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Contents
Contents of Audio CD xi
Preface xiii
18 Liquids 147
9 Central Vowels 71
Symbols for the Mid‐Central Vowels in Stressed
Syllables 71 19 Glides 157
Symbols for the Mid‐Central Vowels in Unstressed A Focus on Pronunciation 162
Syllables 74
Pronunciation Variation of Central Vowels 75 20 Term Review and Practice 164
v
vi Contents
22 Stress 194
Glossary 235
Vowels in Stressed and Unstressed Syllables 194
Two‐Syllable Words 195
Stress Changes with the Addition of Prefixes and Answer Key 237
Suffixes 197
How to Decide which Syllable has the Primary
Stress? 200 Index 263
Reduction of Vowels to Schwa in Unstressed
Syllables 214
Noticing Vowel Alternations with Changes in Stress
Patterns 216
The Impact of Morphophonemic Changes on Stress and
Vowel/Consonant Changes 218
List of Exercises
Chapter Exercise Name Chapter Exercise Name
2 2-A Finding Consonant Sequences and 6-K Writing Words in Phonetic Symbols:
Digraphs 20 Words with /æ/ 51
3-C Counting Sounds: Find the Errors 27 7-C Writing Words in Phonetic Symbols:
Words with /u/ 53
4 4-A Sorting Words by Number of 7-D Decoding Phonetic Symbols: Words
Syllables 30 with /ʊ/ 54
4-B Manipulating Onsets and Codas 31 7-E Writing Words in Phonetic Symbols:
4-C Counting Sounds in Words 32 Words with /ʊ/ 54
4-D Making More Comparisons: Number 7-F Decoding Phonetic Symbols: Words
of Sounds in Words 33 with /o/ 55
4-E Reversing Sounds in Words 34 7-G Writing Words in Phonetic Symbols:
Words with /o/ 55
4-F Sorting Words by Number of
Sounds 34 7-H Decoding Phonetic Symbols: Words
with /ɔ/ 56
4-G Applying Terms: Finding Words 35
7-I Writing Words in Phonetic Symbols:
4-H Applying Syllable Terms: What’s on
Words with /ɔ/ 56
the Line? 36
7-J Decoding Phonetic Symbols: Words
4-I Syllable Talk: Matching Terms with
with /ɑ/ 57
Definitions 36
7-K Writing Words in Phonetic Symbols:
4-J True‐False 36
Words with /ɑ/ 57
4-K Identify the Term 37
8 8-A Common Bonds 61
5 5-A Tuning into the Vowel Sounds in 8-B Identify the Vowel 61
Words 40
8-C Working with the Vowel
6 6-A Sorting by Vowel Sound 46 Quadrilateral 62
6-B Decoding Phonetic Symbols: Words 8-D Identifying the Vowel
with /i/ 47 Changes 63
vii
viii List of Exercises
18-H Decoding Phonetic Symbols: Words 21-C Select the Correct Transcriptions 187
with Sequences 154 21-D Transcription Practice: Velar
18-I Writing Words in Phonetic Symbols: Nasal 187
Words with Sequences 155 21-E Transcribing Words with Bound
Morphemes /s/, /z/, /əz/ or /t/,
19 19-A Common Bonds 157 /d/, /əd/ 188
19-B Decoding Phonetic Symbols 157 21-F Transcription Practice: Velar Nasals
19-C Writing Words with Phonetic and Bound Morphemes 190
Symbols 158 21-G Transcription Practice: Glides 191
19-D Solving Word Equations 158 21-H Determining the Correct
19-E Writing Word Equations 159 Transcription 191
19-F State the Change 160 21-I Judge the Transcription 192
19-G Creating Minimal Pairs (Onset) with 21-J Decode Symbols: What’s the
Sonorants and Obstruents 161 Word? 193
x List of Exercises
xi
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Preface
About This Workbook etc., we give minimal attention to the particular sounds in
the overall message because our ability to process speech
If 10 professors who taught the undergraduate phonetics and print is very rapid and automatic. This automaticity,
courses at their respective universities came together, each however, can disrupt adult students from attending to the
of them would approach the acquisition of phonetics and sound system of their language as they are faced with the
subsequent transcription skills differently. I recall my own task of learning a symbol system that is based solely on
phonetics course, taken more than 30 years ago, taught what sounds are heard. Since becoming competent in lit-
by a professor in broadcasting (although I was majoring eracy, we have learned to bypass the auditory channel and
in communication disorders). We spent 50 minutes, three solely focus our attention on the visual forms of words.
