CHAPTER ONE

INTRODUCTION

1.1 BACKGROUND OF THE STUDY

Millions of shattered families begin with the wrong dating habits. To have a good and happy

marriage, you need a proper dating and courtship, not like the youths today who just saw a lady

walking on the road or street and fall in love with her, and within the shortest period of time,

they are married couples, after which they later realize each other's secret history is being

revealed after wedding, and tomorrow they will be crying. So we should put things straight for

the Christian youths concerning dating and courtship. Many do not understand the real purpose

of dating or courtship. The next step which is achieving a happy marriage then becomes

impossible. It is time to unlearn the wrong principles acquired from society and to learn and

apply God's true principles, leading to happy marriages and families that present God's

perspective. Although the Bible does not lay out specifics regarding courtship, since some of the

Biblical marriages were arranged by families (for example, the Old Testament patriarch Isaac

and his wife Rebecca were brought together supernaturally by God with the order of Abraham),

when we piece together all the principles of scripture, we have a good plan for courtship.

Courtship based on the Biblical model of love, romance, sacrifice, dignity, and covenant implies

the process about how two people could begin a process that may eventually lead to marriage:

1.2 STATEMENT OF THE PROBLEM

Courtship and dating are some of the least discussed topics in churches. Yet dating has caused

the most havoc, destroyed countless lives, resulted in unwanted pregnancies and abortions, and

even split churches apart. Since most of the churches do not teach on this subject, a vacuum

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exists, resulting in our teenagers adopting the world view of popular culture. This has led many

church youth groups to become haves for dating and premarital sex. For this reason, the

researcher sees this as a problem that needs to be resolved.

1.3 PURPOSE OF THE STUDY

This research work aimed at achieving the following objectives:

- To provide how to apply the biblical concept to our contemporary dating and courtship.

- To identify the factors leading to the wrong motive in dating and courtship.

- To provide relevant Biblical principles of dating and courtship

1.4 SIGNIFICANCE OF THE STUDY

The research study is significant in the following ways:

- The outcome of this study will be an educational resource for youth and the general

public on the Biblical concept of dating and courtship in the contemporary church.

- The study will also serve as source material for seminarians and future researchers in the

area related to the subject matter.

1.5 SCOPE AND LIMITATION OF THE STUDY

The research is not a complete and final work on this topic. Since the topic of dating and

courtship is too wide, the researcher will narrow his research to the biblical concept of dating and

courtship in contemporary church lessons for youth. The scope of this study shall be confined to

Christian-reformed churches in Nigeria (C.R.C.-N).

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1.6 RESEARCH METHODOLOGY

This is biblical research; therefore, it is a library-based research.

The Veenstra Theological Seminary in Donga serves as the research base. The researcher

conducted a literature review on material from relevant authors and authorities on this subject

matter, especially those of Christian literature, magazines and lecture material, textbooks,

commentaries, concordance, and Bible dictionary.

1.7. DEFINITION OF TERMS

1.7.1 BIBLICAL: Michael D. Oxford Annotated Bible (2018) defines "biblical" as "pertaining to

or contained in the Bible."

In this research work, the term "biblical" emphasizes the focus on principles, teachings, and

values derived from the Bible when discussing the concept of dating and courtship.

1.7.2 CONCEPT: According to the Donald K. Westminster Dictionary (1996), concept is an

abstract idea or general notion derived from human perception, thought, or imagination".

In this research work, concept refers to the abstract ideas and notions related to dating and

courtship based on human understanding and perception within a theological framework.

1.7.3 DATING: Debruyne (2000). Dating is a stage of romantic relationships in which two

individuals engage in an activity together, most often with the intention of evaluating each

other's suitability as a partner in a future intimate relationship. It falls into the category of

courtship, consisting of social events carried out by the couple either alone or with others.

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Dating" refers to the contemporary social practice of individuals, particularly young people,

engaging in activities to get to know one another with the intention of finding a potential life

partner. While there may not be a specific biblical definition available, it is essential to consider

the biblical principles and values that can guide individuals in their dating relationships.

1.7.4 COURTSHIP: According to Allen C. Eerdmans Dictionary (2000), courtship is a "period in

a relationship when two individuals seek to determine their compatibility for marriage."

In this research, the term "courtship" refers to the intentional period during which individuals

evaluate their compatibility for a potential marriage within a biblical and theological framework.

Courtship is the period wherein some couples get to know each other prior to a possible marriage

or committed romantic, de facto relationship. Courtship traditionally begins after a betrothal and

may conclude with the celebration of marriage. A courtship may be an informal and private

matter between two people, a public affair, or a formal arrangement with family approval.

Traditionally, in the case of a formal engagement, it is the role of a male to actively "court" or

"woo" a female, thus encouraging her to understand him and her receptiveness to a marriage

proposal. (Weller. 1948)

1.7.5 CONTEMPORARY: Contemporary is "belonging to the present time, modern, and up-to-

date."

