Hold Me Tight

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/52973434.

Rating: Not Rated

Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category: F/M
Fandom: 一念关山 | A Journey to Love (TV)
Relationship: Li Tongguang/Yang Ying
Characters: Li Tongguang, Yang Ying (A Journey to Love), Ren Ruyi, Chu Yue (A
Journey to Love)
Additional Tags: a journey to love, yang ying and li tongguang finding comfort in each
other
Language: English
Series: Part 1 of A Journey To Love: Epilogue
Stats: Published: 2024-01-11 Words: 1,261 Chapters: 1/1
 Hold Me Tight
by dearspxtnik04

Summary

What Yang Ying experiences on the night she loses both a sister and a brother, but possibly
gains someone else

Notes
See the end of the work for notes
“Yuanzhou gege!!!”

“Ning dage!!!”

Yang Ying and Li Tongguang scream simultaneously along with the rest of their companions
on the city wall, out of all the cries Ruyi-jie’s is perhaps the most heart wrenching of all.
They can do nothing but watch as the legendary Ning Yuanzhou’s body is pierced repeatedly
by the spears of the enemy soldiers, the Beipan troops encircle him but the man doesn’t falter,
every part of his body bleeds but he pushes back, determined to take out as many opponents
he can as long as he has a breath left in him. She can feel the end coming, his moves are
growing sluggish, his footwork a mess, the usual light in his eyes is gone and she can’t bear
to watch. This man is her brother, more than the men who share a father with her, unable to
bear witness to the end of her family, chosen not born, she gives in to impulse and turns to the
one person beside her. Yang Ying buries her face into Li Tongguang’s armor trying to silence
herself and not give in to the sobs that threaten to rack her body at any moment.

Later she will wonder why her husband, the word seems so strange to her even now, didn’t
push her away, after all they had united under the guise of marriage for power, there had been
no talk of providing comfort only a quick assurance that they would be mutually respectful to
each other. But in that moment she is grateful for the arm that wraps around her waist, her
vision is blocked completely and she is spared to witness another person she loves leaving
the world. She knows the one holding her won’t look away though, she doesn’t know how or
why but only a few weeks of married life with him have let her know a lot of his personality.

It seems only a few seconds later that quiet falls over the battlefield, the fires keep raging but
there is no more clashing of weapons or of cannonballs colliding, she’s not naïve enough to
hope that the moaning and groaning of the wounded would be coming from the person they
want it to be coming from. She moves a bit to look at the carnage, the arm around her she
notices doesn’t leave only adjusting itself so that she can better support herself, she doesn’t
say anything about it and neither does he.

“I’m sorry Shifu, because of me he-”

As Ruyi-jie assures Tongguang that he is not at fault and that even if he had made a mistake
Yuanzhou gege had made his own decision, she thinks of how easy it would be to blame him.
It’s not really his fault, she knows, but she also knows he would let her scream at him and
shake him, just like the time when Ruyi-jie had faked her death.

It is his reddened eyes however, and the tear tracks on his cheeks which stop her, he may
have hated the man once but war changes all of them and she believes even when he hated
Yuanzhou gege he had never wanted him to die whether it be to spare Ruyi-jie the pain or
something else.

Everything after that happens in a daze, Ruyi-jie bids them farewell and she knows it’s a final
one, she doesn’t cry again, once is enough and after all she was taught better than that. When
the news from the assassination attempt comes she knows another of her family members is
gone, she receives the report with Li Tongguang and Chu Yue in the room they have
fashioned into a military commander’s strategy room.

The other girl leaves the room in tears, despite knowing each other only a few days Yang
Ying already feels a sense of kinship towards this woman who has also lost her family and
been thrust under too much pressure too soon, and so she makes a note to go to her once all
this is over to extend a hand of friendship. It would not hurt to have a friend in the new leader
of the Shaxi tribe as her husband and she gain a foothold in court and strengthen his position
as Regent.

The soldier finishes his report and Li Tongguang orders him back to get some rest, only once
they are alone does he break. It is probably her first time seeing a man break like this, he
crumples to the ground as if his legs are made of paper, kneeling on the floor as he sobs
breathlessly, his hair shrouding his face from her vision.

So for the second time that night she gives into impulse, she crosses the distance between
them and goes to her knees too, she doesn’t have to say anything, doesn’t have to tell him to
lean on her, the minute she is in front of him he presses his face into her shoulder and cries,
cries like a child would cry for his mother, cries like a lover would cry for his love, cries his
heart out the way she did for Yuan Lu and she lets him, even when her shoulders hurt and
legs tire from kneeling, even when she feels her shoulder get damp despite wearing multiple
layers.

It feels like an eternity later he silences, only when his body collapses further into her, his
head landing in her lap, she realises that he has lost consciousness. A rush of terror goes
through her and she’s yelling for someone, anyone, to call for a physician. It doesn’t take
long for her order to be fulfilled, the physician is also tired after all the battle has been
ongoing for days but he dutifully averts his gaze from their intimate position, taking the pulse
of the man in her lap he reassures her that all the general needs is a long overdue rest and a
whole lot of water when he wakes. She could ask one of the servants to help her move him to
a room with a bed, she doesn’t, she convinces herself it’s because the servants already have a
lot on their plate what with the countless things that need to be done during an ongoing war.

A small part of her knows why she doesn’t though, she knows that maybe providing
Tongguang with comfort is helping her in a way too, focusing on someone else’s pain is
taking off her mind from her own. It is making her feel needed and so she lets him sleep, her
thighs numb but she lets him sleep, lightly running her fingers through his hair, his beautiful,
beautiful hair that has lost its shine over the past few weeks, has roughened and turned
coarse, a stark difference from the wavy tresses of the past. His hair is not the only thing that
has changed in just a short amount of time but it is not yet time to take those things out from
the compartments she has filed them into in her mind, once the reinforcements arrive and she
goes back home, maybe she will think over them.

Once they make it out alive she will think about how her and her husband’s relationship is
changing, she makes sure to emphasise on the once even in her mind, there will be no ifs, too
many people had been sacrificed and she will not entertain the thought of more of those
around her dying even in her mind where no one can hear her.
End Notes

It isn't a lot but I might be posting some other small ficlets like this for both this pairing and
maybe one for Chu Yue too. Please talk to me about these characters on twitter
@naksudefender.

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