‭You are the‬‭chaos crew‬‭- a group of miscreants with‬‭one goal: to rob the richest person in town blind.
‬
‭ OBLIN‬
G
‭WITH A‬ ‭FAT ASS‬
‭Playing the game!‬
‭ ou need‬‭2-4 players‬‭and a‬‭glute master (GM)‬‭,‬
Y ‭2
‭who could also be a player, and some d6s‬‭(d)‬‭.‬
T‭ he‬‭GM‬‭describes the scene, plays everyone who‬
‭isn’t a player character, and asks the players what‬
‭they will do. They get final say on consequences,‬
‭non-player narrative, and rules disputes.‬
T‭ he‬‭players‬‭get up to various forms of‬‭goblin‬
‭mischief,‬‭throw ass‬‭to get shit done, and try to‬‭get‬
‭the goods‬‭. They get‬‭final say‬‭on what they do, how‬
‭they do it, and what it looks like as well as when‬
‭they‬‭rest their buns‬‭, give things the‬‭ol’ hip check‬‭,‬
‭or manifest‬‭peak goblin energy‬‭.‬
‭Consequences!‬
‭ h no! Someone got a‬‭partial‬‭or‬‭failure‬‭when they‬
O ‭they aren’t recovered when you‬‭rest your buns‬‭.‬
‭threw ass‬‭to get shit done. Time to do one of the‬
‭following. Pick one or roll:‬
‭1-2‬ ‭Smack someone‬‭in a way that fits the fiction.‬
‭If you roll this result and the‬‭goblin‬‭cannot‬‭be‬
‭dazed‬‭,‬‭confused‬‭, or‬‭scared‬‭, they must‬‭flee‬‭,‬
‭cower‬‭, or be‬‭knocked-out‬‭. If they cannot, they‬
‭must‬‭die‬‭.‬
‭◆‬ ‭Dazed, Confused, Scared.‬ ‭The‬‭goblin‬‭gets a‬
c‭ umulative -1d to throw ass. They need to rest‬
‭their buns to clear them (which advances the‬
‭chaos clock‬‭.)‬
‭◆‬ ‭Fled, Cowering, Knocked-Out‬‭. The‬‭goblin‬
e‭ xits play for the rest of the scene. If they’re a‬
‭panicked mess or unconscious, they must be‬
‭carried like a pear-shaped sack of gobtatoes until‬
‭they wake up. If they run away, they’ll wander‬
‭back. Either way, they only return to play at the‬
‭start of the next scene.‬‭The marks do not clear.‬‭A‬
‭goblin‬‭dies‬‭instead of marking this a third time.‬
‭◆‬ ‭Dead!‬‭Self-explanatory. Finish the scene, Then‬
‭ ause play for a minute so they can make a new‬
p ‭5‬ ‭T h e t o r m e n t n e x u s‬
‭goblin‬‭and drop them into play in the new one.‬
‭How?‬‭Why?‬‭Don’t worry about it!‬‭The‬‭chaos‬
‭crew‬‭defies explanation.‬
‭3-4‬ ‭Start or advance a 3-segment clock‬‭to apply‬
‭ arrative pressure, even if it doesn’t relate to why‬
n ‭3‬ ‭Adventurers running amok‬‭(unpredictable)‬
‭they threw ass. It should a bad thing. It can‬
‭happen in the background like “the lava is‬
‭released” or in the foreground like “the ogre loses‬
‭patience,” but it should always be something the‬
‭players can’t just ignore.‬
‭ riginal‬‭Goblin With A Fat Ass‬‭by Tom Bloom 2023.‬‭He apologized for that terrible game.‬‭/ Goblin With‬‭A Fat Ass Redux by Sean Haas 2023.‬‭I won’t apologize‬‭for this one. Let ass and‬
O