In this research work, Contemporary" emphasizes the relevance and applicability of the biblical

concept of dating and courtship within the present time, particularly within the context of the

church and its youth. Walter. A ( 2001)

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1.7.6 CHURCH: Allen C. Eerdmans Dictionary of the Bible (2000) defines church as "the

community of believers in Christ, both local and universal."

In this research work, the church is the community of believers in Christ, including its youth,

who are actively involved in practicing their faith and seeking guidance in matters of dating and

courtship.

1.7.7 LESSON: "A lesson is a teaching or instruction, often derived from Scripture."

In this research work, the lesson is the teachings, principles, and insights derived from the

biblical concept of dating and courtship within the contemporary church context. It emphasizes

the educational aspect, where young people can learn valuable lessons from Scripture and

theological perspectives to navigate their own relationships. (Donald, 1996).

1.7.8 YOUTH: Vappu (2005). Youth is the time of life when one is young. The word youth, can

also mean the time between childhood and adulthood (maturity), but it can also refer to one's

peak in terms of health or the period of life known as being a young adult.

Youth are the younger members of the church community, typically adolescents and young

adults, who are navigating the challenges and decisions related to dating and courtship. It is

important to consider the biblical teachings and theological perspectives that can guide and shape

the behavior and choices of the youth in this context.

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 CHAPTER TWO

LITERARY REVIEW

INTRODUCTION:

This chapter contains a review of related literature and the writings of other authors about the

research work.

In "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," Joshua Harris challenges traditional dating practices by

advocating for a more intentional and purposeful approach to relationships. He argues that dating

can often lead to emotional and physical pitfalls, and he emphasizes the importance of purity and

commitment. (Harris, 1997).

"Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship" expands on the principles introduced in Harris's

previous book. Harris emphasizes the significance of parental involvement, accountability, and

seeking God's guidance in relationships. (Harris, 2000).

Gary Thomas's "The Sacred Search" challenges the traditional approach to finding a life partner

by focusing on the importance of character, compatibility, and spiritual connection. He

encourages individuals to seek God's purpose and calling in their lives and to find a partner who

aligns with that purpose. (Thomas, 2013).

"The Five Love Languages: Singles Edition" by Gary Chapman explores the concept of love

languages and how they apply to relationships. Chapman argues that understanding and

expressing love in a way that resonates with one's partner is crucial, even in the early stages of

dating. (Chapman, 2004).

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In "The Mingling of Souls," Matt Chandler explores the biblical foundations of love, marriage,

and sexuality. He emphasizes the importance of pursuing relationships rooted in God's design

and highlights the redemptive power of Christ within the context of dating and courtship.

(Chandler, 2015).

"Loveology" by John Mark Comer provides a comprehensive examination of love, marriage, and

sexuality from a biblical perspective. Comer delves into the intricate dynamics of relationships,

addressing topics such as attraction, intimacy, and the challenges faced by individuals in

contemporary culture. (Comer, 2014).

"The Meaning of Marriage" by Timothy Keller offers a profound exploration of the purpose and

significance of marriage. Keller addresses the complexities of marital commitment and

emphasizes the importance of selflessness, forgiveness, and companionship. (Keller, 2011).

"Real Relationships" by Les and Leslie Parrott provides practical insights and guidance for

building healthy relationships. While not solely focused on dating or courtship, the book offers

valuable advice on communication, conflict resolution, and fostering strong connections. (Parrott

& Parrott, 2004).

"The New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating" by Andy Stanley challenges cultural norms and

provides a biblical perspective on relationships. Stanley addresses the complexities of modern

dating and emphasizes the importance of character, integrity, and emotional health. (Stanley,

2013).

In "Boundaries in Dating," Henry Cloud and John Townsend explore the importance of

establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries in relationships. They argue that setting clear

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boundaries is crucial for fostering growth, respect, and emotional well-being. (Cloud &

Townsend, 2000).

Hiestand and Thomas "Sex, Dating, and Relationships: A Fresh Approach" provide a fresh

perspective on the biblical foundations of dating and relationships in "Sex, Dating, and

Relationships." They emphasize the importance of understanding God's intended purposes for

human sexuality and how it relates to dating. By grounding their approach in biblical principles,

the authors challenge conventional dating ideas and encourage readers to pursue relationships

that honor God and prioritize spiritual compatibility (Hiestand & Thomas, 2012).

This offers a comprehensive framework for understanding the role of sexuality in relationships

and encourages young people in the church to approach dating with intentionality and

commitment to biblical values. Hiestand and Thomas provide practical guidance on building

healthy relationships that reflect God's design, making their book valuable for youth seeking

guidance in navigating the complexities of dating within the context of the contemporary church.

