Seven

March 27
2024

ANONYMOUS
THe Pyramid Issue
"The principle of one addict helping
another pyramids and the solution
to our dilemma has begun."

WHO IS AN ADDICT?

BLAZE
Welcome to Issue 7 of Anonymous - the
Pyramid Issue. Why? Because the
therapeutic value of one addict helping
another “pyramids” to the point of
Freedom, just like Our Symbol.
How is the achieved in written form? As
well as the power we get from the crop of
incredible new stories from NA members,
we are learning more about the spiritual
principles of our Programme from
members, current and some now passed.
From a different realm, they drop
breadcrumbs which lead us closer to the
truth. In this issue that comes sharply into
focus with posthumous contributions
from Mac Mc and Greg P. As ever, we owe
a huge debt of gratitude to Pete B and
Christopher K who write, signpost us to
our great history and give freely access to
their archives.

We also look at the notion of SEEKING being a spiritual

principle. Seeking what? Knowledge of God’s will for us
and the power to carry that out. Our Eleventh Step
being a petition for guidance and spiritual direction.
We activate Step 11 when we apply this principle. We
hope you enjoy this latest edition of Anonymous.
The group has fulfilled

its debt of gratitude to

the new member by

presenting a safe place

where recovery is most

available. The best

meeting and finest

Fellowship on earth are

theirs for the taking.

Mac Mc
A LOST KID

LOOKING

FOR LOVE

INT HE

DARKEST

PLACES
By Anonymous
I was a lost kid looking for love.
Usually in the darkest of places. By
the age of ten I was in a lot of trouble
and I got put in children’s homes,
taken away from my family and
placed in the care of the local
authority. I learned not to trust
people and I found safety in numbers.
We formed little gangs in the homes. I
would be running away, stealing cars,
burgling houses. I grew up with a
victim mentality. I wanted things
other people had and I would just
take it. It was chaos.
 It was all about building a reputation on the streets. Deep down I felt like a nobody. I had no
sense of worth. I was full of fear and anxiety. My mind was always racing. I never felt enough
or always felt better than everyone. But the streets gave me an identity and at the age of 12 I
found heroin. And when I took it, it took away all those feelings and made everything quiet and
comfortable in the numbness of it all. But after that it was one institution after another. I
always put a stone cold face on, never telling anyone how I felt, never getting vulnerable.

A staff member in one of the homes tried to sexually
abuse me and I ended up stabbing him. Me and a friend
ran away from the children’s home, we stole a car and it
crashed, and he died. I got out of the sun roof of the
car. The chasis went right through his chest and it
killed him. I got caught by the police and they took me
back to the children’s home and I told the police why
we were running away, what was happening. Some of
what I witnessed from the age of ten was horrific. I
stayed in children’s home for five years and during that
time I was dehumanised, brutalised and violated in
every way you can think of. Taking drugs and shutting
down was just normal. Death is a big part of my life, a
lot of chaos and a lot of destruction. I just went back to
the streets and that went on and on and on. The drugs
were killing me but my lifestyle was just as destructive
because of my need for approval and validation from my
peers on the streets was huge. At 19 I found myself in a
lot of trouble and found myself with a 19 year prison
sentence. It was something I learned to shut away. In
some ways the drugs kept me alive in prison. I went to
prison in 1987 and got released in 2000. Before I got
released in 2000, my brother went to one NA meeting.
And that saved my life. On the 5th of September 1997
my younger brother who was totally different to me - I
was a street addict and my brother was a young gay
man who I couldn’t accept. I had a lot of shame around
him. But my brother was everything I couldn’t be.
He was himself, he became an actor and very
successful in life. He was very sensitive, and I
was hard and arrogant, full of masks and street,
and shame, and there was no sense of self for me
to acknowledge. And I rejected him. I was
homophobic because of the sexual abuse that
was attempted on me. When he went to that
meeting in 1997 and he was trying to help my ex
partner detox off drugs so she could be a mother
to my daughter. But she couldn’t get clean and
they went to a party together where they were
taking socially acceptable drugs … they were
dinking, taking coke, taking tablets… and some
people were using heroin and he was drunk and
he asked them… he took it and he started to
choke on his own vomit while someone else was
overdosing, so everyone in the room was seeing
to him and my brother was left. And two of the
addicts in that room took all his jewellery and
robbed him while was dying and then they put
himself outside the house and left him to die. He
was 25. He went into a coma. I was taken from
prison to see him and all the feelings of love that
I had for him, and all the regret, came up.
But it was too late to say sorry. I
didn’t know he had been to an NA
meeting that night. He passed away
and I got taken back to prison. And
for the next three years I just did what
I had always done. Lived to use and
used to live. I got released and the girl
who had brought my brother to a
meeting, she took me to a meeting. I
went to the meeting and bought a
Basic Text and read Who Is An
Addict? I discovered I wasn’t alone.
That there were people like me, who
had suffered like me, and most
importantly, had found a way out.
And I used to read our literature -
written by addicts, for addicts - and
the words just soothed my soul. They
lit something up inside me. It was
hope that I was feeling. I kept using
until 2003 until I got an opportunity
to go to treatment where I got clean
and came back to NA. My passion has
just turned around from being a drug
addict to being a recovering addict.
I left that place and went to
supported housing, I went to college
and got some education, and found
a career helping people who lost
their way in society, children who
have been damaged like me. I was
willing to go to any lengths to stay
clean. My pain and my suffering
became a real, powerful driving
force, especially when I took a Third
Step. It inspired me. I’ve gotten
through some really tough times in
recovery and never used. But my
family witnessed my biggest
achievement in life, which is to not
use, just for today. To be able to do
my best and have integrity. The man
I have become is not the man I used
to be. My life is beautiful and
transformed beyond anything I
thought possible. Even in my
darkest times I have been able to
stay clean and honour my family,
honour my brother’s spirit and stay
clean.
 Greg P.

