HOLY SCAMTRIMONY By ADEBOLA TIMMY

HOLY SCAMTRIMONY
PUBLISHED BY:
SESAME EDUCATIONAL CONSULT
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COPYRIGHT 2021 Adebola Timmy
timmyadebola@gmail.com
Facebook: Adebola Timmy OLUWATIMILEHIN
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APPRECIATION
BIG THANKS TO GOD ALMIGHTY FOR HIS UNENDING LOVE OVER MY LIFE AND
FOR GRANTING ME THE GRACE TO WRITE THIS INSPIRING PIECE.
I APPRECIATE MY WONDERFUL PARENTS, PASTOR & MRS AIYELABOLA FOR

THEIR UNEDNING SUPPORT, WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT AND CONSTANT
PRAYERS. THANKS FOR ALWAYS BELIEVING IN ME.
I APPRECIATE MY AMAZING SIBLINGS: ADEBOLA TOMIWA & ADEBOLA

TOLUWANIMI FOR THEIR LOVE AND SUPPORT.
I APPRECIATE MY MENTORS, SPIRITUAL MENTORS, AND FRIENDS FOR

HELPING ME GROW IN CHRIST. THANKS FOR BEING A PILLAR OF SUPPORT.
I ESPECIALLY WANT TO APPRECIATE MY AMAZING FANS AND READERS.

WORDS CAN’T EXPRESS HOW GRATEFUL I AM TO YOU ALL FOR YOUR
CONTINOUS SH
OW OF LOVE. THANKS FOR ALWAYS READING. GOD BLESS YOU ALL AND MEET
YOU AT THE POINT OF YOUR NEEDS.
SPECIAL THANKS TO MISS OLUWAYOMI OLUWASOLA AND BOSEDE LUYOMI

FOR CREATING TIME OUT OF THIER BUSY SCHEDULES TO PROOFREAD AND
HELP EDIT THIS BOOK… GOD BLESS YOU.
I ALSO CELEBRATE MRS OPEYEMI AKINTUNDE. GOD BLESS YOU MA FOR

LAYING A GOOD FOUNDATION FOR US TO FOLLOW. MORE GRACE AND
INSPIRATION.
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DEDICATION
I DEDICATE THIS BOOK TO MY CREATOR, WHO INSPIRED ME TO

WRITE THIS WONDERFUL STORY; FOR GIVING ME THE
OPPORTUNITY TO IMPACT LIVES AND WIN SOULS TO YOUR
KINGDOM.
I LIVE TO SERVE YOU. I AM USELESS WITHOUT YOU.
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*A REVIEW OF HOLY SCAMTRIMONY*
I call Marcus and Tomi “Holy scammers” and rightly so. They are
believers operating in their marriage in ways completely
contrary to the Lord’s way of love and submission, scamming
each other.
Holy Scamtrimony is truly an educative and enlightening story
for married couples. It touched on issues ranging from
emotional intelligence, conflict resolution to in-law
relationships. On top of all that, you will laugh till your bones
crack happily. The lines are hilarious, with irony portrayed so
comically but yet showing the message that must be taken
seriously.
This is an inspiring and captivating work that can highly benefit
singles, courting couples and the married. Mr. Adebola has
outdone himself once again – showing us that gifts and talents
submitted to God do not only create beautiful fireworks or
entertain the audience, but they have power through divine
revelation to change and touch hearts and lives.
-BOSEDE LUYOMI-
Writer
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HOLY SCAMTRIMONY
©Adebola Timmy
Inspired by the Holy spirit
EPISODE ONE: Part 1
Marcus walks into the house angrily; just then Tomi who happens to be his
wife walks in hurriedly.
"Dear, you must tell me why you abandoned me at my friend's shop and
zoomed off without informing me?" Tomi queried
"Oh! You call that abandon right?
"Well, I call it wisdom!" Marcus yelled.
"Daddy wa, you are shouting... you should always try to calm down," Tomi
said soothingly.
"You lack manners!"
"Egbami! I am confused...what have I done wrong?" Tomi asked
"When we were leaving home this morning, we never spoke about you visiting
your friend in her shop."
"So… it's because of this small issue, that's why you are now flexing your
muscles," Tomi asked looking so surprised.
"I have not landed o.." Marcus hits back
6
"Oh! Safe landing, Olowo Ori mi" Tomi said mockingly
"Have I not warned you not to speak Yoruba whenever we are discussing; you
know I don't understand your language. Marcus queried giving a displeasing
look.
"It is well o. okay, sir! I have heard you, sir! Please I am waiting for you to land
so I can take off” Tomi replied in a mocking tone...
"You and your friend spent good thirty minutes talking about how handsome
Anthony Joshua looks. the most painful part was when she told you to pick
between me and Anthony Joshua. You picked him!" Marcus said.
Tomi couldn't control herself; she burst out laughing. This made Marcus very
angry
"Marcus! You mean that's why you left me there?"
"You are a very jealous man sweetie, that's too bad for a man of your age and
size" Tomi teased.
"My friend come off it. If God can be jealous, what's stops me from being
jealous?" Marcus asked angrily.
"Let's even forget about being jealous or not. it is very bad for you to say
another man is finer than your husband. To the extent of you calling him your
crush! Haba! I was seriously pained o" He added.
"Those were just mere words now. Marcus, why are you thinking this way?
let's be honest here. Is he not finer than you?... So, you want me to tell lies
right? no o! I can’t... heaven is my goal and I will always speak the truth" Tomi
replied unremorsefully.
7
"Oh! What a wise woman you are. You want to make Heaven at the expense
of your marriage right. If you can't listen to corrections and make me happy.
Can you even listen to God's instructions?"
"Please Mr. Man!! Don't even bring God into this matter! You have started
your trouble again" Tomi yelled.
"No one is making trouble with you. For example, whenever we have singles
and married meetings in church and I'm being asked who the finest lady in the
church is. I've always picked you" Marcus said.
"Enh! Am I not the finest lady in the church?" Tomi asked
"My dear. Don't be fooled. You are not even as pretty and sexy as sister Dara.
Oh! That lady is divinely sexy!!" Marcus said passionately.
"Ha! Brother Marcussiiiii!! Church worker!! Mr. sexy divine!! You are a flirt.
Onisina ni e. No wonder! I noticed you love to sit at the back. So, you have
been analyzing sister Dara's body all this while." She cried out.
"My dear it is the Lord's doing and it's marvelous in His sight" he replied.
"So, I am not sexy enough, right? Ha! Holy ghost fire will consume that sister
for me... She wants to scatter my home.... Pastor John must hear this before
it is too late."
"Nobody is scattering your home... so, you see how painful it is. now, you
understand my point. Just apologize and let's settle this issue… "Marcus said
calmly.
"Apologize! After breaking my heart with your words. don't even compare
yours with mine o... Your own is a very serious issue.so, it is you who should
be apologizing" she barked.
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"I can see you are seriously hungry. That’s why you are not thinking straight!
I am not going to say a word to you in this house until you apologize! Excuse
me!!" Marcus thundered as he walks out on her...
"Marcus!! Marcus!!! Ha! Mogbe!! Sister Dara has used her body to scatter my
husband's destiny!! My God are you looking at me!! Oh, Lord! Bring back our
Marcus!!!!!" Tomi cried out as she picks her bag and leaves for her room.
YOU ARE FREE TO SHARE BUT PLEASE DO NOT EDIT ANY PART OF
THIS STORY…
To be continued.......
Written by Adebola Timmy
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9
HOLY SCAMTRIMONY
©Adebola Timmy
EPISODE ONE: Part 2
Marcus is asleep while Tomi walks into the room carrying a tray. She kneels
beside the bed and taps her husband.
*
"My sugar pie, the love of my life, my crown. Good morning my darling
husband" Tomi said remorsefully.
Marcus looks surprised, he wasn't expecting to see her, not to talk of seeing
her on her knees.
"I must be dreaming; this can't be happening" he muttered
"No, you are not dreaming my king. I have realized my mistake. I don't want
to lose you to another woman... sorry for my actions yesterday." Tomi
pleaded.
Marcus burst out laughing; he majestically sits upright.
" So, you can be this humble. what if I died overnight? Will you call a dead
man those sweet names?" He queried.
"Ha! My husband! You will not die in Jesus' Name. You haven't even fulfilled
half of the promises you made when you proposed to me. So, you can't die
now. My God will bring you back to life immediately"
"Will you calm down! All I am saying is we should learn to settle our differences
immediately. Imagine, we slept in separate rooms which is not supposed to
be so, no problem. Your sins are forgiven." Marcus said.
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" Thanks, oko mi. But is that all?"
"What else do you want me to say?" Marcus asked anxiously.
"Won't you also pet me and apologize. You also hurt my feelings by adoring
sister Dara that way. I felt so jealous."
"Hmmm... I am sorry my queen, my fire extinguisher, you know I love you,

baby?" He teased.
"I know and I love you too. My love, I even brought you breakfast"
Tomi handed over the tea mug and slices of bread to Marcus.
"Wow! This is a miracle. This has never happened ever since we got
married…just that, on second thought... I know you can't poison me o but my
baby, are you sure this isn't my last breakfast on earth?" he asked looking
tensed.
"Haba! Daddy wa! What do you mean.? I will never do something like that to
the love of my life. I can taste it if you want me to" she replied.
"Don't worry. if you taste it, what is left for me eat?... I will cover it with the
blood of Jesus." he said jokingly.
Marcus takes a sip and spits it out.

**
"My love. Did you bite your tongue?" Tomi asked showing genuine concern.
"Keep shut! I knew it, I know the woman I married isn't this nice..."
"Ha! The head of my life! What have I done again?" Tomi asked remorsefully.
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"The neck of my life! You are wicked… you know I don't take cold tea. why
would you offer me such? This is pure wickedness!" Marcus thundered
"It's not what you think. I woke up as early as 5 a.m. to make use of the electric
kettle to boil the water... Unfortunately, the power supply didn't even last up to
a minute... I would have made use of the gas cooker but the gas is finished. I
really wanted to do something special for you this morning. That was why I
went ahead to use the water like that" she explained.
"That's why you also brought two slices of bread. will that be okay for me?
See, if you want to be romantic or make me feel special if you know you can't
get it right. Please keep it to yourself" he replied angrily.
"Excuse me! With all due respect that's rude, at least you should appreciate
me before blasting me and you should learn to correct me with love. It's really
unfair! All I wanted to do was to make you happy this morning but you are
making me look so foolish." She fires back.
"My marriage counselor that is now experienced and wiser than her
husband... Just listen to yourself. I should correct you with love for serving me
nonsense."
Marcus picks up a slice and dips it into the tea. He is about to put it in his
mouth when Tomi stops him.
"My husband. I am still respecting you... Daddy wa! If you eat that bread you
will choke!" She threatened.
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HOLY SCAMTRIMONY
©Adebola Timmy
EPISODE ONE: Part 3
"Ha! Are you threatening me? You said it's for me!!"
"Yes… I thought you deserved to be treated like a king. I never knew you are
just an ordinary man with no human feelings. After baptizing me with hurting
words. You still have the guts to eat it… ha! Olowo Ori mi you will have a
tummy upset if you eat it." She said angrily.
She collects the bread and mug from him. She eats the bread and drinks the
tea right in his presence. She let out a loud belch.
"Ha! It reached its destination..." she said mockingly as she gets up and leaves
the room majestically...
Marcus is speechless as he watches her leave the room.
"My God! But I prayed to you before proposing to this woman... My Father!
what kind of species did you give me?... this woman will kill me before my time
Marcus has been in the room for the past three hours expecting Tomi to come
to tender her apology for walking out on him. He realizes Tomi would not show
up, he was seriously hungry and could not bear it anymore, he decides to
swallow his pride.
On getting to the living room, he was shocked to see Tomi getting prepared
to consume a plate of delicious jollof rice decorated with dodo; crowned with
two fat chicken thighs with a glass of chilled fruit juice to step down.
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He sits on one of the sofas and crosses his legs as he watches Tomi serve
herself… she sits for a while; she gets up and leaves for the kitchen.
"I said it… she won't dare it. I am the head of this family. She doesn't expect
me to apologize or beg her to serve me" Marcus said to himself
Tomi comes out of the kitchen holding a plate filled with chicken. She catwalks
to her seat to the amusement of Marcus, she begins to eat. Completely
ignoring Marcus.
"Hmmmmm... yummy!!! God bless my mother for teaching me how to cook