In "Beyond the Swipe: Honoring God, Respecting Yourself, and Finding the Right Match,"

Kristin Fry addresses the challenges of modern dating culture in "Beyond the Swipe." With a

focus on honoring God and oneself, Fry provides practical guidance on navigating the

complexities of dating while upholding biblical principles (Fry, 2018).

Fry's emphasis on self-worth, setting healthy boundaries, and using technology responsibly

resonates with readers seeking to pursue relationships that align with their faith. "Beyond the

Swipe" equips youth in the church with the necessary tools to navigate the dating world while

remaining rooted in biblical values.

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 CHAPTER THREE

3.1 OVERVIEW OF DATING AND COURTSHIP

Dating can be a confusing topic. Even though courting is an older term. Many people today still

use the two words interchangeably. While both mean similar things, there is a slight difference

that may make you choose one over the other to describe your relationship.

Courting is a traditional arrangement that’s typically between a man and a woman. During a

courtship, the two people will focus on getting to know one another, going out on dates, and

going on romantic adventures. At the end of a courtship, the goal is usually to get engaged and

then get married, as long as everything goes well. (Regain Us, 2012) Courtships often have a

religious aspect to them as well. Many religious people prefer courting to dating, since courting

almost always ends in marriage.

In today’s world, the word “dating” can mean many things. You might be “dating” someone

you’ve been on two dates with, “dating” someone you’ve been seeing for months, or “dating”

your serious partner of three years. Dating is less strict and not as traditional as a courtship, and

there are fewer rules within it. (Love is respect, 2020) Dating can end in an engagement or

marriage, but it doesn't necessarily have to.

3.2 THE CHRISTIAN DATING AND COURTSHIP

Dating and courtship are two methods of beginning relationships with the opposite sex. While

there are non-Christians who date with the intention of having a series of intimate physical

relationships, for Christians, this is not acceptable and should never be the reason for dating.

Many Christians see dating as little more than friendship and maintain the friendship aspect of

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their dating until both people are ready to commit to each other as potential marriage partners.

First and foremost, dating is a time when a Christian finds out if his or her potential marriage

partner is also a believer in Christ. The Bible warns that believers and unbelievers should not

marry each other, because those living in the light (of Christ) and those living in the darkness

cannot live in harmony (2 Corinthians 6:14–15). Christians who date should limit their physical

contact with each other to avoid temptation (1 Corinthians 6:18–20).

Christian courtship is the traditional Christian practice of individuals approaching "the prospect

of marriage." (Maxson, J. R. 2012). Preceded by a proposal, courtship traditionally begins after a

betrothal and concludes with the celebration of marriage (though in the present day, courtship

may precede the betrothal, which is then followed by the wedding). (Pilip T. W., 1948). In

traditional forms of Christianity, courtship follows a betrothal and concludes with the celebration

of marriage. Christian art depicts the betrothal of Joseph the Carpenter and the Virgin Mary. A

courtship is a relationship in which both the guy and the girl have the same long-term purpose in

mind. The purpose of a courting relationship is to consider marriage as one of God’s choices.

The requirement for courtship involves a commitment on the part of both guys and girls to

certain guidelines.

Courtship ordinarily begins when a single man approaches a single woman by going through the

woman's father and then conducts his relationship with the woman under the authority of her

father, family, or church, whichever is most appropriate. Courtship always has marriage as its

direct goal. Dating, a more modern approach, begins when either the man or the woman initiates

a more-than-friend relationship with the other, and then they conduct that relationship outside of

any oversight or authority. Dating may or may not have marriage as its goal.

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Andre Marie, a brother of the Slaves of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, discusses that courtship

allows a couple to become acquainted with one another and that physical intimacy is saved only

for those in wedlock. Christian minister Patricia Bootsma further delineates this distinction,

writing that, in contrast to the modern conception of dating, in "courtship, time together in

groups with family or friends is encouraged, and there is oversight by and accountability to

parents or mentors." She further states that with courtship, "commitment happens before

intimacy." (Bootsma, Patricia, 2015)

The practice of traditional Christian courtship among church members belonging to various

Christian denominations experienced a revival in the 1980s. (Wilkinson, Alissa, 2015)

3.3 PURPOSE FOR DATING AND COURTSHIP

Dating and courtship are normal parts of our culture. However, we do not usually sit down and

think about the purpose of dating and courtship beyond getting to know someone and possibly

finding a life partner.

3.3.1 WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF DATING AND COURTSHIP?

Dr. Teresa Edwards, LMFT, outlines the purpose of dating as follows:

 Knowing yourself and others.

Dating is a great opportunity to learn about yourself, others, and the dynamics of relationships.

While dating, you have the chance to define your expectations for a long-term relationship and

decide what personality characteristics are important to you. Dating also provides the context to

figure out your likes and dislikes, what you're willing to tolerate, and what you're not.

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  Building Relationship Skills.