times per week, transcribing words spoken by the profes- Van Riper and Smith (1979) refer to this as being “eye-
sor. Pianissimo is one such word that has not left my mem- minded” rather than “ear-minded.” For adult students,
ory bank! who are about to learn about the English sound system and
My background in language and phonology, and my acquire a new symbol system (IPA), attention needs to shift
research in phonological awareness and early literacy back to the auditory and kinesthetic characteristics of those
skills, have informed the way I teach my own phonetics sounds (i.e., return to being ear-minded). Learning to apply
course. I treat learning the International Phonetic Alphabet the IPA when transcribing speech will eventually require a
(IPA) in much the same way as children learn to read. balance of being both ear-minded and eye minded.
Awareness of sounds needs to be addressed prior to learn- I have learned a great deal from my students over the
ing which symbols are used to represent those sounds. past 15 years. My students have taught me that they need
Additionally, conventions of the written symbol system repeated exposure to the symbols in order to use them
need attention. Because the foundation for the IPA is accurately and efficiently. Some students encounter diffi-
sounds, it is imperative that the nuances in the pronuncia- culty isolating sounds and matching them to a new sym-
tion of sounds also are emphasized. bol. Without a solid foundation, these students encounter
The primary focus of this workbook is to prepare difficulty with subsequent transcription skills and clinical
students to be able to transcribe speech phonetically by application remains problematic. Other students seem to
increasing their awareness and knowledge about the be able to match sounds to the IPA symbols with ease, yet
English sound system, their knowledge of how individual they do not always have a solid understanding of articu-
sounds are formed, and their understanding of how sounds latory phonetics for efficient and effective application in
combine to form words. This workbook presents an active clinical situations. In order to be able to accurately tran-
learning tool for individuals studying articulatory phonet- scribe the speech of others, students need to learn about
ics and English pronunciation skills. Its goal is to provide how sounds are formed, how those sounds change in dif-
a “sound” foundation from which transcription skills can ferent contexts, what symbols represent those sounds, and
develop. This workbook is not the “typical” phonetics what rules guide the use of those symbols.
workbook. Using this workbook will provide students with Because of these issues, this workbook is based on a
a sufficient foundation needed to learn to attend to sounds “meta” approach to learning. Meta skills require that con-
in words so that learning and applying a new symbol sys- scious attention be given to a specific entity apart from
tem will be a successful experience for them. Because one understanding the meaning. To be meta requires knowl-
of its goals is to provide a sound foundation from which edge to become explicit, rather than implicit. Becoming
transcription can build, this workbook slows down the explicitly aware of the phonological structure of our lan-
learning process so that students have an opportunity to guage is a cognitive task and one that requires focused
develop the skills and strategies they need before they are attention, active learning, a great deal of practice, and a fair
required to use them. amount of reflection. Additionally, increasing awareness
In order to learn and use the IPA for transcribing of the orthographic system is needed in order to effectively
speech, students must attend to the sound structure of the shift our attention to the sounds on which that system is
language. Becoming aware of the sounds of English pho- based. The content in this workbook is presented in such a
nology can be challenging because a typical student has not way that students have to think about sounds in an explicit
paid attention to individual sounds since mastering reading manner. Information is presented in order to create cogni-
and spelling. Although we hear language on a daily basis in tive dissonance in students so that they are encouraged to
the form of conversation, television programs, music, etc., make sense from what is presented to them. My goal is to
and encounter print on a daily basis by reading, texting, have the individuals who use this workbook think about
xiii
xiv Preface
the sounds of the English language as they never have in perception. This unit lays the foundation for the informa-
the past. My primary aim throughout this workbook is to tion and exercises that will be introduced in Units 2 and 3.
