RandomReminiscences_10185775

RANDO M REMINIS C ENC ES
C H A R LE S H . E . B R O O KF I E LD
LONDON
ED WARD A R NOLD
1 90 2
P R E FA C E
I HAVEendeavoured in these ran d o m reminiscenc e s
to avoid an error into w hich the autobiographer is
prone to fall — that of taking himself his acti o ns , ,
and his thoughts too seriously I am not aware .
that I have included in this volume anything which

appears to m e of importance ; I trust that I have
not either committed the impertinence of expressing
, ,
any views .
O n e of my grandfathers used to tell a story of an

old Quaker who liv e d in th e N orth of E ngland
about a hundred years ago O n e morning as he .
,
sat in his study his son burst into the room clad in
,
a scarlet coat with his hunting cap cocked on one -
side The young man half seated himsel f on the

.
corner of the writing table set his arms akimbo

-
, ,
swung his leg defiantly and exclaimed Father , , ,
I m an atheist and I don t care who knows it I

’ ’ ’
The old man looked up from his work pushed his ,
spectacles on to his forehead and then replied in ,
measured tones Well John if tha beest tha

,
‘
, , ,
n e e d s t not mak sic a Tom fool o t h as e l

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2 5 25 7 3
vi P R E FA C E
E verythingin this book is to the best of my ,
belief absolutely true though here and there I have

, ,
altered a name I f one or two stories should seem

.
familiar I would remind the reader that lack of

,
novelty is an essential element in a reminiscence .
O wing to an unfortunate weakness which I have

for hear i ng myself speak I have repeatedly told my
,
stor ies to m y friends but I am so sanguine as to

,
hope that some may buy my book whom I have

not yet the honour of num bering in that long su ffer -
ing sodality and that they may find here and there
,
something to entertain them .
For personal and other reasons I have omitted

nine tenths of what I remember
-
.
CH A R LES H E B R OO K F I ELD . . .
D O R K I N G, 1 9 0 2.
CONTENTS
C H A TER P I
1 8 70 —F ri e n d s —
PA G E
Sc h o o l re p o rt , of my p are nts Te nny so n ,
Carl yl e , k y
T h ac e ra , D ik
c e ns —A fe w of my f th
a ers
’
s to r e si -
W tm i t
es ns e r Sc h o o l — T h ank sg iv i ng Se r vi ce at
P 8 72 —A rc h bi p i T h o m so n
’
St . au l s, 1 sh o s Ta t an d 1 -2 0
C H A T ER I I P
Il v
ea e sch o o l — P ari s an d th e Pli a a s Ro y al — T h e E xamin e r
—I ma k
q i t e f p mi i g y g m
th e ac u a n an c e o a ro s n oun an
— T h S v i l Cl b — B
e t —
a R dy d eK ip i g A
l — u e san u ar n
a —
v i ll g e d i t R b t L i St v
e or — Th R b l i o er ou s e e n so n e a e a s
C l ub — Si F d i k P ll k r d L d Hre g h t
er c o oc an or ou on
G g
e or eV b l d F i G d
e na e s an ran c s ar e n
C H A T ER I I I P
Cam b i dg —Th
r e e l o ng -h a re d A c h ae an s—Th e
i f th i k i g
re e -
n n
s tu d e n t an d th e Se n ior D e an —T h e ‘
B uc ks B k an
’
—
An v
a e rte d m i i
sal l an c e —A Cam b i dg
r e r o i t—I t n s ru c
i
t o n in th e u se o f th e tru n c h e o n b y th e l ate M aste r o f
Tri i ty—M y U i v i ty d i ti ti —M y
n n e rs s nc on u n cl e J o se p h
—W t w l k th gh C mb i d g — D i k
e s on s
’
a ro u a r e c M aso n s ’
C i k t t F
r c e —My a l v g e n ne r s
’
an nu a a e ra e 10
’
C O N T EN TS
P
C H A TER I V
—
PAG E
H o l i d ay s—I n th e A rd e n n e s—A
w i l d b o ar b attu e H i nt s o n -
—
fo re ig n v e n e ry T h e fo x an d h o w to sl ay h im —
,
Th e
b o at an d h o w to e l u de h im N
,
— o rw a —
y Cam pi n g o n
th e D o v e rfj e l d — F re ya H is l o rd sh ip v
— s al e t— M y v e ry ’
o b e d i e n t se rv an t — T h e p o w e r o f i ag i
m n at i o n — C h arl e y
B u ll e r —A n i id
nc e n t at L o rd s
’
— M arc h straw b ie rr e s
Li o ne l Te nn yso n an d th e s m ugg l e r
P
C H A T ER V
‘
Ado t pi ng th e s tag e as a p f i
ro e s s o n — Exp e rt ad vi ce — Th e
i th
c all n g en an d n ow T o ur i ng
’
-
D i f
s co m o rts
T yp h i d f v o e er — Sir W il l i am J e n ne r — A p t mi m
an o e
e g ge
n a m e t
n — A ‘
s tag e n am e
- —T h e H ay mar e e a re k t Th t
-
T h e B an c ro ts f at re h e arsal — —
Frank Marsh all A s a
m ak e r o f s al ad 9 1 -1 0 9
P
C H A TER V I
Ode l l — H is d i sc re i
t o n — H is me d i c al i
sc e nc e —H is s u s c e p ti
—
b ty H is
ili v i it
s to A me r i ca — H is i
re t c e n c e — H is ap
p i ti f
re c a on o d e ta l i My e xp i e r e nce as a te ac h e r of
l ti
e o cu —A on s a s tag e -
manag e r to amate u rs —A h as pi ran t
w h o w as to ta e k Lo nd o n by sto rm 1 1 0- 1 2 4
C H A TER V I IP
T he ‘
l e ad i ng j v i
ui ty—H i w il
en le -
H is so c al i pp o u l ar s es
H i t y t H i i m g i ti —T h Th m V l l y— A
—s r s s s a na on e a es a e
l
co on y f d ip m i — A y g m w h l i v d b y
o so an ac s o un an o e
h i w its s
5 12 -
1
38
CO N T EN T S
CH A TER V P III
—Sto —Th e —Th e
PA GR
P y V
e rc e rn o n ne s
’
s p tio r ng ta l ors i f Ca é
d e l Eu rOp e —T h e te e to tu m, pi it—H l f
’
an d ho w t o s n a
c ro w n h u n te rs and th e i r me th o d s —Th H ym k t e a ar e
fl o w e r g irIs - —P o ll y 13 9 5 61
CH A T ER I X P
Su mme r se aso n at th e —
H ay mark e t Th e me anne ss of th e
‘
d e ad h e ad
-
’
— ‘
H 0use fu 11
’
— Bol d adv ti m
e r se e nt
Stag e d o o r-
b e ggars—A pi ous i
c ro ss ng s -
w p —A
ee er d is
tre s se d fo re g ne r i r 57 1 70
C H A T ER X P
Bo h e mi an ame n iti —M es rs. Al f re d Wig an an d Mrs K e e l e y
.
‘
B o ttl e on it —My li
e ar e s t re c o l l e c t o n i of Be e r b hm
o
T re e —A n u n c h ro n c l e i d c o n fl ag ratio n H e r Ma j ty ’
at es s
Op e ra- H o use —One or tw o Ban c ro t f i

s to r e s —A co n
s cie n tio u s
‘
e xt ra-l ad y H y arr Ke m le b an d A rth u r
Ce c il an d th e N e w Y —C i le ar ec as an e q u e str an i 1 7 1 -
1 88
P
C H A T ER X I
Mauri c e B arry mo re —A j
c o n u g al re p roo f—J ti i us ce n th e Far
W t—A big my t i
es a r al in P e nn s yl v i Th
an a e B urg l ar
an d th e J u d g e —Stag e b u rg l ars an d re al o ne s
Crim n al i ‘
l i
ne s of b i
us ne ss — Card
~ -
sh ar pi ng —A n old
A m e r can i s p o rt -
Th e ro ad to w e al th — M i ll i o nai re s t
a-
pl y—M
a r. Lo w e n fe l d 18 9-
21 5
CO N T ENT S
P
C H A TER XI I
AGE
M u si c h al l s —T h e — Th G t
P
-
v i ty ti t
ar e arhm s
’
s c o ac an e re a
V an c e —A n or i g i l p ti d i g i t t — M S m l F h
na re s a or r. a ue re n c
an d h is e n te r a n n t i i g f i d — E i L wi
r en d g f
s i r c e s as a o -
an c e r
— A l fre d Ce l l i —Th t l
er f e h q
a e o 6 a c e ue 21 -
2 33
C H A TER X P III
A ‘
C usto me rs
’
P ro te ct o n i So c i ty
e —C h ari ng Cro ss H o s pi t l a
—A n o p i —A
e rat o n w t bl i t i
n un arran a e n ru s o n at W t es
m i n s te r H pi t l —A l d y wh
os a h g d h a o c an e er d o c to r
Fi re m e n d th i w y — H w t
an e r m k a s o o a e o ut a fi re
assuranc e —
i v t y F i i th t
n e n or re s n e a re s 2 34- 2 4 9
P
C H A TER X I V
A p l i ti l p
o ca ro g ramm e —T ri al b y j y— J ti ur us ce s h u ts he r
ey —A es h ad ro it ‘
g e t out
- —A mp y co an c ase —A p vi ee sh
J u d g e —T h e j y di
ur sag re e —I n th e I sl e of Wi g h t
Sh ip w k — A lre c s tg d — Th z e a o us c o as u ar e [ r e ar —Th e
C mp l t R i t
o e e t f l t—A t ip t M d i
ec er a au r o a e ra —A b i u r al
at —H pi t l i ty t F
se a h l— D t h
os a a u nc a u c c o u rag e 2
5 0- 2 6 9
C H A T ER P XV
M o n te Carl o Th e e n c h an tm e n t of th e pl ac e Su nn y
r —
m e mo i e s A gi an t in th o se d ay s—T h e aég r z ng ol aa e o f
’
'
’
th e c ro u pi e r—A d i sp u te d stak e — P l ay i ng o n a sy ste m

Th e o nl y su re w ay t o w in— F re nc h d e te c ti v e s—T h e i r
nai e tev —A F re nc h c o n fi d e nce -

m an 2 70 - 2 8 7
CO NT EN T S xi
C H A TER XV IP
—
PG
Am e ri c a—T h e
A E
e x trao rd nari y h os pi i y
tal t o f th e n at iv Th e
es
v
ad e n tu re s o f a n g t h — I n g a o l —i
A n o e l d r e — A v iv
f
c ag e ul o f m a e ac to s
l r — M y h e al th re a s d o w n—Co n
f b k
su mp ti o n , an d h o w to c u re it by o ne w h o h as ill g
st ot
it— B o rd g h e ra— l e u r s
i P i y—T h Bl k F e ac o re s t—Ch pi o
’
n s
F u n e ral M arch — M y bi t y ti
o uar no ce s 2 88 -
30 5
RAND O M REMINISC ENC ES
C H A PT E R I
Sch o o l re p o rt, 1 8 70 —F ri e n d s o f m y p are n ts —Te nn y so n , y

Carl l e ,
T h ac k y e ra ,
D ik
c e ns —A fe w of my f th
a
’
e r s s to r e s i —W e st
m i nste r Sch o o l —T h ank sg i v i ng Se r vi ce at St . P ’

au l s, 1 8 72
f
f
A rch bi sh o p s Ta t i an d T h o m so n .
A F EW days ago I found in a box of old letters a

school report describing me as I was or as I ap
, ,
e are d to my schoolmaster or as he wished my

p ,
father to think I appeared to him at th e ag e of ,
thirteen A lthough thirty odd years may have

.
wrought some changes in my character and disposi

tion perhaps I may be allowed to put forward my
,
old domini e s estimat e of me as I may have been

’
, ,
by way of an introduction .
‘
33 H E
,
R E F O R D S Q U A R E, S . W
.
,
’
‘
Ap rzl 2 1 , 1 8 70 .
‘
R EVE REN D S I R ,
Charlie as his mark book will have already

,
-
shown you has taken an exce e dingly good position

,
2 R A N D O M R E M I N I SC EN C ES
in his class this t e rm The distinct progre ss which

.
I hav e been able to trace in Latin has be e n v e ry

gratifying I n Fre nch h e is getting ov e r what has
.
always b e en to him his most s erious d iffi cu l ty — his

ignoranc e of the grammar A s to E nglish th e re is
.
,
a decided improvement in his spelling For quick .
ness in comprehending the general drift of a speech

and the power of appropriately e asily and neatly , ,
expressing hims e lf he is unrivall e d I n algebra .
and Gre e k he has work e d st e adily and mad e pro

gre ss I am sure that thi s re sult has n o t b e e n
.
gain e d by ov e rwork ; on th e contrary I thin k that ,
if h e were to show a littl e more e mulation h e would

do much better I shall arrange th e marks so that
.
n e xt term three prizes may be fairly within his

reach and I hope he will fe el t ha t you are int e r e st e d
,
in the result Polit e sensible and cl e ver Charli e

.
, , ,
has always seemed to m e a most agre e abl e com

panion The only flaw which I can notic e in his
.
character consists in his want of self assertion -

.
H owever pl e asant it may be for a mast e r or for

older b oys to have a pupil or companion who never
o p poses his will to theirs however amiable may be
,
the conduct which arises from an unwillingness to

hurt t h e feelings of others still for a boy s own
, ,
’
good I think it is well that he should be able to

,
maintain his own convictions even at the risk of

,
being browbeaten or bullied To the upright .

A LA CK OF V EN E R A T I O N 3
p rinciples and tender feelings which Charlie already

has I should therefore like to s e e him add that
,
r e solut e will which is the best safe guard against

those evil in fl uences and bad companions with which
everyone as he grows up is bound to meet
, , .
I remain reverend sir

‘
, ,
Yours respectfully ,
G H A RT ‘
. .
‘
R W H B
E V. . . R O O K FI ELD .
’
A lthough as a child I was brought into contact

with many c e l e brat e d p eople fri e nds of my father and ,
—
mother Carlyl e Tennyson Thackeray D ickens , , , ,
—
and others I have unfo rtunately no interesting , ,
personal reminiscences of them This may be .
p artl
y d ue to
‘
t h e fact that I hav e a slight hollow
j ust wh e re I ought to have th e bump of ven e ration .
—
Thackeray for whom d e spit e this phrenological ,
shortcoming I have an almost boundless admira

,
tion partly inh e rited and partly cultivat e d — I could

,
hardly be ex p ected to re member as he died when ,
I was only six years old Carlyle my father used .
to take me to see but I can only recall an old man

,
of rough ext e rior and primitive habits seated on the ,
floor by his fireplace smoking a long straight clay ,
pipe I have visions of Tennyson drying his

.
tobacco on the fi re shovel and I have not forgott e n

-
,
the whiff which used to come from his larder where ,
1 —2
4 R A N D O M R E M I NI SCEN C ES
the meat had to hang till it matured to his liking .
I was r e ar e d howev e r on stori e s of th e s e giants

, ,
from my parents who knew them w e ll and some of

, ,
th e s e anecdot e s have not as far as I know been

, ,
hitherto published .
M y mother used to d e scribe to me T e nnyson s ’
first app e arance at Clevedon Court whither my ,
father brought him wh e n quite a young man to

present him to h e r family M y grandfather S ir .
,
Charles E lton who had fought in the trenches

,
und e r the D uk e of York was a courtly old ,
gentleman with a vast e xpans e of bald head ,
which l p e d gradually into an e minence towards

th e p oll
. I mm e diat e ly on ent e ring the library in
which my grandfath e r was sitting th e long haire d ,
-
young po e t march e d p to him and without any

u , ,
warning laid his palm upon the old ge ntl e man s

,
’
cranium and after gazing into his face for a

, ,
fe w seconds with knitt e d brows suddenly rolled ,
forth in rugged Lincolnshir e acc e nts You must ' ‘
have done a great many foolish things in your

life with this great big bump of ben e vol e nce of
,
yours I n thos e days the eld e rly w e re not us e d to

being patronized by the young and I believe my ,
grandfather was furious .
T e nnyson invited my great uncle H enry H allam -

, ,
to be godfather to his first boy to which he re adily ,
consent e d A s they were walking u p the church

.
T EN N Y SO N 5
yard side by side the historian inquired of T e nny ,
son What nam e do y o u mean to give him ? We

,
‘
’
thought of calling him Hallam said the poet Oh ,

’
.
‘
,
had you not better call him A lfr e d modestly sug

ge st e d my great uncle A y e ! replied t h e na i ve
-
.
‘ ’
bard but what if h e should turn out a fo o l

,
‘
? ’
M y fathe r was dining one night at the O xford

and Cambridge Club with George V e nables Frank ,
Lushington Tennyson and two or three others

, , .
A fter dinner th e po e t insisted on putting his feet on

t h e table tilting back his chair m or e A me z z ca n o
’
.
,
There were strangers in the room and he was ,
e xpostulat e d with for his uncouthness but in vain ,

.
D o put down your feet pl e aded his host Why ‘

.
should I retorted Tennyson I m very comfort .

’
able as I am E veryone s staring at you said

.
’ ‘ ’
,
’
another Let em stare replied the poet placidly

.
’
,
’
.
A lfr e d said my father people will think you re

’ ’
‘ ‘
, ,
Longfellow D own w e nt the feet .

’
.
My father and a friend were once at H arewood ,
and it occurred to them that th e y would like to s e e a

certain local celebrity known as th e A iredale Po e t .
They accordingly inquired at the H arewood A rms ,
where this sylvan laure ate was to be found I .

‘
think they d be able to t e ll you round at the stabl e s

'
sir said the landlord A ccordingly th e y re pair e d

,
’
.
to the yard and consulted a stable boy who by way -

, ,
of r e ply m e re ly put his hollowed hands to his mouth

,
6 R A N D O M R EM I N I SCEN CES
and shout e d S lush ! which it appeared was th e

,
‘ ’
, ,
familiar name by which th e po e t w e nt I n answ e r .
ap p e are d a slovenly unkempt individual who b e , ,
came th e willing recipi e nt of a pot of al e A t a .
party at T h e Grange somewhere about 1 8 5 6 wh e re ,
T e nnyson was t h e obj e ct of much extravagant

Worshi p Carlyl e with caustic humour remarked to
, , ,
my father I t re minds one of your old friend

,
S lush
’
.
O n e bitter wintry day at The Grange Carlyle sat ,
in an anteroom between the hall and the drawing

room with only Lady A shburton M rs Carlyle and , .
,
my fath e r From the pitiless incl e m e ncy of the day

.
,
h e took occasion to relat e how when he was a child ,
of four his parents had given him an earth e nware

,
thrift pot a sort of bottl e without mouth but a slit

-
,
’
in the side to slip pennies in S omehow h e had .
been left alone in the hous e ; there came to the door

a b e ggar man pale weary worn and hungry drip
, , , , ,
ping with wet I climbed on the kitch e n tabl e

.
‘
,
’
said Carlyle and reached down the thrift pot

,
‘ “ -
”
from its shelf and gave him all that was in it som e
,
—
four pence 1 w av e ? in al l my l f e f e l l any til ing so

. z /
Me p ity I fi aa f or Mal m a n
’
l ike ag a r/e n as
’
.
S peaking of the writer of Ei w B mk n Carlyle lc v a uc ,
said he was th e most portentously self righteous -
mortal ever ext ant on this planet who seemed to ,
say to th e A lmighty in place of asking for H is grace ,

8 R A N D O M R EM I N I SCEN C ES
and grunting in s e arch of what pignuts or oth e r

aliments may present thems e lves for th e ir sust e
nance and comfort wh e n sudd e nly the devil enters
,
into th e m up go their tails into the sky and away

, ,
th e y go plunging into bottoml e ss abysses of delirium

,
and confusion and nam e less distraction .

’
E arly in their married life my father and moth e r,
liv e d in lodgings in J ermyn S treet ( h e was curate at

S t James s Church at the tim e ) O n e evening h e
’
. .
unexpect e dly brought Thackeray home for dinn e r ,
and introd uced him to my mother S h e was rath e r .
overwh e lmed by the knowledg e that there was

nothing in the house but a cold should e r of mutton .
I t was too late to contrive anything mor e elaborate ,
so to give an air to the tabl e she sent her maid to

, ,
a neighbouring pastrycook s for a dozen tartlets of’
various kinds Which of thes e may I give you

.
she inquired in d u e course of Thack e ray Thank .

‘
you M rs B ro o k fi e l d said he I l l hav e a two

, .
,
’
,
‘
’
penny one
D ickens strong sympathy gave him an e xtra
’
ordinary memory even for tri fles When my father .
was given th e living of S omerby near Grantham , ,
both my mother and h e rather dre aded the monotony

of life in a small country village D ick e ns did his
'
best to ch e e r my moth e r on the subj ect A re .

‘
there n o old fri e nds living anywh e re in t h e neigh

b o h o o d of S om e rby
ur he inquired S ur e ly there .
D I C K ENS 9
must be some é oay you know within ten mil e s or ’
so N o re p li e d my mother mournfully not a

‘ ’ ‘
, ,
single soul O h ! I think there is one acquaintance

.
of my husband s she suddenly re c o l l e c te d l A

’
,
’ ‘
M r M addison I fancy the nam e is

.
, But h e is not .
an intimate friend William knows him only very .
slightly A h bu t that s all right

.
’
‘
,
exclaimed ’
D ickens his whole face brightening You ll fi nd ’
, .
M addison a d e lightful resource You ll discover .

’
there s a lot more in M addison than you ever

’
dre amed th e re was M addison will become a v e ry .
important factor in your life Yes I m glad you ve .

,
’ ’
got M addison A n d wringing h e r heartily by the

.
’
hand he went his way I t so happened that m y

, .
mother did not meet D ickens aga i n for thre e or

four years till one evening at a crowded party she
,
caught his e y e at the other end of the room H is .
face immediately lit up with a humorous expression ,
and he picked his way through the crush until he

re ach e d her side Well he inquired in an eager
.
‘
,
’
undertone and aot0 s M ad d ison

,
’
A lthough I was always fond of my father from

my earliest days I stood a littl e in awe of him and
, ,
when I cam e home from school I used to pass his

study door and t e ar u pstairs to my moth e r with ,
whom I felt more completely at my ease I am .
sorry to say it was not until the last thre e y e ars of

his life that I go t to know him re ally intimat e ly .
O ne evening wh e n I was about fifteen I was hiding ,
in a lumber room surreptitiously smoking when my

-
, ,
father sudd e nly discovered m e I am astounded .

,
’
he e xclaimed gravely that you whom I always ,

‘
,
re garded as a straightforward right minded lad ,

-
,
should hide yourself away in this manner to indulge

in th e clandestine use of that abominable weed
tobac 00 B ut since you fi aw contracted this odious
.
,
p altry cowardly indecorous unsanitary pestilential

, , , ,
habit and I suppos e it s too late to try and bre ak

,
’
yourself of it w h y not come and smoke sociably

,
with m e in my study ? Thenceforth I sat and ’
smoked with him ev e ry night M any of his stories .
were natural l y about the cl e rgy H ere are a fe w

, ,
.
that occur to me at haphazard .
A t t h e tim e that Princ e A lbert was put forward

as a candidate fo r the Cambridg e Chancellorship ,
H orace M ansfield said to a London cl e rgyman

Why I hear that the Bishop of L o ndon ( he who
,
’
us e d to be known as the Canterbury Pilgrim ) ‘ ’
has written circulars to all th e clergy to vote for

the Prince You a re only part i ally correct
.
’ ‘
,
’
replied th e clergyman H is lordship did me the

.
honour to cal l upon m e .

’
There was a friend of my father a M r H aver , .
fi e l d a clergyman
, H e had a gl ass eye and had
.
,
a habit wh e n speaking m e ditatively of taking out his

p e ncil cas e and tapping the artificial organ with
L O R D OV ER STO NE ll
audible and most startling e ffect This M r H aver . .
fi e l d was one day describing to my father certain

alterations he proposed to make in th e arrange
ments of his chapel in York S treet and rubbing , ,
his hands with glee at anticipated success he said : ,
I think it will do good to the chapel set folk talk ,
ing bring it into notice m ake the seats let

, , ,
’
then suddenly checking hims e lf besides mg/m

, ,
‘
r
m ol zw
’
’
s.
H e told me a story of my grea t grandfather the -

,
R e v M Preston
. H e was rather calling to order
. .
a young clergyman for preaching a s e rmon o f forty

minutes duration To which the youthful orator
'
.
r e pli e d : B ut you know M r Preston S t Paul

‘
, .
, .
pre ached till midnight Ay h e replied with a

.
’ ‘
,
’
littl e of the East R iding dialect but folk fe ll down ,

‘
dead ! ’
A curate whom my father knew h ad a valuable

diamond ring which he only allowed hims e lf to
wear on Communion days O n one such day his .
,
mind int e nt upon the j ewel he b e gan I f we say ,

‘
that we have no ring we deceiv e ourselves etc

, ,
’
.
‘
A t the marriag e of M iss Lucy Lyttelton to
Lord Frederick Cavendish in which I o ffi c iat e d; ,
’
said my fath e r w e all had to defile into the

,
‘
J e rusal e m Chamber through a v e ry low little , ,
arched door called the needle s eye “

Lord ’
.
”
Houghton was walking behind me Lord O ver .

“
stone will never get through l he e xclaimed A n d ”

.
,
b e ing a tall man th e multi millionaire did in e ffe ct

,
-
com e in contact with th e masonry which caus e d a ,
laugh I said : You ll s e e I shall whip through

.
“ ’
easily e nough But wh e n anoth e r minut e brought

.
”
m e to the test mi s calculating t h e h e ight I bump e d

, ,
my head violently against the arch for which I got ,
no p ity only a laugh

, S omebody said Lord .
“
,
”
H oughton has left you a

“
,
Lord O verston e my father told m e was once , ,
staying in som e country house and in the hall said ,
t o some young m e n who were must e ring for a
walk : N o w what do you young men do with your

,
old hats ? Well replies wer e various O n e gave

’
, .
th e m to his servant another left them to get ,
cov e red with dust and find their way to the dust
"
heap e tc, Well now said Lord O verstone

.
‘
, ,
’
what should you say that hat showing his own -
was worth ? H alf a crown sugge sted someone

’
,
’
.
Four and sixpence said Lord O verstone I go ,

’
.
‘
into a hatt e r s select a hat and then ask how much

’
, ,
th e y will allow me for the old one Four and .
sixpence is the answer A nd I immediately .
deposit my old o n e and assume the new This .

’ ‘
will account my father used sagely to observe n o t

,
’
,
‘
for thre e and a half millions b u t for more millions ,
than you can count on your fingers .

’
M y curate who w a s well off said my fath e r

‘ ’
, , ,
B I SH O P B L OM F I EL D 13
‘
was driving me one S unday morning in his dog
cart from S omerby to my chapel at H umby H e .
was a Conservative and hated D issent e rs We ,

.
met a spring cart full of th e m on th e ir way to th e

-
E b e n e zer at Grantham N o w th e r e said h e is ” “

.
, , ,
a parcel of Calvinist fellows going to m e e ting at

Grantham They app e ar he added with orthodox
.
,
”
,
bitterness to have forgotten the D ivine injunction

,
that you shall not work your horse upon the

S abbath T c h k ! kh c hk l and so gave his own
.
w e ll fed handsome beast a stimulating flick in the

-
,
flank ! ’
Bishop Bl o m fi e l d told my father that once when ,
he was B ishop of Chester h e had occasion to ,
summon before him a good tempered dissolute -

, ,
impracticabl e parson whom we will call M r Blank

, .
,
fo r tipsiness M r Blank urged in e xt e nuation

. .
, ,
that such a thing had only very rare ly hap p e n e d

wh e n he was on duty O n duty M r Blank !
‘
.
’ ‘
, .
’
said the Bishop A cl e rgyman is l w ay s on a u ly

. a
’
O n this M r B lank se e m e d illumined by a new idea

. .
‘
A clergyman always on duty ! W e ll now that is , ,
the most beautiful sentiment and the most u n

answerable argument that I e ver met with in my
life ! I trust I shall n e ver forget that —with more
to the same effe ct The Bishop scarcely able to
.
,
keep countenance dismissed him saying I f ever

, , ,
‘
this should occur again I shall have at once to ,

14 R A N D O M R E M I N I SC E N C E S
communicate with you in a more painful way .

’
E xit M r Blank on which the B isho p burst out

.
,
laughing B ut in the midst of his e xplosion a tap

.
is heard at the door M r B lank pops his head in . .
again like Paul Pry and says : Well then my ,

‘
, ,
Lord if anything should occur again you ll dro p

,
’
me a line Exit murmuring A clergym an alw ays

.
’
,
on duty .
’
—
M y father told me he was present in the O ctob e r
t e rm of 1 8 2 9 at S unday evening chapel at Trinity
,
wh e n for t h e last time th e profane trick was practised

—
of putting capsicum o r some such thing— o n th e
Vice M aster s Prayer Book First cam e a loud
-
’
-
.
sn e e ze follow e d by some highly ind e corous ex

,
-
clamation Two or thre e und e rgraduates in t h e

.
secret tittered Then a second roaring sneeze with

.
,
more interj e ctional rhetoric at which t h e titt e r ,
became more general and the officials looked grave

and watchful A nother s n e e e an o t h e r — and z m
another till the chapel was out of all discipline and

W hewell l ooked lik e a baffl e d lion A nother loud .
explosion and e ae y é oay Whewell included was

,
r
’
, ,
overcome and burst into a roar of la ughter after ,
which all subsided .
O n e S unday e vening my father was engaged by

old Canon R epton to read at S t Philip s in place .
’
of himself who had caught cold The R e v J M C

,
. . . . .
Bellew was the preacher and arrived as my father ,

16 R A N D O M R E M I N I S C EN CE S
h e re n t sto our own incomparabl e liturgy I p ut .
u p my hand to hid e a smil e and found I was ,
l e aning against th e monument of S ir Thomas

M ore
’
.
I was s e nt to Westminster S chool in 1 8 7 1 .
.
—
D r S cott was th e H e admaster and a good o n e ,
too H e was I fancy a great e r respect e r of the

.
, ,
old traditions with which the school was moth

eaten than his successor has turned out to be .
A ccordingly the school was a more interesting one

,
in his day though probably it was less prosperous

,
and l e ss educationally e fficacious .
—
The Qu e en s S cholars wore and probably still
’
—
wear th e old e st fashioned collegiat e gown in -
e xistenc e mad e of black cloth with long point e d

,
sl e eves A small bull e t was usually stitched into

.
the extr e mity of e ach of thes e and t h e y w e re call e d ,
‘
bulli e s and employ e d punitiv e ly across th e knuckl e s
,
’
of smaller boys Wh e n e ver a Qu e e n s S cholar .

’
pass e d the oak table in th e drawer of which the

birch e s lay which stood near the top of the big
,
schoolroom he was b o und in honour to strik e it

,
with his bully When at th e end of th e we e k

‘
.
’
a c e rtain number of boys had to be hand e d ( a ‘ ’
rather barbarous punishm e nt in fl ict e d g e nerally for ,
unpunctuality ; it consisted in swishing th e male

factor ov e r the back of his fist in th e presence of
the whole school ) the senior who brought the rods ,
W EST M I N ST ER A N D ET O N 17
to th e H eadmaster never sullied his fingers by

touching them but carried them deftly swathed in
,
the folds of his sl e e ve E very boy carried his own

.
ink bottl e call e d a dip I t was a small ordinary

-
, .
’
white glass bottle with no cork and the ink was ,
contained in a piece of cotton wool O n e soon -

.
became extraordinarily adept a t filling one s pen ’
from an apparently dry gray pi e ce of waste E very

,
.
new boy on j oining the school was allotted a sub ‘
stance ; that is to say a boy in his own form was

’
told off whom h e was to follow like a shadow ‘

,
’
from whom he should l e arn by watching what to do

and where to go and when A lso every new boy .
,
who didn t chance to drift naturally i nto a fight

’
during his first term was matched with another of

about the same size and weight and sent up ,
‘
Green to show what he was made of But I am

’
.
afraid Westminster in m y time did not rank high

in the way of sports R owing was an achi e vem e nt
.
of th e past ; I think it was in 1 8 4 5 that W e stminst e r

last beat E ton on the river B e fore that however .
, ,
she more than held her own Th e re was a l e ge nd .
in my day which I beli e v e to be tru e that the

, ,
colours of both E ton and Westminster w e re origin

ally pink and that a race was rowe d between th e
,
rival e ights to decide which should retain that

colour and which should change to light blue and ,
that Westminster won I think there can be no

.
18 R A N D O M R EM I N I S C EN CES
question that E ton was ae sthetically th e gainer by

the change .
M y father took me on February 2 7 1 8 72 to , , ,
S t Paul s Cathedral to the service of thanksgiving

’
.
for the recovery of the Prince of Wales from typhoid

fever I rem e mber as we made our way along the
.
,
S trand a detachment of Life Guards cam e along

, ,
and a v e ry diminutive Radical contrived to dodge

und e r the arm of a policeman and get into t h e ro ad
alongsid e of these magnific e nt soldi e rs Yo . u
w th l e ss rogu e s ! he e xclaime d e atin y e r e ads

’ ’ ’
‘
u ,
off out of t h e pock e ts of th e worki n man ! W/zo ’
pays for y e r o s e s and y e r e l m e ts and y e r tin

’
r
’
b e lli e s Why I do ! I and th e down trodden

?
,
-
.
workin class e s ! Whil e our wives and childre n are

’
sta a a a rv in you re livin on the fat of t h e land !

- - - -
’
,
’ ’ ’
A t this j uncture a huge trooper dropped his bridl e ,
and without moving a muscl e of his fac e — without

even looking at th e foaming l i ttle orator— clutch e d
him by the middle som e where and h e ld him straight
, ,
out at arm s length without any ap p arent effort th e

’
demagogue twisting and writhing like a worm .
Th e n after proce e ding about tw e nty yards th e

, ,
soldi e r ext e nded his gre at white gloved hand and -
dropped th e littl e fellow into the gutter I nev e r .
saw a crowd better pleased than the onlookers at

this practica l though mute r e j oinder .
I think it was upon a street banner that the well

T WO A R C H B I SH O S P 19
known couplet appeared in reference to H is ,

R oyal
H ighness s recovery
’
P i ra se Go d , f ro m w h o m al l bl i g
e ss n s flo w !
P i ra s e D rs . J e nn e r , G ul l an d L w o e
But th e division of thanks —implying a division of

—
labour reminds me of a sermon upon faith which
always pl e ased my father The most r e markable .
‘
instanc e in history of implicit faith said the preacher ,

’
‘
is the trusting manner in which M os e s undertook
to lead the I sraelites across the burning d e sert
guid e d only by a cloud during the day and a pillar
of fire at night But the judicious law giv e r also
.
-
availed himself of the services of his brother in law - -
H obab who was intimately acquainted with the route

,
across the desert .

’
I crossed from Calais to D over when I was about

fourteen years old with my mother and we had the ,
unique honour of travelling with 60m the Protestant

A rchbishops — Tait and Thomson They were .
brave in all the archiepiscop al panoply of aprons ,
gaiters and rosettes We had a very rough cross

,
.
—
ing s o rough that a very few minutes after w e
had left the French port there came a pre monitory
tap and the window of my mother s deck cabin was
,
’
lowered from outside and the curly bed e cked hat , ,
of the A rchbishop of York discreetly bowed into

the apartm e nt and from b e neath its generous brim
,
2 — 2
a voic e of prid e modulated by charity p roclaimed

, , ,
M y brother of Canterbury has already succumbed

’
and the window was drawn up again .
The captain allow e d me to stand by his sid e on

the bridge I t was one of the old fashioned small
.
-
boats — the F oam perhaps , .
The vessel gave a sudden lurch as we neared

D over and I was thrown over the brass rail
, ,
against which I was l e aning and fell on my head ,
against a brass bound hatchway E verybody was

-
.
most kind I was picked up and bandaged and as

.
,
t h e pass e ngers trooped up t h e gangway at D ov e r
t h e A rchbishop of Canterbury ( recovered from and ,
fortified by the penanc e of sea sickness ) was espe

,
-
c ial l
y good natured in assisting
-
me I had two .
—
impediments a hat box containing a school bo y -
,
top hat and a handbag full of illicit Tauchnitz

-
,
nov e ls The amiable prelate relieved me of the

.
latter not knowing what he did and in blam e less

, ,
error carried the contraband bundle past the

Customs house o fficials who p iously salute d ,
E ngland s supreme ecclesiastic while th e y waylaid

’
his invalid protégé and made m e expose t h e inno ,
c e nt interior of my hat box before th e y would -
inscribe upon it their m é zl oosl al in the form of

’ ’
chalk mark
-
.
C H A PT E R II
I l e ave sc h o o l P l i R y l —T h E x mi —I
— P ari s an d th e a a s o a e e a ne r
m k th a q i t
e ef p mi i g y g m Th
ac u a n an c e o a ro s n ou n an e
S v i l Cl b —B
a e t—R d y d K ip l i g —A v i ll g
u e san d it u ar n a e e or
R b t L o i St v
er —T h R b l i Cl b — Si F d i k
ou s e e n so n e a e a s u r re er c
P l l k d L d H g h t —G g V b l
o oc an or d F
ou i on e or e e na e s an ran c s
G ard e n .
IN 1 8 73 I succeeded in persuading my family that

I was too delicat e to remain at school I accord .
in g l y left W e stminst e r and practically follow e d my ,
own devices for a couple of years I attended a .
few lectures at K ing s College London and went ’
, ,
to a good many theatres ; I also contrived some ,
how o r other to go over frequently to Paris My

, .
favourite theatre there was the Palais R oyal where ,
there was certainly an unrivalled company of

comedians— Geoffroy L H e ritie r Gil Perez H ya ,
’
, ,
c in t h Brasseur and a comparative lad called Las

, ,
souche who I s e e is now seventy som e thing ; h e

, , ,
-
was s e vere ly injured in an accid e nt a little while back ,
I was sorry to see I used to watch these old m e n

.
ov e r t h e ir maz ag ram at the Cent M ille Colonn e s or

one of the cheap restaurants in the Place d u Palais
22 RA N D O M R E M I NI SC EN C E S
R oyal . about five or ten minutes before the

At
ris e of the curtain they would toddl e off to their
theatre and with no mor e alteration in their appear
, ,
ance than was achieved by a daub of vermilion on

e ach cheek and a touch of black to the eyelids ,
they would come on to the stage and keep one in

an almost painful convulsion of laughter till the fall
of the curtain .
I t was at this period that I started writing .
M into who afterwards becam e a Professor at the

,
A berdeen U niversity was editor of the E xa m in e r

, ,
and he used very kindly to give me novels to

r e view B e ing myself barely seventeen y e ars of
.
age I used gen e ra l ly to begin my notices This is

, ,
e vid e ntly the work of a very young writer I sub

’
.
s e qu e ntly became dramatic critic but was presently ,
superannuat e d and retire d cover e d with honour at

, , ,
the age of eighteen The staff of the E xam in r

. e
us e d to fore gather on one e v e ning e v e ry month

under the auspices of th e hospitabl e M into when I ,
used to have the pleasure of me e ting A ndrew Lang ,
E dm u nd Goss e Walter Pollock A , J D u ffi e l d , . .

,
young J ustin M c Carth y and others I once met , .
th e re a singular young man who attracted a good ,
—
deal of attention for a shor t tim e a certain H ector
Gordon H e was about two and twenty H e was
.
- -
.
extremely clever H e had pass e d well for the

.
Civil S ervice he wrote not only for th e E xam in e r ,

24 R A N D O M R E M I N I S CE N C ES
broadcast A s w e walked together along a corridor

.
,
—
or came downstairs or crossed the hall everyone , ,
bowed chambermaids wait e rs boots page clerks , , , , ,
landlord E ven o ther visitors in the hotel caught

.
the infection and slightly inclined th e ir heads

,
.
We had a very pleasant few we e ks in Paris We .
used to ride in the Bois breakfast at V oisin s dine ,

’
at the M aison D oré e go to a theatre and finish our , ,
night at the Café A méricain or Tortoni s ’

.
O n e morning when I called for my friend it —

was about our second week in Paris — I found him
in his dressing gown pacing u p and down his salon -
,
pale with fury and th e manager tr e mbling b e fore ,
him Beli e ve m e sir— I regret very much th e

.
‘
, ,
’
man was saying but it is th e rul e of the hotel to ,

‘
present the bill onc e a week This is already th e .
second week A n d there are the seats for t h e .
theatre and th e saddle hors e s and o n e day when

,
-
, ,
monsieur had come downstairs without his purs e ,
t h e re was an advance from th e ca isse and ,
‘
Very well then said Gordon , B ring me my ,
’
.
‘
S —
bill on aturday this very next S aturday mind ,
and I l l leav e your infernal hot e l and go somewh e re

’
where they know how to behav e A s you p lease

’
.
,
sir said the manager retiring with a rueful ex

,
’
pression Very sorry but it is the rul e of t h e

.
‘
,
hot e l W e ll young man said H ector turning to

.
’ ‘
, ,
’
me with a sunny smil e wh e re shall we ride to day ,

‘
-
A N I N T E R R O GA T O R Y 25
‘
W e re you having a row I ask e d rather need ?
’
lessly . O h no nothing to speak of repli e d my

‘
, ,
’
friend .The fellow was rather cheeky about his

‘
bill B ut I don t know that I shal l r e al ly leave

.
’
them I m very comfortable here

’
.
’
The next d ay I looked in The salon was empty .

,
so I went through to the bedroom There I found .
three chambermaids in tears ; an honest looking -
fellow in a blue apron which reached from his chest

to his toes with a huge p l u me au also wee p ing and
, , ,
the manager in the depths of despair I assure .

‘
you M r G o rrd o n n e he was saying to my fri e nd

, .
,
’
,
who was sitting up in bed an empty stud case in ,

-
his hand all the seven years I have been here

,
‘
never has such a thing happen e d before— never ,
never Then who was it dusted the room yes

‘
,
t e rd ay morning asked Gordon M ais moi

’
? .
‘
,
monsieur said the man servant with the woful

,
’
-
countenance M ais j e me suis pas u n vol e ur moi !

.
‘
,
A h non ! J e suis u n honn e te homme ! A nd h e

’
re laps e d into tears A n d it was I was making .

‘
the bed said one of the girls

,
’
Let them search .
‘
my boxes if they suspect me of this infamy It s .

’ ’
v e ry unfortunate said Gordon I t s not the actual

,
’
.
’
value of the studs ; I don t suppose the three of ’
them are worth more than four or five thousand

francs . But they w e re a present to me from old
‘
Queen I sabella and I have associations with t hem

, .
Well you can go now Let me know when th e

, .
a e nt
g ae
’
s a r e t e ar rives A n d the
’
me l
‘
ancholy .
’
quartette filed out Whil e my friend was dressing .
I couldn t help wondering to n Que n I sabella of

’
y e
S pain should have presented H ector Gordon with

diamond studs and why they should hav e been
,
given in a case bearing the nam e and address of

‘
Tyndal shirtmak e r B rompton R oad London
, , , .
’
H owever the incid e nt appeared to give a fr e sh

,
fi ll ip to my friend s credit at t h e M irabeau for his

’
bill was not pr e sent e d during the r e maining te n

days of his stay ; and it must have amount e d to far
mor e than the value of th e box or two he left
b e hind when a tel e gram suddenly call e d him to
Turin .
The next I heard of my hospitable but misguided

young friend was a few years lat e r I learnt that .
th e re was a h u e and cry after him and that he was ,
being chas e d by the police of all nations from capital

to capital from pillar to post A n d at ias t they
, .
caught him and he got five years p e nal servitud e

,
’
.
Time went on as is its wont and I rarely gave a

, ,
-
thought to the ill starred H ector Gordon and his -
singularly curtailed care er wh e n one evening soon , ,
after eleven as I was walking up the H aymark e t

, ,
and the audience were pouring out of the theatre ,
I caught sight of him H e was faultlessly dressed . ,
and as we mutually recognised one another he

T H E SA VI L E CL UB 27
dropped his eyes and hurri e d down the street I .
pursued him and slapped him on the back H ow .
are you H ector I exclaimed

,
? ’
I t s awfully good
.
‘ ’
of you to speak to me he replied with some ,

’
emotion . O n the contrary

‘
I said ,
it s awfull y
’
,
‘ ’
good of y ou to speak to me You ve done your .

’
five years I haven t done mine ’

.
’
I t must have been in about 1 8 75 that the com

m itt e e of the S avile C lub paid me th e honour of
election Their house was th e n in S avile R o w
. .
I beli e ve the S avile was originally a doctors club

’
.
I know there was a superstition prevalent among

the non s c ie n tifi c members that the smoking room
- -
at the back of the house with its top light had in

, ,
its time served as a dissecting room and that the -

,
physiological members used to fill in their spare

moments after lunche o n or tea by a little desul t ory
autoptical investigation I f t h e sealing wax were
.
-
missing from the writing room we o b stinately sus

-
,
p e c t e d it had been used by the hall port e r to display -
the arterial system of som e surreptitious subj ect

that the doctors must have smuggled in at some
time when they had the club to themselv e s .
T h e club j est e r was old D u ffi e l d a most convivial ,
and e ntertaining companion with a M ichael A ngelo

head H e had travelled a gre at d e al and seen
.
,
many things and got to beli e ve h e had se e n a g reat

,
many more We were all sincerely sorry when he

.
28 R A N D O M R E M I N I SC EN CE S
di e d Walter Besant us e d g e nerally to lunch with

.
us once a week H e was extraordinarily kind in

.
e ncouraging me to write ; that is to say the gr e at ,
kindness he showed and the pains he took would

have been extraordinary in anyone els e But Besant .
,
who was a very busy man could always find time ,
to help those who sought him even strangers I , .
told him that I could sit down and write a review of

a nov e l where the lines to go upon w e r e all ready
laid down but that I had not the faintest id e a how
,
to sit down and launch into a story Lay out your .
e —
writing mat e rials said B sant plenty of paper
,
’ ‘
and blotting pap e r and ink and pens ; then mak e it

-
a rule to sit in front of these ev e ry morning from

elev e n till one You ll soon find y o u leav e to write
.
’
in she e r desperation I did as he told me and I .

’
,
soon acquired a fatal facility But his g o odness did .
not stop there H e re ad through half a dozen of

.
—
my stori e s in manuscript that is to say in actual ,
handwriting for typewriters were not in those

,
days available — and ad vised me as to placi ng

th e m.
I remember one of the stori e s — A S u p e rio r ‘

.
A nimal which was syndicat e d by B esant s abl e ‘ ’ ’

-
friend M r Watt ; that is to say it appeared in a

, .
,
number of local papers in diffe rent parts of the

country so that I received about four tim e s as much
,
for it as I should have been paid by any solitary

R UD YA R D KI P L I NG 29
editor I was correcting a proof of this e ffort in the

.
s o litude of the card room one afternoon when R u d

-
,
yard K ipling came in and asked to look at it H e .
spoke most kindly of the tale but had many sug ,
gestions to make with regard to the telling D on t .

’
you see how much stronger that would b e he

asked after suggesting an excision and a t rans p o s i
tion . D y o mind if I alter it
’
u A n d so saying , ,
h e whipped out a pencil and set to work ; and

having onc e put his hand to the plough so to speak , ,
h e pers e vered and in a few minut e s th e whol e virgin

,
expanse of p roof was furrowed and ho e d and har

rowed and manured and top dressed by the mast e r -
.
I packed up and despatched the corrected sheet

there and then .
The result was unexpected I received a most .
abusive letter from the editor saying that if I ,
imagined his compositors had nothing better to do

than to try and decipher Chin e se puzzl e s I was
grav e ly mistaken ; that th e y had been put to great
inconvenience to fill in at th e last moment the space
my story should have occupied that they certainly
shouldn t use it now and w e re extrem e ly sorry they
’
had paid for it ; and that th e y were writing to

M r Watt to complain
. I had not the Christianity
.
to write and tell the editor that what he was dis

carding as worthless rubbl e was in reality sparkling , ,
with Kipling nuggets .

A S uperior A nimal a p peared also in th e B r isl ol

Time s a d M ir r o r
n I t had ( originally ) a most
.
artistic unconventional and thrilling finish of which

, , ,
I was d uly proud When I s aw it in the W e st

.
Country paper I found an entirely unauthorized ,
commonplace and impotent conclusion which

, ,
annoyed me exc e ssively I wrote accordingly an .

, ,
icy letter to th e o ffic e asking how it c ame about ,
that the t e rmination of a story app e aring over my

nam e had been alt e re d without my sanction I .
r e c e iv e d a curt not e from th e sub e ditor saying t hat -

,
h e didn t know who I was that the only individual

’
h e r e cognis e d in the transaction was M r Watt ; .
and that h e put an end to th e story b e cause it

‘
didn t appear to have one I wrote back and said

’
.
’
D EA R S I R ,
‘
village editor has no more right t o
T he
adulterate a story than the village grocer has to
sand th e sugar though I am aware that the custom
,
pre vails in both cases .

’
This closed the correspondence .
I remember t h e first time I saw R obert Louis

S tevenson at the S avile his get u p was per fectly ‘
-
astounding H is hair was smooth and parted in

.
the middle and fell beyond the collar of his co at ;

he wore a black flannel shirt with a curious knitted , ,
anyo ne approached on th e side walk he would ‘

-
’
make a start and place his hand sharply behind his

right hip as if about to draw a r e volver ( though he
didn t possess such a thing in the world) wh e r e at
’
the stranger would turn deadly pale and hold up

both hands ov e r his head ; upon which S t e v e nson
would mutter incohere ntly and reel on I t was by .
the mercy of God he was not shot dead .
I was in his company at the moment that he con

c e iv e d the ge rm of th e idea o f D r J ekyll and ‘
.
M r H yd e H e was inv e ighing against a man

’
. .
with whom he had done business and with whos e

methods h e was dissatisfied T h e man s name was .
’
S amuel Cr e ggan or something lik e it He s a ‘ ’

.
,
man who trades on the S amuel S tevenson declared ,

’
in his rather fi n ikin musical S cot s voice , He ’

.
‘
receiv e s you with S amuel s smil e on his face ; with ’
the gesture of S amuel he invites you into a chair ;

with S amu e l s ey e s cast down in s e lf depr e ciation he
’
-
t e lls you how well satisfied his cli e nts hav e always
b e e n with his d e alings ; but e very n o w and again
o u catch a glimps e of t h e Creggan p e eping out lik e
“
y
a white ferret Creggan s the r e al man ; S am uel s
.
’ ’
only superficial .
’
I once heard a cel e brat e d pr e acher at Trinity

Church S loan e S treet deliver a very e loquent
, ,
sermon on the text of S tevenson s fabl e The ’

.
fervour with which he dilated upon the two natures

TH E R ABE A I S C U B L L 33
that exist in everyone and upon man s impotence

,
’
sometimes to control the ascendancy of the H yde

sid e ov e r the J ekyll side recurred vividly to my
‘ ’
,
mind a little while lat e r when the unhappy clergy

man was brought before his Bishop and given three
hours in which to pack up and leave the country o n
account of his evil life .
B e sant and the Pollocks and a fe w other members

of the S avi l e starte d a dinner club to which I b e ,
longed call e d the R ab e lais I t was a very pl e asant

, .
little association until it grew large and priggish when ,
it pres e ntly died of stiff n e c k e d ne s s When I rving

-
.
decided to go to A merica it was the R abelais Club

,
which gave him his first farewell dinner The late .
S ir Fred e rick Pollock was in the chair and Lord ,
H oughton was a distinguished guest The chair .
man rose and in the m e asured somewhat nasal

, , ,
tones which many of us remember with affection ,
d e livered an old fashion e d scholarly and admirably

-
, ,
balanced panegyric on our gre at tragedian But .
the dinner had been unduly prolong e d and Lord

“
H oughton had evidently become bore d with th e

banquet H e was sitting back in his chair mouth
.
ing in a droll way h e had and passing his hand ,
wearily over his head backwards and forwards ,
which was a favourite trick of his A t last S ir .
Frederick got to his peroration But after all where .

, ,
is our friend I rving going H e is no going like the ‘

z ,
3
34 R A N D O M R EM I N I SC E N C ES
intre pid Captai n N ares to fac e the rigours of the,
A rctic Z one to brave the p e rils of icebergs and p o l ar

,
b e ars in search of the N orth Pol e ; h e is n ot g 0ing to

China to enchant and soften the heart of th e cru e l
C e l e stial by the magic o f his art ; he is n ol going to
t h e A ntipodes wh e r e if we are to b e liev e tradition
, , ,
peopl e are in the habit of A t this moment

Lord H oughton — who as a rule had the most p erfe ct
, ,
m an n e rs o f any man in London — was overcom e by

‘
impati e nce and exclaimed

, O f cours e h e isn t ‘ ’
.
’
—
H e s going to A merica to th e city of N e w York .
H e s going by the Cunard ; it ll take him just about

’ ’
a week Poor S ir Fred e rick was so flabb e rg ast e d

.
’
that h e was unabl e to get back into th e stream of

his discours e H e m e re ly mutt e re d Let us drink
.
,
h e alth and prosperity and a safe re turn to our friend

H enry I rving and sat down with a clouded brow
,
’
.
The men of that g e neration — v e rbal epicures like

the late S ir Frederick Pollock like Georg e S tovin ,
Ve nables and the R e v Francis Garden w e re

,
— .
e xt rem e ly impatient of int e rruption I rememb e r .
once at dinner in a country house M r Venables had .
be e n the last to come down H e commenc e d as .

,
soon as we had finished o r soup to describ e how u ,
his watch had b e e n at fault and how h e had ,
sudd e nly discovere d he was late for dinn e r I .

