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“This is the best family communication book on the market today, helping students to understand the role

Edition
Tenth
of communication in family life during the twenty-first century. The book continues to provide cutting-
edge research and theory in the field of family communication, making concepts understandable and
relevant to students by providing case studies and real-life first-person examples. I applaud the authors for
another outstanding edition of this fundamental and influential text.” Tenth Edition
–Michelle Miller-Day, Chapman University, USA

“What began as a trailblazing family communication text remains one to this day. Professors Galvin,
Braithwaite, Schrodt, and Bylund have crafted a student-focused program that honors the history of family
communication while pushing its boundaries. Anyone wanting to understand family dynamics better will
find this text to be of tremendous value.”

Cohesion and Change

–Kory Floyd, University of Arizona, USA

Family Communication: Cohesion and Change encourages students to think critically about family
interaction patterns and to analyze them using a variety of communication theories. Using a framework of
family functions, current research, and first-person narratives, this text emphasizes the diversity of today’s
families in structure, ethnic patterns, gender socialization, and developmental experiences.

New for the tenth edition are expanded pedagogical features to improve learning and retention, as well
as updates on current theory and research integrated throughout the chapters for timely analysis and
discussion. Cases and research featured in each chapter provide examples of concepts and themes, and
a companion website offers expanded resources for instructors and students.

Kathleen M. Galvin (Ph.D. Northwestern University) is a Professor of Communication Studies at Northwestern

University, USA. She has co-authored or edited nine books with multiple editions, as well as multiple
chapters and articles. She is one of the founders of the Family Communication Division of the National
Communication Association and was awarded NCA’s Becker Award for Distinguished Service.

Dawn O. Braithwaite (Ph.D. University of Minnesota) is Willa Cather Professor and Chair of Communication
at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, USA. Braithwaite has authored or edited five books and over 125
articles. She received the National Communication Association’s Bernard J. Brommel Award for Family
Communication and the Becker Award for service, was named 2014 Distinguished Scholar of Western
States Communication Association, and is a Past President of NCA.

Kathleen M. Galvin | Dawn O. Braithwaite

Paul Schrodt (Ph.D. University of Nebraska-Lincoln) is the Philip J. and Cheryl C. Burguières Professor in the
Department of Communication Studies at Texas Christian University, USA. He has published more than

Paul Schrodt | Carma L. Bylund

100 journal articles and book chapters, and is the recipient of the National Communication Association’s
Bernard J. Brommel Award for Family Communication and the Early Career Award in Interpersonal
Communication.

Carma L. Bylund (Ph.D. Northwestern University) is Associate Professor at the University of Florida, USA. She
is the author of 90 peer-reviewed journal articles and 20 book chapters, and co-edited the book Family
Communication About Genetics: Theory and Practice. Bylund is a fellow of the American Academy of
Communication in Healthcare.

COMMUNICATION
www.routledge.com/cw/galvin

Cover image: © Rawpixel.com/Shutterstock.com

ISBN 978-1-138-28527-9
Kathleen M. Galvin | Dawn O. Braithwaite
www.routledge.com

Routledge titles are available as eBook editions in a range of digital formats

9 781138 285279 Paul Schrodt | Carma L. Bylund
7446 FAMILY COMMUNICATION-PT [EB].qxp_7 3/8 x 9 1/4 ins 04/07/2018 10:12 Page vii

BRIEF CONTENTS

CHAPTER 1 What Is a Family? 1

CHAPTER 2 What Is Family Communication? 39

CHAPTER 3 Family Communication Theories 79

CHAPTER 4 Communication Patterns and the Creation of Family

Identity 106

CHAPTER 5 Relational Maintenance Within Families 145

CHAPTER 6 Intimacy Within Partnerships and Families 178

CHAPTER 7 Communication and Family Roles and

Types 215

CHAPTER 8 Power, Influence, and Decision-making in

Families 252

CHAPTER 9 Communication and Family Conflict 294

CHAPTER 10 Communication and Family Developmental

Stresses 345

CHAPTER 11 Family Communication and Unpredictable

Stress 394

CHAPTER 12 Family Communication and Well-Being 437

7446 FAMILY COMMUNICATION-PT [EB].qxp_7 3/8 x 9 1/4 ins 04/07/2018 10:12 Page ix

CONTENTS

Preface xiii
Acknowledgments xviii

CHAPTER 1 What Is a Family? 1

Our Framework for Understanding Family Communication 3
Defining Family 5
Understanding Family as a System 9
The State of the Contemporary Family 22
The New Normal Family 30
Conclusion 32
Discussion Questions 32
Key Words 32

CHAPTER 2 What Is Family Communication? 39

The Communication Process 42
Social Construction and Co-Creating Family Relationships 47
Communication Patterns and Processes That Affect Family
Outcomes 53
Supporting Functions Shaping Family Communication 62
Family of Origin Influences 68
Conclusion 73
Discussion Questions 74
Key Words 74

CHAPTER 3 Family Communication Theories 79

Communication Accommodation Theory 83
Communication Privacy Management Theory 86
Narrative Theory 89
Narrative Performance Theory 92
Relational Dialectics Theory 95
Conclusion 100
Discussion Questions 100
Key Words 101
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x CONTENTS

CHAPTER 4 Communication Patterns and the Creation

of Family Identity 106
Family Communication Forms and Relational Cultures 108
Family Communication Rules 111
Family Secrets 118
Family Communication Networks 124
Narratives and Storytelling 128
Conclusion 139
Discussion Questions 139
Key Words 140

CHAPTER 5 Relational Maintenance Within Families 145

Relational Maintenance in Different Family Relationships 147
Maintenance Through Confirmation 153
Maintenance Through Rituals 156
Maintenance Through Relational Currencies 164
Conclusion 172
Discussion Questions 172
Key Words 173

CHAPTER 6 Intimacy Within Partnerships and Families 178

Communicating Commitment 182
Self-Disclosure, Privacy Management, and Intimacy 185
Sexuality and Communication in Families 191
Intimacy Factors: Effort, Sacrifice, Forgiveness, and
Sanctification 200
Barriers to Intimacy 204
Maintaining Intimacy Across Diverse Family Forms 206
Conclusion 207
Discussion Questions 208
Key Words 208