delicious meals...May God bless the hand that made this food. The mouth that
is eating this food and comfort those staring at the food hungrily..." Tomi said
mockingly as she steals a glance at Marcus whose eyes are becoming red.
*
Marcus is seriously pained but insists he won't beg her. He realizes Tomi is
about to finish the food. He decides to swallow his pride.
"Tomi!!! Ha! You are not a broken Christian! You are mean!!" He shouted
"Daddy wa! Please for Christ's sake. I am not ready for your drama. Let me
enjoy my food in peace."
"So, are you telling me you didn't cook mine too? Is it not written all over me
that I am seriously hungry? Do you want me to faint?" Marcus queried
" If you are hungry, you know the way to the kitchen and if you faint, I will give
you anointing oil to drink. You will surely rise again. I can't let you baptize me
with insults again. I am yet to recover from the ones you hurled at me earlier."
Tomi said.
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Marcus realizes he has hurt his wife dearly and she is hell-bent on keeping to
herself. He ponders for a while and accepts the fact that if he doesn't
apologize, he will be the one to suffer it because he isn't a good cook. He
walks up to her and goes on his knees...
"My dear wife, the love of my life, the woman of my dreams, Olowere Ori mi"
Tomi stops him abruptly
"Please o. Marcus. it's not a must you speak Yoruba. It is Olowo Ori mi… not
Olowere Ori mi. Don’t curse me please! Anyways, continue from where you
stopped, and don't forget to call me your fire extinguisher because I quenched
your ego" Tomi said as she crosses her legs and sits majestically.
"My fire extinguisher. I am sorry. I know I have hurt you and I sincerely
apologize. Now, I know your importance and value in my life. Don't let me die
of hunger. " Marcus sobs as he speaks.
"Babe, it's okay, please get up, you know I hate it when we quarrel but I was
deeply hurt this morning. Next time, correct me with love, I am not perfect,
with your support I can become better and be the woman you want me to be.
I forgive you, my husband." Tomi said as they both hug.
She gets Marcus a spoon so they can eat together. Marcus begins to eat
hurriedly and consumes almost all within a twinkle of an eye. Tomi kept
making jest of him as he rushes the food.
"Oga Marcus take it easy... My food is super delicious" she teased.
"The food is salty. I just managed it" Marcus said jokingly
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HOLY SCAMTRIMONY
©Adebola Timmy
EPISODE ONE: Part 4
"Marcus!!!!!"Tomi yelled!
"I was just kidding. Tomi, I really don't like the way we keep having
misunderstandings. We never use to be like this before we got married. We
need to look for a solution to end these constant fights" Marcus pleaded.
"Exactly! You are right. I have been thinking of this too and I was able to find
a solution. I feel it's because we don't really know our individual Dos and
Don'ts. I suggest you list out all the things I do that you don't feel comfortable
with and I do likewise." Tomi said.
"Surely flesh and blood hasn't revealed this to you. that's very wise. I concur.
So, as the queen of my world. I give you the honor to tell me yours first. Don't
hide anything. Tell me things I do that you don't like".
"Thank you, my king... firstly, Marcus you are a legend when it comes to
snorting... Infarct, I have not had peaceful sleep in weeks." Tomi explained.
"That's a lie! I don't snore, I can't even accept that from you. if I do, I trust you.
you would have voiced out long ago" Marcus said.
Tomi picks her phone from the table.
"I know you well my husband. I know you will argue, that's why I recorded
you."
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She plays different recorded videos of Marcus snorting and shows them to
Marcus.
"Big Daddy! Can you see for yourself? you use different pitches when you
snore" Tomi said mockingly.
Marcus opens his mouth in shock for a while before speaking.
"Tomi!! Ha!!! Do you mean you have been recording me all this while?
Amazing!"
"Amazing gidi ni o Olowo Ori mi. Please work on it. Number two; I noticed
whenever we are interceding for our parents, you spend more minutes when
it's time for us to intercede for your parents. I have my proof" Tomi said.
"You recorded that again?!" Marcus asked
"Yes, oo my husband. I do activate the voice recorder on my phone when it's

time to intercede for them. " Tomi said as she shows Marcus the evidence.
"Tomi!!!
"My love, take it easy. I haven't finished!"
"Nawa o… this life isn't balanced at all. You have all this in mind and I have
been eating your food!"
Marcus goes on his knees.
"Father! I see your hands of protection over my life... If not, I for don die tey
tey".
Tomi makes fun of him
17
"My husband I have told you, you can't die now. if you die now. it's a bad
investment for both of us because you haven't fulfilled half of the promises
you made to me and you haven't even enjoyed half of the bride price you paid
to have me... So, my love, forget about death and let's continue"
"Okay o... Continue!" Marcus said.
"Number three, Marcus. you are very stubborn! Ha! Marcus, you don't even
want to understand the fact that I am a woman. A gentlewoman for that matter.
You just flex your muscle at any slightest provocation... O wrong na..."
"I thought you said your goal is to make Heaven... So why the lies?" Marcus
queried.
"Lie! When did I tell a lie?. All I've been saying since are nothing but the truth."
"No! The part you called yourself a gentlewoman is the biggest lie of the
century!" He thundered!
"You see what I'm saying. This small issue now, your eyes are turning red;
see your veins... Isan Marcus...Bruce Lee lomo...I love you Marcus" she said
soberly.
Marcus couldn't help but smile.
"I love you too baby. Don't distract me. Continue, please I need to list out mine
too" he joked.
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HOLY SCAMTRIMONY
©Adebola Timmy
EPISODE ONE: Part 5
"Marcus, you don't help out at all when it comes to house chores, I do
everything… all you do is watch TV. I want to feel your presence whenever
you are home...support me with the little you can...please!" She pleaded.
"Alright...I will work on that. Let me take it from here. If not, I won't end up
talking" he said.
"I'm all ears Olowo Ori mi"
"Chai! Whenever you call this name enh... My head swells" Marcus said.
"Really... But it hasn't swollen to the extent of you sending money into my
account. Marcus, you are stingy. At least once in a while shower me with gifts
or surprises. You can't be a stingy Olowo Ori mi.."
"I stopped getting you gifts and all because you don't make me happy always.
The first thing on my list; Tomi, you stay too long whenever you lead prayers....
at times I get frustrated!"
"Ha! Marcus! A whole church worker!! You ought to be the head of this house
both spiritually and physically. You shouldn't complain about prayers at all..."
"Don't get me wrong Tomi. Everything takes wisdom, It's not how long but how
well... At times I come back from work very tired. You know this yourself but
when it's time for night devotion, you spend close to forty-five minutes and I
end up dozing off most times. What then is the essence of the whole prayer?"
19
"Now I understand... I will discuss with the holy spirit to reduce the time
because It's not me that is praying o. If you look at it spiritually, you will see
that it's the Holy Spirit that is using me" she said
"My friend come off it! This isn't the Holy Spirit; it is your spirit... you are only
trying to show off. The most annoying part of this whole issue is the fact that
you run out of words when praying, all you do is repeat words over and over
again... to crown it up, you even doze when you lead at times. Your case is a
deliverance case." Marcus said.
"Marcus! That one entered..., o hit mi. Let's leave that aside, I will adjust, is
that all?"
"You listed more than three and you expect me to list just one. Number two,
babe you are not submissive at all... You challenge me a lot, you argue a lot...
You always want to prove you are right and you don't expect me to lay low for
you. I am a man..."
"Marcus, it's your fault. You feel because you are the head of this home,
whatever you do or say is right, you don't even want to reason with me and
you know I use to be a rugged babe before I married You and Jesus..."
"Na Jesus pay the bride price abi?. We all are married to Jesus. We are talking
of reality here. You don't expect me to listen when I'm making a point or when
I'm angry. You can come to me later when I'm calm to Make your case, I will
reason with you and apologize if I realize I'm wrong. I will advise you to ask
God for wisdom because it's obvious you lack the wisdom to run your home."
"Jesu! Oro yen deep!... Nice one! two-nil (2-0). You are leading... Keep giving
me heartbreaking punchlines. You have battered my emotions with hurting
words today. Just remember I will still be the one to cook for you. Tomi said.
"Are you now threatening me?. I am only saying the truth. Baby, you said you
can't poison me. Are you still assuring me?"
20
"All I will say is shoot gently... the bullets coming out from your mouth are
beginning to weaken my heart. Once the heart is weakened, anything can
happen o. I love you my king but please let's be guided at this junction
because immediately after our discussion I will be making breakfast...you are
a man of wisdom. You should understand better. Once again, I love you"
"Ha! I understand… let me add one more; I will keep shut afterward."
"You still want to add. Okay o!, just let the Holy Spirit guide you" Tomi said.
"Lastly, break-up with Anthony Joshua. He is a threat to me..."
"Egbami!! Ha! You didn't let the Holy Spirit direct you before saying this. Have
I even met Anthony Joshua before not to talk of dating him. You just insulted
me!"
"Tomi! Calm down! Let me explain myself... The way you hype this man is
becoming unhealthy. You use him as your phone wallpaper. Whenever you
watch him fight; I see the way you stare at him lustfully and keep adoring him.
In fact, you liked all his pictures on social media and even comment on all
using sweet words.
You hardly comment on mine, even when you do all you write is “Daddy wa
of life”, is that a sweet comment?... you daddy zoned me on social media... I
don't feel comfortable with this anymore. What if you end up meeting him what
will happen?"
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HOLY SCAMTRIMONY
©Adebola Timmy
EPISODE ONE: Part 6
"Are you saying I will cheat on you? The holy spirit will never say this to me"
Tomi asked
"Assistant Holy spirit, why don't you accept your mistakes and learn! If you
feel I have said anything wrong, then ask the holy spirit. Am I not cute?"
"I'm sorry...my Marcus is a cute man. I will write all the points we said... it will
be pasted on the wall of our room. This will help us be on track. I also suggest
we include payment of fine for anyone that break the rules"
"That's not a bad idea. So, like how much do you have in mind?" Marcus
asked.
"Twenty thousand naira!!!" Tomi replied.
"Ha! It is finished! " Marcus said loudly.
"It's negotiable!" Tomi said.
"Why are you sounding like I'm the only one involved here, are you not also
going to pay a fine if you break the rules,” Marcus asked.
"My husband. Is it not you...? I am sure you will be the one to break the rules
regularly. So, this is a form of investment for me… okay!... five thousand
naira... Last price!… no negotiation."
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"No problem. Let see who pays most fine ... We should celebrate this
moment...it's a new dawn in our marriage...I want you to cook jollof rice this
night; like the one, you cooked earlier... how much is a derica of rice now?
"Two thousand naira…" Tomi said
"Tomi!!!! Fear God o!" Marcus expresses his shock.
"It's negotiable" Tomi replied as Marcus begins to grumble.
*
"Daddy wa E soro soke!"
"I prefer Eba... Rice can come some other time…" Marcus replies
"Ha! Marcus you are ...." Tomi stops the moment she remembered the fine.
"You should have completed your statement … five thousand naira loading!"
Marcus teased.
"Your plan will not work... Holy Spirit is on my side..." Tomi replied.
*
They had dinner and head for the room to sleep.
"Dear, please lead us in prayer. I'm feeling sleepy" Marcus said
"Father Lord, we start our sleep in the name of the Father, the Son and the
Holy spirit. Amen!"
"Is that all?" Marcus asked amusingly
"Yes, dear! Good night love" Tomi replied.
"What kind of prayer is that? Less than a minute!" Marcus queried.
23
"You complained I stay long whenever I lead prayers.
“So, you expect me to spend more time so I can pay fine right?... impossible!
I won't fall for that trick" she replied.
"Really!! So, you want to save your cash at the expense of our spiritual life
and growth? I won't accept that."
"Marcus, don't let us push this further... that's the prayer the Holy spirit
brought... Who am I not to obey...if you know you aren’t comfortable with it?
Olowo Ori mi please you can pray all by yourself...I love you my king...odaro
" Tomi said as she lay on the bed to sleep.
Marcus looks speechless. He joins her in bed.

