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Schweitzer
Wood
Everyday encounters
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Edition
canadian
fifth
ISBN-13: 978-0-17-658400-9
ISBN-10: 0-17-658400-5
9 780176 584009
www.nelson.com
Brief Table of Contents
NEL v
Table of Contents
vi NEL
Culture 82 Symbols Allow Hypothetical Thought 140
Roles 83 Symbols Allow Self-Reflection 141
Cognitive Abilities 84 Speech Communities 142
Self 85 Gender Speech Communities 143
Guidelines for Improving Perception and Guidelines for Improving Verbal
Communication 87 Communication 146
Recognize That All Perceptions Are Partial and Engage in Dual Perspective 146
Subjective 87 Own Your Feelings and Thoughts 147
Avoid Mind-Reading 87 Respect What Others Say About Their Feelings
Check Perceptions with Others 88 and Thoughts 148
Distinguish Between Facts and Inferences 89 Strive for Accuracy and Clarity 149
Guard Against the Self-Serving Bias 90
Guard Against the Fundamental Attribution Error 91
Chapter Summary 152
Monitor Labels 92
Chapter Summary 93 Chapter 6
Nonverbal Communication 154
Chapter 4 Defining Nonverbal Communication 155
Emotions and Communication 95 Similarities Between Verbal and Nonverbal
Communication 156
Emotions 96 Differences between Verbal and Nonverbal
Emotional Intelligence 96 Communication 157
Understanding Emotions 97 Principles of Nonverbal Communication 158
Physiological Influences on Emotions 100 Nonverbal Communication May Supplement
Perceptual Influences on Emotions 100 or Replace Verbal Communication 158
Social Influences on Emotions 102 Nonverbal Communication May Regulate
Obstacles to the Effective Communication Interaction 158
of Emotions 108 Nonverbal Communication Often Establishes
Reasons We May Not Express Emotions 109 Relationship-Level Meanings 160
Ineffective Expression of Emotions 112 Types of Nonverbal Communication 163
Guidelines for Communicating Emotions Kinesics 164
Effectively 115 Haptics 167
Identify Your Emotions 115 Physical Appearance 168
Choose How to Express Emotions 116 Artifacts 169
Own Your Feelings 117 Environmental Factors 172
Monitor Your Self-Talk 118 Proxemics 176
Adopt a Rational–Emotive Approach to Feelings 119 Chronemics 177
Respond Sensitively When Others Communicate Paralanguage 179
Emotions 121 Silence 181
Guidelines for Improving Nonverbal
Chapter Summary 123 Communication 181
Monitor Your Nonverbal Communication 181
Be Tentative When Interpreting Others’
Chapter 5
Nonverbal Communication 182
The Power of Language 124
Chapter Summary 184
Layers of Language 125
The Symbolic Nature of Language 126 Chapter 7
Language Is Arbitrary 127
Language Is Ambiguous 127 Cultural Diversity and Communication 186
Language Is Abstract 128
Thinking Like An Anthropologist 187
Principles of Verbal Communication 129 Adolescence as an Example
Language and Culture Reflect Each Other 129 of a Subculture 188
The Meanings of Language Are Subjective 131 Characteristics of a Culture 190
Language Use Is Rule-Guided 132 Nonverbal Communication Reflects
Communication Devices Shape Meaning 135 and Expresses Cultural Values 191
Functions of Symbols 135 Approaches to the Study
Symbols Define 136
of Cultures 193
Symbols Evaluate 137
Aggregate Approach 193
Symbols Organize Perceptions 139
x NEL
of interaction in families, research on families that communication in everyday life. Many of these are
are not White and middle class is included. Discus- drawn from the Canadian landscape and offer a
sion of romantic relationships includes research on snapshot of communication ideas, foibles, and chal-
gay and lesbian relationships as well as heterosex- lenges in Canada.
ual ones. Rather than highlighting the attention to Clusters of concepts are placed in the margin
diversity with diversity boxes or separate features, for quick reference, summary, and review. One of
diverse social groups, customs, and lifestyles are these sidebars is called Concepts at a Glance; the
blended into the book as a whole. other, Review. These pedagogical features allow
Social diversity is not the only significant social the student to capture key concepts in point form,
trend that affects and is affected by interpersonal which will assist study and recall. Interspersed in
communication. Everyday Encounters addresses each chapter are photographs of people in everyday
communication challenges, confusions, and issues interactions. Many photographs have captions that
that are part of personal and social life in our era. pose questions or invite reflection. This is particu-
Attention is paid to friendships, which have assumed larly helpful for the visual learner to capture the
greater importance in the face of increasing salient concepts of the chapter; it also alleviates the
numbers of broken marriages and geographically denseness of the written text.