CHAPTER 7 Communication and Family Roles and Types 215

Specific Role Functions and Family Responsibilities 218
How Family Members Learn, Adjust, and Relinquish
Family Roles 231
Communication in Different Types of Couples and
Families 239
Conclusion 245
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CONTENTS xi

Discussion Questions 245

Key Words 246

CHAPTER 8 Power, Influence, and Decision-Making in

Families 252
The Development and Communication of Power in Family
Relationships 254
Influence Strategies in Family Relationships 267
Decision-Making Processes in Family Relationships 273
Conclusion 287
Discussion Questions 287
Key Words 288

CHAPTER 9 Communication and Family Conflict 294

Family Conflict Is a Communication Process 297
Family Conflict Involves Patterns and Rules 310
Destructive Conflict in Family Relationships 319
Constructive Conflict in Family Relationships 329
Conclusion 335
Discussion Questions 336
Key Words 336

CHAPTER 10 Communication and Family Developmental

Stresses 345
Developmental Stage and Life-Course Approaches 348
Family Stages and Life-Course Interactions 354
Transitions Between Life Stages 383
Conclusion 385
Discussion Questions 385
Key Words 386

CHAPTER 11 Family Communication and Unpredictable

Stress 394
Unpredictable Stress and Family Coping Patterns 397
Communication and Specific Crises 408
Family Support and Communication 424
Conclusion 427
Discussion Questions 427
Key Words 428
xii CONTENTS

CHAPTER 12 Family Communication and Well-Being 437

Family Communication and Physical Well-Being 440
Difficult Family Conversations About Modern Issues 448
Approaches for Improving Family Communication 461
Final Thoughts on Family Communication 469
Conclusion 471
Discussion Questions 472
Key Words 472

Subject Index 481

Index of Author Names Cited in Text 489

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PREFACE

We are extremely pleased to be publishing the tenth edition of Family Communication:

Cohesion and Change. When Kathleen M. Galvin and Bernard J. Brommel published
the first edition 36 years ago, it was the first textbook to explore the family experience
from a communication perspective. At that time, very few communication classes
addressed the subject of family communication, and only a small number of com-
munication scholars were yet doing research in the area. Much of the background
information available for the early editions of the book came from family therapists,
academic psychologists, and sociologists. Things changed starting in the late 1980s
as family communication was becoming a distinct field of study. More classes
dedicated to family communication were beginning across the country and the
Family Communication Division was formed within the National Communication
Association.
The decisions to start new lines of research and create new college courses never
occur in a cultural vacuum. In fact, as the early editions of this book were written
in the 1980s, within U.S. American culture there were also significant changes
happening in family life. For example, the marriage rate started to decline, people
began marrying and having children later, if at all, and the divorce rate increased.
The number of inter-ethnic families was starting to rise, and gay and lesbian persons
began to “come out of the closet” and be more public about their sexual orientation.
There were also very public debates over the status of the family—for instance, there
was a highly publicized controversy when the Vice President of the United States
criticized a television program that depicted a successful woman willingly becoming
a single mother. By the 1990s, family communication research started to grow
exponentially.
From the very first edition, the definition of “family” that anchored the book
was broad and inclusive. This reflected a strong commitment to include families
with same-sex partners and ultimately other family forms, such as international
adoption and cohabiting families, that had not been included. Thus, from the first
edition the book included a definition of family as “networks of people who live
together over long periods of time bound by ties of marriage, blood, or commitment,
legal or otherwise.” If members consider themselves to be a family, we honor their
self-definition. Over the years, while the definition of family has been fleshed out,
this core principle remains.
As the twenty-first century began, the Journal of Family Communication published
its first issue and finally there was a research journal devoted to the breadth of
family communication scholarship. Communication scholars Dawn O. Braithwaite,
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xiv PREFACE

Elizabeth Suter, and Kory Floyd have tracked all of the family communication
studies authored by communication scholars since 1990. They reported 775 studies
published, with about 70% of these studies coming after 2004. This means there is
a wealth of recent information on which to build the content of our tenth edition
of this book. In addition, a number of important theories centered in family
communication began to develop over the same time period. At present, most com-
munication departments in colleges and universities now offer one or more courses
on family communication and several graduate programs have a specialty in family
communication.
The subject matter of family communication has progressed from the time our
book began as well. As work began on the first edition, communication in marriages
dominated the research agenda. Today, scholars address questions related to family
members’ interactions within a wide range of families and they study interactions
across the lifespan and within multiple cultures. Current scholars take a greater
focus on interaction within multiple family forms such as multi-ethnic, adoptive,
LGBTQ, single-parent, and stepfamilies, as you will see throughout this tenth
edition. You will also see that researchers use a variety of different quantitative,
qualitative, and critical research methodologies that have grown increasingly
sophisticated with each passing decade. As always, we cannot consume the news of
the day, visit social media, or spend time with our own families and escape the
questions, changes, challenges, and opportunities surrounding communication in
all aspects of family life.
The advances in family communication research and theory have dovetailed
with the development of the authorship team for Family Communication: Cohesion
and Change as well. The first edition was published by Kathleen M. Galvin of
Northwestern University and Bernard J. Brommel of Northeastern Illinois University
in 1982. Prior to that, Bernard Brommel had been a consultant on Kathleen Galvin
and Cassandra Book’s highly successful high school text Person to Person: An
Introduction to Speech Communication, and that book helped to move the contributions
of the communication discipline from a focus on public speaking to include inter-
personal communication. The interest in family communication was an important
next step and formed the goal of the first edition of Family Communication: Cohesion
and Change to move beyond the focus on dysfunctional family communication, and
to give teachers and students a way to understand and create functional and healthy
communication patterns. The book both supported teachers and students in those
early family communication classes and encouraged the development of more
courses across the country. Now in its tenth edition, the book has left its mark on
the field of communication.
Kathleen Galvin and Bernard Brommel collaborated on the first five editions
and Carma L. Bylund was added as a co-author for the next three editions. Dawn
O. Braithwaite joined Galvin and Bylund as the second author for the ninth edition
and Paul Schrodt has become part of the current authorship team for this tenth
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PREFACE xv