*
The following morning, Tomi wakes Marcus.
"My king... Sweetheart wakeup for devotion"
Marcus opens his eyes for some seconds and shuts it back as he changes
his sleeping position.
"Wake up jooor!!!!" Tomi shakes him rigorously.
"Blood of Jesus!! Do you want to break my neck?" Marcus queried as he sits

up.
" I've been waking you for the past twenty minutes... This past 8. We ought to
have our devotion at 7 a.m. sharp."
"Sorry, I was very tired. I needed that sleep....... Let's commence our devotion"
Marcus said...
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"Not so fast," Tomi said as she picks up Marcus' phone and hands it over to
him.
"What for?" Marcus looks confused.
"Oh! My dear husband... the head of my life... unlock the phone and transfer
my five thousand naira to me" she replied as she runs her palm on his
cheeks...
"My friend, will you remove those hands from my cheek.!... What rule did I
break? "
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HOLY SCAMTRIMONY
©Adebola Timmy
EPISODE ONE: Part 7
Tomi picks up her phone and plays a video for him...
"Oko mi... As usual, you are guilty of snorting and disturbing the peace of your
fellow citizen... The evidence is very clear ... Please, do the needful so we can
pray..." Tomi replied.
"This is a scam!... Come to think of it, can't you wait till after our devotion
before bringing this up?" Marcus queried
"I know you will want to turn the whole issue to a serious quarrel… I felt it best
we quarrel before we pray so we can ask for forgiveness during the course of
the prayer"
"You are cunning!" He replied.
"Ese! Modupe!! Well-done sir!... Send the money now.... that's the most
important thing"
Marcus reluctantly gives her the money. Tomi counts it to be sure...
"Thank you, my crown... nice doing business with you dear... Now let's have
our devotion... Let close our eyes and begin to worship God."
"My friend keep shut!!! After scamming me... Worship Him alone this morning
because I'm seriously pained right now...to avoid stories that touch. It best I
excuse you." Marcus said as he gets up to leave the room.
26
"Marcus! Marcus!! Don't let the devil scatter this family because of five
thousand naira... Hahaha... the thing pain baba... Chai... This is what they call
'ise kekere… owo nla’; 'small work... big money’ let me remove my tithe first."
Tomi said as she sings songs of praises.
*
Marcus is watching a TV program...Tomi joins him... he picks up the remote
and changes the channel.
"Wait!! Take it back pls" Tomi said excitedly
"This one you look so excited all of a sudden. hope all is well?" Marcus asked
as he tune It back to the channel.
"Oh my God!! Anthony Joshua!! Awww... This is a cute smile... Marcus this
guy is mwah ..."
"Yeah...he is" Marcus replied
He stretches his hand...
"Oya, aunty... please return my five thousand naira"
Tomi realizes she has broken one of the rules...she tries to save herself.
"This Anthony Joshua is not even fine self... My Marcus is the finest man on
Earth."
"Cool story ma. when you are done whining yourself...tell me... So, if I was as
fine as Anthony Joshua you think I will be jealous? I have accepted my fate.
so don't scam me. He is way finer than me... my five thousand naira pls.."
Tomi hands over the money to him reluctantly.
27
"What is the meaning of this?... This is four thousand naira... where is my
balance...I remember I gave you the complete money" Marcus queried...
"Em… emm... my husband, I already deducted my tithe from the money. "
"How's that my business? the agreement was five thousand naira, so tithe or
no tithe isn't my business, at least the one-thousand-naira balance is with you.
Hand it over...then you can pay your tithe from your own money."
"I already sent the money to the church account..." Tomi replied remorsefully.
"What are you saying now? listen to yourself, is it possible for you to transfer
raw cash through the phone. Please stop playing games"
Tomi hands over the one thousand naira to him. She is seriously pained and
it is very obvious...
"Nice doing business with you my queen... You can see there is peace now. I
love you baby" Marcus said.
Tomi didn't reply as she gets up.
"I am going to cook, are you eating much?" She asked reluctantly
" Eating!! No o... I will drink garri… Don’t bother cooking for me. This one your
eyeballs are red... I can't afford to land in the hospital...thanks, dear." Marcus
replied
"If I talk now... You will say I'm not submissive...just know that you are the
older one here and the head of the family... You should learn to apply once in
a while. I will not say anything...."
"In a nutshell...I lack wisdom, right?" Marcus asked.
28
" I didn't say that o... but if that's what the Holy Spirit is ministering to you...."
She keeps quiet.
"You are mannerless!" Marcus thundered!"
"I'm sorry, I mean it that way, my husband." Tomi apologized.
"I'm sorry too... I didn't mean to shout at you. I was just pissed." Marcus
pleaded.
"It's fine… I want to go cook my food. kindly excuse me!"
Tomi is about taking leaving; Marcus pulls her back.
"Baby. The white rice you are about to cook for us… please spice the stew
with fish"
"Did you just say us?... You said you prefer garri. So, I don't understand why
you suddenly became my teacher"
"Spice the stew with fish" Tomi mimics him.
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HOLY SCAMTRIMONY
©Adebola Timmy
EPISODE ONE: Part 8
"Haba, Tomi! I thought we just settled. You shouldn't be doing this" Marcus
said.
"You are funny! If it's the apology that is making you feel on top of the world.
For your information! I only apologized so you won't have hypertension. Any
little issue, you will be flexing your muscle... Isan Marcus. keep it up.
"Common Tomi, don't be like this. I am sorry... am I forgiven?"
Tomi kept staring at him without responding to his question.

This made Marcus lose his cool.
"I am talking to you… are you deaf!" Marcus thundered.
"Marcus, you told me to keep mute whenever you are talking. Now, you are
insulting me for following your instructions."
"Come off it! You and I know what you just did. You are only trying to use my
words to favor you! Why are you being stubborn?"
"I won't stand here and let you insult me again. If it's because of the food; I
will cook yours. Let me be please."
*
30
Tomi walks away as Marcus kept staring at her angrily till she goes off his
sight.
"God give me patience... I don't want to lay my hands on my wife. I love this
woman but she is frustrating me. I don't know how long I can hold on again…
help me Lord" Marcus prayed silently as he takes his seat and awaits his food.
*
Some minutes later, Tomi serves Marcus his food but didn't utter a single word
to him. Which made him a bit uncomfortable.
"Tomi are you still angry with me?" Marcus asked remorsefully.
"Daddy wa… table manners please! Ese sir"

*
Marcus picks his Bible and begins to read Psalm 23 on the food, Tomi keeps
making jest of him. By the time she finished her food, she notices Marcus is
looking tensed and he's yet to eat his food...
"Why are you shaking like this, and why have you not touched your food?"
Tomi queried.
"Emm…hmm... nothing I was about to but a voice said I should still hold on,"
Marcus said.
"Marcus!! Can you see your life? You are mouthed yet you have no power. I
know you think I poisoned your food. Oga I didn't poison your food o
you better eat your food before it gets cold"
"Ha! Thank you, dear. I was scared...I felt you spiced it with poison. can you
please taste it for me to be sure...I am not doubting you o but you know there
is love in sharing" Marcus said
31
"It's because you know your character is bad...why will I kill you?... You think
I'm like you...wait a minute, I heard you reciting Psalm 23 on the food. You
don't even have faith. it's a pity. A whole Church worker" Tomi said.
Tomi walks up to him.
"Uncle bring the spoon"
She collects the spoon, tasted the food, and cut a larger part of the meat"
"What is the meaning of that?... Why will you touch my meat?" Marcus queried
" That's for damages. if you run your mouth again. I will just eat the rest. I don't
have time for nonsense” Tomi replied.
*
They both settled their misunderstanding and spend the whole night gisting
and playing... Tomi went to the market the following day; two hours later she
returned.
"Welcome my queen. I know you must be tired. I prepared a special meal for
you" Marcus said.
"Awww… thank you, my king, that's why I love you so much... I am seriously
hungry as I speak, please dear, can you serve me?" Tomi winks at him.
"You don't need to bribe me ...it's my duty to take care of my woman" Marcus
replied as he rushes to the kitchen to get the food.
"Egbami! Agege bread and juice! Is this a special meal! Not even slice bread
If I talk now, he will start flexing muscles and shinning his big eyeball. ha! God,
you gave me a plastic husband… he isn’t romantic at all. Ha! Oluwa!! Mo de
soro soke oo." Tomi said to herself silently.
32
"My baby! Chilled juice and fresh Unsliced bread" Marcus said proudly as he
serves Tomi.
"Agege bread and juice…iyen na nice," Tomi said sarcastically
"Yes dear... don't you like it...?" Marcus asked.
" I like it so well, you try gidi gan. God will repay you" she said sarcastically
"Amen. Thanks, dear.. I'm glad you like it" Marcus replied
"My husband, on my way back I met a Pastor. In fact, the way this man was
preaching, I had to leave what I was buying to approach him. I narrated the
way we do have misunderstandings. He said it's not physical; it's a demonic
plan to scatter our marriage" Tomi explained cautiously.
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33
HOLY SCAMTRIMONY
©Adebola Timmy
EPISODE ONE: Part 9
"Tomi! I have told you not to involve a third party when it comes to our marital
issues. You approached a stranger and told him about us. Common… that's
not done! Some Of these Pastors you see are wolves in sheep clothing."
Marcus said.
" They put up lies just to exploit you. I hope he didn't ask you to bring money?"
Marcus queried further.
"Not at all o. He only said we should embark on a day dry fast. He promised
to visit so he can pray with us... I am very sorry my husband. It's just for the
betterment of our lives. I don't want us to keep having issues".
"It's fine dear, just be careful. Tomorrow by God's grace I will join you in the
fasting and prayers". Marcus said.
"Thanks, darling, let me enjoy the Agege bread and juice you gave me....my
special meal".
*
Th following day, they commenced the dry fasting... the Pastor visited at
exactly 2 pm...
"Welcome, sir. I'm so glad you came... Meet the love of my life sir. " Tomi said.
"God bless you, bro. The Lord has revealed a lot about you to me before
coming down here. The battle is from your father's house, in fact, they don't
want you to marry at all, let not waste time. Let us pray," Pastor Jerry said.
34
They prayed for two hours, after the prayers, they discussed for a while.
Marcus was expecting him to take his leave but Pastor Jerry kept on bringing
up talks just to stay longer...
"My dear sister, I noticed you haven't offered me anything...even if it's cold
malt. I will manage. I understand you are fasting so I wouldn't want to stress
you but if you still have the energy to cook, I will appreciate it ...God bless you
ma. you will be surprised you and your husband will have no reason to quarrel
again" Pastor Jerry said.
"Sir, I thought you said we should fast," Marcus asked curiously.
"Bro, this is your battle. I am only helping out." Pastor Jerry replied.
"Tomi! your Pastor is hungry. Cook for him, everybody na scam!!" Marcus
mocks Tomi as he gets up and takes his leave.
"Your husband is not broken... Does he think I am one of those hungry Pastors
out there?" Pastor Jerry laments
"I am very sorry sir; he can be like that at times...he is a very lovely and
accommodating man" Tomi pleaded.
"He should be careful... He shouldn't belittle my anointing...I should take my

leave"
"Haba! Pastor Jerry, please don't be angry...let me quickly prepare something

for you... please pardon us"
"You are a good woman. if I don't listen to you now, it will look as if I'm proud...I
will prefer swallow" he said.
"Okay, sir…thanks, sir.
35
"Amala, precisely. God bless you my sister...you will see you and your
husband won't have issues again"
"Amen! let me rush to the kitchen and prepare your food sir".
*
Tomi rushes to the kitchen to prepare Pastor Jerry's food while her husband
falls asleep in the room. Some minutes later, Tomi serves him in the dining...
"Your food is ready sir. You can come over to the dining" Tomi called out.
"God bless you, my sister... "
Pastor Jerry goes over to the dining, takes his seat, and counts the meat Tomi
served him.
"Six pieces of meat...only me! Ha! God will honor you"
"Amen, sir"... please in case you need more wrap of Amala. Feel free to ask
sir.
Pastor Jerry eats the food hungrily.... he requests for more and consumes it
hurriedly.
"Thank you so much sister, Tomi. I will be taking my leave now...God will
answer your prayers. My regards to your husband".
"Okay, sir". it's nice having you. I will give you a call sir...
*
Moments later, Marcus steps out of the room.
"Has your Pastor gone?" He asked
36
"Yes…what you did was very wrong and disrespectful, why will you speak Ill
of an anointed man of God who was only trying to help us?" Tomi queried.
"Did I send you to expose our marital affair to anyone? you need to be careful,
many of them are out there…wolves in sheep clothing…even the Bible says
many fake prophets will spring up"
"So, asking for food makes him a fake prophet?... You really need to learn
how to control yourself. what you did was rude!" Tomi said.
"Are you trying to insult your husband because of an outsider?". Marcus

queried.
"I am sorry. I don't mean to." Tomi replied.
"You had better be…so you don't lose your home due to your carelessness...
I'm hungry Please, at least we can break our fast now".
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HOLY SCAMTRIMONY
©Adebola Timmy
EPISODE ONE: Part 10
____________________________________________________________
"Haba! that statement is too much o, anyways, yes we can… let me serve
your food"
Marcus watches in shock as Tomi serves him.
"Aunty Tomi, please what's going on?" He asked
"Oh…so my rank has now dropped from sweetheart to aunty, no problem…

human beings are wicked..." Tomi replied.
"That's your cup of tea. My question is…why are you serving me with a piece
of meat?" Marcus asked.
"Uncle Marcus. You know things are expensive now, we need to manage what
we have, you know on a normal day I give you two pieces" Tomi explained.
"Oh! I see... but you can serve your so-called Pastor six pieces of meat and
three wraps of Amala. " He exclaimed!
"Ha! !"
"Will you keep shut! Do you think I didn't see all that happened...I woke up the
moment you served him. can you just imagine. You served a stranger six
pieces of meat and you are giving your husband a piece of meat...can you
see how wise you are?" Marcus yelled.
38
"Don't call him a stranger! He is a man of God... you don't expect me to just
give him anything that isn't worth it, this is a man that is voluntarily helping our
family"
"Point of correction. He is helping you not me because I never told you I was
under any spiritual attack and was he the one that gave you the money to buy
those foodstuffs?" He asked.
"Men!! because you gave me money for foodstuffs, you want to leverage on
that... Don't tell me you are getting jealous..."
"Tomi why are you being unreasonable!... proverb 14 vs 1 says" A wise

woman buildeth her house but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands".
Marcus said.
"Amazing… my husband has become a preacher all because of meat...

