“Prevention is better than cure”.

Researching and treating diseases is too costly so it

would be better to invest in preventative measures.

To what extent do you agree.

It is widely acknowledged that suitable investment is an indisputable action in terms of

effectively dealing with medical issues. Some people state that it would be better to raise
funds for preventative measures rather than for conducting research on treatments for
diseases. From my perspective, while I undoubtedly agree with the former, I still believe that
we also need to invest in researching, considering that both ways of coping with diseases
have its own beneficial effects.

The first aspect to point out is that preventing from diseases is important for people. It is
often said that when we take action as soon as possible before a disease spreads over a
mass number of habitats, the risk of uncontrollably transmission as well as the proportion of
infected people will be restrained, which will not only reduce the amount of money spent on
treatments, but also scarcely affect the economic and political situation of a country. As far
as I am concerned, all of these are a consequence of a punctual prevention with enough
preparation, and, therefore, raising funds for making preparations beforehand is an
undoubtedly vital element.

However, in spite of stable preparations and protections, we also have to keep an eye on the
unprecedented and unexpected aspects and perspectives of diseases. For instance, Covid
19 appeared to be a extremely infectious disease affecting many people and lasting for
several years even though we had soon taken it into consideration. Consequently, not only
should we invest in the initial stage of coping with diseases, such as protections and
preparations, we also ought to raise funds for both researching and formulating treatments
and vaccines simultaneously in order to vigorously fight against diseases and limit the
transmission so far so good even when we are not able to prevent it from the very first stage.

All things considered, investment in medical issues is one of the most important things to do
to deal with diseases, and, on top of that, we need to raise funds effectively on both
protection and cures, considering that there may be unexpected problems occurring.

Nâng cấp lập luận

Introduction: It is widely acknowledged that suitable investment is an indisputable action in
terms of effectively dealing with medical issues. Some people state that it would be better to
raise funds for preventative measures rather than for conducting research on treatments for
diseases. From my perspective, while I undoubtedly agree with the former, I still believe that
we also need to invest in researching, considering that both ways of coping with diseases
have its own beneficial effects.

Feedback for Introduction:

Clear Position: The introduction effectively states your position by acknowledging the
importance of investment in medical issues and agreeing with the need for preventative
measures. However, it could be strengthened by more explicitly stating your agreement with
the need for both preventative measures and research. This would provide a clearer
indication of your stance on the issue.
Relevance: The introduction is relevant to the essay question as it addresses the debate
between investing in preventative measures versus research on treatments. It sets the stage
for a discussion on the importance of both approaches in dealing with medical issues.

Brief Overview: The introduction could be improved by providing a brief overview of the
main arguments that will be discussed in the essay. For example, you could mention the
benefits of preventative measures and the importance of research in understanding and
combating diseases. This would give the reader a clearer idea of what to expect in the
essay.

Improved Introduction: The debate over whether to invest in preventative measures or

research on treatments for diseases is a crucial one in the context of medical issues. While
some advocate for prioritizing preventative measures to avoid costly treatments, I believe
that both approaches are essential. This essay will argue that while preventative measures
are vital for reducing the spread of diseases, research is equally important for understanding
and combating diseases effectively, ensuring a comprehensive approach to medical
challenges.

Main Point 1: The first aspect to point out is that preventing from diseases is important for
people. It is often said that when we take action as soon as possible before a disease
spreads over a mass number of habitats, the risk of uncontrollably transmission as well as
the proportion of infected people will be restrained, which will not only reduce the amount of
money spent on treatments, but also scarcely affect the economic and political situation of a
country. As far as I am concerned, all of these are a consequence of a punctual prevention
with enough preparation, and, therefore, raising funds for making preparations beforehand is
an undoubtedly vital element.

Feedback for Main Point 1:

Argumentative Logic: The argument effectively highlights the importance of preventative

measures in reducing the spread of diseases and the associated economic and political
impacts. The logical flow from early action to reduced transmission and economic impact is
clear and well-structured.

Overgeneralizations: The statement that preventative measures will "scarcely affect the
economic and political situation of a country" might be an overgeneralization. While
preventative measures can significantly reduce costs and impacts, the extent of these
effects can vary depending on the nature of the disease and the effectiveness of the
measures implemented.

Relevance and Effectiveness of Supporting Ideas: The supporting ideas are relevant and
effectively illustrate the benefits of preventative measures. However, the argument could be
strengthened by discussing specific examples of successful preventative measures and their
outcomes to make the argument more concrete and persuasive.