edition. This is Carma Bylund’s last edition due to her new commitments at the
University of Florida. We are deeply grateful for the contributions earlier authors
of the text brought to our understanding of family communication, just as we are
excited to see what the future holds as new authors join us.
Our basic premise remains constant over the years—to understand the role of
communication as family members co-create and transform family systems. Relying
on a range of theoretical perspectives, we examine the communication patterns
enacted within families to demonstrate how these patterns affect, and are affected
by, family life in the twenty-first century. Our objective remains to describe and
explain family communication processes rather than to prescribe how family
members should or should not communicate. Although it is tempting to want
advice on how best to communicate in families, we are well aware there are
multiple ways to interact and be a well-functioning family. Thus, we believe youwill
be in the best position to make choices about your own family communication
when you have in-depth and up-to-date information on family interaction
processes to help you make informed choices about what to do and say to be
a family.

FEATURES OF THE TENTH EDITION

A book project is always a work in progress. We are very delighted to have this book
now published by Routledge as they have an excellent specialization in family
communication with several books that serve scholars and students alike. We are
glad to join their team.
We have made numerous updates and changes in this tenth edition based on
detailed feedback from instructors using this book, as well as comments from our
students. Each chapter has been revised to keep pace with new research and changes
in the state of everyday family life. We updated the format of each chapter, starting
with an overview of the major themes of each chapter and converting the citations
of the research literature to endnotes at the conclusion of each chapter. We hope
you find, as we do, that this makes the book more readable for students and
instructors. You will find key terms bolded and listed at the end of each chapter, as
well as other important concepts and definitions highlighted in italics. In this way, we
hope that you will be able to locate and pay attention to this important information
in each chapter.
To help you understand and apply the latest research and theory, we begin each
chapter with two case studies and throughout the text we present real-life first person
examples. These examples come from our students, friends, and family members
(with the names changed) to help ground the theory and research in real-life
experiences. As you read the book, we ask you to compare these cases and examples
to your own family life. New to this tenth edition, we have added a “Family Matters”
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xvi PREFACE

box to each chapter that summarizes the results of one research study in greater
depth to highlight the theme of that chapter.
As in the earlier versions of the book, the first three chapters establish the
theoretical foundations of the text. We have made significant updates to these
chapters. In Chapter 1, we present an introduction to family communication and
how we define a family, highlight the family as an interdependent, interactive
system, and present a rearranged and updated overview of the current state of the
family. In Chapter 2, we talk about family communication as a transactional process
and then present two main perspectives on family communication that we develop
throughout the book: family communication as social construction and co-creating
discourse-dependent family relationships, and also as communication patterns and
processes that affect family outcomes, including an expanded discussion of the
circumplex model and the new addition of family communication patterns theory.
We discuss supporting functions of the family of origin that influence life in family
systems. In Chapter 3, we expand the discussion of what a family communication
theory does and then present five family communication theories in greater depth.
We added a new theory to the book—communication accommodation theory—in
addition to updating our discussions of communication privacy management theory,
narrative theory, narrative performance theory, and relational dialectics theory.
In Chapters 4 through 12, we continue to present major themes and trends that
we believe are most central to an understanding of communication in family
systems. We updated each chapter with new research findings, and throughout we
paid special attention to highlighting issues of family diversity and the effects of
technology and social media on the contemporary family.
In Chapter 4, we explore family communication patterns and the creation of
family identity, including more depth on how a systems perspective, social
constructionism, and the narrative theories discussed in the first three chapters
influence how family members interact and manage their everyday lives and
construct their collective identity. In Chapter 5, we focus on how families com-
municate to maintain their relationships and family system, both in their everyday
interactions and via specific strategies of confirmation, respect, rituals, and relational
currencies to keep relationships prospering. In Chapter 6, we center on communi-
cation to establish and alter intimacy in family systems, focusing on disclosure,
sexual communication, and other factors that influence intimate relationships.
We focus on communication and forgiveness and explore overcoming barriers to
intimacy.
In Chapter 7, we discuss five essential family functions that serve as the basis
for family roles, as well as how roles are appropriated within families via family
members’ role expectations, role enactments, and role negotiations. We then discuss
how couple and family typologies provide useful tools for researchers and
practitioners in their efforts to render family members’ interactions more
understandable and predictable.
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PREFACE xvii

In Chapter 8, we look at how individuals develop and communicate power in

their family relationships, and discuss different influence strategies and decision-
making processes. After identifying five power bases, we explore factors that shape
the kinds of influence strategies that family members use, as well as three broad
types of decision-making processes in family systems.
In Chapter 9, we discuss five different conflict management styles, describe
stages of ongoing conflict in family systems, and examine constructive behaviors
that should help families communicate and manage conflict more effectively.
In Chapter 10, we cover family communication and stress across different stages
of the lifespan with a greater focus on how family members interact and co-create
relational meanings. Throughout our discussion of stresses across different life
stages, we focus on the central role of communication in understanding how family
members experience, understand, and adapt to change.
In Chapter 11, we take a special focus on expected stress and how families
communicate and cope with stress across a number of different crises they may face.
Finally, in Chapter 12, we talk about family communication rules and difficult
conversations about health and physical well-being. We also summarize research
about new technologies that present opportunities and challenges for family
communication and physical and mental health and well-being.