Marcus you read meanings into things you ought not to. All these little things
you take seriously do not matter. you are indirectly calling me a foolish
woman, right?"
"If that’s what you think of your actions. Then so be it… imagine, you were
Using 'Sir' and even went on your knees to serve him a glass of water but
you have never done any of those to me before...that's the highest level of
hypocrisy"
"That's enough.Kila gbe ..Kila ju… why the whole insult... it's obvious Pastor
Jerry was right. He already said the battle is from your father's house. This
means you are the cause of all the issues...just look at how you begin to turn
this into a big issue... I am not ready for your drama please" Tomi rants.
"You just insulted my family because of a stranger... You dare call my family
names!... Tomi!!!!"
Marcus walks out on her and heads for the bedroom.
39
"God, why didn't you slap me when I was about to say those words...I have
overstepped my boundaries... but Marcus too has been a bad boy… he is very
stubborn and he makes issues escalate" Tomi said to herself.
***
Her phone rings. The caller happens to be Pastor Jerry.
"Hello sir," Tomi said reluctantly.
"God bless you my sister for that great meal, please kindly send me Airtime.
So, I can always call and pray for you," Pastor Jerry said.
"Pastor, my house is on fire as I speak" Tomi cried out.
"Oh my God! Send the airtime so I can help you call the firefighters. God will
quench the fire" Pastor Jerry replied.
"I don't mean the real fire, sir. I mean my husband is seriously mad at me as
I speak. I need your prayers "
"Oh! Don't worry sister Tomi, God is alive. When you send the airtime, I will
call you so we can pray together"
"Okay, sir, thank you, sir. I will send it now"
***
Tomi transferred one-thousand-naira airtime to Him...Pastor Jerry calls her

almost immediately.
"My sister, I have seen it. God bless you... Just go in and beg your
husband...God will take control"
"I thought you said you were going to pray for me, sir?". Tomi asked
confusingly
40
"Of course, I will be praying along with you... any delay this moment can make
the devil capitalize and penetrate. God will rise and fight your Battle for you"
Pastor Jerry assures her.
"Okay sir… thank you for your unending support" Tomi replied as she rushes
to the room to beg her husband.
***
Marcus is on the bed surfing the net. He ignores Tomi as she goes on her
knees.
"My husband, finest man on Earth, my ride or die, world best, Husband of the
decade, most caring, most romantic, most loving, most charming, king of
boys...Olowo Ori mi. I am very sorry. I know I have been a bad girl. I don't
want to lose you that's why I am here to beg baby mi... I'm sorry"
Tomi burst out in uncontrollable tears as she begs Marcus who has been
watching her without saying a word.
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41
HOLY SCAMTRIMONY
©Adebola Timmy
____________________________________________________________
"Drama queen! who beat you now? I don't understand these tears" Marcus
asked.
"I beat myself" Tomi replied as she increases the tempo of her tears.
"Tomi! Why are you hell-bent on destroying this marriage? I hate it when we
begin to involve people in our affairs...that Pastor is a scam. I don't need God
to tell me before I know... it's obvious"
"Daddy wa…ke de ma wo oo… he is a genuine man of God o" she slaps her
mouth in a bid to keep shut.
"Can you imagine? I hope this man hasn't charmed you. well, I will forgive you
on one condition"
"What is it, my love. I am ready to do anything" Tomi said.
"Cut off from that Pastor immediately!"
"Okay, dear! I will do just that!" Tomi replied.
"That's my baby. Chai! .. So, you can cry and beg like this?" Marcus burst out
laughing
"Don't feel yourself o... I have done rehearsals before coming to meet you.
So, I can cry easily"
42
"Na you Sabi… anyways. it's been a while we made love… this is a perfect
time" Marcus said as he tries to touch her.
"Ha! Stop it… don't you know world sexual purity day is in a few days..."
"What's my business with that? preach that to those having pre-marital sex
not a married man like me… moreover, you are my wife. So, I don't
understand the excuse you are given me"
"Actually, my love… Pastor Jerry said we shouldn't play the game for two
weeks so that the power of love can flow in our midst... He said the devil is
about to attack and we need the power of love to conquer" she explained
nervously.
"Wonderful!... Pastor Jerry is now the general overseer of my home while I

am the residential Pastor and you are the senseless member. I won't eat your
food or sleep in this house until you get your senses back. nonsense!"
Marcus said as he picks the car keys and walks out of the house angrily.
*
Tomi checks her time, it's exactly 11 pm. Marcus is yet to return… This made
her very restless. She picks her phone and calls her mum...she explained all
that happened to her mum. Her mum promises to call Marcus and meet with
them the following day.
"Tomi, bawo lo se se (How did you go about it?) Why will you say such a
statement to your husband? Don't you know men can be very jealous...o Jo
mi o.. o go gan..( you are not like me.. you are very silly)." Tomi's mum scolds
her.
"Maami, I have learned my lesson… just help me beg him when he comes.."
Marcus walks in... he greets Tomi's mum and takes his seat...
43
"Mummy, so sorry for the stress ma. I don't understand why Tomi has to stress
you...this is our fight, not yours " Marcus said
"My son, I understand you like your privacy but at times when things are
getting out of hand. We need to confide in a genuine counselor if we don't
want to confide in our parents... I understand that's what Tomi was trying to
do." Tomi's mum explained.
"Mummy I understand. But that man is a scam. He is fake!" Marcus explained
"Kai… ma so be mo (don’t say that again) with the way Tomi explained, He is
truly a powerful man of God. He told your wife some factual things. it's also
bad to insult men of God...at this point let's forget that.... sleeping outside
because you have issues is also not good. I'm so sorry if she has hurt you.
Tomi, beg your husband".
Tomi apologizes to him… they all embraced one another and began to gist.
"My son, hope you didn't forget my younger sister son's birthday party coming
up soon… my contribution is fifty thousand naira, you promised to send me
the money but I am yet to receive any alert." Tomi's mum said.
"Haba! Maami...is it a day like this you ought to say something like this?" Tomi
queried
"Alaye keep shut! Je kin soro soke o.." Tomi's mum fires back.
"Mummy, I already sent Tomi to you...I gave her sixty thousand naira to give
you"
"Jesu! Tomi is that true... where is the money?"
Tomi goes on her knees...
44
"Maaami… actually… it's the devil's work. I gave Pastor Jerry the money as
a seed... He said God told him to instruct me to sow a seed"
"Mogbe! Tomi!!! Ha!! you and that Pastor Jerry. The both of you are out of
your senses… Its God that will punish that man for me"
"Mummy… but you said he is a man of God and I shouldn't insult him." Marcus
teased
"My son...go ahead and insult him. This one is not a man of God…elebi
ni...agabalagba 419! He met a certified mugu... Oya, Tomi call him and tell
him to come right away that you want to see him"
"Maami…my husband said..."
"My friend, keep shut and call him… It's now you know I said you should cut
off from him" Marcus thundered…
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45
HOLY SCAMTRIMONY
©Adebola Timmy
_____________________________________________________________
Tomi picks up her phone and calls Pastor Jerry.
"Hello, my sister. God bless you...I hope all is well... in fact, I have been fasting
on your behalf. God is about to do a great thing in your marriage"
"Thank you, Pastor, please, I will like to see you. I have a special package for
you" Tomi said.
"Oh! I will be there right away. please prepare something for me to break my
fast… You are blessed".
"Ha! This one is original Ebina ...I will show him pepper today" Tomi's mum
said.
*
Moments later... Pastor Jerry arrives...
"Peace be unto this house" Pastor Jerry proclaims.
"Enh! Kamoru!!! Mogbe!! it is you she is calling Pastor Jerry..ha! Kamoru re
*
Pastor Jerry couldn't utter a word. He was shocked. His game is up!
"Ha! Pastor Jerry. So, you are a scam?" Tomi cried out.
"Are you alright? Can't you hear his name … kamoru. can you see your life?"
Marcus sighed
46
"He is a big scam. This was the same thing he did that landed him in jail..
kamoru. Why did you decide to scam my daughter?" Tomi's mum queried.
"Mamo! Iya nla. Ko ni baje funyi. no be my fault.na hustle. man must chop"
Pastor Jerry explained
"Yee!! I've been duped! Pastor Jerry!! All those Grammar and phonetics you
speak. They have disappeared" Tomi cried out as she grabs him..
"Alaye leave my cloth alone. na jeje I dey…na you carry your two left legs
come meet me. As I see say you be maga. I sharply turn you to my client...
Me wey I never even fall in love before. Na me you dey expect make I dey
counsel and pray for you. Walahi..you dull gan o" Pastor Jerry replied
"I'm doomed!" Tomi said as she rolls on the floor.
"Mr kamoru" Marcus called.
"Big Daddy! I hail you! abeg help me commot that Mr…call me brother
kamoru"
"Brother kamoru"
"Na me be that!! Always guiding! Sharp shooter!! baba, your wife Sabi cook
o..."
"Well done sir, to be honest, I won't blame you at all. It's my wife who is
searching for what isn't lost that is to be blamed for all this... Imagine!...
someone like you eating my wife's food free of charge. the most painful aspect
of it; she even knelt to give you food. To make it worse. She gave you six
pieces of meat". Marcus nods his head in disappointment
"Ha! Kamoru , you will not make Heaven!! You are a thief." Tomi's mum cries
out
47
"Mamo! Leave that aside. Heaven no sure for anybody" Pastor Jerry replied.
"My dear brother kamoru. Please. I am pleading, kindly help me return the
sixty thousand naira you collected from your client; my wife." Marcus pleaded.
"Big Daddy. Women wicked o. If I tell you say I give Sukura the money"
"Which Sukura? hope isn't the one her mum sells pepper?" Tomi's mum
asked.
"Na she o" he replied.
"Good... seems she is a familiar person. Can you please help us get the
money back, even if it's half? We don't mind." Marcus pleaded.
"Big Daddy. Sukura don carry money run, as I give her. She send me
message say she wan break-up. The following day wey I say make I go meet
her for house. Them tell me say she don travel, till today. Her number no go"
Pastor Jerry explained.
"Amazing! scam jam scam. What an unbalanced world!" Marcus sighs.
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48
HOLY SCAMTRIMONY
©Adebola Timmy
_____________________________________________________________
"Make sure you arrest him. He is a thief. Honey, please arrest him" Tomi said.
"Well, you can take your leave. Please make sure you don't call my wife again
and desist from this evil attitude of yours. There are better ways to make
money, you are still young and vibrant" Marcus advised
"Thanks, boss. You na good man, follow your wife talk make she no dey talk
your matter up and down. No marriage perfect. Fight go surely happen... a
beautiful woman like this… na why some fake prophet dey use juju marry
them. Sister abeg dey very careful o" Pastor Jerry said.
"Thanks for your advice, you can excuse us," Marcus said.
"Abeg help me with transport money... I don think say sister go drop as usual.
I no know say kasala go burst "
"God will punish you!! You have the audacity to ask for money" Tomi barked
at him.
*
Marcus ignores Tomi, as he dips his hands in his pocket and gave Pastor
Jerry some cash. Jerry counts the money given to him
"Tuale!! You too much... five thousand naira. only me! Big Daddy! You be
better man. I am very sorry for exploiting you, sir..."
*
He removes one thousand naira notes and stretches them to Tomi's mum.
49
"Mamo! No vex… abeg make you and sister help me manage this money.
Make una use am buy mineral” Pastor Jerry said.
"Kamoru! So wa okay? will you get out of this place before I pounce on you"
Tomi's mum threatened.
"I am very sorry… thanks for your time. God bless you and peace be unto this
house" Pastor Jerry said as he leaves.
Tomi rolls on the floor shouting on top of her voice as she picks herself up and
goes on her knees
"My husband, I know I deserved to be dealt with… I felt I was saving my