design exercises for students to become reacquainted with The focus then moves to the production of individual
the English sound system through discovery. As they com- sounds (articulatory phonetics) and the IPA symbols that
plete the exercises, I would like for them to experience represent them. The second unit focuses on the vowel sys-
“ah-ha” moments as they make sense of the phonological tem of the English language. Vowels are presented first
system of English. because, in my experience, students are challenged more
by vowels than consonants. Because the symbols for 16
consonant sounds are the same in the IPA and the Roman
Explanation of Organizational alphabet, students can immediately be exposed to the vowel
Framework symbols in the context of words. Unit 2 provides exercises
for the learner to focus on the specific characteristics that
The overall presentation of information is deliberate, help to distinguish vowels from each other. It details the
explicit, and systematic to promote successful learning. individual vowels in the vowel system: 14 monophthongs
The first challenge it presents to students is to think about (Chapters 6, 7, and 9), diphthongs (Chapter 10), and rhotic/
sounds in the face of orthography (Unit 1). It then intro- controlled-r diphthongs and triphthongs (Chapter 11).
duces the vowels (Unit 2) and consonants (Unit 3) of the Understanding the specific vowel characteristics within
English phonology system. Pronunciation information, the context of the vowel quadrilateral is emphasized in the
including allophonic, dialectal, and accent variations, are exercises presented in Chapter 8 so that students under-
included within each of these units. Lastly, the topics of stand the classification of monophthongs and come to
broad transcription and word stress are introduced (Unit view the vowel quadrilateral as a useful tool in future clini-
4). Most published texts provide these three levels (i.e., cal decision making.
awareness, IPA symbols and articulatory phonetics infor- Unit 3 concentrates on the 25 consonant sounds in
mation, transcription) simultaneously, despite the fact that the English language. How consonants are classified is
most students do not learn these skills in that way. Most addressed first, and the introduction of voicing, place,
instructors supplement existing phonetics workbooks with and manner of articulation is introduced through expe-
additional practice material to insure student learning. It is riential sorting exercises (Chapter 13). The six manner
the aim of this workbook to systematically lead students classes serve as the organizational framework when indi-
through each level separately so they are able to learn new vidual sounds are described and detailed (Chapters 14–19).
information on a firmer foundation. Each chapter presents the sounds within a specific man-
The chapters within each unit lay the foundation, ner class, along with their characteristics. Once students
provide the pertinent content, and then provide ample learn the characteristics of each sound, they will be able to
practice for students to adequately learn the specifics compare and contrast sounds with each other. For speech–
and meet the established goals. The exercises build upon language pathology students, this will serve as a foundation
each other so that each student can learn solidly by taking for understanding development, phonological patterns and
from what they have previously learned and applying the processes, and articulation errors. Included in each chapter
knowledge to new material. This systematic approach to in this unit is pronunciation information (in the form of
learning provides a layering of information to scaffold stu- allowable differences) that will help students understand
dent learning. Along with a variety of practice exercises, their own and others’ sound production in words. This will
questions are posed to students to encourage them to think be followed by exercises to practice the information for
about their sound system and reflect upon specific areas. consonant singletons. Students will be asked to (1) “read”
The final chapter in each unit provides a review of terms phonetic symbols to create a familiar word, (2) translate
(Units 1–3), a focus on pronunciation (Units 2 and 3), and the sounds in a word into phonetic symbols, (3) use an
additional practice that elaborates and extends previous “equation” of phonetic information to make words, and
exercises. (4) write a phonetic equation for presented words. The
The first unit focuses on phonological awareness (i.e., consonant sounds in each manner class will then be intro-
awareness of syllables, onsets, rimes, and sounds) as well duced in the context of consonant sequences. Two familiar
as orthographic knowledge (i.e., knowledge about how exercises (reading phonetic symbols to make words and
spoken language is represented in print) and introduces writing a word in phonetic symbols) will assist students in
students to basic terminology. It briefly presents the con- focusing on the consonant sounds in sequences. Additional
cepts of phonology, phonemes, allophones, coarticulation, exercises are included in the final chapter to provide addi-
assimilation, dialects, and accents and alerts students to tional exposure to sounds that are frequently problematic
the impact these concepts may have on pronunciation and for students.