Unclear or Ambiguous Expressions: The expression "punctual prevention with enough

preparation" is somewhat vague. Clarifying what constitutes "enough preparation" and how it
leads to effective prevention would enhance clarity.

Unwarranted Assumptions: The argument assumes that preventative measures will

always lead to reduced economic and political impacts. This overlooks the possibility that
even with effective prevention, some economic and political impacts may still occur due to
the inherent complexity of disease management.
Overly Assertive Language: The use of phrases like "scarcely affect" and "undoubtedly
vital" could be softened to acknowledge the complexity and variability of outcomes in
disease prevention. Phrases like "can help to reduce" or "may contribute to" would provide a
more balanced perspective.

Overall Evaluation: Extended and Supported but Over-Generalized

Suggestions for Improvement:

Detail Specific Preventative Measures: Provide specific examples of preventative

measures that have been effective in reducing disease transmission and their associated
costs. This could include vaccination programs, public health campaigns, or infrastructure
improvements.

Clarify and Specify Terms: Define what is meant by "enough preparation" and how it is
achieved. This could include discussing the role of public awareness, healthcare
infrastructure, and international cooperation in prevention efforts.

Balance the Argument: Introduce a discussion on the limitations of preventative measures

and how they can complement research and treatment efforts. This would provide a more
comprehensive view of disease management strategies.

Improved Main Point 1: Preventative measures are crucial for

Task Response
Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:

Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument to some extent. It
acknowledges the importance of preventative measures by stating they are vital due to their
ability to reduce costs and societal impact. However, it also argues for the necessity of
research into treatments, citing unexpected diseases like Covid-19 as examples where
prevention alone may not suffice.

How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide a more balanced evaluation of the
two approaches. While it briefly touches on the benefits of both prevention and treatment
research, a deeper analysis and clearer stance on the extent to which one approach should
be prioritized over the other would strengthen the argument.

Present a Clear Position Throughout:

Detailed explanation: The essay's position is generally clear: it agrees that prevention is
important but argues that investment in research for treatments is also crucial. However, the
clarity of the stance could be enhanced by clearly stating which approach should be
prioritized in the long term.

How to improve: To maintain a clear position throughout, the essay could explicitly state
whether prevention or treatment research should receive more funding, and justify this
stance with more detailed reasoning and evidence.

Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth in development and
support. For example, while it mentions the benefits of prevention and the necessity of
research, these points are not elaborated upon with specific examples or evidence. The
reference to Covid-19 is mentioned but not expanded upon to illustrate the point effectively.

How to improve: To enhance idea presentation, the essay should include specific
examples, data, or case studies to support arguments about the effectiveness of prevention
and the necessity of treatment research. This would strengthen the essay's credibility and
persuasive power.

Stay on Topic:

Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the balance between
investing in prevention versus treatment research. However, there are moments where the
argument drifts slightly, such as the general statements about the economic and political
impact of diseases.

How to improve: To improve coherence, the essay should maintain a more focused
discussion specifically on the comparative advantages of prevention and treatment research.
Avoiding general statements and keeping the focus strictly on the prompt would strengthen
the overall structure and clarity of the essay.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt and presents a
coherent argument, there is room for improvement in deepening the analysis, providing more
specific support for arguments, and maintaining a clearer and more consistent position
throughout. By addressing these aspects, the essay could achieve a higher band score in
Task Response.

Coherence & Cohesion

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:

Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. It

begins with a clear introduction that outlines the argument (paragraph 1), followed by two
body paragraphs that discuss different aspects of the topic (paragraphs 2 and 3), and ends
with a conclusion summarizing the main points (paragraph 4). Each paragraph has a distinct
focus and contributes to the overall argument.

How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into
the next. Consider using more explicit linking phrases between paragraphs (e.g.,
"Furthermore," "In addition to this," "Consequently,") to improve coherence.

Use Paragraphs:

Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to structure its argument.
Each paragraph introduces a new idea or perspective related to the prompt. However,
paragraph 2 could benefit from clearer topic sentences to better signal the focus of each
paragraph.

How to improve: Strengthen paragraph coherence by beginning each with a clear topic
sentence that previews the content of the paragraph. For example, paragraph 2 could start
with a sentence like "One significant benefit of preventive measures is their potential to
reduce disease transmission and economic impact."

Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as pronouns ("it,"
"these"), conjunctions ("however," "therefore"), and prepositions ("despite," "in addition to").
However, there is room for improvement in using a wider variety of cohesive devices and
ensuring their effective use throughout the essay.