marriage. I never knew I was exposing it to more dangers." Tomi pleaded
"Can you just see your life! A tout duped you, to make it worse. A tout is
teaching you how to run your home. Tomi, I warned you! I warned you
seriously but you wouldn't listen" Marcus said.
"I'm sorry my husband. I was only trying to save our marriage from spiritual
attack"
"Who told you we are under any attack? is it abnormal for couples to have
misunderstandings? Did I ever lay my hands on you? Have I ever slept
outside? Even the day I did, you were the cause of it all and it was due to this
your so-called Pastor Kamoru"
"Mama, please help me beg my husband... I'm very sorry".
"I am disappointed in you Tomi… your father and I will be celebrating our 36th
marriage anniversary in few weeks. You know how stubborn your father is and
you also know I am very stubborn, yet, we have found a way to stay happy
together. I have never for once called you to report your father to you. You
have a good man like this, because of little misunderstanding, you began to
50
seek advice from unworthy people. What you did is capable of making you
lose your marriage"
"Ha! Maami! Please, I don't want to lose my husband. Dear, please forgive
me" Tomi weeps.
"It is fine. We all make mistakes. You know I love you, just learn from this
please and work on yourself. Don't take my kindness for granted."
***
Marcus helps her up and embraces her. They both exchange sweet words as
Tomi's mum looks at them with keen interest as they sat down.
"Naawa o…Romeo and Juliana. This your love is deep, at least you will let
me take my leave before doing all this your yori-yori love. I have my husband
too oo"
***
They all laugh at her statement.
"I'm happy for you both. Please learn to agree as a couple. My son, I'm about
to take my leave, please what of the sixty thousand naira you want to give
me?"
"Maami! Haba!! "Tomi scolds
"Keep quiet! I am talking to my in-law not you"
"Mama, which money is that ma?" Marcus asked
"The money for the event I told you na. The one Pastor Kamoru collected from
his client" she eyes Tomi unpleasantly as she speaks
"Mama, I'm sorry…by my records...I have given you the money. Unfortunately,
the money has been squandered. So, kindly bear with us Ma." Marcus
explains politely.
51
"Mogbe! Tomi, you will have to pay me the money o. I give you three days"
"With all due respect, Ma. I know she is your daughter but she is my wife. You
can't threaten my woman. This is between you and me. Whenever I have any
money to spare, I will send it to you before the event ma."
"Please put on the A/C, I'm feeling hot and sweaty," Tomi's mum said
"Maami, the A/c is on."
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"Ha! That means I have developed instant malaria. I will need to rest here for
one week" Tomi's mum says.
"Enh!!one what!!!" Marcus and Tomi say shockingly.
"Infarct, I feel like fainting as I speak. Please, help me spread the mat on the
floor" Tomi's mum said.
"Maami, what do you need a mat for?" Tomi queried.
"I said I want to faint; you are asking me what I need a mat for. Is it not on the
floor I will land when I faint or do you want me to wound myself?" Tomi's mum
asked furiously.
"Mummy don't be annoyed ma. I will transfer forty thousand naira to you "
Marcus pleaded.
"Thank you, my son. When are you sending it?"
"By weekend ma" Marcus replied.
"Please get me the mat. " Tomi's mum said.
"Okay mummy. I will send it right away, don’t faint ma".
53
***
Marcus transfers the Money to her; she confirms the alert.
"Thank you, my son. God bless you. Let me be on my way"
"Maami, I thought you said you have malaria and you feel like fainting. Is it not
too risky for you to start moving about?" Tomi asked
"As I was sitting, I felt a mighty wind blowing towards my side, immediately I
felt so relieved. It blew off both the fainting spirit and the malaria demon"
Tomi's mum said.
"Ha! Maaami! Eberu Olorun! Where we not here together? when did the wind
blow?" Tomi questions her mum.
"My friend keep shut! What do you know? I am talking of something that
happened in the spirit realm. In fact, I am going home. I wish to stay but you
won't let me rest if I stay here. You will end up killing me your questions"
Tomi's mum said as she gets up to take her to leave.
"Maaaamii! it is well" Tomi said
"Amen. Ese. Pastor Mrs! At least, use this same energy to pray for your
marriage" Tomi's mum hits back.
"Ye!! Savage!! That's deep!" Marcus teased.
"Agabaya ni e Marcus. Maami… Oya, maami you have overstayed your

welcome before you hit me with another punchline"
Tomi carries her bag and escorts her to the gate. She returns to meet Marcus
who is still sitting in the living room.
***
"My husband, please I need twenty thousand naira to make my hair"
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"Is twenty thousand naira not too small for my queen to look beautiful? I feel
that's too cheap". Marcus replied.
"Emm… love of my life, actually, it's very small but I don't want to bother you.
That's why I asked for that small amount" she replied.
"Common dear, if you don't bother me, who will you bother then? Please baby
loot me; I am your palliative. I want you to make the hairstyle you did on our
wedding day. I need you to look beautiful. How much will it cost?" Marcus
asked
"My king, my career, my vision, my world. What can I do without you? Oh!
What a great and loveable man art thou? To make that hairstyle, it will cost
fifty thousand naira"
"Oh… too small. I will give you sixty thousand naira"
***
Marcus transfers the money into her account immediately.
"I just sent you the money. Have you received the alert?" He asked
I'm having issues with my alert. I hardly receive alerts these days. Thank you,
my King. God bless you. I need to rush to the next street to withdraw the
money via POS" Tomi said as she hurriedly leaves the house.
***
A few minutes later, Marcus is on a call with his sister when Tomi walks in
looking exhausted.
"Oh! Very good, my wife is here, say hello to her" Marcus gives Tomi the
phone.
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"Good afternoon our pretty wife" Linda greeted.
"My beautiful in-law. It’s been a while" she replies faintly.
"Yes o! You sound very tired. I hope my brother isn't stressing you and I hope
he is taking care of you?." Linda asked.
***
Tomi looked at Marcus scornfully before replying...
"He is trying his best but we are still teaching him to be a caring husband"
"Don't mind my Brother. He likes forming tough guy. Don't worry sis, I will be
coming over once I return from school this week to spend my long vacation at
your place"
"Enh enh . Toh... okay na" she replies reluctantly.
"Don't forget I don't eat fish. I love using warm water and I hate to use
detergent because I'm allergic to it. I love having lots of onions in my food and
I don't joke with chicken laps. I love you sis” she cuts the call.
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See me see trouble, what sort of rubbish is this? or did someone charm her
to behave abnormally?” Tomi speaks to herself quietly.
"My phone please and let prepare for her arrival," Marcus said
"Whose arrival sir?" Tomi asked
"My sister of course!".
"Let's leave that aside first. ha! You are heartless."
"What have I done again?" Marcus asked.
"What have you not done? How much did you transfer to me?"
"Five hundred naira and is that too small for you?" Marcus asked.
"Can you see how wicked you are? you allowed the love of your life to trek
under this hot sun and you knew you were only fooling her. Ha! Marcus, you
are worse than a snake"
"My friend, keep quiet! have you lost your senses? Why are you so heartless
and unreasonable?" Marcus asked angrily.
"Ha! Emi! What did I do... who is the heartless one between us?"
57
"You of course! I gave you sixty thousand naira to give your mum, you gave it
to one idiot that calls himself brother kamoru. As if that's not enough, your
mum stylishly held me to ransom in my house insisting she was going to faint.
I transferred forty thousand naira to her, making it a hundred thousand naira.
I didn't say anything. You also opened your shameless mouth to ask me for
twenty thousand naira. Can you see how sensible you are?"
"You should have told me you won't give me, rather than you making me
stress myself. I made a fool out of myself there. It was looking like I want to
scam them. You are wicked!" Tomi said
"I am disappointed they didn't deal with you over there"
"Imagine! Were you not the one that told me to loot you? You said you are my
palliative". Tomi fires
"Sorry o, Martin Luther King. So, do I look like a palliative to you? Or as a

