1.

As a member of the planning committee for an upcoming conference, you have

been asked to draft a message requesting information about whether the venue is
accessible for all participants.

Your Task. Analyze this message and list its writing weaknesses. Does this message
apply the advice in this chapter for writing requests? If your instructor directs, revise
the message using the suggestions you learned in this and previous chapters. Strive
to arrange the information in an orderly bulleted list.
To: Angela.Marakot@capitalhilton.com
From: Carol.Frazier@gmail.com
Cc: Nanci.Masri@gmail.com; Jason.Nadir@hotmail.com;
Lori.Petuno@gmail.com
Subject: Need Information

Dear Angela:
How is your day going? I hope well! I need some information, and I found your
name at the Capital Hilton booking site. I’m on the planning committee for our
upcoming Accessibility For All (AFA) conference that we would like to hold in
Washington next fall. Will you please answer the following questions that need
answers? The Capital Hilton comes highly recommended.
Does your hotel provide assistive listening systems? Such as the induction-loop
system that bypasses acoustical conditions and delivers sound directly to
listeners? Does the hotel have accessible parking? We would need level parking
nearby with drop-off availability up close to the building. In the matter of
accessible restrooms, are ADA restrooms available on the meeting room floors?
Some of our attendees might bring service animals. Do you provide a comfortable
space for them to rest during an event? Do you also have accessible nearby
toileting and watering facilities for service animals? Finally, do your meeting
rooms have ample accessible electrical outlets? Do they accommodate laptops,
adaptive devices, and other electronics?
Thank you.
Carol.Frazier@gmail.com
AFA Fall Conference, Washington

2. The following serious message requests information, but its poor organization and
other writing faults prevent it from accomplishing its goal.

Your Task. Analyze this message and list at least five writing weaknesses. If your
instructor directs, revise the message using the suggestions you learned in this and
previous chapters.
To: vjgallagher@safecybernetics.com
From: scott.woo@vistalinda-internists.com
Subject: Inquiry
Dear Sir:
I am a physician in a small medical practice, and I am worried about protecting
patients’ medical information. Your website (SafeCybernetics.com) looks quite
promising but I found it overwhelming. I could not find answers to my specific
questions, so I am writing this message to ask them. Could you call me within the
next two days? I’m usually in surgery until 4 p.m. most days and try to leave at 6
p.m.
First, as I mentioned heretofore, my practice is small. Do you have experience in
working with small medical practices? We may already have experienced a
security breach. When you investigate, if you find out that privacy laws have been
broken, do you report them to government agencies immediately?
We’re really extremely interested in how you investigate an incident that may have
taken place. If you discover a privacy breach, do you help your client make
notification to his patients who are affected? Additionally, are you discreet about
it?
I look forward to hearing from you.
Scott Woo, M.D.