‭chaos reign!!! 🙌🔥 / Reducing dice inspo’d by‬‭Breathless‬‭/ Resolution mechanic inspo’d by‬‭Blades In The Dark‬‭/ Fonts used: Alegreya Sans, Alegreya SC, Caveat, Rubik Glitch /‬
‭Recommended safety tools:‬‭Lines & Veils‬‭,‬ ‭The X‬‭Card‬‭,‬ ‭Stars and Wishes‬‭/ Useful additional links:‬‭Goblin Name Generator‬‭,‬ ‭Goblin Playlist‬‭,‬ ‭Callsign‬‭Generator‬
‭(Un)fortunately, each of you is also a…‬
‭5-6‬ ‭Escalate the situation‬‭. Pick one or roll:‬
1‭ The special guards are alerted or catch up‬
The normal guards are alerted or catch up‬
‭3 Something breaks that wasn’t supposed to‬
‭4 Drop or lose track of something important‬
‭5 Something goes wildly out of control‬
‭6 Someone gets split off from the group‬
‭The‬‭C‭H
‬ AOS‬ ‭C‭L‬ OCK‬‭!!!‬
T‭ his tracks how well the heist is generally going. If‬
‭the clock hits‬‭midnight‬‭,‬‭shit hits the fan‬‭. The‬
‭chaos crew‬‭must either beat cheeks back to‬
‭goblintown (or whatever gobhole they crawled‬
‭out of) or make a wild-ass dash for the goods.‬
‭Start at the 1 o’clock and advance clockwise.‬
‭3‬‭o’clock‬ ‭Everyone gains two temporary‬‭ass dice‬‭,‬
‭6‬‭o’clock‬ ‭Everyone gains one temporary‬‭ass die‬
a‭ nd the‬‭situation escalates‬‭. If the many‬
‭underpaid guards haven’t been alerted yet, they‬
‭are now, too.‬
‭9‬‭o’clock‬ ‭Dice results of 2 count as 1s when‬
‭counting to advance the‬‭chaos clock‬‭.‬
‭Midnight‬ ‭Insert an‬‭AWOLNATION “run” drop.‬
‭All hell breaks loose‬‭.‬‭Recover all‬‭ass dice‬‭,‬
‭clear all‬‭conditions‬‭, escalate the situation to‬‭it’s‬
‭maximum, and hit the gas.‬‭There’s no longer‬
‭time to rest your buns‬‭,‬‭only gob or die!‬
‭G E T T H E G O O D S ! ! !‬
‭Please respect the‬‭chaos clock.‬
‭Who’s‬‭the mark‬‭?‬
1‭ ‬ ‭The mayor‬‭(super corrupt)‬
‭2‬ ‭A retired war criminal‬‭(all the war crimes)‬
‭3‬ ‭The second-biggest butter baron‬‭(so greasy)‬
‭4‬ ‭A gluteium mine magnate‬‭(keeps shiny rocks)‬
‭5‬ ‭A menagerie owner‬‭(exotic/mythical animals)‬
‭6‬ ‭A sweatshop fashionista‬‭(hates pockets)‬
‭Where’s‬‭the job‬‭?‬
1‭ ‬ ‭Gala at the mayor’s mansion‬‭(crowded)‬
‭2‬ ‭A private fortified train‬‭(in motion)‬
‭3‬ ‭Crumbling rented castle‬‭(leeching landlord)‬
‭4‬ ‭Underwater gluteium mine‬‭(isolated)‬
‭5‬ ‭Ancient volcano temple ruins‬‭(super cursed)‬
‭6‬ ‭Luxurious cliffside manse‬‭(it’s so high)‬
‭What’s‬‭the goods‬‭?‬
1‭ ‬ ‭Big stonkin’ gold bars‬‭(REALLY heavy)‬
‭2‬ ‭Imprisoned greed demon‬‭(loud, whiny)‬
‭3‬ ‭The most expensive dog‬‭(adorable, yips)‬
‭4‬ ‭The secret sauce recipe‬‭(kept in huge safe)‬
‭5‬ ‭Hand of King Midas‬‭(still works)‬
‭6‬ ‭Potion of eternal youth‬‭(drinkable by two‬
‭goblins or one human)‬
I‭ t’s protected by‬‭many‬‭underpaid‬
‭guards‬‭plus…‬
1‭ ‬ ‭Goblin-thirsty concubi demons‬‭(insatiable)‬