‘
e xtinguished the candle in my room he went on ’
to say ! and hurried along the corridor guiltily

, ,
V ENA B L ES A N D G A R D EN 35
conscious that I should in all probability prove to

be the last A t the end of th e passage however
r
.
, ,
I came to a short staircas e and in the dim light I ,
perceived there was a corre sponding flight opposite

to me and that a companion in misfortune was
,
hurrying down like myself two steps at a tim e , ,
eager to curtail as far as possibl e the inco nvenienc e

our hostess might be suffering I paused for a .
s e cond and so did he

, I am relieved to find sir . , ,
”
I exclaimed that I have a fellow c u l p rit to shar e

,
“ -
'
the re proaches which unpunctuality undoubtedly

prov okes M y o is a o is preserved a churlish
”
- -
.
sil e nce .
’
M r Garden who was getting tired of this

.
,
anecdote h e re chim e d in : I suppose it turned

,
‘
out to be a looking glass -
Mr Venables gave an almost imperceptible

.
winc e but proceeded without appearing to hear

, ,
the interruption I trust I am not taking too gr e at

a libe rty sir I went on in venturing to j est with
, , ,
a strange r I f so pray accept my apologies

? I , .
”
advanced he appeare d to do the same and I

, ,
discovered I was fac e to face with

‘
With a looking glass ! exclaimed M r Garden -
’
.
again . O f course !
‘
I knew what was coming !
’
‘
With a m ir ro r ” said M r Venabl e s with em . .
phatic asp e rity determined not to admit that he had

,
been anticipat e d .
C H A PT E R III
— h n - —
Cam b ri d g e T e o g h ai re d A c h ae an s T h e
l f
re e -
th i ki
n ng stu d e n t
a d
n t h e Se i o r
n D a
e n — The ‘
Buc k s B an k —A n v
a e rte d
m i sal l i an c e —A Cam b ri d g e i —I
r ot i
n s tru c t o n in th e u se of
th e tru n c h e o n b y th e l ate M aste r o f T r n i i ty—My U i v i ty n e rs
i i ti —M y
d st nc on u nc l e —
J o se ph W e sto n s ’
w l k th gah C m ro u a
b i d g —D i k M as o n s—C ri c k e t F e nn e r s—M y an n u al
’ ’ ‘
r e c at
v g
a e ra e
IT was in the O ctober of 1 8 75 that I went to

Trinity Coll e ge Cambridge A lthough the details
, .
of U niv e rsity life may vary from generation to

generation its broad lin e s probably remain much
the sam e A n d into however many little coteries
.
undergraduates may elect to group themselves ,
there must always be the two main divisions

those who work and those who play There have .
been of course rare but conspicuous instances of

, ,
men who have excelled in their Triposes as well as

in the sports but as a rule in my time the reading , ,
men confined their exercise to a long walk or a pull

on the river while the sporting enthusiasts were
,
content to put themselves in the hands of Big ‘
S mith ( now alas ! no more ) who would generally

, ,
T H E C H I T CH A T C U B
-
L 37
succeed in j ust l u ffi ng them safe into the harbour of

an ordinary degree The principal relaxation of the
.
scholars appeared to be political discussion There .
was a society called the Chit Chat Club which

'
-
,
met once a week in the rooms of one or other of

—
its members to discuss a prearranged subj ect social ,
political or philosophical I t was an offshoot I

, . ,
fancy of another debating society called the

,
M agpie and S tump where the lat e Lord Colin

,
Campbell two of the Balfours S pring R ice

, , ,
M acaulay Parker S mith R ichmond R itchi e and

, , ,
others were shining lights T h e sporting under

, .
graduates ent e rtained a poor O p inion of the long ‘
haired division as those were called who cultivated

,
’
th e ir intellects sometim e s to the n e glect of their

appearance and manners while these held the ,
former in at least e qual contempt E ach had their .
faults and merits and the e xtremists of eith e r

,
‘ ’
party were equally ridiculous But I notice now .

,
that about a quarter of a century has passed that ,
quite as many of the hare brained set have achieved

-
eminence and distinction in politics and the learned

profe ssions as of those who looked on the Tripos as
the Ul tima T/ ml e of their ambition .
M althus R o y was an exaggerated type of th e se

young philosophers H e affect e d a brown velveteen
.
coat and a peacock blue tie which gave him th e

-
,
appearanc e of an ae sthetic poacher I heard him .

remark on one occasion For seven years I was a ,
cynic but R uskin cured me A s he was th e n only

,
.
’
twenty the cure was presumably a recent one O n e

,
.
day M althus R o y rec e ived to his great disg ust the , ,
ordinary print e d notification from his D e an the ,
R e v E H S taunton stating that he app e ared to

. . .
,
have been irre gular in his attendanc e at chapel and ,
requesting that he would be more re gular for the

future This is too p reposterous exclaim e d
.
M althus I t is incredible that such meddlesom e

.
‘
sacerdotalism should be permitt e d in this nin e t e enth

century I v e no doubt S taunton is a w e ll m e aning
.
’
-
,
consci e ntious man according to his lights ; but let

,
him confine hims e lf to his own little sph e re H ow .
dare he e ndeavour to control my liberty of con

sci e nc e ? I suppos e one o f us suggest e d it s
’ ‘
,
’
,
‘ ’
—
his duty in a way poor chap to try and enforc e ,
-
,
as far as he can th e disciplinary rules of the college

, .
’
I t s not a question of discipline retorted M althus ;

’ ’
it s a question of e thics The only way I can see

’
.
to put an end to this pestering is simply to writ e to

him once and for all and tell him that religious
,
problems have had th e i r proper share among others , ,
of my serious study and consideration and discover ,
to him the conclusions to which I hav e arriv e d .

’
I t s an awful responsibility said another of R oy s

’ ’ ’
fri e nds after a moment s silence to upset a man s

,
’
,
‘ ’
—
religion however puerile and inadequate you may
40 R A N D O M R E M I N I S CEN C ES
matters I n th e first plac e it mus t be pat e nt to

.
,
anyone endowed with ordinary pow e rs of reason

ing etc .
A nd he gradually unfolded his views A t this .
distanc e of tim e I forget what they were and so ,
most likely has b e They w e re c e rtainly atheistic

.
,
and a good deal flavoured with D arwinism D on t .

’
-
don t send it pleaded more than one of us ; or
’
,
’ ‘
at all events modify it Poor S taunton ! he s not

, .
’
a bad fellow M althus only smil e d superciliously

.
’
,
stuck u p his letter and bad e his bed mak e r s e e to

,
-
its d e livery O n the following morning he receiv e d

.
t h e following brief reply from the D e an
D EA R S I R ,
quite agree with you that there is a time
I
in e very man s life wh e n he must think for hims e lf
’
with re gard to re ligious matters B t you must . u
allow me to question whether that p e riod has b e e n

reach e d by an undergraduate in his second y e ar of
re sid e nce I must accordingly rep e at my r e qu e st
.
that you will be more careful in conforming with

t h e rul e s of the c o ll e g e .
I remain d e ar sir , ,
Yours very truly ,
E H S TA U N T ON S enior D e an
’
. . .
,
As a contrast to M althus R o y , ther e was a

C A R D S A T CA M B R I D G E 41
cons p icuous character in th e fast ‘ ’

—
set young
H ugh R a e ll H is only conspicuous fault was
zz .
that he was rather more astute than became his

tender years H e was at M agdalene if I recollect
.
,
rightly rather a sporting college in those days

, .
A lthough his allowance from home cannot hav e

been more than 5 2 50 or £ 30 0 a year he belonged
2 ,
to all the extravagant cl u bs in the U niversity ; he

was always faultlessly dre ss e d and he kept a pony ,
and trap H e made no secret of his way of in

.
creasing his income — a method which would not

hav e b e e n tolerated in anyon e less amus i ng and
accomplished H e made a book and op e nly laid a
.
,
point under the odds to any amount But to an .
undergraduate it is a matter of v e ry little moment

whether he is laid sixes or fives and H ugh was ,
always to be found and always to be depended on

to pay if he lost I n addition to this H ugh kept
.
,
what was practically a hell That is to say h e

‘
.
’
had a magnificent dinner for e ight or ten sent in

e very evening from B re u v e t s to which all were ’
w e lcome on the understanding t hat they played

‘
bank ( which was practically tr e nte e t quarante)
’
- -
aft e rwards H ugh of course was bank e r I

.
, , .
forget how the Cambridge way of playing differed

fr o m the M ont e Carlo game I think it was in cas e
.
of an ap r s But I know that th e odds were w e ll

‘
e .
in favour of th e bank I n my time the play was

.
42 R A N D O M R EM I N I S C E N C E S
very high I once saw a boy of one and twenty

.
- -
put down in one stak e H e is now a well .
to do merchant with a large family O ne night

-
. ,
when play was exp e cted to be high R oddi e ,
M uggridg e (t h e son of Lord Muggridge) shared

a bank w ith H ugh They d e clare d a bank of a
.
hundred pounds fifty each and play began B t

, , . u ,
by some e xtraordinary chanc e on t his particular ,
occasion fortune favoure d the players I n a v e ry .
short time th e bank was broken A ft e r a consulta .
tion b e tween th e partners H u gh proposed that t h e

,
players should giv e the bank a chanc e that t h e y

‘
,
’
should continue to punt against an unlimit e d bank

which would pay in pap e r r e deemable n e xt day .
But luck was dead against H ugh and R oddie and ,
at midnight when th e party broke up ( R a e l l and

,
zz
M uggridge lived in lodgings ) th e y had lost anoth e r

pounds The next morning I call e d
.
on H ugh R a e ll at about nin e o clock

zz He ’
.
was sitting cheerful and rosy making a hearty

, ,
breakfast with the Spor ting L ife propped against

,
t h e teapot in front of him We chatt e d o n g e n e ral

.
to p ics wh e n sudd e nly th e re ent e red to us R oddi e

,
M uggridge H e was still in his evening c lothes

.
,
and his e yes were swollen Poor little boy ! he .
had b e en crying all night .
O h H ugh he moane d what ar e we to do ? ’
, ,
‘
M y d e ar chap sit down said H ugh kindly
, ,
’
.
A D EBT O F H O N O U R 43
H ave a brandy and soda What s your troubl - -

.
’
e ?
Can t you find th e ready ?

’ ’
I shall have to ask my governor for it H e ll

‘ ’
.
pay up at last I m certain But goodness knows

,
’
.
how long he ll tak e A n d we ve got to weigh in

’
.
’
this aft e rnoo n .

’
H ow much time do you want asked H ugh

? ’
,
unlocking a d e spatch box and producing a bill -

,
s tamp which chanced to be there Three months .

,
six months ? ’
D y o u mean to say y ou can manag e it for me

’
’
?
cri e d R oddi e I say you a r e a good chap !

.
‘
,
Three months will b e ampl e I e xp e ct t h e .
gov e rnor will s e nd it in a fe w days only he may ,
have to s e ll out or som e thing .

’
‘
There you are said H ugh J ust write th e
,
’
.
‘
acc e ptance across there That s it .

’
.
’
A n d he returned the bill to his d e spatch box -

.
‘
I shall never forget your kindness H ugh , ,
nev e r said R o ddie as he wrung his friend by the ,
hand .
A little lat e r H ugh R a e l l a ssembled his guests zz
of th e pre vio u s night Look here you fe llows h e .

‘
, ,
’
e xclaim e d with a winning smile I think we all ‘

, ,
rath e r lost our h e ads last night You play e d on to .
do us a good turn and it happened just t h e oth e r ,
way about H owev e r I m not going to ask for any

.
,
’
favours only £ 1 2 0 0 s a lot of mon e y and wants

, ,
’
,
a bit of finding so I thought I d just ask you which ,

’
you d prefer
’
8 0 0 ready down on the nail in full ,
‘
discharge of course ; or one bill for 6 00 at three

,
months and anoth e r at six with in t ere st for k e eping

, ,
you waiting if you like ? The first offer of £ 8 00

,
’
was accepted with acclamation and as the party ,
broke up each with his thirteen and fourpenc e in

,
t h e pound all spoke in the high e st terms of R a e l l

,
zz .
D evilish straight chap old H ugh ! But the ’

‘
,
shrewd young financier stuck to p oor old Lord

M g g rid g e s £ 6 0 0 when it duly arrived in t h e
’
u
course of a coupl e of posts .
Finch s were the lodgings where H ugh and

’
R oddie lived and I think one o r two oth e r young

,
dandies They were the smart lodgings at that

.
tim e .There was a parlour maid th e re call e d -
S abina Tebbs a very pr e tty girl and I beli e ve a , ,
very good girl too The impressionabl e R oddie , .
fell d e sperately in love with her and at last fe ll

’
upon his knees one day when she was clearing away ,
t h e remains of luncheon and J ove like proposed , ,

-
,
marriage to her in a show e r of crumbs Then .
came the task of breaking the news to his fath e r ( I

wonder if Lord Muggridge has preserved all his
son s correspondence during his pupilage at Cam
’
bridge H e too k considerabl e pains over th e

letter which he was determined should b e r e spect
,
ful but firm H e said in t he course of it

.
AN A V ER T ED M I SA L L I A NC E 45
I am conscious that you may consider the step I

am taking to be unconven tional — that you may at first
d e em the apparent difference of rank between M iss
T e bbs and myself a serious obstacle But I would .
nev e r submit to an alliance of policy The heart is . ,
aft e r all the truest guide A n d although should you

, .
,
d e cid e to consent to our union I shall dearly esteem ,
and prize your approval I may say at once with all

, ,
filial resp e ct that should y o u e lect to oppose it

, ,
your disapprobation will be absolutely indiffe rent

to me and your expostulations will fall upon d e af
,
ears. M iss Tebbs loves me f o r my se lf r e gard ,
less o f my family ( though I am sure my mother

and E rm y n tru d e will take to her at once ) and ,
I love h e r f or ne rse lf regardless of her family

, .
We shall be married this day month M iss Tebbs ,
—
S abina having intimat e d to M r and M rs Finch . .
that her relatio n s with them will cease on that day .
Trusting that as a man of the world you will s e e

, ,
that I am acti ng wisely in doing as I feel inclined ,
I r e main
‘
,
Your affectionate and dutiful son

‘
,
’
‘
ROD D I E .
S abina sends love to all ’

.
Lord M uggridge read this filial effusion with his

oth e r l e tters at breakfast th e fo llowing morning .
H e betrayed no emotion did not mention its ,

46 R A N D O M R E M I N I SCEN C E S
purport to his family but after a very solid break , ,
fast h e went into his study and rang for th e butl e r

, ,
an old functionary who had been in th e family for

ov e r thirty years O h J arman said his l o rdshi p ‘ ’
.
, ,
carel e ssly there s a l e tte r th e re from Mast e r

‘ ’
R oddi e J ust attend to it will you

. V e ry good ,
‘
,
my lord said th e old servant

,
’
.
The H on R odney M uggridg e must be getting on

.
for fifty now H e has an accomplish e d wife of his

.
own rank and a quiv e rful of beautiful childre n

,
ranging in ag e from twenty fi v e to thre e H e has -

.
diplomatically re pres e nt e d his country in various

parts of the world But I doubt if he has ever fe lt .
small e r or more ridiculous than at th e moment wh e n

t h e door of his Cambridg e sitting room open e d and -
—
admitt e d not an unforgiving pare nt bubbling over
wi t h anathema but th e old family bu tl e r w h o only
, ,
\
a fe w y e ars b e fore had dandled him on his kn e e ‘

,
’
b e aming with faithful defe rential patronag e Now ,

.
th e n M ast e r R oddi e h e said with a broad grin

’
, , , ,
‘
whatever l u d ic ke ro u s n e s s hav e you be e n up to
t/e is time ? What further st e ps t h e old s e neschal
’
took I don t know But a w e e k or two later

,
’
.
S ab ina Tebbs charmin g ly attire d was attracting a

, ,
fashionable cliente le to a sel e ct littl e divan at Weston

super M are ( in which town she presently married
-
a v e terinary surge on ) and R oddi e was cruising ,
about the isles of Gre e ce in his uncl e s yacht ’

.
48 R A N D O M R E M I N I SC EN CES
him on the spot but the majority decided he should

,
have a fair trial S o w e tied him up and locked

.
him up in a neighbouring coach house and re turn e d -

,
to the Forum to decide upon his punishment I .
think the maj ority w e re in favour of hanging him

at once T h e sugge stion of first disembowelling
.
him obtained only a v e ry few supporters mostly ,
students for th e H istory Tripos S udd e nly th e re .
a p peare d on a w in d o w sill of the Guildhall Mr M ort -

.
lock the banker who appeared as a kind of M arcus

, ,
A ntonius only earli e r in the proc e edings than his

,
august predecessor Gentlemen what do you .

,
want cri e d M r M ortlock A n d four hundred

? ’
. .
throats yelled in answer D eath The effect was

weird in th e extreme Then t h e banker proceeded .
to expostulate in tactful terms and to end e avour to ,
pacify us A t least such was his apparent obj e ct

.
, ,
but we presently discovered his harangue was a

ruse For whil e h e was engaging our attention by
.
his hon e y e d words the M ayor s servants were ’
staving op e n th e door of th e coach hous e fro m -

,
which they succeeded in rescuing their trembling

master and a minute later the carriage and pair was
,
tearing at full gallop towards the j ob master s -

’
mansion A wild shriek r e nt the air D eath s

.
,
‘ ’
got loose ! and off we tore in pursuit The house

’
.
stood back from th e road I t was surrounded .

,
indeed by a small park enclosed by park railings

,
.
A R I OT 49
The gates wer e locked and bolted as soon as the

carriage had passed through But the iron
.
palings went down like matchwood at the impact

of the 400 undergraduates We tore up t h e
.
slight incline of turf and were met by a line of

,
police consta b les with drawn staves Fo r a few

.
minutes there was some really hard fighting .
S everal lay stunned with broken heads and the ,
mob of students were becoming maddened into a

real ly dangerous fury when suddenly there appeared
,
a small figure clad in a long black silk gown with

fluttering white bands at his neck I t was a .
Proctor From sheer force of habit every und e r

.
,
graduate took to his heels The magisterial

.
presence of this mild little D o n effected wha t the

truncheons of the police had failed to do H is .
moral force entirely routed us .
The following day re inforcements of police

arrived from London . The authorities app re
hended that the rioting might be renewed and ,
p e rhaps on a larger scale and in a better organized

-
manner N otices were put up in the various

.
colleges inviting such undergraduates as favoured

law and order to enrol themselves as special
constables . A n d —
here since I am pledged to tell
—
the truth I must make a confession I t was not .
from fear or out of respect for the U niversity

authorities ; for with the exception of D r T h o m p
, .
4
—
son the M aster of H —
Trinity and th e Re v . E . .
S taunton S e nior D ean o f that coll e ge I revered

, ,
n o ne of them I t was not that my indignation

.
at the tyranny of the M ayor or my sympathy with ,
my fellow revolutionists had diminished ; I think

-
,
I was mainly actuated by a d esire to own a

truncheon and a blue striped armlet But I des e rted -
.
the cause of fre e dom and ap p li e d to be sworn in as

,
a sp e cial A s I was the only undergraduate who

‘
.
’
did how e ver th e id e a of forming an amateur police

, ,
force was abandoned .
I br e akfasted with D r Thompson at the Lodg e .
one morning at about this p eriod A breakfast .
with the M aster was always an alarming function ;

—
but he was such a charming host although h e
never forgot nor allow e d his young guests to
,
—
forg e t his position that his parties are delightful
,
to look back upon H e was a tall remarkably .

,
handsome old man with a strongly lin e d face a -

,
rather olive complexion silv e r whit e hair and h e avy ,

-
,
black e yebrows I should not think that anyon e

.
had ever presumed to take a liberty with him H e .
told me that fi e had once been enrolled as a special

constable and he described to me the truncheon
,
drill he had been taught You first with the .

‘
,
tip of your stave strike your man sharply under

,
t h e chin he said that causes him to stick out

’
his stomach ; you then give him a thrust in the

TH E W I N CH EST ER P R I Z E 51
middle which doubl e s him up ; you th e n strike

,
him as hard as you can on the back of th e head ,
and then he should give you no more trouble .

’
M y father r e membered a private theatrical per

fo rman c e at Cambridge when they were all under
,
graduates in which Thompson played R omeo to

,
the J uliet of R obert M onckton M ilnes —afterwards

—
Lord H oughto n the Bird of Paradox as M rs‘
,
’
.
N orton called him A n d he could recall when the

.
Tripos lis t was published m e e t l ng Thompson in the

,
O l d Court in bitter tears because he was only fourth

classic !
M y solitary U niversity distinction was the Win

chester R eading Prize th e competition for which
,
took place in the S enate H ouse I t was open to .
all the U niversity There was one s e t subj ec t

.
H ooker s S ermons if I recoll e ct rightly There

’
, .
were over a hundred competitors E ach of us .
had to mount a rostrum and read the same page

in turn which was rath e r unfair on him who came
,
first who happened to be mysel f Then we each

, .
had to read a portion of the O l d Testament then ,
a piece of S hakespeare then a piece of prose , .
A fter this we were turned out for an hour At .
the end of that time we came back to find posted

on the doors a list of the best fifty and these ,
had to return and read in the same way a bit of

the N e w Testament bits of poetry and so forth
, ,
.
4
— 2
A fter this there was a further s e l e ction of a still

smaller numb e r Finally on th e occasion I s peak
.
,
of the first and second prizes w e re mad e into

,
o n e and e qually divided betw e en me and anoth e r .
T h e U niversity in due course s e nt m e a ch e que

for I think
,
I 5— to be spent in the purch ase
,
of books I am afraid I acted dishonestly ; for I

.
sent a dozen old books which I had been oblige d ,
to buy for my Tripos to be newly bound on ,

‘
credit and spent the £1 5 in riotous living When

,
’
.
I called as I had to do upon one of the examiners

, ,
he was also a Proctor — a Mr Torry of J ohn s

( )
’
.
,
with the books to obtain his order to have them

stamped with the U niversity A rms he e ntered ,
into a very friendly conversation with m e H e .
told me I was very n e arly turn e d out with the

first batch b e cause the examiners detected in my
reading of R ichard H ook e r ( and I am not surpris e d )
that I had not made a deep st udy of that learned and
j udicious divin e s works A lso that they consid e red
’
.
my reading of th e S criptures rather too dramatic

that I had given di ffe rent voic e s to the various per
s o n a e s which was considered almost irrev e rent I
g , .
assured him that if I had don e so it was unconsciously

which was the truth Your n a me is familiar
.
,
to m e M r Bro o k fi e l d said the D o n as he wrote

, .
,
’
out the order H ave y ou by any chance a relation

.
— o f about my ag e — o f the name of J oseph ? We

A M EET I N G WITH A P R O CT O R 53
w e re at school together as boys and I saw a good ,
d e al of him for a tim e before I took up my F e llow

,
ship H e settled in N e w Z ealand tw e lve or fift e en

.
years ago and I v e heard nothing of him since

,
’
.
’
N o w I had no opinion one way or the other as to

, , ,
whether I had such a connection or not : my answer

might or might not be true But out of a mixed .
fe e ling of nervousness and a d e sire to be affable ‘
I r e plied : O h yes sir I t must be my uncle a

,
— .
younger brother of my father s D e ar me ! that s

’
.
’ ’
m os t interesting said M r Torry D id you know

’
. .
,
him at all I v e no very distinct recollection of

’
him I ans w ered quit e truthfully this time

,
’
,
I can .
‘
only hav e been four or five years old wh e n he left

E ngland A h of course yes ! I forg o t r e pli e d
’ ‘ ’
’
. , , ,
the tutor A very good fellow he was E ccentric

. .
—
s e nsitive brusqu e in his manner but a thoroughly
good heart e d genuin e man A n d I went away
-
, .
’
,
feeling a glo w of prid e for my putative kinsman .
S ome months aft e rwards — I think it was the

—
following term I was hurrying home to Trinity
along J esus Lane I t was nearly midnight and I
.
,
was without a cap and gown when I caught sight ,
of a whit e banded Proctor coming towards m e

-
,
accompani e d by his bull dogs Flight was im -

.
possible Luckily I recognis e d the R e v M r Torry

.
, . .
of J ohn s so I ran up to him and with an u n

’
, , ,
scru p ulousness bred of peril I exclaimed bre ath ,

lessly : O h M r Torry I v e j ust had a letter from

‘
, .
,
’
U ncle J os e ph ! H is whole face lighted up at ’
onc e You aon e say so he exclaimed as he

.
‘ ’ ’ ‘
r e cognised me We ll well ! and how is th e old .

‘
,
chap ? Won de rf u l ly w e ll I repli e d

’
A little ,
’
.
‘
rheumatism last wint e r but not e nough to lay him ,

(
up .
’
A h ! that h e was always liable to said ,
’
M r Torry ; though he added with a wag of the

.
‘
,
’
head I v e always had a private impression it was

,
‘ ’
g o a t rather than rheumatism Your uncle wasn t a .

’
careful man A h but that s all changed now

.
’ ‘
,
’
I exclaimed with the desperation of a S h ah ra ad z .
H e s very well look e d after now H e s mar r ie d

’
.
’
You d on t say so ! cri e d M r Torry J oseph

’ ’
.
married ! What next ! B ut how lately ? Five ’
or six years ago I replied There are three ,

’
.
‘
children —two boys and a girl The girl s very .

’
d e licate poor little thing ! S he s causing them a

,
’
good deal of anxiety D ear dear dear ! ex .

’
, ,
’
claimed M r Torry sympat hetically . Let s hope .

’
she ll grow out of her weakness as she grows

’
old e r By the way he added rather shyly w e

.
— ,
’
had reached the end of the lane you re e r not — — ’
in your acad e mical costume N o sir I know

’
7 ” ‘
, , ,
I rejoined ; but I thought you d be glad to have

’
‘
news of U ncle J oseph Good night sir He .

-
,
.
’
raised his cap and I ran home The excellent man , .
never fined me .
S hortly b e fo re five a littl e party hov e in sight the ,
athl e te in his unmistakabl e v e lvet suit his wid e ,
b rimmed hat jauntily cock e d walking with an e asy

,
swing fresh as paint His trainer b e side him carri e d

, .
a bowl of water and occasionally flick e d a fe w drops

,
in his face or t e nderly sponged his mouth I n a .
dogcart alo ngsid e sat a grav e faced doctor (bearing-
a striking family liken e ss to the one who a few years

later attended Count Vladimir in the play of F e dora
at th e H aymark e t Th e atre) whil e a timek e e per,
recorded in monotonous tones each minute as it

passed A t the back of the cart two e ager report e rs
.
w e re writing in their notebooks at lightning spe e d .
T h e cheering was long and loud A t certain

.
points wreaths of laure ls and bouquets of rare

flow e rs wer e hurl e d at t h e hero of th e hour but h e ,
could only acknowl e dge these by a graceful touch of

the hat with t h e Wanghee cane h e carri e d ; h e was
obliged to hurry on to keep faith with the public .
T h e floral tributes wer e placed in the back of th e

dogcart A t last the p arty followed by an e n th
.
,
u
s ias t ic crowd which incr e ased at e very yard reach e d ,
t h e Bull H ot e l . A fter vociferous acclamation t h e

champion app e ared for a moment at the windo w
and said a v e ry fe w words Ladi e s and g e ntl e men ,
I am a walker not a talk e r

,
Bu t I thank you I
.
—
—
thank you I thank you A n d the window closed
.
’
— th e crowd went home .

A CA M B R I D G E C H A R A C T E R 57
At about half past five as workmen w e re taking

-
,
down the deal stands that stood along J esus Lan e ,
a shabby exhausted man app e ared covered in dust

, , ,
his stockings ungartered shambling along in evid e nt ,
distress I t was th e genuine We ston But th e

. .
public wouldn t have him at any pric e and gre e ted

’
him with b o o ts and missiles S ome infernal .

‘
charlatan said one trying to impose upon us

,
’
,
‘
.
Lucky h e didn t come half an hour sooner H e

"
’
.
might have taken us in N o t a bit of it replied

.
’
,
’
another . I v e seen the posters

’
You can see at .
once this chap s not a bit lik e them

’
.
’
I was tak e n one S unday afternoon — I think by ,
—
po o r Charl e s M undy to see a wond e rful charact e r
old D ick M ason I don t know what h e had
.
’
b e en or wh e ther he had any trad e or calling d uri ng

,
the week But on S undays he kept open house in

.
a small street turning off K ing s Parade I was ’

.
brought into a large low ceilinge d room hung with

,
-
old hunting and racing prints A bout half a dozen .
undergraduat e s of the second rate sporting set the — -
—
p l e as snfi e r zo r n m as it were were sitt i ng about
,
the room : A mongst th e m wandered one or two

fox terriers and a black R ussian poodle O n a .
mahogany table w e re champagne and cigars .
O u r host stood with his back to the fire and ,
t al ked without ceasing in a pl e asant mellow v o ic e ,
with t h e manner of a privil e ged old family retainer .

58 R A N D O M R E M I N I S C E N C ES
He wore tightly fi tting w e ll cut clothes and a twic e -

,
-
round bird s eye scarf ‘ ’

—
Come in sir come in
-
’
.
‘
, ,
’
he e xclaim e d hospitably as I entered and was intro

d uce d H adn t you a brother up at J esus in 7 1
.
’ ’
I thought so I n the H ussars now if I m not mis

’
.
,
tak e n T h e 1 3th O h ah — yes They re out in

? .
’
I ndia of course ,N o w try a gla s s of that wine sir

.
, ,
—
and tell me what you think of it D u c de M élasse .
I t s not one of those ad v e rtis in brands ; it don t

’ ’ ’
r e quire ad e rtis in ; it advertises itself I was just

v
’
.
tellin M r M ughouse e ought to ave a littl e bit o n

’
.
’ ’
P e nultimate next Wednesday at Lincoln E s only .

’ ’
got 7 stone 8 to carry and e knows th e cours e as w e ll ,

’
as you and me knows the way to bed and that s ,

’
’
alf th e battl e N o no M r M ughouse ! don t you .
, , .
’
g o and ave it on with your

’
friend M r R a e ll ; . zz
he ll only lay you fours I ll tell you what I l l do

’
.
’ ’
I l l put you on myself at twenty fi v e p ounds to five

’
-
,
and if e wins you shall throw me over a fi v e pound

’
-
note I m glad to see you re enj oying that wine

.
’ ’
sir he went on as I politely gulp e d down the

,
’
sparkling syrup .
I t s not a m a wi n e he admitted I wouldn t

’ ’ ‘ ’
.
,
’
av e a or a l wine on my table—nasty doctored u p -
stuff ! That s a win e you can taste the grape ’
and the sunshine in I l l see if I v e got a cas e .

’ ’
of it l e ft and I l l send it round to your rooms

,
’
7
Sl l
‘
.
A C L EV ER SA L ESMA N 59
Thank you very much I protested not quite

~
’
‘
, ,
sure whether he meant it as a present or how .
But I don t want any more champagne in m y e r

’
—
— cel l ar j ust now M
( y cellar was a lift u
p .
’ ‘ ’
-
window seat ) -
.
‘
Ah ! But when you d o want it I may not ave ’
it said M r M ason sagely

,
’
Besides it s like
. .
‘
,
’
u t t in money in the bank send you six dozen

’
p I .
of this wine ( if I v e got it— mind you I can t pro ’

,
’
mise ) You ve only got to pay for the w in e not for

.
’
a high falutin name and a lot of ad v e rtis in I ll

-
’ ’
.
’
charge you j ust five per cent more than I paid th e .
shippers Y o u shall have that wine at 93s 6 d a

. . .
dozen and if you lik e t o bring it back to m e in

,
thre e or four y e ars time and say M ason what 11 ’
, , ,
’
you give me for this D u c de M élass e I l l pay y o u ’
a pound a bottle for it You re not e nj o y in that .

’ ’
cigar sir h e suddenly exclaimed changing the

, ,
’
subj ect Throw it away

. N o no ; I insist ;
‘
.
,
there s not flavour enough in that cigar to suit you

’
.
’
A s a matter of fact the foul weed was full of an ,
overwhelming flavour more like creosote than any ,
thing else I could think o f But I was glad to be .
rid of it .
N o said my host ; I keep thos e light coloured

’
-
,
ones for youngsters who ain t us e d to tobacco ’

.
N o w there s a cigar you ll appreciate sir—a Flor

’ ’
, ,
de Caracol and to my acute distress he forced an , ,

60 R A N D O M R EM I N I SC E N C ES
evil looking dark gre en sausag e shap e d obj ect into

-
,
-
,
-
my hand You ll e nj oy that cigar sir h e w e nt on

.
’
, ,
’
.
A n d if I let you a v e five undr e d of e m you

‘ ’ ’ ’
,
mustn t ask me o w I came by th e m B u t I t e ll

’ ’
.
—
you this much and he low e re d his voice to a
whisp e r i ney o e n e o e r p aia a n zfy ’ ’ ’
.
’
A n d this was v e ry likely true A s they were cer .
t a in l y not made of tobacco there was no reason why ,
they should have H e wen t on talking racing to .
M ughous e and S pooner and one or two oth e rs until

I p r e sently attracted his att e ntion again by in ad v e r
t e n tl y stroking the head of a terri e r of sorts :
H ullo sir exclaimed my host I didn t know

‘
, ,
’
,
‘ ’
you were a d aw g fanci e r But now I call it to -

.
mind so was your broth e r before you Would you

, .
believe it sir young S ir Pluml e y D uff was in here

, ,
t h e other day and e couldn t see the beauty of that

’ ’
,
H e s not one of your long nosed terri e rs

’
d wg ?
a -
like th e y re trying to pass em off now ; he s o n e

’ ’ ’
of the little pug nosed on e s such as th e y u se d to -
bre e d Little b e auty and he patted the mongrel

.
affe ctionately I t s very seldom you find em now

.
’ ’
adays with the one wall eye There s his sister .

’
there— Come ere Vic — I w o u l d n t p art with e r ’

'
’ ’
not if you was to offer m e a fi fty pound note I -

,
wouldn t But as for N ip —well sir as you ve taken

’
.
, ,
’
a fancy to the littl e d aw g I l l mak e you a pre s e nt of ,

’
I m sure you ll be kind to im D on t giv e im

’ ’ ’
im
’ ’ ’
.
C A M B RI D G E A T H L E T I CS 61
any m e ata little gr e e n veg e tabl e s with I S biscuit

—
now and then But there I dare say you know as

.
,
much abo t ke e pin d aw g s as what I do

u
’
.
’
B u t I can t think of acc e pting your dog I ex

’ ’
,
c l aimed horrified at the prospect

,
I t s extrem e ly .
‘
’
kind of you but ,
‘
Very w e ll then said M r D ick M ason
, ,
’
S o as . .
there shan t be any obligation you s hall give m e a

’
fi v e pound note for im O nly that s between our

’ ’
-
.
selves I f anyone asks you say I was mad e a

. , ,
“
present of im ; and at that price sir you won t

’
, ,
’
be tellin a word of a lie

’
.
’
The following day I received a six dozen case of -
D u c de M élasse ( Private Cuvée) five boxes of th e ,
myst e rious Flor de Caracol weeds and a messag e ,
asking where was the d o g to go My bill would .
have amounted to £ 53 1 43 Luckily I had the .

,
strength of mind to repudiate the contract and to

r e fuse to tak e in the things But I was so young .
that I felt like a swindler for doing so and for a ,
long time I turned a guilty crimson whenever I

heard the name of plausibl e old D ick Mason .
M y principal amusem e nts at Cambridge were

boxing and fencing Galpin from A ngelo s open e d.
,
’
a s al l e d a r me s in the town E gerton Castl e was

’
.
his show pupil with the foils if pupil he could be

-
,
called for even in these days he was a fi rs t rate

,
-
fencer Cricket I could not abide for when I was

.
,
62 R A N D O M R E M I N I SC E N C ES
about nine years old I was badly cut over in a school

match and since that date I have funked a cricket
,
ball more utterly than any oth e r missile crisis or ,
calamity I e ver h e ard of I had rather stroll betwe e n

.
rifl e butts and soldiers when they a re

-
at practic e
than enter Battersea Park on a S aturday aft e rnoon
in summer when children are playing cricket there .
O n the two or three occasions that I have had to

witness cricket match e s from the all e ged security of
-
a p avilion I have always felt as nervous as t h e his

,
t o ric al sufferer from gout who us e d to sit in his
wheel chair on th e cliffs at R amsgate and wave his

-
stick and shriek with apprehension if he saw a

vess e l go p ast his foot so near as the horizon .
When I was at Cambridge there was an annual

—
match between two social clubs the A D C and . . .
—
the A th e n mu m which was mor e a parade of th e
promin e nt members of each club than a display
of cricket and in which no well known member
,
-
could well refuse to play if asked I was onc e

,
.
called upon to play for the A D C A fter a good . . .
deal of pressing I consented on condition that I ,
didn t have to field I lay awake in terror most of

’
.
th e previous night and when the fateful moment

,
arrived for me to go in I felt faint and sick at heart

,
.
I was rigged out in pads and gloves with india

rubb e r tyres to the fingers and crept lik e snail
,
unwillingly to the w i cket I t so happened that

.
64 R A N D O M R E M I NI SCEN C ES
what insignificant so I ins e rt e d some on e s and

,
twos and mad e my score up to t e n making a ,
corr e sponding alte rati o n in th e t o tal of th e innings .
A nyon e who has Lillywhit e s G uide ( or Cal e ndar or

’
what e ver it is call e d ) for 1 8 78 ( I think that was t h e

year) will s e e that I played in o n e match mad e 1 0
—
runs annual av e rage I o .
’
C H A PT E R IV
i y —I
H o l da s n th e b tt — H i t
A rd e n n e s — A w l d i b -
o ar a ue n s on
f ig v
o re n —
y T h f x d h w t l y h im— T h b
e ne r e o , an o o s a e o ar,
and h w t o o — e u —
l d h im N w y C m pi g e th D v or a a n on e o er
fi l
e d — F y — H
rei l dah ip v l t — M ysv y b
or sd i t
’
s a e er o e en
v t—Th p w f i m g i ti — Ch l y B l l —A
s e r an e o er o a na on ar e u er n
i i d t t L d —M h t w b i — L i l T y
nc en a or
’
s arc s ra e rr e s o ne e nn so n
an d th e s mu gg l e r .
ONE of the pleasantest holidays I ever spent was

during one long vocation when poor A rnald de ,
Grey and Bernard H olland ( I wond e r if h e re

members the s e ct o f the M is o s o ph e rs which ‘ ’
H erbert S tephen and he and I started at Cambridg e ,
and whether he is still true to its t e nets ) went on

?
what w e w e re p leased to call a r e ading tour We .

’
first crossed from Harwich to A ntwerp where we ,
dawdl e d through a few delightful days W e th e n .
made R otterdam our headquarters and went lazy ,
expeditions on steamers through the canals doing ,
D —
as the utch did smoking in silence and eating ,
numberless meals of tea with piles of bread and ,

-
butter and bread and cheese .
A t last we got to D iekirch a delightful spot in ,

66 R A N D O M R EM I N I S CEN C ES
the Grand D uchy of Luxemburg The hot e l was

-
.
call e d the H otel d e s A rd e nn e s and was k e pt by ,
an A nglomaniac named H e ck H e e ntertain e d us .
royally for five francs a d ay which includ e d coffe e

, ,
and rolls in our rooms a solid mid day meal and a

,
-
,
Lord Mayor s banquet at half past six There was a

’
-
.
pl e asant win e of the country bottled in hock bottl e s , ,
rather lik e a S t e inw e in in flavour at about tenp e nc e ,
a bottl e A fter dinner w e us e d to sit on a t e rrac e

.
ov e rl o o king the M os e ll e smok e our pi p e s n d,

a
watch th e sunset whil e our host who was a

, ,
violinist and his daught e r who was a charming

, ,
pianist and his bro th e r w h o p e rform e d up o n th e

, ,
’
c e llo played Be e th o v e n trios in the neighbouring
,
dining room -
.
I n th e morning we used to bath e in t h e M osell e

before breakfast and amuse ours e lves by swimming
,
a cross into Prussia which was about 1 0 yards off

,
.
A ft e r which our host would organize fishing ex p e di

tions for us ( he was abl e to procure us som e
e xc e ll e nt trout fishing om e tim e s h e would com e
) S .
with us but almost always we were accompanied by

,
a charming old M aj or Cop p ing e r who with his , ,
wife w e re the only oth e r B ritons in the place H e

,
.
was a Chamberlain to H is H oliness and showed us ,
with pride his own photograph in tights and a short

mantle H e was an e nthusiastic fish e rman and
.
,
taught me not only how to throw a fly but how to ,

A W I LD BOA R
-
BATT U E 67
tie one and I once experienced the heavenly

,
sensation of catching a two pound trout with a fly -
of my own manufacture .
I remember on one occasion after a long day s

’ ‘
fishing all of us wet through and ravenously

,
hungry we missed the last train back to D iekirch

, .
W e had to walk sixteen miles along the railway

line W e obtain e d from the station master a piece
.
-
of candle to light us through the tunnels We had .
a dreary trudge of five hours on loose slag and ,
once or twice we had to dodge an approaching

train We cheered ourselves up by singing all the
.
songs we knew Luckily old M ajor Coppinger had

.
a large selection I discovered early on our tramp

.
I had a flask nearly full of w hisky but I didn t

’
divulge the fact until we left the railway line and -
were within three miles of home when we all lay ,
down on the dusty highroad round our stump of

candle which we stuck up in the middle and
, ,
gratefully drank to our home coming -

.
There was a hospitable old Baron in the neigh

b o u rh o o d of D iekirch who hearing that there w e re,
E nglishmen at the hotel gave a wild boar battue in ,

-
our honour and invit e d us to meet him and other

,
sportsmen at a neighbouring railway station We -

.
accepted with alacrity We were abl e through our

.
,
friendly landlord to borrow some pin fi re guns

,
-
,
made in Li e ge if I recollect rightly We were

’
, .
5
— 2
68 R A N D O M R EM I N I SC EN CES
instructed to load with big shot in the first barrel

and ball in the second A ccording to the laws of .
the country we were not permitted to carry our

,
guns in the ordinary way bu t were comp e lled to ,
wear them strapped across us O u r fellow sports .

-
men to the numb e r of about a dozen met us on the

, ,
platform and commenced proceedings by singing

,
nat i onal airs and such inspiriting ditties as M ourir

pour la patrie ! C est l e sort l e beau qu il y ait sur
’ ’
la te e e rre
- - -
They were mostly farmers and
.
’
marvellously got up .
O n e of the most picturesque was a fat old chap ,
with a gray toothbrush moustache which did not ,
re ach the corners of his mouth H e wore a .
Panama hat a velveteen coat and ga i ters halfway

, ,
up the h i p attached by means of buckles A cross

, .
his left shoulder was the strap of his gun ; on his

right he wore a roomy game bag from the net of -
,
which peeped a cold chicken a roll some salad and , , ,
a bottle of claret A t tached to his belt was a

.
sheathed con i e an a e e nasse about 2 feet long ’

.
H e aske d me if monsieur had ever before mad e l a

e /i ass e a n s ang l ie r I told him this was my first
experi e nce H e then enlighten e d me as to the
.
habits of the wild boar and the manner in which to

-
,
tackle him .
I f you wound a boar he told me he will turn ’

‘
, ,
round and charge in your direction but not actually ,

H I NT S ON F O R EI GN V EN ER Y 69
at y ou H e will appear to be about to rush past

.
you but as he approaches g ar e a o ozes I l est bien

, .
malin l e sanglier ! A h oui ! H e will pretend not

to see you but as he reaches y ou he will suddenly
,
turn his head and break your shins with his tusk .
Then he will apply himse lf to disembowelling you .
I t will be all very fine for monsie ur to endeavour to

lie on his face M aster Boar will turn you over
.
w i th his snout .
’
‘
What must be done then I inquired to avoid , ,
’
,
‘
this fate
That is what I am going to tell you replied my ,
’
old sporting authority I t is a man oe uvre requiring

.
much nerve and much composure M onsieur must .
hold his ground his hunting knife in his hand A s

,
-
.
t h e boar throws himself upon him monsieur m u st ,
take one step to the rear and plunge his blade into ,
t e breast just behind the shoulder

h — thus A nd h e
drew his small sword and mad e an impressive
lunge in the direction of the newspaper and tobacco
stall to the great admiration of the old lady
,
presiding thereat .
When we reached our destination we were met

by the Baron who welcomed us cordially and by
, ,
his nephew a young Vicomte They were dressed

, .
less picturesquely than th e ir farmer guests yet not ,
quite after the E nglish fashion They wore sti ff .
felt hats black melton coats huge m a as fl ottan ts of

, ,
’
70 R A N D O M R E M I N I SCE N C ES
a bird s eye pattern and trousers tucked into leather

’
-
,
spats There was also the p ig n e n r the huntsman

.
,
or head keeper H e was a very fine fellow v e ry

-
.
,
k e en dress e d in an ordinary p easant s blouse with

,
’
a curved horn like a child s toy hung about his

,
’
n e ck H e had with him a nondescript pack of six

.
or e ight hounds and b e fore w e started he v e ry p rac ti

,
cally told us the value of each in cas e par malh e ur , , ,
u n de ces messieurs should chance in a fit of ’

”
misdirected zeal to slay a dog instead of a pig ,
voil aLéon par exempl e and b e indicated a huge

,
’
white woolly d o g exactly like a toy sheep in the

, ,
Lowther A rcad e I l est tr e s bon pour attaquer .

‘
,
celui l a— Léon vaut cent francs The only coupl e

-
.
’
that looked at all workmanlik e w e re two E nglish

otter hounds H ow e ver w e w e r e told the pric e of
-
.
,
each in cas e of accidents and then proceed e d to th e

, ,
cov e rt I was placed in a corner w e ll hidden n e ar

.
, ,
a little bridl e path that ran throug h th e for e st

-
.
Presently the huntsman sounded a not e upon his

horn which announced to us that h e ate rs and dogs
had started .
I t was a lovely day and a beautiful spot A l l of .
a sudden I beheld a tiny fox s cub whose e ars far ’
sharper than mine had heard no doubt the dista n t , , ,
tread of the beat e r H e strutted past m e in the .
sunshin e within a couple of yards sniffing the air

, , ,
preening his whiskers beaming with life and joy ,

72 R A N D O M R EM I N I SC EN C ES
which had got damaged in his ascent and was

pouring forth its life on to the turf A n d last of all .
we caught sight of the furious cause of this stampede .
I t was a diminutive marcassin or wild sucking pig ,

-
,
who looked not much larger than a frog and was ,
snorting anathema through his little upturned snout .
H e scampered away when he saw he was out

numbered and our portly B elgian shikaree alight e d
,
from his coign of vantage burst into tears of ,
gratitud e and kissed each of us on either che e k for

,
coming to his rescue .
A t lunch e on the v u l p e c id al Vicomte was the h e ro

of the hour ; for although two or three small pigs
i d be e n kill e d the dead baby fox was regarded as
gr /
,
-
the most glorious trophy We discovere d that of

.
,
the entire party Bernard H olland had had th e

,
greatest opportunity of distinguishing himself in

venery but had failed to take advantage of it H e
,
.
told us he had se e n a huge boar with his wives and

offspring gather e d toget h e r in a glade within thirty
or forty yards of where he was standing ; they he ld
a hurried con se il ae f am il l e and my friend becam e so
’
,
engrossed in observing the d e meanour and conduct

o f these rightful inhabitants of the for e st that he
entirely forgot he was there to slay them and it ,
was not until luncheon that it occurred to him that

he ought to have explod e d his pi e ce We rallied .
him a good deal and to such good purpose that wh e n

,
N OR WA Y 73
we were replaced in a nother covert his enthusiasm

very nearly brought about a tragedy We had told .
him that he must fire at any foreign obj ect he might

perceive moving in the underwood and he went to ,
his post g u n in hand alert for slaughter I n a few

, , .
minutes we heard two reports in quick succession , ,
from Bernard H olland s quarter H e had seen ’

.
something move A h ca M onsieur l A n g l ais !

’ ’
‘
.
,
cried the Baron leaping from behind a bush and

, ,
holding up his hat which had been perforated by

,
my friend s u nerring bullet

’
Qu est c e que ca .
‘ ’
-
s i n ifi e ?
g Ce n e s t pas comme’
9a qu on fait la ’
chasse sacré nom d une pipe

,
’
H owever later on in the day Bernard H olland

,
slew the biggest b east of the day a great pig who ,
turned the scale at 1 50 kilos .
A nother long vacation I went with A rnald de

Grey and H oward Whitbread to N orwa y in pursuit
of reindeer I t was in 1 8 77 I think the last year
.
,
—
of free shooting in that country nowaday s I believe
it is necessary to take out an expensive license al so ,
I fancy there are di fficulties about the importation

,
of dogs But in those days it was a perfectly

.
simpl e and economical form of holiday We took .
two S cotch setters with us for the ryper shooting ,
and all kinds of pots and pans and paraphernalia

for camping out .
W e started from H ull on board the old Tass o .

74 R A N D O M R E M I NI SC EN C ES
Ther e was a l e ge nd that the original Wilson was

especially attach e d to that particular boat and left ,
an annuity to his sons so long as s h e should b e k e p t

running and that in her old ag e the company had
,
accordingly p ut n e w e nds to her inst e ad of breaking

h e u p and that that was why s h e was too long for
r ,
h e r b e am and dis p lay e d a hilari o us dis p o sition to

,
r o ll We reached M old e in th e e v e ning of t h e

.
fourth day T h e next day we to o k a st e am e r up

.
t h e fjord to N ess whenc e we proce e d e d to A ak

, ,
and from there we drov e about thirty fi v e E nglish -
mil e s in cariol e s to M o l m e rn There w e were m e t .
by the N orwegian stalk e r whom w e had e ngage d by ,
l e tter O l e S v an e m y r ( the O l e p ronounced as his

,
’
admire rs pronounce the nam e of the financi e r who

pr e s e nted a set of Communion plat e to th e D e an -
and Chapter of S t Paul s ) and a gillie who took

.
’
, ,
our heavy luggag e on by pony to A u rs h o to the

‘
s ae l e r we propos e d to mak e our h e adquart e rs .
Th e y cam e back for us in a couple of days and

conducted us to our d e stination We had to walk .
about twenty miles across absolut e ly bare gray

rocks without a sign of vegetation ; w e might hav e
been in th e moon A t last we saw a patch of .
gre en in the distance and pr e sently a slate coloure d

,
-
loch and at last a little cluster of four or five huts

, .
These are inhabited during the summer by cow

herds and th e ir families ; but they appear to b e
P
CA M I N G O N T H E D OV ER FJ ELD 75
common property and room is made as a matt e r

, ,
of course for new arrivals We took possession

,
.
of the hut allotted to us I made a fire and we .

,
supped off tinned soup corned beef ship s biscuit , ,

’
and whisky E very morning the cowherds with

.
their pipes and their wives and sisters with th e ir

,
knitting us e d to stroll to the e dge of the loch and

, ,
with grave surprise gaze at us as we bath e d , .
We were too high up for salmon but there w e re ,
plenty of trout ; the biggest we ever killed was

about 3 pounds But we found to our dismay
.
that th e se barba rous fish had not been educated up

—
to London mad e flies to J ermyn S treet D uns and
-
Palmers and Coch y Bondhus ; th e y did not appear

- -
to be able e ven to see these delicate works of art

~
or if th e y did they had not been taught that they

, ,
w e re intended to be the images of anything ap

p e t i
z in
g in N ature But fortunately A rnald
. de , ,
Gre y had brought with him an old book of gaudy

salmon fl ie s out of which we were able to fashion
-
,
some flashy little baits which may not have absolutely

deceived the S candinavian tr o ut but at all events ,
frequently excited his curiosity to fatal lengths .
We were always able to breakfast off freshly killed -
trout in addition to our porridge A lso we soon got .
—
a lard e r full of game ryp e r wild duck and venison ,
-
, .
I was cook to the party and after awhile the others ,
grumbled if I did not give them cours e s I think ‘

.
’
76 R A N D O M R EM I N I SC EN C E S
the most elaborate dinner I ever served them

consisted of broth grilled trout ( don e with a das h
,
of onion and some coarse oatmeal ) hashed venison , ,
roast ryper and girdle cakes of rye meal

,
— all at a
- -
wood fi re on a slab of stone under a hole in the

-
roof I once cooked them a red throated diver ( I

.
-
got a pair with their red throats on ) I skinned .
him and buried him for twenty four h ours and -

,
stuffed him with onion stuffing but he was rather ,
fishy for all that We were glad when we had .
finished him .
O l e S v ane m y r had a delightful dog called Freya ,
something lik e an E squimaux dog S h e was a kind .
of blue gray with lon g pointed mobile ears and a

-
, ,
tightly curled bushy tail S h e was a very cl e ver

-
,
.
‘
tracker and I b e lieve she was also broken to sheep

, .
O nce when Whitbread and I w e re r e turning from

,
’
—
a l ong day s stalking it was past midnight and we ,
—
had l e ft A u rs h o at 6 a m Freya was in front of us
. .
,
and her master 50 yards or so behind carrying a

couple of haunches ( when we killed a beast we had
to cut him up there and then carry home a portion , ,
and build a cairn over the remainder which we ,
would send the gillie and pony for next morning) .
Presently we were crossing a bit of glacier and we ,
want e d to consult the stalker as to the direction we

should take but the little man was nowhere to be
,
seen We turned back and pres e ntly came to

. ,
A N A C C I D ENT I N T H E SN O W 77
where the haunches lay upon the snow but there ,
was no sign o f O l e We shouted but received no

.
,
answer A ll of a sudden we made the startling

.
observation that although his footsteps were plainly

,
visible in the snow up the hillside to where we '
stood where he had deposited the haunches there

, ,
was no track leading away from that spot With .
British lack of imagination we were utterly unable ,
to draw any deduction as Baden Powell would ,

’
-
say until Freya far more in te ll ig e n t th an e i ther of

, ,
'
us began to scratch furiously at the drift and th e

, ,
truth dawned upon us that our guide had slipped

into a crevasse and the fine snow had fallen in and
,
filled up the fissure We managed to get him out .
and to restore him and he strode alon g the re ,
m ain d e r of the way as though nothing had happened .
A fter a month I had t o leave my friends e n

camped o u the D o v e rfj e l d and hurry back to ,
M old e to catch the homeward bound Tass o -

.
I had a beard of six weeks growth my knicker

’
b o c k e rs w e re stained with trac e s of butchery and of

cooking and I carri e d with me a huge haunch of
,
r e indeer v e nison a rifl e case and a leather bag I

,
-
, .
had got to the last stage of my j ourney— that is to

say after about thirty hours cariole drive I was
,
’
on board the little fj ord steamer bound for M olde .
A tall well set u p man with small side whiskers

,
- - -
,
clad in a well cut pepper and salt suit surmounted

-
‘
- -
’
by a square hard fe lt hat strolled leisurely up and ,
accosted me H e was obviously the great s e rvant

.
of a great man H e paid me th e com p lim e nt of .
taking me to be a humble member of his own

calling . he commenced affably Fin e .
‘
I s your governor on board No he

’
?
’
m o rn in .
,
isn t I was able to reply truthfully

’
,
’
I see you ve .
’
got a haunch of venison there I suppos e you v e .