dispersed families. Discussion of romantic relation- Following each chapter are several questions
ships addresses abuse and violence between intim- that invite students to engage in further reflection
ates, managing long-distance relationships, and the and discussion of ideas covered in the text. For most
use of communication to negotiate safer sex in an chapters, at least one question focuses specifically
era shadowed by HIV and AIDS. The final chapter on ethical issues in interpersonal communication,
examines current topics in workplace health, such and at least one question suggests an activity using
as how to bring soul to the workplace and how to information from the Internet.
deal with sexual harassment and difficult people.
Instructor Resources
SPECIAL FEATURES OF EVERYDAY
ENCOUNTERS
The emphasis on communication research and
theories and attention to social diversity are two
distinctive features of Everyday Encounters. In
addition, other facets of the book are designed to The Nelson Education Teaching Advantage (NETA)
make it appealing and useful to students and help- program delivers research-based instructor resour-
ful to instructors. First, the authors have adopted a ces that promote student engagement and higher
conversational tone that invites students to interact order thinking to enable the success of Canadian
with ideas on a personal level. Each chapter is also students and educators. Visit Nelson Education’s
enhanced by commentaries written by students in Inspired Instruction website at http://www.nelson
interpersonal communication classes. Their voices .com/inspired to find out more about NETA.
add a broader perspective to the scholarly material The following instructor resources have been
and remind the reader that the topic of interpersonal created for Everyday Encounters, Fifth Canadian
communication is about the lives of real people. Edition. Access these ultimate tools for customiz-
ing lectures and presentations at www.nelson.com/
Everyday Encounters also includes pedagogical
instructor.
features that promote the development of inter-
personal communication skills. Each chapter
includes several Apply the Idea exercises, which NETA Test Bank
encourage students to apply concepts and principles This resource was written by James Tomasson of
discussed in the text to their own lives. Coupled with the Southern Institute of Technology. It includes
these exercises are Reflective Exercises that help over 480 general Multiple Choice questions and
promote reflective thinking and personal exam- 528 discipline-specific Multiple Choice ques-
ination. Each chapter also includes a number of tions written according to NETA guidelines for
Communication Notes features, which highlight effective construction and development of higher
interesting research and examples of interpersonal order questions. Also included are 180 true/false
NEL Preface xi
questions, 12 short answer questions, and 60 essay
questions.
MindTap
Offering personalized paths of dynamic assign-
ments and applications, MindTap is a digital learning
solution that turns cookie-cutter into cutting-edge,
The NETA Test Bank is available in a new, apathy into engagement, and memorizers into
Cloud-based platform. Nelson Testing Powered higher-level thinkers. MindTap enables students to
by Cognero® is a secure online testing system that analyze and apply chapter concepts within relevant
allows instructors to author, edit, and manage test assignments, and allows instructors to measure
bank content from anywhere Internet access is skills and promote better outcomes with ease. A
available. No special installations or downloads are fully online learning solution, MindTap combines
needed, and the desktop-inspired interface, with all student learning tools—readings, multimedia,
its drop-down menus and familiar, intuitive tools, activities, and assessments—into a single Learning
allows instructors to create and manage tests with Path that guides the student through the curricu-
ease. Multiple test versions can be created in an lum. Instructors personalize the experience by
instant, and content can be imported or exported customizing the presentation of these learning tools
into other systems. Tests can be delivered from a to their students, even seamlessly introducing their
learning management system, the classroom, or own content into the Learning Path.
wherever an instructor chooses. Testing Powered
by Cognero for Everyday Encounters can also be STUDENT ANCILLARIES
accessed through www.nelson.com/instructor.