THE ANTI-

INTELLECTUAL

THINKER
Greg P.
“”There has been a lot of discussion
about the Step writing guides,
sponsor/sponsee worksheets,
whether we should work on this or
work on that. There is no secret
formula for recovery.
“”THERE IS NO SUBSTITUTE FOR
SURRENDER.
“”There is nothing that you can do,
no guide you can write, no therapist
you can see, no special retreat you
can go to, no relationship you can
get into, no sponsorship family you
can join, which will eliminate your
need to turn you will and your life
over to the care of God.”
 Picture: George R,

ALL THE

YOUNG

DUDES...
 The literature says that by

shaping our thoughts with

spiritual ideas, we become free

to be who we want to be.Tell on

the disease of addiction. You

don’t have to dance with

everyone, but you are going to

have to dance with someone.

Total honesty and faith is what

helps us overcome the despair

of living in the disease.

WILLIAM R.
“I don’t control the world. I am not
even 100 per cent in charge of my
own life. All the goodness that has
come to me has come through the 12
Steps of Narcotics Anonymous.
I am thankful to my Higher Power.
Take all your worries and give
them to God. Ask him for a clean
day and miracles will happen.”

anonymous
 Life is sweet without drugs. If only I would grow up. I
had been an irresponsible man. I put my drugs before
my daughter, my wife, my mother, my father. My
daughter was ten-years-old before I came into recovery.
I could never go to anything with her, like a school
play… unless I had my drugs. If I was going to see
anybody or do anything, I had to have what I thought I
needed to make me whole. But I was not whole.

This Programme starts with one

I pray for knowledge of God’s will
Step. But there is also Step Zero. It
for me and the power to carry
is called abstinence. If you have a
that out. If you are worried about
desire, that’s all we ask of you.
the word God, Grow Or Die, Good
Come to a meeting whether you
Orderly Direction… it is not about
are using, whether you are not
knowing what God is, it is about
using. And then we stop taking the
believing that something is more
drugs because we can’t start
powerful that me… and that can
working the Steps with them still
even be another addict and me
inside of us. If you met me 20
together. I don’t control the
years ago, I wouldn’t even look at
world. I am not even 100 per cent
you in the face. I would be looking
in charge of my own life. All the
on the ground. Looking for
goodness that has come to me
something on the ground,
has come through the 12 Steps of
cigarette butts to pick up or
Narcotics Anonymous.
money. But money was not money
I am thankful to my Higher Power.
for me. Whether I had £10, 10 rand,
Take all your worries and give
10,000 rand, £100,000… it was all
them to God. Ask him for a clean
for drugs. I wouldn’t even buy
day and miracles will happen.
food. But look at me today, by the
power of this Programme, I am
able to carry a message, in fact I
am honoured to carry a message.
 MAC MCFADDEN

WORDS AND PICTURE BY CHRISTOPHER K.

MAC DIED SUDDENLY AND ANONYMOUSLY FROM
BRAIN CANCER IN THE EARLY 90S. MAC WROTE IN MY
JOURNAL... “PRAY FOR LOVE, HAVE FAITH, THEY WILL
BECOME ONE, THEY WILL BECOME YOU... MACMC”.
 Letter by Mac Mc to Ohio newsletter
When one person is injecting their own
preference into the group, their desire for
individual preference becomes the goal and the
group is secondary to them. The group interest is
weakest at that particular point. Personality has
triumphed over program, and that, however
isolated, exists in the group.

A very basic utility of the Traditions (especially two,

six and ten) is to eliminate or make individual desire
secondary to the group principle, and to bring the
group into spiritual harmony when it is revealed that
the overall good of the group or program is more
rewarding than individual desire. Our spiritual
desires become one with each other rather than
fragmented and divided. The meeting place is in
spiritual harmony and the spiritual program of
recovery is at our fingertips.

The group has fulfilled its debt of gratitude to the

new member by presenting a safe place where recovery
is most available. The best meeting and finest
Fellowship on earth are theirs for the taking.
Mac got involved in NA service immediately. He started

the Cleveland Bridge group, on a Tuesday night. It was

in a neighborhood that used to be ‘the spot’, Puerto

Rican dealers worked the street, selling heroin. I

remember going up there, when things were ‘dry’, in

Akron. Meetings, back then, seemed to rise up, where the

addicts were.