INSTRUCTOR AND STUDENT RESOURCES

New to this edition, we invited family communication scholar Kelly Rossetto of

Boise State University to develop online ancillary materials to support the work of
instructors and students. We are indebted to Kelly Rossetto for the outstanding
tools that you can use to enhance your use of the text. You will find these in the
companion website at www.routledge.com/9780205945238
7446 FAMILY COMMUNICATION-PT [EB].qxp_7 3/8 x 9 1/4 ins 04/07/2018 11:22 Page xviii

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

We want to express appreciation to the Routledge editors and editorial staff,

specifically Laura Briskman, Nicole Solano, and Nicole Salazar. We thank our
insightful reviewers who provided thoughtful feedback on the last edition and
helped crystalize our planning for the tenth edition. First, we asked Kristen Carr of
Texas Christian University, Colleen Warner Colaner of the University of Missouri-
Columbia, and Kelly Rossetto of Boise State University to keep weekly logs across
an entire semester as they used the previous edition. We are grateful for their
detailed feedback and vibrant ideas. Second, Routledge commissioned reviews of
the book by Karen L. Daas, Lisa Menegatos, and Margaret A. Wills and we appreciate
their thoughts and suggestions.
We appreciate the assistance of Lisa Hurwitz of Northwestern University and
Esther Liu of Wheaton College on several chapters. We are most grateful to Heather
Voorhees of the University of Nebraska-Lincoln for her very substantive and skillful
support and editing work on this tenth edition and Carol Tschampl-Diesing of the
University of Nebraska-Lincoln for proofreading assistance.
Our own family lives have changed significantly over the past decades, a
reality that continually teaches us the importance of studying and understanding
family communication. We are grateful to our own family members, related to us
by biological, legal, and discursive ties, and appreciate their patience, support, and
unwitting contributions to some of the examples in the book. Through our ongoing
interactions with our students, who stimulate and challenge our thinking, and
through our own research projects, we continue to learn firsthand about family
interaction patterns in multiple contexts. As each year passes, we learn more what
it means to function as members of complex family systems.
We hope that you will also be captured by the importance and complexity of
family communication and that you will find the study of family interactions to be
a relevant, thought-provoking and meaningful experience.
Kathleen M. Galvin
Northwestern University
Dawn O. Braithwaite
University of Nebraska-Lincoln
Paul Schrodt
Texas Christian University
Carma L. Bylund
University of Florida
7446 FAMILY COMMUNICATION-PT [EB].qxp_7 3/8 x 9 1/4 ins 04/07/2018 10:12 Page 1

CHAPTER 1

What Is a Family?

CHAPTER PREVIEW

1. Our Framework for Understanding Family Communication

2. Defining Family

3. Understanding Family as a System

4. The State of the Contemporary Family

5. The New Normal Family

NEW FAMILY TIES

Staci and Mike married soon after he returned from combat in Operation Desert
Storm. Mike was ten years older than Staci and uncertain about fatherhood. She
persuaded him that children would bring joy and meaning to their lives and he
reluctantly agreed to her dreams of having children. Soon after the marriage, Angela
was born, followed quickly by Gwen. At this time, Mike was struggling with
uncertainty about his career path and confronting periods of severe depression and
post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Within two years, he asked Staci for a divorce,
citing her complete devotion to the girls and distance from him, as well as his need
for independence.
After two years of being single, Staci started to date Adam, a colleague at work
who had never married. Six months later, Staci and the girls moved in with Adam.
Mike seldom contacted his daughters, who quickly became attached to Adam and
his extended family; they felt like a real family for the first time. Staci and Adam
worked long hours, her career flourished, and she moved quickly up the corporate
ladder. After two years of living together, Adam proposed, indicating how much he
loved Staci and the girls and how he anticipated adding more children to their lives.
1
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2 WHAT IS A FAMILY?

He was devastated to hear that Staci had no interest in having more children and,
although they tried to continue their living arrangement, Adam’s pressured pleas
“for children of his own” led Staci to announce that she and the girls were leaving.
The girls were distraught at losing Adam and, although he tried to maintain contact,
Staci discouraged the girls from seeing him.
After six years of career success and struggles as a single parent, Staci married
Angelo, a widower with two grown sons, whom she met online. Angelo is considerate
of the girls but is mostly distant from them. It is clear to Staci and her daughters
that he is looking forward to the time they will leave home so he and their mother
can begin a life with just the two of them.

GOALS AND FINANCES

Last week, Lacy’s boss announced a company-wide cutback in hours and selected
benefits due to poor sales figures and the faltering economy. Lacy feels like she has
been punched in the stomach. As a 27-year-old wife and mother of her autistic son,
Sean, Lacy is also providing economic support for her mother, who suffers from
multiple sclerosis. Any drop in income will create major challenges for Lacy and her
family. Lacy’s husband, Will, has a position at a local factory that pays less than
her income, but both incomes are necessary to keep the family afloat.
On top of the income loss, Lacy’s company dropped the tuition benefit she has
been using to take classes at the local community college to become a registered
nurse in respiration therapy. Lacy has four more classes to complete before finishing
the program and starting on a new career track that pays better. Graduation would
represent a major life milestone as she has been struggling to complete the program
for five years, attempting to balance Sean’s needs and therapy, her work, mother-
hood, home, and school, with little support.
Thankfully, Lacy has her godmother, Belle, in her life. Belle is Lacy’s best friend
from the little town where they grew up in a neighboring state. Belle is like an aunt
to Lacy and served as a support and sounding board for her as she grew up. Whenever
things piled up, Lacy knew she could count on Belle to talk her through the problem
and give her practical advice. Lacy had a long chat with Belle today via Skype to
pour out her problems. After two hours of talking, Lacy feels better and now has
some website links for government-supported tuition and loan programs that might
allow her to finish her education and be in a better position to help her family.
Family life is a profound and central aspect of being human, yet no two people
share the exact same experience, in part because of the unique communication
patterns that emerge in each family system. Even when we share the same family,
each of us has our own reactions to family experiences, as you can see in the first
case above, which highlights the different ways that Staci and her different partners
over the years conceptualize what they want in a family. Because family is such a
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WHAT IS A FAMILY? 3

powerful influence in our lives, our goal in this book is to examine family interaction
and relationships to better understand ourselves and our own family experiences.
As you read this book, we want you to ponder how family communication patterns
serve to build, reflect, and change your family experience. Through communication,
we co-create our families, just as we are co-created by interaction in our families.
As you read this book, you will encounter some content about which you
have expertise because you have spent your life in a particular type (or types) of
family arrangement. Yet, because you have lived in only one or a small number
of family structures, your direct experience is limited compared to the range of
potential family experiences. Your reading and personal reflections should expand
your understanding of the diversity of family life experience and family communica-
tion. In this opening chapter, first we will explore our framework for understanding
family communication. Second, we will discuss how we are defining a family. Third,
we will talk about understanding the family as a system. Fourth, we will overview
the state of the contemporary family. Last, we will reflect on family functions and
“the new normal” for family communication.