NETA PowerPoint
Microsoft ® PowerPoint ® lecture slides for every
chapter have been created by Jennifer Wraight of MindTap
Nipissing University. There is an average of 15 slides
per chapter, many featuring key figures, tables, and Stay organized and efficient with MindTap—a single
photographs from Everyday Encounters. NETA prin- destination with all the course material and study
ciples of clear design and engaging content have aids you need to succeed. Built-in apps leverage
been incorporated throughout, making it simple for social media and the latest learning technology. For
instructors to customize the deck for their courses. example:
Exploring Interpersonal
Communication
Watch your thoughts; they
become words.
Watch your words; they
become actions.
Watch your actions; they
become habits.
Watch your habits; they
become character.
Watch your character; it
becomes your destiny.
—author unknown
© ARENA Creative/Shutterstock
NEL
You’ve been interviewing for two months, and so far you haven’t had a single
job offer. After another interview that didn’t go well, you run into a close friend,
who asks what’s wrong. Instead of just offering quick sympathy, your friend
suggests that the two of you go to lunch and talk. Over pizza, you disclose that
you’re starting to worry that you won’t find a job, and you wonder what’s wrong
with you.
Your friend listens closely and lets you know that he cares about your concerns.
Then he tells you about other people he knows who also haven’t yet had job offers.
All of a sudden, you don’t feel so alone. Your friend reminds you how worried you
felt last term when you were struggling with your physics course and then made a
B on the final.
As you listen to him, your sagging confidence begins to recover. Before leav-
ing, he tells you about a website called Virtual Interview that allows you to practise
interviewing skills, and he works with you to come up with some new strategies for
interviewing. By the time you leave, you feel hopeful again.
Interpersonal communication, a selective, systemic, ongoing process in which
unique individuals interact to reflect and build personal knowledge and to create
meanings, is central to our everyday lives. We count on others to care about what is
happening in our lives and to help us sort through problems and concerns. We want
them to share our worries and our joys. In addition, we need others to encourage
our personal and professional growth. Friends and romantic partners who believe
in us often enable us to overcome self-defeating patterns and help us become the
people we want to be. Co-workers who give us advice and feedback help us increase
our effectiveness on the job. And sometimes we just want to hang out with people
we like, trust, and have fun with.
We communicate to develop identities, establish connections, coordinate
efforts with others, deepen ties over time, and work out problems and possibilities.
The International Baccalaureate Program (IB) is a worldwide educational
organization that has a hard-earned reputation for excellent student quality, for
high standards, and for leadership. There are 348 IB schools in Canada promoting
intercultural understanding and respect as an essential part of life in the twenty-
first century. It is not surprising that communication is at the heart of the IB Learner
Profile. The goal for students is to “understand and express ideas and information
confidently . . . work[ing] effectively and willingly in collaboration with others”
(www.ibo.org).
Interpersonal communication is equally important in the workplace. Waldeck,
Helmuth, and Marcia (2012) have identified specific communication competen-
cies that are important in contemporary business and professional environments.
These competencies represent a mix of traditional and contemporary communica-
tion skills. The influence of collaborative communication and global interconnec-
tivity permeates each theme. These competencies underscore the need for each
of us to develop a skill set that transcends specific work-related divisions and that
encompasses technology, intergroup relations, nonverbal and relational compe-
tence, and more.
The importance of interpersonal communication to professional success has
been confirmed by another study in which executives placed the most weight on
candidates’ interpersonal skills when making promotion decisions (Reinsch &
Gardner, 2013).
Clearly, interpersonal communication is central to our everyday lives. It is
the lifeblood of meaningful relationships in personal, social, and professional
contexts.
In this chapter, we take a first look at interpersonal communication. We start
by considering how communication meets important human needs. We then
Physiological Needs
At the most basic level, humans need to survive, and communication helps us
meet this need. To survive, babies must alert others when they are hungry or
FIGURE 1.1
Maslow’s Hierarchy of
Self- Needs
Transcendence
Self-
Actualization Needs
Aesthetic Needs:
Symmetry Order Beauty
Cognitive Needs:
Knowledge Understanding Novelty
Self-Esteem Needs:
Competence Approval Recognition
Safety Needs:
Comfort Security Freedom from Fear Freedom from Violence
Physiological Needs:
Food Water Oxygen
Safety Needs
We also meet safety needs through communication. If your roof is leaking or if
termites have invaded your apartment, you must talk with the property manager
or owner to get the problem solved so that you have safe shelter. If someone is threat-
ening you, you need to talk with law enforcement officers to gain protection. If your
friend has been drinking and you take the car keys
and say, “I’ll drive you home,” you may save a life.
