and makes expressions while the narrator continues
to speak.

“No ONE will ever see you again.”

Narrator 6: The fox had definitely made up his mind to eat them-
with the help of his brand new tooth.

Narrator 7: Doctor De Soto stepped into the fox’s mouth with a bucket
of secret formula and proceeded to paint each tooth.

Doctor De Soto hums as he works on the fox.

Narrator 1: Mrs. De Soto stood by on the ladder, pointing out spots

he had missed.

Fox turns to the audience and looks very happy. Then he winks.

Doctor steps aside and makes a gesture with his hands to show he has
finished his work.

Doctor: Now close your jaws tight and keep them closed for a full
minute.

Narrator 2: The fox did as he was told.

All Narrators count: 1, 2, 3, 4 (get the audience in on this) 5...60.

Fox looks around, bewildered. He tries to open his mouth.

Doctor: Ah, excuse me, I should have mentioned, you won’t be able to
open your mouth for a day or two. The secret formula must first
permeate the dentine. But don’t worry. No pain ever again!

Narrator 3: The fox was stunned. He stared at Doctor De Soto, then

looked at his wife.

Doctor and Mrs. De Soto smile at wolf.

Fox, through clenched teeth: Frank oo berry mush.

Fox walks away and tries to do so with dignity. He stumbles off the
stairs in a daze.

Narrator 4: Doctor De Soto and his wife had outfoxed the fox! They
kissed each other and took the rest of the day off!

THE END!