OUR FRAMEWORK FOR UNDERSTANDING FAMILY

COMMUNICATION

Throughout this book, you will see a framework for understanding families based
on two guiding principles. First, we highlight the family as a system of interconnected
relationships, which we detail in Chapter 1. Second, we see communication as the
primary way families develop, create, maintain, and alter identity. One of your authors,
Kathleen Galvin, explains that contemporary families are discourse dependent,1
meaning they rely on communication to create and define themselves over the life
course, which we will discuss fully in Chapter 2. Keep these two guiding principles
in mind as you read the book.

Overview of the Book

Once we better understand family systems and family communication in Chapters
1 and 2, in Chapter 3 we highlight a number of family communication theories,
which are practical tools to help us understand, function within, and bring about
change in families. In Chapters 4–12, we cover important communication processes
that create and guide family life. Our goal throughout the book is to help you
understand and apply what you learn about communication dynamics to your own
family or others’ family experiences. Within each chapter, you will find a box
labeled “Family Matters,” which will summarize one relevant family communication
study in more depth. We end each chapter with Discussion Questions and a list of
Key Words that you will find bold-headed and defined throughout the book.
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4 WHAT IS A FAMILY?

You will find two case studies at the beginning of each chapter and short, first-
person family communication examples that were written or suggested by the real
experiences of our students and friends. We have, of course, changed the names of
the characters to provide anonymity. With all of the examples throughout the
book, we encourage you to put yourself in the characters’ situations and apply
family communication concepts to your own family or to families you know. Some
of the examples will remind you specifically of your own family experiences, whereas
others will seem quite different from your own background. We hope these narratives
demonstrate the diversity and complexity of today’s families and the multiple ways
to communicate and live a functional family life, as in the following example:

I guess you could say I’ve had three “moms” and two-and-a-half “dads.” My parents
divorced when my twin brother and I were about 3 years old. My dad remarried and,
after two more sons, got divorced again. Then, he remarried and now I have a baby
sister young enough to be my daughter. My mom remarried and got divorced again
when we were about 7. The “half-father” that we had was a man who lived with us
for 10 years, who recently moved out at my mother’s request. The reason my brother
and I are still sane is because our mom and dad have always remained friends. We
were never treated like pawns in the middle of a battle.

Core Beliefs About Families

All of the authors of this book are family communication teachers, researchers, and,
of course, family members ourselves. We hold certain basic beliefs that undergird
our writings. Like you, our own personal backgrounds have given us particular
perspectives that affect how we view families and their communication patterns.
To follow, we share eight core beliefs about families to establish a context for
understanding how we approached writing this book:

1. There are many ways to be a family. Family life is as diverse as the persons who
make up families. The “perfect” family does not exist.
2. Each family must work, and at times struggle, to create its own identity as it
experiences good and stressful times over many years. All family systems are
influenced by the larger context in which they exist.
3. Through communication, we construct and reflect family relationships. In
words and actions, individuals define their identities and negotiate their
relationships with other family members and with the rest of the world. In
addition, talk serves to indicate the state of family relationships to family
members and, sometimes, to others.
4. Communication is the process by which family members create and share their
meanings with each other in unique relational cultures.
7446 FAMILY COMMUNICATION-PT [EB].qxp_7 3/8 x 9 1/4 ins 04/07/2018 10:12 Page 5

WHAT IS A FAMILY? 5

5. Families interact and socialize members to their underlying values and beliefs
about significant life issues, such as gender, health, love, and religion, to name
a few.
6. Families involve multigenerational communication patterns. Members are
influenced by the patterns of previous generations even as they create their
own patterns, which, in turn, influence future generations.
7. Families reflect cultural communication patterns. Racial and ethnic backgrounds,
as well as other significant in-group memberships, influence choices concerning
family beliefs, values, and expectations for behavior, all of which affect the
current family experience and future generations, unless they are consciously
altered.
8. In well-functioning families, members work at understanding and negotiating
their communication patterns; they recognize that developing and maintaining
relationships takes effort. Family systems have the capacity to adapt, create
connections, and manage conflict. In the best of circumstances, families seek
to communicate most effectively and productively.

You will notice throughout the book that we avoid presenting prescriptive
“how-to” advice and simple solutions for family problems. Rather, we seek to
introduce you to the diverse world of families and their complex communication
patterns. We believe the ideas and examples presented will help you sharpen your
own observational and analytical skills to be able to make wise choices about how
to communicate and navigate the complexities of life in your family. Families
develop a relational culture, which is a shared set of meanings, expectations, and
rules for interaction that contributes to creating a relatively unique communication
system.2 Our goal is that you understand your own relational culture more fully.
We hope your increased understanding of family communication will give you
greater appreciation for the complexities and variations inherent in today’s diverse
family forms, which encompass a breadth of family systems and social structures.
Finally, we hope you will find the study of family communication as fascinating
and challenging as we do. In the end, we invite you to read these pages with your
heart as well as your head.