Dating presents the opportunity to learn and cultivate the essential relationship skills required for

having satisfying and healthy long-term relationships. These skills include effective

communication, conflict resolution, adaptability, problem solving, self-awareness,

compromising, emotional regulation, and setting and respecting boundaries. Dating also gives

you the chance to build character through the development of qualities such as patience,

genuineness, empathy, honesty, and self-control.

 Practicing Boundaries.

A personal boundary is similar to a fence on a property line. It signifies where your space ends

and someone else's begins, defining your responsibilities as theirs. Boundaries define who you

are, what you will permit, and what you want. They let others know what is acceptable and what

is not. A healthy person with good boundaries understands that they are responsible for their own

choices, beliefs, actions, thoughts, and emotions. (Dr. Edwards T.2022)

The purpose of dating isn't simply to find the person that you want to spend the rest of your life

with; it's an opportunity to grow and develop into a mentally and emotionally healthy person.

Courtship also has significant value to Christians homes; courtship enables parents to:

• The guardianship responsibility of fathers over single daughters.

• It is the responsibility of parents to prepare their children for marriage in all respects and for

youths to be prepared in terms of talents, education, vocation, and finances prior to seeking a

courtship relationship.

• The mentoring role of parents or other suitable "accountability couples" in a given courtship.

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• Supervision of courtships to mitigate temptations or abuse, whether of a sexual, emotional, or

financial nature.

• Emphasis on the importance of marriage as an opportunity for Christian service rather than a

selfish endeavor.

• Emphasis on the importance of singleness before marriage as a time for greater Christian

service in the community rather than a time to be employed in selfish pursuits.

• Emphasis on the importance of counseling and evaluation by family and friends as a

relationship progresses. (Song of Songs 1:4)

• Emphasis on the importance of honesty and getting to know one another as real people in

"normal life" during courtship (as contrasted with the dating habit of meeting during special

events and entertainment while on one's best behavior).

• The maintenance of sexual purity in accordance with the evangelical counsel of chastity.

(Regain Us, 2020)

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 CHAPTER FOUR

THE LESSON OF DATING AND COURTSHIP TO THE YOUTHS

4.1 HOW DATING AND COURTSHIP SHOULD BE DONE AMONG THE CHRISTIAN

YOUTHS

In churches and Christian culture, there are many popular rules for dating. Some of these include

not holding hands or not showing affection, only dating someone with the intention of marrying

them, only dating for a set period, having a required chaperone on dates, or not dating at all in

order to wait for a person’s “one true love” to come. These rules are not found in the Bible since

Scripture does not discuss dating. Instead, these assumptions have developed over time due to

major movements in Christian culture.

In the early 2000s, Joshua Harris’ book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, swept through the Christian

world and encouraged Christians to no longer date but wait for the one person whom they would

marry.

Many believers followed the teachings found in the book and refused to date anyone, instead

waiting for the divinely chosen person whom God intended for them to marry. Such teachings

gradually declined in popularity, and Joshua Harris recanted his book in 2016 and announced he

was no longer a Christian in 2019.

Currently, the popular trend among evangelical Christians is to prepare and pray for their future

spouse. This is especially popular among Christian girls and women who are encouraged to

prepare, pray, and dream about their future husbands. Dating is not discouraged but is rather

pushed into strict seriousness by requiring Christians to date with the intention of marrying. The

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problem with this view, however, is that there is nothing in Scripture about praying for one’s

future spouse, someone who is unknown or may not even exist. While Christians can participate

in dating, there is no biblical promise or guarantee that every Christian will have a spouse.

The first step in dating should always be the step of faith we take toward our Lord, Savior, and

greatest treasure, King Jesus. He captures our hearts; we find our deepest joy in him. We hide

our soul in him and stop trying to save or prove ourselves. We devote our minds to knowing him

more and more and plead with him to conform our minds and wills to his. We put all our strength

into his goal and plan for our lives: to make disciples who love him with all their heart, soul,

mind, and strength.

If our heart is not there, if our soul is not already safe through faith, if our mind is distracted and

focused on other, lesser things, if our best strength is being spent on the things of this world—

jobs, sports, shopping, entertainment, relationships—and not on God, we simply will not date

well.

Dating often isolates us from other Christians in our lives. The closer we become to a boyfriend

or girlfriend, the more removed we are from other important relationships. Satan loves this and

encourages it at every turn. One way to walk wisely in dating is to oppose absolutely everything

Satan might want for you. Fight the impulse to date in a corner by yourselves, and instead draw

one another into those important relationships. Double down on family and friends with

affection, intentionality, and communication while you’re dating."

The people willing to actually hold me accountable for dating have been my best friends. I’ve

had lots of friends over the years, but the ones who have been willing to press in, ask harder

questions, and offer unwanted (but wise) counsel are the friends I respect and prize the most.