How to improve: Increase the diversity of cohesive devices used, such as using more
transitional adverbs ("moreover," "nevertheless"), cohesive conjunctions ("consequently," "in
contrast"), and referencing (e.g., "this," "these"). This will help strengthen the connections
between sentences and paragraphs.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of coherence and cohesion, but
there are areas where more explicit linking and clearer topic sentences could further improve
the organization and structure. By enhancing these elements, the essay would better meet
the criteria for a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Lexical Resource
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary. There is

evidence of varied word choices such as "indisputable action," "punctual prevention,"
"unprecedented," and "vigorous." These choices contribute to the overall clarity and richness
of expression.

How to improve: To further enhance lexical variety, consider incorporating more nuanced
synonyms and idiomatic expressions where appropriate. For instance, instead of "suitable
investment," consider alternatives like "optimal allocation of resources" or "strategic funding."
This can elevate the sophistication of the language used.

Use Vocabulary Precisely:

Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary effectively, there are
instances where more precise vocabulary could be beneficial. For example, the phrase
"affecting many people" could be refined to "widespread impact," and "lasting for several
years" might be replaced with "enduring for an extended period." These adjustments would
strengthen the precision and clarity of the message.

How to improve: Aim for more specific and contextually appropriate vocabulary choices.
Consider using domain-specific terminology where relevant (e.g., epidemiological impact,
long-term persistence) to convey ideas more accurately and succinctly.

Use Correct Spelling:

Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with few errors
detracting from comprehension. Instances such as "uncontrollably transmission" should be
corrected to "uncontrollable transmission," and "habitat" should be "habitats." These minor
errors do not significantly impede understanding but could be addressed for greater
precision.

How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, proofread carefully and consider using
spelling and grammar check tools. Developing a habit of reviewing written work for common
errors can also help in maintaining consistency and correctness.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates competence in vocabulary use and spelling,
there is room for refinement to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on enhancing lexical
variety with more sophisticated synonyms and precision in vocabulary selection, along with
ensuring consistent spelling accuracy, will contribute to a more polished and effective
expression of ideas.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:

Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fairly wide range of sentence structures,
including complex sentences, conditional structures, and clauses. For instance, the use of
subordinate clauses to provide additional information ("when we take action as soon as
possible before a disease spreads over a mass number of habitats") and complex sentence
structures ("while I undoubtedly agree with the former, I still believe that we also need to
invest in researching") shows a competent use of varied structures.

How to improve: To further enhance sentence variety, consider incorporating more

rhetorical devices such as parallelism or varying sentence lengths to add nuance and
coherence to your arguments. Additionally, exploring more sophisticated connectors and
transitions could elevate the flow of ideas throughout the essay.

Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy
with few noticeable errors. There are, however, instances where articles are omitted
("extremely infectious disease affecting many people"), and punctuation could be more
consistently applied, particularly with commas and apostrophes.

How to improve: Focus on consistent use of articles ('a', 'an', 'the') to ensure clarity and
precision in your expressions. Work on refining comma usage for clarity and pacing,
ensuring they are used correctly to separate clauses and ideas. Additionally, pay attention to
apostrophes for possessives and contractions to avoid ambiguity.

Overall, your essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and a commendable

variety of sentence structures. Continuing to refine these aspects will further enhance the
clarity and sophistication of your writing.

Bài chữa tham khảo

It is widely acknowledged that strategic investment is an unequivocal strategy in effectively
managing medical issues. Some argue that it is more advisable to allocate funds towards
preventative measures rather than conducting research into treatments for diseases. From
my perspective, while I agree with prioritizing prevention, I also believe that investing in
research is crucial, as both approaches to disease management have their own beneficial
effects.

The first point to emphasize is the importance of preventing diseases. It is widely recognized
that timely prevention can significantly affect a large number of people. When action is taken
promptly, before diseases spread uncontrollably among the population, the risk of
transmission and the number of infected individuals can be minimized. This not only reduces
healthcare expenditures but also has positive implications for a nation's economic and
political stability. Therefore, making preparations in advance is an essential component of
disease management.

Nevertheless, despite robust preparations and preventive measures, it is crucial to monitor

the unforeseen and unpredictable aspects of diseases. For example, COVID-19 emerged as
a highly infectious disease affecting numerous people worldwide, despite early awareness.
Therefore, it is essential not only to invest in initial prevention measures but also to allocate
funds for researching and developing treatments and vaccines concurrently. This approach
enables us to effectively combat diseases and mitigate their impact, even when prevention is
not possible from the outset.

In conclusion, investing in medical issues is crucial for managing diseases effectively. It is

imperative to allocate resources effectively towards both prevention and cures,
acknowledging the potential for unexpected challenges to arise. By doing so, we can
enhance our ability to respond to health crises comprehensively.