DEFINING FAMILY

Before we explore the family as a system and the central role of communication in
creating and enacting family relationships, we must define what a family is. First,
we want you to think about what family means to you. When we teach our own
family communication classes, at the start of the term, we often ask the students
to write their own definition of a family. Stop and take a minute to write your own
definition right now.
7446 FAMILY COMMUNICATION-PT [EB].qxp_7 3/8 x 9 1/4 ins 04/07/2018 10:12 Page 6

6 WHAT IS A FAMILY?

If you share your definition of a family with others, you may be surprised to
learn that your definition likely has some parts in common with others, but may
diverge in some important ways. For example, would your definition have room for
thinking about a person who is not a blood or legal relative, like Lacy’s “aunt” Belle
in the second case at the start of this chapter? Would you consider cohabiting
romantic partners to be a family? Are married couples without children a family?
Would you include a beloved dog as part of the family? Reaching agreement on the
meaning of family may present a greater challenge than you might suspect. In the
end, defining who is and is not family will involve some very important choices in
your life. In short, no single definition of the term family exists. We might think
about families as persons who have biological (blood, birth) and/or legal ties (such
as marriage), but that would be quite limited for many families. If we only thought
about family in terms of biological and legal ties, we would be ignoring other
important family relationships: for example, a family formed around a cohabiting,
unmarried couple and their close friends, who support each other and periodically
live together over several decades.
Even today, public debate persists about what a family actually is and who
should be included as family: We see discussions about disintegration of the family
or calls for a return to traditional family values. The problem is that a singular, U.S.
American family does not exist. Family historian Tamara Harevan expressed her
concern with the notion of the idealized family, claiming that U.S. society always
has contained “great diversities in family types and family behavior that were
associated with the recurring entrance of new immigrant groups into American
society”.3 Likewise, family scholar Stephanie Coontz explained that most Americans
move in and out of a variety of family experiences across their lifetimes.4 The
idealized view of the American family, as one we need to return to, never existed
in the first place.
We know that factors such as race and ethnicity, sexual orientation, finances,
geographic location, and educational levels affect the different paths families take.5
Although families may change in size and shape over the course of their lifespan,
throughout these changes, we continue to recognize them as families.6 In the end,
you might think that the definition of family is just an academic exercise, but it is
much more than that. For example, after the 9–11 destruction of the World Trade
Center, there were difficult decisions made about who would be entitled to family/
survivor benefits.7 Over your lifetime, you will also likely need to make choices
about who you consider to be family and not. For example, is the biological child
of your sister’s longtime cohabiting partner family to you? If you are in a stepfamily
and your father divorces, are the stepbrothers you lived with for a time still family?
As we consider how to define a family, we can look at a number of factors. For
example, some scholars stress that all families have a sense of relatedness in
common.8 So, rather than define a family around biological or legal ties, perhaps it
makes more sense to define them around how they function—what they do, or how
Another random document with
no related content on Scribd:
"It's snowing still," said Eeyore gloomily.
"So it is."
"And freezing."
"Is it?"
"Yes," said Eeyore. "However," he said, brightening up a little, "we
haven't had an earthquake lately."
"What's the matter, Eeyore?"
"Nothing, Christopher Robin. Nothing important. I suppose you
haven't seen a house or what-not anywhere about?"
"What sort of a house?"
"Just a house."
"Who lives there?"
"I do. At least I thought I did. But I suppose I don't. After all, we can't
all have houses."
"But, Eeyore, I didn't know—I always thought——"
"I don't know how it is, Christopher Robin, but what with all this snow
and one thing and another, not to mention icicles and such-like, it isn't
so Hot in my field about three o'clock in the morning as some people
think it is. It isn't Close, if you know what I mean—not so as to be
uncomfortable. It isn't Stuffy. In fact, Christopher Robin," he went on
in a loud whisper, "quite-between-ourselves-and-don't-tell-anybody,
it's Cold."
"Oh, Eeyore!"
"And I said to myself: The others will be sorry if I'm getting myself all
cold. They haven't got Brains, any of them, only grey fluff that's blown
into their heads by mistake, and they don't Think, but if it goes on
snowing for another six weeks or so, one of them will begin to say to
himself: 'Eeyore can't be so very much too Hot about three o'clock in
the morning.' And then it will Get About. And they'll be Sorry."
"Oh, Eeyore!" said Christopher Robin, feeling very sorry already.
"I don't mean you, Christopher Robin. You're different. So what it all
comes to is that I built myself a house down by my little wood."
"Did you really? How exciting!"
"The really exciting part," said Eeyore in his most melancholy voice,
"is that when I left it this morning it was there, and when I came back
it wasn't. Not at all, very natural, and it was only Eeyore's house. But
still I just wondered."
Christopher Robin didn't stop to wonder. He was already back in his
house, putting on his waterproof hat, his waterproof boots and his
waterproof macintosh as fast as he could.
"We'll go and look for it at once," he called out to Eeyore.
"Sometimes," said Eeyore, "when people have quite finished taking a
person's house, there are one or two bits which they don't want and
are rather glad for the person to take back, if you know what I mean.
So I thought if we just went——"
"Come on," said Christopher Robin, and off they hurried, and in a
very little time they got to the corner of the field by the side of the
pine-wood, where Eeyore's house wasn't any longer.
"There!" said Eeyore. "Not a stick of it left! Of course, I've still got all
this snow to do what I like with. One mustn't complain."
But Christopher Robin wasn't listening to Eeyore, he was listening to
something else.
"Can't you hear it?" he asked.
"What is it? Somebody laughing?"
"Listen."
They both listened ... and they heard a deep gruff voice saying in a
singing voice that the more it snowed the more it went on snowing,
and a small high voice tiddely-pomming in between.
"It's Pooh," said Christopher Robin excitedly....
"Possibly," said Eeyore.
"And Piglet!" said Christopher Robin excitedly.
"Probably," said Eeyore. "What we want is a Trained Bloodhound."
The words of the song changed suddenly.
"We've finished our HOUSE!" sang the gruff voice.
"Tiddely pom!" sang the squeaky one.
"It's a beautiful HOUSE...."
"Tiddely pom...."
"I wish it were MINE...."
"Tiddely pom...."
"Pooh!" shouted Christopher Robin....
The singers on the gate stopped suddenly.
"It's Christopher Robin!" said Pooh eagerly.
"He's round by the place where we got all those sticks from," said
Piglet.
"Come on," said Pooh.
They climbed down their gate and hurried round the corner of the
wood, Pooh making welcoming noises all the way.
"Why, here is Eeyore," said Pooh, when he had finished hugging
Christopher Robin, and he nudged Piglet, and Piglet nudged him, and
they thought to themselves what a lovely surprise they had got ready.
"Hallo, Eeyore."
"Same to you, Pooh Bear, and twice on Thursdays," said Eeyore
gloomily.
Before Pooh could say: "Why Thursdays?" Christopher Robin began
to explain the sad story of Eeyore's Lost House. And Pooh and Piglet
listened, and their eyes seemed to get bigger and bigger.
"Where did you say it was?" asked Pooh.
"Just here," said Eeyore.
"Made of sticks?"
"Yes."
"Oh!" said Piglet.
"What?" said Eeyore.
"I just said 'Oh!'" said Piglet nervously. And so as to seem quite at
ease he hummed Tiddely-pom once or twice in a what-shall-we-do-
now kind of way.
"You're sure it was a house?" said Pooh. "I mean, you're sure the
house was just here?"
"Of course I am," said Eeyore. And he murmured to himself, "No
brain at all some of them."
"Why, what's the matter, Pooh?" asked Christopher Robin.
"Well," said Pooh.... "The fact is," said Pooh.... "Well, the fact is," said
Pooh.... "You see," said Pooh.... "It's like this," said Pooh, and
something seemed to tell him that he wasn't explaining very well, and
he nudged Piglet again.
"It's like this," said Piglet quickly.... "Only warmer," he added after
deep thought.
"What's warmer?"
"The other side of the wood, where Eeyore's house is."
"My house?" said Eeyore. "My house was here."
"No," said Piglet firmly. "The other side of the wood."
"Because of being warmer," said Pooh.
"But I ought to know——"
"Come and look," said Piglet simply, and he led the way.
"There wouldn't be two houses," said Pooh. "Not so close together."
They came round the corner, and there was Eeyore's house, looking
as comfy as anything.
"There you are," said Piglet.
"Inside as well as outside," said Pooh proudly.
Eeyore went inside ... and came out again.
"It's a remarkable thing," he said. "It is my house, and I built it where I
said I did, so the wind must have blown it here. And the wind blew it
right over the wood, and blew it down here, and here it is as good as
ever. In fact, better in places."
"Much better," said Pooh and Piglet together.
"It just shows what can be done by taking a little trouble," said
Eeyore. "Do you see, Pooh? Do you see, Piglet? Brains first and then
Hard Work. Look at it! That's the way to build a house," said Eeyore
proudly.