Christian are you meant to loot?"
"Ha!! Nice one. scammer! My God will fight for me. I feel like fainting right
now" Tomi said
"Faint! I will bundle you to the hospital and pay for your bed space for six
months, I will tell them not to let you go, you are seriously in need of bed rest."
Marcus replied.
"So, you can bring another woman home, right? You can't even beg me not
to faint. Don't worry. I will beg myself. I am not fainting again. Oya, Marcus I
know I'm wrong but at least just say sorry "
"Now you are talking. Oya sorry my Queen. Let's draft the list of things you
need to get in the market. I wouldn't want my sister to lack anything. I want us
to have a surplus so we won't ration anything" Marcus said
Tomi drafts a list of things they need to get and hands it over to Marcus.
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Marcus screams the moment he saw it.
"Whose bride price list is this?" Marcus asked
"Bride price ke? Were you not the one who asked me to draft a list?"
"Three hundred thousand naira!! Tomi!!! Ha!! Fear God"
"What is it? Don't you know things are now expensive and don't forget your
sister is a Nigerian with an American soul, Canadian spirit and British
intestine"
"What is the meaning of that nonsense?" Marcus asked angrily.
"Sorry oo. What I'm trying to say is; she is too selective; she behaves like a
foreigner. Someone they gave birth to in the village. She spent six years in
the village and returned to spend extra three years making it nine years
because she couldn't gain admission. "
"My friend keep shut! Historian! You know her history more than I do now,
right? Take that Bible and swear you didn't add at least fifty thousand naira
extra to this Money"
"Daddy wa, swearing is a sin. Let me be honest with you. The total expenses
are actually one hundred and twenty thousand naira "
"I said it! So, how did one hundred and eighty thousand naira get involve?"
Marcus asked
"I can explain. I will definitely need to buy drinks and food to eat when I feel
hungry; I budgeted ten thousand naira for that. I will give beggars money
because the Bible says we should help the needy; I budgeted thirty thousand
naira for that. Those that will Help me carry the goods; I budgeted twenty
thousand naira for them. I budgeted thirty thousand naira for the stress fee
59
because it's going to be very stressful. I also budgeted twenty thousand naira
for the compensation fee. In case I get to a place and they don't have what I
need, I need to compensate myself. I'm trusting God to guide me on how to
spend the remaining seventy thousand naira."
"Tomi!! You are a thief! Ha!”
" you haven't seen anything! Didn't we agree before getting married that none
of our family members will stay with us?!" Tomi replied
“Tomi! You should learn to be flexible. Alright. I apologize for that. I will add
twenty thousand naira to the initial money. So, you can get one or two things
for yourself”
“if I don’t collect it now. You will say I am proud and not submissive. I will
manage it. Let me be on my way” she replied.
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Tomi rushes to the market to get the foodstuffs. On her way back she met
Linda at the bus stop waiting for a cab. She parked right in front of her.
"My sweet in-law" Tomi called
"It's a lie! Our wife, where are you coming from?" Linda asked.
"I went to the market to get some stuffs o. We have been preparing for you. I
am sure you going to our place right" Tomi asked
"Yes o. I have been waiting here for almost twenty minutes." Linda explained.
"Aww. Sorry, dear. God has finally answered your prayers, let me open the
door so you can hop in"
"Never mind, I already called my brother to come to pick me up," Linda said.
"You mean my husband?" Tomi asked curiously.
"Of course! You know his car suit my status and it's much comfortable and
fully air-conditioned"
"My in-law! You amaze me. Well, I understand how school life is. My car is
very comfortable and the air-conditioner is working perfectly well, I decided
not to put it on"
61
"Hmmmm. Well, let me come out plain so we don't drag this. I prefer to ride in
the Jeep. "
"Oh! I see, so because my car is for low-class people and my husband's Jeep
is for a high class like you" Tomi said sarcastically
"Exactly! Well explained. You are such a darling. Thanks for your concern.
We will meet at home" Linda said.
***
She receives a call from Marcus almost immediately. He explained he
wouldn't be able to come to pick her up as earlier promised due to body pains.
He needs to rest. Linda looks distraught. She stops Tomi who is about to drive
off.
"Our wife, I think I have no choice but to follow you"
"Our in-law, I thought you said my husband or should I say your brother is
coming to pick you up with his Jeep" Tomi queried.
"Yes, that was our initial agreement but he called now saying he is having
body pains and won't be able to come to pick me up".
"Ehya! Sorry, dear. It happens. Well, I advise you to wait for a cab. In less
than one hour you should get one." Tomi said.
"Haba! Don't tell me you will let your in-law remain stranded here. Please open
the door let me hop in"
"Why not disappear instead of hopping in? I politely requested you join me
since we both are going to the same place but you summarized my whole life
in one minute. Stylishly calling me a low class because I use a car and your
brother who happens to be my husband is the high class because he uses a
Jeep. You wey Dem born for village o"
62
"Excuse me! You don't talk to your in-law that way. Whatever, if you know you
can't let me in. At least, you should give me money for a cab" Linda said.
"Under which Constitution is that or should I say what Bible verse is it written?
I thought you said you were waiting for a cab earlier. So are you saying you
don't have a dime on you?" Tomi asked.
"Actually, I was hoping to get a lift or your husband pays for the cab fare. You
know I can't take public transport because of my class" Linda said.
"Amazing! Omo abule in action. Well, I would consider the fact that you are
my in-law and help you. Let me give you transport fare."
***
Tomi opens her purse and brings outa two hundred naira notes. She hands it
over to Linda who kept looking at her disgustingly before collecting the money.
"I don't understand. What's this money for?" Linda asked.
"Your transport of course. Take public transport!"
"You must be joking; you mean a high class like me will board public transport.
Can't you see I have luggage?"
"Oh! My in-law, I'm sorry, I didn't realize" Tomi said as she gets down from
her car, opens her car trunk and put Linda's luggage in the car trunk. She
enters back into her car.
"Now, I have helped you carry your luggage. Once you get to the bus stop,
you will trek to the house. It's not far. Just twenty minutes. The Lord will
strengthen you." Tomi said.
"What are you trying to do?" Linda asked angrily
"I am trying to teach you respect, manners, and humility," Tomi said.
63
"Do you realize I'm your husband’s sister and I can send you away from that
house?"
"My in-law off your mic! If you try rubbish with me, I know you so well and I
have heard of you so well. How problematic and manipulating you can be. I
am a different species o. Ask your brother when you get home. If you try to
pull any stunt, I will deal with you physically and spiritually. God bless you, my
in-law, I love you. See you at home." Tomi said as she zooms off.
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Linda couldn't utter a statement. She was not expecting such a reaction from
Tomi because she always had her way with others but Tomi seems to be
difficult but to crack. She begins her journey as she boards a public transport
heading towards her route.
***
Tomi gets home and orders the gateman to pack Linda's luggage into the
house. Marcus was shocked to see the luggage.
***
"Whose luggage are those?" Marcus asked.
"It's for my high-class in-law" Tomi replied.
"I don't understand what you mean"
"It's for your sister. I met her at the bus stop and decided to offer her luggage
a lift."
"Oh! Why didn't she come with you?" Marcus asked.
"She said she is waiting for you to come to pick her with your Jeep," Tomi
replied.
"But I already called her I won't be coming to pick her again; you should have
at least given her a ride. This is unfair. Where is she now?"
65
"Marcus please! Why not give her a call? I just got back from the market and
you know how stressful that can be. You didn't even greet me or welcome me
as a wife. Instead, you began to question me. I need to rest, please. When
your sister comes, ask her why she didn't come with me" Tomi yelled.
"Haba! Baby don't take it too far. I'm sorry, you should go get a cool shower"
"Now you are talking. Did you cook?" Tomi asked surprisingly.
"Why do you ask?"
"I can see the dining is well set. My romantic husband. Thanks, Honey" Tomi
praised.
"Actually, I cooked but it's not for you. It's for Linda. I'm sure she will be very
tired when she comes and I wouldn't also want you to stress yourself cooking
for her when you come back from the market". Marcus explained.
"I see. So, I don't deserve to also get such a treat. You know I have a power
bank that charges my body system whenever I am weak that's why I don't
need food also when I return. Marcus, I hope what I have been running from
all these years won't end up happening?"
" What's that?" Marcus asks
"Your family interfering in my marriage and you placing them above me."
"Haba! That's not possible. I didn't mean it that way. I just feel since she is my
baby sister, I need to pamper her." Marcus explained.
66
"I see! Mr. Pampers. it should better not be. If not! it's vegetables I will use to
finish your case. Let keep behaving as Christians to avoid stories that touch
the heart." She threatened. Marcus laughed at her statement.
“Common! You know I love vegetables so much. I won’t say gladly eat it” He
replied.
“Ha! Marcus! You don’t understand…you feel it’s just an ordinary vegetable
right….by the time I reset your factory settings, you will understand better.
Just continue misbehaving”
“You are beginning to scare me with these your constant threats…. I hope you
won’t end up killing somebody”
***
“You are just mouthed. So, you are scared of death yet you keep flexing your
muscles at me. You don’t know after God. I am the one in charge of your life.
I am the manager of your soul…I love you, baby boy.” Tomi teased as she
walks past him to the room laughing.
“God! What have I done wrong to deserve such a lady?... Imagine my wife
calling herself the manager of my soul. isn’t that a sign of witchcraft? her jokes
are too expensive” Marcus said to himself as he rushes to open the door on
hearing the doorbell.
Linda walks in tiredly and sits restlessly on the sofa.
“Welcome brother. Please, if you don’t want me to die, I need chilled juice to
quench my thirst” Linda said
“Why not take water first. I think that’s better dear” Marcus replied.
67
“I will die o!” She re-affirmed. Marcus rushes to get the juice from the fridge
and serves her. She collected it from him and drinks it hurriedly.
“Chai! Take it easy!”, Marcus teased. She lets out a loud belch.
“Who is that goat for crying out loud?” Tomi queried as she walks into the
living room
“Tomi!” Marcus called out!
“What! Why will you belch like that?” she asked
“I wasn’t the one who did. It was my sister for God’s sake!” Marcus replied
softly.
“I was the goat who belched” Linda replied in an unfriendly manner.
“My sweet in-law, I’m sorry, I didn’t know a goat was around. I meant to say I
didn’t know you are around. I felt it was my husband. I’m sorry” she struggled
to explain herself.
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“Must you talk!” Marcus whispers.
“I was only apologizing! courtesy demands I apologize to my in-law” she

replied.
“Can’t you apologize in a very simple way? Must you complicate issues?” He
hits back… Linda watches them amusingly.
she gets up and slowly walks up to Tomi.
“So, you have the guts to call your husband’s sister a goat, right?” she asked
in a low but stern voice.
“Aunty! I thought I just said I was sorry. I didn’t know you were the one. I felt
it was your brother that belched like a goat!” Tomi explained
“Brother, is that your pet name?” Linda asked curiously.
“What name are you talking about?” Marcus asked.
“Goat, of course, your wife says that what she calls you.” Tomi cuts in
immediately.
“My in-law, I didn’t really mean he is a goat. Don’t get me wrong. I only
attributed the name to one of his characters because he can be as stubborn
as a goat.” Tomi explained.
69
“Tomi just shut up! The more you try to explain, the more you are complicating
issues. Linda, it’s okay. Let it slide… I apologize on her behalf. She can be
like that when she is stressed.” Marcus explained.
“Oh! You mean she doesn’t really think straight when she is stressed?” Linda
asked sarcastically
“Something like that! please, let’s just forget this whole issue. You both are to
be very close. Linda, I know you must be very hungry, I already prepared the
food you will eat.
“Now I Understand, thanks brother, we will talk better tomorrow, let me eat
first. I need to sleep” she said as walks to the dining, picks up the tray of food,
and return to the living room
“Okay, dear...I need to go and lock the gate; it’s getting late already “Marcus
said as he leaves them.
“My in-law, I’m sorry, you can’t eat there. We don’t eat in the living room here.
please, kindly go back to the dining” Tomi pleaded.
“That’s none of your business, it’s my brother’s house, I can eat wherever I
like. can you just mind your business?... “
“Hmmm… my dear sister in the Lord, why are you trying to let the devil push
you to suffer. Can’t you just pretend to be sensible?” Tomi said
“Oh! I have heard a lot about you, you should be thankful I didn’t mention a
word about the bad treatment you gave me earlier today. If you know what’s
good for you, avoid me in this house because I am capable of sending you
out of this house” she warned.
70
“Amazing! I think I know what the problem is… let me reintroduce myself to
you. Before I became born again, they call me; Tomi terror... ha! If you do
anyhow, you will see anyhow. My dear, I can’t accept any mess from you but
don’t you dare interfere in my marriage. If you try to put up any show just to
cause a rift between my husband and me… trust me, I will deal with you
mercilessly…God bless you, my in-law. I love you!” she said as she walks out
on her.
“How is my brother coping with this woman? The battle line has just been
drawn. I will show you that I have the power to flush you out of this house.”
She said to herself. Marcus walks in.
“I hope all is well? Who were you talking to?” He asked
“Welcome brother, don’t mind me, I was trying to recite my prayers before
eating.”
“Oh! Great. Where is my wife?” he asked.
“She should be in the room.” She replied
“Linda, please I need you to make peace with her. She isn’t who you think she
is. She is a very loveable woman, if you want to enjoy her, you need to make
her feel comfortable and homely. If not, she can be very difficult to deal with,
you need to respect her please.” Marcus pleaded.
“I have heard you brother; you should also tell her to treat me well. You know
I use to be your baby before you married her. Ever since you married her, you
don’t give me much attention again”
“Are you jealous?” Marcus teased.
71
“Yes! “She replied
“Hahaha… common! You are already a big girl; you know I’m now a married
man. I have my hands full, don’t worry, I will treat you like a queen during your
stay here. You know I love you”
“I love you too brother.,”
“Let me join my wife in the room, make sure you pray before you sleep, and
don’t forget to off the lights. Good night”
Marcus walks into the room and meets Tomi sited on the edge of the bed. He
tries touching her but she hits his hands hard.
“That hurts! What is the problem dear?” Marcus asked but Tomi didn’t
respond.
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“Tomi! I am talking to you. Why the sudden change in attitude?”
“You expect me to answer such a silly question from you when you know
exactly what the problem is.” She replied rudely.
“How dare you talk to me in that manner? What has suddenly come over you?
Are you sure all is well with you?” he queried her angrily
“Just hit the nail on the head and say I am going crazy because I don’t
understand why you will be asking me such. Marcus please just let me be.
Can’t you see I am not in the mood to talk?” she replied.
“Honestly speaking, Tomi, I don’t understand you anymore. Enough of you

always trying to play yourself out of blames and faults. When you are guilty
you should learn to apologize” Marcus said
“Guilty of breaking the promise we both made that none of our family members
will stay with us, right? Or guilty of making me look stupid in front of your
manner-less sister” Tomi barked.
*
Marcus lifts his hands and attempts to slap Tomi but controlled himself.
73
“Ehn! Marcus! Do you want to slap me? ha! MOGBE! What has never
happened ever since we got married. just a few hours your sister has spent
here, the spirit of violence has entered your life.” She said as shed crocodile
tears.
Marcus moves close to her and grabs her hands softly.
“Babe, I’m sorry. You know I will never lay my hands on you. I have never for
once done that and I trust God to help me never to.
“This maltreatment is too much. Domestic violence o. Ha! My head Hurts. My