‭2‬ ‭Badass anti-goblin golems‬‭(undeterrable)‬
‭3‬ ‭Goblin-hungry attack wyverns‬‭(so hungry)‬
‭4‬ ‭A crack ASSault squad‬‭(cool call signs)‬
‭5‬ ‭A bunch of dwarf pirates‬‭(they hate goblins)‬
‭6‬ ‭Goblin-hunting shadow demons‬‭(sneaky)‬
‭… and it’s‬‭locked in‬‭?‬
1‭ ‬ ‭A glass room suspended over a lava lake‬
‭2‬ ‭A clockwork vault that shifts shape hourly‬
‭3‬ ‭A quantum vault that connected by portals‬
‭4‬ ‭A living vault embedded in a giant beast‬
‭6‬ ‭A case that explodes if a goblin touches it‬
‭The whole thing is‬‭complicated‬‭by?‬
1‭ ‬ ‭A rival team of kobold thieves‬‭(scaly)‬
‭2‬ ‭An orc raid‬‭(attack indescriminately)‬
‭4‬ ‭Weird fey bullshit‬‭(everywhere, all the time)‬
‭5‬ ‭T h e t o r m e n t n e x u s‬
‭6‬ ‭Booty bandits‬‭(they want to steal your asses)‬
‭?‬ ‭The‬‭goblin slayer‬‭(he rips and tears) Alexa,‬‭play‬
‭“‬‭the only thing they fear is you‬‭” by Mick Gordon‬

‭you are a‬
‭GOBLIN‬
‭▢▢▢▢▢▢‬ ‭A‬ ‭D‬
‭OF‬‭………‬ ‭SS‬ ‭ICE‬
^‭ If you have zero ass dice‬‭,‬‭roll 2d & take the lower‬
‭▢‬‭D‬ ‭AZED‬ ‭▢‭C‬ ‬
‭ONFUSED‬ ‭▢‬‭S‬
‭CARED‬
‭Cumulative -1d to‬‭throw ass‬
‭^ Rest your buns‬‭to recover dice & clear conditions!‬
‭⍉ ⍉‬‭F‬‭LED‬‭/C‬‭OWERING‬‭/K‬‭NOCKED‬‭O‬‭UT‬
‭Out-of-play until the start of next scene‬
‭⦻‬‭D‬‭EAD‬‭!‬ ‭Pop a new gob in next scene!‬
‭N‭O‬ TES‬
‭1.‬ ‭How‬‭big‬‭is that thang?‬
‭ oll 1d for the size of your keister.‬‭This decides‬
R ‭even someone else's (keep the second result).‬
‭your‬‭ass dice‬‭limit and how many you start with.‬
‭<1‬ ‭Shame to goblinkind‬ ‭🍑‬
‭🍑🍑‬
1‭ -‬‭2‬ ‭Booty-licious bubble butt‬
‭3-4‬ ‭Triple cheeked up‬ ‭🍑🍑🍑‬
‭5-6‬ ‭Super thicccc milkshake‬ ‭🍑🍑🍑🍑‬
‭-‬ ‭Green‬‭dump truck‬ ‭🍑🍑🍑🍑🍑‬
T‭ o get a‬‭green‬‭dump truck‬‭, you must roll a 6, then‬
‭reroll and get a 4+.‬
‭2.‬ ‭Where‬‭’d you get all that?‬
‭ oll 1d to determine your skills and an item.‬‭You‬
R
‭may adjust up or down one step.‬
‭1‬ ‭A noblegob’s life of indolence and leisure‬
S‭ kills:‬ ‭charisma, fashion, wine tasting‬
‭Item:‬ ‭a sack of gob wine (delightfully stinky)‬
‭Detail:‬ ‭what's a gob like you doing here?‬
‭2‬ ‭Vicious fighting in the gobbo wars‬
S‭ kills:‬ ‭fleeing, spitting, stabbing‬
‭Item:‬ ‭old hardtack gnawed to form a shiv‬
‭Detail:‬ ‭who and where did you fight?‬
‭3‬ ‭An accident at gobzard cram school‬
S‭ kills:‬ ‭detect magic, use magic device‬
‭Item:‬ ‭a magic… 1-2 bean, 3-4 mirror, 5-6 spoon‬
‭Detail:‬ ‭what was the assperiment?‬
‭4‬ ‭Long years in the gluteium mines‬
S‭ kills:‬ ‭athletics, crying, digging‬
‭Item:‬ ‭an old-ass pick-axe (still crusty!)‬
‭Detail:‬ ‭what IS gluteium used for?‬
‭5‬ ‭Blessed by an enthusiastic booty nymph‬
S‭ kills:‬ ‭alchemy, nature, naked festivities‬