We may go online to research symptoms we have or
to learn about medical conditions that our friends or
family members have developed. To avoid sexually
transmitted diseases, couples must talk to each other
about safer sex. The ability to discuss private and
difficult issues having to do with sex is essential to
© Gilles Lougassi/Shutterstock
Belonging Needs
The third level in Maslow’s hierarchy is belonging
(or social) needs. All of us need others in order to
be happy, to enjoy life, to feel comfortable on the
job, and to fit into social groups. We want others’ Student Voices
company, acceptance, and affirmation, and we want
to give acceptance and affirmation to others. Chad:
We communicate to meet belonging needs by
talking with others, sharing thoughts and feelings I’m not usually a really social person, but after one of our
online, watching films together, and working on classmates died in a freak accident, I needed to be around
project teams. Also, interpersonal communication other people. I think a lot of my friends did. We needed
introduces us to ideas that broaden our perspec- to connect with others. It was almost like we felt our class
tives. Perhaps, after talking with someone, you’ve had been endangered and we were trying to rebuild it by
thought, “I never saw it that way before” or “Gee, talking with others.
that really changes my attitude.” In his commen-
tary, Chad notes the importance of this type of
communication.
The connection between belonging needs and well-being is well estab-
lished. One study found that people who lack strong social ties are 200 to 300
percent more likely to die prematurely than those whose social ties are strong
(Narem, 1980). Other reports conclude that heart disease is far more prevalent in
people lacking strong interpersonal relationships than in those who have healthy
connections with others (Cowley, 1998; Kupfer, First, & Regier, 2002; Ornish, 1999;
Ruberman, 1992).
Belonging is also important in our careers. We want to feel that we’re a part of
work groups, and we want to be part of the formal and informal communication
networks in organizations.
Most of us take socialization for granted. We are born into families, and they
socialize us as members of the human world of meaning and action. But what if
there were no humans around to socialize you? Would you still be human?
A particularly dramatic finding is that people who are deprived of human inter-
action for a long time may fail to develop a concept of themselves as humans. Two
such cases were documented by sociologist Kingsley Davis (1940, 1947). Anna and
Isabelle, two girls who were not related to each other, received minimal human
contact and care during the first six years of their lives. Authorities who discovered
the children reported that both girls lived in dark, dank attics. Anna and Isabelle
were so undeveloped intellectually that they behaved like six-month-olds. Anna was
startlingly apathetic and unresponsive to others. She did not progress well despite
care, contact, and nutrition. She died four years after she was discovered. Isabelle
fared better. When she was found, she communicated by grunts and gestures
and was responsive to human interaction. After two years in systematic therapy,
Isabelle’s intelligence approached normal levels for her age.
Because the mother was deaf and mute, she couldn’t teach Isabelle
to speak, but she did teach Isabelle to interact with gestures and
sounds that both of them understood. Thus, Isabelle suffered less
extreme deprivation than Anna.
The need for social contact continues throughout our lives.
A lack strong of strong social ties makes Even people who have been raised with normal social interaction
people more vulnerable to threats to their can be affected if such interaction is lacking later in life. People
well-being. who have few friends are more likely to experience depression,
anxiety, and fatigue (Jones & Moore, 1989; Segrin, 1998).
Self-Esteem Needs
Moving up Maslow’s hierarchy, we find self-esteem needs, which involve valuing
and respecting ourselves and being valued and respected by others. As we will see
in Chapter 2, communication is the primary way we figure out who we are and who
we can be. We gain our first sense of self from others who communicate how they
see us. Parents and other family members tell children they are pretty or plain,
smart or slow, good or bad, helpful or difficult. As family members communicate
their perceptions, children begin to form images of themselves.
This process continues throughout life as we see ourselves reflected in others’
eyes. In elementary school, our teachers and peers influence our perceptions of
how smart we are, how good we are at soccer, and how attractive we are. As we date
and form romantic relationships, our partners reflect their views of us as loving or
unloving, generous or selfish, open or closed, and trustworthy or untrustworthy. In
professional life, our co-workers and supervisors communicate in ways that suggest
how much they respect us and our abilities. Through all the stages of our lives, our
self-esteem is shaped by how others communicate with us. People who lack strong
interpersonal communication skills are unlikely to rise to the top of their field, and
many of them suffer lowered self-esteem as a result (Morreale, 2001).