’
rubbed it over with salt and pepper he proceed e d

kindly I l l show you wh e re to hang it up wh e n
.
’
w e get on board th e E nglish boat M ids h ips you .
want to hang it where it ll get the draught I ,

’
.
’
gave him some S cotch whisky I had in my flask ,
and h e gave me a fill of tobacco What sort .

‘
o f a governor have you got ? he presently asked ’
me . H e s a very good old chap indeed I

‘ ’
,
’
answered M ine s a rum u n said h e Earl

’ ’
.
,
Wallsend You ve heard o f him I dare say

.
’
?
,
’
I nodded H e s all right at times proceeded th e

’ ’
.
,
val e t ; but when he s out of sorts h e s a tartar

‘ ’ ’
.
H e s eccentric you know Just a k i l e bit upstairs

’
, . e ,
he is A lways w o rritin about his h e alth A n d h e

.
’
.
’
went on to t e ll me a number of stories about his

lordship with whom it so happened I was ac
, , ,
q u ain t e d Then M r Berryman

.
( that I found was .
my new friend s name ) went on to give me a ’
description of th e household T h e any was dis .
honest and drunken the butler was a terrible ,

‘
80 R A N D OM R EM I N I SC EN CES
to carve The O l d steward l e ant over my shoulder

.
with a plate and asked for a seco n d helping of mutton

, ,
then added in an earnest whisper which seemed to ,
contain a hint as to pope s eyes F or Me E a rl ” ’

-
,
’
.
O n e of the best servants I ever had was a man

called V i ner H e was an ex hussar and extra
.
-
,
ordinarily handy and resourceful O n one occa

‘ ”
.
sion I was travelling up to I nverness w i th a kind ’
h o st and hostess who had a forest in th e Gl e n

,
morriston district Their saloon carriage contained

.
—
every conceivable luxury hamp e rs of wine and
provisions a library of books and magazines even
, ,
a wheel of fi e l d s slee t/aux to b e guile the j ourney .
I t was a baking hot afternoon in A ugust and ,
presentl y as the H ighland tra i n dawdled from

,
one sleepy little station to another it occurred to ,
us that some cup would be refreshi ng But although .
w e had wine soda water liqu e urs lemons sugar ice

,
-
, , , , ,
o ne —
essential was lacking w e had no vessel to
make it in We were j ust moving slowly out of
.
.
K ingussi e ; I looked out of window and caught ,
the alert eye of Viner who at every station pok e d ,
an inquiring head out of his third class carria ge -
window .J ust get a j u g will you at the next

‘
, ,
station we stop at ? I exclaimed Very good

’
.
‘
,
sir I saw his lips reply as he touched his hat I

,
’
, .
gave the order more to amuse my companions than

with any idea that my faithful retainer would under
M Y O BE D I EN T SER A N T V 81
take such an apparently forlorn hope as the purchase

of a wassail bowl at a S cotch railway station I don t
- -
.
’
think a civilian servant would have taken my order

seriously or else he would have presentl y come up
,
and said Beg pardon sir but where am I to get

, , ,
that jug ? What sort of j ug do y ou want sir ? ,
H ow much am I to give for it sir and so forth

?
,
’
.
But soldier servants are di fferent Theirs not to .

‘
make reply theirs not to reason why theirs but to

, ,
do —what their masters tell them and be sworn at ,
if the result is unsatisfactory A t the next stopping .
— —
place Kincraig I think it was I saw Viner jump
out of his carriage while the train was going at full
speed— that is to say at about ten miles an hour ,
and tear out of the station We only waited three .
minutes or so and then the locomotive gave a

,
few drowsy snorts and reluctantly started off again .
‘
What an idiot that man is ! I muttered He ’
.
might have known But at that moment he

reappeared an enormous white bedroom jug in his
,
hand and after pressing his hat on to his head

, , ,
took a harlequin leap through our window then ,
picked himself up apologized for the unceremonious

,
method of his entry and retired to the corridor I

, .
ask e d him afterwards how he had contrived to get the

jug . Well sir he replied I knew I hadn t over
‘
, ,
’
,
’
much time I saw a cottage close b y the station

.
I bolted in— there was an O l d lady in the settin

’
6
room but I ran past her into her bedroom collared

, ,
the ewer that was standin in the basin chucked her ’
a couple of bob and got back just in time sir I

, , .
hope h e r ladyship didn t think it a liberty sir my ’
, ,
comin in like that through the window ; but I took

’
it you was in a hurry for the j u g sir , .

’
I spent some delightful Christmas holidays with

E dward Bouv e rie in Wiltshire Th e y are especially .
impressed upon my memory by a striking instance

of the power of th e imagination I travelled with .
my host and two or three others one D e cemb e r

ev e ning to M arket Lavington I t was bitterly .
cold and we w e re in an unupholst e red third class

,
-
carriage By the time w e got to the end of our

.
railway j ourney it was pitch dark and we were

frozen A private omnibus had been sent to m e et
.
us and we troop e d into it and pulled up the glass

,
of the window I do hope to goodness they v e

.
‘ ’
re m e mbered to put in the foot warmers exclaimed -
our host reconnoitring with his foot

,
Than k .
goodness ! it s all right and sure e nough we

’
found stowed under the seats two heavy con

t riv anc e s which we hauled into line and gratefully
rested our feet upo n The effect was instantaneous

. .
I m mediately a delicious warmth permeated the soles

of our boots t hawed our icy feet mulled our frozen
, ,
shins and soon turned all the winter of our bodies

,
into glorious summer .

T H E FO R C E O F I M A G I NA T I O N 83
What asses w e were not to have had foot

‘
warmers in the train we reflected Yes but .

‘
, ,
hang it ! this is almost too much of a good thing ! ’
exclaimed one perspiring traveller D o you .

‘
fellows mind if we have a bit of window down ?

’
The glass was accordingly lowered and we breathed ,
more freel y Thoroughly warm in our bodies we

.
,
felt refreshed by the keen night air blowing in on

to our faces
,
.
I m extremely sorry sir murmured the butler

’ ’
‘
, ,
to E dward Bouverie as our light luggage was being

brought into the hall at the manor house D enis -
was out driving the ladies and I could only send ,
young Vincent with the omnibus and he must ,
needs drive off without the foot warmers I t then -
turned out that the objects on which we had been

so cosily resting our feet were two of our own
gun cases -
.
The name of E dward Bouverie reminds me ,
among many delightful memories of rackets and ,
tennis The only inter U niversity contest which

.
-
had any attraction for me was the rackets I t used .
to take place in the court of the old Princes Club ’
in Pont S treet I t was there that I first saw

.
Charley Buller abo u t twenty six years ago ( I

,
-
wonder what has happened to him now H e was I
in the gallery clad in a loose white d re s s ing gown

,
-
,
leaning over the balustrade acting as j udge H e , .
6 — 2
84 R A N D O M R E M I N I SC E N CE S
was a typical O uida —

h e ro a
mixture of athletic and
—
effeminate b e auty and he occasionally j ustifi e d that
extraordinarily clever writer by behaving exactly as
one of her own special and particular guardsmen ,
and n o one else would have b ehaved in similar

,
circumstances .
O nce at Lord s Charley Buller had in some

’
, ,
official capacity to give a decision prej udicial to a

certain profe ssional cricketer whom we will call ,
Bates Bates acc e pt e d his repri m and then slunk

.
,
O ff to a bar and brooded to the accompaniment of ,
sev e ral glass e s of brandy and water H e presently - -

.
came to the conclusion that he had a grievance

against Buller which d e ma nded immediate redress .
A ccordingly he searched Lord s cricket ground for

’
-
,
his enemy There was a fashionabl e match in

.
progress and presently h e found th e fascinating

,
Captain faultlessly dre ssed in mast e rpieces by Poole

and Lock leaning over an emblazoned barouche
, ,
talking to a dazzling D uchess j ust as though he ,
had been placed there by the magic hand of O uida

herself .
The sulky cricketer eyed him for a moment with

a heaving breast then took a short run and kicked
, ,
him in the most obvious and insulting manner as

hard as he knew how .
Charley Buller with the most perfect self restraint

,
-
,
merel y glanced over his should e r to see who his

M A R C H ST R A W B ER R I ES 85
assailant was concluded his conversation bow e d , ,
smilingly to his fair companion an d then made his ,
way to the pavilion .
S end Bates to me will you ? he said to an

‘ ’
attendant and h e picked up a cricket stump as he

,
-
spoke A n d when Bates arrived he took him by

.
,
t h e collar and thrashed him with that stump until
h e c o u l d thrash no longer and the unfortunate

‘
professional was sent off with thre e broken ribs to

the hospital where he remained an inmate for five
,
weeks .
A n obdurate fair one once refused ever to see

C harley Buller again unless h e should bring he r a
basket of strawberries A s it was the month of .
M arch her swain was plunged i n the d e pths of

,
d e spair But by the aid of th e sapient M r S olomon

. .
,
of Piccadilly he was able in about a wee k to ,
pres e nt himself at the hard hearted lady s bower -

’
laden with a chip bask e t containing about tw e lve

pale seed speckl e d berries which had cost about a
,
-
sovereign each nestling in a be d of ducal foliage , ,
and screened from the March winds by layers of

wool an d blue paper .
I s madame at home inquired the proud gallant .
I l l inquire sir said the servant

’ ’
.
, ,
D o and say Captain Buller has brought the

,
strawberries said the visitor as he was shown into

,
’
a boudoir to wait .
H ow surprised she ll be ! reflected our friend as ’ ’
h e stripped the precious basket of its coverings .
‘
They don t look particularly inviting but they ar e
’
strawberries There s no getting away from that

.
’
.
S h e m u s t be pleased at the trouble I v e taken to g e t

’
them as she was so b e nt on them whether they re

, ,
’
fit to eat or not I don t suppose they ve really any

.
’ ’
flavour at all I think I l l just taste one and see

.
’
.
Practically without any taste at all But that

was a very whit e one Tnal o n e was better .
!
They re rath e r sweet and refreshing but they ve no

’
,
’
distinctive flavour .
’
A s his lov e ly hostess sailed into the room the ,
absent minded Charl e s was in the act of throw

-
ing out of the window the stalk of the last straw

berry .
I was at Cambridge with both H allam and

Lionel Tennyson The latter was one or two years
.
senior to me th e other of course more than that

, , ,
.
—
I succeeded to H allam s rooms o n th e left hand of
’
the entrance gate to the Ol d court over the office

-
, .
They had been A lfred s in the dawn golden times ; ’ ‘ -

’
my father s had been on the same staircase on the

’
floor above and were then part of my tutor s suite

,
’
.
Lionel was by far the more companionable of the

two brothers H allam seemed to me to wear the
.
name of Tennyson as a kind of lev e e dress Lionel -
wore it more as a becoming easy jacket A story .

d e stination owing to the v i gilance O f the revenu e

,
officers that even there in the I sle of Wight the , ,
authorit i es were on th e alert The beach was .
‘
regular infested with coast guards ( he used a ’
-
vulgar but grap hic adj e ctive in place of the past

participle) and what th e y p ro po s e d to do was to
,
find a few discreet customers in di fferent ports and ,
get rid of their stuff in small parCe l s They segars .

,
’
said th e smuggler is worth a s h ill in apiece of ,

‘ ’
anyone s mon e y Ye t push e d as we are we re

’
.
, ,
’
willin to part with em at a sovereign a hundred

’ ’
.
’
I don t mind buying a couple of hundred said

‘ ’ ’
,
Lion e l Where can I— call for them

.
D on t you miss this chance g uv n e r urged the

’ ’ ’
, ,
sailor I t s the chance of a lifetime

. A v e twenty
’
.
’
boxes You can walk into any te rbac c e rn is t s

.
’
shop to morrow and make £ 8 0 profit on yer

-
bargain A n d the longer yer keeps em the more

.
’
,
they ll m ato o r
’
.
’
A t last young Tennyson w as p re v aile d upon to

invest in twelve boxes for £ 1 0 Wot you ve .
‘
’
got to do sir said the man whose accomplic e

, ,
’
in crim e h e had become is to charter a small , ,

‘
boat T here s the M a ry A n n e Tom Purvis E s

.
’
,
.
’ ’
a man 0 the world a man you can trust is Tom

’
, ,
Purvis You ll leave is ard about nine o clock

.
’ ’ ’ ’
.
Tell im to make a course for the Brambles Lightship

’
and ke e p a look out for the H ar ry Pan l e l of -

,
L A N D I NG TH E ST U FF 89
Falmouth Then if you sees a tonne light hangin

.
,
over her port bow come alongside and sing out ,
S ay matey wot s i t like outside Then for the’ ”

?
, ,
countersign you ll ear S ome dirty weather

’ ’ “
bl o w in up from the west Then you ll know as

’ ’
.
all s serene you ll an d up the mone y in g ol a mind

’
,
’ ’
,
’
,
yer and we ll sling over the backer

,
’ ’
.
’
Tom Purvis required a good deal of talking over .
H e said he didn t half like the j ob I t went

‘ ’
.
against his conscience But he consented at last to .

’
undertake it for a sovereign I t was a very u n .
pleasant night and about midway when it seemed

, ,
too late to turn back poor Lionel was overtaken by ,
terrible sea sickness and when the M ary A n n e

-
,
came und e r the lee o f the H a r ry Pan l e i it was a

feeble voice indeed that arose from the bottom of
the Wherry and inquired with no ring of interest , ,
what it was like outside A n d when the repl y .

’
cam e S ome dirty weather bl o w in up from the

,
’
west the amateur smuggler could only retort with a

,
’
moan H owever he contrived to hand over the

.
,
ten sovereigns he had brought with him The .
tw e lve cedarwood boxes were lower e d out and the ,
M ary A n n e was soon running before the wind back

into Freshwater Bay while the H ar ry Pan l e i ,
forged still further into her iniquitous course towards

H amble .
When Lionel came to examine his bargain in the

privacy of his bedroom at Farrin g fo rd he found

,
himself the possessor of cigars manufactured

near W e ll clo s e S quare in the East En d of London
, ,
out of goodness knows what and worth about I S 8 d

,
. .
a hundred wholesale A s for Tom P u rvis he

.
,
denied all knowledge of the H a r ry Pan l e i nor ‘

,
had he any suggestion to make as to who could

be the illicit trader from H avana who esteemed
him so highly as a man 0 the world But he
‘ ’
.
’
blossomed forth into a new suit of clothes the

following S unday .
Paris ’
A rthur Cecil urged me strongly to do
nothing of the kind .
M y most practical advis e r was my O l d friend

H enry K e mble who bade me to lunch e on at the
,
Garrick Club to m e et Charles Kelly ( E ll e n Terry s ’
husband ) M y host had never witness e d my

.
amat e ur e fforts and was able all the more con

, ,
s c ie n t io u s l
y p e rhaps to extol my
,
latent h is t rl o n i c
abi l ity with the result that a few days afterwards I

,
made my first stage appearanc e with K e lly and his

company at a morning performance at the A l e xandra
Palac e for which I received a salary of ten
,
shillings .
I think on the whole I was wise situated as ,
I was to go on t h e stage
, A s I said befor e I
.
,
want e d to begin to earn my living at once I had .
achiev e d no scholarly distinction a t Cambridge and ,
the stage appeare d to be the only craft which o n e

was paid to learn A n d the theatre of thos e days
.
was an essentially differe nt institution to th e theatre

of to day
-
.M ost of the managers of thos e days
w e re actors who had made their names who had ,
got ov e r the first zeal for personal prominence .
The money they invested in the business was

generally mon e y they had earned by acting A n d .
while some w e re extraordinarily kind to their em

ployés and solici to us for their comfort and others ,
less so there was always a certain sympathy b e twe e n

,
G EN B R OU S M A N A G ER S 93
actor and manager which th e re can n e ver be betwe e n

actor and syndicate .
I rem e mber for instance an occasion when I had

, ,
to go out of the bill at the H aymarket Theatre

owing to domestic b ereavement We were playing .
O urs at the time and I was the S ergeant J ones

’
‘
.
,
M y understudy who took my place was overtaken

, ,
by a kind of alcoholic aphasia and could not re ,
member the word twins which recurs several ‘ ’
times in the part I believe he substituted the

.
word kittens with disastrous results A t all

‘ ’
.
events for the following night Forbes R obertson

,
( who had play e d the part at the old Prince of

’
—
Wales s ) had to be engaged at spec i al terms no ,
doubt Th e n o n S aturday afternoon there was a

.
p e rformance of A Lesson and of Sh e S too p s to

‘ ’ ‘
C onqu e r in both of which I usually played Pinero

,
’
.
had to study and play my part in th e first piece and ,
J ack M acl e an e had to be sent for to play old H ard

castle in the comedy Wh e n I came back a week
.
later the Bancrofts not only paid me an ordinary

,
week s salary for the six days I had been away but
’
,
in addition paid me the extra matiné e money as ,
though I had been acting and th e y had been put to

no trouble and e xpense in finding people to take my
place I doubt if any other management in London
.
—except the D O y l y Cartes — would have act e d

’
with the same extraordinary generosity and I am ,

certain that none of the present day syndicate -
managements would have paid me a farthing for

the time I was away .
I t was an evil day for actors when the City

‘
gents realiz e d that theatres offe r similar possi
’
b il it ie s for gambling to those afforded by mines and

stocks ; that theatrical venture presents all kinds of
O pportuniti e s for miniature variations of the bigg e r
game ; that when th e gamester dares no longer

show his nose in Broad S treet he is welcomed and
,
hail e d with deference and d e light by the ingenuous

young actor who wants to play O thello and by th e
infatuated young pe e r who wants to find a candl e
stick in which to place the candle at which he is
singe ing his whisk e rs The outlawed financi e r
.
finds in theatrical sp e culation what the weather

bound lawn tennis player finds in ping pong
- -
‘
-
.
’
Ce n est pas absolument la guerre mais c est

’
,
’
m ag n ifi q u e tout de m e me ! The novice imagines

that the smallness of the table will hamper the
expert and balance the diffe rence of ex p erience but ,
the more knowing player n e ver comes off second

best I t is always vantage to him and then
.
‘ ’
game .
The syndicate manager cares no more for the

feelings or comfort of the actors in his employ than
for those of the miners who are engaged in a
M issing D iamond Competition in one of his mines .
96 R A N D O M R EM I N I SCE N C ES
fellows N o t that warnings were of much use

.
,
however for the bogus managers w e re gen e rally

,
notorious men but the actor out of work was often

in so desperate a plight that he would knowingly
engage with a rogue and hope that a chance success
,
might turn him honest But th e London actor was

.
practically certain of his s alary and the pale faced ,

-
m anager tearing Citywards in a hansom cab on a -
Friday morning to tr y and ra i se enough for the

night s treas ury was in those days an unfamiliar
’ ‘ ’
sight.
I started on tour in the autumn of 1 8 79 with

Charles Kelly and E llen Ter ry They were in .
variably charming and kind to me and so w as my ,
faithful old friend K emble who came wi th us ; but,
the rest of the troupe were less sympath e tic M y .
disillusions began early The bulk of the company

.
had to trav e l th ird class O u r l e ading man wore

-
.
‘ ’
a frock coat and a battered straw hat and travelled

- -
,
in carpet slippers ; another of my new fri e nds

donn e d a green embroidered smoking cap with a -
yellow tassel another a purpl e knitted Tam o

,
-
’
S h an t e r A s soon as the train sta rted th e y spread

.
x
an imitation leopard skin rug ov e r their knees and

-
commenced playing penny nap —and quarrelling

over it A t stations where we stopped for more
.
tim e than was necessa ry for a run to the bar and

b ack they became appallin g ly playful ; they would
C I R CU S S LA NG 97
hurl old j ests at the porters an d pelt passing pas ,
s e n e rs with a shower of stale pleasantries from last

g
y e ar s N uneaton pantomime A n d I have never
’
.
seen any theatrical company cross the border into

S cotland without one of the comedians performing
an imitation S cotch reel on the platform generally ,
with a railway ru g twisted round him and exclaim

-
,
ing H oo s a w i ye ? to the nearest station

,
‘ ’ ’ ’ ’
official .
A mongst th e mselves the conv e rsation of my ,
fellow com e dians was far from mod e st and was

-
,
mostly about their triumphs histrionic and romantic , .
I t was often interspersed with that strange jargon

which certain newspapers attribute to all actors but ,
which I have only heard in the lowest theatrical

circles Om e e of Me casa meant the manager of
’ ‘
.
the theatre (n omo ae ll a casa) m n l e e e al l io a

’ ‘
z ,
’
very bad ( mol i o cal l ioo) ’ ‘

n a n te e ae n a r e e no ‘ ’
,
’
money (n ie n e a ina r o) Lodgings were called

’
z
‘ ’
.
‘
digs ; salary was screw
’
What time are ‘
.
’ ‘
salaries paid ? When does th e ghost walk

’
? A nd
’
for some inscrutable reason all these strange tatter ,
d e m al io n s between whom there was no atom of

,
lov e lost invariably addressed each other by the

,
affe ctionate term of laddie .

’
I remember one day at a rehearsal of the ,
M erchant of Venice the Bassanio advanced at ,

’
the end of his Casket scene with outstretched arms ,
7
98 R A N D O M R E M I N I S C EN C ES
prepare d according to the stage directions to

, ,
e mbrac e the Lady of B e lmont Poor M iss Terry .
starte d back with a look of terror ; th e n recovering ,
h e rs e lf said with gre at presenc e of mind N o M r

, ,
.
S ykes we don t do that business ; you e r you

’
— —
,
mer e ly kiss my hand I t s mor e Venetian Oh .

’
.
’
come M iss Terry expostulated M r S ykes with

, ,
’
.
,
an engaging leer ; you re c u tt in all the fat out ‘ ’ ’ “
of my part .
’
When we put up at an inn we were generally ,
taken in and done for on commercial terms and ’

,
all o w e d as a great p rivil e ge to u s e the comm e rcial

, ,
room T h e e tiquette and c e remonial of that sanctum

.
was strict and quaint T h e commercial gentl e men .
— or as they playfully t e rmed thems e lv e s

w e r e always e xtraordinarily amiabl e and hospi t able
and tol e rant of artistic vagaries Th e y were ‘ ’
.
certainly Bayards as compared with ou r company .
But gen e ral l y the small e r salaried actors stayed in -
theatrical lodgings ; thes e as a rul e w e re terribly , ,
stuffy dirty little dens but ch e ap I used usually

, , .
to find facing my bed a grinning lithograph of a

popular country comedian c alled J oe E ldred who , ,
I fancy used to present this work of art to the

,
various landladies in part discharge of his bill I .
also had for my sins to subs ist a good deal on a

, ,
favourite stew of his strongly flavoured with onions ,
and Worcester sauce .

100 R A N D O M R E M I N I S CE N C E S
ahead of her as s h e li e s awake staring into th e

,
night that o n e day a London manager will chanc e

,
to b e passing thro ugh B armby o n th e M arsh will - - -

,
see h e r p lay Paulin e and carry her off to fame and

,
fortune But she nev e r catches her Will O the

.
-
’
-
wisp .
I have a very vivid recoll e ction of the last few

days of my first theatrical tour We finish e d at .
N e wcastle I was staying at the Crown and M itr e

.
with K e lly and his wife I dev e loped a kind .
—
of ague alt e rnate fits of fe ver and shivering ,
with a good deal of sickness — and I had a head

which ached as though it contained a cannon ball -
.
M y kind employers begged me to give up my part

but although it was a small o n e there was no one
, ,
to take my place and I should have caused an

,
infinite deal of trouble if I had given in S o I .
insisted on playing The last two nights during

.
,
performance I had to lie on the stage in the first

,
entrance wrapped in blankets while waiting for my

various cues I trav e lled back to London on
.
S aturday night in a third class carriage full of my -
boisterous c o mpanions all smoking p ipes and all ,
playing cards I managed to get a few hours sleep

.
’
by lying under the seat where there were a few ,
inches of breathable air .
When I reached home I sent for a general ,
practitioner in the neighbourhood who told me I ,

SI R WI L L I A M J E N N ER 101
was a bit run down and prescribed a tonic

‘
,
’
,
generous diet and p lenty of exercis e A fte r a day

,
.
or two of unspeakable misery w e called in H ermann

We ber who immediat e ly sent me to be d and told
, ,
m e I had be e n suffering for over a w e ek from

ty p hoid fever Many years afterwards I was
.
amus e d by a young actor who appli e d to me for ,
an e ngagement in some company I was organizing ,
who said : I have a slight claim upon you M r

‘
,
.
B ro o k fi e l d because my sister was once engaged to

,
b e married to t h e doctor who first attended you

when you had typhoid H e was alluding to the .
’
g e neral practitioner .
M y attack was a pretty bad o n e S ir William .
J enner was call e d in in consultation H e was a .
d e lightful man and his bedside manner was a

,
‘ ’
lesson to all young doctors H e would enter the .
room slowly fold up his gre at coat put his hat on

,
-
,
the top of it with his glov e s insid e and then s e ttle

, ,
down into an easy chair and convers e for awhile -
upon g e neral topics as though you were the only,
patient he had in the world .
A bout four years ago when I was living in the ,
I sle of Wight I got into a railway carriage at

,
-
S outhampton and discov e red that my only com

,
panion was S ir William J enn e r on his way from ,
O sborn e . H e had attended three m e mb e rs of my

family at various times besides myself H owev e r , .
,
when h e chance d to glanc e my way th e re was no

recognition in his kind old e y e s n o r in his refin e d ,
if somewhat M ongolian fe ature s But I was d e t e r ,

.
mined to ren e w our acquaintance and I p res e ntly ,
introduc e d mys e lf O f course you don t rem e mb e r

.
,
’
m e S ir William I said but you may p e rhaps

’ ‘
, ,
remember my father whom you attend e d in his last ,
illness in 1 8 74 and I mentioned my father s name ’

.
S ir William s professional memory immediat e ly

’
awok e . O f co u rs e yes ! he exclaimed ;

‘
I re ,
’ ‘
m e mber th e case A n d he recapitulated every .

’
symptom and e very variation of my fath e r s illness ’
as though h e w e re re ading from a diary Th e n .

‘
,
’
h e proc e e d e d I r e m e mb e r I att e nd e d y ou for

,
‘
ty p hoid in 1 8 79 Th e re was a littl e com p lication

.
,
I r e coll e ct which gave us a c e rtain amount o f

,
trouble A n d he proceeded to r e call ev e ry d e tail

.
’
of the littl e complication

‘
A n d didn t I attend .
’ ‘ ’
your mother in 1 8 8 1 h e proce e d e d having onc e ,
pige on holed the family as it were A n d again h e

-
, .
re viewed every detail of ne r cas e .
Pres e ntly on the same j ourney h e describ e d to

, ,
m e how once in his student days he had started to

go to the old pit of the H aymarket Theatre in ,
ord e r not so much to s e e th e plays perform e d as to

, ,
e t a glimps e of H er M ajesty the Que e n and t h e

g
Prince Consort who were to honour th e theatre
,
with th e ir pres e nce that night We had to wait .

‘
104 R A ND O M R EM I N I SCEN C ES
palm as a r e ward for him who should finally tak e

me into the manager s pre senc e ’
.
H ollingshead engage d m e forthwith to play at

the Crystal Palace in the great Christmas panto
mim e entitled Jack the G iant killer or H arlequin
‘ -
,
Fairy S pit e ful Good K ing A rthur and the K nights

, ,
of the R ound Table M y part was that of K ing

.
’
A rthur describ e d in th e programme as

,
a good ‘
s ov e r e
ig n worth t w e n t
y s nil l in s in the pound
g
— a
v e ry fair sample of the humour that pervaded the

entire book of the pantomime .
B e fore I left home the morning of our first

rehearsal my dear mother implored me with tears
,
in her eyes to make a concession to th e prej udice of

my broth e r who had all along been opposed to my
,
going on to the stag e and to change my nam e, .
This I firmly refused to do I knew that s h e herself

.
had no wish that I should assum e a pseudonym so ,
I disregarded her e ntreaties and drove to t h e ,
Gaiety Th e atre with th e set determination to a pp e ar

in the bills in my own full nam e But my pride .
had a terribl e fall I was standing in a corner with

.
a group of other young aspirants when M r R obert , .
S outar the stag e manag e r cam e up to us

,
-
,
A re .
‘
you the gentlem e n who are playing in the opening ? ’
he inquired W e murmure d that we w e re

. W e ll .
‘
,
with r e gard to your names in the programm e we re ,

’
using the fish sauces this year You ll be M r .

’
.
C O L W N S P E R Q U I SI T E S
’
105
Burgess you re M r Worcester you re M r Laz e nby

,
’
.
,
’
.
,
and you re M r H arvey A n d he passed on There

’
. .
’
.
was no appeal from his decision and I accordingly ,
had to appear as M r F Burgess . .

’
There is a curious unwritt e n law o r custom in

pantomime that th e clown has the exclusive right
to any extra sums to be made by advertising trade
wares in the comic scenes There was a terrible
‘
.
’
scene behind one afternoon when the gentleman

‘ ’
,
who played G o rg ibu s te r the giant came on in a

‘ ’
front scene in the opening with an enormous ‘ ’
‘
property ocarina and pretended to play a solo
’
,
,
,
which was really played in the orchestra The .
clown discov e red that the giant had enter e d into a

contract with th e proprietor of the ocar i na stall and ,
accordingly waited for his brother artist and chas

t is e d him . The giant retaliat e d I re member by , ,
coming e arly to the theatre a few days later and

p utting broken glass into the clown s tights but ’
, ,
fortunately this was discov e r e d in tim e

, .
I t was during this pantomim e engagement that I

had the good fortune to receive an offer again ,
through H enry K e m bl e s influ e nce to go to the ’
Bancrofts who were about to open th e H aymark e t

’
Th e atre with a r e vival O f M on ey H ollingsh e ad .
v e ry good natur e dly r e leased m e at a mom e nt s

-
’
notic e and I at onc e b e gan r e hearsing I was cast

,
.
for S harp th e solicitor who r e ads th e will Both

,
.
106 R A N D O M R E M I N I SCE N C E S
the Bancrofts w e re and are as e veryone knows ex , , ,
t rao rd in aril
y kind but I remember fe eling
, a littl e
bewildered after I had shyly r e ad through th e will

for the first time M rs B as she was always
. . .
,
called in those days beckoned me to her and said

-
, , ,
E xce l l e n t M r B ro o k fi e l d quite excellent ! but

, .
,
don t you think y ou might take I t perhaps a s naae

’
'
mor rapidly
e —
S harp you know that s the key ,
’
to the character H e doesn t care twop e nce about

.
’
old M ordaunt ; he simply wants to g e t through his

business and hurry on somewhere e lse S o next tim e .
a l ittl e bit quicker if you don t mind A n d t h e ,

’
.
’
next moment B link e d his arm in mine and took

.
m e on one side and said with kindly e arnestness

, ,
‘
First rat e my dear fe llow quit e first rat e ! but
, ,
j ust a tr ifle hu rri e d don t you think Th e s e old

? ’
family solicitors don t y ou know they lik e to take

, ,
their time This old fe llow drew up the will him

.
s e lf most lik e ly and h e d enj oy ladling out his own

,
’
stuff so next time a l ittk bit slower if you don t

, ,
’
mind .
’
I wish stage managers of to day could have seen

- -
,
or if th e y ev e r s aw would r e member how Bancroft

, , ,
conduct e d rehearsals T h e plays he produced were .
quite as e laborat e ly mounted as those of to day ( he -
was of cours e the first manager to giv e e laborate

, ,
mounting to modern com e d y ) and to my mind th e y ,
w e re far bett e r acted A nd yet h e gav e us v e ry .

108 R A N D O M R EM I NI SC EN C ES
choking black fog the cabman l e ading his horse , .
M ost young m e n of to day would consider th e y -
had done th e ir duty am p ly were they merely to call

a cab .
Poor Frank Marshall had lost a finger in e arly

life and wore a kid fi ng e r stall partially to conc e al
,
-
th e deficiency H e was very popular not only for

.
,
his sterling goodness but also for his many ac ,
c o m l is h m e n t s
p A mongst these o n e of
. t h e most ,
highly rated among his graminivorous friends was a

-
pretty talent in the mixing of a s al ad A ccordingly .

,
at dinner tim e at the S heridan Club as his friends

-
,
dropped in to dine and saw him commencing ,
lovingly to f atig e r a crisp cos lettuc e in a tiny u -
bath of oil and vinegar they would pr e sume on his ,
good nature and cry Frank make me one at the

, , ,
same tim e ! O h and Frank make enough for me

’
, , ,
too ! A n d beaming with satisfaction at the com

’
l im e n t to his skill Frank would call for mor e

p ,
lettuces and chives and tarrago n and tri p le the

, , ,
size of the p e rfum e d bouqu e t in front of him .
D on t you put s ug a r in inquired one anxious to

’
? ’
appear a connoiss e ur H eavens no ! Frank re .

,
’
pli e d no one but a German would dre am of such

an outrage I know a fe llow e xclaimed another
.
’
,
’
‘
who always puts in a teaspoonful of absinthe .
’
‘
That s a N e w York barbarism re torted Frank
’
,
’
blandly continuing to chop up his herbs into

,
A N D, H A LF SU SP ECTED
-
109
minute fragments and to mix his salad his own way ,
which h e kn e w to b e unrivalled A n d sure enough

.
, ,
t h e e n d cr o wn e d t h e work E v e ryon e was d e

.
light e d A few more n e ighbours b e gged for stray

.
leaves and finally o n e enthusiastic gourmand wiped

,
the bowl round with a ball of bread and turned up ,
his ey e s in ecstasy as he gulped down the savoury

morsel But the face of the found e r of th e feast
.
w o re a troubled expression What s the matter

.
‘ ’
Frank asked one of his friends

? ’
O h nothing
.
‘
, ,
’
replied Frank peering round the polished bowl

, ,
‘
—
only only I se e m to have lost my fi ng e r
stall !
’
C H A PT E R VI
- —
O d e l l H is d i scre ti o n H s me d i a sc i e e
i c l n c — H is su sce p t ibi l i ty
— H is v i si t to A m e ri ca—H is re ti c e n c e — H is app re c i ati o n o f
d e tai l — M y e x p e ri e n c e as a t e a c h e r o f e l o c u t i o n — A s a s tag e
m an ag e r to am ate u rs — An as pi ran t k L
w h o w as to ta e
’
o nd o n
by sto rm .
IT was wh e n I join e d the H aymarket company that

I first met O dell probably t h e most remarkabl e a d
,
n
popular B ohemian in London Th e re are many .
men who claim to b e B o h e mians on th e stre n gth of

ill manners and a soiled shirt But O d e ll is a
-
.
g e nuine gipsy by t e mp e rament H e could not be .
conv e ntional if he tried nor could he if he would ,
al low a thought for his personal interest to tramm e l
his picturesque humour I imagine that th e Ban .
crofts engaged him as a comedian of the sam e

,
school as the late George H on e y for th e part of ,
Graves Then I expect A rthur Cecil reb e lled

.
, ,
against the part of S ir J ohn V e sey and this may

‘
have be e n how the latter part came to be finally

allotted to O d e ll I do not believe that O dell was
.
ever born and this would account for the fact that
,
no one knows his age I believe that when the .

1 12 R A N D O M R EM I N I SCEN C E S
‘
the cl e ar D uchess wo u ld b e re ally o ffe nd e d if he ’
—
disappointed h e when O d e ll enter e d the room
r .
E v e ryone was for a moment struck dumb at his

audacity in v e nturing so suddenly to intrud e M iss .
D ietz swung round her chair and turn e d her b ack ,
upon him A s soon as w e had re covere d however

.
, ,
someone resumed t h e conversati o n A n d wher e .
are y on going for your holiday M iss D ietz 7 Oh ,

” ‘
,
’
exclaimed O dell r e plying for her in his drawling

, ,
voice of ind e scribable quali ty we re not going to ,

‘ ’
tell a ny one where we re going ! ’ ’
O n another occasion poor M rs Bancr o ft had .
wounded h e r hand rather severely with a bread

knife and she was oblig e d to appear with her arm
,
in a sling We all stood round her praised her

.
,
pluck and expr e ssed our sym p athy S h e h e rself

,
.
,
however made very light of the c asualty

, S ir .
‘
H enry Thompson says it will soon be well she told ,

’
us . B u t h e said it was a pr e tty bad gash

‘
He .
said it was very lucky for me that I m not a drinker ’

.
I drink very little besid e s milk and now and then a

littl e out of Bogi e s p int of clare t so that my
’ ”
,
flesh heals extraordinarily quickly I t se e ms that s .

’
not so with the poor peopl e who drink A slight .
wound may be a very serious thing to anyone

with a quantity of alcohol in the system Oh .
’
‘
yes observed O dell from the back of the

,
’
group that s a very well known fact I ndeed

,
‘ ’
-
.
,
SU SC E TI B I P LITY 1 13
I often cut my finger j ust to see if I v e had

,
’
enough ?
When the world was many years younger O dell , ,
at some small country theatre played the J udge in ,
a version of E ffie D eans I n an early part of the

.
’
play it was his duty to condemn the heroine to death .
But he was so affected by her piteous appeal as well ,
as by her beauty and charm that instead of imposing , ,
the extreme penalty of the law he stopp e d the case , ,
acquitted h e r and told her that she left the court

,
without a stain upon her character H e proc e eded .
to thank the jury for th e attention they had paid to

the case and told them they had exemption for five
,
years H e then rose and pre pared to leave the

.
,
court N 0 one kn e w what to do T h e stage

. .
manager fle w to the side and conc e aling his fury as ,
well as he could implored the actor to go back and

,
am e nd his d e cision A ccordingly O d e ll resumed th e

.
,
thron e of j ustic e and calling back the unfortunate

, ,
E ffi e said to her in solemn tones

,
Prison e r at the
bar th e pardon that I late pronounced was an i dle
,
j est I did but dally for a mom e nt with your feelings

. .
The actual sentence of the court upon you is that ,
you b e taken back to the cell from which you

came . A n d he proceeded to sentence her to
death in due form .
O dell has often threatened to go to A merica and ,
on such occasions he has been fe ted at farewell

8
1 14 R A N D O M R EM I N I SC EN C ES
su p pers by his myriads of friends and has re main e d ,
at home to their gr e at r e lief and de light T h e o nly

, .
tim e he actually went to that int e resting Tran satlantic

suburb he t old no o n e I t so chanced that Pinero
.
was going by th e sam e boat I t was that brilliant

.
playwright s first e xcursion of the kind and he left

’
this c o untry with a good d e al of cere mony Th e re .
was a s p e cial carriage full of corr e spondents who ,
trav e lled to Liverpool to s e e him off They ac co m .
a n ie d t h e illustrious author on board his v e ss e l and

p ,
as the tend e r l e ft th e side of the Cunarder there was

much che e ring and waving of handk e rchiefs and ,
e v e n we e ping A s t h e little boat fad e d out of sight

.
in th e directi o n of Liv e rpool and the ocean gre y

,
hound bad e her fare w e ll through a hoars e st e am

hooter and dipped h e r nose int othe wav e s Pin e ro
, , ,
hims e lf a littl e overcom e by emotion turned from ,
the taffrail and suddenly saw seat e d at his e lbow

, , ,
the quaint form of his old fri e nd O dell looking ,
—
exactly as usual the same coat the same hat the , ,
same locks O dell ! cried Pinero in astonishm e nt

.
‘ ’
, .
Why what on earth are you doing here

,
? Im
’ ’
I m se e ing myself off replied O dell simply

’ ’
.
,
The skipper at first fought rather shy of O dell .
H e may hav e suspected him to be a pirate in

disguise but after a fe w d ay s when he found how ,
popular a passenger he had on board he resolved to ,
unbend H e met o ur friend on the upper deck

. .
1 16 R A N D O M R EM I N I SC EN CE S
woman a fri e nd of min e M rs A rthur Cohen wife

, ,
.
,
of the M ember for S outhwark s h e wants someone

to teach her young people to read aloud and I said ,
she couldn t do b e tter than send for you

’
But I .
’ ‘
couldn t possibly I re monstrated

’
I hav e n t the
,
’
.
‘
’
faintest id e a how to set about such a thing What .
is th e re to be taught ? and how can o ne teach it

O h nons e nse ! said Warr ; it ll com e quit e e asily
’ ‘ ’
‘
,
to you I t ll do you a lot of good and th e y r e

.
’
,
’
charming p e ople A ccordingly I —

call e d in
.
’
H olland Park I think it was I found M rs Co h en . .

,
as my fri e nd had d e scribed a most delightful ,
woman beaming with kindliness and good humour -

,
but I was a littl e ta ken aback when she p re s e ntly

asked m e A n d have you had much success with
,
yo ur syst e m of t e aching Mr B ro o kfi e ld Well , .
er I stamm e re d my system has— e r— s o far b e en

,
’
,
more — e r— theore tical than practical M rs Coh e n .

’
.
mad e no doubt good nature d allowanc e for my

, ,
-
obvious nervousn e ss and told me to call the next ,
aft e rnoon at fi v e to give my first lesson T h e .
following day sick with appre hension I threw into

, ,
a handbag a few books Bell s M odern S peak e r ‘ ’
,
’
‘
Carp e nter s Popular R eadings and a S hakespeare
’
,
’
and mad e my way to H olland Park I t was a .
foggy e v e ning but I presently made out the palace

,
for which I was bound looming through the mist .
I had to walk up and down once or twice befor e I

A N E O C UT I O N L L ESSON 1 17
could summon up courage to seek admission A t last .
I hardened my heart ran blindly up the st e ps and , ,
rang the bell A re the young ladies at home ? I

.
‘ ’
asked . I n the dining room sir replied the -

, ,
’
butler ; and I was ush e red into a lofty comfortable ,
room where I saw five or six young ladies ranging

, ,
in age from sev e nteen to six perhaps s e at e d round , ,
a large tabl e I made them an awkward ob e isance

.
,
and sidled into a chair between th e fire and the

lamp T h e girls said nothing but simply stared at
.
,
me with frank wide open eyes , I think our b e st

-
.
‘
plan will be I said opening my bag for me first

,
’
, ,
—
of all to read to you say th e Trial scen e from the
“
M erchant of Venice — and for you afterwards to ”
read it out to me I then cleared my throat and .

’
commenced What is A ntonio here “

R eady , ,
so please your Grace I am sorry for thee thou .
art come to answer a stony adversary ( here I

noticed rather to my dismay the eldest young lady
, ,
slipped out of the room ) an inhuman wretch u n ,

“
capabl e of pity void and e mpty from any dram of

,
mercy .
( H
”
er e t h e s e cond girl mad e a swift and
adroit exit ) By th e time I had got to brassy

.
‘
bosoms and rough hearts of flint I was alon e with ’
the six year old whose brow puck e red whose li p

- -
, ,
curled and who suddenly tore out o f the room after

,
her sisters shrieking for all s h e was worth I was

, .
wondering if this was a common experience o f

e locution masters and if so what th e y g e n e rally

-
, , ,
did next wh e n the eld e st sister returned grave and

, ,
erect and said Mamma thinks there must be some

, ,
mistake Will you kindly tell us who you are

.
I sn t this M rs Cohen s I inquired e vasiv e ly as

’ ’
.
,
th e truth b e gan to dawn upon m e N o r e p lied

’
.
,
the girl M rs Cohen s is N o 6 a few doors low e r .

’
.
,
down .
’
A n actor may sometimes add a guinea or two to

his banking account by officiating as stage manager -
t o amateurs but it is a position r e quiring an infinit e

,
amount of tact I rem e mber H arry K emble was .
once e ngag e d to produce The Parv e nu for some ‘ ’
distinguish e d company of unprofessional comedians ,
and although he had play e d in the piece at the

Court Theatre during a very long run they de ,
cided unanimously that he knew nothing whatever

about i t
N o w then Tracey said Kemble you ve got to
‘ ’ ‘ ’
, , ,
get a little more ov e r .

’
Why inquired th e young Baronet who was

‘
? ’
,
playing the light comedy part with a glassy stare ,

.
Why to make room for Claude Glynn e s e n

‘
,
’
trance explain e d th e stage manager

,
’
-
.
E xcuse me K embl e replied the other with a ’
, , ,
shake of the head that s not my reading of the ,

‘ ’
part at all I feel the fellow standing perfectly

.
—
still rigid
T he re hearsal comm e nced E verybody entere d .
wh e re they pleas e d that is to say each o n e reached ,
the c e ntre of the stage by the nearest rout e from

where he happened to be standing or sitting
gen e rally across the footlights P e ople got in front .
of o n e another ; if a chair was in anyone s way he ’
m e re ly said O f course that mustn t be there

,
‘
,
’
,
’
and handed it into th e audience ; and when th e

said chair was presently n e ed e d by another charact e r ,
h e simply e xclaim e d I say ther e ought to be a ,

‘
,
chair h e re and it was handed back Th e n t e a

,
’
.
was brought in to the oth e r e n d of the room and ,
the leading lady had to leave her place on t h e

stage to pour it out and called out her lines from , ,
as it were the back of the pit But at last I

, .
ga thered the play had come to an end so I ,
ranged the company before me and asked them

Who has been coaching you ? ’
‘
H ow do you mean ? inquired my hostess ’
sweetly .
I mean I explain e d who had been training

’ ‘
‘
, ,
you before you s e nt for me Who taught you to

?
,
—
move to speak to act in fact ? ,
’
‘
Why nobody said they looking from one to
, ,
’
the other .
Well I can only say I t s the most e xtr aor d in ary

,
thing I ever saw I said not without a substratum ,
of truth H e re s my block for not e s and I h e ld it

.
’
A M A TEU R M O DESTY 121
up . N o t a word upon it I haven t a s ing l e sug .

’
gestion to make I can t be of any use to you .

’
.
You ve taught me a lesson I assure you I t has

’
, .
often puzzled me to know how amateurs managed

with only five or six short rehearsals to p e rform
heavy plays which take us five or six weeks of hard
work to produce I v e come to the conclusion that.
’
it s a gift that what w e labour and strive after and

’
, ,
ge nerally fail to attain comes quite naturally to you , .

’
M y remarks w e r e greeted with enthusiastic and

corroborative applause E ach of t h e company in .
turn took me aside and mad e me c o n fi d e n c e s .
You know my d e ar fe llah one said it d id go

, ,
’
,
‘
smoothly But d y o u know why

. Because I held ’
it together I w ou l d n t let it drop D idn t you

.
’
.
’
notice
A nother said : I m awfully glad you were
’
pleased but by George ! it was a job having to tell

, , ,
every one of em what to do I shan t play anoth e r

’
.
’
year I t takes it out of me to o much I t does

. .
indeed I s aid I wouldn t act this tim e but they

.
’
talked me over .
’
The one who played the low comedy part told me -
he had had several offers to go upon the stage but ,
h e fe lt it wouldn t be fair on his actor friends

’
It .
would int e rfere with th e ir getting a living Whil e .
one of the ladies told me that Clarkson the p e rru ,
qu ie r had ,told her he considered that in tragic parts

122 RA N D O M R EM I N I SCEN CE S
s hewas quit e th e e qual of E llen T e rry But o n e .
and all agre e d that n e ver had th e y had so thoroughly

competent a profe ssional coach .
What we should hav e done without you e x

‘
claimed my hostess with raised eyebrows and a sad ,
smil e .
O n the evening of the p e rformance my nam e

app e are d in large l e tt e rs on th e programmes T h e
whole produc e d u nd e r the dire ction of M r Charles .
"
B ro o k fi e l d o f t h e H aymarket Theatre E veryon e
’
.
,
was delighted I was publicly thanked b e f ore th e

.
curtain and it was ge n e rally admitted that whatev e r

, ,
might b e my merits as an actor th e y were entirely ,
e clipsed by my genius for stag e manag e ment -

.
M any y e ars ago when I had been quit e a short

,
tim e on the stage and when my O pinion was even

,
more valueless than it would be now an old gentle ,
man and his wife called upon me with their daughter

to consult me about her becoming an actress .
’
—
The father was foreign M exican or S outh A m e rican
— and spoke with great enthusiasm about his ‘
daughter s genius and th e certainty of h e r succ e ss

’
’
.
We propose to take D rury Lane just for o n e or ,
two matinées that the world may s e e what my littl e

,
girl can do he remark e d,

’
Then we should simply .
sit at home and consider the O ffers from managers

as th e y came in I don t think I should let her play
.
’
every night Three or at most fo ur times a week

.
, ,
124 R A N D O M R E M I N I S CE N C ES
tw e lve shillings a week I f you could give me a .
word to speak it would bring it up to a pound

, .
’
Very w e ll I ll speak t o S ir A u g ustus I said

.
’
,
’
.
Who are you

S h e told me h e r name which conv e yed nothing ,
to me .
O f cours e you can t remember m e s h e said with

’ ’
, ,
a sad littl e smile M y fath e r and mother brought

.
m e to s e e you in T h u l o e Place y e ars ago

,
r J ust , .
b e fore my matinée of M uch A d o P e rhaps you

“
.
”
didn t hear of it Th e re was some mistak e or a

’
?
,
counter attraction or som e thing and it wasn t noticed

-
,
’
—
in th e papers at least only in one or two We , .
gav e up th e id e a of th e M acb e th matinée after “ ”
that Wil l you do what you can

.
I assured her that I would I didn t dare ask

’
.
h e r if her father and mother were still alive There .
was a f ar on e ne air about her which seemed to repel

inquiry But I spoke to my collaborator who at
.
,
once consented that she should have a lin e to speak

( I think it was : A ren t you coming in old
’
chap ,
The next day at re hearsal I sent for her But I .
l e arned that it had been d e cid e d to reduc e the

number of e xtras by six and that my unfortunat e
‘ ’
friend was one of those who had gone N 0 o n e .
knew her address .

C H A PT E R VII
Th e ‘
l e adj v i l —H i
i ng i l p p l i ty—H i w i l —H i
u en e s so c a o u ar s es s
t y t — H i im gi
r s s it —T h T h m V l l y —A l y f
s a na on e a es a e co o n o
d ip m i so —A y g m w
an acsh l i v d b y h i w i t oun an o e s s .
THE leading j uveniles of twenty years ago were

‘
a wonderful study We onc e had two in th e H ay .
market company at the same tim e M r Lancelot . .
had b e en a j uv e nil e for a good many years about

‘
— ’
e e —
fif n p erhaps whereas M r Be au m ain s had only
t , .
r e c e ntly left one of the learn e d p rofe ssions to adorn

the stage A ccordingly h e watched e very action of
.
,
M r Lancelot even off the stage in order to l e arn

.
, ,
how to comport himself as a l e ading romantic West

E n d actor should I f M r Lancelot chanced to e x . .
h ib it a p eere ss s card amongst the invitations which

’
proclaimed his social popularity from t h e frame of

his dressing glass M r Be au m ain s would follow suit
-
, .
to the best of his ability by displaying in th e margin

of his mirror a request for his company from say , ,
the lady of a City knight I f Lancelot during his .

,
‘
wait stood in th e prom p t e ntranc e becomingly
,
’
,
dre ssed in sky blue satin bre e ches and a lac e d -

ball e t shirt ( w e were playing a powder pi e ce just

-
’
then ) apparently watching the scene and all u n

, ,
conscious that h e was the cynosure of thre e pairs

of bright eyes in th e royal box Be au ma in s would ,
app e ar th e following evening in the opposite prompt

first entrance attire d in olive silk bre eches and a
,
shirt of soft whit e oatiste and angle for a glance ,
from the corresponding stage box on th e oth e r side -

.
O nce when we wer e all assembled in t h e gr e e n

,
room Lancelot burst in with an anxious brow

, .
‘
Has anyon e s e e n an e nv e lo p e he inquir e d d ,
’
,
‘
a
dress e d to me in a lady s handwriting Th e re s

? ’ ’
nothing in it only th e re s a d , ( 1 great coron e t

’
which som e body might re cog nis e I t s not the sort .

’
of thing o n e wants to l e av e lying about I t was .