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They stepped in when I was spending too much time with a girlfriend or started neglecting other

important areas of my life. They raised a flag when a relationship seemed unhealthy. They knew

where I had fallen before in sexual purity, and they weren’t afraid to ask questions to protect me.

They have relentlessly pointed me to Jesus, even when they knew it might upset me, reminding

me not to put my hope in any relationship, to pursue patience and purity, and to communicate

and lead well. These guys didn’t guard me from every mistake or failure no one else could, but

they played a massive role in helping me mature as a man, a boyfriend, and now as a husband.

And I wish I would have listened to them more in dating.” (Marshall S. 2016)

Kathy Keller (2013), The Meaning of Marriage, written by Tim and Kathy Keller, provides a few

steps that Christians who want to do better dating that is pleasant to God will follow.

 Dating is a spectrum.

There is a difference between dating as a teenager and later, when you’re pursuing marriage.

When you’re younger, you’re primarily looking for someone to attend to things with, and it

doesn’t entail assessing whether a person is suitable for marriage. As people get older and more

mature, their thinking about relationships shifts as they begin to look for something more

meaningful—a bigger commitment, family life, and God’s will for them.

Carrying a teenage mindset into your later years can complicate dating because of the priorities

and assumptions you and others bring to dating. As Tim and Kathy put it, “here is some advice...

Act your age. Teenagers shouldn’t try to arouse desires that can only be responsibly fulfilled in

marriage. (Kathy K. T., 2013)

 Don’t get emotionally hitched to a non-Christian.

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The assumption in the Bible is that Christians must only marry other Christians, as Paul writes in

1 Corinthians 7 and 2 Corinthians 6. The reasons for this are many, but at their heart is that for a

believer, Jesus is central to their life and shapes who they are as a person. A person outside of

this doesn’t understand what grounds and motivates your life and all you do.

This can complicate a relationship because your way of thinking and the reasoning that underlies

it are completely foreign to the other person. What often happens is that people sometimes move

Christ from a place of centrality to accommodate their partner, or they hide parts of themselves

to avoid conflict. Either way, you may lose who you are or feel isolated from your partner.

 Attraction for someone should be comprehensive.

Having sexual chemistry and being physically attracted to someone is great, but it takes more

than that to sustain a relationship. Attraction is a principal factor in choosing to get married, and

that attraction can grow deeper over time if your starting point goes beyond the merely physical.

When you are attracted to a person’s character or virtues and thus moved by the same things that

make you ache with longing for God’s kingdom, this can be a great foundation for a

comprehensive attraction that will deepen over time. (Kathy K. T., 2013)

 Slow down, and don’t let passion overtake you.

Use wisdom, knowing that we can short-circuit the demanding work of discerning whether

someone will make a good life partner if our emotions or sexual chemistry take the lead. It

makes a huge difference to slow down and be cautious about our decision-making process.

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  Get input.

Professional help is available in various communities. Seek support from families or friends that

have experienced something similar and made changes in their actions to engage in Christian

dating. Seek spiritual guidance within your church or community.

Whichever community you are in that knows you and has a deep investment in you, as well as

happy and healthy marriages, can play a role in giving you input for your journey when you’re

dating and seeking marriage.

Marriage is too important, and our perspectives are easily skewed, which is why input from

others in your various communities is valuable. Contact a Christian counselor in your community

to walk you through a healthy and spiritual dating life. Take time to learn and prepare yourself to

discover the special someone that our Lord has created to help you through good times and

hardships. (Kathy K. T., 2013)

While Courtship

Joseph M. (2023) Although the Bible does not lay out specifics regarding courtship, since some

of the biblical marriages were arranged by families (for example, the Old Testament patriarch

Isaac and his wife Rebecca were brought together supernaturally by God with the order of

Abraham), when we piece together all the principles of Scripture, we have a good plan for

courtship.

Courtship based on the biblical model of love, romance, sacrifice, dignity, and covenant implies

the following about how two people could begin a process that may eventually lead to marriage:

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Pre-Courtship Stage:

A person should not even begin to look for a mate unless they are adequately prepared for the

responsibilities of marriage and family and are themselves emotionally healthy and spiritually

mature. (When two emotionally needy people get together in marriage, it is usually a disaster.)

Go on group dates to get to know the other person or work with them in some meaningful way.

This will enable the development of a deep friendship to help discern the will of God before

beginning the process of committing to each other more formally.

Both parties should back off, receive counsel, and pray to hear from God with other mature

leaders or parents before allowing their hearts to be pulled towards each other romantically. Part

of discerning the will of God is judging whether or not the other person meets the biblical criteria

and qualifications of being a good mate, being able to raise children, and being a family leader.