cheek o” She continues shedding her crocodile tears to the amusement of
Marcus.
“Tomi but I didn’t touch you. How come you suddenly developed all those
symptoms?” He asked curiously
“Leave me alone o. Instead of you to pet me, you are still questioning me.”
“My love, the joy of my life, my queen I am sorry. You know I love you and I
Will do anything to make you happy. I am so sorry once again. I want peace
to reign in this house” He pleaded.
“I love you too Marcus. I wasn’t just happy with the way you shifted the whole
focus to your sister. I’m human. I get jealous. I can’t let any woman come and
take your attention off me because when your neck was like a toothpick, I was
the one who stood by you, now that God has blessed us. I deserve to enjoy
everything in full.” She said as Marcus laughed at her statement
74
“Tomi you are just too dramatic! You should consider being an actress you
know but on a serious note you referring to my sister as a goat or even myself
wasn’t nice at all. That was so disrespectful.”
“It’s because you people don’t watch Natgeo wild, if not, you will know that
those foreign goats are very valuable. Especially those ones from Mexico. So,
I wasn’t referring to Nigerian goats when I said you behave like a goat” she
tries defending herself.
“Must you always defend yourself? Don’t you realize it only complicates
matters? I’m sorry is enough to save a marriage from crumbling. You need to
learn to apologize when you are wrong. Can we sleep now?” he asked.
“I’m sorry!” she replied
“I have forgiven you… can we sleep?” he asked again.
“I’m sorry “she replied
“I said I have heard!... It’s okay. let’s sleep”.
“I’m sorry oooooooooooooooooo”. she said repeatedly.
“Oh, Lord! If there’s any sin, I might have committed in the past that has made
you decide to use this woman to punish me, please just forgive me. “Marcus
prays silently”
“Tomi Goodnight, please! You can keep saying I’m sorry for as long as you
can. Tomi joins him in bed, they joke for a while before sleeping
*
Tomi suddenly wakes up at midnight. Loud music is heard from Linda’s room.
She wakes Marcus.
75
“Marcus wake up!” she taps him repeatedly.
“What is it for God’s sake?!” he asked still lying down.
“Oga stand-up jare!” she barks at him
He reluctantly sits up.
“Where is that loud music coming from?” he asked.
“I think it’s the village champion that came to visit you… Please you need to
tell her to stop playing that music. You know I can’t have a good sleep with
that”.
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“I have told you to mind the way you speak of my sister. You should learn to
respect her.” Marcus said
“Babe, I’m sorry. Please help me tell her to stop the music. My amazing in-
law” she said sarcastically
“That’s better!” Marcus replies as he gets up to meet his sister.
“God! They may not know me but you know me, Lord! You know my past.
You know I used to be a terror. Please help me to keep behaving like a
sensible person because this girl keeps pushing me to the wall” she prays as
she lays back to sleep.
***
Marcus returns, he lay on the bed restlessly. He tries to touch Tomi from
behind but Tomi hits his hand. He moves close to her again. She pushes him
away and sits up.
“Marcus what is it for crying out loud!”
“I don’t understand what you mean! Can’t I touch my wife again?” He snapped
“Don’t you know the noise your sister was making couldn’t let me sleep and
now my headaches?”
“Sorry, dear. Let me treat you” he closes his eyes and tries to kiss her but she
covers her face with the pillow and he ended up kissing the pillow”
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“Marcus! I told you I have a headache yet you still want to play the game!
Assassin ni e o. Do you want to kill me?”
“Will you keep quiet. You shouldn't deny me sex no matter what. I own you
and can make love to you whenever I want. “
“Ha! Marcus, see the way your veins are popping... if you can use this same
energy to serve God. You will be better than this o. When it comes to sexual
issues you will be shinning your eyes as if your destiny depends on it.
“That’s none of your business. All I know is we must make love tonight.”
Tomi realizes that Marcus is hell-bent on making love to her. She went on her
knees and pleads with him
“I’ve heard you. It’s because of the headache o but next time I won’t listen to
you o”.
They settled their misunderstanding and slept off
As early as 5a.m, Linda came to knock on the door repeatedly
“Who is that?” Marcus asked.
“Brother, it’s me. I want to have my bath and I need hot water. Tell your wife
to come and help me boil water”
“Linda! she is still asleep. Please when she wakes, she will do that, or better
still you can go to the kitchen and boil it.” Marcus replied
“Okay, brother”. She grumbled as she leaves for the kitchen.
78
*
“My Marcus! I am proud of you. Now you are behaving like a man” Tomi said
as she sits up.
“Tomi! I actually thought you were sleeping?”
“I was actually sleeping but she woke me up. I thought you would wake me to
go and boil the water for her. Me!, will play dead. You will wake me. I won’t
even answer.” She said determinedly.
“Must you talk! You know what! Get up and go help her boil that water” Marcus
said.
“You are whining me, right?” she asked.
“I am damn serious! Go and boil that water for her right away or you will see
my red eyes.” He barked.
“My mouth has put me into trouble. If í had known, I will just keep pretending”
she said she gets up and reluctantly leaves for the kitchen
*
On getting to the kitchen, she was shocked to meet Linda picking meats from
the pot of soup
“Ha! My in-law, so you are a thief! Is it not water you said you want to boil?
When did my pot of soup turn to water?” she said as she checks the pot of
soup and discovered she has eaten five of the ten portions of meat she put in
the soup.
“Excuse me! How dare you call me a thief! I was bored, so I decided to keep
myself company” she replied
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“Your brain must be faulty! It’s like you want to see crazy! what are you
saying? You were bored, so my own pot of soup is a boredom killer!”
“Something like that!” Linda replied.
“Boredom didn’t push you to hit your head against the wall, it didn’t push you
to wash the plates or dip your hands in hot water. Your own boredom only
pushes you to eat meat?” Tomi said
“You don’t have to cry over this. After all, it’s my brother who gave you the
money to buy them. So, why acting like it’s your money.” Linda said.
“My father in heaven! Please, just give me one minute to backslide. I won’t
exceed one minute daddy. Please dear lord. One-minute pere!” she said as
she goes on her knees.
She was about to grab Linda by her hair when Marcus walks in!
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“What’s going on here? Why the noise this early morning?” Marcus queried.
“Brother! Your wife threatened to kill me… she said she will destroy me and
make sure I regret coming here” Linda said as she shed crocodile tears.
“Ha! My in-law! Fear God o! your brother knows I can’t even hurt a fly. Sweet
Marcus, don’t believe her” Tomi said
“We will sort that out later. What exactly is the problem? “Marcus asked.
Tomi went on her knees.
“My husband, world best, most handsome, most caring, most generous”.
“Tomi can you just go straight to the point, please? Calling me those names
doesn’t change anything at this point.” Marcus fired.
“Don’t mind her. That’s how they behave. Pretenders!” Linda added.
“My husband, remember you asked me to boil water for your sister, on getting
to the kitchen. Ha! My husband, human beings are wicked o. We don’t have
good people anymore o. Apart from myself.”
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“You have started your silly talks again, right?... Can you just hit the nail on
the head!” Marcus thundered!
“Olowo Ori mi, don’t be annoyed… the thing shock me. I never knew my in-
law is a professional thief. You need to see the way she was picking those
meats from the pot. The way she was using her teeth to slim fit the meat. ha!
Heaven isn’t sure for this girl o. Ogbó lọ gbo meat robber.” She explained
dramatically.
“What exactly is your problem? I gave you the money to buy them. So, if my
sister who happens to be your in-law decides to eat them all. It’s none of your
business!”
“it’s like my ear didn’t hear well… Marcus! What did you just say? ha! They
have finally caught my husband!... wo pada tán candle fun sweetheart mi! it’s
official!” Tomi said as she shed crocodile tears.
“The meat is not even sweet. I was only managing it. brother, I will not come
here again. Your wife has really insulted and maltreated me. I am not a dog
for God’s sake.” Linda said.
“I’m sorry dear. Feel free to take anything or even eat anything you like. You
are part of this family.”
“Marcus it’s not possible! she has no right to touch my pot. What has come
over you?! if she touches my pot again, I promise you, that’s the last time I will
cook in this house. Mark my words!” Tomi warned.
“Brother, don’t beg her. I will do the cooking. What is she feeling like?” Linda
said rudely
“You know what! Don’t cook for us again. I and Linda won’t eat your food
anymore. You think you are indispensable because I always call you a great
cook. God has finally humbled you. Linda will floor your cooking skill.”
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“The battle line has been drawn. Marcus, mark my words. You will go on your
knees to beg me. You have just made me look worthless in front of your sister.
Remember, she will leave soon. You will wish you never treated me like a
piece of trash” she said as she walks away
“Go! We won’t beg you. “Linda yelled.
“Linda that’s enough! I don’t like the way you speak to my wife. You need to
respect her. I hope I won’t regret this decision I just made. Are you sure you
now know how to cook?” Marcus asked
“Yes, brother. I have improved my cooking skill. You will just need to lend me
your laptop and subscribe to the internet. I need YouTube videos to guide
me.” Linda said.
“Wahala!... Linda!... Wahala!...” Marcus said as he sits on the floor restlessly.
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“Brother, you don’t have to panic, all is well,” Linda assured.
“I am actually hungry as I speak and I can’t let you make use of my laptop
now because I have something important to do. Can you make noodles?” he
asked.
“Haba! Brother! I can make all kinds. Garnished noodles, fried noodles,
normal noodles, etc.” she bragged.
“Good! Please just do the normal noodles. How much will it cost to make that?”
he asked.
“Two thousand naira!” she replied.
“Ha! Linda! Ordinary noodles and eggs! Common, don’t just try exhorting me,
I am way smarter than that” he said as he hands over one thousand naira to
her and leaves for the room.
*
84
Tomi is sited on the sofa in the room. Marcus walks in, he realizes Tomi looks
unbothered. He sits on the bed for a while but Tomi ignored him totally. He
couldn’t take it anymore.
“So, you aren’t going to apologize right?” he asked
Tomi ignored him and continues pressing her phone excitedly.
“I am talking to you!” Marcus barked.
“Hello, Uncle Marcus! If you like hit your head on the wall if you like to bite
your tongue. I won’t apologize!” she replied.
“I see! Your husband asked you to stop cooking for him and you sit here
comfortably allowing another woman to take over your kitchen. Are you not
meant to fight for your home?”, Marcus said angrily.
Tomi gets up and walks up to him.

“You can’t make me feel stupid! That lady in the kitchen is your sister. She
isn’t a strange woman and you asked her to take over your kitchen after
making your wife look so stupid in front of her. This was the exact reason I
never wanted family members. You are not just man enough to handle issues,
you need to grow up!” she said to his face.
85
“Do you realize I am your husband and I can send you parking?” Marcus
threatened.
“Mr. Man! Do you also realize I am your wife? Don’t let me go on my knees
and cry to God to make you suffer!” Tomi fired back.
“Tomi, stop this! What has come over us? We shouldn’t be acting this way.
You know I hate it when we quarrel. Just apologize and get ready to prepare
our supper.”
“I can see you now take me for a slave. This time around, you will know my
worth. Mark my words, you will go on your knees and beg!” she walks out of
the room.
“God! What has gotten into the head of this woman? I love my wife but I can’t
also make my family feel less loved. “Marcus said as he sits on the edge of
the bed.
*
Linda knocks on the door and enters carrying a plate of noodles.
“Brother, your food is ready o.” she drops it on the bed
“Linda! You should at least put it on a tray and I don’t drink sachet water. You
should know that.” Marcus said
86
“Brother, abeg! You know I’m not your wife o. This is the best I can do.”
“Am I your mate! How dare you talk to me that way?” Marcus hits back.
“I’m sorry!” she replied.
He opens the covered food and screamed.
“What is this for crying out loud?” he asked curiously.
“Noodles na” she replied.
“I asked you to prepare normal noodles. This is roasted noodles. How do you
expect me to eat this? The water is even much.”
“it’s roasted noodles pepper soup. Actually, I was on a video call with my ex-
boyfriend; Chinedu. He was pleading to come back and I told him never!” she
said
“What does that have to do with the noodles?” he asked angrily.
“It’s Chinedu that distracted me. I totally forgot I kept noodles on the fire. By
the time I remembered. It was too late” she said unremorseful
“My God! Just take this rubbish and leave my presence” Marcus said
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“Ehnmm... brother, you will add five hundred naira to the money you gave me
earlier,”
“Five hundred naira for what!” he asked.
“I subscribed. I actually used YouTube!” she replied.
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HOLY SCAMTRIMONY
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Linda was about to reply to him but she paused after perceiving the aroma
coming from the kitchen.
“Chai! This one na confirm fried rice… these your neighbors won’t kill
somebody o” she said.
“My friend, keep quiet! I am sure that’s my sweet baby's cooking. “Marcus
said.
“Sweet baby? so you have a side chick?” she queried.
“Why do you speak like one who doesn’t have sense at times… I meant that’s
my wife’s food,” he said.
“Oh! To be honest, I know she is very good at cooking. Don’t worry, she will
be the one to still beg you. We must fight this war till the end” she said
confidently.
“Will you keep quiet! I wish I never listened to you… you know what, I will give
you, my laptop. I need to eat fried rice today. You can watch as many YouTube
89
videos as you want. Just make sure you cook it well.” He said as he hands
over the laptop to her.
*
Tomi walks in a few minutes later with a plate of fried rice and chicken. She
drops it on the bed and leaves the room to get a bottle of wine. Marcus stares
at the food hungrily.
“My God! This food will be so delicious. Holy Spirit please direct me. Should I
beg her?... No! I can’t, I am the head of this house. She should be submissive.
I know what to do.” He said to himself.
Tomi returns with a bottle of wine. She sits on the sofa and begins to consume
the fried rice majestically.
“Marcus” Tomi called out
“Yes, my queen… you called me” he gets up and rushes to meet her.
“Uncle don’t wound yourself o… I just wanted to tell you to remind your cook
to wash the pot she used to prepare the burnt offering you both ate”
“Okay darling… is there anything else you want to tell me?” he asked
curiously.
“No!”
“So, you called me here to say nonsense. For your information, my sister isn’t
my cook. She remains my sister, your in-law! And it was just a little mistake
90
that made the noodles get burnt…she is a good cook. You had better mind
your words” he said angrily.
“Don’t shout at me please! were you not the one that was vibrating now, calling
me sweet names simply because I didn’t offer you food that’s what pained you
and made you start ranting, don’t even try to shout at me. I am ready for you.”
She warned.
“For your information, my sister is preparing ours in the kitchen. So, don’t think
I will beg you.
Marcus walked out of the room angrily. He was shocked to meet Linda in the
sitting room.
“Linda!” he called out shockingly.

