What have I learned from my Father

1. Always be laughing
When I think about Dad, the number one thing that pops up in my mind is his smile. My own name
means ‘laughter’ and I think God knew exactly what He was doing by bringing Paul Wheeler into my
life. My Dad always knew how to laugh and especially when he was younger, my fondest memories
of him were of his joy. In fact, his entire family were like this, always laughing, playing board games
and cards. They just knew how to enjoy each one another! To this day, Dad can so easily strike up a
conversation with any stranger and holds a warmth that is so visceral that people instantly open up
to him. I have seen others in my life with this kind of gifting; whether it was Earnest from my working
days at the British Museum or Pip Earl as a church leader.

All of them are characterized by a pure joy, that helps them be both down to earth, bright, clever but
also really fun to be around. I still feel my absolute safest when I am around Dad and these kind of
people and I want to foster that in my own role as a father too.

2. Always be learning
Another aspect of Dad’s impact on my life is that he was always so knowledgeable. As a child growing
up, it was like a superpower of his that I grew to be fascinated and in awe by. Despite Mum and Dad’s
dysfunctions, she could never fault him for his intelligence. He will always have an incredible piece of
knowledge or curious fact about situations that others haven’t thought of. He has a very clear and
level headed way of articulating and communicating but beyond that there is a thirst for culture and
knowledge that fascinated me as a child growing up. Especially as a young boy who didn’t know their
biological father, learning from my new Dad was like discovering a whole new world.

It was always so much fun when Dad would come to show me a new movie or introduce me to other
worlds of fun and joy. I still remember how he would perform stories to me, encourage me to pursue
my emerging interests or excitedly show me something he knew I would like.

3. Always be loving
When I think about what’s impacted me from Dad the most, it’s more about what he’s been to me,
not just what he’s said or done. This goes right back to adopting me as a child and I can still
remember the time when I accepted his name as my own at 5 years old. However, what Dad was to
me made me feel so emotionally safe because I knew that he loved me without him ever actually
saying it explicitly. It’s odd how I can count on my hand how many times he’s said it yet I have no
doubt at all. He modelled to me that love is about presence more than it is about simply words or
even intention. My real dad was and still never has been there, yet here my Dad is. I want to be a
father who takes this further and is actually proactively leading our family and is intentionally
involved in my children’s life in ways that my Dad struggled with.

But my Dad certainly laid the foundation for me by showing me that love is about caring. His family
are so oriented towards community and loving one another genuinely and freely that it convicts my
wife, even though she comes from a culture that has high values of honoring family. My Dad is proof
that love is color-blind, transcending culture and is actually far more powerful because of this.