Preface xv
1
CHAPTER
Thinking About the
English Phonology System:
1 Syllables and Sounds
P
honology refers to the sound system of a language. The phonological sys-
tem of a language consists of (1) the group of specific sounds used in that
language, (2) the permissible variations of those sounds when produced,
and (3) the particular rules for combining those sounds.
Two groups of sounds make up a phonology system: consonants and vowels.
Consonants are speech sounds produced as a result of air moving through the
vocal tract encountering some constriction or obstruction. The articulators (i.e.,
lips, front teeth, lower jaw, tongue, or the velum) close the vocal tract in some
way by interfering with, obstructing, or modifying the outgoing breath stream to
produce these types of sounds. As a result, consonants are referred to as closed
sounds. The consonants in a word can be by themselves (singleton) or in a series
(sequence). An example of a word with consonant singletons is bat; an example
of a word with consonant sequences is stops. When consonants are in a sequence,
each consonant sound retains its identity during pronunciation. Sequences can
occur within a syllable (cluster) or across syllables. Both sequences in the earlier
example of stops can be referred to as a cluster; however, the sequences in the
words basket and husband fall across syllables.
Vowels are speech sounds produced as a result of air moving through a rela-
tively open vocal tract. Although movement of the articulators (i.e., lips, tongue,
and jaw) changes the shape of the mouth, producing different vowel sounds, the
breath stream remains unimpeded. Vowels contain the most acoustic energy and
therefore are perceived as stronger sounds (as compared with consonants).
Consonants and vowels serve different functions in our sound system. Both con-
tribute to the clearness and intelligibility of speech. Because they are the most prom-
inent, vowels carry the intonation and prosody of our language. Consonants act as
dividing units, assisting in creating boundaries in words. Think about talking while
yawning or saying something with a pen in your mouth. Depending on the context,
the listener may still understand your message because of the intonation. What is
lacking, however, is the finer distinctions and clarity made by the consonants.
The Syllable
A syllable is a unit of pronunciation consisting of a vowel sound alone or a vowel
sound with the consonants that precede or follow it. There is only one vowel sound
in a syllable. When adjacent vowels are produced as separate sounds, separate
syllables are formed (e.g., helium, rodeo). An exception to this definition is when
a consonant can serve as the nucleus of a syllable. Only three consonants (i.e., m,
n, and l) can serve this role. This special circumstance will be explained in Unit 4.
2
Thinking About the English Phonology System: Syllables and Sounds 3
Parts of a Syllable
Vowels
Vowels are essential to syllable formation. A syllable must contain a vowel sound.
Each vowel serves as the nucleus of the syllable. Because a vowel sound has the
strongest acoustic energy, they are often referred to as the peak of the syllable.
Vowel = peak/nucleus
Return to your answers. The number of syllables = the number of vowel sounds you hear in each word.
Think of 20 more words. Say each word aloud and count the number of syllables in each.
SOMETHING TO There are many words that may be pronounced with different syllable
CONSIDER counts. Consider the following words: every, boundary, usually. Can you
say them two different ways? Think of other words that can be pronounced
Pronunciation with different syllable counts.
Variance
Consonants
Because the vowel sound is the nucleus of the syllable, consonants are described by
their relationship to the vowel. Prevocalic consonants (singleton or sequence) are
those consonants that come before the vowel. Postvocalic consonants (singleton or
sequence) are those consonants that come after the vowel. These two terms refer to
4 Chapter 1
the consonant placement within a syllable. When the word (rather than the syllable)
is the unit of pronunciation, the term intervocalic may be included. Intervocalic
consonants (singletons or sequences) are those consonants that are between vowels
in a word with two or more syllables.
My appointment with Frij was for one P.M. Mox had telephoned on
Sunday night and told me about it. He didn't say who Frij was. He
merely gave me the address and the room number and hung up.