‭Item:‬ ‭a magic… 1-2 bean, 3-4 mirror, 5-6 spoon‬
‭Detail:‬ ‭why did they choose you?‬
‭6‬ ‭It’s a big all-natural‬
S‭ kills:‬ ‭pick three skills from above or next‬
‭Item:‬ ‭sketchy certificate of “I’m better than‬‭you”‬
‭Detail:‬ ‭why do your broodmates hate you?‬
‭3.‬ ‭What’s that booty‬‭do‬‭?‬
‭ oll 1d to determine more skills, another item or‬
R ‭1‬ ‭To do anything, just say how you do it.‬‭Don’t‬‭roll‬
‭two, and a special ability.‬‭You may adjust up or‬
‭down one step. You can use an ability once before‬
‭you need to‬‭rest your buns‬‭and refresh it.‬
‭1‬ ‭Beat the shit outta folks‬
‭Skills:‬ ‭chewing gum, FOR GOBBO, kicking ass‬
‭Items‬ ‭the perfect janky-ass goblin weapon‬
‭Detail:‬ ‭what’s your weapon? how’s it janky?‬
‭Ability:‬ ‭disarm someone or break down a door‬
‭2‬ ‭Steal shit‬
‭Skills:‬ ‭picking locks, pulling fast ones, sneaking‬
‭Item:‬ ‭a pair of quiet-ass gob-burglar shoes‬
‭Detail:‬ ‭what’s weird about the shoes?‬
‭Ability:‬ ‭steal a reachable loose or worn object‬
‭3‬ ‭Magic shit‬
‭Skills:‬ ‭goblin magic, napping, rolling dice‬
‭Items:‬ ‭a vermin familiar, a floppy-ass hat‬
‭Detail:‬ ‭what kind of vermin is your familiar?‬
‭Ability:‬ ‭set anything on fire (yes, even that)‬
‭4‬ ‭Praise the gobbo gods for shit‬
‭Skills:‬ ‭gardening, goblin religion, talking loudly‬ ‭-‬ ‭Roll one less die if any‬‭chaos crew‬‭hinder‬
‭Item:‬ ‭a jangly-ass staff perfect for bonking‬
‭Detail:‬ ‭who is your god? what are they god of?‬
‭Ability:‬ ‭pray to your gobbo god to re-roll all‬‭dice,‬
‭5‬ ‭Be entertaining as shit‬
‭Skills:‬ ‭carousing, making playlists, performing‬
‭Item:‬ ‭a kludged, loud-ass gobbo instrument‬
‭Detail:‬ ‭what’s weird about your performance?‬
‭Ability:‬ ‭put on a show to distract a group of‬
‭people or creatures for a couple minutes; only‬
‭works on the same ones once.‬
‭6‬ ‭Spooky shit‬
‭Skills:‬ ‭gobstrology, gobcane blast, gobcultism‬
I‭ tems:‬ ‭bad gobthic poetry, an edgy-ass dagger‬
‭Detail:‬ ‭how did you get your weird powers?‬
‭Ability:‬ ‭curse someone to knock them out‬
‭instantly for a few minutes, if they can hear‬
‭you; only works on the same person once.‬
‭4.‬ ‭What’s in your‬‭pockets‬‭?‬
‭ oll 1d to determine miscellaneous items you‬
R ‭get an unexpected opportunity, odds get some‬
‭have on-hand.‬‭You may adjust up or down one‬
‭step. They last one venture. Don’t think about how‬
‭your pockets work, they just do. You always have‬
‭lint, a couple of moldy gobshrooms.‬
‭1‬ ‭Corncob pipe, duct tape, screwdriver, bottle‬
‭of orc rotgut (antiseptic, mildly acidic, possibly‬
‭drinkable)‬
‭2‬ ‭A handful of the greatest, most perfectly‬
‭shaped, shiniest stones you’ve ever seen.‬