Cognitive Needs
Maslow (1968) later inserted two more growth needs into his hierarchy—cognitive
and aesthetic needs. We have a cognitive need to know, to understand, and to
explore. As humans, we seek more than survival, safety, belonging, and esteem.
We also thrive on growth. Each of us wants to cultivate new dimensions, enlarge
our perspectives, engage in challenging and different experiences, and learn new
skills.
Others help us through inspiration and teaching. Gandhi, for instance, was
a model of strength that did not depend on aggression. Watching him embody
passive resistance with grace inspired thousands of Indians to define themselves
as passive resisters. The teachings of religious leaders such as Lao-tzu, Confucius,
Jesus, Muhammad, and Buddha also inspire people to grow personally. In a similar
vein, consider the accomplishments of Canadians who inspire us and help create
a Canadian identity—Pierre Trudeau, Margaret Atwood, Terry Fox, and Sidney
Crosby, to name a few. As we interact with teachers and leaders who inspire us, we
may come to understand their visions of the world and of themselves and perhaps
weave those into our own self-concepts.
Aesthetic Needs
Many individuals find that they experience a sense of personal fulfillment when
they have beauty, symmetry, and order in their lives. Music, art, athletics, and an
appreciation of the wonders of nature often bring a richness and joy to our spirits.
Communication fosters our growth as individuals. It is often in interaction with
others that we first recognize possibilities for who we can be—possibilities that
hadn’t occurred to us. Perhaps you can recall someone who first noticed you had a
talent and encouraged you to cultivate it. Who was that person? What messages did
you receive that encouraged you to nurture your talents?
Self-Actualization Needs
According to Maslow, the seventh human need is self-actualization. Maslow defined
self-actualization as fully developing and using our unique “talents, capacities,
potentialities” (1954/1970, p. 150). To achieve this, we need to refine talents that
we have already developed to some degree, while also cultivating new potential in
ourselves. As humans, we seek more than survival, safety, belonging, and esteem.
We also thrive on growth. Each of us wants to cultivate new dimensions of mind,
heart, and spirit. We seek to enlarge our perspectives, engage in challenging and
different experiences, learn new skills, and test ourselves in unfamiliar territories.
To become our fullest selves—to self-actualize—we must embrace the idea that we
are always evolving, growing, and changing.
L’Imitation.
Huit jours, huit mois, huit ans, huit siècles, je ne sais quoi de
long, de sans fin dans l’ennui, depuis que je t’ai quitté, mon ami,
mon pauvre malade ! Est-il bien ? est-il mieux ? est-il mal ?
Questions de toujours et de toujours sans réponse. Ignorance
pénible, difficile à porter, ignorance du cœur, la seule qui fait souffrir
ou qui fait souffrir davantage. Il fait beau, on sent partout le soleil et
un air de fleurs qui te feront du bien. Le printemps, la chaleur vont te
guérir mieux que tous les remèdes. Je te dis ceci en espérance,
seule dans une chambre d’ermite, avec chaise, croix et petite table
sous petite fenêtre où j’écris. De temps en temps, je vois le ciel et
entends les cloches et quelques passants des rues de Nevers, la
triste. Est-ce Paris qui me gâte, me rapetisse, m’assombrit tout ?
Jamais ville plus déserte, plus noire, plus ennuyeuse, malgré les
charmes qui l’habitent, Marie et son aimable famille. Il n’est point de
charme contre certaine influence. O l’ennui ! la plus maligne, la plus
tenace, la plus emmaisonnée, qui rentre par une porte quand on l’a
chassée par l’autre, qui donne tant d’exercice pour ne pas la laisser
maîtresse du logis. J’ai de tout essayé, jusqu’à tirer ma quenouille
du fond de son étui où je l’avais depuis mon départ du Cayla. Cela
m’a rappelé l’histoire de ce berger qui, parvenu à la cour, y
conservait le coffre où était sa houlette, et l’ouvrait quelquefois pour
trouver du plaisir. J’ai aussi trouvé du plaisir à revoir ma quenouille
et à filer un peu. Mais je filais tant d’autres choses ! Voyage enfin
aux îles Pelew, ouvrage aussi intéressant que des étoupes. Je n’en
ai pu rien tirer en contre-ennui. Qu’il demeure, cet inexorable ennui,
ce fond de la vie humaine. Supporter et se supporter, c’est la plus
sage des choses.