Frij had an office on the thirty-ninth floor of a building on Fifth Avenue
in the forties. He had, in fact, the entire penthouse. A small plaque
on the front door said simply: PEERLESS PROMOTIONS.
I rang the bell.
The door opened and a tall gray-haired man grabbed my hand.
"I'd know you anywhere, Sam. Come in, old man. Frij is the name.
Frij by name but warm by nature. Like a drink?"
I suppose he was punning on the British nickname for a refrigerator.
"Not right now, thanks," I said.
Frij wore a dark, pin-stripe suit, a plaid waistcoat and bow tie. He
looked about forty-five. He was solidly built, like a football player
gone only slightly to pot. He nodded and half closed one eye.
"Very smart," he said. "I admire your restraint. Sit down, old man."
He indicated a deep leather chair on the visitor's side of the huge
wooden desk. He dropped himself into a swivel chair on his side,
leaned back and propped his feet on a corner of the desk, which was
clear of everything except two telephones and three animal figurines
made of heavy-looking black plastic. I recognized two of them. One
was an elephant and the other was a donkey. I couldn't figure out the
third, which was bigger than either of the others. It must have been
some kind of Monolithian animal.
It seemed to be up to me to say something, so I said, "Nice place
you have here. Quite a view." And so it was. The Empire State
Building loomed up to the south and Rockefeller Center to the north.
The third set of windows gave a good view of the Hudson River.
"Without a peer," Frij said. "Peerless, in a word. Peerless
Promotions. That's us. My name, I've decided after considerable
thought, will be Addison Madison. What do you think of it, old man?"
I thought very little of it but I pretended to turn it over in my mind. "It's
got class," I said finally. To myself I thought, With a capital K.
"Exactly," Addison Madison-Frij said. "That's what they want—class.
Frij is too alien-sounding for their ears. They must have something
that inspires confidence."
"Confidence in what, if I may ask?"
"Ask by all means. That's what I want you to do. Ask and criticize
and suggest. This thing must roll, on all sixteen. It must purr, like the
contented kitten. Or is it cow? I need you, old man, I tell you frankly.
The closest kind of collaboration is necessary if we are to achieve
our objective." He took his feet off the desk and sat up purposefully
in his chair. "If you follow me."
"Not entirely," I said. "What exactly are you promoting? Public
acceptance of Monolithia?"
"Secondarily," he said, giving me a sincere, old-school-tie look.
"President Allison primarily. Through him, us. Didn't Mox brief you?"
"Only briefly. I thought you were going to fill in the gaps."
"That I will," Frij said. "But in good time. First lunch. Then there's the
cocktail party. Both excellent gap-fillers. There's no urgency at all."
He rang and a girl came in. A pretty girl, about five-feet-four and
black-haired, wearing horn-rimmed glasses and carrying a notebook.
"Joy," he said, "put down in your book that you're to take Mr. Kent to
lunch and keep him occupied until it's time for the party. Joy, Sam.
Sam, Joy Linx. That's all for now, Sam. See you at the party."
I followed Joy out, not unwillingly.
At her desk she took a manila envelope from a drawer and counted
out two hundred dollars. "I'm an old-fashioned girl, Mr. Kent," she
said. "You take me out to lunch." And she pushed the bills over to
me.
"What's this?"
"Expense money. There's more when that runs out."
"Want me to sign for it?"
"No. That's petty cash; it's off the books already."
We took a cab to the Algonquin and sat next to each other on the
leather couch along one wall and had Scotches and made small talk
about the waiter with the two-foot-high pepper grinder and the old
Thanatopsis and Inside-Straight Society that used to meet there.
Joy Linx spelled her last name for me, emphasizing that it had no "y,"
and took off her glasses. She said to call her Joy. You can say all
you want about glasses not hiding a girl's beauty, but Joy was much
more of a looker without them. "I'm near-sighted," she said, "and
they're heavy."
"I approve," I said. "How long have you been with Peerless
Promotions, Joy?"
"With the aliens, you mean? You can speak frankly. They hired me
last Friday and I started today. How about you, Mr. Kent?"
