The Musical Body Paper Yang Yang Cai

Introduction
As a young, female and professional musician wanting to thrive in a highly competitive field, I
struggle to find a balance between work and studies. I have had the privilege to be
performing since the age of 9. My parents certainly played a big role in my development as a
performing artist. When I was five my father played in the restaurant where I grew up and
thought to myself, this is a rather beautiful instrument and I would like to learn it. I was then
encouraged to take piano lessons, three times a week. My mom or dad would bring me to
Brummen to follow a 30-minute piano lesson during recess. Lunch break started at 12, so
we would drive 15 minutes, I would eat my lunch in the car, have the lesson and then we
would drive back to school, just in time for the afternoon classes. Looking back I realize what
kind of impact this made on me, not to mention the efforts my parents have made, what they
must have given up in order for me to thrive and excel. I grew up in a completely Western
culture but I was raised by Chinese parents and I still struggle daily with the cultural
differences. Whereas in my culture good grades equal love and affection, my classmates
could be whoever they wanted and express their individuality.
At the age of 9 I won my first piano competition, it was the National Steinway Piano
Competition in Alkmaar. As part of the prize I was allowed to represent the Netherlands at
the International Steinway Piano Festival in Hamburg. I remember vividly that I was running
around on the different floors of the Laeiszhalle. There were representatives from different
countries and I made a lot of friends. We visited the Steinway factory and we all played in
the beautiful Laeiszhalle. I believe this is one of the significant concerts that made me feel I
wanted to do this in life. I wanted to become a concert pianist. It was also a moment that my
teacher, my parents realized I had a certain talent. That their investment in time and effort
was worthwhile.

I have an anxiety disorder and experience regular panic attacks. Even so, now I experience
nocturnal panic attacks. Research has shown that especially when you’re resting at night,
negative thoughts are prone to rise to the surface. I find that mental health is an
underexposed subject and I wish I could raise more attention for it. I have been performing
since the age of nine on a professional level. During the Covid-19 pandemic I was lucky
enough to have many offline concerts and whereas for many people it was a time where
they had little or no work, my work was overflowing. Now the engagement has almost
doubled up since, most concerts and projects that were postponed, are happening now. I
have always been fascinated by the world of professional sport athletes, because I believe
there are similarities in the sense that we both try to achieve something extraordinary, try to
put all our efforts into doing something incredible, whether that be playing the third
Rachmaninov piano concerto or racing for the gold medal at the Olympic Games. Even in
music, we say, competitions are for horses, but still, we compete. It’s about the excitement,
the race, the prize, improving yourself by putting yourself out there and programmers need
to hear you in order for them to invite you for their concert series. At least that’s how I think
this works. I was a part of Sporttop where I learned from sport athletes and I found it
inspiring and helpful how food, training and rest play a crucial part of their journey to the top
and to success. I myself, won my first piano competition at the age of nine. It was the
National Steinway Piano Competition and four years later I won the same competition again
only in a higher category. One year later I won the first prize at the Young Pianist Foundation
Competition Junior Finale. One of my biggest successes was in 2019, when I won the ‘big’
Young Pianist Foundation Competition at age 20. My win allowed me to play concerts and it
was everything I wanted and thought it would make me happy. I wanted to make my parents
proud. They gave up their careers in order for me to thrive. In the years following my
success I also began experiencing anxiety. Maybe it is the way I was raised, how my
thoughts form sometimes a dark cloud in my mind, maybe it is the way I was pushed into
being that prodigy, I was in their eyes the prize and their pawn.
During the past couple of years I have undergone cognitive behavioral therapy,
hypnotherapy, haptonomy, followed a yoga teacher training for one year. I started doing 10-
minute meditations every day, either at night before bed or when I wake up. When I have the
time, I also listen to self-affirmations.

I find that social media is harmful for my mental health. Not only do I compare myself to
other people’s seemingly perfect lives and blame myself for not living like them and wishing
to be like them, I also contribute to this harmful illusion myself. Multiple studies have shown
that heavy social media usage may promote negative emotions such as inadequacy about
your life or body image, fear of missing out a.k.a. FOMO, isolation, depression and anxiety,
cyber bullying and self-absorption.1 Social media usage can lead to low quality sleep and
harm mental health. It has associations with depression, anxiety and low self-esteem. Social
media is also a powerful tool to communicate and interact with other people. It can be used
to share ideas, information, and inspiration. Researchers have concluded from a Canadian
study in 2017 that students who use social media for more than two hours a day are
considerably more likely to rate their mental health as fair or poor than occasional users. 2 A
study in 2019 says that social media contributes to sleeping problems, depression and
memory loss. In a 2020 survey, of more than 6.000 individuals aged 10-18 years,
researchers found that about half of them had experienced cyber bullying.3 Another study
from 2018 found that social media increases feelings of loneliness rather than decreasing
them. The research also states that reduced social media use helps people feel less lonely
and isolated and improves their well-being.

Methods
I think a phone addiction is as bad as any other addiction. The hyper connectivity and
access to information all the time, can cause concentration and focus problems as well as
keeping you from quality sleeping. Like any other addiction it makes you a slave. During two
weeks I will limit my social media usage to 30 minutes a day. To check this, I will install a
screen time limit app called onesec. By being more mindful about my phone usage, I hope to
improve my sleep, improve my general mood, focus and overall mental health. Because I am
in a highly competitive field, I need to play certain concerts so I get more opportunities to
play, but on the other hand, I also need to learn to say no. I find that especially after stressful
periods with many concerts, deadlines or other commitments, I feel the ‘aftermath’ of that
period in the form of anxiety and tension. To reduce stress, I need to move my body more,
eat healthy and meditate regularly. I hope in this way, I will have less panic attacks.

Results
I have done the experiment for two weeks and concluded that I have more time on my hands
if I don’t spend that time on my phone. I am more aware of what is actually happening in my
life instead of mindlessly scrolling on Instagram. I found it was extremely hard to limit the
time to 30 minutes, because I see social media as a way to communicate with friends and
share nice moments of inspiration or memories. It’s a nice experiment, but I would not do it
again. Did my well-being and mental health improve? I would say so, but it was not only by
limiting social media use, but also things like going outside for a walk, spending active time
with friends that contributed to my well-being.

Sources:
1. https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/social-media-and-mental-
health.htm#:~:text=However%2C%20multiple%20studies%20have%20found,about
%20your%20life%20or%20appearance.
2. https://www.camh.ca/-/media/files/pdfs---ebulletin/ebulletin-19-n2-socialmedia-
mentalhealth-2017osduhs-pdf.pdf?
la=en&hash=FB9E22671ADBD4D4C1B42E2B7D17DBC7835C2896
3. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/social-media-and-mental-health#the-link