By Marc B.
Mac had a way of cutting through nonsense,

and getting the ‘meat of the matter’, in proper

perspective. He was fierce about his involvement

with the newcomer, and carrying our message.

He was on a spiritual path, and he was not one to

demand that anyone follow him, specifically. A

lot of us, who had come out of our involvement

with Alcoholics Anonymous, had a dim view of

any sort of proselytising, particularly in any sort

of ‘specific religious direction’ manner. Mac

encouraged folks to find their own god, and

develop that path, for themselves.

 There will come a time
when the only thing
that stands between
you and complete
disaster is your
relationship with your
Higher Power.

By Pete B.
When we got to the 11th Step, my sponsor showed me exactly how he did his. He went
through the whole routine, each aspect of his practice, then said, “This was just to
show you how I do it. This is not necessarily how you should do yours. Try different
things until you find a practice that works for you. Talk to other members of the home
group who have gone through the steps, let them show you how they do theirs. Then, do
it, every day. This is how we maintain our spiritual condition. It’s very important to
practice, practice, practice, every day. The thing is, there will come a time when the
only thing that stands between you and complete disaster, is your relationship with
your Higher Power. This is how we maintain that relationship. It’s important.”

As it turned out, the way he did his worked
well for me, for a number of years. Since
most of what he told me, as my sponsor,
turned out to be true, I took him at his word
and kept up the practice, never skipping a
day. And he was right – a number of times,
different crises arose in my life, and my
relationship with my Higher Power was
what helped me, more than anything else,
through these crises.
I look forward to my time alone with my
Higher Power each day. I consider this
time sacred. Just like I need to breathe to
be alive, I need my 11th step time to be
spiritually alive, to keep my connection to
spirit vital and in the moment. I can’t live
on yesterday’s demonstration. I want to be
awake for everything unfolding in today’s
adventure – I don’t want to become a
mindless robot, just going through the
motions, “faking it until I make it.”
I got tired of faking it. I did a lot of that in
my active addiction. In recovery, I don’t
want to fake it – I just want to make it.
Daily practice of the 11th step makes it, for
me. It brings me into the moment, reminds
me that I am connected to the universe,
that we all are, and that there’s nothing
that I really have to do – I simply have to
be. Be here, in this moment, and be fully
alive in it.
It's that simple, for me. I find that the
simpler I keep it, the better. If I am
practicing this step each day, I don’t have
to get caught up in the “spiritual
guesswork” game – “is it my will, is it
God’s will, etc.” If I’m tuning into my
spirit on a regular basis, it doesn’t matter.
I don’t need to play that game. I am free to
simply live my life. I can enjoy the
adventure that each day is. The 11th Step
rocks!
“Self will is like
swimming up
stream, God’s
will is like
swimming
down stream.”
The principle of Practical Spirituality
is at the heart of our service.

Spirituality is not theoretical: spiritual

principles only work for us when we accept
them and apply them. Our Eleventh Step
teaches us to seek knowledge of God's will for
us and the power to carry that out. We
discriminate between "self-will" and "God's
will" by applying this principle. We believe that
if it is not practical then it is not spiritual; "self-
will" is like swimming upstream and "God's
will" is like swimming downstream.
When our service efforts encounter significant
problems or resistance, they are usually based
on "self-will"; when they proceed smoothly and
naturally, they are usually "God's will". A
loving God is at the center of our service and
this God
has the power to make all things possible and
practical. PATHS OF RECOVERY
 OUR
GREATEST
NEED
Step 11 says that eventually we see our GREATEST NEED
is knowledge of God’s will. It doesn’t say knowledge of
the speaker’s will, or the sponsor’s will, or the person
with the most clean time. It doesn’t mention anything
about personality. I have never met an addict who knows
so much that they don’t have to surrender to God’s will.
In fact, the only hierarchy I can see in this Programme is
when it says ‘there is but one ultimate authority’. If I start
to impose my will on people, I am the one violating Steps
and Traditions. My strength and guidance comes from a
Programme - which was prayed over - while working it
with other addicts, especially newcomers because they are
the most important person at any meeting. The most
important people in other places is the person who
knows the most, earns the most, or is most liked. And
they get special recognition… people think ‘they must be
special’ and they can tell me what I have to do. But when
you put it back on Self and the Programme it says we
share our experience without preaching and judging.
That’s tough for an addict who just wants to live in
fantasy and in the inventory of others all day. In ongoing
recovery I have to continually surrender and remember
that I am equal. This is an anonymity statement. This is
how I connect to the ‘Ultimate Reality’.

One addict’s experience

 “EVERY ASPECT OF OUR LIVES

IS A STATEMENT ABOUT

RECOVERY. WE ARE THE

MESSAGE OF RECOVERY FROM

THE DISEASE OF ADDICTION.”

Greg P.
Paths of
Recovery

Photograph by Christopher K.