’
n e v e r found But a short time afterwards Beau

.
mains mad e a simila r e ntranc e H as anyone seen .
an e nvelope lying about addressed to me in a

fe minine hand h e ask e d eagerly I t s nothing of .
’
im p ortance only there s an infe rnal great coat o f

,
’
-
arms outsid e and one doesn t want to s e t people

,
’
gossiping This compromising p ie ce d e e ir e onstan e e

.
’ ‘
was n e v e r forthc o ming e ith e r A minor member

, .
of the company wast e d the whol e of the next aft e r

noon in manufacturing an enormous sort of panto
mim e envelope about 30 inches by 1 8 which he
,
-
,
emblazoned with th e royal arms in heraldic colours .
H e chose a moment when both our j uveniles were ‘ ’

128 R A N D O M R E M I N I SC ENC ES
N onsense , you infernal rascal ! N e ver mind

these gentlemen O u t with it at once ! cried his .
’
master rakishly cocking his three cornered hat

,
-
.
The D uchess of R e d cl iffe s compliments sir and ’
, ,
I was to remind you that t h e last Putney bus l e aves

Piccadilly Circus at ten minutes to twelv e .
’
Lancelot smiled at the wit but n e ver forgave

‘
,
t h e satire
’
.
The unfortunate M r Be au m ain s came to a tragic .
e nd . H e fe ll upon bad tim e s some years ago and , ,
sooner than acc e pt the manag e rial valuation of his

s e rvic e s he put an end to his life Poor Lanc e lot
, .
is now so invalided that he gets I am afraid but , ,
little enj oym e nt out of life I t seems a very fe w .
years ago (and yet it is over twenty ) that we were

all living in the Tham e s Valley B e au main s had a .
hous e boat so nic e ly pois e d that I rem e mber wh e n

-
,
Corn e y Grain and I once call e d upon him h e had to

shift th e refrigerator and buffe t to th e port sid e of
the saloon before we could sit safe ly to starboard .
Lanc e lot had a little eight room e d cottage near -
S h e pperton S tation But he had an imaginati o n

.
which must have been giv e n him by a fairy god

moth e r The cottage was called Mo n tre ss o r Villa
. .
’
Lancelot dropped the Villa and M o n tre s s o r ‘

,
’ ‘ ’
—
immediat e ly became in his mind s e y e H oratio ’
a turreted ivy covered family mansion standing in

,
-
the centre of a well timbered estate with a trout -

,
A DI P SO M A N I A C CO ON L Y 129
stream ; while at the same moment the neighbouring

hired loose box where he k e pt his pony became
-
‘
my stables and the tool shed where he kept five
,
’
-
unruly cross bred collies my kennels I one day

-
‘
.
’
met M r Thurston the landlord of the Woburn

.
,
Park H otel who pulled up his dogcart and accosted

,
me I beg your pardon M r B ro o k fi e l d he said

‘ ’
. .
, , ,
but I v e had a letter from M r Lanc e lot asking me

’
.
to come over to M o n t re s s o r to give him an

estimate for thoroughly stocking his wine cellars -
.
I don t k n ow really where M o n t re s s o r lies as I

’
haven t been s e ttled in this part of th e country long

’
.
Could you give me any rough id e a as to th e e xt e nt

of th e c e llarag e th e re ? Well I said it all ’ ‘
,
’
,
‘
d e p e nds wh e ther M r Lancelot intends to u s e t h e

.
cupboard in th e scullery or the cu p b o ard und e r th e

stairs B u t n e ith e r would hold I should say more
.
, ,
than a doz e n and a half I b e li e ve th e ultimate .

’
order was for six bottles of whisky six bottles of ,
claret a bottle of brandy and six siphons

, , .
I had a small furnished cottage at H al l ifo rd a ,
tiny hamlet that joins on to S hepperton on the ,
Thames I n the bar parlour of the S hip H ot e l

.
-
th e re used t o foregath e r a wonderful little band of

stanch old purpl e fac e d dipsomaniacs — M r Full e r
-
.
( st e ward over much of the n e ighbouring property

) ,
Captain Tann e r R N ( retire d ) M ajor Belcher

, . .
,
( retired ) and,
D r Botting ( retir.e d I think owing , ,
9
130 R A N D O M R E M I N I S C E N C ES
to a littl e misunderstanding with the R oyal Coll e ge

of Physicians ) T h e whol e four howev e r were
.
, ,
s e ldom assembled together Where s old Tanner .

‘ ’
to day M ajor B e lcher would ask

-
Poor old .
‘
Tanner D r Botting would r e ply

. H e had a .
‘
nasty fall last night coming back from the A nchor .
S tumbl e d against one of thos e infernal white posts

by the corn e r there bruised his knee and got a , ,
nasty abrasion on his e lbow I m k e eping him in .

’
b e d to day Poor old chap ! Th e y re infernally

’ ‘ ’
-
.
awkward things thos e p o sts especially lat e at night , .
I must s e e if w e can t hav e e m don e away with

’ ’ ’
M r Fuller would r e mark sympath e tically Then

. .
M ajor Belch e r would propos e a stroll t o view th e

spot and aft e r sta n ding for awhile round th e u p
, ,
rooted impediment th e y would saunter into the ,
A nchor and drink to th e ir fri e nd s speedy recovery

’
.
Captain Tanner would r e appear plast e re d and ,
bandaged the next ev e ning and aft e r re ceiving

, , ,
the congratulations of his friends on his recov e ry ,
he would ask B u t where s the doctor

,
‘ ? Poor ’ ’ ‘
old B otting ! H e got v e ry bad last night M ajor ,

’
B elcher would reply H e w ou l d have it there was

.
a hole in th e floor and that a brass alligator was ,
looking out at him S o we put him to bed H e ll. .

’
be as right as rain in a day or two I remember ’

s
o n e of t h e party complained — with some hesitation ,
lest he should be laughed at for his fears —that the

e ffront e ry which was almost i rres i stible H e would .
burst into a private room during a dinn e r party with -
a time table in his hand apologiz e profoundly

-
, ,
explain that he had thought th e room had been

empty then proce e d to consult his A B C talking
, , ,
pleasantly all the time discover that he had lost his ,
last train and int e re st the strangers in his imaginary

,
misfortun e s to such an e xtent that nine times out of

ten th e y would pr e ss him to join th e ir party But .
his most ingenious m e thod for gaining admittanc e

to a circle of strangers was by m e ans of his dog
R ook . S chrod e r would lie on t h e lawn of the
Cherts e y Bridg e H ot e l on a S aturday or S unday
m o rning wh e n steam launch e s were a p t to stop
,
-
th e re for lunch e on A s soon as h e had s e l e ct e d th e

.
party h e would like to join h e would whisp e r to ,
R ook who would apparently of his own accord

, , ,
approach the new comers and commenc e a seri e s of

-
tricks — walk on his hind l e gs turn round stand on -

, ,
his h e ad turn som e rsaults etc

,
R ook ! R o ok ! ,
Come here sir ! S chroder would shout But all to

,
’
.
"
no effect R ook would go stolidly on with his

.
entertainment Then his master would step fo rward

.
,
ca p in hand with his best manner and say : I m

, ,
‘ ’
afraid my dog s annoying you I m most awfully

’
.
’
sorry ! ’
O h no ! N o t in the least ! I never s aw
such a clever dog some daz zling damsel would ,
’
re p ly sweetly Well he is rather cl e ver I got

.
‘
, .
A B OR R O WI NG TA R I FF 133
in rather a p e culiar way e tc A n d S chroder

hi m ,
’
.
would instal himself with his new friends and

e ntertain them until luncheon was announced A nd .
th e n invited or not h e would stroll into the hotel

, ,
with them pick up the win e list and say : I don t

,
-
,
‘ ’
know if you know the wines here I can t re co m .

’
mend th e ir Carte Blanche But their Cl icqu o t s fi rs t

.
’
rate We d better have a magnum hadn t we ?

.
’
,
’ ’
I t would only be about once in ten times that he

—
would get kicked out with ignom i ny and tne n he
didn t mind
’
S chrod e r as a borrower never committed the

, ,
folly of killing th e goos e who laid the eggs of gold

or silver as th e case might be H e would try the
, .
‘ ’
goose pr e tty high but nev e r actually kill it I

‘
,
’
.
fancy h e had the gift of re ckoning at a glanc e th e

‘
touchable value of those about him ; that is to
’
say h e would calculate : A is good for three

,
sixpenny drinks per di e m and five shillings now and ,
th e n say once a month ; B wouldn t s tand frequ e nt

,
’
‘
tapping once and a possibl e fiver later on is
, ,
about his form C is worth k e eping for a desperat e

e merg e ncy a tel e gram fro m abroad — say Luggage ,
lost friends trav e lling pl e ase send 50 urge nt ; will

, , ,
e xplain or something of that kind O n e aft e rnoon

’
.
,
h e confid e d to m e that he was in urgent need of a

—
sovereign I forget for what specific purpos e But .
he told me this with no a r r i r e pe nse e H e knew ‘

e
'
.
134 RA N D O M R E M I N I SCEN C ES
that he had had all that he re ckoned hims e lf entitled

to out of me for the tim e being and he m e rely said , ,
I want a sovereign badly as another might say I

’
, ,
want a holiday badly A n d I repli e d in the same .

’
sort of s p irit I m sure I ho p e you ll manage to get

,
’ ’
it That evening in the bar parlour of the S hip

.
’
,
-
,
the conversation turned upon baldness ( the missing

member of th e conclave upon this occasion was
M ajor Be lch e r who was t e mporarily indispos e d with
,
alcoholic blood poisoning ) Various sp e cifics were

-
.
r e viewed but presently D r Botting asserted with

,
.
,
t h e authority of a man of scienc e that no combina ,
ti o n of tonics and emolli e nts could e qual a simple

d e coction of clock roots A glimmer sh o n e in th e .
e y e of S chroder who until this moment had b e e n

,
sitting sil e nt in a corner Would you mind writing .
that down doctor he asked advancing to th e tabl e

, ,
with a slip of pa per and a pen With pleasure my .

,
dear boy said the doctor A n d he proceed e d to

,
’
.
writ e out with som e difficulty a simpl e receipt :

, ,
Simm e r dock roots in water and rub in the strained ,
liquid on the head daily A n d d y o u mind signing .

’ ‘ ’
it asked S chrod e r
? ’
N o t at all replied the oth e r
.
,
’
who rath e r enjoyed signing his name with the

initials of his old degrees A n d th e slip of pap e r .
was duly embellish e d with a flourishing A lexand e r

Botting M A M D D S c The following morn
,
. .
, . .
, . .
’
ing S chrod e r call e d upon m e early H e possess e d .

,
136 R A N D O M R E M I N I SC EN C E S
n e e d hardly tell you : T h e H air Re store r B otting -
Company Limit e d ; cap ital

,
in share s ,
of £ 1 each where of 40 are Found e rs Share s

,
’
.
I ssue of ordinary share s p ayabl e as follows

I cannot spar e you any mor e of my tim e
‘
,
sir I nterrupted th e financier

,
Will you be so good .
as to D irectors r e ad out S chroder : C a p tain

‘ ’ ‘
,
Tann e r R N M ajor B e lcher M r Full e r M r

, . .
, , . , .
— —
S chroder that is mys e lf D r Botting who will j oin .
,
t h e board aft e r allotment Temporary offices : th e .
S hip H otel H all ifo rd Leav e my office cried ’ ‘

.
,
S c h w a rz c h il d I f you prefer that w e should work

.
‘
—
it privat e ly just you and I sugge st e d S chrod e r ,
’
in a rath e r confid e ntial und e rton e M r S chmitz .

‘
.
,
’
shri e k e d th e merchant turn this man out " But

,
‘
S chroder chang e d his tactics H e app e aled to

”
M r S c h w ar c h il d told him that he was an orphan

. z , ,
that h e had n e v e r had a chanc e that at last he had

’
been dazzled by th e prosp e ct of making a fortun e

out of this discovery that h e h e ld in his hand a —
discovery r e c e ntly mad e by a distress e d man of

science and in which d e spite M r S ch w a c h il d s
, , . rz
’
indiffe renc e he still b e li e ved th e re was a fortun e

, .
H e even contriv e d to w e e p M r S c h w ar c h il d . . z ,
who was a generously dispos e d man soften e d ,
towards th e disappointed young stranger and offe red ,
him a sovere ign N o sir replied S chroder

. Im , ,
’
.
’
not quite reduc e d to that But so that there shall .

,
H O S I TA P L I TY U N D ER D I FF I CU LT I ES 137
be no e l e ment of favour in the matter I will s e ll y o u ,
this receipt for th e nominal sum of A nd

fe e ling that it was aft e r all not much to pay to get
, ,
rid of so persist e nt a visitor M r S c h w a r ch il d paid

‘
, . z
the money and secured all rights in the Botting

nostrum .
O n e morning S chroder ran into the road opposit e

the A nchor and stopped three of his fri e nds .
Come in you fellows he cri e d b e aming all over

, ,
his face Then he added in an exultant whisper

.
, ,
‘
Th e re s a new barmaid and sne d oe s n t y e t kn ow
’
,
’
’
I m n ot a l l ow e d cre d it The four boon companions
trooped into the littl e bar Good morning M iss .
-
,
M idd l e d itc h said S chroder polit e ly

,
’
We want .
‘
l e t s s e e — two b e st S cotch whiskies o n e brandy

’
, ,
one gin and a larg e and a small s e ltzer divid e d

, .
A n d won t you join us yours e lf M iss M id d l e dit c h

’
O h thanks said that y oung lady languidly

’
I
‘ ‘
, , ,
don t mind if I hav e a little drop of Ben e dictin e

’
.
’
A h taa l s right said S chroder cordially adding

‘ ’ ’
, , , ,
M y numb e r s The damsel s e rved the drinks

’
with th e air of a banished peeress humming a

"
m e lancholy m e lody the while M y l o ve to you ‘

,
’
she said graciously to th e company as s h e raised her

glass and she proc e e d e d to e nter t h e amount of
,
two and t e np e nc e to th e debit of N o 2 2 While . .
she was thus e ngaged M r B e nnett the landl o rd ,

.
e nt e r e d sudd e nly and took in th e situation at a

,
138 R A N D O M R EM I N I S C EN C ES
glance N o w then M r S chrod e r he exclaimed

’
. .
, , ,
this is a great d e al too bad You know distinc tly .
th e understanding that my young ladies are not

allowed to give you credit and you take ad ,
vantage H ush ! hush ! pleaded S chroder

‘ ’
.
‘
Before my guests ! M r Bennett what an out .
,
rage O h nonsense ! ‘
retorted the landlord ;
,
’
they know how you re situated as well as you do ’

.
I call it dishonest I t s a tneft that s what it is

’ ’ ’
. .
,
‘
Come come Bennett said S chroder soothingly
, , ,
’
that s a serious thing to say I admit I exceeded

’
.
my rights on this solitary occasion and as he spoke

h e contriv e d uns e e n by B e nnett to abstract a
, ,
c o upl e of sixpenny cigars from a box which lay

o p en on th e count e r before him But I d o n t s e e ’
why w e should quarre l about such a trifling esca

pade . Have a cigar B enn e tt and h e proffe red
?
,
’
o ne of thos e which h e had that instant stol e n .
Well thank you M r S chroder I — I think I will

, ,
.
try one of y ours They re not too strong I hop e ? .

’
I don t want to be unpleasant you know but busi

’
, ,
ness is business A n d they lit their weeds at th e .

’
same match I think you ll lik e that cigar said

.
‘ ’
,
’
S chroder A little green perhaps

.
‘
I doubt if , .
I v e kept em long enough

’ ’ ’
.
were an animated bust on wh e e ls which p rop e ll e d

, ,
its e lf along with its hands V e rnon and I obs e rv e d .
this unfortunate obj ect struggling along th e pav e

m e nt o ne afternoon V e rnon gaz e d at it with a .
puzzled e xpression for a fe w seconds ; th e n turning ,
to m e he inquired in an underton e
, Lam e ,
‘
,
ain t e
’ ’
I n Pinero s play of Lords and Commons V e rnon

’ ‘ ’
playe d my valet Pre s s in g e r and at th e beginning of ,
—
the third act an e vening scene on a t e rrac e if I ,
re m e mb e r rightly h e had to come on with a

-
cushion and some rugs and arrange them on a ston e ,
b e nch H e was always e ager for more to do and

.
,
he was accordingly e nchant e d when B ancroft told

him h e might hum an air as h e came on A t th e .
final dress r e h e arsal he discovered th e re were a fe w

"
bars of music to tak e up th e drop sc e ne E ll o l -
.
’
said he is B u cal o s s i goin to play that at night

,
‘ ? ’ ’
I told him We ll but o w about my

’ ’
‘
Ye s , .
‘
,
m m in h e I nqu i red O h if I were you said I

’ ’ ‘ ’
u .
, , ,
I should wait until th e orchestra had finished and ,
th e n go on humming the sam e air H o that be .

’
blow e d cri e d Vernon I can t um I talian ‘ ’ ’
V e rnon and I used oft e n after the theatre to , ,
look into the back room at S tone s in Panton S treet

-
’
,
where tw e nty y e ars ago and more a very cosmo

politan soci e ty us e d to gather round a bowl o f rum
punch There w e re M r Graves the e ngraver ;
. .
,
P
S OR T I NG P
SN I S 14 1
A dol p hus Glover of the War O ffice and his fri e nd

, ,
M ajor Harding ; an old bootmaker whose name I ,
forg e t who owned th e greater part of Warrior

,
S quar e ,
H astings ; H e nry Warr an A dmiralty ,
Court barrister and two or thr e e others all smoking ,
long clay pip e s William and Tom were the two

.
wait e rs and every N e w Year s Ev e William who

,
’
was an old Yorkshireman used to stand u p and ,
sing an old fashion e d song of forty or fifty v e rses

-
about Parson Bro wn

‘
But in course of time
.
’
S ton e s chang e d hands t h e old fashioned box e s

’
-
,
w e re upholstered in plush som e syst e m of ventila ,
tion was introduc e d our old memb e rs di e d off

,
p artly I think as a protest against these n e w

, ,
fangl e d alt e rations William and Tom invest e d

.
th e ir savings in a business and I am afraid came , , ,
t o gri e f.
There was a society of fri e nds which used to

assemble ev e ry morning in th e back parlour at -
S ton e s M ost of them were tailors from S t J ames s

’ ’
. .
S tr e et and the others

, you can t ex p ect e m to be ’ ’
a l l tailors as the late Lord H ardwicke remarked

’
t o the sporting sni p w h o complain e d that the H unt
was ge tting from a social point of V i e w t e rribly

, ,
‘
mixed th e
-
o t h e rs w e re trad e speople from t h e
'
n e ighbourhood repres e nting various industri e s .
There was M r Thurston th e mak e r of in d e s t r c

. , u
tible brac e s from two do o rs off there was the

, ,
R A N D O M R E M I N I SC E N C E S
maker of pyjamas from round the corner and the ,
saddler from a few doors further still The bond .
which united this little brotherhood was an interest in

h orse racing or at all events in speculation on that
-
, ,
sport and a ge n ius for select i ng winners Whence

, .
they got their information I don t know but it was ’
from some wonderfully infallible source for every ,
M onday I used to see the sporting tailors as they ,

’
w e r e generically styl e d sitting rosy with success , , ,
round bottles of champagne while poor little ,
G e ld e n s t e rn the bookmaker stood in the front bar

, ,
-
,
pale from financial an ae mia sourly surveying th e m ,
ov e r a glass of gin and water Pore me pays ! h e

- -
‘ ’
onc e e xclaim e d to me peevishly as an order for ,
‘
another magnum was shout e d forth in broad ’
S cotch by a military accoutrement maker -

.
O n e day the purpl e faced M r M c N ab ( of Pall -

.
M all ) accosted me I beg your pardon sirr h e

.
‘
, ,
’
said with a broad Glasgow dialect but caan y e

, ,
‘
tell me o n y th ing aboot a maan c aa d D arrl e y H e s ’ ’
on the stage I b e lieve , .

’
‘
What do you want to know about him I ? ’
asked .
Well he s b e e n to ma place and ordered two or

,
’
three suits of clothes and I m j ust wondering will I ,

’
let him h aav e them I t s a m aatte r of aboot fi v e

.
’
and twenty poon

-
.
’
I think if I were you I said that I should ask

‘ ’
, ,
assaulting M r M c N ab as o n e of th e prud e nt old

.
law e ver go e s .
T h e r e gular hous e of call howev e r for the

‘ ’
, ,
m e mb e rs of th e H aymarket Th e atre was th e Café

de l E u ro p e a fe w doors up the stre e t
’
, I t has .
— —
fre que n tly changed hands and nam e s but no o n e
has y e t succeeded in making a fortun e th e re The .
misc e llane o us compa ny that us e d to frequent it

affo rd e d m e endl e ss enter tainm e nt There Were .
r e s p ectabl e trad e sp e ople from th e n e ighbourhood ,
‘
lumb e rers c o n fi d e n c e men money lenders touts
,
’
-
,
-
’
journalists and actors and occasionally a S cotland

, ,
Yard d e t e ctive or two I mad e fri e nds with s e v e ral

.
of t h e as t h e flash g e ntl e m e n who liv e by

their wits are call e d O n e of th e m showed m e o n e
.
day a very ingenious contrivanc e This was a .
t e e totum with a movable stem S uch of my read e rs .
as are familiar with this amusing toy will I ho p e , ,
forgiv e me for ex p laining it for the b e nefit of th e

remainder Wh e n y o u spin with one e n d only a
.
,
I or a 2 or a 3 will turn u p but by surreptitiously ,
pushing the stem through and so spinning on th e ,
oth e r e n d with the top t h e oth e r way up it will

, ,
exp o se a 4 or a 5 or a 6 There was an A m e rican

.
I got acquainted with at the my

—
fri e nd told me who knew well h e seemed to
,
‘
,
know as much as what I did R acing cards he .

, ,
wouldn t b e taken on at anything O n e morning I

’
.
H O W T O S I N A T EET O T U M P 145
got up and I lay this ere teetotum in th e gutt e r of ’
t h e H aymark e t just alongside of the curb Pre .
s e n tl
y I meets my Yankee friend .
S e th says I H ow are you says h e and w e

” ”
?
, . ,
start down towards th e T w o Chairmen for our

first dri n k A ll of a sudden I kicks up this bl o o m in
.
’
top . H ullo ! says I

“
ere s som e poor little
”
,
“ ’ ’
kiddi e been and dropp e d is top Poor littl e b e ggar ’

.
h e ll miss that I dare say as much as you o r I d

’
, ,
’
miss a te n pound note I m p assionat e ly fond of

-
.
’
children I says ,
I v e got five of my own
”
A nd
’
.
”
w e got yarning away about kids and that Pre .
s e n tl
y we g e ts to the bar What s yours ? says .
“ ’ ”
N o no says my Yank this is my shout ” “ ”

I
.
, , ,
.
N o t a bit of it says I I insist says he ” ”

. .
, ,
A t last I says L e t s s p in and see whose turn it is

,
“ ’
with this kiddi e s top A n d w e start e d spinning

’
.
”
fo r drinks and we got on to shillings and dollars

, , ,
and sov e r e igns and b e fore tw e lv e o clock I d lifted

,
’ ’
j ust on two hundre d pounds off of him A n d then .

’
afte r a p ause A n d all down in that lit tl e bit of

,
‘
bar across the way th e re th e Two Chairm n e
th e y calls it .
’
A nother unfailing source of e ntertainm e nt at

the old Café de l E o p e was the littl e band o f ’
ur
derelicts who would arriv e in th e morning o n e by

o ne e ach punctual to his self appointed time and sit
,
-
,
there till night ready to drink lunch or borrow , , , .
Io
146 R A N D OM R E M I N I SC E N C ES
I saw one of them M r M e akin s only th e oth e r , .

,
day H e has transferre d his vicarious custo m t o

.
another tavern I beli e v e th e lat e landlord of th e

.
café objected to his raffl ing obj e ts d ar t at th e ’
luncheon buffet and th e artist l e ft in a huff

, .
M e akin s was at one time a p rosperous owner of

plantations and slaves but som e how or other h e is ,
now reduc e d and sits on a b e nch in the corn e r of

,
’
a bar room waiting for something to turn up H e

-
.
oft en re marks pathetically partly I suppos e as a , , ,
reason for doing no work I was a gentleman ,

‘
onc e H e wilfully e xagg e rat e s th e shabbiness of

.
’
his clothes ; ind e e d when h e wishes to ap peal ,
esp e cially to your s e ntiments he will don an old ,
‘
billycock hat which h e has blacked with blacking
,
lik e a boot This harrowing coif signifi e s g e nerally

.
,
S hillings and half crowns would be of little u s e to

-
me to day I n e ed gold I t is a question of K ing s

-
.
’
taxes brok e rs e tc M e akins is the most dis

’
.
, ,
contented r e cipient o f alms I ever met I am sure .
that if h e had fall e n among thi e ves and been assisted

,
by the good S amaritan h e would have said aft e r ,
wards O h yes it was k in d of him of course

,
‘
, , ,
but I don t s e e that he could have done less A

’
.
man who can afford to pour about o il and wine lik e

that m u st be pretty well o ff you know I think he , .
n k t have made it fourpenc e dash it all I re ,
member some years ago — it was the aft e rnoon before

148 R A N D O M R E M I N I SCEN CES
look for w o rk You sit here all day long consuming

.
drinks that oth e rs pay for and go home too fuddl e d ,
to do any work ev e n if you had any to do , .
A pp ointments don t drop into peopl e s laps through

’ ’
the c e iling of a public house I t s very easy to -

.
’ ‘ ’
kick a man wh e n he s down whin e d M e ak in s ’

It ,
’
.
isn t a question of that I said

’
You asked m e to ,
’
.
h e lp you I refuse and I m giving you my reason

.
,
’
for r e fusing I f you ll com e t o m e and say Look

.
’
here I m doing re gular work

,
’
I don t care h o w -
’
small th e j ob may b e if it s only five shilli n gs a ,

’
—
we e k I shall b e happy to h e lp you again in a small
way But I m dashed if I ll do a thing more for
.
’ ’
you until you do something for yourself M e ak in s .

’
slunk d e j e ctedly away muttering som e thing about ,
‘
advic e b e ing jolly ch e ap and I think e xpressing ,
’
regret that h e had e v e r allow e d me t o take him by

the hand A few days aft e rwards h e cam e b e aming
.
in to th e café a straw sailor hat cocked rather

,
-
defiantly on o n e side H ullo old chap h e cri e d .

, ,
‘
thought I might find you here I say you did .
,
give it me hot the oth e r day ! Quit e right though , ,
quite right ! Perfe ctly tru e e v e ry word you said ,

.
A n d I took it to h e art I assure you A n d I m glad

’
.
,
I did for I v e s e ttl e d down now to r e gular w e ekly

’
,
work That s right said I

.
’ ‘
I t s really a fine
’
,
’
.
’
thing to have done because after on e s been doing ,

’
nothing for a long spell O h I didn t find ‘

,
’
H OW T O B O R R O W A CO A T
n 149
much difficulty once I got my neck up to the collar ,

’
re p lied M e akin s cheerily I t s literary work .

’
nothing very tremendous but it may mean ag ,

z
m o ey
n Capital ! I cried
‘
—
E r what will you
’
.
have Thanks I l l have a small Bass said the

‘
,
’
,
’
returned prodigal and in another moment it was ,
hissi n g down his throat A n d what is this lit e rary .
work I asked
? ’
I s it journalistic. I n a s e ns e ‘
,
yes he re plied
,
’
The fact is I v e gone in for
.
‘
,
’
thes e Pearson s missing word competitions I got

’
-
.
very near it this w e ek S avoury instead of .
S avourless you know

” ’
.
,
Poor Le e kin s had failed at a singular number of

things consid e ring that he was barely thirty H e .
had fail e d as a doctor as an actor as a journalist , , ,
and as a boarding hous e p ropri e tor O n e day early

-
.
,
in M arch I heard an e xtraordinary report close to

,
me as I stood in the café I t was a combination of .
a bark a shout and a wail and proc e eded from my

, , ,
friend Le e kin s Got a cough I asked

?. Cough ’
.
‘
he re plied in a hollow voic e

, I v e got a cavity in .
‘ ’
t h e ap e x of my right lung the size of a h e n s e g g a

’
,
thickening of th e base of the l e ft the whole of the ,
pl e ura is congested and I v e had three h ae morrhages,

’
in the last ten days Good heavens ! I exclaim e d

.
’ ’
.
But a re you wise to b e out in this east wind without

an ov e rcoat ? I t s absolut e madness of cours e
’ ’
, ,
’
answered Le e k in s But how am I to get a great

15 0 R A N D O M R E M I N I S C EN C ES
coat ? I was w e aring at the tim e a y e llowish

’
greenish brownish sort of ulster I took this off

, .
and said to him : H ere you are I can only l e d . n
you this b e cause it s a coat I always take to S cot

,
’
land I t s a p articularly good colour fo r th e hill

.
’
.
But you re welcom e to it till the summer comes

’
.
’
Le e kin s was p rofuse in his thanks A n d the coat .
must have ex e rcised an instantaneously b e n e ficial

effe ct for that cough like the cry of a lost soul did
, , ,
not recur The following A ugust I was about to

.
start for th e H ighlands when I bethought m e o f my

ulster I sought out Le e k in s
. Would you mind .
‘
l e t t ing me have that coat I said Le e k in s pulled .
a l o ng face and p e nsively rubbed his chin

, What s .
‘ ’
it in for I asked after a pause H e looked

? ’
, .
re liev e d that I had grasp e d th e situation O nly ‘
eighteen bob he said Then there ll be th e

,
’
.
‘ ’
—
interest a mere bagat e lle Let s see six months .
’
about two and thre e p e nce Then if you re in a .

,
’
,
—
hurry for it th e re ll be my bus e ach way t wop e nc e
’
.
Le t me have twenty fi v e bob and I l l bring it back

’
-
,
at once A n d in an hour s time he return e d m e my

.
’ ’
coat with an air of conscious rectitude The day .
after I cam e back from S cotland ( it was a chilly day

t o wards th e end o f S e ptemb e r ) I look e d in at th e
café wher e I saw my friend Le e k in s H e was
,
.
about to greet me when his fe atures contract e d ,
spasmod ically and with a sudden jerk like the ,

152 R A N D O M R E M I N I SC E N C ES
bre akfast when his guest had gone the host had
, ,
the curi o sity to ask th e maid o f all work wh e th e r - - -

‘
M r M alkin had mad e h e r a pres e nt Oh ye s

’
‘
. .
,
sir re pli e d th e drudge beaming

,
’
H e giv e m e a , .
‘
—
pre s e nt of sixp e nc e a d his I O U for two s h ill in n . . .
’
h e ask e d m e to oblig e him with

’
.
O n e morning a fri e nd to whom he ow e d a trifl e

hail e d him o utside the theatre where h e was e m
ployed H allo ! r e spond e d M alkin how are
.
‘
’
,
‘
y ou ? Com e over th e way and hav e a drink But .
—
just wait o n e m o m e nt I haven t any stuff ’
.
”
Where s o n e of our young patrician sup e rs

’
At
that moment a young exquisite fresh from O xford ,
an aspirant to th e atrical honours hove in sight , .
N o w th e n M r de Lacy cried M alkin with som e

’
.
, ,
asp e rity have you got fi v e shillings about you

,
‘
Yes I fancy stammered the y o uth fumbling in

, ,
’
his Poole mad e pocket -

H e re s half a sovereign .
‘ ’
if you ve ’
A ll right that ll do snapp e d ‘
,
’
,
’
M alkin Then turning to his creditor h e inv ited

.
, ,
him to the hostelry opposite You can com e too .

‘
, ,
if you like he muttered grudgingly to M r de ,

’
.
Lacy . Thre e whiskies and a soda divid e d h e

‘
,
’
ord e re d adding as h e toss e d the half s o v e re ign

, ,
-
into the air and caught it again Light come ,

‘
,
light go .
’
T h e flower girls still lend a picturesqueness to th e

-
H aymark e t n e ighbourhood though I am sorry to ,

P O LLY 153
obs e rve that they are b e ginning to abandon their

marvellous picture hats laden with ostrich fe athers
-
,
,
,
—
and taking to sailor hats severely unadorned -
which are unb e coming and out of character .
Polly ( no one knows her patronymic ) has been

for the past te n or twelve years the most popular of
t h e fl o w e r sellers who ply th e ir trade in the H ay
-
market n e ighbourhood Time has changed h e r .
from a Greuze to a R ubens but has not dimm e d ,
her bright blue e y e nor assailed her merry t e eth , ,
nor robbed her rosy face of its winning expression

of radiant good nature There is not an insurance
-
.
agent nor picture dealer nor actor who frequents

,
-
,
the Café de l E ro p e whos e purse strings do not

’
u -
"
fly op e n at th e magic of Polly s A v e a fl ar dee ’
,
’
S ome six or eight years ago a domestic ev e nt

robb e d us of Polly s presence for a while ; but only
’
for about ten days wh e n she reappeare d as well ,
and active as ever beaming with all the pride of ,
"
motherhood E s a dear
. she confided to us
’
,
’
.
I v e called im J ohn N obody can t help but

’ ’ ’
‘
.
admire im I ll bring 1m down ere one evenin

’
.
’ ’ ’
just to show yer A n d sure enough a v e ry few

.
’
, ,
months afterwards towards midnight she ent e re d

, ,
th e café with her fi rs t born and s e t him on th e -

,
counte r that all might do him homage H e was .
dressed in a p e acock blue plush M other H ubbard -
bonnet lined with fluted salmon coloured silk and -

,
15 4 R A N D O M R E M I N I SC EN C ES
h e had on a brand n e w pair of e nam e lled pat e nt

-
leath e r boots coming half way up the calf A riff

,
-
.
raff court c o llect e d round the babe and echoed

Polly s praises J ohn hims e lf was e xc e e dingly
’
.
affable H e n e stl e d (as fondly as his h e ad gear

.
-
would p e rmit ) against the two smart barmaids who

support e d him in th e re ar he cooed at th e grimaces
of th e kindly low comedian mad e playful clutch e s at ,
t h e b e ak o f t h e benevol e nt m o n e y l e nder and t o y e d -

,
with the light fing e r of t h e racecourse tout E v e ry .
o ne drank J ohn s health ; but we l e arned a fe w

’
w e e ks lat e r that our toasting had b e en of no avail .
Polly came in with an anxious face and told us he

was down with bronchitis that s h e had had to leav e ,
him at Charing Cross H ospital O h they a re .

‘
,
d e ars the nurses there ! she e xclaimed

,
’
They l e t .
m e com e in and see im almost any tim e A n d they

’
.
d o lov e J ohn What d ye think they arst m e ’

.
?
Th e y arst me if I got im off of a Christmas tre e ’

-
and s h e gave a beam of j oy as she recalled th e good

natured nurs e s kindliness T h e poor baby s life
’
.
’
hung in th e balance for two or three weeks h e got —

a little b e tt e r o n e day a littl e wors e the next and
, ,
so on until o n e morning a fe w days b e for e

, ,
Christmas the swing doors of the café fl e w back

,
and Polly entered I v e lost J ohn ! she cried and

.
‘ ’ ’
,
th e n burst out weeping O n e of the smart barmaids

.
immediately dipp e d under her counter and cam e

15 6 R A N D O M R EM I N I S C EN C ES
four of us not c o u n tin M ary A nne and th e fe s o n e

,
’
,
’
o r two noo t hings I should a e to buy I m afraid

’ ’
v .
I can t do it all und e r t e n s h il l in s Yer know y e r

’ ’
.
,
ca n t
’
g o
’
a n ow
y E vidently
.
’
there a re la w s
of fashion that prevail in K e ntish fi e lds as on t h e

p l ag e s of D i e ppe and Trouville .
C H A PT E R IX
‘
Su mm e r se aso n
’
at th e H a mar y k e t — Th e m e ann e ss of th e
‘
d e ad h e ad
-
’ ‘
H o u se f
ul l
’
—B o l d ad v ti m
er se e nt — Stag e
d oor b e gg ars -
A pi o us i
c ro ss ng - sw e e p
er — A i
d stre ss e d
f ig o re n e r.
NOTH I NG is more di fficult to gauge by the e y e than

t h e holding capacity o f a theatre I am abl e to .
sp e ak with authority with re gard to one the ,
H aymarket as I onc e rented it for a summ e r

,
s e ason A t that tim e it held ( I s p eak from e x

.
e rie n c e £ 1 2 a nigh t understand howev r

p ) I e .
, ,
that M essrs Maude and H arrison hav e mad e

.
certain structural alt e rations and that nowadays it ,
holds consid e rably more than that mod e st am o unt .
I b e lieve that the summer of 1 8 8 4 was the hottest

w e had had for twenty two y e ars The Fish e ri e s ’
-
.
,
or whate ver the particular e xhibition in the far west

of London chanced to be that y e ar did all t h e ,
busin e ss I had an e xcellent company and a v e ry

.
pl e asant little programme I was the pioneer of th e .
revival of the tripl e bill which aft e rwards had a ,
prolong e d vogu e b t ot unfo r tunat e ly during my

,
u n , ,
15 8 R A N D O M R E M I N I S C EN C E S
six w e eks of manag e ment We began the e vening .
with Th e Wat e rman with young S ims R e ev e s in

‘
,
’
his father s p art of Tom Tug H e nry K e mbl e as

’
,
R obin ( with song ) and charming M iss J ulia Gwynn e ,
as Wilhelmina This was followed by an old .
fashioned two act com e dy a v e rsion by Walter

-
,
Pollock of Le R ev e il d Lion which we call e d

‘
u ,
’
E vergr e e n in which I played th e principal part

’
an old b e au who danced sang playe d the violin , , ,
fe nced had most of t h e g o od things to say and

, ,
who s e ldom left the centre of th e stage I was .
ably assist e d by clev e r M iss M A Victor H arry . .

,
Conway and M iss J ulia Gwynn e who mad e a most

, ,
e ngaging ing e n u e in a whit e foulard E mpir e frock

’
I mad e t h e p e riod 1 8 1 0 and d e sign e d th e costum e s ,
mys e lf ( my sketches w e re aft e rwards used for th e

dr e sses in B e au W e wound up t h e bill
with o n e of th e broad old farces e ith e r Two in the ,
M o rning or Twenty M inutes with a Tig e r I ’

’ ‘
,
forget which with K emble and me in the principal

,
p arts A ll the pr e ss notices were most favourabl e

.
,
some of th e m enthusiastic but th e public stayed ,
away I permanently inj ure d my hand writing by

.
—
the number of complim e ntary passes I had to sign
‘ ’
.
E v e ry night wax e d hotter than t h e night before I .
bought a few gross of J apan e s e fans from Liberty s ’
very pre tty on e s with raised birds and flowers upon

,
them They cost nearly thr e e p e nce each whole

.
am happy to say that Mr L e v e rton has retain e d

I .
ever sinc e the position to which I by chanc e had th e

pleasure of promoting him though the position its e lf ,
has of course improved consid e rably

, ,
.
O n e afternoon when I was standing on the st e ps ,
o f the th e atr e I saw a poor old friend of mine who

,
was very hard up and very shabby and who be sid e s , ,
that had been a littl e bit touch e d in the h e ad

,
through a s e ri e s of financial misfortun e s I v e ry .
m e anly turn e d on my h e el and to ok r e fug e in th e

theatre to l e t him go past .
I can t afford to h e lp him poor chap I r e fl e ct e d

’
, ,
‘
and it would be no kindness to offer him s e ats for
t h e th e atr e for h e liv e s a long way off
’
.
,
A fe w minu tes later I blush e d crimson with

shame for I found the poor old d e re lict had com e to
,
t h e pig e on hol e plank e d down a sov e r e ig n whi ch

-
,
'
,
might hav e k e p t him for a fortnight and p urchas e d ,
two stalls for hims e lf and his wife to com e and s e e

m e act .
O ne night when th e r e was only £ 8 in

,
th e hous e I told my p e o p l e to p ut all the boards

,
out A ccordingly th e e y e of th e pass e r by was

.
-
arre st e d a few minut e s later by th e s e announce

ments : S talls full ‘
Balcony full Gallery full
.
’ ‘
.
’
.
’
H ous e full
‘
S tanding room only
.
’
Within a
‘
.
’
quart e r of an hour my receipts were exactly doubled .
People inquired eag erly

P R ESER V I N G O R D ER 16 1
Can we stand up at the back of the stalls

‘
Certainly if you wish r e plied th e obliging
, ,
’
Lev e rton and the enthusiastic playgo e rs paid th e ir

half sovereigns and hurriedly made th e ir way to
-
the almost empty parterre H owever it was not a .

,
game one could play every night .
There was still a tendency even as late as 1 8 8 4 , ,
for a few malcontents to muster on a H aymarket

first night and clamour for the missing pit to the ,
inconvenience of the rest of the audience S o on my .
first night I engaged a few fighting men to keep

order D uring the overture an individual in the
.
front row of the gallery began to shu ffle his fe et ,
and to call out Where s the pit

,
‘
? H e was ’ ’
picked up by his collar and the seat of his trousers

and handed over the heads of his neighbours from
one of my sturdy stewards to another until at last ,
he found himself at the top of the gallery staircase ,
where an E ast E n d light weight in an excess of zeal

-
, ,
struck him on the side of the head and knocked

him downstairs H e wrote me a protest against my
.
cowardly att e mpt to burke an expression of honest

O pinion I repli e d by acknowledging t h e receipt
’
.
of his letter which was evid e ntly written under

some misappr e hension .
’
O n e afternoon a magnificent carriage and pair

drove up to the stage door and a message was -
,
brought to me that I was wanted I went out and .

,
1 1
found Gillie Farquhar in the D uke of B e aufort s ’
carriag e H e had called to ask me if I would play

.
for his benefit which was shortly to take place at

,
’
th e Gaiety Theatre I told him I would play for

.
him but that I should charge him for my services

, ,
as I didn t see why anyone who had been such a

’
short time on t h e stage and who had rich relatives , ,
should have a benefit D uring this conversation I

‘
.
’
noticed two or three of the stage hands appeare d to

be clos e ly admiring as w e ll th e y might the b e autiful
, ,
japanning of H is Grace s e qui p age but I did not ’
suspect how they were actually e mploy e d A l l th e .
workm e n in th e theatre used to carry vari e gat e d

gummed lab e ls about 1 0 inches in circumfe re nce b e ar
ing the legend H aymark e t Th e atre M r Charl e s . .
B ro o k fi e l d s S ummer S e ason
’
E vergreen — To
night which they would idly stick on to lamp '
posts and palings and counters Wh e n Gillie called .
out to the D uke s coachman Twice round the

’
,
park and then home ! and the splendid pair of ’
hors e s bounded down S uffolk S treet I discovered ,
t hat my faithful employés had covered the back of
the carriage with these gaudy announcements .
That night we had quite a distinguished audience .
The neighbourhood of the stage door has always -
been the happ y hunting ground of th e professional -
b e ggar S ometimes he will assume the guise of a

.
super or stage hand out of work but he is then apt

-
,
But her heart was not in her work S h e was .
evidently bore d with her own sto ry and glad to ,
scuttle home to her late husband with a shilling ‘

.
A noth e r wretch used to call at the Crit e rion ( wh e n

I was there in 1 8 8 9) who had something hideous
the matt e r with his leg ; and by surreptitiously “
stamping his foot just before you came into th e

hall wh e re he was he could cau se this l e g to ,
present such an appalling appearance that you

cheerfully gave him all you possessed not to show
you the o ther one .
O n e night I was called out to see a M r Williams .

,
an ill looking ru ffi an who appeal e d o ffensively to

-
,
every sense H e said he had just been discharged

.
from R e ading I nfirmary whence he had walk e d ,
that day and that he had still to walk on to Green

,
wich where his wife lived before he could lay him

, ,
down to rest A n d he heaved a sigh which I trusted

.
might reach her if she existed and really lived ,
at Greenwich warn her of his approach and , ,
give her time to cl e ar out from home b e fore his

arrival But why do y ou come to me ? I asked
.
‘ ’
.
‘
Who told you about me ? I t was the party in
’ ‘
the next bed to me at the infi rm ary advised me to

apply to you sir E told me you ad a fe e l in c art
, .
’ ’ ’ ’
sir I couldn t tell you is name sir but them was

.
’ ’
, ,
’
is words sir “
Go to Mr B ro o k fi e l d at the
, . .
C riterion Theatre E as got a fe e l in e art e as .

’ ’ ’ ’
,
’ ’
A N EN VO Y F R O M TH E S WA N 165
Imafraid I don t believe that I said

’
But I ll ’
,
’
.
‘ ’
t e ll you what I w il l do I l l give you two shillings .

’
if you ll tell me truthfully where all you blackguards

’
, ,
meet together and advise one another where to go .

’
A look of sadness flashed across M r W i lliams face

’
.
,
followed by a radiance of resignation A s trew as

’
e av e n s above M r B ro o k fi e l d I m tellin you
’
, .
,
’ ’
g aw s e l t re w th
p D on t you be afraid to call on “ ’
Mr Bro o k fi e l d said the party in the next bed

.
, ,
even if he speaks ars h l y to you at first e said

“ ’
,
” ’
.
“ ’ ’
—
E as a fe e l in e art an e art that can bleed fer
’ ’ ’
another e said Well I can t stop talking to

,
” ’
.
’ ‘
,
’
you I said turning to go

,
’
If you like to ea rn
, .
‘
that two bob here it is A n d I held u p a fl o rin , .

’
.
A gleam came into his eye for a second and then his ,
features fell I t s ard not to be trusted he sighed

.
’ ’
,
’
,
especially after walkin close on forty weary miles ’

,
—
footsore and tired ungry and and thirsty he had ,
’
,
’
the effrontery to add Then as I disappeared .

,
down the corridor he called after me Mr ,

‘
.
he cried A nd I went back to him . I s that right .
about that two bob he ask e d earnestly Certa i nly

?
’
. ,
’
I said if you tell me the truth Well th e n

‘ ’ ‘
.
, , ,
look ere M r ’
said M r Williams : I think if
, . .
‘
you was to look in at the S wan in Fetter Lane , ,
you d see one or two familiar faces

’
That s .
’ ‘ ’
more like it said I A n d who sent you here

,
’
? ‘ ’
‘
W e ll M r B it was th i s way said my friend
, . .
, ,
’
,
16 6 R A N D O M R E M I N I SCEN C ES
with a leer : I was j olly well broke to the world

‘
,
and I looked in at the good old S wan and I see ,
—
that there man with the sor leg Pretty D ick we
e
—
calls im and I says What cheer D ickie ! D yer
’
,
“
,
’
know anything ? A n d e says What s wrong ”

?’
,
“ ’
D own on yer luck ? S tony broke I says

” “ ”
-
.
,
“
Well th e n says D ick you go down to the
, ,
”
,
“
Crit e rion T h e ay te r and try old B rookie Es .

’ ’
always good for a couple 0 I thanked

’
M r Williams cordially gave him his two shillings

.
, ,
and told him to regard it as an annuity H e was .
very grateful H e call e d a little prematurely and

. ,
,
dre w a further two shillings a few months later ;

tried to repeat the op e ration a week afterwards and ,
failed ; and I have never seen him since I t is .
equally likely that he is dead or in gaol .
O n e day I was walking in the neighbourhood of

S t M artin s Church wh e n a crossing swe e per a
’
-
.
, ,
ragged youth of about eighteen attracted my att e n ,
tion in the usual manner by brushing little besom

fuls of dust on to my boots S pare us a copper .
‘
,
"
sir he pleaded
,
’
A v e a fe e l in e art !
. I aven t
’ ’ ’ ’
tasted food this day sir as Gawd is my judge , , .

’
‘
Get out ! said I brutally ’
I v e a sick wife at .
‘ ’
’
ome the fellow went on an a little bibey pinin
,
’
,
‘ ’ ’
aw i h You ll never miss it kind ’

gentleman — on y ’
g .
,
a copper to buy be rre ad Then I am sorry to

, .
’
say I lost patience wi th him and uttered an oath

,
.
16 8 R A N D O M R EM I N I SCEN C ES
importunate but I must ask y o u to re g o n s e e d e r I f

,
.
you will not assist me I sh e ll b e f to walk apout the ,
streets all night and t e ars b e gan to cours e down

his pale face and bury thems e lves in his scanty
b e ard The more he w e pt and pl e ad e d th e more
.
,
distinctly did he betray hims e lf to be an impostor .
U pon my word ! exclaim e d K e mble presently if

’ ‘
,
I could only see a policeman I d giv e this impudent

’
blackguard in charge A h ! th e re s o n e at the .

’
corner ! B ut when we reach e d the constable our

’
,
p e titioner who humbly begged had vanished I n a .
minute howev e r h e reappeared

, Gentlemen he
, .
‘
,
’
resumed I cannot pe l ie v e that you are r e ally so

,
‘
hard hearted C o n s e e d e r if you were yours e lfs

-
.
s t re n t e d in a foreign city without money without , ,
friends without l u ck e d g e
, A noth e r polic e man .
’
hov e in sight and again our suitor disappeared

,
.
A t Piccadilly Circus I bade good night to my O l d -
friend hailed a cab and went home

, ,
.
T h e following morning I r e c e iv e d from him a most

indignant l e tter What do you think happen e d just
.
‘
after you left m e ? he said That infamous littl e ’

.
‘
scoundrel accosted me again in Long A cre There .
was a policeman close by so I e xclaimed N o w , ,

“
,
my friend I m going to give you in charge

,
’
B e fore .
I could say anoth e r word t h e German had slipp e d

in front of me and a ct al ly kad tke a u dacity to ,
u
comp l a in to tke
fi o l ice ma n of M E ! H e said I had
R ET A L I AT I O N 16 9
b e en begging of him that he didn t wish to press ,

’
the charge but merely to be reliev e d of the annoy

,
ance A crowd assembl ed in a second I was

. .
utterly dumfounded at the creature s impudence and ’

,
before I could speak another w ell dressed German -
came forward who p retended to be a stranger to

,
the first one and said pointi ng to me if you please

, , , ,
“
O h yes he s an old offender
,
’
H e was begging .
from me this afternoon i n the Tottenham Court

R oad The constable who was a shy young man
”
.
, ,
appeared overwhelmed by the evidence o f the

apparently independent w itnesses and gave me a ‘
push on th e shoulder and said Pass away pass , ,

“
,
away ; d on t let me see you hanging about here

’
again . The rest of the letter glowed with pardon

able rage and res e ntment .
S ome months afterwards — it was in January

I was hurrying down Charing Cross R oad on my
way to the U nd e rground R ailway S tation It .
was a bitterly cold night there had been a ,
sudden hard frost after a thaw and the roads ,
were coat e d with ice like a cake S uddenly a .
familiar voice sounded at my elbow I peg your .

‘
pardon sir I heard ; I b e f no right to accost you

, ,
’
‘
in this menner but I em a fore igner ; I be f lost my

,
l u ck e d g e I looked round I recognised the little

’
. .
ru ffi an who had annoyed K e mbl e and myself the

previous summ e r I b e f pin robbed of my purse
.
‘
,
and until I can call at my Em p e s sy he went on I

,
’
am absolutely without means I looked up and

.
’
down the street There was nobody about H e

. .
was a very small man but a very great nuisance I .
hit him hard on the point of the jaw H e fell flat .
on the cu rb and I took to my heels I t was not a

,
.
heroic act but it was a very comforting one

,
.
Candour thus take up the cudge ls on behalf of her

friend M rs Checkers
, .You know I v e heard all .
,
’
s o r ts of stories about M rs Checkers e arly life I ’

. .
don t believe on e of them I believe they re all a

’
.
’
pack of mal iciou s f al se koods A n d I l l tell you why .

’
.
O f cours e in my li fe I v e had to meet all kinds of

’
,
—
wom e n including plenty who were well no better ,
than they should be as the saying goes But in ,

.
ev e r n e of th e m however old and weather b e aten

y o -
,
she might be there was al w ays some littl e trace of

,
charm that you could identify and say A h ! tkat s ,

“ ’
what the men used to admire JVow tke r e s n otking .

,
’
f tk a t M r s Cke cke r s
”
o s or t a é ou t . .
That delightful actress whom many of us re

m e mber in our youth M rs A lfred Wigan began , .
,
life as a stilt walker When a child with her little

-
.
,
feet strapped to a couple of tall poles she would ,
stalk in and out of the coaches on the hill at Epsom ,
and rally and cajole small change out of t h e

ass e mbled sportsmen as they lunched O r in the .
summer in M ayfair old dowagers taking tea at

, ,
O pen drawing room windows would be startled by

-
the sudden app e arance of a pathetic little figure ,
clad in tawdry muslin and spangles tendering her ,
scallop sh e ll across the balcony and pl e ading for

-
coppers .
A t the time that I knew the Wigans they were

not only universally p opular as comedians but were ,
L P
A G I M S E A T S O C I ET Y 173
sought after in society when society w as society ,
that is to say before it had been succ e ssfully raid e d

,
by Financiers of the O l d Law A lfre d and his wife .
wer e frequently honoured by a command from H er

Majesty to bring their company to p e rform at
Windsor I t is not to be wondere d at that her
.
social success rather turned the head of the gifted

—
Leonora that is to say that she became a little apt ,
to give herself airs among her broth e r and sister

artists who had been less favoured .
O n e day when she was directing the rehearsal of

,
a mod e rn comedy on the stage of the O lympic ,
some little question of manners arose and M rs , .
K eeley ventured to expr e ss an opinion at variance

with M rs Wigan s N onsense my dear
.
’
ex
.
,
claimed the manageress S uch a thing would be .
unheard of A n d I tk in k I ought to know You .
m u s t admit my dear that I v e seen a l ittl e more of

’
, ,
the inside of a London drawing room than y ou -
have I know you have dear replied M rs Keeley

’ ‘ ’
. .
, , ,
without a moment s hesitation tkr oug /z tke fi rs t

’
fl oor w in d ow s ” .
M rs A lfred Wigan once told me a story which

.
illustrates v e ry graphically the spirit in which the

histrionic artist is apt to regard his creations A n d .
which also shows that an author may know nothing

of his brightest lines I t was when the Wigans .
were managing the O lympic Theatre in Wych

S treet .The play was a melodrama in which a ,
shipwreck occurre d and there was a scene upon a ,
desert island O n e night M rs Wigan stood in th e

. .
first entrance to watch this scene The low .
comedian who r e presented a sailor in due course

, ,
appeared H e had the stage to himself and

. ,
advanced to what used to be generically termed a

bank ( that is to say an obj ect rather lik e a coffin
’
, ,
cov e red with green baize which before the days of , ,
re alism did duty for a rustic bench a rock a bit of

, , ,
a ruin or in fact for any kind of open air s e at )

, , ,
-
.
H e then produc e d a black bottle from t h e side

pocket of his reefer jacket placed it upon the bank -
,
‘
,
’
admired it for a moment in silence th e n came down ,
to the footlights and smiting t h e side of his nose ,
with his forefinge r exclaimed mysteriously Bottl e,
on it A t which there was a shriek of delight from

the audience and a deafening storm of applaus e .
A s soon as the act was over M rs Wigan called th e , .
comedian to her I wanted to ask you she said

.
‘
,
’
about that line Bottle on it

D ia n t it go ? M y word ! They re a splendid lot
‘ ' ’ ’
in front to night—sympathetic ! int e lligent ! quick !