So they left him in it; and Christopher Robin went back to lunch with
his friends Pooh and Piglet, and on the way they told him of the Awful
Mistake they had made. And when he had finished laughing, they all
sang the Outdoor Song for Snowy Weather the rest of the way home,
Piglet, who was still not quite sure of his voice, putting in the tiddely-
poms again.
"And I know it seems easy," said Piglet to himself, "but it isn't every
one who could do it."

CHAPTER II
IN WHICH Tigger Comes to the Forest and Has Breakfast
Winnie-the-pooh woke up suddenly in the middle of the night and
listened. Then he got out of bed, and lit his candle, and stumped
across the room to see if anybody was trying to get into his honey-
cupboard, and they weren't, so he stumped back again, blew out his
candle, and got into bed. Then he heard the noise again.
"Is that you, Piglet?" he said.
But it wasn't.
"Come in, Christopher Robin," he said.
But Christopher Robin didn't.
"Tell me about it tomorrow, Eeyore," said Pooh sleepily.
But the noise went on.
"Worraworraworraworraworra," said Whatever-it-was, and Pooh
found that he wasn't asleep after all.
"What can it be?" he thought. "There are lots of noises in the Forest,
but this is a different one. It isn't a growl, and it isn't a purr, and it isn't
a bark, and it isn't the noise-you-make-before-beginning-a-piece-of-
poetry, but it's a noise of some kind, made by a strange animal. And
he's making it outside my door. So I shall get up and ask him not to
do it."
He got out of bed and opened his front door.
"Hallo!" said Pooh, in case there was anything outside.
"Hallo!" said Whatever-it-was.
"Oh!" said Pooh. "Hallo!"
"Hallo!"
"Oh, there you are!" said Pooh. "Hallo!"
"Hallo!" said the Strange Animal, wondering how long this was going
on.
Pooh was just going to say "Hallo!" for the fourth time when he
thought that he wouldn't, so he said: "Who is it?" instead.
"Me," said a voice.
"Oh!" said Pooh. "Well, come here."
So Whatever-it-was came here, and in the light of the candle he and
Pooh looked at each other.
"I'm Pooh," said Pooh.
"I'm Tigger," said Tigger.
"Oh!" said Pooh, for he had never seen an animal like this before.
"Does Christopher Robin know about you?"
"Of course he does," said Tigger.
"Well," said Pooh, "it's the middle of the night, which is a good time
for going to sleep. And tomorrow morning we'll have some honey for
breakfast. Do Tiggers like honey?"
"They like everything," said Tigger cheerfully.
"Then if they like going to sleep on the floor, I'll go back to bed," said
Pooh, "and we'll do things in the morning. Good night." And he got
back into bed and went fast asleep.
When he awoke in the morning, the first thing he saw was Tigger,
sitting in front of the glass and looking at himself.
"Hallo!" said Pooh.
"Hallo!" said Tigger. "I've found somebody just like me. I thought I was
the only one of them."
Pooh got out of bed, and began to explain what a looking-glass was,
but just as he was getting to the interesting part, Tigger said:
"Excuse me a moment, but there's something climbing up your table,"
and with one loud Worraworraworraworraworra he jumped at the end
of the tablecloth, pulled it to the ground, wrapped himself up in it three
times, rolled to the other end of the room, and, after a terrible
struggle, got his head into the daylight again, and said cheerfully:
"Have I won?"
"That's my tablecloth," said Pooh, as he began to unwind Tigger.
"I wondered what it was," said Tigger.
"It goes on the table and you put things on it."
"Then why did it try to bite me when I wasn't looking?"
"I don't think it did," said Pooh.
"It tried," said Tigger, "but I was too quick for it."