‭3‬ ‭Various meat pies, a knife, a bigger knife,‬
‭ten feet of rope, a collapsible pole‬
‭4‬ ‭A pinch of enriched gluteium, four glass‬
‭vials, an unexploded artillery shell, moldy‬
‭bread‬
‭5‬‭. An oddly shaped/sized key, bottle of oil‬
‭(very flammable), jar of ball bearings‬
‭6‬ ‭Three different pairs of shoes, sunglasses,‬
‭an oversized coat (big enough for three‬
‭goblins), a loose sandwich, a pack of matches‬
‭Throwing Ass!‬
‭dice to get shit done in fiction unless:‬
◆‭ The outcome is in doubt‬
‭◆ You can’t repeat it easily‬
‭◆ It’s risky (most of what you do should be)‬
‭◆ The result really matters‬
‭2‬ ‭When one or more of the above apply‬‭, roll your‬
‭available ass dice and keep the highest result to‬
‭determine your outcome:‬
‭◆‬ ‭6‬ ‭Success!‬ ‭You do it cleanly, perfectly!‬
‭◆‬ ‭4-5‬ ‭Partial.‬ ‭You do it messily or poorly,‬‭and‬
‭suffer a‬‭consequence‬‭.‬
‭◆‬ ‭1-3‬ ‭Failure‬‭… You don’t do it and also suffer‬‭a‬
‭consequence‬‭.‬
‭Examples of how you can get‬‭more or less dice‬‭:‬
‭+‬ ‭Roll an extra die if any‬‭chaos crew‬‭help‬
‭+‬ ‭Roll an extra die if any‬‭skill‬‭applies‬
‭+‬ ‭Roll an extra die if any big‬‭circumstantial‬
‭advantage‬‭applies, like an item or convenient‬
‭chandelier‬
‭-‬ ‭Roll one less die if you’re‬‭dazed‬‭,‬‭confused‬‭,‬
‭or‬‭scared‬
-
‭ ‬ ‭Roll one less die if any big‬‭circumstantial‬
‭disadvantage‬‭applies, like you can’t see‬
‭through smoke or you’re hanging off a ledge‬
‭by one hand.‬
‭3‬ ‭Regardless of the outcome,‬‭reduce your‬
‭number of‬‭ass dice‬‭by one. It’s hard throwing‬
‭that thing around, you know?‬
‭4‬ ‭Count up every 6 and 1 on the final dice‬
‭results‬‭and for every 1 without a 6, advance‬
‭the‬‭chaos clock‬ ‭one segment.‬
‭Rest Your Buns!‬
‭ veryone recovers their ass dice, removes all‬
E
‭conditions‬‭. Advance the‬‭chaos clock‬‭three‬
‭times.‬
‭Twist!‬
‭ n doubles, something else happens, too.‬‭Evens‬
O
‭kind of trouble. Good twists and bad twists cancel‬
‭out.‬‭Twists apply even if they are not the highest.‬
‭The Ol’ Hip Check!‬
‭ hen you throw ass, you may adjust the final‬
W
‭outcome up or down one step.‬‭Moving up costs‬
‭two ass dice, moving down recovers one.‬
‭Peak Goblin Energy!‬
‭ ecover an ass die if you say how you hinder any‬
R
‭of the‬‭chaos crew‬‭when they‬‭throw ass‬‭.‬
‭Good Luck, Gobbo!!!‬
‭ ot Secret‬‭!‬ ‭Partial/success odds‬
N
‭1d‬ ‭50%/16.7%‬ ‭2d‬ ‭75%/30.6%‬ ‭3d‬ ‭87.5%/42.1%‬
‭4d‬‭93.8%/51.8%‬ ‭. . .‬ ‭7d‬ ‭99.2%/67.9%‬
S‭ ecret‬‭!‬ ‭Don’t tell anyone! When you determine‬
‭your ass size and get a 1 on the die, you may decide‬
‭that you’re a‬‭kobold in disguise‬‭!!! You can throw‬
‭off your disguise to gain +2d due to surprise or‬
‭betray (like trying to take the loot and run!)‬