-
’
said the stage castaway glowing with triumph ,

.
‘
But w ky do you say Bottle on it inquired “
the manageress .
k d o I s ay i t ? repeated the bewildered ’
artist. D idn t you hear how they r oar e d ?

’ ’
giv e n in the G uildhall a n d th e r e wer e something

,
like 2 00 gu e sts A ft e r various toasts the pr e sident

.
,
in due cours e pro p osed th e h e alth of T h e Gu e sts ‘

,
’
and a distinguish e d o l d I rish pe e r on his right

took a final glanc e at his notes and a final gulp of
port and dug his knuckles into th e tabl e so as to
,
hoist himself into position to reply when at a , ,
remote end of the room a slight auburn haire d , ,

-
youth rose pushed back his chair and addressed

, ,
t h e company .
M r Presi dent and gentlemen he said I

‘ ’ ‘
.
, ,
thank you from my heart for th e gracious way in

—
which you have drunk m y our health I will not .
inflict a long and tedious speech upon you b ut I ,
will give you a few imitations of p opular actors .
M r I r ving :
. E ah ! —
daun t you h e ar the sund of
’
bell l l ll l l s
- - -
The elderly pe e r turned purple and barely

escaped a fit of apopl e xy The president turned .
pale hurriedly scribbled a note thanking Tree fo r

,
his kind offer to entertain but explaining that the,
prearranged toast list m u st first be duly gon e

-
through and despatched it down the table by a

,
flying waiter .
But the young histrion with a characteristic ,
gesture waved the menial aside and proceeded

, , .
M r M acready as M e l an t iu s in The B ridal “ ”

‘
.
I think two or three presid ential notes were sent

A FIR E A T H ER M A J EST YS
’
177
b e gging him to stop but all in vain H e went

,
.
right through his repertoire from I rving v ia Toole ,
and Thorne to E dmund Keane as O ro o no ko and ,
then sat down without turning a hair .
The I rish peer ros e after him and endeavoured ,
to speak but failed to utter a single intelligible

,
word .
O n e summer s night in 1 8 8 8 Comyns Carr and

’
Tre e and I had been dining toge ther and as we ,
walked up the H aymarket soon after ten o clock we ’
notic e d a very trifling c o n fl ag rat io n on th e terrace

O f the O l d H er M aj esty s O pera H ouse S omeone
’
-
.
had opened the theatre with a season of promenade

concerts and the balcony above the principal
,
entranc e was tastefully laid out with grottos and

palms in pots and illuminated with coloure d lights
, ,
so that an imaginative Londoner could sit there and

smok e and fancy himself miles away say at
,
—
R oshervill e Gardens S omehow or other a Chines e
.
,
la ntern had s e t alight to an eightp e nny plant to ,
t h e great alarm of a sentimental coupl e who wer e
sharing a glass of S handy gaff clos e at hand -

But a .
wait e r soon extinguish e d th e blaz e by a fe w adroit

flicks of his napkin H ow e ver Comyns Carr
.
,
d e cid e d that this was a matter to be inquired into ,
so we buttoned our overcoats up to our chins with ,
a vague id e a of giving ourselves an o fli c ial appear

ance and walked up to the check taker
,
-
.
178 R A N D O M R EM I N I S CEN C ES
We ve call e d re sp e cting that outbreak of fi re on

’
t h e t e rrac e at said Carr to the man in a ,
confidential yet authoritative und e rt o ne I pre .

‘
sume you ll let us pass quietly without obliging us

’
to exercise our authority

‘
O therwis e e xclaim e d Tre e imp e tuously ,
clutching at some imaginary obj ect in his inside

breast pocket -
.
‘
S h s h mate
-
,said Carr Gently does it ! .
‘
Giv e th e chap a chanc e H e seems an ord e rly ,
w e ll conduct e d man
-
.
’
I v e nothi n g about him in m not e s said

’ ’
y I , .
We had by this time t e l e pathically cast ours e lv e s

Carr as a kind of inspector Tre e as an utt e rly ,
impossibl e Gaboriau d e t e ctive and myself as a sort ,
of nond e script m ou cka r d .
The check taker turned rathe r pal e

-
.
‘
A re you from — the police he inquired in a
? ’
rather awestrick e n tone .
‘
From the Yard said Tree in a m etallic ,
’
voice .
I f you ll kindly st e p this way said the man

’
I ll
’ ’
, ,
fe tch the manage r .

’
I f you pl e ase said Carr A n d it is my duty to

’
.
,
inform you that anything you say will be taken

down in writing and altered and us e d against you
,
at your trial .
’
W e were soon on the terrace interrogating ,

18 0 R A ND O M R EM I N I SC EN CES
know the story of how he one day caught S ir

S quire Bancroft by the arm as he was wending his
way to the London and Westminster Bank .
‘
Well Bancroft cried Tree waving his hand
, ,
’
,
triumphantly towards the Charles S treet side of his

colossal new toy and what d y o u think of it
,
’
T h e practical Bancroft surveyed the building for

a few seconds through his glass then turned to the ,
excited young manager and observed

A lot of w i ndows ! Th e y ll all want cleaning
’ ’
.
I remember o n e first night at the Haymarket ,
under Tree s management a very beautifully sta ged

’
,
-
classical piece was produced ( the name of which I

forget) which dazzled th e eye and pl e ased the
,
s e nses But the dramatic critics were doubtful as

.
to its merits as a play The B ancrofts were in .

.
the stalls and at th e e n d o f the second act when

, ,
the ordinary playgoer was smoking his cigarette

outside t w o or three of the wilier journalists
,
conceived the ingenious idea of extracting an expert

o pinion from th e soundest judge of a play in London .
A ccordingly th e most audacious of them — I think

,
—
it was the late Willie Wilde edged into the seat
behind Bancroft and boldly plunged in me dias r e s
,
.
‘
Well Bancroft and what s the verdict ? he
, ,
’ ’
inquired H is fellows crept up stealthily like

.
,
marauders on a battlefield Each surreptitiously .
shot the shirt cuff over his left hand and nervously
’
-
,
CA U G H T T R I PP I N G 18 1
clutched a stump of pencil in his right in order to ,
note down the words of wisdom wh i ch were to

simplify his critical task Bancroft slightly frowned .
as though in deep thought turned his head a little ,
on one side scrutinized at a two inch range the

,
-
plush that covered the stall in front of him then ,
dropp e d his glass leant back and observ e d

, ,
I t was in the D ecember of 1 8 8 0 —what am I

saying o f 1 8 79 that I had these stalls covere d
- L -
—j ust about eleven years ago They re as good as .

’
new I t shows the advantage of going to a really

.
good firm .
’
O n e night when we were playing D iplomacy ‘ ’

, ,
the first act had already begu n and I was dressed ,
and made up as Baron S tein when I was invited to ,
speak to someone at the stage door I n my hurry -

.
to attend to this summons I caught my foot in a ,
piece of worn out matting and fell down a ste e p

-
,
flight of stairs landing on my head I was stunn e d

, .
for a moment and the wooden staircase e nclosed

, ,
by wooden walls shook with the shock of my fall

, ,
and echoed forth a sound like that of a big gun I .
was brought to in time to hobble on and play my

scene and after it was over I sought out Bancroft
,
and apolog i zed to him for the interruption my

accident must have caused to the progress of the
act
. My dear fellow he exclaimed I m so glad ,
’
,
‘ ’
it was nothing worse When I heard that t re m e n

.
18 2 R A N D O M R E M I N I SCEN CES
dous crash I ,
—
was afraid I was really afraid for a
moment that it w as a piec e of the scenery
-
To
anyone who did not know him this might sound a
littl e unsympathetic H e only m e ant of cours e .
, ,
that he was afraid some h eavy piece of the wco r c

’
had fall e n upon me .
Bancroft was very punctilious in matters of d e tail .
When w e w e r e going to d o Bu rn an d s v e rsion of ’
Lo l o t te called A Lesson in which I played an

’ ’
e ld e rly S cot he came to m e a few days before t h e

,
production and asked me H ow old do you propose

, ,
making S ir Thomas D uncan ? O h I don t know

’
,
‘ ’
,
’
I said casually I suppose about fi ft y fi v e ‘ ’

-
. .
Bancroft thought for a moment or two and then ,
suddenly suggested O r—fi fty six -
We had at one tim e in the H aymarket company

an old lady whom adv e rse circumstances had turned
into a tim e server S h e had a bad word for ev e ry
-
.
one but her employer for the moment O n e night .
I came into the green room and found h e r kneeling -
at th e side of M rs B and stroking h e r hair

‘
. .
’
.
O h M rs Bancroft she said in her rather mincing

‘ ’
.
, , ,
voice why do you e ve r wear a wig when you have

,
such é e au tifu l hair of your own ? Well said ’ ‘

,
’
M rs B at all events there s plenty of it ’

Oh
’
‘ ‘
.
.
,
but the qu al ity is so exquisite cooed the charmer ,

’
and the colour is perfectly l ov e ly S O many of my .
friends have said how they envy you your marvellous

was worth the price the artist had to pay in the ,
sacrifice of n erve tissue of peace of mind of home , ,
life of domestic p l e asures

,
.
Pon my word Lottie she would exclaim some

’
, ,
’
times when in a cynical mood if a good hon e st ,

‘
, ,
loving man with a thousand a year or so w e re t o

com e along and ask me to be his wife I m not at ,
’
a l l sure I shouldn t throw up art and the whole

’
thing and simply marry and go and hide mys e lf

,
away in th e country and j ust lead a simpl e u n , ,
ev e ntful happy life , .

’
O h but wouldn t that be a p ity h e r friend

‘ ’
,
would say politely Think of the public What

. .
would i key say

‘
The public ! Pah ! M iss Walsingham would ’
e xclaim with contempt D o t ke

y appr e ciate art ? .
‘
N o t th e y Tkey only want your low com e dians a

.
—
laugh at any pric e tkat s all the public wants ’
.
’
A n d wh e n this young lady finally appear e d all ,
she had to do was to advance to the footlights I n

t h e course of a concerted number hitch her white ,
satin trousers and carol forth D ick Fid D ick

, , ,
Fid avast and belay ! and then resume h e r place

,
’
Which proves that the a rtistic temperament is not

confined to star actors and actresses .
I t was at about half past eleven at night one -
thirt y fi rs t of D ecember that it suddenly occurred to

-
H enry K emble and A rthur Cec il as they sat over ,

G O O D I NT EN T I O N S 18 5
th e ir supper at the Garric k Club that there were ,
mor e spiritual ways of beginning a new year than

in draining the wassail bowl A ccordingly they got -
.
,
—
into their wrap rascals K embl e into his well known
- -
brown watchman s cape with the astrachan collar ’
and Cecil into his Baron S tein p ar de ss u s with the

—
b e aver facings and they started to walk to a four
wh e eler which should take them to one of the
’
fashionable churches wh e re midnight services were

held But cabs were scarce and they toddled all
.
,
the way up R egent S treet without se e ing one that

wo uld take them There was a hansom or two .
,
but A rthur Cecil would s ooner have mounted an

A ustralian buckj umper than sit in a two wheeled -
cab I t wanted but ten minutes of midnight

. .
Tk e r e s a church A rthur exclaimed K emble

’ ’
‘
, , ,
pointing to the sacred edifice in Langham Place

with th e marling spi ke steeple I t s n e arly twelv e
-
’
o clock ; we d better go in there

’ ’
H m! But .
’ ‘ ’
d yo n know if there s a service goin on ther e

’ ’ ’
Beetle asked Cecil doubtfully

? ’
I m certain there .
’
is said K emble ; I saw two ladies go in j ust now

,
’
There s another one he added as a devout looking

’
,
’
-
lady apparently foreign entered the building

, A ll , .
right then said A rthur ; and the two friends crossed

, ,
’
the road and went in The church was dimly .
lighted but they found their way into an unoccupied

,
p ew near the sanctuary I sn t it curious — the

’
.
small percentage of men whispere d K emble I ? ’

.
‘
don t believe I noticed one H ow different from

’
.
the Church of R ome ! H owever they knelt side ’
by side and were soon plunged in their devotions

, ,
lamenting lost o p portunities in the year that was

dying and making golden resolutions for the y e ar
that was abo t to be born wh e n K e mble who was
u , ,
n e arest the aisle was touch e d on the should e r, .
D o you want to speak to me ? whispered a tall ’
grav e looking clergyman attired in a long cassock

-
.
‘
Thank you very much replied Kemble in an ,
’
—,
—
undertone but I e r I don t know that I do
‘ ’
particularly Then perhaps continued th e clergy

.
’
, ,
’
man you and your friend would lik e to go before

,
‘
t h e serv ice begins O n the contrary said Kemble

’
‘ ’
.
, ,
we came expressly that we might have th e benefit

of the service The only thing is said the parson
.
’
,
’
evidently somewhat embarrassed this is a special ,
— — — — —
service for e r e r for e r for f al l n w ome n e .
’
K emble and Cecil leapt to their feet seized their ,
hats and fled I cannot but think they were

, .
mistaken when they told me they believed that as

th e y hurried down the aisle they heard a chasten e d ,
titter from one or two of the poor penitents .
I n his later days A rthur Cecil was wont to

bestride the elaborate modern substitute for the Ol d
‘
- —
bumping chair of our ancestors one of those ’
machines covered with a saddle which go through

, ,
18 8 R A N D O M R EM I N I S C EN C E S
—
friend some contemporary of Blink Bonny or
Wild D ayrell — for s h e suddenly pricked up her
ears gave a snort through her grizzled nostrils and
, ,
start e d off at an eight mile an hour cant e r in the - - -
direction of the man eg e C e cil follow e d his first .
instinct and s e ized th e pommel of his saddl e firmly

,
w ith both hands S arah soon got al o ngside of the

.
class of girls who looked with merry astonishment

,
on th e stout amiabl e middl e ag e d gentleman with

, ,
-
the curly silver hair who appeared so ill at ease on

his tiny charger Cecil felt it was his duty to make
.
some remark which should at once proclaim that he

wished to commit no breach of good manners and ,
also d l n l S e the fact that he was no longer master

of his steed H e had heard of th e bonhomie which
.
,
in the hunt ing fi e l d levels all formal social barri e rs

-
, .
S o he hardened his heart increased his left hand ,

-
grip on the saddle bow and got the right hand free
-
,
.
With this h e cont rived to raise his hat and with a , ,
blood curdling attempt at a smil e h e contrived to

-
e jaculate — —
Would you young ladies obj ect to
‘
—
my pony j oin i g y ou r p a r ty n
C H A PT E R XI
M au r c e B arr m o re —A c o n u g al re ro o — J u st c e in th e Far
i y j p f i
W e st— A g a mbitr y i
al in e nn s l an a— ‘
T P
h e yv i
B u rg l ar an d
th e J u dg e — St g b a e u rg l ars an d re al o n e s— Cri mi nal
‘
l i ne s
o f b u s i ne ss —Card sh arpi n g — A n o l d A m e ri c an sp o rt
’ ' ‘ ’
-
T h e road to w e al th —M i l l i o n ai re s at p l ay — M r Lo w e n fe l d . .
O NE of the ple as antest companions I ever met in a

—
theatre was M aurice Barrymore now I am afraid , ,
no longer with us H e was a fi n e looking fellow of

.
-
a convivial disposition and gifted with a very ready

,
wit and an elegant choice of words H e was much .
sought after and not av e rse to be found and his

, ,
popularity in all sorts of society robbed his first wife ,
a v e ry bright A merican actress of a good deal o f ,
his company S h e was not only pretty and brilliant

.
,
but a very devout Catholic ; and belonging to a ,
pract i cal race s h e could on occasion sel e ct and hurl

,
forth without hesitation the word best adapt e d to

convey her meaning in compact form I t is related .
that one morning in N e w York she was leaving the

house at about seven o clock in ord e r to h e ar her
’
daily Mass wh e n she met M aurice in dishevell e d

, ,
190 R A ND O M R E MI N I SCEN CES
evening clothes coming home from a supp e r party

,
-
.
H e had his latch key in his hand and was ste e ring
-
,
a course up the steps determin e d to discov e r th e ,
keyhole or perish in the attempt H is wife .
clutched h e r prayer book and looked glassily over

-
,
his head .
‘
Why Georgie A nna ! he exclaimed with the
,
’
,
sentimental reproach of one who has been up all

night aren t you going to s p eak to your husband
,
’
‘
O h yo u go to h
, she exclaim e d with an ,
angry flash f m going to M ass !

.
‘
A n d off to
’ ’
M ass s h e went .
Barrymore onc e told me the story of a trage dy ,
and its sequel which occurred some y e ars ago in

,
the Far We st of A merica H e was travelling with .
D i p lomacy and the company were all assembled

’
on the platform of som e littl e mining town waiting

for the train S uddenly there appeared to th e m a
.
desperado of such ludicrously truculent aspect tha t

he hardly seemed real and th e comedian of th e ,
company he who played Baron S tein a perfectly

, ,
harml e ss middle aged man burst out laughing at

,
-
,
his demeanour The ragged bully immediat e ly

.
drew forth his revolver or gun as it is call e d out , ,
there and shot the actor dead H e was then ove r

, .
powered and at Barrymore s insistence but n ot as

,
’
,
a matter of course thrown into prison , .
A considerable time passed before the trial came

downwards he exclaim e d to the crowd assembl e d .
They must have been squared by somebody I .
gu e ss there wasn t a man in court who wouldn t sell

’ ’
his soul for a whisky sour S ome of his heare rs

looked towards him with lack lustre e yes but -
,
nobody s e emed offended H owev e r the pros e .

,
e uting couns e l edged over to his S id e and said , ,
Look at her e M r Barry more You d bett e r g e t

, . .
’
.
’
way back to N e w York as s oon as you can They .
think nothing of killing anyone out here E v e ry .
s i ngle man on that jury is a murderer and Judge ,
N icholson has kill e d five men j ust in the tw e lve

years he s been h e re Thi nk of it You see b e in g
’
.
,
S heriff he s t h e only man in the town that s allowed

’ ’
,
to carry a gun on his belt O f course that gives .

,
him some more opportunity There s a train going .

’
through about I b l ie v e you d better try and

’ ’
get on board of it if you don t want to g e t S hot

,
’
.
’
Calmed by a cocktail or two Barrymore decid e d to ,
tak e his new friend s advice and h e crossed to th e

’
hot e l packed his satchel and hurri e d to th e d e pot

, , ,
j ust in tim e to s e e th e hind lights of the -
disappear i ng t n the distanc e T h e re was nothing .
to be don e then but to re turn to the inn and dine

, , ,
and await the train which should go through in

about five hours time ’
.
I t was lovely summer weather and Barrymore ,
and a few drummers sat out after dinner in front’

A CO MI NG E ENT V 193
of the re staurant enj oying the magnificent beauty

,
of the night I t was only natural that he should

.
e t back to the subj ect that was filling his mind

g
“
and with an audience of commercial travellers from

,
all parts of A merica he felt that he could hardly be

,
accused even of indiscretion in declaiming against

the corruption and venality of the particular S tate in
which they were for the moment soj ourning Of .
course the arch villain of the whole crowd is that

,
-
maimed murd e rer J udge N icholson ! Barry more was ’
e xclaiming loudly and impetuously when suddenl y ,
across the brightly moonl i t roadway there shot

the shadow of a tall broad shouldered figure of ,
-
a man with the peculiarit y that the greater part of

,
the left arm appeared to be missing The symmetry . .
of form was d e stroyed by the stump on one S ide ,
which swung in rhythm to the walk I t was seen .
by all The conversation stopped ab ruptly The

. .
shadow length e ned veered round S hortened and

, , ,
the voice of J udge N icholson was heard a mi nute

later inquiring at the bureau in a langui d drawl
M r Barrymor e stopping at this hotel ? N 0 one
‘ ’
.
m o v e d for a fe w s e conds Then four or five .
‘
drummers rose from their seats impelled by a
’
premonition of trouble and bowing silently to , ,
Barrymore S lipped back in t o the hotel A l l went

, .
but one a diminutive traveller in dry goods who

,
-
,
remained in his cane chair A nything I can do .

‘
13
194 R A N D O M REM I NI SC EN C ES
for you he asked in a whisper which sounded

? ’
partly professional but mainly friendly H av e ,

.
‘
you got a gun murmure d Barrymore anxiously

? ’
.
N o t down here replied the commercial Got ’

‘ ‘
.
,
one upstairs in my grip sack ,

—
Thanks that s -
.
’ ‘ ’
no good replied the apparently doomed man Just

,
’
.
then came a reassuring re ply from the hotel cl e rk ,
who had b e en glancing down the register Barry .
more he exclaimed Barrymore left for N e w .
York City on the S orry I missed him ‘ ’
re plied the J udge A nd the incomplete S hadow .
again shot across the road Barrymore s heart gave .

’
a che e rful l e ap and his new fri e nd interest e d until

, ,
to night only in hosiery gave him a b e aming glanc e

-
,
of congratulation But at this moment an o ffi c io u s .
nigg e r who was engaged round th e corn e r in prose

,
l y t i ing boots to his own complexion suddenly looked

z ,
up from his work and ejaculated M r Barrymor e ,

‘
.
Why h e s sitting right there ! T h e Judg e turned

,
’ ’
surveyed Barrymore with a leisurely gaz e th e n ,
advanced slowly to him Pl e as e d to m e e t you .

,
sir he said ,
’
Clerk said you d gone A nd he
.
‘ ’
.
’
unbuttone d the pistol case which hung on the front -
of h is belt Barrymore got ready to strike up th e

.
weapon as soon as it should appear and to tackle ,
his adversary B ut the J udge proceeded : Thought .

‘
ra s you d like to have the gun which killed your

’ ’
p p
friend A n d he p roduced a battered S ix shoot e r
.
’
-
,
I think it was in Pittsburg that the shatt e red but

still impressionable Charles met a girl young , ,
beautiful and good with whom he fell desp e rat e ly

, ,
in love H e called upon her father stated his

.
,
income ( which for the tim e being was a larg e o n e ) ,
described the d e pth of his devotion and asked for ,
t h e girl s hand in marriage The fath e r agre e d

’
.
,
saying he felt his daughter s happiness would be ’
safe r in the hands of a man of middl e age than in

t h e k e eping of some lad who might not be sur e of
his own mind A n d in a few days the happy pair

.
were united by the Mayor .
A little while afterwards the fond parent was

horrified to learn from a friend who had lived more
,
in the civilized world than he that Coghill had been ,
married for twelve or fourteen years and that his ,
— —
wife his real wife was at that moment living in
N e w York . Charles was immediately arrested on
the charge of bigam y and thrown into prison
,
pending his trial The most important witness for

.
t h e pros e cution was of course the woman who had

, ,
—
b e en outraged and insulted for so many y e ars th e
faithful wife who luckily for the cause of j ustic e
, ,
was more or less close at hand M rs Coghill was . .
duly subp oe naed and brought to Pittsburg The

, .
lawyer felt he had an easy task with such a witness

on his side H e may have quoted to himself the
.
words of Cibber : W e S hall find no fiend in hell

A LO YA L W I F E 197
can match the fury of a disap p ointed woman

scorned S lighted dismissed without a parting
, ,
p an
g f
The momentous day arrived The bigamist was .
placed i n the dock with a janitor on either side .
H e had engaged no one to defend him and stood ,
sullenly prepared for conviction and sentence H is .
wife went into the witness box The p rison e r -

.
exhibited no emotion wh atever H e merely gaz e d .
abstractedly at the ceiling .
What is your name asked the counsel .
Katharine A nne R ivers replied the witness ,

’
.
E ven the cynical Charles could not r e strain a

slight start .
That is to say I presume suggested th e , ,

’
—
lawyer Katharine A nne R ivers Coghill
,
N o said the lady firmly ; R ivers is my sur

‘ ’
,
name .
’
H er husband fixed his glass in his eye and gazed ,
at her .
— —
But e r you are the wife are you not of the , ,
prisoner at the bar asked the bewildered advocate

? ’
N o answered M rs Coghill I lived with him for

‘ ’ ‘
. .
,
many years as his wife but w e were never marri e d , .

’
A n d ther e was no proof that the devoted woman was

p erjuring herself for the possibility of her wishing
,
—
to save her husband esp e cially in this desperate
—
manner had never so much as entered the head of
198 RA N D O M R E MI N I SC EN C ES
the matter O f fact lawyer and accordingly he had

- -
,
not taken the precaution of sending to E ngland for

a copy of th e marriage certificate There was .
,
ther e fore no evidence against Coghill and he left

, ,
t h e court with his faithful wife who had sacrificed ,
her good name to save him For all I know to the .
contrary this proof of devotion worked an entire

,
change in his character and h e became a most ,
solicitous and devoted husband But for this I .
cannot vouch .
I t is strange how little one can j udge even after ,
y e ars of experience what will go with an audienc e

,
’
and what will not I remember a piece which w e

.
produced at th e Comed y Theatre by a popular ,
author and very strongly cast which amused us all ,
so much that we could hardly r e hearse it H awtre y .
used every now and then to warn us N ow don t ,

’
speak too soon on that ; there s certain to be a big ’
laugh and we don t want them to miss the next line

,
’
.
’
We re hearsed for S ix w e eks O n the first night .
nothing went w rong— but the piece There was .
not one laugh nor one round of applause from start

.
—
to finish But I remember to H aw t re y s great ’
—
credit that when the curtain fell he turned to us
, ,
and said : Ladies and gentlemen thank you very

‘
,
much for working so admirably in such discouraging

circumstances H owever people may account for
.
the failure of the play they can t blame the acting

,
’
.
’
200 R A N D O M R E M I NI SC EN C ES
S lide . But although the lines were admirably

,
deliv e re d in each case not Cyril M aud e nor ,
W e edon Grossmith nor Fre derick Kaye nor , ,
William Wyes ever succeeded in causin g th e m to

,
raise a smil e Whereas when t h e burglar appears

.
,
a l i ttle later on finds a piece of Camembert cheese

,
in the buffe t and exclaims : Lor ! it do um the

,
‘ ’ ’
entire audience— gallery balcony stalls and boxes , , , ,
used to shout with delight as though J os e ph ,
J efferson were delivering an epigram by Brinsley

S heridan .
The highest compliment I ever had paid me

during my career or at all events the compliment
, , ,
which gave me th e greatest pleasure I rec e ived ,
with r e gard to that very part of th e burglar A n d .

,
as I have now left the stage for good I may ,
perhaps be forgiven if I am so vain as to rep e at it .
I gav e a couple of dress circ le seats to an old friend -
of mine a professional thief who desire d to tak e his

,
wife to the play and in addition to a charmi ng

, ,
letter from her I received unqualifi e d praise from

,
him . M y word M r
‘
he exclaimed you m u st
,
.
,
‘
have been a Tea leaf in your time -

Tea leaf ‘
-
’
being as most of my readers are no doubt aware

, ,
the rhyming slang equivalent for thief .

’
I was obliged by the natur e of the story to make

the housebreaker in that little piece a ragged ,
starving youth but as a matter of fact although a

, , ,
H OW T O B U R G LE 201
man in such a plight might be driven by hunge r

and poverty to break into a house and steal in an
amateur way the professional burglar who has
,
d e liberately selected his calling as another might ,
select the S tock E xchange is a very different class ,
of man .
Whether or not there was ever an absolute

prototyp e of the delightful evening dress cra cksman -
with whom M r E S Willard mad e us agreeably. . .
familiar a few years ago the professional burglar ,
of to day is much nearer akin to the S pider than to

-
Bill S y ke s To begin with he must have access to

.
,
money for the requisites to modern burglary are

,
expensiv e I n an ordinary j ob wh e r e th e object is

.
,
j ewels th e first step is to find out generally through

, ,
a servant where the g e ms are kept Then the

, .
lawn must be carefully pegged out with wires to

trip up any unwary henchman who may venture on
pursuit A ladder in a n e ighbouring yard is
.
requisitioned and at a suitable moment perhaps

, ,
after dinner while the family are indulging in the

,
innocent excitement of table tennis the burglar -

,
e nters t h e sacred bedroom of the lady of the hous e ,
prizes open the safe as though it were a penny

mon e y box secures his swag then leaves al l k is
-
, ,
tool s though t hey are valuabl e and brand new and

,
-
,
mak e s off to where his dogcart awaits him H is .
next step is a singular one namely to deposit th e , ,

parcel — containing perhaps thousands of pounds

, ,
’
—
worth of pearls and diamonds in say a disused , ,
drain where he or an accomplice can find it

,
presently when people are less likely to be on th e

alert .
The reason for these precautions is th i s : S u p

posing the victims of th e robb e ry have discovered
th e ir loss and communicat e d with the police and
, ,
an officer is waiting at the local railway station h e -

,
will have no right to arrest Gentleman Jack if h e

finds that he has neither burglarious impl e ments nor
stolen property about him I t has most likely oft e n
.
happened that wh e n a distracted householder has

,
been d e ploring the loss of his h e irlooms they hav e ,
been still lying in a dry ditch within a fe w hundred

yards of his d espoiled mansion O r the ragge d .
old woman who has met him on the highroad

and offered to s e ll him a pair of lac e s and met ,
with a s n appish rebuff may hav e had h e r shabby

,
wallet laden with his wife s tiaras and stars and

’
crescents .
— —
I t is curious to an outsider how thieves will
stick to their own line of business as it were
‘
,
’
.
The burglar would not dream of picking a pocket

nor the forger of cheating at cards A lso an e xp e rt .
from S cotland Yard when any dishonest work is

,
submitted to him can generally i d entify it at once

,
as the work of a particular artist just as a c o n ,

finge red musician Th e s e are prepare d thus : T h e

.
high cards are plac e d in a vic e and th e ir S id e e dg e s

sand papered in the middl e ; the smaller cards are
-
submitt e d to t h e sam e process towards t h e ends ;

t h e e dges are then re gilt and t h e packs replaced in -
their Government e nvelop e s Wh e n you cut thes e .
cards by their middles you must obviously display ,
a small one and when you cut th e m by their ex

,
t re m it ie s you cannot h e lp turning up a big one

, It .
is as well to carry a duplicate u n s an d papered pack -
with similar backs in cas e the loser S hould ask for

,
t h e cards as a m e mento T h e game played is B lind .
H ooky but so much mon e y has been lost at this

,
particular game that th e name O ften causes alarm .
This danger is averted howev e r by th e simple , ,
subterfuge of calling it something else .
What S hall we play

O h I don t know There s rather a good game
’ ’
.
,
they used to play at th e E mbassy in Washington

( this gives tone to the speak e r ) called Persian
M onarchs
’
.
I don t know it
’ ’
.
D on t you ? W e ll I t s perfectly simpl e You

’
.
,
merely cut round to the other players in turn and ,
e ach one bets he s got the highest card at th e ’
bottom .
’
Why that s j ust like Blind H ooky

,
’
.
’
,
—
Yes it is awfully like Blind H o oky in fact if ,
A SE LF P I T Y I N G
-
‘
P
S OR T
’
205
you can play Blind H ooky you ca n play Persian ,
M onarchs I see the same old game cropped up

.
’
t h e other day as Pe tits Paqu e ts .
A few years ago I m e t at Cowes an A merican

S port call e d Colonel Troy I beli e v e he has
‘ ’ ‘ ’
.
since di e d H e was a man of about fifty stout

.
, ,
with his sandy hair e n br osse and a m ou stacke

k e r isse e
’
The only feature that gave him away was

’
his eyes which w e re small and furtive

,
H e was a .
genial old party but with that strong strain of self ,
pity which is conspicuous in all the habitual criminals

I have m e t They have no sense of right and
.
wrong ( though they generally have many oth e r

exc e ll e nt qualiti e s ) but in place of it a p e rp e tual , , ,
fe e ling of grievance against the e xisting order of

things Colonel Troy waxed quite pathetic over
.
‘ ’
his own plight You know M r B ro o kfi e l d h e

.
‘
, .
,
’
said I d give anything to have a small annui ty

,
’
Sa
y about dollars —just enough to liv e on
in some little quiet watering place I hate late -
.
hours and I hat e cards ! A s it is I mak e t h e

, ,
acquaintanc e of som e bright young fe llow ; h e

invite s m e down to his plac e and giv e s m e th e b e st
of everything ; and aft er dinner when I d like to ,
’
go to bed like e verything I have to say to myself , ,
N o ; you v e got to sit up and rob this young

’
man That s th e return you r e goin to mak e for

.
’ ’ ’
all his hospitality M r B ro o k fi e l d it s a miser

. .
,
’
206 R A N D O M R EM I NI SCEN CES
able life and I hate it The obvious alternativ e

, .
’
which he could not face however was giving , ,
it up .
I n these days of self made men —o f millionair e s

-
who comm e n ced life in humble circumstances — it is

int e resting to hear from their own lips to what trait
in their characters or to what incid e nt of boyhood
they attribute their subsequent good fortune There .
are evidently other me thods than the old fashion e d -
o n e of picking up a pin and ostentatiously returning
it to its owner .
I travelled to Brighton one day with M r Barkis .

,
the wealthy contractor with whom I was slightly

,
acquainted H e was a shrewd faced old man whit e

.
-
,
haired clean shav e n and with quick bright eyes

,
-
, , .
A s h e loung ed on the cushion of the carriag e with

a huge cigar in the corner of his mouth resting a ,
W e llington boot on the edge of the window his ,
waistcoat unbuttoned to display three large diamond

studs he looked more like a prosp e rous miner than
,
anything els e I dar e say you re aware he said

.
‘ ’
,
’
in the course of our conv e rsation that I b e gan life ,

‘
as a turnpike boy Well of course in those days I

.
, ,
lived by th ie v in j ust as I do now The g o v no r

’
, .
’
got a bit suspicious so he put another boy on to

,
watch me I tumbled at once to what he was up

.
to so the first cart that comes through I takes the

twopence and I gives it to the lad and I says , ,
were loath to part with him I was interest e d to .
watch millionaire s at play I t was aft e r 3 a m but . . .

,
their k e en brains were still alert They n e e d e d .
more relaxation b e fore they could compose th e m

selv e s to sl e ep S o they got hold of the night
.
port e r and for ov e r half an hour they threw him

,
sov e reigns to tak e them one by On e U p to the to p of

the great hotel and down again in t h e lift Th e y .
w e re as e ager as schoolboys The porter must hav e .
mad e three or four years income in about thirty fi v e ’

-
mi nutes .
I t was in 1 8 93 tha t I first made acquaintanc e

with M r H enry Lo w e n fe l d H e had j ust take n
. .
t h e Prince of Wales s Th e atre and h e e ngaged me

’
for a var iety of duties H e gave m e an office .

,
which I had to att e nd from to 5 with an ,
I nt e rval for luncheon I was to re ad manuscript

.
plays and give opinions upon th e m tink e r at piec e s ,
r e quiring alteration ( in which S hould they p rove ,
succ e ssful I was to have an int e rest ) coach the

, ,
t e nor in his acting and occasionally assist with the

,
adv e rtisem e nts N o w h o w a re w e going to put

.
‘
,
all this in a contract ask e d my n e w e mploy e r

? ’
with j ust a trac e of a foreign accent I had be e n .
warned that I ought to b e extraordinarily wary in

‘
my dealings with M r Lo w e n fe l d that h e was .

,
extremely sharp in business But I s aid that as

‘ ’
.
,
far as I was concern e d I had mu ch rather have no

,
T I S N OT I N T H E B O N D 209
’ ’
contract at all and trust e ntirely to him H is

,
.
face lighted up and he exclaimed You won t , ,

‘ ’
los e anything by that M r B ro o k fi e l d and , .

,
’
shook hands on it I discovered afterwards .
that I had dealt with him in just the right way .
H e turned out not only a thoroughl y fair and

straightforward master but a very genero us one , .
O n the other hand I remember the case of a young ,
lady who came to be engaged as a solo dancer .
S h e came accompani e d by her mother and by a

solicitor who drew up a long and complicat e d
,
ag reement the main obj ect of which was to i nsure

,
‘
against her being obliged to dance in the incidental

dances with the re st of the corps d e oal l e t S h e .
consente d however to dance in a p as de g u at e

’
, , r ,
and this willingness was duly set forth in h e r

ind e nture s A few days later she burst into M r
. .
Lo w e n fe l d s o ffic e in great dudgeon

’
.
M r Lo w e n fe l d she cried I find you ve

‘ ’ ‘ ’
.
, ,
arranged to push me on with all the rest of the

ballet M r Charles says I m to come on and
. .
’
dance with fifteen others N o w you can t make .

,
’
me do that ; it s agai nst the terms of my agree

’
ment .
’
N onsense my dear said her manager sooth

’
, ,
in g l y
. Let s have a look at your contrac t Th e re
’
.
you are : The said party of the first part agrees

“
,
however to dance with three other dancers that is

,
—
14
to say in a set of four

,
W e ll now you re .
,
’
dancing in a s e t of four and there are three other ,
s e ts of four on th e S tage at th e same tim e You v e .

’
nothing to compl ain of my dear ; it s all budgeted ,

’
for in your contract .

’
M r Lo w e n fe l d has been in almost every trade

.
and business When he came of age h e was sent

.
out into the world by his father with a hundre d

pounds in his pocket as his brothers had been ,
before him H e drifted to London wher e he found

.
,
himself about twenty years ago almost at th e end of

his capital O n e day as h e w as loit e ring along a
.
,
s treet in the City he noticed in a shop window a

,
new kind of lamp worked by clockwork O u t of .
curiosity he went in and ask e d the pric e .
Twenty fi v e shillings said th e man

-
,
’
.
That s a big price said young Lo w e n fe l d

’
,
’
.
I t s the clockwork that makes them e xpensive

’ ’
t h e man explained We can t get it made under‘ ’

.
nine shillings wholesale price .

’
S uppose I O ffer to supply you with the sam e

article at a lower pric e will you give me the ,
contract asked the young Pole .
With very great pleasure replied the dealer ,

’
.
Th e n kindly let me have the clockwork by itself

at th e wholesale rate said the youth tendering nine
,
’
shillings .
I t was a pure speculation on his part for he knew ,

212 R A N D O M R E M I N I SCEN C ES
‘
Well S ir said the shopman you s e e th e toy
, ,
’
,
‘
,
season is an extraordinarily S hort o n e I t s only at .

’
Christmas tim e toy deal e rs do any trade worth -
mentioning ; therefore we re obliged to go in for ’
big profits .
’
I ll tell you what to do said Lo w e n fe l d after

’ ’
, ,
thinking the matter over Get a file of the Tim s

J
. e
for the last fifte e n years ; then every day write to all
the moth e rs whose names and address e s appear in
th e B irths column saying D e M ,
—
ar adam W e note ,
“
,
that y o u r s o n s — o r daught e r s — b irthday occurs n e xt

’ ’
week ; we accordi ngly venture to enclose price

T h e man carri e d out his idea and wrot e to him ,
a y ear later saying the pl an had worked admirably .
But how t e rrible it would be I suggested ,

’
when Lo w e n fe l d relat e d this to m e if, as must ,

‘
often be the case the poor woman had lost her ,
baby ! ’
W h at would dat matter to de toy make r -
replied he in simple surprise at m y comment

, .
A young fellow — countryman was sent to Lowen

feld with a lett e r of introduction .
What s your job inquired he

’
What can you .
do
I don t know sir r e plied the y outh I v e had
’ ’ ’
‘
.
, ,
an ordinary sort of education I don t know that I .

’
have any special bent .

’
Well look here said Lo w e n fe l d you can have

, ,
’
,
‘
D O N T B EAT
’
Y O UR C A R ET S P 2 3
this room for an o ffice H ere s a Continental com .

’
m e rc ial di rectory I l l supply you with stationery

’
.
and stamps Yo u start at the beginning and write

. ,
to the various firms in that book asking i f th e y ,
require a London age nt and if so to forward ,
samples and particulars .

’
The young man did as he was told and th e office ,
began gradually to fill with specimens of various

patents — agricul tural impl e ments garments medical , ,
instruments drugs collapsible boats de l icate sse n

, , , ,
etc Lo w e n fe l d looked i n every day and inspected

.
what the post had brought and promptly gave his ,
verdict .
N 0 good
’
.
A t last when the youth had got well into the

,
E s and was wearying of his task there arriv e d a

’
, ,
kind of musical box in which Lo w e n fe l d saw mon e y

-
.
H is protégé obtained the agency and is now the ,
wealthy manage r of a huge reposito ry .
There was an enormous carpet which M r ,

.
Lo w e n fe l d had picked up a bargain which we used ,
in th e first act of Poor J onathan H e decided to .

’
have it cleaned and sent for M r J e tl e y who came

, .
,
on to the stage where the huge roll lay .
What will you charge to clean this carp e t and

make it as good as new asked M r Lo w e n fe l d as .
,
he kicked back the bulk and exposed a yard or two

of the border .
2 14 R A N D O M R E M I N I S C EN C E S
it do e sn t want much doing to it said M r

O h,
’
,
’
.
J e tl e
y ; it s in pr e tty g o od condition
‘ ’
H ow big .
did you say it was W e ll w e ll say a couple of

?
,
’
sovereigns and I ll let you have it back by the end

,
’
of th e week .
’
R ight said Lo w e n fe l d M r Le v ill y j ust draw

’
. .
, ,
up a contract .
’
N e xt day M r J e t l e y arrived in a terrible state of .
mind .
‘
That carpet s in a terr i ble condition ! he ex ’ ’
claimed The centre o f it is covered with grease

.
‘
and dirt ; indeed it s all discoloured and stained ,

’
e xcept just the yard or two you S how e d me Of

‘
cours e [ thought that was a fair sampl e I t will

, .
tak e m e at least a for tnight to clean it and I shall ,
have t o charge you eight or ten pounds and even ,
th e n I d soon e r som e one else had the job

’
.
’
O h get away M r J e tl e y
,
sai d Lo w e n fe l d , .
,
beaming with delight Go home and look at your .
contract You v e got to make that carpet as good

.
’
as new by next S aturday for two pounds M r . .
B ro o k fi e l d kindly e xplain to M r J e tl e y the natur e

, .
of commercial risk .
’
The day before Poor J onathan was produced ‘
M r Lo w e n fe l d saw me idle so he call e d me to him

.
,
and told m e to go to my room and write a paragraph

to send round to the evening papers .
‘
What about I ask e d .
C H A PT E R XII
M u si c hal l s—T h e
-
v i ty ti t
ar e hm
ar
’
s s co ac an —Th e G re at V an ce
An or igi n al p ti d i g i t t — M S
re s a or r. am u e l F re n c h an d his
t i i
e n te r a n n g f i d — E i L wi
r en s r c e s as a d o g fan c i e r A l fre d
- —
Cel l i er —T h e t l
ae o f h q a c e ue .
MA N Y years ag o before promotion from the ,
theatrical stage to that of the music hall was recog -
n is e d as an artistic upwards step a friend of min e — ,

4
—
an actor named George Powell was prevailed upon
by t e mpting terms to appear as a comic vocalist . .
H e had to S ing at thre e different halls and h e ,
accordingly hired a fly from a proprietor used to th e

business which should tak e him from one palace of
,
vari e ties to th e other I dare say you hav e an .

‘
experi e nce d driv e r said Powell who knows wh e re

,
’
,
the stage doors are an d how long it takes to get

-
, .
from one to th e other and so on Lor bl ess you ’
yes said the propri e tor I v e one been at it .

’
thirty eight year

-
H e s driven H arry Clifton
.
’
,
,
—
Lab u rn h am J olly N ash t h e Gr e at Vance all the ,
tal e nt in fact H e s a car e ful driver and a steady

,
.
’
—
chap you can re ly o n what I call a regular gentle
B ET W EE N ‘
TU R NS
’
217
man s servant if you understand me T h e follow

’
, .
’
ing e vening punctual to his time this treasure of a

, ,
coachman drew up at George Powell s door in ’
Theobald s R o w where he had rooms H e was a

’
,
.
well set u p man of about sixty clean shaven and

-
‘
-
,
-
rubicund in a fairly well fi tting livery coat and a

,
-
rather b e s o ap e d hat with a cockad e which caused ,
a pleasant flutter in Powell s innermost heart though ’
the glow which this flattering badge kindled chilled

a little when he had to hear himself give the d ire c
tion D rive to the O x ford will you The e r — ,
the stage door -

.
’
The driver saluted respectfully and drove o ff and ,
George Powell successfully performed his first turn .
I mmediately afterwards h e removed the bulk of his ,
-
,
—
make u p threw on a big fur lined coat th e official
’
-
badge of his new calling— and returned to his car

ria e
g to be driven to the next hall A fter a fe w .
minutes the vehicle pulled up outside the M arquis

,
of Gr anby You ve plenty of time observed th e

.
‘ ’
,
’
driver craning round towards the offside wind o w

, .
M r Vance used g e n all y to p at e rn i e this ouse

’ ’
. z
when he was workin these turns ’

.
’
Powell fe lt rather dry and flat so he availed him ,
self o f the suggestion and was soon gulp i ng down ,
a tumbler of som e thing with ice in it Perhaps .

‘
(211 18 old driv e r would like a drink too thought ’
, ,
P o well under t h e genero u s influence of refreshment ;

and looking out into th e stree t he called to his n e w

, ,
e ,
‘
— —
s rvant Would you e r like something yourself ? ’
The old man threw off the rug which cover e d his
knees and l e apt nimbly from the box A n d then
, .
Powell discovered for the first time why this tr e asure

of a whip could only aspire to liv e ry stable work -
.
H is l e gs ( which by the w ay were clad in sheph e rd s

, ,
’
plaid trousers) were onl y abo u t twelve inch e s long .
T h e pigmy approached the bar with the gait of a

d achshund What will you have coachman
.
‘
inquired Powell genially The little fellow look e d .
round with an angry flash in his eye Look e re .

’
,
’
,
‘
—
he said not so much coachman see ! D o o rin this ’
e re job as l o n as you re in th e se ere shops you re

’ ’ ’ ’
, g ,
Georg e and I m Punch und e rstand A n d having

’
,
.
’
e nlighten e d Powell on this social point — which h e

could no doubt hav e establish e d b y pre c e dents ex
tending over years — Punch rounded off his p e riod
with t h e p ac ifi cato ry remark M ine s I rish hot— ,
’
.
’
I once had the pl e asure of being presented to the

Great Vance I t was in the Café d e l Eu ro p e
.
’
adj oining the H aymarket Theatre j ust before my ,
evening s work I think it was H arr y Conway who

’
introduced me Let me introduc e M r Bro o k fi e l d

. .
,
’
he said Wkat name interrogat e d the great man

. ,
and it was repeated Pl e ased to meet you ( a

.
‘
’
favourit e formula in theatrical circles ; I think it

hails from A merica) We got on to th e subj e ct of
.
seem rather quiet commented the hussar ,

’
Oh .
‘
,
s h o c k in
’
,dear boy repli e d th e chairman

in an affable undertone But we e xpect to b e a .
‘
b i t qui e t in A ugust Let me see I seem to know .

,
your face I n the profession ? I m a conjurer

.
’ ‘ ’
,
’
answered the o ffi c er Professor V e suvio You .
may probably know my name Can t say I m .

’ ‘
’ ’
familiar with it said the other , S till here s your

’
.
,
’
good e al th d e ar boy They chatted for some

’
, .
’
time unt il at last the soldier suggested that to give

, ,
a fill ip to the proceedings he should be allowed to ,
go on the stage and gi ve his legerd e main enter

t a in m e n t I won t give a long S how he said and "
’ ’
.
, ,
I should like to s e e how it goes with a London

audience I f they l ike it we can talk business A l l
.
, .
I shall r e quir e is a small tabl e

’
.
The Master of the R evels communicated through

his sp e aking t ribe with the stage manager and
- -
,
presently all was arranged The chairman rapp e d .
on th e table e xclaiming in stentorian tones S ignor

, ,
Vesuvio th e Wizard of the World will n e xt appear

, , ,
’
started the applause and th e young officer advanced ,
to the footlights Ladies and gentl e men he said

.
,
’
‘
I propos e to submit to your kind attention an
exhibition of prestidigitation upon an entirel y n e w

principle I guara ntee that no one in this hall has
.
ev e r seen an illusion p e rformed in the manner in

which I am now going to perform this one I will .
A NEW T R I C K 221
u se nothing but articles borrowed from the audience .
Will any gentleman kindly l e nd me a silk hat A n? ’
o l d man in t h e stalls who was list e ning with rapt
atte ntion immediately handed up his topper No w .
I want a good sharp p o c k e t k n ife N o that s not

’
f
.
,
large enough Thank you sir ; that will do nicely

.
, .
N ow can anyone oblige me with a large bandanna

,
?
or a lady s light shawl would answer my purpose

’
.
Thank you madam H e then proceeded to cut the ’

'
.
,
upper part of th e hat entirely away from the brim .
N ow you observe ladies and gentl e men ther e s

’
, , ,
no dece p tion no mirrors o r apparatus I don t

, .
’
think there is anyone in the hall prepared to

affirm that I have not cut the brim entirely off this
g e ntl e man s hat N ow we ll see wh e ther we can
’
.
’
repair it o r wh e ther we can t and he placed the ’
re mains of the hat and the pocket knife on the little -
table which stood at hand and covered them ov e r ,
with th e borrowed shawl N o w will some g e ntle

.
man with a watch kindly time me he inquired and

? ’
a young man produced his timepiece and v o l u n

t e ered I shall leave the stage for a time and in
.
,
two minutes precisely by this gentleman s watch ’
well you shall see what you shall see

, The .
’
orchestra struck up the strains of the Beautiful

Blue D anube waltz ; the gallant entertainer st e pped
lightly to the stage door hailed a hansom and drove
-
, ,
o ff to supper .
M r S amuel
. French who acquired the busin e ss ,
of Lacy the theatrical publisher in th e S trand con

, ,
c e iv e d a singular idea for che e ring his declining

y e ars H e ass e mbled together half a dozen fri e nds
.
,
younger men than himself all e ndow e d with various ,
powers of entertaining H e reminded them that h e .
was a wealthy man that his son was well provid e d

,
for and that he was minded to divide the bulk of

,
his property among this select e d few if they on ,
their sid e were willing to devote some of their tim e

to him H is conditions s e emed not unreasonabl e
. .
H e merely desir e d that th e y should dine with him

every S unday e v e ning and after dinner amus e him ,
by the exhibition of their various accomplishments .
O n e was to r e cite another to p lay the piano , ,
another to sing another to giv e his clever farmyard

,
imitations and s o forth , .
‘
The only stipulation I make said M r S amu e l ,
’
.
French is that if you elect to go in for this arrang e

,
‘
ment you undertake to go through with it I f you .
think it s going to bore you to din e with me S unday

’
after S unday why just say so right away and we re

, , ,
’
as we were I S han t be offended There was a

.
’
.
’
unanimous outcry and protest O h M r French ' .

‘
, .
Bored ! What next ! exclaimed one M y dear

’ ‘
.
S am quite apart from the question of any little

,
remembrance in the future there s nothing I S hould ,

’
enjoy so much as a little weekly r eu n ion ” cried .

224 R AN D O M R EM I N I SC EN C ES
them an r e voir till n e xt w e ek A n d e ach artist . ,
consol e d himself with t h e re flection that o n e is ‘
bound to vary a bit that th e s e cond p e rformance ,

’ ‘
always goes a bit flat and at all events t h e old ,

’ ‘
man seemed pleased, and that after all is the , ,
main thing .
’
The third S unday the singer dashed boldly into

the J udge s song from Trial by J u ry at which he
’
,
’
had been working hard all the week H ullo .
exclaimed M r S amuel French .what s this ?

,
‘
’
What about th e polka ? I thought stammer e d

’ ‘
,
’
th e vocalist you might like a change N o no

’
‘
.
, , ,
no thank you ! said his host th e rollicking polka s

,
’ ‘ ’
good e nough for m e Wh e n I want a change I ll .

’
t e ll you S o the tale of t h e impecunious party

.
’ ‘ ’
was abruptly abandoned and the morti fie d buffo had ,
again to fe ign enthusiasm for th e old fashion e d -
polka The p i an i st who had prepared a n ovelty in

.
,
the Shape of selections from La Cavalleria R s ti u
cana very wisely let his roll of new music lie in the
,
’
hall and contented himself with a repet i t i on of the

,
popular Carmen Fantasia The mimic how e ver

‘
.
’
, ,
co mmenced a serious recitation H e had chosen a stir .
ring passage from the Rub aiyat of O mar Khayyam ‘ ’

.
M y l f wh y g d id g l y f q t
se en o un ea er re ue n
D t d i t dh dg t g m t
o c o r an sa n , an e ar re a ar u en
Ab t it d b t—b t v ou m an a ou u e er o re
C m t b y th
a m d e ou i I w t e sa e o o r as n en .
W i th th m th d f l i g d id I w e e se e o e arn n so
A N A N GR Y L A Y ER 225
H ullo ! hullo ! what s all this inquired M r ’

.
S amu e l French .
I t s from th e R ub aiyat of O mar K hayy am

’ “
,
the great Persian philosoph e r said the comedian ,

’
proudly thinking to himself I l l show him I m not

, ,
‘ ’ ’
a mere clown I t s a really fine thing

.
’
A n d he
’
.
’
proceeded
Wi th th m th e e se e d of l e arn i ng d id I so w,
A d w i th m y
n o wn h an d w ro ug h t to m a k e it g ro w .
A n d t/zzs w as
'
al l th e h arv e st th at I re apt
I c am e l ik e w ate r, an d l ik e
‘
No , no ! interrupted the host never mind
’
,
‘
about the R ahat Lak o u m I want the old hen .
C ome on George lay the egg ! ,

’
There was no help for it George had to roll .
up his handkerchi e f and hide it on the sofa and ,
commence his Brt bt b t bt b t ! finishing with the‘

- - - -
’
leap on to the quaking sofa and the hoarse Cock a -
doodle do ! with the head thrown back But h e

-
’
.
was too angry to be abl e to succ e e d in bringing the

true scent of the farmyard into the drawing room -
.
H is clucking had an indignant ring in it which ,
suggested less the cachinnation of a contented

Cochin than the w ail of an aggrieved S panish
mother .
When he was leaving with the others and h is ,
host added the usual reminder to his farewell the ,
laye r o f eggs malg ré l u i said boldly N o M r

’
‘
- - - -
.
, ,
I S
F rench next S unday I m afraid I shall n ot b e able

,
’
to give myself the pleas u re of dining with you .