Attraction should never be only physical. Based on 1 Thessalonians 5:23, we should be attracted

to another person in three areas: physically, emotionally, and intellectually and spiritually (this

includes personality). That is to say, a person needs to meet the criteria in each of these three

areas. For example, it is a huge mistake to marry a person because they are strong spiritually but

not attracted to them physically. Or, it is a mistake to marry a person for their personality when

their spiritual life is a mess, etc. (Joseph M., 2023)

Courtship Stage:

Two people who have confirmed it is the will of God for them to be together should begin a

process of spending time together. They should make a covenant together before God involving

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strict guidelines for not having physical contact or being alone where they can fall into sexual

sin, and walking in the light and having open communication with one another.

This process should involve marital counseling conducted by older, successful married couples

with spiritual depth and experience in raising strong families. (Joseph M. 2023)

At some point, the man should ask the woman’s father, parent, or relevant guardian for

permission to marry her before he officially proposes to her. During the courtship, Bible studies

should be done together on the roles of husbands and wives and the purpose of children (Genesis

1:28).

Some people wonder about a relationship where there is 'no physical involvement before

marriage' and the possibility that a couple could get married and then find out they have no

sexual or romantic feelings for each other. The advice is that one should not be physically

involved until after the commitment to marriage. This is the only way to ensure that you only

romance one partner in your lifetime. If you allow the physical romance to dominate before the

commitment, and if it does not work out, then there is the possibility of several romances, with

all the pain and emotional baggage that it entails.

There can be exciting and edifying activities in a God-honoring relationship before the marriage

or wedding ceremony! There is a time for everything. Be actively involved together in ministries

of corporate prayer, Bible study, church/youth camps, fellowship groups, choir, and weekly

Sabbath worship.

Romance is a subjective feeling. Be warned that when rough times come in the relationship (and

they will), romantic feelings will not be the only thing that will keep you together. Instead, it will

be your commitment to God and to each other that will overcome the vicissitudes of life. “Love

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and be committed to the one you marry" (Eph 5:28, 33) and "marry the one you love and

commit." Both are equally important.

One of the first things people are affected by in a relationship is their external attraction to each

other. This is important only to some extent and should not be the sole primary consideration.

The growing feelings of romance and love should not depend on the external countenance alone

as the basis of marriage (although you should like the looks of each other). The other aspects of

spiritual, intellectual, and social developments need to be considered as well. Above all,

relationships and marriage must have the approval of God first before they can be blessed by

Him. As Christians, we should desire this divine approval from heaven so that we may “glorify

God and enjoy Him forever." The Lord desires His best for us. (Eph 5:15, 16). Remember that

though marriage is made in heaven, courtship and maintenance are done on earth. (Joseph M.

2023)

4.2 IMPORTANCE OF DATING AND COURTSHIP TO THE CHRISTIAN YOUTHS

True, relationships are one of the most meaningful and important aspects of life, and courting is

essentially dating but with stricter and more well-defined boundaries. It is also much less

exclusive than dating, as two friends are considering something more, but unlike dating, courting

always has marriage in mind, and you’re not just doing this for fun; you're seriously considering

a life partner.

The main importance of dating for Christians is to find a life partner for a God-honoring

marriage. It’s about building a relationship on the foundation of faith, shared values, and mutual

respect (Madeline M. 2023).

Dating can help you develop your personality.

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You learn how to handle situations and how to grow and mature in your relationships with

others.

Dating helps you learn to get along socially.

Being with a girl or guy will be awkward at first, but dating can help you learn to be comfortable

and at ease with those of the opposite sex.

Dating can help in the selection of a mate. Most every young person looks forward to getting

married someday. Dating is one way of meeting possible marriage partners and helping you

decide the kind of person you want to marry.

Dating to learn more about who you are and who you’re compatible with.

Dating to discover your own shortcomings and how you can improve the way you view and treat

a partner.

Dating to discern how you do or don’t deserve to be treated. What if your son or daughter’s first

relationship is an abusive one, but they believe they’re supposed to “date to mate,” therefore they

marry someone who treats them poorly and is never given a chance to discover that healthy

relationships involve not harm but rather comfort, encouragement, and safety?

Christian courtship is the process of determining whether it’s God's will for a man and a woman

to marry one another. It has three essential elements.

Its goal is to ascertain God’s will using Biblical principles so as to glorify Him.

It is an honor for both sets of parents.

Great care is taken to protect the emotions of both men and women.

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Courtship is very important and necessary for the intending couple to observe if they want to

enjoy their marriage. It is during the courtship that a proper biblical foundation must be laid

down in order to have a happy married life. It is a period to get to know each other intimately,

apart from carnal knowledge and illicit romance. (Madeline M. 2023)

Before you venture into wedding plans, both of you must agree on a lot of things, like what you

both want for your marriage. Know each other's strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, and

parents. Both of you must realize what marriage means until death do us part! Courtship is a time

to plan for the wedding and the marriage. One vital issue that must be addressed during this

period is obtaining the consent of both parents (Gen. 24:54–59). It is a period to undertake

marriage counseling lessons. After proposing to a lady and she has agreed to marry you, the next

thing to do is to obey the Biblical injunction to prove all things (1 Thess. 5:21). Secretly

indulging in bodily, emotional, and sexual pleasure at this stage with your marriage partner is a

sin (Romans 12:1-2). It is a potential sign of marital failure.