Une lettre, enfin ! Une lettre où tu es mieux, une lettre de ton ami
qui t’a vu, qui t’a parlé, qui t’a trouvé presque en gaieté. O res
mirabilis ! de la gaieté ! pourvu que ce ne soit pas factice, que tu ne
veuilles pas nous tromper ! Les malades jouent de ces tours
quelquefois. Pourquoi ne pas croire aussi ? Le doute ne vaut rien
pour rien. Ce qui me fait tant estimer ton ami, c’est que je n’en doute
pas, que je le crois immuable en amitié et en parole, un homme de
vérité. Ce qui me fait aimer et vouloir ses lettres encore, c’est qu’il
est le plus près de toi par l’intelligence et le cœur, et que je te vois
en lui.
Le 24. — Que tout est riant, que le soleil a de vie, que l’air m’est
doux et léger ! Une lettre, des nouvelles, du mieux, cher malade, et
tout est changé en moi, dedans, dehors. Je suis heureuse
aujourd’hui. Mot si rare que je souligne. Enfin, enfin cette lettre est
venue ! Je l’ai là sous les yeux, sous la main, au cœur, partout. Je
suis toute dans une lettre toujours, tantôt triste, tantôt gaie. Dieu soit
béni d’aujourd’hui, de ce que j’apprends de ton sommeil, de ton
appétit, de cette promenade aux Champs-Élysées avec Caro, ton
ange conducteur ! Le cher et bon ami me mande cela avec un détail
d’amitié bien touchant. C’est trop aimable de se mettre ainsi entre
frère et sœur séparés pour leur correspondance intime, pour servir
mes sollicitudes, pour couper la longue distance qui s’arrête où je le
rencontre. Toujours, toujours j’aurai obligation, reconnaissance
infinie de ce service, de cet affectueux dévouement du plus aimable
des amis.
Causé longtemps avec Marie de cette lettre et de choses infinies
qui s’y sont rattachées. Les enchaînements se font si bien de chose
à autre, qu’on noue le monde par un cheveu quelquefois. Ainsi
avons-nous tiré le passé, le passé de l’éternité où il est tombé, pour
le revoir entre nous, entre Elle et moi, moi venue si
extraordinairement auprès d’Elle.
La belle vision, l’admirable figure de Christ que j’aperçois sur la
tapisserie vis-à-vis de mon lit ! C’est fait pour l’œil d’un peintre.
Jamais je n’ai vu tête plus sublime, plus divinement douloureuse
avec les traits qu’on donne au Sauveur. J’en suis frappée, et j’admire
ce que fait ma chandelle derrière une anse de pot à l’eau dont
l’ombre encadre trois fleurs sur la tapisserie qui font ce tableau. Ainsi
les plus petites choses font les grandes. Des enfants découvrirent
les lunettes d’approche, un verre par hasard rapprocha les astres,
une mauvaise lumière et un peu d’ombre sur un papier me font un
tableau de Rubens ou de Raphaël. Le beau n’est pas ce qu’on
cherche, mais ce qu’on rencontre. Il est vraiment beau, plus beau
que rien de ce que j’ai vu en ce genre à l’Exposition. Quelque ange
l’a-t-il exposée pour moi dans ma chambre solitaire, cette image de
Jésus, car Jésus est doux à l’âme, et avec lui rien ne lui manque et
rien ne lui paraît difficile. Eh bien ! donc, que cette image me soit
utile, me soit en aide dans la pensée qui m’occupe. Demain, je vais
pour toi faire un pèlerinage qui me coûte, non pour les pas, c’est
pour autre chose qui demande courage d’âme, force de foi. Je
l’aurai, Dieu aidant. Ne va pas croire à un martyre ; il ne s’agit que
d’aller me confesser à un prêtre auquel je n’ai pas confiance, mais
c’est le seul de l’endroit, et j’ai besoin de me confesser pour la
neuvaine que nous faisons faire. Dans cet acte de religion, il faut
toujours séparer l’homme du prêtre et quelquefois l’anéantir.
Adieu ; je vais dormir avec ces pensées, avec ton souvenir et tant
d’autres.