’
The old man s face slightly clouded over ’

Why .
‘
not pray ? he inqu i red gravely

,
’
—
Because e r I — .
‘
shan t be in town I shall be staying with some

’
.
friends in the country said the comedian defiantly ,

’
.
I am afraid said M r S amuel French firmly you

‘ ’
.
, ,
will have to disappoint your friends in the country

.
Yo u must tell them y ou were previously engaged to

me That was the understanding you know , .
’
The other bowed his head There was no escape . .
H e and his fellows had sold themselves on credit , ,
to the A merican publisher for S u ndays at all -

,
—
events for the term of his natural life .
For the greater part of a year these half dozen -
men once jolly companions every one stuck

,
‘
,
’
loyally to their bargain But melancholy com .
m e n c e d to furrow their cheeks their eyes lost their ,
lustre their bodies b ecame emaciated their bright

, ,
accomplishments became tedious in fi rm itie s Their .
gen i al old host seemed to perceive no difference in

them however A s they grew paler sadd e r and
,
.
, ,
older every week he seemed to grow rosier , ,
merrier and younger , .
O nl y one apostati z ed I th i nk i t was the once .
comic singer H e gave no word of warning .
S imply vanished from the countr y H is name was .
never afterwards mentioned at the S unday b anquets ,

228 R A N D O M R E M I N I S C E N CES
egg than he had laid for months and cackled over ,
it as enthusiastically as though i t had been his fi rs t

born .
I n the course of the we e k each received a card

printed in silv e r with a lady s maiden name in the
,
’
corner crossed with an arrow announcing the re ,
marriage of M r S amu el French A n d not very

. .
long after the old man died But not one of the .
sprightly entertainers received a legacy large or ,
small Whether matrimony altered M r S amuel

. .
French s vi e ws or the scheme from the first had

’
been a sardonic practical jok e on the old man s part ’
no one will e ver know I beli eve th e comedian has

.
entirely given up laying .
E ric Lewis and his kind old father once answered

an advertis e ment of a D achshund Pedigree dog . .
What offe rs and obtained for a small sum about a

?
’
yard of dog of which th e y became inordinate l y

,
proud E ric I r e member blossomed into rather

.
, ,
doggy clothes — coloured waistcoats and a scarf pin ,

-
re presenting a scudding hare H e also comm e nced .
to take in the F ie l d and prated of the

A l l R oyal A v e nue w e re at the diverging fe e t of
Buster as the dog was called and all the neighbour
, ,
ing Chelsea trad e smen paid him h o m ag e H e was x .
much praised by the baker who did a brisk trade in

,
S pratt s biscuits ; by the milkman who assured

’
E ric they want a lot of milk j ust while they r e

‘ ’
SU CH A D O G 229
S haping by the greengrocer who re presented that ,
living in town where they can t find the herbs they

,
’
need you S hould give e m pl e nty of green meat

,
’
,
’
and foisted an extra daily cab b age on to the dog

fanciers ; and by the butcher who declared there ,
was nothing so good for s t re ng th e n in a young

‘ ’
dog s teeth as a sirloin bone A t last E ric chanced

’
.
’
to meet a man who had bred many kinds of dogs ,
and obtained prizes all over the country H is first .
instinct was to brag about Buster but more m o d e st ,
principles pre vailed and he d e cided the dog should

,
exhibit his o w n m e rits and conquer this canine ,
authority as h e had conquered Chelsea by the ,
l e ngth of his body and ears and the faultless

bandiness of his fore legs A ccordingly E ric -
.
,
invited the breeder to come and dine .
Look here father he said as th e y were await

, ,
’
ing th e ir guest we won t say a word about Bust e r

,
’
.
We ll t e ll William to let him in after the pudding

’
and we ll j u st watch our guest s face when he

’ ’
catches sight of him I w on de r what he ll say .

’
.
’
I don t feel inclined to p ar t with Buster said

’ ’
‘
,
the old man whatever y our friend may offer for

,
‘
him .
’
N o no of cou r se not ! said E ric Besides I ’

.
, , ,
don t fancy he s r e ally a very rich man

’ ’
.
’
J ust then the guest w as announced The dinner .
w as bountiful and excellent but conversation ,

flagged for both hosts were looking forward to the

,
e ffe ct which should presently b e produc e d by th e ir
co up d e t/ze d tr e A t last as the final spoonfuls of

’
.
,
oaba a u r na m were disappearing the door opened ,
by some invisible means and in waddled Buster , ,
the conquering hero For some time the authority .
on dogs took no notice of him A t last he fixed his .
glass in his eye and after staring fo r a moment at

, ,
the pampered favourite he inquired doubtfully ,
"
I sn t there a bit of the B ack about that dog
’
7
‘
I wonder if anyone can ch ange me a cheque
for £ 2 asked the gentle humorous lovable , ,
composer A lfred Cellier one night as h e entered the ,
supper room of the Cormorant Club

-
I t s a most .
’
e xtraordinary thing but the hall porter tells me h e s

’
-
,
not allowed to cash cheques for m e mbers ( This .

’
was a new rule which the committee had been

,
compelled to make owing to the faulty financial ,
methods of many of the light hearted young Cor -
D orothy Cellier s most successfu l light

’
m o ran ts ) ‘ ’
.
,
opera was in the height of its success at this time

,
.
H e was enjoying a spell of tremen dous prosperity ,
and it was accordingly the povert y and not the will ,
of the smartly dressed bucks assembled which

-
prevented them from obliging the popular musician .
N o t one of them as it happened could muster more

, ,
than a sovereign wh e n suddenly a swarthy u n

, ,
kempt I rish journalist in unt i dy day clothes Barry , ,

232 R A N D O M R E M I N I SCEN CES
on to the ta b le A l fred wrote his cheque which he

.
,
handed with profuse thanks to the j ournalist rang ,
the bell cashed the note sent out £ 1 to the

, ,
cabman and settled himself down to a grill and a

,
pint of wine Barry sat patiently on as the club

.
,
emptied itself and towards four O cloc k he and the

,
’
composer were left alone — Cellier was always a

lat e bird A lfred my dear boy said the I rishman
.
, ,
’
,
drawing his chair round to the fire where his friend

was S i tt i ng I m in t h e devil of a hole and I want
,
’
,
you to get me out of it I m so infernally hard up .

’
I don t know which way to turn I don t want to

’ ’
.
bore you with all my worries but I haven t even ,

’
th e pric e of a cab home or of a whisky and soda ,

- -
.
But worse than that I v e got to find by to morrow

, ,
’
m o rn in g t h at s
m
to say by eleven o clock tk is
’
,
’
morning But I thought interrupted C e lli e r

‘
,
’
I fanci e d — I was de l ig h te d t o not i ce that s to say

‘
‘
’
,
that you d got a pocket cram full of money

’
So I .
’
have— but n o t a penny of it s mine I t s all my dear ’

.
’
old mother s I had to go into the City to day to

’
.
-
draw her divid e nds S he s been a great deal .

’
kinder to th e already than she can a fford I dare n t .

’
tell her of my troubles for I know S he d give me ,

’
th e money at once and I mustn t let her poor old

’
, ,
soul ! I m Sure you ll appreciate my feeling in the

’ ’
matter O f course your cheque s j ust as good as a

.
,
’
Bank of E ngland note I ll pay the lot into her .

’
F LEECED 233
account to morrow But I mustn t let her know of

-
.
’
m y troubles S o I thought that perhaps you d let

.
’
me have £ 8 for a week or two l i ke the good

,
natured chap that you are You said you only

.
wanted two you know

,
A n d A lfred Cellier immediately bade a permanent

farewell to eight hard earned sovereigns like the
-
,
te nd e r hearted lamb that he was

-
.
C H A PT E R XIII
‘
Cu sto me rs
’
P ro te c t o n i So c i ty —Ch i g
e ar n pi
Cro ss H o s tal
An p ti —A
o e ra won n un arran a t bl i t i
e n rus o n at W tm i
es t ns e r
H os pi t l —A l d y wh h
a a o c an g e d h e r d o c to r —Fi m
re d
e n an
th e i w y —H w t m k
r a s o o a e o ut a fi re ass u ranc e i v t y
n e n or
Fi re s in th e atre s .
IT was in S heer idleness and with no ulterior obj ect

that I chanced one morning to count the cont e nts of
one of the boxes of cigarett e s which I used daily to
buy at M essrs My bu rg and Piper s and found that
.
’
it contained only twenty four instead o f twenty -
five .
But the discover y came back to m y mind a long

time afterwards when I received a letter from the
M utual Communication S ociet y for the Protection
of Trade conj uring me to pay M essrs M y bu rg and
,
‘
P iper s account I t occurred to me that just as the

’
.
Chinaman who paints an ugl y face on his S hield to

frighten his enemy must h e himself timid of such
bogies so the poor tradesman whose untutored
,
mind thinks to alarm by flourishing the name of a

debt collecting S ociety would poss i b ly be terrified
-
‘
application for paym e nt George Washington .
immediately wrote back saying ,
F R y ER S’
A CCO U N T .
DEA R S I R ,
We have paid Fryer s account and hold the

’
receipt .
’
Then came a polite request that we S hould show

the rec e ipt we held To which George replied
.
F R YE R S’
A CC O U N T .
D EA R S I R ,
We are sorry to have to refuse to S how your

client s rec e ipted bill e xc e pt in the C ounty Court
’
, ,
for the following reasons : ( i ) To S how the i mpor .
tance of keeping receipts ; to S how the care l e ss

ness of West E n d trad esmen and (iii ) t o S how the
-
.
fallibilit y of S ocieties for the Protection of Trade .

’
That ended the correspondence .
The S oci e ty for the Protection of Customers w as

of considerable service to me for a long time I t .
ceased abruptly to e xist owing to an unpardonable

,
practical joke played upon me by one H arry

M orr e ll I was dining with him in E dinburgh and
.
,
he introduced m e —
to his brother in law a M r - -
.
M c K e n n a I think was the name—a most agree

, ,
L
abl e man My host made me tell him all about

.
‘
George Washington and the society to which he
’ ‘
,
’
C O M E, P REPA R E 237
listened with apparently amused attention When

I had finished M orrell said : A n d now i t s only
‘
,
fair to tell you who M c K e n n a is H e s S tubbs th e .

’
e ditor of S tu oé s s L is t M y Chinaman s S hield was

’ ’ ’
shattere d in an instant .
I t was about fifteen years ago that my friend the

late Edward Bellamy advised me to submit to his
knife H e arranged for me to b e taken in at
.
Charing Cross H ospital in a ward ( presented I

, ,
believe b y one of the Ro thschilds ) which had not

,
y et been officially open e d so that I had a room to

,
mys e l f H e t o ld me I need not go in till ten o clock

.
’
the night before the operation ; so until nine fifty I -
sat jovially in a n e ighbouring Club Two or three .
boon companions walked with me to t h e door of the

hospital where we parted in high S p irits ; but no
,
sooner had th e y l e ft me and I had crossed the

threshold bag in hand than I found all my gai e ty
, ,
oozing out at my fi ng e r tips There was a grave

-
.
air about th e plac e which gav e an impression of

strict attention to b usin e ss I glanced into a little
.
cubicl e on o n e S ide of the entrance hall ; a young -
surgeon was stitching up the head of a van driver -

,
who had probably fallen off his box In a .
corresponding apartment on the other side of

the atrium another young doctor was administer
ing aid to a poor woman who was covered with ,
mud and appeared to have been recently run over .

Presentl y the receiving o ffi ce r called me to his -
desk
N ame
Charles Bro o kfi e l d
‘
.
’
A ddress
S ackville S treet Piccadilly
’
2 7A , , .
N earest friend
I b e g your pardon
N ear e st friend in case anything happens
’
.
,
Oh I se e ! M y wife I suppose
’
.
, ,
S ame address
’
?
O h yes certainly
’
.
,
Then the porter hoisted my bag on his should e r

and led the way up a staircase and along a long
corridor to a lofty airy dimly lighted room where , ,
-
,
I was received by the S ister of the ward a delight ,
—
ful kindly lady S ister Frances she was called and—
two nurses They set up a screen and bade me
.
undress which I did and got into bed I t was an

, , .
operation bed harder and higher than an ordinary

-
,
one but very comfortable I slept very soundly

, . .
I n the morning the S ister held a kind of parade of

— —
apparently all the appliances the hospital pos
s e ssed S h e arrange d on a table in my full view
.
'
to my great discomposure a jar of chloroform and ,
a jar of ether each with a minute pyramidal fe lt cap

,
over the stopper ( d e stin e d presently to be used in

stifling me ) rolls of lint and of cotton wool a
,
-
,
240 R A ND O M R EM I N ISCEN CES
in which I fancied I was pursued by some deformed :

cre ature so hideous that I dared not turn round and
face it A nd then I he ard voices ap p arently a long
.
,
way off which gradually cam e n e arer and n e arer

,
and more and more intelligibl e until they turned ,
out to be thos e of Bellamy and his Friar Laurence

friend at the foot of my bed di sc ussing some s c ie n ,
t ifi c topic of the day .
I had a very happ y ten day s in Char i ng Cross

H ospital Bellamy scribbled on the slate o ver m y
.
bed Free diet ; two ounces Of whisky one cigar

, ,
after dinner The nurses were most attentive and

.
’
kind and the food was excellent

, .
I w e nt a l i ttle while ago to pay a visit to a friend

of mine who had broke n his ankle and who had ,
been taken to West minster H ospital Can you .

‘
tell me where I shall find M r A nning I inquire d .
of th e hall port e r S e cond door on the left on the

-
.
third floor he re plied N o ! I m wrong h e calle d

’ ’ ’
.
, ,
after me correcting hims e lf

,
I t s th e second floor.
‘ ’
— turn to your left— the third door

"
I rather con .
’
fused th e se directions in my mind and I think I ,
must have gone to th e th ird door on the third floor .
I was a little surprised to find my O l d friend appeared

to be indulging in the extravagance of a private
ward H owever I burst in h eartily and found
.
, ,
‘
myself alone in a smal l room with a poor corpse all

bandaged up and neatly arranged I was so taken .
LA M A LA D E I MA GI N A I R E
’
24 1
aback that hardly knowing what I did I mad e a

, ,
low bow and stamm e red out O h I l eg your

, ,
‘
,
pardon ! and withdrew I found A nning in the

’
accident ward on the floor below on th e highroad ,
to recovery indulging in a substantial tea with a

, ,
boiled egg in an in d iaru b be r egg cup -

.
A lthough M rs C h almers was n e arer seventy than

.
sixty S h e still stood somewhat in awe of h e r elder

,
siste r Lady D erwentwater who was eighty three

, ,
-
,
and who on the death of their moth e r sixty y e ars

,
before had acted in l oco p a e n tis to all her younger

,
r
broth e rs and sisters The relationship between the

.
two was much more that of guardian and ward than

of S ist e r and sist e r and it was more a sense of duty
,
than a d e sire for affectionate intercours e which

prompted M rs Chalm e rs to pay a monthl y visit to
.
her rather formidable kinswoman A l l the family .
—
th e re had be e n te n sisters and four brothers were
tall straight and vigorous
, , .
Lady D erwentwater despite her eighty thre e ,

-
years daily read the Time s without spectacl e s and

, ,
until r e c e ntly had been in th e habit of walki n g h e r

three or four miles a day But for some tim e past .
S h e had had a pain in one of her kne e s and like , ,
most p e ople who have nev e r been ailing before was ,
very impatient of t h e slight discomfort she had to

suffer I t never occurred to h e r that age might
.
hav e something to do with her trifling visitation .
16
242 R A N DO M R EM I N I SCEN CES
She bel i eved it to be entirely owing to the careless

ness or incapacity of her medical advisers and she ,
accordingly changed her doctor about once a week .
O ne day when M rs Chal mers called at h e r

, .
siste r s house in O nslow S quare s h e met in the hall

’
an old friend O f the family M aj or General F o n tan ie r ,

-
,
who had only lat e ly returned from I ndia and whom ,
she had not seen for twenty or thirty years H ow .
are y o u m y dear old friend she excla i med cordially

, ,
putting out her hand H ow very delightful to see .
you again a ft e r all th e se years ! A n d how very

well you re looki ng and if I may be allowed to say
’
, ,
so how remarkably young !

, Thank you my dear ’
M rs Chalmers replied the old soldier but in a pre

’
.
, ,
occupied tone as though h e had something grave ,
upon his mind or conscience You re extrem e ly .

‘ ’
.
—
kind I I m sorry I have to go just as you r e’ ’
arriving H ave you seen my sister ? H ow is

.
’ ‘
she asked M rs Chalmers

? ’
O h yes I v e se e n . .
‘
,
’
her answered the General with unaccountable

,
’
,
embarra ssment I kave —e r—seen her he re ‘ ’

.
l
,
e at e d S he s —e r— she seemed to me I regre t

‘ ’
p .
,
to say a good deal changed — in her manner that

, ,
is
.
’
M u st you go in such a hurry
‘
? pleaded ’
M rs Chalmers I m sure my sister would be

’
. .
delight e d if I c ould persuade you to come back .

’
N o no no ! cried th e o l d gentleman emphatically

’
.
, ,
I — I really mus t be o ff and at once Good day to , .

-
244 RA N D O M R E M I N I SC EN CES
you I daren t touch it myself

.
’
H e th e n said h e .
had to be off Bu t ar e n t you going to g i v e m e

.
’
anything ? I exclaim e d But th e e xtraordinary

”
.
little man was halfway down th e stairs by that tim e .
I shall certainly writ e to R hoda and tell h e r what I

think of him
I lived once in a ground fl o o r flat in A lbert -
M ansions I forget t h e number but my b e droom

.
,
was e xactly over the U nd e rground R a ilway and my ,
soap dish used to rattle every day at 6 a m as th e

-
.
first train passed ben e ath it I came ho m e one .
morning at about half past two and was soon in a -

,
very sound sle e p A few hours later probably at .

,
about five I heard a report which woke me e n

,
s u rs au t I t sounded to me like the report of a

.
pistol A n d while I was wondering who could b e

.
,
discharging firearms in my immediate n e ighbour

hood and why and so forth slumb e r re overtook
, , ,
-
me and I fe ll back into a stertorous dre aml e ss

, ,
S leep Two or three hours lat e r I was awaken e d

.
again by a huge fire man fully equip p ed in a brass ,
h e lmet and with brass should e r guards w h o was

,
-
,
attacki ng th e door of my bathroom which was ,
C los e to my b e d H e was much too gr e at a sw e ll

. ,
to O p en th e door in the ordinary way by turning ,
the handl e H e pre ferred to fe l l it in a profe ssional

.
manner with his axe A hos e lik e a sea s e rp e nt .

-
was then trail e d through my room and my m ag n ifi ,

A SSU R A N C E D OU B LY SU R E 24 5
c e nt fri e nd g rasp e d its brazen snout and com

ne w
m e n ce d to pour tons of water into my tiny lavatory .
I t appeared that my neighbour overhead was due to

arrive that morning from the Contine nt and that ,
some faithful servant had put a mattre ss to air in

front of th e fire that a red hot c oal had l e apt on to
,
-
the bed and set it s m o u l d e rin g that pres e ntly the

'
fire S pread to the floor and that the sound I had ,
heard which I had taken to be a pistol shot was

,
-
,
caused by all the furniture of the apartment above

tables chairs ottomans bookcases kn ick knacks
, , , ,
-
,
coal scuttle etc — falling within three yards of my

-
, .
head into my bath B ut the fireman assured me th e .
fire was under control and could not reach my bed , ,
so I turned over and finished my sleep .
I forget with what society my furniture was

insured but I wrote to th e secretary and an agent
, ,
cal l ed upon me the following day I opened a pint .
of champagne We each drank a glass . That s ’
an extremely nice wine sir remarked the agent , ,

’
.
I m very glad you like it said I I t s a v e ry nice

’ ’ ’
.
,
wine indeed sir he went on to say smacking his

, ,
’
lips . I was in the wine trade myself at one time ,
and I appreciate a good glass of wine Thank ee .

’
,
sir We then proceeded to inspect the wretched

.
’
bathroom My neighbour s furniture so suddenly

.
’
hurled into my charge had been by this time ,
removed Well sir said the agent what do

.
‘
, ,
’
,
‘
246 RA N D O M R E M I N I SC EN CES
you claim on ? I m afraid I can t put in much of

’ ‘ ’ ‘
’
a claim I repl i ed reluct antl y

,
’
You see there was .
‘
,
practically no furniture in the room O nly a wash .
stand and as it happened an old portmanteau

, , .
’
M ahogany washstand with double row of tiles in

back murmured my friend as he wrote in his note
,
’
book .China ewer basin soap dish brush holder , ,

-
,
-
,
sponge bowl and slop pail A n d w kat did you say

-
,
-
.
besides sir ? A portmanteau A n d with no ,
prompt i ng from me he continued to dictate to him ,
self : S ole leather po rtmanteau turnover foldings

-
, ,
cap c o rn e rs e xtra thick turned over at ends four

, .
, ,
steel bands Was there n ot/t ing else in the room

.
,
S ir ? he inquired We re not allowed to make

’ ‘ ’
.
suggestions y o u understand sir he added , But , ,

’
.
,
I suppose when you get out of your bath you

, ,
just stand on the bare boards don t you sir ?

,
’
,
’
O h no I said ; there was a scrap of carpet of

‘ ’ ‘
,
some kind Thank you sir said my friend

.
’ ‘
, ,
’
returning to his notes A xminster seamless .

‘
carpet 6 feet by 9 feet with border A n d you

, ,
.
don t mind I suppose sir he proceeded the

’
, , ,
’
,
‘
neighbours look i ng in and see i ng y ou in your bath

O f course you ll excuse my asking but we re not
’ ’
allowed to sugge st There was a blind to the ‘
window of course l said , Ve ry w e l l then re ,

’
.
, ,
’
t o rte d my friend with rising enthusiasm ; tka t s

‘ ’
what I wanted to know and he went on muttering

248 R A N D O M REM I N I SC EN CES
curb of his hel met with the other I rather think .
he was shouti ng H i hi hi ! under the impression

‘
, ,
’
he was on his engine and cl e aring a passage through

a crowd e d thoroughfare I t was sad to witness his
.
disap pointm e nt when he reach e d the spot where th e

flicker had tak e n place H e looked round heav e d
.
,
a sigh and retired muttering as he w e nt a way

, , ,
I t s a j olly funny thing people can t mind their

‘ ’ ’
own b usin e ss O w would tkey like it I wond e r if

.
’
, ,
I was to go on to the stage and play their bl o o m in

’
parts for em ’
M uch has been sai d about the danger of smoking

in theatres but after a great deal of inquiry I hav e
only heard of one case where a fire ( and that no
more serious than the one I have just mention e d )
has occurred i n a theatre owi ng to the use of tobacco .
I t was several years ago and I fancy at the , , ,
Criterion .
I t was the duty of the night watchman ( who was -
also a fireman ) to patrol the theatre at intervals

—
say every four hours and this duty he c o n s c ie n
t io u s l y carri e d out A four o clock morning h
’
t . o n e e
found the cocoanut matting in one of the passages

ignited and glowing H e speedily extinguished it
.
,
and then set himself to think to what this c o n fl ag ra

tion could o w e its origin Being a man with a .
memory and a logical mind and S herlock H olmes

instincts h e finally came to the conclusion that th e
,
FL A GRA NT EV I DEN C E 249
cause of this phenomenon was traceable to the

that on his previous round to see that all was safe
, ,
he had chosen that particular spot at which to e mpty

out against his heel the contents of the pipe he was
smoking .
C H A PT E R XIV
A p l i ti
o ca l p ro g ramme —T i l b y j y —J ti h t h y
ra ur us ce s u s er e es
An it g
ad ro
‘
e t ou
-
t
’
—A m p y —
coA p i h J dg
an c ase eev s u e
The j y di
ur sag re e —I th I l f W ig h t—Sh ip w k —A
n e s e o re c s
z e al o u s c o astg u ar d —T h [ x— Th C mp l t R i t
e re t e o e e ec er a
f l
au t—A tr ip to M d i —A b i l t
a e ra —H pi t l i ty t
ur a a se a os a a
F u nc h al —D utch c o u rag e .
P ROMI N EN T in the multitude o f matters a b out which

I know absolutely nothing is the subject of politics
but I found myself one night in the smoking room -
of the O l d S hip H otel B ri ghton during election , ,
week when everyone was talking vehementl y and

,
enthusiastically about the Conservative candidate

( they were Tories to a man ) and it would have ,
been not onl y churl i sh but almost dangerous not t o , ,
have jo i ned in the p aean of praise H owever em .

,
boldened by the cup I determined to go one ,
better than the rest S o when I was appealed to

’
.
, ,
I sa i d calml y : I take no interest in the p resent

‘
election I shall not go to the poll nor shall I ever

.
,
support a candidate until one shall appear willing to

pledge himself to my programme A n d what may .
’ ‘
25 2 R A N D O M R E M I N I SCE N C ES
Justice at a quarter past ten of the Clock in the fore

-
noon precisely on the day specified The only .
occu p ant of the court when I arrived was the usher ,
who with an obvious sense of the confidence reposed

,
in him was engaged in the task of collecting sort

, ,
ing and redistributing n umberless quill pens I

,
.
was glad that I met him fo r he was the only offi cial ,
of all whom I met who at all realiz e d my ideal of

what a legal magnate S hould be H e was j udicial .
though not pedantic patro nizing though not super ,
c il io s and busy though not industrious I trust

u , .
this gentleman is well paid and that he is not oblige d ,
to keep up his position merely on occasional tips of

the odd shilling from the S pecial j uryman s guinea ’
.
Gradually the court filled M y fellow compurgators .

-
and I crowded round the A ssociate of the court ,
and everyone endeavoured to convince h im how

except i onally inconvenient it was in the particular
case of each to leav e his business to attend to that
of the Crown The A ssociate was civil but obdurate
. .
There was accordingly nothing for us to do but to

, ,
take up our places at the back of the court and wait

to be empanelled Pres e ntly my friend t h e usher
.
announced the arrival of the J udge and Lord S ilver ,
ton entered s upported by a faithful old white haired

,
-
retainer who att e nded to his lordship throughout

,
the day brought him his medicine and so forth

, , .
The case was one which had been part h e ard so ,

J UST I C E N OD D I NG 25 3
th e j ury of the day before took their plac e s I t was .
a case in w hich a widow sued a shipping company

for damages for the loss of her husband w h o had ,
b e en kill e d by the all e g e d negligence of one of t h e

workmen employed by the company and much u s e ,
was made of a model vessel the rigging of which

,
soon became hopelessly entangl e d by the nervous

manoe uvrings of a j unior counsel with a limited
knowledge of navigation But this case was soon
.
disposed of and immediat e ly afterwards at about

, ,
mid day my name was called out with those of

-
,
el e ven others and we entered the box

, .
The action which we had to try was brought by

a young me chan i c against a tramway company for
damages for injuries received in a fall from one of
th e ir cars The cas e was a very simple and common
.
pl ac e one s o much so that Lord S ilverton on his

,
—
return from luncheon wh e ther from lack of interest
in a case about which his quick perception had at
the outset enabled him to make up his mind or ,
merely from th e effects of the process of digestion

allowed himself to fall fast asl e ep I am bound to .
admit that h e had h e ard two or three witnesses for

the plaintiff b e fore slumber beguiled him ; he had
even been suffici e ntly awake in the e arly part of the
afternoon to re p e at as his own a mild witticism of
, ,
the j unior couns e l and to j oin deprecatingly in th e

,
laughter w hich greeted the little joke when it came

from the lips of his lordship But from about five .
minutes to thre e till a quarter past Lord S ilverton

slept l i ke a child of a year old I t was only the .
work of a few seconds however for th e A ssociate

, ,
and the usher and the white haired servant aforesaid

-
to arouse his lordship when the time came A n d .
considering the shock of waking from dreams of a

rural retreat covered with hon e ysuckle and of ,
clambering little ones with golden heads lisp i ng

forth prayers for appointments and S inecures and
marshalships to the st e rn reality of a British law
,
court where justice is impartially administered, it is

,
hardly to his lordship s discredit that he should

’
inadvertently have begun to sum up upon the pre

v io u s case Gentlemen of the jury he commenced ’
.
, ,
‘
it is for you to decide wheth e r you attach credit to
the evidence given by the witnesses for the pl ain tifl
or to that given by the witnesses for the defendant
. .
I f you believe the evidence of the stevedore you ,
will come to the conclusion that t h e starboard guy

rope was slackened off in so sudden and unskilful a
manner as to imperil the sa fety of anyone standing on
or near the counter or in proximity to the binnacl e .
You will be bound in that case to come to th e conclu

, ,
sion I beg your pardon my lord exclaimed

‘
, ,
’
a rash young barrister employed in the case but ,

‘
this is the case of Lu c o ck and the Trans suburban -
T ramcar C ompany Well well retorted h i s

.
’ ‘
, ,
’
25 6 R A N D O M R E M I N I SC EN C ES
obviously to their intere st to invest in share s in the

n e w Com any which will so m at e rially enhanc e t h e
p ,
valu e of the stock they already hold On a n d af te r .
A p r il i s t ne x t a l l tke s ka r e s n ot s u bscr ioe d

f or (if
a ny
) w il l é e of fe re d to tko g e n e r a l p u ol ic at a p r e
m iu m f
o s ix
p e r ce n t A l l t
.k e o r d in a r
y s k a r e s ka v e
oe e n s u os cr ioe d f o r a nd f u l ly p a id up ’
.
M iss Pe n n y c u ic was already a S hareholder in the

I sle of Wight C e ntral R ailway ; so it appear e d to
h e r that if S h e were to buy £ 500 worth of this p re
fe rence stock at par hold it until A pril I and th e n
, ,
s e ll it to the public at six premium S h e would be as , ,
they say in the City on v e l v et A n d in th e ory

,
‘
.
’
She was right ; but she was unabl e p ractically to

carry out her scheme as al though the share s w e re
, ,
duly ofi e re d to t h e public at six premium they found

'
no buyers nor did they when offered at ten twenty

, , ,
fifty or even eighty discount There was further

, , .
,
more a misleading lack of frankness a b out the final

,
dozen words abov e quoted .
When S ir H umphrey S c ratc h e ll Bart the pro , .

,
—
moter of the company in fact all that remained of ,
—
the company and the defendant in the suit h ad ,
applied to Parliament for permission to give fresh

,
impetus to his company by making a fresh issue of

shares to the public this permission was accorded to
,
him only in the event that he could show that all the
original shares had be e n fully paid up A s only .
.
A P UZ Z L ED J U D GE 25 7
about worth had been applied for S ir ,
H umphrey was for a moment nonplussed until he ,
hit on the happy i dea of handing over about

worth of shares to his contractor in
payment of a bill for about Pract i cally ,
putting minor po i nts on one S ide the question for ,
the jury to decide upon was whether the suppre ss i on

in the prospectus of the fact that the contractor was
receiv i ng payment of his bill in shares and not i n “
cash and that the great majority of the shares

,
described as fully paid up had been handed over

‘
to th e contractor in such payment amounted to a ,
fraudulen t suppression or not .
M r Wince Q C conducted the case for the

.
, . .
,
plainti ff with great skill ; in fact his hobnob b ing ,
method with the jury struck me as being on the

whole even more convincing than the quietly
indignant dignity of M r Findlater Q C (for the .
, . .
defendant ) who however at times almost succeeded

, , ,
i n conveying the impression that a board o f railway

directors was a species of court of honour The case .
went smoothly and straightforwardly enough There .
was one slight d e lay of twenty minutes or so when ,
M r J ustice M anikin slightly overrating his mental

.
,
agility endeavoured to find a marked p assage on

,
the page of a l edger which was handed to him by

M r Wince
. .
‘
Who is this Mr J ones asked h i s lordship look
.
,
I 7
25 8 RA N D O M R EM I N I SCE NC ES
ing over the top of his double e y e g lass es I have -

.
‘
nothing about him in my notes .

’
Your lordship is looking at the wrong page said ,

’
M r Wince
. If your lordship would k i ndly loo k
.
‘
at the right hand page i nstead of the left h and

- -
page
But wh y should I n ot look at the le ft hand -
page said his lordship b eginn i ng to look seriously ,
suspicious .
Because my lord w i th great deference there s

, , ,
’
nothing there concerning this particular case sa id ,

’
M r Wince w ith an engaging smile

.
, .
But if th e re s nothing here concern i ng this

’
particular case re p e ated the J udge puzzled and

,
’
, ,
g e tting rather annoyed why am I given th i s ledger ,
at all
I was anxious for y our lordship to gla n ce at the
passag e which I mark e d in pencil on the right hand -
page but if your lordship thinks it immateri al

,
said M r Wince apologetically

. .
I had bett e r commence at the first page and read ,
this l e dger entirely through snapped his lordship ,

’
thoroughly displ e ased and convinced that he was ,
b e ing im p osed upon A n d w hilst M r J ustice . .
M anikin was e ngaged in trying to deci p her im

mat e rial matt e r contained in the l e dg e r ( which I am
by no means sure he had not by this time got upside
down ) Mr Wince took the O pportunit y to confide
, .
j udiciously tempered with shrewdness to the main ,
t e n an c e and practice of her system of trial by j ury .
The first man I approached w as almost indignant

that the kon a fi de s of the prospectus S hould be
-
impugned . Why said he at the end of a long

‘
,
’
harangue as a final r e d u ctio ad aos u r d u m of the

,
whole case I myself hav e mad e statements in

,
‘
many a prospectus which were quite as bad as any

in this here one I tried to explain that as th e s e
.
’
other prospectuses were not under consideration h e ,
might without in any way dimming the rosy rays

,
in which his own statements therein contained had

been allowed to bask contemplate in a colder ,
light the ill e gitimate ass e rtions of S ir H umphrey

S c rat ch e ll A ll I can say is he persisted if this
‘ ’ ‘
.
, ,
here prospectus is fraudulent then half th e pro ,
s p e c tu s e s in the City are fraudulent A n d he fold e d

’
. .
his arms as a S ign that the discussion so far as he ,
was concerned was at an end H is next neighbour

, .
repeated all this only in a more polished mann e r

, ,
being a man of more finished or at all events of

"
, , ,
more satisfactorily commenced education He , .
gav e his remarks quite a classical gloss by stating

more than onc e that whereas th e re may be a ‘
,
certain amount of supp r e ss io v e r i in this prospectus ,
there app e ars to me to be no e xp ositio f al s i A n d .

’
I think the pl e asure of thus glibly talking Latin

to an audience of eleven fellow citizens was a far -
A P A T R I OT I C J U R OR 25 1
gre ater reward to him than the guinea he afterwards

received for his services The n e xt whom I tried .
to win over was an entirely different specimen of

j uryman H e was standing aloof from the rest with
.
,
—
a rather amused expression of face a fair bronzed , ,
military looking young man in a smart loose blu e

-
, , , ,
great coat and a v e ry brightly Shining hat tipped

-
,
-
over his eyes H e only laughed languidly when I

.
endeavoured to discuss the facts of the case with

him and all I could get out of him was that the
,
‘
poor old J ohnnie wanted the stuff devilish bad — and

he got it by gad ! D evilish smart of the old
,
J ohnnie ! I t was impossible to persuade this light

’
hearted son of M ars to take any other than this

somewhat fl ipp an tly cynical view of the position .
The fourth and final supporter of the defendant s ’
case was a far more familiar and British type of

juryman Gentlemen he said addressing all of us
.
,
’
in the tone of one in the habit of appealing to the

higher sentiments of respectable ratepayers who ,
‘
are we that we should stamp a gentleman I may —

—
say a Baronet o f S ir H umphrey S cratch e ll s position ’
— — —
with so grave a a taint as the the stigma of
fraud ? We had it i n evidence gentlemen —I d on t ,
’
know if you gave the matter your attention —but we

had it in evidence that S ir H umphrey passes his
—
holidays a t k ome in his own country H e doesn t .
’
go off to H omburg or S witzerland or France ,

spending his money on foreigners A nd I venture .
to maintain that it is our duty to e n cou r ag e our

aristocracy in this course and not to throw cold ,
water upon them by finding them guilty of fraud .

’
To make a long story less long the jury fail e d to ,
agree We were reprimanded for our obstinacy by

.
M r J ustice M anikin and poor old M iss Pe n n y cu ic

.
,
failed to recover her 50 0 and had to pay her own ,
costs E ach of us jurymen received a guinea for

.
assisting at a sad miscarriage of justice .
I ndeed I personally made a little more for I

, ,
wrote an article for the Spe ake r and another for the ,
S t j a me s s G az e tte ( to which I have been permitted

’
.
to refer) which together brought me in a nother

seven gu i neas .
When I lived in the I sle of Wight I asked my ,
friend H arry D amant who was Lloyd s agent for ,

’
the island to let me know some day when he had

,
news of a shipwreck A ccordingly he called for me

.
,
one February morning in a dogcart and told me ,
h e had just received tidings of two wrecks one in—

the n e ighbourhood of S t Catherine s Point and the .
’
other o n the N eedles I expect we d better go to

.
‘ ’
the S t Catherine s Point one he said

.
’
I think ,
’
.
‘
she s th e more likely to be a big vess e l S o we

’
.
’
drove off to the south point of the island and A ther ,
S tone D amant a younger brother was d espatched

, ,
to the N eedles When we reached our destination

.
brand new on her first trip S h e lay her bows in

-
, .
,
the air with the sea breaking over her after deck
,
-
.
S even l i ves had been lost including the captain s ;

’
the rest had been saved by the very apparatus the

use of which had been burlesqued the day before .
But a good deal occurred s o I learnt—calculated to

—
shake one s belief in the poems about the saving of
’
life at sea which are so proudly and glibly recited at

penn y readings and so rapturously applaud e d I n
, .
the first place the lifeboat instead of riding over

,
- “
the billows propelled by brawny arms and hearts of

oak with wives and sweethearts waving their hand
,
kerchiefs on the distant sh ore—was towed b y a tug

to within ha i ling distance of the disabled vessel ,
and after a short colloquy under di fficulties was

, ,
towed home again without rescuing anyone Then .

,
again when the rocket had been succ e ssfully used

,
and the hawser made taut between the top of the

—
cliff and the mainmast in the rigging of which ten
or a do z en soused and half frozen wretches were -
desperately clinging— all were got safely ashore

b ut one—a lad with a broken leg Who ll go and .
’
save the b oy ? someone sang out A ccording to all

’
.
trad i tion there should have been a rush of volunteers

,
.
But as a matter of fact although there was a large

, ,
crowd assembled mostly men used to the sea and its

,
perils nobody would run the risk The boy was

,
.
left freezing in the rigging his broken leg dangling

, ,
A D EAT H A T SEA 26 5
until morning when the ship s cook a nigger con

,
’
, ,
sented to go and fetch him .
I went on b oard with D amant at about mid da y

, ,
-
.
We found one of the apprentices diary kept up to ’
the even i ng be fore the wreck The last words were .
‘
Cargo S hifted We are bound to go down Going
. .
to have a game at cards The poor boy was .

’
drowned but he had had his game for we found the

, ,
cards scattere d about his cabin which was half under ,
water I picked up the S ix and the two of hearts

.
,
which were making Baccarat on the end of his

bunk and I have had th e m inlaid into the cover
,
of a card box made out of a piece of teak wh i ch I

-
found on deck .
A t the end of D ecember 1 8 8 6 I went b y the S S

, ,
.
Pr e tor ia to Madeira for a few days A rather .
gruesome incident too k place on the voyage out I .
was walking about on deck on N e w Year s Ev e ’
—
after dinner with a very pleasant man a second
,
class passenger— who talked a ffectionately about his

wife and baby told me he was going to N atal partly
, ,
fo r pl e as u re partly on business and partly for his

'
, ,
health We turned in at about half past eleven

.
- .
N ext morning my servant told me he and others

had been awoke in the night by cries for help had ,
rushed to my fri e nd s cabin from which they pro’
c e e d e d and found him struggling with the steward

,
.
I t appeared that my new acquaintance was a dipso

266 R A ND O M R EM I N I SCENC ES
maniac and that he had contrived to smuggle a

,
bottle or two of brandy into his cabin that aft e r ,
turning in he had made an incursion upon his

cellar and had brought on an attack of delirium
,
tremens A fter he had been tied down he had had

.
a r e lapse and died at about two in the morning

,
.
A t about a quarter to twelve o ff Porto S anto the , ,
engines S lowed down and a bell was tolled We all .
came forward none of us quite sure of what was to

,
take place and discovered that the remains of the

,
unfortunate man were about to be buried in the sea .
There happened to be a couple of hundred troops

on board who were paraded and added to the
, ,
picturesqueness of the scene The body was .
brought up by six bare footed blue jackets in white - -
ducks I t was stitched up in a hammock with

.
,
weights at the feet borne upon a plank and covered

, ,
w ith the British flag The S kipper read the service

.
,
and w h e n h e pronounced the words We therefore ,
commit his body to the deep to be turned into ,
corruption etc the p lank was tipped up and from

,
’
.
, ,
beneath the U nion Jack the grisly load plunged

into the sea I mmediately afterwards ping —ping
.
sounded from the bridge the screw resumed its ,
revolutions and most of us hurried off to smoke and

,
chat and cheer ourselves as best we might I n the .
saloon the second o fficer was eating a hurried me al

preparatory to taking his watch A young A nglican .
contin u ed the conversation they had left off with my

parents thirty four years previously A n d how is
-
.
S tephen S pring R ice who was here with your ,
fath e r ? they asked O h he died I think befor e

’
.
‘
, , ,
I was born I had to reply or at all ev e nts when

’
, , , ,
I was quite a child I ndeed I m sorry to hear

’ ‘ ’
.
,
that said M rs H inton

,
’
H e se e me d quite strong . .
and well A n d they inquired with the same friendly

.
’
solicitude about numb e rs of old friends who had

been sleeping peacefully in their graves for a
quarter of a century They gave me an excellent .
dinner and pli e d me with rare vintages of M adeira

wine to such an extent that wh e n I left their ,
hospitable g u in ta ( I had been almost a teetotaler

for about a month ) I was quite conscious to quote , ,
from the police courts that I had b een dining ,

‘
.
’
H owever I was able to walk without the semblance

,
of a lurch back to the S anta Clara to wind u p my ,
watch fold my clothes and retire in ord e r to bed

, ,
‘
.
S uddenly in the middle of the night I awoke and

, , ,
saw my bedroom distinctly j erk from left to right

twice and after a pause repeat th e performance
, .
The ewer rattled in the basin with each oscillation ,
and even the chairs and tabl e s e e m e d to join in the

strange supernatural fandango This said I to .
‘
,
’
mys e lf is e vidently an effect peculiar to the wines

,
‘
of Madeira and no doubt the phenomenon is ,
enhanced by my abnormal abstinence of the last few

D U T C H CO U R A G E 269
w e eks I could never have bel i eved I went on to

.
,
’
think that a mere nervous paralysis of the brain

,
‘
,
due to drinking an extra glass or two of good wine ,
could possibly have produced such a complete optical

illusion A n d musing in this fashion I soon fell
.
’
, ,
back into a sound sleep I n the morning when I .

,
left my an nexe to go to breakfast I was astounded ,
to find the garden of the hotel converted into a kind

of concentration camp S uch of my fe llow guests.
-
as had not hired surf boats and put out to sea were
-
huddled together under extemporized tents nursing

their j e wel cases dressing bags and valuables
-
,
-
,
.
O h sir
, cried one or two do you mean to say ,
‘
that y ou stayed in your room al l g /i t What a ne
brave man you must be ! I t appeared that during ’
the night the island had been visited by a violent

earthquake which I in all innocence had attributed
, , ,
to the bowl
C H A PT E R XV
Mo n te Carl o —Th e e n c h an tm e n t o f th e pl ac e —Su nny me mo r e s i

i
A ga t n in t o e d
h s a y s — T h e d égm ng ol aae o f th e c ro u pi e r
'
’
A d i sp u te d s tak e — —
P l ay i ng o n a sy ste m Th e o nl y sure way
to w i n — F r e n c h i v —
d e te c t e s T e h i r n aiv e te—A F re nc h c o n ‘
fi d e n c e man
-
.
’
A PRA CT I CA L man with no i maginat i on or adapta

b il ity will see i n Monte C arlo only a garish M argate
with a monoto nous sea a deceptive sun and mur , ,
d e ro u s winds shoddy people vice in most un be

, ,
coming dishabille and he will resent being Charged

,
a missionary s ransom for a brandy and soda To

’
- -
.
enjoy M onte Carlo you must be willing to be mes

,
m e riz e d to submit your will and j udgment to t h e

,
fairy spirit of the place You immediately find .
yourself in a twinkling paradise where money is

—
public property that is to say as soon as your ,
pocket is empty you borrow from the nearest

,
stranger ( the ordinary unit being a m il l e or about ,
where every one is happy in the possession

of the philosopher s stone —that is to say of a
’
system d ifferent from anyone else s by which the ’
,
272 RA ND O M R EM I N I SC EN C ES
D exter, who is now no more S atyr faced little .

-
A sti the composer was frequently of our party

, , ,
sometimes with his charming wife and sometim e s ,
not We were rather too Bohemian for I sidore

.
N o tad o re b ut now and then w hen more august

, ,
hosts could spare him he would look in and give us ,
a little t one A t the end of the banquet whoever

.
,
felt richest produced a purse and paid the bill .
When nobody had an y money— which happened on

one or two rare occasions — the meal was put down
to Tom D exter who was staying at the hotel an d , ,
had a running though tethered account I t is , ,

.
difficult to i magine M onte Carlo without Tom

D exter H e was popular with eve ryone even th e
.
,
pol i ce authorities with whom he occasionally j oined ,
issue H e was extremely good natured tall loose

.
-
, ,
limbed athletic a good pigeon s hot but owing to

, ,
-
, ,
his generosity carelessness and fondness for the

, ,
tables generally in financial low water H is most

,
-
.
c e lebrated exploit with the M onte Carlo police was

man y years ago before the local round house was ,
-
rebuilt I n those days it was like a prison in an

.
—
opera set that is to say it consisted of a small
‘
,
room bu i lt of stone with heavy doors studded with

, ,
nails Tom had caused s ome disturbance late at

.
night and after invaliding several officers of the

, ,
law he was finally overcome by numbers and at

, ,
l as t led o ff b y ten tin y commissaire s de p ol ice to this

A N I NTER NA T I O N A L Q U EST I O N 273
rid i culous dungeon The door was unloc k ed and .

,
eight of Tom s guardians preceded him into the cell

’
.
Their ill manners cost them their liberty for no ,
sooner were they inside than Tom seized the other

two by the scruffs of their necks threw them in ,
after their companions and locked the massive doors ,
upon them H e then threw the key into one of the

.
fountains strolled home to bed and slept the sleep

, ,
of a S amson I n the morning a smiling Chief

.
I ns pector called upon him and told him that if only

he would restore the key or tell them where it w as ,
to be found all should be forgiven Tom however

, .
, ,
denied all knowledge of the night s adventure and ’
by his truculent demeanour so terrified the police

official that he tore downsta i rs leaving his hat ,
behind him The prison doors had to be prized

.
ope n by workmen But nothing came of it as far .

,
as D exter was concerned and for all I know the , , ,
key lies still in the basin of the fountain .
The last time I saw Tom D e xter at M onte Carlo

he was j ust starting to call upon the British Consul .
I v e got a pretty clear case this time he said san

’ ’
g u ine l
y these rotten little gendarmes ! I m going ’
to give em a lesson A thousand pounds damages

’
.
,
or I ll know the reason why

’
What have they .
’ ‘
done this time ? I asked Took us off last night

’
.
me and Peter Parley and J em Finne y—and locked

us up he exclaimed with the air of a martyr A nd
,
’
.
18
274 R AN D O M R EM I N I SCEN CES
one little wretch actually presented a revolver at m y

head ! ’
What had you b een doing I inquired
‘ ? ’
.
N othing at all said Tom d e cisively ; that s to

’ ‘ ’
,
,
—
sa y we Came out of the club the room upstairs ,
—
you k now rather late and we wanted a drink , .
There wasn t any light in the H Ote l de Paris and

’
the y didn t answer the bell so I just tried with my

’
,
S houlder i f the door was fastened and it opened o f ,
i ts own accord We switched Up the light and .
found some whis ky and syphons and as there was , ,
n o b od y to wa i t on u s we helped ou rselves naturally , , .
S udden l y a l o t o f these little comm issaire devils

c ame in and said something about vo l d e n u it a v e c
e r action and walked us off go quietl y

f D id
’
?
’
r , y ou .
I asked .
—
Er y es o h y es ! Fairl y quietly said
‘
, ,
’
Tom . O f course I was angry when the little

‘
,
b rute pulled out his re v olver H ad y ou struck .

’
him ? I as ked not i cing that Tom was rather sur

’
re pt itio u sl y nursing a freckled leg of mutton he was

pleased to call his hand N 0 I l l swear to go od .
,
’
ness I didn t protested my friend of the i njured

’
,
’
i nnocence H e wouldn t be alive if I bad But I

.
’
.
—
may have just pushed h i m he had conscientiousl y ,
’
to admit as he d isplay ed two broken k n ric kl e s I .
am afra i d he never got h i s damages .
The following w i ll S how ho w cas ually a Monte

Carlo ba i lee regards his responsi b ilities
O ne morn i ng I found Tom D exter and J em
276 R A N D O M REM I N I SC EN CES
melancholy and marked I n my youth he was a .
—
mysterious being s an s p e u r e t sa n s r ep r oc/z e N O .
one v e ntured to speak to him except officially and ,
if any big winn e r felt impelled to send him a

souvenir he sent it in a most roundabout way and
,
with much trepidation I think it us e d to be l e ft .
for him at the tobacconist s But to day the Knight ’

.
-
of the R ake will murmur hints to his neighbour ,
especially if the neighbour be a lady S hould the .
tip not come off he will whisper J e n ai pas osé , ,

‘ ’
,
on me guette ; but if by a remote chance the ’
number or colour he has recommended should win ,
he smilingly requests a commission Ce que .

‘
madame plaira h e will generously suggest

,
’
.
O ne day M rs D espard who had been losing .

,
heavily at trente e t quarante came b ack to roulette

- -
, ,
and planked a louis e n p l e in on to her favourite

‘ ’
17. To her great delight the croupi e r called out , ,
D ix sept noir impair e t manque and pushed the

’
-
, , ,
thirty fi v e louis on to the centre square on the

-
board M rs D espard stretched forward to collect

. .
her winnings but before her taper fingers could e n

,
compass them a well bred looking quietly dressed - -

,
-
E nglish woman sitting on the opposite S ide of the

table had firmly scooped the lot I beg your ‘
.
’ ‘
pardon madam exclaimed M rs D espard that was

, ,
’
.
,
my stake The lady with the nine points of the

’
.
law on her side and by this time piled u p in four

, _
A TI M E LY W I TNESS 277
pyramids in front of her looked gravely up with no , ,
S ign of excitement and remarked very quietly

, ,
Perhaps you would like to take my purse as well

M rs D espard turned crimson with m o rtifi c atio n and
.
, ,
with a vague sense that her blush would be taken

as an admission of guilt turned away sick at heart
, , ,
and hurried from the rooms But a gentl e man .
pursued her into the v e s tia r e I l eg your pardon .

‘
,
M rs D espard he exclaimed : I v e never had the

’
.
honour of be i ng introduced to you though of , ,
course I v e oft e n had the pleasure of seeing you on

,
’
the stage My name is S ilvester I t was my wife

. .
who by mistake claimed your money j ust now I

, , .
was at the end of the table and I s aw you back 1 7 , .
S h e had been planking her money about rather

wildly and she firmly believed of course that S h e
, , ,
had put on that number H ere she is Will you . .
allow her to apologize ? ’
‘
O h M rs D e spard how can I apologi z e s u ffi
, .
,
c ie n t l
y cried M rs S ilvester
. S uch an app a l l ing .
‘
mistake to have mad e ! H ere s the mone y D o ’

.
p r ay try and forgive me

The good natured Mrs D espard made light of
-
.
the mishap But she only realized in how extra

.
ordinarily an untoward way it might have develop e d

but for the vigilant eye of the excellent M r S il .
vester when that evening at a dinner party given ,

-
by old Lady Cromlech ( whom she only knew

Slightly ) at th e M étropole H ot el she found hers e lf ,
seated face to face with the aristocratic looking lady -
who had so firmly b e l ieved she had back e d 1 7 .
Little M rs Frisby was not what you could call a

.
gambl e r Sh e had v e ry little money and only

.
‘
playe d in fi v e franc pieces with an occasional louis

-
,
on an even chance I n fact she often only e nt e red.

,
the rooms from a sort of D ante s ense of duty just ,
to walk through the I nferno and s e e what might be

going on But one day she discovered two old
.
friends of hers Lady H ardley D as e nt and her ,

-
daughter ( whom she had no idea were in M onte

"
Carlo) sittin g beaming but collected with piles of

, , ,
gold in front of them My dear Clara exclaimed .
the old lady as soon as she caught sight of M rs

“
.
,
Frisby H ow delightful ! E nid you must take

.
,
the card for a little I m tired and I want to talk .

’
to Clara and handing a much be ridd le d piece of

,
pasteboard to her daughter she turned round and , ,
aft e r as a matter of decency i nqu i r i ng aft e r Lysi

, ,
m ac h u s ( M rs F ris by s son and h e ir aged thre e ) S he

’
.
, ,
proceeded to divulge a wonderful system which had

been explained to her and her daughter by a
R ussian professor who sat near them at the ta l l e
d kote of the H Ote l de l Eu ro p e where they were
’ ‘ ’
Staying I t was a syst e m of v o is in s

. M rs Frisby . .
tried hard to grasp it fired by the glitter from the ,
golden range of hills in front of her fortunate fr i ends .

28 0 RA N D O M R EM I N I SC EN C ES
to the good This is absolutely supernatural !

.
‘ ’
thought the delighted little lady Why isn t this .