I told her to call me Sam, but decided not to say, as I was tempted
to, that I wasn't sure I was with the aliens, exactly, even though I was
on their payroll. "I started today, too, officially," I said. "It's been very
pleasant work so far. Another Scotch?"
"Just one more," she said, and we smiled at each other a bit stiffly
and tentatively.
I ordered the second round and the lunch, trying not to look at the
prices. They were academic, of course, considering the expense
money in my pocket, but I couldn't help contrasting this with my
hectic lunches at World Wide—often a sandwich brought down from
the cafeteria and eaten on the desk with a cup of office-brewed
coffee—total cost under half a dollar.
I risked telling Joy about this. You never know what kind of reception
such a sad little anecdote may have and I was relieved when she
laughed with genuine understanding.
"I used to do the same thing," she said. "Only I brought my own
sandwich. I liked egg salad on whole wheat."
"I'm a liverwurst and swiss cheese on rye man myself. With lettuce
and mustard. Who were you with before Peerless?"
"A theatrical agency. I had some far-fetched dream of becoming an
actress by association one day."
"You've certainly got the looks for it."
"Thanks, Sam, but I'm afraid my only talent lies in being a secretary."
I made some gallant reply, then asked what she did, exactly, for Frij
—alias Addison Madison.
"Isn't that a scream of a name?" Joy said. "So far all he's told me is
that I'm to be his Girl Friday—I guess he picked that up when he was
studying his role. And to take you out to lunch. It's a fine job." Joy
looked straight at her plate of beef au jus and said, "I suppose you're
married."
"Yes," I said, looking at my scallops.
"Just like to get the facts. I'm divorced, myself. Incompatibility. Linx is
his name. I kept it because it's more euphonious, professionally, than
Kaplan."
"I see."
"I wish you much better luck, Sam."
"Thanks," I said, and almost told her Mae was pregnant. For some
reason I didn't. I don't think it was entirely because I was reluctant to
compare her unhappy state with my excellent one. Joy was a very
pretty girl indeed. "Thanks," I said again, and left it at that. "How
about another drink?"
"Okay." She looked up and smiled. "Forgive the personal history."
"Not at all." I got the waiter's eye and ordered, and a bus boy took
away the plates. "Tell me about this cocktail party. Who all's
coming?"
"Some of everybody, I gather. Everybody who is anybody, that is."
"Oh? Big names?" I didn't know anything about the social life of the
aliens, come to think of it. So far all I was familiar with was their
public appearances, in a news sense, and their cloak-and-dagger
intrigues, such as locking me up in that air-conditioned dungeon.
"The biggest," Joy said. "You'll see. They've been mingling like mad."
"What for, I wonder."
"Your guess is as good as mine. Ten times better, probably."
"Will you be going to the party?"
"Yes. In my Girl Friday capacity. Wearing my glasses, so I can
recognize people across the room, and seeing that Addison Madison
shakes hands with everybody."
"How about shaking hands with me now, just in case you're too busy
later?"
"I won't be," Joy smiled. But she put her hand in mine. I neglected to
give it back right away.
Then the drinks came and after a while Joy put her glasses on and
we took a cab back to the office. She sat on her side and I sat on
mine and we talked about the weather. It was hot.
The party had got to the point where everybody seemed to be talking
at once. Enough liquor had been consumed for the initial
tentativeness to have worn off and the Monolithians were no longer
standing apart as they had been at the beginning. It was impossible
to tell who was from where, except that the women were all from
Earth, presumably, and I heard several variations on the question
"Are you one of Them or one of Us?"
The din of the talk, the overworked air conditioners and the
mechanics of barkeeping made every conversation a private one
within its own area, even though it was carried on at the top of the
voice.
"I'm one of us," I shouted to a short, stout martini fellow who
cornered me in an alcove where I'd gone to put out a cigarette. "Sam
Kent, World Wide." I'd forgotten for the moment that I'd resigned.
"John Blobber," the martini said. "I'm with the Yarbutta people."