Le 28. — Heureux ceux qui croient sans avoir vu. Heureux donc
les croyants à la poudre homœopathique ! heureux donc mon
estomac qui vient d’en prendre sur l’ordonnance de Marie ! J’ai plutôt
foi au médecin qu’au remède, il faut le dire, ce qui revient au même
pour l’effet. Quoique je t’aie pressé de consulter cette nouvelle
méthode de guérison, c’était plutôt pour le régime doux et long, et
par cela d’un bon effet, que pour les infiniment petits qui doivent
produire infiniment peu de chose. Que peut contenir d’agissant un
atome de poudre quelconque, fût-elle de feu ? J’ai donc pris sans
conviction, et pour complaire à la tendre amie, pleine de soins pour
ma santé. Mon remède est de ne rien faire, de laisser faire dame
Nature qui s’en tire seule, à moins de cas aigus. La santé est
comme les enfants, on la gâte par trop de soins. Bien des femmes
sont victimes de cet amour trop attentif à de petites douleurs, et
demeurent tourmentées de souffrances pour les avoir caressées.
Les dérangements de santé qui ne sont d’abord que petits maux,
deviennent grandes maladies souvent, comme on voit les défauts
dans l’âme devenir passions quand on les flatte. Je ne veux donc
pas flatter mon malaise d’à présent, et, quoique gémissent cœur et
nerfs, lire, écrire et faire comme de coutume en tout. C’est bien
puissant le je veux de la volonté, le mot du maître, et j’aime fort le
proverbe de Jacotot : Pouvoir, c’est vouloir. En effet, quel levier !
L’homme qui s’en sert peut soulever le monde et se porter lui-même
jusqu’au ciel. Noble et sainte faculté qui fait les grands génies, les
saints, les héros des deux mondes, les intelligences supérieures.
Lu les Précieuses Ridicules et les Savantes. Quel homme, ce
Molière ! Je veux le lire.
Le 1er mai. — C’est au bel air de mai, au soleil levant, au jour
radieux et balsamique, que ma plume trotte sur ce papier. Il fait bon
courir dans cette nature enchanteuse, parmi fleurs, oiseaux et
verdure, sous ce ciel large et bleu du Nivernais. J’en aime fort la
gracieuse coupe et ces petits nuages blancs çà et là comme des
coussins de coton, suspendus pour le repos de l’œil dans cette
immensité. Notre âme s’étend sur ce qu’elle voit ; elle change
comme les horizons, elle en prend la forme, et je croirais assez que
l’homme en petit lieu a petites idées, comme aussi riantes ou tristes,
sévères ou gracieuses, suivant la nature qui l’environne. Chaque
plante tient du sol, chaque fleur tient de son vase, chaque homme
de son pays. Le Cayla, notre bel enclos, m’a tenue longtemps sous
sa verdure, et je me sens différente d’alors. Marie craint que ce soit
malheur, mais je ne crois pas : il me reste assez de ce que j’étais
pour reprendre à la même vie. Seulement il y aura nouvelle branche
et deux plantes sur même tronc, comme ces arbres greffés de
plusieurs sortes où l’on voit des fleurs différentes.
A pareil jour, peut-être à pareil [instant], Mimi la sainte est à
genoux devant le petit autel du mois de Marie dans la chambrette.
Chère sœur ! je me joins à elle et trouve aussi ma chapelle aux
Coques. On m’a donné pour cela une chambre que Valentine a
remplie de fleurs. Là j’irai me faire une église, et Marie, ses petites
filles, valets et bergers et toute la maison s’y réuniront tous les soirs
devant la sainte Vierge. Ils y viennent d’abord comme pour voir
seulement. Jamais mois de Marie ne leur est venu. Il pourra résulter
quelque bien de cette dévotion curieuse, ne fût-ce qu’une idée, une
seule idée de leurs devoirs de chrétiens, que ces pauvres gens
connaissent peu, que nous leur lirons en les amusant. Ces dévotions
populaires me plaisent en ce qu’elles sont attrayantes dans leurs
formes et offrent en cela de faciles moyens d’instruction. On drape le
dessous de bonnes vérités qui ressortent toutes riantes et gagnent
les cœurs au nom de la Vierge et de ses douces vertus. J’aime le
mois de Marie et autres petites dévotions aimables que l’Église
permet, qu’elle bénit, qui naissent aux pieds de la foi comme les
fleurs aux pieds du chêne.