‘ ’
system bett e r known ? Why doesn t everyone play ’
it Because if
? Faites votre j eu messieurs , ,
mesdames urged the croupier

,
’
But how s this ? .
’ ’
reflected M rs Frisby I f this R ussian profe ssor s

. .
’
theory of cubes and cube roots i s SCi e n tific all y sound ,
nothing but five and twenty fi v e can ever tu rn up on -
c n —
this particular yl i d e r at least not for seventeen
é ,
million years I can t have got hold of it quite

.
’
correctly A n d yet I ve won S ixteen pounds so I

.
’
, ,
must h ave got at all events some rough i de a of the

, ,
S w i ng of it I ll just go and ask d e ar Lady

’
.
H ardley D as e n t what you re to do after a certain

-
’
numb e r of fiv e s and tw e nty fi v e s have turn e d up -
and S h e sought out her friends They had black .
dabs und e r their eyes and they were looking each , ,
of them twenty years old e r Their golden range

, .
—
had been razed to the ground that is to say the piles ,
of louis had disappeared and each lad y was prying ,
into the corners and crannies of her purse to see

whether some venturesome gold piece might not
have rollick e d into the gaping copper department ,
or i nsinuated himself into the cleaving compan y o f

the postage stamps My dearest Lady H ardl e y
.
D as e n t cried little M rs Frisby I v e come to

’ ‘ ’
, .
,
tka n k you for telling me your w on de rfu l system !
I v e won s ix t e n pou n ds Fancy sixteen pounds !

’
e ,
AN IN A F L LI BLE SY STEM 28 1
Me ! Quite a little f or tu ne l But do tell me .

, ,
what do y o u do when the square root and the square

have come up a certa i n number of times because I , ,
suppose th e y can t r e al ly go on repeating for

,
’
seventeen million y ears or people would get to hear ,
of it and come and settle at M onte Carlo j ust for ,
the sake of making the money wouldn t they ? ,

’ ’
M y dear Clara snapped her ladyship I m not

‘ ’ ‘ ’
, ,
quite in the mood for talking nonsense I ve .

’
lost nearly francs in the last twenty

minutes I f you re in love with the system y ou re
.
’
,
’
welcome to it Go and elope with it start a

.
,
syndicate with it anything you pl e ase ! I don t

,
’
know what y ou mean about cub e s and cube roots .
This syst e m is simply backing the numb e rs round

about the last that won and as th e y ve been jumping
,
’
—
from one end of th e table to the other 4 33 zero , , ,
28 , 6
3 3 4 3
, 1 —
,
the
,
system and the R ussian pro
fe s s o r and the administration can all follow their
example and go either to the N orth Pole or to the
other place as far as I m concerned ! ’ ’
There is one system which I bel i eve to be

pract i cally infallible but it cannot be followed
,
daily only once in a way I t needs very little

, .
capital —three halfpence will do I t is best to take

-
.
up your stand near someone who is playing high

and who is enjoying a run of luck You choose .
—
your moment and you drop y our purse open w i th —
28 2 R A N D OM R EMI N I SCEN CES
e nough in it to j i ngle or at all events to i nsure its

, , ,
reaching the floor rapidly and resonantly You .
mention your misfortune to an official who im ,
mediately summons assistants with brooms and

squeegees who sweep around your neighbourhood
, ,
and with ordinary luck y ou should g e t s e v e n or

eight louis and possibl y a gold hundred franc piece
,
-
or two coins of p i cturesque as well as commercial

,
interest .
A bout ten y e ars ag o I had some business on hand

in wh i ch I thought M onsieur O rion who was then ,
Chef de S fi re té in Paris could h e lp me I wrote to

, .
tell him I was coming over to see him and I had no ,
sooner set foot on the platform of the G are d u N ord

when a diminutive Frenchman o f abo u t eight and -
twent y with a close cropped beard came up and

,
-
,
accosted me .
M onsieu r Bro o k fi e l d ? J e vien s de la part de

M onsi e ur O r i on
’
.
The Chief S uperinten d ent had described me to one

of his agents who recognised me as easil y as though
,
I had been an old friend H e i ntroduced himself

.
as M onsieur Léon and I saw a good deal of him for

,
a day or two I was amused at the extraordinary

.
ingenuousness of the real French detective M o n .
sieur Léon delighted in talking of his exploits and

i n extolling his own adroitness and acumen .
S upposing you monsieur were i nstructed to keep

, ,
up w ar ds —
to study his movements will he fall or will
he not ? I f h e were to be seized by a vertigo poor ,
devil what a fate ! But the thief on the contrary

, , ,
is looking d ow n w a r d s this way and that furtively , .
The fate of his fellow creature is a matter of in

-
difference to him A ll that interests him is the

.
appearance of his fellow citizens pockets A h ! it is

-
’
.
a true pleasure to pinch scoundrels of that type .

’
O n another occasion when I was in Paris I was ,
sitting outside the Café de la Paix when I wa s ,
accosted in the French tongue by a well dressed -
strang e r at the next table .
I beg your pardon monsieur he said but I am

‘ ’ ‘
, , ,
a stranger in Paris Can you tell me where I can

.
procure good draugh t ale such as we get in the

S outh
I told him I was sorry I could not direct him .
H e then went on to talk with great appar e nt frank

n e ss about himself H e told me that his name was
.
D e Bermont that h e was an owner of vineyards that

, ,
this was his first visit to Paris and presently he ,
went on to suggest that if I chanced to be like

, ,
hims e lf alone and u nattached in that gay city he

, ,
would e steem me infinitely obliging if I would take

him round and show him the sights A t first I was .
rather flattered at his ho mage but as he wen t on i t

,
occurred to me that the tale he was telling me bore

a strong family likeness to one frequently told in the
P
A H O S I TA B E ST R A N GER L 285
vulgar tongue in the neighbourhood of Piccadilly

C ircus by that confidential confraternity known as
the boys I n fact I realized that I was being
‘
.
’
,
‘
taken on by a French l umberer A fter telling
’ ‘
.
’
me all about himself— his income prospects and so , ,
forth —it was not unnatural that he should invite a

similar avowal from me I told him accordingl y .
that I was an electrician that I was emplo y ed ,
by a London firm who paid me 400 francs a ,
month and a commission on all orders I o b tained ;

,
that the syst e m i n which I was interested was the

S yst e me S iemens — pour la sonnerie e t surtout
l é cl airag e ; that I was in Paris partly on business
’ ’
but mainly on pleasure bound having recently , ,
been paid a matter of francs commission on

an order I had obtained ; that I found foreigners
did not even nowadays understand the E nglish
cheque system and therefore I was carrying m y
,
£ in loose sovereigns M onsieur de B m

’
2 00 e r o nt s .
mouth obviously watere d H e gave a gulp M y . .
story seemed too good to be true as indeed it ,
was .
Will you permit me to offer you a bottle of the

wine of Champagne ? he i nquired with a hungry ’
glitter in his eye .
Very willingly I replied A n d he proceeded to

,
’
.
order une bouteille de G H

‘
( The unfo r tunate“
. .
”
foreigner is obliged to confine his designation of

28 6 R A N D O M R EM I N I S CEN CES
G H Mumm to these initials as M U M M is

. .
’
,
obviously a word that none but an E nglishman can

even attemp t t o pronounce ) I was curious to see .
how he would approach the question of cards w hich ,
I knew would presently have to b e posed .
D oes monsieur know the S outh of France ? he

’
presently inquire d .
A little I replied I know M arseille and

‘ ’ ‘
.
,
Toulon and Grasse .

’
Then perhaps monsieur has be e n so far as

M onte Carlo he asked eagerly .
M erely to admire the bay and the situation of the

town I answered
,
’
.
Then monsieur does not care for play ? he as k ed ’
rather anxious ly .
N o t at public tables I said There is no ’

.
,
emotion in playing what is practicall y a machine .
M y mania is for p rivate gambling —between

friends .
’
M onsieur de Bermont positively yelled with

delight .
‘
Then monsieur allow me to fill your glass ! he
, ,
’
exclaimed p ouring out the wine wh ich the wait e r

,
had meantime brought You must do me the .
honour to dine with me to night cke z B re é an t I -

,
’
have one or two fellow countrymen vine grow e rs -

,
-
,
good fe llows like myself who like monsieur enj oy , , ,
a game at cards We will make a party of poker !

.
’
C H A PT E R XV I
i —Th
A me r ca e e xtrao rd n ari y i v —Th
h os pit l i ty
a of th e n at es e
ad t f i gh t—I g l —A v l d i v —A g f l
ve n u re s o a n n ao no e r e ca e u
of m l f t — M
a e ac o rs
y h l th b k d w —eaC mp ti d
re a s o n o n su o n , an
h w t
o it b y
o c u re wh: h ti l l g t it—B d i g h
o ne o as s o or e ra
P l i y—Th Bl k F t Ch pi
e ur s e ac F rl M h
o re s -
o
’
n s
‘
une a arc
My bi t y o ti u ar no ce s.
A F EW years ago i n the b eg i nn i ng o f A ugust I took

a pleasure trip to N e w York staying there four ,
day s and returning in the ship I went out in the

,
—
Si Pau l
. The voyage i s not worth describing as
.
,
most pe0 p 1e nowadays have made it I rose each .
day an hour earlier according to E nglish time to

, ,
see the gorgeous sunris e Th e re were luxurious .
bathrooms and a skilful barber on board O n .
S unday a stout purser read in a perfunctory way , ,
some sort of a service in the saloon and one dismal ,
ev e ning there was the inevitable entertainment ,
which plunged all but the performers into the

depths of low spirits M ost of the passengers .
belonged to the commercial traveller class and their -

,
tastes were accordingly considered in the catering .
But at sea it is possible to eat anyth i ng even rare ,

A M E R I CA N H O S I TA P L I TY 28 9
mutton M y next door neighbour who used to

.
-
,
br e akfast in pyjamas was wont to begi n his day ,
with lobster and greengages the stones of which he ,
would consign to th e butte r dish -

.
I made a d e sperate attempt to discover an E nglish

e quivalent to the A m e ri can word elegant and to ‘ ’
this end I made a not e of the various conj unctions

into which it was plac e d by an eld e rly Yankee who
was evidently partial to the e pithet I found on con .
,
s l t in
u
g my list that he had
, said in the course of one
conv e rsation ( i ) that the A tlantic was an elegant
.
ocean ; ’
that a pair of boots he had on ( fo r
which h e told me he had given six dollars read y
, ,
mad e ) was an el e gant pair of boots ; and ( iii ) that

‘ ’
.
N ewman s hymn L e ad kindly Light was an

’ ’
, , ,
‘
elegant hymn S o that I could arrive at no con
.
’
c l u s io n .
is very unjust to j udge of a nation by its com

It
m e rc ial trav e ll e rs who are apt p e rhaps to reserve
, , ,
their best manners and charms for business hours .
When I arriv e d in N e w York I was ov e rwhelmed ,
by th e kindn e ss and cordiality of e veryone I met ;

and I mentally blushed as I contrast e d it with th e
v e ry mild You must com e and lunch some day sort
‘ - - - - - -
of hospitality which we are a p t to e xtend to our

visitors when th e y com e this side I was made a .
te mporary member of three clubs and it was onl y ,
by a certain amount of scheming that I contrived

I 9
290 R A ND O M R EM I N I SCENC ES
to have one meal at my own expense during my

visit .
B ut talking of hospitality I did on one occasion

, ,
during my four nights stay have it forc e d upon me ’
in a way that some might not have relished .
A mongst my l e tt e rs of introduction I had o n e to

Mr . Bob Pink e rton a partn e r in the famous
‘ ’
detective ag e ncy who was extrem e ly p olit e wh e n

,
I call e d and d e tail e d o n e of his m e n to show m e

,
around that ev e ning A tall w e ll dre ssed ex

’
.
,
-
,
t re m e l y agreeable man call e d for m e at my hot e l
soon after dinner a M r O D o n o g h u e H e took , .

’
me a most e nt e rtaining round We visit e d the .
Chinese quarte r which though not to compare with

, ,
th e China To wn in S an Francisco is neverthel e ss ,
very int e re sting M ost of th e littl e men app e ared

.
to be ma rried to I rish wives O n e of these told me .
s h e would rath e r have for a husband a Chinaman
who would work than an I rishman who wouldn t ’

.
I did not discuss this nice point with her We .
visit e d a joss house and a Chinese th e atre where

-
,
we saw a portion of a native melodrama played in

front of th e orchestra which was on the stage ,
.
Th e n we went to a music hall wh e re all the audienc e -

,
w e re J e ws and to another wh e re th e y w e re all men

,
‘
of colour Th e n w e call e d on S t e ve Brodi e

.
’
which initials do not signify that S teve is a member

of a religious community but that he onc e jump e d ,
detective again enjoined in an excit e d whisp e r .
‘
H adn t we better simply pay the ten cents
’
? I
’
suggested p usillanimously N o no no ! said he ; .

‘
, ,
’
‘
don t you say a word
’
Presently we were .
’
e scorted by the constabl e to Thirty third S treet -
Police station and brought b e fore the inspector on

-
duty . This I thought is th e psychological

‘
,
’
,
‘
moment M y friend will now throw back his coat

. ,
exhibit some badge and exclaim I am O D o n o g h u e , ,

’
the detective and they will all be covered with

,
”
confusion .
’
What s the charge asked the inspector

?
’ ’
.
Two men wouldn t pay for their drinks replied ’
,
’
th e policeman The point at iss ue sounded appal

.
l in g l y squalid I was about to interrupt for I had

.
,
neither ordered consumed nor re fused to pay for , ,
a drink A n d I was per fectly ready and willing

.
to pay ten cents or a hundred cents to get com , ,
fo rtabl y home to my clean hotel But O D o n o g h u e ’

.
saw I was abo ut to speak and he check e d me ,
by a vigorous shake of the head j ust th e n it .
occurred to me to fe e l in the pock e t at th e back

of my tro us e rs ( what is call e d an A m e rican o r ‘ ’
‘
pistol pocket ) to see whether my purse was safe
’
.
I mm e diat e ly both my wrists wer e s e ized and held ,
over my head I s he armed ? inquired the in

.
‘ ’
spector They s e arched my p ock e ts

. Yes they .
‘
,
’
replied A n d th e y confiscated a largish pocket knife

.
-
A L O D GI N G FO R T H E N I G H T 293
that I carried What s your name asked the .

‘ ’
inspector Charles Bailey j ournalist B ritish

.
‘
, ,
subject I replied A rthur E dwards merchant

’
.
‘
, ,
S t Lou i s said O D o n o g h u e A n d a middle si ed

’
.
, .
-
z
elderly man in a straw hat called the janitor led ,

‘
,
’
us from the inspector s office S till no revelation of ’

.
identity no d is co mfi tu re of the enemy no fun !

, ,
What could be the reason A n d the truth suddenly

?
hurled itself upon me : although his sp e ech was

clear and his step firm my hospitable guide had ,
temporarily paralyzed his powers of judgment by too

many cocktails H e was what is called in th e .
A m e rican language full We were taken down a ‘ ’

.
whitewashed passage lighted by occasional flaring ,
gas j ets in wire globes O n one side was a row of

-
.
c e lls and to e ach cell a door of iron cross bars

,
-
.
When we reached a vacant apartment my faithful ,
janito r gave an adroit hitch to my collar which flung

m e in and he slammed the iron gat e with a clank
, .
H e proc e e d e d by similar means to lodge my d e te c

tive friend in th e next compartment My room was .
about eight feet by five half of it taken up by a ,
plank bed The smell of carbolic was unpleasant

.
but re assuring — —
Have e r have I got to fl op .
here I asked the gaoler rather feebly

? ’
What , .
‘
d y o u think you w e re brought here fur ? he retorted

’ ’
grimly and passed on Presently I heard the voic e

, .
of O D o n o g h u e
’
M r Bailey he exclaimed dis .
‘
.
,
’
,
addressing me by my n om de cackot I can t

c re e tl y ,
’
say how sorry I am for this The fact is I got a .

,
bit full and when that darned waiter asked me ten

,
cents for a fi v e cent drink I got ugly But don t

-
.
’
you know anyone in N e w York you could send to ?

They re bound to ring you up a messenger here if
’
you ask for one There were several people in .

’
N e w York to whom I c ould hav e sent had I felt so

incli ned A lso I had a letter of introduction in my
.
pocket to C olonel O Brie n the Chief of the Police ’
, .
But I fe lt it possible although by no mean s ce rtain , ,
that I might never again have a chance of sle e ping

on a plank bed in a prison cell and that it was an ,
opportunity not to be m issed S o I took off my .
coat and rolled it up and put it under my head and ,
lay down B e fore going to sleep however I

.
, ,
sounded two blasts on a silver cab whistle which I -
chanced to have in my pocket The old janitor .
appeare d What d yo n want he asked surlily

.
? ’ ’
.
H ow long have you lived in N e w York ? I in ’
qu i red D on t you know that two rings means iced

.
’
water ( a fact I had only learned two days before) .
This mild witticism amused the old custodian

out of all proportion to its merits H e explained .
in a matter o f fact way that they did not provide

- -
iced water in Thirty third S treet Police station but - -

,
he was so kind as to hand me a tin mug through my

bars which I was able to fill at a tap by the head of
,
Odd Fellows start on their drive M y n e xt door .

-
neighbour a cab driver in a tall silk hat and light

,
-
,
suit recognised his little anxious faced wife in the

, ,
-
group S h e had evidently missed him at home and

. ,
knew where she was likely to find him H e waved .
his hand to her cheerily and exclaimed A l l right ,

‘
,
S adie D runk and disorderly I A n d he turn e d to

’
m e as we bowled off and continued A n d I s ppose , ,

‘
u ,
sir that s the case with you

,
’
? I handed round my
’
cigarette case which was fortunately a large one

-
, ,
and we all lit up including the girls th e old woman

, , ,
and a hideous looking negro We chatted and-

.
laughed I advised the young ladies to come over

.
to our side where I assured them that under a

, ,
constitutional monarchy they would find far more ,
individual liberty than under a republic But in .
the middle of my address upon freedom we had

arrived at the nail studded doors of our prison and -
,
— —
we were all the men at least thrown into a h u ge ,
cage where there was already a crowd of male

,
factors ass e mbled and where fresh batches arrived ,
at intervals from various parts of the city This .
was a most noisome den I sighed w earily for .
the fumes of carbolic which had offe nde d me in my

cell for they were certainly preferable to all the
,
‘
perfumes of S treet A raby which assailed me now ’

.
M y cigarettes however were some comfort and I

, , ,
distribut e d th e m amongst my lot 0 nice new ‘ ’

V EN D ETTA 297
fr i ends There were toughs broken nosed men

.
’ ‘
,
’
-
for the most part with an air of fi e rc e n e s s temp ered

, ,
by intemperance with ragged coats over red flannel ,
shirts and broad brimmed sombrero hats These - .
des p eradoes whose appearance suggested nothing

,
short of holding u p trains or shooting S heriffs were ,
all of them as a matter of fact harml e ss drunkards

, ,
who had be e n mildly disord e rly and were suffe ring ,
terribly from headach e A s a contrast a young .

,
I talian was ushered in called Pietro Barcia who , ,
had only a fe w hours pre viously comm itt e d a

murder H e was a lad of eighteen with a p e rfectly
.
,
expressionless face an d e xh ibite d no emotion what ,
ever When I gave him a cigarette and asked him

.
,
what had brought him there h e replied quite ,
blandly I av a j usta shoot a man and spat

,
‘ ’
-
,
’
through his teeth S e veral of the toughs gath e red .
round and pressed for details D id he draw on .
D id you é him That would be way

’
y o u z ZZ ‘
down Canal S tre e t I guess etc The young , ,

’
assassin told his st o ry with p e rfect sang froid with a -
strong I talian accent and many superfluous final

syllables Was a what a w e call a vendetta E
.
‘
- - -
.
’
kill a my father two year ago I not old a e no u gh

-
.
-
then I wait a A n d just a now I put a one ball

.
-
.
- -
in his a should e r and an o ther in his a thigh O h

-
,
-
.
y e s is a dead
-
all right I t was r e fr e shing to b e at .
’
last at about elev e n o clock ush e red into court and

,
’
, ,
298 R A N D OM R EM I N I SCEN CES
to see somebody cl e an We all stood in a long row

.
in front of th e magistrate our accusers and th e ir ,
witnesses bei n g opposite facing us and as each case

, ,
was disposed of those concerned in th e next edged

,
up nearer the beak N ext before m e was the

‘
.
’
morose old lady whose acquaintanc e I had made in

the pleasure penitentiary waggon S h e knew how
-
.
often she had be e n charged before and aft e r , ,
fumbling for a moment in her purse extracted and ,
held ready the precise amount of her fine which she ,
planked into the clerk s hand al m o s t be fo re the

°
’
amount had been m e ntioned by his Worship Wh e n .
our turn came the case was disposed of in two

,
minutes M y friend reiterat e d his economic p re j u

.
dice aga i nst paying ten c e nts for drinks of half that
value The magistrate inquired in an indifferent
.
,
tone not as though he really care d whether we had

, ,
be e n locked up all night and on hearing that we ,
had he laconically exclaimed D ischarged ! and we

,
’
were set at liberty O D o n o g h u e solemnly vowed

.
’
vengeance on the restaurateur and I have little ,
doubt he has by this time wreaked it When I .
reached my hotel dirty and dishevelled the clerk

, ,
gave me a very sly look as he handed me my key .
I endeavoured to look correspondingly raffi s h but I ,
am afraid it was a poor attempt .
I t was in the winter following my trip to A merica

that I fe lt so weak an d ill that I submitted my
H owever I went through the conventional old

,
—
fashioned tre atm e nt that is to say I went to ,
Bordighera and spent most of my time indoors

, ,
with the windows shut and a big fi re in the stove .
M y first sp e ll th e r e seem e d to do m e good but my ,
second visit ( I had gone back to E ngland for the

summer and spent my holiday in bed with pleurisy )
,
nearly kill e d m e I had taken a house built in the

.
—
old I talian fashion that is to say w ith very small ,
windows and so disposed as to receive a minimum

,
of sun The floors of the rooms w e re tiled with

.
red the ceilings were groined and t h e walls w e r e

, ,
so thick ( about 2 fe et ) that in case of earthquak e ,
a not uncommon ph e nom e non in those parts they ,
would eith e r succ e ssfully resist the shocks or if the ,
worst cam e to the worst crush the inhabitan ts into ,
powder with merciful thoroughn e ss

, .
I n Bordighera I was I believe the village infant

, , .
I was forty one and my youngest playmate was

-
,
about tw e lve or fifteen years older The inhabitants .
of the R iviera conspir e to persuade folk at home

that out th e re ther e is no winter and visitors fall in ,
with the plot in order to console themselves for

having been dec e ived A s a matter of fact during
.
,
my two visits there the weather was in every,
re s p e ct as loathsome as in my happy native land .
When I was p ermitted between mistrals and ,
siroccos and fr o mou z an e to take th e air I used to

‘
, ,
NO R D R A CH 301
m e e t old gentl e m e n with shawls over their shoulders

and carrying coloured cotton umbrellas .
H ow do you do M r Bro o kfi e l d one of them

, .
,
’
would cry across the M arina I hear you ve had a ’
n e w sound in your lung t h e last day or two No w .

,
would that be a r il o or a friction

e
A ft e r g e tting worse and worse at Bordighera and ,
light e r and lighter in weight I was sudd e nly told by ,
Fowl e r that h e had arranged for me to be taken in ,
in a couple of months time at D r Walther s ’
, .
’
sanatorium at N o rd rach in the Black Fore st My ,

.
wife and I trav e lled ther e by easy stages staying a ,
fe w we e ks at B agni di Lucca (a perfe ctly delightful

spot beloved by S helley and Goethe very pic
, ,
t u re s q e u and absurdly cheap ; the R oman baths

,
are most efficacious and it is the only country in

,
I taly which produces edible mutton ) and a few

weeks at Badenweil e r .
D r Walther is far and away the most successful

.
lung specialist there is but th e treatm e nt is a drastic

,
one The walls of the bedrooms are of varnish e d

.
wood th e floors covered with oilcloth the windows

, ,
—
invariably op e n generally with th e casement re
moved al together There is v e ry little furniture in
.
e ach room beyond an extr e mely comfortabl e bed a

, ,
o/z a z s e l ou u o a table and a shower bath Th e re

’
g
-
.
, ,
are no assistants or nurses T h e doctor att e nds .
personally to his fifty patients and visits each one ,

302 R A N D O M R E M I N I SCEN C ES
three times a day e xamines his temperature chart

, ,
and regulates his exercise The meals are the .
trying part of the treatment although everything is ,
the b e st of its kind and admirably cook e d They .
are taken in an open shed at a long table presided ,
over by the doctor with the G e rman patients on

,
his right and the British s uffe rers on his left E ach
, .
has to e at about thre e times as much as his app e tite

—at all events if he be E nglish — demands
,
Br e ak .
—
fast is a comparatively easy meal a litre of milk ,
three or four ounces of butt e r on white or black

bread and a few slices of cold meat But the most
, .
trying ordeal is th e mid day meal ; half a chick e n -
( g
l e ,
wing and br
, e ast
) fi ve slices of be,e f with ,
vegetables and a full plate of pudding would be an

, ,
ordinary dinner accompanied by a litre of milk

,
.
A n d for supper ( at s e ven o clock ) hot pork and

’
three or four pancakes or perhaps hot veal and a

,
plat e of minced raw b e ef tog e ther with another ,
three or four ounc e s of butt e r and the regulation

litre of milk A fter supper we used to sit about
.
and smoke till nin e when w e w e nt to b e d I n all

,
.
w e ath e rs ( and it rained incessantly for th e first

fortnight I was th e re) t h e patients troop out after
br e akfast and aft e r dinn e r bareh e ad e d and great ,
c o atless in parties of two or thre e and walk th e

, ,
distance allotted by the doctor at a pace not to

exce e d two miles an hour A ll have to be back an .
to disob e dienc e of orders ) the only intimation of the ,
fact that reaches the patients is th e appearance of

the varnisher on his way to give a fresh coat to the
,
chamber of death in order to conv e rt it into a ,

‘
chamber of convalescence for th e n e xt arrival .
O n e ev e ning as we w e re sitting ov e r our supper

, ,
an old man ap p e are d outside our shed with long ,
white hair which fe ll in h e avy curls upon his

,
shoulders and a wild whit e b e ard H e told t h e

,
.
d o ctor that h e was a pianist a p upil of th e A bbé ,
Liszt and that he was destitut e H e was giv e n a

,
.
h e arty meal and we were allow e d to sit up till te n

,
to hear him play ( There was an e xc e llent p iano .
at the end of the shed ) H e was a fine performer . ,
and went through an excell e nt p rogramm e B t I . u
shall never forget the effect of this whit e haired old -
wanderer sitting erect at the piano his head thrown ,
back surrounded by twenty or thirty eager eyed

,
-
patients in various stages of consumption listening

, ,
with rapt attention to the solemn s trains of Chopin s ’
‘
Funeral March .
’
Thanks to D r Walther and his tre atment I put.

,
on nearly 2 stone weight in a littl e ov e r two

months I was 1 0 stone 4 b e fore I w e nt and
.
,
12 ston e 2 when I left A n d I am over 1 2 .
ston e to day three years later which s e ems to m e

-
, ,
to speak well for the N ordrach system .
I do not thin k I can bring thes e random re m in is

AN A PP R ECI A T I ON 305
c e nces more appropriately to a close than by quoting

from two obituary notices of myself which appeared
in the press while I was laid up at Cowes with
pleurisy (when by the way I was honoured by
, ,
most gracious and kindly inquiries from a royal

patient who was at that time laid up on board his
yacht with an inj ured knee ) Both the newspapers .
in question spoke of me far more kindly than I had

an y right to expect and one finished up by saying
,
N ever a great actor he was invaluable in small ,
parts ; while th e other remarked in conclusion

’
But a fter all it is at his club that he w i ll be most

, ,
missed .
’
T H E END
B I LL IN G A ND S ON S , LT D . , P RI TER G UI LD FO D
N S, R
S ep te mbe r , 1 9 0 2.
M r Ed w ard A rn o l d s
’
.
New an PO u ar Bo o k s .
T e l e g ram s 37 B e dfo rd St re e t,
Sc h o l arl y L , ondo n.
’
Stran d, Lo n d o n .
R EC O L L E C T I O N S O F A
D I PL O M AT I ST .
B y th e R ig ht H SI R H O R A C E R U M B O L D B
on .
,
A RT .
,
ORM ER LY RI T I H M A A DO R A T IENNA
F B S A B SS V .
Tw o Vol u me s . D e wy 8 270 . 2
55 . uel f .
f
A te r n arrat ng i so m e i n te re s t ng e i pi so d e s o f h is y o u th in P i ar s, th e
au th o r c arr e s o n i h is R e c o l l e c t i o ns f ro m th e y 849 wh
e ar 1 h , en e e n te re d
the D ipl i S v i d w t 8 73 D
o mat c er ce , o pi d
n o 1 . ur n i g th i p i d h
s er o e occu e
p t t T i F k f t St ttg t V i
os s a ur n , ran A th B
or St P t
, u ar , e n n a, e n s, e rn e , . e e rs
b g d C t ti p l
ur , an d i
o n s an 8 59 h mp i d th B i ti h
no e , an n 1 e acc o an e e r s
Mi i ss o n t Ch i
o H h d i v ll d pp t i ti f t d y i g th
n a. e a u nr a e O or un es o s u n e
d i ff t ph
e re n f S i ty i
as e s ly v y
o t y
oc e f E p d n n e ar e er c ou n r o u ro e , an
al th ou
g h t h b k e i l y t h b t l i g h tl y p l i ti it t i
oo n e c e s sar ouc es u on o c s, c o n a ns
i f b i ll i t d t t i i g m i i
a se r e s o r an an f th C t
en er a n n d re n sc e n c e s o e o ur s an
h i g h S i ty f th C
oc e ti o t Si H e R mb ld h
on m y g d
ne n . r o race u o as an a oo
t y t
s or t ll
o d it i b l i v d th t
e ,
an l g m s ef p p l i ty m y
e e a a ar e e asu re o o u ar a
re as o n abl y b p d i t d f h i w k
e re c e or s or .
LO N D O N :ED WA R D A R N O L D , 37, BE D F O RD S T R E ET , S T R A N D .
T H E H OU SE O F SELEU C U S .
V
B y E D WYN R O B ER T B E A N .
A U TH OR O F TH E E C E NTLY U L I H ED RAN L AT ION O F

R P B S T S
‘
PR O M E T II E US V I N CT U S .
’
Tw o Vo l u mes D e my 8 710 l
Por tr aits M ap s
'
. . I Vz t/ z
/ and .
gos . ue fi .
i b k t t f ph
Th s oo f Gre a s o k i v i l i tia f i mm as e imp
o re e c za on o e n se or
t d y t i g l ly
an c e , an g l t
e d —
s n t h G
u ar M d i
ne lec ei t h e re c o - ac e o n an ru e n e
E t ft A l x d
as a er th G t e I t d l w i t h th d y
an er e ty w h i h p l y d
re a . ea s e n as c a e
th p i
e ip l p t i th G k E t— th t f d d b y th M d i
r nc a ar n e re e as a o un e e ac e o n an
S l e e u cu sTh i . m d b k v i G m whi h m k
e re s no o e rn oo , e en n er an , c a es a
s p i l t d y f th h i t y f th S l i d k i g d m
ec a s u o e s or o e e e uc n o .
Th p i d i f v it l q i m y w y ( ) g A d l i
’
e er o s o a c o n se t u e nce n an a s : 1 re a ea n
th R m
e i m p i l y t m w t k v f m th G k m
o an er a s s e as hi a en o er ro e re e o n arc e s,
an d i th m m y f th
n e l m t an f th g o t E p t d i ti t k
e e e en s o e re a u ro e an ra on oo
s h pa
( )e T
. h pi d2 f A t i he e E i
p p h
so d e tho J w w
n h i h oc us an e s an e e s, c
m k ar s p h i th h i t y f
an e oc n l igi b l g t S l id
e s or o o u r re o n, e on s o e e uc
hi t y
s or l ( 3) T
a so h G . k i v i l i t i w h i
e h t h re e l p c za o n, c e se ru e rs re re
t d w
se n e i d ti l i g m w i th
,
as en ca w d th E g l i h w h t d y
n er o ur o n , an e n s o o -
a
are th hi f ep c t ti ve f th t i v i l i ti
re re se n a i it t es t w i th th
o a c za on n s c o n ac e
E t m y l
as k p th S l i d k i g t h i f
a oo u on e e e uc n s as e r o re ru n n e rs .
Thi b k i f t s oov l , n li ac h pt ,
f th t p
re ea s wh i h
an e ar er c a er o a ro c e ss c
w e arew t h i g i th a c E p n q t f th E t t d y
n e u ro e an c o n ue s o e as o a .
It t i b i d tw f l l p g p t i t f A ti h I I I p
c o n a n s, es es o u -
a e o r ra s o n oc us .
, re ro
d tiuc f th v y
ons o m pl t ei f i i d d th S l i d
er co e e se r e s o co ns ss u e un er e e e uc
dy ty
n as .
T H E EN E M I ES O F EN G LAN D .
B y th e H o n . G EO R G E P EE L .
D e my 6d uefl
‘
1 2s . . .
Th i i i q i y i t th
s s an f th h t d
n u r w d f m y n o e cau se s o e a re no an or an
t i f l t f E gl d b y th p p l f E p T h
c e n ur e s e or n th an e eo es o u ro e . e au or
e x m i i t th
a ne s t x pl
n ti u rn d fi d th t e i th c u rre n e an a o n s , an n s a ne e r rac e ,
re l igi m
o n, t d vy m li
an n e rs , ti f t i l y ra t f e, it en , nor a ce sa s ac o r ac c o u n s or .
Th t e h fi d i t h f t th t d i g th l t i g h t
ru e c au s e e n t si n e ac a ur n e as e c e n ur e s
e ac h P w th t h o i i t t w d th d mi ti f E p
er a as r s e n n u rn o ar s e o na on o u ro e
h as t d th
e nc o u n e re t pp i ti f E gl d eI f
s re n u o u s O os on o n an . n c o u rs e o
ti m e i m i ti b d f m th b k m biti
an os e s, f re h h v l wl y ro e ro en a ons o e ac , a e s o
ac c u m l t d g i tu a e M w hil w h v pl t d
a a ns E m pi
us v. e an e, e a e an e an re o er
s e as , th f t f wh i h ll P w
e l ik
u u re o g d w i th pp h i
c a o e rs a e re ar a re e ns o n .
T H E FO R EST S O F U PPER I N D I A
A N D T H E I R I N H A B IT A N T S .
B y T H O M A S w W EB BER .
,
L ATE O RE T UR EORYORE TF ORIN THTHEE ORENTHT RAWL E TRO ROIN C EIN CAN
F S S V
F S S
E D O RA EHPP U TY
N
C UR O N-
ER A TO R
P
S P
V
V
S
S, A N D
G
D
K .
C S V or
D e my 8 00 . I/Vitl t M ap s . 1 2 5. 6a
’
. n e tt.
Th e re c an b e fe w m e n w h o h a e a e tte r c l a m th an M r v b
e e r to i . W bb
i
e n l g h te n th e u l c o n th ep bi as c n at n g su f i i
e c t o f I n d an j u n g l e s an d bj i
F o re st s v
T h e au th o r h as tra e l l e d far an d w d e o e r th e re g o n s h e
. i v i
ib i
d e sc r e s, an d e n te rta n s h is re ad e rs w th a g re at d e al o f o re s t l o re i f -
b i v b
a o u t th e tre e s w h c h h a e e e n h is c h e c are T h e an m al d e n z e n s if . i i
f
o f th e i bi
o re s t, th e r h a ts , an d th e m e th o d s o f h u nt n g th e m , al so p ro i
vi yi
d e m an i p
n te re s t n g c h a te rs, w h l e s e c al atte n t o n m a
y b e d ra w n i p i i
to M r W bb e .
’
e r s ac c o u n t o f h is o u rn e s in th e s t l l al m o st u n k n o w n j y i
i ib
re g o n o f T v et Th e o l u me co n c l u d e s w th a al u a l e A
. e nd on i v b pp ix
F tM g m t
o re s an a e en .
W I T H M A C D ONA LD IN U G AN DA
By j
M a o r H ER BER T H . A UST I N , R E . .
,
F E LLO O F TH E OYA L EOG RA PH I CA L OC I ETY

W R G S .
D e my 8 00 . Wi th n u me rou s I l l us tr a tions a na a
’
M ap . 1 5s . n e tt.
p i i y q p i
T h e c o m l e t o n o f th e U g an d a R a l w a an d th e c o n se u e n t o e n n g
y ivi i i
u p o f th e c o u n tr t o c v f i
l z at o n h a e l e n t re sh n te re st to th at m o re
i iy f i i p i
th an o rd n ar l asc n at n g k
o rt o n o f th e D ar iCo n t n e n t I t is .
p b by f y i
ro a l n ot ul l x i
re al se d t o w h at an e te n t, n o t th s re su l t al o n e , bu t
th e v y xi
er e st e n c e o f U g an d a as a p ii pi
art o f th e B r t sh E m re , d u e
i b
to th e l ttl e i
an d o f w h te f
m e n w h o , in th e ac e o f g re at n atu ral
i i i i p b i
d ffi c u l t e s, an d in th e m d st o f a w d e s re ad an d d ang e ro u s re e l l o n ,
pi
ac c o m l s h e d th e w o rk i i v
o f w h c h th s o l u m e is a re co rd .
H w th o xpl t y xp d i ti
e e t
o ra o rt i J 8 97
e ed th on se n ou n u ne , 1 , un er e
co mm d f M j an ( ow C l l ) J
a or R L M d
no l d R E w
o one . . . ac o na , . .
,
as ,
i m m d i t l y ft it
e a e iv la f t d w i th g v i t ti i
er s arr a , c o n ro n e a ra e S ua on n
Ug d i p b bly w ll k w
an a s ro b t
a m y e i mp i
no n, u so an e rro n e o u s re ss o n s
e x i t t th t l tb k f h ti l i ti w i th th m ti
s as o e ac u a ou re af th o os es e u n e e rs o e
S d u an e se t th t it i h p d th t th
e sc o r a t giv si th i v l m
o e a e ac c o u n en n s o u e
o f wh t l l y t k pl
a re a w i tt oo d w by wh w
ac e , as th pt r en o n one o as o n e s o
a t th ti m e m y t d t e ,
m v th m
a en o re o e e .
[ Fe or u a ry , 1 93 0 .
EC ONO M I C SU G G EST I ON S ON T H E
BR I T I SH E M PI R E .
By SI R V I N C ENT H P CA I LL AR D . .
,
F O MER LY RE I D EN T O F TH E O UN C I L OF TH E E TT E U L I UE ON TANT INO LE

R P S C D P B Q ,
’
C S P .
D e my 8 710 . 1 4 s. n e tt.
p p iy i i i
T h e g re at ro s e r t w h c h h as atte n d e d th e U n te d K ng d o m , o r, at
an y rate , th at p i i i
art o f it c all e d G re at B r ta n , d u r n g t h e g re ate r p art o f
f i y
th e l ast h al o f th e n n e te e n th c e n tu r h as l e d to a g e n e ral b if el e t h at
th e e c o n o m c i p i ip
r nc p i
l e s u o n w h c h o u r trad e p iy ol c b bh as e e n ase d
i p i b y i b
d u r ng th at e r o d e m o d an m m u ta l e tru th , an y tran sg re ss o n o f i
i f
w h c h m u st b e o ll o w e d by f i ii
a atal c o n trac t o n o f th e trad e o f th e B r t sh
pi
E m re an d o f th e w e al th d e r e d ro m it iv f N o acc o u n t is tak e n o f
.
ii i i
o th e r c o n d t o n s, o f w h c h s o m e e s se n t al to th e s ucce ss o f a p iy ol c of
F i
re e T rad e , an d o th e rs w o rk n g c o n c u rre n tl y i ib i
w th it an d c o n tr u t n g
y
larg e l to o u r c o mm e rc al i p p iy v ro s e r t , h a e n o w d sai pp e are dpi i A s rt .
pi i b
o f o t m sm ase d o n th at p p iy
ro s e r t i f
h as l a d ast h o l d o f u s, an d n o w
l e ad s u s to su pp v
o s e th at, w h ate e r h a pp f y
e n s , g o o d o rtu n e m ust al w a s
atte n d u s p viro p p iy F
d e d w e ad h e re to o u r re se n t o l c o f re e T rad e .
In ‘
i i
Ec o n o m c Su gg e st o n s o n th e B r t sh Em re ii pi p
an atte m t is
’
i pi i pi i
m ad e to sh o w th at th s S r t o f o t m sm is il l o u n d e d , an d , f if -
b i
o s t n ate l y ad h e re d to , w l li p b bybi b
ro a l v y if
r n g a o u t re su l ts e r d fe re n t
f i
ro m th o s e w h c h are e xp e c te d i i y
Th e e co n o m c h sto r o f o u r c h e
. if
i v p i ip y i
trad e r al s, r n c al l th e U n te d State s an d G e rman , is su m m ar l y iy
trac e d , an d it is s h o w n h o w , b y pi p i ip
k e e n g c l e ar o f th e r nc i le s w h ch
g ui d e u s , th e y v
h a e o f l a te y i e a rs n c re as e dp p iy
in ro s e r t mpi y
o re ra d l
p i i
th an w e , an d are n o w c o m e t ng w th u s at an u n a r ad an tag e fi v An .
v
e n d e a o u r is f
u rth e r m ad e to Sh o w th at, al th o u g h th e g e n e ral trad e
ii v
c o n d t o n s o f th e w o rl d h a e so al te re d th at w e c an n o t, by i a s tr c t
i
ad h e s o n to o u r p
re se n t p i ip
r nc p i i p p iy
l e s, h o e to m a n ta n o u r ro s e r t , y e t
th at , by ki v
ta n g ad an tag e o f th e g re at p ibi i i
o ss f i i
l t e s to be o u n d w th n
fi ii pi y i i
th e c o n n e s o f th e B r t sh Em re , w e m ay n o t o n l m a n ta n it b u t
i i
n c re ase it, w h l e l arg e l y i
s tre n g th e n n g th e b p i i y by
o n d s o f I m e r al u n t
th e p i i
ro m o t o n o f m u tu al n te re s ts .
A C RO SS I C ELAN D .
B y W I L LI A M B I SI K E R ,
D e my 8 00 . Wit/z n e ar ly fif y
t I l l u s tra tion s a nd M aps . 1zs . 6a
’
.
i
T h s is th e re co rd of an e xt re me l y i n te re s t n gi j o u rn e y acro ss th e
I sl an d , trave rs i n g so me p arts h i th e rto u n e x pl o re d .
O DD S AN D EN D S .
By F R A N C I S P I GO U D D D f B i t , . .
, e an o r s ol ,
U TH OR O F H A E O F M I F E
A ‘
P S S Y L .
’
D e my 8 710 . 1 4s . ne tt.
i v
T h s is a n e w o l u m e o f re m n s c e n ce s i i
th e D e an o f B r sto l , w h o s e by i
i b
e arl e r P
o o k,
‘
h ase s o f M y e,
’
is n o w in its s th e d t o n L if The ix ii .
v
c o n te n t s ran g e o e r a w d e ar e t o f su i
e c ts, ro m
‘
v i y
Cath e d ral e
’
bj f L if
to
‘
P p
Od d e o l e I h a e M e t,
’
ro m
‘
v
S u n d a Sc h o o l s to C l u
’
f e in y b L if
f vi
Lo n d o n , an d ro m R e e w s an d R e e w e rs to T h e R e l at o n o f
’ ‘ ’ ‘
vi i
i i
D se ase to C r m e
’
.
[ 5710e
T H E EX PLO RAT I ON O F T H E
C AU C A SU S .
B y D O U G LA S W FR ESH FI ELD
ATE LY RE I DE N T O F TH E L P INE L U ,
.
L P S A C B.
Wit/z M aps an d I l l u s tr a tion s in t/ze te x t . N ew and on p

ea er E d ition .
Tw o v ol u me s Post 4 to . . 2 1 s. ne tt.
Th i s e ii i p
d t o n c o n ta n s th e M a s an d T e t I l l ustrat o n s o f th e o r g x i ii nal
e ii
d t o n, p
bu t th e h o to g ra u re v p
l ate s are c o n n e d t o ro n t s e c e s fi f i pi . A
fe w co pi e s o f th e o r
g n al e d t o n iiare s t l l l e t r c e 3ii
3 5 n e t i f . Pi . .
W OO D .
21 M anual of th e n atural fiate tonz anb 3nb ue trial ap p l ica ions of t

th e ( timb e rs of Comme rce .
By G L G ER S BOU A SI
R OFE O O F OTAN YFORMER
AN D LEYCTINURTHE RE ON O YAORL E TGRRIYC INU LTTHURAE L I TYO LL EGE O N D O N O LLEG E AN D
. . . . .
,
P SS R B L F S C or L C ,
R A C .
Cr ow n Soo .
7s . 6d . n e tt.
S IA M IN T H E T W EN T IET H C EN T U R Y .
By J G D CA M P BEL L . . . .
ONE OE H IS M J A E TY N P E CTTHORE IAM ECHEOO LO ERNM REENCTEN TLY U CA T IONA L D I E R

S
’
S I S S or
S
S
S G
S, A N D
V .
ED A V S To
D e my IVit/z
/
1 6 f u ll p ag e I l l u str ations
-
ana a
’
M ap . 1 6s .
S EVEN R O MA N S T A T ES M EN .
By C . w . O MA N .
D E P U TY H EH I CH EL EO FPWRO FE INORTHO FE MII DTORL EY INGETH E NI IERTORI TYY OOFF NGLF ORANDD EUTCTH OR O F
C
A RT AR
SS H S
D A S,
’ ‘
U
A H
V
S
S OX
E
.
’
A
.
,
Crow n 8 00 . I/Vitfi Por tr a its . 6s .

A RNO LD S C ITY S ERIES O F C O MMERC E
’
A N D FINA NC E .
ED ITED BY F . H A R C OU RT K I T C H I N .
Crow n 8 00 .
5s . ou e l i ,
n e tt .
M r E D W A R D A R N OLD h as
. i th t h h m d pl e asu re in an n o u n c n g a e as a e
arrang m t f t
e h i f
en s S i for H d b ke C m m i
s su el o a er es o an oo s on o e rc a
and Fi i l S bj t w h i h it i h p d w i l l m t th p
n an c a u e c s, t c s o e ee e re se n
i d fi i yi p p l
se r o u s e d th
c e nc i t t i v b k th i m p t t
n o u ar an au or a e oo s on e se o r an
m tta Th
e rs . i w i l l b d th d i t h ip f M F H
e se r e s e un er e e o rs o r. . A R CO U R T
K w ll k
I T CH I N , a w xp t l if ie -
no d ki d dn ebj t er on e n su ran c e an n re su ec s .
Th f ll w i g v l m
e o i p p
o ti
n d o u i t d d t pp
e s are n re ara o n , an are n en e o a e ar
h tl y
s or
T H E S T O C K EX C H A N GE : Its O r g an is atio n an d
M an ag e m e n t .
B y G D I N G A LL, M e m e r o f th e
. . b L o nd on k Ex h g
Sto c c an e .
M r I n g al l h as h ad a W id e e e rie n ce o f o re i xp f g n as we ll f B i i h p
as o r t s rac tice .
pp x l g k Ex h g
.
T h e re is an A e nd i on th e R u e s an d U sa e s o f th e S to c c an e.
B RIT ISH RA ILWA YS : T h e ir Org an is atio n an d

M an ag e m e n t .
B y H U G H M O N R O R O SS, B A , l ate E h . . x ibi ti one r of L i n co l n
Co l l e g e , O o rd xf .
LIFE A S SU R A N C E C O M PA N IES T h e ir O rg an is a f
tio n an d M an ag e m e n t .
By F . H A R C OU R T K I T C H I N, B A , l ate Sc h o l ar . . of Se l w y n
Co l l e g e , Cam r d g e bi .
S H IPP IN G C O MPA N IES : T h e ir O rg an is atio n an d

ag e m e n t .
B y B EN E D I CT G I N SB U R G , LL D , o n e o f th e C o u n se l . . of th e
i
M ar n e D e artm e n t o f th e B o ard o f T rad ep .
PU BLIC C OM PA N IES : A cc o u n ts an d th e ir A u dit .
By H . C . E M ER Y .
M r Em e r yi s not on ly a s k il l e d ac co u n tan t, b ut a so l icito r Wh o se s p e c ial it y is

p yL
.
Co m an aw .
V olu m e s o n T h e Pro du ce M ark e ts an d Ex ch an g e , Ll o y d s, Fire ’
an d A cc id e n t I n su ran ce , G as an d W ate r U n d e rtak in g s, an d

M u n icip al T radin g , are al so in co n te m p l atio n .
9
N EW S ERIES O F NA VA L A ND MILITA RY
BIO G RA PHIES .
i
Ed te d by P f ro e ss o r O MA N , A u th o r of
‘
T h e A rt of War in th e M d d l e i
A ge s,
’
Th e P i e n n su l ar War ,
’
e tc .
Larg e Cr ow n 8 00 .
7s . e at /t .
M R ED WA RD A R N O LD h as
. pl e asu re in an n o un c n g i th at h e i nte n d s
to p b l i h h tl y
u s s or i i t y B i g ph i w h i h
a se r e s o f i Na v al an d Ml ar o ra e s, c ,
co m i g f m th p
n f y w it
ro w il l it i b l i v d p
e e ns t o e e -
n e sse s , , s e e e , re se n a
v i v i d pi t f m
f th m
c u re o t bl m p ig
so f th l t
e o t y e o re n o a e ca a ns o e as c e n ur .
Th S i
e d w il l b
th
er es d it h ip f P f e un C W OM er e e o rs o ro e s so r . . AN .
A m g th v l m
i p p
on tie o u es n re ara o n are
MY A DV EN T U R ES DU RIN G T H E LA T E W A R
A N arrativ e o f Sh ip w re ck , Cap tiv ity , an d Escap e s fro m
—
Fre n ch Priso n s in 1804 14 .
B y D O N A T H EN C H Y O B R I EN, Ca ta
’
p i n R N . .
A DV EN T U R ES W IT H T HE C ON N A UG H T
RA N GER S, FR O M 1808 T O 1814 .
B y W I L L I A M G RA T T A N Esq , l ate L i e u te nan t C o n n au g h t ,
R ang e rs .
T o be f ol low e d by
J O U RN A L O F T S , . . a So l die r of th e 7l st R e g im e n t ( H ig h
l an d Lig h t In f an t ry ) , fro m 1 8 06 t o 1 8 1 5.
AD VEN TU RES IN T H E RIFLE BRIGA DE i th P i n e en n

l F
s u a, d h N h l
ran c e , an d 8 5 t e et e r an s, 1 1 0- 1 .
,
By S i J O H N K I N CA I D f m ly C p i R ifl B ig d
r , or er a ta n e r a e .
R EM IN I SC EN C ES O F A N A V A L O FFIC ER D U RI N G
T HE L A T E WA R .
By CA PT A I N A . C R A WF U R D , R N . .
T H E CA M PA IG N S of N O R BERT LA N D SH EIT , Se rg e an t
in t h e Y
o rk H u s sa rs an d t h e 2 0t h L ig h t D ra g oo n s, 1 79 —
4 1 8 14 ( E d ite d
by
.
th e R e v C R G LE I G )
. . . .
T H E SUBA LT ERN : A dv e n tu re s in th e Cam p aig n of th e

Py re n e e s, —
1 8 1 3 1 4.
By C . R . G LE I G , l ate Li e u te nan t 8 5th R e ime n t g .