That's what it sounded like. "Good name, Sam. Sam Clemens, Sam
Goldwyn, Sam Spade. Lots of people named Sam. Sam Levene,
Sam Behrman—good American name."
"I never thought it wasn't, Mr. Yarbutta," I told him, trying to edge
away.
"No. John Blasher," he said, approximately. "I'm with the Yollawa
people."
"Oh, sure. I guess I've heard about them."
"Make tunsleys," he said, waving his glass dangerously in my
vicinity. "Business very good, at the moment, thanks to the
Monolithians." He set his glass down on the little wooden table that
held the ashtray I'd sought out, knocked on the wood and picked up
his glass. "Sam F.B. Morse—great inventor. Sam Lincoln, great
preshident."
"I think you've got that last one wrong," I said, backing off. "Fellow
named Abe, he was, I believe. Look, Mr. Blasher, you just reminded
me—I've got to see Abe Copeless about that story in Hammerslam
this morning. You know the one I mean."
I left him nodding in polite confusion. At the bar I got a fresh Scotch
and turned around to find myself trapped in a group playing Real
Names.
"You with the Scotch," a red-haired woman said. "You can't go till you
tell us who Archibald Leach is."
"Cary Grant," I said instantly out of my storehouse of copy-reader's
lore. I tried to go, but the woman put a hand on my drinking arm and
said, "Oh, this is one we've got to keep. I'll bet you don't know Joe
Yule, Junior."
"Why, madam," I said, "everyone knows Mickey Rooney."
"This man is a gem," the woman—she was a gin and tonic—said.
"Arlington Brugh?"
"S. Arlington Brugh," I corrected. "Robert Taylor. Now may I go?" I
smiled, so she wouldn't think my rude question was rude.
"Not a chance, my dear boy. You're an absolute fount. Irwin, give him
that one that stumped us before." Irwin was a tall, lean Screwdriver.
"Lucille LeSueur," he said defiantly, wrinkling an eyebrow.
"Joan Crawford," I told him instantly.
The gin-and-tonic lady shrieked with glee—"That's right! We all
guessed Lucille Ball. How do you do it?"
"It's really very simple," I said modestly. "You see, I'm their lawyer
and they have no secrets from me."
"I doubt that very much," the third Real Names player said frostily.
He was a Bloody Mary and I figured it served him right. "James
Stewart," he said, as if he were playing the ace of spades. "Let's see
you get out of that."
"You're doing it backwards," the gin lady said reprovingly.
"No, I'm not," the Bloody Mary man insisted.
"No, he's not," I said, lifting my Scotch and her arm for a sip. "That's
Stewart Granger. And Charles Pratt is Boris Karloff and Rita
Hayworth is Margarita Cansino, and Roy Rogers is Leonard Slye
and—if you will unhand me, my good woman—Frederick Bickel is
Fredric March."
"Don't let him get away," she shrieked. "He's priceless!"
But I did get away. I weaved my way among clusters of people who
were making sounds of our time touching on Lorca, Kerouac, Glenn
Gould, Lenny Bernstein, Brendan Behan, Sinatra, Astaire, Gielgud,
Philip, Kennedy, Marlon, Ingrid, and Marilyn, and found myself cheek
by jowl with my old friend Eurydice Playfair, who used to be a
newspaperwoman herself.
My Real Names ploy, which I had been savoring along with my
umpteenth Scotch, turned to ashes as it recalled itself forcibly to me
that I was no better than dear Riddie, having sold out to the aliens
myself.
"Dear boy!" she said. "Where have you been keeping yourself?"
"Between you and me, Riddie," I said, "between the devil and the
deep blue tax collector, up to just about now. Can I get you a drink?"
This is one way of vanishing. You just don't come back from the bar.
It's understandable at such a conclave. But Riddie was not to be put
off that easily.
"I'm well fixed, Samuel, my old," she said, waving three-quarters of a
bourbon on the rocks at me. "What I want to know is who's running
the store, now that Kent and double-you double-you have phfft? Not
old pinchpurse Hyatt, surely?"
"I have put all those mundane cares behind me," I said in an attempt
to be sprightly. "Greater things are afoot."
