Difficulties in Marriage

Managing Marriages

When two people get married, this is usually just the beginning of a lifetime of learning how to live with
and understand each other. Just like friends or siblings have misunderstandings, husbands and wives
have misunderstandings too.

There are many reasons why married couples have misunderstandings or problems. Some of these
reasons include:

1. Lack of proper communication: This happens when the wife or the husband bottle up their feelings or
fears and refuse to talk about what is bothering them. This could lead to outbursts of anger and hurtful
words, which result in fights.

2. Interference from third parties: Sometimes when in-laws, friends or family meddle in the couple's
private affairs or do not give them space to be by themselves, this can cause problems.

3. Financial problems: When families do not have enough money to pay school fees for their children or
to afford three meals a day, this can frustrate the married couple. Not having enough money or not
having a job and being unable to contribute to the maintenance of the family sometimes causes feelings
of inadequacy in a husband or wife.

4. Infertility: Children are extremely important to Nigerians. Being infertile means one is unable to have
children. This can put a strain on the relationship between a husband and a wife. When infertility is a
problem, the extended families usually get involved by advising the husband and wife on what their
options are. The advice is usually a contributing factor in making the situation between the couple
worse.

5. Infidelity: This is when a husband or a wife has an extramarital affair. This usually causes a lot of
problems because the spouse who has been cheated on feels betrayed and loses trust in his or her
partner.
Making Marriage Successful

Family and marriage are very important to most cultures around the world. Different cultures have
different ways of protecting the institution of marriage. In Nigeria and most of Africa, marriages are
between families. This makes it much harder for marriages to end in divorce because the families get
involved when there are problems between a husband and a wife.

When the families get involved there is a lot of counselling of the couple. This is when older and more
experienced people talk to them about the problems they are facing. They try to help them understand
that their problems are not unique or unsolvable. Most of the problems people encounter in their
marriage can be managed by being patient and trying to understand the other person

Other means of managing conflict within marriage are:

being honest with each other

sharing ideas, successes, failures and responsibilities

caring for each other emotionally and physically

dialogue: discussing all issues and listening carefully to your partner love: being loving and expressive

managing anger: being able to separate what you are angry about from the person

Lesson Summary

A marriage between two people who love each other can be very happy but it can be difficult as well.
Some of the things which married people fight about are financial problems and infidelity.

Marriages can be successful if husband and wife listen to each other, keep people out of their private
business and are considerate of each other's feelings.

Lesson Review

1. What are some of the things which cause problems in marriage? 2. What do you think the attitude to
marriage is in Nigeria?