Mrs. Owusu A. N. B. (2022). Set Some factors make courtship necessary. Most importantly,

marriage contraction works out in some form of procedure that takes time. Thus, the time lag

between the declaration of intent to guardians and the blessing of the marriage is the courtship

period. During this period, certain relevant pieces of information about the person’s background,

medical history, and profession are confirmed by parties as well as their parents or guardians.

Sadly, there are many instances where people have been deceived by the outward appearances

and statements of would-be husbands or wives. Out of trust, such persons did not care to even

find out where they lived, confirm their professions, meet their family, and, in some instances,

ask more questions about previous marriages and children if there were any. In such cases, the

consequences have not been too pleasant.

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Also, the period of courtship allows both parties to avail themselves of counseling prior to the

marriage. Premarital counseling basically prepares and equips both parties by helping them

identify and discuss important issues. These include temperaments, long-term goals, finances,

expectations, roles, intimacy, sex, and career goals. Counselors draw attention to important

details one is likely to gloss over due to either ignorance or youth exuberance, thereby shaping

one’s perspectives on marriage. Premarital counseling may span between three and six months,

depending on the denomination or church of both parties.

It is important to state that, aside from the advantages, this period comes with its temptations.

Thus, both parties need to exercise discipline and be discretionary in their decision-making. No-

go areas include intimacy, holding joint bank accounts, sleeping over during weekends, making

huge investments or acquiring landed properties together, and cohabiting, among others. Since

courtship is not synonymous with marriage, one must be careful and walk circumspectively. Mrs.

(Owusu A. N. B., 2022)

A "one man, one woman" commitment.

You are no longer “shopping around.” There is an intense desire on the part of both guys and

girls to really get to know each other and to discover if God has His approval for their possible

marriage.

A restraint of affection.

Lust is a proposition, and it demands immediate satisfaction. Real love will wait for the right

time and the right circumstances. It is not unusual for two committed Christians to agree to

refrain from all physical contact beyond holding hands until marriage. Some of the happiest

married couples can attest to the fact that their first kiss was at the marriage altar!

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Respect for parents on both sides.

In a God-ordained courtship, there should be the approval of the parents on both sides. If one or

both sets of parents disapprove of the relationship, that is a danger signal that should not be

ignored.

Preparation for marriage.

A successful marriage involves serious preparation on the part of both the guy and girl. Financial

freedom is a necessity for a happy marriage. The couple should seriously consider a budget. You

may be madly in love with each other, but if you do not have a good education and financial

freedom, you may not be ready for courtship.

Ideally, both husband and wife should be committed Christians who love the Lord Jesus with all

their hearts. There will be serious problems if one partner is a fully-committed Christian and the

other is complacent about the things of God. Under no circumstances should a born-again

Christian marry an unbeliever. (Owusu A. N. B., 2022)

4.3 OUTCOME OF DATING AND COURTSHIP TO THE CHRISTIAN YOUTHS

Dating can have several positive effects on individuals. It can provide opportunities for personal

growth, self-discovery, and the development of social skills. Dating can also lead to the

formation of meaningful relationships, emotional support, and companionship. Additionally, it

can contribute to a sense of happiness, fulfillment, and a greater understanding of oneself and

others. However, it's important to approach dating with a healthy mindset and to prioritize

mutual respect, communication, and consent in any relationship. (Scott C. 2012). While for

Courtship there are to possible outcome Two Possible Outcomes

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Decision that the Lord is not bringing them together. The Lord can show this to either one, but it

is normally mutual.

Engagement

Courtship brings new freedom in relationships with the opposite sex. You are focused on one

person and not wondering about every guy or girl you meet. It avoids envy and jealousy.

Courtship promotes self-control and moral purity. It promotes responsibility because you are

seriously planning and preparing for life. (Mattera J. 2019)

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 CHAPTER FIVE

SUMMARY, CONCLUSSION AND RECOMMENDATIONS

5.1 SUMMARY

The interrelationship of the Christian youths is significant to the body of Christ; therefore, it is

important to take into consideration and guide how they interrelate with their opposite sex in a

way that is pleasing to God.

Chapter one is the general introduction that reveals the need for the church to take charge of the

dating lives of its youth.

Chapter two provides different views from other authors on the matter of dating and courtship.

Chapter three explores the meaning of dating and courtship both from a worldly and Christian

perspective. It also outlines the purpose of dating and courtship for Christian youths.

Chapter four provides the lesson, the importance, and the outcome of when dating and courtship

are done in the light of God.

Chapter five contains the summary, conclusion, and some possible recommendations.