Pooh put the cloth back on the table, and he put a large honey-pot on
the cloth, and they sat down to breakfast. And as soon as they sat
down, Tigger took a large mouthful of honey ... and he looked up at
the ceiling with his head on one side, and made exploring noises with
his tongue and considering noises, and what-have-we-got-here
noises ... and then he said in a very decided voice:
"Tiggers don't like honey."
"Oh!" said Pooh, and tried to make it sound Sad and Regretful. "I
thought they liked everything."
"Everything except honey," said Tigger.
Pooh felt rather pleased about this, and said that, as soon as he had
finished his own breakfast, he would take Tigger round to Piglet's
house, and Tigger could try some of Piglet's haycorns.
"Thank you, Pooh," said Tigger, "because haycorns is really what
Tiggers like best."
So after breakfast they went round to see Piglet, and Pooh explained
as they went that Piglet was a Very Small Animal who didn't like
bouncing, and asked Tigger not to be too Bouncy just at first. And
Tigger, who had been hiding behind trees and jumping out on Pooh's
shadow when it wasn't looking, said that Tiggers were only bouncy
before breakfast, and that as soon as they had had a few haycorns
they became Quiet and Refined. So by and by they knocked at the
door of Piglet's house.
"Hallo, Pooh," said Piglet.
"Hallo, Piglet. This is Tigger."
"Oh, is it?" said Piglet, and he edged round to the other side of the
table. "I thought Tiggers were smaller than that."
"Not the big ones," said Tigger.
"They like haycorns," said Pooh, "so that's what we've come for,
because poor Tigger hasn't had any breakfast yet."
Piglet pushed the bowl of haycorns towards Tigger, and said: "Help
yourself," and then he got close up to Pooh and felt much braver, and
said, "So you're Tigger? Well, well!" in a careless sort of voice. But
Tigger said nothing because his mouth was full of haycorns....
After a long munching noise he said:
"Ee-ers o i a-ors."
And when Pooh and Piglet said "What?" he said "Skoos ee," and
went outside for a moment.
When he came back he said firmly:
"Tiggers don't like haycorns."
"But you said they liked everything except honey," said Pooh.
"Everything except honey and haycorns," explained Tigger.
When he heard this Pooh said, "Oh, I see!" and Piglet, who was
rather glad that Tiggers didn't like haycorns, said, "What about
thistles?"
"Thistles," said Tigger, "is what Tiggers like best."
"Then let's go along and see Eeyore," said Piglet.
So the three of them went; and after they had walked and walked and
walked, they came to the part of the Forest where Eeyore was.
"Hallo, Eeyore!" said Pooh. "This is Tigger."
"What is?" said Eeyore.
"This," explained Pooh and Piglet together, and Tigger smiled his
happiest smile and said nothing.
Eeyore walked all round Tigger one way, and then turned and walked
all round him the other way.
"What did you say it was?" he asked.
"Tigger."
"Ah!" said Eeyore.
"He's just come," explained Piglet.
"Ah!" said Eeyore again.
He thought for a long time and then said:
"When is he going?"
Pooh explained to Eeyore that Tigger was a great friend of
Christopher Robin's, who had come to stay in the Forest, and Piglet
explained to Tigger that he mustn't mind what Eeyore said because
he was always gloomy; and Eeyore explained to Piglet that, on the
contrary, he was feeling particularly cheerful this morning; and Tigger
explained to anybody who was listening that he hadn't had any
breakfast yet.
"I knew there was something," said Pooh. "Tiggers always eat
thistles, so that was why we came to see you, Eeyore."
"Don't mention it, Pooh."
"Oh, Eeyore, I didn't mean that I didn't want to see you——"
"Quite—quite. But your new stripy friend—naturally, he wants his
breakfast. What did you say his name was?"
"Tigger."
"Then come this way, Tigger."
Eeyore led the way to the most thistly-looking patch of thistles that
ever was, and waved a hoof at it.
"A little patch I was keeping for my birthday," he said; "but, after all,
what are birthdays? Here today and gone tomorrow. Help yourself,
Tigger."
Tigger thanked him and looked a little anxiously at Pooh.
"Are these really thistles?" he whispered.
"Yes," said Pooh.
"What Tiggers like best?"
"That's right," said Pooh.
"I see," said Tigger.
So he took a large mouthful, and he gave a large crunch.
"Ow!" said Tigger.
He sat down and put his paw in his mouth.

"What's the matter?" asked Pooh.

"Hot!" mumbled Tigger.
"Your friend," said Eeyore, "appears to have bitten on a bee."
Pooh's friend stopped shaking his head to get the prickles out, and
explained that Tiggers didn't like thistles.
"Then why bend a perfectly good one?" asked Eeyore.
"But you said," began Pooh—"you said that Tiggers liked everything
except honey and haycorns."
"And thistles," said Tigger, who was now running round in circles with
his tongue hanging out.
Pooh looked at him sadly.
"What are we going to do?" he asked Piglet.
Piglet knew the answer to that, and he said at once that they must go
and see Christopher Robin.
"You'll find him with Kanga," said Eeyore. He came close to Pooh,
and said in a loud whisper:
"Could you ask your friend to do his exercises somewhere else? I
shall be having lunch directly, and don't want it bounced on just
before I begin. A trifling matter, and fussy of me, but we all have our
little ways."
Pooh nodded solemnly and called to Tigger.
"Come along and we'll go and see Kanga. She's sure to have lots of
breakfast for you."
Tigger finished his last circle and came up to Pooh and Piglet.
"Hot!" he explained with a large and friendly smile. "Come on!" and he
rushed off.
Pooh and Piglet walked slowly after him. And as they walked Piglet
said nothing, because he couldn't think of anything, and Pooh said
nothing, because he was thinking of a poem. And when he had
thought of it he began:

What shall we do about poor little Tigger?

If he never eats nothing he'll never get bigger.
He doesn't like honey and haycorns and thistles
Because of the taste and because of the bristles.
And all the good things which an animal likes
Have the wrong sort of swallow or too many spikes.

"He's quite big enough anyhow," said Piglet.

"He isn't really very big."