"How very true," she said. Riddie was dressed to the hilt in a lamé
thing that clung to her well-preserved curves. "I'm delighted you've
got yourself a handhold. There's room enough for all."
"Listen, Riddie," I said, "I know you can't tell the Monolithians without
a scorecard, they're so assimilable, but what the good hell is the
object of all this? For what greater gain is the tab being picked up?
What's the deal, old pal? Spill, will you?"
"You're too suspicious, Sam. This is conviviality rampant. We drink
and be merry and ask not the reason why. Live, man! Pluck the
daisies while you may. How is Mae, by the way?"
"Just fine," I said. "Just absolutely fine. That's an interesting
philosophy you have there, about plucking."
Riddie gave me a close look. "How many have you had, my friend?
How about a sandwich?"
"Don't worry," I told her. "I'm not going to disgrace anybody. I've had
three, is all." Besides miscounting I was ignoring the three I'd had at
lunch with Joy Linx.
"Well, maybe," Riddie said. She acknowledged a high sign from
somebody (an alien?) at the other side of the room and said quickly,
"Don't worry about a thing. If you have any problems, just take them
to Mox or Frij. Or me. I've got to run now, Sammy."
And she was off.
I made for the farther bar across the room, where I'd spotted Joy
Linx.
Joy had changed from her severe lunchtime suit into a low-cut black
satin which matched her hair and did all kinds of things for her figure.
I cannot tell a lie and say I hadn't noticed this figure heretofore, but
hadn't had the opportunity to notice it to such advantage. Bee-lining,
I reached her side.
"Your recent acquaintance presents his compliments," I said, "and
don't you look lovely."
Joy smiled hello and said, "You look just the same as at the
Algonquin, which is all one could ask. Do you know Mr. Masters? Mr.
Kent, formerly of World Wide—Mr. Masters of Hollywood and all
over."
Everybody knew Spookie Masters, the comedian, singer, dancer,
dramatic actor and husband of beautiful women.
"Not personally," I said, shaking hands, "but I'm a long-time fan. How
do you do."
"It's a pleasure, Kent," Masters said. "Joy tells me she's taken the
vows and joined the Martians. I envy her. Their coming is probably
the most exciting thing that's happened since the wheel."
"They're a pretty lively bunch, all right," I said. "I don't know where
it's all going to end, but it should be fun while it lasts."
"They sure beat the beatniks," Spookie Masters said, and I
remembered that he'd been on a beatnik and bongo drums kick for a
while. "I've got half a mind to take out a card myself. Who's the head
alien, Joy? Where do I get the poop?"
"I think you're pulling my leg, Spookie," she said ("Love to," he said),
"but if you're serious I'll speak to Frij. Just what is it you'd like to do?"
"Oh, just be an altar boy. Sit at the feet of the high priests and absorb
their philosophy. I did that in Tibet once and I've never got over it.
There's something more to life than chasing the old dollar. I've
learned that much."
This Spookie Masters was a pretty charming guy. He was about
forty, maybe five-feet-ten, and slender. Not handsome, but honest-
faced.
A sort of cult had grown up around him. Spookie Masters was more
than a million-a-year (net) entertainer. He was, to innumerable
moviegoers and TV fans, a way of life. They'd followed his career
from his beginning as a poor boy whose father had died in the
electric chair. They knew about his several marriages to, and
subsequent divorces from, some of the world's most glamorous
women. They'd followed his rise to fame and plunge to obscurity and
his comeback.
They knew about his coterie of big-name hangers-on, and they
parroted the group's own special language. They marveled that his
intimates and admirers included not only the mayor of a big city, the
head of the philosophy department of an Ivy League university, the
president of one of the world's biggest industries and the pretty sister
of a reigning queen, but that he also had plenty of time for people
who rode in subways and went to ball games and boxing matches.
Spookie usually dressed like a prince, but when the whim took him
he got into sport shirt, dungarees and sneakers and lounged through
the streets, keeping in touch, as it were, with the life he'd known
before fame struck. He'd browse in book stores, talk to panhandlers