ES S EX HO US E PRES S PUBLI C AT I O N S .
M R E D W A R D A R N O LD h as mu c h
. pl i ll i g tt ti t th e asu re n ca n a en on o e
f t th t l m t w i th t x pti th i t ti g b k h v l l b
ac a a os ou e ce on e se n e re s n oo s a e a een
b gh t p d b m t f p i t b f p b l i ti w h i l
ou u an e co e ou tw o r n e o re u ca on, e o ne o r o
th t h v
a f d th i w y i t th l
a e ou n m h v e r mm d d a h i gh n o e sa e ro o -
s a e co an e a
p mi m
re u .
Th b k
e se p i t d b y th G il d f H d i ft t E x
oo s are r n e e u o an c ra , a sse
H o u se , th onh d p d b y th l t M W i ll i m M
e an re sse s i t u se e a e r. a o rr s a
K lm tt P M mb f M M i t ff l
’
th e e sco re ss . e e rs o r. o rr s s s a are a so re
t i d
a ne t th a E xH P e d it i th h p
sse f th G i l d f
o u se re ss , an s e O e o e u o
H di an ft b y th i m
cra t ti i m m
s th t d i ti
e an s f
o co n nu e n so e e asu re e ra on o
goo d p i t i g
rn d fi w k m
n h ip w h
an i h W i l l
nei m M i v i
orv d an s c a o rr s re e .
S b u ib t th mpl t
sc r e rs i fE xH o e P b l i ti
co e e se r e s o sse o u se u ca o n s are
g i v p
en i i ty f
r or y w b k i d d
o r ant h m b ne f b ib oo s su e , an e nu er o su sc r e rs
i t
s c o n s an tl y i i g I t d i g b ib n c re as n d p . wh d i
n en n su sc r e rs an e rs o n s o e s re
to iv
re c e e m t f th f th m i g p b l i ti
an n o u n c e en s o m e or co n u ca o ns are re c o
m d d t
en e t th i m
o en er p ib l e r na e s as s o o n as o ss e .
O R D ER S M A Y N O W B E G I VEN F O R TH E F O LLO W I N G
Mil to n s Comu s
’
. V e llum i
se r e s .
Cice ro
’
s
De Am icitia
‘ ’
in L ti a n an d En gl sh i ( J o h n H arr i ng to n s
’
l
tran s a tio n E iz a e th an ) , l b .
Bu rn s
’
Tam O sh an t e r
‘ ’ ’
V e llum i
se r e s . Wi th a h an d -
c o l o ure d
f p by
.
ro n tis ie c e W I LL I A M S T R A N G .
Th e ‘
Pare n t al ia o f Sir Ch ri t op h e r
’
s Wre n Th e L if e an d
G by h i i i g
.
A c co u n t o f th e W o rk s o f th e re at A rc h ite ct s So n C o n ta n n a se rie s
ll i g Ci y C h
.
of i u s tratio n s o f th e re m ain n t u rc h e s .
Th e Guil d of Han d icraft Song Book -

Wi th c u ts an d m us i c in
f pg b
.
o ur- a e sh e e ts at I S . a sh e e t , t o b e issu e d in se ts o f te n at a tim e , or o u nd

u
p su b q se ue nt ly by arran gm e e n t.
TH E P UB LI C A TI O N S A LR E A D Y I S S UED A R E
1. Be nve nu t o Ce l l i ni s Tre atise s

’
on e t al M Work an d Scul p ture
pi f
.
B y C R . A SH B E E. . 600 co e s. A fe w s til l l e t .
353 . ne tt.
2. Th e Hy mn of Bard aisan , th e fi rst Ch r st i i an P oe m, re n d e re d i n to

En gl i h v f ms e rse ro th e o ri gi n al S y i by F
r ac, C R A W FO RD B U R K I TT , of
T rin it y
l l g C mb id g pi
.
Co e e , a r e. 2 50 co e s. [ Ou t of p r in t .
Buny an
’
s Pil g rim
’
s Prog re s s Ed te d i f ro m th e i
e arl e r e d i ti o ns
by J f pi by R V
.
A N ET E A SH B EE, w ith a ro ntis e ce EG I NA LD SA A G E. V ll e um
v p
.
co e r. 750 co ie s 305 n e tt
. . .
E D W AR D THE
’
K I NG SEV ENT H S
—
PRA Y E R BOO K .
i i
p ii
T h s w ll b e a su m tu o u s e d t o n o f th e B o o k o f Co m m o n ra e r, P y
i by
wh ch, i p i i
g rac o u s e r m s s o n o f H is M a e st , w ll b e e n t tl e d K n g j y i i i
v P y
Ed w ard th e Se e n th s ra e r B o o k ’ ’
-
.
P y k i
T h e n e w ra e r B o o w ll b e h an d r n te d at th e Esse H o use
-
re s s, pi x P
i f i
an d w h l st c o n o rm n g to th e A u th o r z e d e rs o n w l l ran k , as a e ce i V i i pi
yp p y i
of t o g ra h , w th th e Gre at P y ra e r B o o k o f Ed w ard V I I t is to b e -
.
yp i
in n e w t e d e s g n e d by M r C R A sh e e , w th a o u t o n e h u n d re d
. . . b i b
an dfif y pi
t w o o d c u ts, an d is to b e r n te d in re d an d l ac o n Batc h e l o r b k
h an d mad e
-
pp a er i
T h e re w l l al so
. ro a l be a s e c al n d ng o f p b by p i bi i
g r e evn e l l u i
m w th a gb k i
o l d l o c d e s g n a n d C l as s p .
x pi i
E c e t o n al c rc u m stan c e s c o n n e c te d w th th e B o o o f Co mm o n i k
P y i i
ra e r re n d e r it e s s e n t al th at th s w o rk , in o rd e r to b e o f h sto r c al u e , i i v
s h al l b ei i i pi
s su e d w th th e m r n t o f th e K ng s r n te rs th e ra e r B o o i pi ’
P y k -
i f
w l l th e re o re b e p bi by
u l sh e d h is M a e st s r n te rs , M e s srs E re an d
’
j y pi y .
p i i y
S o tt sw o o d e , ac t n g u n d e r th e R o al e tte rs ate n t, w h o w l l su e r n te n d L P i p i
th e w o rk o f th e Esse x P
H o u se re ss .
p bi
M r ED W A R D A R N O LD , u l sh e r to th e Esse H o u se re ss, is n o w
. x P
i b ip i
e n te r n g su s c r t o n s fo r th e w o rk , an d as th e fe w a a l a l e c o e s are v i b pi
bi pi y
e n g ra d l tak e n u p , th o se w h o d e s re to o ss e s s th s m o rtan t w o r i p i i p k
pp y
are re c o m me n d e d t o a l as s o o n as o ss l e p ib .
ii i i y i i
T h e e d t o n w l l b e str c tl l m te d to a to tal o f o u r h u n d re d c o e s f pi
i pi
fo r E ng l an d an d A m e r ca, at a r c e o f T w e l e G u n e as f ; 1 2 n e tt v i .
i pi
T h e re w l l al so b e fi v e c o e s fo r En gl an d o n e ll u m at o rt o und s v F yP
i y
n e tt, all o f w h c h are al re ad so l d .
N EW E D IT IO NS .
EN G LA N D I N TH E N I N ETEEN TH C EN TU RY . By P f ro e s s o r
C W O MA N Th o ro u h l re ise d and g y v
ro u h t u p to d a te , w ith b g an ad d itio n a l
p f
. . .
c h a te r o n th e S o u th A rican W ar C ro w n 8 v o , 3s 6 d . . . .
RI G H TS A N D W RO N G S O F TH E T RA NS VA A L WAR . By
E T
. . CO O K . Ne w an d re vi d p pse o u l ar e d itio n . Cro w n 8 v o .
, 65 .
A RN O LD TO Y N B EE . A Re m i in sc e n c e . By Vi sc o u n t M I LN E R ,
GCB
. . . Cro w n 8 v o .
, 2 3. 6d .
B A LLA D S O F T H E FLEET . B y Sir R EN N ELL R O D D ,

Ne w an d ch e a p er e d itio n , w ith se v e ral ad d itio n al Po e ms . Cro w n 8 v o .
, 3s 6d . .
W A G N ER S ’
H ERO I N ES . B y CO N STA N CE M A U D . I l l ustrate d by
W . T MA UD . . Cro w n 8 v o .
, SS .
A B OO K A B O UT ROS ES . B y th e R e v D EA N H O LE
. . Cro w n 8 v o .
,
3s 6 d
. .
FIC T IO N .
A bo u t T R E N TE ET
.
Q U A RA N T E . T ran sl ate d b y L o rd N EWTO
C ro w n 8 v o , 3s 6d . . .
‘
A d al e t J A T ki h L v St y
.
’
By A
H A D I RA ur s o e or . D A LET .
’
Cl o th , 6
A dd l y PA U L M E R CE R A T l f R p t
er e a e o e e n an ce am o n g M ll ii on
J l
. .
By h H d R t eA T h i d Edi i
o n . an e v. A M ES D D ER LEY . r t o n. C o th , 35 . 6d .
B g t
a o C A S T I N G O F N ET S
. By R B . I CH A R D A GO T . N i n th I m p re
i 6 s o n. 5.
B g t
a o D O N N A D IA N A
.
(S p g . ee a e
Be ll . T H E A R B IT ER . By M rs H U G H B ELL . . Cro w n 8 v o .
, 6s .
Brow n e T H E B E T T A LE Y
. J EWE L S . By M i ss E . M . B A LFO U
B R OW N E C ro w n 8 v o , 6 s . . .
Buns e n A W I N TER I N By M B E R L IN ARIE VO N BU N SE

d by A F D
. .
T ran sl ate S d Ed i i
. C 8 . . e co n t o n. ro w n v o., 55 .
Bum e sid e . T H E D E L U S I O N O F D IA NA By M . A R GA R ET B U R N ES I D
S e co n d Ed itio n , c ro w n 8vo ., 6s .
Ch arl e t on . N ET H E R D Y K E . By R .
J . C H A R LETON . Cro wn 8v o .
, 6s .
Ch e rbul ie z T H E T U T O R S S E C R ET ( e S e c re t d u
L
’
P é pt r ce e u r.
f V
. .
T ran sl ate d r o m th e Fre nch o f I CT O R CH ER B U L I EZ C ro w n 8 v o . .

, cl o th , 65 .
Ch e st e r PLA I N W O M A N S PA R T B y N
. A C ’
. O R LEY H ESTE
C 8 6
ro w n vo. , s.
Ch l m d l y
o R E D P OT TA G E
on e e By M C M A th A RY H OL O N D ELEY, u or
T mp h I mp
. .
‘ ’
Di Th i
an a ie C 8 6
e s t, e tc . rte e n t re ss o n . ro w n v o ., 5.
Cl k R
ar ll R O SE I S LA N D
u ss e By W C R A h LA R K U SS E LL , ut or c
k fh G
. . .
Th W e 6 re c o t e r oso e n or ,
’
e tc . 5.
Cl t
ou s on . T H E D U KE By J S C U A th f Th TO R E R LO ST O N , u or o
‘
L g 6
. .
’
L i u n at c at ar e . 5.
C l id g
o er T H E K I N G W I T H T W O F A CE S
e By M E C O LE R I D G
E igh h I m p
. . . .
i t8 6 re s s o n , c ro w n v o. , s.
C l id g
o er T H E F IE RY D A WNe . By M E C 6 . . . O LER I D GE . 5.
C l li gw d
o n T H E B O N D W O MA N
oo A St y f th N th m i or o e or en
L k l d By W G C
. .
W f h M
’
a e an A h f Th i Th O LL I NG OO D , ut or o o rs te n o t e e re ,
Lif d W k f J h R k i Cl h
. . .
’
e an 6m 3 6d
or o o n us n, e tc . ot , I o ., 5. .
D m un O R M IS D A L A N v l
ore B y th E D U MO o e e ARL OF N R E,
l h6
. . .
f Th P m i
’
A h ut C
or o 8 ‘
e a rs . ro w n vo., c ot , s.
Ed d y W I N I F R E D A N D T H E ST O C KB R O KER ( S p g
. . ee a e
Ed w d T H E M ER MA I D O F I N I S H U I G
ar s . By R W K E W -
. . . . D AR DS
C 8 3 6d
ro w n vo., s. .
F lka M O O N F LE ET B y J M
ne r . F Th i d I m p i . . EA D E A L KN ER . r re ss o n
8
c ro w n 6 vo., 5.
F d or O N T H E T H RESH O LD By I 0 F A th SA BELLA OR D , u or 0
Mi Bl k f M k h l
. . .
’
ss C 8 3 6d
a e o on s a to n . ro w n v o ., s. .
F d or M R E LL I O T T B y I
. 0 F
. C 8 6 . SA B ELLA . OR D . ro w n ve .
, 5 .
Gaunt V E S S W E ET H E A R T B y M
. DA G U ’
Cl th 3 6d . ARY A NT . o , s. .
H al l F I S H TA I L S A N D S O M E T R U E O N E S C
. 8 6 . ro w n v o ., 5.
H i
arr s on T H E F O R E ST O F B O U R G M A R I E
. By S F -
. . RA N C E
H (S ) C
A R R I SO N 8 6 e ran u s . ro w n vo., s.
H i km
c H A LF M Y L I F E
an . B y C pt i W T H M 6 . a a n . . I CK AN N . 5.
H u ss ey D U L C I N EA
.
(S p g . ee a e
H t hi
u c T H A T F I D D LE R F E LL O W A T l
ns on . f St A d w B a e o n re s.
H G H f M y W if P li i Cl h
. .
'
’ ’
. A h . U T C H I N SO N , 6d ut or o e s o t c s. ot , 25 . .
K t f d
nu s or T H E M Y S T E R Y O F T H E R U E S O LY T l t d b ran s a e
L dy K f m h F h fH B
. .
a N UTSF O R D Cl h 3 6 d ro t e re n c o . DE A LZ A C . ot , 5. .
Lig h th l l T H E F A L S E C H E VA L I E R
a . By W D L . . . I G H T HA L
C 8 6ro w n vo., s.
M N l t y M I ST H E R O R YA N A I i d t i th H i t y f N ati
c u
’
n nc en n e s or o a o
Sm l l 8 l g ly b
. .
By E W M N D A RD d 3 6d C U LTY . a vo. , e e an t oun , 5. .
M N l t y S O N O F A P E A SA N T B y E W
c u . M NU Cl th 6 . D ARD C LTY. o ,
M t eon r s or. WORTH WH I LE B F F M E A th f I t O N TR SO R , u or o

‘
n
h H igh y d H dg C
. . .
’
t e l h
wa 6d s an e e s. ro w n v 0. , c o t , 28 . .
Ox d en A R E P U TA T I O N F O R A S O N G
e n. By M U O . A D X EN D E
C ro w n 8 v o .
, 6s .
0xe nd e n . I N TE R LU D ES . By M A U D O X EN D EN . C ro w n 8 v o .
, 65 .
Pi k c VE R ITY By S
e ring . P 6 . ID N EY I CK ER I N G . 5.
Pi t J O B H I L D R ED B y E F P A th f J ‘
ns e n . . LLEN . I N SEN T , u or o e nn
’
C O asel . 8 3 6d ne v o ., cro w n v o ., s. .
P dm A CY N I C S C O N S C IE N C E By C T P
’
o ore . M C w . . . OD OR E . ro
8 6 v o. , 5.
R df d
a J E N N Y O F T H E V I LLA B y M H C R
or . 6 . rs . . . A D FO R D . 5.
R b t
o T H E CO LO S S U S
er s By M R A th f A S O R LEY O BER T S, u or o
‘
o
f Emp i Th i d I m p
. .
’
o i C re8 .6 r re ss o n . ro w n v o ., 5
R b t
o L O R D LI N L IT H G O W By M
e r s. R S O R L EY O B ER T S e co n
I mp
. .
i 6 re s s o n . s.
S t
e TW O BA B E S I N T H E C IT Y
on . By C S . H R I ST I N E ET O N an
E W ST RA C 8 3 6d I LB R A H A M . ro w n vo., s. .
S t
e A N A M A T E U R PR O V I D E N C E
on . (S p g . ee a e
S id g w i k CY N T H I A S W A Y By M A W A h ’
c S rs . LFR ED ID G I CK ut or
Th G h pp
. .
’ ’
‘
e Th I Sh i
ras s o e rs,
‘
e nn e r r ne , e tc .
Sid g w i k T H E T H O U SA N D E U G E N I A S A N D O T H E R S T O R I E
c
(S p g
.
ee a e
S pi nn e r A R E L U CT A N T E V A N G E L I ST d th St i B an o er or e s.
f L il l A S dy i C l
.
,
’
C 8 6
’
A S A h
L I CE PI N N E R , ut or o uc a, tu n o o ur, e tc. ro w n vo .,
W ll a L O T U S O R LA U R E L ? B y H
ace . W (G d R y ELEN A LLA C E or on o
C 8 6
ro w n vo., 5.
Wil l i m T H E B A Y O N ET T H A T CA M E H O M E
a s. By N W . . YN N
W C 8
I LL I A M S. 3 6d ro w n vo. , s. .
Wil T B A CCA Q U E E N
s on . By T
’
W C s 6 . H EOD O R A I LSO N . ro w n v c .,
J ow e tt B EN A M I N O J J WET T M A ST E R O F B A LL I O L A P e rso n al
L A T p
.
.
,
M e m o ir B y th e H o n OLLE M A CH E . F o u rth Ed itio n , w ith o rtrait .
l
. . . .
C o th , 35 6 d . .
Lak e M E M O R IA S O F T H E L V E R Y R EV W C LA K E D D
Ed i d by h i Wid L
. .
. . . .
,
D e an o f D u rh am , 1 8 69 1 8 94 -
te s ow , K A TH A R I N E AKE
y
.
With Po rtrait D e m 8 vo , 1 65 . . .
Le Fanu S E VE N T Y YE A R S O F I R I SH LI FE . B y th e l ate W R
p
. . .
LE FA N U . Po u l ar Ed itio n . Cro w n 8 v o .
, 6s
M acaul ay L I FE THE P O N D E N CE O F Z A C H A R Y A N D CO R R E S
M A C A U LA Y By Vi D my 8
.
K .Wi h P i 6
s co u n te ss N UT S FO R D . t o rtra t
. e v o., I s.
M d ac ldo na T H E M E M O I R S O F T H E LA T E S I R J O H N A
Ed i d by J
. .
M A C D O N A LD Fi P im M i i f C d rs t r e n ste r o an a a. te OSEPH
h i P iv y Wi h P i T v l d my 8 3 ,
P O PE , S s r ate e cre tar . t o rtra ts. wo o s. , e v o ., 25 .
M ars on H U G H O F LI N CO LN By C M Vi f H A R LE S A R SO N , c ar o
Sm l l
. .
H mb id g T
a r Wi h P e i , 8
au n to n . 3 6d t o rtra t. a c ro w n vo. , s. .
M i le r va e T H E A U T O B I O G RA P H Y O F D EA N M E R I VA L E Wi th
S l f m hi C p d Wi h P i d my 8 6
. .
i
e e ct o n s ro s o rre s on e n ce . t o rtra t, e vo., 1 s.
M il A R N O L D T O Y N B EE
n e r. (S p g . ee a e
M l y or e T H E L I F E O F H E N R Y M O R L E Y LL D P f f ro e s s o r o
E g l i h Li U iv i y C ll g L d
.
, . .
,
n s te ratu re By h at R H S
n e rs t o e e on on . t e e v.
Wi h P i D my 8 , .
S MA
OLLY, . . 6d t tw o o rtra ts . e v o ., 1 25. .
M t t A M I N GL E D YA R N T h A t b i g ph y f E W
o S e u o o ra o D A RD PE N C E R
G L g
. .
M f C k
’
(N
O TT ) A h
A T H A N I EL d Al t U BBI N S . ut or o a e s an e , e c. ar e cro w n
8 6d
v o ., 1 28 . .
OB i M Y A D VE N T U R E S D U R I N G T H E L A T E W A R 8 4 8 4
'
r e n. 1 0 -
1 1
(S p g 9
.
,
ee a e
P l y A M E M O I R O F A D M I R A L S I R T S P A S L EY B
as e By A RT
L i pi D my 8 l h 4
. . . .
,
M S P
O U I SA Wi h F . . A SLEY . t ro n t s e ce . e v o ., c o t 1 s.
P ig PH A S E S O F M Y L I F E
ou . B y th V y R F P U e er ev R A N CI S I GO
S ix h E d i i Wi h P i C 8 6
. .
,
D fB i
e an o l r s to . t t o n. t o rtra t . ro wn v o ., s.
P ig o u.OD DS A ND END S (S p g . ee a e
R h f t
oc e or T H E A D VE N T U R E S O F MY L I F E By H R H EN R I OC E
vl l g
. .
S
FO R T . d Edi i T e co n 8 5 t on. wo o s. , ar e c ro w n vo., 2 5.
R b k
oe uc T H E A U T O B I O G R A P H Y A N D L ET T E R S f th R i gh t o e
J O H N A RTH UR R O EBU CK Q C M P Ed i d by R
.
H o n. E te O B ER T A DO N
D my 8
. . . .
, ,
L Wi h
EA D E R . P i t6 tw o o rtra ts . e vo., 1 s.
R mb l d
u o R E C O LL E CT I O N S O F A D I PL O M A T I S T
.
( S p g x) . ee a e .
St e v e ns on .R O B E RT L O U I S S T E V E N S O N By W R A LTER A LE I G H ,
P f f E gl i h Li i th U iv i y f Gl g
.
ro e s so r o n s S d Ed i i
te rature n e n e rs t o as ow . e co n t o n.
Cro w n 8v o .
, c l o th , 2 5 . 6d .
Tol l e mach e TA L KS W IT H M R GLA D ST O N E B y th e H o n L A

Wi h P i f M Gl d L g
. . . . . .
T OLLEM A C H E . t a o rt ra t o r. a sto n e . ar e cro w n 8v o .

, 65 .
H IS TO RY .
Be ns on Tath am an d M E N O F M I H T S tu d e s . G . i of G Ch arac te rs
re at .
B y A C B EN SO N , M A , an d H F W T A T H A M M A A ssistan t M as te rs at
g l
. . . . .
. . . .
, ,
Eto n Co l l e e . F o u rth Ed itio n . Cro w n 8 v o .

, c o th , 3s 6 d . .
Be v an . L (S p g
T H E H O U S E O F S E E U CU S . ee a e
C ill
a d ar E CO N O M I C S U GG E S T I O N S ON THE B R IT I SH
(S p g
.
E M PI R E . ee a e
C k
oo R I G H T S A N D W R O N G S O F T H E T RA N S VAA L W A R .
vi d p p l d i i ( S p g
.
N de w an re se o u ar e t on. ee a e
Fi h
s F I N L A N D A N D T H E T SA R S B y J
e r. R F B A O SEPH I SH E R , .
Wi h S pp l m y Ch p h Ev D my 8
. . .
t u e f 9 e n tar 6d a te rs on t e e n ts o 1 00 . e vo . , 1 25 . .
F d ik
re er F I N LA N D It P bl i d P iv t E m y B y N C
se n. : s u c an r a e co no .
f m ly P f f P li i l E my
. .
F R ED ER I K S E N , d Fi
or i erh ro e sso r o o t ca co n o an n an c e n t e
U iv iy fC p h g
n e rs Ct 8 l h 6
o o en a e n. ro w n v o ., c o t , 5.
G d
ar n e r FR I E N D S O F T H E O LD E N T I M E By A G LI CE A R D N ER ,
L i Hi t y h m C l l g C m b id g I ll
. .
e c ture r n N F
s or h Ed i i at e wn a o e e, a r e. o u rt t o n. us
d
trate , z s. 6d .
G d
ar n e r R O ME T H E M I D D LE O F T H E W O R LD : By A LI CE
G Ill
. .
S
A R D N ER . d Ed i i d 3 6d e co n t o n. ustrate , 5. .
H ll d
o an I M P E R I U M E T L I B E RT A S By B H ER N A R D O LLA N D .
D my 8
. .
e 6d v0 1 25 . . ne tt.
Mil ne r E N GL A N D I N E GYP T By V M H i gh C m I SCO U N T I LN E R , o

h Af i Wi h dd i i l h pt by C
. .
mi i f S
ss o n e r or out D W r ca. t an a t o na c a er L I N T ON A K I NS .
T h di i
e nt R vi d e ih M p t 6
on. e se , w t a s. 5.
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F I F T Y L U N C H E S Sm l l 8 . a v o . , cl o th , 2 5 . 6d .
Sh l nd
or a CY C L I N G FO R H EA T H L A ND PL EA S U R E By
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L H PO RTER , A u th o r o f Wh e e l s an e e l in ,
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Smi t h THE RIN CI ES O F P A N D E D E ST A T E PL L M A NA GE

v
.
M EN T B y H EN R Y H ER B ER T S M I T H , F e ll o w o f th e I nstitu te of S u r e y o rs ;
g q L L
.
A e nt to th e M ar u e ss o f an sd o w n e K G , th e Earl o f Cre w e , o rd M e th u e n,
y8 6
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e tc . With Pl an s and I l l ustratio ns . De m vo., 1 5.
Whit e PL EA S U RA B L E B EE KEE P I N G B y C -
N W H I TE, L e ctu re r
y C il f H i gd C mb id g h i y il l
. . . .
to th e C ou nt o unc s o u nt n o n, a r es re , e tc . Full ustrate d .
O ne v o l ., cro wn 8v o .
, c l o th , 2 5 . 6d .
THE N A TI ONA L R EV I EW .
Ed te d i by L .
J . M A SE X .
Pi r ce H al f -
a
-
Cro w n ne t M o nth l y .
Th e i vi i i i v iv
Nat o n al R e e w is th e l e ad n g U n o n st an d Co n se r at e
’
vi
R e e w in G re at B r ta n i i i p i i
S n c e it asse d n to th e c o n tro l an d e d to r
.
sh ip . x i i P y v
o f M r Le o M a se , m o st o f th e l e ad e rs o f th e U n o n st art ha e
ib
co n tr u te d to it s p i i q i ib y
ag e s, n cl u d n g th e M ar u s o f Sal s u r , M r A rth u r .
f b i i
B al o u r, M r J Ch am e rl a n , an d Lo rd G e o rg e H am l to n
. . pi T h e e so d e s .
i iv
o f th e m o nth , w h c h g e a m aste rl y vire i p
e w o f th e v m o rtan t e e n ts o f
th e p i f b f
re c e d n g m o n th , o rm a v al u a l e i i
e atu re o f th e R e v e w , w h c h n o w
o ccu pi e s a un ue iq p i i yp i i
o s t o n amo n g m o n th l e r o d cal s .
MIS C ELLA N EO US .
Be ll VER SA T I O N A L O P E N I N G S A N D E N D I N G S B y M
CO N . rs .
Sq
.
H B
UG H 8 6d
ELL. u are v o ., 25 . .
Gl t
ous o n. T H E C H I PP E N D A L E P E R IO D IN E N GL I S H PU R N I
T UR E By K W C Wi h I ll i by h A h A R R EN LO U ST O N . t 2 00 us trat o n s t e ut o r.
D m y 4t d m ly b Gi
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e h d O
o., an so e ou n , ne u ne a ne tt .
C f d
rau ur TH E F I E L D T R A I N I N G O F A CO M PA N Y O F
G di G d S d
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I N FA N TR Y By M j H J C . l a or . . R A U FU R D , ate re na er u ar s. e co n
Ed i i F l
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on . 6 d o o sc a vo . , 2 5 . .
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J l h 3 6d
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G REA T P U B L I C S C H O—O L S E H W W TO N AR RO I N CH ES T E R
—W
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C —C
LI FTO N Wi h l y I ll i by h b
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P p l o Ed i iu ar O l l g im p i l 6 m
t o n. h d m ly b ne v o d 3 6d .
, ar e er a I o ., an so e ou n , s. .
H A R R O W S CH O O L Ed i d by E W H W d G T W te O SO N an O N SE N D
Wi h P f by E S
. . . .
W A R N ER . t K G a Ch i m
re ac e f h A RL PE N C ER , a r an o t e
G ib i vi
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,
fH
ov e rn o rs o S h l A d C by O l d H
arro w d H
c oo n o nt r ut o ns arro an s an arro w
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P io rtra d p d i ts f bj t
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u n e a ne t Edi i l im i d
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5 ar e - a er t on, te to 1 0 co e s, re e u n e as n e tt.
Ha t h mr s O LD E N GL I S H GLA SS E S A A
o e. t f Gl D i ki g n cco u n o as s r n n
V l i E gl d f m E l y Tim d f h Eigh t y
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e sse s n n h an ro h C ar to t ees en o t e e e nt e n tu r
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Q B
u e e n.
y A H F ll f h
L BERT S i y f A iq i I ll
A RT S H O RN E , e ow o t e oc e t o nt u ar e s. us
d by
trate l y 7 fi l l p g Ti d
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.
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Th re e u n e as n e tt .
Pil ki g t n I N A N ET O N PL A Y I N G F I E L D
on Th Adv t f e e n u re s o
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. .
mso e o E u c By E M S P
c oo o s n as t on o n. I L K I NG T O N .
F p 8 h d m ly b
. . .
ca . d
v o ., 6d an so e oun , 25 . .
I LLUS T RAT ED H U MO RO US B O O KS .
A me s REA LLY B y M r an d M rs E R N E ST A MES

A N D TRU LY
y p y l l gv p g g
. . . . .
T w e nt S l e n d id l C o o u re d P ate s ,
w ith am u sin e rse s, d e ic tin th e re at
v
e e n ts o f th e n in e te e n th ce n tu r 4to , 3s 6 d y . . . .
H B an d B T B M O R E B EA STS FO R O R SE C H I D R E N W L
G q p b k by
. . . . . .
B y H B an d B T B ro te s u e ic tu re s in l ac an d w h ite , an d in im ita l
lv v l v
. . . . .
c e er e rs e s 4to , w ith co o u re d c o e r, 35 6d
. . . .
B Y T H E S A M E A U TH OR S .
A L A LP H A B ET I
MO RA d ff n w or s o ro m one to s e v en s yll b l a e s. F lly
u
I ll d 3 6dustrate , 5. .
T H E M O D E R N T R A V E LL E R F lly . u I l l u s trate d , w th i c o l o u re d co v e r.
4to .
, 3S 6 d . .
Lock w ood L O C KW O O D S KET C H B O O K B i g
THE RA N K F e n a
by l Si F L W Q C M P Th i d
. .
S l i
e e ct on k o f S e tch e s th e ate r RA N K OC K OO D , r
b g y
. . . .
Ed i i t o n. 6d O l o n ro al 4to , . 1 05. .
P w l T H E K H A K I A LP H A B ET B y L D P W
o e s. W i th 6 f l l O LE S 2 u
p g I ll by T B W F l p 4
. . . .
a e i u s trat o n s OM RO N E. o o sc a to .
, 1 5 . n e tt .
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St am
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e r.
Wi h P by G H Obl g 4 3 6d
.
’
By C l D S o . . T R EA M ER . t l c tu re s . . on to ., s. .
BO O KS FO R T H E YO UNG .
S I X S H I L L I N GS E A CH .
F I R E A N D SWO RD I N T H E S U D A N By Sir R U D OLPH SLA TI N and S ir F R

W IN GA T E
( Se e a e p g . . .
pg
.
M OO NF LEET By M EA D E FA LK N E R .
J . .
( Se e a e
F I VE S H I L LI N GS E A CH .
SN O W - S H O ES AND S ED L G ES By K I R K M U N R OE F u ll y il l ustrate d
l
. . .
Cro w n 8v o .
, c o th , 5s .
R I CK DA L E By K I R K M U N R O E Ful l il l us trate d
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, cl o th , 55 .
T H E F U R S EA S T O O T H .
’
By K I R K M U N R O E L y il l F ul l ustrate d . C ro w
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, c o th , 55 .
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ll p
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ith n u m e rous I u s trat io n s.
T H E WO R L D . By M . H
C W L . Fca .
4t o .
55 .
H O W D I CK A N D M O LLY SA W EN GLA N D By M H CO R N W A L
EGH W
L ll . l p ith n um e ro us I us tratio ns . Foo sc a 4t o .
, 55 .
. . .
DR G I LBER T S DA UG H T E R S
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, c o th , 55 .
ER I C T H E A R C H E R
d d l b
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V EY. t u - a e us trat o ns .
H an so m e y oun , c ro w n 8v o .
55 .
T H E R E EF O F G O L D By M A U R I CE H H V Wi h m f ll p g
ER EY . t
ll d l b d l dg nu e rous u a
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I u stra t io ns , h an so m e y oun , gi t e e s, 55 .
BA R E R O CK Th I l d f P ; o r, e s an o e arl s . By H N Wi h m EN R Y A SH . t
llI AN CE LOT PEED g
u s tra tio ns by L S . Lar e cro w n d l b d g l dg
8vo .
, h an so m e y oun , it e e s,
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55 .
e ro u
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F . Cro w n 8v o .
, 55 .
WA GN ER S H ERO I N ES By C ’
. O NSTA N CE M I ll t d by W T M
A UD . ustra e . . A UD .
C row n 8v 0 .
55 .
TH R E E S H I L L I N GS A N D S I X PE N CE E A CH .
TA L ES FR O M H AN S
Sma ll
A N D E R S EN
h an d so me l . W ith n e arl y 40 O ri in al g I l l ustratio n
b y E A LE M A N N
. . .
4to y bo u nd in cl o th , 35 6d .
TH E SN O W Q U E E N an d o th e r T al e s B
y4
H A N S C H R I STI A N A N D ERSEN
f ll ll d d l d
, . .
B e au t i u y i u s trat e by M iss E A LE M A N N S . . . to .
, h an so me y b
o un , 3s 6d .
.
S C IENC E A N D PH ILO S O PHY .
B oul g e r . W O OD .
( Se e p ag e
Dal by T H E BA A N C I N L G OF EN G I N ES By W E D A LBY , M A
y
. . . . . .
B S c.
.
, M I n st C E , . . . . With 1 73 I ll u stratio n s . D e m 8 v o , 1 05 6d . .
n e tt.
Pin se n P H O T O T H E RA PY B y N R F T l t d by I N SEN ran s a e

l y
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J H . S Q . M D I E l d D
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G h m
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: an os on an
C i i i m f h Sy f H bb L k B k B h m M ill d M i
.
r t c s m t o e ste s o o e s, oc e, ur e, e nt a an a ne .
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,
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l g l f
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Hil l A M A N U A L O F H U M A N P H Y S I O L O GY By L H EON A R D I LL,

ly 5 p g d 7 I ll
. .
M E N . . e ar i C 800 6 a e s an 1 0 u strat o ns . ro w n vo . , s.
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u c F O O D A N D T H E P R I N C I PL E S O F D I ET ET I CS B y
s on . .
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U T CH I SO N , Ph y i i h n., ss s tan t s c an to t e
L d H p i l d h H pi l f Si k Ch il d G O m d S
. .
on on os ta an to t e os ta or c re n , re at r on tre e t
Th i d I m p I ll D my 8
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ri d re ss o n . 6 u strate . e vo . , 1 5 . n e tt.
K it h
e H U MA N E M B R Y O L O GY AND M O R PH O L O GY By
my H pi l
. .
A K M D EI T H , L A h L d e c tu re r o n n ato at t e on on os ta
M di l C l l g ly 5 I l l i D my 8
. . .
,
e Wi h
ca o e e. 6d t n e ar 2 0 u strat o ns . e vo . , 1 2 5 . . ne tt .
K l y
e se P H Y S I CA L D ET E R M I N A T I O N S B y W R K
. B S . . . E LSEY , . c .,
C ro w n 8 v o .
, 4 s 6d . .
Le hfe l d t A T EX T B O O K O F -
P H Y S I CA L CH E M I ST R Y By D r R
f yi h E t L d g
. . . .
A L E H F E LD T , Pro e ssor o f Ph
. s c s at T h t e as on on ec n ical Co l l e e .
Cro w n 8 v o , 7s 6 d . . .
Lou is T RA VE R SE TA B E S L
B y H EN R Y O U I S, M A , L
f g L v g
. .
F e tc Pro e sso r o f M in in an d e ctu re r o n Su r e y in , D u rh am

ll g l y G y
.
,
Co e e , N e w c as t e - o u T ne - an d W GA U NT , M A De m 8 vo , . . . . .
4s . 6d . n e tt.
Matt h e w s HA N D BOOK O N F E R M E N TA T I O N B y C H A R LE S G
ly I l l
. . .
MA TT H EW S d C 8 7 6d . F ul us trate . ro w n vo. , 5. . n e tt.
M or g A N I MA L B EH A V I O U R
an. By C L LO YD M O R GA N ,
P i ip l f U iv i y C ll g Wi h m l L g
. .
r nc B i la o n e rs t o e e , r sto . t nu e ro u s Il u stratio ns . ar e
cro w n, 1 05 . 6
B Y TH E S A M E A U TH OR .
H A B IT A N D IN ST I N CT : A S T U D Y I N H E R E D IT Y . De m y8 v o ., 1 6 5
T H E S PR I N G S O F C O N D U CT . Ch p E d i ti
ea er L on . arg e c ro w n 8v o .
,
35 Gd . .
P SY C H O L O GY F O R T EA C H E R S th a Wi P re face by S ir J OSH U A
FI T C H M A LL D f p g
.
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Six h Ed i i
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t t on . ne v o l , cro w n 8 v0. cl o th 3s 6d
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Mu d g e T E XT B O O K O F Z O O O -
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,
Lo nd . I l u strate d C ro w n 8 v o , 75 6 d . . . .
P e ars o n T H E C H A N CE S O F D E A T H , an d o th e r S tu d e s in E o l u t o n i v i
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.
.
By KA RL PEA RSO N , A u th o r o f T h e Eth ic o f Fre e Th o u h t, e tc

‘ ’
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, .
,
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. . d
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, . . u u st rate . e vo. , 5. . n e tt.
P y e rr CA L C U L U S F O R E N G I N E E R S By P f J P ro e s s o r OH N ER R Y
F if h Ed i i
. .
F R S . . C . 8 7 6d t t o n. ro w n v o ., s. .
Ri hm d c A N E S S A Y O N P E R SO N A L I T Y A S A PH I LO S O PH I
on .
CA L PR I N C I PLE By h R W R MA 8 6d . t e e v. . I CH M ON D, . . vo. , 1 05 . .
Sh w aA T E X T B O O K O F N U R S I N G F O R H O M E A N D H O S P I TA L -
By C W R vi d d l g ly by W R
.
US E S W i EEK S HA e se an ar e re -
w r tte n A D FO R D ,
S g h P pl H pi l p i i f Si D D
. . . .
H o u se d h
u r e o n at t e o ar os ta un er t e su e rv s o n o r YC E UC K
M D F R C P F lly I ll
,
W O RT H , d . 8 3 6d .
, . . . . u ustrate , c ro w n v o ., s. .
T yla T H E A LP H A B E T
or By I T M A LL D C SAA C A YLO R , an o n
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.
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V I H ff
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b— i bl p l y f ll I —C h m i l D y m i
. . . .
O r o ta P na e se arate as o ow s : art e ca na cs . 1 2 5 . n e tt.

Ch m i l S I I I —R l i b P p
.
P II art i 8 6d. P e ica tat cs. 5. . n e tt. art . e at o ns e tw e e n ro e rt e s

d C an i i 7 6d o n st tu t o n . 5. . n e tt.
Y A L E B I C E N T E N N I A L P U B L I CA T I O N S ( S p g . ee a e
PRA CT IC A L S C IENC E MA N UA LS .
Dy mond G R I C U LT U R A L S T U D E N TS
C H E M I ST R Y FO R A By
yT hi l Lb Ch l m f d
. .
T S D . f h C . YM O N D, i C o t e o unt ec n ca a o rato r e s, e s or . ro w n
8 6d v o . , 2 5. .
H l lid y
a ST EA M B O I LE R S
a By G H l t D m t t A LL I D A Y, a e e o n s ra o r at
h F i b y T h i l C ll g F lly I l l
. . .
t e ns d
ur 8 5 ec n ca o e e . u u s trate , c ro w n vo., 5.
Wil E L E CT R I C A L T R A C T I O N
s on By E W R N EST I LSO N ,
P f i l E gi i g Ki g C ll g L d I ll
. .
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ro e ss o r o e c tr c a n ne e r n at n s o e e, on on. us trate d .
Cro w n 8 v o .
, 55 .
PUBLI CATI ONS OF THE INDI A OFFI CE AND OF THE GOVER NMENT OF INDIA
AR D RNO L D v g d bl dM
.
Mr ED W A , h a in b
e e n a p o in te Pu is h e r t o t h e S e c re ta ry o f S tat e fo r I n ia in p
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CATAL OGUE OP WORK S OF GENERAL LITERA TURE.

GENERAL CATALOGUE OF ED UCA TI ONAL WORKS .
CA TALOGUE OP WORKS FOR USE IN ELEMENTAR Y SCHOOLS .
ILLUSTR ATED LIST OF BOOKS FOR PRESENTS AND PRI Z ES .

YA LE BIC ENT EN N IAL PUBLI CATI O N S .
The f i
o ll o w n g are am o n g th e m o re m i p t tv l m o r an o u e s re c e n tl yi ssu e d .
Th e se r e s i is d e m y8 vo .
, c l o th . A i l t i i g f
c rc u ar c o n a n n ul l p ti
ar c u l ars
o f all th e v ol u me s m ay b e o bt i a ne d on appl i ti ca on .
Th e Ed u cat ion o f t h e A m e rican Citiz e n . B y A R T H U R TW I N I N G

H A D L EY , LL D , Pre sid e n t o f Ya e U n i
. . l v e rs it y . 6 5 6d
. . ne tt .
Socie t ol og y '
A Te t Boo x -
k of th e Sc e n c e o f So c e t i i y . By W I LLI A M
G f l l
.
‘
. S U M N E R , LL D . .
, Pro e sso r o f Po itica an d S o c ial S c ie n ce . 1 2 3. 6d . ne tt .
Tw o Ce nturie s
’
Gr o t h w of Am e rican Law , 1 7 01 - 1 901 . By
Me m b e rs o f th e La w Facu t ly . I 7s . ne tt .
Th e Con fe d e r ate Sta te s Am e rica, 1 8 6 1 - 1 8 6 5

of A nan c al Fi i
l y vl
.
an d I n d ustria H is to r o f th e S o u th d u rin th e C i i War By J O H N C H R I ST O PH E R

f
.
S C H WA B , Ph D , Pro . . e ss o r o f Po l itical c o n o my . 1 05 . 6d . ne tt .
n
I d ia, 01d an d Ne w WBy ED WA R D A SH BU R N H O PK I N S, Ph D
f d C mp iv Ph il l gy
. . .
,
Pro e ss o r o f S an s k rit an o arat e o o . 1 05 . 6d . n e tt.
Th e Gre at Ep ic o f I n dia . I ts C h arac te r an d Or g ii n. B y ED WA R D

WA SH B U R N H O PK I N S Ph D ,
. . I 7s . ne tt .
Sh ak e sp e re an Wars . I Sh a k pes e are as a D ram at i c A rt st i By

L f g
. .
T H O MA S R . O U N SB U R Y , LL D . .
, Pro e sso r o f En l ish . 1 25 . 6d . n e tt.
Stu die s in Ev ol u tion Be i ng ma nli y R p i t fO e r n s o c c as o n al i Pp a e rs

l d f m h P bl i L b y f I v b P l l gy
.
s e e cte ro t e u c atio n s o f th e a o rato r o n e rte rate a e o n to o

P b dy M f
,
ea m o By u se u CH A R LE S E M ER SO N BE EC H ER , Ph D Pro e sso r of
i l G l gy
. .
,
.
Hi sto r ca eo o . 2 1 5 . n e tt .
TH E T IM ES A T LA S .
M E W
R . A h
D pl i
ARD i g th t h R N O LD as e asu re n an n o u n c n a e h as
o v th p bl i ti f th i m g i fi t w k
er e u ca on o s a n ce n or .
I S SU E D IN THE FO LLOW I N G ED I TI O N S .
Ha n d s o m e c l o th b in d in g 273 6 d . . ne tt .
Half m o r o c c o , g ilt e d g e s 35 s . ne tt .
F u l ly b o u n d Ed it io n d e Lu xe 55s . ne tt .
P AG E Gau n t , M ary
PAGE N e w t o n , Lo r d
A s o ur
dd l gb g l d
'
‘
A a et G e o r e , F o re n c e A N imro
A am s , E D a e n po rt v G in s u r , B
ld
.
J
27 ’
O B rie n , Cap t A
d
. .
A d d e rl e , H o n an d R e v G e ic h e n , C o u n t
.
l
A e xan e r, W G o r o n
A m e s , E rn e s t
d 15
.
. . .
G o man , E
d V
G o r o n , S ir T E
.
O y s se us
O man , C .
A M o ra A ph a e t
db l l b
A n e rs e n , H ans Ch ris t ian
25 G o s ch e n ,
G rah am , W
is co u n t
. .
Onyx
O xe n d e n , M au d
A sh e e , C R
A u s t in , M aj o r H H
.
26
. Gra tt an , W
G re at Pu ic Sch o o bl
.
l Pe e , H o n G
ll
Pas e y Lo u is a M S , . .
gg
B a o t , M rs C
4, 2 0
. .
. .
Gre y , Ear
G re y , H M
l s
Pe e , H o n S
Pe arso n , K arl
l .
.
.
B a o t , D o s ia
g b
. .
llll d
20
Ba ot, R Pe m re M S
g H a , Brad n oc k
. .
.
7, 1 3
Pe rc y , arl
B e l l , M rs H u h
ll 1 3,
H a i ay , G
g , Pro oh n fJ
lll
.
B e , N ap I e r H are , A u u stu s J C
p
.
20
ip s , L M arch
.
B e n so n , A C
l l
.
. 17 .
H arris o n , F re d e rI c Ph i ips , C D F
B e rk e e y , H o n Gran t e y F
v
B e an , E R .
22
2, 17 .
. .
H arris o n , S Fran c e s
H arro w S c h oo
.
ll b F ick e rin , S i n e y
g
Pi o t t, D i by
.
d . .
Be y n o n , W G L . 20 . .
H art sh o m e , A e rt
.
B is ik e r, W PIg o u , Ve ry ev Fra n c is
ldlg b
.
5, 20 H e n s o n , C an o n
v Pik e , W ar u rt o n
.
B o u e r, G S
B ra e y , C u t h e rt b
.6, 2 8 .
Her ey , M H
H ick m an , Ca p t W T
. .
lk g
Pi in t o n , E M S . . .
B ro o k fi e ld , C H E
l f3, 1 8 H ill , Le o na r d . . .
Pins e n t , E l l e n F
dll .
J
. . .
Po m o re , C T
B ro w n e , E M B a o u r
B ro w n , E w ar d d . .
H ofi , D r
f
'
.
’
H . V an T . .
Po o k , Lie u t Co o n e
l
.
-
.
l l
ll J H o m e y r, A
l
.
Bu , H
.
Po w e s , L D . .
H o e , D e an
d
. . 20 1 2, 1 5, 2 3
B u n se n , M arie v o n Pric e , L L
d
. .
H o l l an d , B e rnar 16
B u rn e , C o m m an e r C R N
d
B u rn e s i e , M ar are t g 20 . . .
lll d
H o an , C an o n
Pritc h e t t , R T
l
. .
l J
B u t e r, A
H o m e s , T h o mas
lk
H o t , A rd e rn
Q u il
dl g d
er Co u ch , A T . .
ll bd ll R a fo r , M rs C H
. .
H o p ins o n , A M
. . .
C a i ar , Sir H P
Cam p e , G D
. .
5,
6,
I
20
7
g J
H u h e s, L
.
R a e i h , Wal t e r
R an so m e , C yr
d i
. . . . .
R ay m o n , E Ii
C an u t, G H u ss e y , E y re
DI
.
z yn
C h ap man , A e H u t ch in so n , H o race G
l VJ
Ch ar e t o n , R
20
I 3 H u tch iso n , R o e rt b
.
R e ed , E T
d ld
P bli
R e i , A rn o t
d
.
C h e rbu l ie z , ic to r
C h e s t e r, N o r e y
ldld lv
I n ia O ffi ce
I n g al l , G D
u ca t io n s R e y n o s, R e v S H
d lfd
R ic h m o n , R e v W i ri
. . .
C h i re n 5 F a o u rite Se rie s
’
C h i re n s H o u r S e rie s
’
.
I n t e rn at io n a E u cat io n l d .
b l
R o e rts , M o r e y
f
.
l dl M
C h o mon e e y , ary
J
S e rie s
o h ns t o n , A nn ie F e llo
R oc h e o rt , H e n ri
Ro ddb ll
, Sir R e nn e
J
ws
City S e rie s
ll g
C o u h , B l an ch e A K e ith , A
R o e u c k, R t H o n A . . . .
C o u s to n ,
ll W W d J
S t o re r
.
l
K e se y , W R
.
R oss, H
d
R o y , Go r o n
b b ld
. . .
C o u s to n , K arr e n K e n n e y -H e r e rt Rum o Sir H o race

ll W l k
.
C o w e s, Lair
lll gd Md W
C o e ri g e , E
.
K it c h in , F H
K nox, T W
. .
R u ss e ,
W ll
C ar .
3 1
d d
. .
. .
C o in w o o , G S cro pe , i iam
ll J
C o in s , C h ur t o n
C o l v il e , S ir H E
.
. 1 3, 1 8 K n u ts fo r , La y
K u h n s L O scar
, .
S e t o n , C h ris t in e
S h aw , C We e k s
k l
.
Lak e , K ath arin e

g d
. .
Sh o rl an d , F W
Coo , E T .
C o s m o p o ite
.
La n , A n r e w d
Si g w ic k , M rs A
. .
d l
bb g L e F an n , W R f
.
S l at I n Pash a, S ir Ru
C ra e , Ge o r e
C ra u u r , f d Mj a or H J g
Le h , M H C o rn w a.
.
.
.
ll S mi th , A D o na s o n ld o
g J
.
Le h fe l d t , D r R A
g l ll
. .
Sm it h , H H
.
c u n n in h am ,
. .
G Li h t h a , W D
lVb W b
. .
.
S m ith , T h o m as
ll
. .
Da y , E Loc a Se ri e s
d k
. .
So y , H S
De e re , A u re y
D u n m o re , E ar o f l Lo c k w oo , S ir Fra n 25
S p inn e r, A ic e
.
l .
b
D y mon , T S d Lo u is , H
M d l d
.
J
po rts m an 5 L i rary
’
ddd d l W Lt -C o l
.
R
.
E y , Ch a r es
7, I 3 M d
ac
ac ld o na
o na
,
, S ir o h n A
.
J . .
.
.
tre am e r, C o l D
T ath am , H F W
. .
E w ar s , R
E ll ac o m b e , H
.
N
. K .
M ars o n , C .
M ar g H
1 6
l
T ay o r , I s aa c
. . .
ll W
E io t ,
E m e ry , H C
G . .
. . 1 8, 2 3
2
a th e w s ,
at th e w s , C
are t
T h e T im e s A tl as
T h o m ps on , C o l R F M e y s
bl au d , C o n s t an ce 8, 26
. . .
. .
1 2, 1
E sse x H o u s e Pu i cati o n s Th o rn t o n Co l T
axs e , L
J
ll
.
l JM d
.
1 0- 1 2
T o ne ma cfl e , H o n L A
b
. .
Fa k n e r , , Si r H e r
. . .
ea e axw e e rt
T u rk e y I n E u ro pe
.
M c N ab , Fran c e s
Faw ce t t , E D
ll M J .
d d
M c N ul ty , E w ar ll
W a ac e H e e n l d
Fe , R e v
F e nton ,
Fie , ld M Mrs E
rs
. .
.
25
27
v lV J
M e ri a e , A
M il n e r, isco u n t
. .
1 2,
14
16
16
W ark w o rt h , Lo r
We e r T W bb
,
, . .
Whit e C N
. . .
M o ntreso r, F F
F in se n , N R
Fis h e r , J
R
. . 28
g l d
M o r an , C L o y
. .
2 8,
14
lb
W i rah am Estra
lll
, . .
ld gbl
F e min , C ano n
. . 17
1 8 M ott , E S
dg
Mu e , G P
. 29
16 W i iams N W y nn e
W i so n , ru e s t
,
Fo r , I sa e l a O
d k gl W
Fre e ri se n , N C .
.
. 1 7 M u nroe , K irk
. . 29
26
W
lg
W i s o n T h e o o ra
in ate Sir F R
, d
Fre s h fi e l d , D o u as
l 6, 20 N as h , H e n ry
l v 26
l l bl i
. .
. ,
Fry e , A e xis N a t io n a R e ie w Ya B ic e n te nnia Pu

Gar d
n e r, Al ice 1 7, 27 v l Ml
N a a an d g
i itary B io rap hie s
24
9
e
t io n s
c
RETURN TO th e c irc u la tio nd e sk o f a ny
i
Un v e i i
rs ty o f C a lifo rn a Lb ra ry i
o r to th e
NO RTHERN REG IO NA L LIBRA RY FA C ILITY

Bld g 4 00 Ric h mo nd Fie ld Sta t o n
. . i
i
Un v e rsity O f C a lifo rn a i
Ric h mo nd C A 94 804 46 98
,
-
A LLBO O KS MAY BE REC A LLED A FTER 7 DAYS

2 mo n rh lo a ns ma y b e d by c a lling
’
-
re ne w e
( 5 10) 6 42 6 753 -
l y e a r lo a ns ma y b e
-
re c h a rg e d b y b ring ing
b o o ks to NRLF
Re ne w a ls a nd re c h a rg e s ma y b e ma d e 4
d a y s p rio r to d ue d a te .
DUE A S STA MPED BELO W
J UL I 8 2800
(I

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RANDO M REMINIS C ENC ES

and his thoughts too seriously I am not aware .

that I have included in this volume anything which

O n e of my grandfathers used to tell a story of an

a scarlet coat with his hunting cap cocked on one -

side The young man half seated himsel f on the

corner of the writing table set his arms akimbo

swung his leg deﬁantly and exclaimed Father , , ,

I m an atheist and I don t care who knows it I

The old man looked up from his work pushed his ,

spectacles on to his forehead and then replied in ,

measured tones Well John if tha beest tha

n e e d s t not mak sic a Tom fool o t h as e l

belief absolutely true though here and there I have

altered a name I f one or two stories should seem

familiar I would remind the reader that lack of

novelty is an essential element in a reminiscence .

O wing to an unfortunate weakness which I have

stor ies to m y friends but I am so sanguine as to

hope that some may buy my book whom I have

something to entertain them .

For personal and other reasons I have omitted

Sc h o o l re p o rt , of my p are nts Te nny so n ,

Op e ra- H o use —One or tw o Ban c ro t f i

th e c ro u pi e r—A d i sp u te d stak e — P l ay i ng o n a sy ste m

nai e tev —A F re nc h c o n ﬁ d e nce -

Sch o o l re p o rt, 1 8 70 —F ri e n d s o f m y p are n ts —Te nn y so n , y

m i nste r Sch o o l —T h ank sg i v i ng Se r vi ce at St . P ’

A F EW days ago I found in a box of old letters a

e are d to my schoolmaster or as he wished my

father to think I appeared to him at th e ag e of ,

thirteen A lthough thirty odd years may have

wrought some changes in my character and disposi

old domini e s estimat e of me as I may have been

Charlie as his mark book will have already

shown you has taken an exce e dingly good position

in his class this t e rm The distinct progre ss which

I hav e been able to trace in Latin has be e n v e ry

always b e en to him his most s erious d ifﬁ cu l ty — his

a decided improvement in his spelling For quick .

ness in comprehending the general drift of a speech

expressing hims e lf he is unrivall e d I n algebra .

and Gre e k he has work e d st e adily and mad e pro

gain e d by ov e rwork ; on th e contrary I thin k that ,

if h e were to show a littl e more e mulation h e would

n e xt term three prizes may be fairly within his

in the result Polit e sensible and cl e ver Charli e

has always seemed to m e a most agre e abl e com

character consists in his want of self assertion -

H owever pl e asant it may be for a mast e r or for

the conduct which arises from an unwillingness to

good I think it is well that he should be able to

maintain his own convictions even at the risk of

being browbeaten or bullied To the upright .

p rinciples and tender feelings which Charlie already

r e solut e will which is the best safe guard against

I remain reverend sir

A lthough as a child I was brought into contact

personal reminiscences of them This may be .