“Ha! Brother. Welcome” she replied frightened
“Are you okay? Did I step out of this house? Why are you welcoming me! I
asked you to prepare fried rice and gave you my laptop so you can watch
YouTube videos on how to prepare it but you are busy streaming movies with
my data.”
“It’s not like that brother. Actually, I was trying to check a particular movie.
They prepared fried rice in that movie. So, I wanted to….”
“Keep quiet! Bloody liar. Don’t bother preparing anything again. I will sort
myself out.” He collects the laptop from her, picks his car keys, and leaves the
house.
91
He returned in the evening. Tomi totally ignored him while he did the same
too. At night, while they were sleeping, he suddenly screams from his sleep.
Tomi woke up frightened.
“Marcus what’s the problem?” she asked
“Death! Death!” Marcus replied as he pants heavily.

“You will not die but live in Jesus’ name… we will live to spend many years
together. What happened? Babe talk to me” she pleaded.
“I had a nightmare. I saw different women in black attire. They were forcing
me to eat but I rejected tell them I only want my wife’s food but they insisted I
must. All of a sudden, an angel appeared”
“Oh! Is it angel Gabriel or angel Michael that appeared?” Tomi asked

sarcastically
“How am I supposed to know! I said I was in the midst of witches.” he replied.
“Don’t be annoyed. I just wanted to know so I can thank Him when I’m having
my personal prayers. “
“Let me finish my narration!... All of a sudden, the angel said the reason they
were after me is that I have neglected my wife’s food and the only way to win
this battle is for my wife to prepare a delicious meal for me and serve me
herself” he said.
92
“I see. That’s not a problem. I will make something for you. I don’t mind if it’s
midnight. If I don’t take care of you. Who will?” She replied
“Thank you, my wife. You are the best. I will pray while you prepare the food.”
“No problem dear.” She said as she gets up from the bed and leaves for the
kitchen.
She returns minutes after with a tray in her hands.
“This is your food sir!” she dropped the tray.
“So fast?” Marcus asked as he opened the cooler.
“What is the meaning of this nonsense?” he queried.
“Garri and sugar with chilled sachet water… you think I am a fool. The angel
Kabiru that visited you in your dream didn’t tell you that I am not a fool. Don’t
try to disturb my sleep next time. Good night” she replied to him as she lay on
the bed and sleeps off.
“The plan has backfired. I told Frank my wife is smart. This plan won’t work
for her. God! I am fed up… should I send my sister away to save my home?
Or I should call my wife’s mom?”
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EPISODE ONE: FINAL PART
It was a very long night for Marcus asleep as he was lost in thoughts.
He had an encounter with an elderly man while asleep.
In that revelation, He was walking on a highway and looking for a way to make
sure a moving vehicle ram into him but the elderly man driving the vehicle was
quick to step on the brake pedal.
He got down and pacified Marcus to enter his car. He drove the car to a quiet
and safe place and began to talk with him.
“Young man, why do you want to kill yourself?... Don’t you know suicide
doesn’t end pains; it only leads you to a journey of unbearable pains and
torture.?” The old man said sadly
Marcus bursts out in uncontrollable tears as he narrates all he had been going
through in his marriage.
*
The old man smiled and said;
“What if I tell you the both of you aren’t under any Spiritual attack and you
both love each other.” He assured Marcus.
94
“Why do we keep quarreling now and then?” Marcus asked amidst tears.
“Amos 3:3 says Can two walk together, except they agree?”
“Sir, but we both agreed to marry ourselves. We saw the compatibility and
also God confirmed us as partners. The feelings and love were so mutual. I
just can’t place where it all went wrong?” Marcus replied.
“Have you forgotten the chat you had with your friend during the early period
of your marriage?... You told him how peaceful your home was and how
submissive your woman is. He then advised you to be strict with her and not
be too flexible. He went on to tell you that if you kept going soft on her she will
take you for granted. Unfortunately for you, this friend of yours doesn’t have
a peaceful home. That was the beginning of the downfall of your marriage.
You must watch who you make your mentor!”
“God initiated this union therefore when you have issues, you should go back
to the master planner. He alone knows how to direct. You have failed woefully
in your duty as the head of the home. You have successfully detached your
household from the socket of the almighty God who initiated this union in the
first place and you allowed human beings to set the pattern you are using to
run your home” the old man added.
“My God! Truth be told, Tomi never used to be like this. She was the sweetest
woman in the world. I just realized all of a sudden, she began to misbehave.
That was what made me follow the advice of my friend thinking it will make
her calm” Marcus said tiredly.
95
“Unfortunately for you, you both lost your peace. You don’t teach love with
violence. The moment a man begins to remind his wife of the Bible verse that
speaks about her being submissive... then there is a problem.
The moment you both begin to quarrel about the things that made you love
each other, there is also a problem but how would you even see all these
when your relationship with God is poor and dead. Young Man! Revive your
home. Connect your home back to the socket of God. Be humble and love
your wife the way you should. I can tell you. Things will begin to fall in place.
Goodbye!”
*
Marcus wakes up suddenly with tears in his eyes. He checked the time; it was
already ten o’clock in the morning. he dragged himself out of the bed. On
getting to the living room, he was shocked to see Linda eating fried rice
“Linda! Where did you get that from?” he queried.
“Brother, I no come this life to suffer o. I have joined the winning party. Na
your wife cook am for me o. In fact, the food is so delicious. In just two days I
spent at your party, I already lost 5kg. If I want to slim down, I will buy slimming
tea. But this one na hunger make me slim down” she said as she crushed the
chicken bones.
“But you advised me not to beg her or eat her food “he replied angrily.
“Brother, na me go teach you as you go run your home? see enh, let me be
honest with you. If my husband tries what you did with me, I will poison him.
Why would he insult me and make me feel worthless in front of his family? It’s
very wrong. I know I was at fault but if you had handled it wisely. I’m sure I will
96
be forced to respect her. See, the better food wey you dey chop. No wonder
you dey fresh and fat.” She said with a smirk.
“I am shocked you are saying all this. You almost allowed the devil to use you
to destroy my home.” He shouted
“Brother, you are the one that wants to destroy your home o. The only time I
know the devil used me was when I stole the meat in the pot. I am even sure
the devil enjoyed that meat. Your wife dey cook abeg. The stew entered the
destiny of the meat. Even this chicken bone I’m crushing, you need to see
how tasty the glory is.” She teased.
“That’s enough. You are leaving my house today and where is my wife?”
“She helped me with my luggage. I am sure she is sorting out the uber driver
outside. I am leaving right away. I just wanted to advise you and let you know
that you have a very good woman. Brother, no loose this woman o.” she said.
*
Marcus returns to the room and weeps. Tomi enters carrying a tray. She goes
on her knees.
“My husband, your food is ready”.
Marcus was shocked, he looked up suddenly.
“I am sorry for being a bad wife... I had an encounter with an elderly man in
my sleep. He made me realize I have been a bad wife. He reminded me of
97
the Bible verse that says “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish
pulls it down with her hands.; Proverbs 14:1” I allowed the fear of the unknown
make me jeopardize the peace of my home. I allowed other people’s bad
marital experiences I read on social media to affect my sense of reasoning. I
didn’t know I was destroying my home with my hands… I am so sorry.”
“Tomi, I should be the one apologizing. We shouldn't have been deceived by

what we read on social media. The devil has hijacked it and made it a tool to
attack peaceful homes. That's why it seems like there are no good marriages
out there. Most of what we see on social media are bad marital experiences.
Babe, there are great and amazing marriages out there... they're just not
pronounced, let's also make ours great. I am sorry for running this home like
a dictator. From now henceforth I promise you there will be a change but the
first thing we need to do is to connect back to God. He needs to help us and
teach us once again. We also need to develop a strong understanding and
deep communication. I trust God to help us. I am so sorry and I must say I am
favored to have you. I love you my fire extinguisher - my ego quencher”.
“I love you too Daddy wa.”
They both joked and embraced.
THE END….
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HOLY SCAMTRIMONY

I APPRECIATE MY WONDERFUL PARENTS, PASTOR & MRS AIYELABOLA FOR

I APPRECIATE MY AMAZING SIBLINGS: ADEBOLA TOMIWA & ADEBOLA

I APPRECIATE MY MENTORS, SPIRITUAL MENTORS, AND FRIENDS FOR

I ESPECIALLY WANT TO APPRECIATE MY AMAZING FANS AND READERS.

SPECIAL THANKS TO MISS OLUWAYOMI OLUWASOLA AND BOSEDE LUYOMI

I ALSO CELEBRATE MRS OPEYEMI AKINTUNDE. GOD BLESS YOU MA FOR

I DEDICATE THIS BOOK TO MY CREATOR, WHO INSPIRED ME TO

"Oh! You call that abandon right?

"Well, I call it wisdom!" Marcus yelled.

"You lack manners!"

"Egbami! I am confused...what have I done wrong?" Tomi asked

"I have not landed o.." Marcus hits back

"Marcus! You mean that's why you left me there?"

"Enh! Am I not the finest lady in the church?" Tomi asked

Oh! That lady is divinely sexy!!" Marcus said passionately.

"What else do you want me to say?" Marcus asked anxiously.

"Hmmm... I am sorry my queen, my fire extinguisher, you know I love you,

Marcus takes a sip and spits it out.

Marcus is speechless as he watches her leave the room.

"Hmmmmm... yummy!!! God bless my mother for teaching me how to cook

"Oga Marcus take it easy... My food is super delicious" she teased.

"The food is salty. I just managed it" Marcus said jokingly

Tomi picks her phone from the table.

Marcus opens his mouth in shock for a while before speaking.

"You recorded that again?!" Marcus asked

"Yes, oo my husband. I do activate the voice recorder on my phone when it's

"My love, take it easy. I haven't finished!"

Marcus goes on his knees.

Tomi makes fun of him

"Okay o... Continue!" Marcus said.

Marcus couldn't help but smile.

"I'm all ears Olowo Ori mi"

"Lastly, break-up with Anthony Joshua. He is a threat to me..."

"Twenty thousand naira!!!" Tomi replied.

"Ha! It is finished! " Marcus said loudly.

"It's negotiable!" Tomi said.

"Two thousand naira…" Tomi said

"Tomi!!!! Fear God o!" Marcus expresses his shock.

"It's negotiable" Tomi replied as Marcus begins to grumble.

"Dear, please lead us in prayer. I'm feeling sleepy" Marcus said

"Is that all?" Marcus asked amusingly

"Yes, dear! Good night love" Tomi replied.

"What kind of prayer is that? Less than a minute!" Marcus queried.

Marcus looks speechless. He joins her in bed.

"My king... Sweetheart wakeup for devotion"

"Wake up jooor!!!!" Tomi shakes him rigorously.

"Blood of Jesus!! Do you want to break my neck?" Marcus queried as he sits

"What for?" Marcus looks confused.

Tomi picks up her phone and plays a video for him...

"You are cunning!" He replied.

Marcus reluctantly gives her the money. Tomi counts it to be sure...

"Wait!! Take it back pls" Tomi said excitedly

"Yeah...he is" Marcus replied

He stretches his hand...

"Oya, aunty... please return my five thousand naira"

Tomi hands over the money to him reluctantly.

Tomi didn't reply as she gets up.

"In a nutshell...I lack wisdom, right?" Marcus asked.

"You are mannerless!" Marcus thundered!"

"I'm sorry, I mean it that way, my husband." Tomi apologized.

"It's fine… I want to go cook my food. kindly excuse me!"

Tomi is about taking leaving; Marcus pulls her back.

"Spice the stew with fish" Tomi mimics him.