5.2 CONCLUSSION

Any Christian youth who lives by the Biblical principles guiding dating and courtship will have a

prosperous marriage full of God’s blessing. However, those who seek the worldly Patten would

end up in failure. There is no way one can build a godly home without following the biblical

pattern of dating or courting.

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5.3 RECOMMENDATIONS

Having gone through this research and discovered how important and necessary it is for a

Christian youth to follow Christian principles on dating and courtship, the researcher therefore

gives the following recommendations:.

To Parents:

Parents should oversee or monitor their children's relationships.

They should allow their children to be able to discuss their relationship with them.

They should not be too strict with their children.

To the Church:

The church should organize seminars on relationships.

The youth department should be taking this seriously.

The church should emphasize courtship more than dating.

Long-term courtship, in the interest of the two partners, is not advisable. In. some churches, long

courtship of not less than two years is encouraged with the hope that, with such time input, the

couple will get to know each other properly. This can, however, easily expose the partners to

sexual temptation and thus break the divine constitution: "Touch not; taste not; handle not."

(Col.2:21). Besides, human beings can pretend and hide their true identities until after a real

marriage. To save the intending couple, therefore, a minimum period of six months and a

maximum of one year is recommended or advisable.

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To the youth:

- If you are in a room alone together, keep the door open!

- Always be in a place where you can be easily interrupted and seen.

- Never be alone in a room behind closed doors, in a quiet, dark, obscure corner, or in a

park at night with someone of the opposite sex.

- Avoid romantic encounters until you are ready to commit to marriage. Only engage in

romance after your commitment. You will have the pleasure of learning romance with the

one person you love in the Lord, and you will be blessed by it for the rest of your life

with him or her!

- Do not emphasize the physical, but build up each other intellectually and spiritually.

- Be willing and teachable; seek parental guidance and advice from your church leaders

(i.e., pastors, elders, and deacons). Freely interact with godly married couples and

observe their Christian marriage lifestyle and family life.

- Ask good questions about each other’s convictions, values, aspirations, and other

pertinent matters to prepare you for marriage.

- Learn more about each other in areas of communication, spiritual convictions, working

life, church ministry, and family background.

- Pray often together for loved ones and the church. Consider going on organized mission

trips to grow and serve together in the Lord’s work.

- Have regular Bible study together. Share what you have learned from the Lord in your

personal devotions, reading of Christian books, or Sunday sermons.

- Learn to understand each other's personal likes, differences, and preferences. Be clear

about his or her character and interests.

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- Serve God together in church (e.g., choir, fellowship groups, home-based Bible study

groups, Vacation Bible School, etc.) in preparation to serve God as a married couple one

day. Learn to complement each other as a ministry team.

- Equip yourselves with an adequate understanding of Christian courtship and marriage

through reading the Bible and other wholesome Christian literature.

- Be willing to relate to and fellowship with others in a group setting, bearing in mind that

you are to set a positive example as a Christian courting couple.

- Exercise self-control (Gal 5:22, 23) in your passion towards each other; be determined to

keep yourselves pure for marriage (Heb 13:4).

- Meet the siblings and parents of the other side in due time and have a strong and vibrant

relationship with them as well.

- Be not exclusive in relating only to each other all the time (Heb 10:24–26, Eph 5:3, Gal

5:16, 19–21), and neglect others.

- Do not plan to isolate yourselves during your date in dark or solitary places where you

can be easily tempted and fall into sin.

- Do not give in to your passions and be involved in unhealthy activities like heavy petting

and premarital sex (Gal 5:6, 19–21).

- Do not deceive yourselves into thinking that it is alright to do this or that since “we love

each other and are already committed to being married anyway." (I Cor 7:9, Prov 6:27–

28)

- Avoid unedifying movies, videos, worldly magazines, or unwholesome jokes or books

that will stumble on each other (2 Tim 2:22).

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- Dress modestly for the date (1 Pet 3:3, 4). Do not wear plunging necklines, mini-skirts, or

tempting or sensuous attire that will not be edifying but rather hinder healthy

relationships.

- As for overseas holidays, go in a group and not just the two of you. Do not be a bad

testimony to each other and others, or even cause the other to fall into sin. (1 Cor 8:9)

- When visiting each other’s home, ensure someone is at home. Keep your rooms open so

that you will not be in absolute privacy.

- Be not involved in the worldly environment of revelry and pleasure, such as movies,

pubs, alcohol consumption, and dancing.

- Prepare and plan to have a reasonable courtship of at least 2-3 years (it is difficult to

know someone well in a short time, e.g., 6 months). Do not be influenced by the worldly

system of infidelity and the one-night-stand syndrome. (I Tim 6:6–10, 2 Tim 2:22, Gal

5:19–21) That which grows slowly endures

- The researcher also recommends that more research be done on this topic so as to bring

out more about the subject.

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